Celeb up skirt crotch shot uncut

Since you asked for it.
It started like this. It was late March, around the 29th or 30th. I was with my boy, chilling in the car, just chatting. Then I asked him about his colleague. The guy works in a hotel I frequent around Mombasa. So I told him to share the number of a certain chick so I could try my luck with her. I texted the chick, but she wasn’t online, so I decided to call her.
It was around 8 PM when I told her I wanted to buy her drinks, and she said okay, that she was at her friend’s place and would be there in an hour. So at around 9 PM, she called and told me she was around the club. I told her we should meet. I picked her up, and we headed to a different club that one was packed. We had drinks and shots, then went over to my place, and we had sex, proper sex.
Then this chick started crying, saying she doesn’t usually do this and doesn’t have sex on the first date. I was just there getting annoyed wondering wtf is this i have gotten my self into. I talked her down and convinced her we should go out again and get more drinks because I didn’t want any drama in my house. I used that as an excuse to get her back to her place. We went to another club, drank until around 3 AM, and I took her to her place. She insisted I come with her.
I had no choice. I sent my location to my pal, just in case anything went wrong(nyumba haulipi rent you cannot be comfortable sleeping apo). We went to her place, had sex, and slept. This went on for a few days. She would come to my place, we’d have sex, and she would leave around 6 AM because she was working.
One day, she said we should be friends with benefits (FWB) and just have sex because she didn’t have anyone at the moment and “feels” me at the moment . She said if she met someone else, we would break off our FWB relationship. I agreed, sikuona any issue in that no free sex any time who would say no.
However, it had been less than a week when she started calling me “babe” and texting all the time. I got tired of it. By mid-April, I traveled for work, which gave me some space from her. I didn’t call or answer her texts for a whole week. One time we talked and it was just casual, I asked her for some nudes and she sent some conversation ended apo.
When I got back, I wasn’t really feeling her. She kept calling and asking where I was. It seemed like she didn’t understand what FWB meant. So I decided to go to her place instead of having her come to mine. I bought a Gilbey’s and headed to her place. It was around 8 PM. We drank and had sex. Around 11 PM, I told her I wanted to leave because I had to work the next day.
She took the house keys and hid them. She started saying I should spend the night . Why I’m i going out this late kwani i just came for sex. TF bih yeees. I had to text my friend to call me and pretend he was arrested and was in nyali police so I come and bail him out. She still wouldn’t let me go. She went to bed, and I told her to open the door or i will break it. She eventually opened the door, and I left. I decided to ghost her completely.
She started texting and sending voice notes (VN), crying and saying I used her. I blocked her, but she started using her colleagues’ and friends’ numbers to call me. I wouldn’t answer.
One day, about a week later, I was in my place on a Sunday. I received calls from three new numbers around 10 PM, but I didn’t answer because I knew it was her. After some time, I heard someone opening my bedroom window. I got scared and ran to the kitchen to get a knife. When I returned to the bedroom, I heard some chick calling my name, asking me to open the door. Fuuck i was so furious after hearing her voice . Mind you it was raining outside.
I closed the locks on all windows and the curtains. I became scared because I didn’t know her intentions maybe she wanted to harm me ama just to come in I didn’t know. After about 30 minutes, I decided to check if she was gone. When I went out, she was sitting on the stairs. She looked drunk, wearing a short dress and just carrying her purse. I tried dragging her out, but she refused. I didn’t want any issues, so I left the gate open and went back to my house. I had to sleep in the guest bedroom because I couldn’t sleep in my bedroom i had to use the guest room nlikuwa naona ata anaeza washa moto nyumba yangu.
The next morning, I got ready for work. At around 6 AM, she was still sitting on the stairs with her short skirt, exposing her thighs. I can only imagine how the mosquitoes feasted on her and the way it was cold that night because of the rain. I took out my trash and went to work without speaking to her. I reported the incident to the police because I didn’t feel safe in my house. I even had to stay at a friend’s house for the week.
To date, she still texts using random numbers, but not as frequently as before. All this happened in less than two months. 🤦🏾 Women cant i just get a proper fwb who understands the principles of the agreement. Not calling me babe after one fuck session 😂

Hello fellow NV fans!
I come to you in an effort to (possibly) fix the near constant crashing of my NV.
It crashes around 30-40 minutes playing OR in specific areas wich I cannot go through, i.e. McCarran interior around Col. Hsu, The Mojave Outpost interior around Maj. Knight and Ranger Jackson.
I am aware that certain mods should be a no-go together like New California and TTW, for instance. My intention with adding specifically New California was cause I wanted a few specific armors and such.
Looking for any specific help or general directions and knowledge in this area.
PS: have lots of crash logs.
Thanks in advance.
Unmanaged: NewCalifornia DLC Control
Unmanaged: NewCalifornia Courier Stash Control
Unmanaged: NewCalifornia
Unmanaged: CM_Lighting_FNV
Unmanaged: CM Lighting DLC Support
Unmanaged: XP_Slower_300
Unmanaged: YUPTTW
JIP LN NVSE Plugin
AnhNVSE
UIO - User Interface Organizer
lStewieAl's Engine Optimizations
ShowOff xNVSE Plugin
JohnnyGuitar NVSE
M.U.X. Series - Weapon Icons
kNVSE Animation Plugin
JAM - Just Assorted Mods
M.U.X. Series - Interface Overhaul
MAPMO - Main and Pause Menus Overhaul
Enhanced Movement
New Vegas - Enhanced Camera
Diagonal movement
Blended Locomotion
M.U.X. Series - OX Toolkit
The Mod Configuration Menu
Depth of Field Fix - NVSE
FOV Slider
Vanilla UI Plus (New Vegas)
lStewieAl's Tweaks and Engine Fixes
Vanilla_UI_Extension
B42 Quickthrow - an alternative grenade hotkey mod
B42 Inspect - aka Animated Ammo and Weapon Condition Checking
WAP - F4NV .44 Magnum
B42 Melee Bash
B42 Descriptions aka Pip-Info
ISControl Enabler and Ironsights adjuster (now ESPless)
Improved Console (NVSE)
B42 Optics - ESPless
B42 Inject - Animated Item Use - ESPless
B42 Dropmag and One in the chamber
Vanilla Animations Weapon Scale Fix
KEYWORDS
B42 Loot - Animated Physical Item Pickup - ESPless
B42 Interact - Animated Items and Interactions Framework - ESPless
Hit - B42 Inject - Water Animations
Hit - B42 Interact Animation Pack
B42 FireMode - Selective Fire and First Shot Precision - ESPless
Hit - B42 Inject - Sunset Sarsaparilla Animations
Hit - B42 Inject Animation Pack - Season 1
Hit - B42 Inject - Assorted Items 1
WAP Hunting Rifle
BLEED TTW
WAP .45 Auto Pistol Series Replacer
Basic Console Autocomplete
Slower Backpedaling (NVSE)
Console Paste Support
Weapon Based Hands Clip Distance
Another Millenia
Another Millenia Gun Add-on
HIPControl - Weapon Idle Position Adjuster - ESPless
Deus Ex Weapon Spread
Hit - Millenia Animations - Part 2
FPS Weapon Lowering
IMPACT
TTW Another Interior Mod
Point Lookout Reborn TTW
TTW Reputations
More Perks
Project Reality Footsteps
Enemy AI - Tactics - NPC Healing
Weightless Ammo In Hardcore Mode
A Familiar Friend - Pip-Boy 2500 - Handheld Pipboy
Faster Sleep-Wait
Faster Main Menu
External Emittance Fix - NVSE
Fallout Alpha Rendering Tweaks - NVSE
Atmospheric Lighting Tweaks (Interior Lighting for FNV and TTW)
Viewmodel Shake Fix - NVSE
Iron Sights Aligned
Smooth True Iron Sights Camera
Unbreakable Armor and Weapons
Steady Hands Perk (Zero Spread and No Weapon Sway)
All Weapon Sound Overhaul Modern Edition Redone - AWSOMER
Lockable Locks
Aid Quick Menu
Tactical Gameplay Modifications
Realistic Weapons Damages - New Vegas
Immersive Hit Reactions - Makes Combat Responsive
Big Town Extensions
Realistic Headshot Damage
Root 'n Loot TTW
The Living Desert - Travelers Patrols Consequences Increased Population and more
Light Up and Smoke Those Cigarettes (and Cigars and Cigarillos)
Fallout NV Cheat Terminal Redux
FNV Mod Limit Fix
Delay DLC Redux
Ragdolls
Permanent Weapon Shells
Uncut Wasteland
KDS Portable Camp Stuff - NVSE
Micro Clutter
Rayek's Mini Hideout - TTW Conversion
Functional Post Game Ending
Realtime Weapon Modding System
Radiant Infinium - Endless Questing Framework
Real Recoil
Imps TimeScale Adjuster
Manual Reload and Ammo Memory
Weapon Mesh Improvement Mod
MoonlightNVSE
Detailed New Vegas - Westside
Detailed New Vegas - North Vegas Square
Combat Leather Jacket
Wasteland Looter Armour
Wasteland Combat Armor
Mercenary Armor
Alternate combat armor with sleeves
Sweet Consumables
Aid Addon - Medkits - Blood Draw - Bandages - Afterburner Gum - More
No Food or Chem weight
Inventory Saviour - Weightless Junk
Weightless New Vegas
Infinite Ammo (with reloading)
SUP NVSE
The N.V. Interiors Project
Dusty Distance Redone
Faster walk
NCR Trooper Overhaul_beta
Powder Ganger Rep Fix - Ghost Town Gunfight
Water Bottling Lite
Powder Ganger Overhaul
Tammer's NIF-Bashed Weapons Mega-Pack v6.0
Tammer's NIF-Bashed Armor Mega-Pack v5.0
Arsenal Weapon Overhaul - AR15 Family
WAP Sniper Rifle
WAP Single Shotgun
WAP Bozar and LMG
WAP 10MM SMG
WAP 9mm Pistol Remaster
WAP Automatic Rifle and .45 SMG
New Vegas Animation Overhaul Guns
TTW DC Flora Overhaul
Wasteland Flora and Terrain Overhaul
Meshes and Collision - Totally Enhanced Nifs (MAC-TEN)
Items Transformed - Enhanced Meshes (ITEM)
Improved AI (Navmesh Overhaul Mod)
Wasteland Flora and Terrain Overhaul (Patched)
Clarity - An Orange Tint Remover
Combat Lag Fix (NVSE)
Caravan Rifle
Waster Carbine
Light Battle Rifle
Laser Musket
AR-10 Battle Rifle
Heaven's Battle Rifle and This Machine Retextured
Tailor Maid - NV
Weapons In Casinos
TTW - Killable Children
Leather Armor MkI MkII
NMCs_Texture_Pack_For_New_Vegas
EXE - Effect teXtures Enhanced
Bullet Trails
bsp_textures
UHNV
FlashlightNVSE
yUI - User Ynterface
ySI - Sorting Ycons
ySI - Pick Up Prompts
Mauser M18
ySI - Assorted Fixes
Tactical Vests - with ammo pouches
Lore-Friendly Joshua Graham Armor Replacer
Combat Vests - Joshua Graham Armor Variants
Drags New Armor Pack
Modern Gunslinger Armor
NVRA - M1 Carbine
NS Weapons All in One
Checkpoint Carbine
Alternate Start -TTW
Character Kit Remake TTW Facegen
WAR MiX
Perk Every Level
TTW Caravan Guard
Caravan Guard - Remastered
Casino Crowds
Atomic Wrangler Enhanced
Westside Reputation
Primm Reputation Restored
TTW Casino Areas (Wasteland Gambling)
TTW The Regulators
TTW - More Map Markers
TTW New Vegas Speech Checks
KNVSE Animation Mega Patch for Tammer's Weapons
Sound Extender
JSRS Sound Mod 2.0
JSRS 2.0 - Tammer's Nif-Bashed Weapons Patch
Beyond Boulder Dome
Medic Companion
Casino Blackjack Tables
Higher Casino Bets - Jackpot Limit and Chips Exchange
Lime's Old Mormon Fort Overhaul
TTW - Bypass Tranquility Lane RE-UPLOAD
Windows of the Mojave
JIP Companions Command and Control
JIP CCC HD icons
Overwrite

1. A lot of chickens and roosters, I loved it, but I could see how that maybe living there it might get annoying?
   
2. The parakeets or whatever bird invasive to the island that roosts in the evening and the morning are maddening. I bet one gets used to it, but damn it was wild enough to where I couldn't sleep in no matter how many I tied on the night before.
   
3. Saw 18 turtles on Poipu beach one of the nights, it was really cool, but I felt such anger and irritation at some of my fellow tourists for how disrespectful they were being. Flash photography, going passed the barriers when the ranger dude was distracted, cutting turtles coming in off in the water with their snorkels to get a cool gopro shot, scaring some away. It made me have dark fantasies of a wayward Tiger Shark, one pursuing a tired turtle maybe, turning its attention on to Linda and her little crotch goblins harassing the turtles in the water - now that is gopro footage I would watch.
   
4. The Na Pali Coast tour was way cooler than I initially gave it credit for, it was an awesome way to see the coast and the snorkeling was great. Saw Spinner Dolphins and Turtles.
   
5. The breeze blowing through at night was so magical, it's living rent-free in my head.
   
6. The shaved ice/shave ice we had was just plain shaved ice with syrup that I had growing up, nothing special - HOWEVER, the ice cream beneath - namely the macadamia nut ice cream, was divine.
   
7. Kauai is expensive, y'all.
   
8. I expected some subtle shade from the locals towards us tourists, but the locals were so awesome and friendly and helpful, kudos to you all for not being annoyed and jaded when you have every right to be.
   
9. Waimea canyon drive and lookouts were pretty awesome, I grew up by the Grand Canyon and have spent a lot of time in and around it, but your canyon is very impressive and beautiful, wish I had more time to actually do some hiking.
   
10. The roads/traffic is interesting. Single-lane bridges, slow slow mph, narrow roads and so many blind turns, but the drives were incredibly scenic.
    
11. Poke food scene is incredible.
    
12. Keoki's paradise ended up being our favorite "spendy" restaurant, surprised me too. The other expensive places were way overrated. However, the Hula Pie is overrated and is just a giant block of vanilla ice cream, nothing special. The Mai Tais are fantastic, so is any of the fish dishes.
    
13. I love how it rains for like 1-5 minutes and then is back to sunny or normal.
    
14. Played disc golf at Lydgate and up at Princeville, so beautiful, but so very windy. Still 100% recommended for disc golfers to check out.
    
15. Just buy sunscreen on the island.
    
16. Don't be like us, start booking stuff waaaayyy ahead of time. We missed out on a waterfall hike and the river tubing like idiots because we waited until mere weeks before our trip.
    

Overall 4.5/5 would visit again after building up necessary funds. I have been to this island and also the big island, and Kauai is the crown jewel so far.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
"That... Would certainly be appreciated. She's just outside."
And so, the two aspects of Atrosa, Logos and Celia, exit the medbay and fix up Chaos Meld, bringing it into proper working condition.
Max: "Ready for another drive, honey?"
Rachnia: "As I'll ever be."
Celia approaches Talios after finishing the repairs of Chaos Meld.
"I went ahead and threw in a tune-up for the Mana-Thrusters, it should use a bit less mana for flight mode now."
"Alright, thank you."
Chaos Meld: "All systems repaired and operational. Ready for combat, Pilot."
Finally, Max and Rachnia re-enter their mech, Weaver Of Fates. As the two enter and connect, the same thing happens as before. The cables attached to Max turn gold. Though this time, Rachnia's do too. A purple spider web pattern spreads across both their cables.
"All systems operational. Driver sync at 200%. The Weaver of Fates is ready for Combat."
"To protect and preserve, to carve a path for others to walk on, to weave the fate for the future, we stand and fight. Eldritch one. You've made your last mistake."
A large sword appears in one of the weaver's hands. It's alot like the one the Apostate of Misfortune wields, a form of Max very view of have gazed upon.
The Titanic Abomination in the distance can be seen wrestling with Aoi's projection. It seems to be overpowering even for the the Oni, but she has managed to hold her own against it. Jean can be seen flying overhead, using layers of defensive spells to buff and empower her.
Aoi: "YOU THINK YOU'RE HOT SHIT HUH? SARAH, BLAST EM!"
the beam of the Polyphemus aims straight for the beast's left eye, to try to distract it.
Cerne's silver swords are stuck in her own projection, like daggers in her back. Not out of hostility, but to enrage and empower.
Talios places a hand on Chaos Meld's ankle, and is warped into the cockpit.
"Switching to manual controls. Welcome back Pilot."
Chaos Meld pulls out it's greatsword, but it quickly changes into a different form. A war hammer.
《Mana-Drain Thrusters: 30%》
Immediately, Chaos Meld dashes in and attempts a powerful overhead strike on the abomination.
The blade of the Weaver Of Fates grows as the weaver takes hold if it with all four arms. A gigantic and ornate greatsword.
"To destroy those who wish for destruction, to end those who wish for annihilation. We turn their desired fates to their own selves. Face us, XYLFAPSAVEI, and die your final, fated death."
The thrusters on it's back and it's legs activate, burning white hot. It dashes forward at breakneck speeds, going for an upper cut to match Talios' strike.
The Titanic being Towers above everything, it's head nearly a full kilometer in the air. As Talios flies overhead and strikes down with the warhammer, it is effortlessly deflected by some kind of powerful energy field, and the same happens with the beam from the Polyphemus and the Weaver's attack. The exposed Brain sitting in the carved out skull psychically laughs, mockingly.
"You fools don't stand a chance before the power of a true God!"
Everyone experiences a flood of information entering their minds. it is a map of the beast, with a plan of attack.
Atrosa: "The thing has Shield Generators built into it's body that we're gonna have to take care of first. Your going to need to use your mechs to get inside, then fight your way on foot to the generators!"
"Talios, You use Chaos Meld and try to get under it's left flank, there is a hollow metal panel there you should be able to break open with your antimagic punch. Weaver, I want y'all to evade as best as possible while charging that cannon of yours, and wait until my signal that Talios has brought down the first generator. The second one is located in the right shoulder, but it's very heavily armored."
Talios: "Got it."
《Mana-Drain Thrusters: 60%》
Chaos Meld's speed increases massively. It begins flying around the abomination, trying to find an opening to the hollow panel.
"Ironsides, Wait for my signal, and when I give the order I want you to dump everything you have into this things Groin. Trust me on this."
The Weaver Of Fates armour plating shifts forward, as it stands guard before the Ironsides, ready to deflect attacks.
"Ready when you are."
Talios manages to fly around to it's left flank, Jean assisting Aoi in getting the abomination to lift it's arm, exposing a worn panel protected by a barrier.
Chaos Meld: "Target acquired."
Chaos Meld immediately dashes in with a superman punch on the worn panel, the anti-magic in the Chaos Meld being much more volatile. It causes black sparks to surge from the point of impact, all the mana in the vicinity being consumed by the sparks, essentially destroying the mana entirely.
The punch collapses the barriers and crashes through the panel, exposing a hallway leading down into the depths of the creature. The cockpit of Chaos Meld opens up, and Talios tosses a Chaos dagger into the exposed hallway, swapping positions with it.
Chaos Meld retreats back after it's pilot has safely entered the beast.
"Switching to automatic mode. Good luck Pilot."
The shipkeeper of the Ironsides, Ferra, has been preparing a shield disrupting shot amidst all this.
Ferra: "Awaiting command, Paragon of Preservation!"
The tunnels leads deep down into the chest of the mechanical eldritch horror, and opens into a large room with a massive glowing crystal. Around it, 3 mindflayer mages are focusing on some kind of ritual. They have not noticed Talios yet.
Talios summons his Chaos Blade, and another Chaos dagger into his free hand. Quiet as a mouse, he moves behind one mage... And immediately stabs his Chaos Blade into the throat of the mage. He tosses the Chaos Dagger at another of the mages, the dagger striking it's throat. Two down.
The final Mindflayer, in a panic, attempts to use a Mind Blast on Talios. But due to not having an actual brain... It is ineffective.
Talios charges the last one, shoulder checking it to the floor and proceeding to bash it's head into the floor once. Twice. Thrice. Fourice. Firice... What am I saying... Finally, he stops.
Atrosa: "Talios, hit that mana crystal with an anti-magic strike. Max, as soon at it shatters, fire your weapon into it's right shoulder!"
Talios walks over to the mana crystal. He widens his stance, placing his left hand fingers square on the center of the crystal. He takes a deep breath. Focuses...
《One Inch Death Punch》
He closes his fist, moving his whole body into the punch in an instant. The anti-magic freezes the mana in the crystal, while the punch itself could probably do some serious damage as well.
The jets of the Weaver Of Fates flare up, the armour shifts back, and they ready it's titanic greatsword to strike.
The attack greatly destabilizes the Mana crystal powering the first layer shields, causing it to shatter into thousands of pieces.
Atrosa: "Now Max, blast that thing with the shot you've been charging up and get ready to jump it!"
The railcannon fires straight into it's shoulder, weakening it significantly. The disruptor rune weakens surrounding materials, disabling magic caught in the blast.
The Weaver grapples onto the beast's side and runs upwards, reaching it's shoulder. A wound, large enough to fit the Weaver was made in the abominations shoulder, and after passing the fleshy, decayed exterior, they find themselves standing in a large room, and on the other side of a massive barrier lies a huge, spherical core of energy radiating a sickening divine light.
Atrosa: "Weaver, use a Godslayer rune on that divine core, that will render it mortal. Talios, you get back to Chaos Meld and get ready to scram. This is gonna get messy."
"Got it."
Talios sprints out of the hallway, leaping straight out of the abomination. Putting full faith in Chaos Meld to catch him as he falls...
And she delivers, soaring in and catching him mid-air, immediately warping him back into the cockpit.
"Welcome back Pilot."
"Charging up railcannon, rerouting power from all defensive systems."
"Firing Godslayer rune!"
The cannon fires at near point-blank range, smashing right through the barrier and into the divine core. This causes the mana with it to become unstable and explode outwards, leaving a massive hole in the eldritch corpse's chest. The Weaver is protected from the blast by a powerful barrier.
Atrosa: "Alright, Y'all get out too. Ironsides, Dump everything you got into that things crotch!"
Ferra: "ALL CANNONS, FIRE ON IT'S GROIN!"
The mortars, anti-material cannons, and artillery batteries all focus fire on it's groin, as the Railcannon is almost finished charging a godslayer itself. Aoi's Wargod projection moves out of the way to avoid getting hit, while Sarah fires her cannon in tandem with the others.
The barrage begins impacting the abominations groin, causing the structures holding it's legs together to collapse. Without a leg to stand on, it comes toppling down, landing forwards in the water. The massive tank containing the Elder Brain shatters on impact, and the seawater begins to cause it to shreak in pain.
Chaos Meld was flying around it when the abomination fell. Seeing the Elder Brain exposed, it grabs A.M.A.R from it's shoulder mount, firing 10 anti-magic artillery rounds into the brain. It only stopped because it had to reload.
Without the magic animating the Eldritch corpse, it begins to turn to stone, rapidly becoming overgrown with moss and sea life.
Talios sees the village below while flying, and notices the villagers trying to flag him down. He obliges, Chaos Meld descending down, gradually slowing its descent with the mana-drain thrusters. Once it lands, the thrusters power off entirely and it kneels, placing a hand on the ground. Talios is warped onto the hand.
A large man with skin the color of brass walks up to Talios. Judging from the draconic wings and tail, it's easy to tell that this must be the Half-Dragon chieftain.
"Thank you so much, great warriors! You have saved our village, and we are forever in your debt."
Talios: "...Just doing our job as the Crimson Paragons, chief."
A title with little meaning now. But it's all that comes to mind. Talios doesn't want to take all the credit...
The Weaver Of Fates arrive near the village, Max and Rachnia disembarking.
Max: "Good day, chieftain. I've heard much about you from Empress Aubade."
Rachnia looks like she only did a light exercise, instead of experiencing the same strain as before. Them being in sync seems to have done them both a lot of good.
The townspeople begin to gather around to thank their saviors, and the Chief, the Brass Half-Dragon Velzas, walks up to Max.
"I've heard good things about you, Maximillian. We've been appreciative for ARMADAs assistance for quite some time, and now we are truly in your debt."
Talios is busy being greeted and thanked by the villagers, when a large Lamia woman approaces him silently from behind, and picks him up into a huge hug. She gets a little carried away though, and accidentally squeezes him so hard that he can feel his body crumpling in from the pressure.
Talios visibly tenses up when he feels the Lamia grab him, but he quickly relaxes. He feels... Strange. An emotion unfamiliar to him.
With this action... A seed was planted in his mind. A seed that would quickly turn into something greater.
Max: "I'm surprised you all even remembered it's aid from ARMADA at all. Not exactly a catchy name, after all. Just glad to see you're all doing well."
Velzas: "Don't worry about the damages, it is nothing compared to the devastation that you have prevented. We've been acting as a sanctuary for dislocated demihumans such as ourselves for some time, and that does put us in indirect contect with ARMADA from time to time. You have been doing a service for our community that the world has always sorely lacked, and to call it gratitude would be a disservice."
Max: "I'll have a crew sent before noon tomorrow to assist with reconstruction efforts, chief Velzas."
And with that, the alien invasion had been stopped. All was well in Lantica once more. And Talios sat down on his chair in the tavern, having finished his retelling of this story.
"I'm never entertaining things like this again."
He will.
((BUT WAIT, THERE'S BE MORE! IT'S A TWO FOR ONE SPECIAL TODAY ON LORE!))

