My ex and I (never been married) had a son in 2022. Prior to having him he began exhibiting mental health issues and started taking medication (inconsistently). He also developed a gambling addiction and lost probably over $20,000 in just a few months. His parents were abusive and he grew up in a broken home so I figured he didn’t know any better and wanted to help him get on the right path. After I had my son things got significantly worse. He didn’t want to help me with him, he didn’t want to get up at night, and he would scream and throw things at me, and call me belittling names all in front of him. In September of 2022 after getting into an argument, he went into our garage and turned his car on with the garage door down and tried to end his life. I ended up calling my parents frantically who came over and were able to help calm him down. Things continued to get worse and by August of 2023 I had finally had enough and chose to separate. I moved in with my parents and we have been keeping things out of the court and just between us since then. I have allowed him to see him every other weekend along with one night during the week given my son’s age and development. Fast forward to January of 2024 I decided I wanted to work things out with him because he would threaten custody and that he was going to take my son and I just felt like I had to way the risk of not seeing my son over being with him. I moved back in with him in May but we only lasted a week as he continued down the same pattern of name calling, throwing things, screaming, slamming doors and putting me down. I decided I was going to leave (again) and he got really upset and said once again he was going to end his life. My mom was on the phone with me a the time and heard him say that He’s also said things like he’s going to leave the state and join the marines and to take care of our son and that I would never see him again. I never text messages of him saying these things along with saying he has mental health and anger management issues. After moving out I hadn’t heard from him for a week and now he has petitioned to get 50/50 custody of our son. In addition to this his dad has even said to myself and my parents that our son is better off with me. I don’t trust him having him at this state right now.
My son has been with me since he was born and I am his primary caretaker as my job allows me to be home with him more than his.
Given all of that, what are the chances he ends up with 50/50? Especially given my sons age and his fathers mental health ** I want to add I am in the process of hiring an attorney in just trying to be prepared for what I should expect in this process

EDIT: I forgot to include the fact that I live in Las Vegas Nevada as well.
Does anyone else exist within a friend group or social group who just could care less about crypto or nft or blockchain tech? I’m in this weird purgatory currently where I Uber, go home and organize/list my trading cards for sale, and then the rest of the time I’m deeply engaged between converting my hippie pop culture website into a web3 integrated virtual festival, and scouring nft drops / creating my own NFTs. I am a professional musician and psychedelic inspired graphic designer, so I am getting a big jump on getting my music into this new landscape, and combining my visual and audible art into a bundle of future rewards.
And I find it really difficult to share my successes on the Blockchain as well as the developments of my own website, because no less than two minutes into the conversation they are uninterested or completely lost. And I have taken my approach to answering any crypto related questions in a no condescending, easier digestible thesis.
I have updated the website as the tech has upgraded for the last decade. I’m 30 years old. I have ton of achievable and original art and ease of service business plans to incorporate overtime. I have been telling people that I feel as if Blockchain technology is entering the AOL dial at this rate Google hasn’t even been invented yet and I’m pretty sur I have been telling people that I feel as if Blockchain technology is entering the AOL dial at this rate. Google hasn’t even been invented yet and I’m pretty sure daddy Bezos still has hair. Every day I get Uber customers in my car who asked me can I take the time to explain to them what , but honestly, it just seems like it this point those of us who want to be pioneers in this part of history may not live to see the “big conversion”. I have taken roughly 1500 rides over the past 5 months, since I restarted my crypto journey. Statistically, that is 1500+ people in my vehicle. Not one has claimed to own a wallet or ever had a wallet. Only 2 had heard of NFT’s.
12 hours of clocked computer screen and website updating.
Back to Uber for 4 hours. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

My name is Jessica, and I live in a small central American city of about 80,000 people.Today I'm going to share a story about Korea.First, I'd like to tell you a little bit about my family.When I was born, I already had an older brother.I don't mean just a little sister with an older brother.My brother was adopted from Korea.It's an unusual situation, isn't it? My parents struggled with infertility for several years before I was born, and they ended up adopting my Korean brother.Then, a few years later, they got pregnant with me, and I was born.My brother had different hair color, skin color, and eye color than me, but we got along very well.Even though we knew from a young age that we were adopted because of our differences, we got along well, and we were a family that loved each other deeply.
We played the same games, read books together, and spent a lot of time together. He always took good care of me, and he was a good brother who made me laugh.
I would say, “Brother, let's read this book together!” and he would always smile and read it to me. I think I liked and enjoyed his warmth to me, rather than focusing on the content of the book.
When we left our cozy home environment, it was time to go to school, and during this time, my brother and I were asked a lot of embarrassing questions.One day, while my brother and I were playing together, a friend asked me, “Jessica, why does your brother look different from you?”The question gave me pause, but he smiled and replied, “Because we are a family, looks don't matter. His positive attitude had a good effect on me, and I'm sure he had a good effect on himself, too.Watching him grow up right, and our family became interested in Korea. If he was a troublemaker and always in trouble, he wouldn't have had the time to take the time to learn about his country of origin, Korea, but when he studied well, didn't fight with his friends, and was a good person who always loved and cared for his brother, we couldn't help but wonder about his roots.
I think my parents also had the will to share Korean culture with my brother and me, to learn what they could, to broaden our horizons and deepen our family's understanding.Many years ago, when I was in middle school, my family visited Korea for the first time, and the experience left a great impression on me.
We visited many tourist spots in Seoul and saw the harmonious combination of Korean tradition and modernity.And Korea, with its many dark-haired, dark-eyed people like my brother, was somehow not foreign to me.For Americans traveling to Asia for the first time, this could have been difficult because people look different and give off different vibes, but not for me. My parents, of course, were very excited to revisit Korea, the country of my brother's birth, and spoke so many blessings about the land of my brother's birth.Of course, there were many good things to see and many fun things to do in Korea, but the most memorable moment was when I suddenly developed a high fever.
It was a quiet night in Korea at the time, and I suddenly developed a high fever.This change was so sudden that my parents panicked.Eventually, with the help of the hotel we were staying at, they were able to get me to the emergency room in Korea, where I was quickly treated.Upon arrival, the medical staff quickly assessed my condition and ran the necessary tests.The whole process was organized, and thanks to the professionalism and quick response of the medical staff, I was able to get comfortable quickly. My situation was so serious that my head hurt like a rock and I could barely understand what was being said around me, but thanks to their quick response, my fever started to come down and I was able to return to my senses.The tests showed that I had a severe flu, which had been contracted in the United States and had incubated in Korea.I had to stop traveling in Korea and be admitted to the hospital for treatment, but thanks to the fast and efficient healthcare system in Korea, this was not a problem.
My parents breathed a sigh of relief and expressed their deep gratitude to the Korean healthcare system.“If it wasn't for Korea, I would have been in trouble,” my father said.Although my family had to stop our trip to Korea and spend the rest of my stay in a Korean hospital, looking back, it was also a unique experience abroad.
Many years later, as an adult, my relationship with my brother was still good. We enjoyed Korean dramas, movies, and music together, cooked Korean food together, and learned Korean together.
However, there was a clear difference between me and him: he seemed to be better at learning, even if he spent the same amount of time studying, and he went to a prestigious university, while I failed to get into college and became depressed.
He helped me with my studies every vacation, taught me how to study, and helped me to get into a prestigious university, but the results were not good. I was rejected by all the universities I applied to, and I was going through a very difficult time. After he graduated from college, he moved back home from the East Coast of the United States and helped me study for the college entrance exam, and with his help, I was able to get into college, albeit late.
Although I didn't get into a prestigious university like my brother, I still had a satisfying college experience and broadened my horizons.Naturally, I discovered that Korea has been on the global radar lately, which was very exciting.Korea may be the latest trend for Americans these days, but for me and my brother, it's like going back to our roots.I've always loved Korea, and it was very interesting and fond to reminisce about my trip to Korea when I was in middle school and look through my photo albums, even though half the time I was sick. So, my brother and I decided to visit Korea again, and this time, we had several goals for the trip: we wanted to make sure that we got it right this time, because we didn't get it right the first time, and my brother wanted to get to know his Korean roots better, even though he is now an adult, working as an American and living as an American, and I wanted to get to know my Korean roots better in relation to my major in college, and this time, I wanted to research more about the Korean healthcare system that I had experienced as a child.
Of course, I also wanted to have fun in Korea and enjoy the freedom to roam around the country unlike when I was a student, but I didn't take it too seriously.
Korea was so different from the U.S. It had the look of a big city in the U.S., but it had its own unique vibe. It was much more developed than the neighborhoods we live in in the U.S., and everywhere you looked was filled with people, and there were hundreds or thousands of stores selling a variety of things. If you were walking around and traveling, and you got thirsty and needed a break, there were cafes all around you that you could just pop into and take a break, and you didn't have to go far to find a restaurant that had one Korean food and sold it, because all the infrastructure was there.
Everything is around you, and everything you want or need is always right around the corner, which is why people call city life so convenient and love it.The public transportation system in Korea, which is light years better than the big cities in the U.S., helped us get around without any difficulty.It was also so much fun to get a T-money card, carry it around, and use it to get around Korea for a very low cost.
And when my brother and I would walk around, going to cafes, restaurants, and other places where there was something to do, many Koreans would tell us that we made a good looking couple.When I would tell them, in a pleasant and complimentary way, that we were actually brother and sister, they would look surprised and apologize.
But it's completely understandable, because even in the U.S., more people think of us as a couple or friends than they do as siblings, and there's not much of an adoption culture in Korea, and no one adopts and brings European or American children to Korea, so it's no wonder we get these funny misunderstandings.
To be honest, even in the U.S. nowadays, you can still encounter people who ask my brother and I questions about our relationship with unpleasant intentions to hurt us, assuming that we are not a couple or friends, but maybe even a man.A recent memory is of an American grandfather in his 70s who made a very rude remark to us, asking us what kind of father our father was to have two women give birth at the same time.
In the U.S., most people are friendly and kind to me, but the problem is that some people sometimes make fun of my brother because he looks Asian, but this was not the case in Korea at all.No one discriminated against me because of my different appearance.
And there's actually a story I wasn't going to tell in this article, but I'm writing it down because I had my brother's permission to do so.After arriving in Korea, we decided to search for my adopted brother's birth parents in order to trace his roots.My parents and I respected his decision to pursue this endeavor in Korea, and of course, we decided to support it. We visited the Korean adoption agency and requested my brother's adoption records.The representative provided us with all the information possible and was eager to help us, saying that efforts to find one's roots are ongoing every day.Together, we were able to find some important clues in the records.
My brother decided to visit his birthplace based on those clues, and of course, I joined him on the journey.We were always laughing since we came to Korea, but at this moment, there was more seriousness than laughter.We visited my brother's birthplace together and talked to the local people.
At the time, there was only a vague record of my brother's father and mother, but no proper records, so we only knew where he was born, and we had to go there and find someone who had lived there for a long time.But Korea is a very fast-developing country, and the sad thing is that the area where my brother was born and spent the first few months of his life was already torn down and replaced by a huge apartment complex. We felt that if we had come sooner, at least before these new apartments were built, things would have been at least better than they were, but there was no point in regretting what had passed.We visited the social welfare center and police station in the area, explained our situation, and asked for help.The Korean people were very kind, listening to my brother's story and letting us know what we could do.
We were told that when a new apartment building is built in Korea, new people who have no connection to the area move into the apartment, but that some of the people who live in these new apartments have been living here for a long time, most likely elderly people, and that the best thing to do is to find them and ask them about their past.We felt that this information would be very useful to us, as we were very confused and frustrated.
So my brother and I, along with a Korean lady who felt sorry for us and wanted to help, approached the elderly people who came in and out of the apartment and asked them questions.But despite all our efforts, we were unsuccessful in finding my brother's biological parents.We had many clues and information, but we were unable to find any conclusive evidence.My brother was disappointed, but we were comforted by the fact that we had done our best. Maybe if we could have spent a few weeks, maybe even a few months here to find and talk to an elderly person with memories of the past, we could have found a clue to the solution, but we couldn't stay in Korea, so in the end, we had to give up without proceeding any further.When I saw the look on my brother's face as he said that if he had the chance, he would visit Korea next time for this sole purpose, I felt a great sense of disappointment.“It's a shame that we couldn't find them, but thank you for trying,” he said to me.I couldn't say it anymore.
It would have been great if he could have completed his homework, but he didn't.Contrary to my initial expectations, the Korean adoption agency tried to be as helpful as possible, and I was very grateful to the government officials in the place of my brother's supposed birth, who were very sympathetic to his situation and actively tried to help him, and to the Korean lady who passed by.
Having been treated by the Korean healthcare system in the past, I took this level of care for granted and thought that it was something that everyone could enjoy, but then, when I was a high school student in the U.S., I was seriously ill and did not receive the same care as I did in Korea, so I remember suffering terribly and tried to understand why this difference occurred.
Before I came to Korea, I had already arranged to meet with someone, and although I didn't get to visit any specialized institutions, I was able to meet with Korean college students, and I learned a lot of information from them: medical students, pharmacy students, and I was able to get a lot of information from them.
The Korean healthcare system was different from the U.S. in many ways: it was fast, efficient, and provided a high level of care at a relatively low cost.The quick response and organized system for emergencies was especially impressive.The emergency rooms in Korea were very reasonably priced, allowing people to go to them for minor and mild symptoms.At this point, I thought that if there were a lot of people going to the emergency room for minor symptoms, it would be a problem if someone came in who needed emergency care, but the hospitals in Korea made it very easy to answer that question. I also learned that when a really urgent patient comes in, the emergency room prioritizes the emergency patients and treats them first, ignoring the minor ones. It's so simple and obvious: the doctors have the skills to determine the severity of the patient's condition, and they can prioritize the treatment accordingly.
Not only that, but it was very easy to get an appointment in Korea and the wait time was short. The Korean medical staff emphasized patient care and prompt treatment, and they utilized the latest medical technology and equipment to provide the best possible medical care.
In the U.S., medical care is often very expensive, complicated, and difficult to access quickly, and many people are unable to get proper treatment due to insurance issues.I also received prompt treatment in Korea when I was in middle school without insurance and had to pay a reasonable price, but the experience was a nightmare as I remember being very sick in middle school and high school, and I felt that the Korean system was far superior.I felt that the Korean healthcare system is not for profit, but is dedicated to protecting the health of the people.
Through my experiences in Korea, I learned about a much broader world than what my brother and I knew before.There are many factors that make Korea such a great country, but the culture and system that my brother and I experienced firsthand helped us understand why.And most of all, Korea is the country that made my brother.I have grateful feelings for Korea, which is also my brother's roots.
My brother and I could tell without speaking to each other that through this visit, we saw in each other a willingness to continue to love Korea more and more, and to strive to learn and understand Korean culture.
Korea is now a country that has special meaning to me as an adult, and I think it will be a great pleasure for me to honor my brother's roots and watch Korea develop and grow.I will continue to connect with Korea and try to help more people discover its charms.
And next year, he plans to visit Korea to find his roots once again. He plans to stay in Korea for more than a month, and he will continue his best efforts during that period.

