It is end of sophmore year and took 0 ap classes. what now WHAT NOW Advice I took 0 fresman and sophomore year because I didn't want to mess up unweighted 4.0... I used to be rank 5 I'm class in freshman year now I'm 11 (out of 150). I still have the 4.0 unweighted 4.7 weighed... i have taken extra classes online (2... 1 other in summer) one dual enrollment last semeter and 1 in summer (now) but NO AP . everyone else doing it. Others take multiple ap and dual enrollment and honor classes and I'm just a bum. Next year I signed up for no ap too... I will have 'hard' classes like calculus and physics (teachers don't even teach) but I will be a bum who took no ap class, will graduate late (others get to go early) and on top of thwt I have no friends. I feel so useless and like a bum I just want to vanish ... my teachers tell me to take the clasees/exam (history teacher) but I know I would fail and I am lazy I don't want to do the work and I'm scared... I make the excuse that I use the free time to work on 'hobbies' like self studying, (I had to read 700 page chemistry textbook alone because TEACHER SUCKS!!!), sat/math studying (trying to learn about calculus) or music or video editing or 3d model or trying to learn coding vut I barely do any of it and I suck at it all
What should I do. .. I have extracurricular like a sport and volunteer but I don't think I will get into anywhere... all my peers hate me and I'm an academic failure. Please help me

Long post alert: I matched with someone on a dating app last month who is from another country but lives in mine currently for 3-4 years. He knows about my culture very well. We have a lot of things in common. His work is soccer related and I'm a huge fan of the sport. Both of us love gaming. Both of us have a lot of similar interests and are sapiosexuals. He lives in another city and comes to mine sometimes. We spoke for a month before I decided to visit him. I intuitively felt it was safe to stay with him and that he's a good man. This weekend, I went there and we had an amazing time. We both are shy people but together it felt like we knew each other for years. We couldn't keep our hands off each other the evening we met. Sx was great and he appreciated me the way I was, flaws and everything. We cuddled, kissed, talked about life, work, did and said silly things and what not. I could be myself with him. I felt extremely safe with him. The way he looked at me and smiled, especially when I was in his arms, was magical. I definitely saw something for me in his eyes. 50-51 hours felt like everything was perfect. On my last day there, we cuddled and watched a documentary before dinner that I had cooked for him (I hate cooking) and he liked it too. He can't eat spicy so I made it less spicy. We were having dinner and talking about the spicy things he doesn't like to eat in my country. One of them is my absolute favourite thing so I just said it depends where you eat it because I make it less spicy at home. Suddenly, he started getting annoyed, raised his voice and said things like I am not even trying to look through his perspective and when I tried to defend myself, he asked me to stop interrupting him all the time (could be because I was leaving and he was feeling something. I don't know). I controlled my tears as I was getting angry and finished my dinner silently. He ordered ice cream for us but after that I went completely silent. I picked up plates, cleaned up everything, packed my bags as I was leaving early next day and went in the balcony to calm myself down. I went to his room to get something I had left there and he asked 'everything okay honey?' and I just replied hmm and left. We didn't talk after that because he fell asleep while I was trying to calm down. None of us ate the ice cream. Later I went to his room, turned off his TV, hugged him and slept besides him. He held my hand and slept. Next morning he had to leave for work too so we were going to leave together. We didn't speak a word except when he asked if I'd have coffee. We didn't hug or kiss like we did on other mornings. When we left and went downstairs, his cab was there and then we hugged. He only asked me to let him know when I get in the bus. When I got in the bus, I messaged him 'In the bus. Thanks for everything'. He replied 'Take care 😘' I reminded him a few things like to eat the leftover dinner, use up things I had opened to make it, etc. And then I apologised for not talking to him that night and explained that I didn't want to hurt him because I'd have said terrible things if I had opened my mouth. He replied 'No problem *****' 'It was nice to see you' I replied same here. Then he said 'Take care of yourself ☺️☺️' after which I asked him if we'd meet again because the way we left things didn't feel right and also thanked him for making me the happiest I was in years. He just replied 'Let's see how things are going'. It is also important to mention that he's moving to another country soon in June or July (doesn't know where yet) but now he knows I can move too. I didn't reply after that because I didn't know what to say. No honey, baby or anything. I cried the entire way home. He just liked my cat's picture I uploaded on Instagram story after I reached home because he knew I was missing her. There hasn't been any communication after that (yesterday) although he had mentioned before that it's a busy week for him. I can't stop thinking about him, his face, his eyes, his smell and his smile. And another weird thing: he has these muscle jerks in his sleep and now I have them too somehow. My brother told me this.
Now that you know what is happening, I need something to fix our relationship. I really thought it could be a long-term thing for us because we were perfect together. I'm ready to move wherever he's going as my work is flexible. Things suddenly became weird after that dinner. I tried to communicate yesterday but after those replies, he felt disconnected. I want us to work but I want him to approach because I've done my part. I just know it wasn't just a hookup for us because none of us are into it. His birthday is this week and I wanted to send something handmade (which he really needs in his house) and write a letter to him. Is that a good idea? I'm relatively a baby witch and started 4 months ago. Is there a specific spell or something that would help me? At the moment, I only have some crystals, a small altar for aphrodite, coloured candles, bayleaves and some other spices. Any help and advice is appreciated.
Thank you for reading!

We recently had a guest who had a major mental health thing happen.
It ended up with a police standoff after he threatened neighbors and barricaded himself in the unit.
Walking into space was creepy. He had arranged furniture into piles, covered paintings with trash bags, and had clearly been in there drinking nonstop for several days.
His personal property was also still there, which became a nightmare for us to deal with. Unfortunately Airbnb was not helpful at all during the 6 hours this was going on. The fact that he had an ongoing reservation and legal use of the space greatly complicated matters.
A day later Airbnb ended up pulling his account down and wiping the chat history and sort of pretending the reservation did not happen.
No idea who decided that was appropriate, but I have a feeling some supervisor finally saw what had happened ( his unhinged messages, our pleas for them to cancel the reservation, photos of the police swat team surrounding the building, our request for guidance on what to do with his phone / wallet / keys/ luggage ) and decided that was badly handled and it was best to just go away.
My advice is to screenshot guest info and anything that goes sideways on the platform. We ended up having our license pulled by the city for the unit after pretty much the entire street complained and we had zero proof that we were trying to resolve this in many ways.

