Online dating yahoo answers

For context, I am an American who lived in the Philippines (small towns in Leyte and Samar) for two years. I got to know the culture pretty well, but I was always confused about how dating works, especially in the countryside. I'm not planning on dating in the Philippines, I'm just curious how Filipinos date.
How do people usually meet? How does the courtship process go? How quickly do they become exclusive? Why does marriage seem to be so rare? Are there big differences between dating in cities and in the countryside?
PS: My Tagalog is very rusty but I still know Waray pretty well, so feel free to answer in that if you speak it

F 26, I was always a high, high achiever, until hitting peak burnout a couple of months ago. Realised almost everything I did was for the imaginary gold star I got from other’s.
Now I’m trying to be independent in every sense of my life, but I’ve taken a huge cut in my income, my living situation isn’t ideal for hosting dates, and I can’t give an answer for what I’ll be doing with my life in 2 or even 3 years.
I have high emotional intelligence, and I am pretty emotionally available, despite my personal goals. I am also conventionally attractive.
I know there is a stigma about people dating when they’re broke or don’t have any ambition, I think I have tons of ambition but I’m in the middle of a big change and taking risks.
I don’t know how to approach dating. I miss having intimate relationships, and I want to experience them again so badly. I’m scared to scare off men with my “I’m figuring it out” lifestyle, though.

Hello! I’m 23 years old, female, and I entered the dating scene through Catholic match. I’ve been on and off the online dating scene and many men who appear to be of good faith have been totally uninterested in me. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m slow to flirt and slow to open up, because of these things.
All of these men have been quite a distance away. They all seemed to flirt quite a bit and appeared interested until I expressed further interest. Upon which, they would end it.
Are the online standards too high? I’m an interesting person and I know I look decent and am not a bad Catholic. But many seem to have impossible standards.
Opinions?
Perhaps I need to date offline too?

I've used Tinder, Bumble (Premium) not my proudest purchase :P and Badoo. and I've gotten zero matches (local) on all of them. It's like I'm invisible to the entire dating app universe. I've tried different photos and different bios... but nothing seems to make a difference. Only matches/likes i have are from African... not a racist but we all know what they use dating apps for.
I'm starting to get frustrated and feeling like i am just not cut out for this online dating thing :(. Has anyone else ever had this problem? What did you do to turn things around?
I am 30yrs old from Pakistan born and raised here. I work as IT in Aramco. My profile is mostly of my selfies
Do local girls ever give chance to foreign people, by foreign i mean Pakistani or Indian...
Help me out! I am tired of my social circle and for a change want to date someone other than for my own country, the prospect seems to exciting.

I really need help because this has bothered me a lot and I had to go through a painful heartbreak. Specially if there's any girls, please give me your honest opinion about this, because a female perspective would be great but a male one would be good too.
I was at a first date with a girl and it was amazing and it exceeded all of our expectations and we had a wonderful time and the date went on for 7 straight hours. We walked, laughed, had deep conversations, I played her the piano, it was romantic, the connection was off the charts, a 10/10 date if you ask me. About 5 hours into the date a friend of mine called me if I wanted to grab something to eat afterwards. I said yes sure we'll go later. It was a very short phone call and I made that plan in front of the girl. And I was honest to her about it, I told her I'm gonna go grab something to eat later before I go home. It didn't seem like she minded at all and it didn't feel like I was doing something wrong, and I usually get that feeling and have a guilty conscience and feel bad even about the smallest things, but not this one, at least until recently when I really reflected on it. Have in mind that when I made that quick plan it was getting late and she didn't yet offer me to stay the night so I figured I need to go home soon so I thought I should eat something on the way home, but I didn't tell her all that exactly, I just told her I'm gonna go grab something to eat later. Soon afterwards she did ask me if I wanted to stay the night but I didn't say yes or no, I was just visibly thinking so hard about it that I couldn't even give a concrete answer, and tbh we were making out so I couldn't really speak too much anyway. Very soon afterwards my mom called me and asked me to go home because no one was supposed to be home and we never leave an empty house (because of our dog and the house key). She asked me again if I wanted to stay and I again was thinking hard but I told her my mom called me and I have to go home because no one was supposed to be home, so I finally decided I have to go, it was the right and responsible thing to do. She offered to drive me home and I wouldn't let her. Specially because I was already 6/7 minutes late for the date 7 hours before that (I had a valid excuse because there was no bus and that's what I told her but the real reason was that she said in the last minute if we can go half an hour earlier and I didn't want to say no because I thought I could make it in time but I was wrong, anyway she didn't mind it and I apologised both beforehand and afterwards at least 3 times) and when it was time to pay for food that we ordered she wouldn't let me, I tried to talk her into letting me pay for about 15 whole minutes but she just wouldn't back down, and I'm usually very very stubborn and I didn't want to be that stubborn on the first date, and I didn't want to argue about it so I suggested we play rock paper scissors and the winner pays, and I lost. So I was against her driving me home specially because she did too much already and it was awkward for me but she got in her car and started the engine so I got in you know, what was I supposed to do? When she drove me off I told her thank you but I told her that she really did too much. And even though I had to go because of my mom and she knew that, I still went on to grab a bite with my two friends because I live in a town outside of the city where she lived so it was on the way, like a 5 minute walk from my house, and I was there for 30-40 minutes before I got home. I asked her to text me when she gets back home so I know everything's okay because she barely knew the way back and had to use google maps, and it turns out I got home only about 25 minutes after her even though I didn't get to tell her that. The very next morning she sent me a text in which she broke things off and said that she had a wonderful time and that I'm so sweet and that I didn't do anything wrong but she wasn't ready for anything serious and things were getting really serious and fast and she gets attached quickly so she has to break it off. I understood at the time and believed her so I decided to do my own thing and maybe reach out to her later if she's ready. Eventually I did and she turned me down and said that it "just wasn't it" for her.
My question is, do you think I did anything wrong, like planning that quick catch up with my friend in front of her? Is it wrong to do that? Because I didn’t really check with her. Would it be valid if she ended things because of that because she maybe felt left behind or whatever reason? I honestly don't think it's that bad to go out for a really shortwhile with my friends after such a long date, specially because she didn’t yet offer for me to stay and it was getting late. Or could it be something else that I mentioned that I did wrong? Should I have still payed for example? Could it be a combination of things? I also didn’t always reply too fast to her messages, sometimes it took me some time but I always tried to reply as soon as I saw it. I know she said I didn't do anything wrong but it turns out she wasn't really honest about other things so I'm not sure. And it would be easier for me if I knew I didn't fumble things.

