Xuefeng
First of all, we have to admit that the Bible is the accomplishment of the Ephraim which loyally records the Jewish history, explains the relationship between the God, Devil and human beings to the furthest degree, and gives the direction the human beings should take.
The Bible, the Koran, the Buddhist Scripture and the Tao Te Ching are the eternal and effective treasures and collections of human wisdom, teaching us how to behave and develop into the higher level of life space.
“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth”. The first sentence in the Bible did tell the truth. But the things covered by the cossack may not be the holly things. And the people wearing the sacred cassock may not be the abbot.
The problem with the Bible is that the God it introduces is not the genuine Greatest Creator.
We have known that the Greatest Creator has the 8 features. The Greatest Creator is unique and exclusive, amorphous, neutral, mysterious, impartial, merciful, supremely powerful and intelligent. The wisdom of the Greatest Creator is revealed through its creation of universe order, designing of LIFE program and knowing of the past and the future.
Then, does the God in the Bible have the above-mentioned 8 features?
Let’s explain this with examples.
The Betrayal of Adam and Eve
According to the Genesis, Adam and Eve were instigated to eat the fruit on the Wisdom Tree forbidden by the God in the Bible. Because they have violated the order of the God (in the Bible), they were repelled out of the Eden.
It indicates that the God in the Bible is a. incompetent; b. improvident; and c. unjust.
He is incompetent because he was a loser at the beginning. The first couple of human he created betrayed him. So can we still say it is supremely powerful?
Can we still believe in a “person” who often loses? The Great Flood had killed most of the human beings. What happened to them afterwards? They still wouldn’t listen to his words. The Moses Ten Commandments are actually the directives of the God in the Bible. Can you tell me how many of them are obeyed by the human being? Actually not even one. The God in the Bible seemed to know nothing about how to control the human beings. The only measure it takes is to voice warnings and threats against the human beings. Thousands of years has passed, the human beings remain the same. Is there no means to control the human beings? Or is there some other force constraining this Almighty God? If this is the case, is this God not sole or exclusive? For thousands of years, the human beings have been violating hisorder. What is he waiting for?
The God in the Bible is improvident because he didn’t know that Adam and Eve were going to betray him or the development trend of what he had created. Is this God, who is not able to predict the future or the past, still reliable? If the Earth is going to get out of the Solar System and this God knows nothing about it, how can he save the human beings? How can this GOD administer the deities, Buddha, celestial beings and Devils when he found it difficult to control the human beings? How can he manage the spacious Universe?
The God in the Bible is unjust because it cannot tell wrong from the right and because it is unreasonable.
Why would Adam and Eve betray the God in the Bible? There are three major reasons. First, the genetic structure of Adam and Eve had faults, or was imperfect. The life created by this God was now its own constraint. This angered the God very much. It is just like the house built by an architect who put every efforts was fallen and hit his own feet. Is the house or the architect that should be blamed?
The second reason they betrayed is that they were instigated and seduced by the snake. Adam and Eve are humans while behind the snake was the Devil Satan. The energy and wisdom of human beings can’t match those of the Devil. This God didn’t punish the Devil Satan. Instead, it imposed inflictions on Adam and Eve and drove them out of Eden. Is it fair? If a rapist raped an 8-year-old girl, would it be fair to blame the girl for her sexual organ and weakness instead of bringing justice to the rapist?
The third reason of betrayal, which is also the most important one, is the damned Wisdom Tree that can tell the good and evil. Who has planted it in the Eden and why? It’s just like putting a poisonous sweet on the dinner table for the kids. Or it’s like playing the porn video for the young girls while teaching them to retain their innocence. Would a moral person do such a thing? Isn’t this “person” who planted the Wisdom Tree in the Eden has caused the betrayal of Adam and Eve?
Besides, does this God, who had created Adam and Eve, has other measures to take rather than driving Adam and Eve out of the Eden? Is it fair not to give them a second chance simply because they have made only one mistake? Does one mistake justify their life-long sins?
Jesus came to the Mortal World to atone for the human beings’ sins. According to the Bible, all the people have their “original sin”. Where does the “original sin” come from? Actually, they are inherited from Adam and Eve, the ancestors of human beings, whose sins were formed because they had eaten the fruit on the damned Wisdom Tree.
When we are born, we have the “original sin” inherited from Adam and Eve. The “cross” on our back was much too heavy. According to this logic, “the son of a thief is always a thief”, “the son of a criminal is always a criminal”, and “the son of an emperor is always an emperor”. That’s why in ancient China, in the feudal period in particular, “If a man committed crime, all his family members would be sentenced to death”, or “If a man attained the Tao, even his pets ascended to Heaven”. This also explains why the thrones can only be passed on to the next generations of royal families. This is because it complies with the logic in the Bible.
If somebody has sins, the God in the Bible and the Satan sined first. Is it humanitarian to inflict on billions of humans throughout the history simply because of the wrongdoings of Adam and Eve? Why not executing Adam and Eve and creating a new pair of humans at the time? Is creating a new couple so difficult for the God in the Bible?
All the people are born with sins. This is why each of us comes to the Mortal World to endure the sufferings. But the sins are not inherited from our ancestors. They are made by oursleves in the previous cycle of life. If we don’t have sins, we would all have become Buddha or celestial beings.
Ten Plagues of Egypt
According to the Exodus, when Moses and Aaron, in the capacity of the GOD in the Bible, asked the Egyptian Pharaoh to let the Israelis leave Egypt, they were refused. Consequently, the GOD in the Bible imposed 10 plagues on Egypt. 1. Plague of Blood The water of the Nile will be changed into blood. The fish in the Nile will die, and the river will stink; the Egyptians will not be able to drink its water. 2. Plague of Frogs. The Nile will teem with frogs. They will come up into your palace and your bedroom and onto your bed, into the houses of your officials and on your people, and into your ovens and kneading troughs. The frogs will go up on you and your people and all your officials. 3. Plague of Lice.The dust of the ground became lice, lice came upon men and animals. All the dust throughout the land of Egypt became lice. 4. Plague of Flies The houses of the Egyptians will be full of flies, and even the ground where they are. 5. Plague of Livestock Death The fifth plague of Egypt was an epidemic disease which exterminated the Egyptian livestock; that is, horses, donkeys, camels, cattle, sheep and goats; 6. Plague of Boils The sixth plague of Egypt was Shkhin. The Shkhin was a kind of skin disease, usually translated as "boils".; 7. Plague of Hail The seventh plague of Egypt was a destructive storm; 8. Plague of Locusts Locusts will devour what little you have left after the hail, including every tree that is growing in your fields.; 9. Plague of Darkness Total darkness covered all Egypt for three days 10. Death of the Firstborn The tenth and final plague of Egypt was the death of all first born in Egypt — no one escaped, from the lowest servant to Pharaoh's own first-born son, including first-born of livestock.
It is understandable that the God punished Egypt because Egyptian Pharaoh wouldn’t obey his order. However, it was unreasonable and went too far to kill the first-born of all humans and animals in Egypt. You can punish the Egyptian Pharaoh for his disobedience. Why inflicting on the common people? Even worse, the God would kill the kids of the girl slaves working as donkeys in the lowest rank. Can we still say the God behaving like this merciful? It was behaving without humanitarianism just like a Devil.
Even more abominable, the Pharaoh of Egypt wouldn’t let the Israelis leave mainly because the God had hardened the Pharaoh’s heart. Before the Ten Plagues came, the God in the Bible had done something. According to 7:3 in the Exodus, Jehovah told Moses, “And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and multiply my signs and my wonders in the land of Egypt.”
It means the God in the Bible had prepared a trap for the Egyptians, trying to find an excuse for the following plagues. In Exodus 8:19, “Then the magicians said to Pharaoh, "This is the finger of God." But Pharaoh's heart was hardened, and he did not listen to them, as the LORD had said.”. In Exodus 9:35, “And the heart of Pharaoh was hardened, neither would he let the children of Israel go; as the LORD had spoken by Moses.” In Exodus 10:20, “But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go.” In Exodus 10:27, “But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let them go.” In Exodus 11:10, “And Moses and Aaron did all these wonders before Pharaoh: and the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go out of his land.”
It was the God in the Bible who let the Israelis leave Egypt. But it was the same God who had hardened the Pharaoh’s heart and sparked the conflicts so that the Israelis couldn’t leave Egypt easily. So what the God in the Bible was doing? It was encouraging the people to revolt while telling the authorities about the revolt and encouraging the government to oppress them mercilessly. Isn’t such a person a schemer and two-faced?
So is this the image of the Greatest Creator?
The Israelis Are the People of the Covenant
The Bible has the Old Testament and the New Testament. The part telling what happened before Jesus was born was called the Old Testament and the part telling things after Jesus was born was the New Testament. The Testament actually means agreement, covenant, and contract. The whole Bible is the agreement, covenant and contract between the Israelis and the Greatest Creator.
So here is a paradox. There are over 3,000 nations in the world and why the God has established the Testament with the Israelis? Does this mean the other nations are not the subjects of the God? If they are, why has the God only established the Testament with the Israelis while neglecting all the other nations? If they are not, what’s the origin of all the other nations? Are Adam and Eve only the ancestors of Israelis and not the other nations? The Israelis are created by the God. Does it mean the other nations are created by the Devil?
There are 1,656 years between the Genesis and the Great Flood. There are 857 years between the Great Flood and the Exodus. There are 396 years between the Exodus and the founding of the Israeli State. There are 510 years between the founding of the Israeli State and their captive to Babylon. There are 152 years between their imprisonment in Babylon and the reestablishment of Jerusalem. There are 450 years between the rebuilding of Jerusalem and the birth of Jesus. There are 2003 years between the birth of Jesus and today. So according to the Bible, the history of human beings is about 6,376 years.
According to the Bible, there were only 8 people survived the Great Flood on the Earth. They were the couple of Noah, their three sons and their wives. It means that 4,700 years ago, there was no one else living on the Earth except for the Noah family.
But this has brought some other questions. First, where do the American Indians come from? According to the theory of Continental Drift, America drifted away from the other continents. But it couldn’t happen within 4,700 years of time. Then how the Noah family reached America from the Middle East? After the Great Flood, there were only 8 members in Noah family. It was impossible for them to get dispersed. Noah couldn’t let one of his sons and his wife to cross the freezing Siberia and the Bering Strait to get to America.
Second, where did the African blacks come from? From the perspective of genetics, the blacks, yellows and whites have their separate ancestors. A couple of pure whites couldn’t generate the blacks and yellows. Even the evolvement couldn’t produce the blacks and yellows in 3,700 years of time. Besides, according to Darwin’s evolutionary theory, the survival of the fittest, could the Israelis able to write the Bible evolve into the African blacks? The blacks are not the matches of Israelis in the intelligence no matter how we exaggerate their abilities.
Now let’s come to the Chinese nation. The first Chinese King was born about 4,600 years ago. The story of Dayu‘s Flood Control happened about 4,200 years ago. It was impossible for the future generations of Noah to come to mainland China 100 years after the Great Flood. Even if they did it, how could they produce so many people who followed Dayu to control the flood?
Where does the Chinese nation come from? Are the Flood Control by Dayu were just the Great Flood?
From the perspective of the Bible, the biological evolutionary theory could never be accepted. But once we accepted the theory, it would deny the theory that the God created the human beings. But if we denied the evolutionary theory, there was no way to explain the origin of the blacks and yellows and we can’t say Adam and Eve are the common ancestors of all human beings.
The Story of Cain
The first child of Adam and Eve, after they were driven out of the Eden, was Cain, followed by Abel. “And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD. And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering: But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect.” Out of jealousy, Cain killed his brother Abel.
We want to ask the God in the Bible some questions, “Why do you favor the offerings of Abel instead of those of Cain? Is Cain killing his brother Abel not your fault? If you had never favored one of them, how could it arouse the jealousy of Cain? Why the people created by you had so many troubles? Adam and Eve wouldn’t follow your orders and their kids killed each other. As the God, you don’t have the ability to solve these problems? Or is it what you have designed?
Cain was a murderer and deserved the punishment. But you told Cain, “Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.”
So what kind of the justice standard is it? It is hardly understandable not to levy the punishment on the criminal. But it is even more understandable to have revenge of sevenfold on those who would punish the criminal. Is it protecting the criminal?
That’s why the few thousand years of human history were full of blood, violence and crime. The God in the Bible has been protecting the criminals.
“Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.” Because Cain is a criminal, we can fully understand it as ““Therefore whosoever slayeth the criminal, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.””
We can conclude we had better become criminals because the criminals are protected and the good men are not. The good men have the risk of being revenged sevenfold.
The Prophet and the Dream
In the Bible, there are a large number of prophets and dreams. The prophets are the representatives of the God in the Mortal World. They have unimaginable wisdom and power, which sink the average people with average wisdom into the mist. If someone says, “I am a prophet”, should we believe him or not. If we don’t, we are standing against the God. If we do, how can we know the prophet is a fake or not?
Now let’s talk about the dreams. There are many dreams and dream analysis in the Bible, in particular in the Revelation. Of course, those who can analyze the dreams are all prophets. But they have also brought a lot of puzzles.
First, has the prophet had the dream at all? No one could see his dream and he could well compose some dreams and cheat us. If he really had the dream, was his analysis correct, or was he analyzing the dream on the reverse aspect?
I want to ask the God in the Bible, in the Old Testament, you used to talk directly with the human beings. Then why you stopped doing so later? Are the Adam and Eve on other planets also disobeying your orders? Why would you warn the human beings in the form of dreams? Why not tell us the truth directly? Don’t you have the ability to do so? Don’t you have time? Don you have some secret sorrow?
I can give many other examples to state that the God in the Bible does not have the features of being unique and exclusive, amorphous, neutral, mysterious, impartial, supremely powerful, merciful and wise as genuine Greatest Creator has.
So we can affirm that “the God in the Bible is not the genuine Greatest Creator”.