Part 14.3

Heracles VS Lernaean Hydra

Author Note: I was thinking about it and I really wish that GT9 used more draconic symbolism throughout the story when (or if) I revisit Team Crowley VS Rosencreutz I'll have symbolism of Aleister (TheBeast666), Aiwass (Codename: DRAGON) and Coronzon (The Dragon of the Abyss) all have symbology of them being Dragons preying on a God/Hero like CRC and the reversed conflict of Chaos VS Order you see in mythology, I also wanted to achieve something similar with Kakine Teitoku as he can represent the Fallen Angel and the Seraphim but for now I'll try adding draconian symbolism into Gunha VS CRC.
True Expert Christian Rosencreutz, with his golden rosy cross sword, clashed relentlessly against the indomitable force of the Strongest Gemstone, Sogiita Gunha. With each clash of their powers, the air crackled and compressed, and the pavement trembled beneath.
CRC, observed Sogiita with a mixture of intrigue and disdain. "You fight like the legendary Heracles," he remarked, his voice carrying over the din of battle. "But know this, I am the Lernaean Hydra, and no matter how many heads you sever, I shall always rise again!" Rosencreutz roared to slice the #7’s midsection.
Sogiita, his entire body wreathed in unknowable energy, met CRC's blade unyielding. "Bring it on, old man!" he retorted, his voice brimming with confidence. "I'll knock you down as many times as it takes! I won't stop till you come to your senses and remember your roots, like the roses you love so much, Rosencreutz!!"
Their clash intensified, that old man’s higher dimensional sword colliding with the raw power of that boy’s fists and kicks as they pushed each other to their limits with each sword swing, punch, kick and flash.
Sogiita unleashed a barrage of punches, each strike carrying the force of a meteor, while that silver young man countered: he wielded his sword in his right hand and released impacts followed by white light that was enough to previously take down all of The Bridge Builders Cabal.
As the battle raged on, the very fabric of reality seemed to warp and shift around them, bearing witness to the titanic struggle between two unparalleled forces.
The founder of Rosicrucianism who intimidated reality itself to obey his will and that Gemstone with an unstable personal reality that could change on a whim.
The atmosphere crackled with electrifying distortion.
Sogiita's fists tore through the air with the ferocity of meteors, their velocity enhanced by his ability to adapt and accelerate, surpassing even CRC's speed. As each blow was released, the friction with the surrounding air molecules ignited a scorching heat, intensifying the impact.
The rapid movement of molecules generated an escalating thermal energy, causing the air to seethe with increasing temperature. It was akin to a tempest of incandescent projectiles hurtling towards CRC, their speed surpassing the limits of human perception.
It was like a storm of brilliant fiery arrows was fired at Rosencreutz.
These blazing arrows of force were reminiscent of the elusive strikes employed by the Rose & Cross Leader, ignoring distance with deceptive agility.
With each thunderous punch, that bandana boy sought to overpower his adversary through sheer kinetic force, his unwavering resolve palpable in every motion.
But that wasn't enough for this superhuman.
CRC, wielding his cross sword with precision and skill, deflected each and every one Sogiita's flaming arrows with calculated strikes of his own. Each impact unleashed a burst of blinding white light, sending shockwaves rippling through the chaotic city.
"You think brute strength alone will defeat me?" the silver man taunted, his voice cutting through the chaos of battle. "You may be strong, but strength without strategy is nothing but raw power wasted."
Sogiita grinned, his confidence unshaken. "Strategies for cowards who can't handle a real fight," he retorted, his voice ringing with defiance. "I'll K.O. you with my fists and guts alone!!!!"
Rosencreutz's eyes narrowed as he parried another of Sogiita's punches. "Your arrogance will be your downfall," he warned, his tone tinged with certainty. "I may not match your overall speed, but I have something you lack: intellect and precision.”
Christian Rosencreutz then plunged his cross sword into the ground.
"This is what harmed Kamijou Touma," he declared, grinning and unleashing a torrent of lethal invisible attacks from his outstretched palms.
However, the #7 countered with a relentless barrage of flaming arrows from the thermal aftershock of his punches.
Each strike akin to a particle accelerator in its intensity and speed. That Gemstone was the particles being fired on the right and that True Expert was the particles fired on the left.
As the attacks clashed, the battlefield became a spectacle of raw power and precision.
“Roar!” CRC held his open palm to his mouth and blew gently on the tip of the middle finger.
That was all it took for a blaze easily outdoing a flamethrower to rush out. And this was not just any fire. It fed on the power of a ley line and stole vitality from space itself. This overwhelming mass of light and heat was wielded for no other purpose than to take lives. Anyone who tried to survive it using simple composite armor or special fibers would dry up and burn away in less than a second.
But that wouldn't kill another superhuman would it?
Of course not.
“Aaaaarghhhh!!!!” screamed the #7.
Some assaults bypassed the fray entirely, slipping through the chaos like elusive particles in a collider.
A smokescreen.
Those brilliant fireworks from hell weren't meant to take Sogiita’s life. They were meant to disrupt the Gemstone's senses and sight so he couldn't counter all of that old man’s deadly attacks.
Invisible strikes found their mark on that Gemstone, and the searing arrows of the arrows scorched Rosencreutz.
CRC was wounded but he rejected to make any whimpers. Instead with a sudden burst of velocity, the young silver man picked up his cross sword from the ground and launched a flurry of strikes, cutting at the #7’s body with pinpoint accuracy.
His arms, his head, his face, his stomach, his legs, his midsection, his back.
Each blow landed with devastating force, causing Sogiita to stagger back under the onslaught.
If that bandana boy hadn't had his defenses and general stats raised by the #5 he’d be cut to pieces.
The #7 fell on his back.
"There's a fire," Sogiita declared, his voice ringing out amidst the chaos of battle.
With each attempt to break his spirit, Sogiita's resolve only grew stronger, fueling the flames of his determination. "Every time someone tries to make me give up, it's like wind feeding my flames, making them burn even brighter just like my punches," he explained, his words carrying the weight of his unwavering determination.
He refused to stay down.
With a roar of defiance, Sogiita surged forward once more, his movements blurring with speed as he disappeared from view. In the blink of an eye, he reappeared behind Christian Rosencreutz, catching the magician off guard.
"Hey, old man," Sogiita taunted, his voice filled with confidence as he seized Rosencreutz from behind.
Christian Rosencreutz's eyes widened in surprise as he realized he had been outmaneuvered.
As Sogiita Gunha faced off against Christian Rosencreutz in their airborne duel, he felt the flames of determination burning within him, driving him forward with unstoppable force.
Before he could react, the boy lifted him effortlessly and slammed him onto the pavement below with a resounding thud.
"I'm not just a kick-boxer!!" Sogiita sang.
As the impact reverberated through the air, the young silver man let out a pained cry. The force of the collision compressed the surrounding air, heating it up until it crackled with energy. Christian Rosencreutz's head struck the ground with a velocity equivalent to mach 20, igniting his body in flames upon impact.
This move is called a suplex.
Struggling to regain his bearings, Rosencreutz muttered in a daze, "The House of the Holy Spirit...the seven walls..."
"You said it yourself, didn't you?" the gutsy boy retorted, cocky. "My power and my guts can break through your impenetrable walls. And I can spread those same guts to the world around me."
With a grimace, Christian Rosencreutz acknowledged the truth of the boy's words. "Your uncontrolled AIM field grants you the ability to imbue non-organic objects with the properties of your virus," he observed, his voice tinged with begrudging admiration. "Allowing them to bypass even the defenses of the seven-walled tomb.”
"A virus? Don't be so gutless, CRC," the #7 retorted, his voice filled with defiance. "This battleground ruled by wills is a two-way road between you and me."
Christian Rosencreutz raised an eyebrow at the boy's words. "Hey Gemstone, you could've killed me if I weren't a superhuman with an idealized body that accomplished The Great Work and crossed the Ungrund, what then short-stack?" he questioned while fitting an insult against his height.
Even without the seven-walled tomb or sheets of diamonds Rosencreutz was cartoonishly durable.
"Sorry, old man," Sogiita replied, his tone tinged with annoyance. "I might've gotten carried away, but I know it'll take more than that to kill you. No matter how many heads you regrow, like Hydra, I will not give up until I've completed all my labors."
"Mhm, so you do know your mythology," CRC remarked, a hint of amusement in his voice. "The Lernaean Hydra, or simply Hydra, is a serpentine lake monster in Greek and Roman mythology. Its lair was the lake of Lerna in the Argolid, known as an entrance to the Underworld. In the canonical myth, the monster is slain by Heracles as part of his Twelve Labors."
"Yeah, I know," Sogiita replied confidently. "I studied the tales of great gutsy heroes in school.”
"So, short-stack," Christian Rosencreutz began, his voice carrying a hint of scholarly interest. “Have you ever considered the parallels between our battle and ancient Near Eastern religions?”
Sogiita listened intently. "Are you saying you see yourself as a god of war or a hunter?" he inquired.
CRC chuckled softly. "In a sense, indeed. We are both assuming roles in this grand theater, are we not? I, the Hydra, and you, Heracles."
He continued, "Consider the Second Labor of Heracles. Eurystheus, the king of Tiryns, sent Heracles to slay the Hydra, which Hera had raised specifically to defeat him. Heracles approached the swamp near Lake Lerna, where the Hydra dwelled. To protect himself from the poisonous fumes, he covered his mouth and nose with a cloth and shot flaming arrows into the Hydra's lair, causing it to emerge and terrorize the surrounding villages."
CRC paused, drawing a comparison. “In our own clash, the flaming arrows that Heracles hurled at the Hydra find their echo in your lightning-fast fists, generating shockwaves that ignite the air with their speed and force. It's as though each strike of yours is akin to shooting a flaming arrow, much like Heracles did.”
“Huh? Are you suggesting we're caught in a time loop? That some enigmatic group, like the Bridge Builders Cabal, manipulated events to resurrect you, pitting us against each other in a timeless struggle? I've never met them, and I'm certainly no child of Zeus. Are you implying that our battle will be distorted into a Greek legend by a meddling time traveler?!” frantically asked the boy.
“No, no, you simpleton. This world contains synchronicities. In Sumerian, Babylonian, and Assyrian mythology, the war and hunting god Ninurta was celebrated for his deeds. The Angim credited him with slaying eleven monsters during an expedition to the mountains, including a seven-headed serpent, possibly identical to the Mushmahhu, and Bashmu, whose constellation was later associated with the Hydra by the Greeks. In Babylonian contexts, the Hydra's constellation is also linked to Marduk's dragon, the Mushhushshu.”
“Uhhh….” That shounen boy was dumbfounded.
"Hhm, I suppose calling it a time loop isn't technically wrong," Christian Rosencreutz began, his tone measured. "I'll break it down from history class and reconstruct it through the lens of the occult. Historic recurrence, young Gemstone, is the phenomenon of events echoing throughout time. Whether it's the rise and fall of empires or the repetitive cycles within a single society, it's all part of this grand plan that was decided when Adam ate the forbidden fruit."
The #7 with his guard up but curious listened: "So, history just keeps repeating itself? Just a series of coincidences?"
Christian Rosencreutz shook his head sagely. "There is no such thing as coincidences. Take, for instance, the Doctrine of Eternal Recurrence, pondered upon by thinkers like Heinrich Heine and Friedrich Nietzsche. While it's said that 'history repeats itself,' it's not quite that simple. Rather, these recurrences stem from identifiable circumstances and chains of causality."
He continued, his voice carrying the weight of centuries of philosophical debate. "Consider the phenomenon of multiple independent discoveries in science or the reproducible findings in natural and social sciences. These recurrences, whether in the form of rigorous experimentation or comparative research, are vital to our understanding of the world."
Christian Rosencreutz paused, allowing the weight of his words to sink in. "G.W. Trompf, in his seminal work, The Idea of Historical Recurrence in Western Thought, illustrates the recurring patterns of political thought and behavior since ancient times. Through these patterns, history offers us invaluable lessons, often leading to a sense of resonance or déjà vu."
Their words reverberated like a challenge to destiny itself, a testament to their unyielding determination in the face of adversity.
That Gemstone didn't surrender his characteristic fervor. "History echoing through time, huh? It's like the universe itself is stuck on repeat, and we're just caught in the cycle. But you know what? If history's gonna keep looping, then let's break the pattern! Let's smash through those chains of causality and forge our own path. Who cares about déjà vu? We'll create something entirely new, something that'll shake the very foundations of this world and we’ll do it with guts!!!" He defied that silver monster.
But Rosencreutz wasn't finished. He pulled out his Crystal World Map.
The supposedly old man listened intently to that boy's impassioned response, his expression inscrutable behind his clairvoyant card. After a moment of contemplation, he spoke.
“Gemstone, you speak of breaking free from the chains of repetition, of forging a new destiny against the backdrop of eternal return. It is a noble aspiration, indeed. However, consider this: eternal return is not merely a philosophical concept or a whimsical notion of fate. It is the very fabric of existence, woven into the nature of time itself.” He pressed his finger on the Miniature Garden and a 3D holographic projection flew out—
“In ancient times, the Stoics grappled with the idea, seeing in it both a sense of cosmic order and a challenge to individual agency. Augustine and others recoiled from its implications, fearing it as a negation of free will and salvation. And yet, Nietzsche, in his brilliance, dared to confront the concept anew, exploring its depths in the crucible of human consciousness.”
Didn't Aleister Crowley say that he had to shatter every single phase in order to eliminate the concept of fate?
“I will shatter every last phase and put an end to all mysticism. It can be helped and we need not restrain our tears and bite our lip when faced with tragedy. I will bring back the pure world in which everyone can feel anger like normal and question it all like normal!!”
And didn't Coronzon appear to break down all the phases including the Pure World?
Partial destruction would be meaningless. If anything remains and an eternal distortion is born from that, then it will all happen again. I will eliminate the ten spheres, the twenty-two pathways, and the hidden eleventh symbol. Collisions between phases? Sparks and spray? You cannot save anyone if you only treat those symptoms. All of the fundamental clogs must be removed. All so we can pass the baton to whoever comes next.”
“Sparks and Sprays…” Rosencreutz muttered.
“Eh?” The #7 didn't quite hear him.
"Beside time stands fate, cruelty's steadfast herald. In the silent chambers of the soul, whispers the most profound wisdom. Humanity, in its folly, neglected to exalt life's splendor, its radiance, its grandeur. Truly, it is a rare gift to comprehend the forces that shape our existence.” That magician spoke in despair.
“From the moment man ate the fruit of knowledge, he guaranteed your species’ failure... Entrusting his future to the whims of fate, man clutches to a flickering hope. Yet, within the Miniature Garden lies the key to all revelation. Beyond the well-trodden path lies the ultimate terminus. It matters not who you are; Death is the sole certainty awaiting all.” he finished with scorn.
Shokuhou Misaki was currently linked to Sogiita Gunha so was overhearing the entire conversation.
“Are you okay, Leader?” asked Kamijou back at the hospital.
“Yeah…” she responded.
“Really?” Mikoto breathed a white sigh. “It wasn’t the shock of seeing their school destroyed. Nor was it the fear of having those rioters attack. …They’re afraid of their own power. And after learning how exactly to use that power to survive, they’re not sure they can just switch it off and return to their normal lives. So their gears have ground to a halt.” Tokiwadai Middle School was a prestigious esper development school.
The young ladies registered there were Level 3 at the lowest and Level 5 at the highest.
Almost all of the students had a power that surpassed that of a blade or handgun if used properly, but something had become twisted.
Yes.
“A lot of them weren’t really sure why they were training their powers.”
Shokuhou breathed a white breath, wrapped her own arms around herself, and rubbed her thighs together.
Why are you studying?
How many people could give a proper answer to that question? Because my parents told me to, because my teachers taught me to, because that’s how the world works. Those would be most people’s answers. Even the students with a clear vision of their future would only have something vague like “for the entrance exams” or “for my future”.
Only a small handful would have specific puzzle pieces in mind, such as “I need to learn how to use this equation so I can build a rocket”.
The young ladies of Tokiwadai Middle School were the same.
What if the very gears that humans have…their actions, reactions, inactions were all the result of some transcendental entity hovering above.
Like God or The Devil watching over humanity’s reality sphere and ordering around his system like everyone was a pre-programmed NPC that had specific events occur to them to get them to develop in the way that they did and determined their genetic bloodline that composed their psyche?
Is there truly a free will?
It was said that in order for you to break out of the system of society that the working class was stuck in you had to climb to the top where the corrupt elites resided.
Imagine Breaker negated sparks, Aleister Crowley could see through the veil thanks to Holy Guardian Angel Aiwass, Great Demon Coronzon could always see the cogs.
Christian Rosencreutz could view the entire world through his Miniature Garden.
The rest of humanity was at the mercy of their own destinies.
A Guardian Angel wouldn't arrive to save a parent’s child from fate every single time.
"Okay, nice poetry, can we get back to fighting already?" asked the #7 impatiently.
"Seems I got carried away," the old man conceded with a nod. "The synchronicities of this world, akin to the astral configurations in astrology, serve as an example of synchronicity, according to Jung. It describes circumstances that appear meaningfully related yet lack a causal connection, much like the parallel relationship between celestial and terrestrial phenomena. Synchronicity experiences entail subjective encounters where coincidences between events in one's mind and the external world may lack a clear causal link but still harbor an unknown connection.”
"Ah," Sogiita chimed in, recalling his philosophy class discussions. "We talked about synchronicity back then. Jung thought it was a good thing for the mind, but said it could get dicey in psychosis. He cooked up this theory as a kind of mental link between those meaningful coincidences, calling it a noncausal principle. This term came about in the late 1920s, and then he teamed up with physicist Wolfgang Pauli to dive deeper. Their work, The Interpretation of Nature and the Psyche, dropped in 1952. They were big on this idea that these connections, even the ones that don't seem to have a cause, could still teach us a lot about how our minds and the world work."
“Mhm, you know more than you lead on, Gemstone.” pondered CRC.
“Oh this? My teachers say I'm not good at remembering speeches hahaha…” The #7 looked slightly nervous. “You know, analytical psychologists really push for folks to get what these experiences mean to boost their awareness instead of just feeding into superstitions. But funny thing is, when clients spill about their synchronicity experiences, they often feel like no one's really hearing them out, or getting where they're coming from. And hey, having a bunch of these meaningful coincidences flying around can sometimes ring the schizo bell. Delusions aren't healthy.”
Where was this conversation going?
"Delusion! Hah! That's a good one coming from you," CRC fired back.
"The real delusion is thinking humanity isn't worth a damn," Sogiita shot back, pulling out some info from Johansen and Osman. "Some scientists think coincidences are just random flukes, but counselors and psychoanalysts reckon there's more to it, like some deep-down stuff needing to come out.”
"Delusion! Hah! That's a good one coming from you," CRC fired back.
"The real delusion is thinking humanity isn't worth a darn," Sogiita shot back, pulling out some info from Johansen and Osman. "Some scientists think coincidences are just random flukes, but counselors and psychoanalysts reckon there's more to it, like some deep-down stuff needing to come out. Unconscious material to be expressed."
Rosencreutz interjected, his expression reflecting a mix of confusion and concern. "Aleister Crowley's actions have left a lasting scar on this world and this city," he began, his voice weighted with solemnity. “The vacuum-like dichotomy between magic and science created by the use of that colossal psychotronic weapon, has damaged this world's memory irreparably.”
Psychotronic weapon?
The Archetype Controller?
He paused, his gaze piercing as he continued, "Jung's exploration of synchronicity as evidence of the paranormal paved the way for further inquiry, notably by Koestler and the subsequent embrace of these ideas by the New Age movement.”
Sogiita shrugged, "Some folks say synchronicity is impossible to test or prove, so it gets labeled as pseudoscience. Jung even acknowledged that these synchronicity events are basically just coincidences, statistically speaking. But hey, who's to say what's really going on without some solid scientific studies, right?"
"Dubious as his experiments may have been," CRC interrupted, "Jung believed in a connection between synchronicity and the paranormal, drawing parallels to the uncertainty principle and works by parapsychologist Joseph B. Rhine.” CRC posed a thought-provoking question, "How are we to recognize acausal combinations of events, since it is obviously impossible to examine all chance happenings for their causality? The answer lies in the fact that acausal events are most readily expected where a causal connection appears inconceivable upon closer reflection. It's impossible, with our current resources, to explain ESP or meaningful coincidences as mere phenomena of energy. This challenges the very notion of cause and effect, as these events occur simultaneously rather than in a linear cause-and-effect manner. Hence, I have coined the term 'synchronicity' to describe this phenomenon, placing it on equal footing with causality as a principle of explanation."
Getting closer to that Gemstone, CRC emphasized, "Esper abilities cannot be fully understood with science alone. They defy traditional cause-and-effect explanations, instead representing a convergence of factors that create a quantum phenomenon affecting both the micro and macro. Why were there the naturally gifted and the naturally ungifted?”
Why did some students get praised for their abilities while others needed to work harder?
Others among them would have worked every hour of their free time and not progressed anywhere in this city’s leveling curriculum.
Why did this city present such an unfair and unpredictable status quo of potential?
Why did hard work barely matter in a city of empirical evidence to record any possible progress?
Sogiita Gunha wasn't a normal Level 5 but he wasn't always this powerful. He went through the curriculum same as everyone but if the outside conditions for his Gemstone ability to manifest didn't form in the exact way that it did, in such an acausal form then would he even be here to challenge Christian Rosencreutz right now?
Everything just happened to fall right into place.
All those puzzle pieces that would lead to this moment here and now.
Was it all just talent? God picking a fool as his champion?
The #7 leaned back, absorbing CRC's words with a thoughtful expression. "So, what you're saying is, there's this whole other layer to reality that we can't quite wrap our heads around," he summarized, nodding slowly. "I mean, it's like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands—slippery and elusive."
He chuckled, shaking his head slightly. "Historic recurrence, synchronicities, all these things—they're like pieces of a puzzle scattered across this substantial reality. And sometimes, they just... click into place, right? It's like the universe has its own plan, and we're just along for the ride."
That bandana wearing boy's gaze drifted, lost in thought. "You know, CRC, it's funny," he remarked, a wry smile playing on his lips. "Here we are, with all our powers and potential, but at the end of the day, we're still grappling with the same questions as everyone else. Talent, destiny, divine intervention—maybe they're all just different sides of the same coin."
He shrugged, the weight of the philosophical musings settling over the broken city. "Who knows? Maybe God does have a sense of humor, after all.” that boy chuckled.
There was a deep silence between them.
Rosencreutz’ response was swift and resolute, his tone filled with certainty. "All this ‘universe has a plan’ banter is just a distraction from the inevitable," he declared, his eyes narrowing. "We can debate the nature of us being all-powerful yet struggling with mortal issues until the sun burns out, but it won't change the fact that our fate was sealed upon the knowledge Adam learned."
“To think so many trivialities have developed while this old man wasn’t watching. Heh heh. Then I should assume the thread of fate has again begun to weave its strange connections between myself and some unknown human.”
He rose forward, his movements purposeful. "It's time to put an end to this dance of platitudes," CRC continued, his voice cold and unwavering. "We'll settle this the only way that somewhat matters—through objective action in this grand play."
“Silence, preserved doll. Illusionists are meant to remain silent. That is all we magicians are: wielders of substanceless illusions. Opening your mouth serves only to break the illusion.”
With a flicker of resolve in his eyes, he locked gazes with the #7. "I am Hydra, Gemstone," he said, his voice carrying a hint of challenge. "Our battle ends now.” CRC opened both his palms and began shooting at their surroundings, the buildings, the pavement, the apartments, the rubble.
It probably wasn't random as it seemed to create a pattern.
“Huh are you getting senile old man?” asked the young Gemstone.
“What fun. I never imagined someone would bother diligently polishing their skills this far while knowing it is all essentially an illusion. Didn’t you ever feel silly going to the effort?”
Rosencreutz dropped to all fours, his rosy cross sword gripped tightly in his right hand.
He moved—
“Arrgh!” Sogiita yelled amidst the relentless and precise and precise strikes from that golden cross. “Old man?” he asked.
That magician didn't say anything.
That silver man’s movements became more beastly.
Faster.
Stronger.
Fiercer.
Something new was beginning to manifest.
With each strike of his higher dimensional blade that old man’s blows seemed infused with an otherworldly energy.
The wounds inflicted by his weapon burned with a venomous intensity, sending searing pain coursing through Sogiita's body.
That boy grimaced as the poison from that silver man’s strikes surged through his being, each wound feeling like it was ablaze with venomous fire.
"Damn... That burns…like a killer hornet’s sting," he muttered through clenched teeth, his voice strained with effort. Gritting, he fought to maintain his focus, despite the agony threatening to overwhelm him.
Was this another application of The Four Stages? Citrinitas? No, there was nothing yellow here, it was more like a dirty purple.
But it wasn't just the physical damage that posed a threat.
As the Rosy Cross leader leaped on all fours his movements took on an almost erratic quality, he was bouncing from one building to another with an animalistic agility.
With each jump, a shockwave rippled through the air, carrying with it a palpable sense of dread.
Something was spreading.
The air around them seemed to thicken with a toxic miasma. The #7 struggled to breathe, the noxious fumes clouding his senses.
Like a chaotic monster’s venomous poison breath.
The once-clear air now felt thick and suffocating.
Gasping for breath, the bandana boy struggled to maintain his focus amidst the swirling chaos.
His vision blurred, his movements sluggish as he fought against the oppressive atmosphere.
Blinded that heroic boy could only fire a flame arrow without his sight.
His fists striking out with all the strength he could muster. Igniting in that poisonous compressed air.
It seemed to be flammable like a dragon’s breath.
???
At the hospital, Shokuhou's voice carried a mix of surprise and relief. “He caused real damage.” she exclaimed.
Kamijou turned his attention to her, intrigued. “What happened?”
“It's hard to see clearly, but it looks like the #7 managed to rip off CRC's left arm,” she explained. “Though, I'd say it was more of a lucky shot. I can read he acted on pure instinct.”
Kamijou nodded, a hint of melancholy in his tone. “Yeah... the psychic link and all.”
Had the #7 Level 5 given up on the old man?
Back on the battlefield, Sogiita cursed under his breath. “Dammit... Sorry, old man,” he muttered. “I was aiming to hit your whole body to maximize the surface area, maybe break a few bones as a casualty. We can probably get your arm reattached at the hospital. Heaven Canceller has enough guts to even fix me.”
It was clear—he hadn't given up.
It was an accidental strike of his arm.
“As each ghastly head was severed from its serpentine form, dreadfully, two more writhed forth from the abyss.” a cryptic voice amidst the chaos spoke.
Wasn't it said that the Hydra’s lair was the lake of Lerna in the Argolid.
Lerna was reputed to be an entrance to the Underworld.
The abyss.
The Ungrund.
There is no limit to the depth of the Alcyonian Lake, and I know of nobody who by any contrivance has been able to reach the bottom of it since not even Nero, who had ropes made several stades long and fastened them together, tying lead to them, and omitting nothing that might help his experiment, was able to discover any limit to its depth. This, too, I heard. The water of the lake is, to all appearance, calm and quiet but, although it is such to look at, every swimmer who ventures to cross it is dragged down, sucked into the depths, and swept away.
The keeper of the gate to the Underworld that lay in the waters of Lerna was the Hydra.
The serpentine Lake Monster.
“Rosencreutz……?” The #7 muttered.
That magician chuckled ominously. "Indeed, young Heracles," he intoned, his voice echoing with a bizarre resonance. “The Lernaean Hydra's curse is upon you now.” as he said that he ripped off a bit of his arm that was cuterarised and it began bleeding.
Anna Sprengel’s blood was said to create unknown miracles when spilled.
Christian Rosencreutz’ blood was so virulent that even its scent was deadly.
As Sogiita Gunha glanced at his severed arm lying on the ground, a creeping sense of horror enveloped him. "All fate is a curse and that curse," he murmured, his words barely audible over the din of battle, "extends even to my severed limb.”
Christian Rosencreutz’ left arm grew back.
No.
Two new arms grew in its place.
The arm was fully functioning with no defects.
Although one of the arms appeared somewhat scaly and lanky like a serpent.
It had human anatomy but something was abnormal here.
He almost looked like a spider as he emerged from the poisonous fog as he remained on all fours.
“So short-stack. Are you ready to complete your final labor: Crossing the abyss!!!” He challenged that boy with his cross sword facing him.
"Boss, what's up? You look kinda stuck," Kamijou asked, his tone concerned.
Two students were sitting together in the waiting room at a hospital.
"—abyss, Hydra, curse, synchronicities, Historic recurrence." she replied, her words carrying a weight of unease.
"Huh? What? Can you give me the lowdown?" Kamijou prodded, his urgency evident.
"Can't quite wrap my head around it. But what I can tell you is that after CRC started talking about these esoteric concepts, he leveled up his power ability, managed to seriously hurt the #7 despite me cranking up all his stats for the win condition," the honey-blonde girl explained, frustration creeping into her voice.
"Can you beam all that stuff into my head, like a memory download? You're a psychological esper, right? My right hand won't mess with it, and we've done the telepathy thing before," Kamijou suggested.
"Memory download's not quite it, but I can send you a recording," she clarified.
"Got it," Kamijou muttered as he absorbed the info.
"You got any ideas to help the #7’s situation ability, Kamijou-san? We're kinda desperate here," she asked.
"I wish Index was still here, dammit.” he lamented, “But you know about magic, right?" he queried.
"Yeah, people converting their delusions into reality right?," she admitted.
"Well, magic's not just about delusions; it can be tied up to the whole world. Not sure if it's relevant, but based on Idol Theory, Rosencreutz might be pulling in 'energy’ from the Greek 'phase’ of Heracles for an edge," Kamijou theorized.
"Like a chessboard flip?" Shokuhou Misaki inquired, her brow furrowed with concern.
"No, more like... imagine you're playing checkers with a buddy, and you're totally crushing it because you're a checkers pro. Then suddenly, your buddy switches it up and challenges you to an arm wrestling match, and you lose because, well, arm wrestling isn't your forte," Kamijou Touma explained, trying to paint a vivid picture.
"So, by taking on the role of the Hydra from Greek myth, he's essentially forcing the #7 into the role of Heracles? But didn't Heracles defeat the Hydra?" Shokuhou sought clarification.
"Yeah, but..." Kamijou recalled the tale from the movies he'd seen. "Lichas gave Heracles a shirt soaked in the Hydra's poisonous blood from his arrows, which ends up killing him by tearing his flesh down to the bone," he elaborated.
"It was actually Nessus seeking vengeance and tricking Deianira into giving it to Heracles as a gift, delivered by Lichas without disclosing the tunic's lethal bloodstained secret from the Lernaean Hydra, but you're right," Shokuhou corrected gently. "So, Rosencreutz is harnessing the power of that legend to slowly poison the #7 to death?"
"Not literal. I mean the poison is real but his slashes do significant harm now so it's more like shifting the paradigm in his favor shifting his position.” The spiky-haired boy wasn't in the mood to explain Phases, “Earlier, he mentioned Sogiita spreading his 'virus' throughout the world. A virus isn't a poison in the traditional sense, but the Rosicrucians originally sought to create a universal cure for all illnesses. Now, CRC is spreading a literal poison, positioning himself as the ultimate predator and his opponents as prey rather than his savior role, the paradigm has been shifted." Kamijou concluded, his voice tinged with gravity.
“So he’s changed the environment to get the win condition? The #7’s durability doesn't matter in the face of the world being forced to go about a certain way because of Rosencreutz stage play?” The girl asked.
“Yeah…if things keep going this way…Sogiita will….goddamnit….” The spiky haired boy swore. “I can't let someone else die after all that's happened but I feel like if I go out there I really will kill him…” he muttered that last bit while clenching his right fist that began shaking uncontrollably.
The girl’s eyes seemed confused. “What did you say?” The honey blonde middle schooler asked.
“Nothing, just mumbling to myself.” he spat out.
That boy and girl could never come to the right conclusion on their own without the aid of former Magic God Othinus by their side.
“Did you think I had challenged you with no hope of succeeding, you cesspool? The magic born on earth is bound by the directions based on the earth’s magnetic field and by the density and composition of the air which is determined by air pressure which is in turn influenced by gravity. That is inevitable when you are focused on the cardinal directions of north, south, east, and west or on the basic elements of fire, water, wind, and earth. But what you will find upon leaving the atmosphere is an unknown. Coronzon, are you sure there will be no malfunction in the magic giving you control of Avatar Lola? And before, my power was bound by the puny speck named earth which failed to become a black hole or even a sun, but once we enter outer space, just how far do you think that power will be released? I do not mind at all that I will lose the support of Academy City.”
Well the boy was half right.
“Let us test it out, you cuspidor. On one side, we have you using the planet and bound to an avatar. On the other, we have me exposed and freed from the planet. Now, who will be the star of this show?”
Christian Rosencreutz did not shoot at his surroundings for no reason.
The battlefield transformed into Rosencreutz's canvas, resembling the legendary battleground of Lerna where Heracles once clashed with the Hydra.
Yes.
He didn't unleash his powers randomly; every action was deliberate.
In the magical side of Idol Theory, mimicking an object, event, or person allowed one to tap into a fraction of its power.
And that even applied to locations that essentially worked as stage plays.
Idol Theory was so absolute that even the basic cross held a portion of the son of God’s power.
As Above, So Below.
As Below, So Above.
Macro to micro.
Micro to macro.
And the macrocosm and the microcosm are always linked.

