Currently 6+6 and all of my symptoms have disappeared since yesterday
No more sore boobs, nausea, fatigue, food aversion, heightened smell….nothing
Freaking out because my last two spontaneous miscarriages (6 weeks BO and 8 weeks right after hearing the heartbeat) both started off this way followed by bleeding 2-3 days later.
Got to see the little one last monday at 6 weeks and everything was measuring normally and even saw the heart flickering but couldn’t get a rate. Going in for an US tomorrow hoping all is ok.
No bleeding only minor cramping that I’ve had since week 5 but in the thick of it now and would love to hear some stories about symptoms disappearing and what happened.

We continue with the introductory remarks of the sixth chapter of John's Revelation.
John the Baptist, the apostles and Christ said:
"And they said: Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near"
Matt. 3:2
"From that time Jesus began to teach and say: Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."
Matt. 4:17
"And Peter said to them: Repent, and be baptized each of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit;"
Acts 2:38
"Repent, therefore, and turn to be cleansed of your sins, so that the times of rest from the face of the Lord may come."
Acts 3:19
If the Jews had listened to what they were saying, another week would have passed and seven years would have passed and eternal justice would have come as it was prophesied.
"Whom, then, is heaven worthy to receive until the time when everything is restored, which God has spoken through the mouth of all his holy prophets since the creation of the world."
Acts 3:21
The Jews did not accept Christ, so instead of the last week of Daniel, the prophecy continues:
"The duke's people will come and destroy the city and the sanctuary; and its end will be with the flood, and there will be certain desolation until the end of the war" For Danilo this was the future and he did not know who it was about, but for us it is the past and we know that the Roman general Titus Vespasian came forty years after Christ death on the cross with the Roman army and destroyed Jerusalem and the temple.
We live today in this time, and certain desolation will be until the end of the war, and this time is actually a break between the sixty-ninth and seventieth weeks, and this time was a secret for Daniel and the other prophets.
God revealed this secret to the apostle Paul.
"To be told a secret by revelation; as I wrote briefly above, From whence can you read my known reason in the mystery of Christ, Which in other generations was not revealed to the sons of men, as it is now revealed to His holy apostles and prophets by the Holy Spirit"
Eph. 3:3-5
This break and this secret mean that God for a while "withdrew" from the nation of Israel and turned to his new creation, the "Church", based on the foundations of grace and to which all nations and peoples have access.
God first "rejected" the Gentiles:
"And since they don't want to know God, that's why God gave them over to a corrupt mind to do what is wrong,
To be filled with all injustice, fornication, wickedness, lewdness, wickedness; full of envy, murder, strife, cunning, malice; Whisperers, backsliders, haters of God, bullies, braggarts, proud, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, Unreasonable, unbelieving, unloving, implacable, merciless. And some knowing the justice of God that those who do this deserve death, they not only do it, but also agree to it to those who do it"
Rom. 1:28-32
raised Israel and then "blinded" them:
"For, brothers, I will not hide this secret from you (so that you will not be proud), blindness will fall on Israel until the number of Gentiles come in"
Rom. 11:25
Therefore, God "inserted" a break in order to "build" his Church in the time of grace, which is not a continuation of Judaism, but something completely new. The beginning of the Church of Christ is on All Souls' Day, and God revealed this secret to the apostle Paul.
"And to him who can establish you according to my gospel and the preaching of Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the secret which was hidden from the foundation of the world, and now appeared and was made known through the letters of the prophets, according to the commandment of the eternal God, for the obedience of faith among all the Gentiles, to the One to the all-wise God, through Jesus Christ, glory forever. Amen"
Rom. 16:25-27
Paul preached Christ according to the eternal secret among the Gentiles, and Peter preached Christ according to prophecy, and this is a unity but a difference because the Church was in the eternal plan of God, but it was not announced until the Apostle Paul.
The Church has its beginning on the day of the descent of the Holy Spirit and its end before the beginning of the seventieth week of Daniel's prophecy, and that is the future for us as well, because we are living in the time of this "secret". Here is what it says about the end of this period and the taking of the Church:
,, Here I am telling you a secret: because we will not all die, but we will all be transformed. Once, in the twinkling of an eye at the last trumpet; for the trumpet will sound and the dead will rise incorruptible, and we will be changed."
1 Cor.15:51-52
,, I will not deny you, brothers, for those who have died, that you do not mourn like the rest who have no hope;
Because if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, so God will also bring those who died in Jesus with Him.
Because we tell you this with the word of the Lord that we who live and remain for the coming of the Lord, will not threaten those who have died. Because the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a command, with the voice of the Archangel, and with the trumpet of God; and the dead in Christ will rise first; And then we who are alive, who are left, together with them will be taken up in the clouds to meet the Lord in heaven, and so we will always be with the Lord. So comfort each other with these words."
1 Thess. 4:13-18
In the Old Testament, the prophets did not speak about the taking of the Church, but about the coming of Christ to earth, but Paul says:
"Here I am telling you a secret..."
1 Cor.15:51
and this secret was difficult even for the apostle Peter, who preached Christ according to prophecy, so he said:
"And consider the suffering of our Lord as salvation; just as our kind brother Pavle writes to you according to the wisdom given to him. As he speaks about this and in all his epistles, in which they have some things difficult to understand, which the unlearned and uncertain twist, like the other letters, he perished on his own."
2 Peter 3:15-16
And when the Church is taken, the fulfillment of Daniel's prophecy follows.
"And he will establish a covenant with many for a week, and in the middle of the week he will abolish the sacrifice and offering; and with hateful wings, which make desolation, until the appointed end, it will be poured out on the desolation."
Daniel 9:27
and then God will again begin to "work" with Israel because this prophecy refers to Israel and it has not yet been fulfilled and this is also the future for us and it will begin to be fulfilled when the seals are opened in the sixth chapter of Revelation and the events of the sixth to the nineteenth chapter belong to the "last week of Daniel"
"And he will establish a covenant with many" it was written earlier that a duke will come and destroy Jerusalem, and we saw that it was a duke from the Roman Empire and he will make a covenant with "many" refers to Israel because the prophecy is for Israel and Jerusalem. So when when the Antichrist appears, he will establish a covenant with many.
We conclude that it is Antiristu based on the verses:
"Because the secret of iniquity is already being done, only until the one who is holding it back is removed. And then the lawless one will appear, whom the Lord Jesus will kill with the spirit of his mouth, and eradicate with the light of his coming;
2 Thess. 2:7-8
When the Church is taken, the Holy Spirit will also be removed (which now prevents the appearance of the Antichrist) and we read further that then the "lawless one" or the Antichrist will appear. it is seven years when they will promote a false peace (described in Revelation 6:2) they will allow them to build a temple and offer sacrifices. But this peace will last three and a half years because it says:
"and in the middle of the week they will abolish the sacrifice and the offering;" and it will be a war against the spiritual life in Israel because it is written,,, and with hateful wings, which make desolation, until the appointed end, they will pour out on the desolation"
And then the Antichrist will begin to terrorize and devastate Israel and the temple. This is what the Lord Jesus meant when he said:
"When you therefore see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by the prophet Daniel, where he stands in the holy place (who reads to understand):"
Matt. 24:15
"where he stands in the holy place (who reads to understand):" refers to the Antichrist and this is what he writes next:
"He who opposes and exalts above all that is called God or is honored, so that he will sit down in the church of God as God, showing himself to be God."
2 Thess. 2:4
This "in the church of God" is in the temple in Jerusalem, there the Antichrist will place a statue in the holy of holies where the "place of God's revelation" is, the "false prophet" will help him in this:
"And it would be given to her to give spirit to the icon of the beast, to make the icon of the beast speak, and to cause those who do not worship the icon of the beast to be killed."
Rev. 13:15
And only after this will arise the greatest troubles for Israel.
"Because there will be a great tribulation such as has not been since the creation of the world until now and will never be;"
Matt. 24:21
the prophet Isaiah also prophesied about this false peace:
"We caught faith with death, and made a pact with the grave;..."
Isa 28:15
in addition to this terror on the Israelis, the Antichrist will build a kind of "palace" on the Mount of Olives, but his end will be catastrophic.
"And he pitched the tents of his court among the seas on a beautiful holy mountain; and when he comes to his end, no one will help him."
Daniel 11:45
And when the seventieth week is over, the Antichrist, "full of arrogance and pride" will gather the "army of the whole world" to wage war against Christ, the Church and the angels.
but their end is "certain" and we read that the Antichrist and the false prophet end up in the Lake of Fire.
,,And I saw the beast and the kings of the earth and their soldiers gathered to fight with Him who sits on the horse and with His armies. And the beast was captured, and with it the false prophet who performed signs before it by which he deceived those who received the mark of the beast and who worshiped icon of hers: they would both be thrown alive into the lake of fire, which burns with brimstone"
Rev. 19:19-20
,, For the Lord will come forth, and will make war on the nations as he makes war on the day of battle.
And His feet will stand in that day on the Mount of Olives, which is towards Jerusalem from the east..."
Zechariah 14:4
And when Jesus comes and stands on the Mount of Olives, the details of this prophecy will be fulfilled.
,, to finish the transgression and to disappear the sin and to cleanse the iniquity and to bring eternal justice, and to seal the apparition and prophecy, and to anoint the Holy of Holies"
and that is the end of sin and eternal justice is established.
And this was an introduction to make it easier to understand where we are as a Church in prophecy and what happens in the "last week", which are the events described in Revelation from the sixth to the nineteenth chapter.

i kicked my exroommate out because she hadn’t paid rent in months, & then i found out she lied to me about her entire identity. it’s important to note i’m 24f & autistic. a lot of this story is built upon the back of her lying to me? so for brevity sake im stating what I think is the most pertinent information for this. i wont get too deep into all the intricacies of the lies because they are big ones that im still unpacking in therapy, just looking for legal advice because im tapped on funds & would’ve sought an attorneys advice otherwise.
long story short, she avoided signing a lease or anything until after we moved in back in november because “life” kept getting in the way of her coming to the appointment for it. I learned my lesson here. I know I shouldn’t have let her move in without signing a sublease or getting a background check. she kept canceling our appt to get it signed, & eventually I became too overwhelmed with school & work that I forgot about it until I needed it. but I have all our financial agreement stuff in written form (text) im just not sure if that’s enough.
anyway, the apartment was in my name only. she paid sorta consistently. a day late here, a week late there. I was okay with it for the beginning because I am a student & had enough in savings from my loans to cover it in the beginning SO LONG as she paid me back. & she did. I also was working 35 hours a week on top of an 18 credit hour load, so i’m barely home save to sleep or eat. february is when she lost her job due to allegedly calling off & lying about it to her boss. (I only found that out after a coworker of hers reached out to me. my roommate was allegedly lying about me to people.) it’s important to note I didn’t know she lost her job. she didn’t tell me she got fired, instead said she was wanting to leave & was lowering her hours there while finding other work. I told her I just would like to be paid back on time & she said she would. spoiler, she didn’t.
in march we had a huge argument because she hadn’t paid me back for february rent or utilities & I had learned at that point a lot of her personal history that she had shared with me had been a lie. I looked into publicly available records about her & found out the following:

• she claimed she was an orphan, she was not, both parents are alive. she told me a graphic story of finding her parents dead & later changed the story. this is want prompted me to look up obituaries for them. found none. instead just found active social media profiles.
• she said her sister slept with her ex fiancé, that never happened & the girl wasn’t even her sister & the fiancé was only a boyfriend. also turned out the girl was the “fiancés” cousin.
• she had a criminal background, including a couple felonies for stealing a lot of money from both her previous places of employment & former roommate of hers.
• she claimed she worked for a preschool & they hadn’t paid ANYONE in a whole month. but bc of her felony, she actually didn’t work there at all.
• she claimed she was pregnant when she wasn’t, this story also included a story of an abortion that went wrong?? she told me graphic & gruesome details but i’ll spare you.
• she claimed to take financial care of her 17 year old brother. she didn’t? her mom is still alive.
• she claimed to have brain cancer to several of our mutual friends (not me though bc my moms in the medical field & I would’ve asked her questions regarding it) she never had brain cancer lol.

she comes clean about all of that during the confrontation in march. she cries, I cry, I thought all was getting resolved financially because she promised. (I roll my eyes now thinking about it) & she was enrolling herself in therapy. she pays me for the rent & utilities of february but not rent for march. she said she would get it to me with her next paycheck. I had some faith in her still because she was my friend or so I thought.
I also ended up enrolling in therapy shortly after this conversation bc it was traumatizing how much she lied to me.
regardless, i covered her half of rent during march & April, albeit very begrudgingly. i gave her extension after extension but started to look for another roommate during the end of april just in case she didn’t pay in may. the reason I did this is because I only had enough in savings to cover my portion of rent for june. obviously may came around & she didn’t pay, but she was able to go spend about $400 at the grocery store ?? & she also bought a new stanley cup (she had a collection & each one rubes around 48 usd) & a whole bunch of new make up, press on nails, toiletries such as shampoo & conditioner & three new candles!!
seeing her come home with all that that was my breaking point. I had been rationing off my food, my own toiletries, & my own “luxury” items just so I could afford to keep a roof over our heads.
so I found a new roommate very quickly, & got them ACTUALLY VETTED WITH BACKGROUND CHECK & CREDIT CHECK BY THE APARTMENT COMPLEX ITSELF. yes I learned from my mistake. no I will never repeat it again.
I told my ex roommate on May 6th, one week after she came home with all those new expensive items, that she needed to pay me all 3.453.35 that she owed me for rent/utilities or she would be kicked out. she asked me for an extension, she claimed she needed to May 10th to get her funds. I said no, she had already had two months & four full paycheck cycles to figure it out. she said she took out a personal loan & was waiting on it to be approved & deposited. I again reaffirmed that no, she could not stay here. I told her she had twenty minutes to pack up a bag but she needed to leave her furniture as collateral that she would pay me back. she agreed to this. all of this is in text form & I have her agreeing to it there. after she left, i told her she had thirty full days to pay me back or her items would be considered abandoned. thus, giving her an additional & final deadline. that deadline is Monday, June 10th, at 5 pm.
on June 3rd, after hearing nothing from her for weeks, she said she would pay me by the evening of the 7th. I told her that was fine, but if she didn’t pay then the original deadline of june 10th at 5 pm would still stand.
june 7th came & went. no payment. & june 10th is tomorrow. & idk what to do with her stuff or if I should give her more time?? i’m not sure how to proceed forward & wanna make sure i’m protected.
anyway, that’s the shortened version of it. any advice is welcome. I don’t need people telling me i’m stupid for the sublease thing bc I know & am well aware. I learned my lesson on that & my new roommate is on the lease & our financials are split evenly now so i’m good on that.
I just don’t know what to do with her items or even really,,,her. do I just need to suck it up, grab my credit card & get an attorney? I just dunno what to do :/ thank you in advance

I took my first shot and was relieved that the side effects were tolerable. Lost 4 lbs during the first week and was very happy. I took my 2nd shot Friday (today is Sunday) and have been feeling horrible since. I was naive to think I was out of the woods when I felt good after the first shot. Yesterday I was terribly nauseous, managed to have a protein shake, lots of Gatorade, and lots of water. I'm feeling better today, but have had diarrhea and stomach cramps, and my poop is a weird yellow color.
I have a trip to Ireland coming up next week, and I am thinking I should skip my 3rd shot completely in an effort to not have a terrible trip. I'm also now worrying about when I have to titrate up on my dose -- I'm so scared, looking for advice and support. I feel desperate to succeed on this medication.

TW: There a mentions of suicide and other things, so if you're uncomfortable I'm sorry :( Just for context, I was pretty young when all of this went down, we were all young and it just so happened to be during covid so our mental state weren’t the best. Okay to start this off, when I moved to a new district with a new school, my anxiety was through the roof, like i was crying internally, so when I met my ex-friend(gonna call her L), she was nothing but nice, I connected with L instantly and I began to know her friend group, one of them being her soon to be boyfriend(Who i will call T). T started to like me, I was young, didn't understand much and felt pressured to date him, which ended in L having literal fights with him, so I broke it off. Then she started dating him(I have poor memory so maybe that didn’t happen but I do know they dated), then broke it up shortly after, fast forward to the next year, we both have an agreement that we want nothing to do with T. But once covid hit, that’s when discord became popular in our friend group, they apparently started calling each other, and lots of other things I was too “innocent” to know about. Keep in mind I’m the quiet one in the group and try to treat everyone with kindness because thanks to my mom, that’s how I was raised. But they started dating and I was hanging out with L more often because I had a strong relationship with her. I met T in person when the three of us were hanging out, they decided to suddenly have the adult fun time right next to me. Which yes, I was traumatized and won’t forget about to this day. But I connected with T more personally, and started to develop a little crush on him. I was stupid and told L about it, which she was cool with. Then he started talking to me about how L was getting abusive. I had no clue what had been going on, but apparently she would wrestle him, literally, and almost broke his rib on his birthday shortly after I left. I'm not sure if it is true but I’ve also noticed she had been a little abusive towards me too, made fun of my for being too scared to watch a horror movie in the dark, yelling at me for not knowing how to phrase certain things (I was taking a speech class during this time to help with speaking, which yippee I graduated from that), and also forced me to watch pron when I was clearly uncomfortable with it. L was my best friend but that was off to me. Back to T, he asked me if he should break up with her, I simply responded “Do what you want and think what’s best for you” because I care about his mental health, L was also considering breaking up with him. So I saw no problem, but shortly after that, she suddenly told him that I had a crush on him. Which I clearly didn’t want her to say to him. T asked me if it was true, I obviously felt wrong for it because the two just broke up and I didn’t want to do that to my friend, but then T kind of pushed it against me saying “Oh after a few weeks we can date. It’ll be fine.”. So my stupid self says “Okay then.” still not even sure. But L started yelling at me for it even though she was the one who told him I had a crush on him without my consent. So out of respect for her I broke up with him. Then everyone in our friend group goes like “Follow your heart! Do what you want.” so I stupidly dated him again, which L started acting bitter about, which I understand and respect, but peer pressure got over me. Her mom even texted mine and said “Hey your daughter needs to break up with him, it’s causing L to have suicidal thoughts.” which I obviously didn’t want so I broke up with him again. Apparently lots of things have happened between the two of them, horrible things that I’m not even sure who to believe, I was too young and naïve to understand. I continued to be L’s friend, but she all of a sudden started kicking me out of the table to sit with her, so her goons could simp for her (yes we were both stereotypical goths- so obviously this was kind of normal). I continued talking to T, started dating again, but I was going through some mental stuff and started liking another person, so I broke up with him and his friends started harassing me about it, thankfully telling them the truth that I simply lost that feeling i felt and just wanted to be true to my heart for once, they respected me. But L started to ignore me after trying to do everything for her, and even ignored the fact that I told her I had suicidal thoughts and was considering committing it at the time. Instead she started making it about her when I told her all of it. So we stopped talking. Fast forward again, I talk with T again, we’re still friends, even though sometimes I do feel he tries to take advantage of me by convincing me to sleep with him, obviously I am still young and don’t make good decisions. But I ran into her again, and apologized to her because I genuinely missed her, but she just huffed and didn’t face me, which I respect, but it feels like she is telling me to off myself. She has caused trouble for me multiple times, basically trying to buy a special wand when we weren’t even in high school, having the adult fun time right beside me, I think even creating rumors about me, and causing my depression and anxiety. She got me on discord which eventually led to me getting into trouble there that risks my life as of now. But after all of that, I’ve realized that I have kind of been an AH, my mom says I wasn’t because I was too young, for reference I was barely even out of middle school, that’s how disgusting it is that she had the stuff with him right next to me. But I’m wondering what people think, AITA for doing this? Sorry if I haven’t explained it well, I’m currently struggling with a lot in my personal and digital environment, and I just want to get this off of my chest and get a clear answer of what I did was wrong or not, it feels wrong. If there are any questions I can answer, unless they are personal, I don’t feel comfortable answering, also Charlotte if you did by chance read this, thank you so much for basically being a role model for me, every time I watch your videos it makes my day, and has slowly turned me into the petty bitch I am today, truly am grateful :). Hope you’re doing well :). Tiny Edit: I might've forgotten some small details but T over the years has treated me with nothing but respect, and always put my feelings into consideration during our times together.

