Scotch-brite family dollar scholarship

JW yung pamilya ng jowa ko. Umalis na siya pero hinahaunt parin siya ng elders and ng parents niya. Di nagpabinyag mga kapatid niya kasi nakita nilang nagsusuffer kuya nila.
So ganito ang nangyari. Yung nanay ng jowa ko napirmi lang sa bahay, di naghahanap ng pedeng pagkakitaan, tas yung tatay niya nagdedeliver ng random things like gulay, parts ng machine, etc.
May tatlo siyang kapatid, isang 1st year college, isang graduating shs, tsaka isang 11 years old. Yung sahod 10-15k lang ata.
Nakaasa sila lahat sa kanya. Siya nagbabayad ng internet, tuition, baon, tas nonstop hingi kasi kulang sa pagkain, may need bayaran, may gustong merienda, etc.
Ang nakakainis kasi di naman siya magsusurvive kung wala ako. Nakatira siya sa bahay ko, ako nagbabayad ng bills dito. Pagkain lang ambag niya hati kami. 4 years na kami pero wala kaming maipon. Sabi niya hintayin ko grumaduate yung mga kapatid niya para makastart kami.
Tapos malaman laman kong umalis sa scholarship yung college student kasi nag away sila ng jowa, nagbreak (pero nagbalikan) tapos ngayon naman di pumapasok sa isang subjecct kasi kulang wala daw pamasahe.
Yun pala yung usapan na hati sa pambaon yung jowa ko tsaka parents niya, di sila nagbibigay sa college student nila kasi kumuha ng tricycle. Dun hinuhulog yung pera, kaya pala laging kulang din sa pagkain, so nagalit ang jowa ko.
Tapos alam mo yung sinabi sa kanya? "Wag ka mag alala, Jehovah will provide."
Tng inng yan! Kaming dalawa nagpapakahirap dito tapos sasabihin si Jehovah bahala?
So minessage ko sinabihan ko yung kapatid tsaka nanay na "Maawa naman kayo sa kuya/anak niyo. Di nga to makabili ng sariling pantalon, laging ako bumibili ng mga kailangan niya, tapos kayo basta lang nagdedesisyon? Padalos dalos kayo porke't di kayo ang nagsusuffer ng consequence?"
Di na nga halos natutulog jowa para makabigay lang sa kanila. 6 days a week nagtatrabaho. Iyak ng iyak, minsan sa banyo habang naliligo, minsan bago matulog. Di naman niya mapabayaan kasi giniguiltrip siya lagi.
Ako kasi pnabayaan ng family. PInag aral ko sarili ko so alam ko gano kahirap maghanap ng pera. So natrigger talaga ako na ganyan, di man lang sila nag eeffort para pagaanin ang buhay ng jowa ko. Mag aral mabuti, maghanap ng side line, maghanap ng pagkakakitaan. Taenang yan.
ABYG kasi cinall-out ko sila eh kasi labas ako sa issue nato kasi pamilya sila pero direkta akong nadadamay eh kasi pati ako tumutulong.

