So I have an office friend and we keep on lightly flirting but none ever makes any move. We formed a very close friendship though. I really can't gauge how interested they are, I assume we're both scared.
Yesterday I made a comment (inside joke that's hard to explain without giving too much details) thay we don't really have any cute managers. To which he replied "what about X?". I was surprised by this because I genuinely don't remember saying that, maybe I did. My point is - he remembered, out of all things I say every day he remembered that I called other dude cute maybe 2 years ago.
I am fairly sure we're crushing hard on each other. There are other small things, like he has sent me once a song with this text for example ( I asked for relaxing mueic reccomndation and he send one song!!)
Smell of you baby, my senses, My senses be praised Smell of you baby, my senses, My senses be praised Kissing and running, Kissing and running away Kissing and running, Kissing and running away Senses be praised Senses be praised
Or he commented about "wireless kiss" that I have send on couple of occasions to my other colleague. I shouldn't have but it's my warm and welcoming personality.
I really like him but I don't know what to do. I can legit flirt with everyone but him.
Can you people help me please?

A few years ago I was living in a flat in Manchester with a couple of friends. A guy and a girl. The girl we will call 'L'
When I first met L I wasn't in a great place. I'd been through a lot in my life: parental neglect, childhood sexual abuse, rape in adulthood, sex work. I was damaged and alone and I needed a friend. When I met L she scooped me up, would hang out with me almost every day, message me every day, introduced me to her friends and I thought my life was starting to get a bit better.
Quite early on in our friendship I started to feel a bit anxious. L had said I was her best friend, but we had only known eachother maybe a month or 2 and so I said to her that I didn't feel ready to say it back. I was worried she was love bombing me. But as time went on and we moved into a flat together we became very much best friends.
I think one of the reasons we bonded so much was because we had both experienced sexual violence and abuse in our lives. L was also quite traumatised by what she had been through in life.
L had been violently raped by an ex boyfriend. The assault had left her hospitalised. We will call the ex bf 'O'.
The assault from O had happened a few years prior to me and L meeting. She told me all about it. But, while we were living together, L made the decision to invite O over to our flat for sex. Yep, the guy that had violently raped her. She invited that man in to our home. I thought it was pretty clear from this that L had some real issues, so I chose not to pass judgment and to instead show love and compassion. L told me to keep what she had done a secret as she said that if people found out they wouldn't want to know her anymore. So I kept it a secret for months, to protect her.
Fast forward 6 months. I'm dating a guy, we will call him 'C'. We'd been on one date and had been talking for a couple weeks. He was an incredible person. He did charity work, he was a creative like me, he had clearly done a lot of self work and appeared to be the perfect guy. I felt a connection very quickly.
Then one day I decided to google him. And I found the article that would change my life forever. I found an article about C, stating that he had spent time in prison for stalking and harassment.
As I'm sure you can imagine I was completely and utterly shocked by finding that article. I've been through a lot in my life but when I saw that headline my ears started ringing and my brain just stopped for a moment. This is what trauma feels like when it's happening.
After a few moments to digest this information I burst out of my room in tears and called out for my best friend L. I needed her so badly. I needed my friend.
When I showed L the article about C, she became angry. Angry at me! She demanded that I block him immediately and started making comments about how I was inviting a dangerous person in to our lives. She accused me of this after inviting her own rapist over for sex! L also made comments such as 'what if he attacks me' as though this was happening to her. She turned herself into the victim.
I had spent time with C and although the article was truly awful, I just couldn't understand how this was the same person. He seemed so genuine and kind and compassionate. I contacted him after finding the article. I was still in quite severe shock at this point. I asked him about the article and his response was that he wished he could have told me about it himself. He explained to me that he used to have a severe drinking problem, he'd done awful things in his life which he had paid for. He spent 3 months in prison for what he did. And he hadn't touched alcohol since. All of this had happened 3 years before we met. He had been sober for 3 years. I admired him for managing to make something of himself despite having such a scathing mark against his character floating around on the Internet for the world to see.
Within 48 hours of me finding that article L called everyone we knew and told them about it. She even contacted people close to my family to tell them I was 'dating a rapist' even though C had never actually physically hurt anyone.
Within 48 hours of me finding that article Ls friends were openly picking on my and excluding me. She had worked so quickly. It actually reminds me of something I heard about called a 'narcissistic attack' in which the perpetrator purposefully turns people against someone in order to socially ostracise them.
I lost almost everyone.
I very much believed C. I chose to continue dating him. But the hell L was putting me through made it difficult for the relationship to work. Me and L were still living together. She had said I wasn't allowed to bring C anywhere near the flat. So ofc I agreed. L was making my life a daily misery, with off hand remarks, social isolation and verbal attacks. She turned all the new people I had met against me. She branded me as the 'girl who would date a stalker'. And all these people I used to consider friends jumped on the band wagon. Not a single person came to my defense.
I continued to date C for 6 weeks after finding the article. I broke up with him in the end because what L was putting me through was creating resentment that C couldn't possibly handle. He'd been through enough. We did remain friends though. And to this day he is still sober and very much a changed man.
People make mistakes in life. Some people make awful mistakes. I chose to accept C for who he was in the moment, not who he had been years previously. I chose to act with compassion and understanding and the person that was supposed to be my friend completely betrayed me.
I have been through a lot in my life but to be so betrayed by a friend is very traumatic. Especially after putting faith and trust in that friend. Especially after being there for that friend when she had done far far worse.
It's been over 2 years since this all happened and I'm still dealing with the PTSD. It's the public humiliation that has been so damaging to me. It's the going to a friend for support in a time of need and instead of them being there for me they tried to destroy me.
It's been over 2 years and I still have nightmares and wake up in tears.
And to this day I havnt told any of her friends about what she did with O. I was going to tell everyone about it at first but I made the conscious choice to not be that person. And instead I just walked away.
Looking back I really wish I had stood up for myself more. Maybe then L would have realised what she was doing.
I still get so angry. It's so hard to move on. I can't go a day without reliving what she did to me. I'm so tired.

My girlfriend (33F) and I (41M) have been dating for 8 years. Recently I’ve been giving serious thought to splitting up, but it’s complicated.
We live in Japan. She’s Japanese, I’m American. Culturally, this may be important. We speak in Japanese exclusively. My Japanese level is near-native. She doesn’t speak English.
TL;DR: We love each other, and she’s a great roommate, but I feel like this is going nowhere, and there are some major issues with our relationship. It’s becoming harder and harder for me to imagine future life, marriage, etc., with her.
Background: - The first year dating, we were living separately, same city. - Then I went overseas on assignment for my job, for 6 years. We met infrequently during this time, typically a couple of times per year. - Returned a year ago and we moved in together.
Since moving in together a year ago, things have not gone how I expected. This is my first time living with a girlfriend.
There are some things I really like about her.
Companionship/friendship - She’s been like my closest friend all this time, particularly during covid when we would game and video call together. - Caring, supportive, loving. - Generally in positive spirits. - We can have small talk and laugh together.
Good housemate/roommate - She’s great at doing chores. - Extremely clean.
Low maintenance - She typically does not ask for things. - I can go out when I want, and she never complains.
But there are some things that are causing me to seriously think about splitting up.
She seems to enjoy a kind of “self child-ization” - She enjoys having youthful mannerisms, and greetings that a high-school student might give. - Prides herself on her youthful looks, diminutive physique. - Has children’s toys for herself (stuffed animals, etc) here and there throughout the house. - It almost feels like instead of us having children, she has assumed the role of a child in our relationship. - This makes it hard for me to consult with her on serious topics, like buying a house, career planning, future planning, etc. because it’s hard to take her seriously.
Sex life is not good - We have not had sex for at least 4 months. She seems mostly okay with this. I’m starting to go crazy, but at the same time I seem to have lost some of my sexual interest in her, and we’re more like close roommates/buddies now. While I was living abroad, we would meet infrequently and have sex on those occasions, but now we seem stuck.
Career concerns - She seems content at her job doing basic accounting work. It’s entry-level and seems based on a lot of analog, outdated bookkeeping rules. She frequently says she’s bored at work, doesn’t seem to do much. No career interest, or interest in advancing. - I have a complex job with a crazy amount of stress. The imbalance between my work and hers makes me feel that it’s unfair. I feel I’m trying hard to support a good lifestyle for both of us but I don’t see her doing the same. (Btw, I pay all the rent and she pays for utilities, household items, and groceries.) - I feel that I can’t really discuss my work in detail with her because I’m a manager handling complex situations, and she is often just watching YouTube at her work. The level of challenge in what we do is significantly different.
Home life - On days off, she basically sits around all day in pajamas and plays games when I’m out exercising, being social, etc. I love playing games too, but it seems our ways of spending days off differ significantly. - On days off, she only seems to go out when I drag her out on dates and stuff. - She is constantly watching me when in the house. I feel her eyes on me all the time. She might consider it doting, or being attentive. But her way of constantly looking at me makes me feel uncomfortable. It’s like I am the focus of her attention. I don’t like this and I have warned her about it several times. I want her to pay less attention to me. - It feels like I am dictating all of our actions: she goes to bed when I do, goes where I want on dates, watches the movies I want to watch, will exercise if I prompt her, etc. Or rather, she seems to enjoy letting me dictate all our actions.
Preferences have drifted apart - We both like games and anime. This is great. - Early after we began dating, I started getting into the world of craft beer. Now, I’m actually part-owner of a brewery, and craft beer is a significant part of my life focus. She doesn’t drink at all. - We do not like the same temperatures. I hate hot weather, she hates cold weather. It makes living together difficult, temperature control, etc. I’m pretty active in cold months, she prefers heat and beaches.
Apologies for the rambling post. Would appreciate observations, comments, ideas.

The Purpose of Life for Man

One of the most direct verses on the subject of "the meaning (or purpose) of (human) life" in the Bible can be found in Revelation:

"Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created."-Revelation 4:11

This, of course, should prompt us to ask what exactly does God take pleasure in?
Conversely, what doesn't He take pleasure in?

"Wherewith shall I come before the Lord, and bow myself before the high God? shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves of a year old? Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, or with ten thousands of rivers of oil? shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?"-Micah 6:6-8

God does not take pleasure in mere outward religiosity and ritual, but rather finds honest acts of love towards Him and others as more important when pertaining to our fulfillment of what God expects from us as His creation. God takes great pleasure in us doing justice, loving mercy, and walking humbly with Him. This is what He requires of us. In other words...

"Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil."-Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

The Book of Ecclesiastes is an existential treatise on the futility of finding any meaning or fulfillment in life apart from God. In it, "the Preacher" (or "Teacher" in some translations) explores the limits of human experiences which may provide meaning or fulfillment in this life before the author of the book inevitably concludes that the only thing we can do that has any kind of meaning or permanence in the end is fearing God and keeping His commandments. The reason for this is because the march of time and our own mortality effectively make most human endeavors hevel. The Hebrew word "hevel" is translated as vanity in the King James.
The following is taken from BibleProject:

In Hebrew, hevel literally refers to “vapor” or “smoke.” The teacher uses this word 38 times throughout the book of Ecclesiastes as a metaphor to describe how life is temporary and fleeting, like a wisp of smoke, but also how life is an enigma or paradox. Smoke appears solid, but when you try to grab it, it’s like nothing is there.

[...]

The author’s basic goal is to target all of the ways we try to build meaning and purpose in life apart from God and then let the teacher deconstruct them. The author thinks that people spend most of their time investing energy and emotion in things that ultimately have no lasting meaning or significance. And so he allows the teacher to give us a reality check.