Hello everyone, Like most people with this crazy disorder, I have a long story, but I'll (try to) keep it short so I can get to my question:
In 2014 I developed panic disorder. A few years later it spiraled into agoraphobia for all the standard reasons. I stopped exercising, getting out, seeing people (aside from my long-term partner), doing normal life stuff. It was hell and I was essentially housebound for a while. Called crisis lines, wanted to die, it wasn't good. I ended up shutting my work down and moving in with my aging parents for a few months because I couldn't stand to be alone when my partner was at work (I work from home). Anyways, I learned self-care, got through the darkness, found a strength in myself to fight, got my business back, moved back home, started exercising again, got my driver's license at 34 years old, etc. I was on mirtazapine for many years and got off of it at the end of last year. I lost the 30 lbs that the meds put on. I've been making awesome progress.
Here's the problem: All the progress I've made has been WITH my partner. We take long walks, kayak, go on day trips, grocery stores, dinners, all normal stuff. I learned to enjoy doing things again, and filled my life with that feeling. That feeling expanded my bubble. All my progress with my "safe person" culminated with us taking a trip to Scotland (from Canada) last month where we got married. It was my first trip out of the country. I did all the things that I thought I'd never be able to do, including a travel day from hell. It feels surreal and I'm very proud of myself.
Now that I'm back home, I still can't do anything alone (like walk around the block). I feel almost completely "healed" when I'm with my partner, but like I haven't made any progress alone. The contrast between getting on planes, hiking through highlands, etc... vs. having a full blown "I'm gonna die" panic attack from walking down the street alone, is.... Insane.
It's like there's two separate people, and I'm not sure how to embody the Scotland version of myself while alone, so that I can hold the hand of the panicked version of myself. One needs the other. How do I get comfortable alone? There are things I want to accomplish alone!

Last week I found out that my boyfriend was making female “friends and deleting all calls and text messages from his phone about it. I went through his phone because I had a weird feeling something wasn’t right (we do have each others passwords and have granted each other permission to browse about each others phones at any given time) So after a weird night where he came home from work he was requesting we engage in sex and I wasn’t really feeling it because it felt more like a demand to me and was not romantic in the slightest. This has continued to be the case ever since I had our third child back in November. Everything about our sex life has felt pressured, unromantic, demanding , unfeeling and honestly like a chore to me. Anyways this particular night was just feeling even more off as it spark a slight argument about how much sex we were apparently not having. The aggression mixed with the fact that we haven’t been talking much lately lead me to start feeling like he was hiding something. Particularly because my boyfriend is a pretty chatty guy. He’s one of few men that can literally talk for 24hrs nonstop. Honestly the slight distance wasn’t bothering me too much considering I have been going through my own postpartum depression and trying to stay stable and be a present mom to all three of our very demanding children which ages are 4,3 and 6 months. Literally NONE of these tiny humans can take care of themselves so I was just trying to manage my emotions the best I could and so not talking wasn’t a big thing to me. It wasn’t until that night that everything felt so very wrong to me that I decided after forever to peak into his phone. Hoping it was just my anxiety I snooped around and found things that seemed alarming to me. I noticed there were recently deleted messages from a woman I’d never heard of only 4 and one of them saying I’ll call you back. Which leads me to believe they’ve been taking often and these 4 messages are no where near the whole picture. I look at the message date and time and search his call logs and FaceTime for a call even closely corresponding to the text. Nothing came up. Then I decided to look for ANY call at all between them. Again nothing came up. This was enough to really deeply upset me because we had discussed boundaries in our relationship and one was that he currently told me he wanted to start making new “friends” and he’d like some to be female. I said okay that’s cool with me as long as you let me know you’ve made a new friend and are transparent about who you’re talking to. This was very important considering other times throughout our 6yr relationship he was dishonest about female friends and did things behind my back that were really painful during my last postpartum stage. Really all the postpartum stages. There are always secret calls and deleted texts with some new female friends”friend”. To that note he was searching up a women who we both agreed he would no long be friends with back when I had our other child and in his other iPhone that shares the same iCloud there were messages from a woman with the same name Bree but placed under the content JJ in his phone. I only knew it was Bree because he literally had a text under the contact saying “Hey Bree it’s so and so” I was floored at this point and my trust has felt like it was truly broken. He made up excuses and told me it’s all a misunderstanding and he was being careless but I didn’t buy it and kicked him out. Now it’s been a week and pretty much everyday he tries to come back and get back together but I really don’t think I want to. I honestly feel like although I’ve been devastated and heartbroken a part of me feels at peace with this absence and to be done with this untrustworthy relationship. I’m so confused at the moment and keep trying to just spend everyday I can taking care of myself and our children. I’m just lost and would love some advice on this situation, any thoughts?

Race Information

• Name: Vermont City Marathon
• Date: May 26, 2024
• Distance: 26.2 miles
• Location: Burlington, VT
• Website: https://www.runvermont.org/
• Age: 35M
• Time: 3:26:22

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	Sub-3:20	No
B	Sub-3:30	Yes
C	Finish	Yes

Splits

13.1 splits	Time
1	1:43:20
2	1:43:02

Ancient History

Growing up, I was always pretty active and started running in High School. Going into my Junior year, I began to take running much more seriously and made steady progress with a 5K PR of 17:06 at the State meet. Going into my Senior year, I had been training 6 days a week with the team and hitting 40-60 miles a week consistently with hopes of going low 16's by the end of the XC season. Then, disaster. Pain in my quads was getting worse and worse until a bone scan finally revealed bilateral femoral stress fractures - one midway along the midline of each femur. I was devastated, and completely stopped running from August until February. By then, it seemed like things were getting better and I was able to put in some good miles for the spring Track season. I was always a better mid-distance runner, and was able to snag a few PRs of 2:00 in the 800m (agony, 1s off) and 4:35 in the 1600m. By that point I was basically over running, completely burned out and sick of running.
10 years later...
I wake up one morning in April of 2017 to take a shower and realize that I have no temperature sensation in my right leg whatsoever. I'm now finishing grad school, I've moved across the country, first kid on the way and due in a matter of weeks. I'm not working out much at this point, maybe running every few months at best. Stress is high. I go to urgent care and the last 6 months of subtle pins and needles on the left side of my face and the occasional double vision start to make a lot more sense. Multiple Sclerosis. It's not a death sentence, but I felt like the world was ending. My kid was due in 4 weeks and now my future was completely uncertain. A month or two, an MRI and one spinal tap later and the diagnosis is confirmed.

Training

Fortunately, new medicines have made MS much more manageable and I was lucky to have a great medical team. Perhaps the most important thing to keep the disease in check beyond highly potent immunosuppressants is regular exercise. Time to start running again.
Starting out was rough, but within a few weeks I was able to feel ok running 15-20 miles a week in the 8-10 min/mile range. I keep that up consistently for a year or so and run my first 10K with a time of 44:42, which I was pretty proud of at the time. Things are going well for a while, second kid is on the way, my MS seems mostly stable, albeit leaving me with some permanent loss of function of my left leg (these gait issues will come up later), pins and needles in my right leg, and fatigue. Then COVID hits. Now I'm at home, with much more time. I increase my mileage a bit, now running 20-30 miles a week but not really following any particular plan or anything. Move across country, keep running when I can.
Mid-2023 I decided to finally take it up a level. I was mostly using the Garmin Daily Workouts at this point and running consistently 30 miles a week. I decided to run my first half-marathon, just as a virtual training run, and felt pretty good about my time with an 8:24/mi average pace. Going into fall, I juggled some illnesses but kept running. Unfortunately around November I started to develop Sesamoiditis and had to really limit my running to 35-40 miles per week. I ran a Christmas 5K with a time of 19:14, which felt pretty good, but was still dealing with the Sesamoid issue.
Over time, the Sesamoid started to resolve but I would occasionally feel some twinges in my right Adductor. Nevertheless, I felt like the time was now to try for my first Marathon. Around February, I finally committed and decided to do the Pfitz 12/55 plan. I had been consistently in the 35-40 range for a few months, so felt like I had a decent base. At first, I found the plan quite difficult to deal with. It was the most structured running I had done since high school, but after a while my schedule adapted and I was hitting all of the workouts. About halfway through, the Adductor issue started to really rear its ugly head. It seems like it's a combination of gait issues from my MS as well as compensating for the weakened Sesamoid. I attempted to strength train, but had to back off a bit.
At best, I was able to hit 53 miles a week, occasionally having to skip some workouts for cross-training or rest. I felt like I nailed the 20 mile runs pretty well and overall the LRs felt good. I ran one 5K as a kind of "tune-up" with a time of 19:21, pacing a friend, so putting in maybe 80-90% effort. Due to injuries and some travel I was never able to do one of the longer tune-up races. Unfortunately, the Adductor issue continued to wax and wane, finally flaring up badly about 3 weeks out from my target marathon. After a consultation with Ortho, I was told to stop running cold turkey for two weeks prior to the Marathon, and then a follow-up last Friday I was given the green light to try it ... cautiously ... but consider dropping out if it is too painful.

