Parents ne Allen me dalwa Diya tha 11th me (tho kaafi late), 11th me achhe se padhai nahi ho paayi thi to socha 12th achhe se kar lunga. 12th me bhi syllabus rush me jaldi khatam karwa Diya fir 11th ka revise karane lage till boards. Boards ka inhone kuch nahi padhaya or barely any help (other than PE), bas revision karate gaye JEE ke liye. Fir luck itna kharab ki 29th Jan aur 6th April ka victim ban gaya aur percentile bhi kuch achha nahi aaya (90.49). Boards me socha tha 85% ke around aa jayenge but sirf 78.5% aa rahe hai and theory me diye hue marks almost impossible se lag rahe hai and chemistry me to bohot obvious galat marking Hui hai. Bewakoofo ki tarah BITSAT ka form bhar Diya tha November me aur ab uska criteria hi nahi fulfil ho raha. Idk ab improvement test du cbse ka ya fir Jo college ke options hai vahi le lu. College ke liye options me hai ECE in Thapar, CSE in KIIT and MET me 133 aaye the jisse possibly CS ki koi specialisation mil sakti hai main campus pe agar cutoff favourable raha to.
Parents ko proud nahi kara paaya isliye bohot bura feel ho Raha hai, now I don't know what to do. Please help.

So imma final year CS student, aur bhai mere job nahi lagi hai, par bhai kuch karne kaa jonoon hai, maa baap ko kush karna hai aur apna future bhi banana hai, so pls guid me...
Background : from tier 2 private cllg, know programming well, (typically mern stack ka 14 aur 200+ leetcode wala ) mere ek baar toc mei acche aye the to subject thoda acha lagta hai mujhe 🙂 ab yaad nahi kuch, maths to ghatna yaad hai mujhe shuru se padha hai sab kuch ( 12th ke bhi thode concepts revise karne honge), aur baki sab subjecta ka bhi same haal hai DSA ko chhod kar bas programming aati hai muze
1) How and where to start 2) What are some good resources 3) What best in your opinion ( offline/online) 4) What are good online classes in you opinion or experience ?
TLDR : launde ne bass backhodi ki hai cllg mei GATE ke liye guidance maang raha hai

Hello, I'm 18male and I am looking for people who are interested in same things as me as I am currently working on myself
Mai kaafi time se Ghar mai baitha tha ish wajha se hamesha apni age ke Longo se piche raha hu like introvert hu , society ke bare mai jada nahi janta ,Longo ki normal conversation ka part nahi ban pata par sab mai improve Krna chahta hu apni health, personality,looks, knowledge ish liye mai aise dost banana chahta hu jo log mujhse ange ho life mai or meri help kar sakhe life mai ange barhne ke liye main abhi currently apni English pe kaam kar raha hu or health pe home workout follow karta hu or badminton khelne jata hu or Mera kisi chijz mai intrest nahi hai boring Banda hu bus thora anime dekha hai or marvels ki movies phase 4 Tak ho gaya kuch interesting nahi hai baat krne ko jeevan mai ish liye dost bhi nahi hai toh agar koi intrested hai mujhse dosti krne mai or sayad Mera jaise apne aap ko improve karne mai toh dm me
Koi bhi gender age ka ho chalega bus timepass nahi karna

