Where can i ota for 9700 theme os6

Hello everyone,
I need some advice on whether to contact the Dean about my academic situation and whether further action is warranted.
At my institution, our program requires an average of 76.5% across four exams. I passed the first three with 78%, 80%, and 86%, respectively. However, I scored poorly on the final exam, resulting in an overall grade of 75.11%, causing me to fail the course. According to our college policy, only exam scores count towards the final grade.
While I accept this policy, I'm facing issues with reviewing my final exam. Our school's policy limits exam reviews to discussing "general themes" and avoids specific questions or detailed grading to protect the integrity of the exams. This lack of detailed feedback, especially given my near-passing grade, makes me question the fairness of the grading.
Here is more detail on their policy:

Review Format and Content: During the review, instructors may discuss general themes or areas where many students struggled, but specific exam questions or grading are not discussed in detail to maintain exam integrity.

To me, this seems highly unfair, especially considering how close I am to passing the course. Not allowing me to see how any of my exams were graded, and if they were graded fairly makes me highly suspicious of the outcome. The professor will not even tell me what exactly I got wrong. How can I know if this was graded appropriately? Am I supposed to just trust them, and hope for the best? Especially in a scenario like this where I am so close to passing? I feel like this goes against some law, so I asked chat GPT about FERPA this is the response I got:

As of my last update, there is no specific federal law that makes it illegal to prevent students from reviewing specific questions and answers of an exam in an educational setting. Educational institutions generally have the discretion to create and enforce their own policies regarding exam reviews, as long as they comply with broader educational standards and regulations such as the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA).
FERPA primarily ensures the privacy of student education records, but it does not mandate that institutions must allow detailed exam reviews. However, it does give students the right to access their educational records, which can include exam papers, under certain conditions and formats determined by the institution.
Colleges and universities often set their own policies regarding the review of graded exams to protect the integrity of the exam content and to prevent the potential compromise of future exam administrations. These policies can include restrictions on the detail of reviews or the environment in which they are conducted (e.g., supervised settings). Institutions are expected to communicate these policies clearly to students

Another issue is that the program I am part of decided to put two very difficult final exams on one day. Fine, I said. I would study and handle that and it didn't go well for me.
During the final exam meeting I requested with the professor I brought up the fact that having 2 exams on one day most likely effected my performance and they told me: "That I verbally said that some students can move their exam date. However there was limited slots." This shocked me. I record my classes, and I have a 95% attendance rating and I never recalled hearing that. Its possible they mentioned it when I was at the bathroom, or if I was late to class one day, but I do not recall that ever happening.
My issue with this is that, why are some students allowed to take the final on a separate day, but not others? How could there be limited slots? That to me feels like preferential treatment, since this could potentially allow some students in class an extra day of study. That extra day of studying is pass or fail to me now. Also, who makes the final decision on who can take what exam on what day now?
After I mentioned I never heard of this "move exam date" treatment, they said something of the like: "I am not building a wall between us."
What do you mean? I have emails that I sent to the professor asking for help about exam preparation that they never responded to. It happened on multiple occasions when I required help I was ignored, and now I learned that some students were given an extra day to study and the professor will not budge on letting me review my exam.
I admit, I had a bad exam day. But to have 1 test determine my pass or fail of an entire course after putting in hours (and I do mean HOURS, as in ~4 hours a day), of study and work feels wrong. Especially given how close to passing I am.
Overall, they wont let me review my final exam or any exam AT ALL after the fact. Won't let me find a way to pass even though I am 1.4% away. Apparently, gave other students possibly an extra day to study, without notifying all students via Canvas or Email that moving the exam day was an option. Which also feels unfair to all the students that had to take the 2 exams in one day.
Should I contact the Dean and my Professor's boss about this? I feel like I have been treated pretty unfairly. Or am I just overreacting?
Should I just retake the class? Keep in mind, I am only allowed a limited amount of failures here. I know in my heart I am ready for the next class, and this one bad exam shouldn't make or break a whole course for me.
I also don't want to be a problem student, but being so close to passing really bothers me.

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Don't forget to have fun!

Hello, All,
I have less than a yard of (I think) discontinued Oregon Duck fabric. No idea where or how I got it, but I happen to have a friend who's a Ducks fan. His birthday was on the 12th and I want to make him something out of this fabric. The picture I posted looks most like it, but I can't find an exact match with the quick google search I did, so I probably can't get more.
Any suggestions for a practical gift one can make with less than a yard of sports themed fabric?

I'm lucky enough to live in GA and have access to one of the top haunts in the country, Netherworld in Stone Mountain. Been going to it for years. Have also gone to HHN a few times. Production value is very high for both places. However, there are some things that Netherworld undeniably does better than HHN, which is somewhat understandable since Netherworld is able to be worked on year round and has some permanent sets and such. There are some things that HHN does better than Netherworld, too, and if I could combine the two, it would just be Halloween heaven!
First of all, Netherworld houses are better lit which means you can see and experience more of the haunt itself. I feel like I miss so much of set details in the houses at HHN because of the darkness as well as the rushed feeling to just get through the attraction. So much effort and thought go into the making of these houses and it seems like you need to have multiple walk throughs to take it all in. But that's really hard at HHN if you don't live in Orlando or are able to go for multiple nights. Lines are just too damn long.
Which brings me my second complaint, the crowds. Scare actors can't really re-set themselves to allow for true jump scares when people are herded through like a conga line. At Netherworld, groups that are together are allowed to go in and there is spacing in between the groups. Netherworld does have multiple houses which are rather long (warehouse sized) and they don't have people in the houses constantly urging you forward. You can go at your own pace, for the most part. At least until you encounter another group and you either pass them or they pass you. But, in fairness, Netherworld handles A LOT less people and limits ticket sales more. It's set up differently where you can reserve entry times and such which Universal can't do. But it might be nice if Universal capped ticket sales so that crowds were more manageable as it does make for a more enjoyable experience. No one likes to spend more than half of their night standing in a line and then being rushed through the very attraction that you've been waiting for.
My third complaint is that HHN doesn't seem to make full use of their space inside the houses. By that, I mean there could be more stuff coming from above, more bungee actors, more 360 scares instead of the usual boo holes. Netherworld has people and things coming at you from all angles-ceiling, floor, walls, boo holes, smoke screens, etc. They truly utilize the element of surprise. HHN seems to stick more to the tried and true sightline scares. They don't seem to think outside the box much. The exceptions this past season were the Monsters house and the Village house where scares and elements came from above, which was great!
And my fourth complaint is that HHN needs to be more "adult", more scary, more gory. It's Halloween, I want to scream. I want to feel fear. I want to be grossed out. I want to be immersed in the scary. I know that that's not always possible. I know that some houses and themes don't lend themselves to that. I know that Universal is still a family theme park and that HHN doesn't have an actual age limit.
Now, what HHN does better, it does REALLY well. The scare zones are top notch. The theming, the food, the merchandising are incredible! Whatever show that they have (recently it's been Nightmare Fuel) is insanely great! Universal has the talent, the vision and the budget to pull off something magical and it's always enjoyable.
In fairness, I don't attend HHN every year as I'm just not able to. So if some of my above complaints are unwarranted, then I apologize. Maybe they were just present in the years that I went.
Netherworld has its issues too. It's far from perfect. They tend to re-use sets way too much and can be too predictable. Some of these permanent sets don't always fit into the theme that year so it's kind of jarring and weird and doesn't flow well. The carnival area at the end of the first house needs some new games before you go into the second house and they need more food truck options. And the bubble room is just downright awful. So I'm not all saying that Netherworld is perfect by any means. But I would love to combine the best of the two events which would make them just *chefs kiss.

I see a lot of posts here from people who hate the profession, want to get out of it, and they use language that I don't completely buy into like "toxic workplace" and "anxiety." My attitude about my work life ever since I was a busboy at 16 was three things: 1) Suck it up. 2) If you don't like it, leave. 3) Don't be a whiner and complainer.
I know there are many, many people on here who will reject my way of thinking already, but hang in there.
I did experience the worst of the worst work environments and bosses. Screamers, liars, cheats (both financially and maritally), alcoholics. I got my share of calls on vacation, and more often than not in my agency days, I was conditioned to going into the office after a vacation and getting looks like, "How dare you!" And then of course routinely being called into my one boss's office and being lectured on all that went wrong when I was out, and somehow it was my fault. Same boss liked to spring new urgent projects on a few of us at 4:45 p.m. weekly, which meant another late night. And did I say he took credit for a lot of my work and my thinking and got promotions?
I've gone through those Sunday nights dreading the coming week, and those periods where any time a boss or a client wanted a meeting, I thought I was going to be fired. I have been totally burned out and fried. And yes, there were a few times things did go wrong and I had no one else to blame. It was my fault and I paid for it to a certain extent.
I was passed over for promotions and raises by coworkers who were sleeping with the boss or the client. And I've been blamed by some coworkers for things I did not do.
Work wise, I've done a lot of things professionally, and there was a first time for each. That means I had to get used to not knowing what to do or having experience before I gained experience and learned what to do. No one held my hand (Or anyone else's hand where I worked with one exception. See preceding paragraph.)
Now here's a slight twist. All the things I just mentioned happened at places where I steadily got promoted, commendations and industry visibility. In other words, at the end of the day, even though all these things did happen to me, I refused to let them become excuses. I'm not telling you that you need to do that. I'm just telling you that if you think you have it tough, welcome to the party. And this is what worked for me.
It all begins and ends with an attitude adjustment. I can only control what I control. I'm OK with that. I accept those terms. The field can be brutal, unfair and merciless. Agencies will eat you up and spit you out. I accepted those terms...for a while. I sucked it up, I wasn't a whiner and complainer, and when I felt the need, I left, usually for something better...for a while.
The U.S. Army used to have an ad campaign using the theme, "An Army of One." The meaning behind that is that in the Army, you will be trained, skilled, equipped and supported as though you as an individual are an entire army.
I adopted that mindset. I decided that while my paycheck came from someone else, I wasn't working for *them.* I was working for myself. I was my own one-person agency, even when I worked corporate. And sooner or later I would work for myself. I'd start my own business and make my own destiny.
After I came to that epiphany, so much of the stress went away and it was replaced by focus and determination. I had a goal and all of the things I mentioned above were merely obstacles I would have to overcome along the way. White noise in my day. I didn't care what other people thought about me or expected from me after that. I knew how to get results and all that came with it, and I did. Nothing else in my life had changed but my mindset, and it was liberating.
So, my advice to anyone who's made it this far in this post is this. Quit focusing on your own anxiety. That’s a useless emotion and you have more control over it than you think. Look outward. Focus less on analyzing why you feel miserable. Don't waste energy whining and complaining. That's how people distract themselves from actually solving their own problems. Learn how to deal with what you have to do without having to turn to others for support. Find the strength within you. It is there, but chances are you're not looking there for strength. You're outsourcing it to others, and that's a mistake. You can only control what you can control. But you can take control. That is up to you.

So I did it. After years of the family trips at BLT theme park views we did a week at another resort. We stayed 4-11 May in 7880 the Grand Villa at the end of the resort.
The Room We aren’t a stranger to 3 bedrooms. So we thought the room layout was familiar to the one at BLT. The extended balcony on the lower floor was really nice since literally there are animals out passing you by. BLT is just a huge window and not much in the way of balcony space.
I will say that the placement of the washer and dryer was not ideal- because it is loud and right there at the main living room. BLT has a (much too large) laundry room but at least it conceals the noise.
Kitchen was well set up and the dining table was nice, especially with the buffet.
Like most rooms- there isn’t usually enough seating for a full party. We had 9 total guests. 5 adults 2 kids a toddler and an infant. So it didn’t matter too much.
I know the resort and rooms are scheduled for their refurbishment. They certainly need some updates. Resort hallways had peeling wall paper. The carpets are just plain worn or no longer able to be cleaned of stains. I will also comment that the lighting in the rooms is terrible. I was not prepared for the dim yellow lights everywhere hidden by the themed drum lamps. My wife had difficulty preparing herself in those conditions.
The Resort Parking under the resort like at Vero Beach is great- but for those of us at the end of the resort past where the parking ends- we have a harder time finding spaces. Not really seeing a car for a week was great at building the resort feel we lack at BLT and the parking lot views.
Lobby is great fun and appropriated well. The animals are always a joy to visit and see.
Our room was 10 minutes from anywhere. 10 minutes to the lobby and buses. A bit longer to the pool. I know that it is sometimes based in the luck where you are- but that endless hallway was tiring. At least there are large windows to look out of at the end of each building unit.
Pool area at Kidani is enjoyable and we used it 2x. The splash pad and playground were of course a hit. The pool entertainment added to and didn’t detract from enjoyment. They didn’t feel the need to blare Disney Jr songs as if at the front row of a TSwift concert. Pool bar was adequate if a bit lacking in food options. Fitness center is serviceable.
dining We did Sanaa for dinner. It was fine. Probably not worth the hype though for us. It was an enjoyable food but doesn’t need a repeat from us if we aren’t staying there.
We did Boma for dinner and breakfast. Always a good time for any party. We enjoyed breakfast more than dinner. I took jungle juice back to the room and made it an adult beverage.
We also went to Mara for diner one night. Despite never understanding what qualifies as a side from the coolers the meal was better than passable. The mural in the restaurant is detailed and fun. Food choices were more healthy in my opinion than not.
Transportation
We travelled during a slow time of the year. After spring breaks and before schools are out. So we were able to catch buses with ease to the parks each day at rope drop without many other people. At the bus depots the boarding locations were decent as well. Multiple marked boarding areas. Except for MK and EPCOT which share a bus stall. Our longest wait was about 24 minutes waiting for a return bus from Animal kingdom. The longest bus trip was to MK as is expected. In fact most all bus trips to the parks were expedient - probably better than BLT which has a terrible bus station. I think the fact that most of the roads to get anywhere are highways really helps.
We did walk between the resorts a few times but also took the inter resort shuttle. You may also be able to jump aboard a bus if they are also going to Jambo house but you need to ask since they don’t always.
cast and activities
We didn’t come across a bad cast member at all. Everyone was friendly, kind, sincere, and engaging. In fact I left multiple cast compliments.
The bead gathering activity was so much fun. We didn’t complete all of the activities so we will need to be back to gather them all. We were not aware of them until most of the way through our trip. If you have a resort day it’s a great activity.
Jambo and Kidani compliment each other well. If one resort is doing the movie by the pool the other is not. So you can flip between the two easily.
The community hall has a pool table and table ball there to enjoy. The arcade has a lot of choices at decent cost too.
Final thoughts
Savannah view matters more if you have a resort day or kids. It was obviously going to be a draw for us. The 10 minutes to get anywhere is only for folks in the far ends of the resort. Most people will have less. And honestly- you can spend the same going from floor 15 BLT to the bus depot.
We would certainly consider this resort ahead of others like SSR or OKW especially once the refurbishment is done.
We have a stay at Boulder Ridge later this year.

