Pain in upper left shoulder blade

So I posted in here a few weeks ago that I’m pregnant and was very alone, I ended up having a miscarriage and had surgery a few days ago. I went to the hospital alone & the person who got me pregnant never came and told me “I have something to do”. The day I found out I had a miscarriage he agreed to come to my first midwife appointment but stood me up and I called for hours but no answer.
Anyways, during the time I was pregnant I did send him a message saying that I felt like it would be better if I wasn’t here and I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Yesterday he told me I was sending “fake suicide messages” and I’m upset over my “little miscarriage” and I had lost my uncle the month before I found out I was pregnant and he said “me and my family are not the first people to bury someone” and “the world doesn’t stop when I’m going through something” bare in mind I went to work the day after my uncle passed away & worked 60 hours that week. He also said why am I upset that I was going to be a single mum as if I was going to be the first single mum, people do it all the time.
I’m someone who doesn’t really show my emotions and burdens people with them. My mum doesn’t even know I was pregnant and had a whole miscarriage/surgery because I just dont really feel people really care about the things you go through. Look at what my ex just said to me bear in mind he knew I was going to the hospital every single day to be by my uncles side and saw how tired I was etc.
I’ve already been through a lot this year and I’ve had little to no support, I literally am fighting everyday to carry on and move on with my life and I know it will be hurtful to the people around me if I took my own life… but no one cares so I just feel like why am I preserving other people’s feeling while I’m constantly suffering.
I also had a similar situation 3 years ago where I got pregnant and my boyfriend left me, so I just feel like I’m doing something wrong or there is something wrong with me, I’m never allowed to be happy. I’ve always wanted to be a mum, a wife and just genuinely be loved but I’m constantly abandoned by people who “love” me, obviously they don’t and if this is what my life is going to be, I would rather go now and save myself the pain and suffering.

For the last 2 years or so since I first got COVID, every time I’m about to get struck down with (day before symptoms appear) or just recovered from a cold/flu (say about 2-3 days post recovery) I get pain in my left collarbone that appears to be where the left supraclavicular nodes are. It presents as a small lump sometimes but goes away quickly and doesn’t visibly linger. Is very soft to touch, mainly just aches. Can touch and sometimes see it better if I lift the arm. The aches will last a few days and then generally disappear until I get sick again. I’ve seen a few doctors who’ve said “it’s just your bodies reaction to the virus” but unfortunately it’s disappeared before I can get an appointment and they haven’t assessed the lump when present. I did the naughty and googled it and not liking the answers I saw. Is this common/nothing to worry about if it always and only matches up to when my body is fighting an infection? 30m, non smoker, “relatively” fit if that matters.

I’m an only child, 24F. My mother died when I was 16, and my father died the day after I turned 24. We were the simplest family, eating three meals a day, happy and living like a not-so-perfect family, but it was perfect for me. They weren’t strict and could support whatever I wanted and provide what I needed, but they would explain if it was beyond our budget. Our occasions and holidays were full of joy. I used to get excited when we bought a cake, even just a roll from Red Ribbon (triple chocolate). Most of my memories with my parents were wonderful, and it felt like we never had problems aside from financial issues sometimes because we were just an average family.
That’s why I want someone to explain to me why I became an orphan. Why did my parents have to suffer from the illnesses they had? I was their princess, but now I feel like someone lost in an unknown place.
What’s very painful is that I didn’t even get to graduate from college. I have no money to start anything because my parents didn’t have savings or even insurance. I didn’t inherit a house because we had been renting all this time. We didn’t have a business either. I have no siblings because I’m an only child. I have nothing since my father left me. I can’t even pursue my college education because I still have an outstanding balance. Sometimes, I just cry alone. Ahhhhh 😫 I don’t know where or how to start my life.
But I’m at least thankful for my boyfriend because he took care of me. I’ve become dependent on him; he never obliged me to work because he said he could provide for me. However, I want to earn for myself. Unfortunately, I’ve tried applying for jobs, but they rejected me because I can’t provide school documents due to my unpaid balance. I tried selling digital products, but no one bought anything. I also tried being a TikTok affiliate, but I had few viewers and followers, and no income. I tried taking the civil service exam, but I failed. I don’t know what to do anymore.
My stress is overwhelming. I’ve gained almost 15 kg and am now obese. My menstruation is delayed, my skin isn’t clear anymore, and I have significant hair fall.
I am completely lost. I am not fine. My situation hurts me a lot 😭
help me what to doooo 😭

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[First] [Previous] [Next]
When did I allow this to happen? How is it ten at night already? I just played a couple of rounds and it’s already dark outside!

“You should know already that your perception of time is FUBAR. Not to mention these hobbies of ours really don’t help grasping what’s going on.”

It didn’t use to be like this.

“Oh yeah? Can you remember how long you’ve been using the computer?”

Of course I can. It’s been in my life since I was like six or something, when Dad brought home that used computer with all the Dobrand games! But I didn’t pay much attention to it back then…

“That’s not how I remember it. We used to spend entire afternoons playing with the Encyclopedia, and trying out those games we barely understood. Maybe going into the Cartoon Central website too, even if we couldn’t read very well. Face it, we’ve always been addicted to distractions…”

Ok, maybe a little, but–

“And even before we started to use the internet more seriously, we’ve never been very into sleeping at all. Remember how we used to check the channels back then? Zapping and looking for stuff on the TV? Back then everything was so scary and novel at these hours… Now it feels just like a routine. We’ve always been night owls.”

Frowning and feeling the voice creeping on me more than usual, I finally close the game and my computer, standing up and turning on the lights to look at my room. The floor is still filthy, the plates are still scattered about… opening my closet, I not only see what remains of my clean clothes and the old montgomery hanging, but also the old bamboo blade I used to train with.

“Yeah. Remember that? How everyone looks for a local sport to practice and you chose fucking kendo? Not sure if that was just the weaboo in you, or you are just that pretentious.”

I pick up the long stick and take a look at it from the sides. Four bamboo sticks, held together tightly by leather straps and string. It’s elegant in its simplicity, firm enough to hurt a little when hit by it, but not strong enough to really harm, mostly thanks to the white leather covering its tip. The handle has the dark stains of sweat coming from the months of use.

“Before you left it incomplete, like everything in your life.”

Sigh.

I put the blade back in the closet and then turn around, grabbing the many plates and cups that were piling up in the room and walking the dark way over to the kitchen to clean them up.

“Cleaning plates in the middle of the night. That’s the kind of stuff Venus did back when she was here, just to call your attention.”

