A detailed introduction will really be a waste of space when it comes to 'Lovely Runner' right now. If 'Seon Jaeya' is not echoing in your ears and if you aren't humming the lyrics of 'Sonagi' in your sleep, dishonour on you, dishonour on your Kdrama ancestors!
Jokes aside, it was wonderful to experience such a beautiful show while it was making history. Usually I am too late to the party and most hyped shows fail to match my expectations . But 'Lovely Runner' has set a new benchmark for me in many aspects. For a show that jumps timelines every two episodes, the fact that we were completely immersed and not confused is a testament to the effort the whole team has put into it. Even though the writing faltered in the second half ( I'm looking at you episode 13) it stayed consistent for most of it and combined with the brilliant performances by the actors, resulted in something special that is already on its way to becoming a classic.
I was amazed by the way the show and the actors handled the different timelines. The way they made us believe in them as teenagers to super popular idols to film producers to detectives have been discussed many times before. Today I just wanted to look at it in the context of the story. From here on it will be filled with spoilers, so if you haven't watched the show yet, now might be a good time to stop reading.
Since we see the story from Sol's point of view, her character feels familiar and same to us throughout the show even though she undergoes considerable character growth. Seon Jae is the main instrument that the writing uses to distinguish the different timelines. By the time the finale rolls in, we pine along with Sol for five different Seon Jaes - the original timeline Seon Jae, the teenage Seon Jae, the Seon Jae that we don't see but hear about when Sol briefly returns, the college Seon Jae and the clueless Seon Jae. It's amazing how the writing distinguishes these different versions as each of these Seon Jaes are living lives that are bound by the consequences of the actions and decisions made in their corresponding timelines.
When we see him for the first time, on the day of the eclipse in 2009, he is excited to start his singing journey. It has been 10 months since the attack on Sol happened. He might have decided to leave the past behind and push ahead as he always did. When the RJ asked him to make a call, he probably made a spur of the moment decision to call Sol because he wanted to check on her and make sure that she was doing alright. But she didn't recognise him and hearing the pain that she was still in, the realisation hit again that he was helpless when it comes to saving her. (Those words affected her so much because they came from his heart and was meant only for her). That might have reopened the wounds and when we see him 14 years later, he is clearly a troubled soul. He is not on good terms with his fellow band members and is probably under medication for depression (as seen by the pills on the hotel room table). His relationship with Sol was not quite love in that timeline. He had a one sided crush on her. SJ is not one to open up about his troubles. Sol basically rammed through his defences when she travelled back for the first time. So in the OG timeline, he probably dealt with the heartbreak of losing his swimming career on his own. On top of that, he had to witness the girl he liked being attacked in front of his eyes. If that is not enough trauma to be in therapy for the rest of one's life, the person he saved cursed him for saving and ruining her life. It's a wonder he still found the strength to go ahead and pursue his dream of becoming an idol. Guilt was probably the driving emotion of his life. Maybe it made the harsh criticism and comments directed towards him from the fans hit harder. I think 'Sonaki' in that timeline is not a love song but a heartbreaking ode to the girl he couldn't save. So when they meet for the first time on that bridge, the light that shines in Sol's eyes are of devotion and in his it is probably relief. He thinks she hasn't changed and seeing her living her life without losing the spark that attracted him in the first place might have alleviated some of the burden on his own soul. (Why did the killer hold such grudge against him and killed him in this timeline though? They met only once!!)
When Sol returns to the present for the first time, she is still wheel chair bound. So the past hasn't changed. Even though we don't see Seon Jae here, he was possibly in a similar mental state because if the first SJ was guilt ridden when he didn't really know her, this SJ already had made memories with her and so it must have hurt especially bad when she cut him out of his life. But he has better relationship with In Hyuk though because he trusted him enough to confide in him that he felt guilty for Sol's fate.
The SJ that Sol meets fifteen years later after successfully changing her own fate is in a much better place. It is probably because he got some kind of closure with Sol. He saved Sol on both occasions and Sol gave him a reason why she couldn't see him anymore. So even though it hurt, he could move on. The pills have changed to multi vitamins and In Hyuk is practically living with him. The news about him having panic attacks that Sol remembers from the OG timeline are just rumours for him.
The college SG is the purest of them all. He had good memories with Sol and he gave her the time and space to heal. His feelings were firmly in the unrequited love (as he believed) territory and once he figured things out and realised that his love might not be a one way street after all, he refuses to back down, consequences be damned. And that's one aspect of his characterization that stood out the most to me. Seon Jae is so open in his affection for Sol and he never bothers to hide it. Instead he declares it boldly any chance he gets. The only thing that will stop him is Sol's no and that right there is a green flag.
The clueless Seon Jae is the most confident of them all. He has no burden (consciously at least) on his soul and is assured in his place in life. I don't think he's an active part of Eclipse in this life since everybody refers to him as actor and there is no Sonagi. Eclipse is seen as separate. He objectively offers to renovate their studio. I think he initially was a member but retired from singing like he wanted to in the first timeline and is focusing on his acting career. Whatever it maybe he has better friendships,seen by the fact that now it is not just In Hyuk that barges into his home unannounced, the whole band is there. He is living a comparatively peaceful life. He might be lonely though.
Sol on the other hand moves through the timelines with her memories relatively intact. Apart from the temporary insanity and stupidity in episode 13, she is a pretty sorted person. She picked herself up from the worst and faced life head on without ever losing the spark of hope. Her journey from a cheerful teenager to a mature person who handled the twists of fate like a pro was done quite convincingly.
Her relationship with Seon Jae progressed slowly from worship to friendship to love. The writing doesn't use definitive events to showcase this change. Instead it uses little moments like the one in the bar when they are sitting together drinking tea and she belatedly remembers that he is no longer just Seon Jae but is a celebrity. The girl deserves a special applause for going from one timeline to next and meeting different versions of Seon Jae without getting whiplash. While years pass for him, for her it's just months.
In addition to the outstanding job done by Woo Seok and Hye Yoon, it is these attention to little details that makes the show even more interesting when you are re-watching it. Here there are no major secondary plot lines to carry the story forward. We spent most of the sixteen plus hours in the company of the lead pair and are still left wanting more. If that's not an indication of things done well, I don't know what is.
There are two plot points that I wish the show handled a bit better. Maybe another post for that. This one is already a bit long. Please feel free to share your favourite little details that you picked up from the show. I'm sure there are many many more because who are we kidding, we are still time travelling right?

It's been nearly a year since my wife’s affair. We were at a very rocky place in our relationship, and I can admit I was not the best partner emotionally or mentally. I was mean in those areas. Despite that, I have always provided for our family. She was done with me and had lost her love and respect for me. She went on a date and had sexual intercourse with a coworker on the Fourth of July while I took our children to visit my family, giving her the space and alone time she had asked for.
I posted here a couple of weeks after it happened when I found out (using a throwaway account), and a few other times when she was acting immaturely—wanting to go out more and do single-girl things with her single friends like clubbing, going to random parties, or drinking, lying about where she was, and not returning home until around 5 a.m.
I received many comments suggesting I should leave her, saying she'll do it again, she doesn't care, I'm being a "pick me," etc.
It got to the point where I had to tell her, "Enough is enough. I'm not going to stay in this relationship if I'm constantly stressing and arguing about what I think you shouldn't be doing. If you want to do these things, that's fine—I understand—but I won't stay here. I'll leave this marriage, and you can do as you please. So think about what you really want because if going out with your friends every weekend is more important to you than spending time with me and our children, I won't be with you."
Her family, and perhaps her own inner self, made her realize the gravity of the situation. Long story short, we've grown so much in our marriage and relationship. We have better communication, trust has been rebuilt, she stopped talking to people who were a bad influence on her, we started going to church, and developed a stronger relationship with God. We've transformed what was broken into something strong and beautiful. We go on more dates and have family vacations, and she's more loving than she's ever been in our 11 years together (with our 6th wedding anniversary coming up).
However, as the anniversary of the affair approaches, I've been struggling with my feelings—having bad thoughts and bad dreams. I become quiet, distant, and less affectionate. I question whether I made the right choice in staying with her after what she did. I feel these thoughts are not truly mine but something trying to bring me down and make me doubt myself. She can immediately tell when something is wrong and comforts me, but it's still something I struggle with.
Just here to vent.

I'm not sure if my post belongs here; i just hope it helps someone.
My life, or rather, my brain is coming to an end. As a result of violence, my brain is 'cementing'.. CTE. On top of it are the tinnitus and headaches.
Not to mention the demons of others who grabbed pieces of my soul during their need to harm me. Harmed people, harm people.
I used to have a strict schedule to combat CTE & tinnitus. Working out 4h/day works to fall a sleep at night; the production of natural growth hormone is extremely benificial for neurological processes. This helps for depression too.
I started traveling a few years ago to work through my bucket list, and have accomplished most things. As a result of working out, i'm muscular; unwanted female attention is the consequence. I just don't know what to say to them.. the truth? It's best to do no harm and remain in my solitude. A big, blonde, sun tanned man blocking every attempt to talk to me. It hurts me to my core, every single time. I'ld love to talk, and get a hug. But, then reality hits me, and i walk away. Wish i would not. I miss human touch, speech, connection, intimacy, friendship, loyalty, integrity and .. XXX. But what's the point if i'm just going to hurt someone else, given my condition.
Family & friendship used to be big for me! It kept me alive. I've been hustled by my sister recently, for stupid money, paper & ink. She knows i'm a good fighter, if needed, so when she notices i worked it out, she called the cops. I just cried. It drained me instantly of every belief i had left in me. Don't really trust anyone ever since. I raised my brother and sisters, no mom/dad, with our old grandmother. She passed away late December, and i miss her so much.
In Alicante, last month, the day before my bday, i Found a book in little re-read book store. Mother Teresa: her People and her work - Desmond Doig. It had such a deep impact on me, i literally hugged it for hours. There are good Humans out there! Never doubt that! There is love out there, never doubt that! There are People you can trust! It's just a matter of letting our story develop and that begins with our feet. Going outside, exploring, being respectfull and kind, and funding something we love doing. For me it's giving.. giving is living. And, that book.. so thankfull for it.
I'm a little afraid to embark on my last journey. This one is about finding my last sunset, somewhere on a remote beach. Don't worry, I'll leave a notice, so children don't find me.
I refuse to be a victim of the past, i refuse to slowly dissapear in a lonely appartement, and I'll fade in the night on my own terms and conditions. With my head held high and a smile because i'm going home.
This life was hard, not honest at all, but man.. was it beautiful. It's all so beautiful and magic.
Like Patience - NAS, Damian Marley Natural mystic - Bob Marley
And my all time favorite..
Rose Tattoo - Dropkick Murphy's
Thank you for reading this
Wish me luck on my last roadtrip.
Dimi.

Hi team! You may remember me from yesterday, I am the heavily pregnant woman with the PA who met up with a guy from Grindr. You were all so lovely to me yesterday and offered such great support that I thought I'd drop back in with an update. Long post, so sorry about that.
So the morning after, he was asking me for reassurance and affection and I declined to provide. He was very insecure and remorseful and was worried he was going to lose me. I told him that was a very real possibility. He had a scheduled session that day with his therapist anyway (he's only seen her twice before yesterday) and he asked her if it was okay to bring me in so we could communicate better. she said yes. The therapy was.... interesting. A lot of it is to do with his trauma, his terrible parents, all stuff I knew and accepted anyway. I have spent a lot of time explaining how I can look past his behaviours, and work with him to stop the problematic ones, but it's the lying and disrespect I can't handle. The therapist gave us some kind of framework or something. We haven't properly started that yet. I was looking to get everything out on the table first, so I could assess the damage, and then we could start on figuring out what blocks need to be put in place.
ANYWAY I went out with my cousin, cried in a coffee shop, bought some lil baby sleepsuits, ate some fried doughnuts and then my cousin cleaned my kitchen. It was a good time. It was after that that my PA and I started on the hell of uncovering EVERYTHING. everything everything. and jesus christ. I granted him "immunity" - I said, no matter what happened, I would stay, we could work on things, that this fresh start would start AFTER the confessions. and jesus Christ. our whole relationship, just weird creep things. He would go into town and ask random girls to kick him in the balls (his major thing). He had a (female) sex worker in MY CAR. My DISABILITY car. The car we only have because I am disabled (mental illness, not physically). I had to go through hell to get it and within 20 days. Plus she left a cigarette butt in the door and I obviously found it and he lied to my face and said it was his friend's. Plus all the messaging, nonstop porn usage, and the sex workers from last year too. It was far too much to hear and the hits my self esteem, safety and sense of worth have taken are immeasurable. I feel worse than I ever have. Thank you to everyone who told me to reach out to my support network though, I get near hourly reminders from my cousin and best friend that it's not my fault and that I've done nothing wrong and ect.
So, for now, I have utilised apple's beautiful screen time content restrictions. Arguably too much, but it's fun. He can't download apps, he can't use incognito, he can't breathe without me knowing what he's done on there. Apps he's lost access to are tiktok, twitter, Instagram, snapchat, and obviously every other app ever. We also installed life360 and accountable2you. I have an android though so truple is out of the question. Life360, I'm skeptical about, but obviously when he picks up sex workers when he's on his way home from work and he finishes at 11pm, it'll be good to know where he went. Any other tips to remove privacy, either for punishment or actual avoidance, are welcome.
I don't know where I stand or how I feel. I have several mental illnesses that actually help me cope in traumatic situations like these, so I feel okay. I'm probably really really not okay. I'm probably breaking down somewhere deep inside. I can't kiss him and I feel repulsed when he touches me. It's been a very very long day today in bed, moving between me prompting for more truth (I do feel like I've gotten all of it), me crying, him crying, feeling the baby move and figuring it all out. We are both 24, turning 25 in the next couple of months. I know that doesn't excuse anything on either part but a couple of idiots with messed up childhoods trying to make a relationship work. I'm also diagnosed with CPTSD and ADHD combined type. He is diagnosed with ASD and is awaiting an ADHD assessment. My point is I guess that love isn't enough and trust is important and everything is sort of upside down. Leaving isn't essential right now and he is remorseful. On the other hand, the baby is loving all the sweet treats I've been giving myself because I've been feeling sad.

TL;DR: We had a medical emergency and are now no contact with MIL.
Empowered by the responses on here to my original post, I laid a firm but polite boundary with my MIL regarding an issue that had been going on since I was pregnant. It’s not related to the delayed conversation but it is part of the pattern of disrespect and cruelty. She tried to keep gifted baby items for a room in her house. They’ve been calling it (baby’s name) Room. Husband called her out on it in person and she doubled down. So last week after I posted on here, I text.
“Hey! (husband) mentioned that you’ve made a baby room for (baby) at your house? We don’t think that is necessary or appropriate! You probably should use it for something that will actually get used. Thank you!!”
I chose to do it because my husband was still afraid. I know tone is hard to read over text but I text exactly like I always do. However, when she came back rudely (she responded with a single “lol”), he did text her and tell her not to be rude.
She responded back a week later when we were in the pediatric emergency room because our newborn had a Covid-induced fever. My husband lost it.
Imagine your baby girl just had red disinfectant on her, various painful medical tests, she’s already been inconsolable due to her fever, and she’s cried so hard she’s vomited. Imagine your wife is comforting her, rocking her, singing. You’re sitting down crying taking space so as not to upset the baby any more than she already is. And your mother texts at that exact moment “your wife is the one being rude. Have her reread the long text she sent me. I say this lovingly as your family.”
She knew. She knew we had Covid. She knew our baby is young enough that a fever is an automatic emergency room visit. And she chose to pick the fight more.
Husband text back repeating that no she was the one being rude and she responded. “Chalk it up to the multiverse. Love you.”
And I finally got permission to explain calmly exactly how wrong she is. Husband is already pissed she doesn’t show care about our baby, just criticism, but for her to respond not even asking about her or her condition, he let me loose.
MIL and I went back and forth for a while, me letting out my anger and helplessness at having a sick baby. I was polite and stood up for us. But she caught me at the wrong time. Every single other time before, we’ve just let it go. But I could see a future with my baby exposed to her unchecked and I couldn’t stand it. Having baby be sick just hit my Mama Bear button. Some messages removed for length but here’s the important parts verbatim.
Me: Your son just had to watch his newborn crying in agony at the emergency room. And you’re angry that we think your “Baby Room” is uncomfortable? Have some compassion. Communicate with kindness. Grow up.
MIL: My husband agrees with me and thinks you were out of line. Please stop creating drama! Please stop being rude to me!
Me: Communicating how you feel is not creating drama. And it’s not rude. It’s sad you read all of that and all you could do is play the victim in response. Please reflect and actually consider what I’ve said.
MIL: You texting, out of the blue, that I should not expect to see my granddaughter is unusual. The fact that I tried to laugh at your unbelievable rudeness, is not me being a victim. I was trying to support you and not draw out your condition. Sorry for being considerate. And yes, I thought you were over the top rude for no evident reason.
Me: Are you saying you won’t see her unless we support you having an entire room for her? Draw out my condition? What are you even talking about?
MIL: Hormones or nutcase? There’s no room!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Wow. This is why your son can’t communicate with you. Because you respond like this. And it’s really sad. “Lol” is not support and “!!!!!!!” Is not a normal response. Take a breather if you need to. This is not the best way to handle this. You’ve got to know that on some level.
Meanwhile, husband text her again “this is really disappointing :( please be more empathetic mom.” We haven’t heard from her since.
The thing is, her gaslighting about there not being a room is so insane. Everyone in the family has heard about it. She even painted the walls and talked about having a crib. She held our crib hostage to try to put it in the room!
Husband turned to me and just said “she played that so wrong. Starting with the lol and ending with calling you a nutcase.”
So yeah, thanks to this sub and her behavior, we are no contact with her! We are still talking to SIL (she actually got us groceries when she found out our baby was sick) and will probably stay in contact with FIL. I still don’t understand MIL or her intentions and I think I could go crazy trying to work it out.
I’m absolutely refusing to see a woman who called me a nutcase without a sincere apology. And baby doesn’t go anywhere without me. So she got her projected wish. She won’t be seeing her grandchild. Honestly, I really pity her. She’s a liar with a victim complex and she’s miserable because of it.

