Internships resume

Anyone know some good places to apply for internships and jobs that can look great on a resume? Hoping to find work experience that is relevant to my field, business.

Come June 28th I’ll be out of a job, good on them for giving us a heads up I guess.
Any tips to improve my resume would be greatly appreciated.
My resume: https://imgur.com/a/RHpCPDV
I graduated college Dec 2022, worked help desk at my college and did a security analyst internship there as well. Started my current role Sep 2023. I know im still considered entry level which is fine, I’m just looking to try and get ahead of this. I know the market is insane right now & it’s damn near impossible to get a job. I’m even thinking about revamping and going back to a lvl 3 HD position for the mean while but everyone been telling me don’t do it.
Should I focus on some certs? Maybe a splunk one? Or the cysa? I started studying for the SAA but will most likely push this back to focus on job searching. So far I’ve only had 4 call backs within 6 weeks, made it to round 4 of one and got ghosted. Another one was BS they wanted me in the office despite the commute being 3 hrs both ways. Had one today & the recruiter was very unprofessional, she was late, vaping and drying off her hair, she asked me 3 questions are then ended. The last one basically wanted a unicorn and the guy told me “ you not a good fit” all I did was correct him on investigating an alert where a user IP pings outside the country lol. He didn’t issue a PW reset nor lock the acc & I thought it was a trick question so i responded
Any resume suggestions will be appreciated.

After 8 years of mostly doing nothing, I'm finally graduating from college. I've learned very little in college, I actually don't think I deserve the degree (I suspect that there is a strong incentive by the university to pump out as many grads as possible, but I don't know). Apart from that, I've done no internships during college and I have no research experience. My only work experience is working for about 3 months in 2022 at a McDonald's and I left because I felt like I couldn't keep up with the school work. I don't believe I left on the best of terms since I was seen as more of a subpar worker (I couldn't really keep up with the rush) and because I left before the end of my two weeks notice. I'm too embarrassed to work with my school's career center because I don't have any work experience to put on my resume and because I don't have any notable school related (or personal) projects or achievements (my GPA is a 2.6). I also don't have a good relationship with any of my professors, so I don't have anyone to vouch for me there.
I've spent so much time in college, and wasted so much of that time, that I've forgotten almost all of what I supposedly learned and I think I would seriously struggle with even the basic stuff freshmen are learning right now. I've picked up no skills that could be used for work. I'm a physics major, but I've picked up on very little programming (just a level above "Hello world!") and my math is extremely weak for a STEM major. I'd even go as far as to say that my obtainment of a degree is farcical, but I won't be the one to reject that sheet of paper.
Anyways, I'm looking for career advice. I've given the background so as to provide context on why I'm looking for advice: I'm an extremely weak grad from a comparably strong (and respected) undergraduate program that cannot possibly qualify for any positions that a typical graduate should qualify for. Embarrassingly, I also have no idea what I want to do; I know that this stuff should be sorted out in college, but I'm leaving college even more unsure of myself than when I started. I do know for a fact that I don't want to return to a minimum wage job, I don't want to work retail or customer service or go anywhere near the service/hospitality/food industry; certainly not for the long haul (at the moment, I recognize that I don't have much of a choice). I also know that my degree puts me in a position that is better than it would be if I had no degree (although I also recognize that undergrad degrees are becoming increasingly less useful for improving job prospects).
What positions or fields would you recommend I look into? I'm really looking from some sort of job where I would be allowed the time to learn something interesting, but that is probably unrealistic.
This post is very incomplete, but I cannot think of much else right now. Please, do ask questions.

Just received an offer from them to join their training. The start is gonna be with a 5 week long unpaid internship after which they market you to their clients and try to get you a contract job. The unpaid internship sounds kinda dodgy but they do promise a solid job after the 5 weeks which I think I am okay with.
To get a few things out of the way -

1. I am an international student (new grad) in the US so my hopes of finding a job in this market are abysmally low. I have applied to over 1700+ jobs on LinkedIn over the past 6 months and have received barely 4-5 interview calls. Considering this Antra's offer doesn't seem to bad.
2. I know what companies like Antra do is exploit immigrants. Its mutually assured exploitation - I get that - but I just don't know what else I can do. The market doesn't seem to be getting any better and I cannot stay dependent on my parents for income. I am starting to get worried about the gap on my resume. Add to that my school insurance expires in June. Antra has a good benefits package which covers insurance (including dental and vision.)

So to conclude - I understand what these companies do is exploit but I am in a shitty situation. If there is nothing "scammy" going on at Antra that might get me banned from entering the US/deported, I don't mind sticking to antra and gaining experience until I can get a better job.

