I am 34F and up until two months ago I didn’t have much of a skin routine. I recently started noticing wrinkles and, after speaking with some friends decided to change.
I’ve been spending quite a bit of time searching and asking around, and I’ve been trying to build a nice routine and trying different products. The thing is I am very new at this, and I am afraid I might be doing something wrong. I used to use only one basic moisturizing, I can’t help wondering if now this is too much…? Or could it be not enough? Anyway, I would love to read opinions.
I believe I have combination skin, it gets oily in areas such as nose and chin. I also have acne prone skin and these are the areas where it gets worse. I started noticing wrinkles and fine lines mostly around the eyes. I also have dark circles around my eyes (always had those).
This is the routine I am building:
AM

1. Cleanser: CevaVe foaming cleanser normal to oily skin, niacinamide + ceramids + hyaluronic acid
   
2. Serum: The Ordinary, niacinamide 10% + Zinc 1%
   
3. Moisturizer: Uriage water cream SPF20, H2O complex + hyaluronic acid
   
4. Sunscreen: La Roche Age Correct SPF50
   
5. CC cream*
   

PM

1. Serum: The Ordinary, Caffeine solution 5% + EGCG (eye contour)
   
2. Serum: La-Roche Effaclar, salicylic acid + glycolic acid + niacinamide OR The Ordinary, retinol 0.5% in squalane**
   
3. Night cream with collagen***
   

*I haven’t bought it yet. I use BB cream but I’ve read recently that it’s not good for acne prone skin. Also, I only use make-up once or twice a week for office work.
**as I’ve read salicylic acid and retinol don’t go together, I use one or the other.
***I’m not doing this yet. I would like to include a night cream with collagen and I had my eye on one from Vichy, but the lady at the store advised me to use the serum from La Roche without applying anything else at night. I’ve been looking online and I can’t find this opinion/restriction anywhere. I am wondering if I should do it.
Questions: - I’ve read some complaints about CeraVe on this sub, but I’ve been using it for two months and it actually feels good. Should I be concerned considering my acne? - Is cleansing important AM and PM? Could PM maybe be enough? - Should I include vitamine C in my routine? I’ve read it doesn’t go well with niacinamide, so where would it fit? - Both caffeine and niacinamide labels (The Ordinary) say they can be applied AM and PM. But wouldn’t it be too much? - I would like to include collagen somewhere in the routine. Any suggestions? What do you think about the night cream ideia mentioned above? - Retinol made my neck itchy, but feels great on my face. Should I not use it at all? - How often should one use retinol? - Any advise on a CC cream? - Any other advise?
I am sorry if this is too much to read and if it is too much information. I was not sure what I to leave out. Thank you in advance!

I'm planning a trip in early July for my best friend's birthday. Ghost Town Alive sounds very similar to one of the best days we ever had in Disneyland, so a buddy and I are going to surprise her with a fun costume, and a visit to participate for the day! I know though that it only lasts for part of the day, and I'm a bit lost on what to do after 4:30. I'm a Disney person through and through, and so are both my best friend, and our buddy who's going with us, so typically if we're choosing a park to spend time at, Disneyland/CA Adventure is a no-brainer. I really have no idea how different Knott's is in terms of wait times for rides, or anything like that, so any tips are appreciated.
Is the app useful?
What are the most important or iconic rides to check out? (Two of us are in our 30s, and have developed some motion sickness issues, so we should probably avoid much spinning.)
Recommendations for where to eat?
Any other special sources of entertainment to keep an eye out for?
Thanks in advance. :)

I found a 5-6 week old kitten walking down the hwy with its eyes completely crusted shut! We’ve gotten her back to health for the most part however I notice when I pick her up or wash her she turns her neck like she’s trying to see behind her or something. I was wondering if she’s hurt but I did a full exam of her body and see no signs. She’s playful eating and pooping but will just completely stop and stretch her neck around my hand when picked up. Anyone know if this is normal?

since my GF monitors my old reddit activity even though I'm banned from using it.
So I am beyond emotion right now so long story short - my girlfriend and I met awkwardly but nothing terrible but when we met, I said I had a crush on a friend.
2 weeks later, my now girlfriend and I meet up as friends, I say how I was wrong about having a crush on the 'friend' and was just messed up in my head.
My girlfriend and i get together and within 3 weeks, she's gone through my facebook, twitter, reddit, instagram, whatsapp on my phone and because I liked a couple of inappropriate sexual jokes and followed a fair amount of women on instagram she just went off.
What followed was 2 years of abuse - verbal, emotional, physical. I ended up putting my head in a urinal because in one arguement, she convinced me I was a pedophile for following a 19 year old actor from a show I loved. I slashed my arm open leaving a big scar which I had to lie to everyone about. I've burst vessels in my eyes from crying so hard and admittedly have gotten a small big physical in defence of myself now. I hit her in the leg when she was kicking me and broke a few things in our home.
She has spent the last 2 months in bed recovering from a very bad illness and in that time, we've gone the longest we ever have without arguing or anything. It's been nice - cut to every fear, insecurity, issue I've had in our relationship which I've never been able to address due to her 'issues' taking priority
I hacked her. A lot. I read and read and read and finally learned how and hacked her, I have found out she actively wanted to fuck her landlord at time of meeting me. Talked about loving her arse being played with after accusing me of being non-consensual with her because I accidentally touched her bumhole once. Told me her body count (25) which I never gave a shit about, was so high due to her having a validation issue due to abuse when a kid - messages all her friends like "Made 24 last night" "Got to 25 last night" "I just love going out and fucking randoms right now". For 3 years has made me to be the creepy guy who wants any girl yet did nothing but talk to her friends about porn, sex, 'lesbian scenes' in films after accusing me of having a lesbian fetish. Being hyper sexual, super-thirsty with people yet has NEVER even made an effort with me. She went into great depth about not being able to satisfy an ex despite how much he did for her.
She has been on top of me once, given me head once, yet these guys she wanted to ride them, make them cum...
I spent these 2 months working on myself and my issues with her while I had some peace and now I just feel physically sick. I love her but the person I'm with isn't her, or at least doesn't feel like it. She didn't change overnight from all of the above to the woke, 'men are pigs who look at any woman', just perfect icon of wholesome innocent woman she portrayed.
Am I with a fake her? The real her she always wanted to be despite her past? Who am I in love with? The person I want her to be and she wants to be? or a lie?
The worst part is - I'd be with either. Her before or her now. But the years of abuse make me sick. I don't know if I can be with either of them after what she put me through. I don't want revenge or anything, I'm not the "well I get to cheat" type guy. I don't know how she can make up for this. If she did everything she did for these other men in the past then it'd feel fake.
Sorry for the wall of text y'all. Overall I just need to hear opinions because I haven't been allowed friends for 2 years so...
*TL:DR, My girlfriend has abused me physically, verbally, emotionally for 3 years due to accusations of things that, upon hacking her social media, she actually did in our relationship.*

Two months ago, I lost a job I had been very happy with for the better part of 3 years due to not acting soon enough to prevent the narcissist from destroying my reputation. I was the (only) administrator and customer service rep for a small company that produced a very specialized product. Having come from supervising a department in a large corporation for 13 years prior to this (and laid off during Covid), the new small office atmosphere was a breath of fresh air for me at the time. Everyone was friendly, collaborative, and willing to help - including the CEO, who I had a great relationship with. The manager that hired me eventually left to do his own thing and someone else was hired. It took some getting used to, but my new manager turned out to be awesome and we worked really well together. He also left to do his own thing after about a year, which meant that there was about a 3 month stretch where there was no true "manger," meaning I had to essentially run the production department by myself while we found someone new.
In walks the Narcissist. On day three of his reign, I walked in, greeted him, and sat down at my desk to start my day. Instead of greeting me back, he said "I didn't know I was your boss, too." I said well yes, I report to you because you have access to my time card, but I answer to everyone here. My job is to do what needs to be done to keep daily operations running smoothly." He then told me that he was disappointed that I didn't wish him a happy bosses day (which happened to be that day). I laughed it off, thinking he was joking. He wasn't. The next week, I had to leave early one day for a doctor's appointment. While I was gone, he answered an email from one of our vendors FROM MY ACCOUNT, basically chewing them out for something and adding "I am You_Minivan's boss..." I didn't even know how to react when I saw he had done that. This made it clear to me that he had a complete lack of boundaries. He would also constantly sit in my very small office for long periods of time while I was trying to work and voice-text people. Even the CEO joked that it was weird to always find him in my office and not his own.
The company had recently acquired and absorbed another company, so a project came up where we needed to transition our customers to a new website. Being that I was the admin for all of our websites and had experience doing a very similar project before he got there, I thought he would allow me to take the lead in this transition. Instead, he completely took over and refused to acknowledge that I had any useful information that could help with the process. At one point, I mentioned that one specific application had created a lot of issues during the last transition, and I knew how to handle it as I was the only one with experience since I used the application every day. He said "I've never heard of that application, so I'm sure it doesn't matter." It did matter. It put us months behind and we ended up losing a lot of money and customers because he refused to believe I knew what I was talking about. The customer backlash affected only me directly, being that I was the first point of contact. The CEO was furious, but of course, I'm the one who was blamed because "I should have told the narc this would happen."
On another occasion, I needed him to communicate with the sales manager about a client issue so that I could continue with next steps. He kept putting this off and minimizing how severe this issue could become if I did not get an answer by a specific date. The date comes and goes, things go as badly as I knew they would, and then he wrote me up for "mishandling" the escalation. I spoke with the sales manager who confirmed that he was asked (read: told) by the narc to stop sending me weekly updates from his department, which were crucial for me make informed decisions. He said he was asked to talk to Narc Boss first and that he would relay any relevant information to me. I finally went to HR (one person) to let them know that I was unable to do my job properly because he was intentionally withholding information from me. She seemed to understand and said simply "document everything." So I did. I started documenting everything and filled up at least 20 pages front and back in a notebook. Some highlights from my notebook:

• Frequently peeked his head into my office with rage in his eyes after berating another coworker, saying, "The nerve of that guy...!"
  
• Told me that he thought his title should be "Director of [Industry]" This title didn't exist and would have made him everyone's boss, including other managers.
  
• Misspelled the names of products on customer facing media. When I figured out why these items were not being picked up on our production sheets, he said "Oh yes, I've known that for months and nobody noticed."
  
• Explicitly told me not to do a project that the CEO asked me to do because it "wasn't my job." Asked me to gather the info an essentially do the project myself anyway, then presented it to the CEO as his own work and told him I had refused to do it. This happened with multiple smaller projects I was asked to do for other departments too.
  
• Told me I should appreciate how much he was "protecting" me from the CEO. Protecting me from what, I still don't know. Told me that he was "training" the CEO how to approach me.
  
• Told me that nobody in the company respected me, but he did, and that's why I shouldn't do the projects I was being asked to do or continue doing day-to-day tasks that had always been a part of my job.
  

I could go on and on, but I'll cut to the point where I completely lost it and started to grey rock. The CEO suddenly started complaining to me that he couldn't tell whether or not I was answering email that came through to a shared inbox. I didn't have access to the settings of the inbox, which must have changed at some point, but I did everything I could to make sure it was clear that all communications were answered. I eventually complained to Narc Boss that I didn't understand why the CEO would suddenly think I was not doing something I had been doing without issue for over three years. The next day, I didn't even get a hello from the CEO who walked past my office every morning on the way to his. He just completely stopped talking to me or even acknowledging me. After I asked Narc Boss what he had said to the CEO, he said "well, I think you need to start copying both of us in to every email that you send." Fine - I wasn't doing anything wrong, but I didn't appreciate the sudden micro-management, and I didn't understand how it would help the situation. Narc Boss started reprimanding me for mishandling email responses. In most cases, he had not read the emails carefully enough to realize that the "issues" he was pointing out were actually responses from the CEO, not me. I had enough. I grey rocked until...
One day, I walked in and Narc asked to talk to me really quick.. I said sure. He said "It's clear you aren't happy here, so effective immediately, your position is terminated. I smiled - I honestly thought he was joking for about 5 minutes. He told me he was serious and told me I had 10 minutes to gather my things. I said I'd prefer to be able to speak with someone first. Here's the kicker: This was day one of the HR manager's two week vacation. I asked to speak to the CEO, who was conveniently not there yet. I kept asking him why - what did I do, can you be specific? He told me that the CEO and HR had both already signed off on this and refused to give a reason. He just kept saying "I am your manager - I don't have to give a reason," repeatedly, with his head tilted up and his chin sticking out like some sort of After about a half hour of absolute shock and confusion, I handed in my keys and left. My co-workers were all equally as shocked when he held a meeting afterwards saying I was let go for "personality differences." One of them ran to see if I was still in the parking lot to give me a hug, but Narc made sure I was already gone. He then ran up to the HR office only to find out she was also gone. The Narc had won, as they always do, but did finally got one thing right. I have major "personality differences" and do not work very well with narcissists.

