Blood cancer is also known as hematologic cancer. Most of the cancer starts in the bone marrow which is the centre of our bones. In the bone marrow stem cells develop three types of blood cells: red blood cells, white blood cells, or platelets. When abnormal cells grow out of control then blood cancer is made. It affects the production and function of blood cells. Normal blood cells fight against infection and carry oxygen through our body. It produces new blood cells and controls bleeding. Main three types of blood cancers there are:
Leukemia is the most common cancer in teenagers & children. It is caused by the fast production of abnormal white blood cells.
Lymphoma affects our lymphatic system which removes excess fluids and produces immune cells in our body.
Myeloma starts in the bone marrow and affects our plasma cells. It is white blood cells that make disease and infection-fighting antibodies in our body.
Blood Cancer Treatment in India
India has major advances in blood cancer treatment. There are quality treatment methods. There are many top-quality hospitals and hematologist surgeons for treating blood cancer. There are different types of treatments required for the patient's overall health. It may include chemotherapy, immunotherapy, stem cell/bone marrow transplantation, and radiotherapy as per the treatment plan.
Blood cancer differs by type and stage but generally, some symptoms include anemia, unexplained weight loss, bone and joint pain, swelling, persistent fever, lumps or swellings, frequent infections, etc.
Blood Cancer Treatment Cost in India
Blood cancer treatment in India could based on different factors, such as type of cancer and treatment plan, hospitalization, tests and diagnostic tools, speed of recovery, etc. The average cost of blood cancer treatment is 2,396 USD.
Best Blood Cancer Treatment Hospitals in India
Blood cancer is common nowadays. India has a lot of the best hospitals for blood cancer treatment. They give the latest protocols by world-class facilities. Some of the hospital's names are given below:
Global Hospital (Chennai)
Manipal Hospital (Delhi)
Jaslok Hospital (Mumbai)
Artemis Hospital (Gurgaon)
Max Hospital Saket (Delhi)
Medanta –The Medicity (Gurgaon)
Top Blood Cancer Treatment Doctor in India
The best blood cancer treatment doctors in India are well known for its good skills and years of expertise in this specialized field. These top doctors give the best blood cancer treatment to patients with hematologic diseases.
Dr. Rakesh Chopra (Director& Head of Medical Oncology)
Dr. Ashok Vaid.(PediatricHematologist & Oncologist)
Dr. Gaurav Kharya (Pediatric Hematologic-Oncologist)
Dr. Dharma Choudhary (Pediatric Hematologist & Medical Oncologist)
Dr. AmitaMahaja (Oncologist & Hematologist)
Dr. P Anoop (Assistant Proffesor & Hemato-Oncologist)
Dr. Rahul Bhargava. Specialty: Pediatric Oncology & BMT Specialist.
Al AfiyaMedi Tour is a leading medical tourism company in India. We offer medical tourism services such as finding the right doctor, the right hospital, and cost estimation for medical treatment in India for foreign patients. Some of the main countries are Bangladesh, South Africa, Egypt, Uganda, Zambia, Sudan, Dubai, Namibia, Iraq, Kenya, Saudi Arabia, Ethiopia, Nigeria, and so on. We provide free medical assistance for TURP surgery cost, lung cancer treatment, breast cancer treatment cost, stomach cancer treatment, arthroscopic surgery, bone marrow transplant cost, best liver transplant hospital, brain tumor surgery, cosmetic andplastic surgery, heart surgery, spine tumor surgery, cancer treatment cost, lung transplant, etc. If you are searching for free medical and healthcare consulting to find the best hospitals and top doctors and surgeons in India for any treatment then contact us- Alafiyameditour.com.
Source: https://alafiyameditour1.blogspot.com/2024/05/blood-cancer-treatment-in-india-for.html

Tarot Reader since 2017 who has fully mastered in depth readings to bring true insight to the energies and circumstances you are dealing with, with the use of Oracle and Astrology as well. Shaneka's Services And Contact Linktree
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TW: Alcoholism, drug addiction, violence, suicidal ideation, sex abuse
This is going to be a LLLLLOOONNNNGGGGG one. This story goes back quite a way, but yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the ending to this story and I'm feeling it, still got some guilt about everything that happened, wondering what I could have done differently and I just want to vent it out and hope to get some closure from it.
This story started in 2010.
Characters in this story (names are fake, duh!):

• Me, Guy, 32M at the time, 45 now.
• My BFF Stephanie, 33F at the time.
• Stephen, 40M at the time, Stephanie's boyfriend.
• Maryse, 27F at the time.