I applied for a maintenance position, took my online test in early may and got scheduled for the hands on test at the end of June. While waiting for the hands on date, I got a job offer at Ford’s Blue oval plant. I was wondering if you guys think it would be a good move to take the hands on test with UPS considering all the lay offs going on or just stick with the Blue oval offer?

So, I [F24] have a hard time with dating. I’ve only had two long term relationships throughout my life and these were with men I had met in college. So, the connection I felt with them felt instant since I knew what they had looked like right away, I developed a crush on them naturally, and the anticipation felt stronger and intense. Then again I was “young and dumb” (still young and dumb), but the infatuation felt stronger with these guys. I never really experienced dating casually until after my recent breakup.
It’s been over a year since my breakup and I’m now working, so meeting men has been a challenge. I find myself on dating apps and occasionally going out on a date once in a while with them. All the men I’ve met from the apps were nice and I never felt anything “off” about anyone, but I just never really felt a spark with someone from meeting them the first time? Most of the time it just felt like how it was - meeting a stranger from the Internet who I happened to have a few things in common with but not enough to capture interest to move to a second date.
Should I aim to go on second dates with these men if the first date wasn’t “bad” but wasn’t necessarily amazing either? Or should I keep trying to wait for this instant “spark?” I’m the type of person who takes awhile to open up anyways so going on a first date with me isn’t a good indication of what a relationship would be like with me.

Preface:
Getting scores in a high percentile like these is uncommon and should differ from what you expect of yourself. I was surprised at the score I got, and glad I got it, but I would've been happy for less, and so will Dental schools!
Also, I want to mention how I felt about resources and what worked for me, but that is coming from someone with a learning style that is likely different from yours; only take my advice if it works for you! You know you best, so I encourage you to study in a way that works. On the other hand, if anything I did sounds promising, definitely use it! A big part of learning how to succeed on the DAT is understanding how you learn. Gotta know yourself before you can conquer this beast.
I hope this helps!
Scores:
PAT - 23 QR - 19 RC - 25 Bio - 30 GC - 24 OC - 25 TS - 26 AA - 25
Background: I am currently a senior with a 3.7~ GPA. I am also a first-generation student, and my unconventional educational background basically equated to no real education before college.
Materials Used (in order of helpfulness):

1. DAT Booster - A wonderful resource for exam preparation. While I didn't have the opportunity to try other resources, I have heard a lot about them, and it sounded like DAT Booster does a better job at focusing on the most critical/high-yield topics, especially in the sciences. I didn't feel like I was doing too many practice problems while still feeling like I was getting enough practice. In other words, I never felt like I was "grinding my gears" when studying and practicing the three sciences tested. While the DAT booster presented a more challenging version of PAT than I experienced on the DAT, it also does an excellent job of preparing you because of that challenge. Stay encouraged if it always feels hard; you may do better than you think on PAT. Reading comprehension practice tests were a great tool to practice under timed conditions. I recommend taking as many full-length tests as possible, which helped me the most. Finally, the QR materials from DAT Booster gave me more of an issue than anything else because of my background; I often felt left behind, confused, or like I wouldn't understand the material. I had to go to external resources like Khan Academy or chat GPT to get my questions answered. That being said, I hear the DAT Booster team is working on improving it, and the QR practice tests are a fantastic representation of the actual test. I got a lower score than my Booster scores predicted on QR, so the scoring may be a poor measure, but the tests themselves felt very accurate to the exam.
2. Quizlet - When it came to reviewing material or, in some cases, learning it - Quizlet was my best friend. I studied as much as I could in a "learning" format for the critical memorized details of the sciences through watching videos, reading bio-notes, and taking notes on what I learned to retain information. Still, I never felt like I'd have enough time to get all the most critical information down before my test date, and that's where Quizlet saved me. I studied new units of DAT Booster's quizlet decks almost every night before bed. I also habitually pulled up Quizlet instead of social media whenever I could. I found that as I would go through the flashcards until I swiped right on each one, confident I knew the answer, I retained that information much better. After getting the same flashcard wrong multiple times in a row, remembering the right answer became much more critical. If you can do all the booster quilts with >80% accuracy (assuming you understand the topics, not just the card's phrasing/answer), I believe you will reach your goal DAT score in at least biology.

Study Timeline: When I started studying, I had three months before my test date. I set a goal to study for at least three hours each day alongside my lab and course load, and I got overwhelmed. At least for me, it wasn't until I changed my goal to an "amount" goal instead of a "time" goal that I started making progress.
I did not get time to study until about a month and a half before my test date; before that, I had only gotten about a week's worth of studying over my semester. I followed Booster's 10-week study schedule rigorously, but because I was behind, I tried to study 2 days of material daily. I ended up having to skip over the material I felt good about during the learning phase to get enough time to study the topics, which I felt more shaky on. That being said, I never skipped a practice test date. I prioritized getting a test in, and if I ever felt overwhelmed, I would do it section by section instead of full-length (although full-length tests are essential).
After I got into the practice/review phase, I noticed the days in the study guide had much less structure than the days in the learning phase, so instead of following the schedule, I spent my days going over topics I felt I wanted to improve based on how I felt during my practice tests. I got to this phase about three and a half weeks before my test date and ended up doing a practice test almost every other day, sometimes separating them when I felt studying would be more productive than testing again (usually when I thought I knew what area I had to improve, and I didn't feel like I made enough progress for a practice test to be practical; I already knew where I needed to focus my study).
The most important thing I did during this time was review the practice tests, seeking to understand not only the correct answers to every question (including what I got right) but also why the wrong answers were wrong and what would have made them true. Since the DAT uses multiple choice - and those choices are almost always real terms or definitions/options - you can learn a lot when reviewing them. This is less relevant for mathematics questions, but conceptual questions always benefit from this.
I also took day-long breaks. For religious reasons, I never studied for one day of the week. Whatever the reason, though, making a standard during this time to not study for some time during the week, almost an unbreakable self-rule, creates a space in your hectic studying to be not allowed to think about or study for the test. With this time, you can truly relax and recuperate. Your brain needs rest, too!
Day of Exam

