I've always been bound to death.
On my eighth birthday, a shadow strode into my house and shot me and my family dead. I remember it vividly, every detail, every angle, etched and stained and carved into my memory.
I sat very still with my knees to my chest, my gaze glued to my siblings.
Lily and PJ looked like they were sleeping, and I could almost believe it.
I didn't look at the shadow.
From the comfort of my knees, I waited for my brother to lift his head.
But his body was so limp, so still, every part of him faltering. My sister’s head was nestled in his shoulder, thick beads of red running down her face.
They're just sleeping.
I could tell myself they were— as long as I didn't look at the splatter of scarlet staining the back of the couch and pooling at their feet.
BANG.
Mom’s body dropped onto the ground.
I lunged forwards, slamming my hands over my ears.
BANG.
PJ’s head slumped forwards, a teasing smile still frozen on his lips.
BANG.
Lily gently tipped into PJ, like she was going to sleep.
Before she closed her eyes, Mom told me to run.
I can't remember how long I stayed under the shattered remnants of Mom’s favorite table. The shadow was waiting for me to move, to make a noise.
I watched booted feet crunch through glass, getting closer and closer, and slowly, fight or flight began to take over.
Making it halfway across the living room, my palms slick with my mother’s blood, I thought I was going to live.
Cruel fingers wound their way through my hair and shoved me to my knees. I remember the phantom legs of a spider creeping down the back of my neck when the shadow with no face dragged the barrel of his gun down my spine.
“Turn around.”
The shadow had a voice.
When I didn't move, the protruding metal stabbed into my neck.
“Turn around, kid!”
I did, very slowly.
Behind him, my siblings still weren't moving.
They were asleep.
Lily was still smiling, strawberry blonde ringlets stained red.
I couldn't see PJ’S face anymore.
BANG.
I didn't feel the gunshot.
I didn't feel anything.
Looking down, I glimpsed slowly spreading red blossoming like a flower.
It felt like being cut from strings.
I hit the ground, just like my mother, my body felt heavy and wrong.
Paralysed.
I remember being unable to scream, unable to cry, the salty taste of metal filling my mouth. It was like being winded. Rolling onto my side, all I could see was flickering candlelight.
The air was thick, so hard to breathe.
I rolled onto my back trying to suck in air.
The shadow took a step back, opened the front door, and bled into the night.
I don't remember the pain, and I don't remember dying. I couldn't breathe, couldn't conjure words in my mouth.
I felt warm and sticky, lying in my own blood.
I think I tried to move.
But I was so tired.
I’m not sure what death feels like, because it's like going to sleep.
I remember my last shuddering breaths, a lulling darkness beginning to swallow me up. I don't know why I wasn't afraid.
Oblivion almost felt like I was sinking into lukewarm depths on a Summer’s day.
Oblivion wasn't pain, and there was a peaceful inevitability to it.
It was endless nothing, a nothing I found myself gravitating towards. But before I could envelope myself in that darkness, it was spitting me back out.
The next thing I knew, I was in a white room, a slow beeping sound tearing me from slumber. I had a vague memory of slow spreading roses blossoming across my shirt, like summer flowers blooming.
Everything was white.
The walls, the ceiling, and my clothes.
Sensation hit me in slow waves.
Exhaustion.
I felt it tightening its grip around my brain, dragging me back onto a mountain of pillows when I tried to jump up. My Aunt May was sitting next to me on a plastic chair, her warm fingers entangled in mine. Aunt May and Mom were practically twins, with the same thick red hair and pale skin.
Mom wore her hair in a casual ponytail, while May preferred a strict bun.
I had to bite back the urge to yank my hand away.
Aunt May was asleep, used tissues filling her lap.
There was a nurse pottering around, checking my vitals and prodding my arms. My eyes felt heavy. I had to blink several times to keep myself awake.
“Charlie?”
The nurse’s voice was like wind-chimes.
I pretended not to notice her forced lipstick smile, the way she stood with her arms folded, staring at me like I was one of my cousin’s experiments. “You were in an accident, sweetie,” the nurse spoke up. I could see her trembling hands. “Just, um, try and rest, okay?”
I wanted to ask where my family was, but I already knew the answer.
I think she knew that too.
“You died, Charlie.” The nurse’s voice was eerily cold. “You were dead for thirteen minutes.”
She took slow steps towards me, her eyes growing frenzied, like she couldn't understand me, like I was a puzzle she could not solve– and it was driving her crazy. I could see it in her twitching hands, her wobbling lips that were trying and failing to appear stoic.
“In fact, I just pulled you out of the morgue, honey. I opened up your body bag that I had just zipped up, and told your aunt that you were a miracle I just… can’t understand.” The nurse sounded like she was trying to choke down a laugh, or maybe a sob.
“Charlotte, you were pronounced dead at 3:02am from a gunshot wound to the chest.” Taking a slow, sobering breath, the nurse tried to smile. “The bullet went through the right ventricle of your heart and severely damaged your left lung, rendering you unable to breathe. Your heart stopped, and after four attempts to resuscitate, we called it.”
Something slimy wound its way up my throat when she began to pace the room. “I… did all the paperwork. It took me two minutes. Your death certificate was signed, and your body was taken to the morgue to be prepped for transportation. Then I had my lunch. Tuna salad with a protein milkshake. I’m not a fan of the chocolate flavor.”
She shook her head. “Anyway, when I came back to you, you were awake inside your body bag.” Her voice was starting to break. “You were…um, alive, and asked me for apple soda.”
The nurse moved closer, and yet kept her distance.
I could feel myself moving back, panic writhing through me.
“So.” The nurse spoke calmly. “How the fuck are you still alive, Charlie?”
I think I passed out after that.
When I woke up again, my head a lot less heavier, the nurse was gone.
Slowly, my foggy brain began to find itself and connect dots.
My mouth was dry, full of cotton.
There was a sudden tightness, a sharp and cruel sting in my wrists.
Something sharp was protruding into my flesh, and no matter how many times I violently wrenched my arm, it was stuck. It didn't feel right to be able to breathe so easily.
I knew the second I woke that my Mom was dead.
Lily and PJ were dead, and it was like losing them all over again.
As clarity came over me, I found my voice, a strangled cry escaping my lips.
“Get it out.” I whispered in a shrill cry.
Tugging at the IV in my wrist, I tried to yank the needle from my skin.
“Get it out!” I shrieked, my gaze glued to the tiny spots of blood staining the insertion point.
I could see it again.
So much blood.
Mom was curled up on the floor, lying in slow spreading red that wouldn't stop, seeping across her beaded rug.
She was all over me, slick on my skin and caked in my fingernails.
I couldn't wash her off of me.
“You're okay, Charlotte.”
Aunt May’s voice came from my right, stabling me to reality.
The world started to move again, started to make sense again, when she cupped my cheeks and told me to breathe. When I opened my mouth to ask where my family were, she lightly shook her head and I swallowed my words. Aunt May handed me a glass of water, and I drained it in one gulp.
She told me I was a miracle.
Aunt May didn't say much, and when she did, she broke into sobs.
Her eyes were raw from crying, clinging onto me, her shuddery voice reassuring me that I was going to be okay.
She told me I would be living with her from now on, before wrapping me into a hug and leaving to get coffee.
Once my aunt was gone, another nurse came to prod my IV.
I tried to sleep, but the uncomfortable tightness of the needle sticking into my skin and the sterile white lights in my eyes made it impossible. I waited for grief to catch up with me, drowning me in a hollow oblivion I wouldn't be able to claw myself out of. But I didn't feel sad. I didn't feel angry.
I wanted to know why my family were dead.
I wanted to know why I was breathing, and their skin was ice cold.
Rotting.
The sudden image of maggots crawling up my brother’s nose sent me lurching into a sitting position, my stomach heaving. Reaching for my glass of water, it was empty. The sensation of throwing up felt familiar, almost comforting.
Mom was always with me when I was sick, holding my hair back and lulling my hysteria with reassuring murmurs.
I was frowning at the trash can by the door, my cotton candy brain trying to figure out if I would be able to make it in time, when a small voice drifted from the doorway, startling me.
“I don't want you to come live with us.”
My cousin was peeking through the door, hiding behind a shock of dark brown curls. Jude was the only brunette in our family. The rest of us were redheads.
I wasn't sure why he was dressed up like a ghost, draped in a white cloak that was way too big for him. Jude was a weird kid. His mother, and my auntie, had inherited the family house, so in his mind, that made him superior.
Jude made it clear he didn't like his cousins, refusing to let us play with him and banning us from family gatherings.
When the adults were drinking cocktails and losing their awareness, Jude ordered us around. The times we did play with him, our cousin showed us his spider collection, or the raccoon brain he kept in a jar. PJ was convinced our younger cousin was a serial killer. Several months earlier, he'd happily showed us the roadkill he'd been growing bacteria on under his bed.
Jude’s ‘experiments’ were worrying.
He stuffed mushrooms down my brother’s ears while he was sleeping, to, and I quote, “Recreate The Last Of Us.”
When Lily had a nosebleed during Thanksgiving dinner, Jude collected all her bloody tissues and refused to tell us where he'd put them, and what he had done with them. Fast-forward two months, and I found them under a nest of spiders. Jude was trying to adapt the spiders to be able to feed on human blood. I was surprised my cousin hadn't immediately demanded to see my siblings’ dead bodies for autopsy.
Jude stepped into the room, shuffling his feet.
“I'm sorry about Lily, PJ, and Aunt Ivy.” He mumbled, glaring at the floor tiles.
My cousin made no move to offer real sympathy, instead speaking to the floor.
“But I don't want you to come live with us.” Jude lifted his head, looking me dead in the eye. “I don't like you, Charlie. I want you to stay away.”
Before I could reply, he stepped back like I was diseased.
“You should be dead.” Jude grumbled.
He scowled at me, getting my age purposely wrong as usual before running off.
“Happy 68th birthday.”
I was six months older than him.
In Jude’s eyes, I was ready for retirement.
Still, though, my cousin was right.
I was stone cold dead, and then I was somehow alive.
Which was wrong.
Growing up, I realized Death was not so subtly attempting to fix his mistake.
It started small. I'd choke on things I wasn't supposed to choke on.
Chips.
Candy.
Ice cream.
Aunt May had to perform the heimlich manoeuvre when I choked on a piece of chicken. I thought I was just really unlucky, but then I locked myself in a freezer that didn't have a lock, and almost drowned in the local swimming pool, catching my foot in stray netting.
At the summer fair, Jude convinced me to try apple bobbing, only for my head to conveniently get stuck underwater.
It started to make sense.
I was supposed to die with my family that night, and death was out to get me.
Death started to get clever, changing his tactic. Instead of using everyday things to try to kill me, he sent reinforcements.
I turned twelve years old, and my aunt threw me a huge party, inviting all my classmates. Aunt May was rich, rich.
Mom never explained it, but our grandparents left everything to May.
The house was like a palace, a labyrinth of floors I was yet to explore, and two swimming pools.
I was in the kitchen cutting myself a slice of cake, when, out of nowhere, a dead boy came rushing at me with one of my aunt’s favorite kitchen knives.
A dead boy who I immediately recognised.
Wren Oliver.
Several years prior, he'd gone missing from his parents' yard. The town launched a full investigation, only to find his body in a ditch a week later.
So, Death had sent a footsoldier.
Hiding under a hooded sweatshirt, Wren appeared older, like he had grown up with me. But there was a startling vacancy in his expression that drew the breath from my lungs, freezing me in place. Wren’s death was announced as an accident, though his wounds suggested the opposite, dried blood smearing his right temple and a cavernous hole in his chest, his clothes painted, stained, in bright red, glued in sticky mounds clinging to him.
The boy’s eyes were wild, feral, like an animal.
His hair was longer, a mess of reddish curls matted to his forehead.
Lip split into a demented giggle.
I remember taking a slow step back, my gaze glued to the knife.
Wren’s fingers were wrapped around the handle like he knew exactly how to use it, how to plunge it into my heart and kill me for good. He moved like a predator, zero self awareness or recognition, only driven to kill me.
The dead boy prided himself in slow, intimidating steps, shoving me against the wall and dragging the blade of the knife down the curve of my throat.
His eyes confused me, writhing with hatred that was artificial, programmed into him as Death’s official soldier.
He didn't speak, only smiled, revelling in my fear. I could tell it thrilled him, my trembling hands, my sharp, heavy breaths I couldn't control. Squeezing my eyes shut, I waited to finally die.
I waited for the pain, and to lose my breath once again.
But death was playing with me.
When I opened my eyes, the dead boy was gone, and I was on my knees, screaming.
“Wren Oliver is trying to kill me!" I managed to hiss.
My aunt knelt in front of me, her expression crumpling.
*Sweetie,” She spoke softly, squeezing my hands. Aunt May was trying to appear calm for my sake, but I could tell she was scared, her frantic eyes searching mine. “Wren Oliver is dead.”
The kids surrounding me started to giggle, whispering among themselves.
In the corner of my eye, my cousin was leaning against the door, mid eye roll.
When my aunt was ushering kids back to the pool, Jude came to crouch in front of me. Ever since I started living with him, he'd made sure to keep his distance.
This time, though, Jude leaned uncomfortably close, a sparkle in his eyes I had never seen before. Inclining his head, he rocked back and forth on his heels, prodding me in the forehead.
“If you see the dead boy again, can you tell me?” His lips curved into a smile.
“I did see him.” I gritted out. “I’m not lying.”
Jude shrugged. “I never said you didn't,” he lowered his voice into a whisper, “I wanna know when you see him again.”
“Why?”
His lips curved into a smirk.
“So, I can catch him.”
My cousin got closer, his breath tickling my cheek.
“I seeeeeeee dead people.”
After that incident, death left me alone for a while.
I was fifteen, walking through the forest with a friend, catching fireflies in bell jars. Aunt May was lucky to live so close to the forest, the entrance just outside her back door. When we were littles, PJ would drag Lily and I down the trail to escape Jude’s weird experiments.
I decided to invite Jem Littlewood on a summer walk.
Jem was cute, but in a dorky way. He was chronically clumsy, and dressed like he'd been spat out of a John Hughes movie. We hiked all the way to the end of the river and had a picnic, watching the sun set over the horizon. I was having conflicting feelings for this guy.
Jem was obsessed with fireflies.
Though he seemed more interested in photographing them than me.
The guy couldn't seem to sit still, jumping to his feet to marvel at tiny specks of light dancing in the air.
“I'm just going to take photos!” Jem beamed, holding up his camera.
I had to bite back the urge to say, “Don't you have enough photos?”
I nodded, and he turned and sprinted back down the trail.
Before his footsteps ground to a sudden halt.
At first, I thought he was snapping polaroids.
When I got closer, though, blinking in the eerie dark, I caught something.
Bending down, I picked up a bell jar still spilling fireflies.
Further down the trail, Jem was lying crumpled in the dirt, his camera smashed to pieces next to him, blood running in thick rivulets down his temple. There he was. Leaning against a tree, his arms folded, was the ghost boy. Wren Oliver was growing up with me. Now, a teenager, and yet his face was carved into something else entirely, more of a monster, slight points to his ears and too-sharp teeth, eyes ignited.
Wren didn't look like a ghost boy anymore.
Death had dressed him in shackles of ivy, a crown of glass and bone forced onto his head, entangled in his curls. Death was torturing him.
Wren’s body was its canvas, and every time I got away, he was punished, painting his failures across scarred skin.
I should have been running for my life, but I was mesmerised by each symbol cruelly carved into his neck.
The boy did a slow head incline, like he couldn't believe I was standing in front of him.
His slow spreading smile caught me off guard.
I remembered how to run, stumbling over my feet.
But I couldn't move.
The burning hatred that death had filled him with, was stronger, hollowing him out completely. I managed two shaky steps, before I felt him, an unearthly force winding its way around my spine. This time, he didn't hesitate.
I watched his mouth move, a single curve of his upper lip that wrenched my body from my control, slamming me against a tree. There was something around my throat, choking the breath from my lungs, a thick fog spreading over my eyes.
Following his mouth curving into silent letters, I could feel my feet slowly leaving the ground, my legs dangling.
I was floating.
Hovering off of the ground, suspended by his words.
Through half lidded eyes, I caught the glint of a blade between his fist, but I couldn't move, couldn't scream.
He was drowning me, bleeding into my blood, spider webbing and expanding in my brain without moving a muscle.
Instead, the ghost boy stood silently, running his thumb down the teeth of his knife while he ripped my lungs apart.
It was like suffocating, sinking into that peaceful oblivion I met at eight years old.
This time, though, the darkness was starving.
“Charlie?”
My eyes found daylight, a scream clawing out of my mouth.
“Charlie, it's past curfew!”
Wren flinched, his stoic expression crumpling.
The dead boy’s lips moved again, this time in a curse.
Fuck.
“Charlotte!”
Staggering back, Wren’s eyes widened and the suffocating hold on me severed.
His head snapped in the direction my aunt was coming from.
“Charlie, answer me right now.”
He hesitated, his bare feet pivoting in the dirt, like he was considering finishing me off. Wren studied me with lazy eyes, sucking on his bottom lip. When my aunt's footsteps got louder, branches snapping under her shoes, something contorted in the boy’s face.
Fear.
I guessed the boy wasn't expecting other humans to intrude.
Wren fell over himself, shuffling on his hands and knees, before diving to his feet. When he turned and ran, I was released, slipping to the ground, trying and failing to draw in breath. I barely felt the impact, only a dull thudding pain. I could hear the ghost boy’s footsteps, his uneven, shuddery breaths as he catapulted into a run.
Under a late setting sun, I watched his dancing shadow disappear into the trees.
Mission unsuccessful, I guessed.
When I was fully conscious, Aunt May was checking over Jem, helping him sit up.
“Where did he go?” I managed to get out, scanning the darkness for Wren.
“He's okay, just concussed.” May whispered, dialling 911.
My aunt applied a dressing to Jem’s wound, ignoring the boy’s hisses.
“Keep still.” she murmured, smoothing his bandaid. “What happened, Charlotte?”
“She pushed me over.” Jem groaned, shuffling away from me. When my aunt told him to stay calm, he straightened up, leaning against the tree. “The psycho bitch tried to fucking kill me!”
When my aunt's gaze flicked to me, I shook my head.
“It was Wren Oliver.” I gritted, teetering on hysteria. I could tell she didn't believe me, but I couldn't stop myself.
I prodded at my throat, clawing for the indentations where his phantom fingers snaked around my neck, squeezing the breath from my lungs.
But there was nothing.
I could feel my mind starting to unravel. I nodded to my disgruntled classmate trying to dodge my aunt’s prodding.
“Ow, ow, ow! That stings!
“He knocked Jem out.” I managed. “Then he tried to kill me.”
Jem surprised me with a scoff. “You're seriously blaming your psychotic break on a dead kid?”
Aunt May pursed her lips, motioning for Jem to be quiet. Judging from her face, however, she agreed with the boy.
May forced a smile, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. “Okay. Can you, uh, describe the boy to me, Charlotte?”
“He was wearing a crown,” I said, “And he looked my age.”
Aunt May cocked her head, and I saw real worry, like she was trying not to freak out. Jem made a snorting noise.
“I'm sorry, he was wearing a crown?”
“Yes!” I insisted, getting progressively more frustrated.
I tried to jump up, only for my aunt to gently lower me back down. “I know it sounds crazy, but death has sent Wren Oliver to kill me, just like my family. He tried to kill me when I was twelve, too!”
Jem let out a bitter laugh. “Your niece is a fucking wackadoodle.”
Aunt May’s eyes darkened. She grabbed my shoulders, her nails stabbing into my skin. “Charlie, I want you to listen to me, okay?” When my eyes found the rapidly darkening sky, my aunt forced me to look at her.
“Charlotte!”
She was as scared as me, her voice shuddering.
“Wren Oliver is dead.” My aunt said firmly, shaking me. Even then, though, I wasn't even looking at her. I was trying to find his ignited eyes lighting up the dark. “Wren died at eight years old in a terrible accident, and you can't keep using him as an excuse for your mental trauma.” There was something twitching in her expression I was trying to make sense of. When I risked a look at Jem, the boy was staring at me dazedly– like I really was crazy.
Aunt May pressed her face into my shoulder, and I could feel her tears soaking into my shirt. She was trying to hold it together, trying to understand.
“Charlie, I know you lost your family,” she whispered. “But you and Wren Oliver are not the same. You survived, and he didn't.” Her voice splintered.
“You need to come to terms with that, okay?”
When I didn't respond, she pinched my chin, forcing me to look at her.
“Charlotte.”
Aunt May’s voice turned cold. “I ignored this when you were a kid, but if you continue to use this poor boy as a coping mechanism, I will have no choice but to send you to a specialist.”
When Jem was taken away by paramedics, Aunt May held my hand, squeezing my fingers for dear life.
I caught her gaze scanning the tree's around us, delving into twisting oblivion. Every little noise sent her twisting around. She was looking for something.
“I'm going to get you help.” Aunt May said in a low murmur when we were back at the house. Jude was sitting on the kitchen counter, legs swinging. I could feel his penetrating gaze burning into the back of my head.
Aunt May set a cup of cocoa on the table.
“No more fairytales.”
By the time I was eighteen, I had bitten three therapists.
They refused to believe that death was coming to reclaim my soul, and was using a dead boy to do his dirty work.
For my 16th birthday, I braced myself to come face to face with Wren Oliver’s ghost.
I wasn't even in town, staying at a friend's house.
But dead boys, and especially dead boys moulded into Death’s personal soldiers, could materialise anywhere.
I locked every door in the house, and taped up my friend’s window.
Nothing happened.
On my seventeenth birthday, I was sick in bed with gastritis.
Still no ghost boy.
Death seemed to have finally left me alone.
On my eighteenth birthday, I was stuffing books in my locker when my cousin popped up out of nowhere, scowling as usual. After an unexpected growth spurt and losing a tonne of baby fat, my cousin had scaled the high school hierarchy, swapping his weird experiments for a varsity jacket and experimenting with his sexuality.
The two of us had come to an unspoken truce.
I kept quiet about his spider collection to his popular friends, and he tolerated my existence until I left for college.
“Your surprise party is cancelled.”
Jude leaned against my locker, running a hand through thick dark hair tucked under a baseball cap. Jude never admitted it, but he was definitely embarrassed of being the odd one out.
My siblings may be dead, but they were still redheads.
I pulled off his cap with a smile, throwing it in his face. “Sure it is.”
My cousin’s eyes widened. He lost his slick bravado, grabbing for his cap.
“Hey!”
According to my cousin, my party was unexpectedly cancelled every year.
I wasn't sure if it was his weird superiority complex, or just plain jealousy, but it was getting exhausting.
Jude followed me down the hallway, matching my stride.
“Can you just not come home tonight?”
I quickened my pace. “It's only a party. I'm having some friends over, and no, we won't go anywhere near your room.”
“No, I mean.” Jude stepped in front of me, and for the first time in a while, he wasn't trying to hide disdain for me.
His dark eyes pinned me in place for a moment, the world around us coming to a halt. Sound bled away, and all I heard were his slow breaths. There was something there, an unexplainable twitch in his eyes and lips, that twisted my gut.
Jude stepped closer, his lip curling. He shoved me back, losing his facade.
“Stay the fuck away from the house tonight.” He said, and his voice, his tone, was enough to send shivers creeping down my spine. Jude had always hid behind a ten foot wall in his mind. It was jarring to see something in him finally start to splinter. Fuck. I thought.
This kid had serious Mommy issues.
I blinked, and the world resumed, kids pushing past us.
Jude seemed to catch himself, slipping back under his mask.
“I'm having friends over,” he rolled his eyes, “Your presence will ruin the vibe.”
“It's my birthday?”
He groaned, tipping his head back. “Yes, I know. But–”
“I think you can deal with the attention off of you for one night, Jude.”
“Will Wren Oliver be there too?” Jem Littlewood hollered.
Jude didn't respond for a moment, his lip curling.
“Shut the fuck up.” He spat at Jem, who immediately backed down. With an audience this time, Jude forced an award winning smile. “Fine.” His lips split into a grin I knew he hated. My cousin clamped his hand on my shoulder, hard enough to hurt. I could feel his fingers pinching the material of my jacket. “Have it your way, dude.”
Jude backed away with a two fingered salute.
“Happy 78th birthday!”
In a sense, I wish I listened to my cousin.
My party was a success, sort of.
Four of us, a crate of beers, and no sign of my cousin.
I was mildly tipsy, sitting on the edge of the pool, dangling my legs in the water when my friend demanded more beers.
I was also hungry for cake, so I stumbled inside in search of the goods.
The house was dark, lit up in dazzling blue from the pool's lights reflecting through the windows. Aunt May was in her office on the ground floor, and Jude was getting high in his room. In my drunken state, I found myself marvelling my aunt's house, and how much of it was left unexplored.
For example, in the foyer, past the spiral staircase she’d had custom made, was an elevator I had never questioned.
There was a girl my age standing on the staircase.
She was frozen, mid run, dressed in ragged jeans and t-shirt.
Everything about her stuck out to me, bringing me to a sobering halt.
The girl reminded me of my sister– or at least, if my sister had ever grown up.
I wasn't sure if I was drunk or hallucinating.
Her flower crown was pretty…
Lily had grown wings.
I was slowly moving towards her, a sudden bang sounding from the kitchen.
The bang of something shattering on the floor.
Twisting around, I found myself gravitating towards warm golden light.
The first thing I saw was the refrigerator door hanging open, and someone, no, something, rooting around inside it.
Glued to the spot, I dazedly watched them grab milk, guzzling it down, and then soda, cracking open each can and sucking them dry, before carving their fingers into my birthday cake.
But I wasn't looking at the spillage of food seeping across the floor. Instead, my gaze found a crown of antlers, both human and animal bone entangled with dead flowers and human remains glued to a head of familiar matted brown curls. There was something sticking from battered and bruised flesh, twin gaping slits sliced through a torn shirt resembling glass wings that were not yet formed, reminding me of a butterfly.
Wings.
But not the wings I dreamed of as a kid. These things were unnatural mounds that both did and didn't make sense on a human boy. I could see the trauma of them slicing through his flesh, monstrous, looming things protruding from what was left of a human spine.
Human, and yet I couldn't call his beautifully grotesque face human.
Wren Oliver had grown up with me, now an adult.
Eighteen years old.
His clothes confused me, a single white shirt and shorts.
Wren’s feet were bare, battered and bruised, blood smearing my aunt's tiles.
Angel.
Death had turned his footsoldier, and my future killer, into an angel.
But there was nothing angelic about the dead boy, his body and mind sculpted and moulded into Death’s own.
The boy no longer resembled a human, feral eyes and a manic smile, choking down pieces of cake. His face had been contorted into a monster, gnashing teeth and sharp points in his ears, a sickly tinge to malnourished skin.
And that's when it hit me, watching him stuff himself with food.
Something slimy inched its way up my throat.
The boy didn't move. I don't even think he'd noticed me, gorging himself on anything he could get his hands on.
Chicken, raw bacon, leftover salad.
When he moved onto cupcakes, licking frosting from his fingers, I glimpsed markings on his arms, a language I didn't understand, carved into him.
His wrists were shackled, bound, in entangled iron and vine, iron that was ingrained into his skin, vines and flowers and ivy entangling his bones, that were part of him, polluting his blood. Slowly, my eyes found stab wounds splitting open his torso.
Raw flesh, where his skin had been torched, melting, and then merging, ripped apart and put back together over and over again.
I found his heart, the gaping cavern in his chest where it should be.
And it was.
Marked, carved, and branded with a symbol resembling an X.
Wren Oliver was not dead.
But, just like me, he should have been.
I remember saying his name, my voice slurred slightly.
I didn't drink that much, but I could barely coerce words, my head spinning.
Wren’s neck snapped towards me, his eyes narrowing with resentment I couldn't understand, hatred that seemed to puppeteer him. Slowly tilting his head, the boy’s lips split into a grin, eyes filled, polluted, with mania.
I could see where his lips had been stitched shut, and then ripped open.
“Hi.”
He held up his hand in an awkward wave.
When one of my friends stumbled into the kitchen, Wren reacted on impulse.
He picked up a knife from the counter, throwing it like a dart, straight through the guy’s throat.
Something shattered inside my mind.
Ignoring my friend bleeding out, Wren stumbled over himself, abandoning his feast. He took a single step towards me, backing me against the wall, coming so close, close enough for me to feel his very real breath grazing my cheeks. Just like when he was a kid, he traced the teeth of his blade down my throat. I wasn't expecting him to burst out laughing, trembling with hysteria.
His eyes were wild, feral and wrong, almost euphoric.
With what all I could only recognise as relief.
BANG.
I was barely aware of the gunshot.
The bullet went straight through his head, the winged boy hitting the ground.
Dead.
I saw the blood stemming around him in a halo before the bleeding pool faltered, seeping back inside his head.
Like rewinding a VCR.
Wren was dead, and then he was alive.
Wren’s body contorted, his chest inflating.
His gasp for air was painful, strangled, eyes opening wide.
Terrified.
“You fucking idiot.”
Jude’s voice sent me twisting around.
My cousin stood in the exact same robes he wore as a child.
The world tipped off kilter, and I was on my knees, then my stomach.
I sunk to the floor, my thoughts swimming.
Jude’s murmur followed me, creeping into the dark.
“I told you not to come home.”
I can't remember how long I was unconscious for.
When I woke, I was dressed in an evening gown, a dress that used to be my mother’s.
My vision cleared, and I found myself sitting in an unfamiliar room resembling an abandoned swimming hall.
The pool itself was empty, the bottom stained revealing scarlet.
There were symbols carved into each tile.
Like a game.
“Sit up straight, Charlotte.”
I was sitting at a banquet.
Jude was in front of me, sipping on wine.
He caught my eye for half a second before averting his gaze.
At the far end of the table sat my aunt May.
Kissing the rim of her glass, her smile was twisted.
“I've been waiting so long to give you your birthday presents, Charlotte. Your memories should be returning soon.”
“Mom.” Jude muttered, hiding behind his glass. “Calm down. You're embarrassing yourself.”
Ignoring my cousin, May tapped her glass with a fork, and in walked my birthday presents.
No, dragged.
By their hair.
Wren Oliver, the dead boy, was in fact my aunt's prisoner.
Behind him, was the girl who looked so much like Lily.
I think that's why my aunt chose her.
Aunt May cleared her throat.
“For a long time, our family has lived among creatures who live in the forest you played inside. In exchange for keeping this town safe, they only ask for small favors. Wayward children who disappear into the woods are good enough payment. Charlie, you and your siblings do not share our inheritance. Your mother never wanted fae children. She wanted you to be human.”
Aunt May’s smile faded.
“After losing my sister, and my niece and nephew, I made a deal to give my last surviving niece 100 years of life.”
Her words were white noise, my gaze glued to my birthday presents. I couldn't call them human anymore.
I couldn't call Wren human, when his face was so beautifully grotesque, painfully hypnotising.
The monstrous things sticking from twin slits in his back were supposed to be wings, except they looked wrong, cruelly protruding from his exposed spine. Under the influence of alcohol earlier, the girl made me smile.
Her wings, to me, looked like one of a real fairy.
In reality, they were torn and shredded apart, bigger than the girl herself.
When she dropped onto her stomach, she was dragged back to her feet, her knees buckling under the weight. Her tiara of flowers and bone looked pretty to me when I saw her on the stairs.
Now, though, I could see the pearly white of a human child's skull forced onto her head, dead flowers threaded through cavernous, gaping eye sockets.
The two of them were violently shoved into the empty pool.
“Jude. Please demonstrate, sweetheart.”
Jude stood, pulling out a gun, and aiming it at the winged girl.
BANG.
The girl’s body hit the tiles, her blood seeping across stained white.
“Now, of course, our king did not give you life for free.” May continued.
“The King demanded a debt, as well as two heirs to join him in his court once your hundred years were complete.”
Her lips quirked into a smile.
“The king is smart. If a child cannot be stolen from the human world, they can, however, be made, moulded and shaped from their human forms, skinned of their humanity through their suffering, leaving a hollowed out shell in the child's place.” She was speaking so casually, ignoring Wren’s whimpers.
“The conversion takes a while. 100 years to birth a fully blooded fae heir, who will lose their human memories, in preparation to join their new family.”
Jude shot Wren in the chest, his eyes empty.
This time, he dropped his weapon, using finger-guns instead.
“Bang.” He deadpanned.
Then the neck.
I watched Wren come back to life, and then die.
Over and over again.
I think at one point, he screamed and cried.
But not now.
He was their puppet on display, dancing for their entertainment.
Half lidded eyes drowned in oblivion found mine, and I understood his hatred.
Before he was shot again.
Stabbed.
Branded and burned, and ripped apart.
At some point, I screamed at them to stop. I couldn't breathe, slamming my hands over my ears and begging them.
Aunt May didn't listen, ordering for my hands to be tied down.
“The King required two human sacrifices to suffer in your place.” She concluded. “For one hundred years.”
Aunt May’s smile was suddenly sad, and she lifted her glass in a toast.
I was watching their blood trickle down each tile in the pool, like every death, every time they suffered, my body became progressively less human.
I felt disgusting. I wasn't supposed to be alive. Every single year of my life, every breath I had taken, was stolen.
Aunt May nodded at me, her lips forming a proud smile. She stood up, and was handed a sacrificial knife.
Climbing into the swimming pool herself, she strode over to Wren.
The boy slumped to the floor, trembling, his knees against his chest.
Aunt May grabbed him by the hair, forcing his head up, and sliced the blade across his throat.
His eyes flicked to me, and I swore he smiled.
Spots of red dotted yellowing tiles, a river trickling under my aunt's heels.
“Happy 78th birthday, Charlotte.”
Last night ended with me being locked in my room.
It's been almost 15 hours, and the door is still locked. Please help me. I'm fucking terrified of what my aunt is planning.
I can't stop shgajing. FycjbfucibFUCK
If she is telling the truth, I shouldn't be here, right??
And I can't stop thinking.
Is Wren Oliver trying to kill me, or himself?

