So this was a long time coming. So i was originally going to do this pitch awhile ago, all the way back near the start of the year (or at least when I first moved back to Ottawa) no less, at the time, it was going to be titled "The Spectular Spiderman: Team RED" based off the rumors that Ant-Man and Daredevil were going to be in it. But, then Born Again got overhauled, and I believe the stuff related to Ant-Man either wasn't true or it was, but his part got scrapped when Born Again was reworked (as in early set photos, it showed that Pym Particles at one point was going to be involved), and when they said Sony wanted it to be a Multiverse film like NWH, I lost faith and interest in it, and decided to do an Avengers 5 pitch instead (which I am still working on, and is basically going to be my equivalent to the Snyder Cut at this point, due to how big it is).
But, now that it's been confirmed they found a middle ground between Street Level and Multiverse in terms of its story, and also that my Avengers 5 pitch is going to take alittle bit, and my faith in MCU spidey 4 is back, AND that I've done pitches for post-NWH versions of Raimi Spiderman 4 and TASM 3, which I'll leave links to here:
Raimi Spidey 4: https://www.reddit.com/fixingmovies/s/TmHpOtOeWZ
TASM 3: https://www.reddit.com/fixingmovies/s/xMeDoZ9rYB
I think it only makes sense that I come back around, and try doing a pitch for MCU Spiderman 4 again, so without further ado, and no delay. Here is my pitch for MCU Spiderman 4, AKA, "The Spectular Spiderman: Back in Black and with Love".
Before the Marvel intro, we open to the night, that changed, everything. As Peter is seen trying to redeem a gift card he got in the newspaper to get Aunt May a necklace for her birthday, the jewler won't accept it, Peter tries to argue, but he just replies "I miss the part where that's my problem, now Beat It!" Peter leaves, just then, another man enters, with a gun.
You can guess what happens next, the burglar takes the jewlery and money, and on the way out, Peter let's him escape, the burgler says thanks and throws him the necklace he was going to get Aunt May. The mall security gaurd and jewler asks why he didn't do anything, Peter replies "I miss the part where that's my problem".
We get Uncle Ben's death, but I'd have it be closer to the alternate version of Ben's death in the first TASM movie, where Ben (played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan) only sees the burgler in the shadows, believing it to be Peter, he follows him in an alley way, only for shoots to be heard in the distance. Peter finds Uncle Ben's body, and we get this emotionally powerful showcase of Hollands acting, as he mourns over Uncle Ben.
We then cut to Ben's funeral, where see he is buried....right next to where Aunt May will be buried years later, we then cut to sometime after that, Peter on a Rooftop, listening to a phone message Ben sent him before he died, just then, he hears some commotion and goes to investigate, seeing the same man who shoot Uncle Ben in an alley way, behind the man, the shadow of Wilson Fisk slowly coming closer. The man pleads for Spidermans help, Peter simply says "You want my help, then you shouldn't have killed my Uncle". Peter then swings away, we then see Fisk beat the man to death, telling him that he warned Walter this would happen if he didn't pay up. From behind we see a little girl approach the scene, Fisk tries to comfort her, but she runs away in a panic.
Peter is now in his room, unsure if he did the right thing. We then cut to sometime after that, were we see Peter picking out a laptop from the garbage and returning to May's apartment to find...Aunt May talking to Tony Stark.
After the Marvel intro we then cut to more recent times. Where in a montage we get an idea of where Peter's life is, since the events of NWH. We see thay Peter's life as Spiderman is thriving. As he's earned the public and the law enforcements trust back, to the point where he's no longer a wanted criminal, and Damage Control has taken him off there black list, and we see him being the friendly neighborhood Spiderman, even bringing in some C and D-listers I don't see them using as villains anytime soon. These include Big Wheel, Stilt Man, Vermin, Swarm, Grizzly, Rhino (played by Paul Giamatti, though this is an MCU Variant, not the TASM version), Screwball (who is comedically revealed to be Liz Allen), the Real Moltan Man, Pot Paste Pete, and Hypno Hustler.
Though Jameson still slanders him whenever he can. However, we see that Peter's life as Peter Parker, is not going so well. He's way behind on his rent, to the point where his landlord is threatening to evict him, his apartment is very messy with pizza boxes and Chinese food boxes stacked in the corner, he can't keep a steady job, he's always late to his classes if not outright misses them and is failing collage, and he's become extremely anti-social. He doesn't interact with any or his fellow collage students and any if the neighbors in his apartment. It's only as if he's strictly Spiderman now. The only place where he acts like the Peter we know and love is at FEAST, as he comes by and helps and volunteers whenever he can. We also learn that FEAST is now being run by one Martin Li (played by Steven Oyoung).
However, things change when Fisk is elected Mayor of New York (which can be the cliffhanger of Born Again Part One, by the way), and makes Vigilantes illegal, creating a Anti-vigilante Taskforce, funded by Alchemax. Consisting off Vulture (ignore Morbius), Shocker (with a more comic accurate attire), Prowler (Aaron Davis, as last seen in ATSV), Scorpion, Hydro-Man (the real one, who was alluding too as existing in FFH), and Mysterio (somehow, still alive). Things get even weirder, when a new elusive Vigilante known as the Black Cat (played by Anya Taylor-Joy or Sydney Sweeney) comes into the fray, as well as a new student in Peter's collage names Felicia Hardy.
Basically the film would be Peter going up against Fisk and his Anti-vigilante Taskforce. Along the way, Black Cat tries to push Peter into abandoning his civilian persona and embrace being Spiderman. Ironically, neither of them know the others secret identities, and the two becomes close friends at collage, which leads to Peter to opening himself up to some of the others at the collage. Which leads to him making new friends in the form of Robbie Robertson, Carly Cooper, Flash Thompson, and Gwen Stacy (played by Thomasin Mckenzie). The latter of which, like Felicia, also forms an attraction towards Peter. Simultaneously, Spidey meets Daredevil who he finds out is Matt Murdock, and simultaneously, thanks to his Radar Sense, Matt finds out that Peter is Spiderman, and remembers even who he is.
Throughout the movie, Black Cat is the Devil on Peter's shoulder, and (like I said) is trying to push him away from bring Peter Parker and embrace Spiderman, for solely selfish reasons, while Matt is ironically the angel on Peter's other shoulder, trying to push him to keep his civilian persona and try harder to find that balance. Peter's good nature also ironically rubs off on Felicia, and while she starts the movie with bad intentions, she does grow to become a more heroic and selfless person throughout the movie, and becomes a better person by the end, respecting Peter for who he is and his decisions, and realizing why it's important for him to have a civilian identity.
Also, there is a subplot of Gwen trying to get closer to Peter, but Peter rejects her advances, not only because of his attraction to Felicia, but also because he remember what Peter 3 said about her fate, and wants to avoid that as much as possible. Also, yes, we find out the man who killed Uncle Ben was Felicias father, and yes Felicia finds out Peter basically let him die, which creates friction. Ultimately however, with help from Matt and Felicia, Peter defeats the Sinister Six, including Mysterio, who we find out isn't his Quentin Beck, but a Variant from a universe where Mysterio successfully defeated Peter Parker, who somehow ended up in 616, and the three fight Fisk, which ends in a stalemate, with Fisk agreeing to take end the Anti-Vigilante taskforce, and make a sort of middle ground. Though it's also made clear, the conflict is far from over (with this leading directly into Born Again Part Two, which I think will be the culmination of the Street level subplot now instead, by the way).
The film ends with a montage, of Peter improving his life as Peter Parker. Finally paying his rent, and sees he has new neighbors, this is where we meet officer Jefferson Davis (played by Terry Crews) and Miles Morales, Spiderman meeting with the new Captain of the NYPD, Captain Stacy (played by Aaron Eckhart or Josh Dallas), about helping out more and having better ties with the police, which he agree as assigns Yuri (played by Ming Da Wen) as Peter's partner, and Peter starts to get better acquainted with his new group of friends, yes, even Flash. He also takes Robbies advice and gets an internship at the Daily Bugle, where he reunites with Betty, sending videos of Spiderman to Jameson.
The last shot of the movie however, i have two ideasn first is Spiderman and Black Cat meeting on a Rooftop of Peter's apartment, and the two reconciling, and while they decide to call off there relationship (for now) the two decide to remain friends and allies, even revealing each other's identities to one another. Peter then returns to his apartment, he then hears a knock on the door, he answers to see it's Gwen with flowers. He asks Peter if he wants to go onna date, which Peter accepts and the two walk off hand in hand.
My second idea is the same, accept, Peter and Felicia remain in a relationship, and the two share a kiss, and still revealing there identities to one another, Peter is then left there on the Rooftop, thinking about everything that has happened recently, and smiles as we cut to black.
The film would obviously focus on the aftermath of NWH, and Peter struggling with balancing both his personas, it would also explore the idea of learning to let others in and not pushing them away. Yes Peter, shouldn't just let everyone knows he Spiderman, but that doesn't mean he has to isolate himself or decline help when he clearly needs it. It would also show how Peter's good nature can actually help seemingly selfish people change for the better, Felicia being a prime example of this. Anyways, I didn't have the Symbiote play that big of a role, because I didn't have room for it, but to make up for it, it will be the first, of six post credits scenes. Yep im pulling a Gaurdians 2.

• End credits scene 1: The Venom Symbiote arrives at Peter's apartment and attaches itself to him. Like in Spiderman 3, Peter finds himself hanging on a building with it on, and says "What The Fu-" cut to black.
  
• End Credits scene 2: Martin Li meets with a mysterious figure, who is revealed to be Roderick Kingsley, the CEO of Alchemax.
  
• End Credits scene 3: a comedic scene involving Jameson with his own homemade Spiderman cosplay.
  
• End Credits scene 4: a scene from Born Again Part Two.
  
• End Credits scene 5: a scene of MJ at her collage from Boston watching news footage of Peter, she now has dyed red hair. For whatever reason, all her memories coming flooding back, and she says "Peter?".
  
• End Credits scene 6: a scene with Kang/Beyonder that leads directly into Avengers 5.
  

"Man I sure love Fire Emblem Fates. Conquest is my favourite route because I feel it has the best gameplay even though the story is a mess." - normal person expressing an opinion normally.
"Grrr how dare you say that, L take, not all games have to be hard! Revelations is best!" - bad person trying to start a fight, and put someone on the defensive, any FE discussion is secondary to the screaming
This isn't twitter. If you can't express opinions humanely why bother? Aren't we supposed to be talking about video games FOR FUN? We aren't talking about making political decisions that impact real countries and kill real people like deciding whether the healthcare industry should get better or worse or whose side to take in a foreign war, this is a goddamned video game franchise and shouting down opinions like a tooth gnashing rabid dog won't influence the direction the next game takes.

What goes up in the sky when the rain comes down? An umbrella
In this rainy day I hope to find a kind single childless marriage minded man, who will have place for me under his umbrella.
Please, no low effort messages, fed up with one line messages, it's disrespectful and will be ignored.
Europe, 35 y.o.,168 sm/64 kg, pale skin, average building, long hair. Not too ugly. No kids. No bad habits. Hobbies: books, old movies, cultural events (museum, gallery, theatre). I search for intelligent ma rriage minded man, who has time, romance, opportunities, interest and efforts for me. Who will not demand sex before marriage. Who will never make me to feel, that I'm not good enough for him. Who has respect and will not hurt me. Who is able to take initiative and to write first always or at least tend to it.
I sincerely don't expect other people to live up to my expectations. Those, who seemed to be very close to my description at first, gave the worst contact later, we stopped talking in 5 minutes. Those, who were far from my description (not absolutely far, but didn't match in some points), were very pleasant people. That's why this description is not strict demand in most of points. But definitely that can be red flags for some people, maybe, I'm not good for you, so I just save your time, in case if we are too different.

1. That one, who will want to ma rry me and will be able to meet in real life soon. Please, write in your FIRST message, when you are able to meet, if we match. Yes, it's silly to ask, when it's not clear, if it's worthy to meet in general. But why to start conversation, if no opportunity to meet in foreseen future? Relationship with a big distances demand permanent efforts. 99% of all dialogs will end in houday/week. Maybe, in your current life situation relationship are not priority and you have no time to stay in touch. Then better even not to start.
   
2. I wish to meet that man, who is stable both psychically and in his work. Often someone writes, starts conversation, but later his bad mood, difficulties at his work, unstable psychic begins to ruin conversation. It ends with his ghosting and his "offends". If you can't stay stable for me, please, even don't start. I used to work at very stressful job and understand, how strong pressure and responsibility can be. If you can't control your mood, don text.
   