• Bio (30): I was surprised how many questions were similar to practice tests or were mentioned as high-yield topics. I felt confident about most of my answers, but I always used the process of elimination to ensure I was being as accurate as possible.
• GC (24): I was glad I didn't neglect simple topics in favor of complex ones. There were questions on here that getting right only required a second of review, but without it, I would've missed them. Make sure you feel good about the topics that feel easy! If you get easy questions wrong and only hard ones right, you'll do poorly on the test.
• OC (25): Memorized reactions/conditions, aromaticity, NMR, IR, stereochemistry, and specific experimental reactions were tested. Again, I feel I got the most points by knowing the general reagents and conditions for most reactions, not by memorizing each exception to the rule. Get points on the easier things to memorize if you feel you can't get it all.
• PAT (23): Honestly, having fun here was helpful. It is a stressful section, but it can feel more manageable when you start seeing houses, ducks, hole-punching patterns, etc. I found that the keyhole, TFE, and folding questions were easier than a booster, while the angle ranking and hole-punching were about the same. Cube counting almost felt more difficult, but I marked the difficult ones and came back. The biggest thing here is not to lose points on more straightforward questions by getting caught up on hard ones.
• RC (25): Unlike Booster's representation, the questions on my RC test were more vague and or inferred knowledge and less directly pulled from the passage's wording. My strategy was to speed through the passages and mark only words that were names, dates, numbers, things in "quotes", and any new or odd terminology. I would also mark things that seemed to portray the tone or the author's opinion. I think setting a strict guideline for marking helped me move faster. The marking tool worked slightly less smoothly than Booster, so I used the tutorial to practice single-word/paragraph marking with speed.
• QR (19): This whole section is a trick question; getting caught on difficult questions is a trap. Despite booster predicting a higher score (20-22), I didn't do as well here, but I feel the rule of guessing, marking, and skipping is still valid. I would also mention that you'll often be tempted to double-check an answer, but if you got something that matches exactly, I would just review the logic used to reach the conclusion and then move on. Most questions were word problems; getting proficient at converting into algebraic format is crucial.

What I Think Helped the Most:
If I could distill everything I learned from this experience, it would be

1. Don't worry if you're having a bad day. I had a lot of practice test days where I felt awful; somewhere, I was almost throwing up because of my anxiety, but I still was able to perform better than I anticipated. This knowledge helped reduce anxiety on test day - I knew I did okay even at my worst, so I felt it'd be okay.
2. Focus on high-yield topics: Pay attention to what is often repeated, quizzed, or shows up on practice tests. THESE TOPICS MATTER AND WILL SHOW UP! I remember usually thinking, "But what if studying this is a waste of time because it won't show up?" while that is true when you're low on time; if it's a high-yield topic, do not overlook it. Please ensure you understand those topics and can do them well; these are where easy points can be made, and crucial points can be lost.
3. Have a support group: I didn't mention it above, but without my family and friends being there, checking on my progress, helping lighten the burden of my daily tasks, and being there to listen during stressful times, I would've done terribly on this test. Even if it's the lovely pre-dents on social media, connect with people and get support.
4. Keep studying. Even when it feels like you have it all down or maybe that you'll never be able to learn it all (like how I felt), never stop giving your best, whatever that is, to study and practice. Don't expect the same level of effort or performance from yourself every day, and make sure to take breaks before you break, but also just keep putting in an effort. You can do this!

So I came out of a long term relationship about 6 months ago. Promised myself I was just going to date and stay single. Turns out I don't know how to do that and ended up getting in a relationship with a girl for the past 6 months, knowing that I didn't want it, and I was going to break her heart eventually. She fell head over heels for me. And said she's never felt anything like this before. She's 7 years younger than me. cute and just generally soft. And after 6 months I finally ended it with her and it destroyed her. I felt like I kicked a kitten to death. Felt like the biggest arsehole on the planet. She has no one else. No friends and lives alone. And she always said during the relationship. That I was her best friend. And after i broke it off yesterday, she was devastated and today she begged me to just at least stay friends with her as she has no one else. I told her I'd consider it but did tell her that I will never see her again In person. If we stayed friends it'd be solely online. We used to play games and chat together all the time. And now she's begging for just that so she has someone and something to do and keep her distracted. I want to because I'm actually into the game we are currently playing and I cant play alone, but also the concept of her just being alone in her small apartment is killing me inside. Do you guys think its wise? Or will this just hurt more in the long run? I told her about 10 times ill consider it but there is absolutely no hope whatsoever of us ever getting back together and the relationship is dead. She said she will accept it. And if i say yes we will not talk about anything except the game. But she can't be alone. I felt like a pure arsehole. Still do. What do I do? Do I play games with her online? Or do I just cold turkey it rip the plaster off and let her suffer until she heals?
Tldr: broke up with someone. She has no one else. Lives alone. Wants to stay friends and play games with me.

