Boys: Justin, Ripper, Topher
Girls: Anne Maria, Jasmine, MK
Episode 19: The Princess Pride
"Last time, on Total Drama Action! Just when the cast thought they were safe, I swung in to surprise – I mean, antagonize them."
"The cast were forced to use their creative sides while showing off their back sides. As they made superhero costumes out of spandex. And...some other junk. Nice tights!"
"Of course, they were foiled by the diabolical Pythonicus, evil alter-ego of the villainous Chef!"
"In a fight against evil, the cast proved they could be heroes. And also, loooseerrss!"
"In the end, the most diabolical of them all was MK, who twisted things in order to get Chase eliminated."
The recap footage ended, and the scene flashed to the control tent where Chris was waiting with a smile. "Will the Gaffer alliance recover from Chase being gone? Will Anne Maria and Topher keep going out?" he pressed a button on the keyboard to his side, causing a picture of the couple to appear on one of the screens behind him.
"Maybe you'll find out right now?" he shrugged impishly as the scene changed again and he walked towards the cast trailers. "Maybe you won't? On another, totally dramatic episode of," he stopped in his tracks and the camera zoomed out with each further word, "Total! Drama! Action!"
(Theme Song)
The episode began with, of all things, a close-up of some brown and beany mush plopping onto a plate. The camera panned up to reveal its source as burrito beans in the hands of Jasmine being put together. Shots of Ripper, MK, and Justin also showed them making burritos as well.
The camera zoomed out to show the four constructing burritos on the table next to the tent's entrance while Topher and Anne Maria were at the other table, the former overseeing the quartet as he stood on the table and the latter simply applying lipstick to her lips.
“Ten more seconds, guys! The biggest burrito wins!” Topher declared and looked at Anne Maria. “Do you think I'd make a good reality show host?”
Anne Maria put her lipstick away. “Can you excuse me? I'm working on my facial features,” she said.
“But you already worked on yourself in the morning,” Topher said.
“You'd do the same if your hair was lookin’ messy,” Anne Maria retorted.
“Touché,” Topher pulled back.
“And time is up, folks!” MK informed everybody with her watch.
"Ripper, what do you got?” Topher asked the burly boy.
“Allow me to demonstrate my beefcake burrito!” Ripper held up his plate - his burrito has no wrapping and simply consisted of beef shaped into a cake. “I actually managed to make a cake out of beef.”
“How interesting,” Topher observed after getting off the table. “Jasmine, how about you?”
“These are my twin burritos!” Jasmine said with a plate that had two burritos tied together with an elastic rubber band.
“You actually wrapped your burritos?” Topher inspected heavily.
“Of course I did,” Jasmine nodded. “Twins are sometimes inseparable, and it's a good thing that these burritos aren't Siamese, otherwise they would have tried to eat one another.”
Topher laughed at her quip. “Points for that quip,” he said and made his way over to MK. “MK, how did you manage to make your burrito?”
“I am proud to present the MK Whopper!” MK took her burrito out from under the table and presented it - the burrito was shaped to look like MK with the beans as the body, wrap pieces as the hat and clothes, a sliced piece of tomato as the mouth, and pieces of beef as the eyes.
“The burrito is self-serving, but quality effort regardless,” Jasmine commented.
“Quality? Check out the guns on these beans,” Justin objected as his leitmotif played and he whipped out his burrito shaped to look like a flexing bicep. He even flexed his own bicep and moved his eyebrow in order to impress the contestants, but they were unfazed. “Nothing. You feel nothing?”
“Nope,” Jasmine shook her head.
“I was never once into you, Justin,” MK added as well.
“Man, this scratched schnoz has destroyed my looks and my life!” Justin moped. “Why?”
“MK, your self-art and ego is unsurprising, but you did make the biggest and best burrito, so you win,” Topher told her.
“This isn't right,” Justin protested and was now out of his seat. “I demand a second neutral opinion.”
“I'm no doctor or anything, but we all have reality-show-itis, and it's making us turn things into a challenge,” Anne Maria spoke up.
“I'm not sure if that's a thing, but I can't help myself when this day is bland and boring,” Topher said.
Confessional: Justin
“When my good looks went, so did my winning edge,” Justin told the viewers. “But some people are still managing to kick butt, and they're not nearly as good looking as I am!” He paused to think about what he said. “Okay, as I was.”
Confessional Ends
Justin was now sitting next to Anne Maria. “You know, you're the only one taking the game seriously. I just wish I knew how you did it all. It's so inspirational.”
“I'm just playing the game the best I know how,” Anne Maria said. “And it's not by sabotage like Scott did to me.”
“Scott also sabotaged my chances in the game as well,” Justin continued. “Hey, we have something in common.”
“Yeah we do, now go away,” Anne Maria ordered. “I don't know if they'll be a challenge, and I'd like to relax in peace.”
A few off-camera footsteps gave everyone pause, and they looked towards the room's entrance as the shot moved to a side-view of the room. Chef Hatchet had entered wearing a faded purple Medieval-styled costume, complete with a simple horn bearing a flag marked with a simple black-and-purple shield.
He blew a few awkward notes, then the camera moved in for a close-up as he made an announcement. "Hear ye, and rise! For Sir Chris!"
"Sir?!" Jasmine repeated with disbelief. "This Bruce's ego is fussing me to heaps!"
The shot moved back out to show Chris McLean riding atop the same decrepit-looking horse that had been used for a much earlier episode. He was wearing a knight's helmet and holding what looked to be a boot made of glass, and dismounted once Chef laid out a small rug for him to stand on.
"Hold on," Topher said slowly. "Glass slipper. Medieval stuff. This must be a Fairy Tale theme!"
"Topher," Chris said with stern annoyance, "if you ever steal my intro again, I'll have to personally boot you off the show."
"Hey, you can't do that!" Topher protested. "You brought me onto this show!"
"This boot," Chris said happily, "will determine the Princess for today's Fairy Tale movie challenge! The rest of you," he added as the camera panned across the tent from right to left, "compete for the honor of rescuing the fair Princess."
Anne Maria immediately raised her hand eagerly. "I wanna be the Princess!"
"I said the fair Princess," Chris repeated. "And what we think is fair is that the candidates be the ladies who haven't had a win since the merge: MK," he looked at the unamused techno, "and Jasmine." The focus moved to the Outback girl, who merely raised an eyebrow.
Confessional: Jasmine
"Okay, I am not Princess material," Jasmine said in the make-up confessional. "Not only am I too tall to fit the role, but I'm not really interested in fairy tales."
Confessional Ends
A short drumroll preceded an even shorter chanted note as MK and Jasmine approached the end of the table closest to the tent entrance.
"Yeah, there's no way that I'm gonna be some Princess, McLean!" MK barked at the host who was standing nearby with the glass boot still in his hand. "And don't even try to jam that boot on my foot."
"Okay," Chris said slowly, "that's a no for MK. Jasmine, you're up."
"Well, I'm not fond of fairy tales," Jasmine said, "but I might as well."
"Hold on there, Thunder from Down Under," Chris told her. "You have to put the boot on first. Make sure you're actually Princess material."
Jasmine frowned. "Okay then." She sat on the end of the table, slipped off one of her shoes, and tried to force it on.
The host and other castmates watched as she grunted and began to sweat, trying to get the boot onto her foot. Eventually, she let out a disappointed breath and held the boot back up. "It's no use," Jasmine told the host. "I can't get it on, and even then, it would shatter to pieces."
"Well," Chris said blankly, "guess that's both candidates out, unless MK changes her mind."
MK just glared at him. "Not a chance."
Anne Maria immediately grinned. "Yo Chris!"
"Looks like we have to do another selection method," Chris grabbed the glass boot and began to turn, only for Anne Maria to dart forward and snatch the footwear away from him.
Anne Maria swiftly tossed aside one of her heels and replaced it with the glass boot. "There," she said with a smile, raising her leg to show the boot glimmering on the end of it, "I always knew that I was meant to be royalty!"
