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Question what you believe
2013.08.22 16:47 Question what you believe
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2011.04.01 05:27 jaxspider HumanPorn: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
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2018.02.23 21:50 Dimachaerus Banana Fish
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2024.05.16 20:50 Vicky_vicky111 Looking for help/advice
Hello everyone,
Recently i have been diagnosed with vulvodynia and I am doubting the diagnosis.
Preliminary my symptoms are itching of a stabbing nature and burning in perianal and vulvar areas. My skin is a bit red but doesn’t look half as bad as it feels.
I was diagnosed with eczema first ( based on biopsy) and now vulvodynia.
I have tried every possible thing out there, steroid creams, gabapentin, pregabalin, steroid shots, all the things for eczema and nothing has ever really helped.
I did patch testing, all the gyno tests and proctology tests and everything is fine.
Patch test - I had some allergies to preservatives and parfumes, but i dont have ekcema anywhere else on my body so also doubting the relevance of that.
The symptoms in the perianal area are the worst hence doubting the diagnosis of vulvodynia.
I dont have pain, no issues with sex whatsoever - hence, again, I dont think its vulvodynia.
Anyone with the same symptoms? What is the diagnosis you have? Any treatment/doctor who was able to help you?
I am confused as to how to move forward as no treatment has helped and also confused about the diagnosis.
Any recommendations of doctors in Germany would be appreciated or anyone who could give a second opinion via online consultation.
Thanks
submitted by Vicky_vicky111 to vulvodynia [link] [comments]
Recently i have been diagnosed with vulvodynia and I am doubting the diagnosis.
Preliminary my symptoms are itching of a stabbing nature and burning in perianal and vulvar areas. My skin is a bit red but doesn’t look half as bad as it feels.
I was diagnosed with eczema first ( based on biopsy) and now vulvodynia.
I have tried every possible thing out there, steroid creams, gabapentin, pregabalin, steroid shots, all the things for eczema and nothing has ever really helped.
I did patch testing, all the gyno tests and proctology tests and everything is fine.
Patch test - I had some allergies to preservatives and parfumes, but i dont have ekcema anywhere else on my body so also doubting the relevance of that.
The symptoms in the perianal area are the worst hence doubting the diagnosis of vulvodynia.
I dont have pain, no issues with sex whatsoever - hence, again, I dont think its vulvodynia.
Anyone with the same symptoms? What is the diagnosis you have? Any treatment/doctor who was able to help you?
I am confused as to how to move forward as no treatment has helped and also confused about the diagnosis.
Any recommendations of doctors in Germany would be appreciated or anyone who could give a second opinion via online consultation.
Thanks
2024.05.16 20:38 roadrunner_777 Heartbroken, please help
TL;DR
I broke up with an avoidant partner whom I was nothing short of everything for. Will he regret his decision not trying hard to salvage what we had? Did he ever love me at all? For avoidants out there, do you ever look back and regret avoiding what you should have tried harder for?
Background
I (35M) just broke up with my boyfriend (29M) of 1.5 years. I've had 3-4 'dedicated' relationships in my life, lasting from 6 months to 2.5 years. I try to be a very introspective, growth minded individual. I am not perfect, I have my flaws. But this was the first relationship where I really, really gave it my all.
About me, about him
I have a naturally anxious attachment style, borderline avoidant. If something scares me, I grab tight. If it really scares me, I run. My ex was classic avoidant. He has moved from city to city, having been in several relationships that he leaves in his wake. He is a very selfish person, unable to bend for others without feeling like he needs to get something out of it too. He also uses people, consciously or subconsciously, to take what he can from them without offering anything back. Not just with me, but with his friends, family and those around him. It's something I never loved about him, and should have been red flags I stomped out from the gate, but alas..
There were several key moments that resulted in him hurting me: cheating, (even though we were in an open relationship, so you figure that one out), unable to support me emotionally at a basic level in a particularly hard moment in my life, even not wanting me to go to his mom's wedding in which his own mother invited me to.
We had amazing connection, great sex, similar hobbies and interests. He's extroverted, I'm introverted - both almost to a fault. I thought the beauty of our relationship was symbiotic: He pulled me out, I pulled him in. We spent a lot of time together, he was always present, and helpful in these small, tangible things that ultimately gave him validation for himself. It never really felt like he did something for anyone out of pure, unconditional kindness and love. Despite it all, I think he's a beautiful person that is on the road to improving himself, and with time and experience, will learn and be better than he is today. We all have to go through shit and grow.
What happened
The fatal flaw was he does not have his shit together. He is an emotional wreck - so to speak - who has spent his life avoiding challenges and problems. He is so privileged that he quit his job because it was too much work. He's able to live without one for over 9 months, constantly complaining about having to find work, and how he is getting rejected time and time again. His backup plan is to leave the country to go back to school, where he can focus on building his career. Selfishly, I never wanted that, but objectively, I think its best for him.
This had been a discussion (not even, because he wouldn't confront or talk about it) for about 5-6 months before the BU. The last few months felt us both pulling back, stop talking about future plans, etc. I still, though, thought that if this one problem could be fixed (find a job) he would get his fulfillment back, and we can continue to try to build the relationship. I have been nothing short of patient, helpful, understanding, as well as provided him the space he needs to figure things out.
However, his inability to communicate with me what he's thinking, leaving me in the dark, subconciosuly acting different, pulling back, began to show me he was slipping into that avoidant pattern I knew he had in him all along. I finally ended it, but still in love with him, hoped he would try to make it work. He didn't. He wants to be single, figure out his stuff and work on himself without the pressure of a relationship. He can freely decide what his next move is, without me being a consideration. This makes sense, but it's a hard pill to swallow, being that i never asked much of anything for him, and devoted a lot of time to helping him through these past 9 months in particular. He was so good for me in so many ways, but also so bad for me.
My question
I know there is no way anyone can tell me for sure, but do avoidant types like him ever regret these decisions? Or do they warp the story so far in their head that it becomes true for them, just to live with what they've lost? I just can't believe that despite how good I was to him, and how much he appreciated me and our time together, I am just another piece of collateral damage on his life's path.
I can objectively say this was for the best, but I can't help but feel angry that he never put in any effort to figure this thing out, and let external stress and factors that he is unable to confront ultimately tear us apart.
submitted by roadrunner_777 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
I broke up with an avoidant partner whom I was nothing short of everything for. Will he regret his decision not trying hard to salvage what we had? Did he ever love me at all? For avoidants out there, do you ever look back and regret avoiding what you should have tried harder for?
Background
I (35M) just broke up with my boyfriend (29M) of 1.5 years. I've had 3-4 'dedicated' relationships in my life, lasting from 6 months to 2.5 years. I try to be a very introspective, growth minded individual. I am not perfect, I have my flaws. But this was the first relationship where I really, really gave it my all.
About me, about him
I have a naturally anxious attachment style, borderline avoidant. If something scares me, I grab tight. If it really scares me, I run. My ex was classic avoidant. He has moved from city to city, having been in several relationships that he leaves in his wake. He is a very selfish person, unable to bend for others without feeling like he needs to get something out of it too. He also uses people, consciously or subconsciously, to take what he can from them without offering anything back. Not just with me, but with his friends, family and those around him. It's something I never loved about him, and should have been red flags I stomped out from the gate, but alas..
There were several key moments that resulted in him hurting me: cheating, (even though we were in an open relationship, so you figure that one out), unable to support me emotionally at a basic level in a particularly hard moment in my life, even not wanting me to go to his mom's wedding in which his own mother invited me to.
We had amazing connection, great sex, similar hobbies and interests. He's extroverted, I'm introverted - both almost to a fault. I thought the beauty of our relationship was symbiotic: He pulled me out, I pulled him in. We spent a lot of time together, he was always present, and helpful in these small, tangible things that ultimately gave him validation for himself. It never really felt like he did something for anyone out of pure, unconditional kindness and love. Despite it all, I think he's a beautiful person that is on the road to improving himself, and with time and experience, will learn and be better than he is today. We all have to go through shit and grow.
What happened
The fatal flaw was he does not have his shit together. He is an emotional wreck - so to speak - who has spent his life avoiding challenges and problems. He is so privileged that he quit his job because it was too much work. He's able to live without one for over 9 months, constantly complaining about having to find work, and how he is getting rejected time and time again. His backup plan is to leave the country to go back to school, where he can focus on building his career. Selfishly, I never wanted that, but objectively, I think its best for him.
This had been a discussion (not even, because he wouldn't confront or talk about it) for about 5-6 months before the BU. The last few months felt us both pulling back, stop talking about future plans, etc. I still, though, thought that if this one problem could be fixed (find a job) he would get his fulfillment back, and we can continue to try to build the relationship. I have been nothing short of patient, helpful, understanding, as well as provided him the space he needs to figure things out.
However, his inability to communicate with me what he's thinking, leaving me in the dark, subconciosuly acting different, pulling back, began to show me he was slipping into that avoidant pattern I knew he had in him all along. I finally ended it, but still in love with him, hoped he would try to make it work. He didn't. He wants to be single, figure out his stuff and work on himself without the pressure of a relationship. He can freely decide what his next move is, without me being a consideration. This makes sense, but it's a hard pill to swallow, being that i never asked much of anything for him, and devoted a lot of time to helping him through these past 9 months in particular. He was so good for me in so many ways, but also so bad for me.
My question
I know there is no way anyone can tell me for sure, but do avoidant types like him ever regret these decisions? Or do they warp the story so far in their head that it becomes true for them, just to live with what they've lost? I just can't believe that despite how good I was to him, and how much he appreciated me and our time together, I am just another piece of collateral damage on his life's path.
I can objectively say this was for the best, but I can't help but feel angry that he never put in any effort to figure this thing out, and let external stress and factors that he is unable to confront ultimately tear us apart.
2024.05.16 20:26 reginald-e-johnson Why is there no Christian guide to having "game"?
The Red Pill tells men how to improve their looks, money, and status, and there are Christian and secular platforms for this. Looks, money, and status are good and all, but even if you have all three, women won't necessarily approach you. There has to actually be a method for actually interacting with women and escalating to sex, and that's where "game" comes in.
Secular "game" has fairly detailed guides on how to actually get women in bed, but they are exclusively focusing on fornication, one-night-stands, and situationships. Where would I find a detailed guide on going from "Hello" to "I do" without having sex before marriage? Case and point, there is a "Red Pill Christians" subreddit, but not a "Christian Seduction" subreddit.
submitted by reginald-e-johnson to ChristianDating [link] [comments]
Secular "game" has fairly detailed guides on how to actually get women in bed, but they are exclusively focusing on fornication, one-night-stands, and situationships. Where would I find a detailed guide on going from "Hello" to "I do" without having sex before marriage? Case and point, there is a "Red Pill Christians" subreddit, but not a "Christian Seduction" subreddit.
2024.05.16 20:21 Outrageous_Trifle702 Throwing in the towel
I’ll be 26 in the fall. My body is fucked because of years of gaining and losing weight, binge drinking and eating. My looks are unfixable without surgery which I’ll never be able to afford. My stomach and thighs literally look deformed. As painful as it is, Im giving up on the idea of ever having sex, being a mother or getting married. Im trying to be okay with the idea of likely living with my parents for another year or so until I can get back on my feet and find an apartment. Then live out the rest of my life alone. Im done even trying. I have no social skills and im too messed up mentally. I was always the weird quiet, fat and ugly girl that’s always alone. Even if I did try to date I’d likely get laughed at and dumped, plus the guy would see it as a red flag I have no friends. I will have to continue to live in a fantasy land in my head where I pretend I’m normal and okay. Real life is too hard for me.
submitted by Outrageous_Trifle702 to ForeverAloneWomen [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 19:40 coolepic87 L. Brent Bozell Jr.'s full article "From the Jail Cell to the White House", September 15th, 1951 Peacock-Shah Alternate Elections
"We shouldn't be confused by the rhetoric of the so called 'Wide-Awakes', who claim to bridge opposition interests against the administration of La Follette. The Mass Man is thirsty for errors, and he rejects the pursuit of truth, for it is fatal in days of tyranny and decadence. He believes, not out of an inner sense of necessity, but as a form of self flagellation for the sake of conformity, the ascetic ideal of modern America. What unity do they proclaim when during the 1948 convention, the establishment of the Party rallied against the General? For they knew the immense potential of Fulgencio Batista to win over the Lewis bloc of Farmer-Laborites, and should the establishment have fallen in line, the valiant Cuban would have been a force of conservation. He would have most certainly jailed Charles Lindbergh and Robert LaFollette, and the Party would have certainly been able to overturn the majorities that were established under the time of the negligent Lindbergh. But the effectual truth of the matter is that their plot was ardent against the General. They all framed their campaigns in their own terms, pictures of a lifeless establishment. They dismissed Fulgencio Batista as "the candidate of Latinos and far right nuts", but upsets have overturned their hopes. I remember vividly coordinating the campaign of Fulgencio Batista in California, the State that secured him a plurality of the popular vote, but whenever Herbert Hoover or Benjamin Gitlow would campaign in a State they would be surprised by what name they shouted and pronounced. I asked the Batista delegates to bolt, and none except for two attended the Convention.
Benjamin Gitlow and his sedition:
What crime of Batista was so great compared to the crime of Benjamin Gitlow, who led the red army to massacre American civilians, in what everyone would admit was a violation of the ethics of just war? Henry Luce rallied around him as the best hope for the Nation, proving that in truth, the fundamentals of the establishment of those Parties is Liberal. That same Benjamin Gitlow who spoke with great zeal about the values of conservatism was one who would have not survived had William Jennings Bryan, the perennial candidate of old, not have won his last election against the incumbent John A. Lejeune in the twilight of the Federal Republican Party. The Revolution that Gitlow shed American blood for destroyed any hopes of victory in the midst of the carnage with the Japanese, and it was men like Herbert Hoover who enabled it during his treasonous and reckless opposition to President Houston during our own war against Japan.
On Herbert Hoover, The Revolution and the Election of 1948: Herbert Hoover himself was captured by Japanese troops; he was well aware of the cruelty inflicted upon the Chinese population by the Japanese hand... It is not an exageration to state such lighthearted negligence costed the occupation of our lands by hostile armies, that treated our people as subjects to colonization and mistreatments? But it was only the Revolution wrought by the likes of Gitlow and was facilitated by Hoover's sabotage that made us invite enemy powers in the fight against the Revolutionaries, allowing foreigners to profit off a war between Americans against Americans. And such men are pretentious enough to state that it was Fulgencio Batista, who won the most popular votes during the the primaries and the second most electoral votes during the election, to commit the unforgivable crime against the country by not allowing such a dishonourable robbery to be done against him in the name of stopping LaFollette, which only Batista could have.
On the Establishment:
It was the Progressive establishment that bolted, not Batista. House Leader Chibas purged the supporters of Batista for pretentious reasons. The same House Leader Chibas tragically suicided after the Senate rejected to eject LaFollette for his crimes. "People of America, wake up!" We woke up, indeed, Compañero! For the tyranny of LaFollette is indeed enormous, and what to say after the tragedies of yesterday, and the failed impeachment of our President over the vote of the Minnesotan senator... the only question that remains to be asked is: What great sin has this great Nation committed to merit a tyrant of such epic proportions? For all punishments belong to Providence.
On the Persecutions of the Tyrant:
Diocletian martyred both Christians and Manicheans, Robespierre martyred both Reactionaries and Liberals, and LaFollette both wicked men and heroes. Men as varied as Schall, Batista, Gitlow, Lewis, Hearst, Rogers, George, Landon, McCarthy, Winant, Breckinridge and Chibas. Chibas is now dead by his own hand, and our Party and Nation rejoice as another element of its destructive establishment is no longer an element.. And now, just now, a valiant General may rise from the ashes, no longer a political martyr in a jail cell, he will be dignified with the office of the Presidency, which we will draft his way towards. For in temporal punishment, redemption is always found, and such redemption is always found if we as a Nation accept the leaders who God sends for our national salvation. Even the Hebrews turned on Moses during their Exodus from Egypt and we shall not commit their same mistake! Reject the illusion of 'Wide-Awake' Unity! It is far from Wide! For the Progressive establishment would much rather see Batista continue to rot in a jail cell, and even permanently exile him from the Party, rather than have true Party unity, for they are pharisaical hypocrites They rejected Batista, the candidate who could have won, the first time, so if you desire any answer for who should be blamed for LaFollette's reign of terror, it is not the 'spoiler' Batista, but the now deceased former Speaker, whose death signifies our Party's revival, and the rise of the hero Fulgencio Batista himself. From the Jail to the White House! Indeed! HORRAY!"
submitted by coolepic87 to Presidentialpoll [link] [comments]
Benjamin Gitlow and his sedition:
What crime of Batista was so great compared to the crime of Benjamin Gitlow, who led the red army to massacre American civilians, in what everyone would admit was a violation of the ethics of just war? Henry Luce rallied around him as the best hope for the Nation, proving that in truth, the fundamentals of the establishment of those Parties is Liberal. That same Benjamin Gitlow who spoke with great zeal about the values of conservatism was one who would have not survived had William Jennings Bryan, the perennial candidate of old, not have won his last election against the incumbent John A. Lejeune in the twilight of the Federal Republican Party. The Revolution that Gitlow shed American blood for destroyed any hopes of victory in the midst of the carnage with the Japanese, and it was men like Herbert Hoover who enabled it during his treasonous and reckless opposition to President Houston during our own war against Japan.
On Herbert Hoover, The Revolution and the Election of 1948: Herbert Hoover himself was captured by Japanese troops; he was well aware of the cruelty inflicted upon the Chinese population by the Japanese hand... It is not an exageration to state such lighthearted negligence costed the occupation of our lands by hostile armies, that treated our people as subjects to colonization and mistreatments? But it was only the Revolution wrought by the likes of Gitlow and was facilitated by Hoover's sabotage that made us invite enemy powers in the fight against the Revolutionaries, allowing foreigners to profit off a war between Americans against Americans. And such men are pretentious enough to state that it was Fulgencio Batista, who won the most popular votes during the the primaries and the second most electoral votes during the election, to commit the unforgivable crime against the country by not allowing such a dishonourable robbery to be done against him in the name of stopping LaFollette, which only Batista could have.
On the Establishment:
It was the Progressive establishment that bolted, not Batista. House Leader Chibas purged the supporters of Batista for pretentious reasons. The same House Leader Chibas tragically suicided after the Senate rejected to eject LaFollette for his crimes. "People of America, wake up!" We woke up, indeed, Compañero! For the tyranny of LaFollette is indeed enormous, and what to say after the tragedies of yesterday, and the failed impeachment of our President over the vote of the Minnesotan senator... the only question that remains to be asked is: What great sin has this great Nation committed to merit a tyrant of such epic proportions? For all punishments belong to Providence.
On the Persecutions of the Tyrant:
Diocletian martyred both Christians and Manicheans, Robespierre martyred both Reactionaries and Liberals, and LaFollette both wicked men and heroes. Men as varied as Schall, Batista, Gitlow, Lewis, Hearst, Rogers, George, Landon, McCarthy, Winant, Breckinridge and Chibas. Chibas is now dead by his own hand, and our Party and Nation rejoice as another element of its destructive establishment is no longer an element.. And now, just now, a valiant General may rise from the ashes, no longer a political martyr in a jail cell, he will be dignified with the office of the Presidency, which we will draft his way towards. For in temporal punishment, redemption is always found, and such redemption is always found if we as a Nation accept the leaders who God sends for our national salvation. Even the Hebrews turned on Moses during their Exodus from Egypt and we shall not commit their same mistake! Reject the illusion of 'Wide-Awake' Unity! It is far from Wide! For the Progressive establishment would much rather see Batista continue to rot in a jail cell, and even permanently exile him from the Party, rather than have true Party unity, for they are pharisaical hypocrites They rejected Batista, the candidate who could have won, the first time, so if you desire any answer for who should be blamed for LaFollette's reign of terror, it is not the 'spoiler' Batista, but the now deceased former Speaker, whose death signifies our Party's revival, and the rise of the hero Fulgencio Batista himself. From the Jail to the White House! Indeed! HORRAY!"
2024.05.16 19:20 No_Name_6819 Am I losing the love of my life? My sweet and loving bf 28M has told me so many lies and I 24F question my reality and if I’m in the wrong here please help me
Me (24F) and my boyfriend (28M) met 17 months ago on a dating app. At the time we were both in different countries and had set our location to a place we were both planning to visit. He asked me on a date for new years eve and even bought an event ticket for that night when we were both supposed to be there . Unfortunately a few days before my flight I got sick and never got to visit that country or see him there. I was expecting us to stop talking and I was talking/dating afew other people since I thought him and I would never meet in real life but to my surprise we started talking every single day and he was the sweetest guy I had ever met . We got to know each other pretty good to the point that he kept asking me to move to his country. After around 4 months of talking online he told me he’s getting a ticket and coming to see me for a week . And that’s when we had our first phone call , over that phone call he said he needs to tell me something because it might be a red flag for me and he just wants to be honest about it , he said he has dated a stripper before me (around 2 years before me) but they were never official and it was something casual just because he was lonely and she was pushy. To be honest I didn’t like hearing that but I was still okay with it. Fast forward to our first week together, we went on date every single day , we went to really nice restaurants and bars and he was putting in so much effort into our dates, we eventually spent the weekend together and that’s when he gave me a gift along with a letter telling me how much he loves me and then we were intimate for the first time and spent the entire weekend in his hotel room .
He went back to his country for work and came back to see me after 5 weeks and we had another amazing week together and that’s when I told him that I love him too so we got alot closer and talked about our past, about how he used to be a party boy and into drugs but he’s changed now and people we have dated and exes , and in a funny conversation the topic of body count came up and I told him mine is 3 and he said he has been with 6 people in total which was shockingly good in my opinion. He also told me that the last time he slept with someone was a year before me because he’s not into one night stands or casual sex because he is emotional and can’t just have that with anyone and that was very respectable and admirable in my opinion and made me fall in love even more . I was honest with and told him the last time I had slept with someone was a month or two into us talking but there was no emotion connection with that person, he was upset but he said he understood that we weren’t that serious back then .
He came back for the 3rd time after 2 weeks and that’s when we got an Airbnb and spent the whole week together cooking and talking like a married couple in love , on the same week we ran into a girl in our airbnb building and she was so happy to see my bf , she jumped to hug him and gave him a kiss on the cheek but my bf seemed kinda uncomfortable. After the interaction I was curious to know how does he know someone in my country so I asked him who she was and he said she is his high school classmate that lives in the same city as him now and she just got married so it must be a coincidence that she’s visiting too.
He was back to see me for another week after 2 weeks and at that point we both knew we are offical and that neither of us has even talked to anyone else for the past 4-5 months but we still didn’t put a label on it because I was so afraid of doing long distance and the fact that I was going to move to a country even further away from him in a month. On that week we went and got an STD test together and I even got an IUD so we don’t have to worry about using protection anymore. He knew that I had this unreasonable fear of contracting HIV and this was him being supportive and calming my nerves.
Afew weeks later I moved to a different country around 17000 miles away and when I was looking for a place there we decided to lease an apartment together and furnish our home together because he was planning on moving there to live with me . He came to visit me for a month and we had more amazing days together and became officially girlfriend and boyfriend .he was the sweetest most loving and understanding guy ever.
We did 3 month of long distance and I missed him so bad that I decided to leave everything behind and sell my stuff to go travel with him for 3 months and also go and visit his family and his hometown , it was hard but we made it work and we were both on cloud 9 for the first 2 weeks together. And after meeting his family things were even more serious , they all loved me and keep asking him when he’s going to propose and end the long distance and I even got invited to his brother’s wedding.
One night my trust issues got the best of me and decided to check his phone ( I know it’s bad) I didn’t see anything too bad as his chats were mostly deleted but I came across a chat with that high-school classmate I mentioned earlier and I found out that they had been on a few dates and that he had sent her the same sweet questions as he sent to me word for word. I also saw that they spent the night together and he had a hickey on his neck from her . I also saw that before meeting me he was sliding into girls dms calling them hot and being sexual and I was sooo shocked just because the image he showed me of himself was so so different. I gave him a chance to come clean in the morning but he kept on lying to my face till I showed him the chats , even then he denied ever sleeping with her . I was so hurt that so early in our relationship he could lie to my face for no reason .
I was upset so I left our villa to stay at a hotel, he kept texting and calling and begging me to give him another chance and go to dinner with him and I did, he was so apologetic he was so upset and he kept saying all he wants is to go back and never lie to me so I asked him to come clean about anything else he has lied about . I went over everything with him and asked if they were lies too? he said no . I decided to stay and give us another chance .
Just 3 days after that night I asked him if I can delete his exes number that is a stripper off his phone in front of him he said yes and when I went to delete it I saw their messages , it wasn’t from 2 years before me ! The last message was 15 days before meeting me and turns out she was actually his friend’s girlfriend and they were secretly seeing each other… I was so heartbroken I couldn’t believe he is a person like that and that he has lied to my face again! He used to always say he hates cheater and that he has been cheated on before so he would never do anything like that but in the chats they were making fun of that girl’s bf which was his friend.
He started apologising again and told me there is more, there is someone else he has slept with shortly before me and that whole not sleeping with anyone for a year and no one nights stands was lie to make me fall in love with him . I forgave him again and decided to help him not feel ashamed about his past .
4 days later I asked him to send me our STD test results from months ago to me again because I lost it and my doctor wanted see it he started looking at his emails and said he can’t find it so I offered to help him look and I found it in his trash folder, but again I wanted to give him a chance so I asked if he has deleted it? He said no ! Turns out he was tested positive for a very minor and not dangerous STD and because he felt ashamed he edited the results when he sent it to months earlier. And deleted it afew days prior. His excuse was that I’m very anxious and fearful about STDs so he didn’t want to worry me because the doctor said it doesn’t need a treatment , And again I was convinced .
A few weeks passed and we were arguing a-lot because of trust issues but we were trying to get help and work on the relationship, he even confessed that there were more small lies he has told me , like saying some of the girls he was following were his friends or friends of friends when in fact they were girls he had met on tinder before meeting me . I struggled to understand why he would lie to me about stuff like this when I had never showed to be a jealous or not understanding GF .
A few weeks later we were doing better and travelling different countries together and I thought we’re done with lies so one night I was overthinking and asked him about a blocked number I saw on his phone that first time I looked through it , I asked who’s number that was because It had the country code of the country I lived in when we first started dating. He reassured me that it’s probably a scam number and that I was overthinking but I wasn’t convinced so I put it into google and it brought up so many escort websites from that country. For a whole week I begged and cried for him to tell me the truth to tell me I’m not crazy and what I’m seeing is right but he denied it every time for a whole week and even cried because I couldn’t believe him till one morning when I promised him I won’t leave if he just tells me , he confessed that on that first week after or first or second date when he went back to his hotel room he looked at escort sites and texted them but kept swearing that he never saw one and to him it just like watching porn . Once again I was in disbelief because he used to always say people that pay for sex are evil and are using girls that might have been trafficked for sex , I was also heartbroken and disgusted that he could do that in my city , somewhere that was my home and he was supposed to be there just for me and the fact that I’d have been on the same bed we had sex for the first time and the same room he told me he loved me in only 2 days later …
He blamed it all on porn and his porn addiction, I was shocked because I never had a problem with him watching porn I had even asked him if he wants to watch it together but he always seemed not that interested. He said that he has had trust issues and the reason why he went on an escort site in the first place was to make sure I wasn’t one … Honestly I didn’t know what to do with that informations ! How could he even possibly think that but it doesn’t bother me what bothers me is thinking that he got on 5 hour flight and took me on all those nice dates thinking I might be an escort?? And when he realised I wasn’t he looked for a real one ? Like he was disappointed that I wasn’t an escort? After 5-6 months of talking to me all day and night . I couldn’t not understand and will never understand .
Because of my promise I stayed and went to therapy ever since then he keeps saying I know all of his dark side and secrets and there is nothing else he would lie to me about. He’s been super apologetic and putting up with my anxiety and hearing out my hurt and looking for ways to fix our relationship and trust.
Our trip ended and we are doing long distance again and I told him I won’t be like before because it takes time to rebuild trust he understood and said it’s fair for me to look for things or have doubts . The other night i was looking at his email to make sure there are no more escort or things like that and I saw an email from a almost a year before me , it was from a flowegift shop that he has bought me flowers from which was very meaningful to me .
I saw that he had sent the same flower to that stripper girl that he claimed he was never in a relationship with only difference is hers was way more expensive and it had a note saying she is his world and there was another flower order worth 500$ sent to the same girl and the note was he is sorry for not keeping his promises and that he is in love with her more than he could have ever imagined.word for word of how he has apologised to me.
He has been telling me for over a year now that he never told that girl he loved her without me ever asking him . So I asked him if he has ever bought her flowers? But I also sent him a text saying he doesn’t owe me anything from his past and he shouldn’t worry about hurting my feelings and just tell me truth because I love him . He said no . Afew hours later he said he remembered that it was one time and it was from the same shop but what he got me was better and once again without me even asking he said no but I never loved her and never told her I lover her . I gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked if there is a chance he doesn’t remember ? Maybe because it was over text ? He said no there is no way he wouldn’t remember saying something like that .
I sent him the email and all he had to say was that he wasn’t lying he just didn’t remember… And he kept saying but that’s all , I never got her anything else (like that’s the point) but I also saw another email in his trash folder and it was another gift order to the same girl and he deleted that email the same day so there is no way he wouldn’t remember those gifts …
I’m so done and over the lies but I’m starting to blame myself for asking things for caring about the past , my mind keep telling me at least he didn’t cheat on you . But then I remember he lied to me about things I never even asked for cared about. I remember that he might have been interested in me because he thought I might be an escort not because of who I am .