I am 37M.
Struggling with a few things.
Both sides of my family have a very strong history of schizophrenia. My mother and father have PTSD.
My elder siblings have both been diagnosed with schizophrenia. One is currently hospitalised, his is very severe. My younger sibling is extremely autistic and non-verbal.
Depression history:
First age 11-13. Then again ages 21-22. Then the doozy was ages 29–31 - this one appeared to have broken me and left some permanent damage?
Here’s what happened during the last one, it was prolonged;

• I had intense depression for over two years
• eventually it became extremely severe anxiety + depression
• this eventually became agoraphobia
• I had intense panic attacks constantly for years afterward, I lived terrified
• during this time, unfortunately I lost my ability to speak (this is strange because for my job I used to be a good public speaker), I suddenly couldn’t speak to even the friendliest person.
• I was in a relationship with a woman whom I found incredibly terrifying and unpredictable, unfortunately she was very controlling so I lost all contact with everyone I ever cared about for many years (this brought the depression).
• I feared any social interaction due to inability to speak. It was intensely embarrassing and painful (the way I was treated was frustrating and terrifying during this time)
• it took a few years and meds building up from a couple words per day until I could speak to a doctor in enough words
• after a couple more years, I could speak to strangers, but would almost always forget what I was going to say, it was terrifying at the time, now it is a lot better but I find myself interrupting people a lot accidentally and speaking far too much
• I’ve gotten a lot better, but during that time - it appears I lost my memory severely, first it was short term, it appeared to be long term second, then mid term memory, at that point, I struggled to know basic things like where I was intending to drive in my car,etc
• I do feel like I lost chunks of my personality during this time too.

