Looking for a (weird?) wife, and I’m not sure if I’m supposed to have multiple wives or not I am saying this for your due consideration.
I have dark hair white skin, am underweight 5’6 with acne scars
NSFW questions in DMs bc Idk if its allowed to talk about on this sub. details in DMs for this reason unless i get confirmation that it's ok.
I have autism, OCD, ADHD, synesthesia and others (all self diganosed but i have obvious things idk if i should get into that)
I don’t mind piercings, I enjoy them, but someone is not more or less attractive for not having them. I don’t like gauges and some of those extreme circles and cuts. I don’t have any body modifications nor had planned to make any.
I don’t mind tattoos at any place either besides health concerns n I doint have any either.
I don’t like when ppl have big round lumps of flesh that stick out, I do mean big, small/medium maybe ok or even attractive
Need to find her attractive without make up – yes I do mean without make up and there are women who I find attractive without and I do mean without make up of any age. I don’t think I care if she wears make up or not, but I have concerns it’s toxic and the other one if I turn out to be hypersensitive or irritated by it because I am autistic.
I don’t care about race or ethnicity or nationality or anything or location.
I don’t mind how she decides to cut or dye her hair, besides that im concerned about toxins and damage, but I am not imposing on her.
I like appreciate and enjoy alternative fashion (and before it was cool), ive also liked fashion that some alt people have called “too basic" (which may partially be their own insecurity), i just like what looks good. There is fashion I find too basic and kind of anti fashion in that sense too maybe bc I feel like is what people who don’t want to be judged for being anything thats not basic would wear. I don’t like it when people are mean to others based on what they wear or other pointless hierarchical stuff like that.
I don’t recall ever saying “cover up” (regarding clothing), especially wouldnt say it in an imposing way I don’t like to talk in impositions that kill a person’s invidivuality or there’s smth like you know that feels like it kills you when someone commands you. I don’t like to impose on people in that way.
If she cheats, Im not gonna attack, physically emeotionally or otherwise abuse , im not looking to hurt someone I love (besides BDSM and that stuff you know). Men have been allowed to have many wives but wives only 1 husband. I didn’t become christian bc I wanted to opress or restrict women but I believe bad things happen when you sin.
Is reflective and tries to not mistreat others
body count? Isn’t it irrelevant if she’s the right one, I never cared if she’d be a virgin until I understood more about christianity and the spirit world.
I need to be properly emotionally supported, and I want and hope to be good in her life too. I can also have irrational emotions where ik now something is not so but I am procsesing those emotions a certain way you know.
I am interested in very dark and mature topics and things, even if there are times where I may not be able to handle them properly.
Ive been interested in esoterics, occult and c0n5p1r4c135 and I do believe the c0n5p1r4c135 are real and this is important to me.
I don’t care if she talks to others to men or has male friends, idk if I even carei if she’s flirting, there’s no intention to cheat so why would I care??
I can flirt with others too but I haven’t done it much out of concern of leading them on + it doesn’t by itself have any intentions to do anything further. i can be possessive but it will be in the cute way and it can be fun to tease or be teased like that maybe idk but i dont want ot be abusive posessive.
i have female friends she can have male friends that doesn't mean anything and i find the discussions regarding that ridiculous, maybe very low vibrational or of low conscience. i havent done anything with any of them ever except with 1 who is kinda like a relationship but there's painful and difficult topic and even then not physically tho we never met physically.
If its God’s will for her to be with me and she messes up then I will just forgive her. I don’t care to check her phone besides out of curiosity, I think all those games are very below me and maybe obviously should be below anyone who claims to be in a christian marriage, granted im careful regarding eating my words.
I have to eat mostly carnivore diet with vegetables, some fruits and carbs sometimes for my health, but I have nothing against vegans if they are actaully healthy, also I know a lot of ppl can not be healthy on a vegan diet based on long story also some even on the carnivore maybe, im open to sharing details at some point but maybe not worth it here.
ethically wild, I can handle dark humor, I have enjoyed it and used it a lot myself, im not legalistic christian (if you know what that is) but im still trying to be right than wrong so I want discernment on the issue and how to handle it, if smth is actually wrong then I will try to just not do it.
I don’t care if she shaves or not.
I don’t like it when ppl make the same kind of jokes or have the same locked in interests that don’t evolve or aren’t inherently somehow stimulating and genuine. For example ofc I understand enjoying the same food or listening to the same music (except ofc that can get old at some point). I understand what feels samey to a person can vary between people and across time, but I don’t think I mean that. If a bunch of ppl make the same kind of jokes and turn it into something hierarchical and baisc, like they think everything else is dumb cuz theyh aren’t open to perspectives, ideas, growth and improvement hence they fixate on doing the same thing thats too bland over and over.
A lot of ppl have very juvenile if thats even the right word mentality to look down on others for vapid reasons including interests, when you don’t even understand them. while ive had those intrusions I figured its wrong and foolish to just give into such a lowly hostile urge, whilst I understand being overwhelmed and misreacting/just getting mad at smth for no raeson but u can figure out u shouldn’t be mad or its not that deep.
Ive looked donw on ppl for thing I saw as them being lowly about it like getting high off of the same joke instead of improving ur brain cuz I think u can even feel like when u are stupidifying urself and ingoring improvements just to do the same thing over and over again, like u can prolly feel like smth inside telling u maybe u should look elsewhere now or this could be betteur losing cognition bc ur stupidifying urself. I understand again being overwhelmed and looking for some stability but I don’t think that susually it. Al ot of those ppl may be doing the same stupid things to be liked by others and t hus disingenuous to their real self, bc as soon as u start growing improving going in different directions ppl start getting weirded out and ostracizing u. I look down on that.
I don’t need her to shave. Idk if I wont find some body hair too extreme, but so far I haven’t
! respect boundaries. If one of us doesn’t want something or anyhthing at all be it months or years even that should be respected. This is for love first not exploitation. Not any exploitation from either side and look for each other’s well being.
I want to have her walk around the place flashing me, trying to tease me and show off her body in various and subtle ways. She can be naked too if she wants or wear anything she wants
I think how someone moves can be very attractive and also developed, this goes for me too
I want to learn to dance so we can have fun and I can arouse her
I think women have qualities and do things in a way I value, enjoy and admire
I think men and women have different patterns in positive and negative ways (with individual differences of course too) and analysing them and acknowledging them with honest attempt to understand is not wrong, while exploitation abuse and denial is wrong.
if im smarter than her I recognize she can have important and valuable things to say, similarly if she’s smarter than me she also doesn’t know everything and isn’t abusive about it
about money, I have wanted money to help myself and others, not out of greed I think.
I have thought of if I need or have to or if its better to to live in the right kind of community. Takes a village to raise a child but maybe even to function, maybe the people who function not in it are the abnormal ones. I don’t think of a cold community or one that forces warmth and makes you sick, there’s a kind of higher understanding or spirituality.
I don’t mind if she’s richer smarter or more competent than me. I however want to be richer smarter and more competent regarding improving myself and growing, not to feel less insecure than her, and of course I want those things so ican be able to support her and others too anyway.
I don’t mind if she’s a girlboss or not or whatever I think its irrelevant and If she has gifts and drive and doing God’s will why would that be bad? Of course I don’t want her to be stressed out
I don’t wear deodorant or fake odors, maybe if they were natural or non toxic. I also don’t like perfume and would prolly prefer if she doesn’t use it but idk.
I think children are a very serious matter, over time in my life I was thinking about how I’d do things differently and how I’d treat children and communicate and teach them, and I’d feel like I’d see how other ppl are failing children and also children are not attempting to learn how to treat their future children or other children or ppl better like it’s weird but I think someone is going to get what I mean. Bc of my physical and mental issues I am concerned how well I wil lbe able to take care of children of course I hope to improve and God to heal me.
I don’t want my weird movements adjustments or whatever to be judged.
I don’t mind pets or maybe even can enjoy them but again am a bit concerned about my health issues. I don’t have allergies to animals that I know of. I don’t like making their health worse I don’t like selective breeding for that reason unless you’re selecting for improving health maybe.
I am usually not afraid of bugs but I don’t like killing them. If its pests like bed bugs or some kind of infestation it can make sense, but I don’t like killing random harmless spiders or others. Maybe if harmful even I’d prefer to take them away. No im not afraid of bees or wasps esp if they are alone or very small numbers, tho I may prefer to not be around a hive.
emotionally sophisticated and doesn’t criticize my whining, while my whining isn’t attempting to get her attention, pull or control her. If I need some sort of emotional support I can ask and if she is able to provide it then she is, and if she has to prioritize something else I understand and I mean I genuinely understand. Emotional support should be mutual and not leeching. I understand it may not be completely equal or if its not possible to be, but we should both care as much as we can in our respective situations.
needs to care about her health, I don’t mean exercise and exercises can be damaging and forced too, thus again neesd to care to even know of that/unless she’s managing to be really fine anyway. I am not against smokers or alcoholics, but I’d prefer it if she stops. I want her to be happy and healthy.
If she’s over or underweight bc of health issues I understand
I don’t drive part related to health issues and concern it may be too dangerous for me to drive.
God first. I don’t believe anything works without him.
I won’t k1ll her if she cheats nor 4bus3 her. I am saying bc I thought some men hide things and reveal them after they are deep. I don’t want ot be like that.
