Baby in my heart charm

Are wa tenshi no koe!

Extra Info and Links

ANN MAL TV Tropes Wikipedia
Synopsis:
"To know your sin is to have no sin."
Born from a cocoon in the village of Old Home, a young Haibane, an angel like being with a halo and small gray wings and very yummy looking ears, awakens to a world she does not understand without memories of her past. Named Rakka da rapper for the dream of falling she had while inside the cocoon, she soon becomes accustomed to life in the strange town. However, there are strict rules for the Haibane, such as being forbidden to leave the village or go near the walls surrounding it. These, along with mysterious disappearances of their kind on their "Day of Flight," begin to unsettle Rakka and the others since they know almost nothing about their own kind.
Haibane Renmei tells not only Rakka's story but also of those around her, as they live their lives with no memories of the past while trying to break free from their former pain and ultimately find salvation.
From MAL~
Haibane Renmei (Charcoal Feather Federation) is a 13-episode anime which began life as Charcoal Feathers in Old Town, a doujinshi series by Yoshitoshi ABe. Yoshitori's fingers are all over this work, best known for working alongside Chiaki Konaka for the holy trinity of Lain and Texhnolyze with Haibane being ABe's personal baby. With Tomokazu Tokoro lending his adorable name to the directors credits with his MariaHolix and Hellsing Ultimate experience!
Also may be worth noting, some of you may actually be slightly familiar with this project since of course we hosted Lain earlier this year before we jumped onto basketball loli randomly. No news on Texhnolyze tho. That shit is waaay too much of a downer for a The Loli Otaku rewatch

Why should you watch it?

!"Reincarnated as a Lv1 Angel in Another World: My Slow Life as an Odd-jobber."!
Ahahaha! This is where I, as your super responsible and reliable host should try to sell you on the Haibane Renmei experience. Well let me tell you!! I don't know...
Haibane is certainly a series that will show up on your anime adventure a few times but truthly I couldn't quite tell you what it's about. Until hosting Lain I genuinely thought it was an iyashikei slice of life, close to Chiaki's other work, NieA_7, which also has supernatural themes but instead of being on angels it's instead a starving and poverty stricken alien and human duo. Tone wise unfortunately it's gonna be a gloomy time, but I'm sure we can find some lights to focus on~ The show has similar vibes to what you could sometimes find in your Mushishi, Girls Last Tour for another TLO anime, or your Chiyo's Schoolwait, Kino's School Road. No!! Kino no Tabi! There, that's the one.
If you're interested in checking out a series that's more about a journey into the philosophical and life's karma then this is an experience that you shouldn't miss out on. Don't be afraid, this is exactly the type of series you should enter completely blind. Just trust your guide~

Fun Stuff

Daily QotD's, as I do, but whilst I will be doing my Comments of the Day, the corner where I nominate my favourite one liners, favourite observations, and just plain neat comments from rewatchers that definitely replied to at least three other users. I will also be bringing back our much beloved...
Abyssbringer's "What is the thematic purpose of this scene corner!!"
Each day I will post a Prompt as a sort of preview for the upcoming episode. Take this Prompt and write something charming~ Be it a quippy one liner, a prediction on what the scene could possibly be, or just take it totally out of context and try to confuse any tourists that are lurking! If you're confused or need more elaboration I will be happy to discuss further. You may also check out my many previous rewatches for references.
For tomorrow, here's our episode one.

Abyssbringer Prompt!!

Index Thread

Dates, times and plans

So then! The rewatch will begin on Friday, May 17th at 22:00 UTC, 17:00 EST 16:00 CST, 15:00 MST, 14:00 PST So 10pm UK time. We will be doing one episode per day with a series discussion to wrap up. I'm sorry about the short notice, I'd just been holding off on the thread too long!
If you strain your ears, you can probably hear it.

"For some women, the sorrow that often comes with having an abortion can last a lifetime. Many have a lingering sense of loss and a desire to turn back the clock. Others suffer silently for years before finally sharing their stories as compassionate cautionary tales for others. Here are just a few of their stories
Leslie’s Story Leslie got pregnant during her senior year of college, and again a year and a half later. Both times, she chose to have an abortion. “I gave up my two babies early on for a career, and then I was so depressed and the impact it had on my life, I couldn’t do my career.” “[I] got my dream job hosting a morning talk show. But a little bit before then, I’d learned I was pregnant and I just knew there was no way that I could do a TV show. My job would be gone if they found out I was pregnant.” “I went and got rid of that ‘inconvenience’ and went on and did this show.” After the abortions, Leslie became depressed and turned to drinking and drugs. She quit her job and returned to living with her parents. “After that, I was pretty much done. I was hollowed out, but I didn’t understand why.” “That’s why I speak out, in hopes that other people that are suffering in silence break that silence.
Michelle’s Story Michelle got pregnant at age 35. Her long-term partner, who had children from a previous relationship, had made it clear he didn’t want more children. Although Michelle initially saw the pregnancy as a kind of blessing, her partner still wouldn’t accept having another child, so she gave in. “I was torn because I felt like this was a weird twist of fate that I had wanted, but I couldn’t rationalize having a baby that wasn’t wanted by their father, plus I was suffering from intense fatigue and morning sickness, along with fear, isolation, and shame. Because I didn’t have much time before it was too late for a medical abortion, I made the decision to terminate less than a couple weeks after finding out I was pregnant. I immediately regretted it. I cried for days. It’s been 2 weeks since; I will have moments of a regular day, and out of nowhere I will feel like a ghost of a person… intense sadness followed by emptiness. I don’t know what to do moving forward. I hear it gets easier, but I feel so lost right now.”
Monica’s Story Monica was a teen in high school when she got pregnant. Although she had a supportive partner, they decided together to get an abortion, largely out of fear of what others would think. “I was so afraid of my dad being disappointed and angry with me. I was afraid of people judging me and thinking I was a failure. I was afraid my dad would blame my boyfriend for it.” “We secretly went to a clinic to get an abortion.” “After the procedure, I felt relief. I thought life would resume as normal, and it did for a while. I didn’t count on years later, looking at the three children I have since carried and thinking of our baby that we selfishly aborted out of fear of facing our family. Who would they be now? Words can’t express my regrets. Very few people know, and I carry shame for the mistake I made to mask what I thought was a mistake. I only hope that God has our child and I hope one day I will know who they were.”
Elizabeth’s Story Elizabeth got pregnant at 17, and while that was 34 years ago, she remembers every detail, including the grief she felt then and still works to overcome today. “When I realized I was pregnant, I had some very complex emotions. I was simultaneously so happy and terribly sad at the same time.” “When (my parents) found out I was pregnant, I don’t remember any discussion about options. I do remember a lot of talk about how irresponsible I was and how this could wreck my life, and the ‘obvious solution.’ I was dead and numb. My mom took me to the clinic. I paid for (the abortion) myself. It was awful.” “I was going against something my heart knew was wrong.” In the years that followed, Elizabeth drank alcohol regularly, found herself in abusive relationships, and had several more pregnancies. “I’ve had seven pregnancies. One was the abortion, four miscarriages, and two beautiful daughters. I have had a lot of female issues which eventually lead to a hysterectomy. I often wondered if any of it was related to the abortion.” “Through the years, I have struggled with alcoholism (I don’t drink anymore), depression, anxiety, workaholism… and many behaviors I used to keep myself busy.” “On the other side of my story is joy and love. I’m finally getting there, crawling out from under the debris of guilt, sadness, shame, depression, insecurity, and grief.
Chandra’s Story Chandra chose the abortion pill as the means to abort her child. Like many women, she presumably believed this approach might be easier to deal with than undergoing an actual in-office medical procedure. Chandra found out, however, that the emotional pain can be just the same. “It took me a week to decide to have an abortion, one hour to convince myself to swallow the pill and another week to realize I shouldn’t have done it. It may not have been the right time. I might not have had a house or a job, or been at the right stage in my relationship, but I had the support of friends and family. We could have done it. I had so much love I could have offered, but I chose convenience, and now I wish I’d chosen hard work and motherhood.”"
https://siragainesville.com/abortion-regrets-stories-from-real-women/

I am 25, I’m totally fully lesbian. I have childhood trauma, both my parents where emotionally unavailable, both have narcissistic personality disorder. I experienced my mother divorces twice. My family is homophobic. My mother is toxic, I have never met „mother’s love” people are describing. She was mentally abusing me and isolating me from peers. She is also very jealous of my life.
I’m living in homophobic country, homosexual people don’t have any rights here. Also my country is very very catholic.
Before therapy I was sure I want kids. During my therapy healing proccess I was wondering if I want kids. In my first serious relationship I felt like I don’t want to have kids, I was fine with it, she didn’t want them too. After break up I was sure she was also a narcissist, she prefers to hooking up and be single.
There are no possibilities in my country- we can’t get adoption and in vitro. We can only in secrecy ask a man to do us a favor with old fashioned way.
Also there is climate change.
Now I am with a girl 22 yo who is much more into me than my ex. She cares about me a lot. She gives me a lot of attention. We are together for 4 months now. She sees her future with me. She doesnt cheat on me as my ex did. She isnt into her ex. But she wants kids very badly and she is always telling this.
It is so hard to find a normal girl who I am attracted to and who doesnt want kids even though our country is homophobic. Also someone who is really into me. There Are plenty of wlw out there.
I was parentified, so I was not able to have childhood. I was raising my brother and needed to be mother of my mother. After therapy I started to live my life. I feel like my mother stole my childhood.
My gf had very happy childhood, her parents were interested in her needs.
I don’t know if I should break up with her. Before I met her I felt like I don’t want kids.
I’m wondering if it will come with age as I will life my life after therapy. I need to admit I feel bad when kids are crying and I’m not like omg they are so cute, nope.
I can’t be pregnant as I am bipolar and my meds can cause problems to baby with heart.
Also if I will decide to stay with her I will have no legal rights to the child she will give birth to.
For now I don’t feel like I want to have kids, she is my big support in live, I love her, but I am afraid I will waste her time.
On the other hand I am thinking maybe it will be fine to start a family, I’m afraid that my life will be very lonely as most of women wants to have kids and I will be child free.
What do you think? Will this to urge to start family come with age? Or this feeling not to have Kids will stay with me?