So this is a long one. Like, I'm going back over it and damn. This is longer than I thought it would be. Throwaway account, I've only made one other post to this relating to what's going on. Instead of updating the other post, I figured I'd make a separate one about the whole shit show I experienced, and the shit circus I uncovered and avoided. I'll try to keep this in as chronological an order as I can.
As the title says, my abusive/narc mom and pos/delusional/golden child brother started trying to reach out to me a few months ago wanting to make amends and build bridges with me again. There were a few people that commented on my previous post in another subreddit that may be a little disappointed in me for how I handled this, and a few that might enjoy that I handled it the way I did. Someone commented to not let them use my good nature. My nature is dependent on who I'm dealing with, and when it comes to that side of my family, I'm more stick than carrot. So their attempts did not go ignored, and did not go unpunished.
Growing up, I was always closer with my Dad than my mom. My brother was the epitome of "pampered mamma's boy". He started having seizures as a child and was diagnosed with epilepsy, which I thought was why my mom babied the absolute fuck out of him long into adulthood. He would go a year or 2 without any seizures, and then there would be a few months where he'd be having them every other day. At Anytime he got in trouble at home or school, my mom would find a way to blame me, for not making sure he knew whatever he was doing would get him in trouble, or she would blame my dad for not being "involved enough in their baby's life." My dad was in the Navy and I remember any time he'd deploy, I'd dread every day until he came back. My brother would taunt me that he knew whatever he did, I'd be the one to get in trouble for it. My dad would always make things up for me when he got back from his deployments though. We'd often have weekend trips just the 2 of us. And then around my 12th birthday, my mom insisted on sitting us all down and explain to that she and my dad were getting a divorce. We got the whole talk about how they still love us and they just can't be together anymore, etc. my dad told us both that he still loved us and he would be there for us whenever we needed him. He explained that he would be moving out, but he would be by to pick us up to spend the weekends with us. I was nervous and honestly scared of what it would be like without him. But I was looking forward to the weekend when I got to see him again. That never happened though, and that was the last time I ever got to see him.
Right before his weekend with us, my mom explained to us that my dad didn't want anything to do with us anymore. There was some news story about a father that killed his kids when he had custody of them and she used that to terrify my brother and convince him that our dad wanted to kill us to start his life over. We left damn near everything behind and moved in with my mom's brother in Florida (from Virginia) a couple days before my dad was supposed to come get us. After that, she went to great lengths to make sure we had no contact from him.
Years went on, my mom seemed more indifferent towards me than ever. She never seemed interested in anything I did unless my brother also seemed interested in it. She didn't show any interest in my wanting to learn guitar until my brother also showed interest in it. Then we got one guitar that we had to share, I'd take lessons on the condition that I taught my brother whatever I learned in them. My brother eventually wound up breaking the guitar and I was blamed for not storing it in the case it came with. I had to share my N64 with him whenever he wanted to play it. I was playing perfect dark one day and having a hard time killing the skedar leader at the end of the game. My brother burst into the room saying he wanted to play his MegaMan game, to which I just replied "give me a minute, this boss fight is hard, once I'm done you can have your turn" He didn't like that. He left the room and came back with a hammer and smashed the console while I was still playing. My fault for not letting him play it. The only thing I had that he could not use was a pair of roller blades my aunt got me for my 14th birthday. I specifically asked for roller blades to get around instead of a bike because my brother and I had different shoe sizes, so he couldn't wear them Because of constant shit like that, I never really put much value in having things growing up. I didnt want to buy something or get something as a gift just to have it fucked up in a few weeks or months. At some point, my "little" brother became the larger one, so my clothes all became "hand-me-ups" as he outgrew everything. So, because I didn't really have any distractions at home, I turned into a high achieving student, rarely got in trouble. made the honor roll all throughout school. But that wasn't something to celebrate as it was expected of me. I had long since decided that I was moving out as soon as I could once I turn 18. I got a job working at a Walgreens as soon as I could and started saving up for a car. My mom however took issue with this and would never agree to take me looking for one and absolutely refused to ever have it put on her insurance. This is where my Aunt comes in. She and her son are the only 2 on my mom's side that aren't some sort of degenerate. She had her son young, but put herself through college while raising him alone and eventually got her MBA and a cushy upper corporate job. She told me to tell my mom I had to go in to work on one of my days off, that she would pick me up and she would take me car shopping. So that's what we did. I couldn't quite afford a cash car, but she helped me with the financing. I put down what I had as the down payment, the arrangement she made with me was that 1- as long as I was in school, she would cover the insurance and payments for me, however, if I got into an accident, I was responsible for paying the deductable. And 2- as long as i was living with my mom, the car remained in her (Aunt's) name. And if anything happened to it, to let her know so she could get the appropriate authorities involved. My mom was PISSED when she found out I now had a car. Her reasoning (that she said in front of my aunt) was that she didn't think it was fair for one of us-either me or my brother- to have something the other couldn't use. Due to him being 13 and having epilepsy, he couldn't drive, so why should i have a car if my brother doesn't? That turned into a long shouting match between my mom and Aunt that basically ended with my aunt explaining that since it was her car, and all paperwork on her name, I was just on the insurance for it so I could drive it. But if anything at all happened to it while I was living at my Mom's, that the police and insurance companies would get involved. My mom still kept track of all the miles on the car to "make sure I was only going to work and school and wherever she told me I could go". Most of the time, when I hung out with friends, I wasn't the one driving. From that that point though, my mindset was very much "keep my head down and nose clean until I can leave." I graduated a month before my 18th birthday. After graduation, my mom and i got into an argument about me contributing to her bills. I eventually dropped the ball that I planned on getting back in touch with my Dad and leaving. She started laughing. Something about that laugh made me really uncomfortable. She then said "well, you can certainly meet up with him whenever you want! I'll supply the gun if you buy the bullet!" And told me my dad had died when I was 15. That. Fucking. Broke. Me. Later that night, i called my best friend and vented everything to him. He was in the DEP program for the Navy and would be shipping out in a few months, he told me to come by first thing in the morning and talk with him and his parents about the whole situation. I basically packed up all of my clothes and left the day after my 18th birthday. I just left my house key and a note that said "I'm not your problem anymore." I couch surfed for a little while until after my best friend left for boot camp, then I was able to move in and live with his parents (chosen parents basically). My only real rules were keep the house and my space clean and make sure I had a job and/or going to school. I spent a few months mourning my dad and kind of in a haze. Since he was in the Navy though, that meant I was reliable for financial aid for school. My second dad helped me get everything put together to start receiving that so I could start college.
Well, after a couple years of this, my brother, who had spent his time at school more as "forced socializing" instead of learning, was expelled from public schools for allegedly setting off a fire extinguisher in a classroom. He had to enroll at an alternative school called "the drop back-in academy" that was specifically for dropouts or anyone that got the boot from the public school system. My mom reached out to me and asked me if I would drive him to this school in the mornings, she'd pick him up in the afternoons, and she'd pay me $20 a week.I agreed to it thinking this was out of character for her, but she surprisingly held up to that agreement. I drove him for a couple years until I was ready to start my bachelor program. My second parents were getting ready to move back to their hometown and I was going to start school on the other side of the city. So, I was moving to that side of town and couldn't really drive out of my way to pick up and drop off my brother anymore. He continued his enrollment at this place for another 3 years (5 years total) and it turned out, he was never attending. I would drop his ass off there every day and he'd just walk home immediately after I pulled out of the parking lot. He'd just tell my mom that he finished his work early and decided to walk home instead of wait around for her. One afternoon, I'm coming home early from work and my brother is just sitting on the steps to my studio apartment. He tells me that he and our mom got into a really big argument and he needs a place to stay. I (reluctantly) let him in. I'm stuck thinking he must be really desperate if he's coming to me for help. But I start thinking at this point, he's 24, jobless, and probably needs to learn some self discipline and responsibility, and our mom just never did that for him. So I try to help. I ask him what their fight was about and he tells me that he started dating this girl at his alternative school. She was 21 and got the boot from the school system for being too old to attend (we actually have several relatives that were kicked out of the school system for the same reason) and that he accidentally got her pregnant and our mom did not take kindly to that. I called my landlord and explained the situation to him. He was okay with it, so I let him crash on my couch for a little bit (until the end of my lease, then I'd be moving) and just told him to clean up after himself, take care of himself, etc until we could all work this out. He crashed there for a few months and did Jack shit. He would complain that I didn't have a computer for him to use (I only had a laptop I bought for school) and I didn't have any video game consoles for him to entertain himself with. So he was stuck there bored all day. I got tired of the complaining and lack of effort and told him he had to go back to our mom's if he wasn't going to be an adult. We started shouting at each other until he dropped this little bombshell. He yelled "I can't go back to Mom's!" And when I asked why, he just blurted out "because it's to close to that elementary school!" That stopped the whole thing. "And why is that a big deal now?" I asked him. I already knew why that would be the problem, but 1% of me was holding onto the hope that he was got jumped by a gang of 5th graders and the trauma was too much for him to bear. I told him he could either tell me what's going on, or I could make a phone call and get every last detail I needed. He confessed that he had been leaving that school and going over to his "girlfriend's" house and waiting for her to get home. And that one day, her mom ended up catching them in the act. I explained to him that he was leaving out important details if that was the reason he couldn't be near a school.
He told me she was 14, not 21. I. Lost. My. Shit. Everything after that is kinda fuzzy, but he was arrested, mom posted bail, and since she lived right around the corner from an elementary school, he couldn't stay there. So they told his parole officer that he'd be staying at my address until his court date.. his PO had swung by a couple times, but I was always either at work or school or out somewhere. At this point, I told him the lease was up in 6 weeks, I couldn't stand to be around him. I packed my stuff early, moved out into a storage unit, and I stayed at an extended stay hotel until it was time for me to move. Called my landlord and told him what was going on, and if my brother was still there the last week of the lease, nail him for trespassing. My landlord was a good guy. I never had any problems with him. I paid up the last 6 weeks and threw him since extra cash for his troubles as I knew I wouldn't be getting my deposit back. That was the last time I saw my brother. After I moved out of state, I cut all contact with everyone in that family except my Aunt who was the only one that ever helped me out or even had my back. But even then, it was just through email. We'd mainly email birthday and holiday wishes to each other. Updates from my side on how life and career are going.
I never had a myspace or a Facebook growing up. I either never had a computer to check it on, or I was just so accustomed to not having any online distractions that I just never got around to making one. I did finally make a Facebook and I did get in touch with my dad's side of the family and reconnected with them. I hadn't seem most of them since I was 4 or 5. Some of them had been in contact with my brother (he fucking knew our dad died) and was spinning some sort of web about how he graduated high school early, had gone to college for pre-med and then got some sort of full ride scholarship to some prestigious medical school in Florida. He told them I wasn't on social media because I had been arrested for selling drugs and that he was taking me in after I got released. He was also using my senior portrait as a profile pic. They were surprised when they saw me and how I "looked just like my brother!" I had set the record straight. They looked dumbfounded when I told them that he couldn't get himself out of the 9th grade in 10 years, and now would likely never complete his high school journey due to the fact he can't be within 100 yards of a school.
So, fast forward to last week. I checked my email for the first time since late January (for my aunt's birthday) and noticed a few from her saying my mom wanted to reach out, then several emails from a new address. It was my mom's first initial and last name. Subject lines usually read "please respond" and "let me know you're okay" and stuff like that. I'd copy some of them over, but holy shit this is already a novella. Basically she got my email address from sneaking my aunt's phone (aunt did not sell me out). She's trying to apologize for how she treated me growing up and trying to excuse it by saying I reminded her of my dad and then she was going through menopause and just any excuse to dishes full accountability it seems. She acknowledges that it was wrong to hold me accountable for my brother's fuck-ups but dismisses that by saying he didn't know any better and she needed me to be a good role model for him. Things have been hard for her since I left, since she "had" to take my brother back in (I would've left him on the street or in jail), she had to sell her house (she was only 10 years into her mortgage) and buy another smaller one further from a school for him. He never did get a hs diploma or GED because how can he? And she's been going through breast cancer treatment for the last several months and just doesn't have the energy to take care of her 33yo baby anymore. She asked me if I lived close enough to them to take him in for a little bit while she focuses on her health. I left Florida 8 years ago and haven't even lived in the same time zone in 6 years. She can only check her email at work since she no longer has Internet at home. She had to cancel her home Internet service because of him. So, I decided to just put my brother's name into a search bar and the first thing that pops up is a FDLE sex offender's page. And holy shit has he gone downhill. He had a second arrest when he was 27 for the same thing, and then was caught in communications with another girl (like Chris Hansen sting) and was released from prison at the beginning of the year. And the mugshot.... You know the pale lady from the scary stories to tell in the dark movie? Think that, but with a patchy beard. Beady eyes, bad skin and all. According to the sheriff's office inmate search, he's been arrested 5 times in the last 10 years. Twice for lewd and lascivious battery of a minor (aged 12-15), once for solicitation of a minor, and twice for probation violations.
The TL/DR: abusive mom took all her frustrations out on me, blamed me for everything my brother did, hid my father's death from me until I was almost 18, and reaches out after 8 years of no contact and wants me to take care of her pedophile son while she's in poor health.
I'm attaching my response to her below.
Hi. I'm alive. I'm well. I'm also not okay with you contacting me, especially under the circumstances that you violated the privacy of your own sister to get my contact information. I have read your apologies and excuses and I do not accept either. You say I reminded you of Dad? He spent more time with me and showed more interest in my well-being than you ever did, and that's including the 6 years he was absent from my life by your own selfish design. Menopause? I find that hard to believe as this went on for the better part of half a decade and not once in that time did your attitude towards brother change. You always treated him with the same coddling infantile obsession and patience that one would show a toddler. It was and is clear that you have a preferred child as that adult-sized pile of shit is still living comfortably with dear old mama. I'm guessing no one else is willing to take him in? Are Uncle and Cousins afraid of him doing something to their daughters or grandchildren? I do believe you when you say you want to rebuild the bridge that you nuked from orbit years ago, but I can't believe it's not for your own selfish desires. And I can't find any reason or way my quality of life could be improved with your presence. The reality is, my life has been far better without you than it could be with you. I've never said this to anyone, but if there is a sense of karma and balance in the universe, your current situation is proof of that. The next time I see your name on my computer screen, had better be for your obituary. But since you and the monster you raised both decided to keep Dad's death a secret from me, and remove any choice I had to mourn or pay my respects, I'll return that kindness to you.
Please die away from me.

