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I'm giving one of my favorite book series a reread, and it's reminded me how interesting the setting of Roshar is. Also, it's been some time since I've done a long-lasting RP, so I'd love to run something in the complex and dangerous world of Roshar. Don't worry if your knowledge of the setting patchy or nonexistent as long as you're interested in a fantasy world full of mystery, politics, and magic.
About me some, you can call me Star. I'm 25, work a 9-5, and all my hobbies are the type of nerd stuff you'd expect. Fantasy, TTRPGs, Warhammer, MTG, all that jazz, haha. I'll be writing in 3rd person as I'm DMing and would prefer my partner does the same, and I generally shoot for 3 paragraph responses but that will often change as I really just write whatever needs written. Long responses to set up scenes or explain complicated scenarios, short responses for back and forth conversation, and such. I'm sure you get it. I can probably manage a few responses at work, but mostly, I'll be available between 6pm-2am EST on weekdays. Weekends are totally free for me, though.
I'm very open-ended for whatever character and story you may be interested in. It'll be something we can discuss later. I love telling people about one of my favorite book series, so if you need me to, I'll happily answer any questions you may have.
If you're interested, shoot me a DM, and we can move over to Discord to figure things out. Hope to hear from you all soon!

I've been quite sold on suffering focused ethics in the last year though I think the intuition has always been present in some form. Currently, I'm building my knowledge and will be earning to give until I figure out what is best. One thing that would be super helpful is to hear is what those with the same ethical view are doing or thinking. If a few of you could share your journey and the concrete considerations you have had to make, I will be super grateful! Even just a 5 sentence summary of your approach is helpful for consideration.
Please see below to for some questions that come to mind for me. No need to answer all if you don't have the time or aren't comfortable answering, but if you can offer advice on answering some of them and share your experiences, that would be really informative.
Questions I'm considering (not all are practical but I'm just spilling a bunch of thoughts I have)
1) Do you earn to give or directly work in some way? How did you make the decision?
2) If you do direct work, how much would you have to be able to donate annually in order to switch to earn to give? At what point does money start to exceed the value of direct work for you? How would you advise someone else in this consideration?
3) If you earn to give, what are the specific causes you give to and what percentage of donations go to each cause? What is your rationale for this breakout?
4) How valuable are existential risks/catastrophic outcomes for reducing suffering? Are these effective for those focused on suffering to work on or are S Risks better? On one hand, a stable human civilization seems necessary for ever reducing suffering (especially wild animal suffering) but extinction as an outcome eliminates a lot of problems too.
5) Have you tested personal fit in certain suffering related roles? What roles did you do this for and how did you go about doing it?
6) I rationally am convinced by arguments about S Risks and X Risks based on the information I have read. However, since I am no expert and I notice a huge portion of society (including very smart people and well meaning institutions) don't seem to prioritize these, I wonder if I am not getting the whole picture. Why is thinking about these issues so rare despite their huge comparative importance?
7) Is it even worthwhile to try to promote suffering focused ethics in a local manner to friends and such? I feel like my peers just don't seem to care that much for some reason, and I'm really confused at how thoughts that have completely changed my life don't seem to make a difference in others. Is altruism a fixed genetic trait
8) How do you do compare suffering intensity in one mind versus many instances of lesser suffering across many minds? Is it even feasible for minor injuries across many minds to equate severe suffering in one mind? For example, the suffering of a paper cut across minds is experientially felt once no matter how many minds experience the cut because each mind does not share in any other mind's experience. It is bad that multiple minds experience paper cuts from a third person universal point of view, but in the first person experience, pain exists once. I don't want to go as far as to say 2 minds experiencing paper cuts is the same as 1, but I also don't want to equate 2 paper cuts across 2 separate minds with 2 paper cuts that occur in the same mind. Going both ways leaves me with some repugnant conclusions, but perhaps it doesn't matter practically since a lot of severe suffering also exists in vast numbers (except for perhaps the most horrible instances of sadistic crime). Anyways, hopefully, this question makes sense. I think the proper term for this is value lexicality.

Sorry for the repost, something weird was going on with my account so I’m posting again because I really need advice.
I apologize in advance for how long this is going to be. So I 24F started teaching for first time last year so I’m currently in my second year. While in my first year I befriend another teacher let’s call her Patty who was also new to the school and was going to be teaching the same grade and subjects as me. Last year all was great and I learned a lot from her as she already had a year of teaching under her belt. In this school year of teaching we were still really close but a few things were different. I was more independent from her as I became more confident in who I am as a teacher and I became close with two other coworkers. One friendship just came along and another came due to us doing the same after school activity together. At the beginning of this year, all 4 of us were close. We talked everyday ate lunch together, texted in a gc the works.
Now for the weird part. One day during lunch Patty comes in late and then mid conversation gets up and leaves. Which left the three of us super confused. She later text me asking if everything was okay between us. I told her I thought all was fine but I wanted her to stop making comments that I liked our other two friends better than her because it really hurt me that she could think that of me. She apologized and everything seemed okay. The following few days Patty didn’t join us for lunch. I thought maybe she needed time and I didn’t want to push her. Time goes by and she never returns to eating lunch with us. Patty then pulls our one friend aside let’s call her Amy and ask if she hurt me in any way and she’s not sure why our relationship has changed. Amy pushed her to talk to me about it but that never happened. I honestly didn’t know why she was feeling this away because truly nothing had happened between us in my perspective. Patty never came and talked to me. Some time passes and Patty and I aren’t as close anymore but are still professional. In this time Patty gets close with her co teacher Sally. Which I found weird considering Patty made many comments about not liking Sally. I also was wary of Sally as I noticed she would change her personality depending on who she was around. Patty is very conservative so Sally would be conservative. If Sally talked with other staff who tend to be a bit more loud she would then act like them. Which I understand everyone is different depending on the friend but I personally have had bad experiences with people who do this. So I am aware of my own bias here. Either way I remain at professional length with Sally.
Fast forward to February we have a professional development day, where Patty and I go to the same building since we teach the same subject. She pulls me to the side and expresses that she’s not sure what happened between because she doesn’t feel Like she did anything to me and I did nothing to her. She states that it hurt her seeing me, Amy and our other friend match at our staff Christmas. I apologized for this and stated that it was wrong of us to match without her but I felt so awkward asking her to match because we hadn’t talked in months. We both apologized and it felt good. For the rest of the day Patty seemed like her old self but she had made a couple comments about our principal that made me feel weird. She stated that she wasn’t sure how she felt about our new principal who used to be our old VP. That she doesn’t feel like she makes the school feel like a family like our old principal. I would like to say that Patty and our Old principal were very close and she was favored. Patty was often in the spotlight last year due to our old principal raving about her. I think Patty sees our new principal is very professional and keeps friendship and work separate. I expressed that I like our new principal as I feel like she’s kept thing very orderly and I did feel like our school was a family. The conversation ended there and I thought all was fine. But when we returned to school she was back to being awkward as if as if we didn’t talk. I started to notice that in front of Sally she was acting as if we didn’t talk but if Sally wasn’t there she was her old self with me. So things went back to being awkward. I continued to hang with Amy and our other friend and Patty continued to hang with Sally. Now remember when I said that Patty is conservative? this is due to her religion. as Patty and Sally became closer I noticed that Sally started to dress like Patty. With Patty being so conservative due to her religion she often dresses in skirts/dresses never leggings or pants Sally used to dress in jeans, leggings, pants, but more more started to only dress in skirts/dresses, which I found weird.
Fast-forward to this past March, both Patty and I got nominated for teacher of the year. This is Patty‘s second time being nominated as she was nominated last year but did not win. This is my first time being nominated and I would like to say that I am extremely grateful to be nominated in my second year of teaching. Both Patty and I congratulate each other. Now jumping ahead to the day before applications submissions for teacher of the year were due. My friend (not Amy) was sat down by our vice principal to say that there was an efficacy complaint about her coming to lunch with me to pick up my students, this made me very angry as Patty runs the efficacy committee in our school. I felt that the timing was weird as my friend has been coming to pick up my students with me at lunch all year long and there was never an issue but then the day before applications are due someone complains? This made me feel like Patty and Sally were playing dirty to help Patty possibly win and me to look bad? And I have noticed Sally staring at me and side eying me and I really wasn’t sure why until the complaint. But I can say I have a tendency to show how I feel on my face. I can’t hide my emotions which is something that I have been actively working on. So this past week was teacher appreciation week and Patty reposted Sally story where Sally posted the card that Patty gave her saying how thankful she was for her and she is so grateful that she is in her life. Now I know this may seem like I’m a bit jealous but honestly I am just so confused because when Patty pulled Amy to ask what was going on between me and her, she stated that her and Sally were cool, but she does not view her as a best friend, but then writes her card how grateful she is to be her friend?
With all this information I guess I’m just asking how do I move on from feeling weird and uncomfortable by this friendship between Patty and Sally? any advice on how to fake it until I make it when I have to work with Sally and Patty since we are all in the same grade level? Honestly, I feel very uncomfortable by both of them. I’m not really liking either of them too much because of the complaint that they put in any advice?

