Shortly before a final paper with pre-assigned topics was due for one of my last courses at Columbia University, our professor sent us an email telling us to forego the previous parameters of the essay, and to instead write about the events that had occurred not even forty-eight hours earlier, as well as our reflections on them, to be done in any manner we chose. Here is a very lightly revised version of what I submitted: read it, ignore it, upvote it, downvote it, hate it, love it.
I am prefacing this essay by stating that it is the culmination of several intense emotions that I have been dealing with over the last few weeks, more specifically, the last several days. It is a free-form expression of the many things occupying my mind, and, as such, it may seem overwhelming or disjointed. Nevertheless, I will do my best to convey my feelings into something representative of my beliefs, and my time at this institution.
My time at Columbia University has been bookended in an almost comically bad way; it started with Zoom classes during the COVID-19 pandemic, and now it ends with Zoom final exams due to the lockdown of Columbia’s campus after protests regarding the Israel – Palestine conflict reached a fever pitch not just within Morningside Campus, but the international stage. My classmates and I missed in-person orientation, and now, given recent developments, we will not have a University Commencement, a fact I found out not from Columbia, but a New York Times alert, somehow lowering my opinion of this administration’s handling of recent events even more. While the circumstances around my time at Columbia have now both begun and finished in the same manner, I am proud to say that I have not. I do not mean that Columbia has simply made me a better writer, a more critical thinker, or more well read, although it certainly has done those things, sometimes forcing me to when I was not particularly in the mood to do so, but those improvements pale in comparison to the maturity and empathy my time at this university has given me.
When the decision to transition to remote learning during the Spring 2020 semester was made, occurring only a short time after I had received my acceptance letter (email), my first thought was how the pandemic would affect my transfer from community college to Columbia in September. Admittedly, this was a selfish perspective, considering the tremendous challenges that many would endure during the ensuing lockdowns and other upheavals of life. My concerns were solely focused on myself because I was on a simple track to graduate, place my degree on my resumé, and continue my trajectory of military service to college to employment, leaving little else to consideration, to include other people who were not in my immediate circle. Sitting here now, two weeks from graduation, with a job at a Fortune 500 company lined up, I should be happy, with the plans I had made years ago coming to fruition. Yet I cannot help feeling a sense of sadness and concern for the school I have spent years of my life at, and for the world as a whole.
James Hatch, a former member of the United States’s elite Naval Special Warfare Development Group, or DEVGRU, for short, more commonly known by its nickname, Seal Team Six, famous for its involvement in the killing of Osama Bin Laden and the rescue of the Maersk Alabama Captain Richard Phillips from pirates, amongst other things, spent over twenty years in the military. After being wounded on a mission to rescue American serviceman sergeant Bowe Bergdahl from enemy forces, he was medically discharged, and would eventually attend Yale University. While there, he wrote a piece titled My Semester with the Snowflakes (please give this a read, it will help people who have never been in the military understand its culture, along with some of the challenges veterans face when transitioning to college), where he details his initial discomfort with being in a vastly different environment than the military, surrounded by individuals who possessed opinions and beliefs contrary to the ones he was accustomed to. He recalls witnessing a student protest the country he spent over two decades serving by coating her hand in red paint, and leaving a palm print on an American flag, and details his shock when a classmate of his explained to him what a “safe space” was, as well as his pride when he began to understand the nuances of life both inside and outside of the nation he dedicated twenty-six years to.
I can relate to Mr. Hatch, (despite my service paling in comparison to his, as well as the fact that Columbia is far superior to Yale), because, like his friends who make fun of him for attending college with a bunch of “snowflakes,” mine do the same. More significantly, however, his personal growth during his time at school is something that I have experienced myself. When I started at Columbia, I did not even know which major I would choose, and was largely lost in a world very different than the one I had come from. Despite this, I made the decision to avoid communities such as MilVets and the students who made it very clear that they came from a military background, with their style of dress and demeanor, not because those organizations and individuals are a detriment; I know for a fact that MilVets has helped countless students succeed at Columbia and beyond, and the veterans that I have relationships with are all phenomenal people, but because I wanted to pressure myself into being exposed to something different. I was uncomfortable at first, but this turned out to be the right decision. I learned as much from simply talking to people whom I would normally never converse with about topics and ideas that I had never encountered as I did during classes about great works of art, polar and Cartesian coordinates, literature, astronomy, the list goes on.
If the protests about the Israel – Palestine conflict had occurred when I first started at Columbia, I would have been frustrated by the students taking up space, forcing us to be funneled on to campus by restricted access points and identification checks. Likely irritated by the disturbance of the quiet during finals season, I would have agreed with the people who called for students to simply focus on their assignments and stop inconveniencing others by shouting about something occurring on the other side of the world. Instead, I decided to learn about the conflict, educating myself about both sides of a war that has roots extending back millennia. While Columbia University did not agree to the demands of the protestors, they achieved something else they surely desired, reaching a goal they did not state to President Shafik and her advisors: they brought attention to their cause by educating at least one additional person about it.
After reading, talking to people, listening to input from students within various classes, and understanding that things such as the intertwined nature of financial workings, as well as conflicts not just in the Middle East, but all over the world, are a level of complexity that baffles some of the most brilliant minds of ours and previous generations, I will leave my thoughts about Israel and Palestine separate from this paper. I recognize that it is important to choose a side, as remaining impartial helps no one. However, when every news agency, group and individual makes their voice heard, satirical sources such as The Onion make these kind of posts, or Adult Swim’s Rick, the nihilistic, narcissistic, psychopathic, misanthropic lead character from the series Rick and Morty, addresses the conflict in this manner, I feel that it is better to relegate myself to a much smaller part of this debate, namely the occurrences on Columbia University’s Morningside Campus.
During basic training for the United States Army, a sense of brotherhood and camaraderie is hammered into recruits’ identities. When you graduate and are assigned to a unit, one where you could be thousands of miles from home on the opposite side of the country, or even in a completely different country, serving on one of the international bases, approaching someone who you have never met before is easy. Talking to them about shared experiences and stories you have in common, and the bonding that occurs, is the product of an indoctrination process and lifestyle that has existed longer than any of us have been alive, and is proof of its effectiveness. This sense of familiarity tends to continue even when one leaves the military. The Veterans of Foreign Wars community is a place for prior servicemembers of all conflicts to share a drink, a laugh, and sometimes a tear. When I go to the Veterans Administration Hospital for periodic check-ups or the occasional injury, men and woman wearing hats commemorating their service during Vietnam waiting for their appointments greet me with a smile and a handshake, as if we have known each other for years. While working at a golf club’s greens department before I transferred to Columbia from community college, a coworker of mine who had served in the Gulf War had heard from our supervisor that I had been in the Army, and he introduced himself to me on my first day, before anyone else, telling me that if I needed anything, I only had to ask. This camaraderie has expanded to encompass not just veterans, but first responders such as firemen, EMT’s, and the police as well.
Underneath the picture on my driver’s license, the word “veteran” is emblazoned next to a star, written in bright red text and all capital letters. I know for a fact that this one-and-a-half-inch indicator has helped me during interactions with law enforcement on multiple occasions. Only earlier this semester, during Presidents’ Day weekend, I went upstate to spend time with my family. While driving back, in an effort to make the seven-hour trip at a reasonable time, I was stopped for going twenty miles-per-hour over the speed limit. The officer who pulled me over, initially reserved, became noticeably more friendly when I handed him my license and registration. Ultimately, he gave me what amounted to a parking ticket for my actions, rather than the point-incurring, heavily fined moving violation he could have charged me with.
The ‘Thin Blue Line,’ as it is known, is a reference to the idea that the police are the barrier between law abiding citizens and criminals, order and chaos. The most common representation of this concept is a black-and-white American flag, with a single blue line in the place where a red or white stripe would normally be. This style has been expanded to include numerous other colors representing other first-responders: green for the military, red and white no longer to be interpreted as the traditional stripes of the American flag, but instead meant to represent the fire department and paramedics, and even grey for corrections officers. Seeing the appropriation of one of the most iconic symbols in the world, one that flies above the White House, schools, homes, national and international events, and even the Moon, I can say, as someone who has been unwillingly entangled within that appropriation, is nothing short of terrifying.
The fact that these entities and their supporters have literally sewn themselves into the fabric of the symbol of our nation makes one think that there is little room for the countless other occupations, aspects and people that make up this country. The idea of the police being the sole protectors of our society is patently absurd, and all one must do is point out the many instances of police brutality occurring over the years to refute it. I find myself thinking of how much power the officer who stopped me just three months ago had over me. Initially, I was happy that I had received a slap on the wrist, but recently I have found myself wondering what if my license did not state that I was a veteran, would he have charged me with a ticket that would have had much more serious implications? What if he was simply having a bad day, and he decided he did not like the look of me, or the color of my car, and I was the one who he ultimately decided to vent his frustrations on? This traffic infraction, an incredibly small incident compared to all the turmoil in the world, one that involves two strangers, supposedly bonded by our professions, on the side of a quiet, New York highway, serves as a metaphor to me, reminding me of the power structures at play on a much larger scale.
On April 22^nd, 2024, I received this email, one of the many Clery Crime Alerts that students are automatically sent. An affiliate of Columbia University had their car stolen at gunpoint by two masked men on Claremont Avenue, not even a five-minute walk from campus. I skimmed the report, and almost immediately forgot about it, recognizing that crime is an inevitability in major cities, and that I needed to start my commute to school. Days later, on the night of April 30^th, 2024, I received another email from Columbia, containing one of the most ominous messages I had ever seen, one that put the kind of fear in my heart that not even the alert of an armed carjacking could. Columbia’s Emergency Management Operations Team, offering no explanations, specifications, or even a greeting or sign-off, wrote in bold letters these three sentences: “Shelter in place for your safety due to heightened activity on the Morningside campus. Non-compliance may result in disciplinary action. Avoid the area until further notice.” Due to the protests on campus during recent weeks, President Shafik testifying before Congress, Columbia’s role as one of the main catalysts for student protests around the country, and the occupation of Hamilton Hall occurring in the earlier hours of that day, it was not hard to figure out what the email was referencing. Over the next several hours, I followed news agencies, remained glued to the Columbia subreddit, and listened to WKCR, in awe of these eighteen- to twenty-two-year-old students putting themselves at risk to deliver on the ground, accurate, unbiased coverage of one of the most significant events in the school’s history.
While tracking the events from multiple perspectives, to include the social media accounts of those near and on campus live streaming them, I held out hope that the university would make good on their promise from several days earlier to not invite the NYPD back, but a frightening picture began to unfold, one that I was intimately familiar with. One WKCR reporter stated that 114^th street had so many officers on it that he could not see the asphalt of the road beneath them, and I knew that the staging area the NYPD had chosen was one of the best routes for moving towards what the military, and presumably law enforcement, would call an ‘objective.’ The officers cleared the smaller ‘objective,’ the largely unoccupied tents in front of Butler, and then moved towards Hamilton Hall, ordering even those not associated with its occupation to disperse, raising my stress levels and likely those of others, as it is rarely a good sign when police do not want their actions recorded and archived. After the initial entry to campus and clearing of areas and people in the immediate vicinity of Hamilton Hall, came the Long-Range Acoustic Device, or LRAD, a device that makes a megaphone sound like a whisper, and one known for its crowd-control potential, capable of producing sounds loud enough to cause damage to ear-drums, nausea, and headaches, ordering individuals to clear away. The NYPD began its execution of tactics in a way that my fellow soldiers and I used to rehearse, tactics I never dreamed that I would witness outside of the military, and certainly not by police officers who vastly outnumbered unarmed students on their own campus. The NYPD created a perimeter, or a ‘second layer of security’ to both provide reinforcements for the officers entering the building, and to prevent the fleeing of what are called ‘squirters,’ or individuals who attempt to escape the building after the raid begins. While the ‘breach’ team moved towards the front doors, using tools from a ‘hooligan kit,’ such as bolt cutters, hand-held battering rams and crowbars, a siege machine was brought in to allow access from a window; when taking over a building, the idea is to enter it from as many different directions as possible to better disorient and overwhelm its occupants. Flash-bang grenades, described as non-lethal, but known to have harmful effects, were thrown inside, presumably before entering any room, hallway, or otherwise enclosed area to minimize the resistance of anyone unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of what can only be described as an assault on the visual and auditory senses. According to the Manhattan District Attorney, one of the officers inside Hamilton Hall had what is called in the military a “negligent discharge,” meaning his firearm went off unintentionally. While no one was hurt, the question remains why at least one, and more likely, numerous other officers were carrying guns loaded with live ammunition in the first place, when they so drastically outmatched the protestors in numbers and equipment. Additionally, a negligent discharge is an act of incompetence that would result in an active-duty soldier facing serious consequences, and derision from his peers. So far, the officer remains defended by his coworkers, and unpunished by his superiors.
As all this unfolded, I communicated with my friends from the past and present. My friends from the military checked on me to ensure that I was okay, as did my friends from school. The difference in how they viewed these events highlights what I believe is the change in myself that I stated I am most proud of at the beginning of this paper. My friends from the military were commenting that the assertion of order and control by way of militarized tactics was necessary, not concerning themselves with the human toll and destruction of trust that came along with it. Conversely, my schoolmates lamented the brutality and overstepping of boundaries that the NYPD and Columbia’s administration committed, one that turned a place meant to be a beacon of free speech, expression, and ideas, into what is now a police-state with strict control over who enters it.
My education inside and outside the classroom at this institution has challenged, thrilled, and changed me. Sitting here now, at the end of this paper, the end of the semester, and the end of my time at Columbia University, I am left feeling confused and sad regarding recent events, but also hopeful for the future. I know from experience that the students, teachers, and culture of this school have the power to encourage critical thinking and initiate personal growth. If it did those things for me, surely it can do the same for others

