Texts to send to boyfriend

So I, F24, made the decision at Thanksgiving to go no-contact with my Father, and both sides of my family, maternal and paternal, have been guilt-tripping me non-stop for this decision for months. However, none of them know or understand the circumstances leading up to this decision. (This is long one, but context is important to understand why I no longer with to associate with him)
First, we have to go back to when I was a kid. During my childhood my dad was just a dude who lived in our house and ate all our snacks. He barely interacted with us, save for taking me to the occasional Harry Potter or Marvel movie. He missed my softball games, my volleyball games, my basketball games, my school events such as choir recitals, plays, etc. not because of work (which I would understand) but to instead play Warhammer and paint little figurines for the game. He was also emotionally volatile and abusive. On several occasions he slapped me across the face and numerous times called me "as dumb as a monkey" and even one time called me an "ogre."
Shit ultimately hit the metaphorical fan when I was 16, and I discovered (on my 16th birthday, yeah, literally on the day I turned 16) that my mother was cheating on my father. From there, family life spiraled. At the time, I was very angry with my mother, and while I still disagree with how she handled the situation, she was very much a "married-single-mother." She took care of all the household chores, mowed and watered the lawn, walked and fed the dogs, cooked dinner, coached my softball games, attended me and my brother's events, all on top of being a full-time high-school teacher. I can't blame her for trying to seek emotional connection with someone else when none of her emotional needs were being met by her husband.
Now, after my mother's cheating was revealed, my father went off the rails. Especially when he began to notice I quickly reconciled with my mom, and for obvious reasons, chose to live with her. As she was quite literally, the only parent I had. I still had a relationship with my father, but it become tense. It all boiled over a few months later when on Easter, my brother and I came back from my mom's newly minted apartment a few minutes away, to an empty home with pills all over the counter and floor (I'll let you fill in the blanks of what he did). After I called my mom, she called the nearest hospital and found out my father had been taken there to be treated.
This left me scarred emotionally for months, as a few weeks before when I was staying at my father's house alone, he woke 16-year-old me up in the middle of the night and told me to take all his pills away. I'd told no one about it, and kept it to myself out of pure fear and being a child put in a situation beyond her years. After the event, my father refused to speak about it, refused to acknowledge what his actions had done to me and my brother, and as a result, I emotionally disconnected from him completely.
He sensed this disconnection, and instead of trying to apologize or take responsibility, he attacked the relationship with my mother. He did many things like texting me to tell on her, but the most egregious thing he did was show my naked photos of my own mother - including a photo of her vagina - while telling me she was a dirty whore for sending photos to men. From that point, I refused to go over to his house and stay there alone with him. I never told anyone about what he did (at least not for a few years, until I finally told my mother what he'd done when I was 23). We maintained contact, but from that point on the relationship was tanked in my mind. I was only nice and only attended holidays to maintain appearances, and in hindsight, out of fear of his retaliation.
Well, finally, after moving back home from college (to which even failed to congratulate me) I decided I had enough of the niceties and the pageantries, and no longer wanted to deal with him. Ever since I told him I no longer wanted to speak with him or have contact, he's been speaking to almost every member of our family with a sob story, including my maternal grandmother. With each family member he speaks too, all of them call me or text me telling me to "Give him a chance" or to "be fair to him." Each time I tell them I've made my decision, I've been told I'm being an asshole for holding the past over his head. So here we are.
I guess I just wanted to vent and get this off my chest. If you took the time to read, thank you, I really appreciate it :)

Only third party insurance unfortunately.
The person who did it claimed to not have their drivers licence on them so only gave a name and phone number. Obviously once the exchange was over he never actually answered any text messages and the police won’t help because it’s apparently a “civil matter”.
what do you do when someone hits your car and won’t pay for the damage? No address so we can’t send a letter of demand to him. I see the AHs car all the time in my street and I just think it’s so unfair you can hit someone’s car with absolutely no consequences.

This past weekend, my boyfriend M22 was teaching me F20 how to wash my car carefully as I haven’t been taught how to wash it “properly” to not scratch the paint (he’s very into cars). He explained it to me in steps and emphasised on not getting the washing mit contaminated. I tend to struggle with learning things from listening so I asked if he could repeat the instructions and maybe show me how. When asking him to repeat it he got defensive and was like oh what don’t you understand this is all common sense etc etc being condescending yet again and said he had to go change his oil. I let him know I just needed a visual tutorial on it as I started to get a bit stressed since I didn’t want to mess it up. Anyways, I got no explanation or be shown how to do it, instead he then got annoyed I was taking so long “your car is small it doesn’t take this long to wash it” (I was trying to be careful so he wouldn’t criticise me further) and we got into an argument because I asked him to be more gentle with me and stop being so firm. I’ve had the discussion with him a few times now that he tends to get very firm and critical when he’s trying to teach me soemtjing and his excuse is “oh it’s the most efficient way to teach you, babying you won’t help” but I get quite distressed when the person I seek support and love from is treating me like a child they’re trying to discipline. I got upset and was crying quite a lot as this isn’t the first time he’s treated me this way. Eventually he got upset him self and apologised and said how he never wants to upset me like this again and loves me so much and doesn’t want to lose me over his silly behavioural issues and we made up and have had a good week since then, until…
Today we got into a pretty heated disagreement over text. He’s currently in another city for job training for the week, so we cannot see eachother in person. We were about to watch a movie together (press play at the same time) and then it all started by me saying I need to grab my headphones, because I was feeling a bit nervous as my parents were having a tense discussion in the kitchen, and I get a bit nervous when people (especially family) speak loud or in a tense tone with eachother, whilst I’m in my room. He asked why I was feeling nervous from it, I said oh I think it’s just a trauma response from the anxiety I would get as a child whenever I heard my parents fighting in another room. He started to go on and on about how that’s not a trauma response, that was just me being sensitive, started going off on rant about how people these days are too soft etc etc, victim mentality etc. I can agree I did use the term ‘trauma response’ a bit lightly, so I apologised and reworded it. He however, said that no it’s not okay that I used that term so lightly and it’s not an ‘oopsie’ situation. Then proceeded to say how this is serious and if I ever went to the doctors and got prescribed antidepressants and then a week after taking them said oh hehe sorry I was just a bit said last week, that it would be fuckign with a medical professional (he went on further with more examples but I’ll provide the one). I said I think he was taking this a bit too far and he said I’m not taking it deeply enough. And he proceeded to be condescending about it all, telling me he was teaching me a life lesson and how life isn’t sunshine and rainbows etc, (you know the type of direction this would’ve headed). He said he’s “educating” me because he’s well educated on the topic (undergrad degree in psychology) and he uses that to shut any rebuttal I have down and he doesn’t want me falling to a victim mentality. I got very upset that he was speaking to me in that way that I have asked him not to and history was repeating it self. I asked him to calm down and i took a break for a min to try and recollect my thoughts as I get very flustered and overwhelmed in these situations with him. He kept going on his rant and said I was deflecting etc and it’s crazy I’m this upset over him teaching me a life lesson. We then called and I was crying over the call letting him know that I was very upset over the way he was communicating with me, but he kept standing his ground and didn’t take any effort to try and comfort me said I was acting wild and that it’s unfair to bring up the conversation we had on the weekend because this has nothing to do with it . I tried to break down how I was feeling and why I felt this way to him but he kept smirking and laughing over the call, so I got fed up and said to fuck off and hung up and we haven’t spoken since.
I think I know what people will comment but I just need to hear some other perspectives in case I am being unreasonable and over emotional. Sorry if it’s all over the place I am feeling quite distressed and cannot think straight .

