I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Nocontact4you
None of my family knows this trip will be the last time they see me.
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest & Poems
Thanks to u/lolfuckno for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity, cancer, ableism, bullying, abandonment, emotional abuse of a child, verbal abuse, neglect, lies
MOOD SPOILER: Depressing
Original Post Feb 4, 2024
Firstly, I’m okay, physically anyway.
Honestly, I have no idea who this is for, but I think I just need it out of my head.
The circumstances of my birth were complicated. I broke up two marriages, and my family has never been shy about how they feel about me for that. Only one of my brothers has gotten drunk enough to tell me to my face that he resents me for existing, but I know it exists within all of them, at least in some way. Im much younger than all my siblings, and there was so much that happened out of our hands that I made excuses, but my whole life, I’ve never quite felt “part of the family”.
As a child, I told myself we’d make up for lost time once I got older and we could talk as equals. Now, at 23, I see glimpses of the life I wished I’d have, but in the end, I’m always too much trouble to involve. I hear EVERYTHING from my father. I had to find out my niece was in a car accident from him; I had to find out my other niece had a miscarriage from him; I had to find out my oldest brother had a BRAIN TUMOR haphazardly on a phone call with my father, which he didn’t even know I was unaware of.
I’ve known for a while I’m the only one trying, but for the sake of my dreams, I’ve given every opportunity for them to let me in, but I just can’t do it anymore.
I have a psychiatric service dog who aids me with CPTSD. He is the single greatest thing to happen to me. Not only did he save my life from myself, but he has made life livable. He can tell when I’m panicking and he knows pressure therapy to help me through an attack. He stops me from hurting myself in meltdowns, sits with me until the only noise I can hear anymore is his snoring on my lap. He allows me to go grocery shopping by myself. He is my soulmate, and anyone who knows me knows how important he is to me.
My dating life isn’t thriving, so I took a shot in the dark and asked my niece if she minded if I brought my service dog as my plus one for her wedding at the end of this month. I have to fly across the country to go, so I will be bringing him anyway since I cannot fly alone. I figured it couldn’t hurt to see if he could not have to stay in the hotel all night. I do not technically need him for the event, since I’ll know every guest and I will be drinking pretty heavily to cope, but getting to spoil him with a bow-tie, dancing, and STEAK, sounded like the perfect reward for helping me on my flight. Several times, I emphasized that I understood it was an odd request and she could say no if she wanted.
She was EMPHATIC that he could come! She said even if I found a date, he could come! I was elated! For once, I felt seen, I felt cared about, I felt valued. And then I got a call from my dad. No one wanted to make things awkward, but the mother of the bride was NOT okay with a dog being at the venue. I explained that he is a trained service animal and will not impede the ceremony in anyway, and I’d of course remove him if he did. Still, he said they didn’t like it. I was so tired of hearing everyone else’s words through my father. He won’t be around forever and sooner or later, they will have to start talking to me
I had one request: let the bride tell me. When I asked her, she said yes, and until she told me she changed her mind, I was under the assumption he could go. Well, I never heard back. My dad kept dropping hints when i’d call him, but I told him what my expectations were. When I RSVP’d, I put my dog as my plus one on the response to let them know I wasn’t backing down this time. At this point, I didn’t even care if she said he couldn’t go. I just wanted to hear it from her.
The next morning, I woke up to an EMAIL from my father. Not even a text, a fucking email explaining that my niece didn’t want to be the bad guy, but my dog was NOT welcome at the wedding. He said he was sorry, but he could still come with me to the hotel if I wanted.
Something inside me broke, I think. I think I realized this is truly a helpless case. They are never going to respect me the way I crave them to. To this day, not one of our conversations has been started by them. I always initiate, and now, the one time I request a direct contact, I get an email.
Family means everything to me. Over the last few years, i’ve redefined what a family can be, and if right now, my family needs to be a very damaged orphan and their service animal, I’m grateful I have that much.
So, I’m going to the wedding, and then I’m never going to talk to any of them again.
And the sad part is, I didn’t even think they’re going to notice.
Update:
First, thank you to everyone for the kind words, and all the advice. It sincerely means so much that so many people care. I want to address all the questions about why I want to go to this wedding at all. There are plenty of practical reasons that I can name, but the truth is, I need to go for my own closure.
I have a strange relationship with death, and loss. My mother died when I was 5; my family split up right after. I’ve lost several caregivers to serious diseases, grieving their death as they lived. I’ve learned how to navigate MY grieving process. If I don’t go to this wedding, I will regret it. Not only is it my last chance to see my childhood family all together in one place, but if I don’t go, I show them they can bully me. I do not want to make a spectical of my trauma with them, but that does not mean I have to walk away with my tail between my knees.
I’m not scared of them. My relationship is non-existent, but I did see my siblings/cousins/neiecesandnephews fairly regularly. When I was a kid, they intimidated and bullied me into silence, but I’m not a child anymore. I lived with these people; I can manage one night, if for no other reason than to prove they cannot control me.
Thanks again for all the kind words. Happy to provide a pupdate if someone can tell me how to post pictures from the app?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
When told not to go to the wedding

I spent $700 on a plane ticket and $200 on a suit. Least I can do is go drink someone else’s liquor and dance my worries away. Besides. It feels like goodbye

&

The cherry on top is they are all very conservative Christians, and I will be going in a suit with my hair dyed green and makeup done to the nines, so this will be my biggest “fuck you, I’m here anyway” I can pull off. Truthfully, my father’s memory is starting to go as he gets older, so even if I did explain my feelings, he will end up sharing anyway, so I’ve made my peace with the fact that it will be a one-way-street because lord knows they’re not gonna ask what I’m up to.

When told to call the bride directly

The last 20 years of trauma will not be solved with one phone call. This was their last chance to prove to me they want me in their lives. It’s not about the dog. It’s the fact that all I asked is to be treated like a person and talked to directly, and they have proven to me they don’t care, so I’m leaving. I already did my job of reaching out to her and she said yes. Why is it my job to reach out and make sure she hasn’t changed her mind?

When told her father is an asshole and he is the one responsible for everything

THANK YOU! I have felt like the only one who cannot fathom how that conversation could be had over EMAIL?? It’s sadly not uncommon for them to communicate through him, and I always have the receipts after the fact when they’re no longer worried about the awkwardness. My brothers don’t even know where I work. I am building a career around my job. They couldn’t tell you what my relationship status is, and I’d be hard pressed to tell you if they knew my middle name to be honest. My father is not innocent, but they are responsible for their part in our relationship. I have stopped reaching out to them directly because I barely hear back, and it’s clear they don’t really care what I’m saying. I could honestly write a book on the road that’s led me to this choice, but who’s got the time in this economy?

Pupdate for Everyone Asking! Feb 6, 2024
He’s a 2.5 year old, Black and Tan Coonhound☺️
Dog tax
Update Feb 26, 2024
Original Story Here:
https://www.reddit.com/TrueOffMyChest/s/2MfJ98m6kP
POST-WEDDING UPDATE!
So, I went to the wedding. It went about how I expected it to go, though one can never be ready for a spontanious conga line. Sadly, there was no secret last minute invite, nor any secret plot of which the bride was unaware. She felt bad saying no, so she lied, and she didn’t want to tell me that, and she still didn’t, even at the wedding. No one really said much at all, in fact. The mother of the bride did not speak to me at all, my brother tiptoed around the subject until the end of the night. To his credit, he did apologize, “for all the dog stuff” as he said goodbye. Strangely, the apology didn’t make me feel much better.
There was no big confrontation either, mainly because no one cared to listen to me if I tried. As the reception began, part of me wondered how much I was going to miss the people, the environment, the vibe, really. Truthfully, I surprised myself with how ready I was to leave. Goodbye was short, and bittwersweet.
The venue was pretty and the alcohol was free, so I made the best of my night, but I got what I needed out of it, I think. Getting home tonight felt like a weight lifting off my shoulders. I know more than ever that I need to do this, and what I once saw as cutting my family in half, I can now see is clearing space for new family, one that cares.
Thank you for all your kind words, and all the support for my dog!
Arrogance is Bliss March 25, 2024
You don’t love me.
You love an idea of me you fabricated in your mind when I was a child.
I’m no longer a child.
I’m far from perfect, but I’m growing, I’m glowing, and I’m grieving the reality that none of you will ever know the person I become.
You call it love, but my scars disagree.
You hate my hair, my style, my beliefs—you hate me.
And the saddest part is, I don’t even think you know you do.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Reddit Account: u/Chicken_Supreme01
Discord Tag: justchackensauce
Name and House: Aerys Belaerys
Age: 20
Cultural Group: Valyrian
Appearance: The blondish-white that marks him as Valyrian, Aerys is a youth in his early 20's and the bright eyes of a man with his whole life ahead of him.
Trait: Just
Skill(s): Vanguard (e), Cunning (e), Tactician
Talent(s): Board Games
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Knight of Aegon's Rest
Starting Location: With his family
Alternate Characters: N/A
---

Bio

Aerys Belaerys was born on Dragonstone to Aemon and Alyssa Belaerys. His father was occupied trying to scrape together any amount of money for their family while his cousins marched to war with the Targaryens. He would be the eldest of their two children with his sister Maegelle being born a few years after and from a young age, Aerys had very little expectations placed upon him unlike others that bore the name Belaerys.
In the beginning he was set to follow one of two paths, that of a warrior or that of a copper counter akin to his father, either way he would be a man sworn to serve the Targaryens and the main branch of Belaerys on their family farm. His mother wished more for him to be told, but being the side branch to an already lowly Valyrian family did not open up many opportunities.
Much would change quickly however, Aerys would only live on Dragonstone for a short period of two years before his families luck would take a surprising turn. A short stint inside Aegonsfort before tragedy befell House Targaryen as the King was slain by a Tully assassin. Aerys was far too young to even remember these times however, with his first memories only ever being of the family's new home in what was once called the castle of Riverrun.
Life would be easy going for Aerys, all eyes were on his elder cousins and the main branch of House Belaerys. Such relaxed expectations would lead Aerys to try and find his own niche in the family, a position no other would be able to match him in. He dreamed ambitiously and so threw himself at everything he could hoping something would stick, and stick something did.
While his cousin Aelor grew to love the fine arts, Aerys would find himself enthralled with matters altogether more martial. Learning the history of the Westerosi was made ever more interesting thanks to the countless spats and wars that occurred throughout the continent. From the Andal invasions all the way back to the mystical wars between the First Men and Children of the Forest, Aerys soaked in knowledge of battles and strategies and begin dreaming of the day he would ride out at the head of his own army.
As the years passed and the boy grew into his teenage years, he had moved on from daydreaming his battles to creating mock scenarios out of game pieces, challenging all who he deemed might pose a worthy challenge. This would start out with a soldier here, or one of the maesters there, but soon enough none in the castle wished to play such a game, and so once more his thirst for advancement in his craft would evolve.
Aerys would begin setting up mock battles using Belaerys men-at-arms as the new pieces. This form of the game would give him further visual queues to look for during the battles, and would lead him to further honing his abilities on the field. The mixture of reading every piece of work and actively leading troops in the mock battles around Aegon's Rest, Aerys' abilities would eventually begin to plateau, there was only so much practice could do in place of actual real world experience.
Such experience was likely enough to come his way however, as before long an old and bitter rivalry that Aerys had only read about finally flared back up. Blackwoods and Brackens once more raised their banners and pointed their weapons at one another.
While much of the surrounding Houses began to fear that the spat would spill out into something all the more devastating, Aerys was overjoyed at the potential for real warfare experience. No other voice was louder then little Aerys Belaerys during the council meeting that Lord Baelor Belaerys called over the matter. While some voiced caution, and others voiced leaving the House out of it entirely, Aerys Belaerys urged his uncle to support a side and earn prestige and renown for their House.
Baelor would be swayed by his nephews pleas, and a raven would be sent to House Blackwood declaring that House Belaerys stood with them. The banners would be called, and while Aerys would not be given any sort of command due to his youth, it would not stop the excitement from rising in his chest. The only thing that did kill the excitement was the dragon that appeared on the horizon the day Belaerys was set to march to join the conflict. At first believing it to be one of the Queens, Aerys was beyond surprised to see none other then his cousin Aelor.
His cousin and the dragon would fly off almost as soon as they had landed. Aerys was not privy to the discussion that took place between father and son, but he knew deep down that if a dragon had joined the mix, it was highly unlikely that he would see any form of real battle this day.
This feeling would turn true as reports came back the very same day that both Blackwoods and Brackens agreed to return to their own lands instead of face a dragon, his heart sank at this news and his feelings became conflicted for but a moment. It was great for his House and cousin that Belaerys now wielded a monstrous beast like Veraxes, but it was that fact that also stole Aerys' first chance at live combat.
He wouldn't remain in a sour mood for long however, because once Aelor returned he would give Aerys the chance of a lifetime, and the pair of cousins would fly atop the back of Veraxes together. Aerys could remember tying the chain, his heart beating hard as the great dragons wings stretched out and prepared for flight. It would be a memory he would hold dear, as though in their childhoods they had never been able to forge a close bond, this one act would be the start of a strong fellowship between the two.
Life would once more fall into a simple cycle of monotony, Aelor flew off to explore what Westeros had to offer, and Aerys would continue his learning efforts. Eventually the entirety of Aegon's Rest library was exhausted. His father Aemon would urge him to see knowledge and experience outside the family's lands, more specifically to the Citadel like he had. Although he was wary of leaving at first, he would concede that in order to grow and gain more knowledge it would be needed.
In 20 AC, Aerys would leave Aegon's Rest for the first time in 18 years. He would travel through the West and Reach, meeting new people and experiencing new things along the way. Finally he would reach Oldtown, the high spire reaching far into the sky above him. He would spend the next five years working his way through several links of a chain, emerging in 25 AC with a more complete education and solid foundation in regards to warfare.
He would make his return journey to Aegon's Rest, only to learn of his family's impending journey to the festivities being held near King's Landing.
---

Timeline

5 AC - Born to Aemon and Alyssa Belaerys.
7 AC - Moved to Aegon's Rest after King Aegon's death.
14 AC - Begins his journey to find his own niche inside his family.
18 AC - Pushes his uncle to join the fight between Blackwood and Bracken, conflict is averted by his cousin Aelor arriving atop Veraxes.
20 AC - Exhausts most avenues of furthering his abilities within Aegon's Rest, journeys to the Citadel in Oldtown to further education.
25 AC - Returns to his family.
25 AC - Present.
---
Family Tree
---
Name and House: Aemon Belaerys
Age: 42
Cultural Group: Valyrian
Appearance: An older man, he has seen his fair share of life, Aemon is usually disheveled looking
Trait: Steward
Skill(s): Architect, Avaricious, Scrutinous
Talent(s): Coin Stacking
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Steward of Aegon's Rest
Starting Location: With his family
Alternate Characters: N/A
---