Background and intro
I had known Stephanie for many years and we had the kind of friendship that made her BFs and my GFs uncomfortable to put it lightly. We had never crossed that boundary and I wouldn't consider us in the friendzone, we were just friend, but the kind of friend where she would sit on my lap with her arms around my neck or her head on my shoulder.
At the start of 2010, Stephanie met her then boyfriend, Stephen. He tolerated me and my friendship with Stephanie because I also had a gf back then. She liked Stephanie, wasn't at all jealous of my friendship with her, so he didn't deem me too suspicious. Then my gf and I broke up for reasons unimportant and all hell broke loose for Stephen. He became convinced that I would try and steal Stephanie from him. He insisted that Stephanie introduce me to her female friends or female friends of his. Thus began what I called the year of the 50 blind dates. It was probably closer to 20, but still I like saying the year of 50 blind dates. Most of them were unremarkable and never went beyond the first date. There are some fun stories in there if anyone wants to hear them eventually!
In July of that year, I had to switch gears because I had to focus up and study for a professional exam for a certification important to my career. This exam required close to 600-800 hours of study over a 3-4 month period. So I hunkered down, told Stephanie to stop the blind dates for now because I had to focus on that. She respected my wishes and, other a text here or there, we went low contact for the last two months before the exam.
Except for one fateful night in September. Her birthday was in September and she always threw these big bashes at her house. She would throw a big pool party that started around noon and would go on to the wee hours of the morning. I knew she would harass me to go to her party, so I made some quick math and figured I would lose more energy and time trying to dodge her calls, texts and most likely visits at my place than by just going to the party itself. So when she called me to ask, I just said: "Okay I'll go to your damn party, now git." I texted her I would get there in the evening probably around 8. She texted back "Great, can't wait. Now study, bitch!"
So I ultimately get there around 8PM. Basically everybody is already drunk off their gourd. Stephanie sees me, squeals in excitement and runs to me in her bikini and just jumps in the air and slams into me, wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist and gives me a big hug. I hug her back and just keep walking back to the pool where she had started, carrying her with me. I just duck my head around hers and say hi to Stephen, who just glares at me.
She drops back down and I give her her gift. We chat for a few seconds and says "There's beer in the fridge and food in the dining room." I told her I'd be right back.
I go inside and grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the dining room and the table is against the wall with a buffet of sandwiches, tomato pizza, salads, etc. I grab a plate and start putting food on it. I was focused on the task because I was starving. I barely noticed, sitting at the end of the table one of the most stunning woman I have ever seen. I just see her in my peripheral vision and I do a quick double take, quick glance at her and back to the food. I do that a second time. And finally a third time. At that point she is just straight up staring at me and I can't help but chuckle and whisper under my breath "Subtle Guy, sub-tle".
Thankfully she starts laughing too, saving me some embarassment. I look at her and greet her. She says "Hi, I'm Maryse and I'm guessing you're Guy?" I just nod and we start talking. At that point, I just thought I have no shot with her, she's so far out of my league that I'm just gonna talk to her until she sees one of the "models" hanging out by the pool and ditches me for him.
So I'm not feeling like I'm playing for anything, so I'm just myself and not nervous, just talking to her as I would any friend. We chat and she laughs at all my jokes, she gets all my cultural references. She never gets up or ditches me. The plate of food I had made and the beer I had gotten are sitting on the table next to me untouched, I was too busy with the convo to think about food or beer anymore.
After what felt like only 20-30 minutes, Stephanie comes in and tells me, fake grumpy: "So that's where you disappeared to. I invite my best friend to a party and he spends the whole night talking to someone else." I laugh and go: "What do you mean the whole night? I haven't been here that long." She says "Dude, it's 2AM. You've been here for 6 hours..." My jaw dropped and I just said: "Wow, time flies when you're having fun." Maryse chimes in, with a big smile: "It sure does!" That made me happy as you can imagine.
Now I was a little stuck because where Stephanie lived, there's no night service for the bus and the subway had been closed for an hour or so. I figured I would cab it. So I turn to Maryse and tell her: "It was absolutely lovely to meet you and I enjoyed our conversation very much." She says that she did too. I continued with "At the moment, my schedule is incredibly hectic. I'm basically working full-time, studying full-time and sleeping part-time. So I don't have a lot of free time, but if she was interested, whatever little free time I had, I would love to call her or text her to keep on getting to know her."
I see Stephanie in the backgroudnd, looking like a proud mama at how smooth that came out, knowing I was always anything but smooth with women, as proven by the string of blind dates! Maryse has a big smile and we exchange numbers. I go to Stephanie to wish her a happy birthday again. While I'm talking to her, my phone buzzes with a text from Maryse: "Just checking!"
I asked Stephanie "What's the best cab company to call in this area?" Maryse chimes in: "Where do you live?" I tell her where I lived and she goes "It's on the way to where I live, I can give you a ride if you want." Stephanie raised an eyebrow in surprise. I learned later, she did it because it absolutely was not on the way to her place, like, at all. I say that I would love that as it would give us a chance to keep talking.
We get in her car, driving to my place. We talk, she asks me what I'm studying as I hadn't mentioned it earlier. I tell her all about the boring maths I had to study. Much too quickly, we get to my place. She parks in front of my building and we keep talking. At some point, I tell her: "Normally, this is where I would try to "trick" you into coming up to my place..." She interrupts me: "You wouldn't need to trick me. I'm willing and able!"
I tell her that "As tempting as that sounds, I know who I am and I know that if you come up and things proceed to where they're going, I'm not going to be able to study for the rest of the month. I have a kind of obsessive mind and when I find someone or something I like, I can push everything else to the side in favor of that. So to make sure I can still focus on my studying, I have to go up by myself."
She looks at me, a little disappointed but then says, half-jokingly: "We don't have to go up, there's a backseat right there!" We laugh and I give her a kiss and wish her a good night. I managed to stay strong and go back to my condo. Damn it, why did I have to stay strong!!!
My exam was at the beginning of november. During the month of october, we texted a bunch of times and talked on the phone. We went for coffee a couple of times and dinner once. She respected my boundaries and never pushed for more, which I appreciated but also hated at the same time, if that makes sense. The exam came and it was a monster of a Friday. I slept for basically 18 hours after the exam as the adrenalin dropped and my system crashed.
I texted her when I woke up at around 1PM. She was working at the clothing store Stephanie owned. She said "I'm off at 5PM, wanna meet me." I said: "Duh! Why do you think I'm texting? ;)" So I met her at the store downtown. I asked if she wanted to grab a drink, go for dinner, or what. She proposed going to her place and getting some take out. Stephanie who was closing the store at that moment, came up to us and said: "Hey, so what are we doing?" I said: "WE, that is Maryse and I, are going to her place and getting some takeout. Bye!" I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that no food was ever ordered that night!
Thus followed a whirlwind month of November where any free time we had was spent together, and I wasn't going to complain!
The troubles
By the start of december, things were still going great with us. One saturday night, we were having dinner at a restaurant and I mention that this coming Friday is my office Christmas party, that it's employees only, so we wouln't see each other that night. She tells me: "Oh sure, that's fine! It'll give me a chance to go see some girlfriends I've been neglecting lately." I said "Great! BTW I also got us a reservation at [this great restaurant she had mentioned a few times] for next Saturday, so we could go there and I'll tell you all about my party and you can tell me all about her night with the girls!"
That was settled, I thought. I was wrong. On Thursday, we had spent the evening together at her place and I was about to leave to go back to my place. She tells me: "So are you coming to meet me at the store tomorrow or do I go to your place?" I reminded her: "Neither, tomorrow is my office Christmas party and we won't see each other tomorrow." She said: "Oh right, I forgot." I asked her if she had made plans with her friends like she had mentioned last saturday. She said that they were all busy tomorrow and weren't available.
She suggested "If your party is boring, maybe you could come meet me." I retorted that it wasn't going to be, knowing who was going to be there.
"Yeah but what if?"
"But it won't"
"But what IFFFFFF?" she kept insisting and I kept saying no. After what felt like 30 minutes of that (probably only 2-3 minutes in reality), I had enough and just said to end the argument: "Okay, if it's boring, I'll come. but it won't be." She said: "Cool" with a big smile on her face. I came to learn that that smile meant "Challenge accepted".
The following night, my colleague and I were pregaming in a conference room before leaving for the party proper and my phone buzzes. Maryse was wishing me a good party. I replied. She texted me again. I replied. She texted again, but I was in a conversation with a colleague so I didn't reply or even look at the phone. My phone buzzes again. Still talking, and didn't want to be rude to my colleague. Another buzz. I just kept talking. Phone buzzes differently, she was now calling because I hadn't answered her texts.
"Why aren't you replying to my texts?"
"Hey, sorry, was talking to my colleague Patrick."
"What? you don't want to talk to me?"
"I am talking to you now."
"Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
"Because it would have been rude to my colleague to pull my phone out while talking to him."
"But you're talking to me now."
"Because I thought something was wrong, maybe it was an emergency."
"I wanted to talk to you, that's all."
"Well, gotta go back to the party. Talk to you later."
She kept texting and if I didn't reply right away, she would call after two or three missed texts. After about 2 hours of this, I stopped answering the texts. When she called back, I asked her: "Aren't you supposed to be working?" which started another round of guilt-tripping of "why are you asking me this? you don't want to talk to me?" At that point I had had enough and wanted to enjoy my party. I remembered that the Blackberry (no shaming old tech!) I had had an annoying feature, but I was hoping to put it to good use at that moment.
Whenever the battery would get really low, like less than 1%, it would let out an ear-piercing BEEP for about 3 seconds, reminiding you to charge it and giving you a heart attack all at the same time. It would do that even when you were in silent mode. It had happened a few days earlier when I was with Maryse. I figured, if I press a button on the Blackberry, it would make a beep too that could be heard through the phone. So while I was talking to Maryse, I pressed my thumb on the space bar for a good 3 seconds and sputtered; "what... the .... what?" trying to put on a somewhat believable performance.
She asked what that noise was and I tell her that it was my blackberry letting me know I was low battery and it might shut off any second. I told her "Listen I'm gonna wish you a good night, I'm having a good time at my party so I'll see you tomorrow at 5PM to go spend our evening together. I hope you have a good....." and hung up mid-sentence. I promptly shut my phone off and went back to the party. I concede that I may be a bit of an AH for that move.
The party was great, I got drunk much quicker than I expected owing to the fact that I hadn't had a drink in over two months because Maryse didn't drink so I didn't either when we were together, and we were always together. At 1AM, I went home and passed out on my bed.
This is another place where I may have been an AH. I didn't turn my cell phone back on and I unplugged my home line too, because I wanted to sleep the deep sleep of the drunkard. I woke up at around 1:30 PM, not knowing it was already too late. In my mind, I was meeting Maryse at 5PM to go out on the town that night. Maryse had other ideas as you'll see.
So like I said, I woke up at 1:30PM and was sticky with alcohol sweat, so I went straight for the shower to get clean again. While in the shower, my stomach grumbled with hunger and I started daydreaming of bacon and eggs. That pushed me out of the shower right quick. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around my waist and went to the fridge. No bacon.... booo. Looked at the egg compartment... no eggs... booo again. Okay then, how about a cream cheese bagel. No cream cheese, damn it. Look in the pantry, no bagels.... god. I was starting to get angry. Okay, cereals then. I pick up the cereal box, that mofo was empty and I get mad: "who's the idiot who puts the empty box back in the pantry?" I remembered I live alone.
I close the fridge dejected and see the grocery list stuck on the fridge, taunting me with everything I wanted to eat for breakfast written on it. But I felt like if I went to the grocery store hungry as I Was, I'm just gonna pay 600$ and not get one single healthy thing to eat. I then remembered there's a restaurant next to the grocery store that serves breakfast until 3PM. I get excited! I get dressed quickly, grab my wallet and keys, put my boots on, my coat on, wrap my scarf, my tuque and my gloves and go to the restaurant. If you notice, I didn't mention my phone in there.
I get to the restaurant and confirm that they still have breakfast and get even more excited when she confirms it. I order the "heart attack", at least that's how I nicknamed it: 3 eggs, 3 servings of bacon, 2 sausages, and, I guess to give one peace of mind, fruit (or to be precise, one single solitary slice of orange). Now that the food is ordered and coming I figured I would check if I have any messages. I pat the pocket where my phone always is. No phone. uh-oh. I start clutching evert pocket, no luck.
I wonder if I should go back home after the meal before going to the grocery store and decide against it, it would be too long a detour. So I scarf my breakfast down, rush through the grocery store. I get home and set my bags down in front of the fridge. I go pick up my blackberry. I turn it back on. The little tape icon tells me there are messages on my voicemail, at that time there were no red dots with a number in it to tell you how many.
I connect to the voicemail while starting to put the groceries away. The little automated voice tells me "You have 25 new messages." I pull the phone away from my ear, look at it in disbelief as if saying: "are you f'ing kidding me?" So I press 1 to start playing the messages.
Remember: Maryse knew I was at a party with a dead phone, no chargers and I probably wouldn't get home until 1AM. From 6:30PM, when my phone died, to 11:34 PM, when she went to sleep she left me 9 messages. BTW I know she went to sleep at 11:34PM because she left me a message saying "it's 11:34PM and I'm going to bed. Thinking of you." The 9 messages were in the same vein. These are the salient details, but the messages were all much longer.
She woke up at 7:15 the following day, I'll let you guess how I know that tidbit of information! She left me 5 more messages like those from the day before: 7:15 woke up. 7:35 going to take a shower. 7:55 out of the shower. 8:25 getting ready to leave for work 8:50 walking out of the subway to go to the store.
She leaves me another message at 9 that was different. She sounded very excited as if she had had the best idea in the world: "Hey it's 9AM, I'm about to start my shift. I know we're only supposed to meet after my shift, but what if you came and met me for lunch so you could tell me all about your party." I just did my best Scooby-Doo "Ruh-Roh" and chuckled that I blew that, not thinking the calamity that was awaiting me.
Another couple of messages to talk logistics: "I could take my lunch at 12 or 12:30, let me know which you prefer." "I'm taking my lunch at 12:30"
A slightly worried message: "It's 11:15 and you stil have not said if you were coming or not, are you okay?"
The first bomb goes off and I knew I was in trouble then: "Where are you? We're supposed to meet for lunch and you still haven't given me any sign of life, you're not answering your home phone either, what happened?" Reminder: we were not supposed to meet for lunch, she suggested doing so a couple of hours earlier and I never agreed to anything. I guess she told her colleagues I would meet her for lunch and it was now fact and could perhaps make her look bad in front of her colleagues.
The second bomb drops: "It's almost noon now, WHERE ARE YOU? Stephanie says you're probably sleeping off your drunk, but I don't believe her. I'm sure you got yourself a slut and cheated on me. Didn't you? didn't you, you asshole." Stephanie knows me very well, but that wasn't enough for Maryse it seems.
Ensued four more messages from 12:30 to 1:15, where she starts sounding more and more drunk and accusatory, spewing more attacks like in the message above. At that point I already knew it was over, there was no coming back from that. I can understand having trust issues, but that was nuclear. I don't tolerate jealousy because of horrible experiences with a couple of jealous toxic exes.
A final message comes in, and it's a different voice, that of my best friend being more than a little angry: "Hey Guy, listen, Maryse tells me you had a Christmas party yesterday, so I'm guessing you're sleeping off your drunk, still. But call me when you get this. I put Maryse, who's f'ing drunk, in the backstore so she can dry off and "do inventory". She can't be on the sales floor obviously and I just don't feel safe sending her home in the state she's in. Call me to tell me how you want to handle this."