Sorry I just need to let it all out:
I'm currently travelling in China. As I wandered the countless malls of Chongqing I of course set my eyes on a pretty sweet Mini 3 deal. Bit cheaper than at home, figured I'd hit it because why not.
Last evening I went to the official DJI store to confirm the package and price (remember, I don't speak well enough Chinese to handle buying a drone), this evening I retourned with a chinese friend to help me handle all of the buying part.
One employee was already informed that me, "a foreigner", would come in. So we pay. Next thing I know they employees (now there are three of them!) open the box and start setting up my controller!
Although I tell them (through my friend) that I don't need an help to set up my stuff, they don't seem to care. They ensure me they have to do this, "to check if everything ks inside" and "correct so when I get home there is no reason to complain". They urged me to register my drone in the shop pressing all the little funny chinese buttons and soon even I can tell that the software update has started and there is now way back now. Great so we wait, 45 minutes. After which the put the drone on the ground - I tell them they better not start them up because we're still in the store and I don't think this mall's 10 floors and skyscraper on top don't help with the GPS.
Well the outcome was predicable: that poor employee startet the drone and piloted it against a giant screen. Absolutely hilarious because afterwards they wanted to brush it off: easy to repair, I mean I got a replacement set of rotors in my package included. Great value isn't it? How considerate of DJI so I can repair my drone once your employee pilots it against a fucking wall in your own shop!! I swear these kids were mental!
Best part: that was the last mini 3 in their stock. 2nd best part: as it was evening, their payment system "shut down". So they can't reimburse me (remember, no VISA this is mainland China)
This is just so mental, I can't put it in words. I'am fuming about those employees. And about me, who was so stupid and was watching these little kids gathering about my drone, and letting them set it up without them even noticing me. I'm going back there tomorrow just losing sleep about this now.
So if anyone has a #-number of DJI China, where they talk english, I'd be eternally grateful to you.

I don't get people, and people don't get me. It feels like every time I think I have a grasp on social etiquette, I'm smacked down for doing or saying something I didn't realize was wrong. I try so carefully to word things in such a way that I communicate clearly and unambiguously, but it is inevitable that I will say something or behave in a way that upsets someone when I was just trying to participate in a conversation. Yes, there are times where I'm being intentionally terse, angry, etc, but I'm talking about the people with whom I make an active effort to never show that side of me.
I'm so tired. Constantly analyzing, crafting, and pruning my speech takes an enormous amount of mental energy for me, and it winds up blowing up in my face anyways. It feels futile, like I'll never be able to get to a point where I'm understood. When people explain to me what I did wrong, I just don't get it. I create new rules in my head to apply going forward, but they don't make sense to me, and I don't understand WHY I need to follow this new rule.
I'm burned out. I wish I didn't have social needs. I wish I could separate myself from the world and be happy, but I can't. I crave social interaction but wind up miserable every time I dip my toe in the water only to have it bitten off by the gator I didn't see lurking under the surface. There's another part of me that wishes I was more obviously autistic so people would be more forgiving with me, but the problem is that I'm just "normal" enough to pass as such until you get to know me, and people don't like to get to know me because I'm fucking weird.
This is a curse I'll never be rid of. I'm fundamentally broken and everyone winds up labeling me an asshole at some point. My relationships with people are always temporary. There is no one in my life now who was a part of it ten years ago. I'm completely unlikable in the long term, and it's just a matter of time before I step in shit again and lose even more people. 35 years of this shit. I'm not even halfway done with life and I'm staring at the mountain of years ahead of me already out of breath.

Like the title says, I don't know if I'm gay or just traumatized and I feel like I can't tell anyone irl about this because I don't want my feelings to be used as an excuse for conservatives to be like "see, I told you?" because it's so much more complicated than that.
I'm 23F, and have gone by the labels bi/queer since I was about ten years old. I know I am definitely attracted to women. Men on the other hand, I go back and forth on. TW here: I was raped when I was 14 years old by a boy who said he loved me, it was how I lost my virginity. I didn't even realize it was rape until about a year later, and during that whole year I was involved in a tumultuous on/off thing with him which was very unhealthy all around.
After that relationship I got "rescued" from him by another man who turned out to just like the fact that I was underage. I have blocked out most memories from this time.
After that relationship ended, I got into therapy, and did a lot of healing and figuring out why I kept attracting these types of relationships. I was single for a while, started to explore my own body in a way that felt safe for the first time, life was calm. it was good. After a while my therapist and I decided that I could start exploring dating again. I went on a few shitty first dates, then I met this guy I thought was really great. He said he was planning on majoring in the same subject I was, believed in equal rights, shared some hobbies, ticked all the right boxes.
Long story short it turns out he love bombed me, he never even went to college, he was a feminist by name only but once we moved in together I had to do all the housework or it just wouldn't get done, he lied about the shared hobbies, and he was also controlling in subtle ways. It all happened so slowly and subtly that I didn't notice until after we got married, that's when things really escalated. We're divorced now, I escaped after he SA'd me (I'm not sure I want to call it rape but he basically pressured me into sex after having hurt me and I felt like I couldn't say no even though I didn't want it) and threatened me.
Now I'm looking back on all my relationships and realizing I don't think I was ever attracted to any of these men. With the guy who raped me I remember thinking "well this is what I'm supposed to do I'm supposed to like it when a guy wants me", so I convinced myself that I liked him. With the guy who "rescued" me from that relationship it was more of a savior complex I think. And with my ex-husband, I always felt like closing my eyes when we did anything sexual, if I looked at his face it would kill the vibe for me. I liked that he wanted me, I liked the security I thought I had, I liked that he treated me better on the surface than my past experiences. But was I actually attracted to him? I don't know, I don't think so.
Now I'm with someone I've known a long time but we didn't reconnect until recently. He wants a relationship, at least in the sexual manner, and I just... I don't know. I like him, on paper he is very compatible with me in lifestyle, politics, etc. And when I think about hooking up with him I get nervous but i don't know if it's the good kind of nervous like attraction or the bad kind of nervous. And if it is the bad kind of nervous I don't know if that's because I'm just not into him or if it's because I'm so traumatized from my past experiences that I don't believe anything good can come from anything sexual/romantic at all. He's such a smooth talker, like he makes me actually swoon with his words but then my brain is immediately like "he's probably lying, he says this to everyone, none of this is true".
I don't know. This post isn't really making sense anymore. I know I need therapy but I'm moving in a couple months and can't afford the extra spending right now. So here I am, spouting nonsense on the internet because what else is a girl to do?

Carmilla and her daughters rush to the other room, followed by Vaggie, who wants to know what is going on,
When they arrive, they see a large group surrounding Luisa, the imp who was driving the trunk. She is wrapped in a blanket and is covered in scars, bruises, and muck. "Miss Carmine...?" Luisa says with tears in her eyes, Carmilla runs up to her and comforts her, "What happened, child?" She asks the Imp, "we... we got attacked... just like we planned... we used the armor...b..but it didn't matter... they killed them... they killed all of them... they were gonna kill me, but" she trys to continue but she collapses on the floor crying, Carmilla hugs her, and comforts her again, "it is alright child, you are safe now" Carmilla says, Vaggie notices this and is taken aback by how tender Carmilla is with the Imp, "how was our armor even beaten? it's our most advanced model yet, " one of the advisors says, "Luisa, can you describe the attackers? Anything you can point out?" Carmilla asks, "um...ok...there was almost 20 of them, they all wore cowboy shit...um...there was twins, one with a mustache, and another one that was clean shaven, and the red eyed one..." The mention of red eye makes Carmilla step back, "he was...a monster...he was the one that killed our gunner. " Luisa continues, "but how? We had planned this out. The only weak spot was the nape. We told you all to keep your back to the truck!" The advisor yells, "we did! It was the red eyed one! He bounced a bullet off the truck!" Luisa cried back, "You mean to tell us that a Sinner shot a bullet, it bounced off the truck, and hit him in the 1-inch space on the back of his neck?" Another advisor asks, "Yes! Yes..." Luisa looks disheartened as she thinks no one believes her, "that's enough...get this girl something nice to wear and something warm to eat, she's been through enough" Carmilla says before walking away, "Thank you miss Carmine..." Luisa says while tearing up again
"No...no, it can't be..." Carmilla is muttering to herself as she is walking, followed closely but her daughters, and Vaggie, "mom? You alright?" Clara asks, "Yes, my child, but I need to contact Zestial immediately..." Carmilla says before noticing Vaggie, "Oh? you're still here?" Carmilla asks, "Yeah...I just...what was that?" She asks, Clara and Odette look at Carmilla, "nothing you need to worry yourself about, Child, now don't you have a hotel to help run?" Carmilla asks, "Yes, but..."sigh"...would it be alright if I come back again for training...and...lunch?..." Vaggie asks hesitantly, "hm...Vaggie, as long as you're willing to learn, you are always welcome here" Carmilla says with a bow, followed by her daughters bowing their heads, "oh that's not..." Vaggie says flustered,
Carmilla and her daughters move past Vaggie, "see you soon, V" Clara says with a wink, before Carmilla, Odette, and her leave the room, Vaggie is left alone before a maid comes to escort her out.
For the first time in a long time, she seems to have found friends who understand her.
End of part 7