Bio

Born ten and seven years prior to the Conquest to Maekar Belaerys and Aerea Scales, Aemon had one sibling, a younger sister named Alyssa. He would spend his entire youth on Dragonstone until he'd grown to become a man-at-arms under House Targaryen.
During the Conquest, he'd land with his cousin Baelor and Aegon Targaryen at what is now known as King's Landing. Despite his best attempts, Aemon was never exceptionally skilled with a sword, he would quickly find ways to not be sent to the frontlines, managing to fake an injury to his ribs on the eve of the Field of Fire.
This fake injury would cause him to miss the battle, and thus miss the death of his cousin Monterys as he fell to the enemies arrows. He would miss the field turning red as the Targaryens dragons turned everything to fire and ash.
The loss of his cousin, a man he might have been able to protect had he been more brave, shook the last reserves of strength from Aemon. He would hang up his sword for the last time, vowing to never pretend to do something again, and only do that which he knew would actually be able to help his family.
While his cousin and their offspring proved valorous warriors, Aemon had always been drawn to that which truly made the world function, gold. From a young age his ability to keep track of funds and find the best deals had kept his burgeoning family fed as they tried to subsist on a meager farm on Dragonstone. Although he had a knack for this line of work, his education had been truly lackluster given his background, a few years after the war he would seek his Baelors permission to learn from the group of Maesters down at the Citadel.
After arriving at Oldtown he would immediately become consumed by the sheer amount of potential knowledge the Citadel had to offer, and the nightlife that Oldtown had to offer wasn't too bad in its own right. Despite his marriage to his sister-wife, Alyssa, Aemon had never felt a true closeness to her as a husband should, and so truly he dove into all the city had to offer.
Several years pass, several chain links forged, several seeds planted. Aemon would journey home with so many new experiences gained and knowledge secured under his belt, it was time to return to his family and do everything he could to make up for lost time.
In the time spent in the South, House Belaerys under Baelor had not been idle. Now the Lords of their own fief, it seemed like their House was on the rise. Although the first meeting between the two was awkward at first given the amount of time spent away from each other, Aemon would find his place in the family soon enough.
Raised to the position of Steward, he would quickly show that his time in Oldtown was not wasted. Repairs on the castle would be completed faster than originally anticipated, prices for equipment and resources were negotiated for better prices, and the flow of taxes from the surrounding lands was tweaked to allow for more gains per moon.
Life would pass by, and soon enough Aemon would witness his son growing into a young man of his own. Unlike him though, Aerys would be captivated by war and the commanding of soldiers. Sometimes it led Aemon to wonder how such a boy came from him, but still it made him smile to see his own excel at something they held dear.
One day the peaceful life that Aemon had grown accustomed to appeared to be slipping, as word rose from the east that the ancient rivalry between Blackwoods and Brackens was on the cusp of once again reigniting. Despite his pleas for Baelor to remain neutral from the conflict, it was his own sons words that resonated best with the Lord of Aegon's Rest.
To Aemons own horror, Aerys was pushing for their house to join the fray on the side of the Blackwoods and march to war. Once more the sinking feeling of fear and cowardice crept up on him, and he felt like this time, instead of his cousin dying, it would be his own son.
His fears would begin to reach the surface as the day to march off to battle arrived, no amount of arguing or fighting had dissuaded either Baelor or Aerys from the current course of action, and it seemed anything short of draconic intervention wouldn't be able to stop Belaerys from joining the fight.
Such thoughts would prove true however, as in the sky appeared the mighty form of that which could be mistaken for nothing else. A dragon flew above Aegon's Rest for the first time in a decade, except this time it brought a rider that did not bear the name Targaryen.
Aemon was just as shocked as everyone else as none other then Aelor Belaerys dropped off the back of the dragon. His fears washed away as he witnessed Aelor return to his dragon after speaking with Lord Baelor, surely the son had returned to save his House from sacrificing any lives.
After the conflict was averted by the actions of Aelor, life at Aegon's Rest would return to a sense of normality. Such life was perfect for him, but alas he soon saw the effects it had on his son. The boy seemed to grow restless and irate at the peace that reigned over their region of Westeros. Aemon knew the boy needed new experiences, and thanks to his time there, he knew exactly where such knowledge and experience could be gained.
He would direct his son to travel to the Citadel, engulf himself in the studies and histories the Maesters had collected there, and absorb all he could. Such things would surely teach the boy a thing or two, and also allow him to travel across Westeros and see some of the world outside the castles walls.
All was once more calm, Aemon would begin spending the time he wasn't dedicating to being Steward to fishing, reading, and even teaching his daughter the finer points on being a steward, so that one day she might be able to help out with his duties.
Time would fly by until, in 25 AC, Aerys would return home a moon before House Belaerys was set to travel to the festivities being held near King's Landing. House Belaerys flourished now, a thriving castle and an heir that wielded a deadly dragon.
What could possibly go wrong?
---

Timeline

17 BC - Born to Maekar Belaerys and Aerea Scales.
1 AC - Lands with Aegon and his family, fakes multiple injuries to dodge being sent to the front lines of major battles.
5 AC - Aerys Belaerys is born.
6 AC - Travels to the Citadel to learn economy and stewardship
12 AC - Returns home, Maegelle Belaerys is born on the last day of the last moon.
13 AC - Is named Steward of Aegon's Rest.
20 AC - Sends his son to study at the Citadel, like he once did.
25 AC - Present.
---
Quentyn Strong - Castellan
Weese - Bandit
​

Reddit Account: u/stealthship1
Discord Tag: Ben
Name and House: Alaric Stark
Age: 45
Cultural Group: Northman
Appearance: Long hair that has begun to grey, the traditional grey Stark eyes, and a grim expression. The Lord of Winterfell has not given up his northern attire for southern comforts
Trait: Just
Skill(s): Two-Handed Weapons, Tactician, Cunning, Architect, Investigator
Talent(s): Hunting, Brooding, Meditating
Negative Trait(s): N/a
Starting Title(s): Lord Paramount of the North, Lord of Winterfell, Warden of the North, Master of Laws
Starting Location: King's Landing
Alternate Characters: N/a
***********
Born in 20 BC, Alaric Stark was the second son of King Torrhen Stark and his wife Gilliane Mormont. As a Prince of Winterfell, Alaric was raised in the ways of his people. He was raised in the shadow of his older brother Brandon, who was always bigger, faster, stronger, and better at most things. Competition was constant between them, as well with their younger brother Roderick.
Still, the young prince flourished in his own way, preferring to spread his knowledge instead of focusing on a singular thing. He enjoyed hunting in the Wolfswood and helping improve the castle.
When Aegon the Conqueror arrived in Westeros, his father called the banners and the Kingdom of the North marched south to face the Dragonlord. At the Trident, they were met with three dragons and the combined armies of the Trident, West, Reach, Stormlands, and Blackwater. His bastard uncle, Brandon Snow, offered to slay the dragons, while Brandon and Roderick urged an immediate attack, while Alaric was of the mind to retreat back to Moat Cailin. Instead, King Torrhen would negotiate with King Aegon and the following morning, he would bend the knee and suddenly was Lord Torrhen Stark and Alaric and his brothers lost their titles as princes. The Lords of the North were enraged at the idea, but the King would hear none of it as he refused to let his people die to dragonflame.
The following year, Queen Rhaenys Targaryen arranged a betrothal of his sister Serena to the old King of the Vale, now Lord of the Vale, Ronnel Arryn. Alaric himself would marry in 2 AC and his son Benjicot was born near the end of the year. Alaric and his brothers refused to attend the wedding of Serena and Ronnel, their anger about the Dragonlords and their interference.
In 5 AC, Calon Bolton, a son of Lord Bolton, lead a rebellion of nobles against Lord Torrhen for his kneeling to the Targaryens. For all their differences in opinion, the Stark brothers stood behind their father and his loyal bannermen. Tragedy would strike and Brandon was slain in a hail of arrows near the Dreadfort and Lord Torrhen would take Calon's head with Ice after forcing his surrender. Hostages and wards were taken after the rebellion and the North returned to a sense of normalcy, though Alaric would strike out to the south. He blamed the Targaryens for his brother's death and the rebellion as a whole. He would strike out with a small group of companions for King's Landing and would arrive with the intention of killing the King. That was until he actually met King Aegon and spoke with the man. That meeting would change his entire perspective on the man. Aegon was not just doing this for glory and his own power and that day he gained a new ally. He would serve time as a justiciar for the Master of Laws Dannis Darklyn.
Two years later, Aegon would be assassinated by a conspiracy of men and would fall along with six of his seven Kingsguard. House Tully was extinguished by Queen Visenya and Vhagar for their part in the assassination, though it never quite sat right with Alaric that the Tullys were the only ones named in the investigation but there was nothing else he could have done. Orys Baratheon took up the regency of the realm with both of the Queens pregnant with Aegon's children. He would return to Winterfell in 13 AC at the request of his father. It was then he spoke to his children about his wish to choose one of the queens to formally back, having maintained neutrality in the politics of the realm. The next few weeks would be a blur and as the new year dawned, there was a scream in the morning as Lord Torrhen Stark was found dead in his chambers and a catspaw was killed attempting to flee Winterfell. Rumors swirled as Alaric and his family attempted to find the culprit behind them. Some claimed one of the rebels killed him, others stated that a member of the Company of the Rose did it, and others said that one or more of Torrhen's children killed him. The murder case would go cold and leave more questions than answers.
The next year, Lord Regent Orys Baratheon called a grand hunt in the Kingswood. Lord Alaric arrived with his family in tow to partake in the activities. This would end in disaster as bandits would descend upon the hunting parties and kill or carry off many nobles. Lord Alaric and his brother Roderick would defend their families but their brother's oldest son, Gregor Snow, was killed defending his brother Royce and Brandon Snow was also killed as the Starks retreated back towards King's Landing, bleeding out from arrow wounds on the edge of the Kingswood. The disaster in the Kingswood would eventually lead to most of the Starks returning to Winterfell but Lord Alaric remained with a few members of the family to root out the bandits and get revenge for their fallen family. By the following year, Alaric was named Master of Laws, replacing Lord Triston Massey.
From there, he would remain in King's Landing, making the infrequent trip to Winterfell for various occasions. His family would also go between the capital and Winterfell. As the years passed, Alaric has done much to aid the Queens and Lord Regent Orys in the ruling of the realm. Ice was used for countless executions of noble and common criminals alike. Alaric held a respectful rapport with both queens and their sons, but refused to publicly back either one of them, hoping that Aegon's will that Orys spoke of would give a better understanding of the situation. He even replaced his brother as the Stark in Winterfell, when he felt that Roderick's support for Queen Rhaenys would disrupt the politics of the North and installed his son Benjicot instead. That time is approaching, but there is no answer yet.
**********
AC
Name and House: Roderick Stark
Age: 40
Cultural Group: Northman
Appearance: Black of hair just beginning to grey at the roots and the typical grey Stark eyes, Roderick is the quiet wolf of his family
Trait: Hale
Skill(s): Axes, First Man Warrior, Vanguard
Talent(s): Hunting, Woodworking, Writing
Negative Trait(s): N/a
Starting Title(s): Scion of Winterfell
Starting Location: King's Landing
Alternate Characters: N/a
************
Timeline
20 BC: Born to King Torrhen and Queen Gilliane Mormont
1 BC: Travels south with his family to confront Aegon the Conqueror and his father bends the knee.
1 AC: Married to Lady Dustin
2 AC: Son Benjicot born
5 AC: Daughter Jocelyn born amid the rebellion against his father. His brother Brandon is killed and Alaric becomes the Heir of Winterfell. He later travels south to King's Landing and meets King Aegon and stays in the capital.
7 AC: King Aegon is assassinated and Alaric aids in the investigation but fails to uncover any additional information.
8 AC: Son Domeric born
14 AC: Lord Torrhen Stark dies from an assassin but the culprit is unknown.
15 AC: The Kingswood disaster happens, Alaric's nephew and uncle are killed in the chaos.
16 AC: Alaric is named Master of Laws
25 AC: Lord Regent Orys calls another massive hunt to celebrate the birthdays of the sons of the Dragon
************
NPCs
Benjicot Stark - Tourney Knight
Dalton Stark - Huntsman
************
Household
The Stark in Winterfell - Benjicot Stark
Maester - Archibald
Master at Arms - Ser Clarence Whitehill
Captain of the Winterfell Guard - Eddard Cassel
Steward - Rickard Ironsmith
Castellan - Benjen Poole
Master of Horse - Hallis
Captain of the Guards in King's Landing - Torrhen Long

Reddit: u/SothoryrosFan
Discord: NorvosFan(Cuuner)
Name: Lomas "Big Lom" Hardy
Age: 46
CG: Firstmen
Appearance: Age has been kind to Lomas, refining the sharpness of his jaw, and strengthening his cheekbones. His hair is a comforting shade of brown and his eyes are a soft green, not unlike fresh grass. Years of working the fish trade and handling heavy weapons have left Lomas incredibly broad in stark contrast to his otherwise small stature.
Trait: Strong
Skill(s): Two-handed(E), Firstman warrior(E), Reckless
Talents: catching crab, cooking crab, eating crab
NT: N/A
Start Title: Lord of Strongbox
Start local: The Event
TIMELINE

• Lomas is born in 21 BC as the second child of Lord and Lady Hardy, unfortunately due to preexisting health issues, his mother would not survive the labor.
• Lomas' sister is married in 1 BC
• Lomas joins the army of Aegon the Conqueror alongside many other houses in the area. During the war he is jokingly nicknamed 'Big Lom' on account of his shortness. Later that year his sister and would be nephew die during a difficult labor, a similar case to his mother's death.
• Lomas' Good brother dies of a stomach infection in 1 AC
• By 3 AC, Lomas' fathers health is in decline and so the two remaining Hardys rarely leave their keep.
• in 11 AC Lomas is married to a distant cousin in order to produce an heir for his dying house, she dies that same year after being kicked by a donkey.
• In 15 AC Lomas and his father attend the festivities in The Kingswood, and though they both survive the initial rigamarole, Lomas' father passes from heart pains the following night
• Lomas catches a fairly big crab in 22 AC, this was a good year.
• in 25 AC, Lomas leaves Strongbox to attend the party hosted in the Kingswood after his maester pressured him to go out and court before his bloodline dies out.

FAMILY TREE
Da fam
NPCS
Maester Megellen (Medic) - An old man who has had too many conversations about crab related topics over the years
(This is the only NPC I want)

So I binge-watched Shogun in the last 5 days, which I know is a travesty because I should have drawn it out longer, but here we are. I knew absolutely nothing about the show beforehand except that it had been recommended as "good". I didn't know it was based off a book (books?), or that it had been a TV series before. I will be honest, the first episode had me a little wary. To be frank, I was less than enthused about the prospect of ten episodes with Pilot/Blackthorne as the protagonist, as I thought might be the case. What followed was probably one of most surprising TV watching experiences I have ever had. I've never cried more times watching a TV show, let alone in such a short span of time. I am not exaggerating when I say that-- Mariko's near-suicide? Cried. Next episode when she is revealed dead? Cried. Blackthorne safely leaving Osaka? Lady Ochiba finishing the poem? Yabushige's death? Fuji spreading the ashes? Each time.
This show emotionally wrecked me so profoundly in just 10 episodes. The performances of the central cast were unbelievable. The show had an emotional clarity and a level of intentionality in certain scenes that I can't recall seeing recently in television. I'm used to watching some shows with very carefully crafted plots like russian dolls, where every scene fits into the next, and there is always a sense of "pace" and elaborate structure. It can be overwhelming an unwieldy. This show had scenes, like the tea room with Mariko and Buntaro for instance, that did advance the plot, but it was a scene that almost felt like it asked the viewer to -stop- the plot, and just watch tea being prepared. There were many moments like this.
Of course, there were many problems with the show as well-- in a first pass, there were a lot of things I didn't understand while watching, I had to watch them back or look up online afterwarrds in an episode recap to figure out what I had misunderstood in a character's actions-- which, you might say is my fault for not having read the books or seen previous shows, but maybe the show was a little disjointed. Also, I'm sure others have a lot to say about this, but maybe the beginning felt slow and the ending felt rushed?
All in all, one of the best acted shows I've seen, one of the most unique shows I've seen-- in the sense that they could have chosen to create a tv series with more fighting, action, sex, etc., but they wanted to make something that has those, but also grief, beauty, poetry, family, duty, etc. I know those are themes in other shows, I just appreciate how earnestly and effectively they were represented here.