The Preacher gives us a "reality check" by demonstrating how time and death effectively make things like scientific and artistic discovery (1:10-11), mirth (2:1), alcohol (2:3), architecture (2:4), amassing property (2:7-8), and luxury (2:8) all hevel. Materialism and hedonism fail to fulfill, and though wisdom and righteousness are acknowledged by the preacher to be advantageous, the righteous and wise are still often victims of injustice and unfairness in the world while the wicked get to prosper and have longevity at times (1:13-18). Generally, your life will probably be better by living in the wisdom given in Proverbs (Ecc. 7:11-12; 9:13-18), but it's no guarantee that you will have a good life as bad things still happen to good people, and good things still happen to bad people. This isn't entirely "hevel" but it's confusing and disorienting because things don't always work out the way we think they should in this life.
Again, from BibleProject:

So what’s the way forward in the midst of all this hevel? Paradoxically, the teacher discovers that the key to truly enjoying life is accepting hevel, acknowledging that everything in your life is totally out of your control. About six different times, at the bleakest moments in his dialogue, the teacher suddenly talks about “the gift of God,” which is the enjoyment of the simple, good things in life such as friendship, family, a good meal, or a sunny day.
You and I can’t control the most important things in our lives. Nothing is guaranteed, and, strangely, that’s the beauty of it. When I adopt a posture of complete trust in God, it frees me to simply enjoy life as I actually experience it and not as I think it ought to be. In the end, even my expectations about life, my hopes and dreams, are all “hevel, hevel. Everything under the sun is hevel.”
The teacher’s words come to an end, and the author takes over, bringing the book to a close. He says that it is very important to hear what the teacher has to say. He likens the teacher’s words to a shepherd’s staff with a goad, a pointy end that will hurt when it pokes you. But that pain can ultimately steer you in the right direction towards greater wisdom.
The author warns us not to take the teacher’s words too far. You can spend your entire life buried in books trying to answer the existential puzzles of human life. Don’t exhaust yourself, he says. You’ll never get there. Instead, the author offers his own conclusion that we should “fear God and keep his commands; this is the whole duty of humans. For God will bring every deed into judgment, every hidden thing, whether good or evil” (Ec. 12:13-14).

Fearing the Lord doesn’t guarantee success in this life, but it is the right thing to do, and ultimately God will clear the "hevel" and bring His justice on all we have done. Therefore, we ought to keep God's commandments.
Through Jesus, we see the Bible clearing the confusion many have, and still have, about God's commandments and what exactly they are (in essence, at least):

"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."-Matthew 22:37-40

The apostle Paul puts it like this:

"For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."-Galatians 5:14

The apostle John, like this:

"And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him."-1 John 4:16

In other words, the first and second greatest commandments can be seen as inextricably intertwined, as one cannot truly love God without loving their fellow man, and vice versa.
So, to put it bluntly, the meaning, or purpose, of (human) life according to the Bible is simply love.

"What Does It Mean to Love Biblically?"

But, what exactly is love anyway? We know that, according to the apostle John, God is love. But, what does that mean exactly?
The ancient Greeks had anywhere between four and eight different words for love (depending on the source):

• Storge: affection
  
• Philia or Phileo: friendship
  
• Eros: sexual, erotic
  
• Agape: unconditional, divine, selfless
  
• Ludus: flirtatious, playful, casual, uncommitted
  
• Pragma: committed, long-standing
  
• Philautia: self-love
  
• Mania: obsessive, possessive, addictive, dependent
  

The word translated as "charity" in the KJV's rendering of 1st Corinthians 13 is agape. A more accurate translation of the word would be "love," more specifically, the love of God. In this passage, Paul talks about the importance of having this kind of love for others compared to all the things we might typically obsess over concerning the things of God. Even things like charity to the poor itself, if not motivated by agape, does not impress God! Our motivations and heart matter to God just as much, if not more, than our actions themselves.
This is what the Bible defines as true love, or at least, is the kind of love it's most concerned about.
In order to demonstrate to another that we love them, we sacrifice something. For God, He sent His only begotten Son to die for our sins (John 3:16). For Jesus, he sacrificed himself to save us from our sins:

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."-John 15:13

In essence, true love is self-sacrifice. Putting others before ourselves is the greatest kind of sacrifice.
God didn't have to send His Son, but He did. Jesus didn't have to accept the mission, but he did.
God loves you, and Jesus loves you.
We demonstrate to others that we love them by sacrificing our wants and desires for them. These sacrifices can range from really small, to really big. Loving others is a daily practice of making greater and greater sacrifices.

“You can will to love people. Love is not a feeling. Love is a willing, and the Lord says to love people. He did not mean [to merely] feel love for them” — A.W. Tozer

A stumbling block for many in their walk with God is the inability to love one's enemies and to love unlovable people as Jesus did. It’s difficult for us to show love to people we don’t feel love for; to people we despise or dislike. We also tend to struggle with extending grace and mercy to those who’ve hurt us. I myself often wonder whether I am even capable of loving everyone the way Jesus does.
As I grow in my faith, I realize it’s not that I’m incapable of loving like Jesus; I’m just not always willing to. My unwillingness to love indicates that I am unwittingly adopting the worldly view of love, which is based on feelings and merit. I am choosing not to love people I feel are underserving of my love. The more I study Scripture, though, the more I realize Biblical love is not a feeling or an emotion; it’s a decision. It is an action, and it’s sacrificial. It’s not something you feel; it is, again, something you practice.

“Biblical love is a choice to do good for another person regardless of what we feel. It is a decision to compassionately and righteously pursue the betterment of another person. This is why you can even love your enemies according to Christ’s command.” — Tony Evans

Jesus commands us to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30). He also said, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another” (John 13:34). Since the Lord commands us to love, that means it is within our power to do so; therefore, love is a decision we make. Although feelings will accompany love, it’s not an emotion; it’s the decision to love regardless of how we feel.
As believers, we’re taught to love our enemies, and do good to those who hate us, and if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, "turn to him the other also" (Matt. 5:39). It’s not easy to do; hating our enemies comes naturally to us because of our evil nature. It is impossible to love our enemies on our own strength; we need the help of the Spirit of God.
The decision to love your enemies arises from the decision to obey the will of God and the desire to be Christlike. We choose to love our enemies because God said so and loved us first. Jesus said we are to love as he loved us.

“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”-Romans 5:8

So Biblical love is sacrificial love. It is not a feeling but an act of will; the desire to put the welfare of others above your own. This type of love is not a love based on affection or emotion. Instead, it’s agape love, a love that is not concerned with self but is concerned more with the good of others.
We are not going to like everyone, nor are we called to; we are called to love everyone regardless of how we feel about them. It’s possible to love someone without feeling love for them when we decide to love everyone the way God loves us. The more we love through our actions, the decision to love will become a choice the heart is more willing to make.
Again, this doesn’t mean you will like or feel love for everyone, but when you put your trust in the Lord and pursue wisdom and holiness through prayer and Scripture, you will naturally develop a love for others.
To put it succinctly: Biblical love seeks the best interests of others, even our enemies, often to the detriment of ourselves. "Best interests" here doesn't necessarily mean what the other person thinks are their own best interests. It just means we do for them what we know or believe is best for them, and what we know or believe is best for them should be informed by an active participation with the Spirit of God and by His Word (the Bible) itself. Feelings may or may not accompany this, but how we feel towards the other is not what determines whether or not we're exhibiting the love of God, in the view of Jesus and the apostles. In their view, it's about whether or not we can still decide to seek the best interests of those who might harm us, or who we might not even like.

What the Real Heavenly Treasure Is

Now, this all brings us to an important question that needs to be answered: Is it wrong to love God and others while making a reward the objective for doing so?
We must ask this question, because all throughout Scripture we are told that the faithful followers of God will be "rewarded" some day for everything they've done to merit this. Giving an exhaustive list of passages that proves this point would be endless, but here are some examples of just a few:

"Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou makest a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy rich neighbours; lest they also bid thee again, and a recompence be made thee. But when thou makest a feast, call the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind: And thou shalt be blessed; for they cannot recompense thee: for thou shalt be recompensed at the resurrection of the just."-Luke 14:12-14
"I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive."-Acts 20:35
"But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil."-Luke 6:35

The answer to this question depends on what we define as "rewards." Most will typically adopt some vague idea of material possesions that await the believer when they get to heaven as one's reward for faithfulness towards God, or that the reward is simply an escape from punishment for one's own sins, or perhaps even some combination of these things both.
However, none of these are the "rewards" the Lord is promising to those who obey the first and second commandments. If they were, our motivation to love God and others would ultimately be selfish. Think about it. Our motivation for rewards would inherently be me-centered, and not other-centered.
In the Sermon on the Mount, Christ gives the following command:

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."-Matthew 6:19-21

We know there are heavenly treasures, because Jesus says so, but what are they? The issue of heavenly treasures or eternal rewards is riddled with question marks. It’s a subject that has been abused by some (“Store up treasure by giving to my ministry”) and left in the too-hard basket by others.
But the answer here is simple, and two-fold. One of our rewards are God Himself:

"After these things the word of the Lord came unto Abram in a vision, saying, Fear not, Abram: I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward."-Genesis 15:1
"But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."-Hevrews 11:6

What is the reward of the seeker but to find that which is sought? If you are searching for God, you will find Him and He will be your very great reward.
Now, if you are the newest believer or the eleventh-hour worker, you will be as richly blessed as the oldest, most faithful saint. Eternity will not be divided into the haves and have-nots, for we are all one in the New Jerusalem.
But we can distinguish God our reward from the heavenly treasure that Jesus said can be stored up. You cannot "store up" more of God, after all.
So what are heavenly treasures? The answer may surprise you, but it’s people.

"Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward."-Psalm 127:3

What is the only thing you can take with you? People, a.k.a. eternal friends, a.k.a. spiritual offspring. This Psalm is not just talking about biological children. God has bigger plans for you and they involve spiritual children. Lots of them. Dozens. Hundreds. Thousands. Millions. Don’t limit God.
So much time and effort is spent debating heavenly treasures as though they were some great mystery. What are they? Jesus makes it plain: it's people.

• Just as Abraham was called to be the father of many nations, so are you.
  
• Jesus said those who followed him would be fishers of men. What is a fisherman’s reward? It’s fish, or people in this case.
  
• What is the reward of the one who sows and waters the good seed? It’s a harvest of people.
  
• What is treasure that never wears out and cannot be stolen? It’s people.
  

God's heart cries, “I treasure children. The more, the better!” In Matthew chapter 5, Jesus introduces God as our heavenly Father. In Matthew chapter 6, Jesus says God is a Father who rewards us. And what is a father’s reward?
It is children.
“Sounds great, but I am no evangelist.” You don’t need to be an evangelist to win eternal friends. Believers can live such godly lives that unbelievers will be won to the kingdom (1 Pet. 2:12; Matt. 5:16).
God's desire is to grow the world’s largest family and He treats people like treasure. This is obvious once you see it. Indeed, it’s a theme that runs throughout Scripture:

"For thou art an holy people unto the Lord thy God: the Lord thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people unto himself, above all people that are upon the face of the earth."-Deuteronomy 7:6
"For thou art an holy people unto the Lord thy God, and the Lord hath chosen thee to be a peculiar people unto himself, above all the nations that are upon the earth."-Deuteronomy 14:2
"And the Lord hath avouched thee this day to be his peculiar people, as he hath promised thee, and that thou shouldest keep all his commandments;"-Deuteronomy 26:18
"To whom coming, as unto a living stone, disallowed indeed of men, but chosen of God, and precious, Ye also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ. Wherefore also it is contained in the scripture, Behold, I lay in Sion a chief corner stone, elect, precious: and he that believeth on him shall not be confounded. Unto you therefore which believe he is precious: but unto them which be disobedient, the stone which the builders disallowed, the same is made the head of the corner, And a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offence, even to them which stumble at the word, being disobedient: whereunto also they were appointed. But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;"-1 Peter 2:4-9

Like Jesus, Paul eagerly gave to the poor (Gal. 2:10). He did not give out of religious duty or to put a shine on his reputation. He did it because he loved people and wanted to share the love of God with as many as possible (1 Cor. 13:3).
Life is a gift that is easily wasted. We can waste it running after inferior rewards that rust, or we can do what Jesus and Paul did and invest ourselves in the only reward that lasts: people.

