Marriage night stories

I've been a psych nurse for about 1.5 year. When I first started, I was all about psych. I loved learning about it in books, in videos, etc. One psych nurse (who's an NP now) told me to go for it because he believes I'm great with people and I was huge dork about it in the beginning.
I worked my first inpatient job. And it changed everything forever.
I've heard heart-wrenching stories. I heard stories from rape victims, rapists, murderers and addicts who really have nothing left. In the beginning, I poured my soul into it. I gave so much and realized I couldn't give anymore and honestly there is nothing left. I've seen people just completely lose it and think aliens are using brain chips to control you and me.
How do you help someone so broken? How do you see horrible things like people screaming of wanting to die because the voices won't stop while slamming their head into the wall? Every conversation i felt I tried hit a stalemate. Just throwing PRNs at them and hope they stay out of trouble the next day....That's what we all did...... It'd be hard for me to sleep at night, even if I worked outpatient, if I even knew someone was thinking about harming themselves. Leaving the facility every night felt like a fresh breath out of hell.
I've tried mindfulness. I'm in therapy. I've tried changing different settings (currently working in a detox facility) but every time I think about psych, it feels like nails on a chalkboard.
But I spent all this time in my career....for what? to change specialties now??
I keep thinking maybe it'll get better. Maybe I can find something that works for me if I push forward. But I don't know....

Hi all,
A little background, we are both in our early 20s, both virgins, and married for almost a year. I'm shaking as I'm writing this bc I haven't told this to anyone. As you can tell by the title, we have a sexless marriage.
wedding night/ homeymoon: i always though that guys are so excited for the wedding night, you know thats what i heard. he did touch me on our wedding night, but then said he was tired and went to sleep. we were flying out on our honeymoon the next day, i was so nervous for it. When we got to our destination, he was still tired and went to sleep. Even though they prepared this cute setup and wine and stuff. About two days later he was going to take his pants off, i asked if he brought protection and he said no, and the thing is I was ovulating (and all my friends told me to be "careful") so i told him we need protection. I thought that was something he could've thought on bringing you know. On one of the last days we did end up trying (at this point tho, i felt like i was begging bc i cried once abt it( i was overwhelmed and emotional) and i would suggest for us to shower together..anything to get us closer and make it less awkward, but it seemed like it made it more awkward bc he didn't want to but still did it. when we tried he couldn't stay hard and get it in, I was nervous and laughed.. and that was all.
When we got back, I cried i felt unwanted, unloved, not good enough, like something is wrong with me. I had multiple conversations with him and he would say that he's sorry, that he's not good enough for me. I tried to wear lingerie for him one day, but he just went to sleep. the next conversation i had with him and brought it up, he said it's because i was just laying under the covers. but I'm so nervous, i would think guys are just excited and want to see you regardless, it took so much for me to even put in on, idk what he wanted me to do! after some conversations and no change, i kind of am giving up. i am the only one ever brining this up. he never brought this up as an issue. it's like he's ok with it and it doesn't bother him. The only way we are intimate know is small kisses.
Side note, I love my husband so much and I know he loves me. I sincerely try so hard not to think about this because when I do i distance myself, get sad.. etc. so when I don't think about it everything is "ok" We cuddle, he's sweet and loving. I do think he does struggle to be a leader at times like praying or suggesting to read the bible, usually I am the one to suggest this. We get along well and I know he has good intentions always. I also try to be the best wife i can be and he always mentions how he loves me and that I am the best thing that ever happened to him.. but...
even though i hear him say all of this, i feel like i have so much neglection and anxiety built up because we have not had sex yet. I keep thinking he doesn't "actually" want me, and what if he's not telling the truth, what if it's the way i look, i keep overthinking that every girl he sees, that he will like her better than me. I have never been this insecure in my life and I don't know what to do. i want him to initiate, to WANT me!
It got to the point where sometimes he spends 30-45 min in the bathroom and i become so anxious and think he is watching porn and masturbating. i even confronted him about it and he was sad that i would even think that.
But how can i not think that?? he is not finding pleasure in me, where is he finding it? I'm having a hard time trusting him and i don't know what to do. I pray about it all the time. I'm trying to grow my relationship with God and get closer to Him. I have so much anxiety, fear, anger? and try to surrender it to God. Sometimes I wonder about his relationship with God, when we were dating he seemed like a godly man and knows his bible very well, but after we got married if i don't initiate prayer or bible reading, we don't do it.
I am so scared,i want everything to be ok, can this relationship work? what can i do? please any advice and prayers would be very appreciated.