This story is one that started a long time ago, but still affects my (32F) day-to-day life. Sorry everyone, it's a long one.
It began about 17 years ago, when I was 15 and still in school. I frequented internet forums including several fan sites of video games and books I enjoyed. One of these was a role playing forum where I and five others were writing stories together in our favourite universes. I got along well with the other members and it was a great way for me to learn English. Importantly, we only ever communicated through text, never through voice or video calls.
This is where I met the main character of this story, let's call him Tom. Tom said he was 19 years old, and was the only guy active on the forum. He had a great way with words, was mature beyond his years, and had a natural charisma about him. Naturally, as a 15-year-old with no prior experience with relationships, I was instantly drawn to this mysterious, well-spoken figure. Over the course of a month since meeting him, our conversations grew in frequency and depth, until eventually we spoke to each other on chat clients for 3-4 hours a day. At the same time, we continued writing our stories, including a plethora of romantic scenes between our respective characters. We also shared poems that we had written. It was an intense experience for me - I had never really had such a deep connection with a 'boy' before.
My parents never really taught me the importance of internet safety, and I can't blame them: it was all still very new at this time, also to them. It was Tom and my other friends on the forum that stressed how important it was to keep personal information private, especially when they learned my age. Tom especially was adamant never to share my location or photo with anyone, not even with him. It made me feel safe with him - for how could someone who so actively dissuaded me from sharing my information be a monster?
Of course I fell in love with him, to whatever extent a 15-year-old brain can comprehend love.
From written descriptions I had given of myself, Tom had expressed that he thought I must look beautiful, and so the fool that I was I gathered up the courage to send him a picture of myself anyway, desperate for his approval. He was complimentary, but did ask me why I had sent him a picture. I admitted my feelings for him. Tom was understanding, but stressed that he would never be able to give me what I needed from him.
Still, that did not stop either of us from progressing the nature of our interactions into something more sinister. I call it sinister looking back on it as an adult; at the time it was titillating and exciting. We started to send each other 'kisses' goodnight, sent back and forth explicit drawings depicting characters that looked like us, and described other intimate interactions over chat.
My mother once came into my room and witnessed Tom calling me by an endearing term. She interrogated me and I begged her not to make me break off contact with Tom. She listened to me, but made me promise her to be sensible. I want to scream at her now for not stopping it then.
My school friends did what my mother could not: they were concerned for my safety, and stepped to the headmistress, who called me into her office. After telling Tom about the encounter, he panicked. He told me we could no longer chat, and made me promise to tell the headmistress that it was over. I was heartbroken, but promised him.
I did ask Tom if we could still communicate through other means - we were doing some online art projects together that we both wanted to finish. He said yes, we could still maintain contact over e-mail and forum DM, but chat was off the table for now. I took what I could get.
The years that followed were chaotic. Sometimes our contact would be e-mail only, then we would move back to chat. At times, when things got too hard, I would decide to go no-contact for a while. I had my first real relationships in the lulls, but I would always come back. Tom would always receive me with open arms, either as a friend whenever I was dating someone, or rekindling our romantic interactions when I was not. He was always kind, patient, sensitive, and seemed selfless in his interactions with me. He made me feel so good about myself that I became obsessed with him, convinced he was the love of my life.
Three years in, Tom knew my real name, knew where I lived, and had seen nudes of me (he used one as his desktop background for years). At the same time, I knew nothing about Tom. What was worse, the few details he had unintentionally revealed weren't adding up.
Tom always portrayed our story as one of star-crossed lovers who due to circumstance outside our control could never be together. He told me I would never love him if I ever saw him in real life. First he claimed that his face had been ruined by flesh-eating bacteria. When my biology degree taught me that it's nearly impossible to survive that, he claimed body dysmorphic disorder (which I think to some extent was true).
Things reached boiling point six years into this mess. He slipped up, and revealed a detail about his life that directly contradicted the only concrete thing he had ever told me about himself: his age. I took a day to process, then confronted him, asking him how old he really was. After some initial resistance, he admitted that he had lied.
Mid-thirties, he said. A decade(!) older than he had at first claimed. I should have been furious, but after 6 years of being charmed and manipulated by him, I could only feel sorry for him. When I assured him that nothing between us had to change because of a 'number', he dropped the next bombshell:
Tom: "Alright then. Mid-forties."
I felt like I couldn't breathe. For years, I had been having sexually explicit conversations with someone old enough to be my father when I had believed him to be my age. What was worse, it had all started when I was underage. I gave Tom an ultimatum: either tell me the full truth about who he was; or lose me forever. I gave him two weeks to send me his information. He decided not to, which should have immediately set off the alarm bells that there was even more he was lying about; more he had to hide. I didn't even consider that in the moment; my heart was broken once again, and I cut off contact.
At the time, Tom and I had a number of mutual friends that we both spoke to regularly. Two of these were my cousin and his wife. I went to see them after I found out about Tom's real age, trying to find solace and understanding from someone who also knew him. I felt incredibly betrayed and angry, and asked that they also break contact - maybe that was a bit of an a-hole move. They said no: after all, Tom had never revealed his age to my cousin or his wife. As such, he had never lied to them, only to me, and they were not willing to end their friendship with Tom over that. When I asked what they thought of a 40-year-old having explicit conversations with a 15-year-old, they said that from a certain age, the teenager also has a responsibility in preventing this.
My cousin and his wife were not the only mutual friends that knew what was going on. Amazingly and invariably, NONE of our mutual friends chose to break contact with Tom over this. It caused immense doubt in me. Was I wrong in judging Tom for lying to me? Maybe the lie wasn't so terrible. And all those explicit conversations? Well, I instigated a large number of them, not Tom, so maybe I was equally, if not largely, to blame.
The way I see it now: Tom is like a cult leader: no matter what he does or says, his 'followers' will defend him; even blame themselves if it strips him of guilt. What is worse, anyone who dropped out of his inner circle would feel incredibly isolated and excluded. My friends would not play games with me because they preferred playing games with him. They would not write with me, because writing with him was so much more fun. I wish I'd had the strength to stay away, but one year later I came crawling back, desperate to be included into his circle once again, desperate for his affection that the others seemed to thrive under.
I was 22 at this time. Our contact was sporadic for the next four years - I was hesitant to engage romantically with him, even though part of me, despite everything he had put me through, still 'loved' him (trust me, writing this down, my naivety is making me want to claw my eyes out). I entered a relationship with someone else during this time, and went back to no-contact for most of its 4-year duration. When that relationship ended, Tom and I started talking more again, slowly slipping back into old habits and using the same terms of endearment we had used in the past. Tom revealed more details about himself now - he would talk about his boss, his sister, his friends, his home-town, and discussed things that were going on in his personal life. We also started talking over voice-chat, and damn it, he had an attractive voice.
I had just turned 27 when a response of his triggered me. We were recalling the early days of our interactions, and I mentioned how he had once accidentally sent me an e-mail from a throwaway account. I recalled the address letter by letter (I have a mild form of autism). He went very quiet, and then said that my memory was astounding.
Something in my lizard brain decided to look up the name in that e-mail address. I had done the same 12 years prior, but I had much more information now. It took me three hours to cross-reference the tidbits of information he had fed me over the months and years within the context of this name. And what do you know: it WAS his real name. I continued looking for the rest of the evening.. and I found much more than I bargained for.
You see, Tom was not the only person registered to his house. He was reported to live there with a woman who shared his last name, let's call her Hannah. I naively thought she might be the sister he mentioned (though he had given another name). Fortunately for me, Hannah was a lot less careful than Tom with her personal information, and I soon found a link to her blog on her Twitter page. A goldmine of information, going back over 10 years, covering almost every single day since Tom and I started talking.