its gonna be a long trauma dump.
im 19f, appeared in 12th this year, this would be my first drop. vaise to iss sun pe lurker rehti thi, aaj laga maybe kuch bol hi du to atleast relief rahega kisko dhang se bataya to. vaise to life meri bekar nhi hai overall dekha jaye to. yaha pe logo ka padho bc achhi lagne lagti hai life, and phir agle din vahi rr.
i was five almost, jb mere nana ne pehli baar mujhe touch kiya tha. mummy papa ka office rehta tha and bhaiya ka school to akele chhodne ki jagah nana ko bula lete the vo log ki mera dhyaan rakhe. achha dhyan rakhe the (apna lolzzz). now that i think about the movements and the way he'd shake afterwards, pyare nanaji was most probably cumming in his dhoti holding his five year old granddaughter on his thigh. (i mean, ladke shayad better jaane, kabhi kisi se detail mein puchha nhi iss baare mein. after it had got some action and y'all are ejaculating, do you guys like, freeze for a bit a breathe hard? agar nhi to im sorry for the wrong allegations). anyways that happened for a while. uske baad ka mujhe kuch yaad nhi. tbh ye bhi nhi yaad tha, until 3-4 saal pehle jb i read a similar scene in a book and ye yaad aaya phir shock mein chali gayi. had two beautiful frnds jinko bataya iss baare mein and they tried to help me out as best as they could. andar se ye bhi lagta tha ki mummy ko kabhi pata bhi chala to nahi manengi, isiliye parents se thoda grudge rehta tha and ladti jhagadati rehti thi.
fast forward to present, mai apne best friend ke saath relationship mein aa gayi and slowly but surely, he made a great impact on my relationship with my family. like uski uske parents ke saath achhe relations hain and ladka bhi sahi hai (haa pyar krti hu usse, mar jaungi ek din) to convince kr liya mujhe ki mere parents bhi pasand krte hain mujhe. and tb se mere relations meri family ke saath significantly improve hue. i even started to trust them.
to kya hai na, mummy and nana ki jamti nhi hai (he's neither a good husband nor a good father), isiliye mummy unse baat nhi krti. ek din recently mummy unhi ke baare mein upset thi and maine mummy se bol diya ki "uss aadmi se to mujhe nafrat hai. royi hu bestfriend ko batate hue" and mummy was like mujhe batao but mana kar di ki abhi nhi.
agle din she came to me and said ki unhe raat mein neend nhi aa rahi thi ye sochte hue ki aisa unhone kya kar diya ki I don't trust her but trust my frnds? phir bohot bolne pe mai unhe puri baat bata di (utni detail mein nhi obviously) and she was very supportive. boli ki "maa baap important hote hain par bachcho se zyada nhi. mai to vaise bhi unhe ghar na bulati but ab to sawal hi nhi uthata. shakal nhi dekhungi unki". and mai apne room mein aake rone lagi ki maine apni maa ko galat samjha ki vo mujhpe yakeen nhi karengi.
then agle din, i think jb mai ghar pe nhi thi tb mummy bhaiya ko ye baat batayi and he told her abt how once i confessed to him i was a lesbian (bisexual boli thi but lauda hai), and pata nhi kaise, mummy ko convince kr doya ki im making this whole story up for sympathy and to seem cool.
mummy aayi and mujhse boli ki "tum jo batayi ho, vo sach mein hua hai ya jo tum ghatiya books padhti ho, uski vajah se dimag mein baitha li ho ki mere saath bhi kuch galat hua hai?" and phir asked me abt that lesbian wala and told me ki inhi sab vajah se my face has lost its innocence and mai kuch nahi kar paayi hu. kaise i didn't deserve the marks i got in boards and sabka entrance exam tha but sab ek event mein aa rahe the but tumne kuch padha nhi tha isiliye nhi aayi (true but jisko neet dena hota vo aise bhi na aata). and how she feels ashamed and unsafe to go out with me varna i would wander off with "bhaiya log". that other girls of my age look smart and innocent and good even of they're fat. and gori ladkiyo ka chehra nhi pink hai, but you have yellowish tone and you never look smart, tumhare andar vo cheez hi nhi. she ended her speech with, "tumhari vajah se maine apne baap ko galat samjha. agar tum jhoote ilzam laga rahi ho to uska anjam dikhega." and then very lightly said, as if she didn't believe it, "aur agar mere baap ne kuch kiya hoga to bhagwan batayenge."
since that day, i haven't been able to look at my family the same way. the love, trust and respect i had for them seems gone. uss din ke baad mummy achhe se baa ki but bhul nhi paa rahi unn words ko. isse pehle bhi aisa bohot kuch boli hain vo jo bura laga tha but ye Dil tod diya. i can't believe my first heartbreak is from my mother itself.
isse pehle bhi she'd questioned my character. mai maanti hu, mai chutiye bachchi thi. nhi samjhti thi kuch. school bus mein achhe bhaiya log mile the to sabko achha samajhti thi and apne age ke logo se ghul mil nhi paati thi. isiliye almost got tricked by a senior jo uss time 11th mein the (i was in 6th, koi dost nhi tha to attention ki bhukhi rehti thi). uske liye mummy branded me as "characterless". I WAS IN SIXTH, NHI PATA THA MUJHE KUCH. phir ek baar humlog kahi gaye the and mummy dusri seat pe chali gayi mujhko leke jbki meri dost pichhe ki seat pe thi. i tried going to her to uss time to mummy bas gusse se dekhi but ghar aake boli ki how im such a bad daughter, achhe ghaf ki ladkiya sirf apne mummy papa ke paas rehti hain but tumko to matakna rehta hai. tumhare jaisi ladkiyo ko characterless rehte hain, kisi ki nhi hoti hain. (this was in class 9th).
ho sakta hai mai apna side leke dekh rahi hu isiliye mai khud ko sahi samajh rahi. but galti kya ki maine ye to koi achhe se explain karo???
recent ye nana wala batane ke baad to bas yahi manati hu roz bhagwan se ki maar daale mujhe. sach nata rahi, jb dekhega na koi sirf meri mummy papa aur bhaiya ko saath mein, to itne perfect lagte hain. and mai manhoos ki yarah aa jaati hu beech mein. (mumma thinks ki mera chehra normal rehne pe mahoos lagta hai, i should be smiling har samay varna apni life barbaad ke dungi aisi shakal bana ke).
marne ka ya relapse krne ka (i used to self harm) roz mann krta hai, but apni best friend aur apne bf ke baare mein sochke ruk jaati hu. sach mein doni pagal pyaar krte hain mujhse. bestfriend ki life already laudi ho rakhi hai, aur nhi pareshan krna, bf ki life mein pehle hi bohot trauma the, ab badhane ka mann nhi. i promised him I'd helo him heal.
ab 15 aur 16 ko cuet hai but padha nhi hai kuch and pata nhi kaise niklega. nikalka bhi zaruri hai varna home life aur fucked up ho jaayegi plus ghar se niklungi to insabme dimag nhi lagega.
samajh nhi aa raha kaise padhu ab, aakhiri din bacha hai, sab kuch padha hai but revise krna hai. idk bhai, higheay sach mein sundar lagne laga hai (srsly)