When they start pulling away that’s a huge sign the discard is imminent. It doesn’t matter what reason they give for it, look at their actions. You can’t trust their words only their actions.
In my relationship experience with my gf, we were on and off for five years and cycled back over a dozen times. I’ve been hit with blind sided discards throughout the years. Usually the discards happened when I thought things were at their best in the relationship and we were having our most closest and intimate times together. I loved her but my heart had hardened over the years and it morphed into a challenge and experiment for me as I am very interested in human psychology. The last three break ups were all initiated by me after I saw set boundaries bulldozed through by her.
In the past, I would have lingered and waited for the axe to fall not believing she would or could actually leave. Now armed with all this hard learned experience, I prepared and waited for her next hoover. Sure enough she came back each time. Sometimes after much more added betrayal. Sometimes she would monkey branch, she would never admit to it but I would usually find out months or years after the fact. She was great at keeping secrets and sneaking around and telling lies. This last time was more of an experiment for me. Her trigger after the love bombing stage and first discard was sexual intimacy which invoked emotional intimacy. Usually right after an intimate encounter she would either start a nonsensical fight and use my reaction as a reason to leave or would just disappear and ghost.
I’ve struggled with does she only have an avoidant attachment style or is there a cluster B disorder also at play. I really think it is BPD with covert NPD traits combined with an avoidant attachment style forming a mental trifecta; a relationship disaster. I knew this last time wouldn’t work. A zebra can’t change its stripes.
She contacted me again to get back together again. I played hard to get trying to decide if I really wanted this or not. I demanded numerous boundaries be agreed to before I would agree trying again. I pushed her so far away, I thought she might just say never mind but when I saw her reaching her limit, I relented and accepted her back with many boundaries in place. I told myself if these were broke I was done and I would leave. One important boundary was being blocked on social media. She would always keep me blocked on FB and other platforms while we were in a relationship. I felt it was to shield her harem from knowing about me and me knowing about them and what she was doing. She kept other ex’s as friends on FB and actually went back to him after we broke up on two occasions.
I often wondered if we put off having sex could we build a stronger foundation and have a longer lasting relationship. I also didn’t want physical intimacy to cloud my judgement and give me false feelings of love. So we both decided to not be intimate right away and just date and put an emphasis on building a friendship and getting close with out sex. Things were great in the beginning. She was trying hard. She opened up in ways I had always wanted. Some of those were because of boundaries I set in the beginning. I got to meet her family and friends. I saw a lot of the same cluster B behaviors in others close to her and her family members from suicide to serial cheating, multiple and short lived relationships etc…
Slowly I could see the mental fatigue on her face. She began struggling about two months in. We decided to plan a weekend getaway and be intimate. I put down deposits on an Airbnb and made plans. She started an argument the week of the trip. Her issue was that I offered to bring her to my gym as a guest so we could do something healthy together and bond. She just thought that was the worst idea ever. During the argument she also told me she could be talking to someone else instead. She then kicked me out of her house. I thought that was the end of the experiment. In the past any conflict no matter how mild would have been reason enough for her to break up.
Low in behold, I was truly surprised, I woke up to a good morning text from her apologizing saying she was not running away and I was her person and she loved me. She stated she still didn’t feel comfortable going on the trip. I lost deposits. I later questioned her about who she was referring to she could be talking to instead. She said she never could have said that as it would have been mean to say.
Fast forward approximately two months later the old argument about the gym was brought up again by her. It didn’t get to the same level of being kicked out of her house. I kept my cool and just gray rocked her and didn’t react. I just affirmed her and said ok. It seemed to give her some relief and not escalate things. We decided to plan a weekend at a casino where we would spend the night. This went off without a hitch. We had a great time and we were very intimate and had great sex. Afterwards laying in bed enjoying the afterglow, she commented this was never our problem. I asked what was our problem, she said it was her running away. She promised to never do that again. The next day we went her parents house for Sunday dinner. Things were great, she seemed so in love with me. I was elated. We were walking into her parents side entrance when I noticed how happy she was and I commented someone looks like they are in love. She turned around and looked at me with the strangest face. Almost like fear. I was taken aback but didn’t say anything as we were walking into her parents house and then greeted everyone. It was like a switch had just flipped. She became distant and quiet. I didn’t see her again until the following sunday. She gave excuses about having to work a night shift that was at first going to alternate every other day to nightly. At the end of the week she invited back to her parents house for dinner. She still texted but I didn’t receive any phone calls and the texts contained less affectionate terms and only offered up I loves you’s only after I did first.
While at her parents house her mother asked if I was going to her birthday party the next night at a restaurant. I said I would love to but I didn’t know anything about it. She gave her mom a wtf look and then said let’s see how he acts first. Me and her mother both looked at each other and laughed. The next night I show up at her house to pick her and her teenage daughter up who had been committed for attempting suicide in the past for the purpose of going to her mother’s bday party.
Two days in the future was Valentine’s Day, I asked what restaurant would she like to go too. She was like I don’t won’t to go out and gave a reason as the restaurants would be to busy but after my persistent questioning she offered possibly a lunch instead and said she would let me know. I dropped it as she was getting visibly angered. This was totally out of character because she always liked going out to busy places where live music and beer was had. I said ok and we continued on to the party. We were at a restaurant and normally she sits right beside me thigh to thigh and she would keep a hand on my leg. That night she sat atleast a foot apart from me and never touched me the whole night. We barely even spoke. Every time I tried she was dismissive.
After dinner we went back to her house and she sat me down to tell me that she felt pressured to see me after work as she missed going to stores and felt rushed to get home to see me. I didn’t react and just offered a compromise and said I understood how about we schedule a date night then. She never responded and just dropped it. She then brought up the gym argument again. I didn’t respond to it. I told her I was her safe place and to just relax. My head was swimming with thoughts of here we go again. I leave soon after her telling me she was tired and I got my peck on the cheek and left early. I did not receive a good night text or ask if I made it home safely. I sent a good night message and fell asleep.
The next morning I wake to no messages which was very abnormal. I normally get good morning messages from her and I love you’s every day. I sent my normal messages and she responds back saying she needed that. But nothing more additional. I go through my day and get nothing else from her. Normally she sends texts all day long. Towards 4 pm I send a text from a gym and a selfie saying hi , I love you. She hearted the photo and said then said she was going to her mom’s house and sent me a selfie of her. She was all dressed up and didn’t look like she was just going to her moms. I was hoping to get an invite to come over. Nothing more came from her. I asked about her daughter as she had was dealing with possible Covid symptoms and I got nothing in response. I didn’t feel like going home so I went to the movies by myself. Sitting there I was thinking why am I putting up with this. I’m really not happy. I feel so alone.
I go to bed and send my normal good night texts. I wake up in the morning and I did not receive any texts. I decided to try calling her and all my calls were forwarded. I then check her Facebook and now see that I am blocked.
I remembered the boundaries I set and the purpose of the boundaries. The purpose was to respect myself and not be used by her again. I did not want to be hurt and abused by her again. With so many discards done in the past by her, I felt the discard was in full swing. I felt she was possibly cheating and the push back was her trying to create space to water a new infatuation. She had recently transferred to a new department within her company and was promoted and allowed to select people she wanted for her office. My gut was telling me she was talking to someone at work which would explain the recent late night hours.
I decided I needed to end the relationship. I sent her a break up text as she always ended it with me that way. Before that happened to me so many times, I never would have chosen to break up over text. But it did allow me to spell out everything I saw and what I felt. It contained my closure and reasoning in an attempt to make my own closure for myself because I knew she would not give any closure and also to hold her accountable. I ended the break up text with an open door and said if I’m wrong please explain. I will listen. Her response was “Wow you said enough.” “I’m done.” I replied “yep, I know”.
Her mother reached out and apologized and expressed regret. I told her everything. I felt vindicated. She said her and her husband thought so highly of me and hoped it would have worked. She did not know if her daughter was seeing anyone else. We have since stopped communicating but we remain friends on FB.
I credit the lack of sexual intimacy as the reason I was able to look at the relationship with sober eyes and step away when I saw the signs. The signs were abuse. They truly were. If you love a person you would never ask for space and give such a silly reason. Sex would have produced false feelings of love. I was able to look at the relationship objectively and I was actually not happy. My needs weren’t being met. I felt so drained and unseen. I didn’t feel loved. She loved the way I loved her but it wasn’t reciprocated.
I felt the need perhaps due to the trauma bond and the perceived betrayal to learn if in fact she had monkey branched in order to help me move away from her permanently.
I reached out to another family member and the ex she monkey branched to in the past. I explained the above information and I ended up not receiving any new information. Both told her I had reached out and her ex blocked me. My ex then sent me an email demanding I stop contacting her family and friends and further more she would be filing a protection order. I never received the order. My only regrets was reaching out to her family and her ex. It just gave her a reason to smear me and to tell everyone I’m nutty person.
I cant say I’m 100% hoover proof at the moment but I have started dating again. I don’t think she will come back again because I believe she feels I can’t be used anymore and furthermore I’m willing to reveal her bad deeds to her family and friends. I think she will choose to move on to a fresh target who does not know her and what she is capable of doing.

I’ve been out of the game for a while and I’m so utterly confused.
So, I met a girl on tinder. I asked her to get coffee Saturday. We went, and to my shock we really hit it off. We have a lot in common which is quite shocking for the time we are in. It went well. Well enough that later in the day I kind of said fuck it and asked her to go bowling.
So, we went bowling and had a great time. So I asked if she wanted to go to a bar and she seemed iffy about going to the bar I suggested because she didn’t want to run into people and have to say hi to everyone? So she suggested we go get drinks and go to her place.
We go to her place and just hangout and talk for hours and hours. Eventually I told her she doesn’t have to sit in the other end of the couch. She immediately starts aggressively making out with me. Then we just cuddled and watched a movie (it was like 3am) then we went to bed and it’s like 4am - I’m too tired to mess around and I assumed she was too.
I did not sleep at all, maybe an hour. So the next morning I told her I was gonna head as I had things to do for others day. I left and then she texted me “is everything okay? You left abruptly” and I explained I didn’t mean for it to come off that way, I just had a lot to do.
So we continued to text each other all day Sunday. On Monday, she randomly messages me and asks me if I want to go on a walk. I said sure and we went for an hour long walk at a park near my place. After the walk I invited her in. We watched a movie and kissed and cuddled. I had to be up at like 5am to go into my office so I let her know I’d invite her to stay but I had to be up super early. She understood and left.
Here’s where everything just gets weird.
She then texts me and asks me if I find her attractive. To which I say of course… and then she says “I just didn’t know if there was a reason why you didn’t want to fuck me?”. Which I then tell her of course I’m attracted to her and want to fuck her. But I like to get to know someone before fucking them.. she says she’s the same but most men aren’t like that. So I reassure her and we get in the same page.
I asked her if she was looking for a FWB situation and she said “to be honest I don’t know what I’m looking for, just going with the flow” and I said same. The she said “I just wanted to see where you were at and let you know I’m down for you.” To which I replied it’s mutual.
THEN she asks me if she can be vulnerable. She tells me that she dated a guy with a micropenis and she can’t do that again. And that it makes her anxious. I then reassure her again that I don’t have a micropenis or any STD’s. We talked and it seemed fine.
Queue to yesterday. She doesn’t text me so I messaged her. I asked if she’s free Thursday or this weekend? She tells me she works late Thursday and has friends in town this weeken. Okay, that’s fine - I just told her to let me know when she has time to hang again. She replies and says she can go into work early Thursday and we can hangout. She also said she can make us food and hang at her place (I gave multiple options on things to do). We continue talking and everything is good.
Yesterday, she also send me a text with a picture of a girls instagram and her text says “k so how do you know this girl and what are the vibes?” It’s a girl I guess she’s friends with that I matched on tinder with three years ago. We never met up and only talked for a month. Nothing sexual and no weird vibes with her so I just explained that.
Today, no text again. So I message her and it’s just beyond cold. At one point I said “looking forward to tomorrow” and she said same:). And then I said “I like hanging with you! And it’s seeet of you to make food.” To which she replied “I would be doing it regardless, but happy to have you!”. I just responded “well good!” And there’s been no response. I’m just leaving it at that.
This is ridiculously confusing. Is this how modern dating is now?