Hey y’all,
Posting this so that others know my experience and that it hopefully helps others.
I love this game and was actively posting for awhile. Only been playing for like 6 months. My last post was about sweeps and how I bought and spent around 30k gold or around $55 but while in a sonar sweep trying to get the Atlantico.
Long story short, I got Atlantico with camo and capt. But still paid money for it.
I haven’t played the game or touched the ship in like 3 months. I felt SO stupid for spending money on this game: like ok, $2-7 bucks a month for stupid prizes, sure I’ll buy that. But I spent like $50 bucks tryna get this stupid ship! It just felt SO not worth it and kinda predatory as far as the sonar sweeps go. It really sucked the natural joy of this game just knowing that anybody can just pay to get the best ship. It also felt like all the grinding I did to earn certain ships was a waste. I really regret having it and spending that money.
After some time away and a super busy couple of months I’m gonna come back to playing, but my caution to you is DONT DO THE SWEEPS! 1 and done! If you’re gonna spend money, REALLY do it on a ship you love, but it will feel not worth it. If I could do it again I wouldn’t have spent the money. There’s something pure about the grind and earning ships. There’s also something pure about getting good ships off events.
TL;DR- I whaled for Atlantico and totally thought it wasn’t worth it, not because the ship but the literal amount of money. Don’t spend too much of your money on this game and don’t do sweeps.

I had a medical abortion a little over 2 weeks ago. taking the misoprostol was honestly the worst pain I've ever experienced. I expected the cramping and bleeding to get progressively better, and it did the first week, but last weekend it got worse again. I had a followup with my doctor on monday and she perscribed methylergonovine to help with the bleeding which just caused more cramping over the past 2 days and no visible help to the bleeding.
I'm so worn down. I've been in near constant pain and discomfort for weeks now, not to mention the emotional distress this has caused. I knew this wouldn't be easy but I never thought it would be this long, drawn out, and painful. If I had, I definitely would have chosen a surgical abortion.
I'm supposed to leave for a trip to Europe at the end of this week and I don't know if I'll be well enough to go. I feel heart broken.
Does anyone have any advice on post abortion bleeding and cramping? How long did it take for you to feel normal again?

Hi Everyone. I have been encouraged to share my story here, as SA situations are different to those of general affairs. Both incredibly hurtful and traumatic.
I have been with my (30F) SA parter (30M) for 8 years. We have been living together for 7.5 years now. Own a home. Have a dog.
Throuhout our relationship we have one recurring issue: I'm not sexual enough for him. When we first started seeing one another we were incredibly active. I was aroused, in love, and keen for fun. We didn't do anything crazy overly crazy, but it was passionate and frequent.
Fast forward as we move through out relationship. Theres additional work, life and financial stressors. I'm not 23 living at home anymore, and my sex drive has decreased. On top of this, when we have sex I at times have felt degraded and demoralised. I never feel like what I do is enough for him, and he is bothered by my lack of ability to relax and orgasm. It doesn't help a low sex drive improve.
But again and again we've had this issue where he is grumpy, shitty, in a bad mood. And it comes out that it's because we're not having enough sex. But when we do, it's not experimental enough. I'm not fulfilling his fantasies, and he wants me to work up to doing more things (public sex, multiple partners etc). As we go along I become more and more repressed. I'm borderline on the asexual spectrum now, and no idea how I got here. Maybe I always was? But I dont think so.
One important note is that throughout all of these arguments I've defaulted to "maybe we're just not right for each other". I maintained that he deserves someone with the same sex drive, as do I. I get hit back with outrage that I want to "give up". Im encouraged we can work through this, and off we go staying together.
Mid last year we purchased our first home. I felt our sex life was in a much better place. I was happy in all aspects of my life. We're renovating the home, with all the excitement of what our future looks like there.
And here we are. 7 Days Ago I thought I'd tidy up one of our rooms and in a box of stuff I found a burner sim card. Immediately I knew something was up. I looked on his desk and his old phone (after receiving a new work one) was sitting there. I turned it on. A message pops up, asking for "send pics" etc. I couldn't actually see any suspicious messages. I could see he had an unread message, but it wasn't in the app. Nothing at all there except for old work messages. Until I realised there is an "Archive" section.
Well low and behold a series of evidence that my partner has been contacting people off the internet, off the apps, arranging meetings, having sex, asking women if they squirt, exchanging photos, including selfies. I've found one really long chain where he talked with this girl for ages. Checking in, discussing life, her dog, her relationship. He told her I was asexual and agreed he could have fun on the side. That never happened.
I was pretty broken. I've been pretty broken since then. Lost on what to do. Unable to eat. Unable to sleep. Completely destroyed. Yet he lies next to me, sleeping soundly. How is this fair?
In his previous relationship he did the same things. He had told me about meeting regularly with one prostitute while he was with his ex GF. He told me about his group sex adventures. Sex with pregnant women etc. Meeting with older men for blowjobs and anal sex. All of this was during his relationship in his early 20s - his girlfriend at the time was who he lost his virginity with.
What an idiot I was to feel that was all in the past, that it was a younger boy exploring his sexuality.
He has been open with me that he loves chatting online, pretending to be someone he is not for the thrill of it. No mention of any meetups, although he had expressed maybe it could be a solution when i was comfortable. I wasn't comfortable yet and made that clear, although a part of me wondered if it would just be easier to give it a try (one day). I always felt it would destroy me, and wanted to try sex therapy and work on ourselves first.
I could put all the messages down to silly little text exchanges for the thrill. But unfortunately, there have been addresses exchanged, dashcam footage and call logs that all point to the fact he has been meeting with people for years.
I have no idea if reconciliation is possible. Yesterday I thought it was. Today I don't think it will be.
After a reassuring phone call with him during a breakdown I was having on Tues night (he was away for work), he reassured me he loved me, had been scared of losing me while I was so distant, and we could work through anything. Last night (Wed) he was texting escorts for his one night in Sydney for work next week. Clearly it was all empty words.
From here: I meet with a therapist today. I think I'm pretty close to having a confrontation with him. I need to set my boundaries, and am hoping to discuss that today.
I don't know if I can do this. But this is my story.
TL;DR: My boyfriend of 8 years has a sex addiction and has been meeting with people off the internet and lying about it for at least 4 years, but probably for our entire relationship.

I'm 20 years old in college home for the summer, and I live with my incredibly strict parents. I don't know what to do. What's worse is that none of my friends understand, and I'm hoping someone on here relates at least a little so I don't feel completely alone.
I have first-gen, incredibly strict Indian parents. My high school experience with them was awful. Think of all the cliches--needed to be the best academically (ended up being valedictorian of my school and getting a full tuition scholarship), no freedom at all (curfew was 8pm, no leaving the house more than 2x a week even if it was a club, they didn't think clubs or extracurriculars were important), no driving (even though I got my license at 17), physical and mental abuse, threats, etc etc. To make matters worse, I ended up losing all my friends my senior year. The only person that stuck with me was my boyfriend (secret, of course), and we're still together (4 years now).
College was the best experience for me. I made all new friends (except they all live 2+ hours away from my home sadly) and my bf and I are making long distance work. Coming home last summer was fine because I was only there for a month because I got accepted to this research program which I begged them to let me go to, and they did.
This summer, it has only been 1.5 weeks and I'm losing it. My bf just came back and I always make an excuse to see him, that I'm seeing my old "friends" and they don't question it too much but my curfew is still 9 PM. I came home last night at 9:35 PM and I got yelled at, slapped twice, and screamed at about how I have been spending too much money. I literally worked 2 jobs in college last year and have a virtual summer internship. This is MY money. I'm still not allowed to drive, despite having had my license for 3 years now. When I am allowed to drive, it's only like 3 select locations (all no highway) and I have to use our small, crappy car. I need to do shadowing this summer because I'm a pre-dental student, but I'm not allowed to literally drive to do my shadowing hours. My mom takes the small car to work (she refuses to drive anything else) and my dad works from home so we have the big car completely free but I'm just not allowed to drive it at all.
These are just the recent things but there's so many things that I can't do. I've missed out on trips with my friends, concerts with them, etc. My friends (like a group of 15 people are going) recently invited me to this concert in one of my friend's hometowns 2 hours away and offered me a place to sleep but ofc I can't go! I even tried asking and reasoned out how I would get there via public transit and I just got laughed at. It's all my money, too.
The worst part is, even though I've had the best college experience (because they go to bed at 9-10 PM they don't check my location that late, so I've been able to party and finally have that taste of a normal life) and met the most amazing people, none of them can understand this at all. Most of my friends are Indian/Asian and I know a lot of people but everyone I'm close to just doesn't have this problem. I feel bad ranting to them because they don't know what to say or do. Even when they do try, it's things like "try to sneak out" (cameras, motion detectors, etc) or "better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission" like they don't fundamentally understand how bad it could get if I did that.
I don't know what to do. I can't get a job because first of all, even though they complain about money to me all the time, they wouldn't let me get a job because it's too much freedom and driving. Secondly, I'm studying for the DAT (Dental Admission Test) this summer and I can barely even concentrate at home because the second it turns 3 PM the TV starts blasting and they're always yelling at each other. I tried to ask if I can go to the library to study and focus, but again they yelled at me about the car thing and then how it would be a waste of gas money and how I can study at home and how I should be waking up at 6-7 AM to study if the house gets loud around 3 PM.
I hope someone on here can understand, even partly, my frustration. I feel so isolated and alone right now. It makes me so angry that my parents have fucked me up as a person so much and just as I was starting to cope with it, I have to deal with all their BS again.
Can anyone relate? Or is there any advice anyone has that has gone through something similar?