Hey! I just want to start this off by saying that I don't think that there is anything wrong with Therapy. I really want to start soon due to family issues. The problem is that I'm 17, and will be apply for colleges and scholarships, including ROTC soon. I've heard that Therapy can mess you up some times for those kind of things. Does anyone have any expertise in this? I am very fortunate that I don't have any diagnosed mental differences. I just have a tough time with my family. I've done a year Studying Abroad and know that I am mentally fine without them, but since I have to live with them for another year, I would like therapy. Advice?

First off, I'm on mobile, so I apologize for formating. For some background: My father (44m) and I don't have the best relationship and he is mildly transphobic in the way that is "not my kid" I (18) came out as a trans male on Thanksgiving of 2022. He has been against me being trans since then. (I came out at our family dinner because I knew my aunt and uncle would be ok with it and could protect me if things went wrong.) Now to the actual problem: He says that unless I go back to using my old name, he won't help me with college at all. If I go back to my old name he will fund me completely. (I also know that doing so won't cause him to incur any debt). This would cause me to go into a massive amount of student debt or not go at all because my SAI was too high to get any federal funding. I have applied to a bunch of scholarships but I'm not sure if I will get them. My predicament is that going by my old name shreds my mental health to pieces. Since I came out I have been happier. Everyone that I have asked around me has said that it seems like I'm happier too. So WIBTA if I had people call me by my old name around my parents but still go by my chosen name and pronouns in private?

Demographics:FGLİ,African(Parents moved to Turkey then moved to US right before my junior year),very rural in Turkey(village with 1000 population,almost no one goes to college),semi-feeder public school in America, US RESİDENT(green card)
Went from rural village public school in Turkey for middle school to a private school in İstanbul(biggest city in Turkey) because the school was connected to a university and agreed to give me full ride and also university housing to my family. Was the only kid there that came from a public school(public schools are horrible in Turkey)
Gpa(UW/W):9th grade: 92.13(top 5 percent), 10th grade selective ib program:83.17(missed like 40 percent of the year due to car crash/coma) 11th: 4.0/4.85 Class rank 1/494
Coursework: No ap/ib offered in 9th grade, 6ib classes in 10th, 11 AP classes in 11th-12th(so total of 17ap+ib)
İB HL MATH A&A in 10th, AP PRECALC AND AB İN 12th
Sat: 1540(800 math, 740 eng)-They're test blind tho
Major:Hotel Admin
**ECS:*\*
İnterim CEO(10th grade): Ran/fully managed former uncle's now family-owned business/motel 42 hours a week. Really small motel tho,6 rooms. Did school work when nothing was happening.
Founder of financial/educational based organizaton(11th-12th):**Raised 14.5 thousand dollars/475 thousand lira for my former elementary school through collective funding/raising money. Money went to renovations/additions.
(2 ecs in 1)Founder of Nonprofit/Owner of small shoe-reselling business(9th-12)th: Ran shoe-reselling business and made 20k and 10k/325k lira of the money went to buying shoes with the money and distrubuted kids at my old village shoes.
İntern at Divan Taksim(Hotel) in turkey, going back summer after 11th
Real estate internship in summer of 10th
Political İntern with Mayor of Turkish City(Elazığ)(CHP)(10th summer)): networked through the time when İ was a lobbyist around a bunch of rich people(you'll see below) Noted that İ want to be the minister of culture and turism in Turkey
Associate to Turkish Volunteering Agency/leader at school(10th grade): Personally volunteered 200 hours for earthquake. Raised 3.8k usd/70k lira throughout my school and district for relief efforts in Southeast Turkey
Student lobbyist for school renovations(10th grade): Was selected to be the only student lobbyist for my school's multi-million Lira expansion to increase class sizes by around 25% with an additional side building and a new library. Mayors son went to my school so thats where the internship came from
Published a book(11th grade) : on outsiders view on hospitality and finance(20k words)
Family responsibilities(11th-12th)(wont go into detail but valid)
Awards:
3.12 percent on LGS-Standardized test that is the sole factor of high school admission. Best score my middle school has ever produced. Only kid that was in the top 10 percent coming out of my middle school since 1998.
TBB National Finance Competition: 2nd out of 10k+ in national Financial knowledge competition ran by Turkish banking association
10th grade research project qualified for Tubitak(Turkish research council: project was about Corona's effect on reading habits throughout Turkish students)
Takdir 9th grade(top 5 percent of freshmen)
4th in national school based swimming relay in 9th.(Was varsity/ A team swimming in 9th grade)
LOR:Ap lang , AP cogo
Additiional info
İnjuries from car crash(coma)- not a joke, got in car crash right before 10th. Was in a coma for 4 weeks and missed like 40 percent of the year from pt, rehab and surgeries.
İ had to delay taking preclac because İ moved here late so İ took precalc and ab senior instead of ab and bc.

I dunno who else's parents were/are like this. My parents are fairly wealthy people. It feels like all my life this is something they managed to use against me rather than for me, in big and little ways.
I remember one birthday as a teen they got me a computer. This was a REALLY big deal back then - your average kid didn't have their own PC, with internet access, and in their own room! I was absolutely over the moon. Couldn't stop thanking them, told everyone I could. My birthday is in May. In June final grades came out and mine were very meh. The psychological warfare started. They weren't just disappointed, I didn't deserve my birthday gift - which had been unexpected, and they hadn't negotiated for high grades to get it for me, and even if they had, I wouldn't have had time to change anything. They were going to take it and sell it. Whenever I used it, it reminded them I still had it, I didn't deserve it, and they should take it back. What did I even need a computer for, if it didn't get me good grades? I'm clearly not very smart. Bad grades are ungrateful. By the end of summer I was begging them to sell it just so I could stop feeling bad. This insulted them incredibly - they didn't need the money, why sell it? Such drama. Where did I get these ideas?
Never did it occur to them to talk sensibly about next year's grades, and whether the computer was a hindrance, and what they could do to help.
It was very difficult to discuss the issue with anyone at the time. I got a free computer and I was complaining about it. Anyway it's normal for parents to want you to do well in school, no?
At 19 while starting university, I moved out of their house to a small student town, against their wishes. I was supporting myself, aside from school and books, which they paid for after threatening not to at the very last minute because they didn't like my major. That, in itself, was the first time I realized I could manipulate them back. When they threatened not to pay at the point it was far too late for me to apply for loans or bursaries (what little I might have qualified for here, while living with rich parents), and too late to switch my application anyway if I'd wanted, I was a wreck. Figured I'd have to cancel my application, save up money, try next year, I was throwing up with anxiety for a week. But then, we went to a family gathering where a relative asked me where I was going to school soon. I locked eyes with my dad. He went white. Because we'd both seen in an instant all I had to do to make him look like an asshole was say I couldn't afford to go, when my dad is the richest guy in the family. I said what I was studying. Everyone was perfectly happy for me. He made the payment. We both knew if I wasn't in school by the next family party I wouldn't be the one who looked bad.
But nobody ever understood why I was upset later, because after all, having your schooling paid for is a huge privilege. And my major is a useless subject.
Anyway, I loved living with roommates, working and going to school. It was an incredible experience just to be independent and away from them. I had to admit after a year, though, that I wasn't doing as well in school as I could be. I didn't have time to attend some advanced things or do enough research because I was working a lot. Meanwhile my parents wanted me back very badly. My dad had been saying he'd have the entire basement renovated into an apartment for me if that's what it would take. He would buy me a car. I could have anything.
I thought it over. I didn't need an entire apartment or a car. But I said I would need the guest room next to my bedroom to turn into my office, since my bedroom would be too crammed, and I'd need them to repaint it and get a few extra furniture pieces. They were happy to agree. I made sure to make a big deal of telling relatives how excited I was about my future office. Because you can imagine as soon as I told my landlord I wouldn't be renewing the lease, they tried to wiggle out. I painted the office myself with a friend because they 'couldn't find painters', but I was very insistent on making them pay for the paint. I refused to move boxes out of the hallway until they took me to Ikea to get what I needed. When my dad told me 'no one else your age needs their parents to pay for things' I reminded him he VOLUNTEERED tens of thousands of dollars in renovations and a free car, but now was making a big deal out of a desk, a lamp, and two bookshelves. He paid. We cohabited poorly for a few more years, because now I knew I could make it on my own if I had to and the dynamic was never the same.
But this is only a story about how entitled I am, because I expected my parents to accommodate me and even buy me shelves, everyone else's kids only get one room of their own in their parents' house.
Sorry for the long text. It's been mother's day and my birthday again - there's been fuckery and I'm upset.