[Throwaway account] [Long post]
17M. Today cbse boards result came out. And I got 68% and I feel devastated.
I tried to do jee coaching and school simultaneously but I couldn't. I used to feel sleepy in classes so much that my eyes felt like burning. I was just not interested in this rat race.
My father is the most toxic person I've ever met. He doesn't even talk to strangers with respect or politely. I couldn't clear jee and my father scolded me a lot and today he said even more stuff that I couldn't take in.
I got horrible percentile in JEE. I know this is not the end of life and these grades don't define someone's potential or life. I accept I couldn't perform well and learnt my lesson through bad decisions.
But aaj papa ne bola "tera ky hoga, pura future barbad krliya h", "2 saal kuch pdhai nhi kiya bas phone chalaya, game khela, timepass kiya", "har ek exam me fail hogya", "ab aage ki padhai chhod de, labour ka kaam kr ky krega pdh kr", "5 lakh barbaad krdiya school or coaching me".
I wasn't like this always. Maine 8th tak boht competitions, olympiads wagera kiya h. Mujhe nhi pata mai jee coaching kyu le liya. Ky hogya mere saath mujhe nhi pata.
He called me and said "apna laptop and phone tod de aur photo khich kr bhej". Kyu todu mai apna phone jab maine freelancing krke khud ke paise se kharida th.
I'm not joking but he called me "ch*tiya and mc" too for not scoring good marks. He even scolded my mother and sister for all this. Bas yahi bolte raha ki mat kr aage ki padhai, sab barbad krliya h ab mera kuch nhi hoga kahi.
Aaj pehli bar saalo baad meri aankho se aasu aagye. Aaj mere se control nhi hua aur mai chhat pr jakr silently andr se cry kr rh th.
He has his ego problem and anger issues. Idk what's his problem. Hamesha se aisa toxic behaviour raha h. Kabhi game khelne nhi diya to jab bhi time milta th bachpan me mai game khelte rhta th kyuki brain aisa sochta th ki ghr me nhi h yeh abhi jitna marji khel leta.
Bachpan me cash me paise diye th aur bola rkhne and maj spend krdiya kyuki bhai bachha th curiosity thi. To jis din pata chala jhapad mar diya and bache hue cash phad diye.
To ab dar lgta h kuch krne se. Mai kahi bahar nhi jata hoon ghumne ya kuch khane. Aaj tak restaurant nhi gya. Bs ek bar dosto ke sath movie dekhne gya hoon Oppenheimer. Ek do bar cafe me gya hoon dost ke sath. Sab apne hi paiso se pay kiya hoon. Pocket money ka concept hi gayb h mere ghr me. School wale goa trip pr legye but 15k mai mangne se ghabra rh th to nhi gya.
Ab weird sa introvert bn gya hoon. Dost birthday party pr ya ghumne bulate h to mai nhi jata kuch bahana krdeta hoon. Female interaction to hai hi nhi ab.
Ek din meri didi ka pata nhi sayd result acha nhi aaya th to bola ki books road pr lejakr jala de. Mai chhota th tab.
Aaj to bole meri mummy ko ki mujhe ghr se bhaga de.
He never accepts constructive critisism about him. For him other's opinions and views dont matter. He only boasts how much money he has spent on education and shit.
Heck he never gave his BA exam himself. Someone else wrote instead of him.
Ky aisa behaviour acceptable bhi hai aaj ki society me? I think he's psychotic and needs a psychiatrist. Like wtf man.
Kahi se koi support nhi mil rh mujhe. Bs lg rh andar se toot gya hoon aur ab kuch nhi h jeene ko. Bs mera friend mujhe support kr rh kyuki uske bhi kam percentage aaye h. Atleast uske ghr wale jyada understanding h and samjhte h ki yeh the end nhi hai.
Mera dream h Germany me pdhna. Mai kuch projects banaya hoon ek dost ke sath apne coding skills se jisse mujhe kafi acha revenue mil jata h. To friend EU ka hai and we've been in contact for long time now.
To ek saal yaha local college me pdh kr next year bachelors Germany ke liye apply krunga yeh mera plan th. Along with learning german language.
Bs isi hope se mai filhal jee rh hoon ki ek din yeh sapna pura hoga and mai finally yeh toxicity escape kr paunga. Mera wo dost financially help bhi krdega if funds ki kam pdegi to uss time. Papa ke to paise bhi use nhi hoga to bhad me jaye mai ja rh apne raste.
Bs aur kuch nhi kehne ko h

Context : Depressed dropper with insomnia taking melatonin gets 95.4 in first attempt, falls to 93.6 in second, with his last attempt being 2024, has no hope in himself and no confidence; in all darkness he unleashes anti trauma and starts being hyper optimistic. I could only study for 3 hours on day 1. 5 hrs 15 sth min on day 2. 5 hrs on day 3. 6 hours 7 minutes on day 4. 6hrs 11 min on day 5. 6 hrs 13 min on day 6. 6hrs 23 minutes on day 7. 6hrs 30 min on day 8. 6hr 10 min on day 9. 5 hrs 21 minutes on day 10. 7 hrs 33 min on day 11. 7hrs 3 min on day 12. 4hrs 16 min on day 13. 8hrs 10 min on day 14. 6hrs 8 min on day 15. 8hrs 1 min on day 16.
And.....today I studied for 8hrs 17min. First off, IIT Express of CHEMICAL bonding is absolute dogshit. Sakshi man is a good teacher and the rest of the videos are golden but her chemical bonding is pretty shit. Don't watch it please. I did not really revise definite integrals today. Kabbadi khel ke aa gaya uske sath. Revised rotation and holy fuck😭😭😭 I do not really have conceptual errors but the silly mistakes oh my absolute fucking lord. I CAN solve PYQs(most of the pyqs - source ABJ sir ka session part 2 vaise) par behenchod kaise revise hoga meri ma chud gayi hai. Maths mein cutoff na clear ho de. Chemistry mein madarchod kitna revise karna hai behen ki Lodi physics hui hai fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fukc fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fic ufckbcjskuwhe he bhagwan. New strategy. I am making chemistry my prime subject and aim for roughly 140 Mark's. Give me a day or too and I can absolutely have fuck organic in its ass and I would only need to read a few notes after that. Inorganic ho jayegi qki I have covered basically everything there I just gotta revise and I am revising like one hour of inorganic everyday so in 13 days pretty much sub rat chuka hoga (kafi had tak ho gaya hai). Same cheez merko organic ke sath karna hai. I am targeting 70 Marks in chemistry, 30 Marks in Physics and Maths (matlab basically cutoff par ho jaye). If I just focus on Physics main usko bhi kheench me 50 pe shayad le aun lekin fir that would jeopardize maths an possibly chemistry. I intend to fully hone in and do mock testing to be be sure of this stratagem. In chemistry it is enforceable and in physics to some extent as well(tho it may take 4-5 days for me to actually start mock testing physics) but maths bro.....yahan cutoff clear karne ke lale pade hain. Vector 3d kar liya hai. Definite integration kar hi liya hai(revise karna hai adha is madarchod ko) ab kya karun time hi kitna hai aur Roj madarhcod kuch naya ho ja raha hai. Aaj mehman bula liye and I had to entertain him and he is sleeping with me today snoring as hard as he can. Behenchod 8 ghante se jyada padhna hoga bhai 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. I am going to fail and anxiety hits. But I will face the gut punch regardless. I am doing it to learn. I have to never stop working hard. Bros. Working hard is a skill. I have to be skillfully at that. Varna tukke se iit ho bhi gaya to vahan jake muth marna padega bas mehnat nahin chutni chiye to I will keep working hard as fuck. Advanced prep ka momentum I will carry over for iat, then bitsat. Varna lateral entry. Behenchod gate nikal dunga. Gand mar dunga behenchod. Peace out. 2:22 am, 13 may.