I (41/M) and my girlfriend (33/F) have been together for 4.5 years. We live together and have a dog, and have been talking about getting engaged and buying a house and having kids. She is a little nervous about that commitment ("forever is a long time"), but says she loves me and wants to do it. I have (or had) the ring picked out, but things have now come screeching to a halt.
I recently went through her phone and discovered that when we had been together for 8 months she colluded to sleep with a man in her home state. He cancelled on her at the last minute, and she continued to try and see him, but he had to leave town early. Their texts were flirty with hearts and kisses and things of that nature. She then continued talking to this person up until 2023 and they continued to discuss meeting one day when I wasn't in town (he was jealous and didn't want to meet me), but she swore it would just be coffee.
I felt hurt and betrayed by all this and confronted her. She admitted that yes she was trying to sleep with him that first year, but fate kept it from happening and now he's just a platonic friend who is sometimes flirty. She then admits that she also slept with another male friend of hers twice that first year we were together, 9 months in. After that I moved in, more time passed, and 2 years into our relationship she had a second cheating spree - "making out" with the person she slept with earlier, fooling around with a member of our friend group, and then a month after that sleeping with yet another friend. In our bed. Or well technically they didn't sleep together because he couldn't get it up, but she "tried" giving him a blowjob and some other gross stuff happened. They were trashed and never talked about it again.
That brings this up to four guys in total and keep in mind she's still talking to Mr. Missed connection during all of this. That was summer 2021. Getting all of this information was hard won after a week of gaslighting, trickle truth and lying to my face.
My jaw is just on the floor. I keep pushing her for more but she swears on our dog's life (weird move) that's she's now told me everything. Says that she loves me more than she's ever loved anyone and wants to get married. When I ask her WHY she says it was many coalescing factors - not realizing just how destructive cheating is, feeling scared of commitment and unsure about our relationship, wanting to explore feelings with other people to see if that's what she wants, insecurity and a need for validation. Now she says she realizes how devastating what she did was, and how much she loves me. It will never ever happen again because she's grown and has more self control now. Has stopped talking to these people and wants to attend therapy.
I think she's being honest with me at this point and does feel bad about what happened. She's been a mopey, sobbing mess for a month now. However I don't see how I can move past this much betrayal. I'm also not confident that therapy will magically fix all of her impulse control issues and of course she can have another period of feeling "unsure". My brain says I should walk, but my heart wants to hold on to this for dear life because I love her so much. I don't want to start over again.

Credit where it’s due and to take this with a grain of salt, given the source is in French and a user provided a bullet point format with translation context from Resetera, here’s why BEG2 is pretty much stuck being developed way too long (and reminder that this report was back in 2023, so take this with a grain of salt):
About the game production/staff: - The game is still in preproduction.

• In March 2022, he was told most of the content was just one planet, mostly empty, without a real city and places to visit, except for the assets of gameplay seen in 2018.
  
• In 2022, he was told people on the game were still working on "woah effects" disconnected from each others. Prototypes of places, weather effects, the technical platform, etc.
  
• Each year the game had a review with the Ubisoft directors, and each year it failed at obtaining a go to production, which would have helped to hire more staff.
  
• In 2022, he was told one person was leaving the project every 10 days, for a year and half.
  
• In 2022, he was told around 70% of the team that was initially building the engine around 2017 had left the project (split between Ubi Montpellier and other antennas)
  
• In 2021, most lead positions (authors, lead game dev, lead engine, lead art, animation director, etc) had already seen two or more change of staff, with Ubi directors asking people still there to replace them in addition to their existing work.
  
• He does not know how is the staffing on the game right now, and if the game is protected by the recent announcement of Ubisoft freezing hiring.
  

About the investigation of local French government: - The work inspection agency asked a third party to investigate.

• The third party will not interview the people that left the project in the last two years.
  
• Current BGE2 team he talked to feels betrayed because of this, feeling the conclusions of the investigations will be flawed.
  
• He was told some staff feel the new leads won't be able to change anything, some feel that it might finally be moving forward.
  

On why it's not cancelled: - He reminds that the project was created at a time when Ubisoft was facing an OPA from the Bolloré Group and needed to show its muscles, "it's a vanity project".

• He feels the situation has not changed, even if Tencent acquired stock in the group and would be forced, by contract, to sell it back to the Guillemot Family if an OPA happens, cancelling the game (or even Skull and Bones) would be a display of weakness.
  
• If you cancel the game, you have hundreds of staff to put on other projects, and Ubi cancelled a lot of unannounced projects.
  

About Guillaume Carmona being fired: - He started at Ubisoft in 2006, came from marketing, and became director of Ubisoft Montpellier in late 2019.

• Once the internal anonymous reporting platform was launched in 2020 following the crisis about Hascoet, several reports were done about his misconduct for things that happened before, between 2015 and 2019 while he worked in Ubisoft Paris.
  
• So Ubisoft knew but did nothing until the work inspection agency came in.
  
• Ubisoft covered his exit to preserve his future career, and people in Ubisoft did not get any information on why he left.
  
• He apparently had a very "bro" mindset, and valorised the collaborators for their capacity to handle alcohol. Drinking parties were integral part of working with him.
  

Other stuff: - Apparently the studio Build a Rocket Boy (founded by ex-Rockstar producer Leslie Benzies) has taken a liking in Ubi staff and hired at least 25 of them and counting, including the former BGE2 director. Pay for some of the new hires was doubled from what they had at Ubi (low pay is a well known issue at the company).

• Around 70% of staff at Ubi Montpellier is on BGE2, the rest is split between 3 projects (Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown, Sparks of Hope DLC Lineup, etc) that take staff exhausted by BGE2.

TL;DR:
Beyond Good and Evil 2 is having development troubles as 70% of the devs are currently struggling working on the game as the game’s fate is unknown to progress, Guillaume Carmona’s firing was mainly due to misconduct allegations during the Ubisoft’s work culture misconduct investigation reports, and they can’t cancel the game due to circumstances along the fact that cancelling BGE2 results shafting devs to other projects as Ubisoft has cancelled unannounced games on the corner due to their struggles and future downward spiral that is still showing in the games industry.

Hi All,
Summary of this long message:

• I don't know what dating is I realize.
• Trying to Make Friends with a female to have a hang out buddy.
• Is hangout dating? My Friend Making techniques don't seem to work anymore.
• The Female I am trying to be friends with is kinda stand offish when trying to get her to hang out more.
• I kinda want to bail out of my attempts at frienship
• I am wondering if I am scaring her and that I should stop all attempts to hang out as she may be thinking I am trying to take her on dates what ever that means...

So the title says it all. I am an older male with a good number of laps around our Star out there.
And just repentantly I realize I have no clue what dating is... So clearly I don't date. Yes Yes I am one of these low experience men with a nice list of I have nevers... with a women and so on. I never have dated mainly because I don't know what that even is!!!??
But I do have female friends...about 4 and counting... but none close enough where I am willing to ask them this question and look inexperienced. I have an appearance of knowledge I need to maintain lol.
So yes help an old guy out young bucks... What the heck is dating? How does it differ from going out with someone just as friends. What more do I need to do to communicate that to her? I have said to her straight up that I am not trying to scare you off I am just trying to get to know you and see if a friendship blossoms.
I have gone to events, dinners, lunches with all of my female friends and I did not consider them dates. But are hey dates? Could that be why my new not yet friend is so stand offish about hanging out with me? I fear she fears that I will mistake her friendliness as something more.
I don't know how to convince her that I will not make that Mistake .. I mean I have said that too her as well.
My main reason for asking is that I feel my method of making a female friend is no longer working. I always let the ladies know that I am not trying to hit on them. I do that right at the start when conversation becomes a regualer thing between us.
Being up in some women's face everyday talking and laughing you easy into getting to know each other, When I hit that point I tell them Please know that I am not trying to hit on you and stuff.
Currently I am trying to make friends with a co-worker and we have hung out to 2 dinners and 4 or 6 lunches and walkabouts. We talk for hours when we hang out we talk about everything no topic is offlimits. We have a great time. We never talk on the phone or text as I don't want to invade her space. So we only talk at work if we go to lunch or on the time when we have hung out outside of work
We have been doing this for about 7 months I have said to her from the jump that I am not trying to hit on her. Just interested in getting to know her and maybe become friends.
Lunch or dinner.. those are not dates right? I don't want to send the wrong message. Part of me feels like I should just fall back and leave her alone. I truly feel that I should stop trying to ask her to hang out and stuff. I do sense some discomfort there. But we are co-workers and we get on so well so just avoiding seems like a bad look because I don't want to come off as a weirdo and make things odd between us at the office. Thanks All