Ive had emotional and rage issues about perceived injustices (towards me and others, even when im not lcose to them or don’t know them. I have thought and speculated maybe I care more with strong emotions about ppl that I’ve never met or are very far away than most people directly that I have observed and felt out of place for it.) and I know sometimes I wasn’t actually right other times I wanted to know what is the right thing to do say and experss cuz I had thoughts like if I hurt them they wont get better, they may even get worse, I don’t even enjoy hurting ppl especially in the brain or if its smth permanent (even if I believe God can heal, ive even had angry thoughts ofc like if He can heal why don’t I beat these wrong doers up cuz they have no qualms about doing it to others unfairly He can just heal them, I also thought if I had the right words and perception I could lead them away from their wicked ways) , and sometimes I wasn’t able to, ive physically hurt people out of being pushed too much and rage and with that I think I have let people off and not confronted them a lot in part bc I wasnt sure if I was even right to confront them other parts bc ofc of fear they will mistreat me if I reveal I think what they did or said was wrong instead of discussing it and thinking about it/ they already expressed they didn’t care or justified it in twisted ways that im not sure I could argue with or if thats even human.
I have to live and I think everyone in a spacious place. Too narrow will cause muscle issues and variety of issues that will worsen over time you are not sick becaues you are old you are sick because you ignroe and distort your body. I didn’t last long at all, some ppl last longer than me just to make excuses that im lazy + their brain melts and they don’t use it much anyway so superficially they last.
Im anti v4xx I think a lot of health info is a scam and ive experienced it and saw others experience it, I think some things can be true or not have better ways at a moment to deal with some issues but it doesn’t mean its not inherently flawed or manipulated information to make u a lil bit less sick or make u sick in a different veiled way even if it makes it “better” in some kind of way, I don’t mean its ok to let someone die or suffer more bc of too much skepticism, my point is I believe in honesty and integirty cuz u cant heal soemone with lies,
and medicine like other sciences is corrupted . be careful and discerning unfortunately u cant leave ur health in the hands of conventional doctors u have to research and fight for urself.
I have experienced various synchonicities. I think God has helped me and guided me.
Throw things away and tidy when we’re ready to. Tired or health issues is not the same as lazy. No tartorship or tyranny about it. Im not growing black mold either ofc
if a woman gets SA’d, and she doesn’t want to tell exactly what happenned, but she wants help, is it right for her to be upset at you and hide information, provided you live in the 20^th century without internet and much media information, and if you don’t have personal experiences with SA or almost anyone has ever talked about it to you in your life, and you are just confused at why this person is refusing to communicate, and u have to take care of this and that issue, yet u don’t know if they are mad at u even for something that’s not even your fault or related to you if that happens a lot, then then u pressure her too much and now she’s hurt, you didn’t even think to make the situation accessible bc u’ve never even heard about that. If someone has an issue and they don’t tell your previous experiences and imagination so far suggest that they have stolen smth or messed up smth and don’t want to talk out of selfishness, not even bc they are scared of you.
I think I have went through humiliation, and doing things I didn’t want to, and failure to do what I wanted and weakness, to the point of not being able to process things and I think losing braincells and personality bc of it, trying to recover it and my functioning and health. I think most ppl are too fake and superficial, not learning anything maybe. Not reflecting, not trying, if they have gone throuhg something like that I think some people amy be just letting themselves go insane and hurt others while in denial instead of processing it, while I understad how difficult is to process it especially when people around you shame you and oppress you for it. I think I need someone who has at least the cognitive understanding for that. I don’t want to put others down for enjoying things.
Ive liked variety of media and art over time, vareity of criticising it and ideas of improving it too, and lately after understanding more about the world and Jesus Christ some of it was interestingly seen in different light. Also over the years I may have seen media nad the world in different light. I have synesthesia autism, adhd and maybe some form of OCD, besides maybe others. I’ve beebn able to induce things in my mind and some information that seemed so obvious to me others had said they realized from psychedelics, you have probably already heard some people’s minds can work like that too. Well some of the media is ofc immature since it doesn’t align with christian principels that seem true after trying to understand more and and a lot of the media is for brainwashing
ive wanted to do art music dancing and others but have struggled with health issues that I hope to resolve. If she wants to do any I am generally worried about toxicity from paint so I wouldn’t use it and wouldn’t recommend using it.
Semi ex astrologer. Bc im not sure if its all considered divination since I’ve had synchonicities related to it that I’ve felt like or wondered if God sent them to me. I do think He communicates with us somehow in various ways.
I think its importan tto be able to explain to a child why something is or isnt a certain way, bc I felt alienated from a lot of christians who just seemed to “know” things and judge things as evil or whatever with no explanation and cringe when I ask for one. I als orealize it can be hard to talk about, both bc of the content, how traumatising can be to think about again and again from an adult’s perspective + being too busy or struggle too much, not able to expalin anyinthg and everything one thinks.
I have health issues that can make it hard to think or process emotions bc of maladjustment in my cranial bones related to the whole body and pinched nerves and wiring issues, that I hope to resolve , and may need miracle healing for some of the damage, this is also why i write this way in the state i am its difficult and straining to write and use the exact corrects words and format everything in perfect order
I don’t want to hold her back from God in any way.
I sought for spiritual answers if spirituality was real until I started figuring out more and then about witchcraft, but I observed patterns in my life regarding a sin I was commiting and other reasons that made me think that it can’t be a coincidence any more + someone claiming he stopped m4g1c p0rt4l by saying “Christ is King” (but I will say Jesus Christ) and that the bible was telling the truth. The bible had upset me before in part due to things taken out of context and difficulty understanding, and of course Jesus does things a bit differently than the old testament, even if the law is still important, He teaches forgiveness.
I care a lot about the gifts of the spirit and the presence of God in my life but also in everyone else’s.
I think awareness or pcoessing of emotional nuance and self control are attractive as well as being free spirited but not exploitative
I don’t smoke or drink or do drugs I don’t even take medicine nor intend to for the most part, I don’t judge anyone who does but I’d discourage them. If my wife does I’d discourage her, I wont pester her about it unless I get discernment that I should and that it will be helpful, but I won’t judge her and I never judged anyone who did, except when they were hypocrites. I have never ingested more than a small cup iirc, if even that from alcohol and only on occassions, and then barely on any occassions. I have never smoked a cig or a joint or anything besides 2^nd hand air. I stopped taking medication for illnesses years ago and I only took sweet drugs as a child bc they were sweet after being told not to.
I have however engaged in various parts and ways of PMO for various reasons
I think everything we have is given to us by God, or if we eorked for it opportunities or what was needed to achieve it was also given, so no one can be proud.
I have done weird things for health, personal amusement and other reasons includingi finding people who may relate and enjoy them but have been accused of attention seeking and I find that deeply repulsive because im sorry for trying to find people to connect with? I didn’t push things that others arent intersted in on them, I was jst trying to exist, some ppl don’t make the difference bc they have a really small world and don’t even think about others much and why they do what they do thus make the wrong assumtpions and attempt to harass and antagonize you. I find that very repulsive simultaneously ive known what other people’s intentions and results of actions and thoughts would be, and they would be confused and hostile towards me for acting like I know them, but I DID. And what I thought would happen happenned so I was just used and hurt and bc they are soo deep in to their own mess they don’t realize what they are doing wrong and a lot of the time don’t even remember that I said what would happen. Ive spent too much time and effort on ppl hoping they would change. I am not looking to be used up by a partner nonetheless. I don’t pretend to know everyhting or be perfecct but I think some ppl are so lost, esp after ive been also judged for my mistakes and not explained like I deserve respect so many times.
Narcissist abuse mention below line warning. Hoenstly you shouldn’te ven read it because I am concerned it may just upset you. I am posting it because I think its important to show that I am aware. Specifiaclly mentions narcissistic “whatever” podcast men who project it on the women.
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Ive had a habit over the years of engaging with media that infuriates me bc I overthink how to react in those situations bc I don’t understand how that in front of me can be a human being with a brain who cares about others and if I showed distress or anger I’d be judged and harassed for it again, despite them being harassers and controllers I nthe first place, and I am afraid of forgetting about it and walking into such situation and being unable to control it. For example the “whatever” podcast the narcissist men were saying in an imposing way how a woman only thinks for herslf bc she wanted to be aborted bc her mother didn’t have neough money to raise her. Obviously u need money to raise someone properly for various reasons, and if he himself odenst understand that a lot of ppl like that are controlling demanding and imposing, while bitter about the sacrifices their toxic environmetns forced them to make (or they made out of their own inferiority hopelessness and lack of faith) or weere actually spoiled, but bc of that they imposed themselves on other people bc I know such ppl and how they grow up and how they treat other children, and are “thankful for being alive”, but obviously don’t have enough empathy for someone who is emotionally intelligent and has struggled to not be exactly like them, bnc those ppl also harass and abuse minorities and vulnerable groups and I have storie about that dotn wanna get into, and they pretend they don’t know what im saying when I do. No I shouldn’t have to remember everything u did and ddi wrong with ur life to expali nto you how you are mistreating me and beg for you to stop. This is a narcissist. I don’t like abortion after understanding that it’s actually alive very early own and has a soul already I think or smth, but before I didn’t know that when I was more justifying it, but I can explain to someone, instead of abusing them into making them lose any ounce of respect for themselves, bc growing up in harsh environment can also often invite other people to mistreat you, even if not always the case.
Bc of ppl like that cotnrolling my own life Ive also had a lot of bitterness and thoughts of revenge and this is part realted to my health issues, and there’s evil that I don’t know if ppl do it just bc they don’t understand genuinely, bc its demons or bc they have to be done something actually important for. I knew better as a child than 30 something year old men, and I have all these issues and I am still better, how can they justify it now? So I have wanted discernment regarding what should be done about various issues. No I will not talk to you or bother you with the dark stuff over and over again I even try to avoid it or build self control bc it can make you go insane im just putting it here to show that I am at least aware and thoughtful of that.