3. You can live anywhere, if you are ready to make efforts for meet in real life. If you are not ready to make any efforts, date locals. Obviously, when there are real feelings, there is wish to make efforts, but there is certain type of people, who will never do anything, they just entertain here without anything real in mind. Even not able to write adequate first message. They send short one line messages and wait, that they will be pursued, what is maximum disrespect.
   
4. Very important! You are officially single, not in any form of relationship and don't have kids. No exceptions from this rule. For a pity, many people are not honest and hide their status. Relationship, that started from lies, will end soon. Please, don't lie.
   
5. Expect, that I'm not from your country and you will have to travel. If you date only girls from your own country and can't travel, please, don't text. I wish your documents are in order. I wish you have passport or can get it soon.
   
6. I search for honest serious, quiet, logical, intelligent man, who has own place or plan to have it soon and can be a provider. Your age, appearance are not important. I prefer older person, who already knows, what he wants, who's love language is acts of service, not just words. Honesty is extremely important.
   
7. You shouldn't be pushy about having kid fast. If you want many kids, please, don't text. You are heterosexual, no exceptions. Sex is not a main thing in relationship for you. If it is, please, don't text.
   
8. You shouldn't demand to share expenses, because I wish to be stay at home wif e (though I have high education and work experience).
   
9. You can take my problems, as your own and will not run away, when know about my health problem, that demands surgical help (not plastic surgery, but more serious. Not in urgent condition, but if not to do anything, then can become urgent. All papers are on hands, ready to prove that need, when we meet, both in papers and in together visit to surgeon). Why do I mention this? Because 99% of men expect to build relationships with successful, healthy woman without any problems, who will never need any help from him, who will not be a burden in any way, who will stay young, sexually active and healthy forever. Most of men event don't have an idea to do anything real for her. They call that "to be with a girlfriend". So I just save your time in case, if you "want a girlfriend experience" without any responsibility.
   
10. You are able to make voice and video calls in teleg r1am, when I ask for it (of course, after work). If you can't for any reason, please, don't text. Some people are not able to use that messenger for many reason and they tell, they don't have camera, microphone, phone or something else. Before texting, please, check, if you can have it. No, I will not ask you to get any cr1 ypro cur rency and your num ber is not needed there.
    
11. I am very introverted by nature and when like someone, this person becomes almost a center of my world, I don't need any other men, I'm one-man-woman. I wish someone, who is same, one-woman-men. I'm jealous and will not forgive lies and cheating, even very light things like flirting with others. I will not run after any man and will not beg for attention. That means: it is you, who is expected to develop conversation, to text first and to offer something. If you are more in passive position and expect me to pursure you, then please, don't text.
    
12. You will get your own space and time, I try to be respectful and understanding to your needs (until it doesn't include other women).
    
13. Often people hate those, who are different from them, simply just for fact of their existence. So I need someone, who will not be irritated with my existence and hobbies (mentioned it in the beginning). I don't expect you to share these hobbies, but I just ask to be ok with it. It's difficult to imagine, that someone, who is deeply in gaming, sport, cosplay, k-pop will accept me as I am. I can't share mentioned activities, just not my thing. But I definitely will be ok with you doing your hobbies. Even if I can't join.
    
14. Very important ! Low efforts message will be ignored. First message MUST have at least 10 sentences about you and date of possible meet, if everything works. Respect my wish, please. You don't have to be big conversationalist, but a short message is a personal disrespect for me. Hope, you are respectful gentleman and will make efforts.
    

If you feel something common and think, you can be that man, then, please, write me about yourself and let's start our conversation. Thanks for your attention.

https://youtu.be/_c_Yg8azAi0?si=Q_vn08wurgEkdQJR
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rem/newtestleper.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going to be taking a closer look/listen at “New Test Leper” which is the third track from the “Hi Side” of the band’s 1996 album New Adventures in Hi-Fi.
This song was actually one of the four songs from the album that was recorded in Seattle, Washington at the Bad Animal Studios. Even though this song wasn’t recorded on the road during the Monster tour like most of the album’s tracks, it was written and played during one of the band’s soundchecks. Peter said “And for some reason, we just forgot about it and never really played it. I don’t know why. Michael just happened to luckily enough have it on tape.” Peter also stated that this is the most “R.E.M.” sounding song on the album.
And I can see why Peter made that comment because the song starts off with Michael’s vocals right away, acoustic guitar, a shaker and some organs from Mike. With that acoustic guitar and that 6/8 time signature it’s definitely giving me Automatic for the People vibes, especially with a song like “Try Not to Breathe.” Now lyrically, here’s another quote from Peter in discussing the inspiration for the song;
“Michael was watching one of those talk shows and I think the subject was ‘People judge me by the way I look’ or something.” Whereas I, when I have the misfortune to look for two minutes at one of those Oprah, Geraldo things, I just get revolted at everyone concerned: the audience, me. Michael actually looked at it and felt like, ‘Gosh, what if someone’s actually trying to communicate something to these people and this person who’s in this awful, tacky, degrading situation?’”
The song starts off with the memorable lyric “I can't say that I love Jesus, that would be a hollow claim.” With this lyric in particular Peter said “It’s written from the perspective of a character that Michael saw on TV on a talk show. But are people going to think Michael’s talking about himself not liking Jesus? I don’t think that people will take us that seriously.”
The next lyric “he did make some observations and I'm quoting them today” seems to be Michael referencing the host of this religious talk show. The quote he uses is “judge not lest ye be judged” which, as Michael says, is a beautiful refrain. But the studio audience of the talk show don’t agree as they ask “have his lambs all gone astray?” It appears that there’s a guest on this talk show who is a “leper” which could mean an outcast of sorts. And in the chorus they say “call me leper.” I think the point that Michael is trying to make is how ironic it is that people of religious stature are judging someone else for not following teachings of the Bible when they are doing that themselves. As the title of this song deals with the New Testament and lepers played in a role in the different stories.
Now before we get into the rest of the song we gotta talk about the music up to this point. As I mentioned earlier, the song starts off with acoustic guitar, organs, vocals and a shaker. Despite it starting off as an acoustic number, the song has an upbeat tempo to it that makes it far from the slowest song on this album. And halfway through the first verse we get the bass and drums entering the mix. The song itself is fairly simple, but Mike’s bassline is far from it! Instead of playing a normal bassline, Mike is playing a lead melody that might as well be played on guitar. He’s what he had to say about this specific bassline just last year;
“I try to keep my bass lines a certain way, but for some reason with 'New Test Leper' I decided to basically play a bass solo all the way through the verses. You don't want the bass by itself, but in terms of free-forming and playing a lot of notes and having a lot of fun with it, I think 'New Test Leper' is the one where I took the guardrails off of it and had a good time."
I also love the electric guitar part during the chorus. Not only is the melody catchy but I love the tone to it. I can’t tell what effects it has on it but it sounds like a tiny bit of tremolo and it gives me strong surf vibe. It’s perfect because it fits alongside Michael’s simple delivery of “call me leper.” Which is also fitting because during the verses Michael’s vocal delivery is soft and warm and has a ton of great dynamics to it.
In the second verse we have Michael calling out the talk show after the host says “you are lost and disillusioned.” Michael understands how awful this show and crowd are and was hoping they’d be able to understand. But when the subtitle on the show say “I am not an animal” he realizes how ugly the whole event is. It should be noted that the quote “I am not an animal” comes from Michael’s favorite movie The Elephant Man which also inspired other R.E.M. songs like “Carnival of Sorts.”
After another melodic chorus we get an instrumental bridge with a gorgeous guitar solo from Peter over some mournful chords. It has that western Glen Campbell sound to it that Peter would return to in a couple albums with Reveal. The tone of that guitar shimmers and shines and the organs feel perfect backing the whole bridge. By far my favorite bridge on this album.
When the band goes back into that last verse we get this eerie sounding guitar feedback from Peter. I feel like this is suppose to be to leave a bad taste in your mouth the same way that this tv show has left a bad taste in this “leper’s” mouth. Michael sings from the perspective of the leper and how they finally understand the show was just a way to shock and awe people. Before they can tell their story, the show cuts to a commercial break. And as they are sitting through five commercials, the host is just staring blankly into his pre organized index cards. He explains how the guests were “scared and hardened” and ends the verse with the lyric “what a sad parade” which Michael admits he borrowed from his fellow songwriter and friend Vic Chestnutt.
The last chorus of the song starts off without any drums which is a nice way to slow the song down before one final chorus with all the instrumentation. Peter continues with that bouncy guitar riff until the band ends on a minor chord which is very appropriate.
Despite this song having a music video directed by Lance Bangs, and despite it being one of Michael’s favorite songs from the band, it was never an official single. It was only used a promotional single in Germany. Yet I feel that’s not a bad thing as this song and its profound meaning might have gone over some non fan’s heads after hearing that opening line. Yes, Michael used a real religious tv evangelism for the background of this song, but it’s not to hate on a specific religion. But more so to show the hypocrisy of preaching kindness and telling people to treating others how you want to be treated, to just then turn around and judge someone for being different. This message is wrapped up in this jaunty acoustic number that features all the great element throughout this album while remaining fresh. Plus it’s one of Mikes best basslines.
But what do you think of this song? Should it have been a single? What do you think the song is about? Favorite musical or lyrical moments? And did you ever see it live?

https://youtu.be/TK6XQ1_L6To?si=ZGfN8fEZOeSnPShi
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tragicallyhip/escapeisathandforthetravellinman.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going to be taking a closer listen/look at the penultimate track from Phantom Power titled “Escape is at Hand for the Travellin’ Man.”
“Escape…” is a fan favorite song from the band. It was voted to be included on the band’s Yer Favorites album, it was also voted as the song fans wanted to hear live the most in 2004 and it was the first song that the band practiced before their final tour in 2016. And the song itself has a pretty rich history.
The song was written for Jim Ellison, the lead singer and guitarist for the Chicago, Illinois band Material Issue. Unfortunately, on June 20th, 1996, Jim committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning. This song lyrically, as we will break down, describes the short relationship that Gord had with Jim as well as how Gord grieved over his loss.
But before we dive into the lyrics, we have to talk about the music of this track because the music plays for a full minute before Gord’s vocals come in. Imagine if the outro jam for “The Last of the Unplucked Gems” went on for almost six minutes. That’s close to what we get with this song. Johnny’s drum beat is slightly faster than the Road Apples closing track, not super fast but enough to get your head nodding along. You also have the star of the show (in my opinion) Mr. Gord Sinclair with his phenomenal bass playing. He’s playing these chords in a picking pattern very high up on the neck of his bass. He plays it in a very hypnotic way and does a ton of variations like slides as well and moving all around the fret board. To me, it’s what drives the song and recently he made a short video describing how he came up with the bassline. You can check it out here:
https://youtube.com/shorts/vnMabjQTRtA?si=lOexR5kZarikBcHs
So while you have this extremely tight groove between Sinclair and Johnny, Paul is playing these counter melodies/riffs to the song’s grooving bassline. And then you have Rob who’s playing one of his most interesting guitar parts. Throughout most of the song, Rob is playing these little atmospheric guitar parts that include slides, hammer ons, pull offs and harmonics. But to make this sound even more interesting he set up a delay unit for his guitar with different speeds. This creates different sound with the different speeds every three seconds or so. It’s how his guitar sounds so dreamy on this song.
Once Gord starts singing, the first thing I notice is his vocal delivery. He sings this song in a typical Gord way that is just unique enough that it takes a couple of listens to be able to sing along with him on the verses. He starts off the song with the lyric “it was our third time in New York, it was your fourth time in New York. We were fifth and sixth on the bill.” Although I couldn’t find the exact history, we are to assume that this lyric dives into the history of the Hip playing a show/festival with Jim and his band Material Issue. This may have even been the first time that each band had met each other. It would make sense that the Hip would be fifth or sixth on the bill since they never broke out in the states. I also want to point out the clever way that Gord counts up with the lyrics “third, fourth, fifth, sixth.”
Gord sings about talking to Jim about each other bands as well as their “future plans.” But then he makes it a point that they are not “best” friends. They’ve only met briefly during some sort of music festival and it’s hard to be someone’s best friend in that short amount of time. And right before the band transitions into the chorus, you can barely hear Gord say “why, what did we do?”
The band transitions until the chorus which still keeps that somewhat laid back sound, this time with different chords and Paul being a bit more deliberate with his picking. Gord sings “that number scheme comes back to me. In times beyond our heartbeat.” I think the “number scheme” could be that “third, fourth, fifth, sixth” lyrics that he sings throughout the first verse. And the heartbeat lyric is something he’ll return to later on that we’ll talk about then. Vocally, Gord sings the chorus in a more straightforward way and it’s extremely catchy with Paul’s backing harmonies.
The band goes back into the vibe heavy verse jam with those atmospheric guitar notes from Rob still playing. In this verse, Gord sings about hanging around to the last band performing at this festival and this band happens to be called Escape Is At Hand For The Travelling Man. Of course it’s a fake band name Gord came up with, but oh man is it so good. He also makes up different songs that this band plays such as “Lonely From Rock And Roll”, “They Checked Out An Hour Ago” and “They Checked Out An Hour Ago.” All fantastic names and the last name could have a double meaning behind someone choosing to end their live.
In the second chorus we get Gord singing “those melodies come back to me. At times beyond our heartbeat.” I love this lyric because as I get older, I’ll hear a song and even a specific melody, and it’ll transport me to the first time I ever heard it. Music is the closest thing we have to a time machine right now.
After the second chorus get into the bridge section which sees the guitar take a more typical approach by strumming chords. This gives this section a bit more intensity than the rest of the song and makes it soar instead of drone (in a good way). Gord’s vocals become a bit more lively and passionate as he sings “I guess I'm too slow” which to me is him acknowledging that he was too slow to reconnect with Jim while he had the chance. He sings “you said any time of the day was fine. You said any time of the night was also fine” which is probably what Jim told him when they first met and exchanged numbers. With Paul’s backing vocals this bridge is extremely emotional and hits hard when you understand the context.
In the third verse Gord sings about trying to reach Jim but getting no answer on the seventh floor of the hotel. Gord does a phenomenal job at painting pictures, like of pigeons weighing down a telephone wire or the elevator giving out a low moan which adds to the bitterness of this song. He even sings about a chambermaid singing along to the fake song “They Checked Out An Hour Ago.” At the end of the verse he sings “I kind of chucked” in a similar way that he sung/talked the last line of the first verse.
After a final chorus and additional bridge, the band goes back into the intro/verse jam. But as Gord continues to sing “our heartbeat” (which to me could be about how fragile human life is) we can hear Johnny’s drumming becoming heavier and starts driving the song even more than the bass is. This leads to a euphoric vocal delivery from Gord with the amazing lyric “long conversation or idle chit chat. Maybe dive in or maybe hang back.” It doesn’t matter if it’s a deep conversation or if it’s just casual talk, it’s important to talk and connect to the people you love while you have the chance. And the way Gord sings this lyric really seals the deal. After the building of that last lyric the band quietly but quickly dissolves to end the song in a fitting way.
This song means a lot to a lot of people because of its rich lyrics, its emotional depth and its stunning music. It’s no wonder why it’s a fan favorite and was the band’s 20th most played song live. Before we close out this discussion I would like to post a story that a fan had of this song when it came to a particular live performance;
“Gord said during a live performance of this song on May 11, 2007, that Material Issue had driven through the night in their van to get to this concert in NY. After the show, one of the guys in the band was too sick to sleep in their van, and they had no accommodations. Gord said he and Paul offered the guy their hotel room, he accepted, and that was the last time they ever saw any of them. Material Issue checked out the next morning before saying goodbye to The Hip.”
But what do you think of this fan favorite? Is it one of the band’s best songs? What does the song mean to you? What are your favorite lyrical or musical moments? And did you ever catch it live?