I'm not sure what I'm looking for, I guess just wanted to write out what I'd been feeling and put it somewhere. I'm using a burner account, and no real names, I just needed to vent this somewhere
I dated my ex (I won't bother with names) for 4 years, and broke things off last summer. Like all relationships it was complicated, but now - nine months later - I still have no idea if I did the right thing, and am left feeling rudderless and adrift.
I'm 41, she's 32 - we met online four-ish years ago, immediately hit it off and started seeing each other 3-4 times a week. We started dating in Jan 2020 ... two months later, covid hit, and our entire state was essentially locked down. We went from dating to basically living together after two months - which, at the time, was great with me .. we were in love, and things seemed great. My parents split up when I was 19. In my 20's and early 30's, I'd made some bad choices with romantic partners - and chased after people who were emotionally unavailable, fundamentally. It took many years of therapy and introspection, but I had been actively making and effort to only date people I saw a real future with.
She (at 28) had never really dated anyone before. She explained she had some very severe trauma as a child, and coupled with abusive parents, she had never put herself out there really, and had focused on work, and fitness, and school. Her father had cheated on her mother when she was a child, and she knew about it (from a very young age). I heard all this, and tried to be as empathic and understanding and reassuring as I could -> after all, it wasn't anything she had done, and I thought she was a badass for overcoming that kind of abuse. We hit it off straight away, and seemed to have tons in common, and those first few months together were incredible. She still lived at home, with her parents - and for the duration of our relationship never moved out, or found her own space.
Things started to get strange when one day, I liked a female friend's post on Instagram ... this was someone I'd known for 5-6 years, and I was friends with long before I knew my gf. In retrospect, my friend's post was a bit thirsty .. your classic "I'm powerful, self possessed" look-at-me photos that showed a bit too much skin - and I should have just kept browsing, but I tapped 'like' (one of probably 20 posts I liked that day from all kinds of different friend) and moved on.
A few hours later, my gf called me, furious, and accused me of using her 'as a place holder' because - in her mind - I obviously REALLY wanted to be with this other friend of mine, and was using her. This came completely out of left field to me, and we had a 2-hour phone argument where I apologized, told her I'd remove the 'like', whatever she wanted. She kept circling back again and again that it was "totally normal" to go through a partners friend list / liked posts because "anyone can see them, they're public". We went back and forth, I was frantic and after we got off the phone, I went through my Instagram and basically purged any attractive female friend I had, and removed any likes I had to any post that might be weird or suspect. From them on I rarely used social media at all - but every few months my ex would find a new friend on my social media she didn't like, or suspected - even after I stopped interacting with social media at all.
This same sort of low-level suspicion persisted throughout our relationship. If I was looking at my phone, she wanted to know what I was reading, who I was talking to, etc. I have never cheated on a partner in my life, in fact I had been cheated on twice - so the sort of dull, constant suspicion really upset me - and after a while it almost felt like she was trying to manifest / discover some kind of secret infidelity. The tragic part is that we got along great otherwise, she loved my (male) friends, loved my family, and we had a relaxed and loving relationship besides occasional flare ups. But the suspicion never went away, or changed - and this sort of underlying insecurity was a constant background white noise of our relationship. She especially took a disliking to my roommates girlfriend, and made it a point to always talk about how much she disliked her, how they weren't going to last - etc (I can't say I blame her, the girl in question was not awesome .. but I never understood why his g/f should have such an outsized effect on our relationship). Despite all this, I thought she was an a kind, empathic, intelligent woman - and I saw a life with her, I saw starting a family with her - as real possiblities.
She grew very attached to my family, which also started to make me wonder what was going on. Many times, first thing in the morning, before coffee or anything else, she'd ask me "how's your mom? how's your dad?" - and would always want to know if she was 'still their favorite'. The first few times I thought it was charming - but it kept going on, to the point I had to push back and ask her "hey, please stop asking me first thing in the morning about the status of my family" ... for reference, I lived on the opposite side of the country from them, and would only get to see them for the holidays (which she was always invited to). I had a very challenging period of my life with my family, from 15-30 my family was fractured, my parents split up, it was messy ... but through years of effort, and time and patience forgiveness, I had built strong, loving relationships with both my parents individually, and my siblings besides. I sometimes got the sense that she even loved my family more than me, and that I was - weirdly - almost an obstacle between her and them. I told her as much, that sometimes I almost was jealous of how much she loved them, and wished that she could point that in my direction sometimes - knowing that they would be part of the package. She never did that same work with her own family - who were deeply dysfunctional, combative and sometimes outright hostile to one another. As crazy as it sounds, I often felt like she was almost trying to reap the rewards of the many years of hard work I had done - without an appreciation for how hard it had been to build new, adult relationships with my parents.
After a year and a half she found a new job, in a new industry, at a high profile company - and for the first six months she was there, she seemed to be able to manage the stress. I asked her if she wanted to maybe find a place together, to move in together for real ... but she kind of brushed it off. I would ask her again every few months, and would be met with the same sort of half-maybe-sorta-we'll-see ...
She suffered a major concussion two years into our relationship, which is when things really started to change. She never went to therapy, or saw a doctor to get treated ... and as the months went by, she became obsessed, almost addicted, to her job. It was all-consuming for her, and occupied all her thought and effort and time ... our relationship became an afterthought, and would mostly be relegated to her staying over (because my apt was closer to her office than her parent's house) - then me cooking her breakfast and seeing her off in the morning - and getting take out when she got back at night. She became more and more locked into her job, and our relationship became more and more platonic and less and less romantic / sexual... which is not uncommon when people are stressed out, or exhausted - but we couldn't seem to find time or space to fix what was happening. We talked, and communicated - but her reaction to stress was to go inside herself, and cut the world off -> and my stress reaction has often been the same.
We grew more and more distant over the next year, I also got a new job that ate up a ton of my time, so we would only see each other for an hour or two in the evenings, or on the weekends when we were up for it. I have a habit of pushing the people I care about away when I am not doing well emotionally .. it's the biggest recurring issue I've had in my life. I've been to therapy for it, and have ways to manage stress including meditation, exercise and a healthy diet - all of which allow me to function. But as the months went by, I got more and more stressed out as we became more distant - and I started to fall apart, and started to feel more and more alone and isolated. I'm sure I could have been better, or more attentive, or more patient ... and I in no way want to trying to pin any blame on her. After all, I'm just 1/2 of the relationship, and 1/2 of the story. After not seeing each other for a few weeks, I had to go out of town for a week for my job - to deal with a long and stressful convention ... and when I came back, we didn't see each other for another week.
I wanted her to come see me, but couldn't come out and say it ... I wanted her to intuit my needs, which she OF COURSE was not able to do. She wanted me to tell her I desperately wanted to see her, which she couldn't articulate because she wanted ME to intuit her needs ... and round and round it went. Lack of communication.
We did see each other eventually, what started as a small disagreement blew up. It started after my ex starting talking about my roommate's girlfriend, or she said something nasty about her. I was upset because we hadn't seen each other in weeks, why would this girl be the first thing on her mind? What about us? I totally overreacted and pushed her away - it was a long and stupid argument, where we both ended up dredging up things from months and years before .. we broke up, she left. In my self-righteous indignation, I felt justified in the moment ... but as the hours passed, and days passed, I was miserable and knew I had made a horrible mistake. My friends at the time told me I'd done the right thing, and that we had long standing issues that I had been mentioning throughout our relationship ... she liked her well enough, but wanted me to be happy, and told me that I had, ultimately, done what I thought was right at the time - and not to doubt myself. But I did, I got fully stuck in my head about it - and was desperate (yes, the D word) to try again.
Over the next few weeks she totally ignored me, wouldn't respond to my calls, or messages. I didn't expect her to - but I practically begged her to give it another chance with me. But she had totally shut down, and in her (later) words "she was never going to speak to me again." She did, eventually, after a few weeks, respond to me. We talked, I apologized, tried to explain that she was the world to me, and I knew I had made a massive mistake, and desperately wanted a chance to try again - to make things right.
She agreed, eventually. We met up for dinner, and slowly talked things out - I was still honestly pretty upset, but we kept seeing each other, started making it a point to go on dates, to get to know each other again. She believed I had cheated on her, that I had met another woman and that this had all been a pretext ... I caught her going through my phone after I got out of the shower. There was nothing to find, but I couldn't believe that she still, after years together, suspected I had been unfaithful to her. But that was just a bump in the road, we talked it out. Things seemed to be getting better. We shared an amazing thanksgiving together, and I genuinely felt like we had turned a corner and were as close as we had ever been ... so did she.
The next Monday, at work, she got another concussion - worse than the first. From this point on, her entire personality shifted ... Which I have learned, in the months that followed, is just something that can happen with head trauma. She didn't want to spend time together nearly as much, she fully retreated into herself, and her family. She wouldn't come visit at all anymore - even if I was willing to pick her up / drop her off ... she would only agree to meet for platonic dinners at a halfway point between our houses. She started seeing a doctor, a neurologist, doing PT work ... but she just kept seeming to get further and further away. If I invited her over, she was always want to know if my roomate's g/f "might" be there, or if we'd be alone ... and if there was even a chance this girl would be there (even though we could spend time in my room, or in the common living room without interference) - my ex would just stay home.
Six or seven months of this went by ... we kept sort of drifting apart, and it seemed like no matter how much I tried to communicate, or bridge the divide between us (which, to be honest, it felt like I was doing 3/4 of the work to keep this thing going) - we just kept drifting. After her second concussion, we stopped being intimate all together ... she was still convinced I had been with other women while we were apart, and demanded I get tested for STDs for her to trust me again. I let my pride get in the way, and should just have done it - but I had not been with or dated anyone else in the few weeks we were apart, and I couldn't get over that she still wouldn't trust me at my word.. after almost 4 years together, I still had to prove myself.
But I didn't, I was stubborn and dug my heels in - so our last potential shot at intimacy evaporated. We became basically platonic buddies ... we still loved each other, said we loved on another every day - but I always felt like I was chasing her, hoping for some kind of emotional connection or breakthrough or common ground that never manifested. By the time July rolled around, I was a total mess ... I felt completely alone, isolated, and like the person I knew and loved had drifted off, and there wasn't a way to get her back. For two months I said that I was really struggling, I was feeling really disconnected and that I missed her all the time - that I wanted to get back to baseline but didn't know how, and that I wanted her help or guidance. She said she felt like she was gradually getting back to where she started, but had no clear picture of how long that might take, and couldn't give me any kind of definitive answer if things would get better again - or how things might get better again.
It never happened. With another month-long work event looming on the horizon, and my stress levels climbing and climbing, I felt like I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Eventually, after one of our platonic dates, I had a full on breakdown, and tearfully told her how isolated I was feeling, how I felt like I'd lost her, and how I felt totally clueless how to fix things. She had no ideas to offer, no guidance on how to navigate any of this, and no suggestions how to get back to some kind of baseline. It all poured out from both sides ... she didn't feel like she could trust me ever since we'd got back together, I felt like she neve really let me back in. But we both agreed that that one thanksgiving had been amazing ... and we wished we could find a way back to that place - but had no idea how.
I told her I needed a month, or two, I needed to start seeing a therapist, I needed to put myself back together because I felt like I was falling apart. I told her I wished that we could take a breathe - and come back on more solid footing because I had fucked up when I broke things off before. I had come back from a place of sadness and desperation - and had not given either of us a chance to heal before trying to undo the damage I'd caused. I wanted to meet her on even footing, from a place of mutual strength and try again ...
To her, this was just me breaking up with her again.. which I tried to say "no, I don't want to lose you, but I'm fucked up and need to just right the ship a bit in my life because I am totally losing it ..." But, sometimes it doesn't matter. To her, I was leaving her again, giving up. I had no idea if she'd speak to me again, but I felt so broken I didn't know what else to do.
I took two months, without contact, and started seeing a therapist, started exercising again, got through my hell-month at work. I tried reaching out again to her, multiple times after that ... but I never heard back. A few months went by - I missed her more and more, I didn't heal or get better, I didn't feel like I'd done the right thing. My friends told me I had, my family was supportive - my friends especially have told me time and time again that ultimately, I did the right thing, that I did what was right 'for me' ... but to me, the reassurance didn't matter. There was a giant, gaping hole in my life that I had no idea what to do with. This was a woman I had wanted to marry, that I had wanted to life with, to build and share a life with -> and at one point, I know she wanted the same. I felt so terrible, and couldn't handle the memories of the place I was in, that I resigned from my job (which was ok, it was a horrible grind, that while it paid ok, didn't have any kind of upward mobility) .. and after a lot of thought, I moved back across the country because it was too painful for me to be in that place, surrounded by the memories - living with the ghosts. My friend group had been slowly dispersing, getting new jobs in new cities, having kids and getting on with life - and I didn't see a reason to stay anymore. I debated reaching out to my ex to let her know I was moving - but it had been months without a word, she had not responded to any of my attempts to talk to her, to meet her even for coffee, or to return the few things of hers I still had - and I knew that if I did reach out - it would ultimately be a selfish act, hoping that somehow she might say 'oh no, he's leaving for good' ... so I didn't. I'm still not sure if she knows I left.
I've been saying with family, slowly putting the pieces of my life back together. I'm taking classes, and plan on switching careers into a new field that I may actually am passionate about. I'll find my own place again in a month or two, but truth is I missed my family dearly, and have been helping both my aging parents with years of neglected repairs and yard work - and seeing my siblings and their families again after a decade of living on the opposite coast and getting to see them 'maybe' once a year around the holidays. Plus after paying insane rent to random landlords for over a decade, its been nice to have a few months of feeling grounded, and to put work into where I'm living. My family has been thrilled, and glad to have me around again.
But it's made no difference, really. I still think of her every day. Some days are easier than others, and I can manage to stay focused on classes and work and fitness - but in so many ways my life feels totally hollow now. I'm stuck wondering if I completely fucked up a good thing, and wasted what might have been my last shot at starting a family of my own, of having a real partner. I'm 41, realistically my chances get slimmer by the year. Or maybe I did totally the right thing, and I got out of a degenerating situation that had been nagging at me for months and months that something was deeply wrong. Or maybe it was somewhere in between those two poles. There's no way to know, and I'm limited to my own side, and my own perspective - and trapped in that middle ground of wondering how things "MIGHT" have gone had X Y or Z happened differently. I wish I had some kind of clarity, or certainty, but I don't.
I guess things are getting a bit easier, as the days and weeks and months go by - but its only by fractions of a degree. I miss her, or maybe just miss the person she used to be, if that person still exists. Head trauma is ... complicated - because the person looks the same, sounds the same ... but the person you knew, the person you fell in love with, isn't really the same person anymore. Its almost like, mourning the death of someone who is still alive, if that makes sense.
So here I am, taking it one day at a time, hoping for some brighter tomorrow, some slow healing or revelation or clarity that I did the right thing - but all I have are doubts. There's no closure to be found because all I ever got was silence. I've done everything people have recommended - focused on myself, focused on health and fitness, focus on learning new skills, on meeting new people, gone on dates, focused on family, focused on growing -> but it hasn't helped the giant, gaping hole in my life, and the never-ending uncertainty.
I expect no sympathy, or empathy ... and knowing reddit, I'll get a lot of people piling on to tell me what a piece of shit I am, lol'ing at how I fucked up my own life, and telling me she's better off without me. But then again sometimes even Reddit can surprise you with the insightful and thoughtful responses. More than anything, I just wanted to write this down somewhere, anywhere - to get it out of my head and my heart. Because the more it stews, the worse I feel. Thanks for reading, if you managed to make it this far.. its a long, messy, meandering story without any real ending. Will I hear from her again? Probably not. Will I get over her? Eventually I'm sure ... but what happens between now and then is anyone's guess. What ever it is, it'll happen on day, one moment at a time.
tldr; sometimes things just end - without someone cheating, or abusing the other person, or any real good way to sum it up. Life and relationships are long, complicated, nuanced and messy. Take care all, appreciate what you have while you have it, take it one day at a time

