It seems like she’s feeling insecure again. I keep my eyes shut tight, preparing myself for the song and dance I had been through so many times before. The weight of the bed shifts under me as she crawls under the blankets. A cold limb flops over my torso, wrapping me in a frigid embrace. I resist the urge to flinch as the moist, squishy mass of flesh presses into my forehead, a tickling droplet of fluid slides down my face and over my tightly pursed lips. Not daring to move, I waited patiently for the words I knew must come. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, a muffled teary voice sounds in a desperate tone:
“Do you...”
The voice falters, emitting several low-pitched, labored gurgles before continuing:
“Love me?”
Without hesitation I respond, as gently as could be managed:
“Of course I love you. But it’s time to go back to sleep now, okay?”
The gurgling continues, higher pitched now, like an excited baby. After a few moments the squishy mass detaches itself from my forehead, and the weight in the bed shifts. The gentle smacking of feet against hardwood floor, and a door quietly closing across the house resound in the otherwise silent room. Sitting up on the edge of the bed, I rock gently back and forth with my head in between my legs, resisting the tears that are fighting to escape. I allow a few moments of this pointless self-pity before forcing myself to stand up.
I walk down the hallway to the bathroom, not allowing my eyes to stray to the door to what used to be my room. A look in the mirror reveals that my forehead has already started breaking out in small orange pustules, along with a small streak of them where the fluid had dripped down my face. At least it didn't get in my mouth this time. That isn’t a panic I would like to revisit. I retrieve the small bottle of vinegar from the medicine cabinet and apply it to a cotton ball, beginning the tedious task of treating my face. A harsher acid would probably do a better job, but I prefer to avoid the stinging even if the pustules disappear more slowly. It’s not like I need to look handsome for anyone. It’s unlikely she can even really see me.
Once my skin is sufficiently covered in the stuff, I grab a bucket and mop, and clean the wet footprints from the hallway, and from the living room where my bed is located. Most of the wood flooring throughout the house is already somewhat corroded, but I’d prefer to keep my home intact to the extent that I am able. Although it’s up to anyone’s guess what manner of hellscape the bedroom must look like. I hadn’t been in that room in a long time. That was her domain now, and there was no reason for me to enter. No reason to take that risk.
I light the small gas cooktop in the kitchen and get to work making food for the day. Canned food is surprisingly appetizing when there’s nothing to do but eat. It would taste better with some seasoning, but there was no point in going through that much effort. This food serves one purpose, and that’s to keep us from starving. I slide one plate under the crack between the floor and the bedroom door and sit down in the living room with the other plate in hand.
The book on the coffee table catches my eye as it does every morning. Sighing, I pick up the ratty collection of pages and flip to a random one. One of the few books on the “Great Plague” as they call it, that was ever published, or at least, the only one I could ever find. Titled “The End” by Jared Kramer, It was more of a fanatical opinion piece than a proper informative book, but Kramer at least provided a bit of information on the virus, how the transformation works, and what methods could be used to, in his words, “Cure” the afflicted. A shotgun was noted as the best medicine, with gasoline and matches being a close second. Near the middle of the book, the portion that was coincidentally staring back at me from the pages, it turned into a near unintelligible ranting on the philosophy of consciousness. Apparently, Kramer had only just begun to consider whether blowing the afflicted’s brains out was a morally reasonable decision. He had never come across as a particularly intelligent guy in his writings, and my assumption was that he was simply the only person who wrote fast enough to get a book published before the plague became a worldwide epidemic. Towards the end of the book, Kramer does a 180 and states repeatedly that “Accepting the transformation is the only road to salvation”.
“Salvation... as if”
My words perish in the empty air, a death rattle of frustrated skepticism.
I had never quite understood what that actually meant. Salvation would be something like deliverance from harm, harm being the only thing that the plague brought to the world. The book thuds as I carelessly toss it back on the table. It's obvious that the author was in the process of transforming as he wrote the final passages, but they never ceased to bother me. Perhaps I'm just fixating on those words as a way of keeping my mind occupied.
There’s really no reason to focus on such pointless things.
--------------------
The following night my sleep was peaceful and uninterrupted. She usually shows up once a week, if not less frequently. After waking, the bathroom mirror reveals that the pustules ha subsided slightly, leaving my skin smooth, if not free of the noticeable blemishes. A subtle glint of light shines off of my head and my heart rate accelerates.
Surely not.
Surely it was a trick of the light.
I begin rifling through my matted hair furiously and there it is. A single, silver hair hanging in front of my forehead.
I guess this is it then.
She made sure I had sworn on everything under the sun. Her stupid goofy smile reflected in my memory.
“First grey hair and I’m outta here mister”
To think that a silly little joke between us had turned into this solemn responsibility. The steel of the revolver was cold in my palm. My eyes locked onto it, unsure of when it had made its way from the drawer of the coffee table into my hand, or for that matter, when I had entered the living room. The earth seemed to be rotating at impossible speeds. Everything was black except for the gun in my hand and the book on the coffee table. That goddamn book. One of the pages had begun to tear away from the others, no doubt a result of my less than careful treatment of the thing, and a single word seemed to assault my fragile psyche.
Salvation.
I get it now
My heartbeat slows marginally as the unravelling of this book that I’ve read so many times presented a welcome distraction. There had been nothing left for Kramer, or anyone else for that matter, in a world that was dying around them. His salvation was freedom from the great plague. His call to “accept” the transformation, was not the same as giving in to it. After all, hadn’t he expressed over and over again exactly how to “find release” as he called it, from the infection.
Kramer, unlike me, had accepted that there was no life in transformation, no being, no humanity, and no way back. His moral dilemma had come to a close, likely with a bullet in his brain.
A reluctant chuckle rose through my chest and escaped my throat. It didn’t sound like me. It was twisted, choked, and raspy. She had always known hadn’t she, that I would stay in this house with her. That’s why she had forced me to swear up and down on something as silly and inevitable as a grey hair, before locking herself in that room five years ago. Knowing her, it had all been for my own good, a way for her to look out for me even after she was long gone.
The creak of the door was like nails on a chalkboard. I laid my eyes for the first time in years on my wife, or at least, what was left of her. I had seen the afflicted before, but seeing her in this state brought a blockage to my throat that nothing could have prepared me for. Her head had been obscured by the typical growth, characteristic of the great plague, A mass wider than her torso which was completely wrapped around her head, the loose flesh sagging down onto her shoulders. Large orange boils were dotted across this mass, as well as glistening, concave pits, where those boils had burst and left scars. The thick external vein structure wrapped around it was partially translucent, providing a window to the tar-like substance flowing slowly throughout. The worst thing, however, the thing that forced my tears out of my eyes and onto the corroded floor, was her body. Her clothes had long since disintegrated, leaving a sight that was fundamentally identical to what I remembered, with one exception. The excess weight of the mass upon her shoulder had atrophied her spine, which had crumpled, leaving her torso contorted in a grotesque fashion, the flesh and muscle folding in upon itself in places.
I had let this happen. I had as good as desecrated my wife’s corpse by leaving her in this state, by convincing myself that a cure would be found for a plague that had long-since been eradicated by other means. I did this.
My hands move as though without instruction from my brain, raising the revolver to my eye-level, pointing at the place where my wife’s head was concealed amid that horrid mass of flesh.
Her head tilted upwards slightly, as if she was looking at me with eyes that had been long-since obscured. That muffled, teary voice sounded out from amidst the heap weighing on her shoulders. Despite myself hesitated for just a moment, savoring the shadow of a voice that I would never hear again.
“Do you love me?”

It seems like she’s feeling insecure again. I keep my eyes shut tight, preparing myself for the song and dance I had been through so many times before. The weight of the bed shifts under me as she crawls under the blankets. A cold limb flops over my torso, wrapping me in a frigid embrace. I resist the urge to flinch as the moist, squishy mass of flesh presses into my forehead, a tickling droplet of fluid slides down my face and over my tightly pursed lips. Not daring to move, I waited patiently for the words I knew must come. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, a muffled teary voice sounds in a desperate tone:
“Do you...”
The voice falters, emitting several low-pitched, labored gurgles before continuing:
“Love me?”
Without hesitation I respond, as gently as could be managed:
“Of course I love you. But it’s time to go back to sleep now, okay?”
The gurgling continues, higher pitched now, like an excited baby. After a few moments the squishy mass detaches itself from my forehead, and the weight in the bed shifts. The gentle smacking of feet against hardwood floor, and a door quietly closing across the house resound in the otherwise silent room. Sitting up on the edge of the bed, I rock gently back and forth with my head in between my legs, resisting the tears that are fighting to escape. I allow a few moments of this pointless self-pity before forcing myself to stand up.
I walk down the hallway to the bathroom, not allowing my eyes to stray to the door to what used to be my room. A look in the mirror reveals that my forehead has already started breaking out in small orange pustules, along with a small streak of them where the fluid had dripped down my face. At least it didn't get in my mouth this time. That isn’t a panic I would like to revisit. I retrieve the small bottle of vinegar from the medicine cabinet and apply it to a cotton ball, beginning the tedious task of treating my face. A harsher acid would probably do a better job, but I prefer to avoid the stinging even if the pustules disappear more slowly. It’s not like I need to look handsome for anyone. It’s unlikely she can even really see me.
Once my skin is sufficiently covered in the stuff, I grab a bucket and mop, and clean the wet footprints from the hallway, and from the living room where my bed is located. Most of the wood flooring throughout the house is already somewhat corroded, but I’d prefer to keep my home intact to the extent that I am able. Although it’s up to anyone’s guess what manner of hellscape the bedroom must look like. I hadn’t been in that room in a long time. That was her domain now, and there was no reason for me to enter. No reason to take that risk.
I light the small gas cooktop in the kitchen and get to work making food for the day. Canned food is surprisingly appetizing when there’s nothing to do but eat. It would taste better with some seasoning, but there was no point in going through that much effort. This food serves one purpose, and that’s to keep us from starving. I slide one plate under the crack between the floor and the bedroom door and sit down in the living room with the other plate in hand.
The book on the coffee table catches my eye as it does every morning. Sighing, I pick up the ratty collection of pages and flip to a random one. One of the few books on the “Great Plague” as they call it, that was ever published, or at least, the only one I could ever find. Titled “The End” by Jared Kramer, It was more of a fanatical opinion piece than a proper informative book, but Kramer at least provided a bit of information on the virus, how the transformation works, and what methods could be used to, in his words, “Cure” the afflicted. A shotgun was noted as the best medicine, with gasoline and matches being a close second. Near the middle of the book, the portion that was coincidentally staring back at me from the pages, it turned into a near unintelligible ranting on the philosophy of consciousness. Apparently, Kramer had only just begun to consider whether blowing the afflicted’s brains out was a morally reasonable decision. He had never come across as a particularly intelligent guy in his writings, and my assumption was that he was simply the only person who wrote fast enough to get a book published before the plague became a worldwide epidemic. Towards the end of the book, Kramer does a 180 and states repeatedly that “Accepting the transformation is the only road to salvation”.
“Salvation... as if”
My words perish in the empty air, a death rattle of frustrated skepticism.
I had never quite understood what that actually meant. Salvation would be something like deliverance from harm, harm being the only thing that the plague brought to the world. The book thuds as I carelessly toss it back on the table. It's obvious that the author was in the process of transforming as he wrote the final passages, but they never ceased to bother me. Perhaps I'm just fixating on those words as a way of keeping my mind occupied.
There’s really no reason to focus on such pointless things.
--------------------
The following night my sleep was peaceful and uninterrupted. She usually shows up once a week, if not less frequently. After waking, the bathroom mirror reveals that the pustules ha subsided slightly, leaving my skin smooth, if not free of the noticeable blemishes. A subtle glint of light shines off of my head and my heart rate accelerates.
Surely not.
Surely it was a trick of the light.
I begin rifling through my matted hair furiously and there it is. A single, silver hair hanging in front of my forehead.
I guess this is it then.
She made sure I had sworn on everything under the sun. Her stupid goofy smile reflected in my memory.
“First grey hair and I’m outta here mister”
To think that a silly little joke between us had turned into this solemn responsibility. The steel of the revolver was cold in my palm. My eyes locked onto it, unsure of when it had made its way from the drawer of the coffee table into my hand, or for that matter, when I had entered the living room. The earth seemed to be rotating at impossible speeds. Everything was black except for the gun in my hand and the book on the coffee table. That goddamn book. One of the pages had begun to tear away from the others, no doubt a result of my less than careful treatment of the thing, and a single word seemed to assault my fragile psyche.
Salvation.
I get it now
My heartbeat slows marginally as the unravelling of this book that I’ve read so many times presented a welcome distraction. There had been nothing left for Kramer, or anyone else for that matter, in a world that was dying around them. His salvation was freedom from the great plague. His call to “accept” the transformation, was not the same as giving in to it. After all, hadn’t he expressed over and over again exactly how to “find release” as he called it, from the infection.
Kramer, unlike me, had accepted that there was no life in transformation, no being, no humanity, and no way back. His moral dilemma had come to a close, likely with a bullet in his brain.
A reluctant chuckle rose through my chest and escaped my throat. It didn’t sound like me. It was twisted, choked, and raspy. She had always known hadn’t she, that I would stay in this house with her. That’s why she had forced me to swear up and down on something as silly and inevitable as a grey hair, before locking herself in that room five years ago. Knowing her, it had all been for my own good, a way for her to look out for me even after she was long gone.
The creak of the door was like nails on a chalkboard. I laid my eyes for the first time in years on my wife, or at least, what was left of her. I had seen the afflicted before, but seeing her in this state brought a blockage to my throat that nothing could have prepared me for. Her head had been obscured by the typical growth, characteristic of the great plague, A mass wider than her torso which was completely wrapped around her head, the loose flesh sagging down onto her shoulders. Large orange boils were dotted across this mass, as well as glistening, concave pits, where those boils had burst and left scars. The thick external vein structure wrapped around it was partially translucent, providing a window to the tar-like substance flowing slowly throughout. The worst thing, however, the thing that forced my tears out of my eyes and onto the corroded floor, was her body. Her clothes had long since disintegrated, leaving a sight that was fundamentally identical to what I remembered, with one exception. The excess weight of the mass upon her shoulder had atrophied her spine, which had crumpled, leaving her torso contorted in a grotesque fashion, the flesh and muscle folding in upon itself in places.
I had let this happen. I had as good as desecrated my wife’s corpse by leaving her in this state, by convincing myself that a cure would be found for a plague that had long-since been eradicated by other means. I did this.
My hands move as though without instruction from my brain, raising the revolver to my eye-level, pointing at the place where my wife’s head was concealed amid that horrid mass of flesh.
Her head tilted upwards slightly, as if she was looking at me with eyes that had been long-since obscured. That muffled, teary voice sounded out from amidst the heap weighing on her shoulders. Despite myself hesitated for just a moment, savoring the shadow of a voice that I would never hear again.
“Do you love me?”

