How much current does an 750 kva transformer
The Criterion Collection
2011.01.18 14:52 roderigo The Criterion Collection
The Criterion Collection is a continuing series of important classic and contemporary films on home video.
2011.10.02 23:51 /r/HomeServer
/HomeServer: for all your home, small, and medium business server, software, and related discussions!
2011.03.02 23:25 America's Next Top Model
You wanna be on top?
2024.05.14 09:30 Sea_Tour_6891 The Undying Menace, Fumetsu
Yeah imma put this in here for fun :)
Names/Titles:
Fumetsu, Bhairab Bēcaina, The Great Asura of Death and Destruction, The immortal, King of Hearts (named by the Perfected Army of Christ).
Age: 1100-200 years
Appearance:
A Sorcerer of unknown origin. His skin tone is a light tan. Despite being 300+ years old, he looks barely a day above 28. He has black short hair and wears a folded sleeved button up everywhere he goes, even in battle. The shirt is stained in blood and his own flesh. When seen by people he constantly looks covered in blood.
Personality:
Bhairab is considered highly sadistic, sociopathic, hedonistic and extremely selfish. He often has large episodes of vanity where he brags to his opponent about how many women and children he has killed. Additionally while he is not killing weak sorcerers and curse spirits he often spends time with his harem. He is also very cunning and manipulative. Capable of tricking even high level foreign Jujutsu agents into giving him valuable information.
Despite this he does have some sort of admiration of humanity. In one fight with an unknown sorcerer, he clearly stated that he is powerful because he can choose to kill. That the reason humans are superior to anything else is because they can choose to ignore their desires or not. He simply chose to follow Kenjaku because he believes that the world he’ll create would be interesting to live in.
Backstory:
A foreign Agent of Kenjaku and notorious curse user. He is considered a key part of his contingency plan if Kenjaku were to die fighting. Not much is known about his origins. Only that he awakened from the mountains as a child; alone. He didn't know how much time had passed, it was so cold that he couldn't feel anything, he could only see the gray sky and snow raining down on his face. He couldn’t even describe the color.
Moving his eyes around he could see two figures approaching him. Both were talking in some foreign language. Just as they were talking, the child had one thought in him, hunger. He tried to walk up to the figures but a snap in his leg was felt, resulting in him falling in front of the figures. They laid flat on the floor and left him. He raises his head up to look at the figures moving away. He still felt hopeful. Believing they would come but they never did. This happened every single time. As time passed more snow enveloped him to which he became invisible to anyone who passed through the mountain. Despite being unable to stand, he could at least hear the voices of those who would rest near him.
At first these were just more foreign voices, but he would eventually understand. He would understand people's conversations, descriptions and dying breaths. A thought would appear in mind as he was trapped in the snow. It said live. He woke up from the snow and proceeded to walk down the mountain. Despite the severe conditions he never wavered, when he spotted a climber. His thought was that he needed clothes so he grabbed the man and gouged his eyes out before stripping him naked and leaving him to die out in the cold. He continued forward until he stopped by a village gate.
The people looked at him with fear. All they said was Fumetsu when looking at him. He didn’t really care, only looking for a place to sleep in. It was when he was surrounded by town guards that he realized he wasn't welcomed here so he grabbed a guards spear and went to it. The result was a bloodbath. With the entire village destroyed in the process. That was the origin of the man that would try his hardest to destroy jujutsu society. Helping Kenjaku further his plot by infiltrating and weakening foreign barriers outside of japan. He is infamous for his ability in Jujutsu and being considered one of the greatest threats to the Perfected Army of Christ, Jagtånder and the Ainu Jujutsu Society. Having multiple encounters with all three of these organizations and repelling some of their smaller forces on some occasions. For each of these organizations, when it is believed that Fumetsu is dead, he seems to appear in a different location, always starting something.
Curse Technique:
The Precepts of Bhairab: The user's atoms are able to contain the user's consciousness. The user can manipulate their atoms with curse energy. This manipulation is not limited to converting elements, creating compounds or creating chemical reactions as long as it is his atoms that he manipulates. This allows the user the potential to manipulate their own body by the atomic level. They can also manipulate objects their body touches though this does take time at around 10 - 15 seconds.
Extension Techniques:
Precept of Protection:
Fumetsu condenses the atoms that compose his skin. Hardening his skin in the process. This makes him highly resilient but reduces his mobility.
Precept of Life:
Fumetsu focuses all his curse energy to multiply his atoms and fully regenerate himself in 3 seconds. Any sort of damage that is done to his body can be fully healed, as long as he has curse energy.
Precept of Insight:
Fumetsu turns any sort of converted material around him into highly complex organs such as eyes, ears, limbs and more. Allowing him to either have extrasensory perception, a better physical constitution or an increased output of curse energy.
Precept of Preparation:
Fumetsu forms any of his converted atoms in nitroglycerin and heats them, leaving only so much to be used as projectiles. Basically creating a pipe bomb out of his flesh. Any projectiles that manage to hit the opponent will slowly begin to convert them. If not removed (Either via amputation or RCT) or reinforced with CE in the next 15 seconds Fumetsu can control and manipulate their bodies.
Precept of Feigned Humility:
A full reworking of his body to create a biological masterpiece for sorcery. Has eyes now on his arms and back. His back muscles constantly contort to produce hand signs and he has mouths on his palms and right chest constantly chanting curses. His perception has greatly increased as he now has a full 360 degree vision and senses even the small vibrations in the air. All his physical attributes have also increased by 250%. However his most notable feature is his increase in CE output by 180%.
Maximum Technique, Broken Precept of Destruction:
By slowly converting the air around him he can create a hydrogen blast that is shown to decimate entire cities. Requires around 2-5 minutes to charge up.
Weakness:
Domain Expansion, Eighth Precept of Bhairab: Beautiful Naraka of the Asura
This domain initially depicts several buddhist statues accompanying a black barrier with Fumetsu at the center. Sorcerers are often fooled into believing that he is simply casting a curtain as Fumetsu often says the incantation in a foreign language. When anything is within the domain their atoms are instantly converted to Fumetsu’s atoms, making them susceptible to his manipulation.
The current undying domain does not have this. Instead it is a pure atomisation field destroying anything that comes within a 3 meter radius.
submitted by Sea_Tour_6891 to CTsandbox [link] [comments]
Names/Titles:
Fumetsu, Bhairab Bēcaina, The Great Asura of Death and Destruction, The immortal, King of Hearts (named by the Perfected Army of Christ).
Age: 1100-200 years
Appearance:
A Sorcerer of unknown origin. His skin tone is a light tan. Despite being 300+ years old, he looks barely a day above 28. He has black short hair and wears a folded sleeved button up everywhere he goes, even in battle. The shirt is stained in blood and his own flesh. When seen by people he constantly looks covered in blood.
Personality:
Bhairab is considered highly sadistic, sociopathic, hedonistic and extremely selfish. He often has large episodes of vanity where he brags to his opponent about how many women and children he has killed. Additionally while he is not killing weak sorcerers and curse spirits he often spends time with his harem. He is also very cunning and manipulative. Capable of tricking even high level foreign Jujutsu agents into giving him valuable information.
Despite this he does have some sort of admiration of humanity. In one fight with an unknown sorcerer, he clearly stated that he is powerful because he can choose to kill. That the reason humans are superior to anything else is because they can choose to ignore their desires or not. He simply chose to follow Kenjaku because he believes that the world he’ll create would be interesting to live in.
Backstory:
A foreign Agent of Kenjaku and notorious curse user. He is considered a key part of his contingency plan if Kenjaku were to die fighting. Not much is known about his origins. Only that he awakened from the mountains as a child; alone. He didn't know how much time had passed, it was so cold that he couldn't feel anything, he could only see the gray sky and snow raining down on his face. He couldn’t even describe the color.
Moving his eyes around he could see two figures approaching him. Both were talking in some foreign language. Just as they were talking, the child had one thought in him, hunger. He tried to walk up to the figures but a snap in his leg was felt, resulting in him falling in front of the figures. They laid flat on the floor and left him. He raises his head up to look at the figures moving away. He still felt hopeful. Believing they would come but they never did. This happened every single time. As time passed more snow enveloped him to which he became invisible to anyone who passed through the mountain. Despite being unable to stand, he could at least hear the voices of those who would rest near him.
At first these were just more foreign voices, but he would eventually understand. He would understand people's conversations, descriptions and dying breaths. A thought would appear in mind as he was trapped in the snow. It said live. He woke up from the snow and proceeded to walk down the mountain. Despite the severe conditions he never wavered, when he spotted a climber. His thought was that he needed clothes so he grabbed the man and gouged his eyes out before stripping him naked and leaving him to die out in the cold. He continued forward until he stopped by a village gate.
The people looked at him with fear. All they said was Fumetsu when looking at him. He didn’t really care, only looking for a place to sleep in. It was when he was surrounded by town guards that he realized he wasn't welcomed here so he grabbed a guards spear and went to it. The result was a bloodbath. With the entire village destroyed in the process. That was the origin of the man that would try his hardest to destroy jujutsu society. Helping Kenjaku further his plot by infiltrating and weakening foreign barriers outside of japan. He is infamous for his ability in Jujutsu and being considered one of the greatest threats to the Perfected Army of Christ, Jagtånder and the Ainu Jujutsu Society. Having multiple encounters with all three of these organizations and repelling some of their smaller forces on some occasions. For each of these organizations, when it is believed that Fumetsu is dead, he seems to appear in a different location, always starting something.
Curse Technique:
The Precepts of Bhairab: The user's atoms are able to contain the user's consciousness. The user can manipulate their atoms with curse energy. This manipulation is not limited to converting elements, creating compounds or creating chemical reactions as long as it is his atoms that he manipulates. This allows the user the potential to manipulate their own body by the atomic level. They can also manipulate objects their body touches though this does take time at around 10 - 15 seconds.
Extension Techniques:
Precept of Protection:
Fumetsu condenses the atoms that compose his skin. Hardening his skin in the process. This makes him highly resilient but reduces his mobility.
Precept of Life:
Fumetsu focuses all his curse energy to multiply his atoms and fully regenerate himself in 3 seconds. Any sort of damage that is done to his body can be fully healed, as long as he has curse energy.
Precept of Insight:
Fumetsu turns any sort of converted material around him into highly complex organs such as eyes, ears, limbs and more. Allowing him to either have extrasensory perception, a better physical constitution or an increased output of curse energy.
Precept of Preparation:
Fumetsu forms any of his converted atoms in nitroglycerin and heats them, leaving only so much to be used as projectiles. Basically creating a pipe bomb out of his flesh. Any projectiles that manage to hit the opponent will slowly begin to convert them. If not removed (Either via amputation or RCT) or reinforced with CE in the next 15 seconds Fumetsu can control and manipulate their bodies.
Precept of Feigned Humility:
A full reworking of his body to create a biological masterpiece for sorcery. Has eyes now on his arms and back. His back muscles constantly contort to produce hand signs and he has mouths on his palms and right chest constantly chanting curses. His perception has greatly increased as he now has a full 360 degree vision and senses even the small vibrations in the air. All his physical attributes have also increased by 250%. However his most notable feature is his increase in CE output by 180%.
Maximum Technique, Broken Precept of Destruction:
By slowly converting the air around him he can create a hydrogen blast that is shown to decimate entire cities. Requires around 2-5 minutes to charge up.
Weakness:
- Curse Energy reinforcement is often effective against being assimilated into him.
- Is killable during curse technique burnout.
- Advanced Reverse Curse Technique can reverse the assimilation.
Binding Vows (1p per Binding Vow)
Undying Domain: Through not only forfeiting the barrier but also reducing the radius of the domain’s radius to 3 metres and making it so that the domain is unable to overwhelm anyone elses his domain’s sure hit effects will still be ongoing. This is shown especially during domain clashes. Where the opponent's domain’s effect is cancelled but the user's domain sure hit is still in place. Meaning that if the opponent tries to approach the user in spite of any other external conditions they will now be under the sure hit effect.Domain Expansion, Eighth Precept of Bhairab: Beautiful Naraka of the Asura
This domain initially depicts several buddhist statues accompanying a black barrier with Fumetsu at the center. Sorcerers are often fooled into believing that he is simply casting a curtain as Fumetsu often says the incantation in a foreign language. When anything is within the domain their atoms are instantly converted to Fumetsu’s atoms, making them susceptible to his manipulation.
The current undying domain does not have this. Instead it is a pure atomisation field destroying anything that comes within a 3 meter radius.
2024.05.14 09:25 ff_Tempest How to itemize around Blade of the Ruined King (in 14.10)
 | So, as probably many of you, I am a Blade of the Ruined King enjoyer, I build it pretty much every game in soloQ. submitted by ff_Tempest to YoneMains [link] [comments] I just love the item, it gives a really complete stat profile and it's specially good into bruisers (with some exceptions) which are normally the hardest champions to outduel 1v1. It also acts as a safety net in case we are behind, because it's damage scales with the enemy lvl and items, so it ensures we are always relevant no matter what. Now, the item got changed for next patch, and maybe some of you don't know what this change entails. https://preview.redd.it/n95ltpbr6c0d1.png?width=530&format=png&auto=webp&s=d08661688a5aa62d6749ab005a113ad5ee4ccc4e TL;DR: It's a nerf to the item. Why? Because 3% current HP damage is simply more damage against almost every target than 15 AD, even accounting for the increase in DPS the 5% extra AS provides. The 2% extra lifesteal is negligible and the slow passive got massively nerfed to proc on the third consecutive hit instead of just the first. Does this kill the item though? No, because there are a couple "New" synergies you can abuse next patch, and that are probably the reason the item had to get nerfed preventively. Mainly: https://preview.redd.it/ifudwm887c0d1.png?width=523&format=png&auto=webp&s=d0310cfc539496bdede9b480e2eb41b417e32a6a And https://preview.redd.it/nik4rv077c0d1.png?width=540&format=png&auto=webp&s=309625496b9dc6f39954d3d8ee52b5c98423a8a5 These rune and item combo have insane synergy with Bork. 40% armor pen is INSANE for Bork's passive. The way you make a build scale to the lategame with Bork is to itemize Armor Penetration, because the on-hit damage already scales with enemy HP, so the only counter it has is armor. Armor Penetration is the "Infinity Edge" of physical on-hit damage. And then since Riot removed Lethal Tempo, we can (and kinda have to) go the new Press the Attack rune, which on proc increases ALL our damage by 8%, INCLUDING the damage from our on-hit effects like Bork's passive. Now that the synergies are explained, how does a build like this look like in 14.10? Well, we will start with Berserkers as always, that didn't change, but our 1st item will be the new Navori Flickerblade: https://preview.redd.it/rhectami8c0d1.png?width=525&format=png&auto=webp&s=9b0dd82491d10a383c194f691384ca77ca661db6 https://preview.redd.it/p7cupx3o8c0d1.png?width=523&format=png&auto=webp&s=08279a6b441c23856dea1bcedbdfa2286bad4d35 Why? Why not Bork first item? The reason is you need a lot of attackspeed in your first item build path because LT got removed, and Navori's build path is Zeal + Dagger + Dagger, which is insanely good. The item is also really cheap which means you hit a first item powerspike very early into the game, and it provides movement speed which is the most broken stat in the entire game, specially if you understand how to make use of it. Why not Phantom Dancer instead? https://preview.redd.it/jv18gtp69c0d1.png?width=524&format=png&auto=webp&s=a3187eb534a9b02208a9f2bc8fe372218536b247 You could go PD instead, for example on Yasuo PD will be better for sure, but Navori reduces the cooldown of all your basic abilities by a lot (yes including Q). For example Yone's W will have roughly 3s CD instead of 6s with Navori if you are hitting someone. Yone's W is broken as fuck, you may not realize how strong it is to have your W that often off the top of your head, give it a try once the patch drops. Then our 2nd tem will be Bork: https://preview.redd.it/x5f3plzr9c0d1.png?width=543&format=png&auto=webp&s=ff6b70325aa4db6b368c78cac5784e6bbb654727 Not much to say, extra AS, lifesteal, the slow, the damage. The item provides a bit of everything. Your 3rd item will be Lord Dominiks: https://preview.redd.it/pvoig5g3ac0d1.png?width=530&format=png&auto=webp&s=83713a7cae93001357f1933cc55c74e91f8af04d At this point your damage will be insanely high, remember that we also have Press the Attack. At this point there is nothing you cannot kill, bruisers, tanks, you deal a lot of damage to anything, and you still have enough damage to kill squishy targets in 4 or 5 hits. At this point what we need is survivability, we already have very high damage and DPS, we need some baseline tankyness in order to survive long enough to be able to deal our damage. So our 4th will be a situational tank item: https://preview.redd.it/uduyplovac0d1.png?width=545&format=png&auto=webp&s=561b89af34164b0acc0b2cce0a8efb6faae466dc Jaksho tends to be the most common choice because most teams have a good mix of physical and magical damage, but it's situational, you could go Randuims into crit champs, Thornmail for antihealing, or Rukern against heavy APs. Last item could vary a lot depending on games, but generally you will want to try and get a Bloodthirster. This version of the item is just too broken to avoid, the amount of lifesteal and the shield are insanely good defensive tools paired with Jaksho's baseline lvl of defense, and 80AD is a metric shit ton of damage. https://preview.redd.it/1twyw5z6gc0d1.png?width=969&format=png&auto=webp&s=bd3197632cfd95d6123d19aa7aeff970f4c6a4d2 https://preview.redd.it/uf6zumajbc0d1.png?width=530&format=png&auto=webp&s=1e7a16c84d28aa6596c42ee5767114f029ff9679 Some good alternatives are: GA, DD, Scimitar and Maw, but BT should be overall the best, since we are going a very cheap item first, and we are replacing IE with Lord Dominik in this build, which is 400g cheaper, we should be able to get BT last with reasonable ease in games that go for long enough. Don't upgrade Boots into Zephyr, that is very bait, instead, sell Berserkers and get yourself a PD. it gives almost the same movement speed, but with extra AS, damage and the ghosted passive. Your final 6 item build should look like this: https://preview.redd.it/8iwpt1r9cc0d1.png?width=534&format=png&auto=webp&s=04467e418de8dc826cc2deaeee0cf72af67647de In-game stats: https://preview.redd.it/z6w22bz7dc0d1.png?width=922&format=png&auto=webp&s=0c4cd956dc16a084bfeea5e40270a4151ae0a05b Lastly, I will tackle a very common question people have when they see a build like this one: "Why no IE?" The reason you don't go IE here is because it has absolutely zero synergy with Bork, Lord Dominiks is what scales Bork damage, if you go IE instead you will deal less damage to anything below 120 armor, which most champions have in mid to lategame, and IE is way more expensive aswell. Why no both IE and Lord Doms? because we have a limited amount of item slots, you need an AS item first, Bork second, LDR 3rd, those are your core items, you cannot change them. Then you need a tank item to survive, you cannot skip this either. That only leaves you the last item slot, when you have this much damage already BT is simply a smarter choice, you are essentially trading crit damage for 18% lifesteal and a 400hp overshield, these defensive layers will prove more useful in most cases. If you want to go IE you can make a different build altogether, like this one here (in the order shown): https://preview.redd.it/th1p1ztiec0d1.png?width=529&format=png&auto=webp&s=6670f89e8640a4b7b5052670c7a012d7d86c1cbb Totally fine build aswell, but you can't really fit Bork in this build, because by going IE 2nd item you mostly want high AD to make use of your crit multiplier, so BT 3rd is best in slot, then you need defense 4th and armor pen last, you cannot fit Bork and wouldn't make sense to replace any other item for it. Also, in a build like this Conqueror should be better than PtA unless PtA turns out to be just broken, cause the AD and healing are great paired with IE. |
2024.05.14 09:08 ClayKavalier Ned Grabavoy's Track Record
Many people are calling for Ned's head lately.
I don't think he's been perfect. He has a positive reputation around the league at least as a person and businessperson. That doesn't mean he's a good scout.
I think it's important to separate hirings into categories one would attribute to the owner, the coach, or the general manager, even though it is reportedly a collaborative process and Paulson has to sign off on everything. It is also essential to note that different coaches have different systems, styles, strategies, and tactics. Players identified as having the skills, disposition, mentality, etc. for particular purposes under a particular coach may not work as well in different circumstances. For example, I'll suggest that having a slow right centerback isn't as much of a problem with a right fullback who can track back, central midfielders who can help cover, and an offense that defends higher, doesn't turn the ball over so often, and is effective in attack. Also, given the relatively sudden and unexpected departures of Porter and Wilkinson, and the transition periods between coaches and scouting/technical staff, it's important to note that there were times when there weren't people in particular roles and the styles, tactics, strategies, philosophies, etc. weren't clear or changed.
While I have no proof and Ned has expressed his enthusiasm for and confidence in Neville, I very much feel like Phil is Paulson's guy. It was said that he had a rapport with Paulson. I don't expect Ned to say anything publicly that isn't supportive. Maybe he actually believed Neville was the best candidate and maybe he still believes he's a good coach.
Using Wikipedia, I documented which players signed with the club or had their contracts extended while Ned was in different roles.
When he was promoted to Technical Director, he was specifically credited with scouting specific players. He's also credited with finalizing the deal with Evander in late 2022, after GW was fired but before he was officially GM. The rumor is that the deal was going to fall apart before Ned took over negotiations. I've italicized those players that Ned might have been involved in scouting, recruiting, signing, or extending who are still on the team. I've also indicated when I think it's pretty clear when a player was brought in by a coach because of some past association. I may be wrong about some and may have missed some. I know there is incomplete information but I only tried so hard. There are also situations where the player was technically signed to an extension in one year but it was effectively for the next season. The distinction between preseason and summer transfer window signings isn't always obvious. Also, many of these players were scouted for some time before a decision was made to sign them and an opportunity presented itself. For example, Wilkinson talked about wanting Lucas Melano for some time. I think Porter was big on him too. We had our eyes on Yimmi Chara for a long time too. Considering that, I'm not inclined to credit Ned with 2017 signings at all, and don't think he had much to do with the renewal or financial decisions until 2023.
Director of Scouting and Recruitment - November 2016
2017 Season
Signings
Signings
2019 Season
Signings
Signings
Signings
Signings
October 2022 - GW Fired
2023 Season
Signings
Signings
Jack Dodd - Technical Director - April 2023
With all of this info, I think we can blame Ned in whole or in part for the following current players being signed and / or having their contracts renewed:
Which players came and went under Ned's watch should we not have signed or not let go?
And which players who are still on the roster just objectively suck and aren't MLS-level players? As starters or depth? Who doesn't even have any potential? Who has aged out? Who is good but doesn't fit the system? Who doesn't fit Neville's system but fit Gio's? Note: this is all in MLS-level terms.
I don't know what we can realistically do about our problems near-term. I don't think Nevilleball works even with a right fullback who can defend and faster centerbacks. That would help. But the lack of off-the-ball movement, lack of ball progression through midfield, lack of creative runs, poor passing, low pressure, shitty zonal marking on set piece defending, not closing passing lanes, not stepping to the ball; not making incisive, line-splitting passes; not communicating, poor rotations, not making the final pass or taking shots in the box, passing back all the time, slow build-up, not covering the far post, injuries... It's a lot. Some of these problems predate Neville, so he ought to have accounted for them and adjusted accordingly. The FO has denied lack of talent is a problem. That leaves coaching and attitude or mentality. Attitude and mentality often come back to coaching IMHO.
submitted by ClayKavalier to timbers [link] [comments]
I don't think he's been perfect. He has a positive reputation around the league at least as a person and businessperson. That doesn't mean he's a good scout.
I think it's important to separate hirings into categories one would attribute to the owner, the coach, or the general manager, even though it is reportedly a collaborative process and Paulson has to sign off on everything. It is also essential to note that different coaches have different systems, styles, strategies, and tactics. Players identified as having the skills, disposition, mentality, etc. for particular purposes under a particular coach may not work as well in different circumstances. For example, I'll suggest that having a slow right centerback isn't as much of a problem with a right fullback who can track back, central midfielders who can help cover, and an offense that defends higher, doesn't turn the ball over so often, and is effective in attack. Also, given the relatively sudden and unexpected departures of Porter and Wilkinson, and the transition periods between coaches and scouting/technical staff, it's important to note that there were times when there weren't people in particular roles and the styles, tactics, strategies, philosophies, etc. weren't clear or changed.
While I have no proof and Ned has expressed his enthusiasm for and confidence in Neville, I very much feel like Phil is Paulson's guy. It was said that he had a rapport with Paulson. I don't expect Ned to say anything publicly that isn't supportive. Maybe he actually believed Neville was the best candidate and maybe he still believes he's a good coach.
Using Wikipedia, I documented which players signed with the club or had their contracts extended while Ned was in different roles.
