My sister is a seeming narcissist. Tons of history and it has begun to affect me recently. I would say that I am kind, and I really want to help her.
For the past 4 years she was in a relationship with a bigger(smarter) narcissist than her, he kept a secret relationship from her the entire time. She never really opened up to me about it, only really getting details from my mom and heard some things here and there. It did not end well.
She bought a house with this guy in 2022, since he left she has to pay the entire mortgage. Since then, her car got repossessed and she is in a new relationship. Now, she’s using my Mom’s designer Jeep Wrangler (she earned through elementary school teacher wage) because she threw a fit on her birthday after learning that she would get my old Grand Cherokee.
I’ve had to be in her life recently because there is nobody to take care of her lawn or her three dogs (she uses them as relationship weapons).
I expected to be compensated, 50$ a week, I have to Commute an hour to get here, I have to pay for the gas in the mower, I have to mow and weed whack in a specific way or she has a fit. I have to do more miscellaneous house/lawn work and she’s refusing to pay me.
This week, I had to take her dog to the groomer, she payed me for the upfront cost of the appointment, but of course forgot a tip for the groomer.
Also her boyfriend is taking her on a vacation, the 3rd one in three months. In order to do this, she would need to use my Grand Cherokee in order to drive 3 hours to an airport.
I went ahead and got an oil change for it, and arrived at her house with 50 miles left in the tank. I told her, and she became visibly pissed.
I said “Don’t give me that look, not like you would plan on paying me back at least 60$ worth of gas” (not to mention she drove 20,000 miles in 6 months without leaving the state before her car was repossessed)
She scoffed, “well it’s your car, didn’t you just go and fill up the gas can??? why wouldn’t you also fill up your car?!?”
“It’s not my vacation.”
Then she went all the way up until she left without saying a word to me, glaring at me.
As she leaves, her dogs cry, a familiar sight.
She acts like I am obligated to do everything for her: house care, dog care, lawn care, fill her gas tank???
These sort of feelings bring me here, how do I deal with a family member like this? Like I love her like family, but it’s like she doesn’t know what that means. She’s never tried to get to know me, just tries to boss me around. Someone like this I would typically want to try and avoid… but it’s family. Idk

-How many applications did you send?
-How long were you looking for work?
-This is the important one: If you feel something in your process gave you an edge, what was it?
-How much networking did you do?
-Where do you feel the job market for SWEs is headed?
-Any advice for an uncommon strategy that can help job seekers get noticed? A cold outreach strategy? Video cover letters? Publishing an ad for your SWE services in a local newspaper?

So my ghoster came back after 1 month and gave a vague apology , he told "I felt I did Sone mistake so I wanted to say sry " I replied okay Again he came back multiple time like Hi, next day plz reply , wt is the matter, why are you so angry/ sad ? For 3 day's after that I replied I'll text tommrow but I replied a big paragraph abt I was hurt from his certain type of behavior.... Then he wrote a paragraph telling he stopped talking because he thought I was uncomfortable and he though to give space so for Mt comfort he stopped talking I accepted his apology , bur then in between he told I'm mature so I wanted to sought out the matter... We talked for 2 day's after this and suddenly he asked if I got a boyfriend or smtg, is he suitable to be in long term relationship from me .... I really got scared that he might ask me out or smtg like before only he started to act hot and cold 3rd day he texted I replied and he replied back after 10 hrs ... I thought to myself enough is enough I can't take this behavior anymore , he wasn't grateful that I gave him 2nd chance so I send him a paragraph "For my own personal reasons I wanna discontinue our contact Ik you wanted to make me comfortable but after you ghosted me it had a terrible impact on me , honestly I got attached and I had a hard time to let go of my emotions I'm glad you apologized and wanted to fix things ... I wanna be honest with you before it's too late and we end up hurting each other I'm thinking abt us both because I felt You're thinking to level up our friendship which I'm not okay with I hope you understand and take my decision into consideration Will not ignore you just wanna discontinue our contact Thank you!" To which he replied wt happened, he really insisted on calling we talked and he asked wt was I doing I said just woke up and I was at my cousins house , he told after sleeping brain feels fresh right? And you're at your cousins place ...and he even told so you're removing me from your life, you don't want me to text or call anymore etc so I said I need 1 month time so he told okay u only text then...The end Now my Q is how do I face him everyday in college like he's my classmate and very popular, extroverted and I'm introverted and stuff I kinda feel bad and confused after my decision.... plz help me with a solution.

Technically it's not just for children, but they're the most common category of dependent and most likely to benefit from *one* of the plans. It zeroes out tuition, it does not cover other expenses.
I just learned that California shifted its income-eligibility status (under Plan B) to a state-level poverty wage, rather than a federal-level poverty wage. This is a shift from something like a ~$15k annual limit for the child, to a ~$20k annual limit, and will increase as California's Franchise Tax Board revises.
One HUGE advantage of this program is that it does not require the VETERAN to live in California, which is a lot more flexible, than, say, Washington's. This is based on the residency of the DEPENDENT.
I told a friend about this when I was using my GI Bill, and by the next week not only did she zero out her future law school tuition, she got a refund on the amount she had already paid. She later ran into difficulties using this with an MBA program, because there was confusion over what it covers. It apparently covers "academic" programs, which includes full-time MBA studies, but does not cover "self-funded" or "professional" programs like the part-time MBA programs. So, her parent's sacrifices *only* covered a law degree.
Three useful links for you and your dependents to assess:
California College Fee Waiver, to explain in further detail (I'll copy-past the content of this here, but it may update) https://www.calvet.ca.gov/VetServices/Pages/College-Fee-Waiver.aspx
How a Dependent would to establish residency in California for Education purposes (TLDR: 366 days, intent to permanently stay):
https://www.ucop.edu/residency/establishing-residency.html
California Income Eligiblity Limits for Plan B (looks like $21,561 for 2024 based off 2023 numbers): https://www.ftb.ca.gov/file/personal/residency-status/index.html

College Fee Waiver

​​​The College Fee Waiver for Veteran Dependents benefit waives mandatory system-wide tuition and fees at any State of California Community College, California State University, or University of California campus. This program does not cover the expense of books, parking or room and board. There are four plans under which dependents of Veterans may be eligible.

Plan A

• The unmarried child of a Veteran who is totally service-connected disabled or whose death was officially rated as service-connected is eligible. The child must be over 14 years old and under 27 years old to be eligible. If the child is a Veteran, then the age limit is extended to age 30;
• The spouse of a wartime Veteran who is totally service-connected disabled is eligible. There are no age limit restrictions;
• The unmarried surviving spouse of a wartime Veteran whose death has been rated as service-connected is eligible. There are no age limit restrictions;
• Any dependent of any Veteran who has been declared missing in action, captured in the line of duty by hostile forces, or forcibly detained or interned in the line of duty by a foreign government or power is eligible.

The Veteran must have served at least one day of active duty during a period of war as declared by the U.S. Congress, or during any time in which the Veteran was awarded a campaign or expeditionary medal. Concurrent receipt of benefits under Plan A and VA Chapter 35 benefits is prohibited. To receive benefits under Plan A, a dependent must sign an "Election To Receive College Waiver Benefits" statement acknowledging this fact. There are no income restrictions under this plan. To be eligible, the event which caused basic entitlement to benefits (i.e., the date the Veteran died of service-connected causes or the date the military or United States Department of Veterans Affairs (USDVA) rated the Veteran as totally disabled as a result of service-connected disabilities) must have occurred prior to the child's 21st birthday.

Plan B

The child of a Veteran who has a service-connected disability, or had a service-connected disability at the time of death, or died of service-related causes is eligible. The child's annual income, which includes the child's adjusted gross income, plus the value of support provided by a parent, may not exceed the annual income limit. The current academic year entitlement is based upon the previous calendar year's annual income. Under Plan B, wartime service is not required and there are no specific age requirements. Children are the only dependents eligible under this plan. There is no prohibition against receiving concurrent VA Chapter 35 benefits.

Plan C

Any dependent of any member of the California National Guard, who in the line of duty while on active service to the state, was killed, died of a disability resulting from an event that occurred while in active service to the state, or is permanently disabled as a result of an event that occurred while in the service to the state is eligible. Surviving spouses who have not remarried are also eligible.
"Active service to the state," for the purpose of this benefit, means a member of the California National Guard activated pursuant to Section 146 of the Military and Veterans Code. A copy of those orders pursuant to Section 146, not Section 143, must be furnished to establish eligibility.

Plan D

Medal of Honor recipients and children of Medal of Honor recipients under the age of 27 may qualify. Benefits under Plan D are limited to undergraduate studies only, and applicants are subject to both income and age restrictions. There is no prohibition against receiving concurrent VA Chapter 35 benefits.

Notes:

• All applicants must meet California residency requirements as per the schools requirements.
• If eligibility criteria is met, use of the College Waiver for Veterans Dependents may be applied to state-support programs in the CCC, CSU, and UC systems. Some academic programs at these institutions that are considered self-supported, commonly referred to as extension courses or extended education are not required to apply the College Fee Waiver because these courses, degrees, and certificates are neither funded by the state nor are they system-wide programs. Veterans dependents using this waiver should research their academic programs thoroughly before applying to the college or university.
• Education Code, Section 66025.3 does not provide the authority to grant College Fee Waiver benefits retroactively. However, an exception exists relating to applications received under the provisions of Military and Veterans Code Section 890.3(a)(1). The law permits retroactive fee waiver benefits when an application is denied solely due to the fact that the Veteran has a claim pending with the USDVA for service connected disability or death benefits, but the claim has yet to be awarded, and in the future the USDVA adjudicates a service connected rating. The Veteran or student must have applied for the College Fee Waiver during each academic year in which they are seeking the benefit; the application will be denied due to no service connected disability. Once the Veteran has been awarded service connected disability rating, bring the VA notification letter and denial letter(s) back to the CVSO for review.
• If you are a child of a Veteran, you must attach Verification of Dependency. Acceptable verifications include, but are not limited to, a Birth Certificate, Adoption Records or Marriage Certificate. Those seeking status as an Adopted Child or as a Stepchild must have entered into such status prior to the child's 23th Birthday.
• Effective January 1, 2024 Plan B applicant income, which includes the student's adjusted gross income for the prior year plus the value of any support received from a parent, will no longer be measured against the federal poverty threshold limit when making a fee waiver eligibility determination. Instead, beginning with Academic Year 2024-25, the student's income will not be allowed to exceed the STATE poverty level as published in the resident requirement filing chart found on the Franchise Tax Board website. This change was brought about when AB 1745, Soria. Public postsecondary education: veterans: waiver of mandatory systemwide tuition and fees, was signed into law by Governor Newsom. This represents a substantial change to the program as the State poverty threshold limit is significantly higher than the federal poverty threshold limit. For example, in 2023 the State threshold was $20,913, while the federal threshold was $15,225. ​

So my ghoster came back after 1 month and gave a vague apology , he told "I felt I did Sone mistake so I wanted to say sry " I replied okay Again he came back multiple time like Hi, next day plz reply , wt is the matter, why are you so angry/ sad ? For 3 day's after that I replied I'll text tommrow but I replied a big paragraph abt I was hurt from his certain type of behavior.... Then he wrote a paragraph telling he stopped talking because he thought I was uncomfortable and he though to give space so for Mt comfort he stopped talking I accepted his apology , bur then in between he told I'm mature so I wanted to sought out the matter... We talked for 2 day's after this and suddenly he asked if I got a boyfriend or smtg, is he suitable to be in long term relationship from me .... I really got scared that he might ask me out or smtg like before only he started to act hot and cold 3rd day he texted I replied and he replied back after 10 hrs ... I thought to myself enough is enough I can't take this behavior anymore , he wasn't grateful that I gave him 2nd chance so I send him a paragraph "For my own personal reasons I wanna discontinue our contact Ik you wanted to make me comfortable but after you ghosted me it had a terrible impact on me , honestly I got attached and I had a hard time to let go of my emotions I'm glad you apologized and wanted to fix things ... I wanna be honest with you before it's too late and we end up hurting each other I'm thinking abt us both because I felt You're thinking to level up our friendship which I'm not okay with I hope you understand and take my decision into consideration Will not ignore you just wanna discontinue our contact Thank you!" To which he replied wt happened, he really insisted on calling we talked and he asked wt was I doing I said just woke up and I was at my cousins house , he told after sleeping brain feels fresh right? And you're at your cousins place ...and he even told so you're removing me from your life, you don't want me to text or call anymore etc so I said I need 1 month time so he told okay u only text then...The end Now my Q is how do I face him everyday in college like he's my classmate and very popular, extroverted and I'm introverted and stuff I kinda feel bad and confused after my decision.... plz help me with a solution.

Hello guys,
I(26M) need your help here,
My GF(24F) is a wonderful person and a pure human being.
She loves me so so so much that i can't even put it in words, She does everything and puts so much efforts in our relationship that I can't even imagine.
Its her birthday next week and i want to surprise her with the letter.
I have written 6 pages and its just amazing. I am good at it hehe.
Now, i am not sure how to present it. Like how do i gift her. Its plain 6 pages of thibgs written on it. I dont want to post it to her. How do i present it. I was thinking about scroll or something but i dont know,
Please suggest, only 1 week left.
Thanks in advance. Love ya all.