Ignoring this annoying voice is getting harder… I am tempted to pick up the S.O.S. pill, but if I do that I can say goodbye to my agency for the entire night and maybe even a few hours after waking up. Urgh.

“Guess you’re stuck with me, huh?”

Biting my lower lip, I try to focus on the task at hand, cleaning each plate as carefully as I can and trying to ignore the feeling of grease building up on my hands. Saints above, it is so disgusting! I can’t stand it, really. But if I keep letting the plates stack up, I’ll never do it.

“Look at you trying to be responsible. So silly. You’ll just let them stack up again soon enough.”

“What matters is that you are trying your best.”

Ah, there She is. Still talking from the corner of the room… Her kindness has always felt fabricated to me. Fake.

“It’s hard to accept mercy from yourself.”

You are not me.

The glugging of the drain interrupts me before I can start arguing again. With a heavy sigh, I let the water run away to clean my hands for a moment, and then, now that everything is clean and in place, I close it and walk back to my cave and take a seat back beside the window, opening the blinds just to see the darkness of a misty winter night in Saüle.

“Maybe it’s time to sleep after all.”

“You’ll just start rolling around, kicking and stirring all night.”

“You’ll eventually fall asleep!”

“Or maybe you won't. Let’s just keep playing until the Sun rises.”

I’ll do you both one better and just go back to the living room to check Dejima.

“Oh right! It has been a few hours, hasn’t it?”

“If you are so eager to be disappointed…”

Taking the computer back to the dining table and reconnecting it to the Tripolar Edge Router is easy enough, and yet I still feel the anticipation killing me. My hands tremble a bit as I type the address again, and even more when I have to wait the eternity until it loads.

My post… it got answers! Four answers to be exact! It’s not much but, considering how few users are online at a given time here, it’s good!

“omg it’s so cute when people actually come and use the ‘Introductions’ spot. I mean it, it’s great. It’s also cool to see new faces here, welcome! My dms are open if you want to ask anything.” — GalaxyTaco

“Hey there! We are all glad to have you here! If you have any doubts or questions, throw them my way and I’ll see to answer them whenever I can!” — Ventotto

“Fresh meat, bring out the paddles! Just kidding, welcome in, kid. Hope to see ya in the chatbox one day.” — jeepcreep

“Welcome. Complete your profile data.". — ογδόντα

Three of these are mods, so that was to be expected… but this ‘GalaxyTaco’ guy. He seems like a nice fella. Maybe trying to gun for mod too, or maybe just a legitimately friendly person! Whatever the case, the Helenian mod had made a fantastic point. I did have to complete the profile stuff.

“Does it have to be now? It’s late…”

Yes, it does. I click back to my profile and, well, it asks stuff like ‘Email’, ‘Country’, ‘Languages Spoken’ and ‘Gender’, all easy to answer.

Email: [simple.times@gamail.com]()
Country: Wohl.
Languages Spoken: Wohlian, Dobrand.
Gender: I’d rather not say.

“What sort of stupid answer was that?! Are you really this delusional!?”

Please. Just… let me have this…

“Don’t come crying when they learn you’re a man and you get all embarrassed.“

“Are they a man? Have you not stopped for a second to think that maybe they would be more comfortable as a–”

Shut up.

Both of you. You are looking way too deep into this. I’ll leave it as it is and that’s final.

With a huff, I go to the next section of the profile… ‘Referred to by:’

Oh no.

“Well, time to skip that one.”

There was no way I could just say ‘Ah, I found it in a book’ without getting strange looks. Not to mention the book itself told me not to talk about it for anything.

Next.

‘Mystical Specialization’.

“Saints damn it.”

I could just copy the specialization from some other profile, but then what if they decided to ask me about it? Well, that wouldn’t be a problem if I decided not to get in the chatbox at all… but I won’t advance in my investigation at all if I don’t talk to people, right?

I decide to just leave it open, for now.

Finally, I just gotta put a ‘Comment’ in the end of my profile… hmmm…

Comment: ‘Please don’t kill me.’

“A little on the nose?”

It’s all in good humor. I hope.

With that done, I don’t waste time on making a signature for myself (yet) and go straight to check on the Chatbox.

Four people: ‘GalaxyTaco’, ‘Ventotto’, ‘souseiseki’ and… uh… ‘Canned Tea’.

I take a deep breath… and log in.

Tav has connected to the Chatbox.
souseiseki: byeeee canny!! <3
GalaxyTaco: bye dude
Canned Tea has disconnected from the Chatbox.
souseiseki: … who tf are u o.o

Fuck. That was fast. Immediately singled out and everything, oh no. I panic, unable to really write any answers, when suddenly:

GalaxyTaco: sou that’s tav! the new peep? you saw the introductions post right??
souseiseki: oh right o.o i don’t care for those
GalaxyTaco: how’s it going dude? man, if youre wohlian it must be fucking late!
Tav: Hi, hi n.nUu
Tav: Yeah, it’s a bit late but I can’t sleep u.u
GalaxyTaco: hah, been there…
Canned Tea has connected to the Chatbox.

The guy came back again? What gives??

Canned Tea: sorry tav, didn’t see you come in.
Canned Tea: don’t want you to think Im avoiding ya.

The fear WAS in my brain, to be honest. I can’t help but smile a bit when the guy returns to clarify.

Tav: Oh it’s all good! n.n thank you though uwu
souseiseki: don’t cuddle this f**got Canny o.o

I wince. Oof. That’s… wow.

Canned Tea: sou.
Canned Tea: i’ve told you not to shittalk like that, girl.
souseiseki: sorry, slipped off my mind
Canned Tea: anyways, now im going to sleep.
Canned Tea: welcome in Tav. i’ll be seeing ya later.
Tav: For sure! n.n bye Canned Tea!
Canned Tea: just call me canny, girl.
Canned Tea: see ya.
Canned Tea has disconnected from the Chatbox.

I feel my face burning for a moment there. Am I blushing!? Fuck.

“Welp, you’re proving souseiseki right, at least.”

Shut the fuck up.

