TL/DR: How do I stop my upcoming siege from becoming a boring and mindless hack and slash?
​
Hello, I'll try and be brief on this but bear with me. The siege of Krezk is going to be a pivotal part of my Curse of Strahd campaign, I want it to feel that way. But I'm not entirely sure on how to prevent this becoming a boring combat mess. I know I need to make 'mini missions' that aren't always combat focused but I have no ideas. There should be lulls in the battle so the players have a break and so on and so on. But my problem is that I don't know how to do this stuff, I'm low on ideas and I really want to nail this for my group.
​

• Context

I am the DM of a group that is pretty much at the endgame of Curse of Strahd. My party of two players (both martial classes & level 10) have left the Amber Temple with the Sunwsord in hand and have made it to Krezk to then go kill Strahd. But this is CoS, nothing goes to plan.
Strahd has summoned the army that he conquered Barovia with centuries ago, assigned Anastrasya as commander so that he can seize Ireena (who is at Krezk). The army was at Vallaki (Watcher has control of that town) and now is marching towards Krezk. They'll march slow, hoping Krezk will be consumed by terror and make an easy victory. (Strahd's plan is for Krezk to be consumed by the siege and he can go in and 'save' Ireena).
But my party is trying to make sure that doesn't happen. While they head off to Argynvostholt to get some help (I have separate plans for that), the people of Krezk will prepare for the siege with basic training from the town guard and moving everyone to the empty abbey, a more defendable location (the party murdered the Abbot previously).
The next couple sessions will be them preparing for the siege. But afterwards is where my issue lies.
​

• The Siege of Krezk Help

I have watched some videos and read things on how to run sieges. I know that it is best to avoid loads of combat and make it quick and fast with the party having small missions to complete (eg. getting from one side of the battlefield to the other to deliver a message about the undead attack on the right flank)
This is my problem. I don't have enough ideas for these 'mini quests' during the siege (like the one above). I don't know how to make sure the whole thing doesn't turn into a huge combat mess (eg. the walls being toppled very quickly with the entire army in the abbey). I'm not sure how to make sure the party/besiegers have a fairish fight.
I also want some other things in my back pocket during the waves (it can't be a constant force of undead realistically to be fun). What could this include? Helping injured fighters, keeping lookout etc.
I'm also struggling on what monsters I can use. I want things that Strahd would have used when he originally conquered Barovia. I suppose I could use an Ogre statblock for an undead solider but I need more ideas. What monsters could be re-skinned to be part of a besieging army force?
Whatever happens I know the players will eventually break free of Krezk and find Anastrasya and kill her (she is the literal 'brain' of the operation, without her the undead are easy pickings). Volenta will also be running about during the siege, providing a fun mini boss for the party to handle. But I need to fill in the time before with something that is enjoyable.
​

• Help, please..

I don't want this is be boring for my players. I know I need a rigid-ish plan of the siege (attackers here, then there, then party deals with this problem then that issue). What I really need is some advice on how to run the siege, some interesting monsters, how to keep it flowing and ideas for the 'mini quests' I mentioned beforehand.
Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening to my ramble.

I'm (25F) and I'm just getting to the point where I'm starting not to care about the people society tells me I should care about aka my family.
I've gotten food, clothes, shelter, video games, but my environment has been pretty unstable. My mom always had me around someone mentally unstable..I got pretty much everything I wanted financially but emotionally..no. sometimes they would be nice and other times they would act like a crazy person..cursing me out when I was a child, choking me out, threatening me for no reason. I just took it because everyone around me acted like it was normal and didn't step in to do anything especially my mom. She just had the same blank expression on her face anytime something wrong was being done to me.
I went NC for years because I got tired of the bipolar routine my mom used to pull of the time and the passive aggressive remarks. I had to go back because I became homeless..during the time I got blamed for my situation by everyone around me and told that,"God was punishing me and was going to keep punishing me until I went back and took care of my mom." I was broken down so much and had no where to go I just went back..I was 90 pounds. Of course my family acted oblivious and acted like they had no idea what was going on and just blamed me for overreacting.
I'm just emotionally checked out now from most people. I don't try to interact with people outside, avoid conversations most of the day. Most of my energy is spent on my mom because she talks to me all day and doesn't care to shut up most of the time..she still pulls the Dr Jekel and Mr Hyde routine all of the time.. I'm just numb to it. She'll be fine for one minute and then go on a rant a minute after talking about she's so smart and imply that I'm not..if you're so smart then why don't you have your own house in your 40's and why are you relying on a 20 something year old to do mostly everything for you?
Yesterday her mood switched randomly for no reason and she just started nitpicking and started micromanging me. She got angry and said I don't think and she thinks about everything..no she doesn't. She uses my autism to attack me and thinks I don't notice..like what kind of parent fucking does that? She reacts before she thinks all of the time..she just projects her bad qualities and failures onto me and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the victim mentality, I'm sick of everyone feeling sorry for her and making me feel bad, I'm sick of being blamed for her failures. If she didn't want me she should've had an abortion but no she just wanted someone to dump her pain and trauma onto.
I remember a few weeks ago she was really sick and I was secretly hoping she would just die so I can be done with this..she's draining as hell to deal with. I just didn't leave because I don't have the money to and I'm not stupid enough to trust someone to save me or help me out..I thought people would help me out the last time I left but they just took advantage once they heard I had a mentally ill highly narcissistic parent.
With the whole helicopter parenting being normalized by Gen xers t's been even harder for me to get actual help from professionals. I've been to therapy on and off multiple times and I'm always being asked to compromise..I have been fucking compromising..all of my life can my mom compromise for once? Then when I asked my therapists that they'll just stare at me and imply I was the problem.
My family pretty much threatened to stalk me if I left again..I believe them because they have nothing else better to do. On top of that her weird ex said they would stalk me too if I left without saying anything.I'm planning on eventually moving out of the country without saying anything and starting over. I'm sick of it..I'm sick of saying the same thing over and over again just to be threatened and shut down, I'm sick of people saying I'm an adult and I need to just become homeless while they live comfortably in their parents home, I'm sick of trying to have boundaries only to be screamed at and told my feelings don't matter, I'm sick of being told I'm playing the victim and then people trying to act like theyre being victimized by me when I don't even care about them. "youRe a Bad PErson! YOuRe SelfiSh!" So leave me alone..why are so harassing someone you think is so selfish and evil?
I guess my brain is trying to protect me from going insane because I've went through so much abuse from my family and then from outsiders saying they just wanted to "help me" once they found out I have a dysfunctional family. I'm still struggling with limerence but I think it's finally starting to fade now..now I just get disgusted when I think about my LO..I've been avoiding speaking to him for weeks at a time. I really have just been wanting to be left alone.