Bundle deals available! There are mostly samples, but there are some full-sizes as well. I priced to sell, but am open to reasonable offers. More details are on my spreadsheet. New items added recently!

• Most perfumes were received direct from the original store. If you want me to double-check, just let me know!
• All perfumes are kept in a cool, dark place. I live in a non-smoking and pet-free house.
• Payment via PayPal G&S. I will send an invoice. Prices are in USD.
• If buying multiple items that aren't already bundled, make me a reasonable offer for a discount :)
• I will ship within 7 days of payment, though I am often much quicker and will ship same/next day!
• Shipping is $13 tracked to Canada unless you're only getting a few samples, in which case it's $3 without tracking. Shipping to the US is typically around $13 tracked (I will provide a quote based on zip code).
• If purchasing >$50, I'll offer a 50% discount on shipping. If >$125, shipping will be free regardless of location!
• I'm mostly looking to sell, but will consider swaps for scents listed on my ISO tab. However, I'm looking to get multiple items (at least three) from one seller.

Fantome:
Ivan the Fool, Vasilia (FS)
Stereoplasm:
Candle in the Window, Clemency (2 samples are available), Disco Stardust (both a FS and sample are available), Excitation, Flowers in the Rain, Gone Gnome, Kindling, November Cakes, Opaline, Peche Immortelle, Perdotmint (both a FS and sample are available), Reverie, Rickey, The Presents, Toasted Matchimellow (FS), Wilde, Yellownog
CocoaPink:
Black Sugar Cake, Black Voodoo, Fear of Ghosts, Full Moon, Gooey Caramel, Handbook for the Recently Deceased, Haunted Carnival, Pumpkin Kiss, Scarecrow, Warm Mittens, You'll Never Grow Old
Possets:
Mrs. Rabbit's Carrot Cake (FS), Silver Narcissus, Solis Anima
Pulp Fragrances:
An Accidental Interloper, Embrace, South Star, The Phantom Room, Women In Dresses Running From Houses 2021
Nui Cobalt:
Hell Freezes Over, Little Brown Rabbit, Mendacity: Horchata, Roll Initiative
Arcana Craves:
Blueberries Crave Sunshine
Sucreabeille:
Alembic (FS)
Arcana Wildcraft
Witches Cavort with Cupcakes (FS)
Hexennacht
I ♥ the 80’s
Andromeda's Curse
Strength, The Call of the Void
Black Hearted Tart
Autumn Sweater, Electric Feel, Fade Into You, Girlfriend In A Coma, Glory Box, Head Over Heels, Heart Shaped Box, Honeybee, Melt With You, My Velouria, Only In Dreams, Piece Of My Heart, Pink Moon
Poesie
Nectar
Astrid
Ensoleille
Whisper
Alkemia
Vanille Armour (FS)
Link again: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19URt2wyxl2xQd8XN2CPKzqBv0ZANl65yUTx9Gx_u0a4/edit?usp=drive_link
Thanks for checking out my destash!

Himiko blinked her eyes excitedly. She looked around her and gasped softly with delight when she noticed that she was sitting on top of a pillowy, fluffy cloud in the bright blue sky. The sun was shining warmly down on her skin. She noticed her clothes had changed, as well. She was wearing a white dress with a red petticoat underneath, and a red sash around her waist tied up in a pretty bow. On her feet were a pair of red heels, and on her hands were a pair of white gloves.
"You look beautiful as always," murmured a smooth voice. Himiko looked up to see Kokichi sitting right across from her with a picnic basket placed in between them. She smiled at him.
"Nyeh...thank you," she replied bashfully with a soft blush on her cheeks. Kokichi stood up and moved over next to Himiko, sitting down right beside her so that he was now in between her and the picnic basket. He reached into the basket and pulled out a cupcake, handing it to her.
"Would you like a cupcake, muffin?" he asked, kissing her cheek. Himiko giggled at his joke and squealed happily as she took the muffin.
"Thank you," she replied, shyly biting into the muffin. It was the sweetest muffin she'd ever tasted. She sighed blissfully.
"Do you like it?" Kokichi asked.
"Yes. I do," Himiko replied with a nod. Kokichi kissed her hand.
"I'm glad," he said. "Because I made it specially for you. You deserve the best, Himiko." Kokichi gently kissed her hand again, this time, both front and back. At his warm touch, Himiko felt her heart soar. She was definitely on cloud nine. She finished her muffin and thanked Kokichi. Kokichi pressed his forehead against hers.
"You're welcome," he murmured. Himiko giggled goofily. She then covered her mouth.
"Oh! W-Was that too weird?" she asked abashedly. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be! I love your giggles," Kokichi said, pressing Himiko's hands against his chest. "Your giggles are lovely. But, not as lovely as your beautiful face." Himiko blushed like crazy. She was being complimented endlessly by Kokichi, and she loved it! And even though it wasn't the real Kokichi, she was at least enjoying herself. She found it a little easier to talk to him, as well.
"Kokichi?" she asked.
"Yes, my love?" Kokichi responded.
"Nyeh...would you...like to be my boyfriend?" Himiko asked with hope in her voice. Kokichi cupped Himiko's chin in his hands.
"Darling, I thought you'd never ask!" he cried.
"You mean...you've been waiting for me to ask you that?!" Himiko asked.
"Oh, sweetheart...I've been dying for you to ask me that!" Kokichi exclaimed, kissing both of Himiko's hands. Himiko stared at him in wonder. Part of her wanted to believe that the real Kokichi felt that way. But there's no way he could have. Himiko suddenly felt her heart drop. She was only in a fantasy after all. What was happening to her at that very moment was just an illusion. Kokichi in her dream was only telling her what she wanted to hear. And although she went in knowing that, it still didn't make the possibility of the real Kokichi not feeling the same as his dream counterpart vanish.
"What's the matter, my darling?" Kokichi asked. "Your eyes seem sad now."
"It's just that...you don't really feel that way about me," Himiko replied quietly, turning her head away from Kokichi. Kokichi gently turned her chin back to him.
"Of course I do, my lo-," he began.
"No...you don't," Himiko interrupted, turning her head away again, and lowering it despondently. "Nyeh...who am I kidding? This isn't how you really feel. I'm only...lying to myself."
"What do you mean?" Kokichi asked.
"It's just that...I can't help but think that maybe the way you feel about me is...is..." Himiko began, trying to hold back her tears. Kokichi gently took her hand in his.
"You think it's a lie. You want the way I feel about you to be the same way my real self thinks about you," he finished softly. Himiko turned to him and nodded her head. She thought it was strange how easily he was able to deduce that just like the real Kokichi would. "I see. And what makes me any different than my real self? You put a part of the real me in this dream after all." Himiko blinked in surprise. Was he talking about the strand of hair? If so, did putting that strand of hair into the potion add more than just Kokichi's image in her dream? Could she have added his feelings, too?
"But...you and your real self can't be the same person," Himiko reasoned. "You don't even act like the real Kokichi."
"I may not act the same as him, but how do you know we don't feel the same?" Kokichi asked with a mysterious smile. "I'm only acting this way because you've slightly altered my personality by creating a sweet love dream. But there's a part of me that's still true to the real me. After all, I saw your reaction to when I easily figured out what made you sad. Like the real me, I'm pretty good at reading people, riiiight?" Himiko looked at him in surprise. He was smiling back at her with that all-too-familiar mischievous, cheeky grin, replacing the sweet smile he had earlier. "My real self may feel the same way as I do about you, you know. You'll never know until you talk to him." He then gave her a wink. Himiko felt her hopes rising. Could it be true? Could Kokichi actually like her back?
"Nyeh...I don't like that you're giving me hope," she said hesitantly.
"Well, my job here isn't to fill you up with hope...but with love," Kokichi said, kissing the back of Himiko's hand again. She blushed as she smiled at Kokichi. Kokichi gently tickled Himiko's chin with his fingers. Himiko squealed and inhaled deeply. As she did, she began to float above Kokichi. As she exhaled, she landed slowly right into his arms, wrapping hers around his neck. Kokichi gave her gentle kisses on her cheek, causing Himiko to gasp softly with delight. She felt her heart beat faster as Kokichi pressed his forehead against hers and stared into her eyes.
"You really do have the most beautiful eyes, Himiko," he murmured. "I love the way they sparkle in the sunlight. And I bet they'd sparkle just as beautifully in the moonlight. I hope that, someday, I get a chance to see for myself. I could get lost in your eyes forever, my darling."
"Kokichi..." Himiko breathed. Kokichi then slowly inched his face closer to hers. Himiko gasped softly. He was going to kiss her! She closed her eyes, getting ready to be swept away by his soft, warm lips.
"Himiko!!" Kokichi said suddenly, but it wasn't his own voice coming out of his throat. It was...Tenko's?? Himiko's eyes flew open. She was back in her room. Daylight was streaming through the window that Tenko had opened. Tenko was at Himiko's bedside, shaking her awake. "Himiko! Wake up! It's time for school!" Himiko clenched her fists.
"TENKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" she screeched.
Part Four
Himiko was grouchy that morning after having been waken up by Tenko before Kokichi in her dream could give her a kiss. Thinking about dream Kokichi, however, softened her mood a little. She smiled to herself as she brushed her hair, remembering the way his lips felt against her skin. After washing up in the bathroom, she went downstairs for breakfast. When she turned the corner to go into the kitchen, she bumped right into Kokichi.
"WAAHH!!!" she screamed, then covered her mouth immediately.
"Nee-heehee...that was a pretty intense reaction," Kokichi laughed with amusement.
"Nyeeeh...b-because you s-scared me!!" Himiko stammered, feeling the butterflies in her stomach flutter. "Watch where you're going, you idiot!"
"Idiot?!" Kokichi asked with fake surprise. "Gee, and all this time, I thought you liked me!" Himiko's eyes darted around, and she opened and closed her mouth frantically.
"L-Like you?! LIKE YOU?! Nyeeeh...w-well you th-thought wrong!!" she stammered. "Jeez, you're so annoying!! Now, j-just move out of my way already! Gosh!" Smirking, Kokichi stepped aside and let Himiko through. She shoved her way past him into the kitchen. When she felt safe, she clutched her chest with her hand and took a few deep breaths.
"Nyeh...that was close," she sighed, wiping sweat from her forehead. Suddenly, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She jumped out of her skin and whirled around to see Kokichi there. "AAAHHH!!" she screeched, flinching hard. Kokichi tossed his head back and laughed. Himiko balled her hands into fists. "Why are you sneaking up on me?!"
"Hahahaha...what was 'so close? '" Kokichi asked, making air quotes with his fingers.