Reddit Account: u/deepbeepbeep
Discord Tag: spicybadgercurry
Name and House: Emmon Flowers (bastard of Holyhall)
Age: 26
Cultural Group: Primarily Andal descent, Reachman
Appearance: Inclined to being a little plump, with chestnut colored hair and hazel eyes. Plainer than most singers in dress and appearance, favoring brown and white over more gaudy colors.
Trait: Erudite
Skill(s): Investigator, Espionage, Scholar, Scribe, Ravenmaster
Talent(s): Lute player, good singing voice
Negative Trait(s):
Starting Title(s): Bastard of Holyhall, the Maid of Holyhall (derogatory)
Starting Location: Opening Event
Alternate Characters: Yes (see below)
Name and House: Jocelyn Graceford
Age: 25
Cultural Group: Primarily Andal descent, Reachman
Appearance: Was mauled by a hunting dog when she was young, ruining her face and any chances of a decent marriage. Has deep brown eyes, and hair like a raven’s wing – though for the most part, Jocelyn wears a dark veil over her face, hiding the bulk of the damage.
Trait: Insidious
Skill(s): Covert, Rumormonger, Devious
Talent(s): Chronicler, poet, embroiderer
Negative Trait(s):
Starting Title(s): Hermit of Holyhall, Hag of Holyhall (derogatory)
Starting Location: Opening Event
Biographies
Emmon Flowers:
Born just a year prior to the Conquest, Emmon is the product of his father (also named Emmon), who was the sickly heir to Holyhall at the time, and Septa Ynys, who had arrived with Lord Willem (Emmon Graceford’s father)’s second wife, Rhea Merryweather, as an attendant. Septa Ynys gave birth to Emmon Flowers after his father’s death from disease. Emmon Sr. had been aware of his child’s coming, and was hoping to live long enough to meet the child he never believed he would have – though that wouldn’t be the case.
Septa Ynys was called back to do penance for the sin of Emmon Flowers, and Emmon himself was taken to be raised by septons so that he might also do penance for the sin of existing – by becoming a septon himself. Lord Willem, who outlived his son and was hoping to have more children by his second wife, was glad of the disposal of an inconvenient bastard – the resemblance of the infant to his father at that age was more hurtful than gratifying.
Emmon learned music and scholarship (religious and otherwise) with the septons, but was known for being a bit too inquisitive and curious for his own good, despite being otherwise pliant and eager to please. Brief talk was made of sending him to the Maesters, but the Faith believed that Emmon was what was owed to them – after all, he had been born of the Faith.
When he was sixteen, Emmon finally retaliated against another bullying novice – landing one punch on the other boy. Unfortunately, the other boy was slightly more martial, and Emmon came out the worse of the two in the fight. Something about this particular incident, however, convinced the septons that Emmon was more trouble than he was worth – perhaps it was the straw that broke the stallion’s back, amongst all the inconvenient questions Emmon would raise. Either way, Emmon was sent back to Holyhall.
Lord Willem was still alive at the time, but by then had only had a daughter, Jocelyn, by his second wife, the Lady Rhea. He took in Emmon purely to avoid the scandal that would have arisen by having the bastard of Holyhall out on the street, and gave him no other kindness but this.
Emmon spent his time playing music as the resident musician at Holyhall, which gave him at least some purpose, and assisted the Maester with the tending of ravens.
When Emmon was twenty, Lord Willem died suddenly – and the only child that remained was Jocelyn, who had always been kind to Emmon, but who had a talent for intrigue that frightened Emmon to an extent. He saw it coming that he would become part of her machinations, but had no real way of stopping it. At least he would be able to continue his music and studies. At least there would be that.
Timeline
1 BC – Emmon Flowers is born, Emmon Graceford dies. Septa Ynys is sent away to do penance, Emmon is given to septons.
15 AC – Emmon sent in disgrace back to Holyhall
20 AC – Death of Lord Willem Graceford. Ascension of Jocelyn Graceford, Lady of Holyhall
23 AC – Emmon sent to King’s Landing to serve as a singer and the eyes and ears of his aunt
Jocelyn Graceford
Jocelyn was born to the second wife of Willem Graceford and was the only child of this marriage to survive to adulthood – though that very nearly didn’t happen. Jocelyn was badly disfigured by a hunting dog when she was seven years old, and despite treatments by a maester, was ultimately disfigured. Thankfully, she had been able to keep her eyes and tongue. After this, her father abandoned his hopes of arranging a suitable betrothal for her.
Lord Willem had hoped to have a son and heir by his new wife to replace his deceased first heir, but unfortunately, only Jocelyn survived. Rhea Merryweather tried to give her husband a new son and heir, but her multiple pregnancies after Jocelyn only resulted in stillbirths or children who, to the despair of their parents, died in the cradle days after birth.
After his wife finally expired in childbed when Jocelyn was nineteen, Willem was quickly making plans to take a new wife, only to die suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving Jocelyn the Lady of Holyhall.
There are rumors Jocelyn poisoned her father, to prevent him from creating a new heir and sending her to the silent sisters. She denies these rumors.
Because of her disfigurement, Jocelyn tends to not leave Holyhall unless there is great cause for it, or if she cares for those she visits, such as family at Longtable. She wears a long dark veil over her face, to hide the bulk of the damage, and even at Holyhall, only her Maester has seen underneath the veil.
Jocelyn, despite her isolation and lack of marriage prospects, however, is interested in keeping informed, even from her seat in the Reach, and has utilized her nephew to this end.
1 AC – Conquest. Also, Jocelyn was born.
8 AC – The Hound Incident
20 AC – Death of Jocelyn’s mother, Rhea Merryweather. Later in the year, the death of Willem Graceford, Lord of Holyhall.
23 AC – Sent Emmon to King’s Landing.
Family tree: https://www.familyecho.com/?p=RC8O6&c=gwmdyzwnxei4x1xa&f=359849491848085097

Just some situations that have made me facepalm, lol, and/or shake my head- from my last few days of playtime. Feel free to share your own favorite moments in the comments.

• Two colonists are married, the husband is a vampire (Sanguophage) . The husband finally turns his wife into a vampire also (with assistance from me, who had just learned this was a thing I could do) and then promptly decides he wants a divorce. No good reason- he just randomly wants a divorce. The now ex-wife waits for her former husband to start his deathrest cycle, then immediately throws a party- where she seduces the former husband's 17-year-old biological nephew (fun fact, she breastfed this kid after he was born along with her own). The new couple is getting married at some point in the near future unless they break up. The ex-husband is now in a crowded barracks room (because I now have way too many colonists) probably regretting his life choices. His sister currently has a low opinion of both him and his former wife. I'm starting a new game.
• A colonist bonded with an arctic wolf. He named her "Boober."
• Used the Character Editor mod to change a colonist's appearance. She didn't like it and asked for a styling station to change it again. It looks *exactly the same* after she changed it to what she wanted, but she's happy now.
• A colonist added fertilized wild geese eggs to the vending machine (one of the hospitality mods) before I could adjust the storage settings. Since I have no other storage that allowed fertilized eggs they stayed there. Until the vending machine started spewing out baby wild geese and they flooded the guest quarters. The guests gave me a perfect rating, '10/10 will be back to see more vending machine tricks, best vacation ever.'
• A colonist is stressed because she had two babies back to back and they're both crying. Added a surgery bill for tubal ligation and saw an instant mood improvement.
• Sent a herd of baby Tasmanian devils and pangolins (VE endangered animals mod) to my animal launching area to release them back into the wild in hopes of raising my rep with surrounding factions. I released them. They attacked and ate each other before making it to the edges of the map. One survived. Opted to re-tame the leftover Tasmanian devil and named him Duncan.
• A four-year-old colony child just had a beer party, with her mom. I'm expecting a visit from the Imperial social services any minute now.
• A trading caravan just got annihilated when a feral Tasmanian devil decided to try to eat a boomrat right in the middle of their party. Apparently their faction leader thinks this is my fault. Edit: I realized about 15 minutes later that the explosion was so massive and the deaths were instantaneous because the *327 units of chem fuel I had just purchased from said trader were involved in the explosion.* RIP.

All I got for now, although I'm sure there will be more eventually. \o/

I've posted this last year and some things happened which made me quite proud and I'd like to share how things went. So recap and then update:
So... When I was little, I lived with my mom and stepdad, things were great and we were very happy. Then my mom passed when I was 7y, so I moved with my father and stepmom, things were complicated. Currently, I have no contact with him (he's not a good man nor a good dad), and I live with my aunt (since 2018) and her husband (he came along in 2019).
Me and my aunt had an amazing relationship, she was my favourite aunt and all that. However, things started to go wrong when I started living with her, I made the mistake of answering that yes, I wanted to be treated like her daughter along with her 2 sons (one my age and the other 3 years younger). I had a desperate "need" for a mothefather. She became a kind of "maunt" (mother+aunt), and her husband a "stepdad"... Oh how do I regret this
Well, she has a favourite son, the oldest. He's lazy, arrogant, disrespectful, a typical golden boy who got spoiled his whole life and now he doesn't give a damn about anything other than himself.
For being the other woman in the house, she constantly pushes house chores to me, instead of the boys (subconsciously, i believe), pretty much only asks me about things, where her sons are, if the dogs were fed, if the boys cleaned well whatever room they were supposed to, stuff like that, and she's also constantly very, very rude to me (at the point of her husband arguing with her about it). And I got this whole syndrome of everything being my responsibility and anxiety when it comes to her, which became extremely exhausting over the years.
I came out to her about my bissexuality about 4 years ago, i thought she would take it well. She didn't. She masks her disapproval, but she clearly doesn't like it. I was really let down, I genuinely thought she would be supportive and everything we expect, but she first got confused, then annoyed and has said some very hurtful thing over the years. Currently I have a gf (she's 22 years old), we've been dating for over a year. They don't like each other very much, my gf doesn't like her because of all the things she does to me. And my aunt doesn't care about my gf at all because... well, she a girl.
Ok, that's the context. Now here's what happened.
My aunt send some kind of agressive messages over something silly, and that caused my anxiety on fire for the gazillionth time, only that time I had enough. I called my other aunt (by consideration, she's married to my grandad) and asked for help (she knows everything that goes on), if i could move in with them, she said yes. I then replied my aunt with a text saying i had enough and would move in with my grandad. She got upset and said (among other things) that "i had her blessing to leave, even though i didn't ask for it". She called my grandma (we are very close), and my grandma sent me some awful audios of how disappointed she was, how I made my aunt sad, of what would people think, that i used to be such a sweet girl and now this, of how loving is a choice and i chose not to love my aunt, stuff like that. Aunt and her husband went to dinner with my grandad that night without my presence, and told them we had an amazing relationship, that she didn't knew what happened, that my problem was I couldn't take a "no" for an answer, etc.
Two days later, we sat down to talk, she told me to start, I said all I wanted. She then started saying how that kind of thing should not have been adressed through text (which I agree, but I had to text or I'd freak out), that she was harder on me than the boys because (in another words) the world was rough and she loved me the most.
And then her husband also spoke about how he understands both sides and blablabla, and said that i could go to my grandad, but that they felt like i should understand that i would only go because THEY allowed, if they didn't wanted, i would not go, no matter what my grandparents or aunt (grandad's wife) said. He basically wanted to state their power position.
(Since my mother's death, my whole family on her side feel responsible for me, so i see all of them in the same way. None of them are my mom and dad, they are in the same "level" to me and have the same "right"... Him saying that made me burn inside, like they're entitled to me, I don't belong to them or anyone. They're my aunt and "uncle", that's about it, they think they have something on me that they... Don't)
And then my aunt said that I could go, as long as I told my grandad about my sexuality and girlfriend. Now... He's kind of old fashioned and i'm scared he'll reject me... We have an amazing relationship, I have lunch with them every wednesday, and I'm the closest grandkid he has (the others aren't so invested). So I don't know if I tell him the truth and manage to leave (depending on his reaction) or if I don't risk it and stay in the toxic enviroment i'm in.
UPDATE - 14/05/2024
Hello! So, things got much worse before they got better. Let's give them names so the story telling will be easier, let's call my girlfriend Bea, my aunt Leah, her husband James and my "aunt" (my grandad's wife) Rachel.
I basically swallowed my anger because I couldn't bring mysef to speak to my grandad about my sexuality, my grandparents are the most important people in my life as they've always been there for me and I was terrified to be disliked by him. That was until december.
Early december I was leaving for work and before I left, I tried to "notify" my aunt that Bea would be spending Christmas and New Years with me and my siblings (note: my siblings had been looking forward to her being there, specially my brother and my SIL (Luke and Lyla), they made it a question that she'd go. I have 3 paternal siblings, so there's NO relation between them and my aunt Leah. We'd be staying in a city 3 hours away from mine at my brother and SIL's house, every year we do this). She immediately said "you know I don't like this", I said "yes", she then said "good morning" and I left for college.
The next morning, I was eating before going to work and Leah started talking about it and we started a conversation that developed into a fight. She said things like how dare I "notify" her, how that's not how things work and that it would not happen because THEY (she and James) don't feel confortable with this, how THEY think Luke wouldn't like this because "no one likes to have people over for a week" (he and Lyla were super pumped for Bea to go), how THEY don't know my girlfriend enough (come on, we had been dating for over a year already), how THEY wouldn't like me going with her to a stranger's house (in complete disregard to my point of view, it's my freaking brother, whom they met a couple times btw, not a stranger. But to them, the only meaninful point of view was theirs). She had even called my brother to basically "check my story", like?? She also said that we we're only teenagers (seriously, 22 and 20) , and I said "no, she isn't and neither am I!", she said she didn't say Bea was, I then said "and neither am I", she said I was, because I didn't act like and adult, then I got mad and talked about how I do literally everything around the house, always walk the dogs even when I get home tired at 10PM, even though they got there at 7PM, I help with groceries purchase, pay the water bill, clean the house, do the chores her boys lack to do, and when I'm not home, I'm either at work or college, but when she disagrees about something, she just puts me back in the "teenager box". And in the end, she said that my raising was not like this, this made me laugh in anger inside, she's been with me for 5 years, I'm 20 lol.
So that was it, I left for work and got a text from her, apologizing for being rough, saying that she loved me and wanted it to work, that they wanted to talk to me when I got home. I replied saying the same.
Later that day when we were all home, we gathered in the living room, I was literally against the wall and it intimidated me deeply. James started saying how much they loved me and wanted to see me happy, as they want that for all their children (aunt Leah has 2 boys, my cousins, and James has 3 girls). I then talked and expressed how I was feeling, then Leah started talking and basically said in a nicer tone the same things she said earlier, plus how they want me to be happy and want things to work for me, but they think it's too soon, they believe it's not the right time, they they, and therefore, despite being against what they want, I could take Bea, but only in ONE of the two holidays, which I could choose. I was in a bit of a shock (you see, me and Bea had bought the bus tickets a while earlier), had no support, against the wall, I was feeling purely defeated and tired, I only said "Christmas then...", she then said we would sleep in separate rooms and would not go on the 22th after work because "she had already allowed an extra night by allowing her to stay there until the 25th". I stayed in silence, they asked if there was anything I'd like to add, I said no. It wasn't a conversation, in no moment did they actually listened and considered me, they had their minds set way before we sat to talk. I went to my room and rolled all night in pure anxiety. This was thursday
Friday I was a wreck and went to Bea's house to check on her (she was sick that week) and to talk to her about what happened. She noticed something was off, I told her, she got mad and sad, we cried, etc. I went home feeling awful, my anxiety had been 100% all day long and I was in a really bad place and feeling deeply frustrated.
Saturday I woke up worse and decided that I had enough and was not having that anymore. I went outside and called grandad, talked about how I wasn't feeling well and asked what did he think about me leaving home, he said that their doors were always open and that I could just tell my aunt that "I was going to live with my grandad and that was it". I reframed the question asking what he though about me leaving to live alone, he then got worried and said that he didn't think that was necessary, that I had them and didn't need to do that. He then asked me to come over and talk to him and aunt Rachel. I accepted and told aunt Leah I'd sleep at grandad's.
I got there and ate a bit because I didn't want them extra worried, although I felt like throwing up at every bite. Everyone went to sleep and so did I. I woke up a bit later feeling worst, that's when I started to throw up, there was barely anything in my stomach and all I could do was throw up.
The next morning I was better and had already told aunt Rachel about what had happened, she found it absurd how things went (she had met Bea a while back and they clicked very well) and was upset about the things aunt Leah said. I decided to talk to grandad, I couldn't disappear with the subject again, specially now that he was worried sick about me.
So... I sat on the couch and told him what was happening, explained everything, told him that I'm like his stepson's MIL (she's married to a woman. It was the easiest way I found to introduce the topic), told him everything. He asked what I wanted him to do about it, I said that I just wanted him to still love me the same and remain normal with me, that I am still the same person and have always been this way, he just didn't knew about it, but that it changes nothing about me. Aunt Rachel then joined us and asked what he was thinking about it (she knows everything and is amazing to me), he said he wasn't pleased, but that it was my life and he had no say in it and that I should do what's right for me, said that if I wasn't gonna change, then neither would he. But basically, he got much more worried about my mental health than my sexuality, he said that the doors were still open and always would be for me, that he thought I needed a home and thinks they can offer me that. Aunt Rachel said that they wouldn't be obsessive after me, demanding to know every step I take and bossing everything like Leah did, that I have my graduation, I work, make my own money, am responsible, have my own life and am not a child, I'm a 20 year old adult and they would treat me as such.
So that was it. I went back "home" muchhh more confident and waited until nightfall because everyone was having a good time and I didn't want to spoil that. I realized aunt Leah and James were awake and went to talk to them, and that, my friends, is when hell went loose.
I started by saying I talked to my grandad about Bea and my sexuality, Leah asked how it went and I said it was great. Then I said they could talk to him (since they wanted to "decide" with him about my going), she said ok and asked when I wanted to go, I said that it could be in the same week since I was on vacation from college, she frowned, stood firmly and said "you know this won't change our decision about the holidays, right?" then it went boom, I said I didn't agree with them and that it wasn't right for them to dictate about such things. Told them their values and beliefs don't have to be mine, Leah asked "WHY NOT?", then I replied "because I have my own!".
Told them they were controlling and that made their kids lie to them, that since they liked to compare raisings (they criticized Bea's mom's raising because she gives her kids freedom to live their lives and fully trusts), then fine, I went on to say how Bea and her mom have an amazing relationship, full of love and trust, how Bea turned up great, works hard, just made it to psicology at university, helps immensely at home, and so has her sister. As for theirs? They raised their kids poorly, they are overbearing and that makes their kids not trusting them and lying a lot because of this necessity of them to control everything. I stated that the raising they gave their children was not my own, that I had multiple raisings and that no, they didn't "raise" me, I'm 20 and they've been with me for 5 years. Said that was clear, just look at the difference between me and her boys (I won't delve into this bit because it's not relevant, but the difference is nitid).
They said I couldn't take a no for an answer and that was my dad's fault, I said they didn't know what they were talking about, I know how it actually went whilst they made a story in their heads and believe it's the truth, since I knew how my dad used to tell my family one thing and do another.
They (again) said they wouldn't treat me like an adult because I did nothing to behave like one, I said that they didn't treat me as I deserved and they would always put me in the "teenager box" whenever I acted differently to what they thought was right (but I was adult enough to lend James almost 1k without Leah's knoledge lol).
She obviously tried to blame Bea, saying she was putting things in my head and that the last conversation was fine and now I was throwing a fit, I said that I said nothing else then because I felt cornered and realized it wasn't a conversation, it was them simulating one only to tell me what they were going to all along.
I told them they didn't know Bea because they didn't want to and I wasn't confortable bringing her as it was an enviroment unwelcoming to her, she then asked if i would go another year like this until I "felt confortable", I said yes, if that's what it took, that I didn't really need to introduce anyone if I didn't felt comfortable to it.
She once demanded to go meet Bea, after throwing a fit at my BIRTHDAY because Bea planned a day for me and my MIL wanted to make me lunch and they weren't invited, it was super uncomfortable. My aunt described this day as uncomfortable, in this argument I said "and about that day you guys met Bea and her mom? It was uncomfortable? OF COURSE it was, I TOLD you it would be! I told you that was barging in and no one wanted it!". Which Leah said that no, that wasn't the uncomfortable part, the uncomfortable was how Bea was "daring her, being all over me and kissing me in front of her, that she had to be respected!".... Lol, the being "all over me" was me shaking from the anxiety and Bea holding me to keep me in my feet, the "kissing" was ONE greeting kiss. And Bea did nothing "daring" towards Leah, believe me, if she had, aunt Leah would definitely know lol.
At the end, they asked if I was taking Bea, I said, yes, Leah said no, since she called my brother and told him how "things would go down" (amazes me everytime I remember this, she wanted to dictate how the holidays would go IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE). Lol, my brother was just texting me saying how Bea could go spend the whole holiday and we'd just say she left after Christmas. So it wasn't a very good argument on Leah's end. I said it was my business and I was sorry, but it was MY brother, MY family, MY relationship, MY life, and it wasn't up for them to dictate on it, they shouldn't feel comfortable or uncomfortable since it had NOTHING to do with them, and that my family who mattered in this were not only comfortable but very excited for Bea's presence.
I told them I knew I wasn't wrong since grandad and aunt Rachel agreed with me, so they could go ahead and talk to them if they wanted to. They ended up showing me their tumb and I left for my room.
Aunt Leah left to grandad's house in like, 5 minutes, cried to him and all. She got back, went in my room and in an ironic tone, said "sorry, I know I'm not your mother, stay with your raisings, I'm just glad and relieved my father wasn't as ok as you thought (her saying this seriously hurt me), he accepted for reasons ans beliefs he has, so go ahead and pack your bags this week, you're free to go. Sorry for the flaws, I was trying to get it right, be careful when you take that sticker off, don't ruin the painting." aaand she left.
The next day, grandad came and we took 90% of my stuff and I started officially living with him and aunt Rachel. Christmas was a bit awkward (my maternal family does this early Christmas so everyone's free on the 24th), but I was glooming feeling like the weight of the world had left my shoulders.
So... I went with Bea to spend the holidays with my family, my siblings, my SIL's parents and even my 1 year old nephew absolutely adored Bea, they now ask about her even before asking about me lol. My paternal grandmother loved her and was amazing, told my aunt (her daughter) that Bea was adorable and loving. It was amazing and I cannot imagine 2023 Christmas and New Year without Bea with us, she added sooo much.
Recently we've been to Luke's and Lyla's at Easter and made Easter eggs together, watched movies, went out, went to a family gathering where Bea, my uncles, cousins and grandmother (who was really happy to see her since Bea couldn't go to her birthday because she had to work) all got along really well.
We see each other frequently, living with grandad and aunt Rachel has been amazing, I'm finally gaining weight! MANY people have noticed it and it quite frankly scared me a bit, I had no idea it was so evident. But yeah, I'm doing great!
Grandad isn't ready to deal with this, so we don't talk about it. He doesn't like it and doesn't really understands, but he's doesn't meddle. Grandma (maternal) texted these days wanting to meet Bea (finally!), since she found out through aunt Rachel that me and Bea are still together and going strong for 1 year and a half already. I think she took it seriously now.
Anyway, it was hell, lol. But things turned out alright! Thank you for the people who commented in my first post, it was nice reading the comments and taking the options into consideration!