Xuefeng First of all, we have to admit that the Bible is the accomplishment of the Ephraim which loyally records the Jewish history, explains the relationship between the God, Devil and human beings to the furthest degree, and gives the direction the human beings should take. The Bible, the Koran, the Buddhist Scripture and the Tao Te Ching are the eternal and effective treasures and collections of human wisdom, teaching us how to behave and develop into the higher level of life space. “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth”. The first sentence in the Bible did tell the truth. But the things covered by the cossack may not be the holly things. And the people wearing the sacred cassock may not be the abbot. The problem with the Bible is that the God it introduces is not the genuine Greatest Creator. We have known that the Greatest Creator has the 8 features. The Greatest Creator is unique and exclusive, amorphous, neutral, mysterious, impartial, merciful, supremely powerful and intelligent. The wisdom of the Greatest Creator is revealed through its creation of universe order, designing of LIFE program and knowing of the past and the future. Then, does the God in the Bible have the above-mentioned 8 features? Let’s explain this with examples. The Betrayal of Adam and Eve According to the Genesis, Adam and Eve were instigated to eat the fruit on the Wisdom Tree forbidden by the God in the Bible. Because they have violated the order of the God (in the Bible), they were repelled out of the Eden. It indicates that the God in the Bible is a. incompetent; b. improvident; and c. unjust. He is incompetent because he was a loser at the beginning. The first couple of human he created betrayed him. So can we still say it is supremely powerful? Can we still believe in a “person” who often loses? The Great Flood had killed most of the human beings. What happened to them afterwards? They still wouldn’t listen to his words. The Moses Ten Commandments are actually the directives of the God in the Bible. Can you tell me how many of them are obeyed by the human being? Actually not even one. The God in the Bible seemed to know nothing about how to control the human beings. The only measure it takes is to voice warnings and threats against the human beings. Thousands of years has passed, the human beings remain the same. Is there no means to control the human beings? Or is there some other force constraining this Almighty God? If this is the case, is this God not sole or exclusive? For thousands of years, the human beings have been violating hisorder. What is he waiting for? The God in the Bible is improvident because he didn’t know that Adam and Eve were going to betray him or the development trend of what he had created. Is this God, who is not able to predict the future or the past, still reliable? If the Earth is going to get out of the Solar System and this God knows nothing about it, how can he save the human beings? How can this GOD administer the deities, Buddha, celestial beings and Devils when he found it difficult to control the human beings? How can he manage the spacious Universe? The God in the Bible is unjust because it cannot tell wrong from the right and because it is unreasonable. Why would Adam and Eve betray the God in the Bible? There are three major reasons. First, the genetic structure of Adam and Eve had faults, or was imperfect. The life created by this God was now its own constraint. This angered the God very much. It is just like the house built by an architect who put every efforts was fallen and hit his own feet. Is the house or the architect that should be blamed? The second reason they betrayed is that they were instigated and seduced by the snake. Adam and Eve are humans while behind the snake was the Devil Satan. The energy and wisdom of human beings can’t match those of the Devil. This God didn’t punish the Devil Satan. Instead, it imposed inflictions on Adam and Eve and drove them out of Eden. Is it fair? If a rapist raped an 8-year-old girl, would it be fair to blame the girl for her sexual organ and weakness instead of bringing justice to the rapist? The third reason of betrayal, which is also the most important one, is the damned Wisdom Tree that can tell the good and evil. Who has planted it in the Eden and why? It’s just like putting a poisonous sweet on the dinner table for the kids. Or it’s like playing the porn video for the young girls while teaching them to retain their innocence. Would a moral person do such a thing? Isn’t this “person” who planted the Wisdom Tree in the Eden has caused the betrayal of Adam and Eve? Besides, does this God, who had created Adam and Eve, has other measures to take rather than driving Adam and Eve out of the Eden? Is it fair not to give them a second chance simply because they have made only one mistake? Does one mistake justify their life-long sins? Jesus came to the Mortal World to atone for the human beings’ sins. According to the Bible, all the people have their “original sin”. Where does the “original sin” come from? Actually, they are inherited from Adam and Eve, the ancestors of human beings, whose sins were formed because they had eaten the fruit on the damned Wisdom Tree. When we are born, we have the “original sin” inherited from Adam and Eve. The “cross” on our back was much too heavy. According to this logic, “the son of a thief is always a thief”, “the son of a criminal is always a criminal”, and “the son of an emperor is always an emperor”. That’s why in ancient China, in the feudal period in particular, “If a man committed crime, all his family members would be sentenced to death”, or “If a man attained the Tao, even his pets ascended to Heaven”. This also explains why the thrones can only be passed on to the next generations of royal families. This is because it complies with the logic in the Bible. If somebody has sins, the God in the Bible and the Satan sined first. Is it humanitarian to inflict on billions of humans throughout the history simply because of the wrongdoings of Adam and Eve? Why not executing Adam and Eve and creating a new pair of humans at the time? Is creating a new couple so difficult for the God in the Bible? All the people are born with sins. This is why each of us comes to the Mortal World to endure the sufferings. But the sins are not inherited from our ancestors. They are made by oursleves in the previous cycle of life. If we don’t have sins, we would all have become Buddha or celestial beings. Ten Plagues of Egypt According to the Exodus, when Moses and Aaron, in the capacity of the GOD in the Bible, asked the Egyptian Pharaoh to let the Israelis leave Egypt, they were refused. Consequently, the GOD in the Bible imposed 10 plagues on Egypt. 1. Plague of Blood The water of the Nile will be changed into blood. The fish in the Nile will die, and the river will stink; the Egyptians will not be able to drink its water. 2. Plague of Frogs. The Nile will teem with frogs. They will come up into your palace and your bedroom and onto your bed, into the houses of your officials and on your people, and into your ovens and kneading troughs. The frogs will go up on you and your people and all your officials. 3. Plague of Lice.The dust of the ground became lice, lice came upon men and animals. All the dust throughout the land of Egypt became lice. 4. Plague of Flies The houses of the Egyptians will be full of flies, and even the ground where they are. 5. Plague of Livestock Death The fifth plague of Egypt was an epidemic disease which exterminated the Egyptian livestock; that is, horses, donkeys, camels, cattle, sheep and goats; 6. Plague of Boils The sixth plague of Egypt was Shkhin. The Shkhin was a kind of skin disease, usually translated as "boils".; 7. Plague of Hail The seventh plague of Egypt was a destructive storm; 8. Plague of Locusts Locusts will devour what little you have left after the hail, including every tree that is growing in your fields.; 9. Plague of Darkness Total darkness covered all Egypt for three days 10. Death of the Firstborn The tenth and final plague of Egypt was the death of all first born in Egypt — no one escaped, from the lowest servant to Pharaoh's own first-born son, including first-born of livestock. It is understandable that the God punished Egypt because Egyptian Pharaoh wouldn’t obey his order. However, it was unreasonable and went too far to kill the first-born of all humans and animals in Egypt. You can punish the Egyptian Pharaoh for his disobedience. Why inflicting on the common people? Even worse, the God would kill the kids of the girl slaves working as donkeys in the lowest rank. Can we still say the God behaving like this merciful? It was behaving without humanitarianism just like a Devil. Even more abominable, the Pharaoh of Egypt wouldn’t let the Israelis leave mainly because the God had hardened the Pharaoh’s heart. Before the Ten Plagues came, the God in the Bible had done something. According to 7:3 in the Exodus, Jehovah told Moses, “And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and multiply my signs and my wonders in the land of Egypt.” It means the God in the Bible had prepared a trap for the Egyptians, trying to find an excuse for the following plagues. In Exodus 8:19, “Then the magicians said to Pharaoh, "This is the finger of God." But Pharaoh's heart was hardened, and he did not listen to them, as the LORD had said.”. In Exodus 9:35, “And the heart of Pharaoh was hardened, neither would he let the children of Israel go; as the LORD had spoken by Moses.” In Exodus 10:20, “But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go.” In Exodus 10:27, “But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let them go.” In Exodus 11:10, “And Moses and Aaron did all these wonders before Pharaoh: and the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go out of his land.” It was the God in the Bible who let the Israelis leave Egypt. But it was the same God who had hardened the Pharaoh’s heart and sparked the conflicts so that the Israelis couldn’t leave Egypt easily. So what the God in the Bible was doing? It was encouraging the people to revolt while telling the authorities about the revolt and encouraging the government to oppress them mercilessly. Isn’t such a person a schemer and two-faced? So is this the image of the Greatest Creator? The Israelis Are the People of the Covenant The Bible has the Old Testament and the New Testament. The part telling what happened before Jesus was born was called the Old Testament and the part telling things after Jesus was born was the New Testament. The Testament actually means agreement, covenant, and contract. The whole Bible is the agreement, covenant and contract between the Israelis and the Greatest Creator. So here is a paradox. There are over 3,000 nations in the world and why the God has established the Testament with the Israelis? Does this mean the other nations are not the subjects of the God? If they are, why has the God only established the Testament with the Israelis while neglecting all the other nations? If they are not, what’s the origin of all the other nations? Are Adam and Eve only the ancestors of Israelis and not the other nations? The Israelis are created by the God. Does it mean the other nations are created by the Devil? There are 1,656 years between the Genesis and the Great Flood. There are 857 years between the Great Flood and the Exodus. There are 396 years between the Exodus and the founding of the Israeli State. There are 510 years between the founding of the Israeli State and their captive to Babylon. There are 152 years between their imprisonment in Babylon and the reestablishment of Jerusalem. There are 450 years between the rebuilding of Jerusalem and the birth of Jesus. There are 2003 years between the birth of Jesus and today. So according to the Bible, the history of human beings is about 6,376 years. According to the Bible, there were only 8 people survived the Great Flood on the Earth. They were the couple of Noah, their three sons and their wives. It means that 4,700 years ago, there was no one else living on the Earth except for the Noah family. But this has brought some other questions. First, where do the American Indians come from? According to the theory of Continental Drift, America drifted away from the other continents. But it couldn’t happen within 4,700 years of time. Then how the Noah family reached America from the Middle East? After the Great Flood, there were only 8 members in Noah family. It was impossible for them to get dispersed. Noah couldn’t let one of his sons and his wife to cross the freezing Siberia and the Bering Strait to get to America. Second, where did the African blacks come from? From the perspective of genetics, the blacks, yellows and whites have their separate ancestors. A couple of pure whites couldn’t generate the blacks and yellows. Even the evolvement couldn’t produce the blacks and yellows in 3,700 years of time. Besides, according to Darwin’s evolutionary theory, the survival of the fittest, could the Israelis able to write the Bible evolve into the African blacks? The blacks are not the matches of Israelis in the intelligence no matter how we exaggerate their abilities. Now let’s come to the Chinese nation. The first Chinese King was born about 4,600 years ago. The story of Dayu‘s Flood Control happened about 4,200 years ago. It was impossible for the future generations of Noah to come to mainland China 100 years after the Great Flood. Even if they did it, how could they produce so many people who followed Dayu to control the flood? Where does the Chinese nation come from? Are the Flood Control by Dayu were just the Great Flood? From the perspective of the Bible, the biological evolutionary theory could never be accepted. But once we accepted the theory, it would deny the theory that the God created the human beings. But if we denied the evolutionary theory, there was no way to explain the origin of the blacks and yellows and we can’t say Adam and Eve are the common ancestors of all human beings. The Story of Cain The first child of Adam and Eve, after they were driven out of the Eden, was Cain, followed by Abel. “And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD. And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering: But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect.” Out of jealousy, Cain killed his brother Abel. We want to ask the God in the Bible some questions, “Why do you favor the offerings of Abel instead of those of Cain? Is Cain killing his brother Abel not your fault? If you had never favored one of them, how could it arouse the jealousy of Cain? Why the people created by you had so many troubles? Adam and Eve wouldn’t follow your orders and their kids killed each other. As the God, you don’t have the ability to solve these problems? Or is it what you have designed? Cain was a murderer and deserved the punishment. But you told Cain, “Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.” So what kind of the justice standard is it? It is hardly understandable not to levy the punishment on the criminal. But it is even more understandable to have revenge of sevenfold on those who would punish the criminal. Is it protecting the criminal? That’s why the few thousand years of human history were full of blood, violence and crime. The God in the Bible has been protecting the criminals. “Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.” Because Cain is a criminal, we can fully understand it as ““Therefore whosoever slayeth the criminal, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.”” We can conclude we had better become criminals because the criminals are protected and the good men are not. The good men have the risk of being revenged sevenfold. The Prophet and the Dream In the Bible, there are a large number of prophets and dreams. The prophets are the representatives of the God in the Mortal World. They have unimaginable wisdom and power, which sink the average people with average wisdom into the mist. If someone says, “I am a prophet”, should we believe him or not. If we don’t, we are standing against the God. If we do, how can we know the prophet is a fake or not? Now let’s talk about the dreams. There are many dreams and dream analysis in the Bible, in particular in the Revelation. Of course, those who can analyze the dreams are all prophets. But they have also brought a lot of puzzles. First, has the prophet had the dream at all? No one could see his dream and he could well compose some dreams and cheat us. If he really had the dream, was his analysis correct, or was he analyzing the dream on the reverse aspect? I want to ask the God in the Bible, in the Old Testament, you used to talk directly with the human beings. Then why you stopped doing so later? Are the Adam and Eve on other planets also disobeying your orders? Why would you warn the human beings in the form of dreams? Why not tell us the truth directly? Don’t you have the ability to do so? Don’t you have time? Don you have some secret sorrow? I can give many other examples to state that the God in the Bible does not have the features of being unique and exclusive, amorphous, neutral, mysterious, impartial, supremely powerful, merciful and wise as genuine Greatest Creator has. So we can affirm that “the God in the Bible is not the genuine Greatest Creator”.