So I'm looking into some online certificates to teach myself what my degree didn't. Not to diss my degree, but I realized a bit too late what I want to do and it's too late to go back now. I'm one semester away from graduating with a bachelor's in Marketing and I really want to get into web development/ graphic design/ that sorta thing. It's not too far off from marketing but it's also not going to teach you what you need to know to get your basic graphic design job/internship where I live to get experience and get started. I did get a web design internship but I feel like I am way behind since I didn't learn any of this in school. So I'm trying to find not only certificates to add to my resume, but also to teach myself the basics really (SEO, UI/UX, photoshop skills, other programs that are common in this field, etc). Does anyone have any suggestions? Anyone who works in this hiring field that knows what a good only certificates website would be? I've come across Coursera for like $50/ month but I want to know if it's worth it before I spend hundreds of dollars on it.
Thank you to everyone who reads this and helps a girl out <3

So I'm looking into some online certificates to teach myself what my degree didn't. Not to diss my degree, but I realized a bit too late what I want to do and it's too late to go back now. I'm one semester away from graduating with a bachelor's in Marketing and I really want to get into web development/ graphic design/ that sorta thing. It's not too far off from marketing but it's also not going to teach you what you need to know to get your basic graphic design job/internship where I live to get experience and get started. I did get a web design internship but I feel like I am way behind since I didn't learn any of this in school. So I'm trying to find not only certificates to add to my resume, but also to teach myself the basics really (SEO, UI/UX, photoshop skills, other programs that are common in this field, etc). Does anyone have any suggestions? Anyone who works in this hiring field that knows what a good only certificates website would be? I've come across Coursera for like $50/ month but I want to know if it's worth it before I spend hundreds of dollars on it.
Thank you to everyone who reads this and helps a girl out <3

So I'm looking into some online certificates to teach myself what my degree didn't. Not to diss my degree, but I realized a bit too late what I want to do and it's too late to go back now. I'm one semester away from graduating with a bachelor's in Marketing and I really want to get into web development/ graphic design/ that sorta thing. It's not too far off from marketing but it's also not going to teach you what you need to know to get your basic graphic design job/internship where I live to get experience and get started. I did get a web design internship but I feel like I am way behind since I didn't learn any of this in school. So I'm trying to find not only certificates to add to my resume, but also to teach myself the basics really (SEO, UI/UX, photoshop skills, other programs that are common in this field, etc). Does anyone have any suggestions? Anyone who works in this hiring field that knows what a good only certificates website would be? I've come across Coursera for like $50/ month but I want to know if it's worth it before I spend hundreds of dollars on it.
Thank you to everyone who reads this and helps a girl out <3

So I'm looking into some online certificates to teach myself what my degree didn't. Not to diss my degree, but I realized a bit too late what I want to do and it's too late to go back now. I'm one semester away from graduating with a bachelor's in Marketing and I really want to get into web development/ graphic design/ that sorta thing. It's not too far off from marketing but it's also not going to teach you what you need to know to get your basic graphic design job/internship where I live to get experience and get started. I did get a web design internship but I feel like I am way behind since I didn't learn any of this in school. So I'm trying to find not only certificates to add to my resume, but also to teach myself the basics really (SEO, UI/UX, photoshop skills, other programs that are common in this field, etc). Does anyone have any suggestions? Anyone who works in this hiring field that knows what a good only certificates website would be? I've come across Coursera for like $50/ month but I want to know if it's worth it before I spend hundreds of dollars on it.
Thank you to everyone who reads this and helps a girl out <3

Just received an offer from them to join their training. The start is gonna be with a 5 week long unpaid internship after which they market you to their clients and try to get you a contract job. The unpaid internship sounds kinda dodgy but they do promise a solid job after the 5 weeks which I think I am okay with.
To get a few things out of the way -
1) I am an international student (new grad) in the US so my hopes of finding a job in this market are abysmally low. I have applied to over 1700+ jobs on LinkedIn over the past 6 months and have received barely 4-5 interview calls. Considering this Antra's offer doesn't seem to bad.
2) I know what companies like Antra do is exploit immigrants. Its mutually assured exploitation - I get that - but I just don't know what else I can do. The market doesn't seem to be getting any better and I cannot stay dependent on my parents for income. I am starting to get worried about the gap on my resume. Add to that my school insurance expires in June. Antra has a good benefits package which covers insurance (including dental and vision.)
So to conclude - I understand what these companies do is exploit but I am in a shitty situation. If there is nothing "scammy" going on at Antra that might get me banned from entering the US/deported, I don't mind sticking to antra and gaining experience until I can get a better job.

Hey! I’m looking for advice. Not for me but for someone I know. Idk if this is the right place to ask questions about health policy & admin but I guess public health is similar in some ways?
I know someone that graduated with a BS in Health Policy & Administration. Almost 2 years ago but they’re struggling to find a job. Idk what their next course of action is. Are there certs? Or should they go back for a masters? Continue to apply? I’d send job postings to them every so often but I know it’ll probably do more harm than good, the job hunt is stressful enough as it is. Just trying to help though. I’ve seen their resume, it looks solid, strong back ground is customer service. Also an internship with a hospital. Is the degree too broad?
Idk how their networking is but that might be the key
Any advice on the matter that I can pass on would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you

So I would like a little insight or advice please.
For background, I'm 34, just finished my first year at community college. I was hitting prerequisites I was unable to test out of with the intention of pursuing the biology track for transfer to a 4 year. I don't have a packed CV/resume and I didn't do dual enrollment in HS cause it wasn't really a common thing back then. My test scores are too old to be used, but I did fairly alright. I don't have any internships under my belt yet, just years scraping by in service professions. I can't work in healthcare due to a compromised immune system/life long disability. I'm interested in microbiology, ecology, entomology, mycology, and bioremediation. In particular, how those might apply to agricultural sciences or sustainability.
I know I don't have the background to compete and I'm not able to afford any prestigious schools. Biology and its related subfields have been a passion of mine I haven't been able to chase until now. I'm willing to pursue master's if it's worth it. Am I wasting my time on a pipe dream here? What kind of employment can someone my age and with a lackluster background expect? Will I have any hope of gainful employment or am I just starting a debt engine? I'm worried about my choice based on some posts I've read here and sentiments I've overheard. It's early enough to change course if I won't make something of a bio career. If there's hope, what should I be doing to set myself apart from the crowd? Thanks for any input, and I welcome questions as needed.