@ Ventotto: Hmm. I’ve told him not to assume gender like that.
GalaxyTaco: Holy shit 28 ur alive!!! O.o
GalaxyTaco: Now THAT is surprising.
@ Ventotto: I was about to leave but, like Canny, I wanted to say welcome again to Tav.
Ventotto: I hope you find your spot here soon. If you have anything you’d want translated and analyzed, go to the Translation subforum. Ok?
Tav: For sure! Thank you uwu
@ Ventotto: See you all later.
@ Ventotto has disconnected from the Chatbox.
souseiseki: i’m not staying here with you losers o.o
souseiseki: bye.
souseiseki has disconnected from the Chatbox

“Well bitch I didn’t want to talk with you either!” I practically snarl in real life, taking a deep breath and rubbing my temples. “Urgh. Not even an hour in and I’m already fed up with someone…”

GalaxyTaco: bah pay her no mind dude.
GalaxyTaco: she’s just Like That™
Tav: I’ll try…
Tav: Thank you for the welcome post, by the way uwu
Tav: I was worried no one would answer… u.u
GalaxyTaco: not gonna lie dure, that was a big possibility!
GalaxyTaco: people here ain’t the most social, honestly.
GalaxyTaco: speaking of, that reminds me!
GalaxyTaco: how DID you find the forum? if someone gave you the link but didn’t show you the ropes, that’s kind of an asshole move to pull!

Damn it all. That question again! This guy seemed nice so he probably didn’t mean anything by it but, it was a little frustrating to have to give explanations like that. Then again, this was supposed to be a secret of sorts, so I shouldn’t be that surprised I guess? But well, surprised or not, I need an answer to give. Come on, brain, make up something! An excuse! Anything!

“How the Hells do you want us to make up something if we know nothing of mages and such!? Are you stupid!?”

“We do know something. This ‘Elysium’ place seems to be important, maybe mentioning it would be enough to throw GalaxyTaco off your scent!”

“He’s not an idiot. Using jargon without really understanding it is a great way to look like an outsider.”

“Remind me again why we can’t just tell him the truth…?”

“The woman from the book, Humiko, told us not to talk about it if we can avoid it.”

“Well then, can we avoid it now…?”

…

GalaxyTaco: ah shit dude, sorry to cut this short but I gotta go get lunch
GalaxyTaco: talk to you later!
GalaxyTaco has disconnected from the Chatbox.

I deflate for a moment there, closing my eyes. Lucky break, I guess! Or at least, I think it is … until I get a notification from the forum: a direct message! Clicking the icon, I can see it’s from GalaxyTaco.

Sorry for the intense question but, it’s kind of important.
If you don’t fill your profile soon, 82’s totally gonna ban you.
You weren’t referred here by anyone you can mention, huh?
Let’s talk more privately.
[tacomadeofgalaxies@messages.com]()
Don’t disconnect from the TER when talking, that way no sleeper government can check on us.
I’ll be up after lunch.
Trust me, it’s important.—- GalaxyTaco

Oh shit. I was read like a book.

A part of me is relieved the guy is worried about me… but then, the suspicions arise. What if this guy is working with the mods? Or worse, with the cloaks! I haven’t even encountered these people and yet their presence around me fills me with dread and anxiety, mostly because I have no idea what to expect from them!

But another part of me is simply desperate for having someone to talk to about this, and he did say that while I keep the TER (which I assume is the Tripolar Edge Router) on, no orgs can check on me. So maybe…

“You’re gonna regret that.”

Maybe. But we will see about that when we get there.

It’s exactly as the title says. I’ve been with my fiancé for 4 going on 5 years, our relationship has been amazing up to this point. We were talking about marriage, buying a house, kids….
I’ll try to keep on track. 2 months ago my friend asked me if my fiancé is bi also (I am bi) and I said no. He proceeded to show me a grindr post with my fiancé on it, his picture that I recognize from years ago when we first started dating. I immediately tried to confirm. This is when I found out the important fact that you have to pay to tap on any profile u want for grindr (this will be relevant later) I paid my friend so we could see his profile. My heart sank. I felt sick. And I made an attempt on my Life immediately after but was saved by nearby railway officers. I couldn’t deal with the pain. when I finally did come home (we live together) he was surprised to see me because I was supposed to be at work (I work 2 jobs, 1 full time in the day and a part time at night a few times a week) when I came in, he was in the game. Everything looked so normal, it didn’t look like he was being nefarious or anything and I think that hurt me more. Just knowing he could have been doing this the whole time right next to me and I would never know, it hurt.
I confronted him by giving back my ring. I told him he broke the promise it stood for and to keep it. He tried to put it back on me and asked what’s wrong. I just cried. I thought I would be mad when I saw him, but I saw the years we spent together in his eyes. I asked him if he was hiding anything from me. I told him I wouldn’t be mad if he can admit it. I wanted him to be more hurt but he defended himself saying he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. I dropped the bomb that I saw his Grindr account. He said he’s not gay or bi or even questioning and that it must be someone else. I didn’t believe him. I told him I knew about him having the account for a long time. I just needed the truth. This is where I take a brief moment to explain that I’ve seen emails and AppStore notifications about Grindr. Stuff like “even if you delete the app it will not stop your subscription “ and I saw he had texts with a man where he said that he (my fiancé) was trying to come through and fuck him. This was the second year of us dating that I found this. I said I saw the notification about Grindr but nothing about the texts. Back then he said it was spam. We lived together already. I left it alone, there wasn’t any other proof of it and I did not know that you had to pay for it back then(yeah I know that the part about the subscription in the notification should’ve tipped me off but I was going through a lot back then) Back to the present, he refused to admit it. I threatened him and he stayed adamant. I asked him if he would tell me if he was gay and he said ofc. That he wouldn’t tell his very religious parents but would tell at least me. He’s been cheated on by a woman being with a woman. I didn’t think he would do that. So I let it go. For then. Then I found femboy porn in his searches. My friend that found this out is becoming trans. I felt sick knowing that my best friend was a better match for him than me. Our sex life is up and down. It’s amazing when it happens but it doesn’t happen often. I’ve gone 8 months without sex at one time during our relationship. 1 time every month to 2 months is our constant average. I was told by other people that while that isn’t normal for our age group, it happens. Since then, I haven’t worn my ring. I’m not cold to him, I still love him with all my heart. I’m still affectionate, but it hurts to sleep next to him. I hate that I have to second guess him. I want this to work but it feels like I’m beating a dead horse. I have no family. I have very few friends and I am the friend out of all my friend groups that has gotten their shit together the most. We have a place together. His family loves me. I know all his friends. I feel like my life is in shambles… Why bring this up today? Because I got STI tests for both of us shortly after this came out (he agreed hesitantly bc he said if I’m clean he’s clean) and it turns out I have stage 1 kidney failure. I may leave this earth and have no one by my side til the end. I’m scared. I’m not going to get treatment, it’s my decision and I don’t want to be on a ton of meds the rest of my life. Is our relationship salvageable? We’ve had so many great times and he has helped me grow as a person so much. Same for me to him. I love that we bring out the best in eachother. But now what… Sorry if I rambled. I would appreciate any advice