Pre-Race

My taper was compromised pretty heavily by the injury, so I was really feeling worried about how the race would go. That said, I knew that the training was done at this point, and so an extended rest shouldn't make TOO much of an impact if I feel ready. I carb-loaded three days out and tried to take on a lot of fluids. While my injury was feeling better, the next worry was the temperature. Forecast was saying low 60s for the start of the race, ramping up to the mid 70s by the time I expected to finish. We drove up to Burlington from the Boston area on Friday with the kids, and I likely did too much walking on Saturday but overall I was feeling ok and was fortunate to get a good amount of sleep Saturday night (7.5hrs).
I'm a scientist by training, so planning and preparation is second nature to me. I woke up at 4:45, had a cup of coffee, half a bagel, a banana, and a Maurten 160 drink. Because of the temperature, I decided to prepare two 500mL bottles of Tailwind, one that I would take with me and one that I would pickup from my wife at the Half point. I planned for 4 gels (Maurten@5mi, Gu@10mi, Maurten+Caf@15mi, Maurten@20) and to get a cup of water at every aid station each 2.5mi. I jogged down to the start at 6:15am, used the restroom probably 4 times, and lined up with the 3:30 group.

Race

My plan was to start out with the 3:30 pacer group and see how things go. The course is advertised as being flat and fast, but I'm not sure I believe that because there is a big hill you run up twice with 120ft of vert over about 1/2 mile and between 5-7% grade at times. The course is essentially two figure 8s, and you start in the middle. At 7:15am, we took off. The first few miles felt a bit stiff, but I was chatting it up with the pacers and feeling pretty relaxed. We were going a bit ahead of pace, clocking in at 7:50 per mile for the first 4-5 miles. Around the 10K mark, I was feeling a bit antsy and the pace was slowing down...I decided to head off alone, despite a lot of reservation that I was making a poor decision.
Around Mile 9, I was starting to feel a bit of tightness in my legs and my HR was in the high 160s. I was a little bit concerned about this early fatigue, but I knew from my training that I feel like this on almost every single run and it doesn't really seem to get worse, it just seems to be part of my mechanics or something. I kept pushing on, mile after mile, keeping my pace pretty consistently. Every aid station I got a cup of water, drank some and splashed the rest on my head. This made a HUGE difference in the end.
Mile 13, came in at the Half feeling great. Started up one of the hills and saw my wife. *Disaster* she had the wrong bottle. No carbs, no Tailwind for the 2nd half, and my current bottle was empty. At this point, I had also been taking my gels early. My stomach was feeling great so instead of a gel at every 5th mile I was taking one at every 4. The race provided gels at mile 8 and mile 21, so I had picked up an extra gel by this time and made the decision to stop at the next aid station around mile 15 and fill up my bottle with Gatorade. Salvation.
Kept chugging along, feeling a bit of fatigue setting in around the slog from mile 16-19. At mile 19, I saw my wife again and she had the correct bottle (it was my fault, she thought I meant for her to give me a larger, recovery bottle I had prepared of Skratch for after the race). I got my bottle of Tailwind and hit the monster hill at Mile 20. This was my slowest mile at 8:15 (GAP of 7:40) and it really sapped my strength. I was thinking that this must be like running Heartbreak Hill the entire time I was going up.
Through the hill, into the last 10K. Starting to feel desperate, just pushing forward every step of the way. The pacing in this marathon is quite strange, because it also has a Relay of either 2-person or 4-person teams, so you're always seeing different people with way fresher legs than you. Ended up finding a woman to run with who was crushing it, and we paced eachother the last 3-4 miles. Took a last gel around 24 miles and grinded it out to the end.

Berlin next... then Boston?

Post-race, I was feeling pretty happy with my 3:26 time. To be honest, I felt a little anti-climactic, although I'm not entirely sure why. I didn't feel a ton of adrenaline or emotion throughout the race and things seemed pretty collected. That said, I'm pretty surprised at how much I loved almost every minute of the race itself. Maybe it was just because it was my first time, but it was truly a fun and rewarding experience.
I think there were a few areas where I could have pushed just slightly harder, but given it was my first marathon on a somewhat challenging course in the heat I'm overall happy with my time. I absolutely nailed my hydration/fueling and my pacing, with a slightly negative split overall, so I'm really pleased with that. As a whole, I'd give my training cycle maybe a 6/10; I think I definitely raced too many of my training runs, likely leading to some of my injuries. I was also only able to go above 50mpw in 2 of the 12 weeks of the program.
Given my somewhat poor training cycle, I'm hoping that I still have a lot of room to improve. I was a bit worried that my MS would cause issues during the marathon, particularly my left leg, which tends to lose coordination in long, higher intensity efforts. Fortunately, it felt pretty good throughout.
Earlier in the year, I was lucky to get a spot for both Berlin and NYC. Given their proximity to each other, I'm going to try and defer NYC to next year. I've now been thinking through if I want to try and apply to Boston for 2025. Given my MS, I am technically eligible for an "adaptive" application, which has a cutoff time of 6:00. I feel in two minds about this, because on one hand I feel like I'm maybe taking a bit of the easy way out, when it might be possible for me to hit sub-3:05 some day. On the other hand, I don't know how many years I have left running so I'm thinking I might just seize the opportunity now and then try and qualify through the more "standard" way in the future. Curious on people's thoughts on this, and thanks for reading!
Made with a new race report generator created by herumph.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Total_Cap_8129. She posted in AmItheAsshole
I added paragraph breaks for readability.

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. Latest update is 7 days old per the rules of this sub.

Mood Spoiler: sad but with good boundaries
Original Post: May 21, 2024
This is my first reddit post, throwaway. Also Englisch is not my first language.
My (53F) mother passed away 10 years ago and I inherited a few select items of jewellery from her. Those are things she cherished and wore often. I have been wearing her watch for the past 10 years, my sister (50F) holds a golden bracelet that she loves and there are three items left that me and my sister have been planning to give to my three daughters (20/18/18) to commemorate 10 years since her passing. They always knew this and were close to their gradma. There is also no quarrel about who gets what.
Enter my brother (48m) and his fiancée (38f) of two years. My brother is demanding one of the pieces for his future wife to wear. He claims we never involved him in any discussion as to what should happen to the pieces and we can’t just claim those to ourselves just because we are women. He says it’s very common for heirloom jewellery to be given to the daughter-in-law and he and his fiancée even cited Meghan Marke and Kate Middleton as examples.
Legally there is no case to be made, my mother left those items to me. I have politly declined their request explaining that I can’t let one of my daughters go without and that they were very close to their grandma while his fiancée did not know her. His fiancée is apparently distraught and claims we don’t see her as family. My father wants me to keep the items and give one to my brother so that all of my mom’s kids eventually get one item and I can do as I see fit with the rest. My sister kindly has offered up her bracelet.
I am torn. I don’t t want to antoganoize my brother and my sister-in law but I find my three daughters’ claim so much more valid. They have been looking forward to this for years. And I don’t want my sister to sacrifice her bracelet. If there were more pieces I would not hesitate to give something to her. It’s not a matter of money. I have offered other things out of my mom’s estate, they feel it’s not the same.
I am also taking into account that my brother was married to his first wife 10 years ago and despite having been close to my mother she got no jewellery either but was left two of my mothers’s watercolor drawings. I feel like my mother left those pieces to me with the intention of eventually passing them on to her granddaughters. Would she have subscribed to the „each child or each daughter plus daughter-in-law has to get a piece of jewellery“ logic she would have left something to my brother or his then-wife in the first place.
My daughters told me the would accept any decision I make but I feel it would be highly unfair to burden them with any involvement in the decision making. The choice is mine to make and I have to live with the consequences. According to my father they are debating to uninvite me from the wedding over this. I stand by my decision but It’s hard.. I was always on good terms with my brother and cordial with his fiancée.. so AITA?
Relevant Comments (OOP had over 100, so this is very narrowed down):
Commenter: OP, she doesn't want to feel closer to her new family, she wants to know that she can push your brother to get her what she wants, even at the expense of his relationship with all of you. It's a game she is playing now, before they get married, so she knows exactly how far she can push you all and what she can get her greedy hands on with a temper tantrum and some threats to exclude you all.
Tell your brother the legacy he received is two watercolor paintings his ex wife has, and he's welcome to chase her down for that if he feels so strongly about it. But your jewelry was a gift your grandmother gave to you, and it is staying with you until you give it to your daughters.
Friend, if you cave to your brother and SIL on this, you'll be handing shit over as long as their marriage lasts. NTA.

OOP: Wow.. thanks for the clarity and direct words. I am starting to feel I was in denial about how bad this really is.
It’s worth mentioning that my brother obviously received his own inheritance as well.
(to another commenter): Also he got a sizable inheritance back then and his wife got two original artworks.. those jewelry pieces are worth approximately $1000 each while my mother’s original artworks are valued $1000-$3000 (she was an illustrator) so the issue is really not me sitting on a $50,000 diamond ring while they received two worthless sketches.

Commenter: Your dad presumably still had items from his wife? He can give one of his treasures to her. You and your sister and your three daughters got one item each. Not up for renegotiation.

OOP: We already offered but she claims it must be jewelry so she can wear it on her wedding day.

Commenter: Since the brother and fiancee seem to want to make the decision, ask them which granddaughter they feel deserves to be deprived of her grandmother's memento, AND how they intend to compensate said daughter for her exclusion from grandmotherly keepsakes. Tell them you cannot in good conscience hand anything over to the fiancee unless they can give a reasonable answer to these questions.

OOP: My husband actually asked them that and their answer was they believe that the twins should share.. which is obviously not going to happen as long as I am here to prevent it.

Commenter: How does the SIL even know about the jewelry?

OOP: I planned to give it to my girls at a family dinner commemorating our mother’s birthday next month and gave everyone a heads up. That’s how she got to know.

Commenter: You have 3 daughters. Your mother left you 3 items. It's pretty self-explanatory. Your mother didn't have to spell it it out for you. She just left them with you for safekeeping. If that wasn't her intention, she would have given them to your dad. Plus your daughters had a personal relationship with your mom (THEIR grandmother).
You got the watch. Your sis got the bracelet. Your daughters get the other 3.

OOP: Thanks.. I feel exactly the same way. I can’t for the life of me see where my brother claims we should have involved him in any discussion concerning who gets what because in my view it’s absolutely clear who gets what. And since she left those things to me, it’s up to me to make the decision. She could’ve left them to anybody else, but she didn’t. What else am I going to do with three pieces when I have three daughters?

Commenter: Tell your brother to stick it. These are for your daughters / her bloodline. This is so entitled and ridiculous.

OOP: I actually don’t care so much about the bloodline thing. If my father were to die tomorrow and each of this children would get some beloved sentimental items I would be really pissed if my husband who is very close to him would not get anything. Plus, I really understand why she wants to have something to feel more connected to her new family, especially since she is estranged to her parents and won’t get anything from them to wear on her wedding day. The problem lies solely in the fact that I don’t have anything to give her without hurting other people. I will not prioritise her feelings above my daughters.

Commenter: Bet you the reason she is estranged from her parents is an eye opener if you ever find it out. Whatever she told you it was is BS.

OOP: I don’t know the reason, but I will admit the thought has crossed my mind. The fact that she is willing to blatantly ignore her nieces’ feelings and that wearing a piece of heirloom jewellery on her wedding day is more important to her than the girls’ connection to their beloved grandmother is a bit concerning to me.

Commenter: If she's trying to feel closer to your family, is there any jewelry that is yours or your sister's that could be given or loaned to her for her wedding day that isn't inherited from your mother?
Your sister and your daughters who actually knew and loved your mother should, of course, take precedence over someone who has only heard about her! NTA and your brother is being absurdly pushy.

OOP: We have now decided to pitch in together to buy something new for her to wear on her wedding day and have as a gift from the family. I hope she will accept this. I could also give her something from me as a loan but I feel buying something specifically for her would probably be better. It’s not that I feel she shouldn’t have anything and I would honestly offer to give her a piece if I had any spare pieces to give.

Commenter: NTA. Your brother is marrying a psycho. She’s never met your mother but is distraught that she can’t wear her dead MIL’s jewelry. You are correct, your mom left the jewelry to you and, as you stated, your mom didn’t even leave your brother’s wife (his ex) jewelry when she passed. Your brother and his fiancée are acting crazy entitled and you need to tell them no and that if they bring it up again you’ll have to excuse yourself from their presence. They are trying to bully you out of your daughters’ heirloom jewelry, their birthrites.