My blood went cold as I started reading. It soon became clear to me that not only was Hannah his WIFE of 25-or-so years, they had an 11-year-old SON together (let's call him Jacob). I was 100% sure it was his wife writing - I could easily cross-reference the little things he had told me (assembling a bookcase, having lamb for dinner, visiting SIL for the weekend, getting a sunburn) with the details she was sharing about their life.
Once more, I should have run for the hills. Once more, I didn't. I often wonder how I could have been so stupid as to let this shitshow continue for so long, despite the thousand-and-one reasons Tom had given me to drop him. I can only attribute it to some kind of twisted sunk cost fallacy. By recognising Tom for the monster that he was, I had to face having loved that monster for over a decade. It meant admitting to myself that I was a terrible judge of character, and how could I possibly trust anyone ever again if I could not trust my own judgment? Also, all our mutual friends had always normalised his behaviour to the extent that it seemed almost arrogant to say that HE was in the wrong.
Because of the reactions that I had received from my friends and cousin last time, I kept what I knew to myself, even from Tom. Enter the next ridiculous phase of the story: Tom was saying how he was ordering a passport SO THAT HE COULD COME TO VISIT ME AND MY COUSIN. And idiot that I was, I wanted nothing more, because I was STILL IN LOVE WITH THE SH*T even after everything he had done, now not only to me, but also to his wife Hannah and his son.
I met him in real life five months later. He would be visiting my house for the day, and I was planning to confront him about what I knew. I had given one of my close friends his real name and address, and had told them to contact the police in the event they didn't hear from me by evening - I had no idea how Tom would react when exposed. Probably the fact that I felt unsafe in the first place should have been enough reason not to meet him alone.
We met, and I wish I didn't feel attracted to this 50-year-old but I did. We talked a lot. Eventually, I decided to test him, to see if he would be disloyal to his wife. While our conversations had definitely been flirty over the past year or so, I had never actually been straight with Tom and told him I still felt the same way. So I told him. Credit to him where it is due, he said he couldn't pursue a relationship with me, but followed it up with 'that we could still hold hands and hug'. He did not tell me why he couldn't, of course.
Only then did I reveal what I knew. I told him I've known for months now what his real name is, where he works, where he lives, and who he lives with. I probably could've been a bit more sensitive in how I brought it up (but let's be honest he doesn't deserve it and I was pretty pissed off keeping this stuff inside for 5 months). He turned incredibly pale and said that I could ask him anything I wanted to know. I asked him about his wife and their relationship (which hadn't been good for years according to him), his son (the pride of his life), and why on earth he had chosen to have explicit exchanges with a 15-year-old as a married man ('I was drunk').
During his stay, we were never intimate in the 'spicy' way, but we did hold hands a lot, he would have his hand on my leg, and we shared long hugs. He stayed the nights at my cousin's, and a few days later he left to go back to his country.
I am not proud of what happened next. Over the next months, we video chatted almost every evening. The conversations got flirtier, the amount of clothes we were wearing diminished until we both went into the calls topless.
One night, things escalated. We had gotten into a fight earlier in the evening - he had revealed that during that first real-life meeting, he had made an audio recording of the whole conversation, apparently so he could later prove to his wife that nothing happened. I responded that it was ok (it totally wasn't but that's beside the point), that I had taken precautions as well, and told him about the friend I had contacted. He lost it, saying I had no right to share his personal details with my friend or anyone else. I got angry in return, saying that he had no reason to distrust me as in the 12 years of knowing each other I had never lied to him; on the other hand I had EVERY reason to distrust him as he literally hid a wife and son from me, and had lied to a 15-year-old girl about his age.
We were both emotionally drained after, and I took things a step further that night, and seduced him into doing more together in front of the camera, maybe knowing that he would be too drained to refuse. He asked me later if I had consciously manipulated him into going along with it, choosing a vulnerable moment to strike - maybe I did, and I regret it.
Over the next months, our 'mishap' developed into a full-blown affair. I visited his home-town about 5 times in the year that followed. We kissed, and did basically everything apart from the 'deed' itself. I think he never wanted to have traditional sex either because then he could keep justifying to himself that he hadn't cheated on his wife, or because he was terrified of getting me pregnant. During my stays in his home-town, he would bring his son Jacob along to our lunches and dinners. Mostly to pacify his wife I suspect, for how could it be an affair with his son around? I loved the kid, we got along well, but I hated the lie that I had to live. To put myself through this was one thing, but it was so unbelievably unfair on Hannah and Jacob.
The whole situation sent me into severe depression. I was abandoning my morals for this man whom I still could not trust. I was lonely, and didn't date because I refused to be a cheater myself (maybe hypocritical). With every real-life meeting, his mask slipped further, and by the end there was little left of the charismatic, caring man that I had imagined him to be. Still, I was so entangled with him that I could not imagine my life without Tom. I did not know who I was without this person, who had completely overshadowed at this point almost half my life and all my adult life. I was stuck.
Eventually, I gave Tom an ultimatum again: Hannah, or me. I gave him two months to make up his mind. We spoke daily, and as his 'deadline' was approaching he became verbally aggressive with me, saying that he wasn't enjoying our conversations as much as he used to because I kept bringing up the choice he had to make. I asked him what he needed from me. He said he needed more time. I am ashamed to say I gave him that time.
I was lucky to have found two very close friends among my colleagues over the course of this whole drama. They had slowly witnessed the situation devolve into something unmaintainable. One of them often visited when I had panic attacks; she even slept next to me on the bad nights to make sure I'd be ok. They recommended me to make written lists of the red flags that I saw, the abusive behaviours Tom had demonstrated, and the effects the whole situation was having on me. They made me see how he would never choose me, that he was happy using everything and everyone as long as it served his needs. They slowly guided me into making the right decision during a work conference, when I didn't have time to contact Tom. Being away from his reach for a week, combined with the continuous talks with my two friends throughout the conference, made me strong enough to make a decision. Together, we agreed that as soon as I got back home, I would call Tom and cut ties with him. My friends would be available on call straight after.
Thanks to my friends, I went through with it. I cut contact almost three years ago now. As expected, he did not fight for me, and never tried to contact me again. My friends saw me through the worst of it.
Four months after cutting ties with Tom, I met the man who is now my husband, and we are currently expecting a baby. He makes me unbelievably happy, and has taught me what a loving relationship should feel like. He knows about this whole story and is very supportive. He even encouraged me to post this as he believes it'd help me process things.
I am still in touch with some of Tom's friends: my cousin, his wife, and a 40-year-old woman who has been my friend since the start of this whole story and was my MOH during my wedding. I have decided not to hold it against them that they cannot let go of Tom - hell, I couldn't let go for 14 years. It just demonstrates the horrible grip and influence he has on people. My MOH and I have an understanding that we don't discuss Tom, and that saved the friendship - we actually have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company a lot. I refuse to lose any more people over him.
I am in a good place now, looking forward to the future, and can't wait to meet our child. Still, this experience has not left me unscathed. I still struggle with trust, in other people and myself, and feel that I am responsible for a lot of what happened. I feel incredibly ashamed and naive for my behaviour over the years. I especially feel horrible about what I did to Hannah and Jacob - as far as I know, Tom never told them about the affair, but I would be very surprised if Hannah didn't know what was going on. I do have my suspicions that I am not the only one Tom did this with, but I have no proof, and it does not take away any of my responsibility in all of this.
So reddit: did I seduce Tom as a 15-year-old, or did he groom me and manipulate me into falling for him? Or was our interaction simply toxic on both sides, and not any one person's fault? And AITA for having pursued this affair even after I found out Tom was married? Also, should I reach out to Hannah (though honestly I would be a bit scared to do so, and I don't feel at all like reinserting myself into Tom's life in any way)?
And finally the question that still keeps me up at night: did Tom ruin half my life, or did I do that all by myself? And if I had a role to play in this, am I fit to be a mother?
TL;DR: As a 15-year-old, I fell in love with a man who claimed he was 19 but was actually 40. 12 years later, I found out he had a wife and son, but had become so infatuated with him that I pursued an affair with him. I ended the affair two years later but still feel guilty. I feel like much of what happened is my responsibility, since I instigated most of the intimacy. AITA?