My (30M) wife has a friend from childhood who recently moved to our area. I was introduced to the husband (31M). He seemed like a nice guy and we have similar hobbies. We’re both golfers/musicians so I invited him out to play a round of golf which turned into a couple rounds last year.
As I’ve gotten to know him better I’ve realized I don’t really enjoy hanging out with him. When a ball from the group behind us rolled up kind of close to us, he made a big scene about it. On the course he repeatedly made childish, mean comments about the cart girl’s weight. He just seems to complain a lot about everything and anything, and I find it really unpleasant and annoying.
I’ve been consistently declining invites to hang out now for several months but he continuously texts me and leaves me messages even after I decline. If I don’t respond, he asks his wife to ask my wife what I’m doing and to tell me to respond. My wife agrees it’s a bit much and thankfully deflects for me. I’m not sure what the protocol is here and how I can be polite and not hurt the guy’s feelings. His wife has told my wife he talks about me all the time and how much he wants me to like him, which makes me feel bad. What is the proper way to politely “decline” someone who really wants to be friends?
TLDR: I don’t like my wife’s friend’s husband. He continuously asks me to do stuff which I ignore but won’t stop asking.

I need objective advice because I feel the people in my life have rose colored glasses towards me. Backstory - Husband and I have been together since I was 19. Married for 6.5 years with 2 children (boys ages 8 & 6). We had explosive arguments from the get go, but this is something we’ve worked on and gotten significantly better about as a whole. We’ve had sporadic issues with disagreeing about sex (he would get upset if I didn’t want to), household chores, etc., but nothing too out of the ordinary. In May 2022, I was paying alot in childcare vs what I was making, and we decided it would be best for me to work a flexible remote job and go back to school. A week after I quit my full time job, he came home saying his back/legs hurt, and he was going out of work. To this day, the drs have yet to find anything wrong with him despite doing extensive testing/scans/etc. This has created a huge disparity between the amount of work he does, both paid and at home, and what I do. I did not handle the year and half that he was out of work well, as it was a huge shock to me, and I was immediately forced to pick up a large amount of responsibility. I was extremely depressed during this time and there were times that I was very hard on him (he cant do things as simple as folding clothes due to his pain, for reference, and sometimes I would make a nasty remark etc) I finally got a decent paying job that could support us (I had been working two jobs to keep us even remotely afloat once he went out of work) and shortly after, he got a job that paid less but was also less physically demanding than his prior job. Currently, I do drop off and pick up for our kids, 95% of the housework, pay for groceries, health insurance, and give him $800/mo to put towards the remaining bills as he does not give me access to these. I understand that in a marriage, it is through sickness and health, but I am finding it very difficult to continue this way. He has become increasingly hostile towards me in the past 6 mos to a yr, including undermining my parenting, and/or following me around berating me about how horrible/mean/nasty I am anytime he feels I have had an attitude or slighted him in some way. He commonly uses the phrase “You’re ruining our family with your stress”. To be transparent, I do get frustrated and can have an attitude when it comes to household and parenting duties. I am very overwhelmed and alot of the time he perceives me being stressed over the situation as me being upset with him, and he will retaliate in return. He has also insinuated that he is recording our calls/conversations. He has recently gotten in spats with his mom, and some coworkers, so I feel slightly validated in that respect. However, I can’t shake the feeling that I should be a better wife and caretaker, and maybe he would act differently towards me and the situation. So, AITA here?

