Hello! Hola! Here I am looking for some companionship. Latino guy, from Mexican decent who's wanting to meet someone special. Speak both English and Spanish, of course! Wanting to build a relationship, with hopefully something serious down the line. Have many different interests ranging from Anime, Comics, Manga, Sports, Video Games, Music, Movies, and some other stuff as well. Right now working at a Medical Warehouse, evening shift. Don't have much figured out, but I'm on the right path to go forward! I'll put a bit about myself as well, just to see if there's any similar interests!
Favorite soccer teams are Chelsea FC and Club América. Punk rock is my favorite genre with many different others as well. So feel free to ask about whatever artist or band! I'm more than happy for any recommendations for music. Don't drink or smoke, been straight edge for as long as I can remember. But don't mind if you do. Ah and a I love Pro Wrestling! Been a fan since I was a kid. Message with any cool interests or something fun you do! Whether you're a chill homebody or enjoy going out.

Hi,
I dated someone for around 7 months, not long I know but we lived together for that whole time and spent a ridiculous amount of time together. We were technically never officially together for a variety of reasons, including that we both got out of relationships earlier in the year and that she was planning on going travelling for 6 months. Whether we liked it or not our relationship kept moving forward and no matter how hard we tried to just be friends we'd inevitably drift closer to one another over and over again.
Just over a week before she was due to go on her travels she asked me if I wanted to travel New Zealand and Fiji with her, she knew she was my priority and that I would say yes. It was also her first time travelling alone and being so far away from home, and I'm from New Zealand so I wanted to support her and help her transition into her travels. And of course, have a good experience with her because I loved her and was willing to spend my life with her. I had to leave London to do this and would need to stay in New Zealand for a few months to save up enough money so that I could start over when I got back to London. The travels went well, it's really easy for us to be around each other and we had a good time.
On our second to last day in Fiji, before we were going to go our separate ways, me back to New Zealand and her to Australia, we had a talk about what was going on between us. I made it clear that I thought that we should be together, and that if we were going to be together after her travels then there's no reason that we shouldn't just be together now. From her perspective, she'd been in relationships for most of her late teens and early twenties and felt like she needed to be alone for a while in order to work on her mental health and focus on herself. The relationship was also oddly very serious and she said she knew that if we were to officially be together that, that would be it and that we'd never break up. Which I agreed with. In addition, she was scared of getting into a relationship before her travels and neither of us being sure when exactly we'd see each other next, which would be hard. She cried for most of the night, and said she wished she thought things through more and held back on her travels so that we were in a better position to do this and be together. In the end we decided to keep things as they were and not commit fully, and see where we were after her travels and try to see each other as soon as possible while she was travelling.
Fast forward not even a week later, she calls me and tells me that she doesn't know what she was thinking and wants to be together, and that we could make it work while she's travelling. She was in Australia at the time and asked me to come over from New Zealand for a few days, so that we could talk about it some more and see each other. I jumped up and bought a ticket the next morning. Whilst there, we talked about our future a little, what we wanted to focus on over the next year, talked about our families, and me meeting her grandparents, and I confirmed with her that we were going to do this.
The day before my flight back we went shopping, she has BPD and some issues with her self esteem at times. She didn't feel like she looked good in anything she was trying on and started to spiral, during this period I'd try to comfort her because I could see her becoming more and more panicked as the time went on, and after a few hours this started to wear me down a little, so I decided to walk about the shops for a bit in order to keep myself busy as I was starting to sulk a little and felt completely drained. Basically, she gave up on trying to find anything but was livid at me for walking around and not waiting at the cubicles to support her. She made a comment about other bfs supporting their gfs better while they are shopping, which was unfounded as I'd been shopping with her for countless hours and never complain. So this upset me a little. Fast forward, we get back to the hotel and while we are arguing what's going on, she just blurts out that she cant be in a relationship and that she needs to work on her mental health. She argued that she'd just push and pull me for years and that she didn't want to do that to me. Obviously I understood the nature of her BPD and that she struggles with keeping her emotions under control but the blind sidedness of the whole situation completely through me back. My flight was the next morning, and she attempted to leaved me in the hotel room without having a single conversation about what happened. Similarly on the way to the airport she was unable to speak and couldn't explain to me what was going on.
After being back in New Zealand for a couple of days I started to push her for clarity and an explanation of what was going on. I new that because of her BPD that I needed to giver her space, and I new that if I gave her time that things would most likely work out and go back to normal, but I was tired of her BPD controlling her ability to communicate and take any accountability for her behaviour whatsoever. I saw it as a form of control and avoidance, and at this point I was unwilling to bend the knee to her BPD and needed an explanation because my mental health was starting to deteriorate as I couldn't make sense of what had happened. I begged her for clarity for almost a week, whilst she barely replied. She messaged and said that we could have a conversation, I asked if there was any point in it because at this point I was starting to get too angry at her, she said we could have one to try and salvage some sort of friendship, I agreed. As soon as I agreed she sent me a long text explaining that she isn't going to give me clarity because of a few things I said earlier on in the week and blocked me on everything. What I said earlier on in the week is that because of the blindside and her inability to have a single conversation with me that I felt like she'd manipulated and used me for comfort throughout the relationship.
So yeah, can someone explain to me how you go from asking someone to fly to a different country because you want to be together, talking about your future together, like where we wanted to live and what we wanted to do etc, to breaking up with someone over nothing and then completely blocking them from your life? I've never done anything to her that warranted anything like this, it's been 3 months, I'm practically suicidal and just pulled out of my masters by not going to my exams even though I'm on an A- after my assignments. I'm completely lost and honestly an oddly calm suicidal, which is scaring me. Just for clarity, she is diagnosed with BPD and CPTSD, and is the quite type.

I hit it off with a guy on grindr last week and we tentatively made plans to hang out this weekend depending on if his pride plans fell through or not. They ended up not falling through so he proposed to hanging out next weekend instead to which I agreed and was understanding about.
Fast forward to today, I asked him what day of the upcoming weekend would work for him so I can plan around it. He then tells me, "actually, it will have to be a 'maybe' this weekend" because he might want to hang with the people he met at pride last night. I told him that is fine but because we are 50 miles away it does require some planning and I can't have it just be "up in the air." He told me he will let me know by FRIDAY if he can hang or not.
I was starting to get the message that he isn't interested and getting flakey vibes from him so I told him that im no longer interested because I cannot just wait a day for his decision and needed some kind of commitment given that we are 50 miles apart. He then sent me mass text messages complaining that he can't give me an answer because of work and his dogs which honestly sounds like excuses to me.
if you really want to meet someone, you'll find the time, right? AITA?

We have been dating for about a month now, seeing each other maybe 2 times per week. Our dates have been really fun and intimate, and we've been having sex regularly since the beginning. This past week on our last date, I mentioned that I want to take things slow. I said this because she questioned what I meant when I said I wanted to keep her around for longer than a few weeks when we were teasing each other. This put her off and she said she didn't like "being a part of someone else's plan." I didn't intend it that way but I think I said it because I unrightly feared she would leave me eventually, sooner than later.
I acknowledge that I'm more insecure than I let on and I'm actively working on this.
Since this night, she has grown pretty distant but she still sends me a text almost daily but it's changed from "how was your day" to "hope you have a good day". I've been feeling anxious and insecure about this, and outside of 1 poor text related to this, I'm doing my best to make sure I'm not projecting it on her, and sitting with the discomfort, since it's my own fabrication.
Most recently she's mentioned "I'm finding it hard to have things to say to people in the last couple days" and clarified it's mostly to do with me and her mother. We talked about it and we both agreed that we want to make sure we're compatible with each other in more ways before getting too far into it. At least that's how I understand our conversation.
I sense that she's holding back from talking to me because she doesn't want to push things faster than I'm comfortable with, when in reality things have slowed down more than I'm used to. I honestly didn't intend to slow things down any more than they were. Perhaps things were naturally slowing down and I was getting insecure about it?
I really like this girl beyond just the fun we've had. I care about her, we think a lot alike, we have similar ambitions and adventure goals. I want to protect her and make her laugh, but I feel like I've fucked this up.
Could someone from an outside perspective share an opinion on this? Is there toxicity in here? Am I reading her statements incorrectly?
How can I progress this relationship forward?

Hi,
I dated someone or around 7 months, not long I know but we lived together for that whole time and spent a ridiculous amount of time together. We were technically never officially together for a variety of reasons, including that we both got out of relationships earlier in the year and that she was planning on going travelling for 6 months. Whether we liked it or not our relationship kept moving forward and no matter how hard we tried to just be friends we'd inevitably drift closer to one another over and over again.
Just over a week before she was due to go on her travels she asked me if I wanted to travel New Zealand and Fiji with her, she knew she was my priority and that I would say yes. It was also her first time travelling alone and being so far away from home, and I'm from New Zealand so I wanted to support her and help her transition into her travels. And of course, have a good experience with her because I loved her and was willing to spend my life with her. I had to leave London to do this and would need to stay in New Zealand for a few months to save up enough money so that I could start over when I got back to London. The travels went well, it's really easy for us to be around each other and we had a good time.
On our second to last day in Fiji, before we were going to go our separate ways, me back to New Zealand and her to Australia, we had a talk about what was going on between us. I made it clear that I thought that we should be together, and that if we were going to be together after her travels then there's no reason that we shouldn't just be together now. From her perspective, she'd been in relationships for most of her late teens and early twenties and felt like she needed to be alone for a while in order to work on her mental health and focus on herself. The relationship was also oddly very serious and she said she knew that if we were to officially be together that, that would be it and that we'd never break up. Which I agreed with. In addition, she was scared of getting into a relationship before her travels and neither of us being sure when exactly we'd see each other next, which would be hard. She cried for most of the night, and said she wished she thought things through more and held back on her travels so that we were in a better position to do this and be together. In the end we decided to keep things as they were and not commit fully, and see where we were after her travels and try to see each other as soon as possible while she was travelling.
Fast forward not even a week later, she calls me and tells me that she doesn't know what she was thinking and wants to be together, and that we could make it work while she's travelling. She was in Australia at the time and asked me to come over from New Zealand for a few days, so that we could talk about it some more and see each other. I jumped up and bought a ticket the next morning. Whilst there, we talked about our future a little, what we wanted to focus on over the next year, talked about our families, and me meeting her grandparents, and I confirmed with her that we were going to do this.
The day before my flight back we went shopping, she has BPD and some issues with her self esteem at times. She didn't feel like she looked good in anything she was trying on and started to spiral, during this period I'd try to comfort her because I could see her becoming more and more panicked as the time went on, and after a few hours this started to wear me down a little, so I decided to walk about the shops for a bit in order to keep myself busy as I was starting to sulk a little and felt completely drained. Basically, she gave up on trying to find anything but was livid at me for walking around and not waiting at the cubicles to support her. She made a comment about other bfs supporting their gfs better while they are shopping, which was unfounded as I'd been shopping with her for countless hours and never complain. So this upset me a little. Fast forward, we get back to the hotel and while we are arguing what's going on, she just blurts out that she cant be in a relationship and that she needs to work on her mental health. She argued that she'd just push and pull me for years and that she didn't want to do that to me. Obviously I understood the nature of her BPD and that she struggles with keeping her emotions under control but the blind sidedness of the whole situation completely through me back. My flight was the next morning, and she attempted to leaved me in the hotel room without having a single conversation about what happened. Similarly on the way to the airport she was unable to speak and couldn't explain to me what was going on.
After being back in New Zealand for a couple of days I started to push her for clarity and an explanation of what was going on. I new that because of her BPD that I needed to giver her space, and I new that if I gave her time that things would most likely work out and go back to normal, but I was tired of her BPD controlling her ability to communicate and take any accountability for her behaviour whatsoever. I saw it as a form of control and avoidance, and at this point I was unwilling to bend the knee to her BPD and needed an explanation because my mental health was starting to deteriorate as I couldn't make sense of what had happened. I begged her for clarity for almost a week, whilst she barely replied. She messaged and said that we could have a conversation, I asked if there was any point in it because at this point I was starting to get too angry at her, she said we could have one to try and salvage some sort of friendship, I agreed. As soon as I agreed she sent me a long text explaining that she isn't going to give me clarity because of a few things I said earlier on in the week and blocked me on everything. What I said earlier on in the week is that because of the blindside and her inability to have a single conversation with me that I felt like she'd manipulated and used me for comfort throughout the relationship.
So yeah, can someone explain to me how you go from asking someone to fly to a different country because you want to be together, talking about your future together, like where we wanted to live and what we wanted to do etc, to breaking up with someone over nothing and then completely blocking them from your life? I've never done anything to her that warranted anything like this, it's been 3 months, I'm practically suicidal and just pulled out of my masters by not going to my exams even though I'm on an A- after my assignments. I'm completely lost and honestly an oddly calm suicidal, which is scaring me.