-by Swami BV Tripurari
"Mysticism is found in all of the major religious traditions. It constitutes a spiritual experiential orientation, as opposed to a socioreligious orientation to life. The mystic subset of Hinduism is yoga/Vedānta. The focus of such mysticism is to realize all of the implications of what it means to be consciousness: self-realization and God-realization. The means to do so is a systematic approach to isolating consciousness—one’s self/ātmā—from matter, both its psychic and physical dimensions. The idea is to experience and arguably demonstrate that consciousness exists independently of mind/matter. This subjective experience is arrived at by invoking a great deal of objectivity within what could be called a first-person introspective discipline. The objectivity takes the form of detachment from sense objects through a gradual process of external withdrawal and internal focus.
The yogin/Vedāntin is schooled in this detachment. That is, he or she is schooled as to the ephemeral nature of things—things of sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch—and thoughts themselves. The yogin learns that attachment to things and thoughts creates an illusory and selfish sense of self or ego/identity that, like things and thoughts, is here today but gone tomorrow. Desire for things, the Buddha teaches, is the cause of suffering. The Gītā teaches that attachment to the temporal is the womb from which suffering is born. Thus the pursuit of enduring life and happiness is not found in relation to things that are experienced. It is found in relation to the self that experiences. Armed with such reasoning, the mystic cultivates a sense of detachment. The mystic learns to control the mind and senses rather than being controlled by them and drawn through the flow of thought into an imaginary, worldly sense of self. He or she is objective to the extreme, as detachment from things allows one to look at them objectively, having dismantled one’s biases. The “boy-become-man” in Kipling’s famous poem “If—” sets the bar for a believable supernatural: a human who has risen above his or her passions and who practically speaking is human no more—a sādhu. This bar is the ground of mysticism, that which the mystic’s experience is rooted in.
The ideal of science is one thing. Scientists are another. Like other world citizens in human dress, scientists are also helplessly human. But the mystic is not a world citizen in any practical sense. Passions transcended, the world holds no charm. Living within, the mystic experiences a humbled yet heightened sense of self. He or she experiences the “more” that we intuitively sense we are—more than the fleeting sense of identity derived from attachment to sense objects. With objective sensibility as to the ephemeral nature of the world of things and thought, the mystic goes within and does not come up empty-handed. Without doing and without thinking in relation to things of the world, he or she has and knows more by way of direct experience of the consciousness we are constituted of. Indeed, go within or go without is the mystic’s mantra. A person profits more by gaining deep, abiding experience of the nonmaterial self than he or she does through material acquisition. “Being” derived from or identified with “having” is an impoverished form of existence in the very least. The mystic’s sense of being has nothing to do with having and it is rich with universally desirable characteristics.
While we refer to such a person as a mystic, he or she is really what we all agree constitutes the perfect human, one who loves one’s neighbor like oneself by way of experiencing that which all beings have in common beneath the superficial dress of differences in race, religion, psychological disposition, and so on. In the language of the Gītā, the perfect mystic is one who sees the suffering of others as if it were one’s own. Here we are not speaking of unverifiable subjective experiences, we are speaking about observable behavior that is rare yet undeniably ideal, sought after to one extent or another by different methodologies the world over.
However, unlike all of such methodologies, genuine ego-effacing spiritual discipline from mysticism is aimed exclusively at attaining this ideal. However, other than the arguably supernatural yet observable external results attained by such spiritual discipline, adepts also make objectively unverifiable claims as to the nature of their internal experience and its implications. They claim, for example, that they have realized that as a unit of consciousness, they are eternal, and thus survive biological death. Such claims are not unreasonable in that we can see that such spiritual adepts are largely aloof from bodily and emotional necessities. They live with less—much less—and offer more to the world in the form of their universal compassion. While their subjective experience is not something we can determine the veracity of in the laboratory, the objective and systematic methodology the mystics subject themselves to and the consistent results—the subjective experiences—the mystics report, when combined with the observable fact that such mystics have risen above human passion, must be given consideration in any honest effort to demystify or understand consciousness. While anyone can say anything about their subjective spiritual experience, we find remarkably consistent cross-cultural reporting of experiences among mystics from all religious traditions. With the effacing of the conventional ego self—the fleeting, selfish psychic identity—the mystics experience the more that arguably we are, the consciousness that is the ground of being on which the dance of actual love proceeds."

Edit: If you are going to comment on the length of this post, please don't. This is not a simple snark but rather an actual critical think piece about feminism and Taylor Swift.

Introduction

Pertaining to Taylor Swift, "Female Rage" has deviated from its intended meaning after Swift debuted a new performance of The Tortured Poets Department during the Eras Tour. Now, according to Swift's use of the phrase, female rage is interpreted as public backlash against Swift's dating choices rather than as a response to the broader injustices against women and women's rights. This post examines Taylor Swift's flawed feminism, philanthropy, branding, and the controversial trademark petition for the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical". Swift's background as an entertainer, indeterminate politics, and alignment with capitalism over feminism pervades her legacy, again threatening her public tolerance as not just an individual but as a brand.

Once Upon a Female Rage...

If you were cognizant in the early 2010's, you've heard countless jabs at Taylor Swift in the media. Magazines, radio, or online. Music critics did not take her seriously as a songwriter; parents put a woman on an unrealistic pedestal as the ideal role model for their children; she dated too much and used men as lyrical fodder. No matter the story, it inevitably spread, conjoined with everyone's respective opinions, and you'd be left to wonder, "Why does everyone hate this girl so much?"
Taylor's target demographic has always been young or adolescent girls, more so when Swift herself was one. She made music that spoke to the awkward misfit, cultivating a para-social relationship with fans on MySpace, then later twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, where Taylor posted relatable vlogs showcasing the life of a homegrown American girl. Taylor had a delayed public "growing up" and, compared to her female pop contemporaries, Swift never "gratuitously sexualized her image and seems pathologically averse to controversy" (and, apparently, never even had a sip of alcohol until she turned 21). She was more than happy to spin this narrative to allude to an inherent moral superiority above other women in the industry (Better Than Revenge, heard of it?), engaging in the very slut-shaming that she herself endured (the Madonna and Whore archetypes). The victim complex arose with the need to prove Taylor as a different type of pop girl. Based upon her holy and clean image, Swift had been dubbed "a feminist's nightmare", and that "[To Swift] other girls are obstacles; undeserving enemies who steal Taylor’s soulmates with their bewitching good looks and sexual availability." Feminism and Tennessee-Christian country values don't exactly mix, it seems.
Years later, Swift befriended Lena Dunham and thus experienced white feminism osmosis, where Dunham taught Swift that real feminists defend rapists, makes insensitive jokes about rape and abortion, and prioritize all-white casts. Swift then declared herself a feminist in 2014, saying,

"Becoming friends with Lena – without her preaching to me, but just seeing why she believes what she believes, why she says what she says, why she stands for what she stands for – has made me realize that I’ve been taking a feminist stance without actually saying so."

I suppose the male-centric songwriting subject that permeates Swift's discography contained covert feminism and that we just didn't see that. Perhaps, the "Bad Blood" song and music video were written only in jest and not about poor Katy Perry, for Swift, as a feminist, would "never make it a girl fight" or tear other women down (though all Katy did was date your terrible ex-boyfriend and allegedly steal three backup dancers from your tour). In 2013, Swift said, in response to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's joke towards her serial dating, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
There was that time in 2015 Taylor said that Nicki Minaj was "invited to any stage [she is] on" (as if Taylor expects to have access to every stage, award, and platform that Nicki might not otherwise have as a black female artist...yikes!) in response to Nicki's criticism of the white + thin VMA nominations. Later, Nicki responded with confusion, as Swift continued, "It’s unlike you to pit women against each other. Maybe one of the men took your slot..". Of course, this 'beef' was 'squashed' when Nicki performed with Taylor at the VMAs, with Nicki quite literally only having 38 seconds of stage time without Taylor. Maybe all that parading around with a legion of famous white women - similar to the way Taylor might've done with her numerous 1989-era handbags - was in fact a stance against gender inequality, and that this display of "girl power" should be enough to constitute Swift as a feminist icon.
Even while Swift says that Dunham informed her feminist outlook, she dances around the exact contents of those beliefs: "what she believes, what she says, what she stands for" is not exactly insightful towards what beliefs Swift might have inherited. Taylor never broaches women's rights topics such femicide, FGM, forced pregnancy & marriage, sex trafficking, women in slavery, women's financial and political oppression, women's educational rights, women's health, or women's autonomy, so we can assume she only gives a fuck about "girls supporting girls" (whatever that fucking means).
Despite some questionable (and sometimes vindictive) behavior, Taylor as a young woman did not deserve every media lashing that she received. We cannot deny that most headlines and criticisms perpetuated a misogynistic rhetoric which has plagued Swift for a majority of her career. Acknowledging events such as the development of her ED, her sexual assault trial, "Famous" lyric and MV depiction of Taylor, and the explicit Twitter deepfakes, for example, as both disgusting and unfortunate things that happened to a young woman in Hollywood does not negate the fact that Taylor is mostly a performative feminist.