For anyone who feels lost trying to apply for accommodations on the MCAT, you are not alone! I will try to keep this short with as much information as possible. Please feel free to DM me with any personal questions!
Accommodation History

• Junior year of HS, my ACT tutors recommended I get a neuropsychological evaluation for support for extra time on the ACT due to clear signs of ADHD and testing struggles.
• Received full 2 day neuropsych eval outlining my ADHD and testing struggles.
• Received time & a half on all standardized tests (SAT, ACT)
• Received time & a half on all college assessments.

First MCAT Attempt - Normal Timing
I took the MCAT with no accommodations on 6/17/23. I scored below 500 (which was not consistent with my practice exams, but I remember being extremely nervous on test day, really running out of time, and only being able to guess on the math questions because I had no time to attempt them).
Reasons For Not Originally Attempting To Apply For Accommodations:
AAMC requires a neuropsych eval that has not expired within 4 years. My eval had just expired. It is pretty expensive and time consuming to get this done.
Didn't want to spend the time and money on a new neuropsych eval.
AAMC accommodation process seemed tedious and intimidating. I almost felt like I would be using my time better by studying for the MCAT instead of working on the application.
The stigma surrounding ADHD/receiving extra time on tests - I think I wanted to try to "overcome" my disability because of the fear of being judged..Especially when thinking about how doctors don't receive extra time in the real world. However, I can confidently say that there is no reason to feel judged for finding what works best for you as an individual and as a test taker, especially in order to "level the playing field". And we all know the MCAT is not comparable to real life emergency situations.
Important Resources/Documents I Submitted When Applying for Accommodations:

• Received a new neuropsychological evaluation.
  • As I said before, this can be extremely costly. Unfortunately, I do think this is absolutely necessary.
    • AAMC posted this Lower-Cost Evaluation Option for those who cannot afford pricey testing: https://students-residents.aamc.org/applying-medical-school/article/university-clinics
• Submitted previous neuropsych eval from 2017.
• I attended the same school from Kindergarten - 12th grade. I reached out to them and asked if they kept my report cards and notes from teachers throughout my academic career. I chose quotes from teachers that highlighted my ADHD-like tendencies throughout my time at the school.
• Reached out to the ACT to have them send my approval of taking the ACT with extra time.
• Submitted my ACT score when I tested with normal time & after testing with extra time (to show improvement)
  • a screenshot of your score is fine, just make sure your name is shown somewhere in the screenshot.
• Letters from High School + College explaining proof of receiving accommodations.

What I applied for (Applied on 10/24/23):

• Standard Time & 50% (This means testing over 2 days)
• Stop-The-Clock Breaks
• Extended Section Breaks (Only get one 10 min break per day when testing over 2 days)

First Decision Received by AAMC: (11/28/23)

• Approval for Standard Time + 25% (testing over 2 days)
• Stop-The-Clock breaks (30 min per testing day)
• Extra 5 minutes of break time for a total of 15 minutes, as opposed to 10 mins.

Wrote a Reconsideration Letter on behalf of myself & had my evaluator write a reconsideration letter.
Submitted this reconsideration letter on 12/22/23
Received Final Decision & Approval of What I Initially requested on 01/20/24.
This was a really long post and an extremely long journey. While I am extremely grateful that I have all these resources to share with you, I acknowledge that every situation is different. Please don't give up if you truly feel you deserve certain accommodations. The MCAT does not define you!
Good Luck & feel free to message me with any questions!!

I'm new to this subject but I found it interesting, and I'm going to test it to see if it really works after reading enough, I was thinking about mixing it with some things I already have proficiency in like scenario memorization (mainly to memorize things), visualizing these real scenarios or fictitious and the sensations we feel in reality.
Do you think there is a way to create Tulpas for specific places? For example, you close your eyes and imagine yourself in a specific scenario, perhaps your house where you meet a Tulpa who is your brother, she can only know about things that happened in that house, how she would perhaps go out to work or in a library she would know about the things that would happen if she and I were there, but let's suppose that after I mentally went through that house and then mentally went to a house in another country, to another Tulpa's house and talked to her, there's a way they only appear in these certain places, and if they left they had a good reason, for example, if there was a licensed Tulpa, I could pay him to send a letter to another Tulpa on the other side of the world, there might be a Tulpa who works as a wallet and send messages to multiple places?
I'm not sure if this is possible but I'd love to hear what you guys think, maybe someone has tested something similar?
Could I mentally create a city with the population being a bunch of Tulpas?

For the past year I’ve been dating my gf. We met in 8th grade at the time she had a boyfriend so whenever I would make advances they’d just get shut down. We rekindled my senior year of high school when I discovered her instagram page. At the time I didn’t know if she was currently in a relationship and didn’t really care to ask. We made small talk here and there but never anything flirtatious or sexually suggestive. One day she texted me and asked if I wanted her to hook me up with one of her friends, so of course me being me I accepted the offer. She then proceeded to ask me if I was a cheater, I told her no. She then asked for my number to put us into contact and right after I sent it. She texted me on iMessage stating that she thinks we’d make a good couple. I had been tricked. And in this moment when I read her text I couldn’t help but feel like the nice guy who finished last and got what was left over. we started chatting again more frequently and this was probably at the peak of my “hoe phase” I had just recently got a car gifted to me by my loving parents. So as a horny teen who just recently graduated I was doing bad. Seeing girls daily (intimately) sometimes even two. So as you could imagine I was not in the mental head space to jump into a relationship especially seeing that I’ve never been in one. Mind you she knew the type of guy I was, Because during my “hoe phase” I would publicize me going on dates with various girls on my instagram story cause I thought it was cool and my buddies would always ask how can I maneuver so carelessly and still have women that still put up with me. Around this time we weren’t in a relationship yet so their wasn’t any consequences for my actions. She’d see it complain then brush it off. But seeing that I did use to like this girl a lot…and I mean a lot, Just to put it into perspective for you on how delusional and down bad I was. When we first started chatting again, I went to our old Snapchat messages and reread every single one which took about 3 hours and they were so cringey and sappy to me that I took the time to delete every single one. (She was one of those weird people who’d saved the messages instead of letting them automatically delete after 24 hours) I felt like I had to do this because I didn’t want her to have any recollection of that desperate version of myself. Fast forward a few weeks and we went on our first date. I decided to take things slow with her by limiting myself to only kissing and fingering her. Then About a month after that is when we first had sex. And it felt exactly like I expected it to…magical. It was like we were two bodies who were meant for each other that finally met. Fast forward a few more months now it’s time for her to go off to college and when she left I slowly started reverting back into my old ways of seeing multiple girls a week and being promiscuous. This continued up until about January the next year when I got caught. Long story short, she cried I cried and we both decided that we’d like to move forward. During this season of our relationship I was constantly feeling guilt so much to the point where I ever considered suicide. I was constantly in my head saying things like “is it even worth it” “she probably doing it too and you just don’t know” “leave her” “it’ll never work” “you won’t regain her trust” “our relationship is irreparable” “don’t waste anymore of your youthful years on this failing relationship”. And with due time these negative thoughts stopped consuming my mind and we actually started doing better. I quit my job moved in with her and started working remotely. At this point in my life I couldn’t be any happier. It felt like a dream come true. All it took was one weekend and all of this ended. At this point it’s around spring break so all the surrounding colleges are having parties. I devised a plan to pick all the boys and go on a little road trip. We hit different colleges daily to party, drink and smoke and the biggest of incentive all, to meet girls. Looking back on it, this was a recipe for disaster. On one particular night I uploaded a video of me getting twerked on my by a girl to my close friends on instagram not remembering that she was still included in it. And before I could even sober up and realize what the fuck I’ve just done she eventually saw it and messaged me stating that this is her last time and “we’re done”. In this moment when I read the text while being drunk & high I just couldn’t find it in me to care or fight for our relationship. So I just thought to myself “ok”. As the night proceeded I found myself in some random suite where a girl approached me and began express her interest in me and long story short I ended up cheating. When all the fun was over and I dropped all the guys back home. I was still tasked with having to drive my girlfriend m back to her dorm cause she stayed with family for the weekend. I didn’t want to take her but no other buses were departing and everyone who she could’ve possibly asked was already preoccupied or just didn’t feel like doing a 4 hour drive there and back. And plus before all this turmoil I had already promised to her that I’d drive her back. I go to pick her up and she’s all moody and for the first 3 hours of the ride she gives me silent treatment. And the first words out of her mouth were “you know when we get back to my dorm you’re packing your shit and leaving right?” At first I didn’t respond. I laughed actually, not hysterically but more of a “wow after all we been thru you’re really ending this?” Laugh. All types of thoughts started racing thru my head. Part of me wanted to serve the car in front of an oncoming 18 wheeler but then I remembered that she’s still here with me and as ironic as it sounds I’d never want to hurt her, especially in a way that could result in fatality. The laughing slowly turned into silent tears. The pain I was feeling in my stomach was so excruciating it felt as if I had just been stabbed with a 10 foot sword repeatedly over and over and over again. I eventually started uncontrollably crying and spewing out my feelings. While doing this I confessed to cheating on her and told how I’d been long before that weekend. I pulled over to the side of the interstate in the middle of nowhere with no reception got out and just started crying even harder so she couldn’t see. I felt like my life had been ruined and the only person I could blame for it was myself. I eventually got back in and started driving in silence again. After all that crying with the added partying the past week and weekend I must’ve been real tired cause I started to doze off which I usually don’t. I’ve taken the drive enough to become accustomed to it and have built up enough stamina to make it all the way through without having to fight the feeling of tiredness. She noticed this and offered to take the wheel which I respectfully declined. I then told her I’d be pulling over to the side of the road to catch a quick 2 minute nap. I typically do this whenever I’m on extra long drives and my friends know me for it. I set a 2 minute timer on my phone and let my body temporarily rejuvenate as much as possible. And chances are they usually fall asleep too. Because I’d literally rather trust myself to drive tired before I let one of my unlicensed friends behind the wheel. I put my head down for what felt like 10 seconds and woke up to her nudging my shoulder saying that 7 minutes have passed. This bothered me because if I was so tired to the point I myself didn’t hear the alarm she should have came to the realization that I was genuinely tired and let me rest a little longer. But because it was her birthday she probably overlooked this aspect of my situation because she was just tooeager to get to her own birthday party that her friends had started without her. I began driving again will still tired and now aggravated from being woken up. I began to speed at this point we’re 40 miles away from our destination. The tiredness began to take over again and before I knew it I wake up to the screaming of my name as the car is slowly drifting off the road and I’m stuck in mud on the side of the interstate. A state trooper and tow truck arrive to assess the situation and we end up taking a Uber the rest of the way. At this point I’m stranded. I spent my last on tow truck fees and don’t even have anything saved up to pay for the mechanic fees, let alone worry about gas money. We somehow managed talk and temporarily bandaid the under lying issue and sleep in the same bed that night but things progressively kept on getting worse and worse as the days went on. It got so bad to the point where we slept in different rooms, Or so I thought. The morning after I go into her room to check on her and see paper towels and her sitting up still crying in the same position she was the night before. I on the other hand actually slept pretty well. She then came into my room still with water in her cute pearly big eyes. And to my surprise sat down directly on my lap and told me how she couldn’t get no sleep. We hugged and talked and cried then ultimately came to the conclusion that our relationship is worth more than my stupid mistakes and I have some more maturing to do.

I just wante to alert anyone AGAINST trying to get a CPT internship job in the USA while at Illinois Institute of Technology (IIT).
I've been trying to get my authorization for an Amazon SDE Internship for Summer and they have been putting a lot of obstacles to it.
For CPT, you need your job offer letter from the employer and then you submit that to a Handshake application (yes, that website to find jobs, even when you got your job elsewhere) and you have to wait for the Office of Experiential Learning to check the info and send an email to my employer to aprove it. It has been 2 weeks and tons of emails for them to send a link. A direct link to the aproval form.
Then you have to sign up for the internship course (0 credits if you are for a non-credit internship) and after that you submit the CPT form signed by your employer.
Well, now the Office of Global Services says the signature format in my CPT form is incorrect, even when Amazon does the same signature for thousands of interns.
And when you contact them via email, they send a response telling you not to email them or your case gets pushed back in the queue. Their phones are disconnected and the times I went in person they have a paper in the door that says "Not working for the rest of the week".
Right now, I am looking to change university because they just ruined my Amazon internship and now I have to keep paying my student loan.
I know, welcome to America and Illinois Institute of Technology.