Ok, so this is a long story so bear with me. I’m not lying, I’m not exaggerating, I’m just sharing what I experienced. I’ve had a few possible paranormal encounters in my life, but nothing like this. Not even close.
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Moved in with old roomie “Cassidy”and her two dogs back in Aug 2021. We had an apt for a year prior to moving to the duplex. The new place was a on the south end of Columbus, not the best area, but I can deal with addicts and persistent homeless people no problem. I couldn’t deal with what ever was there.
Move in was normal chaos, boxes, sleeping on a mattress with your bed frame next to you, painting, etc; nothing out of the ordinary happening.
After a few weeks I was constantly misplacing things. This is far from unheard of for me, but it was out of control. Keys I put in the middle of an empty table wouldn’t be there 10 min later. I’d start looking for them and then eventually they’d be back where I left them. This wasn’t daily, but enough to mention.
Duplex was two stories, shitty creaky floors, thin walls, I could hear my neighbors farts. For a bit it sounded like someone was walking on the second floor, but no one was home or up there. Just assumed it was the neighbors.
That assumption was disproven when my neighbors were out on our shared porch and I was inside. Heard the footsteps and thought “oh ok we have a lil ghost” whatever, I can deal with that.
Footsteps were light and always in a quick patter, like a like kid who doesn’t know how to skip trying to skip. I’d get a tap on my shoulder here and there. All harmless stuff.
Soon I started hearing my roomate ask for me or say my name when she wasn’t home. I never said anything to her in fear of sounding bonkers.
Fast forward to like November 2021. Roomate comes to me in the morning and asked if I’ve had anything spooky happen in the house beyond the footsteps and such; I told her about hearing her ask for me when she wasn’t home.
She paused and did one of those “eyes slightly closed, goddamnit ok” soft nods.
Told me she’s been having the same thing happen, but me ask for her (obv). Never wanted to say anything for the same reason, but as she was falling asleep last night her mirror fell. One of those cheap Walmart floor mirrors.
Well it didn’t fall, technically. It started to tip over, paused for a second, cracked, then fell. She got freaked out, but didn’t know if she was just lucid dreaming or something.
After she mentioned this and we both acknowledged hearing shit, stuff picked up a smidge. The footsteps became more frequent, I had a few “taps” on my back, and would occasionally catch something juuuuuust in the corner of my eye; but never full on.
Blah blah blah, nothing crazy for a bit.
Late January Cassidy is out for the night and I’m passing out in my bed. I’m in that juicy spot, park comfort and cozy levels reached, and where you know you’re about to fall asleep. Then, I feel breath in my ear and hear.
“I’m downstairs, come on.”
I get covered in goosebumps, just like I am now retyping this insanity. My phone dings, there’s a notification from my security camera.
This is what it shows
I immediately text my roommate and surround myself with her dogs. We chat about it the next day agree upon “yeah spooky for sure, but like what can ya do.” And move on.
Everything stays the same for a while, until Cassidy moved out mid april 2022 and obviously took her dogs with her. Then shit got wild fast.
Within the first week of solo house life I’m in my room, laying in bed. The foot of my bed faces the door, TV is to the right of it. I’m not sleeping, just chilling watching TV.
From the top of the door frame is a
Smack smack smack. Like undeniably.
Like an open palm hitting it. Not like "ohhh what's that noise" more like “oh fuck that!”
I go sleep downstairs.
I move out of my bedroom and into Cassidy’s empty room the next day. No issues for a night or two.
Im on my bed, which is on the floor (not about to take my bed frame apart and reset it up.) I think I was either doing nonsense on my phone, or nonsense on my laptop. Either way, I was doing nothing important. The door to the hallway is across from me in the left corner of the room.
From the hallway an unfamiliar, wildly uncomfortable noise. The quick lil footsteps I became accustomed to, nah. They got heavier and slower. Pacing down the hallway. Not constant, but enough for me to hate everything.
I stand up and go to the door, poke my head into the hallway and have my chest like brushed. Not shoved or pushed, not caressed, just like "yeah I can touch you" thing.
Message received. Out loud I say something like “ok bud I'll fucking go, Jesus"
Go to the bed and start packing a bag. My back is at the corner of the room, like the fucking wall. I can feel something there with me, like right freaking there. My feelings are confirmed when over my shoulder is a growl. Not like a dog growling, but a distinguishable sound. Best way I can explain it is if you asked a tired overweight guy to impersonate an empty stomach.
I dip so fast. Stay at my art studio.
I go back during the day and try to push it to the back of my mind while I start packing my shit.
I’m moving, or attempting to (credit score and financial situation aren’t ideal). I’ve seen horror movies, I know staying helps nothing.
After staying at my art studio a few nights and spending the days there packing with no activity; I decide to stay another night. Afterall, my studio is not the most comfortable place to sleep.
First night back. Nothing. Just the overwhelming fear that it’s going to happen again.
Second night. Nothing.
Third night. Same.
Kk so maybe I had carbon monoxide poisoning or something the other night. I try to breathe easy but that stuff was terrifying, so easier said than done.
Once I somewhat settled back in while continuing to pack up, the footsteps started back up.
Things progressed like a heroin addict’s tolerance after a quick stint in a rehab.
Then I start catching little glimpses of it. where it will be like right at my shoulder, juiuuust enough in my peripheral for me to notice it's there
As soon as my eyes stop focusing on an area and my head turns, bam If it's in that corner.
A bunch of creepy ass shit started to happen. Here are some examples:
I was showering naked as most people do, recently removed shirt was on the floor leaning on the closed door. I rinse my face and then my shirt is halfway under the door.
My leg was grabbed, like legit pulled, while walking up my steps.
Lil closet door slammed shut (get more creative ghost, this is so over used)
The house got unbearable, especially upstairs.
The second I would go up there it would be right on my back. Not touching me, but like right right there. Juuuuuust out of sight. You could feel it. Every step I took it took with me.
This wasn’t just at night anymore, it was always.
Keep in mind I’m packing up to move, so I don’t have a choice but to be there sometimes. I never go at night anymore, and if I have to go upstairs, to pack; I’m supermarket sweep styling that shit.
My final fuck this was at the end of May, I was in my room finishing up packing. My room was hands down the worst spot in the house. It did not want me there, at all.
It’s presence in there was sooooo intense, this time I ended up sprinting out of my house and never went back.
Looking out the windows from my room while closing a box, in the reflection I see it. Like when you look down a well and it’s just pitch black, it’s like that. It’s at my wall, like 7 feet tall, just looming. I turn around; gone.
I’m a bit uneasy to say the least, it was like a magician coming up with new tricks to wow the audience. Just replace wow with terrify and audience with me.
Throughout this nightmare I would often set up my phone along with the security camera. I just wanted to get something to prove I wasn’t bonkers. This was the last time I would have to do that.
So like I had done in the past, my trembling hand sets up my shitty iPhone 6s and hits record. I go downstairs. Then when I come back up to check if there was anything, there was this…..
Just listen, ignore footsteps and floor creeks.
It told me to get out; so I did.

As the title says I’m lonely and hate to admit it. During school I was the guy that was known but not really known you know? I was cool with everyone I never really fit into a “clique” or had my own group but I was considered one of the nicest people in school. After hours I’m a nobody and never got invited to hangout with groups of friends after school, I know they would hangout because they post everything on stories. Work is the same, I laugh and joke around with co-workers, customers alike but again after hours is a different story. I don’t really have much going on outside of those two things well really one now since I’ve graduated highschool. None of my highschool “friends” talk to me anymore which I’ve kinda expected but then again I knew most of these people since 8th grade so I didn’t think I’d just be forgotten like that? I get it everybody is living life and I’ve tried multiple times to initiate hangout, chat ect ect but it’s just watering dead plants. I tried not texting anyone for a week to see if anyone would reach out and nothing.. nothing at all. I’ve pretty much deactivated any social media because it just upsets me to have it and it’s only used to look at everyone else having a great life and I’m just stuck in limbo. Since 2022 I’ve been stressed with everything going on, involving my family, at the time girlfriend and I really haven’t been the same. I lost my two main friends I’ve known since 6th grade, they got tired of being ghosting and such so I pretty much have nobody now. I’ve tried getting back into some old hobbies gaming, arts and crafts, collecting diecast but I lose focus and interest. I don’t really have the motivation to do anything else. I’m kind’ve just living to live at this point. The only thing I get any enjoyment of is music, got playlists that describe my mood and music eases of the pain of my existence and makes me forget about all the bad things that have happened to me. Outside of all of that the main thing I have going for me is work and it isn’t much. I’ve tried therapy (because of my mom) I used (BetterHelp) and the therapist just left the chat in the middle of the session so I’ve given up trying to vent to “friends” or anyone else I know because I’m convinced nobody cares.