OOP: I can actually see why she would like to have something, we were all very close with mom and keep her memory alive and it’s tricky to enter into such a dynamic years later. I would give her something especially to wear on her wedding day (she is estranged from her parents) if I had anything to give but I can’t take away from my daughters to help her feel better.

Commenter: NTA - the items were left to you. No matter what happens in the future, your daughter's will be your daughter's. The same can't be said for your brothers fiance. That relationship could end, and then the jewelry wouldn't be part of the family anymore. If they were married when your mother passed, maybe I'd consider it, but they haven't tied the knot, so don't give her anything.

OOP: This has been brought up a lot but I feel I can’t in good conscience bring up the fact that their marriage might fail as an argument.

Commenter: NTA if your mom specifically left them to you. Y W B T A if you and your sister decided between yourselves to take all of the nice jewelry without giving any to brother. What about if/when he has daughters?

OOP: He was childless back than with no intention of starting a family and his first wife got an inheritance of her own and so did he. He was completely fine with us deciding what to do with the jewelry as neither him nor his ex wife were interested. The issue only came up with his fiancée recently. Had he voiced his objections ten years ago I would not have spent the last ten years preparing my daughters and the situation would be different. Also legally all items belong to me and I am under no obligation to share or discuss with anyone. I discussed with my sister because it seemed fitting.. again.. he was not interested.

Ask the first wife for paintings?
Asking first wife for her paintings might be an even harder no than the jewelry question honestly.. she received those paintings because she loved our mother and her art and she was a family member in her own right after replacing my mother as my disabled father’s full-time caretaker after my mother fell ill. I am not close to her anymore but I respect her and my mother‘s wishes enough to not hunt her down after seven years for what is legally and rightfully hers.
Update (Same Post): May 22, 2024 (Next Day)
Thank you all for your kind messages and advice, I would never have expected to get so valuable support and inside from strangers on the Internet. Thank you really from the bottom of my heart!
We came together with my brother and his fiancée after I had many of your replies to my husband and my sister. I stated clearly that I will support her in any way possible and that it’s very important for me to welcome home to the family properly but the jewelry is off the table because I believe I am fulfilling my mother’s wishes and I cannot hurt my daughters. I added that I believe that this is not the right way to join a family and that we should strive to resolve this conflict before it creates more tension between my daughters and their uncle and future aunt and also amongst us siblings.
At first, I thought my brother really saw my point and he seemed happy that we offered to pitch together to buy something for his fiancée. Unfortunately she is not willing to accept this. as some of you pointed out, she seems to believe that she ranks right beside my sister and me when it comes to our late mother and supersedes my daughters.. well.
She talked about her rightful place in the family and how she went no contact with her family because they denied her the respect that she deserves and that she will not hesitate to do the same with us. She also talked a lot about the pain of not being able to have any heirloom jewelry for her wedding. And honestly, I believe only a few days ago I would’ve given in presented with her tears but thanks to your kind words I was able to see through her emotional manipulation and really now that I am aware of what she’s doing it is so obvious..
I must say my brother looked very uncomfortable. She then stated that it would be a waste to give the pieces to my daughters since they would just sell them for the money to buy make-up wich is absurd. I ended the conversation at this point stating that I hold firm to my boundary and that they are free to do whatever they feel is the right thing for them.
I am heartbroken and I hope my brother will change his mind. So.. no happy ending but thanks again.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Thats great youve seen her for what shes really doing! Good luck to your brother because the fiancé sure sounds like a peach! Well done for looking out for your baby girls (I know they’re 18 but they’ll always be your babies!)!

OOP: They are capable and wise but they should not bear the consequences of the quarrels of others that they have no part in. And although I am heartbroken by all of this I can firmly feel my mother’s support in this as she put me in charge to protect what belongs to her granddaughters and daughters. Thank you for your support!

In response to a longer comment:

Thanks again.. I appreciate your encouragement. I hope their next move will be one of love and understanding but it’s hard to tell what they will do. While I don’t believe they are considering to physically steal the pieces from me, I have now given the two pieces meant for the younger girls to my mother-in-law for safekeeping at her house until the dust settles. She is obviously livid at the treatment of her granddaughters. The girls felt a lot of pressure from their uncle which is so heartbreaking.. my eldest on the other hand calls her future aunt a grifter and says she will not accept any change of plan to accommodate her so she will receive her piece as planned. She has also been looking forward to wearing it for a long time. I have no words really at this point.. hoping for the best.

​

My (28M) wife (27F) and I have been married for six years, and we have a 5-year-old son. I work as the CFOat my father's company, earning a substantial income, well into the eight figures. My job requires long hours and a high level of commitment. My wife is a stay-at-home mom, a decision we both agreed upon when our son was born.
Lately, my work has been more demanding because of a big project with a tight deadline. For the past three weeks, I've been working late nights and weekends. I know it’s been hard on my wife, but I thought we were managing okay.
Last week, after another late night at the office, I came home to find my wife visibly upset. She told me she feels like a single parent and that our son misses me a lot. She said she’s tired of having dinner alone with him and putting him to bed by herself every night. I tried to explain that this project is temporary and that things will get better soon, but she was too upset to listen.
The next day, she asked if I could reduce my hours or work from home more often. I said I’d see what I could do, but it’s not as simple as it sounds. Despite my high income, we have significant expenses and a lifestyle that relies on my current salary, and I can’t afford to risk my job right now.
Last night, things came to a head. My wife had planned a small family dinner for my birthday, but I got caught up in a last-minute meeting and came home late. When I walked in, she was fuming. She accused me of caring more about my job than about my family. We got into a big fight, with her yelling that she feels like a single parent and me trying to explain that I’m working hard for them and for our future. She didn’t want to hear it and went to bed angry.
The next morning, I woke up to find that she had packed some bags and taken our son to stay with her parents. She left me a note, saying she needed some space and time to think about our relationship. She said she loves me but can’t continue feeling like a single parent while I’m constantly at work. Adding to the strain, my wife is seven months pregnant with our daughter.
This situation is really weighing on me. I love my wife and son more than anything, and it hurts to see them unhappy. I try to make up for lost time by spending quality moments with them whenever I can, but I know it’s not enough. My wife feels like she’s raising our son alone, and I can see how exhausted she is. It’s not fair to her, and it’s not fair to our son, who misses having his dad around.
However, my wife also loves the luxury lifestyle my job provides. We live in a beautiful home, drive luxury cars, and enjoy vacations that many people can only dream of. She’s always told me how much she appreciates these things and doesn’t want that to change.
I’ve thought about ways to find a better balance, like delegating more tasks at work or setting stricter boundaries for myself. I feel caught between my commitment to my job and my commitment to my family.
Honestly, I don’t regret the choices I’ve made to support my family financially. I believe the sacrifices I’m making are necessary to maintain our lifestyle and secure our future. My wife’s current dissatisfaction feels like a temporary hurdle, and I’m confident we can work through it without drastically changing the way we live.
With the recent tension and her leaving, I’ve started to wonder if our values are too different and if this might lead to divorce. It’s a tough thought, especially with our second child on the way, but I’m beginning to think it might be the only way to find some peace and balance in our lives.
AITA for working too much and causing my pregnant wife and son to stay with her parents?

Okay so my 2 year old(almost 3) male tuxedo cat Gatsby has been my best friend since we brought him home when he was about 3 weeks old. I got him when I was entering my junior year of high school and for two and a half years I had never spent more than 4 days away from him at a time. When planning for college I knew I wasn’t going to be able to bring him with me so I picked a school that was only an hour or so away so I could come and visit him in edition to my family.
When I first started coming back I noticed he was colder but I expected it to an extent, but eventually it would melt away and he’d come hop in the bed with me at night. This pattern kept up through my visits during the 1st semester and through my month long winter break.
However, when second semester rolled around things started to change, I wasn’t able to come visit as frequently and I’ve noticed that Gatsby has gotten progressively more irritable towards me. But even then he still would come and lay with me most of the time. I took a larger gap in between my last visit home and the end of my semester because I was falling behind on finals. When I came back finally, Gatsby wanted nothing to do with me at all. I thought I’d give it the weekend so he could settle and get used to my presence again but I’ve been home for almost a month now and nothing has changed. No matter how many treats I give him or attempts I make to play with or pet him he swats away my hand or aggressively attacks my feet, things that he never would have done to me before I went away.
How do I make him love me again? it’s genuinely eating away at me watching him be so extremely loving towards my mom who works from home who doesn’t even like him in the first place when it feels like I’m pouring my heart into a friendship with a cat who couldn’t care less.