I'm lonely, you're lonely, lets be lonely together :3
A bit about me: - 21 - Trans - Student - Nature enthusiast - Good at texting, bad at talking - Gamer
Would love to find people to game and watch movies with, or even hang out with if we're close enough.
Would prefer other Scandinavians, around my age :) please introduce yourself if you feel like sending a message my way.

So, I met a girl on tinder. I asked her to get coffee Saturday. We went, and to my shock we really hit it off. We have a lot in common which is quite shocking for the time we are in. It went well. Well enough that later in the day I kind of said fuck it and asked her to go bowling.
So, we went bowling and had a great time. So I asked if she wanted to go to a bar and she seemed iffy about going to the bar I suggested because she didn’t want to run into people and have to say hi to everyone? So she suggested we go get drinks and go to her place.
We go to her place and just hangout and talk for hours and hours. Eventually I told her she doesn’t have to sit in the other end of the couch. She immediately starts aggressively making out with me. Then we just cuddled and watched a movie (it was like 3am) then we went to bed and it’s like 4am - I’m too tired to mess around and I assumed she was too.
I did not sleep at all, maybe an hour. So the next morning I told her I was gonna head as I had things to do for others day. I left and then she texted me “is everything okay? You left abruptly” and I explained I didn’t mean for it to come off that way, I just had a lot to do.
So we continued to text each other all day Sunday. On Monday, she randomly messages me and asks me if I want to go on a walk. I said sure and we went for an hour long walk at a park near my place. After the walk I invited her in. We watched a movie and kissed and cuddled. I had to be up at like 5am to go into my office so I let her know I’d invite her to stay but I had to be up super early. She understood and left.
Here’s where everything just gets weird.
She then texts me and asks me if I find her attractive. To which I say of course… and then she says “I just didn’t know if there was a reason why you didn’t want to fuck me?”. Which I then tell her of course I’m attracted to her and want to fuck her. But I like to get to know someone before fucking them.. she says she’s the same but most men aren’t like that. So I reassure her and we get in the same page.
I asked her if she was looking for a FWB situation and she said “to be honest I don’t know what I’m looking for, just going with the flow” and I said same. The she said “I just wanted to see where you were at and let you know I’m down for you.” To which I replied it’s mutual.
THEN she asks me if she can be vulnerable. She tells me that she dated a guy with a micropenis and she can’t do that again. And that it makes her anxious. I then reassure her again that I don’t have a micropenis or any STD’s. We talked and it seemed fine.
Queue to yesterday. She doesn’t text me so I messaged her. I asked if she’s free Thursday or this weekend? She tells me she works late Thursday and has friends in town this weeken. Okay, that’s fine - I just told her to let me know when she has time to hang again. She replies and says she can go into work early Thursday and we can hangout. She also said she can make us food and hang at her place (I gave multiple options on things to do). We continue talking and everything is good.
Yesterday, she also send me a text with a picture of a girls instagram and her text says “k so how do you know this girl and what are the vibes?” It’s a girl I guess she’s friends with that I matched on tinder with three years ago. We never met up and only talked for a month. Nothing sexual and no weird vibes with her so I just explained that.
Today, no text again. So I message her and it’s just beyond cold. At one point I said “looking forward to tomorrow” and she said same:). And then I said “I like hanging with you! And it’s seeet of you to make food.” To which she replied “I would be doing it regardless, but happy to have you!”. I just responded “well good!” And there’s been no response. I’m just leaving it at that.
This is ridiculously confusing. Is this how modern dating is now?

Hi, so, I moved out of my dorm at Hume East this semester. My roommate left a LOT of stuff behind, including clothes, kitchen/bathroom stuff, pillows, and drawers full of random shit. I cleared my side completely, and the RA checked me out, and knew about the stuff left behind, as my roommate even called him as well. I took pictures of everything.
Last night, however, I got a charge for extensive area damage to the room, even though none of it was mine. I think they billed the wrong resident or something. I filed an appeal immediately but I was wondering if there was any way I could send in the pictures as well? The appeal didn’t have any attachment options. I also texted the RA and called housing, both of whom were unhelpful, and just told me to submit an appeal (which I already did). Has anyone else dealt with this and had their appeal resolved? And about how long did it take (I’m very anxious)? I really don’t want to pay for my ex-roommate being nasty.

my boyfriend (m18) has been watching porn and edging for around 6-7 years. he opened up to me about it early on in our relationship and i expressed concern and sent him many resources to help however he didn’t really look into it.
i was looking further into the problem myself and discovered the term gooning which sounds spot on to his problem. he tells me if he doesn’t edge for at least an hour then his orgasm is basically nothing. sometimes he’ll stop texting me for up to four hours and then come back to tell me he did it again. when he does this i feel so disappointed and one time it happened after we literally had a conversation on how to get him to stop. like literally an hour after.
i feel that i am reaching the point where it has begun to impact me because sometimes i’ll get in the mood and he’ll tell me he’s not because he already did it x amount of times that day and all i can think is why didnt you come to me then?? it’s hurtful and i’m tired of trying to help him when he won’t help himself. what do i do?? what can i do??

How do I start!?
This girl I have major crush on her since childhood, Being too cautious and all I never acted on it. She is friendly and all. Even when we where kids she her mom and sister come to our lane cause they have relatives here. Then my mom and her mom became good friends. That's how I know her.
Moving fast forward, she asked my number when we got phones "that age". Then she only initiated conversation we clicked but I had to stop texting her. I felt like a creep having one sided feeling she was younger then me and she calls me "Bhai" ofcourse. Also she was preparing for neet, so didn't want to distract her I wasn't a good student or influence.
Then after a year samething repeated instagram! We had good conversation about movies, childhood stuff she remembers everything I did. But again I had to stop. As nothing at all feels natural.
After 2 years.. Present: We meet at their relatives wedding I mentioned earlier. We spoke a little bit in wedding then next day she came to my house spoke with my mother for hours "my mom also goes to her place 3-4 year". I wasn't there. She then started sending reels. I text about something then the chat sky rocketed. We have been texting each other day and night since last 3 months, she said it's normal for her. In between I said am gonna stop texting her so she could focus on NEET but she assured I'm not disturbing her. So I went with the flow decided to text till results are out. She just texted 3 days she secured good score. Am reliefed that she's fine this time. It's her 4th attempt. Now I want to stop texting her again I don't want to be the creepy guy. I don't want to explain myself why I want to stop texting her it's complicated.
It's a one-sided story, could be biased as delusional me think she also likes me. She is NOT.
She mentioned another guy she had a major crush on since childhood, some characteristics meets me but I checked the guys profile, It's a real person. And details matched too.
So I want to end conversation but this time it's too hard. I can't find a good escape. I think she wants to end it this too but being polite.

D-Day was the day after Valentine’s Day 2024 and we decided to R and the first month and a half was very rough. But I weirdly feel like things are starting to get back to normal and the issue while still has left a very big scar on our relationship and I am still a little hesitant to fully trust him like I did pre d-day. Since this, there have been so many positives that has come out after and I do think our connection is even stronger than before.
Am I moving on from the betrayal too early?
Backstory: The day after Valentine’s Day I (31/F) found old texts from April 2023 on my (35/M) boyfriend’s phone that alluded to him having gone out on a date with someone and was trying to make plans to see each other again. The woman he went out with never ended up replying so she basically ghosted him and he never reached out to her again.
My boyfriend and I have been dating since June 2022 and have been exclusive since. We moved in together back in December and we are on the path to get married.
When I confronted him about who X person was he was at first confused and did not remember the person’s name (it was almost a year after the fact) but when I told him about the texts and the timeline he was then forthcoming with the information.
I had his phone (before he knew I found the texts) for a while that night and some real deep diving and found nothing else on there that would suggest that he did it multiple times or if there were other people.
They had only gone on 1 date and there was nothing physical that happened (other than her kissing him on the cheek goodbye) and no emotional connection was ever really formed. However, the fact that he did this while we were very much dating (I was on a 10 day long trip during that time) and he said things to her that he had said to me early on in our relationship is still incredibly painful and I feel very much betrayed.
My boyfriend has always been very consistent throughout our relationship and has been very loving, kind, and supportive even through other hardships we faced.
Since D-Day he has shown true remorse, has been even more consistent, has listened to my requests and has obliged with every one of them, shares his location with me, and will always let me talk about my feelings in regards to the situation while taking full accountability and validating my emotions. He has also been in the process of finding a therapist to get to the root of his self sabotaging.
There have definitely been some rough days where i think about the situation and get hurt and angry all over again, but there have definitely been much more happy days than down days.
I had always told myself that I would never forgive infidelity but until it happened to me I see just how complex the decision to R can be. Seeing how serious how some cases of infidelity are I do feel like my case is quite small in comparison, but I also don’t think it’s something to be swept under the rug. I also do believe that good people can sometimes make some really bad choices but it’s what they do after that really marks their character.
Has anyone gone through something similar emotion or healing process?