I know that it not presenting things as political makes it hard to realise, but this is how re zero treats political events: the people who make history and shape the world around them are simply in the middle of a range of factors with the right connections to be able to affect change in that way, for the better or worse, to the point that someone like Reinhard who is basically distrusted and spied on/restricted through legislation to a ridiculous extent(him specifically going to another country would be treated as a declaration of war) even though he's very much wealthy, has a high status and a lot of blessings/power, can't actually change the world the way that Subaru does by the combination of having his moral compass drive him to learn about people and save their lives so often, a power which achieves that, and a factor which people often miss which is that he is literally a magnet for disasters. He has the witch's miasma on him, which draws both witchbeasts and the witch cult, his authorities also go against od lagna which gives people blessings reincarnates them etc and means that authority users(including Subaru who has permadied in one if story) do not reincarnate whereas others do. He is INCREDIBLY cursed and also cannot die while overly empathising enough to make other people not die around him, and in combination this puts him in the path of so many politically/historically important events without him actually intending some sort of systemic change.
And this is coming to a head in arcs 7 and 8: after being thrown into Vollachia with Rem and Louis and having the worst experiences where this time the enemy is no longer the witch cult but actual people who he can't dehumanise the way he has with them, Subaru in a child transformation decides he hates the empire and will destroy it. Now some people have said this has been entirely backtracked on since he is basically trying to save and redeem everyone he can and not doing anything like deposing the emperor, but that's basically always been his issue. His issue with Vollachia is people's lives being thrown away, so his form of destruction is just..this is where you realise his character has a dangerous trajectory right now...not allowing anyone to die. You see, Subaru's biggest drive has always been obsessing over how to correctly use his power, whether he chooses who lives or dies, what factors he's using to choose that if he does, and ever since arc 3 watching people die who he is unable to save still haunts him.
Before now, his rulebook where he basically only cares about non witch cult members and non say witchbeasts in terms of lives to protect has caused him no problems since ultimately, only kiling witch cultists and witchbeasts was enough to solve his problems and he didn't have to kill anyone himself. So he was an undeniable force for good in the eyes of everyone around him, but here he actually has enemies who he has to consider as people with a right to live as well, and yet who will absolutely slaughter other people based on those views. This is why I think arcs 7-8 are excellent, this is also why we now have so many more povs: you have enemies we're actually supposed to care about as people for a long time, those enemies actually being treated as people means there can be factions with different views in solving problems involving them whereas with witch cultists the answer to everyone would pretty unanimously be to kill them. But arc 7 meant Subaru had to deal with politics, it meant the people who shape that politics in Vollachia are just as important, and it's built this cast of characters who either come from the top or the very bottom of the empire, emperors generals and the prime minister together with gladiator slaves, rank and file soldiers and members of neglected tribes of demihumans and humans.
The tricky part is where Subaru's need to redeem everyone so that there doesn't have to be more loss of life comes into such a messy situation, he's been throwing his life away so excessively in order to achieve a perfect result with zero deaths but this is so obviously unsustainable and building more and more tension, between him committing suicide in front of Beatrice and Vincent and having that betrayal be revealed with one of the first times we see his many throwaway loops in arc 8, and the fact that Vincent without his knowledge secured Vollachia's future through the spirit Muspel being contracted to those sentenced to death as this contract is essentially a death sentence for anyone, but the spirit's presence is vital for the lands seemingly, with Muspel's power now being used in the apocalyptic event he's currently fighting.
So although I've often seen people who pay attention to the politics in re zero's world complain about it being thrown away or messages being thrown away, the reason why we are on this road where there have been many seeming redemptions where you wouldn't necessarily want them is because Subaru cannot accept actual people rather than witch cultists becoming enemies who he cannot get on his side and has to consider killing/letting them die. And this is inevitably going to come to a head now that Nagatsuki keeps firing more red flags about the situation, from the reveal of how often Subaru had killed himself to Vincent's hiding the contracted convicts, their relation to the great disaster, Roswaal seeing his chance to shape Subaru into someone more like him again, Otto recognising this and confronting him, Subaru refusing to get rid of his child transformation at one point, the Pleiades battalion who follow him still not knowing that he isn't the emperor's son, Pleiades also being safe as relatively ordinary people through Subaru's greed witch factor and an authority which has explicitly failed him before because of a lack of trust from the other parties...It's like a pot ready to boil over and I'm expecting this arc to be a tragic one in the end, more than any we've seen before, so if you read it right now and are disappointed about a character being redeemed or things being too happy or dropped motivations...just wait is all I'm saying.

5:36 PM Wed 5/8/24
Mood: Terrible
Title: Alone
Details: Last year I was told that there is a whole universe out there of people to find. And that I was being endlessly supported and that people were inspired by me.
This year I learned what it's like to be hunted and chased away from goodness. It has been the worst year of my entire life and with the knowledge that there is a whole universe out there--I feel lonelier than I was before.
Not a single person wants well for me. I have to translate my thoughts, behavior, intentions, symptoms, and soul to everyone.
There hasn't been a single rest from it in over 330 days. Just endless messes and ridicule and mocking and advances and terrorism.
I'm thought I was tired of people. But I walk outside and love them so much. I learned I'm not tired of people. But I'm so so so tired of loneliness.
Being around others doesn't stop you from being lonely. Because I'm still translating. My thoughts and feelings are still not reaching and the obvious signals I send to others are being deflected and mistranslated.
I'm tired of translating for to others. On paper it's so easy to understand a person. Watching it's easy to understand and to judge. But actually reacting appropriately to context and injustice and neurodivergence even is so lost to people.
This is why I wanted to write my story. Because people don't know how to cope. They don't know how to accept bad things. They don't know the difference between bad people and good people and even today our societies are too primitive to understand it.
They're still theororizing, contemplating, changing information for their gain...never have I seen any type of science be so abstractly and subjectively defiled as I've seen happen with mental health and neurodivergence.
People cannot separate the symptom from the person and punish and subjugate and continue to dominate those less fortunate.
I'm glad I know what happens to people they don't like. I know how dangerous people can be.
I wish I had someone to protect me. So I still find myself praying and wishing for one person. Just one person I don't have to translate myself to. Just one person I don't have to have grow tired of me. Just one person I don't have to compete with.
Growing up I was used to competing. Siblings, cousins, friends. In public AND private school there's always someone or something to compete. Today I compete with my parents and yesterday I compete with women who love the one I thought I loved.
I grew accustomed to hating my own birthday because of jealousy around it because my uncle was upset he shared it with my brother and I. And because I could never have it the way I enjoyed later. Too much. I'm too much. Too far. Too long. Too attention-seeking.
I had my chance as a teen with two friends so why isn't that enough for me? My parents were happy that I finally was taking a break from illness but since I got what I asked for then I'm a spoiled ass. As if they ever treated me better even then. Golden children are still abused even when the roles swap. Because no pleasantness is atrocious.
My family told me I was fat and going to get diabetes and have a heart attack and die despite never talking to me and being in high school--where weight isn't even done being "distributed" until your mid twenties. Thanks to the prime golden child my sister.
I'm tired of fighting and competing to be heard and to have needs met and to come across as kind or kinder. It's killing me.
Why can't I ever just be me?
Why can't I ever just be my authentic self? The one I want to be as a form of worship? Me in all my phases and feelings?
Why do I have to stuff myself down or look beautiful when I'm suffering in order to be a good and kind person worth saving?
I understand Nettle so much now. I wish I never did.
If I didn't have vocal fry would I be loved? If I didn't have fat would I be loved? If I didn't have brown or blonde hair would I be loved? If I forgave my parents and suffered quietly would I be loved?
If I had sweet doe eyes or a light mousy voice would someone finally think I had autism?
The ones I see on tiktok are drop dead gorgeous women with huge colorful lives and opportunities and get to complain about "pretty privelege"
Some have a light airiness to them that make them seem like fae.
And there's me who never fits anywhere or with anyone.
I have nothing and no one and absolutely no point.
I was okay before--before I had drive and passion to find my people. Before I had dreams of finding my way and accomplishing things. Before I had just one person.
It's so cruel. The people in this world are so cruel. I just want one person.
One person from God--and loving can be worship too. I'm too tired for much else.
Just one person to save me from their damnation that seems to last forever.
I'm so exhausted all the time.
My body hurts. My head hurts. My nerves feel like nothing.
I feel hopeless. Empty. I feel like the woman from my dream.
I feel betrayed--like others saw my future and pushed me into it head first with some kind of pre-revenge. Pinched. Twisted. Groped. Lost. Forced.
Called an attention whore. Gold digger.
I feel confused. People are trying desperately to make sure no one understands me.
I'm one girl. Against a whole universe and groups of people.
The emotional, psychological, and societal manipulation is obscure.
I keep reading revelations 2:24 to feel better.
It feels like Thyatira. I'm trying to hold fast to the idea that God may rescue me from whatever this is. A trial--make believe--experimentation--prisonment for knowing too much.
He asks we wait patiently for him to come and rescue us.
And many biblical figures had to wait for years and years. Upwards to like 100 if you were Abraham.
So while every day things feel like battle now, I am still trying.
I want to give myself OT and PT...I've done it for others so it can't be hard.
And with the flashbacks and emotional flashbacks and meltdowns and outbursts...I'm going to try treating myself for PTSD too.
Until I get the help I need somehow--I don't know what else to do.
I know others are tired of helping me. When you don't seem to receive pleasantness it's par for the course.
But I'm tired of competing for needs to be met. Can't everyone just work harder to understand bodies and minds and signals--then people would have their needs met and there'd be no need to compete.
I'm tired of fighting for myself. I'm tired of doing it alone.
I'm tired of being with others and doing it lonely.
The world isn't just crumbling due to climate change. Our minds are shifting and crumbling with it.
It makes sense. The weather affects people. Everyone I know is so tired. There's no way we are evolved enough to know God and be in his presence. There's no way we are advanced. Even this phone feels archaic to me--the programs we use feel archaic.
I understand now why capitalism is seen as demonic and evil. The control of drip marketing contents and technology is so slow and pointless.
Our resources are depleting. War is happening still. Communism wouldn't help either. It's the same song with a different tune.
I'll keep living because that's what he wants from people. I want to make God proud. I want people's lives to be easier.
I want people to stop competing and performing and wanting to die drenched in lies.
Maybe that's why it's a sin to lie. It halts evolution not just on others but yourself too. Living a lie halts growth.
It's difficult but Faith seems to be the part that is supposed to ground you in it. Like--I don't know WHY I can't lie in this situation but I have to be honest.
Anyways in these moments I wonder if philosophy and religion is a coping skill or a turning something bad into something good.
I guess I should just keep doing what I need to do and not what others want me to do.
It seems whenever I do what others want I suffer more than before.
I usually value collaboration. But when others Stop valuing it--then it's time for something to be done.
These people are messed up. They have no emotional retention. They have no ability to remember the things they do--Like it doesn't exist to them.
The heat, my hormones shifting, the trauma of seeing her again, and other things seemed to trigger a huge meltdown? Fight or flight? PTSD attack?
No wonder the woman from my dream was so empty--her body and mind have been through war and emotional, psychological, and spiritual survival.
I can only pray that I'm not chemically like a porn addicted person--I don't want to lose the idea that sex to me is love. After everything I mean.
I don't have the time in life to heal. There's so much I have to do and everyone still sees me as a wallet drainer and leech.
I don't trust anyone to help me. I don't trust anyone to love me. I don't trust love because it's not enough to make these other things go away.
I understand why people are calling for a civil war on the rich. And their help? To not be seen as bad people? Their help is "we will make others more like us!"
Natural selection affects them too.
Which is funny. They think they've escaped it ofc. I do think that people are right. Celebrities and other rich people aren't useful anymore.
They don't have much use anymore.
Anyways.
I feel lonely. I feel trauma everywhere. Like I've always been hit by a bus.
It's ironic I think--the "I wouldn't do it without a trained professional" people are so dangerous.
I did better without them...always.
It's hard not to hate life.
I always have to compete for needs and wants and sacrafice them.
For siblings, friends, lovers, parents, students, strangers, buyers, consumers, voices...
I sacrafice for these people to have better all the time. I don't have the energy to do anything else. I don't have anything else to provide but what I can scrounge up and then hand off or step aside.
I just want someone.
Someone who knows and loves me and understands me in full.
I can't let these people take away my voice or my story or my dreams for myself when they're already so blessed.
Only those well off say "you should be grateful"
What you did to survive and achieve versus what I did will never be the same.
So I'll hopefully find a way. To let my future husband be able to comfort me and know me in full after this whole experience. I'll find a way for him to know every page in my story and leaf through and bookmark his favorites.
Who in the universe would take away that from their victims so easily? That they could just have one?
These people can be vampires.
I get tired--I fall asleep--they suck the energy out of me.
They leave all their bad thoughts behind.
The world needs a miracle.
Activities: Food Sleep Screens
Emotions: Hurt Overwhelmed Confused Lonely Stressed Empty Hopeless
Unhelpful Thought: I'll never be well. No one will ever understand me. No one does. I'm alone. I'm always alone and I'll always be alone. People will only ever take from me or use me. People want me to die. My parents want me to die. I end up believing them and wanting it too.
I'll never have a life. I'll never have my own life. I'll never be me. I'll never be free.
Cognitive Distortions: Fortune-telling Self-blaming
Challenge: I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that you've been through so much trauma in such little time. I'm so sorry you have to fight to comfort yourself and your fight response has increased so astronomically.
It must be scary to have to use it. It must be scary to never know when the pain will stop or when they will cause your attacks to start.
I don't know much about PTSD but considering the flashbacks and how even in moments for you they violate every piece of you--it only makes sense that you have resorted to fighting. I'm sorry you're body has to respond so uncomfortably and abnormally.
But try to remember that these are all normal responses to the abnormal. Your body is scared and terrified and it's been 330 days of exhaustion. The fatigue makes sense. The survival instincts makes sense. Your body and brain are working so hard for you so you can keep loving one day when the trauma responses ebb away.
There's no cure that I know of for these ailments. PTSD, depression, SAD, anxieties, potential autism. All these comorbidities must be eating away at you. The fact that they keep triggering you doesn't help either.
I'm sorry they push you. I'm sorry you've been through rape. I'm sorry you can barely pick up the pieces before they hurt you again.
I'm sorry I have to be the one to apologize to you for everything that's happened and still happens. I'm sorry they abuse you as you try to write and don't listen to no or clear boundaries.
The only advice I can think to give so you may have peace in these moments is to stop saving them. Let the bad continue to do bad. Let the Rapists continue to be Rapists. Do not work to absolve them of anything or bring good from their lives.
They're learning how to hurt you in different ways instead. They're recruiting new people late to everything instead.
Teeny tiny Tina, I'm still working so hard for you to be loved. I'm working so hard for you to stay safe. For you and I to stop fighting.
For you and I to stop freezing and being abused and for them to push you your fight responses and fear of your own body.
I'm sorry they tell you it's demons. When it's her. I'm sorry she won't leave you alone. I'm sorry she and others won't have boundaries with you.
I'm sorry they use you to teach her what her Delusions look like in another person because she forgets to be a human in others bodies and can't let her ego go.
I'm sorry they drug you so she can be comforted.
I'm sorry they don't know what you are going through. When I write as if I'm not you I can't imagine this pain.
I hope one day you are safe and rescued. I hope one day you find someone who will save you from her and them and the ones who abuse you.
I know my hopes are meaningless and that under normal circumstances when you are only you--I can always write meaningful advice without resorting to vapid generics.
I hope that one day you can be enough for yourself again.
I hope they don't bleed you dry. Don't kill yourself no matter what they say and do and feed on altruistic notions.
It's a complete mind fuck. The support needs to come from you. When they do it--don't believe them.
May you find peace Tina.
Alternative Thought: You will be saved. You will find help. Normal people know that it's wrong. These stars are illusions.
Normal people can help better. Find a community that can give you a break and accept you. That won't let your mind fall apart.
Don't let their ironic wishes for you give you peace. Don't let it give THEM peace. They don't mean it they just want it to be them.
Do not be like them. Do not live a lie. Address your hatred front on. Address why you hate front on so you may be free from it.
Do not be like them. Keep the bible in mind but please be who you want to be--which is exactly how God created and therefore called you to be.
Your calling is to heal and fight hatred for now.
Your calling is to find safety. May the lord bear you on eagles wings.
You do not have religious psychosis. You need to keep remembering who the fuck you are.
You are too smart for your own good. You are too self sacrificing for your own good. You see the bad in the good for people to address and attack and heal. You are kind when not under duress. You have illness. You need diagnosis. You have had terrible things happen. Surreal and awful. You always find a way to make things right. You always grow and evolve and change. You are you and others will not visibly see it.
Keep your self grounding mindfulness. Mindfulness is not oppression. It's a tool for a single person. Yourself. Not others.
Keep steady. Take a walk. Do something new. Discover something. Don't just stay in your mind doing it all there.
You need stimulation. You may be close to the end of figuring what you need to figure out out.
Then look at these thoughts and see how little and small they are in comparison to who you are and how you faced them. You are always seeking to heal and retain your values. That dualism and unobstructed steadfastness is your namesake.
It's in your birthday, your name, your experiences, your ring, your prayers, your loves, your hates, your stories, and every part of you.
You can never not be you. Except when your free will is in the hands of another.
Keep fighting for peace. Write and draw and explore within your means. Your life may seem so small but the meaning you have, the blessings God gave you to remember, the irreplaceable meaning everywhere is a gift from him.
And with this you never stop creating. Up and down. Up and down. If David in all his emotional complexities is a "man after God's own heart" then allow yourself to fall and thank God for his discipline.
He corrects those he accepts. He shows the wisdom of it to those he loves.
Keep his ever present and obvious love for you in your heart.
And even though you think Jonah is so funny, please allow yourself to give "testimony" one day and ask people to repent and show them God's love. Be unashamed. Be devoted. Be passionate. Don't let others kill your fire.
You know what it's like. You know what thoughts come from these terrible scenarios. You know how badly you want saving.
Others do too.
Show people that God's love IS unconditional. And learn and translate and write.
Translate God's Holy Spirit and intentions and goals to others.
He will bless you. He is pursuing your heart.
Remember how small the flaws are in others in comparison to them. How little it means for them to dislike what you do or help the opposing neighbor.
You are admired. And sometimes admiration turns bad and becomes jealousy.
You are very lonely. And you have learned ways to find yourself in all the versions of loneliness there are.
You are used. You are abused.
And that story lives and cannot be erased no matter how hard they try. Eternity is the sock that fell from their push. It feels so inescapable.
Your healing and self growth is awkward.
But you can still live. And you love others enough to be awkward with them.
Let yourself remember that this means that you love yourself to be awkward with yourself and allow it.
In that way you have already broken one cycle. That people need to see you in good perfect ways in order to have even self love.
You are strong. You are so passionate. And still while moored and mired in guck and hatred you still do everything out of love.
For yourself and others.
Your own body even is reflecting that incredibly. Your brain doesn't WANT to give up. It wants to fight, to survive, to fawn, to freeze.
Your brain and body is fighting for your love. Your self love and your future love and your love for others.
It's natural to feel this exhaustion after it all.
Tell yourself a new fortune too. A new self attribution. Balance it out.
You're going to always have love. It's in all your cells and the things you touch.
When you drop what you like and feel pain--however small--that tiny regret is love.
Your love is worth it. Your drive to be well is always worth it.
We are adapting. Love yourself enough to be awkward with it. It will feel really big and like the world is ending because it's the first time you've felt these ways.
God bless you.