Lifetime - Staked: 935.9u, Profit/Loss: +11.97u, ROI: 1.28%, Parlay Suggestions: 179-72 Dog of the Week: 13-19, Picks: 14-11 (56% accuracy)
2024 - Staked: 288.8u, Profit/Loss: -21.39u
As always, scroll down for UFC Vegas 93 Breakdowns. The following is just a recap of last event’s results.
~UFC Louisville (PREVIOUS CARD)~
Staked: 14.75u
Profit/Loss: -3.84u
Parlay Suggestions: 2-3
Dog of the week: Jared Cannonier ❌
Picks: 6-8
I just can’t seem to get it right on these fight night cards. Last night’s card certainly wasn’t great for me in terms of reads, but once again there was no luck on my side. The Rosas over 1.5 missed out by eight seconds, and obviously the Cannonier stoppage was widely regarded as contentious. I’m definitely going to be thinking about limiting my exposure to these kind of events, because I just can’t seem to make it work this year. I’ve got 28u profit on PPV cards this year, with 34% ROI. It’s time I paid attention to that and stopped losing money for fun on these low level competitions.
The goal for me is obviously going to break even by the end of the year, which is a miserable game to be playing, but one I believe I can achieve.
~UFC Vegas 93~
Woo, more Apex!
Worth re-iterating again that throughout the month of June I will be cutting a few corners regarding some fights I have no interest in betting. I’m on holiday the week I would otherwise be writing the UFC 303 McGregor write up, and I obviously don’t want to miss my usual Sunday release…so I am working hard to get ahead of schedule and get it all ready for before I fly.
Let’s get into it.

~Alex Perez v Tatsuro Taira~
Amazing how quickly things can turn around in MMA. Literally at the start of this year I was clowning Perez for being inactive, questioning his commitment to his career, and generally dismissing him and considering a fade at any appropriate opportunity. Fast forward six months and he’s potentially in the title picture with a win here, and a guy who cost me money last time.
Perez is talented, I’d always known it. I bet him to beat Figgy back in the day, and I do believe he could have given a great account of himself had he not been sloppy and gotten caught in the early submission. Alex has good striking, and great wrestling…which at Flyweight makes him a serious competitor. I even said in my breakdown for the Mokaev fight that if Alex somehow managed to get back to his best, he’d be a tough fight for Mokaev, or any grappling-based opponent in the division.
We’ve seen a real demonstration of Perez’s abilities this year alone. He showed his potential in the close loss to Mokaev, defending 17 of 20 takedown attempts and just generally muting the successes of Mokaev’s elite crotch-sniffing and mat return wrestling. He parlayed that impressive performance with a main event win over Matheus Nicolau, a well-rounded competitor that has been on the cusp of a title shot for some time. Perez’s striking looked great in that one, and he once again demonstrated that he has sneaky power too.
This main event spot against Tatsuro Taira is obviously going to lend itself more to the Mokaev performance from an analytical perspective, as the undefeated Japanese fighter is obviously a grappler at heart. When you consider Alex Perez’s aforementioned takedown defence against Mokaev, this one gets really interesting.
Tatsuro is clearly taking a massive step up in competition here, with his highest calibre opponent across five UFC appearances otherwise being CJ Vergara or Carlos Hernandez. In most of those fights, Taira has enjoyed grappling control time in approximately half the time he’s been inside the cage, which indicates he’s yet to really be tested in an area where he isn’t comfortable. He has scored knockdowns in two of his fights, but that finishing sequence against Hernandez most recently was pretty much the only time I’ve seen his striking has looked impressive. It’s not bad typically…just very obviously not his strong suit, and he doesn’t really do anything out at distance except jab and lowkick to set up his takedown.
The key difference here when comparing Taira to Mokaev is wrestling cardio. Mokaev’s averaging almost six takedowns per 15 minutes – he invites opponents to stand back up so he can ragdoll them back down. Taira is a different type of grappler, where most of his opponents stay grounded, and a finish comes soon after. The most he has ever landed in a fight is three. It doesn’t mean he can’t wrestle relentlessly…but there is a nuanced difference when it comes to the type of grappler you are.
So can Taira keep wrestling for 25 minutes? Obviously we cannot say for sure, but it wouldn’t surprise me if the Japanese phenom looks very human and beatable if this fight makes it to round three. I’m expecting Perez to ask serious questions of Taira if they spend extended moments on the feet, and the only way to stop that from happening is with a finish, or the ability to land takedowns.
I’m not convinced that Taira’s going to be able to take and hold down Perez, and I’m also not convinced he gets the better of him on the feet. Whilst that statement was true in the Mokaev fight, the British wrestler still managed to defeat Perez…but that was across 15 minutes, and Mokaev has proven he’s got the cardio to pull of that kind of style for a very long length of time.
The early submission threat could definitely be live, and there’s no reason to believe that Taira can’t still win rounds without having to dive for a takedown every 10 seconds. Perez may be coming off a great performance against Nicolau, but he’s still an untrustworthy fighter that makes sloppy mistakes occasionally. His redemption arc began with that competitive performance against Mokaev, but if we’re being honest he actually fumbled a winnable opportunity with a very lacklustre third round.
So in my opinion, this line is too wide…but I don’t trust Perez enough to take the gamble on him here. If this was up in the +200 range then I’d be tempted, but I Perez is still in the untrustworthy category for me, so I just can’t do it at +160. It’s a pass for me, but Perez is the pick.

How I line this fight: Alex Perez +120 (46%), Tatsuro Taira -120 (54%)
Bet or pass: None
Prop leans: Taira Submission early, would probably be the angle I’d look towards.
Live Betting Leans: If Taira goes bat shit with the grappling, there’s a potential angle for Perez to turn the tables here.

~Tagir Ulanbekov v Joshua Van~
The unique selling point of MMA is that it challenges fighters to be equally diverse at striking and grappling disciplines. That’s why we love it, but damn do I wish they’d sometimes consider what they’re doing when they book certain matchups. I understand that the Flyweight talent pool is smaller so options are much more limited, but it’s still frustrating.
Reason being, Joshua Van looks like a very intriguing and exciting striker, but we are only just at the start of his journey to becoming a fan favourite. It’s far too soon to be throwing him in against a Dagestani wet blanket that’s likely going to cuddle him for 15 minutes and tarnish Van’s hype and prospect status. Let the guy marinate a little before you decide his fate. Especially at 22 years old!
Having said that, I’ve no idea if Van’s got the defensive capabilities to win this one. We haven’t seen him face takedowns from anyone who is anywhere near the level of calibre of Tagir Ulanbekov, and without that we can’t even begin to predict how this fight should go. Furthermore, he’s managed to get up pretty well any time he has been taken down, so our knowledge on his defensive grappling is even weaker.
Van is a great striker, so I would expect him to be leading the dance and winning the bout on the feet, but again that lack of experience could easily eat into his confidence and create a reluctance to commit to his striking. We see it time and time again in a striker vs grappler matchup, where suddenly the striker puts on a low volume and outright bad performance on the feet…it’s because they worry that if they throw with any sort of force they’ll be off balance and susceptible to being taken down. Cast your mind back to rounds 2 and 3 of Cesar Almeida vs Roman Kopylov a few weeks ago to see what that looks like.
So I’ve simply got to agree with Tagir being the favourite here. He has proven himself to be a high-level wrestler, his style could naturally nullify Van’s best qualities…and I also just do not have the evidence to believe Van is going to have the tools to stop Tagir’s grappling. Especially at his age. I never used to be particularly high on Tagir as a prospect as he’d had a few underwhelming performances, but the way he dominated Cody Durden was certainly eye-opening to me.
I can’t have too much confidence here considering Van could have Jose Aldo level takedown defence, but it’s likely he doesn’t and that this too much, too soon. I think the line on Ulanbekov should be shorter than I was able to get him. So I played him for 2u at -167. This is more of a play based on experience and logic, than any tape-based stylistics, but I just had to at that price.
How I line this fight: Impossible to say for sure, but Tagir should probably be trusted at -200 or slightly steeper.
Bet or pass: 2u Tagir Ulanbekov to Win (-167)
Prop leans: None, no idea of Van’s defensive abilities.

~Shayilan Nuerdanbieke v Melq Costa~
A showdown between Steve Garcia’s bitches!
Melq Costa has had a weird UFC career so far, he’s either getting dominated, or dominating opponents. He got the opportunity to show off his ability against everyone’s favourite Ai-generated UFC 5 character, Austin Lingo, but that’s not really saying much. No shame in getting shut down and submitted by Thiago Moises, but getting womped by Steve Garcia isn’t the greatest look.
Shaylian Nuerdanbieke is also coming off a loss to Steve Garcia, where Garcia came back from the brink of defeat after a dangerous opening round. It put an end to a run of three successive UFC wins, but the kind of opponents Shaylian was beating were all lower level and similar.
I honestly don’t know what to make of this one. I don’t really know why Melq Costa is -200 here because I think he’s proven untrustworthy enough to not warrant that price, but I’m not sure if Nuerdanbieke is being flattered by facing lower comp. Either way, I didn’t want to look into it any further from that point. Pass from me.
How I line this fight: I didn’t tape it.
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None

~Ikram Aliskerov v Antonio Troccoli~
Third time lucky for Troccoli trying to make his UFC debut? You’d think that by now I’d have done some tape on the guy, given he’s been waiting to get in there for some long.
15-1 Ikram Aliskerov is one hell of a guy to debut against though…Ikram looks like he could be the real deal. He’s dusted three opponents with complete ease in DWCS/UFC so far, and his only professional loss comes against none other than Khamzat Chimaev.
I’ve no idea about Troccoli, so that’s as far as I can go. Given the high finishing rate of both men, and this being a 205lbs fight, it feels like the -1000 price available on Aliskerov may not have any value (no shit!)…and I obviously don’t want to bet Troccoli on the return. Easy pass, but I’m sure it’s another showcase for an interesting prospect in Aliskerov.
How I line this fight: No idea specifically but Aliskerov large fav.
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None, there literally cannot be value on Aliskerov’s props unless you’re playing contrarian

~Garrett Armfield v Brady Hiestand~
Garrett Armfield impressed me in that recent performance against Brad Katona. I rated Brad’s minute winning ability very highly before the big focus was put on fight ending intentions, so I definitely made a mistake in trusting him in that spot. Katona’s not a dangerous fighter, so his style relies on domination and flawless defence these days. Damage and fight ending intentions are key factors to consider – and a great example of that is the first round of Brady Hiestand’s win over Fernie Garcia – he won 80% of the minutes in the round, but he got dropped momentarily in the first 20 seconds with one punch and all three judges gave it go Garcia.
Hiestand is riding a hard fought two-fight winning streak coming into this one. I don’t think Danaa Batgerel or Fernie Garcia are comparable wins to Brad Katona, and even less so when you actually dissect them. All three of Hiestand’s UFC fights have seen him get knocked down (unofficially with Garcia, but it was treated like one by the judges!), which is obviously a huge concern…especially when you consider he’s not even a super dangerous guy once he gets top position.
Hiestand’s standup isn’t threatening at all. You can tell he’s uncomfortable. He tries to sit at range and throws a kick or a single punch as he bides his time for his next takedown attempt, but he does so whilst backing up the entire time, so anyone with decent sprawling abilities should be able to see them coming. He is counter-able right after that initial shot too, as Danaa Batgerel figured out.
When Hiestand does get top control time it’s also pretty ugly. He’s very erratic and tries too hard to force a submission attempt (he tries to wrap the arm around for an RNC when he’s got nothing else going on the set up), and it often results in him getting reversed. I saw him end up on his back from having his opponent’s back at least three times. A good scrambler on the mat should have no trouble staying safe, and ultimately finding their way back to the feet if they’re patient.
Hiestand’s biggest strength is definitely his cardio, which was solely responsible for his win over Danaa. That was a very weird stoppage, as Danaa definitely wasn’t defending himself, but the punches from Hiestand were pretty inoffensive that I would imagine Danaa could have gladly eaten them for another 90 seconds and gone on to won an easy 29-28. He did gas though, as he didn’t protest what would otherwise have been a very brutal loss to suffer. It wasn’t exactly an impressive finish from Hiestand, he got very lucky to win that fight as the finish came 100% from Danaa gassing/quitting.
So how does Armfield matchup against all that info on Hiestand? Very well, I think. He’s got nice pressure and great hands that he throws in high volume. His performance against Kazama was basically the exact outcome he wants here. He fights with a low stance to pre-empt the takedown. Against Katona it was more of the same, and despite getting taken down four times he still defended five. He got straight back up every time he was taken down as well. They were mostly bodylock attempts, but I think his defence of single/double legs is better than his bodylocks. He got tired in the third against Brad (it was a high pace fight). But still got up off a takedown in the 14^th minute.
So I think Armfield’s got a very favourable match in front of him. Hiestand’s performance against Danaa was a clear indication that he cannot hang on the feet with a lower-level UFC opponent, so Armfield really should do work with the hands. He’s proven competent enough at stopping Hiestand’s only route to a victory also, so I think this one’s a gift for him. I initially wrote that -200 wasn’t steep enough, so I’m surprised the line continues to get better on him. I’ve played him for 3u at -175 (which is rare these days).
How I line this fight: Garrett Armfield -300 (75%), Brady Hiestand +300 (25%)
Bet or pass: 3u Garrett Armfield to Win at -175
Prop leans: Might be tempted by Armfield KO, serious levels on the feet and Hiestand’s been dropped by everyone he’s fought in the UFC so far.

~Asu Almabaev v Jose Johnson~
Asu Almabaev is looking very impressive, isn’t he? The way he dominated Ode Osbourne was certainly eye-opening, but the way he made light work of CJ Vergara was equally appealing to me. I’ve always said CJ’s a hard guy to look good against, and we also got to see Asu’s cardio look totally fine across 15 minutes.
He faces Jose Johnson for his third UFC appearance. Jose’s been a back-and-forth kind of guy. He has to fight hard for his wins, because he’s like a magnet for grappling. I don’t know how, but the guy has next to no ability to maintain distance and keep fights striking – where he wants them. He’s not a bad grappler when he is on the mat, but it’s still not his preferred place. He also gives up his back worse than anyone I’ve ever seen.
All of that will be music to the ears of Almabaev, who likely justifies his -400 price tag and smothers Johnson with grappling. It’s all well and good showing good grappling ability on top and bottom against Anheliger and Jack Cartwright, but Almabaev is a whole different league. Almabaev likely smokes him here. I played Almabaev in a parlay with Josefine Knutsson for 2u at -110.
How I line this fight: Asu Almabaev -400 (83%), Jose Johnson +400 (17%)
Bet or pass: 2u Assu Almabaev to Win (parlayed with Josefine Knutsson at -110)
Prop leans: Likely a submission win for Asu with the way Johnson gives up his back!

~Miles Johns v Douglas Silva de Andrade~
Miles Johns is an impressive and well-rounded fighter, but he lacks a killer instinct and sometimes has questionable cardio. Whilst those flaws are still good enough for him to get the better of guys like Vince Morales and Cody Gibson, he’ll struggle against more dangerous opponents that can match his pace, throw power, and not get stuck on the bottom.
Douglas Silva de Andrade strikes me as the kind of guy who fits into the latter category there. We know he hits hard, we know he has sneaky submission ability, and we know he can go a confident 15 minutes. He’s never been a high level minute winner, but he’s got the explosiveness to turn the tide of a round in an instant.
It’s not my usual way of thinking or breaking down a fight, but de Andrade just strikes me as the kind of guy who is going to benefit from the recent dismissal of USADA. He’s Brazilian, he’s absolutely jacked, and he’s at that age where he might need a little bit of help in keeping up with the younger guys in the division.
That’s a thought I cannot ignore unfortunately, so it’s enough for me to not want to get involved here. I do lean towards Miles Johns and I did initially want to consider betting him, but 2024 has definitely been a year where a lot of older guys have had a resurgence – fading older fighters is not the reliable narrative that it used to be. I pick Johns, but it’s a pass.
How I line this fight: Miles Johns +100 (50%), Douglas Silva de Andrade +100 (50%)
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None

~Lucas Almeida v Timmy Cuamba~
Chaotic and explosive hard hitter that cannot defend a takedown faces off against Man not good enough to win on DWCS.
Much variance. Just going to pass on this one.
How I line this fight: Didn’t tape
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None

~Nate Maness v Jimmy Flick~
Nate Maness is not good enough to be -400 in the UFC. His game revolves around mauling via takedowns.
Jimmy Flick is very, very one dimensional, in that he is submission from guard or bust in pretty much every fight. Whilst sometimes that’s a terrible predicament that leads him to get absolutely destroyed by good strikers…Nate Maness’ style could hand Flick is path to victory on a platter.
Jimmy Flick fights are silly, and the betting odds are always tricky. Flick looks like massive value at the start, but when it falls apart it looks awful.
Easy pass for me. If you wanted to roll the dice, Flick by Submission is the best value bet you can make here.
How I line this fight: Nate Maness -300 (75%), Jimmy Flick +300 (25)
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: Flick by Submission to get the best out of his price.

~Adam Fugitt v Josh Quinlan~
A striker vs grappler affair, but neither guy is particularly good at their side of the duel. Adam Fugitt is an energetic grappler that’s keen to get in your face, but he’s not got the best top control and he can be deterred by a hard hitter.
Josh Quinlan is a guy I’ve been keen to fade since he got the UFC contract, because he very much seems like a R1 finisher or bust. He’s super aggressive and will go hard for the finish, but does leave himself open to being finished himself. Furthermore, he just isn’t a particularly good minute winner either.
I could very easily see Quinlan hitting that early finish against an opponent like Fugitt who isn’t defensively sharp or earning of respect. I could also easily see Fugitt surviving and turning the tide in the second and third. I lean towards Quinlan because I think Fugitt’s approach in the opening round will be asking for trouble, but there’s no way I’d bet on the moneyline here.
How I line this fight: Adam Fuggit +125 (45%), Josh Quinlan -125 (55%)
Bet or pass: None
Prop leans: Betting Quinlan early would probably be the way I’d go, if I had to.
Live Betting Leans: If we’re still going into R2, Fugitt’s chances should increase as Quinlan’s dangerousness fades.

~Carli Judice v Gabriella Fernandes~
Interesting that we’ve got another DWCS split decision loser that’s making a UFC appearance after not getting signed…despite not fighting since. The DWCS fighter laundering continues, as now you don’t even need to win to get a fucking contract.
I actually bet Judice in her DWCS fight. I expected her to have the higher volume and just completely out-hustle her opponent, but weirdly that’s exactly what her opponent did to her. It was a weird one because my read was perfect, just that the other fighter implemented it haha. I also bet Karackaite in her UFC debut, so nice to reclaim a bit of the money lost.
I still think Judice is decent enough for a fighter so inexperienced, and she’s more than just a woman with a 3-1 record. Gabriella Fernandes has historically been unable to stuff a takedown also, which is an interesting narrative that I’m beginning to think about more in the future. I’ve lost two bets this year (Cesar Almeida and Robelis Despaigne) because I didn’t expect their opponents to exploit the obvious grappling disadvantage, so I think it’s worth considering it could be in play for Judice here.
I understand the difference in experience, but this line seems ridiculously wide to me. You simply cannot trust a fighter with bad takedown defence and next to no get ups at -2XX. Judice also isn’t a bad striker, so I don’t think she’s going to get completely obliterated in Fernandes’ world either…so I absolutely can see a path to victory for her.
I’m not going to say I have any idea where the line really should be, but I think fading Fernandes specifically at this price is a totally viable option. I will therefore have 0.5u on Carli Judice at +210.
How I line this fight: Hard to say but definitely not this wide.
Bet or pass: 0.5u Carli Judice to Win (+210)
Prop leans: Judice by Decision, probably

~Julia Polastri v Josefine Knutsson~
I can’t remember if I broke this fight down the first time before it got cancelled, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I bet Knuttson originally at -250, and luckily for me the price actually got better this time around.
Polastri is a fighter I’m familiar with. She’s rangey, and she’s a decent enough striker. She will finish opponents that aren’t on her level, but her awful takedown defence means that her level will always sit somewhere in the middle of the division.
Josefine Knutsson is quite young in her MMA career, but she’s definitely showing some serious promise. She’s got a decent kickboxing record, and was regarded as one of the best P4P female kickboxers before she transitioned over to MMA. In short, I expect her to have a striking advantage against most opponents, Polastri included.
But what makes this one a confident pick, and what makes Knuttson -225, is that she has used her advantage in the standup to dedicate time to working on her grappling. We saw that in her UFC debut – she may have been fighting a can that had no business being in the cage with her, but she was able to show off her grappling, which looked to be at a pretty decent level. It’s probably still a work in progress, but Polastri’s aforementioned lack of takedown defence should make things much easier to the Swede.
So to summarise, Knutsson should be the better striker, and she can easily mix in the takedowns and win with offensive grappling if she needs to. In a sport like WMMA where the ‘puncher’s chance’ is much less reliable an outcome, I struggle to see how Polastri asserts herself as the dominant fighter here. -250 isn’t short enough, so I’ve got Knutsson in a 2u parlay with Asu Almabaev at -110.
How I line this fight: Josefine Knutsson -300 (75%), Julia Polastri +300 (25%)
Bet or pass: 2u Josefine Knuttson to Win at -110 (parlayed with Asu Almabaev)
Prop leans: None

~Jeka Saragih v Westin Wilson~
Jeka Saragih lost to Anshul Jubli, who has gone on to show you how low level the Asian MMA scene really is. I don’t think many/any of the fighters that came from Road to UFC are going to stick around too long, and Saragih is likely to be included in that. He got a shock win against Lucas Alexander last time (shoutout to me for suggesting that might happen), but a 90 second KO is a great way to fugazi the fans into thinking you’re better than you actually are.
Westin Wilson is a roleplayer who isn’t fit to fight in LFA, let alone the UFC. It’s an absolute joke that he’s fighting for a second time in the company.
Jeka is -300. Horrible price for someone of his calibre, but I understand why Wilson is being given so little chance himself. An ugly fight, and a betting line that captures that well. Just pass.
How I line this fight: no.
Bet or pass: Pass
Prop leans: None

Bets (Bold = been placed)
2u Tagir Ulanbekov to Win (-167)
3u Garrett Armfield to Win (-175)
2u Asu Almabaev & Josefine Knutsson to Win (-110)
0.5u Carli Judice to Win (+210)
0.25u Parlay Pieces (+400)

Parlay Pieces: Tagir Ulanbekov, Asu Almabaev, Josefine Knutsson, Garrett Armfield
Dog of the Week: Carli Judice
Picks: Alex Perez, Tagir Ulanbekov, Ikram Aliskerov, Shayilan Nuerdanbieke, Miles Johns, Timmy Cuamba, Asu Almabaev, Nate Maness, Josh Quinlan, Carli Judice, Josefine Knutsson, Jeka Saragih,

I first transitioned almost a decade ago, and lived life as a trans woman for many years. Thanks to HRT and surgery, I eventually had very mild dysphoria but I still never quite managed to fit in with 'the girls'. I felt fake every time I was around women and I couldn't bear to fit in with men, so I wound up very isolated. On top of that, the daily anxieties of living publicly as a trans woman (even one who usually passes) made me feel more and more like being a woman was the wrong path for me. I tried out different gender presentations and labels: non-binary, butch, bi-gender, trans-masculine. In the end, I was only out as a woman to my closest friends and family. Which eventually led to me, post vaginoplasty with 9 years of estradiol, re-learning how to be a boy while binding my chest and packing my boxers with socks in order to pass better as a man and even considering starting testosterone injections. I felt increasingly alienated from my trans-femme sisters as I leaned into my role as a straight guy, and I was always monitoring my behaviour for any slip-ups that would be "too feminine". For the second time in my life, I was trying to convince myself that I could be happy living as a man.
Of course I wasn't, and I still felt a visceral jealousy whenever I saw a woman (especially trans) living her best life. But in the interest of maintaining my male-passing privilege I managed to push all those feelings away. That is, until I watched 'I Saw The TV Glow' for the first time yesterday. The sequence where Owen/Isabel breaks down in the party room and she screams about how she is dying and crumples apologetically while everyone else in the room is frozen, then cuts herself open in the bathroom and we see her smile, really smile, for the first time in the movie before she buttons her shirt back up and goes straight back to timidly apologizing for being present until the film just ends.... It absolutely destroyed me and I cried for the first time in months. 'Oh my God,' I thought to myself, 'I'm doing the same thing as Owen. I'm suffocating myself because I'm too scared to live my life.' Never before have I felt so seen and understood and spoken to by a work of art.
That night when I went home, I dug out a skirt from the back of my closet and tried out being a woman again. I looked at myself in the mirror, topless with a flowy ankle skirt looking like a woman. It felt familiar, it felt right, even through the pinches of shame where I could see my body did not match what a woman "should" look like, it felt good. I cried all over again. I never want to give this up ever again.
This week, I think I am going to buy a make-up kit and go thrift-shopping for some skirts. Thank you Jane Schoenbrun, for giving me the courage to give it another shot. There is still time.