Sooo, id love some company! Dm me if you wanna chat and maybe see if we’d be friends ;) I also just came back from Paris so I’ve got lots of great pictures, dm me if you wanna see!
Edit: Really sorry to the people I’ve not responded to yet, if you wanna chat send another message and I’ll definitely text you back🖤

How do I start!?
This girl I have major crush on her since childhood, Being too cautious and all I never acted on it. She is friendly and all. Even when we where kids she her mom and sister come to our lane cause they have relatives here. Then my mom and her mom became good friends. That's how I know her.
Moving fast forward, she asked my number when we got phones "that age". Then she only initiated conversation we clicked but I had to stop texting her. I felt like a creep having one sided feeling she was younger then me and she calls me "Bhai" ofcourse. Also she was preparing for neet, so didn't want to distract her I wasn't a good student or influence.
Then after a year samething repeated instagram! We had good conversation about movies, childhood stuff she remembers everything I did. But again I had to stop. As nothing at all feels natural.
After 2 years.. Present: We meet at their relatives wedding I mentioned earlier. We spoke a little bit in wedding then next day she came to my house spoke with my mother for hours "my mom also goes to her place 3-4 year". I wasn't there. She then started sending reels. I text about something then the chat sky rocketed. We have been texting each other day and night since last 3 months, she said it's normal for her. In between I said am gonna stop texting her so she could focus on NEET but she assured I'm not disturbing her. So I went with the flow decided to text till results are out. She just texted 3 days she secured good score. Am reliefed that she's fine this time. It's her 4th attempt. Now I want to stop texting her again I don't want to be the creepy guy. I don't want to explain myself why I want to stop texting her it's complicated.
It's a one-sided story, could be biased as delusional me think she also likes me. She is NOT.
She mentioned another guy she had a major crush on since childhood, some characteristics meets me but I checked the guys profile, It's a real person. And details matched too.
So I want to end conversation but this time it's too hard. I can't find a good escape. I think she wants to end it this too but being polite.

So we both just got out of our past relationships about 2 months ago n we met soon after and started liking eachother. In the beginning it was just physical attraction, later on we decided to hookupn we spend a nice amount of time hanging out, went to where we stay, madeout a ton of times, talked bout stuff in between, and he was complimenting me a lot on how beautiful, pretty and kind i am as a person and that he likes me a lot, told me that he wanted this typpa intimacy, I felt good too we had a really good sexual tension and intimacy, but he couldn't get it up..so does that mean he hasnt moved on? I was ok with what happened because he needs time obviously but Now its been 3 weeks or something and he rarely texts me, but he does have the same energy with every text he sends, no negative. But the real rare amount of texting makes me feel concerned as if he likes me anymore or not. What do you all think?

Hello everyone! I'm super desperate...
I'm about to graduate as a M.Sc in Geoinformatics very soon, but I feel so worried that I did the 8 last years of studying in vain.
First, I worked as a surveying engineer, but then realized that I cannot handle all those sensory stimuli outside like loud noises on the streets. So, I switched to Geoinformatics. I never had problems with writing code, but I always hated debugging errors within code. I never had enough patience, if I couldn't solve an error within 20 minutes, it made me want to throw my laptop out of the window. I was always hoping that at some point I will develop more frustration tolerance, that's what kept me going. But now I realized that this will never happen. I cannot take it anymore.
If you're now asking yourself why I decided to study Surveying/Geoinformatics in the first place, my parents pressured me to do so and I gave in. My dream has always been to study Geography, particularly Human Geography, and I feel so much sadness, regret and self-hate that I wasn't strong enough to trust my intuition and stick to my dream. I tortured myself through the studying program and I will never get those lost 8 years back 😢
Now I at least want to make use of my degree somehow. However, I became more self-aware and realized that I have so much more emotional than rational intelligence. I want to do research about social problems and find new ideas how to solve them. I want to do interviews with people to understand their problems, hopes and dreams and I want to spread awareness about them.
I don't know who can help me, my colleagues at work and university professors try to push me back into jobs with coding or engineering, it feels like swimming against the currents. I know that programmers and engineers are heavily requested in the labour market, but I already went through burnout for 6 weeks. What's the point of staying in a job that society wants me to take when I know it will destroy me mentally in the long run?
Please send help...I need to find a new career path. I'd love to start a PHD in Human Geography in Europe, but I don't fulfill the requirements for that. Should I re-do a second master degree in Human Geography? I don't really wanna study anymore, but if I have no other option I am ready to do that.
Is there any media company that needs someone who can create and interpret maps? I'm ready to design maps for them, as long as it doesn't involve any coding, if they are ready to open the door into journalism for me in exchange. Unfortunately, I can't find such a company on the Internet.
Or do you maybe have other ideas? Other career paths I can take which allow me to understand human feelings instead of solving technical problems while still making use of my master's degree? Is it even possible to balance those two interests? What do you think?
I'm so sorry for the long text. I hope you get the dilemma I'm in now and can help show me a way out.