I’m on season 4 and watching the dynamic of the show is actually so sad. The episode where Abby talks about her mom dying and Chloe gives her a hug breaks my heart. Seeing the girls comfort each other when they’re upset and show affection especially to Mackenzie as the baby of the group is so heartwarming. Putting the business aspect aside you can tell that Abby is a teacher that genuinely wants to see those kids thrive and believes in them. It makes me so sad that the show makes the dynamic so toxic and horrible because there could have been so much love of there wasn’t for that

It's my first cycle after my missed miscarriage. Babies heart stopped at 8 weeks 5 days, 3 days after seeing the heartbeat, didn't find out until 12 weeks when we thought we were in the clear. I've been trying to mentally prepare myself for this and it still hit me so hard. The cramps, the blood, it all feels like my miscarriage all over again...

I feel like my first born is everyone’s favorite and nobody even bothers to hide it. Granted my second is still young, too young to understand I still see it and worry this will continue through their childhood. They’re both girls very close in age and I worry they will end up with a dynamic where they compete for attention because of this. Both my family and my husband’s family show very obvious favoritism and basically ignore my second born all together.
Examples being-when family calls they only ask about first born. When we’re at any events or parties first born gets so much attention that it sends her spiraling while second born is completely ignored. In laws were very pushy about getting first born baptized and insisted on being the god parents, buying her dress, throwing a party etc (I’m not religious at all) and now no one cares whether or not second born is baptized. No one has even mentioned it. When in laws talk about traveling to their home country they only mention that first born needs a passport and say nothing about second born. My kids would never go anywhere without me, and I would never go anywhere without both of them so this one’s pretty crazy to me. I’ve spoken up on this and been brushed aside every single time while they just keep hounding my husband (who is on my side, thankfully)
I feel awful for her. I know my first born is at a fun age where she’s walking and talking and second born isn’t there yet, but I remember everyone being just as crazy for her at the baby stage as they are now and it’s like they have no room left in their hearts for my second. Would you say anything? Has anyone dealt with this? I’m so worried that my second born will eventually pick up on this.

I feel like I need to get this off my chest. Potential trigger warning
My first pregnancy, one of my first symptoms was intense fear. I was scared of the dark and was convinced a demon was watching me. Sometimes I’d think I’d see something and my heart pounded throughout the night. I spent my nights going between opening and closing my eyes until finally the sun rose and I could sleep.
I struggled with suicidal thoughts as well which felt more intense during pregnancy and postpartum.
However postpartum wasn’t so bad, thankfully. However when I gave birth to my child and saw her for the first time, I wasn’t happy. I was shocked. There was no way that could’ve been my child. I smiled anyways and took her. When the doctors were gone, i asked my husband many times if he was absolutely sure this baby was the same baby that came from my body. She was and if I compare my pictures from being a child to hers, she is my exact image. For the first year, I had no bond with her. No love that I felt a parent should have. She’s 6 now though and that has changed immensely. I love her more and more the older she gets and am proud of who she is becoming.
Then I was pregnant with baby number two. Symptoms of paranoia and delusions started quickly, but I didn’t recognize them as such. I just knew I had an intense fear and conviction that someone was watching me or in my house and they were going to kill me and take my daughter. My husband worked nights and I’d lock my daughter and myself in my room until he got home. I’d stare under the door for any shadows that might pass by. When my husband got home, I’d ask him to check the house every night. Sometimes multiple times. I’d even run the shower because I figured if someone was using heat vision to see inside my house, this would throw them off. I kept my curtains closed and taped aluminum foil over the windows without curtains. This lasted my entire pregnancy and I didn’t realize this wasn’t normal. To me, this was normal.
Postpartum: when this baby was born, there was an immediate bond. I knew this was my child, without a doubt, and yet strangely he looked nothing like me. PPD depression set in during the hospital which I expected. I also expected the anxiety. I cried. A lot.
Then finally we went home.
The depression got worse and I’d have moments where I felt fine and the next I’d be crying again. I didn’t think I could take care of my kids. I begged my husband to take more time off work, and he did, unpaid, but eventually he had to go back.
While he was at work, I was having a crying episode and went to the bathroom away from my kids. Everything shifted. A voice was telling me I was alone and I knew it wasn’t my voice. Immediately afterwards, thoughts of harming myself and my children came. In my mind, I couldn’t take care of them, but if I did this, we’d all be in heaven and we’d be safe.
The thoughts became stronger and I didn’t think I could get help because I was scared of losing my children. I tried talking to a couple people about, but I was blown off.
I had delusions that someone was trying to take my children and theyd be safer not on this earth. I also had delusions that my baby was possessed and would try to take my life. At one point, I remember waking up at night, thinking I saw them in the crib next to my bed staring at me with malicious intent. But my eyes were playing tricks - the baby was sleeping.
Eventually, my husband and I made sure I was never alone. I couldn’t trust myself with my own kids. It was the scariest time of my life. He’d have friends check on me, he’d take me and the kids to his work. If he couldn’t do that, then we’d stay on the phone until he got home. Eventually the delusions went away, I even lost friends during this because they told me “something was wrong” and I wasn’t acting like myself.
The depression and anxiety lasted for the next year and a half, but eventually I was able to feel a resemblance of normal.
Now we are expecting our third and this will be our final. Mentally, I’ve been doing great until a week ago. I realized I was having minor delusions. I thought my medicine for morning sickness was slowly killing me and i had convinced myself a specific spider was going to come after me if I didn’t research into it. After losing sleep over it, I recognized that this was a delusion, albeit a minor one. I laughed at myself but I know how bad it can get. Then the other night I had a violent nightmare. In my dream, my children were possessed and it ended horribly. I had to save them in my dream but in the worst way. It reminded me of how I felt postpartum with my last child. When I woke up, I spent the entire day in a fog, wondering if free will even exists and if my children are safe with me. I hugged my children when they woke and then my husband took them out and spent the day with them while I rested.
But things are different now. I will see a doctor and I’m going to be more open about my issues. I’m going to have a plan in place in case I mentally go on a downward spiral. To say I’m scared of going through again what I did with my previous child is an understatement. I’m terrified and I’m hoping it doesn’t get like that again, but I won’t take chances.