My associate F (20's) is 'friends' with M (20's). However, from my perspective his behaviour has been concerning and/or odd from the day she met him. My associate met him through her situationship (X). He M (20's) was a close friend of X.
X and her were seeing each other, but weren't in an exclusive relationship. M 20's, let's call him Y, began hitting on her and/or making passes at her behind X's back F (20's), let's call her Z, told X about the above because she didn't like it. Y stopped for a time. However, Z mentioned that Y was behaving in a manner that seemed like he has romantic interest in her even after the above.
Y and Z became quite close at some point as friends. He seemed to want and/or need access to her via call and/or in-person multiple times a day (sun up until sun down). Z informed me that Y often didn't want X to know that he's hanging out with her, and often looked guilty when she exposed him to X via video call. He often came to her house, invited her over and/or to sleep over, go out with her, called her multiple times a day, and would often tell her to 'come home' to his house.
Z also informed me he was quite touchy with her ie., hanging his shoulders over her, playfighting, touching her hair etc. Z told Y to limit and/or stop that behaviour multiple times but he wouldn't listen. I witnessed this when we all hung out before, and she got quite drunk.
He rarely took no for an answer regarding outings, paid for all her meals, sent Ubers to pick her up, if she didn't want and/or couldn't come to his house. Y would even show up at the house too regarding the above. The above concerned me, but I don't know whether or not this behaviour is normal for close adult male- female friendships.
He even confessed and/or indicated multiple times that he likes her. However, Z informed him multiple times that she doesn't feel that way about him. Y mentions every once in awhile how she should just pick him (romantically). Z considers Y her best friend atm. In the past she would call him controlling and/or domineering. On outings he would often limit alone time between her and X ie., preventing her from sitting beside X, limiting alone time between X and Z.
I'm curious whether Z's behaviour and/or lack of boundaries has encouraged him to continue to persue her romantically on the sly. Z is actively dating and/or talking to other man (romantically). Y is persuing a women in a relationship atm, while still engaging in the aforementioned behaviours with Z. Although Z has re-enforced boundaries with Y.

1. Z often gives Y access to her 24/7 either through call and/or in-person
2. Z doesn't like to be alone, and always needs to be talking and/or around someone. Y is usually available and/or intitates himself ie., during work hours and/or after.
3. Z calls him if she's emotionally distressed, and he is her go-to shoulder to cry on.
4. She has female and/or alt friends.
5. Z told Y never to keep anything from her. ** Y didn't inform her that X was married. However, it turns out he found out about it a little while after meeting her. Z found out months later.
6. Z gets offended if Y hangs out without her, and/or without her n' his roomies (who she now associates with). **Her relationship with them is weird/complicated.

Z can do as she pleases. However, I'm curious whether this is indicative of a standard close male- female frienship or something else? Z is new to these types of frienships too.
TL;DR - I'd like to understand whether or not this is a normal and/or healthy friendship between a man and women. Male friend appears to be making romantic gestures/passes at associate F20's even after being rejected multiple times. Male friend appears to go after women he can't have and/or in relationships.

Hello 👋🏽
Pls be kind in the comments. I’ll list down my monthly expenses. Please help me figure out something..

• I get 11000 salary 💵
• I send 700ish to my Papa 👴🏻
• My rent is 2800 🏡
• If I eat rice 🌾 I’ll spend around 1000 for my food including 4 random high class meals.
• I have PCOS related issues like hair fall that I wanna do PRP treatment for another 1000 that can be paid with 4 installments 💉
• I wanna save upto 50k and start a business and do an eye surgery. إن شاء الله يارب 🤲🏽

At the moment I have no money in the bank and eating with a service that allows me to pay later. Trying to sell stuff on the internet to find more money but it’s not working 💔
You might ask how you even get to this point..
My heart got warmed up so much and helped a person with all I had 👋🏽😭

My associate F (20's) is 'friends' with M (20's). However, from my perspective his behaviour has been concerning and/or odd from the day she met him. My associate met him through her situationship (X). He M (20's) was a close friend of X.
X and her were seeing each other, but weren't in an exclusive relationship. M 20's, let's call him Y, began hitting on her and/or making passes at her behind X's back F (20's), let's call her Z, told X about the above because she didn't like it. Y stopped for a time. However, Z mentioned that Y was behaving in a manner that seemed like he has romantic interest in her even after the above.
Y and Z became quite close at some point as friends. He seemed to want and/or need access to her via call and/or in-person multiple times a day (sun up until sun down). Z informed me that Y often didn't want X to know that he's hanging out with her, and often looked guilty when she exposed him to X via video call. He often came to her house, invited her over and/or to sleep over, go out with her, called her multiple times a day, and would often tell her to 'come home' to his house.
Z also informed me he was quite touchy with her ie., hanging his shoulders over her, playfighting, touching her hair etc. Z told Y to limit and/or stop that behaviour multiple times but he wouldn't listen. I witnessed this when we all hung out before, and she got quite drunk.
He rarely took no for an answer regarding outings, paid for all her meals, sent Ubers to pick her up, if she didn't want and/or couldn't come to his house. Y would even show up at the house too regarding the above. The above concerned me, but I don't know whether or not this behaviour is normal for close adult male- female friendships.
He even confessed and/or indicated multiple times that he likes her. However, Z informed him multiple times that she doesn't feel that way about him. Y mentions every once in awhile how she should just pick him (romantically). Z considers Y her best friend atm. In the past she would call him controlling and/or domineering. On outings he would often limit alone time between her and X ie., preventing her from sitting beside X, limiting alone time between X and Z.
I'm curious whether Z's behaviour and/or lack of boundaries has encouraged him to continue to persue her romantically on the sly. Z is actively dating and/or talking to other man (romantically). Y is persuing a women in a relationship atm, while still engaging in the aforementioned behaviours with Z. Although Z has re-enforced boundaries with Y.

1. Z often gives Y access to her 24/7 either through call and/or in-person
2. Z doesn't like to be alone, and always needs to be talking and/or around someone. Y is usually available and/or intitates himself ie., during work hours and/or after.
3. Z calls him if she's emotionally distressed, and he is her go-to shoulder to cry on.
4. She has female and/or alt friends.
5. Z told Y never to keep anything from her. ** Y didn't inform her that X was married. However, it turns out he found out about it a little while after meeting her. Z found out months later.
6. Z gets offended if Y hangs out without her, and/or without her n' his roomies (who she now associates with). **Her relationship with them is weird/complicated.

Z can do as she pleases. However, I'm curious whether this is indicative of a standard close male- female frienship or something else? Z is new to these types of frienships too.
TL;DR - I'd like to understand whether or not this is a normal and/or healthy friendship between a man and women. Male friend appears to be making romantic gestures/passes at associate F20's even after being rejected multiple times. Male friend appears to go after women he can't have and/or in relationships.

My associate F (20's) is 'friends' with M (20's). However, from my perspective his behaviour has been concerning and/or odd from the day she met him. My associate met him through her situationship (X). He M (20's) was a close friend of X.
X and her were seeing each other, but weren't in an exclusive relationship. M 20's, let's call him Y, began hitting on her and/or making passes at her behind X's back F (20's), let's call her Z, told X about the above because she didn't like it. Y stopped for a time. However, Z mentioned that Y was behaving in a manner that seemed like he has romantic interest in her even after the above.
Y and Z became quite close at some point as friends. He seemed to want and/or need access to her via call and/or in-person multiple times a day (sun up until sun down). Z informed me that Y often didn't want X to know that he's hanging out with her, and often looked guilty when she exposed him to X via video call. He often came to her house, invited her over and/or to sleep over, go out with her, called her multiple times a day, and would often tell her to 'come home' to his house.
Z also informed me he was quite touchy with her ie., hanging his shoulders over her, playfighting, touching her hair etc. Z told Y to limit and/or stop that behaviour multiple times but he wouldn't listen. I witnessed this when we all hung out before, and she got quite drunk.
He rarely took no for an answer regarding outings, paid for all her meals, sent Ubers to pick her up, if she didn't want and/or couldn't come to his house. Y would even show up at the house too regarding the above. The above concerned me, but I don't know whether or not this behaviour is normal for close adult male- female friendships.
He even confessed and/or indicated multiple times that he likes her. However, Z informed him multiple times that she doesn't feel that way about him. Y mentions every once in awhile how she should just pick him (romantically). Z considers Y her best friend atm. In the past she would call him controlling and/or domineering. On outings he would often limit alone time between her and X ie., preventing her from sitting beside X, limiting alone time between X and Z.
I'm curious whether Z's behaviour and/or lack of boundaries has encouraged him to continue to persue her romantically on the sly. Z is actively dating and/or talking to other man (romantically). Y is persuing a women in a relationship atm, while still engaging in the aforementioned behaviours with Z. Although Z has re-enforced boundaries with Y.