tw /// for self harm, grooming, domestic abuse, not proof read
For context we met three months ago when we were both in a rough mental patch. But we were able to find comfort in our lives through eachother. At first we were very open about our feelings and affection, but one day (20-27 days in) I wrote a small paragraph that basically told that I really loved him and I care about him right before I went to sleep. Before that we had acknowledged that we both liked eachother romantically, but wanted to take things slow. He proceeded to ghost me for 6 hrs (I ended up passing out from the stress and pain of him not responding to me).
But I woke up to a text that explained that he wanted to take things slow and not be so serious. I agreed (I have psychosis and I trust his judgement) even though it really broke my heart. Flash forward to Mid April where we were progressing really well in our relationship. I asked him how his day went and he told me that he was sad today. It was really odd because he never ever opens up when he was sad. I was excited that he was confiding in me. So of course I dropped everything to comfort him, and after some very gentle, guided prodding he finally opened up to a traumatic experience (self harm) that happened to him. He basically SH to get a girl's attention when he was 13-14.
He said something along the lines of "I'm scared of summer because something bad always happens in summer," and "I do things I regret", "I'm scared of things repeating themselves" before getting to the heart of what happened.
Of course I take this issue very seriously, and I'm softly comforting him through it. Then, he suddenly doesn't respond. I don't worry all too much about it because he's upset, of course he's allowed to not respond for a while. So I ended up waiting by the phone (it's a week day and I had online classes to attend) from 11 am to 1 pm and he doesn't ever come back. I'm extremely worried about him, he told me some very heavy stuff.
I try not to think about it and push through the day even though it was so stressful. I send him a goodnight text at 4 pm (1 am his time), and just assumed maybe his siblings or his parents had stole him away for a bit.
But when I wake up the next morning he's not there. I assume he needed his space, it was a lot to relive so I sent him a text checking up on him etc etc. Sending him love and comfort. Then I go my whole day with still no text. Okay. I'm scared now. I'm scared. So the next day, he's not there. I text him like usual, telling him about my day in this short of limbo. The next day, he's still not there and I'm terrified at this point. I wake up and im instantly waiting by the phone until 2-4pm (neglecting my classes a bit), I'm stressed and anxious and I'm fighting panick attacks and voices and visual hallucinations. The next day, he's not there and I get so bad that I start fearing for my life a little. I needed up buying some really strong calming Ashwaganda + Magnesium Glycinate gummies on Amazon and downloaded Void Pets + Mediation and Sleep therapy apps to help regulate.
I was especially terrified, because, I don't know man, you can't tell a girl you're scared of things repeating and then say you used to SH to get your crush attention and then leave?? But guess what, he's not there for two more days.
He leaves me for six whole days. Meanwhile I'm texting him, deleting my texts to not overwhelm him, convinced that I must be overwhelming him or I'm wrong or I'm the problem. I felt crushed, heartbroken, and punished. I would daydream us being together at night and I would look at all his pictures and reread our conversation. I was so terrified of getting things wrong, I couldn't read the comforting messages I sent to him because I was scared and convinced that they sent him over the edge.
My messages were paragraphs, but they were short and they were basically (in summary) "That's sounds extremely rough, I'm here for you. My feelings about you havent changed. Don't beat yourself up so much that was like five years ago. It was a horrible thing to do, but you have to remember that you are" yadadada and he also was shaming himself and he said something like "I haven't even told her I did that to myself" it was just really horrible. I was fully prepared to handle his fears as his partner, I wasn't afraid of what he had did. I would've listened to him go on and on about until the late hours (for him), he needed the support desperately. He's a stiff man, he doesn't talk about his feelings much, he's been hurt so much so badly yet he can't seem to trust himself. Even whole he was telling me all this he limited his messages to 1-4 sentences.
I love him, I don't want him to hurt all alone.
But by the morning of the six day, no text or nothing, I made up my mind to leave him. I said if he didn't text me or message me at all by 6 pm it would be completely over. Around 2 pm I felt a wave of overwhelming heartbreak, I felt weak like he was killed infront of me. I couldn't keep working, I left my computer and laid on my bed and listened to our song on loop. On my third play, my eyes were clear enough to see that I got a notification from him 49 minutes ago. I was so happy but at the same time I had this weird and undefined bad emotion. I think it was rage and confusion and hurt..
But I checked his message and it was something like "Hello, I took some time for myself. I don't ever want to relive those memories ever again. Did some thinking etc etc. I'm sorry that I left you. That was really egotistical of me and etc etc. I promise you I'll read every message you wrote, and listen to every voice note you sent. I'm going to take a break for three more days."
And I just felt so angry but happy. I felt like I needed to be happy but I was so angry.
I sent him a message at first all like "I hate you so much (playfully) I'm so glad you're back, ofc take time for yourself. I love you, you don't have to relive any of that... take your break but ill be real mad at you" and some more lighthearted jokes-- when suddenly anger just bursted out of me. I sent like four paragraphs after that basically telling him how much this hurt me, how much I couldn't believe he ghosted me because he didn't want to relive those memories, how angry I was for him shutting me out and punishing me like that, how he burned me badly by doing so. I said something like "I don't care that you're hurting alone when we could've hurt together, instead of us both hurting alone because you pushed me out" and I said something like. "I hope you're not taking those few days because you're scared to face me and you're waiting to your fear dies out to face me"/something about him running from his emotions.
Then I started getting really heartbroken and sad again and was like, "no please I didn't mean it please don't take that break I won't be able to handle it if you take that break. I hope you respond in the next hour or two, I need you to respond. I need you. Please come back, the love I used to feel for you is quickly becoming overweighed by the pain you inflicted on me"
My messages were really long and I kept going and going once I realized that he wasn't going to reply. The summary I made above was the very last thing I wrote before limbo derealization all day. He didn't even text me back that day man. The next day I had a keratin appointment at 2 pm, and I have a very tender head so I needed to be collected so I wouldn't have a breakdown in the chair. But out of stress I woke up at 8 am and checked my phone and he messaged me.
He said smth like: "I'm sorry if this seems half assed I'm really drained reading all of those messages. It hurts me to hear that me taking a break for myself burned you like that. I didn't have to be this serious. I know it's impossible for you to not take me serious."
I felt rage.
I don't remember what I said but it was defeated and short.
And then I think went "You know what fine. You're right. I'm too attached to you, I'll work on fixing that."
Then he went "No I'm sorry, don't change yourself for me. I don't know what's fully wrong with me, you shouldn't change for me."
I said something like "Okay. I'm going to bed now."
He said "Goodnight my [nickname]"
I was going to distance myself and not be a partner to him anymore. I wasn't going to respond as quick as I used to do, I wasn't going to reply for hours at a time, I was going to put him on the back burner and message him whenever I felt like it. But when I woke up that morning at 11 am or so he sent me a song (he's not good with his words at all), and said something like
"Here I am returning to you like a lost puppy," or something like that but rlly shameful towards himself. I don't remember what he said, it was both aggravating and pitiful. Then I watched him type and decided I'd listen to the song. It was Sleepwalking? I think that's the name of the song? It was like "You left me miserable" or something but it kinda made me really angry. It was sort of insensitive but I gave him the benefit of the doubt cause, yk, I'm still his partner.
And he said, finally, "You were kind of cold last night. I spent the whole day worried and stressed out of my mind. I finally understand how you must've felt while I was gone."
It made me angry. I wanted to spit and curse and go "you haven't felt a fraction of what you did to me"
I don't remember the rest of what he said or even if he said anything else. But the conversation went
Me: "Oh hey." Him: "Hello." "I listened to the song you sent. I didn't expect you to text me. I'm glad." "I'm glad you responded." "Yeah." "Yeah" "Ive got a keratin appointment in 40 minutes" "Oh. Alright. We will talk another time." That made me angry. I wanted to shut him out. "We've got time to talk now don't we?" "Yes. We do." Him again: "Is that Ellie as your pfp?" Me, a little annoyed: "Yeah. She's cool." "I agree." "Yeah. Sorry. I didn't think you'd text me" I get all teary eyed and sad but still tryinf to redirect back to the emotional part of the argument "I don't want to think about what would've happened if I didnt." I felt kind of rejected again. I wanted to talk about my emotions. I want to talk about my pain. I wanted justice for it
And then we got all lovey and dovey and he promised to text me everyday and stuff and stuff, check up on me. Send me more pictures of his cats. He said some notable things like, "I'd do it all if it meant you'd keep being yourself around me," & "You don't know how happy you make me. I don't say it enough."
He doesn't.
Before I left was I like "Um [nickname], can I say the L word?" (A running joke of ours) and he said "I'm not so sure if I'm ready to say it back" I felt disappointed and hurt, "No no, don't say it if you're not ready. Okay? I love you" and he got all giggly
He was saying good morning to me, sending me his pets, and replying to my msgs for a good while. I think I started to feel scared and self conscious and I didn't know how to talk to him or if I was keeping him entertained. I still didn't feel like he loved me, I didn't feel loved the way I wanted to. It felt like obligation. I didn't feel that he told me he loved me enough, or that he complimented me enough. Or that he talked to me enough. But he fore warned me in March that he gets really busy in June cause he has to help out in his parent's giant garden farm. So I chalked it up to him being busy but I didn't feel loved at all.
I told him that (I don't remember when on the timeline but it was recent) that I hated when he took breaks cause it felt like he was punishing me. I think we talked about this @ 8 am b4 my keratin. I said to him, "if u told me u loved me more or complimented me more or forewarned me before u took any breaks then I wouldn't worry if he was hurting me or not cause I'd know that u weren't." And he basically said something like "oh I think it's your anxiety, you know that I love you. I have no reason to be angry at you. I don't think I'd ever be angry at you. No I won't. I love you, you know that. Why would I ever be angry at you? Geninue question." (Paraphrased + out of ordebad memory)
I was foggy and conflicted and confused, but through my pain I trusted him. I said, you know what maybe it is my anxiety. Even though it hurts me every morning, and I wake up with a spiked blood pressure because of this guy and the abandonment issues he gave me.
Oh yeah but anyways things get sort of smooth again. But ny anxiousness grows as I start to feel like he's only doing this out of obligation or that he'd tired of me. This week/month we weren't able to talk at all, it was like I'd wake up to his messages, respond, go my whole day and aleep, and then he'd wake up and then respond, go his whole day, then I'd wake up and respond. Aka not very affective or loving communication after ghosting me for 6 days. But I chalked it up to him being busy and doing farm stuff and taking his courses.
But the day before the big ordeal that lead me to break up with him, I finally caught him and we had our first real conversation since our 10 days of one comment a day stuff. And I said hi and he said hi and I felt like I didn't remember how to actually tall to him anymore. I don't know, his language judt felt kind of uncomfortable. He quickly said, "I'm just responding to your messages before I get back to studying" it kind of felt like he didn't want to talk at all ans not for long. It hurt, I'd always put aside my studying for him because he deserved my time. I'd prolong it because we're LD and our timezones don't match, and I know how valuable, limited, and special our time was. But he couldn't even stop studying just for a little while?
We said like 3 things before he suddenly stopped replying and ghosted me for the day. I guess he went back to studying and didn't even say goof bye.
But the next day I was hearing about people talk about their partners and having intimacy with them and I felt this overwhelming urge to confess my sexual desire of him. Despite everything, from February-early April (when things were once lovely) I felt a strong sexual attraction to him. He was gentle and trustworthy and he opened up to me and he made me feel safe and he was really funny and sweet. My favorite thing about him was how respectful and gentle he was with me, he called me his queen in his language and he used to be so attentive of me. I think all that stopped when he realized he had to put in more effort with me and that I was serious and that I drained him.
Also another thing that he used to do that hurt me was that he would tell me get got drained from reading my texts. I talk a lot I'm a flim nerd ans I've got many hyperfixafions. Back in our February-March phase, I once told him about whales and dolphins ans manta rays for two hours and he listened to all of it with feedback and commentary and giggles and laughs. I showed him all my whale memorabilia, and I even included pictured of all the whales and animals I was talking about. He giggled and he called me a nerd but he read it all. But then April-May, I sent him a blurb about this book I was writing and he went "Whoa that's a lot" and then ghosted me. I don't think he ever read it
People tell me all the time that I talk too much but I find what I have to say very interesting and fun. Since I was a kid everyone told me that they hated to hear me speak, it really messes with my psyche a lot.
Sometimes I think they're right but I remember I once rambled about whatever I wanted to a total stranger for 4 hrs while he gamed and he loved every second of it. He told me to start a podcast, it was very sweet. Then I also think of my best friend of two years who would call me and talk for hours until our eyes couldn't even stay open anymore. We'd be playing a video game and then completely forget and just talk to eachother the entire time. I remember that my best friend also loved to hear about my writing, even the fanfiction I made he even wanted to read it and create his own. I remember how he quickly asked me to send him a copy of my unfinished book so he'd read it with his own eyes instead of me tell it to him in rambles. He asked why he hadn't met my family yet even though i met a bunch of his through the phone, and how he introduced me to his baby sister.
He did this thing that whenever I made my voice all soft and babyish he'd fo it back and I felt safe. I do that voice all the time with my older sister, mom, and brother, and I'm used to strangers not really liking it all that much but he didn't mind. He did it back to me, and he never got angry at me. He certainly didn't ghost me. I realized that the problem wasn't me.
But still I trusted my partner, and I made a reddit post about how I wanted to tell him how he makes me feel. I was groomed, and as a Christian, the concept of sex I'd very scary to me. But I trusted that he'd be able to have a mature conversation with me. I'd imagine the conversation excitedly in my head as I went to sleep, I knew he'd take care of me like he used to do back in February and March.
But He ghosted me for 24hrs after I texted him "Um, (nickname). I feel sexually attracted to you, is that normal?" It was a perfect response to me, it captured my personality, it followed our running joke (um, [nickname]. I [insert something intimate] 🤓☝️☝️), but it also allowed him to give his perspective in it.
I had a panick attack that night. I was scared because I am a Christian and I feel sexual attraction (I know it's not bad, but I was spiraling I couldn't get myself to think clear). I was scared because I was groomed multiple times, I was scared that I was hurting and overwhelming him.
Then I sort of snapped out of it. (Thanks to daily affirmations with voidpets. I'm not joking voidpets was a life saver pls download it). I could hear "You can trust your body to handle these emotions" in my head, and I slowly started to overcome it.
When I finally calmed my mind, my heart was still beating so fast that it hurt me physically. It lasted a couple hours after I did it. I realized I wasn't going to sleep so I texted my partner that I was having a panic attack and that I'd be up all night. (Inviting him to talk to me).
When I woke up, he didn't message me. So I went into limbo and kept talking as if nothing ever happened. I talked about Joost and Sea lions and sea leopards. A funny conversation.
But then the anxiety started kicking in again I started my cycle of spiraling until he messaged me again when I snapped out of it again. I could hear my affirmations in my head telling me that I did not deserve this. I sent him a text saying "Hey, can we talk. I know you saw my message" (he definitely did he was texting me every single day out of obligation), "I know you need your breaks. But A simple, "Hey (Name), that was a lot and I don't feel the same way." Would have been nice. But I won't speak for you. Talk to me, I won't know what's going on unless you let me in"
And then I wait for a response and I don't get one and I started spiraling.
Finally I snapped and stood up for myself.
"I can't do this etc etc" and then I blocked him. I don't remember all of what I said when I broke up with him but I definitely was too kind towards him with it. I said we love differently and that's okay and we need to find partners that fit us. And etc etc etc.
I took care of myself all day and I felt was light as a feather when I woke up. I played video games w my best friend and he invited one of his friends and I had a really great time.
Sometimes I get really guilty about blocking him and how he didn't deserve it. But he didn't care about me when he ghosted me left and right?
I'm so angry I want to curse him out and scream. I can't afford medication but I eas willing to be medicated to fit into his lifestyle, but ever since leaving him my psychosis has melted away into thin air. I don't wake up with adrenaline or with a heart that's pounding so hard I feel it swelling, or get scared or worried everytime I get a text message.
I spent 73 days learning his language for him, researching his country's culture, listening to music in his language. Listening to his weird music taste and remembering all these little things about his parents, his siblings, his favorite things, so much. So much love I gave him unconditionally.
I remember whenever I communicated that I felt unloved or that was scared or anxious that he'd tell me that I was just being anxious, that I should tell my close friends about it, or that I was draining him. He'd say I feel drained I have to go, and I'd be understanding compassionate and tell he to take care of himself. And he'd tell me to take care of myself. Now that I think about it, he wasn't teaching me to love myself cause he's so gentle-- he forced me too with how little attention he gave me. He gaslit me and made me feel crazy man. I spent hours researching love languages and relationship coaching and therapy books and YouTube videos to make myself a better girlfriend.
I told him about my Dad's abuse on the family throughout the years and how I hated him. I seeked for his comfort, he never could really make me feel better just more confused. He didn't comfort me good, not the way I did for him. I looked for him after nightmares, I told him I couldn't fall asleep without him there.
I was going to say I want revenge but I don't care, and it makes me so happy that I don't care. I'm going to enjoy spending time with myself, I'm having so much more fun now. It hurts, but I've been babying myself all day like how I wanted to be loved by him and it makes me feel good. It's this weird intimacy that I've never had with myself before but it makes me feel so happy. I pet my own hair and I call myself cute nicknames, I cuddle my pillow and tell myself to relax because "I'll take care of me".
I want to unblock him and talk to him but the idea of waiting for a response from him is too terrifying. Should I try to fix things? I still love him and his culture & language, and we always make great conversation. I'm incredibly stressed out, I don't know what to do. I feel I'm overplaying how bad he was sometimes, he was really sweet to me and tried his best.
Maybe I blocked him too abruptly, we were doing well up until that point.
I know he loves me it's just that he's avoidantly attached, but still I hate the ghosting. He's not ready for a relationship. He's just a scared kid like I am, we're just figuring this life out. But the idea of being back with him is comforting and incredibly stressful and scary
When I think about the music we used to listen to and all his pictures I kind of want to go back to how things were when we were good. He's the only person I've ever been sexually attracted to, and I want that back. I want to relax with him, but as I type this out I dont think I was ever able to fully relax with him. I wanted to explore aexual intimacy with him. I guess I need to let that go.
I just think of him being alone and crying over me and it hurts. Help?