The title is a bit of an exaggeration but I wonder if anyone else has experienced this. So I've been working out (lifting weights) for some time now and I do like the changes to my arms for sure and love the increased strength and mental health benefits. I don't intend to stop.
However, my butt grew big so fast despite putting kinda minimal effort into legs and nothing glute focused (honestly i just do leg press, some squats with handheld weight, lunges..bare minimum). And still despite not doing much, it got so visibly round and perky really fast. I've grown out of most pants I had before and everything fits different now.
Also, my butt and thighs gain but calves don't stay slim and feminine looking, so it isn't balanced out. Every male in my family has small calves so it could he genetic, or possibly I'm not doing enough. My quads also, though larger, don't really looks visibly defined or muscular like some fit peoples do, which doesn't help.
On top of that, in the process of working out I eat more and gain a little fat everywhere. So my chest has gotten larger, and love handles larger, emphasizing curves. I dont have strong obliques and dont do much abs so i I just look curvier? I'm still slim though.
Also, while my arms have gained and are bigger than before, I have smaller bones and don't gain fat in arms really so they still look relatively slim, especially forearms (thin wrists). Feel like beefy arms could help balance lower body gains more, but my forearms don't gain much/still look skinny? People tend to be surprised by my strength because I don't look it.
Before working out more I could look masc in slim fitting and tapered jeans/pants, now I look so shapely in them and hug me the wrong ways. And looser pants around the legs still show off my curves/ass. Overall , it's contributing to me feeling slightly dysphoric I guess, though I don't mind being read as a woman/butch woman, I just don't feel as like myself as before.
Has anyone else had this happen to them when working out? Any advice for workout routine switches or things to add for a masculine shape? Has anyone successfully gained a more masculine shape from lifting? Any thoughts welcome!
(No food/diet advice as I have a past of an ED, thank you!)

I was a damaged person. But I was on the mend.
I had a pretty traumatic break up with my childhood best friend, turned girlfriend. I had known her since we were 8 years old. We had been boyfriend and girlfriend since we were 13 and had been so for 9 years until my junior year of college when she cheated on me in a very cruel way. It came to light that she had cheated on me many times before as well.
I loved her so god damn much! I thought we were one of those stories where two souls were knitted together from eternity to eternity, or some hallmark card bullshit like that.
I was emotionally shattered and it took me a while until one day about 2 years later, I woke up and thought about her, but then realized that I hadn't thought about her at all the previous day. It was glorious and I knew then that I was on the mend. After that, my healing process sort of exponentially snowballed and I was back in the saddle as far as relationships went. I started going on dates and meeting up with women.
I was a software engineer working for a large corporation. Because I was good at my job, and because I didn't have a family, I was given the opportunity to move to Singapore and lead a project there for what would be a couple of years but turned out to be 7 years.
The great thing about Singapore is that they speak the "King's English" when they're not speaking "Singlish" (a patois of mostly English with funky grammar, but with Malay, Chinese, and Hindi thrown in). So I didn't have to learn a whole new language to fit in. I just had to learn how to translate Singlish to English, which wasn't too hard after a couple of months of trying. I even learned the lingo and it would amuse my coworkers a whole lot when I spoke Singlish. They thought it was hilarious.
I was a good looking guy (still am!!) but I really let myself go in my depression. I was a tall, muscular 210 pounds when I broke up with my ex, but I had ballooned up to over 300 pounds. I started a workout regimen and lost it all but the workout regimen became sort of an obsession. It was the one thing that grounded me. After I went to Singapore, one of my business perks was a gym membership at "Fitness First", a local gym franchise. I was down to my previous weight, but I had to practically camp out at the gym because the best thing about Singapore is the FOOD. The food is incredible! However, you WILL pack on the weight if you don't get your ass to the gym.
The meet cute
I was working out one day much later than normal due to some overtime on my project and I saw a girl on a treadmill. The treadmill was the one I usually use because it was in the back and kind of out of the way. The girl was stunning! The thing that stuck out to me was that she was had her hair in a pony tail through a ball cap, which is a look I find very attractive. I was a little nervous because, even though I was fairly confident about the way I look, I was definitely batting out of my league with this girl.
I went to her and chatted her up after she got off of the treadmill. She didn't look me in the eye and didn't really engage. I figured that I had acted like what is now known as a "gym creep" and I figured it was a "swing and a miss!" I apologized and said I wouldn't bother her anymore. I stuck out my hand and said "I'm OP, by the way. What's your name?"
She hesitated and looked at me for a bit and said "Lilly" (not her real name).
I remember this exactly because she later said that it was what intrigued her about me. At the time, she was an actress/model who had done some print/public billboard type ads, product demo booths at expos, and even a bit part in a local tv (Mediacorp) series. She had started to attract public attention because of these (mainly the TV show and the ads that were hanging all around town at that time) not just from men but from women too and it was super uncomfortable for her.
The fact that I had no idea who she was relaxed her and made her think that I was attracted to her for her and not because her face was everywhere at the time. After she told me about it, I did notice her face everywhere. But photoshop was a thing even back then, so I didn't recognize her from her ads and I really don't look at ads, tuning them out. I also didn't watch her TV show because it was in Mandarin Chinese and I don't speak or understand any Chinese, and I wasn't in a position where I was required to attend or arrange trade shows.
In the years prior to meeting me, Lilly had undergone a lot of plastic surgery (breast, eyelid, facial contouring, nose job, lipo, etc). She said it got to where she didn't recognize herself in the mirror and it disturbed and depressed her. She hadn't particularly wanted the surgery but she got the procedures done at the behest of her family who wanted her to bring in more money and the people in charge of her career development (don't know the term). It was all very expensive and she felt like she owed her family and the talent people who managed her.
Later, I found out that she hated the public recognition. Not just from men, but mostly from women who were really catty about her plastic surgery. The people in charge of her were pushing her to start singing but she didn't have a good voice and would need a bunch of training for that. She was depressed due to not recognizing herself in the mirror any more and didn't want to follow the career track that she had been on. They were pushing her to do more figure/body modeling which was why she was in the gym. She was SUPER uncomfortable with that and constantly hungry and pissed off.
She was afraid that she would do some more modeling and then get married off by her parents to some rich mainland Chinese man that she would be ambivalent about (she preferred Caucasian men) and she'd be forced to be a traditional pampered Chinese wife living in Beijing.(Doesn't sound that bad to me. Some of those Chinese businessmen live crazy luxurious lifestyles.
Since I was working a lot of overtime, I kept going to the gym later at night and we saw each other and I would wave and smile and she would smile and wave back. OK I was kinda hoping to meet her regularly. I spotted her on a couple of exercises and we began to chat with each other a bit. A couple of times I had to steady her because she was fainting from being hungry and working out at the same time. I used that as an excuse to take her out to a hawker center, which like a mall food court but with delicious local food (not chain restaurants). We chatted and got along really well. It became a regular thing until I confessed I had a crush on her. We started dating after that until it got to a point where she practically moved into my place.
She, of course, had her share of guys interested in her. She was on livejournal at the time (remember livejournal??) and she was doing that and posting pictures of herself for her career mostly, but I'm sure she did enjoy the attention. She had one guy from Belgium who was really after her. He actually bought her 800 thread count sheets, which is an oddly practical but vaguely inappropriate gift. He actually visited Singapore on business (he was a tech sales guy) and wanted to meet up with her in a public place, a hawker center. I still had trust issues from my previous "love of my life" betraying me. To this day, I cringe at my behavior at the time, but I laid down a clear boundary. She could absolutely go see and hang out with this guy if she wanted to, but if she did, she'd be doing it as a single available girl and we would be through. She said she saw my face "turn to stone" and it was clear that she would lose me if she went to meet up with that guy. That honestly gave her pause about our relationship and she really considered ending it at the time. I didn't know that until much later, though. Certainly, I'm glad that she didn't. She didn't go meet up with the guy. To this day, we call the incident "The Belgian Waffle". OK so I call it that, she thinks it's stupid.
Meeting her family
Eventually, Lilly asked if I could have dinner with her parents, saying that they wanted to meet me. I bought some gifts, basically Japanese cookies in really nice packaging, and then we met. I did the traditional thing and formally introduced myself and asked them about their family and history.
At the time, Lilly got some criticism from her extended family because I am a white guy. There was a certain stigma attached to local girls who liked white guys. They called those girls "SPGs" which stands for "Sarong Party Girls", a derogatory name for the prostitutes who would entertain British expats at after hours parties "back in the day".
Over the next few months, I won over her family mainly by eating their food and being accepting of their culture. I grew up in Texas, so pickled jalapenos were common in my house...like salt and pepper, we put them on everything. Later on, I was the kind of guy who put tabasco or sriracha on everything. So eating their spicy food was no problem for me. I remember us both going shopping at an open air market and seeing an older woman cutting up cili padi. I asked if I could try some. She looked at my pale face and then at Lilly and she said I could. I bit into one and chewed it up as the woman looked at me with an amused look on her face. She was waiting for me to jump up and down with fire shooting out of my mouth, I guess. I disappointed her, but she and Lilly were impressed. She later told her mother and she was impressed too. She wanted me to eat one for her as well. Oh well, trained monkey time I guess.
The real test came when I tried Durian for the first time. This is the same food that "defeated" Andrew Zimmern, the "Bizarre Foods" guy. I actually liked it. I had a D24 durian, which admittedly is like the "beginner version" of durians. There are like 16 different types. When you get past the smell and actually taste it, it doesn't smell that bad any more. It's very sweet and creamy. It's like the taste overwrites your disgust of the smell. I think that's what really impressed them to an extreme degree. They started calling me an "egg", because I was "white on the outside but yellow on the inside."
I would visit her grandmother with her. In true Chinese fashion, Lilly and her brother Johnny were raised by their paternal grandparents while their parents worked full time jobs, so her grandmother was like her mom. She was in an elder care facility at this point, though. She didn't like living there, but it was all they could afford. We would visit her every week and she'd be very happy. She didn't speak any English at all so she and Lilly would just chat speaking Hokkien Chinese while her grandmother would pet my hairy forearms like I was a dog. She was absolutely smitten with my hairy forearms.
Meeting my family
After a little over a year, I took her back to Texas to meet my family. It was quite the culture shock. Lilly was amazed by red barns and hay bales, black and white Holstein cows, things she saw in movies about the USA. She particularly was impressed by the cluster mailboxes lined up on country roads ("So cute, leh!") We actually had to stop the car and take pictures of her standing next to them, smiling goofily for the photo. I made sure to take her to the Texas hill country during spring, when the hills are covered with soft green grass and festooned with bluebonnets, sunflowers, indian paintbrushes, black eyed susans, daisies, etc. I had to practically hold her down to keep her from picking them. It's not illegal or anything, it's just frowned upon and tradition to leave them alone. OK, I let her pick some. Give me a break, I was in love with the girl.
Driving was also something that kind of boggled her mind. Texas is huge, and traveling from my parents' place to visit my brothers and their families was a seemingly endless trek. Driving from Houston to Austin, to Corpus Christi was crazy long, even with the stops to visit my relatives.
Lilly was practically agoraphobic at the big sky in Texas. She was used to being in a forest of tall concrete and steel buildings, with only strips of blue sky available at the top. In Texas that sky went from horizon to horizon. She was also amazed at the uncountable numbers of stars at night away from the city lights. She later told me it was like visiting Narnia or something.
In Texas, she got her share of looks from guys, especially in the bigger cities. I wasn't jealous. I've never been a jealous guy, although my experience with my ex "love of my life" really put my radar up, I still was proud that other guys were attracted to her. My attitude was "go ahead and eat your hearts out, she's with me!"
When she met my oldest brother, it was like a cultural thing with her, so she was very deferential and respectful. I knew that my oldest brother was attracted to her because he was stumbling and stuttering when he was speaking to her, looking at her but kind of avoiding looking at her. I wasn't too concerned because he was a married guy with 2 sons and not a scumbag, but it was still pretty amusing to see "Mr. Smooth-don't-let-em-know-you-want-em-kid" at a loss for words.
My parents met Lilly finally (she was super nervous but she did really well) and later my mom brought me aside and asked me if she should re-set her mother's diamond engagement ring. I thought about it a bit, and then told her "yes". My mom's eyes started sparkling with images of unborn grandchildren and she smiled bigger than I had ever seen her smile (kind of unsettling actually). My dad later brought me aside and basically told me I couldn't do any better and I would be a "god damn fool" if I let her get away from me. I agreed. My dad then told me something that remains with me to this day: "She will make your life sparkle, son." (she has).
Before our time in the US was up my mom gave me the ring and I asked Lilly to be my wife in a field of wildflowers, which had become her favorite place to be in Texas. She said yes. Looking back, that was one of the happiest days of my life. It was up there with losing my virginity to "the love of my life" (who turned out to be a duplicitous crazy person but at the time it was really special), my wedding day to Lilly, and the births of our children.
The Engagement
When we got back to Singapore we had to pretend we weren't engaged because I had to ask her parents for their daughter's hand in marriage. I spoke with them and explained how my prospects in my career were good. I told them that I loved their daughter and that my family also loved their daughter. We had to schedule a phone call between my parents and her parents.
I had clued my parents in as far as the traditions go. In Chinese culture, the groom pays for the wedding rather than the bride. The groom also has to give the bride's parents certain auspicious gifts. My parents luckily had done a tour of China a few years before and knew all of this beforehand, having befriended their local tour guide who was saving up money for his own wedding at the time. On the call, they agreed upon a pinjin, which is basically "betrothal money". We started to plan the Guo Da Li ceremony which would take place in 3 months time, and 3 months before the wedding.
Unfortunately life threw us a curve ball and Lilly's grandmother died. It was bittersweet because, while Lilly missed her, her grandmother had become very old and infirm to the point where her quality of life was pretty low. All wedding stuff was put on hiatus until the funeral was over plus 100 days for mourning.
After that, we were able to do the Guo Da Li ceremony. I gave my future in laws a red packet of money plus special cakes and 12 mandarin oranges and gold jewelry. It all went very well.
Wedding planning started in earnest. I got some money from my dad (who insisted) but the lion's share was out of my pocket. During this process I was able to meet some incredible people. The stand outs were Richard and Jimmy. Rich and Jimmy were tailors and dressmakers. They were a couple and they gave my fiancée a really good deal on a wedding dress and cocktail dress if she agreed to do some print modeling for their business. They also made me a tuxedo and a suit. I offered to model for them as well and we all had a good laugh at that prospect (OK they were doing most of the laughing - ego still hurts from that one, guys).
The venue we were using was Chijmes. It's the same one used in the move "Crazy Rich Asians". It was back when they had first started offering it up as a venue so it wasn't crazy expensive at the time. Plus, it was a smaller venue for weddings. Usually weddings are held in large hotel ballrooms and are huge affairs (this is what I was told). The families both invite everyone they've ever met to come: Neighbors, business contacts, everyone. They all bring red packets filled with cash. We opted for the "small" wedding.
The Bachelor Party
We had planned bachelobachelorette parties on the same night (separate venues). Lilly's MOH threw hers while Rich and Jimmy threw mine. My best man was my dad (because he's the best man that I know) and so cigars and brandy would have been disappointing to my work friends and my future brother in law and cousins. I don't think anyone was prepared for what happened.
We had the party at the sushi restaurant of a friend of Rich and Jimmy's. It was after hours. We had some incredible sashimi and rolls. I even tried fish sperm. Didn't like it. I asked Jimmy are you sure it's FISH, sperm?? He said of course he'd never do that to me. To be fair, it did taste and smell very fishy. I don't know how human sperm tastes like (or maybe I do now, I don't know).
After the sushi was done, it was time for the entertainment, and oh boy. Rich and Jimmy hired a trans entertainer who sang show tunes. The thing is, she had an incredible voice. She was obviously biologically male, but she really carried herself with a lot more femininity than I've seen from biological women. She sang and told jokes and roasted me pretty thoroughly. My dad was there and he thought it was funny as hell. My friends from work, especially the Aussies and Brits, thought it was great, my future BIL and most of my future cousins did too. Other cousins politely excused themselves and left. I think the free flowing booze and beer kept most people there, though.
After her thoroughly entertaining performance, it was time for the dancers. This is kind of where it went off the rails. Rich and Jimmy hired exotic dancers...but they were all male or trans. Now, to be fair, it wasn't like they didn't tell me about it beforehand. They did. Personally, I thought it would be hilarious to announce that the strippers were here and then have male dancers come out. I have a twisted sense of humor, I suppose. I certainly wasn't going to cheat on the most beautiful woman in the world mere weeks before our wedding, so prostitutes and female dancers were completely out of the question for me. They jokingly suggested male dancers it and we laughed. I thought about it a bit and I guess I'm "take-the-joke-too-far" guy so I encouraged it. Lilly knew about it and thought it was funny as well and wanted me to video tape it while it happened. ("Yeah right you just want to ogle the dancers" "Of course, lah!")
What I wasn't prepared for was the PLATOON of banana hammocks that marched out into the restaurant. Smooth greased up Asian chests everywhere! My dad was of course shocked at first and then looked at me and we started laughing and the ridiculousness of it. My dad stood up and clapped his hand on my shoulder and put a mock serious look on his face. The people immediately around me witnessed my dad telling me that he loved me and accepted my life style choice and that nothing I could say or do would ever change the fact that he and mom loved me and accepted me. Thanks, dad. I was laughing during the whole thing and my future BIL and work buddies who were around me were laughing as well. My dad excused himself and said he had to go find my mom and tell her the "bad news about her future grandchildren" and left ("Can adopt, lah! Can surrogate, meh!" Thanks for the support, guys). My future BIL laughed and said that since all of the available male dancers were at my party, there were none available to attend his sister's party, so she was "safe".
Among the highlights of the evening is that I discovered that a few of my co-workers and future cousins were in fact gay. I was told to stay out of the ladies' room no matter what. I wasn't planning on going in but thanks for the warning. I was proud that we all only vomited in the trash cans and not on the floor (what a waste of some damn good sushi....and fish sperm). Rich and Jimmy stayed next to each other all night. I even saw them holding hands and looking at each other lovingly. To my shame, I was under the common misconception that all gay men were very promiscuous and I kind of expected them to pair off with the dancers. What I saw that night was a very loving monogamous relationship.
The Wedding Day
The day of the wedding came a few days later and I had the good fortune of being the first one in my family to experience the fun and interesting experience of a groom going through a Chinese-style wedding. I say "Chinese-style" because while we did do a lot of the traditions from a Chinese wedding, we did say vows to God before a Christian minister. This was something she insisted on as her family had converted from Taoism to Christianity (but still kept the Taoist traditions and festivals).
First up was the gatecrash. I went over to the her family's apartment and the MOH and bridesmaids stood at the door refusing to let me in unless I gave them $9999.00. Nine is a significant symbol to them. It means "longevity" I think. So the whole idea is for me to haggle the price down by doing challenges and games. I had to do a handstand and walk with my hands. I had to answer trivia questions ("What is her nickname for you?" "Cranky old man" "What is your nickname for her?" "Baby"). BIL and I had to do "the worm". I haggled them down to $99 which I paid to them in a red packet. My BIL and wife chided me for not going lower but my dad was there and was in his 70s and couldn't do any feats of strength.
After I "secured" my bride, we did the traditional tea ceremony with her parents and my parents. Lilly was dressed in a traditional red silk qipao, tailor made by Rich and Jimmy. I gotta tell you people, the qipao really does it for me! Not gonna lie, it was like cupid gut punched me when I saw her dressed in it . My parents were pretty stoic throughout but my mom sympathy cried with Lilly's parents when she tearfully did the tea ceremony with her mother and father. We received red packets from each set of parents. I was told the red packet her parents gave us had most of the bride price we paid in it. Her mom gave her her grandmother's jeweled antique watch and my mom gave her a sapphire ring (sapphire is my birth stone). As we left her home to go to Chijmes, I told her "we're keeping that dress, understand me??" She laughed.
We got to Chijmes, did the photos and she walked down the aisle in a beautiful white dress with a small train behind it with sequins on it. My dad gave me the ring. He was my best man. He was my best man because he's the best man I know. After the wedding, she changed into a champagne colored strapless cocktail dress another Rich and Jimmy original. THREE wardrobe changes, people! THREE! All with different hair and make up and she did it super quick. I don't know what wizardry was invoked but we may be indebted to the hoary netherworld.
We honeymooned at the Fullerton Hotel. The old British colonial Post Office was converted to a luxury hotel in 2001. We stayed there for 3 days ordering overpriced room service ("Go to hawker center, lah! Much cheaper better food, meh!).
Emigration and Immigration
So a little bit before this time, a little event happened in New York. You might have heard about it. Anyway because some sexually repressed incels decided to murder thousands of people, USA's immigration was all jacked up. The INS went bye-bye. Then we had the BCIS for a brief moment, followed by the USCIS. I saw that my project was ending and my company helped me with her immigration. It was a pain, though. It seems like we had new forms to fill out every week while the old ones became obsolete. That's how I remember it, anyway. It was a pretty frustrating time and I almost had to leave her behind (it wouldn't have been permanent but it would be a long time). Luckily we were able to make it time.
For explanation purposes, we didn't get LEGALLY married in Singapore. We had the religious ceremony but no "government contracts" were involved. This is because, at that time at least, it was easier to bring over a fiancée than a wife, for some reason. So Lilly was a "90 Day Fiancée"!! We got married at the county courthouse when we finally were able to go to my new project. We didn't wait 90 days. We did in three (jet lag).
Unfortunately for her, we moved from Singapore, a 24 hour international class city, to a sleepy seaside town in the USA near a military base. Lots of fun was had with that. A total fish out of water story for another time (What is this "coin laundry"? Do you Americans have a place to wash your coins?).
My BIL got married to a beautiful girl and moved to Australia and opened a Bait and Tackle store in Surfer's Paradise on the east coast of Australia. He has 2 daughters. In 2012 he was caught cheating on his wife and lost everything. She moved back to Singapore with his kids, and he kind of struggled for a while. He got another bait and tackle store eventually and tries to see his daughters whenever he can. They don't have a good relationship.
Rich and Jimmy celebrated the decriminalization of homosexuality in Singapore in 2022, but they still can't get married. We still talk from time to time. Writing this, I find myself missing them. I had some really fun times because of them. I've never had better conversations in Singapore than with them while at Lilly's dress fittings (and my suit fittings).
We have been married for 21 years. She has never given up being a Singaporean citizen. She keeps her passport current. She's a "permanent resident" here in the USA. We have three kids, two boys and a girl. We are still married. She still wears her hair in a pony tail with a ball cap when she works out. She still wears that qipao on special occasions, which I try to achieve as often as possible. She's still my Baby and I'm still her Cranky Old Man.
Thanks for reading.