Hiya!
20F here and I found out my boyfriend (21M) was a PA a few months ago after months of me suspecting something was wrong. He never really knew he had a problem until researching about it and he says he's currently in recovery. We had some issues (prior to me finding out) which led to me feeling unattractive and I found some stuff he said (years ago, prior to meeting me) about him having a type and his favorite pornstar... None of them look anything like me..... Not a single bit. I confronted him about this and he said it was years ago and that he is attracted to me but I'm having a really hard time believing it. I understand types change and such but I can't help but feel gross about myself.
The intimacy in our relationship (or lack thereof) sucks and I cry myself to sleep almost every night cause I'm so disgusted with myself and fear he doesn't find me attractive. I can't bring myself to even be nice to him at times or fake affection towards him or initiate anything... Ever since I found out I feel like whatever I give to him is just mediocre compared to what i think he actually likes (or used to like, i guess) and it has really messed with my confidence. I can't even bring myself to try anymore cause I'm so scared... And to top it off, I can't stop watching his old favorite pornstar's content and comparing myself to her... I look nothing like her at all and just thinking about it makes me feel sick.
The first few weeks were the hardest though. I will say that recently there have been days where I feel cute and my libido has gone back to normal but the only issue is i tend to have breakdowns after orgasming (idk if this is TMI, sorry) which was a common occurrence prior to me finding out it's just that now they're alot longer and worse lol. I also have days where I just feel plain horrible and worried about what the future may hold but I guess that's inevitable.
I really really love him and he's a great boyfriend. He genuinely puts in effort in every aspect of our relationship. I think it's just an issue of me feeling insecure.. He has never said anything to make me feel less attractive or been mean to me and I don't want to break up with him.
So, will things get any better? If so, how? I just want our relationship to go back to the way it was before and I know reddit won't have the exact answer to how I can fix my relationship but I'd love to hear your stories... I feel really horrible cause whenever I look to check for success stories then check their recent posts/comments, their partner has relapsed or their relationship has gone downhill and it's making me lose all hope..
Also, sorry if this is really long. I have noone to talk to about this and it's the only place where I feel understood regarding this issue.
Have a good day! <3

Last night I dreamed of you. It's been 7 years. I was talking about my life story and naturally 10 years with someone plays a big part. I've long since moved on and I've forgiven everything. It was a sad moment when two people that love eachother have to go their separate ways. We grew apart and all the little fights over the years just built up. Death by a thousand cuts. The dream I had of you was bittersweet. It was us in the last moments of our marriage. I knew in the dream we were going to divorce, but we were going through the daily motions of life. But in the dream we talked about why things fell apart. The last question I asked you was "am I the type of man you wanted to be with?" And you said no. I woke up a little sad, but it was cathartic. It was like a final goodbye so many years later. I will always love you. I am sorry it didn't turn out the way we wanted. I hope your new husband is better than I was and I am so proud of you. I saw you have a child. I know you told me that you didn't want to have children with me, but I am so happy for you. I hope you have forgiven me. I hope you live a long and happy life. You are going to be a wonderful mother. Goodbye again. It was nice to see you, if only in my dreams.

I’m the one responsible for picking up the house a few times a week to run the roomba. We have three kids and a dog. I suggested to him this evening that we get a couple more bins for shoes near the garage door because the kids and I are all bad at actually getting our shoes all the way to the front door, and we end up with random piles of shoes/backpacks/other shit. I thought a bin or two would help contain the clutter a little.
Husband’s response was just to point at the shoe bench by the front door, and I just lost it. Told him to fuck off. He repeated that the shoe bench was fine and he doesn’t want to look in more than one place for shoes. (Y’all, he doesn’t even check the bench we have.)
We didn’t resolve the fight at all because the kids were working on bedtime, and now he’s asleep and we won’t have a chance to talk until tomorrow night most likely. So I’m just pissed. Mad that he’d brush off something to meet me where I’m at and help my disorganized brain keep things in one place. Mad that he was so dismissive. Mad at myself for yelling at him. Mad that picking up the house falls on me as both the wife in a midwestern hetero marriage and as the person whose brain shuts down if the house gets too messy.
Please tell me someone else gets it? It’s just a fucking shoe bin but something about the way he blew off my idea really got to me.

I'm reflecting on something near and dear to my heart and I'd love to hear your thoughts. How do you know your spouse loves you? Is it in the way they surprise you with breakfast in bed, or maybe the way they always make time for your favorite activities, even when life gets busy? And on a deeper level, do you truly feel loved in your marriage? Do you feel that warmth in your heart and that sense of security that comes with knowing you're cherished? Let's share our stories and insights on recognizing and nurturing love in our marriages! 💖💭

Dear Professor,
In order to provide players with a better game experience, we will be performing server maintenance for Neural Cloud May 28, 2024.
You will not be able to log into the game during the maintenance and the exact end time may be subject to change.
Maintenance Time: 2024/5/28 18:30 - 19:30 (UTC-8)
Maintenance Type: Server Shutdown Maintenance
[Contents]

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★3 Doll - Dupin
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( The Birthday Paradox)
the dive bar buzzes, life’s a broken jukebox stuck on the same sad tune. filthy air, full of stories half-told, drunk on cheap sacraments.
Bob laughs, says he's twenty-five come May 4th. the guy on the next stool grunts, spills his beer. “Hell, that’s my day too.”
they sit there, two old sailors lost at sea, shipwrecked on the isle of coincidence. the barkeep wipes the counter, indifferent to this twist of fate.
you think you’re a shiny, rare butterfly, flapping alone in the storm. then some bastard shows up, mirrors your wretched flap.
your birthday, not your own, a slice of shared misery, served cold in the same greasy spoon.
we’re just numbers, brother, spinning on a busted roulette wheel, colliding in the dark, laughing at the absurd. the universe is mocking with its cosmic joke.
the night drags, they drink to forget, clinking glasses to a mystery solved.
two bums with one cake, blowing out the same cigarette-smoke wishes, a paradox wrapped in barfly stupor.

