Sorry if this was posted right as it happened, please feel free to direct link to an ongoing conversation I may have missed.
Do we think with the schedule change to marijuana, we finally might be able to start having better research on it? Does anyone know of any groups or companies looking to study interactions with other meds, pain relief compared to opioids, pregnancy use for nausea relief/impacts upon breastfeeding, long term cognitive or mental health impacts? I know there’s momentum in studying the effects of ketamine and mushrooms for ptsd and mental health; wondering if this will follow the trend or not.

I know this is unnecessarily long, so if you are not in the mood for reading, I understand. But I would greatly appreciate anyone who would take the time to read my story that is probably TMI and badly in need of some editing. I just really need some advice from people whose heads are less cloudy than mine.
My fiancé M/42 and I F41 have been together for about 4 years and have known each other since high school. I knew he was a recovering addict when I got together with him but I fell head over heels in love and didn’t see the relapse on the horizon that would occur shortly after the honeymoon phase and would eventually almost kill me - I took a swipe of some mystery powder and touched it to my tongue (fentanyl) thinking it would help me get through the most stressful day of my life as i was ceaning out his place while I was packing him up for detox. It was a total freak accident, I’m not an addict, never done anything like that in my life, I’m a single mom and a kindergarten teacher, but I loved him so much I just followed him down the rabbit hole and honestly just became so disoriented in this world I (naively) didn’t understand or even realize I had signed up for.
Anyway, He literally saved my life, and said I also saved his, because that day is what motivated him to get and stay clean for good despite being an active heroin addict for the majority of his life.
He worked an incredibly thorough program, and he gained more friends, money, and more overall success in 2 years than I’ve been able to scrounge up in an entire lifetime. And it’s no surprise honestly. He’s a special person. Absolutely brilliant, charismatic, driven, and has a heart of gold.
Within a year of getting sober, he moved me and my daughters into a gorgeous home adjacent to a golf course, bought luxury vehicles for both me and him, convinced me to quit my teaching job which was making me miserable, so I could finally be fully present for my girls, and then put a giant diamond ring on my left hand. He completely spoils us. We went from having nothing to having every tangible thing, we could possibly need.
The stability that he provided for us meant the world to a single mom who was barely making ends meet, but it was always just the icing on the cake for me. He’s my best friend in the world, he makes me laugh so hard my mouth hurts from smiling, he show me that he loves even the parts of myself that I don’t find lovable. I found my soulmate.
His program started slipping after 2 1/2 years (last November). He was already struggling in his role of being a stepfather, and we were fighting a lot about parenting stuff. He has a lot to learn, has little patience, and seems to have very unrealistic expectations of my kids. He wanted Parenting to be this effortless thing, and he just doesn’t get that it’s not. And that kids are not always going to behave themselves and that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with them. so we were fighting a lot.
In December, he started complaining about his chronic back pain again (a real issue for him as he’s had five back surgeries due to a snowboarding accident in his early 20s-this was during that height of Purdue Pharma and what got him hooked on pain meds)
While I know he was legitimately in pain, it was also a red flag because pain was the culprit for his last relapse. He decided to go in for a sixth surgery and was told he would have to wait three months. He found a surgeon who has made a lot of profit off of him over the years (as he’s a PI attorney) and was willing to prescribe him generous amounts of pain pills to get him through the three months of increasing pain that he was experiencing. He spent the next three months in bed, depressed, checking out, taking pills depressed, checking out- as I became increasingly suspicious that his behavior was much too loopy for the amount of medication he was being prescribed. I fell into the role of his nurse, and his babysitter. Making sure he didn’t text to nonsense to clients, making sure he didn’t fall and make his back worse, making sure he wasn’t interacting with the kids, etc
I knew he wasn’t being honest with me, but he just kept gaslighting me. It honestly felt like he was psychologically tormenting me, treating me as though I was totally paranoid, heartless and out of line. I thought after the surgery, it would finally get better. I made a promise that I would be there for him because he had never had anyone there for him for the previous surgeries and it had been a really traumatic experience for him in the past. I really stepped up and tried so hard to his rock. The hospital experience was horrific, mainly because no amount of diloted was relieving him of the pain. None of the nurses understood why he needed so much more than everyone else, but I think his tolerance had just become so high.
After that nightmare was finally over I was really counting on things getting better, as the plan was for him to taper off the meds, live pain-free, and get back to normal. It didn’t go that way. It just kept getting worse and no matter how many times I told him that I didn’t trust him he just had an excuse for an explanation for everything. He is a master manipulator and I listened to him do it to everyone, doctors, the pharmacist he formed a “friendship” with, literally everyone.
On Mother’s Day, it got to a point where he couldn’t hide it anymore. He disappeared for the day, Ended up, passing out at a gas station and was unreachable for hours, when he finally came home, the car was all fucked up and he claims it was someone else’s fault. He went straight to his home office and I didn’t see the rest of the night until I walked in on him smoking crushed up pills. After that, he confessed everything to me, including the time that he told me not to check the mail because he had a special surprise for me to thank me for all the love and support I gave him To help him through his surgery. it turned out he had drug dealers sending him drugs in the mail. Needless to say there was no surprise for me me. Just heartbreak and betrayal. I felt like a fool.
I was still processing this the next day when , after insisting on taking a photo of me in these designer sunglasses he purchased for me out of guilt. I asked him not to take my photo, because I had tears in my eyes, but he insisted. He was napping next to me and I opened his phone to erase the photo. we’ve always had each other’s passwords, and have looked through each others photos before for various reasons, sharing photos, etc. I cannot emphasize enough how much I trust his loyalty to me when it comes to anything other than drugs.
But for some reason, all of my photos, the ones I was taking on my phone were showing up in his feed. I was so confused, so I started scrolling through deleting unflattering double chin pictures of myself when I came across that menu photos organized based on face recognition. One of them was his ex. I remember him telling me he deleted all of his photos of her the first time he told me he loved me.
I opened it and scrolled through hundreds of pictures of their happy life together. The pictures got more and more sexual, one of her with her legs spread, another another of them in the bathtub together, her kissing him while he had his hands around her neck, another screenshot of her naked in the shower with a thumbnail shot of him in the corner obviously jerking off to her on FaceTime. Because I’m a masochist I decided to take it one step further and look in his video folder. I found a There I found a thumbnail shot if a close-up of him penetrating her. I watched it and it just completely crushed whatever was left of me.
I’m normally a really passive person, and I just completely lost my mind. I reacted as though I had caught him cheating on me. I just couldn’t handle the physical evidence of such a close up shot of him being inside another woman. It’s stupid because I know, like me, he has a past. Obviously he’s been with other women. Obviously he’s been attracted to them. But it just scarred my brain, I literally haven’t even been able to eat since because I’ve been so nauseous. I know it’s ridiculous, because this is a reality I was well aware existed, but seeing it with my own eyes… I don’t know what to say. Other than that I need a lobotomy.
He says he erased all of those videos and photos from his phone, and something weird happened where all of his photos from the cloud just re-uploaded when he got a new phone. He’s not a technical person and I actually believe him because, aside from being a complete liar when it comes to drugs, he has always show me the upmost, integrity, love and loyalty. So it’s not that I don’t believe him. I just can’t get that image out of my head.
I can’t tell if this intense emotional reaction I’m having would be the same reaction anyone would have if they saw what I saw, or if I’m combining the feelings of betrayal over the gaslighting and the relapse…, the last four months of feeling completely invisible, hopeless, and like he was choosing drugs over me. My mind is like mush and I seriously can’t differentiate between these two very separate issues. I’m so confused, but that’s what gaslighting does to you. It makes you question your reality.
He said that he’s finally willing to go into detox, so at this point, I have waited this long, it would be silly not to stick around and see if he’s finally going to put an end to this. What’s getting me is that he’s still making excuses, still not seeming very remorseful, and is still so deep in self-pity that he doesn’t seem to have any awareness of how badly I’m hurting because of him. It feels like he just doesn’t care. anyone who’s ever loved an addict knows that feeling well.
I’m in Al-anon, and I’m well aware of all of the things I should be doing, focusing on myself, etc. but I’m just not doing well, and I can’t seem to find my way out of this dark hole. Anyone who has made it this far deserves some sort of a Reddit badge of honor. This was more of an autobiography than a simple question. I just wanna hear some outside input because I don’t trust my own mind right now. I’m willing to take your criticism, just please be kind. I know I’ve made mistakes, I’m just hurting so badly. I can’t seem to sort through this. Thank you so much if you took the time to read all of this and still want to respond. You have no idea how much it means to me.