"Fine, Anne Maria can be the Princess," Chris said heavily. "Let's just get this over with. Chef?" he looked back over his shoulder, and the shot pulled back to show the hulking man arriving back on the scene. He had changed into a pale blue ballerina's outfit, and had strapped a pair of fake wings to his back that, along with the glittering 'wand' in his hand, gave him the appearance of a fairy godmother.
"I dub thee, Princess Anne Maria," Chef said shortly as a touching song played, waving the wand above the grinning girl's head and releasing a cloud of sparkling dust that nearly choked Topher, Ripper, and Justin.
Confessional: MK
"Anne Maria as the Princess?" MK told the confessional camera with a snort and a laugh. "I wouldn't want to be in that Fairy Tale. Along with any others out there."
Confessional Ends
A harp played in the background as an image of Chris' head and a large hardcover book appeared on screen in front of a yellowish stock background. "It's story time, with uncle Chris," the host's disembodied head said before the scene flashed to him seated in a large purple armchair with the same book in hand. His left hand was on a joystick built into the arm of the chair, and he seemed to be slowly rolling through the set.
"Once upon a time," he began slowly, the camera pulling back to show the host rolling up to the contestants minus Anne Maria on a wheeled platform, his chair joined by a matching footstool, pedestal side table, and even a fireplace. "Five brave knights went on a quest to rescue a Princess from her ivory tower." He pulled back on the joystick, and the platform came to a stop. "But, it wasn't gonna be easy! First," he looked at the staircase behind him, "the knights had to get past my very good friend," the shot quick-panned up and left to Chef, now dressed in a tattered vest and trousers with a long moss-green wig and beard, "the Terrible Toothless Troll!" The shot zoomed in on Chef as he quickly blackened a few of his front teeth with a sharpie. "And, his Bad Breaks Bridge!"
The camera zoomed out even further as a few ominous chants played in the background, showing a large mountainous set featuring a rickety rope bridge over a treacherous and craggy fake waterfall. The contestants gulped.
"To get past the Terrible Toothless Troll," Chris read on, "the knights had to wear disguises! There was the Frog Prince," he grabbed a vaguely frog-like great helm from behind his chair and tossed it to Justin, "and the Ugly Stepsister," he tossed a large wig of wavy red hair in a tall bun to MK. "Snow White," he tossed a pink sleep mask to Jasmine, "and one of her Seven Dwarves," he followed that up by throwing a tall wizard's hat patterned with stars, moons, and lightning bolts to Topher. "Aaand," the host finished by pulling out a bright red hooded cape, "Little Red Riding Hood."
He tossed it to Ripper, who raised an eyebrow as he caught it. "Seriously? Can't I just be Riding Red?"
"No dice dude. That's what it says in the script," Chris told him as an unseen intern delivered a plate of milk and cookies to the host's side table. He turned and grabbed one, saying "Good work, kid," before continuing his monologue. "And so, the Ugly approached the Terrible Troll."
"I can't see in this thing!" MK said.
"Oh yeah," Chris said to a dramatic rise in the background music, "for this challenge, each knight is blind." The five teens immediately began to protest, causing the host to snap at them. "Nowhere in this story does it say 'the cowardly knights complained'!" he told the cast with a brief glance at his book. "So get it together, steppy, and get crossing!"
The footage skipped ahead to show MK slowly inching her way across the bridge while holding on to one of the rope rails. "This ain't too bad," she said to herself. She was hit by several red apples in rapid succession, causing her to yelp in pain.
"Oh, also," Chris said as the shot cut back to him, "those are Wicked Witch's apples, so, they're poisonous and rotten. You might wanna watch..."
He stopped talking as the shot cut back to MK slipping on one of the apples and fell off the bridge to the rocky set below. The camera followed as she fell and bounced off of several outcroppings before landing onto the hard ground. The shot cut briefly to the other contestants as they winced in pain before cutting back to the techno girl lying awkwardly on the ground with an apple in her mouth.
"Well, looks like MK isn't fairy tale hero material," Chris commented, dunking one of his cookies into his glass of milk. The short girl writhed in pain.
Confessional: MK
MK had on a neck brace and bandages around her head and torso, "I'm having trouble remembering what happened after the fall. Does that mean I have a concussion?"
Confessional Ends
A harp was played as the footage cut back to the other contestants standing at the start of the bridge. "Next, the eighth dwarf," Chris said as he moved his platform around towards the far staircase. "He grabbed a fistful of courage and headed across the bridge."
Topher glanced over at Chef. The man had hunched over, and was slapping a cat o' nine tails against his hand with a wild grin. He took a deep breath, put on the wizard’s hat over his eyes, and charged forward with a battle cry. Chef raised his eyebrows and rushed out to stop him, but he jumped onto a rope rail and ran through it until he was past Chef.
"Did I make it?" Topher asked, having reached the other side.
Confessional: Topher
"Poise classes have taught me to always be aware of my surroundings, whether I’m blindfolded or not," Topher grinned. "And with Anne Maria as the Princess, I’m not botching this one."
Confessional Ends
The footage skipped ahead to Jasmine's attempt, the sleeping mask already over her eyes and her hands firmly on the ropes of the bridge as she walked forward at a steady pace. Chef squeezed a mother goose, launching a golden egg out of its rear like a bullet. It shot past the girl's shoulder. "What was that?" Jasmine asked as she moved her head to track it. A second egg hit her square in the chest, knocking her back a step and putting a grin on Chef's face.
Jasmine frowned for a moment, then took a cautious step that was apparently at the bridge's weak point. The camera zoomed in on the bridge as it rippled, knocking loose every plank all the way to Chef. With a gasp and a scream, the troll and his goose fell, and the scene cut to him as he grabbed something behind his back. "They don't pay me enough for this!" Chef yelled, pulling the cord of a hidden parachute and floating down safely.
Jasmine was unaware of the danger and took one more step, expectedly screaming and falling. The camera cut to Chris as he followed the Amazon girl's fall and winced at the sound of an impact. "Awesome!" he cheered. "You’re up, froggy." The scene cut to the start of the bridge where Justin stood. "Then Captain Hood after that."
Justin put on his helmet. "At least my face will be protected from further indignity," he said as he slowly moved towards the bridge. He walked right shoulder into one of the posts holding up the bridge.
Ripper laughed. "Tough break, pretty boy," he jeered. "Go a little to the right." The eye candy followed the advice and walked into the other pole, causing Ripper to laugh. "Sorry man!" the bully called before laughing again.
Chef was shown running past the center of the bridge with an ax raised and ready to strike, while Justin stayed at the bridge completely oblivious. Ripper laughed once more and pushed the model into the cook. "Let me give you a hand," he said as he did so. Chef brought his ax down and hit the hot boy's helmet, causing the eyes to spin comically and Ripper to laugh once more.
Confessional: Justin
“There I was, down dirty, and deafened,” Justin recapped his failure. “And I thought "W.W.A.M.D.": What would Anne Maria do? And then it came to me! She'd use her head.”
Confessional Ends
With a battle cry, Justin rushed the cook with his helmet and ran him over, safely making it to the other side. "Justin's still got it!" Chris said as the camera cut to him. "All right, the final knight attempting to enter Fairy Tale Land is," the shot cut to Ripper as he tied a blindfold over his eyes and faced away from the camera, "Riding Red! We're over this way!"
"My seeing is good," Ripper said as he turned around. The camera cut to his perspective to show that he could actually see Chef putting on a blonde pigtailed wig. "I'm able to see Chef as a female troll! Hilarious!"
"Rapunzel dude, let down your hair!" Chris called, and Chef lengthened one of the pigtails and began swinging it around. He cracked it like a whip at the bully, who dodged it.
The camera cut to Justin watching Ripper avoid every attack. "Hey! He can see!" he cried.
"How?" Chris asked sarcastically. "With his X-ray vision? That'd be cool."
Chef attacked one last time, but Ripper grabbed onto the pigtail and swung across to safety with a whoop.