When he was promoted to Technical Director, he was specifically credited with scouting specific players. He's also credited with finalizing the deal with Evander in late 2022, after GW was fired but before he was officially GM. The rumor is that the deal was going to fall apart before Ned took over negotiations. I've italicized those players that Ned might have been involved in scouting, recruiting, signing, or extending who are still on the team. I've also indicated when I think it's pretty clear when a player was brought in by a coach because of some past association. I may be wrong about some and may have missed some. I know there is incomplete information but I only tried so hard. There are also situations where the player was technically signed to an extension in one year but it was effectively for the next season. The distinction between preseason and summer transfer window signings isn't always obvious. Also, many of these players were scouted for some time before a decision was made to sign them and an opportunity presented itself. For example, Wilkinson talked about wanting Lucas Melano for some time. I think Porter was big on him too. We had our eyes on Yimmi Chara for a long time too. Considering that, I'm not inclined to credit Ned with 2017 signings at all, and don't think he had much to do with the renewal or financial decisions until 2023.
Director of Scouting and Recruitment - November 2016
2017 Season
Signings
- Andres Flores - Gio
- Modou Jadama
- Jeff Attinella
- Kendall McIntosh
- Zark Valentin - Porter
- Dairon Asprilla
- Jack Barmby
- Bill Tuiloma
Signings
- Julio Cascante
- Foster Langsdorf
- Eryk Williamson
- Jorge Villafaña - Returned. Originally signed as a Porter player.
- Steve Clark
- Andy Polo - Ned is credited with scouting him. GW took credit for his extension.
- Cristhian Paredes - Ned is credited with scouting him.
- Samuel Armenteros
- Tomás Conechny
- Zerek Valentin
- Jeremy Ebobisse
- Modou Jadama
- Bill Tuiloma
- Foster Langsdorf
- Kendall McIntosh
2019 Season
Signings
- Marvin Loría - Ned is credited with scouting him.
- Renzo Zambrano - Ned is credited with scouting him.
- Claude Dielna - Ned is credited with scouting him.
- Aljaz Ivavic
- Brian Fernandez
- Jorge Moreira
- Sebastian Blanco
- Diego Valeri
- Bill Tuiloma
- Steve Clark
- Jeremy Ebobisse
Signings
- Yimmi Chara
- Blake Bodily
- Jaroslaw Niezgoda
- Chris Duvall
- Pablo Bonilla
- Zac McGraw
- Felipe Mora
- Dario Zuparic
- Dairon Asprilla
Signings
- Larrys Mabiala
- Santiago Moreno
Signings
- Justin Vom Steeg
- David Ayala
- Justin Rasmussen
- Diego Gutierrez
- Claudio Bravo
- Juan David Mosquera
- Felipe Mora
- Zac McGraw
- Diego Chara
- Cristhian Paredes
October 2022 - GW Fired
2023 Season
Signings
- Evander - Neville said that he had wanted Evander at Miami.
- Miguel Araujo
- Antony
- Eric Miller
- Frank Boli
- Nathan Fogaça
Signings
- Kamal Miller - Neville guy
- James Pantemis - Neville guy
- Trey Muse - Neville guy?
- Maxime Crepeau - Neville guy
- Jonathan Rodriguez
- Juan David Mosquera
- Santiago Moreno
- Eric Miller
Jack Dodd - Technical Director - April 2023
- Former Director of Scouting for Toronto and a scout for Liverpool and Crystal Palace
With all of this info, I think we can blame Ned in whole or in part for the following current players being signed and / or having their contracts renewed:
- Rodriguez
- Evander
- Loría
- Williamson
- Moreno
- Mosquera
- McGraw
- Eric Miller
- Fogaça
- Antony
- Mora
- Diego Chara
- Araujo
- Paredes
- Ayala
- Mabiala
- Asprilla
- Kamal Miller
- Muse
- Crepeau
- Pantemis
- Sulte
- Zuparic
- Ikoba
- Bravo
Which players came and went under Ned's watch should we not have signed or not let go?
And which players who are still on the roster just objectively suck and aren't MLS-level players? As starters or depth? Who doesn't even have any potential? Who has aged out? Who is good but doesn't fit the system? Who doesn't fit Neville's system but fit Gio's? Note: this is all in MLS-level terms.
- Rodriguez was great but is now just good and arguably doesn't fit the system. He's a second striker but we only play with one forward. I don't think the 4-4-2 we tried against Seattle was a good idea. Obviously, it didn't work. Maybe a diamond of Evander, Chara, Ayala, and Paredes. We'd need more defense to cover for Mosquera getting forward and Moreno tucking in. But I digress...
- Evander is good but poorly utilized and inconsistent. He plays to the level of his teammates. He's not a leader. Could he be great? Probably not as a 10. He's got flashes though, so I hope I'm wrong.
- Loría in my eyes isn't MLS level and hit his ceiling. I'll accept arguments that he's a good sub for the money.
- Williamson is good but oft-injured, and inconsistently plays to the level of his teammates.
- Moreno is inconsistent, sometimes played out of position, doesn't fit the system, but has potential. He takes chances, which I respect, but maybe doesn't have the best judgement. Maybe he can learn. I hope so. He tries. He's good. He could be great. He probably shouldn't be the starter all the time.
- Mosquera is a good winger but terrible fullback. Or maybe he's a good wingback but terrible fullback, depending on how you define the roles. Maybe he has potential. I increasingly doubt it. He doesn't seem to have the mentality for it. He's Alvas Powell 2.0. I'd love to be wrong. He tried last match. If he becomes a good fullback he'll be great overall.
- McGraw is good but terrible in the system, especially when Mosquera doesn't track back. He's just too slow and sometimes has poor judgement.
- Eric Miller is good as a sub right fullback and decent as a sub left fullback.
- Fogaça isn't good and has no potential. I'd love to be wrong. I like his workrate but he's not MLS quality and never will be.
- Antony is good, not great, and maybe has potential. His first touch is garbage, he's one-footed, and he doesn't make smart runs. He fast though. I don't think he can succeed on a shitty team like ours because he won't see the ball enough. Ideally, he'd understudy to a great winger and learn from them.
- Mora is surprisingly good. He's opportunistic. He's a leader. He's committed. He puts in effort. I still don't think he's a DP and I'd kind of prefer he was a subto an even better forward but it's hard to argue with success.
- Diego Chara. He's still very good. People who say he's lost a step are confusing his inability to cover everybody else's mistakes, and his own occasional lapses, with having lost it. He's barely lost anything. He'd look better on a team that wasn't absolute ass. It's sad for him.
- Araujo. I think he's good but just too slow for this system. His passing is good and he's good with the ball at his feet. His positioning and judgement seem fine, generally. I'd bet he'd look better on a better team too. I could say the same for some former centerbacks as well.
- Paredes. He's good. He's developed and grown on me. He's pretty consistent and generally puts in effort. He rarely pisses me off. I'd hoped he'd develop into a 6 but that's apparently not to be. I think he's hit his ceiling. He's a great rotator or sub. Not a star.
- Ayala. He's good. Could become great if he can stay healthy and get more development. I'm worried about his injury history. He's a bit small and can get pushed around a bit.
- Mabiala. He's just too old and slow now. Good dude. Maybe his last extension was too long. I think the tactics are especially bad for him but he wasn't good enough last season either. Father Time just caught up faster than we expected.
- Asprilla. Is he good? I don't think he really is. But his moments of sheer genius, his workrate, and his heart make him great. As a sub. Flare counts for a lot. I love it when Asprilla dazzles.
- Kamal Miller. He's good but too slow for the system.
- Muse. No idea man.
- Crepeau. He's great but we sure haven't given him a chance to be great for us yet.
- Pantemis. He's good and could be great.
- Sulte. I've only ever seen him be awful. I wish him the best but have no reason for optimism, especially since Muse came on.
- Zuparic. He's the best player in the league, obviously. He's good. Maybe he was great once. He's not good enough for the system at least. If Neville ever substantively changes tactics I think he could be solid for us again. Seems like his attitude may be a problem though. Who knows what to believe?
- Ikoba. Absolute mystery to me. I assume the worst from context clues. Wish him the best. I think he, Sulte, and all who came before underscore how wretched our academy system is. Who do we blame for that? Does it matter? I think it does. I'd love to develop cheap players we could sell to reinvest in the club.
- Bravo. He's great. He could be brilliant. He makes the occasional mistake but that's the price of greatness. He takes risks. He's a fighter too. Love this dude but he still gets underrated and shit on. We're so much better with him on the team. How often do we have good fullbacks, especially a left back. Him, Moreira, and Villafaña are kind of it, right? Farfan showed promise but bringing Jorge back stunted his prospects with us?
I don't know what we can realistically do about our problems near-term. I don't think Nevilleball works even with a right fullback who can defend and faster centerbacks. That would help. But the lack of off-the-ball movement, lack of ball progression through midfield, lack of creative runs, poor passing, low pressure, shitty zonal marking on set piece defending, not closing passing lanes, not stepping to the ball; not making incisive, line-splitting passes; not communicating, poor rotations, not making the final pass or taking shots in the box, passing back all the time, slow build-up, not covering the far post, injuries... It's a lot. Some of these problems predate Neville, so he ought to have accounted for them and adjusted accordingly. The FO has denied lack of talent is a problem. That leaves coaching and attitude or mentality. Attitude and mentality often come back to coaching IMHO.
2024.05.14 08:57 Sad_beech How do I get support when I can’t do anything?
I (23 FTM) have multiple chronic illnesses, both physical and mental, that prevent me from really doing anything. When I’m not having panic attacks, I’m having horrible muscle spasms or my back is in so much pain that my legs give out. I either forget to take care of myself, or when I remember, I don’t have the physical and/or mental capacity to complete the most basic tasks. I rely on my fiancé to assist me with everything as my family, whom we are living with, doesn’t think I need the support. On top of helping me bathe, getting me something to eat, or reminding me to use the bathroom, my fiancé works full time. The entire time he is at work I am stuck in the same spot most of the day until he gets home. As a result he is constantly exhausted with no time to himself, and has a very minimal social life.
I’m too disabled to work, but not disabled enough for assistance. I’ve been denied three times. I have no insurance currently as we can’t afford it. I’m supposed to be going to free clinics in my town for both medical and mental health, but the medical clinic closed down, which stopped me from getting my meds. No more meds, I can’t leave the house, as I was already having a hard time going out while taking them. My therapist kept canceling and missing our zoom appointments and I had to find out two days before my last scheduled appointment that I had to have an earnings statement from the DoL to continue seeing her. I can only get this done in person.
It’s been two months, I’m unsure how I’m supposed to get anything done when my fiancé is only off on one weekday, I have massive panic attacks just stepping on the porch, and I can’t walk for more than like two minutes. I need more support than he can give and neither of us know what to do. Does anyone else know what we should do?
submitted by Sad_beech to LifeAdvice [link] [comments]
I’m too disabled to work, but not disabled enough for assistance. I’ve been denied three times. I have no insurance currently as we can’t afford it. I’m supposed to be going to free clinics in my town for both medical and mental health, but the medical clinic closed down, which stopped me from getting my meds. No more meds, I can’t leave the house, as I was already having a hard time going out while taking them. My therapist kept canceling and missing our zoom appointments and I had to find out two days before my last scheduled appointment that I had to have an earnings statement from the DoL to continue seeing her. I can only get this done in person.
It’s been two months, I’m unsure how I’m supposed to get anything done when my fiancé is only off on one weekday, I have massive panic attacks just stepping on the porch, and I can’t walk for more than like two minutes. I need more support than he can give and neither of us know what to do. Does anyone else know what we should do?
2024.05.14 08:55 Verstehn Finally, a sub that shares my woes! I HATE these dogs!! [heckin' long post sorry but I must vent]
Hiii! I'd like to start off by saying that it's tragic that there are others that share my suffering of having unwanted dogs pushed on them but I'm glad I'm not alone in that. None of you deserve it and I really hope that your situations get better someday because living with shitty dogs you never wanted fucking sucks! I myself am currently coping with a situation surrounding my dad and two dogs that belong to our neighbours. Allegedly at least. In reality? Hmm... bit more complex than that - I don't know if I'm just being overdramatic, it is kind of jumbled and really long, but I'm just so tired of dealing with this and I want someone to hear it
For some context behind the living situation, I am unfortunately at a few months into 27 still living with my parents who rent a townhouse 🙁 It's my own fault really and I have a feeling the situation I'm in now may be fate's rendering of judgement on me for growing up into a failure. It's a really long story but the summary is that I was in a deep depression spiral for a bunch of reasons leading me to make sooo many poor financial and educational decisions starting around late elementary school to last year. About 2 years ago I finally started taking steps towards fixing my problems which included some soul searching within, but I think I've got another year or two yet before I'd consider myself comfortable enough financially to finally get out of here and away from this demented doggy day care more or less for good. For what it might be worth, while I don't pay rent I do help out with chores and pay for various things in general - I've fronted pet supplies and vet bills, gas, groceries, purchased furniture, kitchen tools, paid my mom's car insurance when she's been late on it because of my dad's drinking, paid for maintenance stuff such as some supplies to fix holes or damage that my dad puts in walls and doors, among other things like you know, random stuff that needs fixing haha. I want to think I'm not a *complete* parasite, but I totally understand if you still see me as one. Really, I get it. I promise you I'm trying and I will be useful one day. Until then though, 😔
My parents currently own 3 dogs and 2 cats so it's already pretty crowded here and to top it off I have a mild allergy to pet hair so the only time I ever have a clear nose is when I'm out of the house: a 10yr old schipperke named Kallie, a 4yr old golden retriever named Sundance, and some kind of mix that reminds me of a GSD mixed with a pitbull I guess that's like idk 2-3yrs old - her name is Suzuki and she's a rescue that my parents brought back after selling something to a Kijiji buyer. Dunno her breed exactly though. The cats are a black cat named Ninja that we've had since 2014 and a tabby stray named Loki that followed us home from a dumpster a few years ago so we decided to keep her. I love them both so much and Loki is especially dear to me and is actually closer to being my cat than my parents' cat - I am 100% taking her when I leave. They are relevant to this further down trust me.
For the record I don't have issues with Kallie and Sundance and actually do love them a lot despite the fact that I'm not actually the biggest fan of dogs - they're an exception, and I warmed up to Suzuki about a year ago though she has an issue which is relevant for the problem animals.
Several other dogs that weren't ours have been through this house in the past as my dad is well, soft-hearted and naive when it comes to specifically animals. Some of them have been problems. Some of them represent Problems. All of the extra dogs have been unilaterally his decision and any voice of disapproval ignites a conflict. Right now there are 2 other dogs on top of the family 3 and these two are the Big Problems™️ rn: the first one is a shitzuo (emphasis on the SHIT) named Keno or Kino or who fucking cares I'll just call him Keno. The other one is a mix of something that looks a little like Suzuki, but is white and might have a little chihuahua in him. His name is Benji. I'll start with Benji since I actually have sympathy for his owner and as much as I find him annoying he has some potential to be a decent dog one day if given the proper support, but that's not my problem as it's not my dog.
Benji is a younger doggo, about a year old. His owner is a single mom currently going through a bad divorce from what I hear which honestly is really unfortunate and I do hope her situation improves someday. He's kinda friendly most of the time, but his owner has still not gotten him fixed, which is an issue particularly because of how much time he spends in the same house as Suzuki, who my mom has not gotten fixed either despite my offers to pay for it and attempts to schedule it for her. I regularly stop Benji's attempts to mount her, but I know I won't be able to stop it forever and I'm terrified of the outcome. Every time I bring it up to my parents, I am either blown off with a half-thought response or (in the case of my dad) straight up yelled at and threatened as this dog is apparently just "playing" or "fighting for dominance." 🫠 I just don't want to have to exist next to a bunch of puppies that my parents are completely incapable of taking care of but there's nothing I can do about it. God, imagining the noise level and smell of the house makes me shiver. Aaaaaa. Benji is also an extremely pushy and jealous dog as he's still very young and isn't being trained adequately by either his owner or my dad - I cannot pet the family dogs without this little annoyance trying to worm his way in and interrupt. One positive I can think of is that he at least defers to me and folds over in submission the moment I express any kind of disapproval. Well, that and he isn't Keno.
Keno is.... a fucking NIGHTMARE that is driving me to insanity and I am devoting basically the rest of this rant to this untrained monstrosity and its neglectfully absent handlers. I have never, in my entire life, EVER, hated a dog more than this shaggy, aggressive, shrieking rat. It all started about six months ago when some neighbours who I've never met in my life got this stupid idiot dumbshit animal as a rescue. My mom let it come over once and I had one of those really bad gut feelings. My dad then suggested to them that he could keep an eye on it, as both of the owners work all day and don't get home until later while my dad is at home usually as he's on disability. From then on this curly-haired terror has been at our house almost 7 days a week, for at LEAST 12 hours a day. Let's see if I can describe just much I hate this animal without hitting a character limit.
The dog wasn't (and still isn't) yard trained or outside-trained in general. This dog is like 2 years old or something and every time I've brought it up my dad freaks out and says "that's not going to happen, that's just how he is! Get used to it!" My dad's solution is to cover our ENTIRE front entrance into the building hallway in piss pads. Yea, training pads. These are filled up multiple times a day - sometimes multiple times an HOUR ... you can imagine the amount of garbage this creates which my dad then complains about having to deal with (he's the ONLY reason this dog still comes here) - and yes, he throws the used piss pads in the KITCHEN TRASH, YOU KNOW, THE ONES WITH FECES AND URINE ON THEM 🙃The dog regularly misses too and wastes all over the floor and wall! I rented a carpet cleaner for when I moved rooms and my mom decided to use it after to clean up the entrance way, hahaha, it was pissed up less than 2 hours later! The doors and walls around there are starting to be stained by dog piss and it gets worse when the pads get moved around for whatever reason. If you were to look closely, you may see tiny streaks from where the dog rushed to its mandatory shitting sessions. We used to have a bench beside the door for putting on shoes and stuff, and the closet was actually used for coats, hats, and things. Now the whole area has been devoted to this walking feces factory and on top of that the perpetually soiled pads sit in front of our downstairs bathroom as well. Suffice to say that I have not used that washroom in nearly six months and only make use of the upstairs one now. Petty? Maybe. Legend has it that some of my makeup is still in there.
As mentioned earlier, from what I've been told this dog is a rescue. It has behaviour problems. Crazy, I know. You'd be shocked to know that its owners are not experienced with handling rescues. It barks at many, oh many things. There is not a single multicellular organism in this city that this thing has not barked at. When it gets let outside, the very first thing it does is run to the end of the yard and shriek at the sky! And this thing is one of those dogs that has the projection of a large dog, but the bark of a small one. Yea, it's actually piercing, and if I'm in the same room as it my ears physically hurt when it barks and leaves my ears ringing. Definitely an effective deterrent, as I don't really leave my room anymore while it's here, so I guess I basically don't leave my room anymore except to go to work or cook... Of course this dog does more than bark though! It's actually fairly aggressive, too, because of course it is. You cannot discipline this dog, both because of the coddling my father does for it and the dog's own reaction to various techniques. Very growly and bares its teeth. I went to close the living room curtain once and the dog snapped at my hand, biting me. It has bitten me again one other time when I shooed it out of my new room that I was cleaning out (note: my dad yelled at me later because it's "Keno's relaxing spot" and I'm cruel to take that away from it, don't worry it hasn't been back in since) I'm not allowed to teach this dog in any way, as any genuine attempt from me (mainly out of desperation to make what time I have left in this house livable I don't actually want to teach this mutt, I want it gone) is swiftly shut down by my dad who says once again that the dog will never learn and that's just how it is. GREAT. GET RID OF THE FUCKING THING THEN IF ITS UNFIXABLE. Oh, it's your "duty" to ensure the dog doesn't get put down apparently, because that's what will 100% happen if the dog gets given up according to him. He's not a "killer" 🙄 mf hearing that is unbelievably infuriating this dog will have no fucking chance in the future if it doesn't get given up at least now it could potentially be taken care of by someone halfway decent at it. I've told him multiple times that him ENABLING these dipshit owners is just causing more problems for this awful animal further down the road. I hate the shit out of this thing and I'm still trying to think of its well-being. UGH.
God tho, words cannot describe how much of a trigger this dog's bark is. I hate it. I cannot stand it. It's an audible plague. It worms through earplugs, headphones, walls. I cannot get it out of my fucking mind. Even on the few days this dog isn't here, I can still hear it shrieking away a few doors down. It's barking as I type this part someone save me this dog allegedly was supposed to go home an hour ago. The latest this thing has stayed was until 11:30 PM. What the fuck.
Apparently the dog is fixed. However for some reason it repeatedly tries to mount Suzuki. It does not do that with the other dogs who are all fixed. Huh. Oh, it also likes to rub up against the only part of our couch with an arm rest and has claimed it as its territory - actually briefly fought with Benji over it two weeks ago. Mom said it was a serious incident but nothing came of it, as usual haha. Whatever, point is this dog is a problem in yet another way. I love being told off about not wanting this dog to rub its fucking ass up against my thigh while I'm trying to just sit on the couch for whatever reason at the time.
What makes my blood boil the most about the behaviour though is how this dog treats our cats and even the other neighbour's dog. It's a fucking menace, an actual danger. It chases and harasses our cats in some attempt to police them or something. If Loki jumps onto a high point that she regularly lounges at, he dashes at her and barks at her. If Ninja meows at the door to be put on a leash in the yard, he barks and chases him. This dog has lunged at our cats more than once. I'm scared that something is going to happen to them because those things happen way faster than one can stop them. I don't know if I could handle seeing that image in reality. I really don't think I could. I hope I don't have to and even writing about the possibility gives me anxiety and the fact that my dad jokes about how Keno "definitely came from a family where he was supposed to keep an eye on a cat" just brings me to my fucking limit as it is. I nearly had that sort of scare a couple months ago when Benji and Keno were scrapping in my dad's room. I saw that they were getting too aggressive, but my dad has made it umm, very clear that I am not allowed to police them on it. So yea, it happened super quick - Keno clamped down on Benji's throat and hurt him. While the little guy lived, he now has a semi-persistent cough and at the time I genuinely thought the dog was gonna cross the forever bridge as he was struggling to breathe for like 10min. What changed from this incident? Well, nothing! My dad blamed Benji. I feel really bad about the incident as there was a brief window where I could have stopped it, but my fear of causing an argument with my dad led to an animal getting hurt, even if it's one I'm not a huge fan of.
Where are the owners? Haha. At work apparently. As mentioned, the dog is here nearly 7 days a week, at least 12 hours a day, usually longer than that (7am to 7pm, but this dog has fucking arrived at like 6:10am before.) Weekends are supposed to be a reprieve from this demon, but every couple weekends it'll come over on those days too and sometimes for completely fucking random reasons! Aren't owners usually comfy leaving their dog at their house for two hours? Why the fuck are these people unable to do that? Why do my parents get no notice apparently? Why do my parents take this shit? I am not allowed to voice disapproval towards this dog or the situation of any kind - my dad immediately launches into a tirade more colourful than a pastel palette if I even slightly remind him that I hate this fucking thing. My mom shuts me down - "That's enough.", "Don't", "I don't want your dad to get angry" the last time this happened my dad insisted that either I "love all of them or abuse all of them, no pick and choosing" he then drank himself silly and forgot about it. Why did that happen? I came in the door and pet our dogs plus Benji because he was actually behaving pretty well for once!
Yea the owners are so shitty. Benji's owner has told my mom (who then relayed it to me) about how they find it funny and cute that their awful dog pisses all over our walls and barks teehee 😊 at least Benji's owner tries and walks our schipperke at night sometimes. Keno's diabolical yet incompetent owners very clearly know they have a golden goose in the form of my father who is only spineless when it comes to dogs. He has sadly attached himself to this stupid mutt, and I'm worried that I'm going to have to deal with it for as long as I associate with my parents, at least until it passes. In fact, my dad has straight up said that he considers this dog his own, and part of the family. Many times he has mentioned that poor Keno's "REAL FAMILY" is here in our house. Keno's owners apparently pay my dad $100 a month sometimes for the privilege of letting it ruin this house for a minimum of 60 hours a week. Damn they got a good deal. The owners have other issues too, but basically I just can't believe that this is the hill my dad (and by extension my mom as she's been stockholm'd by my dad) is willing to die on. I can't believe this fucking dog has so much sway in things here. I can't believe my dad constantly praises and gives it love while in the same breath detailling very specifically how much joy I suck away from his life and how much of a regret of his I am. How do I stop being worth less to him than this dog? Before this thing, it was a neighbour's chihuahua named Oreo that also pissed all over the place and yapped. Despite the fact that I'd sometimes exit the shower and have to step over dog shit, I'd much rather have that yappy dog back then keep dealing with this hellspawn. At least back then my father pretended to care about me. I wish this thing would just fucking leave. I wish my mom would actually put her foot down like she says she is. I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of being told about how I'm supposed to just LIKE this shitty dog and how my open dislike of it is animal abuse or some shit that's like actually untrue (what the fuck.) I do my best to just ignore it as much as I can but this dog has driven me to crying fits more than once because it Just. Doesn't. Stop. The reminders are everywhere. It's sunken its teeth into every fucking aspect of life here and I am so miserable. If I could afford it I would move out yesterday. I want out so badly but can only bide my time while bitching like some drama queen because I was an idiot
Wow, this has ballooned way beyond how long I thought it'd be. Oops. Hey, even if you don't read it, it felt pretty good to type.
tldr: THESE 2 DOGS ARE SHIT BUT ONE IS SHITTIER AND THE WORST
submitted by Verstehn to TalesfromtheDogHouse [link] [comments]
For some context behind the living situation, I am unfortunately at a few months into 27 still living with my parents who rent a townhouse 🙁 It's my own fault really and I have a feeling the situation I'm in now may be fate's rendering of judgement on me for growing up into a failure. It's a really long story but the summary is that I was in a deep depression spiral for a bunch of reasons leading me to make sooo many poor financial and educational decisions starting around late elementary school to last year. About 2 years ago I finally started taking steps towards fixing my problems which included some soul searching within, but I think I've got another year or two yet before I'd consider myself comfortable enough financially to finally get out of here and away from this demented doggy day care more or less for good. For what it might be worth, while I don't pay rent I do help out with chores and pay for various things in general - I've fronted pet supplies and vet bills, gas, groceries, purchased furniture, kitchen tools, paid my mom's car insurance when she's been late on it because of my dad's drinking, paid for maintenance stuff such as some supplies to fix holes or damage that my dad puts in walls and doors, among other things like you know, random stuff that needs fixing haha. I want to think I'm not a *complete* parasite, but I totally understand if you still see me as one. Really, I get it. I promise you I'm trying and I will be useful one day. Until then though, 😔
My parents currently own 3 dogs and 2 cats so it's already pretty crowded here and to top it off I have a mild allergy to pet hair so the only time I ever have a clear nose is when I'm out of the house: a 10yr old schipperke named Kallie, a 4yr old golden retriever named Sundance, and some kind of mix that reminds me of a GSD mixed with a pitbull I guess that's like idk 2-3yrs old - her name is Suzuki and she's a rescue that my parents brought back after selling something to a Kijiji buyer. Dunno her breed exactly though. The cats are a black cat named Ninja that we've had since 2014 and a tabby stray named Loki that followed us home from a dumpster a few years ago so we decided to keep her. I love them both so much and Loki is especially dear to me and is actually closer to being my cat than my parents' cat - I am 100% taking her when I leave. They are relevant to this further down trust me.