A lot of the bad stuff is over, but I’m really struggling to get the pieces back together of who i used to be. It’s like the new me is just permanently stuck on 50% with 10% the enjoyment of life.
I’m going to therapy.
I see psychiatrist. I see psychologist. Happy to see even more, whatever it takes.
My life is very much void of anything good or joyful? No motivation and the apathy is tedious.
I’m not sure how to get over this hill. I have so many memories of being so intensely motivated, driven, I had so much joy and general charisma in my 20s. These days I struggle to make a phone call. I can’t initiate tasks, I often can’t stop once I’ve started either.
Some of the things I have been diagnosed with in the last five years;
PTSD ADHD Depression Anxiety.
I’ve cut right back on alcohol - thank goodness. Feel very grateful I was somehow capable of taking that on…but I feel void of everything everyone else experiences..
I will keep trying, I keep reading, I’m just suddenly less useful when it comes to myself.
Anyway, thanks for reading.

Origins of the Treacherous Liar is my story, but it's also the name my ex-partner gave me. Let me give you some background: my ex comes from a troubled family, with a history of substance abuse and dysfunction. When we first met, I saw potential in him despite his struggles, and I tried to support him.
Can I breathe yet? Am I allowed to? Do others and YOURSELF give you permission to breathe? These questions echo through the corridors of my mind as I navigate the treacherous waters of my past, trying to make sense of the tumultuous journey that brought me here.
Loneliness has been a constant companion, casting shadows over my life like storm clouds on a bleak horizon. It's a feeling that can drive even the sanest person to the brink of madness, twisting perceptions and clouding judgment.
All my life, I was the outcast, the odd one out, the invisible woman, and the black sheep, well for at least with my school life and my family life. This is at least some aspect of being so lonely for so long and it can play on many minds, it can make people crazy to the point where their actions might lead to dangerous things. What things do you ask? Well, that might be the very point of this story.
In the midst of this emotional turmoil, I found myself entangled with a partner whose demons mirrored my own. His struggles with addiction and manipulation became the backdrop of our relationship, overshadowing any hope of happiness.
Despite all this, I stayed with him, even after having children together. I wanted to believe he would change, but he only became more erratic and unreliable. He would disappear for days, come home high, and even stole medication meant for my pain relief during childbirth.
I stayed, against my better judgment, clinging to the belief that love could conquer all. But as the years passed, the cracks in our foundation widened, until they threatened to swallow me whole.
His actions spoke volumes of his character; leaving our children alone while he indulged in drugs and alcohol, neglecting their safety and well-being. The kids suffered; their innocence tarnished by the toxic environment he created.
His disregard for our family's well-being culminated in moments of violence, like the day he broke my finger in a fit of rage. Yet even as the pain seared through me, I found myself trapped in a cycle of denial and despair.
Leaving him was a Herculean task, requiring every ounce of strength I possessed. Yet even as I broke free from his grasp, I found myself labeled a "treacherous liar" by the very person who had wrought havoc on my life.
His accusations cut deep; reopening wounds I thought had long since healed. Was I truly the villain in this narrative, or merely a pawn in his game of manipulation?
But amidst the chaos, I found moments of clarity. I realized that my worth was not defined by his accusations, nor was my truth beholden to his perception.
I took steps to reclaim my life, carving out a path free from the shadows of my past. It wasn't easy, and there were setbacks along the way, but with each step forward, I grew stronger.
As I look back on my journey, I see the courage it took to confront my demons and the resilience it took to rebuild my life. I may never have all the answers, but I know that I am no longer defined by the label's others place upon me.
So, to those who would seek to cast me as the villain in their story, I say this: my truth is mine alone, and I will not be silenced by your lies. The waters may be treacherous, but I will navigate them with courage and grace, knowing that I am worthy of love and respect.
So, Reddit, am I the a-hole for leaving my ex-partner after being labeled as a "treacherous liar"?

[First] [Prev]
Dialog Key:
[Translated]: Dates, Units of Measurement, or other Grammatical terms will be retrofitted to be legible for readers while still staying true to their definition
{Exposition}: Immediate context regarding events, People, Entities, or other key points that allow for understanding amongst different cultures.
...Soon enough, however, the Humans’ ambition of ‘Bigger is Better’ would get out of hand when some Human Megacorporations found themselves with enough liquid assets to purchase entire star systems, where they would then colonize planets and begin massively developing these regions, building more [Dyson Swarms], stripping planets, and doing something so outrageously ambitious in such a short timespan: Encasing Ecumenopoli. Now, if you’re unfamiliar with the term then you’re clearly from another galaxy, or you’re on one of the newly developed systems made for agricultural purposes, But an Ecumenopolis is a Planet-Spanning City, though in this case, an arcology project designed with factory production in mind. They did all of this within 2, maybe 3 of their generations if things went behind schedule. For reference, outside of Human-controlled space, there are maybe 6 Ecuminopoli, all of which are capital worlds of the largest spanning empires in the galaxy, they took upwards of [Epochs] to complete, and yet these Humans are completing them almost every other [day] it felt like. Really putting the “Mega” in Megacorp.
Also, around this time, the Human population had begun to massively kick off after several generations of colonization efforts on exo-planets, and now the demand for genuine Human services exploded, and with it, a newfound trust for the Human race. Humans began appearing as servants in every corner of the galaxy, becoming often more than just employees. They would run your local restaurant, do your laundry, and watch over your young while you went to work. They would do your taxes, serve your drinks, and work in your factories for long hours if you gave them decent pay, thanks to their naturally high endurance. While this didn’t necessarily build trust between the denizens of the galaxy and Human Megacorporations directly, trust between the Galaxy and the Human race as a whole would be something these corporate entities would exploit during the next phase of their plan.
The next phase of their plan started when the Humans ran out of space to expand. They had been given complete and uncontested control over a [50 ly radius] around their home system, which included more than 1,400 star systems, yet in just 5 generations they had already colonized it, in 10 generations they outgrew it. Their territory now bordered on the Dekarr, the Ce’davi, the Cynn, the Preene, my people. They colonized every available system that wasn’t claimed or occupied nearby and then? Well, then they just started fighting each other again, With no further prerogative of expansion the Humans just went back to their old ways of murdering each other in increasingly potent ways.
Initially, many Nations surrounding Humanity were terrified of Mankind’s hyper-competitive nature and feared their rapid expansion would lead them into territorial disputes and skirmishes with nearby empires, of which the humans would most certainly come out victorious. Alliances were made specifically for this contingency, but over time it became very clear that Mankind didn’t care enough about external problems to launch border incursions on their neighboring states, and instead found it much more profitable to sell the technological marvels of their countless internal conflicts to the rest of the galaxy. Eventually, their border states were all put at ease.
You see, up until now I have yet to disclose anything about Pre-contact Human history, and as common knowledge as it is now, it was not something known about humanity for their first few generations in the GC until some historians managed to dig up their ancient history. Humans, as it turns out, are some of the greediest, most competitive, most cunning species ever conceived, partially born out of the hypercompetitive Deathworld they call Terra. They warred with themselves constantly throughout their early history. Combine this with their natural adaptability and survival dependant on the creation of tools, as well as their thousands of years of bloody warfare gives you a species with such advanced strategies of warfare, such intricate tools, nay, weapons, that we were (and still are) confident they could have held off the entire GC in a ground invasion of their planet during their second industrial revolution at the time {circa 1870 A.D. EST}.
However, this war-like nature that has been deep-rooted in their politics and their drive to solve internal problems with guns more often than words has been agreed upon by all parties as a hindrance to mankind, this was even accepted by Humanity for a while as an unfortunate byproduct of being from a Deathworld of their magnitude, built on the foundations of hyper-competition. That was until Humanity learned that they could effectively become the Bulwarks of the galaxy, and could [Make a killing] doing so. That’s when they learned to harness their war-like capabilities against one another, although they’ll never admit several wars were incited just to fast forward investments into R&D. And out of the ashes, blood, and sweat of soldiers and civilians alike, wonder weapons of cosmic proportions would emerge and flood the market, and by extension the Human economies.
We had no idea about any of this at the time, of course, and scrambled to grab the latest and newest of Human weapons tech. I don’t even think the separate Human factions knew, maybe their upper echelons or the few bribed to pull the strings. Much of that is still unclear to this day. But with the massive influx of liquid assets to these Megacorporations, their plan was set into action.
One Human Megacorp, Lionsare Biotech™, developed an innovative piece of gene engineering that could terraform any planet with relative ease. It was a combination of highly potent and resilient bacteria and algae that would grind up the raw minerals and rapidly reproduce and evolve to handle the uncountable new nutrients available to them. They would evolve and grow at 300,000 times the rate of the most hostile and competitive Deathworld ever discovered (Which, believe it or not, was not Terra but did so happen to fall within Human Territory, some green hell the Humans called “Catachan”). The latest trials of this product showed Flora emerging within [3 ESY], the earliest fish within [2 ESY] after that, Amphibians and Avians within [1 ESY] still, Reptiles within [8 Earth Standard Months] after that, and finally, Mamals, Apex Predators, Fungi, and insects find their place less in than [3 ESM] afterward.
Once Biodiversity is at the desired level, a pathogen will be released into the atmosphere of the planet, which will inhibit these hypercompetitive genes, increase the lifespans of the flora and fauna, and stabilize growth to have a healthy prey-predator ecosystem. Prior modifications to the initial bacteria and pathogens released would yield different results, different ecosystems, different flora and fauna, different levels of aggressiveness within ecosystem competition, and so on.
Any additional modifications would require further funding, but if you and maybe a thousand other colonists chipped together 2,800,000 GCS [2,300,000 USD (2024)] you could terraform nearly any barren world within the habitable zone of a star to your liking within [10 ESY]. You could also purchase more things like orbital mirror arrays to change the day-night cycle of your planet, as the Humans had done with Venus, Planetary EMF generators to reduce and defuse solar radiation, and Even orbital laser systems which could be used to terraform the planet and increase the temperature if need be.
As soon as these services hit the market the Galaxy [went nuts]. Stock within Lionsare Biotech™ skyrocketed, and their services were being demanded across the Galaxy from hundreds of different species. It usually took an AI about a year to craft the necessary bacteria to jumpstart the process as requested by the clients, but this was more than worth it for those trying to start a new life somewhere amongst the stars for relatively cheap.
Of course, as anyone settling a world would know, they effectively have to start their civilization fresh and build up a population, a supply chain, logistics, and a planetary defense network. Depending on the species you could have a fully self-sustaining planet within 5-300 generations. However, a lack of infrastructure and development led to some early problems, often taken for granted in these colonists’ former lives.

My company has a history of providing certain employees with a company car that can be used for personal use as well as a gas card. I use it as my main daily driver. It does get used for my job as I will sometimes drive to different job sites. Now the policy is changing due to insurance recommendations that non-family members cannot ride in company cars. Well this is my daily driver and I am also a mom with young kids who do sports and other activities. I also have a husband who works odd days, sometimes on the weekends. I need to be able to participate in carpool and have other kids/people in my car. So I need to approach my company about not using the company car benefit but instead maybe getting a vehicle allowance or mileage reimbursement. Anyone done this before and have recommendations? How did you come up with an amount? How do I account for the fact that I still want to get the 'personal use' benefit, but in a direct monetary way (i.e. get reimbursed not just for business miles but also personal miles since other employees are still using company vehicles for personal use, they just are in different life situations where transporting other people isn't part of their routine). What items do I need to concede on?

Hello everyone, welcome to the third discussion about Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman. Hope you studied hard this week, I sure did!

Summary

Previously, in Thinking Fast and Slow, we followed Kahneman and Amos’s academic bromance in the wonderful world of decision making and biases. Our two main characters model two kinds of behavior of the brain. System 1, always on, is the intuitive one, that makes continual judgments and assumptions. System 2 is the slower one, only called when necessary, that produces rational thinking, mathematical reasoning, and is awfully lazy. We learned that even specialists are really bad at intuitive statistics and apply the law of small numbers when they shouldn’t.
Chapter 11: Anchors When we are asked to consider a possible solution to an estimation problem (eg, did Gandhi die after 100 years old?), our answer will be close to this number, like it’s anchored to it. Even when the proposition is obviously unrelated, like with a rigged wheel of fortune. It has many consequences, like with real estate prices and every negotiation. If someone starts one with an absurd price, make a big fuss and stop it until a more reasonable offer.
Both systems cause this behavior. System 1 because of priming (unconscious influence of a previous information). System 2 makes us start at the anchor, and then adjust, often not enough.
Btw, here are the answers to the questions, it annoyed me that they weren’t in the book. Washington became president in 1789. Waters boils at around 70°C/160°F on top of the Everest. Gandhi died at 78 years old.
Chapter 12: Availability We learn about the availability bias. When we are asked to estimate the frequency of an event, our answer depends on how easily we can retrieve examples from our memory. The more dramatic and personal the example is, the more it works. Making people list examples increases the perceived frequency, except when you ask too much. Finding 12 examples of something is hard, and your brain will interpret the cognitive fatigue as a less frequent phenomenon.
Chapter 13: Availability, emotion and risk Our perception of risk is biased by availability and the affect heuristic. If you feel strongly about something negative, you will evaluate the risk as stronger. It’s especially true with very small risks such as terrorism, which our brain is really bad at evaluating (it’s either ignored or given too much weight). And a recent disaster in the news will make us renew our insurance policies. There is a very negative correlation between benefit and risk in the mind of people. This means that if a technology is perceived as highly useful, you will perceive it as less risky, and vice versa.
Kahneman then presents two philosophies about risk assessment and how it affects public policy. There can be availability cascades around public panics such as the Love Canal controversy, fed by media frenzy and politics. Slovic thinks that risk being not objective (it depends on what parameter we prioritize, such as lives or money), the perception of the citizens should never be ignored. Sunstein wants risk experts to rule, because public pressure make the biased lawmakers prioritize the use of tax money inefficiently. Kahneman wisely stays in the middle of this merciless academic scuffle.
Chapter 14: Tom W Tom W is a fictional university student invented by Kahnmos. The goal of the exercise is to guess his specialty. The subjects are told the proportion of the students in each specialty (the base rate, humanities being more probable than STEM), and sometimes a (dubious) psychological profile. He’s described as a nerdy asocial guy who likes bad puns, and if you’re judging him, remember you’re on reddit, so don’t throw any stone here. Most people, even specialists, will infer that Tom studies Computer Science, despite the probabilities given by the base rate, that mean it is more probable for him to study Humanities. It’s because this tells a better story (they choose representativeness instead of base rate. Even if the added information is dubious. Once again, if system 2 is activated (eg by frowning), people will get closer to the base rate.
Kahneman then gives us advice to discipline our faulty intuitions. You just have to use Bayes’s rule and multiply probabilities in your head! Easy. If you cannot do that, I’m sorry you’re an embarrassment to your family and country, but just remember to stay close to the base rate and question the quality of the evidence.
Chapter 15: Linda or less is more Linda is another fictional character created to make us feel bad. She’s described as a left-leaning politically engaged woman. What is more probable, that she’s a bank teller or a feminist bank teller? Most people will choose the second. The problem is that feminist bank tellers are a subset of bank tellers, so there’s less of them (all feminist bank tellers are bank tellers, whereas only some bank tellers are feminist). So it’s mathematically less probable. However, it’s more plausible, tells a causal story, so our System 1 likes it. It’s called conjuction fallacy.
Apparently, Linda caused another controversy in the field of psychology, but Kahneman doesn’t go into details, probably to protect his readers from the gruesome imagery.
Chapter 16 Causes trump statistics We go back to a Tom-like experiment, comparing base rate to other information. When the base rate is neutral, people don’t care about it. But when it is causal and tells a story, the brain will take it into account more. The story (here, it is that a company’s cab cause most of the accidents) creates a stereotype in our head. And in this case, stereotyping helps improving the accuracy of our intuitions.
The author then discusses how to teach psychology to students. He describes the help experiment, where people isolated in booths heard a stooge pretending to die. A minority of people went to help, because of the dilution of responsibility (”someone else can do it!”). When faced to this result, most students accept it but it doesn’t really change their views, in particular of themselves. However, when shown some individuals and their choices, their ideas really evolved. Once again, we suck at statistics and love to make stories from anecdotes. But now we can hack it?
Chapter 17 Regression to the mean Every performance has a random element. That means that if someone has an exceptionally good run, in sports for instance, their results will go down in the future. The opposite is also true. This is called regression to the mean and happens all the time when there is randomness involved. But our brains love causality and will invent a story around it. For instance, this air cadet performed better the second time because I yelled at him, not because of randomness catching up with his bad luck. That’s why we need control groups in every experiment, because many sick people will get better because of time and statistics.