My cat Iris is currently 5lb (should be 6lb) and we recently learned she is suffering from kidney failure.
She still eats and drinks, though not as much as she should. We have two real options. We can either love her until she passes away, or take her an hour away and have her hooked up to an IV for 2 days with maybe 1 family member there to comfort her. We are worried that she might pass away in that time with no one to love her, as well as it costing thousands of dollars.
If any of you have any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

My friend from high school missed by undergraduate graduation and graduation because she dropped out.
I (23 F) have been friends with this woman (23 F lets call her BEBE) since my freshmen year of high school. After high school, we still remained good friends and really we became closer after graduating hs. We ended up going to different universities, BEBE decided to go to a private university out of state and I decided to stay in state for college. BEBE dropped out of school during the second semester of freshman after struggling academically, and financially to keep up with tuition, and as a result, she began to struggle mentally. During BEBE's time out of school, she went to a community college on and off due to not being able to keep her grades up and she lost scholarships because her grades were too low so she had to work to pay for community college (she still stays at home and her mom was not helping her pay for school anymore since she was still paying off the loan from the university). Our friend group suggested that she take a break from school to get right mentally and financially. We have had multiple conversations about comparing her journey to others and how we are all on our own timeline. Right before my undergraduate graduation BEBE car was repoed and our other friend (lets call her Mia) had a birthday so I know it would have been difficult for her to attend my undergraduate graduation, she also said that it would have been difficult for her mentally to attend because she wasn't graduating. I respected that at the time. I was accepted into a one-year accelerated graduate program. During that one extra year of school, BEBE came down to my school to party multiple times, we took roads trips, and attended family events with each other (every time I would drive back home I tried my best to see her, like EVERYTIME even seeing her over my own best friend sometimes because she stayed closer to my mom's house). As my graduate graduation is approaching I told my friend group that I wouldn't be able to attend Mia's birthday plans this year because I had work, finals, and my graduation was the weekend following her birthday(which was on a Friday) ( honestly I was completely overwhelmed with a lot of things at the time and I was completely transparent about how overwhelmed I was feeling). I had told them multiple times that my graduation was coming up but BEBE and Mia never even acknowledged I said anything about my graduation ( I never gave them details because they never asked and honestly I wasn't expecting them to come because they didn't attend last year). On top of that my car was stolen right before I had to go and take a final exam, THREE days before my graduation, and the day before Mia's birthday this year, I was literally devastated and really just needed my family and friends support. We have a group chat ( Me, BEBE, Mia, and our other friend Sarah). In the group chat, the day of my graduate graduation, Mia was upset with Sarah because she fell asleep on Mia's birthday plans (activity was scheduled for 8 PM but it didn't happen until 11:30 PM), Mind you Sarah stays about 45-60 mins away from the activity and was waiting for them to tell her to leave out. BEBE follows up with a message saying that it felt like nobody cared about Mia's birthday. So I responded by saying I apologize for not being as enthusiastic about Mia's birthday this year but it was literally because I was overwhelmed which I expressed to them before that day and that I was dealing with my car being stolen (I haven't told them up until this point because I had no time to process this on top of making sure I finish my classes strong and I was still quite upset about it and didn't want to keep thinking about it). They never acknowledged my message... so I sent another text saying how I was upset that they didn't put in any effort to come to either of my graduations. after that BEBE and Mia were saying they felt the friendship was unequal, they were never formally invited, and that they weren't talking to me originally but yet they kept using "yall" and using other plural words instead of messaging Sarah separately or being direct. Mind you this is a couple hours before my graduation and they still didn't even acknowledge that it's my graduation day, didn't get a congratulation or even checked to see if I was okay after having my car stolen and expressing to them I was overwhelmed. Then BEBE and Mia started saying why should they tell me congratulations soo early when they didn't know what time my graduation was and the fact I didn't tell Mia happy birthday until the evening time on her actual birthday ( less not forget my car was stolen the day before and I was also at work trying to make calls to my insurance agent ). I never formally gave them details because they never asked or even acknowledged I said anything about my graduation. Then they went on to say they didn't even have a ride to my graduation but im like yall could've rode with Sarah but then BEBE goes she had to look after her 16 year old twin brothers......... and she wasn't attending no ones graduation because she isn't graduating. Personally I feel that is so selfish!!!!!! like I understand she's not graduating but like I just needed my friends' support during a difficult time. her saying she couldn't celebrate my accomplishments and perseverance because she's not where she wants to be in life is so not fair and it feels like she's in secret competition with me. BEBE states like she still mentally is struggling to deal with graduation season and personally I just feel like I am struggling mentally too and I have been a good friend to her through all her mental break downs so her not showing up for me is her simply being a fake friend, only wanting to party, drink, and smoke but when I needed her just to show up as a friend (and not for her to compare her life to mine) she couldn't and I am so disappointed. She ended up leaving the group chat and I am willing to lose this friendship because I feel I have really show up her on so many different occasions whether it be mentally and even financially. After all of that I just wanted to get a different perspective to see if I should've gave her more grace or no? Thank you for coming to my TED talk and appreciate yall POV!

A few months ago, I used about 200k points and cash to book flights for our family for spring break. I had to book through the Wells Fargo travel portal. It was about $4k in United tickets (I have a high status on Delta but am no one to United).
Two months later, we decided to not take that trip due to a travel advisory for safety. United was happy to move that money into a future flight credit.
Here’s where things got weird:

• I keep being shuttled back and forth between WF and United to use the credits. No one seems to have the same story about how to use the credits.
• I tried to use the credits for 2 tickets to Chicago to use up some of the balance. I was told that the rest of the dollars on those tickets (about $600 each) would then be forfeited.
• I was also told that if my husband and I book these flights to Chicago it will also forfeit the $2k in tickets for our kids because they are minors.

How can this be? Is there a workaround? I’ve had such a better experience with Delta.