Hey y'all, hope I can get some good advice here. 16m by the way
So some background. My parents divorced when I was 3. I lived with my mom and stepdad mostly, and only got to see my bio dad every other weekend, so we weren't close at all and I didn't really have a bond with him or anything. Then when I was 7 he went to prison for committing a violent crime while he was really high on his DOC at the time. He got out late last year
As I got older and more mature my mom has told me more things about my dad, since I didn't know much about his past or even him himself. Turns out he was kind of a troublemaker as a kid/teen and was a junkie in his late teens/early twenties and has had a lot of addiction issues on and off
Here's the catch. Last year, I got into drugs and alcohol pretty bad. Hard drugs, drank every night, that kinda stuff. When my mom found out she made me get help which sucked, and our relationship hasn't been the same since. She comments quite a bit that I'm a lot like my father, and other shit about how she can't trust me and once-an-addict-always-an-addict stuff. We fight a lot now
Long story short, a little over a month ago my mom and I were fighting and I told her I would rather live with my dad than her. The more I thought about that, the more I realized that was true. Since my dad got out the slammer he's visited several times, and I really like spending time with him. My mom has told me that he's a 'narcisstic asshole with sociopathic tendencies' but he's really a great guy, and he understand me better than anybody else. We're alot alike
I really do want to move in with him after he moves out of the sober living home he's at now, and my mom hasn't flat out said no or nothing. I told my dad and he was so happy he almost fucking cried. But my mom's being weird about it all and I just got to thinking that what if this is the wrong decision or something. I know this is what I want to do, and even though my mom and I aint got that great of a relationship anymore I don't wanna completely ditch her. And she's said in so many words that she would ditch me if I moved in with my dad
I guess I just want a second opinion. I know nobody can't really give a great answer without knowing every detail of this whole situation, but to be honest and truthful I just feel kinda confused about everything