Hi guys ! Im a 24yr old female , who just recently ended my one year relationship primarily because of his lack of communication and repetition of the same behavior we have had multiple talks about.
But what he said right before we broke up had me feeling pretty upset. We “dated” for one year and during that time he NEVER even asked me to be his girlfriend. As a woman, we like these sort of gestures. Whenever I asked him about it he just blew me off until today he told me it’s because I never cooked for him. What do yall think ?
In my opinion , there are so many more redeemable qualities that make someone a good partner other than “cooking for them”. I did so much for him, I loved him hard, I looked out for him, always put him first, helped him with his communication issues and anger problems, comforted and consoled him, I bought him things when I could. Calmed him down when anxious or worried, gave life lessons and different tools and perspectives to help him succeed…And he never asked me out based off the things I did do and that hurt.
I was even willing to cook for him when we got our own place together. But not at that time in our lives. The reason why ? It’s because I didn’t see a point in me cooking for him because he was/still is living with his mother who cooked/cooks for him every day. Whenever I come and VISIT.. he still thinks I should be cooking. And I don’t think that’s right. Mainly bc I’m there visiting and why would I come visit and hop in his kitchen? I especially dont think it’s right for him to base an entire relationship on that when he couldn’t even communicate which is something that is way more important than cooking. We lived together for a couple months due to circumstances that forced me to exit my previous home. And during that time I made food —not that often but it was something. I was going through a rough time but that clearly didn’t matter to him. Then I eventually moved back home.
I feel that once he said that.. he was being really selfish. And he didn’t care abt anything else abt me. I have so many beautiful qualities I offered him and I just wanted to be asked out out of pure love. I’ve asked some other people and so far the responses I’ve gotten are in agreance to what my points/beliefs on this topic are, but what do you guys think? Thank you ALL.

Chapter-1
The Moment I First Saw Her
“People think relationships are easy, but when two people are in love, it is actually very tough to sustain a relationship.”
-Editor’s note
During the winter term, my school held a sports event that lasted for around four to five days. I know this seems short, but those four to five days changed my life, my values, my thoughts, and my feelings. It was the first time I saw a beautiful girl, and I was completely mesmerized. She walked past me, and I was frozen. I thought, "How can a girl be that awesome?" When she smiled, it was like the moon was smiling too. My moon had finally risen during those days.
This story is about a shy boy who doesn't talk much to anyone. His world revolves around mobile games, friends, and studying. Yes, that was my usual routine before I saw her.
As you can imagine, it's very challenging for a boy who doesn't talk to anyone and is also an introvert to go up and ask for her name. I was terrified she might tell the teacher, because I didn't know her nature. And unfortunately, I was right. You will find out how later, so keep reading.
I didn't have the courage to ask her name, so I decided to talk to my female friend. Yes, I have a female friend, and she is the only one who would do this for me because she is my brother’s girlfriend. It was seriously difficult to convince her to go and ask for the girl's name. Just see how much effort I put in just to know her name. Finally, she agreed, and I sat behind their group. Suddenly, my brother’s girlfriend stood up, went over, and asked for her name. I know this is very embarrassing, but what else could I do? I turned my face away. This is how I found out her name; to be honest, her name is as sweet as her smile.
After two months, I thought about her every day, but only one thing kept revolving in my mind: how to talk to her and approach her. I saw her friend group and realized that I knew one of the girls in her group. I hadn't talked to her before, but she was in my club. After the break, I gathered my courage and went to her, saying, “Actually, we haven’t talked much. What are you doing right now?” She said, “Nothing.” I was very nervous, but I continued, “Actually, I saw you around that girl I like during sports week.”
I thought she might take it the wrong way, but she was very supportive. She said, “Hey! You are an introvert, but it's important to talk to her because this matters in love if you truly love her. Just go and talk to her.” I replied, “I don’t have the guts to talk to her directly.” So she suggested I find her Facebook ID, send her a friend request, and start talking to her. This is the story of how my life changed. A shy boy started noticing everything, and his black-and-white life began to fill with color. Seriously! Love changes people when it is true and first.
----------------------------------------------------END--------------------------------------------------------

Hello everyone, i want to share my awful week with you. Sorry if my english is bad, its not my first language.
The thing is, last saturday i went on a date with some girl. We were in the mall talking and even went to see a movie, everything seems ok and i make sure she was comfortable, we ate some ice cream and later we say goodbye to each other and that was it. I thought "well this looks good with this girl i bet she wants to go out again!" but no. I texted her how she was, she don't even bother to answer after 7 hours, and i thought she was busy (it was sunday..) so yeah, no more text no more nothing and i felt kinda hurt because i don't know what i did wrong.
Yesterday in the school i helped some girl with a homework, later she says that a friend of her thinks i'm cute and want to meet me so i said "okey i want to know her", we were talking for some time me this girl and her friend, we laugh and share our interests and it seemed like a good time, we share our numbers and talked about to go out on a date and she agreed and that was it. When i came home i texted her trying to talk with her but she don't answer and i thought she was busy, after 6 hours later i texted her again and she don't even read the text (i ask her what was her surname because i forgot).
I'm a 18 years old tall guy ( 5'11), i go to the gym regularly i'm not big but i'm starting to look strong, i like to read roman stoic philosophy regularly, i don't fap since 3 months ago, i like to dress classic; i wrap my shirts and t shirts inside my pants, some leather belt and jeans/pants also i use glasses because of bad sight. I don't have many friends the ones i had were a bad bunch who like to get drunk every saturday so yeah. Things like this makes you cynical, sometimes i don't even want to wake up because of the loneliness. I see people on the street going around all happy but i'm the same lonely guy and it hurts.
I don't know, man. I did everything i was supposed to do and still fail. Any advice would be appreciated, i just wanted to get this out of my chest.

Hello, I figured I’d write about this—as I was very very nervous before my appointment.
Before my appointment, I took some ibuprofen and zofran.
I showed up to the clinic and my vitals were taken by a triage nurse. He asked me if I was sure I wanted an abortion as well as “Are you being forced into this?” He asked me if I had any concerns and I told him I was very nervous about pain and hearing things I didn’t want to hear. He said “Oh girl, we got some strong stuff here, you will be good.” He talked to me about fentanyl and I agreed that would be the route to take. We also discussed birth control. I just wanted to go back on progesterone only tablets since I’ve had a TBI and have auras.
I sat in a waiting room waiting for my ultrasound. I finally got called back and was asked to undress from the waist down. The nurse asked me if I wanted to know if there were multiples, if I wanted to see the screen, and if I wanted a print out of the ultrasound. I got a transvaginal ultrasound and was told I was 9 weeks and 4 days. I noticed my uterus didn’t look like it does on typical ultrasounds.
The nurse told me she was going to have the surgeon come in and look at my C-section scar. I sat in the room alone for about 10 minutes thinking about everything that was going on. I looked at the picture and apologized to the baby and asked it to come back to us when I’m in a better situation. I cried a little bit.
They did an ultrasound on my C-section scar to make sure the fetus was not embedded in my scar tissue and then she asked about the shape of my uterus. I forgot it was bicornuate. She did another transvaginal ultrasound again to “map out” where she was going to go during the procedure. She also asked permission to insert her fingers to feel where my cervix was located. The nurse took notes and I felt very taken care of. I voiced concern that the OB who did my C-section wanted me to mention with future surgeries that I am a bleeder and she said she would give me misoprostal to control the bleeding.
After the surgeon left, the nurse placed my IV and injected midazolam. She told me to keep the misoprostal tablets in my cheek for 30 minutes before swallowing them. They were a powder stuck to my teeth by then. Nurse also gave me promethazine, ibuprofen, and azithromycin and sent me back to the waiting room. I felt like I was going to throw up the entire time even though I had taken 2 different anti nausea medications.
I waited for about a hour. By then, I had about 3 cramps low in my uterus that were sharp and lasted for a literal second. I was called back and asked to empty my bladder and put on a pad. I came wearing period panties, so I didn’t do that step. I was taken to the room the surgery was going to happen in and I was asked to undress from the waist down again. When the nurse came back in, she put a blood pressure cuff on me and something to measure my oxygen/heart rate. I was wearing a giant Carhart jacket the entire time—very warm. She asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk about, if I was nervous about anything specific or if there were questions she could answer? I told her I was afraid of what I’d hear and it made me very very anxious. She comforted me and turned on some music and asked me if that made me comfortable? I said yes.
The surgeon came in and put fentanyl in my IV and asked me to scoot my bum to the edge of the table. I did that and she said she was going to begin. I didn’t feel anything she did, but she did narrate that she was touching my tissue to insert the suction device.
I felt a pressure for about 10-20 seconds that I did not like and the nurse saw me wince. She grabbed my hand and reassured me that I was safe and she was here with me. I don’t remember hearing anything. I didn’t feel any pain. The entire procedure was maybe 3 minutes long. The surgeon asked me if I wanted to see the tissue she removed and then brought it into the room and educated me on what everything was I was looking at. She left and then the nurse gave me something to wipe with and I put on my bottoms. When I stood up, I was dizzy and put my hand on the table I was sitting on to brace myself before sitting back down.
The nurse took me to the recovery room where I sat underneath a heating pad and blanket with a cold water and crackers for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes they asked me to empty my bladder again and asked how my bleeding was. There was no bleeding. They gave me the birth control we discussed back in triage and then released me.
It’s been 2 days and I’m still not bleeding. I guess that’s normal. The first evening, I had light cramping. I didn’t stay up on my ibuprofen like I should have, but I did take it and cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend under a heating pad. The next morning, I took my ibuprofen but didn’t feel cramping or any type of pain the entire day.
Right now I’m at the point where I’m grateful I decided to see the aftermath of the surgery because if I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes, I’d be wildly paranoid right now that they even did anything and that I’m probably still pregnant. No pain, no blood, nothing really…
Highly recommend attending therapy before and after the surgical appointment. I had 2 sessions with my psychiatrist and 4 sessions with my therapist before the appointment. Now I’m just waiting for my appointment on Monday to talk it out some more.
One thing that my therapist mentioned to me beforehand that helped was “Throwaway_wxyz, you keep giving me all these justifications for your decision in this matter, but the reality of it is that you don’t have to. The only thing you should ask yourself right now is, ‘Do I want to be pregnant?’ You’re being a lot harder on yourself than you need to be.”
I truly hope reading this helps someone else.