TL;DR- got a random check in the mail from an online checking/credit co. & customer service verified it was legit, but still seems a little sus. Should I deposit it?
Ok- I got a check in the mail today with a letter attached to it. The sender (and check issuer) is Blue Ridge Bank out of Virginia. The letter is written in English and says "The enclosed check represents the remaining balance in your account with Seis account number ending in...." then goes on to say they elected to close the account and if I have questions contact Seis at the email listed.
Well, I didn't recognize any of this, so I looked for Seis online. Apparently it is an online/app only financial service that offers accounts and credit cards but specializes in Spanish-only customers. I found their website and called customer service (luckily I speak enough Spanish and the agent enough English it worked) agent said that an account was opened in my name, DOB, address, and last 4 of my SSN (did not give whole) with a $78 deposit in October, then $58 was sent to a Winden Bank, and those were the only transactions. So the check is the $15 balance upon closure.
One more thing, Seis has a FB account that lists Utah as the address and was created in 2021, TT created 2021, Insta in 2022, and YT in 2022. Then, if you read the fine print at the bottom of their website it says banking services provided by thread bank.
Is this some sort of highly elaborate scam? Should I just deposit the check? Try to find a Blue Ridge Bank and see about cashing it? Just shred it? Also- this is the second random check I've gotten in the mail in the last 3 days... first one was from a company I recognized, also an online lending institution. But I was holding that one too cuz still seemed sus, but now? SUPER sus, right?!