1. Z often gives Y access to her 24/7 either through call and/or in-person
2. Z doesn't like to be alone, and always needs to be talking and/or around someone. Y is usually available and/or intitates himself ie., during work hours and/or after.
3. Z calls him if she's emotionally distressed, and he is her go-to shoulder to cry on.
4. She has female and/or alt friends.
5. Z told Y never to keep anything from her. ** Y didn't inform her that X was married. However, it turns out he found out about it a little while after meeting her. Z found out months later.
6. Z gets offended if Y hangs out without her, and/or without her n' his roomies (who she now associates with). **Her relationship with them is weird/complicated.

Z can do as she pleases. However, I'm curious whether this is indicative of a standard close male- female friendship or something else? His gestures seem to be equivalent to a boyfriend than a BFF. However, idk. Z is new to these types of friendships too.
TL;DR - I'd like to understand whether or not this is a normal and/or healthy friendship between a man and women. Male friend appears to be making romantic gestures/passes at associate F20's even after being rejected multiple times. Male friend appears to go after women he can't have and/or in relationships.

Hey there! I am a 30 year old guy from Upstate New York looking for someone that wants to make an emotional connection, and would like to put efforts into conversations.
A bit about me: I'm 6’1". I get height can be a big deal for some women so I think it's best to just put it out there first 😅 I've got black hair, brownish black eyes. Average body, I'm muscular and wanting to start exercising both for health and a little bit for better shape. I like to think I'm fairly attractive but then most of us grew up with a relative always telling us we were not handsome or cute, etc. we can share pictures once we establish some comfort zone. If education is important, I am a college graduate with post-graduation degree as well. Now working as an engineer.
I have to lead with the fact that I can be pretty sarcastic at times. I also joke and (playfully) tease. I'm pretty easy going/chill and I like to keep things light and fun, but also enjoy getting into the really deep conversations as well. I'm a sucker for the whole good morning and goodnight text thing as well as checking in on those busier days. That doesn’t mean we have to just message good morning and good night for the whole week. Haha. I think most important part of knowing someone via online platform is initial conversations and if you don’t have enough time let me know otherwise that conversation is dead in no time.
I love animals. I've always felt very connected and attached to them and just enjoy interacting with them. While I am more of a dog person pet-wise, cats are still pretty cool in my book. Cats are more complex though I love the mysterious nature.
Anything outdoors is great in my opinion. Just feel like going for a walk? Let's do it. I do kayaking a bit in the summers, fish, hike, go for drives. I have the habit of occasionally stopping and taking pictures of plants and flowers I see around (I'm always down to share!). While sending me message write code - “I3U” so that I know it’s someone who actually read my post. Didn’t write in the end cuz some people might just skip to end. This doesn’t mean that you just send me the code. I am strictly gonna monitor now. I have skimmed through soo many texts and my innocent heart always gives chances, I am gonna try to be little strict this time.
It's not just the outdoors I love. I can also get down with chill days at home binging something on Netflix or playing something on my PC. Let's face it, I'm a bit if a nerd (everyone has something nerd about themselves) and if you like Jurassic park, board games, Any Mafia movies, gaming, etc we will get along great. I'm a sucker for horror movies as well and am always looking for recommendations. I listen to a lot of music. I shouldn’t brag but I listen to english ,german, Spanish, french and Hindi songs. Born and brought up in India. Hence, hindi songs.
A bit about (possibly) you: I'd prefer if you were in some sort of professional environment and ambitious. I'm not extremely picky about things like hair and eye color. Height is also not a big deal. If you're alot smaller than me and worried that it's something you’ll be insecure about, it's not. The big thing for me is personality. I think personality can make us a lot more or a lot less attractive. I want someone that is genuinely kind and sweet, someone that likes to laugh, someone that's not afraid to be goofy.
A final note: I'm a single guy and looking for someone dynamic. Sometimes I can respond immediately and sometimes it takes a minute due to the obvious circumstances. I also don't expect you to respond immediately to every message, I get that we all have lives and can be busy at times. It would be awesome if you are up for a voice chat. And please please when responding write something about yourself.
If any if this sounds remotely interesting to you, feel free to reach out via reddit dm or chat!

Hey there! I am a 30 year old guy from Upstate New York looking for someone that wants to make an emotional connection.
A bit about me: I'm 6’1". I get height can be a big deal for some women so I think it's best to just put it out there first 😅 I've got black hair, brownish black eyes. Average body, I'm muscular and wanting to start exercising both for health and a little bit for better shape. I like to think I'm fairly attractive but then most of us grew up with a relative always telling us we were not handsome or cute, etc. we can share pictures once we establish some comfort zone. If education is important, I am a college graduate with post-graduation degree as well. Now working as an engineer.
I have to lead with the fact that I can be pretty sarcastic at times. I also joke and (playfully) tease. I'm pretty easy going/chill and I like to keep things light and fun, but also enjoy getting into the really deep conversations as well. I'm a sucker for the whole good morning and goodnight text thing as well as checking in on those busier days. That doesn’t mean we have to just message good morning and good night for the whole week. Haha. I think most important part of knowing someone via online platform is initial conversations and if you don’t have enough time let me know otherwise that conversation is dead in no time.
I love animals. I've always felt very connected and attached to them and just enjoy interacting with them. While I am more of a dog person pet-wise, cats are still pretty cool in my book. Cats are more complex though I love the mysterious nature.
Anything outdoors is great in my opinion. Just feel like going for a walk? Let's do it. I do kayaking a bit in the summers, fish, hike, go for drives. I have the habit of occasionally stopping and taking pictures of plants and flowers I see around (I'm always down to share!). While sending me message write code - “I4U” so that I know it’s someone who actually read my post. Didn’t write in the end cuz some people might just skip to end. This doesn’t mean that you just send me the code. I am strictly gonna monitor now. I have skimmed through soo many texts and my innocent heart always gives chances, I am gonna try to be little strict this time.
It's not just the outdoors I love. I can also get down with chill days at home binging something on Netflix or playing something on my PC. Let's face it, I'm a bit if a nerd (everyone has something nerd about themselves) and if you like Jurassic park, board games, Any Mafia movies, gaming, etc we will get along great. I'm a sucker for horror movies as well and am always looking for recommendations. I listen to a lot of music. I shouldn’t brag but I listen to english ,german, Spanish, french and Hindi songs. Born and brought up in India. Hence, hindi songs.
A bit about (possibly) you: I'd prefer if you were in some sort of professional environment and ambitious. I'm not extremely picky about things like hair and eye color. Height is also not a big deal. If you're alot smaller than me and worried that it's something you’ll be insecure about, it's not. The big thing for me is personality. I think personality can make us a lot more or a lot less attractive. I want someone that is genuinely kind and sweet, someone that likes to laugh, someone that's not afraid to be goofy.
A final note: I'm a single guy and looking for someone dynamic. Sometimes I can respond immediately and sometimes it takes a minute due to the obvious circumstances. I also don't expect you to respond immediately to every message, I get that we all have lives and can be busy at times. It would be awesome if you are up for a voice chat. And please when responding write something about yourself.
If any if this sounds remotely interesting to you, feel free to reach out via reddit dm or chat!

Hey there! I am a 30 year old guy from Upstate New York looking for someone that wants to make an emotional connection.
A bit about me: I'm 6’1". I get height can be a big deal for some women so I think it's best to just put it out there first 😅 I've got black hair, brownish black eyes. Average body, I'm muscular and wanting to start exercising both for health and a little bit for better shape. I like to think I'm fairly attractive but then most of us grew up with a relative always telling us we were not handsome or cute, etc. we can share pictures once we establish some comfort zone. If education is important, I am a college graduate with post-graduation degree as well. Now working as an engineer.
I have to lead with the fact that I can be pretty sarcastic at times. I also joke and (playfully) tease. I'm pretty easy going/chill and I like to keep things light and fun, but also enjoy getting into the really deep conversations as well. I'm a sucker for the whole good morning and goodnight text thing as well as checking in on those busier days. That doesn’t mean we have to just message good morning and good night for the whole week. Haha. I think most important part of knowing someone via online platform is initial conversations and if you don’t have enough time let me know otherwise that conversation is dead in no time.
I love animals. I've always felt very connected and attached to them and just enjoy interacting with them. While I am more of a dog person pet-wise, cats are still pretty cool in my book. Cats are more complex though I love the mysterious nature.
Anything outdoors is great in my opinion. Just feel like going for a walk? Let's do it. I do kayaking a bit in the summers, fish, hike, go for drives. I have the habit of occasionally stopping and taking pictures of plants and flowers I see around (I'm always down to share!). While sending me message write code - “I2U” so that I know it’s someone who actually read my post. Didn’t write in the end cuz some people might just skip to end. This doesn’t mean that you just send me the code. I am strictly gonna monitor now. I have skimmed through soo many texts and my innocent heart always gives chances, I am gonna try to be little strict this time.
It's not just the outdoors I love. I can also get down with chill days at home binging something on Netflix or playing something on my PC. Let's face it, I'm a bit if a nerd (everyone has something nerd about themselves) and if you like Jurassic park, board games, Any Mafia movies, gaming, etc we will get along great. I'm a sucker for horror movies as well and am always looking for recommendations. I listen to a lot of music. I shouldn’t brag but I listen to english ,german, Spanish, french and Hindi songs. Born and brought up in India. Hence, hindi songs.
A bit about (possibly) you: I'd prefer if you were in some sort of professional environment and ambitious. I'm not extremely picky about things like hair and eye color. Height is also not a big deal. If you're alot smaller than me and worried that it's something you’ll be insecure about, it's not. The big thing for me is personality. I think personality can make us a lot more or a lot less attractive. I want someone that is genuinely kind and sweet, someone that likes to laugh, someone that's not afraid to be goofy.
A final note: I'm a single guy and looking for someone dynamic. Sometimes I can respond immediately and sometimes it takes a minute due to the obvious circumstances. I also don't expect you to respond immediately to every message, I get that we all have lives and can be busy at times. It would be awesome if you are up for a voice chat. And please when responding write something about yourself.
If any if this sounds remotely interesting to you, feel free to reach out via reddit dm or chat!

After I discovered my husband’s affair, his affair partner LOST IT when he “broke up” with her the next day. She launched a series of emotional attacks on me, including having her friends DM my Facebook friends list including my relatives, coworkers, etc to humiliate me. She had her mother call me on the phone and scream at me and insult me. She hired an attorney and lied in court documents that she filed against me (attempted a restraining order against me) saying I was stalking her. (I have never laid eyes on her in person, I have only seen her in the naked pornographic videos of herself she sent to my husband that I found.) If the judge had actually believed her lies, it would have jeopardized my career and employability to have that on my record, which was terrifying when I was faced with getting divorced and having to fully support myself (one income household is rough these days as we all know).
She inflicted so much additional stress and damage onto me during the lowest, most traumatic and unstable time of my life. I was blindsided by my DDay and it destroyed me in so many ways. Dealing with her craziness and emotional attacks on top of everything nearly broke me. I do believe she was trying to get me to hurt myself. I definitely considered it.
I know she is a mentally ill woman. I mean, she was performing oral sex on her married coworker directly beside of a dumpster for months while engaged. She is diagnosed bipolar. Suffers from anorexia. Serially cheated on her fiancé with more guys than just my husband. I guess I just don’t understand why she came after ME so hard. She tried to ruin and destroy my marriage. She initiated the affair. I’ve read it all, where he initially turned her down several times and she escalated and started sexting him and pressuring him to meet up and then she gave him oral sex the first time they ever met up.
But Why did she hate me so much? Why did she try to ruin my life even more after my husband ended their affair? I just don’t understand how a person I never met in my life could purposely cause so much harm to me. He broke up with her and she came after ME?
My husband said she used to “stalk” my instagram and make comments to him about anything I posted such as if I posted where we went out to dinner or if we took our dog to the park or went on a vacation, etc. And she would complain how jealous she was. But how is any of that my fault??? She knew him for 10 months before she seduced him for fun. She chose to seduce a married man. I had nothing to do with her choice. Like; what the heck did I do to deserve a complete stranger I’ve never met to try to destroy everything I’ve worked for in my life (my career, my marriage, my financial situation, my home, my safety). What motivates these “other women” to think they are entitled to swoop in and “steal” someone else’s husband and lifestyle?
Anyway, I do realize this post is very blaming of the AP and not so much of my husband. Trust me when I say I very much blame him and hold him responsible for his choice and willingness to continually betray me. This post is more about after discovery. After discovery, this woman acted like SHE was the victim and I was the bad guy. It made no sense. Whereas,After Dday, my husband has completely done everything humanly possible to try to heal himself and repair our marriage including impatient treatment for pornography addiction, weekly individual therapy, weekly group therapy, etc. He never blamed me. He took full accountability and continues to do so.
We are 2 years post DDay and I still find myself wondering why his affair partner came after me so hard. I know he never said he was going to leave me. So I don’t know why she got so mad when he broke up with her. Was she delusional and expected him to leave his wife and life partner of 13 years for her when she was giving him oral sex beside a dumpster while engaged and while also dating other men?. (We have done a full therapeutic disclosure as well as multiple polygraph tests so I know my husband never told her he was going to leave me. In fact, he told her he was NOT planning to leave me ever.)