IN THESE STREETS SLOWED AND REVERB

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYJZJEYiWbY
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Yaar Maine 10th maths(basic) ka board exam diya and boy I kid u not Maine poori ncert saal mein 5 baar ki hogi yet mere lag gaye end mein.
So the thing is mein barely pass hone ki kagar pe hu like bpt and mcq finna clutch me or shit to I just neend ki does cbse give grace upto 5 marks or shit coz bhai meri fati hai baaki sab accha gaya(thodha fuck hua hindi but ok) but pass hona hai iss subject mein (maths mera weak hi raha hai since childhood) bus maths mein pass rahu and fir isko computer se replace karunga.
And I am not lying hamare invigilator ne indirectly cheating allow ki thi but bkc kisi ko aa hi nahi raha tha to cheating karane mein bhi dar lag raha tha ki galat ho.
I just wish ki maths mein pass hojau🤞🏻

Guys please end tak read karna and if not then please upvote it so that others can see. I'm very good at maths. 100/100 in 10th 99/100 in 12th 99.93%ile (83/100 marks) in JEE Main maths : ). But sad part is, i got 66 in phy board 75 in chem. & and only 90.7%ile in JEE main overall. My dream was to study Mathematics and computing at IITs but yaha to ek NIT tak nhi naseeb ho raha hai (gen/ Jharkhand home state) guys kya karu like what's the best i could do, ghar me bataya to ghar wale keh rhe hai education system ki galti nhi hai tumne padhai nhi ki. ik yaar maine phy chem nhi padhi but mujhe unme kabhi interest aaya hi nhi and agar meri maths achhi hai to uss basis pe koi college kyu nhi mil sakta? like whats wrong with our education system. I wanted to become mathematician like euler, euclid & ramanujan by studying in IISC or IVY LEAGUES but india me koi bhi college nhi mil raha and idk how to apply for US universities since nobody from my family ever went abroad (tier 3 city se hu) . and now my parents are now forcing me to join KIITs CSE so that i can atleast get placed after engineering. meri kya galti hai ki mujhe chem phy nhi aati mai jisme achha hu usi se related branch de do yaar. kisi ko batao yaar 81 out of 100 lana in maths jee main is not that easy but maine kiya hai bahut mehnat se without coaching just questions laga laga kar khud padhai kar ke

Yaaar this is just a vent u dont need to read it mei sabse jhut bol bol ke thak gyi huu ab bus ab sab sach likhna hai akhri baar So meri journey chalu hoti hai 9th se mummy ek din aise hi puchti hai konsi stream legi and i had no idea about it matlab ye sab cheezo ke baare mei pata hi nahi tha never ever cared to know about aage ka, meine kahan pata nahi dekhenge bhai ne bola arts le lena and mummy ne gusse se bola arts nahi legi ki wo option hi nahi hai and i am a very rebellious kid thus fir mei bhi bolne lagi ki haa arts mei kya problem hai blah blah but then 10th end ho gya and mera confusion bohot jyada badh gya i could not choose between sci,comm,arts i just couldnt say ki ye ek cheez karni hai my thinking was ki abhi tk inme se kuch try nahi kiya toh choose kaise karu it was also related to guilt nahi chahiye future mei so bohot bohot socha aur fir mummy ne bola sci safe option agar accha nahi laga to "stream switch" wala bahana diya and i was okay with it kyunki i couldnt choose then waise mujhe maths bohot pasand tha school se hi so 2nd reason mummy ka ye tha, then started 11th mei bohot serious thi ki jo bhi karungi best banungi ussme so isiliye i had decided i will give my 100% if not enough 200%, starting mei achhe se religiously padha marks bhi theek thak the the problem that happened in start was mei chutiya coaching mei chali gyi the problem was with the crowd it was so dumb and not serious, mere marks theek thak the fir bhi meri class mei rank 5-6 thi imagine and ye sirf start mei nahi hua pure do saal yahi hota raha mei gande marks laati thi but fir bhi wo mere peers se better the toh mei delusion mei rahi ki i am also topper jab ki mei nahi thi, 11th saare lecs attend kiya did not even miss a single lec and carefully listened all of them then aaya 12th it kind of gave me reality check ki mei kahi stand nahi karti and i aggressively started solving diff types of books like literally dc pandey hc verma and sbt ke ques karti thi of the same chap but again the problem was saare nahi kar paati thi only some sums i used to do and never did it in time bound manner, still uk what i got selected in the toppers batch i wasnt even a topper T_T it was just relatively i was better than my classmates for eg; mujhe mains wale mock mei 139 aaye the toh baaki ko 120-100 range mei so ofc i was not good but i was just better than others, ab iss toppers batch mei aane ke baad aukat pata chali i was constantly scoring less marks generally i was the 2nd last or last in the list eventually i got removed from it baadme aaya october syllabus was over and i was all set ki revision karungi oct mei and then mocks from nov onwards meine toh test series bhi le liye the allen and fitjee ke, but my procrastination kicked it i stopped studying uske baad classes bhi band ho gye the so puri tareeke se padhai band hogyi thi i mean ek sec bhi padhna chhod diya tha meine mujhe fomo hone laga tha kyunki literally i had given up on living life for 2 years meine padhai ke alawa kuch nahi kiya na movie dekhi na logo se baat ki na khelne gyi na kuch celebrate kiya no functions nothing pura isolate kar diya tha and one day mere friend ne status pe rakha tha ki uska bday hai and i was baffled kyunki mujhe toh yaad tha ki abhi kuch dino/mahino pehele hua tha naa 1 saal kaise hogya and that moment changed me, mujhe kuch jyaaddaaaa hi fomo hone lag gya tha i thought ki mei kya baat karungi logo se ki jab badi ho jaaungi mujhe toh pata hi nahi hoga kya hua inn do saalo mei(tabhi mujhe ye realise ho raha tha ki ye baate itni imp nahi hai but my inner self could not accept it it was enough for her) so meine movies dekhna chalu kar diya literally koi bhi bakwas si movie jo bhi youtube pe available ho kyunki mere pass koi prime ya netflix nahi tha then it was dec mei pura dec fifr movies and yt shorts scroll karte rehe gyi then jan same routine drr hi nhi lag raha tha mujhe idk whyy, kuch ig 3 din bacche the mere 1st attempt ko i started to get scarred i started to revise everything day and night mains ke pehele puri raat soyi nahi revise kar rahi thi and then gave mains got 75%tile and the main thing is nobody knows all this stuff thats happening they think i gave my 100% but the truth is i gave up in the end i didnt try at all in the last, then came the bad news uk what i started to watch porn yaa i am fully wasted person, so backstory i was introduced to porn by my friend in school and i told her i will never watch it and dusre dost ne bola tha ki wo mujhe porn dikha ke rahega and i used to tell him it wil never happen but unfortunately it did happen and the problem with it was it entered in my life at wrong time i was already lonely and miserable and thats why i started watching porn starting mei it wasnt addiction but lately it has started to affect me badly meine mains ke baad naa hi boards ke liye padha naa hi second attempt ke liye and i have not revised since so many months just counted 6 months i have not studied a single thing, i have no college and i have no backup, parents ameer bhi nahi hai naa hi business hai humara i am fucked in life i blame myself for it fully i deserve all the loneliness and isolation i am a toxic person who should not live i cant do one thing properly i cant control myself i cant do anything i dont have any talents but i do have many things that interests me but i have no hope from life currently, was suicidal rn so thought i could vent out all and feel lighter and yes i am feeling lighter idk kya hoga mera but lets see what happens i have alot of dreams which are unrealistic thats why i need to live to complete those, now slowly i am getting back on track although i waste alot of time still of reddit and youtube but still i am now consiously trying to reduce it and study again i need to get a college this year i cant take a drop my mental health wont support that decision of mine sooo peace out byee idk maybe i wont come on reddit after this or probably i will(99.999% i will itna self control built nahi hua hai) There's a lot more to this but i cant type each and every thing but atleast while writing i recalled those things thankss ps: there might be errors but who cares i aint going to read it again neither should u read it