Get Your Fucking Ass Up and Be a Philanthropist, It Seems Like Nobody Wants to Be a Philanthropist These Days

In 2013, Taylor Swift cut the ribbon at the grand opening of the Taylor Swift Education Center at the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, Tennessee. The donation amount - $4 million - was the largest individual artist gift ever donated to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which is, of course, mentioned on Swift's website. The two-story facility features three classrooms, an instrument room, and an interactive children's exhibit gallery. Swift also performed at "All for the Hall" charity shows and has donated numerous artifacts from her career (such as notable guitars, tour costumes, etc) to the museum.
This was over 11 years ago, and it is still the only notable philanthropic contribution Taylor Swift has made.
For a woman of her net worth and stature, and a woman who recognizes the difficulties for women in film and music, you would think that Taylor Swift might establish a scholarship program for women to study the arts or something. Perhaps Swift might even consider becoming a member of organizations that support female artists, or one that supports LGBTQ+ causes (since she is now proudly an ally), yet she remains superficial with her graces. Broader philanthropy, such as donating relief aid to Palestinian women or women impacted by violence and discrimination will probably never receive any financial support from Miss Swift because then she'd be using her money towards philanthropies involving anyone but white entertainers.
She even says herself in Miss Americana, "My entire moral code as a kid and now is a need to be thought of as 'good'." Well, she's certainly thought of as good, though her actions say otherwise. She's more than happy to do a vaguely altruistic song and dance for a clip-worthy interview quote and mass appeasement, then fuck off to one of her mansions on a 20 minute private jet flight, rather than actually contribute to anything pertaining to the causes she has endorsed. Yet, far too many people continue to give a woman such as her their money, time, and energy, and she hoards these resources to herself.

I Like Some of the Taylor's Songs, But What the Fuck Does She Know About Feminism?

Swift continued with her self-proclaimed feminist campaign, positioning herself as a political activist and LGBTQ+ ally in the Miss Americana documentary. The primary focus of the documentary consists of the sexual assault trial, Andrea Swift's cancer diagnosis, Taylor's ED and body dysmorphia, media scrutiny, and, largely, finally speaking up about her politics publicly, mostly her opposition to the 2018 Tennessee Republican senate candidate, Marsha Blackburn, and Blackburn's beliefs. Swift says, following a scene discussing her experience during the trial,

"I just couldn't really stop thinking about it. And I just thought to myself, next time there is any opportunity to change anything, you had better know what you stand for and what you want to say."

We must ask ourselves, though: when has Swift ever spoken up to change anything? Okay, pulling her entire catalogue from Spotify because they didn't pay their artists enough and similarly pulling her catalogue from Apple Music are changes that she leveraged due to her revenue potential and power, but they are not pertinent to the average woman's rights. Moreover, these are issues that directly impacted Taylor's income, which was enough reason for her to protest in the first place. Swift has sold the most units for a female artist in first week sales, is the first female artist with 100k monthly Spotify listeners, is the first female artist to win the Album of the Year Grammy 4 times, and is the first female artist to do X, Y, and Z, all while being inoffensive and family-friendly to boot. The actual Taylor Swift seems unwilling to compromise the brand of Taylor Swift by contributing in meaningful ways to feminist causes, especially if it is for women outside of America and Hollywood.
The reason political anthems such as "The Man" and "Only the Young" of the Lover era feel disingenuous and corporate is because, well, it is. Taylor has taken every opportunity to advance her career or public image at the expense of other women. What is truly genuine to Taylor's outlook on other women is vying for male attention, taking down female competition, and vocalizing feminist injustices only if they directly impact her and her money. Some will argue that it's satisfactory for a woman with such a huge platform to even TALK about feminism, but that just isn't enough. It's even less impressive when you candidly look at the scope of her feminist lens: "If I was the man, then I'd be THE MAN", or "I really resent the ‘Be careful, buddy, she’s going to write a song about you’ angle, because it trivialises what I do", and, of course, "We all got crowns". Feminism, but only when it happens to me. It gets worse when you look at Taylor's track record of copying other famous women and removing other female artists as potential threats to her pop prowess.
It's good for PR to align yourself with certain blanket feminist and political beliefs, therefore good for branding, therefore good for ticketing and merchandise sales, therefore good for business. And Taylor Swift is a business.
She's not a feminist. Taylor Swift is a capitalist.

I Can't Pay Those Sweatshop Workers a Livable Wage or Benefits! How Else Would I Make My Billions?

Recently, Taylor's team filed to trademark the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical" after Taylor said during Paris N1 of the Eras Tour,

"So you were the first ones to see The Tortured Poets at the Eras Tour...or as I like to call it, 'Female Rage: The Musical'."

This trademark petition was filed last week on Saturday, and news comes about just as numerous unofficial fan-made merch designs have cropped up with this phrase plastered on Fruit of the Loom basics. I'm of the opinion Swift's team motioned for a trademark so that they can send out cease & desists to all those that make knockoff merch, which disrupts potential sales for Bravado, UMG's choice merchandising company; however, since it was filed earlier, perhaps Swift has bigger plans with the bizarre use of the gendered phrase. One Swiftie referred to the phrase "female rage" as "a funny Eras Tour joke". Could it be a possible fourth version of the Eras Tour Movie? Whatever the reason, the motion to capitalize off of such a concept is disgusting, but not unsurprising, for a woman that profits on her vain feminism.
Swift, through her company, TAS Rights Managements, has also trademarked over 200 phrases, including "1989", where she owns the property rights to this calendar year on keychains, phone cases, sunglasses, stationary, bags, beverage ware, clothing, entertainment services, your subconscious, and, of course, Christmas ornaments.
The vapid consumerism in Swiftie culture is, frankly, disgusting. Bravado's sustainability statement is non-existent, the quality control is abysmal, and the materials they use are horrible. The materials, such as acrylic and polyester, are made from petrochemicals. This means they are non-renewable, shed microplastics, and are quite toxic in production. The manufacturing process to make all of those lazy-rushed Eras Tour logo graphic tees is a huge blow to environmental well-being. Apparently, though, Swifties don't give a fuck. They sell out products in seconds and either have to face the manufactured scarcity or buy from a scalper that resells for 200% of the already ridiculous retail price. This doesn't include the environmental impact of vinyl records, CD, and cassette production, of which Taylor produces many variants that sell unsustainable amounts.
If we're talking about women's rights violations, why is no one acknowledging the women that work in the inhumane sweatshop conditions that have to pump out fugly t-shirts and hats? The millions of plastic microfiber dander they are inhaling, or the toxic dyes that touch their bare skin? Are they being compensated fairly for their skilled labour and are they in safe working environments? Do these women have minimal bargaining power, and do they have authority over their worker's rights? Is Taylor Swift female raging at their injustices? Does Taylor Swift ever feels bad that her wealth was built on the backs of women of color, disadvantaged by the demands of the global economy and garment industry? Do you think she ever says a little white feminist prayer for them before she goes to sleep at night?
What's even crazier is not that Taylor herself doesn't care, it's that Swifties don't care. There CANNOT BE ethical billionaires. You only make a billion dollars if you are exploiting other human beings for capital gain. Based on public perception of the possible "Female Rage: The Musical" trademark, it seems like Swifties are already asking for merch with this phrase. "If Taylor made it, I'd buy it." Oh, cool. So not only do you champion Miss Swift's avarice and billionaire status, but you also are unashamed to admit to your blind consumption of her music and merchandise, no matter where they might originate in production or sincerity. Just as Swift takes and takes and takes, Swifties' consumerism of Taylor Swift cannot be quelled.
The tortured artist's most vulnerable and sincere poetry...available now in 21 different versions!

I Am Tortured Poet, Hear Me Whinge

Look - even if Taylor's intention is to characterize TTPD as more "tortured" and "angry", the main thread of the album is "I was ghosted by my decade-long situationship with a controversial indie boy and my fucking stupid fans wrote a 'Speak Up Now' open letter prompting me to drop him" anger, which is adequately expressed in the lyrics and performances. The extent of Taylor's "female rage" on TTPD is on tracks such as "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?", which contends with relentless media scrutiny; "But Daddy I Love Him", where Swift firmly states she'll date whoever she likes no matter how "Sarahs and Hannahs" may react; and "The Albatross", a track mythologizing her reputation and the consequences of dating her. Of course, these coincide with deep psychological wounds that formed during Swift's early years in the media, and so, from her feminist perspective, these subjects tackle the misogyny and double standards that she faced.
Yet Taylor Swift still has no grounds to be claiming that TTPD best exemplifies female rage and therefore she, in the context of this album, is female rage incarnate. As the daughter of a stock broker and mutual fund marketing executive, Taylor was born into wealth and allowed privileges like trips and subsequent relocation to Nashville all so that she might get a record deal. Her father even invested at least $120,000 into the then-fledgling label, Big Machine Records, which ensured Taylor's place with Borchetta after leaving her dead-end development deal with Sony. The fact that her parents were able to buy her a fucking brand new guitar for Christmas and pay for music lessons says so much about the financial security and safety of her childhood.
Money is privilege and protection, and despite Swift's experiences with misogyny and loser boyfriends, she does not know what female rage is.
Her rage is derived from her frustrations with her obsessive fans pulling the moral superiority card on Taylor in response to her rebound with Matty Healy. That's literally it. She's just pissed that the monster she created is no longer obediant, it's become a feral, sovereign entity that depletes the world of its natural resources and thinks it is more intelligent than it actually is because it's mommy has started to talk to it with big words. Apparently, 'illicit', 'elegy', 'nonchalant', and 'precocious' are considerably big words for the oafish monster, and I find it strange that this level of literacy is present in a group of fans that allegedly have GPAs of 3.5 or higher, but I digress.
Taylor Swift has never been one paycheck away from destitution. Taylor Swift has never experienced racial discrimination. She may have instances of gender discrimination, but she possesses the ideal white, blonde American beauty standard and therefore reaps the benefits of being a conventionally attractive woman. Taylor Swift has sufficient social capital. Taylor Swift is a billionaire woman prolonging her victimhood though she, as a woman, has mostly had control over her image and music (unlike her contemporaries). Taylor Swift is NOT entitled to be championed for her "female rage", nor should she be. Taylor Swift has never even been the struggling artist, for fuck's sake. I don't give a fuck if she's trying to fill the empty lunch tables of her past. Taylor Swift purporting herself, her unpolished album, and her lukewarm feminism as a musical bleeding with female rage is asinine.

Sigh Try and Come For My Job, Poors

Out there in the world right now is a 23-year-old woman, a recent college grad, who works as a barista. She has to wake up and get ready to go into a minimum wage job because she cannot get a job in her field. She doesn't have healthcare benefits or sick time, so she has to go into work no matter how she's feeling. All day long she is berated by vicious customers and creepy men, and, exhausted from being on her feet, she knows she has to go home to her shitty roommate that never does the dishes and her roommate's shitty dog. To comfort herself, she considers getting a treat, but thinks against it when she remembers that matcha lattes cost $15 and they taste like milky dirt. She knows that she needs to buy groceries this week, and so the woman resolves to go home, but notices that her gas tank is low. She goes to put gas in the car, but the pump stops at $27.86 because that's all that she has in her checking account. The woman, bereft and reeling, sinks into the driver's seat. "Well," she thinks, her head in her hands, "at least I don't have Taylor Swift's job. I just couldn't imagine."
Fame is somewhat of a choice. If at any moment Taylor feels that she is misunderstood, misconstrued, or overwhelmed by public opinion, she can LEAVE the public eye - Lord knows she has the retirement fund and residuals to do so. In "I Can Do It With a Broken Heart", the TTPD song about meeting the demands of your career-zenith mega-tour while in the relationship trenches, Taylor ends the song by rambling,

"You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart...you know you're good...and I'm good, cause I'm miserable, and no one even knows!...try and come for my job."

Yeah, obviously we wouldn't know, you recently passed the billionaire threshold and are the most famous and in-demand performer in the world right now. Taylor Swift makes an estimated $10 to $13 million dollars A NIGHT on the Eras Tour. Furthermore, the Eras Tour movie grossed $261.6 million globally, (which, as the producer, Taylor takes home 57% of the ticket sales) not counting the streaming revenue from Amazon Prime Video and the estimated $75 million deal that Disney paid to have it on Disney+. We're not even considering the income from cheap plastic popcorn buckets and drink cups plastered with colored squares in her Era-specific likeness.
It's funny. Taylor Swift often said that being famous wasn't hard, that she "isn't complaining". I'm sure it is difficult to always have to present in a good mood, else you'll end up misrepresented in the media, and I'm sure it's invasive to virtually have no privacy or semblance of anonymity. Still, Taylor Swift shows up each night of tour and performs. For a majority of her career, she has penned her sad songs while on the road. Most of "Red", her breakup album, was written in the thick of the Speak Now World tour. Now, some Swifties say they almost "feel bad" for attending the Eras Tour with Swift's revelations in this song, that they have had a 'dimmed experience' upon hearing Taylor's misery whilst performing. Despite the fact that Taylor said that "this was the happiest she's ever been" at Gilette Stadium in May, the lyrics "boohoo, woe is me, smile for the cameras and make the fans happy!!!" are jarring for Eras attendees.
While Taylor Swift was making double-digit millions a night in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and feeling miserable, Ana Clara Benevides Machado passed away due to heat exposure. The concert promoters, Time For Fun, are now the subject of a criminal investigation due to their lack of adequate hydration and safety. Taylor Swift cancelled the Sunday show that was to follow and offered VIP tent tickets to Benevides Marchado's family, which was a kind gesture, but perhaps incongruous to the incident of which they were offered as consolation. Everyone grieves differently, of course, but I'm not sure attending the very show at the very same venue that my daughter or sister passed away in two days prior, where the singer CONTINUED the show despite her death, would be healthy for closure.
There was no female rage at the show as Swift never saw Benevides Machado pass out. There was no female rage towards the disregard for fans as humans while Swift elected to proceed with her Brazil tour dates despite the country being in historic heatwaves (at risk of overheatting herself). If Taylor Swift was so shaken by touring with a broken heart or a fan's passing, she wouldn't have added an additional North American leg of Eras just two months after the Matty breakup. She's brokenhearted but willing to mend the cracks with your money and move onward with her worldwide female rage induced pillaging.
No matter what happens, even if you die at a Taylor Swift concert, Taylor collects a big fat check and flies away. She doesn't know you as anything other than a conversion rate or earning potential despite what her nearly 20-year long parasocial relationship with fans might otherwise indicate. She knows that, while some Swifties are without disposable income, they feel obligated to spend on a "48 Hours Only!" exclusive vinyl variant instead of necessities because they are so entrenched in Taylor Swift's intoxicating celebrity, they'll prioritize materialistic fandom before their needs. This is good enough for her because this means she can expand her real estate portfolio and finance her cat's lavish lifestyles. They're worth an estimated $100 million dollars. Her three cats could pool their net worth and solve world hunger.
While you and I might be denied bereavement leave and barely surviving the current political and economic climate, Taylor Swift has to, instead of gets to, perform for stadiums at full attendance for three nights in a row across the globe. You and I might be replaced by AI at our longtime jobs, but Taylor Swift is threatened with losing more and more money each time you listen to a "Stolen Version" of her songs. If we don't buy every variant of all of her albums, then who is going to pay for the fucking cats?
It is tone deaf to spend as she spends and lives as she lives in this economy, but this is her reality. She was able to donate $100,000 to all of her tour truck drivers, and that's wonderful, but it leads me to wonder about the ethos of the 2020s where one woman can hoard such life-changing amounts of money. Remember in 2014 when she gave a fan $90 ($120 in today's money) to get Chipotle because she had no fucking clue how much it cost? This is a 34-year-old woman who is increasingly out of touch with the reality for working class people and women in general. Normal everyday adults must wake up and go to their thankless jobs, and yet Taylor Swift, despite all her riches, incessantly references the lows of her life and career as a public figure and entertainer to farm sympathy and drive sales. And still, the corporate women have latched onto "I cry a lot, but I am so productive! It's an art!" as their cubicle battle cry.
Do you think that, from up in her private jet, Taylor Swift gazes at the world through her poetic, tortured eyes, and thinks, "All the little people, in their cars, walking, going about their lives...all those girls that don't support girls...do they know that I've made an album about female rage?"