God Is Faithful

Someone once asked me, "Why would God be concerned as to whether or not we 'have trust and confidence in him' when He's judging us and when He determines what our fate will be?"
Having trust and confidence in God, according to the Biblical authors, is required for us to fulfill His commandment that we love Him, and thus also love others. (See Hebrews 11.)
As with a spouse, you cannot truly love them if you do not have some level of trust or confidence in them, and vice versa. All relationships require trust, from both parties. God wants us to trust Him that He will keep His promises towards those of us who love and follow Him. He also wants to trust us that we will enter the kingdom of heaven with a righteous and loving character. He doesn't want another rebellion in paradise, so He's trying to see if we truly love righteousness for righteousness' sake. A truly righteous person wouldn't want to rebel against Him when the time comes that they enter the kingdom of God themselves, because a person with a righteous character wouldn't ever do such a thing.
As Open Theists, we believe we're being consistent in our belief that God, at times, puts trials before us to test whether or not we will remain trustworthy enough in our character to be deemed worthy of entrance into His kingdom. The Classical Theist doesn't have the luxury of being consistent if they have this same belief.
In the Book of Job, Satan makes an accusation towards someone God has deemed as truly righteous: Job.
Satan assails God’s wisdom and character in running the world by alleging that people only serve Him because of what they get out of it. God protects them from disaster and blesses them in other ways. Their obedience, he is suggesting, isn’t really a free choice. "There is no genuine virtue in the world," Satan is claiming. "There are only self-serving bargains, and obedience for the sake of being protected and blessed is one of them. Hence, true holiness and virtuous obedience are an illusion." "Take away a person’s protection," Satan insists, "and let me have my way with people, and they will stop living for God" (Job 1:9-11; 2:4-5).
God has so much faith in Job that he will not succumb to proving the false accusations being levied towards him and God's way of running things in general that He ends up accepting the challenge. For God, this is as much a test of His faith towards His servant as it is for Job for his Lord. The adversary, we see, was assailing God’s integrity and wisdom in overseeing the creation. Satan was, in effect, accusing God of being a Machiavellian ruler. In the context of this narrative, it was an assault that could only be refuted by being put to the test.
Had God simply forced Satan into silence, without proving him wrong, it would have simply confirmed the accuracy of Satan’s charge. It would have shown that there is no integrity or wisdom in how God runs the world after all. "There is only the exercise of power, used to manipulate beings into obeying Him. People serve God only as a bargain, not out of genuine love."
No, the challenge had to be answered by having it put to the test. The most righteous man on the earth was thus chosen to be tested. If Job failed, the narrative suggests, then Satan will have made his point. If he succeeded, however, then God’s wisdom and integrity in running the cosmos will have been vindicated. Hence, the protective fence around Job is removed and Satan is allowed to afflict him.
In the end, Job proves faithful to God and is even referenced in the New Testament as an example of the kind of faithfulness He expected of first century believers facing persecution and trials:

"Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy."-James 5:11

While most of us aren't dealing with the life-threatening kind of persecution that believers faced in the first century, for the very fact that the eschatological end of physical Israel and the Old Covenant system was fastly approaching for them (and already has approached), we still each face our own trials that God puts in our lives as individuals to see if we truly love Him. Job is simply the ultimate example of one who loved God because they chose to, not because God forced them to.
After all, you never know if your love is pure if it isn't tested...

Almost 3 weeks ago I (23F) broke up with my bf (22M) of 3 years. Let's call him Jameson. Not because I didn't love him anymore, but because the situation was unbearable. He was super depressed and anxious, he lied, manipulated, got angry, everything was always difficult. I felt alone in the relationship and the trust was gone especially when I found out he financially cheated. I know he is not a bad person, but his behaviour did really hurt me.
Some important back ground info: After the first year together we wanted to study together because we didn't want to be long distance anymore. I said I would break up otherwise. I got in but Jameson didn't. The period after I felt pretty alone and heartbroken, he didn't seem to care as much, I was trying to fix it all on my own. He said he was trying back then but I don't know what he did to "try". I ended up emotionally cheating for 1 week because I really needed some compagnionship and laughter. After that we were never the same ever again. This happened 1,5 years ago. In the year after I really had to constantly prove myself and I really improved as a gf, but not to the point I want to be at yet.
The year after Jameson didn't get in again, but he moved to my parents house to start a study there. So he was still closer to me than if he would've stayed in his home country. Most of plan A and B were my idea and I had to really push him to apply, but he was also not coming up with alternatives himself or communicating his feelings. This is important because now he can easily blame me.
We were now finally closer together and he didn't seem that enthusiastic. Jameson barely went to school, do sport or social activities, he only started to work in january and used gaming as a coping mechanism. He neglected the relationship and himself. So after a long period of this I decided to end things. My psychologist said I was enabling his depression and I didn't want to do that. So I told him to go back to his home country. Before his departure and now even more he has been even more cold and distant.
We did end things with we love eachother a lot but it's not working like this. I asked for a week of space and to call after. Overall I have felt relieve because all the sudden my life was so much easier, but I have really missed the good parts of the relationship and the friendship we also had.
We finally called yesterday after 1,5 weeks of space and it didn't go as I hope it would. Jameson said he wanted to give me this call because I didn't get closure from my previous boyfriend. But he was cold and distant and not very interested in me. He also didn't want to discuss the relationship or certain things that happened. Especially with how friendly things were when he left I thought we would at least be friends after a while. I also wanted to keep the door slightly open for the future in case we both improved and still had a connection. Because we have a lot in common and want the same things in life so I thought maybe then we can make it work.
But Jameson was talking about a closed door and he wasn't to keen to keep in touch or be friends anymore. I wasnt planning on getting back together, but I didn't expect my sweet Jameson to go 180 on me like this. He said he fell out of love with me when I emotionally cheated and has love me less and less over time. Even though I did everything for him and was improving he didn't want to forgive, or didn't know how to. But he also didn't leave himself or planned on breaking up himself. I really thought sending him away and stop enabling his depression would finally make him want to be the boyfriend I needed. When I think about how we were and when I look at pictures he definitely still cared for me and was obsessed with me physically.
I feel really weird after the call, I don't believe he is fully speaking the truth about his feelings for me. But his attitude is so cold, he dyed his hair, all the sudden he is having a social life again, willing to sell his pc, almost like the Jameson I knew doesn't exist anymore. We said we could keep in touch like once a week but I'm thinking of leaving that ball in his court right now because of his lack of enthusiasm.
Has anyone ever had a similar situation? Tips or some compassion are also very welcome!
TLDR: I broke up with my bf because I was enabling his depression, but hoped for a friendship and keeping the door open for the future, he went full 180 and seems completely fine now without me and is keeping his distance.

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growing up, everything came easy for me. i did everything effortlessly whether it be academics, relationships, friendships etc. but now, all i do is try try try haha iykyk
not only am i slowly drifting from friends, i find it hard to make new ones especially as a homebody. last year, my parents separated and my grandmother passed. these events led to me being demotivated in college, and so i was dismissed from my state uni. although i transferred to an online school na, i still feel like a failure and always worry whether i’ll fail in every other aspect. when i applied to a bpo recently after being unemployed for seven months, it felt like i turned a new leaf and was excited for all the possibilities. but when i started training, i would always get anxiety and it was draining to the point that i thought of ways on how i can be hospitalized so i couldnt go to work. ending nag-awol ako and i feel defeated nanaman. i used to always step out of my comfort zone, i did things scared, pero ngayon parang lagi nalang naooverwhelm and i end up bailing.
these days i have so much i want to accomplish and i have all the steps laid out pero i cant seem to move. i always feel like life is passing me by and i’m always grieving over the versions of myself i could have been had i not been controlled by my anxiety, all the experiences, people, opportunities na lagi ko pinapalipas.
i never knew being in your twenties could be this much of a struggle haha it will also be my first time going to therapy tomorrow so finallyy she’s seeking help