Manhattan Project B Reactor Tours The B Reactor National Historic Landmark, Richland Daily, 8:30a-12:30p Free
My Rad Art Lab After School Program Art Your Way, Pasco 4p $29/class, $99/mo (4 classes)
Columbia Basin College Annual Juried Student Art Show CBC, Pasco Thru June 6 7:30a-5p
SageFen Maker Fest II Red Lion Hotel & Conference Center, Pasco May 17-19 10-4p
The Sound of Music Vibe Music and Performing Arts Center May 17-18 Times vary
Auditions for Equivocation By Bill Cain The Richland Players, Richland May 19-20 6-9p
Poker Richland Community Center May 16-17 1p

Wednesday May 15

Classes
Whimsy Apothecary Candle Class Goose Ridge Estates, Richland 5:30-7:30p $65/non-mem
Fresh Pasta Class Layered Cake Artistry, Kennewick 5-7p $85
Cooking Classes - Summer Grilling Series-Grilled Mahi Mahi w/Peach Mango, Cilantro Lime Jasmine Rice, and Grilled Asparagus Red Mountain Kitchen, Kitchen 6-8:30p $Unk
Puzzle club Andventures Underground, Richland 11a
Games and Comedy
Bingo at Summer's Hub, Kennewick 5-7p
Game Night Live at Two Bits and a Bite, Richland 7-9p
Open Mic Night Tumbleweeds West, West Richland 5-8p
Sporting
Tri-Cities Dust Devils vs Hillsboro Hops Gesa Stadium, Pasco 1:30-5:30p $8-46
Music
Isolation Big Band with Carmichael Middle School Jazz Band The Emerald of Siam, Richland 6p
Jazz Jams at The Emerald The Emerald of Siam, Richland 6p-8p

Thursday May 16

Classes
Beginning Brush Lettering Workshop Philocaly Lingerie Boutique, Kennewick 7-9p $Unk
Paint your own Planter! Chills Froyo and Custard, Kennewick 6-8p
Events
Back-To-School Immunization Clinic by BFHD Kennewick Health District Mothership 2-6p
Hat Burning Workshop + Fundraiser for Alzheimer's Research Chandler Reach Estate, Benton City $85pp
Albariño Master Class Barnard Griffin, Richland 6:30-8:30p $35 non-mem
They Want Our Rhythm, but Not Our Blues: African American Innovation through Pop Culture Lecture Museum at Keewaydin 7p-8p Free
LIGO Science & Art Showcase LIGO Hanford Observatory, Richland 5-8p Free
Thursday Afternoon Book Club Richland Public Library 1:30-2:30p
Grandma Niesie's Storytime Adventures Underground, Richland 11a-12p
Games and Comedy
Geeks Who Drink The Emerald of Siam 7p
Tri-Trivia Night Summers Hub, Kennewick 6p
Solar Spirits Trivia and Taco Truck Solar Spirits Distillery & Tasting Room, Richland 6-8p
Game Night Live Round Table Pizza, Kennewick 5-7p
Mah-Jongg Richland Community Center 1-3:30p
Sporting
Tri-Cities Dust Devils vs Hillsboro Hops Gesa Stadium, Pasco 6:30-10p $8-46

Friday May 17

Classes
Intro Into Gelli Printing Bristle Art Gallery, Kennewick 1p $45
Events and Games
CBC Health Sciences Information Sessions Health Sciences Center, Richland 8a-2p
3rd Friday Dance Richland Community Center 1-3:45p $10pp
Solar Spirits Trivia and Taco Truck Solar Spirits Distillery & Tasting Room 6-8p
Trivia! with Heat Entertainment Tumbleweeds West, West Richland 7-10p
Third Fridays Columbia Gardens Wine & Artisan Village, Kennewick 4-8p Free
Card Show Night Edition at Summer's HUB of Kennewick Summers Hub, Kennewick 4-9p Free
Vinyasa Flow With Susie Red Jasper Studops 4:30-5:30p $20
Twist Clothing Company 15th Anniversary Fashion Show and Fundraiser Twist Clothing Co, Kennewick 5-8p $20
Wine and Mushroom Tasting with Chesed Farms Barnard Griffin Winery, Richland 6:30p $75non-mem
Book Club Richland Community Center 1-3p
Potluck Dinner Richland Community Center 4:30-6p
Music and Comedy
Gabriel Knutzen Goose Ridge Winery 5-7p
Jack Rothwell Tumbleweeds West, Richland 7-10p
Key Lewis Comedy Show Jokers Comedy Club, Richland 7:30-9p $12
Fallout The Branding Iron, Kennewick 9p-1:30a $5
Baduku and Bahuru Columbia Gardens Night Market, Kennewick 5-7p
Lost Ox Emerald of Siam, Richland 9p $10 cover
Stephanie Steele Pop/Jazz Trio Emerald of Siam, Richland 5-8p
Sporting
Tri-Cities Dust Devils vs Hillsboro Hops Gesa Stadium, Pasco 6:30-10p $8-46
Outdoor Fitness Class- ALL AGES WELCOME Southridge Sports & Events Complex, Kennewick 9:45-10-45a $7pp

Saturday May 18

Events
Petting Zoo/Hobby Farm Jostens Petting Zoo 10a $8
Puppies & Posies by Pronto Puppy Rescue Mac's Garden Center, Pasco 12-4p
Pasco Farmers Market Downtown Pasco, Lewis St 9-1p
Spring Market Vino Yasa Hedges Estate, Benton City 10a-12p
25th Anniversary Barrel Room Dinner Goose Ridge Estates, Richland 6-9p $200/nonmem
Farmer's Market Tour and Cooking Demo Ciao Trattoria, Pasco 9:45a-12:30p
FCSC/4-H Joint AM -PM Schooling Show Franklin County Saddle Club, Pasco Starts at 8a
Connie Hampton Connally, Conversation and Book Signing Barnes & Noble, Kennewick 12p
2024 Gentleman's Ride Richland 4-5p
Pokemon May League Challenge Casters, Richland 11a registration
Metaphysical Market Uptown Shopping Center, Richland 10a-4p
Classes
Paint your Partner Night Honeycomb Studio, Kennewick 6-8p $50pair
Paint your Pet Art YOUR Way, Pasco 6-8p $70
Paint & Craft night Anything Grows, Richland 5:30-8:30p
Special Topics In Pelvic Health - Gender Affirming Care, Hypermobility, and Nocturia Therapy Solutions, Richland 9a-4p
Mosaic Dragonfly Workshop Allied Arts Association: Gallery at the Park 1-3:30p $80pp
Music/Comedy
Dysfunctional Society / Pazzi Pazzi The Emerald of Siam, Richland 9p
Guitar Gathering Blackthorne Neighbourhood Pub, Kennewick 1-3p
Mia Lenay Summers Hub, Kennewick 5:30-7:30p
Karaoke Night Wine Social, Richland 8-11p
Mid-Columbia Symphony Concert "Young Artists & Joyful Voices", Mid-Columbia Mastersingers KHS AUditorium, Kennewick 7:30-9:30p $15-70
Key Lewis Comedy Show Jokers Comedy Club, Richland 7:30-9p $12
Jeff Davis at The Underground Taphouse The Underground Taphouse, Pasco 8-10p
Fallout The Branding Iron, Kennewick 9p-1:30a $5
Live Music with Keith Scott Rattlesnake Mountain Brewing Company, Richland 7-10p
Elaine Eagle The Emerald of Siam, Richland 5-8p
Sport
Tri-Cities Dust Devils vs Hillsboro Hops Gesa Stadium, Pasco 6:30-10p $8-46
Midget Mayhem Wrestling & Brawling LIVE Pasco Eagles 5-7p and 8-10p $Unk, but can you really put a price on a show as this?
2nd Annual St. Joseph's Legacy Golf Tournament Canyon Lakes Golf Course, Kennewick 11a check-in, 1p gun start $160/pp $600 team/4
Plyometrics, Agility, & Speed Training- ALL ATHLETES WELCOME Southridge Sports & Events Complex, Kennewick 10:45-11:45a $7p
UKI Gamble fun match Fetch Sam, Pasco 1p
Lifted Ecstatic Dance - Flower Child Edition with Jennifer Lifted Lotus Yoga 2-3:30p $5 donation
PFLAGS Walk and Roll 3k Chiawana Park, Pasco 10a-1p
Better Together Spring 2024 5K Celebration Howard Amon Park, RIchland 8a