"None of your business!!" Himiko snapped. "Now what do you want?!"
"Calm down, calm down," Kokichi replied with a cheeky grin. "I just wanted to tell you that if you wanted waffles, we're out of syrup."
"Yeah, yeah, thanks!" Himiko said testily. "Nyeeeh...are you done?!"
"Nee-heehee...why are you so on edge today?" Kokichi asked. "Does it have anything to with the nightmare you had?" Himiko blinked in confusion at him.
"Nightmare?" she repeated.
"Yeah. You woke up screaming this morning," Kokichi explained.
"O-Oh! Y-Yeah...that's right," Himiko lied. "Yeah, I had, um...a really bad nightmare."
"Oh? What was it about?" Kokichi asked with a sly grin.

"Nyeh! W-Why do you wanna know?!" Himiko asked nervously. Kokichi casually placed his hands behind his head.
"That must have been some nightmare to make you scream so loudly like that," he said. "I was kinda worried about you." Himiko couldn't help herself. She felt her cheeks grow warm as they turned a rosy pink.
He doesn't mean it that way, she thought to herself, trying to force down the warm, fuzzy feeling growing inside of her. He's only worried about you as a \friend!* He's probably actually lying about being worried in the first place! He doesn't care about you!* With that in mind, the warm, fuzzy feeling subsided, as did the blush on her cheeks. Her shoulders dropped.
"It was nothing," she mumbled. "It was actually a nice dream. I was just mad at Tenko for waking me up from it. It only became a nightmare when I realized I was back in the real world."
"I seeee!" Kokichi replied with a cheeky grin. "Sooo, what was your dream about?
"Ugh...why do you wanna know?!" Himiko scoffed. "It wasn't a bad dream, so you don't have to be worried about me anymore."
"Oh, that was a lie," Kokichi replied with a cheeky grin. "I wasn't worried at all. I just said that to get you to tell me what your nightmare was." Himiko stared at him in disbelief. She felt her heart drop. It was just as she thought. She knew it was too good to be true.
"A-HA!!!" Kokichi suddenly exclaimed, startling Himiko.

"W-What?!"

"That look on your face just now!" Kokichi said. "Why did you look so sad all of a sudden, Himiko? Did you want me to be worried about you, hmmm?"
"N-NO!!!" Himiko shouted. "It was just rude of you to say that!!"
"If you thought it was rude, you would have gotten angry at me, not sad," Kokichi pointed out.
"S-So! W-What's your point?!" Himiko stammered defensively as she nervously rubbed her arm. Kokichi inched his face closer to hers.
"You liiiike me, don't you, Himiko?" he teased. Himiko's cheeks turned bright red.
"N-NO!!! WHAT?!?! I ALREADY TOLD YOU I DON'T LIKE YOU!!!" she shouted.
"Well, when I mentioned it the first time, I meant that I thought you liked me as a friend," Kokichi said with a sneaky grin. "But, now, I'm saying that you like like me."
"WHAAAAT?!" Himiko roared, her cheeks turning deep red. "NO WAY!! THAT'S RIDICULOUS!!! I DON'T LIKE LIKE YOU!!! WHO SAID I LIKE LIKE YOU?!?! WHO WOULD EVEN LIKE LIKE YOU?!?! YOU'RE A J-JERK!!!" A very sexy jerk, she thought suddenly to herself. CUT THAT OUT!! STOP THINKING LIKE THAT!!!
"Then, lemme ask you this, how would you feel if I was actually worried about you?" Kokichi asked.
"Nyeeeh...you're not, so why does that matter?" Himiko asked, crossing her arms and turning away from Kokichi.
"Well...what if told you that I was lying about not being worried?" Kokichi asked, placing his hands on Himiko's shoulders. Himiko gasped softly, feeling his touch. It reminded her of her dream, of how Kokichi made her feel. Kokichi then wrapped his arms around her, pressing his cheek against hers. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to be held by Kokichi, if only for a few moments.

"How would you feel if...I actually did care?" Kokichi murmured softly in her ear. "Would you like that...Himiko? " Himiko uttered a shaky breath. Her heart pounded harder against her chest. She absolutely adored when he said her name, and he seemed to know it. She could hear the smirk on his face when he said it. "Would you confess your feelings to me, then, hmmm?" Himiko's eyes shot open. She couldn't let herself say anything to him. She threw his arms off of her.
"Nyeh...I don't like you!" she yelled. Before Kokichi could say or do anything else, she ran out of the kitchen and outside Casa V3. It was a little too early for her to go to school, but she couldn't be at home any longer. One more second and she would have confessed her feelings for Kokichi, and her life would have been over. She sighed in frustration, but also longingly. She loved the feeling of Kokichi's arms around her. She already missed his low, flirty voice in her ear. She loved how he made her heart pound. She wanted more. She decided that later that night, she'd try out a spicy love dream for a more daring experience with Kokichi.

On the Giant Bomb podcast: https://www.youtube.com/live/vcvbGRsH3G0?si=bhdHDstyDP3PHyKy&t=1686
Full quote:

"The fallout from this (today's layoffs), been hearing more and more.. been hearing for years that Perfect Dark is in a rough state, sounds like it's in a very rough state"
"And it doesn't sound like it's really come together in any way since then (since the announcement) and like Crystal Dynamics coming on board to come help on that.."

Regarding first person shooter aspect:

"It sounds like they don't even know if that's what they want to do with that"

Edit:
shinobi062 said that lines up with what he has heard
Alex Donaldson said:

lmao. I have some crazy stories about the development of that game I have not put in print out of respect for a team really trying hard to push a boulder up a steep hill. But my patience is getting thin

(thank you Diligent-Tie4456 for the links)
Edit 2: Liam Robertson said:

From what little I have heard about the development of the new Perfect Dark, it sounds like a future video in the making. Just a big, protracted mess.

(thank you Animegamingnerd for the link)

So, I’m an STNA. I work third shift, and came in tonight to cupcakes in the brake room. I go in for a closer look to notice a big birthday card and a note attached to said cupcakes. Note: Please enjoy a cupcake and sign Apples bday card. (fake name, female) I stupidly wanted mine to be “different”, googled bday quotes and picked one. Then finished and well, yeah. Imma little worried it may be misconstrued😅🤷‍♀️ My quote: May you celebrate this bday the way you celebrated the first one: naked and screaming…..🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ It fills a whole balloon and I did it with pen.! Do I need to look for a new job 😭😬

Thank you to everyone who sent me a birthday card to help celebrate my dirty 30!! I had an amazing day and all of your cards brought a smile to my face :)
u/ritaalbertson Love the national park card! It would be awesome to visit one day!
u/zenshark33 Thank you for the cute card and little heart charm!
u/photodelights Thank you for the Seoul Sky postcard. I would love to visit one day!
u/allthe_angels thank you for the amazing handmade card, it is beautiful!!
u/tigerlady13 thank you for the cute birthday card!
u/mondaycat73 oh my goodness this funky rockin stereo cat card is hilarious!! The Beatles are one of my favorite bands and every year Birthday always gets played. Thank you for the cat stickers and cute bookmark <3
u/grasshopper2231 Thank you for the cute birthday card! You have AMAZING handwriting!
u/blacksmithequivalent thank you for the card and words of wisdom. I truly appreciate it! I also love the San Diego postcard :)
u/jubilanthello thank you for the cute ratatouille postcard!
u/due-celebration-9463 thank you for the birthday card and adorable cow stickers!
u/shamy52 thank you for the cute card!
u/sufficient_letter883 thank you cute card and awesome cat and cow stickers!
u/shouldbeteaching oh my goodness the envelope, the card, the plastic covering.. GORGEOUS! Thank you so much for the beautiful card!
u/boomer1717 thank you for the awesome postcard!
u/cheeneebobeanie thank you for the postcards, stickers and washi tape samples!
u/blkunicornhero thank you for the awesome postcard!
u/haikusbyka thank you for the adorable card!
u/inkyfingerspgs thank you for the cute card card and stickers!
u/thecaledonianrose thank you for the cute card and stickers!
u/sable__ thank you for the awesome meowgical unicorn cat postcard and stickers!'
u/shishido_09 No way! u/sable__ sent me the same postcard! for as long as I can remember I have always received 2 of the same card for my birthday! Thank you!
u/tyedyeamish thank you for the cute card!
u/earthfireairwater love the cow stamp! Thank you for the postcard and I had cake for my birthday! Every year I have a coconut Pepperidge Farm cake, delicious!
u/misosoup_13 thank you for the cute postcard!
u/kimmylubs thank you for the cute card and flower notepad!
u/wickedma thank you for the beautiful card and stickers!
u/kaposia thank you for the birthday postcard!
u/bucketresidence thank you for the cow postcard!
u/hispanglotexan thank you for the cute card card and stickers! I love how mama cat followed you home and that you now have her and one of the babies <3
u/sneaku thank you for the cute postcard!
u/daeneryswon thank you for the cute card and stickers!
u/ninajyang love the card and cat eating cake with the lady!
u/talkingishard33 thank you for the hilarious cake boxing card!
u/melhen16 thank you for the card and cute stickers!
u/keqani thank you for the Niagara falls postcard!
u/relax455 thank you for the awesome card, postcard and bookmark!
u/travel4me22 oh my goodness!! Thank you for the amazing homemade cow card! I love it!! <3
Unknown username - thank you for the cute cat card and pusheen stickers! love it <3
Unknown username - thank you for the cute 3-D cupcake card :)
Unknown username - Thank you for the nice bright green birthday card <3
Unknown username - You wrote osisi mmetuta on the card... I absolutely love all of the stamps especially the one you stuck to the back of the card! The quotes are great and I appreciate all of the little goodies you included in the card.

