Sample application letter of nurse

Hello,
I am 23 years old and have recently applied for the ARMY.
Unfortunately my application was rejected for two reasons. Those reasons being, "Two or more episodes of depression between 2018 - 2024" and "Two noted episodes of anxiety in 2018 - 2022".
Now I've read the JSP and seen that what they are quoting is true, however I no longer suffer from depression and never really did to begin with. Those episodes of depression and anxiety occurred at similar times because my uncle died and as it was my first ever bout with loss, i fell into depression, then after a couple of years, my other uncle (more like a father) died also.
Now I've already sent an email to my current doctor and asked for help in re-evaluating my mental health and to see if a doctors letter and/or a psychiatric evaluation would help my case. I am not the sad teenager i once was, and i am definitely much more confident, stable and tougher that i was then. I'm not saying this to toot my own horn but to show I am not the immature person i once was.
My question is, what would help my case, and what could i do prove my mental stability.
Thanks in advance.

So I want to learn to speak Tagalog. Yes I know there are many variations. I’m looking for the most prominent one similar to mandarin/cantonese.
Quite simply I work in nursing and so many people are from the phillipines. I hear Tagalog all day long. Not a problem.
But I’m also on dialysis . Have kidney failure. And there’s this girl these that I talk to a lot….. she speaks Tagalog. I though it would be cool to learn a bit….im a simple man…. When I was with my ex I learned beginners French……
Anyways, I’m reading a book on Tagalog and watching some videos and its the same problem I had with French. I know Spanish and English. So I try to speak those when I try another language. But I learned those by starting with the alphabet then gramatical rules. Then progressing to words…. For example CAT = ccc—aaaa—-tttt…. And GATO…… gh… ah…. Ttt….O. And French - CHATTE. I can literally hear those words, they sound similar and spell them out because I know those alphabets and grammar rules. When I’m reading or listening to Tagalog…. It sounds different. The letters don’t seem to always correspond with the character itself. And I’m trying to find a book on grammatical rules.
Question: how do you guys teach children Tagalog? Outside of school? What resources/ rules, things help them learn….
They say it’s harder to learn a language the older you get. I disagree….. it’s more that the people teaching you are adults. And they are teaching you as another adult and not as they would a child learning the rules. My approach to Tagalog would be to try from the basics and build to try to avoid any bad habits.
Anyways , thank you.

I am back with another review for my holy grail - the AB lip balm-again, it’s gonna be a long post.
As I have mentioned again and again, the AB balm is the one to rule them all. It moisturizes, it removes my lip peeling, and prevents future peeling. It has a heavenly texture, and no matter how much you apply it to your lips, there is no pilling or white cast even after rubbing your lips together. Don’t get me started with how it feels on your lips, my lips feel sooooo pillowy (not sure if that’s a word). This has also been the first winter that my lips have not cracked or been painful dry…and it is this beautiful texture that is its downfall.
I was very excited when I found out that Augustinus Bader was coming with a color version of this lip balm with a collaboration with Sofia Coppola . It’s no exaggeration that I’ve been through at least 15 tubes of this lip balm. I keep one accesible at all time (purse, desk, by my bed, etc) … that’s how much I like it.
The version comes with a very cute colored strip at the base of the tube and colored logo at the top. On the inside of the tube, the letters are also highlighted with color. The change is minimal, but meshes well. Whoever was in charge, did a good job.
The AB balm texture continues to be its original buttery, and light formula. For reference, I chose the shade #1. Now, if you’ve ever used watery lip tints, you’ll know that they will settle into dry spots. For me it makes those dry spots a shade darker and make my lips overall, blotchy. Some also settle into your lip lines if you don’t blot them with your finger. This is exactly what the AB tinted balm does, it’s just that in this instance, it is its amazing formula that works against it. The color settles immediately on my lip lines, it is not a smooth even application of color that a lip stain like a Rare Beauty Lip Oil would give you . It also leave (hopefully this makes sense) an outline of color where the rounded edge of the lip balm touches my lip. Meaning that it leaves patches of colored lines on the outline of my lips. I’m disappointed, so disappointed. I REALLY REALLY wanted to love it, but I can’t…the only way to salvage it is to even it out with my fingers, but that defeats the purpose of an easy, no mirror application. If you are not careful with its application, you’ll look like a baby that’s learning how to eat and has food all around their lips after slurping spaghetti!!!
Now, this tinted balm did give me an idea. I felt that its texture would mesh well with a tint or stain. I have a lot of leftover AB tubes. I save them, scrape the leftovers at the bottom of the tube, melt and fill a little pot with it.
This time around, I dug through my lippies and chose my Cha Cha Benefit tint in “mango”. I melted all my lip balm leftover on a wax burner. I (generously, but did not measure it) poured the lip tint in the melted lip balm. This made the AB melted lip balm solidify a bit, but as soon as it warmed again, it melted and after stirring it, it combined beautifully. I did noticed that it solidified easily as soon as I pulled it away from the wax burner and so I had to work fast…and Voila!!! It turned soooooo goood! My hunch was right and my little experiment worked!
As soon as the leftovers from the pot I melted the lip balm on solidified, I tried it on. Guys, the melting process did not destroy its original texture (although I have yet to see how this mixture will work in a lip tube form). The color spreads smooth on my lips, no blotching or settling on my imperfections or dry lips, and with the cute color payoff!
So, with little extra work, I came with the best of both worlds! My favorite of all time lip balm, but with a “personal improvement”.
I do hope that in the future, Augustinus Bader will come with a similar product… and as soon as that happens, I will be getting my hand on them too!

I am back with another review for my holy grail - the AB lip balm-again, it’s gonna be a long post.
As I have mentioned again and again, the AB balm is the one to rule them all. It moisturizes, it removes my lip peeling, and prevents future peeling. It has a heavenly texture, and no matter how much you apply it to your lips, there is no pilling or white cast even after rubbing your lips together. Don’t get me started with how it feels on your lips, my lips feel sooooo pillowy (not sure if that’s a word). This has also been the first winter that my lips have not cracked or been painful dry…and it is this beautiful texture that is its downfall.
I was very excited when I found out that Augustinus Bader was coming with a color version of this lip balm with a collaboration with Sofia Coppola . It’s no exaggeration that I’ve been through at least 15 tubes of this lip balm. I keep one accesible at all time (purse, desk, by my bed, etc) … that’s how much I like it.
The version comes with a very cute colored strip at the base of the tube and colored logo at the top. On the inside of the tube, the letters are also highlighted with color. The change is minimal, but meshes well. Whoever was in charge, did a good job.
The AB balm texture continues to be its original buttery, and light formula. For reference, I chose the shade #1. Now, if you’ve ever used watery lip tints, you’ll know that they will settle into dry spots. For me it makes those dry spots a shade darker and make my lips overall, blotchy. Some also settle into your lip lines if you don’t blot them with your finger. This is exactly what the AB tinted balm does, it’s just that in this instance, it is its amazing formula that works against it. The color settles immediately on my lip lines, it is not a smooth even application of color that a lip stain like a Rare Beauty Lip Oil would give you . It also leave (hopefully this makes sense) an outline of color where the rounded edge of the lip balm touches my lip. Meaning that it leaves patches of colored lines on the outline of my lips. I’m disappointed, so disappointed. I REALLY REALLY wanted to love it, but I can’t…the only way to salvage it is to even it out with my fingers, but that defeats the purpose of an easy, no mirror application. If you are not careful with its application, you’ll look like a baby that’s learning how to eat and has food all around their lips after slurping spaghetti!!!
Now, this tinted balm did give me an idea. I felt that its texture would mesh well with a tint or stain. I have a lot of leftover AB tubes. I save them, scrape the leftovers at the bottom of the tube, melt and fill a little pot with it.
This time around, I dug through my lippies and chose my Cha Cha Benefit tint in “mango”. I melted all my lip balm leftover on a wax burner. I (generously, but did not measure it) poured the lip tint in the melted lip balm. This made the AB melted lip balm solidify a bit, but as soon as it warmed again, it melted and after stirring it, it combined beautifully. I did noticed that it solidified easily as soon as I pulled it away from the wax burner and so I had to work fast…and Voila!!! It turned soooooo goood! My hunch was right and my little experiment worked!
As soon as the leftovers from the pot I melted the lip balm on solidified, I tried it on. Guys, the melting process did not destroy its original texture (although I have yet to see how this mixture will work in a lip tube form). The color spreads smooth on my lips, no blotching or settling on my imperfections or dry lips, and with the cute color payoff!
So, with little extra work, I came with the best of both worlds! My favorite of all time lip balm, but with a “personal improvement”.
I do hope that in the future, Augustinus Bader will come with a similar product… and as soon as that happens, I will be getting my hand on them too!