I'm going to try really hard to keep this concise. There's a lot of info and I tend to ramble.
My mother is a Cuban immigrant. My father is a rock'n'roller and has always been in a band of some sort. They also smoked pot through my entire existence. I grew up with a love of music and an incredible work ethic that would elevate me quickly through my career. But I also grew up with physical, emotional, and verbal abuse from my mother and a father who was too afraid of her to step in and stop it or help us and parents who were never consistent in their responses. I have an older brother who experienced all of the same, but doesn't talk about it and *seems* to not phase him the way it does me.
I told my partner even before we got pregnant that if my parents watch our children, as the children get older and are able to dissent and have their own opinions, we'd need to keep an eye on how my parents are treating them. I've always maintained that my mom is great with babies, and terrible with children. So when I had my son seven years ago, they were our primary caregivers while we worked full time. It was my responsibility to pick him up after work from their house. After a while of this arrangement, I started indulging in a large glass of wine because I had to wait until rush hour died off before I could get on the road (stuck in traffic with a screaming baby is not fun). It felt out of necessity due to the constant judgment, critiques, and questioning that my mother would do to me about anything I mentioned- work, the baby, my partner, anything. It came to the point that my partner and I switched "shifts" and I started dropping my son off in the morning so that I would stop this behavior (which was also dangerous for everyone involved) and not give my mother the opportunity to critique because I had to turn around and leave for work right away. It's worth noting that I've been sober for two years (an intiative neither of my parents supported- "you just need to control yourself more, you don't have a problem").
My son grew older and has a close relationship with my parents and my brother. But my mom couldn't stop telling me he was too skinny, telling me she's concerned about him getting colds, telling me we're doing too much with him and need to slow down (referring to going to playgrounds...), and doing what I told her NOT to do with him. She wouldn't stop spoon-feeding him at three years old, and we had to have a blow out about it for her to listen to me after nicely asking her to stop and explaining why a billion times.
December of 2023 she was over for a little pizza party with us and my in-laws. My (now six year old) son took his shirt off and started dancing to some music (lol) and my mom exclaimed about "how skinny" he is because "you can see his ribcage". Which you can see most people's ribcages when their arms are in the air and they've taken a deep breath in... She turned to my mother-in-law (MIL) and said they needed to fatten him up. My MIL is a NICU nurse and her and her son (my husband) were both very skinny growing up. She confirmed for my mom that "no, we don't, he's a perfect weight for his height". I have also confirmed this for my mother countless times and ask about his weight at every pediatrician appointment. Because he's in the 99th percentile for height, he's just lanky. Medical professionals assure us it is fine and normal. THEN she turned to my son and told him to his face "You are too skinny and you need to eat more." Thankfully I wasn't there to hear it or it would've been a scene, but I was told about it after the fact. After confronting her she confirmed she did say that and she wouldn't take it back. I lost my shit about how disrespectful and untrusting it is of your own daughter to do something like that and she FINALLY realized the severity of it.
But at that point it was the last straw for me. I told my mother that if we were going to continue to have a relationship, that we needed to go to therapy. And that I thought it would be beneficial for ALL OF US to go (meaning my immediate, childhood family) but really I was mostly concerned with her and my relationship. After a few months of hoping it would blow over and it didn't, she finally made the appointment.
We did family therapy (with the whole family) for a few weeks. It was exhausting and eye-opening. It was primarily focused on my parents' marriage and the issues my family was having at home (my mother, father, and adult brother who still lives with them all coexisting in the house). So very little to do with me. Which was the whole reason we were supposed to be there.
Ultimately we discovered how insane my mother's anxiety is, she screamed at the therapist twice, kept validating her abuse, and couldn't list off more than two things she loved about me before getting to a critique. They also started going to marriage counseling at the suggestion of our family therapist, and things there started to get really bad. It became clear that a lot of my mom's anxiety around us came from her dissatisfaction with her marriage and feeling like she always had to be the disciplinarian. The family therapist watched me pop a pill as my mom laid in to me in one of our sessions about how unclean my house is and it's why my son (who is in public school) gets so many colds. After that, the therapist did some serious consideration and decided to pause our family therapy, citing that my mom wasn't ready and needs to do a lot of work on her own with her personal therapist, and I wasn't ready because every time I'm in there it's like I'm reliving it all. I agree with her wholeheartedly. I want to say here that our therapist was INCREDIBLY validating for me, and really drove home for me that this was NOT a me problem (which my parents had always led me to believe).
But now I don't know where to go from here. My therapist told me to stop reaching out- that I've been trying to fix the relationship my whole life (which isn't my responsibility), and they know now what the problem is so they need to try to fix it this time. Also both my individual and family therapist said going to their house is a non-starter and any time we spend together in the next few months needs to be in a public place with a structured activity to reduce the possibility of it being a negative experience. That was four weeks ago. We've seen each other once since then and my mom only texts to tell me about family-related things "so and so broke their ankle, it's your grandma's birthday, yada yada" and my dad doesn't text.
I worked through all the terrible feelings of being responsible for breaking up my parents' marriage and making things more difficult for him and my brother living in that house by forcing this. I know that isn't my fault. But I can't stop thinking about my parents, specifically my mom. It's clear my mother has her own abusive past that she's never processed, and it was the only parenting method she knew. And I'm sympathetic to that and have given her grace for the last few decades because of that. But it can't be this way for my whole life. I can't live my whole life feeling like my worth is based on how much I get done, how materially successful I am, stuffing my emotions down so I'm not "so dramatic" and feeling unlovable. As an adult I felt like my life was supposed to be a gift to them for raising me... like if it wasn't exactly what they wanted for me, then it was wrong. Since having my own child I've seriously reflected on all of that, and I don't want to raise my son the way I was raised and I don't think of him as "mine" as much as his own person with his own world and life. I don't see him as a reflection of me and my parenting- it isn't personal when he gets into trouble or says something mean like it was for my mom when I was a kid.
My brain just won't stop thinking of ways to make things "better". I keep trying to come up with an activity to do in a public place so they can see their grandkid but that's the thing- that's the only reason. I don't want to see them. I don't think my son really even wants to see them (he wants to see my brother- his Tio- because they're besties but not necessarily my parents who do very little with him- they just "want him around".) But then I realize that if I don't want to, then maybe I shouldn't. And then I think about how depressed my parents are sitting at home and I feel awful. They don't have friends or much of a life (besides dad's band), and were both depressed before this even started. I can't stop thinking about why she couldn't love me. How she told me she was the only one who would told me the truth, and then told me how horrible I am. And I still believe those things despite having all the evidence that they aren't true.
Ugh anyway I know I have a lot more to do to get through this. But has anyone else experienced this kinda constant distraction of thinking through it all but not really getting much of anywhere? Idk if it's emotional flashbacks that I'm feeling or what. I just don't really know where to go from here, so any advice is appreciated.
Also omg this wasn't concise at all I'm sorry <3

Hello,
You can skip to the end if you don't want the story and just the question.
I have a distance relationship with a woman that means the world to me. I had 5 days to spend with her and the first 3 of them with her kids too. Then it would be just us. Found out she is pregnant a week ago, even tho shes on the pill and its probably the reason why she has been alittle off for the last 2 weeks, we're not planning on keeping it.
It ended up with me leaving on day 4 because she didn't want to be around anyone or be social at all, including me. She says she just wants to be left alone, she said I can stay but it could just get worse. She didnt seem to care at all about how sad it makes even tho I understand and choose to leave. Just driving in the rain for the rest of the day and crying, not a text or something to make me feel less shitty. The whole situation with me about to be moving there and leaving what I know behind, then feeling kicked out out of the home i'm supposed to live in felt so unsafe, I cant exactly just get in my car and drive 6 hours to my relatives for a day if something happends in the future. She says she becomes like this she is feeling like shit and wants to be alone. She says she dosen't recognice herself because of the hormones and promises it will get better. She seemed fine the first 3 days and things felt alright, except her feeling sick all the time. It was until she didn't have anymore "duties" and all this happend.
Everything reminded me of how cold, hated and left out I felt by my ex. which makes things worse. I told her I didnt think it was okay at all to not atleast give me a sign untill today, all I've done is care and did everything to be there for her, so it's not any type action that caused it.
Right now I've told her to text me when she feels ready and told her I feel guilty for telling her it's not okay to be that careless about my feelings when the situation is how it is, but I still feel that way (we already promised to always be there for eachother). Even tho I'm the one who asked if she wanted me to leave. I would atleast have sent her a ❤️ emoji or something if I saw her cry when leaving. No matter how bad or hateful I'm feeling. It's not like we broke up, even if it feels like past trauma is causing the fear of losing her to get alot worse.
My question is will this pass? Are the other women here who have felt like this, wanting to be isolated when feeling like shit and then returned to their normal self that shows love? Right now I feel horrible, left out, not even being able to be there to support her and I feel like everything is just gone.

Hi guys,
Husband and I tried to get pregnant for the 1st time. My last period was 28th April. I have a somewhat regular cycle (period sometimes delayed by a day or two or always on the same date).
I'm late by 2 weeks but haven't done a pregnancy test in recent days. Been testing myself from 2 days of delayed period up until day 8 of delayed period. However, all tests came back negative. On my period day I noticed tiny spots on my panties. I have been passing white discharge along with old blood since yesterday. Not enough to wet a pad, but every time I wipe.
I have read that some tests won't show till you're past 2 weeks of your expected period. Am I pregnant or is this a sign my period is due to start? I have mild cramps, so mild they don't really bother me and sore nipples.

My [21M] girlfriend [21F] met our freshman year of college at the homecoming party. I remember how beautiful she was, and how nervous I was to talk to her. I mustered up the nerves to get her socials, and we talked every single day from the night I met her, and eventually, there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't see her. Before we were even official, she was staying the night in my dorm pretty much every night, so we finally made it official only weeks into meeting.
We were well into the honeymoon phase. Sex was happening 6-7 times a week, at all times of the day, and for months. While it was a great feeling, I knew it wasn't safe -- she wasn't on birth control and we both didn't enjoy condoms. This realization was the end of the honeymoon phase, about 8 months in. That was almost 2 years ago now.
We then transitioned to having sex 1-2 times a week. Even this was a little low to me, but I wasn't going to push her for more. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable and I understood why we had slowed down. Still, the honeymoon phase taught me that I enjoy sex with her not because my caveman genes crave it, but because when we do have sex, the love I have for her is on full display. It truly felt like an act of immense love for the woman I'm happy to be with, which is a feeling I was very new to in my youth.
In the months following this transition, we began sleeping with each other even less. I was lucky to have sex with her even once a week, and it didn't seem like she was enjoying herself like she used to. It was heartbreaking but I also worried for her.
So we had our first major discussion about it.
She explained that she has struggled to feel aroused lately and that her personal life seems to be effecting her negatively. I asked her if she needed to go see someone, and if I had done something to make her feel less attracted to me. She told me that I was not the problem, and that it's only her. I explained what sex with her means to me, and that barely having sex once a week is abnormal even for older couples. We talked through our emotions, and what we could do to fix things, and while she shut down the idea of therapy, our talk seemed positive and helpful for us both. She promised to make a change, and I promised to be there for her if she had a difficult time with it.
After the first discussion I felt hopeful, but it's been more than a year since we had it, and the problems have only gotten worse. We have sex 1-2 times every few months now. When we do have sex, she has to force herself vodka or has to feel guilty because she too knows we have sex far too little to constitute a healthy relationship. These are both horrible reasons to have sex, and it breaks my heart that she needs such a shallow motivator to be intimate with me.
I've pushed her to get help, and been as supportive as I can, but nothing seems to change the situation. It rips me up inside that she won't help herself and will only be intimate with me under immoral circumstances. How did things get this bad? I still have so much more love to give her, but she doesn't seem at all interested. What do I do?

Lifetime - Staked: 935.9u, Profit/Loss: +11.97u, ROI: 1.28%, Parlay Suggestions: 179-72 Dog of the Week: 13-19, Picks: 14-11 (56% accuracy)
2024 - Staked: 288.8u, Profit/Loss: -21.39u
As always, scroll down for UFC Vegas 93 Breakdowns. The following is just a recap of last event’s results.
~UFC Louisville (PREVIOUS CARD)~
Staked: 14.75u
Profit/Loss: -3.84u
Parlay Suggestions: 2-3
Dog of the week: Jared Cannonier ❌
Picks: 6-8
I just can’t seem to get it right on these fight night cards. Last night’s card certainly wasn’t great for me in terms of reads, but once again there was no luck on my side. The Rosas over 1.5 missed out by eight seconds, and obviously the Cannonier stoppage was widely regarded as contentious. I’m definitely going to be thinking about limiting my exposure to these kind of events, because I just can’t seem to make it work this year. I’ve got 28u profit on PPV cards this year, with 34% ROI. It’s time I paid attention to that and stopped losing money for fun on these low level competitions.
The goal for me is obviously going to break even by the end of the year, which is a miserable game to be playing, but one I believe I can achieve.
~UFC Vegas 93~
Woo, more Apex!
Worth re-iterating again that throughout the month of June I will be cutting a few corners regarding some fights I have no interest in betting. I’m on holiday the week I would otherwise be writing the UFC 303 McGregor write up, and I obviously don’t want to miss my usual Sunday release…so I am working hard to get ahead of schedule and get it all ready for before I fly.
Let’s get into it.

~Alex Perez v Tatsuro Taira~
Amazing how quickly things can turn around in MMA. Literally at the start of this year I was clowning Perez for being inactive, questioning his commitment to his career, and generally dismissing him and considering a fade at any appropriate opportunity. Fast forward six months and he’s potentially in the title picture with a win here, and a guy who cost me money last time.
Perez is talented, I’d always known it. I bet him to beat Figgy back in the day, and I do believe he could have given a great account of himself had he not been sloppy and gotten caught in the early submission. Alex has good striking, and great wrestling…which at Flyweight makes him a serious competitor. I even said in my breakdown for the Mokaev fight that if Alex somehow managed to get back to his best, he’d be a tough fight for Mokaev, or any grappling-based opponent in the division.
We’ve seen a real demonstration of Perez’s abilities this year alone. He showed his potential in the close loss to Mokaev, defending 17 of 20 takedown attempts and just generally muting the successes of Mokaev’s elite crotch-sniffing and mat return wrestling. He parlayed that impressive performance with a main event win over Matheus Nicolau, a well-rounded competitor that has been on the cusp of a title shot for some time. Perez’s striking looked great in that one, and he once again demonstrated that he has sneaky power too.
This main event spot against Tatsuro Taira is obviously going to lend itself more to the Mokaev performance from an analytical perspective, as the undefeated Japanese fighter is obviously a grappler at heart. When you consider Alex Perez’s aforementioned takedown defence against Mokaev, this one gets really interesting.
Tatsuro is clearly taking a massive step up in competition here, with his highest calibre opponent across five UFC appearances otherwise being CJ Vergara or Carlos Hernandez. In most of those fights, Taira has enjoyed grappling control time in approximately half the time he’s been inside the cage, which indicates he’s yet to really be tested in an area where he isn’t comfortable. He has scored knockdowns in two of his fights, but that finishing sequence against Hernandez most recently was pretty much the only time I’ve seen his striking has looked impressive. It’s not bad typically…just very obviously not his strong suit, and he doesn’t really do anything out at distance except jab and lowkick to set up his takedown.
The key difference here when comparing Taira to Mokaev is wrestling cardio. Mokaev’s averaging almost six takedowns per 15 minutes – he invites opponents to stand back up so he can ragdoll them back down. Taira is a different type of grappler, where most of his opponents stay grounded, and a finish comes soon after. The most he has ever landed in a fight is three. It doesn’t mean he can’t wrestle relentlessly…but there is a nuanced difference when it comes to the type of grappler you are.
So can Taira keep wrestling for 25 minutes? Obviously we cannot say for sure, but it wouldn’t surprise me if the Japanese phenom looks very human and beatable if this fight makes it to round three. I’m expecting Perez to ask serious questions of Taira if they spend extended moments on the feet, and the only way to stop that from happening is with a finish, or the ability to land takedowns.
I’m not convinced that Taira’s going to be able to take and hold down Perez, and I’m also not convinced he gets the better of him on the feet. Whilst that statement was true in the Mokaev fight, the British wrestler still managed to defeat Perez…but that was across 15 minutes, and Mokaev has proven he’s got the cardio to pull of that kind of style for a very long length of time.
The early submission threat could definitely be live, and there’s no reason to believe that Taira can’t still win rounds without having to dive for a takedown every 10 seconds. Perez may be coming off a great performance against Nicolau, but he’s still an untrustworthy fighter that makes sloppy mistakes occasionally. His redemption arc began with that competitive performance against Mokaev, but if we’re being honest he actually fumbled a winnable opportunity with a very lacklustre third round.
So in my opinion, this line is too wide…but I don’t trust Perez enough to take the gamble on him here. If this was up in the +200 range then I’d be tempted, but I Perez is still in the untrustworthy category for me, so I just can’t do it at +160. It’s a pass for me, but Perez is the pick.

How I line this fight: Alex Perez +120 (46%), Tatsuro Taira -120 (54%)
Bet or pass: None
Prop leans: Taira Submission early, would probably be the angle I’d look towards.
Live Betting Leans: If Taira goes bat shit with the grappling, there’s a potential angle for Perez to turn the tables here.

~Tagir Ulanbekov v Joshua Van~
The unique selling point of MMA is that it challenges fighters to be equally diverse at striking and grappling disciplines. That’s why we love it, but damn do I wish they’d sometimes consider what they’re doing when they book certain matchups. I understand that the Flyweight talent pool is smaller so options are much more limited, but it’s still frustrating.
Reason being, Joshua Van looks like a very intriguing and exciting striker, but we are only just at the start of his journey to becoming a fan favourite. It’s far too soon to be throwing him in against a Dagestani wet blanket that’s likely going to cuddle him for 15 minutes and tarnish Van’s hype and prospect status. Let the guy marinate a little before you decide his fate. Especially at 22 years old!
Having said that, I’ve no idea if Van’s got the defensive capabilities to win this one. We haven’t seen him face takedowns from anyone who is anywhere near the level of calibre of Tagir Ulanbekov, and without that we can’t even begin to predict how this fight should go. Furthermore, he’s managed to get up pretty well any time he has been taken down, so our knowledge on his defensive grappling is even weaker.
Van is a great striker, so I would expect him to be leading the dance and winning the bout on the feet, but again that lack of experience could easily eat into his confidence and create a reluctance to commit to his striking. We see it time and time again in a striker vs grappler matchup, where suddenly the striker puts on a low volume and outright bad performance on the feet…it’s because they worry that if they throw with any sort of force they’ll be off balance and susceptible to being taken down. Cast your mind back to rounds 2 and 3 of Cesar Almeida vs Roman Kopylov a few weeks ago to see what that looks like.
So I’ve simply got to agree with Tagir being the favourite here. He has proven himself to be a high-level wrestler, his style could naturally nullify Van’s best qualities…and I also just do not have the evidence to believe Van is going to have the tools to stop Tagir’s grappling. Especially at his age. I never used to be particularly high on Tagir as a prospect as he’d had a few underwhelming performances, but the way he dominated Cody Durden was certainly eye-opening to me.
I can’t have too much confidence here considering Van could have Jose Aldo level takedown defence, but it’s likely he doesn’t and that this too much, too soon. I think the line on Ulanbekov should be shorter than I was able to get him. So I played him for 2u at -167. This is more of a play based on experience and logic, than any tape-based stylistics, but I just had to at that price.
How I line this fight: Impossible to say for sure, but Tagir should probably be trusted at -200 or slightly steeper.
Bet or pass: 2u Tagir Ulanbekov to Win (-167)
Prop leans: None, no idea of Van’s defensive abilities.