My friend from high school missed by undergraduate graduation and graduation because she dropped out.
I (23 F) have been friends with this woman (23 F lets call her BEBE) since my freshmen year of high school. After high school, we still remained good friends and really we became closer after graduating hs. We ended up going to different universities, BEBE decided to go to a private university out of state and I decided to stay in state for college. BEBE dropped out of school during the second semester of freshman after struggling academically, and financially to keep up with tuition, and as a result, she began to struggle mentally. During BEBE's time out of school, she went to a community college on and off due to not being able to keep her grades up and she lost scholarships because her grades were too low so she had to work to pay for community college (she still stays at home and her mom was not helping her pay for school anymore since she was still paying off the loan from the university). Our friend group suggested that she take a break from school to get right mentally and financially. We have had multiple conversations about comparing her journey to others and how we are all on our own timeline. Right before my undergraduate graduation BEBE car was repoed and our other friend (lets call her Mia) had a birthday so I know it would have been difficult for her to attend my undergraduate graduation, she also said that it would have been difficult for her mentally to attend because she wasn't graduating. I respected that at the time. I was accepted into a one-year accelerated graduate program. During that one extra year of school, BEBE came down to my school to party multiple times, we took roads trips, and attended family events with each other (every time I would drive back home I tried my best to see her, like EVERYTIME even seeing her over my own best friend sometimes because she stayed closer to my mom's house). As my graduate graduation is approaching I told my friend group that I wouldn't be able to attend Mia's birthday plans this year because I had work, finals, and my graduation was the weekend following her birthday(which was on a Friday) ( honestly I was completely overwhelmed with a lot of things at the time and I was completely transparent about how overwhelmed I was feeling). I had told them multiple times that my graduation was coming up but BEBE and Mia never even acknowledged I said anything about my graduation ( I never gave them details because they never asked and honestly I wasn't expecting them to come because they didn't attend last year). On top of that my car was stolen right before I had to go and take a final exam, THREE days before my graduation, and the day before Mia's birthday this year, I was literally devastated and really just needed my family and friends support. We have a group chat ( Me, BEBE, Mia, and our other friend Sarah). In the group chat, the day of my graduate graduation, Mia was upset with Sarah because she fell asleep on Mia's birthday plans (activity was scheduled for 8 PM but it didn't happen until 11:30 PM), Mind you Sarah stays about 45-60 mins away from the activity and was waiting for them to tell her to leave out. BEBE follows up with a message saying that it felt like nobody cared about Mia's birthday. So I responded by saying I apologize for not being as enthusiastic about Mia's birthday this year but it was literally because I was overwhelmed which I expressed to them before that day and that I was dealing with my car being stolen (I haven't told them up until this point because I had no time to process this on top of making sure I finish my classes strong and I was still quite upset about it and didn't want to keep thinking about it). They never acknowledged my message... so I sent another text saying how I was upset that they didn't put in any effort to come to either of my graduations. after that BEBE and Mia were saying they felt the friendship was unequal, they were never formally invited, and that they weren't talking to me originally but yet they kept using "yall" and using other plural words instead of messaging Sarah separately or being direct. Mind you this is a couple hours before my graduation and they still didn't even acknowledge that it's my graduation day, didn't get a congratulation or even checked to see if I was okay after having my car stolen and expressing to them I was overwhelmed. Then BEBE and Mia started saying why should they tell me congratulations soo early when they didn't know what time my graduation was and the fact I didn't tell Mia happy birthday until the evening time on her actual birthday ( less not forget my car was stolen the day before and I was also at work trying to make calls to my insurance agent ). I never formally gave them details because they never asked or even acknowledged I said anything about my graduation. Then they went on to say they didn't even have a ride to my graduation but im like yall could've rode with Sarah but then BEBE goes she had to look after her 16 year old twin brothers......... and she wasn't attending no ones graduation because she isn't graduating. Personally I feel that is so selfish!!!!!! like I understand she's not graduating but like I just needed my friends' support during a difficult time. her saying she couldn't celebrate my accomplishments and perseverance because she's not where she wants to be in life is so not fair and it feels like she's in secret competition with me. BEBE states like she still mentally is struggling to deal with graduation season and personally I just feel like I am struggling mentally too and I have been a good friend to her through all her mental break downs so her not showing up for me is her simply being a fake friend, only wanting to party, drink, and smoke but when I needed her just to show up as a friend (and not for her to compare her life to mine) she couldn't and I am so disappointed. She ended up leaving the group chat and I am willing to lose this friendship because I feel I have really show up her on so many different occasions whether it be mentally and even financially. After all of that I just wanted to get a different perspective to see if I should've gave her more grace or no? Thank you for coming to my TED talk and appreciate yall POV!

Reddit Account: u/deepbeepbeep
Discord Tag: spicybadgercurry
Name and House: Emmon Flowers (bastard of Holyhall)
Age: 26
Cultural Group: Primarily Andal descent, Reachman
Appearance: Inclined to being a little plump, with chestnut colored hair and hazel eyes. Plainer than most singers in dress and appearance, favoring brown and white over more gaudy colors.
Trait: Erudite
Skill(s): Investigator, Espionage, Scholar, Scribe, Ravenmaster
Talent(s): Lute player, good singing voice
Negative Trait(s):
Starting Title(s): Bastard of Holyhall, the Maid of Holyhall (derogatory)
Starting Location: Opening Event
Alternate Characters: Yes (see below)
Name and House: Jocelyn Graceford
Age: 25
Cultural Group: Primarily Andal descent, Reachman
Appearance: Was mauled by a hunting dog when she was young, ruining her face and any chances of a decent marriage. Has deep brown eyes, and hair like a raven’s wing – though for the most part, Jocelyn wears a dark veil over her face, hiding the bulk of the damage.
Trait: Insidious
Skill(s): Covert, Rumormonger, Devious
Talent(s): Chronicler, poet, embroiderer
Negative Trait(s):
Starting Title(s): Hermit of Holyhall, Hag of Holyhall (derogatory)
Starting Location: Opening Event
Biographies
Emmon Flowers:
Born just a year prior to the Conquest, Emmon is the product of his father (also named Emmon), who was the sickly heir to Holyhall at the time, and Septa Ynys, who had arrived with Lord Willem (Emmon Graceford’s father)’s second wife, Rhea Merryweather, as an attendant. Septa Ynys gave birth to Emmon Flowers after his father’s death from disease. Emmon Sr. had been aware of his child’s coming, and was hoping to live long enough to meet the child he never believed he would have – though that wouldn’t be the case.
Septa Ynys was called back to do penance for the sin of Emmon Flowers, and Emmon himself was taken to be raised by septons so that he might also do penance for the sin of existing – by becoming a septon himself. Lord Willem, who outlived his son and was hoping to have more children by his second wife, was glad of the disposal of an inconvenient bastard – the resemblance of the infant to his father at that age was more hurtful than gratifying.
Emmon learned music and scholarship (religious and otherwise) with the septons, but was known for being a bit too inquisitive and curious for his own good, despite being otherwise pliant and eager to please. Brief talk was made of sending him to the Maesters, but the Faith believed that Emmon was what was owed to them – after all, he had been born of the Faith.
When he was sixteen, Emmon finally retaliated against another bullying novice – landing one punch on the other boy. Unfortunately, the other boy was slightly more martial, and Emmon came out the worse of the two in the fight. Something about this particular incident, however, convinced the septons that Emmon was more trouble than he was worth – perhaps it was the straw that broke the stallion’s back, amongst all the inconvenient questions Emmon would raise. Either way, Emmon was sent back to Holyhall.
Lord Willem was still alive at the time, but by then had only had a daughter, Jocelyn, by his second wife, the Lady Rhea. He took in Emmon purely to avoid the scandal that would have arisen by having the bastard of Holyhall out on the street, and gave him no other kindness but this.
Emmon spent his time playing music as the resident musician at Holyhall, which gave him at least some purpose, and assisted the Maester with the tending of ravens.
When Emmon was twenty, Lord Willem died suddenly – and the only child that remained was Jocelyn, who had always been kind to Emmon, but who had a talent for intrigue that frightened Emmon to an extent. He saw it coming that he would become part of her machinations, but had no real way of stopping it. At least he would be able to continue his music and studies. At least there would be that.
Timeline
1 BC – Emmon Flowers is born, Emmon Graceford dies. Septa Ynys is sent away to do penance, Emmon is given to septons.
15 AC – Emmon sent in disgrace back to Holyhall
20 AC – Death of Lord Willem Graceford. Ascension of Jocelyn Graceford, Lady of Holyhall
23 AC – Emmon sent to King’s Landing to serve as a singer and the eyes and ears of his aunt
Jocelyn Graceford
Jocelyn was born to the second wife of Willem Graceford and was the only child of this marriage to survive to adulthood – though that very nearly didn’t happen. Jocelyn was badly disfigured by a hunting dog when she was seven years old, and despite treatments by a maester, was ultimately disfigured. Thankfully, she had been able to keep her eyes and tongue. After this, her father abandoned his hopes of arranging a suitable betrothal for her.
Lord Willem had hoped to have a son and heir by his new wife to replace his deceased first heir, but unfortunately, only Jocelyn survived. Rhea Merryweather tried to give her husband a new son and heir, but her multiple pregnancies after Jocelyn only resulted in stillbirths or children who, to the despair of their parents, died in the cradle days after birth.
After his wife finally expired in childbed when Jocelyn was nineteen, Willem was quickly making plans to take a new wife, only to die suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving Jocelyn the Lady of Holyhall.
There are rumors Jocelyn poisoned her father, to prevent him from creating a new heir and sending her to the silent sisters. She denies these rumors.
Because of her disfigurement, Jocelyn tends to not leave Holyhall unless there is great cause for it, or if she cares for those she visits, such as family at Longtable. She wears a long dark veil over her face, to hide the bulk of the damage, and even at Holyhall, only her Maester has seen underneath the veil.
Jocelyn, despite her isolation and lack of marriage prospects, however, is interested in keeping informed, even from her seat in the Reach, and has utilized her nephew to this end.
1 AC – Conquest. Also, Jocelyn was born.
8 AC – The Hound Incident
20 AC – Death of Jocelyn’s mother, Rhea Merryweather. Later in the year, the death of Willem Graceford, Lord of Holyhall.
23 AC – Sent Emmon to King’s Landing.
Family tree: https://www.familyecho.com/?p=RC8O6&c=gwmdyzwnxei4x1xa&f=359849491848085097