(Long one. Sorry. TL;DR; I fucking love teaching and hate my salary for it.)
It's wild to me to say that. Over 20 years, starting 21, of teaching finished up today. That's just wild to me. Why?
Well, I'm Generation X. I grew up in an era where people had a multi-decade career or two and then retired. Having a thousand jobs like me was unheard of back then. My full resume is five pages.
I had my heart set on 20+ years in the Army before I got hurt and medically discharged. I loved that shit (Embrace the Suck!) and would have done it forever if they let me. Then I worked a series of part time and full time jobs. Security. Bar tending. Door to door sales. Yard supervisor for a roofing company. I hustled darts. Bouncer and doorman (and regular) at a strip club. Security again. Some day labor, which I didn't last long at. Worked as a cashier at an "Adult" toy and DVD/VHS store. (That was a wild job) At least ten other jobs I can't remember. During this entire time, I never made more than $20,000 a year.
Eventually, I made my way into college through a VA Vocational Rehabilitation program for disabled veterans. Although the VA provided a monthly stipend and my wife was working at Western Forge and I had a (VERY fucking small) VA disability check, I still had to work a few hours a week. So during my four years in college (a bit less actually) I worked a lot of jobs, some for weeks, others for a year or more. Some where half time, some where 3/4 time, but I was always full time in school. Together, we did a bit over $40,000.
Help desk. Lab monitor in college. More help desk. Internship in IT at an airline. More help desk. More IT. More consulting and contracting. Tier I support at an internet provider, who supported PC, Macintosh and LINUX (no one else could do that. Lol. Sorry, I was good and I like to brag a bit.) Eventually I graduated. I asked for a raise and promotion at the internet provider, and they denied it, so I gave my two weeks. I had put in over a year and was GOOD at it. I deserved it, so I would look elsewhere if they couldn't give it to me. I wanted to be a network engineer.
But I also had root access to everything, so I was escorted out 15 minutes later and paid two weeks severance. On to other jobs then.
In this order starting at $55,000: Technician on the NASDAQ stock market network upgrade for MCI/Worldcom (where I got fired after I 400 others got fired after they realized they could save more money paying out lawsuits, but not our shitstain boss who got promoted) to a cutting edge VoIP company that went out of business (just like Silicon Valley from HBO) to Ryder Logistics as a Project Manager making $100,000 a year.
Six figures. One of the last private companies in America to still offer a 20 year pension. Even as a contractor, AMAZING salary and benefits. All of my hard work had paid off. The Cisco certification I worked so hard for had paid off. My networking skills that got me the interview for this job paid off. I had MADE IT. I had so much money I didn't know what to do with it given our modest lifestyle. I was going to be with Ryder Logistics forever.
Then in 2000, the "tech market" took a MASSIVE dump. Hundreds of thousands of highly paid, highly certified and educated folks like myself were laid off. I was DAYS, just fucking days, away from being brought on permanently and taken of contractor status. Yay. I knew of a guy with a PhD who was stocking shelves at 7-11. So I'm out there competing with guys and gals with more education and experience, even though I had a great resume. And I couldn't find a damn thing even approaching half my former salary. Guys like me were a dime a dozen now, the vultures could afford to be picky.
I survived and provided for my wife and son by working a shit ton of various jobs. I would get up at 0200 and deliver newspapers and finish around 0600. Then I could home, shower, change and eat. Head into my first shift at work teaching at a college. Go home, nap, go back for night classes. Deliver pizza after work. Picked up consulting jobs on the weekends. Four jobs to support a wife and keep us from living in the woods - her grandmother took us in, but we were still "homeless" in that we had no place of our besides her basement. Eventually I saved enough to move us to Florida and buy a house, where I started teaching high school.
We lost it all. I managed to sell our house for a modest profit days before the bank took it and we were homeless. I had to sell my beloved (and rare) Harley 1992 Dyna FXDC. Eventually, I missed a mortgage payment, and things snowballed. The only thing we kept in the bankruptcy was our SUV, and only because I could barely make the payments on it.
I had to start over at $28,000 as a teacher. After over 20 years, I'm up over $55,000 now. My VA disability check is a lot bigger now. I'm grateful for where I am. But it is wild to me that I make so little after 20 years. I'm literally making the same (on paper) salary now as I did over 20 years ago, and I'm providing more value to society now than then.
Hell, it's wild to me that I did one thing for over 20 years. I know I've focused on money here, but yeah - twenty fucking years doing one thing.
ALL THAT TO SAY (sorry, I'm "lubricated" tonight) that I have never held a single job for more than two years other than my four years (a bit less actually) in the Army. Ever. And today I finished 20+ years. I'm going to be dean this summer for summer school. I'm interviewing for dean (WISH ME LUCK!) full time next year in a few days. I'm excited. I have a lot of great ideas about how to make our campus even more peaceful. I haven't interviewed for a job in a forever since I've been teaching (other than lateral transfers) so I'm a bit nervous. But I believe by boss is in my corner and I have a good shot. I hope so, because I WANT this.
I don't know what else to say. I love teaching. I love these kids, even the assholes. I want to do this for a while, even as I want to retire and take it easy with the old lady. But they keep sucking me back in. Lol. (Who gets that reference?) But I've said it before, without free, public education, our society will regress badly. One very proven way you make sure that a quality free, public education is provided is to pay teachers a good salary.
20 years. Holy shit. And even if I don't get dean, I'm teaching all 6th grade next year. That makes the year INCREDIBLY easy for me. The subject matter is easy, the kids are young and easy to engage and teach. And even though they are regular ed, I'll be teaching them the Advanced curriculum just like I have done for years with my 8th graders. They can do it, you just have to push them.
And I'll be all chill about it until another dean slot opens. The other guy is close to retirement so I'll have another shot soon.
I love you all. The editor started the process on my book this weekend he says, so hopefully I'll have revisions to make soon. Thanks for being here.