Conclusion/TLDR

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your critical insights towards this entire ordeal: TTPD, the trademark, the implications of it all.
TLDR: Taylor Swift is a bad feminist and is delusional to think that the TTPD eras set exemplifies female rage at women's injustice.

Warning: mention of pregnancy loss and death of family members by gun violence
I, 31 female, have been together with my husband, 37 male, for 10 years and married for almost 9. We have two beautiful children, a 4 yr old son and a 2 yr old daughter and he has two other children with two other women that he doesn’t get to see and pays child support for. Before my son we had 12 losses, one of which I hemorrhaged from and then I ending up almost hemorrhaging to death after our son was born. We also had one more miscarriage after our daughter was born and I’ve since decided to not try for anymore even though this breaks my heart a little because I always wanted a bigger family.
I recently lost my mother and 10 year old niece in August after they were unalived by a family friend who also unalived himself. Less than two months later, my sister tragically passed in a car accident. To say that broke me is truly an understatement. For months all I could do was cry everyday and feel excruciating pain. My mom and sister were extremely close. We messaged and called every day, multiple times a day even though we all live within a 10 mile radius. They were there for me through everything life had to spit at us. We already have lost every female on my dad’s side of the family. My sister and I were all that was left besides our own daughters. The future feels daunting knowing that there may very well be decades with them not here with me.
It’s been many months now and I feel like I am finally starting to feel happiness and I’m just doing my best to spend as much time with my kids and remaining niece and nephew. My oldest niece is my partner in crime especially now that we are in the no mom and no sister club. She’s only in her early teens and she had also been shot but thankfully survived.
On to the issue. My husband has honestly never really put in any effort for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. Usually my birthday I don’t give a crap for but it’s only because in the past I’ve been disappointed because no one ever did anything for it. And I’m talking about just like a card and cake. Nothing serious. I really have dirt floor standards to be frank because I just have learned throughout life not to expect anything. That said I am the person who no matter what kind of financial situation I am in will find a way to show love and appreciation no matter the budget. I’ll make you hand made cards, I’ll personally call you on your birthday or special holidays, and I’ll make cake or cupcakes from scratch. If I have a budget I’ll plan dinner and some time to spend out. I just love making people feel happy and special. I was just raised that way.
So of course I find and marry the one person who honestly could kind of care less. I don’t think he has ever gotten or done anything for my birthday, not for Christmas. I remember he got me something for Mothers Day a few years ago…AFTER I had said something. My mom and sister on the other hand always made sure I got a card and we all had a Mothers Day dinner where we would cook and just enjoy time with our kids and ourselves.
This is my first Mothers Day without them and tomorrow and my sisters birthday without her. I had already verbally mentioned how hard it was going to be and my husband fully knew that it was going to be a hard day for me. My friends even sent him ideas for me, like just cleaning up the house and waking up to make breakfast for me. Things he’s honestly never done ever, but hey those are free things anyone could do to make someone feel special. All he said to my best friend was “lol I don’t have any money.” She got pissed. She ended up buying me flowers, a wind chime, some NA beer (I’m sober), and spent extra time with me because she knew I needed my support people on Mother’s Day. My dad also came out in support and got me more NA beer, bought me lunch, and we picked up my oldest niece and I got to spend a ton of time with her. My husband? Slept in until 10:30am. Didn’t do anything all day. I was up at 6 am with the kids and made breakfast after I realized he was still sleeping because ya know, kids can’t starve and I’m not going to wait 4 hours to have breakfast myself.
The thing is, this is just the tip of the iceberg. He can’t stay employed and oftentimes will switch jobs to avoid paying child support. Sure he’s present for the kids now, but when the going gets tough he pretty much stops putting in effort. I bet if I lived even 20 minutes away from him he wouldn’t see the kids often. He has never ever done much around the house despite me working MULTIPLE jobs at times (at one point I was working 3 and going to school). I work full time for a Fortune 500 company and he can’t even schedule a damn doctors appointment for himself. Any time I try to bring things up he’s dismissive or just denies things. And now he’s also getting more angry and aggressive because child support is being taken out again and he ended up swatting our son so hard our son doubled over…in front of my whole family! This along with Mothers Day has got me just thinking I need to divorce him. He can’t hit our kids like that period. All our son did was throw a damn smore at him! And I have multiple witnesses including my niece, grandfather, brother and SIL. I want to protect our kids. I feel like after that happened if I stay with him I am essentially condoning his behavior. I absolutely confronted him about it and he says he feels bad and should never have done it but he felt justified in that moment. I can’t trust someone like that. And it’s not the first time he’s swatted at our son but this was certainly the worst. So I am ready to leave just for that but then our son would have to be with him unsupervised.
If I am overreacting I want to know. He says I am and constantly says I am. I just need some clarity and maybe just support because if I do this, this is something that once the ball is rolling you can’t really stop it. I’m just afraid…but I think I’m more afraid of what will happen if I stay.
edited to add: As far as the two other children, he used to see his oldest until we moved across the country. Both parents were horrible at communicating and would argue constantly and despite a custody agreement, the mother of said child would block us from talking to him. Turns out, she was abusive and DSS was called on her and the kid lives with his stepdad. my husband was able to contact him after 8 years and they are starting to have a relationship again. The second though, he hasn’t seen since the kid was a few months old. Personally I don’t believe his story that the family drove him out but that was well before me and the mom lives somewhere unknown. That child support order for the second kid came in a few years ago since she filed for public assistance. I still don’t condone not paying either way. He had his opportunities to figure it out and didn’t do it. I’m tired of the financial drain.

Hi Horror fans! I am back with a few more reviews. I normally try to mix up the new and the old the classic and the atypical when I can. My success varies depending on which books call to me. Let me know what you think!
Lowest reviewed to highest.
Survivor Song by Paul Tremblay
Premise- A new rabies virus is running rampant in Massachusetts and Nats is running out of time. Almost ready to give birth and exposed to the rapidly advancing virus she needs help before the baby arrives or she succumbs…
Thoughts- This book almost broke my DNF record. It has been a long time since I gave up on a book and this was close. If it wasn’t a relatively short book (around 300 pages) I don’t think I would have powered through. I disliked one of the main characters throughout (Nats) finding her grating and her attempts at humour embarrassing. It also employs just about every cliché ever put into the apocalyptic or outbreak genre and then makes it worse by being self referential about the cliches. Then towards the end the other main character who I didn’t mind as much becomes so selfish (I understand she’s trying to help her friend but come on) that she willingly endangers a busload of people just for her own ends. All of this is without delving into the awkward and awful kid “slang” Tremblay employs for about 50 pages in the middle of the book. My wife really enjoyed the audiobook for his A Head Full of Ghosts so I will probably try that before writing him off as an author who is not for me but he has a really difficult hill to climb after this. A final thing to note much of this book even when action was occurring felt plodding and slow somehow which I can’t even wrap my head around because rabies infected people chasing down our main characters should be exciting but I could barely keep my eyes open.
Rating- 2/5. Not a 1 because I finished it. Do not recommend. Read any other apocalyptic or outbreak book The Stand or Swan Song comes to mind.
Between Two Fires by Christopher Buehlman
Premise- The Black Death ravages the French countryside and evil lurks behind every corner. A former knight turned brigand encounters a young girl who is more than she seems. Can he find redemption? Does he deserve it?
Thoughts- This is another horrorlit darling. I actually picked up Buehlman’s fantasy novel The Blacktongue Thief first in anticipation of this this novel because it was the only novel of his available at my book store. I enjoyed that and appreciated the author’s humour and dark side. This novel came with a lot of hype as it has to be one of the most recommended books in this sub. The premise of a medieval horror which features demons and devils was incredibly appealing and my wife and I decided to read through it at the same time (her on audio). We both found it pretty underwhelming which I know might be controversial. It’s strange because its well written, I enjoy the characters and the setting but somehow it did not gel with me. The best way I can describe it is it felt almost like a horror show with say 22 episodes. Like most shows with 22 episodes a lot of them are filler or freak of the week episodes and that is how a lot of the middle of the book felt to me. We would travel along with Thomas and Delphine, they would encounter something strange and remarkable (occasionally horrifying) and move on to another area where another strange or remarkable thing would happen. It felt oddly disconnected. Now I need to talk about the ending which didn’t redeem my feelings about a large portion of the book but it was my favourite thing about this novel for sure. It ends in a fantastic way and encapsulates what I think the author was going for throughout the book but didn’t land for me until the end with themes concerning sin, redemption and second chances. This might be the definition of a book I appreciate and can see what others love about it but didn’t register with me for large portions. That ending though, so good.
Rating-3.5/5 stars. An interesting setting for a modern horror novel let down by some meandering adventures which caused it to lose me somewhat before ending on a high note.
Little Heaven by Nick Cutter
Premise- Three hardened mercenaries team up for what seems like an easy job, rescue a woman’s nephew from a cult down south. What it turns into is a fight for their lives which will haunt them down through the years and will make them wonder if they ever really escaped Little Heaven?
Thoughts- My second foray into the work of horrorlit darling Nick Cutter. I enjoyed The Troop and found it suitably disgusting and chilling to earn the reputation it has in the wider horror fan annals. I actually think I prefer Little Heaven overall. One of my biggest gripes with The Troop was its lack of meaningful characters and many of them felt like stereotypes and while some of the characters in Little Heaven fall a little into that category (the Reverand in particular is just a straight black heart) the main group were all well realized in my opinion and despite their obvious shortcomings I came to root for them. Cutter per usual is a master with description, creeping the reader out with every mention of things slimy, crawly or looming. In this book he has included some pages of art which further the atmosphere and really burn some of the images into your mind (one rather tall character in particular). I enjoyed the back and forth between the two timelines, one during the initial trip to Little Heaven in the 60’s and the ugly return in the 80’s. It had almost an It like feeling of needing to overcome your fear when you know what is awaiting you but finding the courage decades later to face it regardless. Similarly to The Troop, Cutter doesn’t give us the Hollywood happy ending either which I enjoy, you get your elements and take what you can from such an evil place. Without going into spoilers there were things about the ultimate confrontation which I disliked (mostly the reveal of what is within the black rock itself) and things which I enjoyed a lot (the ultimate fate of one of the main characters). I think that I have now read what I would consider his two most applauded books I can move onto the one which splits horror audiences in half, The Deep. Overall though Cutter writes horror that really is a page turner and I will continue to read him until he proves otherwise.
Rating-4/5 stars. Another fast-paced creepy jaunt evoking elements of Heart of Darkness (and modern horror takes like Children of Chaos) and the two timeline split involving children obsessed evil like King’s It, Mr. Cutter continues to impress and make it his own.
Empire of the Vampire by Jay Kristoff
Premise- The sun has gone dark and the great empire of Elidaen is at war. Not with their neighbouring countries but the great unholy horde of undying monsters that make up the vampiric kingdoms. Gabriel De Leon will learn what it means to survive and battle against these creatures on his journey to becoming a member of the Silversaints, the great brotherhood of warriors who try to keep the darkness at bay.
Thoughts- Let me start by saying that putting this into my horror reviews is a little of a stretch. This is really more of a dark fantasy book with horror trappings. If you just want straight horror and are not into fantasy as a genre maybe give this one a pass, but if you do enjoy fantasy even a little please check this out. It is epic in scale with fantastic characters and really fun dialogue. If I am being reductive it is like 70% Witcher, 20% Blade and 10% Interview with a Vampire. I happen to enjoy all three of those things quite a bit so I loved this book. The story bounces between three time frames, the framing story in the “present” where Gabriel is imprisoned and telling his life story to his vampire jailor, his origin story taking place when he is around 16 telling of his upbringing and becoming a Silversaint and finally him as a 32 year old on a quest for the holy grail. Kristoff does a really good job at least early on keeping the reader engaged on each story as they bounce back and forth and I never felt too much like I needed to go back to the other time line even though I was always interested in what would happen next. There was one sequence which dragged a little for me (basically the sequence going to and time in Redwatch) but it is a minor gripe in a hell of a book. I am very excited for the sequel which should be out in first half of 2024. This book looks from the title and cover a little juvenile but it is very adult (many brutal murders, battles, amusing and creative cursing and a fair bit of the sexy stuff) so do not be scared off by appearance alone. A definite recommend from me. I could see some people finding the dynamics and themes well trodden from other recent media as mentioned Witcher and things like The Last of Us, but the world and characters Kristoff creates makes it work despite the familiarity.
Rating-4.5/5 stars. A brilliant start to what I hope will be the and amazing vampire series.
Perfume: The Story of a Murderer by Patick Suskind
Premise- Jean-Baptise Grenouille is born with a unique ability, the most extraordinary nose of all time. He can remember, store and create any scent he wishes. To that end he “collects” as many as possible and aims to create the greatest perfume known to mankind. Unfortunately, the best scents that he wishes to capture for his perfume comes from virginal teenage girls and he will take their odour no matter the cost….
Thoughts- I prepared myself for this book based on comments from fellow readers by expecting it to fall into the more distinguished “literature” side of the horror genre. It did but it still surprised me with the directions that it went in. I was expecting more focus lets say on the murders themselves and Suskind does such an amazing job detailing the inner workings of Grenouille’s mind that when we finally get to that part of the book we absolutely understand why they are not really the focus of the novel but merely a means to an end. The descriptions of odours are amazing and a few times I felt myself almost gagging at some of the images Suskind conjures with his prose. I am not a prose person but he does a wonderful job detailing scents in a way you would never think of. The journey Grenouille goes on is utterly unexpected and fascinating. You truly get a strange insight into this broken creature and why he is doing what he is doing and how ultimately the murders mean nothing to him but a way to capture or collect his perfume which is his ambition. The last few pages erupt into a madhouse of defied expectations just when I thought we would have a fairly basic ending Suskind pulls the rug out once again. It also really underlines how animal humanity can be and what we can be reduced to based on our senses.
Rating-5/5 stars. A truly unique novel which defied all expectations. Very different and easy to recommend to horror readers who want something out of the ordinary.
THANKS FOR READING!
If you want to read my previous horror reviews I will post the links here:
Devil in the White City, The Troop, The Damnation Game, Swan Song, The Fisherman and Something Wicked This Way Comes
https://www.reddit.com/horrorlit/comments/15a7jvq/review_sixpack/
Playground, Ghost Story, Red Dragon, The Exorcist, Children of Chaos
https://www.reddit.com/horrorlit/comments/17a3s9t/halloween_season_reviews/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
Mr. Gaunt and Other Uneasy Encounters, Mongrels, Strange Weather, Let the Right One in, The Final Girl Support Group
https://www.reddit.com/horrorlit/comments/18282lx/fall_horror_reviews_feat_graham_jones_hill/
Potential Options Upcoming books:
Owned- Old Country by Query, The Fireman by Hill and Carrion Comfort by Simmons (started this one got about 1/3 through and put it down wasn’t clicking despite me loving his Sci-Fi).
Wishlist- The Imago Sequence and Other Stories by Barron, Boy’s Life by McCammon.