okay so this might be long because i want to provide as much detail as possible so you can get the full picture. i (23NB) have lived in this NYC apartment for 4 years, and lived with one of my roommates (24F) (will be referred to as “A”) for the entirety of the time i’ve been in the city, which is 6 years. we were assigned roommates in college and just kept living together because at the time we were good friends and it worked! we had rotating 3rd roommates throughout the years and dealt with a lot of crazy shit together, including a violent roommate, but that’s a story for a different day. so this roommate and i had been having some issues for the past couple of years because she got addicted to ketamine. i felt responsible for her because it started out as us using recreationally together but she spiraled out of control with it and honestly the entire situation was just a lot on me. throughout her addiction she was doing, at one point, 16 grams in 3 days, so i was really worried that she would die, not to mention she doesn’t really test her drugs and was getting it from a neighborhood that’s notorious for fentanyl. it honestly became my full time job to take care of her, but at the end of the day I was just trying to be a good friend. after some therapy/self work, i now realize how enabling the role I was playing actually was, but it was just the position that I was put in and I had also never dealt with something like this before. I feel like for further context, i should add that A’s parents pay her rent and for a lot of things for her. she had a part time job at the time and was also in school but left due to her addiction. the situation that i am in is very different, my family does not support me financially and i pay for everything for myself and have made my way pretty much on my own. i’m pretty established in my neighborhood because I am a tattoo artist at a local shop and also have worked for 3 other businesses within the same few blocks. i also consistently have multiple jobs at once, now i have 3, and for a long time I was working 6 days a week. not really relevant to the situation but needless to say, i already have a LOT on my plate. anyways, so yeah. for about almost 2 years, i was dealing with my roommates addiction. i watched her overdose and throw up on herself 5-7 times, she projectile vomited all over the house, i have dragged her out of a pool of her own vomit, she would consistently lie to me about whether she was high or had bought ketamine, and our other friends and i would go through her room to make sure she wasn’t hiding it countless times, (to no avail obviously, she would always lie and say she didn’t have any more when she did, hidden in hard to find places.) it affected everyone in our friend group and in her life. but especially me because i was really the only person who was physically present for it all. i tried talking to her about it at first, and was very understanding and patient with her and genuinely was doing my best to help because she was my friend, we were really close, and I didn’t want to see her die or ruin her life. she also expected me to say something to her and would tell me that i should say something if i thought she was high. she would say this when she was sober and it started off an an “accountability partner” thing, but eventually became very codependent and unhealthy. even when i would ask her, she would lie. i made it very clear from the beginning that all of this was damaging our relationship, but i was still doing my best to be her friend and be there for her. at one point, i even took the drugs out of her room and hid them in mine to take to another friends house the next day to dispose of them, and she went into my room and found them. it reached a point where I made her call her parents and tell them what had been going on. calling her parents had honestly been in discussion for a while, and the sober version of her agreed that it needed to happen. she got a slap on the wrist and sent to the mental hospital for a few days, she even convinced them to let her out early! her parents also weren’t really involved in her care at all after because she has never been disciplined in her life, her parents think she can do no wrong. she relapsed soon after she got out and at this point, I started taking a lot more space for myself because I was mentally and emotionally drained and it was clear that all my efforts were in vain. this was after dealing with it for about a year. honestly, i should have definitely started planning on moving out around this point. the reasons I didn’t were the fact that i still considered A to be one of my best friends despite what we had gone through, all of my jobs are like a 5-10 minute walk away, and I also loved my room. i put a lot of time and effort into decorating it and I had also lived there for a long time and for a really great price, $850 for a huge room with a dishwasher, laundry in building, AND a rooftop i can smoke on outside my window with a view of a GREEN backyard with PLANTS. not some concrete bs. that’s UNHEARD OF in nyc. im also not really great with change, even if it’s for the best, and to be honest i was also naive and thought things would eventually go back to normal. this was a person that i previously trusted a lot, i didn’t think she would normally do these things to me. anyways, eventually she got sober and then my, at the time, best friend of 7 years from home, a state across the country, moved in. (22 F, let’s call her “B”) we met in high school and I was in the class above her. we only went to school together for a year before I graduated and moved to NYC, so for the past few years, our friendship had been over facetime/seeing eachother occasionally when I would come visit. B’s background is similar to mine, the state we’re from is very impoverished and we both left the religion we were raised as. another huge reason she moved here was so that she could start medically transitioning and get on estrogen. i was really excited for her and also wanted to support her in her transition, im also non binary and we come from a really transphobic state, so growing up queer in the south was like a huge part of our friendship, and when she moved in, she didn’t have a lot of gender affirming clothes, and i had a ton of clothes, so i gave her a bunch of mine, i sent her resources, lent her books/zines, point is i really was trying to support her, and before she moved in and even throughout us living together we would talk for hours about this stuff. also, normally, i would not feel the need to even mention the fact that someone is trans, but all of this is relevant to the story. i will also add that I know now to never live with friends! at the time, i thought it would be okay because I trusted her and we seemed to have good communication on roommate matters and i think we both had good intentions going into it. we would say things like “i don’t plan on moving out on bad terms” “we can communicate and respect eachothers boundaries!” etc. i also knew that she really wanted to move here because she had talked about it for years and she came and visited before she moved in. so yeah, things were great at first, but not for long. so I am someone who, like I said, am at work most of the time and when i come home from work I just want to relax and smoke weed and chill and if you know me in real life, you know that i’m not a very beefy person and it takes a lot to really make me upset, i’m generally chill about most things, honestly to my detriment. so the first signs of things starting to go south were when B started to say that I was ignoring her. this was confusing to me, as we hung out most days after I got off work, and she even had a job herself at the time, (she’s been fired twice in the past year and was unemployed on and off) so she wasn’t like completely trapped in the house all the time. I would try to inquire further and understand why she thought I was ignoring her, and reassure her that I’m listening. she started telling me that she needs a lot of reassurance, and i told her that I am happy to reassure her whenever needed! we talked it through and i genuinely started to put in a lot of effort into making sure i was being fully present during our time together and also making sure I was hanging out with her enough. this evolved into us having very extensive conversations for hours where she would bring up the fact that she still felt like i was ignoring her, and i would reassure that I was not purposefully ignoring her, im listening and really trying. and almost daily she would bring up a problem that she had with something that I said or did. she even at one point started tweeting about me, saying things like “do u even consider others?”. she also asked me to be on constant emotional monitoring for her, which i told her that i will not do that. i don’t really pick up on subtle social cues or “shade” and also it’s not my job to do that. if something upsets you, you can communicate with me about it instead of being passive aggressive or expecting me to be able to read your mind. plus, real friends don’t have to be responsible for every single emotion! at one point, she told me that she was mad at me because living together wasn’t living up the the idealized version of what she thought it would be. she would also guilt trip me like a LOT. she would be like “as a friend, you should be doing ____ for me” and her requests got more and more ridiculous as time went on, one of them being to basically force myself to start listening to a genre of music that i simply just don’t like or want to listen to during my own time, insinuating that i would be a bad friend if i didn’t like the same music as her. and to that, i tried to explain to her that we don’t have to like the same music in order to be friends and that i don’t care if she listens to music that i don’t particularly listen to on my own, although i am happy to listen to her recommendations, i am picky about the music I listen to. basically i felt like she was trying to find any stupid reason to say i was a bad friend. it started to really annoy me, because i already had a lot on my plate, and honestly i just didn’t have the bandwidth to be fully present all the time, especially after dealing with my other roommates addiction for so long. i needed space and time for myself really badly, and I felt like I was trying really hard to please her to no avail. all of this was incredibly exhausting to deal with. i tried to communicate this to B, but it never got through. during these very tedious conversations, B would say things that were extremely concerning, such as “You need to stop triggering me!!!” to which i responded, “okay let’s make a deal, i will be more mindful of your triggers if you work on managing them.” she would also constantly make accusations at me. for example, she accused me of laughing AT HER when i was not, and I was laughing at something completely unrelated. there were many other times that she accused me of doing and saying things that I never said or did. she would twist my words a lot, things i told her in confidence, and use them against me, adding an entire new meaning to what i was saying. and if i disagreed with her or got even a little defensive she would be like “You just pissed me off!!!!” i honestly felt like she was just picking on me and criticizing me at a lot of points, because I could literally breathe wrong and it would be an issue. i now realize that she actually just needs to create drama, but i didnt want to admit that at the time. again, during this time I was trying to be very calm during our conversations when trying to reassure her and explain myself, but internally I was very stressed out by all of this. at some point during all this, A relapsed. this was a disaster, B knew about the relapse and was lying to me about it. i was especially upset because the way A relapsed was she asked me to unlock the parental password on her phone so she could “update apps”, but instead she downloaded the app she uses to text her plug, so essentially she tricked me into enabling her relapse. i messaged her parents immediately and told them. at this point, i felt like it was expected of me to do that. of course, they basically did nothing for a while, it got really bad. A was basically not functioning at all. she would tell me that she didn’t care how she made me feel. our other friend came over and went through her room and babysat her to make sure she wouldn’t do ketamine but she pretended to go to sleep while he was literally crying next to her and she got up and did it right after he left. a lot of horrible things were said, i would express the fact that i hate that i can’t trust her, and she would scream back “i don’t want you to trust me!”, amongst many other awful things. we would hear loud snorting like every few minutes every single day, which was extremely stressful. she broke the stove because she was high, it was affecting the way she looked and her physical health, and at this point it was a safety concern for her and for B and I, because we did not want to be responsible if something happened to her and this was affecting us tremendously. eventually, B and I called her parents and told them a lot of details and begged them to send her to rehab, I had to send them a long text message being like super blunt about the fact that she needs to get professional help or she will die, and they were basically saying that ultimately it’s up to her, which was bullshit in my opinion, but she did end up going. during the time A was in rehab, things with B got progressively worse. a lot of weird and horrible things started happening, she berated me for like over an hour about one of my closest friendships, that she met once and got “bad vibes from”, i told her that I didn’t want to be put in a position where i have to defend my other friendships to her, especially ones that have nothing to do with her, and that this person is an extremely good friend to me, and that she didn’t have to be around her if she didn’t want to. i was asking her to stop but she wouldn’t! she was pulling bullshit reasons why i shouldn’t hang out with this person anymore out of her ass. for context, B drinks a lot, and she drank the night we all hung out while my other friend and i didn’t really drink. she was like “i actually HAD to drink that night because your friend was making me so uncomfortable!” which, that night was extremely normal and chill, nothing bad happened at all, also don’t blame me or anyone else for your own habits! she would pick fights almost daily. on halloween, we got drunk together with one of the people she was seeing at the time, and she ended up berating me in front of this person for ignoring her, not respecting her, etc and the person had to step in and tell her that she’s making pointed comments at me and not hearing me out, and that she was being horrible to me. (this is not the only time someone hung out with us together and then told her that she was being an asshole to me.) that night, she said a lot of hurtful things, such as “at least i don’t have a bunch of fake friendships!” (as if my friendship with her was the only “real friendship” i could have) and “you don’t have the lesbian experience you claim to have!!!!” (what does that even mean??? i’ve been lesbian since before we met lol) and she also falsely accused me of saying that being a lesbian is worse than being a trans woman, which i never said! i have never even thought that and that is not how i feel at all! at first i tried to explain everything using logic, but eventually i basically told her to stop projecting her insecurities onto me and to stop dragging me into her shit. she slammed the door in my face when we got home. we didn’t talk for like a month. during this month, i really needed some outside support, so i reached out to some trusted people to tell them what was going on and get some advice on what i should do/ how to handle the situation, and to get an outside perspective. honestly, that night was the straw that broke the camels back and sent me into a full mental breakdown from the stress of everything that had been going on in the house. i was like scream crying every single day for the entire month, unable to function at work, not thinking clearly at all. everyone in my life was telling me i should just move out asap. i think i was just extremely upset because I then realized that my relationships with both of them were not healthy, but i really cared about these people. i was extremely disappointed in how things were going, and i was also extremely worried about both of their wellbeings, i didn’t want anything to happen to them or to not have them in my life. and i was also upset that they had been being absolutely horrible to me and i was honestly just sick of being treated like shit by my roommates at this point. honestly i was an asshole when i would talk about it sometimes, but how was i supposed to be kind when everyone was being so cruel to me for no reason? i was honestly really mad, especially because B knew the stress of taking care of A, like why are you adding to the intense stress i already had just experienced?? during this time, i realized that all of this was happening because of B’s untreated BPD. to clarify, i do not care about people having bpd or other mental health disorders as long as you are not hurting other people, which, B was hurting me a lot and honestly our relationship was pretty destructive to my mental health. i also realized that these friendships were wildly codependent and unhealthy, and I needed to set boundaries. i can only take so much abuse!!! and i felt like a scapegoat for both of them and a crutch in the situation. although i still cared for these people, i knew that this was not sustainable long term. i could not handle the weight of A’s life on my back or the way I was being treated by either of them, or the fact that my home was not actually safe. at first, i was going to move out and take a break from the friendships, with the intention of hopefully rekindling when we were all in healthier places, but also the need to move out felt super urgent. the stress from this entire situation had leaked into every area of my life. i was doing poorly at work, every person in my life was telling me how i needed to get out asap because this shit was bad for my health and they had watched my mental health deteriorate because of it but i really didn’t want to move, i had lived there and known these people for so long. after chatting with other people who have bpd who are in therapy and live an emotionally healthy life, they told me that what really helps people with bpd is if you are honest with them and encourage them to seek treatment, as well as setting clear boundaries around their behavior. i was the closest person to her at the time, so i wanted to be honest with her and try to help, i wrote both of my roommates long text messages explaining how i felt and what my boundaries were moving forward. they did not take this well! they started justifying their behavior to eachother, and made me out to be the villain in the story. A told B that i told other people she had bpd, which i did do! but i did that because i needed support and advice, and I also couldn’t handle the horrible treatment i was receiving, the weight of all of this was extremely heavy. not because i was trying to “turn people against her”, as they were trying to make it seem like. this is a real life adult issue, not some petty sides picking bullshit, and i genuinely needed support because everything that was happening was making me feel insane and extremely stressed out. I even previously asked A not to say anything to B to make the situation worse and that at this point I just wanted to have conversations surrounding solution. B was upset that I told people what was going on and accused me of being manipulative. i honestly understand why she would be upset about that, it’s a very stigmatized disorder and it wasn’t really my place to share that information. i also told these people those things in confidence, i didn’t expect them to tell her i said anything to try to make the situation worse. and i also only told people that i trusted and honestly i just wanted help and support and an outside perspective and to express my feelings. after i sent the long text messages to my roommates, (i let B read hers in person so we could have open dialogue and A hers while she was in rehab so she could talk about it in therapy) (also i know that long text messages are not the best way to communicate and work through issues, im going to avoid doing that in the future) B’s response was basically something like, yeah i have bpd and yes I was projecting my shit onto you and lashing out at you, but I used to do way worse things to people. but thank you for typing this out and i’m gonna start going to therapy and working on it. she also said something like “well. friendships are through the good, the bad, and the ugly. sorry that you saw my ugly side!” like. okay. a real apology would be nice lol. in the days after this, i ended up having a huge mental crisis from all of the overwhelming stress and could not function properly, i had to go to the hospital. once i got back from the hospital, all I wanted to do was work on myself. i started creating distance from them and going back to therapy and al anon, and really started trying to pull my own shit together. i apologized for telling other people and said that I wouldn’t tell anyone again, and i didn’t. A’s sibling and i suggested that we go to family therapy so that we could have healthier relationships, A’s parents even offered to pay for it, but it never actually happened. things were kind of okay for the next few months. i wasn’t as close to either of them, but i was okay with that because I needed space and to be able to focus on myself. i talked about it a lot with a therapist, and i was essentially trying to maintain the friendships in a non codependent way. i honestly just kept to myself for a while and started taking a lot more alone time. forgot to mention, another reason they were mad at me was because I was going to move out on short notice (before i went to the hospital), but I also was going to find someone to fill the room to make the process less stressful for them, and i was vetting people to make sure they would be a good fit, and i wanted A and B to meet and approve of the person. i needed to get out of there as fast as possible, but i wanted to put effort into finding someone compatible with them. i already had a place to go lined up, but it fell through (the stress of trying to move also contributed to me going to the hospital and the situation i was going to go into seemed great at first but turned out to be a complete mess), and i also felt really guilty and horrible, so i ended up staying and trying to repair and maintain the relationships while also taking adequate alone time and upholding my boundaries. anyways, a few months pass, all i have been doing at this point is working on myself and going to work and coming home and chilling, there hasn’t really been much conflict besides the normal A being a passive aggressive asshole (which she always has been. looking back, i don’t even know how i was friends with someone like this) and B would still say disturbing things every once in a while, such as comparing me to past friendships that didn’t work out, and at one point she even flipped the narrative subtly to make it seem like i “had an outburst for no reason”. (when she is actually the person who had the outbursts towards me), and generally just blame shifting a lot in subtle ways, saying I was the one who “changed the dynamics of the house”, even though all I did was set boundaries and take time for myself, plus, the previous dynamic obviously was not working. but honestly i was just kind of ignoring it. at this point the dynamic has been A and B spending most of their time together, (they also have a codependent friendship) and me mostly keeping to myself, but hanging out occasionally and being cordial in the apartment. I was okay with that because I really just wanted alone time anyways, and I made it clear to them that I need time to work on myself, which i was doing a lot of, and B started therapy so I thought we were all just kind of working on ourselves at this point and trying to move forward. so one day, A and B go back to A’s home state together for a week, i was honestly a bit upset by this because we originally planned to all go together, we have all always gone together in the past, and honestly i thought things were chill now that everyone was in therapy, plus we had hung out on purpose occasionally. nope! once they got back, they told me I had to move out! i was extremely upset by this. honestly i was at my wits end with their bullshit, especially since A had continued to be an asshole to me even when i was still being kind and normal to her. honestly i am glad I had to move out, my life is going to get a lot better now that I don’t have them in it, but I was still just like. pissed because honestly my only objective this entire time has been to exist in my house and also I just felt like it was unfair especially considering the fact that they were the ones who were causing the issues, although I do recognize my part in them. i was codependent AF and trying to fix my friends, enabling horrible things to happen in my life to the point of going actually insane, i had extremely poor boundaries in the name of trying to be a good friend, and i should have left a long long time ago. but anyways, when they told me I had to move out, i basically said that I agreed and that I didn’t want to live with them anymore, i slammed my door and blocked them both on instagram, i also removed all of my personal belongings from the common areas. thankfully, my real friends were all there for me during this time and letting me crash on their couches. i didn’t really want to be in the apartment. within the next few days, i started getting harassed over text by their friends and unfollowed by people who were associated with them. they started going on a smear campaign against me! their friends started harassing me over text, saying “you need the mental hospital. stop pissing in glasses and stop speaking on trans people. seek the maximum amount of help possible” so basically, at this point, they’re basically telling people things that are blatantly untrue. i have never pissed in a glass before, in fact, i know B has pissed in cups in her room for her whole life (probably where she got the idea from) besides, pissing in cups isn’t a crime! also, at this point, i thought we had already talked out and worked through the me telling people about B’s BPD. so i messaged them and I was like. “can you guys please stop slandering me. this has been a traumatizing situation for all of us. honestly i would prefer for this to be as smooth as possible. i have not pissed in a glass and i have no idea what i even said about trans people that was offensive or hurtful” and they responded by saying “we have proof you were misgendering me and the shit we found out was before A’s relapse and before we had a fight”. so basically, while they were on vacation, they went LOOKING for things to use against me. A’s relapse was 8 months ago at this point, why are you digging stuff up from back then to use against me now?? i also have no idea when i misgendered her, and it was obviously a complete accident. i went through every message i sent in the past year that had anything to do with her and couldn’t find any misgendering. at this point, i did not inquire further because I was sick of having to defend myself to someone who is committed to misunderstanding me and also manipulating the situation to make me seem like a bad person. honestly, i don’t care much about the smear campaign, because most of those people i didn’t really like anyway, and the ones i did who believed them, i know now that they’re not my real friends. (even though it’s the same people saying that the way I was treated by A through her addiction was incredibly unfair to me, and asking why she is doing this to me. how dare I be actually affected?!) although the saying i’m transphobic thing is really frustrating, especially considering the fact that i literally invited you to come here SO THAT YOU COULD TRANSITION and the fact that I am also non binary. but also, how are you going to come into my home after I invited you to move in with me out of the kindness of my heart, start yelling at me and attacking me constantly and disrespecting my boundaries, kick me out of MY OWN HOUSE, and then smear my name, saying things that are blatantly untrue, to people i knew for years BEFORE YOU MOVED IN, who I INTRODUCED YOU TO ???? anyways, B went into my room while i was at work and took all of her artwork off my walls, which i don’t care about the artwork, but her going into my room made me really uncomfortable, so I installed a lock on my door until I could move out. B also ripped my mentor at the tattoo shop’s artwork off of the walls, stole it, and when i demanded it be returned it was returned to me vandalized. (she knows that my mentor wants the best for me and supports me in many areas of my life). so at this point, i’m being harassed and my items are being stolen. i had to get out of there asap, at this point it was a safety concern, it has honestly been a safety concern this entire time. so I ended up finding a place that’s the same amazing price and great quality in the area that’s still close to my jobs with people who are actually healthy and normal!!! and i moved out a month before I was supposed to because my mom and the rest of my support system agreed that it was not safe for me to stay another month, i didn’t tell them that I was moving early because I knew they would damage my things. It took me 2 days to move, and the night in between me moving, they stole my bike and put it out on the street. and A admitted that she did it out of spite because I moved early. so I stole some things back to get even and I also did not repaint or repair the room like I was supposed to, (i was going to originally before my bike was stolen) but I left her my deposit to cover the repainting etc. i also unfortunately dumped old protein shake on the floor out of pettiness and hatefulness. i am not normally like that but I was FUMING. that was definitely that angriest i have ever been in my life. i ended up paying the rent for the month I wasn’t there. But A still decided to message me on facebook, where I forgot to block her and send me an invoice with a bunch of “damages” to the apartment, demanding that I send her $1700 to get the entire floor replaced, new doors, etc. her numbers were ridiculous, it was a bunch of bullshit and I told her that i wasn’t paying it, to never contact me again, and blocked her. her parents pay her rent, it’s not about the money for her it’s about being a vindictive and entitled bully. plus, i really don’t owe her shit at this point. anyways, i have learned a lot of lessons from all this and am working on acknowledging my part in all of these issues and am going to start going to codependents anonymous to start rebuilding my life. obviously i have a lot to learn and work on within myself, and i was not perfect throughout this, even though my only intentions were to be there for my friends and exist in my own house. honestly i never want to see either of these people again! i hate them both so deeply for making my safe space unsafe, and for everything else they’ve done to me, including making my PTSD incredibly worse. and from now on I am going to leave friendships WHEN ITS TIME instead of dragging it out, and hopefully now I can choose better friends and have stronger boundaries, and in the future when tough situations arise i will be more equipped to respond in better ways. hopefully i never have to go through anything like this again!!