TL/DR: How do I stop the siege I have planned from becoming a boring and mindless hack and slash?
​
Hello, I'll try and be brief on this but bear with me. The siege of Krezk is going to be a pivotal part of my Curse of Strahd campaign, I want it to feel that way. But I'm not entirely sure on how to prevent this becoming a boring combat mess. I know I need to make 'mini missions' that aren't always combat focused but I have no ideas. There should be lulls in the battle so the players have a break and so on and so on. But my problem is that I don't know how to do this stuff, I'm low on ideas and I really want to nail this for my group.
​

• Context

I am the DM of a group that is pretty much at the endgame of Curse of Strahd. My party of two players (both martial classes & level 10) have left the Amber Temple with the Sunwsord in hand and have made it to Krezk to then go kill Strahd. But this is CoS, nothing goes to plan.
Strahd has summoned the army that he conquered Barovia with centuries ago, assigned Anastrasya as commander so that he can seize Ireena (who is at Krezk). The army was at Vallaki (Watcher has control of that town) and now is marching towards Krezk. They'll march slow, hoping Krezk will be consumed by terror and make an easy victory. (Strahd's plan is for Krezk to be consumed by the siege and he can go in and 'save' Ireena).
But my party is trying to make sure that doesn't happen. While they head off to Argynvostholt to get some help (I have separate plans for that), the people of Krezk will prepare for the siege with basic training from the town guard and moving everyone to the empty abbey, a more defendable location (the party murdered the Abbot previously).
The next couple sessions will be them preparing for the siege. But afterwards is where my issue lies.
​

• Siege Help

I have watched some videos and read things on how to run sieges. I know that it is best to avoid loads of combat and make it quick and fast with the party having small missions to complete (eg. getting from one side of the battlefield to the other to deliver a message about the undead attack on the right flank)
This is my problem. I don't have enough ideas for these 'mini quests' during the siege (like the one above). I don't know how to make sure the whole thing doesn't turn into a huge combat mess (eg. the walls being toppled very quickly with the entire army in the abbey). I'm not sure how to make sure the party/besiegers have a fairish fight.
I also want some other things in my back pocket during the waves (it can't be a constant force of undead realistically to be fun). What could this include? Helping injured fighters, keeping lookout etc.
I'm also struggling on what monsters I can use. I want things that Strahd would have used when he originally conquered Barovia. I suppose I could use an Ogre statblock for an undead solider but I need more ideas. What monsters could be re-skinned to be part of a besieging army force?
Whatever happens I know the players will eventually break free of Krezk and find Anastrasya and kill her (she is the literal 'brain' of the operation, without her the undead are easy pickings). Volenta will also be running about during the siege, providing a fun mini boss for the party to handle. But I need to fill in the time before with something that is enjoyable.
​

• Help, please..

I don't want this is be boring for my players. I know I need a rigid-ish plan of the siege (attackers here, then there, then party deals with this problem then that issue). What I really need is some advice on how to run the siege, some interesting monsters, how to keep it flowing and ideas for the 'mini quests' I mentioned beforehand.
Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening to my ramble.