For the record I don't have issues with Kallie and Sundance and actually do love them a lot despite the fact that I'm not actually the biggest fan of dogs - they're an exception, and I warmed up to Suzuki about a year ago though she has an issue which is relevant for the problem animals.
Several other dogs that weren't ours have been through this house in the past as my dad is well, soft-hearted and naive when it comes to specifically animals. Some of them have been problems. Some of them represent Problems. All of the extra dogs have been unilaterally his decision and any voice of disapproval ignites a conflict. Right now there are 2 other dogs on top of the family 3 and these two are the Big Problems™️ rn: the first one is a shitzuo (emphasis on the SHIT) named Keno or Kino or who fucking cares I'll just call him Keno. The other one is a mix of something that looks a little like Suzuki, but is white and might have a little chihuahua in him. His name is Benji. I'll start with Benji since I actually have sympathy for his owner and as much as I find him annoying he has some potential to be a decent dog one day if given the proper support, but that's not my problem as it's not my dog.
Benji is a younger doggo, about a year old. His owner is a single mom currently going through a bad divorce from what I hear which honestly is really unfortunate and I do hope her situation improves someday. He's kinda friendly most of the time, but his owner has still not gotten him fixed, which is an issue particularly because of how much time he spends in the same house as Suzuki, who my mom has not gotten fixed either despite my offers to pay for it and attempts to schedule it for her. I regularly stop Benji's attempts to mount her, but I know I won't be able to stop it forever and I'm terrified of the outcome. Every time I bring it up to my parents, I am either blown off with a half-thought response or (in the case of my dad) straight up yelled at and threatened as this dog is apparently just "playing" or "fighting for dominance." 🫠 I just don't want to have to exist next to a bunch of puppies that my parents are completely incapable of taking care of but there's nothing I can do about it. God, imagining the noise level and smell of the house makes me shiver. Aaaaaa. Benji is also an extremely pushy and jealous dog as he's still very young and isn't being trained adequately by either his owner or my dad - I cannot pet the family dogs without this little annoyance trying to worm his way in and interrupt. One positive I can think of is that he at least defers to me and folds over in submission the moment I express any kind of disapproval. Well, that and he isn't Keno.
Keno is.... a fucking NIGHTMARE that is driving me to insanity and I am devoting basically the rest of this rant to this untrained monstrosity and its neglectfully absent handlers. I have never, in my entire life, EVER, hated a dog more than this shaggy, aggressive, shrieking rat. It all started about six months ago when some neighbours who I've never met in my life got this stupid idiot dumbshit animal as a rescue. My mom let it come over once and I had one of those really bad gut feelings. My dad then suggested to them that he could keep an eye on it, as both of the owners work all day and don't get home until later while my dad is at home usually as he's on disability. From then on this curly-haired terror has been at our house almost 7 days a week, for at LEAST 12 hours a day. Let's see if I can describe just much I hate this animal without hitting a character limit.
The dog wasn't (and still isn't) yard trained or outside-trained in general. This dog is like 2 years old or something and every time I've brought it up my dad freaks out and says "that's not going to happen, that's just how he is! Get used to it!" My dad's solution is to cover our ENTIRE front entrance into the building hallway in piss pads. Yea, training pads. These are filled up multiple times a day - sometimes multiple times an HOUR ... you can imagine the amount of garbage this creates which my dad then complains about having to deal with (he's the ONLY reason this dog still comes here) - and yes, he throws the used piss pads in the KITCHEN TRASH, YOU KNOW, THE ONES WITH FECES AND URINE ON THEM 🙃The dog regularly misses too and wastes all over the floor and wall! I rented a carpet cleaner for when I moved rooms and my mom decided to use it after to clean up the entrance way, hahaha, it was pissed up less than 2 hours later! The doors and walls around there are starting to be stained by dog piss and it gets worse when the pads get moved around for whatever reason. If you were to look closely, you may see tiny streaks from where the dog rushed to its mandatory shitting sessions. We used to have a bench beside the door for putting on shoes and stuff, and the closet was actually used for coats, hats, and things. Now the whole area has been devoted to this walking feces factory and on top of that the perpetually soiled pads sit in front of our downstairs bathroom as well. Suffice to say that I have not used that washroom in nearly six months and only make use of the upstairs one now. Petty? Maybe. Legend has it that some of my makeup is still in there.
As mentioned earlier, from what I've been told this dog is a rescue. It has behaviour problems. Crazy, I know. You'd be shocked to know that its owners are not experienced with handling rescues. It barks at many, oh many things. There is not a single multicellular organism in this city that this thing has not barked at. When it gets let outside, the very first thing it does is run to the end of the yard and shriek at the sky! And this thing is one of those dogs that has the projection of a large dog, but the bark of a small one. Yea, it's actually piercing, and if I'm in the same room as it my ears physically hurt when it barks and leaves my ears ringing. Definitely an effective deterrent, as I don't really leave my room anymore while it's here, so I guess I basically don't leave my room anymore except to go to work or cook... Of course this dog does more than bark though! It's actually fairly aggressive, too, because of course it is. You cannot discipline this dog, both because of the coddling my father does for it and the dog's own reaction to various techniques. Very growly and bares its teeth. I went to close the living room curtain once and the dog snapped at my hand, biting me. It has bitten me again one other time when I shooed it out of my new room that I was cleaning out (note: my dad yelled at me later because it's "Keno's relaxing spot" and I'm cruel to take that away from it, don't worry it hasn't been back in since) I'm not allowed to teach this dog in any way, as any genuine attempt from me (mainly out of desperation to make what time I have left in this house livable I don't actually want to teach this mutt, I want it gone) is swiftly shut down by my dad who says once again that the dog will never learn and that's just how it is. GREAT. GET RID OF THE FUCKING THING THEN IF ITS UNFIXABLE. Oh, it's your "duty" to ensure the dog doesn't get put down apparently, because that's what will 100% happen if the dog gets given up according to him. He's not a "killer" 🙄 mf hearing that is unbelievably infuriating this dog will have no fucking chance in the future if it doesn't get given up at least now it could potentially be taken care of by someone halfway decent at it. I've told him multiple times that him ENABLING these dipshit owners is just causing more problems for this awful animal further down the road. I hate the shit out of this thing and I'm still trying to think of its well-being. UGH.
God tho, words cannot describe how much of a trigger this dog's bark is. I hate it. I cannot stand it. It's an audible plague. It worms through earplugs, headphones, walls. I cannot get it out of my fucking mind. Even on the few days this dog isn't here, I can still hear it shrieking away a few doors down. It's barking as I type this part someone save me this dog allegedly was supposed to go home an hour ago. The latest this thing has stayed was until 11:30 PM. What the fuck.
Apparently the dog is fixed. However for some reason it repeatedly tries to mount Suzuki. It does not do that with the other dogs who are all fixed. Huh. Oh, it also likes to rub up against the only part of our couch with an arm rest and has claimed it as its territory - actually briefly fought with Benji over it two weeks ago. Mom said it was a serious incident but nothing came of it, as usual haha. Whatever, point is this dog is a problem in yet another way. I love being told off about not wanting this dog to rub its fucking ass up against my thigh while I'm trying to just sit on the couch for whatever reason at the time.
What makes my blood boil the most about the behaviour though is how this dog treats our cats and even the other neighbour's dog. It's a fucking menace, an actual danger. It chases and harasses our cats in some attempt to police them or something. If Loki jumps onto a high point that she regularly lounges at, he dashes at her and barks at her. If Ninja meows at the door to be put on a leash in the yard, he barks and chases him. This dog has lunged at our cats more than once. I'm scared that something is going to happen to them because those things happen way faster than one can stop them. I don't know if I could handle seeing that image in reality. I really don't think I could. I hope I don't have to and even writing about the possibility gives me anxiety and the fact that my dad jokes about how Keno "definitely came from a family where he was supposed to keep an eye on a cat" just brings me to my fucking limit as it is. I nearly had that sort of scare a couple months ago when Benji and Keno were scrapping in my dad's room. I saw that they were getting too aggressive, but my dad has made it umm, very clear that I am not allowed to police them on it. So yea, it happened super quick - Keno clamped down on Benji's throat and hurt him. While the little guy lived, he now has a semi-persistent cough and at the time I genuinely thought the dog was gonna cross the forever bridge as he was struggling to breathe for like 10min. What changed from this incident? Well, nothing! My dad blamed Benji. I feel really bad about the incident as there was a brief window where I could have stopped it, but my fear of causing an argument with my dad led to an animal getting hurt, even if it's one I'm not a huge fan of.
Where are the owners? Haha. At work apparently. As mentioned, the dog is here nearly 7 days a week, at least 12 hours a day, usually longer than that (7am to 7pm, but this dog has fucking arrived at like 6:10am before.) Weekends are supposed to be a reprieve from this demon, but every couple weekends it'll come over on those days too and sometimes for completely fucking random reasons! Aren't owners usually comfy leaving their dog at their house for two hours? Why the fuck are these people unable to do that? Why do my parents get no notice apparently? Why do my parents take this shit? I am not allowed to voice disapproval towards this dog or the situation of any kind - my dad immediately launches into a tirade more colourful than a pastel palette if I even slightly remind him that I hate this fucking thing. My mom shuts me down - "That's enough.", "Don't", "I don't want your dad to get angry" the last time this happened my dad insisted that either I "love all of them or abuse all of them, no pick and choosing" he then drank himself silly and forgot about it. Why did that happen? I came in the door and pet our dogs plus Benji because he was actually behaving pretty well for once!
Yea the owners are so shitty. Benji's owner has told my mom (who then relayed it to me) about how they find it funny and cute that their awful dog pisses all over our walls and barks teehee 😊 at least Benji's owner tries and walks our schipperke at night sometimes. Keno's diabolical yet incompetent owners very clearly know they have a golden goose in the form of my father who is only spineless when it comes to dogs. He has sadly attached himself to this stupid mutt, and I'm worried that I'm going to have to deal with it for as long as I associate with my parents, at least until it passes. In fact, my dad has straight up said that he considers this dog his own, and part of the family. Many times he has mentioned that poor Keno's "REAL FAMILY" is here in our house. Keno's owners apparently pay my dad $100 a month sometimes for the privilege of letting it ruin this house for a minimum of 60 hours a week. Damn they got a good deal. The owners have other issues too, but basically I just can't believe that this is the hill my dad (and by extension my mom as she's been stockholm'd by my dad) is willing to die on. I can't believe this fucking dog has so much sway in things here. I can't believe my dad constantly praises and gives it love while in the same breath detailling very specifically how much joy I suck away from his life and how much of a regret of his I am. How do I stop being worth less to him than this dog? Before this thing, it was a neighbour's chihuahua named Oreo that also pissed all over the place and yapped. Despite the fact that I'd sometimes exit the shower and have to step over dog shit, I'd much rather have that yappy dog back then keep dealing with this hellspawn. At least back then my father pretended to care about me. I wish this thing would just fucking leave. I wish my mom would actually put her foot down like she says she is. I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of being told about how I'm supposed to just LIKE this shitty dog and how my open dislike of it is animal abuse or some shit that's like actually untrue (what the fuck.) I do my best to just ignore it as much as I can but this dog has driven me to crying fits more than once because it Just. Doesn't. Stop. The reminders are everywhere. It's sunken its teeth into every fucking aspect of life here and I am so miserable. If I could afford it I would move out yesterday. I want out so badly but can only bide my time while bitching like some drama queen because I was an idiot
Wow, this has ballooned way beyond how long I thought it'd be. Oops. Hey, even if you don't read it, it felt pretty good to type.
tldr: THESE 2 DOGS ARE SHIT BUT ONE IS SHITTIER AND THE WORST
2024.05.14 08:39 TheSentinelScout I’m pretty sure I’m an INTP, but I want an objective view.
Just a disclaimer, I have ADHD, and I do follow CPT/cognitive personality theory.
—The future on the other hand, I believe is kinda something you could plan for, or have a very vague idea of, but you can’t necessarily do anything about in the present. It’ll come when it comes.
—And for the present, I believe that it’s the most “calm before the storm” scenario. Its characteristics can only be defined by the current situation that’s happening; there’s nothing you could do to mitigate it, other than continuously plan for its eventual outcome.
—I do think authority shouldn’t be challenged as much as specific rules should be challenged. Mainly because yeah, they generally know better.
submitted by TheSentinelScout to MbtiTypeMe [link] [comments]
- Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
- If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
- What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance do you prefer a sport or outdoors event? If an outdoors event what is it? And why? If not what type of activities do you tend to engage in?
- How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
- Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
- Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
- What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
—The future on the other hand, I believe is kinda something you could plan for, or have a very vague idea of, but you can’t necessarily do anything about in the present. It’ll come when it comes.
—And for the present, I believe that it’s the most “calm before the storm” scenario. Its characteristics can only be defined by the current situation that’s happening; there’s nothing you could do to mitigate it, other than continuously plan for its eventual outcome.
- How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
- How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
- How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
- What's important to you and why?
- What do the "highs" in your life look like?
- What do the "lows" in your life look like?
- How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
- Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
- How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
- Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
- Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why would you?
—I do think authority shouldn’t be challenged as much as specific rules should be challenged. Mainly because yeah, they generally know better.
- What is the ideal life, in your opinion?
2024.05.14 08:34 milimji Blue Moon... Reawakened?
Good evening nerds, after perusing last week’s thread about synergies with Jace Reawakened, I wanted to try to start a more in-depth discussion of the archetype that I think might best leverage his abilities: Blue Moon. While the most obvious place for Jace is slotting into the Mystmin-style Dimir Lurrus control shell (and that’s probably just stronger overall regardless of synergy), I think there are some clear benefits to going in another direction, namely: 3MV sorcery-speed value spells to leverage the plot ability, more situational spells to leverage the loot ability, and snap/bolt to leverage the ult.
Before we get too far in, I should note that I don’t have a meaningful match history to show off here. Results have been mediocre as I’ve tweaked toward this current iteration, and I haven’t tested exhaustively enough to thoroughly map out all the matchups. With that being said, it’s a fairly fun deck to play, and I think it might have enough general quality to be somewhat competitive with a refined list and play. With the disclaimer out of the way, let’s get into the deck:
Jace + plot targets:
submitted by milimji to TimelessMagic [link] [comments]
Before we get too far in, I should note that I don’t have a meaningful match history to show off here. Results have been mediocre as I’ve tweaked toward this current iteration, and I haven’t tested exhaustively enough to thoroughly map out all the matchups. With that being said, it’s a fairly fun deck to play, and I think it might have enough general quality to be somewhat competitive with a refined list and play. With the disclaimer out of the way, let’s get into the deck:
Jace + plot targets:
- 2-3x [[Jace Reawakened]] - this is the real development in tech for this deck, and it synergizes very well with the rest of the cards that you already want to be playing
- 2-3x [[Blood Moon]] - The namesake of the deck. Fairly strong against domain, which seems decently represented in the meta. Plotting this on turn 4 is pretty late to fully cripple your opponent, but restricting them to one spell per turn is still useful when holding up interaction.
- 3-4x [[Fae of Wishes]] - Obviously a spicy inclusion, but it’s just such a juicy plot target it’s hard to pass up. Also a good blocker in a pinch, and it turns on Flame of Anor. More discussion on wishboard options to follow.
- 2-3x [[Fable of the Mirror-Breaker]] - Fable is everything you want in a generic plot target: great value for cost, not reliant on instant speed (unlike Archmage’s Charm), excellent with snapcaster, treasures can occasionally let you Blood Moon on otherwise sketchy lands
- 2-4x [[Flame of Anor]] - similar to Fable, this hits the spot as a plot target: plays well at instant speed but isn’t reliant on it, gives you great value to recover from a slow start, and synergizes with both of your creatures
- 4x [[Lightning Bolt]] - Generically great removal, and can occasionally close out the game with a Jace ult. Would prefer to run more if possible
- 4x [[Mana Drain]] - No question, best counter in the format. Your plot targets (and Lorien) tend to make great mana sinks for this as well.
- 2-4x [[Spell Pierce]] - Obviously seeing quite a bit of play in such a fast format. Your favorite card against SnT, Natural Order, Minsc, and the like.
- 2-3x [[Stifle]] - Another spicy inclusion. This spell probably isn’t good enough for the format in general, however it does play uniquely well with Blood Moon. First of all, it supports attacking your opponent’s mana base, and stone-raining an early fetch can make an otherwise middling Blood Moon excellent. Once Blood Moon is on the battlefield, Stifle helps defend it against outs like Boseiju, Otawara, or Leyline Binding.
- 1-2 [[Stern Scolding]] - Bowmasters bad, ergo scolding good. Also incidentally hits many non-bowmasters.
- 2-4x [[Snapcaster Mage]] - Fairly slow card for such a fast format, but that is somewhat mitigated by biasing toward 1MV interaction. Works great with Fable and Flame of Anor.
- 3-4x [[Brainstorm]] - On the upside, find what you need when you need it. On the downside… bowmasters. Probably worthwhile, but I could see trimming here depending on the meta.
- 2-3x [[Lorien Revealed]] - Like a tapped fetch, but more resilient to Blood Moon and synergizes well with snap and mana drain
- ~20 lands - Fairly standard mix of fetches & island duals, heavy on islands to support the Blood Moon. Probably worth running an [[Otawara]] and a [[Mystic Sanctuary]], possibly worth mixing in an additional sanctuary and/or [[Hall of the Storm Giants]] depending on how much you want to tempt fate.
- Tier 1 wish targets - [[Roiling Vortex]], [[Pithing Needle]], [[Surgical Extraction]], [[Unlicensed Hearse]] - nothing too surprising here
- Tier 2 wish targets - [[Test of Talents]], [[Gaea’s Blessing]], [[Tormod’s Crypt]], [[Brotherhood’s End]], additional Blood Moon - additional support for common scenarios, or options for rarer scenarios. Note that you can put Blessing into your deck with Brainstorm when needed
- Generic advantage cards - this is where the wishboard has felt fairly disappointing to be honest. You really want something disgusting like a Valki to close things out, but I’m just not seeing it. I think [[Narset, Parter of Veils]] may be the best option to push a game from even to ahead, but it’s a bit situational and lackluster. [[Search for Azcanta]] is another cheap option, but very slow. [[Chandra, Torch of Defiance]] is a classic for this slot, but it seems to play poorly with the blue pips and instant speeds among the rest of the deck. It could also be that an additional fable is the best option.
- Normal sideboard cards - [[Molten Impact]] and [[Aether Gust]] as general interaction, probably some additional copies of wish targets for depending on the metagame
- Other generic control spells - Archmage’s Charm is fairly bad while plotted and very risky with Blood Moon. Counterspell might be good enough as hard counter #5. Expressive Iteration is great value, but I’m not sure it outcompetes the other value cards already included. Dig Through Time might be worthwhile as a 1-of.
- Delirium package - most blue moon decks I’ve seen have been running this, but I feel like it may just take up too much room for what you get. You don’t get the most out of DRC like a more graveyard-focused or aggressive deck would, bauble is a no-go with vortex (and you don’t have a Lurrus to recur it), and heat can largely be replaced by flame of anor.
- [[Tishana’s Tidebinder]] - This is probably the best fit that I don’t already have locked for the main deck. It’s a wizard, it supports the stifle/moon plan, and it’s great with a fable that sticks. The biggest downside is that it’s expensive, and it doesn’t interact particularly well with Jace, but it might be good enough regardless.
- [[Vendilion Clique]] - Another flash threat option similar to Tidebinder. V clique is also a wizard, it plots better than tidebinder does, and it’s fantastic with Narset if you can get there, but on the downside it doesn’t work with fable.
- [[Fury]] - coming soon, this seems like it will slot in very nicely. Helps keep the board free of bowmasters, and it works rather nicely with fable, either early game as pitch fodder or late game with reflection.
- [[Ragavan, Nimble Pilferer]] - a classic rage inducer when paired with a turn 2 Blood Moon, but honestly doesn’t seem to have a great place in the meta. Decent against SnT, but it seems like every other meta deck has T1 removal, blockers, or both. You also don’t really have enough other must-remove threats to make it backbreaking in the lategame, nor play few enough creatures to expect zero removal in post-sideboard games.
- 3rd color splash - Jund can get away with it with Jegantha, both as limitation on pip requirements and as a safety valve when color screwed. Jund this ain’t, with several 2x blue pip spells and only fable treasures to bail you out. With that being said, there are some interesting options if you’re feeling bold.
- In Temur, you have great midrange cards like Jarsyl (incidentally a wizard) and Oko (wishable). You also have Veil as interaction, and several options to shore up your enchantment removal. Going more exotic, reclamation exists, and [[bramble familiar]] gets a steep discount with Jace.
- Jeskai also has some potential. [[Deputy of Detention]] and [[Reflector Mage]] are both wizards as well as excellent reflection targets. T3f is a solid wish option, and you have veto/swords/fragment if you want additional interaction options.
2024.05.14 08:34 RelativeWrong4232 Which one's the best
 | So one of my friends is currently planning on his build and all the parts are almost final the only thing left is to choose a motherboard which seems to be really confusing since every brands has its pros and cons submitted by RelativeWrong4232 to pcmasterrace [link] [comments] He'll be using this pc mainly for gaming and code compiling or maybe little bit of streaming Parts - 7800x3d, Lancer blade 16x2 6000mhz cl30, msi ventus rtx 4080 super, msi m480pro 2tb, xpg core reactor 850w, thermalright peerless assassin, fractal north xl case Country - Poland So my question are - 1# he'll be using 2 m.2 slots for now and fill the other ones later so does filling the slot will affect the pcie lanes and if yes how much performance difference will be there 2# he's using 2 sticks of ram for now but he'll add other 2 later so does filling all slots affect the ram frequency if yes then how low can it go and which of these mobos is best for that 3# which out of these brands would be safer in terms of bios and after sales service in case something happens (I've heard that asus has fried many chips and has bad rma so what are your thoughts on that) 4#. By reading all the requirements above which motherboard would you recommend I recommend him the b650e pg Riptide which is 900 pln but it has slightly blue colour to it so he didn't like it since he's going for all black no rgb build Budget is not that big of an issue since he's splitting the total bill so he can pay slightly higher than this if it offers the value for it Can anyone also explain what's the exact difference between b650E and x670E, as far as I know it mainly ports and slot and maybe more lanes but not sure Also how does the lanes in motherboard works since on official website it sometims says that m.2_1 or any number will be filled then pcie 5.0x16 will run at x8 or something like that so how does that work and can it impact the performance |
2024.05.14 08:32 ExpressionInner1043 What was your turning point and where are you now?
(Sorry this will be long also sorry for the typos it’s really late while I’m typing this)
Long time lurker in this subreddit as I was hoping to get inspired by some of the users stories though the inspiration lasted only a few minutes. What I’m hoping to get out of this post is some guidance or a wake up call as I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom with no upward motion. I know I need to be better than this and I want to be better than this.