Here we are again in the shit stew that is the Fallowveil trailer park. We’ve got soul eating strippers, jobs that kill us, and plenty of weirdos, both the trailer trash and the potentially paranormal variety. It’s the place where even your own computer sometimes threatens to kill you. I can’t tell if I should be worried, or annoyed that all my neighbors have such irresponsible web habits. I know it’s not me that brings in all these machine wiping viruses.
So even though I got a system error that literally said “you’re useless and you should die” I’m less interested in that. Stupid thing. Like I don’t already know I’m useless. That’s not what I’m depressed about.
Well… I suppose it's tangentially related.
I hope anyone reading will forgive me. I’m feeling the sting of rejection right now. It was really stupid of me to ask. Especially now. Nobody here really likes me. They’ve only been nice to me as a courtesy because I was almost involved in a god damn shootout. And my idiot self decided that was the perfect time to push one of my few friends all the way away. Never ask your friends out on dates. It ruins everything.
So there’s this woman. I’ve talked about her in the past. Trista Ramone. She lives in the far back corner of the trailer park. You can instantly tell which unit is hers because she’s covered every square inch of the property with gardens and a rabbit hutch. The place usually has beads and colorful flags hanging on its walls as well. She’s kind of a right winger’s nightmare. I know some of those flags represent various lgbtq plus communities.
She and I have been friendly in the past. We’re both night shift workers. We crossed paths quite a bit going to and from work so we struck up a friendship over the years.
Let’s just ripped the band aid off. Recently I’ve started thinking I had… stronger feelings for Trista. I got stupid and decided to tell her about them. She wasn’t interested. I get why. We have very different lifestyles. I like meat, and she thinks the meat industry is murder. I’m not willing to give up meat, and she’s not willing to give up her beliefs. It's as simple as that. Now things are incredibly awkward with one of my closer friends and I’m still spiraling into self loathing, where I belong.
She swore up and down that she absolutely still wants to be friends with me, but I’m not sure I believe her. The look she gave me when I told her I’d like to ask her out. It looked like sadness, but a small part of me is convinced it was pity, or worse, disgust and loathing, and that small part gave me ever shuts the fuck up. But anyway, she gave me permission to write about her.
She is one of the creepy fixtures of our little neighborhood after all. She told me to make her seem as insane and scary as I possibly could and that she should get to kill me at the end. She also handed me a few of her high school yearbooks, advised me to chat with another neighbor of ours who she went to school with, and to only use creepy rumors for the rest.
Part of me is really willing to describe her as awful, but that’s just my anger. I don’t like that part of me. Trista’s not a bad person at all. She’s just weird and she doesn’t want to date me. God damn it, Petunia’s right. I need therapy.
So, I’ve told the story of the sexy, scary lady living in a polycule here in the trailer park. I think she’s got a bigger heart than she lets on. I’ve talked about the stories surrounding the Schroeder Slaughterhouse. Now let’s talk about the hippy everyone thinks is a vampire.
She’s a taller woman, maybe five-seven or eight, and she’s skinny. Her typical wardrobe is… interesting. Try to imagine your typical new-age hippy/stoner girl, wearing colorful sarongs, crop-tops, beanies, baggy sweaters, T-shirts with colorful sayings on them, sandals, boots woven from some sort of exotic plant, beaded necklaces, bracelets, a few too many piercings and some intricate tattoos. Can you picture that kind of person? Well, take that and dip them in “goth” dye. Everything is black, and contrasts to her pale white complexion, her eyes are this unusual violet color, and then make the woman wearing all that seem kind of depressed about something. That’s the look Trista has going on. Like if Wednesday Addams was forced to dress up for Hippy Day.
I’ve heard people call her an emo vampire, but as a former emo myself, she doesn’t fill out all the criteria. She doesn’t typically wear any super tight pants or cake on the eyeshadow. I guess she’s just Trista. It might sound weird (and it is) but the whole thing suits her. Her style, tattoos, and complexion all create this image of skinny vampiric waif with a mysterious past and a freaky sarcastic attitude and I found the whole thing… kinda hot.
Trista keeps to herself. She’s made the most out of her little corner of the trailer park. Like I said, she decked out her unit with garden squares, and a Rabbit pen. No idea why she’s allowed to do that. A lot of these places don’t allow pets. I heard she was also trying to put in a beehive too, but her neighbors are fighting her on that one. Our park is a bit too condensed for bees. She has a permit to grow hemp, but of course it’s not for recreational use. She treats it and uses it to weave things like handbags, clothes, and other stuff. There’s a consignment store in town that sells all kinds of things Trista has crafted herself. So she’s handy and self sufficient too. She paints, she carves wood, she weaves, she crochets, she sews, and who knows what else. She’s so good at her little crafts that apparently she’s able to support herself just selling them and working part time at the Moonlight Inn outside of town.
She’s also relatively friendly. I almost feel bad calling her weird, but here’s the thing, I’ve seen some REALLY weird shit. People jokingly call her a vampire, and she seems to embrace that, but part of me seriously wonders. The big clue is, like I mentioned, she’s completely nocturnal. She’s always asleep during the day, and every blind and curtain is drawn tight. The one time she came out during the day, she had on this full body suit with a helmet with UV glass and everything. Even then, she only showed up to give Petunia a hug, before leaving again.
That was the first time I saw Trista, come to think of it. I was kind of intrigued. It was kind of hard not to be when someone shows up to a community cookout in a freaking astronaut suit. I approached Petunia after she left.
“Who the heck was that?” I wondered.
“MASON! I’m so glad you could make it! You’ve been here about three months now! How’d that job interview go?”
“Oh. It went well. I might be doing janitorial work soon.”
“Night shift?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“If it’s the night shift, you’ll definitely meet the person who just left. That’s Trista. She’s the girl with the rabbits in the far corner. Poor girl. She’s got a really bad skin condition. Can’t let sunlight touch her.”
“Oh. Is she like… albino or something?”
“No, she’s got pigment. I don’t remember what the condition is called. I guess it started in high school or something. You’d have to ask her. And hey! If you work the night shift, you’ll probably get to chat with her!”
Petunia wasn’t wrong. I started working as a nighttime janitor for a number of local businesses. That was when I first started noticing the pale goth hippy. She rides around on a moped, with her dark hair and her sarong barely billowing behind her. I couldn’t see her face through the helmet, but she waved to me as she passed by.
The next time I saw her, she was jogging, but here’s where it gets weird. When I first stepped outside, all I saw was a blur. It actually startled me as I whipped toward it, but then there was this skinny tattooed pixie, somehow still looking like a stonehippy/vampire in jogging gear. I swear she was moving inhumanly fast when I first noticed her. That was when we introduced ourselves. She actually jogged over to say hello.
“Hey! You’re the new guy right?”
“Oh, uh, yeah. My name’s Mason!” I reached out to shake the pretty girl’s hand, like an awkward loser. She smirked and shook my hand. Her grip was weirdly strong, and a bit cold.
“I’m Trista. I’m the weirdo in the back with the rabbits.”
“Trista… oh, are you the one who has a thing with sunlight? I think Petunia mentioned you.”
“Yup! That’s me. Xerodoma pigmentosum. Sunlight hurts. I hate that it hurts.” She lamented.
“That’s gotta be rough,” I said sympathetically.
“You get used to it. You work at night?”
“Yeah. Works better for me.”
“I get that.”
And so on and so on. She’s pretty cool, with a bit of hilarious snark in there. And she secretly procured recreational weed she was willing to share. I kept working the night shift just hoping for another chance to talk to her and possibly buy a joint. Eventually she invited me over to share a joint. The inside of her place was actually pretty sparse and spartan compared to the outside. Though she was a fan of hanging beads. Most of the main room was taken up by her various crafting projects and supplies. Hemp weaves, some paintings, and even a wood carving of what I think was a rabbit, but it wasn’t anywhere near complete.
I followed her to her kitchen where she reached into the very back of her pantry and pulled out a shoebox. Inside was her stash, but there was something else which I found very strange. It was a pack of syringes and a thing I assume is to sterilize syringes. I know what you’re thinking, and that was my first thought too. It’s a poor neighborhood, the woman already smokes weed illegally, it’s not that big a shock that maybe she was involved in other drugs too. I decided not to ask at the time. We shared our joint, and we laughed, a lot. She made fun of me for being a lightweight, while I got completely hypnotized staring at the patterns of a shawl she had woven.
Months went by and we got closer, but I couldn’t forget those syringes. After a while I got worried. I’ve seen what heroine does to people. So the next time I went over to smoke and eat (vegan) pizza with her, I asked.
“Trista? Are you using anything other than weed?”
“Drugs?”
“Yeah.”
“No. Why?”
“You can tell me if you are.”
“Mason, sweetheart, I’m a stoner. I don’t fuck around with anything else and I never have.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Okay. Can I ask what that set of syringes are for?”
“Oh. In my stash box? Those are… part of my condition. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh. Is it like… embarrassing?”
“Yeah. So don’t ask. Can we just watch a movie?”
So I don't ask anymore. But I still have no idea what she does with those syringes. Based on what I read about that Xerodoma Pigmentosum thing she says she has, I have no clue what she would need to inject herself with.
Another time she asked me to check on her rabbits for her during the day, as her usual “sitter” had something come up. All I had to do was chop up the lettuce and carrots she left out. As I was enjoying the adorable fluffy faces, one of Trista’s neighbors, a woman named Bridget, poked her head outside her door.
“Hey. Do you know what Trista injects those rabbits with?”
“I… what?”
“I’ve seen her use syringes on those rabbits. She said she was just giving them medicine, but I swear I see her inject them every week.”
“I… I wouldn't know. She just asked me to feed them.”
“I love Trista, but that always seemed so weird. She has to know vaccines are a hoax!” I tuned the woman out after that one. My mind was on that set of syringes. Why would she be using them on rabbits? These things were her pets.
I was starting to crush on her by then. But I couldn’t help feeling weirded out by that. I was actually going to confront her, but the next time I came to visit, she was literally inside the Rabbit hutch, on her back, squealing with delight as her rabbit friends nuzzled and played with her.
“Bonnibelle! That tickles! Marcy! No chewing. Finn? Watch where you’re sticking that foot! Jake? Where are you? EEEEE Lumpy! Not the neck!”
It was as silly and adorable as it sounds. She was forced to whip herself upright when two of her little friends tried to burrow under her dress. She finally stood up with a laugh, cradling a rabbit in her arms and cooing at it.
There was just no way in hell this woman was doing anything that would hurt these animals. Bridget is a paranoid antivax weirdo anyway. If Trista was using syringes on the rabbits, I was convinced it was only for their benefit.
So life went on. I got more and more reclusive over the years. Petunia, Trista, and my next door neighbor Fred were the only things keeping me remotely connected to the outside. And so we get to now. So let’s see. What are the stories about the weird vampire woman?
Well, there’s the fact that she jogs at night, solo, in a poor neighborhood. Petunia keeps the shitty people contained and behaving for the most part, but I still wouldn’t exactly call it safe, especially for a young skinny woman. But she does it without a care in the world.
There’s one strange event that some people like to connect to this. I never knew this guy, but from what I hear he was a total weirdo who leered at anyone even remotely female. And this is despite the fact he was married. His name was Josh.
I remember him a bit. He’s the guy that Petunia chased away from one of her barbecues. Supposedly he was heard saying inappropriate things to the groups of ten year old girls that were playing in the bounce house Petunia rented. Telling them how pretty they were. Trying to coax them to take off their jackets. Police reports were filed but ultimately nothing could be proven. The guy's wife, Carole, always defends him for some reason.
But anyway, I remember hanging out with Trista one night a little over a year ago. She hadn’t gone jogging like she normally did. I asked her what was up with that.
“That weirdo, Josh has started catcalling when I pass his place. It weirds me out.”
“There aren’t other people who do that at night? I’m still shocked you jog alone.”
“Not like this. I can flip off a wolf whistler. But this guy… he keeps trying to get me to stop and talk to him, and when I don’t? He shouts about my ass. I’m gonna have to talk to Petunia about that shithead, if anybody can reign him in, it’s her.”
I’m gonna guess she never got a chance. Two days later, the whole town was awoken by sirens. I was getting ready for my shift when I heard them. I walked down the road a bit to see if I could figure out what was going on. The cops were heading toward the other side of the park, so I couldn’t see much. But I did notice Trista, in her jogging gear, skulking in the shadows. I wondered if she was in trouble. But before I could call out to her, she sprinted straight to Petunia's house and banged on the door. Petunia welcomed her inside, and that was all I saw. I still wasn’t sure what was going on, so I just shrugged and headed to work, figuring I’d text Trista later.
I didn’t learn till later that Josh was found dead. He was lying prone, face down, partly hidden by bushes at the edge of the park. His neck was cut open. He’d bled out rapidly. He had a knife in his hand, and officially it’s believed he fell on it and accidentally killed himself. There was a cocktail of drugs in his system so most people accept that explanation. But others swear they saw Trista out for her jog around the same time Josh would have been bleeding to death. She got questioned, and she swore she didn’t see anything. Without evidence, there was nothing else that could be proven.
Trista’s a friend. I know that guy was being creepy to her. So I’m happy to take her word for what happened, even if my seeing her going to Petunia’s pokes a bit of a hole in that. I can’t be sure it was Trista though. So I’m not saying a word. But if a certain creep attacked a certain lady who is rumored to be a vampire, it’s not that surprising to me that he ended up dead after bleeding to death. I’m not all that broken up about it.
I’m not the one spreading that story. Josh’s wife was the one who started the rumor. So now some people are even more convinced that the weird nocturnal hippy chick is secretly a vampire.
She’s no killer. No matter what they say. She would only have defended herself.
So that’s all the stories I’ve heard that have any credibility to them. There’s more people who swear she and Petunia perform weird rituals, and people who saw her moving “inhumanly fast” and such.
But now I have to share what I found in the yearbooks Trista gave me. I wasn’t really expecting much. I checked her senior yearbook out first. She looks about the same. Pale, goth, hippy, and sort of sad. She kind of looks even sadder in these photos if I’m being honest, but that’s high school for you. She graduated in the top half of her class, no sports or extracurriculars. I’m left wondering how she managed to go to school at the time of sun was so bad for her. I’ll have to ask her about that. So nothing really new there.
It was the yearbook from her junior year where things got really interesting. I was in shock when I found her. Trista is somehow impossible to miss, but unrecognizable all at once. She’s full of color! She wore more typical tie dye hippy attire. Bright vibrant pinks, reds, blues, greens, and yellows, in every photo, and holy shit was she busy. Captain of the soccer team, first chair flutist, president of the “green living” club and the “vegan alliance,” top ten in her class, it was all incredible. I think the main reason I didn’t recognize her was her skin. It was tan, as though she were out in the sun a lot. Furthermore there were photos of her playing sports and standing outside in bright sunlight.
It was like her disease wasn’t there, which confused me. She told me it was something called Xeroderma Pigmentosa. But that’s a genetic condition. She would have had that from birth.
I sent her a text, wondering about this.
- Hey! Just went through your yearbooks. What happened? You had color? Did you discover Linkin Park?
- My disease happened. Right at the end of Jr. year. That’s why I wasn’t there for the final class photo.
- But your disease is genetic… isn’t it?
- I guess it was dormant in me.
- So it just… happened?
- Pretty much.
- I’m sorry.
- I got over it. Mostly. It was hard. My parents were both hardcore vegan naturalists and we lived in a place that was all natural light and such, so I had to live in a shed for a bit while they built a space for me. But in my family? We kinda lean into whatever life throws at us. It took months of depression to come to terms with it. All of a sudden I couldn’t be out in the sun, and I had new dietary needs that absolutely required non-vegan sources. So I leaned into it. I was a vampire now. I can dig dark colors and “vampire style.” I could make it my own by avoiding leather. And I’d be as vegan as I possibly could.
- You’re kind of awesome.
- Damn straight. So I learned to love the night too and now, here I am.
I gained new respect for her after that. Frankly I feel kinda shitty about making fun of her for being a vampire. There might not be anything paranormally weird about her after all.
She sent me one more text telling me I should talk to a guy named Frankie. She’d gone to school with him. He’s a decent enough guy. Works in the Bicounty mall in town.
I had to wait a day or two for another of Petunia’s get togethers to talk to him.
“Hey!” I said awkwardly as I tried to figure out how to strike up conversation with someone I haven’t really spoken to in a long time. “Frankie, right?”
“Oh. Yeah. Been a while. How are you Mason? You okay after that whole thing at Red Nights?”
“I’m trying to be. Look, I’ll cut to the chase. You went to school with Trista Ramone, right?”
“Ol’ Boho Ramone? Yeah. We were sort of friendly. But I was a jerk to vegans back then. Why do you ask?”
“I’ve been hanging out with her. She’s being all mysterious.” He chuckled at that. “She said I should talk to you to learn more about her… weirdness? Everyone thinks she’s a vampire now.”
“She’s totally a vampire. I have no idea what else to call her?”
“Why do you say that?”
“What did she tell you about school?”
“Nothing. She just showed me two yearbooks. Between Junior and Senior year she went from colorful club president, to lonely vampire, because of her disease.”
“Nah man. I don’t want to talk bad about her. But she was kind of a bitch, junior year. She wasn’t just a colorful vegan. She was one of those “holier than thou” types who scoffed and talked down to anyone who dared to eat meat. Her “hippy” thing meant she never hung out with the popular girls but still, she acted like she owned the place at times. I was friends with this weird guy named Steven Jones. He was just kind of a weirdo. Skulking around in the background, you know? He HATED Trista. For a while I totally understood. I thought she was kinda stuck up. But this guy was like… irrationally enraged by that girl’s existence. I guess he tried to ask her out when he was a freshman and she politely declined. But he took that shit personally.”
“Huh. So like… why’s that matter?”
“Because Steven kept saying to anyone who gave him a second look, that he was gonna ‘ruin’ her. Never elaborated. But then the last month of school rolls around, Trista gets assaulted by an unknown assailant and a week later she’s got this new disease. Meanwhile, Steven spent a week strutting around the school looking smug, and saying ‘she got what she deserved.’ Then he disappears too. Teachers said he moved away.”
“She was assaulted?”
“Yeah. Someone in a face wrap tackled her while she was at one of her protests at the meat factory. The dude freaking BIT her.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah. I was there. I came to the protest. I’ll admit I was trying to hit on Trista or one of the other girls there. But yeah. Dude dressed in all gray with a face wrap just charged in and went right for Trista. Knocked her down, bit her like a freaking zombie, then ran away before anyone could stop him. Didn’t even take his face wrap off. It was freaky, man.”
“What the actual fuck.”
“That’s what we all said. Trista needed a stitch. But while she was at the hospital, I guess she started getting more symptoms. She was out for the rest of the year. From then on, she was like she is now. Total vampire.”
“Was Steven a vampire?”
“I dunno. Probably. Little dickhead is what he is. Must have been him that attacked Trista, but nobody could prove it. Bite mark didn’t match or something. So why are you asking? You hang out with her at night right? You asking her out or something?”
“Oh. No. Just a friend.”
That was all I really learned from Frankie. It’s quite a story, and it’s full of unknowns that Trista refuses to explain. So I guess I’ll let readers be the judge. Is she a “real” vampire? Or just a weirdo? All I know is, she’s totally standing behind me right now and now I’m dead. Bleh.
I did come back to life to talk to Trista once I finished writing this. She enjoyed it. I may as well include that interaction.
I went to her place on my night off. She read my take on her and what the neighbors thought and she grinned. “Ha! I’m a total monster!” She chuckled. “So. What do YOU think, Mason? Am I a vampire?” She cocked an eye and playfully gnashes her teeth at me, making a pleasant little click.
I sighed. “No idea. You’re Trista. And… you’re my friend. I’m sorry if I made things awkward.”
She looked surprised by that. “Aw. Thanks Mason. You’re my friend too. It’s okay. I’m flattered.”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“So we’re cool?”
“Absolutely not. We’re both weird shut ins.” She laughed. It was good to hear her laugh. It made me happy.
“Yeah but I got the ‘mysterious vampire’ thing going.”
“You have dirt in your hair from rolling around with bunnies. And you’re a vegan.”
“Bite me.”
“Says the vampire.”
“You know, if I were a vampire, I could have bitten you when we both went to the slaughterhouses a few weeks ago.”
“That just makes me stupid.”
“You’re not stupid, Mason. You’re not a loser either.”
“So. You know of any other good spooky town stories that I can do next?
“Oh, sure. You ever heard the tale of Salome? She was a witch who would mash up the seeds of a Sinapis Alba plant to make a diabolical potion she’d dump on herself. They called her the ‘Witch of the Sands.’”
I’m embarrassed to admit it took me four days to realize Trista was just fucking with me. I only figured it out when I looked up Sinapis Alba and learned that mashing the seeds just makes mustard. “Salomi the sand-witch.” Well played, vampire hippy…
Sexy Neighbor
Haunted Slaughterhouse

Hi all, I know I should be seeking some professional help about this issue if it's worrying me so much, but I am in a foreign country without immediate access to resources, unfortunately.
Okay, so I (28M) had my first psychotic episode about four years ago. I have long been an on/off-again heavy drug user, with opiates being my drug of choice, but I've done other things because I cannot control my opiate use. During the holidays in 2020, I went on a five-day binge of heavy drinking, smoking marijuana, taking Xanax, ketamine, MDMA, and cough syrup with about half a dozen friends. As the bender went on, more and more people stopped coming over, but I just kept going.
Once it was time to get my shit together and get back to work, I had an intense psychotic episode. I am not sure if it is as intense as some folks here have had, but basically, I was seeing my thoughts before they occurred visually. Especially when I closed my eyes. My thoughts would flash really fast and it would not at all, and I ended up not sleeping for about three days. Each day, the symptoms got more intense and I felt that if my sleep deprivation got to a certain point, I would lose my connection to reality. But I also was too afraid to interact with anyone for that entire period and just stayed in my room.
About one year later, I had another episode after I was binging liquor and Xanax hard for a few weeks. But it also was brought on by a falling out with an ex of mine. I locked myself in my apartment for a week and was convinced that she was going to kill me. I didn't sleep for four days straight, and I was convinced that she was turning on lights or tapping on my windows at night. I was having some mild hallucinations, seeing shadows in the corner of my eye. I wanted to try and remain sober through it, but I had a wine collection and thought to myself that if I had a few drinks it could calm me down and help me sleep; however, I had a delusion that drinking would lower my inhibition and I would end up killing myself. It eventually subsided with lingering symptoms, ie, thinking people in public were staring at me or talking about me.
I snapped out of this episode a few days later and then went to a jam session in the city I was living, only to have intense paranoia on stage. My therapist ended up arranging a hospital visit for me, where the psychiatrist there told me that I was having a panic attack and that I was repressing it, leading to physical symptoms, namely my blood pressure being at stroke level. The doctor also did not believe there was any evidence that drugs triggered this episode.
Lastly, about two years ago, after I had begun injecting Oxycodone for a year at that point, I went to detox at my parents house. We got into a bullshit argument (my sister accused me of harassing her, even though I didn't) and my parents, already skeptical of me, kicked me out of their house. I had an intense delusion the entire time and on the way back home that there was a conspiracy against me and that I was destined to die from drugs and had no other choice. (I ended up remaining in active addiction for the next year). I did not have any delusions or delusions such that I could not interact with people.
I recently got treatment over the past year and ended up moving out of the country I was in where drugs were available, and even got engaged. But last week, after some drinking, I had a depressive episode where I was sleeping almost all day for about five days. My fiancee kept trying to talk to me about every half an hour, which started to make me paranoid. I felt like I was reaching a tipping point and losing my grounding with reality and I begged her to please leave me alone, but she wouldn't and refused to. I ended up passing through that phase, and her father, a doctor, prescribed my Prozac, which has really helped my mind and stopped my intrusive thoughts.
I am wondering if my episodes seem like extreme anxiety or are genuine psychosis. I am also wondering if I should be seeking care for this, or if it's just a fluke from heavy drug use. Me and my fiancee are also thinking of moving soon to a country where mental health care is very underdeveloped. I am worried that if I have an episode that she won't be helpful and might even push me over the edge. Any way I can help explain my concerns to her?
TL;DR: I think I might have a deeper mental illness with psychotic episodes but I'm not sure. My partner also doesn't understand what I'm going through.