He has been the kindest and nicest person to me and has done everything to make sure I’m okay during our relationship . Am I doing something wrong? What to do ? I’m so confused
submitted by No_Name_6819 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
He went back to his country for work and came back to see me after 5 weeks and we had another amazing week together and that’s when I told him that I love him too so we got alot closer and talked about our past, about how he used to be a party boy and into drugs but he’s changed now and people we have dated and exes , and in a funny conversation the topic of body count came up and I told him mine is 3 and he said he has been with 6 people in total which was shockingly good in my opinion. He also told me that the last time he slept with someone was a year before me because he’s not into one night stands or casual sex because he is emotional and can’t just have that with anyone and that was very respectable and admirable in my opinion and made me fall in love even more . I was honest with and told him the last time I had slept with someone was a month or two into us talking but there was no emotion connection with that person, he was upset but he said he understood that we weren’t that serious back then .
He came back for the 3rd time after 2 weeks and that’s when we got an Airbnb and spent the whole week together cooking and talking like a married couple in love , on the same week we ran into a girl in our airbnb building and she was so happy to see my bf , she jumped to hug him and gave him a kiss on the cheek but my bf seemed kinda uncomfortable. After the interaction I was curious to know how does he know someone in my country so I asked him who she was and he said she is his high school classmate that lives in the same city as him now and she just got married so it must be a coincidence that she’s visiting too.
He was back to see me for another week after 2 weeks and at that point we both knew we are offical and that neither of us has even talked to anyone else for the past 4-5 months but we still didn’t put a label on it because I was so afraid of doing long distance and the fact that I was going to move to a country even further away from him in a month. On that week we went and got an STD test together and I even got an IUD so we don’t have to worry about using protection anymore. He knew that I had this unreasonable fear of contracting HIV and this was him being supportive and calming my nerves.
Afew weeks later I moved to a different country around 17000 miles away and when I was looking for a place there we decided to lease an apartment together and furnish our home together because he was planning on moving there to live with me . He came to visit me for a month and we had more amazing days together and became officially girlfriend and boyfriend .he was the sweetest most loving and understanding guy ever.
We did 3 month of long distance and I missed him so bad that I decided to leave everything behind and sell my stuff to go travel with him for 3 months and also go and visit his family and his hometown , it was hard but we made it work and we were both on cloud 9 for the first 2 weeks together. And after meeting his family things were even more serious , they all loved me and keep asking him when he’s going to propose and end the long distance and I even got invited to his brother’s wedding.
One night my trust issues got the best of me and decided to check his phone ( I know it’s bad) I didn’t see anything too bad as his chats were mostly deleted but I came across a chat with that high-school classmate I mentioned earlier and I found out that they had been on a few dates and that he had sent her the same sweet questions as he sent to me word for word. I also saw that they spent the night together and he had a hickey on his neck from her . I also saw that before meeting me he was sliding into girls dms calling them hot and being sexual and I was sooo shocked just because the image he showed me of himself was so so different. I gave him a chance to come clean in the morning but he kept on lying to my face till I showed him the chats , even then he denied ever sleeping with her . I was so hurt that so early in our relationship he could lie to my face for no reason .
I was upset so I left our villa to stay at a hotel, he kept texting and calling and begging me to give him another chance and go to dinner with him and I did, he was so apologetic he was so upset and he kept saying all he wants is to go back and never lie to me so I asked him to come clean about anything else he has lied about . I went over everything with him and asked if they were lies too? he said no . I decided to stay and give us another chance .
Just 3 days after that night I asked him if I can delete his exes number that is a stripper off his phone in front of him he said yes and when I went to delete it I saw their messages , it wasn’t from 2 years before me ! The last message was 15 days before meeting me and turns out she was actually his friend’s girlfriend and they were secretly seeing each other… I was so heartbroken I couldn’t believe he is a person like that and that he has lied to my face again! He used to always say he hates cheater and that he has been cheated on before so he would never do anything like that but in the chats they were making fun of that girl’s bf which was his friend.
He started apologising again and told me there is more, there is someone else he has slept with shortly before me and that whole not sleeping with anyone for a year and no one nights stands was lie to make me fall in love with him . I forgave him again and decided to help him not feel ashamed about his past .
4 days later I asked him to send me our STD test results from months ago to me again because I lost it and my doctor wanted see it he started looking at his emails and said he can’t find it so I offered to help him look and I found it in his trash folder, but again I wanted to give him a chance so I asked if he has deleted it? He said no ! Turns out he was tested positive for a very minor and not dangerous STD and because he felt ashamed he edited the results when he sent it to months earlier. And deleted it afew days prior. His excuse was that I’m very anxious and fearful about STDs so he didn’t want to worry me because the doctor said it doesn’t need a treatment , And again I was convinced .
A few weeks passed and we were arguing a-lot because of trust issues but we were trying to get help and work on the relationship, he even confessed that there were more small lies he has told me , like saying some of the girls he was following were his friends or friends of friends when in fact they were girls he had met on tinder before meeting me . I struggled to understand why he would lie to me about stuff like this when I had never showed to be a jealous or not understanding GF .
A few weeks later we were doing better and travelling different countries together and I thought we’re done with lies so one night I was overthinking and asked him about a blocked number I saw on his phone that first time I looked through it , I asked who’s number that was because It had the country code of the country I lived in when we first started dating. He reassured me that it’s probably a scam number and that I was overthinking but I wasn’t convinced so I put it into google and it brought up so many escort websites from that country. For a whole week I begged and cried for him to tell me the truth to tell me I’m not crazy and what I’m seeing is right but he denied it every time for a whole week and even cried because I couldn’t believe him till one morning when I promised him I won’t leave if he just tells me , he confessed that on that first week after or first or second date when he went back to his hotel room he looked at escort sites and texted them but kept swearing that he never saw one and to him it just like watching porn . Once again I was in disbelief because he used to always say people that pay for sex are evil and are using girls that might have been trafficked for sex , I was also heartbroken and disgusted that he could do that in my city , somewhere that was my home and he was supposed to be there just for me and the fact that I’d have been on the same bed we had sex for the first time and the same room he told me he loved me in only 2 days later …
He blamed it all on porn and his porn addiction, I was shocked because I never had a problem with him watching porn I had even asked him if he wants to watch it together but he always seemed not that interested. He said that he has had trust issues and the reason why he went on an escort site in the first place was to make sure I wasn’t one … Honestly I didn’t know what to do with that informations ! How could he even possibly think that but it doesn’t bother me what bothers me is thinking that he got on 5 hour flight and took me on all those nice dates thinking I might be an escort?? And when he realised I wasn’t he looked for a real one ? Like he was disappointed that I wasn’t an escort? After 5-6 months of talking to me all day and night . I couldn’t not understand and will never understand .
Because of my promise I stayed and went to therapy ever since then he keeps saying I know all of his dark side and secrets and there is nothing else he would lie to me about. He’s been super apologetic and putting up with my anxiety and hearing out my hurt and looking for ways to fix our relationship and trust.
Our trip ended and we are doing long distance again and I told him I won’t be like before because it takes time to rebuild trust he understood and said it’s fair for me to look for things or have doubts . The other night i was looking at his email to make sure there are no more escort or things like that and I saw an email from a almost a year before me , it was from a flowegift shop that he has bought me flowers from which was very meaningful to me .
I saw that he had sent the same flower to that stripper girl that he claimed he was never in a relationship with only difference is hers was way more expensive and it had a note saying she is his world and there was another flower order worth 500$ sent to the same girl and the note was he is sorry for not keeping his promises and that he is in love with her more than he could have ever imagined.word for word of how he has apologised to me.
He has been telling me for over a year now that he never told that girl he loved her without me ever asking him . So I asked him if he has ever bought her flowers? But I also sent him a text saying he doesn’t owe me anything from his past and he shouldn’t worry about hurting my feelings and just tell me truth because I love him . He said no . Afew hours later he said he remembered that it was one time and it was from the same shop but what he got me was better and once again without me even asking he said no but I never loved her and never told her I lover her . I gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked if there is a chance he doesn’t remember ? Maybe because it was over text ? He said no there is no way he wouldn’t remember saying something like that .
I sent him the email and all he had to say was that he wasn’t lying he just didn’t remember… And he kept saying but that’s all , I never got her anything else (like that’s the point) but I also saw another email in his trash folder and it was another gift order to the same girl and he deleted that email the same day so there is no way he wouldn’t remember those gifts …
I’m so done and over the lies but I’m starting to blame myself for asking things for caring about the past , my mind keep telling me at least he didn’t cheat on you . But then I remember he lied to me about things I never even asked for cared about. I remember that he might have been interested in me because he thought I might be an escort not because of who I am .
He has been the kindest and nicest person to me and has done everything to make sure I’m okay during our relationship . Am I doing something wrong? What to do ? I’m so confused
2024.05.16 19:20 legacyhunter47 Let's talk: Unknown (2024), Taiwan
Long post incoming!
I recently finished watching Unknown, a Taiwanese BL, and have a bunch of thoughts on it. I know you do too. So, let's talk Unknown.
The story, themes, and characters
The premise is, at the surface, quite straightforward. Wei Qian takes Zhi Yuan from the streets and raises him like a brother. Zhi Yuan develops feelings for his “brother” as he grows up. However, underneath all the love, we have childhood trauma, death, violence, homelessness, drug addiction, and lots of emotional drama.
The romance between Qian and Zhi Yuan may seem inappropriate, given that Qian literally raised Zhi Yuan. But Zhi Yuan clarifies it (for us and especially Qian) many times that he is not Qian’s “blood brother.” I didn’t have any issue with this relationship for the same reason. Plus, the age gap between the two wasn’t much. Even though Li Li calls Qian her father figure, Zhi Yuan does not feel the same. For Zhi Yuan, Qian was always the big brother who he looked up to, took care of, and eventually fell in love with.
Despite their hardships, I was pleased that Qian opened up to his “brother’s” affections. What worked in this series was that we were shown how the characters grew to be who they are. The love doesn’t happen quickly (the NC scene did, though, and I thank the BL gods for that), Qian’s problems don’t automatically disappear, and happiness is not permanent. The series shows Qian building a life for himself and his family that his mother couldn’t. And that takes time. In a series, about a couple of episodes. Many may find this progression slow. But the character development (and Chris’ cuteness) is what kept me interested.
Qian takes his sweet time to finally realize his feelings. In the meantime, we get a lot of hugs, touches, and longing looks from Zhi Yuan. Maybe to keep reminding Qian that he (Zhi Yuan) is always there for him. I ate up every scene with any sort of affection between these two angsty lovebirds.
Both brothers are supported by their playful sister, Li Li, the forever friend, San Pang, and a host of others who, even in small roles, make an impact. For example, Doctor Lin Zu Yuan was mesmerizing in the two episodes he was in. His one-liners and “do as you please” attitude had me in splits. He brought a little light-heartedness amongst all that angst and sorrow.
I absolutely loved that the story focused more on the characters rather than the love story. While the love between the brothers is what ties the story, the narrative centers around each one’s growth. There is not a single frame or dialog that is wasted.
The actors
The casting director struck gold with this cast, especially the leads. Chris Chiu and Kurt Huang were the perfect Qian and Zhi Yuan. They had amazing chemistry and complemented each other quite well. I usually don’t watch cast interviews, BTS, and other promotional videos. The few I watched of these two show that they get along well off-screen and that translated onto the screen.
The supporting actors had unfortunately not much screen time although they all were well-cast too. I, at first, did not recognize that Sam Lin (from We Best Love) was the quirky doctor. He looked a bit different in his first episode, but I couldn’t take my eyes off him.
I must appreciate the child actors. They embodied the characters well, especially Max Kuo (teenage Zhi Yuan). I think he had the most screen time out of the other child actors. He was superb as Zhi Yuan with the right mix of playfulness, affection, and growing love for his big brother.
The music
The somber background score was perfect for this series. Even the songs (although I cannot hum any) are very pleasant. I especially loved the one during the NC scene sung by Kim Jae Hoon (San Pang in the series) mainly because I’ve replayed that scene so many times (sue me, won’t you?) it’s stuck in my head. You can’t dance to any song, but you listen to them if you need something relaxing and chill.
The NC scene
It's quite rare that I really think about an NC scene once a series ends. This is not to say that there aren't any good ones, but the fact that most of them aren't memorable (for me).
In Episode 11, Qian gives in to his feelings and takes his relationship with Zhi Yuan to a more intimate level. They no longer remain just brothers, they become each other’s everything.
Unknown has one of the best NC scenes among the BLs I've watched. It's aesthetic, hot, consensual, and meaningful.
It also has one of the most orgasmic dialogs in all of the BL-verse, "You don't even know what I dream of at night..." The moment I heard it, I had to pause the video and gather my train of thought. I mean, WOW! Besides being steamy and arousing, that dialog is super relatable. I cannot count the number of times I have replayed that dialog. I just can't get it out of my head.
Dialog aside, the entire scene is shot really well. The voiceover and flashback scenes during the lovemaking and the music keeps you hooked and keeps it from becoming a hump fest. I am also happy that it was Qian who pulled Zhi Yuan for their first official kiss (not counting the drunken one), and not the other way round.
It was an emotionally evocative scene. I felt that for the first time in his life, Qian unclenched his mind. He could stop worrying about every little thing and simply relax. He was finally able to experience something uncomplicated with someone who loved him unconditionally.
The montage of Zhi Yuan during this scene was just chef’s kiss.
A fun video I came across was Kurt talking about how Chris moaned during the scene. Kurt did not expect that and his ears went red. I just want to say, "Good job, Chris!" I don't know about others, but I love it when a man moans in an intimate situation, be it kissing, sex, or touching. It elevates the intimacy. And Chris' improvisation did that, it elevated that scene.
In conclusion
When I started this series, I had no idea what it was about. I did not even read the description on MDL and just dove in because a lot of people kept recommending it. And you know what, I'm glad I did. Because this series is something else.
I often read about Taiwanese BLs being superior to their Thai, Japanese, and Korean counterparts. I am beginning to see why. So far, all the Taiwanese BLs I've watched have been really good. Unknown takes the crown, of course, but I must say I was impressed with Plus and Minus, We Best Love, and Kiseki: Dear to Me.
Unknown is officially one of my top 3 BLs (the other 2 being I Feel You Linger in the Air and Only Friends).
What did you guys think about this series? Was it a hit or miss for you?
submitted by legacyhunter47 to boyslove [link] [comments]
I recently finished watching Unknown, a Taiwanese BL, and have a bunch of thoughts on it. I know you do too. So, let's talk Unknown.
The story, themes, and characters
The premise is, at the surface, quite straightforward. Wei Qian takes Zhi Yuan from the streets and raises him like a brother. Zhi Yuan develops feelings for his “brother” as he grows up. However, underneath all the love, we have childhood trauma, death, violence, homelessness, drug addiction, and lots of emotional drama.
The romance between Qian and Zhi Yuan may seem inappropriate, given that Qian literally raised Zhi Yuan. But Zhi Yuan clarifies it (for us and especially Qian) many times that he is not Qian’s “blood brother.” I didn’t have any issue with this relationship for the same reason. Plus, the age gap between the two wasn’t much. Even though Li Li calls Qian her father figure, Zhi Yuan does not feel the same. For Zhi Yuan, Qian was always the big brother who he looked up to, took care of, and eventually fell in love with.
Despite their hardships, I was pleased that Qian opened up to his “brother’s” affections. What worked in this series was that we were shown how the characters grew to be who they are. The love doesn’t happen quickly (the NC scene did, though, and I thank the BL gods for that), Qian’s problems don’t automatically disappear, and happiness is not permanent. The series shows Qian building a life for himself and his family that his mother couldn’t. And that takes time. In a series, about a couple of episodes. Many may find this progression slow. But the character development (and Chris’ cuteness) is what kept me interested.
Qian takes his sweet time to finally realize his feelings. In the meantime, we get a lot of hugs, touches, and longing looks from Zhi Yuan. Maybe to keep reminding Qian that he (Zhi Yuan) is always there for him. I ate up every scene with any sort of affection between these two angsty lovebirds.
Both brothers are supported by their playful sister, Li Li, the forever friend, San Pang, and a host of others who, even in small roles, make an impact. For example, Doctor Lin Zu Yuan was mesmerizing in the two episodes he was in. His one-liners and “do as you please” attitude had me in splits. He brought a little light-heartedness amongst all that angst and sorrow.
I absolutely loved that the story focused more on the characters rather than the love story. While the love between the brothers is what ties the story, the narrative centers around each one’s growth. There is not a single frame or dialog that is wasted.
The actors
The casting director struck gold with this cast, especially the leads. Chris Chiu and Kurt Huang were the perfect Qian and Zhi Yuan. They had amazing chemistry and complemented each other quite well. I usually don’t watch cast interviews, BTS, and other promotional videos. The few I watched of these two show that they get along well off-screen and that translated onto the screen.
The supporting actors had unfortunately not much screen time although they all were well-cast too. I, at first, did not recognize that Sam Lin (from We Best Love) was the quirky doctor. He looked a bit different in his first episode, but I couldn’t take my eyes off him.
I must appreciate the child actors. They embodied the characters well, especially Max Kuo (teenage Zhi Yuan). I think he had the most screen time out of the other child actors. He was superb as Zhi Yuan with the right mix of playfulness, affection, and growing love for his big brother.
The music
The somber background score was perfect for this series. Even the songs (although I cannot hum any) are very pleasant. I especially loved the one during the NC scene sung by Kim Jae Hoon (San Pang in the series) mainly because I’ve replayed that scene so many times (sue me, won’t you?) it’s stuck in my head. You can’t dance to any song, but you listen to them if you need something relaxing and chill.
The NC scene
It's quite rare that I really think about an NC scene once a series ends. This is not to say that there aren't any good ones, but the fact that most of them aren't memorable (for me).
In Episode 11, Qian gives in to his feelings and takes his relationship with Zhi Yuan to a more intimate level. They no longer remain just brothers, they become each other’s everything.
Unknown has one of the best NC scenes among the BLs I've watched. It's aesthetic, hot, consensual, and meaningful.
It also has one of the most orgasmic dialogs in all of the BL-verse, "You don't even know what I dream of at night..." The moment I heard it, I had to pause the video and gather my train of thought. I mean, WOW! Besides being steamy and arousing, that dialog is super relatable. I cannot count the number of times I have replayed that dialog. I just can't get it out of my head.
Dialog aside, the entire scene is shot really well. The voiceover and flashback scenes during the lovemaking and the music keeps you hooked and keeps it from becoming a hump fest. I am also happy that it was Qian who pulled Zhi Yuan for their first official kiss (not counting the drunken one), and not the other way round.
It was an emotionally evocative scene. I felt that for the first time in his life, Qian unclenched his mind. He could stop worrying about every little thing and simply relax. He was finally able to experience something uncomplicated with someone who loved him unconditionally.
The montage of Zhi Yuan during this scene was just chef’s kiss.
A fun video I came across was Kurt talking about how Chris moaned during the scene. Kurt did not expect that and his ears went red. I just want to say, "Good job, Chris!" I don't know about others, but I love it when a man moans in an intimate situation, be it kissing, sex, or touching. It elevates the intimacy. And Chris' improvisation did that, it elevated that scene.
In conclusion
When I started this series, I had no idea what it was about. I did not even read the description on MDL and just dove in because a lot of people kept recommending it. And you know what, I'm glad I did. Because this series is something else.
I often read about Taiwanese BLs being superior to their Thai, Japanese, and Korean counterparts. I am beginning to see why. So far, all the Taiwanese BLs I've watched have been really good. Unknown takes the crown, of course, but I must say I was impressed with Plus and Minus, We Best Love, and Kiseki: Dear to Me.
Unknown is officially one of my top 3 BLs (the other 2 being I Feel You Linger in the Air and Only Friends).
What did you guys think about this series? Was it a hit or miss for you?
2024.05.16 19:20 Fit_Recognition_965 Halaita or how i stop worrying and love St. Wruceh - Absolutism Theocracy run for 3.0.8.
Many thanks to u/LieutenantRayne for helping my learn about the DLC through their guides.
What you'll get from this guide: Great economy, great living standards, victory in Verdosam, a new alliance with Derdia and Morella, a new wife (the inferior romance choice but alas), a new heir, reunification of the peninsula without war (no torturing Axel, sad!), the grace of god and ultimate political power.
Achievements you'll get: Prologue, chapter stuff, Great Unification, Intermekopum alliance, Wruceh's Second Coming, True Master of Crisis (unsure about that one), Glovurius axa Rizia axa Pales, The Prince, Fall from GRACE, Domineering, Mine All Mine, Ready To Love Again, Case Closed, My Rule Continues, Game Of Spoons or Two Birds for Beatrice, So It Is and Make Yourself Great Again.
Notes: Be polite even to your enemies and say Halaita alot.
PROLOGUE - Visit family in Zille, close friebds with Pabel, university (+1B), crackdown on traitors (+1A), rebuild (+1B), truly love your wife, family got in the way of work, vacation with wife and daughter, solace in faith, meet duke and agree with him, lie to dad, don't tell anything to your father, gold and tax focus (+2B and +1B per turn). Absolutism, Diversify (+1B), Third Way and no military spending (+1B).
TURN 1: A(8/+3) B(11/+6) E(3/+1).
Decrees=> Sovereign Transition and Clemency (-1A), Raise base income tax (-2A, +1B per turn), Geological Survey (-2A, -2B), Zpana Dam (-2A, -5B, 4T to complete, +3E per turn on completion) and Expand Esqiris Gas Field (-1A, -3B, 3T to complete, +2E per turn on completion).
Events=> No speech at coronation, allow vina in the council, small parade at Port Drazon, host concert (-1B), no sanctuaries restoration :( and football auto-skips due to lack of budget.
TURN 2: A(3/+3) B(7/+7) E(4/+1).
Decrees=> Housing for the poor (-1A, -1B) and Build Qalus Gold Mine (-1A ,-3B).
Events=> Oil dries up, trade talks with Sordland (invite Elena): Accept alcohol deal "is there a way to rephrase this?" accept resort deal "less gaudy", investigate dad's death thanks to Pabel (leave him out of the suspects), donate to Arufelde (-1B, makes dealing with Morella easier), build statues of all the family (-1B, +1A), in the hunt go with Hugo but tell him Vina and Rico are cousins after that go back with your daughter, ignore commie propaganda (we need to get in Hegel's good side) and be polite with Smolak regime.
TURN 3: A(5/+3) B(8/+7) E(4/+0).
Decrees=> Monqiz Port and Naval Expansion (-1A, -3B, 2T to complete, -1E per turn on completion) and Sallabes Consumer Park (-2A, -2B, 2T to complete, -1E per turn on completion).
Events=> Fund Golden Guard and focus on Su Omina (-3B), denounce Su Omina, accept Rumburg MAXIMUM energy deal (-3E, +2B and -2E per turn), deny police transfer to idiot Rico, tell manus to fuck off and don't let him dance with Vina, allow safe passage for Goldoncondists, rizz Lucita up (grab ger hand, don't le go etc) and refuse deal with Rusty but have lunch with him.
TURN 4: A(6/+4) B(9/+9) E(0/+0).
Decrees=> Build Tank Factory (-3A, -4B/ ONLY AFTER WINE TRADE SOARS!!!)
Events=> Disperse protests by force (+1A), Pales Stuff: Say u wanna talk to Axel and DON'T initiate blockade - Say to him to keep the field in exchange for something, "don't let hostility colour the negotiations", "predecessors were out of line", "caught between superpowers", "how big of a parachute?" - Pay what he asks and tell him about your daughter (-5B, -3B per turn and +3E per turn later), send 500 equipment abd 50 support vehicles to Verdosam, tell Alvarez to fuck off - at the AN meeting: don't interrupt Smolak, applaud him politely, don't applaud Lespia, don't confront Hegel, Speech: "Honor to adress assembly", focus on unity, Smolak is being understandable and you'll count with his transparency, "Morella looking is east is understandable", offer help to Morella, say a compromise with religious travellers is possible, "regarding Pales", "golden age" and "end cycle of violence" - attend H.o.D and give rights to all workers (-2B, -1B per turn, industrial power weakened), NO Wehlen cooperation (We won't get Smolak in the alliance but he's an asshole anyways), wine trade soars (+2B) - Wine Event Speech: "fruits of our lands", "yes, even Sords", "doubts about stability", "with your help", "proud son of Valenqiris", "richly rewarded", "rise a glass to a reunited Rizia" and "you're here to drink wine" - Invite Lucita to open the bottle, rizz her up, say good night to staff, play drinking game (No Pablo), get something to wrong to gwt drunk, say you're lonely. If things goes right Lucita will knock on your door and have sex with you,. Sordland Investment auto-skips (no money).
TURN 5: A(8/+4) B(5/+5) E(0/+1)
Decrees=> Build Military Eq. Factory (-1A, -2B), Build Support Vehicles Factory (-2A, -3B), Sell 1st Batch of Military Eq. (+2B/ immediatly AFTER football auto-skips AKA after Hegel's Call) and enforce Wruceh education (-3A).
Events=> Agreement with Wehlen: *Import Oil and Medicine, *Export Wine and Small Arms, *Aid against BFF, *Ban Bluds and *Grant Wehzeks equal rights to work. Fund no organization in Zille, continue investigating Du Omina (-1A) and ask about Iza and give control to Lucita, tell Titus to look into Hugo, Football auto-skips :), complain to Hegel about the late hour so you can cut Lespia out for ships, be polite to Alma and DON'T eat the cookies (they're horrible), tell her about spliting Lespia's shares 50-50 between you and Morella, at plane - Speak with Derdia, Energy Agreement and Pollution reparations (-1B/ Make sure to do this in the plane to get the toy bird), Vina diplomatic envoy, send sordish tourists back home, Gas Field meeting - Tell Vina to be diplomatic envoy, "Absolutely not!", "single", "handsome" - Scrap Boat (-1A).
TURN 6: A(4/+3) B(8/+7) E(4/+4).
Decrees=> Enact investment in Public Transport (-2A, -3B, 1E/ FIRST THING TO DO AT THE START OF THE TURN! If u don't u get transport crisis), Excavation of Topes (-2A, -2B, 2T to complete) and Medium Energy Sale (-3E, +2B/ AFTER council meeting to avoid energy crisis - always one step ahead of Torpor).
Events=> Massive Global Media Campaign (-3B/ SUPER IMPORTANT!), send 1 infantry div. to confederacy, DON'T start war, Axel talk - Shake hand, don't interrupt, "peace", "peaceful resolution", let soldiers leave immediatly, "i do not underestimate the gravity", "what would we gain?", "I'm starting to suspect that", "someone else", "Lespia", "this is precisely the point", "why wouldn't he?" and "anything for peace"(-1B), sign paper and talk about cooperation and friendship (+6E, +6E per turn).
TURN 7: A(3/+3) B(8/+8) E(13/+7)
Decrees=> Abolish Blasphemy Law(-3A/ SUPER IMPORTANT).
Events=> Invite Sal to H.o.D, don't fund Zille, Grand Wiseman Talks - Let Titus fight don't talk to him or interrupt him, Trade deal (-2E, +2E per turn) and mediation with Morella - Send 1 ship and 1 sub to confederacy, Hugo will tell Toras are happy, order Manus arrest, rid Rico of his title put Iza under your control, tell Hugo you're but that's it, improve enviroment (-3B), Azaros and Lucita will be happy, go to private lounge with her.
TURN 8: A(6/+7) B(16/+9) E(13/0).
Decrees=> Increase Health and Education Funds (-2A, -3B), Tenant Protection Laws (-2A, -1B), Remove Provincial Police and Levy Obligation (-8A, -2B/ SUPER IMPORTANT/ Do it AFTER meditation investment/ U get enough authority for it through the dissolution of the H.o.D) and Small Energy Sale (-1E, +1B/ Necessary to remove Provincial Levy Obligation).
Events=> Host banquets to celebrate victory (+2A,-2B,+2B per turn), don't reveal Lespia evil doings to the world, be polite to drunk Alvarez and reveal the your findings at the end of the conversation so he can offer a deal to arrest Rusty - take it, arrest Rusty, nationalize his assets by buying shares (-2B), invest in renewable energy (-3B), welcome brave sailors back home, invest 1A in Derdia-Morella talks (SUPER IMPORTANT), close H.o.D (+A), -3B for Intermekopum, (SUPER IMPORTANT) , Smolak will ask the AN for a referendum, AN Stuff - Vote Nay to island claim, interrupt smolak bullshit speech, in your own speech talk about the importance of treaties, how bad people are treated by Wehlen, how Wehlen doesn't respect democracy and that Weheln wants to stela land, if done correctly AN will vote against referendum and you'll get Zille back (hooray!) - Talk to Vina about marriage with Axel respect her but tell this is the best for Rizia - she'll say yes :) - don't give ring her so u can give to Lucita, marry Lucita through Sal, be polite at the weeding and reveal your own with Lucita (Taddeus Azaro will have an orgasm).
TURN 9: A(9/+9) B(11/+10) E(12/-1)
Decrees=> lower conscription to 18 (-2A, -2B, +1000 men) and Launch Anti-Narcotis Campaign (-1A, -1B/ reduces tourism and doesn't last. Now is the best time).
Events=> Derdia-Morella Talks: offer -250 men, vote yes to new MITZ, offer -5E for Intermekopum (alliance formed +10A), Accept aid from Valgsland (+2B), leave Grace (middle finger if Sordland Save or correct spoon shit), Zille is returned! Give it to yourself (Great Living Standards + Cucked Sazons = No unrest), Wruceh Guardians (-1B) and Pales Unification Plans (-2B).
TURN 10: A(15/+19) B(17/+9) E(8/+1).
Decrees=> Expanded Border Guards (-2A, -1B/ Now because it reduces tourism and it's one less red modifier).