I’m a 26 year old African American male , still lives at home with his parents , no real job at the moment (currently applying) and I feel like all my life I have been persevering,inconsistent , and always playing catch up. But this officially feels like my last chance to lock in and stop messing around with my life. I’m currently on academic suspension from my 3rd year of a doctorate of pharmacy program and in the appeal process to get reinstated back into the program I also got my pharmacist intern license suspended until I get reinstated to school again which is kind of hindering me from getting a job in a pharmacy. I’m trying to take the steps to make myself ready to step back into school and get my act together though I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START!!! I have not told my friends or family about it because I feel like I’ve failed myself and them. I take full responsibility for this. however, the factors leading to this situation date back to 2020. My life felt like I was on the right trajectory I had a great physical and mental health relationship with myself, great connections with family and friends,I had investments, I was planning financially for the future ,I had my own business as a strength and conditioning specialist and worked at a physical therapy facility as an assistant I graduated college with a double major in public health and kinesiology with an emphasis in clinical movement i took the mcat didn’t do too well so I applied out of the country for med school was doing well for the first semester though I began having trouble with my significant other and felt as though we were drifting apart and the situation I felt we were all in at the time was a bit much and it took a toll on me academically and in the relationship trying to balance a fun romantic life with a medical program that I was supposed to dedicate 4-8 years of my life to ultimately lead to me getting dismissed from med school due to not passing to classes . Following this news my ex got a job out of state and moved while I was trying to find a new career shift or professional degree to obtain I immediately landed two pharmacy school interviews about a month after applying and got accepted to one of the schools this career choice was never in my cards as I’ve always wanted to have a doctorate degree and work on that level. Few weeks after that me and my ex had separated officially and it took a bigger toll on me than expected and manifested in the worst ways possible for me . Instead of seeking therapy I copped in other ways. It impacted me financially I bought a brand new Mercedes that took most of my money I was impatient with my investments and sold majority of my bitcoin thinking it wouldn’t go up again (L move) my credit score went from 750+ to low 500’s by placing myself into 15k credit card debt paying for alcohol & weed (exponentially more than what I had before), clothes , and random vacations and dates with women from hinge and tinder all on top of student loans for grad school. I developed a sex addiction and added over 100 bodies in a span of 2 years . Had a panic attack that put me in the ER . All while dragging my way through pharmacy school (I’m more than capable of understanding and implementing the material into practice my study habits and focus were always elsewhere). Not to mention I think I have a social media addiction and my procrastination and laziness has led me to feel more anxious and depressed. My physical fitness and diet has suffered thought not entirely that’s pretty much the only positive habit I have since 2020. I just feel like my life is leading to a path of no return and I’ll be homeless one day. I need to turn things around I can’t always think I’ll catch up I have to get ahead and stay ahead. I want to be person that makes myself proud and inspire other young African American men or anyone who’s had odds stacked against them. How do I turn this around?
submitted by ExpressionInner1043 to selfimprovement [link] [comments]
Long time lurker in this subreddit as I was hoping to get inspired by some of the users stories though the inspiration lasted only a few minutes. What I’m hoping to get out of this post is some guidance or a wake up call as I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom with no upward motion. I know I need to be better than this and I want to be better than this.
I’m a 26 year old African American male , still lives at home with his parents , no real job at the moment (currently applying) and I feel like all my life I have been persevering,inconsistent , and always playing catch up. But this officially feels like my last chance to lock in and stop messing around with my life. I’m currently on academic suspension from my 3rd year of a doctorate of pharmacy program and in the appeal process to get reinstated back into the program I also got my pharmacist intern license suspended until I get reinstated to school again which is kind of hindering me from getting a job in a pharmacy. I’m trying to take the steps to make myself ready to step back into school and get my act together though I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START!!! I have not told my friends or family about it because I feel like I’ve failed myself and them. I take full responsibility for this. however, the factors leading to this situation date back to 2020. My life felt like I was on the right trajectory I had a great physical and mental health relationship with myself, great connections with family and friends,I had investments, I was planning financially for the future ,I had my own business as a strength and conditioning specialist and worked at a physical therapy facility as an assistant I graduated college with a double major in public health and kinesiology with an emphasis in clinical movement i took the mcat didn’t do too well so I applied out of the country for med school was doing well for the first semester though I began having trouble with my significant other and felt as though we were drifting apart and the situation I felt we were all in at the time was a bit much and it took a toll on me academically and in the relationship trying to balance a fun romantic life with a medical program that I was supposed to dedicate 4-8 years of my life to ultimately lead to me getting dismissed from med school due to not passing to classes . Following this news my ex got a job out of state and moved while I was trying to find a new career shift or professional degree to obtain I immediately landed two pharmacy school interviews about a month after applying and got accepted to one of the schools this career choice was never in my cards as I’ve always wanted to have a doctorate degree and work on that level. Few weeks after that me and my ex had separated officially and it took a bigger toll on me than expected and manifested in the worst ways possible for me . Instead of seeking therapy I copped in other ways. It impacted me financially I bought a brand new Mercedes that took most of my money I was impatient with my investments and sold majority of my bitcoin thinking it wouldn’t go up again (L move) my credit score went from 750+ to low 500’s by placing myself into 15k credit card debt paying for alcohol & weed (exponentially more than what I had before), clothes , and random vacations and dates with women from hinge and tinder all on top of student loans for grad school. I developed a sex addiction and added over 100 bodies in a span of 2 years . Had a panic attack that put me in the ER . All while dragging my way through pharmacy school (I’m more than capable of understanding and implementing the material into practice my study habits and focus were always elsewhere). Not to mention I think I have a social media addiction and my procrastination and laziness has led me to feel more anxious and depressed. My physical fitness and diet has suffered thought not entirely that’s pretty much the only positive habit I have since 2020. I just feel like my life is leading to a path of no return and I’ll be homeless one day. I need to turn things around I can’t always think I’ll catch up I have to get ahead and stay ahead. I want to be person that makes myself proud and inspire other young African American men or anyone who’s had odds stacked against them. How do I turn this around?
2024.05.14 08:31 RelativeWrong4232 Which one's the best
So one of my friends is currently planning on his build and all the parts are almost final the only thing left is to choose a motherboard which seems to be really confusing since every brands has its pros and cons
He'll be using this pc mainly for gaming and code compiling or maybe little bit of streaming
Parts - 7800x3d, Lancer blade 16x2 6000mhz cl30, msi ventus rtx 4080 super, msi m480pro 2tb, xpg core reactor 850w, thermalright peerless assassin, fractal north xl case
Country - Poland
So my question are -
1# he'll be using 2 m.2 slots for now and fill the other ones later so does filling the slot will affect the pcie lanes and if yes how much performance difference will be there
2# he's using 2 sticks of ram for now but he'll add other 2 later so does filling all slots affect the ram frequency if yes then how low can it go and which of these mobos is best for that
3# which out of these brands would be safer in terms of bios and after sales service in case something happens (I've heard that asus has fried many chips and has bad rma so what are your thoughts on that)
4#. By reading all the requirements above which motherboard would you recommend
I recommend him the b650e pg Riptide which is 900 pln but it has slightly blue colour to it so he didn't like it since he's going for all black no rgb build
Budget is not that big of an issue since he's splitting the total bill so he can pay slightly higher than this if it offers the value for it
Can anyone also explain what's the exact difference between b650E and x670E, as far as I know it mainly ports and slot and maybe more lanes but not sure
Also how does the lanes in motherboard works since on official website it sometims says that m.2_1 or any number will be filled then pcie 5.0x16 will run at x8 or something like that sohow does that work and can it impact the performance
submitted by RelativeWrong4232 to PcBuild [link] [comments]
He'll be using this pc mainly for gaming and code compiling or maybe little bit of streaming
Parts - 7800x3d, Lancer blade 16x2 6000mhz cl30, msi ventus rtx 4080 super, msi m480pro 2tb, xpg core reactor 850w, thermalright peerless assassin, fractal north xl case
Country - Poland
So my question are -
1# he'll be using 2 m.2 slots for now and fill the other ones later so does filling the slot will affect the pcie lanes and if yes how much performance difference will be there
2# he's using 2 sticks of ram for now but he'll add other 2 later so does filling all slots affect the ram frequency if yes then how low can it go and which of these mobos is best for that
3# which out of these brands would be safer in terms of bios and after sales service in case something happens (I've heard that asus has fried many chips and has bad rma so what are your thoughts on that)
4#. By reading all the requirements above which motherboard would you recommend
I recommend him the b650e pg Riptide which is 900 pln but it has slightly blue colour to it so he didn't like it since he's going for all black no rgb build
Budget is not that big of an issue since he's splitting the total bill so he can pay slightly higher than this if it offers the value for it
Can anyone also explain what's the exact difference between b650E and x670E, as far as I know it mainly ports and slot and maybe more lanes but not sure
Also how does the lanes in motherboard works since on official website it sometims says that m.2_1 or any number will be filled then pcie 5.0x16 will run at x8 or something like that sohow does that work and can it impact the performance
2024.05.14 08:30 Budget-Caregiver5496 Ideas for a new planet/environments + some of my own thoughts to help balancing
New Planets/Environments
Hey guys, I've been thinking a lot about the issues surrounding balance and I hope some of my ideas can give the dev team some fresh takes on how to combat this issue. One idea I had was creating a planet with some sort of underground cave system that is very dark so flashlights can finally be of use. I'm sure many of you remember the ewok hunt game mode from Battlefront 2, and I think Helldivers can create a similar sort of atmosphere and feeling by creating a dark environment where you are constantly turning around and checking your 6. Even in a relatively mid game, I remember being scared shitless of those tiny little Ewoks sprinting around in the darkness, but also having the time of life. Obviously Helldivers does not need to create such an extreme environment, there could be sources of light like bioluminescent bugs or water to create some light, but the point is that players would have to rely on their flashlight. Right now, it seems like the dev team increases difficulty by introducing environmental elements and the widely disliked stratagem modifiers which range from relatively tame and boring to just plain frustrating. Not only would environments like the cave be more challenging and unique compared to the current environmental factors (imo), but this could take some pressure off of the balancing issues because there is more incentive to give the player powerful weapons due to the added difficulty. These sort of environments would also provide opportunities to introduce new enemies, since right now new enemy additions are basically thrown into the horde and there's no real conceptual reason why they have appeared now.
For automatons, a new potential planet could be a dystopian city-like environment that is designed similar to the automaton factories, but much more expansive. The automaton's "cities" are probably closer to where they originate, but creating a more structured planet for them would be very interesting. Imagine laying down on a road or sniping from a window, I think that would be more fun than the bland landscapes we have now. This environment probably wouldn't make the game harder in a similar fashion to the cave system since there would be more cover, but automatons are significantly harder than bugs, and I will absolutely die on that hill.
Anyways, the point of these new ideas is to increase the game's difficulty so that the players enjoy a greater variety of gameplay and the devs can rely on changes like this instead of nerfing guns. After all, nerfing in a PvE game is always going to hurt the player's effectiveness no matter the scenario. Also, the Helldivers' enemies have totally lost their aura, at least in my eyes. Part of this is because obviously I'm going to react more strongly to a bile titan the first time rather than the 1000th time, but part of this is also because most planets are basically featureless expanses of plains. A bile titan is not scary or threatening if I can see it walking from a kilometer away, but seeing a stalker running up to you in a dark cave will probably always inject me with adrenaline (let players join a session and play as enemies? haha).
TLDR: Dark cave systems for bugs and a city-like planet for the automatons so that the increased difficulty of the game comes from the game presenting challenges rather than nerfs to weapons.
Some of my own thoughts
I also have some personal thoughts and opinions on the current state of the game, so take them with a grain of salt. I'm also going to make some assumptions, and I'll try to back them up with a little bit of reasoning. To me, it seems as though the Helldivers dev team lacks big data on their own game. I'm not sure if I'm totally correct, but I believe I heard that the balancing team makes changes based on what percentage of the playerbase uses a certain weapon. This is why I believe the eruptor was nerfed, not because it was overpowered but because a comparatively large portion of the playerbase was using it. Naturally, players will use a relatively strong weapon that is new and eventually the usage will drop once the novelty wears off. However, the eruptor was nerfed a week or two after it was released, which I believe is way too short of a time frame to judge properly how much the players like the weapon. And this is not just the eruptor specifically, many weapons seem to get changed very quickly after they have been buffed or added, and I think the dev team might be overreacting to surges in usage from the playerbase. In general, I hope that the dev team takes a little bit more time to consider their decisions, since right now major changes are being made basically weekly. Already the game is a totally different beast compared to launch, imagine what it would look like in a year.
Another reason why I believe dev team lacks proper analytical data is their inability to track basically any statistic within the game, or at least that's what it looks like to me. The most prevalent example is the 2 billion bug counter which was counted very incorrectly. I know very little about coding, only took one class in college, but creating a simple kill counter like this should be well within any game dev's abilities. They have also failed to track accuracy, kill count, damage, and basically every other statistic you can think of at some point in the game's lifetime. They claim to have fixed some of these issues, but I still have doubts. If they are unable to do create these basic data-tracking tools, then there is no wonder the playerbase reacts so strongly to the balancing changes, and in turn why some certain high-ups have in turn responded critically to the public response because in their eyes they are making the correct decision based on the data presented to them.
To summarize my thoughts, in my eyes the dev team is rushing changes before they have the proper analytical data, which might be corrupted in the first place anyways. They definitely do not properly test the higher difficulties, otherwise they would have known the patrol rate change is absolutely ludicrous. However, I want the dev team to have faith in the quality of their game and know that even if they do not touch the game at all, most of the playerbase will have a fun time. This only emphasizes the importance of changes; positive changes have a greater impact on a good game than a bad game, but the vice versa is also true. I know that Arrowhead was completely crushed last week because of Sony, and I can literally see the palpable stress in some of the higher-ups' messages. Please, take your time, and do not feel forced to make a change unless somehow a game-breaking feature was introduced.
TLDR: The dev team seems to be inundated probably do not have experience trying to manage such a large population, and because they are constantly being hammered by thousands of people and outside factors (Sony), they feel a sort of obligation to make the "perfect" changes which end up being too hasty. It seems to me they make these changes based on the limited data they can scrap during a week timeframe, which might be incorrect in the first place anyways (again I may be totally wrong on this take).
submitted by Budget-Caregiver5496 to Helldivers [link] [comments]
Hey guys, I've been thinking a lot about the issues surrounding balance and I hope some of my ideas can give the dev team some fresh takes on how to combat this issue. One idea I had was creating a planet with some sort of underground cave system that is very dark so flashlights can finally be of use. I'm sure many of you remember the ewok hunt game mode from Battlefront 2, and I think Helldivers can create a similar sort of atmosphere and feeling by creating a dark environment where you are constantly turning around and checking your 6. Even in a relatively mid game, I remember being scared shitless of those tiny little Ewoks sprinting around in the darkness, but also having the time of life. Obviously Helldivers does not need to create such an extreme environment, there could be sources of light like bioluminescent bugs or water to create some light, but the point is that players would have to rely on their flashlight. Right now, it seems like the dev team increases difficulty by introducing environmental elements and the widely disliked stratagem modifiers which range from relatively tame and boring to just plain frustrating. Not only would environments like the cave be more challenging and unique compared to the current environmental factors (imo), but this could take some pressure off of the balancing issues because there is more incentive to give the player powerful weapons due to the added difficulty. These sort of environments would also provide opportunities to introduce new enemies, since right now new enemy additions are basically thrown into the horde and there's no real conceptual reason why they have appeared now.
For automatons, a new potential planet could be a dystopian city-like environment that is designed similar to the automaton factories, but much more expansive. The automaton's "cities" are probably closer to where they originate, but creating a more structured planet for them would be very interesting. Imagine laying down on a road or sniping from a window, I think that would be more fun than the bland landscapes we have now. This environment probably wouldn't make the game harder in a similar fashion to the cave system since there would be more cover, but automatons are significantly harder than bugs, and I will absolutely die on that hill.
Anyways, the point of these new ideas is to increase the game's difficulty so that the players enjoy a greater variety of gameplay and the devs can rely on changes like this instead of nerfing guns. After all, nerfing in a PvE game is always going to hurt the player's effectiveness no matter the scenario. Also, the Helldivers' enemies have totally lost their aura, at least in my eyes. Part of this is because obviously I'm going to react more strongly to a bile titan the first time rather than the 1000th time, but part of this is also because most planets are basically featureless expanses of plains. A bile titan is not scary or threatening if I can see it walking from a kilometer away, but seeing a stalker running up to you in a dark cave will probably always inject me with adrenaline (let players join a session and play as enemies? haha).
TLDR: Dark cave systems for bugs and a city-like planet for the automatons so that the increased difficulty of the game comes from the game presenting challenges rather than nerfs to weapons.
Some of my own thoughts
I also have some personal thoughts and opinions on the current state of the game, so take them with a grain of salt. I'm also going to make some assumptions, and I'll try to back them up with a little bit of reasoning. To me, it seems as though the Helldivers dev team lacks big data on their own game. I'm not sure if I'm totally correct, but I believe I heard that the balancing team makes changes based on what percentage of the playerbase uses a certain weapon. This is why I believe the eruptor was nerfed, not because it was overpowered but because a comparatively large portion of the playerbase was using it. Naturally, players will use a relatively strong weapon that is new and eventually the usage will drop once the novelty wears off. However, the eruptor was nerfed a week or two after it was released, which I believe is way too short of a time frame to judge properly how much the players like the weapon. And this is not just the eruptor specifically, many weapons seem to get changed very quickly after they have been buffed or added, and I think the dev team might be overreacting to surges in usage from the playerbase. In general, I hope that the dev team takes a little bit more time to consider their decisions, since right now major changes are being made basically weekly. Already the game is a totally different beast compared to launch, imagine what it would look like in a year.
Another reason why I believe dev team lacks proper analytical data is their inability to track basically any statistic within the game, or at least that's what it looks like to me. The most prevalent example is the 2 billion bug counter which was counted very incorrectly. I know very little about coding, only took one class in college, but creating a simple kill counter like this should be well within any game dev's abilities. They have also failed to track accuracy, kill count, damage, and basically every other statistic you can think of at some point in the game's lifetime. They claim to have fixed some of these issues, but I still have doubts. If they are unable to do create these basic data-tracking tools, then there is no wonder the playerbase reacts so strongly to the balancing changes, and in turn why some certain high-ups have in turn responded critically to the public response because in their eyes they are making the correct decision based on the data presented to them.
To summarize my thoughts, in my eyes the dev team is rushing changes before they have the proper analytical data, which might be corrupted in the first place anyways. They definitely do not properly test the higher difficulties, otherwise they would have known the patrol rate change is absolutely ludicrous. However, I want the dev team to have faith in the quality of their game and know that even if they do not touch the game at all, most of the playerbase will have a fun time. This only emphasizes the importance of changes; positive changes have a greater impact on a good game than a bad game, but the vice versa is also true. I know that Arrowhead was completely crushed last week because of Sony, and I can literally see the palpable stress in some of the higher-ups' messages. Please, take your time, and do not feel forced to make a change unless somehow a game-breaking feature was introduced.
TLDR: The dev team seems to be inundated probably do not have experience trying to manage such a large population, and because they are constantly being hammered by thousands of people and outside factors (Sony), they feel a sort of obligation to make the "perfect" changes which end up being too hasty. It seems to me they make these changes based on the limited data they can scrap during a week timeframe, which might be incorrect in the first place anyways (again I may be totally wrong on this take).
2024.05.14 08:22 Peazant_Uzi3 I find it funny that people will shit on the admiral agenda saying it’s dead when the yonko agenda doesn’t have much going for it. More in body text
 | Luffy is not part of the yonko agenda, he’s got plot and power of destiny on his side. He’s more than just a yonko the same way roger was, even roger had to become a yonko even tho he’s clearly above that level so counting luffy as part of the yonko agenda really makes no sense. submitted by Peazant_Uzi3 to OnePiecePowerScaling [link] [comments] The yonkos we actually got left are: Buggy who’s a fraud Blackbeard struggled with law more than a yonko should not to mention they jumped him and he still struggled Shanks is one of the few yonko who are carrying the agenda as of now like akainu does the admiral agenda but he looks as if he’s destined to lose to Blackbeard but we just don’t know how strong Blackbeard can really get as of now. He’s also odas boyfriend so he will only get glazed more from now probably Big mom is riddled with anti feats and struggled to put down kid which took shanks one attack. She’s also dead already but no admiral is. She also got packed up already unlike any admiral. Whitebeard used to be on Roger’s level so naturally he had a good performance in MF. His performance is also not an anti feat for akainu btw he’s also dead Kaido actually did really well and deserves to get glazed so won’t say much but he’s also dead Tldr; yonko agenda is on the same level as admiral agenda when you really look at it especially with the current yonko. |
2024.05.14 08:11 jonaskoelker Rewatcher's diary: Season 2, episodes 8 to 10
Previous entry: https://www.reddit.com/buffy/comments/1cpqgdq/rewatchers_diary_season_2_episodes_5_to_7/
On today's menu: The Dark Age (2x8) and What's My Line (2x9-2x10).
Quick thoughts: The Dark Age is fine, What's My Line is part of why BTVS is great.
The Dark Age
Summary: Giles' dark past comes back to haunt him. It ends up hurting Jenny and distancing her from him.
This was fine. I didn't quite have the greatness which BTVS is capable of, but it was fine.
Random thoughts in a random order:
Summary: Career day at school. The next slayer, Kendra, has a short enemies-to-rivals-to-friends with Buffy. Drusilla is restored while Spike is injured during the attempted escape, and Angel is injured during Drusilla's restoration ritual.
Oh boy, this is great. Random thoughts in a random order:
submitted by jonaskoelker to buffy [link] [comments]
On today's menu: The Dark Age (2x8) and What's My Line (2x9-2x10).
Quick thoughts: The Dark Age is fine, What's My Line is part of why BTVS is great.
The Dark Age
Summary: Giles' dark past comes back to haunt him. It ends up hurting Jenny and distancing her from him.
This was fine. I didn't quite have the greatness which BTVS is capable of, but it was fine.
Random thoughts in a random order:
- In this episode we have the line "three down, two to go". In the next one we'll have "one down, one gone", and I think in the previous episode—Lie To Me (2x7)—there was also some take on "N down, M to go". These phrases always make me think of Willow's "one down" line in Villains (6x20), and the title of the next episode, Two to Go (6x21).
- Ooh, more Ethan! Ethan is great!
- I used to be a teenager, but it's a while ago. I liked Buffy's line near the end, which I'll inadvertently paraphrase: "I used to think of you as a grown-up [i.e. distant], now I discovered you're a person [i.e. relatable]". I think I must have forgotten the teen perspective and just how big the gap feels. The ages in my current friendship circles spans four decades. The scoobies at some point refer to Giles as "their grown-up friend". Huh, I guess I'm someone's grown-up friend, and my life feels less weird than the show is made to look on that occasion. Oh well, we have a shared recreational activity in real life, so the friendship that spans a big age range is genuine; affectionate as it is, Giles and the scoobies have more of a working relationship than a friendship. (In my book Giles hasn't fully stepped into the surrogate father role yet.)
- I guess I should talk about how this is a cautionary tale to young people about bad decisions in one's youth having the capacity to exact a price later in life. Uhm. It is.
- Hey, the morgue where Phillip (Deirdre's victim / transfer target) rises from the apparently-dead, is that the same morgue we saw in Never Kill a Boy on the First Date (1x5)? It kinda' looks like it.
- Yay for Willow being assertive towards Xander and Cordelia, "[either get to work, or] get the hell out of my library!"
- Poor Giles, having to once again face the fact that his actions got one of his friends killed, and now having to consider the fact that they may also get his love interest killed.
- Hey, does this feed thematically into the the way Buffy feels responsible for, in some sense, killing Angel (and making Angelus replacing him) in Surprise (2x13)? I think it might.
- Ooh: in this episode Angel saves Jenny. In Passion (2x17) Angel kills Jenny. (Yes, okay, Angelus.)
- Giles' irresponsible decisions almost got Jenny killed. Buffy's irresponsible decisions—unleashing Angelus—actually got Jenny killed.
Summary: Career day at school. The next slayer, Kendra, has a short enemies-to-rivals-to-friends with Buffy. Drusilla is restored while Spike is injured during the attempted escape, and Angel is injured during Drusilla's restoration ritual.
Oh boy, this is great. Random thoughts in a random order:
- Ooh, more Terminator references! Buffy is targeted for termination by (a) someone disguised as a police officer; and (b) a shapeshifting creature made of liquid
metalmaggots. - Buffy is already doing uh supernatural community policing, so her as a police officer makes sense. I've not read the comics but I've heard she actually becomes a LEO. Her future as a LEO doesn't get much screen time, but I was still surprised by how much.
- But her actual career right now is being the Slayer, and Kendra shows Buffy how to do it by the book™.
- In that light, it's interesting that Buffy's determination increases a notch when she realizes it's personal: "no one messes with my boyfriend!"
- Willy! Ooooh I like Willy the slime ball.
- He suggests Buffy and Kendra might do "art photography, but naked". Buffy is 16 which is less than 18. Given SMG's age and look, Willy might have overestimated Buffy's age—but still, if such photography happened it would legally be ch*ld p*rn. I recall Buffy dismissing Willy with a disgusted face. I'm not sure how I feel about the show not commenting more strongly on this.