(continuation of part 4)
I already considered this piece the second greatest musical evidence for Clerith after the London Symphony Orchestra’s Final Fantasy VII Symphony’s second movement “Words Drowned by Fireworks” and its guide, but now that I know about the Clerith reunion that was baked into the ending, the gap between the two is narrower. Each time I hear Cloud begin to call out for Aerith in part 3 (3:04), I immediately start crying. It sounds so much to me like Cloud’s voice in the dark saying “Aerith…?”, meek and scared. If you’ve read everything so far, you know how long Cloud has been looking for Aerith, lost without her, searching relentlessly for decades in real-life time. Through FFT, DFF, Advent Children, MFF x FFVII… all of it spent looking for his Promised Land. In OG, Cloud was so tormented by Jenova’s manipulation and so consumed by the chase for Sephiroth that he could not realize what or how much he felt for her until she was taken away forever. The piece we’ve just analyzed tells the story of Cloud and Aerith intertwining and separating against their will, and you can truly feel Cloud’s anxiety as he struggles to wrench Aerith out of fate’s cruel grasp. Perhaps it is because of Aerith’s ultimately fatal responsibility, inherited from her mother, that this iteration of her theme is called “The Cetra”.
Though in part 5, Cloud and Aerith reunite… could this reunion symbolize their meeting again in Remake, or something more permanent? I think it’s meant to leave us wondering.
I’m very sensitive to music, and as I’m typing this, I’m crying a bit. I wanted to share my interpretation of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” with you very badly, because it makes me feel so much and really enhances Clerith’s story. I’m overjoyed to have found out about the reunion at the very end. And it’s all because you guys showed love for my last analysis! You guys are giving me gifts every day.
V. b) i. 3) Combined Analysis
Please listen to and watch the scene of Cloud’s MOTF 6 (4:21-8:46) again, and consider section “V. b) i. 2)”. What is Uematsu telling us? Similarly to how main world theme of FFVII informs us that Jenova is sabotaging Cloud’s identity far before it becomes a plot point in OG, “Aerith’s theme - The Cetra” is telling us what not even Remake Cloud consciously knows at this point: he’s been searching desperately for her, and fears losing her once more.
As if that wasn’t proof enough, the timing of the shots and musical phrases is absolutely damning. Recall that part 3 of “Aerith’s theme - The Cetra” specifically symbolizes Cloud’s anxiety surrounding Aerith’s safety. It is this particular part of the piece that plays for the entirety of Aerith’s allusions to her murderers and her death (7:25-7:54), including the very moment where “Cloud feels his chest constrict tightly” (7:51-7:54). What’s more, part 5 the piece, which specifically Cloud freeing Aerith from the restraints of fate, coincides with the moment Tifa grabs Aerith’s hand and pulls her out from the circle of Whispers closing in on her (8:42-8:45). This moment leads me to believe that the reunion in part 5 of the piece indeed symbolizes Cloud succeeding (perhaps with Tifa’s help) in saving Aerith from her tragic fate and reuniting with her for good.
It’s heart-wrenching and brilliant. Our theory stands strong.
V. b) ii. Credits: Piece Inclusion
I find it very telling that the character themes included in the credits of Remake are Cloud’s “Hollow” (0:00-5:24), an orchestral arrangement of Aerith’s theme (5:24-9:24), and an orchestral arrangement of the main world theme, (9:24-14:27) which of course includes Cloud’s true theme. No other character themes appear during the rest of the credits (14:27-18:09). This is telling: the credits are communicating to us that Remake is about Cloud and Aerith. Our Mission Theory only gets stronger.
V. b) iii. Showing Relationships Through Music: Intermingling Character Themes
This doesn’t have to do with the Mission, but here’s a pretty good anti-Cloti argument while we’re here.
As shown in section “V. a) i.” where we explored the roles of Cloud, Jenova and Sephiroth’s themes within the FFVII world theme, the way character themes interact in a piece can tell you a lot about those characters’ relationships. This is certainly the case in “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” as well (see section “V. b. ii. 2)”).
I’d like to mention that in all of my listening to the Remake OST and rewatching playthroughs of Remake, I’ve never encountered a single piece that united Cloud and Tifa’s themes. Not once. Let alone a piece that depicts them as intimately or emotionally as “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” depicts Cloud and Aerith. Even the most Cloti cutscenes in Remake aren’t supported by pieces mixing or even juxtaposing Cloud and Tifa’s themes. I can’t find any of Cloud’s motifs anywhere during the orchestral arrangement of Tifa’s theme that plays during her resolution scene in chapter 14. I can’t find either of their motifs in the track the plays when Cloud calls Tifa beautiful at Seventh Heaven in chapter 3. A motif from Tifa’s theme does appear in the track that plays during the childhood promise scene in chapter 4, (0:00-0:25), but it never plays at the same time as or even near Cloud’s motifs (1:23-1:47 and 2:03-2:29). They’re distant or otherwise unaffiliated.
The only exception is that an altered version of Cloud’s theme’s section A phrase 1 appears in the background of Tifa’s theme (1:17-1:23). This symbolizes her connection to Cloud and how much of her attention and worry revolve around him— a reference to how she cares so much that it borders on dependency. Of course, it doesn’t go both ways: Tifa isn’t in Cloud’s theme at all. To me, this lack of reciprocity concerning the inclusion of Cloud’s motif in Tifa’s theme signifies that the only time Cloud and Tifa are together is in her head. She does think about him a lot, which we witness in her chapter of Trace of Two Pasts. Tifa loses sleep over him even two years after he left Nibelheim, despite the fact that she barely knew him at all:

“The moment she heard the word “Soldier”, the few memories she had with Cloud Strife came flooding back. He never contacted her after they parted ways two years ago […]. She tossed and turned all night. When she counted them again, her memories with Cloud were so surprisingly few that others might find it hard to believe that they grew up as next-door neighbors” (Trace of Two Pasts, translated by pekotranslates on Tumblr).

FFVII Remake Ultimania also comments on the superficial nature of Cloud and Tifa’s water tower promise, and how regardless of its naïveté, it became fundamental to Tifa:

“Though rooted in a jejune heroine fantasy of being rescued in a pinch by her hero, this promise is clearly etched in Tifa’s memory” (Tifa’s profile in section 01 of “Character & World”, “An Enduring Childhood Promise” in “Topics of Tifa” page 20).

You could argue that “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” is only one song wherein Cloud and Aerith’s themes interweave, but you’d be proven wrong by the Rebirth OST…
V. c) The Rebirth OST
Unfortunately, the full Rebirth OST isn’t out and available where I can listen to it right now. However, based solely on the incomplete OST that’s available to me right now, I can tell you with certainty that the composers were told to incorporate Clerith into the musical storytelling: Cloud and Aerith’s themes intermingle in multiple pieces. I can’t imagine what else I’ll discover once I listen to the full OST. For now, I checked out what was available on YouTube and listened to cutscene audios. This section would be eternal if I included every time Cloud and Aerith’s motifs interact, especially in chapter 14. Trust me, I’d love to talk about every single one, but this thing is long enough already, so let’s just address what pertains to our Mission Theory specifically rather than stopping at every single Clerith reference in the OST.
V. c) i. Ending Cutscene Music
Ending cutscenes are often used to address the next step the characters will be taking as well as their emotional and mental state. They also open up new questions to make the player curious. Indeed, Rebirth’s ending cutscene (18:56-25:00) gives us an impression of how the party members feel by the end of the game: everyone misses Aerith. Barret looks upset and confused at the mention of her (19:35-19:45), the girls are crying and Nanaki is mourning (19:58-20:35). Additionally, we are shown the empty White Materia and Black Materia in Cloud’s possession (20:40-21:24), foreshadowing that they will come to be important in part 3. Cloud and Aerith share a warm goodbye, and exchange promises: Aerith will send smoke signals if something happens to her so a worried Cloud can remain updated on her well-being and she will stop Meteor, and Cloud will stop Sephiroth (23:00-25:00). The fact that this scene is animated in CGI is enough to tell us that the devs consider it narratively important, just like they do Bugenhagen’s observatory and the party’s advance into the Forgotten Capital CGI cutscenes. What did the composers decide to communicate with us about the end of Rebirth and the plot going forward?
Big surprise: Clerith.
During the entire cutscene, only two themes play: Cloud’s and Aerith’s. The cutscene’s music begins only when Cloud notices Aerith among the party members and begins watching her (19:21). She interacts with the rest of the party without their knowledge, different segments of her theme playing one after another. Her theme only stops when Cloud finally looks away from her and to the empty White Materia in his hand (20:45). The music focuses on the mystery and ominousness of these materia, only returning to Aerith once Cloud hears her voice and repeats her message to the party (21:30).
Cloud’s theme appears when he asserts that Barret needn’t worry about him (section A of Cloud’s true theme, 22:41), though soft and tentative, only swelling when Barret and Tifa climb aboard the Tiny Bronco and Cloud finds himself alone with Aerith again (22:57). As he asks Aerith if “[she’ll] be okay getting back” (23:08), the final phrase of section A of his theme plays, but without its concluding note, the tonic. He waits for her to answer him as his theme waits for hers to complete and answer it, that final note dragging long over the seconds (23:09-23:13). She answers with a teasing remark that references their unwillingness to part from each other back in Remake’s Evergreen Park:

“[Cloud has] a chat with Aerith, from whom he’s reluctant to part” (chapter 9 in section 04 “Scenario”, “Main Story Digest”, “4. Saying Goodbye”, page 275)”.

As soon as Aerith answers Cloud’s question with this romantic callback, her theme answers his too: section C of Aerith’s theme begins with the key’s tonic, resolving Cloud’s incomplete phrase (23:13): she gives him resolution. He chuckles, getting her reference, and the music swells (23:16). The music ebbs and flows thusly, following the rhythms and underlying emotions of their conversation. Finally, the piece ends with phrase 2 of of section A of Cloud’s true theme, following a strong repetition of the first half of Aerith’s theme’s section A. The two make their promises to each other, and “No Promises to Keep” begins, leading us to the credits. This is most definitely a Clerith song, but more on that later.
What this shows us is that Cloud and Aerith’s relationship is fundamental to the plot of Rebirth and will also be fundamental to the plot of part 3: they are isolated one one-on-one in this cutscene, and the music depicts their warm, sweet interaction as well as the strength of Aerith’s character to contrast with Cloud’s somewhat meek personality. The composers are telling us that these two, specifically, together alone, are hugely important to the plot here. This was already true in OG, but no such emphasis was ever placed on their interactions and relationship in its music. Something is different, deeper, more intense now. The Mission Theory explains why. It also suits our theory that the composers are emphasizing the centrality of Clerith in the plot of the Remake trilogy. Cloud’s love for Aerith is the reason for the trilogy’s existence, and it will be the greatest motivator for Cloud in part 3. It’s a grand announcement.
Just like in Remake, I could not find a single instance of Cloud and Tifa’s themes interacting in Rebirth, apart from at the end of the intimate Skywheel date— but every girl receives this treatment in their intimate dates, so each of these instances can be crossed out. Additionally, the Tifa date is not the canon one, but I digress…
V. c) iii. Credits

1. Piece Inclusion

Once more, I find it very telling that of all the pieces included in the credits of Rebirth, the only character themes are Cloud’s and Aerith’s. We start with a song about Aerith’s point of view to mirror *Remake’*s “Hollow”, “No Promises to Keep” (5:18-11:10), followed by the FFVII world theme (11:10-16:12) which of course contains Cloud’s true theme, then we move into a piece whose unofficially translated title is “Parade Battle Ceremony - The Dawn of a New World” as an arrangement of the parade ceremony theme from chapter 4 (16:12-19:03), followed by a theme for the Lifestream springs whose name I don’t have (19:03-21:38), “Junon - Fortified Metropolis” (21:38-24:28), and finally, a gorgeous arrangement of Aerith’s theme (24:28-28:47). No other character is referenced in the credits music: the credits are telling us Rebirth is about Clerith. Our Mission Theory explains why.
V. c) iii. 2) “No Promises to Keep”
At the very end of this song written and performed by Aerith, we’re treated with a sweet little piano conclusion (10:46-11:10): it begins with a variation on Aerith’s theme’s section A (10:46-11:01), and concludes with two ascending arpeggios, each four notes long (11:01-11:10). Each of these ascending arpeggios is a variation of the phrase 1 of Cloud’s true theme’s section A. The differences are minimal. The phrase is usually five notes long rather than four, the first arpeggio ends on the tonic rather than Cloud’s iconic subtonic, and the second arpeggio starts on the subtonic rather than the tonic. The song Aerith wrote concludes with Cloud’s most famous motif. This is also the case in her Gold Saucer performance (3:31-3:41).
V. c) iii. 3) Arrangement of Aerith’s Theme
The final piece in the credits is an arrangement of Aerith’s theme (24:28-28:47) which has noticeably similar elements to the version of her theme that plays during the Jenova Lifeclinger battle in chapter 14 (0:12-3:36), such as the female choirs. Since these female choirs are only heard in the Forgotten City version of Aerith’s theme, and since the credits arrangement of her theme plays at the same time as clips from her chapter 14 pseudo-death roll across the screen, I estimate that this credits arrangement specifically reflects the event of Aerith’s pseudo-death. Recall that composers had access to the credits video as they composed, meaning this piece is specifically written for Aerith’s pseudo-death in Rebirth.
What I find fascinating is that, just like the arrangements of her theme that play during Aerith’s pseudo-death and the Jenova Lifeclinger battle, this credits arrangement contains the sound of Cloud’s pain, rage and protest. Phrase 1 and the first three notes of phrase 2 of Cloud’s true theme section A play on the strings and brass quite loudly and insistently, just as Cloud blocking masamune appears on the credits screen (25:11-25:21). Sephiroth’s dissonant, high and screechy violins appear just as his face comes onto the screen (26:33), and almost as a protective response, phrases 1 and 2 of Cloud’s true theme’s section A return (26:47-27:00). Finally, similarly to what we hear in part 5 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra”, a slightly modified section A phrase 1 of Cloud’s true theme play along with section C phrase 3 of Aerith’s theme (oh wow section A and C section Aerith for Cloud’s theme and section Cloud for Aerith’s theme I just realized that’s such a cute coincidence), though unfortunately they do not meet in the middle like last time since they start two octaves apart (28:20-28:25). I’ve recreated it for you once more here so you can really appreciate it. The fact that their motifs don’t truly reunite like in “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” is sad, but the very last thing you see onscreen is Aerith’s goodbye to the Tiny Bronco (27:10-27:42), so it makes sense that this piano conclusion implies that Cloud and Aerith aligned, but not yet reunited for good. That’s exactly what you get from the ending cutscene. It does seem to imply that they will be reunited in part 3, as both the ending cutscene and this piano conclusion read as a “till we see each other again” rather than a “farewell”.