Hello everyone!
I am a business analytics student that is halfway through undergrad uni in the US. I just came back from an internship in my sophomore year second semester, and living abroad w/ that internship was the best experience of my life. I unfortunately did not get an internship over the summer, and a lot of my counterparts (those within the same program in uni) did.
Something happened soon after I arrived back in the states, almost like a switch. I am now deep diving into internships, resume building, ways to build technical skills (e.g. tools such as SQL, Excel), projects, micro-internships, etc. It is because I feel like I am falling behind and that I do not have a lot of marketable skills. The job i will most likely have this summer is a warehouse associate, and I strongly disliked doing it last year, but the pay is competitive and I need it. I want to LEARN something though, something that is applicable to what I will do in the future (whilst getting paid), and this is a sudden mentality change.
While this is a good thing, I am constantly stressing out over whether I have enough time to build experience and make myself stand out amongst a super competitive applicant pool. It is not like I am starting from zero, but I do not want to lose ground with competition. I am wishing that I repeated this year, or that I had this mentality when I came into college. What should I do to curb the anxiety whilst also maintaining a similar form to this "growth" mindset?
Also, just to confirm, it is normal to not want to be at home as a college student, right? Because I would much rather work somewhere else other than my hometown.

I 19F am struggling with saving money due to my shopping addiction and weak management.
For some context, I'm the oldest of four kids and my family's economical situation isn't the best. I don't work as I am a student. I can afford what I've been buying thanks to a scholarship the government gives to those purchasing higher education.
Although I don't buy expensive things, I make numerous orders in different stores. Most are clothes, gadgets or decoration. Prices per order vary between 15€ to a maximum of 60€.
I think that the fact that I can't control myself properly is related to me rarely handling money. And now that I have access to a high quantity, I have no self-control.
This has become a huge issue for me since I want to eventually move out of my parents house and live on my own.
I plan on start working on weekends during this summer and I've sent resumes already. I also have a pending paid internship that would provide me stable income for some time.
I'm scared I will manage this money poorly and end up with almost no savings.
How can I learn how to handle money smartly and to control my desire to buy things?
Any advice is appreciated.

I just graduated this May with an English major and computer science minor from a reputable university, and I’ve been looking into technical writing roles. I did a technical writing internship with a mid-sized software company in Silicon Valley last semester that went very well and made me want to continue pursuing the role, but unfortunately the company isn’t adding more positions onto the tech. writing team as of now.
I’ve been job hunting right now and have been pretty discouraged. I know it’s a mixture of the job market, tech layoffs, and lack of entry level positions, and I’ve gotten a few hits off my resume, but I’m still feeling bad about everything.
I’ve been reading on here about how some people transition into a technical writing position from a different position within their company, so I wanted to ask what are some other roles or maybe positions that could possibly pave a way for a technical writing future, just to broaden my desperate job search! Or, more generally, what are some other positions people on this subreddit might have had before transitioning into technical writing? I’m just looking for positions with applicable skills.
TLDR: What are some other entry-level avenues/positions to look into aside from technical writing where I could gain an applicable skillset?

Any recommendations to be more involved in school activities while living an hour away and doing fully online?? I want to beef up my school resume but I literally have no idea how cause I can't do internships or anything like that. Do I just have to resign myself to having nothing on there besides classes? I feel kinda like I'm a lackluster candidate for my M.S

Attending a T100 university for law school. I worked in an immigration law office for 1L summer. It was enlightening and satisfying work.
But 2L summer came, and I did not get an internship. Instead, I planned to study a couple fields that I might not be able to take classes in, prepare for some heavy classes in the fall, and research heavily for a big paper in my third year.
Life had other plans. My wife wants a divorce. So I'm doing that instead.
How bad would it look on a graduating law student's resume that 2L summer just reads: "Divorce - practical experience"?
This sucks.