Forgive me for a longer post. Pictures don’t do justice for the amount of work I’ve put in, not just in the weight room but inner-work. I’ll try to keep it interesting, on topic, with little quirks of my humor sprinkled in (😊). I appreciate anyone taking the time to read this.
Crossposting to the other communities that have helped me so much.
Had a tough time staying focused on the workout discipline side of things, especially during this past winter. (More context below)
I drank beer, mostly, and played a lot of video games (particularly during the covid lockdowns) to get that big, 317 lbs at my peak (I’m 6’ 4”).
Consistently lifting weights (4 days a week, on average) and eating well (80% of the time, don’t touch my ice cream) has been the only “secret”.
I have found, personally, that understanding myself has been equally if not MORE a part of this journey.
CONTEXT: Social anxiety and depression has been a major part of my story: a lot of feelings of “not good enough/useful” stemming from a poor relationship with my parents growing up (not blaming, just aware).
I was a chubby, Michigan-born, homeschooler. Raised in a religious family (Baptist) that kind of disowned me when I started having sex with my high school girlfriend (I went to public high school).
Feeling overwhelmed and swallowed up by the sheer number of people in college, I ran away to the military at 20 (after losing about 40 lbs through jogging mostly, very “skinny-fat” body), and felt like quite a black sheep in that community as well.
Sensitive and gentle aren’t exactly military-issued qualities lol.
After a mental health related discharge, I chased after a girlfriend who was still in college and picked up a job waiting tables and eventually bartending.
Being “the man” behind the bar meant lots of new friends and a lot of phone numbers (it’s cool to know the bartender, kinda thing, that’s not meant as a flex).
Drinking to fit in with these new friends introduced me to this community where no one held others accountable, it was just frolicking and getting drunk together. Lots of games of pool and darts.
I began feeling like I finally was “cool” and had somewhere to fit in.
I met my wife (still together 5 years strong), got married, and changed jobs back to one more aligned with my military training (nuclear engineering), that was 2019.
Well, a few months later lockdowns were enforced, my gym closed up (they went out of business as it was a pretty small family-ran place), and as an introverted gamer I thought life was just grand, at first.
However, the frequent drinking (4-pack of IPAs, 3-4 days a week), lack of exercise, and bored eating all caught up.
I developed gout, became the drunk asshole of every woman’s nightmare, and hit quite a low point.
It was the foot pain that really did me in. I felt so pathetic and terrible: going from a pretty good looking bartender who dabbled in personal training, to being unable to walk up two flights of stairs without being winded and miserable.
A lot of my ego had gone into being “the cool bartender”, the physical pain from my feet forced a “sobering” (pun intended) realization of how far away that “cool” persona had fallen.
After a particularly nasty gout flair up in Jan 2022 I began moderating and seriously trying to lose weight (had rejoined a gym already, but if you look at my chart it hadn’t really changed my behavior much).
Took a match to it all that June, after realizing moderating wasn’t going to get me very far.
I found a project to replace my time with (began studying web design for fun/freelancing, then pivoted to re-certifying as a trainer), read a book called “Miracle Morning”, and started journaling/meditating every morning that I could (I work rotating shift work, so my schedule is consistently tumultuous).
Through that inner work (“mindset” I guess in marketing speech, but that feels not as profound as the experience was for me), I have been able to find such tremendous inner peace and quiet down the voices of insecurity and fear.
I am absolutely still a work in progress, but I am accepting of myself and imperfectly working toward the best potential version of my Self.
That’s actually the big selfish reason why I wanted to post this, fear exposure: I’m a little sweaty while writing this from the fear of sharing lol.
And of course some validation for my hard work, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that some upvotes and “Nice” comments don’t feel good.
My future health goal: At my leanest in the military I still was in the high teen body fat percentages. This is the leanest I have ever been, and the pain I have reclaimed fuel my desire to keep going.
Dieting until I have washboard abs, then I might do some bulk-cut cycles. I amm toying with the idea of some competitive bodybuilding as the next iteration of “holy shit a lot of people are looking at me”.
If you made it to the end, it means the world to me. Thank you.
If there’s anything that I can answer or provide insights to, I’d be genuinely thrilled to help, to clarify, or to share more.

(burly man) TheJoeGrizz - https://youtu.be/KO368WQ9wxk?si=kL4-ppoWVX8jExU3
(2 small kids) Hase - https://youtu.be/9EIG-TfCwuw?si=VDceIVgzVW7jofrr
both videos posted 8 days ago,
(I survived 74 days on a Mr Beast Challenge ) TheJoeGrizz - vlog style and genuine update
(I spent ALL of MrBeasts money) Hase - more editing/ YouTube “production”-esque video
The first man, ‘Grizz’ updates about his experience on the video and his plan of opening his own brewery, also subtly advertising his upcoming and coming brewery. He uses a technique often found in YouTubers who put Jimmy in the video thumbnail as a form of “clickbait”, however his usage is not egregious as he actually was in a MrBeast video.
The second man (newborn/toddlewife) “Hase” Dumb clickbait thumbnail “I spent ALL of MrBeasts money” he made a video that is less of a genuine vlog but more of a production telling the story of what he is doing with the money. I was a bit suspicious of how many cliches/tropes he jammed into one video and listed them as follows (may be missing some)

1. Paying his/wife’s debt
2. $500 each distributed to preschooler teachers
3. Giving nieces and nephews 1k when they turn 18
4. Giving his parents money for a roof.
5. Making a task rabbit’s day by giving money and taking him on a yacht.
6. Cancer hat partnership.

I have feelings/interpretation about all these, he should know the Mr Beast audience has a lot of kids and $1000 to be given in 5-15 years does not play to youth excitement. He should of said pick out an Amazon cart up to 1000 and delivered it to the nieces/nephews — that would be way more exciting to the viewers and could potentially of been an even popular follow up video. 1000 today will have less purchasing power than in the future due to inflation.
Obviously I don’t know his parents financial situation but curious if to them really being unable to finance a new roof was genuine.
Overall, it’s a mix between them attempting to extrapolate their Mr Beast 5 seconds of fame to try and jump-start a YouTube career. Interested to see how he is doing in a yeatwo. curious if either planning this w/ the “hat” cancer donation or just played his cards that way. Wonder if Jimmys team knew his connection to the org — Jimmy has his own charity but obviously wouldn’t be against this partnership, if he intended on the hat name tie-in from the beginning w/out telling jimmys production team that’s a bit iffy though.
What’s your take on the two videos and my analysis? 🧐

Here are some great guides by the community:
Player Price List by u/redcountrybear (Awakened Uozumi update - 23/10/2023)
Beginners Guide by lifeskychan1314
Beginners Tips by the community
Beginners Guide for F2P by u/zearthdota
Beginners Video Guide by u/ValioaJustice (2 hours with timestamps)
Player Attributes Spreadsheet (Legendary Mitsui update - 23/11/2023)
Stats description by u/ikatatlo
Rebounding Mechanics by u/redcountrybear
Training Plan Primer by u/redcountrybear
How to Use Shuffle cards and Enhance Skins
Awakening Skill (partial) List by u/redcountrybear
Team Composition Guide by u/redcountrybear
PLAYER GUIDES:
Legendary Akagi Talent Upgrade Guide by u/redcountrybear
Ultra Fukuda Talent Upgrade Guide by u/redcountrybear
Awakened Rukawa Guide by u/JToPocHi
Koichiro Nango Guide by u/KirinHaven and u/redcountrybear
Tatsumasa Oda Guide by MY_Caine & u/redcountrybear
Toru Hanagata (ultra) Guide by Atrocity & u/redcountrybear
Nobunaga Kiyota (ultra) Guide by QY & u/redcountrybear
Sendoh Guide by u/zearthdota
Mitsui Guide by u/zearthdota
Old Rukawa Guide by u/theun11verse
Jump-Block Miyagi Guide by u/cHHBBB
Nobunaga Kyota Guide by u/cHHBBB
~~
Join SDR Discord
Ah Bui Gaming Youtube, Like & Subscribe Join Ah Bui Gaming Discord SDR Gaming Youtube, Like & Subscribe Player IDs (friend requests)
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Follow SDR Twitch: kirinsdr - inactive SDR Facebook, Like & Share - inactive Instagram: @ah_bui_gaming - inactive Ah Bui Gaming Tier List - old Players Resource List by @VankoGG (Ultra Fujima update - 02/06/2022 - CN server) - old Flair Requests - coming soon Abilities and Traits for players by u/theun11verse - sad it's gone

I know it’s normal to sometimes wake up in a dream and then actually wake up in real life, but has anyone else experienced waking up 4 or more times before you finally hit reality?
Yesterday I took a nap, I woke up for a few seconds and apparently mumbled and rolled over. I thought I had woken up, I definitely opened my eyes enough to see my surroundings before being plunged back into a dream almost instantly. I “woke up” the first time and everything felt real expect the video game my boyfriend had been playing for hours was different and made me uncomfortable. Essentially 4 minutes later I am able to figure out I’m not actually awake and “wake up” a second time. Every time I “woke up” the dream became more tame and realistic, but there was still a sort of catch so to say, that tipped me off on that I was yet again not awake. This happened 4 times before the 5th time I was actually able to wake up. It lasted about 20 minutes and I was filled with dread by the time I was actually awake. In one of the mini dreams, I had actually dreamt I had sleep paralysis which I’ve had in real life for about 5-6 years starting about when I was 17.
Today I woke up from my first dream after 2 hours of sleep, and inside said dream I woke up twice. In the past, I’ve had violent dreams of killing people which logically I know are just largely symbolic and nothing to be ashamed of, but it’s difficult to shake the guilt and fear when I wake up. Those two hours I had to defend myself from a demon like man who was aggressive after I rejected his advances, literally in my own boyfriends room. He was very disrespectful and when he became pushy I fought back and his eyes went black so I “crushed” him. I heard every sound of pain and broken bones. I was so scared to go back to sleep. But I couldn’t stay awake and eventually put on a YouTube video to keep my ears busy. My headphones died and so I was back in the same world, where I spent another two hours dreaming, waking up several times in the dream, every time after being attacked by this entity, a human but one that could contort into a disgusting human pretzel, only after I violently defend myself.
I’ve woken up in dreams before but never this frequently and I have been known to fall back alseep and pick up exactly where a dream left off. I becoming very worried for my sleep as my dreams are becoming very unsettling again, and leaves me feeling off when I start the day. It was easy to shake off when I started to have better control of my mental health, but now my feelings of fear, shame, and anxiety are steadily rising.
Sorry for how long this is, I’m just feeling uneasy and I’d like some perspective from people who are interested in this sort of thing and could maybe help me feel like I don’t have to be terrified of my own sleeping mind.
TLDR: I falsely woke up 4 times in 20 minutes after a nap, which left me feeling very uneasy. The following night I was able to get 4 hours of sleep, 2 hours at a time, having very violent and scary dreams inside of said dreams.