Hey everyone, I’m on the hunt for romance novels featuring heroines who are more on the quiet and mature side. I’m not really into the sassy, feisty, or snarky types. Instead, I’d love to read about women who are docile, calm, and composed. In some mafia books that I read recently the heroines were kidnapped and they were so mouthy and snarky with the hero and I was like this is not how a woman who is in a compromise situation (gun point) should talk to a man who identifies in charge of her life. So while she is feisty with him he supposedly falls in love with her. I know this is fiction but I’m looking for a heroine that is mature and composed but not an ice queen. I want her like evie from devil in winter (this is the most popular example that Ik). Btw that was just an example I’m not looking exactly for that exact situation. I have a lot of posts with this type but I want maybe some new books. I’m in a slump. If you know maybe unrequited love that fits this type (not maya alden or Susie Tate pls or cate c wells bc I’ve read them already).
If you know any books that fit this description, I’d really appreciate your recommendations! Thanks in advance!

Please tell me I'm expecting too much from something that never really started, before I talk to him about it. Sorry, in advance for the long post.
I (32 f) met him (28 m) online in the middle of April. We instantly clicked. Problem was/is that I'm in a long term (9 year) relationship. We have a lot of issues from anger, finances, (suspected) infidelity, spending very little time together, household responsibilities, ideas for the future, etc. But I was so jaded, I was just kind of... okay with going day by day dealing with all that shit and never really confronting it.
Then I meet this guy. And all of a sudden I remember "Wait... guys can be.. nice?" I never hid from him that I was in a relationship, how long it was, or what was going on in it. He asked me about it and I said I was okay if he wanted to stop talking - I genuinely was, after all, it had only been an hour or two by the time we got to this part if the conversation. He said no and that he wanted keep talking. That he "can wait." We talked more and more and I realized I can't stay in my relationship. However, it's not easy to leave a 9 year relationship when we are on the same lease, have shared bank accounts and when - even if we have our problems - there is still genuine love&care there, bacause it's nearly a decade of our lives together.
But I've already started quietly making moves. I set up my own bank account to save up more of my paycheck before depositing it into our joint account. I started looking up apartment options for him to check out (the apartment we rent out is the 2nd floor of my parents house) once things are over so he's not left with no clue where to start looking, (though I suspect he'll be to angry/upset to read the listings). I also realize I've been standing up for myself a bit more during our arguments and I didn't even mean to be doing that.
This guy I met online, I told him how I'm realizing I need to leave and I want to. We spoke about him being worried he'd make me leave such a long relationship, and I wouldn't like him when we met and regret leaving. I told him the truth, that even if he and I didn't make it, I still realize I need to end things in my current relationship. That even if he is the catalyst to my process of breaking up, I'm not necessarily breaking up with my boyfriend "for" him - and I really do mean this.
But I'd be lying if I said I don't hope he's in my future. I'm not the kind of person who goes online and tries to dm people and start private conversations. I don't go out and flirt with people. When people have flirted with me, it's always been easy to turn them away, ignore the messages, or block them when they got weird. He is different though. During 2nd conversation on the 2nd day since meeting, he said he could see himself developing real strong feelings for me. He asked that I simply promise him that if there are ever problems between him and I or if I am overwhelmed with my relationship and talking to him at the same time, that I please not ghost him, and that instead we just talk about it like adults. He said he had a terrible experience with someone ghosting him and he never wants to feel that again or do that to someone.
There's a 6 hour difference. We messaged every day for a couple weeks for maybe 3 hours. Then it became mostly in the evenings for about an hour. Now it's become a single 'How are you, hope you had a great day, sweetie <3' from him at his 11 pm - 1 am hour time zone, right before he falls asleep. I could message him 3 minutes later and not hear from him til the next day, where again, it would just be a similar "how are you" kind of message right before he falls asleep. Lately, there have been days I don't hear from him at all, even if I've messaged him.
I want to talk to him about it. Is that weird? Am I expecting too much from a guy who is 6 hours ahead of me and who I'm not even in a relationship with? Sometimes I feel like I am expecting too much. He has pretty stressful job and friends he hangs out with. Other times I feel like it really shouldn't be that hard to send a single message during his waking hours if he actually wanted to see how I was. I don't know. Someone please tell me I'm expecting too much. I have a whole message/letter written out, but haven't sent it because I don't know if I should. Sorry, again, for the long post.

Both desire to be a dominating force. The former in the world/workplace, the latter in the home and over childrearing. At first thought, one might picture a "trad" wife as meek, subservient, but these women if not already, develop into the "devouring" mother archetype. This dynamic is common in Southern and Eastern Europe and the Middle East. Father is the breadwinner, but the wife is really the one pulling the strings when it comes to the family and children. Think Livia Soprano. Think Big Fat Greek Wedding "the man is the head, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants." The Italian momma's boy is a stereotype for a reason. They tend to be either over the top macho womanizers or effeminate and closeted. Their fathers weren't in the picture enough to pass off a healthy masculinity. Seems to me, what is probably the healthiest dynamic is one where roles are blended and children get sufficient exposure to both their mother and father. For most of human history that was more the norm. Work from home is not a modern invention. Fathers usually worked in the home on the farm or as an artisan. Boys even at young ages would accompany their dad to work.
If a woman's whole identity is Mother, she'll struggle to ever give her children up. Who is she then? One strong check against becoming a devouring mother is having a loving and respectful relationship with your husband. If you're getting love and attention from him, you won't feel the incessant need to obtain it from your children. Another check is having a life outside of motherhood. If you're getting some fulfillment in other ways, you won't expect to get all fulfillment from raising children.
"This mother archetype tends to love selfishly, and not selflessly. Although this is done with the intention of protecting them from the ills and evils of the world, it often results in her children feeling suffocated or constrained".

Hello worldbuilders!
Lately I've been working on the 'History' section of my lore book for The Duchy of Nyrheim, and I came up with a method I really like and thought I'd share it with you. I got the idea while reading some Marvel comics -- I've been collecting the best runs of the 2000s (happy to take recs) and noticed something interesting. When dealing with a story that has roots in Marvel's past (or even if they are writing those past events for the story at hand), they will often start with a flashback simply titled "Then" before shifting to a scene in the present titled "Now". I haven't to imagine that part of why they do this is the sliding time scale. But something about the simplicity of it all really spoke to me.
When writing the history of the region, I wanted a way to separate the events that have happened long ago from those whose impacts are being felt strongly in the present. These terms have helped me get there. I'm a little generous with the term "now..." which I use to cover the past 400 years or so, you can obviously set whatever threshold you like. But you can use this to set up some pretty exciting stories -- Then: Isildur killed Sauron, Now: It's Bilbo Baggins' eleventy-first birthday. It also maybe characterizes what may inform what are the ruins, treasures, or dungeons of your setting and what are the everyday societies and cultures found in the urban environments.
One last thing I'll add, I always include how many years ago something was and not just the date. If you are making your own timeline, the dates may just look like vague numbers to readers/players. By telling them how long ago something was, it puts it in relative terms they are more ready to understand. You can even use this method and be pretty vague about dates if you aren't ready to lock a timeline hard in stone. One version I had prior to this just used headings like "About 400 years ago", but I'd never break it down in increments less than 100s of years.
Here's what I've got right now for my setting, happy to expand on any information or answer any questions in the comments below! What would be the highlights of the Then & Now of your settings?

Then...

Explore the origins of the region, from ancient fey dominions through epic conquests and the rule of Nyrheim's first dwarven dukes. This section covers events from The Dark Age that occurred across the lands that now make up the north of the Floren Kingdom.
FALL OF THE FEY
Over 2,600 Years Ago (100s BCE)... For thousands of years, Elyndel's northwestern lands (then called Faen'tir) were dominated by elven tribes with other fey and kobolds scattered throughout the region. Though most of their conflict was with unseelie, giants, and humans, there was also scarce political unity between the elves. The Old Antum Empire, however, emerged from a collection of human tribes in the south. At the dawn of thew millenium, the Emperor's legions attacked with iron and fire against the might and magic of the fey. This conflict, known at "The Feywars" forever tipped the scales of power in Elyndel.
RISE OF RAYONNÉ
Over 2,300 Years Ago (200s CE)... Rayonné, was founded under the influence of the Antum Empire and quickly became a crucial trade hub. Strategically located on an island within a major river, Rayonné's natural defenses and prime location facilitated its rapid growth, even though it wouldn't even become the capital of Floren for over 2,000 years. The Antum Empire invested heavily in the city's infrastructure, constructing grand structures such as an amphitheater, public baths, and majestic temples. They also encouraged migration to the new city by offering incentives such as land grants and tax breaks to new freemasons.
SINKING OF MYR
Over 2,000 Years Ago (500s CE)... To escape political strife and external threats, many elves of Westernor began to emigrate to Brynthal. They brought with them a revival of their fey culture and arcane wisdom, establishing a thriving community in the region. Off the coast they built Myr, a magnificent island city built protected by enchanted barriers. However a warlock's dark pact led to the city's destruction, sinking Myr and its inhabitants into the abyss. The island's ruins, now a haunting legend of the deep, are a lure to adventurers seeking its lost treasures and secrets.
SHADOWS IN THE WEST
Over 1,700 Years Ago (800s CE)... After ravaging eastern and central Elyndel, Grotar the "Scourge of Orcus" turned his focus westward. General Gaius Tullarix of Old Antum was tasked with defending the region against the invading Shadow Horde and its ogre warlord. Recognizing the threat, General Tullarix rallied a broad coalition of various tribes in the Empire to confront the invaders. They clashed near Véreluce in northeastern Floren, fighting fiercely for hours without yielding. However, faced with staunch resistance and severe casualties, the Shadow Horde retreated, forcing Grotar to forgo his aspirations of conquests in the west.
OUT OF THE EMPIRE
Over 1,400 Years Ago (1100s CE)... After the collapse of Old Antum, the region fell into chaos. Afterward, humans of the Floren tribe moved in from the east. The Fontainian family, under the leadership of King Tharic, united the disparate tribes and transformed the region into the formidable Floren kingdom. Following Thalric's death, the Fontainain dynasty faced internal strife and political fragmentation, as his successors struggled to maintain the unity he had forged. This period saw a kaleidoscope of petty kingdoms, each vying for power and influence. But despite these challenges, the Fontainians managed to preserve their hegemony for centuries.
UNDYING ALLEGIENCE
Over 1,100 Years Ago (1400s CE)... King Calixte I's death divided Floren again: Prince Calixte II inherited the north and Princess Sera the south. When Calixte II slew the dragon Jarghul, he drew the interest of a valkyrie who had come for the fallen. The while, Sera was murdered by her power-hungry husband. Seeking vengeance, Calixte II turned to necromancy, creating an army where fallen foes would serve him in death. The valkyrie, now known as The Wild Hunt, gifted him a spark of her power, and just when they seized the south, the gods imprisoned her for oath breaking. Calixte II was later killed by agents of his brother-in-law's mistress.
DIVINITY AND DYNASTY
Over 800 Years Ago (1700s CE)... The Loralian Dynasty in Floren has roots tracing back to Gaston Loralian I, a chief household officer to the Fontainian kings. The family gradually gained power as the royal family's influence waned (they were derogatorily dubbed as "do-nothing kings"). The critical shift occurred when Gaston III, with the support of the Pontifex, deposed the last Fontainian king. The church then crowned him as the king of Floren, establishing a precedent the divine right of kings, a principle that would heavily influence Elyndean politics thereafter. This coronation also ensured protection for the emergent Sacral-Antum Empire against invasions.
THE NORTHERN RAIDERS
Over 500 Years Ago (2000s CE)... At the turn of the millennium, dwarves of the north begin a campaign of large-scale raiding, colonizing, conquest, and trading along the northern shores of mainland Elyndel. To counter the raids, the Floren King Etienne I ceded the Cormorin Peninsula to the neighboring elven duchy of Brynthal in exchange for military aid. However, the elven magics faltered, and the dwarven berserkers further entrenched themselves as a new, formidable power in the region. Within a century, the raids shifted from a seasonal occurrence to a constant stream.

Now...

As the Age of Enlightenment dawned, the dwarves of settling in Nyrheim navigated the tides of Floren politics, forging alliances and asserting their influence across the north. The events that transpired during these transformative years have left an indelible mark on the region's history and people.
A DWARVEN DUCHY
410 Years Ago (2177 CE)... During the height of the dwarven raids, an ambitious dwarf named Rolf led a fleet into the heart of the Floren Kingdom. After a brutal but costly assault, Rolf attempted to flee from the Floren cavalry, but was unable to board his ships. Instead, he formed a defensive wall by slaughtering his army's livestock. The enemy charge halted as their horses were terrified by the sight and stench. Stuck in a stalemate, the Florens decided to negotiate with the dwarves. In exchange for peace, the King Etienne III ceded the lands from Roann to the north coast. Rolf was crowned as the duke and given the name “Lionheart” for his bravery.
THE QUEEN'S CAPTIVE
232 Years Ago (2355 CE)... After Duke Rolf's death, the Floren Queen Aveline II betrayed her predecessor's pact with the dwarves by confining Rolf's daughter, Eyma, in Rayonné and seizing the duchy's lands. This sparked a revolt among her supporters, who stormed Aveline's palace and demanded her freedom. Eventually Aveline, claiming she was teaching her courtly manners, reluctantly released her. A decade later, Eyma and her allies defeated Queen Aveline in battle. She held her hostage until she recognized her as Duchess of Nyrheim, restoring her rule over the duchy.
TREASURE AND TREACHERY
109 Years Ago (2478 CE)... Dwarven raids on Alwyndon resumed, with raiders crossing the northern channel to Nyrheim where they sold their plunder. Duchess Eyma, defying a treaty her father Duke Rolf had signed with High King Brady of Alwyndon, secretly provided sanctuary to these raiders. This breach of agreement provoked an Alwyndan military response. King Brady ordered an attack on the Cormorin Peninsula, demanding Eyma's capture and extradition. However, the Alwyndan forces were unprepared for the swift and fierce counterattack by the Nyrman cavalry, resulting in their complete and utter defeat.
A SUDDEN DEATH
88 Years Ago (2499 CE)... When Duchess Eyma died, her daughter Ylvana took power and immediately implemented harsh reforms to solidify her authority, cloaked as measures to strengthen the duchy. Appalled by her tyranny, her younger brother Harek attempted a rebellion but failed. Ylvana captured him and in a show of "mercy", publicly amputated his left hand before forcing him to reaffirm his loyalty. Soon after returning to Roann, Ylvana met a mysterious sudden death, rumored to be from poisoning — suspicions fell on disgruntled nobles, her advisors, or even Harek. Ultimately viewed as a martyr, Harek ascended to the ducal throne, stabilizing the region.
FLIGHT FROM ALWYNDON
62 Years Ago (2525 CE)... Duke Harek orchestrated a major trade pact with Alwyndon, marrying his younger sister Marnyl to the King Adalwulf of Kelden. Out of these new bonds, the Maritime Freight Guild was born, which proved its worth a decade later when Sven "Stormcloak" and his forces invaded Kelden. As the situation deteriorated, Queen Marnyl and her family escaped on the last trade ships out of the country. In Nyrheim, they remained under Duke Harek's protection. When the King eventually passed, Marnyl was stationed as the Countess of Roann. There, she raised her sons in a noble court and prepared them for leadership.
THE DUKE'S BASTARD
34 Years Ago (2548 CE)... During one of his sojourns, Duke Harek was ensnared in a passionate affair. Though fleeting, the liaison bore fruit in the form of an illegitimate son—Waldron. The identity of his mother has been the subject of much speculation, but her identity remains unknown. Meanwhile, Waldron grew up amidst speculative whispers and the weight of expectation. The duke's court, a place where honor and lineage are held in the highest regard, viewed him with a mixture of curiosity and disdain. Yet, Duke Harek, with a defiance that had characterized his reign, acknowledged Waldron as his son and sole heir.
ERRS IN SUCCESSION
17 Years Ago (2570 CE)... In Floren, Prince Etienne V joined forces with his younger brother Adnot and their mother in a revolt against his father, the reigning king. However, following the king's demise, Queen Urilla shifted her support to Adnot as the rightful heir, leaving Etienne V to contend with his rebel sibling and a divided kingdom. Seeking support, Etienne turned to Nyrheim and found an ally in Duke Harek. Grateful for the duke's aid during this turbulent period, the newly established King Etienne V rewarded Harek with the counties of Martovia and Vinmoria, strengthening the bonds between Nyrheim and the Floren crown.
PRINCES OF THE PENTARCHY
This Year (2587 CE)... With the full might of his navy, Duke Harek launched an invasion of Kelden, aiming to restore the now elderly princes to their throne. Tragically, Prince Adalwulf II was captured by an earl in his kingdom. In a cruel act intended to disqualify him from kingship, Finnian brutally blinded him with red-hot pokers -- the prince later died from his grievous injuries. In the wake of this tragedy, Prince Edmund, rallied the thegns of Alwyndon and defeated Sven Stormcloak's forces with the crucial support of Duke Harek. Their victory led to the the reestablishment of the five kingdoms under the Alwyndan Pentarchy.