This is in Michigan. Sorry for the length, I just wanted to include as much as possible to make our situation easier to understand--sort of, lol!
In March 2024, we applied for SNAP and Medicaid because my husband's job had slowed down. (They were shifting assignments around, and the clients were trying to save money, so no one knew when their next assignment was going to be).
Over the last 2 months, we have gotten a letter about every 2 weeks or so, stating that originally we were eligible for FULL coverage Medicaid, (March) then we weren't, (March/April) then we were again, but only with a spend down amount of a couple thousand a month each (March/April again). Then we got another one that we were eligible but only for something called PFFP Medicaid (whatever that is), that said "ongoing May/June)".
Now we just got a new one 2 days ago, that says that for the month of June we are NOT eligible for MSP for the following reasons: Me- for "not being under 21, pregnant, having a minor child, not being over 65, or being disabled" --I of course am not the other things, but I AM disabled, and have been receiving SSDI since February 2023!
For my husband it says he is "not eligible" for the MSP for the same reasons, and also for NOT being over 65, when he IS over 65! Is this wrong, or am I missing something???
Additional info: When we first applied, he was off work, and had applied for retirement, since his job had cut back on employee assignments, but it hadn't come through yet. When we applied, and we didn't know when it would come through, because he had not had the interview call yet.
About 3 weeks after we applied for MDHHS benefits, we had to call SS for something else, and the woman asked a few questions of him, and all of a sudden fast tracked his retirement, since it had been a couple of months since he had applied, but hadn't spoken to anyone yet to complete the retirement application.
He received 2 retirement checks about a week later, so we reported that, and assumed that our benefits might change. Our SNAP benefits decreased which we expected, but then, after submitting all of our documents to them, including the VOE that he was no longer working, they calculated our income, (that showed less than $1000 a month by THEIR calculations) but then it showed our countable income as "0", so we are really confused, because it shows our gross as a little over the limit, but then they calculate it and it's "under", so I'm really confused at this point.
They had told us that they were going to start to cover our Part B premiums, and they even sent my husband back two months of premiums because he had been paying OOP for them since he turned 65 last August. No one has said yet whether we have to begin paying those premiums again or not, but I don't want some huge surprise in a couple of months, so we are just at a loss right now.
Can any of the specialists offer some clarity, please? Thank you for any explanation you can offer, and simple language please!

I graduated last year with a BS in Biology with Honors from a top 10 public university. I tried getting a job all of last summer with no luck (only one interview) so I ended up taking an unpaid internship position that I am still at. For the past month I have been applying to any entry level lab position (mostly lab assistant/lab technician roles) at both public research institutes as well as biotech companies. I have not heard back from a single application and at this point I’ve done ~75 applications.
I’ve gotten to the point where I feel like there is something critically wrong with my application. I’ve had multiple people look over my Cv and cover letters but they all say it looks good.
I totally fulfill all the requirements of most of the jobs that I am applying to. Am I doing something wrong?

Messaging on behalf of a friend needing assistance with establishing child support in Florida:
BACKGROUND: She has a 7 year old with the baby daddy who has been out of the picture for over 4 years now. When he left, they were living together in an apartment when he trashed the place (holes in walls, broken doors, etc) and walked out leaving a ~$3K charge to her credit report. She has been working as a server and also knocking out a nursing degree, graduating with her bachelors degree this summer. It’s been very tough financially and she is now facing an eviction because the apartment raised rent by $350 with only a 2 week notice so the additional child support income would make an immense difference if we succeed.
INFO: She opened up a case with the Florida Department of Revenue (DOR) child support program (CSP) in June of 2023 and they gave feedback that they could not find him. Earlier this year, she was able to find his legitimate address and place of work to submit in her case. Despite all of this, she recently received a letter in the mail from the Florida DOR CSP stating:
‘On 06/07/2023, we started this proceeding by issuing a Notice of Proceeding to Establish Administrative Support Order. We have decided to end this proceeding because We have been unable to find the other parent to serve the first notice.
This proceeding is terminated without prejudice. If circumstances change, a judicial or administrative proceeding may be started at a later date.’
ASK: Has anyone else had this type of trouble? It feels like we basically did DOR CSP’s job by finding the baby daddy’s address and place of work but they still came back with the letter saying they couldn’t find him. What are our options to get them to put him in a ‘found’ state in their system so that everything else can move forward in the process?

Demographics:

• Gender: Male
• Race: White
• Residence: Suburbs outside of Philadelphia, PA
• Income bracket: Upper Middle Class
• Intended Majors: Chemical or Mechanical Engineering

Academics:

• 4.0 unweighted GPA (4.23 on a 4.5 scale where honors are +0.25 and AP is +0.5)
• My school doesn't do class rankings
• 1560 SAT (800 Math)
• Will finish high school with 12 APs although I'm only in my Junior year so I'm only taking/have taken 7
• All 5s on the 3 AP exams I've taken
• Unless I choked probably another 3 5's and a 4 after how my current exams went

Extracurriculars:

• FBLA: Made it to states twice for FBLA in Mobile App Development, placed 9th last year and 3rd this year and am now attending nationals where I probably will not place top 10 but who knows maybe I'm the goat. I am running for PR this year (No clue if I'm winning)
• Student Council: I was a chair for our school charity drive and a chair for a school dance we held and have 40+ volunteer hours in the club and am running for Historian this year (No clue if I'm winning once again)
• Tutoring Club: I am currently PR in our schools tutoring club so I run a social media although not much has been posted on it and also look through application on who to accept or deny as a tutor
• STEM Club: A little weaker since it's mostly just in house competitions but I am an active member and also am running for an officer position since a lot of officers are graduating and I'm one of the most active members but I probably won't win.
• Track and Field: I ran indoor and outdoor track and field my freshman and sophomore years and only did not run this year due to a knee injury that I've been going to physical therapy for
• NHS: I have literally done nothing in this club yet other than my 10 hours that were required.
• MiniTHON: My school hosts their own version of Penn State's "THON" where we stand for 10 hours and raise awareness for pediatric cancer. I was a part of the Business Outreach Management committee and went door to door to businesses in order to get businesses to sponsor our event as well as raising over $100 for the event outside of just businesses
• Part Time Job: I work at MOD Pizza and have worked there for roughly a year now where I've had to train numerous new employees. In the summer I work 4 days a week and in the school year I work 1-2 a week.
• German NHS (Basically nothing)

Awards:

• 9th place at Pennsylvania FBLA's State Leadership Conference in Mobile Application Development
• 3rd place at Pennsylvania FBLA's State Leadership Conference in Mobile Application Development
• Student of the Month (IK this doesn't mean a lot I just have few awards unfortunately)
• 1 time Thanksgiving football champion as starting running back (Strongest EC)

Letters of Rec:

• I asked for one from my English teacher who should write some gas and then I'm between my math and bio teacher because they both know me well and I feel like my math teacher likes me more but my bio teacher might write a better one but then again the math teacher might spend more time on one because he gets asked less for them but yeah.