since the starting of class 11th i always had this in my mind ki krungi to neet hi bc chahe kuch ho jaye, mammi se ladi ki pcb leni hai cuz she was like commerce lelo banking wgera me job jldi lagti h settle ho jaogi ek to ladki ho....ye wo bohot ladi bhai aaj bhi is baat pe Taney sunne ko milte hain ki bohot lamba career h ye wo....and currently I m in my 2nd drop but third attempt next dungi....darr to bohot lgta h ki sabke khilaf jake krli apne man ki agar nhi hua to kya hoga.....👉toh after this 1st drop I had this in my mind ki is this god's will kya ? jo mera selection delay kr rhe hain....ya vo mujhey hint de rhe hain I should've listened to my mom instead and neet is not meant for me like she says. mujhe clarity nhi mil rhi hai ! 👈 also itna saturate ho chuki hu taane, demotivation sabse (ghr me yhi hota h) and meri family bhi thodi dysfunctional hai....my mom still insist me on saying choro neet try for upsc etc smthg....mai arts jaise subjects k liye bni hu....she says that she knkw me better ( mera last year papa pvt bsc ka form dalwa diye sirf paper Dene hote hain, maine mna kia tha still, abhi 2nd sem 2 may ko hi tha, won't say fucked up my studies coz of that but ....) how to get my answer yrr....if this is fate or smthg should I give up?? idk if anyone of u into spirituality or smthg would u perceive my situation?

Today after buying a gift for my mom, near Goregaon station. As we reached Goregaon station Me and my friend were hungry so we decided to eat some pani puri the stall which is exactly besides firangi burger.
As i stood and was about to take the plate i hear from left ‘aye sexy’ hearing this i got scared as the drunk guy was literally very close to me. After this i went and stood at the other side of the pani puri stall where the Drunk guy followed me and said ‘aye sexy, mereko tu pasand aya rey sexy’ after this i really got uncomfortable and i asked the pani puri wale bhaiya to please get this guy side or i’d leave so he abused the Drunk fella listening to which he moved away…
After a while as i ate 4-5 puri’s the drunk guy came again this time it was too much. He started saying ‘aye sexy kitna sexy hai tu chal mere saath, main tereko khilata hu’ after this i gave this guy a dead look and asked him to go but as i was just giving dead look and asking him to go the pani puri waale bhaiya heroically came and kicked the drunkard after this kick the drunkard started abusing what not to the pani puri wale bhaiya ki ‘teri maa ko 1000 kutte chode and all’ and went away

Meri ek favourite student thi mere class mein. Mere class ke students promote hoke next class mein chale gaye hain. Unki new teacher mere jitni lenient nahi hai.
Main jab kehti thi mera class mein ki aap dusre teacher ki class mein chale jaoge woh aapko padhaenge tab meri favourite student mujhe dekh ke frown karti thi. It's cute when someone likes you, especially little kids who don't like because of greed, or because they want something from you. They just like you for you.
Ab woh dusre class mein chali gayi hai toh two weeks pehle woh recess mein mere class mein aayi thi, mujhse baat karne. Main apna kaam kar rahi thi.
And she started talking, she said, pata hai jab mein badi ho jaungi tab mere mummy, papa aur dada, dadi buddhe ho jayenge. Is liye mein chhoti hi rahungi. Aisa pehle bhi ek baar hua tha jab main class mein sab ko kaha tha ki agar aap apna lunch finish kar dete hain toh aap bade aur strong ho jayenge, tab bhi she said, mujhe chhota hi rehna hai bada nahi hona.
Maine usse kaha aap badi nahi bhi hogi tab bhi aapke mummy papa aur dada dadi buddhe ho jayenge. Agar aap padhai karengi toh aap unka khayal rakh sakti, agar hum padhai nahi karte toh bade hoke kisika khayal nahi rakh sakte.
Yeh sun ke she started saying, haan padhna toh padega, koi doctor ya engineer bana padega, school aana achhi baat hai, ghar pe baith ke bore ho jayenge aur school mein toh friends ke saath khel bhi sakte hain. Ghar pe toh kisike saath nahi khel sakte. School mein aane ke bad gate ke bahar nahi jaana chahiye warna dog noch leta hai. She then Said ki mein aapki class mein sirf tab aaungi jab meri padhai ho jayegi aur mere ma'am aane denge.
New class mein jaane ke bad uska man nahi karta tha school mein aane ka because she wanted to be in my class. So, her mother told her that she should study and go to school.
Ek baar recess mein woh bag leke, apni ma'am se chhupke mere class mein aayi. Mere class ke door pe thi toh uske ma'am uske pichhe khade the aur usko kaha ki woh wapas apni class mein aa jaye, she went.
Uske baad maine bhi usse samjhaya ki agar woh mere class mein aayegi aur uske ma'am ki baat nahi manegi toh uske ma'am ko bura lagega aur usko aisa nahi karna chahiye.
She used to ask me that why I don't bring lunch box and eat with her in the class when she was in my class. She used to ask me if I ate something or not.
She was also singing my name once in the recess.
She's my favourite. 🥰