Hello, thanks for all the helpful fb so far.
1.I have reverted to my prev title, given the (very funny) commentary on UNICORNS (even worse wrt ya'll having threeway action/bisxuality evoked is... my MC is bi! No threeway action in this one, but hey, maybe that's the idea I needed to crank out a sequel... )

1. As per prev fb, I've got more in here wrt to Adam. I'm trying to get at him being a being 1. super driven 2. cary being a bit uncertain about him because of image vs. reality 3. that she's totally into him no matter what she says-- and that he IS diffo in private-- that there is a there, there. (is that working?)
   
2. BUT I'm worried this is reading a little too much like a Romance ATP-- there is a strong love story element but it ends with Cary and her work-- not with their reunion. The book is about her creative re-discovery, albeit prompted by her affair w Adam. Maybe I take out "the Idea of you" comp?
   

Any and all other feedback super welcome, of course.
***** Dear Agent,
I like you because [customization TK]-.
From struggling to write a single song to long hours in the studio to The Tonight Show, The Hotel Bel Air, red carpets, Cape Cod hideaways and ceramic dildos (yes really), GETTING READY (85k, Upmarket/Women’s Fiction) is a funny, gossipy novel about self-discovery and creative renewal set deep within the pop music industry. Readers who enjoyed Curits Sittenfeld’s Romantic Comedy, Robinne Lee’s The Idea of You, or HBO’s Starstruck will love GETTING READY.
Songwriteproduceformer one-hit-wonder Cary Mitchell once dreamed of critical acclaim and #1 hits–but the higher you soar, the harder you fall. These days, she’s happily settled for having mid-list Top 40 success down to a science, instead. Besides, phoning it in leaves her with more time for letting it all hang out: her friends, partying, vacation…
Something unexpected happens when she’s brought in to write a song for her former protege, rising pop star Adam King. The first song’s very mid; the second’s too generic… but the third is a definite hit, the kind of song people spend years waiting to write. Suddenly song after song is flowing out of her, like she’s inspired or something. Soon enough, Cary’s executive-producing Adam’s make-or-break third album.
Just as Cary’s building up the courage to explore her new-found creativity, her bonus-track duet with Adam goes social media supernova. Now instead of logging long hours in the studio, she’s juggling gossip columnists digging into her teenage indiscretions, blogspherists questioning her authenticity, frenemies trumping her chart moves, rabidly entitled stans stalkerazzi’ing her every breath. Complicating everything? The situationship she’s fallen into with Adam.
Adam, who’s just always relentlessly, perfectly on. Thirst trap posting first thing in the morning, green juice permanently in hand, panty-dropping smile beaming 24/7. Adam, who spends endless hours making music with her, pushing her to dream bigger, bolder. Adam, who never takes his eyes off the super-stardom prize. That Adam.

OLD: https://www.reddit.com/PubTips/comments/1cz1txc/qcrit_unicorns_85k_womens_fiction_adult_fourth_ql/