Dealing with the mother in law is hard enough, but can you imagine if you also need to deal with his sisters?
His oldest sister is living next door with her husband and her parent in laws. Her husband has a little bro. According to what she said, the brother is spoiled by the parents and she dislike him. Therefore, her front door uses key because she doesn’t want the brother to come so easily and so often. But our front door uses passcode, and she came over to our house every weekends at that time. She stayed the whole day in our house on weekends.
My husbands father has diabetes and needs kidney dialysis. Most of the time, his second sis is the one who took him to the doctor or hospital. But she needs to work, so my husband also needs to help from time to time. However, whenever they ask the oldest sis to help with the dad, she would say, I am married out already. In my memory, she seldom took the dad to the doctor or the kidney dialysis. I am not good at driving, and was pregnant at that time, I picked his dad up from the hospital once (what is ironic here is that his second sis thought it was their oldest sis picked them up from the hospital even though she is the one also complained the biggest never helped), helped his second sis to send his dad to the kidney dialysis ( because she needs people to help the dad get out or in the car), and helped with translation for his dad’s physical therapy when his second sis was not available. In January of 2021, his dad’s situation is very bad and the nurse asked them to make a decision if the hospital should save his life if ….. the chance is only 50/50, and even though he was saved, he would have to do kidney dialysis for the rest of his life, and he also would have to have his leg amputation. Considering his life quality and the care taking part, his mom and second sis agreed to let him passed away naturally if that really happens. My husband had a hard time making the decisions. The oldest sister kept crying over there, and said we should not give up his life. Suddenly, she turned to me and asked about my opinion. Then I expressed my opinion, if you guys decide to save his life then you guys should share the responsibility of taking care of him and help with doctor visit and kidney dialysis, but you guys also need to think about his life quality and the fact that he would lose his legs. His second sis agreed with what I said, and my husband agreed with his mum and second sis at the end The oldest sis also agreed with then after her husband s persuasion. After his dad passed away, the oldest sis is the one cried the hardest, and the mum told one of their aunt on the phone how sad the oldest daughter is, and asked her not to cry so much, otherwise her health might be affected. Mam, you should show your love and contribute more to your father when he s still alive.
After I had my first kid, especially my relationship with my mother in law was like freezing at that time, my husband and I would go to visit my parents every weekend, one reason is that I could escape that prison like house, the other reason is that my parents could help me with the baby there so that I can rest a little bit. However, I accidentally found out she complained to my husband about me in the message why I always showed them bitchy face at home and why would I go back to my parents house every weekend. But the fact is she came over to our house more often when their dad’s situation was bad. And after the dad passed away, she still came over very often, which lead to her mother in law yelling at her at one time(when her father in law was in hospital because of Covid), saying no daughter in law would go back to her mums house so frequently. She’s lucky to have her husband to back her up by then. And she came over to our house to complained about it, and said I was married to her son but not selling myself to his family. My mother in law told her to keep quiet then the situation would become better.
Talking about the message, how I found out she bitched about me and my family is also very interesting. Thats like when my son was like about 8 months old, my husband told me to let his mum to watch the baby a little bit and would go grocery shopping with me after that meeting. I was waiting for my husband in his office room, and his mom was holding the baby to nap. I left my phone in the living room, so I played with my husband s phone. I accidentally went to the message, and saw that the last msg his oldest sis said is if you go bankrupt don’t expect me to help you. I was wondering what would make her say this. Then I went into their msg. The first time I found out that actually she had so many complaints about my family and me. So my husband got my dad a free tablet through promotion and he shipped it to our house for setup. She saw that package with my dad’s name on it. Second sis said it might be sending here for set up. In the text she told my husband that she wanted to get a tablet and ask for suggestion. My husband asked why would u need that, you don’t use that. Then she said is this your father in law s Xmas gift? My husband explained that’s through a promotion, not he buying it. Then she said, I guess he would not get a Christmas gift since you already got him a house! lol my dad paid half of that retirement house. And because my sis and I could not get a good rate, my husband said he could help, but my sis s side will be responsible for half of the mortgage. My husband s name is also on that title! How come this house would become my dad’s Christmas gift? And in the message, she also said she s not as lucky as me, no need to wash dishes at home. But the fact is I am the one who cooked most in our house and did most of the dish cleaning before my baby came out, I am the one who cleaned the house all the time. I didn’t do so many dishes wash after the baby was born because I needed to take care of the baby and power pump is very exhausting for me at that time. For her, she doesn’t cook much at her house, because either her father in law cook or the parent in laws bring food home when they are off work or her mum would cook and ask the second sis to bring food over! And her parents in laws would clean the whole house every Wednesday at that time! Reading this I felt super angry, my face was burning and my heart was about to jump out of my breast! I directly replied bitch to her! I hung up on her when she called my husband s phone. After my husband finished the meeting , I said, “ u r in trouble now, because I just called your sis bitch!” She called my mother in law saying the brother curse her. And MIL came knocking at the door, disregarding if my husband is still in the meeting or my son was napping in her arm. She asked my husband why cursed his sis! I couldn’t stand any more, then I exploded, and questioned her why every time you defend your daughter no matter shes right or not. Do you know what she said about my parents and me in the message. I also directly called her bitch and claimed that it's her who kicked my mom out of our house when she was here to help me! That became a big arguement and I took my son back to my parents house right after the arguement.
Because of my husband, I tried to fix the relationship after half a year, and we had our own house as well.
However, just two days ago (5/14), his oldest sis called him around 10:30pm using second sis s phone because her husband got her a new phone and would like my husband to set it up for her. Her old phone is still usable, why the new phone must be set up now? And my husband is wondering why she’s not using the her husband’s phone to call but second sister’s phone. My husband went to check and found out she moved into our house, where his mom and second sis are living, with her 18 month son . And He traced that she was living there since 3/16. Not sure about exactly when as the history can only go back to two or three months. My husband and his second sis are the owners, and my husband is helping paying the mortgage ( before we moved out, he is the only one paying the mortgage). Why no one telling us about her move in. And we are sure she has no issue with her husband and parents in law because the husband just bought her the new iPhone and she s living in our house on weekdays, but on weekends she would go back to her own house. How hypocritical it is! When my son was about 8 months old she complained we went back to my parents house every weekend. But now she moved into our house even though her house is next door !!! My husband called the second sis and told her about this, expressed his disappointment about not letting him knowing this, telling her this whole shit is basically slapping my face. And also told them we are going to cancel NC trip. BTW, the oldest sister texted my husband asked him to go back to our house help clean the doggie this week, before the NC trip. Why the heck you live there , eat there, free baby sitter there, you can’t clean the dog with your sister?!!!