The footage skipped ahead to a close-up of Chris's book as he began to narrate once again. "And so, the Terrible Toothless Troll knocked off two losers," the shot pulled back to show Jasmine, wearing a leg cast and her right arm in a sling, and MK sitting on the ground nearby. "But," the camera panned over to Justin, Ripper, and Topher on the right, "three semi-brave knights made it to the other side and continued on their noble quest. Whereupon I, in my wisdom, inspired them with a vision of Princess Anne Maria."
The shot pulled back even further, revealing that the group had assembled in front of a small stage with a pink-tinted backdrop depicting a large white castle off in distant hillsides. A slow piano melody began to play as Anne Maria, now dressed in a regal-looking pink gown and tiara, was lowered onto the stage by a few wires.
"When I was a little girl, I'd dream of my first kiss," Anne Maria began to sing in a rather mediocre voice the moment she hit the stage and the wired harness was reeled back up. "It would come from my perfect prince!" A number of tiny birds and chipmunks gathered around her, the birds even landing on her hands. "And in my dream, it went like this!"
The scene immediately cut to the three remaining knights as they watched the performance. Justin and Topher were both stunned by her display, while Ripper couldn't care less.
“She's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” Justin said.
Definitely,” Topher chimed in.
“I must've been so busy seeing her as a potential alliance member and extra vote that I didn't see her outer beauty. Wow,” Justin continued in amazement. “We'll be the best looking couple in the kingdom!”
The music came to a halt as Topher and Ripper were surprised by what just came out of Justin's mouth.
“Excuse me, but I am still dating her!” Topher objected heavily.
“And there's no way she'll ever be into you,” Ripper told Justin.
“I saw you cheat, Ripper,” Justin let him know. “You don't deserve to be anybody's prince.”
“And who died and made you the rule master?” Ripper faced the handsome boy threateningly.
"Guys, guys!" Chris said, stepping forward and getting between the boys. "No need to fight! At least not until after this break," he declared happily. "Will Ripper inflict any deformities on Justin? Or will Justin's ripped physique bring two tons of hurt down on Topher's head? Find out when we come back!"
(Commercial Break)
The footage came back to a distance shot of the stage Anne Maria was still singing on, her music resuming as the shot cut closer.
"My prince will be tall and handsome," she sang, the camera panning down to catch Justin standing straight and proud. "My prince will be tough as nails," Ripper flexed his biceps and then lifted a startled Topher over his head.
"My prince will have lots of money," Anne Maria continued, the camera moving back on her as she showered the stage with a wad of cash. "My prince will tame wild whales!" She flexed her own arms, Chris nodded to the beat, and the shot cut to Topher looking at a small and rather disoriented baleen whale on the floor in confusion.
The shot panned down to Jasmine and MK who were watching the performance with boredom on their faces.
"How are you feeling about the whole Fairy Tale thing?" Jasmine asked MK.
"Couldn't care less," MK answered bluntly. "I just don't know why we have to keep watching though."
A close-up was shown of Anne Maria reaching for a wary-eyed frog in a small crown, the Jersey girl pulling it closer to her as she finished her song. "When we kiss~, my prince will be you~!" As the music ended, she held up the frog and kissed it on the lips, but broke almost immediately in a fit of revulsion.
Anne Maria threw the frog away from her, and it landed on Justin's face. "Warts! Get it off!" he cried out as he ran around trying to get the frog out.
"Wasn't that song brilliant?" Chris asked as the focus moved back to him, Jasmine, and MK. "It was so brilliant, I know everyone wishes they could hear it over, and over, and over again! And now they can." He snapped his fingers, and a CD case bearing Princess Anne Maria's picture on the cover was placed in his waiting hand.
"Relive the magic of Anne Maria for only $12.99," he told the camera as a deep and theatrical tune began to play. "Call 555-SELLOUT to get your authentic Princess Anne Maria CD," he added as the camera zoomed in on the case, "before everyone else downloads it illegally!"
"I'll take one!" Topher quickly begged, earning him a CD. "This will be worth spending thirteen dollars of my money."
Confessional: Topher
"My prince will buy me lots of hot dogs! My prince will love ponies too!" Topher was listening to the CD through headphones as his confessional began. "Her singing isn't the best, but I do want to support her," he told the camera.
Confessional Ends
"After risking my life for you, I have come to realize this!" Justin said as he approached the stage. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And the smartest. What are the odds?"
He offered his hand to Anne Maria, but she didn't take it. "Thanks for telling me what I already know!"
"Uhh, aren't you going to compliment me on my bravery?" Justin asked.
"Nah! Princesses are supposed to be complimented in my world,” Anne Maria said, to Justin's disappointment. “It's not their job to give them out to anyone, but for me, I'll make an exception for Topher, the handsomest knight around!”
The camera moved to Ripper rolling her eyes and Topher smiling. “And you are the most beautiful princess around!” Topher complimented back before a sound caught the attention of both. They turned their heads at once and the scene followed their gaze over to Chef, still in his troll costume but now riding the same fly-ridden horse from earlier in the episode.
"How has that horse not died yet?" MK commented. "It can't be in good condition after all their time being used on this show."
"Just because it's a little old, doesn't mean it's not fighting for their life," Jasmine told her.
Anne Maria hopped onto the horse's back while Ripper and Topher came over. “Are we supposed to catch him?" Topher asked.
"No, it's a classic princess abduction," Chris explained calmly. "As the villain makes a whirlwind getaway on a swift steed."
Chef kicked the horse with his feet, but it didn't react. "Guess ol' Betsy here didn't read the script," he said gruffly.
"Kick harder," Chris commanded, and Chef promptly complied. A stronger kick caused the horse to kick backwards, hitting Justin – who had been standing closest - right in the face.
"That did it," Chef said as Justin was shown to have a few teeth knocked out and a bruised right eye.
"So, that's how the three knight dudes lost the Princess," Chris narrated, "But fate, aka me, wasn't finished with them." Chef and Anne Maria rode off behind him. "They followed the troll all the way to a fight to the death, because that's how I like my princesses saved."
"Sir Topher!" Anne Maria called out playfully as she was slowly abducted. "You better be the one who rescues me!"
"These two haven't even got a chance!" Topher replied arrogantly.
"As good luck, I'll give you my favor to carry into the battle!" Anne Maria tossed the glass boot, but it unintentionally hit Justin in the face.
Confessional: Justin
Justin was having his bruises covered up by make-up brushes from two unknown people while the glass boot was on the table.
“Falling for Anne Maria has been hard on the face. I think we'll have a no glass shoes policy if we start dating soon,” Justin informed and put the boot away. “I have no idea what Chase and Millie's policies are, but they're probably less dignified.”
Confessional Ends
The footage cut forward to a close-up of the old horse chewing on some hay before the camera panned over to a small castle archway propped up against a tower of some sort. "Sir Justin, Sir Topher, and Sir Ripper reached the ivory tower in which the troll had stuck the super tanned princess," Chris read as the three remaining competitors walked into the scene and he followed on his rolling platform. The shot panned up the towers, where several other pieces of crenelated wall had been attached here and there, and at the very top there was a pinkish spire and balcony where Princess Anne Maria waited.
"But there was only one way to rescue her," the host continued with a grin on his face and tense music building in the background. "One of the brave knights had to slay the dragon!"
"Dragon?!" Jasmine asked in alarm. "Tell me you didn't get a real dragon for this!"
"Seeing as dragons don't exist," MK told her, "I find that highly unlikely."
"She's right," Chris said as the music switched to something more ominously lurking. "We're reusing the alien monster guy."
Seconds later, a few tremendous mechanical footsteps were heard. MK and Jasmine looked to stage right and the camera pulled back, showing off the animatronic monster in all its glory. Chef was wearing the motion capture suit that controlled it, and it had been given a hood with horns, a scraggly 'beard', and two tiny wings in order to make it look more draconic. Chef raised his arms menacingly, and the monster echoed the pose and growled.