My friend from high school missed by undergraduate graduation and graduation because she dropped out.
I (23 F) have been friends with this woman (23 F lets call her BEBE) since my freshmen year of high school. After high school, we still remained good friends and really we became closer after graduating hs. We ended up going to different universities, BEBE decided to go to a private university out of state and I decided to stay in state for college. BEBE dropped out of school during the second semester of freshman after struggling academically, and financially to keep up with tuition, and as a result, she began to struggle mentally. During BEBE's time out of school, she went to a community college on and off due to not being able to keep her grades up and she lost scholarships because her grades were too low so she had to work to pay for community college (she still stays at home and her mom was not helping her pay for school anymore since she was still paying off the loan from the university). Our friend group suggested that she take a break from school to get right mentally and financially. We have had multiple conversations about comparing her journey to others and how we are all on our own timeline. Right before my undergraduate graduation BEBE car was repoed and our other friend (lets call her Mia) had a birthday so I know it would have been difficult for her to attend my undergraduate graduation, she also said that it would have been difficult for her mentally to attend because she wasn't graduating. I respected that at the time. I was accepted into a one-year accelerated graduate program. During that one extra year of school, BEBE came down to my school to party multiple times, we took roads trips, and attended family events with each other (every time I would drive back home I tried my best to see her, like EVERYTIME even seeing her over my own best friend sometimes because she stayed closer to my mom's house). As my graduate graduation is approaching I told my friend group that I wouldn't be able to attend Mia's birthday plans this year because I had work, finals, and my graduation was the weekend following her birthday(which was on a Friday) ( honestly I was completely overwhelmed with a lot of things at the time and I was completely transparent about how overwhelmed I was feeling). I had told them multiple times that my graduation was coming up but BEBE and Mia never even acknowledged I said anything about my graduation ( I never gave them details because they never asked and honestly I wasn't expecting them to come because they didn't attend last year). On top of that my car was stolen right before I had to go and take a final exam, THREE days before my graduation, and the day before Mia's birthday this year, I was literally devastated and really just needed my family and friends support. We have a group chat ( Me, BEBE, Mia, and our other friend Sarah). In the group chat, the day of my graduate graduation, Mia was upset with Sarah because she fell asleep on Mia's birthday plans (activity was scheduled for 8 PM but it didn't happen until 11:30 PM), Mind you Sarah stays about 45-60 mins away from the activity and was waiting for them to tell her to leave out. BEBE follows up with a message saying that it felt like nobody cared about Mia's birthday. So I responded by saying I apologize for not being as enthusiastic about Mia's birthday this year but it was literally because I was overwhelmed which I expressed to them before that day and that I was dealing with my car being stolen (I haven't told them up until this point because I had no time to process this on top of making sure I finish my classes strong and I was still quite upset about it and didn't want to keep thinking about it). They never acknowledged my message... so I sent another text saying how I was upset that they didn't put in any effort to come to either of my graduations. after that BEBE and Mia were saying they felt the friendship was unequal, they were never formally invited, and that they weren't talking to me originally but yet they kept using "yall" and using other plural words instead of messaging Sarah separately or being direct. Mind you this is a couple hours before my graduation and they still didn't even acknowledge that it's my graduation day, didn't get a congratulation or even checked to see if I was okay after having my car stolen and expressing to them I was overwhelmed. Then BEBE and Mia started saying why should they tell me congratulations soo early when they didn't know what time my graduation was and the fact I didn't tell Mia happy birthday until the evening time on her actual birthday ( less not forget my car was stolen the day before and I was also at work trying to make calls to my insurance agent ). I never formally gave them details because they never asked or even acknowledged I said anything about my graduation. Then they went on to say they didn't even have a ride to my graduation but im like yall could've rode with Sarah but then BEBE goes she had to look after her 16 year old twin brothers......... and she wasn't attending no ones graduation because she isn't graduating. Personally I feel that is so selfish!!!!!! like I understand she's not graduating but like I just needed my friends' support during a difficult time. her saying she couldn't celebrate my accomplishments and perseverance because she's not where she wants to be in life is so not fair and it feels like she's in secret competition with me. BEBE states like she still mentally is struggling to deal with graduation season and personally I just feel like I am struggling mentally too and I have been a good friend to her through all her mental break downs so her not showing up for me is her simply being a fake friend, only wanting to party, drink, and smoke but when I needed her just to show up as a friend (and not for her to compare her life to mine) she couldn't and I am so disappointed. She ended up leaving the group chat and I am willing to lose this friendship because I feel I have really show up her on so many different occasions whether it be mentally and even financially. After all of that I just wanted to get a different perspective to see if I should've gave her more grace or no? Thank you for coming to my TED talk and appreciate yall POV!

1. I'm nervous about it. Many years ago in the 90s I was a mentally ill teenager and without going into details me not respecting boundaries got me in a lot of trouble. It was traumatizing and I don't want to go through it again.
   
2. Even before that when I was a child and throughout most of my adult life every idea I've had has been laughed at, I've faced constant discouragement from family, basically every time I go even a little outside of my comfort zone bad things happen.
   
3. I want to respect your boundaries. You've never told me explicitly not to contact you like others have said to me before but you blocked me on pretty much every app. I purposely deleted your number from contacts just so I wouldn't even be tempted to cross that line. If I really really want to reach out to you I'm sure I could find the number in a backup here somewhere. But I get the feeling it's a bad idea.
   
4. The ratio of my messages to your responses when we did communicate is weighted very heavily towards me. It gets very discouraging after awhile.
   
5. I said I wasn't ok and didn't get a response for months. I know you might say "go get a therapist" but I wasn't looking for a therapist. I would have been fine with "hey I'm sorry to here you are not feeling well. Let's get together for coffee sometime".
   
6. I felt a little used. I did a lot of work for you. It was never about the money. I would have helped you for free. It was just I wanted to help you with something long term and you used my help as a short term fix and I ended up doing work through you for people I didn't want to be doing work for anymore. I left because those people didn't appreciate me, and through you I ended up doing it for pennies on the dollar. Again, the money didn't matter, it was the principle. I would have gladly helped you for free.
   
7. I'm afraid you might think I was using you. Like this was some long term devious plan. I'm really not that clever. As I got to spend time with you I liked you.
   
8. We're defintiely at different stages in life because of our different ages (late 20s vs early 40s). It's definitely a factor holding me back.
   
9. Even if you for some reason wanted to be with me, I was and am too weak. Without getting into a sob story about my life, it's been a very bad one. I'm depressed and overweight and not wealthy (though I do alright). I could just never give you the things you deserve. I would want you to be with someone that makes you happy and that you would feel fine showing off to your friends. Someone who doesn't have to struggle to do things around the home to maintain it. Someone who can do fun activities outside with you. Unfortuantely that's not me.
   
10. Anytime I've opened my heart to be vulnerable, I've been hurt. I've already told you in person about a couple of those times. (If you remember the only reason I was telling you was to make you feel better since you were telling me about your crush on one of your coworkers).
    

Those are the reasons. I doubt you'll ever see this. But it felt good writing this out.
Just please don't think me staying away or being mean has anyting to do with you. It's been hard for many years now. It would be nice to have someone here to help. To talk to. About anything. I could just sit here and listen to you complain about work for hours. And I know I'm far from blameless. I could write a longer letter with all my faults.
I sent you one last thing on your birthday earlier this month. I just wanted perhaps the last thing you ever got from me to be something nice. Because the message before that came from a place of hurt.
But even me with all my faults deserves some happiness, kindness, and respect. I hope you find those in your life. And I hope someday I get to experience them too.
Sorry for the paragraphs and paragraphs and not respecting the boundaries of friendship. I guess to the void the words go. I've lost my train of thought.

Would you go to prison for 10 years for 10 million dollars? 1. The money is given at the end of the 10 years. 2. It’s tax free so it’s the full 10 mil 3. In prison your cellmate is Bubba - he’s in for aggravated assault and battery and is prone to violent fits of rage. 4. You can work in prison and take classes if that’s your jam. The only thing is it’s the maximum security prison for your state so visitations will be difficult. 5. All the normal rules apply for prison for phone calls, commissary, etc. 6. While you’re in prison if you have a family your spouse will need to work and your kids will be without you present for all 10 years.