- On a lighter note (maybe), there was such a wonderful scene with Spike holding Drusilla in his arms and the two dancing after Spike talking about dancing on the slayer's grave. In Crush (5x14) Spike would happily dance with Buffy on Drusilla's grave. Between The Gift (5x22) and Bargaining (6x1-6x2), Spike is deeply troubled by the slayer having a grave. Oh how the tables will turn. And I guess in Chosen (7x22) Buffy is... not dancing, but definitely feeling a sense of relief, while standing atop the place where Spike is buried (the whole in the ground that used to be Sunnydale).
- Spike and Drusilla is an incredibly sexy couple. May I join in, please?
- Oz and Willow, while not yet a couple, are so cute together.
- Xander and Cordelia kiss. They are sooo awkward together.
- Buffy touching and kissing Angel in vamp face at the skating rink: the music makes it appear all romantic and stuff, suggesting that she's mature enough to see the man hiding below the monster's exterior. But really—I think—she's too blinded by hormones to notice the monster and the monstrous pile of red flags.
- Speaking of which, "We have this thing at school / Career day? / How do you know? / I lurk", that came across as somewhat stalker-like behavior to me. When Buffy tries to read Angel's mind in Earshot (3x18) out of jealousy, Angel says "[just ask]". Why doesn't Angel just ask what's going on in Buffy's life, then?
- Drusilla has been wearing her white dress the whole time, which I associate with purity and innocence. When at the end she's restored to her full strength and thus capacity for evil she's wearing all black. A nice contrast.
- Drusilla's white dress makes me think of a bridal gown. I think there ought to be some joke about a vampire couple staying together "till death do you part", but I haven't quite nailed it yet.
- S-tier: 7
- A-tier: 9 10
- B-tier: 3 6 > 1
- C-tier: 8 > 5
- D-tier: 2 4
2024.05.14 08:09 The_Dark-Wanderer What would a Sorcerer Academy look like within DnD lore?
In my campaign I require all players to have their own session zero that are multiple solo sessions until they get to lvl 3-4..at which point all the players meet each other and continue the campaign as normal. The session zero is usually centered around that persons class and background. (My campaign setting is in "late renaissance era".)
I do this to give each player a unique experience and account of events that are happening in the campaign. It also allows that player to have their own unique slice of the pie in the world. Each session zero is intertwined in some fashion. (this took a lot of work) I am currently wrapping up player 2s session zero.
Player 5 chose a sorcerer, so I have created ISAK (Institute for Sorcery and Arcane Knowledge) They will spend much of their session zero here.
I have already created the school...its layout, its 30+ instructors (all sorcerers).. the courses...the quests,, student loans...(sigh) but it suddenly occurred to me that sorcerers don't "learn" magic...they are born with it....how much do I really need to change? How much do sorcerers really know about their innate magic?
I would imagine the sorcerer school would run much differently than the wizard school because nobody chooses to be a sorcerer (well mechanically they do...but lore wise they don't). For one...i think the classes would be smaller...I feel like it would be focused on teaching its students how to control their powers, courses on the different metamagic types, general studies would include the 8 schools of magic, advanced studies would depend on the sorcerers subclass (I allow all subclasses). Does this make sense or am I missing anything?
Sorcerers "pick" their subclass at lvl 1 so I imagine that each subclass would have its own "Prerequisite Courses".
Does anyone have any good suggestions on how I can make the sorcerer academy fall in line with the lore? I understand mechanically they learn spells at every level...but how would that work lore wise if the spells are innate to each individual? I would appreciate any creative advice/suggestions anyone can give me.
To sum it up...What exactly would a school that exclusively taught sorcerers look like? How would it differ from a school that taught exclusively wizards?
The school has to exist because one of the professors and the school has already been tied into player 7s session zero.
I am very aware that as the DM I can make up anything for this to "work"...but I am not doing that...it has to fit in with the lore. Lore is an important part of the campaign. The Lore is sacred......
I allow any race in my campaign but I require each player to take a lore test on whatever race they choose (other than human). If they fail they do not get to play as that race and default to human. 2 of my players failed their test and are now playing as a human. I try to hold myself to the same standard in staying true to the lore....the sorcerer school must fit in within the lore of sorcerers...absolutely no exceptions.
edit: Let me clarify about the test...I gave them all 5 bonus questions...used a 10 point grading scale..it was a 25 question multiple choice......and even gave them each the video I would be basing the test on. I don't feel bad at all that they failed as I gave them every opportunity to pass. I even gave players who scored 100+ 3 unique traits to choose from as incentive to study. Which 2 other players achieved. I did offer the 2 that failed a chance to retake (without the chance of getting unique traits)...they accepted that they failed and were happy to play as human. Here is an example of one of the tests.
What is a unique feature of the orcish language, according to D&D lore
A: It has no written form.
B: Its based on musical tones.
C: Its Elvish in reverse
D: Its a pidgin of Elvish and Dwarvish.
How are Ogrillons typically produced, according to D&D lore.
A: Through experimentation by powerful wizards seeking to create hybrid soldiers.
B: From the union of a female orc and a male ogre, combining the traits of both species
C: By a curse placed on orcs and ogres by a vengeful diety, resulting in their offspring being ogrillons.
D: Through the use of ancient artifacts that can fuse creatures of different species into a new form.
Seems hard...but my Half-Orc player killed his test...scored 103..because he studied and put time into developing his character. Note: not all questions are this difficult.
Now look what my Aasimar players test looked like...that he failed miserably.
Which is the following is not a typical feature of an Aasimars appearance?
A: Halo
B: Wings
C: Tail
D: Silver or Golden eyes
He got this wrong...and most of the others...
I dont see it as restrictive...I put a lot of time and effort integrating a players character into my world...the very least they can do..is learn about the race they are playing.
submitted by The_Dark-Wanderer to DnD [link] [comments]
I do this to give each player a unique experience and account of events that are happening in the campaign. It also allows that player to have their own unique slice of the pie in the world. Each session zero is intertwined in some fashion. (this took a lot of work) I am currently wrapping up player 2s session zero.
Player 5 chose a sorcerer, so I have created ISAK (Institute for Sorcery and Arcane Knowledge) They will spend much of their session zero here.
I have already created the school...its layout, its 30+ instructors (all sorcerers).. the courses...the quests,, student loans...(sigh) but it suddenly occurred to me that sorcerers don't "learn" magic...they are born with it....how much do I really need to change? How much do sorcerers really know about their innate magic?
I would imagine the sorcerer school would run much differently than the wizard school because nobody chooses to be a sorcerer (well mechanically they do...but lore wise they don't). For one...i think the classes would be smaller...I feel like it would be focused on teaching its students how to control their powers, courses on the different metamagic types, general studies would include the 8 schools of magic, advanced studies would depend on the sorcerers subclass (I allow all subclasses). Does this make sense or am I missing anything?
Sorcerers "pick" their subclass at lvl 1 so I imagine that each subclass would have its own "Prerequisite Courses".
Does anyone have any good suggestions on how I can make the sorcerer academy fall in line with the lore? I understand mechanically they learn spells at every level...but how would that work lore wise if the spells are innate to each individual? I would appreciate any creative advice/suggestions anyone can give me.
To sum it up...What exactly would a school that exclusively taught sorcerers look like? How would it differ from a school that taught exclusively wizards?
The school has to exist because one of the professors and the school has already been tied into player 7s session zero.
I am very aware that as the DM I can make up anything for this to "work"...but I am not doing that...it has to fit in with the lore. Lore is an important part of the campaign. The Lore is sacred......
I allow any race in my campaign but I require each player to take a lore test on whatever race they choose (other than human). If they fail they do not get to play as that race and default to human. 2 of my players failed their test and are now playing as a human. I try to hold myself to the same standard in staying true to the lore....the sorcerer school must fit in within the lore of sorcerers...absolutely no exceptions.
edit: Let me clarify about the test...I gave them all 5 bonus questions...used a 10 point grading scale..it was a 25 question multiple choice......and even gave them each the video I would be basing the test on. I don't feel bad at all that they failed as I gave them every opportunity to pass. I even gave players who scored 100+ 3 unique traits to choose from as incentive to study. Which 2 other players achieved. I did offer the 2 that failed a chance to retake (without the chance of getting unique traits)...they accepted that they failed and were happy to play as human. Here is an example of one of the tests.
What is a unique feature of the orcish language, according to D&D lore
A: It has no written form.
B: Its based on musical tones.
C: Its Elvish in reverse
D: Its a pidgin of Elvish and Dwarvish.
How are Ogrillons typically produced, according to D&D lore.
A: Through experimentation by powerful wizards seeking to create hybrid soldiers.
B: From the union of a female orc and a male ogre, combining the traits of both species
C: By a curse placed on orcs and ogres by a vengeful diety, resulting in their offspring being ogrillons.
D: Through the use of ancient artifacts that can fuse creatures of different species into a new form.
Seems hard...but my Half-Orc player killed his test...scored 103..because he studied and put time into developing his character. Note: not all questions are this difficult.
Now look what my Aasimar players test looked like...that he failed miserably.
Which is the following is not a typical feature of an Aasimars appearance?
A: Halo
B: Wings
C: Tail
D: Silver or Golden eyes
He got this wrong...and most of the others...
I dont see it as restrictive...I put a lot of time and effort integrating a players character into my world...the very least they can do..is learn about the race they are playing.
2024.05.14 08:09 just_melancholia How to set boundaries with my racist narcissistic mother?
For context, I’m a 25yo female, that comes from a mixed background (my mother 56F is a white woman from southern Europe, my father is from the Balkans and migrated to my country when he was younger). This is relevant and you will understand later.
I moved away from home as soon as I could when I was 18 after a not so good childhood, and currently live in another European country. My parents are divorced, my father is not really in the picture, I keep in touch with my mother on a daily basis and come visit her and the rest of the family once or twice a year. We never had the best relationship but since I moved out it improved a lot. I’d say we get along better when I’m far away from home.
Anyway, back to the reason of this post. I’ve been seeing this guy for more than a year, he’s great, we’re slowly getting to know each other and see where this is going. We are not in a rush but of course this is a relationship and I felt it was time to tell something more to my mother. I’ve always been quite open about my relationships and people I was dating, however since getting older I started being more private as I don’t think it would be good to mention every failed date to my mother (lol). We come from a typical small town in southern Europe, where people are bigots and close-minded. The news on the tv are constantly complaining about immigrants coming to our country and jadajadajada. The government is mostly right wing. So yeah, I didn’t really mentioned much about this guy, first of all cause I’m trying to keep it private but also because I could imagine her reaction, since she’s the standard average middle age woman that you find on Facebook without much culture. She is ignorant not as an insult but as in the real sense of the word: she ignores, she doesn’t inform herself and just believes whatever the media tells her.
Anyway, she suspected I was seeing someone for a while, I never really said much but I’ve been giving her a few hints in the past weeks and now that I came back to my hometown for a week she started being very curious. The day after I arrived we were casually talking before bed and she just kept asking “C’mon, don’t you have a pic of this guy? Show me! C’mon c’mon! I’m your mother!” so, one side of me didn’t wanna show her, the other one was excited cause at the end of the day I’m proud of my relationship and I was happy to tell her more (maybe naively hoping for a good outcome…). So without thinking much I showed her one of the best pictures of him. Literally in the millisecond while I was showing her the picture she said something like: “hope it’s not a n****” (WHATTT???).
At that point the phone was already on her face. It was done. She said it, and at the same time she saw the picture. She was speechless and I was too. I was ashamed of her. And sad.
She didn’t say anything more for the following 10 minutes, she went to her room and I went to mine. Afterwards she just asked “does he even work?!” And I told her “don’t worry about it, he’s better off than the both of us” just to make her shut up about that question that I found so disrespectful. This made me just so sad, and disappointed.
But the worst had yet to come. We didn’t speak much about it at all until today.
We were having a casual conversation during the afternoon when the relationship topic came out. In particular, we were talking about how your partner should improve your life and not making it worse, meaning he should make you happy, he should bring good positive vibes, get along etc. that’s what I was thinking and referring to. But she started being very materialistic, she asked me “so, in which way is he improving your life?!” in a very aggressive sassy tone “I don’t see anything changing“ she said. I was mentioning that he makes me happy when the conversation degenerated. All sort of things came out of it.
She started by saying:
“well, I truly hopes this will be just a friend and you will keep it like that”
then she continued with:
“please take birth control precautions before you regret it”
“don’t come to me later saying I didn’t stop you”
and the cherry on top was:
“I would have preferred if you told me you were a lesbian cause at least that is cool nowadays”.
I was speechless and I still am.
I asked her what is it that she doesn’t like and what is she basing her opinions on, since she literally knows nothing about him. She couldn’t answer. She kept repeating the same things over and over and she also said she would never want to meet him.
I have to mention that the few guys she met that I was dating were of different cultures, but she never had a problem with them, I guess because the skin color was the same… and in her mind there are probably foreigners of Class A, B, C…
I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I neither expected such a bad reaction.
All this hurts me so much.
I don’t know what to do.
In my mind it neither makes sense cause she married an immigrant but it seems like she never really came to terms with it, she never really accepted it. For instance, I know nothing about my father’s culture, I never learned the language or interesting facts about it because nobody ever thought me anything about it. I only learned about my mother’s culture, the one of the country I lived in. And I always felt out of place because this country is extremely racist. The fact that my father was not a good husband or father has nothing to do with where he comes from. If a person is an idiot, is an idiot no matter what. And I told her this when we were talking. The fact that she had a bad experience doesn’t mean that I will, just because I’m seeing someone from a different culture. I also explained to her that I am myself an immigrant, since I’m living in another country. But it doesn’t seem to click in her head. And when I told her, to her face, that she is indeed racist, she obviously denied it, because how can she be racist if she married an immigrant herself?
And of course during today’s conversation there was some victim behavior on her side, because every time I come back here it’s certain that we are gonna fight and every time it happens I say stuff like “let’s see when and if I will come back again!”. So she was bringing that up cause the other day I said “the first racist comment I hear I’m gone”. She mentioned that, saying I don’t care about her, that she has to beg for me to call her (mind you, we write good morning, good night, text here and there during the day and we talk on the phone 3/4 times a week…). She even said that “she lost me already the moment I left”. Honestly, I don’t know what else more than this she expects from me if what I do is not enough already.
I don’t really know how to handle this. And I’m also just venting and need some support. I wished we could all act as adults, respect each other, have a normal relationship. Am I asking for too much?!
Any advice is highly appreciated.
I’ll be stuck in her house for the next two days and finally I’ll leave on Thursday. I want her to think about her actions and realize where she did wrong before I leave. I don’t wanna put this under the carpet cause it’s unacceptable.
TL;DR: my 25F mother 56F doesn’t approve of my boyfriend 28M just because of the color of his skin. Her opinion is based solely on a photo I showed her and at the same time she plays the victim and claims she lost me the moment I moved abroad and I don’t care about her even if we talk everyday. I wished there was a way to behave like adults. Advices on setting boundaries?
submitted by just_melancholia to narcissisticparents [link] [comments]
I moved away from home as soon as I could when I was 18 after a not so good childhood, and currently live in another European country. My parents are divorced, my father is not really in the picture, I keep in touch with my mother on a daily basis and come visit her and the rest of the family once or twice a year. We never had the best relationship but since I moved out it improved a lot. I’d say we get along better when I’m far away from home.
Anyway, back to the reason of this post. I’ve been seeing this guy for more than a year, he’s great, we’re slowly getting to know each other and see where this is going. We are not in a rush but of course this is a relationship and I felt it was time to tell something more to my mother. I’ve always been quite open about my relationships and people I was dating, however since getting older I started being more private as I don’t think it would be good to mention every failed date to my mother (lol). We come from a typical small town in southern Europe, where people are bigots and close-minded. The news on the tv are constantly complaining about immigrants coming to our country and jadajadajada. The government is mostly right wing. So yeah, I didn’t really mentioned much about this guy, first of all cause I’m trying to keep it private but also because I could imagine her reaction, since she’s the standard average middle age woman that you find on Facebook without much culture. She is ignorant not as an insult but as in the real sense of the word: she ignores, she doesn’t inform herself and just believes whatever the media tells her.
Anyway, she suspected I was seeing someone for a while, I never really said much but I’ve been giving her a few hints in the past weeks and now that I came back to my hometown for a week she started being very curious. The day after I arrived we were casually talking before bed and she just kept asking “C’mon, don’t you have a pic of this guy? Show me! C’mon c’mon! I’m your mother!” so, one side of me didn’t wanna show her, the other one was excited cause at the end of the day I’m proud of my relationship and I was happy to tell her more (maybe naively hoping for a good outcome…). So without thinking much I showed her one of the best pictures of him. Literally in the millisecond while I was showing her the picture she said something like: “hope it’s not a n****” (WHATTT???).
At that point the phone was already on her face. It was done. She said it, and at the same time she saw the picture. She was speechless and I was too. I was ashamed of her. And sad.
She didn’t say anything more for the following 10 minutes, she went to her room and I went to mine. Afterwards she just asked “does he even work?!” And I told her “don’t worry about it, he’s better off than the both of us” just to make her shut up about that question that I found so disrespectful. This made me just so sad, and disappointed.
But the worst had yet to come. We didn’t speak much about it at all until today.
We were having a casual conversation during the afternoon when the relationship topic came out. In particular, we were talking about how your partner should improve your life and not making it worse, meaning he should make you happy, he should bring good positive vibes, get along etc. that’s what I was thinking and referring to. But she started being very materialistic, she asked me “so, in which way is he improving your life?!” in a very aggressive sassy tone “I don’t see anything changing“ she said. I was mentioning that he makes me happy when the conversation degenerated. All sort of things came out of it.
She started by saying:
“well, I truly hopes this will be just a friend and you will keep it like that”
then she continued with:
“please take birth control precautions before you regret it”
“don’t come to me later saying I didn’t stop you”
and the cherry on top was:
“I would have preferred if you told me you were a lesbian cause at least that is cool nowadays”.
I was speechless and I still am.
I asked her what is it that she doesn’t like and what is she basing her opinions on, since she literally knows nothing about him. She couldn’t answer. She kept repeating the same things over and over and she also said she would never want to meet him.
I have to mention that the few guys she met that I was dating were of different cultures, but she never had a problem with them, I guess because the skin color was the same… and in her mind there are probably foreigners of Class A, B, C…
I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I neither expected such a bad reaction.
All this hurts me so much.
I don’t know what to do.
In my mind it neither makes sense cause she married an immigrant but it seems like she never really came to terms with it, she never really accepted it. For instance, I know nothing about my father’s culture, I never learned the language or interesting facts about it because nobody ever thought me anything about it. I only learned about my mother’s culture, the one of the country I lived in. And I always felt out of place because this country is extremely racist. The fact that my father was not a good husband or father has nothing to do with where he comes from. If a person is an idiot, is an idiot no matter what. And I told her this when we were talking. The fact that she had a bad experience doesn’t mean that I will, just because I’m seeing someone from a different culture. I also explained to her that I am myself an immigrant, since I’m living in another country. But it doesn’t seem to click in her head. And when I told her, to her face, that she is indeed racist, she obviously denied it, because how can she be racist if she married an immigrant herself?
And of course during today’s conversation there was some victim behavior on her side, because every time I come back here it’s certain that we are gonna fight and every time it happens I say stuff like “let’s see when and if I will come back again!”. So she was bringing that up cause the other day I said “the first racist comment I hear I’m gone”. She mentioned that, saying I don’t care about her, that she has to beg for me to call her (mind you, we write good morning, good night, text here and there during the day and we talk on the phone 3/4 times a week…). She even said that “she lost me already the moment I left”. Honestly, I don’t know what else more than this she expects from me if what I do is not enough already.
I don’t really know how to handle this. And I’m also just venting and need some support. I wished we could all act as adults, respect each other, have a normal relationship. Am I asking for too much?!
Any advice is highly appreciated.
I’ll be stuck in her house for the next two days and finally I’ll leave on Thursday. I want her to think about her actions and realize where she did wrong before I leave. I don’t wanna put this under the carpet cause it’s unacceptable.
TL;DR: my 25F mother 56F doesn’t approve of my boyfriend 28M just because of the color of his skin. Her opinion is based solely on a photo I showed her and at the same time she plays the victim and claims she lost me the moment I moved abroad and I don’t care about her even if we talk everyday. I wished there was a way to behave like adults. Advices on setting boundaries?
2024.05.14 08:02 Lollybug3739 My First Breakup
I have already posted on here somewhere about how I and my current bf are looking to hopefully get married sometime in the not too distant future. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I could not be happier.
This is about my first boyfriend, let's call him Dick.
I was 24 and he was 19. We met while I was working on a college campus at a Burrito Bowl. Well, actually, that's not strictly true. Although I did not attend that particular college, I was often involved in a religious organization that met on that college campus-in addition to working there. We met when I joined the Discord server for that religious organization, and offered to bring dinner to meet new people. He was the only person to take me up on my offer, and so on a storming night in the middle of a week in October, I rolled up to the campus meeting center with a wagon full of:
-a pot of soup
-tortilla chips
-seasoned bread
-butter
-shredded cheese
-sour cream
-fork, knives, spoons, glasses, and folded cloth napkins
Yes, I basically brought an absolute stranger a full meal. For free. On a college campus. In a wagon.
We hit it off and became really fast friends. Really fast friends. Fast forward to end of April the following year. He and I were hanging out together because he wasn't going to be coming back to that college the following semester. He had lost his scholarship because of bad grades. The night before he was supposed to leave, I took him to one of my favorite restaurants as a farewell treat. It was going to be two years before I could see him again. After I dropped him back off at his dorm, I went to run a few errands of my own. Meanwhile, he is texting me that he hasn't packed anything and he doesn't know where to start. I offered to come help, and he said please.
I was at the store while he was texting me, so I bought for myself a 1.25L bottle of coke, and some chocolate. I got THE text as soon as I had finished checking out: "Hey when you get here, I'd like to talk to you about something that's been on my mind."
I pull up to the dorm and go up to his room, plop myself onto the couch. He left to go get something out of his car that he had forgotten. When he came back, he nervously sat down on the arm of another chair in the room, and proceeded to drink MY coke and chowed down on MY chocolate, while rambling on about how he thought I was super sweet and that he really like me and that he hadn't intended to come back, but now, it was his entire goal to come back one day for me. He didn't ask me right then to be his gf, but said he wanted time to think about it, but would I also think about what my answer would be?
I said I would, and proceeded to get his entire dorm room cleaned and packed by 9 am the next morning. A week later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and we were incredibly happy--for three weeks.
At the end of three weeks, we were talking while he was traveling to and from work, but there just wasn't anything there anymore. He started ("inadvertently") giving me lists of people, animals I would have to please and things I would have to do in order to be his gf. He didn't want to talk to me anymore, I never knew if he would call me or not, or if he would just randomly hang up on me in the middle of a call. He would constantly rather play video games or listen to music than talk to me. I was becoming more and more discouraged and feeling very boxed in. Also, I never received any gifts, flowers or presents from him our entire relationship. I know it is kind of hard to do long distance, but I managed to send TWO packages to him containing meaningful gifts. Side note for those interested: my current bf either sends me flowers/gifts via DoorDash, Instacart, etc., or has me go out and buy what I like and then refunds me the money. I love this so much.
I went away to go volunteer at another religious organization. Right before I left, I bought a plane ticket to go visit him for my birthday week. Everything was arranged. During the camp, we broke up. Here's how.
He knew that he was my first ever for everything. First bf, first serious relationship, first KISS. He played that, and played it hard. He knew that I had boundaries and that I would stick to them, even if I was embarrassed or thought it would hurt him. I was not going to budge on what I thought was right. He told me that his plan was basically to kiss me the minute I stepped off the plane to see if there was any "spark" there. Idk what would have happened if he didn't find the "spark". When I hinted that I might not be comfortable with that, he asked me why, and I said it was the way I was raised. He got upset, told me that he was starting to hate my parents and said that this was the way things were going to go. I hung up with him, called my mom and told her everything. I got her to begrudgingly allow me that if Dick wanted to kiss, I could. That is all I wanted, sex wasn't even on the menu.
At this point, I am mad at Dick. So I called him back and ranted off on him about how I felt about the entire thing, but mentioned that I had "permission" from my mother to kiss him IF I chose. He didn't let it go, but got his mother involved. We argued back and forth for two days. Finally, two days before camp ended, he texted me, asking if we could have an honest conversation. The basics of what he said, over TEXT:
"I love you, and when I say it I do mean it, but I mean it more in the way that you would tell your sister."
I was so distraught and stressed out that I couldn't think of anything else to do other than pray. Over the period of an hour, I literally typed out my heart and feelings to the God I thought I believed in, to Dick. At the end of it, Dick's entire response? "Don't you know that would've been better said to the Big Man Upstairs?"
I ended things immediately.
We tried to remain friends (at first this was mutual agreement, and then entirely his idea) but it didn't work out well at all. All I can say is that Karma is an absolute bitch, and in this matter I am 100% on her side. Hell, I would've even given her the weaponry needed to screw Dick over, even without her asking.