Events=> In the meeting with Titus say Luciat is innocent, declare that Hugo is guilty but just keep an eye on him (he's loyal and much better than his smooth-brained son), execute Manus and Rusty for all to see, drink with Axel and reassure that palensians will be respected, declare Theocracy, make your son the heir to get achievement and Azaros on thw jubilee, finally, enjoy becoming Rizia's Lisan Al Gaib and lead your people to paradise.
Hope you enjoyed the guide! I might make one for a reformist + Pabel romance run. No promises though.
submitted by Fit_Recognition_965 to suzerain [link] [comments]
What you'll get from this guide: Great economy, great living standards, victory in Verdosam, a new alliance with Derdia and Morella, a new wife (the inferior romance choice but alas), a new heir, reunification of the peninsula without war (no torturing Axel, sad!), the grace of god and ultimate political power.
Achievements you'll get: Prologue, chapter stuff, Great Unification, Intermekopum alliance, Wruceh's Second Coming, True Master of Crisis (unsure about that one), Glovurius axa Rizia axa Pales, The Prince, Fall from GRACE, Domineering, Mine All Mine, Ready To Love Again, Case Closed, My Rule Continues, Game Of Spoons or Two Birds for Beatrice, So It Is and Make Yourself Great Again.
Notes: Be polite even to your enemies and say Halaita alot.
PROLOGUE - Visit family in Zille, close friebds with Pabel, university (+1B), crackdown on traitors (+1A), rebuild (+1B), truly love your wife, family got in the way of work, vacation with wife and daughter, solace in faith, meet duke and agree with him, lie to dad, don't tell anything to your father, gold and tax focus (+2B and +1B per turn). Absolutism, Diversify (+1B), Third Way and no military spending (+1B).
TURN 1: A(8/+3) B(11/+6) E(3/+1).
Decrees=> Sovereign Transition and Clemency (-1A), Raise base income tax (-2A, +1B per turn), Geological Survey (-2A, -2B), Zpana Dam (-2A, -5B, 4T to complete, +3E per turn on completion) and Expand Esqiris Gas Field (-1A, -3B, 3T to complete, +2E per turn on completion).
Events=> No speech at coronation, allow vina in the council, small parade at Port Drazon, host concert (-1B), no sanctuaries restoration :( and football auto-skips due to lack of budget.
TURN 2: A(3/+3) B(7/+7) E(4/+1).
Decrees=> Housing for the poor (-1A, -1B) and Build Qalus Gold Mine (-1A ,-3B).
Events=> Oil dries up, trade talks with Sordland (invite Elena): Accept alcohol deal "is there a way to rephrase this?" accept resort deal "less gaudy", investigate dad's death thanks to Pabel (leave him out of the suspects), donate to Arufelde (-1B, makes dealing with Morella easier), build statues of all the family (-1B, +1A), in the hunt go with Hugo but tell him Vina and Rico are cousins after that go back with your daughter, ignore commie propaganda (we need to get in Hegel's good side) and be polite with Smolak regime.
TURN 3: A(5/+3) B(8/+7) E(4/+0).
Decrees=> Monqiz Port and Naval Expansion (-1A, -3B, 2T to complete, -1E per turn on completion) and Sallabes Consumer Park (-2A, -2B, 2T to complete, -1E per turn on completion).
Events=> Fund Golden Guard and focus on Su Omina (-3B), denounce Su Omina, accept Rumburg MAXIMUM energy deal (-3E, +2B and -2E per turn), deny police transfer to idiot Rico, tell manus to fuck off and don't let him dance with Vina, allow safe passage for Goldoncondists, rizz Lucita up (grab ger hand, don't le go etc) and refuse deal with Rusty but have lunch with him.
TURN 4: A(6/+4) B(9/+9) E(0/+0).
Decrees=> Build Tank Factory (-3A, -4B/ ONLY AFTER WINE TRADE SOARS!!!)
Events=> Disperse protests by force (+1A), Pales Stuff: Say u wanna talk to Axel and DON'T initiate blockade - Say to him to keep the field in exchange for something, "don't let hostility colour the negotiations", "predecessors were out of line", "caught between superpowers", "how big of a parachute?" - Pay what he asks and tell him about your daughter (-5B, -3B per turn and +3E per turn later), send 500 equipment abd 50 support vehicles to Verdosam, tell Alvarez to fuck off - at the AN meeting: don't interrupt Smolak, applaud him politely, don't applaud Lespia, don't confront Hegel, Speech: "Honor to adress assembly", focus on unity, Smolak is being understandable and you'll count with his transparency, "Morella looking is east is understandable", offer help to Morella, say a compromise with religious travellers is possible, "regarding Pales", "golden age" and "end cycle of violence" - attend H.o.D and give rights to all workers (-2B, -1B per turn, industrial power weakened), NO Wehlen cooperation (We won't get Smolak in the alliance but he's an asshole anyways), wine trade soars (+2B) - Wine Event Speech: "fruits of our lands", "yes, even Sords", "doubts about stability", "with your help", "proud son of Valenqiris", "richly rewarded", "rise a glass to a reunited Rizia" and "you're here to drink wine" - Invite Lucita to open the bottle, rizz her up, say good night to staff, play drinking game (No Pablo), get something to wrong to gwt drunk, say you're lonely. If things goes right Lucita will knock on your door and have sex with you,. Sordland Investment auto-skips (no money).
TURN 5: A(8/+4) B(5/+5) E(0/+1)
Decrees=> Build Military Eq. Factory (-1A, -2B), Build Support Vehicles Factory (-2A, -3B), Sell 1st Batch of Military Eq. (+2B/ immediatly AFTER football auto-skips AKA after Hegel's Call) and enforce Wruceh education (-3A).
Events=> Agreement with Wehlen: *Import Oil and Medicine, *Export Wine and Small Arms, *Aid against BFF, *Ban Bluds and *Grant Wehzeks equal rights to work. Fund no organization in Zille, continue investigating Du Omina (-1A) and ask about Iza and give control to Lucita, tell Titus to look into Hugo, Football auto-skips :), complain to Hegel about the late hour so you can cut Lespia out for ships, be polite to Alma and DON'T eat the cookies (they're horrible), tell her about spliting Lespia's shares 50-50 between you and Morella, at plane - Speak with Derdia, Energy Agreement and Pollution reparations (-1B/ Make sure to do this in the plane to get the toy bird), Vina diplomatic envoy, send sordish tourists back home, Gas Field meeting - Tell Vina to be diplomatic envoy, "Absolutely not!", "single", "handsome" - Scrap Boat (-1A).
TURN 6: A(4/+3) B(8/+7) E(4/+4).
Decrees=> Enact investment in Public Transport (-2A, -3B, 1E/ FIRST THING TO DO AT THE START OF THE TURN! If u don't u get transport crisis), Excavation of Topes (-2A, -2B, 2T to complete) and Medium Energy Sale (-3E, +2B/ AFTER council meeting to avoid energy crisis - always one step ahead of Torpor).
Events=> Massive Global Media Campaign (-3B/ SUPER IMPORTANT!), send 1 infantry div. to confederacy, DON'T start war, Axel talk - Shake hand, don't interrupt, "peace", "peaceful resolution", let soldiers leave immediatly, "i do not underestimate the gravity", "what would we gain?", "I'm starting to suspect that", "someone else", "Lespia", "this is precisely the point", "why wouldn't he?" and "anything for peace"(-1B), sign paper and talk about cooperation and friendship (+6E, +6E per turn).
TURN 7: A(3/+3) B(8/+8) E(13/+7)
Decrees=> Abolish Blasphemy Law(-3A/ SUPER IMPORTANT).
Events=> Invite Sal to H.o.D, don't fund Zille, Grand Wiseman Talks - Let Titus fight don't talk to him or interrupt him, Trade deal (-2E, +2E per turn) and mediation with Morella - Send 1 ship and 1 sub to confederacy, Hugo will tell Toras are happy, order Manus arrest, rid Rico of his title put Iza under your control, tell Hugo you're but that's it, improve enviroment (-3B), Azaros and Lucita will be happy, go to private lounge with her.
TURN 8: A(6/+7) B(16/+9) E(13/0).
Decrees=> Increase Health and Education Funds (-2A, -3B), Tenant Protection Laws (-2A, -1B), Remove Provincial Police and Levy Obligation (-8A, -2B/ SUPER IMPORTANT/ Do it AFTER meditation investment/ U get enough authority for it through the dissolution of the H.o.D) and Small Energy Sale (-1E, +1B/ Necessary to remove Provincial Levy Obligation).
Events=> Host banquets to celebrate victory (+2A,-2B,+2B per turn), don't reveal Lespia evil doings to the world, be polite to drunk Alvarez and reveal the your findings at the end of the conversation so he can offer a deal to arrest Rusty - take it, arrest Rusty, nationalize his assets by buying shares (-2B), invest in renewable energy (-3B), welcome brave sailors back home, invest 1A in Derdia-Morella talks (SUPER IMPORTANT), close H.o.D (+A), -3B for Intermekopum, (SUPER IMPORTANT) , Smolak will ask the AN for a referendum, AN Stuff - Vote Nay to island claim, interrupt smolak bullshit speech, in your own speech talk about the importance of treaties, how bad people are treated by Wehlen, how Wehlen doesn't respect democracy and that Weheln wants to stela land, if done correctly AN will vote against referendum and you'll get Zille back (hooray!) - Talk to Vina about marriage with Axel respect her but tell this is the best for Rizia - she'll say yes :) - don't give ring her so u can give to Lucita, marry Lucita through Sal, be polite at the weeding and reveal your own with Lucita (Taddeus Azaro will have an orgasm).
TURN 9: A(9/+9) B(11/+10) E(12/-1)
Decrees=> lower conscription to 18 (-2A, -2B, +1000 men) and Launch Anti-Narcotis Campaign (-1A, -1B/ reduces tourism and doesn't last. Now is the best time).
Events=> Derdia-Morella Talks: offer -250 men, vote yes to new MITZ, offer -5E for Intermekopum (alliance formed +10A), Accept aid from Valgsland (+2B), leave Grace (middle finger if Sordland Save or correct spoon shit), Zille is returned! Give it to yourself (Great Living Standards + Cucked Sazons = No unrest), Wruceh Guardians (-1B) and Pales Unification Plans (-2B).
TURN 10: A(15/+19) B(17/+9) E(8/+1).
Decrees=> Expanded Border Guards (-2A, -1B/ Now because it reduces tourism and it's one less red modifier).
Events=> In the meeting with Titus say Luciat is innocent, declare that Hugo is guilty but just keep an eye on him (he's loyal and much better than his smooth-brained son), execute Manus and Rusty for all to see, drink with Axel and reassure that palensians will be respected, declare Theocracy, make your son the heir to get achievement and Azaros on thw jubilee, finally, enjoy becoming Rizia's Lisan Al Gaib and lead your people to paradise.
Hope you enjoyed the guide! I might make one for a reformist + Pabel romance run. No promises though.
2024.05.16 19:16 Funbot28 Should I still be upset?
Hi I (M24) recently was in my first real relationship (or situationship) of we want to call it that with someone I had matched with on Tinder (M20) the past June. We talked for a bit and exchanged IGs but nothing really came out of it besides him liking all my stories and commenting here and there on how sexy I was. It was only until this past January where I finally decided to kick things off with him but considering his age I was not expecting much out of it besides casual fun. While we did have sex our first time linking up we really had a connection with one another and then that's where the love bombing started to come in on his end. A red flag for sure looking back but he was telling me how much he loved me and how we should get matching tattoos etc etc.
Important points to note. He claims is bisexual but never truly had experiences with women before only men from what he had told me. I am more on the fem side so I understand why I tend to attract bisexual men although sometimes I view it as a curse lol. Also, he is south Asian with conservative parents so although his friends and extended family knew about his sexuality, his parents did not. This was something I was told and knew and made our link ups short and sweet as he still lived at home and had toale up excuses for being gone for so long.
Despite all this, things were sweet for about a month or so, I hard launched him on my IG stories, he meet my friends and for the first time I felt genuinely considered outside of my body. Yes he had sex everytime we meet but it was not forced and it was truly because we couldn't physically see eachother as much as we wanted to so it made those intimate moments even more special.
In comes March and one day I get a text letting me know that his mom found out about us. I already knew what was going to come next but a small part of me thought that there may be some hope that she would come around and accept her son for who he is. I was unfortunately very wrong and two days later I get a short call saying that we can't be together anymore cause of his parents basically giving him an ultimatum of break up with me or be kicked out the house....
Despite this happening we texted eachother everyday still but of course not at the same volume and with the same level of compassion as before. One day I missed him so much that I went to go see him while his parents werent home and I hear a Tinder notification on his phone while he was in the bathroom. Now I expect him to move on at some point but this was only 10 days after the breakup and just before he was crying and confiding in me that I was the best thing he had ever had in his life blah blah blah.
However the first thing I couldn't shake off my head was if he was on Tinder solely for looking for female partners or also looking for guys too. I confronted him and he promised me that it was only straight Tinder as his uncle was adamant that he should start exploring with girls. It hurt of course but I tried to be emphatic cause his family situation was truly messed up. Weeks go by and we still text everyday and see eachother time to time until one day I get a DM from a friend saying that he was back on Grindr and when I went to go check he had blocked me from the app...
I was devastated I confronted him again and he said he blocked me cause he didn't want to hurt me and he is only looking for hookups. Now my question was if you truly wanted to respect your parents wishes and break up with me then why are you still putting yourself out there on Grindr even if it was just for hookups. Heck I was still acting like a FWB at that point so it just hurt me so much to see him still need more.
At the present day the mom found out that we were still in contact and I assume that he was fucking around with other people and "forced" him to block me on all socials and Imessage.
I'm trying to move on from the situation but deep down it hurts so much cause it's hard to find someone who genuinely wants to know me more than my body...
I know the red flags were there but do I still give him grace because his family situation was so messed up or like idk how to feel 😭
submitted by Funbot28 to askgaybros [link] [comments]
Important points to note. He claims is bisexual but never truly had experiences with women before only men from what he had told me. I am more on the fem side so I understand why I tend to attract bisexual men although sometimes I view it as a curse lol. Also, he is south Asian with conservative parents so although his friends and extended family knew about his sexuality, his parents did not. This was something I was told and knew and made our link ups short and sweet as he still lived at home and had toale up excuses for being gone for so long.
Despite all this, things were sweet for about a month or so, I hard launched him on my IG stories, he meet my friends and for the first time I felt genuinely considered outside of my body. Yes he had sex everytime we meet but it was not forced and it was truly because we couldn't physically see eachother as much as we wanted to so it made those intimate moments even more special.
In comes March and one day I get a text letting me know that his mom found out about us. I already knew what was going to come next but a small part of me thought that there may be some hope that she would come around and accept her son for who he is. I was unfortunately very wrong and two days later I get a short call saying that we can't be together anymore cause of his parents basically giving him an ultimatum of break up with me or be kicked out the house....
Despite this happening we texted eachother everyday still but of course not at the same volume and with the same level of compassion as before. One day I missed him so much that I went to go see him while his parents werent home and I hear a Tinder notification on his phone while he was in the bathroom. Now I expect him to move on at some point but this was only 10 days after the breakup and just before he was crying and confiding in me that I was the best thing he had ever had in his life blah blah blah.
However the first thing I couldn't shake off my head was if he was on Tinder solely for looking for female partners or also looking for guys too. I confronted him and he promised me that it was only straight Tinder as his uncle was adamant that he should start exploring with girls. It hurt of course but I tried to be emphatic cause his family situation was truly messed up. Weeks go by and we still text everyday and see eachother time to time until one day I get a DM from a friend saying that he was back on Grindr and when I went to go check he had blocked me from the app...
I was devastated I confronted him again and he said he blocked me cause he didn't want to hurt me and he is only looking for hookups. Now my question was if you truly wanted to respect your parents wishes and break up with me then why are you still putting yourself out there on Grindr even if it was just for hookups. Heck I was still acting like a FWB at that point so it just hurt me so much to see him still need more.
At the present day the mom found out that we were still in contact and I assume that he was fucking around with other people and "forced" him to block me on all socials and Imessage.
I'm trying to move on from the situation but deep down it hurts so much cause it's hard to find someone who genuinely wants to know me more than my body...
I know the red flags were there but do I still give him grace because his family situation was so messed up or like idk how to feel 😭
2024.05.16 18:57 Key_Demand9913 Update in comments
I need HELP.
Okay ladies, bring in the big guns PLEASE. I’ll start off by saying what all I’ve been tested for and then my symptoms and will TAKE ANY FEED BACK. pap- negative for HPV/malignancy STI- chlamydia, gonorrhea, Trichomonas, syphilis, HIV all negative tested now 3 times for bacterial stds Yeast species- negative Bv- negative Yeast glabrata- negative UA- no protein, bacteria, blood, rbcs, but trace amounts of leukocytes and ketones Ureaplasma and mycoplasma- negative
Symptoms have been constant since last August (it’s now April)
Raw feeling/Irritated vulva/itchy If I take a shower in the morning it’s okay but as the day progresses it starts again Foul smelling urine Discharge ranges from thick-watery Dr noticed thin with clumps of discharge in it Red inflamed vagina/cervix Haven’t had sex since before this started so had no idea how inflamed I was till I was getting a pelvic exam Itchy in anal area as well Discharge smells from a metallic sou to fishy Crawling feeling where discharge is No lesions or bumbs And it’s been NON STOP for months.
Please and thank you for ALL feedback.
submitted by Key_Demand9913 to VaginalMicrobiome [link] [comments]
Okay ladies, bring in the big guns PLEASE. I’ll start off by saying what all I’ve been tested for and then my symptoms and will TAKE ANY FEED BACK. pap- negative for HPV/malignancy STI- chlamydia, gonorrhea, Trichomonas, syphilis, HIV all negative tested now 3 times for bacterial stds Yeast species- negative Bv- negative Yeast glabrata- negative UA- no protein, bacteria, blood, rbcs, but trace amounts of leukocytes and ketones Ureaplasma and mycoplasma- negative
Symptoms have been constant since last August (it’s now April)
Raw feeling/Irritated vulva/itchy If I take a shower in the morning it’s okay but as the day progresses it starts again Foul smelling urine Discharge ranges from thick-watery Dr noticed thin with clumps of discharge in it Red inflamed vagina/cervix Haven’t had sex since before this started so had no idea how inflamed I was till I was getting a pelvic exam Itchy in anal area as well Discharge smells from a metallic sou to fishy Crawling feeling where discharge is No lesions or bumbs And it’s been NON STOP for months.
Please and thank you for ALL feedback.
2024.05.16 18:44 calvin324hk [H] 1000+ Games / DLCs / VR Games [W] Paypal / Wishlist / Offers
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submitted by calvin324hk to indiegameswap [link] [comments]
https://www.reddit.com/sgsflaicomments/of2wzu/flair_profile_ucalvin324hk/
Wishlist
Region: NA (Canada)
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CTRL + F to find your games in terms of name
- 10 Second Ninja X
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- SuchArt
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- Tales
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- Terminus: Zombie Survivors
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- The Battle of Polytopia *DLC1. Cymanti Tribe *DLC2. ∑∫ỹriȱŋ Tribe *DLC3. Aquarion Tribe *DLC4. Polaris Tribe
- The Blackout Club
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- The Dark Pictures Anthology: House of Ashes
- THE DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: LITTLE HOPE
- The Darkest Tales
- The Dungeon Beneath
- The Dungeon of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet of Chaos
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- The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind® Game of the Year Edition
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- THE OUTER WORLDS: SPACER'S CHOICE EDITION
- THE PALE BEYOND
- The Quarry
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- The Ramp
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- The Rewinder
- The Sacred Tears TRUE
- The Sexy Brutale
- The Tarnishing of Juxtia
- The Tenants
- The Uncertain - The Last Quiet Day
- THE UNCERTAIN: LAST QUIET DAY
- The Uncertain: Light At The End
- The USB Stick Found in the Grass
- The Walking Dead
- The Walking Dead - 400 Days
- The Walking Dead Saints and Sinners
- The Walking Dead: A New Frontier
- The Walking Dead: Final Season
- The Walking Dead: Michonne - A Telltale Miniseries
- The Walking Dead: Saints & Sinners
- The Walking Dead: Season 1
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- The Way
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- They Bleed Pixels
- Thief of Thieves
- This War of Mine
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- Three Kingdom: The Journey
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- TINY TINA'S WONDERLANDS CHAOTIC GREAT EDITION
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- TYPECAST
- Tyrant's Blessing
- Ultimate Chicken Horse
- Ultimate Zombie Defense
- Ultra Space Battle Brawl
- Unavowed
- Undead Horde
- Unexplored 2: The Wayfarer's Legacy
- Unity of Command: Stalingrad Campaign
- Universim
- UNLOVED
- Unpacking
- Until I have you
- Unto The End
- Upside Down
- URU: Complete Chronicles
- Vagante
- Valfaris
- Valfaris: Mecha Therion
- Valkryia Chronicles 4 Complete Edition
- Valkyria Chronicles 4 Complete Edition
- Valkyria Chronicles 4: Complete Edition
- Vambrace: Cold Soul
- Vampire Survivors
- Vectronom
- Velocity Noodle
- Venba
- Verne: The Shape of Fantasy
- Victoria 3
- Victoria II
- Viking: Battle For Asgard
- Virgo Versus The Zodiac
- VirtuaVerse
- Visage
- Viscerafest
- Void Bastards
- VOIDIGO
- Volcanoids
- Voltage High Society
- V-Rally 4
- Wanderlust: Travel Stories (GOG)
- Wargroove
- Warhammer 40,000 Sanctus Reach - Complete Edition
- Warhammer 40,000: Armageddon - Imperium Complete
- Warhammer 40,000: Battlesector
- Warhammer 40,000: Gladius - Relics of War
- Warhammer 40,000: Mechanicus
- Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf Special Edition
- WARHAMMER AGE OF SIGMAR: REALMS OF RUIN – ULTIMATE EDITION
- Warhammer vermintide collector's edition
- Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide
- Warhammer: Vermintide 2
- Warman
- Wasteland 3
- Wayward
- WE NEED TO GO DEEPER
- We should talk.
- We Were Here Together
- We Were Here Too
- Webbed
- What Lies in the Multiverse
- When Ski Lifts Go Wrong
- while True: learn()
- Whos Your daddy
- Wick
- Will You Snail?
- Windward
- Witch It
- Witchy Life Story
- wizard of legends
- Wolfenstein 3D
- Worms Rumble
- WRC 6 FIA World Rally Championship
- WRC 7 FIA World Rally Championship
- WWE 2K Battlegrounds
- WWE 2K23
- WWZ Aftermath
- Wytchwood
- X-COM: COMPLETE PACK
- XCOM: ULTIMATE COLLECTION
- XIII - Classic
- X-Morph: Defense + European Assault, Survival of the Fittest, and Last Bastion DLC
- X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack
- Yakuza Kiwami
- Yakuza: Like A Dragon
- Yumeutsutsu Re:After
- Yumeutsutsu Re:Master
- Zen Chess: Mate in One, Mate in 2 , Mate in 3 , Mate in 4 , Champion's Moves (5 games)
- Ziggurat
- Zombie Army 4
- Zombie Army Trilogy
- Zool Redimensioned
- For The King: Lost Civilization Adventure Pack
- Train Simulator: Isle of Wight Route Add-On
- Train Simulator: Woodhead Electric Railway in Blue Route Add-On
- Train Simulator: North Somerset Railway Route Add-On
- Train Simulator: Union Pacific Heritage SD70ACes Loco Add-On
- Train Simulator: London to Brighton Route Add-On
- BR Class 170 'Turbostar' DMU Add-On
- DB BR 648 Loco Add-On
- Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
- Expansion - Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
- Expansion - Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
- Grand Central Class 180 'Adelante' DMU Add-On
- Peninsula Corridor: San Francisco - Gilroy Route Add-On
- SONIC ADVENTURE 2: BATTLE
- Small World - A Spider's Web
- Small World - Cursed
- Small World - Royal Bonus
- The Dungeon Of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet Of Chaos - Goodies Pack
- The Dungeon Of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet Of Chaos - OST
- Thompson Class B1 Loco Add-On
- Total War: Shogun 2 - Rise of the Samurai
- Train Sim World® 3: Birmingham Cross-city line
- Train Sim World®: BR Class 20 'Chopper' Loco
- Train Sim World®: Brighton Main Line: London Victoria - Brighton
- Train Sim World®: Caltrain MP36PH-3C 'Baby Bullet'
- Train Sim World®: Cathcart Circle Line: Glasgow - Newton & Neilston
- Train Sim World®: Clinchfield Railroad: Elkhorn - Dante
- Train Sim World®: Great Western Express
- Train Sim World®: Hauptstrecke Hamburg - Lubeck
- Train Sim World®: LIRR M3 EMU
- Train Sim World®: Long Island Rail Road: New York - Hicksville
- Train Sim World®: Nahverkehr Dresden - Riesa
- Train Sim World®: Northern Trans-Pennine: Manchester - Leeds
- Train Sim World®: Peninsula Corridor: San Francisco - San Jose
- Train Sim World®: Rhein-Ruhr Osten: Wuppertal - Hagen
- Train Sim World®: Tees Valley Line: Darlington - Saltburn-by-the-sea
- Worms Rumble - Armageddon Weapon Skin Pack
- Worms Rumble - Captain & Shark Double Pack
- Worms Rumble - Legends Pack
- Worms Rumble - New Challengers Pack
- Ashampoo Photo Optimizer 7
- Dagon: by H. P. Lovecraft - The Eldritch Box DLC
- Duke Nukem Forever Hail to the Icons
- Duke Nukem Forever The Doctor Who Cloned Me
- GRIP: Combat Racing - Cygon Garage Kit
- GRIP: Combat Racing - Nyvoss Garage Kit
- GRIP: Combat Racing - Terra Garage Kit
- GRIP: Combat Racing - Vintek Garage Kit
- GameGuru
- GameMaker Studio 2 Creator 12 Months
- Intro to Game Development with Unity
- Music Maker EDM Edition
- Neverwinter Nights: Darkness Over Daggerford
- Neverwinter Nights: Enhanced Edition Dark Dreams of Furiae
- Neverwinter Nights: Enhanced Edition Tyrants of the Moonsea
- Neverwinter Nights: Enhanced Edition
- Neverwinter Nights: Infinite Dungeons
- Neverwinter Nights: Pirates of the Sword Coast
- Neverwinter Nights: Wyvern Crown of Cormyr
- PDF-Suite 1 Year License
- Pathfinder Second Edition Core Rulebook and Starfinder Core Rulebook
- RPG Maker VX
- WWE 2K BATTLEGROUNDS - Ultimate Brawlers Pass
- We Are Alright
- The Outer Worlds Expansion Pass
- A Hat in Time - Seal the Deal DLC
- City Skylines:mass transit
- A Game Of Thrones - A Dance With Dragons
- A Game Of Thrones - A Feast For Crows
- Blood Rage: Digital Edition - Gods of Asgard
- Blood Rage: Digital Edition - Mythical Monsters
- Blood Rage: Digital Edition - Mystics of Midgard
- Carcassonne - The Princess and The Dragon DLC
- Carcassonne - Traders & Builders DLC
- Carcassonne - Winter & Gingerbread Man DLC
- Carcassonne - Inns & Cathedrals
- Carcassonne - The River
- Splendor: The Trading Posts DLC
- Splendor: The Strongholds DLC
- Splendor: The Cities DLC
- Small World - Be Not Afraid... DLC
- Small World - Grand Dames DLC
- Small World - Cursed!
- Sands of Salzaar - The Ember Saga
- Sands of Salzaar - The Tournament
- Monster Train: The Last Divinity DLC
- WARSAW
2024.05.16 18:44 calvin324hk [H] 1000+ Games / DLCs / VR Games [W] Paypal / Wishlist / Offers
https://www.reddit.com/IGSRep/comments/pikmri/calvin324hks_igs_rep_page/
https://www.reddit.com/sgsflaicomments/of2wzu/flair_profile_ucalvin324hk/
Wishlist
Region: NA (Canada)
Fees on buyer if any, currency is USD unless specified
CTRL + F to find your games in terms of name
DLCs and Softwares:
submitted by calvin324hk to SteamGameSwap [link] [comments]
https://www.reddit.com/sgsflaicomments/of2wzu/flair_profile_ucalvin324hk/
Wishlist
Region: NA (Canada)
Fees on buyer if any, currency is USD unless specified
CTRL + F to find your games in terms of name
- 10 Second Ninja X
- 11-11 Memories Retold
- 112 Operator
- 12 is Better Than 6
- 198X
- 1993 Space Machine
- 60 Parsecs
- 7 Billion Humans
- 8 DOORS
- 8-bit Adventure Anthology: Volume I
- 9 Years of Shadows
- 911 Operator
- A Game of Thrones: The Board Game
- A Hat in Time
- A Hole New World
- A JUGGLER'S TALE
- A Long Way Down
- A PLAGUE TALE: INNOCENCE
- A Robot Named Fight!
