I don't know how to style my hair or properly take care of it, every time I shower my hair is extremely fluffy and thin feeling, washing my hair with cold water helped a little bit but not as much as I would like, I have straight hair with about three inches on top and a semi long mullet, I can usually get the mullet to look nice but it's the top I struggle with, and no matter what I do hairspray or gel or doesnt stay the way i want or its just flat, im not sure what style to do for the top or how to do it, and my hair doesn't stay and I'm not sure how to train it..Can anyone help me and give me advice, I can provide pictures of necessary

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

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LIBRA ZODIAC PREDICTIONS MAY 2024

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I flushed my coolant today but I'm worried there's probably still cleaner still in the coolant. I drained the original coolant as much as I could with the engine cold, added distilled water and cleaner, drove for 20 minutes, let the engine cool for an hour, drained the same way (came out looking like coolant instead of water), then added as much coolant as I could. What worries me is the manual says the capacity is 2.4 gallons but I was only able to add about 1.5 gallons of fluid each time which makes me think I didn't fully drain the coolant and some of the cleaner is still in the engine which can't be good. Am I overthinking this or should I keep flushing it to make sure there no more cleaner. I have a 2003 lexus es300.

Recently it’s gotten warmer and I’ve been turning on my AC last summer my AC wasn’t that cold and I knew I should’ve recharged it but I skipped on it and recently I used it again and there seems to be water coming from under the passenger cabin between my oil pan and resonator and idk if it’s clogged or something and my question is if it’s harmful or something if water just keeps dripping out everytime I turn the ac one

I have a section of a building where hot water is coming from the cold. I’ve isolated all the mixing valves with no success. There is a janitor sink but the water is isolated as it should. I did notice a significant pressure drop when the cold water is used in other areas of the building. Is it possible that a pressure drop could cause a vacuum drawing the hot into the cold at the electric water tank?
-There is no vacuum breaker on the tank. -I’m sure the PRV is faulty.

I just started playing official servers today and I’ve had my fair share of interesting lives and interactions. one nice guy who parted with a bottle which came in clutch but when I finally got it all figured out I got a damn cold. I have medium insulated or higher clothes my food and water stay in the white, I’ve tried taking terta pills on two different occasions once while sitting infront of a lit fire and nothing will break it what am I doing wrong.

Ever since I built my first 80486-based computer, I've been hooked on PC building as a hobby. I'm not going to pretend to be some expert who can make custom hardline builds and overclock them.
For a time, I through hardship, and stopped building for a long time. When I came back, water coolers were everywhere. I didn't understand the difference between closed loop (AIO) and open loop (custom). And all of that RGB stuff looked annoying and terrifying.
I'm older. We older people get crabby about change.
Anyway, I ended up swallowing my pride and bought a pre-built. It was shitty as many pre-builts are (CyberPower if you must know). Somehow, some buffoon managed to install the wrong BIOS from a different model, making the BIOS impossible to update. The 120 AIO was shit, and I had to upgrade it, which helped me overcome my fear of those new-fangled AIOs and RGB and whatnot.
Then the shitshow computer died right in the middle of the pandemic when it was impossible to buy a graphics card thanks to all those cryptobro morons destroying the environment for what turned out to be a shitty fad for libertarian softheads who can't tell the difference between Bioshock and Ocean's Gate. So I was forced to buy another pre-built because that was the only way to get a decent graphics card at the time.
I'm getting the itch to build a whole new computer from scratch. The cheapo web-browsing computer I recently built for a relative doesn't count, but this entire generation of graphics cards is a dumpster fire, so I didn't.
But now, all the experts are saying that water cooled AIOs are just for looks, and you're better off with air cooled.
Damnit.
Look, I've used HSF (heatsink fan) coolers for most of my adult life. It's what I'm used to. But I finally got used to water cooling, I finally got good at installing and/or upgrading AIOs, and now everyone is saying go back to HSF.
I should have just remained a curmudgeon and stuck with air all along, damnit.
Anyway, I replaced my existing NZXT Kraken X63 with a Thermalright Phantom Spirit 120 SE. I love it. It's so much simpler, it will be more reliable in the long-term, and it even makes less noise at idle (which surprised me). The temperatures fluctuate more, but the floor for idle is lower than it was on the 280mm AIO, which surprised me. In BIOS, the temps are some 10°C lower.
I'm just crabbing about the fact that I dug in my heels and resisted making the jump from air to water (so much so that I swalled my pride and bought a pre-built), then I dug my heels in and resisted the move back to air.
What the [bad word] is wrong with me?
PS—did anyone else ever use one of those Piezo-based hot side-cold side CPU coolers back in the day?