Hi everyone, this is my first post here.
Sorry that I'm not a native English speaker and just started to write poems in English, so there might be som grammatical or vocabulary mistakes. But I hope it might bring a little encouragement to some who is also struggling to live a sober life :)
*
I've almost forgotten how to step into a liquor store, the last and the only one on a Saturday afternoon. The maze I am familiar with always end here. Those bottles of molten iron will not solidify...
The streets' nerve trembles like a snake spitting out its tongue at the entrance, wetting what I once sought to protect. There
Is no victory here. Lush poverty or irresistible mess, left foot or right? The flow of people split the sidewalk, also separate me from life. My father and grandfather were like strangers turn around silently. They never said about death. They do not leave me more addresses. But I know It's not
Here. Something we've all lost, arranged like our regretful names.
When I return to this intersection, pull out the rusty screws that make dizziness a deep well. No, I'm not counting anymore, since I remember freedom or truth as uncountable. Not anymore.
*

In this edition of “Odd Titanica”, we are going to dive into the sleazy, opportunistic world of show business. A world that comedian Fred Allen said of, “you can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly, and still have room for three caraway seeds and a producer’s heart”. Hyperbolic? Let’s take a look at Hollywood’s response to the Titanic disaster to see that there really is no business like show business.
Dorothy Gibson and the lost, first, film are well worn trivia by now. The traumatized actress rushed into production, her inability to process her trauma causing her mental breakdown, collapse, and retirement from acting immediately after the film was finished - it’s a perfect story to demonstrate the callousness of the film industry. But there is more to the story, and digging deeper shows us that “Saved” may have been the least sleazy project undertaken by the studios.
Dorothy’s account of the sinking and the suffering she endured filming “Saved from the Titanic” are predominantly found in two sources - The New York Dramatic Mirror and Moving Picture World. These were trade magazines, published weekly, and consisting solely of material related to the stage and screen business. These would be announcements of upcoming features, casting news, celebrity gossip, technical news - anything the movie star to the man sweeping the floor at the cinema needed to know. And they included ads … lots and lots of ads.
Immediately realizing that Titanic was not only a horrible tragedy but an incredible business opportunity, Moving Picture World got to work. As people stormed White Star Line offices, and raided newspaper carts for any drop of news regarding the sinking, Moving Picture World provided the latest in Titanic news; or perhaps we should say “Titanic” news.
The headlines of the April 27th issue may have screamed TITANIC, but as the public grabbed their copy and hurriedly flipped through the pages, they found that what they were actually given was ads. Those eye grabbing headlines were followed by much smaller print-
TITANIC EFFORTS... are being exerted by Champion to put before the exhibitors that will make them regular Champ Patrons! Get the following latest [releases] and you’ll be convinced!.
UNSINKABLE … is the reputation of Rep productions, but these two releases will sink into the minds of everyone who sees them and will remain there as worthy object lessons.
THE CRY OF THE CHILDREN …suggested by the poem of Elizabeth Barret Browning in 2 reels this Tuesday!
THE GREATEST MOTION PICTURE OF NATIONAL INTEREST - THE SINKING OF…. the big battleship. Remember the Maine!
THE DEATH SHIP...a sensational two reel drama of the sea containing one of the most thrilling dynamite explosions imaginable!
For all the slimy marketing tricks, flipping through the pages still has plenty of legitimate ads for real Titanic newsreels, movies, and a specific type of presentation known a Myriorama involving painting, music, and recitation. But, show business would strike again - the ads were legitimate, but what they were advertising was not. History has sort of forgotten the huge demand for Titanic media in the wake of the sinking, something that didn’t really exist. When cinema owners would order these “only surviving genuine negatives of the disaster” complete with lobby display package, they instead received-

our astonishment to find the Lusitania and Olympic, and one or two scratch films of ancient days posing as pictures of Titanic.

But they didn’t stop. Animated Weekly advertised that they were “the first to reach the wreck… chartered a tug from Cape Breton and rushed to the scene while the survivors were still in the water”. Cinemas began to promote footage of the sinking. Audiences wrote their disgust to Moving Picture World-

These representations are to the point of criminality … Take, for instance, the picture showing the Titanic with about a sixth of her forward length stuck into the iceberg. Everybody knows the collision did not occur in that manner!

They pointed to the following ad as an example - FIRST PICTURES OF THE TITANIC OCEAN DISASTER. The cinema owners responded by noting that they had misread, crammed in tiny letters were the words “sunk in” so that ad actually read FIRST PICTURES OF THE TITANIC sunk in OCEAN DISASTER. It was the customer's fault, they said, to be stupid enough to think anyone could have actually filmed the sinking.
Once this ruse was discovered, the studios shifted gears. The next step was to advertise film along with presentations by “A Lecturer who was on board”. When the audience realized the lecturer was not on Titanic and demanded a refund - the response from the managers was

Those signs didn’t say he was a survivor.

… and any attempt to charge him with the crime of fraud was absurd because, in his own words-

Of course I didn’t give him his money back. The sign didn’t misrepresent anything. West was on the Titanic, the sign didn’t say when he was.

…which was true. The lecturer, Eugene West, had visited Titanic while she was under construction at Belfast.
As for the movies themselves?

We said we had pictures. If people were foolish enough to think we meant moving pictures, that was their fault.

This particular cheated audience member was told if he wanted his money back, to go on the street and sing for it. Whether it was this, or something else, eventually the public snapped and began hauling out cinema managers and beating them in the streets. By May, the mayors of Boston and Memphis had banned the showing of any Titanic pictures - moving or still- within the city.
But, where was Dorothy in all this? Tucked in the very back of the magazine, after another newsreel ad,, we get to the celebrity sighting and gossip section. Ed Lux of the Rex Film Exchange was in town, Dan Markowitz of Fox Pictures was as well, Arthur Schmidt of the Victor Film Company was seen having a lovely spa at a Turkish Bath, Sam Gobel of the St Louis Motion Picture Company has been walking up and down 42nd street, we don’t know if Southern film maker Henry Wasserman is still here but he might be, Dorothy Gibson survived the sinking of the Titanic, and the Director of Selig Pictures took some actresses to Santa Catalina for a swim and a photoshoot and they had a great time.
By the following edition, on May 2nd, Moving Picture World was also able to provide its readers with the first stills from “Saved from the Titanic” and a feature on Dorothy. Along with this, tucked in the editorials, the magazine finally published a piece of truthful news about the Titanic disaster-

Senator William Alden Smith … declined to grant permission to have the cinematopgraph make a record of the sessions of the committee. “The sessions” he is quoted as saying…”are solemn affairs and must not be hippodromed or commercialized”. He is, however, falling into a serious error in judgement-

…they sniffed.

As a matter of right, the camera man ought to have been permitted. The day of the enfranchisement of the motion picture will surely come .. which will give equal rights to the cinematographer and the newspaper man.

Then, among the illegal false advertising and reports of public brawls at the cinema, they ended with-

The lesson of the Titanic disaster and all its incidents can be made far more impressive by pictures that move than by mere words in cold letters.

In this edition of “Odd Titanica”, we are going to dive into the sleazy, opportunistic world of show business. A world that comedian Fred Allen said of, “you can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly, and still have room for three caraway seeds and a producer’s heart”. Hyperbolic? Let’s take a look at Hollywood’s response to the Titanic disaster to see that there really is no business like show business.
Dorothy Gibson and the lost, first, film are well worn trivia by now. The traumatized actress rushed into production, her inability to process her trauma causing her mental breakdown, collapse, and retirement from acting immediately after the film was finished - it’s a perfect story to demonstrate the callousness of the film industry. But there is more to the story, and digging deeper shows us that “Saved” may have been the least sleazy project undertaken by the studios.
Dorothy’s account of the sinking and the suffering she endured filming “Saved from the Titanic” are predominantly found in two sources - The New York Dramatic Mirror and Moving Picture World. These were trade magazines, published weekly, and consisting solely of material related to the stage and screen business. These would be announcements of upcoming features, casting news, celebrity gossip, technical news - anything the movie star to the man sweeping the floor at the cinema needed to know. And they included ads … lots and lots of ads.
Immediately realizing that Titanic was not only a horrible tragedy but an incredible business opportunity, Moving Picture World got to work. As people stormed White Star Line offices, and raided newspaper carts for any drop of news regarding the sinking, Moving Picture World provided the latest in Titanic news; or perhaps we should say “Titanic” news.
The headlines of the April 27th issue may have screamed TITANIC, but as the public grabbed their copy and hurriedly flipped through the pages, they found that what they were actually given was ads. Those eye grabbing headlines were followed by much smaller print-
TITANIC EFFORTS are being exerted by Champion to put before the exhibitors that will make them regular Champ Patrons! Get the following latest [releases] and you’ll be convinced!.
UNSINKABLE … is the reputation of Rep productions, but these two releases will sink into the minds of everyone who sees them and will remain there as worthy object lessons.
THE CRY OF THE CHILDREN …suggested by the poem of Elizabeth Barret Browning in 2 reels this Tuesday!
** THE GREATEST MOTION PICTURE OF NATIONAL INTEREST - THE SINKING OF**…. the big battleship. Remember the Maine!
THE DEATH SHIP...a sensational two reel drama of the sea containing one of the most thrilling dynamite explosions imaginable!
For all the slimy marketing tricks, flipping through the pages still has plenty of legitimate ads for real Titanic newsreels, movies, and a specific type of presentation known a Myriorama involving painting, music, and recitation. But, show business would strike again - the ads were legitimate, but what they were advertising was not.
History has sort of forgotten the huge demand for Titanic media in the wake of the sinking, something that didn’t really exist. When cinema owners would order these “only surviving genuine negatives of the disaster” complete with lobby display package, they instead received-

our astonishment to find the Lusitania and Olympic, and one or two scratch films of ancient days posing as pictures of Titanic.

But they didn’t stop. Animated Weekly advertised that they were “the first to reach the wreck… chartered a tug from Cape Breton and rushed to the scene while the survivors were still in the water”. Cinemas began to promote footage of the sinking. Audiences wrote their disgust to Moving Picture World-

These representations are to the point of criminality … Take, for instance, the picture showing the Titanic with about a sixth of her forward length stuck into the iceberg. Everybody knows the collision did not occur in that manner!

They pointed to the following ad as an example - FIRST PICTURES OF THE TITANIC OCEAN DISASTER. The cinema owners responded by noting that they had misread, crammed in tiny letters were the words “sunk in” so that ad actually read FIRST PICTURES OF THE TITANIC sunk in OCEAN DISASTER. It was the customers fault, they said, to be stupid enough to think anyone could have actually filmed the sinking.
Once this ruse was discovered, the studios shifted gears. The next step was to advertise film along with presentations by “A Lecturer who was on board”. When the audience realized the lecturer was not on Titanic and demanded a refund - the response from the managers was

Those signs didn’t say he was a survivor.

… and any attempt to charge him with the crime of fraud was absurd because, in his own words-

Of course I didn’t give him his money back. The sign didn’t misrepresent anything. West was on the Titanic, the sign didn’t say when he was.

…which was true. The lecturer, Eugene West, had visited Titanic while she was under construction at Belfast.
As for the movies themselves?

We said we had pictures. If people were foolish enough to think we meant moving pictures, that was their fault.

This particular cheated audience member was told if he wanted his money back, to go on the street and sing for it. Whether it was this, or something else, eventually the public snapped and began hauling out cinema managers and beating them in the streets. By May, the mayors of Boston and Memphis had banned the showing of any Titanic pictures - moving or still- within the city.
But, where was Dorothy in all this? Tucked in the very back of the magazine, after another newsreel ad,, we get to the celebrity sighting and gossip section. Ed Lux of the Rex Film Exchange was in town, Dan Markowitz of Fox Pictures was as well, Arthur Schmidt of the Victor Film Company was seen having a lovely spa at a Turkish Bath, Sam Gobel of the St Louis Motion Picture Company has been walking up and down 42nd street, we don’t know if Southern film maker Henry Wasserman is still here but he might be, Dorothy Gibson survived the sinking of the Titanic, and the Director of Selig Pictures took some actresses to Santa Catalina for a swim and a photoshoot and they had a great time.
By the following edition, on May 2nd, Moving Picture World was also able to provide its readers with the first stills from “Saved from the Titanic” and a feature on Dorothy. Along with this, tucked in the editorials, the magazine finally published a piece of truthful news about the Titanic disaster-

Senator William Alden Smith … declined to grant permission to have the cinematopgraph make a record of the sessions of the committee. “The sessions” he is quoted as saying…”are solemn affairs and must not be hippodromed or commercialized”. He is, however, falling into a serious error in judgement-

…they sniffed.

As a matter of right, the camera man ought to have been permitted. The day of the enfranchisement of the motion picture will surely come .. which will give equal rights to the cinematographer and the newspaper man.

Then, among the illegal false advertising and reports of public brawls at the cinema, they ended with-

The lesson of the Titanic disaster and all its incidents can be made far more impressive by pictures that move than by mere words in cold letters.

My sister-in-law is a hopeless drug addict, and has abandoned our 2 year old nephew twice. She had done the same thing and lost custody with her oldest child. She's not getting better.
This child's father was pretty similar, but he ended up ODing, and is no longer with us. So, my wife and I stepped in for our nephew. I have a few questions about what to do:
1) We filed for custody, and the judge granted it to us. My sister-in-law is completely MIA. We don't have my nephew's vital docs, medical records, heck we don't even know his middle name or if the birthday we know of is correct.
The court didn't give us any of this, and refused when we asked for it. My nephew's pediatrician isn't ponying up either. Is there a good way to get this info? We can't even put him in daycare right now, and my wife and I both work full time. We need his vaccination records, etc. I'm WFH, but it's a strain to balance his needs with my meetings etc.
2) Since my nephew's father's death, he is allotted some pittance of social security. I feel bad making this about money, but my wife and I did not anticipate having to raise another young child like this. Any little bit helps, especially since we're going to be paying for daycare.
Currently this stipend goes to my nephew's mother. She's using this for drugs. She's couch serfing from place to place as far as we can tell - so I very much doubt she's paying rent.
My sister-in-law has not been raising her son for over a year now. It's fraud. My wife and I want the payments coming to us, and ideally for them to be backdated. Neither of us care about what legal trouble this may or may not put sis in law in. I know this sounds harsh, but she is not a good person.