My husband has an ex wife, and they split custody of their two kids (age 15 and 17). His 15yo son has been misbehaving and spending time with his step-dad over my husband. He wants to kick him out and have him live with mom full-time. I don't agree, but don't know how to talk to him about it. Would I get in legal trouble for being a guardian in this situation if he does get kicked out? Or is it legal since his son has another house to live in?

So, my neighbour, with whom I would like to think I have a fairly friendly and warm acquaintanceship with, who also knows I have two small children, has a pool. I hear the family next door play in it in summer. It's nice!
His wife is an insomniac, apparently. This means she watches TV all hours of the day. VERY loud. I can hear it from my house if I have the windows open, like it's in the next room. But I don't usually have the windows open and the TV sounds remind me of when I used to live with my parents so I don't mind it so much.
But tonight there's a weird fucking pump sound, and my husband says it's a pool pump. If it were a sound in the air I wouldn't mind. I'd put on earphones, blast some white noise, do whatever and get the fuck to sleep.
But this sound? This sound is like the earth itself twitching. It's coming up through the fucking floor. I think I can feel it in my head. I have super sensitive hearing, too. I hate this. I have no words for how much I fucking hate this sound. I am a generally chill, mild-mannered lady. I don't swear at Jehovah's Witnesses. I'm nice to other people's kids and pets. I don't even get mad at people walking slowly in front of me.
This sound makes me want to go the full droog on their pool pump. A bit of the old ultraviolence.
Did I mention I'm already sleep deprived from "that time of the month"? Yeah. I'm not happy.
Is there anything I can do? I looked shit up and apparently I have to log it for two fucking weeks for it to be an offence. Quite frankly, if I had to put up with two weeks of this there'd be a pound or two of my own shit deposited in their pool by the darkness of night well before then. And the cat's too, for good measure.
Problem is, I don't want to do the following:

• Knock on their door in the middle of the night.
• Get mad or make a scene. I like these people, they're nice people.
• Ruin their pool fun. They've never made noise like this before. I'm not sure if it's a new pump or what but holy fuck. This pump makes a hypothetical rave next door sound like ocean noise imbued with binaural beats on a ridiculous expensive sleep app on my phone in comparison.