~Shayilan Nuerdanbieke v Melq Costa~
A showdown between Steve Garcia’s bitches!
Melq Costa has had a weird UFC career so far, he’s either getting dominated, or dominating opponents. He got the opportunity to show off his ability against everyone’s favourite Ai-generated UFC 5 character, Austin Lingo, but that’s not really saying much. No shame in getting shut down and submitted by Thiago Moises, but getting womped by Steve Garcia isn’t the greatest look.
Shaylian Nuerdanbieke is also coming off a loss to Steve Garcia, where Garcia came back from the brink of defeat after a dangerous opening round. It put an end to a run of three successive UFC wins, but the kind of opponents Shaylian was beating were all lower level and similar.
I honestly don’t know what to make of this one. I don’t really know why Melq Costa is -200 here because I think he’s proven untrustworthy enough to not warrant that price, but I’m not sure if Nuerdanbieke is being flattered by facing lower comp. Either way, I didn’t want to look into it any further from that point. Pass from me.
How I line this fight: I didn’t tape it.
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None

~Ikram Aliskerov v Antonio Troccoli~
Third time lucky for Troccoli trying to make his UFC debut? You’d think that by now I’d have done some tape on the guy, given he’s been waiting to get in there for some long.
15-1 Ikram Aliskerov is one hell of a guy to debut against though…Ikram looks like he could be the real deal. He’s dusted three opponents with complete ease in DWCS/UFC so far, and his only professional loss comes against none other than Khamzat Chimaev.
I’ve no idea about Troccoli, so that’s as far as I can go. Given the high finishing rate of both men, and this being a 205lbs fight, it feels like the -1000 price available on Aliskerov may not have any value (no shit!)…and I obviously don’t want to bet Troccoli on the return. Easy pass, but I’m sure it’s another showcase for an interesting prospect in Aliskerov.
How I line this fight: No idea specifically but Aliskerov large fav.
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None, there literally cannot be value on Aliskerov’s props unless you’re playing contrarian

~Garrett Armfield v Brady Hiestand~
Garrett Armfield impressed me in that recent performance against Brad Katona. I rated Brad’s minute winning ability very highly before the big focus was put on fight ending intentions, so I definitely made a mistake in trusting him in that spot. Katona’s not a dangerous fighter, so his style relies on domination and flawless defence these days. Damage and fight ending intentions are key factors to consider – and a great example of that is the first round of Brady Hiestand’s win over Fernie Garcia – he won 80% of the minutes in the round, but he got dropped momentarily in the first 20 seconds with one punch and all three judges gave it go Garcia.
Hiestand is riding a hard fought two-fight winning streak coming into this one. I don’t think Danaa Batgerel or Fernie Garcia are comparable wins to Brad Katona, and even less so when you actually dissect them. All three of Hiestand’s UFC fights have seen him get knocked down (unofficially with Garcia, but it was treated like one by the judges!), which is obviously a huge concern…especially when you consider he’s not even a super dangerous guy once he gets top position.
Hiestand’s standup isn’t threatening at all. You can tell he’s uncomfortable. He tries to sit at range and throws a kick or a single punch as he bides his time for his next takedown attempt, but he does so whilst backing up the entire time, so anyone with decent sprawling abilities should be able to see them coming. He is counter-able right after that initial shot too, as Danaa Batgerel figured out.
When Hiestand does get top control time it’s also pretty ugly. He’s very erratic and tries too hard to force a submission attempt (he tries to wrap the arm around for an RNC when he’s got nothing else going on the set up), and it often results in him getting reversed. I saw him end up on his back from having his opponent’s back at least three times. A good scrambler on the mat should have no trouble staying safe, and ultimately finding their way back to the feet if they’re patient.
Hiestand’s biggest strength is definitely his cardio, which was solely responsible for his win over Danaa. That was a very weird stoppage, as Danaa definitely wasn’t defending himself, but the punches from Hiestand were pretty inoffensive that I would imagine Danaa could have gladly eaten them for another 90 seconds and gone on to won an easy 29-28. He did gas though, as he didn’t protest what would otherwise have been a very brutal loss to suffer. It wasn’t exactly an impressive finish from Hiestand, he got very lucky to win that fight as the finish came 100% from Danaa gassing/quitting.
So how does Armfield matchup against all that info on Hiestand? Very well, I think. He’s got nice pressure and great hands that he throws in high volume. His performance against Kazama was basically the exact outcome he wants here. He fights with a low stance to pre-empt the takedown. Against Katona it was more of the same, and despite getting taken down four times he still defended five. He got straight back up every time he was taken down as well. They were mostly bodylock attempts, but I think his defence of single/double legs is better than his bodylocks. He got tired in the third against Brad (it was a high pace fight). But still got up off a takedown in the 14^th minute.
So I think Armfield’s got a very favourable match in front of him. Hiestand’s performance against Danaa was a clear indication that he cannot hang on the feet with a lower-level UFC opponent, so Armfield really should do work with the hands. He’s proven competent enough at stopping Hiestand’s only route to a victory also, so I think this one’s a gift for him. I initially wrote that -200 wasn’t steep enough, so I’m surprised the line continues to get better on him. I’ve played him for 3u at -175 (which is rare these days).
How I line this fight: Garrett Armfield -300 (75%), Brady Hiestand +300 (25%)
Bet or pass: 3u Garrett Armfield to Win at -175
Prop leans: Might be tempted by Armfield KO, serious levels on the feet and Hiestand’s been dropped by everyone he’s fought in the UFC so far.

~Asu Almabaev v Jose Johnson~
Asu Almabaev is looking very impressive, isn’t he? The way he dominated Ode Osbourne was certainly eye-opening, but the way he made light work of CJ Vergara was equally appealing to me. I’ve always said CJ’s a hard guy to look good against, and we also got to see Asu’s cardio look totally fine across 15 minutes.
He faces Jose Johnson for his third UFC appearance. Jose’s been a back-and-forth kind of guy. He has to fight hard for his wins, because he’s like a magnet for grappling. I don’t know how, but the guy has next to no ability to maintain distance and keep fights striking – where he wants them. He’s not a bad grappler when he is on the mat, but it’s still not his preferred place. He also gives up his back worse than anyone I’ve ever seen.
All of that will be music to the ears of Almabaev, who likely justifies his -400 price tag and smothers Johnson with grappling. It’s all well and good showing good grappling ability on top and bottom against Anheliger and Jack Cartwright, but Almabaev is a whole different league. Almabaev likely smokes him here. I played Almabaev in a parlay with Josefine Knutsson for 2u at -110.
How I line this fight: Asu Almabaev -400 (83%), Jose Johnson +400 (17%)
Bet or pass: 2u Assu Almabaev to Win (parlayed with Josefine Knutsson at -110)
Prop leans: Likely a submission win for Asu with the way Johnson gives up his back!

~Miles Johns v Douglas Silva de Andrade~
Miles Johns is an impressive and well-rounded fighter, but he lacks a killer instinct and sometimes has questionable cardio. Whilst those flaws are still good enough for him to get the better of guys like Vince Morales and Cody Gibson, he’ll struggle against more dangerous opponents that can match his pace, throw power, and not get stuck on the bottom.
Douglas Silva de Andrade strikes me as the kind of guy who fits into the latter category there. We know he hits hard, we know he has sneaky submission ability, and we know he can go a confident 15 minutes. He’s never been a high level minute winner, but he’s got the explosiveness to turn the tide of a round in an instant.
It’s not my usual way of thinking or breaking down a fight, but de Andrade just strikes me as the kind of guy who is going to benefit from the recent dismissal of USADA. He’s Brazilian, he’s absolutely jacked, and he’s at that age where he might need a little bit of help in keeping up with the younger guys in the division.
That’s a thought I cannot ignore unfortunately, so it’s enough for me to not want to get involved here. I do lean towards Miles Johns and I did initially want to consider betting him, but 2024 has definitely been a year where a lot of older guys have had a resurgence – fading older fighters is not the reliable narrative that it used to be. I pick Johns, but it’s a pass.
How I line this fight: Miles Johns +100 (50%), Douglas Silva de Andrade +100 (50%)
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None

~Lucas Almeida v Timmy Cuamba~
Chaotic and explosive hard hitter that cannot defend a takedown faces off against Man not good enough to win on DWCS.
Much variance. Just going to pass on this one.
How I line this fight: Didn’t tape
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None

~Nate Maness v Jimmy Flick~
Nate Maness is not good enough to be -400 in the UFC. His game revolves around mauling via takedowns.
Jimmy Flick is very, very one dimensional, in that he is submission from guard or bust in pretty much every fight. Whilst sometimes that’s a terrible predicament that leads him to get absolutely destroyed by good strikers…Nate Maness’ style could hand Flick is path to victory on a platter.
Jimmy Flick fights are silly, and the betting odds are always tricky. Flick looks like massive value at the start, but when it falls apart it looks awful.
Easy pass for me. If you wanted to roll the dice, Flick by Submission is the best value bet you can make here.
How I line this fight: Nate Maness -300 (75%), Jimmy Flick +300 (25)
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: Flick by Submission to get the best out of his price.

~Adam Fugitt v Josh Quinlan~
A striker vs grappler affair, but neither guy is particularly good at their side of the duel. Adam Fugitt is an energetic grappler that’s keen to get in your face, but he’s not got the best top control and he can be deterred by a hard hitter.
Josh Quinlan is a guy I’ve been keen to fade since he got the UFC contract, because he very much seems like a R1 finisher or bust. He’s super aggressive and will go hard for the finish, but does leave himself open to being finished himself. Furthermore, he just isn’t a particularly good minute winner either.
I could very easily see Quinlan hitting that early finish against an opponent like Fugitt who isn’t defensively sharp or earning of respect. I could also easily see Fugitt surviving and turning the tide in the second and third. I lean towards Quinlan because I think Fugitt’s approach in the opening round will be asking for trouble, but there’s no way I’d bet on the moneyline here.
How I line this fight: Adam Fuggit +125 (45%), Josh Quinlan -125 (55%)
Bet or pass: None
Prop leans: Betting Quinlan early would probably be the way I’d go, if I had to.
Live Betting Leans: If we’re still going into R2, Fugitt’s chances should increase as Quinlan’s dangerousness fades.

~Carli Judice v Gabriella Fernandes~
Interesting that we’ve got another DWCS split decision loser that’s making a UFC appearance after not getting signed…despite not fighting since. The DWCS fighter laundering continues, as now you don’t even need to win to get a fucking contract.
I actually bet Judice in her DWCS fight. I expected her to have the higher volume and just completely out-hustle her opponent, but weirdly that’s exactly what her opponent did to her. It was a weird one because my read was perfect, just that the other fighter implemented it haha. I also bet Karackaite in her UFC debut, so nice to reclaim a bit of the money lost.
I still think Judice is decent enough for a fighter so inexperienced, and she’s more than just a woman with a 3-1 record. Gabriella Fernandes has historically been unable to stuff a takedown also, which is an interesting narrative that I’m beginning to think about more in the future. I’ve lost two bets this year (Cesar Almeida and Robelis Despaigne) because I didn’t expect their opponents to exploit the obvious grappling disadvantage, so I think it’s worth considering it could be in play for Judice here.
I understand the difference in experience, but this line seems ridiculously wide to me. You simply cannot trust a fighter with bad takedown defence and next to no get ups at -2XX. Judice also isn’t a bad striker, so I don’t think she’s going to get completely obliterated in Fernandes’ world either…so I absolutely can see a path to victory for her.
I’m not going to say I have any idea where the line really should be, but I think fading Fernandes specifically at this price is a totally viable option. I will therefore have 0.5u on Carli Judice at +210.
How I line this fight: Hard to say but definitely not this wide.
Bet or pass: 0.5u Carli Judice to Win (+210)
Prop leans: Judice by Decision, probably

~Julia Polastri v Josefine Knutsson~
I can’t remember if I broke this fight down the first time before it got cancelled, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I bet Knuttson originally at -250, and luckily for me the price actually got better this time around.
Polastri is a fighter I’m familiar with. She’s rangey, and she’s a decent enough striker. She will finish opponents that aren’t on her level, but her awful takedown defence means that her level will always sit somewhere in the middle of the division.
Josefine Knutsson is quite young in her MMA career, but she’s definitely showing some serious promise. She’s got a decent kickboxing record, and was regarded as one of the best P4P female kickboxers before she transitioned over to MMA. In short, I expect her to have a striking advantage against most opponents, Polastri included.
But what makes this one a confident pick, and what makes Knuttson -225, is that she has used her advantage in the standup to dedicate time to working on her grappling. We saw that in her UFC debut – she may have been fighting a can that had no business being in the cage with her, but she was able to show off her grappling, which looked to be at a pretty decent level. It’s probably still a work in progress, but Polastri’s aforementioned lack of takedown defence should make things much easier to the Swede.
So to summarise, Knutsson should be the better striker, and she can easily mix in the takedowns and win with offensive grappling if she needs to. In a sport like WMMA where the ‘puncher’s chance’ is much less reliable an outcome, I struggle to see how Polastri asserts herself as the dominant fighter here. -250 isn’t short enough, so I’ve got Knutsson in a 2u parlay with Asu Almabaev at -110.
How I line this fight: Josefine Knutsson -300 (75%), Julia Polastri +300 (25%)
Bet or pass: 2u Josefine Knuttson to Win at -110 (parlayed with Asu Almabaev)
Prop leans: None

~Jeka Saragih v Westin Wilson~
Jeka Saragih lost to Anshul Jubli, who has gone on to show you how low level the Asian MMA scene really is. I don’t think many/any of the fighters that came from Road to UFC are going to stick around too long, and Saragih is likely to be included in that. He got a shock win against Lucas Alexander last time (shoutout to me for suggesting that might happen), but a 90 second KO is a great way to fugazi the fans into thinking you’re better than you actually are.
Westin Wilson is a roleplayer who isn’t fit to fight in LFA, let alone the UFC. It’s an absolute joke that he’s fighting for a second time in the company.
Jeka is -300. Horrible price for someone of his calibre, but I understand why Wilson is being given so little chance himself. An ugly fight, and a betting line that captures that well. Just pass.
How I line this fight: no.
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None

Bets (Bold = been placed)
2u Tagir Ulanbekov to Win (-167)
3u Garrett Armfield to Win (-175)
2u Asu Almabaev & Josefine Knutsson to Win (-110)
0.5u Carli Judice to Win (+210)
0.25u Parlay Pieces (+400)

Parlay Pieces: Tagir Ulanbekov, Asu Almabaev, Josefine Knutsson, Garrett Armfield
Dog of the Week: Carli Judice
Picks: Alex Perez, Tagir Ulanbekov, Ikram Aliskerov, Shayilan Nuerdanbieke, Miles Johns, Timmy Cuamba, Asu Almabaev, Nate Maness, Josh Quinlan, Carli Judice, Josefine Knutsson, Jeka Saragih,

Overview of Compounded Semaglutide

Compounded semaglutide is a medication commonly associated with weight loss. It is derived from semaglutide, a glucagon-like peptide-1 (GLP-1) receptor agonist commonly used in the treatment of type 2 diabetes and for weight management.
Benefits

• Weight Loss: Compounded semaglutide has been shown to aid in significant weight loss by reducing appetite and increasing feelings of fullness.
• Blood Sugar Control: It helps in controlling blood sugar levels, making it beneficial for people with type 2 diabetes.
• Customized Dosages: The compounding process allows for personalized dosages, catering to individual patient needs.
• Potential Cost Savings: Compounded medications can sometimes be more cost-effective compared to brand-name drugs.

Side Effects

• Gastrointestinal Issues: Common side effects include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and constipation.
• Hypoglycemia: In some cases, especially when combined with other diabetic medications, it can cause low blood sugar.
• Pancreatitis: There is a potential risk of pancreatitis, although it is rare.
• Allergic Reactions: Some patients might experience allergic reactions to the ingredients used in compounding.

Dosage Information
The dosage of compounded semaglutide can vary based on individual needs and the specific formulation provided by the compounding pharmacy. It's important to follow the healthcare provider’s instructions and the compounding pharmacy’s guidelines. Generally, the medication is administered via injection once weekly, starting with a lower dose and gradually increasing based on tolerance and effectiveness. Oral semaglutide is possible to get from some providers.

• Initial Dose: Typically, a lower dose is prescribed to minimize side effects. Then, your doctor may increase your dosage as they monitor your side effects and results.
• Maintenance Dose: The dose is gradually increased to a maintenance level that effectively controls symptoms. Again, each person does this part slightly differently. Talk with your doctor.

First Week/What to Expect Posts

"I took my first shot of compounded semaglutide 4 days ago, (almost a week) and heres some things I’ve noticed that are so strange!"
1st Week Down
Links are in the first comment so they are easier to edit and add to in the future!

Success Stories and Inspiration

Down 40lbs in 3 months
Down 16.1 lbs in 6 weeks
Links are in the first comment so they are easier to edit and add to in the future!

Where to Buy?

Reddit does not allow direct sourcing questions unless it's name-brand (Ozempic/WeGovy) and/or used with a prescription.
There are bad actors in the semaglutide space. Do not accept DMs from random accounts, do not accept "price lists" from random accounts, etc. They sell them under the guise of "research peptides" - they are not meant for human consumption and are unregulated.
Make sure to buy from a doctor-prescribed source that uses a legit compounding pharmacy. Always talk to a health care professional.

FAQs

What is compounded semaglutide?
Compounded semaglutide is a medication made by compounding pharmacies, tailored to meet the specific needs of individual patients.
Is compounded semaglutide safe?
Compounded semaglutide is generally safe when prescribed by a healthcare provider and prepared by a reputable compounding pharmacy. However, as with any medication, there are potential risks and side effects.
How do I take compounded semaglutide?
Compounded semaglutide is typically administered via a once-weekly injection. Follow the dosage instructions provided by your healthcare provider. Oral semaglutide is also available by some providers.

Links to Studies and Resources

I will add to this regularly and pin it for easy reference. What else should I add?

Consult with a Healthcare Provider

This subreddit and post and comments within it, is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional regarding your medical condition and treatment.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m lost on where to get help and handle food physically and the only answers I’m getting are pointing to a digestive issue.
I’ve been in full recovery from an old ed, I eat freely and have been for a long while. I thought it was just my body getting used to the food. I’m weight restored and “well” but an issue that’s ironically stunting my recovery process is how food is making me feel. I eat most the time and I feel so full, not in a satiety way but in a way that feels like my whole body is bloating so badly that I have to walk constantly to soothe the ache.
I regurgitate bits of food constantly after eating, I’m either horribly consitpated or releasing diarrhea, I get bloated after eating home cooked small portions and eat relatively normal. (rice veggie protein bowls, egg wraps, sourdough, oatmeal bowls, some pastry’s)
I sometimes crash with fatigue after eating, which I again have to fight against by walking after I eat.
I’m going to a doctor Thursday. it’s gotten so bad I just have to eat breakfast slowly, go on a long walk, go home and eat slowly something else, then another long walk, then eat a last meal before it’s the evening so I have the rest of the day to digest my whole caloric maintenance.
which.. it works, I’ve tried so hard to eat these meals throughout the day normally but when I do I feel even more bloated, constipated and or tired. I’m eating enough and it’s the only time my body feels slightly normal. I don’t feel the need to restrict like I used to. but this issue with digestion is making recovery harder as I need to walk constantly to have the food break down or else my stomach cramps or bloats.