Sunday 19

Classes
Spring Fling Charcuterie Workshop Elk Haven Winery, Pasco 1-3p $Unk
Nutrition 101 Class Natural Grocers, Kennewick Sundays, 1p FREE
Chef's Wine Pairing Dinner Monterosso's Italian Restauraunt, Richland 5:30p $86pp
Goat Yoga with Bumper and Bliss The Studio Bespoke, Richland 1p $30pp
Events
Yu-Gi-Oh! Casual Play Caterpillar Cafe, Richland 12-4p
Adopt a Pet Day! Summer's Hub, Kennewick 11a-3p
Spring Blooms Floral Workshop Muret-Gaston Wine Bar, Kennewick 3-6p $65
Tumbleweed Pet Vaccine and Microchip Event Horse Heaven Hills Pet Urgent Care, Kennewick 8a-2p
Canvas Blowout Sale! Crepe Haus + El Compadre Restaurant, Kennewick 1-5p
Pokemon Pre-Release Twilight Masquerade Adventures Underground, Richland 11:30a-2:30p $35pp
Sport
Tri-City Dust Devils vs. Hillsboro Hops Gesa Stadium, Pasco 6:30p-10p $8-$45
Music
JJ Ofrancia Howard Amon Park, Richland 1-4p
Dustin Stecker celebration show with The Van Dels and Ghost Motor, and Mad Ruby Ray's Golden Lion, Richland 5p $10pp

Monday 20

LGBTQIA+ Craft Social Richland Public Library 6:30-8:30p Free
Moving Mondays with Jo Miller Summer's Hub, Kennewick 5:30p7:30p
Beers & Bikes Night Summers Hub 5-8p
Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night Moonshot Brewing, Kennewick 6:30-9p
Open Mic Night The Emerald of Siam, Richland 7p-12a Free

Tuesday 21

Beers and Bike N' Bikes Summers Hub Tuesdays 5-8p
Bingo Night at Wine Social 6:30-8:30p
Trivia Night Parkade Bar & Grill 7-10p
Game Night Live Trivia Iconic Brewing, Richland 6-8p
Music-Live Solo Guitar Music! Peter Janson Emerald of Siam, Richland 6-8p
allevents.in and visittri-cities.com

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA999333
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I(29F) made my step-father(50M) an outsider at my wedding that he paid for. I need to make it up to him but I dont know how.
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: child abandonment, emotional manipulation, possible exploitation
Original Post: May 6, 2024
I ruined the memory of the best day of my life because I was too blind to see what I was doing was hurting one of the most important people in my life. I got married 2 months ago to the love of my life, and he finally opened my eyes to what I did. He showed me the perspective I didnt understand.
When I was 5 my father left us. Just disappeared without trace. He and my mom were already separated by that point, but he was still living with us. 3 years later my mom started dating Rob. He was quite a bit younger than she was, I belive she was 34 and he was 26. Today he is very wealthy (he wasnt when he met my mom) and he treats my mother like a queen. Whenever she is around him she looks like the happiest person in the world. My younger sister looks a lot like me and mom, but her personality is for sure a reflexion of her dad, always telling jokes and being just a nice person all around while me and my mom are more serious and cold.
As I got older, Rob became more present in my life he got married to my mom and she got pregnant. But it was still pretty weird seeing him as a father figure mostly because people would asume he was my brother all the time. When I was in HS, I was dating this boy, and he broke up with me at my friends house. My mom was on a night shift and I had to ask Rob to pick me up. When he did, he conforted me, took me to get ice cream, and when we got home he told me something like this (without knowing what happened) "whoever made you sad doesnt understand that you are the best girl in the world, and its their loss. Dont beat yourself up because other people are too stupid to see it"
I just said to him "I wish you were my dad". He smiled and said that he wished that too, and he could be if I wanted to. We left it at that. I never called him dad. But from that point foward I saw him as a father and I think he knows it.
I finally reconected to my biological father about an year ago. It happened because I got engaged. When I came to my mom's house one day, he was there and I couldnt even recongnise him. He was way thiner than he was when I was a kid. He struggled for years with depression and substance abuse. My mom and Rob actually helped him get clean and they even paid for his stay at a great reabilitation center. They decided together that it was time for me to finally meet him again.
I dont want to explore much on how this was, but all I have to say is that im glad to have him back in my life and im glad for being able to help him heal. He sufered a lot, he got lost. But now he is at least trying.
Rob and my mother payed for everything at my wedding, and everything was amaizing. The church was beautiful, my husband looked amaizing. The one mistake I made: I chose my biological father over Rob. I chose the man that did abandon me for over 20 years over the one the took me as his own and gave me everything he could when he didnt have to. I chose the man that broke my mothers heart over the one that saved her. I dont know why I did what I did. Looking back on it I feel so fucking stupid. My dad didnt deserve to walk me down the aisle. My dad dint deserve to be in all the pictures with my mom and my husbands parents. It should have been Rob.
I dont know, I think I was compensating for the time lost with my dad. Everything was still so fresh with him. I was helping him out, he talked to me everyday, I felt like he deserved to be back in my life.
When we were deciding who would give speeches, we had to cut some because it was just too many and me and my husband didnt really like the idea of hearing speeches for and hour and a half. So we decided for 5 people each. When I gave the list to my husband he even asked "no Rob?" And I said "yeah, my mom is already doing one". The others I chose were 2 of my bridesmaids, my mom, my sister (she really pushed for it) and, again, my dad. My husband said I should reconsider, He even thought of giving up one of his to put Rob in. I said it was fine, he didnt need to do that. My whole thinking when doing this was that Rob has my sister. He will have his moment. This was the only chance my dad had.
But I went too far. I completly cut him out of the party basically. If you look at the photos it doesnt even look like he went. My mom looks like she is faking a smile in half the pictures. I dont have a single picture with him. He only apears in group pictures, and some with my husband.
I only realised all of this when I texted Rob 2 days ago, asking him about a gift im giving my husbands for his birthday. He anwsered. Then asked about my car that is with a mecanic friend of his. He awnsered. Then I asked him something about my insurance. He did not anwser. A little over an hour later my mom called me. She just said "do you have no shame? Do you not understand what you did?" I just listend and she told me not to talk to Rob for now. I was just so fucking confused. I got home and told my husband and he just said that he knows what she is referencing but he will talk to her first.
Later, he showed me the wedding photos, he went step by step on everything I have listed here. He talked calmly, and broke it down for me. By the end I was crying so much that I had a headache. What an inconsiderate idiot I am. He told me that he and my mom didnt tell me anything before the party because Rob asked them not to. He understood that it was important for me for my father to be a big part of this day and when they protested he said that they should not make me worry about these small things.
I dont know what changed from before the party to now. My mom only tells me that he needs a bit of time and that he will talk to me soon. My husband keeps telling me that I made a mistake but Rob will be understanding and will forgive me. And I know that he will. He 100% has already forgiven me. He probably felt something when I was texting him that day that broke him down. I dont know what I said to trigger him at that moment, but also it doesnt really matter. I did the real damage at the party probably since he apeared to be fine with everything else before it (It was not fine by any means)
I have to make it up to him. I dont know how but I just do. I guess im just writing this here because im a little lost. Im too ashamed to talk about it with anyone else I know apart from my mom and husband. She doesnt tell me anything and my husband keeps insiting that everything will be fine and for me not to worry too much about it. And he is probably right but I feel like me not worrying about this is just being incosiderate to Rob again. I have to worry. I just dont know what to do.
Im now at work, and the only thing I can think about is this. Nothing else matters to me right now.
If someone has any kind of idea of how I can make it up to him I would greatly appreciate it.
Edit: Literally 40 minutes after I uploaded this, my mom texted me saying that Rob wants to speak to me tonight.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the situation of her insurance and Rob

OOP: Actually, Rob does not pay for my insurance. He only helped me set it up. And this is not about money at all, I make more than enough money and my husband is also very well off. Rob and my mom paid for the wedding because they wanted to. They told me it would be their gift for me and they gave me the money to use it on the wedding. My husbands family gave us a sum to help pay for our new house.
But your comment made me realise that this might be the problem, he might think im using him for money. That just breaks my heart. I do not want his money. I would happly take myself out of the my mom's will and his (if he has me in it, which he probably does), if it means I can fix this.
Also, he was not rich at all when he met my mom. He became successful after their marriage. Just to clarify.