I'm sorry if this is maybe not the right place to be asking for something like this but I thought I'd try!
I have posted this in another group too.
I'm 36 a little over 290 pounds and probably been stoned every day for the last probably 5 years, I want to give myself a life back.
I have joined a new gym (Something I haven't been to since the start of Covid lockdowns) and fuck am I nervous as they have been posting tagged poctures and videos and I've never felt so put of place seeinghow ripped most peopleare there! It has just opened so I can start going from this week and I also plan to quit smoking weed cold turkey tomorrow, I hate how I feel when I don't smoke but I'm hoping the focus on training again will help me stay off.
Here's the bit I'm here to ask and something I'm a bit embarrassed to ask too.
Isolating myself away so long and always being so high I didn't really go out so the friends I had aren't really around any more as I moved and general life problems got in the way, I'm hoping to find some kind of support buddy who wouldn't mind trying to give me a push to make sure I stay off my arse and keep training so I can finally look at myself and not just see a man made of 80% jelly or even someone who just fancys a chat now and again or maybe you are trying to achieve something similar and we can support each other!
Thanks for your time and reading through all my rambling!

This discussion will examine the possible personality disorders and mental health issues that may be present in the public persona of Ariana Grande. I will explore the symptoms, causes, and effects of these conditions, as well as any evidence that may indicate their presence in Grande's life and behavior.
(But the way , just because I assume that she has them, it does not excuse her actions towards other people)
The discussion will focus on five potential diagnoses:
•Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD),
•Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD),
•Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD),
•Substance abuse disorder (SAD)
•Orthorexia nervosa.
-------------------------------------------♡-----------------------------------------------------
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD):
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, and chronic patterns of grandiosity, manipulation, and self-centered behavior. In many ways, this diagnosis has often been discussed in connection with Grande's persona.
Grande has often been criticized for her perceived vanity, attention-seeking behavior, and lack of empathy for others. Some argue that her numerous cosmetic procedures, constant self-promotion, and public feuds with other celebrities are symptoms of NPD. (Including the way how she treats people who don't lick her ass at all and are being honest with her)
One example of Grande stealing someone's man would be her involvement with the Broadway actor Ethan Slater, who is currently married and has a baby son. Grande became involved with Slater after they met on the set of the Wicked movie back in the December of 2022 when lilly around the time gave birth to her baby son. Slater reportedly left his wife eventually in June (with the confirmation of dalton's sister that she left dalton the day when she went out with Ethan and her male friend) and child to pursue a relationship with Grande, raising controversy and shock amongst their fans.
This situation became a major topic of public discussion, with many criticizing Grande for her role in sabotaging Slater's marriage and family. Some also accused her of being manipulative and insincere in the way she handled the situation.
[Apparently 2 of her friends (Cynthia and Victoria) are known homewreckers and due to that, she never hold herself accountable for it.]
To further elaborate on this example, Grande's involvement with Slater has been criticized for several reasons. Firstly, she actively pursued a relationship with a married man, which can be seen as a clear violation of moral and ethical boundaries. She never denied the rumours , nor did she confirm them, which it speculated that she doesn't care about the public's opinions, at all.
Overall, this incident has been seen as a prime example of Grande's alleged NPD, as it demonstrates her willingness to prioritize her own desires over the well-being of others.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD):
Next on the list is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Individuals with BPD often struggle with intense, unstable emotions and relationships. They may have difficulty controlling their impulses, experience a fear of abandonment, and engage in harmful behaviors such as substance abuse and self-harm.
Grande has been linked to BPD due to her emotional instability, impulsivity, and self-destructive behaviors. For example, she has a history of entering and ending relationships rapidly, has been seen engaging in risky behaviors such as substance abuse, and has publicly spoken about struggles with depression and anxiety.
Some fans and critics have pointed out that Grande's numerous tattoos, many of which are tributes to her ex-boyfriends or former relationships, may be a reflection of her impulsivity and unstable emotions. They argue that these tattoos represent a temporary obsession or infatuation, rather than a genuine expression of affection.
Grande's rapid shifts in relationships have led to speculation that she may struggle with BPD. She has dated high-profile celebrities such as Big Sean, Mac Miller, and Pete Davidson, and has often been criticized for moving on quickly from one relationship to another. Some speculate that these rapid changes may be a result of her difficulty with emotional regulation and a fear of abandonment.
In addition to her relationship history, some of Grande's lyrics also seem to hint at potential BPD symptoms. For example, her song "thank u, next" contains lyrics about her past relationships and the lessons she has learned from them. The song's title and repeated mantra of "thank u, next" seem to reflect her difficulty with emotional regulation and impulsivity.
Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD):
Next on our list is Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD), a mental health condition characterized by excessive emotionality, attention-seeking behavior, and a need for approval from others. Individuals with HPD often use exaggerated emotional expressions and seductive behavior to gain attention and validation.
Grande has been linked to HPD due to her tendency towards dramatic emotionality and attention-seeking behavior. Her public image, marked by extravagant outfits and bold fashion choices, has often been interpreted as a means of gaining attention and validation for herself. Grande is also known for her use of social media to connect with fans and create a public persona that is highly sexualized and seductive.
Her involvement in high-profile relationships and public feuds with other celebrities, as well as her tendency to be the center of attention, can also be seen as symptoms of HPD. Some critics have also pointed out that Grande's multiple cosmetic procedures may be an attempt to maintain her youthful appearance and appeal.
Grande's public persona has often been characterized as narcissistic and attention-seeking, and she has often been accused of being manipulative and self-centered. Some critics have suggested that her behavior may stem from a need for adoration and validation, which are hallmark traits of HPD.
Substance abuse disorder (SAD) :
We move on now to Substance Abuse Disorder (SAD), a condition characterized by the repeated use of substances despite negative consequences. Individuals with SAD may experience a variety of physical and psychological symptoms, including cravings, tolerance, and withdrawal. Substance abuse can include alcohol, drugs, prescription medications, and other mind-altering substances.
Grande has been open about her struggles with substance abuse in the past, particularly with alcohol and drugs. She has spoken about using these substances as a way to cope with stress, anxiety, and emotional difficulties. Grande's former boyfriend, Mac Miller, died of an accidental overdose in 2018, which had a visible effect on her mental health. Grande has publicly expressed her grief and guilt over Miller's death and has hinted at struggles with addiction and recovery.
[Multiple blind items had been written about , that ariana has a long history of doing drugs , hiding it from the public]
Orthorexia nervosa:
Finally on our list is Orthorexia nervosa, an eating disorder characterized by an obsession with healthy eating and a fear of impure or unhealthy food. Individuals with orthorexia nervosa may have a restrictive diet and a preoccupation with eating only certain types of food, often restricting entire food groups. They may believe that their diet is a key component of their identity and may feel a sense of moral superiority over those who do not follow their eating habits.
Grande has long been scrutinized for her thin frame and weight, with many criticizing her for promoting unhealthy body standards through her weight loss. For example, Grande has repeatedly stated that she maintains a vegan diet for ethical reasons and has been criticized for promoting healthy eating on her social media accounts to her young fans.
Grande's recent music videos "yes, and?", "Boy is mine" and multiple instagram photos and TV appearances has fueled speculation about her eating habits and health. Some critics have pointed out that Grande appears excessively thin in the video and that her appearance may be the result of a restrictive diet and/or excessive exercise. Grande has been criticized for body-checking, a behavior common among individuals with orthorexia, in the music video.
Grande's eating habits and weight have also been discussed in connection with her fashion choices and public persona. Grande is often seen wearing revealing and form-fitting clothes, and some critics have suggested that her fashion choices may be influenced by her preoccupation with body image and control over her diet. Grande has been criticized for promoting unrealistic body standards and potentially triggering disordered eating behaviors in her young fans.
~This was my opinion about ariana.~

I'm sorry if this is maybe not the right place to be asking for something like this but I thought I'd try!
I'm 36 a little over 290 pounds and probably been stoned every day for the last probably 5 years, I want to give myself a life back.
I have joined a new gym (Something I haven't been to since the start of Covid lockdowns) and fuck am I nervous as they have been posting tagged poctures and videos and I've never felt so put of place seeinghow ripped most peopleare there! It has just opened so I can start going from this week and I also plan to quit smoking weed cold turkey tomorrow, I hate how I feel when I don't smoke but I'm hoping the focus on training again will help me stay off.
Here's the bit I'm here to ask and something I'm a bit embarrassed to ask too.
Isolating myself away so long and always being so high I didn't really go out so the friends I had aren't really around any more as I moved and general life problems got in the way, I'm hoping to find some kind of support buddy who wouldn't mind trying to give me a push to make sure I stay off my arse and keep training so I can finally look at myself and not just see a man made of 80% jelly or even someone who just fancys a chat now and again or maybe you are trying to achieve something similar and we can support each other!
Thanks for your time and reading through all my rambling!

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
Hello everyone, i pray that you all doing well
I know this is a very sensitive subject
But thought it was a rant i needed to get of my chest concerning the current climate (from the time me writing this)
We as human beings need structure and standards
And it's safe to assume that any religion culture has rules and customs that endorse it
And in Islam specially, anything that matters to the human being but it was addressed
Personal or general
Even how to relieve yourself
So when Islam allows or forbades something, it is for the human being's good
And i say all this because whenever we as muslims mention something, the stereotypical perception is that it's out of "hate" or "phobia"
Why is homosexuality is a great sin in islam?
From personal level
You do what you want in your environment and private life
You're not muslim like us, you have your own standards and values
we are not your perants or legal guardians
Not everyone gonna be carbon copy of each other
Things happen, mentally and physically
And we have different environments that dictates our perception of whats good and bad
That i completely understand
However...
From a community level
It's common knowledge that man +women = baby
And i have seen in a YOUTUBE video that the current percentage is 30% homosexuals give or take
Secondly, we as human beings
We need our mothers and fathers for our development
There's a reason why we say "fatherless behavior" or "mommy issues"
Any inefficiencies or absence affects our development
Yet alone this new wave "experimental" parenting
Like "two moms or two dads", etc
I really pray that i have delivered the point that i wanted to make
We live in uncertain times
We need a healthy mental state to go through them
That's starts from the home

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YW9cIvgFcTI
i don’t know who his parents are, but his name is christopher wansel. lol, someone on the mj subreddit says they are him and even made a post saying they’d answer any questions.
i found it when i searched "christopher wansel" on google, if you want to see it for yourself. in fact, it was the first result.
if this is truly the little boy in the video, it’s weird how he says michael’s hands are like silk. i don’t know how old he was when he knew michael or if there was a period when they were close, but that’s a weird thing to point out when he pointed out the other brothers’ personalities. for mj, he made the hands comment & made a comment referring to his fake speaking voice.
someone asked: "What stood out to you most about Michael?"
he answered: "His voice and the touch of his hands. His “I’m not in front of the public” speaking voice was waaaay lower than you realize. His hands were like silk when you touched them, but that handshake was tough. I real mans handshake, if I remember correctly"
he’s in the comments trying to uphold that “mj was def straight he had secret girlfriends” narrative. kind of reminds me of tito’s “leave your girlfriend with him and see what happens” like i wouldn’t want to scare my girlfriend wdym leave her with him.
what he wrote about some of the other jacksons: "And yes, my favorite growing up was Randy because he was the youngest and I guess as a kid, we tend to gravitate to other kids. Although he’s quite older, he was my buddy. Marlon is FOREVER a jokester. Tito was like an uncle (so much that my father used him on all their studio tracks, something not allowed at Motown). Jackie was older and it showed."
like ew, how does he remember his touch so vividly?
that whole “he was a dominant alpha male” shit is unbelievable especially when they go out of their way to say so. like if mj wanted us to believe that, he would’ve had that persona. obv he didn’t. he wanted us to think he was a giggly kid trapped inside of a grown man’s body so that he could parade around little boys.
i still don’t know how him being an alpha male player with a strong handshake justifies his relationships with little boys but okay!
in my opinion, this video is a little odd. at first i was going to say it was nothing wrong with him holding the little boy and i saw nothing wrong with it, but throughout the video mj kept going back to him. picking his hair, holding him when he was already sitting down .. i don’t want to say he was being weird but he wouldn’t let the boy breathe lol..