I am not OOP. OOP is u/Constant_Barnacle992
Posted in TrueOffMyChest 2 months ago- https://www.reddit.com/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1caj4og/i_ruined_my_wifes_life/
Update #1 to add more context in same post as first post.
Update #2 in the same post as the first.
Update #3 posted in TrueOffMyChest 5 days ago.
https://www.reddit.com/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1d7eiq1/i_ruined_my_wifes_life_again/
I (m43) try to do my best to provide for my wife (f38) and 2 kids (3,5) as well as my MIL and would like to think I am doing a decent job. Over the years, I worked to improve our family’s living situation, not only did I complete another bachelors and recently masters in a STEM related degree, I at the same time worked 2 full time jobs (while completing my 2nd bachelors) and put my wife through school as well. She completed a degree where she could make good money (~60-70k/yr) in a healthcare field that always has jobs available. But with the birth of our 2 kids, she has since “gave up” on her career to be a SAHM for the time being. At first it was a struggle while I was finishing up my masters. Once I completed it, after our youngest turned 3 my career took a jump up and we are now able to afford our single income household in a more feasible manner. We’re far from rich but do ok for a single income family of 4 (a little north of 150k base+ bonuses). The past year life was overwhelming per my wife, so even though I now work 75% from home, I budgeted to hire a daytime nanny to help her around the house with 1 child while the other is in school now
My day starts everyday around 530-6am. I get the house ready for the day before the nanny comes at 8am, I get our oldest up and ready for school, breakfast made, and plan out my day, bring our oldest to drop off, and be home in time to let the nanny in. My most recent task at work has me grounded for the next 2 months meaning I am now 100% WFH, while this is nice, I am busy in meetings all day as my role manages teams on a global scale as I oversee projects from my industry. For the past 1 ½ months, I realized… my wife as much as she says her life is stressful at home… starts at 10am. I asked my MIL and nanny if this was always the case after a week or so of wfh, and they both responded more or less… sometimes earlier sometimes later. My wife literally wakes up and cooks and then scrolls through her phone or shops from home… which brings me to my gripe.
I am glad I am able to provide her that sort of life since we both grew up lacking in means. I get the possibility of postpartum depression, the stress of having kids, the feeling of being unfulfilled, the fact that I probably am a shitty husband… but for what it’s worth… everything is taken care of and then some.
I manage the houses finances (she claimed she was too busy to do so), pay all the household bills, I pay my own personal bills, I pay her bills, track and perform all the upkeep of our house appliances/cars/pets/etc., and I also “help” pay for my MIL’s medical bills and car note.
…but apparently my life is on easy street compared to hers. I can't decompress to her because it seems like she always feels the need to 1 up me. I had a bad day… but she had it worse cause I’m lucky I got to go away and work… My feet hurt from walking all day during work travel, which is nothing compared to her standing and cooking with a child clinging to her. For the past 2 or so years… I’ve been told I ruined her life, her opportunities, etc… but when I reminded her of what she says, she denies and dodges accountability. My MIL has brought me aside and stated she’s noticed a change in both myself and my wife. I have a greater attachment to my kids and hell… I’ve hugged the dogs and talked to them more about my life than to my wife. I honestly feel like I am in emotional survival mode as I’m one step from moving up the career ladder and one step away from finding love and comfort from the bottom of a whiskey bottle.
I’m sure I’ll be hearing from the manly men of reddit about how I’m simping… but I’m not a machine. I just want to know and feel that someone I prioritize aside from my kids appreciates and loves me for what I do… I’m sure I’ll hear from the stay at home moms of reddit… which is fine. I grew up in a single parent/mother household. It’s not easy… and honestly with the help of her mother and a nanny Mon-Fri, for one toddler while another child is at school… Can you honestly tell me she’s having the typical SAHM experience? Because neither my friends or colleagues who are single parents can say she is. I’m sure the masses of holier than thou redditors will consider this a poorly written fanfic, but it is what it is.
TL;DR Long story short, It feels as if my wife has checked out of our marriage… we’re only roommates where she can still reap the marriage benefits. I’m not asking for her to throw herself at me all the time and let me do whatever I want… I really just want to be told I’m doing good and just offer me some form of emotional comfort as simple as a hug, but I guess as the man who ruined her life, I deserve it.
Update #1 in same post.
*Thank you for the replies. To add more context:

1. Never cheated. I do work in an industry that has a large female population, but I’m literally an open book with work, name colleagues and staff under me, she has access to my work agendas and correspondence if she really wanted to snoop, but on that note she still doesn’t know what exactly I do for a living at this time…
2. We as whole family her parents and mine have tried to get her to go to therapy but she refuses or skirts around the issue.
3. Aside from my coming from a single mother household perse, my biological dad was present in my life. She has had both parents in a reportedly monogamous marriage for over 40 years.
4. I have tried to talk to her about everything and my own feelings but again… 1 upmanship tends to be the trend here.
5. What I am getting out of the marriage was asked… now, aside from my 2 beautiful kids, I’ve been asking myself that same question. We have a near nonexistent sex life mainly since last year. I always figured maybe it’s part of depression or whatever she may be going through… maybe I’m just not attractive enough or just horrible in bed because of my health conditions… I’m not some super model husband but temptation and opportunity does knock and I can perform still but I never give in, because as cliche as it sounds I honestly do love my wife and want to only be with her.
6. I’ll give credit where credit is due as I don’t want to sound biased: when I say she wakes up and cooks she cooks for everyone in the house. Myself, kids, MIL, and even nanny. Aside from breakfast she cooks all meals and snacks. I typically fast until lunch time and our oldest tends to eat a small simple breakfast incase they don’t like what school serves that morning. She does load both the kids and her laundry… but seldomly folds and puts them up. I typically do my own and the rest of my clothes I dry clean because they’re work clothes. She does keep track of our pantry and fridge? But after she makes the list I’m the one who goes out and buys everything if not delivered. She does clean our bathrooms and house 50% of the time, the other 50 is done by either MIL or myself or sometime nanny if she feels like being extra helpful.
7. Prior to nanny, my MIL was the main help for my wife up until she had unexpected medical needs. So I opted to hire a nanny to help them both, more so when MIL is having treatments and recovering.

Update #2 at the top of same post.
UPDATE 06May2024. Not sure if anyone would read this, but thank you for those who have reached out and chit chatted. While I know I’ve kept my newfound friends here updated, I figured I just update my post and keep it short.
I showed my wife my post the following weekend and she read it and all the comments. Long story short, argument, she left our house to stay with her sister, and I’ve been a “single parent” since.
It’s sad to say, aside from the goodnights to our kids it’s all pretty much the same routine.
Nothing much else to say other than thank you for all the kind words of encouragement.
***just need to add, this post got bigger than I expected from a venting post but I’ve responded to a few comments. Nonetheless, thank you for the comments and DMs… and more so for the offers to let me ruin your life ha. It’s been the highlight of my day/night as I sit here drinking with my dog while everyone else is asleep.
It feels depressingly sad that I feel that I have to turn to random internet strangers for some sort of validation in my rant. My apologies in advance as I try to keep this as vague as possible.
Update 3 posted in TrueOffMyChest 5 days ago
https://www.reddit.com/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1d7eiq1/i_ruined_my_wifes_life_again/
**First off, thank you for all the comments and DMs. Some context and clarification since admittingly my post was emotionally charged since I typed it up after another argument. **
Post birth, our kids pediatrician’s office gave my wife those PostPartum Depression screening forms and during the time of both she scored pretty high and was suggested to see a therapist. With our second child she scored significantly higher and we or I should say I made an effort to get her the help she needs. She refused, so entered mother-in-law and nanny for support… I know what people will say/think, but this is one of the reasons I am not 100% ready to just give up and file our life together away.
Also, I know silently suffering in the near and long run of our kids' future will not add to a healthy atmosphere, but neither would a bitter and hate filled divorce. I know some have compared it to the ripping off a bandage, saying it’ll hurt at first but that pain goes away but I’d rather try to spare my kids thinking that their parents ended up hating each other because of them or something along those lines.
I’ve told a few ppl I talk to in DM since my last post, a little more insight on my personal life, prior to my promotion I was a PM managing teams and budgets so out of habit I plan for a lot of “what ifs.”. That being said, I made a number of contingency plans if sadly things went south. So, yes I:
Have talked to a lawyer, 3 actually. Know our rights and what each of us are entitled to. Have a draft settlement created and on hold until I feel I need to use it. I know what I want and am willing to offer more than what is fair for our kids' well being, but also have a plan if we end up going to court.
It’s 100% on me that I’m suffering in silence, but I’m too stubborn to just give up so while I am venting, I don't expect anyone to “feel sorry for me”. I endure it to keep the norm our kids know, ensure my MIL’s treatments go uninterrupted, and of course the hope my wife would finally be open to give therapy a shot and climb together to a better place.
Thank you all again.
I just wanted to update those who have been kind enough to check up via DM and comments. Apologies in advance for the lengthy post. It’s a bit of irony and coincidence that I made a follow up from the update on 06May2024 I made on my original post during men’s mental health awareness month but I could really use another outlet outside of my therapist. My apologies if this isn’t the story book ending/destroying of a relationship people were hoping for…
To save you a read. Wife left. Came back like nothing happened. She made it about her. Nothings changed. I’m continuing to be suffering mentally knowing nothing will change while trying to keep it together for our kids. Lots of take out.
The day after she packed up and left, my wife attempted to come back and take the kids with her to her sister’s. Naturally I was against this and thankfully so was her whole family including said sister. Not only was it not fair to our kids for her to sweep them away into a home that’s not theirs but to put that financial and housing stress on the rest of her family since she doesn’t work and her sister and her family (husband and 3 kids) stays with their dad in the house they grew up in.
After a little over a week of being away, I guess she cooled off so she just decided that it would be fine if she walked in the door with her bags as if she just came back from Target. She came into my office while I was working and angrily stared at me while I sat on a conference call meeting with my team and I couldn't just jump off as this is a busy time of the quarter for us. I guess that didn’t sit well with her because once I took off my headset and closed my laptop she started yelling at me about how much I really don’t care about her and her well being overall. At that moment I couldn't do anything more than look at her and just shake my head. Mother in law came in after hearing my wife yelling and pulled her away, telling her to not bother me, while our nanny kept our youngest away from it all on the other side of the house.
That night after the kids were put to bed, I sat in my office by myself with a drink as I have been doing for the past nights and my wife came in. We talked. We argued. We cried. We drank. One thing led to another and we were in bed. I wish I could say that was our making up but the next sobering morning as we laid there, she went on about how hard it was for her the time she was gone. Literally… it was about her struggles staying at her family house in her old room with her dad and sister’s family. How lucky I am to be able to stay here and do this and that and buy this or do that and not stress as much as they did.
How easy MY and everyone else's in our family lives are compared to hers even though we had similar upbringings…
My mind and heart broke that morning. I’ve been spiraling down since then and this last week I made another attempt to reconcile and talk things out, but I was met with a shouting match while trying to express my current stress and anxieties with life and work in general:
Wife: ”... well do you know how hard this is all for me? You’re supposed to help me be happy.” Me: “So when it comes to my happiness, stress, needs, and overall well being… fk me get over it right? ” Wife: “ We all have our own problems, you need to figure it out and get over them.”
I don't know who the woman I am at home with is but that wasn’t the woman I married and vowed to spend my life with and raise our kids together. Since that conversation, I’ve been noticeably distant with her. I’ve been sleeping in my office or on the couch or with my kids in their bed after putting either one of them to sleep. Still doesn't change her starting her day at 10am… and sitting on her phone talking to her mom groups between cooking meals with the kids in both mother in law and nanny’s care.
Nothing has changed and I doubt that anything will change. Sadly, I think even if we got a divorce, nothing would change or feel different anyway since during my wife’s leaving the days seemed like any other day except with a little more take out than usual. My main fear there isn’t that I wouldn’t just lose my wife, I’d lose my kids in the process.
So I guess it’s sad to say the grand finale to my story with like alot of men and some women I’ve talked to here, I’ll just continue to smile and suffer in silence.
EDIT: Now deleted comment history found by a commenter.
From his comment history
I've been struggling with ED in my later 30's early 40s, for a while I thought I had low testosterone or it was due to my health. I got "healthier" (lost the weight, lowered my blood pressure, got off the meds) and when that didn't work I got consultations from a few urologists and endocrinologist. I did test for low T... so I got on hormone therapy. It somewhat worked... but a few of the urologist highly suspect I have a penile venous leak. After talking to quite a number of experts in the field and looking for alternatives... I actually found a combination of both medication (Trimix) and device that honestly made me harder than in my 20s- early 30s. Even though this combination gets me good to go within 10-15 minutes which is usually focused on foreplay with my wife. For the last of 2021 and early 2022 we were having some of the best sex of our marriage almost daily... then one day after sex she tells me she doesn't feel happy with it because it's "unnatural" that I have to take these steps to just make love to her. She then compared me to her ex in bed... I laid there next to her in silence and just turned away. My brain broke that night.