so I'm just gonna jump straight into this story. Buckle up buttercup ^{^}
It was July 2023. It was the evening after a long day of yard work and I was laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling as an attempt to fall asleep as fast as possible. I squeeze my eyes closed to sleep when I feel a weird feeling on discomfort. Not fear or dread, just uncomfy. So I open my eyes and start to scan my room. Then I notice a white face in the corner of my eye, but the second my eyes dart towards it it disappeared. My first thought was "I'm just tired and paranoid" so I try to fall asleep again. I eventually do, ignoring and discomfort because I'm just too tired to care at this point. That night, 2:30-3:00 am. I "wake up" but I feel hazy and disconnected. The discomfort is back and I hear a strange clicking noise. I open my eyes after a moment and see a white humanoid thing hovering over me on my bed, it was the size of a 8 yr old kid or so. It was on all fours over me, it's hands placed on my mattress on both sides of my head. I felt trapped, stuck staring into this horrifying beings dark eyes that are more like holes in its skull. It had small white dots in the middle of its black eyes, almost like a FNAF animatronic (for the people who know). I don't know how long this "sleep paralysis" lasted, but it felt like hours. I didn't see it again for about 3 months, so October 2023. I saw it at the bottom of the basement stairs, seemingly chasing me up. I blamed this on paranoia because most people feel like thier being chased by demon on Their stairs anyway (I was 13 at the time, and still having fears that young children have, like monsters in my closet or under my bed, and a major fear of the dark.). I proceeded to have sleep paralysis that night, but it was different than the last. The entity was under my desk beside my bed this time, instead of it being over my body. I was able to move, but I was very uncomfortable and my mind was foggy.
I was seeing it everyday since, it started with just disappearing when I would look at it, to just alway being there even if I was looking at it. 2 months ago, March 2024. I was sleeping in my bed when I felt a sharp pain in my back. I quickly whip myself around to see what the heck was poking me. I see the thing quickly ducking down and dashing out my door, the door slamming behind it. The slamming was so loud that it was rattling the frames on my walls. I had a prick on my back, so I think that it was poking me and pricked me with it's nail? And my fast movements scared it away?
Now, May 2024. I see it every day, it lounges around my room. It messes with the trinkets around my room at has scratched one of my favorite records for my record player. It seems to be comfortable here and still pokes me at night, as if it was trying to get my attention or just trying to annoy me. I'm no longer afraid if it, and I now am wondering if I should make it leave or if it can stay. It doesn't seem dangerous, but the pricks on my back are saying otherwise. I'm afraid of if it's feeding on the bad energy in my life as I have mental problems and have struggled with SH multiple times since its been around. Perhaps it's not physically hurting but mentally? Should I try to talk to it?
Thank y'all for reading! Leave your opinion below, and I'm willing to answer questions in the comments! <3 (trigger warning is for my mention of SH. Just trying to follow rules!)

I'm 24f, and I absolutely need to vent!!
Let's start, I am black, 24f, I grew up in a large city (won't say where) in a two parent household (uncommon in my community), and my parents are absolute IDIOTS!
I'm pretty sure both of my parents are undiagnosed, they've just been floating around with it though my mom is a mental health tech and my father has been in therapy for decades.
But lets start with my childhood, my dad was in a weird pro-black religious cult for most of my upbringing and my mom was practically in a christian cult. During my childhood I had a lot of unnecessary rules... couldn't wear pants, jewelry, nail polish, eat most meats or seafood, listening to certain types of music, couldn't go out on Saturdays cus of the sabboth, etc..
My father had a lot of physical illness and was constantly in and out of the hospital so once my dad got a corrective surgery at like 12 he then left for a younger woman... and barely cared to provide afterwards.
Cue in my mother, shes never truly liked me. Always made it vividly clear she preferred my older sister over me.. which I have concluded is because of the tumultuous pregnancy of my father cheating whilst pregnant.. in and out of jobs.. as well as me being more open minded and strong willed than my (very vividly mentally unwell) sister. She would compare our appearances.. since I tend to get a lot of compliments on my appearance, and would often scold me for being vain if I chose to wear makeup or dress moderately nice.
I have done well for myself academically and now financially. and whenever she could find one thing "imperfect" about me she BLEW IT UP! She often called me useless and that my accomplishments were worth nothing because of my "sins." Called me fat from gaining weight on antidepressants. She beat me twice as much as my sister growing up, sometimes my dad having to pry her off of me over something as small as dishes, she never awarded me for doing well, and would always mention how my sister was so much better than me at xyz, or called me weak for not wanting to talk about Armageddon and the intricate details of her failed marriage.
Now, as you can imagine, I support myself financially 100% and I am struggling a bit but I am good at budgeting and living far below my means. Neither parent has successfully held down a job long enough to even consider putting me on their insurance since 19.. and my sister can't work very much. Oh and OFC my mother is pacifying my sister's mental illness, and my father is fake worried with little to no action behind his useless concern.
I recently cut off my dad after he told me he wished he could go back in time and "annex" my existence, we also had some unnecessary fight after he was being weird about my "OWN" car insurance and wanting me to spend over a G to celebrate his 50th in the Caribbean. I am now thinking about cutting off my mom, for no reason as of now other than she just aggravates me and listening to the chaos of her life stresses me out (particularly because I would save her from bad decisions or give her a lot of money even in my teens) and she's always bragging about how good of job she did because of how I turned out.. but that's because I fear failure and know they'd leave me for dead so I'm hypervigilant.
I guess, I am curious how people are going on without any family at all. I don't have extended family either so I want to know how people who are completely estranged from their relatives are holding up? Honoring your parents is crippling in the black community, so it makes separating from them completely to be daunting.
(Also, so sorry about the egregiously long story... there's ofc more but that could be a book.)