The people involved (names are changed):
Jake – me
Tom – my flatmate
Kath – Tom’s girlfriend
Emily – Kath’s flatmate
TLDR (but context is very important for how the situation develops):
· Me and Emily get with each other at a party.
· It turns out Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me. Since Emily went and did it anyway, Kath falls out with her.
· Kath ends her friendship with Emily. Me and Emily continue seeing each other.
· When I plan to go to see Emily at their apartment, Tom tells me that Kath is in a really dark place mentally, and the thought of me and Emily being there together while Kath’s there is triggering her anxiety, so he asks me not to go over.
· Me and Emily follow these instructions for months, all whilst Tom and Kath continue coming and going to either of our apartments as they please.
· Emily eventually gets in touch with Kath to try and understand exactly why me coming over is an issue, since Kath has no problem coming to my place. Kath has a meltdown due to this and it makes her suicidal.
· Tom falls out with me because I knew about the messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
(Skip to 'Late April' if you want to go straight to the crux of this post, but I do think it's quite an entertaining read).
Background Context
Me and Tom (both mid-twenties) have lived together in our apartment since I moved to the city last year. I’ve known him for several years and would put him in my inner circle of closest friends, so living with him was all just good chill vibes as expected - or at least it was for the first six months.
I met Tom’s girlfriend of several months, Kath, for the first time pretty soon after moving in. Although she was kind of shy, I thought she seemed nice enough. I noticed that Kath would seem to lean on Tom a fair amount when it came to support for her mental health (she had been diagnosed with anxiety), which of course is normal as her boyfriend. On one occasion, she had a particularly bad anxious episode during a group hangout, with Tom consoling her about it afterwards. Following this, Tom seemed exhausted, saying to me “I’m not a professional, I’m not equipped to deal with all this mental health stuff. She needs help from someone who can adequately help her deal with these thoughts. When she blows things out of proportion and she stresses out to me about her anxiety, it just ends up making my own anxiety worse”. He also said that he had even offered to pay for therapy for Kath, but she didn’t want to accept it.
I just felt bad for Tom, especially since I had some understanding of what he was going through. I had previously had a girlfriend who had anxiety/depression/BPD and put all her mental health issues on me. That girlfriend was also very manipulative and would mention suicidal thoughts any time she started feeling like she was losing control over me (just to be clear, there was no indication that Kath was acting in a manipulative way towards Tom at that point). In my experience, when you end up in a situation where you’re essentially acting as someone’s full-time personal mental health counsellor, it hardly ever ends well.
At some point in January, I met Kath’s “bestie” flatmate, Emily. I remember thinking she was cute, seemed nice and easy to talk to. We all hung out as a group a few times that month and I thought there may have been a little bit of a vibe between me and Emily.
So as you do, I slid into Emily’s DMs and basically let her know I was interested. I messaged her a week or two before our party that her and Kath were coming to, but her response was lukewarm so I just thought she probably wasn’t interested.
For context, I had recently broken up with my girlfriend in January, who had just got back from travelling for the last 6 months. Things in that relationship weren’t great before she even went travelling, and during the months she was away I had come to terms with the fact that it was best to end it. I waited until she was back to say it in person, as I didn’t want to drop that on her while she was travelling and ruin that once in a lifetime experience. However, deep down I knew I had wanted talk to other girls and explore new connections for the last few months, but obviously I didn’t want talk to anyone until it was cleanly over. Me messaging Emily was only a few days after breaking up with her, which I guess isn’t great, but in my head I had been ready to move on for a while, I saw no point in putting an arbitrary time limit on myself. I made sure to explain this context when I messaged Emily so that she was aware of my recent circumstances.
The Party (End of January)
So me and Emily end up getting with each other at the party. Initially, when I brought up me messaging her, she said “I think you’re cute, but I think it’s best we just be friends for the next couple months, since you just recently got out of a relationship, and we can see what happens afterwards”. But as the night went on, I guess Emily changed her mind, because as we kept talking it got increasingly flirty and we ended up getting together. Perfect end to the night, right? Not exactly.
At one point when Emily goes to the bathroom, she comes back into my bedroom saying “Kath is furious at me”. I ask why, and she says that Kath had basically forbidden her from getting with me.
Back when I first messaged Emily, she had of course shown Kath the messages straight away. It turns out Kath for some reason had a really intense reaction to this and was like “I can’t believe he has the audacity to hit on my best friend right after breaking up with his girlfriend! It’s so disrespectful using you as a rebound, it’s disrespectful to his ex and it’s disrespectful to me for hitting on my best friend like this! He was the only one of Tom’s friends that I actually liked but he’s ruined that too now!”.
Apparently, Kath had been used as a rebound before and this was triggering for her, so she didn’t want her best friend to be used as a rebound. She said “you can’t get with him, Emily, that’s my boundary.” Emily was a bit taken aback by the intensity of this reaction and was just a bit like “umm okay…?”. She tried a few times before the party to understand a bit more about why Kath had such a problem with it but didn’t get much further explanation than that.
Now, I agree that Emily was in the wrong for saying to Kath that she wouldn’t get with me and then went and did it anyway, and Emily also acknowledges this. Emily should have said from the start she wasn’t okay with this weird “boundary” Kath had set. It was a bit cowardly. Although given how intensely Kath overreacts to things, I can understand why Emily initially just agreed to whatever she was saying to calm her down. I can also understand how when you’re at a party having fun, drinking and realise that you do actually have a good vibe with the person, in the moment you might change your mind and be like “actually fuck that, who the fuck is she to tell me who I can and can’t get with?”.
Kath saw this as Emily having no respect for their friendship, by choosing some guy she’d just met over her. From Emily’s perspective she was choosing herself, choosing not to follow these nonsensical rules that had been imposed on her, and she was just tired of Kath overreacting to everything and trying to control her.
In my opinion, being this controlling for no good reason is pretty disrespectful in itself. Given that Kath’s reason for telling Emily not to get with me was because she didn’t want her to be used as a rebound…well that’s Emily’s risk to take, isn’t it? I can see how from Emily’s perspective, she knew Kath might not be happy about it, but it’s also not some deep betrayal, since based on the reason Kath gave, the consequence would only be on Emily herself. Emily had the exact same knowledge about my recent relationship status as Kath did, so why did Kath think she can tell her what to do?
As we get to further into this post and the real reason why Kath set this “boundary” is revealed, you will see why I actually think any argument Kath has against Emily for getting with me at the party is automatically void, but we will learn these details as they come.
Start of February
After the events of the party, Kath didn’t want to talk to Emily the next day when she tried to initiate communication via message (Kath tends to avoid in-person confrontation). Fair enough, Emily gave her space. Me and Emily spend the next day together just talking and getting to know each other more, and it’s clear that we vibe together and both feel very comfortable with each other, which is pretty rare for both of us.
I don’t see Tom for the first few days after the party, as he had been staying at Kath’s. When I do, I’m a bit surprised that he didn’t think much of Kath’s reaction at the party. He says “yeah I probably should have warned you about this beforehand”. We both agree that Emily was in the wrong for going back on what she said, but also that Kath shouldn’t have tried to control her like that. He did say “sorry I know this put you in an awkward position”.
A few days after the party, Emily again tries to get in touch with Kath via message.
Emily’s message essentially apologised for her actions, saying she was in the wrong for going back on what she said, and that she should have said from the start that she wasn’t happy with this “boundary”. She also said that Kath shouldn’t have tried to dictate her life and tell her what to do, especially when it’s something that’s none of her business, and that she is going to continue seeing me, taking the risk of being a “rebound”.
Kath’s response essentially said the whole incident at the party was only a small part of why she exploded so intensely, this was just the last in a long line of things Emily had done in the past which she had not forgiven her for. This was just the last straw for Kath because “it hit so close to home, so close to the love of my life”. She wanted things to be civil between them until the end of their tenancy, but this was essentially the end of their friendship.
Okay good, Kath flipping out so badly now finally made a bit more sense to me. Obviously, I wanted to know what Emily had done that was so bad to cause this, as any indicators of bad character would inform whether I choose to keep talking to her.
Emily went through these, explaining that these were incidents from their past that they had discussed at the time, dealt with and moved on from. I have cut these out for the word limit as they don’t add much to this post, but it was the most minor, nonsensical things (I can explain in the comments if anyone wants details).
In any case, I wasn’t particularly interested in what mistakes Emily might have made months or years ago, I was more interested in what her character was like now and going forward.
Early/Mid February
So here’s where the main situation we’re in now starts. For context, Kath and Emily’s apartment is in the city center, close to where both mine and Tom’s offices are, so it would make sense to go over in the evening and go into work from theirs the next morning, as Tom has been doing once or twice a week for the last few months.
It's worth noting that ever since the party right up to the present moment, Emily and Kath have not been interacting at all, avoiding each other in their apartment, only messaging for things like bill payments.
The first time I planned to go stay round Emily’s place was early/mid-February. When I mention this to Tom, he tells me that Kath has been having a really bad time mentally since the party, and the thought of me and Emily being there together triggers her anxiety. He asks me not to go over to their apartment for the next couple of weeks or so while she’s in this particularly bad phase. I don’t really understand what me going over and seeing Emily has to do with Kath’s anxiety (and Tom says he doesn't really understand it either himself), but I say okay fine it’s not that big of deal, I won’t go over for the time being.
Now, a valid question for myself is why I decided to keep seeing Emily, despite knowing that Kath had fallen out with her and therefore knowing it could potentially cause fiction between me and Tom. I don’t think I did anything wrong for several reasons:
· I suppose there’s the general visceral reaction against being told what to do. Like mind your own business, it’s not my fault Kath decided to get involved in my business. Why should she get what she wants when she’s the one being unreasonable? Why should we deny ourselves the opportunity of getting to know someone we seem to vibe with just because Tom’s girlfriend doesn’t like it?
· Before I even knew there was any issue at all, it was already too late; I had already gotten with Emily, they had already fallen out, and Kath already thought I was a dickhead. So what good would it do now to not see each other? Kath already didn’t like me (and she had also previously told me that once she doesn’t like someone, there’s no going back, they’re finished in her mind).
· In the initial first few days after the party, both me and Tom were kind of expecting that Kath’s reaction would blow over in a few days after she had cooled down. How could I have predicted that her reaction would instead continue getting increasingly intense as the situation went on?
· Frankly, I was annoyed at Tom at this point. He knew how Kath had reacted to me messaging Emily, so why did he just bend over and enable his girlfriends’ controlling, unreasonable behavior without question? If it was my girlfriend acting like this generally, I’d be like “why are you getting involved in their business, just let them do what they want?”, and especially so if it was directly affecting one of my close friends.
· Fundamentally, there’s no inherent reason why there had to be any issue at all? Okay Kath has ended her friendship with Emily and might not like that we’re seeing each other, but there’s no need for there to be any continued drama. Obviously we won’t all be hanging out as a four having fun like I had initially hoped, but that doesn’t mean we can’t just exist as adults and be civil? The only reason this continues to be an issue in the first place is because Kath is making it an issue for everyone else involved.
· Finally, I actually like Emily – from the first few days it was clear it wasn’t just going to be a FWB situation. If it felt like more of a superficial FWB situation, then yeah I probably would have just thought it’s not worth the drama, even though I thought Kath was the one in the wrong.
Late February
Over the month of February, me and Emily keep hanging out and getting closer. Whilst I was keeping a very close eye on her for any sign of character flaws (it was still possible that Kath could be in the right, even though her side of it didn’t make much sense to me), the more I got to know her, the more it seemed my initial judgment of her was accurate. I saw how she acted with her other friends, they all seemed to really value and appreciate her. I saw her helping out her friend in need of a fairly large amount of money without a second thought, I saw her going to accompany her friend for a medical scan they had, and generally she was really nice and thoughtful with me. Not exactly the behavior of an inconsiderate person.
Sometime in late February, Emily messages me completely baffled. She couldn’t believe that Kath had invited over a girl from their social circle, Dianne. The reason why this is a bit scandalous is because Kath is always talking shit about Dianne behind her back. And it’s not just “she can be a bit annoying sometimes”, it’s an explicit sentiment of how much she dislikes her, how much of a bad person she is and how much she wants her removed from her life. And she does this frequently, I barely speak to Kath and even I’ve heard her rant about how much she doesn’t like Dianne. So, she’s constantly saying this kind of stuff behind her back, and here she is now inviting her round for tea acting all friendly. I just found that so two-faced and this inevitably shaped my perception of Kath being deceptive.
Not long after I heard about this, Kath was round our place over the weekend. Me, Tom and Kath were heading off to our friend’s housewarming party later that day, with me driving us. At one point when the three of us are all in the kitchen, Kath speaks to me properly for the first time since the party, basically to clear the air. She says she doesn’t want there to be any bad blood between us and that her problem wasn’t with me, it was with Emily. I just say that I was cool with her, I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with me or when coming over to our apartment, and that the situation between her and Emily was between them and not my business.
I wasn’t entirely convinced with her “clearing the air”, given that I had seen she apparently has no issue with being two-faced, but at the time I thought it was best to stay cool with her for the sake of me and Tom’s friendship and also I didn’t particularly fancy spending the rest of the day and a long car ride with awkward vibes.
End of February
At the end of February, Tom asks me how things are going with Emily and basically advises caution with her. He says that from what he’s seen she’s basically not a good person and she’s generally inconsiderate. I tell him I find that surprising from what I’ve seen of Emily, but I know it’s possible she could have just been putting on a front for the last month. I openly accept this, saying “I want to hear what you have to say, obviously you’re my friend and I respect your opinion”.
Essentially, he doesn’t bring up anything that I hadn’t already been told.
When I question Tom on why Kath thought she was a mind reader and assuming what my intentions were with Emily at the very start of this whole thing, Tom reveals he had since found out that the real reason Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me in the first place actually wasn’t really to do with me recently breaking up with my girlfriend/using Emily as a rebound (Tom said this was a minor part of the reason, more of an excuse to base it on). It was more that Kath already knew beforehand that she wanted to end her friendship with Emily and was essentially trying to prevent her still being part of her life (i.e. by getting close to her boyfriend’s friend/flatmate).
Now it all made sense why Kath tried to “ban” her from getting with me in the first place. I’m not sure if Tom thought telling me this would make me more sympathetic to Kath’s side of it, but if anything, this deceptive behavior was even more of a red flag to me. As far as everyone (except for Kath) was concerned, her and Emily were best friends. Kath had even said to Emily a couple of weeks before the party that “she was like a sister to her”.
Tom didn’t seem to have much issue with this, saying something along the lines of “yeah I know she shouldn’t have kept all this stuff bottled up, but she doesn’t like confrontation, it makes her really anxious”.
After learning this, I think any argument for Emily being in the wrong for disobeying Kath’s instructions at the party is automatically void: Imagine having the audacity to be like “yeah I know I tried to control you by framing it as me being a protective friend looking out for you, but actually it was really because I wanted to end my friendship with you anyway teehee 😊”. In my view that is just so manipulative. No wonder the reason given to Emily for not getting with me made no sense to her.
When I revealed this to Emily, she said that she had been suspecting that was the case anyway, but it still really hurt to hear it confirmed.
Form her perspective it was like: “So was Kath holding all these grudges all the times I was consoling her for whatever mental health issue she was having at any given time?” (I wonder if Tom was thinking what a bad person Emily was when it was him and Emily staying up till stupid o’clock trying to console Kath who was crying about job applications a few weeks before all this kicked off). There are many other examples of things she had done for Kath in both the recent and more distant past.
Kath also knew that Emily’s best friend had killed herself a few years prior, and after going through the loss of her best friend, Emily had always said she was super hesitant to call anyone her “best friend”. Kath knew about this and still let Emily believe they were best friends, whilst she clearly didn’t really mean it, which I think is quite cruel of her.
Despite what I had seen of Emily so far, I still took what Tom said into account, and continued to watch her carefully.
Mid March
Another couple of weeks pass and given that my last interaction with Kath was her clearing the air with me, I thought everything was now cool between us. I mention to Tom at the start of the week that I’m planning to stay at their apartment later that week and he says “okay cool”. However, later that same evening, he once again asks me not to go over to their apartment. Apparently when he told Kath that I was going over, she started having a panic attack at the thought of me going there.
At this point I’m really started to get frustrated at this situation and again I try to understand exactly what the problem is, because this entire time Kath and Tom have been coming and going to either apartment as they please, so Kath clearly doesn’t have a problem coming to my apartment while I’m there. Tom again says that he doesn’t fully understand it himself, and that Kath doesn’t want to feel this way either, but she’s in a really bad place at the moment and me being there with Emily is really triggering her anxiety.
This makes no sense to me or Emily, because we obviously wouldn’t do anything to make Kath uncomfortable, and from our perspective this is just enabling her dysfunctional way of dealing with this situation.
Even though I still don’t understand what the fuck me seeing Emily has got to do with Kath’s mental health, I’m obviously not going to barge my way into someone’s home when I’m not welcome. So once again, I do as I’m told and say I won’t go over. But I do tell Tom that this situation isn’t going to continue going on like this indefinitely, and to me it feels to me like I’m being walked all over, in the sense of “oh yeah no worries, you two carry on going to either apartment as you please, I’ll just sit here like a dickhead and follow my instructions, don’t worry about it 😊”. He does say sorry and that he knows it’s inconvenient for us, but it's an even bigger inconvenience for Kath.
It’s worth bearing in mind that at this point, I could have responded to this situation by saying that if I’m not welcome at her apartment, Kath is not welcome here (or equally Emily could say to Kath “you can’t bring Tom round”). Whilst yes, it’s a bit petty, I think this would be a completely justified response to prevent a situation where we are being walked all over. Because what would be the alternative? They just carry on doing as they please indefinitely whilst Emily is told she isn’t allowed to have equal use of her own apartment? Now obviously telling your friend that his girlfriend isn’t allowed to come over is really a last resort and would definitely put a big dent in our friendship, and generally I have no desire to control what anyone else does, so of course I didn’t respond in this way.
Despite my frustration at this entire situation, I do feel bad for Tom because I can see how uncomfortable he seems during these conversations with me, he obviously doesn’t want to give me these unreasonable instructions. I can only assume he’s just trying to do whatever he can to keep his girlfriend afloat and prevent her next meltdown. I’ve been there myself dealing with a girlfriend with mental health issues, so I don’t want to actively make things worse for my friend either. However, I’m also worried that it’s likely to get worse for him the more he feeds into it and gets sucked into it.
At this point, the cynical side of me couldn’t help but wonder if Kath was being a bit manipulative and leaning into all the mental health stuff to maintain control of the situation.
· She seemingly is unable to give a reason for exactly why me and Emily being in her apartment makes her so uncomfortable. To me, this was completely indistinguishable from her just hating the fact that we’re together.
· All this reminds me of exactly the same kind of manipulative behavior I saw with that ex-girlfriend.
· She’s shown she has no problem with being intentionally deceptive – maybe if the entire basis of this situation hadn’t started off with Kath being manipulative she would have a bit more credibility in my eyes.
I know this kind of behavior is often not even intentional, and that it can be subconscious where the person doesn’t even realise they’re being manipulative.
(Still Mid March)
Now we get to the part that pisses me off the most in this whole situation. Only a few days after that conversation with Tom, for some reason Kath comes to stay in our apartment for the weekend while Tom was away at a house party. As in, it’s just me and Kath in my apartment.
Personally, I couldn’t imagine having the nerve to say to someone they aren’t welcome in my home because their presence triggers me, and then only a mere few days later actively choosing to go stay the weekend at their place while it’s just us two in the apartment. Like either my presence triggers you or it doesn’t?
Now to be fair, Tom had asked me a week or two beforehand if Kath could come to our apartment to hang out with someone from our friend group while he was away, and I said that was cool. Anyway, those plans fell through, but Kath still came over by herself.
But the main thing that pissed me off about this is that Tom, after knowing that I was already feeling like I was being taken for a mug in this situation, apparently didn’t even think it was worth bothering to check with me if it was still cool with me that Kath came round, given our conversation a few days prior.
If he’d at least checked in like, “I know it’s a bit weird that she’s coming to stay round by herself after having just said that your presence triggers her anxiety”, I still would’ve said okay, because I have no desire to control what anyone does. But it was just the fact he didn’t seem to care, saying “btw Kath is gonna stay here tonight” moments before leaving to his party.
To me it felt like he had spent the last month or so basically giving me instructions to make sure everyone caters to his girlfriend’s feelings, and yet didn’t give the slightest consideration to how this would make me feel. Part of me was thinking does he even see me as a friend or just as an inconvenience to his relationship at this point?
I spoke to Tom in the week following this, expressing how I had felt about Kath staying round. He did apologise and acknowledged he could’ve checked in with me, but he didn’t really seem to understand why her coming over like that was such a kick in the teeth for me. He said Kath doesn’t have a problem with me, it’s only a very specific situation that triggers her (i.e. me and Emily being in her apartment together).
Again I try to understand exactly why it’s a problem. Ever since the party, Emily’s presence in their apartment has consisted of her quietly staying in her room, quickly cooking her food and going straight back to her room. She doesn’t spend 2 hours in the kitchen making food like Kath and Tom sometimes do when he’s there.
Tom again says he doesn’t fully understand it himself. From what he understands, it’s triggering because her home is her safe space and if we’re both there it’s like there’s two hostile presences in that safe space. He reiterated that she is in a very dark place at the moment, and that she’s been having frequent panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.
Tom then says that Kath would be prepared to leave the apartment if me and Emily wanted to meet there, and Kath would basically get out of the way and come to me and Tom’s apartment instead. This did give me a bit more confidence that Kath wasn’t just purposefully making things difficult.
If Kath genuinely meant this, then of course that’s really appreciated, but I’m obviously not going to make her leave her own home and come all the way to ours to then have a 2 hour commute to her work. It’s so over the top and needless. I think that this clearly isn’t a functional solution going forward. What if one day when we want to meet up, Kath has had a long day at work and doesn’t feel like leaving her apartment (obviously, fair enough!), what if she’s got plans with friends in her apartment that evening? In any case, it’s still a situation where rules are being imposed on us, I can never just spontaneously decide to go see Emily one day after work or something. We still can’t come and go freely in the same way they have been doing for the past two months. It would be much better to understand why exactly it’s such a problem and see how we’re going to find a long-term solution, instead of Kath just running away from it.
The cynical side of me was wondering if Kath was just saying this knowing that neither me or Emily are realistically going to make her leave her own home, and if we do agree to it, then she can say “oh look how inconsiderate they are, making me leave my own home just so that they can be in the apartment”, ensuring that she keeps Tom firmly on her side.
Logically, I would’ve thought as time goes on, Kath would eventually get used to the situation and just accept it. Conversely, is it not quite understandable that the longer we have rules imposed on us, the more frustrated we become?
Once again say that I won’t go over and tell him that I won’t press this issue for the time being.
Late April
So now we get to the latest development in the situation, which is the crux of this post.
For the next month or so after that conversation with Tom, me and Emily have just been following our instructions and not pressed anything, whilst they continue coming and going as they please. One weekend we’re talking about the whole ‘Kath situation’ and we say “okay we’ve left it for a while now, it’s probably time to see how we’re going to move forward with this”.
In that next week, Emily sends Kath the following message:
“Hey, I appreciate this message might be uncomfortable but we need to discuss the fact that Jake can’t come here while you’re at home because I know that him and Tom have spoken about this but we’ve never addressed it with each other and I think it’s unfair that they’ve been largely absorbing this conflict this whole time. Can you please tell me what the exact problem would be and how we could make it work? At the end of the day we both pay equal rent here and I should be allowed to bring someone over, especially considering that Tom comes here whenever you want. We’re nothing more than just 2 housemates now and if you were living with a stranger from Spareroom such restrictions couldn’t have existed. I think I’ve let it slide and should have addressed it earlier, but it’s time we come up with a fair solution and I’d like to know if there’s anything reasonable we can do. I don’t want to go into other conversations about our fallout cause that’s done and dusted now, I want to strictly address this issue. Would you like some notice before he comes? I can’t always guarantee how far in advance I can let you know but I will do my best to give you enough time.”
Kath’s response:
“hey, I do not really appreciate this conversation being brought up 2 days before my birthday and I wish we can settle it today and not drag it on. And I do not appreciate you using Tom as a weapon to guilt trip me either. Please let me know if he is coming over tonight so that I can go somewhere else. As u probably already know I am in a really bad place at the moment and being in the apartment with both of you makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. I’m already struggling to be there and I have been discussing with the agency about terminating the contract early, the terms have only been made clear to me today so I was going to message you about it. By paying a fee of £660 (£330 each) we can terminate the contract 12^th of June and I wish u will consider this. I will be gone from the apartment for 2 weeks. I would really appreciate it if you do not bring him over in the next few days as I said it will be my birthday and I will be gone for 2 weeks after if you decide to do so after this, please let me know at least 2 days in advance so that I can leave (pack clothes and everything), but do not take advantage of this as it is extremely difficult for me to commute to work – it takes me 2 hours on the bus”
Emily’s response to this:
“I don’t appreciate you using your birthday as a “weapon” to paint me as an inconsiderate person once again as you’re saying you were going to message me anyway about terminating the contract. You always have Tom round without any notice, without ever considering if it was ever uncomfortable for me given what’s happened - but now you expect me to organise our schedule around you? We can’t ever do something spontaneous or simply make plans the day before? Jake won’t be coming tonight or in the next few days until you’re away. I was hoping we could talk about why exactly this makes you uncomfortable and unsafe as it’s quite clear we wouldn’t interact with you or do anything to purposely upset/annoy you. You also had no problem being in his apartment with him without Tom there, so clearly his presence must not be that big of a problem. I am going to get back to you about terminating the contract as I have to figure out where I would go, but I’d love nothing more than to leave this apartment as early as possible too.”
There was no response after Emily’s second message.
Tom comes back to our apartment the next day and ignores me all day until the evening when he asks “Did you know that Emily was going to send those messages?”.
I say “Yes, obviously?”. He responds with “Right, okay” and starts walking back towards his room.
I ask him what was wrong with the messages, and he comes back and says “what the fuck is Emily doing sending messages like that to my suicidal girlfriend?”. He essentially thought the tone of the messages, the proximity to Kath’s birthday and the fact that we’re once again bringing up this issue of me coming round was out of order. He also said that Emily’s 2^nd message was implying that she was just going to bring me round without any notice anyway (looking at the message, no it wasn’t? It was just highlighting the unfairness of Kath expecting us to organise our schedule around her? None of the messages say that I’m going to come over, they are essentially just trying to understand exactly why it makes Kath uncomfortable).
We also did note that it was Kath’s birthday on the Friday (messages were sent on Tuesday). Maybe that wasn’t ideal, but we thought what real difference does it make? This is nothing new, it’s the same situation that’s been ongoing for the last 3 months anyway (and personally, I thought that up until the moment Kath says “okay sorry, I shouldn’t have imposed rules on you” then she shouldn’t expect that this won’t be brought up to her?).
I was a bit shocked at how angry he was and explained that we’re just trying to understand exactly what her issue is, because it still doesn’t make any sense to us. I bring up the general point about Kath imposing rules on people and expects everyone to cater to her feelings, whilst zero consideration has been given to how Emily has felt over the last 3 months, when not only does it make her uncomfortable as well that there are two “hostile presences” in her home, but especially given that those hostile presences have told her she’s not allowed to have equal use of her apartment she also pays rent for.
Tom responds with “but it’s not making Emily feel suicidal is it? Kath was having convulsions on the fucking bed last night after those messages. Why do you keep focusing on this tiny issue of coming to the apartment when my girlfriend is literally suicidal? She’s already said she’d make arrangements to leave the apartment for when you want to come over, and yet you keep pressing the issue and triggering her further”.
In that moment I was a bit taken aback and didn’t have much of a response. I kind of just sat and processed that for a few minutes, thinking “fuck, have I actually been in the wrong this whole time?”. Tom looked exhausted and stressed out, he must have been dealing with Kath’s meltdown the whole of the night before.
I say to Tom “tell Kath not to worry about me coming over while she’s there, I’m not going to, I’ll just leave it for good and won’t press this issue anymore”. Tom doesn’t give much of a response, but I think he says “I appreciate it”. He leaves for his two-week holiday shortly after.
I felt really bad that evening, thinking I had caused Tom to have to deal with whatever horrible meltdown because of me pressing this issue. Maybe I had been overly cynical of Kath, and she genuinely was just trying her best and not meaning to be manipulative.
When Tom got back from his holiday, he basically confirmed our friendship is over because I had known about those messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
I’ve thought about the situation a lot since he left for his holiday:
· Looking back at the messages Emily sent, I think the tone is completely fine? Every single person I’ve shown the messages to has said they are actually quite kind and empathetic, and way nicer than they need to be given Kath’s behavior over the last 3 months.
· Tom’s reaction was essentially “how dare Emily have the audacity to ask for a reason why she hasn’t been allowed to have equal use of her own apartment for the last 3 months!”
· It’s true that Tom had mentioned that Kath had been having some suicidal thoughts a month prior, but I didn’t know that this would directly impact that, especially since I thought the message was quite nice and sensitive. Just the weekend before this Tom and Kath were out clubbing, having fun and they were going on holiday later that week. So obviously I didn’t realise she was still feeling so bad. How could anyone expect that simply asking the question of “why does this make you so uncomfortable” would result in this reaction.
· As soon as I did realise how intensely Kath had reacted, and what Tom had had to deal with as a result, I backed off straight away, saying that she doesn’t have to worry, I’m not going to press it anymore.
· Realistically, if this is how Kath reacts to being asked for basic fairness, then I think really she needs to be in a mental health crisis center or hospital, not just carrying on with everyday life as if everything is fine, and certainly not in a situation where she’s imposing rules on people.
· At the end of the day, Kath’s mental health is not my responsibility, nor is it Tom’s responsibility. I think it’s unfair of Kath to have made it his problem to such a large degree.
Logically, I don’t think I’m in the wrong, and yet Tom’s reaction to this makes me feel like I’m going crazy. That’s why I wrote out everything’s that’s happened from start to finish to “audit” myself and evaluate each of my actions throughout the entire situation.
I’ve looked back and don’t think I’m in the wrong for anything I’ve done. The only explanation I can think of is that Tom has been so deep in all of Kath’s mental health stuff 24/7 that he’s just not thinking clearly about this situation.