If I’ve made any mistakes, let me know! Here’s a mod list before the long, typo-infested, rambly bits!
u/lonelytwatwaffle (x3)
u/Jane_Q
u/JaimeKJ
u/kittycatcon
u/babyraspberry (x6)
u/bluedecemberart (x5)
u/comingtogetyoubabs (x5)
u/constructionlower549 (x7)
u/cswl (x6)
u/DoraDoodle (x4)
u/ez330 (x4)
u/isar-love
u/Jdoodle7 (x4)
u/jvanct88 (x2)
u/korewrites (x2)
u/libertyprogrammer
u/LeeElla
u/mikepenpal6 (x5)
u/mlks00 (x2)
u/monetmonkey
u/mydinosaurdidit (x8)
u/onelittlericeball (x4)
u/pinkpengin (x7)
u/TigerLady13 (x4)
u/travel4me22
u/umeshufan (x14!)
I’ll start this with a huge apology. It was never my intention to take so long on my break or to post a thank you for all the amazing mail you’ve been sending. A few months were super… not stellar, and I just kind of wanted to hide under a rock so I wouldn’t bother anyone until I could feel a bit more like myself, and with all of that, you guys have just been the sweetest. I got so many sweet messages checking in and felt so loved despite the fact that it’s taken me half a year to get back on here. Thanks for all your patience with me. You guys are the absolute greatest! <3
An additional thanks to u/pinkpengin for sending a card basically inviting me to come back to the cool kid’s table to play this week! :D
Allsssooo also, I wrote half of these in January if any of them are odd, and I’ve also not detailed the cards that have been sent to family members as I didn’t read them myself, just added them on my count here, and sorry if the formatting is a bit wonky. I'm copying this from a document, so I might edit if it's terrible.
To start, I received a fun Meet-Up card from some now irl friends on here! Thank you guys! I really wish I could have made it to this one:
u/lonelytwatwaffle (x3)
u/Jane_Q
u/JaimeKJ
u/kittycatcon
u/babyraspberry (x6), You sent such happy mail with your world postcard day envelope! I love the picture of a beach in Portugal. It makes me want to take a vacay ASAP! I also loved the fun little fact you put about the Peach Springs, AZ USPS! So cool! You also included cute star cut-outs, a little packet of stickers, and washi on what looks like a fun space cat playing card! I’m seriously giddy to get to the pic!
Thank you so much for the sweet hot cocoa and New Year’s card you sent! You also included a pretty saguaro cactus card and lovely pastry scrapbook paper, because you’re so thoughtful like that! I love how pretty every single envelope and card is that you send! I’m also excited to hear that you’re getting settled into the new(er) place a bit more! I hope you had a great time with the family visits!
Oh, my goodness, the wintery cards you sent my way were just stunning! I really liked hearing about your walk on the frozen lake and what an adorable “Cake of Friendship” recipe! The stamp stickers are always just the perfect colotheme, too! It always gives me heart eyes!
u/bluedecemberart (x5), Your Halloween card was adorable! You made it even cuter with the stickers. You mentioned “catching up on mail someday”........... Lol! You sent me about 50 cards to my…. ahem… completely non-existent ones. You’re a treasure, friend!
Thank you so much for my massive care packet of cards in an envelope that was just the cutest, with cats and Totoro stickers! It was beautiful! Every single bit in the envelope was so thoughtful!
You sent a “You’ve Got Mail” postcard, which reminds me… I should rewatch that movie someday so u/comingtogetyoubabs can stop laughing at the fact that I mix up all the Meg Ryan/Billy Crystal movies. I can’t be the only one… or maybe I am?!
You also sent the cutest envelope and added little address cardstock labels to add some zest to my envelopes along with so many cute stickers of cats, dogs, and squirrels! So sweet! I really loved the “Support Your Local Librarians” sticker! We are so lucky to live close to a very nice library with super active librarians who really care about the community, and it breaks my heart that they’re being given extra nonsense to add to their worries right now. :(
I especially love the card that has “You can do anything! Just not Everything” on the front. What a perfect reminder. You are so caring and thoughtful, and I’m so thankful for you!
u/comingtogetyoubabs (x5) How do you always find the perfect cards and things to say?! I love the whole envelope filled with citrus-themed cards, stickers, washi, all of it! Your puns were cracking me up! You even made the address label with little lemons! Super cute!
Then you also sent cards that were bee-related and stickers galore! I’m pretty sure that’s the first cat bee return label I saw in-person! They are adorable!
You sent a fun fall card with such pretty watercolor animals on it! The little hedgie sticker matches perfectly! It’s giving me heart eyes! Thank you, m’dear!
u/constructionlower549 (x7) Ugh, your holiday postcards are always so cute! I love the pic with you and the pupper (both smiling) on the front! It’s seriously so sweet and happy! I also loved the sweet card you sent with the New Year’s plans/updates. It’s seriously been entirely too long since I’ve sent an update! I definitely agree… Christmas is a bit overwhelming for me every year, tbh. I always look forward to the New Year knowing that we’ve made it through another hectic season of cooking/visits/everything! XD I always feel like I drop so many balls and last year was one of the biggest times I’ve done that. I didn’t even send holiday cards last year. :/
What a cool Starbucks postcard! I had no idea they even had postcards, but I love the gold and white on this one! The sparkly purple pen you used on it is just chef’s kiss perfection! Thank you!
I loved hearing about your bday trip! It sounds like such a fun adventure! I know you mentioned you did a lot of HUGE things, but I saw, “hung out by the pool,” and for some reason that part was the bit that I was like, “WHOA! WHAT?! IN FEB?! …living her best life by going somewhere beautiful!” XD
Then I got the most cards (I really, really love the hydrangea ones) with backstories from some of the postcards you sent! <3 I loved hearing about your dog-sitting adventure! Ugh, I need to send you a recipe for ice cream when you’re there next time! It’s blueberry pie-flavored, and it’s basically the only one I make in the summers, though I haven’t made it for a few summers now. I was laughing at the “behind-the-scenes” stories from your trips! It’s so funny catching up with people from school, especially when they’ve become parents! It almost feels like a secret club sometimes, knowing things about them but only discussing it in front of kids basically in code language! XD Oh! You asked at the end… I think the postcard lady would definitely be the highest contender for my demise! Lol! I’d totally take an entire litter of rabid cats over her! :D
u/cswl (x6), Thank you for the lovely Halloween card with the glittery witch skirt and the little cat on a walk! So cute! Our cat actually loves taking walks on his harness, but it’s been too cold to go out with him recently, and our old sweet old man of a dog thinks it’s a bit of a pain to go out on big walks now too. Can’t wait for spring! (I wrote this part of your thank-you in January! Spring has been nice indeed!)
The school supply postcard is so cute! I love LouPaper designs and the little rounded edges! The bright rainbow colors on it is just so happy! <3
Such a great “M” card made out of mustaches, too! Very cool design!
What a cool Veteran’s Day card you sent my way! I haven’t seen very many for the holiday, so it was super fun to get one! Thank you!
I also liked your secret “Walt Whitman” card. I have been wondering how work has been going for you. I have done some “extra” work tidying myself at old jobs when I’ve been feeling less than good about them myself.
It was also fun hearing about the 2 festivals in one weekend… was super happy you didn’t have to cook that weekend! That’s kind of a mini-vacation in itself!
u/DoraDoodle (x4), You sent such a pretty Halloween card as well as such adorable cats in costume stickers! They were so sweet! You even finished off the card with a tiny skull and crossbones stamp on the back. Your attention to detail makes everything so perfect! I always love seeing how you perfectly coordinate the papers to make such nice designs!
We all loved your gorgeous handmade Christmas card! It was displayed with the ones we received from family! I definitely missed out on the fun and didn’t send a single holiday card last year. :(
Oh, my goodness, I loved getting your beautiful watercolor card from your trip. That is actually one of our family’s bucket list places! Were you able to catch the Northern Lights while there? I hope you were treated with a lovely view!
u/ez330 (x4), I loved the colorful tulip card you sent and hearing about what had been happening with you. Thank you for checking in with me! You also included such sweet stickers, one of a corgi cupcake that I absolutely adore! Our dog is red with the cute Dorito ears like a corgi, so I’m a little partial to those types of breeds because of him! <3
Oh, my goodness, how was your trip to the National Postal Museum?! My grandma was a retired postmaster, and I think she would’ve loved traveling there! I hope you had the best time!
I loved getting your sweet flower heart postcard too! Thank you so much for caring and sending notes my way. You’re so thoughtful!
What a gorgeous handmade Valentine’s Day card! The light aqua blue with red were actually my wedding colors, so every time I see them together, it just makes me smile! Thank you for thinking of me! It made my day!
u/isar-love, I loved your dragonfly postcard! I love learning differences in language and I really think “dragonfly” is much prettier in yours! My son has a book about bugs from close-up views, and the dragonfly picture is on the cover! I always thought that photograph was especially pretty! He’s terrified of bugs now, unfortunately, but every time I see a dragonfly now, I think of when he first asked if they were actual dragons as a preschooler, and I thought it was just so cute!
u/Jdoodle7 (x4) Thank you so much for sending such sweet cards my way to check on me! My birthday card was just so pretty, and I really like how you did the washi on a diagonal. It really set off the envelope! You even have birthday return address labels, and I just absolutely adore them!
I have out another card you sent recently, the one mentioning Monty Python! Oh, my word! I am so excited to meet someone who gets my references now! :D Poor E, I had to introduce him to it years ago when he mentioned he’d never seen it (can you believe it?!), but now he grudgingly chuckles or rolls his eyes when I quote it in passing!
u/jvanct88, Thank you so much for the super pretty I’m thinking of you card with a holo cat silhouette! I loved getting the life updates! Just so you know, I can’t use the tea you sent because the little packets are so cute! Oh, they’re in with my tea, yes, but only for showing off the cute designs on display! :) Thank you! <3
u/korewrites (x2), thank you for the postcards you’ve been sending my way! I liked hearing about your travels to visit friends. The place you went in January sounds particularly exciting! I hope you had the best time catching up with them!
u/libertyprogrammer, thank you for the lovely card with the super fun stamps on them! What a good idea to send it before the price increased (again), too! The stickers match the pretty dusty rose color of the envelope and I love how you made the card inside with such cute Snoopy washi! It is so good hearing from you! Oh, I might have mentioned in the last post, but I have finished all of your book recs, and I was absolutely blown away by one series in particular! Kind of bouncing up and down over the fact that a certain author has new author pics!!! Did you see?! I know everyone online is saying not to get our hopes up, so OF COURSE MY HOPES ARE SKY HIGH that we get a new book ASAP! :D I can’t believe there are some people who have been waiting for decades when I’ve only been excited for a few months!
u/LeeElla, thank you for the sweet card with the cherry blossoms and cute washi and stickers! I loved getting to hear about your travels. I feel like my family and I will start doing a small bit more of that this year finally, and I love hearing where others have been!
Also, your writing is lovely!
u/lonelytwatwaffle, I loved hearing about your beach trip! What a nice getaway! My family took trips there when I was little. I think it was maybe the first time I saw the ocean! It sounded like such a nice, relaxing time! I hope you had a blast!
u/mikepenpal6 (x5) I loved your purple Halloween card with the pumpkin and owl! What pretty scrapbook paper in the background, too! You always find the most festive and adorable carding supplies!
What a gorgeous handmade Christmas card! I love how glitzy it is with the little rhinestones and all the cute stickers and washi you used! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas!
Ooh, I loved hearing about the concert you saw! That would’ve been so incredible! I’m super jealous and also really excited that you could go! I saw that one of my faves is going to be about 2 hours away from me very soon, so I went on the ticket site to buy them. E said that I definitely should, but I told him, “Meh, it’d be way past my bedtime.” lol I’m such an old lady now.
Your handmade Valentine’s Day card was absolutely stunning! I always love seeing the cute little gemstone stickers ppl use! I actually didn’t do a ton for this Valentine’s Day. I usually bake for our littles, make them a heart-shaped pizza for dinner, and cook something for E that he likes, but this year, our tiniest got covid (on my birthday! boo!), so we were all sick by Valentine’s Day, and we basically stayed at the house for the rest of the month to make sure we didn’t spread the joy to anyone else. Yuck! I really am glad you were able to do fun things and enjoy the weather with the family!
u/mlks00 (x2), Thank you so much for the sweet Christmas card you sent to the fam and me, especially with the handmade snowflake! How cool! I feel like I haven’t done those in too long. Have you seen the ones you can print online with Star Wars characters snuck into the designs?! They look so cute!
I always love getting your check-ins and updates! I really like this “hello” card stationery too! How classy! I hope you’re doing well, friend!
u/monetmonkey- Oh, what an adorable avocado holiday card! Thank you! Not only that, but you included such cute stickers with a sweet fox and snowy day scene! I loved all of it as well as how you decorated the inside of the card with the diagonal washi. Such a cool effect!
Of course I loved the fun stamps, especially the Maine Coon one! Our kitkat isn’t quite as massive as that, but he’s close, at over 7.5 kg/17ish lbs!
Loved the way you addressed the envelope vertically, too! It really made it stand out!
u/mydinosaurdidit (x8) You sent such happy mail to me last FALL (it’s been way too long since I’ve been here), and it was just so touching that you thought of me for it. It’s beautiful, thoughtful, and I was so taken aback at your generosity! Know that I have it set out for my next project now! I’ve been waiting to make something with it for the summer, and I’m so excited! I’ll send pics when I get it finished! I’ve had a pattern I’ve been wanting to make, but I’ve not had the right materials…until now, and the fact that it’s sentimental is just the cherry on top!
Oh, you gave me ideas for my bullet journal by sending me a sample-type page, and I really like how you have it set up! I’ve been book journaling a bit more lately and still use a bullet journal for my busier months, but I’ve been converting most of the dates to a wall calendar and still using a bullet-style on there for the tasks. It’s so helpful!
What a pretty holiday card you sent with tea and everything! I loved the adorable little paper stars to match the color of the font, and the message made me laugh!
I got the sweetest check-in card from you, typed and everything. It made me a bit teary-eyed. You even included journaling pages and stickers. You are so thoughtful, friend. A few months there were super not super, and I just kind of wanted to hide, and there you were telling me it was okay to just exist. You’re an absolute treasure. <3
Then you sent a kitty postcard with “You’re alive!” on it, and I burst out into laughter! It made me think of Schrödinger's cat, and it just made me ridiculously happy on top of it just being so freakin’ adorable! Thank you, friend!
Such a cool state card you sent! I like the ones with the different flowers/flags/birds on them to see how many I remember from my fourth grade class! :D We visited our state capitol building (where I lived growing up) during school, and the only part I remember was being so nervous that I’d be too loud walking around the halls with the echo-y marble floors… and then I suddenly stopped fretting over that when I realized how slippery the stone made the stairs and imagined falling down them making way more noise than walking funny ever would. XD I was a nervous child… glad I’m not anymore….ummm :D
Thank you for the sweet birthday wishes as well! You handmade a gorgeous pop-up card with a rainbow quilt, and it just blew me away!
The second (!) kitty postcard you made with all the rainbow writing/washi/stickers was just so happy! It made me smile!
u/onelittlericeball (x4), thank you so much for the gorgeous cards you send! I always love seeing your handwriting and the pretty washi/sticker combos you use!
I really liked getting updates on things that have been going on with you lately. It's so nice hearing from you, and I have your latest in my "reply ASAP" stack now!
u/pinkpengin (x7) The fam loved our cute black cat purpley Halloween card! The Halloween donut washi you have is top notch!
Your Jane Goodall Institute card is so cool! She’s one of my heroes (as are you, of course)! I actually bought this little amigurumi book where you could make little feminist icons, mostly because one of the characters is her! I digress… Okay, so as of that card, you had 22 kitters… have there been any more foster fails since then (bc I can absolutely say I’d be such an enabler about that! I nearly got another one myself last month)?
Oh, what a cute little fox riding a bike! I think these notecards are just adorable! You absolutely did not need to write a thank-you, but of course you’re just super sweet and thoughtful like that, and it made me smile! :)
Your sweet holiday card was displayed with the family cards we received this year, and it was so cute! Thank you! We all really enjoyed it. Maybe I’ll get my act together by winter and send some myself this year?! Here’s to hoping!
You also sent such a sweet Valentine with two additional mini cards inside! You are so thoughtful. The envelope was so pretty with how you decorated it! I think Valentine’s Day might be my favorite holiday… I don’t really do anything to celebrate other than baking, but I think that’s maybe why I like it! It’s low stakes! :D
You also sent an extra special holiday card VERY recently… but I’ll be commenting on that one elsewhere. ;)
u/TigerLady13 (x4), I really loved the Christmas card you sent! The stamps were so cute on the envelope, and the Santa in the woods feeding apples to the horses were so just so pretty! Thank you so much!
You have been sending such sweet cards my way! Thank you! My birthday cards were so super sweet. Both were decked out with the cutest washi and stickers galore! You are so very thoughtful! I really like the envelopes! They both had ribbon streamers on the insides of them! How festive!
u/travel4me22, thank you for the fun Blue Ridge Parkway postcard saying hello and checking in! That was so thoughtful! I hope your year has been great so far!
u/umeshufan (x14!) Your pop-up llama card (so cute!) along with an additional note was so cute to get! I really liked the signatures that you and a family member added to it! It was from 15 Nov, so I had the biggest smile reading about a recent event that happened there! <3
The Christmas card you sent made me laugh! I’ve seen shirts with that sentiment on motorcycle drivers, and to see it on the back of a reindeer was just the absolute best! XD You find the most hilarious cards! I definitely need to up my card game!
Thank you so much for the beautiful cards from all your travels over the past 6 months as well as sending notes to other family members! You have been to so many places already this year, and it’s always fun getting to live vicariously through your descriptions of each place!
The NZ sheep postcard is adorable with the little sheep, and I loved hearing about each stop along the way. The “Where’s Wally/Waldo?” one is extra cool! Thank you for sharing it with us! You’re always so thoughtful!
Oh! One of the cards you sent from NZ had another person added to the card, and I don’t know if I’m mentioned, but I think their handwriting is just beautiful! I especially like their A’s! That was so sweet hearing from them as well!
During one of your trips, you were in the same time zone as I was, and I was so excited to get FOUR cards from there! It was so fun getting cards that arrived so very quickly! I always love seeing The Snooty Bookshop cards! They’re hilarious!
You also sent 6 cards just last month, completely putting me to shame! I have them out for a reply just as soon as I pick up some different cards from the store. I think part of my extra long hiatus has made me not want to dig out the perfectly fine old cards I had but start fresh… capitalism at its finest, I suppose… :/
Thank you for sending so many cards to the family over the past half year as well. Your cards always brighten our day! You’ll be getting some replies from E soon, too. He’s not been on RAoC recently either, so I’m adding some of his on my post for him.