At that point I had finished putting away my groceries and had put my boots and my coat on and was making my way to the subway to go to the store. I call Stephanie and tell her I got the messages and I was coming. She was right, I was sleeping off my drunk and had just woke up (didn't feel the need to mention the breakfast and grocery store). I ask her if she knows what I'm gonna do when I get there. She says that she knows and understands. She knows my bad history.
When I get out of the subway, I call her again before getting to the store. I ask her how she wants me to do this. It's her store and I don't want to create drama in front of her customers. Does she want me to wait outside and she tells Maryse to meet me in the street or do I go in the store and she takes me to the backstore and I do it there? She says to come to the store.
I walk in the store and every saleswomen on the floor looks at me and gives me the biggest case of the stink-eye. They only have Maryse's side of the story, so they think I did all these horrible things. I see Stephanie in the middle of the store and I walk towards her. She shakes her head and points me towards the cash register. I look over there and see Julia, a salesperson that I've known for a couple of years and really like, who also happens to be the biggest gossip in the store. I understand what Stephanie is trying to do. She's gonna make me tell her my story in front of Julia so Julia can spread the "good news" to the other employees and rehabilitate my name possibly.
So I get to the register and say Hi to Julia. She barely acknoledges me. Steph joins me. She asks me:
"How are you?"
"I was better an hour ago, before I listened to those voicemails. I had gone to our office party last night, had a great night, got drunk off my ass, got home at around 2 and woke up around 2."
Julia asks "Maryse told us you were supposed to meet her for lunch."
"No we weren't. I have a reservation for tonight at XYZ restaurant. I was supposed to take the day to do errands, stuff around the condo and meet her here at closing time. She suggested that it could be fun if I came at lunchtime to meet her, but that was never the plan."
Julia asks again "But why didn't you answer your phone?"
"It ran out of battery last night during the party and when I got home, I was so drunk that I forgot to plug it back in. I only plugged it when I woke up at 2. That's when the messages came in."
Julia asks "She says she tried calling your home line and you didn't answer and your machine didn't kick in."
"Yeah, that one's my fault, I knew I wanted to sleep and telemarketers have a habit of calling me early saturday mornings so I didn't want to be awoken by a call for a rug cleaning service, so I unplugged it yesterday morning, knowing I would be drunk when I got home and forget and be angry if I was awakened by a telemarketer."
Julia gave me a hint of a smile, showing me she was starting to believe me. She asked me a few more questions and then she asked what I was gonna do. I told her that whatever I'll do, I would tell Maryse first.
I looked at Stephanie and said: "Can you open the back store so I can go see her?" So we went to the backstore. As we reached the door, it swung opened and out popped Maryse, looking absolutely terrifying, I actually jumped back when I saw her. Her usual perfect makeup was completely smeared, her mascara streaking down her cheeks from the crying. Her hair was disheveled. She was a mess. Apparently, she had had enough of waiting back there and was planning on leaving the store to go home and had put her coat and boots on.
When she saw me, she went into an unhinged rant about me being an asshole for cheating on her, me not being great in bed, me not treating her right, etc. I let her vent everything she had to say, I looked at Stephanie and apologized for creating such a scene in her store. I tell Maryse we should go outside and talk in private. She keeps on yelling, but when I grab her hand to lead her outside, she follows.
When we get outside, her anger had started to wane a little, or maybe just her energy. I was able to talk to her to explain everything, how I had gotten drunk, had overslept (alone) and woke up at 2PM. I reminded her that we were only supposed to meet at 5PM not for lunch. The anger was leaving her and a smile almost appeared on her face. Through all of this I was being very calm and patient with her, which she interpreted as me not being mad at her. I then said in a firmer tone: "However..." and let it hang for a second.
The beginning smile vanished. I continued: "When you accused me of cheating on you, that broke me. That triggered memories of toxic exes who would always accuse me of cheating, not trusting me when I would tell them where I was, snooping on me, stalking me. Because of those experiences, I have a zero tolerance policy for jealousy. I told her that if she was behaving like after only two months of dating, it didn't bode well for the future and I have to protect myself."
At that, the tears started again and she just turned and ran/waddled away. I told her to wait, but she didn't hear me. I turned towards the entrance of the store to see basically all the employees and customers milling around the door trying to catch the drama. I went back inside to talk to my best friend. The mood had definitely changed and no one was giving me the stink eye anymore, but I didn't really care. I was just sad that it had ended, but proud of myself for having stood up for myself.
So AITA for getting drunk and keeping my phone turned off?
There is a lot more to this story and if you want to learn what happened afterwards, then read on.
The immediate aftermath
So I went back inside the store and talked to Stephanie. I told her that I had a reserrvation for XX restaurant and if she wanted to go with Stephen, she could take it, I wasn't in the mood for a dinner. She said "I already have plans for tonight, but thanks for offering." Julia said she would go with me if I wanted, but I just said that I wasn't in the mood to go out. I just wanted to crash and eat a pizza and get into a food coma.
Stephanie said she didn't feel comfortable leaving me by myself and I should join them at her house. They were having friends over to play board games and it could at least distract me a little. I said why not. So brimming with enthusiasm, I went to play bored games. I left early as I wasn't in the mood. I was feeling a little better, but still a bit down. I thanked Stephanie for the invite and left. I got home and just passed out on the bed.
I woke up at around 7AM the next morning and I saw along the corners of the window the tell-tale signs of a snow-drift and got excited as it was the first snow of the season. I pushed the curtains aside and looked on to see a beautiful white carpet outside. It was early enough that very few cars had marred the whiteness. I was admiring it when I noticed that, against the red bricks of the building across the street, there was a pink blotch. As I focused, the blotch became human shaped and I cleared my eyes enough to realize that it was Maryse and she was raising her cell phone to her ear.
On cue, my phone rings. I pick it up. Still sounding drunk, she asks me if we can speak. I ask her to give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll meet her down there. She asks why she can't come up. I say that I'm not sure I want her in my apartment. She says that it's cold out. I say: "Good, then this will be quick."
I get dressed and meet her outside. I'm still bleary-eyed from having woken up 5 minutes ago, but I try to get my wits together. I tell her that we're going to walk to the subway. It 's a 10-minute walk normally, but with her drunkenness, it might take 15-20 minutes. That's how long she has to tell me what she wants to tell me.
She wants to apologize for accusing me of cheating on her. She says she knows I'm a great guy and... I may be the A-hole at this point too, but I start to drift off in my little bubble and start daydreaming about, if I go back to bed, would there still be some residual heat or would it be cold? I could take a hot shower and warm the bed that way. I could still hear her in the background making excuses, saying how she had been cheated on, but I wasn't really listening.
During the daydreaming I notice it got quite quiet. I look on my left and she's not there, I turn around she's a good 5-6 steps behind me looking angry and she says: "you're not listening" I just say: "when you're right, you're right." I tell her that I understand she's been hurt too in the past, and I hope she can work to resolve her issues, but I was done and I'm going back to bed. I was a bit harsh there, but I was tired and still down.
I walk past her and get maybe 10 paces past her when I hear a scream coming from her. I turn around and I see her messing with something inside her coat. She pulls out a chef's knife with like an 8-inch blade. That wakes me the fuck up. Byebye bleary eyes, hello wakefulness. better than a cup of coffee or a red bull I tell you!
So she's got the knife, she's screaming something that I can't quite understand. She gets quiet and then she charges at me with the knife. If I'm being honest I could have stayed where I was and she probably would have missed me anyways, but someone charges at me with a knife, I'm gonna nope out of there. I take a massive side step and once she gets to where I was and realizes that I'm no longer there, she turns her head towards me and says heyyyyy.
At that point, I have a moment of clarity and see what's gonna happen. She's drunk running one way and looking another, I know she's gonna trip. As I predicted, she stumbled over her feet and starts falling to the ground. I start praying to god and anybody who would listen: "Please don't let her cut herself. I don't want to have to explain this to the doctors, EMTs and nurses. I don't want her drunk ass deciding to take revenge on me by saying I did it."
Thankfully, she winds up in a sitting position on the sidewalk holding the knife up and it was clean. Thank god for small miracles. She starts crying and, other moment of clarity, I know she's gonna turn the knife on herself now. I jump towards her and I realize I was right, the knife starts moving towards her left wrist. I tackle her, grab her right wrist and twist it so she drops the knife. I pick the knife back up and put it in my pocket. She looks at me crying and says: "Why did you stop me?"
I pick her up and take her back to my building. In my building there was a couch in the lobby, so I take her there and I sit her down and plop myself next to her. I look at her and wonder out loud: "What am I gonna do with you? What can I do?"
She goes: "Just let me go, I'll be good." I tell her that's not going to happen. I realize I have three options and I give her the three options.
"So here's the choice I give you.
1- I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted murder back there and they send the police to arrest you. I don't want to do that because that could derail your life and not get you the help you need. Besides, they might not do anything anyway as it's your word against mine.
2= I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted suicide back there and that you need to be placed on a 72 hour hold. I could do that, but at the same time, again it's my word against yours, so maybe they don't believe me.
3- I'm gonna hazard a guess here. From what I've seen, you have alcohol problems. So I'm gonna guess you were in AA, had been sober for a while, I want to say 6 months, maybe less, when we met."
She confirms my guess.
"alright so option 3, I'm guessing you had a sponsor in AA." she nods "we call them up and tell them about your relapse and what happened this morning. Can they come get you and take care of you?"
She takes her phone out and picks a contact and calls. She hands me the phone. Someone answers and I explain the situation. They said they were coming right away. I give them my address, they get here 15 minutes later. Maryse had fallen asleep in the meantime, so I wake her up gently and help her to the car. Off she went.
I went back to my apartment and just crashed back to sleep.
A month later
Mid-january, my phone rings and I see Maryse's number on there. I send her to voice mail. Another call. Voicemail again. 5 minutes later, Private number calling. "Gee I wonder who that could be." Voicemail once more.
Afterwards, I didn't get any unidentified callers for a little over a week. One afternoon, I was at work and my phone rings and it's a number I do not recognize. I pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Guy?"
"Yes, to whom am I speaking?"
"This is Hannah, Maryse's sponsor. we spoke last month." I started fearing the worst.
"Yes, I remember. How can I help you?"
"Maryse tried to reach you last week and you rejected the calls. I think it could help Maryse if you listened to what she had to say. You're obviously not obligated to entertain her, but I think despite everything that happened, you still care about her or you would not have called me that morning."
"You are right, I do still care about Maryse. I'm just not sure how good it would be for her to meet me this soon after everything that happened. I understand wanting to work through the 9th step and making amends, but..." She interrupts me.
"So you know about the steps."
"Yes I have friends in the program. which is how I could guess that she was in the program too that morning."
"You know it's important."
"I know. I know. How about this: we meet in public at a cafe, you would have to be there. Not necessarily at the table with us, but nearby in case she needs help, in case meeting me causes her pain. Tell her I promise to be in a more receptive mood than I was that morning."
So we make an appointment for that saturday afternoon.
I get to the coffee shop. She's already there, and so is her sponsor. I realize happily that she's not wearing makeup. I say happily because that means she understands that this is not a date, but something serious. She's still stunningly beautiful, and I feel sad almost right away.
I grab a coffee and go join her at the table.
"Hey" I say,
"Hey. So this is gonna be uncomfortable, but thank you for agreeing to meet me and for coming, I appreciate it more than you know. I'm sure you heard I quit the store."
"I have, I'm sorry about that, I hope you didn't do it just because of me."
"No, I needed time to focus on myself for now."
She proceeds to tell me about how I wasn't far off with my guess. She had been sober 4 months when we met. Now she had 39 days. She tells me that in AA, if you are single, they recommend not dating anyone new for at least the first year of your sobriety as it can cause issues, similar to what happened with us. I was like her "drug" and as long as I was available, she could get her fix. But the moment I wasn't available all hell broke loose, and that is what led her back to drinking that day.
I told her I'm glad to see her back sober again this quickly and I hope she can get all the help she needs from it. I ask her if she wants to talk to me about her drinking.
She starts to share a story about how she started drinking at around 11 years old. When puberty hit her, she got into a deep depression because the sexual feelings she was starting to feel were triggering responses. As a child she had been abused by two of her uncles repeatedly and her parents never believed her. They accused her of trying to make herself interesting. That was until they caught one of those uncles red-handed.
They finally believed and took the necessary steps to protect their daughter. But they were poor and they couldn't afford therapy. So she never really got help for it. At 11, she started self medicating the depression with alcohol. When alcohol wasn't enough, she added drugs.
At that point, I was full on crying. She asked me if I wanted her to stop. I told her that she doesn't have to stop. That the tears are there because that was one more thing we had in common. I was also a survivor of sexual assault as a child. In my case, it wasn't a family member, it was only a stranger, so it only happened once. But I also self-medicated with alcohol at the onset of puberty, switching to drugs later on too. I was lucky to avoid the pitfalls of addiction, but I was still dealing with my demons, slowly making peace with them.
So there we were, sitting at a coffee shop, both crying and holding each other. I tell her that I think it's great she's getting help for her alcoholism and addicion, but was she doing anything to help with the underlying issue, the original trauma? She said no, she couldn't afford therapy. I tell her that I am a member of a survivors group and if she is interested, I could get her into a meeting and perhaps learn to heal that part of herself too.
She said that she could give it a try. I tell her I have to talk to the other members to know if I can bring someone new and I would let her know. If they said yes, we would go to her first meeting together, I would introduce her and then we would coordinate so that I never went to meetings where she was. I wanted to do that because I wanted her first few meetings to be about healing and I didn't want our own history to be intertwined or mixed in with that.
After that, we left both feeling content and, while not necesarily happy, at peace if you will. Later on, I contacted Stephanie who was one of the "pillars" of the support group (that's how we met) to ask her if it was okay for me to bring in a new member to the group. She said sure. She asked if it was anyone she knew. I told her she would have to meet her at the meeting if she decides to come.
We were having a meeting the following day. I called Maryse, told her the time and place, and she said she would be there. She came to the group meeting and was shocked to see Stephanie there but Stephanie kinda guessed that it was Maryse I was referring to.
I introduce her, we start sharing stories, talking about how we're feeling, etc. The meeting was good and Maryse liked the vibe. So for the first six months after that, I never saw Maryse and we planned which meeting we would be attending to ensure we didn't cross paths. She started feeling much better.
After maybe 2 and a half years, she finally felt ready and she started dating again. She met someone and she fell for him. They were together for about six months, she looked happy. Unfortunately after about six months, she caught him cheating on her. We tried supporting her, being good friends, cursing his name, doing all the things we could to make sure she didn't relapse. But on April 5th 2014, she ODed on heroin. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks after that.
Hannah took her in and she set up a room for Maryse. She was still in a fragile state, so a group of her friends and I started taking turns watching over Maryse, making sure there was always at least one person there with her to keep her company.
Despite our vigilance, on May 14th 2014, when Hannah was out running a quick errand, she was gone maybe 15 minutes tops, Maryse found a way to cut her wrists and she died. We found a note saying that "the OD was not an accident, and neither was that. Thanks for everything you did for me. I love you all, but I can't do this anymore."
It feels good to write that story (I'll just ignore the fat tears rolling down my face!). Thanks for reading this far and sorry for the long story, I just started writing and couldn't stop. I apologize if it was a bit of a bummer.