Prison has resumed to its normal self after the three days’ search interlude. If I'm to choose a theme song for this period it'd be The Storm is Over by R Kelly because that's just what it feels like. Today feels like the next day after a prolonged period of crisis, the first day of sunrise after extended tenure of darkness. Call it the day of days if we can say that.
Opening time was at 8 am. Inmates rushed out excitedly from their cells in such a way that one would think an announcement just came that everyone is free. I don't blame anyone though. We only had 20 minutes of open-out each of those days.
I remained in my bunk while others jostled out from their cells to everywhere within the four walls. I think the thing in open-out for me is having others go out so I can stay inside in peace. Nothing in my going out, I hardly do these days anyway. Though I admit that there's a good feel to knowing you can go out when you choose even if you don't. Knowing you can is freeing.
Things and structures are gradually falling back in place. The guys in the privileged blocks – Blocks One and Two – are gradually having their stuff which were transported out of the yard motored back into it. Though some of them haven't been able to start cooking due to having their entire “kitchen” taken out.
The basketball court was busy. Infact, every activity formerly allowed in prison has come back. Things are just as if nothing happened. I haven't found one person crying for having lost his phone, but then I haven't seen many people since I haven't gone out of the cell besides when I stepped out to sun my sweat-soaked pillow.
At night, after lock-up, prison law came down heavily upon those who sinned during the search days. The court cell convened and four cases were tried. Then the court dissolved and the cell was silenced for the provost.
He took the floor and addressed everyone, pointing out that some cell members disobeyed the order to make sure no contraband (phone) was found in the cell. His intention was to caution them but Sunny, the clever cobbler, became very unruly and put them all in trouble.
Meanwhile, the provost had earlier called us into a quick meeting during the day concerning issues in the cell. Majorly, these people were the focus and our position was that they be warned or punished according to the provost's wish.
Sunny becoming unruly while the provost made to warn them automatically instantiated the punishment protocol. Instead of warning, they were ordered to change themselves to other cells before lock-up tomorrow. And everyone answered “as you worship pleases.” They're all persona non grata now. Even Cell Pastor Isi is affected, I’ve been protecting him for long but no more. He leaves the cell with the others except something else comes up.
Tomorrow is Thursday. Authority Day and late opening will surely be in place.
Goodnight Diary!

I have DID. My partner and I both had very very traumatic childhoods. His almost seems worse than mine sometimes (I know, no trauma comparing) we’ve known eachother for 13 years, witnessed each other being abused, both of us have lived together and supported eachother through our trauma healing for the last 5-6 years. They have all the same behaviour I have, to the point where one of our parts said to us “if they don’t have DID, than we don’t.” Jokingly. They have the same type of expirences we have, but explain it away as something else, even when that explanation doesn’t make sense or add up. They’ve called themselves “we.” We treat them as if they have DID because if we don’t, we get into fights with him, unintentionally. I literally can’t treat him as a singlet because it doesn’t work for him. This is what led to us realizing he acts like someone with DID, before we thought that’s what was happening, we witnessed his changes in affect and behavior and his denial of things he’s said or done as possible gaslighting and one of our protectors almost forced us to break up with him over it. (That protector has since changed their mind and now trusts him—as he’s never once tried to hurt us) Since respecting all his different states as their own parts and refusing to question their contradictions and memory loss, since I’ve stopped treating him like a singlet and only expect from him what I’d expect of someone with DID—our relationship has become very harmonious and he’s seemed to open up and feel a lot safer around me than before. They don’t know that we treat them as if they have DID, we’ve had to adjust quietly, because the idea that they have DID triggers them so much that they treat us with legit ptsd type fear if we bring up the possibility. I’ve sworn that I’ve seen them switch many times. I have a list of the different states and how they act, their different preferences, I take notes in case one day he wants to know what I’ve witnessed. He refers to “different parts” of himself by titles like “New York me” and “Teenaged me” He told me he has “perfect memory” and nervously laughed about it, so I asked what we both did three days ago and he couldn’t remember anything at all, and using humor as a coping mechanism said “no! That doesn’t count!” and we both laughed about it. They are already diagnosed with DP/DR and severe ptsd for context. They have childlike parts that sound like little kids and want to be treated like little kids and cannot engage in anything inappropriate, after a very stressful situation the other day, one of those littles told me their name. Just announced it. I’ve tried to point out the signs of DID to them before and met a very very angry version of them I’ve never seen before who looked at me like I was a threat to their existence and threatened me to never bring it up ever again or else. (Which legit scared me, I’d never seen him treat me like that or act that way before and he looked at me like I was nothing but a threat to his existence. He never brought it up again, When I asked him about it a week later he had no idea what I was talking about, and only remembered the moments right before and right after, and he refused to believe he missed time in between. He then started dissociating and acting physically triggered so I dropped it)
So what do I do? I told the alter part that recently announced themselves that I loved their name and just went along with it, engaged with them as an adult would to a kid, and didn’t point anything out. I just treated them like they were always there and talked about whatever they wanted to talk about. I looked for signs of switching throughout the rest of the day and just acclimated to each part as I noticed them.
Do I keep up what I’ve been doing? If they start rapid switching or having a dissociative episode I comfort them the way I comfort my system and it works really well. When they switch I (for lack of a better word) code-switch and adjust to how I know that alter wants to be treated. (They all want to be treated differently—-which is why I had to start treating them like a system—-otherwise they’d get in fights with me because I’d point out that “as a singlet” they keep expecting so many different and opposite things from me and I can’t keep up, which just made them very defensive and would cause them to deny this fact and around we went in circles)
So should I respect the alter than told me to back off and not bring it up and just continue to be covertly aware and respect his different parts needs and adjust to them? It’s not super hard for me, it’s exhuasting to an extent but not the way it is for me to mask my autism or other things I deal with. It feels kind of healing to treat him the way I like to be treated, and he treats me just like that too. (He’s very good about me being a system and seems to intuitively understand a lot without me even needing to explain and has actually given me a lot of insight, something that so far only other “known” system-friends have been able to provide for me.)
They are going thru an extremely stressful financial period right now and have no health insurance for therapist and no access to the prescribed medication they need, and need to stay stable and in control in order to afford rent and hold down a job. So I do not think doing anything to risk causing him a crisis would be safe for him but I really want him to find healing and therapy eventually. Just looking for advice?

Here‘s a guide for Coop Mode:

Coop Captain:

How does Coop Captain work?

Coop Captain is any character that is either lvl 150 or you use a Coop Tome on. These Characters have predefined specials, Captain Abilities and Actions, which will apply to both teams. Rare Recruits (rr) or sugo rares (sr) have the identical coop abilities, so it doesn‘t matter which one you pick. Since these Captains have predefined abilities, Don‘t use OP Captains as Coop Captains (e.g any new SR or characters like G5 Luffy). It is better to use Rr or old legends, as those don‘t have Captain Abilities you might want to use.

What do the Coop Captains do?

The Abilities of Coop Captains are predefined, working as follows:
Captain Ability: Every Captain is a 4.5x boost of their Color (base effect) up to 6x (max lvl) and a rainbow Captain from 4.25x to 5.75x including a HP boost
Captain Action: Applies a 30% Resistance down of Characters 1st class for 2 turns and a 20% Resistance down of Characters 2nd class. Use this when you need that extra push in damage, for example on the boss. The effect is triggered by swiping down (like EX, Switch or Captain Action)
Captain Special: This is by far the most important aspect of your Captain, as this can hab the Tide of battle, when deciding who you wish to use, you should focus on this criteria. The Ability of the Captain is only based off of Rumble Style the Character has. Here‘s the Breakdown: - RCV-Style: Reduces unfavorable status icons on you and partner by 1-2 turns and heals all players (this does not include Hunger or status effects like bind, despair etc.) - DBF-Style: Delays all enemies (not bypassing immunity) by 1-3 turns and removes all enemy effects by 1 turn - DEF-Style: Reduces damage taken by 50%-90% for all players 1-2 times and heals all players - SPT-Style: Changes all player‘s (including block) slots to Favourable and reduces special charge by 1-2 turns and extends beneficial effects by 1-2 turns - BAL-Style: Reduces 1 enemy‘s HP by 15%-25%, heals all players (up to 2x Hp pool) and reduces everyone‘s Bind/Despair by 1-2 turns - ATK-Style: 250‘000-2‘000‘000 Damage (bypassing everything) to all enemies, changes both players‘ type slots to own type and reduces all players‘ Special charge by 2 turns

Which Coop Captain is the best / should you focus on?

Assuming you are playing with randoms, it is exactly in this Order: 1. RCV-Style 2. DBF-Style 3. DEF-Style 4. SPT-Style 5. BAL-Style 6. ATK-Style
This is because the 2 turns effect removal is OP. bleed? pain? Not with this special. Healing is also essential for playing with randoms, because you can make sure they survive so that you can clear the rest of the stage. Second is DBF, because they remove all enemy buffs by 1 turn, which allows you to save a special On the mob-stages or reduce damage limiter. The delay is also good, because if you don‘t manage to kill, you wouldn‘t get their atk damage. Next is DEF for its survivability SPT for extension and possibly special charge reducer (however, this character isn‘t immune to it BAL is situational, could be useful, but they don‘t reduce effects more than a simple support does. Don‘t use ATK-Style, the damage is a fucking joke, so only the special cooldown is useful, but SPT already does this
If you play with a teammate, I recommend using 1 DBF Style for the fodder stages (reducing def up) and one RCV Style for survivability and reducing of annoying effects like Pain, Bleed etc.

Coop Teams

What are the requirements for Coop Teams?

This Text is focusing on Infinitum Sea Difficulty:
Generally, you want to have a Team that is capable of: - Regular medium Damage Output (switch Characters with some type of ATK boosting effects) - Bind/DespaiParalysis Remover (this should be done via Captain and Supports) - Poison remover (as support Character, very important) - Enemy Buff Remover (I recommend 2 characters to be able to remove up to 10 turns of all 3 main buffs) - If you are unable (because of missions or other reasons) to be capable of all these things,focus on survivability and debuff removers, so that you can kill the fodder stages and can skip your turn at the boss to have your teammate clear it. - You want to use a Captain that removes some type of debuff on your crew passively, if they remove 2 that‘s even better (e.g Yamato Ace, G5 6* Luffy, Vegapunk)

General best use Crew

The Best General Team you can build is:
Psy Luffy G5 6* RCV-Style Coop Captain (preferably a Straw Hat) STND Sanji / Zoro Straw Hat that removes Def Up (Nami Carina for example) Yamato Unit (e.g Yace for resilience) Debuff Remover (e.g Psy Cerebral Chopper)
Add some supports that remove Despair (Whitebeard on Yace, Luffy has V1 INT Reileigh) Add a Support that removes Poison
With this team you can Solo Infinitum, as long as your Parnter doesn‘t die and skips their turn if they can‘t defeat the boss this turn.
This team is OP, because with Luffy’s EX you bypass all barriers, only needing to deal with Def Up. Zoro/Sanji give you amazing attack boosting effects, and a STND for even more damage. They also remove Def zip, but you should use this only on the boss stage. All other characters are more or less free to use what you want, but you want to make sure to have some debuff removers, Def Up removers and make sure to be able to trigger STND every turn (so someone like Yamato/Ace is amazing, as their burn bypasses resilience and they change their slot (including block), which can then be switched by Zoro/Sanji

What do you play for?

Every month there will be a Coop Event, where you can grind for Stones for that specific 3 month period. After 3 months there will be the Grand Feast Sugo Fest, where you can pull with the Stones you have grinded over the past 3 months. Here, a multi pull costs 100 gems, and at the end of the event you will only get 5 multipulls out of all the pulls you‘ve done. Based on the rarity (and how recent the character is) your get points for the ranking, which will give you even more rewards (Rainbow Gems, SR Tickets) The Grand Feast Sugo Fest will have all normal banner legends from before the 1st month event period started (right now this means all legends up until and including QCK Slasher Momo)

How does Luck / Boosted Units work?

Luck affects which drops you get while clearing a Coop Quest. Drops you can get are (not exclusive as I will probably forget something uninteresting): - Feast Stones - Cotton Candy - Special Level Tomes (including Sugo Rare) - Proof of Friendship
Luck is only affected by your Coop Captain and your Partners’ Coop Captain. You will get 1 luck every 5 levels and 1 luck for each rr of the same evolution tree and 2 luck for a sr for the same evolution tree. Your luck maxes at 100, meaning with your Partner the maximum luck you can have is 200. Boosted Units give you extra drops (similar to PKA or Blitz). However, different to those modes, you don’t need them in your crew, simply having the character unlocked is sufficient.

Communication

Lastly, but very important is communication. While the current ways to communicate are very limited, thee are a few messages you can use, which will allow you to more easily power through the content. Here’s how I’ve used and interpreted the ones I’m using: - Help Me: You are unable to clear this stage. This can mean either a debuff on you, or you can’t remove all enemy buffs. If the issue is that you have debuffs, try to stall while taking as little damage as possible and dealing as much as possible. If you simply can’t remove all enemy buffs, either a) it’s the boss: remove as many as you can, then skip your turn (top left next to the partner’s HP) b) fodder stage: Simply skip your turn - Let me Handle this: Mainly use this on the boss or if your teammate uses Help Me. This tells your Teammate to skip their turn, and let you kill all enemies - Please Remove that: Mainly used at the boss, letting your partner know they should remove enemy buffs as much as possible and then skip to you, because except for this enemy buff your can clear the stage - I’m sorry: Apologize if you didn’t manage to clear your stage, this is solely to be a good person and upkeep moral - Thank you / My thanks: Thsnking your teammate for something they’ve done, this is to upkeep moral and being a good person - Usopp Burn Emoji: Something fucked up. Very vague, I don’t recommend using this to properly communicate with your teammate - Wait! Stay strong: This tells your Partner they should stall, so for example only killing one enemy, or keeping the enemy left on low HP - We need a few more Communication Emojis, for example that you need debuffs removed

Use Skip

You can only skip your turn once in a row, and if you have skipped your partner cannot skip in that exact turn. When skipping, you do not lose a turn on the effects you have, so when you have a debuff on you and you skip your turn, you’ll not reduce any turns of debuff that’s currently on you. Skip is overpowered as fuck, especially on the boss stage, because it is the other player’s turn without the boss doing anything. Take a boss like Luffy. He does a lot of debuffs on you, so you remove as much def as you can, and then simply skip to your partner. Assuming you have cleared all stages prior, your Partner will now have nearly all specials and no debuffs on a boss with about 50mil HP. That is very easy. If you can’t defeat the current stages enemies, don’t forget you have a skip button
Please. Use. Your. Skip. At. The. Boss, especially when your teammate tells you “let me handle this”.
If there are any infos missing or wrong, please let me know so I can update this guide. I’m also open for questions