Essay:

• I've only drafted my essay and not many people have looked at it but it certainly isn't bad so ill give it a 5-6/10 for now but hopefully I can make it not ass cuz otherwise I'm cooked

Schools that stick out for me that I'd want to apply to of many different difficulties and that are in no particular order:

1. Drexel
2. University of Michigan
3. GA Tech (I realize that this is a big reach)
4. University of Maryland, College Park
5. Notre Dame
6. UT Austin
7. University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign (Grainger)

The list is very incomplete and I have yet to visit some of these campuses but I was wondering as of now what my odds would be at some of these schools and what I might have to do in the future in order to have a better shot at getting into these places

We received a letter recently re: the Lowry Ranch CAP project, which has an application in to build a pad and drill 32 new fracking wells in the section that’s just south of the reservoir and just east of the Southshore neighborhood.
There’s a public hearing where people can comment and ask questions on Thursday, May 16 at Arapahoe County Fairgrounds, from 5-8 pm (doors open at 4). Written comments can also be submitted for the hearing, or sent via email until June 9.
I had missed the last meeting on Apr 13, so wanted to help increase visibility on this upcoming one.
https://save-the-aurora-reservoir.co/

Hello all,
I am a prospective political science PhD student looking for advice and help, particularly in what programs to apply to and the chances of getting in. I am interested in American politics, particularly centered on elections, representation, and voting.
I have a bachelors in political science and masters in public administration (with two certificates in nonprofit management and genocide/mass atrocity prevention) from SUNY Binghamton (Binghamton University), both with a 4.0.
I have not taken the GRE yet (so no scores rn), but am taking the summer to study. I feel like my letters of recommendation will be pretty good as well and feel strong about my writing sample. I have no official research or publications, but am working on the latter.
So far my professors have recommended schools like the Ivys, MIT, NYU, SUNY Stony Brook, etc..
What programs do you all recommend and do you think I can get into them?
Thank you in advance

Hello everyone I will be finishing my undergrad next spring (2025) and am starting to pretty seriously consider getting my masters and have been doing some research on schools but I feel like I’m a little behind the pack. Next semester I am joining a research project but other than that I have no research experience and I have not been great at developing solid relationships with professors (this is 100% my fault) so I feel like my letters of rec may be lacking. I’m feeling a little frustrated with myself for deciding this is something I’m interested so late and feel that I don’t have any real chance to get in somewhere given that I’m barely starting to address these issues with the applications being due within the next 12 months. Am I screwed?

So for some context, my mom is currently under a lot of stress. She is going through a divorce, fixing up her house, her job as a nurse has her with little to no free time. She casually let me know about a month ago that she wants me out and she is replacing me with my little sister. I have court papers saying my little sister cant live with me until she is 18, but I have changed and I believe that mess has been taken care of within the family.
Currently I have about $1k, car, and 2 of my friends are willing to take me in. I have been putting in job applications like a madman and i have been on probably 5 interviews within the past few weeks to no avail. How can I navigate this situation the best? I can afford the rent but in order to be stable I would need a job. My only other options are military, see if I can pull some strings and get into a trade school, and if all else fails then i have a fresh start button by moving states and living with my blood sister.
I will answer any questions and provide details on anything related to the situation.

Hi all, appreciate any pointers from folks who have made expedite requests or are otherwise knowledgeable. I have been offered a resident physician position at a county hospital which starts in roughly 30 days. Residency start dates are difficult, if not impossible, to postpone since they are organized to academic years and hospitals cannot reschedule external rotations. So I requested an expedite on 05/04 for my EAD application, which is based off my I-485 AOS and filed exactly 30 days ago.
Today I got a call, and the USCIS agent told me that I am not eligible for the healthcare worker expedite since the application has not been pending 90 days -- okay fine, the website does mention the 90 days. Then I told that I would also be eligible based on the (1) emergency/humanitarian and (2) government interest criteria. The reason is that (1) The hospital is located in a federally designated medically underserved area; (2) the hospital is a part of the county, which would fall under a local government. Then the agent again told me that those criteria can also only be activated after 90 days -- this I think is a fake reason because the USCIS expedite policy guidance mentions nothing about a 90 day wait period for any of the 5 primary criteria. Anyway, they told me I do not qualify and basically pushed me off the phone, before telling me to call again if the situation changes.
My question is: how long should I wait to re-initiate contact for another expedite request? I have a letter from the county that clearly explains the above criteria. So I am sure if I am able to send over the supporting documents, my request would get approved. Any other guidance is also much appreciated!
Other things I have tried: Contacted the two senators and congressperson -- still waiting for follow-up.
Thanks for any input!

So for some context, my mom is currently under a lot of stress. She is going through a divorce, fixing up her house, her job as a nurse has her with little to no free time. She casually let me know about a month ago that she wants me out and she is replacing me with my little sister. I have court papers saying my little sister cant live with me until she is 18, but I have changed and I believe that mess has been taken care of within the family.
Currently I have about $1k, car, and 2 of my friends are willing to take me in. I have been putting in job applications like a madman and i have been on probably 5 interviews within the past few weeks to no avail. How can I navigate this situation the best? I can afford the rent but in order to be stable I would need a job. My only other options are military, see if I can pull some strings and get into a trade school, and if all else fails then i have a fresh start button by moving states and living with my blood sister.
I will answer any questions and provide details on anything related to the situation.

Hello! I’m will be entering my final year of my BA degree in Political Science and International Relations in the fall. I’m not too familiar with the application process for grad schools and I’m trying to gage what schools are within my reach. I currently have a 3.7 GPA and will probably finish with it around the same or possibly a bit higher. I’m really not involved with any on campus activities or anything like that as I’ve had to work my way through college. My only internship was last summer with my local state rep who has expressed the desire to put in a good word for me or write a letter of recommendation for anything I may need. My eventual goal is to become a U.S. Foreign Service Officer but I’d like to work a couple of years in federal government while studying for the FSOT and getting some experience under my belt. I’d really love to attend Georgetown or American for my MA in International Relations but I really have no clue if these schools are within my reach. If anyone has any experience with this and knows if my goals seem attainable or have any other programs to check out that would be great. Thanks!

How It Ended
by Ethan O’Driscoll
A thrilling Post apocalypse story
Intro
HRV-1
22 July 2024
Dr Olivia Warren Head of Biotech NARU
This is my latest report on the HRV-1 Virus we were instructed to design by the Russian Government.
The HRV-1 is an incredibly viral and infectious Retrovirus similar to HIV. Changes have been make on a genetic level to provide the request modes of transmission and symptoms.
Those symptoms are:

• Profuse bleeding from the mouth, eyes, lips, gums and pores of the skin
• Confusion
• Coma
• Total organ failure leading to death
• Reanimation after death and post-mortem hypo-aggression

This all included in a highly infectious package
The infection vectors are:

• bodily fluids
• contaminated area
• ANYTHING that has come in contact with infected bodily fluids
• airborne droplets

This is by far the most dangerous diseases we’ve ever designed. I pray to god the Russians only want it as a means of deterrent because if they use it I have no doubt it will end the world. The first sample should be ready to ship next week.
Chapter 1
The Outbreak
1 January 2025
Dr Olivia Warren Head of Biotech NARU
I can’t believe the bastards used it. The first cases came in from Kiev in December from there it spread like a wild fire through Europe the death toll now sits at 65 millions. The hordes rampage through city after city by the millions. There is no way to stop this. What have I done.
NATO forces have established a quarantine of Europe but I can’t help but feel like its too little too late. My estimate is that all infected nations in Europe will be consumed within the next month or two. The Corporation has started the construction of a company safe haven for us higher ups. All we can do is hope the construction is complete before this thing breaks quarantine.
15 February 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
The world is ending. Europe is gone. The quarantine is broken. We’ve got cases in Asia, South America, Here at home in the US, Australia and Africa nowhere is safe. I did this.
Infection number right now:

• Africa 100 Million
• Europe 890 Million
• Asia 250 Million
• North America 250 Thousand
• South America 120 Million
• Australia 24 Million