A few months go by and he ends up getting into another relationship. The gf doesn't know me, but tells him that he needs to block me or else. So he does, I end up having to leave the Discord server for the religious group, and I lost contact with most of my support group because of this. I should mention here that these were MY friends, not his. He wasn't even from the same state as I was. I found out from my best friend that just a few short weeks later, Dick went into the server and posted a prayer request about how his gf was missing. Later, he posted another, and even later posted a third. My best friend rang my phone off the hook that night trying to get in touch with me.
Apparently, Dick's gf was incredibly mentally unstable. She had threatened to go end her life, and disappeared. Nobody knew where she was. Dick eventually called the cops, and when they found her, she GASLIT him saying that he was so untrusting, was just the worst, he made her feel that way, all the jazz. They broke it off and I believe she may have been institutionalized for a little bit.
So yeah. I think I'm way happier now, just sayin. :)
submitted by Lollybug3739 to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
This is about my first boyfriend, let's call him Dick.
I was 24 and he was 19. We met while I was working on a college campus at a Burrito Bowl. Well, actually, that's not strictly true. Although I did not attend that particular college, I was often involved in a religious organization that met on that college campus-in addition to working there. We met when I joined the Discord server for that religious organization, and offered to bring dinner to meet new people. He was the only person to take me up on my offer, and so on a storming night in the middle of a week in October, I rolled up to the campus meeting center with a wagon full of:
-a pot of soup
-tortilla chips
-seasoned bread
-butter
-shredded cheese
-sour cream
-fork, knives, spoons, glasses, and folded cloth napkins
Yes, I basically brought an absolute stranger a full meal. For free. On a college campus. In a wagon.
We hit it off and became really fast friends. Really fast friends. Fast forward to end of April the following year. He and I were hanging out together because he wasn't going to be coming back to that college the following semester. He had lost his scholarship because of bad grades. The night before he was supposed to leave, I took him to one of my favorite restaurants as a farewell treat. It was going to be two years before I could see him again. After I dropped him back off at his dorm, I went to run a few errands of my own. Meanwhile, he is texting me that he hasn't packed anything and he doesn't know where to start. I offered to come help, and he said please.
I was at the store while he was texting me, so I bought for myself a 1.25L bottle of coke, and some chocolate. I got THE text as soon as I had finished checking out: "Hey when you get here, I'd like to talk to you about something that's been on my mind."
I pull up to the dorm and go up to his room, plop myself onto the couch. He left to go get something out of his car that he had forgotten. When he came back, he nervously sat down on the arm of another chair in the room, and proceeded to drink MY coke and chowed down on MY chocolate, while rambling on about how he thought I was super sweet and that he really like me and that he hadn't intended to come back, but now, it was his entire goal to come back one day for me. He didn't ask me right then to be his gf, but said he wanted time to think about it, but would I also think about what my answer would be?
I said I would, and proceeded to get his entire dorm room cleaned and packed by 9 am the next morning. A week later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and we were incredibly happy--for three weeks.
At the end of three weeks, we were talking while he was traveling to and from work, but there just wasn't anything there anymore. He started ("inadvertently") giving me lists of people, animals I would have to please and things I would have to do in order to be his gf. He didn't want to talk to me anymore, I never knew if he would call me or not, or if he would just randomly hang up on me in the middle of a call. He would constantly rather play video games or listen to music than talk to me. I was becoming more and more discouraged and feeling very boxed in. Also, I never received any gifts, flowers or presents from him our entire relationship. I know it is kind of hard to do long distance, but I managed to send TWO packages to him containing meaningful gifts. Side note for those interested: my current bf either sends me flowers/gifts via DoorDash, Instacart, etc., or has me go out and buy what I like and then refunds me the money. I love this so much.
I went away to go volunteer at another religious organization. Right before I left, I bought a plane ticket to go visit him for my birthday week. Everything was arranged. During the camp, we broke up. Here's how.
He knew that he was my first ever for everything. First bf, first serious relationship, first KISS. He played that, and played it hard. He knew that I had boundaries and that I would stick to them, even if I was embarrassed or thought it would hurt him. I was not going to budge on what I thought was right. He told me that his plan was basically to kiss me the minute I stepped off the plane to see if there was any "spark" there. Idk what would have happened if he didn't find the "spark". When I hinted that I might not be comfortable with that, he asked me why, and I said it was the way I was raised. He got upset, told me that he was starting to hate my parents and said that this was the way things were going to go. I hung up with him, called my mom and told her everything. I got her to begrudgingly allow me that if Dick wanted to kiss, I could. That is all I wanted, sex wasn't even on the menu.
At this point, I am mad at Dick. So I called him back and ranted off on him about how I felt about the entire thing, but mentioned that I had "permission" from my mother to kiss him IF I chose. He didn't let it go, but got his mother involved. We argued back and forth for two days. Finally, two days before camp ended, he texted me, asking if we could have an honest conversation. The basics of what he said, over TEXT:
"I love you, and when I say it I do mean it, but I mean it more in the way that you would tell your sister."
I was so distraught and stressed out that I couldn't think of anything else to do other than pray. Over the period of an hour, I literally typed out my heart and feelings to the God I thought I believed in, to Dick. At the end of it, Dick's entire response? "Don't you know that would've been better said to the Big Man Upstairs?"
I ended things immediately.
We tried to remain friends (at first this was mutual agreement, and then entirely his idea) but it didn't work out well at all. All I can say is that Karma is an absolute bitch, and in this matter I am 100% on her side. Hell, I would've even given her the weaponry needed to screw Dick over, even without her asking.
A few months go by and he ends up getting into another relationship. The gf doesn't know me, but tells him that he needs to block me or else. So he does, I end up having to leave the Discord server for the religious group, and I lost contact with most of my support group because of this. I should mention here that these were MY friends, not his. He wasn't even from the same state as I was. I found out from my best friend that just a few short weeks later, Dick went into the server and posted a prayer request about how his gf was missing. Later, he posted another, and even later posted a third. My best friend rang my phone off the hook that night trying to get in touch with me.
Apparently, Dick's gf was incredibly mentally unstable. She had threatened to go end her life, and disappeared. Nobody knew where she was. Dick eventually called the cops, and when they found her, she GASLIT him saying that he was so untrusting, was just the worst, he made her feel that way, all the jazz. They broke it off and I believe she may have been institutionalized for a little bit.
So yeah. I think I'm way happier now, just sayin. :)
2024.05.14 08:01 just_melancholia My mother doesn’t approve of my boyfriend just because he is not white and idk what to do
For context, I’m a 25yo female, that comes from a mixed background (my mother 56F is a white woman from southern Europe, my father is from the Balkans and migrated to my country when he was younger). This is relevant and you will understand later.
I moved away from home as soon as I could when I was 18 after a not so good childhood, and currently live in another European country. My parents are divorced, my father is not really in the picture, I keep in touch with my mother on a daily basis and come visit her and the rest of the family once or twice a year. We never had the best relationship but since I moved out it improved a lot. I’d say we get along better when I’m far away from home.
Anyway, back to the reason of this post. I’ve been seeing this guy for more than a year, he’s great, we’re slowly getting to know each other and see where this is going. We are not in a rush but of course this is a relationship and I felt it was time to tell something more to my mother. I’ve always been quite open about my relationships and people I was dating, however since getting older I started being more private as I don’t think it would be good to mention every failed date to my mother (lol). We come from a typical small town in southern Europe, where people are bigots and close-minded. The news on the tv are constantly complaining about immigrants coming to our country and jadajadajada. The government is mostly right wing. So yeah, I didn’t really mentioned much about this guy, first of all cause I’m trying to keep it private but also because I could imagine her reaction, since she’s the standard average middle age woman that you find on Facebook without much culture. She is ignorant not as an insult but as in the real sense of the word: she ignores, she doesn’t inform herself and just believes whatever the media tells her.
Anyway, she suspected I was seeing someone for a while, I never really said much but I’ve been giving her a few hints in the past weeks and now that I came back to my hometown for a week she started being very curious. The day after I arrived we were casually talking before bed and she just kept asking “C’mon, don’t you have a pic of this guy? Show me! C’mon c’mon! I’m your mother!” so, one side of me didn’t wanna show her, the other one was excited cause at the end of the day I’m proud of my relationship and I was happy to tell her more (maybe naively hoping for a good outcome…). So without thinking much I showed her one of the best pictures of him. Literally in the millisecond while I was showing her the picture she said something like: “hope it’s not a n****” (WHATTT???).
At that point the phone was already on her face. It was done. She said it, and at the same time she saw the picture. She was speechless and I was too. I was ashamed of her. And sad.
She didn’t say anything more for the following 10 minutes, she went to her room and I went to mine. Afterwards she just asked “does he even work?!” And I told her “don’t worry about it, he’s better off than the both of us” just to make her shut up about that question that I found so disrespectful. This made me just so sad, and disappointed.
But the worst had yet to come. We didn’t speak much about it at all until today.
We were having a casual conversation during the afternoon when the relationship topic came out. In particular, we were talking about how your partner should improve your life and not making it worse, meaning he should make you happy, he should bring good positive vibes, get along etc. that’s what I was thinking and referring to. But she started being very materialistic, she asked me “so, in which way is he improving your life?!” in a very aggressive sassy tone “I don’t see anything changing“ she said. I was mentioning that he makes me happy when the conversation degenerated. All sort of things came out of it.
She started by saying:
“well, I truly hopes this will be just a friend and you will keep it like that”
She then continued with:
“please take birth control precautions before you regret it”
“don’t come to me later saying I didn’t stop you”
and the cherry on top was:
“I would have preferred if you told me you were a lesbian cause at least that is cool nowadays”.
I was speechless and I still am.
I asked her what is it that she doesn’t like and what is she basing her opinions on, since she literally knows nothing about him. She couldn’t answer. She kept repeating the same things over and over and she also said she would never want to meet him.
I have to mention that the few guys she met that I was dating were of different cultures, but she never had a problem with them, I guess because the skin color was the same… and in her mind there are probably foreigners of Class A, B, C…
I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I neither expected such a bad reaction.
All this hurts me so much.
I don’t know what to do.
In my mind it neither makes sense cause she married an immigrant but it seems like she never really came to terms with it, she never really accepted it. For instance, I know nothing about my father’s culture, I never learned the language or interesting facts about it because nobody ever thought me anything about it. I only learned about my mother’s culture, the one of the country I lived in. And I always felt out of place because this country is extremely racist. The fact that my father was not a good husband or father has nothing to do with where he comes from. If a person is an idiot, is an idiot no matter what. And I told her this when we were talking. The fact that she had a bad experience doesn’t mean that I will, just because I’m seeing someone from a different culture. I also explained to her that I am myself an immigrant, since I’m living in another country. But it doesn’t seem to click in her head. And when I told her, to her face, that she is indeed racist, she obviously denied it, because how can she be racist if she married an immigrant herself?
And of course during today’s conversation there was some victim behavior on her side, because every time I come back here it’s certain that we are gonna fight and every time it happens I say stuff like “let’s see when and if I will come back again!”. So she was bringing that up cause the other day I said “the first racist comment I hear I’m gone”. She mentioned that, saying I don’t care about her, that she has to beg for me to call her (mind you, we write good morning, good night, text here and there during the day and we talk on the phone 3/4 times a week…). She even said that “she lost me already the moment I left”. Honestly, I don’t know what else more than this she expects from me if what I do is not enough already.
So I don’t really know how to handle this. Any advice is appreciated.
TL;DR: my 25F mother 56F doesn’t approve of my boyfriend 28M just because of the color of his skin. Her opinion is based solely on a photo I showed her and claims she lost me.
submitted by just_melancholia to TheGirlSurvivalGuide [link] [comments]
I moved away from home as soon as I could when I was 18 after a not so good childhood, and currently live in another European country. My parents are divorced, my father is not really in the picture, I keep in touch with my mother on a daily basis and come visit her and the rest of the family once or twice a year. We never had the best relationship but since I moved out it improved a lot. I’d say we get along better when I’m far away from home.
Anyway, back to the reason of this post. I’ve been seeing this guy for more than a year, he’s great, we’re slowly getting to know each other and see where this is going. We are not in a rush but of course this is a relationship and I felt it was time to tell something more to my mother. I’ve always been quite open about my relationships and people I was dating, however since getting older I started being more private as I don’t think it would be good to mention every failed date to my mother (lol). We come from a typical small town in southern Europe, where people are bigots and close-minded. The news on the tv are constantly complaining about immigrants coming to our country and jadajadajada. The government is mostly right wing. So yeah, I didn’t really mentioned much about this guy, first of all cause I’m trying to keep it private but also because I could imagine her reaction, since she’s the standard average middle age woman that you find on Facebook without much culture. She is ignorant not as an insult but as in the real sense of the word: she ignores, she doesn’t inform herself and just believes whatever the media tells her.
Anyway, she suspected I was seeing someone for a while, I never really said much but I’ve been giving her a few hints in the past weeks and now that I came back to my hometown for a week she started being very curious. The day after I arrived we were casually talking before bed and she just kept asking “C’mon, don’t you have a pic of this guy? Show me! C’mon c’mon! I’m your mother!” so, one side of me didn’t wanna show her, the other one was excited cause at the end of the day I’m proud of my relationship and I was happy to tell her more (maybe naively hoping for a good outcome…). So without thinking much I showed her one of the best pictures of him. Literally in the millisecond while I was showing her the picture she said something like: “hope it’s not a n****” (WHATTT???).
At that point the phone was already on her face. It was done. She said it, and at the same time she saw the picture. She was speechless and I was too. I was ashamed of her. And sad.
She didn’t say anything more for the following 10 minutes, she went to her room and I went to mine. Afterwards she just asked “does he even work?!” And I told her “don’t worry about it, he’s better off than the both of us” just to make her shut up about that question that I found so disrespectful. This made me just so sad, and disappointed.
But the worst had yet to come. We didn’t speak much about it at all until today.
We were having a casual conversation during the afternoon when the relationship topic came out. In particular, we were talking about how your partner should improve your life and not making it worse, meaning he should make you happy, he should bring good positive vibes, get along etc. that’s what I was thinking and referring to. But she started being very materialistic, she asked me “so, in which way is he improving your life?!” in a very aggressive sassy tone “I don’t see anything changing“ she said. I was mentioning that he makes me happy when the conversation degenerated. All sort of things came out of it.
She started by saying:
“well, I truly hopes this will be just a friend and you will keep it like that”
She then continued with:
“please take birth control precautions before you regret it”
“don’t come to me later saying I didn’t stop you”
and the cherry on top was:
“I would have preferred if you told me you were a lesbian cause at least that is cool nowadays”.
I was speechless and I still am.
I asked her what is it that she doesn’t like and what is she basing her opinions on, since she literally knows nothing about him. She couldn’t answer. She kept repeating the same things over and over and she also said she would never want to meet him.
I have to mention that the few guys she met that I was dating were of different cultures, but she never had a problem with them, I guess because the skin color was the same… and in her mind there are probably foreigners of Class A, B, C…
I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I neither expected such a bad reaction.
All this hurts me so much.
I don’t know what to do.
In my mind it neither makes sense cause she married an immigrant but it seems like she never really came to terms with it, she never really accepted it. For instance, I know nothing about my father’s culture, I never learned the language or interesting facts about it because nobody ever thought me anything about it. I only learned about my mother’s culture, the one of the country I lived in. And I always felt out of place because this country is extremely racist. The fact that my father was not a good husband or father has nothing to do with where he comes from. If a person is an idiot, is an idiot no matter what. And I told her this when we were talking. The fact that she had a bad experience doesn’t mean that I will, just because I’m seeing someone from a different culture. I also explained to her that I am myself an immigrant, since I’m living in another country. But it doesn’t seem to click in her head. And when I told her, to her face, that she is indeed racist, she obviously denied it, because how can she be racist if she married an immigrant herself?
And of course during today’s conversation there was some victim behavior on her side, because every time I come back here it’s certain that we are gonna fight and every time it happens I say stuff like “let’s see when and if I will come back again!”. So she was bringing that up cause the other day I said “the first racist comment I hear I’m gone”. She mentioned that, saying I don’t care about her, that she has to beg for me to call her (mind you, we write good morning, good night, text here and there during the day and we talk on the phone 3/4 times a week…). She even said that “she lost me already the moment I left”. Honestly, I don’t know what else more than this she expects from me if what I do is not enough already.
So I don’t really know how to handle this. Any advice is appreciated.
TL;DR: my 25F mother 56F doesn’t approve of my boyfriend 28M just because of the color of his skin. Her opinion is based solely on a photo I showed her and claims she lost me.
2024.05.14 07:59 hypertonic_saline How much do postcode and exact car details affect the insurance?
28, 0 years ncb, not named on any other cars.
I was planning to buy my first car and was looking to buy a used car upto 15k, a small hot hatch or saloon, and for example, checkd a quote for 120d. I was quoted 4.5 - 5.5k for comprehensive insurance.
I am currently renting in N18, which might definitely be high up on the dodgy postcode list. However, I am moving to South London/Kent soon.
With those insurance prices, I have changed my mind and am thinking of buying an old car under 5k with 3rd party insurance which I will never claim.
How much difference does postcode make to the insurance providers? Should I consider moving first and then applying?
Are there any other ways to reduce your premium?
Does the car make a difference? If you consider Hyundai Santa Fe and Skoda Octavia vRS of the same price - would the quotes be any different?
How much were you paying after 1-2 years of ncb?
Thanks in advance.
submitted by hypertonic_saline to CarTalkUK [link] [comments]
I was planning to buy my first car and was looking to buy a used car upto 15k, a small hot hatch or saloon, and for example, checkd a quote for 120d. I was quoted 4.5 - 5.5k for comprehensive insurance.
I am currently renting in N18, which might definitely be high up on the dodgy postcode list. However, I am moving to South London/Kent soon.
With those insurance prices, I have changed my mind and am thinking of buying an old car under 5k with 3rd party insurance which I will never claim.
How much difference does postcode make to the insurance providers? Should I consider moving first and then applying?
Are there any other ways to reduce your premium?
Does the car make a difference? If you consider Hyundai Santa Fe and Skoda Octavia vRS of the same price - would the quotes be any different?
How much were you paying after 1-2 years of ncb?
Thanks in advance.
2024.05.14 07:46 BigHero4 The base building update we need ... part 2
I think this is a topic we should continuously bring up and discuss because I believe creating a base or home is such an important part of Fallout. After a long day of fighting off the monsters and horrors of Appalachia, we sometimes just want to come home to our homey base and admire our creation and hard work. The more I build, the more I feel restricted on what I can do and have to really plan and sacrifice some creative designs to meet with the building limitations. With the evermore additions to things we can add to our base, base building really needs to be refined. I'll add what we had last post and what suggestions were made as well. I'll also add more of what I've noticed from my return to the game. Previous post for reference.
To add more to the strain of base limits, is it possible to put things on shelves? I feel like they're so bare, id like to have them display items like display cases do.. that would be an amazing change!
Speaking of display cases..
I also believe the limits on display shouldn't be towards the category but towards the item. Wall Displays should be separate than the floor glass display or any floor display to be honest. Even if you didn't increase the total limit for building displays and just separated how many you can make of each (mind you don't decrease the amount to 5 each..), this would improve our base building quality of life.
To further talk about displays, sometimes I can't place wall mounted displays because that wall doesn't have support below, though I was still able to build the wall. If the wall exists, the wall mounted display should be able to go on it.
Scrapping my building item (generator, wall, lights) and losing most of its materials is a little frustrating. If I built it, I should get my materials back though I understand that is what storing items is and that you want to continue to have a game loop for gathering materials. So, its not a huge thing if this isn't changed in some way. Maybe I'm upset because I scrapped a generator to build it after I change the floor and didn't have enough materials anymore to re-build the generator. lol.
Fast Travel Spawn Point
This is a really cool request. Give us the ability to choose where players spawn when they fast travel to my base? Have one custom spawn point that must be put on a foundation or floor. Reason I say this is because my base is on a cliff and sometimes people or even myself don't spawn in my base but on the side of the cliff and then I have to fast travel again. It'd be nice to just have them spawn in a location that is preset so that no one falls or gets stuck.
I can see players setting up traps and what not with this, though I think the benefit outweighs the negative. There are many free fast travel locations if you get stuck and you only drop junk on death so? Maybe I don't know of other negatives from dying but I feel like most people want to show off their homes and not setup prisons lmao.
Shelves as displays
I talked about this earlier though shelves feel empty and I feel like my kitchen shelving would look nice if I can store some ingredients on them. Make it look more full and lively. Otherwise idk what to do with them lmao. Doesn't need to be crazy, just like fill the front side of the shelving unit and have 3 or 4 items to be displayed on the shelf. Also if this is implemented, items on shelves should not go towards STASH limits.
Renaming Power Chassis
I get confused on which power chassis hold what or displays what. Its like 7 power chassis in my stash. It'd be nice to name them lol.
Mark as To Be Scrapped
It'd be nice to mark items as "To Be Scrapped" so you know what you want to scrap, or even sell. That way you don't scrap something by mistake.
Guest Book
I remember reading somewhere an idea of having a guest sign book so that people that visit could sign saying like "I was here' or maybe "yolo 420" lol but it could also be emotes, stickers, pre-generated phrasing that people could sign with like a date saying when they signed it. Would be cool. Even something that could be done on the personal terminal?.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk. Until next time!
submitted by BigHero4 to fo76 [link] [comments]
Disclaimer of Understanding
Listen, I understand there could be hardware limitations in regarding to number of items or models that can be loading and unloaded at any time for the servers though we need to find some middle ground. A way to optimize the base limits to allow for more creativity. I also understand there could be programming limitations though refactoring some the base building limits is a positive change and worth while, especially to continue improving on this game long term (if that's what is planned to be).Quick bullet points of Ideas from previous post
- Wallpaper to be painted on BOTH sides of the wall.
- For the love of god, increase base building limits, since we cant have two camps at the same time. I'm trying to decorate haha. Ideally id love a camp to build my vendor store and a home but hey..im good with either.
- why hard limit displays? I'm a collector, let me show off my collectables :( .. increase or remove display limits.
- Vendor should have a recently sold list. Like 5 items. Sometimes I miss the notifications :(
- allow me to mass select items and scrap. Unless I'm missing something I cant seem to find this feature anywhere.
- posters and wallpaper seem to have troubles meshing. Hopefully this could be fixed. I find posters hide behind wallpaper. Also..
- why does changing wallpaper remove everything off of wall. Sad times. Hopefully this could be changed.
- No-Atmosphere-4145 commented: I'd love for a feature where adding stairs won't cause the entire construction to become unremovable.
- Belickade commented: And how about an undo feature for the times you accidentally scrap a camp object.
- Similar to No-Atmospher-4145's post but I'll add it.. JakLynx commented: I’d love it if adding stairs to a vault wall door with vault door didn’t break the door and literally prevent you from entering.
Base Building Limits Extended
Lets talk about some Quality of Life updates that would help our base building experience. I'll dive deeper into some of the points that need some extra points to it.For the love of god, increase base building limits, since we cant have two camps at the same time..A further increase to maximum storage is not what we're talking about ( while this is something that can be improved upon), we want to be able to build more around our base, the total base building limit is what needs to be increased. Wires should not be apart of the base building costs in my opinion, this would help alleviate some room in the limit. I'm also hoping that wallpaper and things inside the displays don't count towards it but I have not personally checked.
To add more to the strain of base limits, is it possible to put things on shelves? I feel like they're so bare, id like to have them display items like display cases do.. that would be an amazing change!
Speaking of display cases..
why hard limit displays? I'm a collector, let me show off my collectables :( .. increase or remove display limits.Lets increase these AND do not have the items count towards base storage. It sucks so much to see my STASH storage so high and be like "oh, its all the stuff on display" .. AND in the vendor. Putting items in your vendor or on display should remove them from your STASH. This would help the currently implemented STASH limit and it would also be such an improvement to the build system.
I also believe the limits on display shouldn't be towards the category but towards the item. Wall Displays should be separate than the floor glass display or any floor display to be honest. Even if you didn't increase the total limit for building displays and just separated how many you can make of each (mind you don't decrease the amount to 5 each..), this would improve our base building quality of life.
To further talk about displays, sometimes I can't place wall mounted displays because that wall doesn't have support below, though I was still able to build the wall. If the wall exists, the wall mounted display should be able to go on it.
And how about an undo feature for the times you accidentally scrap a camp object.This is self explanatory though this is me emphasizing that this is huge. Big feature needed. Just a general undo last change is such a big help.
STASH Quality of Life Updates
These points were mentioned before but I'm going to mention them again. I understand that Fallout 1st is a good way for you to make some money on the stash limits, so upgrading the already set 1200 storage limit is unlikely BUT there are things that count towards stash that should not be. Such as:- Vendor Items. These should not count towards our stash limit, its in the vendor..
- Displays. The item or weapon is being displayed outside my stash, therefore should not count towards my stash. This should be the case for all displays including bobblehead displays, Nuka-cola displays and so forth. This would alleviate so much space for some people and allow there to be more room without needing to increase the hard limit on STASH space.
New Ideas
Scrapping.Scrapping my building item (generator, wall, lights) and losing most of its materials is a little frustrating. If I built it, I should get my materials back though I understand that is what storing items is and that you want to continue to have a game loop for gathering materials. So, its not a huge thing if this isn't changed in some way. Maybe I'm upset because I scrapped a generator to build it after I change the floor and didn't have enough materials anymore to re-build the generator. lol.