TLDR -
Our relationship began last summer, although we initially met in grad school during a Zoom class and later in person during our internships. I had an immediate crush but was too nervous to approach her. Fast forward to last April, we matched on Tinder, hit it off quickly, and went on our first date almost exactly a year ago. Despite my nerves, it was the best date I could have hoped for, and we connected deeply. Over the summer, we continued seeing each other, often spending late nights watching movies. Even though she initially said she wasn’t ready for a relationship, we spent a lot of time together, and eventually, we became a couple before I moved away for an artist residency.
The long-distance relationship was challenging but manageable, as we talked all the time, and became very ingrained into each other's lives. I often drove long hours to see her, and we communicated regularly. We had started talking about moving in together when I returned, as well as the possibility of marriage. However when I moved back, my workload increased, particularly with a ceramics, and our relationship began to strain, without me noticing. The stress from my work and the disappointment from a failed kiln firing led me to shut down emotionally, affecting our communication. She felt neglected, especially since I didn’t discuss my struggles in fear of worrying her about my health. As I feared I was borderline depressed, from the lack of motivation and burn out. I also applied to a different residency assuming we were on the same page about the situation, which would affect our plans of moving in together. Despite our deep connection and mutual support, my preoccupation with work and lack of communication caused her to feel pushed away. Now, she's unsure about her feelings for me, overwhelmed by her own challenges she needs to face within the next month, and needs time to think about our future. I’ve been trying to show her she is my priority, but I’m unsure what else to do and desperately seeking advice on how to assure her of my commitment and rebuild our relationship.
Things had been fine for 7-8 months until I started shutting off emotionally from the constant failure and disappointment of work outcomes. When I realized to make an effort to see each other more, it was too late as she felt too pushed away at that point. We talked yesterday and came to the conclusion that we're not breaking up, but she needs some time and space to herself while she decides how she feels about the relationship.
The long explanation
I guess I should start off with how the relationship started and how it's been for first 7-8 months.
We started seeing each other last Summer after her graduation. We had originally met in grad school, we had a Zoom class together and we met in person for the first time during our internships. I immediately got a crush on her, and tried to just say Hi to her whenever I got the chance. I saw her as someone way out of my league, and was nervous to talk to her.
Flash forward to last April, we match on Tinder and we really hit it off quite fast. I was still nervous about the whole thing, thinking she wouldn't be into me. I eventually got the guts to ask her out, and we finally went out almost exactly a year ago. I was worried the date would be awkward and she wouldn't like me, at this time I also hadn't been out with anyone else in years, I had gotten out of a very long term relationship previously and hadn't met anyone new yet.
It was honestly the best first date I could have hoped for, better than I could have hoped for. Since the moment of picking her up to dropping her back off, we were talking non stop. We got to know so much about each other that night and I fell for her almost immediately. We almost kept the workers at the restaurant late, we didn't realize an hour had gone by after we finished eating. We just sat there talking. Then we went to karaoke night at a bar, we didn't do karaoke as we're both very shy in front of crowds. Overall it was literally the best night I had in a very long time.
After our 3rd time going out, I thought I would ask her out properly, and see if she would like to be a couple. I did, but she said it was too early for her to start a relationship as she had gotten out of one 2 months prior. But that she enjoys our time together and just needed some time before going into a new relationship. Which was fine, I wanted to respect her space and gave her the time she needed. We still saw each other multiple times throughout the Summer. I went over to her place late at night quite often to watch movies until 3 or 4am.
During this time, I of course still had huge crush on her. I also drove by her work when I got the chance to drop off coffee. If she texted to ask if I wanted to watch a movie, I would drop everything I was doing. I just wanted to spend as much time as I could with her. Because I also knew that she was moving away, just two hours away from where we both were, but that was still pretty far and I thought the distance would ruin any chance. It also didn't help that I was also moving out of state, 10 hours away from her. I was willing to do anything to make long distance work. I just needed to ask her again.
Before I actually asked her if she wanted to be in a relationship together, we finally had our first kiss while watching a movie, and that whole week we basically acted like a couple, but hadn't made it official yet. I told her my feelings, and she told me hers. Turns out she was very into me as well. I asked her if she was sure, since we were both moving far apart. We agreed that we could make it work. We had gotten along so well over the last 2 months. We like all the same stuff, music, tv, movies, games, etc. It felt like she was the person I was missing in my life for so long. Literally my second half.
She moved before I did, but I drove to her every weekend before I moved. And I always stayed from Friday to Monday. I helped her explore her new city, and move all of her stuff over. I fell for her more and more every day. After I made my move, we agreed to call each other every other night, to play games together or to watch a show or movie. It was hard, but we managed to do it. The roughest parts were having to deal with no phone service up there, or very little access to internet. But we made it, and she even drove all the way up to see me for one weekend. Which meant so much to me.
Over the next few months, I had started to struggle at my new place and in the position I was in in my career. I also managed to make time to see her once, sometimes twice a month. My drives would last 10-12 hours depending on traffic, but it was always worth it just to be able to see her.
I eventually left my position, due to very poor management, and for it being a nearly abusive situation. So in December I packed everything up and moved back home. Here's another important detail. My position was to be just for a year, which is one of the reasons we worked so hard to make long distance work. As we knew eventually we'd be close again. Our original plan was this. I'd move and work for a year, and when I come back we would look for a place together and hopefully move in. A this point, marriage had been brought up. We both knew we love each other so much, and that marriage was in our future.
I guess I should clear up what I do. I'm an artist, and the last few years have been spent with me participating in artist residencies. These vary in length, but the one I moved for was a year. I had hoped that I could gain experience in my field, in a proper studio setting, and develop my work further with the studio access I would have. It's specifically in ceramics. This was my first residency that was long term. In the past the max was 2 weeks. As a ceramic artist, woodfired ceramics is my thing.
Anyways, I moved back. Everything went back to the way it was before I moved. We alternated who drives to who on the weekends. We spent the entire week of Christmas/new years together. Before that on my visits, she was able to meet my family and friends. Everyone points out how well she and I get along, and that we're such a great match.
Starting in January, I was back in the mood to work on ceramics related projects. I had managed to get into some woodfirings, which for those unfamiliar, they're not very common. It's also a very demanding type of firing as we're stoking the kiln with wood constantly. These can be anywhere from 12 hours, to 100 hours straight. during this time I had also started working for my family's business again.
During January and February I was in my home studio constantly making work, often well into the night. Some deadlines started coming up, and as they got closer I was rushing as much as I could, and making as much work as I could. But it hadn't affected my life much, yet. Everything had still went well, and we were still calling each other at least twice a week, and seeing each other every weekend. Every other Sunday was D&D night with my friends, which she joined into as well. Everything was still going great.