There's been a lot of talk around balance lately, particularly some (in my opinion) valid complaints about certain nerfs not making sense.
With that in mind, here are some suggestions around balance. The focus here is on fun and uniqueness.
Credit for most suggestions goes to the Helldivers community. I've mostly compiled what others have said, though I've tried to be more specific about stat recommendations.
For anyone who doesn't know, the stats shown on-screen are not the full picture. For instance, the CEO has said recoil is actually governed by 14 different values. However, I wanted to be as specific as possible.
For anyone wondering, I'm around level 50 and play on various difficulties, most often 7.
When in doubt, I've erred on the side of smaller versus larger changes, which I think is a good approach to balance in general.
Some more general thoughts about balance about the bottom, but for now, let's just dive in...
Liberator: Honestly great as-is; well-rounded starter for clearing crowds, compensated by being bad against armor.
Liberator Penetrator: VERY underpowered due to a 30-round mag (versus 45 for the Liberator), and 45 (versus 60) damage, though it does have Medium armor penetration. It's very strange that the "Penetrator" does far less damage than its "vanilla" variant. Suggest raising damage to 65 and keeping the clip at 30 rounds to emphasize its specialty anti-armor role.
Liberator Concussive: Suggest raising damage to 75. Come on... it shoots explosive, um, concussive rounds. The smaller clip would still balance it versus the basic Liberator, while the lack of Medium penetration would mean it doesn't invalidate the Penetrator.
Tenderizer: Suggest raising damage to 75 on this one too, or it will be completely invalidated by the Liberator variants (as it currently is...). This would make it a smaller-capacity, higher-caliber alternative, which aligns with the description. Also, ammo should be fully refilled by drops (as most other guns are) and the color fixed to match the trailer. Guessing these were oversights.
Adjudicator: Well-balanced thanks to recent buffs, but I do think the recoil should be more like 30-35 instead of 40. I'm a big fan (and liked it even before the buff), but it feels strangely hard to control the recoil, especially now that it's considered an assault rifle.
Diligence: Think it's great after the buffs. Not always ideal for bugs (though I use it for that too), but great for bots. No changes.
Diligence Counter-Sniper: Love it after the buffs; it was terrible before. I do think it should have 8 mags instead of 6 (matching the Diligence in mags, but still with less ammo overall due to a clip of 15 versus 20). It feels like it runs out way too fast.
Defender: Honestly not sure; I rarely use it and haven't read much about it. I suspect this means it's decent as-is.
Pummeler: Similar to Defender but less fire rate and lower damage in exchange for stun. Well-received by the community; good as-is.
Punisher: Powerful and well-rounded, good as-is.
Slugger: People were using it as a stagger sniper rifle, and somehow the balance "fix" was to remove the stagger and power, but keep the sniper accuracy? This is a slug shotgun. Suggest reverting damage and stagger to pre-nerf, but make it somewhat less accurate (or have the damage drop off more) at longer ranges.
Breaker: Good as-is.
Breaker Spray& Pray: Nearly half the damage / twice the capacity of the regular Breaker, but only 10% more fire rate? Granted this is a light crowd clearer, but I really think the fire rate should be more like 400. This would still be notably lower DPS than the Breaker, but with more ammo and much faster firing... it is called the Spray&Pray!
Breaker Incendiary: One of the best weapons imo, with a very reasonable trade-off of less immediate power for more BURN THEM ALL. My teammates often use it to set me ablaze with patriotism. Good as-is.
Exploding Crossbow: One of the worst-balanced weapons right now. The question is whether it should be more of a light crowd-clear (as it was pre-nerf), or armor penetrator (as the devs have claimed was their original intention), as currently it is bad at both. I would favor the former, only because A) that's what it was before and what people seemed to prefer, and B) that sets it apart from the Eruptor more, rather than basically serving the same role but without the ability to close holes. (I personally wish it could close them, as it is explosive, but being semi-auto that might be a bit OP.) I think it should be reverted to pre-nerf, but adding a couple more clips and keeping the faster-flying bolts (a nice change!). It was odd and a bit annoying how slow the bolts were when it first got released; even strafing could throw them off. It's a crossbow, after all, not a trebuchet. The tooltip should also say its level of armor penetration (currently it doesn't.)
Dominator: Not sure why it was recently nerfed down to 275 damage. I honestly feel the recent nerf made no difference to the balance, but I'd revert it just as a show of good faith.
Eruptor: There is a lot to say here... suggest reverting its stats and performance to the original release, but keeping the fix to it not 'imploding' players toward the explosion, and keeping the magazines at 6. I think it is potentially OK to keep the slight nerf to damage radius fall-off too (I didn't feel much difference, but it seemed more realistic somehow, whereas at release the explosion felt like it went abruptly from full damage to 0 at the edge of the radius).
HOWEVER, removing the "shrapnel" mechanic absolutely needs to be reverted. This was a massive, unnecessary nerf that removed the gun's identity and took it from being great to being awful.
A couple more points about that:
-Yes, it could randomly kill you from 30 meters away... like 0.5% of the time. Anyone claiming it didn't is wrong, though it was very rare. I had it happen maybe twice in a 10-hour period.
-No, it was not a big deal at all. However, it also did not make sense, and added nothing fun to gameplay. None of the other "explosive" guns, airstrikes, etc, work that way, and it appears from dev comments the rare weirdly long ricochets were not intended. If that could be fixed without removing the shrapnel, I think it should be... though I would personally rather have a quick revert/fix that adds back shrapnel but keeps the weird ricochet, versus a slower fix that resolves the issue completely.
-Removing the shrapnel was a dev decision. Some people need to stop blaming the community for that, because no one was asking for it to be removed completely; they just wanted the explosive mechanics to be more consistent, fun, and intuitive.
Punisher Plasma: Feels way better after the buffs; love the increased flight speed for the shots. I could see a slight buff to power or explosive radius, but think it's pretty good as-is.
Blitzer: Feels amazing after the buff to fire rate. Kudos to the devs, because this has gone from hot garbage to being my favorite gun... unless/until the Eruptor is fixed. Democracy rating: Taste My Lightning / 10.
Scythe: The buff helped, but it still feels quite weak. I'd buff power significantly (up to 450-500 DPS) and up the Fire Limit from 8 to 10. For comparison, the Sickle has a DPS of 687.5 (assuming its 750 "Fire Rate" means roughly 750 rounds per minute) and a Fire Limit of 9.
Sickle: Super fun, no notes. Great crowd clear, not so great against heavies. I think the nerf to its ammo cartridges was fine, though unnecessary. It didn't change much.
Scorcher: I haven't used it personally (literally just unlocked), but the community seems to feel it's in a good place. Looking forward to some Scorching!
Purifier: Also have not used this personally, so take with a grain of salt, but the consensus seems to be that it's like a much worse Scorcher. The chargeup is a neat mechanic, so I'd lean into that and add a lot more power... like, 400 versus the current 250. Maybe increase recoil to give it that extra kick. Also, I could be wrong, but the 250 displayed for the fire rate seems strangely high based on the gameplay videos I've seen... not sure if that's accurate.
General balance suggestions:
1) "Spreadsheet" balancing based on gun popularity is a bad strategy.
It's good to encourage loadout variety, but guns will never be used equally, and "more used" does not necessarily mean "overpowered." There are many reasons besides a gun being unbalanced that it might be used by more people. It could be unlocked earlier, or easier to learn, or just more fun to use (in which case it's the last thing you should be nerfing!). Some will be used by more people simply because they see other people using it. There are many examples of this in other games. In Rocket League, the "Octane" car is literally identical to many other cars in its stats, but it's still the most used by a wide margin. In Age of Empires 2, the French civilization has a higher win-rate among low-level players because it's easy to learn, but at a higher level, it's well-balanced.
2) Ideally balance for low and high difficulties... but high is more important.
At a high level, if a gun underperforms, you will either die, or worse, not contribute properly to your team... and Freedom.
Because there are some enemies that only appear on higher difficulties, you simply can't get away without playtesting on higher levels.
With that said, if something works well at a high level, the lower levels take care of themselves to an extent. There are some caveats (for instance, crowd-clearing weapons with low armor penetration are relatively better on lower levels), but it's hard to have perfect balance across all difficulties, and it's less important for lower levels because you can get away with a lot more and still survive. The same is not true in reverse.
If the devs don't have the time or inclination to play at a high level, a Preview server (as some have suggested) could help. Tapping skilled streamers/content creators for balance suggestions (after vetting them and/or putting some kind of NDA in place) is an option, too. Microsoft does that with Age of Empires, for instance.
3) This is a PVE game, not PVP. It's best to err on the side of limited changes... especially with nerfs. Fixes take time, but it takes 0 development time to NOT nerf something.
People emotionally invest in weapons they enjoy. (I bring my emotional support 500KG everywhere!) If you change them, they probably won't like it! This goes double for unnecessary nerfs (see 1 above).
In a PVP game, if something is overpowered, the person it's used against generally has less fun. In Helldivers, our enemies are subhuman and have no feelings to consider besides a hatred of all things free and Democratic.
If you've read this far, thanks for taking the time!
I'd love to hear what others think about these suggestions.
The CEO (Pilestedt) has made it clear that the community's concerns around balance have been noted, and the recent Discord posts indicate it's something the team is currently looking at, so hopefully there will be more positive changes soon.
See you on the front!

because we still have delisted countries

DC Next Proudly Presents:

THE NEW TITANS

In Shadow of Kestrel
Issue Nine: War Dove
Written by AdamantAce, GemlinTheGremlin & PatrollinTheMojave
Edited by Deadislandman1 and Voidkiller826
 