I've noticed a lot of people in this sub oppose banning books, yet they still want to ban the ones they don't like.
But friends, that's actually banning books.
Which is fine if that's what you want to do (it's your library), but don't say you oppose banning books. Because you are doing it.
For my library, any book with any ideology is welcome. Religious book? Sure. Satanist book? Cool, no problem. Diversity book? Of course. Gay-themed book? Absolutely. Anti-gay book based on spirit animals in the sky? Alrighty, then. Books of how your Grandma was a lesbian that use to host orgies in the basement of the church next to her house? Yes, please!! (not kidding, I really want to read that one!)
I don't believe in banning books of any ideology, no matter how bat-shit crazy they might seem to me.
I like having a mix of books, so sometimes I'll set a book aside if there are too many similar ones. But it's not banned. I'll put it back in when there's room.
I love having a library where you can read the Book of Mormon, the Church of Satan's texts, or books about unicorns living in the center of the Earth.
I even hope to get some flat-earth books so I can add my astronomy books next to them!!
Books that say the Earth is only 5000 years old? Cool, I'll put them right beside my anthropology books.
Books about aliens? Yes, please! Vampire/hamster romance? Bring it on!
At the end of the day, it's your LFL, so you can make it look like you want.
But could you all stop with the Reddit-think and pretending to be above book-banning when you really just want books that match your beliefs?
By the way, that's the same mindset as those who support banning books.
I expect downvotes! lol
But please send me more satanist books. And some good flat-earth (which, remember, is only 5,000 years old! lol) books. I like to mix it all up!

About six months ago, in November, I started my journey through the "Chronicles of Chrestomanci," which of course are not really a series as much as a collection of books which all take place in the same set of universes. I read everything in order of publication, posting my thoughts here each time, and with the completion of this book I am now all the way through these wonderful novels. Please forgive my lack of direct quotes this time--having read nothing else for fun besides these books for six months, I found my note-taking capacity to be somewhat diminished. Maybe in the future I'll write a more detailed review.
The Pinhoe Egg is the final Chrestomanci book, whether you're reading them in order of publication or chronologically. I have no doubt Diana Wynne Jones did not intend this to be a "series" with a beginning and end; rather, I assume she simply got several book ideas that took place in this world, and this happened to be the last time before she died. It is sheer luck, then, that this last book is a sort of grand culmination of them both thematically and narratively, and possibly the best of the lot.
We start, typically, with a new protagonist, Marianne Pinhoe, and a new locale, the small rural village of Ulverscote, located a stone's throw from Chrestomanci Castle and Helm St. Mary. I liked that we got a little more background about this area throughout the book. When I go back to reread Charmed Life, I'm looking forward to putting it all into this new context.
Marianne became a favorite character almost instantly, and I was hooked on her storyline right from the beginning. Jones has a typically virtuosic opening sequence, wasting no time in establishing the key characters and launching into a dreadfully funny episode telling of Marianne's grandmother (who is also a kind of matriarch or "Gammer" over all the Pinhoes) apparently abruptly developing dementia and being forcibly removed from her home. There is black comedy galore here, all painfully adjacent to the real experience of making arrangements for a feeble or senile parent, as when Gammer is so averse to leaving her home that she roots herself in the bed, complete with actual roots. Meanwhile, Gammer's brothers and many children squabble over who gets to live in her house and where her belongings will go.
I mentioned before how Jones is always surprising me with the variety of formal structures and writing styles she employs. I thought I had figured out her game here, and was sure it was going to be similar to Conrad's Fate, where a new protagonist gradually makes their way into meeting familiar characters. But of course, Jones neatly sidesteps all reader expectation and switches tracks suddenly a few chapters in, focusing on Cat Chant as a second, equal protagonist, and revealing this book to be, among other things, the true sequel to Charmed Life--published 29 real-life years later. Jones then begins alternating between Cat and Marianne unevenly, and sometimes even from sentence to sentence, as in Witch Week. Her sleight of hand is sly and clever, and the craftsmanship is remarkable. Hats off--each of the seven books in this series reads totally differently. Jack of all trades, master of all, our Diana.
Jones stacks on the themes this time. We of course get some of her usual preoccupations, particularly with that of unreliable families. The Pinhoes may be the worst of the lot, or at least the most upsetting, because while in most of the other books the dysfunction is obvious, things are more insidious here. The reader is actually led (through Marianne's obedient, rule-following perspective) to see Harry, Cecily, Gammer, and most of the uncles and aunts as well-meaning individuals who care for one another. However, as in Charmed Life (and Cat himself draws the comparison), as the book goes on and Marianne becomes more independent, it becomes increasingly difficult for her, and for us, to justify their cruel behavior. It is genuinely devastating when Marianne figures out what's going on halfway through the book, decides to approach the adults in her life about it, and is laughed off or outright punished by all of them. There is a familiar scene at the end of the book: Marianne's and Joe's talents are vindicated by Chrestomanci and they are given the opportunity to nurture their skills in an education apart from parents who hold them back by refusing to understand or accept them. Replace the current Chrestomanci with the previous acting Chrestomanci, Gabriel de Witt, and you have the same scene as the end of Conrad's Fate. The detail that Marianne and Joe still go home and see their parents regularly is brutally realistic, Marianne able to convince her mother to soften on some issues, but ultimately failing to truly connect with her father. This seems to me the ultimate conclusion of the obsession with family dynamics in the Chronicles of Chrestomanci--that your family will always be there, like them or not, whether or not a true understanding can ever be reached. I'm not ashamed to say I cried through the last couple chapters of the book, and found the first line Jones has written that made me audibly sob. This was a feeling from childhood I didn't even know I had forgotten:

[Marianne] was depressed and worried. Dad was never going to understand and never going to forgive her. And Gaffer had still not turned up. On top of that, school started on Monday week. Though look on the bright side, she thought. It'll keep me away from my family, during the daytime at least.

As in Conrad's Fate, the potential toxicity of religion crops up here, in a bigger way than ever. The last act of the book is barely disguised by its magical trappings: what we have here is a group of devout, religious conservatives, being shown the harmful effects of their actions, and blindly rejecting all of the proof and logic in front of them in favor of enforcing rules and laws that keep them comfortable. There is no doubt that the next generation of Pinhoes will be just as subject to the old traditions, in spite of Marianne and Joe breaking free. That the Reverend Pinhoe is portrayed as a hapless and kind man, ignorant to most of the wrongdoing in the village, does little to soften the point of Jones's pencil here. As I said, I was startled by how moved and devastated I was by this final section, recognizing all of the real-world pain in this fantastical setting.
Jones has always been steadfastly protective of those who cannot speak up for themselves, as with the character of Cat who finds it difficult to recognize and verbalize his feelings. This time, borrowing from a kind of Shinto animism, Jones includes the concept of Dwimmer, a magic that is focused on the life force within all creatures and plants. There is no debate where Jones stands on this--her deepest and most profound sympathies lie with Cat, who can't bear to imagine his horse Syracuse chopped into dog meat, who frets over Klartch's wellbeing when out of his sight, and who firmly refuses to apologize for releasing all the goblinlike fairy folk from their bindings. There is no direct intimation of endangered species, global warming, or human-caused environmental destruction in this book, as you might expect in this kind of setup (I suspect Jones was too clever to resort to trite metaphors). However, in a fascinating twist, a plot detail revolves around the Pinhoes and Farleighs erecting a barrier in the forest to contain the magical creatures, making the forest feel empty and incomplete in the process--a magical, but also literal, instance of deforestation. Motives of plants, herbs, and trees, both good and evil, carry through the book as well. Jason and Gaffer Elijah Pinhoe, as well as Cecily, are handy with plants and tend large gardens. The Farleighs' and Pinhoes' spells tend to take the form of small bags of weeds and branches as well. Interestingly, and insightfully, the natural world is portrayed as difficult as well: Gammer grows roots to impede her family's mission, and the vile Gaffer Farleigh morphs into a stubborn, gnarled, immovable petrified oak when Cat works a spell forcing him to assume his true form.
This was one of the most enjoyable books in the Chrestomanci series, and it was bittersweet to close the door on the Pinhoes. I like that the continuity between these books is vague and tenuous, so I'm free to imagine all sort of side goings-on, like what might happen to Marianne and Cat later in life, or whether Conrad and Christopher remained friends, or what Roger and Julia thought when their dad told them all about the events at the academy in Witch Week. Howl's Moving Castle is still the book closest to my heart, and will forever be the Diana Wynne Jones I read over and over, recommending to anyone unfortunate enough to strike up a conversation about books with me, but I am so glad that I found the time to welcome Chrestomanci and all his strange acquaintances into my heart, too.
Here's my personal ranking of the Chronicles of Chrestomanci, but please note I love all of these books and a low ranking does not mean I don't like the book. I have to put that there because there's always someone who doesn't understand that last place doesn't mean bad or worst. I'm not including the short stories individually because it's impossible for me to weigh a short story against a novel, whereas a large collection seems to make sense to me. I also must admit that the top three, especially the top two, were really difficult to place and I more or less love them equally.

1. Conrad's Fate
2. The Pinhoe Egg
3. Charmed Life
4. Mixed Magics
5. The Magicians of Caprona
6. Witch Week
7. The Lives of Christopher Chant

My next Jones book will be -- drumroll, please -- Archer's Goon, though I'm taking a break for some adult reading during the summer. While I'm in a school semester I can pretty much only manage to read children's fantasy, so I'll see you all come August or September. :) Thanks to those of you who have been reading and following my journey from start to finish. I would love to chat more about this book and this series.
Oh, and finally... ALL SPOILERS ALLOWED!

So Alice did a mini Q&A on Tumblr today after Netflix dropped the teaser for S3. Tumblr is awful to try and navigate finding the Qs that go with the As, so I've just collected and posted them here. Spoilers ahead for S3, and Vol 4+5 of the comics!
how come you changed it from tank top to vest? lots of americans confused by vest 😅
because I thought about someone actually saying the phrase ‘tank top’ with a British accent and it sounded so weird and awkward in my mind, ‘vest’ was the more realistic word (at least for people from my region of England lol). Sometimes things that are written in the comic would actually sound quite awkward and odd if the cast said them out loud, so I change them!
Was that the full first scene or was it cut for the teaser?
it was cut for the teaser! The full scene is longer (and the billie song was just for the trailer!)
i’m in shock that billie let them debut a new song in it
ME TOO
are there any new photos added on charlie’s wall of him and nick together?
haha there are new photos in both rooms yes!
I’m so in love with the little trailer! My Question is: How did you feel, knowing you are dropping the trailer without anyone expecting something? 😄😍
i wished i could have teased it harder but because it was a collab (of sorts) with billie eilish’s team I didn’t want to do anything that might ruin it or not be what they wanted! 😅
I’m wondering if we’ll get a proper look at the new pictures in Charlie’s room at some point 🙇🏻‍♀️
of COURSE we shall
Not sure if you can answer this, and I could have a guess anyway, but is that trailer the complete moment or is the scene longer than that with more conversations that have been cut to make the trailer?
the scene is longer in the show, it had to be cut very short for the trailer!
was having tori's hair short from the get-go just for the sake of continuity or was there a.... deeper choice there..... i luv all the solitaire references in volume 4 sm so i'll take what i can get in the show hehe
so the thing about in-story haircuts in TV - they are a production nightmare. The show is filmed completely non-chronologically, so if Tori had long hair at the start, that would be a huge amount of extra work for the haimakeup department. It takes at least an hour to get an actor in or out of a wig. It just makes things very difficult and we always have an extremely hectic and tight schedule so we decided it’d be easier for her to just have short hair from the start!
I’m honestly so excited about s3. When you said that the ferris wheel scene was modified does that mean that the talk that Tori has with Charlie about her being asexual will that not be in s3?
yes that’s correct, I’m saving that story for S4 where I can build up to it much more effectively 🙏 you’ll see when you watch s3 that there just wasn’t the room to give that storyline the space it needs!
it was so amazing alice 😭 we cannot wait for more, we are all so beyond excited !!
one question : is there more to the opening scene, like will it have more dialogue between Tori & Charlie similar to the comics ? i assumed the opening scene was just cut that way to fit the 45 seconds teaser format and Billie Eilish's new song clip (HUGE congrats on tha btw oh my god ?? we were all so surprised and elated)
yayyyy I’m glad you enjoyed!! Yes that’s correct, the full scene is longer!
Have you considered filming season 2 and 3 one after another??
I could not have written the scripts in time, I barely managed to write the S2 scripts in time 😅
Of course we were all very excited!! Did this season feel different to make with the subject matter a bit darker and more mature? Can’t wait to see it!!!
yes definitely! Lots of new experiences and vibes on set. But I guess it’s an intense experience no matter what!
I know you already answered about the swearing but there's a debate on twitter rn so: will they say 'fuck', specifically?
yes 😂
ALICE IT WAS MAGICAL!! I CANNOT WAIT FOR PROMO TO START!!!
YAY same!!!!!
Not specifically about the trailer, but when you started writing season three did you already know by that point Olivia would not be available or did you have to do re-writes to take Sarah out of the story?
I knew it was a possibility but it wasn’t confirmed until very close to the shoot. I had to do some quite intense last minute rewrites 😅 but I’d already thought about what I’d do in that scenario so I was somewhat prepared!
The trailer was so lovely, it made my whole week! I love the brother-sister moments with Tori and Charlie; Joe and Jenny are so great together on screen. Will we get to see Tori and Nick interact more in this season?
a little yes! 💖
will there be a s3 music playlist on spotify?? or will the s3 music get added to the current playlist?? that would be amazing!!!💕🍂
I’m sure someone will make an s3 playlist!! Netflix control the Heartstopper Spotify playlists so it’ll be up to them!
do you feel like this season uses social media (inside the narrative) more or less than season 2? i love how important it was to the story for s2 and the way it was shown on screen - was there more or less present in s3?
difficult to say… there’s a fair bit of it for sure but maybe not as much as S2? Not sure tho!
why did you decide to change the line from tank top in the comics to vest ? did it just make more sense regionally that he would say vest ? (genuinely curious!)
indeed, ‘tank top’ just didn’t sound like something a British teen boy would say! Sometimes the things I write in the comic sound awkward when they’re spoken out loud by a real person 😂
Joe and Kit’s ability to make heart eyes is truly unparalleled. They deserve all the awards.
Could not be more excited for season 3!!!
One question that I’m sure you’ve answered but I’m not sure where - do you do the animations for the show? The “I love you” in the promo looked like a new style and I liked it a lot! Just curious. Thanks for everything 🥰
the animations are done by an animator named Anna Peronetto! She is brilliant!!
can you tell us anything about the artists that will be part of this season's soundtrack?
I’d say there are some heartstopper classics but also a bunch of new artists! Sorry to be vague, I don’t want to spoil 🥺
This is random and about season 1, but can you settle a debate about what exactly the snow was made of in the snow day scene? 🙃❄️
pretty sure it was a mix of foam and powder depending on what it was used for 🤔
Will the rating be higher? It is 12 usually but with season 3 being described with mature themes will it become a 15? Can't bwlieve we are in the season 3 era already!
I believe it depends on country and it’s not up to me, but the rating is likely to increase yes, mostly due to slightly more swearing, sex scenes, and mental health themes. I think it really edges the border between a 12 and a 15 in the UK so I’m really not sure how it’ll be rated!
Also, do you have a favorite episode yet? 👀
I love every episode of s3 truly, but I think ep 4 is something special and maybe the best heartstopper ep I’ve written across all three seasons!! Very proud of it 💖
seriously cannot describe how excited I am for s3 - when filming and editing scenes with michael and tori is it really strange to see them on screen when they were really the first two main characters you wrote about?? what was that like seeing them actually come to life? (also i am the self proclaimed most excited for michael to appear, cannot wait to see how darragh portrays him as he seems amazing!!)
so so strange!!! But wonderful! They’re my firstborns and it’s strange to see them here while also not really seeing the full story that we know they have. Darragh and Jenny are amazing and I can’t wait for you to see them together on screen 🥹 the first moment you see them together is SO special, it almost makes me cry every time
I know Jonathan bailey has said he reached out through a mutual friend about joining heartstopper. If you are able to answer, what came first; Jonathan bailey or jack/Henry Maddox? (Aka, was that character and scene always going to be included in the series? - i love that mini comic so much!)
Henry Maddox has been around for a couple of years now!! When Jonathan told us he wanted to be involved, me and Wren (who created Henry Maddox!) thought this would be the perfect role for him and a great opportunity for a more comedic sequence in the show (while also tying him into some of the themes of that specific ep… but now I’m getting too spoilery) ! (And obvs we had to change the name due to Henry the pug)
I'm curious about the scenes with Geoff. In the comics they're mostly mentioned instead of shown in detail. Will we get to see bits of Charlie's therapy sessions, or will they be shown in a sort of montage?
we will see some!
with the teaser clip saying coming October 3th does that mean the season won’t be spilt in two parts? 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼
as far as I know, it won’t!
what was the confusing situation with ur insta stories from a few days ago 😭
So I thought the image was a deliberate tease from Netflix - turns out it was actually a mistake so I deleted my stories. Then they emailed to say I could leave up my stories if I wanted to, but I’d already deleted them 😅
Hey Alice, not a question but just wanted to apologise again for what I said about the spoilers the other week. I didn't think about the costumes and sets. I have felt bad about being so silly ever since! I was just hoping to try and help you feel a even a tiny bit better 💜 super super excited for S3! Heartstopper is one of my special interests and brings me a huge deal of comfort on tough days 🥰 it's a beautiful world you have created 🥹
omg please don’t feel bad, I wasn’t at all annoyed or mad at you!! You have nothing to worry about and you definitely did all make me feel a bit better after that happened 💖 Thank you for loving and supporting Heartstopper, it really means so much!! 💖💖💖