March is when I think everything started going downhill. Besides the fact that I had a ceramics conference coming up, and that was a ton of pressure. I also had the biggest firing of the year happening 2 weeks after the conference, and I was one of the key leaders necessary to make the firing happen. There was tons and tons of pressure on me in March/April. I had to rush work for the conference AND the firings. And the previous firings I had earlier in the year turned out to not be very great, and left me very disappointed. But the biggest firing of the year was happening, and I need work. Because I had also been considering applying to another residency, I was so screwed over by the last place, that I wanted one more shot. It also didn't help that I also started up a Minecraft community my friends and I ran, but one that I mostly ran. I didn't realize how much time that took up either.
The conference went well, she went with me and she got to meet all of my ceramic friends, and we had our first road trip. the conference was a 12 hour drive for us. As soon as I got back from the conference, I knew I had to rush a lot of work and start prepping out at the kiln. I still set aside the weekends to see her, but I was just so busy during the week not just with the kiln, but also working for my family. I shifted my free time to playing Minecraft, as it's always been a comfort game for me since I was in high school. Some days I'd be so exhausted I didn't want to do anything else but just place blocks mindlessly for a few hours. At the conference, I met lots of people, and the hype from it all made me want to reapply to a residency. I had brought up that I was thinking about reapplying, and it felt like she was supportive of that decision. She was very aware of everything that happened at the last place.
the week of the firing I needed to be there as much as I could, I did 12 - 16 hour shifts on the kiln at a time, and I did overnight shifts. This meant for the whole week, she would work all day while I slept, and then I went and worked all night while she slept. I didn't realize how much this would affect her. I don't even think we saw each other that weekend, we waited until the next so she could come unload the kiln. That was the first time we spend more than a week without each other since I moved back.
I wanted to try another residency, and the deadline for the only place I was interested in was a few days after we finished firing. So I took that weekend to write out my application and send it in.
When we finally unloaded the kiln, it really really, really, disappointed me. So much time in the studio, so much time making work and starting over, so much time spent working on firing the kiln. Everything went wrong, and 90% of work I made was ruined. It really hit me hard, but I didn't want to show it. It affected me mentally and emotionally more than I thought it could. I kind of shut down for a bit. I went back to work, and when I came home in the afternoons I didn't do much, I just stayed in bed. On my off days during the week, I'd spent most of the day in bed. Barely talking to anyone. It just really sucked. So much. It sucked because I had hyped this up to everyone. I hyped myself up. I posted about it every day promising to update my followers on social media. I put in SO MANY hours into this. Just for almost all of my hard work to be ruined.
I didn't talk about how I felt. I didn't talk much.
I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to make excuses. I just shut down for a bit, and I didn't realize how much that would affect her. I had noticed since march, and especially in April we hadn't talked much during the week anymore. Maybe once a week we called to play something, or watch something. I was busy, and she was busy and going through her own struggles. She's a middle school teacher, and she's really been struggling the whole year in her position. I was always there to comfort her, and to be someone to listen to her about everything that's been going on. But all of that time just focusing on my work put a lot of strain on our relationship. You'd think that after the firing was over, I'd be free again and have time. But I was so disappointed I spent the whole week after making work again and rushing again, since I had a market to do, and I needed work to sell. the sale also wasn't great, and all of that just really hurt me. I didn't want her to worry about me. So I kept a lot of my thoughts to myself, of how I was feeling about the firing, and in general the career I've been trying to build in ceramics.
Me focusing on my work, and only my work, really really affected our relationship more than I ever though it would. And it was never intentional. And the rest of April/beginning of May was just rough. We saw each other maybe one day a week, or not at all, one day it was just for a few hours, since we had other things to do on the weekends. The market was out of state, and she wasn't able to go with me due to her work. I also realized I wouldn't get the residency, which was honestly kind of a relief.
Two weeks ago, I felt as everything finally cleared and I was starting to feel better. I went to see her on a Sunday, and I had taken a few days off so I could stay at her place until Wednesday. We hadn't had time together for more than a day in a really long time. So this was time to make up for some of it. Something had felt off that day though. I wasn't sure what it was, but I started to get worried. We would often tell each other "I love you" followed by "you promise, you swear?" It was always playful, while also being a little bit of a reassurance. I asked her that day, and it felt mostly normal. Later that nigh while getting ready for bed, she was just looking at me, and I asked "What's wrong"
This is when everything came out. She said she was afraid that we wouldn't make it. And then said that over the last 2 months, she felt pushed away and like she wasn't a priority to me. That it hurt that I applied to a residency without talking to her about it first, especially since our original plan was to move in together. I thought, we were on the same page on that. She seemed supportive, but we never had a real conversation about it. It was, "hey I applied for this thing" and "I hope you get it, you really deserve another chance!" She even looked for teaching jobs in the area I would move to, if I did get the residency.
Since that firing I wasn't there for her. I didn't tell her about my days where I just wanted to rot in bed. Some days I didn't now what to talk about. I felt borderline depressed. And I didn't talk, or talk about it, or talk to her much. I kept looking forward to the days when we would see each other on the weekends, but other things got in the way most times, and we didn't have the regular amount of time we had gotten used to. In person when we did see each other, things felt normal. I guess the weekdays after work are when she needed me the most, while I either stayed in bed all day, or got on Minecraft to mindlessly place blocks. Sometimes I didn't even do anything productive in game, I just ran around. I was sad. I just didn't want her to see me like that.
It sucks that I noticed too late. I knew we hadn't been able to have a lot of time together. I had planned to finally dedicate a few days together like before, and I brought over some board games so we could have stuff to do together. I knew that we would have to talk about moving in and planning out the rest of the summer.
The time apart, and the time of me not talking much really hurt her so much. I feel so terrible about it. Like I said it was never intentional. She said that her days for the last month were just going to work and coming home, hoping she would get a chance to talk to me. She said that night, that she doesn't know if she feels the same way about me anymore. She felt pushed away so much, and felt like she's already mourned the relationship. And she said it wasn't just that, that's made her afraid about our relationship. She's having trouble finding a new job, and her lease is up at the end of June, and she can't look for a new place, until she gets a new job. She's been applying for a lot of jobs closer to my area. But she also doesn't know if she needs to move back to her parents to take care of them, as they're not doing well either. And they live on the opposite side of the state. She has a lot of pressure on her right now and is very overwhelmed by everything going on, and all the decisions she's having to make in such short notice.