OOP on why she didn’t plan the wedding photos ahead of time

OOP: My plan was that I wanted spontanious pictures and the photographer had to be changed last minute. In my head it worked out fine, what I wanted was to have the "important" pictures taken early, bridesmades, groomsman and family and later on have just spontanious pictures.
It was something I was too stuck on, this notion of "wasting time" doing pictures, speaches, etc.
But that was such dumb thinking. Thats what wedding are for.
At the end of the day though, everything went great apart from this disastrous oversight of mine.

Top Comments
RevolutionaryHat8988: I want to hug Rob. We all need a Rob in our lives.
Deleted Commenter: You’re almost 30 and needed all of this pointed out to you?
You made multiple conscious choices to exclude Rob from your wedding and only cared after you brought up an issue with your insurance: another thing he helped to pay for.
At your age you should know that choices have consequences.
I’m not sure there is anything you can do to make up for the choices you made.
 
Update May 9, 2024
First, I want to say some things before posting:

1. No, I am not Linda, my biological father isnt dying. Got a DM in here asking.
   
2. My sister is mostly just sad, not really mad at me. Just said she understood my situation but it still was really shitty seeing her father taken for granted and sad.
   
3. My mother is the person most pissed off at me at the moment. She is the only one that still does not talk to me. I mean she does, but not really.
   
4. For the people saying my husband and mother were idiots for not talking to me before: they agree and have told me this. My husband specially. Im not trying to shift blame here, just saying this for the people that talked about it
   

I was not going to post anything else on here. Not a fan of being called names and for people to keep saying that Rob should leave our family. Although Im well aware that I deserve most of everything that was said about me. The coments saying "the apple doesnt fall far from the tree" in regaards to me and my biological father were the ones that hurt the most as it is a fear of mine and the reason I dont drink much and dont use any drugs or anything that could be addictive. But seing how there are other things that could make us more similar than I realised is really frightening.
The day I posted here, my mom told me Rob wanted to speak to me and to go to their home after work. I went and waited for Rob to arrive. When he did my mom left us alone and he started off by saying that he was hurt by what I did at the wedding, that he knows he is not my father and that he would never try to force that on me, but that he at least thought he had some sort of importance in my life and seeing me just not give him any importance apart from talking to him when I need help with something made him realise that I do not view him the he thought I did.
At this point I was already crying so much that I couldnt even talk. I waited for him to finish and when he did I just told basically what you all saw in the post. That I fucked up bad, that I was incosiderate, that he is one of the most importante people in my life and that what I did was unforgivable.
The only reason I am posting it here is because of something during the conversation. He said something about my time at college and I went "but that was because..." and stoped. He asked me "what? because of what" I just said "nothing, you are right, that was my fault and I should have done better".
He was pretty angry at that point and he started to smile and we talked about me taking responsibility for my actions. Its something I am terrible at, it was an issue at my old job and since then I have been trying to be better at it but not very successfuly. He asked what changed and I told him about the post. Multiple people in the comments said that I dont take responsibility and yes, they read right through me. I showed it to him and reading the post calmed him down.
And no, he did not read the comments, just the ones I showed it to him, I would not let him see what some of you were saying about my mom.
So yes, he told me if I was going to say something else to thank you people for calling me out for not taking responsibility.
We talked about a lot of other things not related to the wedding. At the end I just told him that there were 2 things I wanted to say for him to take away from this conversation: I really did mean it when I was in HS and said that I wished he was my dad. Even now, with my biological dad in my life. I still feel that way. And the second thing is that I know that it will be hard for him to belive it right now because of what happened, but I will try to prove it to him for as long as it takes.
For those interested, I`ve been going to a therapist with my biological father once every 2 weeks since he came back, but I think I need one for myself so I will try to make it happen soon.
I want to thank 3 particular commenters that helped me.

1. The person that told me to take it slow with Rob and dmed me to stop looking at the thread cause I was spiraling.
   
2. The one that said: "People fuck up. Sometimes badly. But in a loving and caring family it's never the end of things as long as you are willing to own your mistakes."
   
3. And most importantly the best comment that was fair and gave me the right advice: "You are a spoilt, selfish, childish person. I don’t know that rob will forgive you but you can’t simply wait to see if he does. Write him a letter in which you fully own up to your awful behaviour. Do not say “I wish someone had stopped me” - that isn’t taking accountability for the way you treat people. With him and your mom paying for your wedding and your in laws paying for your house - you need to grow up and reflect very seriously on how you interact with everyone around you."
   

I guess the post served as the letter in the scenario, thank you, that was the slap in the face I needed to realise that I need to do a lot of work to improve myself and that the wedding was not its own thing, it was a reflection of who I am right now and I dont like what I see when I look in the mirror. Also, Rob more or less told me something similar, just not as a agressive, so this comment made me take his words as not him atacking me, but trying to help me understand my flaws.
Im not sure how I will make up for this. Rob is telling me that over time, just me being how I was before my biological father showed up will be enough for him. I dont doubt him but its not enough for me. I will live with what I did for the rest of my life. I will always remember.
The way I am now I actually need people to call me out for this kinds of things and its not fair to them. I will work on it, I have to. I will try my hardest to not ever hurt anyone I love this way again. Thankfully now I have someone in my husband to help me do that and call me out if needed. Thank you.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Is it even possible? Can a person or family member call a correctional facility and ask for an inmate? Or can a message be given to an inmate?
What about a written letter? How does that work? Do I need a special number to write on the envelope or can I just send it addressed using the inmate's name with the facility's address? What if the letter is the correct name, but sent to the wrong facility?
Trying to find a friend (a person I've known since childhood who is in a correctional facility for a non violent offence) who is going through a hard time and I think could use a friend right now. However, finding anyone that still connects with this person is proving to be really difficult. This person called me, but ended the call in a way that sounded like a goodbye, which I believe is because this person thought I didn't want to speak to them. So am wondering if it's possible to call or write. (They're good people, just bad circumstances.)
I have no idea how any of this works. Any advice would be great. Thanks.
(Also, apologies if this violates any rule. Not my intention, however I could use some answers on how this works so hoping it doesn't get taken down.)