Next Issue > Coming Next Month
 
 
“Raven!”
Slade’s gruff voice pierced through the deafening, wave-like roars in Raven’s head, but the rage was too much to bear. Her hands sizzled as hellfire danced in her palms, her body readying for another attack. She locked eyes with a reptilian soldier, dismounting his simian steed and charging on foot, but as she lunged forwards to strike him, she watched a man fly into her path. Slade Wilson caught the young Titan’s hand and pushed, throwing Raven backwards.
“Come on, kid, snap out of it!” But as Slade’s words fell on deaf ears, he felt the familiar sting of a fist to his jaw, a crack echoing in his ears. He recoiled from the attack but powered through his injury and stood his ground. Sinking his heels into the ground, he locked eyes with the girl before him. Her face seemed contorted and uncanny, as if all of the rage she was feeling was pouring out of her. She groaned angrily as she thrusted her head downwards, her forehead making contact with Slade’s teeth, before pulling her head back up again in preparation for another attack.
Before she could make one, however, one of the lizardmen had almost reached the warring duo’s sides, and as he lunged forward with his long spear, he made contact with Raven’s side. A small rip formed in the side of Raven’s outfit, which seemed to only anger her further. However, it did seem to distract her enough; Mar’i fired off a single Starbolt which struck only the ground - a warning shot.
“Raven! Please!” the half-Tamaranean cried out. But the Raven she knew was buried under unfathomable amounts of fury; she ignored her teammate’s call and instead flew forwards and swung out at the reptiloid. The strike glowed with red flame, sending the creature skidding across the floor, barely conscious. Slade spotted a flash of something else on her face, as if she was finally able to fight back against the endless rage - pain, perhaps, or anguish. But in an instant, it was gone.
That flicker of something other than white-hot anger was enough for Slade.
He clutched his side as his still open wound began to ache, the bandages feeling wet with fresh blood. His jaw felt crooked, and as he gritted his teeth, it felt as though they sat differently atop each other. And yet, he clutched his staff tightly in one hand, and with the other he beckoned to Raven.
“Kid, you’re fighting it, I know you are!” Slade felt his mouth filling with blood rather than saliva.
Within a moment, Raven’s attention was locked on the white-haired man once again. She fired bolt after bolt of black and red flame, but Slade was still dextrous despite his pain. He dodged and dived, weaving through the fire, until he finally managed to make contact with his opponent. He drove his staff into her chest and pushed his weight against the weapon, forcing her backwards. She rose into the air, a black mist pouring from her arms and over her face, a large ghostly corvid taking her place. He felt the deathly cold shadow of the bird’s wing fall over him, his feet leaving the ground as she scooped him into the air.
He looked down at the ground far beneath him. A fall from this height would kill anyone, he thought, let alone someone beaten half to death.
Then, as a verdant bolt of energy struck it in the side, Raven’s Soul Self shrieked and the shadows retreated inwards. Slade felt himself falling through the air for a second, then two, before he felt his back collide with something soft and cushioned. As he looked up, he met the gaze of Conner, who soared to the ground in an instant, placing the snow-haired man on the ground and giving a swift nod.
Raven let out a pained, frustrated yell as she returned to the ground, aided by a grappling line expertly positioned by Tim, and in response, Conner jetted off towards the sound of her cries. Slade’s feet faltered beneath him, and he stumbled to keep his balance. His breathing was laboured and his vision was becoming fuzzy. It felt as though, he realised, all the blood loss and violence he had suffered over the past few hours were finally catching up to him. Was this what dying felt like?
“Slade!” shouted a voice, followed by the dulled drumming of hurried footsteps. Slade pulled his hand across his face to wipe away the mental haze and drops of blood. It was Don, sprinting towards him. When Slade felt Don clasp him by shoulders, he realized just how slowed he was by his injuries. “Plan?,” Slade coughed out.
“You’ve seen what she can do. I only see one way out of these without one of the kids getting hurt. I’d do it myself, but I’m out of practice and this is too important to leave to chance.” Don looked around anxiously, his face betraying that he had a lot on his mind. “I’m giving you the powers of a god.” Slade opened his mouth to ask a question, a million came to mind. He glanced across the battlefield. Through a blurry film, he saw Raven’s Soul Self bat Conner away with its wing. He careened into the trunk of a thick tree, uprooting it with a deep crunch. “Are you sure?,” Slade asked, breathless.
“I’m not losing another Titan.” Don squeezed his eyes shut. His grip on Slade tightened as pale, almost blinding light enveloped them. It felt warm. No, better than that: it felt peaceful. With his enhanced senses, Slade could hear his erratic heartbeat slow. Fleeting visions bubbled up in his mind, opening up his awareness beyond the wildest dreams of Project Veritas. He felt rivers of magical energy flowing through the air and earth. Each of them spiralled towards a depression. Towards Raven, he knew instinctively. Iridescent blue light spread outward from his shoulders. It washed over his body armor, bleaching the jet black panels until his entire body shone with radiance. The pain from wounds old and new faded, replaced by serenity - and power. Don opened his eyes again and sighed gently; a concoction and joy, relief, and quiet mourning.
“There,” Don remarked. Slade felt lighter, less angry, less burdened. He looked down at the iridescent light enveloping his body. Magical energy buzzed against the surface of his skin. “The powers of the Dove - officially yours.”
Slade sucked in a nervous breath. “Don…” Even rejuvenated, he was still lost for words.
“They’re yours now,” Don smiled weakly. “Now go earn them. There’s a Titan in dire need of our help.”
Conner floated out of the dense jungle, rubbing his forehead. “Is Slade glowing or do I have a concussion?”
Slade looked over at Raven. She seemed less erratic, her movements driven by her brain rather than her gut. Tim’s staff batted fiercely against her, each strike buffeting her back more and more, but it was clear to Slade that Raven was not any weaker physically - her mind, however, was another story.
Slade began marching towards her, the ache in his side dulled. “Raven. You’re strong. Fight this rage inside of you.” Raven glared at him, a spark of something in her eyes, as she swooped in towards him at top speed. As she neared him, however, Slade readied his staff, stretching it out in front of him. As the tip of the weapon struck Raven, a beam of white energy coursed through her, as if she had been struck by lightning, and her body was flung backwards across the dirt.
Slade danced a hand over his rifle, but something felt different. He pulled it into his hands and inspected it swiftly; nothing seemed out of order. Raven rose slowly from her supine position, snarling softly to herself. Her movements had slowed, the expression on her face becoming closer to horror than rage. She was doing it.
“You’re nearly there, kid,” Slade soothed, his words suddenly like butter. He watched Raven’s shoulders start to relax. “That’s it. Just fight this, Raven. You’re almost there.”
Despite her tremendous progress, Raven’s blistering fury won out once more, and she charged a large bolt of hellfire in her hands. Slade fiddled with his rifle and crossed his fingers. There was a standstill between the two. Slade analysed his rifle again; there was something different about the barrel, as if it had been swapped out for another similar model. The stock felt lighter, too, as if the weight had been–
Raven roared at him, swiping wildly with glowing fists, and in an instant Slade instinctively pulled the trigger.
What fired from the gun was not a silvery bullet, but a familiar glowing bolt of white light, cloud-like in appearance. As it struck Raven, she sucked in a deep breath, the energy engulfing her. Her face softened and her posture relaxed. Then she swung out for the man’s weakened side, his bandages poking through the aura of light. And yet, as he stayed steadfast, not even attempting to dodge the attack. Sparks flew from the point of contact. Slade just readied another shot and fired.
Her body swayed with the blow. Slade closed the gap between them and focused on the new warmth he felt, concentrating it into his staff as best he could. Then, as he held it out in front of him at arm’s length, he swiped at Raven and struck her in the side of the shoulder. Each blow seemed to be more effective than the last, but as Raven’s movements continued to slow, Slade held fire.
“You’re doing it, Raven,” Slade encouraged. He watched as the other Titans surrounded Raven, each of them ready for any further attacks. Everyone watched with bated breath as their teammate and friend thrashed and recoiled from the hit. Her breathing was rapid, although it felt closer to panic than unabashed fury. She clasped her hands over her head, groaning. Then, suddenly, she stopped.
Her face had softened completely, her jaw slack, and tears filled her vision. She looked up at Slade with a comfort in her eyes. The aura emanating from him was pervasive and contagious, and although she had felt lost in a sea of impossibly vast emotions, its warmth and comfort cut through. The anger was still there somewhat, the last remaining dregs still working its way out of her system, but the comfort, the peace that Slade was providing was the anchor for her to stabilise herself. She had only ever seen this kind of power when Don…
Raven’s eyes widened as she realised what that meant. She collapsed to her knees, suddenly feeling the bone-deep fatigue her rage had suppressed. Her teammates rushed in around her. Mar’i dropped to a knee by her side and put a hand on her shoulder. “It’s OK. You’re safe. Everyone’s OK.”
“Don I’m—” She wiped away a stream of tears, stumbling her way out of the emotional vortex she’d been sucked into. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. I’ve lost control before, but never like this.”
Don looked older. Creases ran across his forehead and around his eyes. His smile hadn’t changed. “Raven, my brother and I got those powers when I was a kid. We didn’t ask for them. We weren’t ready for them. We didn’t know how to use them, let alone control them.” He laughed dryly, recalling Hank. “I don’t regret anything. Giving my powers to Slade is the best thing I’ve done with them in years. I know Hank would feel the same way.”
In the moment of silence that followed, Raven rose to her feet and pulled her cloak tightly around herself. She was still shaking. Tim’s eyes drifted from her to Slade. “Something’s gnawing at me. Kestrel’s powers are weakened in Skartaris. Don’s…” He coughed, “Slade’s powers are amplified. If this place is what affected you—”
Mar’i’s face flashed with recognition, “—your powers must be tied to the Lords of Order and Chaos!”
Tim furrowed his brow. “Maybe.” He hardly had time to consider further when a thundering crack tore open the sky. Two bolts of swirling energy - one red and one blue - met above them, forming a swirling portal at their vertex. The Titans readied their weapons, expecting the worst.
“It’s them.” Slade murmured, still put off by his uncanny awareness. Terataya and T’Charr descended from the sky, one wreathed in mist, the other, magma. The two elementals stopped a few feet above the ground, hovering.
Terataya was the first to speak. Even at a whisper, her voice reverberated through the air. “I don’t usually care for surprises, Don, but this was a pleasant one.” A thin smile appeared on her face.
“Slade Wilson.” Terataya’s neck turned at an unnatural angle to face him. “You wield the powers of Order with great skill. Who understands the dangers of unchecked War better than a soldier. Become my champion. Protect the balance.”
Slade took a step back, then glanced at Don.
“She’s right.” Don said, with only a hint of hesitation. “It took me years to use the powers like you used them today. You’re a natural.”
Slade looked at his hands, still gently pulsing with pale blue light. “Thanks.” He allowed himself a weak smile. “But no thanks.”
“What.” T’Charr’s voice boomed.
“It doesn’t take Zatanna to realize an old soldier like me makes a piss-poor Avatar of Peace. I fight for a living, and I’m not deluded enough to think that makes me good at anything but fighting. If you want someone who understands the need for balance, Don just sacrificed everything special about him for it.”
Don raised an eyebrow. “None taken.”
“His actions today were noble, but they do not make up for years spent squandering the gift.”
“Squandering? The Titans wouldn’t exist today if he hadn’t pulled them together. Everything they’ve done. Everything they’ve achieved for your balance wouldn’t have happened without him, including stopping that monster you made.”
“Watch your tone, mortal.” T’Charr threatened.
“There may be a vein of truth to his words, lover.” Terataya said. “But *if we were to restore Don Hall’s power, we would need assurances. His indecision led down this path.”*
Rocks ground against each other as T’Charr landed beside Don. “You would have weeks, not years, to select a counterpart and return to your duties.”
Don’s response was instantaneous. “I’ve made a decision.”
“You’ve decided if you’ll take up the mantle of Dove again?”
Don nodded. “And who should be the new Hawk.”
Terataya giggled. “Full of surprises today. T’Charr?”
“We should discuss this.” He said. “In private.”
The three of them vanished, leaving the Titans and Slade alone on a battlefield riddled with bits of dino meat and ape fur.
 
○○ Ⓣ ○○
 
“You don’t think they’re gonna come back in like, 200 years, right?” Conner asked. He sat beside the depowered Slade Wilson, who was downing aspirin to make up for the sudden deficit in peace energy.
“I don’t know.” Tim said. “But we should give them more than fifteen minutes.”
As if on cue, the skies opened again. Again, the chromatic energy lit the sky and again a portal opened its swirling maw. This time, however, it wasn’t two elemental Lords to descend. Raven squinted to make the figures out.
“Oh my god.” Conner said, having a far easier time with his super-vision.
“What? Who is it?” Tim asked.
“Donna!” Mar’i shouted. She shot off the ground towards her. Her black combat armor was replaced with a crimson and white bodysuit studded with stars that seemed to twinkle as the light shifted around her. The sword at her side was gone too, replaced with a coiled loop of rope suffused with the same brilliant energy. The two collided into an embrace, spinning through the air as they held each other tightly.
Don was the first to land, restored with the powers of Dove. He looked stronger than ever, and maybe more importantly, happier. Even Tim’s typical thoughtful brooding has been pierced by an unimpeachable joy.
“I don’t understand,.” Raven said. “S-She’s alive. How is this possible?”
“I knew there was only one person who could be trusted with the powers of War, with Hank’s abilities.” He scratched the back of his neck, a bit guilty. “And she’d been staring me in the face for years. It took some doing, but eventually T’Charr and Terataya saw that too.”
Donna landed beside him, Mar’i only a step behind. By now Conner had stepped forward. He tried not to choke over his words. “I’m sorry. If I’d—”
Donna didn’t let him get the words out before pulling him into a grapple-turned-hug that quickly grew as the rest of the team piled in. Slade flicked another aspirin into his mouth.
“Danyah!” A voice called out from over the ridge. It was Travis, mounted atop a fanged reptilian creature in the vague shape of a horse and flanked on either side by his gold-armored honor guard. He broke into a gallop, stopping just short of the Titans. “When I saw the skies, I feared the worst. Is it really you? Has sorcery brought you back to us?”
“It’s me, Travis. A Lord of Chaos brought me back.”
“Not to interrupt,.” Slade said, still nursing his wounds. “But did either of you ask them to bring us back to Chicago?”
“I…” Don grimaced. “Donna, how do we get home?”
“How did you get here? Surely you could return the way you came.” Travis said.
“No, we can’t.” Tim said, pressing a few buttons on his wrist’s holographic display. “Whatever magic pervades Skartaris is also causing some extreme time dilation. I can’t guarantee we’d return to the 21st century, or even to Earth.”
“I spent a decade in Skartaris and returned to Earth nearly two centuries later. It’s the influence of Chaos. We’d need a Skartaran mage of overwhelming power to stabilize our return.” She spat the word mage with disgust. Travis’s expression seemed to confirm the reputation of Skartaran spellcasters.
Before their anxiety could spiral, the sky above began to churn. Moments later, the ground shook as a violent bolt of lightning cleaved the air, striking with such ferocity that all but Conner and Donna were flung backward. Mar'i skidded across the damp undergrowth, her senses overwhelmed by the acrid scent of ozone. Her mind was racing; their victory was hard fought, and she doubted they had much left in the tank for another confrontation. She dug her hands into the ground and pushed herself up as she choked from the smell. The Warlord Morgan and his military guards snapped to attention, forming a protective ring around the crater that now marred the earth.
From the smoking pit, a figure rose, unfolding from a crouch like something out of Terminator. Adorned in a red and white jumpsuit that accentuated his lithe build, the young man's appearance was marked by a red cowl and goggles, with sandy brown hair rebelliously spilling out.
Conner squinted through the dissipating smoke, murmuring under his breath, “A speedster?” The Flashes had had a variety of different sidekicks and other allies over the years, but none of them recognised this one
With a nonchalant flair that seemed at odds with the charged atmosphere, the newcomer greeted them. “Hey, everyone chillax. I'm here to get you guys back home.”
Donna, ever the leader, stepped forward and spoke with a commanding curiosity, now emboldened with the war aura of Hawk. “And who are you exactly? Why should we trust you with such a claim?”
Flashing a cheeky grin, he tilted his head and responded, “Well, I’m a speedster for one. Name’s Impulse. If I run fast enough, then I can… well, I guess bend time.”
Behind Donna, the group exchanged sceptical glances. Raven's face remained shadowed by recovery, Mar'i and Conner braced for action, and Tim discretely checked his gadgets, no doubt for something that he could use on a speedster should the need arise.
“Yeah, we figured that much,” Don cut through the tension, his voice calm yet insistent. “Who sent you?”
Impulse chuckled, his demeanour remaining unfazed by their scrutiny. “Look, the details aren't the fun part. Trust me, I can get us back.”
As a silence thick with doubt and scepticism settled over the group, Impulse seemed to realise his casual assurances weren't sufficient. With a theatrical sigh, he reached up and removed his mask, revealing a face familiar to both Mar'i and Raven.
“Brody!?” Mar'i exclaimed, her surprise echoing through the clearing as she stared at the boy who had once hobbled through their college classes with his leg in a cast.
The young man’s grin widened, his eyes sparkling with mischief and a hint of pride. “Actually, it’s Bart.”
 
○○ Ⓣ ○○
 
When Slade emerged from the shower, his skin was glistening with moisture, the water tracing the contours of his scars. He wrapped a stark white towel around his waist, and crossed the plush carpet to sit on the edge of the hotel room bed. He released a slow, deep breath; it was a good job the speedster kid arrived when he did. The notion of being stranded in an alien land or, worse, a different time had gnawed at him with a ferocity that was hard to admit. Without Bart’s intervention, every one of Slade’s meticulously crafted plans would have been utterly dashed.
Facing him, a wall-mounted mirror caught his rugged reflection. Drawn to his own image, Slade studied the scars that mapped his trials, the slick white hair that crowned his head, and the deep lines etched into his face. A familiar discomfort nagged at him, focusing his attention on his right eye. Unable to alleviate the irritation through the skin, Slade exhaled heavily and carefully removed the eye altogether. The movement, fluid and practised, spoke of years of adaptation.
He placed the prosthetic gently on the bed beside him and as he massaged the socket, a decades-old habit, his mind wandered. He wasn't accustomed to keeping the prosthetic in for extended periods. Showering with it had been an uncomfortable experiment in necessity - he didn't like it, but understood the importance of maintaining the facade. The Slade he would have people believe he was would have never lost an eye, because that Slade had led a life far from by the darker paths Slade had truthfully trodden.
His thoughts wandered to his brief time wielding the potent powers of Dove, and Slade felt a twinge of regret at their loss. The clarity and strength those powers had provided were intoxicating, yet he recognised that he had a more important goal, one he couldn’t compromise. His current role demanded not the accumulation of power but the perfection of his deceit, ensuring that all believed he was not the Slade Wilson they knew, but a Reawakened, more innocent doppelganger.
Now, with the glass eye resting beside him, Slade stared at his unmasked visage. Maintaining the myth of the noble Slade was critical. The ruthless mercenary, the World’s Deadliest Killer - those identities had to remain buried. The Titans had believed him enough to entrust him with divine powers, their faith a testament to his performance, but the game was far from over; in fact, it was entering its most critical phase.
 