This story is one that started a long time ago, but still affects my (32F) day-to-day life. Sorry everyone, it's a long one.
It began about 17 years ago, when I was 15 and still in school. I frequented internet forums including several fan sites of video games and books I enjoyed. One of these was a role playing forum where I and five others were writing stories together in our favourite universes. I got along well with the other members and it was a great way for me to learn English. Importantly, we only ever communicated through text, never through voice or video calls.
This is where I met the main character of this story, let's call him Tom. Tom said he was 19 years old, and was the only guy active on the forum. He had a great way with words, was mature beyond his years, and had a natural charisma about him. Naturally, as a 15-year-old with no prior experience with relationships, I was instantly drawn to this mysterious, well-spoken figure. Over the course of a month since meeting him, our conversations grew in frequency and depth, until eventually we spoke to each other on chat clients for 3-4 hours a day. At the same time, we continued writing our stories, including a plethora of romantic scenes between our respective characters. We also shared poems that we had written. It was an intense experience for me - I had never really had such a deep connection with a 'boy' before.
My parents never really taught me the importance of internet safety, and I can't blame them: it was all still very new at this time, also to them. It was Tom and my other friends on the forum that stressed how important it was to keep personal information private, especially when they learned my age. Tom especially was adamant never to share my location or photo with anyone, not even with him. It made me feel safe with him - for how could someone who so actively dissuaded me from sharing my information be a monster?
Of course I fell in love with him, to whatever extent a 15-year-old brain can comprehend love.
From written descriptions I had given of myself, Tom had expressed that he thought I must look beautiful, and so the fool that I was I gathered up the courage to send him a picture of myself anyway, desperate for his approval. He was complimentary, but did ask me why I had sent him a picture. I admitted my feelings for him. Tom was understanding, but stressed that he would never be able to give me what I needed from him.
Still, that did not stop either of us from progressing the nature of our interactions into something more sinister. I call it sinister looking back on it as an adult; at the time it was titillating and exciting. We started to send each other 'kisses' goodnight, sent back and forth explicit drawings depicting characters that looked like us, and described other intimate interactions over chat.
My mother once came into my room and witnessed Tom calling me by an endearing term. She interrogated me and I begged her not to make me break off contact with Tom. She listened to me, but made me promise her to be sensible. I want to scream at her now for not stopping it then.
My school friends did what my mother could not: they were concerned for my safety, and stepped to the headmistress, who called me into her office. After telling Tom about the encounter, he panicked. He told me we could no longer chat, and made me promise to tell the headmistress that it was over. I was heartbroken, but promised him.
I did ask Tom if we could still communicate through other means - we were doing some online art projects together that we both wanted to finish. He said yes, we could still maintain contact over e-mail and forum DM, but chat was off the table for now. I took what I could get.
The years that followed were chaotic. Sometimes our contact would be e-mail only, then we would move back to chat. At times, when things got too hard, I would decide to go no-contact for a while. I had my first real relationships in the lulls, but I would always come back. Tom would always receive me with open arms, either as a friend whenever I was dating someone, or rekindling our romantic interactions when I was not. He was always kind, patient, sensitive, and seemed selfless in his interactions with me. He made me feel so good about myself that I became obsessed with him, convinced he was the love of my life.
Three years in, Tom knew my real name, knew where I lived, and had seen nudes of me (he used one as his desktop background for years). At the same time, I knew nothing about Tom. What was worse, the few details he had unintentionally revealed weren't adding up.
Tom always portrayed our story as one of star-crossed lovers who due to circumstance outside our control could never be together. He told me I would never love him if I ever saw him in real life. First he claimed that his face had been ruined by flesh-eating bacteria. When my biology degree taught me that it's nearly impossible to survive that, he claimed body dysmorphic disorder (which I think to some extent was true).
Things reached boiling point six years into this mess. He slipped up, and revealed a detail about his life that directly contradicted the only concrete thing he had ever told me about himself: his age. I took a day to process, then confronted him, asking him how old he really was. After some initial resistance, he admitted that he had lied.
Mid-thirties, he said. A decade(!) older than he had at first claimed. I should have been furious, but after 6 years of being charmed and manipulated by him, I could only feel sorry for him. When I assured him that nothing between us had to change because of a 'number', he dropped the next bombshell:
Tom: "Alright then. Mid-forties."
I felt like I couldn't breathe. For years, I had been having sexually explicit conversations with someone old enough to be my father when I had believed him to be my age. What was worse, it had all started when I was underage. I gave Tom an ultimatum: either tell me the full truth about who he was; or lose me forever. I gave him two weeks to send me his information. He decided not to, which should have immediately set off the alarm bells that there was even more he was lying about; more he had to hide. I didn't even consider that in the moment; my heart was broken once again, and I cut off contact.
At the time, Tom and I had a number of mutual friends that we both spoke to regularly. Two of these were my cousin and his wife. I went to see them after I found out about Tom's real age, trying to find solace and understanding from someone who also knew him. I felt incredibly betrayed and angry, and asked that they also break contact - maybe that was a bit of an a-hole move. They said no: after all, Tom had never revealed his age to my cousin or his wife. As such, he had never lied to them, only to me, and they were not willing to end their friendship with Tom over that. When I asked what they thought of a 40-year-old having explicit conversations with a 15-year-old, they said that from a certain age, the teenager also has a responsibility in preventing this.
My cousin and his wife were not the only mutual friends that knew what was going on. Amazingly and invariably, NONE of our mutual friends chose to break contact with Tom over this. It caused immense doubt in me. Was I wrong in judging Tom for lying to me? Maybe the lie wasn't so terrible. And all those explicit conversations? Well, I instigated a large number of them, not Tom, so maybe I was equally, if not largely, to blame.
The way I see it now: Tom is like a cult leader: no matter what he does or says, his 'followers' will defend him; even blame themselves if it strips him of guilt. What is worse, anyone who dropped out of his inner circle would feel incredibly isolated and excluded. My friends would not play games with me because they preferred playing games with him. They would not write with me, because writing with him was so much more fun. I wish I'd had the strength to stay away, but one year later I came crawling back, desperate to be included into his circle once again, desperate for his affection that the others seemed to thrive under.
I was 22 at this time. Our contact was sporadic for the next four years - I was hesitant to engage romantically with him, even though part of me, despite everything he had put me through, still 'loved' him (trust me, writing this down, my naivety is making me want to claw my eyes out). I entered a relationship with someone else during this time, and went back to no-contact for most of its 4-year duration. When that relationship ended, Tom and I started talking more again, slowly slipping back into old habits and using the same terms of endearment we had used in the past. Tom revealed more details about himself now - he would talk about his boss, his sister, his friends, his home-town, and discussed things that were going on in his personal life. We also started talking over voice-chat, and damn it, he had an attractive voice.
I had just turned 27 when a response of his triggered me. We were recalling the early days of our interactions, and I mentioned how he had once accidentally sent me an e-mail from a throwaway account. I recalled the address letter by letter (I have a mild form of autism). He went very quiet, and then said that my memory was astounding.
Something in my lizard brain decided to look up the name in that e-mail address. I had done the same 12 years prior, but I had much more information now. It took me three hours to cross-reference the tidbits of information he had fed me over the months and years within the context of this name. And what do you know: it WAS his real name. I continued looking for the rest of the evening.. and I found much more than I bargained for.
You see, Tom was not the only person registered to his house. He was reported to live there with a woman who shared his last name, let's call her Hannah. I naively thought she might be the sister he mentioned (though he had given another name). Fortunately for me, Hannah was a lot less careful than Tom with her personal information, and I soon found a link to her blog on her Twitter page. A goldmine of information, going back over 10 years, covering almost every single day since Tom and I started talking.
My blood went cold as I started reading. It soon became clear to me that not only was Hannah his WIFE of 25-or-so years, they had an 11-year-old SON together (let's call him Jacob). I was 100% sure it was his wife writing - I could easily cross-reference the little things he had told me (assembling a bookcase, having lamb for dinner, visiting SIL for the weekend, getting a sunburn) with the details she was sharing about their life.
Once more, I should have run for the hills. Once more, I didn't. I often wonder how I could have been so stupid as to let this shitshow continue for so long, despite the thousand-and-one reasons Tom had given me to drop him. I can only attribute it to some kind of twisted sunk cost fallacy. By recognising Tom for the monster that he was, I had to face having loved that monster for over a decade. It meant admitting to myself that I was a terrible judge of character, and how could I possibly trust anyone ever again if I could not trust my own judgment? Also, all our mutual friends had always normalised his behaviour to the extent that it seemed almost arrogant to say that HE was in the wrong.
Because of the reactions that I had received from my friends and cousin last time, I kept what I knew to myself, even from Tom. Enter the next ridiculous phase of the story: Tom was saying how he was ordering a passport SO THAT HE COULD COME TO VISIT ME AND MY COUSIN. And idiot that I was, I wanted nothing more, because I was STILL IN LOVE WITH THE SH*T even after everything he had done, now not only to me, but also to his wife Hannah and his son.
I met him in real life five months later. He would be visiting my house for the day, and I was planning to confront him about what I knew. I had given one of my close friends his real name and address, and had told them to contact the police in the event they didn't hear from me by evening - I had no idea how Tom would react when exposed. Probably the fact that I felt unsafe in the first place should have been enough reason not to meet him alone.
We met, and I wish I didn't feel attracted to this 50-year-old but I did. We talked a lot. Eventually, I decided to test him, to see if he would be disloyal to his wife. While our conversations had definitely been flirty over the past year or so, I had never actually been straight with Tom and told him I still felt the same way. So I told him. Credit to him where it is due, he said he couldn't pursue a relationship with me, but followed it up with 'that we could still hold hands and hug'. He did not tell me why he couldn't, of course.
Only then did I reveal what I knew. I told him I've known for months now what his real name is, where he works, where he lives, and who he lives with. I probably could've been a bit more sensitive in how I brought it up (but let's be honest he doesn't deserve it and I was pretty pissed off keeping this stuff inside for 5 months). He turned incredibly pale and said that I could ask him anything I wanted to know. I asked him about his wife and their relationship (which hadn't been good for years according to him), his son (the pride of his life), and why on earth he had chosen to have explicit exchanges with a 15-year-old as a married man ('I was drunk').
During his stay, we were never intimate in the 'spicy' way, but we did hold hands a lot, he would have his hand on my leg, and we shared long hugs. He stayed the nights at my cousin's, and a few days later he left to go back to his country.
I am not proud of what happened next. Over the next months, we video chatted almost every evening. The conversations got flirtier, the amount of clothes we were wearing diminished until we both went into the calls topless.
One night, things escalated. We had gotten into a fight earlier in the evening - he had revealed that during that first real-life meeting, he had made an audio recording of the whole conversation, apparently so he could later prove to his wife that nothing happened. I responded that it was ok (it totally wasn't but that's beside the point), that I had taken precautions as well, and told him about the friend I had contacted. He lost it, saying I had no right to share his personal details with my friend or anyone else. I got angry in return, saying that he had no reason to distrust me as in the 12 years of knowing each other I had never lied to him; on the other hand I had EVERY reason to distrust him as he literally hid a wife and son from me, and had lied to a 15-year-old girl about his age.
We were both emotionally drained after, and I took things a step further that night, and seduced him into doing more together in front of the camera, maybe knowing that he would be too drained to refuse. He asked me later if I had consciously manipulated him into going along with it, choosing a vulnerable moment to strike - maybe I did, and I regret it.
Over the next months, our 'mishap' developed into a full-blown affair. I visited his home-town about 5 times in the year that followed. We kissed, and did basically everything apart from the 'deed' itself. I think he never wanted to have traditional sex either because then he could keep justifying to himself that he hadn't cheated on his wife, or because he was terrified of getting me pregnant. During my stays in his home-town, he would bring his son Jacob along to our lunches and dinners. Mostly to pacify his wife I suspect, for how could it be an affair with his son around? I loved the kid, we got along well, but I hated the lie that I had to live. To put myself through this was one thing, but it was so unbelievably unfair on Hannah and Jacob.
The whole situation sent me into severe depression. I was abandoning my morals for this man whom I still could not trust. I was lonely, and didn't date because I refused to be a cheater myself (maybe hypocritical). With every real-life meeting, his mask slipped further, and by the end there was little left of the charismatic, caring man that I had imagined him to be. Still, I was so entangled with him that I could not imagine my life without Tom. I did not know who I was without this person, who had completely overshadowed at this point almost half my life and all my adult life. I was stuck.
Eventually, I gave Tom an ultimatum again: Hannah, or me. I gave him two months to make up his mind. We spoke daily, and as his 'deadline' was approaching he became verbally aggressive with me, saying that he wasn't enjoying our conversations as much as he used to because I kept bringing up the choice he had to make. I asked him what he needed from me. He said he needed more time. I am ashamed to say I gave him that time.
I was lucky to have found two very close friends among my colleagues over the course of this whole drama. They had slowly witnessed the situation devolve into something unmaintainable. One of them often visited when I had panic attacks; she even slept next to me on the bad nights to make sure I'd be ok. They recommended me to make written lists of the red flags that I saw, the abusive behaviours Tom had demonstrated, and the effects the whole situation was having on me. They made me see how he would never choose me, that he was happy using everything and everyone as long as it served his needs. They slowly guided me into making the right decision during a work conference, when I didn't have time to contact Tom. Being away from his reach for a week, combined with the continuous talks with my two friends throughout the conference, made me strong enough to make a decision. Together, we agreed that as soon as I got back home, I would call Tom and cut ties with him. My friends would be available on call straight after.
Thanks to my friends, I went through with it. I cut contact almost three years ago now. As expected, he did not fight for me, and never tried to contact me again. My friends saw me through the worst of it.
Four months after cutting ties with Tom, I met the man who is now my husband, and we are currently expecting a baby. He makes me unbelievably happy, and has taught me what a loving relationship should feel like. He knows about this whole story and is very supportive. He even encouraged me to post this as he believes it'd help me process things.
I am still in touch with some of Tom's friends: my cousin, his wife, and a 40-year-old woman who has been my friend since the start of this whole story and was my MOH during my wedding. I have decided not to hold it against them that they cannot let go of Tom - hell, I couldn't let go for 14 years. It just demonstrates the horrible grip and influence he has on people. My MOH and I have an understanding that we don't discuss Tom, and that saved the friendship - we actually have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company a lot. I refuse to lose any more people over him.
I am in a good place now, looking forward to the future, and can't wait to meet our child. Still, this experience has not left me unscathed. I still struggle with trust, in other people and myself, and feel that I am responsible for a lot of what happened. I feel incredibly ashamed and naive for my behaviour over the years. I especially feel horrible about what I did to Hannah and Jacob - as far as I know, Tom never told them about the affair, but I would be very surprised if Hannah didn't know what was going on. I do have my suspicions that I am not the only one Tom did this with, but I have no proof, and it does not take away any of my responsibility in all of this.
So reddit: did I seduce Tom as a 15-year-old, or did he groom me and manipulate me into falling for him? Or was our interaction simply toxic on both sides, and not any one person's fault? And AITA for having pursued this affair even after I found out Tom was married? Also, should I reach out to Hannah (though honestly I would be a bit scared to do so, and I don't feel at all like reinserting myself into Tom's life in any way)?
And finally the question that still keeps me up at night: did Tom ruin half my life, or did I do that all by myself? And if I had a role to play in this, am I fit to be a mother?
TL;DR: As a 15-year-old, I fell in love with a man who claimed he was 19 but was actually 40. 12 years later, I found out he had a wife and son, but had become so infatuated with him that I pursued an affair with him. I ended the affair two years later but still feel guilty. I feel like much of what happened is my responsibility, since I instigated most of the intimacy. AITA?

Lumbar CT w/o contrast notes: FINDINGS: Alignment normal. Vertebral heights are maintained. No listhesis. At L4-5 there is broad-based disc bulge. No stenosis. Short pedicles congenitally. At L5-S1 there is mild disc height loss and disc bulge or protrusion. No central canal or foraminal stenosis resulting.
Lumbar MRI w/o contrast notes: FINDINGS: Normal alignment. No fracture or aggressive marrow lesion. The conus terminates at L1. The paraspinal soft tissues and imaged retroperitoneal structures are unremarkable. Degenerative changes by level: T12-L1: The disc is well hydrated. No significant stenosis. L1-L2: The disc is well hydrated. No significant stenosis. L2-L3: The disc is well hydrated. No significant stenosis. L3-L4: The disc is well hydrated. No significant stenosis. L4-L5: The disc is well hydrated. No significant stenosis. L5-S1: The disc is well hydrated. No significant stenosis.
With the above, I've been told by ER docs and my neurologist that my spine is normal. That said, no one has done any physical examination of me or given me any other direction on what the cause of my symptoms is or how to handle. I am finally seeing an orthopedic Doc on Friday.
Generally, symptoms now are: A deep intense pain to the right of my lumbar spine when I move wrong. I think it is a deep stabbing nerve pain. Sometimes my whole lower back feels like it's cramping up but I think that is a response to my guarding it. Sometimes a painful pulling sensation more in the middle of my back if I move my hips a certain way (like curving my back - a movement I've been avoiding but if I accidentally do causes this sensation). Nerve pain that throbs all the way down from my lumbar area, through butt, down my right leg and into foot, and causes any pressure on back of thigh or calf to hurt. I end up avoiding standing on this leg and sometimes even limp (by keeping my pelvis stiff) without thinking about it when it's most painful just to avoid using it much. Paresthesia in right foot, primarily middle toes feeling like 1/4th numb, tingling, pins and needles - this is the most persistent symptom, the least changing one (whereas the others sort of change in intensity or even go away some days). Sometimes more of my foot is affected. A sore bruised like feeling in tailbone. The whole leg just feels so tight and throbby. This intense flare up has been going on a month now.
I'm just lost. So does this mean it's muscular? Pelvic? Clearly a nerve is being compressed somewhere. I am scheduled with PT but not til June 26. I've been trying to cope by just following good back hygiene and balancing rest with walking. This has brought me to a more tolerable pain level, so I am debilitated but not in tears agonozing every night like I was a few days ago. I'm trying to be comforted by the fact that my spine looks okay, but am therefore confused by the intensity of my symptoms. Just now, the mere twisting/bending caused by going to the bathroom (such as to wipe) caused an alarming increase in my foot numbness.
Just wondering what others might think. I need a direction for healing. Thanks for your insight.
ETA: I am getting a thoracic MRI this week as well.

7 y/o pitbull mix has bright red blood in feces for 1.5 weeks
Hi, my pitbull mix has always had a sensitive stomach, and blood in stool every once in a while isn’t uncommon with him. However, for the past 10-11 days he has had both normal stools and diarrhea with blood coming at the end of the stool. Not every time, but about half. The first poop of the day is usually solid, followed by a looser more liquid poop. On the first day it happened, he also vomited, but that was the only time.
He eats normally, acts normally, just has some blood in his stool. I am freaking out. I have a vet appointment set for Wednesday and I hope to find what is happening then. Can someone please give some advice or at least a story of something similar with their dog so I can know what to expect. I am freaking out about possible cancer because I can not afford a dog surgery right now