Today was one of those days.
A lot of frustrating things happened, and then some good things. But this situation I’m going to talk about is getting at me and I need a reality check.
My husband and I were sitting on two couches in our living room. They are separate couches that meet at a 90 degree angle with a table in between. Husband was sitting in a crouch position with his phone in right hand, leg resting against the arm of the couch.
I had my 18 month old crawling all over me and then climb over the arm rests going towards my husband. My husband did not lower his leg nor lower his phone. Toddler reached out and rolled down off my husband’s shin and tumbled to the floor narrowly missing the table. My husband moved forward, phone in hand, while I got up from my seat further away to pick up the crying toddler.
I hold toddler and check his head, he’s fine, but I look at my husband and he has an exasperated look on his face, shaking his head as he still does stuff on his phone. He does stuff on his phone for about 15 seconds until stopping and looking at me.
I say “You could have caught him.” Husband-“No I couldn’t, I couldn’t stop him from falling with my leg like earlier today.” I say “You could have lowered your leg and your phone to catch him.” Husband-“Oh so its my fault then. I’m not having this argument.” And then he shuts down going back onto his phone. I walk away with crying toddler to start bath time and now I’ve been pretty much ignoring my husband.
So now I’m sitting here, cooling off some, but I felt a wave of disinterest in my husband when he couldn’t take the criticism that his inaction caused our son to fall. And I’m going back into my memory of other times I brought up valid critique and when my husband would get defensive and then shut down the conversation.
So I ask you all this.
Is this something to not let go of?
The fact that he can be so done with parenting that it allows our toddler to get hurt?
That he becomes defensive against me and shuts down conversation?
I did not raise my voice at all and in fact kept it very flat so as to not make him feel as if I was attacking him. But his lack of ability to accept criticism is unattractive to me and I don’t want to have to rug sweep it.
What should I do?