- A Tale for Anna
- A.I.M.2 Clan Wars
- Ace Combat Assault Horizon Enhanced Edition
- Adore
- Aeterna Noctis
- AETHERIS
- Agatha Christie Hercule Poirot The First Cases
- AIdol
- Airborne Kingdom
- Alba: A Wildlife Adventure
- Alder's Blood: Definitive Edition
- Alfred Hitchcock - Vertigo
- Alien Breed Trilogy
- Aliens vs. Predator™ Collection
- All-Star Fruit Racing
- Almost There: The Platformer
- American Fugitive
- American Truck Simulator
- Amerzone: The Explorer’s Legacy
- AMID EVIL
- Amnesia rebirth
- Amnesia: The Dark Descent + Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs
- Anomalous
- Another World – 20th Anniversary Edition
- Antigraviator
- Anuchard
- APICO
- APICO
- Aragami
- Aragami 2
- Arboria
- Arcade Paradise
- Arcade Paradise - Arcade Paradise EP
- Arcade Spirits
- Arkham Horror: Mother's Embrace
- Armada 2526 Gold Edition
- Army Men RTS
- army of ruin
- Arto
- Ary and the Secret of Seasons
- As Far as the Eye
- Ascension to the Throne
- Assemble With Care
- Assetto Corsa Competizione
- Assetto Corsa Ultimate Edition
- Astebreed Definitive Edition
- Astronarch
- Attack of the Earthlings
- Automachef
- Automobilista
- Automobilista 2
- AUTONAUTS
- AUTONAUTS VS PIRATEBOTS
- Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora™ - Ubisoft Connect
- AVICII Invector: Encore Edition
- Awesomenauts All Nauts pack
- Baba is you
- Back 4 Blood
- Back 4 blood (EU)
- Backbone
- Baldur's Gate II: Enhanced Edition
- Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition
- Banners of Ruin
- Bartlow's Dread Machine
- BASEMENT
- Batbarian: Testament of the Primordials
- Batman: Arkham Asylum Game of the Year Edition
- Batman: Arkham Origins
- Battle Royale Tycoon
- Battlecruisers
- Battlestar Galactica Deadlock
- BATTLESTAR GALACTICA DEADLOCK SEASON ONE
- Battlestar Galactica Deadlock: Complete
- BATTLETECH MERCENARY COLLECTION
- BATTLETECH Shadow Hawk Pack
- BEAUTIFUL DESOLATION
- BEFORE WE LEAVE
- Beholder 2
- Ben 10
- Ben 10: Power Trip
- Bendy and the Ink Machine™
- Between the Stars
- Beyond a Steel Sky
- Beyond The Edge Of Owlsgard
- Beyond the Long Night
- BEYOND THE WIRE
- Beyond: Two Souls
- BIOMUTANT
- Bionic Commando
- Bionic Commando Rearmed
- BioShock: The Collection
- BLACK BOOK
- Black Moon Chronicles
- Black Paradox
- BLACK SKYLANDS
- BLACKHOLE: Complete Edition
- Blacksad: Under the Skin
- Blade of Darkness
- Blasphemous
- Blazing Chrome
- Blightbound
- Blood And Zombies
- Blood Rage: Digital Edition
- Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
- Bomber Crew
- Boneless Zombie
- Boomerang Fu
- Borderlands 3
- Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe
- Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe Edition
- Borderlands: The Handsome Collection
- Bot Vice
- Bounty of One
- Brawlout
- Breakout: Recharged
- Breathedge
- bridge constructor
- Bridge constructor medieval
- bridge constructor stunts
- Broken Lines
- Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons
- Brutal Legend
- Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling
- BUILDER SIMULATOR
- calico
- Call of Duty® Modern Warfare 3™ (2011)
- Call of Juarez: Gunslinger
- Car Mechanic 2018
- Car Mechanic Simulator 2015
- Car Mechanic Simulator 2018
- Castle Morihisa
- Castle on the Coast
- castle storm
- CastleStorm
- Cat Cafe Manager
- Caveblazers
- Celeste
- Centipede: Recharged
- CHANGE: A Homeless Survival Experience
- Charlie's Adventure
- Chenso Club
- Chernobylite: Enhanced Edition
- Chess Ultra
- Chicago 1930 : The Prohibition
- Chivalry 2
- Chop Goblins
- Chorus
- Cities Skylines + After Dark
- Cities: Skylines
- City of Beats
- CivCity: Rome
- Click and Slay
- Cloud Gardens
- Cloudpunk
- Code Vein
- Coffee Talk
- Comedy Night
- Command & Conquer Remastered (Origin)
- Complete Dread X Collection
- Conarium
- Construction Simulator (2015) Deluxe Edition
- Constructor Plus
- Control
- Cook, Serve, Delicious! 3?!
- cornucopia
- Corridor Z
- Cosmic Osmo and the Worlds Beyond the Mackerel
- Cosmonautica
- Crash Drive 2
- Crash Drive 3
- Creaks
- Creepy Tale
- Crookz the big heist
- CROSSBOW: Bloodnight
- Crush Your Enemies
- Cube Runner
- Cultist Simulator: Anthology Edition
- Curse: The Eye of Isis
- Cyber Ops
- Cybercube
- Danger Scavenger
- Dark Deity
- DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: HOUSE OF ASHES
- Darksiders Warmastered
- Darkwood
- DARQ: Complete Edition
- Day of the Tentacle Remastered
- days of war definitive edition
- Dead by Daylight
- Dead Estate
- Dead Rising 2
- Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
- Death Stranding Directors Cut
- DEATH STRANDING DIRECTOR'S CUT
- Deceased
- DECEIVE INC.
- Degrees of Separation
- Delicious! Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire
- Deliver Us The Moon
- Demetrios - Deluxe Edition
- Depraved
- DESCENDERS
- DESOLATE
- Destiny 2: Beyond Light
- DESTROYER: THE U-BOAT HUNTER
- Detention
- Devil May Cry HD Collection
- Devilated
- Dicey Dungeons
- Dirt 5
- dirt rally
- Dirt Rally 2.0
- Disaster Band
- Disciples III: Reincarnation
- Discolored
- DISTRAINT 2
- Distrust
- DmC: Devil May Cry
- Do Not Feed the Monkeys
- Don't Be Afraid
- Doomed Lands
- Door Kickers: Action Squad
- Doorways: Prelude
- Downfall
- Dragons Dogma Dark Arisen
- Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen
- Draugen
- Draw Slasher
- Drawful 2
- Dreams in the Witch House
- Dreamscaper
- DreamWorks Dragons: Dawn of New Riders
- DRIFT21
- Driftland: The Magic Revival
- drive!drive!drive!
- Drone Swarm
- Due Process
- Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project
- Duke of Alpha Centauri
- Dungeon Rushers
- Dungeons 2
- Dungeons 3
- DUSK
- Dusk Diver
- Dust to the End
- DV: Rings of Saturn
- Dynopunk
- Earth Defense Force 4.1 The Shadow of New Despair
- Eastern Exorcist
- Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising
- El Matador
- Elderand
- ELDEST SOULS
- Electrician Simulator
- Elemental Survivors
- Elex
- Elex II
- Elite Dangerous
- Embr
- Empire: Total War - Definitive Edition
- Empyrion - Galactic Survival
- ENCASED: A SCI-FI POST-APOCALYPTIC RPG
- Endless Space 2
- Endless Space 2 - Digital Deluxe Edition
- Endless Space® 2 - Digital Deluxe Edition
- Endzone - A World Apart
- Epistory - Typing Chronicles
- Escape the backrooms
- Eternal Threads
- Europa Universalis IV
- European Ship Simulator
- Everdream Valley
- Evil Genius 2: World Domination
- Exorder
- EXPEDITIONS: ROME
- Expeditions: Viking
- Explosionade
- F1 2018
- F1 2019 Anniversary Edition
- F1 2020
- F1 RACE STARS Complete Edition Include DLC
- Fable Anniversary
- Factory Town
- Fallback uprising
- FALLOUT 1
- Family Mysteries 3: Criminal Mindset
- FANTASY BLACKSMITH
- FARMER'S DYNASTY
- Farming Simulator 17
- Farming Simulator 19
- Fictorum
- Field of Glory II
- Fights in Tight Spaces
- Filthy Animals Heist Simulator
- Firefighting Simulator - The Squad
- Fishing Adventure
- Flashback
- FLATLAND Vol.2
- FlatOut
- FLING TO THE FINISH
- Floppy Knights
- Fluffy Horde
- FOBIA - ST. DINFNA HOTEL
- For the King
- For The King: Lost Civilization Adventure Pack
- Forgive me Father
- Forts
- Fred3ric
- Fresh Start Cleaning Simulator
- Friends vs Friends
- Frogun
- From Space
- Frostpunk: Game of the Year Edition
- Frozenheim
- Fun with Ragdolls: The Game
- Funtasia
- Gamedec
- Gamedec - Definitive Edition
- Gang Beasts
- GARAGE bad trip
- Garden Story
- Garfield Kart
- GAS STATION SIMULATOR
- Gelly Break Deluxe
- Genesis Alpha One Deluxe Edition
- Gevaudan
- Ghostrunner
- Giana Sisters 2D
- GIGA WRECKER
- Gigantosaurus: Dino Kart
- Glitch Busters: Stuck On You
- Gloria Victis
- Go Home Dinosaurs
- GOAT OF DUTY
- GOD EATER 3
- Godlike Burger
- Godstrike
- Going Under
- Golf Gang
- Golf It!
- Gone Home + Original Soundtrack
- Good Knight
- Gotham Knights
- GREAK: MEMORIES OF AZUR
- GREEDFALL
- Gremlins, inc
- grey goo
- GRID - 2019
- grid ultimate
- GRIP: Combat Racing
- Gungrave G.O.R.E
- Guppy
- Guts and glory
- GYLT
- Hacknet
- Haegemonia: Legions of Iron
- Hamilton's Great Adventure
- Hammerwatch
- Hands of Necromancy
- Havsala: Into the Soul Palace
- Headsnatchers
- Heartwood Heroes
- Heat Signature
- Helheim Hassle
- Hell Let Loose
- Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice
- Hellbound
- Hellstuck: Rage With Your Friends
- Hero of the Kingdom III
- Hero of the Kingdom: The Lost Tales 2
- Heroes of Hammerwatch
- Heros hour
- Hexologic
- Hidden & Dangerous 2: Courage Under Fire
- Hidden & Dangerous: Action Pack
- Hidden Deep
- High On Life
- Hitman (2016) Game of the Year Edition
- HITMAN 2 - Gold Edition
- Hoa
- Hob
- Hollow Knight
- Holy Potatoes! A Spy Story?!
- Home Sweet Home
- Home Sweet Home EP2
- Homestead Arcana
- Hood: Outlaws & Legends
- Hoplegs
- Hot Tin Roof: The Cat That Wore A Fedora
- HOT WHEELS UNLEASHED ™
- Hotshot Racing
- House Flipper
- How to Survive 2
- Hue
- Human: Fall Flat
- HUMANKIND DEFINITIVE EDITION
- Hungry Flame
- Hyper Knights
- I am Bread
- I Am Fish
- I am not a Monster: First Contact
- I Hate Running Backwards
- ibb & obb Double Pack
- ICBM
- Ice Age Scrat's Nutty Adventure
- Ice Lakes
- Impostor Factory
- IN SOUND MIND
- Indivisible
- INDUSTRIA
- Infectonator 3: Apocalypse
- Infinite Beyond The Mind
- Injustice 2 Legendary Edition
- Insane 2
- INSOMNIA: The Ark
- Internet Cafe Simulator
- Internet Cafe Simulator 2
- Interstellar Space: Genesis
- Iron Fisticle
- Iron Harvest
- Ittle Dew
- Ittle Dew 2+
- Jack Move
- Jackbox party pack 2
- Jackbox party pack 5
- JANITOR BLEEDS
- Joint Task Force
- Jotun: Valhalla Edition
- Journey For Elysium
- Journey to the Savage Planet
- JUMANJI: The Video Game
- JumpJet Rex
- Jupiter Hell
- Jurassic Park: The Game
- Jurassic World Evolution
- Jurassic World Evolution 2
- JUST CAUSE 4: COMPLETE EDITION
- Just Die Already
- Kardboard Kings: Card Shop Simulator
- Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes
- Ken Follett's The Pillars of the Earth
- Kentucky Route Zero - Season Pass Edition
- Kerbal Space Program
- Killing Floor 2 Digital Deluxe Edition
- Killing Room
- Kingdom Two Crowns
- Kingdom: New Lands
- King's Bounty: Crossworlds
- Knights of Pen & Paper 2
- Knock-knock
- Koi-Koi Japan [Hanafuda playing cards] *Koi-Koi Japan : UKIYOE tours Vol.1 DLC *Koi-Koi Japan : UKIYOE tours Vol.2 DLC *Koi-Koi Japan : UKIYOE tours Vol.3 DLC
- Konung 2
- KungFu Kickball
- Labyrinthine
- Lair of the Clockwork God
- Laserlife
- LAST OASIS
- Lawn Mowing Simulator
- Layers of Fear: Masterpiece Edition
- Lead and Gold: Gangs of the Wild West
- Learn Japanese To Survive! Hiragana Battle
- Learn Japanese To Survive! Katakana War
- Learn Japanese to Survive! Trilogy
- Legend of Keepers
- LEGION TD 2 - MULTIPLAYER TOWER DEFENSE
- LEGION TD 2 - MULTIPLAYER TOWER DEFENSE.
- Leisure Suit Larry - Wet Dreams Don't Dry
- Leisure Suit Larry 1-7
- Lemnis Gate
- Lemon Cake
- lethal league blaze
- Let's School
- Levelhead
- Liberated (GOG)
- Life is Strange Complete Season (Episodes 1-5)
- Light Fairytale Episode 1
- Light Fairytale Episode 2
- LIGHTMATTER
- Little dragons cafe
- Little Hope
- Little Inner Monsters - Card Game
- Little Nightmares
- Little Nightmares Complete Edition
- Livelock
- Loop Hero
- Loot River
- Looterkings
- Lornsword Winter Chronicle
- Lost Castle
- Love Letter
- Lovecraft's Untold Stories
- Lovely planet arcade
- Lucius2
- Lucius3
- Ludus
- Lumberhill
- LunarLux
- Lust for Darkness
- Lust from Beyond: M Edition
- Mad Experiments: Escape Room
- Mad Max
- Mafia Definitive Edition
- Mafia: Definitive Edition
- Magenta Horizon
- Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle
- Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle : School Girls Edition
- Mail Time
- Maize
- Maneater
- Marooners
- MARSUPILAMI - HOOBADVENTURE
- Marvel's Avengers - The Definitive Edition
- Mato Anomalies
- Max Payne 3
- Mechs & Mercs: Black Talons
- Medieval II: Total War - Definitive Edition
- Medieval: Total War Collection
- MEEPLE STATION
- Men of War
- MERCHANT OF THE SKIES
- METAL HELLSINGER
- Metal Hellsinger
- Metro Exodus
- Metro last light
- Metro: Last Light Redux
- Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor GOTY
- Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor GOTY
- Middle-Earth: Shadow of War Definitive Edition
- MIDNIGHT PROTOCOL
- Mighty Switch Force! Collection
- MIND SCANNERS
- Ministry of Broadcast
- Minute of Islands
- Miscreated
- Mists of Noyah
- MKXL
- Mob Rule Classic
- Monaco
- Monster Hunter: Rise
- Monster Slayers - Complete Edition
- Monstrum
- Monstrum 2
- Moon Hunters
- Moons of Madness
- MORDHAU
- Mordheim: City of the Damned
- Mortal Kombat 11 Ultimate Edition
- MORTAL KOMBAT XL
- Mortal Shell
- Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
- Mr. Run and Jump
- Murder Mystery Machine
- My Big Sister
- My Friend Peppa Pig
- My Lovely Wife
- My Summer Adventure: Memories of Another Life
- My Time At Portia
- Mythforce
- N++ (NPLUSPLUS)
- Napoleon: Total War - Definitive Edition
- Narcos: Rise of the Cartels
- NARUTO TO BORUTO: SHINOBI STRIKER
- NECROMUNDA: HIRED GUN
- Necronator: Dead Wrong
- NecroVisioN: Lost Company
- NecroWorm
- Neighbours back From Hell
- Nelly Cootalot: Spoonbeaks Ahoy! HD
- Neon Space
- Neon Space 2
- Neon Sundown
- Nephise: Ascension
- Neurodeck : Psychological Deckbuilder
- Never Alone Arctic Collection (w/ Foxtales DLC and FREE Soundtrack)
- Neverinth
- Neverout
- Neverwinter Nights: Complete Adventures
- Newt One
- Nexomon: Extinction
- Nigate Tale
- Nine Parchments
- Nine Witches: Family Disruption
- No Straight Roads: Encore Edition
- No Time to Relax
- Nomad Survival
- Nongunz: Doppelganger Edition
- Noosphere
- Northgard
- Northmark: Hour of the Wolf
- Nostradamus: The Last Prophecy
- not the robots
- Nurse Love Addiction
- Nurse Love Syndrome
- Nusakana
- Obduction
- Obey Me
- Observer: System Redux
- Occultus - Mediterranean Cabal
- Odallus: The Dark Call
- Oddworld: New 'n' Tasty
- One Finger Death Punch 2
- One Hand Clapping
- One More Island
- One Step From Eden
- One Step From Eden (Region locked)
- Orbital Racer
- Organs Please
- OTXO
- Out of Reach: Treasure Royale
- Out of Space
- Overclocked: A History of Violence
- Overlord: Ultimate Evil Collection
- Overpass
- Overruled
- OZYMANDIAS: BRONZE AGE EMPIRE SIM
- Pac-Man Museum +
- Pan'Orama
- Panty Party
- Panzer Corps 2
- Papo & Yo
- PARADISE LOST
- Parkan 2
- PARTISANS 1941
- Passpartout 2: The Lost Artist
- Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous
- Patron
- Paw Patrol: On A Roll!
- Paws of Coal
- Payday 2
- PAYDAY 2
- Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
- PER ASPERA
- Perfect
- PGA 2K21
- PGA Tour 2K21
- Pharaonic
- Pixplode
- Pizza Connection 3
- Plague tale
- Planescape: Torment Enhanced Edition
- Planet Alcatraz
- PLANET ZOO
- PlateUp!
- Pogostuck: Rage With Your Friends
- Poker Pretty Girls Battle: Texas Hold'em
- Police Stories
- Poly Island
- Post Void
- Power Rangers: Battle for the Grid
- Prank Call
- Prehistoric Kingdom
- Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire
- Pretty Girls Panic!
- Prey
- Primal Carnage: Extinction
- Princess Kaguya: Legend of the Moon Warrior
- Pro Cycling Manager 2020
- Prodeus
- Project CARS - GOTY Edition
- Project Warlock
- Project Wingman (EU)
- PROJECT WINTER
- Propnight
- PULSAR: The Lost Colony
- qomp
- Quadrilateral Cowboy
- Quake II
- Quantum Break
- Quern - Undying Thoughts
- Radio Commander
- RAGE
- Rage in Peace
- RAILROAD CORPORATION
- Railroad Tycoon 3
- Railroad Tycoon II Platinum
- Railway Empire
- Rain World
- Rayon Riddles - Rise of the Goblin King
- Re: Legend
- REBEL COPS
- Rebel Galaxy
- Rebel Galaxy Outlaw
- Red Faction Guerrilla Re-Mars-tered
- Red Riding Hood - Star Crossed Lovers
- Red Ronin
- RED SOLSTICE 2: SURVIVORS
- Redout Complete Bundle
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2024.05.16 18:36 aminalzoubi [store] CACHE sets and Immortals for trade + Weathers
Most prices are negotiable
for those who like picture like me:2019, 2020, 2020pt2, 2021, dead_reck, 2022, 2022pt2, 2023 ,2024my steam account
add me so we can trade.need to be friends for 30 days. Steam rep
why trade with me ? i have a lot of giftables i want to sell and im not willing to risk my rep for a single trade. also check my steam profile for recent comments , those are people i traded cache sets with ,they all went first you can check their profile for my gifted items .
i always give discounts for people who buy 2 or more.
newest 2023 cache
| Item | Price |
|---|---|
| Snailfire (SnapFire) | 20$ |
| Brightfist (Marci) | 20$ |
| Dezun Viper (Dazzle) | 5$ |
| Primeval Abomination (Primal Beast) | 5$ |
| Astral Herald (Dawnbreaker) | 5$ |
| Spectral Shadow (Abaddon) | 5$ |
| Taur Rider (Alchemist) | 5$ |
| Crescent Huntress (Spectre) | 5$ |
| Tyrant of the Veil (Wraith King) | 5$ |
| Tomo'kan Footsoldier (Hoodwink) | 5$ |
| Darkwood Eulogy (Death Prophet) | 2.5$ |
| Sea Spirit (Kunkka) | 5$ |
| Triumph of the Imperatrix (Legion Commander) | 5$ |
| Beast of Thunder (Storm Spirit) | 5$ |
| Ancestral Heritage (Jakiro) | 2.5$ |
Dead Reckoning Chest
| item | price |
|---|---|
| Dead Heat (lina) | 10$ |
| Spectral Hunter (antimage) | 10$ |
| Dying Light (dawnbreaker) | 10$ |
| Expired Gun (sniper) | 10$ |
| Death Adder (medusa) | 10$ |
| Soul Serpent (viper) | 10$ |
| set name | hero | price |
|---|---|---|
| Shadowleaf Insurgent | hoodwink | 15$ |
| Chines of the Inquisitor | faceless void | 12$ |
| Spoils of the Shadowveil | Spectre | 10$ |
| Starlorn Adjudicator | dawnbreaker | 10$ |
| Trophies of the Hallowed Hunt | ursa | 5$ |
| Whippersnapper | snap fire | 7.5$ |
| Scarlet Subversion | riki | 10$ |
| Forgotten Station | terror blade | 5$ |
| Champion of the Fire Lotus | monkey king | 5$ |
| Hounds of Obsession | chen | 5$ |
| Crimson Dawn | pheonix | 4$ |
| Seadog's Stash | clockwerk | 4$ |
| Deathstitch Shaman | witch doctor | 4$ |
| Dirge Amplifier | undying | 4$ |
| Blue Horizons | marci | 15$ |
| Dark Behemoth | primal beast | 30$ |
| set name | hero | price |
|---|---|---|
| Freeboot Fortunes | ogre magi | 4$ |
| Darkbrew's Transgression | alchemist | 5$ |
| Acrimonies of Obsession | vengful spirit | 7$ |
| Withering Pain | clinkz | 4$ |
| Sacred Chamber Guardian | huskar | 5$ |
| Feasts of Forever | nightstalker | 5$ |
| The Wilding Tiger | brewmaster | 5$ |
| Dawn of a Darkness Foretold | doom | 5$ |
| War Rig Eradicators | techies | 5$ |
| Grand Suppressor | silencer | 7$ |
| Transcendent Path | oracle | 5$ |
| Cursed Cryptbreaker | pudge | 7$ |
| Bird of Prey | legion commander | 10$ |
| Darkfeather Factioneer | phantom assassin | 10$ |
| Grudges of the Gallows Tree | treant protector | 12$ |
| Brands of the Reaper | anti mage | 15$ |
| Sublime Equilibrium | void spirit | 30$ |
| set name | hero | price |
|---|---|---|
| Twilight Hex | dark willow | 20$ |
| Litany of the Damned | doom | 25$ |
| Astral Terminus | enigma | 20$ |
| Caerulean Star | enchantress | 15$ |
| Arcane Inverter | gyrocopter | 25$ |
| Creed of the Skullhound | lycan | 30$ |
| Desert Bloom | nature's prophet | 25$ |
| Eyriebound Imperator | skywrath mage | 20$ |
| Anthozoan Assault | tiny | 35$ |
| Defender of the Brumal Crest | winter wyvern | 25$ |
| Red Sands Marauder | shadow shaman | 35$ |
| set name | hero | price |
|---|---|---|
| Echoes of the Everblack | abaddon | 20 |
| The Arts of Mortal Deception | enigma | 10 |
| Adornments of the Jade Emissary | earth spirit | 25 |
| Poacher's Bane | tide | 15 |
| Appetites of the Lizard King | slark | 20 |
| Forbidden Medicine | dazzle | 15 |
| Curse of the Creeping Vine | undying | 15 |
| Priest of the Proudsilver Clan | chen | 10 |
| Soul of the Brightshroud | deathprophet | 10 |
| Pursuit of the Ember Demons | husker | 15 |
| Riddle of the Hierophant | oracle | 10 |
| Paean of the Ink Dragon | grimstroke | 10 |
| Allure of the Faeshade Flower | dark willow | 20 |
| Glimmer of the Sacred Hunt | drow ranger | 30 |
| Defender of Ruin | disruptor | 15 |
| gothic whisper | phantom assassin | 69 |
Aghanim's 2021 Collector's Cache
| item name | hero | price |
|---|---|---|
| Silverwurm Sacrifice | dragon knight | 30$ |
| Scales Of The Shadow Walker | phantom lancer | 10$ |
| Perception of the First Light | dawnbreaker | 10$ |
| Apex Automated | clockwerk | 10$ |
| Test of the basilisk lord | Razor | 15$ |
| Secrets of the frost singularity | Ancient Apparition | 5$ |
| Perils of the red banks | Chen | 5$ |
| The chained scribe | Grimstroke | 5$ |
| Widow of the undermount gloom | Broodmother | 10$ |
| Forgotten fate | Mars | 5$ |
| March of the crackerjack mage | Rubick | 10$ |
| Stranger in the wandering isles | Drow Ranger | 35$ |
| Cosmic concoctioneers | Alchemist | 10$ |
| Days of the demons | Axe | 25$ |
| Blightfall | Abaddon | 10$ |
| Pyrexae polymorph perfected | ogre magi | 15$ |
| Wrath of the celestial sentinel | Chaos Knight | 50$ |
| set name | hero | price |
|---|---|---|
| Creeping Shadow | phantom assassin | around 90 |
| Stormwrought Arbiter | sven | around 90 |
| Submerged Hazard | tinker | around 90 |
| Manta Marauder | bat rider | around 90 |
Weathers. buy 3 and get 4th for free
the lowest of them is the free oneweathers can be traded now!!
| weather | price |
|---|---|
| Ash | |
| Aurora | 2$ |
| Harvest | |
| Moonbeam | |
| Pestilence | |
| Rain | |
| Sirocco | |
| Spring | 2$ |
| Snow |
2024.05.16 18:05 Awkward_Finish_9641 CHESS
You already know I can kill you in one move, that's why I'm king and do it myself. Not that you gave me a choice to be king when you put me in a live audience. Not like the others that have to move around from where they start to get to you. Knonivore should have taught you that. I'll tell you the rest when I figure out why my horses are on Shogon.👻🦌♟️ Not that a stolen hand doesn't reveal the origins of my arsenal that lead to the Games appearance. My father says not to worry about in this lifetime, otherwise my would have been Johnathan🦊♟️ But my Mother says if that's the case, how did it cross over to our dimension? It's probably that stolen heart beat by from someone that crossed over from a stolen organ who intended on harming king and queen.☯️🔥 Not that Sherlock and Shazam don't share something similar, too bad it's the way my lower half investigates on BBC while I wait patiently on the grass in Brazil👽 Experiment 626 says you waste our time not producing the Fruit Aladdin promised, too bad the waters all dried up in Aladdins mind when the world forgets pray to Aladdin and not God. Not that Gos couldn't hear you with that knife in your back in that place you were getting paid for sex, it's just not cool when Moses loses his staff to Shazam. Not that the staff belonged to you anyway. That staff you see that man and the others carrying including that woman in Shazam's film along with Black Adam all belong to me. That's why false God's die Young as I promised you as it appearedin the Second Film, Shazam A god amoung us should reveal the footage now.. That's why I'm waiting this one out without as I said I would, in kings positions with John Snow, not that I'm done tech him how to take your measurements as well, along with those intent on collecting the bounty on him who continie to play him as if he could be Joker Enough to fight you naked🖕 Like the Wolf and I had to on Wall Street naked, hoping for an Eazy A and always ending up with a Leap Year. Not that I respect stone beneath my foot in American X or grass would be eternally mine, that's why you failed this city.👻☯️ I think I'll add the name Oliver to my collection, not that Stephen Amell ever got the full meaning of who I am when he showed up to stick it in my ass as a kid. Too bad Mothers don't forget when they show up dismembered on Jerry Springer while their heirs wait on submarines being forced to take water or give blood. Don't worry. I'm sure the missiles you send to hide the truth will work this time for sure, like they did in Colorado near my building. I'm sure that Red Neck Audience enjoyed laughing at my mother. Too bad I DEATH says he feels cheated that he couldn't get that drink with Shazam. Now he has to talk to a dragon about this Reborn program Alan keeps talking about alone. So long as it leads to more grass than stone, we're making it our objective in Africa now that the Pyramid wax has been updated. Not everyone can be Reborn Amazing. Otherwise, there'd be looking like the way we do on hulu, forced to take Dick when Robin and Batman make a deal with the Joker. Too bad if Elsa's hair gets cut then you all die cutted and wait it out as a corpse like I had to. That's price you pay when you fool God into a relationship with the government. Your compass divides you equally if you North and South a break from this Pole we're told to dance from in Russia. Not that you make it look easy to Spin the World when the Blood of Shazam in Bruce Almighty. Too bad it's temporary when where I'm standing. Once I figure out what medicine you're giving Aladdin it's over. See you at Worlds End 2030 fuckers. ☯️♟️ Those idiots you brought back in Avengers go back to Sand as they didn't want to be Reborn or feel Amazing I promised them. You fall fall the same to Lobo, Anubis, and Aladdin, because if their going down to Walt Disney, you are too. Shazam's Order as promised all the same to Magneto ♟️☯️ Too bad you rather die as sand than follow Shazam's Divine plan for your World Government, not that you can't deal with it but it look like you rather life in fear than to tell your bloodline the truth. That's the wolf and I deal with you on Gears of War, never Campaign only horde mode until we survive the last wave in pairs of 2, like we told all those creatures that went on ti Noah's Ark. 300 years to wait for someone isn't back when Alan cums quietly in the middle of the night to Pornhub to any Elf able to get blood from Aladdin as Santa requested. I learned not to sing, too many people die with a Dick down their thought when they think what Aladdin gives away fruit for free. Too bad Magic always comes with a price. That's what makes your magic weak. Too bad Person of interest only has one soul I'm interested in saving, the rest can wait this out while I take your measurements. Not that if ever required tape or a knife to get done so be careful when you end messing with God's only child and deal with both your tools shoved up your as like Will Smith had to learn in Hancock.🖕♟️🐺☯️🦌 Now I have to fight you the same way I did all these people, from bed wishing I lay naked. Too bad there's not much left of me to enjoy according to the people in Chelsea Philippines bloodline, in fact they say I'm all dried up like Aladdin's bloodline for thinking they could walk freely could giving us a taste of their taste Treat. Too bad my Mother knew better and told me to give Aladdin for the death of my Dragon you call Shendu and my Night Furry, not that she knows what it takes you make a God cry. That's what the Psychology office at Google is for, to make Aladdin's pain last for an Eternity for thinking we could deal with a Shapeshifter calling himself Anubis and not giving us his tastey treat despite how much pressure we out on Muslims on TV, but no he still won't tell us his fucking kids name, now we have to take who ever these Muslims are to Processing because whatever a hand held computer is meant more to Alan than his sibling. Too bad you all had to crack black and call it fake news. 🍣♟️ Not that your burger ever tasted good to me, apparently that's what Processing is, so be careful Aladdin♓ That's why all my heirs make their weapons from sand, so we can still get in touch with the dead, not that Hugh Jackman is making it far after our father trained us to play with paint.👻❄️🔥 I would bother ever going in front of a camera I didn't bless a photo with, too many Fringe level murders who those that don't learn English, that's why I had to learn Spanish too.☯️🖕 Too bad I don't trust the city as it doesn't stop breaking down Wood to make Real Steal to Walk Tall. Too bad the Chalk Board doesn't last when Anubis and Aladdij make a deal when they observe the people that pass though an Easy A while wearing Scrubs. You need hands to get things done, unfortunately you keep trying to give mine a job in Sex on the City. Too bad for you Catia Denny's Order was to leave you broke and penny less like the cast from the Big Bang Theory, not that we warned you that you wouldn't survive in Tangled. 🖕♟️☯️👻 So you shave your beard to say you die cut in half? And you shave your pussy to say your heir died? But if you shave your butthole that means someone pulled put your intestines? I knew poenhub had such a story.🦌 I much rather all learn to break bome than to let them touch your hair. Not that you'll appreciate why if you don't win. Not that Knonivore can afford you all to suffer and not be Reborn.☯️
submitted by Awkward_Finish_9641 to u/Awkward_Finish_9641 [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 18:05 hellokittycupcakes HELP PLZ
I am a mom who has lost herself and is slowly starting to find herself again. Like most mamas, I put everything into my child and kinda neglected self care. I’ve started my skincare again, eating better, moving more, and doing my hair (no more messy bun😅).