TL/DR: How do I stop the Siege of Krezk from becoming a boring and mindless hack and slash?
​
Hello, I'll try and be brief on this but bear with me. The siege of Krezk is going to be a pivotal part of my Curse of Strahd campaign, I want it to feel that way. But I'm not entirely sure on how to prevent this becoming a boring combat mess. I know I need to make 'mini missions' that aren't always combat focused but I have no ideas. There should be lulls in the battle so the players have a break and so on and so on. But my problem is that I don't know how to do this stuff, I'm low on ideas and I really want to nail this for my group.
​

• Context

I am the DM of a group that is pretty much at the endgame of Curse of Strahd. My party of two players (both martial classes & level 10) have left the Amber Temple with the Sunwsord in hand and have made it to Krezk to then go kill Strahd. But this is CoS, nothing goes to plan.
Strahd has summoned the army that he conquered Barovia with centuries ago, assigned Anastrasya as commander so that he can seize Ireena (who is at Krezk). The army was at Vallaki (Watcher has control of that town) and now is marching towards Krezk. They'll march slow, hoping Krezk will be consumed by terror and make an easy victory. (Strahd's plan is for Krezk to be consumed by the siege and he can go in and 'save' Ireena).
But my party is trying to make sure that doesn't happen. While they head off to Argynvostholt to get some help (I have separate plans for that), the people of Krezk will prepare for the siege with basic training from the town guard and moving everyone to the empty abbey, a more defendable location (the party murdered the Abbot previously).
The next couple sessions will be them preparing for the siege. But afterwards is where my issue lies.
​

• The Siege of Krezk Help

I have watched some videos and read things on how to run sieges. I know that it is best to avoid loads of combat and make it quick and fast with the party having small missions to complete (eg. getting from one side of the battlefield to the other to deliver a message about the undead attack on the right flank)
This is my problem. I don't have enough ideas for these 'mini quests' during the siege (like the one above). I don't know how to make sure the whole thing doesn't turn into a huge combat mess (eg. the walls being toppled very quickly with the entire army in the abbey). I'm not sure how to make sure the party/besiegers have a fairish fight.
I also want some other things in my back pocket during the waves (it can't be a constant force of undead realistically to be fun). What could this include? Helping injured fighters, keeping lookout etc.
I'm also struggling on what monsters I can use. I want things that Strahd would have used when he originally conquered Barovia. I suppose I could use an Ogre statblock for an undead solider but I need more ideas. What monsters could be re-skinned to be part of a besieging army force?
Whatever happens I know the players will eventually break free of Krezk and find Anastrasya and kill her (she is the literal 'brain' of the operation, without her the undead are easy pickings). Volenta will also be running about during the siege, providing a fun mini boss for the party to handle. But I need to fill in the time before with something that is enjoyable.
​

• Help, please..

I don't want this is be boring for my players. I know I need a rigid-ish plan of the siege (attackers here, then there, then party deals with this problem then that issue). What I really need is some advice on how to run the siege, some interesting monsters, how to keep it flowing and ideas for the 'mini quests' I mentioned beforehand.
Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening to my ramble.

Hello Relationships,
I'm a 21-year-old male struggling with the abrupt end of a 6-year friendship with a 20-year-old female. Our friendship has been a cornerstone of my life, and I am at a loss about how to proceed after several failed attempts to reconnect. I'm looking for advice on how to handle this situation, process my emotions, and perhaps find a way towards closure.
Background:

• Ages & Genders: I'm 21M, and my lost friend is 20F.
  
• Relationship Length: We were friends from the 10th grade until I left for France after the 12th grade.
  

The Problem:
We met in the 10th grade in a simple, unassuming way. I was the guy who fell for the girl who couldn't see him in the same light. Despite this mismatch of emotions, we crafted a friendship that felt both genuine and profound. I cherished those moments, even when I stumbled through my feelings and the occasional, almost comedic, rejections that became an inside joke between us.
By the 11th grade, the texture of our friendship began to change. There were moments that, in their seeming insignificance, spoke volumes about the growing distance between us. I remember the sting I felt when she declined the cookies I had baked, a small act that somehow felt like a rejection of more than just my culinary efforts. She avoided simple gestures of friendship, like hugs, which she bestowed freely on others, and this inconsistency gnawed at me, though I rarely showed it.
Despite these moments, I clung to the positive aspects of our connection, valuing each laugh and conversation, hoping they outweighed the awkwardness and pain.
Switching to a new school in the 12th grade felt like it might be the end of our story, but life had other plans. A mistaken message reconnected us, and suddenly we were talking more deeply and frequently than ever before. This period was a highlight of my life; our daily exchanges and occasional outings felt like the fulfillment of a friendship that had taken years to mature.
We took a trip together just before I left to study abroad. It brought us closer than ever, but it also left us in an awkward limbo. I departed for France filled with a mix of hope and confusion, only to find our communication lines suddenly and painfully cut off. Alone in a new country, I found the silence from her almost deafening, exacerbating the challenges of adjusting to a new life and academic pressures.
Feeling lost and overwhelmed, I navigated a complex bureaucratic maze to return to Portugal, hoping to resolve the silence that had settled between us. I faced every logistical nightmare imaginable - from navigating foreign cities with a recently healed broken arm to dealing with a cascade of administrative hurdles - all for a chance to clear the air with her.
Back in Portugal, my attempts to reach her were met with a wall of silence. Messages, calls, and even a visit to her doorstep led nowhere. When I spoke to her brother, his advice was to move on, but it was a message from her phone - clearly not written by her - that told me all I didn't want to believe.
My Questions:

1. How can I process this sudden end to a friendship that was so important to me? I feel stuck in a loop of reminiscing about the good times and being hurt by the silence. How do I begin to move past this?
2. Is there a respectful way to seek closure when the other person has cut off all communication? I want to respect her wishes but also find some way to understand what happened for my own peace of mind.
3. What are effective strategies for coping with the complex emotions that come from losing a close friend in such an abrupt manner? I'm finding it hard to navigate the daily reminder of her absence, especially when I see mutual friends or visit places we used to go together.
4. Can a friendship end without closure, and how do people generally move on from such experiences? I know closure isn’t always possible, but I’m struggling with accepting this. How do others handle similar situations?

TL;DR: After a deep 6-year friendship, my friend (20F) and I (21M) have lost touch since I moved abroad. Despite attempts to reconnect, I've been met with silence. I'm seeking advice on how to process this loss, seek closure, and manage my emotions.

I (23M) have been together with (25F) for 8 months in a long-distance relationship. Our connection began on LinkedIn over a business inquiry, which blossomed into a personal bond after a series of calls and messages. Initially, I was skeptical, thinking it might be a scam, but her persistence and our subsequent Zoom call changed my mind. We've grown closer, sharing flirty banter and personal stories, and we've even started to discuss future plans despite the challenges posed by distance and personal commitments.
We've talked about meeting up, possibly in Cape Town for her birthday or in Kenya, but there are obstacles. I've just started a new job in Johannesburg, so traveling is difficult, and she faces restrictions from her family's expectations. Despite these hurdles, our relationship is strong; we communicate openly and share values like loyalty, trust, and respect. She rated our relationship an 8.7 out of 10, acknowledging the doubts that come with distance but also the strength of our connection.
I'm reaching out for advice on whether to continue pursuing this relationship. We've both had experiences with long-distance relationships before and didn't enjoy them, but we're deeply invested in what we have. We're willing to make compromises, but I wonder if it's worth it in the long run.
TL;DR I have been in a long distance relationship for 8 months, is it worth it for me to continue pursuing the relationship?

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I ‘M26’ have been in a loving relationship with my girlfriend ‘F25’ for one and a half years. Shes a nurse and her best friend ‘M25’ is a Doctor at the same hospital. She has known him for about 4 months now and they have gotten really close now… bff type. Now I have met the guy and hung out with him a few times, he is really sweet and nice and does have good intentions with my girlfriend… the only problem is he overdoes things to the extent where I feel like he may have feelings for her but masks it as just being friends.
Extra details about things he does: 1. He has recently started dropping her home every day and I think that is great but he goes out of his way to do it - his house is in the opposite direction of my girlfriend, sometimes when he is at another health center (located about 20 mins away ) he will still be at the hospital in time to drop her home. 2. He calls her baby and babe but will occasionally switch to bro also. 3. Whenever my girlfriend mentions something she likes such as a certain type of car or a house in a certain location or generally anything about her future he responds with ‘don’t worry we’ll get it in the future’ or ‘we’ll have it in the future’ emphasis on his use of ‘We’ 4. My girlfriend has plans to move abroad in the not so distant future and so do I (I before her) and so does her best friend and whenever she mentions that it may be hard to cope in a new country his response is ‘dont worry I’ll be there with you’. He does know I will be moving abroad also and its not the fact that hes saying that - that is fine, its the fact that hes not saying ‘ don’t worry we will be there for you’ as in Me and him. 4. He never does anything out of the ordinary when we are all together, sometimes he wont even make eye contact with her, and he absolutely does not use babe and baby in front of me. 5. He does things anyway even when my girlfriend says not to - like when she does not want food he still buys it, she wanted a special type of hot water bottle so she had asked him to check in another city when he was visiting but we had gotten it by then and she asked him to not get it - he still got it. 6. My girlfriend recently got really into Stitch (from Lilo and Stitch) so he got her a plushie, a key tag and specially ordered a figurine all in the span of a week. (This makes my girlfriend feel like I dont pay attention to her, when in fact I did but was short on money so ordered her a stitch printed bottle and keytag later - he just beat me to it ) 7. He screenshots all my girlfriends stories especially with things she likes or might like.(my girlfriend accidentally saw them)
These are just some things has done, which my girlfriend has told me herself because she also doesn’t like the fact that he does it things extra extra, she has told him several times to just tone it down a little but he always says ‘you’re just a friend to me’ ‘i think of you as family’ ‘I dont like you like that’ My girlfriend has been clear with him from the start that they are just friends.
I know this has been a long read but please bear with me with this last thing… about two months into their friendship one day randomly he had sent her a message that said ‘ what if I said I liked you’ To which my girlfriend had said I am happy with my boyfriend and have no interest in pursuing anything romantic with you. We were all chill from there because she was clear from her side.
I dont have any problems with him otherwise and when I try to talk to him about these things he just says hes being a good friend and I feel like I am thinking too much about something that might not be there and he really is a good friend and then I feel bad.
But then I think about the future and get anxious like what if my girlfriend wants something and he beats me to it, even though she doesnt directly tell him.
Please advise, I dont want to cut him out of my girlfriends life because he is a good friend however he doesn’t know where to draw the line.
Tl;dr My girlfriends best friend does things overally extra which makes me think he might like her but always says he doesn’t feel that way for her and I feel guilty because he is a good friend to her and might just be overthinking this.