In the "Our Trader Joe's Eggs Hatched" vlog at the 11:45 mark, she shows a cupcake tray full of 6 different snacks - vegetable sticks, strawberries, dried cherries, cheese, grilled cheese cut outs, etc...and she said the following quote: "A cute displayed lunch like that is very rare...I wish I could do that for every meal, but I don't have the time or the energy". WTF???? She doesn't have the time? She doesn't have a job. She is home ALL day. She DOESN'T HAVE THE TIME!?!?!?!? TO FILL A 6-CUPCAKE TRAY THING FULL OF FOOD FOR HER CHILDREN...children she says she would "DO ANYTHING FOR"...? You know what she won't do? Spend 7 minutes making her kids lunch every day. She's so friggin' lazy she can't make lunch for her children on a daily basis...because she doesn't have the TIME OR ENERGY.
REMEMBER, she has liked to CLAIM she is a "FULL TIME mom"...a FULL TIME mom would be making her kids meals each and every day. Not saying she doesn't have time or energy.
Let's review:

1. She does not work and is home all day.
2. She has a husband who also does not work and is home all day.
3. She has a nanny.
4. She postmates her food to her house so she does not have to go grocery shopping.
5. She has packages delivered by amazon.
6. She has landscapers to take care of her yard for her.
7. By her own admission, she is not cleaning her house and leaves messes everywhere.

She talks like she is a surgeon who is away from home for 16 hour shifts who walks into the house exhausted...she doesn't have the time or energy...TO DO THE BASIC DUTIES OF BEING A MOM...A ROLE SHE WANTED TO BE SINCE SHE WAS A CHILD.
How any working parent can watch this and not be infuriated by her claims that she's just too busy to do basic parenting tasks is insane...heck, how anyone in general with eyes and ears can't be infuriated by that claim is nuts. She has time and energy to friggin' polish goddamn rocks all day, to laboriously sort them by color and make a color-striated circle out of them to take a photo of them, to make complicated escape rooms and scavenger hunts, BUT SHE CAN'T MAKE A VARIED LUNCH FOR HER CHILDREN. Her lack of self-awareness about what she is saying to the camera is bloody insane. Her lack of PRIORITIES is insane that she doesn't see that it's a FAR HIGHER PRIORITY to feed her children nutritious varied foods each day THAN IT IS TO POLISH GODDAMN ROCKS EVERY DAY.
She's not making filet mignon here...she's talking about vegetable sticks, fruit, grilled cheese cut outs...smh. She's a piece of shit of the highest magnitude to make claims like that.
She also makes a sandwich for herself on a paper plate. Because I guess she can't be bothered with dishes either. Despite all the faux environmentalism she talks about here and there. There's zero effort on her part about anything other than her own ego. Her children's nutrition, the environment, etc...nope, she's too tired and self-involved to give a shit about any of that. EVERYTHING she does is performative to show the camera. EVERYTHING. She is the definition of a narcissist who literally stares at her reflection in a lake all day while the world passes by around her.

To be honest here, it doesn't matter how it will turn out, even is not everything is perfect i will never forget the passion, hardwork and everything that has gone into making this series. 😍😍😍
This is my most loved Priest adaptation. It still feels a bit surreal that i am able to see a Priest work being adapted with such boldness, transparence and defiance...
They have taken one of Priest most controversial and thought provoking story.....
Priest has a very unique and concise way of representing the world and sometimes it may be hard for some to swallow. Her writing is a reflection of how difficult life truly is. Reading her novels feels like ripping out the rose-tinted glasses and making me able to rethink my ways of looking at or living my life. She has such a unique writing style. It took me about one year to get into her novels but once i got into it. 🥹🥹🥹 ...it felt chatartic 😱😱😱 and the production team of the series managed to give the series a similar feeling..... This is the biggest compliment that i can give to a series.
Priest works aren't just BL novels, they are pure art 😊😊😊 and while Guardian and Word of honor potential were hindered by censorship, we can see through Unknown exactly how great her adaptations can be if they reach their full potential.
If Youku don't releases the rest of the "Justice in the dark" eps, i will go to China and burn it down 😤😤😤. Winner is king and Immortality are rumored to slip through the cracks next month. I know it might seen far- fatched but being that their NRTA license is expiring, things might change....😆
Priest characters always gets under my skin, and they do it slowly and cleverly, to the point that when i realise it, i was already deeply enthraced by them....This is how the series feels as well.
The Qian and Yuan that we see in the series are not the same exact Qian and Yuan that one would picture while reading the novel.....but for some reason the series made me fall i love with the original characters even more.....
The series feels like an extension to the novel to some degree, equally good, but both different and special in it's own....
I only had this feeling with a few BLs: Utsukushii Kare, Untamed, Justice in the dark and Old Fashion Cupcake......
My personal opinion is that we own this to the actors, them reading the source material and doing their utmost best to stay true to how the characters are in the source material even if their characters don't do and say the same things that they say in the novel. Only doing this would be able to explain the way their portrayal, the way their characters look, the way they react, talk and behave would make me think that this is how i picture them do or say even of they aren't exactly the same 😍
To quote u/ Rivsmama ( yes, i read your comment while writing for this post 🥺🥹🤗) this series is not only one of the best BL out there. It's beyond a BL 🫠🫠🫠