Useful Links

• The Love Canal
• Alar Scare
• Bayesian statistics

You’ll find the questions below, feel free to add your own!

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/hey_itsawonderfulday posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 22nd January 2024
Update - 6th May 2024
​
AITAH to leave my ex best friend during her pregnancy
​
I (25F) had been with my best friend Jessica (24F) for over 5 years, we met while we were both working at McDonald’s when we were both 18, started the same day and became best friends ever since. Even though our lives turned out quite differently, as I ended up finishing my degree and became an account, and Jess became a janitor at the university, I still loved her very very much and we maintained to be our original self as when we were 18.
All this until a year and a half ago, while she’s working at the university, she met this fella “Funnel” who’s 69 years old two years ago and starting to see him romantically. At first I wasn’t a fan of the relationship, as there’s such an age difference. But Jess moved in with him and I started to accept their “relationship” and got to know this Funnel guy….
Funnel has two daughters in their late 40’s and a son in his early 30’s, has grandkids in their late teens and early 20’s. Overall, this guy makes me so uncomfortable as he is quite creepy(?) but hey as long as Jess is happy, I’m happy. About half a year ago, I recognize that Jess’s body changed and asked if had her period, she answered no, so we went and got some pregnancy test. Of course, it came back all positive (all three of them).
She stated that she hasn’t had her period for over two months. When we found out, I offered anything I could possibly think of, driving her as she does not have a car or license, offered her financial assistance as I make significantly more then she does and shelter as I own my house and has spare rooms, as she never paid rent in her life (she lived with her mother before she moved in with the old fella).
I basically told her that whatever she needs I will be there, but first thing first we need to go see a OBGYN. She said yes and I drove her home, two days later I asked if she want to book an appointment and when should I take some time off work to take her to these appointments. She basically told me she had her period and she doesn’t think she is pregnant.
I stated ok we still need to go see a doctor and get you check since it may be a miscarriage, she then basically ghosted me. I tried reaching out multiple times and got 0 answers or reply, her mother even reached out to me to see if I have been in contact with her as she had not been in contact with her for awhile, which is super unusual for her as we are constantly in contact.
I was super worried about her well being as the old fella might be controlling and telling her that she can’t share her pregnancy with anyone, as we live in a small town. After three weeks of trying to contacting her, I gave up and told her that if she doesn’t want my help or want me in her life anymore I will be happy to cut contact with her. No reply. So I blocked her number, her social media.
Now half a year later, I found out she is very pregnant, still living with the old fella that’s probably gonna die sooner than later due to him being an alcoholic and have history of cancer, leaving her with nothing as he does not own anything and lives paycheck to paycheck. AITAH to just leave her knowing that her and the baby will struggle?
​
Comments
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skorvia
NTA
She has what she looked for, she also stopped talking to you, she abandoned you and preferred to stay with an old man twice her age. She stopped talking to you, why should you be the one to come back?

OOP: I guess I just want to get through her what she’s signing up for if she does not have any support, she hates her mother and has no other friends.

redditreader_aitafan
old man almost 3 times her age with grandchildren her age.
​
**Judgement - NTA*\*
​
Update - 4 months later
​
Jess(24) had the baby, and after 10 months of no contact, she reached out.
We went for coffee, and she updated me what happened in those 10 months, and admitted she cut me off on purpose, as she is jealous of my accomplishments. The 70 year old baby daddy is now 71 and he asked not to be on the birth certificate and he’s not, he hid the baby from his family (3 adult kids in their 40s). He was not there during the delivery and didn’t even bother going to the hospital.
She got kicked out of his apartment and living with her abusive mother, where she desperately wanna move out. The reason why she reached out is due to she ran out of money due to her shopping addiction and she now needs support. She asked if she could stay at one of my rental properties for free or if she can borrow some money from me.
It was a pretty easy decision for me, as I told her straight up that I’m not a ATM machine and if she would’ve kept me as a friend 10 months ago I would’ve consider to help her. However, I am still willing to be friends and work on our friendship. She was pretty upset about it and said that since I am so well off I should help her. I told her no again and said we will revisit this conversation again if we maintain friends.
Well, since that conversation I invited her to have lunch and coffee a few times. And stop paying for things and driving her around like I did before.
She pretty much stopped communicating with me immediately.
I guess my question is AITAH to put her out on the streets?
​
Comments
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dheffe01
NTA, its called child support for a reason she needs to get it

OOP: Can she get child support if he’s not on the birth certificate?

dheffe01
the court can compel a DNA test especially if its evident they have been in a relationship
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Carolinamama2015
NTA, she has made her choices, just cause she let the babies father off the hook( for truly no good reason) it's not anyone else's job to step up and support her child. She has options. She could've put him on the birth certificate She could file for child support through the courts.

OOP: I feel bad for the baby as he would be high risk for health problems in the future due to the father’s old age.

​
Chaoticgood790
Imagine Fing an old dude and not securing money. Your friend is a few crayons short and all that. She can get a job like everyone else

OOP: She had a job as a janitor, but now on EI (employment Insurance) due to maternity leave.

​
Guilty-Web7334
Oh, I take it you’re in Canada? At his age, he’d be receiving Canadian pension. Are there survivorship benefits with Canadian Pension plan like there is with US social security? As an aside, though, if she’s low income with no father on record, her Child Tax Benefit will be minimum $600-700/month. So she should be somewhat okay between EI, CTB, and the Baby Bonus. Not rolling in it, but if her mother isn’t making her pay rent/utilities, she should be okay. She just has to not be an idiot.

OOP: Yes, I am in Canada. He has pension, old age pension, Canadian pension plan AND income from working. She has Child Benefits which is $660 per month. EI which is $800 something bi-weekly (or weekly). But she has shopping addiction, each time we go out she spends $200 on random stuff like new clothes or jewelries. No child support from baby daddy so far tho.

​
MtnMoose307
So NTA. I can't recall a post on Reddit where one person could make. so. many. stupid. choices.

OOP: I think she made these decisions due to no life experience, she’s 24 turning 25 now. But never paid rent or have a drivers license.

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Pretty_Little_Mind
She’s a fool if she’s doesn’t file for child support and establishes paternity through the courts. If the man dies while her child is a minor, I would think the child would receive SS benefits. That being said, she does not sound trustworthy or prudent with money.

OOP: She said the guy “promised” to leave some money in his will. Nothing is written down obviously.

Pretty_Little_Mind
Uh huh. My first comment stands. And what money? He lives paycheck to paycheck.

OOP: I’m just waiting to see when she would realize that he’s not paying.

​
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Hey everyone,
5 days ago I fell off a paddle board on a river and slammed my shin really hard into an underwater tree trunk. It took out a chunk of my skin and became infected. Luckily I didn’t break anything, but The doctors said it looks like cellulitis and have me on the following antibiotics: Cephalexin, levoflaxin, and doxycycline They also have me on methocarbamol for pain.
The redness seems to have gone down significantly, and my pain level has definitely gone down as well. However, now the skin around the wound is yellow. There is no pus or anything around the wound.
I assume I t’s just a bruise, because I hit my shin extremely hard, but I wanted to check if it could be something else because they didn’t say to look out for this after I was discharged from the ER. They only asked me to pay attention if the redness was spreading and if I saw any red streaks or anything.
I also notice blood rushes to my leg when I sit up after elevating my leg for long periods of time. This is really painful for a few seconds until I walk around for a bit, then it fades. Is this normal? Compression socks seem to really help reduce this pain.
Demographic info: Age: 25 Height: 5’10 Weight: 255 lbs Gender: Male Prior Medications: Wegovy Medical History: Obesity, no other history Smoking status: never
Thanks!
Images: https://imgur.com/a/LprwVrX

It's legit. It's not "just a fan-theory".
From as far back as 2013 and as recent as 2022 the author has talked about it. I speed-ran through all of the author's Narou Blog Posts, used the advanced search feature on X, and noted down the links containing useful information that I found. I hope you find this informative.

1. THE AUTHOR REFERS TO IT MOSTLY IN THREE DIFFERENT WAYS

In this tweet from 2022, he talked about the title of this future story itself being still undecided. Here he casually termed it as "the story of 80 years since Mushoku Tensei", he also called it "the last story in Six-Faced World", but the most often way the author referred to it—and the way the Japanese fanbase mostly called%22%20%E7%84%A1%E8%81%B7&src=typed_query&f=top) it—is "the main story (temporary title)" [本編(仮)] or just "the main story".

2. DESPITE BEING CALLED THE MAIN STORY, MUSHOKU TENSEI IS NOT "THE PREQUEL" OF "A MAIN STORY", AND THE SO-CALLED MAIN STORY IS NOT "THE SEQUEL" OF MUSHOKU TENSEI

This reddit post has excellently talked about Mushoku Tensei being the main story of its own. Even the author himself has tweeted, "The main story of Mushoku Tensei is Mushoku Tensei."
Rifujin-sensei has an aversion of calling it a sequel. Here he elaborated that the story will not be a sequel of Mushoku Tensei. In this tweet he talked about the story not being a continuation of Rudeus' story, although certain characters from Mushoku Tensei will appear since they're directly related to Hitogami's defeat but he insisted it's not the continuation of it. Here he even said he will not write a Mushoku Tensei's sequel.
A fan here compared it to how Fate isn't the sequel of Tsukihime despite being in the same universe, and the author concurred . It's just like how Old Dragon's Tale, Kingdragon King's Subjugation, and Mushoku Tensei are all set in the same universe but aren't prequel/sequel of each other.

3. CHARACTERS FROM MUSHOKU TENSEI THAT WILL APPEAR IN "THE MAIN STORY (TEMPORARY TITLE)"

I think we can infer about which characters would most likely appear based on the chapter The Final Dream in Mushoku Tensei's final volume (since they're directly related to Hitogami's defeat as the author said). However, he kept it vague about how important they would be to the plot itself.
Here he confirmed that Lara Greyrat will appear, but he doesn't even know the story yet since he hasn't began writing it.
In this blog post from 2015, he talked about how he thought Luicellia might appear again in the story set 80 years into the future. He said as a character she was already created even before Norn and Ruijerd. She was described as a beautiful demon girl who is taciturn and straightforward, quick to kill her opponents, but also hardworking, earnest, and single-minded. Considering it's still a concept, her character traits might change (not to mention the traits themselves included being the last Superd).
How about Nanahoshi then? Is she perhaps the main character of the last story?

4. NANAHOSHI SHIZUKA IS NOT THE PROTAGONIST OF "THE MAIN STORY (TEMPORARY TITLE)"

I know certain section of fanbase are believers of this theory, but the author has debunked that idea in this blog post from as far back as May 2013. Someone said they heard it from somewhere that Nanahoshi will be the protagonist of "the main story", and Rifujin-sensei answered that it's a hoax—Nanahoshi is not the protagonist.
What about the Akihito guy then? Good-looking sporty teenage, a summoned hero, managed to charm the unique Blessed Child in his short isekai life the first time, and will possibly have his own harem considering he's perhaps also Nanahoshi's love interest. The planned story of him literally screams "I'm the main character of power trip shonen fantasy", but is he? Well...