TL;DR: BF (33M) and I (30F) said we were going to try to make it BF’s friend’s (35M) birthday party, but we ended up staying in my hometown longer to spend time with my mom for Mother’s Day weekend. Boyfriend’s friend was not happy we weren’t coming anymore to his birthday party because I wanted to spend more time with my mom and family.
My (30F) relationship with my bf (33M): Been dating for almost 2 years. Currently living together in a home he bought. He’s a great boyfriend and we fight maybe once a month.
So I’ve been seeing my boyfriend’s friends every weekend for over the past month including my own 30th birthday party a few weeks ago that they all attended.
It’s Mother’s Day weekend and his friend ‘Y’ (35M) threw a birthday party at his parents house over the weekend (Saturday) that Y and his parents paid for the day before Mother’s Day. My family lives 2 hours away and we said we were already planning to go see my family for early afternoon to celebrate Mother’s Day with my mom and bonus moms and that we would try to come to the pool party at night. It’s about 4PM and my family arrived late and I really wanted to spend more time with family since I don’t see them as much. I haven’t seen them since January so I asked my boyfriend to text Y that we won’t be able to make it to his party and that we’ll be happy to make it up to him. Y replied with “Wow. Don’t bother”.
We spent time at Y’s home for his Kentucky Derby get together last week (only 6 people were there, including my bf and I) where my boyfriend and I ended up spending the night at his home since he lives by himself now and isn’t in a relationship (hasn’t been in a relationship for 4 years since he broke up with his boyfriend so he’s rather lonely and gets drunk alone in his house), I didn’t want him to be alone since we’ve all been drinking and I knew he drinks alone often. After my boyfriend went to bed, I even stayed up to watch little shop of horrors with Y until 3AM and talked about life… it was honestly really nice.
I told my boyfriend all this and that if this is the case with his friends, that I would rather not be around them. That he’s welcome to still hangout with them, but that I may not be joining. My childhood friends would never say anything like that to me or my boyfriend so it’s just super surprising to see that someone would even say that. I guess I’m just not used to it and tbh I don’t want to be. Friendships outside a relationship are insanely important and for significant others to put in effort to get to know your partners loved ones, but I am having trouble with what to do and if I need to create a boundary.
I even booked an airbnb for the summer for us all to drive to for the weekend (10 people in the friend group) and contemplating cancelling it to not be around any of them. They’re not all bad and I honestly enjoy most of them, but I will say, the friend group is similar to an exhausting friend group I had in my early 20s and it’s tiring. His friend group in general is toxic to each other and a different friend was also rude to my childhood friends and even my older sister at last year’s Christmas party I hosted in my home.
I’ve reached out to Y to share how hurtful his comment was considering how much time we’ve spent together for the past month and that I simply wanted more time with my mom and family. Shortly after that the other 8 people started to blow up our group chat that I’m in with them sharing how amazing his parents were and how incredible his pool party was. Took Y a day to respond back while he was texting in the group chat still but he eventually in summary said that he understood I was celebrating Mother’s Day, but he doesn’t understand why that realization happened of us not being able to go happened an hour into his party starting. They all began to be extra chatty the day after his party. Y texting me a day later (yesterday) and said him and his parents spent a lot of money and time preparing for his birthday party - catering from a local store for subs and chicken tenders. I also shared with him that we would cover for loss costs for us not being able to be there.
Any advice on how to handle a significant other’s friend group like this? AITAH? Everyone is in their 30s and it feels toxic. I’m all for growing if I’m the asshole here and I have apologized to him for us not attending. I also have not received an apology from his end.
If I should cancel the airbnb since it’s under my name, how should I go about this with all my bf’s friends? I’m feeling pretty hurt on how all of this is unfolding with his friends all because I wanted to spend more time with my mom on Mother’s Day. I don’t want my boyfriend to resent me…