I am legit terrified, that I will not even sleep over at his place when my children are away at their BDs house.
I'll start with, we've been together for over 2 years (and went to school together) and we have only stayed the night with each other <10 times. It's heartbreaking for me because I want to be closer with him, but I have severe PTSD from a previous DV marriage with my kids father. Where I was harassed for how I slept, or anything I did in my life. I finally found the perfect person who would never judge me for snoring or anything else... So having this fear is completely irrational, and I 100% understand that.
Off note, I have severe PTSD, major depressive disorder, and anxiety.
I just wish I knew how to overcome these fears that restrict me from living my best life.

I'm pondering something deep today and could use your input. What is it that truly makes you feel emotionally connected to your partner? Is it those late-night conversations where you bare your souls, or maybe the simple acts of kindness that show you're always on each other's minds? I'm fascinated by the different ways people experience emotional intimacy in their relationships and I'd love to hear your thoughts and personal stories. So, what melts your heart and strengthens the bond with your partner? Let's explore the magic of emotional connection together! 💖💬

On my most recent rewatch I notice I keep skipping certain scenes or stories. Maybe I've seen them enough that I'm a little bored with them, but the parts I'm constantly fast forwarding are:

• Any Bran three eyed raven dreams or plot
• Bran and Rickon traipsing around the north
• Aya traipsing around the country
• Brienne and Jamie traipsing around the country
• The Night's Watch traipsing through the snow*
• The Free Folk traipsing through the snow*

*Side note, but has anyone ever tallied up how many hours of GoT are scenes of people marching in a line through the snow? It's gotta be at least five or six hours.

• About half of the Castle Black storyline
• Half of the scenes in Harrenhal
• The man with no name
• Aya training with her dancing master

There are other parts that never get old and I always rewatch. Almost any scene or dialog with Cersei, Tywin, Robb, Tyrion, Margaery, Daenerys, Littlefinger, Varys, or Stannis. Just about everything in King's Landing, Winterfell, the Vale, or most of the castles. Everything with Theon. Every battle sequence or war plotline.
What parts do you always skip or always rewatch?

Saw a pretty good documentary tonight which is newly released called Queen of the Deuce (trailer) about Chelly Wilson who owned several Times Square movie theaters during the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s. It's a great NYC story. She was a Sephardic Jew who fled Greece right before Hitler invaded, later lost much of her family who did not leave Greece at Auschwitz, arrived in NYC in 1939 and then became a smart wheeler-dealer who had an instrumental role by the late 1960s in opening up the Times Square theaters to the lucrative porn flicks. The film does a good job in a general way explaining the growth of the porn industry, and mentions she played cards with Bonanno capo Mickey Zaffarano every Friday night in her apartment above the Eros Theater on Eighth Ave. She named all her theaters - The Adonis, Eros, Venus, etc. - after Greek gods. And she was a lesbian. Really cool NYC story.

Guy who's never had a girl best friend so far here! Tryna search for my very first out here in the sub. I'm a guy who's got a wonderful stress-free life, a great job, supportive parents, an adventurous spirit, and a heart to find happiness in even the smallest things in life...I just got out of a long term relationship recently due to something terrible (where my ex used the fact that i didn't have any experience with women before her as an excuse and tried covering up her toxic and mean actions by saying "this is quite normal for women to be this way" - which i completely disagree), and Neverthless i've been recovering amazingly well. I have a lot of interests ranging from good books (Novels,poetry, short stories and world classics), good movies, boxing, swimming,hiking,travelling, long drives ( i own two cars), golfing, horse riding, mountain climbing...and the list goes on.
Age (as long as you're above 20) and location are not matters of concern when it comes to having a friendship , and every place in this world is a flight's distance away, and i'd love to bridge the gap if we get along well! So, feel free to hit me up in my chats if you think i'm your type of person and let's get to know each other! Hoping to hear from y'all. Have a wonderful day/night wherever you're from!😇✌🏻✨
(P.S. please don't think the account is sketchy cuz it's new! It's a throwaway and i'm here for only a limited period of time. I'm open to revealing everything about me when we connect and get along well!)

Saw a pretty good documentary tonight which is newly released called Queen of the Deuce (trailer) about Chelly Wilson who owned several Times Square movie theaters during the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s. It's a great NYC story. She was a Sephardic Jew who fled Greece right before Hitler invaded, later lost much of her family who did not leave Greece at Auschwitz, arrived in NYC in 1939 and then became a smart wheeler-dealer who had an instrumental role by the late 1960s in opening up the Times Square theaters to the lucrative porn flicks. The film does a good job in a general way explaining the growth of the porn industry, and mentions she played cards with Bonanno capo Mickey Zaffarano every Friday night in her apartment above the Eros Theater on Eighth Ave. She named all her theaters - The Adonis, Eros, Venus, etc. - after Greek gods. And she was a lesbian. Really cool NYC story.