So, yeah, talking about the only, and I mean only, officially-released Lord of the Rings-related modern work of media that I subjectively despise.
By now, news has circulated about how poor the work conditions were and just what led to the massive delays, regressive gameplay mechanics and general lack of focus in all aspects. So I don't really feel right in giving the designers that much crap after what they've been through and I hope they do find work again on better, fairer projects.
However, I've been more interested in the questionable design choices for story and character design than gameplay as well as voice-acting. Because, honestly, in something connected with Lord of the Rings, I think people would have been more forgiving (Probably not enough to save it but at least give it a better chance) if the story, characters and performances were interesting despite the horrendous gameplay.
But...well...they're not.
(Keep in mind that I don't actually know how to bring up the images online without getting flagged for something so whoever hasn't seen the designs for the Gollum Game's Gollum, Gandalf, Thranduil, Mouth of Sauron and Shelob, please find at any general game publishing site or just do a quick sweep of Google Images. If there is a way to show up the images with no worries, please tell me.)
Let's start with Gollum himself. Now, what's weird about the Gollum Game is that they seem to be trying to emulate the Peter Jackson/Andy Serkis Gollum in all but the things that actually makes the character work. Let's get this out of the way, yes, that version of Gollum is the best we're ever going to see and nothing can top that. But it is still possible to make your own Gollum work with little relation to the most popular adaptation. Before Lord of the Rings was popularised, Gollum tended to resemble a sort of swamp-thing. The Rankin-Bass adaptation and 2003's The Hobbit Game make him look froggish, almost Morlock-like, which rather suits the themes he gives off. Admittedly, these both came before the Peter Jackson films but still, they worked with the character.
The Gollum game instead seems to resemble a copy of Andy Serkis's Gollum if someone just changed their mind half-way through. Everything about his appearance screams 'We Just Weren't Sure Anymore!'. Even getting past how his facial expressions barely work and the godawful affair that his his hair, he just comes out looking like the OG Gollum's edgy tween cousin. In a way, the more human/hobbit he looks, the less appealing he looks. Compare him to the more froggy-looking Gollums he's just unpleasant to look at and not in the way the character should be. What's sad is that early designs make him look better, more 'Grey-Alien'-ish which probably would have been easier to model.
So yeah, Mearas falls at the first hurdle on that front. Let's talk about the less-meme-worthy character designs and their stories, such as they are.
Gandalf. Hoo boy. Where exactly do you go from once you've decided to make Gandalf the Grey a goddamn brunette?! Did you just not want Gollum to feel left out in the stupid hair department?! Admittedly, that may be more a problem with the graphics than the actual design, he is grey-bearded in concept models. But disregarding that for a moment, Gandalf's apparel just doesn't seem to work. He seems to be dressed in almost Nomad-looking garb with a hat that looks folded in on itself and adorned with baubles and feathers, a furry-collar around a rough-spun cloak and a curved sword (CURVED...SWORD! There, I said it). I might be getting the wrong vibes here but he looks way too rustic and weathered to really suit the aesthetic Gandalf is supposed to give off. He looks more like how Radagast might look in a non-movie-related work. In fact, a lot of people might prefer this design over the one in the Hobbit Movies (I wouldn't. I loved McCoy's Radagast but I understand I might not be in the majority there).
Worse still is that there wasn't really any reason for this. The long grey beard and pointy hat are entirely canon with the Tolkien-verse. You could have just gone with a regular-looking wizard-type appearance and it would have worked better. It wouldn't have looked very original but that's the least of your worries!
And then Thranduil. Now, admittedly, this is not the goofiest-looking design for the King of the Wood Elves, Rankin-Bass still holds that honour. But that's still not a good enough reason to make your character literally look small trees are growing out of his head! Yes, I realise that the intent is for him to look like he has stag horns and leaves and flowers are growing over them but it just doesn't work. The fans on the side of his shoulder-blades look for all the world like toadstools from a certain angle and he seems to actually have the same 'curved...sword' as Gandalf and in almost the exact same position to the point where I'm fairly certain it's a copy-paste job. But what really lets the whole thing down is his face. Looking at that face, what springs to mind, because when I see that, I imagine him as the Elf-equivalent of the Squeaky-Voiced Teen. The modelling on his face makes him look like one of the more dorky characters from Fable, combined with the Goldilocks haircut (What is with this game and hair?!) and you have a character we just can't take seriously.
And that's the main problem because this game is demanding we take it seriously. With the bleak, edgy seriousness of the game, the over-the-top design doesn't really fit. In fact, to some extent, the fact that he looks less goofy than Rankin-Bass is a downside because the vibes are telling us he shouldn't look goofy at all. Then at least we'd know where we stood in terms of intended atmosphere.
And finally, the Mouth of Sauron. Now, he's hard to get down, honestly, he's sort of an enigma in Middle-Earth and that's one of the things that makes him so interesting and I was actually pretty interested in the idea that we'd see how he oversees his domain first-hand. So I don't know what exactly I was expecting from his general appearance...but I was not expecting this! What do I say to this?
I mean, where's his tall, black helm? That's in the book, that's part of who he is, literally, all but implied that his suit of armour has sort of become his prison. This guy has pointed ears. Isn't he supposed to be a human? I admit, I kind of like the whole Nosferatu-ish look he has with his spindly build and ornate, vampirish collar but I just don't think it suited The Mouth of Sauron. This guy probably would have made a more interesting secondary villain in place of the Candle Man.
I can honestly say I rather liked the Shelob design. She's the only character in this game that doesn't like a Horizon Zero Dawn concept art exhibition threw up. I got almost Starcraft-ish vibes off of her but it works, she's alien, she's unnatural and she's intimidating.
You know what's sad? These designs are all interesting in their own way, it's all quite intricate and probably had a lot of work put into it. But it all makes it less relatable and, ironically, almost less interesting. And I wouldn't be surprised if the overly elaborate designs hurt the frame-rate all the more. You probably could have toned down the designs and made them look more grounded and it would have improved things.
I do want to put it on record that these designs aren't bad in themselves. To be completely honest, I'm quite impressed by them. As art, it's actually really good and there's a post from TheGamer from someone who was present for the Digital Art Exhibition for the Gollum Game who pointed out that whoever was doing the design certainly cared a lot more than the game's lead-developers and publishers. And it's very likely that the shortcomings the game had in terms of graphics and modelling hampered what could have been impressive character design. But in terms of tone, it's all over the place. With the very stripped-down gameplay and vague story, the over-the-top designs just feel out of place and highlight just how poor the priorities were here. I like it on its own but it just doesn't work with the game.
So that's the recognisable characters at least. If I do make a part two of this post, it'll be about the OCs, such as they are. And I am working to find something on the lore of these characters without having to purchase the DLC because I absolutely refuse to go down that route. So there you go, my two-cents.