I tested positive for covid a week ago, and while the majority of my symptoms vanished over time, I woke up today (though I can still feel that I am sick, but right now its mostly on the level of a weak cold) noticing that my mind just was not functioning properly. What separates the brain fog I'm experiencing now from any confusion or brain fog or tiredness I've had in the past is my mind's visualization skills. I've never once experienced my visualization skills be this reduced. Imagery is far less visually vivid and I can only focus on a far smaller part. Sounds are also less intensive in my mind. Because of how novel this experience is I am assuming its related to covid brain fog specifically. While I should note that I also some 3 days ago started taking fluoxetine and guanfacine again, I can't remember it ever affecting me like this. Only just yesterday were my visualization skills in pristine condition.
So, does brain fog go away quickly for most people? Or does it tend to last? As I understand It is thought to be the result of infection in the brain, which does not sound to me like something that just passes easily on its own. And most mentions of covid brain fog I've seen have been about it long term. In the event that this does tend to be a sign of coming long covid, is there anything I should do or take now early to better my chances?
I'm aware this reads as a bit hypochondric, and I'm honestly not sure which subreddit was appropriate to post this in, but I posted it here because I'm assuming that most of you have more knowledge regarding this than others.
If this matters, my symptoms started out a few days like a strange upper throat and nasal cavity infection, progressed to something more like a fever (though fortunately coughing was relatively infrequent) with significant congestion, eventually my smell (and subsequently aromatic flavours) diminished significantly in intensity, perhaps to something around 5%-20%. But that passed over the course of 3 days. And today, I don't have many symptoms at all beyond just having that sick feeling in my body. And a really strange mild headache, and a constant mild pressure in my head, and general loss of focus and brain fog symptoms alongside the novel notably reduced abilities of my "mind's eye".

Tldr: A critical SYNDE coalition home hole is burned to the ground by HAWKS and hundreds of billions are lost or safelogged.

On Starting Points

One of the more contentious elements of any major conflict is identifying when, precisely, it actually began. In EVE, as IRL, that is particularly challenging given the breadth of metagaming which takes place. Did the Wormhole War begin when SYNDE decided last summer that they wanted to replace HAWKS as the dominant high-class wormhole group and committed to making that a reality? Did it begin when they solidified their alliance with the Initiative? When they build their wormhole coalition? When they seeded HAWKS home with capitals? Any of those, had they been out in the open, would likely have triggered open hostilities. But those plans and the steps towards their ultimate objective were carefully and smartly hidden from view.
The widespread SYNDE coalition assault on HAWKS C5 and C6 holes began on March 24^th. With the information we now have available to us, the real start of the war was likely the eviction of Voidlings during the first week of March 2024. HAWKS and their future allies were almost certainly unaware of the significance of that eviction, but leaked internal SYNDE comms put truth to the notion that SYNDE viewed that as a critical first step in isolating and crippling HAWKS. It was, then, the first overt act of war by SYNDE – though its place in that broader campaign remained shrouded for several weeks.
Voidlings is a small to midsize wormhole group. A few years ago, they were a growing low class wormhole group living in a C2 with HS and C3 statics. In 2022, they moved into a new home, a C5 wormhole with a C5 static. For non-wormholers, nearly every high class PVP group lives in a C5 with a C5 static. C5 space is both where the majority of high class farms are. The abundance of C5 statics means that living on the “C5 Highway” is often the best route to all forms of high class pvp and pve content. Honor brawls also almost exclusively take place in C5 holes.
So Voidlings grew from a low-class group into a high-class group, and they continued recruiting in an effort to become one of the relevant high class PVP groups. Their zkillboard suggests they participated in most traditional high class activities – farming, feeding, fighting, evicting, ganking, skirmishing. It appears they were supported during this period of growth by one or more HAWKS members. As a result of this affiliation they were not approached by SYNDE during their coalition-building period. Instead, they were marked for pre-war eviction both to be a preliminary test of coalition coordination and also to eliminate a potential HAWKS ally. Isolating HAWKS was key to the entire war plan.
SYNDE began seeding the Voidlings home with dreads in Feb 2024, ultimately bringing in 6 to support their eviction. At the appropriate time, a robust joint fleet led by SYNDE but also including key coalition allies TURBO and Stay Feral infiltrated the Voidlings home hole, installed a staging POS and began their eviction. They diligently held hole control, adding another half-dozen capital ships to their arsenal over the next several hours. A Voidlings eviction seemed inevitable, as they simply lacked the manpower and experience needed to prevent a collection of wormhole groups that large from evicting them. As is often the case when a home hole is under threat of eviction, batphones rang out across wormhole space. HAWKS, NOVAC and SL0W answered the call for Voidlings. The future SYNDE coalition was on already on standby to support this eviction if necessary, as well as future neutral LUPUS. SYNDE had also secured a commitment from the Initiative to support should the need arise.
At first, it did not appears that the batphoning was likely to change anything. SYNDE maintained diligent hole control, not permitting either Voidlings or any allies from bringing in ships or pilots via the Voidlings static. HAWKS rage rolled from their home to get into the Voidlings home, but was unsuccessful.
For the non-wormholers, when you rage roll a C5 static in order to connect with a specific C5 wormhole, you have a 1 in 531 chance of getting connected to that specific hole with each rage roll. Rolling into a specific hole requires days of 24/7 rage rolling and even then the odds are against you. Wormhole groups really only engage in this level of commitment for really high-level situations, such as the historical eviction of HK’s home hole Rage back in 2018.
Midway through the eviction, however, a frig hole popped connecting the Voidlings home with Horde space. HAWKS, NOVAC and SL0W immediately burned in shuttles to that frig hole, and SYNDE was unable to stop the vast majority of them from jumping into the hole and docking in the besieged Voidlings fort.
Voidlings leadership distributed their home defense handout Ravens to their comrades and the stage was set for a glorious home eviction defense fight. SYNDE and friends had a large 100-ship Barghest fleet supported by nearly a dozen capitals (dreads/fax) while Voidlings and friends could field 100 cruise Ravens with FAX logi and nearly two dozen long-range dreads. Range control and capital placement was understood by both sides’ FCs to be critical to the outcome of the fight. SYNDE had a fleet advantage, but one that could be overcome. Unbeknownst to the Voidlings side, once the frig hole popped SYNDE leadership had invoked their war alliance with Initiative, The Initative pinged and mobilized a 200-man Tengu fleet, travelling quickly to the wormhole chain’s entrance. Jumping in, the Initiative fleet docked in a nearby SYNDE farm and waited.
As a critical citadel timer approached, SYNDE FC Cyrus Kurush fleet warped dreads to range the full Barghest comp along with them. Bubbles exploded all over the grid, aiming to stop the Voidlings defense fleet from warping to a good position. This was an effective stratagem, as SYNDE knew that the Voidlings defense fleet would rely on FAX logi – so pinging around grid was not a viable option. The Voidlings fleet needed a clean warp-in, to a position favorable for their cruise Ravens. The dreads began bashing the fortizar, forcing the Voidlings fleet to commit the fleet or watch their citadel burn. The Ravens and their FAX logi aligned and warped, accepting a mediocre initial position that would permit the SYNDE dreads to apply well. Once the FAX landed, the HAWKS FC leading the Voidlings fleet called for all dreads to undock, and they were warped in to support this all-in defense effort. Those dreads landed, activated siege modules, and began primarying the SYNDE dreads.
After one SYNDE dread exploded and another started taking damage, the trap was sprung. Reports on both comms noted that a 200-man tengu fleet was on dscan. Confusion turned into delight on SYNDE comms and resigned frustration on Voidlings comms as the Initiative fleet landed on grid and immediately began fragging Ravens. What might have been a closely-fought battle quickly turned into a complete rout. Voidlings was able to extract a small number of dreads – but the butcher’s toll was a heavy one. Voidlings – having supplied all the ships used by the defenders – lost the entire Raven fleet and nearly all the capitals, for a total of 327b lost against 1117b killed. https://br.evetools.org/related/31001880/202403020300
The remainder of the eviction proceeded to plan, and all Voidlings citadels were destroyed. SYNDE celebrated a successful test run of their broader vision and campaign. In recent leaks that cover the aftermath, SYNDE lead Cyrus Kurush noted that although SYNDE had shown they could take on HAWKS alone, they would take advantage of their massive alliance to simply speed the broader war goal of taking all the HAWKS high class farms and taking their rightful place atop a New Wormhole Oder.