Mr. Winslow accused my mother of stealing his dead wife’s jewelry.
I explained it was impossible. He was welcome to search the tiny apartment I shared with my mother and aunt, he could look wherever he wanted.
“We share a tiny space,” I said. “We barely have enough room for our clothes. I don’t even know where she would hide jewelry.”
I was worried we would lose him as a client. Which would suck because cleaning his house was basically the majority of our rent cheque. But a week later he found the pearl necklace, it had somehow travelled down to his basement.
“I’m still missing the gold bangle though,” he said. “And some earrings.”
I told him I was sorry, but I had no idea. If my mom or aunt found it on their next clean, I promised they would let him know right away.
He hummed and hawed. There might’ve been a week where he hired a different maid service, but eventually he called back, asking if he could hire all three of us on-site again.
I thanked him profusely. I told him we’d keep an eye out for the missing valuables.
***
On our drive over, I had my mom and aunt practice the apology we would give him in English. Even though we didn’t steal anything, I explained we should still say sorry.
“Why?” My aunt asked. “That’s so stupid.”
“Everyone apologizes for everything in Canada. Just trust me. He will want it.”
“We need the work,” my mom said.
For a second my aunt revved up to say something else, but then let it go. We did need the work.
When we arrived, Mr. Winslow was on a phone call, watching his two large goldendoodles play in the front yard. He waved, then gestured to the front door. My mom and aunt gave small bows and carried their cleaning supplies inside.
Before I could enter, he put the phone behind his ear and approached me.
“Ida, hi. Good to see you again. Listen, don't worry about the jewelry. Water under the bridge. Hey. I’m leaving in an hour or so, and I won’t be back until late tonight. I’m wondering if you’d be interested in dog-sitting? You’ve been around Toto and Kipper. What do you think? I’d really appreciate the help.”
I never liked the way he looked at me. It was always too close, and it lingered for too long. My aunt may have been right in that he hired us back just to see me again, but I ignored the thought.
“And don’t worry, I can cover your cab back. My usual walker is just out on holiday. You can help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge. How does six hundred sound?”
I looked at his house and imagined if I would be comfortable there. Alone at night.
“I’ll make it seven-hundred. I know it's last minute. I just hate leaving them alone. Plus Toto has his medicine. You would do me a real solid.”
My apron needed adjusting so I put down my bucket. I focused on the polyester knot, keeping my gaze away from his. I really didn’t want to be doing this, but my aunt would call me stupid for refusing easy money. And frankly, so would I.
“I had plans, but I’m willing to give them up.” I said with a straight face. “Eight hundred and it’s a done deal.”
He paused for a second, observing me scrupulously. Then he found his usual, smarmy half-smile. “You’re a life saver, you know that? An Angel.”
His hand gripped my shoulder. Then patted it twice.
***
Both my mom and aunt were pleased about the extra cash, they said I deserved to make extra for all the bookkeeping I do. But they also both voiced their concerns for safety. They said they could stay with me if I wanted.
“Safety? Mamãe I’m just watching two dogs.”
My mom wiped a caked red stain off his counter. An old wine spill. “Yes, but so late in his house? You’re not worried he might … I don’t know …”
Might what? Exploit me?
I met his groundskeeper once, another immigrant contractor. Except the groundskeeper was being paid far less, because he never properly negotiated. Mr. Winslow was certainly capable of exploiting people when he wanted to, and I’m sure he would try the same on my family.
But I was different. I’d gone to school in Banniver, and I knew the little maneuvers played by the so-called “progressive people in North America.”
And Winslow knew it too.
He didn’t realize a Canadian-raised daughter organized her mom’s cleaning service. Or that she would show up on the first day as a statement. That statement being: You can’t get away with mistreating these old Brazilian women. And you certainly can’t swindle them out of the going rates in his neighborhood. I’m onto you.
I had asserted myself with this Mr. Winslow, and felt confident that I could stand my ground if he tried any bullshit.
“Mamãe I’m not worried about him. Really, I’m not. He’s a pushover.”
***
6:00PM rolled around, it was just me and the goldendoodles.
My mom and aunt were back at home, watching low-res soaps on a Macbook, but they said if I encountered anything strange—a sound, a smell, an unexpected car in the driveway—to give them a call right away.
“Mamãe, its two dogs. I’ll be fine.”
“Just keep your phone close Ida. Your auntie has sensed things in that house. Unpleasant things.”
I forgot to mention my aunt thinks of herself as an amateur medium. In the village she grew up in, she claimed she could sometimes see people who were recently deceased.
But I never really believed her. Mostly because it was also my auntie’s idea to charge families who wanted to forward messages to the very same people who were recently deceased.
“Okay mamãe, whatever you say. I’ll phone you if I get scared.”
“That house has a history Ida, you could feel it in the walls. The outside too.”
It sure does. A history of being owned by a wealthy prick.
***
The sun slinked below the overcast horizon like a dying lantern. It got dark much faster than I expected.
I kept all the lights on, and played with the dogs a bit, trying to encourage them to try piss on the shag rug. Neither did. They mostly wanted naps.
I tried napping for a bit too, but the leather couch felt like it was made of rock. I just couldn’t get comfortable.
Eventually I made myself dinner—some pasta that had been bought from Whole Foods—and ate it while scrolling on my phone.
I was just about done, ready to take my dirty plate in the sink when I first heard it.
The first explosion.
It came from the basement. A vibrating KAPOW that rattled the windows and chandelier on my floor. It sounded like someone had set off a cherry bomb.
What the hell?
I turned to the dogs who were just as scared as I was. They came whimpering with tails between their legs.
Could a pipe have burst or something?
I looked at the basement door, an area we were not instructed to clean, and then heard another explosion.
Vases shook. A painting went tilted. It sounded louder. Like full grade firework. I had lived in Rio de Janeiro, by Prianha beach, where they often launched celebratory fireworks. This was just as deafening.
I didn’t want to go down to the basement. In fact, I sat by the front door.
Both dogs huddled around me.
***
Twenty minutes passed. It had been quiet.
Out of pride I refused to call my mom—I didn’t want to admit I was scared. Instead, I spent the time going through all the rational answers in my head that could explain away the noise. Plumbing, terrorism, teen pranks … hot springs?
There were hot springs all over West Bann.
Obviously, some kind of pent-up geyser had lay dormant for a while, and it was now suddenly unleashing a ton of energy below Mr. Winslow’s house. To distract myself, I Wikipedia’d the history of West Banniver, and satisfied this theory.
During the 1850’s gold rush, West Banniver saw rapid settlement as a mining town. The proliferation of mine shafts soon led to a discovery of underground hot springs. Mayfield Briggs Ltd which was the first company to seize the opportunity as a tourist attraction…
That’s all it was. A hot spring releasing a buildup of pressure.
Then a third explosion came.
It was so loud and violent that the door to the basement flew open. I fell to the ground and covered my head as several books went flying off nearby shelves.
The dogs yipped and barked like crazy. They stood in front of me, guarding against an unseen force. A voice shrieked from the basement.
“HELP!!! HELLLLP!”
Rivets shot through my hands and knees. I was frozen to the floor.
“PLEEEEEEASE!”
It had the high-pitched desperation of someone whose life was about to end. I raised my head and listened closely to hear haggard, dusty coughing. It sounded like an old man’s cough. It echoed through the basement and into the living room. Between coughs the man continued to plead for his life.
HELLLLP!”
I had no idea who it could be or how he got down there.
Before I could think, one of the dogs shot past me, bolting down the basement steps, barking ferociously.
“Kipper!”
I tried to grab the loose leash, but I could only hold the collar of his sibling. “Kipper come back here!”
“HELLO?” The voice from below seemed to recognize my presence. “PLEASE, YOU’VE GOT TO HELP!”
I was now upright, breathing as fast as Toto was panting. I tied Toto to the thick rails on the stairs. I had to save the other dog.
Instinctually I grabbed my phone, slipped an AirPod in one ear, and dialed my mother without even looking at the screen.
“Mãe. There’s … something terrible is happening.”
My mother was suitably confused. Even more so when she heard the screaming of the man downstairs as his voice echoed in the living room. It was a cry of immense, awful pain.
After two slower, more detailed explanations of what I just heard, my mother told me to call the fire department. “Poke your head through the basement, see what’s happening. Then call the fire department.”
That made sense to me. I inched my way to the basement entrance and tried to see past the doorway. It was complete darkness. There was no light switch.
I turned the torch on my phone, and my aunt’s voice came blaring. “Get out of there Ida! I am telling you, there is darkness in that house!”
As I illuminated the dusty wooden stairs, I saw that they only lead only to more pitch black. Yup, plenty of darkness here.
There was some phone-wrestling. My mother came back on. “What is it? What did you see?”
“Don’t encourage her! Get her to leave!” my auntie yelled in the background.
I told them to pipe down because I could suddenly hear the gentle whimpering at the base of the stairs. The dog sounded close.
“Kipper come! This way! Follow my voice!”
I went down a few steps further, expecting the basement floor to appear any second, but there were only more wooden steps. How long was this staircase?
“Kipper?”
There was a flat, cold wall on my left, and no guard rail to speak of. I stepped down each step very carefully to maintain my balance, sliding my hand along the wall.
Then the wall disappeared. I flew forward.
***
I woke up lying face-first on rocky floor. My phone was cracked next to me. My mother was crying in my ear. “Ida! Ida! Oh my god! Ida!”
I looked up to see I was not at the bottom of someone’s basement. There were lights all above me. Lanterns. They were illuminating a cavernous, rocky chamber that led to many tunnels with train tracks and wooden carts. I was in the opening of a massive underground mine.
I coughed, and gave out a weak “… what?”
“Ida is that you? Are you… brrzzzzz” My mom’s voice faded.
Before I could reply, I saw the crooked form of a man in tan coveralls, shaking the immobile body of another person in coveralls next to him. In fact, there was a small row of half a dozen miners all slumped against a blasted rock wall. There were bits of granite, wood, rope, and what looked like entrails splattered all throughout.
“Oh the cruelty …” the one, standing miner said. He went from body to body and jostled each of his coworkers. “Must I find you all like this … every time?”
I crawled up to a half-standing pose and tried to see the face of the hunched over survivor.
My heart dropped.
He had no face.
The explosion which must have killed some of friends had also blasted away this man’s entire sternum, neck and skull. The miner wasn’t hunched over or leaning away with his head, he just simply … had no head.
And up there, floating right in the middle of where his face should be, were a set of eyeballs, glistening under the yellow lights.
The eyes turned to me. “Oh. Why hello. Hello there.”
Terrified, I rose to complete standing and opened both my palms in a show of total deference. “I don’t know. I don’t know who you are or what this is.”
The headless miner walked toward me. I noticed he carried a pickaxe in his right arm. He gestured with his left to where his ear would be.
“I’m sorry I can’t hear you. Had an accident.”
Despite him having no head, his voice still came from where his mouth would be. There was an earnestness in his speech, it might have had something to do with his very old-timey accent, but I still felt like he was trying to be friendly.
“Another batch of faulty dynamite. Everyone’s dead. But what else is new.”
He brought his left palm to his face, perhaps to wipe away tears, but instead his hand travelled through his nonexistent head to scratch a small portion of his back.
“Been dead for many years I’m afraid. But I’ve kept busy. Been a good man. Worked very hard for the boss upstairs.”
He gestured upwards with the pickaxe. I looked up, and out in the distance, I saw a large, ancient, set of wooden stairs that I must have fallen from. They extended far up into the mine’s ceiling and kept going.
“He’s gotten good ore from me. Good, shining, golden ore. I have a knack for it you see. The same knack that killed me so many years ago. It's probably what’s still keeping me around though.”
He came closer. I could see he had brown irises, with one of the cataracts deteriorating into milky white haze. The eyes stared at me, unblinking.
“Because I’m not done, see. This mine isn’t empty. I know there’s more gold. Much more. And it’s not all for the boss. No, I’m keeping some to myself. Don’t tell him, but I’ve been stashing a large deposit for myself. It can’t all be his of course. It’s my mine after all. Half these tunnels were dug entirely by me. So of course I deserve some. It’s only natural.”
I lifted my hand and pointed at the staircase behind him. I mouthed very big, obvious words. “I have to go back. I’m going back up those stairs.”
He shifted his body. His two eyes turned in the air as if they were still inside an invisible skull. I saw nerve endings at the back undulate and twist.
“Yes, that is the only way up.”
My heart was in my throat. At least I found some form of communication. I gestured to knee height and nervously asked if he had seen a “large, shaggy dog.”
“Ah yes. I’ve seen the pooches. They come down here sometimes. When the booms don’t scare em that is. Hahah.”
I gave a thumbs up. It felt like a ridiculous interaction with a ghost, or zombie or whatever this was, but at least it was working.
“I think I saw his little tail run over that way. They like the smell of the mineral spring.”
I turned behind to see the long tunnel he was pointing at. It was dimly lit by a chain of smaller lanterns.
I thought I saw a flutter of movement, and I would have kept looking further if it wasn’t for my aunt’s voice that suddenly exploded in my ear. “Brrrzt … Ida! If you can hear us, we are calling the police to your location. Help is coming soon! … ”
I winced and stepped back—which saved my life. I just so happened to step right out of the way of a pickaxe. It sparked the ground.
I gasped and stared at the headless miner. His eyes were shimmering with a dark focus, staring directly at mine.
“Oh I’ll help you find the dog. I’ll help you find whatever you want. But I’ll need those clean new eyes of yours first.”
He swung at my head. I ducked. He went for the backswing. I ran.
Stupidly, I ran in the opposite direction of the stairs. I ran straight into the long tunnel lined with dim lanterns.
But I couldn’t turn around. I had no idea how quick he could move. And the speed of his pickaxe felt supernatural.
The tunnel was narrow, and lined with wooden tracks, I had to skip-run-jump over the panels with immense precision to make sure I didn’t trip. Behind me, his voice chased.
“Go ahead. Run. I know where these all lead.”
I ignored the words and kept going. The tunnel bent left, then right, then left again. I ignored several exits before the tunnel spat me out into an open, cavernous room filled with dozens and dozens of minecarts.
I investigated the room for anything useful. A far opposite wall appeared to be the site of the latest digging, loose rock lay everywhere.
There was a small mineshaft holding a chained up cart. And something in the cart shimmered…
It was gold.
And not just ore either. There were bars, coins, medallions, and jewelry. Mrs. Winslow’s bangles were right on top.
I ran to the cart furthest from the entrance and ducked behind it, breathing heavily, coughing from all the dust.
The headless man emerged from the tunnel, pickaxe raised and scanning where I could have hid. “I may not be able to hear you. But I can follow footprints pretty easily hah. I know you’re in here.”
He grabbed the closest minecart available and pushed it into the tunnel entrance. With an immense show of strength, he lifted and dislodged the cart off the track, cramming it sideways, creating a massive obstacle.
I was sealed inside.
Trying to stay absolutely still, I coughed through my teeth. Lungs burning. My mom’s voice came through.
“Brrzzztt… The police should be there! I told them you were in danger! They said they sent a unit over. Maybe they broke down the front door?”
I looked up at the mine shaft next to me. If it did connect to the surface upstairs, this was my only chance.
I gave a couple good yells. “HEEEEELP!!! DOWN HERE!! HELP!”
I don’t know if it did any good, but it was better than nothing. I turned to see if the miner had heard anything.
He hadn't.
The pickaxe tapped and clanged awkwardly around minecart after minecart.
I had a bigger advantage than I thought.
Although the miner had two floating eyeballs, only the left one was really capable of seeing anything.
So I kept my distance and watched where he was going, always staying behind.
As he limped and peered around minecarts, I was able to evade him, move from behind rock piles and other carts, careful not to leave a trail in the rock dust.
It was all going well until I heard a familiar panting.
“Oh look. If it isn’t precious.”
The dog had managed to jump over the miner’s blockade. It must have heard my yells. Surprisingly, Kipper was unafraid of the headless villain, and even approached him to receive pets.
“Now why don’t you go say hello to our other friend here huh? I know she's here somewhere.”
No. Kipper. Please. Don’t.
The dog started sniffing. Within seconds he found my scent. Kipper skipped towards me like Lassie and excitedly licked my face.
“Aww there we are. Now isn’t that a good boy?”
I stood up and stared at the filthy, ash-stained coveralls. Despite the lack of teeth, I could sense a menacing grin where the mouth should be.
He wasn't going to lose sight of me now. I had nowhere to go.
So I did the thing my auntie said worked on all spirits. I fell to my knees and prayed.
“Please. I only came here for work. I’m too young to die. Let me go and I won't tell anyone that you're here.”
He stood over me. Both of his pupils started to quiver. In just a few seconds, his eyes were swimming excitedly within the space of his head.
I took off the only valuable I had. A gold necklace with a miniature version of Christ the Redeemer. A gift I had received as a teen in Rio. I held it out in my shaking hands.
“Please. Take it. Take everything.”
Suddenly both the eyeballs stared forward again, entranced by the gold.
“Well look at that. How generous. How generous of her. We should reward generosity shouldn’t we?”
***
It was hard for me to describe to the police officer how exactly I got out, because I have no idea.
The fiery pain where my eyes used to be overwhelmed my entire reality for hours. All I wanted was for it to stop.
They found me half inside a dumbwaiter bleeding to death from the gouges in my face.
I was taken to the hospital, where I would spend the next four weeks recovering.
The police did not in fact storm the house like my mom said. They waited outside for the homeowner to return. But when they heard my screams coming from the top floor, they broke the back door and eventually came to my rescue.
I’m told they did a thorough investigation but could not find any of the things I described.
The basement door led into a regular basement. It was filled with old furniture, unused decor, and paint cans. No Mine.
The dumbwaiter was also just a dumbwaiter. It wasn’t some mine shaft, and it didn’t lead any deeper than the basement. Nothing special.
There were definitely hot springs close by, but nothing close enough to damage Mr. Winslow's property. And there was an old, depleted gold mine not far away either, but it was completely abandoned, closed off, and nowhere near as big as the one I had described.
***
The police, paramedics and doctors all thought my story was some hallucination. That I had been on drugs or had some mental breakdown (even though they couldn’t find anything in me other than small traces of weed.)
Thankfully, my mother and aunt believed me. They believed every word. My aunt is the one who encouraged me to make this post, so others could hear my story.
I know it was real.
I know it was.
And Mr. Winslow is fully aware of the mine’s existence.
Putting the dots together, I realized it was likely the source of his wealth. Winslow had some control over that one headless miner down there.
Did Winslow intentionally entrap me? Was he trying to get the miner a new set of eyes? Or was it all an unfortunate accident?
I might never know.
But what I do know is that Mr. Winslow has been paying for our rent ever since the accident.
He feels “terrible about the situation” and “can’t possibly imagine” what I’ve been through.
But he knows what happened.
He knows if I really pushed, If I really forced the police, or some private investigator to look into it—they would uncover something awful. Something really really bad.
“Anything you need. Anything at all. I will cover it, Ida.” He said. “You helped me out, protected my dogs, and I will never forget it.”
He’s offered to pay for the rest of my University schooling. And once my face heals up, he’s even offered to cover for some very expensive, experimental eye-transplant. We’ll see how that goes.
“You and your family will live comfortably from now on. You’ll want for nothing. Tell me exactly what you need, And you’ll get it.”
So I told him I'd like my necklace back. It was an heirloom. I said I lost it somewhere in his house.
A few days later, he returned with the usual smug, half-crooked smirk in his voice. He brought the necklace back in a box, pretending he had bought me a new one. Except it felt exactly like my old one.
It was all shined up, completely buffed of scratches, but it weighed the same. It was my old one for sure.
When my mom saw it she asked, “did it always have it? This dedication?”
As far as I remembered, the backside of the tiny Christ the Redeemer was always plain. I fingered its shape in my hands.
“What dedication?”
The new little divots caught my nails. There was writing that was definitely not there before.
My mom described it as a curly, serif font. Like a gift for a lover.
~ You’re an angel ~
~ W ~