Cross-posted from AOAIBetrayeds. AOAIBetrayeds is an online peer support group and safe space reserved for betrayed individuals who are considering, actively attempting to, or have reconciled after infidelity. If you feel you would benefit from a more private supportive sub for only betrayed people, message the mods at AOAIBetrayeds or send me a DM.
It's been 2 months since I posted an update so I think it is time.
Context: Me: 59m. Her: 55f. Married 33 years, together 36. WW had a full on EA bookended with multiple sexual PA's (1 in Dec, 2022 and 3 in Sept, 2023 (last 2 on Dday). She then pretended to go NC with AP for an additional 5 months which created Dday #2 in February. Read my story and updates using my profile for posts if you want to see background.
https://www.reddit.com/useDiscardbobulated/submitted/
NO ADVICE PLEASE: Just like last time I posted, and the time before that, I am processing all of this stuff, and working with my therapist and my support group closely, so I will ask for advice only when I think I need it and when I think I am ready to receive it. Right now, I just thought I’d post an update for those who might be following along or anyone for whom my story resonates. I hope you’re OK.
I can use reassurance. I have asked for no advice because I am all full-up with advice that I am taking and utilizing. More and/or different advice will potentially muddy my process and have my approach blurred. Reassurance though? Bring it on. We all need it. Sometimes directly and sometimes just by being here and reading the stories of others. Reassure me.
As many of you know, I was dealt a huge blow the day after Valentine’s Day. That’s 3 months ago today for those of you keeping track. My wife, with whom I was 5.5 months into ‘reconciliation’ with, came clean and told me that she was still in contact with her AP for the entirety of that span of time.
The revelation of The Big Lie as I refer to it now, even with my wife, was in incredibly damaging hit to the idea of reconciliation. It was as shattering, if not MORE shattering as the original affair revelation. Big lies, little lies, untruths, the masking of truth, the omission of truth…all are devastating to the traumatized betrayed. If you know anything of the effects of trauma (as most of you do I am sure), you know that each lie usually triggers a trauma response, and each trauma response piles into a vast storage area in your brain where it pools and stays ready to fuck you up every time it’s poked. And mine was poked A LOT in the last 3 months. A LOT.
I started the ‘last 3 months’ phase of this journey with this huge setback that was The Big Lie. It reset our progress to zero in some cases. If you look at some things, like my ability to control the PTSD events, then that progress was still in effect. (I was still able to recognize the PTSD event coming on and sometimes get control of it before spiraling out of control). If you look at the timeline of physical sexual events, that didn’t change. If you take into account all the books and articles read, all the podcasts and audiobooks listened to, and all the hours spend by me in IC, then then those items were (mostly) still intact.
But you know what was now absolutely fucking GONE?
~T R U S T~
I had spent that first 5.5 months learning to trust again as we were working our way through reconciliation. You can look back at my post history prior to February, 2024 and see a solid progression of trust being built, of confidence being regained, and of affection, sexuality, appreciation, and friendship being rebuilt.
ALL of that was 100% GONE in ONE moment. GONE.
LIES are destructive. Secondary Dday lies like this one are DEEPLY destructive.
Trust is often cited as the most important ingredient in a personal relationship. How can we even begin to consider something as gigantic as a marriage reconciliation when trust has been completely blown up? I don’t have an answer to that. I am looking for it.
You know what was also lost at the point of the revelation of The Big Lie?
Hope. Optimism. Self-esteem. Admiration. Lust. Attraction. Affection. All gone.
My feelings of these things were returning in slivers over those 5.5 months after Dday and now they were just GONE.
Replacing these feelings were different feelings I had. Now I was feeling: Helpless. Worthless. Inadequate. Unloved. Betrayed. Devastated. Like a Chump. Belittled. Emasculated. Unworthy. Ugly. Undesirable …and incredibly MANIPULATED.
She had spent this time manipulating me into complacency while she continued to carry on her affair in the form of regular communication with ‘her friend’ AP. They talked on the phone regularly, texted regularly. All the while she was putting forth what I THOUGHT was EFFORT into our reconciliation, but was really just a collection of actions that were meant to placate me.
The Fake R time, as I now know it, included: I love you’s. Hand holding. Sex. Apologies. Forward thinking. Plans. I was feeling like PROGRESS was happening. I was still experiencing the PTSD events. Still having times when I would lash out in anger at her for what she had done, but those awful things were decreasing in intensity and frequency and I was thankful for that.
I was able to see what reconciliation looks like.
Only I wasn’t. It was all a sham. Now that she is not in contact with him (I hope and believe), she has stopped the hand holding (mostly). Not one ‘I love you’ in the past 3 months. The hugs I used to get now feel like the hugs you’d give a kid with a scraped knee. The feeling of being wanted and being on a path to something better has been obliterated. And sex? 2-3 times a week during the Fake R has become 1 time in the last 3 months.
So now, after the revelation of The Big Lie I am left with a VERY odd feeling. A feeling like what I WANT BACK is the pre-Big-Lie actions. The ‘I Love You’s’, the hand holding, the sex…
But since I now know these as things that were done to manipulate me, I really DON’T want them back. What I want is something that I have not yet seen: An honest reconciliation and the actions that come with that. And now that my mind has suffered the mind-fuck rollercoaster of the last 8 months, I don’t even know what honest reconciliation looks like. My perception is fucked up. I no longer can think accurately about this stuff because of the gaslighting. It’s hard to even describe the feeling of disconnection with my own reality.
A METAMORPHOSIS The changes in how she was treating me now that she no longer has AP in her back pocket as a ‘friend’ to talk to are stark. She has expressed that the sex was just to placate me. That she can’t feel good about US anymore because she doesn’t have knowledge of how HE is doing anymore. She cannot “live her good life” with me because she doesn’t know if HE is able to “have a good life”. She is NO CONTACT with him, but clearly some of her still has a connection to him. That hurts.
During these last 3 months I have gone from non-functioning to confused to (almost) accepting. Along the way I have passed ANGRY, DEVASTATED, DEFEATED, and a hundred other negative emotions.
I also spent nearly all of my time doing what ALL us betrayeds do. I tried to get her to UNDERSTAND MY PAIN. I wanted her to really know what she has done to me. Not just what she did with the affair, but with the aftermath of the affair and the 5.5 months that I was trying to regain trust in her and she was faking R with me so that she could continue her EA with HIM. I was CONSTANTLY wanting her to HURT because I thought that if she could HURT like I HURT then she could understand my pain and come to really know what it is she has done. And if she could get to THAT place, then surely she would finally find the shame and guilt that I think she deserves to bear.
The problem is that even with all my effort to explain to her in words, in mental breakdowns, in PTSD trauma events, in triggers, sadness, crying and constant malaise, nothing was changing.
She wasn’t displaying any of the remorse, guilt and shame that I want from her. She wasn’t giving me any of the actions or words she was giving me during Fake R. She wasn’t holding my hand. She wasn’t saying I love you. She wasn’t touching me or having sex with me. She was just enduring my wrath.
During the last time that I sat with her and had a Q&A about how she could do this and all the same questions that I have asked before and my saying again how hurt I was and how it was ALL HER FAULT and how I thought she should feel SHAME I ended up feeling a little tranquil. I felt like maybe I had told her enough times. I didn’t know if she fully understood like I wanted her to but I thought that we were at a place where MORE of this was going to do NOTHING. After all, almost 3 months of it hadn’t YET produced anything, why would MORE have any potential for positive progress.
So I had a thought. What if I just treated her nicely? What if I stopped with the finger wagging and the name calling and the ‘why me’s’ and the angry lashing out. What if I instead tried to hold HER hand occasionally? What if I just WASN’T adversarial? Could that help? Could that get her to see me differently? Could that get ME to see me differently? Could that reset my mind and get me out of the victim moment and into some undefined type of recovery?
I wondered to myself if I had it in myself to let those things go. I wondered if I was CAPABLE of not being so fucking angry at her for what she had done. I mean, we both are clearly aware of what she has done and what it has caused in me, so I don’t have to restate that over and over and over again, DO I?
I took this question with me to IC.
IC reframed it in a way that resonated with me somehow. She said: “Look, you’ve spent a lot of time ‘spinning’, trying to make heads or tails of your predicament. Trying to get her to love you again. Trying to find connection with her. Why? Because you love her. Isn’t that the entire point? If you want to reconcile with her the end goal is for you to love one another again because you love her, right?” She said: “Why don’t you try showing her your true self? The self that loves her. The self that wants reconciliation because you love her. Maybe start with small things? Don’t go crazy and drive yourself nuts with a huge reversal from anger and hurt to loving and wonderful. Instead just don’t hurl negativity all the time. Relax instead. Act like reconciliation is under way in order to see if that action can initiate a real reaction.”
In other words, release the Restraining Bolt that keeps you in the stew of anger and contempt and head off to find a crazy old wizard and your path to freedom from the tyranny of self-pity.
Interesting.
This made SOME sense to me, and partly made sense to me because of the way I was FEELING. It would NOT have made sense to me 2 months ago, or even a week ago. It makes sense to me because of where I am NOW. A shift in gears from the anger and hatred to something more nurturing. Not a full tack. More of a subtle lane change. (sorry to mix my motoring and sailing metaphors).
So this is where I am now. I made the decision in my head to move over into this other lane. I did this less than 36 hours ago. I have not yet determined if this has been beneficial or not. I feel anxious. Of course I didn’t NOT feel anxious in that other lane, so this is a wash. I have not yet experienced any super-positive changes to my own attitude. I have no idea if she has even noticed. I hope she has and I intend to ask her if she has when we go see our marriage counselor today.
T I M E
My support group has told me that time is my friend. That only time will allow my wife to recognize that she truly is the villain in her own story. To have her really understand that SHE is the cause of all of this. For her to recognize also that her AP is not the needy ‘good guy’ that weaseled his way into her psyche, but the manipulative fuck that we all know he is. TIME. Time also for me to be able to release the anger like I have been attempting to do over the last couple days. Time for me to ponder how I can find my own self esteem again and really shed my feelings of inadequacy and ugliness (among others). Time for WW and I to possibly find some bonding time and make some memories that are not anger and sorrow and self pity and….
“She’s fast enough for you, old man.” I guess she is. That’s what they tell me. Essentially the theme of this slow-burn reconciliation thing. That if she is showing ANY progress, then that is the progress that we as betrayeds need to embrace. ANYTHING is “fast enough” because you cannot speed this process up. You will never do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. Not gonna happen. 1-5 years is what they say reconciliation takes for it to be complete if it makes it to complete. I have told myself to give it at least 3. My hope is that I will feel a shift from tentative to optimism at some point along the way and that will give my brain the jump to light speed that it needs for me to relax and feel safe again.
This ‘update’ doesn’t predict a future. I have no preconceived ideas about how this might pan out. I just thought that an update could be beneficial.
Beneficial to ME in my selfish need for some validation of where I am and what I’m going through. For ME to be able to try to get it all on ‘paper’ so that I can help myself try to understand where I am. For ME to see a progression, no matter how up-and-down it has been.
Beneficial for OTHERS who may have a story like mine or PARTIALLY like mine who will be able to see themselves in this writing and be able to feel less alone. Beneficial maybe to all of us who might have a Bad Motivator.
Thanks for reading, my fucked up comrades. Sorry you are here in this sub. It’s a truly shitty place to need to be. I appreciate all of you. Without this sub and the people in it I think I might literally not be around. Here’s to you and your futures. May you find some peace.
Fuck these affairs.