I have had two hair transplant consultations done, one clinic quoted me as needing 2500 FUE grafts to fill-in the frontal area of my scalp which has been thinning.
The other clinic said that my current density is actually too high, and they would not even be able to do any grafts without damaging the existing hair. And they advised PRP/finasteride treatment instead.
Question: Who is correct?
PS. I have been on rogain for 1 year with some modest improvement.
https://preview.redd.it/jqjjefbebo0d1.jpg?width=1808&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f708572b485f395c659a3bbcc3e8a520665af30c

Originally chronicled here.
I am not the OOP. OOP is u/Lost_Beginning_2824
This was originally posted in TrueOffMyChest
2 updates
(recovered via pushpull)
Original post - February 6th, 2024
1st Update - February 28th, 2024
2nd Update - March 8th, 2024
Trigger warning: mention of domestic violence situation
I’m married to a woman who acts like a teenage girl – February 6th, 2024
My wife behaves like a teenage girl and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
This is just a rant. Curious to know how many full grown adults behave the way my wife does. I’d say out of all of the adult women I know, like friends, relatives, wives of my friends, none of them behave this way unless they keep it a closely guarded secret.
Editing right here to add that my wife is in her 30s, for context.
My wife is always obsessed with somebody, a man or sometimes multiple men at one time. Usually there is one or two main focuses at a time. When I talk obsessed I mean obsessed like a teenage girl or maybe even preteen girl would be. I’ve seen pictures of her bedroom when she was that age and they were literally wallpapers in posters of her favorite guys. That’s totally normal for a 13 year old girl. She still behaves that way as a woman in her 30s. Granted, our bedroom walls aren’t wallpapered in posters but they probably would be if I allowed it.
Her obsessions have ranged from rock stars, actors, non-entertainment industry public figures. It’s like one day she hasn’t even heard of the guy in question and the next day she’s super fan #1 and knows just about everything there is to know about him. She will read and watch everything there is to watch about the man. She will bring him up in every conversation. She will adopt parts of him into her own personality. She will suggest things that make it clear to me that she wants me to adopt characteristics of these men as part of my appearance or personality. She will openly admit to me that she’s masturbated over the guy multiple times in one day.
When she finds a new man to obsess over, she puts the others in her little stable of men who she always has a place for in her heart and in her fantasies, so they never really go away. The new man just takes center stage and becomes the main focus of almost her entire life.
So the current obsession is so strange to me. Never saw this one coming, but leave it to her to always find somebody new to fall in love with. The intensity that she has during these periods - it’s honestly like she falls in love with these men.
I’m laughing so hard just typing this all. Her current obsession is Bret Hart, former pro wrestler. This woman had never watched wrestling before in her life. Always thought that stuff was below her. And now she’s obsessed with this former pro-wrestler. She watched one show about him, for reasons I’m not aware of, and I could tell almost instantly where it was headed. I thought “here we go…” So now the Bret Hart obsession is in full swing. Has she already dropped close to $1000 in vintage Bret Hart shirts on eBay? Of course. Bought all the stickers and magnets and all sorts of other stupid crap she can find? Yep. Does she send me Bret Hart YouTube clips all.day.long when she’s supposed to be working? Yes she does.
So, I better get to work brushing up on my Bret Hart knowledge and tag lines. This is the key to getting laid when it comes to her. I’m used to this by now. It’s just not something that I can easily explain to anyone I know.
I mean, there’s are things I’m a fan of, but she is next level. I can’t think of anyone I know who is her age and acts like this. She was voted most likely to grow up and become a groupie when she was in high school, so this is absolutely nothing new for her. Sigh.
Many are lighthearted in the comments
plastic_Schedule_891
I mean he's the best there is, was and ever will be so that one makes sense at least .
You don’t think I’m hearing that 10 times a day now?
I better start planning that trip to Calgary.
Limerence is mentioned
poopchutethemoon
Yeah my bouts of limerence have been with people I’ve dated but reading that made me realize that I was very much being obsessive and it was totally all consuming. Glad it’s over honestly. Those feelings are exhausting.
Very interesting to hear you say the feelings are exhausting. It’s like a full time job for my wife, so I could see that. She told me she’s at work with her door closed pretending to be working, but she’s really watching Bret Hart videos on YouTube. She can’t even focus on her job.
OOP reveals more of the life he’s signed up for in the comments
get-bread-not-head
You've pretended to act like other men for 20 years?!
Damn dude, I hope you're finding ways to accept it and cope. That sounds rough, having to be someone else to have sex... stay strong king
Nah, I just learn their catchphrases or gain some deep fan knowledge that’ll impress her or maybe perfect a vocal impersonation of them that I can drop at the opportune time. The vocal impersonations work the best as far as making her like me and being like “ok, wanna have sex now?”
another_canoe
But what do you guys actually share *together*? That's not related to the obsession of the season? (I'm not going to even bother asking if she's tried to learn about any of your hobbies/interests).
NGL, this is all pretty grim to me, my man....and I'm someone who loves having a partner who is passionate about things and nerds out.
I fear that you've spent so long with her infatuations steamrolling over your own interests and preferences that you have convinced yourself that getting attention-by-proxy as your main source of validation from your SPOUSE is a healthy way to live.
If I told you that I was big into anime and Japanese RPGs and the only way I get interested in doing it with my actual wife is if she adopts the catch phrases /personality characteristics of my latest "waifu", would you feel some concern for my wife's mental health?
I'm also wondering about this spending....
She’s pretty dismissive of my interests and hobbies. I’ve told her I’d like her to try to pretend to show a little more interest sometimes. I make an effort to show real interest in her stuff and she does not do the same. I’m very into music and I do geek out over guitars and gear and things like that and she couldn’t tell you anything about any of the guitars I own other than “he has a blue one, he has a red one. “ We do love some of the same bands. Of course she wants to fuck the band members and I just want to talk about the chord progression on my favorite guitar tracks, but it’s close enough. We like a lot of the same movies and that sort of thing. We have the same sense of humor and can keep each other laughing for ages. We have a lot of the same views on life and on the world in general.
I don’t know, we just get each other I guess.
I would be concerned about the waifu thing, but I guess in my case she always likes guys who I think are pretty cool anyway. She has good taste, at least. If she has to be obsessing over some other guy constantly at least she does it over guys I can respect on some level.
Regarding the spending, I spend way more than she does. Only difference is it’s not usually fan merch I’m buying. But she tolerate my spending when it comes to stuff like guitar gear. She rolls her eyes and reprimands me but she tolerates it and just knows I won’t stop. I’m the same when it comes to her fan stuff. I get it, she wants the vintage 1993 Bret Hart shirt that costs hundreds…not a modern shirt that just anyone could go online and buy for $25 right now. She wants the cool, rare stuff. I’m the same with my guitars so I guess it’s like we understand each other in some way. I think it’s weird to become a fan of somebody and 2 days later drop thousands on them though. At least my money pit is consistent.
I think we both feel like we’re the only person who will semi understand and tolerate all of this stuff from each other
Not included here, but in several comments, OOP definitely brings up his wife’s looks as a positive in the relationship and he finds her antics at times amusing or even attractive.
1st Update - February 28th, 2024
I recently wrote about my wife suddenly discovering former pro-wrestler Bret “The Hitman” Hart one day after never even knowing of his existence, experienced love at first site, and is now even deeper than love with him then she was a month ago.
Tonight, I experienced a good hour of her sobbing, literal sobs, after watching the Bret Hart A&E biography. “I just love him so much. I love him with all my heart. I don’t want any more bad things to happen to him. Also, I’m very jealous he’s not my husband.”
She also went from not wanting any kids to suddenly wanting a baby so she can name it Bret (a girl or a boy, doesn’t matter…they will be named Bret). And she almost had me convinced, but I blame that on the heat of the moment.
She’s bought all sorts of clothes just like his. My wife now dresses like Bret Hart in and outside of the ring.
The past few days she’s been acting really annoyed with me. Finally I’m like “Wtf am I doing wrong?” I bought you Bret Hart stuff for your birthday! I call you Mrs. Bret Hart now, even though you’re my wife. I even sent you flowers at work from Bret. I mean that was supposed to get me points because she knew they were from me and I was playing into her obsession which she’s now apparently shared with everyone she works with. They’ve bought her a giant Bret Hart wall decal for her office.
Ok, so I did forget our anniversary which was very recently. Totally forgot it. Then again, so did she. She was too busy masturbating over Bret Hart to remember our wedding anniversary. I mean bad husband points for me obviously but all the birthday gifts had to have made up for it. I mean, I even ordered a Bret Hart birthday banner and got her a Bret Hart themed birthday cake as if she were a 7 year old boy in the year 1994.
So why is she acting so annoyed lately? Why does she act like she hates me and can’t stand to even be in the same room as me? She finally admits…I’m not Bret Hart. None of her obsession have ever been this bad. She’s seriously threatening me with divorce now because I’m not Bret Hart! She “just wants a guy like that.” She had to go walk the dog today and cry over it, how much she hates me and wishes she was married to Bret Hart. Oh fuck me you want a guy like your dad because that’s what Bret Hart is like…exactly like her dad, the same look, the same hair, the same damn age.
I told her I think she should get checked out for autism or some other sort of disorder. Her obsessions have never been this bad. She should make an appointment now because the waitlist is long. She just laughed. There’s nothing wrong with her. She just has different taste in men now, according to her.
Some comments
psychick
Therapist here - she needs to see a psychiatrist. This is mental illness to the extreme. Either she goes, or you leave. This is ultimatum territory. And, stop giving into her obsession. It makes it worse.
nualt42
Man, when she threatens divorce, take it. Jump at the chance.
Hell, sit, be a good boy and offer your fucking paw if that’s what it takes to get treated to an exit strategy. Don’t worry about dignity, sounds like you gave that up a long time ago.
She’s even looked up the divorce process for where we live and says we can be amicable about everything. She assures me she’s not looking to take any thing that is rightfully mine. She just wants a clean break.
Sophie3546
I’m surprised he even lasted this long. Calling her “Ms. Bret Hart” …..I can’t even fathom.
Excuse me, it’s MRS Bret Hart, not Ms.
NEW UPDATE - March 8th, 2024
Hi, you might remember me as the guy whose wife was obsessed with JFK (35th President of the United States), then experienced a world wind romance with former WWF pro-wrestler Bret Hart (the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be), but now she’s met a new man. I thought the Bret Hart obsession was the worst one yet. Never has she threatened divorce or told me she hated me because I wasn’t the object of her desire. Luckily, that was a relatively quick love affair for her. 3-4 months is a short run for her and one of her men. But I should be careful what I wish for.
This new one is the first time I’ve felt that I should maybe, just possibly, feel legitimately scared. Her newly developing obsession is Patrick Bateman. Yep, the character from American Psycho. Specifically, the movie version played by Christian Bale.
It’s not like she’s just met the guy. She’s seen the movie before but it doesn’t appear that they hit it off initially. Now, she’s suddenly started making constant reference to him. Bret is gone and now it’s just Patrick Bateman and maniacal laughter and purchasing all of the items in his skin care routine. I’d like to see her do 1000 crunches though. That’ll be the day.
She has always admitted to living the 80s preppy/yuppie look. She loves assholes. Assholes are a weakness for her. Psychopaths? Hmm…that’s a new one, unless you count the time she was in love with the Menendez Brothers years ago. God, the pastel Ralph Lauren sweaters she used to try to make me wear. Pastels are just not my shades.
Now, there was a time many years ago where I did have to hide all the knives in our home. I was legitimately scared that she was going to murder me. I forget what she was upset about now. I am, after all, her type - an asshole. I did something that bothered her and she ran for the knives. I had to hide them and then lock myself in a bedroom because she was literally chasing me. That was before she decided that she’d be the female Patrick Bateman. Granted, she says “only mean in the looks and snob department-nothing else.”
She’s trying to determine what the female equivalent to a Patrick Bateman hairstyle would be right now. I’m just worried about the bank account with this obsession. The amount she’ll spend on business cards alone.
Comments
lemonade_sparkle
Your wife is severely mentally ill, and needs help quickly.
Is there no chance of persuading her to get help?
If not, what preparations have you made to leave her?
I’m a strange way, I think these obsessions are what keep her sane.
Her getting help is funny though. It’s not going to happen. Sure I’ve tried to persuade her to see a therapist but she just won’t.
ctIaTErA
I probably shouldn’t be laughing as hard as I am right now. This is truly bizarre. Does she narrate her morning routine in the mirror each day now?
But in all seriousness, she’s chased you with a knife? Thats far more concerning than any of the obsessions with these men, and yes I did read the post about the wrestler. I thought it was just very quirky behavior before, but she seems truly unhinged now.
It was years ago. Like 10+ years ago. I’m much stronger than her so it’s not hard to hold her down if need be.
I AM NOT OOP
NO BRIGADING, NO HARASSMENT