Not that anyone at this gives a single flying fuck but I did this so I’m posting it. I have included all works from the main 13 albums and singles excluding
The b Side of yellow submarine as no actual beatle plays on it
Those German covers as they really aren’t so different from the original and I didn’t see the point
Unreleased material such as ultra deluxe or whatever the fuck and the l unreleased stuff from anthology (excluding the 3 last Beatles songs)
There’s a couple of unpopular opinions here so don’t go too hard on me I love them all in my own way,
214:WILD HONEY PIE: To be clear I don’t dislike the idea of the song, but I just think it’s a huge middle finger to the album. I can’t help but laugh at it as it is a mockery of Paul McCartney by Paul McCartney. I can’t help but think it’s what John thinks his little jaudy ditties sound like. However I think it’s horrible to have to listen to I’m not angry at it, just disappointed. It really could’ve been a good parody song, as it however. I think it’s a filler interlude.
213: BOYS: The original version is leagues better, and when it comes to the Beatles that’s saying something. I can’t think of anything that justifies the existence of this song. The only redeeming aspect is it’s refreshing to hear ringo sing sometimes, he does a fine job of it.
212: A TASTE OF HONEY Trashy song too sweet and pissy for me (for a great lack of a better term) Paul sounds bad on this, the whole thing sounds trashy. Drivel
211: P.S I LOVE YOU Does nothing for me.
210: SUN KING Oh a hot take. Or is it, I won’t count the medley itself as no one else seems to but if so I respect it way more than it’s placed. It’s a bit trippy but not to an extent of intriguing me. The translation to mr mustard is great but I’m not ranking that. On its own, In My Opinion, bad
209: PLEASE PLEASE ME Has everything that I dislike about the early work, especially the harmonica, fine singing but could’ve been synced better.
208: THIS BOY Forgettable and boring to me
207: SEXY SADIE fascinating song but not particularly good or interesting in my opinion. The stories of who’s it about however are worth looking into.
206: ASK ME WHY Might it have something to do with love. As you might tell I’m not big on please please me. This one blends in with the rest of the album
205: CHAINS Not an awful song but it’s not overly good. George’s vocals haven’t gotten great yet so he still could use some work. Perfectly bland song
204: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET I am aware this song has a relatively large fan base but this is not for me at all. Sorry
203: THE END First off the “Oh Yeah! All Right!” Are indeed iconic. Everyone’s playing their heart out. Some of Ringos best work. But I don’t know, it doesn’t punch me like I think it should. I like this, but I should love it, and I don’t.
202: GOLDEN SLUMBERS Too repetitive for me to get into. This is the only Beatles song that could’ve been shorter. That’ll be ironic as I pretty much think every Beatles song is too short except this one.
201: ROLL OVER BEETHOVEN Berry did it better
200: ANOTHER GIRL I didn’t think anything of it at all to be honest.
199: TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE Fine, not that good, but fine
198: YOU KNOW MY NAME (LOOK UP THE NUMBER) They’re taking the absolute piss. I’m glad this exists but I don’t want to listen to it.
197: BIRTHDAY It’s a birthday song, you know, typical white album. Fine.
196: FLYING This is such a fucking vibe, not much after you’ve heard it the once but still, not bad at all for a mostly instrumental song
195: WHEN I GET HOME It wasn’t that bad, and it wasn’t that good
194: I WANNA BE YOUR MAN Eh
193: THINGS WE SAID TODAY Better but we’re not THE BEATLES yet
192: IM HAPPY JUST TO DANCE WITH YOU Somewhat memorable, kinda boring, not shit
191: ITS ONLY LOVE I’ve heard worse
190: I CALL YOUR NAME Not much to say about these particular songs, they aren’t shit but they’re not at that quality of good, these are the awkward songs.
189: REVOLUTION 1 I originally heard it on the white album and thought “wow that was really mid” the I heard the original single and I thought “wow they really fucked that song” still noice lyrics
188: JULIA Calm ass song. A lot of people love this song to bits but I just don’t relate to it that much, with age I expect to like this song more
187: ALL TOGETHER NOW I guess it’s fine
186: DON’T BOTHER ME It’s just meh
185: HOLD ME TIGHT Still meh
184: DIG IT I like this but it’s so short and non sensical I can’t put it any higher
183: I SAW HER STANDING THERE I like this, but it’s still a bit too sappy
182: BLUE JAY WAY This is a weird ass song. Very George. It has those uppy downy lyrics, there’s a lot to like here but also a fair few things that I don’t like, like the lyrics could have been more defined and worked on, and it could use some more power in the vocals
181: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER Karmas a bitch
180: THE NIGHT BEFORE This one has better production but the same blandness that culminates in old Beatles music
179: WAIT There’s going to be enough hot takes on this list anyway so I will contain my feelings on rubber soul. Let’s just say the Beatles evolutions had a middle ground from lovey dovey 60s bops to the psychedelic rock they’re know for. That middle ground is rubber soul, not a bad album, but like the stage from a child to an adult, kinda messed up. This album has some re great moments. But it also has wait, which isn’t bad, but it’s not everything you would want from this particular album.
178: CRY BABY CRY It’s good, idk what else to say not Beatles good but I wouldn’t skip it
177: LOVE ME DO This song just makes you feel happy, nothing else
176: KANSAS CITY/HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY It was ok but I can tell this track wasn’t over fixated on
175: I NEED YOU You can tell it’s an older Beatles
174: DIZZY MISS LIZZY I know there’s a recent dislike for this one but it never fails to make me smile. It’s so fucking chaotic I love it, it does have its production flaws but John is singing his heart out. This is what I want from a Beatles cover track
173: IVE JUST SEEN A FACE Charming enough song
172: TICKET TO RIDE A classic I’m sure. Really has a nice groove and what it lacks in lyrics makes up for in sound.
171: ONLY A NORTHERN SONG I agree with the rest of the group that if this was on Sargent peppers it would be the worst track. However that’s not to take away from it. It’s a charming piece, it has all the elements of Harrison but overall it is only a northern song
170: SOMETHING Damn here’s the first one I might not survive. People who were on the fence before will probably switch to the ‘eh, fuck this guy’ field. I don’t dislike the song, it’s a good song, it’s a great love song but it’s a very expected feet. Every line while sung with excellence is very conventional, it’s tropey. Perhaps it’s too far to call it cheesey. And don’t get me wrong I love the simple cheesey songs a lot (just wait till you see where I put silver hammer). But this one just doesn’t strike a nerve for me. I did think the same thing about strawberry fields forever for a while before listening to it more so maybe it’ll crawl up the ranks someday but overall I think it’s a nice love song that has some great production but after that it’s overshadowed by the rest of the album.
169: ALL MY LOVING Yeah, it’s a classic, who couldn’t like it
168: MOTHER NATURES SON This one has a huge fanbase as well. It’s a good song, great use of imagery and metaphors. Doesn’t do much after that in terms of production and the way it’s sang, just a nice song to chill to in my opinion.
167: ALL I’VE GOT TO DO Again, short, sweet song
166: YOU NEVER GIVE ME YOUR MONEY Yeah this one’s interesting. It goes through a fair amount of genres for one song. On one hand its structure is something of a mess, however it still is a good listen, it’s cute in the best sense. The fact that it’s about Allen Kline is also funny if not a little saddening
165: IT WONT BE LONG Wasn’t long, still nice
164: ANY TIME AT ALL Just another comfrey Beatles song
163: YOU’VE GOT TO HIDE YOUR LOVE AWAY Although I think this song is a little overrated not bad
162: DEAR PRUDENCE I know I like this song a lot less than others do. It takes a while to get going but when it hits that euphoric moment you know I’m talking about it’s bliss, but the first half kinda dull
161: BECAUSE A little oddity on the Abby road medley that’s just, I don’t know, conflicting. If it where longer maybe I could decide if I liked it or not but for now it stays here
160: THANK YOU GIRL Sweet little song that gives you a warm feeling
159: LONG LONG LONG At this point in the white album that’s what I was thinking. It’s not bad but it could’ve been longer (no pun intended) and released as a single with the right editing. George Martin could make it work I’m sure
158: I WILL Here’s how I feel. I always like it when I hear it, but forget what it sounds like 2 seconds after.
157: IF I FELL Cheesy but still pretty catchy
156: AND I LOVE HER This is nice also
155: LITTLE CHILD Though the lyrics in 2024 sound a little ‘noncey’ that’s part of the reason why it sticks out to me. It always gives me a chuckle. Little child… the way he says “I’m so sad and LoNeLy” is so cartoony and I like it.
154: ILL GET YOU Yeah, good, fine, acceptable
153: BACK IN THE U.S.S.R This is why the Beatles beat the beach boys for me this. Classic song that probably had America tugging at there collars, just genius
152: ITS ALL TOO MUCH Again this isn’t bad, am I blown away, not necessarily. But this is a bop
151: THERES A PLACE I like this quite nice I think
150: A HARD DAYS NIGHT A lot of people love it, I just think it’s fine, good song I guess
149: ILL CRY INSTEAD These are the songs that are well produced but lyrically forgettable. This is one of ‘em
148: EVERY LITTLE THING I really like Beatles for sale, it’s so fun, it’s a fun album. Every little thing isn’t badly written but I listen for the music. George is good on this, ringos subtly great. Just wholesome
147: EVERYBODY’S TRYING TO BE MY BABY A song of its time, and quite and tie tapper if you ask me
146: WORDS OF LOVE A pleasant song for any day
145: DAY TRIPPER Nice melody, ok lyrics, good enough song
144:BEING FOR THE BENEFIT OF MR KITE When I first heard this song I didn’t listen to the lyrics, the ones I did catch lead me to believe that it was some sort of political song with mr k being some sort of satirical caricature. Upon second listen I realised it’s just a song about a circus performer putting on a show, I can interpret some lyrics as a reference to some political nature but I think it really boils down to a circus song. It’s giving me a sense of stereotypical Halloween music you’d hear with the way the rhythm goes up and down frequently in the same line. Just a fun little jingle. Also I believe if Paul had wrote it John would have hated it, many probably do hate it. What does everyone have against whimsy?
143: CANT BYE ME LOVE Cliché yes, catchy yes, enjoyable yes
142: THINK FOR YOURSELF Fine little song with not much to write about
141: FREE AS A BIRD I am quite conflicted on the 3 last Beatles songs. They are mostly John Lennon demos rather than Beatles mixes. I was of two minds including them but I thought I may as well because they are interesting to talk about. I don’t think these are as cash cow despicable as some would argue. A lot work has clearly been done to preserve them and restore them. It’s hard to look at this song on its own basis. On its own it’s pleasant, but overall I do not really know why they bothered to release it as a Beatles track, it feels very unbeatles to me but as I say I don’t dislike it, I’m just not sure on where I stand on its purpose
140: REAL LOVE I have the exact same opinion on this one I just like the song better
139: MAGGIE MAY I just think love the accents alright. How long is it 50 seconds? For the life of me I’ll never get why they didn’t make their songs longer. I fancy me chances with this one
138: DEVIL IN HER HEART Solid cover of a very good song
137: PIGGIES This one’s kinda weird. We all get the piggies are elite pricks but the way George pronounces dirt just sells me on it. Good effort, could’ve been longer.
136: EIGHT DAYS A WEEK I like it, don’t love it, it’s what you expect but it does deliver in that regard
135: HELP! Iconic, reasonably catchy, just wholesome man
134:IF I NEEDED SOMEONE Rubber soul being kind of quirky comes through softly but noticeably here
133: MEAN MR MUSTARD This song just flows man. I love the lyrics, like the instruments and how they bounce off each other. Just the right amount of absurdity. If only it were longer…
132: HELLO GOODBYE Classic, I do like this one, but you know I always forget how much until I listen to it again
131: LONG TALL SALLY A lot of people hate this one but I think it’s fine
130: TWIST AND SHOUT COMEONCOMEONCOMEONCOMEONCOMEOWWN
129: ILL BE BACK Yeah, not bad, not bad at all, rather good actually
128: TELL ME WHY Classes Beatles getting it right
127: TILL THERE WAS YOU You know, maybe with the Beatles gets too much hate
126: OLD BROWN SHOE Not one of George’s best and the mixing is jarring but the lyrics are very nice
125: FROM ME TO YOU Just a sweet song, nothing wrong with that
124: SHES A WOMAN Not much to unpack, Paul is good in this though
123: MICHELLE Everyone loves Michelle. It’s a dainty song that isn’t that great, but good, it’s just so quaint
122:THE WORD The n word. No love of course. Maximum corniness but still a treat to hear, Lennon sings it believably
121: WHAT GOES ON How eloquent, idfk
120: BAD BOY Now junior, behave yourself! I just needed to hear Lennon say that and I was hooked. Weird to release a cover as a single but I won’t complain
119 : FIXING A HOLE Fun psychedelia, bring the family
118: MATCHBOX Just a song on the struggles of life, Beatles style
117: ONE AFTER 909 Chaotic song that gets the blood flowing. Also regrettably relatable
116: GETTING BETTER The charm is in the McCartney Lennon dynamic. Paul says it’s getting better everyday. John says it can’t get much worse. Doesn’t that sum up those two quiet well. Just so vibrant. This era had so much colour.
115: FOR YOU BLUE Solid song, ain’t bad at all
114: ACT NATURALLY I like this song a lot. Ringo fits well for it, it’s playful, just so pleasing
113: I DONT WANT TO SPOIL THE PARTY Another underrated song from Beatles for sale.
112: BABY ITS YOU This is fun
111: MONEY (THATS WHAT I WANT) Good cover, maybe not as good as the original but you can just feel the mayhem going on through the speakers
110: YOU WONT SEE ME Mmhm, mmhm, yup, that’s some nice music
109: YOU LIKE ME TOO MUCH A playful, goofy ass song that has some great lines and a pretty fine beat
108: YOUR MOTHER SHOULD KNOW Heartwarming, just, heartwarming
107: YOU CANT DO THAT Not perfect but undeniably based
106: NOT A SECOND TIME A great story mixed with some simply beautiful descriptions making up a song that hits different form other songs of the similar nature
105: SLOW DOWN It’s the bluddy beetles mate, whatja expect
104: YOU’RE GOING TO LOOSE THAT GIRL The character in this story is such a dick but I just can’t help vibing with him. He’s such a cnt that he says he gonna steal the guys girl right to the guys face. That’s hilarious and I really like it
103: GOOD MORNING GOOD MORNING Gets too much hate for what it is
102: RAIN I don’t know what it is about rain that grabs me but every time I listen I just get drawn in, it’s very clean
101: MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR ROLLUP ROLLUP. God I think this is so vibrant, so colourful, just really cool, great harmony, overshadowed by the rest of the album
100: MISERY Misery stuck with me, unexpectedly based for a first album
99: YES IT IS Yeah yeah yeah this one’s pretty good yeah
98: CARRY THAT WEIGHT I just sing this all the time randomly. It’s to the point, honest, fun. I don’t know what accents they’re singing in this time but it’s great. Not much of a lullaby though.
97: WHY DONT WE DO IT IN THE ROAD This one just makes me happy. I know it’s kind of filler but the way Paul increasingly hypes things up in his vocals make me smile. Big fan of this, thing
96:HONEY DONT I liked this a lot the first time I heard it and frankly I still do
95: IN MY LIFE When rubber soul gets it right it can end up like this song. And that’s a good thing
94: NOWHERE MAN Lyrically enchanting, some hot instrumentation. Production ok and a more memorable song from rubber soul
93: I FEEL FINE Yup this is fine
92: YESTERDAY A song you think is overplayed until you listen and it’s just so good. A real highlight from the early years, my favourite from help, a somber melody that is sang flawlessly by Paul
91: LOVELY RITA A song of a somewhat unlikely love that is different enough from the Beatles other love songs to stand out
90: WHILE MY GUITAR GENTLY WEEPS Why is it so low I hear you scream. Well to be honest FOR ME the verses while lyrically interesting don’t stand out in my mind. Obviously the chorus is incredible but it’s just as the rest of the verses which mind you are still good that bring it down for me. A song not really my thing till the chorus hits but still the fact that it’s there makes it worth the listen
89: HER MAJESTY Yes, I prefer this over while my guitar gently weeps. Moving on, I think this is a fun, tongue in cheek song that I always thought implied he was talking about money. Think about it, her majesty is on all the bank notes, she certainly doesn’t have a lot to say in that case, price changes from day to day. Paul loves it but to get it he has to get a belly full of wine to make it… think about it.
88: SHE CAME IN THROUGH THE BATHROOM WINDOW Ah, this one. The intrigue of the contrast of the chorus and the verses. One of my favourite from the medley
87: YOU REALLY GOT A HOLD ON ME With the Beatles being underrated again
86: TOMORROW NEVER KNOWS Look, I don’t dislike this song, it’s just a bit messy for me. There’s a lot going on and I like that but ultimately the trippy style is done better in other songs like day in the life. But I do like that George Martin on the piano isn’t half bad, he’s one of twelve fifth Beatles I hear
85: HERE COMES THE SUN I like George I swear. This song is really good and I like it but I just wouldn’t listen to it as much as some higher ones below. The changing of the seasons to describe a relationship isn’t new but it fit’s really well here I think.
84: IM SO TIRED Would be higher if it were longer, good, very good, too short
83: POLYTHENE PAM The fucking accents. Love the weird ass story of the gender ambiguous Pam and her drag persona as in a polythene bag. Just a fun character song
82: DOCTOR ROBERT My least favourite from revolver but still charming enough
81: WHAT YOUR DOING Just good
80: BLACKBIRD I really like this. I want to love it, but it’s so goddamn short man. Oh well what we got is still great
79: DONT PASS ME BY Weird, goofy, sung by ringo. A real gem of a song off the white album.
78: ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC A cover almost better than the original berry’s. Almost is still a hard feet to reach.
77: IM LOOKING THROUGH YOU The loss of a love has been done many times by these guys but this is one of there best
76: WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS The lyrics are kinda mid in my opinion but hearing ringo sing always has its perks
75: IVE GOT A FEELING Very good song, production a little iffy but not horrible, I think let it be is given too much shit for that
74: GOOD NIGHT They subverted my expectations with this one. What a way to end such a large album, I think this one is cute and light and just very sweet. Whispering is somewhat creepy though.
73: WITHIN YOU WITHOUT YOU We all know they were on a lot of serious shit during this era but goddamn the lsd vibes mixed with the Indian sitar sound is really fucking unique. And I like it, don’t love it but still
72: IM DOWN V good
71: THE INNER LIGHT V nice
70: BABYS IN BLACK This one strikes a nerve with me, a hood premise, John sings it well. A treat
69: ILL FOLLOW THE SUN Never got why people disliked this one. I had a theory that the guy in it is dead and he’s going away from his girl, you know, towards the Sun
68: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE More than inspired by Elvis but I can’t complain its a banger
67: PLEASE MR POSTMAN This is well suited for John to sing. I prefer this over the original maybe that’s controversial to say I don’t know. It’s great
66 : GLASS ONION The rocking beat is what hooks me at this one to be honest, the references are cool but a bit pointless
65: MARTHA MY DEAR Who doesn’t love dogs, just heartwarming. Just pure joy
64: IM A LOSER God this album doesn’t get enough love
63: MR MOONLIGHT I heard people disliked this one but John is really suited for this one. I do indeed prefer it to its counterpart
62: LOVE YOU TO Weird vibes, good track
61: I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND Just gets you grooving. Love it
60: DIG A PONY Nonsense song that sounds good in your ears, typical Lennon
59: DRIVE MY CAR Maybe overrated but still slaps
58: GIRL Love girl
57: SHE LOVES YOU Again one of those dancer songs that never fails to deliver
56: ANNA (GO TO HIM) Way better than the original, such a good cover, ah, bliss
55: NOW AND THEN You see is this the recency bias. I don’t think so I hope not but it feels like it is. Man I don’t know it just sounds like Lennon was going for something different and I get it. There was so much work that went into this I just don’t know. I do really like it.
54: I WANT TO TELL YOU Somewhat forgettable but when I hear it it comes rushing back to me.
53: GOOD DAY SUNSHINE Good vibes, peace and love you know
52: HERE THERE AND EVERYWHERE Somewhat cliché but idk I like it
51: TWO OF US I just love this. I don’t think it’s as badly produced as some claim (the long and winding road is evidently over produced but it still goes absolutely hard)
50: TAXMAN We can all relate to this. More relevant than ever, and will continue to be in the future I’m sure
49: WHEN IM SIXTY FOUR It’s so jaunty that I feel like it would belong in a cartoon but that just makes it better for me. I love whimsy
48: IM ONLY SLEEPING This is great
47: PAPERBACK WRITER Be longer please
46: WE CAN WORK IT OUT Longer be please
45: HEY BULLDOG Kickass bass playing by Paul. Lyrics that were just fucked together by John are somehow incredible. Ringos drumming on this one is really good too. Wow, for a throwaway song it works really well
44: NORWEGIAN WOOD (THIS BIRD HAS FLOWN) You can almost smell the pot off this one. Love Norwegian wood rubber soul at its best.
43: AND YOUR BIRD CAN SING Not much to say great song
42: GOT TO GET YOH INTO MY LIFE Iconic, great again
41: ELANOR RIGBY Maybe you’ll say I put this too low but I still like it to a great extent
40: LADY MADONNA One of their best character songs
39: THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD Epic song, great lyrics, sang fantastically, so good
38: SHE SAID SHE SAID Tripping balls but goddamn amazing
37: LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS Psychedelia on full force with this one. Some of the best imagery from any song. It’s charming and fun and at times mystical but overall Johns way with words really come to the top of the log pill with this track
36: I ME MINE In hindsight a song that highlights the way George felt the world around him was and he was probably right. I like the metaphor and the waltz aspect works more than any other of the Beatles attempts at the style, it’s a fantastic piece
35: THE FOOL ON THE HILL Oh I love this song so very much. The song has the fool as some sort of wise figure many (myself included) take to be god. And I like to think if there is a god he’s like this. Watching over giving the world his wisdom but we’re just to ignorant to hear it. Also the medieval sound is one of my favourite styles (love sunforest if you’ve ever listened to any of their songs) so the flute works just so well for me especially when it mixes with the piano. Oh I just love this song to bits it’s great
34: ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE The cheesiness is undeniable, the magic is unbeatable. This song is just such a good album ender. The chaos and randomness near the climax is such an incarnation of the love message and how it works as an organised mayhem. The anthem of love and joy and passion is overflowing and I really like this song, if you can’t tell
33: NO REPLY Oh the way people overlook this song is not right. Its well written, it’s well sang, everyone’s playing well, it’s delightful
32: HONEY PIE I know people hate this song however for me it brings me back into the 20s. It is a sweet ditty that works really well for me and I love this one
31: FOR NO ONE God I love this. It feels so personal and is reflective, as unbiased as it can be and just beautifully sang with no grit. It’s honest. Paul’s on piano here witch is always great. Ringos drums work well to I think. This one’s just brilliant
30: SARGENT PEPPERS LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND REPRISE I love this, the best feels like fucking hip hop, it’s a nice way to lead into day in the life it’s just good no real flaws
29: SARGENT PEPPERS LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND Well this is just a perfect way to start an album. Set up the setting, it explains why the music in this one’s a little different as it’s not the Beatles it’s Sargent peppers and that’s a good concept from the start. You get a real idea if what the world the album takes place in is like and you get a feel for the members of the band itself. Just a class act
28: SAVOY TRUFFLE Controversial one perhaps. I just like the song. The mixing is interesting, the lyrics are fun, I think George outdid himself with it, all just to mock Eric Clapton, hilarious
27: ROCKY RACCOON I know this one’s gonna be a war. Rocky raccoon is so listenable, and fun and encapsulating.Paul is singing it in a great way. I just like it, ok, just my taste. If you hate this song and believe it should be burned than that is perfectly fine, but don’t undermine someone else’s opinion
26 : DONT LET ME DOWN Oh this one’s so powerful, grand, fitting really.
25: YELLOW SUBMARINE I have a fee that I’m not going to survive this list. Can I not like fun, that’s what this is, pure unfiltered fun. This song makes me very happy ok. Ringo singing it just gives it that relaxing feel. Yellow submarine is that kind of happy go lucky song I love
24: REVOLUTION After hearing its bastardisation this is just so refreshing. It’s about a peaceful revolution. It sure as hell doesn’t sound peaceful what with the two electric guitars blowing my speakers out. This one just sounds like a revolution should in a song, and it’s really very good because of it.
23: GET BACK Shit, shit back, shit 1. No I love this. This is such a vibe man it strikes a nerve, it sounds incredible (considering it was recorded outside) and it helps that everyone is clearly giving it there absolute all. Love get back.
22: OB-LA-DI OB-LA-DA I don’t know if this one is as controversial as it used to be but I know there are still some who fucking loath this song. I saw an article where it put this song as the worst the Beatles ever done saying that it was genuinely a horrible experience to listen to. I don’t know this song is just a tonic for a bad day, I will always feel a little bit better after listening to it and that really pulls it up the list. Don’t get the hate
21: A DAY IN THE LIFE Oh boy. This is so good damn it. The Lennon McCartney dynamic is the best it ever will be. Lennon reads the news of suicide and sees a war film while Paul dashes about in his chipper day. The rising orchestra is incredible, Ringos drumming is so different to other approaches in the genre. I can’t tell the scales of the strangeness and the depression aspect mixed with the weird ass ending it’s just an experience instead of a song.
20: OH! DARLING You can’t deny the power in this song, Paul gives it his absolute soul and it works for me, this rejection song is more of an explosion of emotions that gets you invested. Idk I like it
19: REVOLUTION 9 Well I’m dead, there’s no redeeming myself now oh well, however if you would at least hear me out on why I put number nine here then I will do my best. I love things that are different, things that go against the norm and defy expectations. And if we can all agree that revolution 9 is not what you expect when you think Beatles then we have agreed on something. This song (if you can call it a song) is doing for me something interesting. Celebrating the avant-garde while also making fun of it. It sounds impeccable. The mixing is superb, it makes full use of the stereo format. It makes me feel things, picture things, it’s a very interpretive sound that mixes together different instruments and words and phrases forwards and backwards to make something of a trip. This sounds like what a revolution sounds like, points getting muffled over time, being big and grand before shrinking into disarray. You can take what you want from the meaning but when I listen I get completely overwhelmed with feelings. It’s a collage of expression that is most certainly not for everybody but I think is a full on revolution in my head. That’s just how I feel
18: EVERYBODY’S GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE EXCEPT FOR ME AND MY MONKEY There’s some dislike for this one too but I think it’s just a complete rocker, the lyrics also make me chuckle a fair bit
17: THE BALLED OF JOHN AND YOKO I don’t think this one is that hated. I love it. It’s genuinely very funny some highlights being the what you doing in bed interaction and the two gurus in drag. John was highlighting his problems with the media in a way that doesn’t sound bitchy or like he’s talking down to the listeners. Very good song
16: ACROSS THE UNIVERSE God the imagery, similes and lyricism is so beautiful. This is a beautiful song. So elegant
15: SHES LEAVING HOME I was somewhat shocked to find this in some worst of the Beatles lists. The people writing it seeming to miss the point that it isn’t that biased. Sure it shows the hardships of the parents, how broken they are but it realises that fun can simply not manifest in some places and has to be sought out. It’s a real understandable song that is softly sung by Paul in a mystifying way.
14: I WANT YOU (SHES SO HEAVY) Fucking insane song, it’s like a ride at an amusement park it ramps up over time and brings you right to the heights that you wonder how it’s going to end. This song subverts that by giving it no ending, it just gets cut off, which is brilliant. It’s like a ride through hell. A decent into madness of desire in a way making it shockingly relevant.
13: OCTOPUSES GARDEN Kudos to ringo bro just wants to be under the ocean. Calm as fuck. Beautiful expression of the desire to get away from the hassles of life and responsibilities which I’m sure we all relate to. Also bubbles, what’s not to love.
12: HAPPINESS IS A WARM GUN It’s almost perfect, but goddamn it it’s too short. I love this thing but I feel it cuts off before it’s time is up you know
11: THE CONTINUING STORY OF BUNGALOW BILL I don’t get the hate for this one (well maybe I do but still) you got a fire ass spanish guitar. A balled of verses, a sing song chorus that feels like it’s taking the piss in a good way. Even an underlying message of hypocrisy and ignorance. Now I know that yoko is very loud on the song but honestly it just ads to the bizarre feeling that the whole song gives off, I love this.
10: YER BLUES One of the most explosive blues songs I’ve ever heard, incredible
9: STRAWBERRY FEILDS FOREVER You already know it’s fantastic, but that still shouldn’t take away how fantastic it is
8: MAXWELLS SILVER HAMMER … yeah, no joke. Listen it was on of the first Beatles songs I ever heard, if not the first. It has that jaunty Paul feel but then it hits you that it’s about a murderer and it just makes me take a step back and go damn, the Beatles could make anything whimsical. It’s so sing song while being so dark. Yea it is fruity but man I don’t know. The synthesiser near the end is also just really fun to me. It’s fun it’s nostalgic and I will always love it. Sorry not sorry.
7: HELTER SKELTER I applaud you Paul McCartney, you put everything you had into this one and it paid off
6: BABY YOU’RE A RICH MAN I don’t know what it is about this one I love so much, I’m not a huge fan of sitar but it works here. I like the lyrics. There’s a lot of interpretation around them but I always took it as a similar vane of the balled of John and Yoko where it is like a dickhead reporter asking John the questions we here Paul sing in a sense of leading him on and that they’re responding in the sense that these people nagging them about having money when most who were had money themselves. Just a thought.
5: COME TOGETHER Classic, genius rhyming scheme brilliant
4: HEY JUDE 2nd Best uplifting song I’ve ever heard
3: LET IT BE Best uplifting song I’ve ever heard
2: PENNY LANE A fantastic song highlighting the serenity in modern life that often goes unrecognised. It’s penny lane, what’s not to love
1: I AM THE WALRUS It’s I am the walrus. Lyrics are dazzling. The whole mixture of instruments and sounds the distortion making it sound like a dream at points. The way it uses the stereo medium is genius. The Beatles were geniuses. One of the best things ever written.