I'm using a throwaway account as I don't really people currently in my life to know this.
I (30MtF) left my wife (27F, let's call her D) two years ago. The divorce was finalized about two months ago, and I wish I could go back.
I met D eight years ago, while I was homeless. She and her family helped me get a job and my first apartment, she always showed me an incredible amount of love and support, and she was absolutely wonderful in so many ways. But D was also an evangelical Christian and incredibly transphobic and homophobic. I found this out shortly after we met. At the time, I knew I was trans, bisexual, and I was a pagan. I probably should have walked away then.
Unfortunately, due to an incredible amount of trauma in my childhood and adolescence, I have a tendency to develop new versions of myself for those I'm around. The "me" that took over my life during this time decided "he" was a cisgender, bisexual man who refused to "act on" his "sinful" desires after becoming a Christian. Still, early on that "me" didn't have as strong of a hold.
Once, when we'd been dating for a few months, we were hanging out with a friend who showed us Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time. Neither of us really had any idea what it was about. We watched it, and we were both incredibly uncomfortable for entirely different reasons. She brought me to work (I worked overnights at this time) and then while I was at work we fought over text and nearly broke up because of this damn movie. I didn't like it because it seemed fairly transphobic to me, especially when Dr. Frank-N-Furter raped the guests. (I now recognize this movie has a big place in queer culture but I still can't help but see it as kind of offensive.) D thought it was disgusting that the movie even included a trans character.
Eventually the "me" that had formed to be who she wanted me to be took over full-time and committed to stay with her and fight the "urge to sin." We dated for a few years and then got married. And honestly, this feels like one of the best times in my life sometimes, even though I know I was miserable.
I've always looked fairly feminine, and had fairly long hair and a pretty alternative style that often included makeup. I'd get "mistaken" for a girl pretty frequently when we were out, which only increased when she got me a super cute coffin-shaped purse for an anniversary. She'd always get super upset and defensive on my behalf, which hurt but she couldn't know it.
Sometimes during our marriage, she was reading an article about some state or another not accepting the "trans panic defense" and started ranting about it. I knew what she was talking about but on the off chance I was wrong I asked her to elaborate. She said it was when a trans person comes into the bathroom or hits on you and you assault or kill them because you panic. I tried to calmly explain that I thought it was good that wasn't being accepted because you shouldn't be assaulting or killing people regardless of whether they're trans or not, and it sounded like just a way to hurt trans people and get away with it. She came up with this wild argument and I just let her "win" because I didn't want to lose her. But I never felt fully safe with her again.
She liked it when I wore makeup, and once her sister told me she liked how I was a "man who was secure in his femininity but didn't feel like I needed to be a woman." (This was literally a month before I left to transition.) D agreed with her sister.
Around four years ago made a new friend at work, a nonbinary person I'll call S, who invited me to play DnD with them and their husband (a trans man) when they quit that job. By the time we'd bee playing for about six months, being around other trans people had reawakened the other parts of me, the parts that were closer to who I really am. I re-realized I was trans through our time together, and they started encouraging me to leave her and be my authentic self.
I left D about four months before our five-year wedding anniversary. She had gone through my phone, found messages between me and S about plans for me leaving and my being trans, and confronted me while I was in the shower. I quickly finished my shower and got out, had a six hour long conversation with her about this and tried to get her to understand. Eventually she just said "But you're not a woman and you never will be!" Without a word, I gathered up some essentials and left for S's house. S and I went back to that house while she was at church on Sunday and grabbed everything I owned, and then went to her mom's house to do the same. D and her whole family were there so I was trying to avoid questions and begging and pleading and crying from not only D, but her mom, sister, and brother to stay and give this trans thing up. I told D that if she wanted me to stay, I'd be staying as her wife and she'd have to accept that. She couldn't. I left.
Over the next couple months we spent a lot of time talking. D was trying to convince me to come back, to fall in love with her again. But I hadn't stopped loving her, I'd just gotten sick of hating myself. I told her that. I told her I wanted nothing more than to come back, but I couldn't do it if it meant going back to wanting to die every time I saw myself in the mirror and hating her briefly every time she "corrected" someone on my gender. I told her if she wanted me back, she'd need to support me in my transition. She still couldn't do it.
The last straw was when Michael Knowles called for the eradication of "transgenderism" (trans people). With that and the hundreds of anti-trans bills being introduced, I was scared. I texted D for comfort and instead got into a whole big argument with her. She kept trying to say the anti-trans bills were a good thing, and when I brought up the Michael Knowles thing she said she'd watched that speech and agreed with him. She said eradicating "transgenderism" would be a good thing. I sent her back a long text about the definition of genocide and how you can't separate "transgenderism" from transgender people, and eradicating "transgenderism" would require eradicating transgender people. We never talked again except about our divorce.
The thing that gets me though is that she's always been very anti-racist and speaks out against prejudice of most other kinds. She just never got it through her head that the same reasons she felt so strongly about that are why she should accept LGBTQIA+ people.
Now, it's been about two years since I left her. I have been on hormones for over a year, and I've never been happier with myself. These two years have been absolute hell in other ways. I have no stability, I lost my job, I've lost friends and family and all kinds of other traumatizing events that would make this post a literal novel. I've been suicidal in the past over stuff a lot smaller than this, but now, in the face of almost overwhelming and crushing despair, I'm still nowhere near that point again. I love myself. I am, for the first time in my life, living for myself.
I now have three wonderful partners (polyamory, they are all fully aware and consent, one of them has four other partners of their own) who love and accept me for who I am, and I love them all so much.
And yet. Despite all of that. Despite the pain D caused me, I still love her. I think I always will. And lately, it seems like all I can think of is the good times. And there were so many good times... I wish I could go back. I want her to love me again. And if she texted me tonight and told me she accepted me, I don't know if I could stay away. And this love I still feel... It's the most painful thing of all.