I am an almost 40yo woman who has big red curly hair. Well, it used to be “big” but I’ve lost over 50% of my hair in the last 7 months. It is NOT due to any medical issue. I have had LOTS of blood work and all is normal. I started noticing thinning in the “widows peak” area and my forehead. It’s progressively gotten worse. I am looking for any tips for vitamins, supplements, shampoos/conditioners, treatments, etc.
My Dr says it could be a delayed reaction to stress. I’m hopeful that’s the case but it doesn’t seem to be getting better.
I do take Biotin, D3, and Saw Palmetto. I was also prescribed Finasteride.
This is seriously taking a huge toll on on my mental health and self confidence

I’ve been on this journey with AGA now for a few years. At first I had some great results and was able to go weeks if not months without anxiety over my hair.
Recently my hair density has got worse. Well at least I think it has. It’s hard to know sometimes what is my hair getting worse or better and what is my imagination.
While my initial issues were my part and thinning temples both of those are still pretty good. Once I couldn’t put my hair in a ponytail because Sue’s my temples were awful, now my temples are fine but my pony tail is sad and thin.
I did have a moderately bad case of Covid a few months ago in the middle of overseas travel which took me weeks to get over. A couple of months later I noticed there was an increased shedding but hardly the handfuls many seem to experience.
My derm isn’t available until mid August. I guess I could call her office and ask for any cancellations or to see another derm but I don’t know what to do.
I’m worried any delay to changing treatment (currently in 50mg spiro and 1 mg minox) will cause irreversible damage.
In the meantime I obsess about my hair all day. I can’t concentrate at work and avoid going out on the weekend. I notice how seemingly everyone else has thick, swishy hair and full ponytails.
Guess I’m just after support and / advice. I tell myself things like ‘at least you don’t have cancer’ but it still doesn’t help 🙁

Part I of my Story on the Empress GF, which may or may not yet come as a Meme in this AU from u/Sweet_older-Sister. But whether or not, I wrote this up and wanted to share it with you, with Part II soon to follow.
WARNING: If you expect this to be a harsh takedown or bashing of AU!Big E, I have to disappoint you. She WILL be criticized, but I personally prefer him/her to be a sympathetic, ultimately well-meaning, if highly flawed, Character. Also, the SO for Big E is both perpetual and a Psyker, just not one anywhere near her Level. That said, I kept them Gender-neutral, so if you wanna imagine them and Big E as Golden Space Lesbian Mommies, feel free to do so!
Regardless of all that, however, I mostly just hope you can enjoy this! Have fun!
I open the door to her chamber, paying no heed tot he noises of raging battle, clearly audible despite all the walls, doors and distance between us and them.
As always, despite the gold-plated…everything, the most radiant thing in this room is still her.
Tall and proud she stands as she puts on the last pieces of her golden armor, light glowing off o fit, pure and bright. Her mighty sword hangs by her side and her long, raven black hair is flowing down her back. When she turns around, her glowing eyes, which seemed so often to somehow hold both the untold wisdom oft he wises changes and yet also the boundless arrogance oft he most reckless fools widen upon seeing me, before they swiftly narrow again.
„…I told my Companions to keep you away“, she says, her voice sounding cold and rejecting.
„Well, too bad“, I say, meeting her eyes without fear. „They know better than to try and keep me away when the two of us have to talk.“
Anger briefly flares up in her eyes. „There is nothing to talk about. You are distracting me from preparing for battle!“, she says, her voice cold, harsh and regal, demanding obedience. „As your Empress, I order you to leave. At once!!“
Most other men and women would have crumbled at this moment. Hastily apologized and retreated.
But not me.
I stand my ground and return her cold glare without flinching. „…I am not your Subordinate“, I say, firmly and steadfast. „Not at this moment. Right now, I am your Consort and equal, and as such, I refuse that order!!“
Her eyes widen before she grits her teeth. „You DARE defy your Empress?!“ She stomps a foot on the ground. „I command you, LEAVE!!“
I narrow my eyes. „No.“
„I SAID LEAVE!!!“ Her scream shakes the room far more harshly than the distant Artillery Fire ever had. Her voice rings not just in my ears, but in my mind and soul, as psychic pressure seems to drown the room.
And still, I stand my ground and glare up at the Golden Giantess above me. „NO!!“
Her mask is slowly cracking, her eyes wide and her breathing starting to become uneven. „I…I ORDER you to LEAVE-“
„And I REFUSE!!“ My own shout is not nearly as impressive in terms of sheer power…but it seems to hit the Empress of Mankind like a whiplash.
Her breathing going ever more ragged, she turns away from me. „There is NOTHING to talk about, now!! Leave!!“
I clench my fist, a wave of anger rushing through me. „You think you can just shut me out like that?! Confine me to a secure Chamber while you rush off to your Doom?! You selfish BITCH!! That’s NOT how it works!! Didn’t you promise me, all these Millennia ago?! That we would see this through together, come what may?! That you would never ignore me or shut me out?!“ I snort bitterly. „But, well, I suppose you broke that last promise a while ago. What’s one more, eh?!“
I swear I can hear her breath hitch in her throat. My heart clenches at the sound, but I soldier on. She NEEDS to hear this.
„And where did that lead us?! Oh, right: Besieged in our Palace by our own daughters and their sons that have fallen prey to our worst enemies, with all that’s left to do being a reckless assault on their Leader that could well get you killed!! An assault that I just NOW learned about from one of our older sons!! How could I forget that?!“
„Stop it!!“, she growls. „I…I have to-“
„You ALWAYS ‚have to‘!! And yet, you have never stopped considering if maybe you SHOULDN’T!! That would have saved us a lot of trouble, wouldn’t it?!“ I shake my head, glaring at her. „Maybe it’s time for you to finally get that obstinate head out of your golden laurels-“
„STOP IT!!“
„-and stop being the Empress of Mankind for a few fucking minutes-“
„S-stop it!“
„-so I can finally have a real fucking talk with the woman I fell in love with again-“
„S…stop…“ Her voice sounds almost pleading now, but I steel my heart and prepare the final blow.
„BEFORE I MIGHT LOSE HER FOREVER, JUST LIKE WE LOST OUR DAUGHTERS, YOU STUBBORN OLD WOMAN!!!“
I am panting heavily, finally feeling the hot tears running down my face. I didn‘t even realize that I have begun to cry…but, laying my wounded heart bare like this has brought up all the pain and suffering from the last few years all too strongly.
Slowly, hesitantly, she turns back around to face me. The Golden Halo framing her head has vanished, as had much of her glow…and her eyes, usually so regal and proud, are now brimming with tears, looking so ancient, tired and sad as they turn towards me.
The Mask that is the Empress of Mankind had crumbled away…and what remains is the woman I had learned to know and love, all those Millennia ago, when we first met at on shores of old Albion.
A woman so old, tired, weary and sad, so beaten down and wounded that I had begun to fear she was forever lost.
„I…I am sorry…“ Her voice is almost a whimper, carrying untold grief and regret as she collapses onto her bed, which nearly broke from the weight. „I am s-so sorry…I…I ruined everything…!“
She buries her face in her hands and begins to sob.
My heart clenches and I breathe out the last of my anger, relief flashing through my mind. I have gotten through to her, finally, for the first time in years.
Too late, I remind myself as sharp regret flashes through me. Far too late for far too many people…
But at least not entirely too late.
I sigh as I slowly walk up to and then sit down next to her. I reach up and gently place my hand on her armored arm.
„H-how…“ She finally whispers between sobs. „How did I screw this up so badly…? How did I let it come to this…?“
I sigh again. „…It was not entirely your fault“, I finally say. „The Game was rigged against us the moment the Four kidnapped them. The seeds were already sown. And…“ I look down, overwhelming regret in my heart. „And while you fucked up, it’s not like I have done too much better of a job...“
Images flash before my mind. Images of my…OUR daughters. Our darling little Girls and their significant others, our sons and daughters in law. Our greatest hope for Mankind and the Galaxy, our pride and joy. So many of them now lost forever, through our enemies fault and our own hubris.
I remember giving my blessing Hathor‘s attack on the Interex to avenge her Moonbeam, thinking nothing more of it, only for her to emerge as the Chosen Warmaster of Chaos…
I remember trying and failing to convince my Empress to give Petra more meaningful assignments, Campaigns where she can truly show her worth and skills, only to let myself be convinced that she and the Iron Warriors were needed too badly in these grueling Sieges…
I remember trying to talk Aurelia out of her worship of her Mother, to stop spreading Cults to her service over the Worlds, only to fail miserably..and to fail even more miserably in comforting her after she lost her Little Light on Monarchia…her mother and I had not talked for a while after that…
I remember chastising Alpharia and Omega for their reckless approach to collateral damage in their style of Warfare, chosing my words too harshly…
I remember coldly telling Alakhai that I do not approve of her significant other, getting into a loud shouting match over it…
I remember harshly rebuking Magnolia after Nicea, her reckless pursuit of Warp Knowledge pressing all the wrong buttons in me and, in my anger, making me compare her unfavorably to Lyanna and Mortia…
Next to me, she keeps crying, her shoulder trembling as years off suppressed guilt, regret and grief finally break through to the surface. „Our daughters…our sweet children…m-my fault…all my fault…!!“
Bitter guilt roils in my soul. „No“, I whisper quietly. „It was my fault, too. I…I wasn’t that good a parent, either…not to them, and not to our children in-law…“
...Where had we gone so wrong? We had raised children before! And not too badly, at that! So why had we now failed so miserably at keeping our Family together?!
…The answer is simple and bitter. Because we had severely overestimated our ability to be the parents they deserved while running an ever-expanding Empire of Conquest and balance between the two issues, especially since our daughters were vitally important Generals. Because we had trouble trusting people we didn’t know for a long time already, like Malcador, after Millennia of heartbreaks and betrayals. Not at all helped by the fact that we had been unable to bond with our daughters before they were taken from us as embryos.
But that is no excuse. The Lion’s share oft he blame falls on both our shoulders, and we know it. We had placed what we believed to be the needs of Mankind and the Imperium before our Family too many times…and now, we all had paid the price for this.
Oh, how the Four must be laughing at our foolishness…and, much as I HATE them for all they have done to us and our Family, I have to bitterly admit that they would be right to do so…
Still crying, she pulls me to her into a hug, which I gently return. Despite her towering over me, I had always felt the most comfortable with her when she was at this size.
…It provides a small measure of relief from the agonizing knowledge that a Number of our Children, now in service to those four fucking Cancer Tumors upon reality, are currently trying to breach into the Imperial Palace and destroy us, Mankind and all we have ever worked for. And the knowledge that some of our other children have already died at each others hands.
And now, my Empress would have to kill one more of our daughters to end this. Hathor, our best and brightest Girl, beloved and cherished, now our worst, most bitter enemy.
Our ultimate failure as Parents, laid bare.
„…I can never make up for what I have done“, my love finally says, her voice sad and resigned even as her tears still flow. „Not to them…and not to you. I am sorry…but I know that it changes nothing…“
I gently place a hand on her cheek. „…It does change one thing“, I say quietly. „That I know the woman I love is still there…“
„…I was not a good wife to you in these last years“, she whispers. „Almost as bad as I was a mother…“
I gently press my head against her. „…I forgive you“, I finally say.
She shakes her head. „I don’t deserve that…“
„Maybe not. But I forgive you, anyway.“ I look at her. „Just, please…promise me to never let your mask control you like this, again.“
She nods, burying her face in my shoulder. „I swear…I swear, I won’t…“
She is sincere. I can tell. I have known her too long not to.
„I didn’t want you to come here“, she says quietly. „I knew that if I saw you, I would crumble again…“
„Perhaps it was time for you to crumble“, I answer sadly. „To remind yourself that you are still human, at the core…not just the cold, calculating, uncaring Empress you had become…“
She tightens her hug, silence reigning for a few seconds. „…Thank you“, she finally whispers. „Thank you for…for snapping me out of this, one last time…“
Fear now rises within me. Despite knowing that this may be the last time I see her…I do not want to think about this. The idea of losing her forever after all we have been through…it is terrifying.
„…Please, don’t…don’t say that.“ Now it is I whose voice is shaking. „Our other daughters and children in-law…they still need you. The Imperium still needs you. I still need you! You…you will make it. You have been in tough spots before! You-“
She interrupts me, gently pressing her forehead against mine. „…If…if I don’t come back…promise me you’ll be there for them. For as long as you can. Please, my love…promise me you won’t give up. Promise me that you will be a better parent than I was…“
I swallow. „I…I promise.“ I finally whisper. And I mean it, as much as I desperately hope I will never have to face this future without her.
I try to calm myself. She will be fine. She will win…and after this War is over, we will finally make all the amends we can, save as many of our children as possible and finally, FINALLY do right by them…as they deserve, as we should have from the start!
We will!! We HAVE to!!
…I desperately cling onto this hope. The Alternatives…are too much to bare imagining.
She tightens her hug around me again as we sit there, quietly wishing that this last moment of quiet and calm, filled with regret and sorrow as it may be, would never end.
But it would. Soon. The Teleporters would be ready in mere Minutes.
Oh, how I wish I could accompany her onto the Vengeful Spirit, to confront our wayward daughter, perhaps, as I hoped foolishly, even save her…but I know that this is the one thing she will never allow. As a Psyker, I am powerful, but never as strong as Malcador, let alone her or any of our daughters. Chaos would not hesitate to kill me or worse aboard this tainted vessel and I can not afford to slow her down and make her waste time and energy protecting me.
And besides, if any Deamons make it through the defenses while she is gone, I will be needed to keep them from reaching the Throne.
I know that this, she would be adamant about, now more than ever. So I do not even try.
…It still causes an awful feeling in my gut, nonetheless, as we stay hugging each other for as long as we can, two foolish, flawed and weary parents, sharing in our grief, regret and sorrow over our destroyed family in these last moments before the Final Clash…