So this was in November 2023 and due to my wack ass immune system, I (15M) had gotten myself extremely sick to the point where I was vomiting almost every time I'd eat. And my body has a way of cascading things like this, so I it was no surprise when I started sickling.
I'm laying in bed, nauseous and in pain, just praying for the oxy to kick in so I can fall asleep and not deal with this hell anymore when this sharp pain starts stabbing me in my chest and I feel like I'm literally DYING. This pain I was feeling in that moment was worse than any sickle cell crisis I've ever had and I just assumed the jig was up and organ failure was imminent.
I couldn't get up from where I was laying (my mom's bed) because of the severe pain so I'm just crying so loudly and my mom wakes up annoyed and tells me to lay on my back and go back to bed but as i shift over a wave of nausea crashes over me and i begin vomiting all over my mom and her bed (woops).
Fully awake and freaking out by this point my mom picks up her phone and dials 911 for an ambulance to get me and I'm just crying like a little baby now in a pile of my own bile (too scared to eat anything because I didn't wanna barf) praying for the ambulance to get here. And after what only felt like 5 minutes, my mom runs to the front door to open it for the paramedics who lay me onto the stretcher and give me this drug I'm in too much pain to notice.
And then it calms me down. A lot. So much so that it feels like whenever I breathe, I'm breathing out all the air in my lungs and taking my first breath again like I've just been born. I vaguely feel the pain in my chest but my mind is so empty I cant even bother to think about it. I take a few deep blinks and then wake up in the ER with my mom sleeping in the chair beside my bed.
After this, it becomes a cycle of them giving me medicine, the pain subsides somewhat, and then the medicine wears off and my chest feels like it's getting knifed by a million UK roadmen. They start me off with morphine, and that doesn't do the job like it usually does, so then they give me Dilaudid AND morphine, and still yet I feel like the end is near. So they decide to pull out the big guns that worked on me when I was in the ambulance. Fentanyl.
Initially I was very skeptic and lowkey refusing treatment because of the stigma around it and the doctors reassured me over and over that it was safe and I had been given it before and blah blah blah even though these were the same doctors that would ask me how long I've had sickle cell for. But I was in so much pain that I just gave up and gave in and gave them the a-ok because their nagging was just too much.
They set me up with this little green button thing attached to my IV, that would allow me to press it whenever I felt severe and constant pain but would not allow me to exceed the "maximum dosage" they had put in place for my body. And to be completely honest this little button scared me at first. The entirety of my night nurses shift I didn't press the button once and just writhed there in the cold hospital bed because I'd rather die than willingly administer my own fentanyl.
But I wouldn't even be typing this story if I simply just hadn't pressed the button for the entire duration of my stay. It was now day 3 in the hospital and I hadn't got a single wink of sleep in the past 32 hours so I decided to press the button. It didn't hit me like it had in the ambulance, but when i tell you i relaxed, i RELAXED. I was finally able to shut my eyes and go to bed and stop myself from shaking my leg (self soothing thing I do when in pain). I woke back up to my nurse doing my 8 hour check up and for some reason, she was still bringing me morphine and Dilaudid despite me having the fentanyl push button thingy, but I was so out of it I just took the medicine so I could go back to sleep. It became I cycle of me pushing the button, falling asleep, being woken up to take additional opiates i did NOT need, then going back to bed, until early on day 5 in the hospital, my friends from school came to visit me. So obviously I try to be a good host and not to fall asleep despite me having pushed my button already for more fent (clearly addicted but oblivious because of this phantom pain my body is forcing me to experience) and coincidentally as my friends are still here, my nurse comes in for the 8 hour check up and gives me the Dilaudid and morphine again. I take the medicine and I look down at my green button because I'm not sure i've been awake this long in days and I see its glowing again so I press it.
bad idea.
I'm talking to my friends but something seems off, their voices seem so far away and there is black dots clouding my vision, I of course am so out of it that I somehow don't see any issue with these two things until I realized I hadn't said a word in like 2 minutes. Matter of fact, I hadn't even spoken for 2 minutes. My eyes go wide because I can feel my vision fading, but for some odd reason it was all black except a tiny pinhole in the center of my vision. I hear this faraway annoying beeping that I realize is the pulse-ox thing going kookoo bananas because I haven't breathed in so long and I see shapes moving around and my friends running to the hallway to get me help and all I can focus on is "If I'm not breathing, why doesn't it hurt?"
The nurses rush in and can clearly tell I'm overdosing so they put an oxygen mask over my head and say "Can somebody give him some Narcan?" and I'm laying here spectating what's going on to my own body from inside of my head wondering "I wonder what narcan is"
WELL I SURE KNOW NOW
The nurses push the Narcan in through my oxygen mask and I can suddenly hear everything perfectly. I say "woah" and then my entire body gets a flash of heat all over so I jolt up and say "WOAH" again and I look to the left to see like 6 nurses with 3 of them doing something with my arm that I obviously just messed up. But then the heat is gone, replaced by this freezing cold feeling all over and INSIDE my body. I can feel every one of my organs touching each other and they all feel cold and I just feel nauseous. By this point i was just in agony. It wasn't like any pain I've ever felt before I felt like not only was I gonna die, but it was gonna be painful and I'd feel each individual organ dying from inside my body because of how hypersensitive I was to everything around me. I could feel the scratchy hospital blanket and the way the grip of the hospital sock felt against the bed and it was all just too much for me and my head cocked straight up and i began vomiting so much liquid it was scary to watch. Feeling each chunk of food run down my throat was a sensory nightmare and it caused me to KEEP VOMITING and every time I'd move one of my limbs, it would completely jerk itself all the way to a full extended position which would shake my body and all my senses would be on fire and I'd cock my head back and continue vomiting. This was a pediatric hospital so the nurses had never dealt with anything this severe before so they were all just freaking out because I was actually tweaking so hard and I had knocked over everything they had put on my bed to help me. In addition to all this mess, I'd torn out my IV and started bleeding all over the sheets and the smell of barf mixed with blood was just such a strong smell I had continued barfing onto myself. My entire being felt cold inside and out so I was trying profusely to wrap myself in a cocoon but the nurses were so fixated on my blanket being covered in vomit and me like "contaminating myself" but I did not give a single fuck bro I was in so much pain and was so cold the only thought on my mind was the fetal position, and a cocoon. two nurses jammed those tubes that they have at the dentists office to suck your saliva down my throat so I didn't continue choking on my vomit, while the other 4 removed the fitted sheet from the bed trying their best not to interfere with my tweakage.
After they removed the sheet I had laid down and then I felt my organs shift in my body so I began vomiting again because anytime I sensed a new sensation, the big kahuna of nausea would hit me. I threw up onto the plasticky cover that goes over the mattress of the hospital bed but at this point there was only like so much left to throw up so a nurse wiped it away with an alcohol wipe. And the SMELL of that wipe gave me such sensory overload that I began crying to the point of basically screaming. As I shut my eyes really hard praying I'd fall asleep and escape the pain and coldness of my insides.
And the weird thing about all this is, I was there the whole time, y'know? Like I felt perfectly conscious throughout the entire process of being Narc'ed. I had no control over my body and anything I did, it just felt instinctual and had no thought behind it, but I was still actively thinking throughout all of it. I felt shame, embarresement, surprise, all like I was watching a movie. Except it was one of those 4D movie theaters where you can feel whatever is happening on screen, but not control it.
Eventually sleep overcame me and I woke up in the ICU with like 40 million wires attached to me a heating pack over my belly, and these bags around my legs that would inflate and deflate over and over. And all I could think in my head, was thank GOD it was over.
I had ended up getting myself a bone eating staph infection because some of my vomit got into the IV hole I'd torn out (I see why there were trying to take the blanket off) and ended up having to stay in the hospital for 10 more days so they could give me heavy antibiotics,, and had to do an additional 5 days at home self administering the medicine through a PIC line that went all the way from my wrist into my heart (it was so gross because they kept me awake while they removed it and it felt so weird).
A few weeks later the hospital called us back and apologized but they were using so much avoidant language and deflecting blame off of themselves so hard that it was pathetic to watch. Like you gave a 15 year old kid fentanyl through a SELF REGULATED SYSTEM and didn't expect the worst? Especially since I was being given Dilaudid and morphine on top of the fent? Get out my face with that smh.

We made the very hard decision to put our dog Zeus to sleep last Friday. He was my heart dog, my baby, my lil man. He was so sick and it was time but it still hurts so much. He was my best friend, and I’m not sure how to negotiate my day to day without him. It’s hard to be at home because all I can do is notice that he’s not there.
How do I move past this terrible grief? We have another dog who I love but it’s…different. I keep thinking about adopting a kitty but is it too soon?
I’m thinking about everyone in this sub who has lost a pet. It’s truly the worst. 😢

If everything was lie then go if you don’t want to actually try then go if you don’t believe in me then go it’s truly nothing new because this ain’t true, love you claim I was so toxic, but you’ll learn a little bit of arguments here and there is not toxic. It’s called miscommunication. Everybody makes mistakes everything I’m doing is wrong then be my guess I can’t stop you and I can’t force you to believe in somebody who you believed in all these years and then randomly changed I get it. I’m not your person no more do what you Gotta do. You don’t have to play with my emotions nine years and.you just walk out just like that you know I you had something on your mind. The whole time everything went down was severely wrong like I said I forgive you, but the last thing I will do is, I’m not gonna sit here and beg. I’ll be right here where you left me, I’m not being done like this anymore, I’m not blind. I see what you’re doing if I ain’t worth a little bit of time for you everything I do so. Be it you’ll learn not many people like you used to joke around about not many peoples can put up with that meanness. I loved it, but I just don’t think I’m enough for you. I don’t think you’re ever gonna find it in your heart to forgive me or believe in me, why you don’t believe in me I’ll never know I still behind you through every fucking thing. Make sure you got your college done still with you while you had a baby through all that depression wasn’t all my fault but I’ll take the blame. I’ll always love you and I’ll always wish you would make it work, but this one side of stuff is not working. You won’t even hardly text me. I’m not begging no more. I’m putting my foot down. Things are fixing to change. I don’t know if you’re gonna like it.

I was thinking of staying in korkula for a week, and doing day trips to hvar and plitvice (one of the places I most want to go). I'm not really into staying in zadar because it doesn't look at charming coastal style as the island or dubrovnik.
Dubrovnik was .... big hearts.
Is my plan doable?
Thanks!

I faster for 40 days once and ended up in the hospital because of a stomach ulcer. Basically on day 41 when I ingested a baby carrot and the stomach paid was so bad I went to the ER where they found the ulcer. Likely caused by too much acid in the stomach. I was throwing up yellow stuff idk if it was acid or bile or something late into the fast but I can’t remember which day.
The hospital found I had high blood pressure which they found off for someone who was 21. I’m not sure if fasting for so long could’ve caused it? Because I was very foolish and didn’t take ANY electrolytes because I wanted a ‘pure’ fast. (I had untreated OCD)
In the hospital I couldn’t open my fist, nurse said it was lack of calcium and doctor also told me my potassium levels were really low (this is linked to high blood pressure) and put me on potassium supplements.
My question: How long is still healthy to fast if you do take proper electrolytes? At what day do you think it would just start causing problems? I’ve read that people have gotten gout and stuff, kidney problems and also heart problems, I want to fast again but not sure how long to make the fast?

Hello!! FTM here! My baby girl will be 6 weeks this Saturday. She is EBF, mostly nursing but she takes a bottle occasionally. She is super super fussy all the time. Her belly is always hard, she spits up A LOT, and /she's not a "happy spitter." She's always grunting, arching her back, looking very uncomfortable. Her crying isn't constant but once it starts, it's very hard to sooth her because she's in pain. Our pediatrician told us to get some OTC mylanta to ease the reflux. When that didn't work, she prescribed us Pepcid. Our baby girl is still so fussy and agitated though. It's breaking my heart.
My question is...what indicates a dairy intolerance? I feel like everything I've read says that moms have to commit to absolutely no dairy for at least a month to see any real change. How do these ladies know it was the dairy that was the culprit as opposed to their babies just growing out of their colic? Is it really worth a shot to give up dairy? Is there anything else I can try before that? It seems like a ton of effort to maybe see results in a month.