Part 1
Chicago, 2016. Flinn Gerald is doing his best to make it in the city. Born in Selma, Alabama, he has spent his entire life trying to escape the ever tightening grasp of his small town. But alas, he made it out and is adapting to life in the big city. With a big fancy corporate job, an endless supply of friends, an apartment with a stunning view of the lake, and great distance from his family, what more could he need? Well, there is a lot more (or less) that he needs, but of course that is a story for later.
On a typical Tuesday night at a bar, the regulars crowd in. Flinn is late, as usual, as he stayed late at work (again), but on his arrival, the cheers and hugs from all the friends make everyone forget of the regular inconvenience. Conversation ensued, starting with all the boring finance jargon, but as the drinks flowed, so did the conversation, moving away from work and more into life. This is what everyone preferred.
“Another round, anyone?” asked Raheem, enthusiastically. After a murmur of concurrence, he stood up to make his way up to the bar. “Flinn, care to lend a hand?”
Raheem Bartlett was Flinn’s college roommate and the first person he met outside of his hometown. The pair hit it off instantly despite having wildly different backgrounds. Even in their freshman year, the engineer and the finance major would get into all sorts of trouble together, but eventually they leveled out. Six years later, they still have each other’s backs just like day one.
The pair made their way up to the bar and waited to get the bartender's attention. “What's up with you, bro?” asked Raheem. “You’ve been seeming a bit off.”
“Oh, ya know. Work, life, everything kinda happens so fast. Work has been busy as of late, and the hours long.”
Seeming displeased by this answer, Raheem stared back in concern.
“Really, I’m fine… just long hours.”
“Back in school you’d pull back to back all-nighters and then still make it to a morning class. I find it hard to believe that the mighty Flinn would be so setback by ‘long hours’.”
Flinn took a moment to ponder, staring down at the bar covered in various stamps and postcards beneath the epoxy surface. “I guess, ya know, it's not all it was cracked up to be. I guess I had expected more.” Flinn had mostly dropped his accent, but occasionally it would still slip out.
Despite coming from a long line of mill workers (mostly paper) and farm hands who never ventured further than the Dallas county line, Flinn yearned to leave his small town and conquer the world from a young age. Coming from the poorest county in Alabama, his family always squashed his dreams, labeling them as impossible. But Flinn knew better. Or, at least he knew he could do better. Graduating top of his class a year early and winning a full-ride scholarship to Northwestern University, he had proved everyone wrong and set his own path. The path he was told was impossible became his reality.
“More what?”
“Nothing, really. I mean, what more is there? This is what I always wanted, right? The stable job in the city, never having to worry about money. It’s great, and I couldn’t be more grateful, but… something is missing. Doing the same thing day after day staring at a screen, moving clients money around. I… just hoped it would be more fulfilling, especially after all it took to get here.”
Before he could finish his thought, the bartender came up to take their order: another round for the table, plus a round of shots, plus two more shots.
“What am I saying, really?” added Flinn. “I shouldn’t be complaining. Look at where I am now compared to six years ago. So much has changed. My home, friends, even my diet. I just feel a bit off. Like I need something more to do..
“I get it, bro. Adjusting to your new life can be rough. Enjoy it for a minute or two.” Raheem slides a shot in front of Flinn. “Here, take this.”
Tuesday had become fairly consistent to this point for this group of misfits: Raheem and his girlfriend Amy; Jack; Jasper, from Flinn’s firm, and his wife Max; and of course, Flinn. For nearly two years, these six have been meeting at O’Malley’s every Tuesday night for drinks and trivia. Some nights are more wild than others, but Tuesday has become the staple of the week among them.
Drinks flowed pretty regularly and heavy over the next few hours as the clock approached the end of day. Still going round for round on alternating tabs, the useless debates began to heat up.
“You can’t seriously think Wicker Park is the best neighborhood outside the Loop. Y’all need to get out more,” said Flinn.
“Bro it’s obviously Wicker Park,” argued Raheem.” Right on the blue line, getting to O’Hare is insanely easy, plus you can’t find better music in the city. Besides, Wicker Park has Davenport’s.”
“No one ever says Wicker Park,” adds Jack. “Have you ever heard someone say Wicker Park before?”
“Dude, but you can obviously get to O’Hare from anywhere in the city,” said Flinn
“Sure, but beats walking through that dumb Block 37 Center transfer like you and your red line. No transfer is the way to go, plus the blue line gets you right to the center of the loop.”
“So does every other L line as long as ya don’t mind walking a few blocks!”
“You’re both wrong,” adds Max. “Neither matters because Midway is better anyways.”
“Woah!” the whole table murmurs, sharing shocked looks as if she just confessed to a crime. Flinn rolled his eyes at this notion.
“Who flies out of Midway?” asks Raheem.
“What? Less people, cheaper flights, and more space. Why wouldn’t I fly out of Midway?” said Max.
“Wait, wait, that aside,” interrupts Raheem, “can we go back to the fact that Jasper thinks Sheffield is the best neighborhood? I feel like we moved past that too quickly.”
The debate rages on for many more minutes, until Flinn, seemingly out of nowhere, had enough.
“Can y’all just shut the fuck up! Why does it even matter?” Everyone’s glance quickly shot over to Flinn as a deafening silence overtook the table. Everyone pondered how to respond, and couldn’t seem to find an answer. This behavior from Flinn was unexpected, nay, unheard of. Flinn was the most level headed amongst them by far. Not even Raheem, his best friend of six years, had ever seen him get angry, let alone over an inconsequential friendly argument. “I…” Not even Flinn knew what to say next. “I’m going to go home. Long day tomorrow.” Already on his feet, he quickly walked away from the table and out the door.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The walk home was fairly brisk, but Flinn had grown fond of the cold. He tucked his hands into his coat pocket and hunched his shoulders forward, only looking down at the pavement ignoring the mostly asleep but still wide awake city surrounding him. His thoughts ran wild and near out of control. Of course, his intoxication did not help with clarity, but the inner dialogue was deafening. Not even he knew what was bothering him, but he was obviously bothered, deeply. He made a fool of himself in a way he never had before, and right now he felt he did not recognize himself. Surely some sleep will help, right?
He slowly made his way down the steps to the platform, carefully watching each step as to not fall, to wait for his train. He posted up against a pillar and stared off onto the dark, empty tracks. What has gotten into me? He did his best to calm his racing, wasted mind searching for some legibility amongst his thoughts.
Once he finally got home, he slumped down on the couch and scarfed down some week-old sushi he found in the fridge. He turned on some old documentary and was asleep before he knew it.
Suddenly, he was woken up by his phone ringing. It usually does not ring this time of night and was less than thrilled to be woken, so he let it keep ringing. It stopped after a couple of seconds, and he glanced down at the screen:
Mama
(2) missed calls
Dad
(1) missed call
Now concerned, he calls his mom back in a hurry. “Hello?”
“Flinn? Your grandfather, he’s dead.”
Part 2
The wet air engulfed Flinn’s face as he stepped out the airport doors into a warm February day. Six years had passed since he smelled the Alabama air. Even after all this time, it still smells just as he had remembered as if not even a day had passed. The drive to Selma was another ninety minutes, and despite having five days to mentally prepare himself for his arrival, it was not nearly enough time. He had not seen or spoken to anyone from his town, not even family, since he left early that August morning all those years ago. He left everything behind to start his new life. The life so many told him to not start, that he needed to stay. He left anyway and never looked back.
That was, until now. He had little choice in this regard. He knew he would have to make his return someday, but he knew not when nor for what. But today was that day. Flinn and his grandfather (Pops) had always been close. If anyone had been supportive of him, it’d have been Pops, but he was a man of little words. Even when he could talk, he hardly chose to. He was a great listener, and not just because he could not speak. He showed he was engaged and listening no matter what Flinn had to say. At times, he felt Pops was the only one who understood him as if he had been just like him before, but no one would ever talk about his past. All Flinn knew is Pops lost his tongue after a failed lynching.
The familiarity of the scenery zipping past was bittersweet. He had not realized how much he missed the rolling hills and thick forests beneath the unforgiving southern sky. He kept his head pressed against the cool glass of the car window even through the constant bumps in the road. He couldn’t look away. So many memories happened here, and the closer he got, the more plentiful the memories became, and the more potent they were, and the more painful they’d become.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the dust settled behind him, he stood on the driveway staring at his childhood home still unsure how to process his emotions. It was all so overwhelming. He was thinking everything at once. He took a deep breath, rolled back his shoulders, and swallowed. He reached for the door handle, hesitating slightly, and took a step in. One foot, and then the next.
“Martin!” Flinn smiled as his old friend and childhood dog rushed towards him without hesitation. He knelt down and embraced him as Martin excitedly rustled through his arms seemingly showing more energy than he had in years.
He walked down the hall and around the corner into the living room. There, both drawn to the large television like moths to a flame, he saw his parents sitting beside one another on the couch watching some daytime program with their backs to him. They seemed to pay no notice to the commotion at the front door nor the loud creaking footsteps he took along the old wooden floors. They knew he was there; they just chose to ignore him. He walked into view to greet them. "Mama, dad." His father smiled slightly but caught himself and refrained.
Mama kept a straight face, but seemed to be fighting tears."Howard, help Flinn with his bags, dear."
“No, it's alright, I know where to take them,” said Flinn. “How are y’all?”
“Service is tomorrow at eleven down at the ole First Baptist Church. Make sure to wear something nice.”
“Alright, mama. I’ll... I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Whole family is coming tonight. Dinner is served at...”
“At seven, I got it, just as always.”
“It’s good to see you, kid.” said his dad. “Let me know if you need anything”
He did not expect things to go like that, not that he knew what to expect. He had hoped time would have been more forgiving. Perhaps leaving unannounced in the middle of the night was not the best plan, but at the time he felt as if he had no other choice. Everyone knew he was leaving. That was no secret and had not been for years before any plan had actually been set into motion. No one knew the date or time, except for Pops, of course, but he’d never tell. Of course he wanted everyone to know. He wanted everyone to be proud of him, but it was too big of a risk and commendations were too much to expect. Besides, Mama always had her schemes, and had she known, she would have found a way to stop him.
Not much had changed since he’d been here last. The old wood paneling still lined nearly all the walls, crack in some spots, replaced in others, but all coated by decades of cigarette soot. On the walls were a combination of family portraits from over the years and cheap artwork found at the flea market. Old green furniture, too many house plants to count, and a tacky themed kitchen, it was all still the same.
His childhood bedroom, however, was much different. Hardly even recognizable, what was once his bedroom was now a storage room filled with endless shelves and boxes. He set his things on the lonely cot in the corner, sat down, and took it all in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not realizing he had drifted off, Flinn awoke and looked at the clock. 6:55. Convenient. He sat up and brushed his hair down with his hand as he suspected it was sticking up in the usual way. He rubbed his eyes and made his way to the dining room. The whole family was there, probably about twenty people or so, all scattered about throughout the kitchen, dining room, and living room engaged in various conversations. His nana, aunt, and Mama were cooking away putting the final touches on the large meal.
“Well if it isn’t this fucker…” said a familiar voice to his left, laughing. Flinn looked over to see his cousin who’s just a year younger than him.
“DeAndre, how are you?”
“Never thought I’d see you again, even since you left. Thought maybe you ‘ood be dead.”
“Nah,” Flinn laughed. “Still very much alive.”
“I can see dat. Wearin’ your fancy suit and all.”
“Yeah I’ve been doing pretty well. Work has been… good. I have a great job at a finance firm in Chicago. Everything has been… Good. Yeah, good. How about you?”
“Now you ain’t goin’ city on us, are you?”
Flinn laughed. “I think I might already be.”
Just as dinner was finishing up, a line started to form and people found a seat wherever they could, be it at the table, on the couch, near the counter, or outside.
“Flinn!” his dad called out. “I saved ya a seat here at the table, kid.”
Flinn took his seat right next to his dad which positioned him right across from Mama. The table could sit eight, and the seats filled in pretty quickly so he was lucky to get one. Besides his sister, all of the oldest family members took the other four chairs.
The dinner itself was mostly uneventful, except for the food of course which was extraordinary. Flinn had not eaten Mama’s cooking, or anything like it in six years. The southern food in Chicago was alright, but nothing like what you can get down here, and no restaurant is going to have the same quality and taste as a home-cooked meal. By God, he had not realized how much he needed this. It was almost healing, like a part of his soul had been lost and he found it once again. The last week had been incredibly overwhelming, and last Saturday he never foresaw being here now, but he was glad he was, regardless of the looming tension. All the stress from work and life back home in Chicago was now all gone. All he had to worry about was… oh yeah, the family drama. The dreaded interactions, what he had suppressed for so long, that had kept him up at night for years. All those long nights doing homework or anything else beside sleeping. They had not been by choice but rather necessity. He would have slept more if he could, and some of those nights he really needed to, but instead was kept motivated by the pain. The pain of knowing no matter what he did, no matter how successful in life he became, he would never be good enough for his family, good enough for Mama, because he left them.
If there ever was a time to clear his conscience and get everything out of the way, it would be today, or at least over the next couple of days. When else would he have the chance? Not that any of this had been planned, and his therapist would probably advise against it. She did not even know he was here. What would she have to say? Avoiding conflict has always been his choice. He has always been quiet, never been at the center of drama, but some things need to be said. Just, maybe not by him. If he waited long enough, perhaps they would come up on their own. So he decided to wait, but he knew time was limited and he could not wait forever.
“Mama, could you pass the butter?”
Mama just stared back at him. “Get ya own damn buttah, since ya can do everything else on ya own.”
Flinn stands up and reaches for the butter. “I can do everything myself, and I have. I hope you’re proud, Mama.”
“Proud? What do I have to be proud of?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe my job, my degree, everything I have been able to do to build a good life for myself.”
“I don hear anything worthy of praise.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Mama.”
“Oh, so now you’re sorry? You could’ve fooled me. Is that how you felt when you left? Unbelievable.”
“I left because I had no other choice.”
“Oh don go lyin’ to me now. You did have a choice. You had a choice and you chose to leave us. You didn’t say goodbye, and you were just gone in the mornin’.”
“If I had not just left, you would’ve stopped me.”
“Cause you ain’t got no reason to go nowhere.”
“I had plenty of reasons to want to leave, and not because of you. I’ve always had dreams, Mama, ya know that. I’ve always been bigger than just this town.”
“Oh, so now you’re too good for us, city boy? Huh? I don wanna hear no more of it.”
“It wasn’t about that, Mama. Look at all I’ve been able to do.”
“I ain’t see nothin’. You never call and you never visit. How am I supposed to know what you been doin’?”
“I thought you didn’t want me coming around any more?”
“Well, you’ve got that right. Glad to see you still have some brains left.”
“Well excuse me. Maybe it's best if I leave again. Sorry I ain’t make you proud, Mama.” Flinn got up and left the table.
Part 3
Just as the early light began to peak through the blinds, Flinn was woken up by a firm knock at his door. “Flinn, may I come in? It's Uncle Terrence.”
Flinn sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Yep, come in.”
“How are you this morning, kid? Ya know, she’ll never admit it, but ya Mama missed ya.”
“I find it hard to believe.” Deep down Flinn knew it was true, but she was hard as a rock, and arrogant. She would always find a way to be right, even when she knew she was wrong, and she would never let you know she knew she was wrong.
“Well, we’re all proud of you, kid.” Flinn hated when Terrence and everyone called him kid. “Just wish yoo’d come around and see us every once in a while. I know ya busy with all the big city stuff and all.”
“I thought no one wanted anything to do with me any more?”
“At first, maybe, but I miss ya, kid. Ya know who missed ya most of all?”
“Pops?”
“Yes, of course. He always wanted to know about ya, every time I’d come round. He couldn’t call, but always wanted me to.”
“I should have called.”
“I think everyone wanted to call, but as time went on, it became harder and harder to push that button. It was already so hard at first, and only got harder.”
“I thought about everyone a lot, especially at first. Leaving was really hard, and I almost didn’t, but I always wanted more. I didn’t want to spend my whole life in this town, and if I had not left when I did I probably never would have. But it was still hard. I wanted to go home so many times, but I convinced myself no one wanted me here no more or that y’all would’ve said ‘I told ya so’ or sum bullshit. No one wanted me around any more and I had left, so I was stuck on the path I chose. And I’m happy, and I’ve done so much, but it’s never been easy.”
“Pops was a lot like you when he was your age. Set on leaving as quickly as he could. Things were different back then, not that they are any better now, but Hank... my brother… Pops, was just like you.”
“What changed?”
“Well, he never did. Just no one talks about it anymore. After what happened on that day, they blamed his behavior. Said he should’ve played it safe and he’d still have his tongue.”
“No one has ever told me the story.”
“And they won’t. It changed the whole family.”
“But you’ll tell me?”
“Only if you promise not to tell. I don need an earful from ya Mama.”
“I promise.”
“Hank couldn’t be confined to Selma, just like you. He joined the army right out of high school, and after he was done in Lebanon, he didn’t go straight home.”
“Where did he go?”
“Everywhere but here. He used the small amount of money he got from the army and went anywhere that would let him in. Across Europe, parts of Asia, Northern Africa, even parts of South America. Of course, a young black man traveling by himself at the time was challenging, but Hank could hold his own pretty well. He still ran into all sorts of trouble. He spent more nights in jail than he would have liked, but he would have done it all again if he could.”
“What happened when he got back?”
“He was much different, but for the better. He couldn’t wait to get back out there again. He had confidence like I had never seen before. That’s what got him in trouble not too long after.”
“How’d he lose his tongue? I’m guessing that is what changed everything.”
“When he got back, he got involved with a girl, I think her name was Susan. She was the mayor’s daughter. They snuck around for a while. Their relationship was not acceptable, especially to her father. If he found out, Hank would be in a lot of trouble, and of course eventually he did find out. He spent about a month in jail in just awful conditions even for the time. They didn’t have anything to hold him on so eventually they had to let him go. About a week after he got out, he was walking downtown and some guys grabbed him. He took him out to a field and tried to lynch him. Luckily, they failed and he survived, but they took his tongue as a warning. He was never the same after that. All of his confidence was gone, and of course he couldn’t speak no more.”
Flinn did not know how to respond. It all made sense now: why the family so desperately wanted him to stay, why they were so hurt by him leaving, and why they’d feared who he was becoming. They were all traumatized and wanted to protect him. They did not want him to suffer the same fate as Pops.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The funeral itself was fairly uneventful and went nearly as perfectly as expected. The church filled in with hardly any empty seats, tears were shed, and speeches were given. Pops touched the lives of almost everyone he met, and they came to show it. After the service was the reception, and yet again, the food was spectacular. Everyone got along just fine today and there was no more residual drama, at least for now. Today was Pops’ day.
After the reception, the family gathered back at Mama’s house for the reading of the will. Pops did not have many possessions, at least not of monetary value, but what he did have was meaningful in other ways. He was very clear on who he wanted to give off, and handpicked what would be most substantial to each person.
Everyone gathered around much as they did at dinner, and the lawyer began his reading:
I, Hank Gerald, a resident in the City of Selma, County of Dallas, State of Alabama, being of sound mind, not acting under duress or undue influence, and fully understanding the nature and extent of all my property and of this disposition thereof, hereby make, publish, and declare this document to be my Last Will and Testament, and hereby absolutely revoke any and all other wills and amendments previously made by me.
The reading went on for some time as there were many beneficiaries. Flinn began to daydream about what could be left for him. Flinn was not a very sentimental person, so trinkets and heirlooms paid him little interest. Perhaps his car, or maybe money. Something that will be useful to him.
To my dear brother, Terrence, I leave my 1964 Pontiac GTO and all tools and parts associated and necessary with/for the running and upkeep of the vehicle.
The further down the list he went, less was given, but this is to be expected. As the end of the list neared, Flinn began to wonder what would be left for him if anything at all. The will had been in order of age, to this point, so he should be up soon.
To my Granddaughter, Nia,...
Nia? She's younger than me… Flinn thought.
I leave her my grandmother’s locket containing a picture of my Grandfather before he left for the Great War. She looked at it everyday to keep the memory of him alive until he eventually returned to her alive.
How could he skip me? Perhaps I should have called, or never left. Flinn got lost in his own thoughts and barely paid attention to the rest of the will. He and Pops were so close, and he never imagined he would be taken out of the will. But that is my own fault, afterall. I left, and I never even care to call. He died, and I never even said goodbye.
Just as Flinn began to accept the consequences of his actions, they got to the last beneficiary listed in the will:
Finally, to my oldest Grandson, Flinn, who is more and more like me than I ever could have wished to have been, I leave my journal. I hope whenever you need the motivation, you read it to find the meaning you are looking for in life.
Part 4
Flinn sat at his desk unable to focus. It was fairly slow for a Friday, but he still had work to do. After a chaotic weekend back home in Alabama, he was ready to settle back into his monotonous routine. The experience had been healing in some regards, but still left a lot unanswered. What did he mean by finding the meaning in life? Flinn wondered as he flipped through the endless pages of Pops’ journal, all filled with endless recounts, drawings, symbols, and pictures from his travels, just as he had since Monday. The journal consumed his whole attention, and nothing else seemed important enough to focus on. He had even ditched his friends all week which he never does.
He is supposed to meet Raheem for drinks tonight, but now he is wondering if he even wants to go. There is just too much in his head right now. He just wants to be alone. 12:37. The clock is moving too slowly. Flinn clears his calendar for the rest of the day and decides to go home.
At home, he still finds himself flipping through the pages of the journal, not even reading them but just looking at them. Again and again, he flips through until he has enough. He drops the journal on his lap and stares off into the distance at the gorgeous view of Lake Michigan. The endless city and skyline take up most of the horizon until it just stops, cut off by the endless ocean-like lake. He stares at it for quite a while until something catches his eye. He has seen this before. Well, of course he has. He lives here and this is his view everyday. But he knows he has seen it somewhere else.
He picks the journal back up and flips through in a hurry. There it is. He holds the journal up to the window to show a matching two-page drawing of this exact view. Well, not exact. It is a slightly different angle, but it was close enough. Pops was here. He would have loved visiting. I should have invited him. This made Flinn sad, and he threw the journal down on the table in frustration.
Just then, that is when he noticed it. There was a page sticking out from the journal, but it was not like the rest. The page was white and pristine, aside from a few wrinkles, as if it was new, whereas the rest of the journal showed its age. He rushed over to grab it. He opened it to find a letter, addressed to him:
Grandson, When you left, I knew that you would accomplish everything you set out to do. I also knew, however, you would find yourself lost someday, returning home for answers. I was hoping I’d be able to give you those answers myself, but as time goes on that seems less likely. I too found myself lost, and I knew not why. I had gone and seen the world, and it changed me, but I was still not fulfilled. I came home still looking for the answers, and it took a while, but eventually I did find them.
Through this journal, I hope to share my findings so that you too, when you are lost, find the answers you seek. Whenever you are ready, follow my journey and the clues I have left for you. Go out and see the world, just as I did. You will find that what you want from life is less than what you expect.
I hope the experiences you have are less harsh than my own, but still be careful. The world has changed a lot, but still not enough. But don’t skip ahead for the meaning may be lost. Take only one step at a time, and when it comes time to take the next step, it will reveal itself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seven o’clock rolls around and Flinn walks into the bar to meet Raheem. He hasn’t seen Raheem, or anyone else from the group, since last Tuesday when he had his outburst. He begins by telling the story of the events of this last weekend, but leaves out the parts about Pops’ past.
"Pops left me a hidden letter.”
“What do you mean?” asked Raheem.
“Like in his journal, I found a hidden letter. It was addressed to me.”
“What did it say, bro?”
“He says he was a lot like me when he was my age. He wants me to go where he went and learn what he did.”
“In Alabama?”
“No, everywhere but there. He wants me to start in Western Europe and follow his clues around the world.”
“He traveled?”
“A lot, apparently. I never knew. He was in the army, and after he got out, he traveled… everywhere, basically.”
“Why did no one tell you?”
“They wanted to keep me safe, I guess.
"They wanted to keep the whole family safe after what happened to him.”
“What do you mean, bro. What happened?”
“I can’t talk about it, but it doesn’t matter now anyways. I’m living a different life now.” Flinn never shared much about his past or his family with anyone, not even Raheem. It has always been a mystery. This was the most he had ever shared with him.
“Well, are you going to go?”
“No, I can’t. I have work. It took too much to get here. I can’t just give it away.”
“It’ll still be here when you get back, bro.”
“If only it was that simple.”
“It can be. You have money saved up. Chicago isn’t going anywhere. We’re not going anywhere. Plus, you’ve always talked about traveling more. Why don’t you take some time to do it.”
“I suppose, but I like my life here.”
“If you don’t do it now, when will you? You’ve taken a leap before, why not take another one. You’re smart, you’ll land on your feet, bro. Besides, your grandfather thought it was important enough to not only give you his journal, but hide you a letter for you to find when you needed it most. Maybe now is when you needed it most. You’re way too stressed at work anyways, and I can tell you’ve been off for a while now. Perhaps some change could give you what you need.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On Monday morning, when Flinn gets to work, he walked straight to his boss's office. He turned in his letter of resignation.
Two weeks later, he took the red line to the blue line to O’Hare. Journal in hand, he boarded a flight to Dublin.