Complete remission of depression and anxiety using a ketogenic diet: case series

Front. Nutr., 14 May 2024 Sec. Clinical Nutrition Volume 11 - 2024 https://doi.org/10.3389/fnut.2024.1396685
Background: There is little data that describe the use of ketogenic metabolic therapy to achieve full remission of major depression and generalized anxiety disorder in clinical practice. We present a retrospective case series of three adults with major depression and generalized anxiety disorder with complex comorbidity, treated with personalized ketogenic metabolic therapy, who achieved complete remission of major depression and generalized anxiety disorder and improvements in flourishing, self-compassion, and metabolic health.
Methods: Three adults, ages 32–36, with major depression, generalized anxiety, other anxiety disorders, and comorbid psychiatric conditions were treated for 12–16 weeks with personalized whole food animal-based ketogenic metabolic therapy (1.5:1 ratio) in a specialized metabolic psychiatry practice. Interventions included twice-weekly visits with an experienced ketogenic registered dietitian; daily photo journaling and capillary blood BHB/glucose/GKI monitoring; virtual groups; family/friends support; nature walks and talks several times per week, and community building. Successful adoption of the ketogenic diet was defined as the achievement and maintenance of capillary BHB ≥ 0.8 mmol/L and GKI < 6. Remission was assessed by GAD-7 and PHQ-9, and quality of life was assessed subjectively and with validated scales for flourishing and self-compassion. Metabolic health was assessed by laboratories/biometric measures.
Results: Two patients achieved remission of major depression (PHQ-9 ≤ 4) and generalized anxiety (GAD-7 ≤ 4) within 7 weeks of therapeutic nutritional ketosis; one required 12 weeks. Anxiety responded and remitted more quickly than major depression. Flourishing and self-compassion increased steadily. Patients lost 10.9 to 14.8% of their initial body weight within 12 weeks and improved metabolically; one achieved optimal metabolic health.
Conclusion: Complete remission of major depression and generalized anxiety disorder occurred within 7–12 weeks of therapeutic nutritional ketosis during treatment with a personalized animal-based ketogenic diet (ratio 1.5:1) in adults with complex comorbid depression and anxiety engaged in a specialized metabolic psychiatry program.

Introduction

Emerging brain-based research in psychiatry and neurology has focused on identifying fundamental metabolic disturbances within neurons and throughout the body involving insulin resistance, inflammation, oxidative stress, and alterations of the gut microbiome (1). All four of these fundamental metabolic disturbances are present in major depression (2), and underlying anxiety disorders (3) and can be directly modulated through the use of ketogenic metabolic therapy (KMT) (4).
As psychiatric disorders have risen over the past several decades, the prevalence of metabolic syndrome has sharply increased, with only 12.2% of U.S. adults meeting the criteria for optimal metabolic health, leaving 87.8% metabolically compromised (5, 6).
Metabolic syndrome affects almost a third of individuals with major depression (7). It is a significant contributor to their morbidity and mortality (8) and is rooted in impaired glucose metabolism and utilization. Insulin resistance has been well described in many tissues, including the brain (9), where it is being investigated as a link between metabolic health and mental health conditions. Preclinical models demonstrate that glucose intolerance is directly associated with anxiety and that insulin resistance triggers depressive behaviors (9). In brain tissue, insulin resistance results in cerebral glucose hypometabolism and a vicious cycle of unmet energy needs (10). In human studies, cerebral glucose hypometabolism is a feature of major depression (11, 12) and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) (13).
KMT, also known as the therapeutic ketogenic diet, or KD, is a low carbohydrate, moderate-protein, high-fat diet that supports a fundamental metabolic shift from glucose to ketone bodies as the primary fuel source (14). Classic KMTs are formulated with strict macronutrient ratios, most commonly 4:1 and 3:1 (fat: protein + carbohydrates), and have demonstrated efficacy in intractable epilepsy and genetic disorders. More recently, modified classic KMTs with lower macronutrient ratios of 2.5:1, 2:1, and 1.5:1 have been utilized in research and clinical practice (15, 16). These allow more variety in the diet, meet micronutrient needs except vitamin D (17), and are easier to sustain for extended periods of time.
KMT exploits the body’s natural ability to produce ketone bodies (d-beta-hydroxybutyrate (BHB), acetoacetate, and acetone) in the liver from fatty acids by keeping carbohydrate consumption very low. Acute and sustained production of ketone bodies produces a fundamental shift in fuel energetics within cells, particularly neurons, which can radically re-route and quickly rely on readily available BHB and acetoacetate for cellular energy (18). Ketone bodies also increase vascular density at the blood–brain barrier, which can strikingly increase the availability of ketone bodies for brain energy metabolism by 40-fold (19). Ketones are a preferred energy source in the CNS (20) and neurons will choose ketones over glucose when available.
Nutritional ketosis (10) using a KMT is a natural, not pathological, state (21) where the body’s energy and protein synthesis needs are met with a high-fat/moderate-protein/low-carbohydrate diet, resulting in sustained elevations of serum ketones and fatty acids and normal glucose without acidemia. In both acute and long-term nutritional ketosis, ketone bodies have a number of biological effects that directly change the brain’s cellular energy status (15), increase mitochondrial density (22), and improve mitochondrial morphology, which has been shown to be altered in mood disorders (23, 24). Mitochondrial abnormalities have also been postulated to be responsible for changes in synaptic function and neuroplasticity, potentially associated with symptoms of depression and anxiety (19).
Recent research shows that a ketogenic diet (KD) reduces neuronal firing rates, modulates ion channels and cell signaling cascades, and stimulates the biochemical synthesis and neurotransmission of GABA by inhibiting glutamate decarboxylase, a major inhibitory neurotransmitter involved in neuronal firing and anxiogenesis (25, 26). BHB activates the transcription of antioxidant-related genes by inhibiting histone deacetylases, triggering long-term adaptive changes in gene expression. In addition, at physiologic concentrations, ketone bodies reduce neuroinflammation through direct action at G-protein coupled receptors (25). KD also favorably alters the gut microbiome (27). Perhaps most importantly, KD directly increases NAD+, which reduces reactive oxygen species and increases mitochondrial ATP production. It is also utilized as a substrate for sirtuins and PARP enzymes associated with DNA repair and longevity. A sustained increase in NAD+ may underlie the pleiomorphic benefits of KMT across multiple neuropsychiatric conditions (28). In terms of the frequent abnormal alarms set off in the amygdala during anxiety, nutritional ketosis may provide an acute and long-term intervention to reduce generalized anxiety, panic attacks, obsessive doubt, and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). For apathy, anhedonia, amotivation, and abulia seen in major depression, therapeutic nutritional ketosis may provide higher and more sustained intraneuronal energy and repair (29, 30).
There is no published data that describes the implementation and use of personalized KMT for adults in real-world clinical practice who present with major depression comorbid with GAD and complex psychiatric comorbidity.
The aim of this case series is to examine the response to the treatment of major depression and generalized anxiety with whole-food animal-based personalized KMT in adults with complex psychiatric comorbidity and varied metabolic status. We conducted a retrospective review of three cases from our Metabolic Psychiatry Registry that demonstrate a consistent response and remission of major depression and generalized anxiety among patients who are psychiatrically and metabolically complex, despite differences in the initiation and adoption of KMT, and varied metabolic dysfunction. We describe the evaluation process and prescription of KMT, baseline metabolic workup and monitoring, elements that fostered treatment engagement and adherence, and challenges encountered during 12 weeks of KMT. We correlated capillary BHB/GKI with time to the remission of major depression and GAD and the achievement of metabolic health.