Hai :D I am 19 & this would be my first ever job… I was really excited to start working at Sam’s club. But after today, I felt so discouraged. Before, I was so happy to have a badge with my name and was eagerly waiting for my uninform shirt. Having a job felt like a dream comes true, to be apart of something bigger than myself and to help others.
I had orientation today! It started with my supervisor playing these in-general videos for orientation. It lasted about an hour, and then it was time to begin work in the cafe! The team lead is young like me, so I felt comfortable around her. She taught me how to cut the pizzas, the plate them, how to make the sundaes, etc. But I am still SO confused. She only taught me things once & then it was hands on. I have NEVER handled a cash register in my life so I was really confused when my co-worker wanted me to handle it for a second. The cafe is very fast paced, as you often have to switch roles with your co-workers. (being cashier, completing orders, refilling the food). It was pretty overwhelming not having a certain task/area to just STICK to. It truly felt like those food games called Cooking Fever or Papa’s Pizzeria loll.
A different co-worker reminded me that this work is “FAST PACED, to stop being nervous.”I guess I was slow at cutting :/ I just really hate when I do things wrong or too slow. One worker told me to cut & plate the pizza, the other told me throw it away bc it’s burnt… I feel like I couldn’t do anything right.
I didn’t even know I was supposed to have a whole lunch :/ my supervisor told me 15 minute break, but it was my meal time! I just went to the bathroom, drank my water bottle, & came back early. There was food in the break room too, but is it for me?? :(
By the end of my shift, my fingertips were burnt from the hot dog cover. (How do you open it without your bare hands 😭) And I got burnt from the pizza too… My face still feels warm & burnt from being next to the pizza oven & hot dogs all day. Even when I got home my breath smelled like pizza! smh lol
I am off tomorrow, my next day off is Monday the 20th :/ My first week, I’m scheduled for 41 HOURS but I’m part-time! How am I going to do this…. I feel so embarrassed not knowing how to do anything the right way NOR fast. I wish I wasn’t the only new person cuz I feel like a dog listening to everyone and can’t think for myself…
Anyway, I walked home… happy to have gotten through the day. I finally realized what it felt like to work and be in the same position as those who have served me and my family! I felt an immense amount of respect to those who make it look so easy. But, I couldn’t help but feel so sad after today. I felt sad for myself for starting a job that I probably wasn’t ready for. I felt mad at myself for not having that prior experience… I should’ve been more strict with my schedule because I start at such different times (9am, 7am, 11 am, 12pm, 2 pm!!) I’m trying to be positive, but the thing I hate most is disappointing people and it felt like I was doing that exact thing all day.

Have a 19 year old house which I’ve owned for 4 years. I’ve upgraded faucets from the builder grade stuff since I’ve owned it and this was a problem before, so I know it’s not an issue with the fixture. Both sinks take almost 5 minutes for the water to get hot. The tub and shower are just feet away and both of those heat up within 1-2 minutes. It’s so annoying. I hate letting the water run for 5 minutes to wash my face at night. It doesn’t matter if the shower or tub I s already running and hot- the sink water is still cold and takes almost as long to heat up. Surely the water for tub and sink is coming into that bathroom in the same line, then getting separated somewhere nearby, right? Is this problem because the tub and shower are moving larger amounts of water through the line faster and emptying out the cold water between them and the water heater more quickly? Is there anything I can do to improve it? Sorry if this is a stupid question. I’m not a plumber but I’ve renovated a couple of bathrooms and kitchens and understand the basics of how the water comes into the house to the heater and then to where ever it’s going, and can’t picture what causes this delay in hot water between fixtures that are in the same room.