Boys: Justin, Ripper, Topher
Girls: Anne Maria, Jasmine, MK
Episode 19: The Princess Pride
"Last time, on Total Drama Action! Just when the cast thought they were safe, I swung in to surprise – I mean, antagonize them."
"The cast were forced to use their creative sides while showing off their back sides. As they made superhero costumes out of spandex. And...some other junk. Nice tights!"
"Of course, they were foiled by the diabolical Pythonicus, evil alter-ego of the villainous Chef!"
"In a fight against evil, the cast proved they could be heroes. And also, loooseerrss!"
"In the end, the most diabolical of them all was MK, who twisted things in order to get Chase eliminated."
The recap footage ended, and the scene flashed to the control tent where Chris was waiting with a smile. "Will the Gaffer alliance recover from Chase being gone? Will Anne Maria and Topher keep going out?" he pressed a button on the keyboard to his side, causing a picture of the couple to appear on one of the screens behind him.
"Maybe you'll find out right now?" he shrugged impishly as the scene changed again and he walked towards the cast trailers. "Maybe you won't? On another, totally dramatic episode of," he stopped in his tracks and the camera zoomed out with each further word, "Total! Drama! Action!"
(Theme Song)
The episode began with, of all things, a close-up of some brown and beany mush plopping onto a plate. The camera panned up to reveal its source as burrito beans in the hands of Jasmine being put together. Shots of Ripper, MK, and Justin also showed them making burritos as well.
The camera zoomed out to show the four constructing burritos on the table next to the tent's entrance while Topher and Anne Maria were at the other table, the former overseeing the quartet as he stood on the table and the latter simply applying lipstick to her lips.
“Ten more seconds, guys! The biggest burrito wins!” Topher declared and looked at Anne Maria. “Do you think I'd make a good reality show host?”
Anne Maria put her lipstick away. “Can you excuse me? I'm working on my facial features,” she said.
“But you already worked on yourself in the morning,” Topher said.
“You'd do the same if your hair was lookin’ messy,” Anne Maria retorted.
“Touché,” Topher pulled back.
“And time is up, folks!” MK informed everybody with her watch.
"Ripper, what do you got?” Topher asked the burly boy.
“Allow me to demonstrate my beefcake burrito!” Ripper held up his plate - his burrito has no wrapping and simply consisted of beef shaped into a cake. “I actually managed to make a cake out of beef.”
“How interesting,” Topher observed after getting off the table. “Jasmine, how about you?”
“These are my twin burritos!” Jasmine said with a plate that had two burritos tied together with an elastic rubber band.
“You actually wrapped your burritos?” Topher inspected heavily.
“Of course I did,” Jasmine nodded. “Twins are sometimes inseparable, and it's a good thing that these burritos aren't Siamese, otherwise they would have tried to eat one another.”
Topher laughed at her quip. “Points for that quip,” he said and made his way over to MK. “MK, how did you manage to make your burrito?”
“I am proud to present the MK Whopper!” MK took her burrito out from under the table and presented it - the burrito was shaped to look like MK with the beans as the body, wrap pieces as the hat and clothes, a sliced piece of tomato as the mouth, and pieces of beef as the eyes.
“The burrito is self-serving, but quality effort regardless,” Jasmine commented.
“Quality? Check out the guns on these beans,” Justin objected as his leitmotif played and he whipped out his burrito shaped to look like a flexing bicep. He even flexed his own bicep and moved his eyebrow in order to impress the contestants, but they were unfazed. “Nothing. You feel nothing?”
“Nope,” Jasmine shook her head.
“I was never once into you, Justin,” MK added as well.
“Man, this scratched schnoz has destroyed my looks and my life!” Justin moped. “Why?”
“MK, your self-art and ego is unsurprising, but you did make the biggest and best burrito, so you win,” Topher told her.
“This isn't right,” Justin protested and was now out of his seat. “I demand a second neutral opinion.”
“I'm no doctor or anything, but we all have reality-show-itis, and it's making us turn things into a challenge,” Anne Maria spoke up.
“I'm not sure if that's a thing, but I can't help myself when this day is bland and boring,” Topher said.
Confessional: Justin
“When my good looks went, so did my winning edge,” Justin told the viewers. “But some people are still managing to kick butt, and they're not nearly as good looking as I am!” He paused to think about what he said. “Okay, as I was.”
Confessional Ends
Justin was now sitting next to Anne Maria. “You know, you're the only one taking the game seriously. I just wish I knew how you did it all. It's so inspirational.”
“I'm just playing the game the best I know how,” Anne Maria said. “And it's not by sabotage like Scott did to me.”
“Scott also sabotaged my chances in the game as well,” Justin continued. “Hey, we have something in common.”
“Yeah we do, now go away,” Anne Maria ordered. “I don't know if they'll be a challenge, and I'd like to relax in peace.”
A few off-camera footsteps gave everyone pause, and they looked towards the room's entrance as the shot moved to a side-view of the room. Chef Hatchet had entered wearing a faded purple Medieval-styled costume, complete with a simple horn bearing a flag marked with a simple black-and-purple shield.
He blew a few awkward notes, then the camera moved in for a close-up as he made an announcement. "Hear ye, and rise! For Sir Chris!"
"Sir?!" Jasmine repeated with disbelief. "This Bruce's ego is fussing me to heaps!"
The shot moved back out to show Chris McLean riding atop the same decrepit-looking horse that had been used for a much earlier episode. He was wearing a knight's helmet and holding what looked to be a boot made of glass, and dismounted once Chef laid out a small rug for him to stand on.
"Hold on," Topher said slowly. "Glass slipper. Medieval stuff. This must be a Fairy Tale theme!"
"Topher," Chris said with stern annoyance, "if you ever steal my intro again, I'll have to personally boot you off the show."
"Hey, you can't do that!" Topher protested. "You brought me onto this show!"
"This boot," Chris said happily, "will determine the Princess for today's Fairy Tale movie challenge! The rest of you," he added as the camera panned across the tent from right to left, "compete for the honor of rescuing the fair Princess."
Anne Maria immediately raised her hand eagerly. "I wanna be the Princess!"
"I said the fair Princess," Chris repeated. "And what we think is fair is that the candidates be the ladies who haven't had a win since the merge: MK," he looked at the unamused techno, "and Jasmine." The focus moved to the Outback girl, who merely raised an eyebrow.
Confessional: Jasmine
"Okay, I am not Princess material," Jasmine said in the make-up confessional. "Not only am I too tall to fit the role, but I'm not really interested in fairy tales."
Confessional Ends
A short drumroll preceded an even shorter chanted note as MK and Jasmine approached the end of the table closest to the tent entrance.
"Yeah, there's no way that I'm gonna be some Princess, McLean!" MK barked at the host who was standing nearby with the glass boot still in his hand. "And don't even try to jam that boot on my foot."
"Okay," Chris said slowly, "that's a no for MK. Jasmine, you're up."
"Well, I'm not fond of fairy tales," Jasmine said, "but I might as well."
"Hold on there, Thunder from Down Under," Chris told her. "You have to put the boot on first. Make sure you're actually Princess material."
Jasmine frowned. "Okay then." She sat on the end of the table, slipped off one of her shoes, and tried to force it on.
The host and other castmates watched as she grunted and began to sweat, trying to get the boot onto her foot. Eventually, she let out a disappointed breath and held the boot back up. "It's no use," Jasmine told the host. "I can't get it on, and even then, it would shatter to pieces."
"Well," Chris said blankly, "guess that's both candidates out, unless MK changes her mind."
MK just glared at him. "Not a chance."
Anne Maria immediately grinned. "Yo Chris!"
"Looks like we have to do another selection method," Chris grabbed the glass boot and began to turn, only for Anne Maria to dart forward and snatch the footwear away from him.
Anne Maria swiftly tossed aside one of her heels and replaced it with the glass boot. "There," she said with a smile, raising her leg to show the boot glimmering on the end of it, "I always knew that I was meant to be royalty!"
"Fine, Anne Maria can be the Princess," Chris said heavily. "Let's just get this over with. Chef?" he looked back over his shoulder, and the shot pulled back to show the hulking man arriving back on the scene. He had changed into a pale blue ballerina's outfit, and had strapped a pair of fake wings to his back that, along with the glittering 'wand' in his hand, gave him the appearance of a fairy godmother.
"I dub thee, Princess Anne Maria," Chef said shortly as a touching song played, waving the wand above the grinning girl's head and releasing a cloud of sparkling dust that nearly choked Topher, Ripper, and Justin.
Confessional: MK
"Anne Maria as the Princess?" MK told the confessional camera with a snort and a laugh. "I wouldn't want to be in that Fairy Tale. Along with any others out there."
Confessional Ends
A harp played in the background as an image of Chris' head and a large hardcover book appeared on screen in front of a yellowish stock background. "It's story time, with uncle Chris," the host's disembodied head said before the scene flashed to him seated in a large purple armchair with the same book in hand. His left hand was on a joystick built into the arm of the chair, and he seemed to be slowly rolling through the set.
"Once upon a time," he began slowly, the camera pulling back to show the host rolling up to the contestants minus Anne Maria on a wheeled platform, his chair joined by a matching footstool, pedestal side table, and even a fireplace. "Five brave knights went on a quest to rescue a Princess from her ivory tower." He pulled back on the joystick, and the platform came to a stop. "But, it wasn't gonna be easy! First," he looked at the staircase behind him, "the knights had to get past my very good friend," the shot quick-panned up and left to Chef, now dressed in a tattered vest and trousers with a long moss-green wig and beard, "the Terrible Toothless Troll!" The shot zoomed in on Chef as he quickly blackened a few of his front teeth with a sharpie. "And, his Bad Breaks Bridge!"
The camera zoomed out even further as a few ominous chants played in the background, showing a large mountainous set featuring a rickety rope bridge over a treacherous and craggy fake waterfall. The contestants gulped.
"To get past the Terrible Toothless Troll," Chris read on, "the knights had to wear disguises! There was the Frog Prince," he grabbed a vaguely frog-like great helm from behind his chair and tossed it to Justin, "and the Ugly Stepsister," he tossed a large wig of wavy red hair in a tall bun to MK. "Snow White," he tossed a pink sleep mask to Jasmine, "and one of her Seven Dwarves," he followed that up by throwing a tall wizard's hat patterned with stars, moons, and lightning bolts to Topher. "Aaand," the host finished by pulling out a bright red hooded cape, "Little Red Riding Hood."
He tossed it to Ripper, who raised an eyebrow as he caught it. "Seriously? Can't I just be Riding Red?"
"No dice dude. That's what it says in the script," Chris told him as an unseen intern delivered a plate of milk and cookies to the host's side table. He turned and grabbed one, saying "Good work, kid," before continuing his monologue. "And so, the Ugly approached the Terrible Troll."
"I can't see in this thing!" MK said.
"Oh yeah," Chris said to a dramatic rise in the background music, "for this challenge, each knight is blind." The five teens immediately began to protest, causing the host to snap at them. "Nowhere in this story does it say 'the cowardly knights complained'!" he told the cast with a brief glance at his book. "So get it together, steppy, and get crossing!"
The footage skipped ahead to show MK slowly inching her way across the bridge while holding on to one of the rope rails. "This ain't too bad," she said to herself. She was hit by several red apples in rapid succession, causing her to yelp in pain.
"Oh, also," Chris said as the shot cut back to him, "those are Wicked Witch's apples, so, they're poisonous and rotten. You might wanna watch..."
He stopped talking as the shot cut back to MK slipping on one of the apples and fell off the bridge to the rocky set below. The camera followed as she fell and bounced off of several outcroppings before landing onto the hard ground. The shot cut briefly to the other contestants as they winced in pain before cutting back to the techno girl lying awkwardly on the ground with an apple in her mouth.
"Well, looks like MK isn't fairy tale hero material," Chris commented, dunking one of his cookies into his glass of milk. The short girl writhed in pain.
Confessional: MK
MK had on a neck brace and bandages around her head and torso, "I'm having trouble remembering what happened after the fall. Does that mean I have a concussion?"
Confessional Ends
A harp was played as the footage cut back to the other contestants standing at the start of the bridge. "Next, the eighth dwarf," Chris said as he moved his platform around towards the far staircase. "He grabbed a fistful of courage and headed across the bridge."
Topher glanced over at Chef. The man had hunched over, and was slapping a cat o' nine tails against his hand with a wild grin. He took a deep breath, put on the wizard’s hat over his eyes, and charged forward with a battle cry. Chef raised his eyebrows and rushed out to stop him, but he jumped onto a rope rail and ran through it until he was past Chef.
"Did I make it?" Topher asked, having reached the other side.
Confessional: Topher
"Poise classes have taught me to always be aware of my surroundings, whether I’m blindfolded or not," Topher grinned. "And with Anne Maria as the Princess, I’m not botching this one."
Confessional Ends
The footage skipped ahead to Jasmine's attempt, the sleeping mask already over her eyes and her hands firmly on the ropes of the bridge as she walked forward at a steady pace. Chef squeezed a mother goose, launching a golden egg out of its rear like a bullet. It shot past the girl's shoulder. "What was that?" Jasmine asked as she moved her head to track it. A second egg hit her square in the chest, knocking her back a step and putting a grin on Chef's face.
Jasmine frowned for a moment, then took a cautious step that was apparently at the bridge's weak point. The camera zoomed in on the bridge as it rippled, knocking loose every plank all the way to Chef. With a gasp and a scream, the troll and his goose fell, and the scene cut to him as he grabbed something behind his back. "They don't pay me enough for this!" Chef yelled, pulling the cord of a hidden parachute and floating down safely.
Jasmine was unaware of the danger and took one more step, expectedly screaming and falling. The camera cut to Chris as he followed the Amazon girl's fall and winced at the sound of an impact. "Awesome!" he cheered. "You’re up, froggy." The scene cut to the start of the bridge where Justin stood. "Then Captain Hood after that."
Justin put on his helmet. "At least my face will be protected from further indignity," he said as he slowly moved towards the bridge. He walked right shoulder into one of the posts holding up the bridge.
Ripper laughed. "Tough break, pretty boy," he jeered. "Go a little to the right." The eye candy followed the advice and walked into the other pole, causing Ripper to laugh. "Sorry man!" the bully called before laughing again.
Chef was shown running past the center of the bridge with an ax raised and ready to strike, while Justin stayed at the bridge completely oblivious. Ripper laughed once more and pushed the model into the cook. "Let me give you a hand," he said as he did so. Chef brought his ax down and hit the hot boy's helmet, causing the eyes to spin comically and Ripper to laugh once more.
Confessional: Justin
“There I was, down dirty, and deafened,” Justin recapped his failure. “And I thought "W.W.A.M.D.": What would Anne Maria do? And then it came to me! She'd use her head.”
Confessional Ends
With a battle cry, Justin rushed the cook with his helmet and ran him over, safely making it to the other side. "Justin's still got it!" Chris said as the camera cut to him. "All right, the final knight attempting to enter Fairy Tale Land is," the shot cut to Ripper as he tied a blindfold over his eyes and faced away from the camera, "Riding Red! We're over this way!"
"My seeing is good," Ripper said as he turned around. The camera cut to his perspective to show that he could actually see Chef putting on a blonde pigtailed wig. "I'm able to see Chef as a female troll! Hilarious!"
"Rapunzel dude, let down your hair!" Chris called, and Chef lengthened one of the pigtails and began swinging it around. He cracked it like a whip at the bully, who dodged it.
The camera cut to Justin watching Ripper avoid every attack. "Hey! He can see!" he cried.
"How?" Chris asked sarcastically. "With his X-ray vision? That'd be cool."
Chef attacked one last time, but Ripper grabbed onto the pigtail and swung across to safety with a whoop.
The footage skipped ahead to a close-up of Chris's book as he began to narrate once again. "And so, the Terrible Toothless Troll knocked off two losers," the shot pulled back to show Jasmine, wearing a leg cast and her right arm in a sling, and MK sitting on the ground nearby. "But," the camera panned over to Justin, Ripper, and Topher on the right, "three semi-brave knights made it to the other side and continued on their noble quest. Whereupon I, in my wisdom, inspired them with a vision of Princess Anne Maria."
The shot pulled back even further, revealing that the group had assembled in front of a small stage with a pink-tinted backdrop depicting a large white castle off in distant hillsides. A slow piano melody began to play as Anne Maria, now dressed in a regal-looking pink gown and tiara, was lowered onto the stage by a few wires.
"When I was a little girl, I'd dream of my first kiss," Anne Maria began to sing in a rather mediocre voice the moment she hit the stage and the wired harness was reeled back up. "It would come from my perfect prince!" A number of tiny birds and chipmunks gathered around her, the birds even landing on her hands. "And in my dream, it went like this!"
The scene immediately cut to the three remaining knights as they watched the performance. Justin and Topher were both stunned by her display, while Ripper couldn't care less.
“She's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” Justin said.
Definitely,” Topher chimed in.
“I must've been so busy seeing her as a potential alliance member and extra vote that I didn't see her outer beauty. Wow,” Justin continued in amazement. “We'll be the best looking couple in the kingdom!”
The music came to a halt as Topher and Ripper were surprised by what just came out of Justin's mouth.
“Excuse me, but I am still dating her!” Topher objected heavily.
“And there's no way she'll ever be into you,” Ripper told Justin.
“I saw you cheat, Ripper,” Justin let him know. “You don't deserve to be anybody's prince.”
“And who died and made you the rule master?” Ripper faced the handsome boy threateningly.
"Guys, guys!" Chris said, stepping forward and getting between the boys. "No need to fight! At least not until after this break," he declared happily. "Will Ripper inflict any deformities on Justin? Or will Justin's ripped physique bring two tons of hurt down on Topher's head? Find out when we come back!"
(Commercial Break)
The footage came back to a distance shot of the stage Anne Maria was still singing on, her music resuming as the shot cut closer.
"My prince will be tall and handsome," she sang, the camera panning down to catch Justin standing straight and proud. "My prince will be tough as nails," Ripper flexed his biceps and then lifted a startled Topher over his head.
"My prince will have lots of money," Anne Maria continued, the camera moving back on her as she showered the stage with a wad of cash. "My prince will tame wild whales!" She flexed her own arms, Chris nodded to the beat, and the shot cut to Topher looking at a small and rather disoriented baleen whale on the floor in confusion.
The shot panned down to Jasmine and MK who were watching the performance with boredom on their faces.
"How are you feeling about the whole Fairy Tale thing?" Jasmine asked MK.
"Couldn't care less," MK answered bluntly. "I just don't know why we have to keep watching though."
A close-up was shown of Anne Maria reaching for a wary-eyed frog in a small crown, the Jersey girl pulling it closer to her as she finished her song. "When we kiss~, my prince will be you~!" As the music ended, she held up the frog and kissed it on the lips, but broke almost immediately in a fit of revulsion.
Anne Maria threw the frog away from her, and it landed on Justin's face. "Warts! Get it off!" he cried out as he ran around trying to get the frog out.
"Wasn't that song brilliant?" Chris asked as the focus moved back to him, Jasmine, and MK. "It was so brilliant, I know everyone wishes they could hear it over, and over, and over again! And now they can." He snapped his fingers, and a CD case bearing Princess Anne Maria's picture on the cover was placed in his waiting hand.
"Relive the magic of Anne Maria for only $12.99," he told the camera as a deep and theatrical tune began to play. "Call 555-SELLOUT to get your authentic Princess Anne Maria CD," he added as the camera zoomed in on the case, "before everyone else downloads it illegally!"
"I'll take one!" Topher quickly begged, earning him a CD. "This will be worth spending thirteen dollars of my money."
Confessional: Topher
"My prince will buy me lots of hot dogs! My prince will love ponies too!" Topher was listening to the CD through headphones as his confessional began. "Her singing isn't the best, but I do want to support her," he told the camera.
Confessional Ends
"After risking my life for you, I have come to realize this!" Justin said as he approached the stage. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And the smartest. What are the odds?"
He offered his hand to Anne Maria, but she didn't take it. "Thanks for telling me what I already know!"
"Uhh, aren't you going to compliment me on my bravery?" Justin asked.
"Nah! Princesses are supposed to be complimented in my world,” Anne Maria said, to Justin's disappointment. “It's not their job to give them out to anyone, but for me, I'll make an exception for Topher, the handsomest knight around!”
The camera moved to Ripper rolling her eyes and Topher smiling. “And you are the most beautiful princess around!” Topher complimented back before a sound caught the attention of both. They turned their heads at once and the scene followed their gaze over to Chef, still in his troll costume but now riding the same fly-ridden horse from earlier in the episode.
"How has that horse not died yet?" MK commented. "It can't be in good condition after all their time being used on this show."
"Just because it's a little old, doesn't mean it's not fighting for their life," Jasmine told her.
Anne Maria hopped onto the horse's back while Ripper and Topher came over. “Are we supposed to catch him?" Topher asked.
"No, it's a classic princess abduction," Chris explained calmly. "As the villain makes a whirlwind getaway on a swift steed."
Chef kicked the horse with his feet, but it didn't react. "Guess ol' Betsy here didn't read the script," he said gruffly.
"Kick harder," Chris commanded, and Chef promptly complied. A stronger kick caused the horse to kick backwards, hitting Justin – who had been standing closest - right in the face.
"That did it," Chef said as Justin was shown to have a few teeth knocked out and a bruised right eye.
"So, that's how the three knight dudes lost the Princess," Chris narrated, "But fate, aka me, wasn't finished with them." Chef and Anne Maria rode off behind him. "They followed the troll all the way to a fight to the death, because that's how I like my princesses saved."
"Sir Topher!" Anne Maria called out playfully as she was slowly abducted. "You better be the one who rescues me!"
"These two haven't even got a chance!" Topher replied arrogantly.
"As good luck, I'll give you my favor to carry into the battle!" Anne Maria tossed the glass boot, but it unintentionally hit Justin in the face.
Confessional: Justin
Justin was having his bruises covered up by make-up brushes from two unknown people while the glass boot was on the table.
“Falling for Anne Maria has been hard on the face. I think we'll have a no glass shoes policy if we start dating soon,” Justin informed and put the boot away. “I have no idea what Chase and Millie's policies are, but they're probably less dignified.”
Confessional Ends
The footage cut forward to a close-up of the old horse chewing on some hay before the camera panned over to a small castle archway propped up against a tower of some sort. "Sir Justin, Sir Topher, and Sir Ripper reached the ivory tower in which the troll had stuck the super tanned princess," Chris read as the three remaining competitors walked into the scene and he followed on his rolling platform. The shot panned up the towers, where several other pieces of crenelated wall had been attached here and there, and at the very top there was a pinkish spire and balcony where Princess Anne Maria waited.
"But there was only one way to rescue her," the host continued with a grin on his face and tense music building in the background. "One of the brave knights had to slay the dragon!"
"Dragon?!" Jasmine asked in alarm. "Tell me you didn't get a real dragon for this!"
"Seeing as dragons don't exist," MK told her, "I find that highly unlikely."
"She's right," Chris said as the music switched to something more ominously lurking. "We're reusing the alien monster guy."
Seconds later, a few tremendous mechanical footsteps were heard. MK and Jasmine looked to stage right and the camera pulled back, showing off the animatronic monster in all its glory. Chef was wearing the motion capture suit that controlled it, and it had been given a hood with horns, a scraggly 'beard', and two tiny wings in order to make it look more draconic. Chef raised his arms menacingly, and the monster echoed the pose and growled.
"Let the dragon slaying begin!" Chris announced, pulling out a trio of wooden swords and throwing them to the knights. Ripper caught the shortest, Topher the most slender, and Justin the broadest, and the three turned to face the tower and dragon.
"I'm counting on you, Sir Topher!" Anne Maria called from above, smiling at the fanboy and blowing him a kiss. He accepted it with a grin, and Anne Maria turned her attention to the other two knights and frowned. "As for you two, you'll need all the luck you can get."
"Yeah, cause I'll be the one who's going to slay today!" Topher boasted before turning and charging at the dragon.
"Not so fast," Justin charged at Topher and the two clashed their swords into each other's, only breaking when they noticed a foot-shaped shadow fall upon them. They rolled out of the way before the monster stomped them, and the camera panned over to Justin landing next to Ripper.
“You want Topher to win?” Justin faced Ripper.
“Like I care which one of you wins,” Ripper scoffed.
“Then help me take him down and I'll let you win,” Justin offered.
Ripper thought about it, and the viewpoint moved over to Chef guiding the monster in stomping and snapping at Topher. He was able to strike the dragon's head with his sword. “You are not going to stop me from rescuing Anne Maria!” the fanboy told the dragon.
“Just get them both chasing you,” Ripper suggested.
“And why?” Justin asked.
“Do you want to stop that monster or not?” Ripper glared. “Just do it!”
Justin sighed but complied, and both Topher and the Chef-controlled monster made moves to chase after him while Ripper watched from the sidelines.
“Are you going to fight me or run away from me?!” Topher asked with a taunt.
“Justin, you're going to stop running in 3…2…1!” Ripper ordered, and Justin paused his dash.
Topher also stopped chasing him as well, and the dragon, who was still trying to chase the others, caught its foot on Topher and somehow tripped. It flailed its arms humorously before crashing to the ground.
"A job well done," Ripper said as he ran over to the large red button on the side of the beast's neck. “Now to claim my second immunity win in a row!” he said as he readied his sword to finish it off, but Justin came up to push him off the dragon and onto the floor.
"Sorry Ripper," Justin told him. "If Izzy was the prize, I'm sure you'd do the same thing." He plunged his sword into the dragon's neck, causing it to fizzle and short out. "Anne Maria," he dramatically called out, "your prince is coming."
"Some prince," Ripper mocked.
The camera panned to the right to show Chris' moving platform as he arrived with Jasmine and MK in tow.
"Wanna rescue Princess Anne Maria too?" he asked the camera. "Now you can, for only $79.95!" he pulled out a pink-and-yellow striped box and held it up for the camera, a vaguely Anne Maria-shaped doll barely visible inside. "Order your very own Princess Anne Maria Limited Edition Glass Boot Doll! Playing with the Anne Maria doll is more fun and less dangerous than playing with the real Anne Maria. Guaranteed!" He finished with a cheesy grin.
The scene cut to the top of the ivory tower as Justin climbed up to the balcony where Anne Maria waited. "I have arrived!" Justin announced.
"Not the guy I was expecting, but a reward is a reward," Anne Maria grumbled and the two moved in for a kiss.
"Wait, wait, there's no kissing!" Chris interrupted the two from his chair.
“What?” Justin felt confused.
“Oh yeah!” Topher cheered from under the dragon.
"It says here that Prince Justin and Princess Anne Maria must sword fight to determine the true winner!" Chris explained while reading off his book.
"Which means I still have a chance at winning immunity?" Anne Maria asked quickly.
"You're much smarter than most princesses," Chris replied.
"Usually, most fairy tales end with a kiss," Jasmine said.
"Well, this is a modern tale," Chris explained. "Gals have to fight for themselves."
“You can say that again,” MK agreed.
“If that's how it has to be-” Anne Maria said.
“No,” Justin cut her off, now kneeling on one leg. “I am a noble gentleman. A brave knight. A handsome prince. I would never hurt a lady.”
“But you would hurt a guy working with you,” Ripper interjected after getting up on his feet.
“I said I was sorry, Ripper,” Justin told him with annoyance and focused back on Anne Maria. “I refuse to raise a sword to Anne Maria.” Anne Maria took the sword from him. “I give up any chance at immunity to spare her. And now…”
Justin puckered his lips and moved close, only for his eyes to widen. The camera pulled back to show the hilt of the sword buried in his crotch.
“Not sorry! I'm already taken!" Anne Maria declared before pushing Justin off.
Justin fell with a scream until he hit one of the 'towers' on his cheek. He kept on hitting one tower after another until he hit the ground on his back in severe pain. “I'm okay!”
The camera panned over to Chris and the other losers. "Anne Maria wins immunity! Again!" the host announced.
"Yes!" Anne Maria cheered.
The opening sequence of the Gilded Chris Ceremony came and went, leaving the scene focused on the tux-wearing host at his podium. "So," Chris began with an award already in his hand, "with immunity, Anne Maria is the first to win a Gilded Chris." He tossed the statuette to the girl, sitting on the left side of the bleachers, and she caught it with a smug grin.
"Immunity and my own dolls? How much better can this day get?" Anne Maria said.
"Well, it's not like you're getting the profits from the Princess Anne Maria line," Chris said plainly.
Anne Maria's eyes popped open in shock. "Uh, what?!" she said in outrage. “It's my line!”
“I’m saying that you're not going to get the profits because they’ll be sent over to your family for safekeeping, along with a Princess Anne Maria doll,” Chris explained. “I don't want any of my interns or producers to take what's rightfully yours. Lawsuits and all.”
“Oh!” Anne Maria said in relief. “I'm relieved, but I'm also upset that you made me act like an idiot!”
"Then you should have let me finish! Also still in the competish," Chris announced with another two awards in his hand, "MK and Jasmine." The former caught her prize in her lap with a confident grin, and the latter with a happy smile.
"And also Ripper," the host continued, the camera panning to the bully who smiled as he caught his award.
Spotlights were put on Justin and Topher, the former in a body cast. "Who will live happily ever after, and who will die penniless," Chris said as the music built dramatically. "And the last Gilded Chris goes to… Justin!"
"What?!" Anne Maria stood up. "You have to be joking! Justin should be going home!"
"Yeah, you're right. I was just kidding," Chris said. "Justin's actually the one who's been eliminated."
Topher caught his award. “I knew I would be safe.”
Confessional: Topher
“I told everybody to vote off Justin,” Topher confirmed. “He tried to move in on my girlfriend, and him getting booted would serve him right. The best part is, everybody was on board with it and I didn’t even have to try and convince them.”
Confessional Ends
Justin got up and started to head to the red carpet, but stopped to look at the contestants. “So is no one even going to miss me?”
“I never liked you,” MK shrugged.
“See ya,” Ripper said apathetically. “Get better soon, or sometime.”
“Okay, stop already! I'm going! But you'll regret it,” Justin told them and walked to the red carpet. Before getting into the limousine, he gave one last look to the remaining players. “With me gone, this competition just got eighty percent less handsome.” The eye candy turned around, only to hit his head on the roof. “All right, seventy-nine!” he groaned.
The footage paused there, and the camera pulled back to show it on one of the monitors in the control tent. Chris was sitting in his chair playing with a couple of Princess Anne Maria dolls, a few more scattered on the nearby desk.
"I know what I told Anne Maria, but marketing says that our target audience is too old for dolls," Chris told the camera as the footage on the monitor cut to static. "They're just not selling!" He looked to the side, and the camera panned to follow and show Chef playing with a group of Princess Anne Maria dolls dressed up as soldiers.
"Princesses, attack!" he said with a dark grin, lighting a miniature cannon with a match as the deeper and more dramatic ending theme began to play. The cannon fired with a puff, blowing the heads off two of the dolls.
Chris gave him an odd look, then turned back to the camera. "Hey target audience! Make sure you don't miss the next kiss-filled episode of Total! Drama! Action!" As soon as he finished saying the title, he mashed the mouths of the two dolls he was holding together and made kissing sounds. "Now you see, Chef," he told his companion, "that's how you play with dolls."
(Roll the Credits)
(Bonus Clip)
The scene opened to Justin sitting on the back seat of the limousine with the glass boot in hand. “What I've learned? Well, maybe that good looks won't take you everywhere you want to go,” he said wisely. “I mean, what have I ended up with? A wounded face, a bruised ego, and a shoe that I can't even wear. Maybe if I stopped modeling and threw all my energy into getting smarter, more girls could fall in love with me,” he thought. “But modeling pays. And Jesús, my booker, says that even with my severe facial wounds, he can get me a bunch of leg modeling and some celebrity kid's birthday party. So, love schmove.” He threw the glass boot out the window, and a shattering sound indicated that the boot was destroyed.
Eva - 15th
Geoff - 15th
Izzy - RETURNED
Trent - 13th
Sky - 12th
Brick - 11th
Scott - 10th
Izzy - 9th
Millie - 8th
MERGE
Chase - 7th
Justin - 6th
Boys: Ripper, Topher
Girls: Anne Maria, Jasmine, MK

It felt very, very strange being granted such a title. Mona’s dad was a barkeeper, and my parents (gods rest their souls) worked manual labor and as a cleric. Neither of us had any noble blood in us, or had butlers, footmen and maids. It was a pretty big adjustment for us, especially having to call Mona by her full name when we were in polite company. I had always called her Mona or Emerald (Emmy for short), cause she was beautiful like an emerald, and she always called me Cookie because I loved baking for her. So, going from our pet names to “Ah yes, this is my wife, Lady Desdamona Torres of Mardul, and I am Lady Catherine Louise of Mardul” was so weird. 