“What do you mean it’s wrong?” said Tamara, becoming frustrated with Samuel.
“I'm trying to tell you that plants do not eat earth. They just absorb nutrients from it,” Samuel replied, equally annoyed as this was the fourth time he had explained it. “Look, just take my word for it, OK,” he added.
“Fine, but you will have to explain it again,” Tamara retorted.
Samuel and Tamara were partners in a scientific study of their forest home. It was genuinely idyllic in every sense of the word; the trees stretched high into the sky, and everyone was covered in succulent leaves, a deep and gorgeous shade of green. Around their trunks were rings of flowers gathered from every continent, and a thick carpet of grass lay on the ground.
The two sat underneath a chestnut tree, writing up their findings for the day. It had focused mainly on tree sizes and growth rates, and they had continued this study for, on and off, almost a year.
Samuel turned to look at his assistant and found that she was just as remarkable as the day they had first met: golden locks, like living sunlight, tied neatly in a bun. Her eyes were an emerald green, and all in all, she was gorgeous. However, it was when you came to her waist that things became truly incredible because rather than a pair of legs, there was a long and wide snake’s tail.
It was huge, at least seven metres long and as wide as her torso. The scales were the same beautiful colour as her hair and reflected the sunlight in such a way that she appeared to glow. She was wearing an ultramarine tunic with a black diamond in the centre. She was like this not because of a plague, a curse or some mutation; Tamara was a Lamia; it was how she was born.
Samuel, on the other hand, looked far less impressive. He was around five foot ten, with dull brown hair and equally dull eyes. His stomach stuck out from the rest of him. No amount of exercise was able to get rid of it.
He was by every description a ‘dull as dishwater’ human. His clothes, however, were slightly more interesting. He wore a navy blue tunic with a thick leather belt wrapped around his waist. On his feet was a pair of excellent leather boots, able to withstand whatever the world threw at them and on his forearms and shins, he wore something Tamara had never seen or even heard of before: a pair of vambraces and greaves, Samuel called it armour.
Three strips of rugged leather layered on top of one another made up each piece, and between each layer was a collection of tiny metal beads. When Tamara asked what they were for, Samuel said they were for protection.
All of this would have been inconceivable to Samuel two years ago, but he had become used to it in time. Samuel was not born into this world; he had arrived. How? He did not know, but he remembered it all vividly; his senses had been overloaded, and at first, he believed he had died.
“What’s wrong?” Tamara asked Samuel, who had been silent for over a minute.
Samuel snapped out of his daydream and said: “nothing, just thinking about that day again.”
Tamara nodded and said nothing else; she knew exactly what was wrong.
Samuel went straight back to writing. When Samuel first showed up, there had been no paper or pens, but what was even stranger than the lack of these apparent necessities was that Samuel had had to invent both of these items.
Tamara and those like her did not possess a written language; they relied entirely on their memories, and until Samuel had shown up, Tamara had not even conceived of the notion, but she had picked it up astonishingly quickly.
“It still sounds like eating to me,” said Tamara, bringing the conversation back to the original topic.
“Well, it isn’t; eating requires a mouth and stomach,” Samuel replied.
“Says who?” Tamara asked defiantly.
“Says me,” Samuel answered.
Samuel jotted down the last of his notes and left the pages to dry in the sun. Samuel then turned to his right and looked at a large book, the size of a chair’s seat, bound in yellow leather and knotted by animal tendons. He picked it up and began to leaf through the pages.
His eyes glanced over paragraphs about oak trees and orchid flowers until he finally reached the section he sought; the page was titled Silver Birch (Betula Pendula).
“Have you finished the drawing on Silver Birch yet?” Samuel asked without looking.
Tamara was currently focused on a drawing of sunflowers, but she understood his request and, without looking up or saying a word, handed him the picture he wanted.
Samuel took the drawing and took several moments admiring it. Like all her work, the picture was astounding; not only did it look like an actual Silver Birch, but it also seemed to be alive, as though it would start blowing in the breeze.
Samuel punched four holes along the sheet's left side, undid the tendon strings and then attached the drawing behind the title page. He added eight more pages to his book, four of text and four illustrations.
Their work was now done; there was no more writing or drawing today, and he placed their work into a knapsack Tamara had brought with her. Samuel turned to his partner and asked: “so what do you want to do now?”
Tamara looked up through the canopy and could make out the silhouettes of several birds and finally said: “I’d quite like to fly.”
Samuel smiled, chuckled and said, “Yes, so would I, but that would require every member of the village working together for decades.”
Tamara looked Samuel in the eye and said: “are you making fun of me?”
Samuel did not reply; he just looked Tamara dead in the eye. She observed every minute twitch on Samuel's face and concluded he was not.
“How could a person fly?” She asked, suddenly intrigued.
“I don’t know, I’m not an engineer,” Samuel answered, “So apart from flying, what else do you want to do?”
Tamara let out a sigh and said: “I guess we will just have to walk.”
These were the moments Samuel lived for, just a quiet afternoon with his best friend enjoying a stroll; he was utterly content.
“You seem chipper,” Tamara said, noticing the growing smile on Samuel’s face.
“That’s because I feel chipper” he replied
They passed through the trees, heading towards their favourite spot, a beach by the side of a lake so large you could not see the other side.
“So, how is everyone?” Samuel said, trying to spark a conversation.
“You mean every single one because that could take a while?” Tamara replied.
“Let’s start with your mother” he clarified.
Tamara’s mother, Pancha, was more or less just a larger version of her daughter, just as brash and headstrong.
“She’s fine; she has finally stopped asking me what happened every time I come to meet you,” she said.
“Really, and it only took her two and a half years,” said Samuel with a smirk.
Yes, that first year here, had been a real trial. Samuel had never felt so scared, isolated and persecuted in his life. When he thought about it, he could still feel the fear and the hopelessness.
A gust of air slammed into Samuel’s face, bringing him back to the present, and what a wonderful time it was. The water was crystal clear, the beach was covered in sparkling white sand, and the distinct aroma of water wafted through the air. Samuel breathed it all in as Tamara spread herself over the beach.
The cooling breeze that Samuel found so enjoyable, Tamara found far less agreeable. Tamara was ectothermic or cold-blooded. She could not maintain her body temperature; she needed to absorb it from her environment, and the wind was slowly draining her.
“Comfortable down there?” Samuel asked.
Tamara turned her head, looked up at him and said: “Actually, yes, not as good as my bed, but still fine.”
Samuel left Tamara to her thermoregulation and strolled down to the water’s edge, “stay where I can see you!” Tamara called.
“Yes, MOM,” Samuel answered sarcastically, though he knew it was more for Tamara’s sake than his; she had a problem with open spaces.
Samuel closed his eyes, stretched his arms above his head, feeling his muscles strain against the tension, and yawned. Small tears formed in his eyes and wiped them away. He had only been up for a few hours but was ready for bed.
“Too much thinking, that was the problem,” Samuel mumbled to himself.
The sunlight sparkled on the water’s surface. It seemed as though millions of diamonds were suddenly brought into existence, danced for a few moments, and then vanished as quickly as they came. It was beautiful, just like everything else here.
He climbed up a rock that jutted from that sand and sat down, his legs dangling over the edge. As he kicked his legs, a ray of sun caught his greaves, and although the leather was rather dull, it still dazzled him.
Samuel heard a sound reminiscent of sandpaper brushing against wood, and he knew at once what it was. He waited four more seconds and said, without moving an inch, “Don’t even think about it!”
“How did you know?” Tamara asked, feeling simultaneously impressed, confused and disappointed.
Samuel looked her in the eye and replied: “who do you think you’re dealing with?”
Tamara had not clambered up the rock like Samuel; she had simply raised herself on her tail so she stood over two metres high.
“Are you feeling better?” he asked.
Tamara smiled and answered, “yes, thanks for asking.”
Tamara moved behind Samuel and then began to coil around the boulder, and if he had not experienced it all before, it would have been unnerving. Tamara was only twelve and a half, yet she was already far stronger than him. Samuel was sure if Tamara really wanted to, she could crush a bison to death. After the graceful dance around the stone, she sat down beside Samuel.
The pair was silent for a few minutes, except for a quick coughing fit by Samuel; they took in the unnatural beauty of their surroundings.
“Hey, I have a question,” said Tamara, coming back to her senses.
“What is it?” Samuel replied.
“You still haven’t told me why we are studying the forest?” She asked.
In an instant, Samuel became deeply confused. To him, it seemed all too obvious why they were doing it.
“There is no practical reason for doing it. We do it so that we know,” Samuel answered.
Tamara became silent. Samuel realised that she was deep in thought and decided to give her all the time she needed until she finally said: “Is this one of those human things?”
Samuel, upon hearing this, gave a small chuckle and answered: “yes, if you like.”
Suddenly, something caught Samuel’s eye. It was a crab, no bigger than a golf ball. Its back was powder blue, and it held its arms upright, its claws pointing down. The tiny creature would walk forward, scoop some sand into its mouth, and then leave a small pellet behind.
“Look at that!” said Samuel, nudging Tamara’s shoulder and pointing at the tiny crustacean. Tamara turned her head and looked directly at where he was pointing; she strained her eyes at what she thought was a pebble; she was about to climb down and collect it when it suddenly moved, and she squealed.
Tamara dragged the bottom end of her tail up from the beach and timidly said, “What’s that?”
Samuel remembered that tone of voice all too well, and it brought with it some unpleasant memories, but he pushed them to the back of his mind and said: “it’s a crab.”
Samuel was certain he had seen this type of crab before but could not put a name to the image. Samuel was sure he had read about them, watched a documentary, or attended a lecture, but he could not remember. Ultimately, he decided to drop it for now and see if the answer would come to him.
Tamara kept staring at it as though she believed it would pounce if she took her eyes off it for one second.
“Is it dangerous?” she asked, her voice hushed to ensure the creature did not notice her.
Samuel sighed and answered: “it’s a crab, Tamara, unless you happen to be a nematode then…”
Samuel paused mid-sentence as his brain finally connected the dots and asked, “Wait, you have never seen a crab before?”
This perplexed Samuel for a moment until he remembered that Tamara did not have a television, a car, and she could not fly a plane, so it was not unexpected that she would not know what a crab was.
Tamara shook her head in response to his question, and Samuel added: “you know what a woodlouse is, right?”
Tamara nodded and said, “I like woodlice.”
“Well, a crab is just a type of woodlouse that lives near water,” Samuel concluded.
However, he could tell from her face that she was unconvinced, so he got off the rock, walked over to the tiny creature, wary of its pincers, and picked it up by its backside.
“What are you doing?” Tamara called in alarm.
Samuel held the animal, its legs flailing wildly in an attempt to escape, and said, “showing you there is nothing to be worried about.”
Taking care not to crush it, Samuel clambered back up the rock and presented the animal to her. Tamara stared at it for some as the crab bobbed its eye up and down and tried in vain to find a part of Samuel it could nip.
“It’s actually kind of… cute,” Tamara said after two minutes of silence.
She relaxed her tail and let it rest on the beach once more. “Can it hold it?” She asked Samuel, fear being replaced by interest.
“Of course, you can. Just make sure you hold it by its back and be careful of the pincers; if they get you, it will hurt.”
Samuel handed the crab over to her and watched as Tamara began to inspect the animal from every angle. The crab had a white underbelly and purple joints.
“You think you could draw it from memory?” Samuel asked.
“Hmm?” Tamara replied. Samuel let out a sigh and repeated. After three more attempts, Tamara finally took notice and said, “Yes.”
Five minutes later, Samuel said, “we should probably put him back now.”
Tamara moaned about it, but Samuel said: “he has his own life, Tamara; you can’t keep him!”
She conceded, grumbling under her breath, and gently placed the animal back on the sand. As the crab dashed away, the two noticed that while they had been fixated on that single crab, thousands more had emerged on the beach.
Upon seeing the swarm of animals make their way across the beach, Tamara let out a squeal and once again pulled her tail up off the beach. The army of crabs marched along the shore. The collective walking produced a sound loud enough to hear from fifty metres away, and at last, Samuel remembered what they were and said, with no small amount of satisfaction in his voice, “they’re soldier crabs.”
“What are they going to do?” Tamara asked, concerned by the sudden appearance of so many creatures.
Samuel kept staring at the gathering, but he heard her question and replied, “They’re just feeding,” and added quickly, “But we are far too big for them.”
“That's odd,” Samuel said under his breath.
“I know there are so many of them,” Tamara said, deeply unnerved by the sheer vastness of the swarm.
“No,” Samuel said, “There should be this many of them; it’s where they are that is strange.”
Tamara momentarily took her eyes off the army and asked, “So where should they be.” There was a slight flicker of fear in her voice at the prospect of being invaded; rats and mice where bad enough. They did not need another pest.
“By the sea, not a freshwater lake,” he answered.
“The Sea?” Tamara almost yelled. Samuel was a little surprised by this enthusiasm and turned to face her.
“Yes,” he said.
“Have you ever been to the sea,” she asked.
“Yes, many times,” Samuel said, uncertain where this was going.
“I bet it’s wonderful,” Tamara added with a smile.
Samuel was silent as his brain connected a few dots and asked: “how can you know about the sea if you don’t know about crabs?”
She smiled; Tamara enjoyed it when she knew something that he did not, “there is a story that my mom told me that before we came to this forest, we were a different people that lived by the sea.” Tamara paused for a breath.
“But then humans came and drove us from the water, and we fled inland. Our people split into two. One half went to the mountains, and the other settled in the forest.”
Tamara finished and waited for his reply. Samuel, however, just kept looking at her. Tamara was concerned that she had upset him; he did not like it when humans were labelled as the enemy, yet his face and posture were not those of one who was sad or angry.
“You people blame us for everything, don’t you?” Samuel said with a chuckle.
“If there is a fire, it’s a human’s fault. If there is an earthquake, it’s a human’s fault. If a little Boreray boy drinks all their apple juice in one gulp, it’s a human’s fault.”
“So, getting back on topic, where did these “Soldier crabs” come from anyway? We have visited this lake for over two years and never seen even a glimpse?” Tamara asked. Samuel looked back to the slowly advancing army, and several ideas flashed through his head.
“Maybe they have been dormant up until now; perhaps they make a large circle around the lake shore, and it’s simply luck that we were here on the day they passed by, or maybe the migrated here from somewhere else.”
They watched the crabs' ceaseless march until Tamara said, “These things are still giving me the creeps. Can we go now?” Samuel could not argue that there was something eerie about all of these animals appearing, seemingly, from nowhere; however, there was still one thing he had to be certain of.
“You think you could draw one from memory?” he asked.
Tamara’s face contorted in a scowl. Samuel, for all his good points, could become far too focused on his research, which often caused him to become ignorant of other people.
Yet she knew sitting here yelling at him would accomplish nothing, so she told him the truth: “Yes, can we go now!” Samuel nodded and then slid off the rock. Tamara copied him, and they both slinked back to the cover of the trees.
Now that she was beneath the canopy, Tamara let out an enormous sigh of relief as the anxiety slowly left, and the close air warmed her body. On the other hand, Samuel began to chafe at the stagnant air while his head began to bead with sweat, but it was nothing he had not experienced before, so he gritted his teeth and bared with it.
With their plans now ruined, Tamara and Samuel wandered aimlessly through the woods, chatting about what they could do to fill the rest of the day. Several ideas arose, including visiting a nearby waterfall and a set of monument stones, but none truly appealed to them.
In the end, Tamara said, “how about we just call it a day?”
Samuel was happy about this. Tamara was his only form of human contact, yet he could not deny the pointlessness of wandering around the woods, so he said, “Ok, but let’s take the long way.”
Samuel heard a sound above him and saw a red squirrel scampering through the trees.
“Is it difficult?” Tamara asked.
Samuel looked at Tamara and replied, “Well, it can give me a crick in my neck sometimes.”
Tamara let out a short laugh and clarified, “No, I mean, is it difficult being so inquisitive? It looks exhausting.”
He was not entirely sure what she meant by that. To Samuel, Tamara was every bit as curious as him, so he stated: “you tell me, you went out looking for me just because you wanted to know.”
“True,” answered Tamara, “and everyone has always said that I am always asking questions, but you’re like a boar that just ate sugar beat.”
“I have no idea what that means,” Samuel said, shaking his head. “But I do know that people always told me, when I was a boy, that humans are, by their nature, infinitely curious, but personally, I think that it’s just how I was born.” there was a pause, and he quickly added, “just like you.”
Tamara’s fingers started to numb as she brushed them against the bark of passing trees. She took a good look at the trees around her. Tamara had lived her entire life sheltered by these trees. This place was her home, her family’s home and her friend’s home, and she loved it, a perfect example of the innate beauty of nature.
Samuel, however, was of a different opinion this forest disturbed him, though this feeling had diminished with time. The trees all grew in perfect symmetry, four and a half strides form each other.
From Tamara’s perspective, there was nothing strange about this, yet Samuel often said that this should not be possible, that the wood should be a mess and that the trees should grow in an unorganised fashion. Yet to Tamara, the idea of messy forests was just as impossible as a structured one was to him.
Noon came and went, and Samuel’s stomach began to rumble. His breakfast was becoming a distant memory; he thought he might be able to bear it for another hour or so, but as they travelled closer to the village, Tamara started to become irritated by Samuel’s constant growling.
“We need to find you something to eat before that sound drives me nuts!” Tamara stated bluntly.
“That’s all well and good, my dear, so long as you can materialise food out of the aether,” answered Samuel, with just a hint of condescension in his voice.
Tamara did not know what the aether was, but it did not matter. “No, but I do know a nearby tree with some great fruit in it,” she replied.
Samuel found this strange for two reasons. Firstly, he found it very difficult to believe there was a source of food in this forest that either he had not found, or Tamara had not told him about yet.
Secondly that, Tamara would know much about something she could not eat. Tamara was strictly carnivorous; she ate nothing but meat.
He wanted answers fast and asked: “So why haven’t you told me about this before?”
“Because I can’t stand the smell, that’s why, and I didn’t want you stinking up the place,” she explained.
“If it smells disgusting, what makes you think I will eat it?” he asked.
“Because the Boreray can’t get enough of it, some of them say that they taste like all the best parts of every fruit and vegetable we grow, which is a shame because they smell like all the worst,” she added.
He asked no more questions. He was too busy thinking; this fruit sounded so familiar, but he could not remember. The need to survive day in day out had pushed most of his standard learning, from school and university to the back of his mind, not forgotten mind you just buried.
I'm back with Tamara and Samuel latest adventure. If you like what you've read so far and want to know where it's going you can find the complete story by following the links below.
e-book(US/UK/CA/AU/DE)
Physical(US/UK/CA/DE)
If you do decide to read ahead please leave a review or rating, every single one helps immensely, and helps me keep doing what I'm doing.
Also the e-book will be at a reduced price until the last chapter it published on reddit.