I don't really want this to go viral or anything but sincerely just want to put all in one place all the things I know about the situation because I don't think it's with people I know irl....
TDLR: true off my chest, my mom is almost certainly emotionally cheating on my dad based on what he's told me and I know way too much about this situation.
My mom was the typical housewife when I was growing up, very young mom to another guy whose out of the picture entirely; I literally can't even remember the dude's face.
My real dad met her when she was still young, single mom and he still fell for her. He loves her so much. His devotion is really boundless for his family; he was a kind of typical dad when I was growing up, working long hours to move up the corporate ladder, make money to get the four of us out of an apartment and into a house. Us older kids, we were his kids, no doubt about it, even when they had two more kids.
He wasn't perfect. He got angry when he dealt with shitty clients all day and came home to a chaotic household. He would get mad/sulky if I didn't great him at the door. He spanked the boys. He broke the glass table once, when he was really angry.
At the time, obviously, my mom was the stay at house mom, cooked and cleaned.... With hindsight, I think her child rearing could've really used some work. We were left alone a lot, her still in the house, but working on finishing school. We were put into after school activities to keep us engaged, but she never really played with us or gave us activities like I feel a stay-at-home mom should. She let me tell her about her day, but she never really engaged with what I said to her, just listened. Maybe she didn't listen.
I remember one time she had a college class and I can't even remember how old I was.... maybe 4? But she left me outside the class as it got dark, because she knew I was a good kid and wouldn't go anywhere.
They were probably too young for this many kids, or maybe even kids at all. Us older kids definitely contributed to raising the other two, we'd babysit on date nights, etc. Not often. But enough.
But my parents eventually made their way to a couples therapist. things got a lot better, for a few years. My dad worked on his anger issues, mellowed out a lot, and they became all about the love languages and how to love each other and us well.
When I moved out for the first time, things seemed good. They seemed stable at least.
But now, 6 years later things have felt.... Weird. What I type below is a mix of things I saw and things my dad told me.
With hindsight, my mom definitely has taken up a lot more space for herself. She works a lot of hours and put the youngest two into a LOT of extracurriculars. The youngest, she said, should be well rounded with their extracurriculars.
Sports. Music. Scouts. She wanted to put him in an art or language class to be "well-rounded". I personally feel like she just doesn't want to raise the kid after school. They're left home alone A LOT. As in, I will call them in the afternoon and they're home alone because everyone else is at work, or the gym or whatever.
I worry for that one.
During last Thanksgiving, my dad said my mom is starting to "blossom". She's always been an introvert, never had many friends, has been a touch judgemental, and stayed off social media. But now she's making work friends, engaging with the community and totally leaving my dad and the kids behind to some degree. She never invites anyone, they have to ask.
But he wants her to grow. He wants her to have friends, so he encourages it.
He starts stepping up around the house; with the pandemic, he became able to work from home half the week, so he does, he drives the younger kids when they need it, manages the house, even learned to cook.
My mom makes a new friend. A guy.
And she's had guy friends before. But my dad says the majority of her texts are with him. She's now on social media.... Posting things for him.
When they go to family events and things, she text him pictures of the events and pictures of herself... Nothing sexy as far as I'm aware, but I can't think of a single guy friend she'd be texting photos of herself unless he's gay and she's looking for fashion advice (he's not gay). And she always seeks him out.
My dad told me this, basically crying. This is the moment I think she may be emotionally cheating.
How can you spend all your time thinking about someone your not with, talking with them almost 24/7 unless you're intensely emotionally invested?
I personally fuck with the LGBTQ+ community, I think my mom is demi and this is so very very close to cheating, as close as you can get without touching.
SHe meets this guy a lot without my dad.
So my dad begs her to go back to couples therapy with him, and she does.
She puts up the boundary that my dad is not allowed to interfere with her friends, that he's just being overly jealous. The therapist poses the thought to my dad "if she decides to cheat on you, there's nothing you can do". The boundary, she told me. The words, my dad told me.
Obviously that hurts.
My dad asks her if she's in love with him (my dad). And she says no.
Obviously my dad is so hurt by this, but their time is up and they have dinner plans with friends.
My dad does not want to go. He begs her not to go.
She makes him go.
She makes him go put on a happy face with their friends when she just probably broke his heart.
I was there that night, for the holidays at that point. I sat with my dad, put a shoulder to his. I didn't know the details of it all, but I saw my dad texting their therapist and saw when he came home and it wasn't good.
When we get home, my mom says "so what do we want to do, family movie? Game night?" I balk. What the fuck is she talking about? Why doesn't she give a shit about my dad, someone she's spent twenty years with who's never shown her anything but devotion?
I say no, and entertain my siblings while my parents go upstairs and talk? for literally 3 hours.
I get called in when I'm getting ready for bed, trying to ignore anything coming from their room.
My mom promises it's nothing crazy, they're not getting divorced.
What?
I just want to go to bed at that point.
The next day, my mom takes me out, explains some of her side of the story but never elaborates on how she hurt my dad so much , just saying he's not allowed to interfere with her friends. I don't ask about that guy.
She says "your dad asked a question that he didn't want the answer to. He got upset when I answered honestly, because you know I'm always honest"
She's a snob and judgemental of emotions so I just stop asking questions.
My dad is trying so hard to keep it together guys.
He has all these tools from dealing with his anger issues, hes's meditating, he's taking complete care of the youngest kids, as best as he can.... He once told me he was scared to lose my mom (like, her dying) because he'd have no idea how to take care of the kids. I kind of think that's what happened.
He's no longer himself. He's quiet. He's very thoughtful. He's so self-controlling.
All this, changing almost everything of himself and she says nothing. He asks her for acknowledgement, a thank you and she says "You should be changing for you, not for me"
I am almost scared for him.
On mother's day, he did everything to make it special for her. He encouraged the younger kids to make her breakfast, take her out for the day, she got to go to the spa with her lady friends.
She never thanked him. She never thanks him for his support.
He finally realized that it's a fight. someone has to give in, either her, just SEE him, or he's going to give up someday.
How do I feel about all this?
I might hate my mom. She's a shitty partner, and not a very good parent right now either. I think regardless of how she views it, she is putting this one guy on a pedestal over everything else in her life. I think she is just waiting for my dad to give up.
Part of me wants to tell him, that she's stubborn as al hell and she's not gonna give up. I think he knows it.
But he loves her so much, and I don't think I should know even half of any of this, but I've seen too much. I know too many things that I'm not allowed to tell anyone.
should I encourage him to tell her that even if she doesn't see this coming to a divorce, that's where it's heading? Should i encourage him to divorce her?
Should I explain to him what emotionally cheating is?
God, the youngest kids. They're the ones suffering the most of this and I don't even know if they know it.
I wish every conversation I had with anyone in that household doesn't have me standing there with the question on the tip of my tongue; "do you know this is going to end and painfully?"
I wish I could see my mom as a good mom again. I wish I could see my dad a whole person again.
Thanks for reading and while this is a true off my chest, god I'd probably take any advice.