But, regardless, I began my misguided quest for revenge against people I didn’t like. I started with Torence, and knew I needed to be smart about what I did. He had just harassed my wife, so if anyone was going to point fingers, he would have an easy reason. So, I started very small. I took on a monstrous form, either that of one of the many wyverns I had cut apart and studied, the Hell Cobra, or the Nightmare Corvid. It started simply enough, roaming the forests of their estate at night, causing people and animals to panic as I let out nightmarish noises to keep them up. Once they were sufficiently worked up, phase two of the plan took effect. I would watch them from their yard, and just stare. Nothing is more terrifying than seeing a 30 foot tall bird just staring at you from the front of your grounds, and then when you call someone to help it’s just gone. Finally, I’d start harassing them. I would swoop down at them or chase them when they were outside, I would damage their windows with rocks or branches, or destroy some of their outside possessions like carriages and gardens. Once I felt they were sufficiently harassed, or had spent a ton of money trying to get rid of me, I’d leave and move on to the next one. Again, THIS IS NOT HOW THINGS SHOULD BE DONE! Please, for the love of the gods, understand that! Either way, that was my schedule for each asshole noble that we encountered. I even got a name for myself, I was simply known as “The Beast”, or “The Shifter”. I liked the beast better, personally, because then that gave me the chance to make lewd and unladylike jokes to my wife. (Yes, penis jokes, and they’re still funny). 

We looked at each other, a bit underwhelmed by this display and kind of disappointed overall. But, we had to remind ourselves that these were basically fodder for hell. Imps aren’t hard enemies unless they swarm in numbers, and even then they go down fairly easily. We were a Grandmaster and Archmage, we were incredibly overpowered for the enemies we had just faced. But, it still felt good to know we had done a service to the town! We were now technically certified devil hunters, but neither of us really felt we had deserved it. So, we started doing our research for the next job. We learned more about the hierarchy of hell, who had control over who, how they commanded them, how things moved up in the ranks, all that. We were upset to learn that killing a devil in our world does not actually kill them for good unless you do something special like a soul-trap or soul destruction. Their soul returns to hell, gets recycled through the machine and implanted into a new body of equal strength to the one they had just lost. So, those imps were definitely going to come back for revenge, I guess. Eh, whatever, it takes a long time to move up the ranks and we’d just continue killing them. Maybe some research into stopping that would be a good idea… We started moving our way up the hierarchy ladder slowly, making sure to build up our name as an annoyance of hell as best we could. Our first year was very easy, we spent our time hunting imps, spined devils and chain devils that we were way too outclassed to give a fair shot. I’m not going to say we wiped the floor every time, we did have moments where they were able to get a good hit on us or were able to cause us some damage, but overall it was a very easy fight. One annoyance, though, was their immunity to my flames. I had to rely solely on my shifting magic and protection magic to be able to fight properly due to them being immune to fire. It was annoying, especially since the majority of my offensive spells were fire spells! I started to do some research on the topic, hoping I could find something that could overcome their fiery immunity or even shut it off completely. My search came up dry, however, so it was back to turning into cool beasts I had killed and dissected and using their forms to maim a bunch of terrified devils. I had considered dissecting and studying the make-up of devils, but once I opened up a bone devil I quickly learned that their forms were mostly just houses for their infernal magic. Without the flames of hell burning inside them, these were just weird looking vessels made of flesh, bone and organs. Plus, probably wasn’t a good idea to be running around in a form that most people feared and wanted dead, so that line of thinking and studying was quickly abandoned. Once we had reached what I guess would be considered the level of Sergeant for the legions of hell, we had begun to acquire quite the name for ourselves in hell. We had not taken out incredibly high ranking members of hell, but we had been able to take a lot of them out in such a short time-frame. As powerful as those on top think they are, a large portion of their strength is having disposable fodder to throw at problems and handle most things for them. We were causing that number to decrease, which was causing problems up the ladder. 

We found out after a bone devil appeared in our bedroom one night. He held two wanted posters, one for Shapechanger Catherine Louise and the other for Potion Master Desdemona Torres. We had a price of 250 soul coins on our head together, quite an impressive sum! We were a real annoyance to them, it seems. We couldn’t help but cheer, even hugging the bone devil and thanking him for telling us the news! He was incredibly confused, pushing us off as he attempted to spear through us with his tail. I shifted my teeth into sharp daggers like a wyvern, grabbed his tail in my teeth and bit it clean off. Mona followed with a special explosive concoction she had been refining that seeped into the body of the devil. Even with their fire immunity, that didn’t mean they couldn’t be lit on fire. I threw a spark at his chest, the concoction lighting him on fire and causing the potion to heat up. It seeped into his skin as he screamed out in pain, his body starting to bulge and swell as the concoction did its magic. We didn’t want a mess to clean up, so I cast a spell of force to push him out the window. He shattered through, his body starting to crack and blister with energy as he continued screaming out in pain. In a brilliant flash, his body exploded into a glitter of magic and faded into nothingness. Once his corporeal form was gone, I decided it was time to test out my research. My hands began to glow as I set an area around the area where its soul would be. 

I’m going on 9 months of pumping with the goal to hit 12 months before weaning my little one, and here is what worked for me and what took months to learn:
It’s not going to be perfect: If you try to pump exactly every X hours, or at exactly X o’clock every time you’re going to get frustrated. Set a schedule but allow yourself to be flexible. If that means pumping early or even an hour or two late, let it happen, and move forward.
Water and food are not a suggestion, they’re a MUST: at the start of this journey I could barely make 12 ounces of breast milk pumping around the clock. Then I changed two simple things and my milk supply shot up to 30 ounces in just a few weeks. 1. Eat MORE. Don’t worry about loosing the baby weight, your body isn’t meant to do that right now, it’s meant to create milk using the storage it has built during pregnancy. This means you need to be eating to maintain, not eating to loose. If you want more milk, eat more food! 2. Milk is also partially water, and if you’re not drinking enough then your body isn’t going to make enough. The more you drink the more milk you can make, simple.
Listen to your body: I saw many different doctors and lactation experts who all told me different things. Eventually I got the advice to pump every 2 hours around the clock. After doing that for about a month I ended up in the ER. Twice. My body couldn’t sustain that level of pumping and I ended up shutting down from exhaustion. After that, I decreased my pumping to every 3 hours and stoped pumping at night so I could get more rest. Guess what, my milk supply ended up increasing because I was less stressed from the intense pumping schedule. Listen to your body!
Reward yourself: pumping is HARD! It’s a lot of cleaning, watching the clock, trying to do things with an uncomfortable bulky pump on you. Set small, achievable goals and reward yourself. You made it another week pumping? Go get a treat to celebrate! You washed all the pump parts? Have a bite of your favorite treat! You built up your freezer supply to where you want it? Go get that cute skirt you’ve been eyeing. Rewards for the small things keep you going when you want to quit.
Find what works for YOU. There are a thousand ways you can do pumping, different pumps, travel bags, methods, timings, flanges, etc. Find what works for you. Find the flange that fits, the pump speed that is just enough but not painful, the type of pump you like and how to travel when you still have to pump all the time. Personally, I found a hands free pump, the fridge method, and a freezer lunch bag to be what got me through so many months of pumping. Find what works for you.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Holiday-Argument-451 posting in TwoHotTakes
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 4th June 2024
Update - 5th June 2024
​
My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment?
​
I've gotten a lot of different opinions from people in my life on this situation so I want to ask some unbiased people.
I (24f) have been working at my job for a year and a half. I do a good job, my reviews have all been good... except for how I dress. This is my first "corporate job". I put it in quotes because it's not really your average desk job. It's a sales office, we sell credit card machines. Its a company made up of 50 people, its a very laid back office environment. I am the receptionist... and part of the marketing team... and I do tech support... and I do office upkeep... I'm including this to show that I do a lot there. I don't just sit at the front desk and smile at people and transfer calls.. We do not have customers come into the office, the only people that come in that are not part of the staff is the occasional interviewee.
The dress code is jean casual. I signed a paper saying jeans and a nice top is the dress code. When I first got the job I felt like I was over dressing. I would wear slacks and a blouse, or a dress, or a pencil skirt and a button up.. you get the point. Business wear is not my style whatsoever... I'm an alt girly. But I know a job is a job and I sucked it up and bought clothes that were professional looking. but as I continued working I noticed everyone dressing extremely casual... I'm talking ripped jeans, leggings, slides, graphic-t's, baseball caps, hoodies.
As I continued working I realized that some of my job duties were pretty physical, sometimes I have to go into the bathroom to change the soap (if you've ever had to do that, you know sometimes that means literally laying on the bathroom floor under the sink to twist the bottle on..) or do major cleaning where I would be getting dirty. Wearing a dress or a satin blouse, was not it... So I slowly started dressing slightly down. Jeans that are not ripped, a nice top (not a t-shirt) and sandals or a clean white pair of slip on vans. Even that was more put together than 90% of the staff. Plus I was much more comfortable and confident.
I am the youngest employee, I feel like I still dress appropriately and I follow the dress code that was described when I accepted the job. The executive assistant Linda (64F) has taken a liking to me and has helped me be more professional with the way I interact with the CEO and things like that. She typically wears something like tights, ballet or the pointy flats, and a blouse or sweater (but shes 64 so the blouses are well... older lady longer blouses.. you get the picture). She did my first review and said I was doing great. Later in the week she pulled me in and told me that the CEO wants me to dress better. I was still new and trying to make a good impression so I again , bought some clothing that I felt were a little nicer but decided to stick to more of my style and colors that I liked. Since everyone else seemed to dress how they wanted too with no issue I felt like I would be able to do that too while still maintaining a professional look.
Well.. I guess not. Something is always wrong with how I dress but they always beat around the bush and don't tell me what they don't like. It's always so hush hush.. I don't wear leggings, I don't wear ripped jeans, I come with my hair done, jewelry... its business casual but like I said I'm a little alt so my outfits are black or sometimes patterned, I wear silver jewelry, I have a nose ring, that they said was fine... I even asked if they wanted me to change it to a stud and they said no it was okay. My tattoos are covered up... my hair is not an unnatural color... I don't wear like heavy alt makeup.... but I'm not a preppy blonde "clean girl" like their last receptionist.
I had my one-year review. Again, they said everything was great except... "Your dress isn't quite where we want it to be yet." At this point, I was fed up because I was really trying and I told them "You guys tell me this every review, I've bought a whole new wardrobe of business casual clothing even though the described dress code is jean casual. I feel like I dress more business-like than everyone else. I don't get what I'm doing wrong." Mind you this was my one-year review and was fully expecting a raise... they've added many more job duties than what I was originally hired for... I didn't even get a $0.50 raise. I said that I have already spent a substantial amount of money on clothing to wear at this job, I can't keep on buying different clothes for this job. They do a thing around Christmas where the higher-ups have to get their subordinates a Christmas gift. My higher-ups are the executive assistant, the sales manager, the marketing manager and the IT manager... I think they all assumed the others would get me something but none of them did. I really did not care about that at all.
Two weeks ago the executive assistant brought up the Christmas gift (she realized no one got my anything). She said that as a late Christmas gift, she wanted to get me some clothes for work. I felt pressured and in a sort of uncomfortable position so I just agreed. She suggested just ordering stuff online, I told her Shein was cheap and had a lot of variety (please don't come at me for supporting shein... i know its terrible.) I was fully expecting her to explain the kinds of clothing they were looking for and then I would be able to have some say so in like the color at least... but no... she basically had me sit there... she picked out different tops... they were all very older lady looking and colors and prints that I would never ever choose for myself.... floral blouses, bright orange, bright yellow... One of the tops came in a leopard print. I said "oh I like leopard, I can wear that with the black slacks I have." But no... i had to get the white with blue flower print. She got me gold jewelry.. like I said, I wear silver, and shoes with heels, and the pointy toe flats.
I was getting frustrated so I just let it happen. The clothes came in... and I was upset. I felt like they just dont like my style. I wore one full outfit she got me and I just looked like her.. not an outfit a 24 year old would wear. I decided to mix in the stuff that she got me with some of my own stuff. Yesterday I wore a pair of boot cut jeans, a nice black long-sleeve shirt, the gold jewelry and a pair of heels that she got me. I honestly thought I looked very nice. In the middle of the day she pulled me in and said that she was getting comments about my jeans from one of the male higher-ups. The jeans had no back pockets, but they were 100% denim. I was wearing heels, so I guess that like accentuated my legs. She told me that someone was saying that I needed to wear a top that covered my butt if I was going to wear jeggings.
I was having a rough day and I finally snapped a little. I said I felt like I was getting unfairly targeted about how I dress. I told her that I follow the dress code as described, the pants I was wearing were no jeggings, I wear the things they want me to wear, but the other women I work with continue to come in wearing leggings without their butt covered, tops with cleavage, graphic t-shirts, sweat pants, tight jeans, jogger shorts. I come in dressed in business casual even though the dress code is jean casual and there is still something wrong with my outfit almost everyday. I would understand it if I was wearing clothing that was inappropriate but that's not the case. I also said I'm starting to feel uncomfortable that everyone has something to say about how I look, I am the youngest woman here and I feel like they think they can push me around about things that don't affect my job performance. I walked out because I was sick of being insulted about how I dressed and made to feel insecure.
I have a meeting with her and the CEO tomorrow about it. Now I'm nervous that I'm going to get in trouble. Is this situation weird? Am I not seeing something? Or is this unreasonable and borderline workplace harassment?
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Comments
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Feeling-Object9383
OP, to be honest, at the moment you came in the office mixing their purchased items with your supplemented by golden colour jewellery, I was totally pissed.
Jeans and top were in your description. Stick to it. With the next comment, bring it and show it to them. Tell that you exactly follow the agreement. Golden jewellery instead of silver? Come on. What is happening is humiliating.
I would understand if you work in the front office of a luxury hotel. Then you wear a uniform.
Just say politely but firm: "I don't breach the dress code description." Don't spend much time for the further discussion.
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Zombiewings2015
Exactly. “Explain to me how gold jewelry is ok but silver is not?” “Explain to me what’s wrong with my clothes in detail, so I can get this right.” “Explain to me in detail why this is against the code I signed” “explain to me how this is not considered harassment when I’m the only one getting talked to when wearing (clothing)”.
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Secret_Pick6524
I've been in a professional setting for 23 years now and I have no fuckin' idea how women are supposed to dress. I've been in environments where I have to wear suits and some women would wear leggings and a tee shirt with a flower on it. And older women that dress like shit always seem to have some issue with some younger women that don't dress professionally by employee handbook standards, but dresses more professionally than most.

OOP: Yeah... its confusing... all the saleswomen dress like bums. I wear a form-fitting turtle neck and a knee length skirt with my hair pinned up.. its inappropriate... I look online for "young women, business casual outfit ideas" and follow that and there is still an issue... i don't get it.

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fish1115
Who exactly has been communicating these issues to you? To me it seems like the executive assistant has a problem with you and potentially some resentment. Who is doing your reviews? I hope your meeting will put an end to this.

OOP: The EA has been communicating most of the issues to me. The customer service manager also said something to me when I wore a form-fitting black turtle neck saying others thought it was too tight. I have to do YouTube videos for the company too, I wore a green scoop neck blouse (no cleavage) the shot was waist up, and has three rings on and a silver necklace. The CEO looked at the footage after we filmed and said that I looked chubby (I'm 127 pounds) and that all my jewelry was distracting and had me refilm the entire thing with no jewelry, in a t-shirt with the company's logo on it and a sweater. So I cant be sure who is the one who has the most issue.
I get a review from the EA, and the Sales and Marketing manager. the reviews with the EA are the only ones that ever talk about how I dress. The two other managers I have reviews with are male. But with the comment about the jeans I was wearing, the EA said that a male higher-up thought they were inappropriate because they didn't have back pockets and my shirt didn't fully cover my butt but asked her to say something to me because he didn't want me to think he was looking at my butt... she didn't specify who said something.
I hope the meeting puts an end to it as well.

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Update - 1 day later
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Okay, everyone! I just got out of the meeting with the Executive Assistant and the CEO about my dress code.
First I just wanted to answer the question I was seeing a lot about why I haven't said anything to HR.. well, because the executive assistant is HR... we don't have an HR department...
TLDR: They don't like how my body looks in the clothing and the fact I wear dark colors basically.
I really wanted to be prepared for this meeting, since I am the youngest and I'm a bit of a pushover I wanted to make sure I didn't get bull-dozed over in this meeting. I printed out the section of the handbook that explained the dress code, and when I got home yesterday, I changed into the last four outfits that I had worn that I was dinged for and took pictures, including the outfit that was half my stuff and half the stuff they bought me. This morning I went around and took a few pictures of my co-workers (I asked for consent) who were wearing ripped jeans, flip-flops, and graphic-t's. These things are clearly prohibited per the handbook. I also brought with me a top that was bought for me, (a blouse from shein bright orange and frilly) then wore a top that I bought for the job that was fairly similar (a blouse from H&M that was dark green).
I asked if I could voice-record the meeting so I would be able to refer back to the feedback. they said okay. They started off the meeting by telling me that it was inappropriate that I argued back yesterday and walked out. (some people were confused when I said I walked out. I didn't leave work, I just walked out of the office.) I apologized for the arguing back but followed it up by saying "I report to 4 different people and have many tasks throughout the day, you two know that Tuesdays are my busiest days and I was frustrated that I was being called away from my job duties to discuss my attire as I was in the middle of a very crucial tasks."
They tried to swerve around that statement and just went into why they brought me in. They told me that they had made multiple attempts to get me to adhere to the dress code and that I had refused to comply. I told them that I have been trying to adhere to the dress code, pulled out the handbook, and read it out loud to them. I explained that I had been following the dress code as it is described in the handbook and asked if they could explicitly tell me what I had been doing wrong, I had bought different clothing, I had worn the clothing that they bought me and I dress business casual even though the handbook says "jean casual" because I understand that being at the front desk means I should be dressing up a little more.
They told me that the outfits I choose to wear are distracting. I pulled out the pictures I had taken of myself and asked them to explain in detail what was distracting about these outfits because I clearly didn't understand. Their response "The black pants with the white polka-dots are inappropriate." in that outfit, I was wearing a white flowy top that fully covered my butt and had a high neckline with white flats. I asked them to elaborate, they said the pattern is distracting. I wrote down, no patterned pants in my notebook in front of them.
The next outfit was a form-fitting black turtle neck, tucked in with a belt and cream dress pants. They said that the turtle kneck was inappropriate because it was a tighter fit. I wrote down, no form-fitting tops. I then pulled out the picture of the outfit I wore which included the heels they got me and the boot-cut jeans with no back pockets. They said the pants were highly inappropriate since they accentuated my behind paired with the heels. I wrote, no heels paired with jeans. I was keeping my mouth shut still. I then pulled out the shirt that was bought for me. I said I'd like to know how this shirt that was bought for me and the shirt that I am wearing now are different and why one is preferred over the other. They said that the bright frilly one is more inviting and presents the message they want more than the one that I was wearing. The dark green is not inviting but the orange is. This was their reasoning for my silver vs. gold jewelry question too.
I then said, "Okay, I think I'm starting to understand." I pulled out the pictures of my co-workers. I asked, do you see how I would be confused when the rest of my co-workers dress like this every day." They said that the other co-workers are held to a different standard since they are in the back office. I just nodded.
I replied "Okay I think I understand. So patterns are not okay unless they are bright loud colors and floral print?" they nodded and smiled "And since I am in the front, I am expected to dress business casual/business professional. Not Jean casual as described in the handbook." they smiled and nodded and said "yes, we're happy to create a new handbook for you to refer back to." and then I said "and for the other outfits, it's not really about the items of clothing, it's about how my body looks in the clothes, and my body is the thing that is distracting everyone at work. Not the clothes." They sort of stammered a little bit and I said "I really try hard to make you guys happy but I think it's inappropriate that this whole meeting was done, taking time out of everyone's day just to tell me that my body is being looked at in a way that is distracting people from their jobs. I am very uncomfortable and am feeling sexualized and harassed at this point. I understand that the dark colors and certain patterns aren't what you guys are looking for. But the other feedback you've given me is just about my body and how it looks. My compensation is not high enough for me to afford to buy any more clothing for this job."
They told me that I was misunderstanding this whole meeting and that was not what they were saying at all. The clothing I wear is not inviting and not the message they want to put out, it has nothing to do with my body. They pride themselves in being an inclusive and safe workplace and would never intentionally make anyone feel sexualized and they couldn't believe that I was interpreting this as harassment. They said that they felt like buying me clothes was a kind gesture to help me work on my professionalism and they thought that I would have been more receptive of that. They also said that if I'd like, they can extend my hours so my compensation is raised. They said that they would be having another meeting with me about the new handbook and to look out on my calendar for it.
I was so frustrated (I am an angry crier, I did not cry but I felt it brewing.) I just smiled and nodded and asked if there was anything else they needed from me. They said no and I walked out of the office. I had so much more that I wanted to say, but I choked up and was upset I didn't say anything else. I am looking for a new job, I don't want to do this other meeting. I feel like it's not worth trying to fight it anymore... I guess I'll just wear the 4 outfits they got me every day until I find a new job. I feel a little defeated and have a sour taste from all of this, but can't afford to just quit. But I have the recording so I'm going to research to see if maybe I have a case here. I'm not meant for corporate America...
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Comments
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Separate_Slice9706
They offered to let you work more hours so you can afford clothes that they approve of? How did they say that with a straight face?
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BeefInGR
My boss put in for a $6/hr raise for myself and another guy (to get us just above market rate for what we do). The person who decides those things (not his boss) wrote back "we can offer them three hours of overtime every week but not direct compensation".
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LlittleOne
That reminds me. My boss tried to ask her supervisor for a raise for me. Told her that I was doing the work of 2-3 people and I needed some better compensation or I was going to get burned out. Her supervisor told her "well if money is the issue, she can always work overtime"
It just felt like such a slap in the face to be told essentially, yeah you're working harder than most people, just work more and that should solve the problem"
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LowBalance4404
I really feel like you need to get a lawyer involved in this. Nothing that they are doing is appropriate. And making a manual just for one employee?
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tattoovamp
I agree. A lawyer needs to be involved. This is beyond ridiculous
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stinstin555
Agreed. OP: Schedule a consult with 2-3 attorneys well versed in workplace litigation, the initial consult is usually free. Outline everything that you detailed here and put the recording of the meeting on a flash drive to play during your consult.
I believe you may have a case for a hostile workplace and the comments about how your body looked in certain clothes may meet the threshold for a workplace harassment claim. Good luck
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I was out with my boyfriend and it was my first time meeting his friends. We had gone to a few bars and were fairly tipsy. I was wearing a long skirt and long sleeve (it was chilly- but I was still looking extra cute). At the bar, he mentioned that I looked nice and joked that I should have worn a crop top to show off my figure more. All of us were heading to a new bar and as we were waiting in the line some guys came out. They walked towards me and introduced themselves; I gave the driest hello possible to show I wasn’t interested. The guy continued to ask for my name and my boyfriend in front of everyone blurts out “shoot your shot; she’s single”. I was so embarrassed and responded with I’m not single that actually my bf. Later that night, we went back to his place and I asked him why he said that- he was pretty drunk and brushed it off by saying he was joking. I brought it up again when he was sober and he said “I said shoot your shot bc I knew he couldn’t take you from me and if he could then okay”.
I was too stunned to say anything… I’ve never had this happen before. I didn’t force this relationship at all. In fact, I didn’t find out we were dating until I heard him on the phone with a friend and he says; “I’m at my gf house”. I asked gf- no one asked me and all he said was yes- gf.
I guess it really hurt my feelings.