so i just bleached my hair and by that i mean my friend bleached my hair; they’re an aspiring cosmetologist and in return for being their first “customer” i was able to get a free session! i wanted a copper / ginger so after two days of bleaching i am.. crying my eyes out. yes, some of you may be “well, you chose to be the guinea pig” yes i did, but i also wanted it to look halfway salvageable (an important event is this weekend)
for context, i have super thin hair because i’m asian and my skin tone is like an olive? combined with the fact that because my hair is so dark, my friend had to bleach it three times and mixed dyes i really should’ve known it would end with me with some bright ginger on top with red on the inside and some blonde on my left. (i look like a a sunset on acid)
i have no malice against my friend and lied saying “it looks pretty good!” but… i’m actually freaking out. tweaking out, crashing out— i mean i can almost salvage it if i dye my eyebrows because they’re so dark and jarring in comparison to my hair…
what do i do (i fear it’s time for me to go bald)

Hi friends! I’m now four days post op, almost 5. And I’m already noticing some changes. I would almost always wake up with terrible bile acid reflux, an upset stomach and so so sweaty. Usually going to bed I’d be extremely warm and have to sleep on top of the covers and sometimes that wouldn’t be enough. Very terrible symptom I’d wake up drenched in sweat. I had no idea that could be caused by gallbladder inflammation. Since then I’ve been able to sleep so much better and haven’t been having terrible heat flashes. Pictures from surgery if anyone wants to see!

Tarot Reader since 2017 who has fully mastered in depth readings to bring true insight to the energies and circumstances you are dealing with, with the use of Oracle and Astrology as well. Shaneka's Services And Contact Linktree
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This is more of a rant post, I’ve had headaches every day from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep for 10+ years (hard to remember when they started). I’m 20 years old now and I feel like I’m going to suffer for the rest of my life, it’s hard to do anything especially on top of having ADHD and sensory processing disorder making my already bad headaches worse. I’m struggling to deal with it. It sounds terrible to say but I have envied those with physical disabilities on my darker days cause at least people believe you when you say you’re suffering.
My doctor has no idea what’s going on, he’s never seen this before and nothing on CAT MRI and Ultrasound was abnormal other than an enlarged occipital bulb (just bone nothing else) I’ve been to several neurologists and they don’t know what is going on. I took muscle relaxers to help and they only help on occasion, if things aren’t terrible.
if there are others that suffer like me, or hopefully have been rid of these things, do you feel the same way?
The main reason why I post this is because I saw a thread from 8 years ago with someone having a similar issue. I’m just wondering if those that are still out there. If they are. If it still affects them to this day.

PSA #1: u/pep-- is going to post a weekend live thread for the weekend, we think the weekend definitely deserves it. He just needs to finish his homework first.
PSA #2: We now have a new fancy very very blue RAUM flair. I know some of you are sporting an improvised RAUM flair so now you can grab a real one. Apologies, should have done this way earlier.

I'm gonna keep this one short, I'm gonna keep this one short, I'm gonna...

Helllllooooooo bbs, I'd like to announce that THE WINTER IS OVER, the sun is out, we are getting new sunglasses because we lost all of them at parties last year (no? just me? goddamn berghain took like 3 pairs, alongside my dignity), we are showing skin, sweating balls, getting hornier again, annnd.... Entering festival season, so let's talk about that.
This weekend we have three festival contenders:
Awakenings Upclose (timetable)
Big, big up to Awakenings programming/booking and marketing team. Awakenings until now felt like a festival to avoid, but somehow, Upclose seems to be the place to be. Everyone I know and their mother will be there, including me, but not my mother. She's coming to Lofi for Die Rakete in two weeks, but that's another story.
My plan for Awakenings is:

• a low dose of acid
  • haha for legal purposes I swear that was a joke
• turn off my phone
  • this I very much recommend
• Polar Inertia (Sat)
  • there's a chance you haven't heard about Polar Inertia (and your hardtechno friends definitely haven't), because it's one of those projects that are half-dormant, rare to catch, and you kinda have to know to know.
  • keywords are ambient, experimental, deep, elegant, I also hope for cold and creepy but that might be just me
  • they recently (ish) released a set with Monument, go get a taste
• Sandwell District (Sat)
  • Sparkles fangirling over Sandwell District - Exhibit A
  • Sparkles fangirling over Sandwell District - Exhibit B
  • more than a 20 year old label/group/act responsible for my currently favourite track ever that woke up from hibernation last year, and started releasing new stuff that I also love
  • also known as mainly Function and Regis, but other names floating around are Rrose, and Silent Servant... that one isn't floating around anymore, unfortunately 💔
• otherwise fuck around and find out
  • I mean walk around without expectations and see where I end up

Some other maybe noteworthy things in my opinion:

• check out the hard techno stages
  • Vera Grace is actually good , and so is Somniac One
  • I'd check out Rebekah and SNTS out of nostalgia, I like how they used to play and I have a tiny sliver of hope that they might bring some of that to Upclose, yes, but also, probably not, oh well
  • I wish I could say the same about 9x9 because they used to play awesome live acid (bitches love livesets), but I have zero hope they will pull that out again, oh well
• Colin Benders x Speedy J
  • two total legends from the NL, they are known to deliver ✨education✨
  • Colin is a joy to watch playing, also I think it's gonna be a hybrid / live (and bitches love livesets), because I have never seen Colin DJing ever - does he even know how to mix? I don't think you should know how to mix if you can just conjure tracks out of thin air and a big bunch of cables...
  • Speedy J
    • Speedy J with Colin Benders
  • They could theoretically play quite hard, both are very well capable of it, don't come crying if they do, also check out this set of Speedy's violent alias Public Energy at Unpolished 2020, because that's the education I'm talking about
    • I mean even Speedy J as Speedy J is violent
• CEM & MCMLXXXV
  • fun, banging, fun, cute

Lente Kabinet (lineup)
Not my thing, know like 2 and a half names on the lineup, someone hype something in the comments please I'm lost, it's not techno, ugh.
Draaimolen Island x Sustain-Release (timetable)
Looks cute, is sold out, please write thorough reviews in the afters, I'm curious with a slight tinge of FOMO 😇

You can also go check out the May Festival Monthly from u/Motionez to see their take on these.

Let's look into pre-parties on Friday now:
DINA, KI/KI & Nelly at Club RAUM
Sold out (tickets at the door though), but I need to fangirl here anyway, because fuck damn, this is RAUM finally bringing a lineup that finally really speaks to me, and it's not even about KI/KI for me, let me explain:

• I am still haunted by memories of what Nelly did to me at Ratherlost NYD, one person I don't want to publicly shame (I miss you u/bleepbloopbarbatruc, and btw I finally kinda learn to spell your username) said "Nelly is a warmup DJ, can't really imagine her in a different slot" - SO DAMN WRONG. She absolutely killed the preclosing slot with a a tense, organic/tribal, deep, terrifying set that just filled the air in the room with something. Yeah yeah, going that deep is not everyone's thing, but hey, house isn't either, blabla.
• I haven't heard DINA play in person yet but I did my research and I'm excited. She can definitely pull off a wormhole, but isn't afraid to step out of it as well and play something actually euphoric, or heavy hitting borderline tekno, and yeah, she just has 🔥range🔥 and definitely knows how to use it, I don't know who decided to book her there but THANK YOU.
• and of course, KI/KI. It's always a treat to get someone so big/popular, talented and good to play in an intimate venue, and on top of this, KI/KI and RAUM go way way wayyyyy back and you can just feel the love there.

See ya there bbs, all the other Friday events can go home. (Garage with Fever Dream might be cool in a signature-garage-weird way, and there's one other event that I avoid mentioning, and people always come after me with wHY DiDN't You MeNtiOn THaT OnE... so yeah, that one)

That's done, let's talk about afters:
Awakenings Upclose After Hours at Radion and Bret (RADION timetable, Bret so far unannounced)
Nice blend of the locals like Thoms Traxx and Hashashin and infamous Berliners like Function and Quelza in Radion, I mean, can't really go wrong there, can you. But yeah, not much else to say.
I would have absolutely loved if they did some non-standard stuff like one of the big hard techno names playing a surprise, unnanounced sunrise house set in Bret (can you please take a moment and imagine SNTS doing it), or do open decks w/ the Funk Assault babes and Beau Didier, Isaiah, and idk Flits and Hitam? Not gonna happen, but a girl can dream, right.
131bpm, Marie Malarie, Naone & Lola Edo at Club RAUM on Saturday
If you're done with techno for the day and want to go shake your ass, wave your spine and wiggle your elbows, this is the one. I really like Naone here, she recorded a set for Harmony Rec, a label I will always simp for, and generally I like her take on house, where she sometimes dives deeper than you would expect from a house set, and you can generally hear interesting sounds in her sets, which is not really a a thing in that... genre. It's like someone forced DJ MARIA. to play house. Did I just offend two artists with one sentence? Sorry dears, I love you both.
DJ Nobu, Cobahn, Nelly at PERRON on Saturday
I don't want to mention this one, but kinda can't not bc Nobu. Done.
Vibrant with Nur Jaber at Melkweg on Saturday
u/sinacuk slid into my DMs asking politely and nicely for a shoutout, so here it goes 💖

Hellooo! As Vibrant we have another event on the night of 18th of May with Nur Jaber, Bours?, and 7Circle. It will be at the OZ room of melkweg, with an intimate atmosphere and no phone policy. We are designing own lights once again with Kraft Und Licht as well. Also we are going to have art exhibitions.

I'll just add that I saw Nur Jaber closing Berghain once, and it sounded like forks in a high speed mixer while your aggressive neighbor is trying to kick your front door in. This was a compliment. Nur Jaber is cool, because she also does this.
Talismann b2b Makam all night long at Levenslang on Sunday
Rumor has it that if he plays without a shirt, it's Talismann, if with, then it's Makam. Playing a b2b with yourself all night long feels like a recipe for a personality disorder, or you already have to have one to come up with this idea. Jokes aside, Talismann is good, so is Makam, this is a cool, novel, and deranged idea, I can get behind this.
UNUSUAL at Radio Radio on Sunday
First party from a project of one cool person from the former DS team, doorsale only, unannounced lineup (released podcasts may or may not betray some of it though), they clearly trust their network, friends, and people-who-just-know to show up. Respectable, good luck, godspeed.
Slapfunk at Bret on Monday
If you STILL want to party the fourth day in the row, Slapfunk gotchu. Lineup TBA, but it's probably gonna be boom tsaa boom tsaa boom tsaa or papm papm papm pupururu. Ideal for your last remaning braincell to bounce around.

Unrelated to the weekly, but important - if you have been an active part of this sub also last summer / fall, and feel close to the other notorious shitposters here, slide into my DMs, I might have something for you.

That's all folks, I made a long one again.

It makes sense as to why autistic people look younger than their age. It is common fear amongst the autistics which is the fear of change. When you fear change, you avoid a lot of intense experiences like any other individual. I have also noticed that people who are bold and gets their job done, goes out in the sun to work, develops normal maturity through age tend to have thicker eyebrows, intense face, a lot of sweat on their face. They do the "hardwork" which will put them ahead. I am not talking about just manual work, the emotional and mental work to get through something. They socialize accordingly with time. Basically how you operate shows up on your face. If you operate from fear and avoidance, it will definitely show up on your face. If you are bold and goes through the rough patch howsoever, it will show up on your face. You face is not just a face. It is accumulation of your experiences, choices, mental work, and let's not forget how you feel emotionally on a day to day basis. Try this thing ,if you just write on a paper few times for next 30 days "I am changing, I am growing old". It will trick the brain to think that changes are on the way, and we need to leave the past to embrace the present. There is no shortcut to looking older than actually looking older through your rough experiences. Also with autistics, it is also noticed that they tend to avoid heavy emotions. You have to address the emotion as it comes to you. Do not dodge, do not run, do not bypass it. Let it penetrate right through your heart and mind. Practicing this, bring a lot of intensity on your face. It is salty, it is ugly, horrible, nauseating, makes you feel weak and timid, makes you cry, your face gets all worked up, you sulk or whatever it is, go through your emotion as it comes right away. You are of a certain type because of how you operate and that's such a simple explanation. Make a list of all the hard work you are avoiding and number them according to the intensity. Pick anyone and do it anyway. You will start feeling the intensity of that on your face. Let's say: You absolutely hate the texture of a food. Have it anyway and let the anger, irritation comes on your surface. Let those irritate you. All those emotions are important to be felt. I understand the roughness we have gone through life because of the autism but sorry to be rude, you need to have the skills, boldness, willingness to get through life. You can't just hide in disguise of your mental health condition and be a softie for life.
Today, I am going to write down the list or let's say I will write " I HATE" and list them down all, number them, and I will give myself a month's time to address it. I will come back and update all the emotions I felt throughout the process. It is going to be tough. Bye.