5. SHINOHARA AKIHITO IS NOT THE PROTAGONIST OF "THE MAIN STORY (TEMPORARY TITLE)"

You read that right. I don't know if a lot of you believe he is, because I most definitely did. I even (guiltily) spread misinformation that I believe he's the protagonist because I genuinely thought he was.
Then... I discovered this blog post.
Someone asked Rifujin-sensei in early 2015, "Could it be that 'Shinohara Akihito' is actually the main protagonist of Mushoku Tensei? I thought Rudeus was the protagonist who changes the future, but if it turns out that Shinohara Akihito is the true protagonist and Rudeus is merely a pawn, then I feel really sorry for Rudeus." To which, the author replied, "The protagonist of the main story (temporary title) is a different person."
The author added that he also had a story concept where Akihito is the protagonist, but he felt that the story ultimately wouldn't differ much from Rudeus' own so he scrapped it.
Now for the million dollar questionL who is the protagonist? Probably an entirely new guy, but I have a theory.
Kuroki Seiji couldn't get over what happened to him ten years ago. On that fateful day, he would have been died if not for a savior pushing him out of the road when a Truck that lost control almost hit him. His savior was tragically died in his stead, but the stranger thing was the fact that his friends, Shinohara Akihito and Nanahoshi Shizuka, vanished out of thin air. That experience led to him being approached by a secretive magical society he didn't know exist wanting to hear about the "unnatural situation". Ten years later having joined the society and gained various magical knowledge, he stared down at the magic circle he drew after countless research, believing it would deliver him to wherever his best friends have been disappearing to. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he activated the magic circle.
Alright, sorry please ignore my baseless fanfiction idea.
What I know is that in The Final Dream, there are two "Asian-looking" guys among the party that defeated Hitogami. There is a teenage guy who looked to be good at sport, and there is an older guy in his twenties or thirty who noticed Rudeus first and bowed to him. Is the teenage guy Akihito? Probably, but who is the older guy? Is he perhaps the protagonist? Maybe my fanfiction idea isn't so baseless after all (I'm joking).

6. WHEN WILL THE AUTHOR WRITE "THE MAIN STORY (TEMPORARY TITLE)"?

It's not like it's definitive that he will definitely write it, but lucky for us at least he confirms the plan to write it is genuine, he just needs to prioritize other things first.
Like in this blog post from 2021, he give a blueprint of his main priorities for the foreseeable future.

1. Work hard on anime-related projects.
2. Also work hard on publishing books since they need to be released around the same time.
3. Progress the Orc story bit by bit in between.
4. Once 1 and 2 are settled, continue the Orc story to its conclusion.
5. Heal my shoulders, neck, and eyes.
6. Write the final story of the Six-Faced World.

However, there could be a change of plan in between. Back in 2016, his preference was said to write "the main story" last, and there are also multiple other posts where he said there are more Mushoku Tensei-related stories he also planned to write.
For instance, in an April 2015 blog post this is the list of the stories he planned to tell each as a standalone:

• The story of Shinohara Akihito and Kuroki Seiji
• Young Perugius-sama's wild days (the Laplace War story)
• The old tales of Kishirika and Badigadi (the Second Human-Demon War)
• The life of Ancient God
• Mysteries related to Hitogami and the Dragon Tribe
• The story of Fangs of the Black Wolf
• How Lara and Leo become legendary saviors
• What ultimately happened to Nanahoshi
• Norn-chan's heartwarming school days

Both the Ancient God one and the Mysteries of Hitogami x Dragon Tribe have since been told in Old Dragon's Tale. In this one post there seems to be a planned 11 chaps story outline about Kishirika with Badigadi but was probably scrapped, however a Badigadi's POV from that era has been told as extra chapter in LN Vol. 23. As for the Akihito x Seiji one, I don't know why the author wants to write specifically about the duo. Akihito is understandable since he will definitely be a in the story, but Seiji is supposedly the unimportant one left behind. Hmm, maybe my fanfic—Sorry!
In different posts he talked about wanting to write the reason why Hitogami became so rotten, or about the rewrite version of the notorious Aisha x Arus arc (the relationship is canon, sorry denials), or about Orsted's POV in his previous loops.
Back to the point.
I can only trace the mention of this future story as far back as May 2013 (the Nanahoshi answer one), but it's obvious he already talked about it even before that (considering that post shows someone was already informed about this "main story"). Maybe he first mentioned it in a domestic socmed he used before migrating to Twitter, or there's information from older posts that I missed.
Rifujin-sensei tweeted this as recently as September 2022, here he confirmed he still sticks to his plan of writing "the story about 80 years after Mushoku Tensei" when the Mushoku Tensei anime and Orc's Hero Story both conclude, with rough time estimation being between 2025-2030.
https://preview.redd.it/m6yrmk46gl0d1.png?width=311&format=png&auto=webp&s=82af552ceec8e0aab8014134001fc5b0ea1d598a
Finger crossed, let's look forward to this in a few years.

Get ready for a showdown of epic proportions as Sunrisers Hyderabad (SRH) take on Gujarat Titans (GT) in the IPL 2024! This match promises to be a rollercoaster ride of thrilling cricket action, with both teams vying for the prestigious IPL trophy. The stage is set at the Rajiv Gandhi International Stadium in Hyderabad on May 16th, 2024, Thursday, at 7:30 PM.
With a star-studded lineup, SRH, led by captain Pat Cummins, is geared up to showcase their prowess on the field. On the other hand, under the leadership of Shubman Gill, GT enters the fray with unwavering confidence, determined to maintain their dominance in the tournament.
As the battle unfolds, cricket enthusiasts can engage in the excitement by leveraging platforms like Vision11 to test their sports knowledge and strategic acumen. Whether it's predicting the outcome or forming fantasy teams, fans have the chance to immerse themselves in the thrill of the game and compete for real rewards.
Stay tuned as these cricketing giants collide in a match destined to be etched in IPL history!

This is a crossover fanfiction between original fiction titles: Nature of Predators by SpacePaladin15 and The Last Angel by Proximal Flame respectively. All credit and rights reserved goes to them for making such amazing science fiction settings that I wanted to put this together.
You can read The Last Angel here: Be warned, it's decently long, and at its third installment so far. I highly suggest reading it before reading this, or this story will not make sense.