1st: THOSE WHO ARE TAKING A DROP FOR 25 ADV...
PLEASE THINK B4 TAKING..
AND IF YOU HAVE MADE YOUR MIND THEN ALRIGHT...
THE ALLEN ASAT IS COMING UP WHICH I WANTED TO BRING YOUR ATTENTION TO.
THAT THE ALLEN ASAT IS ON 19 /26 OF MAY...
my problem.
Mko mere papa maa kara rhe hai drop ka whereas mujhe lena hai kyuki I didn't makeup to the mark...
Mera adv hai 26 ko orr papa ko mai ye nhi smajha paa raha hu ki mujeh drop lena hai..
Papa or mere me bilkul nhi banti orr papa bhut strict hai...
Ghar me bhi kaidi jaisa lagta hai.. Dictator hai wo insaan mujhe please help karo ki mai kaise manau..
ASAT bhi den hai orr ADV bhi.....
Mujhe koyi allen wala guide kare ki kaise sabse zada scolarship me le saku in low amt of time... Kyuki woo 19 may ko hai..
Offline...
Help

Meri ek favourite student thi mere class mein. Mere class ke students promote hoke next class mein chale gaye hain. Unki new teacher mere jitni lenient nahi hai.
Main jab kehti thi mera class mein ki aap dusre teacher ki class mein chale jaoge woh aapko padhaenge tab meri favourite student mujhe dekh ke frown karti thi. It's cute when someone likes you, especially little kids who don't like because of greed, or because they want something from you. They just like you for you.
Ab woh dusre class mein chali gayi hai toh two weeks pehle woh recess mein mere class mein aayi thi, mujhse baat karne. Main apna kaam kar rahi thi.
And she started talking, she said, pata hai jab mein badi ho jaungi tab mere mummy, papa aur dada, dadi buddhe ho jayenge. Is liye mein chhoti hi rahungi. Aisa pehle bhi ek baar hua tha jab main class mein sab ko kaha tha ki agar aap apna lunch finish kar dete hain toh aap bade aur strong ho jayenge, tab bhi she said, mujhe chhota hi rehna hai bada nahi hona.
Maine usse kaha aap badi nahi bhi hongi tab bhi aapke mummy papa aur dada dadi buddhe ho jayenge. Agar aap padhai karengi toh aap unka khayal rakh sakti, agar hum padhai nahi karte toh bade hoke kisika khayal nahi rakh sakte.
Yeh sun ke she started saying, haan padhna toh padega, koi doctor ya engineer bana padega, school aana achhi baat hai, ghar pe baith ke bore ho jayenge aur school mein toh friends ke saath khel bhi sakte hain. Ghar pe toh kisike saath nahi khel sakte. School mein aane ke bad gate ke bahar nahi jaana chahiye warna dog noch leta hai. She then Said ki mein aapki class mein sirf tab aaungi jab meri padhai ho jayegi aur mere ma'am aane denge.
New class mein jaane ke bad uska man nahi karta tha school mein aane ka because she wanted to be in my class. So, her mother told her that she should study and go to school.
Ek baar recess mein woh bag leke, apni ma'am se chhupke mere class mein aayi. Mere class ke door pe thi toh uske ma'am uske pichhe khade the aur usko kaha ki woh wapas apni class mein aa jaye, she went.
Uske baad maine bhi usse samjhaya ki agar woh mere class mein aayegi aur uske ma'am ki baat nahi manegi toh uske ma'am ko bura lagega aur usko aisa nahi karna chahiye.
She used to ask me that why I don't bring lunch box and eat with her in the class when she was in my class. She used to ask me if I ate something or not.
She was also singing my name once in the recess.
She's my favourite. 🥰