There is no hope
The safe zone is complete at least we are planning on moving all operations and personal within the week. I don’t know how I’m going to live with myself. Dixie is my only saving grace and at least she’ll be safe. I pray for the soul of all those my creation has killed.
20 March 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
Dixie is at the Safe zone.
I can’t live with myself any more. 4 billion people dead
Chapter 2
A New World
My name is Dixie Warren. Daughter of Dr Olivia Warren. Not that I’ve seen her in 15 years. I remember like it was yesterday. She told me to get on that NARU helicopter that she’d meet me at the safe zone. Those were the last words she ever said to me. I was 8 when the world ended.
Its been 15 years since the Outbreak. There isn’t really anything left of the old world. NARU still exists and turns out they created the virus and my mom was the head of the department that did it. They sold it to the Russians hoping they wouldn’t use it but they did.
It was specifically designed to spread and destroy as fast as possible and it did. I left the safe zone 2 years ago after I learned this information. Now I just spend my time wandering from town to town. My training on the NARU security team helps. At least I know all the best places to shoot a Freaker. That's what we call the infected and for good reason. Most of the time you’ll find them wondering around in groups of 5 to 10 if the group gets too big they turn on each other and form a pile of bodies devouring each other. They moan and scream to communicate and once they see you they will hunt you till you kill every last on of them or you get far enough away. They can run and are abnormally strong if there bodies aren’t damaged they’re a bitch to kill but I’m pretty good at it.
Right now I’m outside Richmond I’ve been stuck here for a week waiting for a large horde to move through. I’m hoping to hunt some of the stragglers and re-up on some supplies. A big horde like this usually leave a few hundred behind. My new AR has been waiting for some fun, I’ve got a new red dot and laser so I should be able to pop headshot after headshot but for now I should go find something to eat.
I’ve made it to a small department store outside the town. It looks like the horde is almost gone. Tons of freaks roaming around though. I can hear a few in the store. I’m going to try getting in through the back and take them out.
Made it back home and wow that store was a gold mine. I got food, water, bullets and even some whiskey. I’m going to enjoy the night then its time to hunt some stragglers. Then I’m thinking of going further south maybe New Orleans heard there might be a small settlement out there from another traveller, might be able to get another courier job or at least I’ll be able to stock up on supplies properly after all these years there isn’t much left in the cities to scavenge.
I better get some rest got a long day of freak killing and walking tomorrow.
Chapter 3
The Road to Home
I left Richmond yesterday. It’s a long road to New Orleans I wished I lived in the days when cars worked. NARU are the only people with working vehicles left and they aren’t exactly the sharing type. Its so lonely out here its been weeks since I last saw another living person the only things you see out here in the ruins are freaks by the hundreds. Its hard to believe the whole world was reduced to nothing by something my mom created. I remember her being the kindest most caring person in the world to think that she could create something so destructive is unbelievable. I’ve still got a long way to go the first city I should have to go through is Raleigh.
I’ve been walking for about a day and I can see the ruins from here. Its always so surreal to see the cities now, so desolate so empty. I remember growing up in Seattle, the city lights, the noise it was always so alive and busy. Now they’re all empty husks or mostly empty at least can’t forget about the freaks. Must’ve killed a thousand of them on my way here almost got bitten when one jumped me under an overpass about 10 miles back. Luckily my machete seems to be as good as ever at cutting up freaks. I should make it to Raleigh within the day.
Made it to Raleigh and its a mess, thousands of freaks I could hear the moaning and screaming from a mile away. I’m going to try finding my way around the city no point in trying to fight my way through a wall of freaks.
Heard crying coming from a house I walked past I decided to check it out and I found a young boy name Richie hiding in a bathroom with what looked like his infected parents trying to break the door down. I took both of them down with a clean headshot. The look on his face when he saw them dead breaks my heart. He says they’ve been hiding out in this house for a month or two after there homestead was overrun by freaks. Its a sad story but it gives me hope that people are at least trying to survive and rebuilt. He’s only 16 yet he’s seen so much and has nowhere else to go so I asked him if he wanted to stick with me and he was elated so I guess I’ve got a sidekick now. I’m not complaining should make the long lonely road more interesting. He’s got no combat experience but he can shoot a pistol so I gave him one of my backups at least I always carry extra. We’ve decided to hunker down for the night and do some scavenging before we leave for Charlotte tomorrow. I’ll be nice to have company for once I’ve been alone for so long.
I woke up to a gunshot and Richie screaming in the other room. When I got there I found Richie pale as snow and a little girl that was clearly infected shot lying on the floor. When I asked Richie who it was he replied in a cold distant voice “My little sister”. It was a heart breaking moment in less than 24 hours Richie had lost everyone. That was a feeling I knew too well my mom was all I had my dad died when I was really young and all I knew after the Outbreak before I left the safe haven was NARU but that wasn’t the best place to build personal connections just a bunch of science types that destroyed the world. Not exactly the most social lot and the security forces were just a bunch of military types that didn’t like the fact that as a teenager I was doing better than them in every metric except raw physical strength but even in that I was better than a lot of them. It’s almost time for us to get going I should pack up and make sure Richie’s okay.
We decided to stop by the old gun store on our way out of Raleigh. Richie mentioned seeing it when him and his dad went out to scavenge one time. He says it looked all locked up meaning there’s a good chance that there might still be something left to take. When we arrived there Richie was right it was locked tight it looked like there might be a way in from the roof so we decided to climb up when I got up there I was jumped by a freak that was just waiting but this one was different smarter in a way it heard me climbing up but instead of screaming and jumping off to get me it decided to hide and wait. In my years of freak killing I’ve never seen one that waits and ambushes. I hope this isn’t a sign that the infected are getting smarter. Anyway Richie popped it in the head and we got in to the gun store and what a find it was. I managed to get a brand new Glock 9 with a torch attachment and extended mag to replace the pistol I gave Richie. Speaking of Richie he decided on a 12 gauge pump with a tube extension and a AR-15 with a suppressor, extended mag and front grip. We also found enough ammo to keep us stocked even if we have to shoot our way to Charlotte now that we’re locked and loaded its time to leave this shit hole and start walking to the next shit hole at least for once I won’t be alone.
Chapter 4
The Road to Charlotte
We’d been walking for 60 miles before we were jumped by a gang of thugs. I caught a round to the leg before I knew what was happening Richie was more awake than me and managed to put a round through the bastards chest before his friends jumped out from behind two cars in front of us we managed to take cover behind a ruined car and we returned fire. I could see the thugs had no skill they just fired randomly in our direction while we were in cover I waited till they had to reload and tossed a molotov at one of them burning the bastard to a crisp. Richie rushed the other and unloaded some buckshot into his head. My leg hurts like a bitch. Richie bandaged it up for me he’s really starting to get used to life on the road. Looking at our map it looks like there is a gas station about 10 miles away so I guess I’ll limp my way there so we can hunker down while me leg heals. I still can’t believe I let the bastard catch me lacking but it won’t happen again
We made it too the gas station. The place looks almost perfectly preserved except the group of freaks that were shuffling around outside nothing that we couldn’t deal with. There is a lot of food and water here and we should be safe here while my leg heals. I hope we don’t run into any more problems till then. I trust Richie but he’s still learning and I’m not sure he’d be able to deal with any major problem on his own.
Its been 4 weeks since I took that shot to my leg and I’m feeling a lot better. Richie managed to find some painkiller so he was able to get the round out and everything healed nicely. He really is an amazing guy young and naive but he really is a good person. I don’t know how I did it without him for so long. It nice not being alone any more. I think I’m ready to get moving again we have about another 100 miles left to go before we get to Charlotte so we better get moving.
We’re about 20 miles from Charlotte, the roads been peaceful we ran into a group of survivors living on a pretty well fortified farm about 25 miles back. They were having issues with some freaks hanging around their water pumping station so we dealt with them for them in exchange for some antibiotics to help with an infection Richie got in his leg where he cut himself jumping a fence while a freak chased him before I could dome it. Only god knows how I didn’t get an infection in my leg after getting shot but he did from cutting himself on a rusty fence guess I’m just lucky. After helping them back we continued on our way. Nothing else interesting happened and Richie is looking a lot better and his cut is basically healed. We should get to Charlotte within the day but I want to stop on a hill on the Outskirts to set up base and get a look at the situation in the city because the farmers mentioned that a horde had passed through recently and they usually get held up in cities they should have moved on by now but better safe than sorry
Chapter 5
Charlotte
We made it to the hill outside Charlotte and the place is infested millions of freaks. I’ve never seen so many of them in one place and I think I know why. In the middle of the city is an old NARU emergency treatment centre. A place where all of the cities first infected were sent. A good plan till there were to many of them and quarantine was broken then all it was was a collection of infected right in the middle of the city which lead to the whole thing being infected much faster. I’m guessing this caused most of the freaks to pile and the smell was attracting more. Oh I forgot to mention the smell imagine a pile of thousands of rotting corpses that’s the smell I’m talking about. There’s no chance we’ll be able to get through the city but I need to get to that NARU site. There might be some old documents or something about my mom I need to find out what happened to her. I’ve spoken to Richie and we both agree that we should try and divert the horde away so we can have time to get to the NARU centre.
Richie has volunteered to draw the hordes attention away while I get to the NARU building. The plan is he triggers an explosion at an old gas station on the other side of town while I get to the building and look for information about the virus and what happened to my mom. All I know is that my mom created the virus while working for NARU. I need to find out what happened to her. I hate putting Richie at risk but it needs to be done.
I just heard the explosion and it works thousands of freaks started moving like a tidal wave of flesh towards the sound I hope Richie is on his way to the meeting place at the abandoned NARU checkpoint on the south side of town but I don’t have time to think about it now I’m almost at the NARU centre I need to be as fast as possible
I made it to the NARU centre and it’s covered in bodies there’s no way I can get in it looks more like a pile of living human corpses than a building I’m guessing the freaks all turned on and consumed each other till they were all stuck and fused together. I’m making my way to the NARU checkpoint I hope Richie is already there and safe.
I made it to the NARU checkpoint and reunited with Richie. He was covered in blood and gore. He had to kill hundreds of freaks to make it here. He says he was almost bitten a few times. I can’t believe I risked his life for nothing. I’ll never do it again. While exploring the place I found this.
20 March 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
Dixie is at the Safe zone.
I can’t live with myself any more. 4 billion people dead
The final communication between my mom and NARU it turns out she couldn’t live with the guilt and decided to kill herself. I can’t blame her I would probably do the same if I was the reason the world ended and killed billions of people but it still breaks my heart. I am happy to know she’s dead and not infected lumbering around somewhere.
Richie is exhausted and so am I were going to take a brake here and continue on to Atlanta tomorrow.
Everything is packed up and we’re ready to go. Last night was rough I kept watch while Richie slept I hate to admit it but I think I’m falling in love with him. I never really had a first love I live for 13 years at NARU but I was the oldest kid there by far by the time any of the boys were close to my age I was already jaded and thinking about leaving so I didn’t pay any attention to them but Richie is different when I found him he was so helpless and lost now he’s strong, confident and he’s so loyal to me. I don’t want to speak to soon by I think he might feel the same way I guess time will tell we still have a long road to walk together. Speaking of walking Atlanta here we come.
Chapter 6
Road to Atlanta