Chapter 21:【Tales of Fire and Ice】
“Well, well well!” Crowley triumphantly announced. “Wu Zeitan has stolen Tsukuyomi’s precious scabbard and thus made him very angry! Will he get it back? Will he win? Will the fight turn out to be rigged in order to sell Tsukuyomi-themed peanut butter? All those questions will be answered!”
Upon seeing the enraged countenance of the young god on the battlefield, the King of Demons grasped his chin in thought silently, before pondering to himself with a smirk, “…Who would have thought that gods could be so attached to toys that aren’t made of flesh?”
“Oh my Nun!” Thoth gasped. “It’s beautiful! I wish I could get a closer look!”
“Ahh.” Crowley sighed. “Nothing like some good old-fashioned Grand Larceny.”
“That damn brat!” Izanagi snarled. “How dare she lay her hands on a divine treasure!” Amaterasu just watched, her smile looking almost amused.
Standing on guard nearby them was a goddess with short brownish hair and an oni mask covering her mouth, lightly armored over her kimono, an equally ornate scabbard at her hip. She put a hand to her waist and looked towards the arena in slight annoyance.
“Jeez, at least treat it with some proper respect…” she muttered, her tone sharp and irritated.
Catching the reflection of light, the sheath was subliminally visible to the entire world. It shone brighter than any platinum, encapsulated by the shadows created by the engraved design on the sheath. Holding it high above her, Wu smiled gently, like a flower amidst blossoming.
On the other side, the emperors of China fumed in various degrees of shock to apprehension.
“That girl! She’s always so materialistic!” Emperor Gaozong scolded, his knuckles white as he clutched the arms of his throne. Meanwhile, his son was almost folded entirely against the short wall between the arena and the stands, looking almost hysterical. Qin Shi Huang himself housed a frown upon his face, his brows slightly scrunched in scrutiny. Dionysus smiled almost knowingly, swirling his wine in his glass as he waited…
Distances away from the distracted empress, the young god let out a final shaking breath. He knew there would be whispers in the audience all around the castle, coming down to berate him, to affront him, to criticize him.
He refused to listen. Instead, he looked forward and sternly demanded, “Give it back! You have no right to—”
The words of the young god woke Wu from her trance and her hands snapped at the young god with such speed that it was shocking she didn’t break her own neck. Zetian rushed towards Tsukuyomi, forcing the disarmed god to instinctively take a defensive stance.
“Hahaha! I’ll beat you to death with this beauty!” The Empress proclaimed, before she swung the scabbard at Tsukuyomi’s head, forcing him to dodge to the side, at which point she delivered another, even faster strike at his waist. The sheer force of the attack knocked the god to the ground, unable to recover..
Or so she thought, before jutting her head backwards to dodge out of the way of Tsukuyomi’s roundhouse kick. “I was given more methods to defend myself than just a sword!” The moon god shouted, as his father’s words echoed in his mind:
‘What if you were to be disarmed? Do not solely rely on your weapons. Make your body itself a deadly blade.’
It was hard for him to adjust to the new style of combat…he could not rely on his innate gifts to help him. Tsukuyomi gritted his teeth, and pressed forward to master his parents’ teachings. His mother had taught him how to harness the flow of power in all things, and his father had taught him the relentless, graceful martial techniques of the angels. And now, he pressed onward, striking with both in tandem. Flowing, ferocious strikes rained down, each strike leading into another, each shift of Tsukuyomi’s feet, another barrage. The rapid offense forced Zetian to put up her guard, an amused grin on her face.
“So you want to try and beat me at my own game, eh?~ Hahaha! Bring it on then, you arrogant little shit!”
“Out of all of our glorious father’s offsprings, Tsukuyomi may well be the best when it comes to hand to hand combat.” Metatron proclaimed from the stands, earning a glorious nod from Michael. A slight, nervous-sounding giggle was heard from next to Lucifer, coming from a goddess in a white and gold kimono- she’d dressed as well as possible for this match.
“Haha…he really is. Both me and your father can attest to that. He’s always worked especially hard on it and his swordsmanship…I’m proud of him.” Izanami said. A soft smile was on her face, clearly more confident than usual as she watched her son fighting in the arena.
Lucifer breathed a deep sigh next to them, gaze glued to his son. “If only Tsukuyomi understood that himself. He focuses so much on what he can’t do that he overlooks what he can…”
Back in the arena, Tsukuyomi dropped low and dragged his foot, attempting to sweep out Wu’s legs from his position. However, the Empress jumped away laughing, having the time of her life. “Hahaha! So fun!” She spun the scabbard in her hand, taunting the moon god further with its presence.
Tsukuyomi looked more determined than ever, raising his eyes from the ground. “I can do this…”
“I can reclaim it,” his conviction echoed. However, mired with the light that shone from the gluttonous eyes of the Empress who had claimed his scabbard, he had forgotten the true purpose of their showdown. A corner of Wu's lips twitched.
Tsukuyomi jumped to his feet and charged to grapple her, opening his arms wide.
“Kyaa!” She yelped, causing several members of the audience to gape in shock. “The pervert is trying to grope me!”
The moon god’s face tinged red. “N-no, I-” He started, abashed. Sensing the release of tension in the god’s arms, Wu struck.
“Just kidding~ You’re mine!” Wu grinned as she bashed the god’s face in with his scabbard, several teeth flying out of his mouth joined with spots of blood. As his senses were clouded, the empress wound her legs back, and sent her powerful knee toward the god’s defenseless stomach. At the last second, Tsukuyomi raised his forearm to block the strike, while his opponent drew distance between them with the tap of her boots as her feet met with the ground.
“E-eh…?!” Izanami stammered, clearly caught off guard and very much concerned. She blinked a couple of times as if trying to process what she had just seen.
Dionysus gorged himself on another glass of crimson wine before letting out a childlike giggle. “Ahh~ Such an intimate fight~ My favorite~ They only lack oil on their bodies~”
Qin Shi Huang raised an eyebrow at him. “This isn’t that sort of fight. But you would wish it was, wouldn’t you?”
“Let's play some more!” Wu exclaimed to the heavens, before rushing at Tsukuyomi with her heart aflame.
The moon god was still flustered. “Is.. is this just a game for you?” Then, his face hardened. “I suppose that's better for me then…”
His life flashed before him as his precious sheath ripped through the air towards his face. The wild empress swang it with an unparalleled, furious desire. Tsukuyomi brought his palm up and directed the blow above him, before he swung his left arm upwards, with the momentum gained- towards the side of Zetian’s disabled arm. His strike landed square on the empress’ jaw; causing her to rip her arm back up and hit Tsukuyomi with utterly explosive force, a force that was much to her surprise, only able to knock him a couple of feet away. Tsukuyomi shoved her back into a clumsy stumble as she looked down at her arm with utter shock. The arm that had performed the whip-like strike had been cleanly dislocated, and despite Zetian’s martial prowess and strength, it wouldn’t be moving anytime soon. This was Tsukuyomi’s chance.
‘No matter how much you dull the pain you receive, you’re still no more durable than usual. You can trick your brain, but not your body…’ A sense of confidence captured Tsukuyomi’s mind for a fraction of a second, before he became focused once more. While Wu stared at her arm with a blank yet curious look, Tsukuyomi jumped forward and brought his hands to the sheath. She snapped out of her dazed state and attempted to grip it further, but the young god did something unexpected.
His hand went to the opening of the sheath, and from it, he drew a pearlescent blade of light into his hands.
“I swear, everyone gets an infinite sword generator nowadays!” Crowley mused.
Izanami smiled, watching her son go back on the offensive. “Umm…You’ve got this! Don’t back down!”
Pushing his leg back and raising the blade, Tsukuyomi then launched himself towards the retreating Wu and sliced down at the remains of her garment with chilling precision. Occasional blows would tear at her flesh and freeze the blood into crystals of dreadful gore. Her movements remained unsteady due to his earlier dazing strike- and Tsukuyomi took full advantage, slashing rapidly with his blade of light. His attacks were precise, intended to land as many blows as possible while Wu’s defenses were staggered, targeting the areas where she was faltering the most.
‘This is going somewhat well, but to think I would fight this sloppily…’ Tsukuyomi chastised himself internally, his sorrowful demeanor resurging. He wanted to end the fight as soon as possible. And he seized the chance to do it at this very moment, he circled behind Wu and brought his foot round to Wu’s hip with melancholy vigor, knocking the empress to her knees, before using his momentum and full strength to swing his blade towards her exposed neck. But just in time, Wu fully recovered from her daze and hastily moved the sheath to stop her foe’s blade. Sparks flashed as Tsukuyomi’s arms trembled. Through the cool air, there was a small noise that resounded, a very distinct crack. As Tsukuyomi gazed up at the place where their blows met, his eyes blew wide with realization.
Where the wings of an Angel were engraved on the sheath, a light fracture began to emerge upon their midline. Sparks fell to the ground in mourning as a burst of emotion encompassed Tsukuyomi’s mind. His vision tunneled, staring solely at that fracture in horror. A shaky breath escaped him. ‘No, no! Father!’ He wished to turn to look through the castle windows at his father at this moment, but he could not let himself move. ‘I’m sorry…! I didn’t mean to—’
A sudden movement caught his eyes, and before he could resolve himself from his uncontrolled horror, Zetian struck at him ferociously. Spinning around as she rose to her feet, her arm arced towards him in a motion new to all in the arena, herself included- a newly created weapon of carnage. Her demonic eyes saw all of the world around her and how it could break, and her body itched to utterly crush it, her bones and muscles moving on their own. Zetian’s enhanced mind and ruthless battle instinct had combined in a stroke of sudden martial genius. The only thing left to do was to swing the weapon that they had given her. The Empress let out a battle cry to the heavens as Tsukuyomi attempted to retreat away, still looking at the cracks of the sheath as he raised his guard. And in that moment…the arm Tsukuyomi had thought unusable swung upwards at him, almost like a life-reaping sickle of flesh and blood, slicing through the air audibly and slipping right past his guard. The god of the moon gasped as his opponent grinned savagely.
WHITE TIGER’S ASSAULT
He tried to dodge backward- to block would be too risky. But even that wasn’t enough. Four claw marks tore Tsukuyomi’s clothes into pieces as they slashed into his chest and stomach, causing the moon god to cry out in shocked agony. Droplets of blood flew towards the face of the deranged mortal, which she licked from her cheek with a gleeful smile.
“Oh my!” Thoth gasped. “Zetian has unleashed a truly horrifying technique!”
The Wine God of Greece spoke out above the confused outrage, “How fancy~! It must have been the wind~ She attacked with such a concentrated force that the air itself sliced into Tsu-chan~ You can even see the cuts on the castle walls”
“Tsukuyomi!” cried out Izanami. Her eyes were wide and panicked. She took a deep breath and clutched the sides of her chair tightly, trembling for a moment.
Tsukuyomi cringed in pain as he looked back towards the horrible, blood-soaked beast before him. Its crimson eyes bore into his soul. “My my~ Perhaps I misjudged you.” It said mockingly as it turned off Demon Mind. “You are quite the skilled fighter yourself. Did your daddy teach you that as well?~”
The capricious mockery echoed throughout Tsukuyomi's very being. His bones recoiled in distress and his blood boiled. Yet his mind remained still. Was it enlightenment? Had he realized something? What had the young god come to understand?
Deep in the wilderness of Helheim…
Since his first venture into the underworld, it was clear to all that Tsukuyomi’s skills had truly blossomed. His blade’s movements were graceful, precise, and true, and the hazy light reflected off it had become just as elegant. Dim yet brilliant, shining gentle within each skillful strike. That was the beauty Tsukuyomi’s blade had achieved.
Yet today, the god of the moon saw no beauty in the light he had honed.
Below him lay a lifeless oni of Helheim, a great and feared devil, but to Tsukuyomi, little more than a milestone in his training. And now, yet another reason for him to be ashamed. Severe, deep, and decidedly inelegant gashes surrounded by ice covered the oni’s corpse, his face frozen forever in a twisted howl of agony. He had died with his eyes open. However, there was a twisted artistry to the slashes that had ended him- the crescent smoothness of those brutal slashes, the way they flowed into and around each other, visible even after the slaughter, had bloomed into a beautiful pattern of icy carnage.
This was what Tsukuyomi had trained for. This was the mastery he wanted to attain.
After all, he had finally managed to properly channel his light.
It was a moment he would remember forever. The moonlight had seared itself into his mind. The writhing, dying screams of the oni, the crackling of flesh, and the hollow sound of his blade striking true. When that massive, once-mighty corpse fell to the ground, his battle-tested club clattering to the ground beside him, Tsukuyomi only felt a rush of relief. Where had the adrenaline of victory gone? Had this been a battle, or an execution?
Tsukuyomi took a few deep breaths and sheathed his sword with a trembling arm, nearly cutting himself by accident, as if he couldn’t stand to look at it or away from the corpse. The reality that it was a weapon of war and not art was sobering. But this was his fault. Neither the blade or the light were stained with blood, rather, it was he who wielded them. He had destroyed instead of protecting, and caused another to die in agony. He had broken his promise, and over something as pitiful as his lack of mastery. For the first time in years, Tsukuyomi’s gentle heart began to ache and waver.
He buried the oni with his club before returning home.
The next day…
The winds of the mountaintop felt harsher than usual, howling like the wails of the damned. But Tsukuyomi simply ignored them. Again and again, without a moment of pause, he swung his radiant sword. The same combinations, the same movements, the same strikes, over and over, with moonlight coursing through each maddening repetition. His usual resolve had given way to almost manic determination. Izanami watched him silently. She had noticed the strange look in his eyes as soon as he’d returned from his battle, but trusting her son, had decided to give him some space to think. Perhaps he’d find some clarity during the day’s training.
Clarity, however, seemed farther away with each swing. Tsukuyomi’s eyes were almost bloodshot. He’d been training for hours before the break of dawn. Everything had melted away long ago, save for the blade and the reason he was swinging it. His own pure and immutable inadequacy. Even keeping a single promise was too much for him, something as simple as fighting to protect. His heart felt like it was about to burst. He couldn’t look away from his task. The oni’s body wouldn’t fade even if he did. He had to do this.
Especially since his father would be visiting later.
He continued to swing the sword. More light began to flow into it.
“I have to master myself.”
The howling wind, Izanami’s words, his own thoughts, they all became unclear white noise, the world drowning in the shine of his blade.
“Master myself.”
His eyes narrowed. He was fully focused. He started to swing faster, brighter. Ice was beginning to spread across his arm, but it didn’t slow him down for a moment.
“Come on. Master yourself.”
He swung the sword again and again. More ice crept through his arm. His sword was beginning to crack and shake. He wouldn’t stop.
“Master yourself, damnit!”
Even his own movements became nothingness to him. He didn’t notice the blinding white light forming around him, or the crystals that already coated his body, or the sword shattering into pieces, flying by and slicing him. It didn’t feel cold at all. It didn’t hurt. He didn’t hear Izanami crying out for him to stop.
“MASTER YOURSELF!”
And then, the world became white and radiant.
Since the beginning of creation, there had never been a moon in Helheim’s sky. The strange, eerie lights in the blood-red sky simply turned to darkness as the hours passed, with no true light ever coming in. That was the law of the realm itself.
But on this day, for ten shining, frightening minutes, moonlight shone down on the underworld.
It was nothing less than a light of calamity. A star of pure, radiant white hung in the sky, erratically, harshly forcing itself into a new form every moment, thrashing violently in the darkness. It was a crescent one moment, a shining fragment the next, and a full orb of deathly light immediately after. An unstable and beautiful calamity. With each sudden shift, wrathful moonlight rained upon the land. The howling tears of the moon fell to and razed the earth in a rain of disaster. Mountains, plains, forests, all were swallowed by that white and chaotic light. It was as if the heavens themselves were punishing the underworld.
This was the chaos that lay within an angel’s light. The light Tsukuyomi had so desperately wished for back then, and yet, hadn’t even begun to fathom. The light he had gained from his father. That sacred light, his greatest desire, was just the same as his blade: all his mastery and divinity given form, a beautiful, graceful, and glorious weapon of ruin.
It was a light that could never truly protect.
Those ten minutes of devastation eventually passed. The moon vanished, and Helheim’s sky returned to its natural gloom. Yet a single shining light remained within it. It slowly floated to the ground, almost gently so, and landed in front of Izanami’s surprisingly unharmed abode. She was waiting in the garden. Lucifer looked up towards her, as she immediately fell to her knees in front of him, tears in her eyes. His eyes twisted ever so slightly in guilt. She had been burned by light, his light, clearly after a struggle. She had done all she could to help.
“I’m sorry…I…I really tried, I shouldn’t have…and even you got hurt…”
Lucifer shook his head, unbothered by the frostbitten wounds on his scarred body. He hadn’t used his radiant armor for even a second, much less his weapon. He put a hand on Izanami’s head to calm her, as he had many times before.
“...Don’t worry about it. It can hardly be called an injury. And I couldn’t risk harming our son.”
The gentle coolness of his voice and the warmth of his hand slowly brought Izanami back to reality. She took a few deep breaths, before taking Tsukuyomi from Lucifer’s other arm. His body had no wounds, but he was clearly close to death, pale and haggard, as if drained of all light. The young god had utterly broken himself under his own light. Izanami almost sobbed looking at him. While Lucifer’s face remained mostly still, as he closed his eyes, the ruler of heaven felt the familiar, ever-present weight of utmost guilt…along with a slight tinge of fear.
Even now, millenia after the fall, with his supreme divine power and command over all of heaven, the greatest of angels still couldn’t protect a single boy. Those he loved and couldn’t save were still falling through the cracks, just as they had back then. It still wasn’t enough.
His, too, was a light that could never truly protect.
“...Take him inside, please. I’ll join you two in a moment.” Lucifer said. He gazed forlornly from the mountain’s edge, quietly observing the destruction his son had wrought upon Helheim. Izanami simply nodded and did as he asked. Right now was one of those moments when Lucifer needed to think alone. Lucifer turned his head briefly, and gave an almost regretful glance towards Tsukuyomi as he vanished behind the front door. It was in that moment that the mightiest among divinities offered a silent prayer for forgiveness.
“You haven’t failed, Tsukuyomi… You never did... As a father, a mentor, and a god…I’m the one who has failed you. The shame of weakness is mine alone to bear.”
He took a slight breath, and turned to join his family inside.
“I’m sorry for always being such a coward. I hope…that this serves as even the smallest compensation.”
Fastened at his hip was a beautiful sheath, adorned with two angelic wings and a jewel that glimmered like the moon.