I feel like a change to my hair would really spike my confidence like it has in the past. It’s been black(box dye-2 applications) for almost 2 years, and underneath of it is a semi permanent red hair dye. I was bleach blonde before the red and black. I shouldn’t have done the red or black because i know it’s gonna be hard to lift. But I really want to lighten my hair to like a light ash brown, maybe light caramel??? Eventually blonde. I figured I’d start out with highlights and gradually lighten to minimize damage.
My hair is relatively healthy. I keep up on my haircare and trims. Any tips on how to go about this? Any product recommendations? I can NOT go to a salon, I am a SAHM and I can’t afford to pay someone. I would if I could. I want to feel beautiful again & if that means i have to do it myself, so be it. I have curly hair if that makes any difference & my hair has faded to brown black & not dyed since October 2022.
submitted by hellokittycupcakes to Hair [link] [comments]
I feel like a change to my hair would really spike my confidence like it has in the past. It’s been black(box dye-2 applications) for almost 2 years, and underneath of it is a semi permanent red hair dye. I was bleach blonde before the red and black. I shouldn’t have done the red or black because i know it’s gonna be hard to lift. But I really want to lighten my hair to like a light ash brown, maybe light caramel??? Eventually blonde. I figured I’d start out with highlights and gradually lighten to minimize damage.
My hair is relatively healthy. I keep up on my haircare and trims. Any tips on how to go about this? Any product recommendations? I can NOT go to a salon, I am a SAHM and I can’t afford to pay someone. I would if I could. I want to feel beautiful again & if that means i have to do it myself, so be it. I have curly hair if that makes any difference & my hair has faded to brown black & not dyed since October 2022.
2024.05.16 18:02 WestsideTy As Many Niche as Possible
Hi Everyone! I posted this on Colognes but figured I’d share here, too.
I’ve always loved good smelling stuff and for the last 15 years I’ve usually had one bottle of cologne, and would replace once it’s out. Only in the last few months have I really delved into this world and began filling out a modest collection. I’m definitely not an expert (so take my reviews with a big grain of salt) but I love smelling and writing so here ya go. (Fucking wall of text incoming lmao, I didn’t realize how lengthy this got)
I just got back from a three-hour mall trip to try and get my nose on as many niche fragrances as my senses would tolerate. I had already done a good bit of research so I had some picked out to try and others already crossed-off. Im a 30M for reference.
I also had the goal in mind to find a contender for a fall/winter scent that exudes class, sophistication and decadence. For that, I’ve already tried a few that I really enjoy, and kind of used these as a springboard to continue exploring:
Xerjoff Alexandria II- This is what I envision royalty wearing. Lavender and rosewood mix soooo nice in the open, and dries into a lovey rose/vanilla/essence of oud. The oud is really toned down here for those that dislike it. It’s kind of hard to pick out. Nuclear performance.
Initio Oud for Greatness- Another good starter oud, you could say (this was my introduction to oud). It lasts forever and the dry down is seriously heavenly. The wet, soily oud is at the forefront for 2-4 hours, but I’m absolutely in love with what’s left when it disappears. Lavender, saffron, nutmeg and musk mixes into the best dryer-sheet-like scent I’ve come across (what it reminds ME of at least).
Perfums de Marly Haltane- Quite similar in the opening to Oud for Greatness. Haltane is darker, though, where I get more leathesmoke. I think the oud in this is more subdued, or at least less moist smelling. It blends well and lasts a good while.
Initio Atomic Rose- Holy shit. Apparently rose gets my motor GOING. I tried a lot of rose-centric fragrances today, but this probably still takes the cake for its balance and strength, in addition to the scent itself being just gorgeous.
So with those in mind I was off to Neiman Marcus. I sampled a large amount more than what I’ve written, but stuck to the ones that were memorable; good or bad.
Frederic Malle - Portrait of a Lady- My favorite of the Frederic Malle. Sensual rose/clove/currant at the front, but it is kind of hard to pick out specific notes on this one. After looking, I can get the cinnamon in the background of the dry down, it blends perfectly with the sandalwood, rose and benzoin after drying down. - Carnal Flower- Some similarity to POAL, lots of tuberose and jasmine, which I personally like. A bright yet sensual floral, and you get some coconut and melon there, too. I typically dislike coconut but this is blended masterfully. - Lipstick Rose- Yeah, that’s what it smells like. Try this if you’ve seen people describe scents as lipstick-y or violet taking on that accord. Not my cup of tea, also leans more feminine to my nose than the other two. - Musc Ravageur- I really wanted to like this one. And for a split second I did! A clove-y vanilla sasparilla is what I first got, and it unfortunately turned into barnyard urine. I immediately remembered seeing some reviews stating this, and I couldn’t get my nose to move past it. I can tell there’s good stuff there, but not for me.
Amouage - Reflection- The only one I’d tried before, and remains one of my favs. Rosemary and pink pepper greet you with a deep, fresh spice. The vetiver and patchouli sit nicely at the bottom, and the combination of white florals mixes wonderfully. Another scent I could imagine on royalty, and seems pretty versatile, too. You could wear this year-round without feeling out of place. Insane staying power. - Lyric- Probably my favorite, but I need to smell again on another day. Compared to the other Amouage, I had to continually stick my nose in the coffe beans to pick up the scent from the test strip. When I did get it, it was a lovely light, fresh scent. Quite a departure from the other Amouage I’ve tried, but great. No surprise, the list of notes are some of my favorites: lime, bergamot, rose, orange blossom, saffron, nutmeg, musk, pine, vanilla, incense, sandalwood. Seriously, love each and all those individually and they come together beautifully. - Interlude- Another good one. Dark, mysterious. Definitely get the oregano/peppepatchouli/incense bomb off the top. Leather lurking behind. I typically don’t gravitate toward the leathery scents but this one’s good. - Enclave- This pretty much seals the deal for me that on me, mint just ain’t it. I liked Sedley at first, but the mint somehow gets too cloying to my nose after too long. I can tell I would get the same from the peppermint in the opening of Enclave. I almost liked this one, too. If you can even tolerate peppermint, you’ll enjoy this one.
Mind Games - Blockade- Wowww. First sniff love, here. Explosion of citrus, juicy fruit-y sex. I usually find myself staying away from citrus-forward scents but this shit is next level. This will be a contender for my next upscale summer buy. - Double Attack- Another love at first sniff. It’s familiar, though. Chocolate/orange/cinnamon/vanilla. You’ll want to eat it right up. I already have this box checked in my collection, but may come back to it in the future. - Checkmate- Another lovely scent. Champagne, red currant, rose, magnolia, little patchouli. It all comes together really nicely, and it was difficult for me to pick out specific notes before looking. Not a love, but I was really impressed with the quality and scent profile of the Mind Games I tried.
Clive Christian - Town & Country- Wow. No seriously, like fucking wow. Smells like an Italian fruit cart strolling through an English manor’s sprawling garden road. I look at the notes and I don’t understand how you get this smell supposedly out of Clary Sage, Ambergris, and Sandalwood. Like, what? This is high quality shit. I get some pear or grapes there, too. Try this. - Crab Apple Blossom- Yum yum yum this is goooood. Smells like it sounds. Bergamot, apple blossom and rhubarb dance around playfully together. Can’t help but have a big stupid smile on your face when you smell this. The more it dried down, the more it might be my favorite over Town & Country. - Matsukita- Another great scent. In the same vein as the other two since they are part of the same “Crown Collection.” You get some smokiness, here. Bergamot with nutmeg and mate give depth and a little mystery. White florals, woody ambers and musk at the base. Just quality stuff here. All three of these in the Crown Collection were available in 10ml travel size gift pack for $300. Good idea to put on my wish list. That shit is kiiiinda expensive.
Xerjoff - Erba Pura- I did not expect to like this as much as I did! Favorite that I sampled. Perfect combination of citrus and fruitiness off the top, layered over a bed of sweet musk. Something here is very familiar to my nose but I couldn’t place it. This will be another top contender for a future upscale summer purchase. - Accento- Soothing scent. Fruity white floral (usually dumb reach for me), and the iris gives it some powder but not overpowering. Not as feminine-leaning as I would have expected. - Iommi- Delicious! Sweet smoky rum off the top, and it’s a little surprising how forward the patchouli and leather is in this. It’s bordering on being a little overpowering, but it tames a bit on the dry down. I’d need to see how this goes on my skin, for sure. - Torino 21- Another one that I liked way more than expected. I’m going back and seeing mint listed as a top note here…I didn’t get that! And thank God since mint usually is a non-starter. Kind of an aquatic green to my nose. Again, just a lovely scent. - Naxos- Yeah ok this is good shit. I was expecting a sweet bomb, but this is definitely more restrained than what a lot of reviewers will have you believe. I’m a sucker for lavender and bergamot. Throw in honey and jasmine atop a bed of tobacco, vanilla and tonka bean? Yes please. - Erba Gold- Pretty good. To my nose more feminine than Erba Pura, likely due to the extra fruits in the middle. That combination of citruses, pear and melon is reminiscent of particular ladies’ scents.
Louis Vuitton - L’Immensité- Ohhhh yeahh. Relaxation in a bottle. My favorite besides maybe Fleur du Desert. This, Imagination and Météore all kind of dance to the same song, so to speak. More than one of these would be redundant, in my opinion. The quality speaks through each of these fragrances, though- really nice stuff. - Imagination- The name fits, as a lot of the notes here are almost fleeting like a word on the tip of your tongue. It’s a great, calming scent but it didn’t blow me away. Like I said, L’Immensité was the best of these and I don’t see the need to diversify within this collection. - Météore- Compared to L’Immensité, there’s a little more sweetness here. This leans closer to a shower gel-like scent in my opinion. Still great. - Fleur du Désert- This one started out reallly good. Honey and cinnamon into rose and orange blossom is an intriguing, sensual combination. Unfortunately, smelling it on my arm after a couple hours, the jasmine and honey turn into something my mind recognizes as an old lady scent. The POAL on my hand, by comparison, keeps mixing with my skin in a great pheromonic way. - Ombre Nomad- Disappointed with this one. I’m realizing I don’t gravitate toward darker scents like heavy oud, leather, incense. I can tell it’s put together really well and uses quality materials, but this isn’t one that was made for me.
All in all, my main take-aways include: Xerjoff scents living up to the name. I was definitely impressed with their offerings, and would have expected it to lean closer to overrated. Same with Mind Games. Really enjoyed everything I sampled from them, even if it wasn’t my cup of tea, I was impressed with the quality. Also, I need to get back and sample the rest of the Clive Christian house. I was absolutely blown away with what I tried.
A little bonus: I tried TF Noir de Noir, Extreme Noir, and Cafe Rose. Extreme Noir is excellent. A regal mix of saffron, nutmeg and cardamom on top of rose and white florals. Ahhhh, again, similar to what I imagine a king or king to smell like.
Cafe Rose is probably the second best rose-centric scent to my nose besides Atomic Rose. I’ll need to put those side by side.
Anyway, feel free to ask away if you’d like. I was bored and inspired so killed some time writing this out :)
submitted by WestsideTy to fragrance [link] [comments]
I’ve always loved good smelling stuff and for the last 15 years I’ve usually had one bottle of cologne, and would replace once it’s out. Only in the last few months have I really delved into this world and began filling out a modest collection. I’m definitely not an expert (so take my reviews with a big grain of salt) but I love smelling and writing so here ya go. (Fucking wall of text incoming lmao, I didn’t realize how lengthy this got)
I just got back from a three-hour mall trip to try and get my nose on as many niche fragrances as my senses would tolerate. I had already done a good bit of research so I had some picked out to try and others already crossed-off. Im a 30M for reference.
I also had the goal in mind to find a contender for a fall/winter scent that exudes class, sophistication and decadence. For that, I’ve already tried a few that I really enjoy, and kind of used these as a springboard to continue exploring:
Xerjoff Alexandria II- This is what I envision royalty wearing. Lavender and rosewood mix soooo nice in the open, and dries into a lovey rose/vanilla/essence of oud. The oud is really toned down here for those that dislike it. It’s kind of hard to pick out. Nuclear performance.
Initio Oud for Greatness- Another good starter oud, you could say (this was my introduction to oud). It lasts forever and the dry down is seriously heavenly. The wet, soily oud is at the forefront for 2-4 hours, but I’m absolutely in love with what’s left when it disappears. Lavender, saffron, nutmeg and musk mixes into the best dryer-sheet-like scent I’ve come across (what it reminds ME of at least).
Perfums de Marly Haltane- Quite similar in the opening to Oud for Greatness. Haltane is darker, though, where I get more leathesmoke. I think the oud in this is more subdued, or at least less moist smelling. It blends well and lasts a good while.
Initio Atomic Rose- Holy shit. Apparently rose gets my motor GOING. I tried a lot of rose-centric fragrances today, but this probably still takes the cake for its balance and strength, in addition to the scent itself being just gorgeous.
So with those in mind I was off to Neiman Marcus. I sampled a large amount more than what I’ve written, but stuck to the ones that were memorable; good or bad.
Frederic Malle - Portrait of a Lady- My favorite of the Frederic Malle. Sensual rose/clove/currant at the front, but it is kind of hard to pick out specific notes on this one. After looking, I can get the cinnamon in the background of the dry down, it blends perfectly with the sandalwood, rose and benzoin after drying down. - Carnal Flower- Some similarity to POAL, lots of tuberose and jasmine, which I personally like. A bright yet sensual floral, and you get some coconut and melon there, too. I typically dislike coconut but this is blended masterfully. - Lipstick Rose- Yeah, that’s what it smells like. Try this if you’ve seen people describe scents as lipstick-y or violet taking on that accord. Not my cup of tea, also leans more feminine to my nose than the other two. - Musc Ravageur- I really wanted to like this one. And for a split second I did! A clove-y vanilla sasparilla is what I first got, and it unfortunately turned into barnyard urine. I immediately remembered seeing some reviews stating this, and I couldn’t get my nose to move past it. I can tell there’s good stuff there, but not for me.
Amouage - Reflection- The only one I’d tried before, and remains one of my favs. Rosemary and pink pepper greet you with a deep, fresh spice. The vetiver and patchouli sit nicely at the bottom, and the combination of white florals mixes wonderfully. Another scent I could imagine on royalty, and seems pretty versatile, too. You could wear this year-round without feeling out of place. Insane staying power. - Lyric- Probably my favorite, but I need to smell again on another day. Compared to the other Amouage, I had to continually stick my nose in the coffe beans to pick up the scent from the test strip. When I did get it, it was a lovely light, fresh scent. Quite a departure from the other Amouage I’ve tried, but great. No surprise, the list of notes are some of my favorites: lime, bergamot, rose, orange blossom, saffron, nutmeg, musk, pine, vanilla, incense, sandalwood. Seriously, love each and all those individually and they come together beautifully. - Interlude- Another good one. Dark, mysterious. Definitely get the oregano/peppepatchouli/incense bomb off the top. Leather lurking behind. I typically don’t gravitate toward the leathery scents but this one’s good. - Enclave- This pretty much seals the deal for me that on me, mint just ain’t it. I liked Sedley at first, but the mint somehow gets too cloying to my nose after too long. I can tell I would get the same from the peppermint in the opening of Enclave. I almost liked this one, too. If you can even tolerate peppermint, you’ll enjoy this one.
Mind Games - Blockade- Wowww. First sniff love, here. Explosion of citrus, juicy fruit-y sex. I usually find myself staying away from citrus-forward scents but this shit is next level. This will be a contender for my next upscale summer buy. - Double Attack- Another love at first sniff. It’s familiar, though. Chocolate/orange/cinnamon/vanilla. You’ll want to eat it right up. I already have this box checked in my collection, but may come back to it in the future. - Checkmate- Another lovely scent. Champagne, red currant, rose, magnolia, little patchouli. It all comes together really nicely, and it was difficult for me to pick out specific notes before looking. Not a love, but I was really impressed with the quality and scent profile of the Mind Games I tried.
Clive Christian - Town & Country- Wow. No seriously, like fucking wow. Smells like an Italian fruit cart strolling through an English manor’s sprawling garden road. I look at the notes and I don’t understand how you get this smell supposedly out of Clary Sage, Ambergris, and Sandalwood. Like, what? This is high quality shit. I get some pear or grapes there, too. Try this. - Crab Apple Blossom- Yum yum yum this is goooood. Smells like it sounds. Bergamot, apple blossom and rhubarb dance around playfully together. Can’t help but have a big stupid smile on your face when you smell this. The more it dried down, the more it might be my favorite over Town & Country. - Matsukita- Another great scent. In the same vein as the other two since they are part of the same “Crown Collection.” You get some smokiness, here. Bergamot with nutmeg and mate give depth and a little mystery. White florals, woody ambers and musk at the base. Just quality stuff here. All three of these in the Crown Collection were available in 10ml travel size gift pack for $300. Good idea to put on my wish list. That shit is kiiiinda expensive.
Xerjoff - Erba Pura- I did not expect to like this as much as I did! Favorite that I sampled. Perfect combination of citrus and fruitiness off the top, layered over a bed of sweet musk. Something here is very familiar to my nose but I couldn’t place it. This will be another top contender for a future upscale summer purchase. - Accento- Soothing scent. Fruity white floral (usually dumb reach for me), and the iris gives it some powder but not overpowering. Not as feminine-leaning as I would have expected. - Iommi- Delicious! Sweet smoky rum off the top, and it’s a little surprising how forward the patchouli and leather is in this. It’s bordering on being a little overpowering, but it tames a bit on the dry down. I’d need to see how this goes on my skin, for sure. - Torino 21- Another one that I liked way more than expected. I’m going back and seeing mint listed as a top note here…I didn’t get that! And thank God since mint usually is a non-starter. Kind of an aquatic green to my nose. Again, just a lovely scent. - Naxos- Yeah ok this is good shit. I was expecting a sweet bomb, but this is definitely more restrained than what a lot of reviewers will have you believe. I’m a sucker for lavender and bergamot. Throw in honey and jasmine atop a bed of tobacco, vanilla and tonka bean? Yes please. - Erba Gold- Pretty good. To my nose more feminine than Erba Pura, likely due to the extra fruits in the middle. That combination of citruses, pear and melon is reminiscent of particular ladies’ scents.
Louis Vuitton - L’Immensité- Ohhhh yeahh. Relaxation in a bottle. My favorite besides maybe Fleur du Desert. This, Imagination and Météore all kind of dance to the same song, so to speak. More than one of these would be redundant, in my opinion. The quality speaks through each of these fragrances, though- really nice stuff. - Imagination- The name fits, as a lot of the notes here are almost fleeting like a word on the tip of your tongue. It’s a great, calming scent but it didn’t blow me away. Like I said, L’Immensité was the best of these and I don’t see the need to diversify within this collection. - Météore- Compared to L’Immensité, there’s a little more sweetness here. This leans closer to a shower gel-like scent in my opinion. Still great. - Fleur du Désert- This one started out reallly good. Honey and cinnamon into rose and orange blossom is an intriguing, sensual combination. Unfortunately, smelling it on my arm after a couple hours, the jasmine and honey turn into something my mind recognizes as an old lady scent. The POAL on my hand, by comparison, keeps mixing with my skin in a great pheromonic way. - Ombre Nomad- Disappointed with this one. I’m realizing I don’t gravitate toward darker scents like heavy oud, leather, incense. I can tell it’s put together really well and uses quality materials, but this isn’t one that was made for me.
All in all, my main take-aways include: Xerjoff scents living up to the name. I was definitely impressed with their offerings, and would have expected it to lean closer to overrated. Same with Mind Games. Really enjoyed everything I sampled from them, even if it wasn’t my cup of tea, I was impressed with the quality. Also, I need to get back and sample the rest of the Clive Christian house. I was absolutely blown away with what I tried.
A little bonus: I tried TF Noir de Noir, Extreme Noir, and Cafe Rose. Extreme Noir is excellent. A regal mix of saffron, nutmeg and cardamom on top of rose and white florals. Ahhhh, again, similar to what I imagine a king or king to smell like.
Cafe Rose is probably the second best rose-centric scent to my nose besides Atomic Rose. I’ll need to put those side by side.
Anyway, feel free to ask away if you’d like. I was bored and inspired so killed some time writing this out :)
2024.05.16 17:03 ConsistentTune4406 My brother stole my clothes and vibrators years ago; I still resent my parents for putting the blame on me.
So, growing up I was the oldest child and had a brother who was 4 years younger than me. I grew up in a strict Catholic household, but my parents grew a bit more open minded once I was in high school and college. My mother specifically is pretty open minded about most things these days, but my Dad still lives a bit in the dark ages.
When I was in middle school, I started to notice that I would occasionally go to look for something in my closet and couldn't find it. I would mention it to my Mom, who did my laundry, and most often she would say she didn't have it. Almost always, the piece of clothing would mysteriously appear in either the laundry or my closet days later. My parents told me I just owned too many clothes and my closets/drawers were simply too full, and that's why I lost these items.
In high school, this continued with more frequency, and I started to notice that it was always very particular items of clothing- plaid mini skirts, knee high socks, heeled boots, and sometimes, even underwear. I have several vivid memories of going to pull underwear out of my dresser and seeing that it had obvious stains or spots on them- that they were not clean and had definitely been used, but not by me. I also noticed that sometimes the items would be put in the closet in the wrong spots (I had everything organized a particular way) or they were hung up on hangers oddly. I started to think my brother was the one stealing my clothes, because it couldn't be anyone else in the house. I figured he was doing it just to mess with me, so I started confronting him about it- always in front of my parents and most often at dinner. Immediately my brother would yell and say there's no way he would do that, and my Dad would jump right to his aide and defend my brother. How dare I accuse him? It's not his fault that I'm messy/own too many clothes to keep track of. In private, my Mom would say that she couldn't think of another explanation, but that she didn't believe my brother was doing it and I shouldn't bring it up at family dinners anymore. I was getting increasingly frustrated as this was going on for YEARS. Eventually, I started doing my own laundry, and locking my bedroom door when I wasn't home. Even then, the same thing would happen occasionally. I knew in my heart it was my brother but it didn't matter, because any time I brought it up I was the one blamed for causing a fight. I even confronted my brother privately a few times, but he never admitted to anything.
Well, one day when I was in my Senior or Grad year of college- I was probably around 22 at the time- I wanted some alone time while the house was empty and I go to get my vibrator out of the bottom drawer of my nightstand, except... it wasn't there. I looked everywhere, even dumping out the drawer completely just to make sure it wasn't. My mom knew I had one, so the first thing I did was call her and ask if she knew what had happened to it. She didn't. So, I went into my brother's room and started searching. There, shoved into the corner of his closet under a bunch of random stuff, was a stash- complete with multiple of my items of clothing, shoes, handfuls of underwear, and my vibrator. To say I was pissed was an understatement. I was seeing red. My mom and brother were on the way home, so I took pictures, put everything back, and waited.
When they got home, I called them upstairs into his bedroom. I, calmly and even-toned, said to my brother that I wanted to know, once and for all, whether or not he'd been the one messing with my clothes for years, and that I wouldn't be mad, but I wanted him to admit to it if it was him. Immediately, he starts screaming for me to get out of his room, how dare I accuse him, etc. At this point, my Mom was pretty convinced herself as over the years there was never another explanation, so she tried to come to my aid and explain that it's nothing to be embarrassed of and he could talk to her about anything. She even asked me to go out of the room so they could talk privately. I eavesdropped from outside, and heard him say that it's not his fault I'm crazy and a bitch, etc. He continued to deny it. I had reached my tipping point. I burst into the room, threw open the closet door and grabbed the vibrator. I whipped around with it in my outstretched arm, looked him dead in the eyes and screamed "EXPLAIN THIS!" A look of absolute horror reached his face. He didn't say anything. So, I threw the vibrator at him, and then starting taking each other item out of the closet and throwing it into a pile in the middle of the room. Only after that was done did he finally crack. He started to sob. I told my Mom that I would be back, that she needed to talk to him, and I left the house.
A few hours later, I returned and my Mom basically told me that he admitted to stealing the clothes for YEARS. He wouldn't tell her what he was doing with them- she thought he was maybe putting them on pillows and pretending they were girls (he'd never had a girlfriend or anything) but I always thought- and still do- that he'd been wearing the clothes in his room. She discussed with him that she would be willing to purchase women's clothes for him so that he wouldn't need to steal mine, and that she would do it in private so my Dad wouldn't know. She also told me that he was incredibly ashamed and she was nervous he'd hurt himself or attempt to end himself because of my confrontation (never in his life had he ever showed signs of this). I told her to relay the message to him that all I wanted was an apology.
A few hours later, he came to me, totally unable to look me in the face, but he apologized for the years of stealing- and sometimes ruining- my clothes. He apologized for denying it every time he was confronted and even offered to replace every single item of clothing/underwear if I wanted (It would have been a couple hundred dollars). I thanked him for apologizing, told him that I would be more than willing to purchase him things myself, that I did not want him to replace anything (because no one wants their brother to buy them a sex toy) and that if he ever wanted to talk about things I was there. It was that day that I told him I was bisexual, had had a girlfriend in secret in high school, and if he was questioning anything I would be an open ear. Even then, our relationship was strained for a long time.
It's been like 6 years now. I moved out as soon as I could, and always said to my Mom that I moved out more to get away from my brother than my parents. My brother has been more open with me in the past few years about his identify and sexuality (I believe him to be demisexual) and the fact that he does, in fact, purchase and wear women's clothing on occasion in the privacy of his own room. He once asked me if it would be okay for him to wear lingerie- type items when he visits/sleeps over my apartment. I respectfully declined, stating that I still harbored negative feelings towards that whole situation and quite frankly, didn't want to see my brother in his underwear, and he accepted that.
Still, to this day, I harbor resentment towards my parents that they never took my side until there was hard, undeniable truth in front of them. I actually don't know if my Mom ever told my Dad- he could be totally unaware of this whole situation. I've always thought they treated my brother differently. I had to be the responsible one. I had to be the one that held it all together. I had to be the one to do things for everyone else, even at my own expense. I've never really truly forgiven them for not believing me.
Anyway, that's what I's unpacking in therapy this week. I hope the visual of me flinging a vibrator across a room made you smile if nothing else! Cheers everyone.
submitted by ConsistentTune4406 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
When I was in middle school, I started to notice that I would occasionally go to look for something in my closet and couldn't find it. I would mention it to my Mom, who did my laundry, and most often she would say she didn't have it. Almost always, the piece of clothing would mysteriously appear in either the laundry or my closet days later. My parents told me I just owned too many clothes and my closets/drawers were simply too full, and that's why I lost these items.
In high school, this continued with more frequency, and I started to notice that it was always very particular items of clothing- plaid mini skirts, knee high socks, heeled boots, and sometimes, even underwear. I have several vivid memories of going to pull underwear out of my dresser and seeing that it had obvious stains or spots on them- that they were not clean and had definitely been used, but not by me. I also noticed that sometimes the items would be put in the closet in the wrong spots (I had everything organized a particular way) or they were hung up on hangers oddly. I started to think my brother was the one stealing my clothes, because it couldn't be anyone else in the house. I figured he was doing it just to mess with me, so I started confronting him about it- always in front of my parents and most often at dinner. Immediately my brother would yell and say there's no way he would do that, and my Dad would jump right to his aide and defend my brother. How dare I accuse him? It's not his fault that I'm messy/own too many clothes to keep track of. In private, my Mom would say that she couldn't think of another explanation, but that she didn't believe my brother was doing it and I shouldn't bring it up at family dinners anymore. I was getting increasingly frustrated as this was going on for YEARS. Eventually, I started doing my own laundry, and locking my bedroom door when I wasn't home. Even then, the same thing would happen occasionally. I knew in my heart it was my brother but it didn't matter, because any time I brought it up I was the one blamed for causing a fight. I even confronted my brother privately a few times, but he never admitted to anything.