My boyfriend and I have been dating and living together for six years! We've been good friends since middle school! (If you're into zodiacs, I'm a march Aries and he's a January Aquarius) I feel like everything was going great until I stopped working to go to cosmetology school. Going into cosmo school I knew this was going to be a slow process to start making my own money so I had a plan on at least working overnights or part-time and then going to school full-time, luckily my boyfriend offered to give me a $500 allowance every two weeks and told me just to focus on school and he'll help me financially.For context we live with my parents and siblings, he really doesn't pay bills here unless my parents asks him to help with electricity but other than that, all he has is his phone bill and car insurance,No chores or anything as well. NGL I have a bad spending habit, l was used to buying everything myself (Hair, nails and makeup I bought that all myself) so $500 went away pretty fast nothing too bad but my account would go in the negatives, maybe like -$10 at the most but I would ask him if he could just send me at least $12 so my account will not be in the negatives(and avoid overdraft fees) , this was turned into a big deal with him. He stop talking to me for about 2 1/2 weeks(this happened about three times.) His way of ignoring me was getting home from work and he would just stay in his car until 1 am(off of work at 10:30pm and was home by 10:45pm) when he would come inside he would sit in the living room in the dark and anytime l'd walk by He would turn his phone off, so I wouldn't see him . I was the one who had to ask him what was wrong and his reason for ignoring me. His reason was because I was stressing him out cause my account went into the negatives, it really pissed me off since we live together at my parents house and just felt childish of him ignoring me.After I had a "talk" with him (really it was just me asking him what's wrong and if he's OK, kind of felt like I was babying him) he got over it the next day, but the third time he ignored me I told Him that "This is very childish of you and why do you not want to talk things out? If you do this one more time l'm done" he hasn't done it since.
Another point is our sex life is gone. Again, I live with my parents and three siblings so it's a little hard to get intimate, especially in a Mexican household, someone is always home, but when we do have alone time he would rather play Fortnite, sleep all day or work on his car. I feel like I'm also to blame since I did let myself go so that could be another reason why we're not intimate. what I also mean by intimate is him not even wanting to hang out with me on his days off. He's heavily into Godzilla, anime,cars and video games, so of course, anytime he wanted to do some thing or go to an event that he's interested in and I'm not, l would still go because I wanted to be with him and have a good time but when it comes to things that I want to do he acts like it's the worst thing ever, also feels forced. So majority of the time l'm going to the movies or going to a restaurant I'm just doing it by myself because he doesn't want to go. I've also been home alone more lately in order for me to save money. I just stopped getting my hair and nails done and I just stopped going out in general. Unfortunately I did pick up a smoking habit Since all I do is watch him play Fortnite or his other interests, I decided I'll at least make it fun and get high while watching. He says that he doesn't mind me smoking, but there are times where he acts like he's better than me because he smoked when he was younger and not now as an adult. He's also been working a lot lately, He works at a warehouse so 10 hour shifts four days straight and he has three days off, but he's been working six days out of the week now and only has Saturdays off, but on his days off, he sleeps all day and then stays up all night playing video games. I try not to get mad at him because I understand he's tired, but if he has plans with his friends he is up early in the morning and is with them all day and I do get a little jealous of it. At this point, I really feel we're both using each other. He gives me an allowance and he lives in a house rent free. I still love him, but I just feel nothing back. He says he still loves me and I quote " well I still give you money and fix your car so that should mean something right?!" I don't need a pity party. I just need other peoples opinions. This is only a very small portion of my relationship that I am posting here, but from what l have written on here (can provide more stories/info if needed) I just need to know your thoughts and what would you do in my situation.