F29 5ft7 SW 92.95kg CW 86.4kg GW 65kg
This month has been up and down. On 2.5mg I hadn't experienced any sides affects so I thought I was one of the lucky ones and hadn't really considered it might happen when I moved up to 5mg.
I take my jab every Sunday morning. I was 90kg at the start of this. First week was great I lost 2kg no side affects. Second week all was going well until the Wednesday where I was struck with horrid burps, stomach cramping meaning I couldn't sleep and then the diarrhoea. I took the day off of work it was that bad. Cleared up by Thursday afternoon. Unsurprisingly I lost another 2kg that week bringing me to 86kg but I thought the diarrhoea probably had something to do with it! Third week the same thing happened come Wednesday I was struck with the burps and diarrhea - this time I knew to plan to work from home so I didn't need to take another sick day. However I had a music festival to go to Thurs-Sunday so was just praying the side affects cleared up on schedule and luckily they did! I actually gained 1kg in the 3rd week, I didn't eat much at the music festival and made healthy choices when I did, but I was drinking all weekend so I attribute the gain to all the cider. It's nice to know I did not feel worse off drinking on Mounjaro though! The fourth week I worked from home Wednesday expecting the diarrhoea again but they didn't come! I had the burps but thankfully the worst side affects had gone away. I lost 1kg in the final week to get me back to 86.4kg. I was drinking again last night though and have just started my period so who knows how that's affected the scales truly.
However this morning I have realised I messed up. I haven't ordered the next dose of 7.5mg. I thought I was due to take my final dose of 5mg I've miscounted! I managed to forcefully twist the pen and squeeze the final amount of 5mg out of it this morning and I tried to do the same with my 2.5mg pen but I broke the mechanism :( better than nothing though I suppose!
If anybody is interested when I ordered my 7.5mg from Asda this morning they gave me a referral code which will get you 10% off of anything you order from their pharmacy ->> REF3FGWM

Lydia awoke with Waldo screaming. Lydia quickly got up and activated the magic stones lighting the room, Lydia did not see a reason for him to be screaming and was about to wake him when he went quiet. Lydia wondered what had happened and as she watched him she became concerned he was not breathing but just as she was about to shake him away he started breathing again then he began to weep in his sleep saying “I would take it back if I could. I did not know what it meant. Please, I never meant for this.” Lydia watched over him for several minutes as he repeated this over and over. Lydia did not know why but after a while she embraced him gently.
“It is ok. We all make mistakes.” Lydia said quietly holding him. She did not entirely know why she chose to do this as she felt some concern over what he was apologizing for having done but something made her decide to stay with him. Eventually, he stopped and started sleeping peacefully. Lydia slowly fell back to sleep after he quieted and returned to a peaceful state.
Lydia awoke again with Waldo sitting dressed on the edge of the bed. “Good Morning.”
“Good Morning.” Waldo replied, turning to Lydia. “Sorry, if I woke you in the night. I do not always sleep well.”
“I can understand that. It took almost a year before I could sleep through the night.” Lydia replied.
“I brought breakfast up. Kna mentioned I screamed in the middle of the night. I rarely have a companion… So I did not know. I guess I was extra loud last night. I woke some other patrons.” Waldo said calmly. Lydia climbed out of bed and dressed herself as Waldo watched her but when she looked at him she felt he was lost in his own mind.
"Copper for your thoughts.” Lydia said as she started to lace up her dress. Waldo walked over to her and helped her.
“I thought I knew who I was…but I remembered things last night…” Waldo said hollowly. “I don’t know what I was fighting for… All that time as a soldier and now I remembered… what I learned before arriving here and it isn’t what I thought.”
“Do you want to elaborate?” Lydia asked.
“I am not sure I know how.” Waldo said and there was silence for a moment.
“Well, maybe you should stay here if you don’t know why you were fighting. At least, until you figure out what you want.” Lydia said and feeling better about what she had heard last night she kissed him gently on the cheek. “Thank you. I would stay for breakfast but I need to get to work.” Lydia said, grabbing a piece of bread with an egg off the plate.
“Have a nice day and I hope to see you later.” Waldo said, as she headed toward the door.
“Good luck today!” Lydia said, smiling and left. Waldo collected several things from his pack then stored it under the bed and took the plate of food to the common room where he ate slowly. Waldo noticed that Lydia was not in the common room as he ate breakfast. Waldo did not have to wait long after finishing his breakfast before Strisk arrived.
“Good Morning!” Strisk waved at Waldo moving across the common room.
“Greetings Strisk.” Waldo replied standing and moving to meet him.
“Are you ready to go down to the training grounds?” Strisk asked.
“Yeah, let’s head out.” Waldo said, motioning for Strisk to lead the way.
“Are you in a hurry?” Strisk asked, leading Waldo out.
“No, nothing like that just…” Waldo stopped in the door exiting the inn as he looked out into the city. Waldo had expected Protham to be small but realized it had been dark when he arrived and late that is why he had not realized how expansive it was. Waldo saw a wall sixty or seventy feet tall. Waldo stepped into the street and could see a gate two hundred or so feet down the road in one direction and in the other there was what appeared to be a small square. “How big is Protham?”
“It is just a small village, only five thousand or so. Most people are employed in fishing the lake or harvesting trees.” Strisk replied. “The gnolls recently opened a college here… Something about ley lines and increased power, but that is not my expertise.”
“I am surprised they even care about the ley line. The planet is so saturated with magic I would have thought everyone can easily use it.” Waldo responded.
“I wouldn’t know about that. Are you a mage?” Strisk asked.
“I cannot use magic… I can still feel it pooling.” Waldo said, wondering why he could feel it still since he now knew he could not use it. “It must be something to do with the leveling. I wonder if there is a construct powering the whole system.”
“You are suggesting a magic artifact causes people to level?”Strisk asked, shocked at the strangeness of the idea.
“Um… So I assume it is a mage college of some kind they opened?” Waldo asked, trying to change topics.
“Yeah. I would have suggested going and seeing the head there about your teleporting but from what I have heard they see almost no one who isn’t a student.” Strisk said, starting to walk down the street. Waldo followed, taking in the people and the streets. Waldo noticed most people were gnollish he saw drakes as well but it seemed to be ten to one.
“Lydia said you are a Drake. I have never learned to identify the scaled races apart from one another. It appears that Protham is mostly gnolls and Drakes. What makes a drake a drake and not say a lizardfolk?” Waldo asked, carefully.
“Lydia is right. I am a Drake. Lizardfolk always have tails. Drakes rarely have tails and those that do have a tail almost always have wings. That is usually the easiest way to tell us apart but it is more nuanced. A healthy Drake’s scales are vibrant, we stand out. A healthy lizardfolk has duller scales. Drakes can have horns or spikes across their head and back but never hair. Lizardfolk never have horns but can grow spikes. Usually they grow something more like a fin, which can be over their head or even down their chin to their chest. All the facial features are nuanced except the eye. Drake’s eyes face forward. Lizardfolk’s eyes face out enough to easily tell if you look at them.” Strisk explained calmly. “Kobolds are short but look like Drakes with a tail and all the other scaled races have gills.”
“Thank you. I realize that might have been rude to ask but I assume it is ruder to make a mistake.” Waldo said as they continued to make their way through the mostly empty streets.
“Most drakes consider it the pinnacle of rudeness to mistake us for the lizardfolk. Well the lizardfolk seem indifferent. I once saw a short Lizardman get mistaken for a Kobold and they laughed about it. Well a few days ago I had to break up a bar fight cause a gnoll called a drake a lizard.” Strisk said. “My people need to calm down about being mistaken for another race. Most cannot even tell the other races apart. No offense, but I assume you are a human because Lydia is one without looking at your ears, which are currently covered by your hair you could pass for an elf in my eyes and if you told me you were a dwarf I would believe it… even though, I think you are too tall to be a dwarf.” Waldo laughed at Strisk’s words.
“An elf you say?” Waldo said, smiling and moving his hair from over his ears. “I am a human. However, I can understand the confusion. Even among humans it is possible for some to mistake another human as one of our kin races.”
“Kin race?” Strisk asked.
“Yes, races that share certain broad features and where half races are possible.” Waldo said.
“Then would Drakes not be a Kin race.” Strisk asked.
“You ever seen a half human and half drake?” Waldo asked.
“Well no, but I was told it was possible.” Strisk said, wondering.
“Possible for our race's women’s bodies to respond as if they are creating a blend. However, it is largely my understanding no blend has survived birth. Maybe one is out there but largely our internal anatomy; bone structure, organ placement, organs in general, and finer points don’t blend into something that survives birth if a pregnancy occurs which to my knowledge is extremely rare and usually it is a half race not a full where that can occur according to one report I read most mothers die in labor if they carry the blend to term and the child still dies.” Waldo said calmly. Strisk stopped.
“How do you know this?” Strisk asked. Waldo thought about it for a moment. Realizing he did not know how to explain having millions of years of knowledge on hand a little surprised he had so easily recalled something from another life. As he thought about it he wondered how he could so easily access it. Then he knew. Four of his prior selves had learned to build a mind palace. When the Orc had implanted all the memories, those four had combined their knowledge and laid out everything, which made him wonder how he knew about the interbreeding of humans and drakes, which brought forth the memories of four doctors. One of which was drake. Strisk watched as Waldo stared off into the distance. Suddenly, Waldo went pale and threw up in the street. “What the hell?” Strisk said, jumping back to avoid getting splattered.
“Sorry.” Waldo said, feeling queasy. Waldo pushed the doctor’s memories away realizing he was not ready to go exploring all the memories aimlessly. Waldo pulled out his hip canteen and washed his mouth out. Spitting the water down a nearby drain “Damn. I was hoping to not have to eat until dinner. I assume the interview will have a combat skills test?” Waldo asked, looking at Strisk.
“Well yes, but what was that?” Strisk asked, feeling the response was unjustified for his question.
“Oh, right, your question. Um… I went to a memory I should have left alone. I was thinking about my time studying… when I strayed into an incident.” Waldo said, trying to explain without lying.
“An incident?” Strisk asked.
“I expect there are things you have seen as a city guard you would rather not remember.” Waldo replied, carefully.
“Oh… you mean something like that. I can understand that. Let’s continue on. Just another block or so.” Strisk said, letting Waldo follow him. Neither said anything until they got to the city's barracks. They had crossed near the center of town and were now at a lakeside gate that had a training arena with a large gatehouse next to it.
“How many positions is the guard filling?” Waldo asked as they approached the building.
“We are adding five new full time positions in hope of growth due to the mage college, three part time, and around fifty new reservists.” Strisk said and then opened the gatehouse’s front door.
“Good Morning, Strisk!” A female voice behind the counter greeted as they entered.
“Good Morning, Violet.” Strisk replied. “Is Trag in?”
“Yes, he got in a bit ago and…Who are you?” Violet asked, staring at Waldo as he entered the gatehouse.
“Waldo Winter.” Waldo said, step into the room and bowing slightly to the human girl behind the counter.
“He is with me. Violet. He arrived in town last night under strange circumstances.” Strisk said.
“Is he why you are meeting with Trag this early?” Violet asked, keeping her eyes on Waldo. “Is he a criminal?”
“Yes to the meeting with Trag and not as far as I am aware. You haven’t done anything illegal have you?” Strisk asked, grinning Waldo.
“Admittedly, I have not read your legal code, but assuming it follows traditional patterns of legal codes for structured societies. Not in this city. At least, I very much doubt I have.” Waldo said, smiling lightly at Violet.
“What are you doing here then?” Violet asked.
“Apart from identifying myself to local authorities due to the strange way I arrived. Hopefully, applying for a job.” Waldo stated. Violet frowned.
“Are you applying for citizenship in Protham or just submitting notice of intent to work in Protham?” Violet asked.
“Notice of intent to work, at this time.” Waldo replied, moving up to the desk as Strisk stepped away. Violet handed him a sheet of paper and pulled out a second enchanted page.
“Good luck finding work here. There are not many jobs outside of scribe, barworker, or general laborer for humans in Protham. The Drakes and Gnolls are larger and stronger than humans naturally and they are basically hiring enforcers right now.” Violet whispered to Waldo. “Where are you staying?”
“The Spriggan Inn.” Waldo said, looking at the form, surprised he could read it. As he started to fill out the form he remembered a passage about grown arrivals passing between world and being gifted languages of the worlds they arrived on from death. Waldo tried to remember the author's reasoning for the gift but could not. Waldo wished he had learned written gnollish languages but had only learned their spoken languages.
“How did you come to be there?” Violet said, showing surprise.
“Long story short…Some sort of teleportation accident.” Waldo answered, focused on completing the form.
“Wow… Lucky.” Violet said, thinking it strange he appeared in the only inn with a human working in it in Protham.
“Yes, but I suspect there is a good reason for that.” Waldo said, handing her the completed form.
“You how to read Grofeas gnoll?” Strisk asked, looking at Waldo holding the form out to Violet. “You said you had not heard of this country last night.” Violet took the form looking suspiciously at Waldo.
"No, I am familiar with other gnollish written languages and this is close enough to them that I guessed. Please check that and make sure my responses make sense.” Waldo said, looking at Violet. Waldo smiled at his omission. He was familiar with several gnoll written languages and had learned a few key words like bathroom, food, and price but had not even memorized their alphabet. Violet started to look over the document carefully. Waldo noticed the enchanted page on the desk had a picture of his face on it now with a list of several things about him, such as height, an approximate weight, and the like. Waldo heard a low growl with several inflections. Waldo looked at the gnoll standing by Strisk.
“Would you mind repeating that? I am not sure I quite heard what you said, because I thought you called me a fur lover.” Waldo said, looking narrowly at the gnoll. The gnoll made several more growls at Waldo. The gnoll had reddish brown fur and stood a little shorter than Strisk. Waldo thought the gnoll would probably be considered extremely handsome among gnolls. He was well groomed and clearly muscled under the fur. He even wore a steel breastplate that was polished to a shine. Waldo saw a stamp over his right peck that appeared to be a runic enchantment.
“Because I am not. I learned it at the time because my life depended on it. The gnolls I met were not as affluent as you are here and only knew one language. Their own. I had to learn it or live without speaking. Their treatment of me would have killed me if I had not learned their language. They knew next to nothing of humans and were a tribe secluded in the mountains. They meant well, but due to the harsh circumstances of the location I was slowly dying from starvation and exposure. It took four weeks to learn enough for rough communication after which I found them to be extremely friendly and curious. I spent two years with that tribe before making contact with a human settlement in the area. I managed to broker a peace there because I learned gnollish. So I continued my education and have since learned various spoken dialects.” Waldo responded to the newcomers' growls calmly.
“Why don’t you respond in gnollish?” The gnoll asked, changing languages. Waldo growled back in several inflections and moved a hand. Violet had noticed hand movements when gnolls growled and never associated it with them speaking but Waldo’s movements were so pronounced she realized it had to be part of the gnollish language. “Fair enough. I am Captain Trag. Strisk says you are a soldier.”
“Wait what did you say?” Violet asked Waldo.
“Violet. Don’t be rude.” Strisk chided, curious himself but having held himself back.
“I am sorry. I have just never seen a non-gnoll speak gnollish” Violet said, almost involuntarily. Trag slapped Strisk across the back of the head.
“Strisk, she is our scribe, do not order her around.” Trag said, smiling. Waldo got the sense that Trag did not like Strisk.
“I explained human throats are not well formed for the gnollish language, which hurts my throat the more I speak it and makes my accompanying hand movements more pronounced than is proper.” Waldo explained to Violet.
“Can you teach me?” Violet asked, seeing how beneficial it would be to know gnollish in her job.
“We can talk after the interview.” Waldo said, smiling at Violet.
“Right, sorry. Thank you.” Violet replied looking over at Trag apologetically.
“Excuse me for interrupting your conversation Violet. I will make sure to send Waldo back once we are done.” Trag said, smiling at Violet then turning to Waldo. “What level of soldier are you? Or is it some other fighting class?”
“I don’t have any levels in fighting classes.” Waldo replied.
“And you want to be a city guard?” Trag said looking angrily at Strisk who looked at Waldo surprised.
“Wait, are you a medic of somekind?” Strisk asked, remembering the other night.
“No, just give me a chance. We should go to the training ground if combat assessment is to be a large part of this process.” Waldo stated, a little surprised they had started asking questions in the entrance.
“It is. We can train you in Protham legal code, but we rarely do combat training for our guards; most people come to us with twenty or more levels in a combat class, when they are applying to be a guard.” Trag stated, as Waldo opened the door.
“Where I come from people do not rely on the leveling systems for combat training.” Waldo started walking to the training grounds as Trag and Strisk followed.
“Where are you from?” Trag asked.
“Halcyon. Heard of it?” Waldo asked, knowing the reply.
“Nope.” Trag replied, thinking this human could never keep up with a gnoll or drake in a fight. “What are you wearing?” Trag asked, no longer able to hold back the question as the human looked very strange to him.
“Desert Armored Combat Fatigues, my throwing knives, combat knife, an assortment of tools I have found useful over the years, and a magic sling.” Waldo said, touching different things on his body. “The armor is stab resistant and there are several metal plates spread out in the fabric. If I get the job I would like to wear this until I can afford to get some locally made gear.”
“A magic sling?” Trag asked.
“Yeah, but I have limited ammo for it. It only works with special magic ammo and I doubt you have that here.” Waldo replied.
“Have you heard of a magic sling Strisk?” Trag asked.
“No, that is new to me.” Strisk replied. “I thought you could not use magic.”
“I cannot not cast a magic spell but this is an artifact. I could teach anyone to use it. If I had unlimited ammo or access to a bullet manufacturer I would be happy to show it off but I only have ninety rounds for it.” Waldo explained.
“How long have you been a soldier?” Trag asked, Waldo had seen himself in a mirror and knew they would not believe the truth. Waldo looked like he was in his prime but Halcyon slowed aging massively Waldo was older than any human got to normally and he was still unsure if he had died or Death’s healing had further reduced the effects of aging.
“Nine years.” Waldo replied, pushing it as far as he thought he could. Waldo had put his age down as twenty nine on the form, but knew he looked closer to twenty now. “I expect I will be sparing with one of you?”
“No, we are waiting for your sparring partners. I sent for two reservists. They generally are not needed for regular guard shifts and if they are injured it should not interfere with their regular jobs.” Trag stated, show us how good you are with throwing knives.
“Alright.” Waldo said, pulling four of the weighted knives from their sheaths. Waldo carried twelve in all. Four on his left leg, two on each arm and four on his chest. Waldo started by juggling the knives as he moved into position to throw them. Waldo smoothly plucked them out of the air as he was juggling them and launched them one after another in quick succession down the lane, with the knives sinking deep into the wooden target in a tight group.
“For having no skills that is pretty good. Now for the moving targets.” Trag said, with Waldo looking back at him as he pressed a button. Waldo watched as the targets began to move side to side. Waldo could tell this was intended for arrows as the range was longer than he would usually throw when it came to moving targets.
“May I move up or do you want me to throw from here?” Waldo asked.
“Tark throws from there.” Trag replied, Waldo grabbed two more knives, throwing them half a second after looking back at the target. Both landed bullseyes but Waldo could feel the strain on his muscles. He was not used to this distance. Waldo pulled two more and turned his back to the targets. Waldo slowly strafed toward the center of the range as he had started to the right side. After a moment making sure to give the targets time to move he spun around and with one hand launched both knives. One landed in a bullseye, but the other fell short. Waldo turned his back to the targets and drew all of his remaining knives placing them at the ready in one hand. Waldo turned and threw three and turned back around quickly. He heard 2 thuds and one that was a clang. He was not sure what the third had hit. Waldo spun around and sent his final knife down the lane hitting another bullseye. The three quick throws were not bullseyes but they had all hit targets.
“That is all the throwing knives I carry.” Waldo said. “Shall I collect them?”
“No, Strisk go get the knives and report back on how deep they are.” Trag said, turning the moving targets off. Waldo moved over to Trag as Strisk retrieved the knives. “Only one complete miss, that is not bad. If you are hired then we are gonna have to replace the knives with some weighted rods. We can issue you some bolas while on duty. Unless a kill order is issued, but most the time we will expect people to be taken alive.”
“Understandable. What is a bolas?” Waldo asked.
“It is three pieces of rope tied to each other on one end and has a weight on the other side. When throwing it, the intent is to hit a person's legs and if it works correctly it will wrap around a fleeing person’s legs and trip them. In town it can be tricky to use and for people they have lighter weights. It was originally used to hunt various animals on the plains. If the weights are too heavy they can break bones.” Trag said, explained. “What class are you?”
Waldo had been preparing for this question since they had asked him earlier. “Diplomat.” Waldo replied.
“You have no levels in a combat class but you are a diplomat as a soldier?” Trag questioned.
“When I use skills from it as a soldier it is generally in interrogations, but my personal goal was to try and find less violent solutions to my nation's disputes. So, I ended up becoming a diplomat. The times I acted in that capacity I was glad to have trained as a soldier. Few people seem to want peaceful resolutions. So as a diplomat I have often been met with violence.” Waldo explained twisting the truth. They stood in silence as they waited for Strisk to finish retrieving the knives. Strisk handed Waldo eleven of the knives and Trag one of the knives.
“Six perfect hits. Three near perfects. Two hits. One miss. Ten hits were all very deep. The one that made the clang hit a metal frame holding the target. It dented the metal and chipped his knife.” Strisk reported as Waldo sheathed the eleven knives he had been handed. Waldo looked at Trag just in time to catch his face returning to a neutral state after what Waldo believed to be a frown.
“How is your hand to hand combat proficiency?”Trag asked.
“I am an expert with a knife, however, I could easily swap it out for a padded baton. It would be harder on me, but I am sure I can hold my own.” Waldo said, showing the knife sheathed across his lower back and trying to determine Trag’s mood. Trag examined the knife and could see it was custom made for Waldo and well used.
“Strisk, you are good to go on patrol. Your partner should be ready about now.” Trag said, with a hint of sadness.
“I was hoping to stay and see him fight the reservists.” Strisk said, a little excited and as Strisk said that it clicked for Waldo.
“No one is coming. To test my combat proficiency.” Waldo said, calmly. “Sorry, Strisk. I should have known better.”
“We should go to my office and talk.” Trag said and handed Waldo the chipped knife Strisk had handed him.
“Wait, why?” Strisk asked, Trag.
“Politics, Strisk. Guardsmen are just a little political, which means Trag cannot hire another human. Especially, not in a citizen-facing role.” Waldo said, with a smile. “Am I right?”
“Violet, is our scribe. Citizen’s see her.” Strisk said looking confused.
“Violet is my scribe. She assists with filing and compiling guardsmen reports. She has only covered the front desk on a few occasions and usually it is to give another scribe a break or chance to go to the bathroom.” Trag stated.
“Strisk, thank you for introducing me to Captain Trag. I truly appreciate this opportunity. I would be happy to speak to you in your office Trag.” Waldo said, smiling at both of them.
“Sorry, Waldo… I didn’t realize.” Strisk said dejectly. Waldo laughed lightly.
“You have done no harm at all and even helped me file documents I needed to in order to stay. You introduced me to your Captain. Strisk, you have been nothing but helpful. Please do not feel sorry.” Waldo said, smiling at Strisk.
“Thanks, I guess I should get going.” Strisk said, clearly feeling better. “Sir. Waldo.” Strisk said, nodding his head to each of them and leaving. Trag started heading towards the guard house and motioned for Waldo to follow, which Waldo did in silence. Trag opened the door and sure enough Violet was no longer at the front desk. There was a male Drake scribe sitting behind the counter.
“Sir.” The drake said, standing up to greet them. Trag waved his hand and the drake sat back down. Waldo followed him up a set of stairs and down a hall to an open room with three scribes working on various documents on a table big enough for four, one of which was Violet.
“Your morning report sir.” A female gnoll scribe said, smiling at Trag and holding a folder. She noticed Waldo and her demeanor changed slightly. She glanced at Violet as Trag grabbed the folder.
“Thank you. I have a meeting for a few minutes. Is there anything urgent?” Trag gestured at Waldo. The scribes all looked up and gave a negative nod. “If needed you may interrupt us.” Trag said, opening his office door and leading Waldo into his office. It was a plain room. There were several chairs facing the back of the room with a large desk and chair behind it facing the door. There were two sturdy looking bookcases organized with an assortment of documents. The room was clean and orderly. A couch sat against one wall with a window behind it that had shutters and Waldo noticed a plain axe with a rope next to it leaning against a bookcase. “Please take a seat.” Trag said, opening the folder as he moved around the desk and sat down. Waldo sat across from him. They sat in silence as Trag read over a few reports. “Thank you for your patience.” Trag said look up from the report.
“Anything important?” Waldo asked.
“No, just the normal going on. Except for you of course.” Trag said.
“Yeah, I made a surprising entrance last night.” Waldo agreed.
“Teleportation has a tendency to create some alerts. If Strisk had not reported your arrival last night, the guard may have interrupted your welcome to our fine city.” Trag replied.
“That report is more thorough than I would have liked.” Waldo stated.
“Kna is a friend and Aer is a gossip.” Trag replied.
“I should have waited in the common room. We could have talked last night.” Waldo guessed.
“Doubtful, but I would have known your face this morning if you had.” Trag stated.
“I had hoped this was an offer for contract work of some kind.” Waldo said, frowning slightly.
“It still might be. I have not determined what to do about you.” Trag replied.
“Oh, well is there something you would like cleared up?” Waldo asked, smiling.
“Kna is worried about one of her barmaids. Aer has never seen her friend respond so positively to someone so quickly.” Trag stated, calmly. Waldo knew they were straying into dangerous territory.
“I have never responded to another human as positively.” Waldo replied, honestly.
“Just two soulmates meeting for the first time?” Trag asked, Waldo jerked in surprise at the word reacting before he could stop himself. Waldo realized Trag did not mean it the way he had taken it but it was too late. Trag had been watching him closely and was now looking unsure at Waldo. “I think you have some explaining to do.” Trag said, prepared to strike. Waldo leaned forward and placed his head in his hand dropping his show.
“This cannot under any circumstances leave this room. If you have listeners they need to stop. If you have a way to make the room secure. I will tell you enough to know why.” Waldo said, unsure of what would happen next.
“What, so can you kill me in silence?” Trag asked, feeling concerned about this stranger's response.
“If you want to tie me up feel free, but I am not talking until I am confident the secret won’t leave this room.” Waldo said, sitting back and calming his nerves. Waldo was trying to figure out how to explain this with as little lying as possible. Waldo wondered if he could avoid lying all together. Trag hesitated for a minute then opened a drawer and pulled out a small box. Trag said a command word under his breath and the box activated.
“Alright, we are alone and no one can see or hear us. This better be good or I won’t keep your secret.” Trag said.
“Have you ever been in love so much it hurt your soul?” Waldo asked.
“What?” Trag asked, surprised.
“I have. If I had understood this was possible. If I had known. I would have done so many things differently.” Waldo said, deciding to be as honest as he felt he could. “I thought she was dead. I joined the wrong people to get vengeance. To make it stop. In doing, so I pissed off some really powerful people. I thought my master was strong enough to protect me and I thought I was powerful enough to protect myself. I want to tell Lydia so bad. I want her to remember our time together. Every second we spent together. If I had magic this would be so easy but using magic to accomplish it would be wrong.” Waldo said, with tears in his eyes. “I wish I could just show her. However, the people I pissed off took my ability to use magic. I did not even know that was possible.” Waldo said, holding out an open palm. “Light.” Trag felt magic tug slightly, but nothing happened. “They took my magic so I could not interfere. When they did that I thought they would send me to a prison cell or some equally horrible place. They cursed me with unwanted knowledge I can barely grasp. Part of my mind is still trying to rip itself apart. But instead of sending me to a desert. They toss me like I am nothing and I land inside Spriggan Inn, in Protham barely even hurt. I did know she was the same soul at first. Standing in the dim light of the inn. She looks the same. Alive working as a barmaid in a place I have never even heard of. She doesn’t even remember me but she was drawn to me just like I was to her all those years ago.” Waldo said. “Kna is worried I might hurt her and honestly so am I. However, if we are to separate again I would have her tell me to go. It would be the most painful thing I ever do but I would leave if she asked. I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me, but I have found my dead lover again, my soulmate and I never thought I would see her. She died so I figured that was it. I did not know about the cycle but now I do. So please give me the chance to win her.” Waldo finished with tears at the corners of his eyes. “Please, I am begging you.” Trag knew Waldo was leaving part out but felt he was being honest and looking at Waldo Trag knew he held this man’s life in his hands at this moment. Trag looked at Waldo and activated several skills he had for conversations like this. Trag knew Waldo did not intend harm at this time or harm to his city.
“For the moment. You have convinced me.” Trag said, still slightly concerned, something about him bothered Trag, but Trag was confident the stranger would be unlikely to deliberately cause problems in Protham.
“Thank you for giving me a chance. I will prove I mean no harm.” Waldo said, starting to recover his composure. Trag grabbed the rope and axe, placing them on his desk.
“Do you know how to cut down a tree?” Trag asked.
“Yes.” Waldo replied.
“As captain of the guard. I am allotted two trees every year. The town allows me to do as I will with the tree tokens, I am issued. The mill will pay me five gold per token on average. However, If I cut the tree down and turn in the tree with the token they will right now pay eight gold. If you cut a tree down and turn it in for me. I will let you keep two gold coins of those eight.” Trag stated placing a token on the table.
“Sounds like a good deal.” Waldo replied.
“Have you hunted boar?” Trag asked.
“I have hunted. Not specifically boar but I am familiar with the complexities they present.” Waldo replied, wondering where this was going.
“Currently, we have a boar problem on the western road and several groups have been attacked by boars. It is quite troublesome. Protham does not have an adventuring guild and most hunters will hunt safer game or only kill one or two boars at a time. You can rent a hand cart for a day for three coppers at the docks. Usually they are used to transport fish around town. They are sturdy carts and can hold several hundred kilos. There are several blacksmiths in town that sell quality steel tipped javelins, for a silver. Now they are not perfect for hunting boar but they should work well enough. Currently, I have placed a bounty on boar kills of a silver per boar jaw turned in. We will even buy the dead boar for one and half coppers per five pounds. However, you could show us the boar, collect the silver, then most local butchers will buy dead boar for two copper per five pounds. Those are the current rates for whole boars” Trag explained.
“Sounds like I have a tree to chop down.” Waldo said standing.
“Out the main gate past the mill and then pick an un-worked tree the taller the better. They pay less for trees shorter than twenty feet and more for trees taller than twenty five feet. If you are willing to search there are some forty and fifty footers out there. I expect six gold regardless.” Trag stated.
“Why are you doing this?” Waldo asked.
“It is not one thing. Lots of little things adding up. Kna is a friend and Lydia is important to her. Kna knows I cannot employ you as a guard. This keeps you out of trouble. Solves a problem for me and if you work hard. Kna might start to like you. I was not going to be able to cut my second tree down before the end of the year. There are more reasons, but in the end, I see no downside for me giving you this chance.” Trag stated plainly.
“Well thank you. I appreciate this.” Waldo said and picked up the axe smiling.
“Good Luck. I plan to eat dinner at Spriggan Inn. So if you get back after sunset you can find me there.” Trag said, gesturing for Waldo to leave.
“Thank you, again!” Waldo said, leaving. After he closed the door he looked for Violet but she was not there. Waldo headed to the stairs back to the entryway. Violet wasn’t there either so he left a message for her and headed back to the Inn. Waldo wanted to ditch his armor before heading out to cut down a tree.