I woke up at 2 a.m., feeling ravenous. The hunger I was feeling was powerful, I couldn’t sleep I just had to get something to eat.
I went downstairs to my disgusting kitchen and opened the fridge.
“Damn,” I thought
The only thing I had in my fridge was a bottle of expired milk. At that time I didn’t know it was expired, so I drank it.
The dreadful feeling of extreme hunger tortured me, I just had to get some food.
I unlocked my phone and ordered a cab. The driver swiftly arrived at my house which did not surprise me, since it was the middle of the night. I walked up to the car and saw a man. Almost everything about this individual was boring and average, but the one thing that stood out was his eyes. They looked dead and were red, he looked like he had just smoked weed.
At first, I was reluctant about getting in, but I ignored that feeling and got inside the car.
“Take me anywhere they food,” I said to the creepy man
“Well, what are you looking for?” he answered.
“Anything,” I said
“What about getting something exotic” the man uttered in a terrifying voice
That sentence horrified me. It was the way he said it that erected that grim feeling in me. After a second I realized that it was probably nothing and that I was making stuff up.
“Yeah, sure” I answered unenthusiastically.
“Great!” The man yelled
That blaring yell almost made me faint, it was all because I got drunk last night playing a drinking game with my friends. The man accelerated and reached a great speed in seconds, I was terrified.
We got about 5 miles from my house before I started getting even more creeped out. Why did we have to drive so far to get to this restaurant? I kept asking the guy about the ETA of this ride, but he kept saying the same thing
“We’ll be there soon” the creep kept on saying
I was beginning to spiral. It only took me a few minutes to start thinking that he was going to kill me. That’s when I got a phone call. It was a private number, I usually don’t answer calls from these types of numbers, but I had to do something to get this situation off my mind.
I answered the call.
“Where the fuck are you! I’ve been waiting for you for 30 minutes. You better believe I'm going to be charging you for this!“ The unknown man screamed
“What are you talking about, I got into a car, like 40 minutes ago” I replied
“I don’t know what the hell you’re on about, but I'm out of here!” he yelled
He hung up.
“Can we please pull over??” I asked the driver
“No” he answered formidably
“What’s going on here? I just got a call from an unknown number insisting that he was my driver” I replied
“Well, he probably was,” said the impostor
That sentence sent shivers down my spine. I completely forgot about my esurient state; the only thing on my mind was getting out of this vehicle.
The only possible resolution at that moment was to attack the man and take control of the car.
I punched him in the head, he didn’t take it well. He lost control of the car and we hit a tree. Thankfully I was fully conscious and I wasn’t injured. I looked at where the driver was sitting and thought he passed out. I was ecstatic and I thought that I was finally free, but that’s when he suddenly woke up and stabbed me in the neck with a syringe.
I passed out almost immediately.

After I woke up I started puking profusely, it was probably caused by either the expired milk I drank earlier or the mixture of chemicals in the syringe. I started panicking, thinking I was going to die, but then the lights came on.
“I know you wanted to try something exotic, so I made you something I knew you would love,” said a familiar voice.
Suddenly the lights turned on, I looked down and screamed with horror.
“My legs! They’re fucking gone!”
The sadistic monster laughed with glee.
“Exactly, they're gone and that’s what you’re going to eat tonight”
“You disgusting creep, how dare you!”
He didn’t respond. He just left.
I sat there, stuck for hours, crying thinking about stuff I could never do again because of this psychopath.
After hours of mental torture, he came back
‘I am going to love this” said the sadist
He walked over to me and put a blindfold around my eyes. He then unblocked the wheels on the wheelchair I was sitting on and rolled me over to a different room.
The man took off the blindfold and what I saw deeply disgusted me. I saw a table full of different dishes that mainly consisted of meat from my legs. I was surprised that I didn’t hurl.
I was frightened, but that was only the beginning.
I started yelling, telling the guy I wasn’t going to eat my legs, but in that moment he whipped out a pistol and told me that if I didn’t eat it he was going to kill me and my entire family.
I reluctantly started eating one of the dishes and ate until I finally saw the look of satisfaction on his face. I told him I was done eating, he seemed pleased with what he had accomplished.
After he put all the dishes back in a different room he walked up to me, put a knife on the table, put a gun in his mouth, and killed himself. The sound of the gun and the sight of a man's brain being splattered all over the wall scarred me for life.
I then remembered that he had left a knife on the table. I pulled myself to the edge of the surface, turned myself around, and grabbed the knife. I was lucky that he had only tied my chest to the chair, but thinking about it now I am pretty sure he did it on purpose.
After I escaped from the chair I crawled over to the exit. After I got out the door I saw that this place was in the middle of a city, the second I came out there was a swarm of people surrounding me.
The one thing that I wasn’t expecting was that I deeply enjoyed eating human flesh. It was more like love. I was obsessed instantly. I never considered myself a bad person and I still don’t think I am, I just have needs that most people don’t and I think that is fine. Sure, most people would think I am a monster, but all of them have never tried the beauty that is human flesh. I want to end this by thanking my unexpected driver, for introducing me to this wonderful world of cannibalism.

When i beat the 7th gym i went to viridian but the gym was closed then i looked up a video on how to get in mt.ember and they said a old man's seagallop pass was stolen and when i checked in the same area it was a different person how do i make the old man spawn

Dominican Republic was an interesting experience, while I loved practicing my Spanish, I won't be back. Nothing bad happened, just nothing was exceptional about the place, one visit was enough, I have high hopes for it being a better travel destination in future. The downside was really just the food and service, which was quite abysmal.
I've broken it up into separate posts for each area I was in, (4 spots in 3 weeks), but the main takeaways are:

• DO NOT DRIVE - DR has the highest vehicular fatalities in the world, get private transport between the towns you visit.
• While the main tourist areas are safe to visit and wander around day and night, do not venture out to other areas, our local drivers told us it is very dangerous elsewhere.
• Food is quite awful to average, we could count on one hand how many good meals we had. Although, my partner and I don't eat meat (but do eat seafood), you'll have a somewhat slightly improved experience if you eat meat and have more options.
• Average restaurants will cost between $25-35 CAD per person for an average meal that isn't special or cooked well. Very local places are cheap though ($15-20 CAD), but there aren't many of those in the areas with good wifi for remote working.
• Outside of the resorts, you will need a good basic understanding of Spanish, not just basic tourist phrases, my partner and I had a Spanish teacher for 3 months once a week and we still struggled a little.
• Wifi varies in the DR, we were lucky enough to find places that advertised over 50mbps download speed to work, but in reality it fluctuated daily dropping below 40mbps sometimes and upload speed was even worse for video calls. Their routers also only worked well in the room they were in, and not well in the bedroom/office. We got by but it was a little inconvenient.

April 22-26: Uvero Alto - Ocean El Faro & El Beso https://www.oceanhotels.net/en/punta-cana-hotels/ocean-el-faro
I was lucky enough to stay here for a coworking summit with my company. We got a great corporate deal and splurged on a “Swim-Up Junior Suite” which was still only US$150 per person all inclusive. While a stunning resort, I am very glad we didn’t pay anymore than we did, as the quality and value was lacking. I was there with my partner for 6 nights, 7 days and that was too long. I’d say 3-4 days is plenty to experience it all. However, I am not a resort person and this was my first resort experience, I would be happy to not experience another resort, unless it was heavily subsidized and a stunning location. Quick review of all the amenities:

• El Mercado - as people have mentioned in many reviews, one of the better restaurants to eat at.
• Italian restaurant - didn’t get to try, again, as mentioned, almost impossible to get a reservation if you’re not privilege. From what I heard the portions were very small but food was decent.
• Margarita - awful - AVOID, tequila tastes like watered down nail polish, people also saw mouse inside
• Sakura - terrible portrayal of Teppenyaki
• Route 66 - great for late night snacks
• Steak House - actually had great salmon here, probably the best restaurant I ate at, even though I don’t eat meat. Others said the steak was ok.
• Blue Moon - awfully slow service, but salmon isn’t bad here either
• Pez Dama - BEAUTIFUL spot for breakfast on a sunny day, only for El Beso and privilege guests. However, the variety is lacking and food was better at the buffet
• Villa Marina - closed while I was there
• Privilege Restaurant - didn’t get to try
• Snack Bar - not great, or veg friendly
• Snack Bar El Beso - crepes offered here were surprisingly decent
• Pool Bars - so fun, just don’t get any cocktails unless you like a cup of sugar with it. The pool bar by the lazy river is the most rowdy, surprisingly.
• Lobby Bar - great meet up spot for groups, especially as the lobby is beautiful
• Piano Bar - quite nice inside, cocktails are sickly sweet though
• Sports Bar - pool was fun, would be better if they had two
• Bowling Bar - incredibly hot and I almost got heat stroke, bowling was fun though
• Bar Disco - didn’t get to try
• Bar Privilege - didn’t get to try
• Beach Club El Faro - as mentioned by others in reviews, the pool bars are more fun
• Beach Club El Beso - it was nice to have a fun and quiet section
• Mike’s Coffee - as mentioned by others in reviews, the busiest place in the resort!
• Ice-cream shop - limited options but still nice to stop by after dinner - but don’t get the strawberry!

April 26-May 3: Santo Domingo - Airbnb: https://www.airbnb.ca/rooms/1005877835635365302?source_impression_id=p3_1716938967_qCcY6F7gw1ARPg4Q Private transport from hotel to Airbnb: https://www.bookaway.com/ It was a little disorientating leaving the resort which seemed like some fairyland to Santo Domingo which was REAL Dominican Republic. We booked a private shuttle which was nice, they came 20 mins late but we weren’t in a rush and our local driver was very kind, social and gave us some tips about the capital city and country. He also advised to not leave the capital city as the surrounding neighbourhoods had a lot of crime and you would likely get stabbed and robbed :/ We arrived at our Airbnb in about 3.5 hours (with a brief pitstop). Our airbnb was bare bones, while nice, we wouldn’t recommend it for remote workers as it was hard to cook food there, however, if you’re out exploring all day, this place would suffice. The pool was nice but the gym was unusable as the air conditioner was broken so you had to work out in 35 degrees celsius plus. It was nice to be close to the grocery store though nearby and restaurants within walking distance. While the streets seemed a bit sketchy, it was very safe. We did take Ubers as well which were so cheap, DRP300-500 for 5-10 min rides. We preferred our area over Zona Colonial as there was more to do, but it would’ve been nice to split our time between the two areas. All in all, we’re glad we got to see the real Dominican Republic but were happy to be back close to the beach afterwards. Reviews of excursions and restaurants below. Dominican Culture Around the Fogón: https://www.airbnb.com/slink/V5iWBddV Incredible experience, loved making coffee and chocolate from scratch, learning the ways of the Taínos and the yucca pizza was surprisingly super tasty! Underground swimming hole was also really cool and Jasmine was such a fun host! Even though we half spoke each other’s languages, I had so much fun talking with her and highly recommend this tour! Hiking Tabernacle thundering Waterfall: https://www.airbnb.com/slink/mqMnhLjY Ronnie is the man!! One of the most professional and patient hosts I’ve ever met. He easily navigated the varying levels of skill our group had, made it easy for us to all connect and get to know one another. The chat during the 2 hour ride was seamless and Ronnie even stopped to let us try Arepa! Breakfast family style beforehand was also super tasty with eggs, fried cheese, mashed potato and mangu. The tour itself was so much fun and definitely action packed! I recommend this tour for those who are medium to highly fit, it’s more of a struggle for those who aren’t active. I’m scared of heights and had a couple of sketchy moments but it was so rewarding to finish the hike at the end. Water is also quite cold! It’s manageable but there were many moments where I was trying to find sun spots to warm up. Lunch at the end was also great and I appreciate Ronnie accommodating us last minute (we forgot to mention we didn’t eat meat) and he organised some eggplant to go with the rice, salad, tostones and beans. On the way back, Ronnie also got us some Dominican treats to try, Yanniqueque, Dulce de maní and a coconut - all part of the tour! The best part though was he stoped at a mango stand where we bought 8 mangoes for $2.35CAD! The best mangoes I’ve ever eaten. Thank you Ronnie for an unforgettable experience! Restaurants we went to in order:

• El Ramero Solitario - Ramen Bar - decent veggie ramen that was great for our hangover that we had
• Ajuala - (EN friendly) One of the BEST meals I’ve ever had! I don’t know if it was because we had a week of terrible food but I thought I was in heaven eating here. Love how they had turned Dominican cuisine into fine dining. They also had a mother cat and her kitten living on site and you could see them when you went to the bathroom which was cute.
• Chingu Kitchen - ok Korean food, with ok pricing. Ordered veggie Japchae and Bibimbap.
• Food Truck Village - it was intense coming to the food truck places, as we didn’t realize how they ran. When you sit down, all the vendors will bring you a menu which felt overwhelming. We got a margarita pizza (DRP400) from the pizza place and salpicon (DRP500) from the ceviche place, as they were recommended by the bar owner we befriended. We ended up drinking all night with the bar owner who gave us a few free drinks, it was really nice of him and one of our funner nights. Highly recommend checking out the bar especially here for good drinks and banter!
• Likha Food Park - we ate at Taínos sea food Naco which was not the best, our fish was undercooked and heavily salted. My 1lb of tilapia and tostones was DRP750 and my partners 1.5lb of snapper with tostones was DRP1350.
• Villar Hermanos - recommended by one of our guides, was quite tasty and decent pricing since you get large portions. I enjoyed the camarofongo which was doused in garlic butter - super heavy dish though and very dense. Also ordered filette de mero criolla style with rice and extra sautéed vegetables on the side - which was way too much for two people.
• Jalao - (EN friendly) Don’t come any earlier than 9pm! We got there at 8pm and the music didn’t start until around 9:30pm. The band was good but the music was a but monotonous. The food was ok but we did see cockroaches in the restaurant which was off putting. The fun really starts after the band ends though and everyone is up dancing. My favourite part of this experience was an older man who was hired to dance and get other people to dance who he was absolutely hilarious.