Apologizes for the long post, some important details to explain in the beginning to help better set the stage to explain things.. So my fiancé and I got engaged back in 2021 after dating for 10 years, being high school sweethearts & moving down south together to start a new life together where it’s more affordable. We’ve always managed to do ok for ourselves & are completely self sufficient. With that said our jobs pay well but we still struggle sometimes.. which is part of the reason why we haven’t tied the knot just yet.
We originally set our date to fall of 2023 back in spring of 2022.. proposed to our bridesmaids and groomsmen, mailed out save the dates, etc. In early spring of 2023, my fiancé ended up getting hurt at work which required surgery on his shoulder.. with the timing of everything this would mean he’d still be in a sling at the wedding.. we made the hard decision to postpone our big day to next fall of 2024 so we could both properly enjoy our big day and sent out new save the dates immediately. (This gave all our guests little over a years notice of the switch)
Jumping to the whole point of this now, December 2023 comes around and my best friend of 18 years gets engaged to her now fiancé whom she started dating right after I moved & barely know aside from the stories she tells me yet I’m OVER the moon for her ! (How exciting I am to have someone to go thru this wedding stuff with who can related !?) She is so excited and starts planning immediately & they tour venues the following week. They toured 2 venues & instantly loved 1 of them and immediately put down a deposit. She tells me right after and sends me pics & it’s this gorgeous venue that is also right on the wateocean. I am so shocked they lucked out so fast and ask when’s the wedding ?! She told me the date LITERALLY 3 weeks before my wedding…
At this point I’m speechless.. I immediately while in a state of shock congratulate her.. I’m so happy for you...
I told this to my fiancé who’s known my BFF just as long as me as we all grew up & went to the same school & he was FURIOUS & hurt.. he said it was selfish & that she basically f’d me over by getting married literally 1 month prior to us. He now wants nothing to do with her and refuses to speak to her again or attend their wedding period due to the disrespect of it all. I’m not a confrontational person & was so hurt by all this.. but knew I had to address it with her.. I waited a week or 2 then explained how hurt both me and my fiancé are & how difficult of a situation this puts us in (given she’s my BFF & knew how sad I was to have had to postpone the year prior) & how it hurt that they could consider his brothers feelings and his big day but not mine ?
(FYI she’s an only child if it means anything & we were so close my parents call her their daughter & I refer to her as my sister… she also told me I’d be her maid of honor whenever she’d get married bc of how close we are.. she was at least smart enough to not throw that on my plate thankfully.. however not to sound arrogant but if our dates weren’t on top of each other I’m POSITIVE she would’ve asked me)
Shel went into “defense” mode and instantly began stating why they chose the date..
1) her fiancés little brother is getting married in 2025 & so he refuses to get married the same year as it’s “not fair to steal his spotlight” if I remember correctly
2) it’s their dream venue
3) the only available dates left for 2024 was that last week of summer or November 2024.. she stated that bc her venue is on the water, she couldn’t do November bc of her elderly grandmother and how she could get sick (which is understandable)
4) they want to start having kids like now so they are in a rush to get married asap
Now this left me in such a weird feeling of confusion, hurt & sadness.. she already agreed to be my bridesmaid 2 yrs ago, our other mutual best friend who is a single mom as her child’s father passed was now asked to also be her bridesmaid too.. we have a TON of mutual friends & guests & with me moving down south 5 yrs ago & having the wedding down here.. my wedding is kinda considered a “destination” wedding as majority of our guests are traveling to our state.
She then tried to smooth it over by saying how she never meant to make me feel that way & then blamed her fiancé bc HE wanted that date & “didn’t give her any other option”… By her blaming it also makes me want to believe her bc he has always been very controlling of her.. constantly makes comments about her weight & says she’s getting fat, calls her 3x a day to see if she went to the gym, gets mad if she ever plays Xbox w me once in a blue moon bc that makes her “lazy” (mind you she’s an LPN and works 12 hour shifts smtns and is ALWAYS on her feet, she never wants to do nothing period- she has gastro issues that cause bloating & HE KNOWS THIS). He always tells her she’s not allowed to cut her hair prior to the wedding bc HE wants it long.. and it’s not like he asks or says it nicely either.. (bottom line, me and the rest of her bridesmaids strongly dislike him for all this and several other reasons which we’ve told her for years but are trying to be supportive bc in the end it’s her life/decisions )
Fast forward a little more, right after I tell her this & she gives me that story.. I tell her I need some time to heal, get over it, etc.. but that I love her bc she’s like a sister to me and I can’t imagine missing her big day or not being apart of it…
About a week or 2 after this, her MOH starts a chat and surprisingly has her bridal shower & Bach dates picked out already.. leaving me with not many options of when to do mine as mine will also be up North since none of my family is down south.. this makes my fiancé even more mad bc now he’s saying how I have to plan around her & this adds to why he was initially pissed bc it takes my spotlight away that I’ve patiently waited for.. so her Bach is May 2024 & shower is June 2024.. wedding last day of August 2024.. I decline her bach bc I can’t afford/take more time off work to travel.. and said I’d aim for shower if I can and yes to her wedding..
my Bach & Shower are now in July 2024.. back for back weekends so I’m up there for a week and a half for both.. (I had no idea how else to make it work at this point so just decided to do it all together.. )
She just had her Bach this past weekend and apparently she fought and said mean things to ALL of her bridesmaids and they are all pissed at her and 1 even dropped out of her wedding all together because of it.. our mutual BFF went and called me in tears when she got home bc of how selfish she was acting apparently & basically told them all that “this weekend was all about her and it’s not like any of them are getting married anytime soon or have anything excited going on in their lives so they need to get their shit together” (this was the 1st night on a Friday after everyone worked an 8+ hour day then drove 4-5 hours to the Airbnb). They dropped so much $ on this trip for her and she got into a verbal altercation with each of the 7 of them about how they weren’t doing enough to “party” and have fun with her the moment they got there.. this same argument continues the next day/night apparently to the point NOBODY wanted to be near her as they felt they’d be her next target. Come morning, everyone packed their stuff & ran home upset that the whole weekend they planned was nothing but arguments and ruined..
After hearing this & the comments she made, it really sent my thoughts racing.. how can she be so selfish to these girls whom I watched and helped from afar plan this whole trip for her? I’ve only been “gone” for 5 yrs and visited at least 1-2x a year since & constantly kept in touch everyday but I don’t recognize this person who’s supposed to be my BFF anymore..
To sum up this whole thing now.. I’m torn.. should I have ever bothered letting my initial hurt of the whole month before our wedding situation go in the first place when I forgave her? My Father, FIL & SIL are just as pissed as my fiancé is and don’t understand how I could just be okay with it all but commended me on being the bigger person to save my 18+ yr friendship bc they couldn’t.. Should I just back out of shower too and or her wedding entirely to save myself the extra stress ? I also have my Bach & Shower in July & her still one of my bridesmaids on top of all this to which some of my other bridesmaids are also mad at her for the situation & also agree w my fiancé who messed up it is… 🤦🏻‍♀️ SOS & please be kind to me if you can.. I’ve been so emotionally all over the place bc of this 🙏🏻🫶🏻

Long story short: 2 months ago my ex of 2 years in long distance dumped me via text, saying he needed time for himself and wants to focus on his goals. Everything was going super well apart the last month together, bc he'd rather spend time playing video games w his friends than calling me max twice a week. I immediately went no contact with him, only for him to reach out after 2 weeks saying he misses me, he can't let go of me, would love to keep me in his life but isn't ready to be in a relationship with anyone yet.
We started texting almost everyday since then, and I told him 2 times that I couldn't give him a friendship bc obvs I still have feelings for him, and he said that he hopes this time in contact would clear his head. A little over 2 weeks ago he started following this girl on instagram. She likes EVERY SINGLE post he makes, and I think they went out last week bc I could recognise his car from her story. Bear in mind, I proposed to follow each other on instagram if he felt comfortable w it, only for him to lie and say ''he wasn't using it that much, but to send him a request and he'd confirm once he'd download it again''. Only when I told him ''hey I know you're using it, why can't you just be direct and say you feel uncomfortable with me seeing what you're up to?'', he confirmed me. I found out he still has all our pics together, and posts of myself too, but also put up again posts with his ex prior to me from 5 years ago??? this girl ''allegedly'' traumatized him bc she was stalking his family and his co-workers and committed self harm. He swears he doesn't have feelings for her at all, and was just ''deleting his archived posts''. Why would he keep my pics then?
Yesterday I couldn't deal with all of these lies anymore, and directly asked him whether he was seeing that new girl, to which he replied ''no, she's just a friend. She asked me to come w her to a concert, but I'm too lazy to go hahah i don't want to'', and then I straight up asked him whether he still likes me or not. Obviously, as his usual, he ignored the text. For me, that was the realisation that I need to completely cut this guy out of my life, for the way he treats me, the way he chooses to lie to me despite him swearing he ''loves and cares for me, thinks i'm beautiful and likes how i am as a whole''.
Last text I sent was ''very mature of you to ignore these types of questions.'', to which he replied ''I wasn't ignoring you, I ''forgot'' to reply to it. By the way, just because of this, I almost don't like you''.

i really need anyone to listen to my shitty situation because i've got no one else to talk to.
this guy made me fall for him so hard we've been friends for the better part of 2 years. this guy is the only person to be able to grab my attention he is so gentle funny and sweet, he is really really beautiful but he doesn't realise it he thinks he is an ogre but i genuinely have never seen someone as beautiful as him. his simle and laugh are the only things i find worth anything in life. but he is really insecure there are some people in life who he looks up to and they make him seriously insecure and i can tell.
he doesn't know i love him, i never tried to even give a hint that i was, i was content with our friendship i had the best time in the world with the best, but i think its ending lately he has been just down right neglectful and absent. he is ditching me for a group of friends that he found no more calls texts no more hang outs. nothing. i became close to nothing for this guy almost instantly, i was thinking maybe he is just that way the type to get bored of people quick maybe his insecurities are pushing him to finding bigger groups of friends even if it meant ditching the old ones. maybe i am only so worked up over him because i love him in a way he could never reciprocate.
bottom line is i am jealous and bitter, i want to get better but i can't. also i keep having dreams about him and my mind apparently loves to torture me because l just woke up from a dream where i confessed my love and he reciprocated and we even kissed. as if there is a better way to start a day. i don't want our friendship to fucking end in fact i want it to go back to how it was but this time with him knowing i am in love with him.
ps the story is a lot more complicated than it seems, and its not completely one sided, the friendship started from his end he took charge and called me his best friend.

Apologies for any formatting issues; I'm on mobile
I've been friends with this girl for about 5 years now. We've gotten very close and I still have love for her but I just don't feel like this friendship is adding much to my life anymore since I don't feel like our relationship is very equal.
For context/background, I recently experienced a series of deaths in my immediate family as well as moving to another city so I've been going through a lot of stress and emotional turmoil. I would call her from time to time and admittedly a lot of those phone calls would be me crying and moping around. I hoped that she would be supportive but most of those calls would just result in telling me that I had bad vibes or change the subject back to her, usually about her dating life. I've been there for her for when her long term boyfriend broke up for her and even staying with her for weeks to make sure she was ok but when my mother passed, she didnt call me back until the next day and spent maybe an hour with me the next day since she had made dinner plans with someone else.
I did express to her that I felt like she hadn't been there for me as a friend and it felt like she didnt understand why I was upset but she apologized and I just didnt have the emotional capacity to fight with her so I just accepted her apology and I've just been cordial with her at this point. I don't really have the desire to continue this friendship anymore but we have a lot of mutual friends and I can't deal with any drama but she's texted me asking "why I don't love her anymore". I have no idea how to respond since I wanted to just let this friendship fizzle out and avoid conflict since I dont think she understands why I've been keeping my distance.

So I am going to go into insane detail.
Me and my friend have known each other for awhile. It started as a group and slowly faded into just me and her until about 2020. Work and school kept us apart and we slowly faded away from each other, I even started to form a new group of friends.
Somewhere around 2022 we somehow started talking again and hanging again but it was only after I no longer spoke to the other individuals due to distance. So from 2022-now we have been friends again but it’s so so awkward all the time… it never feels natural and there’s always a feeling of awkward tense energy. Even when we joke it’s always awkwardly followed by “I’m just kidding”
Also she’s going through a breakup and I don’t want to end the friendship in the middle of that… and I give her 100% honest advice but instead of using the advice I give her she repeatedly asks me the same questions over and over like my answer will one day change and I’ll tell her the failing relationship will work. Which it won’t.
Am I being shallow? Am I selfish? Be blunt with me people. I decided to come up with all the good vs bad
Good:

• Someone to talk too
• she loves to drive everywhere
• Very open minded
• we both are very artistic and love doing diy activities -we both love long trips -we work at the same place
• I think she’s a good person

Bad:

• Always complaining about small things
• over reactions (started crying when her cat scratched her, cries when she has no 420)
• Never ever takes accountability but instead finds reasons as to why the things happen without her fault
• never doing chores
• always talking about being depressed but taking no steps to move forward
• our music taste and movie taste are completely different
• also very lazy… she calls out for very minor things

Here’s an example of how awkward things are:
So I made a joke about how at work this guy was hitting on me blah blah blah… I told her that I went to help him and his feet were stinky… instead of laughing like I would expect she not only took it serious but also made it about herself talking about how her shoes might stink at work and blah blah blah.
We’re also supposed to be moving in together. I’m holding it off by saying I’m not financially comfortable to move yet. In reality I just don’t want to make a huge mistake.
Anyways. Thanks for reading it’s 4am so I may delete after I wake up I’m not sure but please help me…