I had no idea I was talking to a dead body.
Jasper Carrington was the type of guy I thought I’d never meet. His grin was sweet and a little crooked, a mop of brown curls he kept playing with, and eyes I swore were filled with fireflies.
Dressed in a long trench coat, his style was endearing, a short sleeved shirt and skinny jeans. I wondered if this guy was trying to cosplay Sherlock Holmes.
I was trying to drown my thoughts of bad test scores and a barista job I hated, when he popped out of nowhere, plonking down a fresh drink in front of me. I did see him a little before when I was heading to the bathroom. Pushing through the crowd, I was scanning for the ladies, when I saw him. He was sitting with two others, their heads pressed together in deep conversation.
His companions looked like they were close to him. The girl was a willowy brunette hiding under a straw hat, while the guy reminded me of a grown up Percy Jackson, a scowling freckly blonde who kept snapping at him to pay attention.
I caught his wandering gaze, mid eye roll, and the crowd around me seemed to disappear, the 80’s ballad I had been swaying to dulling to a low murmur.
Maybe I had been drugged, I thought, dizzily.
The world wasn't supposed to stop, reality coming to a halt. It was like being plunged underwater. For a moment, there was just me and the boy with fireflies in his eyes. I thought I was seeing things, caught in a dizzying lull of post-reality.
I was transfixed, my body still swaying back and forth.
I was seeing things, surely.
Nope.
This guy had fireflies dancing in his pupils, tiny balls of yellow light, almost like fairy dust.
I tried to look away. I mean, I did, and the world resumed around me.
The song had changed, a loud thrum of drum and bass rattling my ears.
I risked another look, and this time Firefly was staring at me, his lips pricking into a smile. The sandy blonde noticed, grumbling something, and he twisted back around, downing his drink so fast the girl hit him playfully.
I watched the three of them, intrigued by their dynamic.
They acted like siblings, shoving each other and arguing over who was getting the next drinks. But they seemed close. Closer than friends.
When Firefly leaned his head into the sandy blonde guy, comfortably burying his face in his friend’s shoulder, I half wondered if they were something more.
I lost interest when my mind started getting a little foggy.
Fast forward an hour, and he was slumping into the seat opposite me, sliding over a fresh drink. I twisted around to see his friend's reaction, but they seemed to be having a drinking competition. From the look of it, the girl was winning. Firefly didn't even introduce himself, instead leaning forward, a playful quirk in his brow.
“Did you know I used to solve mysteries?”
His words immediately intrigued me, pulling me from suffocating brain fog.
I found myself transfixed by the lights in his eyes, tiny golden fireflies dancing around his iris. Maybe they were contacts, I thought. He definitely seemed like the type of guy who wanted attention. I wouldn't put it past this Sherlock wannabe to be wearing funky contacts that automatically caught eyes.
Still though, his odd way of sliding into my life was endearing.
I took the drink, coasting the glass across the table with my index.
“Oh, yeah?” In the corner of my eye, Firefly’s friends were definitely watching us– or watching him. “What kind of mysteries?”
He opened his mouth, before I cut him off.
“You have glowing dots in your eyes.” I said. “Is that like… a condition?”
“Jaz.” his smile widened, and I found myself liking it.
“Huh?”
“My name.” He offered his hand. “Jasper Carrington. Also Jaz.”
Instead of shaking his hand, I gave him an awkward high five.
“Freddie.” I said. “You didn't answer my question. What kind of mysteries?”
Jaz shrugged, his chin coming to lazily rest on his fist. “I dunno. I've been solving mysteries since I was a little kid.” he offered me a shoulder shake.
“All kinds, I guess. We actually saved our town when we were fifth graders.”
Nodding along, I took another drink, wincing at the burn at the back of my throat. I wasn't expecting vodka.
Leaning forward, I sucked my teeth. “Soo, you were like a wannabe Nancy Drew?”
Jaz scoffed. “More like Scooby Doo.”
I twisted behind me, eyeing his friends.
Sandy Hair was trying to get up to stretch, and the girl was snoozing in his lap. The two were bickering, the girl mumbling something about her body getting tired, and him calling her a lightweight.
When he hovered his drink over her head, she squeaked, rolling off of his knees. “I'm up!” she shrieked behind me, her voice caught in a giggle. “Why do you have to resort to violence?”
His laugh was light. I caught the tinge of a British accent. “Mate, you were the one who fell asleep in my lap.” he downed the rest of his drink, almost dropping it when she shoved him. Hard.
“That's not an excuse to pour a drink on me!”
“Okay, yeah. But did I actually pour a drink on you?”
“That doesn't matter! You were going to.”
“Exactly.” The guy said. “I rest my case.”
Jaz groaned when the girl shoved Sandy Hair (again) hard enough to knock him off his chair.
“You're insufferable.” the Brit grumbled, stumbling to his feet.
The girl laughed, offering him a hand. “And you're not?!”
Turning away from their back and forth, I couldn't resist a smile. Jaz looked done with both of them, hiding behind his own drink like they were embarrassing him. “I’m guessing those two are your mystery solving pals?”
“Peter and Sunny?” He pulled a face. “More like my Shaggy and Scooby.”
He made me laugh again. “And… your Daphne?”
His expression crumpled. There were rare moments when the real him started to bleed through. I noticed his fingers tightening around his drink, eyes suddenly distant, like he was searching for their missing member. “I don't know,” he said, “I can't really find her.”
“Find her?”
He shrugged. “Yeah. She left us a long time ago. We haven't seen her since.”
It was getting harder to take this guy seriously. “And you guys caught bad guys?”
Jaz’s expression brightened. “Eh. Sort of, I guess?” he winked. “We started solving mysteries as kids. Small things, like… finding lost cats and missing vegetables. It was fun! We took down our druggie janitor, and even found a baby.”
He leaned back, “Then we grew up, and the world got darker, less of a playground. When we started high school, it became evident we had pissed off a lot of people. Our kindergarten janitor tried to kill us after we put him in jail when we were six, and Peter and Eve were almost butchered in his basement."
He scrunched up his nose.
"We were thirteen, already solving murders and finding kidnapped kids. It started to hit us that the town we wanted to protect was trying to kill us.”
Once again, the music and the chatter around me dulled to a low murmur, lights blurring together. It was just me and him.
Jaz slid his glass up and down the table, his mind clearly elsewhere.
“We were just kids. We thought we were doing good, you know? Helping catch bad guys. We had our own little gang. The four of us thought we were untouchable, that nobody could hurt us because we were young.” He caught my eye, his expression darkening.
It was only for a second, and I was still a little drunk, but I could have sworn his eyes were hollow, and I was staring directly into oblivion itself. Jaz sighed, tracing the rim of his glass with his index. His laugh was cold, like splintered ice.
“You’d be surprised how many townspeople would murder a group of kids to hide their corruption.”
I nodded, fully embroiled in his story. “Wait, so did the psychos in this town try to kill you?”
Jaz’s gaze wandered again. “Well, when we were kids, no. No matter how close we were to unravelling their corruption, they couldn't just kill a group of kids.” he tipped his head back, blowing a raspberry, “So, being a kid kind of protected us. I think the worst thing that happened to me as a child was being held hostage by a crazy old woman.”
I sputtered out a laugh. “You're not serious.”
His expression told me otherwise, scarlet cheeks and eyes that refused to meet mine. “Let me explain,” he said, quickly, motioning for me to stop choking. “So, we were eight years old investigating a case of missing carrots, and I decided to sneak into her house–”
I cut him off. “Did you just say missing carrots?”
Jaz wasn't laughing. “It's not funny.” He folded his arms, almost mimicking his little self, scrunching up his nose. “This old woman was a psycho. She meant business. I was dragged into her house and threatened with a World War Two grenade. I was just a kid, so I happily ate the cookies she offered me, but she was definitely a psychopath.”
I was in awe, trying to hold in my giggles. “Over carrots?!”
He nodded solemnly. “Award winning carrots.”
I don't think he realized how unintentionally hilarious he was being.
Jaz downed half of his drink. “But, like I said, nobody in our town was going to touch us when we were little kids. We could technically do what we wanted, and we did. The worst that could happen was being grounded.” he studied his glass, swirling the dregs around.
“When we grew up, it was a different story.” the guy leaned back with a sigh. “By the fifth grade, we were dipping our toes in crazier shit.”
“Like?” I prompted.
He avoided my gaze. “Uh, well, we were kidnapped a few times.”
“A few?” I teased him, and he rolled his eyes.
“Several times.” he coughed, awkwardly, running his hands through his hair.
“Several hundred times.” Peter corrected behind us, shooting me a grin.
“You're kidding.” I said.
Jaz pouted. “I actually learned the art of speaking through a gag.”
I was suddenly giddy, high on the idea of him as a little teen detective. “That's adorable!”
Jaz inched away from me like I was going to tug at his cheeks. “They captured me a lot,” he grumbled. “Sure, they liked terrorising us as a four, but I was always the damsel in distress who was dragged to secondary locations.”
Jaz caught my eye, scrunching his nose. “I know you want to laugh, but I was almost killed, like, multiple times.”
He was right, I was already choking on my drink.
“Those bastards really liked stringing me up in the sawmill,” he shooed away my hands when I teasingly grabbed him. “It's not funny! I'd get snatched by some freak on my way to school, and then I'd wake up hanging upside down.”
I couldn't help it. “Did all the blood go to your head?”
He stuck out his tongue, mimicking his younger self. “Maybe.”
This time, I laughed out loud, surprised by my own giggles.
Jaz curled his lip. “I’m struggling to find what you find so funny, Freddie. I was hanging upside down for hours.”
He raised his voice. “Thanks to someone!”
Peter twisted around, shooting him the finger. “We did come eventually!”
“Yeah, like five hours later!” Jaz shot back. He tutted. “Honestly. They're the worst. I would be ten seconds from being gutted, and those guys were sharing milkshakes in the coffee shop.”
“Ouch,” I said, trying to sound serious. “Any other mysteries you solved?”
He scoffed, his lips pricking into a smirk. “Oh, I'm sorry, is my childhood trauma not horrifying enough for you?”
I gave a shoulder shrug. “It's PG13 Stephen King at best.”
Jaz raised a brow. “I mean, it was,” he said, “Until our cases went from identifying vegetables, to identifying bodies.” His sudden change in tone snapped something inside my mind.
I was keenly aware of my drink creeping its way back up my throat in a sour paste.
“In the space of a year, townspeople were going missing, being brutally murdered, and our sheriff was an incompetent buffoon.” his eyes turned dark, “The first case that sent us to therapy was the case of bodies being found positioned like they were flying.”
The faraway look in his eyes sobered me up.
Fuck.
So, this guy wasn't kidding about his weird childhood.
I straightened up. “Flying?”
Jaz nodded. “Yeah. We called them angels.” he shook his head with a sigh, raking his fingers down his face.
“We were only thirteen! Like, dude, we were still in middle school. You can imagine what that does to a thirteen year old. There were three bodies, and all of them were little kids. We didn't know what we were doing, because this was adult crime now. We weren't investigating petty crimes anymore. I already knew we were out of our depth, that we were going to get ourselves killed.” Jaz’s eyes rolled over to his friend's, the two of them talking quietly.
“So, did you quit?” I asked.
“Quit?” he spluttered. “When a whole town expected us to save them from bad people?”
“That's a lot of weight on a kid.”
He laughed bitterly. “You think?”
“So, what you're saying is you were stubborn.” I said.
“Very.” Jaz winked, “Nah, we were scared, duh. But we thought that's what the town wanted. For us to save them.”
He sighed.
“We became… targets, I guess? The bad guys we caught when we were children wanted our heads on silver platters, and the corrupt townspeople we managed to expose, like our greedy money laundering sheriff for example, wanted to seal our mouths for good.”
Something ice cold prickled down my spine.
I could tell this wasn't Jaz’s story anymore. This had really happened, and from the vacant look in his eyes, it hurt him to recall it. I thought he was a stranger with an imagination. I thought he was cosplaying as an eccentric detective. Instead, this boy was trauma dumping. I felt bad for laughing earlier.
“You had a fucked up town, Jaz Carrington.” I said, stealing some of his drink.
“And a fucked up dad,” he muttered. “My stepdad was the Mayor, the king of corruption and master manipulator. Dad was the one pulling strings from the start. He drove my Mom to hang herself and then had the audacity to demand I call him my father. He controlled everything. So, it's not like I could run away.” Jaz’s smile was sickly.
“After I exposed him at our winter festival with the others, he locked me in my room for almost a week.” his gaze flicked behind me.
“Luckily, Peter came to my rescue, and I started sleeping in the back of his Dad’s van. It wasn't ideal,” he murmured, “It was freezing cold at night and sometimes the door would blow open. I had one blanket, and I couldn't warm myself up no matter how hard I tried. But hey, it was better than being stuck at home.”
I wasn't sure what to say. Part of me wanted to hug him.
“That's child abuse.” I whispered. “You were fifteen.”
“Mm.” he mumbled into his glass. “Not in our town.”
I tightened my fingers around my own drink. “And what town was this?”
Jaz didn't look at me, glaring down his glass. “I dunno. It was just a…town.”
“Uh-huh,” I nodded, “You don't even know the name of the place you grew up in?”
The boy rolled his eyes. “Does the phrase childhood trauma mean nothing to you?”
“Your dad was a monster, dude,” I said, leaning across the table.
He burped. “Indeed.”
“But…”
He made a pfft noise. “There's always a but.”
Ignoring him, I prodded the table. “You can't just forget the name of your town.”
“Chesterville.” he said, his frown deepening. “Wait, no, it was Middleview.”
“Those are two different towns.”
He shrugged. “Well, I remember two different names.”
Jaz prodded the table, tracing the grains. I found myself lost in the way he lost himself, his thoughts wandering, reliving his early teenage years. “Anyway, my dad sucked, sure. But that wasn't even our most fucked up case. By the time we were sixteen, our town was actively trying to kill us. We saved a little girl, only to find out her kidnapper was the son of our middle school janitor.” he sighed.
“It's almost like, the moment we stopped being kids, the floodgates opened and strangers were trying to murder us. Peter was drugged and thrown in the back of an Uber. He only got away because he managed to call me before he passed out. Sunny and Eve were almost butchered, and I narrowly missed getting my brains carved out.”
“How….?” I didn't even get to finish.
“Wood chipper.” Jaz’s mouth curled. “Did I mention we had a cannibalistic cult after us too?”
“You…didn't.”
I needed another drink.
I was starting to feel kind of nauseous.
“Yeah…” the boy groaned, tipping his head back. “So, this cult believed that we were the ones who fucked up the town by trying to save it, so they were convinced if they purify the four of us, then the town would be saved.”
He quoted the air, rolling his eyes. “Saved.”
I swallowed. “And by… purify...?“
“They had separate rituals planned for us,” Jaz said, his voice breaking a little.
“Eve and Sunny were supposed to be gutted, their entrails fed to the earth, like a sacrifice or a gift,” his gaze fell on the table, “Peter was planned to be fed through a wood chipper, and me?”
He slid over his empty glass.
“Guess.”
I caught it with my index. I wasn't sure I wanted to know.
“Uh… tied to a tree and stoned.”
“Worse.” Jaz’s grin was starting to unnerve me.
“They wanted me as a King.”
I must have looked horrified, because he made it worse.
“Well, they wanted my dead body as a King.” he leaned his chin on his fist.
“Apparently, they believed keeping my body intact was for the good of the town. Which is a whole other level of messed up.” he laughed. “We were just kids trying to fight corruption and this gang of eleven year olds were planning our final destination style deaths.”
I almost spat out my drink. “The cannibal cult was eleven years old?!”
He pulled a face. “Well, that's what we concluded. Peter found blood on a spoon when we broke into their tree house, so yeah. Definitely cannibals.”
I saluted him with my drink, too baffled to speak.
Jaz played with his glass, “Our worst case was probably the string murders. People were being found dead in piles of thread, like puppets cut from strings.” His eyes darkened, and I could see something inside, what he was trying to hide. “That was our last mystery, and we didn't even solve it.”
Jaz’s eyes flicked to his friends. He almost looked lost, tracing the rim of his glass. “It's not like we could continue.” he paused, his eyes flickering. “Our most valuable member left us. We were just kind of… stuck.”
He tapped the table in a slow beat.
“Stuck.” Jaz mumbled, staring straight through me. I’m not sure how to describe how truly helpless he looked, like he was still stuck, trapped with his abusive father. “With no… way out.”
Tap, tap, tap went his fingers on the table.
He slowly inclined his head, his eyes lost in oblivion. “I can't remember where she went,” Jaz whispered, “She was there, and then she was… gone.”
I reached for his hand, but he tugged away. “The other member?”
Jaz didn't respond, and it was like I was talking to a memory.
“I try to reach her, but she's too far away,” Jaz whispered, his voice breaking. “She… left us.” I noticed his hands clenched into fists. I had no idea how much this lost member meant to him. Maybe this person protected him from his father. “She left us alone, and it was so…” his head twitched suddenly, lips curling into a scowl.
“So fucking…dark.”
His eyes were lost, hollow caverns I couldn't find.
“So… cold.”
“Jaz.” I reached across the table, entangling my fingers with his.
Your town tried to kill you multiple times,” I said, gently nudging him. “They didn't deserve to be saved.”
His gaze snapped to me, suddenly, frightened.
“What did I say the name of my town was again?”
“Chesterville.”
His eyes saw right through me, lost, swimming in nothing.