Saw a pretty good documentary tonight which is newly released called Queen of the Deuce (trailer) about Chelly Wilson who owned several Times Square movie theaters during the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s. It's a great NYC story. She was a Sephardic Jew who fled Greece right before Hitler invaded, later lost much of her family who did not leave Greece at Auschwitz, arrived in NYC in 1939 and then became a smart wheeler-dealer who had an instrumental role by the late 1960s in opening up the Times Square theaters to the lucrative porn flicks. The film does a good job in a general way explaining the gowth of the porn industry, and mentions she played cards with Bonanno capo Mickey Zaffarano every Friday night in her apartment above the Eros Theater on Eighth Ave. She named all her theaters - The Adonis, Eros, Venus, etc. - after Greek gods. And she was a lesbian. Really cool NYC story.

This is all from the Internet. A click away from any phone.

Socrates was a Greek philosopher from Athens who is credited as the founder of Western philosophy and among the first moral philosophers of the ethical tradition of thought.
An enigmatic figure, Socrates authored no texts and is known mainly through the posthumous accounts of classical writers, particularly his students Plato and Xenophon. These accounts are written as dialogues, in which Socrates and his interlocutors examine a subject in the style of question and answer; they gave rise to the Socratic dialogue literary genre.
Contradictory accounts of Socrates make a reconstruction of his philosophy nearly impossible, a situation known as the Socratic problem. Socrates was a polarizing figure in Athenian society. In 399 BC, he was accused of impiety and corrupting the youth. After a trial that lasted a day, he was sentenced to death. He spent his last day in prison, refusing offers to help him escape.
There were four charges that were brought against Socrates. They were that he argued the weaker claim over the stronger claim, that he argue the physical over the metaphysical, that he was against the gods and that he was corrupting the youth.
Socrates was found guilty by a jury of 501 Athenians and was sentenced to drink a deadly poison, named hemlock. Many scholars have argued that the charges against Socrates were politically motivated and have understood his trial and conviction as an attack upon freedom of speech and an indictment of democracy.

The Last Moments of Maegor’s Reign, losing against a misogynistic society led by petty and ambitious nobles and against the Faith of the Seven, a religion that enforces gender roles and inequality between men and women.

By 48 AC Maegor's tyranny could no longer be borne by the realm. At Storm's End Aenys I's last surviving son, Prince Jaehaerys, put forth his claim to the throne, supported by Lord Rogar Baratheon, who was named Protector of the Realm and Hand of the King by the prince. Jaehaerys had two dragons on his side, his own mount Vermithor and his sister's mount Silverwing, against Maegor's Balerion. Learning of her brother's claim, Queen Rhaena Targaryen fled from Maegor in the night, escaping on her dragon Dreamfyre with the Valyrian blade Blackfyre, and her daughter, Princess Aerea, adding a third dragon to her brothers cause. Lord Edwell Celtigar resigned his position as Hand and returned to Claw Isle and Grand Maester Benifer secretly escaped on a ship to Pentos. Ser Olyver Bracken and Ser Raymund Mallery, two of Maegor's Kingsguard, also deserted him. Lord Daemon Velaryon, the admiral of the royal fleet, was the first of the great lords to forsake Maegor, taking the royal fleet with him, and many other lords followed his example. The great houses of Lannister, Tyrell, and Arryn came out against Maegor and in the riverlands House Tully gave support to Septon Moon and Ser Joffrey Doggett, the leaders of the Poor Fellows.
Maegor called his banners in response, but few answered, giving Maegor an army of barely four thousand soldiers. Despite this, Maegor refused to surrender. At the end of the war council, Maegor remained behind alone in the throne room to brood. He was found dead the next morning by Queen Elinor, seated on the Iron Throne with his robes covered in blood and his wrists slashed. A spike from one of the swords on the throne behind him was impaled through the back of his neck. How Maegor died was never discovered. Some say he had been killed by Queen Elinor, others that he had been killed by a knight of his own Kingsguard. Yet others say he had been killed by a builder who escaped the slaughter three years earlier and desired revenge, and many believe that Maegor had been killed by the throne itself. Others believe that Maegor killed himself by opening his wrists on the blades of the Iron Throne.

The fate of Maegor’s loyal supporters.