On Tuesday the 14th of May, 2024 at 11:38, I officially started HRT.
I went through Gender Doctors, Dr. Sahota, and Dr. Millison-Brown. Both of them were incredible and were so nice during our interactions and appointments.
I'm on Estradiol and will be getting blockers within 1-2 months when shared care kicks in.
I'm 22 and I've been desperately trying to get support and transition since I was 12, for doctors and my parents to turn me away, tell me why I'm not trans or completely lie to me. I knew I was trans long before then, too. I only understood what it meant because of a very specific teacher during 1 very specific lesson in Year 7 of highschool.
I'm still waiting for the NHS, but I finally feel like my life is about to start.
Don't give up, keep pushing and you'll get the help and support you deserve. It's worth it.

Hey everyone, first post here. My boyfriend (25M) and I (25M), had a sort of a conversation, over text, where he expressed that he was feeling saturated with himself, with his routines, he said that he was feeling "old" because he was starting to have normal routines, like working, going to the gym and he has to prepare the food for the day after.We don't live together, since we're in a recent relationship, we've known each other since February, but started dating in March. I've been more open to him when it comes to my insecurities, specially when he told me that he used to enjoy to go out clubbing and dancing. Now I was never one to enjoy clubbing, but he saw that I got quite insecure, since the clubs he goes out, are LGBT clubs, and he admitted to use the euphoric pill to let himself out. I told him how I felt about it, and he assured me that he stopped doing it. Now, when he told me that he was tired of the routine, he just straight out said that he wanted to go out clubbing, with friend, where he also told me I was not included in those plans. I told him that it made me feel a bit insecure, where he just told me "I understand that you're insecure, but it's somethine I want to do, since I like dancing, drinking, it makes me forget the tedious routine, the work stress and everything that's been happening. I don't invite you because I know you don't enjoy it" Telling you guys that this was like a knife to the heart, is putting blandly. We do have a routine of going out at least once a week, and this is the part that it's getting me to start questioning everything. I've suffer a lot in my previous relationship, specially with cheating, since I was cheated on pretty badly. I didn't sleep at all tonight, but I'm just curious if, I am ovearreacting?
TL;DR: My boyfriend wants a break from the routine, and his break is going out clubbing, drinking and dancing, without me.

My friends set me up on a date a few days ago. It was all arranged for us but I had no clue what he looked like just he’s handsome, works in technology and is into sports and is quite athletic.
He messaged me to tell me he couldn’t make it. Later that day he called me asking my plans for the next day and i had a few meetings with clients but was free after 4pm. He made plans for us just to cancel less than an hour before.
I messaged him later on, being completely honest about my reservations now. I said “it’s been a great few days and the idea of it all was exciting but I can’t ignore my hesitation towards continuing. Let’s call it here, take care!”
He responded later on that night saying he regrets “playing it cool” and not coming off as excited or eager as he actually is. He really wants to meet me and gave me a time and place to meet him. He’ll be there waiting for me and hoping I turned up. If not he completely understands.
He also gave me his Instagram and honestly other than the sporty side of him he’s not my type at all. Extremely handsome but very different to what I expected.
Tl:dr- I’m torn, do I give him a third chance or should I listen to my gut and move on? Although there’s nothing to move on from haha. Advice please!

My friends set me up on a date a few days ago. It was all arranged for us but I had no clue what he looked like just he’s handsome, works in technology and is into sports and is quite athletic.
He messaged me to tell me he couldn’t make it. Later that day he called me asking my plans for the next day and i had a few meetings with clients but was free after 4pm. He made plans for us just to cancel less than an hour before.
I messaged him later on, being completely honest about my reservations now. I said “it’s been a great few days and the idea of it all was exciting but I can’t ignore my hesitation towards continuing. Let’s call it here, take care!”
He responded later on that night saying he regrets “playing it cool” and not coming off as excited or eager as he actually is. He really wants to meet me and gave me a time and place to meet him. He’ll be there waiting for me and hoping I turned up. If not he completely understands.
He also gave me his Instagram and honestly other than the sporty side of him he’s not my type at all. Extremely handsome but very different to what I expected.
Tl:dr- I’m torn, do I give him a third chance or should I listen to my gut and move on? Although there’s nothing to move on from haha. Advice please!