Discussion

Although KD was first shown to produce antidepressant effects and alleviate “behavioral despair” in preclinical studies more than 20 years ago (20), there is little clinical data regarding KD in major depression and anxiety disorders.
A retrospective analysis of 31 individuals with primary diagnoses of major depression (N = 7), bipolar II disorder (N = 13), and schizoaffective disorder (N = 12) who had failed to respond to conventional psychiatric care was treated with KD (75%–80% fat, 15%–20% protein, 5% carbohydrate) for 12 weeks in a psychiatric hospital (31). Of these patients, 22 were voluntarily admitted for the initiation of KD, and the remainder were offered KD during their inpatient hospital course. Change in depression was measured by HAM-D and MADRS in 6 of 7 patients with major depression and 12 of 13 patients with bipolar disorder. Notably, 100% of patients given the HAM-D showed statistically significant improvement in depressive symptoms (mean HAM-D decreased from 25.4 to 7.7; mean MADRS decreased from 29.6 to 10.1). However, serum ketones were not measured; urinary ketone measures were obtained once in 28 patients during the 12-week intervention; 18 patients (64%) showed positive urine ketones (31).
Bipolar depression was included in a recent randomized controlled pilot study assessing the safety and feasibility of KMT as adjunctive therapy, and reported safety and feasibility with excellent adherence and maintenance of ketosis (mean BHB 0.88 ± 0.99 mmol/L for 12 weeks) (32).
One case report utilized KD (65% fat, 25% protein, 10% carbs) with a time-restricted feeding window in a 65-year-old woman with major depression and type II diabetes and reported remission of depression (PHQ-9 17 to 0), normalization of HbA1c, decrease in estimated average glucose from 216 to 96 mg/dL, improvement in HOMA-IR from 9.4 to 2.3, and TG/HDL ratio from 4.7 to 1.2 over 12 weeks. The only measured serum BHB reported in the case was a mean of 1.5 mmol/L by week 12 (30).
A recent meta-analysis of low carbohydrate diets used in controlled trials that evaluated symptoms of depression and anxiety, not disorders, in varied metabolic and inflammatory conditions reported that the symptomatic response of these symptoms was inconclusive (33). The conclusions may not apply to KMTs; the meta-analysis was limited by grouping varied diets with higher carb intake and higher protein intake than usually associated with diets formulated to induce nutritional ketosis; serum or capillary BHB was not reported; and primary and secondary outcomes varied across studies.
In anxiety, preclinical research shows that exogenous ketone supplementation reduces anxiety behaviors (34). There is one case report of a self-administered Atkins Diet for weight loss in a woman with panic disorder (35) but no reports of KMT in panic disorder, OCD, or PTSD. Case reports of KD addressing anxiety describe two cases of decreased anxiety symptoms in a woman with women, one with bipolar I disorder and another with unspecified mood disorder, comorbid emotional dysregulation, body dysmorphic disorder, and eating disorder (36, 37), and one case report that describes the elimination of anxiety symptoms in a man with bipolar disorder (38). Anxiety and obsessive preoccupations improved in weight-restored anorexic women, in one case report describing complete remission of anorexia (39) and in a retrospective case series where animal-based KD was adopted without dietary prescription and monitoring (2); however, ketone measures were not reported. One small pilot trial where KD was followed by ketamine infusions reported a significant lessening of obsessive preoccupations in weight-recovered women with chronic anorexia; here, ketosis was measured by breath acetone (40).
Finally, all three patients had comorbid ADHD, which may be important. Approximately 65–89% of adults with ADHD experience one or more comorbid psychiatric conditions, and ADHD often occurs comorbid with anxiety and depression (41). Preclinical studies in murine models (42) of ADHD with hyperactivity suggest that KD may improve symptoms via alteration of the gut microbiome. Preclinical studies in dogs with epilepsy displaying ADHD-like behaviors treated with a medium-chain triglyceride KD have shown decreased pathological behaviors (43). Further research exploring the effect of KMT in humans with ADHD should be considered to understand the mechanisms of action and assess short- and long-term risks and benefits.
There is little research regarding the selection, implementation, and treatment course for KMT use as adjunctive or sole treatment in individual psychiatric conditions. Given the potential benefits of therapeutic nutritional ketosis and the restoration of metabolic health (44), there is a pressing need to identify the biological underpinnings of KD in psychiatric disorders and delineate factors associated with the successful adoption and adherence of KMT and responses in common psychiatric disorders such as depression and anxiety. In clinical practice and real-world settings, where patients often present with multiple comorbidities, consideration of KD can seem daunting to clinicians.
Despite that, this case series illustrates complete remission of both major depression and GAD in three adults with complex psychiatric comorbidity and previously unrecognized metabolic dysfunction using whole-food, animal-based personalized KMT. Anxiety responded first and time to remission occurred rapidly within 7–12 weeks, despite varied challenges, including preferences for time-restricted eating, slow adoption, inconsistent monitoring, and emergent fatigue during strenuous exercise, which occurred many weeks into KMT due to low serum carnitine and spontaneous reduction of protein intake rather than keto-adaptation or “keto-flu.” All patients improved metabolically, and one patient achieved optimal metabolic health (6).
These patients were representative of many adults in clinical psychiatric practice who present with persistent, serious symptoms interfering with several life domains. They each had five DSM-V psychiatric disorders: severe unipolar major depression, GAD, at least one other anxiety disorder (OCD, PTSD, and/or panic disorder), and ADHD, and two had binge eating disorder. They had all failed at least two previous adequate trials of medications and psychotherapy and were seeking relief. All had family histories of mood and anxiety disorders and documented metabolic disease in first-degree relatives. Extensive laboratory testing and bioimpedance evaluations were eye-opening because, although they were overweight, they were not aware of the extent to which they were already metabolically ill; we suspect it enhanced their motivation to adopt and maintain KMT.
This case series is limited by describing only three patients, which limits the generalizability of our results as well as the inherent selection bias, as they were interested in KMT after failing standard therapies. In addition, they were selected because their complex psychiatric comorbidity reflects the complexity seen in the majority of our outpatient psychiatric practice. This degree of complexity may limit the generalization of these findings, although it is important to note that outpatient clinical psychiatric practice as a whole has seen an increase in complex psychiatric comorbidity over the past two decades (44).
As a retrospective case series, there may be additional limiting and confounding factors, including the lack of a control group. Some rating scales and digital data are missing, which may impact the completeness of the analysis. Time to consistent nutritional ketosis and delays in obtaining necessary labs requiring intervention may have contributed to a longer time to response and remission; response and remission may occur earlier than reported here, and this deserves further research. Finally, it is not clear to what extent immersive treatment (see Supplementary material 1) and additional interventions during KMT, such as close digital monitoring, frequent clinical contact, group supports, and nature walks, contributed to the rapidity of response/remission of anxiety and depression, or to overall treatment success, independent of the biological effects of KMT, and which of these elements were most critical; more research is needed. Carefully designed prospective studies and randomized controlled trials providing higher levels of evidence are needed to examine the use of KMT and time to response and remission in individuals without comorbidity and determine the extent to which comorbidity may confound or alter these (8).
As metabolic psychiatry moves forward, we need both preclinical and larger, well-controlled clinical studies examining the pleiomorphic effects of ketone bodies in the brain and in the body to understand how we can best leverage whole foods to optimize brain energy, enhance genetic expression, reduce neuroinflammation, optimize metabolic health, and safeguard the promise of our future.

Here's something else from Quinn's memoirs that should come in handy next time some braindead ProgMo claims the mormon "church" has never been anti-LGBTQ+. The really relevant stuff starts 8 or 9 paragraphs down, but the whole section is a chilling read.

Late 1976—Reparative Therapy of Homosexuality
Eighteen months after I confided to him my decades of struggle, longtime friend Jim McConkie said that he would pay my airfare to New York City, my housing there, and all fees for me to spend next summer in a special clinic’s program for treating homosexuality. I didn’t tell Jan or him that I had already read Lawrence Hatterer’s Changing Homosexuality in the Male, and was very uncertain about the prospects of such therapy. Still, I was overwhelmed by the generosity of my friend’s offer to pay for such a clinic, and I couldn’t simply reject it out of hand.
James gave me its phone number in the 212 area code, and for days I anguished over my good-hearted friend’s offer. It had been incredibly difficult for me to confess my homosexual orientation to my BYU bishop in 1963, to Jan in 1972, to my former mission president this year, and to two of my closest friends—Mike McAdams in 1971 and Jim McConkie in 1975. I didn’t think I had the courage to talk about it with anyone else, certainly not to strangers. And yet how could I tell my long-suffering wife that I wouldn’t even inquire about treatment? About the possibility of being healed of homosexuality?
And so, with Jan at my side, I nervously phoned the psychiatric clinic in Manhattan from our home on Lincoln Street. A woman answered and said that she was an RN supervisor there. After I stumbled through the words about wanting to enroll in the clinic’s program “to overcome my homosexuality,” there was a long pause. “I’m afraid there’s been some misunderstanding,” she began. “Our program helps people to accept their homosexuality and develop healthy adaptations to it.”
Now it was my turn to be speechless. I finally said: “You do what?!” And the clinic’s supervisor repeated her statement. I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh, but felt like a weight was lifting off my chest.
After hanging up, I repeated her words to Jan, who grimaced: “How can that be?” I didn’t know, nor understand how my friend could have been so wrong about the therapy this clinic offered.
I told my wife: “I made the call, but I’m not going to put myself through that again. Especially not in Utah, where even the inquiry could get me fired from BYU!” Jan wasn’t happy, but never mentioned this again.
James was dumfounded by the result of my phone call and said that he would definitely find the right kind of clinic for me. I told him not to do anything further, and he didn’t. This was the last time I considered going through therapy against homosexuality.
I would eventually read this year’s PhD dissertation by BYU student Max Ford McBride about the university’s ghastly aversion therapy to change homosexuality. Already in full operation and endorsed by LDS headquarters, this program used gay porn and mild torture to induce pain, revulsion, and fear in young men with homosexual tendencies. They were advised by certain general authorities to experience it for redemption, or required by the BYU Standards Office to endure this to avoid expulsion.
Aside from echoing the medieval Catholic cult of self-flagellation, this BYU program encouraged the homosexually inclined young men to masturbate in the dark while watching increasingly pornographic images of women and of female-male sex. The program’s administrators regarded this as positive reinforcement of normal sexuality.
Training young men to view women as mere sex objects!
At this same time, LDS headquarters refused to advertise R-rated movies in the Deseret News! And BYU refused to show R-rated movies to regular students! And LDS leaders were doing everything possible to make boys feel guilty for masturbating!
Could no one but gay boys see the vicious irony? I would read with admiration what one of them, Cloy Jenkins, self-published anonymously in two years, Prologue: An Examination of Mormon Attitudes Towards Homosexuality. It included BYU’s aversion therapy.
— Chosen Path: A Memoir by D. Michael Quinn

I’m 26 going on 27 and my hair is naturally curly. I was definitely complimented a lot on it by girls at university, but I was in my early 20s then
I’m getting older now and I really like the hair. But I fear it’s going to be seen as juvenile and boyish by women my own age
Pics below
https://postimg.cc/gallery/Mw9nDDB
The thing is, that this is my natural hair. It seems to now be associated with 18 year old white TikTok e-boys who get their hair permed. But I don’t get my hair permed, these curls are natural. It’s how my hair looks like if I do nothing to it. I don’t use products or anything
I’m south Asian and many other south Asian guys have similar hair type, but I feel like for some reason I’m getting roped into it being this boyish hair when it’s just how my hair normally is

For the first time since his incarceration, Bankman-Fried described his daily life in a detailed interview with journalist William D. Cohan of Puck:

On a recent Tuesday, I went to the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn for an intimate chat with America’s most famous prisoner, Sam Bankman-Fried. During our 75-minute conversation, we discussed everything from Caroline Ellison and the travails of his new life, to his regrets about the demise of FTX and his forthcoming appeal.
I got the distinct impression that Sam still doesn’t believe he committed any crimes, only that he was the one responsible for putting FTX in a position where it was vulnerable to a bank run and the devious actions of its competitors