“Right,” he breathed. “Chesterville.”
His fingers continued, tap, tap, tapping.
“What did I say my… name was?”
His eyes were suddenly wide, almost childlike.
The kid was frowning at me like I was a stranger.
“Jaz Carrington.” I spoke softly, resisting the urge to squeeze his hand.
The boy nodded, blinking slowly.
“Yeah. That's my… that's my name.”
“Are you okay?” I whispered, “Whatever happened back then wasn't your fault, Jaz. You were just a kid.”
Jaz snapped out of it, blinking rapidly, and I caught them again, the golden blur of fireflies swimming in his pupils.
The corners of his mouth twitched, like reality had hit him. He wasn't stuck anymore, he was in the present, moving forward. It was almost like he'd woken up from a long dream, his gaze lazily drinking me in, as if for the first time.
“Yeah,” his tone was surprisingly cold. “My town sucked.”
Leaning back, I held my breath. “Please tell me you got away from that place.”
He raised a brow. “I'm sitting here, aren't I?”
I wasn't sure all of him was.
With the night winding down, I took the opportunity to make a swift getaway.
His life was interesting, sure, but this boy needed a licensed therapist.
I served coffee for a living, and I was failing my classes.
Not exactly the best person to go to.
“It was nice meeting you, Jaz,” I said, my voice shaking. I moved to get up, only for him to pull me back down.
“Wait, you're leaving?”
“It's late. I should get home.”
His lips curved into a smirk. “Okay, but before you go…” He leaned forward, his breath surprisingly cold, tickling my ear. “Do you want to see my party trick?”
“Sure.” I said dryly, shoving him away.
He stood up, spreading his arms out like fucking Peter Pan.
“Watch!”
I don't know what I expected. This guy seemed pretty unhinged, but it's not like it was his fault. He was an adult man dwelling on some seriously messed up childhood trauma. I figured his party trick was a card game, or a stray pigeon flying out of his coat. When the warm glow of fireflies, that light I had somehow gotten used to, fizzled out suddenly, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, I realized he wasn't screwing around.
Jaz’s body flopped down, his head hitting the table with a thunk.
Like a puppet cut from its strings.
A hysterical screech started to build in my throat.
When I tried to pull his head up, I glimpsed pooling black stemming across the table, leaking from his nose.
Blood.
Blood, that was thick and congealing, a thick black paste oozing from every orifice.
By the time I was screaming, so was everybody else.
Panicking, I looked for Jaz’s friends, but they were gone.
The emergency services were called, and I stayed with his body, trying to ignore how wrong it felt in my hands.
His fingers felt rubbery, like his skin had been dead for days– not minutes.
A grey looking paramedic told me Jaz had died two days earlier from a suspected brain haemorrhage, and his name was not Jasper Carrington, or even Jaz. He was called Kai Bellows.
Which was impossible.
I felt numb.
Standing outside my car, my keys clenched in my hands, I was trembling.
When warm hands landed on my shoulder, I found myself face to face with a younger college guy with reddish brown hair, a letterman jacket hanging off his shoulder. I opened my mouth to cry out for help, before the kid broke out into a grin, rivulets of red pooling from his mouth. His grin didn't match the boy. This kid wasn't used to smiling, the skin of his face stretching, like he was made of plastic.
I lost my breath, my gaze finding tiny specks of golden light ignited around his iris.
Fireflies.
“What do ya think?” The boy’s voice was deeper. “Fucking cool, right?”
It took me a moment to realize the tiny specks of light inside his eyes was Jaz.
And the college boy was nothing more than his flesh puppet.
Every fibre of my being was telling me to run, and yet I was frozen.
Hypnotised by the fireflies.
Footsteps sounded, and I glimpsed his friends standing several feet away.
Sunny’s head was comfortably sandwiched in Peter’s shoulder.
Instead of responding to Jaz, I nodded to them.
“Are they like you?”
Jaz’s smile dimmed. “You’d be surprised how many townspeople would happily murder a group of kids.”
I dazedly watched my breath hit the air in clouds of white.
“They did kill you.”
He shrugged. “That's what we’re guessing.”
“Guessing?!”
“Yeah.” Jaz prodded his temple, “Like I said, we kinda have fucked memories.”
I watched Sunny wrap her arms around Peter, nuzzling her face in his neck.
“And… what exactly are you?” I risked a step closer to him, prodding his eye.
“A wanderer,” he said, “We’re just trying to find out what happened to us.”
I let my fingertips tiptoe across his cheek.
He was so cold, buzzing with electricity.
“But he is dead,” I said, stepping back. “The body you're inhabiting.”
Jaz chuckled, prodding me in the cheek.
“Jeez. You're making me sound like a body snatcher. I'm just a floater, dude.”
When I didn't respond, he sighed, tipping his head back, firefly eyes finding the sky.
“When we find out what happened to us, we'll leave.” His gaze tracked a star. “You know, find peace, or whatever.”
The first night I met Jaz, I saw him as nothing more than a lost soul.
Jaz was a Drifter, a being who failed to pass on with the ability to jump through others. He followed me home that night, and I woke to him making breakfast in my kitchen. Sunny was snoozing on my bedroom floor like a cat, and Peter was flipping through news channels trying to find evidence of their murders. The problem was, neither of them knew the exact name of the town.
Jaz didn't know who he was or why he was. All he knew was that he and his friends were murdered.
The three of them attached themselves to me.
Like parasites, but they didn't take over my body.
Instead, they kind of became housemates.
I didn't agree with their proposal at first, until Jaz suggested they take up chores while I was in class. In exchange for my hospitality and resources in helping them find their killers, the three of them cleaned up my mess of an apartment.
And they did a damn good job.
Sunny baked cupcakes and was obsessed with Netflix, while the boys set up their own mini detective office in my lounge, covering my walls with notes, scribbles depicting what they remembered. I would get home late, immediately tripping over whatever ‘evidence’ they managed to find.
The facts were:
1). Their fourth member was NOT dead.
2). They were murdered after they graduated high school.
3). Their murderer was definitely someone in town who they knew.
4). The three’s memories had been tinkered with. (example: Jaz’s inability to remember the name of the town, as well as confusion when they died. Sunny was insistent they were fifteen, while the boys were sure they were eighteen, after graduating high school).
Peter was sure the town was Middleview.
Jaz and Sunny were insistent on Chesterville.
It was almost as if they were remembering (or misremembering) two separate lives.
As days and weeks grew into months, I found myself getting closer to these wandering souls. They became less of a burden and more like genuine friends.
Peter stayed up most nights, glaring at the murder board.
I offered him coffee, and he accepted with a grateful nod. His eyes were a lot more prominent in the dark, brighter than the others. When he got bored with their mini investigation, he opened up about his own life. Peter was the fourth member of their detective gang, an ex private school kid, joining them in the fourth grade.
“I kind of forced myself into their group,” Peter admitted with a laugh.
I was intrigued. “Forced?”
“Yeah,” he sipped his coffee, resting his feet on the coffee table, “I heard about these kid detectives, and I wanted to join.” his lips curled into a frown, “I had no idea how psycho our town was.”
I nodded slowly. “But you don't…”
I trailed off, and he sat up with a sigh.
“Nope.” Peter set his coffee on the floor, the fireflies in his eyes dimming.
“I have no idea what happened to us,” he cocked his head. “Well, there is one thing.”
He stood up warily, striding over to the wall.
Peter prodded at their notes scrawled on the board, specifically where he'd written: STRING FACTORY.
“You think you died in a string factory?” I asked.
“No, that would be stupid,” he turned to me, rolling his eyes. “But I do think something definitely happened inside the string factory.”
I followed his gaze. “Do you have memories?”
“Nah.” Peter laughed, slumping back onto the couch. “Just a feeling.”
Sunny would sneak into my room during the night, hanging upside from the bottom of my bed. She would talk for hours about their childhood, the cases they used to solve. I learned more about their missing member. Eve.
The girl’s grin splintered when she mentioned Eve, before quickly changing the subject.
Sunny’s beaming was sweet, and in the pitch dark, the fireflies in her eyes ignited.
She flopped onto my bed, burying her head in a pillow. “Ooh! Can I tell you about the time I single handedly saved Noah on my very first day?”
Sitting up in bed, I peered at the girl.
“Noah?”
She lifted her head, warm eyes finding mine. I was still getting used to the whole, taking over a dead body thing.
“Hm?”
Did I hear her wrong?
“You said Noah.” I mumbled, half asleep.
Sunny chuckled. “Did I? Huh!” she tipped into her side. “Well, I meant Jaz.”
The girl did say it was an accident, and I believed her.
Slip ups happened all the time, especially with recently dead souls with scattered memories.
But then it happened again.
Subtle, but I heard it.
“Noah!” Peter was in the shower, shouting to his friend.
“Dude, you used all the shampoo!”
And then again.
Sunny, sitting in my car, nodding her head to music. The boys were grabbing food. I had found an unlikely best friend who was Sunny the wanderer.
She nudged me playfully, that name leaving her lips so effortlessly.
“Noah hates this song,” Sunny laughed, “Crank it up when he gets back in the car.”
Noah.
There it was again.
They told me it was insignificant, that it didn't mean anything.
However, I couldn't get this name out of my head.
Until I was standing in front of the boy’s murder board, a perma marker in my hand.
I added the name at the top with various townspeople and potential suspects.
NOAH (?)
I don't know why I thought this situationship would last forever.
Part of me forgot, or just suppressed what they really were.
Half a year after we started living together, I returned home from class to find them gone. They left everything, their mounting pile of evidence, as well as three dead bodies crumpled on my carpet. These people had been dead for months, their skin already rotting away.
The college boy who Jaz had taken over was already decomposing.
I had no idea how the drifters used human bodies, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know.
I called the police, insisting they just dropped dead.
Again, I was informed these people had been deceased for months. I was almost taken in for questioning, before a woman stepped inside my house and calmly told them I was telling the truth.
The woman didn't say anything, only slipping a scrap of paper in my hand.
On it, a number.
Written underneath in red pen: “Are you having problems with Strays?”
Strays.
I preferred to call them Drifters, not dogs.
Jeez.
Dumping the note in the trash, I tried to forget about the three wandering souls.
But I found myself standing in front of their murder board every night.
Why did they leave? Did they pass on finally?
Did they find their killer? And if they did, why didn't they tell me before leaving?
There was one name, apart from Noah, that continued to pop up in their notes. I don't even think they noticed.
Middleview.
There it was, in plain sight, highlighted in red and green, taped to each clipping.
Middleview High School.
Middleview Elementary School.
Middleview Mayor (Step-dad, also the devil.)
It was the last mention that sent shivers skittering down my spine.
Right at the bottom, scrawled in block capitals:
MIDDLEVIEW FOUR.
That was the last thing Jaz had written before they left.
I recognised his scrappy handwriting.
Middleview was definitely their mysterious town.
But no such town exists.
I should know, I searched for it until my eyes hurt.
And even if it did, wouldn't these murders make national news?
The String Murders.
Angel murders.
The beauty pageant contestants attacked with sulphuric acid.
Even the small cases from their childhood.
The crazy woman with the WW2 two grenade.
Their drug dealing janitor.
Even the missing baby.
I scoured the internet for hours, every online article I could find.
Nothing.
Not one mention on the news, no coverage whatsoever.
I spent days, and then WEEKS trying to figure this thing out.
Then it started to drive me crazy. When I threw a marker pen at my laptop, I knew it was time to get rid of it all.
So, I trashed everything, and went back to normal life.
All of my days blurred into one. I was sitting in class trying to concentrate, when the girl sitting next to me went limp, her head dropping. Then the guy sitting in the front row, his head slamming onto his desk. I was leaning over in my seat to see if they were okay, when warm hands rested on my shoulders.
He was gentle at first, swaying me back and forth, before wrenching my head back.
Liam Carlisle had been sitting behind me. Now, he was dead, his eyes lit up with fireflies. Jaz’s expression was different. Darker. His eyes were hollow.
“I've found my killer.” he said, before Liam’s body tipped off of his chair.
Cassie Eaton jumped up, her lips stretched into a maniacal cry.
“It was my dad!” she shrieked, blood pooling down her chin.
Cassie dropped, and Ryan Porter spun around, golden eyes burning.
“Can you believe it?” he whispered, spluttering through a sob.
“My fucking dad, dude! I mean, I knew he hated us, but murdering us?”
I was frozen, watching this thing tear his way through my class, student after student.
I watched their eyes light up, before fizzling out, their limbs twitching.
“Signing us over to a psychopath who turned us into… into…”
Ten students were on the ground, and Jaz was stumbling, struggling in a brunette’s body. He was crying, clawing at her hair.
“I was seventeen, man! Fucking seventeen!”
He was panicking, his breath coming out in sharp pants.
“My dad… he did this to us.” his lips split into a cry, “To protect himself.”
Jaz didn't leave me alone.
He jumped into random people passing by.
“And do you want to know the best part?” he choked out, following me, staggering in an old woman's body.
The old woman was too weak, crumpling to the ground.
When I got home, a little boy with golden eyes was leaning against my door.
“Don't ignore me.” he snapped.
Jaz’s eyes were twisted, riddled with insanity.
“I can't find myself,” the kid whispered, tugging on my shirt. “I can't find my body, Freddie. I can't find Eve. I can't find my fucking psycho dad– or even the town! I… try, and it's like I'm stuck!”
The words were leaving my mouth before I could stop them. “You're stuck?”
The boy nodded, sniffling. “Yeah. I can feel it sometimes. It's cold.” he shivered. I forgot he was just a fucking kid. “I'm so cold, and…and it's dark.”
“Describe it to me.” I told him.
The little boy cocked his head.
“Strings.” Jaz whispered, “I can just see… strings.”
I wanted to help him, but there was only so much I could do.
The boy’s town did not exist, and his murder was one giant question mark.
He was sure his father had killed him and his friends, but now, and why?
When I turned to walk away, he grabbed my hand.
“Peter.” Jaz said. “He says he's in the back of a car. But the car never stops.”
I held my breath, my eyes filling with tears.
“Can you help us?” Jaz’s voice broke. “Something bad happened to us, but I…”
He drifted off, thankfully leaving the kid with nothing but a nosebleed.
He wouldn't leave me alone, recklessly jumping from body to body to spite me.
Some of them survived, like my classmates.
He only took control for a little over a minute.
But it was with the ones he wanted to kill, tearing through people like they were puppets.
When he appeared in my mother’s body, purposely haemorrhaging her brain right in front of me because I wouldn't FUCKING LISTEN TO HIM, I went right back to that scrap of paper.
You might think I was being cruel, but this kid had murdered at least 8 people.
I watched him take over my mother, blood seeping down her chin, her skin paling.
Only to dive out of her like she was nothing.
A puppet.
I had to get away from him.
Officially, Jaz and his friends were called Strays. I called the number on the scrap of paper, and within ten minutes, men and women in white were crowding my house. I didn't watch them extract him from the body he was currently in. His screams of terror, of pure, childlike fright, were enough.
The process took fifteen minutes.
When they were finished, the body was carted away, and a man was holding a bell jar in front of my face. There he was.
Jaz Carrington was nothing but a single spark of golden light, a firefly.
“What do you do to them?” I asked a woman, before they left.
She answered me cryptically, reassuring me the recent Stray possession’s were being covered up by their service.
“Okay, but what do you do to them?” I demanded.
The door slammed in my face, and I was left feeling sick to my stomach.
A year went by, and I stopped fearing wanderers, or Strays. Life seemed to pick up. I found a boyfriend, and found myself pregnant, giving birth to a beautiful baby girl I named Carmella.
I was singing to my daughter one night, when she stopped crying abruptly, and I heard the sickening sound of her neck snapping, rivulets of red seeping through her lips. I felt my body freeze, before Carmella’s lips formed a smile.
“They take me apart,” my baby's babble twisted into something inhuman, something fucking terrifying. Carmella’s eyes shining with fireflies found mine, my baby's blood staining my hands. “They take me apart, and put me together, take me apart and put me together, take me apart and put me…”
I dropped my baby, but she was already dead.
“To… gether.“
My boyfriend was behind me, his breath grazing my neck.
“Do you know how painful it is?”
I was already fucking screaming, wailing for my baby.
“I spoke to her,” Jaz choked out a laugh, “And she didn't even know my name.”
The crunch of his neck snapping, his body flopping against mine, paralysed me.
“Noah.” his teeth gritted against my flesh, spitting venom. “Who the fuck is Noah? Why did she keep calling me that?”
He let me stumble forwards, before freezing in place.
There was so much blood. So much fucking blood.
I couldn't move.
“She plays with us,” Jaz’s voice was a soft whine, “Her Middleview Four.”
I started towards my baby, but he was already grabbing me, yanking me to him.
“I know who I am,” he said. “And I know where I am. I'm…somewhere.”
Dark.
Cold.
Alive.
“I think… “ he sputtered out a laugh, “I think I'm on strings.”
I was staring at a monster, a boy driven insane by what had happened to him.
My dead boyfriend's face contorted into his doll when I twisted around to stare at him, held in place by fireflies.
And you're going to help me find my body.”
…
edit: my baby is dead, my boyfriend is possessed by a psychopath, and I'm on the road searching for a town that does not fucking exist.
Please, for the love of god, help me.