Today: went to the bathroom mushy and almost diarrhea twice, I did eat cooked carrots last night had mircogreens with salmon for breakfast and less then a spoonful of yogurt, don’t know if that’s why I’m going like that today. As of right now really no stomach pain
Yesterday: Woke up belch burping like crazy but had no pain in stomach just gassy at times, could eat more today but notice for awhile now I get acid reflux and depending on the food could be worse and only time I feel some pain is when I feel above my belly button when I press in I get a weird dull pain then it fades away. Overall I’m belch burping a lot and having lots of acid reflux and burning in stomach on and off. I could burp for an hour straight even without eating anything. I know my period is due in a few but I’m concerned I could have h pylori or stomach cancer. I saw many young people have stomach cancer in their 20s
Other day: still belching not as gassy in the moment, above belly button still feels a bit weird but pain went away and toward the left side a bit feels like a balloon at times then I belch and feel better. Overall don’t feel as bad as last night under belly button it is sensitive to touch a bit. Have burning in stomach after eating
Yesterday: Was feeling better even had somewhat of a normal bowel movement, later on I pressed right above my belly button going a little bit to the left and I got a dull burning pain going up a bit and around belly button and now it hasn’t left and I can’t stop belch burping again. I have been taking Zantac and it has been helping me keeping that pain bloated gas feeling away but not so much today maybe it’s also because I took ibuprofen and also I do not have a fever but my period is due in 8 days. Basically it feels like someone punch me in the stomach now
Say before: stomach feels kinda better today, went to the bathroom felt like I had a wall on the side of my rectum with sharp pain went very small stool and sorry for the tmi but it smelled horrible, besides that my face has been feeling flushed took my temperature and it’s between 100- 99.7 I’ve been highly stressed and my vertigo has been really bad today. Stomach overall as I said feels a bit better but kinda also feels like someone has punched me in my stomach/lower abdomen
Few days ago: Light sharp pain around my belly button that goes down to my uterus (kinda) and light pain around the belly button especially when pushing down around my belly button it feels funny weird light sharp pain and lower stomach pain area. Pressing around the area feels sensitive hurts a bit near my hips down, gassy and feeling slightly better after burping also symptoms could act up more after eating or when feeling more anxious. Took Zantac last night helped me a bit
Female/24, Back in January I’m not sure if I had a stomach bug or after years my ibs came back but for like two months I couldn’t really eat and belch burp a lot, after sometime it all kinda went away but my bathroom habits i noticed kinda changed. Recently few weeks ago I came down with a cold and was taking a lot of honey which I think cause me to get a flare up again with ibs and I was also extremely nervous under a lot of stress due to personal reasons, was constipated then started to go more normal once I added more veggies into my diet but I started having to be careful what I ate as I would have to run to the bathroom or start burping like crazy then last Sunday I felt everything kind of calmed down til Monday morning where I woke up feeling fine went to go eat some left over zucchini and within an hour I started to burp like crazy and have really bad cramps and kept going to the bathroom floating stools with watery D. also got a hive. Since Monday I have not been the same I can’t eat can’t even have water just some gatorade everything makes me burp like crazy for hours gives me lots of gas and hurts my stomach. Basically the gas, burping nonstop, and diarrhea/floating stools are back. I did feel like a band wrapped around my tummy whenever I ate something other then rice and some soreness in the right upper side of my stomach there the other day but I also did do a workout that did and haven’t felt anything today, also had some light pain that would go into my back for a bit but that stop as well.. right side has always stick out been bigger then the other side of my upper stomach for years. I know that I’ve been having a lot of stevia in my stuff recently and I just ovulated yesterday lastly I deal with vertigo and back attacks that put my body in fear mode overall I do have a very nervous stomach and all the pains feel like gas pains
I’m in a toxic relationship and have family issues I’m always anxious and stressed

My in-laws don’t believe in illness
Am I crazy for not wanting my in-laws near my new born ?
Buckle in because this might be kind of long, I want to give as much context as possible. I (23F) grew up as second oldest (oldest girl) in a family with 6 kids. I was 14 when my youngest brother was born, so I grew up helping take care of the kids and being very involved. I was taught to always wash your hands before holding or touching someone’s baby. Honestly even if you didn’t plan on holding the baby, if you walked into a house with a new born… you washed your hands. While holding/touching the baby you NEVER touch their face, hands, or feet (because they put in their feet and hands in their mouth) and you most definitely never kiss a baby that isn’t yours. This was strictly enforced and I really never thought much of it because that all makes sense to me.
We also didn’t go to someone’s house/ have people over if someone in our house was sick. I do remember missing out on a family Christmas party when I was young due to me being sick, but it was how it was. That was normal.
So fast forward to a couple years ago my husband I welcomed our daughter into the world. I definitely had a lot of anxiety around her getting sick, but no more than what I feel like other new moms go through. When my family/friends came to visit they would always wash their hands. While my mom was there she was on top of it making sure all my younger siblings washed their hands/followed the other rules and I really appreciated it. When we had my in-laws over for the first time… no one even made a move to wash their hands. I kind of awkwardly reminded everyone before they held the baby but they all were touching her hands and feet and smooching her face.
I was genuinely horrified, but didn’t say anything. After they left I brought it up to my husband and asked why they didn’t follow my rules. My husband was genuinely confused and said he had never heard of the hands and feet thing and that wasn’t something he was ever taught growing up. He comes from a family of four kids with them all close in age so he doesn’t have any memories of his siblings as babies or anything. I explained why It was important to me and he completely understood.
So to save me some awkwardness we decided that I was in charge of enforcing any boundaries with my family and he with his. It went okay for a couple weeks but I started having to remind my husband to remind his family. As my daughter got a little older it became less of a big deal and it was fine. THEN we ran into a new set of issues.
When my daughter was about 6months old my husband’s grandmother hosted a family bbq because one of the cousins had just had a baby 2 weeks ago and everyone wanted to meet him. The days leading up to it my daughter and I both came down with a cold. The day of my husband came in and was like “okay when do you want to leave” I was confused and explained that we couldn’t go because our daughter and I were sick. ESPECIALLY because there was going to be a newborn at the party. If I was that baby’s mother and someone showed up sick to a party with my newborn I would literally throw hands. My husband was so confused by this and said that his family would be upset if we didn’t show. I told him to just explain that we were sick and they would understand. He explained that they wouldn’t and that they would be upset. I told him that besides not wanting to spread our cold, our daughter didn’t feel good. The last thing I wanted was to have her passed around to 20 plus people. He eventually agreed and went to the bbq by himself.
Low and behold he was right and the family was offended that I didn’t show up. I was annoyed but we moved past it. Over the years there have been a couple of instances but nothing too bad until this past Mother’s Day.
Currently my daughter is 3 and I am pregnant with our second. Now during my pregnancies I get what’s called HG or Hypermesis Gravardium. It’s a pregnancy condition that causes EXTREME vomiting to the point of weight loss and dehydration. Often resulting in trips to the hospital for fluids and IV treatments. In my case I throw up about 8-12 times a day till about 20 weeks and it lessens to about 4-6 times a day until the day I give birth. Honestly? I barely feel like a person during this.
So on Mother’s Day we show up to my in laws house where my husbands younger brother and his girlfriend also live along with their 2 and 1 yr old boys. We walk outside and both of my nephews have crusty boogers all over their nose and crusty red eyes. I immediately got stressed. I’m already sick all the time I can’t add to it. Plus I can barely take care of my daughter during the day let alone if she were to get sick. I sat away from them and just didn’t say anything. While we were sitting there they start talking about how they have all been sick all week and now FIL wasn’t feeling good so he was inside laying down. I was fuming that they couldn’t have just let us know before hand. I would have chosen not to come and just facetimed MIL instead. I didn’t say anything to my husband though because I didn’t want him to feel like I was attacking his family.
Well we got home and by Monday night we were all sick. My daughter ended up not getting to bad and was okay after a couple days. I however, would cough and it trigger coming. I would sneeze and it would trigger vomiting. This lasted two fucking weeks. My husband ended up mentioning it to his brother and he just said “oh shit haha guess we got everyone sick” I lost it. I had a full pregnant woman sobbing meltdown about how I felt no respect from his family and I think I hurt my husbands feelings. My baby is due in October and my anxiety about him being around my husbands family for the holidays has me in a chokehold. It’s RSV season and I’m going to be begging everyone to wash their hands. Are they going to show up to family parties with sick kids? How do I get the message across without offending them? Or are these Boundries over top and my mom was just way too scared of illness. I’m at a point of telling my husband I don’t want his family near my baby while he is little, even though I know that’s not fair.