I’m an only child, 24F. My mother died when I was 16, and my father died the day after I turned 24. We were the simplest family, eating three meals a day, happy and living like a not-so-perfect family, but it was perfect for me. They weren’t strict and could support whatever I wanted and provide what I needed, but they would explain if it was beyond our budget. Our occasions and holidays were full of joy. I used to get excited when we bought a cake, even just a roll from Red Ribbon (triple chocolate). Most of my memories with my parents were wonderful, and it felt like we never had problems aside from financial issues sometimes because we were just an average family.
That’s why I want someone to explain to me why I became an orphan. Why did my parents have to suffer from the illnesses they had? I was their princess, but now I feel like someone lost in an unknown place.
What’s very painful is that I didn’t even get to graduate from college. I have no money to start anything because my parents didn’t have savings or even insurance. I didn’t inherit a house because we had been renting all this time. We didn’t have a business either. I have no siblings because I’m an only child. I have nothing since my father left me. I can’t even pursue my college education because I still have an outstanding balance. Sometimes, i just cry all alone. Ahhhhhhh 😫 I don’t know where or how to start my life.
But I’m at least thankful for my boyfriend because he took care of me. I’ve become dependent on him; he never obliged me to work because he said he could provide for me. However, I want to earn for myself. Unfortunately, I’ve tried applying for jobs, but they rejected me because I can’t provide school documents due to my unpaid balance. I tried selling digital products, but no one bought anything. I also tried being a TikTok affiliate, but I had few viewers and followers, and no income. I tried taking the civil service exam, but I failed. I don’t know what to do anymore.
My stress is overwhelming. I’ve gained almost 15 kg and am now obese. My menstruation is delayed, my skin isn’t clear anymore, and I have significant hair fall.
I am completely lost. I am not fine. It is really hurts 😭

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/user posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 5th May 2024
Update - 6th May 2024
​
1 New Update
Thanks to u/Small-Bodybuilder160 for finding the update
Final Update - 10th May 2024
​
AITAH for passing out during a family gathering meant to introduce our new baby?
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So, recently I(27F) had a beautiful baby girl with my husband(29M). She's my pride and joy, I love her more than I love myself. But, taking care of her has taken its toll on me. My husband promised the work would be 50/50 when we agreed we wanted children, but I don't feel that's being reflected by his actions this past month.
It's gotten to the point where I can't even ask him to wash her up without him saying something along the lines of, "My paternity leave is short, I want to make the most of it by relaxing a bit. I'll help you out later." And I get it. His paternity leave is only 6 weeks while mine is 16 weeks, but my nether regions hurt like a bitch for a better part of two weeks after the birth and all he could do for me was occasionally burp her.
Now, my baby girl has gotten to a phase where she doesn't want to sleep. She'll sleep for an hour, but then she's up and back to crying and I have to get up and try to soothe her. It's been happening for a week now and I've gotten so little sleep that I'm nodding off while eating or doing tge laundry and stuff. Saturday was the month anniversary of my daughter's birth, so I decided to gather both sides of the family to meet her. (They hadn't met her prior because a)I wanted to rest as much as I could and b)I heard somewhere that you shouldn't be taking babies out and about when they're fresh out the womb cause they're more prone to illness then).
So, we had this gathering at my mother's house and all was well. Everyone was cooing over our baby, there was food, people were catching up or meeting for the 1st time. It was nice. But, I had gotten about 3 hours(generous estimate) of sleep in total the past week and I was starting to feel the effects of it. I was feeling lightheaded and clammy, but I didn't wanna make a scene so I tried to go to a bedroom to lie down. I didn't take 10 steps before my vision completely blacked out.
I wasn't down for long, but I had fallen over which drew some attention. I explained to everyone who was concerned that I was fine and that I was just not getting enough sleep and I could see my husband visibly frown at that. They gave me some of the dessert my aunt made to get my sugar up and the party continued. I felt embarrassed about the whole thing, especially since everyone was still looking over me til we left, but it's whatever
What bothered me is my husband's reaction. When we got home, he started going off on me about how I "made him look bad" and like "he wasn't taking care of me". I was confused on how tf me passing out made HIM look bad, but he refused to explain himself and had a pity party for himself in the kitchen.
I was still feeling bad, so I decided to leave him alone and just to go sleep, but he seems to have taken that as a sign that I don't care about his feelings. He's in my ear this morning about how I just ignored him to go sleep last night and how I didn't even put the baby to sleep before leaving. Is he right? AITAH here?
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Update: So I've tried talking with him, but he's been ignoring me and the baby the last three hours. I'd usually wait longer, but I'm just too tired to deal with this right now. You guys were right, I do need help with this, and he's made it very clear he's not ready to help me yet, so I'm just going to go to my mom's place. I'm currently packing. I'm so done.
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Comments
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sophie_Mal
NTA and I can’t call your husband the names I want to because my comment will be deleted.
Paternity leave isn’t a time to relax, it’s a time you’re helping raise the baby and spending time together as a family. CLEARLY he is not doing either of these things as A. You’d be better rested and B. He’d have noticed you’re exhausted.
You passing out made him look bad because it was clear to everyone that you’re being left to raising your baby alone. It’s clearly not a partnership and the AH you’re married to is turning it onto you to shift responsibility and blame.
You need to seriously reconsider the relationships future and bring this up with him as it all comes down to him and his behaviour. If he gets his shit together, then things will be much better. But if he doesn’t, you and your daughter deserve so much better.
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awaythrowers97
He doesn't know what "paternity leave" is and doesn't really want to take care of his family. Sadly, you can't seem to shake that loser.
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ArticleOld598
This deadbeat of a father and husband is using his 6 weeks to laze around instead of using it taking care of his wife & child.
OP you said you love your baby more than yourself, would you want to let her grow up and think that it's normal for wives to push themselves while they're sleepless and in pain until they faint & husbands to berate them instead of worrying & taking care of them?
Tell your parents that your husband doesn't help you at all & blamed you for "making him look bad". You know what else makes him look bad? Being a deadbeat father and partner.
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**Judgement - NTA*\*
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Update - 1 day later
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Hi all, your comments were really helpful, so thank you!
Yesterday, before I could Uber to my mom's house, my sister offered to help me, so I'm staying with her instead. She's taking PTA to help me out with my girl, which I'm very grateful for. She also gave me sleep medicine that knocked me out for hours (I'm not sure if that was a good idea or not, but I slept long and well so I don't care.)
I woke up a few hours ago to tons, and I mean TONS, of messages from my husband. Like, the little app icon had 99+ on it. Here are some of the things he said(copy pasted):
​

• You cant just up and fucking leve with my baby
• Come back now pls let's talk abt it
• Your actually so fuvking immature wth is wrong with you we have one argument and you fucking pretend like I've been beating you why the hell did you leave????
• We can work this out like adults yet your choosing to be difficult like a little bitch
• Pls just come back we will talk and sort this out and we can go back to being happy so come back
• I miss my baby girl you can't just take her away
• What if I call the police for kidnapping??? Would that teach you wat your doing is wrong???