I, 35 female, had been in an on again off again relationship with my boyfriend, 45 male, for the last 3 years. I won't bore you with the details of how we met and what went on for the last 3 years of our relationship, I'm just going to get to the point.
Back in late September 2023, my boyfriend moved to Iowa. We had just gotten back together when he sprung that on me and I was rather upset at first but knew that he was only moving because it was for his mental health. Living in the big city can be very costly and stressful, so I understood his reasoning. I did not go with him and figured we would go our separate ways. Fast forward four months later and I get a message from him through Facebook messenger asking me to call him. I call him and learned rather quickly that he had been drinking but he was asking why I suddenly ghosted him by not replying back to his texts or calls. For context, I never blocked his number.
I told him that I did not get any of his texts or calls. He asked me why I never tried reaching out to him and I explained that I thought him moving away and not staying in contact meant the end of our relationship. We had a lengthy conversation that night and he asked me to come visit him. I told him that I will consider it but would need to build up some PTO as I had just started a new job and didn't want to risk anything during my first 90 days. We stayed in touch after that, calling each other daily and talking on the phone for hours just catching up and going over mutual interests and so on until I've built up enough PTO to go visit him.
You may wonder why I was the one to go visit him in Iowa. Firstly, he wanted me to see the town he had decided to settle in. Secondly, we had discussed resuming our relationship and possibly having me move out there as it was out of the question for him to move back to the city where I live. I understood his reasoning for moving but felt that leaving the life I have behind for him felt a bit extreme. But I kept an open mind about Iowa and went to visit (side note, there are no direct flights to where he moved to. I had to fly to Chicago, which is a 2.5 hour drive away and he had to rent a car to pick me up). I spent a four day weekend with him, and I'm not going to lie and say that it was magical and romantic because it's Iowa. Seeing him again, however, brought back all the feelings I had for him and I realized just how much I had missed him.
I honestly didn't see much during my visit as it wasn't a dense town like I would see back home, as everything was very spread out. That should have been my very first clue to the kind of life it was like. It was very quiet and peaceful, which was a change. Unlike the city where it was always busy and sirens going off in the distance was a constant, at night it's dead silent. It was definitely a change in pace and I was more or less charmed, but not impressed. My weekend visit was over before we knew it and I returned home back to the life I was most comfortable with.
My boyfriend and I resumed our daily phone calls, but I noticed our conversations began to shift towards me moving out to Iowa. And in truth I was swayed by the idea of leaving the big city for small town life, however, my biggest hesitation was job security. I work in the medical field and finding a job with my skill-sets wasn't a huge challenge aside from the lack of urgency of callbacks from the jobs I had applied to. My boyfriend reassured me that it was just how things were in Iowa, that unlike the city, the businesses moved through a system that was much slower than what I was used to. I had my doubts but then again I didn't know much about the hiring process in the mid-west. My boyfriend then said it would probably go a lot faster if I was actually in the area (which I was skeptical about but didn't comment). I knew he just wanted me there with him and, at that time, I wanted to be with him because I had truly believed that we had talked through our past issues and were now on the same wavelength of what we wanted as a couple moving forward.
Boy was I in for a rude awakening.
I literally packed up my life into my SUV. I didn't take any furniture with me knowing that what my boyfriend lacked we could always buy. It took me 3 days of driving to reach Iowa and I had never thought I'd be so happy to be in Iowa or all places, but I was. I was blinded by hopes and dreams of a happy life with the man I thought I was in love with. I should mention that I have been saving money for a down payment on a house for the last 5 years and have managed to save $20k. It has been a personal goal, not dream, for myself to be a homeowner, not because I want that white picket fence dream, but because I simply want a home that is truly MY home. I want a safe space that truly feels mine and have it reflect the type of person that I am, instead of apartments where I would have to return the space to the manufactured setting once I leave.
Now, the housing market in Iowa is relatively cheap compared to Washington. And when I saw the cheap listings, cheap as in less than $200k for a 3 bedroom 2 bath, move-in ready house I was ready to commit my new life in Iowa with my boyfriend. At first, my boyfriend was very supportive of my house hunting, he knew that it was personal goal of mine and had always said how he admired my ambition to become a home owner. I got in touch with a realtor agent who collaborated with me on what my boyfriend and I were looking for in a home. I probably saw about a dozen houses within my first 2 weeks since arriving to Iowa and I actually found a house that we both really liked. I was ready to put in an offer when my boyfriend suddenly told me that he didn't want to become a home owner, saying that it was too much of a commitment that he never wants to make.
It gave me pause, and though I was very disappointed in having to put aside a goal I made for myself, I half-heartedly agreed. It was then things started to unravel between us and his mood just quickly declined. I should note that my boyfriend has diagnosed PTSD from childhood trauma and he has a tendency to become anxious and agitated when stressed out. The days that followed I had noticed a shift in him and because he works from home, I just assumed it was because his work was stressing him out.
I tried to be a good girlfriend by staying out of his way while he was working and try to be as quiet as possible while at home. I would try to help out with small things like letting the dogs out to relieve themselves and take them on short walks. I tried to be mindful to not make a mess. Along with my boyfriend's anxiety and mental health struggles he also has OCD, and while back in Seattle I had noticed he liked to keep a clean home, out in Iowa it had become abundantly clear that the smallest mess would upset him.
His bad mood only worsened. One day, while he was folding laundry, I asked him if there was anything he'd like me to do around the house because I wanted to be helpful. He said "If you see a mess, clean it." That came off as truly strange to me.
"Do you want me to vacuum or clean the bathrooms?" I asked.
He looked at me like what I had asked was the dumbest question he had ever heard and snapped at me with: "If you see a mess, clean it. You're not 12 years old, you're not being paid an allowance to do simple chores. You're an adult, you should already know what to do."
What he said embarrassed me and made me feel so small and inferior, but it also truly angered me. Where was all this hostility suddenly coming from? I didn't want to start a fight over chores and simply helped him fold the laundry. We eventually had a talk, which turned into him going on a tangent about how he requires to keep a clean and sterile house, that "everything has its place" in the house. He then went on about not wanting the commitment of home ownership and that he has no intentions of ever returning to Seattle. He told me how all my stuff cluttering the bedroom and office is taking a toll on his mental health and that it's my job to make sure that they're all put away so he doesn't have to see them (mind you, I was still unpacking and with limited storage space the rest of my belongings are still packed away).
Then he suggested something that blindsided me. He suggested that I possibly look for my own place so that we live separately and slowly integrate into each other's lives again. It was then that I took account of all the red flags that had sprung up from before I foolishly packed up my life to be with this man that I suddenly no longer loved. It was as if a switch in me had been flipped and all those feelings of affection just left my system. I told him that what he was proposing wasn't possible because I was struggling to find employment and didn't want to waste my savings on a brand new lease, especially since I was just added onto his lease.
I tried to find a middle ground with him, especially when it came to my personal belongings. I knew that he was talking about my makeup being out on the counter. Mind you, my second day in Iowa, we had gone to Costco where I found a makeup organizer and purchased it. All my makeup fits neatly in it and isn't scattered all over the place, he just doesn't like seeing them. That still wasn't good enough for him but I had to point it out to him by saying "I live here, too. It's only fair that I should feel like this is my home."
After that, the tension between us only got worse. He would have angry outbursts over the smallest inconveniences and prioritize more on his "mental and physical health" than work on our rapidly deteriorating relationship. I'm also at fault for not trying harder to talk things out but after he suggested I find my own place I subconsciously knew our relationship was over, on top of that, I was also emotionally drained and feeling depressed.
Now moving to the present, I had finally secured a job that would be opening a clinic nearby, meaning I wouldn't have to waste gas as much and would finally be able to contribute financially to the household. When I told my boyfriend the news it was received with a rather lackluster response but I still held out hope that once I start working and be out of the house more things might mellow out. Then, over the weekend, everything fell apart.
I had woken up early because the dogs needed to go outside. I knew my boyfriend wasn't getting much sleep lately so I let him sleep in as much as possible. Once the dogs had finished relieving themselves I had the intention of going back to bed to get another hour or so of sleep but the dogs came in to disrupt that plan. My boyfriend didn't like that and got up explosively, cursing and yelling as he stomped downstairs about how he couldn't get any sleep. I go downstairs to tell him that he can go back to bed, that I forgot to feed the dogs after letting them outside and that I would take care of it. He yells at me that he would do it since he's up and then goes on a rant about how his life was disrupted ever since I arrived. Let me remind you that he wanted me there in the first place.
He blamed me for the poor sleep he's been having ever since I arrived (there is also 3 dogs sleeping in the bed with us). He blamed me for his financial woes (he took care of the bills until I found a job). He blamed me for the hit to his credit score (I took a hit as well because we were getting pre-approval for a home loan before he said he didn't want to move forward with it). Blamed me for the decline in his mental and physical health (he vapes throughout the day and his vices are scotch and ice cream). And he blamed me for his inability to focus on drawing his comic series because of his mental health decline (he's a decent artist but I can't take credit for his creative block).
While he listed off all the things I am to be blamed for and how he had made so many compromises for me I reflected back on my surprisingly short time here (3 weeks, nearing 4), I was the one who made all the compromises. I was the one who made the bigger sacrifice. I traveled half-way across the country for a man who will never make my happiness a priority. From the start of our relationship 3 years ago to now, I was the only one who had to make sacrifices just to pacify this giant man-child.
He brought up me finding my own place again and I told him that if I have to move out then I'm returning to Seattle. He didn't fight me on that but the downside is that I have to wait for my parents, who had planned to drive out this way in June from Seattle, to visit friends in Chicago. They've been made aware of the situation and will be driving out in my step-dad's pickup truck to haul back all of my belongings and we would leave together in both my step-dad;s truck and my SUV. I had emailed the hiring manager I had gone through my interview process with, letting her know that I unfortunately will be returning to Seattle due to personal circumstances.
In the meantime I have begun submitting my resume to clinics and hospitals back in Seattle and already have several interviews set up (much faster turn-around than Iowa) and hopefully soon I will have secured a job before my return home.

[Walking sounds]
[Pouting] Mmm ... neither izuku nor ochako wanted me….. am I really that creepy like people always told me…. I try so hard, but they're more interested in each other…..
[Notices listener]
Well, who is this adorable cutie we have right here~ Maybe they'd be more interested in a girl like me I can tell just by looking at em~.
[Sneaking footsteps] I should plan carefully and once I can get the chance, I'll kidnap them and make them fall madly in love with me [laughing].
This conveniently placed bat shall do just nicely~ they're such a cutie. I really hope there quirkless it'll make it so much easier to break~.
[sneak up and bonk noise as voice fades out]
You should really watch your blind spot, my new toy~ it'll lead to some bad things [start laughing]
[Some time passes and a voice starts fading in]
There they are~ you have such beautiful eyes~ I'll let you keep them because I'd still like you to see me at least~.
[Listener struggles in the chains they're tied in.]
Oh, no need to panic. I'm not gonna hurt ya~ [Flirty] unless that's EXACTLY the kinda thing you enjoy, then I can hurt you all I want~.
[chains rattle more as listener panic]
[Laughs evilly] Oh calm down, I'm not gonna do anything like that. I just love you too much to ever hurt you like unless needed.
Oh~ seems that got your attention you heard correctly. I love you! Obsessed even! You're the cutest thing I've seen since izuku and ochako but….. they didn't have any interest in me it hurt….. finally realizing the truth.
[Happy] but that's when I saw you. I pledged to myself that nothing was gonna stop me this time from getting the one I love, so I kidnapped you!
I know you're quirkless. I tasted your blood myself. It was so exotic, the blood of a normal human~.
[Getting close to the listener speaking creepily, so are you gonna be my good little pet and love me, or do I need to break your innocent little mind first and make you love me? ~.
[laughing] you're still fighting against me, excellent choice! Breaking you it is! [Laughing more]
[Pull the listener even closer to you and there's a click sound]
There we go a perfect collar for my new pet~.
[Flirty Whispering in listener's ear] I'm gonna make you very obedient by the time I'm finished.
[Bite or lick listener] you taste sooooo amazing, almost better than your blood [Start kissing] just give in to my love, stop resisting.
I can see it on your face you want to admit but won't~ look into my eyes and you'll see how much I love you~.
[Happy] that's it you see it now don't you now let me hear those words~
[annoyed] man…. Why are you so stubborn? Fine, you asked for this but I was playing nice before but now to really break you~.
[Start kissing the listener over and over for as long as you want]
Mmmwah~ so how are you feeling now my pet~ anything you wanna say to me~?
[laughing] Yes yes! It worked. You finally said that you loved me! Plenty of kisses from a cute girl will always be enough to break cuties~.
Now that you see you're obeying me, let's see if it's not just an act. [Unlock the chains]
Good, you didn't try to attack or run from me~ let's get outta here. How about we try going on our first date?
Take my hand! I want people to see we love each other! Maybe we'll even run into izuku and ochako and they'll get jealous seeing us and regret rejecting me!
Oh hun, don't say that, of course. I love you, but making my old crushes jealous will be such a rush! It's not like we'll see them, anyway. Now come I have the perfect place for our date~.
[Walking together]
Hurry along now you're going too slow~ I know you hate being walked on a leash in public but you'll learn to love it just like you learned to love me~.
[yank the collar a bit and speak sternly] I said hurry up….. now we should be pretty close, just right around this corner.
Tada!! What do you think it's the UA training grounds~
Oh, don't look so scared. I choose this place because it will be much more exciting! Will we get caught? Won't we? The rush is exhilarating!
[Walk together in the forest for a while]
This place is actually where I first met izuku and ochako but I'm not gonna bother you with that now come here to me~
[Flirty] I want to see how your kisses feel~ show me how obsessed you are now~ [start making out with listener]
[Speaking between kisses] Mmff… you're amazing. I know you never kissed anyway before~ I'm glad to be your first~
Mmwah~ awww look how red you are~ all that delicious blood all in your face now [lick listener] mmmm~ let me have a taste of it~ pleeeeease~
[Laughing] goooood pet~ let me see your hand~ [lightly cut listener's hand and start sucking on it tasting their blood] hmmmmm~
Oh~ you like it~ seems you're a cute little freak yourself it seem I love it~
[Wrap their hand up] There wrapped up for later~ like fresh meat I mike to put it~
[Sighs a bit] Hey can I ask you something real quick? I know i….. broke or at least tried so admit to me~ how do you really feel?
[Gasp] that's how you really feel! [thrilled and start laughing] I love you. Love You!! I finally have the lover I always needed!
[start kissing them all over their face, claiming how much you love them, then they're interrupted by a noise]
We should go! [Rush out of the forest and sometime you're back home cuddling in bed]
I'm so tired after all that….. if it's ok I won't be around tomorrow. Got some villain stuff to take of tomorrow.
[Kiss and lick their neck a bit] but I promise once in done I'm gonna shower you in as much love as I can~
[End]