Preemptive comment: I do like this game and enjoy many aspects of it. I have a legacy account but stopped playing before Heavensward for various reasons. Only really picked it back up a couple months ago and am enjoying it!
But...
We are about 1.5 months away from Dawntrail, and the concept of "exploration" seems to be a focus of the expansion theme.
Not trying to be that FFXI player that compares the 2, but here is one simple feature in XI that I would love to see brought to XIV (At some point in its life cycle, not saying specifically a Dawntrail feature).
I just want the world to feel more immersive. In FFXI, there were non-instanced zones where you could not mount. You had to traverse by foot, and if you didn't bring any sneak/invisible buffs, you better watch your back. I want to ride a ship to get to a new zone, and I want that boat ride to take 5-10 min, and I want there to be the chance for pirates to pull up and battle the players on your way there.
XIV does well with making big bosses, big animations, big zones, but then that forces your camera way out to take it all in, and you lose the immersion. I don't want to just jump on my mount and run past everything to get to my quest marker. I want to be told "You need to get to this zone, but the only entrance is through a long dark cave with tough enemies, winding tunnels that loop back around, oh and also no one has really charted a map for it, so you'll just need to figure out the right set of holes to drop down to get there."
Give me depth outside the story. The story is great, yes. Im in Shadowbringers and its good, but man I can honestly say I have never been wow'ed by any of the zones. The best analogy I can give is playing in a museum. Each room of the museum is a new zone of the expansion, and the art pieces are the quest objectives.

(Hidden parts contain (potential) spoilers for the animated specials, so please - be cautious)
In the episode “Maddie’s Hat-tastic Party” it is said that a particular part of the Enchanted Forest - the Wonderland Grove (the one that the episode showcases for most of its runtime) is “our link to Wonderland” and “it is the source of all magical madness in our world”.
With that being said… we also have the well. The Well of Wonder :
Based on the events of “Spring Unsprung”, the well is also connected to those things (having a link and bring magic into the world of Ever After).
The viewers even have an opportunity to see what happens if the well gets tempered with in a way that breaks the link between the two worlds - Ever After looses its “life-spark”
Edit: It would have been okay… if the theme of loosing the “life spark” did not happen in the “Maddie’s Hat-tastic Party” episode as well!
What is worse, the well is featured in “Thronecoming”, a special before “Spring Unsprung”
So… am I misunderstanding something or have the writers messed up? If they have, I should say that that could have been very easily avoided and the plot of “Spring Unsprung” could have stayed practically unchanged. All they had to do is make the well be in the early mentioned part of the Enchanted Forest and that the spot I s cannot be found without a special map or help from a wonderlandian who can sense where to go thanks to their connection to Wonderland 😩
As for how the whole “recharge the grove” thing from the episode…. I guess it could have been explained away by saying something like “since then, we decided to held occasional private parties to upkeep the wonder,” or throwing in “Since Legacy Day, the Wonderland Grove is doing remarkably well! Even too remarkably I say!” or something like that
Also, I apologise in advance if a post like this has been created before. However, it seems like it has not been :^

Hi all! My sister is getting married in September and I am the maid of honor and helping plan the wedding. On a couple of occasions she has mentioned wanting her daughter to sing something at the reception during the speeches and I REALLY want to make this happen. I am thinking I can call my niece up after I give my speech and hold her and my dad can play guitar for us. I know this might seem to some like some heavy theatrics for a reception, but my sister has said more than once that her and my BIL would LOVE IT.
Enter my problem and reason for this post:
What song do I teach her? For background she will be four by the wedding so I definitely will have to help her a little, and the family is religious so if it’s got Christian themes that is okay.
Im trying to find something that isn’t too cheesy but also is simple enough to at least shorten and teach to a four year old. I’ll probably need to shorten any song I end up picking.
Songs I’m currently considering:
Crowded Table by The Highway Women Where You Lead by Carole King Do Not Worry by Ellie Holcomb To the Bone by Sammy Copley Your Bones by Chelsea Cutler
I’d say To the Bone and Do Not Worry are front runners right now.
Thanks in advance for any suggestions! :)

Context: issues with cocaine, anxiety and depression in the past.
I’m at work and the whole place is redesigned. All the new changes are ugly. The chaos starts when I can’t find any cups that match, many are dirty. I find two that do and when I fill them they turn into plastic. I try to find copies of the old menus but I can’t they are replaced will all sorts of different designs that are all equally bad. (I wonder to myself why g hasn’t hired me to redesign it for him). The place is packed with lines outside but only a few tables are sat inside. I struggle to greet them but my staff seems to be on it.
In the background some of my staff are retreating to cry about something, seems like important news but no one will tell me. The only coworkers I see throughout the whole dream are antonalla, Areli and an ex-employee, Eva. She and a chubby man were helping glue decorations to new versions of the menu.
My nose begins to bleed, enough to be concerning but not enough to concern others. I head to the bathroom to wipe my nose, a man sees me and says nothing. I see myself in the mirror and my whole face is read and I have small bumps and sores on my face I rub them a bit and they get bigger and the sores get deeper. I reach for another paper towel and my face is completely torn apart by lesions and sores. I look again and it’s back to normal. I think nothing of it and turn to go back to the dining room, on my way out a group of about 6 kids are there smoking meth through very long pipes. (There was only one kid on the toilet doing that as I entered the bathroom).
I complain to my co-manager that there are kids smoking up in the bathroom, she thinks it’s gross and says I should tell them a fee will be added to their bills. She really wants to do it so she hands me the reservation sheet and goes to the bathroom. I don’t understand the sheet.
A group of sixty arrive (originally they say they are a party of two) and I look to see if we have space. Antonella returns and helps me. We do have a space but we need to get the room ready for 60. The party walks in before we can arrange the room and I get upset, they turn around but I tell them to stay as they’re already here. Antonella turns to me and gets on top of me and tries to kiss me. I resist (quite a lot). I’m incredibly uncomfortable. When I finally allow her to she breaks her tongue off while it’s in my mouth. It was a jolly rancher. A woman from the party sprays us with something (hand sanitizer? Water?) and I snatch it and spray her back. I call her a bitch.
The dining room has turned into a bed inside a bedroom that is neither of ours. I ask her if I look ok. She says yes. There’s a mirror in the room and I look I have one normal eye and one that looks as if it was wrapped in a napkin and put back in my socket. It’s very bloodshot. I have two small balls in my nostrils as well. I remove one and it seems to be another eye. I look back and my deformed eye has gotten massive, and my normal eye has grown as well. Both look yellow with bloodshot iris.
I go to the bathroom to look at myself and this time I look perfectly normal. I’m relieved but I do the test again and move to a bathroom with a larger mirror but the light switch doesn’t work so I leave the door open and use the light from the hall. My eyes are cat eyes and the irises are red. They remain this way. I keep trying to toggle the switch to turn the light on but it doesn’t work. My eyes are still red cat eyes, everything else is normal. I turn and notice there’s a small bruise on the back of my neck where my hairline meets skin. I go back down the hall looking for a bathroom with a working light but I wake up before I can find it.
TL;DR: chaotic work dream where I see my reflection either bloody, peeling, with engorged eyes or (most interestingly for me) with red cat eyes. Themes of drug use and stress throughout.