I had my ultrasound today, i was estimating to be about 8 weeks today and the latest i could be is 7w4. We had our ultrasound and baby is measuring 6w1 with a heart rate of 94-101. The US tech was also concerned about the yolk sac being too large at 5.3mm. The dr kept saying that it’s concerning but since we were able to see and hear the heart beat there’s a chance. we have a follow up appointment in about a week and a half. Has anyone been through this and had positive outcomes or just wisdom to give. i hate this unknown waiting period.

Welcome back to my running series of WWF PPV Reviews from a ‘blind’ perspective (I have no idea what’s going to happen; the results, the feuds or how good any of the matches will be). I have always heard stories of the attitude era and golden age but never watched it myself so I set myself to watching every single PPV event chronologically. I am also watching Wrestling Bios ‘reliving the war’ series to keep me updated inbetween the events with the feuds, and to get excited about upcoming matches.
Before I review the matches, based on the past few episodes of raw and last PPVs I’ll let you know, going into the event, which match I’m most excited for and which feud I’m most excited to see.
The feud and match I’m most excited to see is stone cold vs undertaker. To be honest looking at the lineup this is pretty much the only feud I’m interested in for the entire event, and they don’t really even have one going on. But mankind vs Rocky and the gauntlet match should be interesting in terms of matches
WWF In Your House - Cold Day In Hell 1997 Match Ratings
Flash Funk vs HHH 1/5
Mankind vs Rocky Maivia 1.5/5
Nation of Domination vs Ahmed Johnson 1.75/5
Vader vs Ken Shamrock 2.25/5
Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Undertaker 3.75/5
Triple H has yet to really get going in the wwf, he hasn’t really had any great feuds but his matches are made at least a little more interesting with the accompaniment of Chyna. THE BEAST that is Chyna picks funk up and dumps him on his little funks just for the hell of it after the match which was pretty funny.
Feud wise it really shows in this match, with no buildup at all, the crowd was dead from pretty much the whole time. It was an obvious win for Hunter as he was the bigger name but yeah, nothing too special here apart from a pretty rough bump to funk on the outside on the steel ring ramp.
People just are not behind the rock at this point at all, his entrance music plays after mankind has made his way to the ring and there’s absolutely no pop from the crowd. During the match he’s actually getting booed when he emotes to the crowd. I’m wondering when he has his character change to become as big as he was and still is.
The match itself was pretty boring, not too much happened apart from a nice little assault on the outside on the steel entrance ramp by Rocky. The finish seemed really quick as well, Rocky showed no fight getting KOd in about 10 seconds after mankind applied that mandible claw. Knowing what these men can do I was surprised to see such a lackluster match as well. The last couple of minutes saved the match from being a complete disaster and foley as usual is taking his insane bumps. Foley was by far the best part of the match and the better wrestler, the rock still has a ways to go. The match gets a small bump in rating because of the rock bottom on the ramp which looked really good.
The next match I was pretty hyped to see, we hadn’t seen a gauntlet match up until this point so it was fresh and something unique to look forward to, and the character Ahmed portrays is perfectly suited to this type of match.
Ahmed got a great pop from the crowd for his entrance and to be fair he does make a pretty good baby face to get behind, I’m finding myself getting into this feud as it takes place.
Crush actually puts up more of a fight than I thought he would, it was a pretty slow start to the match though with nothing too noteworthy, but Johnson delivers a spinning kick that looked good to crush to knock him out of the match. Sadio vega comes in next and surprisingly proceeds to dominate Johnson for a while; Ahmed looks out on his feet for most of this bout. Side note my god Vega loves his nerve holds it’s the only hold I see him use pretty much. Whenever Ahmed begins to get back into the match he gets a great pop from the crowd which is nice to see and he’s actually performing pretty well here; definitely more exciting than the NOD members, which isn’t saying much but still. Sadio ends up getting DQd after he hits Ahmed with a chair and proceeds to beat the hell out of him with the same chair, setting up for the final member farooq to get into the ring and finish the job. The crowd is really behind Ahmed to win this match and so am I he’s showing great heart at this point in the match. Ahmed hits a massive power bomb finisher on farooq and he manages to somehow kick out, this is pretty exciting, but then farooq comes back with his own finisher to end Ahmed’s hopes and dreams.
This match got pretty good right at the end in all fairness, I felt myself getting pretty hyped and really routing for Ahmed. I understand why he had to lose but it was still a unique match to watch. Overall though this was pretty boring aside from the last like 2 minutes. Sadio and crush were super slow in the ring and very boring to watch. It was a cool idea with a kinda poor execution, had a couple moments that were interesting but it wasn’t more than that. It could’ve been good because the feud was kinda interesting with the stipulation of potentially having to disband the group if they lost, but it just wasn’t great.
And then the submission match between shamrock and Vader… this show just isn’t hitting right now is it 😂😂. I don’t really know what to say about this match I just didn’t enjoy it at all. Shamrock put in an okay show but it was so obvious where Vader was talking him through absolutely everything. Fair play to shamrock though he took a few decent bumps from Vader but the whole match didn’t work for me at all, it just wasn’t for me. (I’ve rewatched it after learning that Vader was pretty out on his feet because of shamrocks stiff shots and to be fair maybe I was just in a sour mood after the horrendous start, so I bumped up the rating a bit).
Stone cold finally gets some hype going with a nice intro promo, which is much needed in this event. It’s been abysmal so far not one match I’d even consider watching again. But stone cold has been blowing it out the park recently so I’ll wait and see what the main event delivers. Undertaker and stone cold can’t miss right?
Before I say this just know that I am a massive undertaker and Austin fan, but this match was nowhere near their best. The last 10 minutes were really good and 5* worthy action but the 10 or so minutes before that was pretty slow for an Austin match, he held a headlock for a very long time and the initially pumped crowd weren’t feeling it at all. Then another hold and another and for what the stakes were; one of austins first shots at the title, it didn’t feel like he was wrestling with that kind of tenacity he should have had.
Enough negativity though, there were some really high points during this match that the crowd popped for especially that triple counter tombstone pile driver ending. They had some really good brawling exchanges as well, undertaker especially really showing off and with his long hair it looks so good when he’s just teeing off on people. The hart foundation added a little more depth although I feel like it didn’t really do much for the match itself other than having Austin give them the finger and a couple of minor interruptions. All in all though this match felt like a building block for upcoming feuds and matches rather than a quality world title fight, but the ending really did seal it as something worth watching and saved the show, just a bit, from being a complete disaster.
Overall this event was very lackluster for me I really didn’t enjoy most of it. It had a few good physical moments in a few matches and the end of the main event was the highlight but you can definitely go without watching this ppv. I am excited to see what comes up as, like I said, this ppv felt like a building block for upcoming matches. It’s a bit like watching phantom menace, you watch it to get the build up to the main event, not for the actual movie… actually this really felt pretty much exactly like watching the phantom menace. A terrible sit through with something really worth seeing right at the end.
Overall rating 2.25/5

My sweet dog was 3.5 years old when we lost her today. She got kennel cough back in early March that turned into pneumonia. She was hospitalized at the end of March for a few days and we thought she made a full recovery. Even earlier this week she was the most “normal” we had seen her in weeks. She went on a long walk, wanted us to play, etc.
All of a sudden 2 nights ago she started showing signs of respiratory distress again, had a fever, and couldn’t walk. We rushed her back to the animal hospital and they admitted her. She was responding well to treatment and then suddenly this morning around 6am she took a turn for the worst.
We went into the hospital right away this morning to see her once they called us. She definitely recognized us and seemed more calm. It was very obvious she was in a horrible state. As we were talking to the vet about aggressive treatment options vs. euthanasia, she started to go on her own. We held onto her and talked to her as she passed.
I’ve lost dogs before, but older dogs that were end of life. I’ve never experienced pet loss so suddenly with a young, healthy dog. I have an 8 month old baby who just started loving on our dog and recognizing her. They were forming the cutest bond.
My husband and I are just so heart broken. I don’t know how we will get through this. We keep replaying everything and wondering if we could’ve done something sooner. It’s so hard.
Thank you for listening to me.

I'm a 14 yr old girl my dad passed away when I was 10 and even before that I always had a difficult relation with my mom because she could be judgemental and rude sometimes. Today I had a argument with her and she told me everything about her past and my paternal (dad's) side of family. I didn't liked my dad's sisters and their kids from the start I just sensed some bad vibe from them but from now on I would never see them the same way again. She told me that she was just like me before caring and loving everyone but after her marriage she changed, my dad who I always taught was my superhero never really did a job and my mom was not well educated to get one herself he would always go and have fun with his friends and cousins which made money tight, my mom had tried to talk to him to get a job but he would never listen they used to live with my father's brothers and my paternal family never respected my mom my aunt (dads sister) and his niece aka my cousin sister kept taunting my mom,used her clothes and stuff, complain about her cooking, and even insult her in front of everyone saying they could have found someone better for him but he married my mom and my father never said anything ( my grandmother choose my mom for my dad and she died 1 month before my parents marriage) . My uncle's wife hated my mom because my father didn't marry her niece and she made her life hell, she would often starve my parents and if my mom tried to cook something she would pour water on her food to ruin it, my mom gave up cooking and started eating what she made but that wasn't easy either she would always add extra salt and chilli in the food because of which they couldn't eat it, sometimes when she cooked good meals and my parents tried eating she would either snatch their food or tount them when my 2nd brother was born and she came home with him they made my parents sleep in the living room in the freezing cold weather with my new born brother, eventually my mom sent my older brother to my grandparents house so he could live happily my mom bared all of this silently but the last straw was when she starved my mom for an entire day while she was pregnant with me my parents had enough and moved out. According to my mom there are many more things which I couldn't mention here because it's getting long.
After all of this my mom's parents felt pity on us and started giving money for food which helped changing our lives before we didn't even had new clothes on festivals and enough food to eat so my dad's sisters never used to visit us but when we started having better lives she would often come and stay our place with her kids and my father had no problem because he loved his family not accepting that they are using him. When I was 6yr old my dad a heart problem and was in the hospital for 6 months and on bed for almost 4 months recovering in this entire time my dad's family never visited us me and my 2 older brothers used to stay home alone while my mom used to take care of dad. the only person who I respect from my dad's family is his cousin who was more like a bestfriend to him he helped us alot during that time financially and still does after my dad's death. My father finally realised that he was blindly trusting his siblings who didn't cared about him.
Soon enough karma started its game my uncle's wife who used to torture my mom got mentally unstable because of which both their daughters chould never attend school and stayed home taking care him by this time my father started earning and we also had our own house. Even after all of this my mom still helped my cousins during their first periods and stuff and still does now after my older cousin got married and a baby girl and now is pregnant again she even go her routine check ups with her. Things don't end here my older cousin got some nerve problem when she was young resulting in her unable to fold her legs and they remained straight and stiff. 3 months before my father's death my uncle died due to covid eventually my father helped his son understand buisness and handled his buisness giving all the money to my cousins my cousin brother failed his 12th and eventually took over buisness after my father's death since no one was willing to help him. He would often come to us asking for money we didn't had much either because now we were fully dependent on my grandparents but they never turned us down. Long back we made a small house and gave it for rent which provided with a little money after my dad was no more. Soon the evil lady aka my uncle's wife got several infections and diseases resulting in loss of money for my cousins to be honest no one really liked her now since she would often speak disturbing things to others and try to snatch their belongings. Well my cousins were no less I only liked their younger sister who is now about to turn 20 now the older two always had a evil vibe around the and it was all confirmed when my mom told me that they would also bully my parents with their mom back then. Even now during family events my older cousin would often hand her daughter to me and enjoyed while I was forced to babysit but I wasn't like my mom I would straight to their faces say that I didn't came to babysit their kids.
In the end I just wanna say don't be stubborn like me and judge ur parents when u don't know what they went through to raise you I know not all parents are the same but I'm talking about the good ones. And don't be stubborn like my mom to tolerate everything learn to stand for yourself and your family.