This is my first and most probably last post here,I have qualified for JEE Advanced but it was a close call as I got 94.5 percentile , this year was my first year appearing for JEE and will be my last at least I think so I had hope for advanced as my chemistry especially organic chem was strong but for a few weeks I had pain in my lower back and groin areas it was unbearable and when we did some tests guess what? I had kidney stones at 18 and the cherry on the top was that they were 10.7 mm and 7.7 mm each in the left and right ureter , that is in the middle of it so you can't remove it with lithotripsy that is a shockwave treatment thing which breaks down the stone into smaller fragments that you can easily pass this treatment is the most minimalistic way to treat kidney stones without entering the body,but it had to be stuck in the ureter. The doctor suggested that I should go for ureteroscopy that a small tube will be passed in the ureter that breaks down the stone making it easier to pass. My parents immediately took me out of the hospital and called every single relative of mine to ask for some bullshitty AYURVEDIC MEDICINE from some Baba of sorts they said " Tujhe kya bada aasan lagta hai operation krwana ? Mera kuch nhi jayega tera hai insurance, mujhe kya jab cheer faad krenge na tab pata chalega." I know that it is quite uncommon for people my age to have to be operated but what can I do now? Kr li galti. Now that things have come to this I have shifted my focus from Adv to BITSAT as that is the only good option I have rn. I feel degected due to this thing I'm not able sit straight for hours, they say go and walk outside , when I try to tell them it pains too much they say it will pain but it will come down slowly slowly and you'll be able to pass it. Well I can't do much about it but the absolute worst of the things I have to face in my life is my parents fighting each other Ik fights happen in household but you ever heard your mum say" Madarchod apni maa ko bicha deta hai na tu logon ke saamne main bhi bich jau kya?!!" Ye sab bolte hain while being loud as fuck saari gali main sunta hain logon ko , I feel ashamed when I see my friends literally next door and on the opposite side of my house,I feel their eyes on me my mom doesn't go out much often so mostly nobody knows her. She shouts so loudly with the most vulgar of things you can imagine she calls me Chakka, bhadwa, and all sorts of things when I try to stop her yelling by placing my hand on the mouth she says that I hit her and beat her. Whenever my dad's home that is my dad works in a company overseas so he goes for 2 months and comes back again after 2 months, she fights with him everyday I admit that many a times he is wrong but she makes it into complicated things and bringing his mother into it too, the fight like mad animals they hit each other swear at each other in the loudest voice possible and the things are so vulgar the mods might take this post down maybe they will cz of the things mentioned above well it was jjst rant in the end so np ig.My family is so fucked up my mother she had me when she was 19 she did not belong to a financially stable family, has 3 brothers and she is the youngest of all she was married to a 40 year old something guy and had me , the man left her after she had me I still don't know the reasons and everyone around her rejected her but my grandmother was different she left everyone for her came to my side she was there for me and my mother for 14 years during which my other met my dad( not the biological one but for me this man is my only father even if not biological) they fell in love and well several years passed everything was going well my father got ED( I came to know about thus cz of these two fighting amd cursing at each other)and my other cheated on him a guy quite younger than her, I came home one day and saw the man in my house I asked who he was my mum said he is some known guy that came here for some auditions and couldn't afford to stay and hotel. He slept with me in my bedroom and well I say my mother and him fucking each other on my bed and while I saw this I started crying while keeping my voice low and closed eyes but I did not turn on the light, I screamed and rushed outside to go and call my neighbour so that he woukd call my father overseas my mom and the guy stopped me and told me nothing had happened and my mom came out from the other bedroom, its been 8 years since then but my mother and that guy still tallk to each other video call eacb other and I can't say anything cz who am I to say? " Tu meri maa hai kya ki mera baap jo mujhe sikhayega??" Exact words of my mother even when I caught her redhanded and told that I would tell father this bitch said she whaf the fuck is your father gonna do huh? " Jisko tu baap bol rha hain na woh sirf meri wajah se pal rha hain tujhe jiss din ye hath hatt jayega na uss din pata lagega tujhe naali ka keeda kahin ka" She raised me in adversities Ik her struggle but should I listen to all of this the man who also although not from the very start took care of me should I let him live a bubble , today my father knows everything but still he believes in mother absolute fool of a man he is she has cheated on him multiple times but just because he has three kids he is not taking divorce because who will watch the kids when he is not here. Its also not possible for my dadi to see us as my mother has always had bitter relations with everyone close to my father Today as well my dad left sometime ago for airport he is flying today this women gave him so much stress he had had brainstroke at the age of 40, my grandmother that is my mum's mother is here with us so she told me to get her medicines while I was going out with my father , she gave me 500 rupees eventhough I wasn't going to take it my father's upi wasn't working well yesterday so I thought that I should take the money for emergencies. So I took the money and after everything was done I came home forgetting that I had to take medicines for my grandma too I dropped dad at home and went out to get medicines while getting the medicines the shop next to it was closing so I quickly got 3 pack of chips for me and my brothers I did not use upi there as I thought giving cash would be fast.I paid the shopkeeper 60 rupees and he handed over 440 to me after which I gave 100 to a istri wala the bill was 5p but we both did bit have change so I told him that he could just give me next time and today my other asks me about WHY I HAD ASKED MY GRANDMOTHER FOR MONEY FOR THE MEDICINES.Even when I told her she told me why didn't I use paytm why did I TAKE MONEY FROM HER. She says If I did not use the money I should pay it back. I her the remaining money she still made a big deal out of it and told my father" ITNI BHI AUKAAT NHI HAI HUMARI JO MERI MAA SE PAISE MANGNE PAD RHE HAIN USKI MEDICINE KE LIYE" and made a scene out of it my dad was about to cancel his job because she said she would leave rn this happened an hour or two ago before this post was posted. I'm fed up with this shit I really am I wish to get into BITS and leave this family after I graduate and keep minimal contact with thsi hellhole. When I leave I ain't coming back never again.

New to 11th took integrated......phy ncert jhata samaj Raha. Abhi tak coaching modules and notes se hi padh Raha. Any reference book which i should buy for phy theory and numericals............ Plss ek ya 2 hi books batana.......or else it will end up like maine 5 books kharidi and usme se ek ko bhi haath nahi lagaya.
Thanks in advance 🙏🙏

This would have happened at the end of the season party.
Harsh - Show koi bhi jeeta but Rushali and I were the lion and lioness of the villa 😎🦁🦁
Arbaz - Bhai tumne to King Kaween bola tha. Sher Sherni to hum they 🤔😎
Harsh - Mai to bas romance karne Gaya tha Splitsvilla. Mujhse panga liya to dikha dunga fir 😡
Rushali - Bhai bas karde overacting. Splitsvilla over ho gaya. Waise bhi maine sabko bata diya hai that we are just friends and bahar se setting karke aaye they 😏
Raja - Harsh bhai ye thoda jyada ho raha hai. Ladki ne dil tod diya tera. Iska Phone utha ke fek 😶
Nayera - Please guys ye se sab faltu ki baate karke party ki vibe ki maa behen mat karo 😑
Siwet - Maa ke bare me bola ? tu ladka hoti to mu tod deta tera 😡
Anicka - Siwet wtf is wrong with you. Mu se hagna band karde. I'm fucking traumatized because of you. 🥲🥲🥲 Poore season ek task dhang se nahi hua tere se
Aniket - Dikki dekh tere wajeh se ye ladai ho gai 🙄
Deekila - Ayyyyyeeee maire ko dhokhaa diya saaaale neee !!! 😡😢😡😢
Aniket - sorry sorry... I wanna get married to you............some day........... eventually.................when I'm ready to settle down. Please calm down 🙏
Unnati - Ye marrige se yaad aaya, Arbaaz bhai bhabhi kaisi hai ? 🤣
Digvijay - Haan aur Tera bf kaisa hai ye bhi bata de sath me ? 😂
Ishita - See I told you I'm better for you than her 🙄
Kashish and Addy see that no one is noticing them and they start making out in front of everyone 😘
Adit/ Khanak - Guys we know you are doing this for attention but there are no cameras here. Please stop this falcon shit in public 🤮
Akriti - Hein. No cameras. To mai yaha kya kar rahi hu 🤔
Akriti - Guys tum sabne bohat pee rakhi hai. To tum sab ek kaam karo. Sab apne wallets and belongings mere is bag me daal do nahi to gum ho jayega. 🤑🤑🤑
Jash - Guys tum sabne bohat pee rakhi hai. To tum sab ek kaam karo. Sab apne wallets and belongings Akriti ke bag me daal do nahi to gum ho jayega. 🤪
Sachin - Akriti ye sab mat kar yaar. I know tera kya plan hai 🤦‍♂️
Akriti - Chotu jyada faltu ki bakwaas mat karna mujhse samjhe. Poore season tumko itne favors kiye hain. Meri wajeh se tum aaj yaha khade ho. Chalo ab favor return karo and niklo yaha se 😏
Akriti - Ayushman tum bade chup khade ho aaj. Kuch bol kuy nahi rahe ?
Ayushman - Bola bhi to editors ne kaat hi dena hai sab and tujhe hi dikhana hai. Kuy karu fir bekaar me mehnat 😐
And that was the last time they saw Akriti and their belongings 💀