Any suggestions? I'm gonna try the headphones but I don't have a good feeling about. Also, I'm a side sleeper so there's no way I'm getting a decent night's sleep tonight either way. Ear plugs are out because I'm a light sleeper. The sensation of them in my ears always keeps me awake.
I reckon my neighbour (we'll call him Mick) owes me a nice bottle of wine or a day in his pool for this, cause parenting two children under the age of ten, both of whom have ADHD, on a night of not only little sleep but of aural torture of the low frequency kind, is a special kind of punishment than even the Hague would find pretty over-the-top.
I'm off to find a corner of the house where it's not terrible. I may end up sleeping in a closet. This is a shitbox house in Wanneroo somewhere, so when I say closet, I mean "You could bury exactly one average Texan in a coffin the size of this space" closet. G'night.

I (31f) moved to a house of husband (41m) and wife (42f) with two kids (6f and 13f). I have so many things because basically all my life is here in my room (moving out is hard). Since the beginning, the wife looked very jealous of me. And it is clear that she talked behind my back. It is because I often saw her friends coming to the house resenting me for no reason (and I never saw them ever before in my life). She also once yelled in front of my room and I woke up shock. I thought moving out again would be too much (I am also a person with disability). I tried to befriend her. I helped her flip the family's clothes and often buy her dumplings. I even helped the kids when they cried looking for their parents (sometimes they're away for one or two hours). So yes they get friendlier, when her friends came they now show love to me. She gives me food, bring me to a nearby waterpark with her kids..
But then she got too friendly and ALWAYS came up in the kitchen every time I cook and criticize my cooking skills. She came from South Asia that eats curry everyday and I don't. I cook very simple and it's just my culture and every single day she said things like "euw of course you don't feel like eating, your food is terrible!!"
That doesn't stop because her 6 to kids start to steal my ice cream, sneak into my room over and over and over.. and accuse my of stealing so many things around the house (which clearly I never do). I also notice the neighbout next to me resent me again for no reason while I also never saw her ever in my life as I just moved in. It's like the whole family watching me top to bottom almost throwing punch. And again, I never see them ever, how could they hate me so much? I even never talk to them!! I saw them doing it every time I park my car. And it's extremely uncomfortable. Once I ask the wife and she said "oh they're only jealous by your pretty dresses", oh the dad and the brothers too?
I moved to this house because I caught PTSD and need a peaceful place. I thought of being around family would be the answer so I won't feel so lonely. But then I felt extremely overwhelmed and was super depressed every night I cry very hard. Both the husband and the wife even eavesdropping every single conversation that I have. Including to psychologist, to a GP, to my SO, even when I do any sexual activity. She even often teased me with what she heard from those conversations. I start to feel extraordinarily uncomfortable.
So last couple of days ago I wrote a formal complaint to the husband with a strong covert indication that I will report them to the formal governing body if they keep doing whatever that they want I will report them. I also include points of how they have breached our national law. I also told them I don't want to talk to them at all and please give me an hour for lunch and an hour for dinner to cook every day without her wife in the kitchen. The husband feel so bad and they since haven't talk to me at all. I feel bad because some times they are kind to me (giving me food, invite me to their festival, invite me to waterpark). Do you guys think I'm overreacting? I kept thinking if they sincerely kind people, why would she still tell bad things to our neighbour about me.. after all of my kindness to her?
PS: I am in between jobs ATM. I can't afford to move because if I get a new job, it's likely I will need to move rightaway. And there's no sign yet when will I get the job. It's been months and I'm frustrated.

Need some advice on whether something is “inappropriate” for a married couple to do.
My husband is a professional, licensed massage therapist. It’s his career, and he has part ownership in a salon & spa where he sees his clients. I am friends with his two partners, both women who also work at the salon (one is also a massage therapist, the other an esthetician).
When my husband has a gap in his schedule, he will occasionally let me know and I will drop by the spa to get a massage from him. It’s nice to be worked on by him in his professional “element”, with the table and oils and everything.
Last week I was there getting a 30 minute massage from my husband during an opening in his schedule. One of his partners tapped on the door to ask him a business-related question, and opened the door slightly. I was nude and uncovered - I don’t wear a sheet or anything when my husband massages me, it seems kind of silly to do that. She saw me and said hi, was flustered and immediately apologized. I thought it was no big deal.
After I had left, she came to my husband to apologize again, but also said that she didn’t think it was appropriate for him to massage me nude and uncovered in the spa. My husband pointed out that I am his wife, and it’s not a paying client - and anyway it’s not like a sexual thing. She reiterated that she thought it was inappropriate, and said that if they got “raided” (by the police or something?) it would be difficult to explain.
I understand her surprise and embarrassment and seeing me naked - it was a little embarrassing for me too. But I feel like her request that I cover up when being massaged by my husband is over the top.
Am I wrong here? I feel like the fact that we are married and not having sex in there should matter here.

I worry that I come across controlling, but I Believe I have valid reasons for worry. Am I just overthinking this?
My husband is emotionally avoidant and I'm emotionally secure! Match made in.. well.. lol.
We've been married for 13 yrs and deeply care about each other.
I've noticed that he goes from unhealthy habit to the other instead of processing his emotions. I've noticed it and not said much because everyone's unique. But I want to raise the problem with him because I've noticed he turns to smoking, alcohol or social media when he's struggling with stress etc Rather than try natural ways like connecting with people, or trying mindfulness or calming music etc.,
He gets really defensive if I bring it up or shuts down. I'm really worried and I don't know what to do.
He smokes once a month or so but it's always been around stressful times. He says it's his small joy of life that he uses to switch off and take a break.
He eats unhealthy junk food, tubs of ICE cream etc lol but dismisses that is not stress or emotional eating when I can clearly see that it is.
He drinks 3-4 times a week, he never gets too drunk but it creates issues in our relationship because we can't talk any important matters on these days.
Our life is planned around all of this stuff and I'm just so irritated.
Am I being controlling or am I just a wife that feels trapped and doesn't know how to communicate her issues because the husband doesn't - which triggers my childhood wounds of not being cared for & I feel he doesn't care about me or about us.