Hi mamas,
This sub has been my single source of inspiration for continuing my breastfeeding journey. My baby is 4.5 months now and healthy and doing great. Seeing him thrive, I forget all the pain that I go through for pumping. Lately, I have been having a hard time managing my time between my full time crazy desk job and managing my son. I do have my husband and dad fully helping me with the baby and the household work- but I feel like I am not doing justice to my pumping schedule. I am pumping 4 times and make 21oz and my son eats around 28-30 oz daily so I need 2 bottles of formula. I know deep inside my heart that if I pump in the morning by sleeping at night on time I can reduce that to one formula bottle only - but I feel like I am slipping away into laziness. I know my job is mentally draining and tough, I have client calls early AM where I have to be responsible and I am skipping my morning pump to 11am - literally losing the first half of the day and then I pump 4 hours to get 5 oz each pump. I am disappointed with my self, I feel guilty every night but I don’t know how to come out of this mess that I have created. My husband places all the pump parts in a ziploc bag next to my bed and he wakes me up at 7 to pump and I don’t know where the time passes by and it’s already mid day. Please help me out. I want to pump till my baby turns one that’s my dream that’s my goal. Help me achieve it please. I need motivation and advice from y’all to get me pump more. Any quick tips or hacks ? Anything that helps me.. please don’t judge me..I want to pump it’s just that I suck at time management..

The next morning, Himiko was awakened by a delighted scream. She shot up in her bed and saw Tenko dancing around the room.
"Nyeh...Tenko? W-What's going on?" Himiko asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes.
"La-la-la-la-la-laaaaaa!!" Tenko sang. Then, she stopped at Himiko's bed and gripped Himiko's shoulders like a crazy person. "Himiko! I ate your Snoozydoodles right before bed, like you told me to, and I just had the most amazing dream!!"
"What was it about?" Himiko asked.
"There were no degenerate males in the world! And all the girls made me their queen!" Tenko sighed. "It was perfect utopia! A utopia...for girls! The sky was pastel pink! The clouds were extra puffy and white! The ocean was also pink and glittery, and all the food we ate was pink, like strawberry cake, strawberry ice cream, strawberry cupcakes, and strawberry milk! And girls of every shape, size, and color were everywhere! Not a degenerate male in sight!"
"Nyeh...a dream filled with just girls sounds like a nightmare," Himiko muttered. "Most problems I had with bullying was from catty, popular girls."
"W-What?! There's no way that's true, Himiko!" Tenko cried. "Maybe they were males in disguise!"
"No, I don't think so," Himiko shook her head. "Plus, a world with just girls is going to lead to extinction."
"Not in my dream!" Tenko exclaimed happily. "Girls were born from 'Girl Flowers!'"
"Nyeeeh...girl flowers? " Himiko asked, raising a brow.
"Yeah! You plant a pink seed into the ground, and when it grows, the petals open up and reveal a beautiful baby girl inside!" Tenko gushed. "It was so amazing! Girls, girls, girls everywhere!" Himiko wrinkled her nose.
"I bet it smelled like fish in that world," she muttered.
"Fish?! Why would it smell like-...oh! Hahahaha!" Tenko said. "No, no, Himiko! We didn't have to deal with that because there was need for it! All the girls came from 'Girl Flowers,' remember?"
"Oh...I guess that's true," Himiko replied, shaking her head at the absurdity. Suddenly, there was a knock at their door. Tenko went over to open it. Standing on the other side were Tsumugi, Angie, Maki, Miu, Gonta, Ryoma, and Kaito.
"Hey! What are you all doing here?!" Tenko demanded. "Especially you degenerates!" Ignoring Tenko, they all rushed right in and crowded around Himiko's bed. Himiko nervously pulled her blanket up to her face.
"Nyeh...c-can I help you guys?" she whimpered.
"I had the most wonderful dream because of your cookies, Himiko!" Angie chirped. "Everyone in the whole wide world became a follower of Atua, and was welcomed into his kingdom!"
"I had a dream that I finally went to space!" Kaito exclaimed. "And I became the world's best astronaut for discovering a lot of alien civilizations! Everyone voted for me to be president of Earth!"
"There's no way such a title exists," Maki said, shaking her head.
"Well, maybe not in real life, but that's how it was in my dream!" Kaito said. "But, anyways, what was your dream about, Maki Roll?" Everyone turned to Maki, curious to what kind of dream she had. She blushed.
"I'd...rather not talk about it," she grumbled. "It's too dumb."
"Just tell us already, Judge Moody!" Miu spat impatiently. Maki glared at her, then sighed.
"Fine..." she said. "I had a dream where I wasn't an orphan, and I had real, actual parents who loved me. And I was happy and nice to everyone, and I didn't have to worry about being an assassin and stealing peoples' lives." Everyone stared in stunned silence at her. Maki sighed gloomily. "See? I told you it was dumb."
"Geez, that's not dumb at all," Ryoma said. "Sounds similar to my dream, though, I would agree if you had said that wishing for it to happen would be dumb."
"What do you mean, Ryoma?" asked Tsumugi.
"It's pointless to dream or wish for something that will never come true," Ryoma explained. "Even though my dream was...surprisingly delightful, it also felt like a punch in the gut. Hmph...I don't know whether to call that dream a blessing, or a curse."
"What was your dream about?" Kaito asked.
"Well, I'll tell you, but it is depressing," Ryoma warned. "My girlfriend hadn't been killed, and I was back home with her and my cat. And I didn't even play tennis, I wasn't even an Ultimate student. I was a regular guy."
"That doesn't sound depressing at all!" Kaito said.
"But, the fact that it'll never come true is what makes it depressing," Ryoma said. "That's why I say, dreams like that are pointless. It's better to forget about the past and move on with your life"
"Bullshit!" Kaito exclaimed. "C'mon, man, stop whining about how depressing your life is! You say that wishing for the impossible is dumb and it was all in the past, or whatever, so why the hell are you still depressed? If you truly believed that you should move on, you should stop worryin' about the past and look to the future with bright hopes! That goes for you, too, Maki!"
"What? Why me?" Maki asked.
"It's true that you can't change the past, and maybe wishing for it to change is dumb," Kaito explained. "But, if you're still depressed about what happened in the past, it means you can't let go of what happened! You're not moving on! Moving on is accepting what happened, and doing whatever you can to make your life better! Instead of wishing to undo the past, wish for a brighter future! That goes for all of you!" The room fell silent as they stared at Kaito.
"So, anyway, my dream was about me actually becoming the characters that I cosplay!" Tsumugi said, breaking the silence.
"Hey! Don't just ignore my inspirational speech!" Kaito exclaimed angrily.
"It really wasn't all that inspiring," Tsumugi said, haughtily waving him off.
"Seriously! Nobody asked for your opinion, Mahatma Ghandeez Nuts!" Miu said to Kaito.
"W-What?! " Kaito exclaimed.
"Ha! In my dream, I was the world's best inventor!" Miu said grandly. "With my inventions, I was able to rid the world of starvation, war, violence, famine, and all that other bad shit! And everyone loved me! All the guys on the planet wanted to bang me, and my boobs grew a size bigger!"
"Um...can you not share your dreams?" Tsumugi said. "I feel like every time you speak, I want to do unspeakably horrible things to you."
"Shut the hell up, you four-eyed, lamebrain otaku! " Miu spat. "You're just jealous because you have two deflated balloons for chest!"
"Um...can Gonta share dream, now?" Gonta asked.
"Yes, Gonta, go ahead," Tsumugi replied, eager to not have to listen to Miu anymore.
"Gonta was king of bugs!" Gonta replied. "Everyone in world loved bugs, and loved King Gonta!"
"Tuh...that dream sounds stupid as shit!" Miu scoffed.
"Oh! G-Gonta sorry..." Gonta apologized with a hurt expression.
"You don't have to apologize to her, Gonta," Tsumugi said, glaring at Miu.
"You want someone to apologize to, apologize to all of us for wastin' our time!" Miu spat to Gonta.
"Hey! Cut it out, Miu! Stop yellin' at him!" Kaito yelled.
"Don't tell me what to do, Luke Skyfucker!" Miu shouted back.
"Stop callin' me names!" Kaito yelled back.
"H-Hey! Why everyone fighting?" Gonta asked. "Gonta not mean to start fight!"
"Leave it up to a degenerate male to start a fight!" Tenko growled, glaring at Gonta.
"If you guys don't stop fighting, Atua will unleash his holy wrath upon you all," Angie warned with a creepy grin.
"Nobody asked you, you kooky cult bitch!" Miu said, swatting at Angie. "All y'all are just jealous because my dream was better that yours!"
"Excuse me?!" Tsumugi cried.
"Yeah! Obviously mine was the best one!" Kaito exclaimed.
"You're plainly wrong! Mine was the best one!" Tsumugi said.
"No, it was mine!" Tenko shouted.
"Nuh-uuuhhhh...it was mi-iiiine," Angie said cheerfully.
"Um...Gonta thinks Gonta's was pretty good," Gonta said diplomatically.
"Sheesh...I can't believe everyone is getting so worked up over this," Ryoma said.
"Seriously. It's stupid to be fighting over something like this," Maki agreed.
"Well, I don't think it's stupid at all!" Tsumugi said.
"Yeah! In fact, I want another dream!" Miu said. Everyone turned to Himiko, who had been staring at them in horrified silence. "You better whip us up some more cookies, ya little midget, or else!"
"Well, um...you'll have to wait next weekend," Himiko replied in a small voice.
"I ain't waitin' that long!" Miu spat. "So, chop, chop! Get to makin' those damn cookies right now!"
"Nyeh, but...what about school?" Himiko asked.
"Himiko's right, we need to get ready for school," Maki said. But...I think I'd also like more of the cookies." Everyone turned to her in surprise.
"Wait...really, Maki?" Tsumugi asked.
"It was...a really good-tasting cookie...that's all," Maki mumbled, fiddling with one of her pigtails.
"Or is it because you liked your dream?" Angie teased. Maki frowned at her.
"Shut up," she said.
"I...agree with Maki," Ryoma said. "I want to see if I would have a different dream. One that's more...sensible."
"A dream that's...sensible? " Tsumugi repeated.
"Yeah...one that keeps me away from my past," Ryoma explained. "Do you think you can do that for me, Himiko?"
"Nyeh...okay," Himiko said. She knew exactly how to do just that.
Part Twelve
"What was all that ruckus about earlier, Monkey Buns?" Kokichi asked as he and Himiko walked together to school.
"Nyeh...just as I was hoping, my Snoozydoodles gave everyone dreams," Himiko replied. "But, when everyone that I gave them to was talking about their dreams, things got a little out of hand."
"Was that the effect of the magic?" Kokichi asked.
"Well, no...that was because Miu was being her usual, annoying self, and then Tsumugi said something, then Miu snapped back at her, then everything sorta erupted into chaos," Himiko explained.
"Didn't you say a while ago that the dream powder can be addictive?" Kokichi asked. Himiko sighed.
"Yeah...even small doses of the dream powder might cause someone to be addicted," she said. "But, it works really well, and that's why I wanted to put it in my cookies."
"Hmm...I hope you know what you're doing, Himiko," Kokichi said.
"Well...I have another idea where the dream powder might be not as addictive...but the effects will be just as good?" Himiko said with a bit of uncertainty. Then, she blushed. "I...used this method to dream about you before we started dating." Kokichi raised his eyebrows at her.
"Really?!" he exclaimed, grinning.
"Yeah...I had to steal your hair while you were asleep to do it, though," Himiko said quietly.
"Yeah, that's not creepy at all," Kokichi teased, wrapping his arm around Himiko's waist, and giving her a kiss on the cheek. A mischievous grin crossed his lips. "I wanna know what this other method is."
***
Friday night had arrived. Kokichi was with Himiko in her secret magic room. She was flipping through the spellbook titled, "Inside the Magical Mind." Himiko showed Kokichi the chapter "Build the Perfect Dream," specifically, the romance section.
"Nyeh...these are potions I used to have dreams about you," she explained to him, and pointed to the different dreams. "This is the 'sweet love dream' potion, the 'spicy love dream' potion, and the 'hot and steamy love dream' potion." Kokichi read the description of each dream, his impish grin growing larger across his face as he read.
"So, you drank all of those potions?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows at her.
"Well, one night, I drank the first one, then the next night, I drank the second," Himiko said. "I secretly gave the last one to Miu, because I was too scared to drink it myself."
"Ugh! You gave it to Miu?! " Kokichi exclaimed in disgust.