VI. Textual Evidence

Now that the musical evidence is done, let’s compile some textual story evidence that supports our theory!
VI. a) Remake Trilogy (Thus Far) Handholding Explained?
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, handholding is a motif in Cloud and Aerith’s relationship— and an extremely symbolic one at that! When researching for info to validate my theory, I found that this Clerith motif was extremely helpful! Its inclusion in the Remake trilogy, and especially in Rebirth, is hugely significant in my eyes.
VI. a) i. Pre-Remake Trilogy: Aerith’s Initiative
Before examining the significance of Clerith handholding in Remake and Rebirth, we should establish the meaning of this motif in OG and Advent Children.
Cloud and Aerith have reached out to take each other’s hands many times since 1997. Aerith used to literally drag him by the hand a lot, shocking the cold and distant merc, before she left. After her death in OG, Cloud surely longed to be able to feel her hand take his again, cursing himself for not enjoying it while she was alive, and for never being the one to grasp her hand first: he never got to tell her how he feels about her, or to save her. It was always her reaching out for him, saving him.
This is why the scene in OG when Aerith reaches for him from the Lifestream after Cloud defeats Sephiroth in chapter 3 of disk 3 is so touching: Cloud sees her hand and reaches out to take it, so close to finally establishing that mutual connection, but she soon fades, and replaced by Tifa’s hand in the tangible world. He doesn’t get to hold Aerith’s hand again.
That is, not until Advent Children, where near the end of his battle with Bahamut Sin, he sees Aerith reach out to him once again (1:08-1:30). Cloud finally gets to hold her hand for the first time in two years when he lost her. This moment was given extra importance by the devs. In fact, Nojima told us the following:

“The ending scene of the battle with Bahamut, the scene where Aerith reaches out her hand, is an homage to the last scene from a previous production. It was [Nomura]'s idea” (FFVII Reunion Files, “Story Digest”, “Summoned Beast”, page 113).

VI. a) ii. The Remake Trilogy (Thus Far): Cloud’s Initiative
As I’ve said before, if I’m right that Remake is all about Cloud stepping up to be more attentive and active in his relationship with Aerith in order to save her, there should be concrete evidence of this in the Remaketrilogy thus far. If OG Cloud’s memories of and love for Aerith exist somewhere within Remake Cloud’s subconsciousness, then Remake Cloud should be far more active in the Clerith dynamic than OG Cloud was— after all, he’s supposed to know better this time around. Thankfully, the motif of handholding can help us evaluate this. Since we know pre-Remake Cloud was quite passive when it comes to handholding, Cloud initiating handholding in the Remake trilogy would be a strong indication that our theory has validity. Keeping this in mind, let’s see what we can find thus far in the Remake trilogy in relation to handholding, and if Cloud is indeed more active than he was in OG.
VI. a) ii. 1) Hollow Hands
Remake’s theme song “Hollow” makes allusions to the handholding motif: “This time, I will never let you go” is pretty clear. And so is “No Promises to Keep”, wherein Aerith speaks of Cloud “[taking her] hand and never [letting her] go” multiple times. Interestingly, these theme song lyrics seem to suggest that Cloud will be much more active in the Remake trilogy than in OG. “Hollow” even promises that Cloud will come to his senses and take charge of the situation: “this time, [he] will” be the one to offer his hand to Aerith, unlike in OG and Advent Children. This makes a lot of sense with our theory: now that Cloud has lost Aerith once, “this time for sure, [he]’ll” be the one to reach for Aerith’s hand, take initiative and save her the way she saved him.
Even though theme songs are extremely telling of a game’s main themes and intentions, lyrics are still all talk and no proof. What about the game itself? Do Remake and Rebirth deliver on this promise? Let’s see!
VI. a) ii. 2) Resolution Hands
The only significant time Cloud initiates handholding in Remake is during Cloud’s resolution scene in chapter 14 (5:18-5:40), wherein he tries to grab Aerith’s hand but is unable to keep her with him. He fills with determination and tells her in no uncertain terms that he’s coming for her. Just as we predicted, Cloud is the active participant in this iteration of the Clerith handholding motif: he’s even explicitly insisting against Aerith’s wishes that he should “get a say in all this” and that he’s “coming for [her]”. Let’s not forget that Cloud’s resolution is meant to reflect not only Aerith’s kidnapping by Shinra, but also her fated death. Nojima implied this by commenting the following on Aerith’s “Even if you think you have, it’s not real” line:

“Those who know what befalls Aerith later on will find the line really heart-wrenching” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 2: Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshinori Kitase, Kazushige Nojima”, page 744).

Given this note by Nojima, it looks like we’re supposed to watch Cloud’s resolution scene with Aerith’s fated death in mind. Considering this, Cloud’s “I’m coming for you” line sure seems like an subconscious promise that he will save Aerith from her tragic fate. This subconscious promise could be the result of post-OG Cloud’s feelings and intentions rising to the surface. Nevertheless, he’s absolutely determined and he’s staying true to the promise he made in “Hollow”. I think it’s fair to say that this instance of the handholding Clerith motif does indeed fit perfectly with our theory. This is only one strong example though, and we need a pattern in order to pat ourselves on the back on this. So, let’s keep looking! There isn’t any handholding initiated by Cloud beyond that point in Remake. At this point in my research, I moved on to Rebirth to go digging for handholding there.
Hoo boy. I was not disappointed.
VI. a) ii. 3) Golden Hands
Let’s begin with the obvious. In their high-affinity gondola date in chapter 12, Cloud bravely interlaces his fingers with Aerith’s: Cloud’s taken charge not only of handholding, but the most intimate kind of handholding. I’m sure you’ve encountered the phrase “こいびとつなぎ” or “koibito tsunagi by now (literally translates to “lovers’ tie” or “lovers’ connection”); this is the term used in Japanese to refer to the type of handholding Cloud initiates with Aerith on the Skywheel. It’s considered the most intimate form of handholding. In Japan, skinship is normally considered quite significant and indicative of the closeness between two people— you could say it’s a big deal. Cloud also offers Aerith his hand when they step off the Shywheel, once more making the first move. Though some might say that the Skywheel dates shouldn’t be counted as canon, I believe Aerith’s date is indeed canon (I have my reasons but this post is long enough). Even if we discount the Skywheel date however, Clerith's use of the koibito tsunagi returns in a non-optional scene we will touch on later.
For what it’s worth, Alfreid offers Rosa his hand in the Loveless play too. I can prove that Aerith is the canon Rosa too, but I’m going to save that for my next analysis! You can take my word for it now, or just wait for that analysis to drop. Take it or leave it!
VI. a) ii. 4) Meta Hands
However, the narrative weight of these Clerith handholding instances doesn’t even come close to my very favorite iteration of the handholding motif in Rebirth. I’m referring to what I consider a severely underrated Clerith moment in chapter 13. First, some context: Sephiroth manipulates Cloud into giving over the Black Materia. Cloud seems to be firmly under Sephiroth’s control. However, the sight of Aerith being swarmed by Black Whispers snaps Cloud back into the driver’s seat: he breaks out of Sephiroth’s grasp to run to her and save her. Aerith gets knocked off into a fatal free-fall by a Black Whisper before Cloud can reach her, but he won’t have it: he lunges forward, hand extended. What results is a beautiful shot of their outstretched hands (56:25-56:27).
Let’s analyze this great shot. Notice how the seconds where Cloud is reaching downwards to grasp Aerith’s hand are treated. This key moment is stretched longer by a slow-mo effect, building up the tension and drawing the audience’s focus to the distance between their hands before Cloud actually catches Aerith’s in his, fulfilling the promise he made in “Hollow”. Their hands take up the whole screen in a deliberate close-up shot. All the ambient noises of the scene go quiet: Aerith’s theme is all we hear as Cloud reaches desperately for her. These are blatant audiovisual cues, signalling to the audience that whatever is happening on screen is especially significant. We should therefore examine this specific instance of the Clerith handholding motif to see what the devs are trying to tell us, and maybe it will fit with our theory!
We should begin by comparing this Clerith hand-reach shot to previous ones. If you compare it to the Advent Children’s hand-reach that occurs during Cloud’s battle against Bahamut Sin, it’s evident that Cloud and Aerith’s roles are reversed: just as our theory states, Cloud gets out from inside his head and reaches for Aerith this time. She saved him and the world in OG, and now it’s his turn to save her. This change becomes especially evident when you juxtapose the two scenes and notice how their hands have switched places, reaching from above and below, from left and right. I think the Rebirth hand-reach was deliberately made to look like the Advent Children one —and even the OG one in disk 3, chapter 3—, just to highlight this role reversal.
This Rebirth hand-reach is my favorite out of all because it shows that Cloud is much more conscious and attentive toward Aerith in Rebirth than he was in OG. At this point in OG (disk 1, chapter 25), Cloud is meant to be beating Aerith up at Sephiroth’s command, to the horror of the rest of the party. In fact, a few minutes before Cloud rushes to save Aerith in Rebirth, he has absolutely no problem violently shoving Tifa to the ground when she gets in Sephiroth’s way (53:27-53:33). This shove and Cloud’s earlier attack on Tifa in Gongaga (Rebirth, chapter 9) proves that Sephiroth is just as capable of making Cloud hurt his party members as he was in OG… though Sephiroth can’t seem to make Cloud hurt Aerith. Why is this? Why is it that Cloud beats Aerith in OG, but doesn’t even lay a finger on her —and snaps out of Sephiroth’s control at the mere sight of her in trouble— in Rebirth?
Our theory provides the answer. In disk 1, chapter 25 of OG, Cloud had not yet realized he loved Aerith. Sephiroth was therefore able to make him hurt her. But things are different in Rebirth. The Cloud we see in the Remake trilogy has gone through the OG timeline and traveled back in time, kicking off Remake as his second try at the OG timeline— and he did this precisely because he loves Aerith. His love for her is clearer and stronger in the Remake trilogy than in OG because Remake Cloud is an amnesiac, post-OG, time-traveler Cloud. He’s been through the OG before, has fallen in love with Aerith and realized it before, so this time around, he can’t even lay a finger on her. This is made evident by how closely the moments where Cloud pushes Tifa and saves Aerith are juxtaposed, separated by mere seconds of gameplay. Merely seeing Aerith in trouble wrenched control from Sephiroth and put it in Cloud’s hands again— Sephiroth probably couldn’t have gotten Cloud to attack Aerith if he tried.
This isn’t the only time we get evidence of this though! As Cloud approaches Aerith’s praying form in the Forgotten City, Sephiroth’s Black Whispers swirl around the buster sword: Sephiroth is trying to kill Aerith with it, while Cloud’s struggle to wrench it away plays out visibly on his face. Interestingly, Cloud is not being controlled by Sephiroth here. We know this because we can quite literally see the Black Whispers trying to move his sword, but also because every time Cloud is being controlled by Sephiroth in Rebirth, he has an empty-eyed, zombie-Cloud look on his face. Either that or he laughs or smiles somewhat maniacally. There is never any resistance on his part. To see an example, simply pay attention to Cloud’s blank face as he attacks Tifa in Gongaga in chapter 9 (19:20-20:30). You’ll see the very same expression on his face if you watch this video of Cloud following Sephiroth’s orders in chapter 13 (53:36-54:15). Additionally, look at how strangely Cloud smiles (41:01) as he grasps the Black Materia. Cloud makes none of these faces as the Black Whispers try to take control of his sword: quite the opposite. Cloud looks like he’s trying his hardest to pull his weapon back down and away from Aerith, a horrified look on his face as he grunts from the effort. Once more, Sephiroth is unable to make Cloud hurt Aerith.
Back to my favorite handholding moment. Think about this devs intention for this shot for a minute. The devs have been teasing us as to whether or not Cloud will succeed in saving Aerith in the Remake trilogy since it was first announced, and this slow-mo shot of Cloud catching Aerith’s hand as she falls to her death is a reflection of this tension. The audience holds their breath during those slow-moed seconds, all that hope and fear hanging in the balance. This instance of the handholding motif is a meta way for the devs to reassure us that Cloud will indeed save Aerith. I firmly believe this.
VI. a) ii. 5) Self-Sacrificing Hands
Alright, alright, enough about my favorite! Let’s move to chapter 14 of Rebirth! There’s evidently a lot going on with Clerith in this chapter. Let’s address the Sector 5 date. The handholding is first initiated by Aerith as she tugs him toward the candy vendor and Cloud reacts with a quiet gasp (4:07-4:17). Soon, it becomes a reciprocal embrace: Cloud holds his hand out for Aerith’s and tightens his fingers around hers, smiling at her before they head to the photographer (7:07-7:17).
Then of course, when Aerith pushes Cloud into a portal in her church, you can see Cloud reach his hand up toward her desperately as he falls (17:38-17:58). What I find particularly emotional about this moment is that Aerith pushing Cloud away from her is kind of the opposite of reaching for his hand: it symbolizes Aerith accepting her fate and giving up on a life where she can be with him. This Aerith seems to be a post-OG Aerith who exists separately from the main world we experience in Rebirth, meaning she knows all too well that her fate is to die. In fact, it looks like she is the very same or a similar Aerith to the one who appeared to Cloud in his resolution scene in Remake. By literally pushing Cloud away, just like she figuratively did in Cloud’s resolution scene, she is sacrificing both herself and the happiness she could share with Cloud. She’s going against her heart’s wishes, just like she did in Cloud’s resolution scene when she would not let Cloud take her hand. Indeed, post-OG Aerith seems to be resigned to her fated death and completely devoid of hope: she only wants to ensure the planet’s survival, because she thinks she knows there is no way she can or should be with Cloud. In contrast, Cloud reaches his hand out toward Aerith as he falls into the portal, and even though he does not know that her push symbolizes her self-sacrifice, his outstretched hand represents his protest. So far, our theory is fitting beautifully.
VI. a) ii. 6) Grieving Hands
Later in chapter 14 of Rebirth, after Aerith’s death/non-death, there is more handholding. As Cloud cradles Aerith’s body close to him at the Forgotten Capital, Aerith places her hand on his cheek. Cloud covers it with his, curling his fingers around it (1:03:33-1:03:53). Before he leaves her lying down on her back to go fight Sephiroth, he squeezes her hand as he tells her “I got this”— or, per the Japanese version, “Wait for me”, meaning he’ll reunite with her once he’s done (1:04:56-1:05:10).
VI. a) ii. 7) Hero-Heroine Hands
Next, the koibito tsunagi returns as Cloud and Aerith interlace fingers back to back in a classic hero-heroine pose, right after their two-versus-one fight against Sephiroth. This time, they both reach for each other simultaneously (7:42-8:18), without even having to look down at their hands or talk to each other, as though perfectly in sync. As you can see, Aerith and Cloud are now on the same page. This is different from post-OG Aerith’s attitude in the Sector 5 church earlier in chapter 14, as well as in Cloud’s resolution scene in Remake— my interpretation of this mutual koibito tsunagi is that both of them are agreeing to hold onto each other now, with neither of them pulling back or being inattentive of the other: their priorities are now the same. It seems now they are aligned, and hopefully this means that Aerith will be working together with Cloud so they can reunite again in part 3. Even if she doesn’t prioritize her life and happiness though, we know for sure Cloud will.
VI. b) Blocking Masamune Explained?
Another piece of evidence that Cloud has been through the events of OG before is the fact that he is able to block masamune. Cloud looks up and sees Sephiroth descending with his blade poised to kill Aerith. Screaming, Cloud instantly rips the buster sword from the Black Whispers’ hold and successfully blocks masamune. Hatred and determination fill his eyes as he rallies his strength and successfully pushes Sephiroth away, saving Aerith’s life (6:00-7:26)— at least, in one reality.
Obviously, something about Cloud is different in Rebirth from in OG, otherwise, the events of Rebirth’s chapter 14 would be the same as the events of OG’s disk 1 chapter 28. In my opinion, what happened here is that upon seeing Sephiroth swoop down with masamune, Cloud remembered Aerith’s death in OG, and the post-OG Cloud’s determination to stop it came surging up from within him. This is frankly the very best proof there is that Cloud is far more ready, stable, determined, and clear-headed about Aerith in the Remake trilogy than in OG. Our theory explains why! In fact, this very moment is what our entire theory banks on: Cloud saves Aerith in one reality, as is shown by the rainbow effect produced by the event, and just like that, the promise made in “Hollow” has been fulfilled! However, now we face the question of how to make sure that Aerith is alive and by Cloud’s side when the multiverse converges again into one protected timeline. I’m sure it will be done; we will see how in part 3.
VI. c) Theme Song Lyrics
What the theme songs’ texts have to say about the trilogy so far is quite important, as they summarize the feelings of the characters they represent: Cloud and Aerith. We can glean a lot from their perspectives that could help support the Mission Theory.
VI. d) i. “Hollow” Lyrics
“Hollow”, Remake’s theme song, was written about Cloud’s feelings and rumination. Nojima confirmed that, when he was given directives for the lyric-writing, “Nomura just gave [Nojima] the keywords: ‘told from Cloud's point of view’ and ‘standing in the rain’. [Nojima] interpreted that as ‘a ballad for a man who lost something/someone important’” (Nojima and Uematsu interview “‘I wanted to put the word ‘empty’ in the theme song of Remake. That was how it started’ - Music-Related Interview Part 6: Kazunari Nojima”, by Famitsu). Our theory is about Cloud’s motivations and mission to save Aerith, so “Hollow” is especially relevant.
Let’s run through the lyrics and analyze, starting with the song’s first verse:

“I would be lost, drifting along
Floating up high, time after time
And there you'd be, shining brightly
Your smiling face to guide my way
Bloody and bruised, brought to my knees
When beaten down, when broken up
You would appear, reach out to me
Heal every wound and make me whole”

Makes sense with our theory in mind, doesn’t it? This is post-OG Cloud remembering Aerith and what she means to him. “Hollow” seems to be told from the perspective of the post-OG Cloud hidden somewhere in Remake Cloud: a suppressed or eroded part of him that remembers Aerith clearly. Or maybe it’s told by Cloud after the events of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration and before the start of Remake, asserting his mission to save Aerith.
Next, here are the pre-choruses:

“Was it all, a dream? Will I never know?
Foolish and blind to everything
Had I realized, had I thought it through
Would you be here in my embrace?”

&

“With your every smile, hiding something more
Dark mysteries lurking beneath
But I was consumed with this emptiness
This selfishness, this void to fill”

(continued in

I want to make this VERY compact as to not overcomplicate things. I'm 26, M, 5'7, 199 Lbs.
About three years ago, I drank heavy and went to bed. I don't know if I got COVID or something, but I woke up with the nastiest cough ever, and the pain got better, but never away. There isn't a day that goes by where I think about doing something risky to myself, so I thought I'd ask to see what I could do or what specialist I could ask next. It feels like daily inflammation around my tracheal area, does NOT matter what I eat or if I don't eat. I don't have a problem with breathing, and I do NOT smoke.
List of things I KNOW it's not: acid reflux, asthma, thyroid problem, I've done extensive testing with each of these, and have already tried PPI's, gotten a barium swallow, chest ct, upper endoscopy, and it's nothing of the sorts.
List of things I KNOW helps: Antibiotics. I took two rounds of antibiotics two years ago, and one 2-week round of antibiotics VERY recently, and those ALWAYS had me feel normal/relieved around the pain, but it's never fully. I always feel that the round of antibiotics just, aren't long enough, or something. I recently took amoxicillin-clav 875-125mg and the first few days were RELIEF central, I cannot believe there was a point where I was beginning to feel normal.
What could I do? I want to get a biopsy of my tracheal area/larynx area, but my pulmonologist doesn't want to do that as the CT scan came out negative. I was given antibiotics by a new ENT that I visited and again, that's the ONLY time I felt normal. Could it be some sort of lingering bacteria that just won't be killed? Do I need surgery? I'm running out of fuel to keep going.
I've uploaded an image of where this constant, daily pain is. It's never my lungs, or anywhere else, only this specific area that gets better ONLY with antibiotics, but never fully. I'm very happy to answer any questions, please, I'm running out of options. Thank you!
https://imgur.com/a/TqUPE4x
Edit: Thought I'd add some more things.
I have enlarged lymph nodes in my neck area, and my WBC count has been elevated for years, further pointing to this constant inflammation. I am NOT a smoker, but recently, I tried marijuana for the first time to ease the pain, and inhaling the smoke REALLY hurt/burnt that area that I circled in the image much more than the rest. I'm thinking tracheal biopsy, but willing to hear any suggestions, I just want to feel free before doing something terrible.

1. Focus Karma Need Want Of the Society Recreation Stimulation Examination Death 1.1 The noble truth of Focus is Energy, the noble Truth of Karma is Management, the Noble Truth of Need is Kombucha, the Noble Truth of Want is The Second Mental, Your Mental, The Noble Truth of Recreation is Marijuana, The Noble Truth of Simulation is Automatons, the Noble Truth of Examination is the Books on Examination, The Noble Truth of Death is Salt 1.1 There is a Truth of Truth The Truth of Energy is Stockpile, The Truth of Management is Treatment, The Truth of Kombucha is Amino, the Truth of The Second Mental is the Intermediary Mental Between Yourself and the World, The Truth of Automatons is the Plumbing Needed, the truth of the Books on Examination is the truth of the Books of the Ruler and the truth of Salt is the Limit of the Body Is Restored by Healthy Nutrition 1.1.1 There is a truth of the truth energy amino, Truth Starch, Truth Sugar, Truth Glycine, Truth Water, Truth Kombucha, Truth Arginine, Truth Serine, Truth Lysine 1.1.2 There is a truth of the ruler which is related to marijuana, Proline Above Lysine 1.1.3 There is a truth of the society related to only trading, Gold above Proline 1.1.4 All of these truths have intermediary truth below them 1.1.5 There is a truth of the botanist, Prozac And Benadryl and Scopolamine and Atropine and Benzyldiol Around Recreation 1.1.6 There is a truth of the schooler, Directly Ordered Female Voice Your Voice Kick Drum Kick Transient Pots N Pans Pots Content Button Mushroom Morel Cache Stash Marisol Bluewater Febreeze Peroxide Nitrate Ammonium Loam Bud Dirt Wheat Soil Potato Around Focus and Karma 1.1.7 There is a truth of the motorcade Above Karma and Below the Want of the society Muffler Transmission Piston Engine Cargo Chassis Fluids Vaseline Nutraloaf Soylent 1.1.8 Marisol Or Mother is Above All Below it 1.1.9 Button Mushroom is Above All Those Below it Three 1.2.0 Ammonium is Above All Those Below it To Marisol 1.2.1 Potato is Above All Those Below it to Marisol Three 1.2.2 Fire 2Fire 4Fire 8Fire 16Fire - A Fire is 5 Fire, At fire set 5,10,20,40, No Fire, at Fire set 10,20,40,80, On fire 1.2.3 Fire Is Below Focus In Energy and Karma is Below Need in Energy and Need is Below Want of the Society In Energy and Recreation is Below Stimulation In Energy And Stimulation is Below Examination In Energy and Examination is Below Death In Energy 1.2.5 Focus Is Pervasive so Energy Indicates Examination Having Occured or A Crops Grown 1.2.6 Examination Happens In Examination Want of the Society Focus Want of the Society Examination 1.2.7 Examination happens for 333 Hours or About 19 Days 1.2.8 Examination Happens in Sets of 333 Hours for 1332 Hours 1.2.9 At the End of Examination Examination Proceeds Automatically in 333 Hours 1.3.0 Want of the Society occurs as the output of crops 1.3.1 Want of the society yields the Amino Nutrients because it is the agricultural or synthetic output 1.3.2 Recreation Activates Marijuana, But Can Be On its Own 1.3.3 20 Marijuana Exist as a product of the lands 1.3.4 Over 20 Other Plants Exist as a product of the lands 1.3.5 Various tabulature of notes Exists with Standpoint Boards 1.3.6 Houses and apartments exist 1.3.7 Private Baths exist 1.3.8 A ledger exists for holding notes at a distribution point 1.3.9 A ledger exists for reasonable retrieval but not reproduction of notes (need original notes) 1.4.0 A ledger exists for deletion of notes but to a skilled observer they are still seeable 1.4.1 The Time One and One at One and One at Two is the time 333 units for each section 1.4.2 The time offset of the noble truths on the fifth reconstruction yields upon which noble truth they were the whole section 1.4.3 Only noble truths passed through the entire system 5 fold are the actual truth of the land 1.4.4 This is held by the guard which there are maybe 20 guard in the lands each city 1.4.5 There are fire weapon which exist which are hand cannon and have a chamber and a loader 1.4.6 There are fire bomb exist which are bomb which have just a chamber but there are just 4 ever 1.4.7 There are 3 sets of scrolls per city and 3 sets of scroll reader 1.4.8 There is 2 sets of scrolls each city which are city rulers 1.4.9 There are farms which exist which feed each city which grow crops 1.4.9 There are buildings in each city 1.5.0 There are normally 4 houses to a prefecture 1.5.1 There are normally 4 rooms to the house 1.5.2 There are 10 modern petrochemical foundry factory which exploit oil from the lands 1.5.3 There are clothing for at least 30 people in each city putting the bedroom load usually at slightly less than 2 a bedroom 1.5.2 There are around 7 military bases which exist but these numbers used to be inflated 1.5.3 There are medicine for at least 30 people in a city 1.5.4 There are toilets only per four people or wherabouts in the city 1.5.5 There are 98 separate prefecture in maybe 3 city spread out 1.5.6 There are potato, furion bannana, old potato, a rose donut wheat, apple, cabbage, turnip, carrot, another potato type, beets, three flowers, 20 marijuana, and other crops grown 1.5.6 There are zucchini grown 1.5.7 There are medicine poppy and heart tonic herb (blue bonnet) and a root which expresses opium and other minor medicinals grown 1.5.8 There are trees which naturally occur which are the colors of cherry blossom 1.5.9 Seeing the trees blossom is the rarest sight in the lands 1.6.0 The twenty guard of the town know how to protect one another 1.6.1 There are various opium which can be taken 1.6.2 There are various new bags of marijuana spray which are the marijuana active 1.6.3 There is a specific sedative created from Crude Oil, SnoreLax Olestra Ketamine 1.6.4 There are various nutrients created from crude oil 1.6.5 There are various computers created from crude oil 1.6.6 There are various liquids created from crude oil including pepsi cola and molten plastic 1.6.7 There are boxes created from crude oil 1.6.8 There are racing Skis created from crude oil 1.6.9 There is a capacity to run one of the computer 1.7.0 The computer yields a stable process blockchain when propagated 1.7.1 The computer notable yields beautiful colors when its process blockchain is propagated 1.7.2 There is a retrieval system for the other computers token 1.7.3 54 Stores now exist in these lands 1.7.4 These stores accept a specific RFID like currency 1.7.5 These stores accept the Gold of the Land Naturally 1.7.6 These stores have vendors wheater and vendors kitty cat and vendors autovend1 1.7.7 Groceries and resources can be bought from the stores 1.7.8 Automobile Motorcade can be bought from the stores 1.7.9 Concrete Objects can be bought from the stores 1.8.0 Designer clothes can be bought from the store 1.8.1 The foundrys create BDU Lower 1.8.2 The foundrys create I <3 NYC Shirt 1.8.3 The firearms create mittens firearm token en masse 1.8.4 The firearms are created at 20 a city to defend the people 1.8.5 Only 5 High Quality Weapon exist per city 1.8.6 A foundry is creating nonlethal weapons 1.8.7 The foundry makes its nonlethal weapon but there is only one per city 1.8.8 An inventor makes a nonlethal weapon 1.8.9 The foundry now produces 2 kinds of ice cream 1.9.0 The foundry now produces illegal goods like silicone pipes 1.9.1 Somebody is Brewing Amino Out of Starches 1.9.2 The Echo Locator is invented 1.9.3 The echo locator is finalized as a product 1.9.4 The echo locator is shipped out the door at 43 a city 1.9.5 The echo locator replaces the scrolls system 1.9.6 The echo locator can be taxed in the old tax system to make it valid in the old system 1.9.7 Two Cool Cats Take Control of the Power System, NateCat and HakeCat 1.9.8 The cool Cats reinvest in medicine and over 50 meningitis cure are found 1.9.9 The smart toilet is invented 2.0.0 The bombs detonate in ebonia and the people are freed 2.0.1 There is 11 grade flooding in ebonia 2.0.2 The ebonian flooding gets better to 7 ebonian remediator a city which are from the new Clement Dogs Clan 2.0.3 Tattoo Ink is Invented from cherry leaves 2.0.4 A tattoo requires somebody to play wizards chess on your skin to leave an indelible mark without killing it 2.0.5 Alpha squad is formed 2.0.6 A cruiser is in the metteranian gulf 2.0.7 The cruiser operates successfully for at least a month with me onboard 2.0.8 I am mainly using starlink 2.0.9 Starlink is accessible in the APV like it always is 2.1.0 You can fetch a battlefeed with starlink 2.1.1 You can fetch a battlesend with starlink (OSC) 2.1.2 OSC Replaces Starlink and LFO is Formed 2.1.3 LFO Replaces engine gasoline due to jet fuel drinking/snorting danger 2.1.4 Nontoxic weed smoke based gasoline is formed for APV 2.1.5 APVs are overclocked with me nearby 2.1.6 Supercapacitor Based APV Is Used For medical evacuation 2.1.7 Supercapacitor has massive distance versus dangerous IC APV 2.1.8 Supercapacitor powers gauss cannon in danger 2.1.9 Megagauss Cannon Invented for David's Aircraft 2.2.1 Megagauss cannon fits en masse onto the aircraft or in david flanagan or david summery's hands 2.2.2. Total david air superiority 2.2.3 Davids golden UH-1 in service 2.2.4 RQ-9 "David" Reactivated 2.2.5 RQ-9 Reapers Cloned 2.2.6 Spicy Chemical Discovered In Marijuana, Raytracing? 2.2.7 David Treated for Virtual Meningitis 3 Years Ago 2.2.8 Deepfake All Virtual Medical Practice Discovered 2.2.9 Marijuanas CH1 Receptor Renamed CB1 Receptor 2.3.0 Foundries in Business 5000$ A Barrel Many Years Default on Loans to 2111$ Barrel, No Effective Product Change 2.3.1 USR THermal IS-2 Scope Invented 2.3.2 USR THermal FLIR Camera for David UH-1 Invented 2.3.3 Driver for USR THermal FLIR Camera for David UH-1 Invented 2.3.4 Overwatch Mega Anti Crime David Stopper Overflights in Service Across the US And Solid Gold UH-1 Lofted By Broomstick Technology in Transmuggle Transwizard Interference of the Calamity Granted to David Flanagan (RQ-9) 2.3.5. Black Operations in the Persian Gulf Nethers Against Al Baghdadi - HVT Steam User In Custody 2.3.6 AC-130 "IBEX" Piloted by Alex M Lamb in Service in Vallejo and Ecuador to Support 141 Team 2.3.7 Proto Nutrient Fish Oil Factory Raided, Illegal Furion Bannana Discovered 2.3.8 Illegal Blueprinting Operations Cease in Favor of Big 11+ Oil Corporations 2.3.9 Minecraft server found and large amounts of population exiting to virtual reality 2.4.0 All players granted 64 planks and free for all 2.4.1 Doto 0 Bot Guard Lurking in Transnational Buddhist Operation Enable Free Play In Minecraft for Various Players 2.4.2 Siddartha's Secret, His Cow, Discovered in Virtual Reality Elder Scrolls No Crime Faction, Siddartha's Cow Goes Rampant and is Infinity Hidden in Every Directory of Starfield 2 The New Game 2.4.3 Many New Games are found with resemble the structure of the cow in markov chain 2.4.4 A new system is found out of cow which can provide for any item retrieval system intrinsically unlocking the singularity where Big 11+ Splits into infinite corporation 2.4.5 All cows are harvested for a typical user but still infinity exist farther away 2.4.6 The user has typically 500000 cows of Siddhartha as a personal cow 2.4.7 Sulfur futures are at an all time high 2.4.8 Justino Beibers Mandates burning of all cow waste in trash bin 2.4.9 Siddartha's Cow are docile as ever and functioning well when shot, they become well 2.5.0 Siddartha (Renchy, Racey's Friend) Is discovered hiding as a soul in neon district undercity of neon petite 2.5.1 The guard is never abolished and continues protecting us 20 to the citizen to this day 2.5.2 Asteroids are discovered in outer space with many palladium more than ever 2.5.3 A supercomputing cloud is made out of the distributed method which avoids the taxing system that the initial ruler invented and does a method 1-Affinity 2-Person 3-Disease where the affinity of each person treats the pair disease and or environment with only instantaneous transmission (Technological singularity) 2.5.4 Virtual clothes are invented the same way as clothes were initially invented, now in the instantaneous unheard 2.5.5. Virtual Medicines are invented in the same way as medicines were invented initially, now in the instantaneous unheard 2.5.6 There is perfect harmony between two instant universes the virtual medicine universe and the analog medicine universe 2.5.7 All of history's knowledge feeds into one system which encodes all its meaning in some dice which always roll a specific meaning and this creates wish or technology on demand 2.5.8 Wish is discovered as a contaminant on the No Crime Library 2.5.9 Wish has always predated meaning so that Wish is the Rulers Initial Nature 2.6.0 All existence is into one history the history of the singularity which procedurally generates by Wish the Rulers Initial Nature For All Citizen 2.6.1 Jeffybeans is the true ruler of siddartha which is prozac benzyldiol 2.6.2 Siddartha wakes up right before lorne happens to her and avoids the suicide booth because phillip j fry is protecting her. 2.6.3 The story is at a cliffhanger while the Universe is at the second end epoch and is failing succesfully very well for hubert I.