"Let the dragon slaying begin!" Chris announced, pulling out a trio of wooden swords and throwing them to the knights. Ripper caught the shortest, Topher the most slender, and Justin the broadest, and the three turned to face the tower and dragon.
"I'm counting on you, Sir Topher!" Anne Maria called from above, smiling at the fanboy and blowing him a kiss. He accepted it with a grin, and Anne Maria turned her attention to the other two knights and frowned. "As for you two, you'll need all the luck you can get."
"Yeah, cause I'll be the one who's going to slay today!" Topher boasted before turning and charging at the dragon.
"Not so fast," Justin charged at Topher and the two clashed their swords into each other's, only breaking when they noticed a foot-shaped shadow fall upon them. They rolled out of the way before the monster stomped them, and the camera panned over to Justin landing next to Ripper.
“You want Topher to win?” Justin faced Ripper.
“Like I care which one of you wins,” Ripper scoffed.
“Then help me take him down and I'll let you win,” Justin offered.
Ripper thought about it, and the viewpoint moved over to Chef guiding the monster in stomping and snapping at Topher. He was able to strike the dragon's head with his sword. “You are not going to stop me from rescuing Anne Maria!” the fanboy told the dragon.
“Just get them both chasing you,” Ripper suggested.
“And why?” Justin asked.
“Do you want to stop that monster or not?” Ripper glared. “Just do it!”
Justin sighed but complied, and both Topher and the Chef-controlled monster made moves to chase after him while Ripper watched from the sidelines.
“Are you going to fight me or run away from me?!” Topher asked with a taunt.
“Justin, you're going to stop running in 3…2…1!” Ripper ordered, and Justin paused his dash.
Topher also stopped chasing him as well, and the dragon, who was still trying to chase the others, caught its foot on Topher and somehow tripped. It flailed its arms humorously before crashing to the ground.
"A job well done," Ripper said as he ran over to the large red button on the side of the beast's neck. “Now to claim my second immunity win in a row!” he said as he readied his sword to finish it off, but Justin came up to push him off the dragon and onto the floor.
"Sorry Ripper," Justin told him. "If Izzy was the prize, I'm sure you'd do the same thing." He plunged his sword into the dragon's neck, causing it to fizzle and short out. "Anne Maria," he dramatically called out, "your prince is coming."
"Some prince," Ripper mocked.
The camera panned to the right to show Chris' moving platform as he arrived with Jasmine and MK in tow.
"Wanna rescue Princess Anne Maria too?" he asked the camera. "Now you can, for only $79.95!" he pulled out a pink-and-yellow striped box and held it up for the camera, a vaguely Anne Maria-shaped doll barely visible inside. "Order your very own Princess Anne Maria Limited Edition Glass Boot Doll! Playing with the Anne Maria doll is more fun and less dangerous than playing with the real Anne Maria. Guaranteed!" He finished with a cheesy grin.
The scene cut to the top of the ivory tower as Justin climbed up to the balcony where Anne Maria waited. "I have arrived!" Justin announced.
"Not the guy I was expecting, but a reward is a reward," Anne Maria grumbled and the two moved in for a kiss.
"Wait, wait, there's no kissing!" Chris interrupted the two from his chair.
“What?” Justin felt confused.
“Oh yeah!” Topher cheered from under the dragon.
"It says here that Prince Justin and Princess Anne Maria must sword fight to determine the true winner!" Chris explained while reading off his book.
"Which means I still have a chance at winning immunity?" Anne Maria asked quickly.
"You're much smarter than most princesses," Chris replied.
"Usually, most fairy tales end with a kiss," Jasmine said.
"Well, this is a modern tale," Chris explained. "Gals have to fight for themselves."
“You can say that again,” MK agreed.
“If that's how it has to be-” Anne Maria said.
“No,” Justin cut her off, now kneeling on one leg. “I am a noble gentleman. A brave knight. A handsome prince. I would never hurt a lady.”
“But you would hurt a guy working with you,” Ripper interjected after getting up on his feet.
“I said I was sorry, Ripper,” Justin told him with annoyance and focused back on Anne Maria. “I refuse to raise a sword to Anne Maria.” Anne Maria took the sword from him. “I give up any chance at immunity to spare her. And now…”
Justin puckered his lips and moved close, only for his eyes to widen. The camera pulled back to show the hilt of the sword buried in his crotch.
“Not sorry! I'm already taken!" Anne Maria declared before pushing Justin off.
Justin fell with a scream until he hit one of the 'towers' on his cheek. He kept on hitting one tower after another until he hit the ground on his back in severe pain. “I'm okay!”
The camera panned over to Chris and the other losers. "Anne Maria wins immunity! Again!" the host announced.
"Yes!" Anne Maria cheered.
The opening sequence of the Gilded Chris Ceremony came and went, leaving the scene focused on the tux-wearing host at his podium. "So," Chris began with an award already in his hand, "with immunity, Anne Maria is the first to win a Gilded Chris." He tossed the statuette to the girl, sitting on the left side of the bleachers, and she caught it with a smug grin.
"Immunity and my own dolls? How much better can this day get?" Anne Maria said.
"Well, it's not like you're getting the profits from the Princess Anne Maria line," Chris said plainly.
Anne Maria's eyes popped open in shock. "Uh, what?!" she said in outrage. “It's my line!”
“I’m saying that you're not going to get the profits because they’ll be sent over to your family for safekeeping, along with a Princess Anne Maria doll,” Chris explained. “I don't want any of my interns or producers to take what's rightfully yours. Lawsuits and all.”
“Oh!” Anne Maria said in relief. “I'm relieved, but I'm also upset that you made me act like an idiot!”
"Then you should have let me finish! Also still in the competish," Chris announced with another two awards in his hand, "MK and Jasmine." The former caught her prize in her lap with a confident grin, and the latter with a happy smile.
"And also Ripper," the host continued, the camera panning to the bully who smiled as he caught his award.
Spotlights were put on Justin and Topher, the former in a body cast. "Who will live happily ever after, and who will die penniless," Chris said as the music built dramatically. "And the last Gilded Chris goes to… Justin!"
"What?!" Anne Maria stood up. "You have to be joking! Justin should be going home!"
"Yeah, you're right. I was just kidding," Chris said. "Justin's actually the one who's been eliminated."
Topher caught his award. “I knew I would be safe.”
Confessional: Topher
“I told everybody to vote off Justin,” Topher confirmed. “He tried to move in on my girlfriend, and him getting booted would serve him right. The best part is, everybody was on board with it and I didn’t even have to try and convince them.”
Confessional Ends
Justin got up and started to head to the red carpet, but stopped to look at the contestants. “So is no one even going to miss me?”
“I never liked you,” MK shrugged.
“See ya,” Ripper said apathetically. “Get better soon, or sometime.”
“Okay, stop already! I'm going! But you'll regret it,” Justin told them and walked to the red carpet. Before getting into the limousine, he gave one last look to the remaining players. “With me gone, this competition just got eighty percent less handsome.” The eye candy turned around, only to hit his head on the roof. “All right, seventy-nine!” he groaned.
The footage paused there, and the camera pulled back to show it on one of the monitors in the control tent. Chris was sitting in his chair playing with a couple of Princess Anne Maria dolls, a few more scattered on the nearby desk.
"I know what I told Anne Maria, but marketing says that our target audience is too old for dolls," Chris told the camera as the footage on the monitor cut to static. "They're just not selling!" He looked to the side, and the camera panned to follow and show Chef playing with a group of Princess Anne Maria dolls dressed up as soldiers.
"Princesses, attack!" he said with a dark grin, lighting a miniature cannon with a match as the deeper and more dramatic ending theme began to play. The cannon fired with a puff, blowing the heads off two of the dolls.
Chris gave him an odd look, then turned back to the camera. "Hey target audience! Make sure you don't miss the next kiss-filled episode of Total! Drama! Action!" As soon as he finished saying the title, he mashed the mouths of the two dolls he was holding together and made kissing sounds. "Now you see, Chef," he told his companion, "that's how you play with dolls."