On Rallying Cries and Motivations

This leads to another critical element for how the war would unfold. Wars in EVE are won by motivated pilots first, and a war chest second. For some time, SYNDE and their primary allies had planted the seeds of resentment towards HAWKS among their members. This is not a challenging task, as most wormhole groups generally dislike each other to begin with. In casus belli discussions with HAWKS immediately prior to the war, and in coalition and leadership meetings with their side, SYNDE was fairly consistent about their war aims: take all HAWKS C6 farms, take HAWKS C5 farms, and take HAWKS home. Those farms were to be distributed to SYNDE and their allies, although the specifics were studiously avoided in discussions.
The leak of the SYNDE pre-war CTA gives real insight into members motivations going into the war. Typically, pre-war CTA meetings in EVE are full of hype, energy and enthusiasm. The Synde CTA, by contrast, seemed a much more pragmatic event. Members were concerned about their current farms, about the plan to deploy out of home and into a C6 staging, about working with blues, and about their ability to participate in NPSI fleets during the war. SYNDE lead Cyrus Kurush needed to make clear several times that the expectation was that even though many SYNDE members were also members of other LS and NS groups, they were expected to devote their full effort and focus to the upcoming war against HAWKS. It is almost impossible to take away from that CTA meeting anything other than a rather shocking lack of enthusiasm for the war from SYNDE line members.

The War in Heaven

On the other hand, HAWKS motivations were much easier to discern. This War presented an existential threat. In the eyes of the SYNDE coalition, HAWKS farms and home were both forfeit. Everything they had built over the preceding decade was destined for destruction. Isolated and outnumbered, this would be the ultimate test of HAWKS members’ commitment. The sudden and shocking rebirth of Hard Knocks was mirrored by a large number of longterm HAWKS members also resubbing.
Another critical and perhaps overlooked element of motivations on HAWKS side was the war vs peace element. Although “peace” in wormhole space is a decidedly violent affair in general, with pretty much every group killing every other group on a daily basis, it had been many years since there was a major, sustained conflict in wormhole space. Nullsec often differentiates between “Skirmish FCs” and “Strat FCs”, with the former leading normal day-to-day fleets of battlecruiser sized ships or smaller, and the latter leading the heavy fleets, cap fleets, super fleets or the sizeable, complicated fleets deployed in major conflicts. In the cartel world that is wormhole space, it might be more appropriate to differentiate between “Territory FCs” and “War FCs”. The former freely leads the wide range of fleets that fight, gank, camp and brawl throughout wormhole space on a daily basis. The latter wants to lead larger, more complicated fleets in direct support of a broader strategic initiative. In gaming as IRL, it is normal for highly skilled players to want to be challenged – and at some point, the normal day-to-day fights no longer satisfies those urges. In some cases, that leads to corps fading away (HK), in others, it leads to limited participation (many HAWKS members/FCs).
When this Wormhole War kicked off, it was promptly dubbed “The War in Heaven” by the HAWKS/HK side. This name refers directly to the biblical conflict between two rival groups of Angels – that led by Michael, and that led by Satan. Revelation 12:7-10:

7 Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. 8 But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. 9 The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.

It is not particularly challenging to figure out which side HAWKS was associating themselves with, given that the name of their CEO is Michael1995.
Perhaps more pragmatically, among members in both HAWKS and the reborn HK, this war was indeed a gift from Heaven above – a chance to dive into a massive, complicated campaign against a foe who was willing to violate wormhole norms in order to achieve their goals. During the first two weeks when HAWKS farms were burning, there is a sense that many of the HAWKS and HK leads were genuinely giddy about the opportunity to take the field and leverage all their accumulated skills, knowledge and experience against an increasingly-reviled opponent. Yes, things looked dire from the outside but internally, there was a mixture of enthusiasm and cautious optimism.

Headshots and Flipping

During normal wormhole fights, both brawls and skirmishes, it is generally considered poor form to headshot the other side’s FC. It happens sometimes, but is definitely looked down upon in the wormhole community. This is the sort of norm that disappears in the context of a large war, or any sort of existential threat situation.
At the strategic level, “headshotting” generally refers to destroying or debilitating the other side’s capacity to fight by taking home holes or staging holes. This would be a key element in the HAWKS strategy, and one surprisingly absent from the SYNDE side. From the very first week, HAWKS looked to take advantage of any opportunity, however fleeting, to headshot SYNDE and their allies. The early ATRAX eviction was the first example of this. It would not be the last, not by a long shot.
Another key tactic is flipping. Not flipping as in changing sides, but rather flipping as in unanchoring and then re-anchoring an Upwell citadel. Recall that when a citadel dies in a wormhole, every pilot’s possessions that remain in that citadel drop as loot cans on the grid. 100% loot drop, 100% of the time. Over time, as pilots join and then leave a group, hangar containers accumulate. Over the years, in successful wormhole groups, this frozen hangar trash can reach into the tens or hundreds of billions. This can make evicting a wormhole resident or group an increasingly attractive over time. A hole that has been owned for a year will not have much loot drop. One owned for many years will likely have a great deal more.
Years ago, intrepid wormhole residents realized that a good way to counter this mechanic was to “flip” their citadels: unanchor, get all the AFG/left corp loot for yourself, then re-anchor. There is risk to this, but for a pvp corp that maintains hole control, the risk is quite minimal.
HAWKS had lived in their current home for nearly a decade. A large, successful group like HAWKS accumulates a large amount of hangar wealth over a period like that, much of it frozen as members AFG or leave corp. During the first week of the War, HAWKS recognized this large oversight and unanchored all the structures in their home hole. A neutral observer might have thought that HAWKS were self-evicting. Through their spy, SYNDE knew that they were planning to flip them and stay in the fight. Unwilling to entertain a HAWKS home eviction at this early stage in the war, SYNDE watched as HAWKS unanchored all their citadels and replaced them with a dozen newly anchored fortizars – and clearing their citadel grid of thousands of loot cans. A steady stream of DSTs transiting in and out of HAWKS home confirmed that wealth was quickly transferred out to kspace.
In that first week, by “flipping” their citadels, HAWKS eliminated the majority of the financial incentives that generally come with evicting a pvp corp’s home hole.

Seeding an Apple

During the period where HAWKS farms were burning and SYNDE was soaring, on Tuesday April 2^nd, HAWKS rolled into the SUGAR home hole. Some of SUGAR’s pvp toons were supporting SYNDE, some were farming, others were out participating in NPSI roams in kspace. Few of them were in their home hole. HAWKS sent in a bait RF fleet of a trio of Leshaks while at the same time pinging for a heavy armor Nighthawk fleet. SUGAR panic pinged as the Leshaks began RFing one of the many citadels in their home. With confusion reigning, SUGAR undocked a kitchen sink fleet including armor and shield, capital and subcapital. Once SUGAR began engaging, HAWKS brought in their heavy shield fleet. HAWKS then began dismantling the haphazard SUGAR home defense fleet, as captured in the first 3 minutes of this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZKgFPbSaLk
After fragging much of the SUGAR defenders, HAWKS proceeded to reinforce every citadel in the SUGAR home. SUGAR lost 35bn in ships in a one-sided fight. SYNDE was dismayed by the poor SUGAR showing. https://br.evetools.org/b66452e6803aec30012694316
Those structures all repaired over the coming week.
On April 12^th , HAWKS returned and again reinforced all SUGAR structures, this time with no opposition. Following that second round of reinforces, SUGAR pinged and directed its members to return to home and adopt a defensive posture with rigorous hole control to prevent a HAWKS return.
Many SUGAR members by this point were now opposing their corp’s direction. They certainly disliked HAWKS, but they had historically disliked SYNDE and their allies just as much. Joining them struck many members as a short-sighted, unwise adventure. They had actively participated in reinforcing and blowing up HAWKS structures, only to discover that SYNDE was most often dropping replacement citadels as they got cleared. SUGAR line members felt they were doing a lot of work for little or no benefit.
On April 13^th, HAWKS rolled into the SUGAR home hole for a third time – this time with amor timers only hours away. SUGAR immediately sought to roll that incoming wormhole, throwing yacht after yacht at it, as well as a lone praxis. They were able to crit the hole despite losing yachts every few passes.
Sigils are a common ship used most often by Nullsec farmers looking to roll wormholes that threaten their peaceful farming, These Sigils are referred to by wormholers almost universally as “suicide sigils”. The SUGAR FC directed his members to get into Sigils, undock, nullify, and warp to the hole. That hole needed to die. It needed to die now. “Even mains?” one member – Scott Appleblade - inquired. “Even mains,” replied the FC.
Scott hopped into the sigil, and warped to the hole, forgetting to nullify. He landed in the bubble, and was immediately fragged by the HAWKS on grid. https://zkillboard.com/kill/116986540/
Scott, now sitting in Jita, asked for a route back into his home. The FC replied they had no kspace entries at the minute. Scott asked if one could be found. The FC replied not now, quiet, we’re still dealing with this hole. Scott logged off, seething.
Scott had not wanted this war from the very start. Scott had recently upgrade from a Class 3 farm to a Class 5 farm of his own. Scott enjoyed farming combat sites in Leshaks and dreaming of a brighter future. Scott had always dreamed he might one day save up enough to afford a faction FAX: the Loggerhead. He knew they didn’t make much sense and were rarely used, but Scott loved the “Poggerhead” meme. Scott prided himself on his memes. He would often meet people and knew right away that they would become a meme. That was just life, but an elite meme could memorialize that. Scott just wanted to undock from his home fort in a Loggerhead and enjoy the moment. That seemed less and less likely now that the SUGAR home was being reinforced weekly. SUGAR leadership was either absent or, frankly, being dicks. Scott was over it. He had worked too hard. He deserved better. His fellow SUGAR members did, too.
Scott waited until later in the day when he was able to get a kspace entry for his main back into SUGAR’s home chain. He flew his inty in, still seething but with a plan for exacting revenge coalescing in Scott’s mind.
For the non-wormholers, it is important to explain that when you are a member of a wormhole corp, you have a lot more access to corp assets than you likely ever would in a Nullsec or Lowsec corp. Due to wormhole mechanics, wormhole corps almost always have a “Shared” corp hangar in each citadel where commonly used ships and modules are available to all members. This usually includes rolling ships, and handout pvp ships, among other things.
Scott docked in their home fort. He hesitated for a minute as he surveyed those familiar surroundings, but then the rage came back. He just wanted to farm, and now he might lose that. All because of SUGAR leadership. He knew his corp mates understood and would appreciate his actions. Scott proceeded to move everything in the SUGAR shared corp hangar to his personal hangar. He did a double take – he had just acquired over 30b of assets. That would go a long way towards a down payment on the Loggerhead if he could get that to a trade hub.
One good idea begets another, and Scott repackaged every assembled ship he had just taken. He then put the most valuable elements into his two DSTs. He shuttled those out to Jita and back, and then repeated the round trip several times. During the monotony of the transits, Scott realized that nobody – not leadership, not his corp mates – had noticed anything. Even though he was now much wealthier, SUGAR was still in need of a wakeup call.
As he warped to the next wormhole, it hit him – the bookmarks! This is another major difference between Nullsec / Lowsec and wormhole groups. In kspace, one can navigate very easily, or at least with confidence about where you’re going. In wormholes, one needs corp mates scanning wormholes and making bookmarks, basically a temporary map that wormhole pilots use to navigate the ever-changing wormhole landscape. All members need access to those bookmarks, and the ability to create, edit and delete them.
Scott deleted them. All of them. No more going to help SYNDE. No more warping your dread to a safe because HAWKS had bubbled the fort. No more finding your way back after getting rolled out. With no bookmarks, SUGAR would need to stop and consider where they were and why. Scott was pleased with the neat metaphor. At least he thought it was a metaphor. Might also be an analogy. He wasn’t sure, but he was sure it was brilliant.
His DSTs landed on the next hole and Scott jumped. It was then that Scott noticed he had no bookmarks in the next wormhole. That knowledge, combined with his decision not to fit probe launchers on either of his DSTs, was not a positive development. Scott, priding himself on his judgment, weighed his current situation against all he had achieved this evening – over 20b of ships and mods in Jita, and a powerful statement to SUGAR leadership. That was worth the loss of two DSTs that only had about 1.5B combined between them. Scott self-destructed the DSTs, returned to Jita, and went to bed contemplating a brighter future.