My ex gf (32F) and I (35M) broke up after 9 total years. Have I just made a huge mistake?
My ex gf (32F) and I (35M) broke up after 9 years. Have I made a giant mistake as result of my circumstances?
We were together 6 years. First year or two was all gravy. Then we started having fights and it got so bad at year 6 we split up. A year later we started hanging out lightly again and fell back in love. She moved back in. Things went well again for a while. 6 months ago or so things started to get bad again. We agreed to pursue couples counseling. This wasn’t very effective unfortunately, which has added to the hurt if that makes sense.
When we fight (or fought), and I’m sort of ashamed to admit this, it bleeds into other areas of my life. Jobs were impacted. I felt like I didn’t have the energy to give due to the stress from constant arguing and intense arguing. My family relationships were sort of impacted because of the stress and constantly trying to seek out advice. Same with some friendships. I’ve had certain friends and folks that have wanted us to see it end for years. “But hey what do they know? We know the situation best.”
The truth is this person IS one of the few people on this planet that I feel genuinely cared about me aside from family, and the ONLY girl I’ve ever met who showed the kind of care and interest in me as she did. But we always seemed to be struggling to meet each other’s needs. For years there was a theme of her feeling unappreciated and unloved. For me, we didn’t go out and enjoy life enough. We rarely or very infrequently interacted with each other’s families. This frustrated me moreso vs her. Lots of my family is very local to me.
Look, I am not perfect and I am far from it. I’ve been unemployed for a year. But I did use my CC and my retirement funds to pay my way. I never borrowed money and she was very supportive and “cool” with my not working while I contemplated the next career step. I had a bad ending with my last company where I had lost both my grandfathers very close to each other, one of them to a self inflicted gunshot wound. It def effected me.
Anyways, two months ago I started putting two honest feet forward. I started applying to jobs. I’ve been exercising and have lost 10lbs in the last month alone, and down from 253 to 235 this year. I took on individual therapy a month ago even though I cannot afford it. Mostly to help get past prior work frustrations.
And then one day two weeks ago shit hit the fan with our relationship. Her feeling unappreciated and unloved for years and years culminated. She said she was done with couples counseling and I needed to fully focus on individual. This upset me. Things escalated, and we broke up.
I feel quit on. And betrayed. But I also feel past mistakes with work etc snowballed and she grew tired of insecurities I was expressing and complaining about regarding comparing to my working successful peers. In her words, she no longer knew how to offer support and felt unappreciated and unloved.
One thing that bugged me is we agreed to pursue individual therapy together at the recommendation of our couples counselor. She never got around to it. She blamed “delays in the Kaiser network.”
I feel I have pushed away and cut out someone special in my life. I am sad/numb. I fear this is just culmination of my mistakes and she grew tired of a “loser.”
What happened? Did I simply mess up?
TLDR: 9 year relationship ended. We tried counseling. We both felt our needs werent met constantly to where counseling wasnt effective. She has a good heart. Feel like she genuinely cared about me but it seemed hard so often to go out casually or spend time with each other’s families. She felt unappreciated and unloved, I felt betrayed when after acknowledging I needed to move forward in my life with career and fixing our relationship and putting two honest feet forward for the last 2 months and she quit when things escalated one day and we both felt wronged. Hard letting go. Feeling like I screwed up and this is all my fault and I just kind of suck at life?

Everything you did was always out of your control. You never held yourself accountable for your own actions. Maybe it was "a bad day" or "you were was so stressed that you forgot" but in 3 years I only ever got a decent apology once and that was for you constantly screaming at me during our arguments. Your mother is a raging narcissist so you didn't even want me to usher the word in your presence. Everytime you hurt me and I asked you to change the things that made me feel small you always ended with "I don't want to promise you because I'm not sure I won't do it again and it will only hurt you more " knowing damn well that I would rather hear you promise me and see you fail trying instead of not even committing to it in the first place. It always made me feel like you were still trying to give yourself an excuse again when you did the same shit over and over again. You often said "You can't expect me to change over night, it takes time" even when I asked you for small things like hanging up my towel after showering because you put yours on the drying rack and mine crumbled up on the washing machine. You don't need weeks to show consideration for other when your brain works in a normal way that understands affection and appreciation. When I was down or annoyed because you treated me bad it was always me who apparently didn't have his emotions under control. Everytime you did something wrong or selfish it was always my fault. You often said things like "I was afraid how you would react so I got scared and stressed" so I had to apolizige to you for your own behaviour. For 3 years I always apologized, got more angry, aggressive and turned into a person I wouldn't even want to have around myself. Your friends tell you I'm being overdramatic and crazy because you never tells them how unappreciated you made me feel. You only mention the things that triggered me at specific moments and downplayed them because without context they didn't seem that grand. You never had anyone als close as me in your life who would see the real you, relied on you and would hold you accountable for your own actions. Most of your friendships are just texting every few days, talking over discord every few weeks or meeting up with a different person out of a pool of 20 twice a week to go to Burger King. Every time it came up you started crying and screaming that these people are your family. When we talked about things that hurt me you always cried to try to somehow end the conversation and when I mentioned the things at a later time you accused me of "Starting all over again" because in your mind the topic was finished. Because my feelings didn't matter and your promise to maybe do better should be enough for me. You didn't care how anxious and lonely it made me feel. You always acted as if you considered my feelings but your actions showed otherwise. At first I was sad that you replaced me in only a week but it isn't love. You want to fill the void because you are an empty husk. You have a crush on someone who has had the same trans experience as you and are a slave to your own hormones because of the testosterone indunced puberty. I feel sorry for him because you are going to hurt him as well. You can't think of others and will never be able to have genuine relationships. A lot of selfishs acts were excused by your need for polyamory and how you can love multiple people at once when you couldn't even commit to a single person to begin with. When you were broken and alone I build you up and and supported you without any conditions. Now that you broke me I get tossed aside. During the first year I couldn't even be alone for one hour a day to decompress because it made you feel rejected and alone even when you knew damn well about my ADHD induced sensory overload and how important it was for my mental health. My feelings didn't matter because you drowned them out with your crying and loneliness. I was foolish enough to let you. I feel genuinely sorry for you because you think you are a good person but you won't even consider your own illness because of your childhood trauma. Your own therapist isn't going to considering narcissisn because you twists your own memories into a way that fits your current feelings so you will never get the help you need and be held accountable for your own actions. How often did I hear that your friends think I'm making it all up but how would these people ever see the real you when your interactions are limited to talking on discord every few weeks, them staying over once every 3 months to go out for partying or you going to burger king to chat with them for a few hours once a month. You told me a lot of people considered you to be their best friend in the past but all your connections are shallow and artifical. Otherwise you wouldn't have broken down the second I gave you genuine affection on our third date for the first time in your life. How often did I make breakfast in bed, did your laundry, bought your groceries or picked you up from work as a surprise without you even asking and you never tried the same for me because "I just don't think of those things". You would rather stay in bed till 14:00 to watch YouTube Shorts while I was at work. I gave too much for to little. I wake up in the morning with burning skin and a pressure on my chest that leaves me breathless because I imagine you with him but it will pass. Your selfishness won't. I hope you get the help you need. Goodbye.