Am I crazy for not wanting my in-laws near my new born ?
Buckle in because this might be kind of long, I want to give as much context as possible. I (23F) grew up as second oldest (oldest girl) in a family with 6 kids. I was 14 when my youngest brother was born, so I grew up helping take care of the kids and being very involved. I was taught to always wash your hands before holding or touching someone’s baby. Honestly even if you didn’t plan on holding the baby, if you walked into a house with a new born… you washed your hands. While holding/touching the baby you NEVER touch their face, hands, or feet (because they put in their feet and hands in their mouth) and you most definitely never kiss a baby that isn’t yours. This was strictly enforced and I really never thought much of it because that all makes sense to me.
We also didn’t go to someone’s house/ have people over if someone in our house was sick. I do remember missing out on a family Christmas party when I was young due to me being sick, but it was how it was. That was normal.
So fast forward to a couple years ago my husband I welcomed our daughter into the world. I definitely had a lot of anxiety around her getting sick, but no more than what I feel like other new moms go through. When my family/friends came to visit they would always wash their hands. While my mom was there she was on top of it making sure all my younger siblings washed their hands/followed the other rules and I really appreciated it. When we had my in-laws over for the first time… no one even made a move to wash their hands. I kind of awkwardly reminded everyone before they held the baby but they all were touching her hands and feet and smooching her face. I was genuinely horrified, but didn’t say anything. After they left I brought it up to my husband and asked why they didn’t follow my rules. My husband was genuinely confused and said he had never heard of the hands and feet thing and that wasn’t something he was ever taught growing up. He comes from a family of four kids with them all close in age so he doesn’t have any memories of his siblings as babies or anything. I explained why It was important to me and he completely understood.
So to save me some awkwardness we decided that I was in charge of enforcing any boundaries with my family and he with his. It went okay for a couple weeks but I started having to remind my husband to remind his family. As my daughter got a little older it became less of a big deal and it was fine. THEN we ran into a new set of issues.
When my daughter was about 6months old my husband’s grandmother hosted a family bbq because one of the cousins had just had a baby 2 weeks ago and everyone wanted to meet him. The days leading up to it my daughter and I both came down with a cold. The day of my husband came in and was like “okay when do you want to leave” I was confused and explained that we couldn’t go because our daughter and I were sick. ESPECIALLY because there was going to be a newborn at the party. If I was that baby’s mother and someone showed up sick to a party with my newborn I would literally throw hands. My husband was so confused by this and said that his family would be upset if we didn’t show. I told him to just explain that we were sick and they would understand. He explained that they wouldn’t and that they would be upset. I told him that besides not wanting to spread our cold, our daughter didn’t feel good. The last thing I wanted was to have her passed around to 20 plus people. He eventually agreed and went to the bbq by himself.
Low and behold he was right and the family was offended that I didn’t show up. I was annoyed but we moved past it. Over the years there have been a couple of instances but nothing too bad until this past Mother’s Day.
Currently my daughter is 3 and I am pregnant with our second. Now during my pregnancies I get what’s called HG or Hypermesis Gravardium. It’s a pregnancy condition that causes EXTREME vomiting to the point of weight loss and dehydration. Often resulting in trips to the hospital for fluids and IV treatments. In my case I throw up about 8-12 times a day till about 20 weeks and it lessens to about 4-6 times a day until the day I give birth. Honestly? I barely feel like a person during this.
So on Mother’s Day we show up to my in laws house where my husbands younger brother and his girlfriend also live along with their 2 and 1 yr old boys. We walk outside and both of my nephews have crusty boogers all over their nose and crusty red eyes. I immediately got stressed. I’m already sick all the time I can’t add to it. Plus I can barely take care of my daughter during the day let alone if she were to get sick. I sat away from them and just didn’t say anything. While we were sitting there they start talking about how they have all been sick all week and now FIL wasn’t feeling good so he was inside laying down. I was fuming that they couldn’t have just let us know before hand. I would have chosen not to come and just facetimed MIL instead. I didn’t say anything to my husband though because I didn’t want him to feel like I was attacking his family.
Well we got home and by Monday night we were all sick. My daughter ended up not getting to bad and was okay after a couple days. I however, would cough and it trigger coming. I would sneeze and it would trigger vomiting. This lasted two fucking weeks. My husband ended up mentioning it to his brother and he just said “oh shit haha guess we got everyone sick” I lost it. I had a full pregnant woman sobbing meltdown about how I felt no respect from his family and I think I hurt my husbands feelings. My baby is due in October and my anxiety about him being around my husbands family for the holidays has me in a chokehold. It’s RSV season and I’m going to be begging everyone to wash their hands. Are they going to show up to family parties with sick kids? How do I get the message across without offending them? Or are these Boundries over top and my mom was just way too scared of illness. I’m at a point of telling my husband I don’t want his family near my baby while he is little, even though I know that’s not fair.

I already made the first post regarding episode 1 and 2, here are the links, if you are interested:
https://www.reddit.com/PolinBridgerton/comments/1d8p07y/analysing_thematic_imagery_of_season_3_episode_1/
https://www.reddit.com/PolinBridgerton/comments/1daa5se/analysing_thematic_imagery_of_season_3_episode_2/
Same note as before: I do not claim all of these thoughts as originals of mine, I am not taking credit for noticing what others already noticed, and feel free to credit those who were first in comments. Also feel free to comment what you see and I do not! Or challenge me or mine.
I shall do my best to deliver analysis of the fourth episode before part 2 drops.
General imagery of the season so far (feel free to skip if you read the last post or posts):
The main thematic imagery of this season is reflection; how characters are perceived by others and how they deal with those perceptions. It ties to both leads, who were given roles by society which they must fight from time to time, and how society’s perception of them changes and controls them. Mirror imagery was important throughout the previous season not only for Pen and Colin, however in this season in particular, mirror imagery appears very often, and I expected it to continue (ehem ehem).
Tied closely to reflection imagery, we see the dichotomy of light and shadows. This dichotomy is alluded to by titles of 3 episodes of the whole season; and through this dichotomy, social roles and expectations are established. Colin is in the light, showered by compliments from members of the Ton, while Pen is forced to be in the shadows. She uses the shadows as LW to her advantage, while Colin uses his power within the light to his advantage.
The general idea is that Pen needs to decide whether she wants to stay in the shadows, which might be easier, or whether she is willing to take a risk by stepping into the light. Other characters are also haunted by their reflections. I shall dive into it in each episode.
Episode 3: Forces of Nature
While the second episode heavilly relied on the dichotomy of the day and the night to showcase masculine and feminine power, the third episode features dichotomy of nature and humanity. I have very briefly touched upon it in previous analysis regarding the promenade, when Pen asks whether she can learn to flirt through books and the moment was juxtaposed with the nature behind our leads.
It is not a new dichotomy for the show. We can for example remember the ending of episode 6 from previous season ("Animals require no contracts or dowries. The hen and a rooster make no vows. Leave it to people to complicate matters with their ceremonies and their cakes.").
The nature represents the attraction and longing, while the humanity represents either obstacles in following our desires, or simply a rationale to be "sensible" instead. Lady Whistledown acknowledges that people can somewhat triumph ("Humankind has accomplished extraordinary feats in its attempt to compete against nature."), but the episodes concludes that not only will the nature win in the end, the battle does not even include the nature, but the people who fight themselves. Basically concluding that there are no winners.
"All of man's greatest inventions are nothing more than a distraction from which is most natural to us. Our instincts. The innate animal impulse that is inside even the most sophisticated of us. For all is said and done, our nature will always win out."
Both Penelope and Colin fail to fight their own feelings in this episode.
While the natural forces refer to inner desires, we might focus on the literal natural forces which symbolize them: the Featherington garden (aka the place of crime), and the fire; the most featured in this episode, though, is the wind. The natural force which ensured the first meeting of our leads and (at least according to the books and trailer for part 2), caused Penelope to fall for Colin, as he (literally) fell from his horse.
I shall get to it more later. Let's go again scene by scene.
Third episode begins with Colin's dream. Dreams are of course heavilly linked with both Colin, Pen and their desires. Ironically, Colin's dream represents his waking up Marina alluded to in the last season ("You are a boy, caught up in his own fantasies... You need to wake up, Colin!").
While Penelope stopped dreaming and gave up on her "fantasy" after Colin's comment in the end of season 2 ("I would never dream of courting Penelope Featherington, not in your wildest fantasies."), Colin is awaken at the same place, in a cheeky way, by his dream.
The Featherington garden represents crucial moments of their relationship so far. Firstly, it was the place where he broke her heart by his statement, and sparked her intention to marry. Secondly, of course, it was the place where they came to their agreement, with her agreeing to move from him by accepting his help, while he put himself in a vulnerable position to face feelings he did not acknowledge before. Thirdly, it is the place where he was forced to face his feelings VERY directly by agreeing to kiss her.
Colin's subcontious wants to "repair" the moment. It is cheeky for Colin to apologize for the late hour, which might have been appropriate for their last meeting, as well.
Fans have had a lot of fun dissecting Colin's psyche, as Colin's dream features basically every cliché of a raunchy romance novel, which is, of course, very intentional. The first shot features the fire burning, symbolizing Colin's realized feelings. The fog might either allude to the mystery whether Colin's love is requited, or to form a "protection from the gazes of others".
This episode offers a lot storytelling through clothing with Colin especially, and I shall dive to each of his looks. Generally speaking, Colin trades vulnerability for his armor repeatedly in the first half of the episode, culminating in his Innovations Ball look, which I find the most vulnerable.
Colin in his dream is dressed similarly as he was in the end of episode 2, however, his neck is now bare, alluding to his vulnerability. Pen's neckline is lower, her loose hair as well as the fit of the gown make it seem like she is in her nightgown. Still, it is very respectable look for a wet dream, likely to showcase and hammer that Colin did not found vulnerability anew, not sexual desire.
I find it interesting that the shot does not start with Colin walking into the frame, who is the one dreaming, but with Penelope. Perhaps the intention was to try to mess with fans and give them the impression it is Pen who dreams. Colin does not get confirmation of her feelings until he admits his. Again, Colin is the vulnerable this time, not Penelope. The scene focuses much more on her pleasure than his, either to again fool the audience, or again, to sell the difference.
As Colin wakes up, we get more visual clues in the globe and the map, likely alluding to his travelling experience, which are connected to his sexuality. The other is, of course, that his blanket is yellow, a color tied to Pen (resembling the shal Violet has in the portrait, again to sell the paraller of the couples, even before Violet states it to the audience at the end of this episode). He looks to the window, which might allude to him trying to find her, as she lives accross the street, which he likely did for the first time in last episode, or trying to find the light, representing a) his social role as a popular charming rake, and b) his masculine power.
Gregory's injury might thematically tie to multiple things. Gregory was established as a cupid, who pierces Colin's heart, and who now can't do so, meaning that Colin is trapped. Gregory can also represent Colin himself as he can't even properly eat with his injury, which was something Colin also mentioned of not being able to do so. We know that Gregory falls injures the hand before he has a chance to see the balloon, which might foreshadow the ending of the episode, when Colin tries to find the answer, only to not get it and be hurt.
Colin comes to the drawing room in a brown vest. The color of the vest reminds me of his pirate coat, and I wonder whether it is basically his "casual armor", the one he wears around his family now, not wanting them to know of his feelings. It is also worth pointing out that when Colin walks in, he goes to his brothers who sit seperately from the sisters and the mother, almost to shocase Colin's tendency to trying to follow male squad, even the toxic one.
Our dearest prophetess Hyacinth strikes again by mentioning Penelope. It is worth noting that while Colin is distressed, he still realizes that he likely hurt Eloise by commenting on Lady Whistledown finding about their ordeal, and seems to attempt to follow her to make sure she is fine. Colin can't refer to Penelope as his or as a friend, so he opts to refers to her as the acquaintance of the whole family and sips the tea this time. Colin's drinking is a recurring gag this season, showcasing his growing attraction towards Pen.
From the Queen's and Agatha's meeting, we get an interesting gag of the male suitors being thrown. Penelope fell for Colin when he fell from the horse, which is rather cheeky to remember when the one falling this time is Debling.
Penelope leaves her room just in time for her to a) be reminded of the importance of producing an heir, b) be reminded of her reasons she intended to find a husband, hearing her sisters. I believe that it is Eloise's comment that sparks Pen's hope to find a husband once again, as she gets her blessing. Penelope knew she couldn't stay away for long, but to keep her column, not because she gained hope.
It is quite reasonable that Penelope chose to promenade after week in her room. We are left to wonder why Colin choose to do so and if he was perhaps trying to see her. However, from his expression, I do believe that he was surprised to see her. Colin is the one who follows Pen this episode, showcasing the change in the dynamic. Penelope often followed him instead in the previous episode.
Penelope's styling seems very childish, with her ribbons, hair to the side and pinkish and lilac tone of her dress, perhaps a visual way for her to distance herself from the ordeal and that kiss. Colin is wearing the style akin to previous seasons, with his armor being left home. They are children once again. The willow the meet under might symbolize innocence, protection, childhood, as it somewhat shields them from the Ton. The long distance show might allude to them suddenly feeling a gap between themselves, or perhaps a need to keep their distance after the whole ordeal.
It is cheeky that Penelope relies on her double identity when asked for a reasoning. She might have just as easily pointed out the Ton itself, instead, she uses Lady Whistledown she disparaged in the last episode. Just as Colin refered to the Pen in regards to all Bridgertons, Penelope refers to her and his family regarding the embarassment. Pen thanking Colin for his kindness is of course very funny paraller to her comment about his cruelty in episode 1; a comment which might have hurt him the same.
Debling starts the episode as the hunted "prey", not only as Cressida (and later Pen) is after him, but by himself, as he wants to find a hiding place. However, Debling of course changes into the "predator" later.
Stowell House in general does not seem particularly inviting. It either displays mirrors or the "prey" on the walls, signalling Pen's entrapment. Penelope does not hide even in her corner, where she is found by the toxic buddies.
Penelope assures her mother that Ton will likely be distracted by the new scandal. Portia of course does not know that it is Penelope herself who is Lady Whistledown, and who might have a chance to publish such a scandal, but only if Pen leaves her hideout. Pen later offers social contagion as a joke, which might be a fun way of alluding to her double identity, as she holds a bit of power regarding social assesment.
Mirror imagery is quite cheeky regarding our leads and Debling. Pen's back is seen in mirror behind her, which might signal that she is currently social outcast, still uncomfortable after the incident, or visual signal of Pen hiding her identity.
With Colin's arrival, it is Pen who looks at him first, just when he looks at Eloise. Colin notices and continues to look, while Pen looks away and hides as a "prey". Colin turns away and we see a glimpse of him in the mirror. Pen fell first, but he fell harder. Colin flees the mirror, as he will continue to do so in this episode, following her.
Debling does not mind the mirror at all (something he seems to share with Agatha and Benedict) and as Pen becomes more comfortable, the mirror seems to dissapear from the shot. It is worth pointing out that both Colin and Debling have waistcoats with yellow ornaments, alluding to both of them being interested in Pen.
Colin is accompanied by the candles both when Eloise mentions Penelope, as well as when he is "assessing his pupil", alluding to his growing love. I do not think it was unintentional to have Alice mention his "kindheartedness", after Penelope thanks him for his "kindness". Not only do both mention the possibility of a different suitor, they also use similar language when speaking of Colin's role in it, rubbing the idea deeper.
Even more cheeky is that Alice does not refer to Penelope by name, only as a pupil, while Colin comments on it as "gossip" finding their home. Colin refers to Whistledown when asked about Penelope; while Pen is, of course, both subject of the gossip as well as its source as lady Whistledown.
Eloise'a and Cressida's scene alludes to Eloise walking to the crossroads and choosing a path she might regret. Eloise does not help Cressida much, but it is enough for her to easily win over Pen at first.
Finally, we get likely the most in face reference of the episode: Hawkins Balloon, with its blue and yellow stripes. It likely symbolizes our leads, with Colin seeing the balloon (aka embracing the opportunity of them becoming a couple), while Pen ignores it in favour of Debling.
Colin arrives in his armor, aka with his pirate coat firmly on. But his defence crumble rather quickly. He follows Penelope immedietely. At first, he follows her instruction to focus on sweets, but more and more into the scene, he just begins to look at Pen, the only exception is when Pen compliments Debling, as he feels a need to hide his feelings.
Colin loses his battle while seeing Pen eating the cake. The cake symbolized sex even back in 102, when Pen asks Marina how did she become pregnant. What is striking, though, that the next time Colin is shown on screen, he took off his coat and seems to finish Penelope's cake. Colin lets his armor down, just before his heroic moment.
The balloon is representation of a human attempt to "triumph" over the nature, to "conquer the wind". Funnily, as Colin with the help of his squad protects the balloon and wins over the wind, he loses his own battle against it internally, as the wind represents his desire for Penelope. Colin finds courage and allows himself to be vulnerable (by leaving the pirate coat, his armor, behind in the arms of one of his toxic buddies), only for him to find Penelope in Debling's embrace. Eloise and Cressida's remarks might be quite cruel foreshadowing for the later events. "It is good thing no one was injured." "Who says I wasn't?"
The distress of Colin at Innovations Ball is implied with his darker waistcoat, bare neck and him adjusting his jacket. Colin attempts his best to smile for Eloise, but it is a rather unsuccesful attempt. If I dare say, Colin seems like he is attending funeral. His question whether a man can be pensive is rather interesting, not only as it is pun on Penelope's name, but as Colin asks basically if he can be himself.
Penelope and Portia ignore the lamp, the sorce of fire and light, which I would argue, represents the love between Pen and Colin.
Benedict refers to Francesca as "his shield" from the debutantes, and we see Benedict succeeding in fleeing the debutantes with the sister by his side. Eloise, on the other hand, leaves Colin to them, leaving him "unprotected". This is hammered with Violet, who without the children by her side, becomes the target of Marcus. It is no wonder Francesca finds her man when she is allowed to return to her familiar shadows, with fireplace representing love, passion and desire once again. Benedict, too, fails to "battle the nature", as he finds himself in the embrace of his newest partner, after he meets her at the staircase, with her looking down on him.
As the debutantes ask Colin if he is as heroic on the dancefloor, Colin moves his head instead of answering, while we get the shot of Pen holding her own dancecard. It is quite clear. Colin is losing his chance.
While Penelope's and Cressida's race is for comedic effect, it showcases that a lot of times, women fight over guys they might even want, just because they fear someone else will snatch them. While Cressida is pressured to be married, no one points out that she almost married Jack last season, someone who turned out to be a schemer. Daphne won her own "race", only to end up with Simon. Cressida fails to gain Colin's attention in season 1 and 2 mostly due to her treatment of Penelope and Daphne.
Penelope finds herself on the crossroads between Colin and Debling. She chooses to look at Colin, showcasing to the audience that Pen is romantic at heart. While Colin answers the question of debutantes, he is in fact encouraging himself, but as he can't help but look at her, she takes it as his confirmation of wishing her good luck as a mentor. Just as Pen unknowingly let Colin down in willow scene with her words, Colin just done the same. Cheekily, Debling asks whether Pen has trouble with the balloon, while she answers "not at present". As she gave up on Colin in that instance.
Penelope herself pretends to love nature to secure herself a naturalist, ignoring her own desire to be with Colin. Ironically, she secures the naturalist by openly stating she does not really care about nature, when she cares about what nature represents in this episode. Debling giving Pen lemonade ties narratively to Pen leaving the lemonade at the table during the Full-Moon ball, as well as her leaving it at drawing scene with Colin.
I believe that Debling caught on Colin's feelings at this instant. The reason I believe so is that Pen's dance card was still blank and Pen gave Colin time to react. Debling did not ask Penelope for dance beforehand, and she hoped that Colin would speak... which is something Colin might have realized once Penelope gives Debling his hand and dance card is visible to him.