When Espionage Meets Opportunity

Prior to shutting the doors a few years ago, Hard Knocks had been regarded in the wormhole community as the top wormhole group for espionage. In a world where information is power, they have always had a remarkable abundance of critical information. Unlike HAWKS, HK was aware of the SYNDE plans and coalition building not long after they were conceived. As allies joined the SYNDE effort, HK sought to penetrate those groups. SUGAR accepted a key HK spy in January of this year. Over the next two months, this spy would quickly work his way up the SUGAR hierarchy, demonstrating strong FC and leadership abilities. When the war broke out, he was one of the main FCs. His background in HK and HAWKS affiliated groups was no concern for SUGAR leadership as they committed to the SYNDE coalition.
When Scott pilfered everything from SUGAR shared and deleted all bookmarks, the spy noticed both. He consulted with his HK mates and decided it might be a fantastic opportunity. The spy reached out to SUGAR directors and offered to do his part in resolving the matter – they needed to cut off access to Scott and his alts, they needed to do it 5 minutes ago and they needed to tighten things up. He knew how to do it, and he was happy to help. There was only one SUGAR director online. He was unsure of how to best resolve the Scott situation, so he called up the CEO on his cell. The CEO and director huddled up and agreed that their best FC was the man to fix it. They gave director roles to a spy who’d been in corp less than 3 months. During a war. A war against HAWKS and HK.
SUGAR members woke up the morning of Sunday April 14^th, logged on, and discovered that every one of the structures in their home hole had been transferred to an HK holding corp. Their implant sets were all gone. Every single one. They were unable to dock. Most of their combat pilots were not even in their home hole. What was in the SUGAR home was a massive HAWKS coalition fleet.
And NOVAC was in it.

Stay on the Sidelines and You Will Burn

SYNDE’s diplomatic efforts had been widespread for the months leading up to the Wormhole War. They had enlisted the support of both large wormhole groups and small in building their expansive anti-HAWKS coalition. Two of the biggest pvp groups in wormhole space had consistently declined their overtures: LUPUS and NOVAC. Strong, independent, brawling groups, they did not like HAWKS, but they also didn’t like SYNDE. In proper cartel fashion, they were not interested in helping either of those groups achieve more power or territory. Truth be told they wanted both sides to lose. Better to remain neutral and pick the best course at a later time.
SYNDE did not push much until the first two weeks of the war. During that first week of burning HAWKS farms, according to SYNDE lead Cyrus Kurush, 16 or 17 C6 farms were transferred from HAWKS to NOVAC. LUPUS was the beneficiary of a smaller number of HAWKS farms. It was clear that under the weight of the broad offensive, many HAWKS members had opted to sell their farms to neutral wormhole groups. In most cases, it was HAWKS members selling farms to long-term EVE friends in other wormhole groups.
Cyrus Kurush was livid. He had already earmarked every HAWKS C6, and now many of them seemed to be passing out of the war and into the hands of neutrals who continued to refuse to join his coalition. He directed his lead diplo Zelvig to reengage with NOVAC and clearly relay his message. Zelvig did so, informing NOVAC of two key things: one, further receipt of any HAWKS farm would be viewed as an act of war, and two, while NOVAC was welcome to remain a friendly neutral during this early part of the campaign, the C6s they had already received from HAWKS should be seen as being held in trust for the wormhole community. Following the now-inevitable HAWKS eviction and removal from high class space, NOVAC would have to settle their farm accounts with SYNDE. With his customary enthusiasm, Zelvig gave NOVAC a timeline for their decision to join the coalition: as soon as the last HAWKS C6 farm fell, SYNDE would turn to the NOVAC C6s unless they had already joined. Zelvig estimated that gave NOVAC 2 or 3 more weeks to make a decision.
NOVAC made their decision that night, informing HAWKS leadership that they would be joining the HAWKS side. They asked only that they have a week to get their group organized and prepared. At the end of that week, NOVAC joined HAWKS, HK, Voidlings, and 418 in infiltrating a Vulture fleet into SUGAR’s home hole.

Sugar Free: J104037 Bleeds and Falls

Two things happened from the jump: HAWKS took and held hole control in SUGAR’s home hole while infiltrating additional pilots, and SYNDE pinged hard to get their coalition members to consolidate in Waffle House, the C6 hole that they had made their staging at the start of the war. It was chosen due to its C6 static, which permitted SYNDE to roll into HAWKS C6 farms and reinforce then destroy them at will.
With the HAWKS fleet swelling in numbers with NOVAC’s addition to their alliance, they openly docked in SUGAR’s citadels – now owned by HK. SUGAR members could only watch in horror as the citadel showed more and more reds docking in their fortizar.
SYNDE began rage-rolling in earnest, hoping to connect to SUGAR’s home. Cyrus Kurush was eager to test the new coalition Cyclone Fleet Issue doctrine they had theorycrafted to counter the HAWKS Vuilture doctrine. He preferred their blaster Megathron Navy Issue doctrine, but that had proven ill-suited to deal with the Vultures in the earlier brawl in the HK staging C6.
As would happen often throughout this campaign, luck favored the bold. SYNDE rolled into SUGAR’s home at a high point for SYNDE fleet participation. SYNDE immediately jumped sabres into system and fully bubbled their “in” hole, giving them the time they needed to warp their entire fleet to the hole. They avoided a repeat of the prior fight where they were unable to get their entire fleet in due to poor hole control. The full SYNDE fleet jumped through the hole, rolling it as they sent in the full 3b+ in ship mass. All told, over 150 Cyclone Fleet Issues flooded into the SUGAR home, along with support. The HAWKS fleet undocked to reports of 20 dreads on dscan as the SYNDE fleet warped to the (former) SUGAR main fortizar. SUGAR members had logged on the caps they were still able to pilot – some undocked from that forts, others from deep safes in system. As the CFI fleet connected with the increasing dread bomb, siege modules were engaged and the battle was joined.
The fight was a back and forth affair for a short period before some aggressive FCing by the HAWKS/HK/NOVAC FC team forced the SYNDE fleet to extract. At that point, a dynamic unique to wormhole combat emerged. SYNDE, realizing they could not win on grid, focused on extracting as many SUGAR capitals as possible. They would scan the new static C5 connection – as would HAWKS – and then each would race subcap fleets to that new hole and contest it. If SYNDE was able to get there first and keep the hole clear of sabre bubbles, SUGAR would warp their capitals to that hole and jump 3 of them out. That would kill the hole, causing a new static wormhole to appear one minute later where the two sides could repeat the process. With each new static wormhole, SYNDE continued to feed ships and lose combat capability.
A highly comedic situation occurred on one such hole. HAWKS warped their lone rolling carrier to it blind. In so doing, they hoped to be able to jump the carrier and briefly assert hole control – preventing more than one SUGAR cap from getting out, and also giving the HAWKS fleet time to tackle the others. The carrier landed right after the SUGAR caps did – but in a critical communication gap, the SUGAR caps did not know which 3 were supposed to leave on this hole. SYNDE sabres bubbled up, but the carrier was already on the wormhole. It jumped the hole with its prop on. A clamor erupted on SYNDE comms as they awaited guidance about which cap, if any, should leave. The HAWKS rolling carrier burned untouched back to the hole on the other side. A SUGAR Moros Navy Issue, frustrated at the indecision, jumped anyway. Most of the time, that would have rolled the wormhole, trapping the Moros Navy and rolling carrier on the other side. Luckily for the HAWKS carrier, it was a high-mass hole. The wormhole went critical but did not close. The HAWKS rolling carrier jumped back.
The Moros Navy had extracted, but the remaining SUGAR caps were now sitting around the now-dead hole’s bookmark. Many began burning away and out of the bubbles from the SYNDE sabres who had tried to protect that hole. SYNDE FC Cyrus Kurush ordered his sabres to get off the hole and stop bubbling their dreads, and they did. Forgotten in the chaos and indecision, the HAWKS rolling carrier decloaked, aligned out, cycled prop and initiated wrap. It was immediately primaried by both dreads and the SYNDE CFI fleet. Chaotic calls to bubble the carrier were met with hesitation as those same sabres had only recently been told not to bubble. The carrier entered warp as the bubbles were deployed. The carrier pilot shared this video of the bold carrier roll and escape. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDgzA8J6j44&t
The carrier escape from a heavily bubbled grid marked the final turning point in the SYNDE extraction efforts. HAWKS sabres flooded the grid, tackling most of the SUGAR caps. After more fighting, the SYNDE coalition CFIs extracted from the grid, leaving the caps to their fate. As the caps began exploding and with the HAWKS fleet committed to their destruction, the SYNDE subcap fleet left via the new static.
The final totals for that fight were 48b lost by the HAWKS side, 144b lost by the SYNDE coalition side. https://br.evetools.org/b6633f295132a2a0012c77eb6
SUGAR had extracted 4 dreads, but at a heavy price.