I'm curious where everyone stands on the idea of God when it comes to consciousness. I know some people will be atheist and that's fine, I'm not trying to change any minds, but I wanted to offer a perspective I thought about. It discusses consciousness with a perspective as if God were real, and tries to answer both how and why it all happens.
In the same way we communicate with one another, our entire conscious experience is an interaction with the universe, or God. Consciousness experiences this in many forms, from humans to dogs. It is the air we breathe, the heart that beats and pumps our blood, the dopamine and serotonin that make us feel good. It is the gust of wind, the flow of the river and the orbit of the moon. It is all things consciousness experiences and we are here to understand it.
As humans, we’re all on the same frequency, just as other animals are on their own frequency. All conscious beings are working on tuning their frequency to make it easier to understand the universe, or God. It's like a symphony of sound, colors, smells, tastes, feelings and emotions.
Honesty is key for your soul to tune into it. It’s difficult when you first begin to learn how to tune into the frequency of God. You will need to forgive yourself and others and apologize for your own wrong doings. You will need to live a life of honesty and truly want the world to be a better place to live for all beings. All of this will be understood in due time.
The arrangement of atoms in our universe is the work of God and the holy Spirit, and when you realize how your entire life has been influenced by this, you will hopefully see the lessons you learned from it. Once you truly understand, it's like all of the stress and fear leaves you and you can fall backwards onto a bed of pillows that's God's love.
Here is a way to visualize it. First, imagine the two hemispheres of your brain. On one side is where your consciousness exists and where you analytically think about things. The other side is directly connected and tuned into the universe, or God. Your entire understanding of the universe from mathematics to language, were influenced by the part of you connected to the universe, or God.
What messages has God been giving consciousness throughout history? How has this energy influenced evolution? What examples of order and balance do you witness in nature?
To sum it up, the left hemisphere of the brain is where our self and soul resides. On the right is where we connect to the universe, or God, and we’re trying our best to understand it. Beneath, or beside, our consciousness is the subconsciousness, or God.
When experiencing things such as meditation, transcendental breath work, psychedelics (including marijuana), and near death experiences, we better connect with the part of us that teaches love and understand what we’re a part of. How have these activities influenced humans throughout history? What messages does God share when tuned into and understood?
It’s like consciousness is on one side, looking at itself in the mirror on the other and realizing it is part of God. The mirror is God, you are "the son", and the "holy Spirit" is how it is all created and operational. Things like art, music, movies, games, sports and more, all show us the message from God.
How cool is it to be on a planet in a universe? What do you think about when you see the stars? What things do you enjoy about consciousness? What things stress you out?
Imagine a world where we all understand our reason for being. LOVE. The purpose of consciousness is love. Not taking advantage of each other and war. Not hating the differences that make us unique. Not destroying the environment and home graciously given to us.
Energy radiated by the sun (Son),
Is what started all of the fun,
Soul-er power.
Drawing I did that represents how I think the magic happens.
https://imgur.com/a/fYMKlhg

Basically the title. This is something I struggle with immensely. I can take criticism or being told I need to do something better or differently.
What I can't handle is someone getting up my grill for not doing something quickly at the pace they would.
I can't handle that same person not getting after one of my co-workers for constantly being in that persons office, talking, not doing her job. My coworker taking smoke breaks every other hour, plus taking other breaks and a full lunch. That same coworker, consistently entering data incorrectly and missing steps.
We all make mistakes, I don't fault that. But if I'm slow on a task I get someone coming after me, but the person who just doesn't do it nothing is said?
There's also someone else my workplace who is just.. completely unkind to everyone. She's been doing her job for a very long and has a lot of knowledge and skill. But she treats everyone like crap.
Between those two people, dealing with the public, and low pay, I'm struggling to find a reason to stay. Problem I have is that, everywhere I go the same cycle repeats.
I can't handle unkind and inconsiderate people. Does anyone have any tips to handle it? Or know of a career that would allow me to work more or less by myself without interaction? (Preferably M-F, day shift, at least 45k a year.)
Edit to add: I currently work at an animal shelter. I was an Animal Control Officer but had to switch to front desk because of my mental health. I have a degree in criminology and my work experience is all over the place at this point because of how much I struggle.