Me (24F) and my boyfriend (28M) met 17 months ago on a dating app. At the time we were both in different countries and had set our location to a place we were both planning to visit. He asked me on a date for new years eve and even bought an event ticket for that night when we were both supposed to be there . Unfortunately a few days before my flight I got sick and never got to visit that country or see him there. I was expecting us to stop talking and I was talking/dating afew other people since I thought him and I would never meet in real life but to my surprise we started talking every single day and he was the sweetest guy I had ever met . We got to know each other pretty good to the point that he kept asking me to move to his country. After around 4 months of talking online he told me he’s getting a ticket and coming to see me for a week . And that’s when we had our first phone call , over that phone call he said he needs to tell me something because it might be a red flag for me and he just wants to be honest about it , he said he has dated a stripper before me (around 2 years before me) but they were never official and it was something casual just because he was lonely and she was pushy. To be honest I didn’t like hearing that but I was still okay with it. Fast forward to our first week together, we went on date every single day , we went to really nice restaurants and bars and he was putting in so much effort into our dates, we eventually spent the weekend together and that’s when he gave me a gift along with a letter telling me how much he loves me and then we were intimate for the first time and spent the entire weekend in his hotel room .
He went back to his country for work and came back to see me after 5 weeks and we had another amazing week together and that’s when I told him that I love him too so we got alot closer and talked about our past, about how he used to be a party boy and into drugs but he’s changed now and people we have dated and exes , and in a funny conversation the topic of body count came up and I told him mine is 3 and he said he has been with 6 people in total which was shockingly good in my opinion. He also told me that the last time he slept with someone was a year before me because he’s not into one night stands or casual sex because he is emotional and can’t just have that with anyone and that was very respectable and admirable in my opinion and made me fall in love even more . I was honest with and told him the last time I had slept with someone was a month or two into us talking but there was no emotion connection with that person, he was upset but he said he understood that we weren’t that serious back then .
He came back for the 3rd time after 2 weeks and that’s when we got an Airbnb and spent the whole week together cooking and talking like a married couple in love , on the same week we ran into a girl in our airbnb building and she was so happy to see my bf , she jumped to hug him and gave him a kiss on the cheek but my bf seemed kinda uncomfortable. After the interaction I was curious to know how does he know someone in my country so I asked him who she was and he said she is his high school classmate that lives in the same city as him now and she just got married so it must be a coincidence that she’s visiting too.
He was back to see me for another week after 2 weeks and at that point we both knew we are offical and that neither of us has even talked to anyone else for the past 4-5 months but we still didn’t put a label on it because I was so afraid of doing long distance and the fact that I was going to move to a country even further away from him in a month. On that week we went and got an STD test together and I even got an IUD so we don’t have to worry about using protection anymore. He knew that I had this unreasonable fear of contracting HIV and this was him being supportive and calming my nerves.
Afew weeks later I moved to a different country around 17000 miles away and when I was looking for a place there we decided to lease an apartment together and furnish our home together because he was planning on moving there to live with me . He came to visit me for a month and we had more amazing days together and became officially girlfriend and boyfriend .he was the sweetest most loving and understanding guy ever.
We did 3 month of long distance and I missed him so bad that I decided to leave everything behind and sell my stuff to go travel with him for 3 months and also go and visit his family and his hometown , it was hard but we made it work and we were both on cloud 9 for the first 2 weeks together. And after meeting his family things were even more serious , they all loved me and keep asking him when he’s going to propose and end the long distance and I even got invited to his brother’s wedding.
One night my trust issues got the best of me and decided to check his phone ( I know it’s bad) I didn’t see anything too bad as his chats were mostly deleted but I came across a chat with that high-school classmate I mentioned earlier and I found out that they had been on a few dates and that he had sent her the same sweet questions as he sent to me word for word. I also saw that they spent the night together and he had a hickey on his neck from her . I also saw that before meeting me he was sliding into girls dms calling them hot and being sexual and I was sooo shocked just because the image he showed me of himself was so so different. I gave him a chance to come clean in the morning but he kept on lying to my face till I showed him the chats , even then he denied ever sleeping with her . I was so hurt that so early in our relationship he could lie to my face for no reason .
I was upset so I left our villa to stay at a hotel, he kept texting and calling and begging me to give him another chance and go to dinner with him and I did, he was so apologetic he was so upset and he kept saying all he wants is to go back and never lie to me so I asked him to come clean about anything else he has lied about . I went over everything with him and asked if they were lies too? he said no . I decided to stay and give us another chance .
Just 3 days after that night I asked him if I can delete his exes number that is a stripper off his phone in front of him he said yes and when I went to delete it I saw their messages , it wasn’t from 2 years before me ! The last message was 15 days before meeting me and turns out she was actually his friend’s girlfriend and they were secretly seeing each other… I was so heartbroken I couldn’t believe he is a person like that and that he has lied to my face again! He used to always say he hates cheater and that he has been cheated on before so he would never do anything like that but in the chats they were making fun of that girl’s bf which was his friend.
He started apologising again and told me there is more, there is someone else he has slept with shortly before me and that whole not sleeping with anyone for a year and no one nights stands was lie to make me fall in love with him . I forgave him again and decided to help him not feel ashamed about his past .
4 days later I asked him to send me our STD test results from months ago to me again because I lost it and my doctor wanted see it he started looking at his emails and said he can’t find it so I offered to help him look and I found it in his trash folder, but again I wanted to give him a chance so I asked if he has deleted it? He said no ! Turns out he was tested positive for a very minor and not dangerous STD and because he felt ashamed he edited the results when he sent it to months earlier. And deleted it afew days prior. His excuse was that I’m very anxious and fearful about STDs so he didn’t want to worry me because the doctor said it doesn’t need a treatment , And again I was convinced .
A few weeks passed and we were arguing a-lot because of trust issues but we were trying to get help and work on the relationship, he even confessed that there were more small lies he has told me , like saying some of the girls he was following were his friends or friends of friends when in fact they were girls he had met on tinder before meeting me . I struggled to understand why he would lie to me about stuff like this when I had never showed to be a jealous or not understanding GF .
A few weeks later we were doing better and travelling different countries together and I thought we’re done with lies so one night I was overthinking and asked him about a blocked number I saw on his phone that first time I looked through it , I asked who’s number that was because It had the country code of the country I lived in when we first started dating. He reassured me that it’s probably a scam number and that I was overthinking but I wasn’t convinced so I put it into google and it brought up so many escort websites from that country. For a whole week I begged and cried for him to tell me the truth to tell me I’m not crazy and what I’m seeing is right but he denied it every time for a whole week and even cried because I couldn’t believe him till one morning when I promised him I won’t leave if he just tells me , he confessed that on that first week after or first or second date when he went back to his hotel room he looked at escort sites and texted them but kept swearing that he never saw one and to him it just like watching porn . Once again I was in disbelief because he used to always say people that pay for sex are evil and are using girls that might have been trafficked for sex , I was also heartbroken and disgusted that he could do that in my city , somewhere that was my home and he was supposed to be there just for me and the fact that I’d have been on the same bed we had sex for the first time and the same room he told me he loved me in only 2 days later …
He blamed it all on porn and his porn addiction, I was shocked because I never had a problem with him watching porn I had even asked him if he wants to watch it together but he always seemed not that interested. He said that he has had trust issues and the reason why he went on an escort site in the first place was to make sure I wasn’t one … Honestly I didn’t know what to do with that informations ! How could he even possibly think that but it doesn’t bother me what bothers me is thinking that he got on 5 hour flight and took me on all those nice dates thinking I might be an escort?? And when he realised I wasn’t he looked for a real one ? Like he was disappointed that I wasn’t an escort? After 5-6 months of talking to me all day and night . I couldn’t not understand and will never understand .
Because of my promise I stayed and went to therapy ever since then he keeps saying I know all of his dark side and secrets and there is nothing else he would lie to me about. He’s been super apologetic and putting up with my anxiety and hearing out my hurt and looking for ways to fix our relationship and trust.
Our trip ended and we are doing long distance again and I told him I won’t be like before because it takes time to rebuild trust he understood and said it’s fair for me to look for things or have doubts . The other night i was looking at his email to make sure there are no more escort or things like that and I saw an email from a almost a year before me , it was from a flowegift shop that he has bought me flowers from which was very meaningful to me .
I saw that he had sent the same flower to that stripper girl that he claimed he was never in a relationship with only difference is hers was way more expensive and it had a note saying she is his world and there was another flower order worth 500$ sent to the same girl and the note was he is sorry for not keeping his promises and that he is in love with her more than he could have ever imagined.word for word of how he has apologised to me.
He has been telling me for over a year now that he never told that girl he loved her without me ever asking him . So I asked him if he has ever bought her flowers? But I also sent him a text saying he doesn’t owe me anything from his past and he shouldn’t worry about hurting my feelings and just tell me truth because I love him . He said no . Afew hours later he said he remembered that it was one time and it was from the same shop but what he got me was better and once again without me even asking he said no but I never loved her and never told her I lover her . I gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked if there is a chance he doesn’t remember ? Maybe because it was over text ? He said no there is no way he wouldn’t remember saying something like that .
I sent him the email and all he had to say was that he wasn’t lying he just didn’t remember… And he kept saying but that’s all , I never got her anything else (like that’s the point) but I also saw another email in his trash folder and it was another gift order to the same girl and he deleted that email the same day so there is no way he wouldn’t remember those gifts …
I’m so done and over the lies but I’m starting to blame myself for asking things for caring about the past , my mind keep telling me at least he didn’t cheat on you . But then I remember he lied to me about things I never even asked for cared about. I remember that he might have been interested in me because he thought I might be an escort not because of who I am .
He has been the kindest and nicest person to me and has done everything to make sure I’m okay during our relationship . Am I doing something wrong? What to do ? I’m so confused