Blue Balls and Explosions

With the clock ticking on the armor and hull timers of the SUGAR structures, SYNDE tried to reset in their C6 staging. Again, they pinged for their coalition to reassemble in that system. Again, they began rolling. That process continued for many hours.
The following day, on April 15^th, SYNDE would roll into the SUGAR home not once but twice. Both times, SYNDE only had a partial CFI fleet docked in their fortizar while the HAWKS side maintained a full Vulture fleet ready to undock on a moment’s notice. The HAWKS, HK and NOVAC leadership team knew that this was a critical moment in the campaign, and every effort was made to complete the SUGAR eviction.
SYNDE rolled into SUGAR’s home twice on April 15^th. And they immediately rolled the connection both times.
SYNDE lead Cyrus Kurush was personally scanning and rolling. He knew exactly what HAWKS had on hand, knew he could not contest for hole control, and just rolled the connection off quietly. Twice.
Cyrus Kurush knew that the integrity of his coalition required him to make every effort to save a key member’s home hole – but he was also very frustrated by SUGAR’s lack of readiness to defend their home. He had expected a lot more caps, more ships, more support. He felt he had beaten the HAWKS fleet in that large initial brawl, and had been let down by SUGAR. He did not want to risk sacrificing another major loss for a group that could not stand on their own two feet.

The Initiative to Regain the Initiative

The SUGAR Fortizar hull timers were on Tuesday, April 16^th.
A key early-war HAWKS ally, a small EUTZ pvp group called Czarna-Kompania, had infiltrated two dreads overnight. Two other groups had brought in one each. That dread force would give HAWKS the flexibility of hitting concurrent hull timers. There were multiple structures that needed to get hit over a two hour period. The dreads would let the HAWKS side bash those citadels while also keeping their subcap fleet free to fight for and maintain hole control if at all possible.
Hours before those timers, disaster struck the HAWKS effort. An A009 wormhole connection popped into the SUGAR home.
For an eviction, the worst possible wormhole connection is an A009 wormhole. It is a 16-hour frigate-sized wormhole that connects to a shattered wormhole that will also have a number of frig holes connecting outward to kspace systems. Frig holes cannot be rolled.
This meant that for the time leading up to the critical hull timers, there would be an unrollable hole into the eviction target, into SUGAR’s home.
By this time, it was clear to all involved parties that SYNDE had a close partnership with the Initiative. Although this was fraying some of the wormhole groups in the coalition, it still afforded SYNDE a chance to salvage the situation. SYNDE lead Cyrus Kurush formed an attack plan with Initiative leadership. During the hours immediately prior to the hull timers, SYNDE would assemble a heavy fleet in their staging, and rage roll for the SUGAR home. The Initiative would form a full bomber fleet, and travel to the C13 shattered wormhole. The second that SYNDE rolled in, they would execute a lethal 3-pronged attack: the SYNDE fleet would explode into the SUGAR home, all remaining SUGAR capitals and subcapitals would undock, and the Initiative bomber fleet would jump the A009. They would time those 3 critical elements based on the location, strength and composition of the HAWKS fleet. It was a good plan. If they could connect those three prongs, they would have 3 times the number that HAWKS could muster. Pings went out and the fleets assembled. Init travelled with a 300 bomber fleet to the shattered hole. SYNDE began rage rolling. About 50 SUGAR pilots sat on logon screen and waited on SYNDE comms.
HAWKS was aware of all of the above. HAWKS, working closely with HK and NOVAC strategists, devised a counter for the two concerning prongs. The SYNDE rolling threat had two counters. Within the SYNDE staging, there was a small fleet of yachts and a seeded, cloaked rolling carrier. In the SUGAR home, another rolling carrier sat ready to suicide roll if needed. Should SYNDE warp their fleet from the fort to a new wormhole, HAWKS was prepared to simultaneously warp both carrier and yachts to that same hole. They were confident they could stop the majority of the SYNDE fleet from making it through the wormhole.
The real threat was the Initiative, and that damned frig hole. HAWKS placed three sniping fleets around the wormhole and dropped a massive number of anchorable bubbles around it. On the hole itself were a mixture of smartbombing battleships and suicide dictors, each orbiting patiently. When the report came of the 300 Initiative bombers entering the shattered hole on the other side, the HAWKS team was ready and waiting.
The Initiative FC team, with a scout already in SUGAR staging, saw all of this. War-seasoned FCs, there was no scenario where they were jumping their bombers into that future charnal house. Unless SYNDE could pull those fleets away from the hole, it was an impossible standoff. The HAWKS battlecruiser fleet could not jump the hole. The Initiative bombers would not jump the hole. The Initiative bombers sat there and waited for SYNDE to roll in.
Meanwhile, in SUGAR staging, citadels came out of reinforce for hull timers and the allied dreads went to work. And everyone else waited. The SYNDE fleet waited on their fort while their FC rage rolled. The Initiative fleet waited in the shattered. The HAWKS alliance fleet waited on the other side of the shattered. One by one, the citadels began blowing up.
The SYNDE fleet stood down. The Initiative left the shattered wormhole and headed back to Fountain. SYNDE had gotten the full Nullsec batphone allied response, but been unable to take advantage of it.
Unconfirmable reports are that the HAWKS alliance looted nearly 200b from the various structures, including a large number of capital ships, on top of the 150b+ exploded. https://br.evetools.org/b661f2a2eddb48200112d82c5 (The three “friendly” caps that were destroyed were looted SUGAR caps that the allies decided to blow up rather than keep and exfiltrate from the hole.)
Some SUGAR members would still try to participate, but SUGAR was done as a fighting unit in the Wormhole War.
The next part will focus on what would become the most important battlefield in the either war – Waffle House, the SYNDE coalition staging C6.

FYI: stuff that I don’t discuss are the same as normal R6
Heimdall: And with the conclusion of the fifth round with the gods once again gaining the advantage with three points to humanity’s two. After seven million years, Humanity has taken one more step towards its end. Now get ready for the next round of Ragnarok, round 6!
The lights dim
Mutterings are heard about the darkness
Heimdall:The next fighter for the gods… Could there be any greater irony?Giving humanity its requiem… Long Ago… (A lotus buds into full bloom) He helped those foolish humans… with worldly desires.(A path of Lotuses bloom in preparation for the entrance.) and showed them the path through the darkness. Abandoning royalty, Abandoning family, Abandoning worldly desires, and Abandoning the six emotions. Trodding an untrodden path, he walked alone like the horn of the rhinoceros. And so, in six short years he attained enlightenment. He was born alone, lived alone and fought alone.Through all of heaven and earth only he is the honored one. Through all heaven and earth I alone am mighty!Only I am strong! Entering this world as a prince and exiting it as the enlightened one, out of respect humans call him… THE BUDDDHAAA!
The gods begin yelling: “Look at their faces! That’s true despair! It is his free time… C’mon show those puny humans what it means to be a god!”
Buddha walks towards humanity giving heimdall his gum and taking his Gjallar horn speaking into it:So uhhh, Imma fight for humanity. Thx
Cue that one reaction panel
The gods erupt in outrage: Are you saying you're not a god? You damn traitorous rat!
In response Buddha breaks the horn and an ear splitting roar emerges from it silencing the gods.
Buddha(Pulling out his staff): Shaddup! If the gods won’t save them, then I will! And if any god gets in my way, I’ll kill them!
It was truly astounding, shocking even the chief gods and the omnipotent Zeus. The only one who understood was Brunhilde herself.
Goll glances at Brunhilde as she sees her sister’s calm and stoic face, she realizes that her older sister planned this.She asks: Is this a part of your plan sister Hilde?
Brunhilde smiles, a wane smile and speaks: Unfortunately that man, his will is dictated by no one.
[Pre round 6]
Buddha walks up to Brunhilde, a smile on his face, a bucket of popcorn in his hands. He starts: Hey Brun, Zeus wanted me to go in the sixth round but, I don’t care, I’m gonna side with humanity.You seem sad…
Brunhilde remains stoic: Ok sir. I’m in mourning of the lost fighters.
Buddha: Were you always gonna make me rebel? I remember you came to me and asked about Volundr, you had to have been planning this huh?
Brunhilde leans down: If you must know, Nobody in the heavens hates the gods like you buddha.
Buddha grins, remarking: If you want to achieve your goal it is almost like there is no right or wrong.
[Present day]
Brunhilde to goll: He’s a horrible man, but incredibly strong. He is Humanity’s strongest Adolescent.
Heimdall angry at buddha: No NO NO, The roster is already decided. You can’t do that!
Buddha: Shaddup, I wanna do it how I wanna do it. You ain't stopping me.
Enter Zeus
Heimdall: According to the rules of —
Zeus: It just says each side has to send out a fighter not that one has to be a god or human. It’s so interesting my old bones might forgive me for smiting you Buddha.
Buddha grins: Bring it on gramps!
Zeus: But I’ve already decided on the fighter for Round six.
Odin: Let me ask you this, rat. You’re about to make an enemy of every single god, are you sure you want to do that?
Buddha: Clean your ears more old man, I don’t care. “Good people” or “bad people” (A shot of Jack sitting down with Hlokk watching the match) “gods” or “men”. To me, I’m just the Buddha.
The gods in the audience begin scolding buddha for his actions again
Buddha: If you stand in my way, I will kill you!
All of the gods go silent
Buddha: That was boring.
Zeus:I have already decided who will fight in the sixth round
???: Divine Punishment
???: Divine Punishment
???: Everyone wake up !!!!
???: Minori the boat.
???: The sound is sooooo good.
The boat touches the ground and the seven lucky gods exit.
Zeus claps Bishamantoen on the back and States: You will win.
The only response is: Yes sir
Heimdall:Only Bishamantoen needs to be present for the fight.
Bishamantoen: We are one, Let us return.
The rest of the seven lucky gods dash and fuse, making Zero. A demonic entity, seemingly childlike in form with a body to match. His hair the color of dirt and blood mixed, an evil grin spreads across his face as he stretches.Zero reaches into his back and pulls out the Misery cleaver, An ax made of rough sinew and muscle, tinges the color of pure darkness.
To most the name Zerofuku is a name that is unknown. But, to some that name was a savior. A god of fortune who healed all he could, gave humans everything. But how did the kind-hearted zero turn into the demonic form fighting Buddha today?
Zero, a young man with baggy clothes is walking along a trail, seeing a bird that has an obviously broken wing and a tiger waiting in the bush to eat its prey. Most gods wouldn’t have intervened, but to Zero this was important to provide happiness and joy to all that he could. Zero walked in calmly, Healed the bird using his own luck as a bright light encompassed the bird and it was able to fly away, to live another day.
Zero had a few chance encounters with humans, who sought him for his ability to heal and grant good luck. Zero had never visited humans, they came to him. They insisted on giving him valuable commodities and he denied it. Zero wasn’t going to be bought but rather help came from him whether you hated him with all of your soul or loved him with all of your heart.
Zero had entered a village and he cried for days, oceans of tears flooding from his eyes at the pain that humans suffered. He saw people dying, suffering and had no clue how to help these humans out of their misery but to take it. So, he did, going to everyone that he could find and taking all their misery.
When Zero returned to the small town he had first started healing, he was shocked. Everyone had only fallen further into sin. People ate when there was no good reason, People fought to gain money, People slept around because they could, People grew envious of others, People hoarded wealth to a degree that dragons would be considered small fries.
To many this was heaven on earth, they had all they could ever want and yet still wanted more. They no longer recognized his dirty, small form. This drove Zero over the edge, his good karma being poisoned by hate.
Someone helped the crying,bedraggled Zero up, a man, a bun tied over his head, a pair of glasses roundly sitting on his nose. A simple cloth covering him, the Buddha.
Buddha: Hey you look pretty rough. Want some beans?
Zero sees the people, raggedy even more so than him yet smiling from ear to ear
Zero: Who are you? Why are they so happy?
Buddha: I’m Buddha, and there is no one reason. They know what they want and they take it.
Zero begins to cry
Buddha: Hey there, why so blue?
Zero: I tried to take their misery into me so they could improve…. But all they did was take my gift and sin more
Buddha: Yeah, nice thought, not as good as a plan. You’re on the right track and are so dang close man. There is no straight cure to death, ya see, it’s all a circle… no end or beginning just you. So love what you have instead of envying what you want. Misery makes people move, it motivates them to do what otherwise would be a horrid life. Zero: But I can’t do it… I’ve tried for years and years. I’m worse than when I started…
Buddha: If you need me I’ll be there alright man.
Zero: Are you a god?
Buddha: hahahahaha NO! Just a man who loves himself.
Zero:But, the gods should be able to help you and nurture you! Why are you better at this than me?
Buddha: I’ve lived it Zero, not just been near it. I know firsthand how hard it is to bear. You have no clue what it is to suffer and come out a new man
At this Buddha walks away, his troupe behind him. Zerofuku returns to his degraded home and falls asleep. The next day he wakes with devilish horns and fleeting good karma. Overnight, joy turned to rage. He began to change his hair to the color of the misery he absorbed.
Little did zero know someone else was watching him.. The priest of gluttony, the demonic god, Beelzebub had implanted a massive amount of condensed misery, and at the core, the essence of the demon Hajun, into the sleeping form of Zero.
Beel: I hope this grows enough to kill me… Forgive me friends… I have sinned for far too long… I yearn to experience what you do… Please grant me mercy…
[Present day]
Zero: I’m gonna disembowel you? No, it doesn’t have that Jenesaisquoi that I’m looking for… Kill you? Nah… I’m gonna eradicate you!