Hello everyone, GrimaIsBestWaifu here. As you might know, I am a massive fan of Book IV and its characters. Today marks around four years since I officially came around to Book IV after initially being a hater. Needless to say, as a Book IV nerd and enthusiast, I secured a copy of FEH's second art book at the first opportunity in order to further immerse myself in my passion. While it's an illustrations book first and foremost, I found the most value in the sections that went into detail about the lore, story, and characters of Books IV and V (but mostly IV, heh).
As of today, there is no official English version of this book, so non-Japanese readers are limited in how much information they can glean from it. This is a tragedy I can't abide, being heavily invested in FEH's story and wanting others to be able to appreciate it too, despite its flaws. There is also a decent chance that some information contained in this book will be changed or omitted in the official English version, so in that event I hope this might serve as an attestation to the "original" version. In this post, I intend to go over the section that describes the events that take place in Book IV's story. To see my translation of the section of the art book that expounds on Book IV's lore and characters, go here.
Disclaimer: I am not a native Japanese speaker, nor am I fluent in the language. English and Japanese are very different languages, so I will do my best to make things flow nicely in English while retaining as much of the original meaning as possible. Italicized text indicates my own speech, words that do not come from the book. The book's story recap is also told in past tense, but I use present tense in my translation here because I think it flows better and is easier to understand.
Chapter 1: The Dream One day, Alfonse and the others are summoned by Queen Henriette. According to her, an inexplicable incident has occurred in one of Askr's border villages in the wheat country where all its residents have fallen asleep. All efforts have been exhausted in attempting to save the sleeping villagers, who appear to be having nightmares, but none awaken. Henriette tasks them with investigating the sleep sickness there. The Order of Heroes complies, and after entrusting them with the Redolent Censer, she sends them off to the village with a smile. On the way to the village, Loki appears before the party and speaks in a way suggesting she may know something about the sleep sickness. It's possible she is planning something yet again...Alfonse and the others cautiously forge ahead.
As the Redolent Censer continuously burns with poison-nullifying incense, they arrive near the village. Sharena feels at ease and expresses gratitude towards her mother, who gave them the treasure in order to protect them. But in that moment of relaxation, she lets out a big yawn. Anna scolds her before stifling a yawn herself. Upon noticing this, Alfonse and Kiran are also beset by a fierce drowsiness, rendering them incapable of standing. By the time they realize the censer is ineffectual, it's already too late, and they are unable to resist closing their eyes...
Alfonse is with Henriette, along with Zacharias and Veronica. He is confused due to only having vague memories about why they are on a mission together. Suddenly, Zacharias attacks Henriette and corners Alfonse alongside Veronica.
Then, a girl abruptly appears and envelops the surrounding area in a dazzling light by reciting an incantation and prayer, causing Zacharias and Veronica to disappear. As Alfonse is yet again confused by the situation, the girl smiles brightly and says, "I'm Peony! I'm a ljósálfr—or light elf, you might say. I'm from the land of dreams, Ljósálfheimr." (This quote is transcribed from the official ENG script and is not a direct translation of the book's text, which uses the JP quote)
Chapter 2: Missing You (JP: One Person, Missing) The dream realm, álfar... Peony puffs out her cheeks when Alfonse cannot believe his ears. They regroup with Sharena and Anna, but Kiran is nowhere to be found. Even after following Peony's advice and trying to bend the dream world to their wishes, Kiran remains missing. Peony guides the party in their search for Kiran, claiming that the Dream-King Freyr could help.
While on the move, they fight off soldiers of nightmares, who are born from the fears of mortals and take on the forms of Heroes. Sharena also speaks with Peony about possibly having met before somewhere in the distant past. Peony responds that it might have been in a dream, and the two smile at one another, since they are quite similar and it appears they will get along well.
There a girl appears with black wings fluttering. She turns out to be Triandra, the Nightmare. As a dökkálfr from the realm of dark dreams, she is giving mortals nightmares under her liege's orders. Alfonse and the others confront Triandra when she tries to erase (In JP, the word for "erase"/"extinguish" is frequently used in place of "kill" when pertaining to the álfar) Peony. Triandra withdraws after being put at a disadvantage, stating that she won't give up.
Peony leads the group to a location with a large bed(s). Sleeping in a dream is the way to gain an audience with the Dream-King, so Sharena and Anna fall asleep. Before following their lead, Alfonse notices that he can't remember his childhood very well. Though that disquiets him, he nevertheless trusts Peony and closes his eyes. Peony is overjoyed at their faith in her as she watches them.
(In the ENG version, Sharena mentions that there are "many" beds, but the JP version doesn't make any indication of their number. Due to the fact that this art book previously mentions THREE adults being able to fit on one, it's possible that Alfonse, Sharena, and Anna all slept on it at the same time and that there is only one. However, the possibility that there are multiple of them remains open)
Chapter 3: Gullinkambi (JP: Horn of Gullinkambi) Alfonse and the others arrive in the realm of fantasy, the dream within the dream, by Peony's invitation. There stands Dream-King Freyr, who gives Alfonse the horn Gullinkambi. By remembering one's self from before falling asleep, wishing to return to the waking world, and blowing the horn, Alfonse and his party, along with the wheat country village's residents, can awaken. However, Freyr continues, stating that they must first drive back the two dökkálfar who have invaded Ljósálfheimr and are showing mortals nightmares. While offering his thanks, Alfonse asks about Kiran's whereabouts. However, even though he should know everything about the dream world, Freyr does not know where Kiran is, them being one who exists outside of the world's reason. He advises them that should they blow the horn, Kiran will also awaken. Thus, the party wakes up from the dream within the dream in order to begin their march and fight the dökkálfar.
The group traverses the dream realm following Peony's lead. Suddenly, Kiran appears before them. Though Alfonse and the others are relieved to see them, they halt in their tracks upon spotting who was next to them. "I am Plumeria, the dökkálfr of lewd dreams." (Again from ENG script)
Plumeria attacks the group along with nightmare soldiers that take the forms of Heroes from "Genealogy of the Holy War". Alfonse and the others fight them off, but Kiran also withdraws as if accompanying Plumeria. Peony states that this is because Kiran has been trapped by the dökkálfar's nightmares. Alfonse clenches his fist tightly, swearing to get Kiran back.
Chapter 4: On Dark Wings (JP: The Fluttering of Black Wings) The two dökkálfar show nightmares to mortals in Ljósálfheimr under their liege Freyja's orders. While Plumeria makes her disdain towards humans known, Triandra shows signs of concern towards Peony, who is her opposite in role.
The party continues traveling across Ljósálfheimr by following Peony's slightly dubious directions in pursuit of the dökkálfar. Anna and Alfonse can't wrap their heads around the actions they take in the dream world that would be illogical in reality. Suddenly, Sharena's gaze falls on a certain field of flowers. She says she remembers playing with girls her age in a flower field in a dream. She also remembers there being a girl similar to Peony, but Peony herself doesn't seem to recall this.
The party arrives at the Dream Gate, where the dökkálfar along with soldiers of nightmares lie in wait. They take up their weapons and repel the dökkálfar, after which Peony prompts Alfonse to blow the horn. Then, a crestfallen Peony bids them farewell, stating that they will forget about álfar like her, but that she will always watch over them, and she gives them a smile. Alfonse and the others close their eyes, trusting that they will meet again in a dream someday.
As the sound of the horn reaches Freyr's ears, his sister Freyja appears before him. Her true objective is to take her brother to Dökkálfheimr, over which she rules, while he is defenseless after handing off the horn. Were the Dream-King to leave Ljósálfheimr, order would be disrupted and nightmares would begin to flow into the mortal world and become reality. Freyja burns with jealousy upon witnessing her brother worry over the humans. Thinking to recompense them for stealing her brother's heart, her smile widens.
Chapter 5: Twisted Reality (JP: Distorting World) Alfonse wakes up to the smell of incense. Apparently, contrary to how much time they'd perceived, only a moment has passed in reality. While the other members of the Order confirm that everyone is fine, Alfonse notices that Kiran is missing. But strangely, Sharena and Anna cock their heads when he says Kiran's name. "The summoner of legend was called Kiran, right?" (ENG)
Alfonse is shocked when it doesn't appear to be in jest, based on Anna's tone of voice. Just then, an earth-splitting laugh rings out. The party prepares for combat, only to find that there stood Surtr, the king of Múspell who should've in the past been defeated. Though shocked, Alfonse faces off against Surtr, who ends up vanishing like the Zacharias and Veronica from in the dream. As the villagers awaken, unidentified troops are reported to have appeared in various places. Alfonse heightens his vigilance, suspecting that nightmares are manifesting in reality, as the group moves to eliminate those forces.
Though Sharena really can't remember Kiran, her gaze wavers from a profound sadness welling up inside. Alfonse cheers up his sister by swearing to do something about the situation. If nightmares can be defeated in the dream, they can be defeated in reality... Under this presumption, the Order marches on and discovers Peony being attacked. After rescuing her, she successfully uses her power to make Sharena and the others recall their lost memories. Then, Peony informs them that nightmares have been able to flood into the real world because Freyr has been taken to Dökkálfheimr, the nightmare realm.
Chapter 6: Dreaming Reality (JP: Dreams in Reality, Reality in Dreams) According to Peony, Freyr's sister Freyja is in Dökkálfheimr, and because they are in the same place simultaneously, the "Waking Dream" is allowing nightmares to spill into reality. In order to put a stop to the Waking Dream, the group searches for a ljósálfr who lives in a misty forest...Mirabilis, the Daydream. On their way to the forest, they encounter the real Veronica. After finding out about the situation and what the Order's objective is, Veronica states that she will come along. She says this is because she heard that her brother, Bruno (Zacharias), and Xander have returned from their travels and are now in the misty forest.
After the party arrives at the forest, they split up in search for Zacharias, Xander, and Mirabilis. Parting ways with Sharena and the others, Alfonse and Veronica venture deep into the forest and find the former two. Veronica smiles upon being reunited with her brother after such a long time apart, but her shoulders slump when she hears that he and Xander must soon leave again. She faintly smiles again when Zacharias invites her to join them, stating that he doesn't want to make her feel lonely anymore. Seeing this, Alfonse asks Zacharias if they could work together to fend off the nightmares. Apprehensively, he agrees, to which Alfonse continues. "...Thank you. As I thought, you aren't really Zacharias. [...] You said something you shouldn't already know." (This quote is a translation of the JP, since I feel the ENG line doesn't fit as nicely in this context)
At this, Zacharias and Xander's attitudes change. After repelling their assault, Veronica declares her cooperation with the Order. She then urges Alfonse to tell her about his memories of being with Zacharias. However, he realizes that he cannot remember anything from long ago for some reason.
Chapter 7: Steeped in Twilight The Order of Heroes realizes the severity of the situation that has befallen them after hearing that nightmares have reportedly been appearing unceasingly across Askr. They head deeper into the forest in search of Mirabilis so they can go to Dökkálfheimr, save Freyr, and eliminate his captors. After the scenery becomes blurry for a moment, Peony searches the surrounding area and happens upon Mirabilis. She rubs her eyes, appearing to be sound asleep. Peony pleads with her, wanting to get to Dökkálfheimr by way of Mirabilis' daydream powers. Just then, Triandra appears, the dökkálfar having also invaded the real world. She creates a nightmare embodiment of Hel, ruler of death. After defeating it, with Mirabilis in tow, the group departs in the direction of the point of twilight, which is close to Dökkálfheimr. Along the way, Sharena is bothered by a feeling that she has also met Mirabilis in a dream in the past. She believes that she, Peony, Mirabilis, and two other girls did something important together.
Eventually, they arrive at the point of twilight. It seems that here, they can cross into the nightmare realm by being given a "particularly scary daydream" by Mirabilis when day gives way to night. However, Triandra attacks them once more. Soldiers of nightmares come at them without end as they are surrounded by the sea with nowhere to run. Veronica calms the others down as they panic, stating that she will handle their pursuers on her own while they go on ahead. The last time they were in the dream world, only a moment passed in reality. Because of this, Alfonse and the others believe they will make it in time, so they close their eyes and make their way to the nightmare realm.
Chapter 8: Wallowing in Love (JP: Drowning in a Dream of Love) The group ventures into Dökkálfheimr. They are quickly met with Plumeria, who mystifies them with a bewitching sweet scent, but they somehow manage to fend off her attack. While in pursuit of a retreating Plumeria, Alfonse hears the voice of a sad young girl. However, he doesn't know whose voice it is, and the group marches on.
After catching the gentle scent of flowers whose fragrance is different from that of Plumeria's nectar smell, Sharena mentions that she remembers it. She claims it's the smell of the flower field in which she played with the other girls in her dreams. She then recalls swapping hairstyles and clothes with one of the girls who greatly resembled her, and even going to each other's homes. Anna is startled, thinking this sounds like a "changeling". As Anna explains how changelings are álfar who switch places with human children, Sharena listens with an absentminded countenance.
Plumeria again stands in the party's way, accompanied by nightmare soldiers modelled after Heroes from the "Awakening Outrealms", as they hurry to Freyr's side. However, the Order emerges victorious once again and goes on ahead. While wounded in her defeat, Plumeria hears the voice of a young girl crying for her mother, which she remembers. There, Freyja appears and grants her strength, healing her. After rising to her feet, Plumeria asks if she was a mortal before Freyja gave her life as an álfr. Freyja's expression clouds over, and she tells Plumeria that her father didn't love her or her mother, so he abandoned them. And because her daughter interfered with her desire to be with another man she loved, Plumeria's mother threw her into the bottom of a well and left her there.
By Freyja's words, Plumeria was a child nobody loved. But now, after drinking the nectar and becoming an álfr, she should just forget about that past. Her voice filled with compassion as she speaks, Freyja gives Plumeria a smile.
Chapter 9: Violent Fantasies (JP: Dream of Killing Someone) (Curiously, the recap begins with the events of Chapter 9 - 3, skipping over the first confrontation with Triandra in this chapter)
The queen of nightmares, Freyja, has abducted her beloved brother Freyr to her realm. With an ecstatic expression, Freyja declares that they shall fill the mortal world with their dreams. Freyr is dismayed, lamenting that Freyja originally didn't wish for the destruction of humans and that the two of them have already succumbed to ruin. He regrets turning human girls into álfar in order to drive back the disaster that befell the dream world in the past, when mortals gave up their dreams. Burning with jealousy over his constant concern for mortals, Freyja clenches a certain necklace.
Alfonse and the others rush to rescue Freyr, defeating Triandra, who stands in their way. As she stands up, saying that she can't yet afford to disappear (In a similar vein to what was mentioned above, the word for "disappear" is often used instead of "die" when pertaining to the álfar in JP), memories of her mortal past also pile up in her mind. Freyja appears before her, telling her that she and her younger sister were viciously abused by their non-blood related father. To protect her sister, who was in danger of losing her life, Triandra killed their father. Freyja assures her that she is not to fret over this, since she only did what she could. To this, Triandra quietly responds that she is alright.
Alfonse and the others finally reach Freyr. However, he has come under the curse of the necklace Brísingamen, and all of his dream powers have become Freyja's. With both of their powers in her grasp, Freyja has become the ruler over all dreams and is now able to freely control the dream world and bend reality itself to her whim. None are able to oppose her... Helpless against the unrelenting onslaught of Freyja's replicas and nightmare soldiers from all directions, the group falls back. However, the path leading back to Veronica has entirely vanished. "There is no way for you to survive. Taste despair in your attempts to escape." The nightmare queen sneers at them, exceedingly beautiful, (This line was very awkward to translate, I am sorry)
(To my knowledge, the quote used above doesn't actually appear anywhere in the Japanese script. It seems to just be a concise rephrasing of Freyja's dialogue at the end of the chapter)
Chapter 10: Lack (JP: Loss) The Order takes Freyr with them as they continue to flee. According to him, so long as Freyja is the ruler over all dreams, they can neither escape nor subjugate her. Even so, not wanting to give up, the group thinks of a plan. Just then, Freyr begins to tell of his and Freyja's past piece by piece. As a child, Freyja was always crying from being mocked by everyone over having a mark on her face. Freyr would steadfastly comfort his sister, who came to only smile for him. Then, she stated that she wanted to join herself to someone compassionate like Freyr when she grew older. She eventually matured to become beautiful, but didn't accept anyone's affections.
Sharena reassures Freyr along the way, to which Freyr confesses that the dream world once teetered at the brink of ruin. The only ones who could prevent the destruction of the dream world and save the hearts of mortals were children from the real world. But children who partake of dream nectar can no longer return to their world... Because of this, Freyr thought that perhaps if the children were in unfortunate circumstances, they would be happy to become special versions of themselves. He sacrificed innocent children in order to save the world even knowing it was sinful. After this, Freyr falls silent.
Their withdrawal fruitless, Freyja once again corners the Order of Heroes. Though she mocks them over their futile efforts, Freyr states that there is one way for them to escape.
"Freyja's power is the sum of our combined strengths... Therefore, one of us must be shed..." (ENG)
Freyr petitions the Order and offers himself up to them. Discerning his meaning, as Freyr can no longer manage to end his own life due to Freyja's control, Alfonse and the others cut him down.
Freyja cries out as she asks Freyr if mortals really are so precious to him that he would throw his life away for their sake. However, Freyr responds that nothing is more important to him than she is. It is because he loves her that he doesn't want to see her destroy the mortals, which is why he should disappear. Leaving her with those words, Freyr bids his sister farewell.
Freyja wails in sorrow and despair at the loss of her most beloved brother, after which she vanishes to some other location, bringing the dökkálfar with her. Due to Freyr's demise, dreams stop distorting reality. Now, they must wake up and return to their world. To grant Freyr's final wish, and to reunite with the missing Kiran...Alfonse and the others press onward.
Chapter 11: Plumeria's Dream (JP: Plumeria the Lewd Dream) The Order wakes up the the sound of Veronica's voice calling out to them. Just when they begin to relax, thinking everything is back to normal, Freyja appears before them. Chaos unfolds as everyone wonders how that can be, when nightmares shouldn't be able to encroach on reality anymore... The group is once again forced to engage in combat as they retreat. Freyja then tells them about the álfar's past as if to mock them. The álfar were originally human children who played together, who were called to the dream world in order to save it. She also describes how Mirabilis was a child who was abandoned by her mother after she was born. Finally, she tells of how among those children, the only one who didn't become an álfr was Sharena. Enveloped in Freyja's light, Sharena suddenly clutches her head in pain and faints.
After regaining consciousness at a boulder to which the group retreated, Sharena tells Alfonse that she now vividly recalls what happened in the world of dreams. "We wanted to save the world... Only...I stayed behind..." (ENG, but for curiosity's sake, the JP line goes "Only I wasn't able to become a hero...even though we said we'd save the world together...", which I think hits harder)
Sharena profusely apologizes with tears spilling from her eyes, saying that she might not really be Alfonse's sister. That she would play changelings with a girl who looked just like her, and that they would genuinely trade places upon waking. That she has memories of the small, run-down house in which the girl she'd exchange places with lived. That she might just be an ordinary child who swapped places with Princess Sharena in the dream world. And that as a consequence, the real Princess Sharena wasn't able to return home... Sharena appears discomposed as she suddenly recalls so many memories. Alfonse soothes her, saying that her memories of that house must have come from when she'd wake up as the other child.
Desiring to have them suffer like her after losing her brother, Freyja sends Plumeria after the group so the álfar will be made to kill each other. Plumeria follows her commands without saying a word and stands in the way of Alfonse and the others. She attacks them while looking like she is in tears...saying that she doesn't need reality, and that she wants to be in a dream forever. The party cannot hope to survive without fighting back so long as she continues to target them. Thus Alfonse and the others deal the final blow against Plumeria through their heartbreak. She grasps at the air and cries out for her mother over and over again like a small child as her body disintegrates. (I already felt really bad playing this story chapter in-game, but having this description makes it even worse...ow, my heart)
Even with Plumeria's defeat, the nightmares' assault does not relent. How can this be, when the Waking Dream shouldn't be able to occur with King Freyr dead? After assessing and reflecting on the situation one more time, Alfonse finally formulates an answer. "This has all been a dream... From the very beginning... Everything. All of it." (ENG)
They have been in a dream since the time they heard about the sleep sickness from Queen Henriette. If this is a dream, they should be able to return to reality this time if they blow the horn Gullinkambi in front of the Dream Gate. Alfonse marches on determinedly.
The Order takes a rest on the way to the Dream Gate. At their base, Anna reports to Alfonse about Sharena's condition after having stayed with her for a while. Afterwards, she begins to make small talk about a dream she had a little while ago about being a squirrel. She comments on how strange it is that she was convinced she was a squirrel in the dream, even though she isn't one... At this, Alfonse feels as though he is catching onto something.
Chapter 12: Triandra's Dream (JP: Triandra the Nightmare) Alfonse witnesses a daydream during the group's respite. A dream of the World of Steel, with towers stretching up high enough to pierce the skies. Peony calls it a grey world where people have forgotten how to dream. To make the álfar kill each other, Freyja sends out Triandra again. However, Freyja ponders why Plumeria and Triandra obey her orders without regard for how they are effectively being used and discarded. She asks Triandra why they would go so far as to throw their lives away in service to her. Triandra responds that she and Plumeria adore her, and that perhaps it is because mortals want to help those they care about even if they get nothing in return. Freyja shakes her head at this, being a god who doesn't understand this sentiment. She watches with a conflicted look in her eyes as Triandra departs.
Alfonse and the others fend off the advancing nightmares on their way to the Dream Gate. They are met with Triandra standing in their path, and upon seeing her, Peony's expression changes. Triandra speaks of how she could not forgive herself for being powerless to protect her younger sister as a mortal. Her dream was to obtain the power she desired in order to strike down those who would do evil. After she loses against the Order and collapses to the ground, having lost her power, she gazes at Peony and apologizes to her.
"Forgive me... I wanted to keep you safe just...a while longer..." (ENG) "...S-sister..." (ENG)
As Peony's words sorrowfully fall from her lips, Triandra's body disintegrates.
Led by Mirabilis, the group arrives before the Dream Gate at last. Following Freyr's instructions to "[p]icture the world outside the dream, and wish to return," (ENG) Alfonse sounds the horn, but for some reason, nothing happens. Alfonse goes over his thoughts once more, trying to figure out if there is something wrong with his thought process. Then, he remembers what Anna said a little while earlier. "If what I suspect is true...then the life I remember before the dream...is not my life at all..." (ENG)
Just then, Kiran appears before the Order. Alfonse is elated upon their reunion, but Kiran appears to be under the control of nightmares. With the help of Veronica and the others, he manages to render Kiran unconscious without killing them. By Peony's suggestion, they remove the hood that conceals their face. Under the hood of the collapsed Kiran...was unmistakably Alfonse's face.
Alfonse's suspicion is then confirmed. The reason why he couldn't recall his memories with Zacharias, and why he dreamed about the World of Steel, is because his past with Zacharias doesn't exist and the World of Steel is where he truly hails from.
"I am not Alfonse. [...] My name...is Kiran!" (ENG)
When they remember their true self, Freyja appears and tells them that they are having this dream because they wished for it. That Alfaðör, creator of all things, decided that Alfonse should no longer exist after he defeated Hel, sovereign of death. The Creator's will always comes to pass, and thus the real Alfonse is dead, so Freyja says.
Chapter 13: Reality Freyja continues, saying that Kiran gave form to this world and took on Alfonse's role out of grief over his loss. She claims that because Kiran is one who exists outside of the world's reason, if they combine efforts with Freyja, they could make the dream persist forever and have all their wishes come true. However, she declares that should Kiran choose reality, they will wake up in a world without Alfonse, and that she will use her power to take the lives of all of the álfar. With that, she disappears.
Peony states that because Freyja's nightmare powers still cover the area, they will be unable to use the horn. Even the álfar do not know if Freyja's pronouncement of Alfonse's death is the truth or a lie. A painful reality may await them... Holding onto that sense of unease, Kiran and the others head in Freyja's direction.
"Peony... My best friend, who I played with in the flower garden... That was you, wasn't it?" (ENG)
Sharena speaks with Peony, positing that Peony had switched places with her and drank her share of nectar because she knew there would be no going back to being human. Even so, Peony smiles, saying that making people happy was her own happiness. That neither of them know who was who originally, and that they are both each other, like two halves of a whole. If they defeat Freyja and return to reality, Peony and the other álfar will in turn be erased and the Order will forget about the dream. Sharena sobs over not wanting to lose a friend again. At this, Peony gives her a ring made of flowers. (It's a "chain" in ENG, but in JP it's described as a "指輪", as in a ring you put on your finger)
"[Even] if we do forget, that does not undo everything that's happened. [...] But if...if there's some way you can remember me, then maybe we can meet again someday, somehow..." (ENG)
Sharena and Peony join hands and nestle up close to one another as if in prayer.
On the other hand, Freyja's heart is swayed by emotions she cannot comprehend. Unconsciously, she begins to speak to Triandra and Plumeria, but both of them have disappeared in carrying out her orders. Though she insists that only her brother matters to her, as though trying to convince herself of it, her expression gradually clouds over. Kiran and the others eventually reach Freyja, and after defeating nightmare soldiers that appear one after another, Freyja herself finally falls as well. She disappears, leaving them with the proclamation that she will use all of her remaining power to erase everything about the álfar from existence.
The end of the dream draws near. The sound of the horn reverberates through the dream world. As she expresses her gratitude, Peony's form grows faint.
Kiran awakens to a voice calling their name, which turns out to be Alfonse's. He tells them that they, along with everyone else, had fallen asleep for three days and nights. Sharena seems to not remember anything and smiles as though nothing had happened. However, during their mission, Sharena discovers that she is wearing a flower ring on her hand. She is perplexed by this and clutches her chest, suddenly feeling like her heart is being torn apart. Then, someone claiming to be Sharena's childhood friend comes for a visit. Upon laying eyes on the person in question, her eyes tear up.
"Good morning, everyone! I'm Peony! I'm a ljósálfr—or light elf, you might say. I'm from the land of dreams, Ljósálfheimr." (ENG)
In Dökkálfheimr, Triandra and Plumeria, who should have disappeared, open their eyes. Before them stands Freyja, who tells them that they have no need to obey her any longer. Freyja's life fades away, having lost most of her power in reviving Triandra and Plumeria instead of erasing the álfar. She herself doesn't know why she did so even though she doesn't love anyone except her brother. In spite of this, she gave up her life for the sake of others, just like her brother had laid down his life for the mortals he so loved. Triandra and Plumeria vow to find a way to revive Freyja. The children weep as they grasp Freyja's hands, to which Freyja says that she truly cannot understand. Even so, she responds that she is happy and smiles gently.
And thus concludes the story of Book IV, neatly summarized as presented in the art book. I apologize for any inaccuracies in my translations and any confusion they might cause. This was an intensive passion project born from my love for Book IV, and I hope those who took the time to read this very long post found some enjoyment out of it. I would love to hear your thoughts, so please do share them if you so wish! I very much enjoy discussion about everything Book IV. Also let me know if there is any other material you'd like for me to translate, and I might make an attempt in the future. Thank you for reading!