My wife has been trying to find a some remote work, data entry mostly. Come across several scammy looking things, and then we found 24 Seven Talent.
Offering 10-40 hours a week at just under $24. Seeing mixed reviews online, she asked for more information and got this:
"All the required training will be provided to you before the starting date by our training partner. On the starting date for this position, a proficiency assessment task will be given to you to assess your performance. After this, a meeting will be scheduled with you to give you feedback on your performance and to sign all the necessary paperwork.
This position requires the following equipment/tools: 1. Dedicated Computer 2. A licensed DE application software for performing all the assigned tasks, monitoring, and reporting.
The training and all the above-listed equipment are prerequisites for this position. A check for $2450 will be mailed to your address.
This check is to be used for : 1. The purchase of the required equipment. 2. The training fees 3. Your first week compensation of $250
The order instruction will be forwarded to you when the check is cleared and deposited."
I'm trying to find something that ISN'T a red flag in all of that.

Hi all
I am trying to calculate the earliest date that I can apply for ILR (5 year route under SWV) but it looks like my current visa expires 2 weeks before my qualifying period starts. I know that I should first extend my visa before I can apply for ILR, but I decided to double check, if this would be necessary as I read a few posts here and there mentioning that one can make an application online and pay before their visa expires, and then make an appointment for biometrics after the qualifying period kicks in, therefore covering the remaining days before qualifying period under section 3C.
Is it possible? Anyone’s done it recently and had a successful decision?
Thanks x

I have been self-studying some basic words, phrases and grammar rules of Xhosa but I have quite a few questions as I have started learning (eg. how to translate certain sentences, formal and informal phrases, pronunciation, etc.) that don't really have answers online and would really require a speaker to help. I don't live anywhere near SA and also want to keep this as a surprise from my parents (who are native speakers).
If you're willing to help, send me a DM and we can talk there. I'll only be asking small, simple questions so nothing too much, as long as you have time to answer them.
Thank you

Sunday, June 02 - Saturday, June 08, 2024

Top 10 Posts

score	comments	title & link
262	60 comments	[misandry] Women's Groups in Italy demand men to 'stay silent' about Domestic Abuse. They perceive helping these men as an "attack on women."
241	45 comments	[article] "I am trans and hate the online demonization of masculinity" | The Michigan Daily OP-ED
165	42 comments	[mental health] I was always a leftist. Feminist. But then...
160	24 comments	[legal rights] Actor Shivam Patil opens up about being a male abuse survivor. His horrid account reveals the consequences of gender-biased laws across the world that deprive male victims from ever finding safety and justice.
142	26 comments	[discussion] Is there some term for the unwillingness to assign any malignant agency to anything women individually or collectively do? Example: when a woman murders her husband its is always portrayed as 'he made her do it'.
136	53 comments	[discussion] When it comes to men making women comfortable, there is never really a win for men.
119	112 comments	[discussion] What do we do when the inevitable male far right backlash comes?
118	24 comments	[discussion] Let's make Men's Mental Health Month a big deal
116	75 comments	[article] Opinion | Boys and Men Get Everything, Except the Thing That’s Most Worth Having
96	7 comments	[education] Society is super unforgiving of male incompetence and inaptitude, guys are so used to getting disciplined about everything, but not really getting like the guidance about something, I feel like society has doubled on this problem due to society's current educational neglect of boys/men

 

Top 10 Comments

score	comment
160	pvtshoebox said A lot of good points are made in the article. I had a few small critiques. My biggest concern is that it is always stated that boys/men lack the skills to discuss their feelings. Honestly, imagin...
131	SentientRock209 said The article linked above is an op-ed by a trans man speaking on their experience seeing the villainization of men and masculinity both online and in real life via friend groups they've come across. Th...
130	angry_cabbie said Move the left away from the oppressooppressed narrative that had become dominant. Whether people want to accept it or not, that narrative tends to tell young men that they are the problem, because t...
127	MannerNo7000 said I’ve dated minority women and some of them love to wip out the ‘you’re so privileged white guy’ lines when they’re mad. I never once said they were victims. ‘Some’ Women will always weaponise guilt...
112	Embarrassed-Tune9038 said I.e. reduced sentencing for women.
108	eli_ashe said forcing people to cater to your emotions is a form of abuse. that's really all this is, women in particular shaming others into conforming their behavior, no matter how innocuous, to fit with their em...
105	Global-Bluejay-3577 said Perhaps I am quite biased here - being a male and all- but I don't think young men are so problematic as you assume, in fact I think that's a part of the problem here I, along with probably just abou...
104	Low_Rich_5436 said "For every right-wing tough guy urging his crying son to “man up,” there’s a voice from the left telling him that to express his concerns is to take airtime away from a woman or someone more marginali...
97	NYD3030 said I just reject the notion that boys are flawed girls who are bad at feelings. We're different. I think the pressure to cry and to emote all the time is actually causing some perfectly normal boys to qu...
87	pvtshoebox said She also had it on her campaign website. Another loud bit of misandry went under the radar, too. At their last "debate," HRC was asked about her plan for Syrian refugees. She said: > I am not go...