We ran into a group of survivors hiding in a shed on the outskirts of Charlotte on our way home two parents and a little girl they were all bitten and waiting to turn they begged us to put them down before they turned so I did but I think it took a toll on Richie. He’s been almost silent since it must’ve reminded him of his parents and little sister I hope the day never comes that one of us get bitten and the other one has to decide whether or not to do it but if it does I hope Richie has what it takes to put me down if not I hope I get to do it myself before I turn but I shouldn’t be thinking about things like that. Thinking about your own death is a pretty sure-fire way to make it happen.
We ran into a pretty large group of infected must’ve been about 20 of them but all of them behaved the same as the one that jumped me on the roof of the gun store back in Raleigh. I guess that confirms that it wasn’t a once off thing but I still wonder what causes it maybe I’ll find out one day. We took them all down and continued on I hate to admit it but I really enjoy killing freaks call it therapy I guess. Richie is running low on ammo for his 12 gauge. There should be a gun store in about 30 miles so we should be able to restock there. My ammo supplies are also running a bit low only got about a hundred rounds per gun left. I know that sounds like a lot but with all the freaks on the roads it barely enough after Raleigh I had about a 500 per gun. Lets hope we don’t run into any large hordes till we get to the gun store.
We made it to the gun store just to find it controlled by 2 less than friendly guys. They opened fire as soon as they same us. We returned fire and we’re about to enter the store. Richie kicked the door down and I rushed in I let of two shots taking down the one guy the other was a second away from filling me with bullets from his Uzi but luckily Richie put a round through his chest and another through his right eye before he could. Thank god. I don’t know what I would do without him. We’ve decided to rest tonight and continue tomorrow morning.
Dixie: “Hey Richie”
Richie: “Hey Dixie”
Dixie: ”How you feeling buddy”
Richie: ”Oh you know always OK”
Dixie: ”That’s good buddy”
Richie: “Hey Dixie thank you for everything you really are the best thing that ever happened to me”
Dixie: ”Don’t mention it buddy I love you”
We’re almost 20 miles away from Atlanta and I’m not hopeful judging by smell. I’m guessing its going to be a lot worse than Charlotte but we’ll have to wait and see.
We’ve made it to the outskirts of Atlanta and its as bad as I thought there are hundreds of body piles almost the size of buildings. The living freaks move around the city streets like blood through the veins of the body. Some of them are engaged in massive fights with other groups ripping each other apart.
We’re going in tomorrow but for now Richie’s hunting while I scope out the area. I hope he brings some venison anything but rabbit. I’m sick of rabbit meat. When he comes back I want to try and cuddle up to him and see what happens
Richie and I have eaten and we’re getting ready to sleep. I asked Richie if I could sleep in his sleeping bag with him. He looked at me like I was crazy but once I insisted I was serious I could see the joy on his face so we cuddled up for the night and went to sleep
Wow it felt so amazing sleeping in Richie’s arms and today everything feels different but in a good way everything just feels more intimate we had an amazing conversation about life this morning and it feels like our bond is on a whole new level. Its time to go explore Atlanta there should be an old NARU field hospital on the North-side of town but we’ve got a whole city to get through before that.
Chapter 7
Atlanta
Atlanta is a nightmare right now we’re stuck in a pharmacy bunch of freaks trying to get to us. I’m busy wiring up a pipe bomb while Richie holds the door then when I’m done BOOM
Richie Move....
BOOM....
Well that’s one way to deal with freaks. Always hate being covered in gore though. We’re near the city centre now and its as bad as we thought the place is infested with freaks every building, street and alley we’ve been fighting for every mile we’ve been moving basically carving our way through the city leaving streets flooded in blood but its worth it I can see the NARU hospital and it looks like I might be able to get in this time.
We’re Exploring the NARU hospital and its a goldmine I found a bunch of old documentation on the virus and even some reports of small towns keeping quarantine for years after the Fall. There’s also apparently an old supply and weapons depot nearby so were going there next.
Richie has been opening up a lot his little sister was out playing when a freak got her. Her parents couldn’t put her down so she turned and bit them he hid in the bathroom for 2 days before I got there and put then out of the misery. I wish I could understand how he feels because I never had anyone except my mom and I lost her so young so it never really affected me. I love him so much. This would be so difficult without him.
We made it to the NARU supply depot and it basically empty I mean it make sense Atlanta was one of the first city to fall due to vast number of infected that moved in from the nearby NARU detention camp. That was a bright idea locking up a bunch infected in one place and expecting the place to last. So the city fell to chaos pretty quickly and NARU withdrew most likely taking everything with them that or it was looted after the city fell doesn’t matter now its almost night and we should get some rest we’re going to camp on a nearby rooftop.
Sitting on the roof with Richie and a fire I can’t help but feel like life isn’t that bad yeah its not what it used to be but I mean I have food and freedom and someone I love what more could someone want from life. Looking out at the desolate streets full of freaks well except the streets we pushed through I see the death of the old world and the birth of a new one.
I should get to sleep we got a long road to Birmingham tomorrow. Its so warm and cosy pressed up against Richie.
Chapter 8
The Road To Birmingham
On our way out of Atlanta we ran into a huge freak and I mean a huge motherfucker must’ve been at least 10 feet tall and covered in muscle it looked like it was made of at least 5 other freaks. He tossed Richie against a car and knocked him out I managed to chop one of its arms off before it threw me 10 feat in the air and I crashed down on my back and passed out when I woke up Richie was putting round after round in the things chest and it still wouldn’t go down to I ran jumped on its back and used my machete to chop the freaks head off and burnt the body with a molotov just to be sure the thing was dead
Richie was pretty beat up and I’m not going to lie so was I my back hurts like a bitch but we keep on going no matter what because we still have each other. Still I wonder how those freaks got combined into that thing. Maybe that’s why they pile the way they do so they can combine into something bigger I remember something in one of the NARU document mentioning the virus being able to cause “cellular recombination” so I wonder if that’s not maybe what happened and if it is it means things are about to get a lot worse and a lot more dangerous.
We’re about 50 miles always from Birmingham now. The road has been pretty quite only the occasional group of freaks and the group of raiders we ran into outside a gas station awhile back but this time we got the drop on them and not the other way round gave all three of them a new hole in the head Richie was worried that they might be survivors till we found Sandra tied up in the gas station bathroom turns out the bastards grabbed her from her family farm during the night a few days ago and have been taking turns on her over and over since then. We agreed to take her home its the least we could do after everything that happened to her. When we got her home we found the place burnt down and her family butchered outside. I’m guessing after they grabbed her the bastards came back to finish the job. She’s decided to stick with us she’s a lot older than me and Richie. She used to be a nurse before the Outbreak she dealt with some of the first infected until NARU took over the hospitals. When things really started to go bad she moved back to Alabama to her old family farm to live with her parents they managed to set everything up before the Fall and have been living there since well till recently. She’s pretty shook about the whole situation but she should be okay in a day or two. We’ve all lost something in this new world.
We’ve made it to the outskirts of Birmingham and the place is a fortress looks like remnants of the US military and NARU have fortified the place they have watch towers, auto-turrents and armed patrols. Also looks like they have a lot of military hardware. I know better than to approach the main gate NARU has a shoot on site order for all there quarantine zones no reason to assume this place would be any different. Still I have to get a look inside. Tonight while Richie and Sandra set up camp I’m going to look around and see if I can find a way in. I have to know what’s going on here.
I’ve taken a look around and I’ve found a way in through an old sewer pipe running into an old factory from there I should be able to sneak into the city and have a look around maybe they have some new information on the virus or at least I should be able to find some weapons for Sandra
Chapter 9
Birmingham
Richie and Sandra are waiting for me back at camp while I go explore the city. I left most of my kit behind except my Glock and combat knife. I’m not planning on getting into any fights and if I do I want the finished as quickly as possible. I’ve made it to the sewer pipe it should lead me to the sewer grate I saw on the other side of the fence from there I should have free reign over the city as long as I avoid the NARU patrols and don’t draw to much attention to myself.
I’ve made it into the city and it looks like something out of a George Orwell novel. Security cameras on every street, I’ve seen security forces beat a man to death and another group drag a young women kicking and screaming into an abandoned building. I hate to say it but I think life is better outside with the freaks than in here. Can’t say I’m surprised there’s a reason I left the NARU security forces and the safe zone. Lets just say civilian life and happiness has never been on their priority list. I can see a NARU supply depot I should be able to get a uniform and standard load out last I remember NARU doesn’t have a way of removing employees from the database so my security id number should still work.
I was right NARU never changes I just used my id to get a brand new NARU-P-2a NARU's home grown assault rifle basically its everything the AR-15 is but better its literally a gun made for killing freaks and you can feel it. I always wished I stole one when I left but I guess better late than never I also scanned through a few of the latest security reports and it seems like big guys like we fought back in Atlanta are becoming more common as well as a new faster infected with razor sharp claws that hunt and ambush their victims. We haven’t ran into one of those yet and I hope we don’t any time soon. I hope Richie and Sandra are okay, they should be we have no shortage of fire-power but I still worry. I’m going to keep taking a look around and maybe find out how they’ve maintained quarantine for so long
Well I got my answer and its not a good one. The NARU higher ups here basically outlawed being sick. Anyone with any symptoms that might be HRV-1 are immediately executed and burnt without exception I guess that’s one way to maintain quarantine but I can’t help but wonder how many thousands of innocent people have died to maintain it.
I think its about time I get out of here and back to Richie and Sandra.
I made it back to camp. I’m so happy to be back with Richie. He went out hunting and brought back a nice fat wild pig for dinner. Sandra is looking a lot better as well she still has that distant look in her eye but that should go away soon
Next stop Montgomery Alabama.
Chapter 10
The Road to Montgomery
I still can’t get it out of my head. The freaks are changing getting more dangerous, if I understand correctly the longer they are infected the more unstable the virus gets leading to mutations. I hope this doesn’t mean that the longer we survive the harder its going to get but there’s no point in worrying about whether or not the freaks are going to be stronger in the future as long as we make sure we get stronger too it should work out just fine. Richie and I are doing really well our love kinda makes everything a lot easier. Gives us a reason if that makes sense Sandra on the other hand is kinda dead weight if I’m being honest but its not her fault. She’s been through a lot Richie and I do our best to look out for her and take care of her. I just wish she’d start to adjust to life out here she still winches every time we take out a group of freaks or thugs and she’s a bleeding heart. Yesterday as we were going past a little abandoned convenience store we heard a little girl crying when we asked what was wrong she said they were trapped and needed help. It was obviously a trap we could see the store was fortified and the little girl looked too happy for a kid whose parents were stuck and dying but Sandra insisted we go in and help and what do you know the kids parents are perfectly healthy and holding us at gun point luckily I’m pretty quick on the draw and managed to put two rounds through the fathers chest and Richie tackled the mom. I walked up to the big dude and put one through the head to make sure the mom learns her lesson. We agreed to let her and her daughter live as long as the promised to stop robbing travellers. Sandra couldn’t handle the fact that I finished the dad off even though I think that was better than leaving his family to watch him bleed out because there was no way he would have survive I shot him through both of his lungs they would have filled up with blood and he would have chocked to death I did him a favour by putting him down but she didn’t see it that way even threatened to go it on her own until Richie and I told her to go ahead if she really thought it was the best thing for her. She then decided to stick with us
We’re nearly at the outskirts of Montgomery, we just passed the old civil rights monument. The roads been a bit too still I have a bad feeling about what we’re going to find when we get there