​
I would screenshot, but it says this community doesnt allow attachments, so i can't. And I know it's a bit weird to tell yall what he's been texting me, but I'm mad right now and this feels therapeutic lol. I already sent the screenshots to his mom though!
As for my baby, I have an appointment to a paediatrician for Wednesday, but for now she's on formula since my breast milk quality isn't the best for understandable reasons. My sister said she wasn't as fussy as I described, so I really think the problem is with my milk. That or my sister wanted to make me feel better for sleeping, who knows. I'll wait for the doctor's opinion.
I'm not feeling 100% but I feel a whole lot more better than before. Thank you to everyone who showed concern! I think this will be the last update since I wanna not think too much about my husband rn.
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Comments
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ZombieJoesBasement
I am sooo glad you left and got some help and rest. You definitely need and deserve it.
I still can't get over your husband's mental gymnastics here. He hasn't been a parent, hasn't helped you at all, and hasn't really spent any time caring for his daughter and only cares about what other people (besides you) think, but "misses his baby girl" and wants you to come back "so we can go back to being happy"?! Sounds like the only person who was happy was him--he got a 6 week vacation and didn't have to lift a finger. Let me guess-you were doing all the cooking and cleaning on top of caring for the baby? From what he is texting you, he thinks he did nothing wrong. He is being deliberately obtuse.
To add insult to injury he calls you a bitch and threatens you with the cops. Lovely. He is a real peach.
I really want to know what his mom has to say. Does she know he was mad at you for passing out?
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Efficient-Cupcake247
Because it isn't about love. It is about control and image. Please keep strong. You have done a fabulous job doing what you need to for you and baby. Best wishes
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blehguardian
To be clear, kidnapping is not involved. Until a custody agreement is submitted to the court, either married parent is legally permitted to take their child for any reason.
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Aggravating-Pipe-903
Damn, this dude is crazy. Hopefully next update it’ll be ex-husband
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**New Updates*\*
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AITAH for passing out during a family gathering meant to introduce our new baby? LAST UPDATE - 4 days later
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For all of you who wanted to know what his mother's reaction was, she yelled at him and he made that my problem. The things he's messaged me are vile. And even though MIL was mad at him and KNOWS what he's been saying to me, she still insisted that I go visit him face to face so we can work things out.
I don't really blame her. He's her son, of course she'd still want to help him, but still....With all the ways he's been threatening me and cussing me out, I really didnt want to see him, but I decided to go. Mostly because I needed the stuff that I left at our house.
I went with my sister for safety, obviously. We got there and he played with our baby, he offered to feed her (she wasn't hungry), just acting completely different from the man texting me about how much of a "heartless bitch" I am. I didn't really feel comfortable having him near me or the baby with how violent his texts were, but she's still his baby. I don't think the courts would favour him after I show his texts, but I thought I should rather be safe and allow him some form of contact before going to court. This was a mistake.
At the end of the visit, I decided I should go pack my stuff, since that was one of the only reason I agreed to come. But, I didn't feel comfortable not being there while he had my baby. Yeah, my sister was there and I trust her, but I'd rather watch her with my own eyes. So, my sister went upstairs to pack for me. As soon as she was gone, he started talking about "See? I'm good now I can take care of her." And other stuff but that wasn't the problem. Even if he became super dad, I wouldn't be able to see him the same. Not after all those messages he sent me.
I told him that and he got pissed at me. I was getting worried since my daughter was still in his arms, so I tried to deescalate his feelings. It didn't work and he started yelling at me for "being heartless" and "stubborn" and whatnot. I wasn't really focused on what he was saying, I was focused on my baby. I tried to reach out for her and he shoved me hard enough to fall back. My sister came down and tried to help, but he shoved her away too and ran to the guest room and locked himself and MY BABY in there. He refused to come out unless my sister left and i stayed behind. I can't tell y'all how scary it is to not know what's happening to your child.
It took officers almost 30 minutes to get him out, which pissed me off. Like I know they were probably trying to assess the danger or whatever but I just wanted my baby. In that 30 minute window he could've shaken her or threw her out the window or something and they were there asking him to come out like he was a child and not breaking down the door. She was fine, though, so I can't be too mad.
They didn't arrest him since "no harm was done" even though my sister and I have bruises to prove otherwise, but they held him outside while I packed my stuff. It actually bothers me that they didn't at least detain him, but there's not much I can do about it now. I don't think I'm going to go near him again. Not with my baby. I'm thinking of going to apply for that emergency custody thing yall were talking about.
This happened on Wednesday and I'm still shaken. It's really depressing, for a lack of better word, seeing how much he's changed. I really loved him and I felt he loved me too. How he's acting is crushing me. I feel deflated. My baby girl and my sister are really the only things keeping me going right now.
I'm sorry for the wall of text, it's just that texting this all out helps me feel better. But, I don't think I want to continue updating. Just know that we're splitting up. Thank you all for your support!!
Extra: after visiting the doctor, I've decided to just skip the hassle and formula feed. She seems happier with formula anyways.
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Comments
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JanetInSpain
OMG document everything. Take pictures of the bruises. Go see a doctor and tell the doctor you just need things documented to protect yourself and your baby. File a police report for assault and both you and your sister write detailed statements of everything that happened. Then apply for emergency custody.
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georgiajl38
Go to the police station and file a report for assault. Screw those cops. They didn't have to take him but the assault report should have definitely been filed. Get in front of a magistrate asap!!!
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Hello fellow redditors,
Wanting to ask your opinion on this.. as i am in dilemma 😬 Sorry for the wall of text, i tried to compress it as much as possible.
I am actively job seeking atm. Am now working in a corporate design job, i was in this company a few years ago, and left 7 years ago due to toxic management. I was put on PIP at that time & left after a fews months, without any job lined up. I went back there 1.5 years ago, as my good colleague poached me & told me that the culture is better now (good people manager & support).. bad mistake. 1 year in, things were really great & i was really happy to be back. Then there was change in the team, and sales were declining, so it has been a stressful time for me, as my workload doubled up within a short period of time. On top of that, they put me on a coaching plan for 8weeks. Basically i have to improve, and if not, i will be put on PIP. I have been working my ass off the past few months, it was one of my darkest times 😥 had so many nights i cried & felt like a zombie. The outcome of my hardwork looks really good though, and everyone can see that too. But some feedback from management is that there are still things to be improved. Towards the end of the coaching plan, my team leader said that seems like nothing bad will happen, but its pending review from hr & upper management. I also told her that i have been working above & beyond & she acknowledges that. It is still pending now, as some people are away. Apparently my manager (my team leader’s manager) is also going thru the same thing (PIP). She is taking a personal leave now & heard rumours we are unsure if she is coming back 😰
I have been interviewing in some companies. Most of them were unsuccessful. I had a 2nd interview last week & the decision will be made this week. My only concern is: they keep saying it is a high pressure fast paced role, as it is quite a small team, they are a serious fun company. They also need employees to be on site 5days, no flexible working. It takes me 1,5 hour to get there (one way). And the pay is lower than my current (they asked whether im willing to take paycut at 1st interview).
If my current situation is not as uncertain, i wouldn’t probably take the role if offered.. but because it is really uncertain now, I dont know if i should just take it when offered & if it gets too toxic then i can always look for another role ?
Thanks in advanced 🙏🏻