Just wondering. The guys I usually work with say no, so I say no. But today I was offered water twice in my service calls, and I accepted both times. Don’t wanna feel like a moocher, I got my own waters in the truck, but also when they’re offering a nice, ice cold, sweaty water bottle it’s kinda hard to say no.

LIBRA ZODIAC PREDICTIONS MAY 2024

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I’ve been surfing in the PNW for a few years, but considering moving back to the Lake Superior area, where I’m from, to be closer to elderly parents. Looking for an honest assessment of the differences between the two in regard to surfing and whether or not I would regret it. A bit of context:

• My local is Westport, WA so I’m pretty used to surfing cold, rough water and short period swells
  
• I’m not too picky about wave conditions - ride mostly logs and mids and have fun in small waves
  

Will I enjoy lake surfing or will it not really compare? Also, how many days a year would you say the lakes are actually surfable? (I know that’s probably spot dependent)

“““I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!” ‭‭Revelation‬ ‭3:15-16‬ ‭NLT‬‬
Christ had come to send a message to the church of Laodicea. The message would rebuke them of their lukewarmness, causing the lord to threatened to spit them out of his mouth. While many may not understand the full context of the verse, “spitting out of his mouth” leaves a bad connotation. What does it mean to be lukewarm, and how do we avoid being spat out?
The city of Laodicea( the location of the church this message was written to) was located between two other cities, Hierapolis( north of it) and Colossae(south of it). Hieapolis was filled with hot springs, heated from a volcanic mountain nearby, and is known for it’s hot springs even today. The people of Hierapolis believed that the hot springs obtained a healing nature, and would use the thermal springs for patients. This obviously makes the water good and useful.
However when water flowed from Hieapolis down to Laodicea, it took so long to do so that the water cooled, turning from hot to lukewarm. So when it came to Laodicea becoming lukewarm, it lost its healing properties, and thus wasn’t useful anymore.
Think of a Christian who’s lost their saltiness. A lukewarm Christian is one who isn’t living for God, but living for the world, and thus useless to him. It’s not someone struggling with sin, but one who fully embraces it, or has backslides into it.
”This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all.“ 1 Timothy‬ ‭1‬:‭15‬ ‭NLT‬‬
If this is you, don’t fret yet, there’s still hope. God didn’t come for the healthy, but the sick. Like all sins, we must repent and turn to God. Not only this, but we must be “refined by fire.
”So I advise you to buy gold from me—gold that has been purified by fire. Then you will be rich. Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness, and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see. I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference. “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.“ ‭‭Revelation‬ ‭3‬:‭18‬-‭20‬ ‭NLT‬‬
Laodicea had a decent amount of gold, seeing they were quite wealthy. But God cares not for ones wealth, but for ones faith. Paul in 1 Peter 1:7 describes faith, which is tested by fire, much more valuable than gold. We must have a living faith in God, but like all living things, it must be made strong through trials and tests.
Laodicea was also famous for its glossy wool. But here Jesus offered pure white garments, representing the covering of sin and putting on righteousness. God’s people must be righteous, or set apart from the world, living like Christ instead of the world.
When we do these things, even if we face struggles, our faith with shine like the brightest flame.

Hey yo. Very new surfer here. Spent some time in the San Diego area surfing recently. It was absolutely amazing and I progressed pretty rapidly. It is 100% a passion of mine now.
I have a daughter (12yr old) that is interested now and I want to facilitate that to the max. I'm worried about the cold temp of the water there. I'd like to rent her a 5/4 wetsuite and get her booties. I feel pretty confident at getting her to the point of standing up, but I'm worried about the cold temp turning her off to the sport. Maybe teaching her proper paddling to warm the blood? I just want her to have a good time. I'll buy all the coaching sessions she wants, no prob. Just want to make it awesome from the beginning.