Fast Travel Spawn Point
This is a really cool request. Give us the ability to choose where players spawn when they fast travel to my base? Have one custom spawn point that must be put on a foundation or floor. Reason I say this is because my base is on a cliff and sometimes people or even myself don't spawn in my base but on the side of the cliff and then I have to fast travel again. It'd be nice to just have them spawn in a location that is preset so that no one falls or gets stuck.
I can see players setting up traps and what not with this, though I think the benefit outweighs the negative. There are many free fast travel locations if you get stuck and you only drop junk on death so? Maybe I don't know of other negatives from dying but I feel like most people want to show off their homes and not setup prisons lmao.
Shelves as displays
I talked about this earlier though shelves feel empty and I feel like my kitchen shelving would look nice if I can store some ingredients on them. Make it look more full and lively. Otherwise idk what to do with them lmao. Doesn't need to be crazy, just like fill the front side of the shelving unit and have 3 or 4 items to be displayed on the shelf. Also if this is implemented, items on shelves should not go towards STASH limits.
Renaming Power Chassis
I get confused on which power chassis hold what or displays what. Its like 7 power chassis in my stash. It'd be nice to name them lol.
Mark as To Be Scrapped
It'd be nice to mark items as "To Be Scrapped" so you know what you want to scrap, or even sell. That way you don't scrap something by mistake.
Guest Book
I remember reading somewhere an idea of having a guest sign book so that people that visit could sign saying like "I was here' or maybe "yolo 420" lol but it could also be emotes, stickers, pre-generated phrasing that people could sign with like a date saying when they signed it. Would be cool. Even something that could be done on the personal terminal?.
Conclusion
Look, I get it, some of these features are big asks but overall the quality of life improvements to STASH limits by removing the items displayed and in the vendor would be such a good change and one that wouldn't require too much refactoring of the CAMP code base (I hope). A lot of what was mentioned is nice to have but some are like really important to the ecosystem of building your base. Display limit segregation, removing wires as counting towards base limit, fast travel spawn point, undo button are just some to name that would bring big changes to the base building feature in this game.Thanks for coming to my ted talk. Until next time!
2024.05.14 07:44 ButterscotchPlus1642 I 26M found my gfs spam twitter 25F
Long story short I 26M found my gf’s spam twitter 25f, I have to admit first of all that it was a huge violation of her privacy and I know I was wrong. We talked about it and have moved past it. However it is over a year later and I still think about what I saw.
To start my gf is very supportive and a very good and attentive partner. She has been a huge inspiration to me as I pursue my career and strive to become a more self aware and emotionally developed individual. I love her dearly we have been together 2 years
During this time we had just moved together and its safe to say I had gotten complacent in the relationship. I was not planning and executing dates like i should and I wasn’t doing my part in house upkeep. (I have long sense improved these things, it was my first time in this situation and needed to get into the flow of things, I’m very loving but if im not mindful that will just manifest as me saying “I love you” 100 times a day and constant hugs. And thats not everyone’s love language ) I say this because this was during the time i checked her spam twitter, she was acting distant not returning any affection or engaging with me but hadn’t said why when I asked. When i checked the page she trash talked me almost everyday, most of it I can understand. But to this day certain things still hurt and cast doubt on this relationship for me. She said that she loves sex often but can’t even see herself being intimate with me because I didn’t do “anything strong, sweet, or expensive like its nothing.” She talked about things she would do if we broke up and how i sounded naive whenever we’d be drinking and I started talking about how much I loved her and will be with her forever. But what sticks with me the most is when she compared me to her ex and how she was so wildly attracted to him she wanted to have sex with him all the time and how I “have no game” and am a huge turn off to her. I took it on the chin because after we talked I saw all the ways I could improve and I got to it. I know I probably have no right to say this but it hurt because i felt like she was a safe space for me until that point. Fast forward a year and some change later I have improved my faults and we have no major issues at this time. However our sex life has gradually gotten worse to now we may only have sex a couple times a month. We have talked about it multiple times but its starting to feel like she is giving me the run around. I can’t help but think back to the tweet i saw where she belittled me in comparison to him and think about if i were him this wouldn’t be happening. She has made multiple small comments that indicate she compares us that could have easily gone over my head but didn’t. Once i confronted her about it but she denied and truthfully it could have been my insecurities getting to me but its also a good chance I caught something she didn’t want me to.
Now we rarely have sex, anytime I try to flirt with her its almost always dismissed and she rarely initiates. Honestly I could have made the compromise if it was an issue of mismatched libido because i genuinely love her and our relationship. But knowing it because she has some sort of aversion to me being myself and potentially sees me as less than her ex its like a bullet i can’t swallow. For some background he is a software engineer most likely making well into the 6 figure range and im a veteran who is currently in school to be a radiographer then mri technologist. I am a fairly skilled options trader and I work as a security officer while in school. My income is about 80-90k gross so im not financially struggling but obviously im not making engineer money. Not to sound arrogant at all but im a pretty handsome guy but I have a lot of emotional volatility, I can be difficult sometimes and she doesn’t deserve that when im a jackass because im having big emotions. I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years back so im really forgetful and it can be a struggle keeping a cool head when life does its thing. (Not an excuse in the slightest I always take full accountability for poor behavior) I confide in her a lot when I’m overwhelmed and I wonder if it has made me look weak. I’m not sure what course if action to take moving forward?
TLDR- I found my partners spam twitter and on it she belittled me in comparison to her exe. We had just moved together and I was failing to meet her needs as her partner. A year has passed and it still bothers me
submitted by ButterscotchPlus1642 to relationships [link] [comments]
To start my gf is very supportive and a very good and attentive partner. She has been a huge inspiration to me as I pursue my career and strive to become a more self aware and emotionally developed individual. I love her dearly we have been together 2 years
During this time we had just moved together and its safe to say I had gotten complacent in the relationship. I was not planning and executing dates like i should and I wasn’t doing my part in house upkeep. (I have long sense improved these things, it was my first time in this situation and needed to get into the flow of things, I’m very loving but if im not mindful that will just manifest as me saying “I love you” 100 times a day and constant hugs. And thats not everyone’s love language ) I say this because this was during the time i checked her spam twitter, she was acting distant not returning any affection or engaging with me but hadn’t said why when I asked. When i checked the page she trash talked me almost everyday, most of it I can understand. But to this day certain things still hurt and cast doubt on this relationship for me. She said that she loves sex often but can’t even see herself being intimate with me because I didn’t do “anything strong, sweet, or expensive like its nothing.” She talked about things she would do if we broke up and how i sounded naive whenever we’d be drinking and I started talking about how much I loved her and will be with her forever. But what sticks with me the most is when she compared me to her ex and how she was so wildly attracted to him she wanted to have sex with him all the time and how I “have no game” and am a huge turn off to her. I took it on the chin because after we talked I saw all the ways I could improve and I got to it. I know I probably have no right to say this but it hurt because i felt like she was a safe space for me until that point. Fast forward a year and some change later I have improved my faults and we have no major issues at this time. However our sex life has gradually gotten worse to now we may only have sex a couple times a month. We have talked about it multiple times but its starting to feel like she is giving me the run around. I can’t help but think back to the tweet i saw where she belittled me in comparison to him and think about if i were him this wouldn’t be happening. She has made multiple small comments that indicate she compares us that could have easily gone over my head but didn’t. Once i confronted her about it but she denied and truthfully it could have been my insecurities getting to me but its also a good chance I caught something she didn’t want me to.
Now we rarely have sex, anytime I try to flirt with her its almost always dismissed and she rarely initiates. Honestly I could have made the compromise if it was an issue of mismatched libido because i genuinely love her and our relationship. But knowing it because she has some sort of aversion to me being myself and potentially sees me as less than her ex its like a bullet i can’t swallow. For some background he is a software engineer most likely making well into the 6 figure range and im a veteran who is currently in school to be a radiographer then mri technologist. I am a fairly skilled options trader and I work as a security officer while in school. My income is about 80-90k gross so im not financially struggling but obviously im not making engineer money. Not to sound arrogant at all but im a pretty handsome guy but I have a lot of emotional volatility, I can be difficult sometimes and she doesn’t deserve that when im a jackass because im having big emotions. I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years back so im really forgetful and it can be a struggle keeping a cool head when life does its thing. (Not an excuse in the slightest I always take full accountability for poor behavior) I confide in her a lot when I’m overwhelmed and I wonder if it has made me look weak. I’m not sure what course if action to take moving forward?
TLDR- I found my partners spam twitter and on it she belittled me in comparison to her exe. We had just moved together and I was failing to meet her needs as her partner. A year has passed and it still bothers me
2024.05.14 07:37 LucyAriaRose New Update: My friend keeps on talking about my ex in front of my fiancee
I am STILL NOT the Original Poster. That is u/ta-bff-234324. He posted in AITAH and amiwrong but posted the same text in both subreddits. I chose to use the ones from AITAH
Thanks again to u/Literally_Taken for the rec and to Choice Evidence and u/chickenoodledeprived for letting me know about the update!
Previous BORU here. New update marked with ****\*
Trigger Warning: racism
Mood Spoiler: tentatively happy ending
Original Post: April 1, 2024
My (29M) best friend Jess (29F) keeps on mentioning my ex (29F) in front of my fiancee, and I am thinking of cutting her off. I want to know if I am overreacting, or if Jess is in the wrong.
For context, Jess and I went to the same high school and the same college. We were friends in high school. However, since we both went to the same out-of-state college, we became best friends since then. We have always been there for each other during the best and worst times. However, things have always been platonic, and she is more like a big sister to me, who made sure I stay on the right track.
I have only been in two long-term relationships so far. One was with my ex Lisa for 7 years. We met in college and dated all through our college years. Lisa and Jess also became good friends, too. After college, Lisa and I just grew apart and had different goals in life. I became "boring" after college as I was working on my PhD while doing a full time job. Lisa broke up with me as she wanted to party on weekends, while I was home studying. I was heartbroken, but I don't think I ever blamed her or had resentment towards her, as I understood my decisions were selfish and should not hold her back from having the best life.
Jess always stood by me and comforted me during that time. Jess and Lisa were good friends and Jess always kept on telling me that Lisa loves me and will be back one day when I am ready. I foolishly held on to that hope and stayed friends with Lisa. That was until I met my fiancee Yang. After I finished my PhD, I got a nice job in a big tech company. Yang joined our team a year after me. We started going out for drinks, and dinner and we started dating seriously pretty soon. We are happy together, and financially in a great place. Needless to say, I stopped talking to Lisa after I started dating Yang.
I proposed to Yang a year after we started dating and got engaged last year. Jess has been acting weirdly since we got engaged. One of the first things she said to Yang after we got engaged was how I had planned the same thing for Lisa (proposing on a local hiking trail). It was a bit off-putting that she was bringing up Lisa whom I broke up with almost 5 years ago on such a happy occasion. However, Yang asked me to not spoil my mood, as she felt Jess was just commenting on how I had that plan in mind for years. Since then, every time we meet, Jess without fail brings up Lisa and how the things I am doing are all the things I had planned with Lisa. This happened when we bought a house, planned for vacations, etc. Jess always starts with some nostalgic story and then brings up how Lisa and I were so happy together. She is still good friends with Lisa and keeps giving me updates about Lisa and how great Lisa is doing at work when no one is asking for it. It felt like she was painting a rosy picture of Lisa to Yang and telling Yang that she would always be second to Lisa.
Yang told me Jess's comments bothered her, and I also felt the same. I have brought this up with Jess many times and asked her not to do it. However, she says she will try but since I dated Lisa for 7 years, she would be part of many stories from the past. Also, she asked me why talking about Lisa bothers me and if I still have feelings for her. I have reduced hanging out with Jess. However, she is close with my mom and is always invited to all our family parties and holidays.
I talked to my mom and sister about this and they feel I am overreacting. They feel Jess is just telling stories and since the stories are mostly from college days and later, Lisa will be a character in the story. They also feel I should not be bothered by Jess mentioning Lisa since we broke up a long time ago. I feel that it's disrespectful to Yang as she doesn't need to hear about all the fun Lisa and I had when we were together and how we were planning to get married. Do you think I am the asshole to stop here or Jess is truly acting out of line?
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Probably need to separate your time with your fiancé away from your friend. ... On a side note, your friend comes across poorly on one other aspect. When you were too busy to date so you could study. She is encouraging you to stay available while your ex goes about dating around? Think she ever encouraged your ex to not? Or do you think she was telling your ex she could have all the fun she wanted cause you'd still be around? Food for thought.
An easy: "Jess, you keep bringing up my ex, and keep making comments which are dismissive of my relationship with Yang. I am telling you point blank that this is harming our friendship and it saddens me that you dismiss my feelings as being unimportant on this topic. If you can't respect me, and my relationship with Yang, please understand why it will likely end our friendship."
At this point, I suspect Jess is just being mean to Yang. I would have cut her off long ago if she was not so close to me or my family for so many years.
Lisa is out of the picture, to be honest. I have completely gone no contact with her for the last 2 years.
Jess has feelings for you:
That's not true. I did not write it since I thought it was irrelevant, but Jess is happily married and has a 3 year old kid.
There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but top comments were NTA
Update Post: April 23, 2024 (22 days later)
I wrote a post a month ago regarding my friend Jess mentioning my ex constantly in front of my fiancée. Thanks to everyone who commented, and how inappropriate it was. However, the last month has been nothing but crazy and I still trying to make sense of what happened so far.
After my post, I decided to talk to Jess and gave her an ultimatum not to speak about my ex Lisa again. I know Jess and Lisa are still friends, but I was uncomfortable of her comparing my fiancée Yang with Lisa all the time. I broke up with Lisa 5 years ago, and she is nothing but a faint memory in my past. Jess kept on defending herself and telling me that I was with Lisa for most of my adult life and it's hard to tell any stories from the past without including her. She also blamed me for being emotionally childish and just forgetting about Lisa when she was with me for 7 years. Finally, Jess agreed that she will not bring up Lisa in front of Yang, and I should also not treat Lisa as she does not exist since she is still Jess's friend. I informed Yang about our conversation. Although she was appreciative about it, she said I did not need to do it and she knows how much I love her and every time Jess brings up my Lisa, she feels sorry for Lisa that she let a guy like me go.
Yang went to visit China two weeks ago for a month as we plan to get married in her hometown. She is taking care of her shopping as well as preparations for the wedding. Jess invited me to her house that Friday for dinner as I was home alone. I am also good friends with her husband, and we were all just chatting and drinking in the living room. Around 7.30pm, the doorbell rang, and Jess excitedly went to open the door. To my surprise, it was fucking Lisa at the door. She was all dressed up as if she were ready for a date and came in. I had not seen her in person for almost 3 years and I was shocked to see her. She sat down and started making small talk with me. I was extremely uncomfortable and went into the kitchen to talk to Jess. I was angry at her and asked her what was going on. She kept on telling me that it's been 5 years since the breakup and to get over it and be nice to Lisa. She said Lisa was excited to meet me and she thought we were all adults and could have one fun evening together. We had a fight and I told her that she should not have invited Lisa after our conversation the other day and I do not want to be friends with her anymore. I went into the living room and politely excused myself and told everyone that I had a work emergency and had to leave early. Lisa looked sad, but I genuinely felt uncomfortable to be made to hang out with my ex without my consent.
I came home and called Yang. I have never seen her more furious, and she told me she is not comfortable with Jess anymore as she has some agenda that we do not know about. It's different to talk about Lisa, but to invite her without consulting is not ok. I also felt the same and I called Jess the next day and told her that she crossed a line, and I was terribly upset with her. I stopped taking her calls and ghosted her. I also told my mom and sister about the whole incident.
Last Sunday, my mom called me for lunch. When I got there, I saw Jess was already there. I told my mom that I do not want to talk to Jess and can't stay. However, she asked me to sit as they all wanted to talk to me. I have a glutton for punishment and decided to hear them out. My mom started with how Jess has been there for me all these years and only has my best interest at heart. She kept on telling me that they are the three people (mom, sister, and Jess) that love me the most. Jess started saying how she felt that I was making a big mistake in not having to hear what Lisa had to say. She told me that Lisa was my first love and Lisa is now ready to settle down and we can pick where we left off. She reminded me how broken I was when Lisa left me and how life is giving me a second chance. My sister also chimed in and said how they all liked Lisa more than Yang and how we both looked so great together. Finally, my mom started saying how our culture was so different than Yang and it is hard for them to relate to her. I asked them in what way, and my mom said that they did not understand what Yang says sometimes and have nothing in common with her. Then my mom asked me to think about how Lisa and I would have such wonderful looking kids, while if I marry Yang, our kids will look so different. I started getting their drift and I probed more. My mom told me how our kids would look Asian with "small eyes" and not like any others in the family.
I asked my mom if she cared about my kids looks more and not about how smart they will be since Yang has a PhD. She blew it off, and I realized she just did not want me to marry Yang because she was Chinese and not white. My mom told me to forgive Jess and my mom asked Jess to talk to Lisa on my behalf and asked her if she would be interested in getting back together with me. My mom was adamant that since I loved Lisa so much, I should be happy and pick up things where we left off as that is the best for everyone. I have never been so angry and may have said a lot of unkind things to all of them before I left
I am so depressed right now. I not only lost my best friend, but also am not sure how I can move on from what my mom said. My mom and sister raised me and that is the reason where I am today. However, I cannot get over how racist they are being and how they were just pretending to like Yang all these years while actively working on breaking us up. I have been so shocked that I have not told any of this to Yang so far. I might wait for her to come back next week and talk to her in person.
Again, thanks everyone for all your messages on the last post as they helped me a lot to think through the situation. My life is more fucked up than I could imagine, and I cannot imagine how dejected Yang will feel after hearing all this.
*****New Update Post: May 7, 2024 (5 weeks after OG post)****\*
I wrote a post two months ago regarding my best friend Jess constantly bringing up my ex when talking to my fiancée Yang. I wrote an update two weeks ago about my mom, sister and Jess scheming about trying to get me back with my ex Lisa because they were uncomfortable with Yang being Chinese. They tried to do it when my fiancée was visiting her parents and I felt so betrayed by their actions.
As I said in the previous post, I blew up on my mom and sister about what they said and immediately left. I did not take calls from them or answer texts for the next several days. Their messages initially were anger towards me on why I left before they could finish what they wanted to say. However, I think they realized on day 3 that they might have crossed the line this time and became extremely apologetic. I finally messaged them to leave me alone and not to contact Yang or I until we contact them. Jess did not message me the whole time.
I did not tell Yang about the situation until she came back home 9 days ago. I initially did not know how to bring up the subject, but she sensed something was wrong and asked me about it. I was so worried about hurting her, but I told her about what happened. I was upfront about the stunt Jess pulled and she was angry at Jess. I also told her about my visit to my mother's place, but she did not react with any anger. She just asked me if I was ok.
The next few days were confusing where I was more upset than Yang. She was just excited showing me all pictures and telling me stories. Finally, on last Thursday evening, she opened up and asked me if I was ok about my mom's behavior and what I plan to do. I told her my thoughts and how I cannot forgive them for what they said about her being Asian and them wanting me to marry a Lisa because she was white. I asked her why she was not more upset as it was bothering me.
She told me that when she told her parents about me, they had the exact same reaction for her dating someone who was not Chinese. Her family is very traditional, and her parents were very upset about her decision. It took them a few months to warm up to me and accept me. She never told me about this because she wanted me to have good relationship with her parents. She told me that now they are the most excited doing arrangements for our wedding.
She told me that she has always felt something was off when she talked to my mom, my sister or Jess and they did not like her. My mom and sister would be very friendly with her in front of me, but never invited her for anything when I am not around. She suspected that it may be due to fact that she is not white and does not understand the American traditions. She said she is not upset with them and now that this is in the open, she should talk to them and assure them that she would be as good of a wife as Lisa or any other girl. She said that she does not want to break a family in order to start a new one.
Despite my protests, Yang invited my mom and sister for lunch on Sunday. She said that it would be good for us to talk about everything and hear why they are concerned about her marrying me. I was really not happy with this, but Yang spent most of Sunday morning cooking for them.
When my mom and sister arrived, there were a lot of waterworks and apologies. My mom apologized to Yang and me for her behavior and told us that she would never bring it up again. My sister also was quiet and had tears in her eyes. There were a lot of blame games. My mom and my sister were blaming Jess for constantly telling them how Yang might not be great for me and how she won't fit into our family. My mom and sister fought with Jess after I left and Jess blamed Lisa. Based on Jess's story, Lisa has been depressed for the last few years and when I suddenly got engaged to Yang, it became worse. Jess thought I was also depressed after Lisa left me, because I did not date anyone for 3 years. In reality, I just wanted to focus on my work and studies and never had time. So, Lisa convinced Jess that she has to get back together with me as that is what I wanted too. Jess said how sorry she felt for Lisa as she was her longtime friend and listened to her plan as she thought it was good for everyone.
My mom and sister told us that I should stay away from Jess because she orchestrated the whole situation. They kept on hugging Yang and apologizing to her. Yang in turn also started crying and telling them that she will do better to fit in with them. It was all a big mess. I am still skeptical of my mom's change in heart, but I also want to see Yang happy. However, I think it will take a lot of time and healing before I could truly trust my mom and sister.
Currently, my mom invited us to lunch at her place next week and told me that Jess will not be there. Jess has still not message me or Yang. I really don't know what I can do in this situation. I am still upset and furious at my mom, but I also want to respect Yang's effort to keep the family together. Thanks to everyone for all the messages and supportive comments. It really helped reading them when I was feeling very sad.
submitted by LucyAriaRose to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Thanks again to u/Literally_Taken for the rec and to Choice Evidence and u/chickenoodledeprived for letting me know about the update!
Previous BORU here. New update marked with ****\*
Trigger Warning: racism
Mood Spoiler: tentatively happy ending
Original Post: April 1, 2024
My (29M) best friend Jess (29F) keeps on mentioning my ex (29F) in front of my fiancee, and I am thinking of cutting her off. I want to know if I am overreacting, or if Jess is in the wrong.
For context, Jess and I went to the same high school and the same college. We were friends in high school. However, since we both went to the same out-of-state college, we became best friends since then. We have always been there for each other during the best and worst times. However, things have always been platonic, and she is more like a big sister to me, who made sure I stay on the right track.
I have only been in two long-term relationships so far. One was with my ex Lisa for 7 years. We met in college and dated all through our college years. Lisa and Jess also became good friends, too. After college, Lisa and I just grew apart and had different goals in life. I became "boring" after college as I was working on my PhD while doing a full time job. Lisa broke up with me as she wanted to party on weekends, while I was home studying. I was heartbroken, but I don't think I ever blamed her or had resentment towards her, as I understood my decisions were selfish and should not hold her back from having the best life.
Jess always stood by me and comforted me during that time. Jess and Lisa were good friends and Jess always kept on telling me that Lisa loves me and will be back one day when I am ready. I foolishly held on to that hope and stayed friends with Lisa. That was until I met my fiancee Yang. After I finished my PhD, I got a nice job in a big tech company. Yang joined our team a year after me. We started going out for drinks, and dinner and we started dating seriously pretty soon. We are happy together, and financially in a great place. Needless to say, I stopped talking to Lisa after I started dating Yang.
I proposed to Yang a year after we started dating and got engaged last year. Jess has been acting weirdly since we got engaged. One of the first things she said to Yang after we got engaged was how I had planned the same thing for Lisa (proposing on a local hiking trail). It was a bit off-putting that she was bringing up Lisa whom I broke up with almost 5 years ago on such a happy occasion. However, Yang asked me to not spoil my mood, as she felt Jess was just commenting on how I had that plan in mind for years. Since then, every time we meet, Jess without fail brings up Lisa and how the things I am doing are all the things I had planned with Lisa. This happened when we bought a house, planned for vacations, etc. Jess always starts with some nostalgic story and then brings up how Lisa and I were so happy together. She is still good friends with Lisa and keeps giving me updates about Lisa and how great Lisa is doing at work when no one is asking for it. It felt like she was painting a rosy picture of Lisa to Yang and telling Yang that she would always be second to Lisa.
Yang told me Jess's comments bothered her, and I also felt the same. I have brought this up with Jess many times and asked her not to do it. However, she says she will try but since I dated Lisa for 7 years, she would be part of many stories from the past. Also, she asked me why talking about Lisa bothers me and if I still have feelings for her. I have reduced hanging out with Jess. However, she is close with my mom and is always invited to all our family parties and holidays.
I talked to my mom and sister about this and they feel I am overreacting. They feel Jess is just telling stories and since the stories are mostly from college days and later, Lisa will be a character in the story. They also feel I should not be bothered by Jess mentioning Lisa since we broke up a long time ago. I feel that it's disrespectful to Yang as she doesn't need to hear about all the fun Lisa and I had when we were together and how we were planning to get married. Do you think I am the asshole to stop here or Jess is truly acting out of line?
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Probably need to separate your time with your fiancé away from your friend. ... On a side note, your friend comes across poorly on one other aspect. When you were too busy to date so you could study. She is encouraging you to stay available while your ex goes about dating around? Think she ever encouraged your ex to not? Or do you think she was telling your ex she could have all the fun she wanted cause you'd still be around? Food for thought.