(Roll the Credits)
(Bonus Clip)
The scene opened to Justin sitting on the back seat of the limousine with the glass boot in hand. “What I've learned? Well, maybe that good looks won't take you everywhere you want to go,” he said wisely. “I mean, what have I ended up with? A wounded face, a bruised ego, and a shoe that I can't even wear. Maybe if I stopped modeling and threw all my energy into getting smarter, more girls could fall in love with me,” he thought. “But modeling pays. And Jesús, my booker, says that even with my severe facial wounds, he can get me a bunch of leg modeling and some celebrity kid's birthday party. So, love schmove.” He threw the glass boot out the window, and a shattering sound indicated that the boot was destroyed.
Eva - 15th
Geoff - 15th
Izzy - RETURNED
Trent - 13th
Sky - 12th
Brick - 11th
Scott - 10th
Izzy - 9th
Millie - 8th
MERGE
Chase - 7th
Justin - 6th
Boys: Ripper, Topher
Girls: Anne Maria, Jasmine, MK

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Chapter One
Who killed JonBenet Ramsey?
How did she die?
Those are the questions most Americans want answered.
And I can answer them.
In fact, I am one of only three people who knows the answer to the terrible question: "Who killed JonBenet Ramsey?"
And who are the other two people who know the answer?
John and Patsy Ramsey, the parents of JonBenet Ramsey
And there is a reason why we know who killed JonBenet.
Unlike other authors who have written books about the case before us, we were actually part of the Ramsey household.
Right up until the day JonBenet died.
But I also know who killed JonBenet Ramsey because I saw John and Patsy Ramsey in their private, unguarded moments. And because I took care of JonBenet as if she were my own child.
But now, because the police have failed miserably in solving the mystery of JonBenet's death, I feel that it is finally time for me to come forward and tell my story.
It is a frightening story with a terrible secret.
The secret is this:
I have no mouth and I must scream.
That's right.
I have no mouth and I must scream!
I have no mouth and yet I must scream the name of JonBenet's killer at the top of my lungs to the rest of the world.
Try to imagine what it is like to know who killed JonBenet Ramsey, and yet have no one to listen to you, or help you do anything about it. That is part of the terrible secret.
No one will help me!
Not the police.
Not the district attorney.
Not even a federal judge.
And yet I know who killed JonBenet Ramsey, just as surely as if I had been there in that dark, awful wine cellar with her and witnessed her murder.
And I will tell you what happened on that dreadful Christmas night.
If you will listen.
But before I can do that, I must briefly tell you about the only two other people who know who murdered JonBenet. They are John and Patsy Ramsey.
While working for the Ramsey family as a housekeeper, I was able to see the interaction between John and Patsy. In the fourteen months I was there, they never once showed the slightest affection for one another.
I never once saw them embrace.
I never once saw them hold hands,
I never once saw them a kiss, or hug, or use words or terms of endearment, or speak to one another with any warmth or tenderness.
Not once.
Not ever!
In fact, I don't think I've ever been around a married couple who looked so uncomfortable together. Or a couple who were as cold to one another, as these two.
There were times when I would not have been surprised to come to work and find that John and Patsy Ramsey had filed for divorce.
On one occasion, while I was working around the Ramsey house, a conversation Patsy Ramsey had with me only confirmed my suspicions that there was "trouble in paradise" in the Ramsey marriage.
Patsy confided to me that she did not enjoy having sexual relations (especially oral sex) with John.
After beating around the bush, Patsy finally asked me for help. Did I have any suggestions? She wanted to enjoy sex with John, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it.
Especially not oral sex.
Was there anything Patsy could do to keep her from thinking about his penis in her mouth and gagging on it?
Well, was there?
Patsy appeared desperate.
Was there anything she could do about the salty sour taste of John's penis, and the pubic hair that would stick in her teeth?
I was astonished.
As a mother of six children, I had never run into that problem.
Quite the contrary.
Before answering Patsy, I took a deep breath, stunned by the completely unexpected nature of Patsy's confession, thought for a minute, and then offered her the only advice a grandmother of ten children could give.
Patsy, I told her, keep thinking about how much you love John and how this is just another way of showing him your love. Make love to his penis as if you were making love to the man.
What else could I say?
Either you love the guy or you don't.
But Patsy's unhappiness and fear of John's penis did not end there. Sometime after Patsy's confession, I came upon her sobbing in the kitchen. When I asked her what was wrong, she explained that she had just spent the night crying her eyes out because John had yelled at her the day before about her being a lousy homemaker and cook. Clearly, there was more to John's anger than an uncooked meal or an unmade bed.
I suspected that the real reason behind John's outburst probably had more to do with his unsucked penis than his uncooked pot roast.
Remarkably, Patsy seemed genuinely upset by his criticism and she was more emotional than I think I have ever seen her.
Later, when appearing before the Boulder grand jury investigating the murder of JonBenet Ramsey, I spoke at length about the trouble I thought the Ramsey marriage was experiencing.
I told the grand jury that in my opinion, based on my personal observations while working for the them, I could honestly say that the Ramseys did not appear to be a happily married couple.
On the contrary, they seemed held together, like lots of other unhappy marriages, by their children.
Without their son Burke, and their daughter JonBenet, it is my belief that John and Patsy would have divorced many years ago.
I also told the grand jury that while Patsy could be kind and even thoughtful, she was one of the strangest people I have ever met.
By way of example, I told the grand jury that while cleaning out and organizing her vast number of purses - one of my tasks every Friday - Patsy took me aside and explained that she had gone to her local church, had members of her congregation pray over her, and the next day found that doctors had declared her miraculously "cured" of stage-four ovarian cancer.
But that wasn't all.
Patsy also had visions.
She confided in me that John's deceased daughter from his first marriage appeared before her to tell her that an angel was coming to cure her of cancer. Patsy believed her dead step-daughter's message was true and that the angel sent her cancer into remission, along with the help of the parishioner's of her church who had prayed over her.
But that still wasn't all.
One of the ways in which Patsy Ramsey would communicate with me was through handwritten notes, which she would leave for me with instructions for various duties around the house that needed my attention.
In the fourteen month period that I worked for the Ramseys, I was left several dozen handwritten notes by Patsy Ramsey. I am quite familiar with her handwriting, and I believe I can recognize it with very little difficulty.
I told the grand jury that since leaving the employ of the Ramseys, I had had occasion to see a copy of the ransom note found at the scene of JonBenet Ramsey's murder. It was heartbreaking for me to admit that the handwriting in the ransom note looked very much like the handwriting Patsy Ramsey used in writing her notes to me.
By way of example, Patsy made her letter "a"s very distinctively, and she would use accents over words like JonBenet and attaché, and often used initialing of words in combination, to name just a few of her many unique handwriting characteristics. Because I once felt very close to Patsy Ramsey, and regarded her with almost as much affection as a member of my immediate family, it has been hard for me to admit that I am now certain that the handwriting in the ransom note looks to me as if it was made by one and the same person.
Patsy Ramsey.
That is why I am convinced Patsy killed and then covered up the death of her daughter.
She alone is responsible.
John may have helped her to hide her crime because he had no choice, especially since she could have pointed the finger of guilt at him if he had resisted.
Perhaps I am being too cryptic. So let me tell you how I believe JonBenet was murdered.
If I were speaking to Patsy Ramsey right now, this is what I would say to her: You were spent and exhausted, weren't you? The holidays do that to people. At the party on December twenty-third you appeared a little out of sorts, perhaps because there were twenty people in the house with another twenty on the way. It was five in the afternoon, and I was on my way out the door, leaving you without help. So it's okay if you dipped deeply into the Beringer Chardonnay, your favorite wine that you kept in the walk-in refrigerator, just off the kitchen.