III. Changing Modes of Making It: From Horatio Alger to the Happy Hooker
…
From “Self-Culture” to Self-Promotion through “Winning Images”
In the nineteenth century, the ideal of self-improvement degenerated into a cult of compulsive industry. P.T. Barnum, who made a fortune in a calling the very nature of which the Puritans would have condemned (“Every calling, whereby God will be Dishonored; every Calling whereby none but the Lusts of men are Nourished: …every such Calling is to be Rejected”), delivered many times a lecture frankly entitled “The Art of Money-Getting,” which epitomized the nineteenth-century conception of worldly success. Barnum quoted freely from Franklin but without Franklin’s concern for the attainment of wisdom or the promotion of useful knowledge. “Information” interested Barnum merely as a means of mastering the market. Thus he condemned the “false economy” of the farm wife who douses her candle at dusk rather than lighting another for reading, not realizing that the “information” gained through reading is worth far more than the price of the candles. “Always take a trustworthy newspaper,” Barnum advised young men on the make, “and thus keep thoroughly posted in regard to the transactions of the world. He who is without a newspaper is cut off from his species.”
Barnum valued the good opinion of others not as a sign of one’s usefulness but as a means of getting credit. “Uncompromising integrity of character is invaluable.” The nineteenth century attempted to express all values in monetary terms. Everything had its price. Charity was a moral duty because “the liberal man will command patronage, which the sordid, uncharitable miser will be avoided.” The sin of pride was not that it offended God but that it led to extravagant expenditures. “A spirit of pride and vanity, when permitted to have full sway, is the undying cankerworm which gnaws the very vitals of a man’s worldly possessions.”
The eighteenth century made a virtue of temperance but did not condemn moderate indulgence in the service of sociability. “Rational conversation,” on the contrary, appeared to Franklin and his contemporaries to represent an important value in its own right. The nineteenth century condemned sociability itself, on the grounds that it might interfere with business. “How many good opportunities have passed, never to return, while a man was sipping a ‘social glass’ with his friends!” Preachments on self-help now breathed the spirit of compulsive enterprise. Henry Ward Beecher defined “the beau ideal of happiness” as a state of mind in which “a man [is] so busy that he does not know whether he is or is not happy.” Russell Sage remarked that “work has been the chied, and you might say, the only source of pleasure in my life.”
Even at the height of the Gilded Age, however, the Protestant ethic did not completely lose its original meaning. In the success manuals, the McGuffey readers, the Peter Parley Books, and the hortatory writings of the great capitalists themselves, the Protestant virtues - industry, thrift, temperance - still appeared not merely as stepping-stones to success but as their own reward.
The spirit of self-improvement lived on, in debased form, in the cult of “self-culture” - proper care and training of mind and body, nurture of the mind through “great books,” development of “character.” The social contribution of individual accumulation still survived as an undercurrent in the celebration of success, and the social conditions of early industrial capitalism, in which the pursuit of wealth undeniably increased the supply of useful objects, gave some substance to the claim that “accumulated capital means progress.” In condemning speculation and extravagance, in upholding the importance of patient industry, in urging young men to start at the bottom and submit to “the discipline of daily life,” even the most unabashed exponents of self-enrichment clung to the notion that wealth derives its value from its contribution to the general good and to the happiness of future generations.
The nineteenth-century cult of success placed surprisingly little emphasis on competition. It measured achievement not against the achievements of others but against an abstract ideal of discipline and self-denial. At the turn of the century, however, preachments on success began to stress the will to win. The bureaucratization of the corporate career changed the conditions of self-advancement; ambitious young men now had to compete with their peers for the attention and approval of their superiors. The struggle to surpass the previous generation and to provide for the next gave way to a form of sibling rivalry, in which men of approximately equal abilities jostled against each other in competition for a limited number of places. Advancement now depended on “will-power, self-confidence, energy, and initiative” - the qualities celebrated in such exemplary writings as George Lorimer’s Letters from a Self-Made Merchant to His Son. ” By the end of the nineteenth century,” writes John Cawelti in his study of the success myth, “self-help books were dominated by the ethos of sales-manship and boosterism. Personal magnetism, a quality which supposedly enabled a man to influence and dominate others, became one of the major keys to success.” In 1907, both Lorimer’s Saturday Evening Post and Orison Swett Marden’s Success magazine inaugurated departments of instruction in the “art of conversation,” fashion, and “culture.” The management of interpersonal relations came to be seen as the essence of self-advancement. The captain of industry gave way to the confidence man, the master of impressions. Young men were told that they had to sell themselves in order to succeed.
At first, self-testing through competition remained almost in-distinguishable from moral self-discipline and self-culture, but the difference became unmistakable when Dale Carnegie and then Norman Vincent Peale restated and transformed the tradition of Mather, Franklin, Barnum, and Lorimer. As a formula for success, winning friends and influencing people had little in common with industry and thrift. The prophets of positive thinking disparaged “the old adage that hard work alone is the magic key that will unlock the door to our desires.” They praised the love of money, officially condemned even by the crudest of Gilded Age materialists, as a useful incentive. “You can never have riches in great quantities,” wrote Napoleon Hill in this Think and Grow Rich,” unless you can work yourself into a white heat of desire for money.” The pursuit of wealth lost the few shreds of moral meaning that still clung to it. Formerly the Protestant virtues appeared to have an independent value of their own. Even when they became purely instrumental, in the second half of the nineteenth century, success itself retained moral and social overtones, by virtue of its contribution to the sum of human comfort and progress. Now success appeared as an end in its own right, the victory over your competitors that alone retained the capacity to instill a sense of self-approval. The latest success manuals differ from earlier ones - even surpassing the cynicism of Dale Carnegie and Peale - in their frank acceptance of the need to exploit and intimidate others, in their lack of interest in the substance of success, and in the candor with which they insist that appearances - “winning images - count for more than performance, ascription for more than achievement. One author seems to imply that the self consists of little more than its “image” reflected in others’ eyes. “Although I’m not being original when I say it, I’m sure you’ll agree that the way you see yourself will reflect the image you portray to others.” Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
<The American Religion by Harold Bloom (California Orphism)>
The Apotheosis of Individualism
The fear that haunted the social critics and theorists of the fifties - that rugged individualism had succumbed to conformity and “love-pressure sociability” - appears in retrospect to have been premature. In 1960, David Riesman complained that young people no longer had much social “presence,” their education having provided them not with “a polished personality but [with] an affable, casual, adaptable one, suitable to the losing organizations of an affluent society.” It is true that “a present-oriented hedonism,” as Riseman went on the argue, has replaced the work ethic “among the very classes which in the earlier stages of industrialization were oriented toward the future, toward distant goals and delayed gratification.” But this hedonism is a fraud; the pursuit of pleasure disguises a struggle for power. Americans have not really become more sociable and cooperative, as the theorists of other-direction and conformity would like us to believe; they have merely become more adept at exploiting the conventions of interpersonal relations for their own benefit. Activities ostensibly undertaken purely for enjoyment often have the real object of doing others in. It is symptomatic of the underlying tenor of American life that vulgar terms for sexual intercourse also convey the sense of getting the better of someone, working him over, taking him in, imposing your will through guile, deception, or superior force. Verbs associated with sexual pleasure have acquired more than the usual overtones of violence and psychic exploitation. In the violent world of the ghetto, the language of which now pervades American society as a whole, the violence associated with sexual intercourse is directed with special intensity by men against women, specifically against their mothers. The language of ritualized aggression and abuse reminds those who use it that exploitation is the general rule and some form of dependence the common fate, that “the individual,” in Lee Rainwater’s words, “is not strong enough or adult enough to achieve his goal in a legitimate way, but is rather like a child, dependent on others who tolerate his childish maneuvers”; accordingly males, even adult males, often depend on women for support and nurture. Many of them have to pimp for a living, ingratiating themselves with a woman in order to pry money from her; sexual relations thus become manipulative and predatory. Satisfaction depends on taking what you want instead of waiting for what is rightfully yours to receive. All this enters everyday speech in language that connects sex with aggression and sexual aggression with highly ambivalent feelings about mothers.
In some ways middle-class society has become a pale copy of the black ghetto, as the appropriation of its language would lead us to believe. We do not need to minimize the poverty of the ghetto or the suffering inflicted by whites on blacks in order to see that the increasingly dangerous and unpredictable conditions of middle-class life have given rise to similar strategies for survival. Indeed the attraction of black culture for disaffected whites suggests that black culture now speaks to a general condition, the most important feature of which is a widespread loss of confidence in the future. The poor have always had to live for the present, but now a desperate concern for personal survival, sometimes disguised as hedonism, engulfs the middle class as well. Today almost everyone lives in a dangerous world from which there is little escape. International terrorism and blackmail, bombings, and hijackings arbitrarily affect the rich and poor alike. Crime, violence, and gang wars make cities unsafe and threaten to spread to the suburbs. Racial violence on the streets and in the schools creates an atmosphere of chronic tension and threatens to erupt at any time into full-scale racial conflict. Unemployment spreads from the poor the white-collar class, while inflation eats away the savings of those who hoped to retire in comfort. Much of what is euphemistically known as the middle class, merely because it dresses up to go to work, is now reduced to proletarian conditions of existence. Many white-collar jobs require no more skill and pay even less than blue-collar jobs, conferring little status or security. The propaganda of death and destruction, emanating ceaselessly from the mass media, adds to the prevailing atmosphere of insecurity. Far-flung famines, earthquakes in remote regions, distant wars and uprisings attract the same attention as events closer to home. The impression of arbitrariness in the reporting of disaster reinforces the arbitrary quality of experience itself, and the absence of continuity in the coverage of events, as today’s crisis yields to a new and unrelated crisis tomorrow, adds to the sense of historical discontinuity - the sense of living in a world in which the past holds out no guidance to the present and the future has become completely unpredictable.
Older conceptions of success presupposed a world in rapid motion, in which fortunes were rapidly won and lost and new opportunities unfolded every day. Yet they also presupposed a certain stability, a future that bore some recognizable resemblance to the present and the past. The growth of bureaucracy, the cult of consumption with its immediate gratifications, but above all the severance of the sense of historical continuity have transformed the Protestant ethic while carrying the underlying principles of capitalist society to their logical conclusion . The pursuit of self-interest, formerly identified with the rational pursuit of gain and the accumulation of wealth, has become a search for pleasure and psychic survival. Social conditions now approximate the vision of republican society conceived by the Marquis de Sade at the very outset of the republican epoch. In many ways the most farsighted and certainly the most disturbing of the prophets of revolutionary individualism, Sade defended unlimited self-indulgence as the logical culmination of the revolution in property relations - the only way to attain revolutionary brotherhood in its purest form. By regressing in his writings to the most primitive level of fantasy, Sade uncannily glimpsed the whole subsequent development of personal life under capitalism, ending not in revolutionary brotherhood but in a society of siblings that has outlived and repudiated its revolutionary origins.
Sade imagined a sexual utopia in which everyone has the right to everyone else, where human beings, reduced to their sexual organs, become absolutely anonymous and interchangeable. His ideal society thus reaffirmed the capitalist principle that human beings are ultimately reducible to interchangeable objects. It also incorporated and carried to a surprising new conclusion Hobbes’s discovery that the destruction of paternalism and the subordination of all social relations to the market had stripped away the remaining restraints and the mitigating illusions from the war of all against all. In the resulting state of organized anarchy, as Sade was the first to realize, pleasure becomes life’s only business - pleasure, however, that is indistinguishable from rape, murder, unbridled aggression. In a society that has reduced reason to mere calculation, reason can impose no limits on the pursuit of pleasure - on the immediate gratification of every desire no matter how perverse, insane, criminal, or merely immoral. For the standards that would condemn crime or cruelty derive from religion, compassion, or the kind of reason that rejects purely instrumental applications; and none of these outmoded forms of thought or feeling has any logical place in a society based on commodity production. In his misogyny, Sade perceived that bourgeois enlightenment, carried to its logical conclusions, condemned even the sentimental cult of womanhood and the family, which the bourgeoisie itself had carried to unprecedented extremes.
At the same time, he saw that condemnation of “woman-worship” had to go hand in hand with a defense of woman’s sexual rights - their right to dispose of their own bodies, as feminists would put it today. If the exercise of that right in Sade’s utopia boils down to the duty to become an instrument of someone else’s pleasure, it was not so much because Sade hated women as because he hated humanity. He perceived, more clearly than the feminists, that all freedoms under capitalism come in the end to the same thing, the same universal obligation to enjoy and be enjoyed. In the same breath, and without violating his own logic, Sade demanded for women the right “fully to satisfy all their desires” and “all parts of their bodies” and categorically stated that “all women must submit to our pleasure.” Pure individualism thus issued in the most radical repudiation of individuality. “All men, all women resemble each other,” according to Sade; and to those of his countrymen who would become republicans he adds this ominous warning: “Do not think you can make good republicans so long as you isolated in their families the children who should belong to the republic alone.” The bourgeois defense of privacy culminates - not just in Sade’s thought but in the history to come, so accurately foreshadowed in the very excess, madness, infantilism of his ideas - in the most thoroughgoing attack on privacy; the glorification of the individual, in his annihilation.
<…>
Standing-Reserve.
Note a lack of the “Greek” in Lasch.
Visions of Excess: Selected Writings, 1927-1939 by Georges Bataille, Edited by A. Stoekl, Translated by A. Stoekl, C.R. Lovitt, and D.M. Leslie Jr.
<…>