WILLIAM D. COHAN -- May 9, 2024
On Tuesday afternoon, I found myself in the most unusual circumstances—sitting on a small plastic chair at a cramped table in the Metropolitan Detention Center, the federal prison on 29th Street in Sunset Park, in Deep Brooklyn. Outside, it was a gorgeous day, the sort of picturesque and slightly humid one that inevitably reminds longtime New Yorkers of the weather on the morning of September 11th. Inside the prison’s visiting room, however, there was no natural light, no sunshine, only the Hitchcockian buzz of fluorescent bulbs and three vending machines standing in a corner. Posters on the wall attempted to compensate for the bleak atmosphere by buoyantly welcoming visiting families.
I first met Sam Bankman-Fried in December 2021, during the height of his power and influence, when he was the richest person in the world under 30. My friend Anthony Scaramucci, a.k.a. The Mooch, had connected us. On a cold winter night at the One Hotel, on Sixth Avenue, I interviewed him for a documentary I am part of making about Bitcoin and its developer, Satoshi Nakamato. Sam showed up an hour late, in a black t-shirt and cargo shorts, apparently having just flown in via private jet from the Bahamas. A month later, Sam’s cryptocurrency exchange, FTX, would raise its final $400 million round of financing from a group of highfalutin investors—led by Softbank, Temasek, and Paradigm—at a valuation of $32 billion, making the company one of the most valuable in the sector. At that moment, Sam was said to be worth $26 billion.
This week, we reconnected amid very different circumstances. Sam and I arranged for this visit through his Corrlinks email account, at the suggestion of his mother, Barbara Fried, and the family’s prison advisor. We met on Tuesday around 1 p.m. because that was the only day that visiting hours are permitted at MDC, a hangover from the Covid era. Prisoners can have visitors for one of two sessions, either starting at noon or at five in the afternoon.
We were meeting later than noon because of the staffing shortage at the facility. I was allowed to bring in $1 or $5 bills, up to a total of $30, in case I wanted to buy Sam some water, soda, or snacks from the humming vending machines. I was told to put my $20 bill as well as my wallet and iPhone into a locker. Sam was not permitted to buy anything himself.
Following about an hour of bureaucratic snafus (I went to the wrong building at first, and I wasn’t wearing dark pants—although an exception was made for me) and other forms of prison processing (shoes and belt off, metal detection, sticking my hand in a scanner) I was finally allowed inside the prison, without a phone, a watch, a recording device, or even a pad of paper and a pencil. (I knew this in advance, of course, and set about preserving my recollections of our conversation immediately after leaving the facility.)
After a few minutes of waiting, I looked up to see Sam Bankman-Fried, over in the corner, dressed head to toe in a chocolate-brown prison jumpsuit, along with the still-wild frizzy hair that has been his trademark. These days, Sam looks considerably thinner than the last time we met—it appeared he’d lost 25 pounds, at least. But he looked better and fitter than I thought he would, to be honest—less pudgy, less manic, less fidgety, no bags under his eyes.
He was sustaining himself on rice and beans, he said, because the prison food was unsurprisingly inedible, especially the vegan entrées he was served, which his fellow inmates thought literally smelled like shit. He wasn’t complaining, mind you; he noted that he was just trying to make the best of a bad situation. The rice he buys at the prison commissary has become one of the currencies of the realm inside MDC. We joked briefly about how the arbitrage opportunities in jail were better than anything he experienced trading crypto at Jane Street Capital or buying and selling assets at Alameda. He looked me in the eye pretty much the whole time, something he rarely did with people in the old days.
After we shook hands, he sat down in his own plastic chair as a camera watched us from the ceiling. We were surrounded by a couple of other inmates, dressed similarly, facing their visitors. Sam declined my initial offer to buy him some snacks but ultimately agreed to a $4 bottle of water and a small $2 package of Wheat Thins, which he eagerly consumed.
We talked for the next 75 minutes or so, the first in-person interview he has given to a journalist since he was locked up in the MDC last August and then subsequently convicted of two counts of wire fraud, conspiracy to commit wire fraud, securities fraud, commodities fraud, and money-laundering at his federal trial in November. In March, he was sentenced to 25 years in prison. Our chat, under these rather drastic circumstances, was a profoundly jarring and fascinating experience.

Prison Diaries

Sam began by answering my question about his life in prison. According to him, he lives in an area of the jail that was dedicated mostly to incarcerated women, save for the 35 men with whom he shares a dormitory-style existence in a big open room—bunk beds, no privacy, extreme boredom, and four television sets tuned to ESPN, Telemundo, BET, and a news channel. Sam said he could try to persuade his fellow inmates to change up the channel selection, but television bores him, so he has no interest in that challenge. He prefers watching a small selection of movies or playing some inferior video games on a tablet, without an internet connection, that the prison provides him and other inmates.
When I told him he seemed better than I had anticipated, he replied that he’d become good at faking it. So, yes, life inside the MDC is not the Bahamas. But, truly, I had expected to see him coping less well. At the MDC, Sam has mostly been permitted his prescription medications, and the cocktail he’s been allowed has him thinking clearly, he said, and energized for the legal battle he plans to wage soon against the verdict.
In the meantime, he told me, he doesn’t fear for his safety. He can use the bathroom and shower a couple of times a week in peace. He’s always been a light sleeper, and he’s still not sleeping soundly at the MDC, but mostly because people sometimes bug him during the night about those bags of rice, which they intend to use to barter. He has not been touched or abused, and he seemed notably thankful for that.
He acknowledged that he has a unique rap sheet at MDC, and his fellow prisoners indeed recognize him. He estimated that about half of the other 35 men in his unit were murderers who had been turned into cooperating witnesses for the prosecution in exchange for not serving a life sentence. In prison, many inmates consider cooperating witnesses the lowest form of vermin, lower even than child molesters. Sam also told me that some of the other prisoners tried to get close to him, thinking they would benefit financially from the proximity to a former billionaire. He doesn’t play along, he said.
We didn’t talk about his trial strategy or whether he intentionally siphoned off the $8 billion of FTX customer funds into Alameda. Both topics seemed moot at this point. We did discuss his onetime girlfriend, Caroline Ellison, whom he selected to run Alameda after lawyers kept hounding him about the inherent conflicts in him running both FTX and the hedge fund. (He chose to run FTX.) He acknowledged that he had asked a few other people if they would be interested in the role, but they turned him down. Ellison, he said, was a good manager of people and a good administrator but didn’t like making big investments and didn’t like taking risks. (Obviously, this seems like a bizarre aversion for a hedge fund manager, but I didn’t belabor the point.) In any event, Alameda ended up doing both.
He regretted that he had not tried harder to find another executive. He also said he should have ignored the lawyers and just kept running both FTX and Alameda, conflicts be damned, sort of like how Elon Musk oversees his various companies. Wishing he had ignored his lawyers’ advice emerged as a theme of Sam’s during our visit.

Legal Therapy

We did talk a fair amount about his appeal and about how he believed he was set up to be the fall guy—the victim of the old build-’em-up-only-to-tear-’em-down narrative arc. His theory of the case was that by the fall of 2022, it was every man for himself on a boat that looked to be sinking. By early November 2022, FTX was facing a liquidity crunch. Sam first sought a deal with Binance, which quickly fell apart or was never truly real, and was in the process of trying to raise billions in capital when his lawyers advised him to turn the keys of FTX over to John J. Ray III, which he did. Ray quickly filed FTX for bankruptcy and installed Sullivan & Cromwell, the company’s outside counsel, as counsel to the debtor.
Sam became the target of federal prosecutors, he told me, soon after FTX’s outside counsel at Sullivan & Cromwell made a presentation to them, on November 9, 2022, a day or so before the bankruptcy filing, about what they believed Sam may have engineered between FTX and Alameda, which has been described as the theft of $8 billion of customer money. In a sworn declaration about that meeting, S&C attorney Andrew Dietderich said he reported to the D.O.J. only what Ryne Miller, FTX’s U.S. general counsel, told him about a problem of “reconciling digital assets with entitlements” on FTX’s U.S. exchange, and nothing about Sam and his alleged transgressions.
Sam told me that had he not been persuaded by Sullivan & Cromwell and then by his personal attorneys to relinquish his job as C.E.O. to Ray, the company would not have filed for bankruptcy, and it would still be a thriving enterprise, worth $80 billion now. In this alternate reality, he would be worth $40 billion and he certainly wouldn’t be at the MDC. (S&C declined to comment on Sam’s theory of the case. It’s also fair to reiterate here that Sam was sentenced to 25 years in prison after a jury convicted him of the crimes described above.)
I got the distinct impression that Sam still doesn’t believe he committed any crimes, only that he was the one responsible for putting FTX in a position where it was vulnerable to a bank run and the devious actions of its competitors, not unlike how both Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers failed in 2008. Why, Sam wondered, was he prosecuted when no one at either Bear or Lehman faced criminal prosecution? During our chat, Sam was contrite and certainly chastened, but not exactly apologetic: He was adamant about his innocence, aside from a few degrees of negligence—punishable, in his view, perhaps by civil consequences, not criminal penalties and a quarter-century sentence.
According to Sam’s theory, he isn’t in prison for commingling assets of FTX and Alameda. Instead, he’s an innocent guy who didn’t get a chance to negotiate a deal with the federal prosecutors, and wonders why he was even prosecuted at all for what he believes was a form of a bank run. Instead, they just presented him with his indictment and told him he could eat it— accept it and plead guilty and then get sentenced, or go to trial and try to fight it. Since there was no plea bargain on the table, he said, he fought the charges at trial, and lost. Unlike his fellow inmates, he told me, Sam speaks to his new attorney nearly every weekday for an hour or so, as the focus of his appeal comes into view. He expects to file it this fall. Yes, he will appeal, but most people think he faces long odds of success.
On the day of my visit, Sullivan & Cromwell, still counsel to the debtor-in-possession in FTX’s bankruptcy case, filed a first draft of a plan of reorganization that appears to give its customers and creditors all of their money back, plus a little more—a return of $15 billion on $12 billion of claims—in large part because of the investments Sam made through Alameda. The plan, which still has a long way to go before being confirmed, also gives Sullivan & Cromwell, along with other FTX advisors, “exculpation” from future lawsuits related to its conduct in the matter. This is not unusual in a plan of reorganization. But Sam has exhaustive thoughts on this subject, which I may explore with him in a follow-up conversation.

Go West, Young Man

I’m not sure how much longer Sam will be at the MDC, and neither is he. He has asked to remain in Brooklyn at least until the fall, when his appellate brief will be filed. But that’s not up to him, of course. If he gets moved, which could come at any moment without warning or explanation, I’m told, it would probably be to California, closer to Palo Alto, where he grew up, the son of two Stanford Law professors. At that point, the question will be whether he gets to spend his incarcerated years in a federal penitentiary, which are mostly nasty places filled with hardened criminals, or in more of a minimum security prison, as Mike Milken once did.
If he does get moved out of Brooklyn, his family and legal team worry, he could spend as long as four months on a bus, handcuffed to the seat, making his way, slowly, across the country. Such prison buses make frequent stops—picking up new prisoners, dropping off others—which explains why they take so long to reach their final destinations. There’s also a remote possibility that he could be placed on one of the many planes operated by the U.S. Marshals Service, a.k.a. “Con Air.” But he’s more likely to get the infamous “diesel therapy,” they fear. Either way, during this hypothetical cross-country journey, Sam would be completely incommunicado with both his family and his lawyers until he reaches his new home in California, deprived of the minimal access to the internet and email he now enjoys in Brooklyn.
Just as we were getting ready to discuss some knotty issues, such as his choices during his trial or the fact that many of the people who once worked for him had turned against him to save themselves, our visiting time was up. It was non-negotiable. We quickly shook hands again. Then Sam went back to his dormitory and I went back outside into a glorious spring afternoon.
Credits/Via: https://puck.news/exclusive-prison-chat-with-sam-bankman-fried/