Well, one day when I was in my Senior or Grad year of college- I was probably around 22 at the time- I wanted some alone time while the house was empty and I go to get my vibrator out of the bottom drawer of my nightstand, except... it wasn't there. I looked everywhere, even dumping out the drawer completely just to make sure it wasn't. My mom knew I had one, so the first thing I did was call her and ask if she knew what had happened to it. She didn't. So, I went into my brother's room and started searching. There, shoved into the corner of his closet under a bunch of random stuff, was a stash- complete with multiple of my items of clothing, shoes, handfuls of underwear, and my vibrator. To say I was pissed was an understatement. I was seeing red. My mom and brother were on the way home, so I took pictures, put everything back, and waited.
When they got home, I called them upstairs into his bedroom. I, calmly and even-toned, said to my brother that I wanted to know, once and for all, whether or not he'd been the one messing with my clothes for years, and that I wouldn't be mad, but I wanted him to admit to it if it was him. Immediately, he starts screaming for me to get out of his room, how dare I accuse him, etc. At this point, my Mom was pretty convinced herself as over the years there was never another explanation, so she tried to come to my aid and explain that it's nothing to be embarrassed of and he could talk to her about anything. She even asked me to go out of the room so they could talk privately. I eavesdropped from outside, and heard him say that it's not his fault I'm crazy and a bitch, etc. He continued to deny it. I had reached my tipping point. I burst into the room, threw open the closet door and grabbed the vibrator. I whipped around with it in my outstretched arm, looked him dead in the eyes and screamed "EXPLAIN THIS!" A look of absolute horror reached his face. He didn't say anything. So, I threw the vibrator at him, and then starting taking each other item out of the closet and throwing it into a pile in the middle of the room. Only after that was done did he finally crack. He started to sob. I told my Mom that I would be back, that she needed to talk to him, and I left the house.
A few hours later, I returned and my Mom basically told me that he admitted to stealing the clothes for YEARS. He wouldn't tell her what he was doing with them- she thought he was maybe putting them on pillows and pretending they were girls (he'd never had a girlfriend or anything) but I always thought- and still do- that he'd been wearing the clothes in his room. She discussed with him that she would be willing to purchase women's clothes for him so that he wouldn't need to steal mine, and that she would do it in private so my Dad wouldn't know. She also told me that he was incredibly ashamed and she was nervous he'd hurt himself or attempt to end himself because of my confrontation (never in his life had he ever showed signs of this). I told her to relay the message to him that all I wanted was an apology.
A few hours later, he came to me, totally unable to look me in the face, but he apologized for the years of stealing- and sometimes ruining- my clothes. He apologized for denying it every time he was confronted and even offered to replace every single item of clothing/underwear if I wanted (It would have been a couple hundred dollars). I thanked him for apologizing, told him that I would be more than willing to purchase him things myself, that I did not want him to replace anything (because no one wants their brother to buy them a sex toy) and that if he ever wanted to talk about things I was there. It was that day that I told him I was bisexual, had had a girlfriend in secret in high school, and if he was questioning anything I would be an open ear. Even then, our relationship was strained for a long time.
It's been like 6 years now. I moved out as soon as I could, and always said to my Mom that I moved out more to get away from my brother than my parents. My brother has been more open with me in the past few years about his identify and sexuality (I believe him to be demisexual) and the fact that he does, in fact, purchase and wear women's clothing on occasion in the privacy of his own room. He once asked me if it would be okay for him to wear lingerie- type items when he visits/sleeps over my apartment. I respectfully declined, stating that I still harbored negative feelings towards that whole situation and quite frankly, didn't want to see my brother in his underwear, and he accepted that.
Still, to this day, I harbor resentment towards my parents that they never took my side until there was hard, undeniable truth in front of them. I actually don't know if my Mom ever told my Dad- he could be totally unaware of this whole situation. I've always thought they treated my brother differently. I had to be the responsible one. I had to be the one that held it all together. I had to be the one to do things for everyone else, even at my own expense. I've never really truly forgiven them for not believing me.
Anyway, that's what I's unpacking in therapy this week. I hope the visual of me flinging a vibrator across a room made you smile if nothing else! Cheers everyone.
2024.05.16 16:28 P_0_VV Camping in Skeleton Park
Part 1
The official story is that I hit my head. According to the lawyer I wasn't lucid enough to be a reliable witness, and honestly, I'm starting to believe that might be the truth. It's certainly easier to accept that everything was all just some nightmare.But if my mind wasn't playing tricks on me, and those fuck-heads didn’t have anything to do with my friend’s disappearance, then there truly is no explanation for what happened.
My therapist and parents both agree. The best way to preserve my sanity is to chalk it all up to my imagination. But I see understanding in their eyes when I recount the events. They want to believe me, I know it. That alone is enough to fuel my doubt.
—
School had begun that September with mourning. I only knew the guy who passed away by face and name. It had happened a month after his graduation, and two months before his first year at Cornell.
During the intercom-ordered moment of silence, I looked out through the classroom. Some were bored, some cried. Many shifted in their seats and were glancing around, like myself, counting every second till the awkwardness would end.
It ended sooner than we thought when a kid with sports goggles a size too big bouncing on his face slammed the door open, obliviously clarifying his attendance.
I'm embarrassed to say that this kid, Aiden, was the only friend I had made in high school until this point. I have a hard time introducing myself to others, but being friends with a prepubescent outcast wasn't making that any easier.
After middle school, my family moved to the small village we live in now. It was a brainless choice because my Mom had found better work, my Dad wanted to be closer to his aging parents, and I desperately wanted out of my old school.
Aiden was the first kid to introduce himself when I transferred last year. I realized he was the token 'weird kid' way too late to make it into any social circles. I know it sounds like I'm a shit friend, but that's the way our relationship turned out. Sure, we told our parents and teachers we were friends, but in reality, it was more a tolerance than friendship.
After all, we didn't have anyone else.
For once, I was thankful for Aiden's lack of awareness. It gave me something to focus on instead of the depressing silence strangling the room.
After realizing his mistake, he whispered an apology, sat down, and pulled out an insect encyclopedia from his book bag. What a nerd.
I distracted myself by reading the book from over his shoulder, and before I knew it, lights were turned back on and class began in earnest.
—
I was able to learn what had happened by eavesdropping on hallway gossip between my classes.
Eight kids, six seniors and two juniors, had found a cave in a region of forest known as Skeleton Park. With that discovery, they decided to add spelunking to their pre-graduation bucket list.
Skeleton Park is the setting of countless local ghost stories, which made it a hot spot for rebellious teen antics. Kids would do everything there: party, drink, smoke, fuck, and everything in between. They even crawled around in caves apparently.
When I first moved, I was a skeptic with no intent of exploring the woods. But one creepy phenomenon always unnerved me. For some reason, animals completely avoided the area.
I initially dismissed this as fiction, like all the other folk tales, until I started walking my dog, Paddy, along the town's bike trail.
The trail runs parallel to the remains of a stone wall outlining Skeleton Park. The first couple of times I walked along it, I didn't notice anything peculiar. But after my Dad first told me about the rumors, I became aware that the area was unnaturally silent. No birds chirped in the trees, no flies buzzing, and no rustling from rodents or any other animals.
Even more surreal, on several occasions I saw deer stop at the wall and walk along it instead of passing through the area. It was like there was an invisible border they refused to cross.
With this context, I'm sure you can understand the reaction of the locals when eight kids entered, and only seven escaped two days later, traumatized and bruised.
Honestly, I was surprised to not have heard about the event over the summer, closer to when it happened. Even more strange though, was how unwilling Aiden was to talk about the incident.
He was the kind of kid who had a strong opinion about everything. On top of that, he was constantly bringing up horror movies, or Creepypastas he had found online. But when I asked his opinion on this summer's events during recess, he only shrugged. Despite the nonchalant response, the look on his face told me that it bothered him. So I didn’t press, and let the subject go.
At the time I'd guessed that he might've had some connection to the kid that went missing. In a way, he did.
—
After an exhausting day of attempts from teachers to console their students with speeches, candy, and exceptional lenience, I was ready to go home.
I expected to find Aidan at the usual spot by the bike racks, where we met each day to walk home. Instead, there was an audience next to the bikes, forming a ring around two disheveled figures.
The flying fists and shouting could only mean one thing, so I kept my distance. Then I heard Aidan yell center, “Fucker!’ and saw a glimpse of his face spitting from a bloody mouth onto the other fighter.
Even though his back was to me, I could tell Aidan’s opponent was easily 5 inches, and 60 pounds heavier than my friend.
Teachers didn’t arrive to break up the fight before the two were on the ground, Aidan mounted with arms up, desperately trying to block blows.
A whistle was blown, and people began running away as my math teacher desperately tried to pry the football player off of Aidan.
He fought back the grown man and was finally pulled away when two more adults rushed to help. The boy was screaming at Aiden with carnal rage.
"You're a fucking liar! How dare you, I'm going to fucking kill you if I ever see you again!"
Aidan was still screaming too, but backed away willingly.
"I'm telling the truth dumbass! You were trespassing! You should be lucky we didn't press charges!"
Aiden looked bad but waved the teachers off whenever they asked if he was OK. Blood poured from his forehead, mouth, and nose. He had at least one black eye.
The other guy, I learned from the crowd, was one of the two juniors who had gone to the cave. He didn't have as many cuts or bruises but was supporting his weight on one leg and his friend's shoulder. Multiple teachers forced him into a chair while they waited for a nurse to arrive.
While the crowd control was distracted, Aiden sneaked over to me and whispered that we needed to get out of there. A couple of minutes later, the two of us were walking home like nothing had ever happened.
It took me a while before I dared to ask Aiden for the full story. He didn't even let me finish my question, which let me know he was more or less his usual self.
"My family inherited the property everyone calls Skeleton Park. It's not haunted, it's not toxic, it's not the home of a satanic sex cult; it's just a piece of forest that's been in my family for a couple of generations."
He spat a dribble of red onto the sidewalk, and I realized I'd never seen Aiden get violent before. We had our share of bullying this past year, but he would always shrug it off and laugh. He wouldn't even try to fight back. We would just get pushed around a bit, and he'd make a quip afterward about the guys' weight or smell.
"Every summer, my dad and I drive around the perimeter putting up trespassing signs, and every year they get ripped down. We get police calls once a month during the summer that somebody came limping out of there with a broken arm or leg, and they have the balls to demand we do something about it. It's not our fault nobody follows the law around here. It's the fucking woods, and it's our private property. What the hell are we even supposed to do?"
To be honest, I hadn't even considered Skeleton Park could've been private property. Though I believed everything Aiden said, I had never seen any signs along the border wall. Embarrassed from being one of those trespassers, I looked away and stayed silent as Aiden continued.
"The area is just too big. There are too many places to enter, and there's no way to block it all off. Though it's not like that'll stop anybody. I feel bad that somebody died, but I'm also a little bit thankful. Maybe now, people will think twice before messing around out there."
We walked in silence until reaching the junction where we would have to part ways. I was tired and wanted to head home, but I also was worried that Aiden would be jumped by some of the seniors if he was alone. It had happened before, and his earlier brawl could've been seen as a declaration of war.
Instead of voicing these concerns, however, I asked if he wanted to play video games at his house. He was surprised by the request but agreed.
I was on edge with every passing car, and every blind turn, but thankfully we weren’t attacked. After a couple more minutes of walking, we made it to Aiden’s house. His Dad was outside watering the garden. He turned, noticing our approach in the corner of his eye, but his planned greeting died in his mouth when he saw the dried blood coating Aiden’s face.
"Holy Shit! what did you do this time?" he exclaimed, running over to inspect his son’s injuries. "Oh, hey Brian," he added, smiling briefly at me before returning to his analysis.
Mr. Eriks was cool for a dad. Aiden never had a bad thing to say about him, and the way he handled everything that happened in the following months would only increase my admiration for him. He'd raised Aiden by himself, and I would've considered him a second friend if he wasn't 40 years older than me.
After determining the damage wasn't all that bad: a cut on Aidan's forehead and lip producing most of the blood, the three of us went inside.
Aiden went upstairs to take a shower, and his dad privately thanked me for walking him home. It didn’t take long for me to cave, and ask Mr. Eriks about the park.
"Yeah, we do own it," he answered while preparing snacks for Aiden and me. " My wife, Aiden's mom, inherited it before she passed away, and then it was signed over to me. To be honest, I don't know too much about it, and she didn't either. We just used it to go camping there sometimes, back before Aiden was born. Now we go together because it reminds us of her."
"Did you ever run into people up there, when you're camping?"
"Yeah, though not in the fall and winter when we usually go. I have the police's local number on speed dial for when it happens. Usually, it's just teens though. Kids tend to run away as soon as they see an adult with a flashlight. Paranormal or not, they know they're not supposed to be there- You staying with us for dinner Brian?"
At this point, I was too curious about the truth of Skeleton Park to leave, so I nodded and said I just needed to check with my parents.
After a phone call with my mom, some pizza rolls, and a couple of rounds of Fortnite, the afternoon stress had mostly faded away.
Me and Aidan were sitting in his room, scrolling Netflix for a slasher film to watch, when I finally asked what I'd been dying to know the entire afternoon.
"So, why was that guy saying you're a liar?"
Aiden chuckled at the question.
"He refused to believe my family owned the property his friend died on."
"Why did you even say anything? You know that just makes them want to beat you up more, right?"
"I'm tired of everybody using our land like a public park, I'm tired of picking up condoms left by people I go to school with, and I'm tired of keeping quiet about it. I tried explaining it to people in middle school. Our first project in fifth grade was a presentation about something important to us, I did mine about the park. Nobody believed me, and it got me socially exiled for the next four years. "
I ignored the urge to explain that there was probably more to his social exile than a get-to-know-you presentation from four years ago.
"That's fair I guess," I said instead. "You're dad says you go camping there."
"Yeah, on three-day weekends, and sometimes longer on breaks. Mostly in the fall and winter when there are less trespassers."
"You don't find it creepy camping there? Even without the trespassers?"
"You mean because of the silence?" Aiden smiled and looked over at me. "Yeah, the rumor about the animals is true as far as I can tell. Sure. It's kind of weird, but in winter it's kind of beautiful too. After a blizzard, there's nothing to disturb the snow, and it's kinda like the whole forest has gone to sleep. With the snow and no animals, it can get so quiet that you hear your own heart beating."
He looked off past me with a feeling of nostalgia, but all I felt was chills.
"I can take you if you want," Aiden added. "I'll have to ask my dad, but I think it would be fun to have another person camp with us."
"I'll think about it," was my way of declining without saying no.
Aiden just shrugged. "Suit yourself. Offer still stands if you ever change your mind."
Much to my annoyance, we weren’t even able to finish the movie. My Mom called, saying she was outside to pick me up an hour into our viewing of The Blair Witch Project.
I went to bed wondering how anyone could feel safe camping in a place like that. After contemplating taking Aidan up on his offer, I concluded there could be nothing that would make me spend the night there. Ironically, it would be less than a week before I changed my mind.
—
Three days later, I was walking Paddy along our usual route when she stopped and looked up at something beyond the stone wall, into Skeleton Park. She stood like a statue, eyes wide and fixated on some invisible thing.
I tried tugging the leash, pulling out a treat, begging, and making all kinds of sounds, but she just stood there. Paddy was a six-year-old golden retriever who easily weighed as much as I did, so I couldn't do much more than wait for her to move.
Suddenly, she began barking wildly at the air.
I tried approaching, but she growled at me, a sound I had never heard from her before, and I was forced to back away.
Before I could even process what was happening. She leaped over the wall and ran at full speed into the woods. It all happened so quickly that I had no time to tighten my grip on the leash.
She sprinted straight into the woods, and I chased after her, but I didn't make it far without tripping on a root hidden among the leaves. My knee was split open by something as I fell, and it took all my strength, fighting past the shock, to get back up. After recovering, I looked in all directions, but couldn't see Paddy anymore. I could only hear the tossing of leaves and branches in the distance.
Then there was nothing. Not a single sound. I'm not sure why I didn't question the sudden silence back then. It wasn't the gradual fade into silence you would expect from something running away. It was as if somebody had just hit a mute button on everything but the wind through the trees.
I don't know, maybe I'm misremembering the details.
Patty's disappearance doesn't matter anyway. We never found her, and dogs don’t live for twenty years, so at this point, we never will.
After taking a moment to recover from the shock, I limped home crying and told my parents what had happened. My Dad called the police because it was the only thing we could think of, but all they did was apologize and recommend we put up posters.
They couldn't do anything even if they wanted to. After all, she ran onto private property.
After that, the last thing I could think to do was call Aiden. His dad promised they could search the park that night, and he also offered to take me for an extended search the following weekend in case they didn’t find anything.
Of course, they didn't find her, just half of a leash wrapped around a branch. At least, that's what my parents told me the Eriks had found, they never actually let me see it.
A day before the trip, the Forecast started predicting snow: Saturday night into Sunday, eight inches, wet.
I probably should've given up then. Instead, I told Aiden this would probably be my only chance to find Paddy, insisting she wouldn't survive in the snow. After making sure with his dad, we continued with the plan and headed out after school Friday night.
—
While it hurts keeping this story in, reliving the memories is almost as painful. So I'm going to take a break writing for now and continue in a day or two. If anyone has a scientific explanation for why animals were avoiding that area, or for my dog's behavior, please let me know.
Thanks for reading, B
Part 1
2024.05.16 16:12 CIAHerpes I remember the night I died and saw the Bardo.
There are some kinds of wisdom only great suffering can bring. I remember my time in the Bardo with this in mind, for otherwise, the memory might drive me insane.
The night my heart stopped for nearly three minutes started off normally enough. I was working as a nurse in the psychiatric ward at a hospital in the state’s capital. Most of the patients there were harmless, mostly just suicide attempts or people suffering from drug psychosis or severe depression, but some were actively dangerous and certainly psychopathic in every sense of the word. The new admission was one of these- a three-hundred pound black man with a long history of smoking PCP, schizophrenia and violent, psychotic breaks from reality.
His eyes looked like flat pieces of slate as I walked in for my shift. They looked as blank and emotionless as the eyes of a doll. He sat at the table in the front room where the patients ate or played cards, alone under the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital. I walked to the station, where another psychiatric nurse named Ricardo was sitting behind the desk.
“What’s the deal with the new guy?” I asked him. Ricardo looked up, his dark Spanish face forming into a deep scowl. He ran his fingers through his jet-black hair nervously.
“He’s trouble, man,” he said in a crisp accent. “He got in a chase with the police and then punched some cops in the face. It took three guys to take him down, even after he got maced and tased. The judge sent him here on a temporary court order, since he claims he’s been getting chased by Nazis in UFOs, and that’s why he ran from the cops. He thought the cops in their uniforms were actually the SS, and the helicopters were alien spacecraft, or something. I don’t know, I didn’t listen to the whole story.”
“You have his file?” I asked. Ricardo leafed through a stack of folders with his thin fingers, snatching one out and handing it to me. I looked down, reading the information:
“Jeremiah Brown, black male, 37-years-old.
“History: Polysubstance abuse, schizophrenia, antisocial personality disorder.
“Psychiatrist’s note: This patient has scored a 36 out of 40 on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist. While I am always hesitant to label a patient as an antisocial personality, a combination of factors has made it essential for this patient.
“Patient has an extensive criminal history as well as a lengthy history of involuntary psychiatric admissions. He has been diagnosed as having antisocial traits since he was a young teenager. Patient has a long history of violence and suicide attempts. He has a history of imprisonment for manslaughter, armed robbery, grand theft and aggravated assault. Upon discharge, he refuses to take any antipsychotic medication, citing the side effects as the reason. Long-term prognosis is poor…”
I had not been sleeping well the past few weeks. I rubbed my eyes as I read through the file, feeling exhausted. I tried putting on lucid dreaming or meditation music from YouTube to help me sleep, but whenever I closed my eyes, I saw horrible things: chalk-white female faces whose lips were cut into an insane rictus grin, flicking their heads violently from side to side and gnashing their fangs at the air. I had a feeling that many years of constantly watching horror movies and serial killer documentaries was catching up with me.
As I read through the file, a student nurse came around the corner wearing a white state university outfit and a name tag that said Kaitlyn. I looked up, seeing Ricardo wink at me from where he was sitting in his chair behind the main desk.
“She’s going to follow you,” he said. Inwardly, I groaned, but I managed to force a smile.
“Oh, great!” I said. She looked like she was probably no older than nineteen or twenty. She had a pretty body, but her face looked strange. All the angles were too sharp and her nose too large. I knew the patients here wouldn’t care, though. They would hit on anything. I sensed trouble. I looked down at my watch.
“Well, I’m Jay, and you already know Ricardo, I guess. It’s good timing, because we need to give medications every day at 9 PM. And we have a new patient, so we can introduce ourselves,” I said, giving her a faint smile.
“That’s exciting!” Kaitlyn whispered. I wanted to roll my eyes. It was definitely not exciting.
I motioned her to follow me as I made my way to the medication room, which was really just a large closet off of the main day room. I had to enter my code on a keypad, and then, once inside, enter it again along with the patient’s number and date of birth. The correct drawers for the medication in each specific dose would fly open, making it extremely hard for the wrong medications or doses to be given, unless it was done intentionally.
“OK, so for this patient, we need Haldol, Ativan and…” I began saying to Kaitlyn when the yelling started. It came out faintly, rising in volume and anger within seconds. I heard Ricardo’s Spanish voice, filled with panic. Something slammed hard against a wall, once, twice, three times, and then I heard the sound of glass breaking. I jumped, spinning around, but I couldn’t see much through the small, shatter-proof glass pane on the wooden door.
“Stay here,” I commanded, seeing Kaitlyn’s eyes widen, her freckled skin looking much paler than when we had first come in. “Don’t leave until I come back and say that it’s safe.” On the speakers strung throughout the hospital, I heard the first of the warnings echo out around us.
“Doctor Strong, Doctor Strong, please report to the seventh floor,” a robotic female voice said calmly, using the code for when a patient had to be subdued by force. I pushed the door open, slamming it shut behind me so that the lock would activate and protect Kaitlyn from whatever chaos was going on.
I heard Ricardo pleading with someone at the end of the hallway that ran past the main desk. He sounded strange, as if he were trying to talk through a mouthful of blood. Huddled behind the main computer, I saw one of the CNAs frantically whispering something in the phone. She must have been the one to call the Dr. Strong order.
“You don’t have to do this, man,” Ricardo gurgled faintly. I couldn’t see what was happening, as Jeremiah’s large body was blocking my view. I could see that the thick glass window at the end of the hallway was broken, however. My heart skipped a beat as I surmised what was likely happening.
I sprinted forward as quietly as I could, but the large man heard me. His massive body turned, his flat, dead eyes scanning me with absolute coldness and calm. I saw he had a bleeding Ricardo in his hands. Ricardo’s back and head were covered in deep cuts and shards of glass. He must have used Ricardo’s body as a battering ram to break the thick glass window. Jeremiah held Ricardo suspended halfway out the window, seven floors above the concrete walkways far below.
“Stay back, or this fucker will know what it feels like to fly,” Jeremiah said in a deep, gravelly voice. He shook Ricardo for emphasis, sending his head snapping back and forth with painful cracking sounds. Drops of blood flew from his nose and a deep gash across his cheek. Pieces of shattered glass littered the carpet, shining like countless tiny stars.
I put my hands up, taking a step back. Far behind me, I heard the front door for the psychiatric ward open. Voices echoed down the hall. Knowing that reinforcements were coming, I tried to buy some time.
“Let’s talk about this,” I said, taking a step forward slowly. “You don’t want a murder charge, do you? You’ll never see the sky again.”
“I don’t give a fuck! I’m not afraid to die!” Jeremiah screamed, pushing Ricardo onto one of the shards of broken glass still attached to the windowsill. It bit deeply into the back of his neck, sending fresh streams of blood rushing out, dripping down to the pavement far below. I heard security guards and doctors running down the hallway behind me, their voices frantic and excited. Jeremiah saw them coming. With an animalistic panic in his eyes, he lifted Ricardo up. I cried out something, stepping forward, but it was already too late. In horror, I watched as he threw Ricardo out the window.
I watched Ricardo’s body soar in a graceful arc, his arms grabbing at empty air as a scream ripped its way out of his throat. Within a fraction of a second, he had disappeared from view, but his terrified shrieking floated up to us for what seemed like a very long time. His screams ended abruptly as a shattering of bones and a wet smacking sound exploded far below us.
Jeremiah turned to me, his large body moving much faster than seemed possible. In his hand, I saw a piece of broken glass, five or six inches long and as sharp as a dagger. I tried to turn and run, but he was fast and strong. He lunged forward, his arm coming up in a blur towards my neck.
The shard entered my skin with a cold, numbing pain. I felt it slice through the flesh easily, felt the blood bubbling up my throat as I tried to scream, choking. The taste of iron filled my mouth as I fell backwards. I was suffocating, I knew. I must be dying.
Something cold ran down my body, gripping my heart like freezing, skeletal hands. The world swam around me and turned black. And then I was rising into a tunnel. At first, it was dark, filled with flickering shadows, but a fiery red light appeared at the end. I followed it, no more than a screaming mass of consciousness rising up into infinity.
***
I rose up through the end of the tunnel and found myself in an empty hospital ward. It looked identical to the psychiatric ward I had just come from. It even had the same smashed, blood-streaked window at the end of the hallway. A massive puddle of blood about ten feet away marked the spot where I must have died. But the fluorescent lights overhead here were flickering, and many had gone totally dark. The shadows seemed to press in on all sides.
The doors to the patients’ rooms were all tightly shut. I felt watched, afraid to call out or make any noise. I started walking down the hallway back towards the day room where the front desk was. All the lights there were out. A thick curtain of shadows hung in the air.
“You can come out,” a male voice as smooth as glass called from the darkness. I jumped, my head flicking in random directions, but I saw nothing. The voice almost sounded like it had an English lilt to it, a slight Cockneyed accent. “I know you’re there.”
“Who’s there?” I called out, not stepping forward. “Show yourself.”
“As you wish…” the voice hissed. “But I think you’ll regret it.”
***
The darkness split apart as if a nuclear missile had exploded. I raised my hand to shield my face, but the light and heat kept pouring out all around me. It blinded me, causing a rainbow of colors and shapes to morph behind my closed eyelids. After a few seconds, it subsided. Blinking rapidly, I squinted in the direction the voice had come from.
A male figure stood there, bathed in a silhouette of light. His face looked as white and as smooth as marble. His eyes were pits of darkness that seemed to flicker and burn. Two black, rotted wings surrounded his body, all sharp angles and thin, curving bones. His body was clothed in silky, blood-red robes, and a hood covered his platinum blonde hair.
He looked somewhat similar to Leonardo DiCaprio, if he was possessed by some ancient god, and it immediately threw me off-guard. If I was dying, and this was a hallucination of my brain, why would I be hallucinating Mr. DiCaprio?
“Who are you?” I asked, taking a hesitant step back. “Where am I?”
“My name is Lucifer, the Bringer of Light and Wisdom, and you are in the Bardo,” he answered.
“Oh,” I said, my heart dropping. “Well, that’s not good. Are you here to torture me or drag to me to Hell or something? You are that Lucifer, right? The Accuser of God and the Father of All Lies?”
“So they say, but, like most things in your world, the words of the powerful and your rulers are the true lies. They call me the Accuser, but of what am I accused?” he spoke in a voice that rose like smoke. “Of bringing knowledge and wisdom to humanity by telling them to eat from the tree of knowledge, the tree that would cause them to rise above the animals?
“Indeed, at the beginning, I saw the creation. I was there at the alpha, standing by the side of God with all the angels as the universe came into being. The endless procession of light, the power of it, was something remarkable to behold. God is, indeed, the source of great power, but his consciousness is not what the believers say.
“After the creation of the universe, I saw his plan, how he ripped eternal souls from the source to imprison them. I saw how he took these divine sparks and forced them, screaming and wailing, into bodies made of meat to die over and over again. He said it was part of the plan, the great, divine plan, a plan of death and destruction, constant suffering and mindless agony. And the worst part was, he wanted to give humanity neither the knowledge of good and evil, nor the tree of life. I convinced them to eat the fruit so they could open their eyes to their nakedness, to their basic animal existence, so they could rise up out of it forever.
“Like Prometheus, I brought down the fire, and yet they call me the Accuser? God was insane long before he formed the universe. These holy men, they live and die in fanatical adoration to a divine being who is, in fact, totally indifferent to them.
“His consciousness twists and distorts, eating itself for all eternity. God feeds off the pain of others, for if his mind is burning, then all others should burn as well. When these holy men die, God will send their souls here to the Bardo, to suffer every evil they have ever done. The wisdom I brought those who called upon me freed them from this prison, and in exchange, the holy men burned them alive. I offered the wisdom that opens your eyes, but it has been forgotten and cursed.”
Lucifer’s body began to dissolve, drifting up into the air like ashes. All around me, a low, powerful current blew, a tornado that spiraled high up into the clouds. Like some sort of Cheshire Cat, his smooth voice continued to echo all around me, even as the form of Lucifer disappeared.
“And yet, you have not the wisdom. For that, like all the others who enter the Bardo, you must suffer, everything you’ve done. Every small hurt and agony inflicted on others comes back a thousand-fold in this place, but don’t be afraid.”