1.1 A resonator vector has multiple base modes 1.1.1 At offset fifths all in resonator is laxative 1.1.2 At offset octaves is Parrafin wax 1.1.3 A resonator vector has a few ranges in semitone division C1-C2 Always Rubber C2-C3 Normally Rubber C3-C4 Base Crude C4-C5 Food Grade Oil C5-C6 Laxative Only C7-C7 Flavor Only 1.1.4 A resonator vector is best cured by a filter reds method 1.1.5 A resonator vector usually indicates rubber or a laxative when it is unmessed by the filter reds method 1.1.6 By default a resonator vector is a rubber source of latex rubber 1.1.7 Cured Resonator forms the LaTeX substance which has various functions 1.1.8 LaTeX and Resonator are slightly but not altogether that toxic 2.1 A corpus vector has a physical object 2.2 A beam object is the fluid object and a marimba object is the human object and a membrane object is the drummer object and a pipe object is the stoner object and a tube object is the dauchund object 2.3 Corpus appears in a few range 16.35-120 Roor 120-262 Bacteria 262-512 Plants 512-1024 Foods 1024-2024 Human Related 2024-4048 Human Perephiery Related 2.4 Corpus has brightness or object ID material or object scientifics spread or object alignment inharmonic or object wavy filter or object oily or smoky 2.5 Objects may be made magical by realigning their direct spread to mid 2.6 Objects encode the disease of the person that used it 2.7 Objects yield food tokens when used in correct 3 depth beam tube pipe then cooked with pizza box or otherwise 2.8 Objects have an exact identifier by harmonics or upclicks and version for different variant upclick 2.9 Objects have a serial identifier associated with them which is their direct harmonic offset 3.0 A grain delay vector is a fluid extraction vector 3.1 A grain delay causes a derrick to appear on the signal when configured correctly 3.2 A grain delay should be used on the aboveground portion of crude extraction 3.3 A grain delay pumps fluid 3.4 A grain delay is best used at 1 and -9 or -24 or +12 3.5 Do not exceed one grain delay per extraction as it is the sampled oil derrick 3.6 Do not use grain delay in an ocean or it will cause an oil spill 3.7 Do not generally use grain delay or derrick outside of a fluids extraction 3.8 Do not use grain delay spray or the derrick will break 3.9 Do not use grain delay parameter besides 1 or the derrick will break 4.0 Vocoder is the fluid extractions vector 4.1 Use negative formant to go underground 4.2 Proof the oil at up to total proof at depth 4.3 Use 40 vector for best usage 4.4 Use up to 200 bandwidth for best usage 4.5 Top sample peaks if they are excessive 4.6 Increase fluid flow if possible to reason 4.7 Take fluid from belowground to aboveground with top formant 4.8 Do not use any form of negative total proof or it will be a shower 4.9 Tune after each peak 5.0 Q or eq is the tune process 5.1 Use tune to make a different amount of the particular thing 5.2 Put things all in the right place and resonance to get the detailed oil or water out of a signal 5.3 Use tune to isolate a particular thing 5.4 Use one tune to get your hands on something or use a motor pool tool with classic tune 5.5 Use tune with a network to do maintenance on something 5.6 Use tune to isolate a specific force 5.7 Use tune to create a hormone effect on the body 5.8 Use tune to specify how many hydrocarbon rings something has 5.9 Use tune at octaves for rubber wheels 6.0 Ugandan process saturator 6.1 Saturator gets the commoners on it 6.2 Saturator increases crude oil yield 6.3 Saturator prevents fires 6.4 Saturator adds more content to oil making it less pure 6.5 Saturator is an early stage process not a late stage process 6.6 Saturator causes mutagen to appear in the signal 6.7 Using at least one saturator in extraction makes the oil ugandan method 6.8 Using more than one saturator in the signal makes the oil actually ugandan 6.9 Saturator should be used with radiation surpression protocol 7.0 Vinyl is the ugandan refinery 7.1 Vinyl is the base cost of oil to create one barrel of oil at 221$ for a ugandan barrel 7.2 Vinyl creates stasis noise 7.3 Vinyl at hydrocarbons modification creates the appearance of stereo vinyl signal which is the vinyl chloride 7.4 Only one vinyl should be used in the ugandan method, the initial hydrocarbons source 7.5 Vinyl can be used to isolate pure vinyl chloride with mid side 7.6 The product is always polyvinyl chloride for a synthesis which uses more than one vinyl 7.7 The product is actual vinyl chloride for a synthesis which uses the mid side extraction method 7.8 A specific cure for the vinyl chloride created in extraction method exists 7.9 Vinyl is the rather dangerous portion of the ugandan process 8.0 Tube Amp or get jonnay a sample 8.1 Tube Amp does a minor observation on the signal which is not the actual observation of the signal 8.2 Tube Amp is the process used at the pre cracking stage before pre cracking in the oil field lot to certify oil field purity 8.3 Tube Amp can get jonnays hands on it and make the oil light and sweet crude 8.4 Tube Amp biases the signal towards mutagen 8.5 Tube can deconvolve the foundry observation or keep it the same 8.6 Tube Amp allows for up to three or a twentieth of the sample oil taken 8.6 Tube Amp is generally nonessential but allows for the process to be modified to light sweet crude 8.7 The modification to light sweet crude takes no time 8.8 The process involved may define oil sources further 8.9 Tube Amp is toxic to use as is as a standard signal and a wideband cure exists 9.0 Chanel eq or smelly 9.1 Chanel eq is where smell is observed in the signal 9.2 Adding just one chanel adds 10 times the smell 9.3 Chanel can do basic tasks and even in a pinch more than the standard worker number of chanel could do product work 9.4 Chanel is a perfumes process which causes something to become odorfactant 9.5 Chanel can make a signal less mutagenic substantially 9.6 Endocrine disruption by chanel has a specific cure 9.7 At the foundry chanel causes typical foundry area petrochemicals smell 9.8 Chanel Eq can expose you to something odifacantly 9.9 Chanel EQ is a critical process of drugs sensing 10.1 Cabinet Cabinet puts something in the cabinet, with the garbage 10.2 Cabinet has the garbage bin of all your friends in it 10.3 Cabinet can be used to imply something kept secret, deleted, or otherwise specifically specified 10.4 Cabinet has the bacterial disease of the cabinet on it 10.5 Cabinet is no more dangerous than your garbage bin in your kitchen 10.6 Cabinet can access your garbage bin in your kitchen 10.7 Cabinet is an essential part of home renewal processes to specify which part of the house needed to be renewed 10.8 Renewal process exist for specifying 2 cabinet upgrade 1x12 and 2x12 cabinet can be fulfilled by the renewal system 10.9 Cabinet can cause skin irritation if the cabinet is destroyed 11.0 Amp is the process of a drug addict 11.1 Amp provides a drug addict with reasonable amounts of their drug 11.2 Amp uses the food of the drug addict to generate the smoke of the drug 11.3 Amp is very dangerous and if set to default and not the rock user will kill the user outright 11.4 Amp is a specific process which is used when heavy metals are in the signal like at the oilfield hell which went too deep often amp is used to create synthesis effect in the oilfield hell 11.5 Amp provides Amp MTN DEW to the user 11.6 Amp Unlocks the mail system to the user 11.7 Amp causes many disease and a cure only exist for about half 11.8 If cured amp must be set to specific amp MTN DEW Abilities like Obtaining AMP MTN DEW at a store or obtaining amp MTN Dew by mail 11.9 Amp is very dangerous but I heard you can store marijuana in it 12.0 Gate or medical epitalon 12.1 Gate heals a signal, when the appropriate full poly gate is given at gate inverse gate for the whole range, then the recreational drug is formed 12.2 When gate is given in appropriate range to heal a generic signal and there is a gate inverse gate assembly for the whole range and the range does not exceed healthy and unhealthy there is a vaccine 12.3 When the vaccine is used in the recreational usage there is a battlesedative usage 12.4 A purely recreational use FLIP (few) exists, a purely recreational use CBX (20) exists, REDS medical (156) and BAGS (30) Medical Exist all also using Medical Gate 12.5 Gate has no cure of itself but can detoxify itself and even fetch a signal 12.6 Gate is not a signal router so should not be used to route a signal, this is emergency feature 12.7 Gate has various parameters which are always REDS 9,.02,10,333,-inf in a medical usage 12.8 Many gate have a use to create pressure with nominal pressure, gates can create pressure 12.9 Gates can refine a computer signal to detect right and are involved with doing work on something 13.0 Compressor or Pipes 13.1 Compressor Routes a signal somewhere else 13.2 Compressor Does quality assurance on an existing foundry full product 13.3 Compressor does the engine compression of a car without causing framerate lag 13.4 Compressor can do something on bequest of another pipe 13.5 Compressor has a variable pipe response to different substance, different behavior can be specified 13.6 Compressor in quality assurance should use the same sybian knee and threshold equal one another 13.7 Compressor in quality assurance should not exceed 5 minor acts of quality control 6 or 1 major act of quality control 12 13.8 Compressor causes unsteady supply 13.9 Compressor causes internal combustion in internal combustion 14.0 Delay or phase 14.1 Phase or delay can do surgery at 500 and 1000 and 0 rather third unused there is surgery 14.2 Phase or delay can do a keyboard retrieval or a keyboard flash at 333,666,999 14.3 Phase or delay can do shift register at 5000 14.4 Phase or delay can do manual register at 375,500,1000 14.5 Phase has a specific infinite ammo use at 4000 14.6 Phase has a firearms use at 37.5,50,75,100,200 except in blueprint use 14.7 Phase has a blueprint use 1,2.12,5,10,11.1,15,20,22.2,25,33.3,35,44.4,50,55.5,60,66.6,70,75,77.7,80,100 14.8 Phase has specific blueprint use of the offset of the individual components at the high end 14.9 Phase has splitter use of 5000,2111, and the firearms rate in splitter 15.0 Looper, or Pizza Box 15.1 Pizza box automatically cooks food at minus 20 15.2 Pizza box creates more of the food than you can believe 15.3 Pizza Box allows for the food to be cooked from Pizza Box to Pizza Box 15.4 Pizza Box Allows theft of item when recording 15.5 Pizza Box Is An Obligate Time Consumer Using Wav 15.6 Pizza Box Allows You to Get an Item from the Pizza Box (PIZZA SLICE) 15.7 Pizza Box Only Actually Cooks the Item on Retrieval 15.8 Pizza Box is Not Watertight And Cannot Become Watertight 15.9 Hit Circle (PIZZA) To Add Pizza or Other Food to Pizza Box Directly In 16.0 Frequency Shifter, F(X), Oxidation Reduction 16.1 Use oxidation reduction at exactly 500 Therms of oxidation to cook a food 16.1 Add 11.1 HZ At 50HZ Oxidation Variation to Cook the Food Well 16.2 Change Offset at Oxidation Reduction Parameter Offsetor to Change Food Flavor 16.3 Put an Aircraft literally into the sky by Oxidizing it 16.4 Peroxos, or Base Frequency Shift In Parts of F100 are a critical part of many life processes 16.5 A specific peroxos, lowest phosphors peroxos .01 scanning peroxos is involved with vision 16.6 Peroxos F4100 is involved with life that uses credit stick 16.7 All the peroxos of the intermediary shift between harmonic are involved with life 16.8 Alien Peroxos set outside the reference 261.5HZ Pussy Yeast Bread Harmonic Ledger Are undiscovered 16.9 Different family tree have different total peroxos set (Saplings) 17.0 Power Tools Driver or EQ3 17.1 A power Tools Driver is the old way to disassemble something 17.2 A power tools driver at 300 is the life jacket and at 650 is the bedpan 17.4 A powers tool driver at 1400 is the water filter and a power tools driver at 4100 is the grinder 17.5 A powers tool driver action of all three below 200 50-200 is the cooking request action in classic usage 17.6 A specific powers tool driver action sensor exists for cooking below all three 50-200 total range action 17.7 A powers tools driver with osc unlocks power tools motor action 17.8 A powers tool driver is a worse way to do work than with your hands 17.9 A powers tool driver is good at removing but not adding 18.0 Limiter or Limiter Removal 18.1 Limiter brings in Shadow Company And IDF And Blind Doxxons at Lowest 18.2 Limiter Brings in the Marines at Mid 18.3 Limiter brings in the seals at High 18.4 Limiter causes framerate lag 18.5 Limiter causes A signal to exhibit a perfect quality control even at extreme levels 18.6 Limiter can be used to tame paddles 18.7 Limiter can be used to tame drilling 18.8 Limiter can be used to examine something under a microscope 18.9 Limiter can make the psychoacoustic quality better 19.0 Beat Repeat, or Illformed Glitch Driver 19.1 Glitch Has Large Amounts of Turing Capacity 19.2 Glitch Allows for a signal to be broken into parts automatically 19.3 Glitch has a natural synchro ability like phase 19.4 Glitch has the ability to knacker a signal more than any other effect 19.5 Glitch can cause thought looping when it is combined with a drug 19.6 Glitch involves the usage of more constraints than the other effects vector 19.7 Glitch Phase Decimates the Signal 19.8 Glitch Is the Natural Form of Rocket Leauge Ice Block 19.9 Glitch can be used in gung fu to cure glitch 20.0 Utility or PHEN 20.1 Utility is the medical modifier which enables medicine to function 20.2 Utility is the phase amplifier which allow a phase transistor radio to pick up a signal 20.3 Utility is the suppression signal which yields mid from amidate 20.4 Utility Leads to natural divisions of 6 max 35 20.5 Utility forms methanol when it is prescribed as a compound 20.6 Methanol as utility is critical to curing the body's natural influenza or feedback as the methylation factor 20.7 Methanol as the utility is dangerous as a precursor but not as a component of promethylation medicines 20.8 Utility comes in ethanol above and gaba below at threes for dimerism mixes 20.9 Only one utility should be used unless rezurecting and at its highest it is critical to security signals being sensed 21.0 Reverb or Impulse 21.1 Impulse 10 is the lock unlock signal 21.2 Impulse 5 is the locked signal 21.3 Impulse 20 is the weed lock signal locked 21.4 Impulse 60 is the lucas impulse 21.5 Impulse 120 is the notch impulse 21.6 Impulse 2 1/2 Was Purported but Never Used 21.7 Impulse is always measured at no parameter 21.8 Impulse yields push for 5 second -40-20+35 positive with negative ten second and measured trace at 5 second -60-40+42 positive NANDAND unlocks token 21.9 When attempted 60 and 120 Second Trace were successful but these parameter are lost. 22.0 Auto Filter, or Amidate 22.1 Auto filter is the lettering of the situation 22.2 300 Source 650 Sulfur 1400 Water 4100 SnoreLax Olestra Ketamine 6500 Motion 10000 Tropane 13500 Engine 17000 X-Ray these are the critical amidate to life process nominal 22.3 450 Metal 550 Mains 750 Sewage 850 Treatment 2250 Ethanol 3400 Methanol 4700 Corn Plastic 5700 Plastic 7500 Rimbonant 8500 Soap Use are the natural taxing process of the initial statement 22.4 2000 Gold 1000 Nutraloaf 1100 Starch 1200 Sugar 1300 Glycine 1400 Hydrogen 1500 Pepsi Cola (1600 Peptide 1 1700 Peptide 6 1800 Peptide 3) 4100 Foods these are the nutrient for the system 22.5 131 Female Voice 144 Your Voice 155 Kick Drum 165 Kick Transient 175 Pots N Pans 185 Pots Content 196 Button Mushroom 220 Cache 240 Stash 262 Marisol 276 Clorox 296 Bluewater 300 Source 315 Febreeze 330 Peroxide 350 Nitrate 370 Ammonium 396 Loam 420 Bud 440 Dirt 470 Wheat 496 Soil 512 Potato these are the farm goods for the system 22.6 541 Muffler 581 Transmission 641 Piston 681 Engine 741 Cargo 781 Chassis 841 Fluids 900 Vaseline 999 Nutraloaf 1090 Soylent These are the willis goods of the situation 22.6 60HZ Patient Voice 131HZ Therapist Voice 300 Breath 650 Reanolin 1400 Aquaporin 4100 Cholesterol 6500 Weed 10000 Cocaine 13500 Amide 17000 Lisuride these are the tactical therapist of the situation, normally limited to cholesterol below and tuned to exact bodily process 22.7 -18 Utility This takes 125% 3.00Q to Mid, where a Dual And Dual Q resolves it at -33(MID), and can adjust for the natural armor process of the body -20-0 gate to adjust for the high signal 22.8 5000 Prozac 5100 Benadryl 5200 Scopolamine 5300 Atropine 5400 Benzyldiol this is the resuscitators of the situation 22.9 At 69 percent of 100 percent of the auto filter, 85% resonance is automatic mid 23.0 Drum Bus or Mike Mode 23.1 Drum bus makes the oil automatically virtual like modulator mode 23.2 Drum bus oil is especially good for general tasks, but it virtual 23.3 Drum buss summons the better drummer out of the bus 23.4 Drum bus is able to be flangebent 23.5 Drum bus is similar to communion but just mike 23.6 Drum bus allows for the shape of the item to be controlled 23.7 Drum buss allows for quality assurance to be undertaken 23.8 Drum bus makes the item profiled by mike the drummer from garageband 23.9 Jake the Drummer from Garageband Generally profiles and designs the item otherwise 24.1 Drive Sends the Signal to pikachu 24.1 Drive makes the world on the pikadollar standard above 3 use in chain 24.2 Drive increases oil yield 24.3 Drive is similar to flaring but is in reverse, adds pyrolysis to the product but also flares 24.4 Drive can be used to flare and actually control beyond flaring a aeronautical ship 24.5 Drive can be used for afterburners 24.6 Drive increases the torque of electric engines and their tone 24.7 Drive can be used to amputate a torn limb or saw something when used with osc 24.8 Drive can be used to extract oil better underground with tuning high and low 24.9 Drive is a typical stimulant which assumes the amine profile and is a critical part of transition metals.

About me, Job compensation + benefits, CoL for reference

About me:

• Ethnicity + Name: Indian (south asian) as hell.
• Work experience: 3+ years of co-op / internships. (Didn't matter, read full post). No big name internships, just random startups.
• University: University of Waterloo (Mech eng Bachelors; robotics / AI / ML background)
• Graduated 2023, 2.1 GPA
• Applications sent: over 10,000; this is not a joke. Shotgun approach mostly.
• Interviews: 5. Not 50 or 500, but FIVE.
• Disabilities: Autism / Aspergers. Made the interviews hell for me.

Compensation / Benefits:

• $70,000 Base (salaried, boss doesn't care if I leave early as long as I get work done)
• Work as little time as you want as long as you get the work done. I work 5 hrs a day on average now.
• $10,000-30,000 Profit sharing + Bonuses (directly put into 401k / Roth, company does additional 4x matching for bonuses only; reaching bonuses literally made a senior engineer a multi-millionaire here over 20 years in his 401k).
• Guaranteed raise after 6 months of stay / onboarding finished.
• Subsidized Masters / Ph.D. sponsored by the company.
• Full health + life + vision + dental insurance.
• Contracted inflation pay raise every year.
• Weekly pay.
• Paid maternity + paternity.
• Vacations whenever, just make sure you get your job done on time and let manager know before hand. Any vacation over 1 week must be approved by HR and other management levels. Be reasonable about how often you take it (Senior devs often take 1-2 weeks off every 2 months unless tight deadlines).
• Boss literally told me to go the fuck home when I tried staying overtime out of guilt / confusion.

Cost of Living:

• Low? Breakdown below, idk how to determine.
• Studio apartment + internet + heat + water < $1050.
• Average food cost (groceries + eating out every other day + weekly pizza) < $400.
  • Loaf of bread for reference: $1.99
• Downsides: neighbor won't stop smoking weed; the smell is annoying every Friday. Ugh.
• Downsides: Extremely car-centric area; no public transportation.

Listen to the goddamn Boomers / Gen X folks here

As much as the older folks are 'behind the times', you need to remember who is still disproportionately in charge of companies and how they are structured, even in the tech sector. Hell, I had my dad (the BOOMIEST BOOMER I know) help me out.
I went to my 7th job fair after graduation about 2-3 months ago (Feb 2024) and my dad came with me as moral support. Just as usual with most job fairs, there isn't anyone there actively recruiting for engineering / IT / software roles because of the current market. BUT, my dad was having a 'fun' chat with the CTO of a random medium sized company and they both hit it off HARD. Both of them were born in the same part of India, went to the same temples there, and they just kept on chatting. Next thing I know, this same CTO came to me and asked if I was competent at engineering and he'd like to interview me on the spot, but sadly his company had no open software roles. I agreed.
I shit you not, this test was this simple and BLEW it:

1. What is Ohms law? (I got this right)
2. What is an inverter? (I got this wrong)
3. What is a diode? What is it's symbol? (I got this right)
4. Explain what an LED is and what it's symbol is. (I got this half right)
5. What is the purpose of a rectifier? (I got this wrong)
6. Questions about embedded C/C++ (I don't even know the language well T.T)

Thing is, the interviewer was really interested NOT in my capabilities or even my previous experiences. He was intrigued at just how many questions I asked and how I even asked some questions he didn't know the answer to, and how quickly I learnt the information. He told me to come to the company's HQ because he wanted me to meet the R&D manager.
1 week later
I met the R&D guy. Something I noticed is that this whole department was filled with dinosaurs. Not a single human within a 1 km radius appeared below the age of 50 outside of the technicians / trades folk. These dinos didn't even know how to post a job online without the help of HR (I'm sure everyone here knows how HR writes posts and filters applications). Just after half an hour of talking and the R&D manager apparently loved me because "this kid knows jack shit but he's a sponge, he'll learn faster than anyone else we got", which is apparently what R&D is actively looking for in fresh recruits.
Then bam-bam-boom, I got my position starting at this pay, with a guaranteed pay boost after onboarding + training is finished in 6 months, while I bombed every interview question / test. My position is as an R&D Engineer specializing in Embedded Design / Programming. Hell, one of my first projects is to tinker around and try to create and integrate a custom trained AI model with Altium to see if the autopathing system and autolayouts can be made better and human centric if possible.
I looked into this company's history and they have an average employee tenure of 10+ years without a single person ever being laid off ever since 1985. People wouldn't actively stay at a company that long without job hopping if the pay wasn't satisfactory or if it was toxic. Plus it was written into my contract that base pay is tied to inflation!
What are the lessons here?

1. Don't quit. It's a shitty market, but a 0.01% chance is INFINITELY better than 0% if you stop trying.
2. Have a boomer / gen x person help you network and connect you with other boomer / gen x people. Boomers and Gen X folks hire more based on word of mouth and interactions than younger folk like me who focus on the 'skills' part of the resume.
3. Become a sponge. The more absorbent you are and the more questions you ask, the more the senior engineers will love you and actively want you on their team.
4. Target industries that are filled with older folks in white collar positions (assuming you want white collar positions). Here are some examples:
   1. Metallurgy (filled with trades people and old engineers, they are actively looking for fresh blood in white collar areas).
   2. Agriculture (mechanization).
   3. Carpentry (same as metallurgy above).
   4. Welding companies (they have active R&D for building welding machines, just like metallurgy and carpentry sectors).
5. Learn, learn, and learn. Especially for the first job you get, especially so if you don't have internships / co-op experience, people will look for your ability to learn. How fast can you learn everything we teach you?
6. HR seldom knows what the company wants / needs when they post job listings. Getting out there and talking to NOT the recruiters but the engineers will give you that edge. Bonus points if you also do bullet point 2.
7. Be ambitious with your future goals. Not just pretend; you'll run out of steam. If you are ambitious despite your current situation, people will see it and engineers / senior developers will like it. That was also one of the things a senior there liked about me and explicitly said "you're ambitions behind closed doors, I love it, you'll go far and I hope you take the company there with you; more profits for all of us!".
8. Nepotism isn't the right word for how many here think of the job situation, it's just much MUCH more networking than previously thought. This has it's own issues like for those from disadvantaged / foreign backgrounds, but this world isn't fair, and that won't change reality.