Reddit Account: u/Thenn_Applicant
Discord Tag: Garin
Name and House: Dorian Merryweather
Age: 49
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: [Dorian's chestnut brown hair has been greying for quite a while, however is short beard retains more color, including a few stray red hairs peppered throughout it. While his features have softened and gained some pudge as he aged past his prime, he remains in overall good shape. This is partly due to his great love of gardening and crop cultivation, which have left his hands and nails rather rough.](Dodin-Bouffant-The-Taste-of-Things-Vest.webp (500×650) (williamjacket.com))
Trait: Numerate
Skills: Avaricious (e), Architect, Administrator, Investor
Talents: Language (High Valyrian) Cooking, Gardening
Negative Trait: N/A
Starting Title: Lord of Longtable
Starting Location: Opening Event
Biography:
It has been said; men grow tired of sleep, love, singing and dancing, sooner than war. As such, it begs the question, what does a man have left when he finally tires of war? In pursuit of an answer, of any answer, one half of Dorian Merryweather’s life was spent. He was the second son of Lord Arthor Merryweather of Longtable. Like many others born in a place of natural abundance, he longed for more, for something greater than a mere provincial estate. The tourneys of Highgarden, the hunts of Horn Hill and the books of Oldtown all called to him, and so he could never ride past his father’s mild and verdant fields fast enough. Dorian counted himself lucky not to be the heir, for that meant he could pick where his future lay, unchained from the uninspiring home of his childhood. Instead it was his older brother, Bennard, who envied his free-flying lifestyle, contriving any excuse to join him on his escapades and agurk lessons and ceremonies he ought to have attended.
Lord Arthor was fairly permissive of this deriliction of duties, as the friendships forced on such journeys were worth more than lessons that could be repeated later, or tasks that could be handed off to lowborn stewards. The boys attended tourneys, balls, hunts and feasts, living the life the bards extolled as the height of reachman’s chivalry. The one time they did not shirk their duties was when their father had the honor of hosting King Mern and his court for a tourney on the Warrior’s day. The Merryweather sons would present the king and his family with silver bowls of dilligrout, a most exquisite stew of capons, white wine and almond milk. They had the joy of tasting it once the Gardeners had their fill, a taste they would never forget. On the tournament field three days later, Mern knighted them both, though Dorian was only sixteen at the time, green as a knight could ever be.
Five years later, as news of Aegon Targaryen and his early conquests spread, the lords of the Reach were summoned to Goldengrove, where they found a veritable forest of Westermen’s banners being planted beside their own. The fall of the Storm Kings had led to a whirlwind of diplomacy between the houses of Gardener and Lannister. The plan was presented to the lords with the two kings sitting beside one another on the dais as though they were brothers. They held up Aegon’s letter of demands, scornfully reading it aloud and then proceeded to tear it up to a roaring acclamation from the hall. Standing there before the hall, Mern could hardly be called the Warrior incarnate. There stood a man well past his prime, old enough to be a grandfather and with no great victories to his name, in battle or on the tourney field. All the same, this man, whom they called their king, always seemed to know exactly what to say to win someone over. If he’d declared war on hell itself that evening, the Merryweather brothers would probably still have marched off with him when the next morning dawned. Bennard and Dorian shouted as loud as anyone, death to the foreign upstart. That evening were betrothed to westerwomen they’d never met before, made plans for a real battle, which they had never fought in before, and drank, ate and sang as though the night would last forever. House Merryweather was not able to secure a command, yet King Mern remembered his stay at Longtable fondly. He gave Bennard and Dorian a place in the vanguard, and even adorned Bennard with a brooch of the order of the green hand the morning before the army Goldengrove, a momentous honor which Bennard would cherish for the remainder of his days. He did not have many left, as it turned out. The Field of Fire began like a dream, as the two brothers rode off at the break of dawn, two out of five thousand sets of gleaming armor atop proud warhorses. By the end of the day it had become a nightmare. Caught up in the maelstrom of battle, Dorian did not see the moment when their loss was assured, but the Gods know he could hear it, the creeping, hungry flames that descended on the reachmen like an army of its own. As hundreds were broiled inside their steel plate and thousands more choked on the inferno’s horrible vanguard of black smoke, Bennard and Dorian broke and fled. They were not far behind the retreating Loren Lannister in their escape, but half a minute made all the difference. The lines of fire fanned out, hunting more living things to devour, and engulfed the two brothers. Dorian could feel how the flames spread from his surcoat to his undershirt, all the way down to the hairs on his chest, beginning to sear his skin. In a desperate act he threw himself in the Blackwater, and would have perished if not for the shoddy work of his squire that morning, which left him able to tear off his plate before he could sink. With bloodied, burn-marked fingers, he clung to the roots of a tree by the riverside, water up to his chest. He was retrieved after some time, how long he could not say. For the next two moons his mind was adrift, distracted from his pains by milk of the poppy. The next two were far worse, as he grew more lucid and realized the extent of the damage. A burn-mark stretched from his right thigh, all the way up his chest and left bicep to the apple of his neck. Many times over, flakes of dead or dying skin had to be peeled off by the maester as the scabs kept bursting with blood and clear liquid. By the end of that year he was able to walk again, though the burn mark would leave a feverish red mark across the front of his body, his new skin settling into twisted lines.
Bennard was far worse for wear, alive yet burned all the way to his face and crippled from a fall off his horse. His nose and ear-lobes had to be cut off, too burned to save, and even his eyelids were permanently scarred, unable to sprout new lashes. The more lucid Bennard became, the deeper his sorrow. Eventually he began refusing food. The new lord of Longtable would not eat anything his cooks set in front of him. In spite of his ever present pains, Dorian began going to the kitchens, reprimanding the cooks for their failings. He knew his brother well and knew his palette, and began ordering them to make his brother’s favorites. When he felt they were making mistakes, he interrupted their work himself. He was a stranger to the kitchen, yet would criticize how things were cut too roughly, spiced too little or too much. He was a terror to the cooks, yet they could not refuse him.
His attempts to intervene were however hampered by a newfound aversion to heat. The sound of the hearth, of boiling and searing, the general sense of warmth around him made him nauseous and caused his movements to seize up. Still, he went to his brother’s bedside every day, and afterwards he forced himself back to the kitchens. His sister, Lydia, tried to stop him at first, but soon found her protes fell on deaf ears, and so joined him, if only to leash him in when he went too far. Finally, there was only one dish they hadn’t tried; the dilligrout they’d once served to the late King Mern. Every time it was made, it came out wrong. It soon turned out the cook who had served them that evening six years ago had since retired, and his exact method had never been recorded or taught to anyone else. Dorian would first invite the man to Longtable, then summon him with armed knights when invitations were refused.
Theomar, the man who appeared before him, was a sorry sight, looking frightened and confused as he was taken to his old workplace. It was explained by his sons that he’d been growing senile even six years ago, often snapping at the kitchen maids under him when his memory failed him. Since then he’d gotten worse, seldom eating, let alone cooking. Something in the old man’s eyes did seem to brighten for a moment when the sounds and smells of his old kitchen surrounded him, and Dorian ordered him to make dilligrout. Before long that faint spark had been drowned out by tears. He would start boiling capon or crushing almonds, only to leave the job half-done whenever he had to fetch something new. Serving maids were put at his disposal to bring him ingredients, yet an ingredient ordered would be met with a reprimand as he seemed to forget which dish he was making every few minutes. Finally Dorian snapped at the man, grabbing him by his collar and shouting accusations of treason against House Merryweather. By the time Lydia could restrain him and try to apologize, the man was a wreck on the floor. After watching it for a while, waiting for the man to get up and continue his work, even Dorian was overcome by pity and shame for what he’d done. The old cook was praying to the gods, begging forgiveness for his failings. Dorian began to realize he’d broken a great man down and would himself beg forgiveness. He offered the man his old cook’s quarters back for the rest of his life, and promised his sons that his maester would tend to the man in his old age, that he would be fed from Longtable’s stores.
At this point, he resolved to make the dilligrout himself. Through it all, Bennard was barely clinging to life, or rather being tethered to it by the will of others. He could only be fed when drugged down by the milk of the poppy, and the more often it was used, the less effective it became. Every day Dorian braved the kitchens, yet he could not recreate the flavor of that wonderful night. It was by the grace of the gods, perhaps with Theomar as their vessel, that Dorian would even come close. The old man could no longer cook, but over time he began to wander into the kitchens and sit down on a chair. At first Dorian thought the man only sought the warmth of the hearth for his weary bones, yet he discovered it to be more than that. Theomar’s eyes were like clouded glass, yet they brightened every now and then, hearing almonds being ground, smelling capons searing in fat, as though it was stirring the kitchenmaster of yore back to life. Eventually Dorian began to walk up to the old cook with his ingredients, bidding him to smell or taste small portions. Sometimes he got simple instructions out of it, ‘too coarse’, ‘too sour’, ‘underdone’. Som times a mere nod or frown was all Theomar managed. Over the course of a couple of days, Dorian put together one final attempt to get the dish made rightWhen he arrived in Bennard’s chamber, he was met with a look which brought forth discomfort that no flame could produce in Dorian. Plainly, raspingly, his brother asked him why he wouldn’t let him die. It was easy, Bennard reasoned. All Dorian needed to do was wait and become lord. The words almost made Dorian throw the dilligrout on the floor. Almost. He placed two bowls on Bennard’s table, the dilligrout and one brimming with milk of the poppy. Dorian told his brother to make his choice. If he sought death, Dorian would let him, but he would not hear that it was an easy thing, watching his brother die. That evening, the milk of the poppy was carried away by the maester, the empty bowl of stew taken to be washed in the kitchens. From then on, Bennard ate what his brother brought him without complaint. He lasted just into the new year, dying on its tenth day. In the predawn gloom of the twelfth, Theomar died in his sleep
Dorian took up his lordly task joylessly. His old wanderlust returned, spurred by the horrible memories that now stained Longtable and the reach itself in his mind. The final straw came when their new Tyrell overlords, insisted on him marrying a lady from a dornish house. His previous betrothal had fallen through, as the parents of his western bride had not wished to draw the ire of the Targaryens by maintaining an old alliance meant to oppose them. Instead of obliging, he boarded a ship from Oldtown going east. It stopped only briefly in Planky Town before going to Tyrosh. Noting him to be a nobleman, a few of the city’s wealthy men would host him for a while, though they quickly lost interest when his lack of knowledge of trade became apparent. After that, he spent time in the markets and squares where the common people lived. His old curiosity was piqued, and he decided to embark on a quest of learning, fashioning himself another Lomas Longstrider. He moved on to Myr, and the experience was much the same in broad strokes, a few rich men showed interest and quickly lost it. As he’d visited the dye markets he went to see the city’s famous artisans at work. One thing was notably different, he met a Tyroshi woman with green-dyed hair, going by the name Maryah. She was a trader, and the two had taken the same ship to Myr. She had been to Myr before and showed him many of its secrets. They spent an entire day in one of the vast delicacy markets so she could show him the many tastes of the city. Having no plans in advance, he asked where she was headed next.
Without a second thought he would join her on a journey to Lys. He soon understood it to be a test. It was not long before she teased him, speculating he’d only joined her for a chance to see the famous pleasure houses. Evening after evening they stayed in the city and Maryah would tease and test him over the matter. Finally he told her he’d renounce his betrothal for her, that there was no one else in his eye. She laughed, replying he would not have to. The next morning, Dorian awoke to find that she was already up, the green washed from her black curls. Maryah had in fact been Joanna Dayne, his dornish bride to be, having traveled the same route as him ever since his ship stopped at Planky Town to refill its food and water. She was already quite familiar with the three closest free cities, having served as a dornish envoy on behalf of its spice traders. As they planned their return to Westeros, Joanna asked him what else in the world he wanted to see. Within a few moons of being wed, they left Westeros, not to return for three years.The journey was what his mind needed, away from the Reach, its knights and tapestries, hunts and tourneys. Ultimately, the lords and knights of his homeland, for all their songs and poetry, lived every day in preparation for war, frivolous though the preparations were. Joanna showed him a different world, the remnants of Old Valyria. War was to be sure inescapable. Wherever they went, there were soldiers, tapestries, contests of arms, and yet the cities housed something else as well, a boundless potential for creation, commerce and growth.
Thanks to Joanna Dayne’s knowledge their stays became far better planned, and they could enjoy the hospitality of wealthy locals far longer. She knew how to talk about the spice trade and similar matters, and Dorian began to pick up on it. On their second stay in Myr, he procured a great deal of fine parchment and began taking notes, everything from negotiation tactics and the prices of cloves or red peppers to court customs, as well as more eclectic pieces of knowledge, details of running an eastern estate, descriptions of technological marvels he had never seen in Westeros, and ingredients in the local food. By the time they neared Qarth he had quite the list of recipes, among other things. There he was even able to learn a few all the way from Yi Ti, as some local cooks catered to merchants from the Golden Empire. On their journey home they’d end up taking the opportunity to see the newly made port of King’s Landing. By that time, a third member had joined their journey, their infant daughter Florys. Having left Longtable in the care of his sister and steward for three years, Dorian finally accepted the responsibility of running his ancestral home.
Longtable was considered to rule over some of the best lands in the Reach, ideally situated along the river with abundant soil which could provide two grain harvests in a year. Having seen the estates which supplied the great cities of the east, Dorian was all too aware of its comparative shortcomings. He found that the abundance of the land had a counterproductive effect, breeding complacency and carelessness. From his grandiose tour of the east, he went on a painstaking tour of his own lands, trying to get an overview of everything he ruled over. He paid the citadel a fee to send him half a dozen maesters in training for a season. These young men, literate and numerate, would serve his own maester in conducting a survey of the land, giving Dorian account of all resources at his disposal as lord. The results were quite varied.
Some peasants were found to have remarkable agricultural insights which they had no way of writing down, entirely reliant on passing the knowledge to their children. Knowing the risks of such a method of transferring knowledge, Dorian ordered such insights recorded. In other places there were farmers and communities who were unwittingly exhausting their soil. Instances of lack of fallow land, excessive grazing by cows and lack of crop rotation were also made note of, followed by edicts against such heedless practices. Septons, sheriffs and tax collectors were given written copies and were obliged to read them to the peasantry wherever it was deemed necessary. It also became part of the obligations of farmers to plant a set amount of clover in their fields and pastures, a practice some had taken up on their own but which had already become a standardized law among the estates belonging to Myr and Volantis. Irrigation was expanded and land inheritance was reformed to prevent the splitting of fields past a certain threshold.
Lord Dorian was not always successful. Some eastern ideas had been useful innovations which improved conditions across the board. In time he learned that the peculiarities of the westerosi system were sometimes necessary for the sake of stability, not merely the misshapen fruits of ignorance. His attempt to enclose part of the common lands proved abortive, as it nearly caused a peasant rebellion. A procession of aggrieved smallfolk headed for Longtable had to be dispersed by knights, armed with wooden clubs to prevent needless bloodshed.Two men were hanged and five sent to the wall, but the reform was thereafter abandoned, leading the populace to calm down. Dorian was not much of a military leader and had not wielded weapons since the Field of Fire. He became aware of his need to bolster his forces, a notion reinforced by the establishment of the Black Roses not long after his return, and again with the Kingswood Catastrophe
In the meantime, he and Joanna raised a family together. Three more daughters would be born healthy, with a couple of miscarriages and a stillbirth in between, also a daughter. Their travels did not entirely come to an end. In 13 AC they would tour the northern free cities of Norvos, Qohor, Pentos, Braavos and Lorath, which they had missed on their original journey. The lion’s share of 17 AC was spent on a journey to the Summer Islands. At other times they would make shorter journeys around the Seven Kingdoms, where they felt more secure in bringing their older children along. Whether it was visiting Joanna’s family in Dorne, tourneys and feasts in the Reach and West or even one trip to see the wall, a nameday wish by Florys, they were often on the move. Like most of their peers, they frequented Oldtown and Highgarden
The growing rift between the two queens and their children was a situation Dorian would watch with dread in his heart, remembering keenly how a generation of young men had been brought to the field of fire. To his mind, the Targaryen rule ought not go to waste. Like Valyria of old, it had begun with fire and blood, yet similarly peace and prosperity had followed in its wake. If only the dragons could stand united, perhaps another long peace like the one the Freehold once enjoyed could again be established. If not, another century of blood was upon them. Under Dorian, Longtable became a place where he sought to bring together people from across the kingdoms and forge unity over the dinner table, an attitude which somewhat vexed and confounded his more militaristic daughter and heiress, Lady Florys. Even amid her questioning of the viability of his peaceful ways when surrounded by those who would make war, a terrible sight would steel his resolve, watching the Mander burning green, every bit as terrible as the flames from twenty one years prior. That night he made a simple vow, never again.
The League of the Cornucopia, he would name his little group, a gallery of lords and ladies whose acquaintances he’d made over the years. With these fellow gourmets he would share the culinary knowledge he’d gleaned from his journeys in the east and west. Most unusual for a lord of his rank, Dorian came to spend a great deal of time in his kitchens, testing out recipes himself. On occasion, the dishes he served to his guests for these small, intimate gatherings would be the work of his own hands. The membership did vary from time to time, both based on who could make it and who he sought to bring together. Rather than a fully closed circle, the League is more like a form of feasting, only it’s done for a much smaller crowd, without the public spectacle. Such occasions allowed for more refined foods which did not need to be served to hundreds and kept constantly warm over the course of hours like some common tavern stew. It also opened up an arena of more intimate diplomacy and negotiation for those who sought it, hosted on neutral ground by a lordly mediator, free from prying eyes.
Timeline:
25BC: Dorian is born, second in line to Longtable
24BC: His sister Lydia is born
9BC: House Merryweather hosts House Gardener for a tourney and feast. Dorian and his older brother Bennard serve the dish of honor to King Mern Gardener and his family. During the subsequent tourney, Mern knights both boys, despite their inexperience and lack of victory in the tourney
9BC-2BC: Dorian spends much time travelling the reach, attending events
1BC: Dorian and Bennard fight in the vanguard at the Field of Fire. Both are burned, Bennard far more severely than Dorian. Lord Merryweather is killed. Traumatized by the battle and his new maimed body, Bennard starts refusing food. Dorian desperately tries to re-create the dish they served King Mern eight years ago. The cook who made it has since gone senile, but eventually manages to help Dorian re-create it. He is given a place at court as apology for his mistreatment at Dorian's hands before this occurred.
1AC: Lord Bennard dies at the beginning of the year, leaving Dorian as lord of Longtable. His sister Lydia fulfills her betrothal to House Tarly, becoming lady of Horn Hill. At the prospect of marrying a Dornishwoman on the King's orders, Dorian decides to leave Westeros to put off his marriage. In Myr, he meets a woman calling herself Maryah, claiming to be a Tyroshi merchant. They fall in love and travel to Lys together. There Dorian promises to set aside his betrothal for her, whereupon she reveals herself as Joanna Dayne, his dornish betrothed.
1AC-4AC: Dorian and Joanna wed at Longtable, then depart on a new journey of the east. They reach as far as Qarth before turning back home. In 3AC, on the way back, their first child, Florys, is born while the couple are in Volantis, on the way home. They return via the newly built port of King's Landing.
4AC-8AC: Using knowledge from the east, Lord Dorian embarks on a project of rationalizing the agriculture of Longtable
5AC: Dorian and Joanna have their second child, a girl named Ellyn
8AC: Their third daughter, Desmera, is born
13AC: Dorian and Joanna spend a year travelling the northern free cities
14AC: Their fourth and final daughter, Gwin, is born
17AC: Dorian and Joanna undertake a journey to the Summer Islands with their children
23AC: The aftermath of the battle of Stonebridge brings back memories of the Field of Fire, as the Merryweathers watch burning slag run down the Mander
25AC: The Merryweathers travel to the celebration of the maturity of Aegon's sons
Family Tree:
Arthor Merryweather (father, d.1BC)
Cerelle Merryweather (pending family connection) (mother, d.20AC)
Bennard Merryweather (brother, d.1AC)
Lydia Merryweather (sister, b.24BC)
Glendon Merryweather (uncle, d.1BC)
Myrcella Pommingham (aunt, d.22AC)
Leo Merryweather (cousin, b.13AC)
Joanna Dayne (wife, b.26AC)
Florys Merryweather (daughter, b.3AC)
Ellyn Merryweather (daughter, b.5AC)
Desmera Merryweather (daughter, b.8AC)
Gwin Merryweather (daughter, b.13AC)
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Auxiliary Character:
Name and House: Florys Merryweather
Age: 23
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: [A short, muscular woman with wavy black hair, normally worn in a bun. She has high cheekbones and a proud demeanor. Her rigid strength stands in contrast to the more relaxed nature of the Merryweather court, one she finds overly lax and casual](0_0.png (896×1344) (discordapp.com))
Trait: Hale
Skills: Swords (e), Essosi Blademaster
Talents: Dancing, Fishing, Cooking
Negative Traits: N/A
Starting Title: Heir to Longtable
Starting Location: Opening Event
Timeline:
3AC: Florys is born in Volantis, while her parents are on their way home from Essos
10AC: Florys starts training under Saathos Trevelyan, her father's Master at Arms
13 AC: She joins her parents on a tour of Pentos, Braavos, Norvos and Qohor
17AC: She travels with her parents to the Summer Islands
19AC-23AC: As she comes of age, Florys becomes more critical of her father's desire for peace, viewing it as increasingly far-fetched amid the increasingly controversial regency and the impending succession dispute. She resolves to make the kinds of connections her father seems unwilling to, in case of war
25AC: She accompanies her family to the celebrations
NPCS:
Ser Leo Merryweather (Age: 37, Archetype: Magnate) Lord Merryweather's first cousin, he has become an indispensable agent in the daily running of Longtable. Despite his foppish demeanor and aparent laziness, he is highly capable and loyal in his task of increasing his family's fortune. He remains happily unwed
Saathos Tevelyan: (Age:48, Archetype: Master at Arms) The son of a Lysene father and a Myrish mother, Saathos initially sought a career in amongst Myr's military officers, however his family's relatively low status proved an impediment to further promotion, later compounded by a dispute with a superior. He met Lord Merryweather in 3AC and eventually travelled West to offer his services five years later, finding his career progress stonewalled in his home city. Well into middle age, he still looks firm and imposing as profesisonal a soldier ought to