Owen Bush was a knight of the Kingsguard during the reign of King Maegor I Targaryen. When Maegor suspected Queen Tyanna of the Tower of betrayal, he had Owen and his sworn brother, Ser Maladon Moore, bring her to the dungeons, where she confessed.
Maegor the Cruel gradually lost political support, resulting in a rival threat in his nephew, Prince Jaehaerys Targaryen. Two of his Kingsguard defected to Jaehaerys, and Maegor lost a third guard when Owen was found dead outside a brothel in 48 AC, his member cut off and stuffed in his mouth.
Maladon Moore was a knight from House Moore and a member of the Kingsguard during the reign of King Maegor I Targaryen. When the king suspected Queen Tyanna of the Tower of treason, Maladon and Owen were dispatched to seize the queen and deliver her to the dungeons, where Maegor was said to have slain her while Maladon was present.
After Maegor died in 48 AC and his nephew King Jaehaerys I Targaryen took the Iron Throne, Maladon was accused of being involved in the death of Queen Ceryse, allegedly restraining her when Ser Owen accidentally killed her. Maladon denied these charges, insisting she died of "shrewishness". While the charges were never proven, Maladon lost his head for his involvement in Queen Tyanna's death, of which he was guilty.
When Queen Tyanna of the Tower admitted to poisoning Queen Alys Harroway during her pregnancy, Tyanna promised the same would happen to Elinor. Tyanna was proven correct when Elinor gave birth to a stillborn abomination said to have been born eyeless and with small wings. Elinor was one of the two wives who survived the king, the other being Queen Rhaena Targaryen.
After King Maegor's death, Lord Daemon Velaryon proposed that King Jaehaerys I Targaryen marry Queen Elinor to reconcile with Maegor's supporters when a bride was being considered for the king, but nothing came of the proposal. After Jaehaerys's ascent, Elinor departed King's Landing dressed in the robes of a penitent. She visited her two elder sons at the Eyrie and Highgarden before retiring to her father's seat at the Three Towers with her youngest son.
Later, King Jaehaerys commanded Elinor to go forth and spread his Doctrine of Exceptionalism to the peoples of the Seven Kingdoms, as well as the goodness of Jaehaerys and Alysanne, becoming one of the Seven Speakers. Her queenly raiment became shabbier and more threadbare each day, and she eventually gave up all claims to nobility, becoming Mother Elinor at the great motherhouse in Lannisport.
House Rosby was one of the first houses to yield peacefully to House Targaryen during Aegon's Conquest, surrendering to Rhaenys Targaryen and Meraxes. The Rosby lands became part of the crownlands surrounding King's Landing. Lord Jon Rosby was named Warden of the Sands by King Aegon I Targaryen during the First Dornish War, but Jon was killed in the Defenestration of Sunspear.
Ser Rayford Rosby defended King Maegor I Targaryen during his trial of seven, but Rayford was slain during the fighting. Lord Rosby remained loyal to the king even as his downfall became certain, and was one of the last to see the king alive. In the chaos that followed the discovery of Maegor's body, Lord Rosby drank a cup of hemlock to join his king in death. His young son received forgiveness from King Jaehaerys I Targaryen at Dragonstone.
In 47 AC, King Maegor was dealing with the issue of his lack of heirs, despite having already married three women. Lord Daemon Velaryon, Rhaena's uncle and a member of Maegor's small council, advised Maegor to wed Rhaena, to unite their claims and prevent new rebellions, and to gain her as a hostage against any potential schemes of Dowager Queen Alyssa. Later that year, Maegor summoned Rhaena to King's Landing, and she did not defy him. At the Red Keep, Maegor married Rhaena in a triple ceremony, together with Elinor Costayne and Jeyne Westerling. As the three women were all widows of men Maegor had killed, they became known as the "Black Brides". Immediately following the wedding, Maegor declared Rhaena's elder daughter Aerea as his heir until he had sons of his own, while disinheriting Rhaena's youngest brother Jaehaerys in the same decree.
After Maegor’s death, discussion arose as to who had the better claim to the Iron Throne. There were some who suggested that Rhaena's claim, as the firstborn child of King Aenys I Targaryen and Queen Alyssa Velaryon, was the strongest. Her gender argued against her, however, and Rhaena herself had come to loathe King's Landing and its court. The claims of her daughters were argued for as well. If Maegor was to be considered a usurper, the true king would have been Rhaena's first husband, Aegon, who had claimed the throne before Jaehaerys had. As such, some suggested the throne should pass to one of his daughters by Rhaena, Aerea or Rhaella.
As time passed, Rhaena began to resent the fact that her claim to the throne, and that of her daughters, had been dismissed in favor of Jaehaerys, to whom she began to refer as "my baby brother". In addition, Rhaena begrudged her mother for promoting Jaehaerys's claim over her own.
Ser Walton Towers was granted Harrenhal by King Maegor I Targaryen in 44 AC after winning a melee in Lord Harroway's Town, but Walton died soon after from his wounds. Harrenhal thus passed to his eldest son. Lord Jordan remained loyal to Maegor during the king's wars, and Lord Rosby were the last to see the king alive before Maegor's death on the Iron Throne. Along with Lords Darklyn and Staunton, Jordan yielded the Red Keep to Prince Jaehaerys, Princess Rhaena, and Princess Alysanne Targaryen. The three lords were sent to the black cells, but were eventually pardoned by King Jaehaerys I after surrendering some of their land.
Jordan eventually died of a chest congestion. Harrenhal passed to Jordan's last surviving son, Maegor Towers, as Jordan's older sons had all died fighting for King Maegor.
Maegor's father, Lord Jordan Towers, was one of the last lords of the Seven Kingdoms who remained loyal to King Maegor I Targaryen. All of Jordan's sons died fighting in the king's wars, with the exception of young Maegor.
Maegor became Lord Towers after the death of his father due to a chest congestion. When King Jaehaerys I Targaryen began a royal progress in 53 AC to celebrate the new year, his first stop was to see the new Lord of Harrenhal, then only nine years of age.
Maegor was an impoverished lord who resided in the Tower of Dread with only a cook and three men-at-arms. Since the rest of Harrenhal was empty, King Jaehaerys settled his widowed sister, Rhaena Targaryen, in the Widow's Tower in 56 AC. Maegor and Rhaena eventually became friends, and she cared for his servants after Maegor passed away in 61 AC. Harrenhal was granted to House Strong after Rhaena passed away in 73 AC.
Maegor was sickly and poor.
Socrates speaks his last words to Crito: "Crito, we owe a cock to Asclepius. Please, don't forget to pay the debt". Asclepius was the Greek god for curing illness, and it is likely that Socrates' last words were implied to mean that death is the cure, and freedom of the soul from the body.
Asclepius, Greco-Roman god of medicine, son of Apollo (god of healing, truth, and prophecy) and the mortal princess Coronis. The Centaur Chiron taught him the art of healing. At length Zeus (the king of the gods), afraid that Asclepius might render all men immortal, slew him with a thunderbolt.
Zeus saw Asclepius & his medical skills as a threat to the eternal division between humanity & the gods. Asclepius met a tragic end when he was killed by a thunderbolt thrown by Zeus.
Socrates ultimately does not fear death because of his innocence, he believes that death is not feared because it may be one of the greatest blessings of the soul.
The reasons for Socrates not escaping when he had the chance the night prior; are made explicit before the Laws make their speech. Because escape defies the will of the Athenians, it requires stealth and bribery, shameful practices that are unjustified in the current situation.
Socrates Feared Democracies Would Elect Demagogues. The term arose in Greece in the fifth century BCE, right around Socrates's time, and is often used negatively. Socrates himself was extremely worried that the democratic format would give rise to a demagoguery.
Demagogues are political leaders who seek support by appealing to the desires and prejudices of ordinary people rather than by using rational argument.
Modern demagogues include Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini, Huey Long, Father Coughlin, and Joseph McCarthy, all of whom built mass followings the same way that Cleon did: by exciting the passions of the masses against customs and norms of the aristocratic elites of their times.