May 3-5: Bayahíbe - Booking.com Villa Iguana
Bayahíbe was SUCH a cute town, I wished we could’ve stayed here for a couple more days to enjoy the water which was so beautiful and clear. The infrastructure is limited for remote workers though, average 20mbps download speeds, hence why we only came for the weekend. As it is a small town, 3-4 days would suffice, you can walk around the whole town centre in 45-60mins probably. But you could also head over down south towards where the hotels are to experience some other restaurants and beaches. Highly recommend visiting Cueva de Chicho while here, very cool experience swimming in a cenote cave with bats - bring a waterproof head lamp if you can! This is the only swimmable cave in the area and it cost DRP200 pp to enter and walk 20 mins to the cave from the entrance. I’m not sure if this was normal either but there was a large market on Friday night in the town centre with a DJ which had a fun local feel. We had an unfortunate event when we were leaving Bayahíbe to Bávaro via Uber - we recommend you DO NOT DO. Use Bookaway and pre-book a shuttle. We actually had a shuttle booked originally but they accidentally cancelled it for no reason when we were in Santo Domingo and because Ubers were cheaper and we got one from Santo Domingo to Bayahíbe no problem, we thought it’d be fine. We ended up spending an hour trying to get a driver to take us, but they all kept calling to ask for double the price that was on Uber, where it advertised DRP2500 and the drivers wanted us to pay DRP4000 cash. So we kept cancelling and being bumped between the limited drivers available. Eventually one driver refused to cancel so we couldn’t find another driver, essentially forcing us to use him. It was a very uncomfortable experience, we felt scammed as all the drivers kept saying the same price but shame on Uber if they truly do underpay their drivers there - which is the reason the drivers gave. However, we paid DRP5000 to go from Santo Domingo to Bayahíbe which is double the distance, so I don’t know what was fair or not, perhaps we cheated that driver. Reviews of excursions and restaurants below. Vip Cruise on SpeedBoat to paradise Mano Juan, Saona Island: https://www.airbnb.com/slink/QdC06cdN All in all this was still a good trip but it was a little unorganized and we didn’t see/do everything on the itinerary. We also didn’t leave the port until around 10:15/10:30am, there was only one bottle of water per person all day provided (luckily I brought my own water), we didn’t get a coconut either with lunch nor visit the shipwreck for snorkelling. I wish we spent more time during the morning activities, and less time at the old fishing village. It started off well but got boring towards the end. I don’t know if I’d recommend this tour at the current cost, there are similar tours for half the price, so feel a little cheated seeing as we didn’t get/do everything we were supposed to. Isidro was nice though, and seeing the baby sea turtles was definitely a highlight, water was also stunning.

• Playa BarcoBar - good lunch spot, food was ok but view was great and service was nice and quick. Drinks weren’t bad either!
• Restaurante Comedor Johana - little spot tucked away and ran by a sweet older lady. Service is quite slow but food was very authentic.
• La Bahia Beach - The atmosphere is the only thing going for this place. You’re better off getting empanadas from a local stand and heading to the beach for free, which is what I wish I did. The service was incredibly slow, and food awful.

May 5-11: Bàvaro - Airbnb: https://www.airbnb.ca/rooms/32934066source_impression_id=p3_1716939104_OS2Nv%2F5S2CgNAY1s I have mixed feelings about this place, it felt very touristy but had such great potential. The beach was unfortunately covered in sargassum and was not pleasant to swim, if you head north you might be able to find a spot to swim though. Thankfully we had a pool and since it was the shoulder season, basically had it all to ourselves. Restaurants were more expensive than I thought for the quality, I wish I ventured into the local area, Friusa, driving past it looked like it would have tasty cheap eats! We didn’t do much here since it was our last 6 days and we were only here during the week, but we did get an Uber to Playa Macao which didn’t have as much sargassum and was really nice to swim in. Barely any amenities there though so pack some food and drinks with you as the restaurants that are open are quite expensive for the quality. Reviews of restaurants below.

• Villa Blanca Beach Club - terrible service but surprisingly good fish burger and salads
• Bella Napoli Pizzeria & Restaurant - really good woodfired oven pizza - vegan options were great!
• La casita de Yeya Los Corales - food was good but very small portions so quite expensive for what it was
• Chic at Grand Palladium Bávaro - such a fun experience, the energy is incredible, the performances were 5/5 and food and drinks were great - highly recommend for a special event. If you’re not staying there it’s a bit of a pain to book though
• Dalia's Cafe & Bakery - terrible - don’t go
• Soles Beach Club - decent food and lovely staff but very slow service
• Restaurante Capitán Cook - low quality food, they served us grilled mussels that weren’t open and they lure you in with the decent prices for whole fish but you can’t order 1 or 2 lbs you have to order 6lbs.
• COFFEE & RUM - great spot for sugar cane juices and cheap coffee and snacks! Location on google maps is wrong though, it’s actually here in this plaza: https://maps.app.goo.gl/Xb5pLGmqNBgdCDHW8?g_st=ic

TLDR: Ocean El Faro/El Beso is a beautiful resort, but has terrible food. Hike Tabernacle with Ronnie and eat at Ajuala in Santo Domingo; Book private transport in and out of Bayahibe; Don’t make Bávaro a priority to visit, can be easily missed - it’ll be better later on
Hope this is helpful for some people, let me know if you have any qs!