I will be very specific when i say bad genetic. Some kind of problem you have with your body that doesn't let you build muscle. For instance, me, complete normal man. Can't see anything wrong on my body. One thing everyone notice will be my bad form while lifting weights. Cannot build muscle without proper form, you will see some gains but not enough' That's what i say. And because to my "bad genetics" that directly impact my form, I'm planning on to stop gym. More exact..my scapula/the back part below rear dealts/external rotation in shoulders...i belive my muscles are weak/missing that keep the scapula attached to the back. This thing doesn't let me train my chest, shoulder, arms, core, back. And whats more is its not equal f*cked up in left and right scapula. Right upper scapula is more stable. Which makes right hand side body a little bit more strong and more muscles. Now after a year in the Gym my body have visible uneven shoulders and other muscles too. After almost a year in gym i have gone from 96kg to 84 kg. But i look exactly the same with skinny fat. Well that was my case. And to mention i have been doing weird stretches and exercise for few weeks now without any results, so maybe i can't fix this thing. So my question is what exactly you should do when you have bad genetic? Lets be honest if a person don't see results the motivation dies and even more, if he still continues without being motivated its just becomes depressing. I used to enjoy Gym and training in start too.

Has anyone gone on accutane a second time since starting trt?
I was on accutane as a teenager and the side effects ruined my life in terms of mood/depression, joint pain, and libido but it definitely got rid of my acne.
Fast forward 18 years and I (32M) have started trt and have really bad back and shoulder acne. Tried all the typical treatments besides oral antibiotics and accutane.
Looking for experience taking accutane for a second time since starting trt to see if your experience has changed since the first time you took it.

Very dumbed down description here:
middle - Kogenik, my main OC. A Russian guy with heavy-ass double-edged tungsten blade. Very op because somehow he got bloodlines from 2 Separate gods from either side of his family. Prolly explains how he managed to lift the blade effortlessly. He’s also a member of Division 42, and he just so happens to knock down all of the top 5 (except Erika, of course.), but is still ranked 6th because he’s kinda stupid at guns. If you’re asking, yes. He became the mascot ICON of the Division 42.
Left - Prakan, a Thai guy who’s finding some engineering work, and struck gold on the Division 42, same division as Kogenik and the girl on the right. He’s the person who worked on the prosthetic for Kogenik, and became Kogenik’s best bud. (P.s. he got a strength suit under his jacket so that explains how he lift his gun)
Right - Erika, a German girl who’s the 1st in power scale and the De-Facto leader of the Division 42. She’s the person who’s interested in Kogenik’s ^uhhhh Fighting skills, and his… looks? (spoiler alert: She became girlfriend with him, you are hereby allowed to make ship art of both). Also yea she got some crazy wicked Deutschemagic going on, yes it’s purple so I can just make her go Imaginary Technique: PURPLE!
Dang this is long

Has anyone gone on accutane a second time since starting trt?
I was on accutane as a teenager and the side effects ruined my life in terms of mood/depression, joint pain, and libido but it definitely got rid of my acne.
Fast forward 18 years and I (32M) have started trt and have really bad back and shoulder acne. Tried all the typical treatments besides oral antibiotics and accutane.
Looking for experience taking accutane for a second time since starting trt to see if your experience has changed since the first time you took it.