I like anime, but I don't like trying a new show and dropping it 20 minutes in because the protagonist's best friend is a creep trying to look up girls' skirts or there's a 10-second shot of a pair of gravity-defying breasts flapping about like demented seagulls. I can stand a little fanservice, but if it gets too egregious I'm out - I think my tolerance for it is dropping as I get older. I'm not too picky about genre, but I tend not to like horror too much.
Here are my favorite anime series:
Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
Fruits Basket
Ouran High School Host Club
Mob Psycho 100 (actually just finished this one - it's what inspired me to make this post).
Here are some I've enjoyed (in no particular order):
Silver Spoon
Anohana (after the first episode weirdness)
PsychoPass
A Silent Voice
Neon Genesis Evangelion (people talk about fanservice in this one, but the sexual content didn't seem fanservicey to me, just an exploration of a 14-year-old boy's psyche as he undergoes a ton of trauma)
Cowboy Bebop
Violet Evergarden
Haikyuu
My Love Story!!
Toradora
Usagi Drop
Horimiya
Soul Eater (some pretty egregious fanservice, but it's pretty isolated)
Bleach
Spy x Family
Some I tried but couldn't get into:
Death Note
Code Geass (might give it another shot)
FLCL
Hunter x Hunter
And some I noped out of for sexual harassment reasons:
Devilman Crybaby
7 Deadly Sins
Parasyte

Her newest one is a keeper - the content is spread out, but there are some great, long closeups of her perfect ass and crotch, and she's wearing a bodysuit for most of it. She also pulls her leggings legit up her pussy with a lonnng shot when referring to front seams vs no front seam. It's fkn great. Enjoy!

Five Minutes of Recovery Later…
“Okay…Let me understand this again.” Reimu began. “Each of you noticed something was off with the moon so you decided to go investigate. And it so happened we all followed the same trail to the bamboo forest, and noticing how the night had remained stagnant the moment we laid eyes on one another we assumed we were behind the incident. Am I right?”
“Correct” Sakuya said, standing alongside Remilia. To her left and right were Marisa and Youmu, who respectively stood by Alice and Yuyuko while Yukari was by Reimu.
“Okay good, and considering we came all the way here to the bamboo forest of the lost means we can clarify none of us here has anything to do with the moon’s replacement. So, does anyone know where we might find our true culprits?”
No one spoke up, save for Youmu who timidly raised her hand.
“Um…Yuyuko-sama and I, when we entered the forest we noticed some lights east of here, but we were too caught up fighting to go check it out. It’s possible that may be where the culprit is hiding.”
“Oh, I noticed something too while making my way here, but it was a building; a mansion more specifically. I think the lights you’re referring to might be the mansion.” Alice said.
“A mansion?” Yukari wondered. “Strange, I never heard of a mansion existing in this part of Gensokyo.”
“Don’t tell me it’s another foreign noble who came from the outside.” Reimu said, making a small glance over at Sakuya and Remilia. “But now I know where to look next, so if you excuse me...”
Reimu moved past the group over the direction Youmu stated earlier, but Marisa rushed over and halted her path.
“Woah, hold on! What makes you think you can go over there alone, huh?” Marisa asked.
Reimu looked at her friend for a moment before replying, “I never said you couldn’t come, did I?”
Her statement made Marisa pause for a second, showing an expression that was enough to make Reimu laugh a little.
“C’mon, let’s go beat up whoever stole the moon.” Reimu patted Marisa’s shoulder and walked past her, as did Yukari. Marisa turned around, not going to let the misconception get the best of her, so she wrapped her arm around Alice’s waist and pulled her over while hopping on her broom.
“Marisa? What are you doing?” Alice asked with confusion.
“Hey, Reimu!” Marisa got Reimu’s attention, along with everyone else’s, “Last one there’s a Nuppeppo!” She declared before blasting forward, with Alice clinging on tight so as to not fall. Reimu saw Marisa fly past her, and instantly she knew the proper response.
“It’s on.” She said, running and soon flying as fast as she could to catch up with the blazing magician. The others did the same, not wanting to be left behind.
—
Somewhere in the Bamboo Forest, Rumia remained astray. She passed by the same boulder three times, and couldn’t tell which way was north. To make matters worse, she encountered a series of booby traps everywhere she tried to go. From constant pitfalls to makeshift ballistas that shot sharpened bamboo sticks; even coming across an anvil that hung high in the air above a plate of cheese for some reason. Nonetheless she managed to get through the traps, though much more fatigued.
“Ugh, I don’t know where I am, I nearly got punctured several times, and I can’t seem to find Reimu or the others.” Rumia complained as she continued flying across the stalks. “No wonder this place has the word ‘lost’ in its name. Hopefully I’ll find everyone soon.”
Despite her complaint, she kept moving forward, getting more lost as a result.
—
In an open area there laid a large old-fashioned mansion, surrounded by walls of bamboo at least ten feet tall. It looked like it was constructed the day before, despite its antique design. There was no wear or tear on the interior, no moss growing, no sign of decay anywhere. This mansion was known as Eientei, a home of rabbits and prominent figures, but mostly rabbits.
Standing by the mansion’s gate stood two figures in pink dresses with rabbit ears on their heads holding large wooden mallets. Though they looked human, they’re a species of youkai, commonly referred to as earth rabbits, or just rabbits. They lived in the mansion, spending their days relaxing and having fun, while also ensuring no one came to disturb their home. Their positions were that of gate guards, tasked to keep intruders out; however, unlike most guards they were inattentive. Their eyes drooped from the desire to sleep and thoughts of going in eating mochi with the rest of their peers further kept away their attention.
“When will we switch with the others?” The first rabbit guard said with a yawn.
“When when?” The second rabbit guard spoke. “I don’t like standing guard on night-shift, it’s boring.”
“Boring boring boring. Why can’t we have fun fun? I like to have fun fun with friends friends.” The first rabbit hopped a little.
“Friends. Friends.” The second rabbit tilted her head back and forth. “I want mochi. Mochi. Mochi.”
“I also want mochi mochi mochi. How how long must we wait wait? I don’t think any intruders will show up.” The first rabbit hopped and nodded her head.
“No no. No intruders, no intruders.” The second rabbit shook her head.
“Yes. No intruders-”
Suddenly zipping past the rabbit guards were a black-white and red-white, along with several figures donning different colored clothing of various degrees entering past the gate and breaking through the doors of the entrance hall into the mansion. Both rabbits gazed at the broken doors with stunned faces.
“Oh no.” The first rabbit said.
“No no no.” The second rabbit said.
The group consisting of humans, youkai, vampires and ghosts; whether partial or not, barged their way through the mansion. The rabbits who were casually roaming the place were caught off-guard by the speeding force of a three-quarter dozen. Many quickly fled out to safety, while those not as cowardly stood their guard with wooden mallets and bullets to spare. Yet despite their best defenses, they remained no match against what seemed to be an unstoppable force.
Further down the hallway, a couple rabbits, faster than others, ran to a particular rabbit that wore the same outfit as them, but had black wavy shoulder-length hair and wore a carrot-shaped necklace. Her name is Tewi Inaba, the White Hare.
“Tewi-sama! Tewi-sama! Bad bad news!” One of the rabbits hastily said.
“Very bad, very bad!” The other rabbit spoke as hastily as her peer. “Intruders intruders!”
“Intruders? Here?” The Earth Rabbit named Tewi looked at her subordinates with some disbelief.
“Yes yes yes! There are so many!”
“Very many very many!”
Based on their faces filled with anxiety and how often they looked back down the hall Tewi could tell they weren’t lying. Furthermore, her ears detected sounds of bullets being shot out, growing closer and louder. As was part of the deal she made long ago with the owner of the mansion, she knew there would come a time when she would have to defend the place, even if it meant giving herself so others would be safe.
“Okay, go warn Reisen and Eirin, and make sure the princess is safe too. I’ll try to hinder the threats.” Tewi said.The rabbits were concerned if their leader could handle so many people on her own, but at the same time they also saw her as commendable. They thanked her before making their way further down the hall.
“Okay Tewi…Stay calm and count on your luck.” She gave herself a little pep talk, taking a deep breath as she saw the figures coming over now. A few rabbits were trying to flee, but fell victim to their bullets. After a quick analysis of what she’s up against, she confirmed she was screwed.
Much further down the hall, another rabbit quickly and hurriedly went to every door she could find, placing seals left and right to ensure none could be opened. Though unlike most of the rabbits in Eientei, hers were longer and thinner, and she had long purple hair and red eyes. She also wore different clothes consisting of a black blazer, white buttoned shirt, a pinkish skirt and red shoes. Her name is Reisen Udongein Inaba, a Moon Rabbit.
“Okay, all the doors should be locked. Princess should now be safe.” She said with a hurried tone. “Master should have the preparations ready to send the intruders out. Just a little more time and-”
Her left ear twitched. She looked down the hall with further worry. Something drew near. She formed her hand into the shape of a gun, and her eyes glowed dimly. Then coming into her sight weren't the intruders, rather Tewi as she flew towards Reisen before falling face-first into the ground, sliding further till coming to a stop by her feet.
“Ow…” She let out a long cry of ache.
“Tewi! Are you okay!?” Reisen looked down at the other rabbit, her eyes wider than ever.
“I’m good, terrific. How about you, Reisen?” Tewi said with slight sarcasm. Reisen picked up her tone and got a bit angry.
“This is no time for jokes, what happened to the intruders? Are they coming this way?”
“Oh yeah, they’ll be here any second. Also, I think I broke a rib.”
“Eh? You broke a-”
She stopped speaking for a moment when she saw a butterfly-shaped bullet flying right at her. She quickly dodged and counterattacked by shooting a bullet out of her hand. The bullet flew right over where Yuyuko was, only to be cut in half by Youmu’s blade. Both Youmu and Reisen held their stances, staring at the other with an odd sense of respect for the other’s quick reaction. Soon after the rest of the incident resolving group arrived at the scene.
“Oh crap.” Tewi looked back and made an immediate decision. “I’ll leave the rest to you, Reisen!” She got back up and fled.
“T-Tewi!” Reisen called for her to come back, but it was no use.
“Is that the culprit, Yukari?” Reimu asked, to which Yukari shook her head no.
“No, she looks different from the other rabbits, but I don’t believe she’s who we’re looking for.” Yukari said.
“Maybe she’ll tell us if we incapacitate her.” Alice said, readying more dolls with strings.
“Let’s not knock her out then, we need her awake for interrogation.” Marisa stated.
“And if she doesn’t talk, we’ll make her by any means.” Sakuya said with a threatening voice.
“And when we’re finished, she’ll make for a wonderful stew later.” Remilia spoke.
“Mmmm, rabbit stew. Youmu, be sure to gather the necessary ingredients by the end of the week.” Yuyuko said with hunger. “Oh, and don’t forget to acquire some sparrows for tomorrow’s dinner.” Her request made Youmu look at her with bewilderment.
Reisen’s heart raced hearing what they had planned for her. She had to fight back now and give her master more time, so she did what only she could. She opened her eyes wide, causing a bright red glow which caught the group off-guard as they were blinded.
“Augh!!!” Some of them yelled, covering their eyes with their hands and arms. A few seconds later the light ceased, and when they uncovered their faces they were met with a dozen of the same person, all raising their hands as they let out bullets. The group, momentarily confused by the sudden number of copies, defended from the oncoming barrage, raising barriers while retaliating with bullets of their own. Soon it was like any other danmaku fight, with everyone zipping around trying to analyze the patterns of the bullets. A few of the Reisens were taken down, but most remained, still keeping the group on their toes.
While Remilia fought, she discerned something odd about her opponent. Her eyes, more keen than others, saw the differences in the copies, such as the length of the hair being a couple centimeters short, or the color of the skirt being less saturated. Making quick glances at the others, she pinpointed which was the real one, and immediately called her out.
“Sakuya! Attack that one!” She said, Sakuya looked over where Remilia pointed and saw the Reisen which Reimu and Yukari were up against. Reisen caught Remilia and Sakuya rushing at her with knives and bats. She knew she couldn’t hold her own against four people at once, so she had to retreat. She ran down the hall, as did her copies, all going separate directions. Reimu, Yukari, Sakuya and Remilia followed the original Reisen while Marisa, Alice, Youmu and Yuyuko followed a copy down a different part of the hallway, separating the group.

If you are a boomer you remember that commercial. I remember watching Ed Sullivan the night Elvis was on the first time. I was maybe five years old. I said to my mother, "I like that man." He was gyrating and twisting away. My mother sort of smiled and said, well I'm sure he doesn't like little girls. I paid no attention to her of course. Then the Beatles...omg. I felt like I was losing my mind. I'd lay awake at night to hear the AM radio station play my favorite Beatles song, transistor beneath my pillow. My mom bought me a Beatles sweatshirt and go-go boots. I tried to cut me some bangs to look Carnaby street and looked foolish instead. I learned to Twist, Jerk, and Mashed Potato, and the Slop and the Bop. We learned how to Madison at the local community center and the Alley Cat. I loved Spin and Marty and Annette, didn't miss the Mickey Mouse Club. I don't recall kids swearing at all, or that many fights. We were so innocent, so calm, so peaceful. We played on our bikes, hoola hoops, caught fireflies. No one spoke out of turn in the classroom, and the teachers were pretty in their wide skirts and short haircuts. I had a teacher in the sixth grade that listened to Peter Paul and Mary and Odetta, and he'd bring his albums to school for us to hear. We had dinner. We'd sleep quietly. Milk was delivered to the door. The doctor came to our house if we were sick. We knew nothing of sex or body parts and didn't care. When mom came home with a new baby we weren't concerned with where or how it was made, we just liked it. Why was Christmas so magical then? The smell of Play doh, my brothers toy guns that shot caps and smelled up the house. Tea sets and dolls. Holidays were wonderful, we'd visit the grandparents farm and chase chickens, and eat green apples, and fresh biscuits for breakfast. When people put down boomers I also remind them that we were the generation that went to Vietnam, that fought for women's rights, birth control, and civil rights. I watched the moon landing. I cried in the class room when the teacher said, "The president's been shot." I wanted to go to Woodstock but wasn't quite old enough and couldn't drive. So I sat in the theater and re-lived it with my friends. I cried when Jimmy Hendrix died, sat in the school parking lot with friends as some radio DJ talked about him. I drove to Berkeley to experience my life, and to hear the free speech preachers who littered the campus. I slept in cars, on floors and drank capucinnos on Telegraph ave. Walked barefoot and wore Patchouli. I got married, had two kids but I am still that person, and I am proud of boomers, who are rapidly dying off now. We protested, we marched, when it wasn't fashionable.

Hi all, I feel super weird writing this and this is probably the least of my problems right now, but it's also one of the most confusing to experience. I'm sorry if this comes off as insufferable, I hope you can see past it.
In short: some people in my life think highly of me, maybe more highly than they should, and have taken to adopting superficial things that I slowly and painfully figured out for myself. They're seemingly unaware I'm not the self-assured baddie they see me as, that it makes me feel bad when they do this. Feeling bad makes me feel worse, because I don't want to begrudge them anything. I don't understand the mechanism behind feeling like this, I don't want to be petty, and I'd prefer to lean into seeing it more positively. Help.
More info:
I'm 31F. I've always been a misfit, a lot or a little depending on the crowd. When I got into my late teens, I found my 'otherness' is appreciated and even desirable - especially though not exclusively in the queetrans community/neurodivergent community.
I've found myself in a new social group in the past couple years after some major life changes. There's been, over time, a scattering of small incidents that have been making me feel bad.
It started with a good friend and former partner. In the time since our break up (which was a "I care deeply about you, but despite your best intentions you have hurt me too badly and I can't continue to love you this way" situation on my end) she came out as trans, and it's been a really nice journey to watch. There was a sadness behind her eyes that isn't there anymore and I'm really happy for her.
The first thing I noticed is that she smells like me. Since coming out, she started using products I used to have at her place - not my actual products, she bought her own.
She started sending me photos practicing make up - which I encouraged - but the first time really caught me off guard because it was a carbon copy of how I do mine. I realised the lipstick is actually mine because I left it behind.
She made wearing certain fabrics - 'furry' jumpers, silky loungewear - her thing.
She bought wigs a similar shade to my hair (which in itself is mostly a result of being too broke and chronically fatigued to keep up with colour maintenance), and if I left one of those 90s chokers behind, she'd wear it and buy more.
She started saying things like "I'm gonna steal that" or "Where did you get that?", once I turned up at her place and she was wearing a vaguely similar outfit, she looked me up and down and went "oh, that's awkward".
I was really excited to have someone to share "femme" things with, I also love to info dump about things I enjoy or care about so I was excited to be able to help or share my experience. I'm cis-"ish", but it took me 20-something years to find a way to present femme that felt comfortable to me - I was super androgynous through my teens and most of my 20s because I had such an aversion to femininity. Gender, in general, is still a question mark to me, to be honest - and I'm also comfortable with that. But as a creative person, I've grown to love the curation and cultivation of how I individually express myself.
Now the issue is, experiences with her made me more sensitive to little things like this happening with other people.
I have another friend who's been on this journey a little longer. We weren't really super close and knew each other through our partners, but one day I saw her and she'd clearly taken a big step further into femininity. Awhile after I was going through some things from when I was younger and still figuring a lot out and found some old jewellery. I thought of her because I thought it might go with the way she's been dressing - so I shot her a message to ask if she'd like it.
She expressed a lot of gratitude and awhile later asked if I'd go with her to a bra fitting, which I did. We had a great day running some errands and around shops and talking about trivial and big things. I was really touched that she'd asked me because at that point I'd been on the other side of some shitty experiences being an unintentional catalyst for my partner's two closest friends exiting their life, and feeling really excluded, misunderstood and unsure of myself in social situations.
Her partner messaged me recently and made an off-hand comment about how she bought a pair of glasses they thought were "inspired by me". Before getting my prescription sorted again I'd always wear these cheap, tinted, round or heart-shaped glasses in various colours - for the hell of accessorising but also because bright lights bother me, and having a bit of a barrier between me and other people made me feel somewhat less 'exposed' and more comfortable.
A different friend made a comment about "stealing" my haircut recently.
I want to be clear that my discomfort stems partially from the fact that I know I don't "own" any of these individual things and so I don't feel I have a right to say anything and potentially make my former partner or budding friends feel bad. But some of these things also feel like a part of me - things I have found that finally make me feel comfortable in my skin. Certain texture fabrics, tinted lenses and smells because it's a form of self-love for me as a person with sensory sensitivity. A wardrobe dominated by a certain colour because I go through periods of colour fixation. Make up that makes me feel pretty but wouldn't earn my grandmother's approval because that feels true to me.
I should note that I grew up under a lot of scrutiny around my appearance. Mostly but not exclusively from my grandma who I grew up with. She always tried to 'correct' anything that wasn't perfect. When I was a baby, she'd regularly turn me from side to side so my ears wouldn't stick out. My teeth were crooked so she got me braces. My feet were flat so she sent me to a physiotherapist(?). I had bad posture so she'd encourage me to walk around the flat with a book on my head. She still inspects my teeth to this day.
It was and in some cases is a lot of comments like "she'd be so pretty, if only she'd wear a dress/smile/have different hainot have a nose ring that makes her look like a bull". No compliment is ever given without a "but". And my god, the praise I got for losing weight - to the point where I started crying at the thought of having to see her since I'd put it back on. I was always one of the smartest kids in the class, and one of the kids with greatest creative aptitude, but I don't remember that ever being the focus - but maybe the criticism sticks more in my mind.
I was always a misfit. I liked what I liked and I dressed how I dressed because I felt DEEPLY uncomfortable in the clothes my grandmother and godmother wanted me to wear. The thought of being forced to wear a skirt or dress back then was enough to make me have a - I don't know - meltdown? I've come around but like I said, it took 20-something years and finding my own weird way of doing it. And between then and now, I've experienced bullying, exclusion, rejection, sometimes even harassment as a result of being different either in terms of how I dress, or how I behave.
So I am now this bizarre dichotomy of a person - I have to factually recognise that there's a subset of people who find me really attractive, likeable, lovable, cool. But people also have been prone to idealising me and I don't think any of them realise how little self-worth I actually have, especially after everything that's happened to me in recent years - having to rebuild my life from scratch, feeling like I'm getting there, then all the drawn-out unaddressed conflict between my partner and a couple of their friends, PTSD, losing housing security, losing my job, living with a newly diagnosed chronic pain + fatigue condition.
It doesn't escape me that these feelings aren't super dissimilar from how I feel about my old job. My boss went back on his word in the last hour of my redundancy period and prohibited me from posting any of my work for portfolio use. The redundancy came right as we were about to finish the company's rebrand and I was about to wrap up a couple major projects. My work is all over his company's website, as is my photo and name, and my values and interests which fit his brand - only I've not been there since September.
It's also wrapped up in grief, I think, because before all of this I entered into this period of my life feeling like everything finally fell into place. I had a job I liked, I found community and an incredible new relationship that fostered my creativity, I had so many potential new friends after finding myself alone in a city I've lived in for many years on the other side of a break up. In this period of time, I felt good about my body for the first time, I felt brave and open to people and experiences, I laughed often. I finally, finally figured out how to feel good in clothes - when I was still completely alone here and didn't know a soul, I started to dress up just for myself when going to the grocery store. Just for the fun of figuring out clothes and make up and to break myself out of the depression of losing my partner and my cat dying.
Now I feel like people still see me as the person I was when they met me, when I've spent a year rotting in a room in a house where we're not wanted, but unable to move out. I don't get dressed nicely anymore, my wardrobe doesn't fit me. I've lost so much confidence and whatever self-worth I built up is in the dump. But I really don't want to be a person who's possessive about some arbitrary characteristics or external things. I've never been a superficial person - most of these things are superficial. Why do I care about this, why does it hurt me?
And I understand that all of these friends - they're figuring out what womanhood means to them and how it fits for them, just like I had to - even if we didn't start from the same place.
So I don't want to be small and insecure and petty, but every time one of these things happens, it feels like someone is taking something from me. I don't want to have these feelings. I want to be as self-assured as people think I am and maintain generosity in my spirit, so to speak, but it feels like it's only gotten me - not with these things but in general - into trouble, into being taken advantage of and spat back out, so recently "generosity of spirit" has been replaced by fear and unease.
I'm gonna resist the urge to go back over and re-read this to circumvent my tendency to hyperfixate and spend hours re-writing things until I eventually delete them, realise I've wasted my day and I'm frazzled and feeling empty.
I hope some of you will have the patience to read this and some words of advice or that might help me understand this and how to change it - right now I'm just stuck judging myself for having these feelings whenever they come up, and feeling unable to move through them in any kind of way.
Thanks a bunch.