Hi. This will be a decently long read, but I will put a TL;DR at the end. I just want to be able to give the most context I can, that way those of you with more experience and insight may offer some helpful advice.
I (25M) work retail, and I am the night manager for the biggest liquor store in my state (which is at-will employment). To give context for its size and the amount of foot traffic we see, my shift is comprised of 11-12 people when fully staffed. I have only officially held this role since around the middle of April, and up to that point had been co-managing for over a year with M, who was eventually fired for many reasons. I was in charge of the floor, and she was in charge of the registers.
We had, up until Saturday, a cashier (23F, who we will call A) who every Friday and/or Saturday would come to work complaining endlessly about not feeling well—eventually, M would snap and send her home, which is precisely what A wanted. Once M was gone, like clockwork A came in the first Friday that I was in charge complaining about being at work. I asked her if she was sick, and if so she could go home. She said she was sick and asked to go home at 10:00, to which I responded that if she is sick enough to go home then she should go immediately. I told her that she is not in charge of dictating her own schedule, and that the only two options were she could lose the entire day or work her shift. This put the issue to rest for awhile.
I had told her that if she wanted to go home early, she should be honest and direct with me—I don’t tolerate playing games like that. For the past couple of months, she has come in on Friday and/or Saturday in a foul mood, and because she still had not asked to go home, I never sent her home. The Friday before last, she went to use the restroom, and not five seconds after she entered our break room, the store phone rang. It was her best friend claiming that A’s sister had had a seizure, and since she was the only one left in her store she asked if A could leave early to go to the hospital. I said it was not her place to ask this and told her I could not spare anyone at the moment. A has had a history of being indirect or dishonest, but this flabbergasted me. I did not fire her or discipline her for this, nor did I bring it up to her. The fact that I did not let her go home, in my eyes, should have hammered home that I am not going to play these games.
Fast forward to yesterday—I wake up to a text from a cashier on day shift sending me a copy/pasted text from A that she was going to be two hours late after getting into a wreck leaving her cousin’s funeral. (Note: she is very close friends with several other employees, and not one of them had heard anything about this.) Apparently, A had also sent this message to another day shift cashier, but no one in management. I sent A a text saying that if she was going to be late, she needed to communicate that with me directly and that it is not anyone’s place to play the middleman in communication. She said that she had texted me but it didn’t go through, so she was getting ready to call me since I hadn’t responded. I did not reply to this. At 4:15, two hours and fifteen minutes after her shift was scheduled to start, I called her. It went to voicemail. I text her and ask if she is planning on showing up to work, to which, thirty minutes later, she responds that she had been taking a nap. I fired her immediately, stating that things clearly were not working out and that she could not communicate with me and had developed a habit of attempting to leave or not show up for work using dishonest methods.
The opinion amongst the employees is split fairly evenly, with some of them feeling that I was too harsh and others feeling like this should have been done long ago. I certainly did not want to fire her, nor do I hold anything against her. She seems to be a decent person and does quite well at her job, but I do not tolerate dishonesty. Especially once it becomes a pattern. I would like the input from those of you here who take the time to read this. I don’t regret my decision, nor do I feel like I made a mistake, however there may have been a more nuanced approach to this situation. Any input or advice that those of you who are more seasoned can offer will be greatly appreciated!
TL;DR: As a new manager, I fired an employee for habitually trying to leave or not come to work using indirect and dishonest communication methods. My employees are split evenly about whether I was too harsh, so I am asking for input from those with more experience. :)

I’m an INTP (53, M) who met an ESFP (44, F) online and we’ve had a great week of texting and calls, though it does seem to run a little hot and cold at times. I’m a PROLIFIC texter, and generally she keeps up but def prefers calls…which for us last a good 2-4 hours. She gets busy at times though and I won’t hear from her for 12 to even 24 hours, and then get a “sorry, kids were X and family was X,” which is totally cool…she has a very busy life with younger kids, this is early and we’re still feeling things out. Big gaps in communication are a first for me but I’ve just got to be patient.
We finally met Friday and best I can tell it went great. She texted me first after we parted (just a nice hug) and thanked me and said it was “awesome” to finally meet. Even though I’m INTP I seem to do very well in concentrated social situations, and don’t seem to struggle as much as my type might suggest. I think we had a great time.
The part that’s weirding me out though is our conversation doesn’t get very emotionally close. This is my 5th swing at an online relationship, and my first with an E. Conversations are fun and funny but there’s little romantic subtext. It’s feels super “friendly.” The other women I’ve “first dated” were far more warm and flirty.
I’m really quite taken with this person. I love that she’s in the moment and happy and joyful and I think she could really get me out of my head. I’d love to make it work and I’m motivated to just tell her I want to feel closer but I’m worried she just needs a slower pace. Any advice from the ESFP crowd?