 
Next: Return to normality in The New Titans #10
 

Incorporating astrological transits into your decision-making process for relocation and using astrocartography can provide a dynamic and timely perspective on your choices. Here's how to effectively blend these elements:

Understanding Transits in Astrology

Transits are the movements of planets at a given time, which form aspects (angles) with the positions of planets in your natal chart. These transits can activate different areas of your life, indicated by your natal chart, and can influence your experiences, mood, and decisions.

Step 1: Analyzing Current and Upcoming Transits

1. Identify Key Transits: Look for transits from slower-moving planets (like Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto) as they have long-lasting effects. For instance, Saturn transiting your 4th house might indicate a period suitable for setting up a stable home environment.
2. Focus on Significant Aspects: Pay attention to major aspects such as conjunctions, oppositions, squares, trines, and sextiles. These aspects will highlight areas of life (represented by houses) and personal characteristics (represented by planets) that are currently under focus or undergoing change.
3. Timing of Transits: Determine the timing of these transits to understand when specific influences will be strongest. This can help you decide the best times for relocation or significant travel.

Step 2: Integrating Transits with Relocation Astrology

1. Relocation Chart: Generate a relocation chart for locations you're considering. This chart relocates your natal chart to a new location, altering the house placements of your natal planets.
2. Overlay Transits: Look at how current transits interact with your relocation chart. For example, if Jupiter (expansion) transits your relocated 10th house (career), it might be an auspicious time for career growth in that location.
3. Evaluate Changes: Assess how the change in house placements in the relocation chart under current transits might influence your experiences in the new location. For instance, a planet moving from a natal 12th house position to a relocated 1st house position could indicate a period of emerging from behind the scenes to taking on a more prominent role in life.

Step 3: Applying Astrocartography

1. Astrocartography Lines: Review your astrocartography map to identify planetary lines running through areas of interest. Each line represents the influence of a particular planet.
2. Transits Over Lines: Consider how current and upcoming transits interact with these planetary lines. For example, if you're experiencing a Pluto transit that aspects your natal Sun, living on or visiting a Sun line might bring profound changes to your self-identity.
3. Weighing Planetary Influences: Determine which planetary influences align best with your goals and current life phase. For instance, a Jupiter line might be beneficial for growth and opportunity, while a Saturn line could be better for structure and stability.

Not everyone will notice natal or relocated transits straight away. And each transit is unique to each person.

Hello everyone! I'm writing here to get some advice and new perspectives. I should start by saying that the situation I'm about to describe is something I've been addressing in therapy for a few weeks, after changing my psychologist because I no longer felt comfortable with the approach of my previous therapist. So, it might just be a matter of time before things improve, but I'm eager to feel better and, right now, I don't see how that's possible. I'm a bit discouraged.
As I mentioned in the title, I 22F constantly feel inadequate, which has completely shattered my self-esteem in any environment I frequent, since about October. The situation is becoming unbearable for me. There's not a day that goes by where I don't cry and hear a voice in my head filled with extremely negative thoughts about myself (I should note that my previous psychologist made me take a test, i dont remember the name, which revealed high levels of OCD and depression parameters, though I'm not sure if this counts as a diagnosis (?)).
October was a significant month: I started my final year of bachelor and I moved in with my girlfriend, 26F. I think these two changes, along with other reasons, have made me feel increasingly worthless. I'm writing my thesis very slowly because I have one last very difficult exam that requires me to learn a new language, so I'm anxious about not graduating in September or, at worst, November, which would mean not being able to enroll in the master's program on time (i live in italy so maybe the terms for the application are different from the country you're reading). This, in turn, makes me less productive, and I end up spending my days in bed or at the kitchen table unproductively, which only makes me feel worse. This situation also makes me anxious about the age difference between my girlfriend and me: she’s 26, and I'm 22. She works, has a salary, is productive, outgoing, likes going out, being around people, and is self-ironic. I used to be more like her, but now I'm shutting down: I don't have the energy to go out in the evening, it takes me hours to take a shower, any joke directed at me somehow hurts me, it touches on my insecurities, I can't express my ideas, and every social interaction worries me. I overthink everything I should say and can no longer laugh.
This daily comparison with my girlfriend has made living together feel like something I don't deserve: I'm still studying, I bring much less money home, and if I graduate next year, it feels like our actual age difference would be six years instead of four (she also started school a year early, so it's as if there’s a five-year gap, not just four between us). I know she's "waiting" for me in some way: she's waiting for me to finish my master degree and start working so we can move to a bigger house and think more about our future together.
Let me be clear: I'm not afraid of this situation, i'm not afraid of a future together which i feel ready and which I wholeheartedly desire, but I feel behind. She invites me to parties with her colleagues, and I feel out of place when they talk about work and "adult" things, and I don’t know how to interact, i feel inadequate. She comes home, talks about her relationships and concerns, and I feel I can't be a shoulder to lean on. I never know what "adult" conversations I can have to help her or appear to be on the same level as her. It always seems like she takes care of me, especially during this very dark period, and that I do nothing but manage the household. I don’t feel legitimate, if that makes sense, it’s like her "stairstep" allows her to see a part of the landscape that I can't see from my lower position, so when she talks to me about what she sees, I can't respond. This has led me to hide my small failures from her, like an exam that didn't go well, whereas I see my friends who have no problem sharing these things with their partners.
Now these struggles are spreading to my relationships with my friends as well. I can't stay calm even when talking to them, and I find hard to talk about my issues because I'm afraid of being a burden. The idea of graduating a year later than them makes me anxious and feel like a failure. When they talk about their problems, I feel anxious about providing them with good support, trying to offer intelligent suggestions to help them.
Of course, I’ve talked to my girlfriend about all this, and she has given me all the reassurances I needed: she doesn’t see me at all as I see myself, she admires me for many things, holds me in high esteem, is aware that I’m still a student and that it’s right for me to live like a student, that she wants a future with me and not with someone who is "socially and economically more appealing" (as I put it), that she loves me very much and will stand by me during this dark period. Every day she showers me with attention and care, welcomes me when I feel the need to be with her, and reminds me that when she goes out, it doesn't mean she doesn't want to be with me or doesn't like me, but that she also needs her space. I used to be more social myself, but now being alone is becoming more complicated because a thousand demeaning thoughts start bombarding me.
But last night we found out together that I passed the first part of my last exam, but i started crying because the grade wasn't that high and I felt shame in front of her for that. She shut down because she was hoping with all her heart that passing that exam would have brought a bit of positivity after weeks of strugglenesses, so she wasn't expecting my reaction after finding out I passed the exam. I feel like she's losing any hope about us
I see no way out. I feel like I’ll feel this way for the rest of my life, even when I''l have a job and will be on that "stairstep." I no longer know how to have more self-esteem, even though I have many reasons to think of myself as a person of value: I’ve overcome far more complex and painful situations that I thought, once conquered, would give me immense strength. Yet here I am: feeling like crap every day.
Sorry for this extremely long and probably very confusing wall of text, I hope it makes some sense.
Is there a way to regain the self-esteem I had until last year? Is it really possible to change the "mental paths" we take every day in our head? Has anyone experienced something similar and come out of it?
My new psychologist is extremely competent and great at making me exclaim, "Oh my God, I hadn't thought of that!" every time, but I'm afraid it’s not enough. I don't know, I just really want to feel better as soon as possible and maybe just need to hear some hope after 7 months of feeling like I’m sinking deeper and deeper.

Chapter 1: the event
It was the fall of my intern year as I bean my off service trauma rotation. This month was ubiquitously notorious for being the most labor intrusive and least productive rotaion of our emergency medicine program. Knowing this I entered with the intention of simply surviving the month.
Another intern and I let’s call them A for sake of ambiguity, we’re the first emergency medicine residents to roste on the trauma services that year. A shaky start would be an understatement. In the words of chance the raper “like my grama with the Parkinson’s playing operation.” Would better describe it. Medically we did well. We were very competent and completed our work daily, but communication and coordination was non existent. Our Cheifs had informed us that Tuesday was our day of and the Trauma cheif residents had minimum communication with us, or our Cheifs as it seams when A and I did not report on Tuesday they sternly made their dissatisfaction known.
I have struggled with insomnia sense the age of 10. Had 2 sleep studies by this point in my life and been prescribed nearly every sleeping aid on the market. The 80-94 hr work weeks of our trauma rotaion only worsened my insomnia. My lack of sleep likely contributed to a less than prime adaptive immune system and 2 days out of my trauma rotaion I contracted strep like symptoms with associated nausea, requiring me to call for a sick day the next day. No the first day that I felt too ill to work. I was not fully aware of the reporting process. I reported to my Chiefs, but I did not believe I could come to work tomorrow with amble time and notice, however I was somewhat delayed in letting their Cheifs know, because the surgical chiefs rotated every few days and I did not know who my was going to be the next day. The second day which I had to call out sick I was able to locate the cheif for the next day and reprot according to our university’s protocol, which requires that if a resident feels they are not fit for work they must not come in and the university must have staff coverage without any fear or implementation of punitive actions.
I had finally survived to the last week of my trauma rotaion and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. What I could not see was the pile of stress, shitty diet, lack of mental well ness and sleep deprivation which I was pushing down to reach the light. By this time I had seen a psychiatrist regularly for sleep medication. I had mentioned to him that I had been experiencing more stressed lately and feel that I might be depressed. he reassured me that it was likely only due to my circumstances, given the difficulty of the trauma rotation and wish to reassess once the rotation was over. Looking back I had to fill the habit of drinking more than I usually do. My only on nights before I have days off became 1-2 beers every other night. All of this repressed unhealthy shit finally pushed bad on September 23rd. That night I was at work even later than usual, I stayed up later than usual and couldn’t seem to fall asleep. With the stress of only having minimal sleep and knowing I only had 2 more days of trauma left, I took an extra dose of my sleeping medication.
I opened my eyes to the fighting sight of sun beaming in my window and I instantly knew I was late. (Sense I hadn’t seen the sun in a month) . Due to my need for scrupulous sleep hygiene I have been sleeping with my phone of and away for me. I rushed to grab it and watched as the little Apple logo seamed to glow on the screen for an eternity. Then in conjunction with its fading I saw 3 missed calls from my director, a text from college A and 2 missed calls from the surgical director. Still, I was able to calm myself, knowing that resident A had been late to this rotation by a few hours 2 other days and nothing came of it. I called my director back and he asked me to report to his office where I was greeted by my director, my coordinator and another emergency medicine facility.
With the only explanation of: “we just want you to get better”, I was handed a letter, to my relief it did not entail my termination, but a declaration of administrative leave and a requirement to undergo an evaluation at a well known university in Florida.
Lake any other savvy millennial, I did my research. By research I mean numerous google searches and screeches thru the depts of redit. To my dismay I discovered that in order for a residency program to fire you, they must first initiate an administrative suspension. I would soon find out however, being terminated would have been a delightful outcome compared to what ensued.
I spend the next few weeks in the wallos of regret and depression. I indulged in higher qualities of alchohol then I ever have before. I all but ceased communing with peers, and abruptly stoped any physical activity I had once enjoyed. Frightened as I was I was ensured, it will be ok “we just want you to get better”
Chapter 2 The evaluation : guilty until proven innocent I did exactly as instructed and scheduled an evaluation, I supposed that this was either a mental evaluation to assess if I’m fit for work with plans of termination or it actually was an evaluation to better treat my insomnia. To this day I regret my ignorance, and wish I had researched the process more. The Hindi / sand-skrt idea of Hamsa 🪬 is that in order to do any good you must have full knowledge or else good intentions can result in harm. I truely believe my director had good intentions, however but him and I did not have full knowledge of the nature of this evaluation.
Looking back see how easily I could have avoided my troubles by asserting legal aid at this point or even by researching this evaluation process more in depth. If one searches impaired practitioner program which I now know this evaluator works for, the search entire will populate 5 or 6 layferms along side their home website and there is a valid reason for this.
If one every finds themself in this process I employ you to bring a DSM to your evaluation or at least be familiar with the most common use disorders in the DSM-5, because your evaluation will turn into a dance of questions where the evaluator attempts to trap you in a round about way to stating something that may qualify for one of the diagnosis. I have provided an image from the DSM-5 below outlining AUD, which the evaluator concluded that I had the most severe from:
Image
Example***** Here are 10 examples of how he fraudulently assessed me taken directly from his assessment note.

1. Evaluator: Have you ever stoped drinking in the last year.

Me: yes I stoped every week day, I was only drinking on the weekends, until two weeks ago.
-Evaluator uses stoping and starting every week to qualify for 2 or more unsuccessful attempts to stop in the last year “There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.”

1. Evaluator Have you ever had withdrawal symptoms

Me no
Evaluator Well Have you ever had a hangover? You know that’s a from of acute withdrawal
Me: yes in college, I had a few but that was years ago and I’m pretty sure the pathophysiology is different.
Evaluator uses this to count for withdrawal symptoms even tho is was more than a year ago

1. Evaluator: Have you even taken your sleeping medication on a day or night which you drank? Me: Yes, I took my prescriptions are prescribed but I never drank close to bed

Evaluator: qualified this as dangerous behavior with alcohol (where the DSM gives examples such as unprotected sex and drunk driving). The sleeping medication I was on is not a benzodiazepine therefore it is not deadly with alcohol. I personally have seen many patients in the ED who have taken their entire bottle of the medication and drank copious amounts, we just monitor them over night and rehydrate them

1. Evaluator Has anyone told you you drink to much or been worried about you Me: No I drink much less than my friends

Evaluator what about your girlfriend? Me: well she actually doesn’t drink at all she doesn’t like it. She often buys me beer for The Weeknd’s tho. One time we went to a movie and she got a little irritated because I waited for beer then complained about them not having any craft beer. So she said, “you couldn’t have just said no” and drank something else. However, she apologized after and said it’s worth waiting if it’s my only day off.
Evaluator said this qualifies for continued drinking despite causing significant relation consequences, ie divorce.

1. Evaluator : you have sleep issues I hear, and your chart says you’ve had depression in the past, don’t you know that alcohol can effect your sleep and mood Me: yes that’s why I never drink within 3 hours of sleep.