So I've been dating my GF a year, and been official for almost a year.
At this point, I only introduced my GF to one friend, a really fat girl who she thought had went on a date with me, and one random acquaintance, a dude who said I was cool at a class.
Over a year, it is pretty obvious the only person I have available to hang out with is my girlfriend. I do go to dance classes though.
My GF also has higher, bougie standards for how often people older than 30 can realistically hang out with friends.
I have a different platonic female friend, who was much closer with ten years ago, and for a while two years ago, who I just text with now, there is zero interest either way, but I can tell she's losing interest in talking to me, because I'm insecure and ask too much advice about my girlfriend, and when I have cool shit to share, it feels bougie or boasting. If I'm vulnerable about finances or my GF, I just look like a loser. If I show cool shit, I look like I'm boasting. So it looks like the friendship is fading, even though she used to send essay long messages. I've tried giving her space and I've tried contacting her more, neither worked.
My GF is starting to get insecure about this friend, because she asked for a souvenir from our last trip. Even claiming I made this person up, after watching a podcast where a guy made up friends to get his girlfriend to think certain things.
I text this friend every few days, and I've invited her to hang out with my girlfriend, or me, third wheel or double date, multiple ways over and the answer is always no or ghost. I'm not like repeatedly inviting her, there's time in between.
So I'm trying to figure out how to either get this friend to hang out, or portray me not having friends in the best possible way to my GF.
Usually, I invite this friend to a specific thing like a lunch or a event. At this point should I be vague and direct and say "Hey, do you ever want to hang out? Third wheel or double date, either way's good. If not, that's cool" or "When am I gonna get to see you and again?"
Thing is, even if my GF meets this friend it'll be like "Oh yeah we only hung out 2 times in the last 2 years" so it also looks like I'm fronting.