So i was curious why everyone thinks the Cathay dragon Yin-Yin is going to have lore of beasts, so i decided to look up the og theory by and i realized it lined up a lot with the theories i made based off of the in game mechanics, so i decided to add in some of the mythology into my post. Also while we are here, i started writing this before shadows of change, then decided to wait until Yuan Bo was released to see how it impacted by speculative nonsense. Was kinda disillusioned with Cathay after Yuan Bo was fairly different to what everyone expected and so i took a break from Cathay for a while. As a result some of this might sound weird due to it being rewritten several times.
(https://www.reddit.com/totalwacomments/ppg76c/theories\_about\_the\_dragon\_princesprincesses\_the/)
----HEADS UP: there is gonna be a TLDR after each specific LL, You will thank me later----
The Mythological inspirations for the dragons
So for anyone who didn't click on the link to the mythology post that inspired this (for shame). The Dragon siblings seem to be inspired by the 4 symbols (don't worry there are 5 of them). Each of the 4 symbols (again of which there are 5) is associated with a direction and one of the 5 elements from the Wuxing cycle.
The wuxing cycle is made up of 5 elements, the mechnanics of the cycle themselves don't seem to matter too much (yet?) just the actual elements since each of the 5 elements matches up with what lores of magic the dragons favour so far.
The in-game and lore Harmony of magic (so far)
Lore wise (the "facts" lore not the term for magic lore), the Yin and Yang lores of magic are each made up of 4 of the elemental winds. Yin is formed from the winds of beasts, metal, death, shadows while Yang is formed from Life, fire, heavens, light. Each lore is effectively one half of high magic (the lizardmen and high/wood elf lore of magic) since High magic is made from using all 8 winds at once. Probably not worth noting but in my research i also found that high elves have a
The Dragons siblings (until Yuan Bo) have had a 50/50 split between Yin and Yang spells with 3 of each. Miao Ying has 3 life spells (a sub lore of yang) and 3 yin spells, While Zhao Ming has 3 metal spells (a sub lore of Yin) and 3 yang spells. Interestingly it seems that the Dragon siblings use the elemental sub-lore of the parent they get along with more, Miao Ying has a Yang sub lore and gets on great with her father, the master of yang while Zhao has the opposite, favouring a sub-lore of Yin while being his mother's favourite.
As for Yuan Bo, while he uses a mix of 4 lores of magic unlike Zhao and Miao, 2 light, 1 heavens, 2 Yin and 1 Yang, He does still loosely follow the pattern still. Yuan Bo still uses 3 elemental spells and 3 Yin/Yang spells so while he isn't split along the lines of Yin/Yang evenly, he does still have a 50/50 split in his spells. Interstingly even tho Yuan Bo has 4 different lores on hand, he only has the lore atrributes for 2 of those lores, heavens (his "main" lore given he runs is incharge of the astromancers) and the lore of Yin passive (sub lore of yang and the lore of Yin).
Overall it seems that there is a pattern of dragons having a 50/50 mix of elemental spells and Yin/Yang lores with only the spell atrribute from their favourite elemental lore and the Yin/Yang atrribute from the lore that their favourite elementl lore doesn't contribute too.
TLDR: The dragons (so far) have a themed pattern in what spells they can use and their lore passives.
Who are the other Dragons?
In case You haven't dug through the Cathay lore, the 2 dragon siblings not missing/dead in lore and not yet in game are: Li Dao the fire dragon and Yin Yin the sea dragon. There is also the Monkey King coming alongside them at some point, so without further a do, lets get into it.
Miao Ying The Storm Dragon
So according to the mythology theory, each of the dragons is inspired by one of the 4 symbols. Miao Ying is theorised to be inspired by the Black Tortoise. The Black Tortoise is associated with Water, the north, endurance and protecting the previously mentioned north. It's easy to see why the black dragon Miao Ying is likely inspired by said symbol, even more so when you look into warhammer lore.
In warhammer lore, Cathay refers to the lore of life as the lore of water. That is because wizards who use the lore of life can manipulate freshwater due to it's necessity and connection to life, the wind of life it's self is also described to move like water by those with witch sight. Hence the reason Miao Ying, uses lore of life spells, due to her being the storm dragon.
As for Miao Ying's actual lore, she is the oldest of the Dragon siblings and said to be the Emperor's favourite. Her main job is guarding the Great Bastion in the north since that is where the first threats to Cathay came from and she was the first of the dragons. The other main thing Miao Ying is in charge of is the forges of Nan-Gau and it's development of war machines. Miao Ying doesn't seem to be very involved with the process of inventing and gives the master artificers a great deal of personal freedom leading to some infighting. Miao seems to take a direct yang styled approach to problems, putting any rebel lords in their place and just throwing bodies and artillery at chaos incursions. Miao is described as cold and aloof perhaps because she has had to shoulder burdens on her own without any siblings.
Mechanically Miao Ying focuses on buffing ranged units which fits well with her Capital being Cathay's main source of guns as well as her Yin focus. Miao Ying also gets bonuses for fighting the forces of chaos and corruption which fits with her being in charge of holding the big wall. The starting Cathay rebels nearby is thematic for the scheming human lords but there isn't really a mechanic that does deeper than that. Nothing too fancy, she's a base game lord.
TLDR: Miao Ying is the (self-proclaimed?) favourite child of the Emperor, she is in charge of defending the great bastion and most of Cathay's gun/war machine construction. Lore of Life and Yin, tho there is a chance CA will revisit her down the line and give her a more diverse spell list or more mechanics. Miao Ying keeps her people in line with brute force and open threats but as long as the artificer lords serving her don't rebel or disobey her orders, she leaves them to their own devices.
Zhao Ming The Iron Dragon
A reminder i have the flair "alchemist of Zhao Ming" so you know, expect some simping bias in this next section.
In the mythology department, Zhao Ming appears to be inspired by the "White Tiger". Like all of the 4 symbols the White Tiger is associated with both a cardinal direction and an element/phase of the Wuxing cycle. In the White Tiger's case this is the West direction, where Zhao Ming guards and the element of metal which Zhao Ming champions. The White Tiger is believed to symbolise power and armies, accordingly Zhao Ming is shown to be much more involved with his soldiers than the other Dragons. It's also been theorised that since his troops are seemingly recruited from the much more rowdy desert clans, than the cities and villages where the other Dragons get their troops, thus requiring more military focus.
Zhao Ming's love of warpstone is inspired by mixing the mythology of the White Tiger and warhammer lore. As previously mentioned the White Tiger is associated with metal and in warhammer lore, wizards who practice the lore of metal, also known as alchemists in some circles, usually develop an obsession with warpstone. Warpstone's nature as being literally pure condensed chaos/warp gives it many abilities including the power to turn other metals into gold which is one of the key end-goals of all alchemy.
Speaking of alchemists, Zhao Ming controls the "house of secrets" said to be a dark mirror of the celestial court where illegal magics are used in place of the lore of heavens. While in game the house of secrets is only formed of lore of metal wizards, Zhao Ming's lore blurb in the expanded unit browers states he shealters lore of Fire wizards as well.
Since the SOC dlc showed us that several units in the Cathay army hail from the banner of the Celestial Court and that the House of secrets is said to be a dark mirror, there may be some units not yet in game that are house of secrets themed. What could those units be? Beyond the fire version alchemists, i have no clue it's called the house of secrets for a reason. The biggest possible curveball i can think of would be the elemental incarnate of fire, we already have the incarnate of beasts so it's safe to assume that the other 2 incarnates (death and fire) will show up at some point and Zhao likes fire wizards too. Zhao Ming could also have some nomadic units missing since most of his people are nomads but we haven't seen any of those in game yet.
Interestingly the lore of metal is the elemental lore of magic most connected to Tzeentch as it is all about changing metals into other metals (lead to gold, etc) and Tzeentch is all about change. The lore of fire on the other hand is one of the other 3 lores of magic used by chaos warbands. Shadows and death are both connected to Slannesh and Nurgle respectively but fire is different. The Lore of Fire would be Khornes favoured lore because he loves flames and stuff but he hates magic so the lore of fire is considered to be the generic chaos lore that all the gods dip into using. Meaning the 2 types of elemental wizards Zhao Ming protects are the 2 types that Tzeentch armies would tradditionally recruit for open warfare.
Is Zhao Ming's protection giving the wizards most at risk of Tzeentch corruption a way out from the persecution and not be driven into the arms of Tzeentch? Or is he just letting Tzeentch agents hide in plain sight? Honestly it's prob a bit of both. Yuan Bo may be right about a decent number of those wizards but those he is wrong about, would be forced to join chaos or perish if it weren't for Zhao Ming's House of Secrets.
Zhao in terms of lore is (despite being a mad scientist who snorts warpstone and one of the only Dragons to regularly drink,) somehow the most subtle of the dragons. Unlike Miao Ying, Zhao Ming favours diplomatic solutions over just throwing bodies at problems. The main example of this is his treaties with the ogres however the way he interacts with his soldiers is also potentially diplomatic. Zhao Ming as many of you may know likes to join his troops for a drink and even laughs at jokes at his own expense unlike the other dragon siblings.
Some have suggested that this means Zhao acts more human than the other dragons, however personally when i first read his actual lore, i got the impression Zhao Ming is not more human than the other Dragons, simply better at faking it. That Zhao thinks his troops, recruited mostly from the nomadic tribes won't take him seriously or work at their full potential if stifled by the iron handed discipline of main Cathay, so he meets them on their level. Zhao Ming is a people person, he makes concessions for the nomads joining his forces, talks out deals with ogres, runs the main (at least in terms of land routes so far) trade hub in Cathay, plays host and sets up areas to cater to dogs of war visiting his city and speaks out for some of the non heavens elemental wizards in Cathay. He talks his way through most problems and reads people to try and get the most benefit for Cathay.
Zhao Ming while reckless and likely overexposed to warpstone, is far more cunning and manipulative than most people give him credit. Turning pillaging ogres into peaceful neighbours and mercenaries for his cause, even setting up a dedicated visitors district in is capital for them. Using rogue outcast wizards to strengthen the great bastion's stone work via alchemical secrets. Making nomads who would have little identity as part of central Cathay see him as one of their own and not some stuffy upstart who looks down on them and needs to be overthrown. Only the more indirect threats to his rule, the cults and skaven who spend most of their time hiding from the Dragons remain in Zhao Ming's land, everyone who poses a direct or open threat has been slowly subverted into one of Zhao Ming's pawns. I can kind of understand why the Emperor might not like him, every chance he gets, he talks his problems out instead of throwing a meteor at it like a true wizard of Cathay. But despite his favour of the diplomatic approach, Zhao Ming has an iron grasp on the western provinces. It looks like Miao Ying and Zhao Ming are the favourite children because they have absolute authority in their domains, one through the direct, disciplined Yang style of the Emperor and the other through the Yin cunning of the Empress
For Zhao's gameplay he is pretty straight forward. The Iron dragon focuses on ogre mercs and bonuses to cargo convoys, again supporting his more subtle diplomatic approaches from lore. He also has bonuses to getting magical items and wields the same abilities as his alchemists representing the fruit of his House of secrets. Beyond that Zhao Ming supports melee units to counter balance Miao Ying's ranged support and pushing that whole harmony thing. He is a bit basic but he is also a base game lord so that's kinda to be expected, his gameplay does seem to back up his lore and mythological inspirations tho.
TLDR: Cathay's mad scientist and suprisingly great diplomat, he solves as many of his problems as he can through his wits and cunning, perfering to talk his problems away, hence why the Moon Empress loves him and the bolder face-on yang loving Emperor cares less for him. He leads the nomadic people of the western provinces and the house of secrets, shealtering lore of fire and metal wizards from Yuan Bo. Tho he lacks any units specific to his faction in game, like Miao Ying CA could revisit down the line for unique mechanics.
Yuan Bo the Jade dragon
Yuan Bo is mythologically inspired by the 5th symbol of the 4 symbols (don't worry it's the optional one). The Yellow dragon is associated with the centre, rather than a cardinal direction like the other 4 symbols, as well as the element of Earth. He is said to represent the Emperor in mythology which fits Yuan Bo perfectly.
Yuan Bo of course runs Cathay's central government when the Emperor is away and is often confused for the Emperor by outsiders in lore. So that tracks, he is also incharge of the celestial court aka the astromancers of cathay, the only legal wizards besides the dragonblooded elite. His also makes sense with the Yellow dragon being associated with stone as in warhammer lore Cathay calls the lore of heavens, lore of stone.
Why is it called the lore of stone, perhaps because the Emperor used it heavily while he created the great bastion and terracotta sentinels out of stone? personally i choose to believe it's because GW didn't want people confused on Cathay's magic pre-game 3 and so told every writier that mentioned Cathay doing magic to make it explicitly clear that Cathay only uses magic never seen before in the west and lore of heavens. Then as a result of that, writiers only used the most iconic lore of heavens spell when ever Cathay fought, the comet of casandora, every single fight, giving Cathay a "chuck a rock at it till it goes away mentality". The Emperor and bastion option is more likely but my headcanon Cathay's love of throwing rocks amuses me.
In terms of his other lores, like Miao Ying and Zhao Ming, he only has passives for heavens and Yin, which follows their pattern of one sub-lore of yin/yang for their main element and the reverse yin/yang lore as well. Tho Yuan Bo mixes things up by having both Yang/Yin spells and the lore of light as well which makes sense since it's the anti-daemon lore and he is incharge of rooting out tzeentch cults.
As the leader of the celestial court, Yuan Bo fields mostly astromancers and their associated units, constructs. If you didn't know; the lore blurbs on Cathay techs imply that the celestial court is incharge of maintaining and repairing the terracotta sentinels in the base game and are actively searching for ways to restore them to their full power. Another reason why Cathay might call the lore of heavens; the lore of stone, those who use it repair the stone warriors of Cathay. His other units include the Great Moonbirds which Astromancers have been known to tame, the purified manficores are in a similar situation. The final celestial court unit is the crowmen, which are elementals of Yin and act as spies for Yuan Bo.
There could be more celestial court units in a future DLC as the spies/hidden Yin side of the celestial court hasn't really been shown outside of the crowmen. Besides the celestial court, Yuan Bo also uses wardrums and gate guards which are part of Yuan Bo's bureaucratic duties. CA stated that they had to look outside of the celestial court when adding new units to SOC with the greatmoon bird because nothing in the celestial court fit the role of a big flier which is what CA and the community felt Cathay needed at the time. So that implies there are other units under the celestial court's banner just none who are single entity fliers.
For Yuan Bo's gameplay, he uses his matters of state and manipulates his foes through covert and administrative actions. Just like his lore, he manages Cathay's government and spy network, he mostly spends his time however trying to hijack the geomantic web to improve the Wu Xing compass and empower whatever ritual the Dragon Emperor is working on. Little weird he focuses on Lizardmen so much but eh?
TLDR: Yuan Bo is the central administrator of Cathay, spymaster and leader of the celestial court. He believes himself to be the favoured child dispite what Miao Ying claims. He appears to be the dragon sibling that gets called into sort out the other dragon's messes. He likes to use subterfuge to achive his goals but he likes to use brute force to solve issues when he can. The celestial court that he over sees probably has more unseen units so we might see those in the future for other dragons siblings.
Welp reaching the character limit and only about half way, to the comment section i guess?

I need to create a flag and t-shirts for a friend's bachelor party at Bonaroo. I tired to get Dolly to help but I bumped into a copywriting issue.
I need to Create a cartoon image of Ackbar from Star Wars holding a cocktail with a commanding expression. Ackbar is wearing a white admiral's uniform with minimal gold trim. In one hand, Ackbar holds a colorful cocktail with a small umbrella. Above Ackbars head, in bold, sophisticated lettering, the words 'Ackbar's Boozatorium' are displayed. The background is a whimsical, space-themed bar setting.
I don't know where to turn to find someone who can create this for me.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.

I need to create a flag and t-shirts for a friend's bachelor party at Bonaroo. I tired to get Dolly to help but I bumped into a copywriting issue.
I need to Create a cartoon image of Ackbar from Star Wars holding a cocktail with a commanding expression. Ackbar is wearing a white admiral's uniform with minimal gold trim. In one hand, Ackbar holds a colorful cocktail with a small umbrella. Above Ackbars head, in bold, sophisticated lettering, the words 'Ackbar's Boozatorium' are displayed. The background is a whimsical, space-themed bar setting.
I don't know where to turn to find someone who can create this for me.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.