My fellow gamers, for too long has our community suffered the indignation of an intolerable culture that has denigrated, besmirched, exploited, and has outright demonized our culture of unique individuals with a genuine love of a hobby that they see as profitable and progressive. They have taken beloved IP’s (Intellectual Properties) and twisted them into their own personal ideological crusade of undermining and humiliating the core aspects of characters they deemed as “Toxic” or “White Supremacy”. Through the guise and protection of DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusivity) & ESG (Environmental, Social, and Governance) they have used our influence in the entertainment industry to push their narratives and agendas that have stigmatized our culture with numerous anti-consumer practices that they call “being progressive”. But the truth of the matter is they were never really looking to be a part of our community, they simply wanted to use our community as a tool of activism and propaganda in the entertainment industry as it was extremely profitable, and they wanted inclusion in that division. Ever since GamerGate & Female Frequency, we have had to endure the incursion of forced ideologies, xenophobic behaviors and inferior overpriced products that have never been in our best interest and have been flat out disgraceful towards foreign media.
Before Gaming had become a major source of entertainment, we were often categorized as anti-social or societies rejects where because we found more enjoyment in playing fictional characters and not spending as much time out and about, we never fully assimilated in society (which is a good thing if you ask me). From 1998 to 2007, at the height of innovation, creativity and production, Gaming had reached a golden age in which it had revolutionized society. Hollywood Execs who had ruined the movie industry turned their attention to video games as a source of income since video games had outperformed movies in terms of profit. No one was concerned about gaming, much less diversity or inclusivity until it became profitable. This makes people like SBI look extremely disingenuous as they were not interested in gamers as a community with its own culture. They simply wanted to use it as another weapon in identity politics.
Microtransactions; the hidden enemy to gamer progress and inducer to mental laziness of our community. Microtransactions have been around for a long time; however, it has never been more potent and apparent than in recent years. It has aided in the dismantling and segregation of players on the ideology of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and has created another sub-culture of gamers who have no real drive to be better outside of how much money they put into the game. This has degraded our culture as well as we have become “fat” off transactional gaming but at the same time we have been “starved” of purposeful gaming where our achievements were our sustenance. I am not saying that microtransactions are bad, but when they are exploitative and predatorial like they have been and don’t give gamers room to grow, we become lethargic and unwilling to improve ourselves as gamers. Oversaturated microtransactional games are one of the many reasons why we have become complacent and unwilling to fight against the exploitative tactics used by big brand game companies such EA, Ubisoft, ActivisionBlizzard, NaughtyDog and so many other western business model companies. Western style games were not like this in the past, they had much more depth and actual effort put into them with the gamer in mind. This has not been the case for over a decade and our connection to western developers has been whittled down to just being transactional. That is one of the reasons why you see so many remasters and remakes in today’s gamer community. They have lost their willingness to improve as developers of games and simply accept corporate/share holder rules.
Game journalists also do not have any real integrity or purpose outside of being funded for their involvement in promoting IPG (Identity Political Games) in a positive light to the public whether it’s positively received or not. They are not interested in what we have to say, they all support the same agenda and that is why they are a dying breed. Within the next couple of years, they will be out of the job and more than likely they will not be able to stay in the industry giving how they have responded to past articles that have clearly been scripted on the premise of diversity and racism. Not only that, but most of them are also extremely hostile to the community as they stereotype and defame the individuals that are a part of the community they are supposed to serve. We have been mentally liberated from their lies and coercive tactics as we tend to laugh at their obvious attempt at virtue signaling while hiding their misdoings so that they can play the victim.
My gamer brothers & sisters, I would not suggest the following action that we must take now without good cause. I have weighed our options and the best option for us now is this…...CULTURAL SECESSION. Naturally this is a form of segregation where they would more than likely claim they are being segregated by the dominant culture of the gaming community but that is incorrect. For years now we have been the ones who are often marginalized and ostracized for the smaller portion of our community. And when we aren’t, we’re exploited for more funds so that these companies can stay in business only to subject us to low quality products that coincide with the “WOKE Agenda” that are often huge expenses to these big brands i.e. AAA/AAAA games that will eventually flop for its obvious forced diversity and bug infested product which will undoubtedly piss off the consumer to the point of wanting a refund. Losing copious amounts of capital and stock in the process, not to mention their reputation is permanently marred.
We must separate on every cultural level in terms of entertainment and ideology. We must reject everything from the west that promotes toxic western beliefs, practices, and exclusion from other cultures (i.e. Southeastern Countries such as Japan and Korea). Japan & Korea have been the targets of unjust discrimination from Western Developers, Western Journalists, Western Localizers (The Wokelizers) and Western Society Prejudice regarding their sense of aesthetics as Westerners hate the aesthetic sense of these countries. The reason why they resort to such base tactics isn’t just because it weaponizes the ideal female form but it’s also because they have deep-seated insecurities about their own looks so when they see attractive female characters, they use terms such as “unrealistic” or “hypersexualized” to establish the moral high ground. But the truth is, they want to feel superior to that which is ideal, so they insult and dehumanize this figure that portrays natural female beauty because they see it as an insult to their own social superiority in what they believe is a hierarchy of them being at the top of all other women. Because of this and so many contributing factors, their movies flop harder than the Fat Chocobo landing on a group of enemies and their games seismically fail just as much if not more. We must sever our connection to Western Developers, Publishers, and ALL Western-Centric Entertainment for they seek to mentally enslave us to their Xenophobic ideology.
Let’s define Western Culture and its traits. Western Culture/Society is composed of more than several different ideologies that work in unison with one another to facilitate dominance over multiple aspects of society. Business, Social, Political, Technological, and sometimes even Global Affairs are affected by these ideologies that portray a specific mindset of Western beliefs. What are those ideologies you ask?

• Perpetual Victimhood: By weaponizing the fact that they are marginalized and of a small portion of western society, they can push their agenda to absurd standards that ultimately ostracize the main demographic. And when companies don’t capitulate, they are labeled as anti-progressive/misogynist’s or cohorts of White Supremacy. They use this to cancel their targets and silence them through societal defamation to keep the public on their side. They also use this mindset to justify their own lack of self-agency as they tend to throw companies who do adhere to their demands but miserably fail to turn a profit under the bus so that they can maintain face in front of the public while denying their actual involvement. They will never accept “Sense of Agency” when it’s negative but will gladly accept it when a positive outcome shines on them as if they are entitled to it.

Official Wiki GamerGate Page)
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• Societal Terrorism: This is another form of ideology weaponization that they use in order to make companies “toe-the-line” with their agenda. By weaponizing cancel culture, they exert dominance over these companies but in exchange they also reimburse those companies with DEI & ESG funds that raise their credit score as well as having social status with the marginalized demographic. However; cancel culture has not succeeded in years and developers and publishers probably only want the money and the DEI ESG rating. But they have to maintain the image of having social economic power so that they can continue to strong-arm other developers into compliance and promoting financial benefits of DEI & ESG. In other words, if you are not for sale, they discredit and stigmatize you in the industry.

Asmongold Clips.
https://youtu.be/Iq86DnmX2xY
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• “Its not us, its you who’s wrong” Mentality: This mentality is especially annoying as they tend to use it to hide their incompetence. They often look down upon gamers who are not in the industry to hide their obvious lack of knowledge on game development thinking that their job title grants them special status that they believe gives them the right to be condescending. But the truth they never wanted revealed has already strangled their careers of all credibility. They were never GAMERS, they were INVADERS. Community Colonists that seek to indoctrinate next generational gamers into their hive-mind and brand previous generations of gamers as villains.

@GeeksandGamers
https://youtu.be/1HbrTkqQFuM
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• Double-standard Enforcement: By labeling something as “unrealistic” or “hypersexualized”, they can claim this is morally wrong if it promotes traditional dynamics between men and women. Heterosexual relationships are condemned while at the same time Same-sex relationships are praised. Additionally, heterosexual relationships with main white male characters turn antagonistic and spotlight stealing. This is deliberate as to promote the “Girl Boss” ideology to indoctrinate women into the Feminazi state of mind. While at the same time, should a male character also adopt the “I don’t need male/female” ideology its seen as Toxic Masculinity which isn’t even a real thing. The idea of a strong male character is taboo while enforcing strong female characters is the ideal.

@MugenLord
https://youtu.be/to5Uciy_yeg
@EndymionTv
https://youtu.be/7TPTR8-qmbk
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• Dehumanization/Demonization: This is something that most military branches use in order to remove conscious inhibitions such as mass slaughter is wrong or categorization. By enforcing ideologies to denounce humanity in certain targets, it deactivates your conscience by saying this is not human therefore its ethically okay to treat this target without compassion and deny the fact it has sentience. We gamers fall under this category for journalists, developers, companies and society at large. This is a tactic we are familiar with to an extent as it implies that we are not normal when we do not do what everybody else is doing. “Geeks are the worse” or “Nerds need to fall into a pit of lava” are verbal dehumanization forms that most people in society say and we as Gamers tend to be relegated to those categories. This is their way of imposing the social hierarchy on us by establishing superiority. We know this as Gamers as we see it very often in the games that we play and some times experience it in real life.

https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Gamergate#The_end_of_their_relevance
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• Deflection/Projection: This is basic psychology 101. By redirecting the conversation away from their mistakes and back on to the opposing view to avert blame and justify their innocence they can avoid criticism. However; deflection is a CONSCIOUS decision, meaning they have no real argument to justify their incompetence. If you can consciously process the situation, you have self-agency which means you don’t have a legitimate excuse. Projection is something else entirely. Most times, Projection doesn’t work on conscious decisions rather it is automatically deployed when feeling threatened, anxious or both. Instead of accepting accountability for feelings or actions that are deemed socially unacceptable they accuse others of committing that unacceptable behavior thereby exonerating themselves and proving that those feelings and/or actions are not their own.

@TheTrentReport
https://youtu.be/bPIPSKruYRo
These traits are so nefarious and unconscionable that I have a hard time believing that anyone could harbor them. However, given the social, political, and economic climate that we are in, those in power who use their influence on controlling society most definitely possess these insidious traits. Everything that they do is all about control and since video games are the biggest market in the world, they want control over it and the communities built around it to accrue more wealth and to use that wealth to subjugate other cultures. Mainstream media is a tool as well as mainstream organizations and sites to help accomplish this goal.
The government recently announced its intentions towards what they believe is “GamerGate 2.0” and now even the ADL has made an official appearance, referring to gamers as “extremist’s”. We know EXACTLY what they are doing, and they aren’t even trying to hide it anymore because they don’t think we are aware of their motives. This is just a pretext for them to exert even more control and we know why, it’s because they want the influence we as a community have to must serve them. So here is what we do my fellow gamers-
“In light of recent events and years of mainstream stigma, we the members of the Global Gaming Community [GGC] must officially renounce ALL TIES to the corporate western video game market. We have been financially exploited through predatorial monetization schemes, pelted with numerous articles of disdain and intentional misrepresentation from game journalists, news outlets regarding us as dangerous individuals and, even subjected to inferior products not only riddled with bugs but also products meant to push political agendas. For the preservation of our community and its unique culture, apart from a few select game development studios we officially sever all connections to western owned video game companies & their mainstream affiliates. From this point onward, we will no longer support western corporate developers, journalists and publishers that do not coincide with the goals of our community.”
Naturally this is completely optional. If you are okay with the state of the gaming community as it is, feel free to ignore this. But if you wish for real change and a break away from oversaturated monetization in the games you play and the push for radical ideological reform, then you are in the right place. Lets sever these rotted miasmic ties once and for all so that our community can be preserved and made better for future gamers. If you agree with this, share it with whoever you think might be interested. The more gamers who get involved, the easier it will be for us to finally break free from mainstream game companies and their associates.

Hi Everyone, later this month I will be 7 years out of my Glioblastoma diagnosis. I was 30 years old when I was diagnosed and am 37 years old now. Over the last 6+ years, I have been put in contact with many people battling the same diagnosis and decided to create a Word document titled "Health & Happiness", which details all of the things I have incorporated into my healing journey. Everyone is different and I am simply sharing what has worked for me. Neither me or my wife are in the medical field however we have spent a lot of time researching things to integrate into my day-to-day life which we believe are keeping me healthy. For the first 5 years of my journey I received MRI's every 8 weeks; now that I am more than 5 years out I get MRI's every 12 weeks. Below is a copy and paste of the document:
*Below there are some discount codes that I have not affiliation with and found them through IG or marketing emails and they might be outdated*
My Neurosurgeon:
Dr. Mitchel Berger - UCSF
My Neuro Oncologist:
Dr. Timothy Cloughesy - UCLA
My Naturopathic Doctor:
· Christian Gonzalez, ND
o Check out his podcast, “Heal Thy Self” – This podcast has been life-changing for my wife and I. It has provided us with assurance about the path that we have been on to keep me healthy and has opened our eyes to so many things that we thought were “good” and “healthy” when in fact we were grossly misled to a technique called “Green Washing” that a lot of companies and products use in their marketing efforts.
· Below are two links where you can find a ND in your area.
o Naturopath Oncologist Database - https://oncanp.org/directory/
o General Naturopath Doctor Database - https://www.naturopathic.org/AF_MemberDirectory.asp?version=2
CBD/THC Extracts - Cancer Protocols:
· I went through CT's full 90 day protocol back in 2017 in conjunction with radiation and chemo (Temodar). I am on CT's "maintenance" program and have been since I finished the 90 day protocol.
o https://www.constancetherapeutics.com/
o https://www.forbes.com/sites/abbierosne2019/01/24/constance-finleys-midlife-detour-to-cannabis-extraction-connoisseu#456c41bc35c6
§ The article above is from Forbes magazine on Constance and how she got started.
Books and Documentaries:
· Radical Remission. This book was the first book I read when I was diagnosed and gave me knowledge and motivation to not look at my diagnosis as a death sentence. One of the most powerful cancer books I have read and I highly recommend it for anyone that has cancer or knows someone that has cancer. 😊
· What the Health: Netflix
· Heal: Netflix
o Here are a couple ‘extras’ from “Heal” that we found very powerful and inspiring.
§ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sxmK8A-Kco&list=PLmcZvnvGDkToo9nYIX3ugcgyLCll0NLLc&utm_content=b080891cf2ccb1c272c432873d52f9cd&utm_campaign=Don%27t+believe+you+can+change+your+destiny%3F+This+video+could+help+you+change+your+mind.&utm_source=Robly.com&utm_medium=email

§ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeQjNRahxrw&feature=youtu.be&utm_content=eadbd6e0e0dff2d44d28e6515fa4c2a1&utm_campaign=Rob+Wergin+use+his+incredible+and+unique+gifts&utm_source=Robly.com&utm_medium=email

o The Documentary “Heal”, did so well they wrote a book as well.
· The Game Changers – A documentary on Netflix.
· Forks Over Knives - Netflix
· Cowspiracy – Netflix
· The China Study – Book outlining the most comprehensive study done on nutrition, and the links the standard American diet has to all types of diseases including cancer.
· Being In Balance - Book
· You The Healer – Book
· The Power of Now – Book
· The Celestine Prophecy – Book
· How Not To Die – Book
· The Truth About Cancer – Documentary


Supplements I am taking:
· Maca Root
· Vitamin B12
· Gaia – “Liver Health”
· Bladderwrack & Sea Moss
o We purchase these from- https://alkalineveganshop.com/
· Mushroom Supplements: Chaga, Turkey Tail, Maitake, Reishi, Cordyceps & Lion’s Mane (Real Mushrooms is the company we use.) See video and article below about the health benefits of mushrooms.
o https://www.realmushrooms.com/
o https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuL_faveAnw
o https://www.drweil.com/health-wellness/body-mind-spirit/canceturkey-tail-mushrooms-for-cancer-treatment/
o Paul Stamets is the CEO of Host Defense and his mother was diagnosed with Stage Four Breast Cancer. He gives a lot of credit to her remission from the mushroom supplements. https://hostdefense.com/also has a 10% off first time order. We order from Vitacost.com though due to their sales and free shipping.
· Agaricus Mushroom – I take it at night with my Essiac Tea (See Below)
· Kelp
· Vitamin D3
· Graviola/Soursop – (can be taken as a supplement or in Tea form)
· Ashwagandha –Benefits and study links below. In the first link below, each number found in the article is a hyper link showcasing different studies that have been conducted proving the benefits listed.
o https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/12-proven-ashwagandha-benefits#section3
o https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26650066
· Vitamin B2
· Boswellia (Frankincense)
· Melatonin
· CoQ10
[· X-R Shield by LifeExtension – My ND prescribed me to take these 5 days prior to air travel, during travel and 5 days after air travel. When flying, you’re exposed to high amounts of radiation and this supplement helps to protect cell DNA damage]()
· Chaparral
o We purchase these from- https://alkalineveganshop.com/
· Liposomal Glutathione – Quicksilver Scientific
· NAC (N-Acetyl-L-Cysteine, Free-Form)
· Co-E1 NADH
· Probiotic – Klaire Labs, Ther-Biotic Complete
· Life Cykel Mushroom Tinctures
o https://us.lifecykel.com/?rfsn=3953957.f0c203&utm_source=refersion&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=3953957.f0c203
o Discount code: 0DCB4626
o Chaga, Turkey Tail, Reishi, Lions Maine, Cordyceps, Shitake
o All of the above mushrooms are harnessed in Kakadu Plum juice which is the most Vitamin C dense fruit in the world.
· We get most of our supplements from http://www.vitacost.com . They have sales all the time and free 2-day shipping.