AITA: Backstory: I had a rough relationship with my mother in middle/highschool and eventually ended up sleeping in parks, outside or any friends house in the surrounding area for as long as I could. Eventually I met my boyfriend and started going over to his house for the majority of the day and leaving as late as they’d allow me. Eventually they noticed something wasn’t right and allowed me to stay until 10pm almost every day. One Xmas eve my mother and I really got into it and she started choking me out to where my Necklace cut my neck. At this point I left not planning to return. I snuck over to my boyfriends and spent the night in the outdoor basement on a metal chair with the spider crickets and stray cats in the middle of winter. Their neighbor had a camera that caught me sneaking in and alerted my boyfriend’s parents that some “homeless person snuck into their basement.” at this point they let me stay there, and I slept on the couch, went to every family party for 6 years. His family started to feel like the only family I had.
I lived here for about four years. A lot of drama. His mother is some form of a narcissist alcoholic with no ability to ration or have a normal conversation. She made my life a living hell and everyone else in that house. She’d constantly tell him to grow some balls and get rid of me if he seemed upset and she assumed we were arguing. He was punished due to her resentment for me. She’d tell him to do something simple like the laundry and if he didn’t do it fast enough somehow it was my fault. She expected us to clean more than anybody else in the household and She expected me to clean up after everyone in the household. And I was still in my boyfriend was still reamed because I never did enough. When I started keeping tabs. I realized I did more than everyone combined. I kept videos and pictures and she was not happy about that.
She would scream loudly from downstairs telling him how I ruined him, how I have him by the balls and how much less of a man he is. That we’re just friends with benefits. If we ever have a kid, it’ll be an asshole. She wouldn’t let him drive me to see my father who is in hospice because we had to take her car and she said that he couldn’t use her car for anything related to me and then retracted that statement the next day and said she never said it.
She would talk crap about you loud enough to where she knows u can hear it but to ur face you are her favorite and she never say anything bad about you. It only got worse and worse and worse the longer it went on, and I couldn’t defend myself because if I challenged/ questioned anything, she thought/did/said I was threatened a bed and a roof. Their “generosity” was used against me in every way shape or form. Not to mention, I was mainly referred to as twat/twatface. Almost always called out of my name. This is was a very dehumanizing experience. I felt like a stray animal stuck. Obviously one will snap eventually, and when I did, I lost it.She was yelling at my Boyfriend to spontaneously fix something on her car she had never mentioned before because he started helping me do my oil. When he didn’t stop what he was doing immediately she started throwing out more tasks and yelling we do don’t do anything around the house. This started a fight between the two of them which somehow like always became about me. She had thrown out that I have “done enough” to her and now I started defending myself. I asked her what I do? I’m respectful even when I don’t deserve to be, I keep my mouth shut and I do what I’m told even when I’m being disrespected. She said she has been praying I disappeared since the day I started coming around and I out of a fit of rage told her to croak. I didn’t mean it, She shoved me around in the bathroom just prior so I was in fight or flight already. Especially being that this is already a traumatic environment for me and having come from a traumatic environment prior I wasn’t my healthiest most stable self.
She then preceded to “throw us out” and we had one day to pack and leave. Now the family I’ve spent the last 6 years with won’t speak to me and it’s very awkward.
Everyone says it’s best to not even bother with the situation and to forget about it but this is very much awkward uncomfortable and in a way traumatizing for me and me and my boyfriend have been together now almost 7 years and I’m very close with his family, I feel almost as if I’m reliving the abandonment from my own family and not one person believes she will accept any form of apology, nor would it do any one any favors. I have a huge letter written out for her that I was encouraged not to send so I’ll put it here for more context- I know its a bit rash but I’m very emotional - please let me know am I the asshole?
Letter to his mom:
I’ve had enough of u pretending like you didn’t do anything wrong. Boy do I have years worth of shit to say to you. I know this is probably pointless, you have mocked every single time I have tried opening up to you. But all of what I am about to say needed to be said years ago. I am sorry I said a terrible thing, it was out of anger I didn’t not mean it and I do not wish that upon anyone. it is not my character to pretend I didn’t say it. But The way you all treated me was disgusting. The way you treat your kids and your family is disgusting. You literally brag about not reaching out to your elderly parents. You complain whenever somebody in your family calls or texts you. But they get mad when nobody texts you or keeps u in the loop.
Tomina You have drained me. You have been terrible to me for the entire time I’ve known you. maybe not to my face but I’ve heard it all. I didn’t flip out and for no reason it was bound to happen sooner or later. I snapped. A person can only handle so much psychological abuse. I have done nothing to you except date your son and lose my home. I agreed with you even when u were dead wrong, I stayed away every other time you argued with cole, I walked away. I kept my cool even when I had my name thrown in the dirt for no reason other than your own resentment and hatred. And I know you must really hate me because you couldn’t even be bothered to come to my father’s funeral. And every time I tried to talk about it to you, you somehow made it about yourself.
What do u get from being angry all the time? You create a very hostile environment. You’ve made it so that I never felt comfortable to open my mouth about anything. If anyone in the house said anything that disagreed with you, especially if you are wrong. it’s a fight. That’s not healthy. The one time I ever spoke up to you was to deescalate a fight between you and cole because I thought scream fighting about nuts was unnecessary and I was told I had to move out. How nice! You cannot admit u are wrong ever
I’m sick and tired of every single argument you have with cole actually being about me. You yell at him for literally anything and everything except for the real reason you are mad. Me. You have dreaded my existence since I’ve been around. But we’re always too scared to say it to my face. You talk a lot of shit like you are bold but you are not tomina. I’ve heard you say some terrible things about me then smile in my face the next day. That’s not bold that is a coward. You do the same to your kids. You say some terrible things to them and then instead of apologizing as you should, you buy them a bag of chips the next day. Real mature parenting. Teaching your children apologies aren’t important. Don’t own up to what you say. I’ve literally heard you tell Billy to stop being nicer to me than his own kids all because he offered to pay for my fucking school pictures because no one in my family would. How is that being nicer to me than his kids? That to me sounds a whole lot like jealousy. What are you really mad about? Me!
I feel like you and Billy forget why I ended up there. I genuinely feel like you think I wanted to sleep in the basement with the spiders in the middle of winter. You pretend to care about me. you pretend to understand the situation, but I genuinely do not think you knew the extent of what I went through with my mother. You bitched at me for months telling me to be nice to her then I’d start trying to be nice to her and you use it against me. Mocked me for it. Still do. You may not strangle your kids by the throat like my mother but you do your own damage by calling your child names mid argument like you are the child. You throw tantrums because you don’t get what u want. Who’s the adult? Why can’t you act like one? I can’t imagine how you spoke to them as children.
You were never nice to me not even good at faking it. Every day I lost more and more respect for you hearing the way you spoke to and tried to control your children and me included. It’s honestly about time you got the same treatment. You are genuinely not a nice person. i just finally have the balls to say it.
You will most likely never have a good relationship with ur kids as adults If u don’t realize how you treat people will reflect on how u get treated. You’ll haven’t even even harder time finding someone who’s gonna kindly take care of you. It would probably of helped out in your marriage too. Maybe then you wouldn’t be blaming that on ur kids too when ur mood and how u act is all your fault.
The way you act pushes people away. This will get you nowhere in life with people if you haven’t already noticed. Especially your kids. You act like you know everything and that your better than everyone when really your a very anxious, sad depressed individual who has no friends no social life no hobbies, skills or talents and a failing marriage all of which you literally blame on ur kids-that is psychological abuse btw. Speaking of psychological abuse….
It’s not normal to feel that you cant go to the bathroom in the place that you live. It’s not normal to feel that you can’t eat or make food in the place that you live. It’s not normal to walk on eggshells to avoid shifting your mood one way or the other. This is the environment you create. You are an abusive person. That is the definition of abuse in multiple forms. You may not have ever said u can’t use the bathroom, but nobody wants to do anything to set you off in any way so if Me going to the bathroom or making food it’s gonna cause you to huff and puff and throw a fit. I’ll just hold it til everyone’s asleep. Same thing happened with cleaning. I used to clean all the time when I first moved in. but you started complaining that you couldn’t find anything. You wouldn’t say it to me, but I hear you yelling downstairs that you can’t ever find nothing so I stopped. With the amount of hoarded junk in the house it is impossible to actually get anything clean. You literally told us to just clean around boxes of junk on the floor. You wonder why there’s mice and ants when ur headboard in ur bedroom is covered in food, food gets left out overnight, and ur bathtub is full of boxes. That’s disgusting. Good luck with the house checks doing that.
Did you know there are studies that prove that getting yelled at can literally lead to physical health issues like cardiovascular diseases? You can literally weaken somebody’s heart and immune system by screaming at them nonstop. If you’re genuinely worried about your husband’s health. You should work on yourself there. Maybe he’d want to be home more.
FYI It’s not your child’s job to talk to you because you don’t have friends. It’s not your child’s job to clean every square inch of the house after you because you didn’t clean up after yourself before you went to bed the night before. You put that on them like it’s completely their responsibility. 90% of the messes cole and I clean were everybody elses mess. I can understand wanting to help out, clean up after yourself but you expected us to do literally everything and u expected no one else to clean up after themselves. I kept track for over a month of what Cole did what I did what you did and what Bailey did in a day. I’ll show you that if you’d like. It’s actually crazy how much we “didn’t do” Since all but one person in the house works, Why is it that some people are required to do more than others? Why is it that some get to do less but they do enough?
I’ll tell you why Because you resent me so nothing I do is enough. Cole just gets punished by association
Btw Letting a toddler have free roam of the house while you sleep in the middle of the night isn’t great parenting. Best believe if I ever have a child that is related to you it will never be there alone like that with you. And u continue to act the way u do I promise you it will never be. You’re the one who said that if me and Cole have a kid he’s gonna be an asshole. Good thing you won’t have to meet it. See how there is consequences for what you do and how u treat people!
I have said this to you before. I speak up when I believe things are wrong and you have kept my mouth shut for about four years too long because I wasn’t allowed to have a say. if I spoke at all, cole had to hear it, I was threatened a place to sleep. I was told to go live with my mom. If living with my mom was as easy and simple as you guys make it out to be. I never would’ve lived there in the first place. I never wanted to live at ur house. Me and Coles relationship struggled for years due to it. I didn’t enjoy a single moment. I didn’t feel safe I didn’t feel welcome and I never felt cared about. I’ve been through more than I could handle in the past seven years, you have put me through more than enough, You have put Cole through more than enough.
Btw If you want to continue to go around telling ur whole family how much of a bitch I am, I’ll gladly show them my side of the story. Your actions have consequences and you can’t just go around talking crap about everybody because it makes you feel better. I will clear my name if I have to. I play petty games too.
I have hundreds of videos of the way you speak nasty to everyone in the house over small things like garbage. I have a video of you telling Cole he can’t use the car for anything related to me the day before we were going to go see my dying dad then immediately retracted your statement the day after because of how fucked up it is was. You literally tried to keep me from seeing my dying father because you were mad that he was going.
I’ve recorded almost every argument you’ve had with cole. Every literal pigsty that I had to clean up that everyone decided to go to bed and leave for the next day. So please try and tell me I’m wrong I will prove myself to whoever the hell i need to.
You love telling your side of the story , but you never tell the whole story. Or anywhere near the truth of the situation. You never mention how you act, or what you say that caused the situation to happen how it did. You had no reason to speak to me the way you did to begin with.
I have been nothing but respectful and grateful to you. I’ve been nothing but patient and given what u have put me through I have been exceptionally forgiving. I am no longer keeping my mouth shut with you. I will say what I need to say. You no longer have that control. I really don’t care what you think of me. You don’t think nicely of anyone. You hated every single one of coles friends until now. I have nothing but love for you Billy Bailey and everyone in Cole’s family but I will not however continue to be abused, taken advantage of, and controlled by people who anrent even related to me. You already drove your kids away. You barely see one grandkid. Why would you wanna make it so that you never see another? I’m not one to play childish games with grown people, and I do not respect mean girls that shit talk like they are in highschool that are well over 20 years of age.
Me and cole are very happy. So you are going to have to grow up let go and accept that. If you don’t that is u and Cole’s relationship that suffers. Not ours. If you can’t be friendly you will 100% get what you give. That’s life.

Throwaway account for this, I am going to try to summarize everything briefly while providing as much context as possible.
So seven years ago, we got a family dog, purchased by my mom. We all lived at home and took care of him, my mom paid vet bills and i would pay for miscellaneous things like dog food, nail cutting, etc. Fast forward to 2020, it is just my mom, sister, brother in law and me at home with my dog, and the care is split evenly with no issue. My sister and I have always fought, but it got to the point where living with her was taking a toll on my mental health (she criticizes everything i say and do and i would often overhear her badmouthing me in her room to other people), so i moved out a year ago to be free from the stress of being around her. I tried to find an apartment to bring my dog along with me, but the only one i could afford did not allow dogs. Since the apartment was only 15 minutes away from my moms house, i would come to my moms house 2-3 times a week to work and spend time with my dog so i did not have to be apart from him for too long. During this time while i was moved out, my sister and brother in law primarily took care of the dog and paid vet bills. This past March, my sister and brother in law moved out into their own house and took our dog with them. I moved back home in April, thinking my dog would still be living there. I went weeks without seeing my dog (my sister did not answer her phone), and on april 14th (the last time i saw my dog) i asked her if we could work something out where i pick up my dog once a week or so and he stays with me while i work from home so i can spend time with him. She said no, the dog lives with her now. Over the next few weeks i called and texted her asking if i could come see my dog, and she never responded. I was growing frustrated because i really missed my dog and i just wanted to see him, and it didnt make sense to me that he had to be alone every day while my sister and brother in law were working, instead of being with me since i work from home. I am fine with my dog living with them, i just want to be able to spend time with him and see him. After chasing my sister for weeks with no response, i grew angry and sent a heated message accusing her of being selfish for not letting me see our dog. I know it wasnt the best thing to do but i was so angry at her ignoring me and not letting me see my dog. After this, her and my brother in law blocked me on everything after that. This was early May, and since then i have begged my parents and my other sister to please help me so i can see my dog. My dad lives in a different country so theres not much he can do, but when he called my sister to talk to her about it she hung up on him and they didnt speak for weeks. My mom went over her house to grab my dog, and my sister slammed the door in her face. My other sister has also tried talking to her but she is 8 months pregnant and works night shifts as a nurse so i know shes exhausted all of the time and cant help much.
Being separated from my dog has taken a serious toll on me, every time i see a photo of him come up on my phone i get upset and it hurts me to think of him being alone for 9 hours every day when instead he could be with me while i work from home. I have been crying and distressed on a daily basis over this. I feel as if the only person who can help me at this point is my mom, but she no longer wants to be involved. She works two jobs and is tired most of the time, and i feel horrible involving her in this but my sister blocked me and i dont know how else ill be able to see my dog. My mom and I just got into an argument because she said i am stressing her out and i feel guilty for stressing her out, but i genuinely do not know what else to do to be able to see my dog. Since my mom purchased my dog years ago, i believe she has the jurisdiction which is why i hoped she would help. AITA for involving my mom in trying to get my dog back?
TLDR: my sister and i are in a dispute and she has not been letting me see our family dog after she took him, AITA for involving my mom in this?