(LOL long post and more verbal barfing than a rant but I need to put it somewhere.)
What a week lol. I finally got my consult scheduled with a doc from the list. The only time they had available for me was Monday at 8am so I got my happy ass up at 5:30am to make the drive. Rural living amirite? Drive wasn't so bad and I actually got there 20 minutes early, which was nice because I was so lost in that huge hospital. Thankfully a very nice receptionist walked me to the correct area. It felt very weird sitting in a waiting room full of mom and baby stuff whilst hoping to be sterilized. The nurse that came in to get my vitals and medical history was very friendly and didn't judge at all when I told her what I was there for. The doctor was also very funny and nice. Absolutely zero pushback when I said I'd like to be surgically sterilized. She explained every possible form of birth control, and went into depth about the ones I'd be interested in (IUD and surgery). Gave me informative pamphlets for both. She said when she was my age she felt the same way but changed her mind as she got older. I didn't deny the fact that could happen to me as well, but my opinion also isn't something likely to change with this. She said okay, cool, then the only issue is your insurance won't cover this kind of surgery till you're 21. I said that was fine because it gives me time to really think about it and make sure it's what I want. Conveniently they're booked out for surgeries until November, my 21st birthday is in September. All I have to do is call and set it up with her nurse. Sweet. I've been thinking about it nonstop since then.
Yesterday I had to make another long drive, 5 hours one way, with my mom to get her dream car in a different state. Mom and I were talking about life and stuff. She's in an online book club and they were taking turns writing a story, like one person writes a paragraph then the next person writes one and so on. Someone from the group messaged her and asked if she'd ever written before. She dabbled in it when she was young but never sent anything in. He asked if she'd like to try it again and send it to his publishing firm. She looked absolutely thrilled while she was telling me this and I could tell it really boosted her confidence to have her creative work get taken seriously.
It made me think. Would mom have already bought her dream car and been a published author if so much of her time didn't go to us kids? She worked through all three pregnancies. She decided to stay home after my little brother and take care of us while dad made money. She started working again the moment they wanted a divorce and she hasn't stopped since. She paid for everything since my dad turned out to be pretty unreliable. She did all this for us. I tried thinking of myself in that situation and I just couldn't see it. Maybe it's because she wanted to be a mom and I don't. She doesn't regret us. But if I were in her shoes, I would. I would mourn the life I couldn't start until my kids grew up. Now I'm watching her finally go and do what she wants with life and I've never been more proud and happy for her. I just wish it could've happened sooner. She deserved to have it happen sooner.
Idk. I'm getting all emotional thinking about it. I should probably schedule that surgery. I love my mom. I hope we both get the lives we want.

My (I/ENFP) boyfriend (INTP/J) and I broke up after five long years of a long-distance relationship. Some people think it's impossible to fall in love with someone you've never seen in person, but that wasn't the case for me. My INTP and I met online. I got an SMS from an unknown number that said, "Dear stranger, do you believe in second chances?" I was very intrigued at the moment and thought it was someone from my past who wanted to reconnect. Later on, I found out that he was indeed a stranger. I don't usually entertain messages from strangers, but there was something about him that made me want to keep replying. He sounded really depressed, like he was about to end his life. The Mother Teresa in me felt like I needed to save him.
So we talked and talked, but I was still mean to him because, you know, he was technically still a stranger. But we'd talk about all our problems, things we couldn't talk about with our family and friends, our deepest darkest secrets, etc. In my head, he didn't know me anyway. He prolly thought the same. We found comfort in each other.
After months of talking, we fell hard for each other. Really hard (at least for me). He was the best thing that ever happened to me. Yes, he was mostly very grumpy, but I found it cute! He was also the sweetest guy I’d ever met. He always wrote me love letters or dedicated songs to me. He was really vague, though! If there were things he couldn’t say directly to me, he’d find another way to send the message. As an ENFP, I am a very literal person, and unless you say it in exact words, even if I sense it already, I won't assume. It felt like I always needed to decode or solve a puzzle with him. I liked it, but not when dealing with serious issues. Still, he was the love of my life. But life gets in the way... We had the most beautiful, tragic love affair.
Anyway!!!
My INTP ex-boyfriend was a very private person. He didn’t have any social media (which I couldn't comprehend at first) and we only communicated through Skype or Telegram. I feel like I’ve never met an INTP in person or just couldn't spot one.
Where do INTPs hang out when they are not at home? I’m really curious. I think INTPs are awesome and I’d like to have more INTPs in my life.

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I just remembered one of the most embarrassing times of my life that if I could go back in time, I would stop myself.
I was used to be bullied in my primary school for the whole 6 years I have spent there. I still am processing most of those years and putting my self esteem back together. But this one incident just comes back from time to time to haunt me.
I was like 10 or 11 years old, you know the age when kids starts to have little crushes. That first crush, yeah. I was known to be the "fat" girl in school. (Later realised I was chubby and thick boned but still got bullied)
I had this crush at a boy one year below my grade, he was actually awful to me, and we went to tennis lessons after classes in the same group. But for some strange and stupid reason I was gooshing over this guy, and Valentines day was approaching in school.
This was actually one of the first ever occasion that the whole school took it seriously by introducing the Secret Crush letter service.
The point is, you had to write a love poem by yourself, put it in an envelope and with name and Grade given on the front, put it in a box.
I don't know why I did it, I was stupid and should have known that I shouldn't have done it as its just causing me problems in the long run.
One of my classmates who was bullying me here and there asked who did I write the letter for as she noticed me putting a letter into the box. I was reluctant to answer and here is where I made my mistake.
She pressured me saying "she won't tell..." Kids will be kids, so innocent. I told her, who it was and in 10 minutes the whole school knew.
The boy I had a crush on came to the classroom, had such a disgusted face saying he doesn't want a poem from me, and that I am gross. My classmates made jokes about it the whole day, and he was joining in the mockery, even laughing his arse off.
Needless to say my crush faded instantly and exchanged with hatred. The next day when he received the letter,, he didn't came to the classroom, not even after, people kept mocking me the entire month but then found something else to mock me about and forgot about it.
My past is a big part of who I became now sadly, but I can say I made progress on my life for the better. I am soon to be married (not to the guy who I wrote the poem to) to the love of my life and I can't wait to see what my future holds. I think if I was much stronger back then, I would have been able to stand up to my bullies, but I don't blame anyone anymore. Kids will be kids, some grew out of their manners, and some won't.
Thank you for reading this post, if you had similar encounters, I send you a big hug and my condolences. Keep your chins up babies!
Btw my wedding is on 11th of July this year! Wish me good luck! ❤️❤️❤️