 

I know this is not only my issue, and OSU has tons of people but I had a couple questions that they will not answer for me so maybe I can get some insight on here.
Room change- does anyone know when the final date to get your notification of a room change is? I know they said they were doing them in may and June, does this mean once June is over, and if I haven’t heard back by then, I won’t be getting a room change?
Scholarships- my financial aid is posted on BuckeyeLink. (Loans only). My scholarships on scholarship universe that I applied for are still saying in review, but since my aid is posted and none of them were included in my aid, does this mean I got none of them? It still says that 50+ are under review, but since I already got my aid I was just wondering if that eliminated the chance of getting scholarships
Any info is appreciated!

I am a girl interested in 3 way relationship with 2 guys(bi and around my age 18-21). Its taboo in my area compared to 1 guy & 2 girls which is considered more normal due many things like history and mentality of purity for girls. Mostly girls follow virgin until marriage rule and get married early.
Such guys are minority so my expectations are not very high as long as they are respectful ,loyal, responsible and serious about career. Its difficult in real life so in online how to find if they are serious and its not just as a kink? I am new to online dating so how much time before you meet and details to know before meeting?

Long long story sorry. Rules set out by soon to be Husband 1, no church. OK no problem 2, no cake. OK far to expensive anyway 3, equal number of guests. Interesting as 4 including him in his family, 10 in mine, plus 10 mutual friends plus his work mates who had children/teenagers so allowed for plus ones for each teenager as I know the venue had arcade and at least they could enjoy it. 12 people total of 38 just incase. So I ordered Package deal of Christmas set meal of 12 starters, 12 Mains and 12 Deserts choice for each person which also included 50 tickets per person on the arcade game machines one of which was white water rapids I wanted to go on. 4, no wedding Dress. He believed that as we add been living together for 10 years there was no point in a wedding dress. Wrong ì would ware what I wanted to. 5, no flowers. He did not understand it was already decorated for Christmas as we were having registered wedding on 18th December. 6, an extra place was to be set for his deceased brother. I had never met his brother and as he was paying nothing towards the wedding there was no way I was having my family pay for a full meal for a ghost. 6, Who would be our witnesses. Agreed. 7,no top table (no idea how to explain that to parents) 8, no speeches (not his choice so tough)
Registrars rules 1 no alcohol in room ( room had a bar in it and had to be emptied before wedding which venue kindly did) 2 no religious themes in room (exception for Christmas Decorations as long as no crosses,) 3, no walking down an aisle (so Bridesmaids and farther of the bride cannot walk together STUPID RULE) my Dad did not get to walk any of his daughters down an aisle, I did offer to take him to Tescos so we could walk down an aisle which made him laugh and he was OK with that)
Bridesmaids, Sister and Niece told, venue was totally floor to ceiling red, as the room at Dave and Busters was set for Christmas. Dresses were paid for by my parents, in any choice of style, colour and length totally their choice. I ended up paying for Husband to be leather trousers and I had brought him a shirt which he did not want to ware and said he would buy his own. Not sure why I had to buy leather trousers. During fitting no available dresses in my size to try so dressmaker surprised me by getting my size 10 Sister to try the dress on. Mom was so happy as my sister didn't wear a wedding dress for her wedding. No way would I look anything like her as I was a 20 the dress had to be 2 sizes up from that due to fitting and Sister 5ft 0in I am 5ft 8in she is blond blue eyes I am mousey and Hazel eyes. I could not say a thing as parents were paying and mom was happy.
The wedding hell ( day)
Hairdresser took 4 hours for 2 do ups 1 wash and blow dry. I told him to do same as usual, which usually took 30 minutes however he decided to add a little body to my hair which I said OK, but he had spoken to my mother, they agreed ringlets would look great, I hate ringlets and curly hair. I felt awful as he put curlers in for body, sprayed it with stuff and left me for 3 hours whilst he did the others, promising me the spray would make it have a slight wave, like hell. Others looked great and no time to fix it, as had to get ready.
So Bridesmaids wore red satin A line dresses (yep you could not see them in a red room)Dad ordered cars, not 2 as we had agreed but 1 taxi for all of us. 2 Bridesmaids, Dad, Mom ME and driver packed in. We passed groom on way as he left a pub. He was late! Photos taken of me, angry bride getting out of packed car whilst snowing. 1 taken. Brother was photographer and realised not a happy bride. Photos of everyone else by Christmas Trees. My groom turned up slightly drunk and said the most amazing thing to me that I was surprised I married him but all I could think was how much everything had cost my parents.
We had to met with Registrars before wedding in a room and were asked about the order of service they provided we said short as we wanted to let guests enjoy the venue. We were asked if they could do a reading. Expecting they meant a religious one we said no thank you. Guess not turned up out of 35, 10 all his work mates 6 of which turned up at 8pm after a 2pm wedding. Expecting to be fed the wedding meal which was finished hours previously so they expected us to pay for an evening meal for them. Answered No chance. £1,000 wasted on there food alone. Anyway the "service" consisted of us answering yes to our names whilst we were seated on a stage with only Registrars bride and groom. No one else allowed all others seated in no order and then the registrar stood up and said the bride and groom did not want a reading but they needed to complete the paperwork so here is a reading of a poem! Don't remember saying yes to that. That was it. We signed a book or 2 and it was over, no option to stop the wedding which I was going to do but to late. I had 2 dresses one a wedding dress and a change for the meal after the service, a black satin dress which was how I felt. I went to change. At which point one of the witnesses decided to do a toast to the bride and groom and I was not in the room, it took me 3 minutes to change dress and shoes. My Dad did not get a chance as the meal was ready. And I was back, The meal was buffet style with all 12 of each option per person it was huge. Everyone looked at me to be seated as there were 3 sets of tables. I said please sit where ever you like. I went to a table and sat down my husband sat next to me on my other side were 2 mutual friends his parents my parents and next to my husband was his mom's friend I had not met who had dementia and called my husband his deceased brothers name for the next hour. At the end of the meal I gave out the tickets for the arcade, having 500 tickets extra, strangely I was left with no tickets left to go on the ride but as it turned out i did not get the chance. Why well, Husband was so drunk, he started a fight with his Dad. It got so bad that I had people telling me to take him home. Angrily I arranged it having had a 2pm wedding which finished with a passed out Husband on the bed at home by 4.15pm 2 and a quarter hours wedding. He proceeded to wake and went to the upstairs toilet but managed to throw up on the carpet midway, yes I could have got it cleaned but why should I. So I cut a huge hole out wrapped it up and put it in the bin, blaming him for cutting the carpet up after puking. Which he believed for many years and still does. We got conned for 6 bottles of champagne instead of 5 which was for 25 adults because my sisters son had a glass and they had to open an extra bottle but he was under age and already told no alcohol. Then whilst opening our presents at home on my own while everyone else was at the wedding with evening entertainment and buffet I had a phone call for the remaining bill to be paid and I had to play chase ringing my Dad at a quiet time to go and pay the remaining balance as he was still there. So I spent the rest of the night on my own. Nice Ho almost forgot the special something my groom said to me as soon as he arrived seeing me dressed up "What the f**k do you look like?" Just as we were called into the registrar meeting.
For background were dated for 5 years lived together for 10 years were married for 19 years 359 days we divorced absolute 6 da6s before 20 years married. Now 5 years divorced so much better.