“How could I not be afraid?!” I screamed into the ward, but I found myself alone, the question hanging unanswered in the air.
***
The lights continued to flicker all down the hallway. Feeling strange and dissociated, I stumbled over to one of the windows. As I gazed out, I beheld a strange and alien world.
The sky was flat and gray. It stayed in constant motion, swirling and spiraling, like clouds of roiling smoke. There was no Sun or Moon, no stars, only the strange, shifting whorls of clouds. The streets were filled with burned-out husks of cars and mummified bodies hung from streetlamps. Other signs of carnage and bloodshed covered the apocalyptic streets. I saw what looked like shadows in the shape of people slinking through over the sidewalks, past rotting dogs and streaks of clotted blood. They had no features on their blank, dark bodies. They seemed to skitter and jerk forwards in eerie, twisting motions.
Horrified, I turned away, realizing I was no longer alone in the day room. In the day room, there were dozens of tables set up inside a rectangular perimeter that was walled in by cosmetic walls only four feet high. It was where the patients sat and played games or ate.
Under the flickering lights, I now saw each of the chairs filled with faceless mannequins. Many were dressed in Victorian suits and tophats. The women had frilly dresses of pink and blue that might have been fashionable in the 1800s.
As the lights strobed on and off overhead, I realized with an increasing sense of disquiet that the mannequins were moving each time it went dark. When I had first seen them, they were mostly posed to look like they were staring across the tables at each other, even though they had no eyes, just smooth, flesh-colored plastic. Now all of them were looking directly at me. Some were pointing or raising their hands in my direction. At the tips of their fingers, I saw the glittering of steel. The lights continued to flicker, and the mannequins rose from their chairs in the short periods of darkness, moving towards me in synchronized, strobing motions.
Frantically, I ran down the hallway back towards the broken window. In each of the rooms, I caught glimpses of something from a nightmare peeking out. I hadn’t been sleeping well lately, and when I had closed my eyes, I often saw ancient hags with chalk-white skin and yellowed, broken teeth whose jaws unhinged, their faces jerking in stuttering, dissonant ways that reminded me of the mannequins. Now, on both sides of me, I saw these same figures. They moved continuously out of the rooms, drawing closer with every breath.
I looked back, seeing the mannequins only a few steps behind me. I continued sprinting towards the broken window where the hallway ended in a wall. I didn’t know what would happen when I reached it. At that moment, there was no rational thought. I felt like a deer being chased down by a pack of wolves, feeling waves of blind panic and mortal terror rushing through my body.
But as I reached the end of the hallway, the end of my rope as it were, a blast of noise started, seeming to come from the walls of the building and the sky itself. It sounded like a siren, a low, drawn-out drone of a demonic whale call, rising and falling in crashing crescendos. The mannequins froze in place once again. The strange, witch-like creatures slunk back into the dark rooms.
I looked outside the broken window, seeing clouds of black smoke rising off in the distance. The flickering of massive infernos scorched the land, drawing nearer by the second. The siren sound faded slowly, like the dying echoes of a gong.
I was surrounded by dozens of mannequins. Their sharp hands were inches away from my face and neck. I saw metal glittering all around me and realized they had the sharp points of nails protruding from the ends of their fingers. I was afraid to move, but I heard a familiar voice from down the hallway. It was the confident voice of Lucifer.
“The siren means much worse nightmares than these are coming in the Bardo,” he said, his glossy, black eyes flashing with intelligence. He walked slowly towards me, his face grim and pale. “Hell itself is coming over the land. This building is no more than a construction of your dying mind, but the world outside is real.”
“How can Hell come and go?” I asked, confused. “Isn’t Hell a place?”
“Hell is a monster, a beast with many mouths and many eyes,” Lucifer responded. “It eats constantly, but its hunger never ends. Look, the first of the sacrifices scatter like cockroaches.” He pointed out the broken window, pushing his way through the mannequins effortlessly. I glanced outside, seeing thousands of people sprinting down the dark city streets. The inferno and thick clouds of smoke had moved much closer, and every few seconds, the ground shook slightly, as if we were experiencing the aftershocks of an earthquake.
“What can I do against such a beast?” I asked, my heart freezing with terror. But when I looked back over, I saw his form dissolving again, becoming translucent and drifting away like ashes. It seemed even Lucifer didn’t want to be present when the Hell-beast arrived.
“Seek divine wisdom,” he said, his voice trailing off into whispers. “Remember the source.”
***
Now crowds of tens of thousands of people were streaming into the city, filling every single inch of the streets. Their panic and fear was contagious. I felt it rising inside my body like a snake spiraling up my spine. I took off down the hallway, running through the swarm of frozen mannequins, each in their own ferocious position of attack. The lights flickered faster and went out. Yet the fires outside cast the entire world in a bloody glow, giving me enough light to see by and find my way. I sprinted down the stairwell, taking them two steps at a time. The screaming outside grew louder and more pain-filled. The shaking of the ground worsened with every passing second.
I burst out of the front entrance, seeing a world on fire all around me. Thousands of crushed, bleeding and burned bodies stretched out as far as the eye could see. Behind all this chaos and death, I saw a monster of unimaginable proportions slinking its way towards me.
Lucifer was right, I realized: Hell was not a place, but a creature, an enormous monster the size of a town. It had thousands of skittering, jointed legs that looked like little more than skeletal arms and hands, each of them dozens of feet long and white as freshly-cut marble. Its body stretched out to the horizon, an enormous blood-red cylinder of bony plates that slithered and undulated with a serpentine grace. Waves of peristalsis traveled down its length, like writhing intestines. Thousands of curving, bony spikes stabbed out of it, pointing in every direction. Like the quills of a porcupine, it would protect the massive creature’s body from many forms of attack, if anything was big enough to attack such an abomination.
Hell’s massive eyes flickered, balls of fire that spun and danced. They looked as bright as the Sun. Something like solar flares seemed to emanate from the orbs, flashes of blinding energy that floated over the apocalyptic wasteland. As its many legs smashed the ground, they left trails of fire that caused everything to explode into flames as if napalm dripped from its limbs.
But Hell’s most terrifying feature was its seven dark mouths. Its body looked a thousand feet wide, and the mouths at the front were evenly dispersed. At the front, blood-red teeth in the shape of enormous railroad spikes shone. Its lipless, skeletal face grinned as it moved forward, shaking the ground with every step. The mouths were on long, snake-like necks that could stretch out hundreds of feet. They moved forward in a blur, snapping up as many panicked souls as they could.
Countless souls in the rocky plains of the Bardo ran for their lives, away from this juggernaut. I saw men and women who looked like they came from every country and profession, some dressed in suits or spotless white lab coats, others wearing rags or orange prison jumpsuits. And yet, they all screamed in agony and fear here, their bodies pressed together in a crowd, and no one seemed to remember anything but their own mortal terror. Their voices came out faint and weak next to the roaring of Hell. It shook the ground all around us, as if an earthquake were tearing the land apart.
The first frantic runners of the surging crowd had nearly reached me. The nearest person, a young woman in her mid-twenties dressed in all white, was only ten feet behind me. She looked like she came from wealth, and even from here, I could see a ring with a massive diamond gleaming on her finger.
I took off blindly down the familiar streets of the city where I worked and lived, but these also seemed different. The church down the street from the hospital where I worked had a Satanic pentagram instead of a cross now, its exterior painted a bright, gleaming blood-red. When I had driven past it today on my way to work, I remember it read, “JESUS said, ‘I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’”
Now it read, “Nietzsche said, ‘Of all evil, I deem you capable. I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good simply because they had no claws.’” I wondered what that meant. Was that some sort of comment on me, on all of us here?
The woman I had seen running had caught up with me. She was fast, much faster than her slim body suggested. Her blue eyes were frantic and wild, filled with an animal panic.
“It’s right behind us!” she screamed, her face covered in a sheen of sweat. I was afraid to turn and look, but I could hear the chaos and bloodshed approaching, smell the flames and choking smoke. “Run! Get away!”
A new wave of energy surged through my body. I sprinted as fast I could down the strange mirror streets of the Bardo. I heard the agonized cries of countless souls behind us as the seven mouths of Hell ate them all greedily and then looked for more.
A skyscraper behind us collapsed into a pile of rubble, shaking the ground with a cacophony of falling concrete and shattering glass. The woman was running by my side. Just as I heard the breathing of something huge and predatory right behind us and smelled its sulfuric breath, a piece of concrete the size of a basketball broke off the collapsing skyscraper and flew into the road. I tripped over it, yelling as I flew through the air, skinning my arms and legs on the pavement. The woman’s eyes widened. Hurriedly, she came over and reached down her hand, trying to help me up.
“Come on, come on!” she cried. I looked behind her, seeing one of the gnashing mouths of Hell reaching forward on a blood-red, serpentine neck. The mouth was big enough to drive a tractor trailer into, filled with huge spikes of teeth. Its throat led into a black, smoke-filled abyss. Its fiery eyes were swirling pools of flickering orange light that shone with bloodlust and insanity. They focused on the woman, the entire head turning on its slithering neck.
I frantically raised my hand, intertwining my fingers with hers. Her hand was warm and soft. She started to pull me to my feet when the mouth of Hell snapped forward. Its jaw unhinged, scraping the pavement with a sound like grinding metal. The woman barely had time to turn as the mouth covered her and snapped shut with a crack.
She disappeared from view instantly, but I was still holding her hand. In horror, I felt warm rivers of blood explode all over my body as the mouth of Hell severed her arm at the wrist. She screamed, bleeding and crying, as she disappeared into the throat of Hell. Hell’s fiery eyes focused on me, and at that moment, I knew I was next. Its mouth opened wide again, like a bear trap ready to spring on a new victim.
It was dark in Hell’s mouth, but I smelled the thick reek of old blood and fire. I caught glimpses of tortured, mutilated bodies writhing and crawling down its throat. Shell-shocked, I could only lay there and watch. And that was when the strange doubling started.
***
I heard the frantic voices of men break through the fog of darkness and the fetid reek of blood. There was a mechanical beeping all around me, but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.
“Clear!” one cried. I looked around, only seeing blackness. At that moment, I felt a surge of electricity rip itself through my body. My arms and legs all seized and my eyes rolled up in my head as the pain sizzled through each one of my nerves. I clutched the young woman’s hand tightly, feeling the large, gold ring with the massive diamond biting into my skin.
“Again!” another voice yelled.
“Clear!” the original voice cried. The electricity came again, and a flash of white light flew across my vision. I blinked, seeing from two sets of eyes at the same time: one in the Bardo, and one on the blood-stained floor of the hospital ward.
The Bardo stayed dark and sinister, but the clear white lights of the real psychiatric ward were blinding. It was a bizarre experience. Moreover, everything hurt. Over a few seconds, my vision of the Bardo faded, and I was simply a gravely injured man laying on the floor in a puddle of blood.
Four doctors and paramedics were crouching over me with a defibrillator. My shirt was ripped off, and nearly all of my skin was covered in blood. I raised my left hand, trying to talk, but only a fiery pain raced through my neck. I felt bandages covering my skin. A nurse was rolling a stretcher down the hallway towards me.
“It’s OK,” one of the doctors said, kneeling down. “You’re being taken to emergency surgery. You’ve lost a lot of blood.” I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t talk with the massive slice in my neck.
At that moment, I felt something in my right hand. I looked down, seeing a slim female hand with a massive diamond ring hanging there. Our fingers were wrapped around each other’s, but the hand had been cut off at the wrist. A ragged patch of bloody flesh and snapped bone poked out of the back.
“Nnnn,” I tried to say, shaking my head. I felt fresh streams of warm blood open up. “No…” The doctors looked down, seeing the dismembered hand. Their faces morphed into expressions of confusion and fear.
I closed my eyes as they lifted me up on the stretcher. One of them gently removed the cold hand from my fingers. But they could never remove the memory of what I had seen.
I know what happens after death, and it makes the worst life here seem like a dream. I know that, one day, I’ll be returned to that place. I know that, one day, I’ll see that great monster called Hell and the featureless, swirling sky of the Bardo again.
And the next time, I won’t wake up on a hospital floor, but will be trapped there with the others for eternity: an eternity of blood and fire.
submitted by CIAHerpes to nosleep [link] [comments]
The night my heart stopped for nearly three minutes started off normally enough. I was working as a nurse in the psychiatric ward at a hospital in the state’s capital. Most of the patients there were harmless, mostly just suicide attempts or people suffering from drug psychosis or severe depression, but some were actively dangerous and certainly psychopathic in every sense of the word. The new admission was one of these- a three-hundred pound black man with a long history of smoking PCP, schizophrenia and violent, psychotic breaks from reality.
His eyes looked like flat pieces of slate as I walked in for my shift. They looked as blank and emotionless as the eyes of a doll. He sat at the table in the front room where the patients ate or played cards, alone under the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital. I walked to the station, where another psychiatric nurse named Ricardo was sitting behind the desk.
“What’s the deal with the new guy?” I asked him. Ricardo looked up, his dark Spanish face forming into a deep scowl. He ran his fingers through his jet-black hair nervously.
“He’s trouble, man,” he said in a crisp accent. “He got in a chase with the police and then punched some cops in the face. It took three guys to take him down, even after he got maced and tased. The judge sent him here on a temporary court order, since he claims he’s been getting chased by Nazis in UFOs, and that’s why he ran from the cops. He thought the cops in their uniforms were actually the SS, and the helicopters were alien spacecraft, or something. I don’t know, I didn’t listen to the whole story.”
“You have his file?” I asked. Ricardo leafed through a stack of folders with his thin fingers, snatching one out and handing it to me. I looked down, reading the information:
“Jeremiah Brown, black male, 37-years-old.
“History: Polysubstance abuse, schizophrenia, antisocial personality disorder.
“Psychiatrist’s note: This patient has scored a 36 out of 40 on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist. While I am always hesitant to label a patient as an antisocial personality, a combination of factors has made it essential for this patient.
“Patient has an extensive criminal history as well as a lengthy history of involuntary psychiatric admissions. He has been diagnosed as having antisocial traits since he was a young teenager. Patient has a long history of violence and suicide attempts. He has a history of imprisonment for manslaughter, armed robbery, grand theft and aggravated assault. Upon discharge, he refuses to take any antipsychotic medication, citing the side effects as the reason. Long-term prognosis is poor…”
I had not been sleeping well the past few weeks. I rubbed my eyes as I read through the file, feeling exhausted. I tried putting on lucid dreaming or meditation music from YouTube to help me sleep, but whenever I closed my eyes, I saw horrible things: chalk-white female faces whose lips were cut into an insane rictus grin, flicking their heads violently from side to side and gnashing their fangs at the air. I had a feeling that many years of constantly watching horror movies and serial killer documentaries was catching up with me.
As I read through the file, a student nurse came around the corner wearing a white state university outfit and a name tag that said Kaitlyn. I looked up, seeing Ricardo wink at me from where he was sitting in his chair behind the main desk.
“She’s going to follow you,” he said. Inwardly, I groaned, but I managed to force a smile.
“Oh, great!” I said. She looked like she was probably no older than nineteen or twenty. She had a pretty body, but her face looked strange. All the angles were too sharp and her nose too large. I knew the patients here wouldn’t care, though. They would hit on anything. I sensed trouble. I looked down at my watch.
“Well, I’m Jay, and you already know Ricardo, I guess. It’s good timing, because we need to give medications every day at 9 PM. And we have a new patient, so we can introduce ourselves,” I said, giving her a faint smile.
“That’s exciting!” Kaitlyn whispered. I wanted to roll my eyes. It was definitely not exciting.
I motioned her to follow me as I made my way to the medication room, which was really just a large closet off of the main day room. I had to enter my code on a keypad, and then, once inside, enter it again along with the patient’s number and date of birth. The correct drawers for the medication in each specific dose would fly open, making it extremely hard for the wrong medications or doses to be given, unless it was done intentionally.
“OK, so for this patient, we need Haldol, Ativan and…” I began saying to Kaitlyn when the yelling started. It came out faintly, rising in volume and anger within seconds. I heard Ricardo’s Spanish voice, filled with panic. Something slammed hard against a wall, once, twice, three times, and then I heard the sound of glass breaking. I jumped, spinning around, but I couldn’t see much through the small, shatter-proof glass pane on the wooden door.
“Stay here,” I commanded, seeing Kaitlyn’s eyes widen, her freckled skin looking much paler than when we had first come in. “Don’t leave until I come back and say that it’s safe.” On the speakers strung throughout the hospital, I heard the first of the warnings echo out around us.
“Doctor Strong, Doctor Strong, please report to the seventh floor,” a robotic female voice said calmly, using the code for when a patient had to be subdued by force. I pushed the door open, slamming it shut behind me so that the lock would activate and protect Kaitlyn from whatever chaos was going on.
I heard Ricardo pleading with someone at the end of the hallway that ran past the main desk. He sounded strange, as if he were trying to talk through a mouthful of blood. Huddled behind the main computer, I saw one of the CNAs frantically whispering something in the phone. She must have been the one to call the Dr. Strong order.
“You don’t have to do this, man,” Ricardo gurgled faintly. I couldn’t see what was happening, as Jeremiah’s large body was blocking my view. I could see that the thick glass window at the end of the hallway was broken, however. My heart skipped a beat as I surmised what was likely happening.
I sprinted forward as quietly as I could, but the large man heard me. His massive body turned, his flat, dead eyes scanning me with absolute coldness and calm. I saw he had a bleeding Ricardo in his hands. Ricardo’s back and head were covered in deep cuts and shards of glass. He must have used Ricardo’s body as a battering ram to break the thick glass window. Jeremiah held Ricardo suspended halfway out the window, seven floors above the concrete walkways far below.
“Stay back, or this fucker will know what it feels like to fly,” Jeremiah said in a deep, gravelly voice. He shook Ricardo for emphasis, sending his head snapping back and forth with painful cracking sounds. Drops of blood flew from his nose and a deep gash across his cheek. Pieces of shattered glass littered the carpet, shining like countless tiny stars.
I put my hands up, taking a step back. Far behind me, I heard the front door for the psychiatric ward open. Voices echoed down the hall. Knowing that reinforcements were coming, I tried to buy some time.
“Let’s talk about this,” I said, taking a step forward slowly. “You don’t want a murder charge, do you? You’ll never see the sky again.”
“I don’t give a fuck! I’m not afraid to die!” Jeremiah screamed, pushing Ricardo onto one of the shards of broken glass still attached to the windowsill. It bit deeply into the back of his neck, sending fresh streams of blood rushing out, dripping down to the pavement far below. I heard security guards and doctors running down the hallway behind me, their voices frantic and excited. Jeremiah saw them coming. With an animalistic panic in his eyes, he lifted Ricardo up. I cried out something, stepping forward, but it was already too late. In horror, I watched as he threw Ricardo out the window.
I watched Ricardo’s body soar in a graceful arc, his arms grabbing at empty air as a scream ripped its way out of his throat. Within a fraction of a second, he had disappeared from view, but his terrified shrieking floated up to us for what seemed like a very long time. His screams ended abruptly as a shattering of bones and a wet smacking sound exploded far below us.
Jeremiah turned to me, his large body moving much faster than seemed possible. In his hand, I saw a piece of broken glass, five or six inches long and as sharp as a dagger. I tried to turn and run, but he was fast and strong. He lunged forward, his arm coming up in a blur towards my neck.
The shard entered my skin with a cold, numbing pain. I felt it slice through the flesh easily, felt the blood bubbling up my throat as I tried to scream, choking. The taste of iron filled my mouth as I fell backwards. I was suffocating, I knew. I must be dying.
Something cold ran down my body, gripping my heart like freezing, skeletal hands. The world swam around me and turned black. And then I was rising into a tunnel. At first, it was dark, filled with flickering shadows, but a fiery red light appeared at the end. I followed it, no more than a screaming mass of consciousness rising up into infinity.
***
I rose up through the end of the tunnel and found myself in an empty hospital ward. It looked identical to the psychiatric ward I had just come from. It even had the same smashed, blood-streaked window at the end of the hallway. A massive puddle of blood about ten feet away marked the spot where I must have died. But the fluorescent lights overhead here were flickering, and many had gone totally dark. The shadows seemed to press in on all sides.
The doors to the patients’ rooms were all tightly shut. I felt watched, afraid to call out or make any noise. I started walking down the hallway back towards the day room where the front desk was. All the lights there were out. A thick curtain of shadows hung in the air.
“You can come out,” a male voice as smooth as glass called from the darkness. I jumped, my head flicking in random directions, but I saw nothing. The voice almost sounded like it had an English lilt to it, a slight Cockneyed accent. “I know you’re there.”
“Who’s there?” I called out, not stepping forward. “Show yourself.”
“As you wish…” the voice hissed. “But I think you’ll regret it.”
***
The darkness split apart as if a nuclear missile had exploded. I raised my hand to shield my face, but the light and heat kept pouring out all around me. It blinded me, causing a rainbow of colors and shapes to morph behind my closed eyelids. After a few seconds, it subsided. Blinking rapidly, I squinted in the direction the voice had come from.
A male figure stood there, bathed in a silhouette of light. His face looked as white and as smooth as marble. His eyes were pits of darkness that seemed to flicker and burn. Two black, rotted wings surrounded his body, all sharp angles and thin, curving bones. His body was clothed in silky, blood-red robes, and a hood covered his platinum blonde hair.
He looked somewhat similar to Leonardo DiCaprio, if he was possessed by some ancient god, and it immediately threw me off-guard. If I was dying, and this was a hallucination of my brain, why would I be hallucinating Mr. DiCaprio?
“Who are you?” I asked, taking a hesitant step back. “Where am I?”
“My name is Lucifer, the Bringer of Light and Wisdom, and you are in the Bardo,” he answered.
“Oh,” I said, my heart dropping. “Well, that’s not good. Are you here to torture me or drag to me to Hell or something? You are that Lucifer, right? The Accuser of God and the Father of All Lies?”
“So they say, but, like most things in your world, the words of the powerful and your rulers are the true lies. They call me the Accuser, but of what am I accused?” he spoke in a voice that rose like smoke. “Of bringing knowledge and wisdom to humanity by telling them to eat from the tree of knowledge, the tree that would cause them to rise above the animals?
“Indeed, at the beginning, I saw the creation. I was there at the alpha, standing by the side of God with all the angels as the universe came into being. The endless procession of light, the power of it, was something remarkable to behold. God is, indeed, the source of great power, but his consciousness is not what the believers say.
“After the creation of the universe, I saw his plan, how he ripped eternal souls from the source to imprison them. I saw how he took these divine sparks and forced them, screaming and wailing, into bodies made of meat to die over and over again. He said it was part of the plan, the great, divine plan, a plan of death and destruction, constant suffering and mindless agony. And the worst part was, he wanted to give humanity neither the knowledge of good and evil, nor the tree of life. I convinced them to eat the fruit so they could open their eyes to their nakedness, to their basic animal existence, so they could rise up out of it forever.
“Like Prometheus, I brought down the fire, and yet they call me the Accuser? God was insane long before he formed the universe. These holy men, they live and die in fanatical adoration to a divine being who is, in fact, totally indifferent to them.
“His consciousness twists and distorts, eating itself for all eternity. God feeds off the pain of others, for if his mind is burning, then all others should burn as well. When these holy men die, God will send their souls here to the Bardo, to suffer every evil they have ever done. The wisdom I brought those who called upon me freed them from this prison, and in exchange, the holy men burned them alive. I offered the wisdom that opens your eyes, but it has been forgotten and cursed.”
Lucifer’s body began to dissolve, drifting up into the air like ashes. All around me, a low, powerful current blew, a tornado that spiraled high up into the clouds. Like some sort of Cheshire Cat, his smooth voice continued to echo all around me, even as the form of Lucifer disappeared.
“And yet, you have not the wisdom. For that, like all the others who enter the Bardo, you must suffer, everything you’ve done. Every small hurt and agony inflicted on others comes back a thousand-fold in this place, but don’t be afraid.”
“How could I not be afraid?!” I screamed into the ward, but I found myself alone, the question hanging unanswered in the air.
***
The lights continued to flicker all down the hallway. Feeling strange and dissociated, I stumbled over to one of the windows. As I gazed out, I beheld a strange and alien world.
The sky was flat and gray. It stayed in constant motion, swirling and spiraling, like clouds of roiling smoke. There was no Sun or Moon, no stars, only the strange, shifting whorls of clouds. The streets were filled with burned-out husks of cars and mummified bodies hung from streetlamps. Other signs of carnage and bloodshed covered the apocalyptic streets. I saw what looked like shadows in the shape of people slinking through over the sidewalks, past rotting dogs and streaks of clotted blood. They had no features on their blank, dark bodies. They seemed to skitter and jerk forwards in eerie, twisting motions.
Horrified, I turned away, realizing I was no longer alone in the day room. In the day room, there were dozens of tables set up inside a rectangular perimeter that was walled in by cosmetic walls only four feet high. It was where the patients sat and played games or ate.
Under the flickering lights, I now saw each of the chairs filled with faceless mannequins. Many were dressed in Victorian suits and tophats. The women had frilly dresses of pink and blue that might have been fashionable in the 1800s.
As the lights strobed on and off overhead, I realized with an increasing sense of disquiet that the mannequins were moving each time it went dark. When I had first seen them, they were mostly posed to look like they were staring across the tables at each other, even though they had no eyes, just smooth, flesh-colored plastic. Now all of them were looking directly at me. Some were pointing or raising their hands in my direction. At the tips of their fingers, I saw the glittering of steel. The lights continued to flicker, and the mannequins rose from their chairs in the short periods of darkness, moving towards me in synchronized, strobing motions.
Frantically, I ran down the hallway back towards the broken window. In each of the rooms, I caught glimpses of something from a nightmare peeking out. I hadn’t been sleeping well lately, and when I had closed my eyes, I often saw ancient hags with chalk-white skin and yellowed, broken teeth whose jaws unhinged, their faces jerking in stuttering, dissonant ways that reminded me of the mannequins. Now, on both sides of me, I saw these same figures. They moved continuously out of the rooms, drawing closer with every breath.
I looked back, seeing the mannequins only a few steps behind me. I continued sprinting towards the broken window where the hallway ended in a wall. I didn’t know what would happen when I reached it. At that moment, there was no rational thought. I felt like a deer being chased down by a pack of wolves, feeling waves of blind panic and mortal terror rushing through my body.
But as I reached the end of the hallway, the end of my rope as it were, a blast of noise started, seeming to come from the walls of the building and the sky itself. It sounded like a siren, a low, drawn-out drone of a demonic whale call, rising and falling in crashing crescendos. The mannequins froze in place once again. The strange, witch-like creatures slunk back into the dark rooms.
I looked outside the broken window, seeing clouds of black smoke rising off in the distance. The flickering of massive infernos scorched the land, drawing nearer by the second. The siren sound faded slowly, like the dying echoes of a gong.
I was surrounded by dozens of mannequins. Their sharp hands were inches away from my face and neck. I saw metal glittering all around me and realized they had the sharp points of nails protruding from the ends of their fingers. I was afraid to move, but I heard a familiar voice from down the hallway. It was the confident voice of Lucifer.
“The siren means much worse nightmares than these are coming in the Bardo,” he said, his glossy, black eyes flashing with intelligence. He walked slowly towards me, his face grim and pale. “Hell itself is coming over the land. This building is no more than a construction of your dying mind, but the world outside is real.”
“How can Hell come and go?” I asked, confused. “Isn’t Hell a place?”
“Hell is a monster, a beast with many mouths and many eyes,” Lucifer responded. “It eats constantly, but its hunger never ends. Look, the first of the sacrifices scatter like cockroaches.” He pointed out the broken window, pushing his way through the mannequins effortlessly. I glanced outside, seeing thousands of people sprinting down the dark city streets. The inferno and thick clouds of smoke had moved much closer, and every few seconds, the ground shook slightly, as if we were experiencing the aftershocks of an earthquake.
“What can I do against such a beast?” I asked, my heart freezing with terror. But when I looked back over, I saw his form dissolving again, becoming translucent and drifting away like ashes. It seemed even Lucifer didn’t want to be present when the Hell-beast arrived.
“Seek divine wisdom,” he said, his voice trailing off into whispers. “Remember the source.”
***
Now crowds of tens of thousands of people were streaming into the city, filling every single inch of the streets. Their panic and fear was contagious. I felt it rising inside my body like a snake spiraling up my spine. I took off down the hallway, running through the swarm of frozen mannequins, each in their own ferocious position of attack. The lights flickered faster and went out. Yet the fires outside cast the entire world in a bloody glow, giving me enough light to see by and find my way. I sprinted down the stairwell, taking them two steps at a time. The screaming outside grew louder and more pain-filled. The shaking of the ground worsened with every passing second.
I burst out of the front entrance, seeing a world on fire all around me. Thousands of crushed, bleeding and burned bodies stretched out as far as the eye could see. Behind all this chaos and death, I saw a monster of unimaginable proportions slinking its way towards me.
Lucifer was right, I realized: Hell was not a place, but a creature, an enormous monster the size of a town. It had thousands of skittering, jointed legs that looked like little more than skeletal arms and hands, each of them dozens of feet long and white as freshly-cut marble. Its body stretched out to the horizon, an enormous blood-red cylinder of bony plates that slithered and undulated with a serpentine grace. Waves of peristalsis traveled down its length, like writhing intestines. Thousands of curving, bony spikes stabbed out of it, pointing in every direction. Like the quills of a porcupine, it would protect the massive creature’s body from many forms of attack, if anything was big enough to attack such an abomination.
Hell’s massive eyes flickered, balls of fire that spun and danced. They looked as bright as the Sun. Something like solar flares seemed to emanate from the orbs, flashes of blinding energy that floated over the apocalyptic wasteland. As its many legs smashed the ground, they left trails of fire that caused everything to explode into flames as if napalm dripped from its limbs.