Otherwise, enjoy the story! Thanks again to u/jesterra54 and u/skais01 for beta and checking of work!
First Prev Next (soon)
Memory transcription subject: Governor Tarva of the Venlil Republic
Date [standardized human time]: October 22, 2136
The reveal of the Arxur's assistance of Earth was a unsettling, but mostly overlooked note to add to the headlines filling news sites today on Venlil Prime.
UNKNOWN SHIP DEVASTATES FEDERATION FLEET ABOVE EARTH, HUMANITY LIVES
While the ship wasn't currently unknown to us, given the UN's report, General Kam had advised that it would be better left unspoken of what capabilities we did know, so as to not worry the populace. "Leave causing panic to the humans" he said. But I heard the worries and anxious rumors throughout both social media and verbal conversations...
"That ship destroyed an ENTIRE fleet!?"
"Oh Protector, please tell me its not an Arxur vessel..."
"Why don't we know more?"
I couldn't help but feel for my people. I came to disagree with Kam's advice more and more, as I wished desperately to allay their fears of it being an Arxur superweapon, or that it was going to destroy us soon, or other similar worries.
Are you so sure yourself, Tarva? Even the UN government is scared of it, and it supposedly was made by a future Humanity...
I tried not to focus on that pang of paranoia. I just hoped soon enough the UN would make a statement on the Nemesis already. As I accompanied Noah to the UN's remembrance speech today, I did my best to scan for the feelings worn on peoples faces. The Venlil were unsettled as before, but the human refugees were an odder story altogether.
They were devastated, and scared as well as us Venlil were. But on top of it, I could see a common face worn of confusion. The information disambiguation hadn't made its way to Venlil Prime like it had Earth, and as such they were as much in the dark as the public here was. I could only imagine their uncertainty, knowing their race was likely saved by something they had no idea about.
Noah spoke out of nowhere. "I feel for the refugees here. Forced to an unfamiliar place, so unofficially hostile to them, and now they learn of Nemesis like this? I'd be as confused as them in their place." He checked his suit, attending to shift it so slightly as to make him look better in it. "I also can't imagine your opponents didn't run the whole ball with their existence here, too. Are we taxing you harshly, Tarva?"
I gripped his hand tighter. "No, Noah. While there are those that want you off-planet, I will not let them kick you off. I'll fight for you, no matter the cost."
"Seems like anywhere we go, we cause a fight some way or another. Pops always said space was our ticket to a better future, yet all we seem to cause is trouble for merely existing."
"Noah, its not your people's fault we're afraid of you. The Arxur are to blame for that, and we're at fault for holding it against you. What happened to Earth was not your doing, you tried your best, and it just was not convincing enough for millennia of cultural momentum."
He smiled at that, a muted, but still genuine smile. "Thank you Tarva. I'm glad you see the best in us, even when we don't."
I continued to scan the crowd, looking for the sight of Meier. He always seemed alight in diplomacy whenever he was around, it was a strength of his, outshining the room like that. I could only hope he was doing okay in the current state of Earth. The last time we talked, he seemed very tired, very...frustrated with everything.
But I was glad to see him in some his element soon after, amongst a group of dignitaries from other Federation species. He seemed to be listening to a Mazic diplomat, one I remembered by the name of Cupo. Sadly, however, despite Meier's attempt, it seems the conversation was not on a good track.
"-they're a menace to the rest of the galaxy, and you just let them in, not so soon after this ship blindsided an entire Federation fleet out of nowhere!?"
Meier dejectedly sighed. "Cupo, I thought I already told you, when the Arxur showed up, we had no capability to tell them to take a hike. They were ten-thousand strong and we barely managed several hundred ships left. That they even engaged in dialogue rather than just subjugation was a surprise to me."
"That doesn't make much sense either, Elias Meier. Since when do the Arxur play merciful? You're not telling us something here, and it curls my trunk in knots. How can we trust you when you can't even give us the details on what that ship is, or why the Arxur even showed up in its stead?"
The Mazic was not interested in Meier's friendly act, not giving any room for benefit of the doubt. The other diplomats crowded around began to mumble in agreement, as Meier stood there, formulating some response.
"What we do know about the ship and the Arxur, we'll clear up publically later in this event. But neither were expected by us, you have to believe me. Humanity is just as confused as you all are on the results of that battle, and-"
Cupo interrupted this time, clearly not willing to hear an explanation out. "You're running out of trust, Human. We think you ought to be given a chance; as the empathy studies show, you're not the Arxur. But associating with them as you are, with little transparency is not doing you favors with us, and if you want further association with us, you'd best cut ties with those monsters sooner, rather than later." The Mazic's ears hung in displeasure, and I could sense the nervousness in Meier as he stood down one of the races in the room far bigger than he was. Whether Cupo knew it or not, Meier was intimidated by his presence, and was trying to keep it cool to some degree. "We'll at most help with the Gojid refugees at the moment, as they've suffered both of your kind, but beyond that, consider it on hold until that problem is resolved."
They walked away, and some of the alien crowd amongst them followed. The only ones still sticking around seemed to be a Yotul diplomat, a Nevok, and a Fissan. The latter two stuck obviously to discuss more trade details, seeking to cut the other off from Earth to a degree in hopes of exploiting the system, but the Yotul was a surprise. I didn't even realize they had sent one this way.
Given the relatively new uplift of their world, I didn't imagine the Yotul having much stake or spread throughout the galaxy, so how did humanity...?
Meier turned to him. "Ah...Ambassador Laulo, I'm sorry you had to see that. We're...not doing so hot in the grand scheme of things, and some relations are boiling over as a result."
Laulo enthusiastically shook his head in denial. "No, it's okay! I understand the feeling of that persecution, even if it's for a different reason. Feels like the galaxy kicking you while you're already down."
"I appreciate any help we can get in regards to this. You're one of the very few races left that's pledged some sense of unconditional aid. I promise, with all I have in my power, I'll try and return the favor-Tarva!" Elias noticed my presence at last. "I...uh, how long have you been standing there?..."
"Long enough to hear most of it. I'm sorry the more neutral species aren't helping any, Meier. But that's not why I'm here, specifically. We need to talk about the human refugees."
Meier looked at me funny with that statement, as if he wasn't expecting something out of me. "I see...I hope it's not anything too bad, is it?"
I silently cringed at the exact words. Noah filled in the details in my stead. "Meier, the refugees here are seeing images of Earth, of those not too horribly in shock to do anything, there's been an uptick in suicides...a massive uptick. They aren't aware of the full story, due to the Venlil government's reluctance to publish the report sent here publicly. This remembrance speech better give the people here a semblance of peace, of stability, because there's an extreme lack of morale left in the camps."
Meier grimaced and scanned the crowd, glancing at the humans that were here. I assume he too could see how dejected many were, how many seemed at the end of their rope, coming here for the slightest hint of hope left in their lives at the news. They would need some good news, or there was a chance some wouldn't be here tomorrow.
I felt for them. They didn't deserve this, and our intentional censor of the details, so that Meier could deliver the news likely didn't help with the rates.
"I get that Noah. I really do. What happened at Earth was a tragedy, and the death toll is nearly 800 million. You could likely gather a group of ten or so humans from anywhere, and one of them lost someone close to them. I'll...do my best to raise their spirits, there's plenty to talk about here. The alien diplomats just aren't making this easy..." Meier gestured to the clearly forming bloc of neutral species dignitaries that gathered in the room. They did not seem to want to talk further on any support of Earth until some demands were met, mostly on why things were kept so information-blackout heavy at first. The speech would have to be twofold, at raising human refugees' spirits, and at convincing some of the touchy species to support Earth.
His work was cut out for him.
"Did you wish for any assistance on that front, Meier?" Noah offered. His kindness shone through even in the depths of despair that wore
itself on humanity currently. His soul was purely sweet and kind, regardless of his predator disposition, I so deeply respected that about him.
They began to talk shop, Noah mentioning his current experiences with human refugees upon Venlil Prime, and what topics Meier ought to add on and hit on in his speech. As rushed of advice as it was, Meier seemed determined to fit it in somehow, but I knew he had a silver tongue, his capability to navigate and convince was downright bewildering, present company excepted of course. Nothing would get those species over his diet anytime soon, so I could only hope he could appeal to their empathy as another sentient in this case.
I believed in them. If anyone could turn the state of the galaxy around, it would be these two.
Memory transcription subject: Dorian Abder, Commons Member of Parliament
Date [standardized human time]: October 22, 2136
I sat on my desk, watching out the window of my office at the Westminster Palace, reminiscing on the sad scene outside. Another body under cloth cover, wheeled out on a stretcher from a home surrounded by paramedics. Another swept up in despair, seeing the state of our beautiful planet, of our populace, so brutally scarred, enough to take their own life.
How many was it, so far? Nearly a half-percent suicide rate for every hundred thousand in England? More than eight times the highest resting rate in our entire history. And we were hardly hit in comparison to the rest of the world...how are they doing if it's this bad here?
I leaned back in my chair, back cracking in old age, forcing myself away from the scene outside. I tried to not think about it, just tried to focus again on my work. On the coordination efforts with the UN, the Arxur, and any other races seeking to help. But it was a mountain of work ahead, a peak of papers I could barely see myself climbing in an entire week, let alone the mere day it was handed down here.
We've all lost someone. Not a single soul hasn't been touched by the Federation's bombing.
I thought about how the targeting of cities took. How they focused so heavily on Africa and Asia, the most booming corridors of population on Earth. How they erased 78 cities from existence before their fleet was devastated by The Sword. They weren't aiming to cripple humanity, on industrial depots and power plants, but to exterminate us. They aimed for the most populated cities first, before taking potshots at what remained.
Being put to the death by The Sword serves them right, they deserved judgement by that blade for what they had done.
Or, rather, the Nemesis, as reports had given us. A human ship, but not quite our humanity. A time traveler conveniently sent here by accident, saving us from extinction. An AI piloted ship that sought now to reunite with Earth having defended us. Given what remained of our Guardian Angel, I sought to do everything I could to make their welcome home a celebration, for they defended humanity in our darkest hour.
I recalled my journeys around the globe as a younger man. How my endless wanderlust took me to every corner of the globe in the wake of the Satellite Wars. How the global power vacuum led to so much relief efforts, as the less-touched nations finally had room to breathe, the canopy of carefully controlled superpowers no longer eating up their light needed to grow. How African countries like South Africa and Niger found themselves expanding to match the designation of First World. How beautiful the Seychelles were to see in person.
How my volunteering in the UN's Unfurled Umbrella Initiatives after the Treaty of Shanghai took me to the partially collapsed countries amidst Asia. How Tokyo, despite its immense infrastructure failure, dragged itself back to a powerhouse of a city, as Japan built for itself after so long. How China's government reformed into a Republic after the post-war coups, and how Taiwan finally opened its heart more to them for it. How Beijing found itself all the stronger for adversity.
How the South and Central Americas found themselves no longer under the impressive hand of the United States' geopolitical influence. How the first Diaspora vessels took off from Argentina, seeking to establish a government sentenced only to the annals of history on Earth upon the distant surfaces of Mars. How they were so determined to prove the world wrong on its presuppositions of how a place should be ruled, free of the influence of bullying countries. And how their dream led to the now Martian Collective.
I thought of all the other places the UN took me. Of Cairo, and its deep connection to our most prominent civilization of the ancient past. Of Istanbul, to see the beauty of mixing Christian and Islamic influence over centuries of swapping hands. Of the stunning ports of Singapore, an industrial powerhouse of a nation, so tightly packed into one single city. Of the stunning silver forest of skyscrapers that was New York City, still kicking even after the devastation of the Satellite Wars. Mumbai, Baghdad, Lagos, Mogadishu, Guadalajara, Rio De Janeiro, Berlin. How I drank in all the beauty and magnificent history and culture of the world, and was all the fuller a person for it. These and so many more.
I thought of the honey farmer I met by the Saigon River; how Châu Được's family had kept the traditional job going for so long, and divinely sweet their harvest was they shared with me. I thought of Dari Qazi, how the humble Afghani-borne man had found himself at the forefront of a secular revolution in Pakistan, reaching unrivaled progress not seen since the 1980's. I remembered the ambitious young woman in Monterrey, Mexico, who talked to me of her dreams to build spaceships for the Diaspora program, how she wished dearly she could leave a mark on history, and how now her name was on the finest rockets of the age.
All gone. Dust on the wind. Atomized debris now. Their homes, their families, their history gone, according to reports of which cities have evaporated to bedrock.
Thousands of years of history, erased in moments by antimatter over Rome. Los Angeles was reduced to the basin it was built on those long years ago in America. Cape Town's hard fought for progress from humble beginnings to the most populous and prosperous city in all of Africa, wiped from the record in an instant. Seven-hundred and eighty million dead in the span of an hour.
All those years spent, traveling around the world, drinking in the sights, to know they will never return. To know they are gone and buried, snuffed out by a bloody cruel universe, filled with utterly contemptible aliens. A deep voice spoke inside me on a loop, constantly asking an enraging question.
"Did it all mean nothing to you, Dorian?"
There was only one answer I considered giving to that accusation. To the monsters that took so many lives and homes from humanity, merely for having the gall to eat differently. What answered back blistered with hatred, yet kept frigidly focused.
"It meant everything to me."
Something clicked inside; the Federation wouldn't get away with this. We deserved justice. I rustled through my desk drawers, looking for old contacts from my political days. The stacks of papers on my desk could wait, this was more important. I needed to make some calls. Humanity deserved better, and I knew just how we could get it. But it would require a far more coordinated effort than just me. No, it needed a movement.
The galaxy will hear us. One way or another, we deserve justice. And we have just the circumstances to deliver it...
Memory transcription subject: Governor Tarva of the Venlil Republic
Date [standardized human time]: October 22, 2136
"-the sting of these days will someday pass. Maybe not in the near future, maybe not even in our lifetime, but we will one day no longer feel his pain, this suffering. Until that day comes, we will not go gently into that dark night, we will live on, mourn our dead, defend those still living, and make humanity known to the galaxy that it will not roll over when faced with such hostility. To those who support us even now, I thank you deeply to the core, and ask for a moment of silence to those lost both above and on Earth...to those who would stand with the Federation, who did so cruelly act upon us, we urge you to reconsider, and turn away, for we bring not a olive branch, but a sword. Those species governments that did this will not get away with this, and those who stood aside and watched...either choose a side, or be labeled on one for your inaction. Thank you."
Meier finished his speech with that, and some applause was heard from human refugees amidst the crowd, but a majority remained mostly quiet, in remembrance of the lives lost. A good majority of the dignitaries from the Federation neutral races had already left by this point, so the pointed message at the end likely missed them personally, even if they listen in later. It was a good speech, but it felt...infused with something that was clearly not Meier's normal calm. It was like seeing a side I had never seen with him before, not rant-angry, but mad nevertheless, hidden behind a veneer of diplomatic politeness.
Noah put it in terms I thought best as Meier walked off stage. "You're a bit more of a firebrand than I thought Meier, but nevertheless a good speech! I'm glad you tied in what advice I could give for the refugees here so smoothly."
Meier smiled at that, a cathartic smile that spoke of being proud of what he delivered just a moment ago. I could only imagine he was aching with tension over the pain of so much loss of life, it was only fair that he be angry at the galaxy at large for it, and make it heard.
"Thank you, Noah. I sincerely mean every word of it. The Federation must not escape scot-free for what they have done, and already now at home we're preparing to bring the fight back to them." He looked at me. "We'll...obviously not go as far as the Federation did, but I speak for everyone in that humanity is not happy, and it shows. Even the refugees that came here looking a mere instant from giving up seem a bit resolved now to that goal. I just wish more were on our side to start...I never wanted war, but the galaxy's forcing it."
"I'm so sorry, Meier. My deepest sympathies for how the galaxy has treated you and yours. Despite the hiccups recently, I guarantee we'll still remain close allies; humanity deserves nothing less."
The remainder of the species in the remembrance assembly started to funnel out; it was mostly just humans and Venlil at this point, but a few stuck around. The Yotul ambassador, Laulo, was an obvious one amongst the stragglers, clearly meaning to talk with Meier and us further. As the room became more and more empty he walked over to us once again.
"Meier! Your speech was wonderful, full of spice and vigor, yet calming all the same. It was like a call to arms while smoking spiritwood. The Federation stragglers hopefully will reconsider!"
I felt a little weirded out by his choice of focus in the speech on The Federation, rather than humanity, but I responded in Meier's stead positively: "Yes, Meier's an expert in political and social matters. Anyways, what did you want? You seem to be just hanging around, waiting for a moment here."
"Ah...yes, about that..." Ambassador Laulo nervously tugged at his uniform. "I was sent here initially just in good faith for humanity, as we knew what it must've felt like for the Federation to bully you so immensely. But this second visit, to the gala itself...we actually want to propose something to Humanity and the Venlil, but I wanted to wait for Federation sympathizing eyes and ears to be far away from here first."
He looked somewhat desperate, but resolved. "We're planning on breaking off from the Federation. Their influence on our planet is awful, given what they've done to us during the uplift. They seek to repress our culture, they constantly call us backward, and primitive, hardly capable of thinking for our own in this galaxy. We're tired of it, but we still are partially relying on their technological development to get to this point, and we don't have a proper fleet made. Your space is closest to ours, and we hoped-"
Meier finished "-that'd we begin our war fronting towards Leirn first? Free your people from the Federation? I'll gladly bring it up with our military advisors. You helped us, we help you back."
Laulo sighed in relief at that, a huge weight taken off their shoulders. "T-thank you. Thank you so much for this. Leirn has sought to be free of their grasp ever since we learned their intentions were not pure. You've been the first species to actually care to some degree, and were our only hope out of this mess."
"Don't thank us just yet. If you'd like to get in contact with our military, I can set you up with some Generals and your government as a liason for the war. You can coordinate anything on your side of the bargain to us through them, and make this smoother." Meier handed him a card, and waved over a human attendant of his to Laulo. She talked with him as the two walked away, and Meier remained.
Noah turned to me, a warm hand scruffing my fur. "I know the state of things doesn't look too great, love, but it could be so much worse. We'll make due with what we can get, and hopefully the galaxy will be a better place for it. Don't worry, all will be well someday."
I believed him. Who wouldn't believe in humanity?
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Hi all,
It's my first time asking strangers things about relationship. So please forgive me if my story and question is a bit weird.
To start it off, there's this girl in my school and we live close to each other so we travel on the same bus everyday back and forth. Me and her are currently doing A Levels (junior year) now, but we've known each other ever since when we were in Year 7 (6th grade). We did not had a good history back then as I was an annoying little brat who thinks he's the coolest since he plays football and yeah I was not good with girls. When we get to Year 11 (sophomore year), we started to get more common classes and we became closer since I became more mature over the years and my friendship with girls are getting better with girls.
After Year 11 (sophomore year), many of my friends (and hers, too) left for college to study Foundation courses while me and her stayed in the same school to study A levels. Since there are less students/people in the year group now, everyone who stayed back for A levels became closer and closer. I became best friends with her and I gotta admit that I enjoy going to lessons with her and also teaching her maths (she's bad at it).
So everything was alright and so on until about 3 months ago, where she started giving me more and more attention and also I often caught her looking my way when I'm hanging out with my friends. At first I just thought: "Oh, maybe she is just zooning out, not a big deal" and went back to what I'm doing and shit. But after awhile, I realizes that everywhere I go, I can almost always see her somewhere even tho we share 2 of my 4 subjects together.
So as you know, in A Levels (or 6th form), us 6th formers get free lessons where we either hang out in the common room or we study together. Almost every time when I have a free lesson I go to the library and study. She often hangs out with her friends in the common room (she took art, dt and maths so there were nothing for her to study tbh while i took maths, dt, chemistry and physics). It was also around 3 months ago, I started to see her coming to the library with her friends more and more often.
So this brings us to around a month ago. That's when things really started to go on heat and that's also when I realized that I fell in love again (maybe). So in DT, me and her sat together and we help each others with work (I'm good at CAD softwares). So in this one month, I found her to get a little bit touchy (like she would hit me (as a joke) and she doesn't have any problem of me giving a pat to her shoulder and so on so on). Also in the meantime, she likes to joke around me and we would laugh at jokes and share funny reels at each others and stuff. My weakspot in this whole crush thing is when a girl gives me attention, I fall for them. So there I am, falling in love with her, but not sure that if she actually just treats me as a friend or she has a crush on me (I'm a heavy overthinker from everything that I had experience before).
I've never dated anyone before and I don't really have any female friends who I want to talk to them about this. I don't really know what I should do at this point. Should I keep it platonic? Should I ask her out? What do you guys think? I think I have a crush on her but in a way I think the only reason I have feelings is because of the attention that I'm getting. Sorry for the long paragraph and also my bad english :\