My stepdad: •The one big thing that makes me feel valid is that, when I was 11, my stepdad fingered me in my bedroom. I won't go in to too much detail or anything, it's unimportant. But the entire time he just stared at me and everything was silent, like he was waiting for my reaction. Our relationship has always been odd, so I wanted it. But eventually I got scared and told him something, I don't remember what it was but it got him to stop immediately and he apologised too. I don't remember much after, as in I don't know if he left my room or I left first, but I immediately went to the bathroom. Which was when I discovered I was bleeding.
•Around this time, for some strange reason I would repeatedly say to him "fuck me daddy." This would either be in person, or over messages. I remember once, when I was in school, I messaged him that. He told me to stop in case one of my friends saw. I don't know why he didn't tell me to stop for other reasons.
•One day, after telling him that in person, we were in my parents bedroom. I was sat on his bed and he was in front of me in his weird chair. He then started going in to detail about how I wanted him to fuck me, I can't remember exactly what he said, it was like I zoned out. Everytime I try to recall it now it literally feels like bugs start to crawl up me, I don't understand why. I remember the last part, and his really disgusting hushed and gentle voice. He asked if I wanted him to "cum inside of me", or he was just explaining how that would finish. I'm not really sure.
•Still around this same time period of me being 11-12, I would ask him to 'squish me.' The reason why we would call it that is because I would be on my back, my legs would be up all the way to where my head is and he would be on top of me in a way that would 'squish me'. Basically like that one sex position. I would usually be wearing my school uniform when that would happen, so a skirt. During the 'squishing', he would push down on me, so our crotches would basically be against eachother. I don't know why, but I would continuously ask him to 'squish me' and during it I would even say the whole "fuck me daddy" thing. Only recently have I realised that he was probably just pretending to fuck me.
•Other things had happened around that age too, like how we would talk about how many times we masturbated a day and compare it to eachother. Sometimes if I was abruptly going to my room, he would ask if I was going to go masturbate, since we were 'close like that' I would tell him. He would often recommend me NSFW Instagram model accounts. I was once tricked in to sending feet pics to this guy, which really isn't that serious and whenever I brought it up with friends they find it fucking hilarious. But the detail I always leave out is that, I did bring that up with my stepdad and he proceeded to tell me that he already knew. Which means he was spying on me through the crack of the door. If that already didn't bother me, I don't understand why he just allowed me to send those pictures, if he was watching why the hell didn't he stop me?
•I'm pretty sure this also happened around the age of 11 as well, recently, a memory resurfaced but I barely remember it. Basically, I was sucking on his neck. I don't remember who said it, but either him or my mum spoke up and laughed, saying that I needed to stop otherwise I would "give him a hickey." The reason why I wouldn't be surprised if my mum was in the room at the time is because she doesn't care about what he does. She knows everything and just doesn't fucking care.
•I'm very sure that, around that age, my parents begun to expose me to their loud sex. I wouldn't be surprised if it started even younger, however. Obviously, I tried to bring it up with them at the ripe old age of 11 and my mum immediately shot me down with a "it's natural." This only stopped recently, around this year, because I had a big panic attack over hearing them and my mum finally felt guilty. I started getting panic attacks over it the minute it started, maybe the panic attacks were a sign of the trauma when I was younger, but I'm convinced it is now. I heard it so many times that I began to get paranoid every night, I would start to hear it even if they weren't upstairs (I sound crazy, I know.) I would get so anxious every night in case I would hear it, to the point I started to really resent them from it. I know fine well I could just go to sleep before them, but sometimes they even woke me up with it, on numerous occasions.
•I'm convinced my stepdad wanted me to hear it. Around the time of it finally stopping, I got mad because i was hearing it again (I'm unsure if it was due to me hearing shit or they actually were) but it caused me to take my bedding and go downstairs to sleep. In the morning, I was rudely awoken to my stepdad slamming the door open and storming past. He's not usually like that when people are sleeping, so it instantly gave me the impression that he was pissed off and the only reason I can think of is that he was angry I wasn't there to listen.
•He used to tease me for my paranoia to. As a way to discourage them from getting intimate, I would leave my door open at night. This happened around this year, but I was doing that again and I messaged my stepdad if they were actually going to sleep. It then somehow turned to him making a dig about how he knew I gets anxious at night and when I asked why he sent me "In case me and your mam have sex. 😜" Before, I tried to resolve this issue by begging them to just tell me if they were gonna have sex or not so I could sleep downstairs (because I was gonna find out the hard way anyways.) And they kept on refusing? Which just gave me the impression that they wanted me to listen more.
•Around 11 again, he would often tell me details about his and my mums sex life. Like how he was always good at pulling out and the only time he would wear a condom is right when he was about to finish. But the reason why my sister came to be was because he just failed to pull out that one time and my mum refused to get an abortion. Another time, he went on about how him and my mother had sex during her period and how they had to use towels and they didn't enjoy it because it was too messy.
•I don't know if he did things before the age of 11, my memories are very faded and it's like there are major gaps throughout everything. I'm worried that he did, however. When I was very young, I remember having no accidents at all during the night. But then, around the ages of 9, I would have an accident basically every night and would get a lot of water infections. I know that's a classic sign of child sexual abuse, but I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything.
•Another reason as to why I believe more things had happened to me than what I know of is because I always seemed to know what sex was when I was young, but I wouldn't know the name or anything specific about it like how to get pregnant or what cum was. Though, even though I didn't know what it was, it was like I always thought about it, I could never not think about sex, it was disgusting. This stayed until I was around 13. I remember where I even asked my 'boyfriend' at the time, we were both around 8, if he wanted to have sex, and I have no idea why.
•Over the years, he would flash me frequently. Everytime, I would always believe it was an accident because he'd never acknowledge it, besides from that one time which he always jokes about it and blames me. Everytime he would flash me, it would either be because of a convenient hole in the crotch of his pants or because he was wearing very lose fit shorts and it would just be hanging out. The more I think about it, I'm very sure he would have been able to feel such a thing, especially when it was poking out of the hole, but it was like he was just oblivious.
•For some strange reason, when I was younger, I would make comments about small dicks. I don't know if I was commenting on his dick specifically, but he would always say the same thing. "Width matters more than length."
•Recently, around 16-17, he made a joke about how he listens to me masturbating. Once he noticed how shocked I looked, he then went on saying about how my vibrator is too quiet to hear.
•Around 17 again, I went to use the shower. The shower I use is the one that's connected to my parents room. When I locked the door, he got madish and started making comments about it. I had to defend myself, saying how 'the door would open on it's own if I didn't lock it'. Eventually, he backed off.
•I don't understand the point in the fucking door and lock to my bedroom anymore. Whenever I decided to lock my door, my parents start shouting at me through the walls, asking why I locked my door. My stepdad barely knocks, it's like a tap and he doesn't even wait sometimes. I remember seeing a past message from an old friend saying how he tried to walk in when I was changing and that he knew I was changing. I didn't explain myself, I really wish I did because I don't remember this.
•(Around 17.) We were messaging eachother and it somehow turned in to him hinting if I saw this one animated video, it was a porn one. I said no, and to that he sent me a screenshot of it. It wasn't anything bad or anything, just the start of it and nothing was revealing, he then asked if I was sure. And how he was surprised that I hadn't.
•(Around 17.) I don't really get my period, we still don't know why. But as I was getting a lot of blood tests, my stepdad was trying to check things off the list of what it could be. One of those being that my opening is just extremely tight I guess, because he asked if I ever tried penetrating myself. I admitted that I did, but I couldn't get it to exactly go in. Which he then decided to make a comment saying how It's just my 'technique'. I wonder if the only reason he asked that was to see if I ever tried anything out of morbid curiosity.
•(Around 17 again.) He randomly bought me dildo's once, I didn't ask him for them, he just bought them for me and it was wildly uncomfortable. Once he gave me them, he asked if I wanted him to show me how to use them. I said no, which he then said something about how if I ever did then I could ask him. I worry what would have happened if I did say yes.
•When I was around 14, I went glamping. I ended up having to share a bed with him. One of the nights, I woke up to his hand just on top my crotch. I tried grabbing it and moving it away but it just fell back down on to it. I don't know if he put it back there on purpose. I still question if it was a dream, I'm very sure it wasn't because I remember going back to sleep, but it still just bugs me.
•Around 17, I was upset for some reason and he was comforting me. During this, he randomly grabbed the inside of my thigh. I usually just wear a shirt and boxers, so he basically just grabbed my naked thigh but I don't know if he was doing it in a comforting way.
•Usually when I draw, I have my knees up to my chest so it's easier to use my tablet. Considering what I wear for pyjamas, I can always see him looking at my crotch when he comes in to my room. If he really can see everything I don't understand why he doesn't just tell me to put my legs down.
•He's made a lot of uncomfortable jokes over the years too. One of the ones that upsets me sometimes is that, when he was measuring me for a binder, I was constantly moving around because it was uncomfortable since I was just in a sports bra. As he was leaving, I think I told him about how it was uncomfortable for me or something along those lines. He then turned around and shouted "oh come on, it's not like i was fingerings your pussy or anything."
•Very recently, I asked him if I looked okay before going to college. After a bit of back and fourth he said "I wouldn't kick you out of bed, maybe you could find someone in college who would do the same."
•Other times when I asked him if I looked okay, he'd go on tangents about how my ass is great or how he would date me or be too nervous to talk to me if he was my age.
•One of the more recent jokes was when I dropped a mayonnaise lid on my lap. Nothing got on me, but my stepdad turned to me then turned to my mum and shouted "if anyone starts accusing us, just tell them it was mayonnaise!" Or something like that.
•I remember after we watched the new mean girls film, he started going on saying about how he wanted to rewatch it for the Halloween seen (if you know you know) for the 'panty action'. Which rubs me the wrong way because I'm very sure the girls are supposed to be around my age.
•I'm very sure he also made this fake account, pretending to be one of my old groomers that I tried to cut off, just to message me about nsfw topics and ask for pics. It's a whole long yap about paranoia and just suspicions so I won't get into it though. If I tried to provide all the evidence I have, it'll take forever and there's no point.
There's definitely way more things that he's said, joked and done. But I'm only now beginning to realise that they're not okay. Even when I was younger, I was sort of uncomfortable around the jokes so I would just zone out, leading me to not remembering them now.
My mum: •I remember when I was very young, around 11, we were in a store and she was obsessed with the idea of getting extra money. She wanted to do this online thing where she would dominate men or something, it was fucking weird. She went into detail about how she was researching it and instead of telling these men to so sexual stuff, she would make them do good things like pick up litter etc. When we were in this store, she made me look at the dog collars together and choose one out, I remember she even asked me if she thought it would be a good fit for the guys.
•She constantly goes on about her only fans now, I don't know why she wants me to know about it so much. She keeps on going into detail about what her plans are for photos and stuff and I just think it's very odd that she's telling me about it all. She's doing everything in her power to stop my brother from finding out, he's in his 20s, I don't understand why she's so happy to let their minor child know about it but not him. I remember when she was first starting it up, she got offended because I didn't want to wear a cosplay she used for one of her photoshoots. Another time she was going on about her plans for another cosplay thing, but this character happened to be a child, which I pointed out to be weird that she would think to do that. Her response to that was "yeah, if he was a girl." Like wtf.
•She wanted me to help take photos for her aswell, the thing is these were going to be out in public around a store that was really close to our home. She kept on saying it was fine if I didn't want to and that the photos weren't going to be sexual, but once I said no she seemed a bit upset. Which I don't understand because even if the photos aren't explicitly sexual, it's still a fetish thing that she wanted me to take pictures off. She also tends to take photos of her chest when other people are around. Like once I was sitting next to her and she just started taking photos of herself for her onlyfans, (I know this because I asked and she said that was what they were for), I'm just worried because I think I was in the frame a bit. Another time we were at my grandparents and she started taking obvious photos of her chest in front of me and my grandma. The thing that makes me feel sick is that she was wearing one of my shirts when taking them.
•I remember once which was also recent, she just randomly told me about how she was writing porn or something. I don't know why she felt the need to tell me that.
•She got mad when I wouldn't share my underwear with her. She tried to hide her anger but I could just tell she was frustrated when I said no. I remember her arguing with me, saying something like how she let's me share her clothes all the time. (Which isn't exactly true, she just gives me shirts that she doesn't want anymore from time to time.) I don't know if that's normal though and if anyone else shares their underwear with their parents. But I just think it's more uncomfortable than sharing clothes.
•My parents always used to expose me to their sex lives, I remember once when I was 11, after they finally stopped I heard my stepdad say a comment about how he liked the choker my mum was wearing. The thing is, the choker she was wearing was my choker. It's stupid because yeah it's just a choker, it's pretty far away from everything. But I hate the fact that she wore it during that, call me pathetic but I'm really sensitive to sex now. I never wore it since and even thinking of wearing it again makes me sort of upset.
•This isn't really major but when I was 14, I bugged her into buying me a new hoodie. Due to dysphoria and personal preference, I love really baggy hoodies. (I also needed it to be big enough because I needed it to be able to go over my blazer, stupid school rules it's too long to explain.) We got into a semi-argument over it and she kept on pressuring me to buy a more smaller size. She then said I needed to start 'showing off my body more' which I find really odd considering I was 14 at the time and why would I need to show it off.
•She would always ignore when people would catcall/harass me. I'm sure everyone is familiar with that, but I remember once after a man called me an ugly bitch for not acknowledging him when I was 11, when I went home my mum just played it down. Another time, when I was around the same age, I was being threatened by a bunch of pedophiles online. They kept on threatening me, saying how they were going to post my accounts on pornhub so people would come down, kidnap and rape me. When I showed my mum this, she defended them saying that they're probably just 16 year olds. Every time I would have a weird interaction with a man, she would say how we just have 'powers' to attract weird people and it's just who we are. Though I never see anyone else describe it like that and it just makes me feel like she enjoys when that happens to me and her.

Chapter 21
Dixon poked his head round the corner and ducked back. He shook his head and waved everyone to follow. They’d walked several corridors in and seen no one living so far, but there were scenes of damage. Electrical short circuits jumped between exposed wires and across rends in the walls.
They approached a door. Dixon waved them down and gestured he would look inside. He heel to toed up to the door and peeked round the corner. He relaxed and pointed at his ear, signalling he wanted to talk on comms.
“no xenos, but a couple of alien computers.”
“Reilly grunted “How’d you know they’re computers? It’s all alien shit.”
“I’m a marine not a moron, ya gonk. They got loads a lights. They’re machines that look like computers.”
“Yeah, well let the experts decide.” Reilly nodded towards the Huggers, who happened to be following the conversation while leaning against each other.
K’bu’s huge grin was clear through the visor of his helmet.
“OK, me and you first-wait ten seconds. Then the Huggers, then Kiyumi and Harthi.” The Huggers grinned and nodded and Kiyumi and Harthi gave thumbs up signals.
He slipped round the corner into the room, rifle butt firmly in his shoulder. Reilly moved in behind him, the big man on the balls of his feet, squad weapon scanning the corners and lines. They skirted round the room, it was empty. “Let’s go.” The apes and marines came in cautiously.
The apes were talking on their own channel, very animated. pointing around and rolling their arms.
“What’s up guys?” Asked Dixon
Suri answered. “We discuss air quality. K’bu says air seems good. I am suspicious.”
Reilly interjected “You leave those helmets on. We’ve all seen the movies. Rescue mission lands on alien ship or planet, take off the helmet because the air is nice. Then a cute little alien dandelion blows up your nostrils and suddenly your buddy is bleeding black out her eyes and trying to eat your ass.”
Kiyumi laughed. “Sounds like my kind of rescue mission”
Dixon insisted. “You know what I mean. It’s in all the classics. The good guys all become bad guys and they all die because they don’t follow protocol.”
Reilly backed him up. “Yeah. Dixon’s right. Helmets on till we get a signal from Dela Cruz or we’re back in the cruiser.”
The apes had wandered away, clearly losing interest in the discussion. They rummaged around in their satchels and came up with their personal portable devices, immediately tapping and waving them around.
Kiyumi and Al Harthi took up position further into the room, laying their weapons across a table aimed at a door at the back of the room.
Kiyumi was talking to Harthi “They’re looking for Wi-Fi. Just like my nieces and nephews at home”
“Yeah, reckon the xeno’s have social media?”
“Probably. What about dating sites?” They both laughed.
“EatR? SharkR. What about GnawR.”
Kiyumi shot back “NibbleR?”
Dixon interrupted. “Guys, check out that door. I don’t mean go through, just a quick look and pull back. Obviously try to be covert about it.”
“Try? What’s that supposed to mean? Guy gets a little responsibility and some new friends and suddenly he thinks we don’t know what we’re doing.”
Al Harthy nodded. “Right? He’s all, lemme go first, open that door, don’t let the shark eat the gorillas…”
Reilly joined in on the comms “First of all, orangutans not gorillas. Be polite. Second, stow that shit and get the effin’ door open and see what’s behind it.”
Al Harthy mumbled under her breath “Bald piece of crap.” Then louder “Come on sister. Let the boys be important.”
“Yeah!” Kiyumi moved over to the door, looked at Al Harthy.
“Ready?” Al Harthy nodded.
Kiyumi gently opened the door, sliding it to the left, peered around and froze. She slipped the door closed again. “Alright. It’s kinda weird. It’s a really big swimming pool with a couple of sharks in the water and a couple over on the far side.”
“I gotta look.” Reilly said. They all paused and shared a look, apes included. Dixon nodded. “Don’t open the door as much this time. You guys cover him. I’ll take the entrance we came in.”
Reilly crept over to the door and slid it open gently, barely enough to stick an eye up to the crack. He peered through for about 10 seconds before closing it again.
“There’s something else in the water.”
“Yeah?” asked Al Harthy.
“Yeah. There’s like a snake or something in the water with the sharks. I saw it on the top, looping, then diving back into the water”
“Dammit.” Dixon looked like he deep in thought.
“Makes sense they would need a pool, right?” Kiyumi asked.
Reilly and Al Harthy nodded. “Yeah, they’d need to keep wet, seeing as they’re sea creatures, or amphibious or whatever.”
“Listen, we’re here for the Huggers to get some intel then pull back to the shuttle. Bayonets on guns. Kiyumi and Al Harthy set up behind the desks and keep an eye on the pool door. Reilly, make some cover and overwatch on the entrance.”
Everyone set bayonets then got busy setting up cover using the best of the available resources. Dixon stayed close to the apes as they dug around in the machines and computers. He prepared a position by tipping over what looked like two worktables to provide a cover, then sat and maintained an eye on the situation.
…………………………
The apes were busy inspecting the equipment they’d found in the room. By agreement and through experience, first they opened a log template they’d created years ago for circumstances like this and started listing the types of machines and supposed functions. They drew up a short list of machines to take with them, and machines they would deconstruct for important components.
It being just the four marines and two of them, it wouldn’t be possible to bring a lot back with them so their choices were going to be limited. Once they completed the first triage K’bu took over the deconstruction of machines for their parts.
Suri started back over the pile of devices on the floor. She used her personal device and scanned them one by one, connecting with a hotspot she’d opened. She tossed a xeno device on the ground. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Yeah. Just a log of cleaning chemicals.”
She picked up another device, scanned it, then chucked it on the discarded pile.
…………………………..
The quiet of the ship was getting to Dixon. They’d been there, on the ship, for approximately 30 minutes. He’d kept an eye on everyone’s oxygen levels and things were still rosy. They had air for a couple of hours, if things kept quiet. Dixon’s snorted. Things never stayed quiet. He moved to the door they’d entered through, looking out carefully. First back the way they’d originally come and then further into the ship. Shadows moved there and he ducked back. He squelched the microphone, letting everyone know something was up. They glanced his way. He made the signal for movement ahead. The marines watching, nodded. The apes continued inspecting the electronics they’d recovered.
Dixon turned back to the hallway. The movement ahead was getting closer, slowly. He wasn’t sure if the approaching individuals were trying to be stealthy or just slow. Eventually someone came round the corner, preceded by the barrel of a plasma rifle. Cautiously, the xeno walked bent legged and as close to the wall as they could. Still some distance away the alien stopped. It was dark, so Dixon wasn’t sure if the edge of his helmet could be seen, or some shadow gave him away, but he saw when the xeno grew alert to his presence.
The alien stiffened and burbled out a warning. Dixon immediately fired a burst into its chest, then another, changing the burble into something more horrible. More noises came from the hallway. Shadows moved on the walls as more xenos approached.
“Alright, they know we are here. Get ready for extraction towards the shuttle. We’ll go back the way we came when the Huggers are ready.”
He kept an eye on the hallway, shifting between both directions.
Reilly chided the Huggers along as they stuffed a few devices into their satchels. The Huggers continued to move at their usual unhurried pace.
“Guys, ready?”
K’bu grunted and nodded. “OK”
Suri gave a huge grin. “Ready”
They moved towards the entrance.
………………………………
A shark guy stuck his head round the corner, Dixon promptly sent a few rounds that way but missed. The xeno pulled back quickly. Quiet burbling could be heard around the corner.
“Get a move on, they’re planning something.”
“Yeah Dixon. Don’t get a hard on” Kiyumi said. Al Harthy laughed. The two high fived.
“I’m serious. There’s a lot of chatter up here.”
The apes moved up towards the entrance with Reilly in front. “Single file. Be ready to move quickly.”
Dixon looked again before sending Reilly and the Huggers out. “Wait, there’s movement.” He could see shadows growing, coming closer. Then a steady slow thump as something approached. Thump-thump-thump.
A group of xenos came round the corner towards the marine squad. They’d grabbed some plate decking and held it up to deflect gunfire; five, maybe seven of them. Dixon sent a few salvoes in their direction but they ricocheted off the plating. Dixon changed the selector to single fire and aimed. He sent one shot at the floor, careening under the plating and into a xeno's legs. It hit one of them. It slowed but didn’t stop. Aiming at roughly the same place he selected burst fire and pulled the trigger a couple of times. He managed to hit the wounded xeno several times. The alien crumpled to the floor, its colleagues simply walked over it, not stopping.
He fired again, hitting another. Plasma bolts flew past and spattered the wall around Dixon. They were shooting over the top of the plating. He prepped a grenade, “Fire in the hole!” and lobbed it over the top of the plating. He pulled back and everyone braced. The sudden blast shook the walls and floor. He glanced out. Most of the xenos were on the floor, blood, blast damage and body parts spattered the walls. The remaining aliens milled around dazed, trying to get their bearings.
“Now’s the time. Line up on Reilly! Kiyumi, Al Harthy take the rear!”
They quickly got into position. Reilly took the front. He stepped out into the hall, turned right and aimed his squad weapon. He opened up with full automatic and cut down the few remaining in the open. More were around the corner but wisely they stayed out of sight.
Turning back towards the direction of the shuttle he was about to walk. Dixon tapped him on the shoulder. “Wait, you see that? They’re coming from that direction now. They’re flanking us. Dammit. It’s too late to take that route. We’ll have to think of an alternative.”
Plasma shots started to come from both directions, and shouted burbling orders could be heard. Reilly pushed his head out into the hall to check and took a glancing plasma bolt to the top of his helmet. His head rocked back and he moved inside. Dixon fired a long burst in one direction, turned and fired in the other. The xenos stopped advancing.
“They’re getting organised. OK, we go through the pool room. Kiyumi, pull the door open then immediately a grenade in the water. Reilly, wait for the blast then shoot the room to shit. Got it?”
They nodded. “Al Harthy, overwatch on Hugger 1. I’m on Hugger 2 until we get in the room, then back to pairs.”
Kiyumi stood to the left and braced at the door handle, she looked at Reilly on the right. “ Ready?” He nodded. She eased the door open; a few plasma bolts came through and she tossed the grenade in. Long seconds passed and the blast came. Reilly poked the barrel around the corner and fired a long stream of bullets- stretching from the left of the room to the right. 5 seconds he fired then pulled back. Kiyumi and Reilly went through guns firing. A few more plasma bolts then a couple of bursts of automatic.
Kiyumi called “C'mon. They’re dead” The group filed into the room, barrels sweeping. A couple of aliens lay on the side of the pool, one of them half in, its head underwater.
Al Harthy was looking over the shoulders of the apes and pointed. “Hey, look. The snake isn’t dead.”
The snake was still moving in the water, rolling from side to side in some pain. The marines prepared to fire.
“Don’t! It might be important!” Suri shouted. That stopped them.
Al Harthy was casting around and managed to find some debris and tools. “What are you doing?” Asked Kiyumi.
“Barricading the door, dumbass.”
“Whatsamatter, you scared of some sharks?”
“Idiot”
They laughed and braced plating and strips of heavy plastic against the door. It wouldn’t last too long but it would slow things down for a couple of minutes.
Dixon looked at Suri. “What are you talking about?”
“This room is specifically for the care of this snake. It must be important to them. These aliens are its carers and guards.”
He looked, taking in the details. It was somewhat decorated, more ornate than the previous room. Boxes, towels and trays were strewn around. Suri was right, this was a room for serving someone or something, important.