30[M] hopeless romantic with really bad ADHD here. Finally putting myself out there, but it feels like I'm doing things wrong. Quite honestly, love feels too intense for me. Thing is, as shallow as it sounds, I just want to make whoever my partner will be happy, and even with the grandest gestures, a smile is enough to tug at my heartstrings. I feel like my view on romance is too pure, too coated in naiveté, but although I know that relationships are very heavily nuanced, it's hard to logic my way out of emotions. I still believe in forming real connections, and I can't even bring myself to just get to know multiple people at a time. I lock in to one and everyone else becomes an afterthought.
So she's cool, artsy person with an air of je ne sais quoi about her. We talk a lot, and every time I get her to talk, she just keeps going and going which I really find attractive, she has really beautiful eyes too. Knew her for a bit before asking her out, though I can't help but think that I might have put her on the spot, even though I trust her words cause she's pretty direct with things, but here's the gist of it (I'll put the thoughts running in my head in parentheses, to make a clearer picture):

1. Asked if she'd be down to hang out some time and she said sure, also asked for her number and exchanged a few messages with her when I got home (maybe she was just being nice? Hmmmmm...)
   
2. Asked her two days later if she was available on the weekend, which she seemed to have given it some though before telling me she has to check (was she pretending, or was just trying to be nice? Did I put her on the spot? Maybe I should apologize...or matbe she actually was seriously thinking about it...but was she though? No she probably was just caught off guard...)
   
3. Waited a few more days to give her time to think, then asked if she was free, to which she responded that she wasn't. My overthinking was just eating me up that I asked if she was uncomfortable with me asking her out, or if I put her on the spot, to which she said no, and it was fine. I asked maybe next time, and she just explained to me how weekends were her time to catch up to hobbies and projects she had and she rarely leaves her place on weekends, but she did say that maybe if I catch her at a good time, then sure. (I swear, she's putting me down very gently...or she's hesitant. I don't get it. Does she hate me? Does she like me? Is she just dancing around the topic? Or is it just her meaning it exactly as she says? Should I back off? Persist? Give time?)
   
4. Sent her a good morning text and got no reply, which really, I wasn't expecting her to anyway. (But really, why? I know it's just a generic text but does that mean she isn't interested, or is she annoyed at this point? Or should I send a follow up text asking a random question or baiting a reaction? Aaaaaaaa)
   
5. Honestly, I think I'll give it time and keep interacting like normal. Maybe in 2 weeks I'll send her a spontaneous lunch or dinner invite, or maybe I'll ask if she has some errands to run, or maybe I could ask if I she'd like it if I brought her some coffee or a snack while she's working on her projects at home (though I feel like that last one might be going too far). Is it too much to ask her if it's okay for me to get to know her better, even if little by little? I'm at my wits end already, and my own downfall might just be myself.
   

Key notes: - I feel like I'm overthinking my interactions with her. I used to just approach her frequently before all this, now I'm thinking I might look like either I'm avoiding her if I space out my interactions with her, or I might be too clingy if I greet her everyday. - I know she knows my intent of asking her out, I feel like that one's obvious, but now I can't help but overthink that she might be weirded out by me. - we still talk like normal, and she still goes off when I ask her about her hobbies, though...she might just be good at hiding how she truly feels about the situation? 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 - I refuse to acknowledge to myself that I like her, just interested. I'm limiting myself just so I don't fall into the same spiral I always get caught up in.
God, I sound like a high schooler falling in love for the first time.

My partner and I Air BNB our family cabin, it’s in a remote location and we maintain it ourselves. The cabin itself is small, but it sleeps 4, plus we have some floor mattresses.
There is a tiny Bonus cabin outside that also sleeps four. Therefore the max amount of guests we allow at the same time is 8. After the 4th guest we charge an extra 50 dollars per guest. The price is 175 per night plus 75 dollar cleaning fee. We are pet friendly for smaller to medium pets too.
There is a pool, hot tub, complimentary farm fresh eggs from our neighbor up the street. It’s a really great deal, we only ask two things of our guests,1. NO PARTIES, meaning only your guests are allowed. We got burned when we first opened and a group invited a ton of friends, they trashed the place. That was over a year ago tho and our new rules have worked well. 2. Take your trash out and put it in the bins outside of the house. This is because of mice. The cabin is on a farm.
Since those people a year and a half ago, things have been good. But this weekend I got burned. The guy asks me if they can invite some of their friends and I thought I was safe because he asked. I told him no, he can add 3 more people to the listing and it will be 50 bucks more a person tho. He texts back and says never mind, his friends will stay at a nearby hotel.
We have a camera on the driveway and I normally don’t check it unless something happens so I was just going about my weekend. Well, my husband just went to the farm and it’s a mess and smells like pot and cigarette smoke because they left all their trash in there and there’s tons of it.
So I checked the camera and there were like 7 cars, even parked in the yard ! I couldn’t see how many people got out of them, and they never came out of the house almost the whole weekend. Judging by the amount of trash I’d say there were at least 12 people. There were several empty beer case packages. They also left beer in our fridge which would be cool ordinarily, but it was miller light haha. The trash bags are filled with liquor bottles and cigarettes and here’s the weird thing…
It seems they only used two beds haha. They rearranged the furniture and broke our karaoke machine too. I’m so angry because I feel like we provide a lot for the price. There’s even a fire pit for guests that we provide firewood for. It’s also on 70 acres of land that we cut trails for guests to explore.
Most guests come for the atmosphere and ambiance, not to get wasted in the house. Anyway, what would you do ? I’m obvs going to leave a 3 star review but is there anyway to recoup for extra guests ?

I’m planning on following candidates during the election season and I need to sign up for a number of campaign texts/questionable social media accounts and I don’t want to have these associated with my actual phone number. I know you can get a Google phone number but I don’t want these forwarded to my real phone, rather I’d like to use my old phone with wifi that just absorbs this garbage without involving my real number. Anyway to do that?

He was my closest friend, I told him my darkest thoughts and so did he, we trusted each other so much. It was until a few weeks ago, we had a dumbass debate on cars. Basically saying which cars are cool or smth. And he got annoyed and said "I'm done w this." and ignored me after that. I texted him so many times. He removed me as a follower on all of my accounts. Blocked my number. And left me on seen on all of my messages.
I know I did nothing wrong. He just said "it's draining all the tiny arguments" which they aren't even arguments, they're just us stating stuff we like and don't like. I only found out his reasoning cause his best friend asked him for me. And well, I'm gonna lose it I know. I have that same painful feeling in my chest that I had when my ex-fp left me in September.
It's got me so fucked up. Why did he do this? I feel like it's all my god damn fault even though it's not. I feel like I'm just draining in general and ruin everything.
Everything is just falling apart around me lately and I can't stop it. I'm lucky I'm staying with my boyfriend for a few weeks because his presence just helps keep my shit together. He's all I have anymore really.
I'm so tired.