"Well...I-I'd feel dirty having the last dream!" Himiko stammered.
"Well, then, why'd you make that potion in the first place?" Kokichi asked.
"Because I was curious!" Himiko said. "But, then my curiosity was replaced by fear and feeling dirty, so I gave it to Miu. It's a good thing I did, too, because..."
"Cuz, why...?" Kokichi asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Because she was doing very...dirty things with you," Himiko replied. "Yeah...we were having our monthly slumber party, and in the middle of it all, Miu was dreaming and...nyeh...screaming."
"AAAUUUUGGHHHH!!! GROSS!!" Kokichi exclaimed, covering his ears. "I don't wanna do it with her!! "
"Well, she did say that you said that to her in her dream," Himiko said. "But, you only did it to get her to shut up because she kept begging you."
"Ew, I don't care," Kokichi muttered. "There's no excuse to condone bestiality." Himiko sighed and gave Kokichi a playful swat. Kokichi laughed, then eyed her flirtatiously. "Besides, my body only belongs to you...Himiko." Himiko blushed and lowered her head. Every time he said her name like that, it got her heart pumping like crazy. "My body...is your body." Kokichi lifted her chin to turn her head to him. "Mi cuerpo...es su cuerpo, y mi corazón...es su corazón."
"Ohhhh...Kokichiiii...!" Himiko gurgled with delight, biting her lip. She didn't know Spanish, but he made it sound so good. Kokichi leaned in to give her a passionate kiss.
"Okay, that's enough!" he said, stopping the kiss abruptly.
"W-What?! Wait! No! Moooore...!" Himiko pouted, tugging on Kokichi's sleeve. "I want mooore."
"Nuh-uh, Monkey Buns. Tomorrow is another cookie sale, so we can't get distracted right now. We gotta make these cookies like Hiro...baked! " Kokichi said.
"O-kaaaayyy..." Himiko pouted.
"M'kay, so how are gonna do this, HimiCocoa Bean?" Kokichi asked.
"Well...what genre of potion should I make?" Himiko asked. "There's comedy, action-adventure, romance, horror, fantasy, mystery, aaannnd...lots of other stuff."
"Comedy!" Kokichi said. "Everyone needs a good laugh!"
"Nyeh...okay," Himiko said, then turned to the comedy section of the chapter.
"So, you'll just pour whatever potion you make into the cookie batter, right? And mix it up?" Kokichi asked.
"Yup, that's right," Himiko nodded.
"Aaaalrighty, then! Welp, do your thang, babe!" Kokichi said, kissing Himiko's cheek. Himiko giggled and read the comedy section:
~COMEDY:~
Laughter is the best medicine, as they say! So, why not have it in your dreams? After all, there's nothing cuter than someone laughing in their sleep! Whether you're in the mood for some gut-busting, slap-happy humor, wild, crazy humor, or even just simple, laughable jokes, every hilarious dream is welcome in clown town!
Slapstick comedy dream: A dream where tripping, punching, bashing, slapping, falling, and everything in between is considered more funny than horrifying! If you fancy a dream like that, give Slapstick comedy dream a whirl!
Boil water in small cauldron. Once water is boiled, add 1/2 cup of dream powder, 1 tsp of pepper for an extra kick, 1 tsp of cinnamon for an extra bite, 1 tsp of dragon spice for an extra punch, 3 petals of the Laffodil flower, and a 3/4 cup of sunlight for some lighthearted fun. Mix contents until water becomes a different color. Pour contents into a potion bottle. Add sleep powder before consuming. Drink and enjoy!
Fun-loving comedy dream: You can't always watch comedy, you have to experience it, too! If you feel like going on a funny, fun-filled adventure full of laughter, then the fun-loving comedy dream is just what you're looking for!
Boil water in small cauldron. Once water is boiled, add 1/2 cup of dream powder, 3/4 cup of elven sparkles for whimsy, 1 cup of pink polka dot pond water, 1 tsp of sugar, 5 petals of the Laffodil flower, and 3/4 cup of sunlight. Mix contents until water becomes a different color. Pour contents into a potion bottle. Add sleep powder before consuming. Drink and enjoy!
Joker dream: Want a dream with less gut busting, and more on the relaxed side? Then, a Joker dream is prefect the perfect comfort comedy dream for you!
Boil water in small cauldron. Once water is boiled, add 1/2 cup of dream powder, 1 tsp of funny honey, 1 petal of the Laffodil flower, a pinch of jesterly ginseng powder, and 3/4 cup of sunlight. Mix contents until water becomes a different color. Pour contents into a potion bottle. Add sleep powder before consuming. Drink and enjoy!
"Nyeh...which one should I pick?" Himiko asked. Kokichi scanned the page.
"Hmm...why not all of them?" he suggested. "You can make three batches of cookies, and pour the different potions into each one! Actually, it's way more interesting that way, since people will get to randomly choose their comedy dream cookies!"
"I guess you're right," Himiko said. She got to work, whipping up all three potions. "Nyeh...all done!"
"Do you wanna go to D.I.C.E. headquarters and bake them there again?" Kokichi asked.
"Yeah, but...let's take the short way," Himiko said. "I'm already tired from making these potions." Before Kokichi could ask what she meant, Himiko snapped her fingers, and they magically appeared at the abandoned insane asylum serving as D.I.C.E. headquarters.

I started painting my first ever reborn doll (Fawna by Cindy Musgrove) during May through July of 2022. That year was a huge blur to me, but this doll has a lot of sentimental significance. He was a memorial baby that paid tribute to recently passed Minecraft YouTuber, Technoblade! I tried to auction him off to raise funds for the Sarcoma Foundation, but after nearly being scammed from a buyer and having no one place a bid after the second listing, my friend Loyalist Crow donated $35 to the Sarcoma Foundaition in return for adopting him! He’s now staying with a lovely indigenous family surrounded by kids and neighbors who love him and knit him sweaters in Northern Canada!
He’ll always have my heart, and considering I intentionally made him darker-skinned because that’s what I was excited to try, I think he turned out pretty well for a first time doll! What do you think?