**TL;DR; I’m worried my boyfriend doesn’t find me attractive. To give some context - we have been dating for just under 1 year. He’s super sweet and shows a lot of love through actions (like helping out proactively without me asking, carrying things for me, opening doors, buying flowers, immediately changing any behaviour I say I don’t like etc) but not through words. For the first two months he didn’t give me a single compliment, but after this point randomly said “I just realised I never told you how beautiful you are”. I thought this was nice but it also got me thinking about it and why he hasn’t. He claims not to be a very verbal communicator, which I to some point can see. For further context, I’m not an unattractive woman. I’ve been told I look like a blond, more athletic Barbara Palvin many times, as well as a blond Natalie Portman. My point isn’t whether or not that is 100% true, but more that I am not ugly and often get told by others that I am very good looking. I’ve gotten asked to model many times but I am personally really turned off by things that I find very superficial, so I’ve said no. I also have an athletic body type, and am toned but do not have massive boobs that I feel many men may be drawn to.
When this worry initially came up I decided to look through his Instagram followers (just a few as he follows a lot of people) to see if he was the kind of guy who followed influencers. There were a handful of accounts of Instagram “models”. And I thought to myself “this must be what he finds attractive”. By this I mean the very artificial look; fake tan, lip filler, acrylics, hair extensions, big boobs etc - and to me it suddenly made sense why he never complimented me. I prefer a natural look and pride myself on natural beauty I’m also outdoorsy and climb a lot (so acrylics are a no go) but if this is what he likes there’s no way he is attracted to me. In addition I’m a creative person and my style is more fashion-y and subtly sexy than sexy sexy. He says he likes this, but I’m wondering if what he prefers is the overtly sexy (tight outfits, low cut etc). Part of the reason this bothers me is not because of jealousy (I like the way I am and don’t want to change) but to me there is something tasteless about these types of looks. And of course everything is personal preference and people should look how they want, but to me it says something about your values and interests. If he likes these things it also says something to me about how he views women and that maybe we have some core (and critical) differences in values that I shouldn’t overlook.
I confronted him about it. And after a few talks (initially I was trying to play it cool and didn’t let him know how much and why this made me uncomfortable) he unfollowed as many as he could and continued to unfollow the others as they popped up in his feed. And I know that he actually did do this.
Despite this, this still effects me. He compliments me rarely. We have talked about this and he makes an effort to do it more but says it doesn’t come naturally to him, which also comes across as the compliments seem stiff. Periodically he will struggle to finish when we “do it”, he blames this on stress (and to be fair this usually only happens when he’s running late for work already or similar situations). But I can’t help but think if he was with someone who looked like these girls he used to admire he would be complimenting her all the time and would be much happier and would never struggle to finish.
I love him and he’s great for me but I believe attraction is a big part of a relationship. I asked him about this too, saying I don’t understand how he can find that look and me attractive at the same time. First he said he didn’t find it attractive, but I pointed out that it made no sense to follow such accounts if he didn’t. He later admitted that he did find it attractive, but he finds lots of different looks attractive and that he followed those accounts when we was single and living semi off-grid (he works with outdoor sports and touring). I find this hard to believe (that he can find two so polar opposite looks attractive) and am stuck wondering if I should leave him, despite everything else being good. This has become a rift in our relationship and I’m struggling to see if I am being too black and white (and maybe a little dramatic) or if he really just doesn’t find my type of woman attractive.
Any thoughts? Is what he’s saying true or am I being lied to? And why do men find this very artificial look attractive?
For background details I have a history of dating narcissists and have abusive exes and am maybe used to being love bombed.

Am I trans ?
I'm a 20-year-old AMAB (I don't give myself a gender because honestly, I don't even know if I'm really a "man").
I've been asking myself this question for about 1 week and I don't know why, it tortures my mind to have and get an answer.
The question popped into my head like that, one day, when I had just woken up. I read articles about it, started asking around. And all this has greatly interested me.
I'm asking myself this question because I think I may have hit on one of the problems I have in my life, but as I have other specificities, I wonder if it's not just me trying to find a justification for my feelings.
To explain: I have ADHD (diagnosed very young), I have anxiety disorders and I'm also depressed, with a huge lack of self-confidence, so I naturally tend to think that maybe that's why I'm asking myself the question rather than myself, because I see it as a "solution" to "assuming my personality"?
So to find out if this is indeed gender dysphoria or just a sign of my low self-esteem (or maybe the two are related).
The "for" signs:
-I've always been different since I was little. Probably related to my neurodivergence, but that needs to be stressed.
-I'm not particularly attached to my gender. I've always seen myself as more of an entity or a person than a gender. It's borderline if I don't pay attention to the fact that I have a male body.
-I had a lot more girl friends than boy friends when I was young, and I liked them a lot. We used to play a lot together.
-Interest in romance at a young age or stereotypically "feminine" traits such as empathy, kindness, etc. I've always been more valued than my gender. I've always been more valued by my girl friends than my boy friends, who used to make fun of me because I was bad at sports or because I was "weird" (well, that could be attributed to neurodivergence).
-My family used to make fun of me because I wasn't "masculine" enough and I wasn't the male cliché.
-I appreciate "feminine" aesthetics much more than masculine ones. I love to see beautiful women's clothing and how it's made.
-I don't see love the same way my friends do. I have no sexual desire (I'm asexual) and I still see it as a kind of intense spiritual connection.
-When I see heterosexual romances, it disgusts me because they're usually ultra-stereotyped and clichéd. Queer romances excite me much more. And especially lesbian romances.
-I'll say it again: I love the "feminine" aesthetic: fushia colors, pink everywhere, etc. I like to dress in different clothes. I like to dress eccentrically.
-I take the button test (I'd change sex if I could).
-I'm indifferent to my body. It's just "fat" to me (depersonalization).
-Lately, since I've been asking myself this question, I've been dropping a lot of unintentional undertones related to transidentity.
-I play a "hyper-masculine" character who is a caricature of man in his most "primitive" instincts when no one is home to mock those same instincts. I feel like I'm forcing myself to be masculine. I also feel like I also mock myself for being a "insecure man" and a "man" basically.
-I'm a bit ashamed to admit this one, but I'm hypersensitive to being seen as feminine (probably because I've been put down about it since childhood). But it's at a stage where it's ridiculous (I've refused to see films because they were too "girly"... only to see them on the sly when no one sees me). I feel like I'm constantly repressing myself. I fear people thinking I’m not my gender (I was raised in an conservative house) and hating myself, but at the same time, I hate myself for not being able to just be proud of what I like and what I am. I think it’s because I just learned to hate what I am when if I accepted it, I wouldn’t be so triggered of being called "girly".
-I've had a conflict in my head between an "empathetic" version and a "hypermasculine over the top" version for about 4 years.
-Remember when I used to talk about a special romantic bond? I've always had this kind of bond with female fictional characters who have all these qualities, and I envy them for it. Especially the one about the samaritans.
-I feel that being a man will make me unhappy in the future because it will impose things on me that I don't want.
-being trans doesn’t really afraid me, it’s more the consequence and social repercussions that makes me anxious.
Now, the arguments against:
-I'm indifferent to my body, It doesn’t feel weird to have a penis even if I find it not really esthetic, I don't mind being seen as a man, even if since I had that thought about being maybe a trans, I've been embarrassed by being associated with the one. But before that, I didn't care.
-I have interests that are also stereotypically male (history/video games/philosophy/political science/computers/etc.).
-I've never wondered about that recently. I don't have gender dysphoria. It's just that I feel like I'm repressing my feminine side.
-I'm afraid of being a woman. People are ALL going to judge me, and I'll get imposter syndrome. But normally, you're supposed to be proud to express yourself as such.
-I have stereotypically masculine traits. Not a lot, but there are some: competition, wanting to be disciplined and so on.
-I like to make vulgar jokes or behave like a male cliché (I'm also putting this here because it can also be a "against" sign).
-I enjoy interacting with my male friends. I like to play into their sarcasm.
-Maybe it's just a sign of low self-esteem.
-I've only asked myself this question recently.
-I haven't felt any body dysfunction and my body seems to like testosterone.
-I behave too much like a "man" for my taste.
I apologize if this sounds a bit misogynistic or misandrist or cliché, but I wanted to be as authentic as possible in my description.
Thank you in advance for your response. I look forward to reading your opinions on it.

I'm a 20-year-old AMAB (I don't give myself a gender because honestly, I don't even know if I'm really a "man").
I've been asking myself this question for about 1 week and I don't know why, it tortures my mind to have and get an answer.
The question popped into my head like that, one day, when I had just woken up. I read articles about it, started asking around. And all this has greatly interested me.
I'm asking myself this question because I think I may have hit on one of the problems I have in my life, but as I have other specificities, I wonder if it's not just me trying to find a justification for my feelings.
To explain: I have ADHD (diagnosed very young), I have anxiety disorders and I'm also depressed, with a huge lack of self-confidence, so I naturally tend to think that maybe that's why I'm asking myself the question rather than myself, because I see it as a "solution" to "assuming my personality"?
So to find out if this is indeed gender dysphoria or just a sign of my low self-esteem (or maybe the two are related).
The "for" signs:
-I've always been different since I was little. Probably related to my neurodivergence, but that needs to be stressed.
-I'm not particularly attached to my gender. I've always seen myself as more of an entity or a person than a gender. It's borderline if I don't pay attention to the fact that I have a male body.
-I had a lot more girl friends than boy friends when I was young, and I liked them a lot. We used to play a lot together.
-Interest in romance at a young age or stereotypically "feminine" traits such as empathy, kindness, etc. I've always been more valued than my gender. I've always been more valued by my girl friends than my boy friends, who used to make fun of me because I was bad at sports or because I was "weird" (well, that could be attributed to neurodivergence).
-My family used to make fun of me because I wasn't "masculine" enough and I wasn't the male cliché.
-I appreciate "feminine" aesthetics much more than masculine ones. I love to see beautiful women's clothing and how it's made.
-I don't see love the same way my friends do. I have no sexual desire (I'm asexual) and I still see it as a kind of intense spiritual connection.
-When I see heterosexual romances, it disgusts me because they're usually ultra-stereotyped and clichéd. Queer romances excite me much more. And especially lesbian romances.
-I'll say it again: I love the "feminine" aesthetic: fushia colors, pink everywhere, etc. I like to dress in different clothes. I like to dress eccentrically.
-I take the button test (I'd change sex if I could).
-I'm indifferent to my body. It's just "fat" to me (depersonalization).
-Lately, since I've been asking myself this question, I've been dropping a lot of unintentional undertones related to transidentity.
-I play a "hyper-masculine" character who is a caricature of man in his most "primitive" instincts when no one is home to mock those same instincts. I feel like I'm forcing myself to be masculine. I also feel like I also mock myself for being a "insecure man" and a "man" basically.
-I'm a bit ashamed to admit this one, but I'm hypersensitive to being seen as feminine (probably because I've been put down about it since childhood). But it's at a stage where it's ridiculous (I've refused to see films because they were too "girly"... only to see them on the sly when no one sees me). I feel like I'm constantly repressing myself. I fear people thinking I’m not my gender (I was raised in an conservative house) and hating myself, but at the same time, I hate myself for not being able to just be proud of what I like and what I am. I think it’s because I just learned to hate what I am when if I accepted it, I wouldn’t be so triggered of being called "girly".
-I've had a conflict in my head between an "empathetic" version and a "hypermasculine over the top" version for about 4 years.
-Remember when I used to talk about a special romantic bond? I've always had this kind of bond with female fictional characters who have all these qualities, and I envy them for it. Especially the one about the samaritans.
-I feel that being a man will make me unhappy in the future because it will impose things on me that I don't want.
-being trans doesn’t really afraid me, it’s more the consequence and social repercussions that makes me anxious.
Now, the arguments against:
-I'm indifferent to my body, It doesn’t feel weird to have a penis even if I find it not really esthetic, I don't mind being seen as a man, even if since I had that thought about being maybe a trans, I've been embarrassed by being associated with the one. But before that, I didn't care.
-I have interests that are also stereotypically male (history/video games/philosophy/political science/computers/etc.).
-I've never wondered about that recently. I don't have gender dysphoria. It's just that I feel like I'm repressing my feminine side.
-I'm afraid of being a woman. People are ALL going to judge me, and I'll get imposter syndrome. But normally, you're supposed to be proud to express yourself as such.
-I have stereotypically masculine traits. Not a lot, but there are some: competition, wanting to be disciplined and so on.
-I like to make vulgar jokes or behave like a male cliché (I'm also putting this here because it can also be a "against" sign).
-I enjoy interacting with my male friends. I like to play into their sarcasm.
-Maybe it's just a sign of low self-esteem.
-I've only asked myself this question recently.
-I haven't felt any body dysfunction and my body seems to like testosterone.
-I behave too much like a "man" for my taste.
I apologize if this sounds a bit misogynistic or misandrist or cliché, but I wanted to be as authentic as possible in my description.
Thank you in advance for your response. I look forward to reading your opinions on it.

Context: My boyfriend (24) and I (24) of about 1.5 yrs) went to the same university but never met each other at the time. Both of us moved to the same city afterwards and ended up meeting through a dating app, our relationship history has been…tumultuous, he was just out of a relationship and wasn’t ready for one when we met. For months I pined after him whilst he was sleeping with/seeing other people, talking to his ex etc but eventually we became officially together.
Whilst our relationship was somewhat tainted by this beginning, we have been otherwise happy and love spending time together. Over the last few months though, he has made me aware (usually after I’ve asked a question/he’s been forced to rather than him volunteering the info) about some things that, had I known, I probably wouldn’t have entered into a relationship with him (such as sleeping with three girls who now date guys in his close friendship group). Not because I judge him for this, just a lot of unnecessary insecurity etc to deal with
More recently, he made me aware of some other things in his past that I haven’t been able to put aside, including sleeping with a woman after she told him she had a husband (apparently he is ok with it), getting down with one of his friend’s mum’s best friends at a party (she was married, husband didn’t know about this), having sex in club bathrooms and getting into a threesome. He attends functions with his uni friends constantly, also attended by multitudes of girls he’s slept with. None of these are heinous things, but I believe my anxiety stems from this not meeting the picture in my head of my “forever person”.
As an aside, I don’t believe myself to be sexually unexciting, but I prefer to experiment within my couple and won’t ever want to deviate from that. I have only been in long-term relationships, never had a one night stand (again, no judgement). But I am worried that he will want more, has a thing for older women, has a thing for MARRIED women etc…my head is swimming a bit. This anxiety is compounded by things happening in my personal life too but I am also wondering if we’re compatible in this sense.
He says he loves me, I’m more than enough etc and put lots of it down to wanting “quirky life experiences” but also..I’ve never had the desire to do any of these things, and still don’t. I accept him for his past, of course. But I want us both to be happy, feel secure, and be working towards a future with a partner who wants what they/i want.
Has anyone ever dealt with stuff like this before? What was your thought process? Am I just being irrationally insecure? Do people’s appetite for excitement change?
TLDR: boyfriend has an colourful past (for which I do not judge him) but I am doubtful of the security of our future because of it