I have been on Zoloft for almost two years, currently on 75mg. It has done wonders for me. I haven’t gotten any side effects if I take my meds consistently at the same time every day. But I have one big problem and it’s that I straight up cannot get out of bed in the morning. Before zoloft I used to go to bed at around 11 and get up say 7 or 8. I am one of those people that feels most energetic in the day with 6-8 hours of sleep, any more than that and I just feel groggy. I still go to bed around the same time, but I’ve found that I end up sleeping til 10 or 11. Which sucks because I have shit to do in the mornings and I just feel gross after waking up so late. The worst part is, it is nearly impossible to wake up to my alarm. This never used to happen to me pre zoloft, but as soon as my alarm goes off my dumb unconscious caveman brain convinces me that the best possible thing to do is turn it off and keep sleeping. It just feels too good to go back to sleep. The cycle continues until I realize it’s 11am. Even then I feel like I have to wake up for several minutes with my phone before getting up. I have tried placing my phone out of my bed so I have to get up to turn it off. Somehow I still end up getting back in bed and falling back into the cycle. On top of that I have insanely vivid and kind of disturbing dreams most nights that make it even harder to wake up. I also get night sweats so that’s fun. Zoloft does wonders for me in the day but nights are a different story I guess. Does anybody else have this issue? If so, is there anything i can do to change this? I know it sounds dramatic but it’s quite literally making my life worse.

I was diagnosed with POTS in November of 2023 after having COVID. I always had minor symptoms of POTS but it escalated drastically after being sick. I have a cardiologist who just told me to increase my salt intake, water intake, get good sleep and wear compression socks. I try to do all of that and nothing is helping. I have dizzy spells throughout the day, sometimes seeing stars and almost collapsing. Headaches almost everyday, weakness, fatigue. I never get a full nights rest - I’ll wake up several times in the night either from overheating or my heart pounding. My temperature regulation is horrible - I’m either freezing or so hot to the point where I’m sweating and need ice packs to cool me down. I don’t know what to do and am hoping for some advice on how to navigate this new way of life. It’s becoming increasingly more difficult to function throughout the day. Any advice is greatly appreciated ❤️

Tarot Reader since 2017 who has fully mastered in depth readings to bring true insight to the energies and circumstances you are dealing with, with the use of Oracle and Astrology as well. Shaneka's Services And Contact Linktree
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Over the last month I have had a heck of a time modding Skyrim for Steam Deck. In early 2023 I had modded the game via a Youtube video which worked perfectly but after the latest update, this is no longer the case. Googling provided almost Zero help.. Well through trial and error I've finally got the game modded for Steam Deck with 77 mods running perfectly. Today I'd like to share my findings.
I'll be using Vortex mod manager and SkyrimSE. For any other version of Skyrim just substitute your version instead. Also I know this may look overwhelming, it's not as hard as it looks, I'm just thorough. Aside from waiting for things to download and copy, this will take about 5-10 minutes. If there are issues however, one of the steps to fix this could take hours.
What you'll need:

• A PC capable of installing Skyrim and Vortex mod manager.
• A USB or USBC thumb drive or external drive (100gigs minimum).
• Cloud Saves Enabled for Skyrim.
• (optional) If your drive is USB you'll need a hub for your Steam Deck that supports USB.
• (optional) A keyboard and mouse to use on the Deck. Although you don't NEED these, it'll make the process much easier.

Getting Started:
Note: If you've already modded Skyrim on PC you can skip this section.

1. On your PC, Install Skyrim via Steam (remember where you installed it for later).
2. When it's finished, download and install Vortex Mod Manager.
3. Open your web browser and go to Nexus Mods and find and download all the mods you want to use. Select the "Files" tab and then select the "Mod Manager Download" option so Vortex can properly manage the mods. You may have to resolve some conflicts or the like, Vortex is pretty good at making that easy.
4. Once you are happy with the mods you have downloaded and installed. Launch Skyrim through Vortex by clicking the play button on the Skyrim graphic in the top left.
5. Play for at least 30 mins making sure to try everything, opening the map, your inventory, spells, etc.. If there are no crashes and no visible problems then you are good to go. Save the game and Close Skyrim and move to the next step.

_________________________________________________________________________________________
Preparing Skyrim for the deck:

1. On your PC, open steam and uninstall Skyrim. This will leave you with a Skyrim directory with only the mods and nothing else. (note: certain mods will break with this method, mostly mods that overwrite default textures/models. These aren't common but if you experience this, you can skip this step and proceed to step 2)
2. Open your Skyrim directory on PC and plugin your thumb/external drive.
3. Copy the entire "Skyrim Special Edition" folder to your thumb/external drive.

_________________________________________________________________________________________
Preparing the Deck for Skyrim:

1. On your Steam Deck, Install Skyrim normally. Run it at least once to make sure the prerequisites are installed..
2. Exit to desktop. To do this, long press the power button until a menu pops up with the option to 'switch to desktop".
3. Right click your desktop and select: "Create New>Folder". Name it "Skyrim Mods". This will be very important to save you headaches in the future.
4. Plug in your Thumb/external drive and mount and open it when prompted.
5. Open the "Skyrim Special Edition" folder from your thumb/external drive.
6. Copy "SkyrimSE.exe" and "skse64_loader.exe" to the "Skyrim Mods" folder you created on your desktop.
7. In the desktop folder, rename "SkyrimSE.exe" to "SkyrimSE_old.exe" and also rename "skse64_loader.exe" to "SkyrimSE.exe".
8. Right click inside the folder and select: "Create New>Text File" and name it "SKSE.ini".
9. Open "SKSE.ini" with your default text editor.
10. type the following into the "SKSE.ini" and save.

[Loader]
RuntimeName=SkyrimSE_old.exe

_________________________________________________________________________________________
Installing the mods and set up:

1. Open your Skyrim directory on your deck. If you don't know where that is, open Steam from the desktop taskbar, right click Skyrim and select: "Manage>Browse Local Content".
2. Open your thumb/external drive and copy the contents of "Skyrim Special Edition" to your decks "Skyrim Special Edition" folder. When prompted select "Write into". Wait for it to finish copying. You may now unplug the thumb/external drive.
3. Open your "Skyrim Mods" folder from your desktop.
4. Copy the "SkyrimSE.exe" and "SkyrimSE_old.exe" into the "Skyrim Special Edition" folder. Select "overwrite" when prompted.
5. Inside your decks "Skyrim Special Edition" folder open "DATA" and then "SKSE"
6. Copy your "SKSE.ini" file into the "SKSE" folder on the deck.
7. Double click the "Return to Gaming Mode" icon on the desktop and wait for it to load up.
8. Launch Skyrim and load the save you made on your PC. This will enable all your mods. Play for at least 30 mins and try as many menus and mods as you can. If there are no issues, yay! Enjoy!

_________________________________________________________________________________________
Crashes, Broken Mods and other issues:
Problem: The game ran a validation check and now my mods aren't showing up.
Solution: This will happen from time to time. Switch to desktop mode. Open your "Skyrim Mods" folder and re-copy the SkyrimSE.exe file into the decks Skyrim folder. This is why we keep that folder around.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Problem: The game seems to missing one or more textures.
Solution: Start with a validation check (then follow previous problems solution). If that doesn't work it would appear that one or more of the mods you are using overwrite one or more of the games textures. Unfortunately you'll need to start again while skipping the uninstall of Skyrim step. This will create a much larger file transfer size but should fix the problem.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Problem: The game crashes when I open menus or while looting or some mods are broken or not showing up. All other issues.
Solution: This one is a bit of a doozy. So most likely what is happening is your mod load order is out of whack. There is a fix but it can be very time consuming depending on how many mods you have installed. With the 77 I have it took about an hour.
On your PC open "C:\Users\USERNAME\AppData\Roaming\Vortex\skyrimse\profiles" where "USERNAME" is your name you sign into your PC with. Inside that folder there should be another folder named randomly. Open that and inside will be a text file called "loadorder.txt". Open that.
On your steam deck load Skyrim and when the main menu loads select "Creations". When it loads, press the "Y" button to configure the load order. Here you will find all your installed mods.
What you are going to want to do is cross reference the load order from the "loadorder.txt" with the load order you are seeing in Creations on the deck. You can reorder the list in creations by using "LB" while highlighting the mod you want to move. For me, it was very wrong and caused a lot of problems. This will fix all that.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
That should be all. If you have any questions or issues that I didn't cover, please leave a comment.

TLDR; After trying EVERYTHING I reduced stimulants to promote rest and digest and reduced sugar to limit bacterial infections Would like honorary phd for this ten year $100k research project “Fine” now 🥹 ?
Full story: I have had eczema since 8 months old. Cats and dust allergy and sweat/heat induced. It was no biggie. An antihistamine and the occasional topical OTC steroid cream - easy peasy.
Fast forward, I’m 24. I started getting really hot and red in my face. Can’t tolerate heat at all. My eczema was flaring non stop like crazy. Had it in places I never had before, eye lids, neck. Couldn’t sleep I was so itchy. Had restless leg wtf could only sleep every second day
Saved up for an allergist and started doing desensitisation treatments, bactroban in the nose, and the nurse secretly told me I could take up to 6 antihistamine pd and switch between a few brands
My skin got so bad the doctor wouldn’t let me have the injections anymore Doctor offered me lyrica and prednisone. I was so far gone the prednisone did NOTHING . They literally told me “I can’t help you anymore please don’t come back”
My skin was now flaking bad, like I was turning into sand. Scratch , weep, scab, flake, repeat. Folliculitis all over my legs. I was itchy every waking hour. I slept in a bathtub for 6 weeks getting 1 hour sleep while working full time wearing cream and barrier cream under full body bandages. Found out about TSW and related
Ended up in hospital with a golf ball sized boil in my eyebrow. IV antibiotics cleared up the infection but still itchy. Was told it was the type of antibiotic they don’t give out unless you’re about to die .
Finally saved up and waited 3 months to see a dermatologist. She said option 1. Cancer drugs (assuming an immunosuppressant?) 2. Light therapy
I chose 2. Not sure what it did but I got a nice tan I also tried EVERYTHING short of sacrificing small animals and children during an eclipse . Spent $$$$ laser hair removal, chiro, naturopath , special elixirs, creamssss , dottera, hcl tablet, bleach then peroxide baths, condys crystals, iron, avene, acupuncture, fungicide, silk sheets, plain tooth paste, shower water filter , digestive enzymes, magnesium, tar, charcoal poultice, drink clay powder, activated grains, keffir , blood type diet, psychology, relaxation , Chinese herbs, vitamins, shaman ritual with eagle feather (not joking). Taking showers scared me because of the excruciating pain of open wounds everywhere. Tried swimming in the ocean. Felt like being set of fire but I was wrong. Had a bath with a bit of tea tree oil. Ah, NOW I know what it feels like to be set on fire (creepily got itching relief from the pain Ala black mirror).
Nothing working So I quit literally everything I ate except 30 INGREDIENTS (1 water, 2 salt , etc) on the combined advice of three eczema books Eczema slowly improving Reduced it further to having nothing but one fruit smoothie per day for SIX MONTHS “because fruit is healthy” (and eating one celery stick was too depressing ). Somehow lost no weight . Was getting better but still red and hands still looked like dinosaur skin. I
An energy healer told me it was fruit. lol. Stopped eating the smoothies and skin was better in 1 week. Redness/heat tolerance didn’t improve. Still have restless leg
Flakes and infections came back every year. Back in hospital with another golf ball boil when I’m 30. Goes away Flares again a year later
Had emotional crisis and got Valium from doctor . Magically healed! Stop Valium (not a fan) Heat intolerance recurs. Frequent flare up Try medical cannabis . Fine for a while then I adapted again like the Borg
This year (I’m 34, with 1 year of a biomed degree under my belt) I hear about anticholinergic syndrome and relate. I quit drinking tea and coffee (rip ☠️ switched to chicory root) or taking antihistamines.
Redness going away Heat tolerance improving Eczema disappeared Been healthy??? for 6 weeks Wish me luck 🍀
Sorry this post is so long , tried to condense a 10 year journey of misery as short as possible. hope this helps someone

____________________________________
Last Week's List: https://www.reddit.com/RocketLeagueEsports/comments/1cm2dk0/our_top_100_pro_players_apr_29may_5_update/
Last Standings of Split 1: https://www.reddit.com/RocketLeagueEsports/comments/1c56gss/our_top_100_pro_players_2024_splitmajor_1_last/
22-23 Season Last Standings: https://www.reddit.com/RocketLeagueEsports/comments/16gfxlt/our_top_100_rlcs_players_2223_season_last/
____________________________________
A summary of the main criteria I'm using as I update this list:

• 1st: Good Consistency >> Peak and Floor (the main purpose of this list is to rank the good individual consistency of players, whether in games with his teammates, random people, or solo. What I mean by good consistency is a set of several factors that tell me, in my view, whether what the player is doing is normal or is he reaching his ceiling/floor, such as making fewer mistakes, being more confident in plays, having a balance between individual plays and team plays, not straying too far from his defined playstyle, all this over several games, among other factors)
• 2nd: Majors/Other Lans > Online (It's obvious that any RLCS player's goal is to win Majors and finish far in Worlds, so presumably they will put more focus and effort into these events than anything else, which is why I put the performance that players result in Lans as a priority above online events, in addition to having external factors such as the nervousness of playing at a Lan because of the crowd or other reasons, which might affect the performance and consistency of a player, are also important factors that might change the performance of a player)
• 3rd: Worlds >> Majors/Other Lans (Worlds is like Lans, only with more risk and reward, so every good or bad performance in it will change a player's placement with more weight than any other criteria, and not only will it change at the moment, but if a team or individual players perform excellently at Worlds, their ranking will be harder to drop for some time, even though this can sometimes result in a player who currently doesn't perform as expected to be quite high on the list because they won Worlds or performed well in it, but in my opinion I see that as I assume that the ultimate goal of many players is to win at least one Worlds, many players will put their all into achieving this, so they will be at their best overall performance, thus making me have to put them very high those who have good performance in it. And note that at no point do I specify that I use team result as a factor in changing player ranks, with the exception of winning Worlds. This is because for me an individual player can often be performing well but his team is not, so I try first to see how the players on that team acted as a group and as individuals, impartial to the outcome of that match)
• 4th: 3v3 > 1v1 > 2v2 (As I want to compare players on their individual overall performances, I also use the performance of those who practice the other main game modes, even though they are not official modes in RLCS, 1v1 and 2v2. This may seem unfair, as there are numerous players on the list who do not practice, or are not seen practicing, the other game modes, but in these situations I do two things: first, that player will have some disadvantage because of this on my list, even if he is having more success and results at RLCS 3v3 than a player who practices all modes but has a better current overall than him. Second, I try to either base how that player who only focuses on RLCS would perform in 1s and 2s with the way he plays, which isn't easy but since I just use my opinion without seeing a lot of stat numbers it's not so hard to just imagine, or I just do it as a imaginary balance, if that player is very consistent in 3v3 but doesn't play other modes, that player will have his overall compensated for his performance in that game mode, as it happens with RLCS players who are extremely good at 1s but do not have significant recent results on RLCS)
• 5th: RLCS > Unofficial Events (the same reasons used in the Majors and Worlds criteria can be used here as well, such as the importance of the event having more influence, the material and mental value of good performance, etc.)
• 6th: My Opinion = Our Opinion (peoples comments - and PMs - and my views on the week have the same weight, so everyone is free to say their opinion and we'll debate and make the changes that were decided)

____________________________________
The List (13th of the Season):

1. 🟰🇫🇷 Zen 👑
2. 🟰🇫🇷 Vatira
3. 🟰🇺🇸 Firstkiller
4. 🔻🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Rise (-1)
5. 🔻🇫🇷 Seikoo (-1)
6. ⬆️🇺🇸 BeastMode (+1)
7. ⬆️🇲🇦 Itachi (+2)
8. 🟰🇧🇪 Atow
9. 🟰🇸🇦 Trk511
10. ⬆️🇺🇸 Daniel (+1)
11. 🟰🇫🇷 M0nkeyM00n
12. 🟰🇫🇷 Alpha54
13. ⬆️🇺🇸 Atomic
14. 🟰🇫🇷 Juicy
15. 🟰🇸🇦 Rw9
16. ⬆️🇸🇦 Nwpo (+2)
17. 🔻🇫🇷 ExoTiiK
18. 🟰🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 ApparentlyJack
19. ⬆️🇲🇦 Dralii (+3)
20. 🟰🇸🇦 Kiileerrz
21. 🟰🇧🇷 Yanxnz
22. 🟰🇺🇸 Chronic
23. ⬆️🇺🇸 Lj (+5)
24. ⬆️🇫🇷 Radosin (+1)
25. 🟰🇧🇷 Lostt
26. 🟰🇵🇱 Oski
27. 🟰🇪🇸 Crr
28. 🟰🇧🇷 Drufinho
29. ⬆️🇺🇸 Hockser
30. ⬆️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Joyo (+1)
31. 🟰🇪🇸 AtomiK
32. ⬆️🇺🇸 Chicago (+2)
33. 🔻🇨🇱 Reysbull
34. 🟰🇲🇦 Nass
35. ⬆️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Noly (+1)
36. ⬆️🇳🇱 Joreuz
37. 🔻🇺🇸 Ayyjayy
38. 🟰🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Archie
39. ⬆️🇨🇦 JKnaps (+1)
40. 🟰🇺🇸 Retals
41. 🟰🇸🇦 Ahmad
42. ⬆️🇧🇷 Kv1
43. ⬆️🇸🇦 Smw (+3)
44. 🟰🇺🇸 Cheese
45. 🟰🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Kash
46. 🔻🇺🇸 Arsenal
47. ⬆️🇵🇹 AcroniK
48. ⬆️🇺🇸 Justin
49. 🔻🇪🇸 Dorito
50. ⬆️🇺🇸 Comm
51. 🔻🇺🇸 Majicbear
52. ⬆️🇧🇷 Diaz
53. 🟰🇸🇦 M7sn
54. 🔻🇪🇸 Stizzy
55. ⬆️🇧🇷 Nxghtt (+4)
56. 🟰🇧🇷 Motta
57. 🟰🇸🇦 Okhalid
58. ⬆️🇺🇸 LionBlaze (+2)
59. 🔻🇺🇸 Evoh
60. 🟰🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Eekso
61. ⬆️🇺🇸 2Piece
62. ⬆️🇧🇷 Swiftt (+3)
63. 🟰🇦🇷 Ajg
64. ⬆️🇩🇪 Rezears
65. ⬆️🇺🇸 Paarth (+2)
66. 🔻🇩🇪 Tox
67. 🔻🇧🇷 Droppz
68. 🟰🇺🇸 Wahvey
69. ⬆️🇦🇹 Ivn (+1)
70. ⬆️🇧🇷 Aztromick
71. 🟰🇺🇸 Andy
72. 🟰🇪🇸 MaRc_By_8
73. 🔻🇳🇱 Oaly
74. 🟰🇧🇷 Brad
75. ⬆️🇺🇸 Zineel
76. 🟰🇩🇪 Catalysm
77. 🔻🇧🇪 AztraL
78. ⬆️🇧🇷 Sad
79. 🟰🇦🇺 Amphis
80. ⬆️🇦🇺 Bananahead
81. 🔻🇺🇸 GarrettG (-2)
82. ⬆️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 Creamz (+1)
83. 🔻🇧🇷 Caard
84. ⬆️🇧🇷 Bemmz (+2)
85. ⬆️🇺🇸 Frosty (+3)
86. ⬆️🇦🇺 Fever (+1)
87. ⬆️🇺🇸 Aqua (+2)
88. 🟰🇸🇦 T7LM
89. ⬆️🇪🇸 TehQoz (+1)
90. 🔻🇺🇸 Mist
91. ⬆️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 RelatingWave (New)
92. ⬆️🇧🇷 Wisty
93. 🟰🇦🇺 Superlachie
94. 🟰🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Rehzzy
95. 🟰🇺🇸 Reveal
96. 🔻🇺🇸 Aris
97. ⬆️🇺🇸Percy (New)
98. 🟰🇦🇺 Torsos
99. 🟰🇺🇸 Gyro
100. 🟰🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Toxiic

(⬆️): Rising, (🔻): Falling, (🟰): No Direct Change
____________________________________
Recent Notes:
• Out of the List: 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Growlii and 🇺🇸 Fiv3Up 😰
• 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 RelatingWave re-enters the list in place of 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Growlii 👏
• 🇺🇸Percy re-enters the list in place of 🇺🇸 Fiv3Up 👏
• 🇧🇷 Wisty and 🇺🇸 Aris swap places
• 🇦🇺 Bananahead and 🇺🇸 Mist swap places
•🇧🇷 Sad and 🇧🇷 Caard swap places
• 🇺🇸 Zineel and 🇧🇪 AztraL swap places
• 🇧🇷 Aztromick and 🇳🇱 Oaly swap places
• 🇩🇪 Rezears and 🇧🇷 Droppz swap places
• 🇺🇸 2Piece and 🇩🇪 Tox swap places
• 🇧🇷 Diaz and 🇺🇸 Evoh swap places
• 🇺🇸 Comm and 🇪🇸 Stizzy swap places
• 🇺🇸 Justin and 🇺🇸 Majicbear swap places
• 🇵🇹 AcroniK and 🇪🇸 Dorito swap places
• 🇧🇷 Kv1 and 🇺🇸 Arsenal swap places
• 🇳🇱 Joreuz and 🇺🇸 Ayyjayy swap places
• 🇺🇸 Hockser and 🇨🇱 Reysbull swap places
• 🇺🇸 Atomic and 🇫🇷 ExoTiiK swap places
____________________________________
Top 5 Rising and Falling Players (Past Two Updates):
Fastest ⬆️

• 1st: 🇦🇺 Bananahead +9
• 2nd: 🇧🇷 Diaz +7
• 3rd: 🇺🇸 Aqua, 🇺🇸 Comm and 🇸🇦 Smw +6
• 4th: 🇺🇸 Frosty, 🇺🇸 Justin and 🇧🇷 Kv1 +5
• 5th: 🇵🇹 AcroniK, 🇺🇸 Firstkiller, 🇲🇦 Itachi, 🇦🇹 Ivn, 🇺🇸 Paarth, 🇩🇪 Rezears, 🇧🇷 Sad and 🇧🇷 Wisty +4

Fastest 🔻

• 1st: 🇺🇸 Evoh -11
• 2nd: 🇧🇷 Caard and 🇺🇸 Mist -9
• 3rd: 🇳🇱 Oaly -7
• 4th: 🇺🇸 Majicbear -6
• 5th: 🇺🇸 Aris, 🇪🇸 Dorito, 🇫🇷 ExoTiiK and 🇸🇦 Okhalid -5

____________________________________
Average Top 10 Teams (as of player rankings this week):

1. Karmine Corp 🇫🇷🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇧🇪 - (4.6) 🔻
2. Gentle Mates 🇫🇷🇲🇦 - (8.6) ⬆️
3. G2 Stride 🇺🇸 - (9.6) ⬆️
4. Vitality 🇫🇷 - (12.3) ⬆️
5. Gen.G 🇺🇸🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 - (14.3)
6. Team Falcons 🇸🇦 - (14.6) 🔻
7. Team BDS 🇫🇷🇲🇦 - (15.6) 🔻
8. Furia 🇧🇷 - (24.6) 🔻
9. Spacestation 🇺🇸 - (28) ⬆️
10. Oxygen Esports 🇵🇱🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 - (31.3)