I’m at a loss and not sure what’s going on with me, I’ve felt alone on it for too long so was truthfully happy when I stumbled across y’all. It’s a long story and a lot but I’ll try not to make it too boring or too long but I apologize ahead of time- I’m 26 , almost a year ago now last summer in August 2023 I had a painful sensitive reaction to my clitoris. Started as one little painful “bump” that went away over night, & over the course of maybe 2 weeks turned to about 8 painful bumps that appeared and disappear, only on my clitoris. I was tested for everything & noticed after getting one of the bumps swabbed it had turned white before it went away (more on this later). About a week after these bumps, my whole clitoris had a reaction; it got swollen and lumpy and really sore. The reaction lasted for 2 days or so however the nerve pain/sensitivity it left is still something I’m dealing with. My clitoris burned and felt raw for months after this, like someone had literally taken sandpaper and rubbed my clit with it. I couldn’t wear legging or jeans for over 4 months and had trouble sitting down some days because any movement of my clitoris or the hood was too sensitive and kinda painful. It being about 9 months later and still having this sensitivity im being told it’s clitorodynia. A little medical background to the situation- First OBGYN saw me during the 3rd “bump” (almost a week after my first bump appeared and disappeared), told me it did not look like herpes and that it usually doesn’t go away overnight, swabbed that bump and blood tested me for everything and gave me a steroid cream to help if it was a cut- all tests came back negative for STDs. Second visit with OBGYN after my whole clitoris had that lumpy painful reaction, told her that after the swab the one “bump” had turned white and just gone away, she shrugged and told me the tests were fine so maybe its an allergic reaction and assured me the swab would’ve told me if it was herpes, put me on gabapentin for 2 weeks to try and help the pain plus a round of antibiotics (with fluconazole to avoid yeast infection). fast forward maybe 2 months, I was frustrated and went to a different OBGYN who tested and swabbed me again, this time again everything was negative however HHV6 had come up on the bloodwork. This newer OBGYN had no idea what that was but says “seems like herpes”, also told me I had PCOS and that whatever pain I still had lingering was considered vulvodynia, sent me home with a pain cream and oral medication for herpes. Frustrated with a sore clitoris and no answers, I went to a dermatologist. they saw my prior bloodwork and also confirmed from pictures it did not appear as herpes and told me the HHV6 on prior bloodwork was basically just chicken pox from when I was little. answer for my clitoris was fissures from a yeast infection, gave me nystatin. applied that for a few weeks but I couldn’t deal with it anymore and needed help, I went to a holistic doctor. holistic doctor went through all my history and said doesn’t appear as herpes but the nerve pain I still felt with no bumps anymore was interesting. mentioned possibly lichen sclerosis planus, sent me to get more labs done to help her understand and get answers (have not gotten these labs done yet due to finances and truthfully just being over the testing for this). spoke to a close family friend about it and mentioned the lasting nerve pain and HHV6, they mentioned it sounded like nerve pain they had when they went through shingles, recommended I start amino acids (noticed a difference in the nerve pain after maybe a month taking them). The last 3 months I was finally able to start wearing leggings and even jeans when I’m doing good, I still have this weird sensitivity to my clitoris. I haven’t been able to wipe after using the restroom since my first month, been having to pat dry. Last 2 weeks I was able to somewhat start accepting the answer being clitorodynia and maybe keratin pearls. However my worst nightmare occurred in the shower last night when I noticed a white “bump” on my clitoris and on my hood; looking just like the white bump did after the first gynecologist swabbed it. So now I’m alarmed, confused and concerned. I’m thanking God it doesn’t hurt like it did my first few months but can still tell it’s sensitive down there. I’ve been fighting as my own health advocate for almost a year now with this and I just want answers. I haven’t had sex with my boyfriend or even shaved down there since before this all happened even though I’ve been cleared by all doctors to shave or have sex. but because nobody knows what it is or what caused it I’m scared to do anything in fear that the initial pain and sensitivity I felt will come back. So I’ll be going back to get this swabbed and looked at again (swabbed as long as the bump is still there tomorrow) in addition to the holistic doctors bloodwork and I’m truly hoping to find answers this time. I feel like a fraction of the woman I was; I feel so alone in this. Please, if you have any advice I’m more than willing to listen.

I will be very specific when i say bad genetic. Some kind of problem you have with your body that doesn't let you build muscle. For instance, me, complete normal man. Can't see anything wrong on my body. One thing everyone notice will be my bad form while lifting weights. Cannot build muscle without proper form, you will see some gains but not enough' That's what i say. And because to my "bad genetics" that directly impact my form, I'm planning on to stop gym. More exact..my scapula/the back part below rear dealts/external rotation in shoulders...i belive my muscles are weak/missing that keep the scapula attached to the back. This thing doesn't let me train my chest, shoulder, arms, core, back. And whats more is its not equal f*cked up in left and right scapula. Right upper scapula is more stable. Which makes right hand side body a little bit more strong and more muscles. Now after a year in the Gym my body have visible uneven shoulders and other muscles too. After almost a year in gym i have gone from 96kg to 84 kg. But i look exactly the same with skinny fat. Well that was my case. And to mention i have been doing weird stretches and exercise for few weeks now without any results, so maybe i can't fix this thing. So my question is what exactly you should do when you have bad genetic? Lets be honest if a person don't see results the motivation dies and even more, if he still continues without being motivated its just becomes depressing. I used to enjoy Gym and training in start too.

Doc says it’s ovulation pain, which I suspected myself because I am due to ovulating tomorrow. I’ve had a history of getting these kinds of pains, but they would usually only last a few hours/1 day and could be cured with pain meds and keeping a hot water bottle on my abdomen. But this pain is lasting way longer, and anything I do to help it doesn’t work. The pain was so bad last night that I couldn’t sleep, I was practically howling the neighbourhood down. The pain worsens when I walk around, but I get slight relief when I sit down. I’ve been sent for an ultrasound but my Dr. said it could be weeks before I get seen. Has any of you ever experienced such pain? Did it end up being something worse? Is an ultrasound even enough to examine issues with ovaries?

I’ve posted about my fiancée and his penile issue /peyronies. Well, he did get images done finally. How folks are able to get into urologists within a couple weeks and all that stuff is mind blowing considering it takes at least a few months here. Very jealous!
Urologist 1- Spent 5 mins barely doing anything and complained about previous patient the entire time. Didn’t do any exam and left. Most told was to come back 1 year after any pain subsided. He said it was peyronies. This felt super off to us. Which lead to seeking a second opinion.
Urologist 2- He had this appointment already set up when he saw the first doc however it wasn’t for like 6 months. Finally got in there. Fairly discrete, they had the male PA do the palpitating then the women doctor came in afterwards. She confirmed her colleague felt the scar tissue area and said it was peyronies, however given the description of the curvature warned some curves / twisting cannot be helped by injection. Told to have penetrative sex and scheduled an ultrasound.
Fast forward to imaging appt. He said again, they had a male tech do all the ‘embarrassing’ stuff. Then she came in, injected the viagra stuff in and told him the tech would be back in about 7 mins but to work up an erection in the meantime… as fiancée stated, this was a surprise to him and just freaky as hell. They put porn on and left him to get it up. As he said, no amount of viagra is going to help him in that situation.
By the time tech came back, he said between the needle site aching like crazy, the whole situation and the tech handling his semi erect member, he couldn’t maintain anything. I told him that tech also has a penis and has seen his fair share most likely. Not a great comfort to him, I guess.
Fast forward, after all done he went and waited in another room. Doctor comes in and tells him there was no curvature and that one of two tubes that carries blood into the shaft was damaged not holding blood in place and, as he said, there was a lot of jargon tossed about he didn’t quite understand and next thing he knew he was being scheduled for an inflatable penile implant surgery… he was very confused wth just happened.
And so, since that appointment, he has since called off the scheduled surgery as it didn’t make sense to him. He still gets and maintains erections like a teenager, he performs fine during sex, if not climax much faster than before all this began over a year again due to, as he said, it not feeling like his own penis. There’s just a large bite mark below the head and a twist/curve downward.
So, we discussed this and think a third opinion is justifiable since there’s two diagnosis, add in that the second doc is a surgeon so he’s not convinced she just wants to operate regardless.
Any advice?
It makes no sense to us the second appt they confirmed there was peyronie’s evidenced, however the twist and curve (via photo he showed) would make treatment difficult yet next appt for imagining claims there’s nothing there…
Edit: He is 46, taking 5mg of Taladafil nightly. He’s lost some girth mainly from the bite mark looking area under the head and it now twists to the right and down. Has used the stretchy contraption daily along with manually stretching with his hands throughout the day.