I was raised a catholic but they do not believe in reincarnation. I have long ways to go in terms of religion but I absolutely believe in God and Jesus. However, I am very much so intimidated by the thought of God and death. I have always dealt with this feeling of derealization, like I am unreal in this life, but at the same time, a familiarity with the world. I feel a deep connection with the past, particularly with the 1800s-1900s. Despite this, I am unsure of how many lives my soul may have lived. I have not had the privilege of experiencing past life regression therapy. I am not sure whether to trust it, though I have felt drawn to it since I have learned of its existence. I have been afraid of falling subject to scams, so I’ve avoided many therapists and fortune tellers. I once heard a woman a couple years ago in a restaurant talking about her past life she learned about through a therapy session but couldn’t make too many words out. Still, I was shocked and felt envious of her experience, wishing I could learn about my past life/lives. This was much after I’d first learned about past life regression therapy.
I’ve been fascinated with the whole concept of reincarnation since a young child and was told by my mother and some others I was wise beyond my years. I picked up English fairly quickly. However, when I turned 17 or 18, I saw a picture in black and white of Stralsund, Germany. I recognized the fact that it was a picture in Germany though I was not educated about Germany in the past, nor hardly a single thing on world war 2. I somehow knew this picture was from Germany and it brought a very strange feeling to me deep down. From then on, I researched pictures and towns in Germany as well as the language. I found the language easier to learn than Spanish. I feel deeply connected to Germany. I’ve had various dreams of villages, and a certain church that included a cemetery, though I am not sure which country this is from. I looked in the mirror and suddenly thought of the name “Laura” and since then have felt that my past life name from a certain time was Laura. I feel a deep connection to church bells and the feeling of soft grass beneath my feet as well. I often have a restless sensation and a feeling that I am not truly home. It saddens me deeply. I’ve had many visions that I cannot explain, and was wondering if anyone could provide me with some insight. Anything.
Though I have adapted to many things within this time, I feel that my soul belongs elsewhere. I feel as though I am living behind a mask to become accepted and that it is not the real me. I have a set in stone belief that i want to be buried under the ground instead of cremated. I am very argumentative about it. I am fond of old fashioned poetry, fascinated by gothic gravestones, and gothic architecture. I long to be one with the earth and have written poems about it. I’ve cried when thinking about reincarnation and things from the 1800s-1900s. I don’t feel new to this earth but at the time feel clueless about so many things in this century. I feel so much anxiety that never seems to leave my side. It is the most loyal companion I’ve had since I was born. I was unfortunately born with anxiety that has held me back immensely from discovering so many things about myself, including this aspect. I have considered myself a complex individual with an old soul for many years, and am unsure of what to do about it??
I wonder constantly if someone has ever felt a similar way. I feel that I’ll never find a soul that understands what I’m going though, and I am sick of feeling alone in this cold world.

In the new update on the EN server, there is a "6-year anniversary" button, that let's you interact with your t-doll that's currently on the main screen.
When you use it when M4 is on the screen, this scene begins:
*Commander's station* On this silent night, a message from an unknown sender arrives quietly in your mailbox.
...Let me be no nearer
In death's dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed starves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer-
Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom.
I played all game events until Slowshock, so i know what kinda happened to M4 and i know we are in the final arc of GFL.
I'm asking if someone has some lore theory about this poem or if this is something new.
(I tagged it as Lore&Theory and it's my first time doing a post; so if i did something wrong, let me know and i'll work on it immediately)
(UPDATE-14/05/2024)
Doing the same thing with M16, triggers this scene (that i think it's related to the previous one):
*M16 in a bar at night*
You came all the here just looking for me, Commander?
I would stink out like a sore thumb at the celebration, so I'd best stick to this of quiet places.
You know, i had a dream last night--that's right, Dolls dream too.
In my dream, someone was reciting a poem--the voice was familiar but i couldn't remember who it was--
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
In the wind's singing
More distant and solemn
Than a fading star.
Don't ask me what it means, it just felt nostalgic to me.
I hope such a bleak poem did not ruin your fun on such a joyous evening?
Haha, let's just have a drink. I'm sure we both have things we want to say that can only be conveyed in silent sips.
*scene ends*
I tried the same thing with the rest of the AR team, but nothing happened that made me think it's related to these events.
(UPDATE-14/05/2024)
I found out that there are a lot of references about recent events with other characters (dolls and not); i will not post everyone's scene because i think the post will become too dispersive, but i'll make a list and comunicate which characters have lines related to the lore and post it here.
Here is the list of important characters related to the lore, which you can interact:
Kalina, Angelia, SCAR-H & SCR, Wolfpack squad (AK12,AN98,AK15 and RPK-16), UMP9, Architect & Gager.
I also discovered that different skins of the coalition units trigger different scenes (i tried with Scarecrow and Demonic Abyss Scarecrow).
Thank you for reading this far and good luck with the collab event!

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himself, hip, hire, his, historic, historical, history, hit, hold, hole, holiday, holy, home, homeless, honest, honey, honor, hope, horizon, horror, horse, hospital, host, hot, hotel, hour, house, household, housing, how, however, huge, human, humor, hundred, hungry, hunter, hunting, hurt, husband, hypothesis, ice, idea, ideal, identification, identify, identity, ignore, ill, illegal, illness, illustrate, image, imagination, imagine, immediate, immediately, immigrant, immigration, impact, implement, implication, imply, importance, important, impose, impossible, impress, impression, impressive, improve, improvement, incentive, incident, include, including, income, incorporate, increase, increased, increasingly, incredible, indeed, independence, independent, index, indicate, indication, individual, industrial, industry, infant, infection, inflation, influence, inform, information, ingredient, initial, initially, initiative, injury, inner, innocent, inquiry, inside, insight, insist, 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layer, lead, leader, leadership, leading, leaf, league, lean, learn, learning, least, leather, leave, left, leg, legacy, legal, legend, legislation, legislative, legislator, legitimate, lemon, length, less, lesson, let, letter, level, liberal, library, license, lie, life, lifestyle, lifetime, lift, light, like, likely, limit, limitation, limited, line, link, lip, list, listen, literary, literature, little, live, living, load, loan, local, locate, location, lock, long, long-term, look, loose, lose, loss, lost, lot, lots, loud, love, lovely, lover, low, lower, luck, lucky, lunch, luxury, machine, mad, magazine, mail, main, mainly, maintain, maintenance, major, majority, make, maker, makeup, male, mall, man, manage, management, manager, manner, manufacturer, manufacturing, many, map, margin, mark, market, marketing, marriage, married, marry, mask, mass, massive, master, match, material, math, matter, may, maybe, mayor, me, meal, mean, meaning, meanwhile, measure, measurement, meat, 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night, nine, no, nobody, nod, noise, nomination, nominee, none, nonetheless, nor, normal, normally, north, northern, nose, not, note, nothing, notice, notion, novel, now, nowhere, nuclear, number, numerous, nurse, nut, object, objective, obligation, observation, observe, observer, obtain, obvious, obviously, occasion, occasionally, occupation, occupy, occur, ocean, odd, odds, of, off, offense, offensive, offer, office, officer, official, often, oh, oil, okay, old, Olympic, on, once, one, ongoing, onion, online, only, onto, open, opening, operate, operating, operation, operator, opinion, opponent, opportunity, oppose, opposed, opposite, opposition, option, or, orange, order, ordinary, organic, organization, organize, orientation, origin, original, originally, other, others, otherwise, ought, our, ours, ourselves, out, outcome, outside, oven, over, overall, overcome, overlook, owe, own, owner, pace, pack, package, page, pain, painful, paint, painter, painting, pair, pale, Palestinian, palm, pan, panel, panic, pant, paper, paragraph, parent, park, parking, part, participant, participate, participation, particle, particular, particularly, partly, partner, partnership, party, pass, passage, passenger, passion, past, patch, path, patient, pattern, pause, pay, payment, PC, peace, peak, peer, pen, penalty, people, pepper, per, perceive, percentage, perception, perfect, perfectly, perform, performance, perhaps, period, permanent, permission, permit, person, personal, personality, personally, personnel, perspective, persuade, pet, phase, phenomenon, philosophy, phone, photo, photographer, phrase, physical, physically, physician, piano, pick, picture, pie, piece, pile, pilot, pine, pink, pipe, pitch, place, plan, plane, planet, planning, plant, plastic, plate, platform, play, player, please, pleasure, plenty, plot, plus, PM, pocket, poem, poet, poetry, point, police, policy, political, politically, politician, politics, poll, pollution, pool, poor, pop, popular, population, porch, port, portion, portrait, portray, pose, position, positive, possess, possession, possibility, possible, possibly, post, pot, potato, potential, potentially, pound, pour, poverty, powder, power, powerful, practical, practice, prayer, preach, precisely, predict, prediction, prefer, preference, pregnancy, pregnant, preparation, prepare, prescription, presence, present, presentation, preserve, president, presidential, press, pressure, pretend, pretty, prevent, previous, previously, price, pride, priest, primarily, primary, prime, principal, principle, print, prior, priority, prison, prisoner, privacy, private, probably, problem, procedure, proceed, process, processing, processor, proclaim, produce, producer, product, production, profession, professional, professor, profile, profit, program, progress, progressive, project, prominent, promise, promote, prompt, proof, proper, properly, property, proportion, proposal, propose, prosecutor, prospect, protect, protection, protein, protest, proud, prove, provide, provider, province, provision, psychological, psychology, public, publication, publicity, publish, publisher, pull, punishment, purchase, pure, purpose, pursue, push, put, qualify, quality, quarter, quarterback, quarterly, queen, quest, question, quick, quickly, quiet, quietly, quit, quite, quote, race, racial, radiation, radical, radio, rail, rain, raise, range, rank, rapid, rapidly, rare, rarely, rate, rather, rating, ratio, raw, reach, react, reaction, reader, reading, ready, real, reality, realize, really, reason, reasonable, recall, receive, recent, recently, reception, recipe, recipient, recognition, recognize, recommend, recommendation, record, recording, recover, recovery, recruit, red, reduce, reduction, refer, reference, reflect, reflection, reform, refugee, refuse, regard, regarding, regardless, regime, region, regional, register, regular, regularly, regulate, regulation, regulator, reinforce, reject, relate, relation, relationship, relative, relatively, relax, release, relevant, relief, religion, religious, rely, remain, remaining, remarkable, remember, remind, remote, remove, repeat, repeatedly, replace, replacement, reply, report, reporter, represent, representation, representative, Republican, reputation, request, require, requirement, research, researcher, resemble, reservation, resident, residential, resign, resist, resistance, resolution, resolve, resort, resource, respect, respond, response, responsibility, responsible, rest, restaurant, restore, restriction, result, retain, retire, retirement, return, reveal, revenue, review, revolution, rhythm, rice, rich, rid, ride, rifle, right, ring, rise, risk, river, road, rock, role, roll, romantic, roof, room, root, rope, rose, rough, roughly, round, route, routine, row, rub, rubber, rude, ruin, rule, run, running, rural, rush, Russian, sacred, sad, safe, safety, sake, salad, salary, sale, sales, salt, same, sample, sanction, sand, satellite, satisfaction, satisfied, satisfy, sauce, save, saving, say, scale, scandal, scare, scatter, scenario, scene, schedule, scheme, scholar, scholarship, school, science, scientific, scientist, scope, score, scream, screen, script, sea, search, season, seat, second, secondary, secret, secretary, section, sector, secure, security, see, seed, seek, seem, segment, seize, select, selection, self, sell, Senate, senator, send, senior, sense, sensitive, sentence, separate, sequence, series, serious, seriously, servant, serve, service, session, set, setting, settle, settlement, seven, several, severe, sex, sexual, shade, shadow, shake, shall, shallow, shape, share, sharp, she, sheet, shelf, shell, shelter, shift, shine, ship, shirt, shock, shoe, shoot, shooting, shop, shopping, short, shortly, shot, should, shoulder, shout, show, shower, shrug, shut, shy, sibling, sick, side, sigh, sight, sign, signal, significant, significantly, silence, silent, silver, similar, similarly, simple, simply, sin, since, sing, singer, single, sink, sir, sister, sit, site, situation, six, size, ski, skill, skin, skirt, sky, slave, sleep, slice, slide, slight, slightly, slip, slow, slowly, small, smart, smell, smile, smoke, smooth, snap, snow, so, so-called, soccer, social, society, soft, software, soil, solar, soldier, sole, solid, solution, solve, some, somebody, somehow, someone, something, sometimes, somewhat, somewhere, son, song, soon, sophisticated, sorry, sort, soul, sound, soup, source, south, southern, Soviet, space, Spanish, speak, speaker, special, specialist, species, specific, specifically, specify, speech, speed, spend, spending, spin, spirit, spiritual, split, spoil, sponsor, sport, spot, spray, spread, spring, square, squeeze, stability, stable, staff, stage, stain, stair, stake, stand, standard, standing, star, stare, start, state, statement, station, statistical, status, stay, steady, steal, steel, steep, stem, step, stick, still, stimulate, stimulus, stir, stock, stomach, stone, stop, storage, store, storm, story, straight, strange, stranger, strategic, strategy, stream, street, strength, strengthen, stress, stretch, strike, string, strip, stroke, strong, strongly, structural, structure, struggle, student, studio, study, stuff, stupid, style, subject, submit, subsequent, substance, substantial, substitute, succeed, success, successful, successfully, such, sudden, suddenly, sue, suffer, sufficient, sugar, suggest, suggestion, suicide, suit, summer, summit, sun, super, supply, support, supporter, suppose, supposed, Supreme, sure, surely, surface, surgery, surprise, surprised, surprising, surprisingly, surround, survey, survival, survive, survivor, suspect, sustain, swear, sweep, sweet, swim, swing, switch, symbol, symptom, system, table, tactic, tail, take, tale, talent, talk, tall, tank, tap, tape, target, task, taste, tax, taxi, tea, teach, teacher, teaching, team, tear, technical, technique, technology, teen, teenager, telephone, telescope, television, tell, temperature, temporary, ten, tend, tendency, tennis, tension, tent, term, terms, terrible, territory, terror, terrorist, test, testimony, testing, text, than, thank, thanks, that, the, theater, their, them, theme, themselves, then, theory, therapy, there, therefore, these, they, thick, thin, thing, think, thinking, third, thirty, this, those, though, thought, thousand, threat, threaten, three, throat, through, throughout, throw, thus, ticket, tie, tight, time, tiny, tip, tire, tissue, title, to, tobacco, today, toe, together, toilet, token, tolerate, tomato, tomorrow, tone, tongue, tonight, too, tool, tooth, top, topic, toss, total, totally, touch, tough, tour, tourist, tournament, toward, towards, tower, town, toy, trace, track, trade, tradition, traditional, traffic, tragedy, trail, train, training, transfer, transform, transformation, transition, translate, translation, transmission, transmit, transport, transportation, travel, treat, treatment, treaty, tree, tremendous, trend, trial, tribe, trick, trip, troop, trouble, truck, true, truly, trust, truth, try, tube, tunnel, turn, TV, twelve, twenty, twice, twin, two, type, typical, typically, ugly, ultimate, ultimately, unable, uncle, undergo, understand, understanding, unfortunately, uniform, union, unique, unit, United, universal, universe, university, unknown, unless, unlike, until, unusual, up, upon, upper, urban, urge, us, use, used, useful, user, usual, usually, utility, utilize, vacation, valley, valuable, value, variable, variation, variety, various, vary, vast, vegetable, vehicle, venture, version, versus, very, vessel, veteran, via, victim, victory, video, view, viewer, village, violate, violation, violence, violent, virtually, virtue, virus, visibility, visible, vision, visit, visitor, visual, vital, voice, volume, voluntary, volunteer, vote, voter, voting, wage, wait, wake, walk, wall, wander, want, war, warm, warn, warning, wash, waste, watch, water, wave, way, we, weak, weakness, wealth, wealthy, weapon, wear, weather, web, website, wedding, week, weekend, weekly, weigh, weight, welcome, welfare, well, west, western, wet, what, whatever, wheel, when, whenever, where, whereas, whether, which, while, whisper, white, who, whole, whom, whose, why, wide, widely, widespread, wife, wild, wildlife, will, willing, win, wind, window, wine, wing, winner, winter, wipe, wire, wisdom, wise, wish, with, withdraw, within, without, witness, woman, wonder, wonderful, wood, wooden, word, work, worker, working, workout, workplace, works, workshop, world, worried, worry, worth, would, wound, wrap, write, writer, writing, wrong, yard, yeah, year, yell, yellow, yes, yesterday, yet, yield, you, young, your, yours, yourself, youth, zone.

This is a poem I wrote about the moment of death for an old man. I ised Udio to songify it.