My husband is a professional, licensed massage therapist. It’s his career, and he has part ownership in a salon & spa where he sees his clients. I am friends with his two partners, both women who also work at the salon (one is also a massage therapist, the other an esthetician).
When my husband has a gap in his schedule, he will occasionally let me know and I will drop by the spa to get a massage from him. It’s nice to be worked on by him in his professional “element”, with the table and oils and everything.
Last week I was there getting a 30 minute massage from my husband during an opening in his schedule. One of his partners tapped on the door to ask him a business-related question, and opened the door slightly. I was nude and uncovered - I don’t wear a sheet or anything when my husband massages me, it seems kind of silly to do that. She saw me and said hi, was flustered and immediately apologized. I thought it was no big deal.
After I had left, she came to my husband to apologize again, but also said that she didn’t think it was appropriate for him to massage me nude and uncovered in the spa. My husband pointed out that I am his wife, and it’s not a paying client - and anyway it’s not like a sexual thing. (I’m naked, but it’s not like we’re having sex on the table.) She reiterated that she thought it was inappropriate, and said that if they got “raided” (by the police or something?) it would be difficult to explain.
I understand her surprise and embarrassment and seeing me naked - it was a little embarrassing for me too. But I feel like her request that I cover up when being massaged by my husband is over the top.
Am I wrong for getting massaged like this?

My husband is a professional, licensed massage therapist. It’s his career, and he has part ownership in a salon & spa where he sees his clients. I am friends with his two partners, both women who also work at the salon (one is also a massage therapist, the other an esthetician).
When my husband has a gap in his schedule, he will occasionally let me know and I will drop by the spa to get a massage from him. It’s nice to be worked on by him in his professional “element”, with the table and oils and everything.
Last week I was there getting a 30 minute massage from my husband during an opening in his schedule. One of his partners tapped on the door to ask him a business-related question, and opened the door slightly. I was nude and uncovered - I don’t wear a sheet or anything when my husband massages me, it seems kind of silly to do that. She saw me and said hi, was flustered and immediately apologized. I thought it was no big deal.
After I had left, she came to my husband to apologize again, but also said that she didn’t think it was appropriate for him to massage me nude and uncovered in the spa. My husband pointed out that I am his wife, and it’s not a paying client - and anyway it’s not like an erotic thing. (I’m naked but it’s not like we’re having sex on the table.) She reiterated that she thought it was inappropriate, and said that if they got “raided” (by the police or something?) it would be difficult to explain.
I understand her surprise and embarrassment and seeing me naked - it was a little embarrassing for me too. But I feel like her request that I cover up when being massaged by my husband is over the top.
AITAH for getting massaged like this?

I guess I’m not sure where else I can say this and this seems like a safe place. I want to preface this by saying my husband is a great man and great father and great person. We got into a bit of an argument this morning because I feel very leashed. We have two kids (5 and 2) and I am a stay at home mom
I have been having a hard time for a while. A bit of history: we got pregnant unexpectedly when I was 24 and although that doesn’t seem very young I was just starting my career journey and I was very thrown off and so was my husband. I love my kids, I love my husband but I have been feeling so lost. I have always been independent and giving up my job and financial independence was very hard. But when I was young my mom went back to work and kind of left me to my own devices so I was adamant about being with my kids and not putting them in daycare, a decision I am still happy with.
The problem is that I am just constantly being like tethered and leashed to the house, to them, to my husbands work schedule etc. we moved back near family to have some help which has been good but I still feel like I am just constantly trying to have more time to myself and the more I try the less I succeed. Then my husbands friend came to town and he’s like I’m going to the game with him and we’re going to leave at 4 and I just absolutely lost it. I just feel so angry that he can up and go yet I am here like micromanaging every second of every day trying to squeeze in a workout or a cup of coffee and he can just leave. And he really doesn’t do this often but I can never do it and that’s why it bothers me. We went to a concert last week and we didn’t leave until 630 because we were getting the kids down and I didn’t want my mom to have to deal with my 2 year old crying because we haven’t left her often and then we got to the venue late I had to literally eat a salad in five mins. And the week before that I did visit my friends but again I had to wait until 8 o’clock because I needed to get my kids down. Yet he’s just like planning this nice night out with his friend and I am getting rushed through dinner . I just feel like he has all this freedom, all this adult stuff and I am just in the background, on the sidelines. And I’m so sad that I feel this way because I really love them so much and I truly don’t mind being a stay at home mom, I honestly love spending time with my kids and my husband , I just feel like I can’t balance it and I can never make it all work. Then I just feel like a bad wife and a bad mom who’s resentful of everything which is also not who I want to be.
I guess I am just wondering if I’m wrong or if this is normal to feel like this. I get the impression that my husband is simultaneously annoyed and sad by me feeling this way.

I’m a firangi bahu, married for almost 10 years. I wasn’t raised around feet touching; I wasn’t even aware of this custom until the first time I visited India. Fundamentally, I’m not keen on it and would rather not do it. However, it is my in-laws’ custom, so I happily oblige in touching all my elder’s feets because it makes FIL/MIL happy. Easy win for me!
This past visit to India, we had to visit some extended family, which included my husband’s cousins who are significantly older (15-30 years) than us. Now I’ve touched the feet of my parents’ generation or older, but never at sibling-, cousin- or peer-level before. My MIL requested in advance that I extend the courtesy to the cousins and their wives and I figured, “ok, fine, it’s a different circumstance with the age gap”. The meeting goes ahead, but I noticed my husband never touched their feet! Y’all I had to touch 14 pairs of feet that day, twice counting the hellos and goodbyes.
I asked him later about this, and he says it’s because he never had to touch his cousins’ feet growing up and that it would be weird to start now. My measured feeling is that we should be treated as equals, and I shouldn’t be held to a different standard. My unfiltered feeling is this is some patriarchal bs.
So fellow redditors, can you enlighten me on this? Does the daughter in law/wife have extra sanskari responsibilities on this front too?