Holidays can be depressing. I don't blame you for being down. Your big four-oh birthday was less than a week away, you had dealt with ovarian cancer for years, and your beauty queen looks were fading. Miss West Virginia of 1977 had become a middle-aged matron. You loved JonBenet, but she was a handful, wetting the bed night after night. She was driving you crazy.
Christmas Day wasn't quiet or peaceful, either. There was pressure, lots of pressure and I wasn't there to smooth out the rough edges for you. Sure, it was picture perfect, snow on the ground, and your home was a decorator's dream. I remember helping to decorate the artifical Christmas trees, one for nearly every room in the house. Giant candy canes bordered both sides of the walk. But there were homes to visit, open houses that had to be dropped in and dropped out of, and you were expected to gather up Burke and JonBenet and have them ready to fly out at daybreak to Michigan where there was going to be a second Christmas at your lakefront vacation house. John would hire the pilot, but you were the one who had to pack and organize and get the kids dressed.
So you were weary that night, who wouldn't be? John was no help. He did what he always did - swallowed a couple of melatonin capsules and fell into a deep sleep. He wouldn't have heard a cannon go off it was next to the bed. You were still wearing the red sweater and black velvet trousers when you put JonBenet to bed Christmas night. Surprisingly - for someone who has a hundred dresses and prides herself with never wearing the same outfit twice - you were wearing that same costume when the police arrived the next day.
JonBenet wet the bed again that night, didn't she? She woke up and told you about it before you were even undressed and you simply "lost it." You took her into the bathroom. It was the same destination you always took JonBenet when it was time to punish her for bedwetting. You forget that I saw you take here there so many times before, shutting the door tightly behind you, so her screams could not be heard. Except this time there was "an accident," wasn't there? You picked up the long, black flashlight you had brought with you, and you swung it. You swung it first at her crotch and then next at her head. Maybe you meant to scare her and maybe you didn't mean to kill her, but you did.
At first you thought you had knocked her out, but then she wasn't breathing, and you felt for a pulse, but there was none.
What to do? What to do?
Well, someone else must have done this, since it certainly couldn't have been you. Right? After all, you were always a model parent. Right? At least you hoped people thought so.
All of those Tom Clancy novels were suddenly flashing through your mind as JonBenet's body lay before you. What would a clever mystery writer have his antagonist do?
Think!
They sure wouldn't have the villain lie down and take the rap for an accident. A bash in the head, after all, was too suspicious. A parent could do that. But what if JonBenet was slowly strangled, exotically, with, of all things, a garrote?
So you broke off one of your paint brushes, took the white nylon cord, and twisted it around her neck. She might have still been revived, but you didn't know it. You just pulled the cord tight around her neck until it was red.
I remember just such a cord wrapped in just such a way around a box in the basement next to where her body was found.
I remember a lot Patsy.
You kept trying to make it an exotic crime scene, didn't you? You even taped your daughter's wrists and her mouth shut, cutting the tape with a small Swiss army knife that would later be found beside her body the next day.
I remember that knife.
Burke had walked around the house whittling with it a month before, and I told you I put it up at the top of the linen closet near JonBenet's bedroom when I confiscated it from him.
Only you knew and John knew the exact location of that hideaway in the linen closet.
After you finished taping JonBenet's mouth, you carried her downstairs and hid her body in the basement inside a small hidden room - the "wine room" you called it, even though there was never any wine stored there. You then wrapped her in a favorite white blanket of hers, which you took from the dryer, except her Barbie nightgown was stuck to it because you never did have the sense to throw in a static cling strip with the wash.
So you laid the nightie next to her.
You had stored the plastic Christmas trees there, in that "wine cellar." Strange, isn't it? I had worked for you for nearly a year and I didn't even know that room existed until you had me get those trees out of there. An intruder wouldn't have found that place. Not in a million years. Only you, or John, would know it location. Your house was a 22-room rabbit warren and maze that even my husband once got lost in when he was doing some work for you.
What to do next? Well, a ransom note might be nice. It would explain why JonBenet was suddenly missing. But you forgot one thing. The handwriting and language of the note were all yours. I can hear your "voice" in the note. The word "hence," for example, was in your Christmas cards and letters and a word you liked to use in conversation. The phrase "use that good Southern common sense" is what you kidded John about, since he was anything but Southern, having been born and raised in Michigan; the phrase "fat cat" is what your mother, Nedra, used to call you after you and John became rich. The ransom demand asked that the money be put in an attaché, with a proper accent mark over the last e in attaché. I remember how careful you always were to put the proper accent mark over the e in the second syllable of JonBenet's name. The ransom note even ended with the initials SBTC. Do you remember how fond you were of using initials as abbreviations for all sorts of expressions?
Preparing the crime scene and writing the ransom note must have been time consuming and exhausting. You were up all night before you "found" the ransom note just before six a.m in the morning. You didn't even have time to change your clothes from the day before. You began screaming as soon as John had awakened and he didn't even know what had happened when you called the police. John didn't know what had happened to JonBenet when he found the body hidden in the basement.
When did you tell him?

PayPal goods/services. $5.00 shipping. Scents are kept in a dark closet. I reuse packaging and I mainly ship on the weekends, but it may go out earlier. I normally enclose an extra as well. RIS = received in swap. Direct = obtained directly from brand. Minimum $8
Bath/body (shipping will be $6)
Pretties For your Face - Cashmere Petals 2oz body mist, direct A complex blend of white grapefruit, soft bergamot, frosted pearl, French periwinkle, winter amaryllis, tea rose, cashmere shea, warm cedar, and amber musk. Tried once, $4
Miscellaneous bath/body
Goose Creek - Warm Sugar Donut lotion 8.4 oz Enjoy the sweet and savory aroma of a warm, Sugared donut. Notes - Cinnamon Sugar, Fries Dough, Vanilla Bean, Sugar. Used once, reducer cap on bottle so no direct contact with product, $3
Full sizes
BPAL Supposed to be a Pretzel 5ml Oil "… but also kinda smells like popcorn?" RIS, tried once, $16 (This was actually more of a salty floral, slightly aquatic scent to me)
Black Baccara (now Amorphous) - Pumpkin Cake 15ml edp Pumpkin cake, vanilla frosting, and caramel brûlée drizzle. RIS, slight dip, $30. (Shipping will be $6)
Epically Epic - Strawberry Grapefruit 7ml oil roller Notes as titled. RIS, a little over 3/4 full. $9
Fable and Cannon - Siren Sorbet 30ml edt (10-15% concentration), direct When the sirens wake up feeling froggy, they use this delicious sorbet to lure sailors to the depths instead... sweet tropical fruit nectar, tart berries, saltwater, and cool ozone. Tried twice, $17. (Shipping will be $6)
Hexennacht - Funhouse dram from Ajevie Weathered ipe boardwalk planks, rice krispy squares, honey-drizzled ice cream in waffle cones, kettle corn, funnel cakes, donut holes, cardamom, coconut, incense. RIS, tried once, $7
Laurel and June - Christmas Cheer 5ml edp spray, direct Honey almond, vanilla, pine needles, cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, cranberries. Tried once, $8.50
Nui Cobalt - The Bees' Carnival 5ml oil roller Like Ferris wheel lights against a twilight sky, it’s a playful arrangement of vivid notes to tickle your fancy. Cotton candy spun from crystallized honey, fresh leaves of lemon verbena, blue raspberry drizzle, and a grounding smolder of sweet myrrh. Wear to encourage frivolity, relieve tension, and restore your sense of humor. Fill slightly below top of label, has Nui Cobalt rollerball top, $15
Pulp Fragrance - Bedsheet Ghost 4.5ml oil roller, direct via Ajevie Crisp freshly-ironed white sheets & a pumpkin pail full of Halloween candy, over a haunted honey musk base. Tried twice, $18
Sixteen92 -Party at the Moon Tower 6ml oil White cupcakes with popping candy frosting, spiked punch, faded sunscreen, lake breeze, a distant Summer bonfire. RIS, slight dip, fill still above label, $14
Stereoplasm - Ballroom Cat 3.4 ml oil roller, direct Hot pink organza, French 75, fuchsia, grapefruit, designer leather. Tried once, $10 (I put a home made small label on the front of the bottle with the name, due to the new bottles missing the names)
Stereoplasm - Crinoline 5.5ml oil roller, direct Linen extrait de parfum, ash lye, blue lace macaron,.white tea, hazelnut truffle, peppermint, almond petit fours. Tried once, $15 (I put a home made small label on the front of the bottle with the name, due to the new bottles missing the names)
Sugar and Spite - Funeral Biscuits 3.7ml dram Butter cookies dotted with mint, and dipped in sweet cream. RIS, tried once, $5
Samples - will be tried once, unless otherwise noted
Fae-Tal Attraction Perfumery - Marshmallow Snow 2ml oil sample, direct Strawberries and snowflakes made of marshmallow fluff, treading softly through the woods, this is a sweet treat for the senses that, like Goldilocks' favorite, is juuuuust right. It's deep, velvety and lush, and perfect for any weather. Fir Balsam Absolute, Marshmallow, Amyris Wood, and Ylang Ylang. Tried once, $5.