That night I, possibly stupidly, asked her if she wanted me to leave, after she said maybe she just needs some time and space. I say stupidly, because after I got home I felt like leaving wasn't the right decision. Before I left though, I told her everything. About how I had been feeling, and how I don't even know if I want to do a residency anymore. But she told me not to say that because of her. Of course not doing it would mean I get to stay with her, but I assured her this is something that's been on my mind. I told her that maybe we're just having a rough patch in the relationship and we should work together on it, and apologized for not being there for her. She said that with everything else going on with her, her parents, her work, her lease, everything, she needs some time to think about our relationship.
Since that night, I've been doing everything to assure her that she IS my priority and trying to prove to her that I do care and love her very much. I've been trying so hard to put myself back together, and just been reflecting on everything that's happened since we met. And thinking about the future, and trying to plan things out.
I wrote her a 6 page letter explaining all my feelings and how I felt about her, and reminding her of all the absolutely great times we had together. As well as highlighting my mistakes, and promising to never make her feel pushed away again.
She came over last weekend, I assume originally to return my stuff and call it off. It was different, there was a big elephant in the room, and I finally asked her how she's felt. And she says she still doesn't know. She had some time to think about everything, but doesn't know what she wants to do. We agreed that she would need some more time. We ended up going out for food and a movie, and she stayed the night. Though, opposite sides of the bed, and no kind of intimacy. Which is fine, she needs the space. She read the letter, and said it was very sweet and wished I put that much effort over the last two months. and I just said "I do too"
She came back this weekend, and stayed again. It almost felt back to normal. We spent Saturday and Sunday together, we went out, went shopping, went to one of our favorite restaurants, and another movie. I didn't bring anything up because I didn't want to ruin what felt like a regular weekend with her again. But before she left I just felt like I need to ask how she had been feeling. She said that she came over because she was wanting to feel it out, see how we would do together. And that she had fun with me.
She just still doesn't know if she feels the same way anymore. But that there's something keeping her from saying she wants to break up. She said that she still likes me a lot, and doesn't want to lose contact with me, and that she doesn't want to never see me again. That maybe, she just needs to settle down with her job, parents, and moving. I asked a question, I said "This might be a dumb question, but did we break up?" She said she doesn't know. We kept talking about stuff, and we came down to we didn't break up, but she still needs some time to get everything sorted out. Because, like I said, she's very overwhelmed with a ton of stuff. She still doesn't know where she's gonna move to, if she's gonna be able to move. But she said that she and I make a really good match, that we're best friends.
She's coming back over on Friday, and Saturday we're gonna spend the day looking at some apartments, in the general area where she's looking for a job.
I just don't know what else I can do. And I'm desperate for any advice anyone has to offer.
Here are my thoughts on from my side.
I know I can say she's my priority all I want, but I really need to show it. I've been more active in showing her that. Everything else aside, the last two weeks we've been talking more than we have been in a while. We still call to watch shows. We've been on Survivor, 90 Day Fiance, and Sopranos. I haven't suggested 90 Day lately though given the situation. She's gonna get Stardew soon, and we'll start playing together hopefully this week. Yesterday we started Shogun. I know that the last two weeks isn't going to magically fix all of our problems. I'm very aware of that. But I'm trying to show her she IS my priority.
Career wise, I've reflected a lot on this. I need to use my teaching degree, and get a job as a teacher. It's still my plan to be an artist/teacher. Part of the reason I wanted so badly to do a residency, besides having a studio, I thought it would help a lot on a resume. Plus more actual studio experience, felt like it would be great for my future students. It's always been my plan to teach. If I don't use my teaching certification for 3 years, I have to renew, which I've heard is a pain and expensive. this was my last year before I have to renew, so I felt I could get a residency out of the way before going into teaching full time.
But I'm 100% okay with not getting to do that. Like I said previously, I was honestly a little relieved when I realized it wasn't happening. I'm starting to look for job openings in the area, and I have an interview to be an instructor at a local studio tomorrow. Besides that I have no set in stone plans for a job and where I'm living. Since leaving the residency in December, I've had to move into my parents for the time being. I think no matter what I need to start looking for a new place soon. I hadn't looked before, because I was thinking I'd either move out of state again or move in with her.
If she were up for it after all of this, assuming it goes well, I'd move in with her anywhere she ends up moving to. I half jokingly said that if she has to stay in her current job, and city, that I looked into it and there's a place there I could potentially teach at as well. But she said she doesn't want to feel like she's making me uproot my life for her. But I would have anyways if things went well this whole time. And that if she moves back in with her parents, there's another place up there I could work out of.
Again, I know stuff like that isn't going to magically fix everything. If I said hey let's move in, I know that's not the solution. But I'm not saying let's move in, in hopes that it fixes everything.
She feels like I would be giving things up to be with her. I just don't know how to assure her that it's not me "giving things up" If we were to be together for sure, I would be more than happy to do what it takes to be with her. How to I assure her that "giving things up" isn't a bad thing. I feel like she feels that me staying with her, is the bad option. I also feel like she's afraid that I'd make her feel pushed away again. She asked what happens during the firing next year, and I gonna ignore her again? I assured her I wouldn't, and that I'm over woodfiring a bit. This year was just really rough in terms of my work being woodfired. Just disappointment after disappointment. I've also learned that my professor, who runs the firing, has been cutting off a lot of our regular shift leaders lately. He kept saying that they really needed me this year. I felt bad about our key people missing out, and felt pressure to work as much as I can do make it happen. Which is why I did up to 16 hours a night on the kiln, and spent so much time prepping it the week before, as well as all the pressure of having to rush work. After hearing everything that's going on, I feel almost taken advantage on with this whole situation. Since the firing I've learned about all the people he cut off, and accusations he's made about people.
Also, sorry about such a long post. I wanted to be as detailed as I can, so people don't get the wrong idea about things. I've tried to keep everything clear, while still leaving very personal details to a minimum.
I really thought she was the one, since day one we've gotten along so well. We quickly became each other's best friends. She's my best friend and my favorite person. It's really scary, the thought of losing her. But I hurt her so much, and I didn't even realize it until it was too late, and I feel so terrible about it. There's a part of me that's cautiously optimistic. If we break up what if we never talk again? She's become so ingrained into my life, it's scary to think one day I'll go a whole day without talking to her. I know she's really thinking about it, and taking her time. Instead of jut saying that. I'm very aware of my mistakes, and that I should have done things differently. I'm trying my hardest to make up for it. I know that it'll take some time, it's not something that'll be instantly fixed.
I just don't know what else to do, if I should just keep going the way things are right now, who to talk to about all of this. I just need any kind of advice and/or reassurance. She said that in the worst case scenario, we're just best friends, and she doesn't want us to stop hanging out at all or lose contact. Because we make such a good match.