My husband is a professional, licensed massage therapist. It’s his career, and he has part ownership in a salon & spa where he sees his clients. I am friends with his two partners, both women who also work at the salon (one is also a massage therapist, the other an esthetician).
When my husband has a gap in his schedule, he will occasionally let me know and I will drop by the spa to get a massage from him. It’s nice to be worked on by him in his professional “element”, with the table and oils and everything.
Last week I was there getting a 30 minute massage from my husband during an opening in his schedule. One of his partners tapped on the door to ask him a business-related question, and opened the door slightly. I was nude and uncovered - I don’t wear a sheet or anything when my husband massages me, it seems kind of silly to do that. She saw me and said hi, was flustered and immediately apologized. I thought it was no big deal.
After I had left, she came to my husband to apologize again, but also said that she didn’t think it was appropriate for him to massage me nude and uncovered in the spa. My husband pointed out that I am his wife, and it’s not a paying client - and anyway it’s not like a sexual thing. She reiterated that she thought it was inappropriate, and said that if they got “raided” (by the police or something?) it would be difficult to explain.
I understand her surprise and embarrassment and seeing me naked - it was a little embarrassing for me too. But I feel like her request that I cover up when being massaged by my husband is over the top.
Am I wrong?

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Husband F1 Issued Wife F2 Approved
Husband F1 Issued Wife F2 Approved
Hello everyone. My wife (F2) and I (F1) applied for visa together on Monday and got approved by the Visa Officer. My CEAC status shows Issued however hers says it’s Approved. I even got an email mentioning my passport number that I can collect it. I’m really worried, any insights will be appreciated

Husband F1 Issued Wife F2 Approved
Hello everyone. My wife (F2) and I (F1) applied for visa together on Monday and got approved by the Visa Officer. My CEAC status shows Issued however hers says it’s Approved. I even got an email mentioning my passport number that I can collect it. I’m really worried, any insights will be appreciated

Throwaway. I'm going to sound like a psycho here and I understand that. I truly wish I wasn't acting like this right now but I can't shake it.
My husband and I have a 8mo daughter and when I was around 4 months pregnant, he started going out A LOT. He got really close to a guy he worked with and it went from 0 to 100 so quickly that it made my head spin. Prior to meeting this guy my husband only went out maybe once a month but after getting close to this guy, he was going over to this guy's house practically every day for a couple hours after work and then going over there again every weekend just about. At first I was invited, but I'm an introvert so going over to this guy's house constantly was severely destroying my mental health because I never had time to recharge; and frankly, I was tired of being around him and my husband because they would just get drunk and it wasn't fun for me. I have not been invited at all since I was like 7 months pregnant, I think.
I could look past most of what I listed above but there's more to it.. a couple months ago things started really becoming a problem. He would hang out with this guy after work, come home and jump on video games WITH this guy and just sit on the game until he got ready to go to bed. This lasted pretty much all winter. He was still hanging out with him almost every Friday and Saturday. The only time it changed was when I absolutely lost my shit because he wasn't spending any time with me at all. He would hang out with the baby but him and I just never talked anymore unless he was trying to get me to sleep with him. I brought it up to him a lot. If I was calm, he was receptive and would apologize. But if I was angry because I was tired of repeating myself, he would freak out and say things like "I work all the time" or "no one asked me how the fuck I felt after you gave birth" (because I said I was depressed and isolated). He would later apologize for flipping out but I guess it just started destroying me little by little and I just shut down and stopped talking to him at all.
But here's the problem.. the last time I absolutely flipped out, I didn't give him a chance to speak. I just started packing me and the babies stuff. He got better for awhile. Didn't go out for like 3 weeks. Stopped spending any more than an hour on video games. Started hanging out with me and the baby as much as possible. But then he downloaded Snapchat not too long ago, saying he wanted to use the filters on the baby (because I do that) but his snap score keeps going up? Even if we haven't used it to talk to each other for days. He's started going out again. The other day we had a fire and he hung out with his buddies wife the entire time (like 4 hours) but barely spoke to me. He "had to work" on Mother's Day but Sundays his work is closed (he said they had a delivery which COULD be possible, as those are always scheduled for weekends). So... I did the unthinkable and went through his phone when he was sleeping. I didn't find much, outside of blocked numbers (he never blocks numbers). There was 2 on there. I took a picture of them. The next night, I checked again and the numbers were switched positions (like he had unblocked them and then reblocked them in a different order). I called one of the numbers private and it was a woman. I called the other one but they didn't accept private calls. I told my husband what I did and said that I am feeling incredibly untrusting at this point. He was not mad that I went through his phone and said that he has no idea who's numbers were on the blocked list or why they switched positions (he said he had been getting calls for someone else awhile ago so maybe he blocked them and doesn't remember but it doesn't say when they were blocked so maybe that's the truth, because I have witnessed him getting calls for a guy named "Jake") and that his snap score keeps going up from viewing public stories. He's bothered that I don't trust him but I don't know anymore? Am I wrong?
ETA: just a quick add here, my husband is actually a very loving man to me and it does seem like he's actively trying to include me and be more available. I love him to death as well. But something feels ... wrong? And he's very intelligent when it comes to technology so he would know how to delete stuff so I couldn't see it. I just don't want to jump the gun and leave if he really isn't doing anything, you know?

My (47M) wife (48F) was diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer. We live in a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath condo in NYC.
Yesterday I made the executive decision to let my wife have the master bedroom with an en suite bathroom while I moved my belongings to the smaller guest bedroom. Our daughter, who is 19, and only is supposed to stay with us during parts of her summer break, was previously using the guest bathroom as her personal bathroom, but again, this place that we moved in right before she graduated high school is supposed to be more of a hotel for her.
She was not even supposed to be here now, but came because her mother always sounded distressed or under the influence on the phone due to the cancer drugs she has been on. Since her diagnosis, our relationship has gone downhill quickly. It started when I found out a caregiver implied to my wife that women with cancer need to have a backup support system besides their husbands.
I ended up firing that caregiver because she was trying to poison my wife's thoughts. My wife screamed and cried, saying this was the only caregiver she had who didn't seem to be speaking off a robotic script.
My wife's hair has always been something others complimented her on. Our daughter grew up saying she wanted her mom's shiny and thick hair. When my wife stressed about whether her hair always being the same was boring, I was the one who told her hair was beautiful and to not change it. After her diagnosis, my wife and I argued because she wanted to cut her hair before chemo because " it makes things easier." I told her she needed to keep her spirits up and not have this defeatist attitude where she goes chopping off all her beautiful hair at once.
She looked into wigs but wanted a short one for convenience but I really asked her why she didn't want to look like herself and she said it was more lightweight/ less emotional for her that way. I told her to not think like that, and felt she was punishing me by refusing to bring up wigs around me.
Now she's into her chemotherapy and every time I enter our bathroom I see her crying as she brushes her hair and more and more keeps collecting on her brush, in the sink. She then gets upset when I walk away from that situation after she says we are both powerless against cancer.
Then things boil over when she says she should have just cut her hair and then she accused ME of being the reason she didn't, saying she was afraid of my disappointment and hoped if her hair didn't suddenly disappear overnight, I'd get used to the situation.
This is pure projection and I was furious and told her I cannot help her hair loss that she's now putting on me. I felt that if I'm the cause of tears I might as well move into the guest room. I needed my own space and to engage in aspects of normalcy to not go crazy. My daughter has taken over my sink in her mom's room and said she's backing out from an internship and getting a job here for the summer. AITA for exiting an uncomfortable situation full of projection?