Alright so let me get down to it, I am 14 he is 15 and I have liked him since early March but have never spoken to him at this point only once in our design technology class we used to have together. Over the easter break he added me on snapchat and instagram and we have been talking everyday without fail non stop, over the easter break i was in japan with family so there was a time difference but we adjusted to it for the 2 weeks i was there. He'd ask me to send him daily vlogs of everything i'd do there and just to spam him so when he wakes up he has something to wake up to pretty much. Within the first day of us talking he had already started making silly jokes, my friend had said something funny so i put it on my instagram story and he replied to my text saying "oh just go text __" with a rolling eyes emoji as a joke. We had also talked about birthdays and I mentioned how his is in my calendar and notes and he said he knows mine too and called me cute when i said i have it in my notes. We have a mutual friend who had hinted to him to start talking to me and be my friend because i was too shy to and this friend had asked him within 3 days of me and him being friends if he likes me, he asked "does she like me (implying me) or does she like like me because i wouldnt mind either" he said he wasnt sure if he liked me or not because it was too early. Our mutual friend would tell me he would always say "oh we are young and theres no point of dating at this age" since he had one girlfriend previously and he is over it but is just tired of getting played with pretty much. Fast forward me and him and our friend made plans to go out together in London but she couldn't make it so it was just me and him, nothing was awkward when we met up we hugged and got on with it. He held doors open for ,e offered to pay for my stuff, offered me his food because I hardly bought anything (I don't enjoy KFC that much but he wanted to go so we did), we went to an art gallery together, he suggested we go on London eye together and if you don't know what that is it's pretty much a big ferris wheel. We were at a bus stop together this same day and we were talking about our favourite games pretty much getting to know eachother face to face and we held eye contact through the whole thing and we were both smiling. When we were going home on the train he asked me to sit opposite him which I was confused why and he wouldn't tell me why but I'm assuming it was to look at me because he didn't have a problem with sitting next to me at all. We were out until sunset pretty much 8 hours and we hugged when we went home and oh my god his fragrance was SO strong but smelt SO good and it stayed on me even when I was home. Anyway skipping forward to when we were back to school, I made him a gift basket with stuff from Japan and I gave it to him and he hugged me infront of all his friends and sent me videos of him opening everything and he was super happy with it. I told him the night before I was so so scared to give him it because what if he didn't like it and he told me he'd love it no matter what, i also mentioned how i tried my best with it and he said cute. We have matching bracelets which I suggested and he was fine with me getting them from japan for us, we have been wearing them everyday pretty much and everyone at school thinks we are dating. Now, the bracelets I bought from japan he complained it was quite tight on his wrist so I ordered us new ones, they are spiderman themed ones gwen and miles with a half heart magnet on each so when you put them together it makes a full heart. I gave it to him around 3 weeks ago and he was so happy with it, he walked past me and i said he looks zesty as a joke and he laughed and told me to shut up but said thank you once again. We play games together all the time and our main thing is roblox horror games we both adore them and it's so fun playing them with him and pretty much everyone teases us at school about eachother. Anyway, 2 weeks ago I got a dm from a girl at my school asking for my snap as she wanted to tell me something, in summary she accused him of taking his bracelet off around his friends and saying he was talking to other girls to cover up the fact he was talking to me pretty much embarrassed of me. I sobbed my eyes out and texted him asking to talk, he said sure and I expected him to text me but he ended up calling me, I talked to him about all this and he was shocked and proved it all false, at this point we had been wearing our 2nd pair of bracelets since he complained about the other but 1 day he forgot it at his dads house so we didn't have it that day. He said to prove to me he never takes it off he's going to wear the bracelet that is tight on his wrist and I thought it was so so sweet, we were on facetime for so long and his mum ended up inviting me over to their house and i of course went. Later that night I texted him saying i'm getting mixed signals off him and I kinda played it off as "oh we are friends and im scared u like me" so he said no he doesnt but i wanna think its because of the way i worded it, moving on i met up with him last period and our other friend pretended to drop me off and he said "heres your girlfriend __" and he said "ah thanks __" basically not flinching to me being called his girlfriend, we walked together and at this point i am also friends with his sister. We were walking and we went to his room, he let me do his makeup and he downloaded my favourite game (Final Fantasy 7) to play since I was there and we played a bit together, we played some minecraft too and it was hillarious and a roblox single player horror. I know it sounds childish but i really love these things, we ate dinner in his room and I also noticed he had a shelf dedicated to the gift basket i made him, literally nothing on that shelf but the stuff i bought him which was so cute. He also has a shelf dedicated to fragrances and he got me to pick my favourite and coincidentally was the one he wore when we went out together and i told him how it stayed on me all day and he said "good that means its good". Then I had to go home, I was at his home pretty much for 3 hours and I had to go since he had rugby, anyway when I was leaving I gave him a hug and I felt silly so i tightened it slightly and I felt him do it back which made me really happy, I said bye and walked down the stairs and I could hear it took a while for him to close the door which made me think he watched me walk downstairs and my theory was proven right when he texted me after saying how nice my mums car is. I texted him after thank you so much for having me over and he said i need to come over again and we said he could come around mine next time. Later that day I posted some pics I took on my story which he was fine with as he viewed them and didn't say anything. The next day he texted me during last period asking if i could take some specific ones down as his entire class was pretty much teasing him and he got tired of it, he usually doesn't care what others think about us and has literally told me that before himself but I completely understood as it was pretty much his whole class so of course I did and he said he didn't want people to think we're dating, I apologized profusely and things were back to normal, the day after I get a text from my friend and she asked if he was texting me during last period the day prior and i said yes how did u know and she said he had a baby smile on his face which made me happy. Anyway, since then it has just been pretty much mixed signals he said we should go ice skating together because i mentioned i never have and we are also planning to go painting in the park together next week. Earlier this week I think Tuesday? I curled my hair and i sent him a snap of it as we were planning to play together and he replied to it saying "Woah" and i asked what do u mean woah as i didnt know what snap he was replying to, we got on a ps party and i kept pestering him to tell me why he said that and he was making excuses saying he replied to my story but it showed up as snap and basically just getting nervous and bothered until he finally said "your hair looked very nice" he also complimented my necklace last week and i have only been wearing that and whenever he sees it he comments on it which makes me smile. On the Tuesday he also remembered what times I had my tutor so we planed when we could play which i thought was really sweet too. On Monday I sent him a lot of videos of me yapping and i said sorry for the spam at the end and he said "wdym sorry for the spam yap all u want" so then Wednesday or Tuesday I can't remember which, I literally sent him over an hours worth of videos I'm NOT exaggerating and it was of me literally just talking and he watched every single one and replied to them too and even saved some in our chats, he has tendencies to save random pics and vids of me in our chat. Today he was meant to do district sports for our school so he didn't wear his bracelet as he didn't want to break it but then last minute they said he couldn't go and i went to his form / homeroom and checked up on him and he genuinely looked upset which almost made me cry and i wanted to hug him so bad but everyone was there and i didnt know if he'd be okay with it so throughout today i've literally been sending him videos and texts to make sure he's okay now i'm just waiting on a reply. his replies are SHIT literally all his friends and his ex say this too so its not just a me thing. also is it a good sign if he introduced me to all his friends? over the weekend i was in a ps party with him and 3 others for like 2 days! He's generally a really friendly person nobody dislikes but I also think he likes me and literally everyone i tell about this says he does! I don't know tho because i really really really like this guy hes the first guy ive ever actually liked so i dont know what to do now :( Does he like me?!
EDIT: I also forgot to mention we hung out together at school on monday and he was fine with me grabbing his wrists and dragging him around :D ! We also walked past eachother yesterday and he was smiling really hard when he saw me and went "eww" as a joke because we do that to eachother and i just went "eww shut up" back while giggling

I’m aware that this is unconventional. Believe me, I’ve tried conventional – it didn’t end well for anyone. I require a certain open mindedness that I’m hoping I might find here, but more importantly, I need my future husband to know the rules. Meet-cutes are well and good on the screen, but they don’t guarantee a partner’s ability to follow basic instructions. That was my mistake the first time.
So, begging your pardon for my bluntness, I’m going to be clear about my requirements. Please read carefully – if you can’t meet them, there’s no point in going any further.

• Must want children. At least one child, anyway. I’m open to the idea of more, but one is an absolute must.
• Must be in it for the long haul. Until our child turns eighteen, to be precise. I understand that level of commitment is a daunting prospect, particularly when we have not yet met. After our child is born, you are welcome to ignore me, if you please, or take your pleasure elsewhere – though I will warn you that it might be difficult to come by. But you will live under my roof until our child is an adult.
• Homebody preferred. It will make the next two decades easier on you.
• Must have impeccable manners. I will provide a manual outlining the required etiquette, but you must at least have a grasp of basic courtesy to begin with. If you let your tongue run away with you, or don’t bother to wish your neighbours a good morning when you pass them in the street, stop reading – this is not the opportunity for you. Seriously.

This is the part where I should talk about myself, but let’s face it, this is hardly a romantic proposal. I require commitment up-front and there’s no guarantee that, once we do meet, we’ll really even like each other. If we do? Fantastic! It’ll help the years fly by. If we don’t, you’ll still have the main prize – years of rent-free, expenses-free living at The Old Oak Hotel.
A sanctuary has stood in this spot in one form or another since before the ley lines. During its tenure, it has been flooded, put to the flame, and pounded into dust. Time and again, it has been reimagined and rebuilt. Most of the current building dates back to Victoria’s reign, though the oldest parts were constructed in the 13^th century. At the very bottom of the garden, cut into the surrounding hills, there is a cave bearing handprints of red ochre.
There has always been an Edwards at the hotel, though of course we haven’t always gone by that name. You would think a family so tied to one place would do a better job of keeping records, but no one is certain of our origins. Perhaps it was a cosmic bargain, or perhaps mere luck – whether good or bad, I have never been able to decide. Either way, our presence is required. Throughout our spotty past, there’s a story here and there of an Edwards deserting their post, and it always coincides with a particularly brutal period of history.
I inherited the position five years ago. At midnight on my eighteenth birthday, my parents took their already-packed suitcases and left. I don’t blame them for their abandonment; I intend to one day do the same thing to my – or, hopefully, our – child.
They send me postcards and photos from time-to-time, always smiling on sunny beaches. Money isn’t a concern for them. That’s part of whatever mysterious deal our ancestors made – when a caretaker leaves in good-standing, they will never want for anything again. They could travel the world for the rest of their lives, always sleeping in the softest sheets and dining in the finest restaurants, and never find their pockets empty.
Keep this point in mind, for if you can meet my requirements, you will share my good fortune.
And what must we do in return? I can all but hear you scream the question. Why, very little. The presence of an Edwards ensures that the guests can’t stray from the hotel grounds. Most of our guests are live-in residents, though we do get the occasional walk-in. Where they come from, I don’t know, for we are not visible to most people who stumble upon our lonely corner of the world. I’ve come to believe the hotel chooses to reveal itself when its lacking entertainment, or to fill a need.
Jimmy, my first husband, was one such guest.
For the most part, the guests are harmless. They’ll give you a little fright from time-to-time, popping out from a wall or turning your bathwater into blood, but I find it hard to hold it against them. I’ve found twenty-three years here dreary; I can’t imagine how bored I would be after five hundred.
There are a few exceptions you should be aware of:

• Eric. Our resident serial murderer. He claims to have been Jack the Ripper while he still drew breath, but I think he’s just a blowhard. He knows better than to harm an Edwards, but I’m afraid spouses are fair game. Years ago, my grandmother managed to confine him to the fourth floor, so you will be perfectly safe from him as long as you never set foot there. Occasionally, the lift will stop on that floor even though you haven’t pressed the button for it. Do not get out. Even if the lift appears to be on fire or starts filling with murky water. Wait for the doors to close again, then go to another floor. It should only take a few hours.
• The Thing in the Cellar. I don’t know what It is; no one ever has. We only know It eats rats and must be fed once a day. If I’m ever ill or incapacitated, this task will fall to you. Harvest the rats from the traps in the garden, then stand at the cellar door and throw them down the stairs. Do not walk down the stairs and do not forget to feed It. You don’t want to be the first person to see Its’ face.
• Mrs Jones. Old fashioned and a stickler for manners, she’s the reason I’m advertising for a husband rather than a boyfriend. She won’t abide a couple living in sin under the same roof as her. Really, though, she’s a sweet old thing. Full of stories about the war and always ready to help if I get stuck on a recipe. I don’t blame her for what happened with Jimmy at all. I’d warned him enough times.

Guests aside, there are other rules you will need to follow to ensure a safe, satisfactory stay at The Old Oak Hotel. They are listed in a book that has been re-penned many times over the centuries. If you choose to accept this opportunity, I will insist that you read it until you can recite the pages word-for-word.
However, there are some rules so critical for your survival that I feel compelled to list them here:

• With the exception of the fourth floor, you are welcome to roam the hotel and its grounds as you please. But you must never set foot outside of our land – not until our child is old enough to fulfil their duties. If I were to do so, it would unleash pandemonium – plague, peril, perhaps another world war. I’m afraid you would be less crucial to the fate of the world, but it would certainly be a personal disaster.
• Never look in the mirrors in room 33.
• I’ve touched this point already, but it bears repeating: never be rude to Mrs Jones.