T/w: suicide
I feel like my marriage is in crisis and my husband does not want to do counseling because he doesn’t want a third party involved in our marriage.
Married 10 years with 2 school aged children. 2 months ago my husband came home with a long letter saying that I made him want to kill himself. It was a long list of complaints about me, some that I never heard before, some that I knew about, like that I am boring in bed, he doesn’t like the neighborhood we live in, he doesnt like how I plan too many vacations or things with the kids, I stress him out, that I was too sad over a miscarriage 2 years ago, he hates our cat, our kids are spoiled, things like that. He looked like he was very very very tired and like he had been out drinking all night or something but he had just gone to work and then the gym. He didn’t smell like alcohol but he just looked rough. He had never ever done anything like this before and things that week at home were totally normal. He has been blowing up more and angrier but otherwise things have been like they always have been.
I am a nurse and before we were married up to 3 years ago used to work in a psych hospital. My husband (Jake) always used to accuse me of having a thing for one of the doctors there (Brian). Brian and I would text outside of work, usually things like memes about our job. It was never in the slightest romantic and he talks to everyone he works with. He is very extroverted and kind of gossipy. Brian since married and had a baby and Jake and I know his wife and kid. I have told Jake many times there was nothing to worry about and got a new job in a clinic where I didn’t see Brian any more. After that we would send Christmas cards and things and sometimes Brian would text me things going on at the hospital like when another nurse’s spouse died . Again, nothing romantic. I know i probably should have stopped replying to him because it made Jake uncomfortable but I didn’t because I considered Brian a friend and thought Brian was harmless.
Well, this is where I f*** up. First I really should have stopped talking to Brian. But, when I got this letter from Jake and he came home in distress I didn’t know what to do and called Brian because he is the only psych I know and I thought he could tell me what I need to do. Brian then told me it was a very dangerous situation and he called the authorities and they put Jake in a hold. I will mention one thing is Brian knows Jake is really into guns and has a large gun collection so that may have been why he thought it was so dangerous.
They let Jake out 72 hours later with some new meds and now he is furious with me. He has been saying that Brian and I were “setting him up” and having an affair. I have begged and pleaded to get him to understand I called him because I thought he would help but he does not believe me. He has also accused me of talking to divorce lawyers since October 2022. I don’t know where he got that date because it is so specific and I have never contacted any divorce lawyer.
I completely cut off Brian and blocked him on social media and text and told him I was not happy with him for calling 911 and that is not why I called. Some other old coworkers have reached out to try to talk to me about it and I blocked them too.
My in laws are now telling Jake to leave me because I got him locked up and am a cheater. But Jake has told them he’s not leaving me.
I’m not sure what to do. I have tried to give Jake access to my computer so he can see there’s no divorce lawyers in my email and phone so he can see all of my texts with Brian. I have told Jake I want to work with a counselor on all of the things he is upset about especially being bad in bed and I started seeing a sex therapist and pelvic floor specialist. But Jake does not want to do counseling with me because he doesn’t want anyone else involved. And he is 100% convinced that I was cheating and talking to divorce lawyers. Every time we talk about it he says that the hold was all my fault and that I am a cheater and betrayed him.
I really love him and I know I made a huge mistake in how I handled that situation. Everything was going so well up until this night and we have two great kids. And, he has not had any incidents like this since, he is just very mad about everything that happened. Is there anything I can do to get him to believe me that I was just trying to help him and didn’t mean to get him locked up? Is there any coming back from this?

Is this a golden email? Text:
On April 19, 2022, the Biden-Harris Administration announced several changes that will help borrowers get closer to or achieve forgiveness under income-driven repayment (IDR) regardless of whether or not you have ever participated in an IDR plan. With these changes, you are now eligible to have some or all of your student loans forgiven because you have reached the necessary number of payments under IDR.
The U.S. Department of Education will work with your servicer to process your IDR forgiveness over the next several months. If you would like to opt out of IDR forgiveness for any reason, contact your loan servicer no later than 06/05/2024 and tell them that you are not interested in receiving IDR forgiveness. Some reasons why you might want to consider opting out include concerns about a potential state tax liability.
If you decide to opt out of IDR forgiveness, you will be expected to continue paying your loan(s).
Loan Servicer Information
Don't know who your loan servicer is? Log in to StudentAid.gov, find "My Aid," and select "View loan servicer details." You can also call us at 1-800-4-FED-AID, and we will connect you with your servicer.
If you have federal student loans with multiple servicers—or if your loan(s) is being transferred—and you want to opt out of IDR forgiveness, you should contact all your servicers with eligible loans.
If you don't opt out, here's what happens next: 1 We will send your information to your loan servicer(s) after 06/05/2024.

2 

Your loan servicer(s) will notify you if and when your IDR forgiveness has been processed. It may take some time for your loan servicer to process your forgiveness and for your account to reflect this change.

3 

If you have loans with multiple servicers, each servicer will notify you if and when they have applied forgiveness to your account with them. President Biden and the U.S. Department of Education are committed to supporting borrowers and ensuring they get the credit towards loan forgiveness that they are entitled to. Learn more about IDR forgiveness and the one-time account adjustment actions the Biden-Harris Administration announced last year.
Note: This letter is not an attempt to collect a debt or a demand for any payment.

I'm sorry cause this is going to be all over the place.
Our friendship: Ashley and I met at the end of our sophomore year of high school. We danced to Just Dance on the last day of the school year, in a classroom party. We became very close when she reached out and told me that the guys we were dating were friends and she wanted to be friends with me.
We would text and call constantly, go to every one of our boyfriends football games, and have sleepovers. We shared all of our deepest secrets and upbringing stories, we grew to know everything about each other, as much as one can know about the other as high school best friends. Our boyfriends were cheaters and abusive so we also shared some bad times and had each other to rely on. When we left those two guys, we were still very very close. I am a big giver and a very empathetic person. I am an active listener and do everything absolutely can to help those that I care about. (Not to toot my horn but it's truly just who I am.) Majority of our relationship was me helping her and giving her advice and support, where as she didn't give me the same kind of energy, which I was okay with. Not everyone can provide that kind of thing but I believe people to be good and her intentions always seemed good. I helped her through her failed and fleeting relationships. She was very picky about who she wanted to be in a relationship with, as she should, because she wanted it to last. Everytime she needs someone I am there before she can really ask, I can tell when things are off or she's stressed, and she loves that about our friendship.
She's not good at reading things like that for me, which is okay. I moved to another state after our first year of college to be in my hometown. I met my now husband (23M) and we got married. Ashley was my maid of honor, we are best friends and I couldn't imagine anyone else being in that role on my big day. I introduced her to my husbands friend Ron (23M) and they instantly hit it off. She instantly moved here and their relationship is seemingly amazing. She is pregnant and they've announced their engagement.
Ashley is a yapper. She's funny. She's very easily influenced. She's short and skinny, we did sports together in high school and she has maintained a nice physique. She speaks it like it is most of the time. I've caught her in little lie's but I ignore them. It's seems almost habit for her. I love her regardless though because I choose to see the good in people and give grace. I am not perfect by any means, I have a lot of faults. I have a habit of running from my problems and not facing them. Ashley has always been confident about things like that. She's very strong willed and minded. She's now pregnant and getting married. I am so happy for her!
When Ashley and I met I was pretty thin but thicker than most girls. I always had trouble losing weight and got picked on for not being skinny. It made me insecure but I surrounded myself with people who don't care about those kinds of things. Storm is my closest friend as I am for her.
I have just been diagnosed with PCOS. I had gallbladder surgery last year and I gained 100+ Ibs. It’s not a fun combo. I finally am getting the answers I need to hopefully reverse the pain I've gone through. I am much bigger now though and cannot lose the weight. My doctors are going to be helping me with that.
When I had my wedding planning going on Ashley would dream with me and live vicariously through me. This was before my gallbladder surgery and I was doing okay for someone struggling with PCOS silently. But my weight was okay, I looked pretty good and I was extremely happy! Ashley told me that I was 100% going to be one of her bridesmaid when she gets married along with her other friend Macy, who she's known the same amount of time as me. Then she was not sure who else. But she made a very shallow comment.
"I will NOT have a fat person in my bridal party though. Every time I see a fat bridesmaid I cringe because they look so bad in the dresses."
Usually I would tell her that’s mean but for some reason I just ignored this and changed the topic. Maybe out of insecurity.
Fast forward to today, she texts me and asks if she can come over and vent about her parents being rude and unaccommodating for her wedding plans. She also was going to cut some handmade invitation she wanted to send out ASAP. I offered to help her and like always welcome to her into my home so that she can vent.
The first thing she says when she walks in "please don't be mad at me too." I was confused and asked her "why?" She said that she wasn't picking me to be one of her bridesmaids. I laughed, and I was like “I don't care that's fine” thinking she was picking people of more importance in her life and that have been there for her. I asked who she picked, and she said she picked Macy, this one girl that she talk crap about so much (for good reason for how that girl treats her) and two girls she just met. I was happy for her and I'm not the kind of girl who gets upset when I'm not picked for things. She stayed for a few hours and vented while I listened. I helped with her invitations and she just left.
When she left, I started thinking because I now have time to think. She didn't give me a reason why she didn't pick me. The more I think about it I don't see how she wouldn't pick me, especially over two people she just met, who have no relation to her or her family, and someone who she low-key despises.
But then it hit me, the conversation we had over a year ago. All the girls she picked are skinny and pretty... she didn't pick the people who are important to her. She picked who looks good. I don't see any other reason why she would not choose me snd frankly, if I am correct, I don't see myself being friends with someone who could be so shallow. Have I been friends with someone this shallow? Have I been blind? I didn't think she saw me in this kind of light and she knows of my struggles.
How do I go about asking her about the reason for not choosing me? Should I even ask? I don't wanna make assumptions but it's the only thing that I can truly think of that would prevent me from being in her wedding party. I want to know if the reason why she didn't ask me is because she thinks that I will look too fat and too ugly for her wedding party. Because she told me that I would 100% be in her party, the only things that have changed in our lives since that "no fat bridesmaids" conversation are her engagement+pregnancy and my weight gain. We haven't had any falling out. I would never speak poorly of her until this moment and I help her out as much as I always have if not more. Let me also specify clearly, if I haven’t already, I truly do not care about being picked. But this is my bestest and closest friend and I was told by her that I would be in the wedding. I understand people change their minds, but I feel like I deserve a good reason when it comes to her.
I believe I'm a good friend and I don't deserve this, if I am right. What would you do in this situation? I called my mom and asked her about it. She has always said that there was something off about Ashley. She's met all of my friends and she's never said that about anyone but her. However, I always reassured my mom that I care for her, she's a good person, and asked for her to give her grace. But my mom was so livid when I told her all of this today and I couldn't help but sob because I’m hurt. My mom says I should text her and ask her why she didn't pick me but I feel like she won't tell me the truth anyhow. I am curious to know what reason she comes up with if she does lie.
Am I the asshole for being mad at my bestfriend and feeling like this could be the end of our friendship?