I am looking for some other perspectives on a recent situation in my '40F' marriage to '50M'.
For starters, his mental health has been a struggle in recent years. He has reached out for help medically and is seeing a physician. They seem to have come to some conclusions that his issues could be stemming from being on the spectrum. Unfortunately, this seems to have become his go-to excuse for everything now.
I personally believe that his daily marijuana consumption and online browsing have a much larger mental health impact than any diagnoses, but I am not a medical professional.
We have not been doing well relationship-wise lately stemming from an argument that began after I confronted him about being glued to his phone at a family function and when we returned home, he immediately ran to get high despite other household responsibilities being neglected first, leaving them to me to do.
He proceeded to tell me that he has a hard time caring about me in general and that he "is done" with me. When I asked if he intended to leave our home, he said he was not in a place mentally to make that decision, but doubled down to confirm that he did mean what he said. This, understandably, has left me feeling very sad. For context, we have been together for 24 years.
One of his major arguments for the last few years that seems to be causing the most friction is the temperature in the house. For context, I work from home and he does not. When the furnace is on, it is set to 18C. Otherwise, the windows are open until it gets humid outside and the AC gets set to 19-21C depending on the time of day. He is constantly complaining it is too cold. My suggestions of wearing a sweater, socks, pants, etc. are met with hostility. I bought him an electric lap blanket and he has an electric blanket in his bedroom (we have separate rooms now because I sleep with the window open). He also has set up an area in the basement with a baseboard heater.
I am now being told that I "don't give a shit" about his comfort because the rest of the house is not to the temperature of his liking and I am at my wits' end. If the room he enters is not to his liking, it can result in anything from generalized complaints to full blown toddler-style tantrums (slamming doors, screaming, throwing objects).
I guess I am looking for perspectives on the temperature issue. I feel like if you have tools/locations at your disposal to be the temperature you require, you should use them and act like an adult, but he says I'm unwilling to compromise.
If you're read this far, thank you. You're a champ!
TLDR Husband thinks I am a terrible person because of my temperature preferences. Looking for perspectives. Am I a lousy wife in this context? I have been very understanding of his mental health challenges, but I do feel they are being used as an excuse for his inflexible behaviour both in this instance and others. Has anyone else had a similar experience? How did you overcome it?

i made a post some time ago about this that got taken down for some reason so i will post it again and add to it.
my wife is a stay at home mom and we have a 3 yr old. Alhumdulillah we have money and i work very hard to make sure they live comfortably. i have rented for us a house in a neighborhood in which even small houses are over $2mil. a cleaner comes to help her out twice a week and so on. in short she has access to anything she wants and i make sure i give them as much time as i can. i only work and spend time with them. have no hobbies anymore and go out with friends not more than once a month.
there have been several incidents that make me feel like she doesnt care about me.
recently i came home late after work and was playing with my son and i asked her for a glass of water and she refused saying shes also tired. this triggered a conversation about who works more ( trust me its me ) and it ended with her saying that whatever i do for her is normal and that everyone lives like this. i found this very hurtful.
she spends 3 months every year at her parents. and even at the end of the three months i have to ask her to come back which is embarrassing for me. i understand if this was our first year together and she was missing her parents but weve been married for 6 years now. dont know what to say about a wife who doesn't miss her husband after being apart for 3 months.
she never asks me if i am happy. i recently told her i felt lonely. i was expecting her to ask me about it but all i got was an "oh please" and she just brushed it off and then i told her i was serious but got no reaction out of her. thats was my attempt at communicating with her.
and these are just some examples that are easy to explain.
i am not sure whats going on with me but the more time i spend with her the more i feel like i shouldve married someone who appreciated me more. also i am not a bad looking guy and had plenty of options when i was single. not expecting any advice. just a rant.

My son (M16) whom I will call B, is really struggling with his dad's (M39) divorce from his wife (F37). It's not a conventional break up. Rather than continuous fighting that led a breakup, his stepmom popped up with it pretty suddenly about 6 weeks ago and threw everyone for a loop, citing that she's no longer in love with her husband and she wants to pay ways. Since then.....nothing has really happened. An apartment was looked at for B's dad, but not signed off on or paid for. His stepmom continues to plan for the future as though they will still be married, but she maintains that the romantic side of their relationship is over. They act like everything is the same in front of others (still jocular and upbeat, friendly) but haven't really discussed a game plan moving forward, or even gone to separate bedrooms. His stepmom continues to go to family events, school events, and nothing has been said to outer family besides parents and GPs. Its really strange and we are all pretty uncomfortable but are trying to be supportive and mind our own business.
B has seen all this and has no idea what to do or think. He's so mad and upset for so many reasons but feels like he's being gaslighted because there's very little outward display of what's actually HAPPENING. What do I do as his mom?? He and I have spoken about it numerous times and I feel for him so much. He's not interested in watching them "play house" as he puts it, so he doesn't want to spend as much time with his dad. His dad is hurt by this. They're even talking a family trip this summer! I think counseling is in order, but I don't even know how to start bringing up a conversation with his dad and stepmom but does something need to be said? Should I just continue to butt out and keep trying to support B? I'm pretty friendly with his dad and stepmom but I'm not how I would go about it.