Parents ne aaram se bol diya 6th ko ki drop lelo.
5th ki raat ko 9:30 PM pe marks bataye to mammi ki baatein sunke bathroom mai rone chali gyi. Bahar aayi 10 baje sab sone chale gye bina kuch bhi bole.
Cut to 6th. Maine poocha jhel loge ek aur sal? Saha jayega mujhe ghar baithe dekhna?
Kyuki mujhe pata hai na. Mai jab bhi hasungi mammi ko lagega time waste kar rahi hu. Bahar jane ko bolungi to tale mai band kar dengi. Chillaungi to marne ki dhamki dengi. Papa ka jahan matter karta hai wahan muh nhi khulega. 2 mahine mai nafrat ho jayegi dono ko mujhse.
Sab kuch to de diya iss sapne ko. Pehla drop tha typhoid hogya April mai aake. 600 cross to huye par kya kre. Middle class. Upar se general. Ghar ka bada bacha.
Bhagwan kare meri mammi ko chutkara mil jaye mujhse one way or another. Mujhse ab jeete nhi ban rha yaar.

Not an act of laziness current life circumstances i continue to work amidst fun, play and doing good. Amidst my wiggle room. And only those awakened will understand. And damn vinted is hard work as well risks taken to ultimately spread joy. There were literally blisters after I was realized.
Shree Krishna confirms influencing the departure of Lee a inpatient in salford meadowbank when M was in there- knowing it was messing life up in there for my man- although he was genuinely a very very very very tough sadhana in meadowbank, he is NOT responsible and is not attributed responsibility for those actions (he was not conscious). They judge him too much. He's a pleasant guy- was led to him earlier.. and a believer in God.
Humans think locking people up, injections solve things- problems of the mind ultimately require help beyond the mind. Lee a completely different human outside of that place.
Incidentally..
Not all Ms funds have gone on saving starving children nowhere near but let's be honest enough to save alot of lives again -influence others to save loads of sufferings. M thanks Shree Krishna and God ultimately for this message, this life, this moment whether they believe him or not-as gods will.
Today so far a day off in terms of physical earning money work....which has been vinted for last few weeks crossed with saving lives, saving sufferings, possibly making someone's dreams come true in future depending on what this world values.
Life circumstances they still won't just settle that estate allowing me to do my thing- something M may be ripped apart for. Yet how much is in Ms hands- Shree Krishna is the greatest and god is even greater. They meaning BP (one time Bhima) and JP (One time Yudhishthira) let alone what would make such a difference not only to M but to starving people ultimately the few ks owed by VP in London. 7k man...may split. Still 3.5k. Such a difference ultimately.
Shree Krishna communicates that the morrocan earthquake in 2023 would almost certainly have been prevented with access to hashish there increasing the powers of M. So much suffering. Had I the liquid funds and they believed me then.....literally millions of sufferings stopped in time let alone what people look at millions in damages for 2 odd grand. That's the difference and importance of M.
I hope they take it easier on M if the night clip viralises....hes been nowhere near those states to manifest birds at night.
I simply haven't had the funds. The world will crucify even the guy that saved the world by taking the suffering?
Immediate wish at some point is to spend some time in India which I hope Shree Krishna grants, pay remaining debts, and yeah feed people. Ebay account wish manifests reinstatement then we'll see ultimately 🙏
Online crucification after the latest post. Mind of M (and sometimes) still doesn't want to viralise. On the higher level, kids starving, wars, knifings, even the concept of Guns is kinda insane to have come into creation (spiritual guidance and the kurukshetra war are completely different stories.
Higher identities of people identified using siddhi (Sanskrit for Spiritual power).
M remains the luckiest guy on earth?
And surely I deserve my relative modest wealth asap?
(Whether they like it or not parties genuinely caused the starvation of people to death by not settling said estate).
I confirm Mahadevi Latika Ambika was pretty much untouchable on earth to the best of my knowledge. To the best of my knowledge was the reincarnation of the goddess Parvati Maa, Ambe Maa and most famous across the world, the most famous woman in human history, considered the greatest woman in HUMAN history by Islamic Scholars and Christian Scholars, MOTHER MARY back as a Naturalized British Indian Ugandan Born lady 2000 YEARS on, speculated as the genuine GOAT...spiritual iq unparalleled, wishes granted, starving kids saved in time, ultimately Ambika Consciousness reveals I type.
Starring in gods biggest mirencle ever on earth 🌎
M (the REAL life JIGSAW, SUPERMAN, RAIN MAN Main current income via PIP which he deserves cause of the leg pains (not the trillion in the catholic church thats mine, the millions in MVT are MVs, all subject to gods will, still a human), they don't realize the Red Hoodie alone could be worth £100m in a years time.....
God is the greatest
The ex king of dwarka back as a BOY from BOLTON with Lotus feet that stop earthquakes?
The same feet on JC?
Never....
Facebook for proofs of M was during Typhoon Haiyan in 2013 and the Aegean sea earthquake 2020....if you was made aware of the reasons why he was there would you go???
Life is the dancer you are the dance
The serious matter.....
End game...
Heavens or Hells....
Current "rich" folk (they haven't done much with their lives, kick a football, betray, credit on earning the money- not credit for doing nowhere near enough good with it people starving and in cases stepping on everyone to get it) who haven't done enough
To best of the authors knowledge random ones....on 10th May 7.44pm 2024
King Charles, Vlad ofcourse, Mr Trump, Peter Jones, James Caan, Duncan Bannatyne, suella Braverman, Rishi Sunak, Tito Ortiz, Mark Zuckerberg,
Generic guidance each life is equal...gods gift to man.
Wars need to end ASAP to avoid hells for many...including soldiers killing
"Army pays my wages, etc. The mind reasons.
God is greater than a number and killing people 🙏 (they kicked off the guy feeding starving children off ebay you'll find a way as did he at the moment he always will god willing)
In event of demise of the author (one wish was a peaceful passage in sleep, HOPEFULLY many decades but as gods will).
Military spending overnight should be cut across the world by 50% by the end of the year
Gods biggest mirencle ever 🙏