No Lambos. No mansions. No yachts.
Defaulted loans of family and friends, paid off (for pennie’s on the dollar as banks scramble to find buyers at any price). Community facilities erected and paid for. Businesses that invest equally in employees and community as they do in customers, rewarded and funded. Orphans, cared for and prepared for independence. Young families, supported, encouraged, and incentivized. Classical arts, taught with the same importance as mathematics. Education systems, gutted and reformed to focus on life skills rooted in morality. Crooked politicians, ousted and tried for crimes committed. Drug trade, laws targeted at eradicating those profiting from it and strictly enforced.
What am I missing?

Dearest Love,
It has now been 264 days since I last heard your voice. That I could see the disappointment on your face. I wish I had realized at that moment that it was my last chance to reach you. But a fool is foolish. And I am a fool, always have been.
Where should I start?
That I've been in love with you since we were in elementary school together? Or the fact that you broke my heart for the first time at the age of 14 when you met your first boyfriend?
Of course you weren't aware of any of this. When you disappeared from my life overnight at the age of 15, you didn't realize that it had shattered my world. I really thought back then that I would never see you again.
All my friends were in love with you. One even wrote you love letters. You never found out who'd send you these.
For us you were mysterious. So serious. So sad. So brave. So cheeky. So loud. So quiet. We were too young and too stupid at that time to understand what you were going through at home. To us you were just a beautiful mystery.
I had my own tragedies at home and I dreamed myself away. With you. And just then you disappeared. Nobody knew where you were and nobody had a clue what happened to you. There were the wildest rumors, but nothing tangible.
Five years later I was drunk in the club and you smiled at me from across the bar. I swear I was immediately sober. It was like I had seen a ghost, but you were real. Damn you were real!
You asked me how I was doing and whether life had been good to me. This was the happiest night of my life and I didn't want it to end.
When we said goodbye at dawn, I asked you if we would see each other again and you said, "Meet me at the party at Fusion on New Year's Eve." Damn, that was still 3 months away and how was I supposed to find you there? Among hundreds of people?
I found you. Exactly at midnight and we kissed. From that day on we belonged together.
But two children from broken families. This is destined for chaos and pain.
I moved to the other side of the country with you to put the past behind us. But you can't run away from your problems. They will always follow.
We dealt with the pain within us differently. You wanted to talk about it. About you, about me, about what happened in our families. I wanted to be silent.
You solved your problems in therapy. I drowned my problems in alcohol.
At the beginning of our relationship we went dancing together a lot. We celebrated, we drank, we looked for intoxication.
But then you changed. And I stayed the same.
You hid in books. I hid in clubs. You looked for new friends. I kept the old ones.
You've started studying and pretty soon you got a scholarship. Now you were no longer just beautiful with a loving soul, but also eloquent and smart.
And I? I became mean. I disappeared for nights at a time. I didn't keep my promises. I drank, I gambled, I did drugs. I woke up in strange apartments and had trouble with even stranger people.
And so the past had caught up with me and the future was calling for you. But you didn't want to give up on me and I didn't want to lose you.
So I pulled myself together, looked for a good job and I earned good money. But one can't keep a woman like you with dollar bills. You never looked for expensive gifts or status. All you ever looked for was love, respect and sincerity.
And I was not sincere.
You wanted respect. I laughed at you. You wanted love. I left you alone. You wanted to be my friend. I was your enemy.
And so you slowly said goodbye.
You didn't want to have to fight all the time anymore. You didn't want to have to cry because of me anymore. And I get that.
First you moved out. Then you had less and less time for me. When I called you, you often didn't answer the phone. When you did I heard you laughing on the phone with your friends in the back. You seemed to have a lot of fun. But you hardly laughed with me anymore.
264 days ago we had set up a date. We hadn't seen each other for two weeks. I canceled half an hour before I was supposed to pick you up. You were angry. "Why can't you just keep a simple promise?" I told you I was sick. A lie. Two hours later you showed up at my door. You brought me muffins, tea and some meds.
And I? I was hungover, playing poker.
The disappointment. The disappointment on your face. You asked me if I really ditched you for a poker game.
And I? I replied with, “At least I won $1,000.”
You gave me a sad little smile and asked me if I had anything left to say to you.
I laughed at you and said you were childish. That you're being overdramatic as always. That you're always causing stress.
And you said, "okay, if that's all you have to say, I'm leaving now."
I said we can see each other tomorrow.
And you said, "No, I'm leaving. For good."
You've said it a thousand times before, but this time I knew it was different.
I held you back and looked into your eyes saying: "I want to change. I really do. But I need time and your patience."
And you said: "You've had 10 years to appreciate what we had. Now you have the rest of your life to accept that I won't be a part of your life anymore."
You left.
264 days have passed since then.
Not a word from you.
Every day I try to reach you.
You're gone.
For good.
All of our old friends know you're gone. But no one talks to me about it because they know I messed up.
Since you left, I can't go on anymore.
I dream of you constantly. Sometimes I look for you and ask about you and everyone acts like you never existed. And I feel the despair until I wake up crying.
Sometimes you're standing far, far away from me and I try to get to you, but I can't move a step. So I call you, but you don't hear me. I shout louder until I wake up from it.
Then I lie in bed with my heart racing slowly remembering that you are no longer here. And that it is my fault.
My best friend forced me to go on a date. The woman I was on the date with came closer. She kissed me and I started crying.
I've never felt as bad as I did in that moment. I wasn't ashamed. It was the sadness that burst out of me.
I know people will say it will pass. That I will fall in love again someday. But I do not care. I lost you. I lost the person who believed in me the most. I lost the love of my life.
And it's my fault. I will never be able to forgive myself for this.
That's what was left to say.

Made a new account for this post for anonymity. I am an instructor at a university in NYC. One of my students will soon be suspended for multiple semesters of failing all their classes.
The student is a refugee. They cannot stay here legally if they get suspended, but going back to their home country is essentially a death sentence. They have no family to go to, since they have been displaced.
They are a college-aged person with no money. The are here on a full tuition/room and board scholarship. If they do not go home when they are suspended, what consequences will be there be?
Sorry for the use of they/them - I am trying to protect the student's identity.