I am a rising senior with great extracurricular activities, sat score, gpa, and awards. I am going to apply to an Ivy League as I have a unique internship there currently. My school doesn’t offer AP’s and I didn’t realize I could self study for the tests. I’ve completed my schools offered classes and will be duel enrolling in nearby college next year. Will not having AP scores negatively impact my application even if I have a letter of recommendation (written by the head of the school) stating that I am basically valedictorian of the small school I attend? Also, will me taking 8 community college classes next year make up for the lack of AP’s self studied or am I just cooked?

I'm in core lab at a large hospital in St. Louis. Everyday is the same. We're short staffed. The machines are down. The LIS is on the fritz. I'm just loading and unloading samples and making critical calls to nurses who hangup and make me redial. I'm bored of it. Micro is sent out. And blood bank sounds like a pointless stressfest. I feel like a robot most days. My husband said I'm starting to get snappy and I just seem unhappy. I hate how robotic the job is.

As a first-year college student enrolled in an engineering program, I find the coursework challenging, but I remain dedicated to my studies. I'm aware that before entering the second year, there will be an exam, and failing it could necessitate a change in my course of study, even as a regular student. Nursing is my backup plan, and I'm currently searching for schools in my area that accept transfer students from engineering programs. Unfortunately, my application to one preferred school was unsuccessful as they don't admit transfer students from engineering. Despite the difficulty of transitioning from engineering to nursing, it's my dream course, and I'm determined to pursue it if I don't pass the exam. What steps should I take next to ensure a smooth transition if needed?