Evaluator but you knew this and still drank
Evaluator: qualifies for drinking despite unwanted physical or psychological effects (this should be recurring to effects the alcohol is causing, I have had insomnia sense the age of 10 long before I took my first sip)
7 evaluator you were late for work and told my you had a drink the day before
Me: Yes but I was late because I didn’t sleep and took double my sleeping meds, I will never do that again
Qualifies for 2 significant work or school issues in the past year ( a therapist and other psychologist ensured me that being late on or a few days doesn’t count they typically are getting fired or failing) ( moreover, this would assume I was late do to drinking it’s self and also assume if happened more than once)

1. • Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended

He never once asked anything related to this question yet said I qualified in his final report 9. A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects. The evaluators logic here was sense I was late for work and I had 2 beers the day before I must be taking long to recover from it (this is assuming I missed due to alcohol)

1. Tolerance drinking more to require the same effect: this he checked as true in his final note however it was never even discussed in our evaluation. I did mention to him that I’ve been drinking more than I had earlier in the year frequency wise, but they said nothing to do with quantity or needing more.
   
2. Wanting to drink so bad you can not think of anything else: this is the only qualification of SAUD my evaluator said I did not have.
   

Moreover, without legal help I was not aware that I could obtain a second evaluation or even oppose going to get evaluated at all, but that wouldn’t have mattered seeing I still thought this was for my health and wellbeing as seen when I was asked why do you think you are here to today, to which I replayed “so that I can be evaluated to see what is needed to get back to work”.
To maks the ordeal more infuriating the evaluator continues to ingratiate himself and lie through the process telling you, “it will be fine as long as you are 100% honest”, “anything you say in here is between you and me” or “you slipped up once with your meds, I know your residnecy program they will probably just want a few more out patient tests”
Two weeks later I received a phone call right before I left for an out of state vacation to visit my nice for her birthday. During the call I was informed that I would be required to complete a partial hospitalization program (PHP) lasting “6-10 weeks” which would coast from 15-50 grand not including doctor visits or housing which is billed separately. I suppressed this inconvenience, enjoyed my vocation and reported when I returned, knowing that I must complete this soon so I may return to work with due to the fact that my payed time off would soon be diminished. At this time I had not yet heard of the organization PRN.
Chapter 3 Guilty till proven innocent: The diagnosis
Shell shocked I arrived to a in patient psychiatric unit and was rapidly cleared to progress to treatment without detoxification. During my 90 day of forced rehabilitation I met a few other individuals who were unjustly and fraudulently forced into treatment. I began to look up to one of these such members of the men’s community, who I will refer to as patient X for ambiguity sake.
Unlike me patient X did have alcohol use disorder. He spent many clinic days drinking to avoid alcoholic withdraws. The curious component of his story is that he admitted his depravity, saught help and through his own journey became sober. The bodies at be, namely his local physician, Health monitoring program, rejected his personal path to sobriety and forced him to undergo 90 days of in patient treatment before he could practice medicine again. When he checked in to rehab he had been sober for over a year.
Ask for Stories of people from online
As for me I spend many sleepless nights pondering how consuming a legal substance in a moderate amount could throw me into significant legal financial issues. My labs my toxicology, my story and my collateral from colleagues from colleagues all indicated light to moderate alcohol use but my evaluators word stood as the word of God.
More frightening was the director of this rehabs acknowledgment of this. The director who happens to also coincidentally be the evaluator, stated to me as well as to staff on multiple occasions: “ I suggest inpatient treatment for everyone who is reported”. “This is safer for me not to miss anyone who could harm patients, and I figure there must be a reason someone reported them.”
I am still elucidating the reason why I was determined guilty and proven innocent, however I can say from my 90 day stent that the majority of the patients at this rehab needed to be there. This program is saving lives of both providers and patients, however it is destroying the lives of those wrongfully accused.
Chapter 4 your lisense rehab or jail : Upon arivil I was sent to a detox hospital underwent a medical examination and was “one of the lucky ones” who required no detoxification and could report directly to PHP. Like everyone else, I spent 90 days in a PHP, being as 6-10 weeks is simply a lie they tell patients to decrease the change of resisting the treatment. When discussing the topic one therapist sated “if we told patients 90 days they would never come.” She then attempted to justify the treatment by outlining the story of a patient she had called who “didn’t make it to treatment” and killed themselves”. It is my belief that it is not the lack of PHP which impelled such professionals to take their life, but them realizing that they now will be obliged to undergo 90 days of PHP, 5 years of PRN monitoring with a loss of autonomy and hundreds of thousands of dollars taken from them that induced their hopelessness. For even if these professionals were truly mentally unstable in their addictions, in every case it was only following a phone call where they were informed they must undergo treatment that they took their life’s. By this time I still haven’t the slightest clue what PRN was.
Despite the security these programs provide for many my 6 main issues with them can be summarized in : 1. Kick backs: evaluators are directors of treatment clinics 2. The reported are guilty till proven innocent 3. The price, the overflow of money these places drag in from both patients and state universities is appalling, they charge separately for every visit and test 4. Although they make the claim that they are individualized, they are anything but. Every patient gets the same stay and treatment from the doctor drunk on the job and the one who was late to a shift 5. They force voluntary treatment. remember that friendly evaluator who promised he had your best interest at heart, so you opened up and told him everything about your substance use/ developmental / family history, well if you don’t stay for 90 days he will be “normally obliged” to tip the board of medical off to you.

1. The programs have overstepped their intended jurisdiction. -these programs work well if they function how they were intended at their inception. Cite original purpose. Originally these programs were designed to protect physicians and civilians from impaired practitioners; being healthcare workers who were impaired at work. Over the years, these organizations have extended their authority to encompass individuals with substance use disorders When not at work and also those who are in training to become healthcare professionals. Take for example myself compared to a physician who is impaired at work. A doctor who arrived for duty under the influence would surely benifit from the extensive testing, therapy and accountability enforced via these programs. In accordance the 20,000$ per year cost is appropriate when only making up roughly 7% of their yearly salary vs nearly half of a residents. In my case with my loss of income from employment, coast of treatment and monitoring, this year I will be required to pay 20,000$ to work. Yes, I will be losing money to work. Even if did indeed have a substance use disorder this level of monitoring wouldn’t not be considered appropriate.

Dispite all of the miscomings of this System My time spend in PHP was indeed helpful, as I believe it would be for anyone. Time for exercise, a reprieve from work and weekly counseling. A sample structure of my day to day schedule is provided below for insight:
Structure The general structure of these rehabitation centers is as follows: 1. One week of orientation phase, where you are not allowed in electronics or contact with the outside world world. Therefore, if you’re going, bring some things you would like to read or study. 2. In phase 2, you can use your phone however you cannot leave campus. You must stay in the dorm on campus. These shitty 1 room run down apartments with two other roommates will cost you about $1000 a week, they are required for at least four weeks and they are billed separately, no insurance will help you out here. 3. In phase 3 you can commute to campus if you beg your therapist and live very close. Whether you’re on campus or living off-campus, you are allowed to leave up to four hours per day. If you commute, you’ll be required to take a sober link decide you must Breath, alcohol test into every 6 hours. Like everything else in this program you must pay for this separately, a few hundred dollars a week. You advanced to other phases by completing assignments, however, assignments are limited by required built-in time, intrusive, scheduling, and reviewing. Therefore, if you do everything as rapidly as possible phase 1 will take one week phase 2 will take three weeks.
Every day schedule:
7:30: wake up, report to the front desk to inform them that you haven’t ran away yet and take and prescribed medications. They keep all your medications and require that you report to take them; for me this was antidepressants in an attempt to dispel the depression I contracted from being forced into treatment and whatever off label medication they were attempting to treat my ADHD with, since control medications were forbidden.
8 am: community group assessments This consisted of other patients presenting their assignments amongst the large group, on the weekends this was often an hour later and 12 study regularly took the place of assignment presentation.
10 am: process group. This was a two hour group therapy session with 6 to 12 other professionals in a therapist and training or occasionally a licensed mental health therapist.
1 pm: recreation This was generally about an hour of some sober themed craft or activity. Once a week this time slot was used for yoga.
2 pm: this was another time slot used for patients to present assignments as well as for individual therapy sessions. Each patient had one individual therapy session lasting 30 minutes per week.
3pm: This was time allotted to work on assignments or go to the gym on your sex specific scheduled gym day.
5pm: this time was used for guest speakers or another 12 step study group.
6 pm : this was generally an off-campus 12 step group
10 pm: report to the front desk and let them know you still haven’t ran away and take and Medication which are prescribed to take at night, then return to your cot bed in your room with 1-2 other roommates.
I found the community to be one of the most beneficial aspects of the PHP program. I was in a cohort of chill ass professionals of the same occupation who were always there to help each other.
Assignments The curriculum of the PHP consisted of assignment based on every step of the 12th step program. Generally, a patient would be required to complete an assignment on their own, review it with other patients, then faculty and finally present the assignment in front of the whole treatment group. You’re only given one assignment at a time and there are multiple steps to each which all requires scheduling this ensures that no matter how determined a patient is a full 90 days of treatment is required to complete all the assignments.
AA structure -the obsolete nature of AA has been verified in numbers studies, but I will refrain from divulging here and lend that endeavor to Dr. Lance Dodes very thorough discussion on the subject,in “the sober truth “
In all sincerity, if I truely did have a severe use disorder this experience could have been life saving. I only wish I could have used my 50 grand for someone who has spent their life time In addictive without reprieve. My first conversation when I was given my phone back was how I wish my father could be able to attend this PHP.
Chapter 5 reporting and PRN Self reporting What they ask you What you should tell them
There’s a third-party agency called professional resource network. Every state has their own. This agency works as a liaison between you and whatever credentialing service your occupation requires. Essentially they ensure your monitoring after treatment. Stake governments and licensing boards trust them, mainly because they monitor with the highest level of intrusiveness. This alleviates much work for state governments and licensing boards because once an individual is being monitored by a professional resource network, then they are deemed appropriate for duty and no further investigation/litigation needs to occur, as long as the monitored individual completely complies.
Because I was never impaired at work I was never reported to this agency. The general workflow of things someone would report you to professional resource network, then the resource network would contact you, and then you would be required to report for an evaluation at a treatment center, which would inevitably result in a suggestion I’ve treatment at that given treatment center. In my case I was sent to the treatment center without PRN being involved. Thus, two weeks into treatment. I was notified by my therapist that I needed to call PRN and self report. I attempted to resistance given that I did not have a problem and was not individually seeking help. I asked what happened if I didn’t self report. I was told that in order to stay in the treatment program I had to report to PRN. This meant either I report to PRN or I get kicked out of the treatment program and lose my job.
When you report to PRN they will ask you why you are in treatment. They will then list off every substance imaginable, asking you if you have ever tried the substance and when your last use was. Ultimately, they will obtain your discharge information from your treatment center, so it is in your best interest to report only what was found in your biochemical testing. If it wasn’t in your hair, I would argue that you don’t have a use disorder regarding that substance and it’s not relevant. I don’t believe it’s important for them to know that you smoked weed when you were 12.
Chapter 6 The contract:
Before being discharged from a treatment facility, a professional resource network will have you sign a contract. A little known fact which I was oblivious to is that contracts can be negotiated. Though this isn’t it possible, it is highly improbable that you can negotiate your contract since PRN has a power to delay your clearance to return to work.
Contractor almost never personalized, and I have not heard of a contract which is not a five-year agreement. You will sign releases of information so that PRN has access to all of your information which was gathered at the treatment facility. You must have a therapist, psychiatrist, primary care, doctor, and a addiction, medicine psychiatrist. You assign releases of information for all of them. You will be required To commit to: 1. three mutual aid meetings a week which you must log. I log smart recovery meetings. 2. Weekly therapy sessions with an approved mental health therapist from their list 3. Monthly doctors appointments with an addiction medicine psychiatrist 4. Yearly appointments with a primary care physician 5. Monthly appointments with a psychiatrist 6. Daily check-ins on a random drug testing app ( you will agree to weekly urine tests, a peth test 4 times a year, a hair test twice a year and a little caveat that says anything else they deem, clinically reasonable) 7. Quarterly update reports which you are required to obtain from a workplace monitor, therapist, addiction, medicine, psychiatrist, primary care physician and any other doctor you are seeing. 8. You must upload all of your prescriptions into a mobile application every single time you get them refilled and are not allowed to take them until they are approved. 9. Attendance of a PRN group via zoom. This is a local group you are assigned along with other monitored practitioners. There is a fee of roughly 130$ a month to attend this required group. For me all of these requirements coast around 20,000 a year. If you ever have a positive test even if it is the result of contamination from rubbing alcohol or unintentional ingestion of alcohol/ allergy medication your contract will rest to 5 years from the time of positive test. Once your five year contract is completed, you must ask to be released from monitoring. At that point they will search for any reason to keep you under monitoring. This could be dilute urines, daily check ins or a week where you did not attend mutual aid meetings. Every certification and license which you apply for will likely ask you if you were under a monitoring program/ have been treated for substance use. You must give an explanation and check yes. As far as licensing programs are concerned, if you were under the monitoring of PRN, you are safe, however they group practitioners who have had behavioral issues with practitioners who were diverting drugs from work. Therefore, keep in mind that you will be labeled as a sever addict.
7 Back to work and only work. During treatment your only goal is to return to work, however when you return your experience will be drastically distinct from what you remember. For me, I was now working in isolation. Missing six months of my training meant that no other Resident was on the same rotation as me. My coworkers at all formed friend groups. When I returned I was greeted with much concern for my well being. No one would speak to be about my absence, however everyone knew there is only one reason a resident would leave for 6 months then return. My Accdeemic meetings were consisting of attending telling me “I have a target on my back now” and “ I have to preform even better than others” in the light of my time missed. If this wasn’t alienating enough, the majority of Resident events, sponsored by recruiters and my university revolved around alcohol to which I had to give some excuse to why I can not partake with others. I’m fortunate that I do not have an addiction, because these stressful conditions along with the daunting amount of dead and requirements imposed by PRN are enough to make any addict relapse. While I was at treatment, I was in the dative with Samyr stories a physicians whose addictions got the best of them. Physicians who did not make it to treatment, often taking their own life. These stories were presented as a warning. Your addictions will kill you without our treatment was the message. When, in reality I did not hear one story in which the addiction killed physician. Every physician who didn’t make it to treatment took their life after being told they must report to a treatment facility. Perhaps they knew what this entailed and it was not their addiction or getting caught which caused them to end their lives, but the unmanageable and often unreasonable burden that treatment would put on their lives.
9 How to escape So your fucked your in PRN and should be or you should and now your recovered and want to terminated your contract.