here we go..
i feel like i wasted most of my time in my life, not doing anything, caring about stuff that now doesnt matter anymore; i wasted too many times in places that i dont belong anymore; wasted time in people that i dont know anymore, wasted emotions in pain that no one cared to provoque, and all i have left now is wounds i dont know how to heal...
I wasted my life focusing on vicious things, very bad habits that led me nowhere, and now im desperated in a rush to find meaning and purpose in my life feeling that im too old to do it..
I feel shame when i compare myself to others around my age or even younger, so many people have already acomplished alot in their 20's and mines are just gone!
I wanna do things different but i get so easly paralized;
Everything or everyone sometimes makes me annoyed, even some little chat with someone or small talk feels stupid for me; and im not better than anyone i can asure that.
my mind all day works in 1000x hour, it doesnt stop, creating scenarios where id get hurt or embarrased, my mind goes to places where i felt ashamed or hurt constantly and is annoying because i became very aware of it.
I wanna forgive and forget, but it doesnt seem that simple.
thats is for now, bye

Since late 2021/early 2022 I've been getting this back pain every few weeks sometimes just one day and it goes away until a few weeks later and sometimes a few days in a row on and off.
It starts with an upper back pain that then always makes my throat tighten up and makes it feel like it's hard to breathe. Then if the back pain gets even worse, it also makes my jaw/bottom teeth on my right hurt. And if the pain gets even more worse again it also makes my right ear hurt.
The pain only very slowly goes away after a while. It helps to lay down on my back but I have to lay on a completely flat surface otherwise it just keeps getting worse. Laying down slowly helps it stop but that's about the only thing I can do to make it go away until it comes back next time.
It hurts a lot having to deal with it at work where I stand up all day. I do have a job making food and I have to lean down a lot to cook stuff but I don't think the pain is from that because I didn't have that job until a year after the pain started.
I've seen my GP about it and at first she said maybe because my core is unbalanced but then I the next time I saw her she said it's weird that my pain goes up and that I should see a physio about it.
Asking here to see if anyone else has had similar pain.

I'm (25F) and I'm just getting to the point where I'm starting not to care about the people society tells me I should care about aka my family.
I've gotten food, clothes, shelter, video games, but my environment has been pretty unstable. My mom always had me around someone mentally unstable..I got pretty much everything I wanted financially but emotionally..no. sometimes they would be nice and other times they would act like a crazy person..cursing me out when I was a child, choking me out, threatening me for no reason. I just took it because everyone around me acted like it was normal and didn't step in to do anything especially my mom. She just had the same blank expression on her face anytime something wrong was being done to me.
I went NC for years because I got tired of the bipolar routine my mom used to pull of the time and the passive aggressive remarks. I had to go back because I became homeless..during the time I got blamed for my situation by everyone around me and told that,"God was punishing me and was going to keep punishing me until I went back and took care of my mom." I was broken down so much and had no where to go I just went back..I was 90 pounds. Of course my family acted oblivious and acted like they had no idea what was going on and just blamed me for overreacting.
I'm just emotionally checked out now from most people. I don't try to interact with people outside, avoid conversations most of the day. Most of my energy is spent on my mom because she talks to me all day and doesn't care to shut up most of the time..she still pulls the Dr Jekel and Mr Hyde routine all of the time.. I'm just numb to it. She'll be fine for one minute and then go on a rant a minute after talking about she's so smart and imply that I'm not..if you're so smart then why don't you have your own house in your 40's and why are you relying on a 20 something year old to do mostly everything for you?
Yesterday her mood switched randomly for no reason and she just started nitpicking and started micromanging me. She got angry and said I don't think and she thinks about everything..no she doesn't. She uses my autism to attack me and thinks I don't notice..like what kind of parent fucking does that? She reacts before she thinks all of the time..she just projects her bad qualities and failures onto me and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the victim mentality, I'm sick of everyone feeling sorry for her and making me feel bad, I'm sick of being blamed for her failures. If she didn't want me she should've had an abortion but no she just wanted someone to dump her pain and trauma onto.
I remember a few weeks ago she was really sick and I was secretly hoping she would just die so I can be done with this..she's draining as hell to deal with. I just didn't leave because I don't have the money to and I'm not stupid enough to trust someone to save me or help me out..I thought people would help me out the last time I left but they just took advantage once they heard I had a mentally ill highly narcissistic parent.
With the whole helicopter parenting being normalized by Gen xers t's been even harder for me to get actual help from professionals. I've been to therapy on and off multiple times and I'm always being asked to compromise..I have been fucking compromising..all of my life can my mom compromise for once? Then when I asked my therapists that they'll just stare at me and imply I was the problem.
My family pretty much threatened to stalk me if I left again..I believe them because they have nothing else better to do. On top of that her weird ex said they would stalk me too if I left without saying anything.I'm planning on eventually moving out of the country without saying anything and starting over. I'm sick of it..I'm sick of saying the same thing over and over again just to be threatened and shut down, I'm sick of people saying I'm an adult and I need to just become homeless while they live comfortably in their parents home, I'm sick of trying to have boundaries only to be screamed at and told my feelings don't matter, I'm sick of being told I'm playing the victim and then people trying to act like theyre being victimized by me when I don't even care about them. "youRe a Bad PErson! YOuRe SelfiSh!" So leave me alone..why are so harassing someone you think is so selfish and evil?
I guess my brain is trying to protect me from going insane because I've went through so much abuse from my family and then from outsiders saying they just wanted to "help me" once they found out I have a dysfunctional family. I'm still struggling with limerence but I think it's finally starting to fade now..now I just get disgusted when I think about my LO..I've been avoiding speaking to him for weeks at a time. I really have just been wanting to be left alone.

Suffering from terminal illness with less than 2 years left to live I feel like dying more quickly to end my sufferings for so long I cannot bear anymore. Everyday I wake up my pain is what I remember before taking my pills to alleviate but that doesn't help me anymore. Suffer for 2 years or dies early before I am constantly in pain throughout my final moments. I will make sure I'll be gone before that happens. All my assets will go to my only family my sister that I loved her so much. I will regret it but I have no choice but to depart early from this forsaken place.