Fantome - Kuidaore 1.5ml edp sample Fried pastry dough, fluffy vanilla cream filling, a dusting of matcha powder. RIS, tried once, $6
Laurel and June - Winter Woods 2ml edp spray sample, direct Soft spruce, myrrh, frankincense, winter berries. Never tried, $3
Lovesick Witchery - Star Girl 2ml glass vial with spray cap sample Notes of milk, creamy vanilla, rice pudding, marshmallow fluff, sugar, amber, and white musk. Tried once, $4.
Lovesick Witchery - Pink Lipstick 2ml glass vial with spray cap sample Notes of orange cream pops, sugar, vanilla bean, heliotrope, oats, pink velvet, whipped tonka, gilded amber, and fluffy pink musk. Tried once, $4
Stereoplasm - Clean Weather Girl 1.3 ml oil roller, direct Vanilla, coconut, bergamot, Sicilian lemon, orange blossom. Tried once, $5 (I put a home made small label on the front of the bottle with the name, due to the new bottles missing the names)
Stereoplasm new (never tried) 0.5ml doll samples - $3 each, or can do all 3 for $8)
In Pace in Fiora - Bougainvillea, wisteria covered stone walls, green leaves, blossoming black locust tree, sun-baked sampietrini, orange blossom honey, a cotton dress.
Hyacinthian - Dry blackberry, dirty black leather, incense, old stone, stone salt, ylang ylang
Wilde - Sugared black plums, scorching brandy, clove, a dollop of spiced vanilla cream, spilled ink, sharp wit, lingering cologne.

Here we are on the day that started it all, a year ago I did a small review on the Jay and Mikey Show’s first episode: The Boys Go To War.
It wasn’t that good, and had one decent joke but after the series ended, I didn’t do a review for the rest of the summer. Then Dhar shadow announced four series’s all of which I covered along with a few more series.
My style of jokes, recapping, and serialized reviews would improve over time, I say the reviews that cemented my style were Mischief Mikey Season 1, primarily the episode where Mikey lies about a bomb to get out of a test.
But one year later, I have a video that will blow your mind out the water, Girl Finds Out She’s Adopted. This remains Dhar’s only proper feature length video and his longest by far since the Christmas film is a combination of a few other videos.
I doubt Dhar will go through the trouble and budget to make another feature film but one must digress. After a teaser a few days before, the film aired live in two parts during Dhar’s second and last Thanksgiving Special along with Carl Jude’s last video.
It had a big premiere event as well and holds the biggest cast in a Dhar Mann video. They even darkened the video so we know this is a movie.
Without further deliberation, let’s dive in. We start with a candle being lit upon a 15, a mother and father, played by Katherine Norland and Colin Borden go to wake up their kid upon their 15th birthday.
The daughter is named Sabrina and is played by professional cryer, Sofia Serna, funny how only one of those three actors I mentioned still commonly shows up in videos. Apparently these parents want to celebrate the 15th at midnight with a cake.
A bit early for celebration if you ask me, let the kid sleep. Also 16 is a way more important milestone than 15 but Sofia was 15 when this came out so let’s move on. She also shares a birthday with Elon Musk, Henry VIII, and even fucking Markiplier which I just found out when checking her age.
Her rude ass parents crash in with a birthday serenade at midnight, not like I can eat a fucking cake and sleep right after can I? She also has school making this midnight caking even dumber if she’s getting up at seven in the morning.
Mom tells Sabrina that she has something to tell her, which bad timing, I know the parents wanted to tell her on her 15th, but this is just a bad time.
You know what is about to be said but telling your kid she’s adopted at this time at night isn’t good, she isn’t going to get much sleep.
Sabrina laughs it off as the gravity sets in, the truth is clear as day despite the lack of day. She’s in tears already with only three minutes of runtime. Sofia only seems to be the crying girl, crying and being sad isn’t really enough to be a good actor, Sofia has the emotions to bring out a good performance but yelling loudly, crying, and looking sad isn’t enough.
You have to feel the emotions of the moment to truly understand the gravity of this truth bomb, she gets the sadness before a single line trips her into anger without much buildup. Is it wrong for me to hate on a child actor? No, because I am a year younger than her.
The parents refuse to let her meet her biological parents as Crying Girl dips into anger, I get not wanting to let her meet them, but telling her that parents are criminals, yeah they are big shock.
If they just told her that her bio parents were criminals and couldn’t raise her, we wouldn’t have a movie now would we? And Dad saying “We didn’t lie, we just didn’t tell you” isn’t really helping either.
She goes into packing her shit as Colin sounds pissed, Kathrine also gives a great performance which I’ll go into later. Crying Girl is all about how they don’t share blood and Dad retorts with the message that family doesn’t require blood but love.
Am I annoyed this movie reused a message Dhar had used multiple times when this came out? Yes, yes I am. Crying Girl is trying to move out with no information as Mon tries her best to kill the conflict.
Crying Girl screams for them to get out, I don’t imagine this kind of reaction to adoption reveal but this is a movie so I’ll relax on that front.
We also see that the cake eating, reveal, and shouting match took up all of 20 minutes on the dot as she slams the picture of her parents dramatically she can put it back up at the end.
She posts to her instagram that she feels alone before getting a call from her Token Black Friend played by Brianni Walker. Weird seeing her here along with Colin after both were apart the protests but hey one must see some nostalgia from this older Dhar era.
Crying Girl tells Token Black Friend that she’s already sent in a DNA despite it still being the same night and we can’t just have a movie of her waiting six weeks. Token Black suggests she search her attic for potential papers as Token Black Friend hangs up.
It’s time for some sneaking, so it’s actually time for false tension baby! How she is able to get into the loud ass freaking attic without waking her people that adopted her up is beyond me.
Mom tries to go and talk things out so the conflict is over but is stopped by Dad. I know I’ve done nothing but give Kathrine Norland shit for the past year but honestly the real reason was her characters’ writing.
She does an amazing job here as she grapples with the emotions as the middle ground of the conflict. I have more to say later so let’s head back to the attic.
With Crying Girl making a bunch of noise with an old toy, we cut to see the parents immediately asleep following that conversation we just saw second ago.
Crying Girl finally strikes gold with a folder labeled “Important Documents” and a book with a hidden compartment with some old childhood pictures reminding her of the message.
Soon she finds the old slip she’s looking for, the papers are clear as day as we cut to day. Token Black Friend is shown the birth certificates.
It appears Crying Girl has found her father only 17 minutes in, Darius Mulgannon, with a name like that can you be surprised he’s in prison? Token Black loudly yells about him being in jail which get prepared for that joke being run into the ground.
The bio mom’s name is Candy Johnson as Token Black Friend loudly yells that she’s going to jail as a teacher walks by. He’s played by Sean Harris as they pretend to be acting which he buys somehow. There was a play last week as apparently he’s trying to get another play up and running already.