Ok, so this happened around 6 months ago, but my boyfriend and his family still brings this up very often (most times in a mocking but joking way) and to them it seems obvious that I was, indeed, the asshole in this situation, but that they have forgiven me now and can laugh about it.
Ever since I was very little I have had emetophobia, during some periods so extreme that I was hospitalized because of s*icide attempts or that I refused to eat. As an adult, it has gotten better, but it is still a cause for anxiety and panic attacks, something that my boyfriend is very aware of and super supportive about. My boyfriend is kind of the golden retriever type, always happy and without much worries. He is usually very respectful in regards to my mental health issues, though.
We are doing long distance (him in Spain and me in Norway) and when this event occurred we were speaking on the phone the night before him traveling to visit me. He told me that he had just attended a family dinner, and that his grandma had called five minutes ago to say that the entire family had gotten some sort of stomach flu the night before (they forgot to say so during dinner). This of course triggered my anxiety, but I decided, in true CBT-spirit, that I could not possibly ask him to cancel his trip simply because of this. I told him, however, that if he felt any symptoms himself, I would happily pay for new tickets a few days later, not to risk anything. He works online, so no vacation would be wasted.
I woke up next morning to a text saying that he had boarded the plane, and that he had vomited all night but felt a bit better now. It shocked me, for many reasons, mainly wondering how on earth he could get on a plane in the middle of a stomach flu and how he did not care about all the other passengers. He responded by saying that “In Spain stomach flus aren’t considered such a big thing” and that they would be fine. I, on the other hand, was not fine. It took all of my strength to gather some focus in the middle of the panic attack, and I went to the supermarket and bought a weekend worth of food, prepared some easy-on-the-stomach dishes ready to microwave and wrote a lot of comforting notes. Then I left and stayed at my moms place for three full days.
I want to be super clear. IF he at any time would have gotten so sick that he needed real help, I would have gone back to my apartment and helped him. This I told him repeatedly, and I checked on him asking if I should drive by and drop more food, etc.
He, and his family, was very shocked by my behavior, and could not understand how I could be so selfish. In Spain, he argued, you would normally go to work/school/someone’s home the morning after vomiting all night, given that you felt ok enough, and it is us Scandinavians that are super sensitive and selfish. I ended up apologizing, and now it has become nothing more than an ongoing joke about me being a bad girlfriend. But… AITA?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now. We met in October of 2022 and were talking until we made it official in April of 2023. We met at our university in my hometown. Last summer we were LD for 3 months as he went back to his hometown or the summer. We he came back to campus in august of 2023 for the fall semester one day I was using his phone and I saw a message he sent to a girl from his HS. I know who this girl is because when we first started dating we had the ex conversation and he told me that he’s never had a real gf before (I’m his first gf) but that he was friends with a girl in HS (we’ll call her Rose) and that they messed around a bit and almost had sex a few times but never did. This girl is the closest thing he has to an ex. I saw that he texted her at the end of May. He texted her at 2:53am on a Wednesday saying “hey stranger” and she said “whats up wyd texting at 3am?” He said “what’s wrong with that I was just trying to see what you’ve been up to” she said “I’ve been good you?” And he said “I’ve been alright just haven’t heard from you in a minute” she said “what’s up though” and he said “nothing I was just trying to catch up since I’m back in town” she said “I figured😭 catch up how” and he said “what are you doing next week?” She said “what day next week?” And he said “idk like Wednesday” and she said “what’s happening?” And he said “nothing we could just hang out” and she said “if I don’t work I’m down” then he said “oh you still work at Walmart” and she said “nah” he said “oh word where you work at now” and she said “in my business” & he said “see you play too much” and she said “don’t worry ab all that” he said “ I’m not trying to be in your business I was just curious“ then She said “next what I be doing” he said “you’re acting like I’m a fan or something I’m just making conversation” and she said “I meant what have you been doing” and he said “shit I’ve been at school nothing different really” then she said, “so how are you mentally physically emotionally” and he said “ mentally pretty much the same as always and physically, you’re the judge of that and emotionally im the same as always” and she said “what do you mean im the judge of it? He said “do I look good or not thats the physical” and she said “ I didn’t mean it like that but that’s good also” then he replied with “😂😂😂” and then he said “how have you been physically emotionally mentally” and she said “like shit but I’ll be ok I’m gonna sleep though I’m tired” and he replied the next day saying “wdym like shit what happened” and she said “I don’t rlly want to talk ab it” he said “you sure” and she said “yes” then he replies a day later and says “alright best to you then” and she said “you too” This conversation happened over the course of 5 days (the response times were long). When I read this part of the conversation I thought it was weird that he was messaging her to hangout since we were in a full on relationship at this point and from what he had told me they weren’t really friends anymore and didn’t really talk aside from happy birthday texts. I knew this was true because their messages from before his “hey stranger” text to her on may 24th were very seldom and were just her texting him “hey stranger” like back in 2022 randomly and her sending him happy birthday for his birthday in November 2022 and him saying happy birthday back to her in April of 2023. So when I was reading the conversation up until this point I thought it was kind of weird that he messaged asking to hangout bc it seemed random and the fact that he texted her at 3am seemed like the stereotypical booty call time to text to me which made me kind of wonder if he was messaging her to try to hook up. I also thought it was weird how he tried to subtly ask her how she thought he looked physically when she asked him how he’s doing mentally physically and emotionally, almost as if he was trying to make it about physical appearance. I also didn’t like how when she asked him how he’s been doing he said “nothing different really” as if he didn’t just get into a whole relationship with me 2 months before this text conversation with her took place. It made me feel weird that he didn’t use that as an opportunity to say he has a gf now. But nothing up until this point in the conversation was overtly flirty or weird. But then I kept reading and saw that a week later on June 2nd he replied to her story of a selfie she posted and said “damn” and she said “what” and he said “you know what” and she said “I don’t” and he said “you’re looking good that’s what” and she said “thanks😂” then on June 3rd he replies to a selfie she posted on her story again and says “ I know I already said this but damn girl” and she never responded back. At this point I was like wtf bc it seems like he was obviously trying to flirt with her because he literally slid up on her selfies (I saw the posts bc she put them on her IG highlight from the days he replied to her story) saying damn. Those messages are what ultimately made me ask him why he messaged her and if he was trying to meet up with her while he was back in his hometown to fuck because him replying to her stories seemed like flirting to me. He told me that the reason he messaged her at 3am in the first place is because him and his friend (who also went to their HS and lives in his hometown) were on the game late into the night and were talking about getting together as a friend group and going downtown and riding scooters. He said they were talking about inviting rose since she was a part of their friend group so while he was in a PlayStation party with his friend he messaged her. I asked him if he was hitting her up to try to meet up and hook up with her while he was in his hometown and he said he had no he was honestly just messaging her because of what him and his friend were talking about and that when he asked her to hangout he was referring to the group hangout. He said when he slid up on her story he was just joking around with her the way they used to joke around and that Rose knows he’s not flirting with her since that’s always how they used to joke around. He admitted that since he’s in a relationship now he shouldn’t have been joking around with her in the same way he used to when he was single and said he’s sorry for that but insists that he was not trying to flirt with her or meet up with her one on one and had no intention of trying to have sex with her. I asked him why he didn’t say he has a gf when she asked how he’s been and he said he just wasn’t thinking about it and that he should’ve brought it up and apologized for that as well. I asked him many times on several different occasions from when he got back to our university in August until probably around December if he was just having a horny moment late at night when he texted her and to just be honest with me and I would understand. He insisted that he was not trying to be flirty with her and wasn’t texting her to try to meet up and fuck. He holds to same story every time I ask him about it. Now several months have gone by and there has been absolutely no communication between the two of them. He unfollowed her when this happened and removed her as a follower. However this incident has still stayed in my mind because deep down I feel like he was reaching out because he was trying to flirt and was trying to cheat. I feel like if he really was messaging her to hangout as a group with his friend and their other friends from HS he would’ve mentioned that in the texts. He said she knew that he was referring to hanging out as a whole group but I don’t understand how she’d know that if he didn’t bring it up specifically. But at the same time I don’t understand why he’d still lie to me about it at this point. Other than this one incident my boyfriend has always been loyal and says he’d never cheat. I believe him as he’s never given me any other signs that he would cheat. But I can’t help but feel like he’s not being honest with me about what his true intentions were in messaging Rose last summer. I was thinking of sending Rose a dm on IG asking her what her opinion was on why he was messaging her and what she thought his intentions were for texting her but I’m not sure if this is a good idea. Idk how she would react or if I should message her and ask this at all. I also was thinking of asking her to send him a dm flirting with him and asking him to meet up to test his loyalty and have her send me the screenshots of what he says. Do you think my boyfriend is telling the truth and I should just move forward since this was almost a year ago or do you think he’s lying to me about what his true intentions were in texting Rose and should I message her asking her what she thought he was doing by texting her?