This story is one that started a long time ago, but still affects my (32F) day-to-day life. Sorry everyone, it's a long one.
It began about 17 years ago, when I was 15 and still in school. I frequented internet forums including several fan sites of video games and books I enjoyed. One of these was a role playing forum where I and five others were writing stories together in our favourite universes. I got along well with the other members and it was a great way for me to learn English. Importantly, we only ever communicated through text, never through voice or video calls.
This is where I met the main character of this story, let's call him Tom. Tom said he was 19 years old, and was the only guy active on the forum. He had a great way with words, was mature beyond his years, and had a natural charisma about him. Naturally, as a 15-year-old with no prior experience with relationships, I was instantly drawn to this mysterious, well-spoken figure. Over the course of a month since meeting him, our conversations grew in frequency and depth, until eventually we spoke to each other on chat clients for 3-4 hours a day. At the same time, we continued writing our stories, including a plethora of romantic scenes between our respective characters. We also shared poems that we had written. It was an intense experience for me - I had never really had such a deep connection with a 'boy' before.
My parents never really taught me the importance of internet safety, and I can't blame them: it was all still very new at this time, also to them. It was Tom and my other friends on the forum that stressed how important it was to keep personal information private, especially when they learned my age. Tom especially was adamant never to share my location or photo with anyone, not even with him. It made me feel safe with him - for how could someone who so actively dissuaded me from sharing my information be a monster?
Of course I fell in love with him, to whatever extent a 15-year-old brain can comprehend love.
From written descriptions I had given of myself, Tom had expressed that he thought I must look beautiful, and so the fool that I was I gathered up the courage to send him a picture of myself anyway, desperate for his approval. He was complimentary, but did ask me why I had sent him a picture. I admitted my feelings for him. Tom was understanding, but stressed that he would never be able to give me what I needed from him.
Still, that did not stop either of us from progressing the nature of our interactions into something more sinister. I call it sinister looking back on it as an adult; at the time it was titillating and exciting. We started to send each other 'kisses' goodnight, sent back and forth explicit drawings depicting characters that looked like us, and described other intimate interactions over chat.
My mother once came into my room and witnessed Tom calling me by an endearing term. She interrogated me and I begged her not to make me break off contact with Tom. She listened to me, but made me promise her to be sensible. I want to scream at her now for not stopping it then.
My school friends did what my mother could not: they were concerned for my safety, and stepped to the headmistress, who called me into her office. After telling Tom about the encounter, he panicked. He told me we could no longer chat, and made me promise to tell the headmistress that it was over. I was heartbroken, but promised him.
I did ask Tom if we could still communicate through other means - we were doing some online art projects together that we both wanted to finish. He said yes, we could still maintain contact over e-mail and forum DM, but chat was off the table for now. I took what I could get.
The years that followed were chaotic. Sometimes our contact would be e-mail only, then we would move back to chat. At times, when things got too hard, I would decide to go no-contact for a while. I had my first real relationships in the lulls, but I would always come back. Tom would always receive me with open arms, either as a friend whenever I was dating someone, or rekindling our romantic interactions when I was not. He was always kind, patient, sensitive, and seemed selfless in his interactions with me. He made me feel so good about myself that I became obsessed with him, convinced he was the love of my life.
Three years in, Tom knew my real name, knew where I lived, and had seen nudes of me (he used one as his desktop background for years). At the same time, I knew nothing about Tom. What was worse, the few details he had unintentionally revealed weren't adding up.
Tom always portrayed our story as one of star-crossed lovers who due to circumstance outside our control could never be together. He told me I would never love him if I ever saw him in real life. First he claimed that his face had been ruined by flesh-eating bacteria. When my biology degree taught me that it's nearly impossible to survive that, he claimed body dysmorphic disorder (which I think to some extent was true).
Things reached boiling point six years into this mess. He slipped up, and revealed a detail about his life that directly contradicted the only concrete thing he had ever told me about himself: his age. I took a day to process, then confronted him, asking him how old he really was. After some initial resistance, he admitted that he had lied.
Mid-thirties, he said. A decade(!) older than he had at first claimed. I should have been furious, but after 6 years of being charmed and manipulated by him, I could only feel sorry for him. When I assured him that nothing between us had to change because of a 'number', he dropped the next bombshell:
Tom: "Alright then. Mid-forties."
I felt like I couldn't breathe. For years, I had been having sexually explicit conversations with someone old enough to be my father when I had believed him to be my age. What was worse, it had all started when I was underage. I gave Tom an ultimatum: either tell me the full truth about who he was; or lose me forever. I gave him two weeks to send me his information. He decided not to, which should have immediately set off the alarm bells that there was even more he was lying about; more he had to hide. I didn't even consider that in the moment; my heart was broken once again, and I cut off contact.
At the time, Tom and I had a number of mutual friends that we both spoke to regularly. Two of these were my cousin and his wife. I went to see them after I found out about Tom's real age, trying to find solace and understanding from someone who also knew him. I felt incredibly betrayed and angry, and asked that they also break contact - maybe that was a bit of an a-hole move. They said no: after all, Tom had never revealed his age to my cousin or his wife. As such, he had never lied to them, only to me, and they were not willing to end their friendship with Tom over that. When I asked what they thought of a 40-year-old having explicit conversations with a 15-year-old, they said that from a certain age, the teenager also has a responsibility in preventing this.
My cousin and his wife were not the only mutual friends that knew what was going on. Amazingly and invariably, NONE of our mutual friends chose to break contact with Tom over this. It caused immense doubt in me. Was I wrong in judging Tom for lying to me? Maybe the lie wasn't so terrible. And all those explicit conversations? Well, I instigated a large number of them, not Tom, so maybe I was equally, if not largely, to blame.
The way I see it now: Tom is like a cult leader: no matter what he does or says, his 'followers' will defend him; even blame themselves if it strips him of guilt. What is worse, anyone who dropped out of his inner circle would feel incredibly isolated and excluded. My friends would not play games with me because they preferred playing games with him. They would not write with me, because writing with him was so much more fun. I wish I'd had the strength to stay away, but one year later I came crawling back, desperate to be included into his circle once again, desperate for his affection that the others seemed to thrive under.
I was 22 at this time. Our contact was sporadic for the next four years - I was hesitant to engage romantically with him, even though part of me, despite everything he had put me through, still 'loved' him (trust me, writing this down, my naivety is making me want to claw my eyes out). I entered a relationship with someone else during this time, and went back to no-contact for most of its 4-year duration. When that relationship ended, Tom and I started talking more again, slowly slipping back into old habits and using the same terms of endearment we had used in the past. Tom revealed more details about himself now - he would talk about his boss, his sister, his friends, his home-town, and discussed things that were going on in his personal life. We also started talking over voice-chat, and damn it, he had an attractive voice.
I had just turned 27 when a response of his triggered me. We were recalling the early days of our interactions, and I mentioned how he had once accidentally sent me an e-mail from a throwaway account. I recalled the address letter by letter (I have a mild form of autism). He went very quiet, and then said that my memory was astounding.
Something in my lizard brain decided to look up the name in that e-mail address. I had done the same 12 years prior, but I had much more information now. It took me three hours to cross-reference the tidbits of information he had fed me over the months and years within the context of this name. And what do you know: it WAS his real name. I continued looking for the rest of the evening.. and I found much more than I bargained for.
You see, Tom was not the only person registered to his house. He was reported to live there with a woman who shared his last name, let's call her Hannah. I naively thought she might be the sister he mentioned (though he had given another name). Fortunately for me, Hannah was a lot less careful than Tom with her personal information, and I soon found a link to her blog on her Twitter page. A goldmine of information, going back over 10 years, covering almost every single day since Tom and I started talking.
My blood went cold as I started reading. It soon became clear to me that not only was Hannah his WIFE of 25-or-so years, they had an 11-year-old SON together (let's call him Jacob). I was 100% sure it was his wife writing - I could easily cross-reference the little things he had told me (assembling a bookcase, having lamb for dinner, visiting SIL for the weekend, getting a sunburn) with the details she was sharing about their life.
Once more, I should have run for the hills. Once more, I didn't. I often wonder how I could have been so stupid as to let this shitshow continue for so long, despite the thousand-and-one reasons Tom had given me to drop him. I can only attribute it to some kind of twisted sunk cost fallacy. By recognising Tom for the monster that he was, I had to face having loved that monster for over a decade. It meant admitting to myself that I was a terrible judge of character, and how could I possibly trust anyone ever again if I could not trust my own judgment? Also, all our mutual friends had always normalised his behaviour to the extent that it seemed almost arrogant to say that HE was in the wrong.
Because of the reactions that I had received from my friends and cousin last time, I kept what I knew to myself, even from Tom. Enter the next ridiculous phase of the story: Tom was saying how he was ordering a passport SO THAT HE COULD COME TO VISIT ME AND MY COUSIN. And idiot that I was, I wanted nothing more, because I was STILL IN LOVE WITH THE SH*T even after everything he had done, now not only to me, but also to his wife Hannah and his son.
I met him in real life five months later. He would be visiting my house for the day, and I was planning to confront him about what I knew. I had given one of my close friends his real name and address, and had told them to contact the police in the event they didn't hear from me by evening - I had no idea how Tom would react when exposed. Probably the fact that I felt unsafe in the first place should have been enough reason not to meet him alone.
We met, and I wish I didn't feel attracted to this 50-year-old but I did. We talked a lot. Eventually, I decided to test him, to see if he would be disloyal to his wife. While our conversations had definitely been flirty over the past year or so, I had never actually been straight with Tom and told him I still felt the same way. So I told him. Credit to him where it is due, he said he couldn't pursue a relationship with me, but followed it up with 'that we could still hold hands and hug'. He did not tell me why he couldn't, of course.
Only then did I reveal what I knew. I told him I've known for months now what his real name is, where he works, where he lives, and who he lives with. I probably could've been a bit more sensitive in how I brought it up (but let's be honest he doesn't deserve it and I was pretty pissed off keeping this stuff inside for 5 months). He turned incredibly pale and said that I could ask him anything I wanted to know. I asked him about his wife and their relationship (which hadn't been good for years according to him), his son (the pride of his life), and why on earth he had chosen to have explicit exchanges with a 15-year-old as a married man ('I was drunk').
During his stay, we were never intimate in the 'spicy' way, but we did hold hands a lot, he would have his hand on my leg, and we shared long hugs. He stayed the nights at my cousin's, and a few days later he left to go back to his country.
I am not proud of what happened next. Over the next months, we video chatted almost every evening. The conversations got flirtier, the amount of clothes we were wearing diminished until we both went into the calls topless.
One night, things escalated. We had gotten into a fight earlier in the evening - he had revealed that during that first real-life meeting, he had made an audio recording of the whole conversation, apparently so he could later prove to his wife that nothing happened. I responded that it was ok (it totally wasn't but that's beside the point), that I had taken precautions as well, and told him about the friend I had contacted. He lost it, saying I had no right to share his personal details with my friend or anyone else. I got angry in return, saying that he had no reason to distrust me as in the 12 years of knowing each other I had never lied to him; on the other hand I had EVERY reason to distrust him as he literally hid a wife and son from me, and had lied to a 15-year-old girl about his age.
We were both emotionally drained after, and I took things a step further that night, and seduced him into doing more together in front of the camera, maybe knowing that he would be too drained to refuse. He asked me later if I had consciously manipulated him into going along with it, choosing a vulnerable moment to strike - maybe I did, and I regret it.
Over the next months, our 'mishap' developed into a full-blown affair. I visited his home-town about 5 times in the year that followed. We kissed, and did basically everything apart from the 'deed' itself. I think he never wanted to have traditional sex either because then he could keep justifying to himself that he hadn't cheated on his wife, or because he was terrified of getting me pregnant. During my stays in his home-town, he would bring his son Jacob along to our lunches and dinners. Mostly to pacify his wife I suspect, for how could it be an affair with his son around? I loved the kid, we got along well, but I hated the lie that I had to live. To put myself through this was one thing, but it was so unbelievably unfair on Hannah and Jacob.
The whole situation sent me into severe depression. I was abandoning my morals for this man whom I still could not trust. I was lonely, and didn't date because I refused to be a cheater myself (maybe hypocritical). With every real-life meeting, his mask slipped further, and by the end there was little left of the charismatic, caring man that I had imagined him to be. Still, I was so entangled with him that I could not imagine my life without Tom. I did not know who I was without this person, who had completely overshadowed at this point almost half my life and all my adult life. I was stuck.
Eventually, I gave Tom an ultimatum again: Hannah, or me. I gave him two months to make up his mind. We spoke daily, and as his 'deadline' was approaching he became verbally aggressive with me, saying that he wasn't enjoying our conversations as much as he used to because I kept bringing up the choice he had to make. I asked him what he needed from me. He said he needed more time. I am ashamed to say I gave him that time.
I was lucky to have found two very close friends among my colleagues over the course of this whole drama. They had slowly witnessed the situation devolve into something unmaintainable. One of them often visited when I had panic attacks; she even slept next to me on the bad nights to make sure I'd be ok. They recommended me to make written lists of the red flags that I saw, the abusive behaviours Tom had demonstrated, and the effects the whole situation was having on me. They made me see how he would never choose me, that he was happy using everything and everyone as long as it served his needs. They slowly guided me into making the right decision during a work conference, when I didn't have time to contact Tom. Being away from his reach for a week, combined with the continuous talks with my two friends throughout the conference, made me strong enough to make a decision. Together, we agreed that as soon as I got back home, I would call Tom and cut ties with him. My friends would be available on call straight after.
Thanks to my friends, I went through with it. I cut contact almost three years ago now. As expected, he did not fight for me, and never tried to contact me again. My friends saw me through the worst of it.
Four months after cutting ties with Tom, I met the man who is now my husband, and we are currently expecting a baby. He makes me unbelievably happy, and has taught me what a loving relationship should feel like. He knows about this whole story and is very supportive. He even encouraged me to post this as he believes it'd help me process things.
I am still in touch with some of Tom's friends: my cousin, his wife, and a 40-year-old woman who has been my friend since the start of this whole story and was my MOH during my wedding. I have decided not to hold it against them that they cannot let go of Tom - hell, I couldn't let go for 14 years. It just demonstrates the horrible grip and influence he has on people. My MOH and I have an understanding that we don't discuss Tom, and that saved the friendship - we actually have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company a lot. I refuse to lose any more people over him.
I am in a good place now, looking forward to the future, and can't wait to meet our child. Still, this experience has not left me unscathed. I still struggle with trust, in other people and myself, and feel that I am responsible for a lot of what happened. I feel incredibly ashamed and naive for my behaviour over the years. I especially feel horrible about what I did to Hannah and Jacob - as far as I know, Tom never told them about the affair, but I would be very surprised if Hannah didn't know what was going on. I do have my suspicions that I am not the only one Tom did this with, but I have no proof, and it does not take away any of my responsibility in all of this.
So reddit: did I seduce Tom as a 15-year-old, or did he groom me and manipulate me into falling for him? Or was our interaction simply toxic on both sides, and not any one person's fault? And AITA for having pursued this affair even after I found out Tom was married? Also, should I reach out to Hannah (though honestly I would be a bit scared to do so, and I don't feel at all like reinserting myself into Tom's life in any way)?
And finally the question that still keeps me up at night: did Tom ruin half my life, or did I do that all by myself? And if I had a role to play in this, am I fit to be a mother?
TL;DR: As a 15-year-old, I fell in love with a man who claimed he was 19 but was actually 40. 12 years later, I found out he had a wife and son, but had become so infatuated with him that I pursued an affair with him. I ended the affair two years later but still feel guilty. I feel like much of what happened is my responsibility, since I instigated most of the intimacy. AITA?

[Note: We’re focusing on emotional reasons; not physical. And this is just one perspective. Please consult your doctor for healing, withdrawals, etc.]
TL;DR: Addictions are coping mechanisms for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. You're craving intimacy and connection. And, you’re addicted because you judge yourself (and others).
Replace “addiction” with “momentum.” You hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy and motivation).

Addictions are used to regulate your emotions. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck. So you’re learning how to shift from negative addictions (e.g. social media, junk food, vaping, etc.) to positive addictions (e.g. meditate, exercise, dancing, drawing, etc.).
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Before we begin, this is important: I’m not here trying to fix you. Because I don’t think you’re broken. I believe in you. You are strong, worthy and powerful enough to transform this. You may not know how to yet, but we’ll work together in understanding what’s at the heart of the issue, to support you in allowing the life you want and deserve.
Secondary Addictions: Phone, social media, food, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, video games, relationships, attention, validation, anger, sex, porn, weed, smoking, gambling, shopping, hoarding, workaholic, perfectionist, procrastinating, etc. All of these are secondary; compensating for an even greater addiction.
Primary Addiction: You’re addicted to judging yourself (and others). Not accepting and appreciating yourself and others is the cause of secondary addictions.
Addictions are coping mechanism for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. Mistreating substances is a reflection of how you treat yourself. And the irony is, part of the source for addiction is… judging yourself for doing it.
Addiction: Consistently using a substance or experience to regulate your emotions (this can be positive or negative).
And to add another layer: Replace “addiction” with “momentum” (or movement or energy flow). There’s momentum towards what you want or don’t want, and we’re discussing shifting momentum from unwanted to wanted; negative addictions to positive. Your natural state is to feel better. But if you don’t know how to do that, then you’ll rely on circumstances and people as fuel for feeling movement. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck.
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The Cycle of Addictions

• Unwanted/ Negative Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more external/ conditional relief; relying on circumstances and people to feel better → Until you start judging again.
• Wanted/ Positive Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more internal/ unconditional relief; relying on your ability to focus to feel better → Accepting and appreciating reduces your desire for judging and negative addictions.

Negative addictions are used to avoid negative emotions. Whereas positive addictions are used to heal and embrace negative emotions.
Negative emotions are positive guidance (although it might not feel that way) letting you know you are focusing on (and judging) what you don't want. Negative emotions are just messengers of the limiting beliefs you're practicing. They're a necessary part of your emotional guidance, like GPS in your car. But the more you avoid or fight them, you keep yourself stuck.
All emotions are equal and worthy. But most people unknowingly create a hierarchy for their emotions (i.e. positive = good; negative = bad). Begin seeing negative emotions as worthy, valuable and supportive friends, and work together as a team to help you feel better.
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The Purpose of Addictions

Because you’re the CEO of you, you hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy, motivation and enhances a good time).