Thr situation may seem childish but anyways : I met him on a dating app me (29F) him (29M) We talked for 5 months everyday about everydetail in our daily life, it was a long distance relationship. And we said that we like each other. He is an anxious introvert guy and also he is so insecure and a bit avoiding. This 5 months was awesome he became more open to me and was a huge development between us . Finally after 5 months of talking and being sur that we really like each other he invited me for our first date ( for me 5 months was too much but its was OK, the important thing for me was a good development between us ) So after our meeting we were happy..( after the meeting when I told him you are handsome he said no I m not . He always say that about himselfand i try to encourage him .in my eyes he is really good-looking guy ) After 10 days .. we talk in the morning as usual but in the afternoon he desapeared I thought that something bad happened especially he had stress at work so I tried to reach out to but no answer, next day in the morning he sent" I m fine" and he desapeared for the rest of the day , that wasn't normal for me because normally if he has a lot of work or somthing he informs that he may answer late and I do the same , that's was our rythme for 5 months.. So i waited until the evening and I tried to contact him , but no response at midnight I start feeling that he is just ignoring me ..( 1 day and half of no contact and he know that's I will worry about him ) I felt hurt and I sent an angry message saying if he want space he should say it instead of making me worrying about him and I deleted because I felt soo bad ( i feel like I did something immature but doing this but I got emotional because we talk everyday) Ofc no response.. the day after i deleted him he deleted me from Instagram i guess he felt hurt or smth .. but he didn't say anything so after 3 days of no contact I sent a long message expressing myself and I said goodbye.. no answer until now ( 15 day of no contact) Well he is a good guy and I really like him , I feel like I didn't act well but I couldn't accept being ignored I need an explication and I don't want to lose him . The thing is I have no idea why he pulled away.. I don't now if my messages came off to strong ..? Or when deleted him after just one day and half he felt hurt ? Or he's just not interested no more after our meeting ..? I m thinking about reaching out again any hope? I know he is not the type who can initiate first due to his insecurity or I have to move on?

Applied on 4/15 to consolidate Loans (nelnet) and apply for PSLF. Payoff occurred 5/7 with Nelet, new loan disbursed 5/15. Received physical mail from Mohela for new / consolidation loan dated 5/26. Online Mohela still says “due to status of your account, limited information is available.”
How long after the physical mail does it take Mohela to reflect the loan info online? Should I expect to have to re-apply for SAVE or are they getting it included in the consolidation, PSLF app, SAVE app getting submitted all at once?

I '25F' have been married to my husband '27M' for two months now. When we started dating long distance I had a car and he had a work owned vehicle.
After changing jobs he didn't have access to the work vehicle so he had my car during the week to get to and from work (I walked to work, literally across the road from my house) On weekends he'd drive to my home, take me shopping etc and do most of the driving. He hates being driven by others... But it feels like he hates being driven by me because he's comfortable in his friends cars being driven by them.
We recently financed a car. It's in my name because I have a better credit score and I did all the leg work/paperwork etc. He is paying for it fully (monthly payments and insurance)
We got the car on Wednesday, he drove it home after work and I was supposed to be able to take it for a drive but he honestly made me so nervous because I could feel how uneasy he was that I gave up and said I'd drive it another time on my own.
Saturday morning I wanted to drive it but he took it work with him.
Sunday morning I wanted to drive it but he took the keys will him (accidentally, they were on the same set as his house keys) so I grabbed the spare keys and pulled It out of the garage. I'd messaged him to ask if he had the keys so he messaged back to say yes, sorry and not to take the car out because he wanted to show it to the friend he was with and they were on their way back.
Later on Sunday I said I was going to go for a drive, he insisted I couldn't go on my own. So I got in the car with him and pulled out my phone to connect to the Bluetooth (before driving off, not while driving) He got angry, wanted to leave it connected to his phone and was just in a bad mood so I got out of the car and calmly asked him to just put it away. I'm not driving the brand new car for the first time with him while he's pissed off.
He drove off and ignored my messages (he answers work messages while driving but not mine even though I don't like him using his phone in the car)
He went and put in petrol.
I decided to go for a run to calm down, he passed me on his way home and insisted I get in the car.
Eventually in the late afternoon he says, let's go to the shops and you can drive. It was a maybe 5 minute drive, I took it slowly and didn't rush because I wanted to enjoy the car. Someone cut me off on the way (I had to change lanes, it was fine)
He got pretty upset and yelled at them through the window.
He wouldn't let me drive back from the shops. He literally took the keys from me as soon as they were out of the ignition.
I really don't know how to handle this. It feels like we have OUR old car and HIS new car... Not OUR cars.
(I know Reddit likes to jump to big decisions like "leave the man" but I'm very much in love with my husband even if I'm frustrated and angry with him right now)