My five kids are asleep. My husband is in bed. I snuck into the guest room and told him I’m “working on an article for work”. But instead, I’m working on my goodbye letters.
I’m burned out. I need a break, but I can’t catch one. I’m tired. TIRED of being the default parent and having kids with special needs and constant appointments. I am drained without any help with the planning of this family.
I feel so worthless and like a damn failure. I’m no longer a woman, I feel like a nanny that should be fired. I have $19 in the bank until the 22nd and honestly, I just want to fall asleep and not wake up again.
I wrote a list earlier of the important documents to get together, then I just wrote where to find them and the email address and password and a contact to get a hold of to help with the business stuff.
I wanted to get the will done today, but I’m over it. I said goodnight to the kids, and I just want to drive somewhere, have a few drinks and take some pills and make a call to the police to let them know where to find me.
I want this pain to end. And I’m so divided on saying goodbye to my husband. I’m afraid he will take me in and I guess I’m also afraid to see him again.
My kids deserve better than me. I can’t get them to school on time, I forget paperwork, homework, I can’t get half of them to sit down to read a book or even go to the park, etc.
My oldest is a junior in high school and I can barely get her to attend now that school is nearing the end.
I just feel like such a damn failure and I want this to be over!

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Now Hiring: Business Development Officer & Grant Proposal Writer for Manila-based Boutique Consultancy
Join our dynamic team at a boutique management consulting firm specializing in clean energy and green finance solutions. We're dedicated to driving sustainable development in the Philippines and beyond. We are seeking a Full-Time Business Development Officer and Grant Proposal Writer to join our team. This role will involve spearheading business growth initiatives and crafting compelling grant proposals in the clean energy and green finance sectors.
Responsibilities:

• Identify and pursue new business opportunities in alignment with company goals.
• Develop and maintain client relationships to foster business growth.
• Write, edit, and submit grant proposals to secure funding for projects.
• Collaborate with internal teams to ensure proposals meet client needs and grant requirements.
• Stay updated on industry trends and funding opportunities in clean energy and green finance.

Qualifications:

• Bachelor's degree in Business, Finance, Environmental Science, or related field.
• Proven experience in business development and/or grant writing, preferably in the clean energy or sustainability sector.
• Strong written and verbal communication skills.
• Ability to work independently and as part of a team.
• Knowledge of grant application processes and funding sources is desirable.

Perks & Benefits:

• Competitive salary package
• Opportunity to make a meaningful impact in the clean energy and sustainability sectors
• Hybrid remote and in-person work arrangement
• Professional development opportunities

How to Apply:

• Send CV or GDrive link via PM with code: ApplyForBusinessDevelopmentOfficer / ApplyForGrant Proposal Writer
  
• Include certifications or evidence of expertise
  
• State salary expectations
  
• Shortlisted candidates will be asked to submit a brief self-taken video introducing themselves and answering a prompt to gauge communication skills.
  
• Also, you may send your resume along with a brief cover letter outlining your relevant experience and why you're the perfect fit for this role to [mjbgcopc@gmail.com](mailto:mjbgcopc@gmail.com).
  

Join us in driving positive change through innovative solutions in clean energy and green finance!
Apply now and be part of our mission-driven team!