____________________________________

Hey everyone, I’ve finally turned to the Reddit community. I’m not sure where’s the best place to post this but there is an element of GERD and is very likely and a root cause for at least a large portion of it so will try here first. Apologies for how lengthy it is.
I’m a M38, obese through childhood and young adulthood, hypertension since teens that was treated with metoprolol (had palpitations as well) and even high cholesterol that was finally treated with statin in early twenties. Around the age of 25 I took last 2 years to lose about 150 pounds going from 360 to 210, (all natural from diet and exercise).
Shortly after this, I started getting one side numbness and tingling, rate headaches, and sometimes along with or separately bouts of chest pain and palpitations, sweating, hot flashes, left shoulder pain, arm pain, dizziness. This lead to a decade long investigation that lead to no real solution. Countless stress tests, echo/ekg, holters, blood work, head and neck MRIs, dopplers, EEGs, etc, no real diagnosis was made. The only thing that change was about 2 years after switched from metoprolol to losartan, as it was more appropriate now after the weight loss, which a doc thought was just the right thing to do and had no explanation for my symptoms otherwise. No more rate control since 2015.
Ultimately, after 10 years of this… For the neurological symptoms, it was a deemed hemiplegic or basilar migraines, with aura, with or without headache. I was told hey, it hasn’t killed you yet, so that alone tells us at least it’s not fatal. For the cardiac symptoms, anxiety or some type health anxiety, or something in the psych realm was deemed the culprit. I was told it’s best you ignore it, or jump on a medley of different drugs, which I was told likely won’t benefit me. Imagine having to live with all this, and being told by doctors to essentially ignore it all. I asked the crucial question, at least to me, that I’ll go ahead and listen to their advice, but what is my threshold? At what point am I to rush to an ER? Most people would run to one if they had these symptoms, as neuro could be stroke, and cardiac could be heart attack. They had no answer for this. After this decade long hunt, I spent a year in misery, personal issues, my blood pressure medications was doubled in dose after a breakup, then doubled again 2 weeks later (it was stressful), all during Covid year 2020. Unfortunately over the decade I slowly gained back 100 of the weight I had lost. Back 290 pounds. During this year I lost 30 of it again, down to 260 In 2021, I had pretty crazy bout of chest pain, and was offered do a coronary CTA, came back completely clean. No obstruction at all in vessels, and zero calcium score. This was reassuring enough to me at least cardiac wise I can rest easy(to some degree). For the neuro side, CGRP antagonist was on the table to try, but it would just be throwing medications at it, along with gabapentin and topamax as options. The latter were tried, but were not tolerated at all. In 2022, I had my first bout with covid, moderate, it left its lingering symptoms (which are hard to discern as I had a large amount of the symptoms of long covid for years before this too) An endoscopy was done. As a GI doc said since you’ve been having such a long list of symptoms for so long, let’s explore the GI route since you’ve ruled out the rest from what it seems. Endoscopy found a small hiatal hernia. And the trail went cold. Can a small one perhaps cause such symptoms?
Which brings us to the most current situation. March of 2023 I decided to do the stationary bike, high resistance and high effort for 30 minutes with HR at about 130, then 5 more minutes I ramped up effort even more to HR of 150. Towards the last minute or two o started getting chest pain. I obviously should have stopped but I figured hey I get some type of pain like this time to time let’s just hit the 35 minute mark. Big mistake.
When I stopped, the pain persisted. And took a while to get better. Like an hour or so. And it felt different than anything I’ve felt before. Felt radiating to arm and jaw. By nightfall it was fine, next morning it all started again when I got out of bed. I wish I had gone to ER so at least they’d run some tests on the spot. I contacted my cardiologist, who I saw four days later. He said there’s nothing to be done, even though I told him these are different symptoms, and seem to come from exertion. He offered me a repeat of the CT or a trip to the cath lab. I let him decide and he went with CT since it was non invasive.
2 weeks later I got the test done, and this time they found a 10% Non calcified plaque in the proximal LAD, the calcium score still zero. He said this doesn’t explain your symptoms, but since we have evidence of CAD, you have to be put on aspirin 81. Additionally, he offered Ranexa, as he thought maybe this could be microvascular disease. Ultimately he did not believe this to be new and different like I’ve been saying and jumbled it all into the last 15 years or so. No enzymes got tested, which I really wish had been.
*****I now had this exertional left arm pain, wrist pain on the outside, numbness, chest pain, pressure, dizziness, jaw pain, pain behind left ear, left side of neck headache, bouts of nausea and sweating, shortness of breath even. This was all way worse than what I used to deal with. And different too
My pcp advised against his trial medicine, as it has a very little success and plenty of adverse effects. Days past by, no improvement, I’m getting these symptoms on the daily. An incident 3 months later in summer after swift walk to the car after eat a large cookie (I include that because maybe it was GI?). For hours I felt tingly in the chest, light headed, just confused. My girlfriend even noticed I just seemed out of it. Chest felt tight and painful. It eventually got better many hours later.
Mid summer I went for a pulmonary consult, at my doc’s behest, only for this doc to rush me to an er on suspicion of an aortic dissection. They did a full CTA of head neck chest abdomen and pelvis….. nothing but unnecessary radiation and contrast exposure.
Late summer I had a week of sweating and light headed ness, now 6 months out from the exercise incident from March. I went to another cardiologist, who had no idea why my pressure was suddenly 90/60 (literally no changes have been made). I was told to cut my medication dose in half. Could this be due to the contrast from the CT earlier??
He ordered a stress test, my first one since then, which came back subpar 6-7 minutes only but I did hit the target rate. I may have called quits 1 minute or 2 early as I saw my blood pressure skyrocketing. It was considered a normal test regardless. That night I had the worst left arm pain lasting hours, but I was told there’s no explanation. I did start getting very intense headaches, ones that I still get
Interestingly, 1 month later, my blood pressure was suddenly now high, 150/80. Suddenly. no explanation why it was low then, and none for why it’s high now. We went back to regular dose of the medication.
I got a neuro consult again to see if it could all connect, autonomic testing was done for dysautonomia, came back normal. Back to Square 1 again.
In the fall of 2023 I tried a bout of PPI as all docs were pushing for this , nothing changed, but it did help with the occasional heartburn I got. I even gave a month try to benzodiazepine as to rule out psych causes, and then tried an Ssri for 2 months. Nothing, other than sedation.
This new year I caved and started metoprolol again. I was told maybe it will help if it’s microvascular disease. It wasn’t exactly indicated but at this point I was willing OT try it all. Initially it had some benefit I think, then dose was doubled in February but not much changed. I still take it presently, as my base HR had recently been higher than normal anyways.
In these last few months, all of this persists. And subjectively I think it’s getting worse. I’ve been feeling cold for months, but then feel like sweat at the same time (not drenched just clamy). Get bouts of nausea even at rest. All of the cardiac symptoms episodic pain dizziness with chest shoulder jaw back neck ear, etc all still there. Even from left arm it runs down like into the palm and pinky. I even get them during sex I just power through. Stressful moments also incite them. I cannot say for sure, but possibly food or spicy food can do it as well.
My cardiologists still believe nothing is new here, even though it feels completely different to me after that exercise incident. They suggest coping as is, or going in for another coronary CTA, or finally take a trip to a cath lab. Essentially they say objectively they see nothing, but if I keep complaining those are the best routes.( I was offered nitro as well but scared to take it) My neuro says unlikely they are related, but it they could be to the possible migraines. At least the new headaches. There’s some possible link with migraine and chest pain. Only way to know is try a cgrp. He’s going with Qulipta. My GI doc says it could be vagus nerve related, and/or esophageal, so let’s try a TCA, amitriptyline. I’ve also been suggested to try a higher dose of Xan.
——— I have no idea which trail to follow????
My labs are normal, -except CRP (I believe around 40 if I recall correctly) which is often elevated, -hsCRP of 1.8 which was moderate risk category, -and CPK which is often high as well around 400 but my docs blame it on statin use or maybe exercise (idk about that no one entertains it as cardiac but they must have their reasons)
I really don’t want to sit on all this and find out later I didn’t take the action necessary. I’m afraid of something serious happening. And daily this is interfering with my life.
My concern is maybe during that exercise I did something. Initially was concerned about damage from really high blood pressure during, coronary dissection maybe? Something else damaged? Or something missed? Did I make something worse? Does anyone think it’s all related to my past symptoms?
What could have happened with this exercise incident??
Any input, advice, suggestions, similar stories, appreciated.
If you made it this far. Thank you so much for reading. Take care.

The Hyperdunk 2011 is undoubtedly the pinnacle of its series.

Upon wearing them, I, with my narrow feet, low arches, and flat feet, found the size 45 to be a perfect fit. The sizing is true, and the shoe last is standard. The shoe exhibits a remarkably bouncy feel when stationary, with a noticeable upward tilt in the forefoot and strong rolling sensation. Trust me, it's incredibly comfortable, almost as if you can't feel the upper at all. The upper is super light, while the sole provides ample support.
Cushioning: 9/10
Featuring full-length foam, forefoot and heel Zoom Air cushioning, and a conscientious carbon fiber midsole plate, the cushioning setup is top-notch. While the forefoot landing may not be as dramatic as the AJ32, it still offers a premier underfoot sensation. As a 160-pounder, I feel no jarring impact in the heel whatsoever. Highly recommended for those who prefer soft and responsive cushioning.
Lockdown: 9/10
After tightening the laces, the sensation is akin to holding apples in a net – secure without feeling overly constricted. There's a magical quality to how the shoe keeps your foot in place, ready to protect you when danger arises. Perhaps it's because of my narrow feet and low arches, so I'd recommend it more to those with wide feet and high arches. The lack of arch pressure and suitability for flat feet make it a comfortable option. The lockdown sensation is just right – neither too tight nor too loose.
Traction: 10/10
The herringbone pattern on the outsole is iconic for a reason – its grip is textbook. When making moves on the court, it's on par with the traction style of the Nike Kobe series, offering stability akin to foil on porcelain. I'd give it a perfect score without hesitation.
Breathability: 8/10
With TPU mesh in the forefoot, it may be slightly less breathable than the standard version. However, the ventilation on both sides is excellent, ensuring sweat management after a game.
Lateral Support: 9/10
With a balanced forefoot center of gravity, sturdy upper, and Nike's signature lateral support design, the risk of rolling over is significantly reduced. Ultimately, it depends on your ankle strength.
Integration of Shoe and Foot: 10/10
The reasonable forefoot tilt and natural flex point, along with the supportive air cushioning and carbon plate, provide explosive first-step power. It's like being a rabbit, darting across the court without fatigue. The movement feels seamless and fluid, allowing for relentless sprinting.
In summary, there's really nothing to fault in terms of on-court performance. Few shoes earn the title of "god-tier," but this one truly deserves it. It's perfect for lightweight players who value agility, mobility, and explosive performance. The balance between lightweight feel and durability is simply impeccable. As a basketball enthusiast, this shoe has truly impressed me.
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Socal based around IE, but i do travel to OC/LA occasionally, and will also be in SD for Comic Con. hoping to work out some trades.
[FT]
Japanese games:
Vivo (NIS)
Nokosu Dice 3e (NIS)
Yura Yura Penguin (NIS)
Nanatoridori (NIS)
Nana (NIS)
Cafe Overload Oink (NIS)
Trick & Snipers (NIS)
Anima Bistro (unplayed)
Rumble Nation Deluxe edition (NIS)
Bus & Stop (new Saashi and Saashi game)
Other games, with new additions on top:
Dwellings of Eldervale + minotaur
Spirit island + Branch and claw + Jagged Earth + Natures Incarnate + spirits from Horizon box + holographic spirits pack
Project Elite All in
Street masters aftershock plus extras (mended edges)
Burncycle
Oathsworn + armory + update kit
Oltree (NIS)
Hidden leaders + expansion
Grimm Forest
Demon worker
Marvel united All in for season 1, 2, plus cardboard materials, season 3 all in pledge incoming, partially painted, plus multiple/most promos.
Innovation + expansion (older edition with subjectively better art)
Adventure tactics
Skull + Promo set of coasters (which adds another player so can boost player count to 7)
Project L Collectors Box
Moonrakers Base - effectively base game but in kickstarter box Lord of the Rings LCG Plus fellowship of the ring saga plus a few other character expansions
The Initiative
Marvel champions heroes - Drax, wasp, quicksilver
Warps Edge
Jaipur (Old and new edition available)
Unmatched: Little red and beowulf
Azul + playmat
5 Minute Dungeon: Big box + expansion
5 minute marvel
Above and Below Kickstarter edition
Ancient World
Android: Netrunner
Arkham horror Card game Return to Dunwhich, forgotten age, and path to carcosa boxes
Atlantic STorm
ATtack on Titan: Deck Building game with hange promo character
Banned Words
Battlecon: Trials of indines
Battlecon: Complete Unleashed Kickstarter collection (one of the two boxes has an edge split)
Beagle or Bagel?
Bios: Megafauna 2nd edition (NIS)
Bloodborne: Card Game + exansion
Brick Party
Broom Service: card game
Capital City
Captains of the GUlf
Carnival Zombie: 2nd deluxe edition KS + expansion
Castle Panic (older edition)
Castles of Mad king ludwig: secrets
Clinic Deluxe edition plus expansion
Consentacle (NIS)
Demon Worker
Dice throne: Seraph vs vampire lord
Dice thrones promos
Disc Duelers
Disney Sorcerers Arena: Epic alliances (NIS)
Dragon Pets
Dungeon Raiders (newer edition)
Epic spell wars battle of the wizards: Skullzfyre and Tentakill boxes
Escape from the Aliens in Outer SPace
Escape: Curse of the Temple
Fantasy Realms
Favor of the Pharoah
Flatline
Forged in Steel
Fort + expansion
Frostpunk
Fugitive
Funkoverse Harry Potter
Galaxy defenders + elite alien army
THe Game
GAP
Goonies: never say die
Gretchinz!
Grifters
Hollow Cell (NIS)
Horse Fever
Ignite Kickstarter edition with centaurs: unpunched
ISS Vanguard +close encounters + personal files (NIS)
Ivanhoe
Junk Art
Kemomimi Panic + promos
The King is dead
Labyrinth
Level 7 [omega protocol] + expansion
March of the ants
Maters Trials: Wrath of Magmaroth (NIS)
Monster Slaughter + kickstarter content
Mottainai
New York Slice
Nuns on the Run
Of Dreams and Shadows + Monster within expansion
Omen: Reign of war + expansions ( tales of the ancients, gifts of the gods, fires in the east, edge of the aegean, and heir to the dunes, condensed into two boxes, some edge whitening)
Ouch!
Overseers
Pandemic: The cure + experimental Meds
Pocket Paragons: Origins
Rattaneer
Reckoners Kickstarter edition
Revolution!
Sagrada + multiple expansions (NIS)
Sidereal Confluence: 1st ed
Starcadia quest
Sons of Anarchy: Men of Mayhem
Space Gate Odyssey
Spirit Island (NIS)
Spyfall + Spyfall 2
Squirmish
Summoner wars: Master set + expansions
Tabannusi: Builders of Ur
Taj mahal (printed rulebook, one token replaced using the spare)
Tapeworm (NIS, KS edition i believe)
Terror Below
Time of Crisis: roman empire in Turmoil
Time stories: Revolution, hadal project
Tokyo Jidohanbaiki
Tragedy looper
Trailz
Vindication + leaders + promo pack + promo mini
Warriors of God: wars of england and france
Whistle stop
Wits and Wagers deluxe edition
Wok Star
Word Slam (NIS)
Wordsy
World of warcraft; wrath of the lich king
Xia: legends of a drift system + Embers a forsaken star
Zendo
Zombicide collection: zombicide, season 2 prison outbreak, box of zombies (Zombie dogz), toxic city mall Zombicide Black plague: + wulfsburg + zombie bosses condensed into base box (some edge splitting), and wooden organizer.
[W]
Loop
Diamonds
Astro knights eternity stuff
Buurn
Too many bones content - (I already have base game)
massive darkness 2 darkbringer box + druids
20 strong
7th citadel
Kinsfire chronicles
7 wonders expansions beyond armada.
7 Wonders architects
Heat: Pedal to the metal Wyrmspan
Zoo Vadis
Unsettled content beyond planet 4.
Other wants:
Last of us remake + Last of us 2 remake for ps5
Final fantasy rebirth
Vinyl Records Video game/anime themed