Hey there! I just wanted to weigh in with my personal experience taking wellbutrin for 2 years to manage depression, for anyone else out there who may find this helpful.
Before going into details, I want to emphasize that for managing my depression, wellbutrin was absolutely incredible and saved me from a really dark and heavy period in my life. Further, while stomach issues with wellbutrin are not uncommon, I believe my reaction was likely exceptionally severe (so I don't want to fearmonger).
The Good:
Wellbutrin was a huge help for me. I was on 150 mg for ~5 months and then 300 mg for ~20 months. It helped my depression a lot (though not my anxiety). I noticed on 150 mg my mood was quite unpredictable in a way that was really uncomfortable for me, but going up to 300 mg leveled things out.
The Ugly:
How it Started
While I was on wellbutrin, especially after going up to 300 mg, I slowly started to develop stomach issues. I had struggled with IBS-like symptoms on-and-off for a long time, but after about 3 months on wellbutrin it started to get much worse, and within 1 year of being on 300 mg it became horrifically unmanageable.
Stomach Pain & Diet
I lost over 10 pounds within a month last summer and, for context, I am already someone who has been "underweight" my whole life. I lost the weight really rapidly, none of my clothes fit, and I had no energy. I would take my wellbutrin in the morning (as is generally advised) and by around 2 pm would start to feel really bloated, and it would just get worse and worse until the evening, to the point where I could never eat dinner, or even leave the house much, and would just sit on the couch with a hot water bottle. At one point the pain was so bad a family physician sent me to the ER thinking I had appendicitis! I had multiple ultrasounds that came back clear.
I became gluten intolerant (not even a bite of bread was okay) and developed a pretty severe intolerance to soy (even small trace amounts of soy lecithin in things like granola bars and chocolate would take me out for an entire day)
Ultimately, doctors classified it just as IBS and put me on the low-FODMAP diet. It certainly helped, and it helped me identify my 'trigger' foods, but with being vegetarian, on low-FODMAP, and unable to eat soy, my diet felt impossibly restrictive. But, I felt better and stuck to it.
Eventually, the low-FODMAP diet stopped working, and this past January I had another flareup. This time was even worse. No foods were safe foods, and I was constantly in pain and bloated (to the point of looking 6 months pregnant on a regular basis). Eating became something I feared, but not eating would trigger stomach pain as well. I couldn't eat so much as a salad without taking multiple IB-Guard capsules beforehand and ginger gravol after, and even then it was painful.
Menstrual Cycle
While my stomach issues were constant, they definitely became significantly worse around my period and around mid-cycle (ovulation) for about a week at a time (so 2 out of 4 weeks, rip), and it was debilitating. For 2 days before my period and around ovulation, it felt like I had the flu. I couldn't eat, I would have the chills, throw up, be nauseous, and virtually unable to eat. This lead doctors to think I may have severe endometriosis, despite the absence of period cramps or heavy bleeding (which is possible, but unlikely).
Figuring It Out
I went to yet another doctor and she sent me for some tests, but I live in Montreal, Canada, where the wait times for those specific tests were ~8 months each, and I just couldn't handle it anymore. So, I decided to do an experiment on myself. Keep in mind that because the stomach problems evolved slowly while I took wellbutrin, I never realized it could be what was causing my issues-and for some reason no doctor suggested that either.
I realized that I took my medications in the morning, and by lunch I would start to feel unwell. So I did a trial where one day I didn't take the other prescription medication I take (sprionolactone for hormonal acne)-no difference. The next day, I didn't take my wellbutrin. I had the best day I had had in well over a year. No stomach pain whatsoever. I thought it could be a fluke, so I skipped a second day. No pain. Day 3, I took half my usual dose (150 mg)-horrible pain. So, I did what doctors would definitely not recommend and went off it cold turkey. Stomach problems=gone. It was incredible, and I felt like I had my life back.
Today
Today I feel amazing. I have virtually no stomach problems at all, and I have started to re-introduce foods that I could not tolerate a small bite of before. My gluten and soy intolerances completely disappeared, which was shocking. Last week I had pasta for the first time, today I had tofu for the first time again. Having a restrictive diet was not super bothersome to me after I got used to it, and I know many people live their whole lives with eating restrictions like that. But it is nice to be able to expand my diet again (especially as a vegetarian, being able to eat things like tofu and seitan is sooo helpful). I don't feel horrible around my period at all. I feel like I have my life back-I can go out with friends at night and just enjoy myself and not be in pain, not have to take 3 different supplements to eat a meal, can eat whatever I want on occasional restaurant outings, etc. My stomach problems felt like they took up 90% of my thoughts and energy, and now I have that all back to put towards myself and the people I care about <3
Important: Now, for the first few weeks wellbutrin withdrawal was kind of no big deal. I was definitely tired, but it was manageable and went away after a short while. HOWEVER, a month after I had a full nervous breakdown that was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I was inconsolable for 4 days, and eventually went to the ER, and ended up taking Ativan to get through the couple days that followed. However, I was put on Lexapro (just 5 mg) and have been 100% fine and thriving since, and my anxiety is way better than it ever was on wellbutrin. I should also note that I left a very, very difficult relationship during this time, and it went quite horribly, and so while I would be amiss to not say quitting wellbutirn cold turkey didn't contribute to this "breakdown", I think context is really important.
I should also note that I have a history of having a hard time with prescription medications (so before anyone else says it first, myself or a doctor probably should have guessed wellbutrin was the culprit long before the 2 years). In any case... I had to stop taking Zoloft a few years back because it made me horribly nauseous and bloated, and the same was true for oral contraceptives (I tried 5 different ones over 4 years and all caused horrible nausea)-I now have a copper IUD.
TLDR: Wellbutrin help my anxiety but caused horrific stomach problems (severe and painful bloating, constipation, stomach cramping, nausea) and lead me to develop intense food intolerances (to gluten and soy) and made a strict low-FODMAP diet the only way to keep myself going. Stopping wellbutrin cured my stomach issues within a month, but quitting cold turkey lead to an intense emotional break.
Sorry this was so long, but I hope it helps someone