1. You ask to be released early done at 1/2 time ( good luck)
2. You have “good reason” (no one has ever been let out of contract because of this reason, the verbiage is far too vague)
3. You serve all your time and they let you out(maybe, as discussed earlier, they would do everything they can to keep you in your contract as long as your practicing)
4. You can’t practice medicine anymore

10 Layer up butter cup : I cannot emphasize the extent to which legal help is required in this process. You much seek it and seek it early. Lawyers can provide many avenues to you early in the process. Once you have committed to treatment, gone for evaluation or are in a PRN contract , this is very little that you or legal help can do. Spend a few thousand dollars when you are accused and save the 20-30,000 later.
After you have been evaluated if you disagree as I did, then this is the process you must undergo. 1. Hire a occupation, defense, lawyer 2. Prove you don’t have an addiction, this is done by having an alternative evaluator with similar credentials state that either you don’t have an addiction or that PRN’s level of monitoring is not medically appropriate ( this will need to be a multi day neuropsychological evaluation, which will cost about $5000). 3. Your lawyer must draft in writing that the medical level of monitoring is not required such as another medical professional and send this to PRN 4. PRN will tattle on you to the board of medicine. 5. The board of medicine will conduct an investigation. 6. At the end or when they believe they have enough reasonable evidence to the board of medicine will suspend your license or claim, you must comply with the PRN contract to practice. 7. At this time your lawyer will defend you in the state court against the board. This is costly but much less than the coast of a 5 year PRN contract 8. If you win you will likely suggest an alternative level of care such as gonna get therapy every week. If you lose, than you wasted a fuck ton of money and are still bound by your PRN contract.
Overall this entire process has coast me Over all coast:
My finances for this year only including PRN and rent are as follows:
120-200$ every week for testing 480-800/ month
65 every week for therapy 195/month
125 every month for PRN group
About 50-69 every month for 2 doctor apts
So at least 745$/month at the lowest
Treatment at the recovery center coast 20,000 for me out of pocket and
I wasn’t payed for 6 months with no FMLA because I am a first year. At the 1 year mark I will have made 26,000 this year after taxes And payed About 29,000 on PRN alone
Rent is 1,000 so that’s 12,000 a year
Just in rent and PRN alone I will be at 26,000- 41,600 -15,600.
I will be in debt by at least 18,000 at the 1 year mark
Coast of treatment center 20,000 (with insurance) For each year of PRN roughly 20,000 Add that to 6 months of attending salary which was delayed due to my treatment time: at least 150,000 Layer coasts along with other evaluations 25,000 Missing 6 months of residency pay 30,000 Coast of 1 year in monitoring: 245,000 Coast of 5 years 325,000
If my case progress to a trail I will require an extra 20,000 in court coasts
Chapter 11 My secondary eval: Dr sushi After I arrived at my treatment center I challenge my evaluation multiple times. Each and every time I was discharged and often accused of alternate mental health/ substance abuse issues to discourage my advances. I was never given the opportunity to undergo alternative assessment, however PRN guidelines state that you can obtain a second option within 7 days of your first. This is a mute point, however, because you will not receive the results of your evaluation until over a week after it is conducted and the second evaluation must be conducted by another PRN hired evaluator of their choosing. During my stay in rehab I contacted PRN multiple times to attempt another evaluation/ legal help. They warned against both stating they were a “waste of money” and “pointless”.
After completing my treatment with the guidance of many addiction, experienced physicians, mental health counselors and psychiatrists recommendations I sought in a secondary evaluation. I chose a highly qualified professional with over 30 years of experience to conduct an extensive neuo psycho social evaluation of me. One that I was sure would be more extensive than the evaluation I received at treatment and more importantly an unbiased evaluation.
The results from my evaluation not only showed that I did not have a substance abuse problem warranting PRN level monitoring, but also that PRN was falling to allow adequate treatment of other conditions such as my ADHD. My evaluation showed my ADHD was not only untreated by PRNs attempt at using non controlled medication, but also in the top 3% most severe presentations of ADHD. My evaluator went on to explain my results by questioning why my treatment center even mandated I undergo neuro cognitive evaluation. The only neurodiverse findings were my IQ, my dyslexia and my ADHD. However, a neuo cognitive examination can be billed separately by treatment centers, therefore they always recommend one.
Chapter 12 Amongst its greed, intrusive nature and faulty accusations, professional recourse network function highly proficiently at the task they were designed to; protective physicians and patients from physicians who are impaired at work. In this domain they save lives, offer second changes and protect the public. When they act beyond their intended jurisdiction by imposing unnecessary monetary demands on practitionersin training, accuse practitioners without proof or act on behavior exemplified outside of a work setting they unjustly and inappropriately attack the week and innocent.
Proposed reform: As a trainee my universities malpractice insurance covers me for mistakes made at work. If a learner mistakenly harms a patient, then the university stands on their behalf. If the learner does something wrong under a teachers direct guidance, then the teacher is at fault. This makes sense logically as well as pragmatically. The state entrusts large amounts of money to hospital systems and universities to train resident physicians. A portion of this money is allocated to malpractice insurance. This should extend to accused impairment.
Suppose a training university was required to cover rehabilitation and monitoring of a resident of whom they claim is impaired. Alternatively they have the option of firing the trainee. This would reduce the number of innocent trainees being accused of impairment, make the process of rehabilitation more fair and provide a better use for tax payer derived dollars, which hospital systems are given to train residents. The truly impaired could still seek help, less false accusations would be made and with the employers having the ability to fire at the moment of impairment, there would be less chance of impairment at work.

#EURUSD #60m #Forex───────────
Ensemble model * Overview: The synthetic investment attractiveness indicator equals 6 (out of +/-100). The model ensemble is uncertain with regards to future market movements.
Optimal past * Optimal past: The optimal lookback period for modelling is currently 171 candles. The market is currently bullish, appreciating by 0.0% during the latest phase.
Elliot Waves * Elliot Waves: The market's trend has changed and currently goes down.

• Elliot Waves Settings: Elliot Waves were updated. The current wavelength is 13.

Price Bound Modelling * HAR model at confidence level 95.0%: the HAR model forecasts volatility of 0.0685% in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 1.08 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 1.08 or above 1.08.

• BRW VaR at confidence level 95.0%: in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 1.08 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 1.08 or above 1.08.
  
• Historical simulation at confidence level 95.0%: in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 1.08 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 1.08 or above 1.08.
  
• Multifractal range at confidence level 95.0%: in the next 256 candles, the price will fluctuate around 1.08 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 1.07 or above 1.1.
  
• Fibonacci with seven retracements: the price is likely to rebound upward from the nearest Fibonacci support of 1.08 at the level of 76.4%. The nearest Fibonacci resistance is 1.09 at the level of 100.0%.
  
• Fibonacci with five retracements: the price is likely to rebound downward from the nearest Fibonacci resistance of 1.09 at the level of 100.0%. The nearest Fibonacci support is 1.08 at the level of 61.8%.
  
• Fibonacci with four retracements: the price is likely to rebound downward from the nearest Fibonacci resistance of 1.09 at the level of 100.0%. The nearest Fibonacci support is 1.08 at the level of 61.8%.
  
• MVaR bounds at confidence level 95.0%: in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 1.08 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 1.08 or above 1.08.
  

Forecast * MA model at confidence level 95.0%: the MA model forecasts a return of 0.0087% in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 1.08 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 1.08 or above 1.08.

• AR model at confidence level 95.0%: the AR model forecasts a return of 0.0087% in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 1.08 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 1.08 or above 1.08.

Stability Indicators * Generalised extreme value: According to the indicator, the market is stable

• Power law: According to the indicator, the stability of the market is uncertain
  
• Student degrees of freedom: According to the indicator, the stability of the market is uncertain
  
• Tukey lambda: According to the indicator, the stability of the market is uncertain
  

Seasonality test * Seasonality test: According to the generalised seasonality test, there are no seasonal effects on the market.
Distribution analysis * Best-fit distribution: Best-fit distribution has changed, and now it is Power
───────────
Not investment advice.
#EURUSD #60m #trading #Distribution analysis

#BTCUSD #60m #Crypto───────────
Ensemble model * Overview: The synthetic investment attractiveness indicator equals 23 (out of +/-100). The model ensemble suggests the market will tend to be bullish in the nearest future.
Optimal past * Optimal past: The optimal lookback period for modelling is currently 363 candles. The market is currently bearish, depreciating by 1.0% during the latest phase.
Elliot Waves * Elliot Waves: The market's trend has changed and currently goes down.

• Elliot Waves Settings: Elliot Waves were updated. The current wavelength is 3.

Price Bound Modelling * HAR model at confidence level 95.0%: the HAR model forecasts volatility of 0.5548% in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 61268.39 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 60709.19 or above 61827.6.

• BRW VaR at confidence level 95.0%: in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 61266.09 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 60823.77 or above 61644.63.
  
• Historical simulation at confidence level 95.0%: in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 61266.74 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 60824.88 or above 61646.47.
  
• Multifractal range at confidence level 95.0%: in the next 256 candles, the price will fluctuate around 61906.76 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 53792.97 or above 66675.0.
  
• Fibonacci with seven retracements: the price is likely to rebound downward from the nearest Fibonacci resistance of 61774.38 at the level of 50.0%. The nearest Fibonacci support is 60497.95 at the level of 38.2%.
  
• Fibonacci with five retracements: the price is likely to rebound downward from the nearest Fibonacci resistance of 61774.38 at the level of 50.0%. The nearest Fibonacci support is 60497.95 at the level of 38.2%.
  
• Fibonacci with four retracements: the price is likely to rebound upward from the nearest Fibonacci support of 60497.95 at the level of 38.2%. The nearest Fibonacci resistance is 63050.81 at the level of 61.8%.
  
• MVaR bounds at confidence level 95.0%: in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 61309.21 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 60773.61 or above 61623.96.
  

Forecast * MA model at confidence level 95.0%: the MA model forecasts a return of 0.0631% in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 61310.42 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 60642.54 or above 61978.31.

• AR model at confidence level 95.0%: the AR model forecasts a return of 0.0631% in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 61310.42 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 60838.62 or above 61782.23.

Stability Indicators * Generalised extreme value: According to the indicator, the stability of the market is uncertain

• Power law: According to the indicator, the stability of the market is uncertain
  
• Student degrees of freedom: According to the indicator, the stability of the market is uncertain
  
• Tukey lambda: According to the indicator, the stability of the market is uncertain
  

Seasonality test * Seasonality test: According to the generalised seasonality test, there are no seasonal effects on the market.
Distribution analysis * Best-fit distribution: Best-fit distribution has changed, and now it is Laplace
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Not investment advice.
#BTCUSD #60m #trading #Distribution analysis

#BRENT #60m #Commodities───────────
Ensemble model * Overview: The synthetic investment attractiveness indicator equals -5 (out of +/-100). The model ensemble is uncertain with regards to future market movements.
Optimal past * Optimal past: The optimal lookback period for modelling is currently 197 candles. The market is currently bearish, depreciating by 2.0% during the latest phase.
Elliot Waves * Elliot Waves: The market's trend has changed and currently goes down.

• Elliot Waves Settings: Elliot Waves were updated. The current wavelength is 21.

Price Bound Modelling * HAR model at confidence level 95.0%: the HAR model forecasts volatility of 0.2945% in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 82.05 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 81.65 or above 82.44.

• BRW VaR at confidence level 95.0%: in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 82.06 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 81.73 or above 82.39.
  
• Historical simulation at confidence level 95.0%: in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 82.06 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 81.73 or above 82.4.
  
• Multifractal range at confidence level 95.0%: in the next 256 candles, the price will fluctuate around 82.98 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 73.28 or above 86.62.
  
• Fibonacci with seven retracements: the price is likely to rebound upward from the nearest Fibonacci support of 81.54 at the level of 0.0%. The nearest Fibonacci resistance is 84.14 at the level of 23.6%.
  
• Fibonacci with five retracements: the price is likely to rebound upward from the nearest Fibonacci support of 81.54 at the level of 0.0%. The nearest Fibonacci resistance is 85.75 at the level of 38.2%.
  
• Fibonacci with four retracements: the price is likely to rebound upward from the nearest Fibonacci support of 81.54 at the level of 0.0%. The nearest Fibonacci resistance is 85.75 at the level of 38.2%.
  
• MVaR bounds at confidence level 95.0%: in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 82.1 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 81.6 or above 82.29.
  

Forecast * MA model at confidence level 95.0%: the MA model forecasts a return of -0.0465% in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 82.03 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 81.48 or above 82.59.

• AR model at confidence level 95.0%: the AR model forecasts a return of -0.0465% in the next candle, the price will fluctuate around 82.03 and with 95.0% probability will not go below 81.64 or above 82.42.

Stability Indicators * Generalised extreme value: According to the indicator, the market is stable

• Power law: According to the indicator, the market is unstable
  
• Student degrees of freedom: According to the indicator, the stability of the market is uncertain
  
• Tukey lambda: According to the indicator, the stability of the market is uncertain
  

Seasonality test * Seasonality test: According to the generalised seasonality test, there are no seasonal effects on the market.
Distribution analysis * Best-fit distribution: Best-fit distribution has changed, and now it is Laplace
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Not investment advice.
#BRENT #60m #trading #Distribution analysis

I’m here to ask about our senior cat, Ainsley. She is around 14 years old.
Ainsley recently had a UTI and had two antibiotic injections as well as a round of oral antibiotics when the injections didn’t work. It’s been about two months since this all started. A month since she was first medicated. Before, the marking would happen periodically, even at the height of her UTI.
Ainsley recently had some teeth removed and has only one big tooth left. She has a younger sibling Fitz, whom she’s never loved, but has always tolerated. Fitz adores her and wants to be best friends.
This week, Ainsley has peed on our bed, between the two of us, two nights in a row. After the first time, yesterday, my wife took her to the vet who suggests it’s behavioral and has prescribed fluoxetine. It hasn’t arrived yet. Incidents of marking have always been days apart, so this is a definite change.
I woke up to her purring loudly on my wife’s chest after having recently peed right between us.
Any thoughts on what is happening? Is this the beginning of the end? Will the fluoxetine help?
Thanks. We’re quite distressed that she’s hurting and communicating this way.

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