And the game hits you differently. I finished Witcher 3 my first time in the pandemic. Only Blood and Wine and didn’t go through the end.
Long time passed and I had The Witcher 2, but never played. I watched some videos about the first one to understand the background and started my gameplay. What a f* game.
Finished the 2 and started the 3 after understanding the plots of war, the Nilfgaard invasion, it’s different.
Spoilers of the 2 ahead*
I followed the Vernon path. Let Letho live, gave Annais to Natalis and let Henselt died.
Understanding why the mages are being hunted, all the gwent cards, brings another perspective.
I will talk to the emperor now in Vizima and the contracts that you can complete in this part, I didn’t collect any coins. Seeing villages destroyed kept my Witcher codes aside.
Also, I remember vaguely about a plot against Radovid in the 3. Will look with other eyes when the time comes.
I don’t remember mentions of Natalis and Annais in the 3 when I finished. Hope that are some references.
Got upset with Saskia dying and Iorveth not appearing again, even with Vernon choice, thought he could have more screen time.
Vernon ripping balls and making the mage eat it, it’s one of the cold things I’ve ever seen.
And honestly, if not for being the main caracter, I think Letho would beat hard in Geralt.
Hope next games we can explore more regions. Kovir, Povis, other lands. I love to see a little bit more about the world and even Witcher 3 being open world we can only adventure in a “small” portion of the map.

I’m tired of people pretending that depression is something that exists in a vacuum. Yes, depression is a mental illness but it’s a mental illness caused in large part by societal factors. Everyone I know is either depressed or has sort of mental problem. It’s not a problem with people, it’s a problem with society as a whole. Humans are social beings. We are made for communities that care about us, not to scrape by in a predatory system that is indifferent to our suffering, or often even benefits from it. The modern world is so isolating and I honestly don’t even know what I’m working toward/for. I have no prospect of ever having a family and even if do, I don’t have much faith in the world they would have to survive in. Things have gotten even worse in the last few years, it’s like the entire culture is schizophrenic. Everyone is just pretending to be someone they are not. I can’t blame them though because it’s what are taught from birth and you need to essentially to fake till you make it. All the morality and religious/philosophical systems that exist are impotent and often just end up being used to justify the existing status quo (take stoicism for example). Anyways I just resent how my perfectly normal human reaction to an inhuman world is labeled as “depression .”

I don't even know where to get started. I'm mainly writing to get everything off my chest in a community of folks who may or may not have had similar experiences in the past or present. I'd also like to add that creepy, unexplainable things have always happened around me since I was a little kid. So, here it goes:
I moved into my apartment in September 2023. I've always felt comfortable and calm in my home. Besides my usual nightmares (always had them, generally not too scary), everything was copacetic. Either at the very end of December or January 2024, things started getting weird.
It's important to note I live alone in a 1 bedroom apartment. The first time something happened, I was sound asleep and was awoken to 3 knocks on my bedroom door at 3 am. I usually slept with the bedroom door open and just started closing it at night. It was loud and deliberate. I just told myself I'd imagined it and while I was very scared, I drifted back off to sleep. The next day I was on the phone with my sister and told her what happened. Out of curiosity I knocked on my bedroom door and it was the exact same sound.
Over the next few months I heard 3 knocks at my bedroom door, bathroom, or front door around 3 am, 1 am, or 11 pm. I even had a friend visit in March and he was awoken to 3 knocks at the front door at 1 am. Around this time is the first time I heard my daughter's 7-8 year old voice say "Mom?" next to my bed then again a couple weeks later behind me at the head of the bed. My daughter is 12 and lives full time with her dad, so I knew and told myself "that isn't my daughter". I also expierenced what sounded like claw scratches across my stand up heater across each metal section (looks like a radiator) when I was fully awake laying down in bed. Another time I was in bed and for a couple seconds smelt sulfur next to my bed and got up and left my bedroom. After this I took my first actions.
I have a favorite tarot readepsychic I found on (a popular social media app I can't type because it isn't allowed) last year when he was first starting out doing free readings. I was on his live the night after hearing my daughter and asked him and the 13 other people in the live for advice. Him and a few people suggested burning sage (I cannot because it would set off the smoke alarms in the building). Next suggested using sage incense, making loud claps all over the apartment, in the nooks and crannies, to break up energy and get it moving throughout the apartment. Lastly, to open a window and ask whatevewhoever is they to please leave through that designated window. I couldn't find sage incense at Walmart so I got a plug in wax warmer and picked up palo santo/sage wax melts. I went home and did the ritual and I didn't have disturbances for 3 weeks.
During this time, I started leaving the bathroom light on with the door cracked, the bedroom door cracked, and the kitchen light on in the kitchen every night and slept with my winter hat with the top open for my hair as a face mask. Cut to Sunday night, I was woken up to the sound of wooden "pop!" hit the floor, like a staff or the wooden end of a broomstick next to my bed. I thought it was time to get up to go over to get my daughter up for school, but noticed it was completely dark outside. I had my hat over my eyes and told myself to stay calm and rolled over to pretend like I went back to sleep. A few minutes pass and I hear it again and this time feel the vibration on the floor (I sleep on an air mattress on the floor). I ignore it, then it happens 2 times in a row, I keep ignoring it, then it happens another 2 or 3 times in a row. I jump up and say "fuck this shit!" and dash to my living room, grab my purse, shoes, and leave my phone. When I got to the bottom floor I noticed it was 12:15 am. I slept over at my ex-fiances on the couch because I was so scared.
I go back to my apartment Monday night and start hearing a loud wooden "pop!" noise like when a house settles, but live in a concrete building and never heard it before. I was on the phone with a friend until midnight and kept hearing the loud crack/pop noise in the bedroom, kitchen, bathroom every 5-10 minutes for around 2 hours. I fell asleep on my papazon chair (ouch) because I was nervous about sleeping in my bedroom again and was woken to another pop at 2 am. I decided to just bite the bullet and fell asleep on my bed, but woke up every half hour or so, but no disturbances that I noticed. I left my apartment at 5:50 to get my daughter up.
I get back home at about 7am and decide I needed to take a nap from not getting a lot of sleep the last couple days and doze off at about 8 am. I was awoken at about 9 am to what sounded like a loud flick against the air mattress and I felt it, said "nope" and went to lay down (in a ball) on the papzon chair. I was woken up to the loud flick of the air mattress twice, then was awake and heard it again (like flick and air mattress moved). I decided I was leaving, packed up, wen to the bathroom and heard the same sound of the air mattress moving, got in my car and drove to my Dad's a hour in a half away, in part to see him, but mostly to get away from my apartment.
I'm still here now. I've told this all to my friend, sister, and Dad every step of the way and yesterday my therapist and peer support in detail. I'm nervous about being back at my apartment. I have so much fear in my heart and am just scared. I checked with my apartment manager today and no one has died in my apartment in the past. I called a local Catholic Church and left a voicemail with a preist to call me for guidance and hopefully meet up and discuss coming to my apartment with me. I have always been non-religous, but am open to anything at this point.
It's worth noting that I was having horrible, disgusting, wicked thoughts that were so bad I cannot tell anyone what they are because I don't want to be arrested when the disturbances started escalating.
Has anyone had similar experiences? How did you get them to stop? Do you now feel safe and secure in your home? Are you still living with (whatever) today?
Edit: I will not be checking this post while I'm at my apartment so fear of stirring up whatever is there. So my responses might be far between.

Wondering if anyone else here felt similarly neutral, since most Redditors seem to either really love or really hate it?
Disclaimer: I won't pretend I'm an experienced reviewer in any way, but I didn't want to add "imo" or "I think" or "to me" every other sentence. I don't follow Broadway super closely and wasn't aware of anyone with ties to the show, incl performers.
Unfortunately one of the weakest aspects was the book, which seems like it'd be hard to fix at this point. The story idea could have lead to something great but I didn't like the flow between some scenes and some of the dialogue seemed strange or forced. I really wish we had gotten to know Rafaela more in terms of her background and why she thought the way she thought, why she did the things she did. I know some people didn't like the score but I personally thought it was exciting and there were some parts of certain songs were memorable to me. The lyrics, on the other hand, didn't particularly impress me.
I was quite moved by Eden Espinosa (Lempicka)'s acting, and her acting was one of the best parts of the show for me. The relationship between Eden and Andrew felt real and I really felt the chemistry between Eden and Amber as well. Unfortunately some of Eden's notes were noticeably flat and I found myself worrying if she'd be able to hit some of the high belted notes. Amber Iman (Rafaela)'s voice sounded so effortless, luxurious, and rich, and Andrew Samonsky (Tadeusz)'s singing was a smooth delight as well so the inconsistency of Eden's singing stood out. I did like Eden's vocal quality for the most part besides the pitch issue so I'm still holding out high hopes for a quality soundtrack.
George Abud (Marinetti) is clearly very talented and did well with what he had but Marinetti's impression was really hurt by the abrupt-seeming character arc. I was happy to hear Natalie Joy Johnson (Suzy)'s strong voice and her solo was great, even if some of her character's lines seemed excessive. Beth Leavel (the Baroness)'s acting felt so real and moving and I just wish she had had more time on stage and was able to sing more, especially earlier in the show. My only real complaint regarding casting is the daughter, who really slapped me awake from the authentic and immersive experience the rest of the cast was creating.
Some of the choreo was great, but some of it seemed random / odd and at times the arm and leg movements didn't seem to connect with each other well-- am I just missing some overarching reference to machines? It also would have been nice to see the main characters dance but maybe the actors aren't strong dancers or the choreographer felt like that would be a weird choice. Some of the choreography the ensemble was given was too distracting though compared to what the named characters were doing, although it was great to see an ensemble with such stage presence and clean movements.
Most of the costumes for the named characters were impressive but I didn't love the ensemble's costumes in certain scenes. I thought hair and makeup were both great. One small thing is that the Baron's glasses kept reflecting bright light into my eyes during one scene toward the end for some reason, was that just me or did other people have that issue too? I don't know any real details behind lighting techniques but I really enjoyed the colors of the lighting, and I loved how the animated light details that were part of the set (railings?) seemed to add magic to the bedroom scene. Some of the sets were forgettable or seemed out-of-place with regard to what was going on in the show but there were some really interesting ones as well. I also ended up liking their choice to have so many painting-less paintings even though it seemed weird at first watching people interact with empty frames.
TLDR; the show had a lot of strengths but also a lot of weaknesses so I have a slightly positive overall view of the show. I really wish they were given more time to run, as I would have loved to see it again in the future in hopes that it would have improved. I'm also sad they had SUCH a short run, since it's a new original musical and I'd take more of those over the surplus of the money-making musicals that are based on songs from other artists. But I guess that's just showbiz!