[Walking sounds]
[Pouting] Mmm ... neither izuku nor ochako wanted me….. am I really that creepy like people always told me…. I try so hard, but they're more interested in each other…..
[Notices listener]
Well, who is this adorable cutie we have right here~ Maybe they'd be more interested in a girl like me I can tell just by looking at em~.
[Sneaking footsteps] I should plan carefully and once I can get the chance, I'll kidnap them and make them fall madly in love with me [laughing].
This conveniently placed bat shall do just nicely~ they're such a cutie. I really hope there quirkless it'll make it so much easier to break~.
[sneak up and bonk noise as voice fades out]
You should really watch your blind spot, my new toy~ it'll lead to some bad things [start laughing]
[Some time passes and a voice starts fading in]
There they are~ you have such beautiful eyes~ I'll let you keep them because I'd still like you to see me at least~.
[Listener struggles in the chains they're tied in.]
Oh, no need to panic. I'm not gonna hurt ya~ [Flirty] unless that's EXACTLY the kinda thing you enjoy, then I can hurt you all I want~.
[chains rattle more as listener panic]
[Laughs evilly] Oh calm down, I'm not gonna do anything like that. I just love you too much to ever hurt you like unless needed.
Oh~ seems that got your attention you heard correctly. I love you! Obsessed even! You're the cutest thing I've seen since izuku and ochako but….. they didn't have any interest in me it hurt….. finally realizing the truth.
[Happy] but that's when I saw you. I pledged to myself that nothing was gonna stop me this time from getting the one I love, so I kidnapped you!
I know you're quirkless. I tasted your blood myself. It was so exotic, the blood of a normal human~.
[Getting close to the listener speaking creepily, so are you gonna be my good little pet and love me, or do I need to break your innocent little mind first and make you love me? ~.
[laughing] you're still fighting against me, excellent choice! Breaking you it is! [Laughing more]
[Pull the listener even closer to you and there's a click sound]
There we go a perfect collar for my new pet~.
[Flirty Whispering in listener's ear] I'm gonna make you very obedient by the time I'm finished.
[Bite or lick listener] you taste sooooo amazing, almost better than your blood [Start kissing] just give in to my love, stop resisting.
I can see it on your face you want to admit but won't~ look into my eyes and you'll see how much I love you~.
[Happy] that's it you see it now don't you now let me hear those words~
[annoyed] man…. Why are you so stubborn? Fine, you asked for this but I was playing nice before but now to really break you~.
[Start kissing the listener over and over for as long as you want]
Mmmwah~ so how are you feeling now my pet~ anything you wanna say to me~?
[laughing] Yes yes! It worked. You finally said that you loved me! Plenty of kisses from a cute girl will always be enough to break cuties~.
Now that you see you're obeying me, let's see if it's not just an act. [Unlock the chains]
Good, you didn't try to attack or run from me~ let's get outta here. How about we try going on our first date?
Take my hand! I want people to see we love each other! Maybe we'll even run into izuku and ochako and they'll get jealous seeing us and regret rejecting me!
Oh hun, don't say that, of course. I love you, but making my old crushes jealous will be such a rush! It's not like we'll see them, anyway. Now come I have the perfect place for our date~.
[Walking together]
Hurry along now you're going too slow~ I know you hate being walked on a leash in public but you'll learn to love it just like you learned to love me~.
[yank the collar a bit and speak sternly] I said hurry up….. now we should be pretty close, just right around this corner.
Tada!! What do you think it's the UA training grounds~
Oh, don't look so scared. I choose this place because it will be much more exciting! Will we get caught? Won't we? The rush is exhilarating!
[Walk together in the forest for a while]
This place is actually where I first met izuku and ochako but I'm not gonna bother you with that now come here to me~
[Flirty] I want to see how your kisses feel~ show me how obsessed you are now~ [start making out with listener]
[Speaking between kisses] Mmff… you're amazing. I know you never kissed anyway before~ I'm glad to be your first~
Mmwah~ awww look how red you are~ all that delicious blood all in your face now [lick listener] mmmm~ let me have a taste of it~ pleeeeease~
[Laughing] goooood pet~ let me see your hand~ [lightly cut listener's hand and start sucking on it tasting their blood] hmmmmm~
Oh~ you like it~ seems you're a cute little freak yourself it seem I love it~
[Wrap their hand up] There wrapped up for later~ like fresh meat I mike to put it~
[Sighs a bit] Hey can I ask you something real quick? I know i….. broke or at least tried so admit to me~ how do you really feel?
[Gasp] that's how you really feel! [thrilled and start laughing] I love you. Love You!! I finally have the lover I always needed!
[start kissing them all over their face, claiming how much you love them, then they're interrupted by a noise]
We should go! [Rush out of the forest and sometime you're back home cuddling in bed]
I'm so tired after all that….. if it's ok I won't be around tomorrow. Got some villain stuff to take of tomorrow.
[Kiss and lick their neck a bit] but I promise once in done I'm gonna shower you in as much love as I can~
[End]

Was traveling from the airport to home in Hyderabad yesterday. The driver was speaking on the phone with his wife and spoke in a language I did not understand. I asked him what language it is, he said it was Lambadi, and he is ST. (I did not ask him anything other than the language details).
The conversation was slow, as the drive was over an hour, so nothing forced, lots of meaningful pauses in between. I later asked if he voted this year and he said he did. I asked if he doesn't mind telling me who he voted for, he said he won't mind and said that he voted for BJP. A little bit later I asked him why he voted for BJP, he said that there were many things like Modi built Ram Mandir, got the Kashmir thing resolved, and was tough against China. I had a confused face when he said China, so he confirmed that Modi got an app banned belonging to China.
A few minutes later, I asked him where he got his news from. Apparently, from social media, and TV news which repeats the same set of information over and over. I said, I have a family (who were in the cab with me), and I worry about things like education, health, infrastructure and leaving a better India for them, so in that case BJP did not deliver for me. His response was that those things will take care of themselves, but Modi did things for the country and he's proud about it. I brought up things like the covid issue and how it was handled. Apparently the actor Chiranjeevi donated a lot of oxygen during the crisis. I asked him if oxygen, and health should be the government's job as every 100 rupees we earn, 30 is taken away for tax, that should've been put to use.
He apparently did not know about Draupadi Murmu, our president who is from SC/ST. I told him that she wasn't invited to the Ram Mandir event. I think he got disappointed with that as then he said that all politicians have to bring politics in between and not worry about the people. He also said that he voted for Congress in the state election because apparently KCR was good in his first term, but got very arrogant in his second term.
Overall, it was a respectful discussion. I did not get the pushback about Congress at the centre and I told him that there are no great leaders but voting should be for the people. He also knew about climate change with the Dubai flooding and heatwaves but not the whole phenomenon as to why it is happening. The thing about voting is that it is mostly a collective decision within societies and cliques and once the support turns, the mood changes within the community and they vote together.
I wish I had this discussion earlier before he voted, and I hope that the driver will look at things differently. With friends and family, this type of discussion would end up in shouting lol.

I want to start by saying that i enjoyed here, i enjoyed all the little things to get here. I've been playing since the boss was yagluth. I have 351 hrs (i know it's not much) but just in case ppl think i speed trough this and then complained ahha.
Now first with the good things:>! I LOVED the entire aesthetic, the music, the new items , the new food and materials that ashland brought, i loved the introduction to ashlands that was literally very fucking scary ,the new customization of weapons with elements, not only for how variated it makes the gameplay but how cool it looks as exhibition pieces. THE NEW MONSTERS WERE AMAZINGLY COOL, from their mechanics to their designs, they were so scary and unsettling, the story was so chilling and had me hyped to search for the next rune (also pls make this spanw maybe close to strategic points i had to lose myself in a few islands to find them all) . I LOVE how now the differnet stars in monsters look very different than i remember, idk if the colors were brightened or they shine more but i was way easier to identify troublesome mobs this time. Loved the addition of the grapes as a new food source to plant at home, not only because it looked amazing but because it was a cool thing to have a passive farming part of your home.!<
>! Also idk if this was just me being so dumb but i didn't notice on my first or second playtrough that there were things hidden under the thrones or between the walls of some towers, i foudn that SO FUN!i had fun destroying the draugr homes to see what they had to offer, also use it as a settlement was so good too, made us understood a lot on how to make bigger and bigger houses (im not as talented as the people posting marvels in this forum). Also i liked the way that scrap piles were more easily destroyed this time around, it really makes the swamp not as tedious as before.!<
i suppose i must continue with the downsides, this time around i had issues with the music, , though it's not much really i still enjoyed myself through and through. First of all i feel the cultists are still somehow randomly placed there, i wish perhaps the caves gave more or straight up they had the eggs so i had more incentive to go raid them.i kept getting like 2 or 3 songs overlapping at times? it was so distracting X_X mostly happened in plains and ashlands.The quest of the clothing seller was interesting but honestly i was expecting better rewards at the end, but i LOVED LVOED LOVED!!!! the sealed tower raid. SOOO FUN, also the merchant didn't have anything interesting and i had so much money by the end of the game i amde a secret pile of money behind my staircase....Some items like the staff of fracturing and the dundr were interesting but not really that useful in the end with a few exceptions ( love exploding morgens) and you could say that yeah that's the point you have to have all the options but it feels a bit disappointing when you start cooking up numbers. I think the Dundr is the weapon i loved the most but i wish i had something extra, perhaps an armor to go with that hexmagic route that allows you to reload faster or reload while running so you can get close, shot and run and then use the staff of protection and so. I would happily give away the usage of all of the other staffs for such a combination and the either regen. In the end my partner who played with a meele warrior did way more than me with magic and that did not feel such a way during mistland and i don't know if it was my fault or what, but it felt more balanced on mistlands than ashland for some reason. The flametal ores... God that was so annoying to farm and then they give you all of it mostly in castles so it feels a bit unnecessary? I would much more prefer to siege the fortress for the material than having to fend off charred assholes throwing rocks at me that make me fall to the lava. Not to mention the spawn of things was a bit insane, sometimes there was no creatures for several minutes then we turned around and bam 3 morgens 2 green dogs (i forgot their names) of 1 star following us and a bunch of marksman coming from the lava. It was overwhelming at times.
Quality of life => please have tabs for the different recipes/types of recipes or at least organize them from newest to oldest because having to search for it one by one it's quite annoying when you are in a hurry to get back to battle. X_X
And this is mostly cosmetic issues but i feel the red robes are way cooler than the blue of ashlands?, but i do love the black void with the red eyes , maybe there should be an item that the clothing seller than give me as a final quest for her chests that gives me the possibility to transmog so i chose what i am wearing ? but keeps my stats??. That green cape was horrendous too i didn't feel powerful at all QWQ. The jutes, please for the love of god let me make red jute things like the blue ones and vice versa and maybe let me die threads to make more and maybe different colors?, banners get a bit repetitive after a while. But this is a nothing burger honestly i just really had SOOO much fun with the ashwood decorations i usually hate decorating and building in games but this time OH GOD i went crazy and i had so much fun <3 . Also many items are not able to be exhibited like the bloodstones,jade and even metals i feel it would be cute if we could do that since i could make a metal ore and refined metal exhibition to decorate the forge.On that same note please make the item stands a bit tintier like the ones that go into the table because some items like the circlet or knives look so weird with the big slav of wood behind. same with some items just lying flat like the seal or the swamp key , maybe give the option for them to stand up?. And as a last request that again is literally non relevant PLEASE GIVE US FLOWERS or decorative plants, hedges and bushes. i would kill to have such a thing in game. PLEASE LET US PLANT BERRY BUSHES AS WELL ! i dont care if they take forever to spawn berries but please it's being so annoying since day 1. Also i loved the pots, can we please find a way to paint them or add flowers to them???
Also one question will you keep teasing us with those underwater stairs in the swamp?...please i want to dive....aaaa
Anyway it was just a random rant a smy first post here. Istill 100% love and recommend the game 10/10 would start again when the next biome comes home. Amazing job as always team i love this game <3
red + black feathers COOL
please i just want to have collectibles...
Pls valehim let me put the spice rack in here i need it for magic/witch reasons
Also please let me sleep in the same bed as my husband, how are we supposed to honor odin if we dont give him a son lmao.
pls let me paint the pots PLEASE
my attempt to put flowers outside lmao
I wish the Jute was red on the top as well QWQ!