Hey all hope you're having a great day :)
So like most people i'm missing that special person in my life and it would be really nice to find someone that i can relate to, be 100% honest and open with and generally find my best friend.
Hopefully this would start out as friendship and if we click then we click, open to anyone from anywhere :)
Some stuff about me/hobbies
Video games, this is my biggest hobby by far, i play have an pretty big library of games i play so if you game, there is a high chance we would share stuff we could play, a few games i play often, League(i question it too don't worry) soulsbourne games (unga bunga builds) fallout's, i mainly play pc but have a switch and ps4 too.
TV/Film, if not doing the above, you can find me binge watching shows or films, such as B99, the office HIMYM, GoT (we can discuss how shit the last season was forever), Star Wars, Marvel stuff, SAW.
Animals, i have 2 dogs (yes i'll show you lots of pictures) and in general i love animals so much, so i'll probably spam you with pictures of random animals i think are cute or funny :)
Music, i listen to a wide variety of stuff, from rock and metal to dance/pop some electro swing, rap and other stuff, in general if i like a song i'll listen to it on repeat till i hate it but still listen to it anyway.
I try and be witty and funny most the time, I have a stupid sense of humour but will try and make you laugh most of the time, I can be shy to start with but i open up pretty quickly when i get comfortable with you :)
Don't be shy and hit me up if you think we would get on :)

I've (22M) been a close friend of a guy I'll call T (22M) for some years now. We got together from mutual friends and stuck together for our similar humor and for the fact that we both speak our own minds regarding anything. I'm a huge fan of music and I used to share mostly metal with him, since it's one of his favorite genres, but we also shared a lot of stuff on friendships, religion, friends group and our personal stories of loss and all that stuff. We're both analytical people, but he's more interested in finding faults and developing "the best idea", rather than getting involved in new things.
However, I feel like, as time goes on, we're taking on different paths: I'm no longer interested in the same music as I was (neither is he strictly, but he's not into music as I am, so it's difficult we'll cross paths again regarding our tastes); I've tried developing my understanding of others' point of view while I feel like he hasn't, he mostly cares about being critical of ideas in general; our humor is becoming different, as I'm no longer interested in niche memes or black humor as I was back then.
Our biggest problem, I feel, is in our beliefs on ideas and dialogue: he doesn't mind being harsh if he's saying the truth, and always prioritizes criticizing and bettering ideas and beliefs. In general, as I am growing up, I'm becoming more people oriented, always trying to open up to new ideas, even if they're less logical than what I'm accustomed to. I'm becoming more interested in esoteric and psychological stuff the more time passes, but I can't talk about these to him 'cause "They don't make sense" (also, he's Catholic, so I find it funny). His logic is very sharp, so I find it very difficult to debunk him and get him to see my point of view on most matters, while I find intuitive grasping his ideas, even when I don't agree with them.
I think the main problem is that I just don't feel understood by him. Even with all that I've said, I'd like to salvage the friendship, maybe just dialling down the level of closeness we have. I'm looking for advice on how to handle this discussion with him, without having him rebuke logical bullshit on emotional matters (or, by all means, rational to me).
TL;DR: I feel like my close friend doesn't understand me anymore. How do I talk about this with him without ending the friendship?

So today I went through something quite painful. For the past 2 years, I’ve been consistently trying to reach out to a very close friend of mine. We met at uni and we did everything together and I’ve never had such a close friendship like that before and she was basically like a sister to me! 2 years ago she started becoming really distant and ever since, I’ve always been the one to message her asking her how she is and asking if she wants to meet up… and I was ALWAYS met with dead silence. Like she wouldn’t even respond when I wished her a happy birthday.
So today, I did what I’ve been wanting to do for a long time and I texted her and asked her what happened, and what I did wrong. And if I did something that made her act like this to please tell me and also tell me so I can stop reaching out to always be met with a blank wall.
She responded and said she thought that we were naturally becoming distant in a hectic time and she doesn’t have the emotional capacity to reconnect. I totally get that but I don’t understand about the distancing aspect because I’ve always messaged her because I didn’t want us to become distant.
I asked her if she would ever want to connect again, and she then said that “the clingyness and continuation out of this convo is starting to make me a bit uncomfortable” and she deleted me off instagram.
This is just super painful because I wasn’t trying to come across and clingy, I just wanted to know what happened and why she turned so cold. And why would she delete me from instagram? It just all feels so personal and I’m currently going through the motions of grieving what was an incredibly important friendship in my life.
It was even more painful these past 2 years where I would constantly see her out with new friends whilst she was point blank ignoring my messages of asking how she is and whether she’d want to hang out.