Teas:
· Senna Tea - I drank this on the nights I took Temodar (Chemo) to prevent constipation, it's a lot easier on your body than any OTC medication.
· Essiac Tea - I drink 4 oz. of this every night before bed. People who have defeated cancer give a lot of credit to Essiac Tea.
o We purchase it in loose leaf form from https://www.starwest-botanicals.com/
· Moringa
· Dandelion
· Teas with Turmeric
[· Pique Tea – Organic, ceremonial grade, triple screened for heavy metals, mold toxins and pesticides. This is the only tea that we have been able to find that has a triple screening process for heavy metals. “Organic” does not mean free of heavy metals.]()
o Discount Code: GREENFIELD 15% off!

Other things I do:
· Meditation – Every day for 20 minute – I started off with the app called “Headspace” other people use “Calm”. Its personal preference.
o I am looking into taking a TM class (Transcendental Meditation) and will let you know once I do.
[· Minimizing EMF exposure as much as possible]()
o Sleeping with our phones in airplane mode and away from us, ideally in another room
o Turning off Wi-Fi at night, and even when not in use
o Covering Wi-Fi router and Digital Electricity Meter (outside of house) with EMF guards
§ These can be found here: https://smartmeterguard.com/
o Keeping cell phones away from our bodies as much as possible
o Not using anything wireless near our heads. This includes cell phones (always talk on speaker phone or a wired ear pod connection), air pods or any type of Bluetooth headphones, this includes Bluetooth in the car.
o Hardwiring my office so there is no need for Wi-Fi.
· When we fly, we have these blankets that we wrap around our body. This company has a lot of great products that protect you from EMF exposure.
o https://www.defendershield.com/emf-radiation-protection-blanket
· We also wear these when we fly, they are a company out of Australia
o https://radiasmart.com/emf-hat-hood/
o This is what we have: RS EMF radiation protection hood, blocking RF, EMF- Brian Coat
· Here is another company that is popular, we were not aware of it at the time of buying the other products above.
o https://getlambs.com/products/emf-proof-beanie
· Positive attitude and mindset in everything I do- link below to article explaining how thoughts can benefit or hinder your body
o https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-your-thoughts-change-your-brain-cells-and-genes_b_9516176
· Eliminate as much stress as I possibly can from my everyday life
· Be present in my mind
· Yoga
· Spin
· Writing down 3 things that I am grateful for each night before bed
· Using Frankincense oil on my feet and pillow, every night, before bed
· Morning Routine: Body Scan Meditation, Drink a liter of water when you wake up (Your body is most dehydrated after a full night’s sleep), stretch or some type of quick 10 minute workout to get your body moving in the morning, “I Am” affirmations (I will usually do this right after I finish my morning stretching, I will typically say 5-10 things out loud to myself, for example (I am healthy, I am a loving husband, I am kind, etc…), statements of gratitude (I will mix this in with my “I Am” affirmations, for example, I am grateful for my bed, I am grateful for my home, I am grateful to have access to organic produce, etc…) I try to focus on this that I have in my life instead of things that I want, rubbing a 1-2 drops of any organic essential oil that you like in your hands in the morning and taking 4-5 deep breaths with your hands over your mouth and nose (this is very helpful in awakening your sensory functions), lastly, I listen to music when getting ready for work in the morning. Soft music in the morning taps into the creative side of your brain and research has shown that individuals that listen to soft music in the morning are more creative and productive throughout the day than those who don’t.
· Taking a walk every day to get fresh air and disconnect, normally with the dogs J
· Circuit Training
· Acupuncture / Energy Healing
· Energy Healer – Steve Montoya – Let me know if you would like his contact info. He travels all over the world healing people. He is in the LA/OC area once a quarter or so.
o https://ramonashealingjourney.wordpress.com/2015/11/04/you-shall-know-them-by-their-love/
· Keeping my body warm at all times. We learned from Traditional Chinese Medicine, that keeping the body warm protects the kidneys, which means all of the other organs can do their job and the body can heal. Also, just for example, when you have a fever, it’s your body’s way of protecting all of your vital organs so that they can do their job, as well as preventing any proliferation of bacteria and viruses.
o http://aprilcrowell.com/asian-medicine/warm-to-the-core/
· John of God – Brazil. Lauren’s cousin went down to visit him during the 4th quarter of 2018 and took a head shot of myself as well as a two-page letter sharing my story. He is a spiritual healer that helped a young man get to a state of meditation where his brain tumor shrunk to nothing. He sent back two bottles of Herbs (Ground Up Passion Flower Leaves – Actual Name: Passiflora) for me to take. There is a large portion about him in the book “Radical Remission” and he is featured in “Heal” as well.
· I brush my teeth with my less dominant hand once a day and then with my dominant hand the other two times.
o This helps stimulate parts of the brain that are not in use often. You can do this with many things, brushing your hair, using your less dominant foot in sports, washing your body with soap while showering.
· Drinking and eating out of glass vs. plastic. It’s having an effect on both men and women’s endocrine systems (hormones, fertility, etc…)
o https://www.plasticpollutioncoalition.org/pft/2017/7/26/new-endocrine-disrupting-chemicals-are-undermining-male-fertility
· This may sound like something so simple but it’s quite challenging: When moving/changing physical positions I am always present. For example, every time I sit, I tell myself I am sitting, every time I stand to walk, I tell myself I am standing. This helps me to bring my mind into a present state and focus less on the future or past.
o This was a recommendation during one of my guided meditations.
· Laughing, loving and hugging every day. This was a big take away for Lauren and I from reading the book Radical Remission. It’s important to laugh every day, love every day and receive and give hugs to people every day. I know, I know, it sounds crazy but it has worked on other folks, we practice it every day. We try to watch more comedies if we are going to watch a movie on the weekend, an easy way to incorporate laughter into your life.
· We recently added air purifiers into our home. I also have one in my office. We purchased the Molekule, but through research we found that the Air Doctor is another good option (and I believe also a little less expensive). Here is a discount code for $100 off a Molekule: MetroMD100
· IR Sauna (Infrared Saunas)
o These are great for detoxifying the body, especially after air travel. I go to Perspire (https://perspiresaunastudio.com/) here in Orange County.
· Epsom Salt Baths – Especially after air or any long car travel as well.
· Grounding/Earthing – Walk around barefoot on your backyard grass or anywhere there is a plot of “Earth”. Feel the grass between your toes or if you are at the beach, be aware of the sand between your toes. We are all energy and Earth contains energy, manifest the energy from the Earth into your body for increased healing, awareness, presence and mindfulness. I do this for about 10-15 minutes.
· Cold Showers (as cold as the shower can get) every morning and Ice Plunges. Look up the “Wim Hof Method”
o https://www.wimhofmethod.com/

Diet:
· For the past 6+ years we have followed a whole food plant-based diet (vegan without the junk food). Cancer cells feed off of Glucose (Sugar) firstly, but can also utilize glutamate as a second source of fuel (which is in all animal protein, land and sea). I have also cut out all artificial sugars from my diet. Dairy is also extremely inflammatory for your body and has been linked to cancer in many research studies.
· White Carbs and Gluten - We have eliminated these from our diet as much as we possibly can. Even for people who do not have a ‘gluten intolerance,’ gluten is very hard on the body’s digestive system. Excessive consumption can lead to a leaky gut, which causes toxins to seep out of the digestive tract into the body/blood making it hard for your immune system to work at its peak. Also, most gluten products have high levels of glyphosate, which they’ve linked to cancer. Glyphosate acts like an antibiotic to your gut (not in a good way), wiping out all of the beneficial gut flora which are there to keep your immune system working efficiently.
· Alkaline Foods and Water - Cancer cells cannot grow in an alkaline environment; we drink water with a PH level of 9.5. We recently invested in a Kangen water machine for our home. A level of 7 PH is balanced and anything below 7 is acidic. Cancer cells thrive in an acidic environment. Things that make your body acidic are alcohol, dairy, meat, processed and artificial sugars and gluten.
· I drink warm lemon water with apple cider vinegar every morning, which also helps alkalize the body and keep stomach acid levels at a great pH for food absorption.
· We practice intermittent fasting, which allows the body to not worry about processing food for a large portion of the day but rather allow its immune system to be working at its peak ability. We started out by only eating from 12 PM - 8 PM and are working toward 12 PM - 6 PM. Intermittent fasting is really important when taking Temodar (or any chemotherapy). It allows the body to protect the healthy cells while targeting cancer cells. There is so much research showing the benefits of intermittent fasting for cancer patients.
· This is a really interesting article citing a lot of different sources regarding a plant-based diet and fighting/preventing cancer:
o https://www.vivahealth.org.uk/veganhealth/dont-feed-cancer

Other Things to Research:
· Dr. Sebi – He is the doctor who put a full-page ad in the NY Post and was sued to take it down. When he went to his court hearing the judge asked him if he could prove that he healed anyone, and he furnished 70 patients of his that were healed by his treatment and the Judge declared “not guilty” on all the charges that were brought against him by the State of New York.
o The link below is a quick rundown of his life. I believe the pharmaceutical companies were heavily involved with his death in while he was imprisoned in Honduras.
o https://wakeup-world.com/2015/08/28/dr-sebi-the-man-who-cures-aids-cancer-diabetes-and-more/
· Radiation Stickers for your cell phone and laptop:
o https://www.amazon.com/Radiation-Protection-Labobbon-Household-Appliances/dp/B078SSD6QC
· We also try to use the ‘cleanest’ hygiene products we can find. There are many harmful chemicals in our everyday toothpastes, shampoos, deodorants, etc. Chemicals to avoid in hygiene products below:
o Shampoo – Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Sodium Laureth Sulfate, basically any ‘sulfate,’ Parabens, Sodium Benzoate. Brands that we like are: 100% Pure, Acure, Alaffia
o Toothpaste – Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Sodium Laureth Sulfate, basically any ‘sulfate’, fluoride, triclosan, DEA, Propylene Glycol, Microbeads. One of the worst toothpaste brands out there is Colgate. We use Himalaya Botanique & Nature’s Gate as well as Dr. Bronner’s All-In-One toothpaste.
o Deodorant – Aluminum, Parabens, Triclosan, DEA, Propylene Glycol. We have been testing out natural deodorants for years and our favorite (although not vegan) is from a company called Primally Pure. We’ve also started to use a brand called Joyous Organics with clean (and minimal) ingredients.
o A great website to reference for beauty product ingredients and their safety is https://www.ewg.org/
§ Skin Deep Database – This is where you will find clean products to put on your body.
· https://www.ewg.org/skindeep/

· The Clean Fifteen and Dirty Dozen
o The EWG, each year, comes out with an updated list of produce that we should be buying organic 100% of the time (Dirty Dozen), especially people like you and I who have had cancer. The Clean fifteen can be purchased conventionally if you can’t find them in an organic form and conventional is the only option
o https://www.ewg.org/foodnews/clean-fifteen.php
o https://www.ewg.org/foodnews/dirty-dozen.php

· The link below is a good read on Monsanto’s Glyphosate and the timeline for removal in home use:
o https://www.ewg.org/news-insights/news-release/2021/07/bayer-end-residential-sales-cancer-causing-weedkiller-glyphosate?utm_source=newsletter&utm_campaign=202108News&utm_medium=email&emci=9a939839-bef6-eb11-b563-501ac57b8fa7&emdi=4d3bfe91-dbf7-eb11-b563-501ac57b8fa7&ceid=2210188
These are things that we have done and have found to be successful so far with my body, and hopefully, they are helpful for you as well. I have also included some images below that show how damaging the effects of Wi-Fi radiation (and all of the radiation coming from electronics) can be.

I am not a Muslim. I was born into a Hindu family. Since around 2018-2019, I started having an attraction towards Islam. Even though this sub, as well as WikiIslam has helped me break some of the chains, I still feel Islam's 'call' whenever I see the modern world.
I became attracted to Islam seeing the condition of women mainly (I am a MAN btw). I am from India, specifically Bengal, so women here wear saris. The way Hindu women wear sarees expose their navel and most women, including my own kin, wear sleeveless blouse, thus exposing the entire hands, along with some armpit too. Women in urban areas wear western clothes like skirts, mini skirts, yoga pants, crop tops, etc. The thing is, I started noticing how men ogle at women...like, a lot. And women clearly wearn't liking it. And men wouldn't stop ogling and sexualizing women's navels, cleavage, armpit, etc. no matter what. Aunties, teachers, friends, etc. I saw my friends in schools, colleges, tuitions, and men in public sexualise them all.
Now, one counter would be - that is because men are misogynists and not taught about respecting women. Another response, something that I was told since a long time, is that exposure to stuff makes people desensitized to it, for example in certain tribes women go around naked, so men there are desensitized to women's breasts. But anecdotally speaking, this isn't true. Even the most Feminist men in the most developed countries do not stop sexualising women or being attracted to cleavage or buttocks or anything. You can open social media - be it Reddit or Instagram or anything, and you will still see western men sexualising and jerking off to women who expose arms, thighs, navels, cleavage or anything. It is almost as if 'desensitization' simply is an anthropological myth. People still seem to be immensely sexually attracted to these secondary sexual features of women, and no woman seems to be very comfortable about it despite wanting more freedom to wear less clothes. Actors, models, pornstars, etc. often seem to be insecure about their body after flaunting it for some years and often regret these career.
To add to this, the other parts of modern culture - alcoholism, drugs, smoking, selfishness, sexual promiscuity, etc seem to be...'demonic' if I were to use Abrahamic terminology. Images of men and women laying on the ground with bottles in their hands, puking in bathrooms, lying on their couch 'wasted' from drugs, doing orgies in colleges, etc. my conscience seems to tell me that there is something fundamentally wrong with secularism and Humanism. When people seem to adopt Abrahamic religions, especially Christianity and Islam, more seriously, people seem to often heal from these 'dark' phases of their lives. Their lives get meaning and they shed these things from their lives. I remember reading about an actress in 20th century who used to do p0rn and even stuff like bestiality by her director bf, but later started living a better life due to Christianity.
Now, despite all this, I am still not properly convinced. A lot of things about Christianity and Islam don't add up for me. History of Islam, thanks to enlightenment by user Spaghettibologneis, doesn't add up properly. Origins of Abrahamic religions don't add up. A lot of the morals doesn't seem very good like slavery or sexual slavery and the onus of women dressing modestly seems to be too strict. I have never seen anybody in my life be attracted to hair (I mean beautiful hair is good but nothing sexual) so covering it doesn't make sense for me. For these reasons, I still haven't converted to Islam or Christianity. But in my conscience, I still feel their 'callings'. Have you guys ever felt the same?

I 30F, was with my ex 26M since Jan 2023. We connected in person and were in a months-long dating relationship before making it official in September.
I admittedly ignored many red flags, things that would make this person “bad on paper” but in actuality is just a flawed and limited person. He made mistakes early on, and had difficulties with porn usage that greatly impacted our relationship. Our age difference and that fact he still lives at home put a very immature spin on things. We fought over these things often which culminated in our split, due to the fact that despite all the effort and communication I was putting in, behind the scenes, he was not reciprocating that effort. He ended our relationship due to not being ready.
Now, I know the phrases “why would you want to be with him anyway because of these issues” or “he won’t magically heal and be better for someone else.” We loved each other and had such beautiful times together, but the bad times were hard to ignore. He even admitted to needing time alone to work on things because he loves me and knows how much I was hurting. But for some reason I just cannot let it go that we aren’t together lol. I know my efforts and love didn’t go unnoticed, and I can’t force someone to change. As much as I believe him needing to be alone, because of my past of being cheated on, I fear that he will suddenly change for another woman. I know that is irrational.
I was in therapy for quite a while for issues stemming from childhood like emotional abandonment and my dad’s alcohol usage and my mom being hypercritical with low self esteem. I know the cycle has to be broken with me in order to avoid a lifetime of hurt and low self esteem and self worth. I’m in the process of going back to therapy.
Have any of you ever been with someone who is bad on paper, and, what did you do to heal yourself from the pain of believing things could have been different? How did you forgive yourself? How did you accept that this is painful and not serving you?
Tough love welcomed.