I have a Hikvision DS-7608NI-E2/8P NVR I installed at my home 9 or 10 years ago. It has always recognized Hik cameras and displayed the image on my monitor within about a minute of being plugged into the poe ports. Even a few replacements I've ordered over the years had no issues. Plug & play. I had a camera go out and I ordered a replacement Hik camera on Amazon and the NVR doesn't recognize it. I thought maybe I got a bad one and returned it & ordered another one but having the same issue. I noticed the model number on these new cameras is slightly different than the last one I ordered 7 months ago that works fine
The one I purchased to replace a bad camera about 7 months ago that the NVR recognizes is model DS-2CD2043G2-IU
The ones I just ordered that the NVR doesn't recognize is DS-2CD2043G2-I It doesn't have the U on the end of the part#.
Does anyone know why my NVR isn't recognizing these new cameras? Does that U mean anything on the end of the part#? I'm lost on how to fix this.

LONG ONE but this is 15 years in the making.
So my brother and his wife A have been married for about 15 years. Ever since the beginning, I've always felt a little skeptical of her. She's a southern gal that likes to romanticize everything. Think a Facebook junky that loves posting inspiring messages that are totally over the top. "From the depths of my soul, I wish you all to find happiness in your life. I truly do. Never give up! #MiraclesAreReal #HeHasAPlan" Etc. That sort of shit.
She's a sweetheart though and doesn't have a malicious bone in her body, but she's the type of person who wishes she lived in a hallmark movie. And she LOVES attention.
Over the last 15 years, she's had one thing happen to her after another. First it was shoulder issues from a car accident. Obviously this was all a real thing, but it just seemed like she kept having setback after setback, to the point where her shoulder was replaced. She had issues with opioid addiction, went to rehab. About 10 years ago she also started "feeling chronic pain" and was more and more reclusive, opting to spend most of the time we visited them in bed. Now she wasn't ignoring us, because we always made it a point to come up and even would spend time in their room watching movies and just talking, but for the most part, she stayed in bed.
Eventually it was determined that she had something called POTS, and then later Ehlers Danlos. These were both pretty much self-diagnosed, and then "confirmed" by doctors. But since then both of these afflictions have completely taken over her life. She started using a wheelchair, her body has deteriorated, she basically has zero leg muscles, with a much larger upper body from eating terribly. She's had highly invasive procedures like spinal fusions, ports, and all sorts of other shit over the years.
Everything is a "miracle cure" on Facebook and she talks about how she's a girl boss. "Guys!! I DID SOMETHING TODAY! I walked down the stairs to get a drink without my caregiver!" is a typical post on Facebook. Of course next week when I ask my brother how she's doing, she's had setbacks and is feeling worse than she was before. It's always one step forward and three steps back.
What gets me is that these posts are OBVIOUSLY pity parties, but of course she would never ask people to cry for her and talk about how terrible things are. No. that's not what the protagonist does in a hallmark movie. They have stiff upper lips, they are courageous! They never complain and live life to the fullest, despite how terrible things are.
So she makes a post with her sitting in her wheelchair or wearing a neck brace, and will say things like "Guys, I just had the best day EVER. I sat up! Normally when I sit up I get lightheaded and pass out, but today, thanks to my 3 Physical therapists, i've been able to sit up! These are the little things people sometimes take for granted, but I just had to share :) #EDScantStopMe! #GurlBoss #NotToday".
So she gets a million likes and comments saying how "Proud they are" of her and how she's an inspiration. We're all supposed to be so thrilled and excited, but all it really is is a reminder that she's basically bedridden and should be pitied and lavished with attention. Thankfully, she hasn't tried to move into influencer status, and I honestly don't feel like she has financial incentives at heart. She simply craves the attention, the pity, and the "status" as being an inspiring role model for other people a and being the main character of her own hallmark movie.
And I fucking can't stand it. I think this is all bullshit. I'm sure she's in pain, but that's what happens when you're body deteriorates from not doing shit for 10 years. She tries to solve all her issues with pills and procedures, but doesn't do fuck all when it comes to actually working hard at rehabilitating her body.
I know EDS is a real thing, but I've also read how commonly it's faked. Certain types can be genetically tested for. Of course hers hasn't.
Throughout all of this shit, my brother has been a fucking saint. He's never complained. Luckily he owns a business that does well enough that nothing has led to financial issues, but it easily could have since nothing is covered by insurance. He's a very active and outgoing guy, so it kills me seeing him spend his entire young adult life basically being her caregiver.
In the past year however, he has reached a breaking point. He had a short-lived affair, realized life was slipping by, and immediately told her about it. She's forgiven him, and basically will say things like "you can win me back. Lets renew vows, get me another ring" (All the bullshit you would see in a movie of course). He knows deep down that he doesn't WANT to win her back, and has essentially been letting the relationship die over the past 9 months. He wants to take care of her financially, but wants out. He needs a life.
Well, this past weekend, she finally sends a text saying that they are done, and the separation is moving forward. Oh and what do you know? She has started making posts on Facebook about how she hasn't used her wheelchair in days! She can now walk a mile in a day when she couldn't walk 20 steps. Where the FUCK was this 4 years ago when you maybe could have rehabilitated and lived an actual life? Where the fuck was this when my brother was wasting away his life, not traveling, not creating memories for his girls, having memories that he had growing up as a kid going on hikes and going to the beach.
On top of all of this, they have two daughters. The older one is 12 and is having all sorts of other issues, including anorexia and self-harm. I love her, but I see this as a response to the bullshit that her mom has put her through her entire life. She has always been an attention seeking kid. She is also very sweet, but unfortunately I believe that all of these cries for help wouldn't be happening if her own mother wasn't the way she is. I know this last part makes me an asshole, and I honestly have no ill will towards the daughter. I think what she is doing to herself is very serious and I don't want to take it lightly. But she is also a very sheltered girl and it's hard not to believe that the mother isn't the root cause.
I'm so happy that my brother is finally going to be rid of this soon. Obviously he plans to take care of her financially in perpetuity, and isn't planning to have any toxic fights over money or custody. He will do what's right. The only thing now is that I'm terrified that one of her stupid "followers' is going to share what happened and he somehow becomes some viral villain that gets crucified by assholes who have no idea what the actual situation is.