OOP: She thought we were 24 when we broke up and she always justified that Lisa was young and it's natural to date around before you settle down. She also encouraged me to do the same. However, after my breakup, I decided that I would not be in a relationship (based on what happened to the previous one) and never dated anyone until after I graduated.Commenter: Not wrong, in fact it's thoughtful of your finace's feelings. " Jess always kept on telling me that Lisa loves me and will be back one day when I am ready." - yikes.
An easy: "Jess, you keep bringing up my ex, and keep making comments which are dismissive of my relationship with Yang. I am telling you point blank that this is harming our friendship and it saddens me that you dismiss my feelings as being unimportant on this topic. If you can't respect me, and my relationship with Yang, please understand why it will likely end our friendship."
OOP: We have had this exact conversation. Jess then proceeded to ask Yang is she offended by her telling stories about me. Yang was polite and said she is ok. Then she told me I am being too sensitive.Commenter: Op do you know if Lisa is married? Maybe Jess is trying to sabotage your engagement so you can be with Lisa.
OOP: I know Lisa is single. She has not been in any serious long term relationship after me. Infant, Jess always makes it a point to bring that up regularly and update me, even after I tell her I have no interest. My mom loves gossip and they also discuss a out Lisa regularly.Jess is just being a mean girl/have you talked to Lisa at all?
At this point, I suspect Jess is just being mean to Yang. I would have cut her off long ago if she was not so close to me or my family for so many years.
Lisa is out of the picture, to be honest. I have completely gone no contact with her for the last 2 years.
Jess has feelings for you:
That's not true. I did not write it since I thought it was irrelevant, but Jess is happily married and has a 3 year old kid.
There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but top comments were NTA
Update Post: April 23, 2024 (22 days later)
I wrote a post a month ago regarding my friend Jess mentioning my ex constantly in front of my fiancée. Thanks to everyone who commented, and how inappropriate it was. However, the last month has been nothing but crazy and I still trying to make sense of what happened so far.
After my post, I decided to talk to Jess and gave her an ultimatum not to speak about my ex Lisa again. I know Jess and Lisa are still friends, but I was uncomfortable of her comparing my fiancée Yang with Lisa all the time. I broke up with Lisa 5 years ago, and she is nothing but a faint memory in my past. Jess kept on defending herself and telling me that I was with Lisa for most of my adult life and it's hard to tell any stories from the past without including her. She also blamed me for being emotionally childish and just forgetting about Lisa when she was with me for 7 years. Finally, Jess agreed that she will not bring up Lisa in front of Yang, and I should also not treat Lisa as she does not exist since she is still Jess's friend. I informed Yang about our conversation. Although she was appreciative about it, she said I did not need to do it and she knows how much I love her and every time Jess brings up my Lisa, she feels sorry for Lisa that she let a guy like me go.
Yang went to visit China two weeks ago for a month as we plan to get married in her hometown. She is taking care of her shopping as well as preparations for the wedding. Jess invited me to her house that Friday for dinner as I was home alone. I am also good friends with her husband, and we were all just chatting and drinking in the living room. Around 7.30pm, the doorbell rang, and Jess excitedly went to open the door. To my surprise, it was fucking Lisa at the door. She was all dressed up as if she were ready for a date and came in. I had not seen her in person for almost 3 years and I was shocked to see her. She sat down and started making small talk with me. I was extremely uncomfortable and went into the kitchen to talk to Jess. I was angry at her and asked her what was going on. She kept on telling me that it's been 5 years since the breakup and to get over it and be nice to Lisa. She said Lisa was excited to meet me and she thought we were all adults and could have one fun evening together. We had a fight and I told her that she should not have invited Lisa after our conversation the other day and I do not want to be friends with her anymore. I went into the living room and politely excused myself and told everyone that I had a work emergency and had to leave early. Lisa looked sad, but I genuinely felt uncomfortable to be made to hang out with my ex without my consent.
I came home and called Yang. I have never seen her more furious, and she told me she is not comfortable with Jess anymore as she has some agenda that we do not know about. It's different to talk about Lisa, but to invite her without consulting is not ok. I also felt the same and I called Jess the next day and told her that she crossed a line, and I was terribly upset with her. I stopped taking her calls and ghosted her. I also told my mom and sister about the whole incident.
Last Sunday, my mom called me for lunch. When I got there, I saw Jess was already there. I told my mom that I do not want to talk to Jess and can't stay. However, she asked me to sit as they all wanted to talk to me. I have a glutton for punishment and decided to hear them out. My mom started with how Jess has been there for me all these years and only has my best interest at heart. She kept on telling me that they are the three people (mom, sister, and Jess) that love me the most. Jess started saying how she felt that I was making a big mistake in not having to hear what Lisa had to say. She told me that Lisa was my first love and Lisa is now ready to settle down and we can pick where we left off. She reminded me how broken I was when Lisa left me and how life is giving me a second chance. My sister also chimed in and said how they all liked Lisa more than Yang and how we both looked so great together. Finally, my mom started saying how our culture was so different than Yang and it is hard for them to relate to her. I asked them in what way, and my mom said that they did not understand what Yang says sometimes and have nothing in common with her. Then my mom asked me to think about how Lisa and I would have such wonderful looking kids, while if I marry Yang, our kids will look so different. I started getting their drift and I probed more. My mom told me how our kids would look Asian with "small eyes" and not like any others in the family.
I asked my mom if she cared about my kids looks more and not about how smart they will be since Yang has a PhD. She blew it off, and I realized she just did not want me to marry Yang because she was Chinese and not white. My mom told me to forgive Jess and my mom asked Jess to talk to Lisa on my behalf and asked her if she would be interested in getting back together with me. My mom was adamant that since I loved Lisa so much, I should be happy and pick up things where we left off as that is the best for everyone. I have never been so angry and may have said a lot of unkind things to all of them before I left
I am so depressed right now. I not only lost my best friend, but also am not sure how I can move on from what my mom said. My mom and sister raised me and that is the reason where I am today. However, I cannot get over how racist they are being and how they were just pretending to like Yang all these years while actively working on breaking us up. I have been so shocked that I have not told any of this to Yang so far. I might wait for her to come back next week and talk to her in person.
Again, thanks everyone for all your messages on the last post as they helped me a lot to think through the situation. My life is more fucked up than I could imagine, and I cannot imagine how dejected Yang will feel after hearing all this.
*****New Update Post: May 7, 2024 (5 weeks after OG post)****\*
I wrote a post two months ago regarding my best friend Jess constantly bringing up my ex when talking to my fiancée Yang. I wrote an update two weeks ago about my mom, sister and Jess scheming about trying to get me back with my ex Lisa because they were uncomfortable with Yang being Chinese. They tried to do it when my fiancée was visiting her parents and I felt so betrayed by their actions.
As I said in the previous post, I blew up on my mom and sister about what they said and immediately left. I did not take calls from them or answer texts for the next several days. Their messages initially were anger towards me on why I left before they could finish what they wanted to say. However, I think they realized on day 3 that they might have crossed the line this time and became extremely apologetic. I finally messaged them to leave me alone and not to contact Yang or I until we contact them. Jess did not message me the whole time.
I did not tell Yang about the situation until she came back home 9 days ago. I initially did not know how to bring up the subject, but she sensed something was wrong and asked me about it. I was so worried about hurting her, but I told her about what happened. I was upfront about the stunt Jess pulled and she was angry at Jess. I also told her about my visit to my mother's place, but she did not react with any anger. She just asked me if I was ok.
The next few days were confusing where I was more upset than Yang. She was just excited showing me all pictures and telling me stories. Finally, on last Thursday evening, she opened up and asked me if I was ok about my mom's behavior and what I plan to do. I told her my thoughts and how I cannot forgive them for what they said about her being Asian and them wanting me to marry a Lisa because she was white. I asked her why she was not more upset as it was bothering me.
She told me that when she told her parents about me, they had the exact same reaction for her dating someone who was not Chinese. Her family is very traditional, and her parents were very upset about her decision. It took them a few months to warm up to me and accept me. She never told me about this because she wanted me to have good relationship with her parents. She told me that now they are the most excited doing arrangements for our wedding.
She told me that she has always felt something was off when she talked to my mom, my sister or Jess and they did not like her. My mom and sister would be very friendly with her in front of me, but never invited her for anything when I am not around. She suspected that it may be due to fact that she is not white and does not understand the American traditions. She said she is not upset with them and now that this is in the open, she should talk to them and assure them that she would be as good of a wife as Lisa or any other girl. She said that she does not want to break a family in order to start a new one.
Despite my protests, Yang invited my mom and sister for lunch on Sunday. She said that it would be good for us to talk about everything and hear why they are concerned about her marrying me. I was really not happy with this, but Yang spent most of Sunday morning cooking for them.
When my mom and sister arrived, there were a lot of waterworks and apologies. My mom apologized to Yang and me for her behavior and told us that she would never bring it up again. My sister also was quiet and had tears in her eyes. There were a lot of blame games. My mom and my sister were blaming Jess for constantly telling them how Yang might not be great for me and how she won't fit into our family. My mom and sister fought with Jess after I left and Jess blamed Lisa. Based on Jess's story, Lisa has been depressed for the last few years and when I suddenly got engaged to Yang, it became worse. Jess thought I was also depressed after Lisa left me, because I did not date anyone for 3 years. In reality, I just wanted to focus on my work and studies and never had time. So, Lisa convinced Jess that she has to get back together with me as that is what I wanted too. Jess said how sorry she felt for Lisa as she was her longtime friend and listened to her plan as she thought it was good for everyone.
My mom and sister told us that I should stay away from Jess because she orchestrated the whole situation. They kept on hugging Yang and apologizing to her. Yang in turn also started crying and telling them that she will do better to fit in with them. It was all a big mess. I am still skeptical of my mom's change in heart, but I also want to see Yang happy. However, I think it will take a lot of time and healing before I could truly trust my mom and sister.
Currently, my mom invited us to lunch at her place next week and told me that Jess will not be there. Jess has still not message me or Yang. I really don't know what I can do in this situation. I am still upset and furious at my mom, but I also want to respect Yang's effort to keep the family together. Thanks to everyone for all the messages and supportive comments. It really helped reading them when I was feeling very sad.
2024.05.14 07:30 kl0wn_gutz My boyfriend is really annoying.
We've been dating for a little over a year and a half, and despite a lot of the things he does that really get on my nerves, I still love him more than anything and I want to get married to him someday. Please take everything I'm about to say with a grain of salt and don't come at my throat, there's just a lot of things that unnecessarily piss me off and my boyfriend does a lot of them.
We're both on the autism spectrum, but on vastly different sides of it. I'm more quiet and reclusive and I tend to keep my interests to myself unless someone else likes it mutually. I'll only really ramble about something if someone's curious and wants me to talk about it, but otherwise I understand that most people don't want to just be bombarded with information. My boyfriend, on the other hand, will literally spam my DMs at times with tangents about the Fortnite lore or some technological stuff that I don't understand. I'm fine with him rambling about his interests, but it's really overwhelming when it's just a massive wall of text and I'm not involved with the conversation whatsoever, just trying to awkwardly take in this information. He'll also do this thing where he'll poke me multiple times and ask if I've read through it. He'll do the same thing with songs, where he'll send me the link to a song, and then ask me if I've listened to it a few minutes later. It feels really demanding of my attention, especially if he sees that I'm currently doing something; like playing a game or drawing.
Recently, we've both been watching through MLP:FiM because he's never gotten into it while it was really popular back in the 2010s. He'll just repeat "I love [insert character]" several times even though I'm already well aware that it's his favorite character. I don't know why, but hearing someone repeating the same thing over and over again really, really irritates me. I know it's probably just an instance where he gets really attached and doesn't know what else to say, but he says it for a lot of things. Also, sometimes he says something like "wow, this episode is really great" and if I don't say something in the next few seconds, he'll follow it up with "isn't it?" and force me to respond even if I'm just trying to watch and focus on the show or I'm nonverbal. I don't understand why he wants me to acknowledge him stating that what we're currently watching is great if we're clearly both interested it, and demands my constant attention. It's like this for everything we're watching together, and I just wish he'd be quiet and watch the damn video a lot of the time instead of just saying baseless shit that's obvious.
I visited him during Christmas of 2023 and he got this Breaking Bad lego set from his dad. We wanted to build it together, but I ended up building nearly the entire thing, because he'd get frustrated so easily and give up after a few minutes. He just slept for an entire evening while I worked on it, and he kept falling asleep every time I woke him up and asked him if he could help me with it because I just wanted to do something fun with him. That was literally our entire vacation, just sitting around and doing nothing. He doesn't have a car, nor a license, and his mom was working most of the time. She drove us around to some places, like a dispensary and took us out to dinner, but I didn't want her to feel like I was taking advantage of her and asking her to take us places, and buying an uber is expensive, so we were just stuck holed up at his house. He slept for most of the day on new year's eve and I at least wanted to sit outside with him and watch some fireworks, watch the ball drop, anything. I had to wake him up 10 minutes before midnight and he literally just didn't care at all. He fell back asleep after midnight and I just felt so empty and unfulfilled after that. He doesn't like going out into public, and he hardly ever has before in his whole life, so he just sits around doing nothing all day and never wants to go out and do anything fun. Ever. Not even a walk or anything.
He has a couple of food allergies, peanuts being the most major one. I understand that a lot of food products can potentially be contaminated due to them being processed in plants that handle nuts, but he uses that as the worst possible crutch. Don't get me wrong, I want him to be safe just as much as he does, but it's getting to the point where I feel like I'm dating a toddler. He gets ultra paranoid that literally everything is contaminated with peanuts. I don't have any food allergies so I know I'll never understand how that is for him or the fear he has, but it really feels like he's using that as an excuse most of the time. He literally just eats the same 5 things. Pizza, grilled cheese, fries, dry cereal, chicken nuggets. He doesn't even bother trying new things, even if I think he'll like them, and we've quadruple checked to see if it's safe for him to eat. Now, I understand a lot of people on the autism spectrum have same/safe foods, as do I, but I got so tired of eating pizza for 3 days in a row after seeing him. If I wanted something else, I had to get it door dashed and spend extra money that I really didn't want to be spending. I really don't want to be forced to accommodate to eating those same 5 things, or to spend extra money on groceries getting stuff only he likes. I told him that I'm going to get him to try new things once we start living together, and he said that's understandable, but I already know it's going to be a fucking hassle.
A lot of his friends are assholes, especially one of his best friends who I absolutely despise. He's incredibly active in the Fortnite community and is friends with someone on twitter that has a huge following due to the fact that he posts a lot of information regarding the game and it's events. I've tried being cordial with this friend of his several times, reaching out and trying to say hi to him, just to be met with silence. He openly called me weird to my boyfriend due to the fact that I'm interested in horror related things, and he just nonchalantly told me that as if it wouldn't seriously hurt my feelings. Eventually I just gave up even trying to befriend him and told my boyfriend that I don't like him, but he'll continue to bring him up to me and it really gets on my nerves when he does, because who likes hearing about someone they don't like due to the fact that you were treated unfairly by them? He's also had multiple falling outs with this friend, where he's said and done a lot of hurtful shit, but my boyfriend keeps crawling back to him instead of just finding a better person to call his best friend.
He's extremely clingy and overly anxious. Like, dog with separation anxiety clingy. One day I left to take out the trash around my house for 15 minutes and I got back to see several messages on Discord, missed calls and texts asking me if I'm okay and if something happened to me. He literally had a full blown panic attack over the fact that I didn't get back at the exact time he would've liked. He's done this so many fucking times, I've lost count. Calling me and freaking out while I'm at work because I stayed for an extra hour. Blowing up our messages because I stopped responding to him for a little while. He gets so worked up over nothing and jumps to the worst possible conclusion, as if I died a horrific death just for being unresponsive for a little while. There was this one time his mom went out to an antique mall with his grandma, and I had to comfort him while he went into hysterics because she wasn't answering her phone after being gone for 2 hours. I kept trying to tell him that she's very likely fine and lost track of time, but he kept going on these tangents about how he doesn't know what to do without her and she's probably dead from a car accident. He gets a call from her about 30 minutes into his episode and she says that there was just no reception in the mall, and he was so embarrassed about the whole fiasco afterward. Like, yeah babe, maybe if you didn't get it into your head that your mom is dead just because she was gone longer than she said, you wouldn't have freaked out. I get it to an extent because I also have really bad anxiety, but he creates these false scenarios in his head and then immediately believes it's true. He's on meds but they don't seem to curve his anxiety at all. I've suggested he should probably find a better prescription, but never does. Every time he freaks out like this, he apologizes over and over again for it, and I forgive him every time, but he never wants to work on trying to find self soothing methods or talking himself down from something.
On the same topic of him being clingy, it's really hard for me to get any sort of alone time a lot. He messages me so much, even when I've asked him to please give me some space, he will leave me alone for a little while and then just continue to message me. He gets extremely needy if I've played a game or have been drawing for longer than he would like me to. He got mad at me once for not responding to him when he said he was going to bed while I was playing a game I was unable to pause, 2 weeks after I saw him during Christmas and he was all over me during that time. Now, every time I play a game, I get anxious about playing it for too long, otherwise he's going to be up my ass.
Before any of you ask, yes, I have talked to him about all of these things. We have a very healthy relationship and rely on communication, so our relationship isn't strained or anything. He'll just say he'll "try to be more aware" and will continue to do it the next day, so a lot of these habits are hardwired in his brain. I'm probably just going to have to continue reminding him about these things, because I feel bad about a lot of this stuff irritating me. He's really sweet and the best partner I've ever had, but god he really acts like a needy puppy at times. I'm sure there's things I do that he doesn't like either, a lot of relationships are like that. I'll either learn to live with these habits, despite my discretion, or he'll learn to break them. Either way, I just needed to get all of that off my chest.
submitted by kl0wn_gutz to confessions [link] [comments]
We're both on the autism spectrum, but on vastly different sides of it. I'm more quiet and reclusive and I tend to keep my interests to myself unless someone else likes it mutually. I'll only really ramble about something if someone's curious and wants me to talk about it, but otherwise I understand that most people don't want to just be bombarded with information. My boyfriend, on the other hand, will literally spam my DMs at times with tangents about the Fortnite lore or some technological stuff that I don't understand. I'm fine with him rambling about his interests, but it's really overwhelming when it's just a massive wall of text and I'm not involved with the conversation whatsoever, just trying to awkwardly take in this information. He'll also do this thing where he'll poke me multiple times and ask if I've read through it. He'll do the same thing with songs, where he'll send me the link to a song, and then ask me if I've listened to it a few minutes later. It feels really demanding of my attention, especially if he sees that I'm currently doing something; like playing a game or drawing.
Recently, we've both been watching through MLP:FiM because he's never gotten into it while it was really popular back in the 2010s. He'll just repeat "I love [insert character]" several times even though I'm already well aware that it's his favorite character. I don't know why, but hearing someone repeating the same thing over and over again really, really irritates me. I know it's probably just an instance where he gets really attached and doesn't know what else to say, but he says it for a lot of things. Also, sometimes he says something like "wow, this episode is really great" and if I don't say something in the next few seconds, he'll follow it up with "isn't it?" and force me to respond even if I'm just trying to watch and focus on the show or I'm nonverbal. I don't understand why he wants me to acknowledge him stating that what we're currently watching is great if we're clearly both interested it, and demands my constant attention. It's like this for everything we're watching together, and I just wish he'd be quiet and watch the damn video a lot of the time instead of just saying baseless shit that's obvious.
I visited him during Christmas of 2023 and he got this Breaking Bad lego set from his dad. We wanted to build it together, but I ended up building nearly the entire thing, because he'd get frustrated so easily and give up after a few minutes. He just slept for an entire evening while I worked on it, and he kept falling asleep every time I woke him up and asked him if he could help me with it because I just wanted to do something fun with him. That was literally our entire vacation, just sitting around and doing nothing. He doesn't have a car, nor a license, and his mom was working most of the time. She drove us around to some places, like a dispensary and took us out to dinner, but I didn't want her to feel like I was taking advantage of her and asking her to take us places, and buying an uber is expensive, so we were just stuck holed up at his house. He slept for most of the day on new year's eve and I at least wanted to sit outside with him and watch some fireworks, watch the ball drop, anything. I had to wake him up 10 minutes before midnight and he literally just didn't care at all. He fell back asleep after midnight and I just felt so empty and unfulfilled after that. He doesn't like going out into public, and he hardly ever has before in his whole life, so he just sits around doing nothing all day and never wants to go out and do anything fun. Ever. Not even a walk or anything.
He has a couple of food allergies, peanuts being the most major one. I understand that a lot of food products can potentially be contaminated due to them being processed in plants that handle nuts, but he uses that as the worst possible crutch. Don't get me wrong, I want him to be safe just as much as he does, but it's getting to the point where I feel like I'm dating a toddler. He gets ultra paranoid that literally everything is contaminated with peanuts. I don't have any food allergies so I know I'll never understand how that is for him or the fear he has, but it really feels like he's using that as an excuse most of the time. He literally just eats the same 5 things. Pizza, grilled cheese, fries, dry cereal, chicken nuggets. He doesn't even bother trying new things, even if I think he'll like them, and we've quadruple checked to see if it's safe for him to eat. Now, I understand a lot of people on the autism spectrum have same/safe foods, as do I, but I got so tired of eating pizza for 3 days in a row after seeing him. If I wanted something else, I had to get it door dashed and spend extra money that I really didn't want to be spending. I really don't want to be forced to accommodate to eating those same 5 things, or to spend extra money on groceries getting stuff only he likes. I told him that I'm going to get him to try new things once we start living together, and he said that's understandable, but I already know it's going to be a fucking hassle.
A lot of his friends are assholes, especially one of his best friends who I absolutely despise. He's incredibly active in the Fortnite community and is friends with someone on twitter that has a huge following due to the fact that he posts a lot of information regarding the game and it's events. I've tried being cordial with this friend of his several times, reaching out and trying to say hi to him, just to be met with silence. He openly called me weird to my boyfriend due to the fact that I'm interested in horror related things, and he just nonchalantly told me that as if it wouldn't seriously hurt my feelings. Eventually I just gave up even trying to befriend him and told my boyfriend that I don't like him, but he'll continue to bring him up to me and it really gets on my nerves when he does, because who likes hearing about someone they don't like due to the fact that you were treated unfairly by them? He's also had multiple falling outs with this friend, where he's said and done a lot of hurtful shit, but my boyfriend keeps crawling back to him instead of just finding a better person to call his best friend.
He's extremely clingy and overly anxious. Like, dog with separation anxiety clingy. One day I left to take out the trash around my house for 15 minutes and I got back to see several messages on Discord, missed calls and texts asking me if I'm okay and if something happened to me. He literally had a full blown panic attack over the fact that I didn't get back at the exact time he would've liked. He's done this so many fucking times, I've lost count. Calling me and freaking out while I'm at work because I stayed for an extra hour. Blowing up our messages because I stopped responding to him for a little while. He gets so worked up over nothing and jumps to the worst possible conclusion, as if I died a horrific death just for being unresponsive for a little while. There was this one time his mom went out to an antique mall with his grandma, and I had to comfort him while he went into hysterics because she wasn't answering her phone after being gone for 2 hours. I kept trying to tell him that she's very likely fine and lost track of time, but he kept going on these tangents about how he doesn't know what to do without her and she's probably dead from a car accident. He gets a call from her about 30 minutes into his episode and she says that there was just no reception in the mall, and he was so embarrassed about the whole fiasco afterward. Like, yeah babe, maybe if you didn't get it into your head that your mom is dead just because she was gone longer than she said, you wouldn't have freaked out. I get it to an extent because I also have really bad anxiety, but he creates these false scenarios in his head and then immediately believes it's true. He's on meds but they don't seem to curve his anxiety at all. I've suggested he should probably find a better prescription, but never does. Every time he freaks out like this, he apologizes over and over again for it, and I forgive him every time, but he never wants to work on trying to find self soothing methods or talking himself down from something.
On the same topic of him being clingy, it's really hard for me to get any sort of alone time a lot. He messages me so much, even when I've asked him to please give me some space, he will leave me alone for a little while and then just continue to message me. He gets extremely needy if I've played a game or have been drawing for longer than he would like me to. He got mad at me once for not responding to him when he said he was going to bed while I was playing a game I was unable to pause, 2 weeks after I saw him during Christmas and he was all over me during that time. Now, every time I play a game, I get anxious about playing it for too long, otherwise he's going to be up my ass.
Before any of you ask, yes, I have talked to him about all of these things. We have a very healthy relationship and rely on communication, so our relationship isn't strained or anything. He'll just say he'll "try to be more aware" and will continue to do it the next day, so a lot of these habits are hardwired in his brain. I'm probably just going to have to continue reminding him about these things, because I feel bad about a lot of this stuff irritating me. He's really sweet and the best partner I've ever had, but god he really acts like a needy puppy at times. I'm sure there's things I do that he doesn't like either, a lot of relationships are like that. I'll either learn to live with these habits, despite my discretion, or he'll learn to break them. Either way, I just needed to get all of that off my chest.