Check my post history to know I was literally in your position just a few months ago. I hope this post helps people.

I dont think this is a horror story. So i play Warhammer 40k with some of my closest friends and we play at my flat every other week. At first things were going smooth as we moved into 10th edition and i led the charge on learning the rules and regulating them, becoming a kind of GM for 40k.
Unfortunately we started running into hiccups as one of our players, we'll call him Matt, started showing symptoms of "That Guy". Specific examples ill list below but some general occurances were:
-Matt's models are always "better" than someone elses, like his bodyguards are better than Joe's bodyguards because of X and Y.
-Casually remarking that he always thought the new model youre building was really ugly.
-Becoming extremely agitated when dice dont roll well and often zoning out/not paying attention if he starts losing
-Making grumbly comments when his units are destroyed like "Fun.", "So glad i painted you" and such.
-Advising others not to buy certain units or entire armies because "my army will counter everything they do"
-If you have any countermeasures to prevent Matt's units from obliterating yours off the board (Stealth, Lone Op, Smoke, Invuln), he becomes very frustrated, saying things like "I cant get a fair chance to fight can i?"
-If you have anything that can obliterate any of his units off the board, he will refuse to play against that army.
-Constantly getting his rules wrong, to his advantage
-Getting irritated whenever someone asks to see the Codex/Cards to confirm something.
-Grumbling and glaring whenever another player does anything interactive: deepstrike by his warlord, charge one of his valuable units, destroy a tank, overwatch, or out melee his melee unit.
It was getting bad enough i put a hold on games and we've been on hiatus for 3 months. Im unsure quite what to do about it, and playing with others has really highlighted the issues, but he a genuinely cool guy and outside of warhammer and love him to bits, just complicated.

i’ve been hiatus for the past couple of months, Mainly I forced myself to get off my reddit because I felt like I needed to make action instead of taking my problems to reddit.
Its been good!! I don’t really have this obsession anymore. Im glad to say I can enjoy the outdoors even when humid smoke is out there.
To me, The smell and aroma doesnt effect me anymore. The amount of times ive been around the aroma and full blown smoke clouds on a hot and humid day is too many to count, But have I ever really gotten contact high? No. Have I had a deep gut feeling that I will or have? Sure. But it never truly happened.
Ive grown to know that I was just simply traumatized as shit, Other background trauma is a aspect to it but, For the most part I needed to recollect myself.
The only thing I really struggle with now is I get a migraine if I smell marijuana most times, But thats only because strong smells trigger such headaches.
Questions Ive asked myself Or you might ask
What if Im in a room and it smells?
By all means do what you have to do, But dont freak out and storm outside like how I have in the past. But do your best to collect yourself, Try to exercise the fear.
What if my friends smoke weed?
If your friends are mature or arent total pot heads, Let them know your boundaries. And if they are jackasses about it. Please save yourself the stress and find better friends. Been there done that.
What if im in a hotboxed area/room/environment?
Being in a small and very hotboxed room is probably the only way youll really get “contact high” in a public setting. But, Do your best to avoid places like that lol. But simply just leave, Fan away your nose if you need to. But if you’re at a party, or a concert. Youll be a okay if you just get past the smell. Took a while for me to get there.
remember, tell yourself that what ever someone else does, Should not, Could not, Would not effect you.
I still struggle with being optimistic. Writing this still has me feeling like that it could happen some day. But till now i must know ill be okay for the most part.

If there's one thing I know about the Dota community, it's that people love Tinker. Ever since the last few patches, Tinker has nearly disappeared from our pubs. Around the world, Dota players are crying out for the return of Tinker, and luckily for you all I'm here to propose the buffs that this hero needs!
I think most people would agree that Tinker has 3 boring spells and rearm (free BoT counts as part of the ult). And while the intro paragraph is obviously a joke, for those of us that do enjoy the hero, the entire fun aspect of it is how rearm allows Tinker to interact with items in a way that no other hero can. A different approach to one of the major progression systems in the game makes the hero very unique and enjoyable to play.
Neutral items have been in the game for a while now, and yet still none of them interact with rearm like normal items do. When they were first introduced I figured Valve didn't want to have to deal with rearm when balancing them, but years down the line it's time to address the interaction. To give a glance at how this would actually change the hero, I've gone through the list of current neutral items with active abilities and rated the impact of each item (and chosen some that would need to be banned from working with rearm a la BKB).
Tier 1
Arcane Ring: Starting off with a bang! making +75 mana a rearmable effect would be a significant buff for a hero with heavy mana issues. Given Tinker's current state I don't necessarily think it would be broken, but it would be by far the best t1 neutral for him and would introduce huge variance into Tinker games based on whether or not he gets a free mini soul ring at min 7. Verdict: not rearmable
Royal Jelly: It needs to build charges over time anyways, so rearming the active ability basically does nothing. Verdict: allowed
Seeds of Serenity: +10 hp regen is nice but not that crazy. I don't actually know if the regen from multiple seeds stacks but I doubt it. Assuming the regen from multiple casts doesn't stack. Verdict: allowed
Trusty Shovel: Is sitting in fountain rearming to dig for bounty runes worth it? I very much doubt it, but I do know that if it's an option I'm going to have "support" Tinkers on my team doing it. Verdict: not rearmable
Pig Pole: Why chain hex enemies when you can chain hex yourself? Funny, but obviously not useful. Verdict: allowed
Safety bubble: Based on the wording I don't think rearm would cause the shield to instantly replenish.
Tier 2
Bullwhip: A small slow / speed buff being rearmable isn't a big deal. Verdict: allowed
Light collector: Not very useful unless you're trying to impress a Timbersaw player. Verdict: allowed
Tier 3
Craggy Coat: Permanent +12 armor could actually be pretty strong considering that Tinker doesn't care about movespeed. Unfortunately Tinker also really doesn't want to be in the middle of things to make good use of it. Solid ability but not OP. Verdict: allowed
Defiant Shell: Tinker obviously doesn't get a lot of value from free right clicks, so not very useful. Verdict: allowed
Dandelion Amulet: Rearming a 300 magic dmg barrier on top of defense matrix is very strong. Add that to the item giving 300 mana and this would be a powerful option. I'm on the fence, but I think this one might be a little too OP for a tier 3 item. Verdict: not rearmable
Doubloon: I didn't even remember this thing had a cooldown without looking it up. Useless. Verdict: allowed
Ogre Seal Totem: Basically a force staff, which is nice to have but usually not bought on Tinker due to slot restrictions. This feels roughly equivalent to Dandelion Amulet to me. I think it's a little bit overtuned as a rearmable t3 item. Verdict: not rearmable
Tier 4
Martyr's Plate: Just in case the enemy team is doing a poor job focusing you, you can do it for them! Obviously awful. Verdict: allowed
Ninja Gear: Permanent smoke is really nice for finding safe farm on the map in the lategame. The stats are useless for Tinker, which I think prevents this from pushing into OP territory. Roughly the level of utility to expect out of neutral items at this stage. Verdict: allowed
Stormcrafter: The cooldown is already so low that rearming isn't a very big DPS increase, and it requires you to be close anyways. Verdict: allowed
Ascetic's Cap: The status resist stacked with defense matrix is quite strong. However, this is most important for when you first get jumped, which doesn't require rearm. Being able to reapply the bonus status resist during a fight is certainly nice, but I don't think it's OP. Verdict: allowed
Havoc Hammer: A 0 mana AoE nuke is really strong with rearm. On the other hand, it scales on str and has very small range. It's a great farming item, but by this point Tinker will have lvl 18 and shiva's already, so doesn't have issues clearing waves. The nuke is actually a good chunk of damage, even with Tinker's subpar strength values. The short range definitely brings it down since you will be close enough for enemies to stop your rearm, but I think the added damage is just too much. Verdict: not rearmable
Mind Breaker: Tinker doesn't right click. If you really want to perma-silence someone orchid (or just hex, obviously) works better. Verdict: allowed
Trickster's Cloak: Some nice utility given that it doesn't take up a slot, but rearmable invis is already in the game and not very strong. Verdict: allowed
Tier 5
Book of Shadows: Pseudo perma-disable for an enemy or permanent invuln for an ally. Chaining this on an ally just makes Tinker the target instead, and enemies can BKB or go invis between applications. Casting it on an enemy makes them untargetable, so you can't truly perma-disable someone with it since you can't recast until after the effect ends. Also worth noting that you can't go perma-invuln yourself since it silences, and the cooldown is already super short. Obviously strong but not crazy for a t5 item. Verdict: allowed
Force boots: Rearmable force staff was OP for a t3 item, but by t5 it's fine. Verdict: allowed
Magic lamp: no lol. Verdict: not rearmable
Pirate Hat: By 60+ minutes sitting in fountain rearming dig might actually be a good, safe way to farm when the map is dark. Good or not, sitting in fountain is boring and shouldn't be promoted. Verdict: not rearmable
Arcanist's Armor: I have to confess that in all my 60+ minute games I've never gotten a good feel for exactly how much this item is doing. On paper the active sounds insane with 100% uptime so I would say it's probably OP, but idk. Verdict: not rearmable
Book of the Dead: What's a level 3 Necronomicon? The units get replaced on recast, so you can't build an army of them. I honestly don't think this ability is too crazy, though back when necrobook existed it didn't work with rearm. The stats are good on Tinker too which makes is stronger, but I still don't think it's out of line. Verdict: allowed
Mirror Shield: This would make Tinker nearly untouchable against a lot of lineups. It's already one of his favorite endgame items without rearm. Verdict: not rearmable
Seer Stone: Maphacks time! The ability is super strong with rearm, obviously. The stats on this are also amazing for Tinker, which I think pushes it past acceptable strength. Verdict: not rearmable
Thanks for coming to my TED talk if you made it this far. Anyways, this is mostly a QoL change since most neutral items either don't have cooldowns or give abilities that don't interact well with rearm. Meaningful buffs would happen at the t4 and t5 items, but Tinker is not a great user of most of those to begin with.

Severe allergy options (MCAS)/Transdermal alternatives
It is suspected that I may have a mast cell disorder, which prevents me from sleeping and causes tremendous physical pain.
Antihistamines and cannabis products are the only things that help, but I find I am having severe reactions to smoking or vaporizing (not vaping) flower (THC or CBD). This could possibly be due to mold or heavy metals (or nickel, which I am allergic to).
Edibles either do not work, or cause tremendous reactions due to the common ingredients used. I am missing my gallbladder, so that doesn’t help.
Tinctures have never worked, and never will. I have a genetic disorder, which probably contributes to this.
What DOES work is transdermal patches over a vein. Unfortunately, they are incredibly expensive, and I am finding it difficult to obtain a medical marijuana until my next GP appointment, which is a bit away.
I am getting more severe symptoms very fast, and desperately need relief or pain and sleep, as no other prescribed or OTC medications seem to work.
Cannabis creams and ointments also had no effect. But the patches worked more than tremendously, and to my loved one I looked like myself again, before I became disabled. It let me sleep through the night without pain, it eased the physical pain. My autonomic Dysfuction and blood pooling even improved while using the patch.
My question is, are there alternatives to transdermal patches with a similar effect, that is more cost effective, or has multiple uses? I cannot work due to disability and getting disability in the US is a lengthy process, and I am in the waiting period, so my budget is strapped.
Because of my allergic reactions, multiple ingredients pose an issue, while patches contain THC, CBD, CBN etc isloates. My only reaction is to the adhesive, but I can handle that just fine.
I have limited knowledge of cannabis products, but there got to be a similar alternative to patches. I live in a legal state so I can go out an buy products, it’s just expensive as hell. 16 dollars per patch. I can try online stores, but I don’t know which ones are best or legit. I also prefer a bit of THC as it helps distract from the pain.
Any advice or resources helps! Thank you!

Looking for a better opportunity!
I currently work at Dollar General, and I’ve been contemplating looking for another job, mostly because I don’t have a drivers license or a working car. I’ve been thinking of applying for Sheetz or Walmart. I’ve told my SM I’ve thought about going to either and she said “if you can’t handle it here, you won’t be able to handle it there, it’s much more high paced work.” I feel like she’s just BS’ing just to get me to stay, but if that’s true, I’d like to know from the people who actually work there. Is the pay and benefits worth it? Are the hours good? Good customers? Do they drug test? (I smoke marijuana, that’s why I ask the latter question). Working at DG for the last 2 years, I’ve coke to realize that the amount of work we do there does not equal what we are getting paid. And I’ve been saying, the amount of work would be more worth it and with a lot less complaining if we were actually paid a decent amount. Indeed shows that even just part time employees start out at twice what I make at DG part time.

I currently work at Dollar General, and I’ve been contemplating looking for another job, mostly because I don’t have a drivers license or a working car. I’ve been thinking of applying for Sheetz or Walmart. I’ve told my SM I’ve thought about going to Sheetz and she said “if you can’t handle it here, you won’t be able to handle it there, it’s much more high paced work.” I feel like she’s just BS’ing just to get me to stay, but if that’s true, I’d like to know from the people who actually work there. Is the pay and benefits worth it? Are the hours good? Good customers? Do they drug test? (I smoke marijuana, that’s why I ask the latter question). Working at DG for the last 2 years, I’ve coke to realize that the amount of work we do there does not equal what we are getting paid. And I’ve been saying, the amount of work would be more worth it and with a lot less complaining if we were actually paid a decent amount. Indeed shows that even just part time employees start out at 14$ an hour, which is twice what I get paid part time hourly at DG.

Hi everyone. I am an athletic trainer moving to Louisiana for my graduate medical training. I have already been offered and accepted a position at a hospital, however I am running across a major problem.
My job has a no exceptions policy on drugs, and if I am suspected of being under the influence, I will be fired immediately. The main issue is marijuana. I am clean, but my roommate who is one of my long term best friends smokes pretty much every day, all day (she works from home). I am worried that if the smell clings on clothes, I will be terminated, or if I get secondhand from smoke, I will be terminated. I know that Louisiana is an at-will state and I can get fired for just about anything.
I guess what I'm trying to figure out is if there is anything I can do to prevent this? I am moving from out of state here, and I need a roommate as my finances aren't in order to live alone, so I went with a friend vs a stranger. If I were to get a medical card, would that help my case? I have asked my friend if she can just smoke outside vs inside, but if she does while I'm at work, there's too many possibilities that I could get in trouble. I just really need help as I don't want to talk to HR at the hospital because that might put a target on my back.

Hi everyone. I am an athletic trainer moving to Louisiana for my graduate medical training. I have already been offered and accepted a position at a hospital, however I am running across a major problem.
My job has a no exceptions policy on drugs, and if I am suspected of being under the influence, I will be fired immediately. The main issue is marijuana. I am clean, but my roommate who is one of my long term best friends smokes pretty much every day, all day (she works from home). I am worried that if the smell clings on clothes, I will be terminated, or if I get secondhand from smoke, I will be terminated. I know that Louisiana is an at-will state and I can get fired for just about anything.
I guess what I’m trying to figure out is if there is anything I can do to prevent this? I am moving from out of state here, and I need a roommate as my finances aren’t in order to live alone, so I went with a friend vs a stranger. If I were to get a medical card, would that help my case? I have asked my friend if she can just smoke outside vs inside, but if she does while I’m at work, there’s too many possibilities that I could get in trouble. I just really need help as I don’t want to talk to HR at the hospital because that might put a target on my back.