Addictions either make you feel more powerful, or distract you from feeling powerless. Negative addictions give you a false sense of security, which ironically enhances your insecurity. And that keeps you stuck in a cycle of abuse with negative addictions.
Addictions can soften your focus, so you’re distracted and more general with your thoughts (i.e. tune out). And when you focus less on details, then you’re less aware of what you specifically don’t want or have, so you judge less. And with less judgement, you slow down negative momentum, and naturally feel better.
Negative addictions can help you tune out, but they also won’t let you tune in to who you really are. So if you use substances to numb yourself, then you lose your ability to focus. But it’s your power of focusing that will set you free.
Negative addictions are trying to fill a void, with things that aren’t designed to fill it. It’s like trying to fill a cup with a hole in the bottom; so no matter how much you put in, it's still empty. And you use secondary addictions to distract yourself so you don’t feel the emptiness. But the only way to fix the hole is to be reminded of how powerful, worthy and whole you really are. And it’s not a fact that you’re unworthy; it’s just something you’ve been taught by other people, who feel unworthy.
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Because negative addictions are coping mechanisms, then if you think it’s the cause, then not using it will be the cure. But that doesn’t work as a long-term solution because it doesn’t address the actual issue: judging. So when you stop one unwanted behavior, you’ll probably start something else; i.e. transfer addiction. Or, you can call it transfer relief.
As long as you believe negative addictions help you feel normal, then you're not incentivized to let go because it’s not in your best interest. But when you feel better first, before going to the substance or experience, then you gradually remove its purpose, and thus your desire for it.

• Instead of saying, "I'm addicted," (which is valid). It's more accurate to say, “I’m seeking relief in the best way I know how.”

Negative addictions are just tools, and you used that tool to help you through a difficult time when you didn't know what else to do. You did the best you could, and now you’re ready for a change.

• “Thank you, negative addiction. I appreciate that you supported me. But, I’m taking the company in a new direction, and I will no longer be needing your services.”

Negative addictions have imposter syndrome; and rightfully so — they’re unqualified for the job of giving you sustainable relief. So when you start hiring positive addictions, then you release the control negative addictions once had over the company (i.e. you).
And it doesn’t mean you still don’t enjoy technology, food, etc. You can let them be for fun (based on your personal boundaries), but you are in control. They’re expressions of a fulfilling life; not replacements for it.
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Positive Addictions — What You’re Really Craving

Addictions indicate you're craving intimacy and connection. With others is nice, but you’re craving connection with yourself. And to stop an unwanted addiction, you want a new healthy habit to take its place. Because without it, there’s a power vacuum. So, what are your new healthier coping mechanisms to connect with yourself? For ex:

• "When I feel sad, I meditate for 2 - 15 minutes."
• "When I feel powerless, I exercise, go for a walk, ride a bike, or connect with nature.”
• "When I feel unloved and rejected, I connect with my body, by putting my hand on my heart, focus on deep breathing and being there for myself."
• "When I feel bored, I practice creative outlets to express myself (e.g. dancing, singing, drawing, gardening, crocheting, cooking, etc.).”

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Tips to Start Healing

1. Be Aware. Be Mindful. Be Intentional. When using an unwanted addiction, tell yourself,

• “I am consciously using this for relief. I’m not going to judge myself, because I understand why I’m doing it. I feel lonely, bored, sad, stressed, etc. And so, I am intentionally doing this activity to feel better.”

The simple act of bringing awareness to an unwanted habit shines light into the darkness, and you start regaining your power. You’re still doing the unwanted activity, but you’re tuning in, instead of tuning out.
2. Make a Deal with Yourself. When you get tempted to do an unwanted addiction, focus on feeling better first (e.g. meditate or go for a walk for a few minutes). Then, you can still do the unwanted addiction after you feel better. (This isn’t advocating unwanted behavior, but it is being realistic in helping you wean yourself off, and begin the job transfer process from negative to positive addictions.) So it accomplishes three things:

1. You’re not depriving yourself; you’re just slightly delaying gratification, which builds up your strength of not automatically going to the same unwanted habit.
2. You’re replacing the old addiction with a better-feeling one (and notice that you’ll consume less and/ or gradually have less desire to use the substance).
3. You create self-trust and respect by making a practical deal with yourself, and showing that you’re stronger than you think and can follow through; which also gives you hope that you can do this.

3. Reduce Consumption: Adjust Time and/ or Intensity. (E.g. If you’re smoking five days a week; do only four days, or use one less a day than normal).
4. Focus on what you want to start doing, instead of what you want to stop doing. What do you want to feel?

• “I want to start feeling relief. I want to feel supported. I want to start feeling more loved and accepted for who I am. I want to feel more comfortable and ease. I want to feel more at peace myself. I want to start feeling how strong and capable my body is. I want to feel proud of myself. I want to feel clarity. I want to start looking for more activities that are fun and bring out my creativity.”

5. Your Phone Has Grayscale, which makes it black and white, thus reducing the stimulus and dopamine you receive from it. You can also turn on app limit timers and turn off notifications.
6. Find an Accountability Buddy (if you can). They don’t have to stop their unwanted addictions, but they're willing to celebrate when you succeed and support you if you fall short. Also consider talking to your smoking or drinking buddies about your new commitment to your health.
7. If You Relapse, It’s Okay. Don’t judge yourself (i.e. "Why am I so weak, stupid, etc.?”). Self-judgment is self-sabotage, because it ironically fuels the very behavior you want to stop. You didn’t lose progress, because recovery isn’t a perfect straight line. It’s a process. And regardless, you’re now one step closer to your goal (with more clarity of what you don’t want, and increased desire for what you do want).
8. Self-Reflection Questions:

• "What am I afraid would happen if I stopped doing an unwanted addiction?"
• "What are the advantages of the substance or activity? How does it support me?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I accepted myself just the way I am?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I only focused on what I appreciated about myself?"

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Honorable Mention Addictions

1. Acceptance, Caring What People Think, and Needing to Be Understood
Wanting acceptance is fine. But needing it, is not knowing your value. So you’re desperate to find ways to get people to love and understand you (i.e. people pleaser, perfectionist, workaholic, clingy, gym selfies, etc.). This also inspires arguing, needing to be right and anger addictions, because you need to feel heard and validated (instead of understanding that some people can’t or aren’t interested in understanding).
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2. Avoiding Boredom — Social Media Consumption
Consuming vs Creating. Negative addictions can have an imbalance leaning towards consuming people’s creations, vs expressing your own. When was the last time you laid in bed at night, or waited in line at the store, and didn’t pull out your phone to distract you? Instead of simply appreciating the moment and your surroundings.
“Something distracting me is better than nothing.” But then you don’t have standards of quality; you simply have an insatiable appetite of consuming more. And if you’re not intentionally consuming media; it will consume you. It’s passive consumption; each post is a potato chip. When you don’t have a specific intention before opening an app, then you’ll most likely spend your next hour on empty emotional calories and walk away feeling worse. Excessive consuming leads to fuming and glooming.
Negative addictions can start out innocently. But like a frog in a boiling pot… you don’t notice that you increasingly rely on them for self-medicating negative emotions until you feel it’s consumed you.
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3. Anger and Drama
When you feel bored, there’s no momentum in that. You feel lifeless; like a plank of wood floating on still water. And you would rather feel fun and excitement (i.e. positive momentum). But, if you don’t know how to generate those feelings, then you’ll settle for the next easiest emotion that has momentum, which is anger. (But anger is negative momentum; when not intentionally controlled.)
Drama feels interesting compared to boredom, until it gradually wears on you (and your relationships). So you try to give that anger addiction up. But if you don’t know how to create positive momentum, then when you get bored, you’ll reach for anger again to get your fix to feel that energy flow.
As you judge yourself, you will feel sad, and then naturally inspired to feel angry, because anger has more momentum and energy than sadness; thus it feels more empowering. But if you don’t intentionally choose anger for relief (in a safe space, by yourself; don’t express it to others), then as you continue judging people and circumstances, you will eventually feel sad again, and feel stuck in a cycle of sad → angry → sad → angry.
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4. Victim Mentality, Dismissive and Needing to Be Right
If you haven’t healed your inner child and trauma, you can get addicted to always feeling like a victim. You would rather be right, than happy. So you can believe you’re always right, and everyone else is wrong. You can get addicted to being dismissive of people’s perspectives (as a reflection of how you felt you were treated growing up). One advantage of continuing to feel like a victim is, you don’t have to change; everyone else has to change, because they’re the problem (i.e. you believe your negative emotions come from them). Your trauma isn’t your fault. And, healing is possible, when you feel comfortable and open to the opportunity.
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5. Procrastinating, Isolation and Abandonment
Isolation amplified after the year 2020 (gee, I wonder why…). The main appeal is having no expectations, pressure to perform, or be responsible to others. The issue is, people are simply a mirror that reflects the relationship you have with yourself. So avoiding people doesn’t get rid of your limiting beliefs; you just become less aware of them.
Also, it can be easy to get stuck in the cycle of, "I hate myself, so I don't socialize. Which makes me feel lonely. So I hate myself even more..."
Procrastinating and abandonment can cause other addictions. For ex: You’re doomscrolling until 2 am because you’re avoiding the routine to go to bed, and/ or trying to run away from feeling bored, lonely and worthless.
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6. Productivity, Maximizing and Efficiency
People thought the creation of computers would help people work less because it would do a lot of the work. Only to fast forward and realize it just raised society’s standards of the work they expected from you, causing you to ironically work more; not less. And with the emergence of A.I., hopefully we don’t repeat the same mistake.
People naturally want what’s best for them. But, if you were raised to constantly need to improve and do more, then any activity you do, can be turned into two to three activities. Maximizing your time doing one activity, while learning another (e.g. second screen viewing — which can be beneficial, but detrimental when you feel you have to do it and/or avoiding boredom). With the abundance and ease of access to learning, addiction to productivity causes you to demonize downtime: “Why just go for a walk? Why just lay in bed? I should be making money or learning something useful.”
Productivity addiction can justify doing less hobbies you enjoy, because they’re not making money. This can ironically make you less productive. You’re burned out, but you feel lazy because you don’t want to work all of the time; but can’t justify fun… so you do nothing as a compromise. This reduces the quality of your life, which then fuels other negative addictions to fill the void. And, if you don’t take a break from working, then your body will do it for you.
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7. Comparing Yourself to Others and Should
When you compare yourself, you should all over yourself. “I should do this and be different,” or, “I shouldn’t have done that.” Shoulds leave you either feeling shame or resentment. If you force yourself to do what you think you should, then you sacrifice yourself, and so you feel resentment. But if you don’t do it, then you feel guilty, shame and regret. You can’t win.
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8. Limerence, One-Sided and Parasocial Relationships
You’re addicted to people who don’t care about you. You keep holding on to people whose behavior makes it clear they’re not interested in a mutually satisfying relationship (romantic or friendship). This can be celebrities, K-Pop idols, streamers, influences and/or a situationship you’ve put your life on hold for years waiting and hoping for it to become something more.
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You Didn’t Waste Your Life — There’s Still Hope

Robert Downey Jr.'s life was a disaster for years (alcohol and drug addiction, arrested, etc.) before he decided to turn it around (and iconically become Iron Man). His pain and experiences were fuel to become the actor and inspirational person that he is today. His quotes:

• “Remember that just because you hit the bottom doesn't mean you have to stay there.”
• “It’s easy to embrace hopelessness when things seem insurmountable. And yet, it’s actually just a matter of time until all of the elements come together for things to be alright. I mean, I believe that most difficult situations will resolve themselves if you are persistent and if you don’t give up entirely. And that’s what I never did; I never gave up.”

Although it may not seem like it right now, everything you have lived can be used to make you stronger, wiser, healthier and happier. Your potential has increased at least tenfold because of your “wasted” experiences. Think of it like you’re a rubber band on a slingshot; and the further back you stretched into the darkness, as you let go of limiting beliefs, you propel yourself forward that much farther into the light.
I can’t wait for you to begin seeing what you’re truly capable of in the months and years to come. When you finally stop beating up on yourself for the very past that will propel you into becoming the more compassionate, understanding, supportive, appreciative, creative, productive and fulfilled person that you want to be.
~ BFree
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Share your thoughts: What’s one step you’re going to do to let go of negative addictions and start allowing more empowering positive addictions?
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Previous Posts:
1. You Didn't Waste Your Life — You Can Always Make a Comeback
2. Healing Heartbreak — How to Move On from Breakups
3. How to Get Motivated & Disciplined — Why Forcing Yourself to “Just Do It” Ironically Doesn’t Work
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