Hello everyone I hope you are all having a good day, to tell you the truth I am struggling alot right now. To put simply I just feel completely burnt out from my relationship, and I feel so on edge all the time worrying about it and my girlfriend who I do love.
Too add context I have been dating my GF for about 7 months now (but we have known eachother for 2 years now) and we have predominantly been a long distance relationship. She has significant trauma from childhood in the foster system as well as from her past relationship which was extremely abusive, as well as a severe heart condition (which has necessitated in me performing CPR on her numerous times). I care about her alot and I want to help her overcome her past and be a better person, but too be frank I don’t know if I can continue to support her without completely falling apart myself.
Likewise her past has led to her to develop some traits that are a little off putting such as having “no filter” which has definitely contributed to some hurtful things being said towards me during arguments as well as leading her to be a little lacking in empathy and trust especially towards individuals of the opposite sex to me. Likewise she is a little needy requiring me to spend hours of every night on facetime with her, the problem is we generally aren’t talking as she is scrolling through tik tok generally.
I am trying my best to help her as much as I can and I know she loves me so much, and does appreciate me, even if she doesn’t show it sometimes. My problem is everytime I check my phone to respond to a problem she is having or hear about so and so upset her I just feel more and more drained. The fact that I know 40-60% of the phone calls I have with her will end with me in a worse mood then when I answered. Then I have my own issues too and sometimes her lack of empathy, or when she points out something she has experienced is worst it just feels like my experiences aren’t valid. I feel trapped, I don’t get to spend as much time with friends or just generally socializing with people (she is very wary of strangers because of her past) including my family. Or I’ll be doing something that brings me joy like playing with my younger siblings or my favorite video game and she’ll make a comment about how much she wishes she had that dynamic with her sibling (who mostly just puts her down when he isn’t ignoring her) or how she doesn’t like whatever I’m playing.
Additionally she has some of the most toxic friends I have come to know and they would have never entered my life prior. Often with their drama effecting our relationship because she is pissed off that someone did x or y to her friend and ends up taking it out on me. Which there is a good chance when she is mad she’ll accidentally snap at me, so that leads me to basically just trying to figure out what she wants to hear. Then other things will go wrong such as her adoptive parents being overbearing and emotionally abusive with me feeling completely powerless to stop it. In one instance her parents were pestering her about how she is overweight (which she definitely is not, and is actually closer to underweight) and despite how much I tried too help boost her confidence she has ended up skipping meals and tracking her weight as she has made clear to let me know she is. That has honestly just made me feel like I failed to help her.
I have honestly let her get away with saying and doing things that have really hurt me that were it anyone else I would of ended the relationship, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt because of her past. I just feel trapped in my relationship and honestly I am feeling alot of the symptoms associated with compassion fatigue as I feel like a therapist when I am not at all. I’m alot more irritable and quick to outbursts, much more so then I have been. Likewise my sleep has taken a massive hit as well as my ability to focus. It’s like I have a stabbing pain in my stomach as I am worried about something happening or her getting upset or hurt or something. More then anything I’m terrified that if I leave she’ll hurt herself, and if I bring up my issues I’m having now that’ll hurt her and she’ll probably do something to hurt me to get back at me the next time we fight. Too make matters worse I am storing my car with her as she lives close too my college since my home state is too far for me to drive it back and forth. Am I a selfish asshole for worrying about my mental health when this girl has had it much worse, do I keep giving her the benefit of the doubt because of it? Can I really help someone if I feel like it’s going to destroy me (and no she refuses formal therapy, nor would her adoptive parents allow for it).

So rn I’m really really struggling with my mental health, more than I have in a long while. The last time I felt myself spiraling like this was right before I had psychosis and got held in a hospital for 2 weeks. I’ve been trying to talk to my therapists about hallucinations I’ve had, scary things happening, but she just brushes it off every time as sleep deprivation. Which I know it very well could be, but it feels like she’s not taking me seriously.
And on top of that, I feel like she’s crossed a boundary but I don’t know how to confront it. I know she uses Reddit bc she’s a younger therapist and has mentioned subreddits. But what the problem is. Is that she knows what my account is and has read my posts and doesn’t tell me about it. It just feels like a huge red flag that she would do that, and I know she has, I can feel it when I sit down for session that she already knows what’s happened that week before I even tell her. I just don’t get why she doesn’t understand what I’m struggling with, bc she acts like she doesn’t care about issues I bring up.
Ex: “my mom had another psychotic episode and I’m scared she’s going to hurt me. I’m so stressed and I hallucinated in the mirror.” That’s what I would say, and then she would respond with “how much have you been sleeping?” Like not everything is from sleep problems, I’ve been an insomniac all my life. It feels mean to act like she doesn’t know what I’m talking about and concerned about, when I know she knows. I’ve felt myself changing and it scares me. It scares me that it doesn’t scare me. People keep asking if I’m okay bc my mom is sick and I’m still injured but it hasn’t healed, and someone asked me why I’ve been so “dead.” I’m not emoting and I’m not having a good time.
I used to love people but now I just want to be alone. I hate that everyone could be a danger, anyone could dox me. I can’t trust anyone and I’ve felt so isolated that I think I just got used to it and now I prefer being alone. Which I was in the middle about before. I’ve always preferred being alone but I liked hanging out with friends. Only now I’ve pushed all my friends away bc I’m not willing to take that risk, not when even my own therapist is breaching privacy and won’t even be honest about it.
You can’t trust anyone and I hate it. I hate this so much, I want to just shout “Why are you reading my posts and still pretending not to understand?!” How tf do I even approach this? How does she seriously not consider the fact that the more she does this, the more locked down I have to get about personal info and privacy? I feel betrayed.

PT comes in. Flare up of chronic back pain. 18 visits in past 60 days, spread over 4 different hospitals. Nothing prior to 60 days.
Hospital 1: seen once (pts first visit). Told to see a pcp which he does not have.
Hospital 2: seen once. Told to see pcp.
Hospital 3: seen three times. First two given parenteral opioids. Third time told to follow up with pcp. Pt did not return after third visit.
Hospital 4: seen 7 times. Each time given parenteral opioids until his last one, which made pt stop going. On one visit pt was given total of 2.5mg hydromorphone and 75mcg fentanyl. On another visits pt was started with 6mg morphine. Then given 1mg hydromorphone. Then another. Then another. Then another 1.5. Then another. This made a total of 6mg hydromorphone and 6mg morphine in approximately 9 hours.
I see all of this before going to see the patient and I work at hospital number 5. As you can all imagine I’m getting ready for a no I can’t give you opioids but can refer you to a chronic pain clinic talk.
I go see the pt who is agitated and hostile. He’s mad that he waited 4 hours without any pain meds. I asked about his pain, what he’s tried, and how it started. He was strangely very straight up, saying “I went to x hospital and they gave me narcotics which helped until they labelled me a drug seeker”. Pt is adamant that no non-opioids work on him. He stated taht he’s u willing to even try and if the standard nsaid …. I told patient that he would be getting a referral to chronic pain clinic and that if he wanted help from me right now it would not be in the form of opiates. Or was angry but agreed. I did a trigger point injection with bupivicaine. Once tpi is done patient started historically crying. Says it’s the best he’s felt in months. This 200lbs 50yo man just can’t stop crying and thanking me.
That was about three weeks ago. Today the ED director came and gave me a letter he wrote to me. Said that pain didn’t come back and that I gave him his life back.