Hello,
I've been mostly lurking here for a year and learning lots, so thanks for everyone who has shared and answered questions for noobs. I started my aquaponics adventure with a Aqua sprouts 10 gallon kit which for me has been a great place to start. Now I want to move to a bigger setup outside. Primary goal is to have fun, continue to learn new ways of gardening, all while keeping it look nice enough to not piss off my wife for taking over the patio. Not planning on harvesting fish.
Here is my plan, working from the bottom up.
I have a 100 gallon stock tank for the fish. Going with mostly (or all) comet gold fish because they can survive the cold winters and poop a lot, and i'm not eating them. I plan on using a substrate in the tank of soil covered with sand and rocks for fish to hide. Maybe one day I'll do aquatic plants if this project progresses well enough. I already have an air stone, which might be way to small, but will be ready to adjust if oxygen levels are too low.
I plan on using a 10(ish) gallon pot to hold a bog filter to remove solid waste.
For plants I am planning on 4" PVC pipes for NFT setup. I would like to also do a small media bed for cucumbers or larger plants but might add those later.
The plan is to use two pumps, one for the bog filter and one for the NFT water movement, both will empty into fish tank.
Questions:

1. Are there any really obvious mistakes I am making so far?
2. Is the bog filter the right choice for aquaponics system? I've mostly seen it in pond applications and not sure if it could get in the way of the nitrate/ nitrogen cycle.
3. Still haven't figured the fish to plant ratio but was going to start roughly with the "one pound of fish biomass for every three to five square feet of plant growing area."

Anyway, thanks for any tips y'all can provide.