figured I would post this because it would have been a nice resource for me to come across in the position i was in when i started. last summer i was a newgrad with an unrelated degree working as a labourer in a graveyard, this summer i am a software developer intern and here is my exact path:

• take all of cs50
• take most of cs50p
• take NeetCodes intro to DSA course until binary trees (pirated it)
• start applying to internships: put cs50s final project and cs50s finance project on your resume
• do one personal project all on your own for resume (i made a basic fullstack website quiz minigame)
• do leetcode aiming to solve 5 questions weekly (I followed neetcodes roadmap up until binary trees)
• apply to 3-5 internships daily
• as you get interviews, study what you think the company can ask you (ex if the posting mentions REST api and OO programming memorize what rest apis do and the pillars of oop)
• go to recruiting events if youre a student (even a non cs student)

this path got me hired in one of the worst job markets as a self taught developer. all the info is out there for free if you want it

Attending a T100 university for law school. I worked in an immigration law office for 1L summer. It was enlightening and satisfying work.
But 2L summer came, and I did not get an internship. Instead, I planned to study a couple fields that I might not be able to take classes in, prepare for some heavy classes in the fall, and research heavily for a big paper in my third year.
Life had other plans. My wife wants a divorce. So I'm doing that instead.
How bad would it look on a graduating law student's resume that 2L summer just reads: "Divorce - practical experience"?
This sucks.