The next morning, Kimiko woke up early. She sat up in the couch's pullout bed, and looked over to Himiko and Tomiko, who were still fast asleep. Kimiko grinned deviously and whispered a spell. A soft, crimson glow began to emanate from her body for a few seconds. When Kimiko jumped out of the bed, a copy of her remained, sitting upright just as she had been doing.
"Nyeh...go to sleep," she whispered to her doppelganger. Wordlessly, the doppelganger obeyed and shut its eyes. "Perfect," Kimiko said to herself. She slinked over to the back door and silently opened and closed it. Then, she ran over to Hope House and rang the doorbell a few times. A sleepy Makoto answered the door, his eyes widening when he noticed Kimiko.
"Huh? What are you doing here so early?!" he exclaimed.
"Go get Junko," Kimiko demanded impolitely.
"Junko?!" Makoto repeated.
"Is there an echo in here?" Kimiko scoffed, rolling her eyes.
"Well...I don't think that Junko is-" Makoto began.
"Awake?" Junko finished for him as she appeared next to Makoto. She was holding the shopping bags from the day before. "I'm very much awake. Thank you, Makoto."
"Huh?" Makoto blinked at her in confusion. "Um...why are you two-"
"Butt out!" Kimiko snapped. Makoto gaped in stunned silence, while Junko eyed him with a smug grin.
"Nicely done, Kimiko," she said. "But, she's right, Makoto. This has nothing to do with you, so I highly suggest you keep your nose out of our business."
"O-Oh...okay. S-Sorry," Makoto stammered, lowering his head abashedly as he walked away in humiliation. Junko turned back to Kimiko.
"Ready to go to the beauty salon?" she asked.
"Would I be here if I wasn't?" Kimiko replied sassily. Junko laughed heartily.
"Oh, you..." she cooed, pinching Kimiko's cheek, which hurt quite a bit. Kimiko rubbed her sore cheek. "Oh! And while we're getting our hair done, why don't you tell me some of your juicy gossip?" Kimiko frowned in confusion.
"Oh, but...I only do that when I'm the one giving the makeovers," she said. "I thought you wanted me to give you one."

"Well...it's not that I don't want you to give me one, it's just that it would be better if we shared gossip while we both get makeovers," Junko replied with a sweet smile. "Besides, you really need-...er, I mean, deserve one, don't you think?" Kimiko brightened.
"Yeah, okay!" she replied, nodding her head eagerly.
Good, because if I have to keep looking at her hideous face for too much longer, I think I'm going to puke, Junko thought to herself. Then, she continued to give Kimiko her overly-saccharine grin. "Good!" she replied. "C'mon! We can't be late!" Transferring the shopping bags to her other hand, Junko held Kimiko's hand and walked with her to the beauty salon.
***
At breakfast, Kiki was silent as she nibbled on her breakfast cinnamon roll in her family's dining room later that morning. She was lost in thought about how to break Junko's spell on Kimiko. She giggled at the irony of those words.
"Darling, what is so funny?" Kiki's mother asked.
"Hm? Oh...nothing, mother," Kiki replied.
"You're quieter than usual, honey," Kiki's father said. "Anything the matter?"
"Well..." Kiki started, chewing slowly. "...Actually, I wanna ask you guys a question."
"Fire away!" Kiki's father nodded.
"Darling, you should say 'I want to ask a question,'" Kiki's mother chided. "'Wanna' is street talk!"
"Shhh, Akiko! I wanna hear the question," Kiki's father said, pressing his finger against his lips.
"Ugh! You, too, Akio?!" she cried.
"Well...anyways..." Kiki muttered. "Hypothetically speaking, let's say I have a friend who I really like hanging out with, but they found someone, um...'cool' to hang out with instead of me, because the person was kiiiinda manipulative, and my friend basically ditched me. What do you think I should I do?"
"Ditch them back!" Kiki's mother replied. Kiki and her father stared at her in surprise.
"Well...I don't know how you can just 'ditch them back,' but I'm still pretty surprised at your answer, dear," Kiki's father said.
"Well, if they don't care for your company anymore, why should you care for theirs?" Kiki's mother simply replied, patting her bun haughtily.
"You really think that, mom?" Kiki asked, feeling her heart sink.
"Indeed," Kiki's mother nodded firmly.
"Dad?" Kiki asked, turning to her father. Her father rubbed his chin in thought.
"I think I have to concur with your mother, honestly," he replied after a while. Kiki's face fell. Maybe it was a mistake to call Kimiko her friend after all. Her father seemed to pick up on her expression. "Unless that person is an important friend," he added. "Then, maybe you'd be able to get through to them." Kiki brightened a little. That was similar to what Kokichi had told her. Her father gave her a small smile.
"You really think so, dad?" she asked hopefully.

"Yes, do you really?" Kiki's mother asked, frowning.
"Yeah...since the 'cool' person was manipulating your friend," Kiki's father answered. "If they're a really good friend, I'm sure you wouldn't want them under the influence of that 'cool' person. Especially if it sounds like the 'cool ' person was intending to separate you and your friend up in the first place. I'm not saying they were, but, to me, that's how I interpreted it. But, if that's the case, there's always a reason for that." Kiki tilted her head as she mulled that over. She had been wondering why Junko targeted Kimiko specifically. It couldn't be because she was just that easily to manipulate. There had to be a reason, but what was it?
"Well...I suppose that is true," Kiki's mother admitted. "Still, I personally would not make such a fuss over someone I once considered a friend, but turned out to be a backstabbing viper in the end. Best to kick a person like that out of your life as quickly as possible."
"Wow, honey! I did not expect that from you at all!" Kiki's father said with a slight chuckle.
"That's just the way it is, so there," Kiki's mother said, taking a bite out of her breakfast. "Is that all you wanted to ask us, Aki, darling?" Kiki nodded.
"Pretty much," she replied.

"Are you sure this is all just hypothetical, honey?" Kiki's father asked, raising a brow.
"It is, don't worry," Kiki lied. She hated lying to her parents, but she didn't want them to be involved. "I asked just in case it happens in the future." Kiki's parents exchanged skeptical glances, but Kiki's father nodded to her.
"Okay, sweetheart," he said. Kiki lowered herself from her chair.
"I'm going over to Kokichi's," she said. Her parents waved goodbye to her. What her father had told her might be some valuable information, and Kiki was determined to get some answers. She set off on her own, hoping to find them.
Part Eight
Kiki arrived at Hope House later that morning. She figured Kimiko would be there, since Junko was all Kimiko would talk about, lately. She rang the doorbell. Sakura answered. Kiki's eyebrows shot up and her eyes widened with fascination.
"Whoa! You are a cool-lookin' dude!" she breathed. "Buuuut...why are you wearing a skirt?"
"I'm a girl," Sakura replied kindly. Kiki puckered her lips with embarrassment.
"Oh..." she mumbled. Then, she blushed and sheepishly rubbed her head. "Um...haha...sorry. I'm usually not the flexible type, and, yet, I have no problem sticking my foot in my mouth," she joked. Sakura smiled and nodded.
"It's okay," she said. "I know you didn't mean it. Did you need something?"
"Well...I was wondering if Junko is here?" Kiki asked.

"Sorry. Junko is out today," Sakura replied. A look of determination crossed Kiki's face. It wasn't what she was expecting to hear, but it's what she wanted to hear at the moment. "Would you like me to relay a message?" Sakura continued.
"No, thank you," Kiki shook her head. "Actually, I was wondering if you could answer some questions I have about her." Sakura shook her head apologetically.
"I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't know much about her to answer any questions you might have about her," she admitted.
"Hmm...is there someone else who might know?" Kiki asked.
"Well...Junko does have a twin sister, Mukuro," Sakura replied. "Maybe you'd like to ask her?" Kiki thought for a moment. Her gut was telling her not to talk to this Mukuro girl. Especially since they were sisters. Mukuro might inform Junko about their encounter together. Kiki decided against it.
"Mmm...I'm looking for someone more...secretive," Kiki replied. "Know anybody like that?" Sakura raised her brow, then smiled.
"Come in. I'll take you to her," she said. Kiki nodded and followed Sakura inside. Sakura led her upstairs to the girls' rooms and knocked on the door at the end of the hallway. Kyoko answered the door.
"Sakura? What's going on?" she asked. Sakura gestured to Kiki.
"I think this little girl has some business with you," she replied. Kyoko eyed Kiki up and down.
"Very well, then," Kyoko said with a nod. "Come on in." Kiki followed Kyoko inside her and Celeste's room. From her side of the room, Celeste watched with curiosity as Kyoko gestured over to a desk chair for Kiki to sit in. Kyoko sat on her bed and folded her hands on her lap. "What can I do for you?" Kiki looked warily over to Celeste.
"Oh! I suppose you want me to leave?" Celeste asked.
"If it's not too much trouble," Kiki replied with an apologetic shrug.
"Not at all," Celeste replied. She stood up from her elegant black and red desk chair, and exited the room in a graceful stride. Kiki turned to Kyoko, eyeing her with some suspicion, as well.
"You seem like an intelligent girl," Kyoko observed. "But, I'm usually the wary one, considering that I, myself, am a detective." Kiki blinked.
"But...I thought Shuichi was the Ultimate Detective," she said.
"If you knew that, why didn't you go to him for help?" Kyoko asked curiously.
"Because you're the detective that lives in the same house as the person I'm having a problem with," Kiki replied. "And I'm hoping to gather some intel about that person."

"So, you're playing detective yourself, I see," Kyoko said with an impressed smile.
"In a way," Kiki nodded. She felt like she could trust Kyoko. After all, detectives weren't supposed to discuss their cases so openly. Not that Kiki had a true case to be solved, but she figured Kyoko would keep quiet about it anyway, just as Sakura had said.
"Well, then...what would you like to know?" Kyoko asked.
"My friend, Kimiko Yumeno, is under Junko's influence," Kiki explained. Kyoko knitted her eyebrows as she listened. "I don't know why she specifically targeted her, though."
"Yumeno? As in Himiko Yumeno," Kyoko deduced. "Are they sisters?" Kiki nodded. "I see." Kiki further explained the situation, about Kimiko's crush on Kokichi, about Kimiko's broken heart, and about Junko basically taking over Kimiko's life. "And you're wondering why Junko seemed to favor Kimiko over you, correct?" Kiki nodded.
"I think there's a reason for that, but I don't know what it is," she replied. "I thought that maybe you'd know something about Junko that I don't. Like, maybe she's using Kimiko, but I don't know for what purpose."
"Well, I admit that I don't know all the details, but...perhaps it's due to past experiences between Junko and Himiko," Kyoko replied. Kiki frowned.
"What kind of experiences?"
"The one that sticks out to me the most is the 'Not-Your-Talent Show,'" Kyoko explained. "It was a talent show where we Ultimates had the opportunity to showcase a side talent of ours unrelated to our ultimate talents. Himiko and some of the other girls wanted to form a band that would require Mukuro to be in it. To do that, they had to ask Junko's permission. Junko agreed to give Mukuro to them...under the condition that Himiko would have to give up dating Kokichi if they didn't win the talent show. And if Himiko continued to date him, even after losing, Junko would dig up some dirt on Himiko and expose her." Kiki's eyes widened.
"Was that the only time?" Kiki asked.
"The more I think about it, there was another time where Himiko turned down Junko's offer to go to the mall with her," Kyoko explained. "As far as I know, Junko and Himiko have been at odds with each other many times in the past, for whatever reason," Kyoko answered.
"So, you don't know why?" Kiki pressed. Kyoko shook her head, then paused in thought.
"I suppose it's simply because Himiko has, in a way, 'triumphed' over Junko in the past, which is something that bothers Junko," she surmised. Kiki's mind was made up now. Junko was using Kimiko to get dirt on Himiko out of revenge! And Kimiko was willing to tell her anything, especially about her magic. And who knows what would happen after that? Kiki absolutely had to do something before it was too late.
"Thank you for your time," Kiki said, standing up from the chair. "I have to go now. I think my detective game just got more serious."
"Just a second. Do you need any help?" Kyoko offered.
"No," Kiki replied, shaking her head. "But, I definitely have to find Junko. Do you know where she is?"
"I'm sorry. I don't," Kyoko replied. "But, a classmate of mine said that Junko was holding shopping bags full of the outfits she had purchased yesterday, so maybe that could be a clue?" Kiki frowned.
"She couldn't be returning those clothes?" she wondered aloud. "Especially since Kimiko didn't even try them on."
"Maybe Junko brought those bags with her so that they could wear their new clothes from wherever they went," Kyoko suggested. Kiki considered this possibility. If that were the case, why would she bring her and Kimiko's outfits to a place? Why not put them on first, and then go to the place? Suddenly, a memory flashed through Kiki's mind from before about Kimiko offering to give Junko a makeover. Kiki didn't know how well Kimiko could give a makeover, but she figured Junko didn't want to find out. So, she thought of the best place for Junko and Kimiko to get a makeover, then change into their new outfits for a complete look. She turned to Kyoko.
"Is there a spa, or a beauty salon, or something, nearby?" she asked hopefully.

I posted this on a few places, but I wanted to try and get some advice and input here too.
Quick background:
I’m a legal adult and pre everything. I haven’t changed my legal name, but am completely socially transitioned. Even my parents will introduce me as their son and use my preferred name when meeting new people, but neither of them have suggested or offered changing my legal name or changing my legal gender, which makes me hesitant to do so on my own because I don’t feel I’d be supported in my decision...
TLDR: I’m scared of medical procedures and while I have a supportive family, I don’t feel like they support me too much when it comes to medically and legally transitioning. So I’m extremely nervous/hesitant to start medically transitioning despite desperately wanting to.
As the title states, I’m mortified that transitioning won’t help. On top of that, my parents, have me scared to transition in the first place and my therapist makes me hesitant too. I’ve been wanting to for years now, but I’m unsure where to start and how to start. I met an endocrinologist earlier this year and my parents came along so we could all ask questions and voice our concerns.
So my mom has been really supportive of me after the initial shock of me coming out. I will admit at first she thought that she was losing her child and my dad told her to stop and take a step back. She has since gotten over that feeling and realized I’m still me. She’s also been really understanding whenever I’m feeling really dysphoric. She just feels bad that she doesn’t know how to help me feel better.
My dad on the other hand has been… let’s say challenging. It’s not that he’s unsupportive or understanding, but it’s not like he is supportive or understanding either. For example, I have a habit of being a bit more “feminine” in his mind because I enjoy having long hair and painting my nails occasionally. I’ll admit that I enjoy wearing skirts and dresses, but that’s because clothes have no gender in my opinion, and it reminds me of when I’d play dress-up as a kid.
He also hold the opinion that I haven’t met the right person that makes me feel good about my body as it is even though I’ve had several accepting and respectful partners already. He doesn’t want me to jeopardize my ability to have my own kids. And when we went to the endocrinologist, I’ll confess, he asked the doctor if giving a trans person, say a trans man, more estrogen, would “fix” or improve their mentality. The doctor thankfully said that studies have shown it has the opposite effect and basically shot him down.
Both of my parents want to meet with more doctors before I start hrt, but neither of them have been offering any names, or I guess are suggesting that I do more research and schedule more appointments, even though that one appointment already took me almost a month (I think if not longer) to get through, which was lucky enough.
Then there’s my therapist. She’s a really kind woman and very respectful. She’s had several trans patients, some who have transitioned early on and some who’ve transitioned later in life. But she’s a firm believer that people should wait until they’re 25/until their brains are fully developed. I’ve told her about all the research I’ve done and that I’ve met with an endocrinologist to get more information. She wasn’t exactly thrilled over overly supported, but she proceeded to say: “You’re a smart person and have done a lot of research. You know my stance, but it’s your body, your choice.”
So a lot of these interactions have me really hesitant to do anything. A part of it is also the money because my insurance is a little bit iffy about what they do and don’t cover in terms of trans care and what they do cover has prerequisites.
It should be noted that I have ASD, on the high functioning end, so I have a hard time dealing with change. I really, really want to transition and get the body that I want to be truly happy and comfortable in, but I’m terrified of medical procedures and my parents have me freaked out about the adverse side effects they keep coming across. Maybe it’s because while I have a decent support system, it’s just not great enough for me to feel like I’d be supported if I do decide to start transitioning or because my ASD is making me doubt that transitioning would make ME feel better, despite seeing all the content and proof of so many other trans people thriving and happy after they transitioned.

Yuma, Arizona October 1904…

I stood alone on the train depot's wooden deck, the chilled morning air tugging the lower hem of my skirt which fluttered about my ankles. The sun peaked from beyond the eastern horizon of ancient lava rock encrusted with the drifted sand of the Colorado Desert. These porous ramparts were jaggedly course, with a million years of dark oxidation etched into their surface. My eyes burrowed into this expanse littered with a flora of squat barrel cacti, wiry creosote bushes, and the spiked tentacles of ocotillo plants frozen against the arid breeze.
The dawn's infantile rays glared against the side of my face as a harbinger to the mid-day heat sure beseech the Imperial Valley. Soon, the white of cumulus thunderheads would collect from the desert floor wrung of its moisture by a summer heat which refused to move on. Regardless, the days were getting shorter and the paradise of winter’s relief was sure to arrive despite the weather’s stubborn persistence otherwise.
The bellows of pressurized steam through the whistle of an approaching locomotive interrupted my pastel wonderings lost in a dream from the previous night. The black titan chugged ever slower as it neared the tiny platform while flared from its nostrils. The cobbled streets of a passed life not lived faded from my mind, my soul left to wonder if it ever happened at all.
My head turned with the passing fuel truck nestled behind the engine’s cab, the elegant print announcing the arrival of Southern Pacific’s five am express from the town of Phoenix. The first passenger coach grinded to a holt before me and a sharply dress conductor left from its stairs with his hand trailing off the railing as he went. He placed his navy blue cover on his head and straightened the curved gloss brim before he reached into his breast pocket for the golden watch he was always sure was there.
He placed his left hand to the side of his mounth and sucked the needed breath into his diaphragm for his address, “All aboard!... This is the 7:10 train bound for Los Angeles with stops in Ogilby, Glamis, Mesquite, Salton Dos Palms, Dry Camp, Palm Springs Station…” He rattled off a dozen other barn board bergs between Yuma and the coast nobody ever heard of, unless they were from there.
I grew up out there though, and knew just how long the 7:10 train would take between each stop. Mine was the fourth. A dusty little hamlet on the edge of the similarly named, Salton Sink. Four years ago I’d returned to the valley on an adventure. I was a seeker of treasure, a legend I had consumed as a child and came to believe in as a grown woman. Time though, and the careless pursuit of youth had diverted my journey in another direction.
My left thumb kneaded the pewter band wrapped around the base of my ring finger. I still have no idea why I wore it, a symbol of a union whose purpose was nullified a few short months after its conception. Hector was a good man though, and never dishonored our pact, even after it had become obsolete. A good man yes, but sadly never one I would share a love with.
By the fall of nineteen aught four, we’d built a small enterprise from the scantly irrigated lands of the Imperial Valley. His grandfather had been a forty-niner but never once did he prospect for the elusive metals which broke more men than it made. No, the man was a storekeeper, and the lessons learned off the backs of dreamers who spent far more money on provisions then they ever pulled from the ground served his grandson and I well.
The locomotive let of a belch of steam from under its chassis as I contemplated the detour that had become my life. My mother said it was the inevitable, that I should be happy I wasn’t alone. The truth though, I still was alone, regardless of how things looked from the outside.
From behind me, the hastened drumbeat of leather boot heels rushed against the station’s boardwalk arrested my attention. As they grew nearer they slowed until the Western Union clerk stopped, feet from me, trying to catch his breath.
“Miss Kingman!” I still wasn’t use to my changed last name, “Misses Kingman… I have a telegram for you. It came in last night, from London.”
I took the slip of paper from him, the typewriter ink barely dried on the half chit of page. It was from Professor Enfield, of the British Museum…
“Jonathan, thank you for the message. Can you send this in reply… Nuts!” I placed the sheet in my leather bag and snapped the flap shut as I relayed my response to the clerk.
“Yes Ma’am right away Miss, Misses Kingman…”
“Jonathan?”
“Yes ma’am?”
“My name is Ashley, you don’t have to call me Misses Kingman.”
“Of course Misses Kingman, it’s just company policy is all.”
“Of course it is,” I rolled my eyes at the unescapable truth that to the world, Ashley Grisham didn’t exist anymore, and if tradition had its way, never would again.
The bell tolled on the locomotive as the conductor shouted his last warnings for the departing train. I hurried across the uneven decking and reached for the coach railing. I leapt onto the catwalk at the end if the train and peered off into the desert as if for an answer that never would appear. The engineer threw the throttle forward in the cab of steamer and I lurched slightly against the terminal handhold, my journey home on a detour once again. With a reluctant shrug, I turned and opened the door to the passenger coach door and stepped inside.
Jefferson Heyduke.
He was a bit of an eccentric for an alfalfa farmer, but he made for entertaining company on those boring rides through the desert. Jefferson and I went to school together over in Borrego. Friends always, there was a side of him society dare not view. He also had a keen taste for good Scotch, the trait my younger self admired most. Those days, he was also a partner in my clandestine endeavors, from a business standpoint that is.
“Hey Duke,” I smiled as the joke never got old.
“ Howdy Ash, how is the world of Misses Kingman these days?”
I shot a look of playful disapproval at his use of my married name.
“What? Hector is an honorable man. Maybe not who you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with but then again, where is he?” Hayduke’s mischievous smile betrayed his theory my legal spouse was technically cheating on me, perhaps with somebody he loved. I could only hope Hector was so lucky.
“Chicago,” was my simple answer.
“Isn’t she from…”
“Don’t start with me Heyduke!” I pause to collect my thoughts from his distraction.
“Anyhow. Your message said you have something for me?” I continued as I sat on the padded bench faced toward him in the passenger coach. I removed the brimmed hat from my head and ran my fingers through my hair to straighten it into place. I then discarded the headdress on the table between us.
“Aye, yes I do,” he smiled as he reached for the leather case placed neatly at his feet. The metal clasps snapped open and he rummaged through the container until he retrieved the article I spoke of. He drew the carved piece of wood from the confinement of his satchel and placed it next to my hat on the table.
“My dredging crew found this on a levy over near Thermal, shortly after opening the new floodgates there,” Heyduke explained as I took the relic into my grasp.
It appeared as only drift wood at first, until further inspection. Carved into the wood were ancient Central American script. I began to interpret them best I could when Heyduke interceded.
“de Anza wasn’t after Aztec gold. I believe, he thought he’d found the Fountain of Youth!”
He wasn’t lying, but it seemed the translation he’d ascertained and mine were slightly different.
“Fountain of Youth?”
“Well not exactly. The writing is a bit muddled but best I can tell that’s what he thinks he found!” his excitement hardly contained behind his thick curled mustache.
I read the scripted talisman again more carefully and it still made little sense, ‘to travel to another point in life’. It sounded like many of the legends of the Fountain, but still I had never heard it put quite that way.
“What do you think it all means Heyduke?”
“It means, we’re still in business, Ashley! For now,” he smiled with exuberant satisfaction.
“Yeah, about that,” I began, “We received a telegram from Professor Enfield this morning.”
I opened the flap on my purse and withdrew the chit of paper from the Western Union clerk. Heyduke took it from my gloved hand and adjusted his spectacles so he could read it aloud.
“Dear Miss Grisham… you never told him you were married!?”
“I didn’t feel it was pertinent, especially after Hector and I lost…” my voice trailed off at the painful recollection, “…Jack is never one to pry into my personal affairs anyway.”
“I’m sorry Ash.”
He took my hand to console me as any friend would, before he continued with the telegram, “It is my deepest regret to inform you, and your esteemed colleague, that the board of directors at the British Museum has suspended their sponsorship for you prolonged expedition…”
He stopped reading and crumpled the message in his hand, “fuck ‘em Ash. We’ll find it without them!”
I turned my head to stare out at the frozen sea of drifted sand which churned forever, until the copper mountains of the western horizon. They seemed another world, in a galaxy far away from that silent train car, almost alien compared to their surroundings of petrified molten oar and mesquite shrubs. I imagined for a moment, the ancient forces that created such a vast arid plain and the ocean which for time covered it. The history of the world was told in that geology, people were just never bothered enough to listen.
“Yeah, fuck’em…”