Failure to observe that last rule is what got Jimmy.
She doted on him. I think he reminded her of her long-dead son, for she pampered him as if he were one of her own. Each morning, she had breakfast ready for him before I had so much as opened my eyes, and she developed a habit of trailing along after him, complimenting his skill as he oiled rusted hinges or set a crooked picture straight.
At first, Jimmy basked in the attention. But by the end of his second month, he was growing bored of Mrs Jones, me, and the hotel itself. We pride ourselves on our facilities. If you need more activity than a turn around the garden, we have a lovely indoor pool – it freezes over every now and then, but most of the time it’s perfectly usable. Our library is unmatched. Although the room is cramped, it has every book imaginable; you only need to think of a particular title, and it will appear on one of the shelves. And now that I’ve dragged us kicking and screaming into the 21^st century, we have a wide array of streaming services.
It wasn’t enough for Jimmy. He wanted to go out – eat in a restaurant, watch a film in the cinema, see any faces other than the ones he was surrounded by every day. He began having a drink each evening. One drink turned into several, and after a few weeks, the bar became his permanent residence between dusk and midnight.
He wasn’t the only one getting bored. I had been thrilled when he first arrived; ecstatic when he agreed to stay. How marvellous to feel real flesh beneath my fingers after five years of only the dead for company. What a relief to have some assistance in the many tasks required to keep the hotel running as it should.
The more he drank, the less inclined he was to help – or even spend time in my company. He no longer visited my bed, choosing a room for himself on the opposite end of the floor. When our paths did cross, at best he would ignore me. At worst, he would nitpick or outright rail against me, blaming me for his captivity.
Still, I made an effort to be present whenever he frequented the bar. As lovely as Mrs Jones can be, she does have a tendency to nag. Before and after her death, she was close to teetotal, only consenting to take a single sherry at Christmas, and drinking outside of special occasions is something of a bugbear of hers.
“Think of your health, dear,” she would tell Jimmy brusquely. “You’ll miss it when it’s gone.”
Or, “How about we switch to a nice apple juice now? You’ve had quite enough to drink for one night.”
Most of the time, Jimmy managed to pull himself together enough to flash a charming smile and distract her with a compliment about her latest meal. But after one drink too many, I’d noticed him gritting his teeth and just barely managing to hold his tongue.
It was better if I was present. Playing the doting wife, I insisted on pouring his drinks, watering them down out of his sight. When Mrs Jones’s nagging bordered on relentless, I could always distract her with a game of gin rummy.
On his final day, I was running behind. The ghoul on the second floor – usually the least demanding of our guests – had come down with some dreadful illness, or else decided he wanted to inconvenience me. Either way, I had woken that morning to the foulest stench I had ever experienced. I followed it to his room and found every surface covered in putrid green-blank gunge, its consistency somewhere between mucus and vomit.
All day I scrubbed, taking only brief breaks to step outside before I fainted. By the time the room was restored to a passable state, and I had filled several bin bags to bursting with filthy rags, it was already deep into the night. Mindful of the time, I paused only long enough to wash the streaks of muck from my arms and face before racing to the bar.
I arrived just in time to hear Jimmy’s last words. After he spat them at Mrs Jones, she only stared for a small eternity, her mouth frozen in the motherly smile she wore whenever she scolded him.
Then, like melted wax, her face began to shift.
I shouted at Jimmy to run, but he didn’t need to be told. Before the words left my mouth, he leapt from his barstool and streaked through the door. Mrs Jones followed him seconds later. Her lips were already peeling back to reveal rows upon rows of long, wickedly sharp fangs, while claws sprouted from beneath her lace-edged cuffs.
I sprinted after them, but Jimmy was fuelled by fear and Mrs Jones by whatever force propels the Mrs Joneses of the world. I followed the screeching to the lobby. Breathless, I arrived to see he had arrived within mere feet of the entrance before Mrs Jones grabbed him.
Claws wrapped around his throat, she lifted him into the air. As I watched, her jaw unhinged, the lower part dropping so that it was nearly level with her chest.
That sight drove all the sense out of my head. Forgetting every rule my parents had ever drilled into me, I lunged at her.
She batted me away as though I weighed no more than a fly.
I crashed into the reception desk, the breath bursting from my lungs in a great woosh. I was certain that I would die, for no amount of effort seemed to force air back into my aching chest. At last, as my vision began to dim, I managed to take a small gulp – then another, and another, until I was able to draw myself together enough to regain my feet.
By that time, Mrs Jones had nearly finished her dinner. Jimmy’s chest was splayed open, muscle and shattered ribs protruding every which way from his flesh, and she was devouring the last few bites of his heart.
His head was angled towards me. The light had winked out from his eyes, but they still held his final terror – and an accusation which, I was quite certain, was directed at me. I would like to say I felt only horror, but I couldn’t help my sudden jolt of irritation. How may times had I told him to mind his manners?
Mrs Jones gulped, the sound thick and wet in her gullet, and dropped what remained of Jimmy to the floor.
Then she turned to me.
Here’s another rule for you, one which I hope you never have cause to use: never interfere with a kill.
The Mrs Jones who used to kiss my grazed knees, who argued with my mother for the right to read me bedtime stories, was no longer at the wheel. No amount of pleading or reasoning would move her.
I could only run.
Spinning around, I vaulted over the reception desk and raced for the office behind it. If Jimmy had not been out of his mind with fear and booze, he might have remembered the rules and survived; it was one of several staff-only rooms throughout the hotel warded to keep out unwanted guests.
Just ten steps from desk to door, yet it was the longest journey of my life. My hard-won breath burned my throat; my heart pounded in my ears, deafening me to all other sounds than Mrs Jones’s heavy, pounding footsteps.
Grasping the handle, her hot, copper-tanged breath was on my neck. Fire exploded in my flesh as she raked her claws down my back. A step further away, and I wouldn’t have made it; the pain would have been too great. But I managed to throw myself into the office and slam the door before crumpling to the ground.
Before I passed out, I heard her grunting and shrieking outside, furious that she couldn’t get in.
Three days I spent in the office, emerging only to feed The Thing in the Cellar before scurrying back to my hiding place. Whenever I left, I tried not to look at the mangled heap that used to be Jimmy. There was no avoiding the smell, though.
With no small difficulty, and the help of a first aid kit, I managed to treat and bandage the wounds on my back. They bled sluggishly all throughout the first day, but thankfully didn’t fester.
On the morning of the fourth day, there was a tentative knock on the door followed by the sound of rapidly retreating footsteps. I waited until they had disappeared down the corridor before cracking the door open. On the floor was a freshly baked Victoria sponge and a beautifully written note of apology.
It took every ounce of courage I possessed, but that evening I forced myself to go to the dining room. Mrs Jones was waiting for me, her eyes red-rimmed, a steaming cottage pie on the table. I tried not to flinch as she took my hand, re-iterating the apology she had already delivered in writing.
The next morning, she helped me clean Jimmy up.
We treated each other cautiously for a while, but eventually we got back to playing gin rummy again. When the scars on my back twinge, as they sometimes do, she helps me rub a soothing ointment into them. Even though I’ve told her it’s not necessary, she apologises every time.
So, you’ve heard my story and you have my proposal. If you think you could be the man for me, I invite you to visit. You will need to drink a cup of ram’s blood (a pinch of nutmeg makes it a little more tolerable) and light a black candle before bedtime. When you next wake, you will find yourself at our gates. As travel arrangements go, it’s hardly the Orient Express, but it beats the airfare.
If you have read this without flinching, if you can stomach the journey to get here, if you walk up to our door and find the nerve to open it, I have one more instruction for you.
Just as you enter, look to your right. You will see a deep brown stain on the lobby carpet. I’ve scrubbed and scrubbed but it just won’t come out. Perhaps that’s for the best. It’s a good reminder of what will happen to you should you call Mrs Jones a “nosy old bat”.
And when you run into Jimmy – as you will, for he still likes hanging around the bar in the evening, his silvery wounds glistening as though they had just been inflicted – don’t let him convince you he was some sort of victim.
He knew the rules.

Hello and welcome to the greatest and most spectacular alliance community ever developed!
What's that? You say you haven't heard of us before? This is okay. It is natural for the hidden Ooken masters to appear when you need them most.
Our goals are simple:
· Play both WvW and sPVP in the most annoying, satisfying, gratifying manner possible
· Zero schedules because those cause intestinal cramping
· Show up when you can, contribute where you will and spread your Dookems wide
· Collaborate and elaborate on builds together...but only if they cause sadness
· Understand that the best games in life are played with spoons

Put up your Dookems revolves around one very important rule: Absolutely ZERO DOOKERS in here. None. Not gonna happen. We routinely each night go out of our way to Ook everyone right up their Dooker. We send invitations beforehand in order to make sure that everyone is invited to the thighmaster brigade.
Some of our most famous events include:

1. Which way are the Yaks REALLY going? Does anyone know?
2. I walk 5,000 range to deliver my messages of love to you
3. Portal? I hardly knew em!
4. Conquest of the Ruins that kinda look like that weird birthday cake we had in 2nd grade with the melted Elmo face. But dammit mom tried.
5. Dancing with no bearings letting our wheels fall off
6. Eruption of Mustache Wax

Alliances: Okay our game plan for this is to gather like minded people. Do you enjoy home BL defense? So DO WE. Do you enjoy outnumbered fights and grabbing whatever is close by to squeeze it repeatedly? SAME. This a group of friends, sons, fathers, some moms, a dance pavilion and a solid block of cheese.
If these and other PVP games like "who stole my enormous potato" appeal to you, check us out.
Fatherbliss.4701 – Lead Ooker
Alec.1430 – Head Designer of Fashion
Lorthrean.7418 – Master of all Pies
Shrouded zeen.1657 – He who Waits

I have fully got over my reddit drama so i'm gonna try to avoid commenting on reddit hashtag try to but if I have someone try to get my attention don't bother I won't respond even if I do decide to respond it would probably be a one time thing and now to say I can confirm I am a former victim of mental abuse I won't explain it in full details but I will explain what I had to go through when I was living with my grandmother I had to go through mental abuse I never felt safe in my grandmother's home my grandmother always yelled at me even when I did nothing wrong my grandmother was mentally abusive to me she constantly yelled at me even when I did nothing wrong she always believed any lies that was told about me like one example I can remember was on March break 2018 my uncle told my grandmother that I stole the school snacks when I was at my mom's house laying in her bed sick all throughout March break then when I turned 20 years old on July 15th 2019 my grandmother decided since i'm almost an adult she could use my credit card I didn't know I had to buy smokes and made me go in debt then in 2020 which I admit became a very bad year for me first on twitter and deviantart I got accused of defending a youtuber called Cryaotic second I decided to push myself at school due to how I took my teacher's words which I now realized that she didn't mean her words how she worded them my teacher told me if I don't try my hardest then I won't succecced in life which I took her words that if I don't try then I will never become anything in life so I spent all my high school year doing school work I took no breaks aside from washroom breaks but drinking water didn't seem important to me it got to the point where my teachers kept telling me that it was great that I'm refusing to give up on school work but you need to take a water break or else you're gonna dehydrate yourself they told me that everyday but it eventually got to a point where my teachers knew that I wasn't gonna get out of my seat and resolve to give me a water bottle everyday then one day I decided I didn't want to live with my grandmother anymore so I went to my mom crying to her saying things like mom I don't wanna live with my grandmother anymore she's mentally abusive I want to live with you which my mom responded to me saying sure you can live with me you're 20 now you're old enough to make your own decisions then when I went to my grandmother's house we got into a fight and argument and I made the mistake of telling my grandmother how I felt about her and my grandmother kicked me out of her house she stopped doing things for me the last thing I remember my grandmother doing for me was her taking me to the doctors when I twisted my ankle my grandmother didn't even celebrated my 21st birthday with me during July when my mother asked my grandmother if she had anything planned for my birthday cause my mother wanted to know which my grandmother responded nope I don't need to celebrate your daughter's birthday you can celebrate your daughter's birthday by yourself I guess my grandmother thought me and my mom were gonna celebrate my birthday by ourselves but on the day of my 21st birthday my mother invited my siblings my boyfriend and friends of my mom to come to my birthday but my grandmother decided to be a bitch and complained to my mom about her friends cars blocking her driveway so they had to move their cars my grandmother even had a habit of throwing my friends and my boyfriend into blame when they had nothing to do with whatever my grandmother was blaming them for I haven't talked to my grandmother for years now and I tend to keep it that way I don't see my grandmother as family anymore all I see her as is someone who was a mental abuser and someone that abused my trust one thing I will admit is I believe in ghost and guardian angels cause I have seen them same with spirit animals which my spirit animal by clan is a wolf and that wolf spirit is everywhere with me I even own wolf items such as a wolf necklace a wolf blanket a wolf hat a wolf poster and wolf plushies I won't say all of the names of my wolf plushies but I will admit I name most of my wolf plushies after youtubers again I won't say all of their names but some of the names of my wolf plushies are Dawko(named after the youtuber Dawko) Jackmanifold(named after the Dream smp member Jackmanifold) Skydoesminecraft(named after the youtuber Skydoesminecraft) Punz(named after the Dream smp member Punz) and Foolish(named after the Dream smp member Foolishgamers) the last time I saw my grandmother was at my great uncle's funeral which I first heard about my great uncle's death was from my mother on that day I loss my story on wattpad to a false report my gaming chair broke and I broke my thumb nail off my gaming chair so I called my mom crying my eyes out telling her that my gaming chair broke and I broke my thumb nail and it was hurting which my mother told me that she's at the hospital with my great uncle and will talk to me when she gets home so I ended up calling my mom's friend to help me cut my thumb nail then when my mom came home she told me that my great uncle died and I took his death the hardest which I also realized on that day me losing my story to a false report on wattpad my gaming chair breaking and me breaking my thumb nail was spirital signs that I was gonna lose someone on that day and I loss my great uncle then when my mom asked me if I was going to my great uncle's funeral and that my grandmother was gonna be there which I responded to my mom saying that I will go to my great uncle's funeral but I'm not talking to my grandmother which my mom responded to me saying that's fine Destiny that's your choice if you want to talk to your grandmother or not so I went to my great uncle's funeral I talked to my family members that went to my great uncle's funeral but my grandmother cause I wanted to stick to my word which I barely shed a tear at my great uncle's funeral which I believe is probably cause I spent all of my time greiving for my great uncle at home but that's all I have to say about myself plus to add if I see a comment saying something about my grammer or puncation I will delete the comment and block you but to those who choose to stay and listen thank you

Context: my ex (22m) and I (22f) were together for 1 yr 7 months, I found out he cheated on me with 7 different girls while I was abroad for 3 weeks. Ironically, I discovered it on 14th of February.
We were living together, so the next day, while he was at work, I packed all my stuff and moved to a friend's place. After that we kept seeing each other (my huge mistake, I was not able to let it go). For 2 months I was stuck in a situationship, where all the time he was making promises, sending flowers, letters, long texts, crying in front of me, showing regret and remorse. I foolishly thought it was genuine. Of course he cheated again. So I decided to confront him, where I met this girl and him at the same time. I truly advise against doing such a thing. At first, you feel a rush of adrenaline and rage, but afterwards, the comedown is awful. Just block and ignore. Life isn’t a movie, folks.
So after all this hell I finally blocked him everywhere and tried to move on, but he was on my mind constantly. I was writing texts everyday to myself how I am feeling, constantly checking his online status and number of followers. (+30 in 2 weeks :) ) So yeah, I don't understand why I continue to disrespect myself in this way and still cannot let it go. He is clearly a scumbag, but I truly loved him. And I believed his words. Actions were speaking louder however.
He was trying to reach out to me through different social media and my friend during NC, but I just ignored him. Stayed strong for 1 month, but smth clicked inside me and I replied to one of his messages from an unknown number recently. We started talking, he again started bombarding me with messages that he wants to meet, to talk in person, that he is truly sorry and blah blah. So I told him exactly what I think of him, hoping he'd get that I have no soft spot left for him. But he kept asking to meet in person, saying we need a mature conversation, not just texts. I told him he doesn't even know what "mature" means considering his actions. But then he killed me with a question "Were we in a relationship while he slept with that girl?". And kept insisting on answering this. Am I delusional or how to explain this: one day he is declaring you his love, claiming that he understood his actions and changing, not seeing anybody. Next two days he is sleeping with another girl he met, and then so innocently lying to your face.
I deleted the conversation and felt like shit again, as some of his replies were too delusional and stupid. Like "if you would have given me a chance and we would be together again, I would never do such a thing, I was drunk and alone, if I knew what you have truly felt about me..."
I am very confused, I should not have replied. I didn't agree to meet him, but in my heart I really want this. I just cannot understand this cognitive dissonance.
P.S. after finishing writing this Im shocked how fucked up it sounds, And these aren’t even all the details :(