So here I am stuck in the middle of two annoying situations that are dumping loads of stress on to me. I recently (by recently within the last 9 months) bought a car from Car Max and paid a pretty penny for a used car with low miles (around 6k miles and 1 owner). I'm loving the car and driving it as my daily, about 7-8 months go by and I've now put on about 9k miles and have taken it to a Subaru Dealership to have oil changed and look over the car. All appears well and in working order. I then begin noticing an issue with idle and cold starts where the engine seems to be struggling and shaking more than usual and then the dash lit up like a christmas tree. Take it to the Subaru dealer to run code and its VVT solenoid or cam shaft sprocket. They also find some debris in the oil. Change the oil and parts and its still having issues and is said to need a new engine per Master Tech at Subaru. MaxCare says they won't cover anything while there is still a manufacturer warranty in place. Subaru believes there may have been an issue or modified by the previous owner and when something started to arise they parted it back to stock and sold it. Now I'm stuck with the issue and dealing with Subaru and MaxCare (which doesn't seem to care to the max). subaru WRX
Second stress inducing issue is dealing with my Home Insurance, made a claim with Nationwide about storm damage to my roof causing water damage to the interior of my house. I had 3 independent contractors come out and inspect my roof as well as the interior damage to the room/attic. All three took photos and reported that there was storm damage from winds and an active leak due to said damage. So I file a claim with Nationwide and they send out an independent inspector to assess the damages for the claim. SeekNow is sent out and he comes into the house to photograph the interior damage and then go up on the roof to finish up the inspection. The inspector for SeekNow finishes and then leaves without saying a word. I wait a week and call Nationwide again to follow up as I have heard nothing from Nationwide or from SeekNow. I am told via phone call with my claims adjustor that the SeekNow inspector found no damage to my roof and no signs of storm damage. I was shocked and a bit peeved if I must be honest. I've had 3 different contractors inspect beforehand and all saw damage and shared with me photos of said damage to my home. So how could this inspector from SeekNow be so blind.
Sorry for the dump but I am in need of some advice. I'm a single income adult attempting to navigate these waters but I do not have the resources to pay for an engine to a new car with only 16k total miles nor do I have the money to pay for a new roof and the drywall/painting repair for the house. Nationwide does not seem to be on your side despite the jingle and CarMax/MaxCare does not seem to want to own up to not fully inspecting cars they purchase before off loading it onto the new customer.

I've really loved this show from the beginning, but one of the most frustrating aspects for me has been the way they handle the deaths of main characters. I feel like there's never a narrative purpose or connection to actual story telling, it's always been for shock value, and often in a way that robs the audience of payoff from long established storylines.
For example, when Dr. Melendez died, it was literally just because they hadn't killed a main character yet. They wanted to be "honest" with the audience, that sometimes bad things just happen. The problem is, they had spent several seasons establishing a potential relationship between him and Claire, and ultimately robbed the audience of that payoff. And when the audience is left frustrated from unresolved plotlines, it kind of takes away from the gravity of the character's death.
Asher's death was also sudden and unexpected, but I do think that it would have been handled better had we actually had a full season. I would have loved to see a more drawn out C plot of Asher coming to terms with his religion, hints of antisemitism in the community. Maybe an episode where he is treating someone that is vocally antisemtitic (maybe this exists but I can't remember it right now). A storyline where he ultimately comes to terms with his religion, he and Jerome get engaged and have a big Jewish wedding (audience payoff), and then he is tragically murdered. I know they had Asher killed in a hate crime to make a statement, but it feels like it was very rushed and the message feels kind of hollow. Ultimately not a bad choice to kill the character off, but poorly executed.
And now we come to Glassy and Claire. I'm going to be honest- Glassman should have died a long time ago. The series itself has been focused on Shawn's growth as a doctor but also as a person. At the beginning of the series, Shawn was very dependent on Glassman to stick up for him, validate his ideas, and interpret social interactions. But now Shawn is a very competent and respected surgeon in his own right, with a wife and son. He has a whole network of people who help him navigate socially. Glassman is still a really important presence in Shawn's life, but Shawn is no longer dependent on him. And the ultimate challenge to that growth would be to see what Shawn does when Glassman dies. But we're being denied that, because he's dying at the very end of the series. So what is the point in him dying?
As for Claire....I just want to give her a hug. The girl cannot have nice things! First her estranged father comes back, and he dies. Then she starts to repair her relationship with her mom, but looky there, she dies too. And when she finally starts to get a shred of happiness with Dr. Melendez, you guessed it, he dies. Claire is not allowed to have nice things. The writers finally put her out of her misery by giving her a beautiful send off where she finds fulfillment in helping people. Despite how they treated her, the writers knew she was a fan favorite and I was initially really excited when I first learned she was coming back for the finale. But my heart sank at that first promo when they said she had cancer. Why bring back a fan favorite, who you knew the audience loved and you had already given a nice send off, just to kill her off in the last episode? I know we don't actually know what's going to happen because the finale isn't until next week, but with their track record of making Claire the punching bag, I'm expecting the worst.
Now I'm not saying you can't kill off main characters- you can and absolutely should if it makes sense for the story/narrative. I've just been deeply unsatisfied with the way all major character deaths have been handled thus far. I'd be interested to see what others have thought about them. /endrant

I currently have one of the worst living situations possible and feel incredibly stuck. No clue what to do. To preface, I live in an illegal basement unit (not registered, not licensed, no separation for garbage/mail/hydro, connected by a door I boarded up from my side) I pay around $1700 all in for a one bedroom. My landlord never wants to clean the upstairs unit in between tenants, (I've been here 3 years, seen a few sets of tenants come and go) so the only type of tenants we get are messy themselves. That being said, the new upstairs tenants are loud, abusive to their children (cops have come a few times), and very messy. The woman, who I’ve never spoken to before, physically assaulted me, strangled me and tried to k*** me. I called 911 and she was arrested on two counts of assault. Cops thought it was a psychotic break. Her conditions state that she can’t have any contact with me but she stares me down anytime I go anywhere, they’ve taken away backyard access, and they blast death metal all day long while screaming about how its their legal right. I don't feel safe leaving my apartment and its really badly affected my business. I am agoraphobic now, and only leave my apartment at night. My landlord said that I shouldn’t complain about petty things (not sure how my safety is petty… but) so I don’t really know what to do. The music is never addressed, my landlord doesn’t care to do anything and is now scared of the upstairs tenant so only sends her husband, they enter my unit without 24hrs notice (waking me up with a phone call that they’re outside) to do things for the upstairs tenants but if I have something that needs to be fixed they couldn’t care less. I don’t feel safe living here and had a lot of damage done to my neck as is. For the amount I pay…. I just don’t know what to do. My lease is just a typed up single piece of paper that states things like "No ilea activity" (I assume illegal?) but even that has a clause that all tenants must be respectful, quiet and not cause problems. I just want to move and live in peace but with $1700 rent myself to pay each month and the time off I had to take after the assault, I cant afford to. I feel like the system is designed to protect nobody except the worst tenants on the planet. I'm really struggling mentally. Feels like there's no escape. Any advice would be extremely appreciated.
ETA: the landlord normally is okay to deal with and we’ve had a pretty easy time the last 3 years. She’s a realtor through a large corporation so she knows better than what she does, but also knows how to skirt around laws. Had 8 immigrants living in the 2bdrm unit at one point where the lawn turned into a parking lot and I really thought she was going to put more thought into the next set of tenants but it just didn’t happen. But she’s experienced and knows the laws, for sure

I'm referring mostly to the social aspect in this case.
I have always been basically a introverted loser due to my social anxiety. But as of recently (due to my gap year) I have been able to get all of my mental problems at least under control. I feel pretty confident in myself, but I am just lacking experience. I spent the last to years of high school at home because I didn't really have friends irl. Now I have made irl friends over the last year and we have started going to parties and such and things that I thought I hated, I actually loved.
Through this period I have gone from maybe a 4 to a solid 7, probably could make it to a 8/9 if I get down to 10% bf. Basically I'm asking how the hell I get invited to parties. I will be studying in the Netherland if that info is useful.
TL;DR: How does someone with not much experience get invited to parties