Just had my bilateral salpingectomy today! I saw Dr. Charlotte Pickens in La Jolla, CA btw. It was an amazing experience y'all! Much easier than I anticipated! Buckle up, it's a long one, and very detailed! But all positive for the most part LOL
I'm 34 and have never EVER had surgery aside from getting my wisdom teeth out at 16, and a colonoscopy at 24. Never even broken a bone or gotten stitches, nothing. I have a lot of medical anxiety, I was tripping out the most over sleep paralysis despite anesthesia LOL Wasn't even nervous about the actual surgery, just didn't wanna wake up during it and be mentally scarred for life 🤣 Saw a few scary stories on TV once about that phenomenon.
The office gave me Hibiclens at my consult appt to take home & scrub my abdomen with the last 3 showers leading up surgery. Yesterday morning, yesterday evening, and this morning. No deodorant, lotions, perfumes, nail polish or jewelry after my shower this morning.
I was NPO after midnight last night. They instructed me to drink an ensure between 9pm-11pm last night since my surgery was in the afternoon. I also took half an Ativan last night at 9pm to make sure I slept and didn't have anxiety insomnia lol They also instructed me to take my heart arrythmia pill this morning right upon wakening with a tiny sip of water. I had an echocardiogram a week ago, so yes, I got cardiac clearance lol I also had a pre-op transvaginal ultrasound and blood work 2 weeks ago.
When I got there, they called me back to the pre-op room. I got weighed, asked for my height, and had to pee in a cup first thing. They then had me change into my gown, skiddy socks & hair net. They gave me 2 Tylenol 500mg & a Celebrex (200mg - for preventative nerve pain) with a tiny sip of water. Then they took my BP/pulse ox, and started my IV in my left hand, and started fluids and some Ativan. They also put on the leg compression things, man they feel great lol They got me heated blankets, and even had a lil pack of lavender smelly stuff they taped to the top left of my paper gown for relaxation 😊
All the staff came in and introduced themselves while in pre-op, from the surgeon herself, to the anesthesia team, to the OR scrub nurses, to the surgical resident that'd be observing (with my permission of course.) They also asked if they had permission to let the surgical resident practice a pelvic exam on me while under anesthesia, I agreed. I've been employed in healthcare myself for 17 years, so anything to help with someone's education! I could've refused if I wanted, but I really appreciated them asking beforehand.
They then wheeled me back to the OR, and I was feeling goooood with the Ativan lol They also pushed a lil GI cocktail too before they gave me the gas. I had to scoot myself from my original pre-op bed to the OR table, which was easy, they leveled the beds together and helped me. They then masked me with the gas, and I was outttt like a light after about 4-5 deeeeep inhales!!!
I woke up in post-op an hour and a half later. Went in at 12 noon, woke up at 1:30pm, all done! They intubated me after falling asleep, and pulled it out before waking up, it's like nothing ever happened! No soreness, hoarseness or coughing. I'm clearing my throat occasionally here and there 7 hours later, just kinda feels like when you get "bubbles" (post-nadal drip basically lol) in your throat with seasonal allergies. Not often enough to cause soreness which is great, waaaay better then what I anticipated after reading about other people's experiences on here. They cathed me too since they gave me fluids, thankfully after I was out, and removed it before I woke up, so it hurts to pee just a little bit, not even as bad a UTI 🤣 Like, a 4 on a scale of 1-10.
They gave me ice chips & apple juice straight upon awakening too, which was great! I had no nausea at all, still don't hours later. I rested for about 30 mins, then they brought back my ride to hang out with me and go over discharge instructions. I got up to go pee, and then they wheeled me outside to the car, and even opened the door & helped me get in!! They have $5 valet services for 0-3 hours parking, so the car was pulled right up to the curb right outside the front doors!
We drove straight to IHOP afterwards. I took it easy with some Belgian waffles & a few strips of bacon, and a mango iced tea, and a few sips of my ride's cinnamon milkshake lol I then stopped by Walgreens to grab a few house things I forgot to pick up last night, my ride helped & carried everything 😊
The ride home was smooth, I didn't have any discomfort from the shitty ass bumpy roads on our 30 min drive home lol I did bring a squishmallow to put between my belly and the seat belt, which was a genius idea I picked up on here!
BTW, I'm an occasional recreational cannabis user. I was honest and disclosed my use to my anesthesiologist only (VERY IMPORTANT), I didn't want that ICD-10 diagnosis use code going to Tricare from my consult appt ahead of surgery & prior authorization for obvious reasons lol. I quit edibles 2 months ago, and vaping 1 month ago. My anesthesiologist said I would've been fine discontinuing use just 5-7 days prior to surgery (no ibuprofen 7 days before either lol), but I did a month + to be safe, I'm a bit on the heavier side, and I've heard edibles stick around in your system (fat lol) much longer than just smoking/vaping, so I wanted to be super certain that I'd be clear and not fuck up anesthesia for myself. For reference, I'm 5'6", 180lbs. I took 3-4 puffs of a vape 4-5 days a week, and 10mg worth of edibles once almost every weekend for a few months straight, so not a super heavy user.
I hope my experience can help others make the decision to take the plunge too before election day lol I called to set up the consult appt back in December, had the actual consult appt in February, and first available surgery was today, late May.
I am a generally super anxious person by nature, and had my bestie/coworker take me to my very first surgery. My family is 3k miles away on the east Coast and couldn't be here, so if my anxious ass can do it, literally anybody can do it! I literally have nobody out here but my bestie, no family, no nothing. My soon to be ex husband is on deployment right now out in the Pacific, and is unreachable at the moment, and frankly doesn't give a shit. He knows I had surgery today too, and I KNOW he won't call or email out of common human decency to at least ask how it went when he does get back in service/port. He asked for a divorce a week after my consult appt, which happened to be 2 weeks before deployment, how convenient, after saying straight to my face before & after the appt that he totally supported my choice, and was looking forward to the DINK lifestyle with me. Oh well.
Y'all are 💯 when you say men aren't ~truly~ childfree unless they've had a vasectomy, or atleast got one scheduled on the books soon lol My conservative family back on the east coast are losing their shit over this, they're all christofacist trump bootlickers, I'm so glad I got to move away from all that and experience personal freedom/a different & better way of life out here. I'm so thankful to be in a position financially & geographically to have been able to take care of this. My GYN back home wouldn't even put an IUD in me at 29yrs old cause I never had kid before, so my cervix wasn't soft enough 🙄 Whatever bitch, I left and got spayed in Cali at 34 with no pushback from my Drs out here, kiss my grits lol
Thanks for coming to my hippie TED talk, hope this helps others! ♥️

I'll start this story off by saying that I may not have known this person for very long on a deep and emotional level for very long, and she didn't reveal herself to me very much until we began to at least try and function like friends, but when she did I couldn't quite get enough of it. The story starts a little ways back when I was trying to get over my feelings for my first girlfriend (it happened unrelated to the following events) and my now ex-girlfriend (let's call her Becky) was trying to get one of our peers to leave her alone because we thought he was a little creepy.
At this time, Becky and I are completely unable to stand being around each other for longer than thirty seconds. We fight like siblings. The best and only possible solution is to begin fake dating. Yay, we're a romcom minus the "rom" part (I can't help but laugh as I remember this). Whenever we were talking about the terms of the fake dating act we discussed how we would play along and did all sorts of things to make the act seem real even at close inspection. I made it completely clear to her at the beginning of our "relationship" that there was a 90% chance that I caught legitimate feelings, and I fought those off for a while because I remembered the mission of the fake relationship was to make first girlfriend jealous.
Well, even a friendship with the first girlfriend wasn't possible after I got upset one night about her new boyfriend and said some things that I shouldn't have. This isn't an AITA post though, so big skip. When I was dealing with the fallout of having lost friends and feeling angsty and frustrated Becky was the for me for some reason, even though we still fought with each other when nobody was looking and gagged at the idea of touching one another, even worse, acting like we were in love. I had told her the entire story of what had happened and she still thought I was a safe person to be in proximity to. She was also very gentle with me after that.
Some things happened and I slowly started to realize I wanted to know Becky far more than I did before. She was gentle with me and knew what to say and how to say it while making sure my head was secured to my shoulders. I did it. I formed legitimate feelings. I called Becky a few nights later to tell her how I was feeling. I wasn't really expecting her to want to go on a date with me, I just really wanted her to be aware of my thoughts and feelings, for my worst fear was turning into the peer that she was trying to avoid, but I would be worse because I could act on the romantic feelings within reason.
She told me she needed to have a little time to think about things and talk to her friends about how she was feeling. A couple of hours later she texted me and said that she would do the real relationship on the condition that we end the relationship when she moves away at the end of the semester. That was really what I was thinking before since I had just gotten out of a really stressful and controlling relationship a couple of months prior (life is crazy). The second rule would be that we would not fall in love. The relationship is temporary and it will stay that way. The deal was struck. Let the dating begin.
I just want to say that the three or so months spent with Becky were some of the most special moments of my entire life so far (yes I know I'm 18 and have plenty more of those chances). Two moments spent with her occupy the top two of the top three spots of the most romantic moments I've ever taken part in. 1. Looking up at the stars in the middle of an empty field on the hood of my dinky little sedan and 2. joy riding my father's mid-life crisis car (a manual with no electronic assists, so it's like fighting for your life the whole time.) Plus all the little moments that we spent together in between the giant ones.
Something that needs to be understood about Becky is that she does not ever show her emotions. If she were at a card table in Vegas I would have no doubt that she would walk out of that gambling hall ready to retire comfortably. It made me incredibly interested in her even more. Especially when she let me see her thoughts and feelings. I became fascinated by any little emotion I could find, any bit of need, curiosity, joy, hurt, jealousy, terror, care, sadness, love. And I found it quite a bit (my eyes are welling up currently). She seemed quite happy with me because I could always get her to reveal herself to me.
I would like to add that this entire time I was so terrified of disrespecting or making this woman uncomfortable at all to the point where I apologized excessively if I misread signals. I almost always asked permission to touch her. And never once in our relationship did I find the guts to kiss her.
The time of Becky's move was quickly approaching. She was to go to her new town on vacation for a week to look for homes and cover other bases before she could leave for good. The day before she left she asked if we could talk. I knew as soon as she said it that it was to be a breakup. we met up at a restaurant and ate our meals before she got to business. Even though she wouldn't be moving for another few weeks after returning (she still hasn't) that it would be best to end the relationship now. She explained why, but I can't remember because I was so focused on how her voice broke when she was saying her opening line. I responded with a brisk "okay" and we fist-bumped to seal the deal. I began laughing hysterically because I was going to cry since only a pretty awesome girl ends a relationship with a fist bump (it wasn't awkward or anything and that may just be my personal opinion).
This past week I've been pretty upset about the fact that it's over. I even cried when I made the joke to myself, "Since our relationship is over do we go back to hating each other?" That's when I realized that I couldn't stand the idea of hating her again and that I in fact fell in love with her despite being told not to.
I told my best friend about how I was feeling tonight and about how I had fallen in love with Becky despite that being one of two rules set at the beginning of our relationship. How do you break a rule when there are only two that you could possibly break?! I also asked my friend tonight if I should tell Becky I love her. His answer was a very short and simple "no". I'm here mostly to use Reddit as my therapist and maybe here the opinions of internet strangers on what I should do.
How do you suggest I take action here? What are some of the solutions for a long-distance relationship from 1,200 miles away? How can I move on from these thoughts and feelings if I should just let good things go (that made me cry a little)? How do you think that she would react?

Hello all, I'm curious what percentage of your billable rate you think is appropriate to be paid as an employee. My Google-fu indicates that generally consulting companies (not environmental specific) should pay their employees between 25-30%.
I am working for an oil and gas client and being charged out for $165 CAD per hour, but my share is 22% for the first 8, or 28% on a 12 hour day with overtime. As a result my hourly wage is less than the base labourers, and substantially less than other professionals on site working directly for the client (in the range of $80 - $100 CAD per hour).
As an employee for a consulting company I do recognize that not all contracts are so lucrative, so there may be reasons not to pay me more.
Thanks for your insight.