I need to get this "off my chest". Obligatory "I can't include literally everything that builds up the situation or otherwise we'd end up with a War and Peace thick post.
Me, 35M; Wife: 35F; Sperm Donor 75 M; Mom 72; Aunt 72F; Aunt 2 70s F,
I used to think my childhood and home life was idyllic and great, but as I've aged I've realised how very, very effed up it actually was. It wasn't so much that it was idyllic, it was that I'm AUDHD and was perfectly content to be alone and do my own thing. Some of these realisations have coloured how I view my parents and family and I have stopped thinking of the man who's DNA I share as "dad" and more "Sperm donor" or "his name".
I fully admit that I have a lot of "daddy issues". All I've really ever wanted was a dad to do dad things with; learning how to do things like fix cars, going fishing, learning to drive, etc. Typical sappy 'Merican "Andy Griffith Show" type crap. I know that's not reality for most people, but it's kind of a sore point for me. Because of this, I've kind of spend most of my youth chasing after older males in my life like a lost puppy hoping someone will pick me out of the box left on the side of the road. I'm lucky to have found at least one person in my life who fulfills that role for me. He's only a few years older chronologically but decades older in experience and maturity.
I've learned a lot over the last few years about how things actually were as opposed to how I saw them. Examples being:
1) My sperm donor is a "what's mine is mine and what's your's in mine too"
2) My sperm donor inflated what he actually did as a "provider" and the reality was quite different. The home we lived in was paid for out of my mother's pocket, my immediate needs (clothes, medication, snacks, activities, school needs) were paid for out of my mother's pocket, and money that had been gifted from family for me to go into a college fund "disappeared" right around the time my dad decided to buy a vintage British racing car.
3) My sperm donor has his side of the family convinced he's father and husband of the year.
4) My sperm donor is stubborn. Not in a cute way, but in a way that's resulted in thousands of dollars of home damage, refusal to repair things for decades because he refuses to call in a professional, and literally refusing to allow his spouse to undergo medical treatment for two years past when it was deemed medically necessary.
The first 10 years of my life were ok, but in my early teens my mom got "sick". To lend some context, her mother also "got sick" when she was in her mid forties. There was never a diagnosis and an autopsy of mother's mother showed only a minor stomach ulcer. Both sets of grandparents are long since dead, any family on her side is gone, and I have no one who was around during that time to give me any input or tell me what was going on at that time other than my parents who have opposing views. Mom says her mother was just a very sickly lady but would also tell me stories about how Grandma would do things like steal motorcycles, get into fights, and do all these crazy things as a younger person. SD's version of events is that Grandma always "got sick" whenever someone in their family or friend circle had an event that might not make Grandma the centre of attention. My understanding is that my mom was expected to act as a live in nurse up until she met and married SD. At which point Grandma and Grandpa dropped dead in quick succession. I am also told that Grandpa took and controlled all my mother's wages from her career up until she met my SD.
Mom "got sick" in my early teens and it was on me to be the one to look after her. I was the one who had to help her when she threw up. I was the one to have to remind her to shower, change her clothes, get her meds refilled, etc. I'd go to doctor's appts with her and try to help explain what was happening and what symptoms she was having because unfortunately, a lot of the doctors were male and dismissed her out of hand. She did end up with a fibromyalgia diagnosis, a condition I also share and understand. The majority of her symptoms are stomach issues; ie nausea, vomiting, not wanting to eat etc. When I say she's had the entire gamut of gut health testing done, I mean it's all been done. At least three times. At one point the Gastro she saw told her that he'd exhausted everything and that there is no physical reason for her symptoms and that if she did not at least try to eat, he'd send her for psychiatric evaluation and have her fitted with a feeding tube.
I need to clarify that I too have always had gastrointestinal issues and not too long ago discovered I have coeliac disease. Adhering to that diet has eliminated the majority of my issues. Despite the fact they eliminated this disease as a potential cause in my mom, I suggested trying this and an elimination diet to see if it helped, but she refused. Her diet for years has consisted of white bread and jam, grits, coca cola, and tea exclusively. Occasionally she would get sushi. This is not an exaggeration. That's all she has eaten for years.
Throughout all of this, my SD rolled his eyes and sat on his ass continuing to eat dinner or watch tv while she'd go running to the kitchen to vomit, me chasing after her to try and help. (Mom would at least appear to get faint during these vomiting instances) so I would be there to make sure she didn't pass out as she vomited in the sink, then clean out the sink after her, then help her back to the couch and bring her something to drink.
It's been 20 years of this now. My wife and I have been living in our own home for about 4 years and I am no longer there to be the one to try and clean up the messes and fill in the cracks, as it were. My family has visited us three times, even though we live maybe 45 minutes away. I have returned to my parents house probably about 15-20 times to do repairs to the home. Right now, all "repairs" have stalled out because apparently having things like a functional and safe bathroom aren't nearly as important to SD as buying military collectibles, guns, and gourmet cheeses.
This January Mom landed herself in the hospital with a bloodclot due to falling and hitting her head. My SD didn't take her to the hospital until a full week after she'd fallen and no one called me for a full 24 hours after she'd been admitted. She went back and forth amongst the ER, rehab, and hospital for about two months and the result of all that was that they discovered she has throat dysphagia but no other underlying disorders. She's now home with a G-tube, oxygen, bedside commode, and an in home nurse that visit occasionally.
Right now, what's weighing on me most strongly is that my parents now have my SD's sister living with them and she is constantly singing his praises and talking about what a wonderful and attentive husband he is. I'm honestly enraged about it, especially now that more of the extended family, who frankly couldn't be arsed to return phone calls, emails, or snail mail over the last 30 years, suddenly have opinions and are lauding him for how great he's been.
I feel like I have this Monty Python 10 tonne weight over my head, because I know that when my parents shuffle off this mortal coil there is going to be a veritable dungheap left for me to deal with in their decrepit home. I'm mad and sad and tired and I honestly just don't want to deal with it anymore. I can't stop feeling irritated that my mom has basically just given up on trying to do.... anything. And had done way before there was an "excuse". Holidays are a nightmare for me because there's nothing this woman wants or like or gets excited about. She doesn't have hobbies anymore, doesn't like doing anything, isn't interested in collecting things, doing crafts, etc, even talking. The times I've been around her for any length of time and attempted to talk to her, she just looks at me with this kind of watery eyed and vaguely befuddled expression or answers with one or two syllables. She is NOT suffering any dementia or similar issues and has been tested for such. It's like she just... doesn't care.
I've spent so long trying to make her comfortable, happy, etc. Tried to get her things she liked or get her into things that would make her happy. My wife's mother is only a few years younger and is active in her community, teaches classes, does art, goes on trip with my FIL, and visits and talks to people regularly. As do most of my peers' parents. This is really hard and I feel very sad and lonely about it. My poor wife has heard it all over and over again and I hate bothering my already stressed close friends with my rants....

We went this past weekend and it just happened to co-occur with a Grad Nite (Friday, May 10th) and Mother’s Day (May 12th). Neither was planned for or around, just a happenstance of timing.
I love reading trip reports, so I’ll do my part and share mine here (with some snack reports as well)!
Cost - tickets were about $275 for 3 days thanks to SoCal Resident discounted tickets. I added park hopper ($60) and Genie plus for all 3 days (30/day = $90) which brought individual ticket prices up to $425. We stayed at the Anaheim Hilton for $169/night (with taxes and parking included). I found the deal on Priceline advertised for 115/night but that of course didn’t factor in other stuff. Grand total for 3 people, 3 nights with park hopper and G+ = $1,782.
Itinerary - Friday DCA —> DL; Saturday DL —> DCA; Sunday DCA 1/2 day. We didn’t park hop at all on Saturday and stayed in DL all day.
Crowd ‘feel’
Friday, DCA - morning, 3/10; afternoon 6/10; evening 8/10
Saturday, DL - morning - afternoon 7/10; evening 8/10
Sunday, DCA - morning 7/10; afternoon 8/10

• Friday we started in DCA early (8:15 am) and it was really quiet! Most rides were walk-on until about 11am. The crowd mix was about 30% ‘Disney adults’ (no slander here, just drinking age grownups with no children around), 30% families with kids, and the rest were the Youth of Grad Nite. We heard lots of ‘skibbidi’ and ‘sigma’, but the Youth were mostly well behaved in the morning. I didn’t encounter any breakdowns this day, rode RSR, Incredicoaster, and GoG 2x! We park hopped and went to DL around 8 pm. We tried to do Space Mountain after park hopping but it had a mini-breakdown (line wasn't moving for a while but we weren't sent away) so we skipped and joined walk-up at Oga's. By that point I had 28k steps and one too many overpriced cocktails and was D-U-N done.
• Saturday we scanned into DL around 830 am and could tell it was a very different mix of guests. Most passholders were blocked, so the crowd was pretty consistent all day. We got all of our LLs that we wanted except Mickey's Runaway Railroad which broke down early and then didn't have LLs until after 10pm. That said, this was the toughest time I personally have had getting LLs that I wanted! Everyone else was, well... like me: strategizing hard and stacking LLs AND they got an earlier start than us. I'm used to going on weekdays when I can usually get on everything I want just by showing up before 9 am.
• Sunday was back to DCA and Mother's Day crowds were kind of big, but mostly headed to DL in the morning. We got to do everything we wanted again except Incredicoaster, which broke down all day.

Stray observations and food ratings:

• Characters were EVERYWHERE. We bumped into and interacted with Chewie, Rey, Jack Sparrow and the lady pirate in the red dress (who tried to talk to our kid but he was over it all by then), Storm Troopers, Mando and Grogu... just jam packed (and in no particular order obviously). The characters were all fantastic as usual, and I personally love playing along and interacting with them in character. I felt bad for Jack Sparrow as there was a lady who really aggressively forced her way into a picture when he was clearly done and moving on.
• the Better Together parade was cute! We watched from a little alcove that was off the beaten path and got a good view.
• Pixar snacks and drinks in DCA were mostly good! The best booth in the whole park IMO was the Elemental one. The exothermic margarita with rock candy was BOMB, and I loved the kol nut puff pastry thingy too. I think the bao at the Turning Red booth was also amazing! The drinks at Gusteau's to go were just so-so, and I felt the same about the Luca themed one. The Gusteau macoron is a must try though.

All in all, a great trip and I felt like I planned most things just right. I took things much slower on Saturday and Sunday since we do these trips about 2x a year now and I didn't feel like we needed to milk every dollar's worth with the SoCal discount.