I did not know that we would be spending so much money on a dessert. We are quoted at 1100 for a 3 tier cake which feeds about 75…we have 240 guests. What did you guys do? Cupcakes, multiple cakes?

Thank you all so much for sending me cards! This is the first time in over two weeks that I haven’t cried sad tears every day, and it is thanks to the lovely cards that I have been receiving. While it was probably the birthday that I’ve felt the worst mentally, the cards that I have been receiving have made my birthday unforgettable - I am so thankful for everyone taking the time out of their day to write and send me cards. It has brought me so much happiness and I can’t thank everyone enough.
Going to my mailbox and getting cards have been the highlight of my day. Truly the brightest part of my day, during this gloomy part of my life. The generosity and kindness of RAoC is truly mind blowing, this is by far the kindest community that I have came across, and I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for filing this empty void in my heart. I feel so much better and I don’t think I could feel this way without this subreddit.
u/resident_cow_8676 I hope I am still the first person to give you a thank you, and hope you get your well deserved flair! Thank you so much for your beautiful card and note. I cried reading it as it explained my situation so well, it was so encouraging to me. I have been reading it every time I feel down and it really does bring me some comfort. Thank you also for the strawberry!! I would love to write back - I do have to pick up some cards, so the chance I get to, I will reach out :)
u/TyeDyeAmish Thank you so much for the birthday card and birthday wish! Though I wish my birthday could’ve been better, I am hopeful that my next one will be great. As you said, time will resolve all!
u/rennbrig I was already so excited to open the envelope when I noticed the notorious RBG stamp, and let me say it did not disappoint. Wow what a beautiful card!! I stared at it for a couple of minutes before even reading just to admire it. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, I definitely needed the reminder that life is not a race! I definitely need to make more of an effort to remind myself of that sometimes. I also love American Dad, which reminds me that I have been meaning to rewatch it! Thank you for the little George Lucas quote as well and the beautiful envelope! Which did you fold yourself, its beautiful!
u/DaniFeek x3 What a beautiful card! For the first time ever, I planted about 21 bulbs over the fall and have been patiently waiting for them to blossom, I look at them every day, just inspecting their growth - so I was amazed when I opened the card and it was tulips, it couldn’t have been more perfect! Thank you for the stickers, and the post cards! I love going to zoos, it is my happy place! Though I haven’t gone since last summer. That is so cool that you can feed the giraffes, I’m so jealous, I will put it in my bucket list to visit that zoo some day - the great sand dunes looks so beautiful! I’ve always wanted to visit Colorado for their national parks! I will plant the seeds this upcoming spring, thank you for sharing them from your own personal garden. Your note is so lovely, thank you for sharing your own personal accomplishments :)
u/mediocre_radish_7216 omg, the card and the envelope!!!! So freaking cuuuuute!!! I do think we are the same person, I also named my plants but I lost track so fast hahaha. I am jealous you have three dogs!! I only have one but I am itching to adopt more, I just love them so much. Thank you for the stickers and the birthday wish, I appreciate it so much! It definitely brought a huge smile on my face seeing the envelope, the card and reading your note!!
u/travel4me22 I love bunnies!! They are my favorite, I wanted a pet bunny for as long as I can remember but unfortunately haven’t been ready yet! The bunny is so adorable, and I love that it’s holding a cupcake, ahhh!! How freaking cute. The card is beautiful, I cannot believe you made it yourself - I’m in awe! Thank you so much for the card, and sweet note, I also love the stickers on the back of the envelope!!
u/stillsheryl I knew it was going to be a good card when I saw the buzz lightyear stamp! I always cry when I watch Toy Story, a bit of a baby that way! Thank you for the stunning card, I love the iridescent! I keep turning it in difference directions just to look at it. Kali and Koda are so cute, Kali looks like she cannot be bothered haha. Thank you for your note, what a funny story about your 30th birthday! Though I am sure it was very overwhelming when you were going through it! Wow, how impressive that you started a new career!! I often think if I am even too old now to start, but I think I am just too harsh on myself. Congratulations on your new found career and I am so glad that you are happier! It is a good reminder that you are never too old to try something new :)
u/pierresgirl Can I just say these are the coolest freaking stamps ever!!! I have never seen something like this! Also, you have beautiful handwriting! Thank you for the beautiful card, I cried like a baby reading it. I think it’s exactly what I needed to hear. I am now looking forward to turning 60 :) I try to be a big believer that everything happens for a reason, but I was having a really hard time seeing that, but reading your letter really confirmed that for me. Something wasn’t right, and thats why it didn’t happen. I also hope that I will feel confident, beautiful, worthy, loved and appreciated - I am manifesting that this year. Thank you thank you thank you so much for this card and for your beautiful words of wisdom - I will revisit this card very frequently, I can already tell. It is wisdom that I will carry with me for the rest of my life!

The description of this sub, includes that bluey is the ultimate kids show for grownups. No. Bluey, is an adult show, that looks like a kid show because of its cartoons style. To quote the great and powerful Muffin Cupcake Heeler, "THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!". thank you.