This is why Maegor and Socrates died. They challenged authority and lost. They were silenced by the powerful lords and by the elected council of Athens whom were given power by the common people.
They were “heroes”.
“My own heroes are the dreamers, those men and women who tried to make the world a better place than when they found it, whether in small ways or great ones. Some succeeded, some failed, most had mixed results... but it is the effort that's heroic, as I see it. Win or lose, I admire those who fight the good fight.
George R.R. Martin.
King Maegor had married all his brides and gave them Queenly status.

Jeyne was married to Lord Alyn Tarbeck. She was widowed when Alyn died during the Battle Beneath the Gods Eye in 43 AC. Jeyne was pregnant when her husband died, and gave him a posthumous son a few months later.

In 47 AC, Jeyne was being courted by a younger son of Lyman Lannister, the Lord of Casterly Rock, when King Maegor I Targaryen sent for her to be wed to him. She married Maegor in a ceremony at King's Landing, along with Lady Elinor Costayne and Princess Rhaena Targaryen. As all three women had been widowed due to Maegor, they became known as the "Black Brides". The stories told of the wedding night claim that Jeyne was given a fertility potion by Queen Tyanna of the Tower, and either drank it, or threw it in Tyanna's face. After the wedding, Queen Jeyne's son was confirmed as Lord of Tarbeck Hall, and sent to Casterly Rock to be raised as a ward of Lyman Lannister.

Lord Edwell Celtigar, the Hand of the King, announced half a year after the wedding that Queen Jeyne was pregnant, and Queen Elinor's pregnancy was announced shortly afterwards. Maegor, joyful, showered both his wives with gifts and honors, and granted new lands and offices to their fathers, brothers, and uncles. Unfortunately, Jeyne's labor began three months early, and she gave birth to a stillborn child, monstrous, lacking arms and legs but possessing both male and female genitalia. Jeyne herself died soon after.

In 48 AC, Tyanna of the Tower confessed to having poisoned Jeyne's child in the womb.
This is all on the awoiaf wiki.
George is a better writer than we’ve given him credit for.
At the end of Maegor’s reign, House Baratheon, Lannister, Tyrell and Arryn rebelled against Maegor. Maegor had sent the young son of his fourth wife (Jeyne Westerling) as a ward(hostage) to House Lannister. Then he sent the two eldest sons of his sixth wife (Elinor Costayne) as wards(hostages) to House Tyrell and House Arryn. When the great houses rebelled, Lord Daemon Velaryon, the brother of Alyssa Velaryon, escaped with the Royal Fleet and left King’s Landing.
Maegor called his banners to fight against the threat but they were too few and Elinor Costayne begged him to surrender to save her two eldest sons and the son of the long deceased Jeyne Westerling. He banned her from the council room and refused to surrender and his lords and him and Rhaena made battle plans well into the night.
At the end of the war council, Maegor dismissed everyone and stayed alone in the throne room to brood.
The following morning, Elinor Costayne found the King dead, his wrists slashed and throat impaled on the back of the Iron Throne.
Lord Rosby was one of the last people to see his king alive and drank a cup of hemlock to follow him in death.
Lord Jordan Towers named his last son Maegor and died of a chest conjection after Jaehaerys’ ascension to the Throne.
Elinor Costayne left King’s Landing while donning the clothes of a penitent and eventually renounced all claims to nobility and became the owner of a Motherhouse in Lannisport.
Ser Maladon Moore was executed for his involvement in Queen Tyanna’s death whom had confessed to poisoning King Maegor’s wives.
Queen Rhaena was expelled from King’s Landing and her claim to the Throne was ignored because of her gender.
Ser Owen Bush was found dead in a brothel with his cock stuffed in his mouth.