I've never really liked greatswords all that much. To me they always felt like like someone tried to make a compromise between the speed and versatility of straight swords and the power and stagger of ultra greatswords and created something that does neither. That's not to say they're bad, they're just not something I go out of my way to use. Which is why I went out of my way to use only them for an entire run.
While my newfound experience did give me some fresh appreciation for a few standout individuals, my impression of the class as a whole stays pretty much unchanged. If I want a reasonably sized, fast weapon then there's no shortage of straight, curved, weeb, and thrusting swords. And if I want a really big sword then I may as well turn that dial all the way up. Greatswords do however have one thing they do better than anything else: running attacks. Seriously, the standard greatsword running attack is amazing. The combination of stagger, forward momentum, and almost 360 degree coverage mean that it's a great way to deal with crowds, especially when you can use Yearn to make them cluster up where you want. There were times I intentionally aggroed a bunch of weak enemies just so I could go bowling.
There are 23 greatswords in total and they're just about the most obnoxious weapons to collect and upgrade, especially since so many of them are boss weapons, rare drops, or even covenant rewards.
Bastard Sword
The standard greatsword. It chops. And it hacks. And sometimes it slashes. And that's pretty much it. Still, it's got low stamina costs (for a greatsword) and it comes with 20% counter damage so it balances out as the strongest greatsword on average for most of the game without some serious sequence breaking.
Flamberge
There's actually broadly two classes of greatsword. One group has the wide slashy/choppy moveset like the Bastard Sword, and the other has the twirly/stabby moveset like the Flamberge. I do not particularly care for the two handed moveset of the twirly ones. The attacks are more diagonal than horizontal so it's worse at crowd control, and I just don't like the way it stops dead between each attack. I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure the point of flourishing a two handed sword like that is preserving momentum to make the next attack require less effort. Now the one handed moveset is where it's at. You get back the wide swings on your light attacks and the heavy attacks are both a little bit faster than the chopping greatswords and lead with a strong thrust. Anyway, talking about the Flamberge specifically. It's not great. It's particularly long and fairly light, but it's close to the bottom of the list in terms of damage and only has bleed to make up for it. I really wish bleed didn't suck.
Claymore
Compared to the Bastard Sword, this gets a bit higher AR and reach at the cost of lower counter damage and higher stamina cost. But the biggest draw is definitely the semi-unique moveset. It gets a poke/slash combo on its strong attacks when both one and two handed, and you know me I'm not going to pass up a good 2 hand stab strong attack. There's just too many situations where it's too useful. I'll take a minor hit to DPS if it means having better utility.
Royal Greatsword
Same moveset and gimmick as the Flamberge but it trades some reach for more Strength scaling and a little bit less stamina cost. I really wish bleed didn't suck.
Old Knight Greatsword
Bastard Sword moveset with higher scaling but twice the weight, half the durability and absolutely no counter damage. And one more thing: 50 poise damage. That's the sort of stagger you'd see on an ultra greatsword. Sadly you can't pancake or golf swing with this, but it does stagger extremely consistently. Every time I got fed up with an NPC invader's inconsistent hyper armor and inescapable stunlocks (Forlorn and Maldron I'm looking at you), I'd equip this and some Old Knight armor to pull an Uno Reverse. The only one it didn't work on was Quicksword Rachel and that's only because she had the same idea.
Mastodon Greatsword
Like the Old Knight, this one focuses on high AR and weight at the cost of counter damage, but this one is even heavier and stronger with actually good durability. You'd think that would make it a direct upgrade, but I barely used this one at all. I'd rather use the Old Knight Greatsword for NPC busting even with the lower durability and damage simply because it's a bit lighter, and I don't really want to use either of them for anything else. At the weight tier they're in, they're in competition with the lighter ultra greatswords, and they just plain lose to those in damage output and reach.
Drangleic Sword
The baseline of performance for twirly greatswords. It outperforms quite a lot of them simply by not having a gimmick or split damage holding it back. But it also has high requirements and needs twinkling titanite to upgrade despite having no unique features, so it's not all that popular of a pick. It's fine. And that's fine.
Mirrah Greatsword
Performs as something of a side-grade to the Claymore. It's got the same semi-unique thrusting heavy attacks but the two handed light attacks are twirly. Lower base damage but higher scaling means it performs about the same in a physical build but is worse to infuse. Seeing as the Claymore is easier to get, you should probably only use this for fashion reasons.
Old Mirrah Greatsword
So funny story. This dropped for me the very first time I ever killed Aslatiel in my first run. It was such a poignant and tragic epilogue to Lucatiel's quest that I had just finished that I was surprised when I learned it's a rare drop and not guaranteed. Anyway this weapon sucks. Less damage and durability than the normal one with absolutely no other differences.
Moonlight Greatsword
This has a lot going for it and a lot working against it. First the positives: it deals pure elemental Magic damage with the highest Int scaling for a melee weapon, it has a special beam attack on its strong attacks that deals very high damage if both the blade and the beam connect, it's the longest greatsword while staying at the lower end of weight, and it just looks really good. Downsides: Magic resistance can fluctuate wildly from enemy to enemy making the damage output inconsistent at times, most of the special attack damage comes from the beam which is subject to DLC spell resistance, it can't be buffed, and the two handed light attacks are the Greatsword slams which are not nearly as impressive on a shorter and weaker weapon. (Though those slams did make it my most reliable lizard killer). So, to get the most out of it you want to only use it one handed (not too bad), you have to know which enemies are Magic resistant and have something else to switch to (tedious, but not too bad), and you can't use the weapon's most iconic feature against the hardest bosses (ouch). Don't get me wrong, it can be really, REALLY good in the right situations, but the rest of the time it ranges from only ok to actively bad. Oh and you have the option to infuse it with Enchanted and convert all of its damage into pure physical while keeping decent Int scaling. Upside is you aren't subject to elemental resistance and you can benefit from RoB and Flynn, downside is the sword beams deal 0 damage making the strong attacks useless.
Bluemoon Greatsword
You know, it's kind of funny that the fake Moonlight Greatsword that's literally made out of glass is more consistently strong than the real one. I wonder if that's an intentional commentary. Anyway the extremely high base damage means this is a very powerful greatsword with a Raw or elemental infusion at bargain bin stat investment, but with two very relevant downsides. Low durability and high weight. Durability can be mitigated with the Bracing Knuckle Ring and Repair spell. Weight again puts it into the same weight class as ultra greatswords, but this time it can actually hold its own in damage output. With some careful play and a bit of murder, this can be a very powerful weapon from the very start of the game to the very end.
Black Knight Greatsword
Ah, the Black Knight weapons. Poster children for the phrase "AR does not equal damage output." Since they scale with basically everything, if you're leveling up everything (like I was) the Black Knight weapons end up with the highest AR in their classes. Problem is that damage is split between the worst physical and worst elemental damage types so they consistently fail to live up to that potential. Just to be clear, I'm not actually saying they're bad. In fact, the greatsword still had above average damage output even with those drawbacks. But without a unique moveset and with high stamina costs I found myself avoiding it even against enemies that were weak to fire.
Thorned Greatsword
It's fine, and that's it. Just... fine. Good enough. Performs all required duties adequately. It's decently effective, the special attack is decently powerful, and it's moveset is decent enough. It's just heavily overshadowed by other options that work better. For instance: the next greatsword down the list.
Defender Greatsword
Like with most things Faith related, this wants full commitment in order to work. It's got the highest Faith scaling of any melee weapon and the self-buff gets even better when it's infused with lightning. Speaking of the self buff, that's the main draw of the weapon. You can get over 200 extra AR with it active, and it's melee damage so DLC resistance doesn't matter. It only lasts 45 seconds, but for those 45 it's one of the strongest weapons in the game. Seriously, I was doing 1100 damage per R2 against Nashandra. Yeah it costs durability to activate, but the Bracing Knuckle Ring or a stockpile of Repair Powder can deal with that and you really can't argue with the results.
Watcher Greatsword
This one is similar but different in some weird ways. It's the only weapon in the game where a matching infusion doesn't improve the damage of the buff. In fact, despite having natural Magic damage, the best infusion is Lightning. With that setup, it's just about on par with the Defender in damage output. Sure it's mostly Magic damage which isn't usually as good a damage type, but plenty of tough enemies are weak to it and the Int requirement means you have access to the Repair spell for extra free activations.
Ruler's Sword
Of all the weapons that have secondary scaling, I think this one works the best. Part of that is that it scales with held souls up to 1 million, which is more interesting than the others. There's the initial difficulty of amassing that many souls in the first place (not that hard with the Giant Lord), and the added tension of walking around with that many souls in your pocket. Sure you can have this powerful weapon, but you'd better not die. (Of course there's always the Ring of Life Protection if you want to be a wuss about it.) The real reason it works better though is it's the only one that actually gives you bonus scaling instead capping at base. And the great thing is that for whatever reason, that bonus applies to the Ring of Blades and Sacred Oath too (though not Flynn's Ring). For this reason I think it works best uninfused with a Strength/Faith build. Even at its best it's still well under the three strongest options, but it's comfortably above average in performance and doesn't require durability management or any particular skill with timing counter strikes. But you'd better not die.
Black Dragon Greatsword
I kind of hate this weapon. Not because it's bad, in fact it's pretty good. But after all the effort it took to get it, it should have been the best weapon in the game. And it very much isn't. No scaling or counter damage aren't automatic turn offs, but it has lower base damage than the Bluemoon Greatsword and the lower weight and extra durability don't really make up for it. Yeah it's fine or whatever, but it's not worth the grind.
Key to the Embedded
This has the lowest AR of any greatsword but the highest counter damage. This means that its performance depends entirely on how good you are at timing counter attacks. It behaves less like a greatsword and more like a katana if we're being honest, but it's a katana with better reach, a moveset I like better, and that you don't have to upgrade so it gets a pass in my book. And it looks cool to boot.
Majestic Greatsword
How far can Rule of Cool carry a weapon? Pretty damn far. Like, the base damage is decent enough, but the requirements are ridiculous and it can't be buffed at all. But no one cares because it lets you do so much cool shit. The draw of the weapon is 100% the unique moveset so let's talk about those. First the spin attack. The damage is great if both hits connect and you've got 360 degree coverage, but the real advantage is the knockdown. Having a pancake on a medium sized weapon should never be underestimated. The front flip jump attack is basically just a normal jump attack, but being able to activate it with a single button press makes it much better. It was my go-to lizard stomper until ascetics made their HP pools too big. And of course there's the power stance flip. It's actually pretty hard to get full damage out of since it has such high stamina costs and tends to knock things down, but it knocks things down so who cares. If you do it right, you can even flip straight over attacks just to style on your enemy. All in all: a very fun weapon to build around.
Drakeblood Greatsword
Most greatswords feel like someone wrote "straight sword" with caps lock on. Drakeblood is what you get if you take a Rapier and do the same thing. If you can hit your counter strikes this is the strongest greatsword in the game. Full stop. Without counters it's only mediocre, but there's a reason this was the speedrun meta for a while (and they only stopped because sidetracking for dragon bones took too long). There's two build routes you can take with this. Leave it uninfused (Dex to soft cap not required though it does help) and buff with gold pine resin. Or you can Magic infuse and buff with Great Magic Weapon (yes Great and not Crystal). Both are about as strong as the other so which you go for depends on personal taste or what you want to fight. Or if you want to do something dumb you can infuse it with Fire, buff it with Dark Weapon, and deal 5 way split damage (don't do this).
Loyce Greatsword
This is tied for the highest Dex scaling of any weapon, but as usual it has low base damage which means that even with high Dex it doesn't climb above the middle of the pack in damage. Which means that the main reason to use this (aside from the sick visual design) is the unique moveset. When one handed it behaves like a normal greatsword, but when you two hand it your stance changes to a straight sword grip. The two handed light attacks are a little different than normal but not really in a way that makes a practical difference. Really we're just here for the strong attack. Longsword stab on an even longer sword? Yes please. So why not just use a Claymore if that's what you're after? 1. it looks better 2. it has lower stamina costs and 3. bragging rights.
Charred Loyce Greatsword
I can't use this weapon without thinking "man, the temper on this sword is fucked." I also think "man, the damage on this sword isn't great." Once again slash/fire split damage doesn't do it any favors, and unlike its pristine version it has a completely normal strong attack (still has the different light attacks though). It's not necessarily a bad weapon, but you'd kind of expect something better from something you get as a rare drop from the final boss fight of the last DLC.
Greatsword of the Forlorn
Remember what I said about secondary scaling back with the Ruler's Sword? Well this is a good example. Your reward for sacrificing half your health bar (or a quarter of your health and a ring slot) is a weapon that's mediocre at best. For PVE at least. For PVP it's actually pretty good. See, if you enter the arena while hollow (or use a Dragon Eye or a couple other PVP options) you'll get your full human health back without losing hollow status. This means that you can use it at full power without any downside at all. And in PVP bleed is actually a genuine threat, and this inflicts quite a lot of it without compromising on actual real damage. Everywhere else, no. Just no.

My name is Alexander, hello. Hi. You should totally message me. Here’s why:
I will play video games with you, watch anime (or not, we could also just watch your favorite show), talk to you for hours about anything and everything, voice chat or via text, with open ears whenever you want to talk shit about your coworkers or really anybody in your life, and debate what the best type of apple is with you (it’s green apples, fight me).
If you’re interested in getting to know each other on a deeper level and are open to potentially growing something where we talk regularly, especially when the days are getting a little too lonely and monotonous, I’m your guy. If you’re a bit of a dork, you’re in great company with me. If not, feel free to make fun of me for my own dorkiness instead. I don’t care where you live, but you should tell me all about your favorite spots.
So about earlier. You should totally message me. I look forward to it :)

My name is Alexander, hello. Hi. You should totally message me. Here’s why:
I will play video games with you, watch anime (or not, we could also just watch your favorite show), talk to you for hours about anything and everything, voice chat or via text, with open ears whenever you want to talk shit about your coworkers or really anybody in your life, and debate what the best type of apple is with you (it’s green apples, fight me).
If you’re interested in getting to know each other on a deeper level and are open to potentially growing something where we talk regularly, especially when the days are getting a little too lonely and monotonous, I’m your guy. If you’re a bit of a dork, you’re in great company with me. If not, feel free to make fun of me for my own dorkiness instead. I don’t care where you live, but you should tell me all about your favorite spots.
So about earlier. You should totally message me. I look forward to it :)

Hey there!
I’m looking for someone I can talk to consistently over time. With the possibility of leading to something more. Nothing too serious on a day to day basis. No need to text all day/night, I understand that we all have busy lives. I’m super low maintenance. But I do like effort in the friendship. It def does take two to make a friendship work. And if you’re local, I’d love the opportunity to meet up if we get to that point.
If you're comfortable with it, let's share some pics when you reach out. I like to know who it is I’m actually talking to. Also, for now, let's keep things strictly platonic to start. I’m not good at hopping right into anything more than at right off the bat. But obviously I'm open to the possibility down the road if we connect on that level
A bit about me: - I'm Tuan, a 34-year-old (as of tomorrow 🎂🥳) Black male from Illinois, standing tall at 6'4" with a bigger build, in case that matters to you.

• I'm quite the introvert, favoring deep, thought-provoking conversations over small talk and enjoying more intimate relationships over large groups. Also with time I tend to open up more and more.
  
• My interests include bowling, cooking (and eating), video games, and home workouts. I'm also a fan of mechanical puzzles like Rubik's cubes and lock boxes. I have a bit of a collection so far.
  
• I work in IT. Taking some classes here and there, also. So part time student.
  

What I’m looking for: - Someone with somewhat of a sense of humor.

• Someone who is open/honest about their intentions and feelings
  
• Open to voice calls when we are comfortable
  
• Wants to be my friend. lol!!
  

If any of this resonates with you, please don't hesitate to reach out, I’m fairly responsive. Looking forward to meeting you! :)