TL;DR: ^{Struggled with social interactions, obsessive tendencies, and learning difficulties throughout life. Diagnosed with multiple conditions including Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 2 and anxiety disorders. Unemployed since 2019, unable to find accommodating work due to conditions. Considering applying for disability benefits but unsure of eligibility. Feeling lost and overwhelmed.}
My whole life I've had a hard time relating with people, connecting with people, making eye contact, enjoying the same things as others. I always tended to obsess on something for example if I took a part-time job I would burn myself out because I couldn't help but focus on work after work. To the point I'd break rules to login to resources and do research off the clock, resulting in me being fired.
When I was a child I would be more excited about the box the gift came in that I could hide in from everyone, instead of the gift itself. I didn't ever like parties with lots of kids, I would tend to hide until the party was over and call my mom until she came and picked me up. I couldn't handle kids tapping pencils in the class so my teacher would put me in the hallway, this to me was a treat not a punishment. I don't like making eye contact it feels really weird and I'm not good at it. When I practiced it someone said I creeped them out because I would just stare straight into their eyes without breaking contact like normal so I just avoid it altogether.
Anyhow a lot of these issues I adapted to pretty decently until I turned 30 and realized the stuff wasn't improving even with a few years of weekly therapy sessions with 2 different psychotherapists. Always struggled with panic attacks and chronic anxiety. I also have never been able to learn math equasions for example x = y type stuff. My brain goes "Why is a letter in math" and I used to read and write backwards.
I recently got engaged and my FIance after spending 8 months with me said she thinks somethings off, "No offense". None taken.. Anyways.. I saw a top psychologist in my state and spent a few hours on a few different occasions with them. Took some tests and they told me I have:

• Schizotypal Personality Disorder
• Mathematics Learning Disability
• Post Concussion Syndrome (Severe TBI in a motor vehicle accident 2013)
• Panic Disorder
• Generalized Anxiety Disorder
• Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 2

I know it's a laundry list. I have been unemployed since 2019 I only am able to work side jobs anymore. I just have constant panic attacks that have been unmanaged with medications and psychotherapy so I actually quit going to therapy and seeing a shrink. Therefor I only have 12 work credits on my record which I've read some of those fall off every 5 years.
I'm just wondering, do I even have a chance in hell at applying for SSI/SSDI or any type of assistance or am I going to have to try and find a job that will accomodate me or something? I have yet to find one of those by the way. I am very forthcoming with my conditions and typically this results in no hire. I have applied for over 100 jobs since 2019. I've heard back from a dozen or so, and the rest just likely throw my application in the trash.
I don't understand anything about disability or social security and my mom has told me I need to try and apply for benefits. Is it worth my time at all having only 12 work credits? Am I even eligible for SSI or SSDI? I don't know what to do anymore I'm feeling kinda depressed now because I have lived my whole life in a lie it feels like. I have had to always do things that "normal" people do and it has ground me into the dirt. I was very lucky to meet my fiancee online and we ended up talking for a few months before meeting in person. SHe loves me to death, I love her very much too although it took me a long time to learn what I was actually feeling and learn how to commit myself and be a good Fiance.
I just don't know anymore what to do, where to turn, who to ask.. Thank you.
p.s My mother never took me to a doctor even though family and friends of hers always told her something was wrong with me and that she needed to. My aunt used to tell her I had asperger's or something. She was afraid they'd medicate me. I kinda got screwed in that sense now that I am learning more about this process..