The defense and the prosecution today made their closing statements in the New York criminal case against Trump for falsifying business records to hide a $130,000 payment to adult film actress Stephanie Clifford, also known as Stormy Daniels. The payment was intended to stop her account of her sexual encounter with Trump from becoming public in the days before the 2016 election, when the Trump campaign was already reeling from the Access Hollywood tape showing Trump boasting of sexual assault.
The Biden-Harris campaign showed up at the trial today with veteran actor Robert DeNiro and former police officers Michael Fanone and Harry Dunn, who protected the U.S. Capitol and members of Congress from rioters on January 6, 2021. In words seemingly calculated to get under Trump’s skin, DeNiro said, “We New Yorkers used to tolerate him when he was just another grubby real estate hustler masquerading as a big shot,” and called him a coward.
When Robert Costa of CBS News asked campaign spokesperson Michael Tyler why they had shown up at the trial, Tyler answered: “Because you all are here. You’ve been incessantly covering this day in and day out, and we want to remind the American people ahead of the…first debate on June 27 of the unique, persistent, and growing threat that Donald Trump poses to the American people and to our democracy. So since you all are here, we’re here communicating that message.”
Yesterday, in remarks at Arlington National Cemetery in observance of Memorial Day, President Joe Biden honored “the sacrifice of the hundreds of thousands of women and men who’ve given their lives for this nation. Each one…a link in the chain of honor stretching back to our founding days. Each one bound by common commitment—not to a place, not to a person, not to a President, but to an idea unlike any idea in human history: the idea of the United States of America.”
“[F]reedom has never been guaranteed,” Biden said. “Every generation has to earn it; fight for it; defend it in battle between autocracy and democracy, between the greed of a few and the rights of many…. And just as our fallen heroes have kept the ultimate faith with our country and our democracy, we must keep faith with them,” he said.
His speech at Arlington echoed the message he delivered to this year’s graduating class at the United States Military Academy at West Point, where he urged the graduates to hold fast to their oaths. “On your very first day at West Point, you raised your right hands and took an oath—not to a political party, not to a president, but to the Constitution of the United States of America—against all enemies, foreign and domestic,” he said to applause. Soldiers “have given their lives for that Constitution. They have fought to defend the freedoms that it protects: the right to vote, the right to worship, the right to raise your voice in protest. They have saved and sacrificed to ensure, as President Lincoln said, a ‘government of the people, by the people, and for the people shall not perish from the Earth.’”
“[N]othing is guaranteed about our democracy in America. Every generation has an obligation to defend it, to protect it, to preserve it, to choose it,” he said. “Now, it’s your turn.” Biden spent more than an hour saluting and shaking the hand of each graduate.
In contrast, Trump ushered in Memorial Day with a post on his social media company, saying: “Happy Memorial Day to All, including the Human Scum that is working so hard to destroy our Once Great Country, & to the Radical Left, Trump Hating Federal Judge in New York that presided over, get this, TWO separate trials, that awarded a woman, who I never met before (a quick handshake at a celebrity event, 25 years ago, doesn’t count!), 91 MILLION DOLLARS for “DEFAMATION.” He then continued to attack E. Jean Carroll, the writer who successfully sued him for defamation, before turning to attack Judge Arthur Engoron, who presided over the civil case of Trump and the Trump Organization falsifying documents, and Judge Juan Merchan, who is presiding over the current criminal case in New York.
The message behind this extraordinary post was twofold: Trump can think of nothing but himself…and he appears to be terrified.
On Saturday, May 25, Trump had an experience quite different from his usual reception at rallies of hand-picked supporters. He was resoundingly booed at the national convention of the Libertarian Party in Washington, D.C., where Secret Service agents confiscated squeaky rubber chickens before his speech. Attendees jeered Trump’s order, “You have to combine with us,” even when he reminded them of his libertarian credentials—tax cuts and defunding of federal equality programs—and promised to pardon the January 6 rioters who attacked the U.S. Capitol.
Trump also promised to pardon Ross Ulbricht, who founded and from January 2011 to October 2013 ran an online criminal marketplace called Silk Road, where more than $200 million in illegal drugs and other illicit goods and services, such as computer hacking, were bought and sold. Most of the sales were of drugs, with the Silk Road home page listing nearly 13,000 options, including heroin, cocaine, ecstasy, and LSD. The wares were linked to at least six deaths from overdose around the world. In May 2015, Ulbricht was sentenced to life in prison and was ordered to forfeit more than $180 million.
Libertarians want Ulbricht released because they support drug legalization on the grounds that people should be able to make their own choices and they see Ulbricht’s sentence as government overreach. Trump has repeatedly called for the death penalty for drug dealers, making his promise to pardon Ulbricht an illustration of just how badly he thinks he needs the support of Libertarian voters. But they refused to endorse him.
Trump appeared angry, and on Sunday, as Greg Sargent reported in The New Republic, he reposted a video of a man raging at MSNBC host Joe Scarborough. In it, the man says that when Trump is reelected: “He’ll get rid of all you f*cking liberals. You liberals are gone when he f*cking wins. You f*cking blowjob liberals are done. Uncle Donnie’s gonna take this election—landslide. Landslide, you f*cking half a blowjob. Landslide. Get the f*ck out of here, you scumbag.”
Trump’s elevation of this video, Sargent notes, is a dangerous escalation of his already violent rhetoric, and yet it has gotten very little media attention.
Last November, Matt Gertz of Media Matters reported that ABC News, CBS News, and NBC News provided 18 times more coverage of 2016 Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton’s comment at a fundraising event that “you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables” who are “racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic,” than they provided of Trump’s November 2023 promise to “root out the communist, Marxist, fascist and the radical left thugs that live like vermin within the confines of our country.”
CNN, the Fox News Channel, and MSNBC mentioned the “deplorables” comment nearly 9 times more than Trump’s “vermin” language. The ratio for the five highest-circulating U.S. newspapers was 29:1.
Clinton’s statement was consistent with polling, and she added that the rest of Trump’s supporters were “people who feel that the government has let them down, the economy has let them down, nobody cares about them, nobody worries about what happens to their lives and their futures, and they’re just desperate for change.” She said: “Those are people we have to understand and empathize with as well.”
Sargent noted that news stories require context and that Trump’s elevation of the violent video should be placed alongside his many threats to prosecute his enemies. While there is often concern over disrespect toward right-wing voters, Sargent writes, there has been very little attention to the presumptive Republican presidential nominee’s posting of “a video that declares a large ideological subgroup of Americans ‘done’ and ‘gone’ if he is elected.”
Scott MacFarlane of CBS News reported yesterday that Republicans have ignored a law passed in March 2022 requiring the placement of a small plaque honoring police officers who protected the U.S. Capitol and the lawmakers and staffers there on January 6, 2021. It was supposed to be in place by March 2023 but has not gone up. A spokesperson for House speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) says his office is working on it. Kayla Tausche of CNN reported today that three of the police officers at the Capitol that day—Sergeant Aquilino Gonell and Officer Harry Dunn, both retired, and Officer Daniel Hodges, who is still with the Washington, D.C., metropolitan police—will be traveling to swing states for the Biden campaign to tell voters that Trump threatens Americans’ fundamental rights.
Finally, today, Melinda French Gates, co-founder of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, announced $1 billion in new spending over the next two years “for people and organizations working on behalf of women and families around the world, including on reproductive rights in the United States.” Only 2% of charitable giving in the U.S. goes to these organizations, she wrote the New York Times, and “[f]or too long, a lack of money has forced organizations fighting for women's rights into a defensive posture while the enemies of progress play offense. I want to help even the match.”
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Notes:
https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/26/libertarians-reject-trump-rfk-chase-oliver-presidential-nominee-00160040
https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2024/05/27/remarks-by-president-biden-at-the-156th-national-memorial-day-observance-arlington-va/
https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2024/05/25/remarks-by-president-biden-in-commencement-address-to-the-united-states-military-academy-at-west-point-west-point-ny/
https://newrepublic.com/article/181973/trump-media-attacks-media-dangerous-turn
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/congress-fails-to-install-plaque-honoring-jan-6-police-officers/
https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/28/politics/biden-campaign-january-6-officers/index.html
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c722qy5dzlgo
https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/25/trump-commute-ross-ulbricht-sentence-libertarian-convention-00160025
https://www.ice.gov/news/releases/ross-ulbricht-aka-dread-pirate-roberts-sentenced-life-federal-prison-creating
https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-is-spotlighting-ross-ulbricht-silk-road-appeal-to-libertarians-2024
https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4305566-trump-doubles-down-death-penalty-for-drug-dealers/
https://www.mediamatters.org/donald-trump/major-news-outlets-gave-much-less-coverage-trumps-vermin-attack-then-they-did-clintons
https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4687060-donald-trump-squeaky-chicken-libertarian-controversy/
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/28/opinion/melinda-french-gates-reproductive-rights.html
The Dworkin ReportDe Niro and Jan 6 Heroes Unload on Trump Outside NY TrialRobert De Niro just showed up outside the New York City courthouse, where Trump is facing 34 felony counts. Rightwing lunatics are already trying to start conspiracy theories lying and saying that thi…Read more8 hours ago · 765 likes · 132 comments · Scott Dworkin
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So I’m a care assistant and started to do my NVQ last year. I thought I could handle it but my god am I struggling. I originally did community care so I had the time, but I had to change jobs due to toxic work environment. I now do 12 hour night shifts in a care home, which I love. BUT In the last few months I’ve had a lot of stressors, I’ve been incredibly ill (I’m a type 1 diabetic so illness hits me hard and doesn’t pass quickly) had family issues, me and my partner have also recently moved into a place together as well as other problems and issues I’ve had all over the last few months so my coursework just gets pushed back and I’m so behind. I’ve had to have deadlines extended so much, but I’m exhausted and find it hard to have my work life, my normal life and this too. I just don’t have the head space.
I’m meant to get off the job training to do my coursework but have never once received this. Not even with my old employer. And because i now have a place I can’t afford to take unpaid time off work. This NVQ is causing me so much stress and I so regret starting it. Everyone keeps telling me it’s worth doing but I don’t feel like it is for me. It keeps me awake when I should be sleeping just worrying about it. I feel it’s also making me a harder person to live with because I’m so stressed and emotional all the time
Can I stop doing it? Will I have to pay the course back if I do? I feel stuck between having to do this NVQ or having to pay a load of money which I can’t really afford

I get these calls every year or two. I served from 91-93, I’m over 50 and he’s now 87. We were very close, my wife served there too and he even suggested to me that I write to her when I went home. He’s a very wealthy and well-connected Mormon.
The tidbits of note: 1. He was in a very serious car wreck at Christmas time. He credited wearing garments to their survival because “we’re promised that they are a protection”. Exactly what I was taught, too.

1. He said he keeps hearing stories of people that have come back to the church. Wanted to know if we’re ready to return. I told him that if I thought any of it was true I would return but I don’t believe any of it. He said ok and changed the subject. I didn’t feel like arguing.
   
2. The big one- “guess who got rebaptized into the church? Elder B!” First of all, why would I care? Second, this guy was a serious fraudster who stole about $6M from members of his stake. Story here. I asked if he had repaid the millions he stole and repaired the family relationships he destroyed. No answer. But hey, he’s been forgiven!
   

He’s an old and forgetful guy now. We’re past arguing but he still feels a need to call me and tell me about the church. But his views on garments and the ridiculous repentance “process” (while disregarding the damage done) reminds me how dangerous and absurd this cult is and how it makes fools of otherwise intelligent people.

Hi all. I'm in a bit of a sticky situation with my (21m) girlfriend (20f).
Work has always been a touchy subject since I left my retail job at Target. I went from a set schedule to working with my father on contracted jobs that often require me to travel for days at a time. Typically, I’m not away more than twice a month. I'm a college student with enough saved from these jobs and FAFSA that I can afford not to work for a couple of months.
My girlfriend and I have always had issues with my being away for work, but now it's become more serious. She told me she doesn’t want to marry, move in, or have kids with someone who's gone like I am. This confuses me because most jobs only require a day or two away, sometimes a week, but only a couple times a month.
A few days ago, my dad and I were planning our job schedule. My schedule opened up after finishing my last junior semester, so I planned to work more. I forgot to share this with my girlfriend because of a hectic few days babysitting her toddler brother and visiting family.
Today, while driving to the store with my family and girlfriend, my mom mentioned my upcoming work. I had forgotten about it due to everything going on. Since then, my girlfriend has been distant. When I asked her what was wrong, she said she felt disrespected because I didn’t inform her about my schedule. I apologized, explaining that I forgot due to being mentally preoccupied, and offered to go over the dates with her. She didn't want much to do with me, feeling that I didn’t respect her.
After taking some space, I apologized again and offered to go over the dates with her. She then told me she doesn’t want to marry, move in with, or have kids with me if my work keeps me away for extended periods. This surprised me because I have a lot of downtime working from home. My current job is temporary while I'm in college, but my degree in film, specifically video production, involves sporadic hours and working on sets. This makes me feel doomed in the relationship, like a ticking time bomb. I don't want to give up this lifestyle, but it feels like I have to choose between my dreams and our relationship. Does that make me the asshole?