Now Hiring: Part-time Remote Full-Stack Developer: Join our Sustainable Mission!
Attention Full-Stack Developers!
Are you passionate about using your coding skills to drive positive change? Our boutique management consulting firm, specializing in clean energy and green finance, is on the lookout for a talented Part-time Remote Full-Stack Developer to join our team. Work from anywhere while contributing to innovative solutions that promote sustainability and environmental stewardship.
Responsibilities:

• Web Development: Lead the development of web-based applications and platforms, from concept to deployment, using your full-stack expertise.
• Technical Solutions: Collaborate with our team to identify technical requirements and develop scalable solutions that meet the needs of our clients and projects.
• UI/UX Design: Ensure an intuitive and visually appealing user experience by integrating best practices in UI/UX design into your development work.
• Troubleshooting & Maintenance: Provide ongoing support, troubleshooting, and maintenance for existing web applications, ensuring optimal performance and reliability.

Requirements:

• Full-Stack Proficiency: Strong proficiency in both front-end and back-end development technologies, including but not limited to HTML, CSS, JavaScript, Node.js, and relational databases (e.g., MySQL, PostgreSQL).
• Problem-Solving Skills: Demonstrated ability to analyze complex problems and develop innovative technical solutions to address them.
• Collaborative Spirit: Excellent communication and teamwork skills, with the ability to collaborate effectively with cross-functional teams in a remote work environment.
• Passion for Sustainability: A genuine interest in sustainability and a desire to contribute to projects that promote environmental conservation and green finance.

Perks & Benefits:

• Remote Work: Enjoy the flexibility of remote work, with the freedom to work from anywhere that inspires you.
• Meaningful Projects: Be part of a team that's making a real difference in the world, developing solutions that contribute to a more sustainable future.
• Professional Growth: Access opportunities for ongoing learning and skill development, with the chance to expand your expertise in clean energy and green finance.
• Competitive Compensation: Receive competitive compensation for your valuable contributions to our team.

How to Apply:
Excited to be part of our sustainable mission?

• Send CV or GDrive link via PM with code: ApplyForFullStackDeveloper
  
• Include certifications or evidence of expertise
  
• State salary expectations
  
• Shortlisted candidates will be asked to submit a brief self-taken video introducing themselves and answering a prompt to gauge communication skills.
  
• Also, you may send your resume along with a brief cover letter outlining your relevant experience and why you're the perfect fit for this role to mjbgcopc@gmail.com.
  

Join us in leveraging technology to drive positive change and create a more sustainable world for future generations. Apply now and be a part of something meaningful!

Now Hiring: Remote Part-Time Researcher & Training Material Developer: Dive into Sustainable Solutions!
Attention Sustainability Enthusiasts!
Are you passionate about driving positive change in the world? Join our boutique management consulting firm based in the Philippines, specializing in clean energy and green finance, from the comfort of your own home! We're currently seeking a meticulous and motivated Part-time Remote Researcher & Training Material Developer to join our dynamic team.
Responsibilities:

• Research Excellence: Delve deep into the realms of clean energy and green finance, gathering insights and staying abreast of industry trends.
• Creative Content Development: Leverage your findings to craft compelling training materials and resources, empowering individuals and organizations to embrace sustainable practices.
• Collaborative Spirit: Work closely with our passionate team to ensure the accuracy, relevance, and effectiveness of all materials produced.
• Flexibility & Initiative: Embrace the autonomy of remote work, managing your time effectively to meet project deadlines and exceed expectations.

Requirements:

• Passion for Sustainability: A genuine desire to contribute to a cleaner, greener future through your work.
• Research Prowess: Strong research skills with a keen eye for detail and accuracy.
• Communication Mastery: Excellent written communication skills, ensuring clarity and impact in all materials produced.
• Subject Matter Familiarity: While not essential, prior knowledge or experience in clean energy and/or finance topics is advantageous.
• Tech Savviness: Comfortable navigating digital platforms and tools for collaboration and content creation.

Perks & Benefits:

• Flexible Hours: Part-time schedule offering flexibility to accommodate your existing commitments and lifestyle.
• Remote Work: Work from the comfort of your own home or wherever you feel most inspired!
• Meaningful Impact: Contribute to projects that are making a tangible difference in the world of sustainability.
• Competitive Compensation: Receive fair compensation for your valuable contributions to our team.

How to Apply:
Excited to embark on this journey with us?

• Send CV or Gdrive link via PM with code: ApplyForResearcherandTrainingMaterialDeveloper
• Include certifications or evidence of expertise
• State Salary expectations
• Shortlisted candidates will be asked to submit a brief self-taken video introducing themselves and answering a prompt to gauge communication skills.
• Also, you may send your resume along with a brief cover letter outlining your relevant experience and why you're the perfect fit for this role to mjbgcopc@gmail.com.

Don't miss out on this opportunity to be a part of something truly impactful. Join us in shaping a brighter, more sustainable future, one research project and training module at a time!

Now Hiring: Part-time (Hybrid Remote and In Person) Project Manager for Manila-based Boutique Consultancy
Are you ready to lead impactful projects in the realms of clean energy and green finance? Our boutique management consulting firm based in the Philippines is seeking a talented Part-time Project Manager to join our team. Blend the best of remote work and in-person collaboration as you spearhead initiatives that pave the way for a greener, more sustainable future.
Qualifications:

• Proficient in GSuite Project Management tools; familiarity with Asana a plus
• Multi-talented, adaptable to various job families
• Strong leadership skills for meetings and exceptional communication abilities (verbal and written)
• Academic achievements valued

Perks:

• Output-focused work with flexible hours
• Remote work options
• Stable company with loyal clients
• Opportunity for deployment to Vietnam and regional travel
• Transport allowances provided

Mission and Impact:

• Pave a career path in clean energy and green finance

Submission Guidelines:

• Send CV or GDrive link via PM with code: ApplyForProjectManager
• Include certifications or evidence of expertise
• State salary expectations
• Shortlisted candidates will be asked to submit a brief self-taken video introducing themselves and answering a prompt to gauge communication skills.
• Also, you may send your resume along with a brief cover letter outlining your relevant experience and why you're the perfect fit for this role to mjbgcopc@gmail.com.

TL;DR: Part-time Project Manager needed for boutique consultancy in Manila specializing in clean energy and green finance. Proficiency in GSuite Project Management tools required. Flexible hours, remote work, stable company, and travel opportunities provided. Apply now!

Now Hiring: WordPress Developer
Join our team at a boutique management consulting firm dedicated to driving sustainable development in the Philippines and beyond. We specialize in clean energy and green finance solutions, and we're passionate about making a positive impact on the environment.
We are seeking a Part-Time WordPress Developer to support our digital presence and enhance our online platforms. This remote role offers flexibility and the opportunity to contribute to meaningful projects in the clean energy and green finance sectors.
Responsibilities:

• Develop and maintain WordPress websites for the company and its clients.
• Customize themes and plugins to meet specific project requirements.
• Ensure websites are optimized for performance, security, and SEO.
• Collaborate with internal teams to implement website updates and enhancements.
• Provide technical support and troubleshooting as needed.

Qualifications:

• Proficiency in WordPress development, including theme and plugin customization.
• Strong knowledge of HTML, CSS, JavaScript, and PHP.
• Experience with responsive design and cross-browser compatibility.
• Familiarity with SEO best practices and web analytics tools.
• Excellent communication and problem-solving skills.
• Previous experience in the clean energy or sustainability sector is a plus.

Perks & Benefits:

• Flexible part-time schedule
• Remote work arrangement
• Opportunity to contribute to meaningful projects in sustainability
• Professional development opportunities

How to Apply:

• Send CV or GDrive link via PM with code: ApplyForWordPressDeveloper
  
• Include certifications or evidence of expertise
  
• State salary expectations
  
• Shortlisted candidates will be asked to submit a brief self-taken video introducing themselves and answering a prompt to gauge communication skills.
  
• Also, you may send your resume along with a brief cover letter outlining your relevant experience and why you're the perfect fit for this role to [mjbgcopc@gmail.com](mailto:mjbgcopc@gmail.com).
  

Join us in driving positive change through innovative solutions in clean energy and green finance!
Apply now and be part of our mission-driven team!