Conspiracy theories involving “elite” pedophile rings have recently been dominating social media in a disorienting frenzy. They have been around for some time but in this century rose back to popularity during the 2016 Election cycle. This crop, at least, took root with what became known as “Pizzagate.” Promoters of that conspiracy theory in 2016 used social media platforms to make unfounded but viral allegations that Hillary Clinton and other prominent Democrats were running a pedophile ring out of the basement of a pizzeria even though that restaurant had no basement, or any ties to known politicians other than the typical flesh pressing (Phrasing I know) moments fit for a picture hung on the wall. Since then, the dark theme of Pizzagate has found new life with permutations forming part of the #Qanon conspiracy theory, incorporated under the umbrella term “pedogate.” The gist of the #pedogate conspiracy theory is that global elites (politicians, celebrities, and wealthy businesspersons) are covertly involved in a far-reaching ring that uses young children for sexual purposes. “What most of these conspiracy theories involve in one way or another is laying accusations of pedophilia or involvement in pedophile rings at the feet of people that they despise or hate, and during the 16’ election cycle, Democrats were a wide target for an opposing political movement that had hijacked the rival Republican party. Pizzagate originated with the “alt right” and “alt lite,” far right extremists who range from outright white supremacists to those who publicly shun racists but otherwise fall in step with their belief systems. Pizzagate jumped from the fringes to the mainstream because as it denigrated Hillary Clinton, it sucked in supporters of then-candidate Donald Trump. After the election all mention of pedogate seemed to be put on a simmer while other National outrages boiled over (#Covid #RussiaGate #BLM) and just like clockwork (heading into our next election cycle has been turned back up. The pedogate conspiracy and all associated stories employ a centuries-old tactic: playing on deep-seated human anxieties by conjuring images of imperiled children, the purest and defenseless victim of any manner of injustice. An example in the modern era of weaponized conspiracy was the satanic panic of the 1980s, in which a wave of hysteria over alleged child molestation at daycare centers swept the nation. But while that phenomenon was a moral panic attributable, at least in part, to social anxiety over white middle class women entering the work force en masse for the first time and entrusting their children to others, the current conspiracy theories about pedophile rings equate to similar propaganda. They carry a danger for stirring up violence. If you want to elicit violent action the way to do it is through hate and fear. Once you target and label a population as pedophiles, you can do anything you like to that population with full excuse being given to the myth you’ve wrapped around it. That’s not to say fears of child abuse or sex trafficking are unfounded. There are many as pedophilia has ancient roots and in many cases was encourage by many world cultures and religions a lot later into Civilization than we’d like to admit. The International Labor Organization reports that 25 percent of the world’s 40.3 million victims of human trafficking are children. The most vulnerable, according to the National Human Trafficking Hotline, are migrants, runaways, the homeless, and youngsters who have been victims of violence. Despite their obsession over the topic, conspiracy followers aren’t worked up about those children who are in true harm’s way. In the world of propaganda, it’s never about real children. Instead, it’s about what children represent. The children imperiled by conspiracy theories, in other words, are only metaphors. Children carry a vast amount of weight in any society, but especially modern ones when they’re expected to survive past the age of five. It wasn’t as intense before the 18th century when child mortality rates were really high. They represent the future, and all that is beautiful and decent and honest in a society, because they are innocent. For most people also, the meaning of their existence is rooted in their children. Children are eschatological, they represent death for us, and what is coming behind us after we are gone. They also represent the threat of loss, if they disappear, if they die, that is the death of society. That’s why they became so crucial and central to Cold War propaganda. The real terror of the nuclear holocaust would be the death of the children, because that’s the death of everyone. A recent example of this is in a recent police investigation into conspiracy claims of PizzaGate style accusation of Portland’s Voodoo Doughnuts. Detectives attempted to contact the person accusing Voodoo Doughnuts on social media of running a pedophile ring. The accuser did not cooperate with investigators and it’s been documented in other coverage online that they had become agitated and accused the Police with complicity when tracked down in person, even though they were attempting to investigate. The pendulum of conspiracy theories about systematic child abuse has swung back and forth for centuries. Examples such as blood libel, when Jewish communities were attacked over false allegations of murdering and consuming Christian children in the Middle Ages. In Europe, During the Thirty Years War, entire villages were put to the sword because it was believed they were abusing children of the other religions. One characteristic that helps Pizzagate-style conspiracy theories gain popularity is that they function like a puzzle game and give its audience a large level of involvement through social media. A lot of conspiracy theories are oracular, where the information comes from one source an oracle. Then there are others where there are a few people who promote the notions, almost like gurus or a conspiracy priesthood. But Pizzagate, it’s more of what one would call a participatory conspiracy theory. Participatory conspiracy theories lay out a scenario or situation and then they ask their audience, ‘what more can you find out about this, what more can you add?’ It turns the audience into willing participants, some knowing they are creating a destructive madlib and other (potential real victims) caking on mystical distraction to issues that have been unreported or scars that have not bee properly treated. The thing about participatory conspiracy theories is it can really create a devoted following because it gives people something to do, it makes them feel they can solve the whole thing or uncover new aspects to it. Once you get that energy going it’s almost self-sustaining. Followers of the Qanon conspiracy theory, call themselves “bakers” because their protagonist “Q” pops up on Internet message boards and leaves “crumbs” (i.e., clues), and they are tasked with picking up the crumbs in order to solve the puzzle. (“Q” is supposed to reference the character’s government security clearance level).
#Q followers believe an even more incoherent version of Pizzagate. This is largely a right-wing fantasy that originated in a series of incoherent posts on #4chan in 2017 by someone calling themselves #QAnon. Following on the heels of similar idiocy such as Pizzagate, it advances a fantastic web of deceit that wraps up Trumpism, deep state fearmongering, evil, satanic pedophilia rings controlled by the Democratic Party, investigations into Russian meddling in the 2016 US election, the Las Vegas shooting, and New World Order paranoia into a package easily and wholeheartedly promoted by internet cesspools and far-right personalities such as Alex Jones. The premise is that President Trump is secretly working to take down a global ring of elite, cannibalistic, satanic pedophiles. And the investigation into Russian meddling into the 2016 election, led by former FBI director Robert Mueller, is actually an investigation into the so-called “deep state”, where a cabal of evil, globalists, including Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, are responsible for everything from a global pedophile ring to the mass shooting in Las Vegas in 2017. According to the enlightened, when Trump awkwardly took a drink from a bottle of Fiji water at a press conference in November 2017, it wasn’t because he was thirsty; it was actually a secret signal to those in the know that the annihilation of deep state pedophiles had begun (or was about to begin). Because as everyone knows, Fiji is a hot spot for child trafficking. ( I could go on and on with this poorly thought-out shit, I will spare you ) The role the Internet and social media play in helping to spread such insanity can’t be underestimated. Just a few decades earlier, conspiracy theorists would identify each other using letters to the editor printed in newspapers and magazines. It was a lot harder to identify your fellow conspiracy theorists. You would have to physically meet to swap your stories or send letters or call. They would set up these groups that would communicate by newsletter. They would meet in a physical space, like someone’s living room. I personally witnessed people from my childhood, dutifully photocopying newsletters they had received in the mail to give to others (Primarily at my #JW congregation, how ironic). Now obviously it can go much more quickly, because you can identity people immediately. You can quickly share ideas and the data you’ve collected. The Internet allows such people to exist in bubbles where they rarely have their beliefs challenged. The extraordinarily polarized society we’re in right now has made people less willing to seek out other view points. Because of the internet you have less chance of doing this. There’s very little incentive to look outside one’s own bubble once they have become invested in a conspiracy theory. Once you start to act out on those behaviors you are forced to double down by repeating the act to prove it was a just act. Eventually you get caught up in a movement that totally defines your conscious and you can’t get out of it. The second you step out of that world view your actions go back to being reprehensible. Now the question becomes, “What’s the harm? If it sheds light on child abuse, then isn’t it still productive?” The answer in this case is a resounding NO. In my opinion and PAINFUL experience, the root cause and sustaining factors of institutionalized child sex abuse are all things that would counter your typical Conspiracy Nut’s world view, thus causing a complete blackout to the problems. The entity taking part in the harming of children on a local and tangible level aren’t some suit and tie wearing global elitist. It’s a guidance counselor, youth pastor, unvetted young substitute teacher, aunt/uncle/cousin/neighbor. It’s anyone who has been given routine private access to a child’s mind and body because of the social conventions that have been protected for generations by our relatives whether they themselves are guilty of abuse or not. In all the Qanon madness I also kept very close tabs on the pending prosecution of the Boy scouts of America and never saw any widely shared memes about their involvement in the abuse syndicate. Why is this? How is this so? Aren’t these people watching the news, seeing the court records and hearing the individual cases being brought against Scout Leaders (SOME OF WHO RAN THEIR OWN NETWORKS!!)? When I would find mention of accusation it was met with the ever scarce “skepticism” because if the media is covering it, it must be a plot to destroy the organization. There are now non-for profit organizations setting up victim funds and protections for people to come out with their stories and somehow THIS is the fake ruse. Some that know me know that I was a Jehovah’s Witness as a youth/teen/young adult. That chapter of my life could fill many chapters and the research on the organization, the real true black and white history of the religion would honestly surprise you. I saw what I now know was abuse, I personally experienced abuse in many forms. The perpetrators involved are either still Witnesses or are dead or have moved “away from the organization”. But one thing that was left intact in each situation was the secret that they prey on children. The parents, these organizations and the collective promise to keep up appearances are directly to blame for the suffering untold thousands, millions of children and broken adults. All for what? Pride and Vanity and a commitment to all involved to protect them from the “mean old world” despite allowing predators to eat their children from within. Being a #JW was a very interesting experience. It provides a very efficient form of insulation from outside society and allows people involved to view the chaos from afar. There is this persistent (albeit false) sense of shared peace that members have. It’s as though for three days a week you go to this meeting where no matter what, everyone has a smile and feels about things EXACTLY how you do. There is no cursing, there are no politics, there surely isn’t any destructive influences that would tarnish your chances of salvation. For a parent this is a refuge when raising a child in a world that is dangerously unpredictable. A Child that you are unable (or unwilling) to teach coping skills to get along by societal standards, A child you want to protect by hiding. This is problem #1. As an adult the congregation presents an avenue for which you can act and behave in a way that allows you to reconcile your past, a way to have less of those nights awake because you think about past wrongs you’ve committed against people. It’s the proverbial band-aid for a guilty, bruised, destroyed conscious of any size. Coming into the organization takes nothing more than the desire to change, publicly declaring your willingness to hand over your life to God (The organization). Bam, You’re in! No credit check, no background check. This is problem #2. A JW is taught that “every facet is an asset” (Ministerial Servants know what I’m talking about). What this means is that every facet of your life is an asset to the organization to spread its word. If the world see’s their product’s application into your life and thereby how much better it is than a normal person’s, then they’ve made an “Effective Witness” to the world. This causes Witnesses of any age to allow almost every facet of their life to be a tool by the organization. For a parent this includes their children. This is problem #3 When you get a culture that insulates itself from the real world, that allows you to enter without any coherent vetting, give access to children whose parents feel obligated to present as a “witness” to the lifestyle. You get a twisted corridor in which victims can get lost for a lifetime and predators can hide in plain sight. For any proponents of the “Save-The-Children” movement to not take a step back and really analyze their local community and lifestyle through these lenses only illustrates that child abuse is being weaponized politically at the expense of others whom you aren’t willing to save because it would look bad for ‘your side’. If you truly care, you wouldn’t be sharing email forwards about what evil unverified unmentionable thing you read some celebrity or politician did. Instead, you’d be drawing back on your experiences as a child. Even if nothing happened directly to you, I’m sure you know some one that had an experience that forever harmed their life. Who did it? Was there a pattern or social condition that allowed for this as was laid out in the JW example? How could it have been avoided? Would you have stopped it if you saw the signs? Are you willing to stop it in the future, knowing what you know now? If you can answer any of those questions with a yes, then you have all you need to WRITE your own material to reach real victims and their families. Does your action cause problems for your ‘side’? It shouldn’t matter and you know that. If it does make a difference to you then you are no better than the shadowy pedophilic cabal that you are so obsessed with.