Caremark mail order is no longer covering certain GLP-1 meds (Zepbound was never carried in the first place, but they won't carry Wegovy and Mounjaro as of May 15th). They gave very little prior warning. I still don't have official communication from them about this change. I found out on these threads.
At the same time, I am finding a handful of CVS stores outright stating they are no longer going to even TRY to order Zep. Even the ones I have used before that still have active orders that are in process but out of stock. My refill for 7.5 was sitting at one CVS since 4/2. I called them yesterday to do my weekly check if it will be filled anytime soon and the once-pleasant pharmacist said: "major national backorder indefinitely -- call your dr for an alternate med. We are no longer ordering these."
I then went to another CVS where I have filled before that has been pretty decent and they said that they haven't heard anything impacting stores nationally so it must be a store-by-store decision as of now. But she said she wouldn't be surprised if more stores adopt this approach. And all the customers who used Caremark mail order now must fill at retail -- and many of their plans ONLY allow you to fill at CVS (like mine). So that means more traffic will flood the remaining CVS stores that are trying to order making it harder to claim the few boxes that come in here and there.
FWIW -- none of the CVS stores I spoke to were optimistic. It is unfortunate that this is the only pharmacy I can fill at per my plan.
Has anyone else had any issues with their local CVS stores starting to refuse to fill? Or is this just a temporary store-by-store thing?

Hi,
We are planning to move to Austin ( preferably southwest Austin) . I am looking for preschool recommendations for a 3 year old kiddo . Preferring all 5 days and full time. Also seeking suggestions for safe family friendly neighborhoods (closer to parks ) in southwest Austin to rent a SFH.
Thanks.

TL;DR - Window sweat on only one window, wall water stains (not visible only when looking at angle) all over the house. Tried every suggestion online but humidity still high.
Hello fellow redditors!
Experiencing first full winter in the new home bought last year. As it is getting colder, recently noticed that just one of the bedroom windows “sweat” at night, even when there is nobody in it and the door is closed. Been doing some research and have tried the following without success in eliminating it:-
1) Leaving windows and room doors open - it’s getting really cold, and the window will let the rain enter making the carpet wet. 2) Ventilate during the day - even today where is was mostly bright and sunny, the humidity only went down to 60%, still too high for some websites. 3) Running a dehumidifier - this lowers the humidity, but it goes back up after a while, and it is getting costly. 4) Weatherstripping - I have added some additional weather stripping but it doesn’t seem to work. All other windows do not sweat even without the additional weather stripping. 5) Turning on the fan - this worked a treat, especially pointing it at the window, window sweat stopped. But, it’s a tad bit cold NGL.
Windows are single panel with aluminium frame from what I can tell (20-30 year old house). Probably those cheap 2mm window panes. Property probably isn’t very air tight, with halogen lights venting into celling/roof.
Weirdly enough the condensation will usually start on the flyscreen before the actual window condenses. However, I did also notice couple days ago that all the walls seem to have water stains, like condensation has been there before (no marks or anything, but can see it when looking at an angle). Unsure whether this was recent or has been there since before I moved in.
House does get a little frosty, especially when it is really cold outside (like 13°C inside when it is 8°C outside). Humidity does fluctuate during day and night, as high as 80% over wet weekend and as low as 30% in summer.
Have not been turning on central heater because I have not had it cleaned (was planning to decommission it for spilt system units).
Appreciate if anyone’s advice or be pointed in the right direction for this. TIA!

The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

TL;DR - Window sweat on only one window, wall water stains (not visible only when looking at angle) all over the house. Tried every suggestion online but humidity still high.
Hello fellow redditors!
Experiencing first full winter in the new home bought last year. As it is getting colder, recently noticed that just one of the bedroom windows “sweat” at night, even when there is nobody in it and the door is closed. Been doing some research and have tried the following without success in eliminating it:-
1) Leaving windows and room doors open - it’s getting really cold, and the window will let the rain enter making the carpet wet. 2) Ventilate during the day - even today where is was mostly bright and sunny, the humidity only went down to 60%, still too high for some websites. 3) Running a dehumidifier - this lowers the humidity, but it goes back up after a while, and it is getting costly. 4) Weatherstripping - I have added some additional weather stripping but it doesn’t seem to work. All other windows do not sweat even without the additional weather stripping. 5) Turning on the fan - this worked a treat, especially pointing it at the window, window sweat stopped. But, it’s a tad bit cold NGL.
Windows are single panel with aluminium frame from what I can tell (20-30 year old house). Probably those cheap 2mm window panes. Property probably isn’t very air tight, with halogen lights venting into celling/roof.
Weirdly enough the condensation will usually start on the flyscreen before the actual window condenses. However, I did also notice couple days ago that all the walls seem to have water stains, like condensation has been there before (no marks or anything, but can see it when looking at an angle). Unsure whether this was recent or has been there since before I moved in.
House does get a little frosty, especially when it is really cold outside (like 13°C inside when it is 8°C outside). Humidity does fluctuate during day and night, as high as 80% over wet weekend and as low as 30% in summer.
Have not been turning on central heater because I have not had it cleaned (was planning to decommission it for spilt system units).
Appreciate if anyone’s advice or be pointed in the right direction for this. TIA!

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