So, basically, everything started 2 years ago when I moved to a new house in another city to finish my major in IT. In this republic where a lot of students live (8 at the time), my best friend and I went to live there. Upon arriving, I met this female (21), let’s call her S. We started talking and getting intimate even though she seemed like a good person. However, things happened and I tried to get away from her. But since she is crazy and we live in the same house, that did not work too well. She would do things like lock me in the house with her and hide the key, send her grandma to my house asking me to get with her, and all kinds of messed up things that I’m not writing here (if you want to know, ask in the comments).
It was basically more than a year like that. We were not in a relationship or anything, but that did not matter to her. Everyone at the republic knew but no one ever spoke about it and chose silence, even my best friend. I felt kind of bad because when he needed me, I was there for him. I tried to talk to him but he would always change the subject and did not like to get involved.
It was a year and a half like that. I literally would sleep from 2 am to 12 pm, wake up, go to college, and then come back at 11:00 pm so I wouldn’t interact with her. So, I started talking to a girl at my college and followed her on Instagram (I think that was my mistake where I am now). She followed me back. At first, I was really not looking for a relationship or anything, but I really liked her. She was a cool friend. But S did not like that, not even a little bit. How do I know that? I always was low profile. I did not like posting any photos on social media and all of that. My Instagram does not have a profile pic as well and I did not use it until recently, so I know that if I followed someone new, she would know.
So, after that, things kept going and I was not speaking to her. I had two best friends, one lived with me and the other one lived in my city. So, we used to gather at my place every Sunday and do something. It would come, he and his friends. One day we were talking and this best friend of mine showed his cellphone to this other friend with messages from her. I know that because this friend used to message a girl even though I was already talking to her. And when he showed the message to this other friend (let’s call this one L, he is going to be important later), he looked at me and said “you are screwed” and then we changed the subject.
So, for the next month, I kept my normal life as normal but she and my other friend (let’s call him F) started acting suspicious with her. I tried believing him and pretended I was blind and did not give a damn but he would always make things for me which he did not used to do. He started changing things in his life like going to college all day which was a thing I used to ask him to do so I wouldn’t stay all day by myself in college. He would talk about friendship a lot. I would also reply normally and then I felt like he was being an asshole and got mad at him and stopped talking to him so he would understand that I would do what he was doing (mainly the reason was I would not do that to him). And once she said all of my friends were assholes (she was right in here at least). So, going forward, I would speak to him but if he needed something or talked to me, I would respond normally but was still mad because of all of my friends, he was the one I trusted the most. He acted as if nothing was wrong which I felt he was at the time.
Then one day we were at the basketball game and he said to a lot of teammates that I stopped talking to him and he did not know the motive. So, on Sunday at my house with my friend L, he asked if I was not talking to F. I said that we are kind of in the middle of a fight but if they wanted to call him, they could. Then L said he would not call him since we were not on good terms And then I said okay, and after that, he asked what the reason was. I told him the story, saying I was mad because I felt like F was manipulating me. L believed that my friend F was a good guy because he has a girlfriend and all (he betrayed her after 5 years of relationship with his neighbor, which I knew and L did not, and I did not tell him of course, I ain’t no snitch). So, days passed and it was the birthday of S’s cousins, which I used to go to in previous years, so it was planned (she and her cousins are very close) because his birthday this time was at a public place, in a bar to be more exact. After getting there, I had a surprise because she was with another guy at a table, so everyone got mad at me because “I fought my best friend because of her”.
So, one day after that, my “friend” L said everything to his friend (I’ll call this one Y). So, Y and her had a past together and he did not like her at all. He was my friend too, we’ve known each other for the past 8 years. And then this friend got mad at me as well and everyone started making jokes and all, and I said okay, maybe I was wrong and went to talk to F. I called this other friend to go with me at the time because we used to live together in the past and he grew up together with us. When we arrived at his place, he asked us to wait. So, when he arrived, we started talking. I said I would never do something to mess up his life and he said that everything I thought to be true was only things from my head (as if I was crazy). He said sorry for doing something I did not do and asked if we were alright, and then I said no, we were not. I asked him to come to my house the other day and he came but acted as if nothing was wrong. We talked, joked around, and he went away. I still did not understand, but something was off.
So, days come and everyone on the chat group started wishing I was dead every day, which I felt bad about, not gonna lie. And then the break from college came to an end and I got back to college. But when getting there to play basketball, everyone was acting strange with me. I’m kinda skinny, well I’m way too skinny (I weigh 88 pounds) and they were guarding me with everything they had. I did not understand why, but I quit and went home. The other day, I called my friend F and asked him if he told something to them and he said no, I did not say anything, and then went away. After that, I started asking myself what happened, which messes you up when everyone refuses to talk to you. So, I stopped going to college for a month and when I came back to college, everyone in the college was looking at me with disdain. A lot of them would look away when they saw me. I did not notice until I got to the classroom. When getting there, I chose my place and sat.
So, in this class, there is this girl (I’ll call her C). You know, from when I started college, I ain’t going to lie, she was my first passion. I used to go and wait for her bus to come and take her home and all of that, so she would not go alone at night. But then came the pandemic and we did not talk anymore (mainly my fault). So, coming back to the classroom, she got up and then looked at me. I would not say disgust, but like kinda mad at me, but I did not understand at the time. So, I asked this friend for his water bottle because I forgot mine and when I got up to go to the drinking fountain, he said you can right there, do not need to go anywhere. I did not understand what he was saying but did not give a damn because he is a really good friend, he kinda helped me. And then she got up again. I, knowing her, knew she was trying to tell me something but did not know what. Then this friend (I’ll call him P) asked me to tell the professor why I did not come to his class for almost a month and I said okay and went to talk to him. I said, while everyone was listening, that I did not come because somethings were happening in my life and then he said it’s okay. I went back to my place and at the end of the class, I went out to the bathroom and when I came back, my things were on the ground, which I did not notice why at all. And then this guy came to me and asked if those things that were on the ground were mine. I was making a group with this girl since when the professor asked if someone wanted to make groups with me, they all said no. The professor even asked like that “Why? You guys don’t like him?” I did not understand why as well and just laughed. So, this girl that was making a group with me, when I came back from the bathroom, asked me to take photos of the papers. I said that it did not need to and then she insisted and I said okay and took the photo. When I got home, I was looking at the photos of the papers and I saw a photo I did not remember taking. It was the legs of someone which I assumed took my cellphone and took it. I kinda went into my head thinking what caused this issue. And then I remembered something I told F a while ago because he knew about this girl from the past. So, one day I was in the classroom with She also got up and went to fill her water bottle. I asked her to fill mine as well, but when doing that, I kind of got up and she thought I would go with her, but I did not. :( When she came back, she sat at her chair and lied down, which made me feel bad because I like her. She did not come the next week and the next, she was sitting behind me. She had her bottle on the chair and then I asked her, ‘Can I take your bottle?’ She said, ‘For what?’ I took it anyways and filled her bottle, came back to class, and gave it to her. She said thank you and I told F about this situation, which I thought was the reason.
Then, the other day in the classroom, I came back because there was a misunderstanding and she did not come. I thought she did not want to talk to me and I did not come for the next 2 weeks. Then, I came back on test day and like always, I sit at the same place in the classroom and she knows that, so she sat close to me on the day, which made me happy. Her friends would come every so often and pretend like they would kick my backpack. She got angry at them, looked at them, and they stopped. Then, after that day, I do not know what she said, but everyone treated me normally with no issues and I could come back to college.
So, until here, I have a clue or other about what happened, but I still needed to know who would say something like this to mess me up. Then, I remembered Y because every time something would happen, he would post something on Instagram. When I came back to play basketball in my city, everyone was treating me like crap and then everyone was saying to me that Y was my rival. I did not care that much, I thought they were joking. Then, one of his friends asked if he could sleep in the republic with my mattress and I said, ‘Yes, you can.’ Days later, Y on the group chat asked this friend of his if things went all right and then he responded saying, ‘Yes, everything went all right.’ (He probably slept with S on my mattress.) So, I started asking why he would be so mad at me and something came to my head.
So, Y’s father died of cancer and one day, F and I were at his house. When we were getting out, F looked away and passed this door without looking. Then, I came behind him, looked at the room, and it was Y’s father. He could not talk because his cancer was on his tongue. I looked at him and gave him a thumbs up and he did the same to me. Then, out of his house, I asked F why he would look away in that situation and he said to me, ‘I can’t even look because I pity him.’ Then, I said I would not pity him because I would not like people to pity me. But what F said to him was something different and he believed it. Then, he started threatening, not directly of course, and saying things to all the city like I used to have this friend when growing up and he went to jail because he killed somebody. I told this thing that happened to my friend F that when we were young, 10 years old to be more exact, he kissed a girl I used to like and then I went home and started crying. I said that, but if I remember, in that house, the room where S stays, she can hear us and she probably told Y.
Then, I went to my friend who killed someone’s house (his mom sells food, I buy there since I was a kid). After getting there, I bought my food and when going home, his brother and his friend got up on a motorcycle and passed very close to me as if they were telling me something. I did not understand why as well, but after some time, I understood. So, he is probably not stopped until I’m dead or he kills me and since everyone believes him, I can’t do anything. So, I ask, what can I do in this situation?"

This letter has been a long time coming. But, it feels better to put pen to paper than it does to just pray to one I’m not sure I believe in.
I, truthfully, resent you. I’ve no idea what I’ve done to face a battle like this on my own. I’ve no idea what I’ve done to follow in the footsteps in my father and his father; the only difference being one had the good will to die, and the other to get sober before killing himself.
I’d been selfish in little ways— making excuses to skip work to audition or perform a play. An extra break on a slow day for an extra cigarette. Nothing consequential.
And yet, before thirty, I face my mortality. I face it alone. I have but a lover that doesn’t want to see me go, and fragmented friendships with girls I’ve played music with.
Friends, old and new, remain unsure of how to comfort me, if they try at all— I’ve put walls up for so long I’m not ever sure how to let them.
But, I know, will die resenting you. I may smile while I watch a Wes Anderson film or hear a song by whatever band. I may feel moved by the greenery of West Virginia, the robust culture of Pittsburgh, and the beauty of a quiet life in Ohio. But, as I fade, I will remember the loneliness I feel in my last days.
I’d spent my youth falsely devoted to your service. My younger, closeted about my bisexuality, giving you and your cause and sizable amount of my income. I will die regretting this, missing old friends, the Rocky Mountains, and having the strength to strum my guitar at my lowest.
I know have next to nothing. And I resent you for that.
Regrettably faithless,
Matthew

I 16F am dating a guy 16M ,lets call him Sam, for the past 9 months. We know each other since 9th grade (4 yrs) and are really good friends since. My now bf's mom was really nice and supportive of me at the early stages of our friendship. She didn't seem to have an issue with her son being a really good friend of mine. But now that we have started dating and she accidently found out she is going nuts. when she first got to know about this she and her husband beat up sam really bad to an extent where he was swollen for days. Later my bf told me that while beating him she said that I worked as a prostitute/sex worker and slept with many different guys every other day. At first i thought that she had a misconception but progressively her statements towards me got worse. she said i sleep with my father and have had many external affairs. None of this is true I have only dated one guy before my current bf and it was nothing physical. She claims to have seen my having sex with multiple partners and say that my mother pays me to do all this.. my mother is sweet lady who is very protective of me. By this time i understood that she was making up all of this just to get Sam to stay away from me. She started to tell the same lies to all my school teacher and my teacher started to look down on me. Sam claims that he knows his mother is wrong and will fix it in the future. She sked Sam to block me on all platforms and cut all contacts with me. i really some Sam and he loves me as well. My mother doesn't like Sam because she finds his mother to be an attention seeking lair...which i agree is true. Sam is being poorly treated by his own parents in his house. His mother doesn't listen to him at all and is verbally, emotionally and physically abusive and his father follows his mothers footsteps. His mother considers herself to be the best woman alive. She constantly posts about how amazing and honest she is when she is the complete opposite irl. I've started to hate her as she keeps on making weird remarks about me and my family. She is friend with my english teacher and my gbf's mother. My gbf and Sam dated for a while a few years prior. And she kinda likes to interfere in my bf's life.. So sam doesn't really talk to her. So Sam's mom told my english teach and her friends that im a whore and me along with my entire family watch porn together. I am now furious and disgusted by her lies. Sam says he cant really do anything about it. and hes right, she will beat him up again. Due to this my teachers have been looking down on me and give me judge-y looks. His mother has built this entire thing out of lies and idk why everyone believes her. She doesnt want to listen to anyone and is not understanding at all. she makes an ugly disgusted face whenever she sees me. According to her im ugly but tbh she is severly overweight as well.I am good at academics and am always one of the top students, can cook and have been to multiple competitions etc on the behalf of the school. The teacher used to love me but now because of her lies they have started to be biased and hate me for everthing that I do. The english teacher believes his mum and has been spreading the same false information to other teachers as well. I really love Sam and do not want to give up on him but she doesnt let sam talk to me or even be around me. I hate it. She says that she is perfect but all she does is lie. my mother does not know about this and i really want to teach that merciless woman a lesson. idk what to do..any suggestions?

I ended my friendship with someone and I am eaten alive by the idea that they may feel guilty. I have literally no reason to believe they would feel this way and in fact have a lot of reason to think they don’t. But I feel so guilty that they might feel guilty. I image them wishing they said or did things differently and it kills me. You’d think I would want them to feel bad and I think I in part do but it makes me so sad. I have no idea how to even address this. Like what do I do about this persistent and strong emotion that has come from an imagined scenario that is likely not true. I’m wondering if I keep thinking about it because i have issues with maladaptive daydreaming and this is sort of like one of those and it’s helping stop my distress about how this person treated me but at the same time hurts me in a completely different way. Like I feel like I’m experiencing the pain of two different realities haha. It’s just weird and I need answers. Like I cry about it everyday, something probably not real.