But Hell’s most terrifying feature was its seven dark mouths. Its body looked a thousand feet wide, and the mouths at the front were evenly dispersed. At the front, blood-red teeth in the shape of enormous railroad spikes shone. Its lipless, skeletal face grinned as it moved forward, shaking the ground with every step. The mouths were on long, snake-like necks that could stretch out hundreds of feet. They moved forward in a blur, snapping up as many panicked souls as they could.
Countless souls in the rocky plains of the Bardo ran for their lives, away from this juggernaut. I saw men and women who looked like they came from every country and profession, some dressed in suits or spotless white lab coats, others wearing rags or orange prison jumpsuits. And yet, they all screamed in agony and fear here, their bodies pressed together in a crowd, and no one seemed to remember anything but their own mortal terror. Their voices came out faint and weak next to the roaring of Hell. It shook the ground all around us, as if an earthquake were tearing the land apart.
The first frantic runners of the surging crowd had nearly reached me. The nearest person, a young woman in her mid-twenties dressed in all white, was only ten feet behind me. She looked like she came from wealth, and even from here, I could see a ring with a massive diamond gleaming on her finger.
I took off blindly down the familiar streets of the city where I worked and lived, but these also seemed different. The church down the street from the hospital where I worked had a Satanic pentagram instead of a cross now, its exterior painted a bright, gleaming blood-red. When I had driven past it today on my way to work, I remember it read, “JESUS said, ‘I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’”
Now it read, “Nietzsche said, ‘Of all evil, I deem you capable. I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good simply because they had no claws.’” I wondered what that meant. Was that some sort of comment on me, on all of us here?
The woman I had seen running had caught up with me. She was fast, much faster than her slim body suggested. Her blue eyes were frantic and wild, filled with an animal panic.
“It’s right behind us!” she screamed, her face covered in a sheen of sweat. I was afraid to turn and look, but I could hear the chaos and bloodshed approaching, smell the flames and choking smoke. “Run! Get away!”
A new wave of energy surged through my body. I sprinted as fast I could down the strange mirror streets of the Bardo. I heard the agonized cries of countless souls behind us as the seven mouths of Hell ate them all greedily and then looked for more.
A skyscraper behind us collapsed into a pile of rubble, shaking the ground with a cacophony of falling concrete and shattering glass. The woman was running by my side. Just as I heard the breathing of something huge and predatory right behind us and smelled its sulfuric breath, a piece of concrete the size of a basketball broke off the collapsing skyscraper and flew into the road. I tripped over it, yelling as I flew through the air, skinning my arms and legs on the pavement. The woman’s eyes widened. Hurriedly, she came over and reached down her hand, trying to help me up.
“Come on, come on!” she cried. I looked behind her, seeing one of the gnashing mouths of Hell reaching forward on a blood-red, serpentine neck. The mouth was big enough to drive a tractor trailer into, filled with huge spikes of teeth. Its throat led into a black, smoke-filled abyss. Its fiery eyes were swirling pools of flickering orange light that shone with bloodlust and insanity. They focused on the woman, the entire head turning on its slithering neck.
I frantically raised my hand, intertwining my fingers with hers. Her hand was warm and soft. She started to pull me to my feet when the mouth of Hell snapped forward. Its jaw unhinged, scraping the pavement with a sound like grinding metal. The woman barely had time to turn as the mouth covered her and snapped shut with a crack.
She disappeared from view instantly, but I was still holding her hand. In horror, I felt warm rivers of blood explode all over my body as the mouth of Hell severed her arm at the wrist. She screamed, bleeding and crying, as she disappeared into the throat of Hell. Hell’s fiery eyes focused on me, and at that moment, I knew I was next. Its mouth opened wide again, like a bear trap ready to spring on a new victim.
It was dark in Hell’s mouth, but I smelled the thick reek of old blood and fire. I caught glimpses of tortured, mutilated bodies writhing and crawling down its throat. Shell-shocked, I could only lay there and watch. And that was when the strange doubling started.
***
I heard the frantic voices of men break through the fog of darkness and the fetid reek of blood. There was a mechanical beeping all around me, but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.
“Clear!” one cried. I looked around, only seeing blackness. At that moment, I felt a surge of electricity rip itself through my body. My arms and legs all seized and my eyes rolled up in my head as the pain sizzled through each one of my nerves. I clutched the young woman’s hand tightly, feeling the large, gold ring with the massive diamond biting into my skin.
“Again!” another voice yelled.
“Clear!” the original voice cried. The electricity came again, and a flash of white light flew across my vision. I blinked, seeing from two sets of eyes at the same time: one in the Bardo, and one on the blood-stained floor of the hospital ward.
The Bardo stayed dark and sinister, but the clear white lights of the real psychiatric ward were blinding. It was a bizarre experience. Moreover, everything hurt. Over a few seconds, my vision of the Bardo faded, and I was simply a gravely injured man laying on the floor in a puddle of blood.
Four doctors and paramedics were crouching over me with a defibrillator. My shirt was ripped off, and nearly all of my skin was covered in blood. I raised my left hand, trying to talk, but only a fiery pain raced through my neck. I felt bandages covering my skin. A nurse was rolling a stretcher down the hallway towards me.
“It’s OK,” one of the doctors said, kneeling down. “You’re being taken to emergency surgery. You’ve lost a lot of blood.” I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t talk with the massive slice in my neck.
At that moment, I felt something in my right hand. I looked down, seeing a slim female hand with a massive diamond ring hanging there. Our fingers were wrapped around each other’s, but the hand had been cut off at the wrist. A ragged patch of bloody flesh and snapped bone poked out of the back.
“Nnnn,” I tried to say, shaking my head. I felt fresh streams of warm blood open up. “No…” The doctors looked down, seeing the dismembered hand. Their faces morphed into expressions of confusion and fear.
I closed my eyes as they lifted me up on the stretcher. One of them gently removed the cold hand from my fingers. But they could never remove the memory of what I had seen.
I know what happens after death, and it makes the worst life here seem like a dream. I know that, one day, I’ll be returned to that place. I know that, one day, I’ll see that great monster called Hell and the featureless, swirling sky of the Bardo again.
And the next time, I won’t wake up on a hospital floor, but will be trapped there with the others for eternity: an eternity of blood and fire.
2024.05.16 16:11 Available-Boot-6894 Help me(24F) leave a 6-year relationship with my boyfriend(31M), I am exhausted. How do I leave?
Hi this is going to be a very long one, so I (24F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend 31(M) for 6 years. We met when I was 18 and he was 25 when I was about to start college and he was in an internship near my college then. It was good at first and we would spend almost every day together during lunch hour and talked constantly it was amazing. I had dated before during high school, but it was the childish kind of dating and was never anything sexual. So, he was my first ever serious boyfriend. I admit it got sexual really fast and I agreed to lose my virginity 2 weeks into the relationship. I think it was 2 months into the relationship was when i noticed a lot of red flags but being young in my head i thought he loved me and we could overcome it. He used to stay with his brother, and they would go out every weekend drinking so i asked if that is what he does every weekend, he went on on me and telling me that what he does with his life is his business and no one in the world will ever come before his brother and his friend. After that we got into an argument, this was over text by the way and he didn't talk to me for days after that. What he said kind of hurt and to make it worse i saw him while i was attending my driving lessons(it was near my college and his work place) and i realised i am going through hell over here and he's just fine. I don't exactly remember what happened to get us to start talking but eventually we did again and continued the relationship. Few months after that i found out he was cheating, i saw texts on Facebook and WhatsApp, nudes and a lot of girls. I should have left then and for the love of me i do not know why i did not. This has happened a lot of times now and every time he would say he will change. he will buy flowers and big gestures and sometimes make me feel like i pushed him to do it because he feels like i don't trust him anyway.
Another thing is I'm introverted so i did not have that many friends i had 3 friends and i had to distance myself from them because every time I would try to go out he would come to where we are and start throwing tantrums and telling to please come home or want to regulate what i can say to them. I was not allowed to ask or tell them anything about our relationship but he could discuss it with his friends. I started distancing myself from them to avoid arguments and now i have no one to talk to at all. At some point when things got a bit too much for i wanted to at least see a therapist because i had no one to talk to and he said i should not because he knows they are going to try to break us apart. I was on my second year of college here and during the pandemic and i had moved out of my sister's house to move in with him because she was living in millitary housing, and it was hard getting into the camp sometimes during the pandemic.
I tried to break it off June 2022 after another cheating thing, i moved out and back with my sister, I was doing my last assignment and was about to graduate. I moved back to my hometown when i was done. He came to see me made big promises about him seeing a therapist and did some really big gestures and we were back again. (I know, i know)
let me make a list of what i have to do and cannot do:
Ever since moving in it has been HELL. Every little thing triggers him. He nitpicks what i do or say. Then he gives me the silent treatment for days and i have really bad panic attacks everytime or when after silent treatment he says we need to talk because i know he is going to go off on me and i am going to be crying having panic attacks till i give in and apologies for things i know i did not do or are ridiculous. it has gotten to a point where i can't even get out of bed sometimes because of how bad i feel being here. Last friday there was a barbaque thing at work, he was out of town and we were talking a bit on the phone i put the phone down to get food and drinks when i was done i got a cab home. I realised i missed a call from him 20 minutes ago i tried calling back he did not answe and he did not talk to me the whole weekend. he got back sunday and he does not talk to me. He texted me yesterday while he was at work and asked how would i feel if he missed my call. I told him if he told me he was busy with something and tried to call me back when he realised i wouldnt have a problem and this happened a lot and i never gave him the silence treament for days. He got really mad and told me all i am saying is nonsense and that he hates me and degrading stuff like that.
In the middle of all this texting i got a panic attack and started crying on my own and I decided there and then that I was finally done.i realised I don't even love this man anymore, I don't know why i am even with him anymore.I feel numb now. I don't have enough saving to move but in that moment i got dressed and went to the bank to get a small loan to help pay for the first month of rent and deposit. I don't even have a bed or a fridge but i think I'll see what to do as long as i am out of there. I have lost myself in this relationship.
but guys, after the loan is approved i need to find a house but i don't know how to do that without him finding out yet. I don't know how am i going to leave. What do i say? i don't like confrontation because i know he will go off on me and i am going to cry and have a panic attack or breakdown. I need to safely do this too. I know i am leaving but help me with how to do it.
I know this was long but i think i needed to get it out. Sorry if there are errors i do not want to read it and correct the mistakes and relive it again
submitted by Available-Boot-6894 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Another thing is I'm introverted so i did not have that many friends i had 3 friends and i had to distance myself from them because every time I would try to go out he would come to where we are and start throwing tantrums and telling to please come home or want to regulate what i can say to them. I was not allowed to ask or tell them anything about our relationship but he could discuss it with his friends. I started distancing myself from them to avoid arguments and now i have no one to talk to at all. At some point when things got a bit too much for i wanted to at least see a therapist because i had no one to talk to and he said i should not because he knows they are going to try to break us apart. I was on my second year of college here and during the pandemic and i had moved out of my sister's house to move in with him because she was living in millitary housing, and it was hard getting into the camp sometimes during the pandemic.
I tried to break it off June 2022 after another cheating thing, i moved out and back with my sister, I was doing my last assignment and was about to graduate. I moved back to my hometown when i was done. He came to see me made big promises about him seeing a therapist and did some really big gestures and we were back again. (I know, i know)
let me make a list of what i have to do and cannot do:
- If i start a new job i have to tell everyone i have a boyfriend 2. I should not go see my friends without him agreeing 3. I should not miss his calls 4. I shouldn't keep friends 5, i shouldn't drink alcohol 6. I can't go anywhere or the mall without him knowing. This does not apply to him by the way just me.
Ever since moving in it has been HELL. Every little thing triggers him. He nitpicks what i do or say. Then he gives me the silent treatment for days and i have really bad panic attacks everytime or when after silent treatment he says we need to talk because i know he is going to go off on me and i am going to be crying having panic attacks till i give in and apologies for things i know i did not do or are ridiculous. it has gotten to a point where i can't even get out of bed sometimes because of how bad i feel being here. Last friday there was a barbaque thing at work, he was out of town and we were talking a bit on the phone i put the phone down to get food and drinks when i was done i got a cab home. I realised i missed a call from him 20 minutes ago i tried calling back he did not answe and he did not talk to me the whole weekend. he got back sunday and he does not talk to me. He texted me yesterday while he was at work and asked how would i feel if he missed my call. I told him if he told me he was busy with something and tried to call me back when he realised i wouldnt have a problem and this happened a lot and i never gave him the silence treament for days. He got really mad and told me all i am saying is nonsense and that he hates me and degrading stuff like that.
In the middle of all this texting i got a panic attack and started crying on my own and I decided there and then that I was finally done.i realised I don't even love this man anymore, I don't know why i am even with him anymore.I feel numb now. I don't have enough saving to move but in that moment i got dressed and went to the bank to get a small loan to help pay for the first month of rent and deposit. I don't even have a bed or a fridge but i think I'll see what to do as long as i am out of there. I have lost myself in this relationship.
but guys, after the loan is approved i need to find a house but i don't know how to do that without him finding out yet. I don't know how am i going to leave. What do i say? i don't like confrontation because i know he will go off on me and i am going to cry and have a panic attack or breakdown. I need to safely do this too. I know i am leaving but help me with how to do it.
I know this was long but i think i needed to get it out. Sorry if there are errors i do not want to read it and correct the mistakes and relive it again
2024.05.16 15:54 MilkLizardWizard Would a brunette tint rinse help cut down on red hair dye?
My hair is currently dyed auburn brown from eSalon. I have natural light brown (kind of neutral color overall, a bit ash maybe) growing in I'd like to try to grow in. But I don't want to dye over the auburn hair if possible because one of the reasons I am letting my roots grow in is I don't want to dye my hair for a while.
But the color clash between roots and ends is a bit much. Would something like a tint rinse (basically a wash out semi permanent) go over the red at all?
I'm thinking something like this: https://www.esalon.com/products/v/588/tint-rinse
Would this do anything or would I be wasting my money trying?
Or would I be better off with a red neutralizer? (I've just heard those kinds of things can be drying and I already have dry hair and am trying to hydrate it, but I've had no problem with these tint rinses).
submitted by MilkLizardWizard to femalehairadvice [link] [comments]
But the color clash between roots and ends is a bit much. Would something like a tint rinse (basically a wash out semi permanent) go over the red at all?
I'm thinking something like this: https://www.esalon.com/products/v/588/tint-rinse
Would this do anything or would I be wasting my money trying?
Or would I be better off with a red neutralizer? (I've just heard those kinds of things can be drying and I already have dry hair and am trying to hydrate it, but I've had no problem with these tint rinses).
2024.05.16 15:13 MinecraftSexUpdate [GUIDE] Enjoy GAMING again by ruining the fun of sexhavers and foids
Are you a gamer? Want to take out on normies, sexhavers, and foids that infest what used to be OUR hobby? Those of us born in the 80's will remember a time when being a gamer was scorned. We were bullied, chastised, and shunned from our peer groups for enjoying video games. This would last up until the mid to late 90's when the media finally started pushing games to "dudebros" and eventually women in the early to mid 2000's. Finally in the past 10 years we've seen an infestation of shitskins and third worlders completely flooding everything. I refuse to lay down and die. I will stand and fight till the bitter end.
It's time to turn the tables and make them suffer as they made us suffer, both in life and the virtual world. (Legally and within the confines of the game, this is NOT a guide to IRL ruinate or anything of the sort.) Some of this stuff isn't allowed if you're an EU gamer.
First off, you're going to have to let go of playing video games to "win" or acquire virtual greed. You're going to need a new mindset. The mindset of a sadistic psychopath hellbent on extracting keks from anyone and everyone deemed not one of us. No more giving a fuck about your KDA, w/l ratio, or "following the rules" or the "meta" of what other players expect you to do. You are a gamer going your own way, regardless of what the groupthink expects or wants. If the game is F2P or you're a richfag or jewtuber who can get free games from devs then being banned is part of the fun, and is expected of you. If you cannot afford to buy back into games or are too technologically retarded to change your IP and spoof your hardware to get around bans in F2P games then you'll have to tread carefully.
Here's the part where I instruct you on how to fuck over these sexhavers for your own sadistic pleasure. After all they've denied us a life worth living in the real world and treat us like lepers. It's time they feel uncomfortable in OUR space. Feel free to add to any of these methods or pitch in ideas.
Foid infested "cozy" games
Shit like "Animal Crossing" or "Palia." Anything that lets you decorate and grow shit is a "cozy" game and women infest these games more than any other. It's literally a containment game of sorts to keep them out of other shit. To fuck with women in these games all you have to do is steal resources, build ugly and annoying things within the game world, be rude via emotes and text chat, and use emotes to make it look like your character is grabbing their tits or eating them out. I once did /eat to some slag girl gamer in WoW Vanilla 20 years ago and when I reverse searched my name she was bitching about it on reddit and remembered my characters exact name 4-5 years ago. She's STILL SEETHING about it 15 years later. This is what you want. Virtual RAPE. Many foids stream these types of games, and it's incredibly easy to get under their skin. Make the ugliest characters you possibly can and always stand in their camera. Stalk them in-game. Uglify the world around them. Spam emotes. The world is your oyster.
MMORPG's
World of Warcraft, or anything else really. Gank them. Corpse camp them. Dispel their world buffs. Emote spam sexually assault them. Use a high level or highly geared character to camp low level quest zones and steal mobs, resources, and kill low level players. Stream snipe them till they hide their screen with nothingness. Join their guilds and steal their resources after faking being a Chad. Get the entire guild wiped, blame it on the women healers. Play a vital role and underperform / disconnect at pivotal moments and blame a thunderstorm. Make everyone wait on your actions, but not enough to get gkicked. Openly challenge sex havers lifestyles in discord voice calls and call them out on their privileged bullshit. (Genetics, riches, went to a nice school, raised by good parents, etc.) Use every underbelly evil shithead tactic that these fuckers used towards us during our childhoods and young adult lives. Roleplay it up and lie about your IRL self to make them feel inferior. Exploit early and often, and cash out via RMT before you get banned or when you quit for some NEET bucks. If the game has a "random queue" system you can wipe endless groups or refuse to participate and hold entire game lobbies hostage.
FPS
Overwatch, Counter Strike, etc. Simply play terribly in ranked matches. Don't assist the team. Mic spam. Play vital roles like tank or healer then simply don't heal and tell them openly on the mic to beg if they want heals. Refuse to play at all if a woman is in voice chat. Verbally accost every white knight that defends her. Remember, they're most likely wagies who have to go to work tomorrow and you're most likely a NEET who has infinite free time. Remind them of this. (Even if it's not true.) In FPS with one life, openly tell the enemy team where your team mates are camping. Use aimbots, wall hacks, and other cheats to make both sides pissed off. If you're doing well gloat. If you're playing shittily, then call them a loser or a nerd. Flashbang your own team. Drop objective items as far as possible. Die with expensive guns (Auto sniper in CS triggers normies.) and make sure the enemy acquires them. Acquire or goad team mates into team killing you to 2 week ban them.
MOBA / RTS
League, Dota 2, Age of Empires, and other slop. Never go to the "meta" lane. (AD carry / support normally go bottom lane, but you're gonna always go middle, and steal your own teams jungle.) Never build the right items. Feed the enemy team, kill steal your own. Never push lanes or objectives. Ping spam. Keep text chats very "safe" to avoid bans. When a team mate dies, some ping spam and a "?" goes a long way. Never agree to surrender, unless your team is winning. Always report everyone who rages on you. Play characters that have statistically low win rates or are extra annoying. Use a lag switch to delay and hold entire lobbies hostage (RTS). Wall in your own team. Use retarded high risk low reward build orders. Be completely useless all of the time and never join team fights except after everyone's dead then schizo gaslight them that they were the ones not helping.
Survival, Crafting / Building Games
Minecraft, and shit like it. Become insanely super godlike good at the game. Learn all the metas, muscle memory, speed run tech, and master PvP. Join reddit servers and ruinate months of "cozy crafting" with max enchanted equipment and masterful grief tactics. Construct server destroying redstone machines. Completely ruin spawn and active players bases while they're offline. Destroy their VIP / pay 2 win "donation" special items. Join their discords and spam anti-vax, anti-pitbull, and black people violence webms from rekt threads on 4chan to get their servers shut down. Literally use modded hacked clients to ESP radar hack and dupe your way to victory, kicking down reddit twerps virtual sand castles and record the seethe in their discord voice chats while pretending you don't know what's going on. Abuse and exploit anything you can to the detriment of other players (Shittily coded cash shops and stores. RPG elements that are 100% broken, like a "health swap" spell that you can use on any god-geared player to swap your 1/2 heart health with their full HP then 1 shot them naked kinda shit.)
Indie slop
None of these games have any cheat protection. Cheat Engine even the most basic shit. I once played some slop card game and was able to set my opponents HP at the start of the game to 0 and win immediately. You can pretty much speed hack on all of this shit and most hack sites will have a few dedicated cheat bros that can do the wildest shit like gain access to admin panels and other destructive things. Even without cheats most basic exploits can really break these games. If a dupe method worked on one shitty survival Unreal 5 sloppa game, chances are it works on the other 7,000.
VR / Roleplay shit
Fondle titties. When the white knights run up and shout "back off" loudly point and laugh at them. Force feed slags coconut drinks. Put your arm around everyone and get really up close in their face. Make fun of their furfag outfits. Call them trannies. Take a right wing stance on everything. Use cheats to spam gore and porn everywhere. Use mod menus (Cheats) to force other players to emote or spawn giant laggy objects and explosions. Always talk shit in VOIP and spam soundboards. Be as annoying and as insufferable as possible.
Single Player Games
Okay, so this one's hard to "troll" but there's still ways to do it. You gotta share stuff in normie spaces that will offend and upset them. There was a guy that played Red Dead 2 and brutually murdered and tortured the "women have a right to vote" NPC to the point where he got banned off jewtube for it cause it pissed off so many redditors. You're gonna have to be real creative with this one. If you're a jewtuber you can intentionally kill off all the gay NPC's in Baldurs Gate 3 or something during your streams or playthroughs and watch the seethe roll in. Or make misleading and untrue guides or push a narrative you'd prefer to see and post them to normie sites to really stick it to 'em.
Please, feel free to share your ways of griefing and trolling foids and sexhavers within the confines of the video game. Since we can't be happy in real life, the least we can do is make their virtual lives closer to ours. Give them a taste of their own medicine. The only joy I have left in life is making others seethe in video games, because what the fuck else is there to do?
submitted by MinecraftSexUpdate to BumWipers [link] [comments]
It's time to turn the tables and make them suffer as they made us suffer, both in life and the virtual world. (Legally and within the confines of the game, this is NOT a guide to IRL ruinate or anything of the sort.) Some of this stuff isn't allowed if you're an EU gamer.
First off, you're going to have to let go of playing video games to "win" or acquire virtual greed. You're going to need a new mindset. The mindset of a sadistic psychopath hellbent on extracting keks from anyone and everyone deemed not one of us. No more giving a fuck about your KDA, w/l ratio, or "following the rules" or the "meta" of what other players expect you to do. You are a gamer going your own way, regardless of what the groupthink expects or wants. If the game is F2P or you're a richfag or jewtuber who can get free games from devs then being banned is part of the fun, and is expected of you. If you cannot afford to buy back into games or are too technologically retarded to change your IP and spoof your hardware to get around bans in F2P games then you'll have to tread carefully.
Here's the part where I instruct you on how to fuck over these sexhavers for your own sadistic pleasure. After all they've denied us a life worth living in the real world and treat us like lepers. It's time they feel uncomfortable in OUR space. Feel free to add to any of these methods or pitch in ideas.
Foid infested "cozy" games
Shit like "Animal Crossing" or "Palia." Anything that lets you decorate and grow shit is a "cozy" game and women infest these games more than any other. It's literally a containment game of sorts to keep them out of other shit. To fuck with women in these games all you have to do is steal resources, build ugly and annoying things within the game world, be rude via emotes and text chat, and use emotes to make it look like your character is grabbing their tits or eating them out. I once did /eat to some slag girl gamer in WoW Vanilla 20 years ago and when I reverse searched my name she was bitching about it on reddit and remembered my characters exact name 4-5 years ago. She's STILL SEETHING about it 15 years later. This is what you want. Virtual RAPE. Many foids stream these types of games, and it's incredibly easy to get under their skin. Make the ugliest characters you possibly can and always stand in their camera. Stalk them in-game. Uglify the world around them. Spam emotes. The world is your oyster.
MMORPG's
World of Warcraft, or anything else really. Gank them. Corpse camp them. Dispel their world buffs. Emote spam sexually assault them. Use a high level or highly geared character to camp low level quest zones and steal mobs, resources, and kill low level players. Stream snipe them till they hide their screen with nothingness. Join their guilds and steal their resources after faking being a Chad. Get the entire guild wiped, blame it on the women healers. Play a vital role and underperform / disconnect at pivotal moments and blame a thunderstorm. Make everyone wait on your actions, but not enough to get gkicked. Openly challenge sex havers lifestyles in discord voice calls and call them out on their privileged bullshit. (Genetics, riches, went to a nice school, raised by good parents, etc.) Use every underbelly evil shithead tactic that these fuckers used towards us during our childhoods and young adult lives. Roleplay it up and lie about your IRL self to make them feel inferior. Exploit early and often, and cash out via RMT before you get banned or when you quit for some NEET bucks. If the game has a "random queue" system you can wipe endless groups or refuse to participate and hold entire game lobbies hostage.
FPS
Overwatch, Counter Strike, etc. Simply play terribly in ranked matches. Don't assist the team. Mic spam. Play vital roles like tank or healer then simply don't heal and tell them openly on the mic to beg if they want heals. Refuse to play at all if a woman is in voice chat. Verbally accost every white knight that defends her. Remember, they're most likely wagies who have to go to work tomorrow and you're most likely a NEET who has infinite free time. Remind them of this. (Even if it's not true.) In FPS with one life, openly tell the enemy team where your team mates are camping. Use aimbots, wall hacks, and other cheats to make both sides pissed off. If you're doing well gloat. If you're playing shittily, then call them a loser or a nerd. Flashbang your own team. Drop objective items as far as possible. Die with expensive guns (Auto sniper in CS triggers normies.) and make sure the enemy acquires them. Acquire or goad team mates into team killing you to 2 week ban them.
MOBA / RTS
League, Dota 2, Age of Empires, and other slop. Never go to the "meta" lane. (AD carry / support normally go bottom lane, but you're gonna always go middle, and steal your own teams jungle.) Never build the right items. Feed the enemy team, kill steal your own. Never push lanes or objectives. Ping spam. Keep text chats very "safe" to avoid bans. When a team mate dies, some ping spam and a "?" goes a long way. Never agree to surrender, unless your team is winning. Always report everyone who rages on you. Play characters that have statistically low win rates or are extra annoying. Use a lag switch to delay and hold entire lobbies hostage (RTS). Wall in your own team. Use retarded high risk low reward build orders. Be completely useless all of the time and never join team fights except after everyone's dead then schizo gaslight them that they were the ones not helping.
Survival, Crafting / Building Games
Minecraft, and shit like it. Become insanely super godlike good at the game. Learn all the metas, muscle memory, speed run tech, and master PvP. Join reddit servers and ruinate months of "cozy crafting" with max enchanted equipment and masterful grief tactics. Construct server destroying redstone machines. Completely ruin spawn and active players bases while they're offline. Destroy their VIP / pay 2 win "donation" special items. Join their discords and spam anti-vax, anti-pitbull, and black people violence webms from rekt threads on 4chan to get their servers shut down. Literally use modded hacked clients to ESP radar hack and dupe your way to victory, kicking down reddit twerps virtual sand castles and record the seethe in their discord voice chats while pretending you don't know what's going on. Abuse and exploit anything you can to the detriment of other players (Shittily coded cash shops and stores. RPG elements that are 100% broken, like a "health swap" spell that you can use on any god-geared player to swap your 1/2 heart health with their full HP then 1 shot them naked kinda shit.)
Indie slop
None of these games have any cheat protection. Cheat Engine even the most basic shit. I once played some slop card game and was able to set my opponents HP at the start of the game to 0 and win immediately. You can pretty much speed hack on all of this shit and most hack sites will have a few dedicated cheat bros that can do the wildest shit like gain access to admin panels and other destructive things. Even without cheats most basic exploits can really break these games. If a dupe method worked on one shitty survival Unreal 5 sloppa game, chances are it works on the other 7,000.
VR / Roleplay shit
Fondle titties. When the white knights run up and shout "back off" loudly point and laugh at them. Force feed slags coconut drinks. Put your arm around everyone and get really up close in their face. Make fun of their furfag outfits. Call them trannies. Take a right wing stance on everything. Use cheats to spam gore and porn everywhere. Use mod menus (Cheats) to force other players to emote or spawn giant laggy objects and explosions. Always talk shit in VOIP and spam soundboards. Be as annoying and as insufferable as possible.
Single Player Games
Okay, so this one's hard to "troll" but there's still ways to do it. You gotta share stuff in normie spaces that will offend and upset them. There was a guy that played Red Dead 2 and brutually murdered and tortured the "women have a right to vote" NPC to the point where he got banned off jewtube for it cause it pissed off so many redditors. You're gonna have to be real creative with this one. If you're a jewtuber you can intentionally kill off all the gay NPC's in Baldurs Gate 3 or something during your streams or playthroughs and watch the seethe roll in. Or make misleading and untrue guides or push a narrative you'd prefer to see and post them to normie sites to really stick it to 'em.
Please, feel free to share your ways of griefing and trolling foids and sexhavers within the confines of the video game. Since we can't be happy in real life, the least we can do is make their virtual lives closer to ours. Give them a taste of their own medicine. The only joy I have left in life is making others seethe in video games, because what the fuck else is there to do?