Talk about short rehearsal times between shows, but Dhar knows nothing of high school theater. Crying Girl’s plan to get into said prison is simple, emotional manipulation.
She spots a prison guard with his family and he’s played by Johnnie Mack. So she goes into a crying mood again as she creates a story about visiting her dad every year and being unable as her mom is sick.
This story works perfectly so I guess this guard is newly employed. Darius is a little shocked to learn his kid is visiting as it’s clear he’s probably been around as we later learn.
Darius is played by Daniel Salas, and he’s the best character probably because he doesn’t give two shits about the plot. Crying Girl tries to get the info out of him as Darius’s first reaction is that kid’s come by to ask for money from this imprisoned guy.
Crying Girl hoped he be excited as this harden criminal was expected to be a doting father. We then learn that the bio mom used a fake name on the birth certificate to avoid law enforcement.
Why didn’t Darius use a pseudonym either as he makes it clear that this search isn’t going to end well as her birth mom didn’t want her. Asking this guy who’s been locked up for years for info is crazy but thankfully she has an older sister.
With the name Bella, she does the easy thing that one is to do in this situation, find her personal address and info online. All the while woman who adopted her tries to leave some food.
Who learn Thanksgiving is tomorrow as the timeline is really weird. So it starts at midnight on Crying Girl’s 15th birthday, that night she finds her birth certificate and the following morning she says she visiting her dad later implying that it’s the same day.
In America we often have Thanksgiving break starting in the day before Thanksgiving meaning it makes no sense why she be at school the same day she visits her dad and finds out the truth about her adoption.
We are only half way done as Crying Girl just happens upon her sister’s address. Can I get a… bullshit?
You can’t just go tip tap typing and find an address without deep diving straight into the dark web. With plenty of viruses to boot, Token Black Friend puts the idea into Crying Girl’s head that bio mom gave her up and kept her sister.
Did she forget that her mother is a harden criminal with multiple names and false identities? Why assume she has a child with her? Woman who adopted her gets her name changed in her phone as Crying Girl is doubling down on this hunt.
Token Black Friend joins in on how this doesn’t seem like a good idea as Crying Girl literally just rolls up upon this mansion with no plan or way to get in legally.
She’s stumbling over her words, over correcting, and trying to come up with a story to get the maid to let her in. She didn’t plan for this? Well I get her not knowing her sister is an adult as we meet her fiancé. He doesn’t matter.
We eventually see Sister’s Woman who adopted her, IE: Her mom. As we get a pan shot, Sister’s Mom should know about her bullshit as she actually does. Yeah, she isn’t an idiot.
Once fiancé is gone, she goes into question her. Sister’s Mom is played by regular Amanda Klein as Sister is played by newcomer Kelsey Lee Smith. To my knowledge is her only role in Dhar Mann, correct me if I’m wrong but it feels weird to see a newcomer who never shows up again to get such an important role.
Back to chewing out the child, she goes into the questioning before throwing her out without answering a question. She’s caught in the lie as Sister shows up and exposes her.
Crying Girl does what she does best and cries before revealing the familial connection, she believes Sister’s mom is her mom despite criminal record with fake names and mansion ownership not really lining up.
Fiancé is calling for her as Sister pulls her out, we learn what I mentioned earlier as Sister feels a little guilty for kicking her out.
Sister herself was adopted and really doesn’t want her fiancé to know for some reason. She’s also expecting a child by now as Crying Girl tries to mention how she’s lying to her lover but she’s a hypocrite who gets called out.
Apparently Bio Mom visited only to ask for money, and she makes it clear that it isn’t a good idea despite giving her the address. Her real name is Sasha Whitlock, and is the third person to tell her that this isn’t a good idea.
We also learn that she’s been gone from her home all day as Man who adopted her downplays how their kid is missing. I’m with Woman who adopted her on this situation, if your kid is out of the house in the middle of metropolitan California then I’d be freaking out too.
Kathrine doesn’t get enough credit for this performance, Colin does great with what he’s given but Kathrine really shows the emotions of a parent in distress. For Dhar’s most loyal actress, you think he give her better roles.
I don’t respect Kathrine as a person for siding with Dhar, but I won’t say she isn’t a great actress.
So Crying Girl visits skid row and knocks only to be asked if she has drugs. Birth Mom is played by Nerisa Tedesco who decided to play an evil bio mom before playing all those evil foster mom roles.
This typecast of Dhar’s is kinda rude, why does Nerisa play all these terrible mom roles? I guess it’s because she looks mean and a little nasty, talk about dick move.
It turns out we’ve wasted the past 40 minutes searching for this woman as she’s demeaning, rude, likes oranges, etc.
Bio mom is really stupid, guess it’s from all the drugs since she asks if this child is a cop, or if she has pills, and pronounced Target as “Tar-Je” then she just up and leaves Crying Girl alone and without a phone.
Gee I wonder what message Crying Girl realizes while alone with thoughts. We cut back to the people who adopted her as we get a classy “we can’t declare her missing because it hasn’t been 24 hours”
I swear man who adopted her is far too nonchalant for this kind of situation. Cut back to Crying Girl as her bio mom returns high, she questions Crying Girl if she ate her orange despite eating it in an earlier scene.
Bio mom shuts her down again and outright admits to giving her up for adoption. Wow Dhar, I see a message you already have shown in less than ten minutes took 50 minutes here, I’m happy to have wasted my time here.
So Crying Girl decides to get her phone back as woman who adopted her is calling. So she leaves, not before changing her name back to mom in the phone.
We cut back to home as this is kinda Dad’s fault, had he just let Mom tell her the truth about her criminal parents none of this could have happened!
This entire film could have been avoided! I’ve wasted far more than an hour here typing this damn review! Whatever, Crying girl returns to apologize and repeat the message about family not calling just for blood, it calls for SACRIFICE!
We also see Sister went through an offscreen arc about accepting your past or something and explaining how she told her fiancé about said past.
Of course he was understanding, what were you expecting? She welcomed her to visit since she told her not it come back in that earlier scene which I just skipped over.
They invite her to have some dinner with some classy hospitality, Crying Girl is happy and content so she posts a new photo to her story showing how we all went full circle.
Oh and she puts her family picture back up because it wouldn’t be a share adoption video without it.
We see Token Black Friend being happy upon seeing the story as our time together comes to an end. Or does it?
Because we get three mid credit scene based on theee off hand lines, one I mentioned and one I didn’t.
First is of Ayden Mekus visiting Darius and asking for money just to get laughed at, a lot of stupid characters in this story.
Second is bio mom getting her already eaten orange eaten by her partner because funny?
Third is Token Black at her birthday guess her presents, how her family hasn’t realized she’s been looking in the attic by now is beyond me.
Then it’s over, well I went into this with not much expectations and came out with none of them filled. Some of the acting is kinda good, but a few good or decent performances isn’t enough to save bad writing.
Not to mention very little thought went into the writing process, the plot has several opportunities to stop in its tracks so they steer clear of those smarter and more level headed options.
I get avoided revealing her bio parents didn’t want her, but just say they are criminals who couldn’t raise her. The fundamentals of the plot and the setup we are given would have to be drastically different since this film is just a longer version of the family isn’t about blood but love message.
So I must do what I always do, what is my final score to this film which has a shit title. After much thought, I have this rating, 3/10. There’s not much you can expect from a film that refuses to take the smart option and forces itself to continue.
Well that’s it, one year of celebratory reviews in a row. I’m shocked what was to be a one off has blown out into a trend. Not to mention to common use of Fart Bucket as a nickname has gotten so popular even Dhar used it in a short.
As for the road ahead, well I might take a break, I’m not quitting at all but after six straight reviews it probably be for the best to let the over saturation of reviews die down.
I want to thank you for reading these reviews for the past years and for participating in the poll. Leave your thoughts on this review and the video in the comments, and Thank you.

Consider offering your guests shots when you need to spice up your party, whether you provide them one at a time or as part of a game.
There are different types of shot drinks for you to choose from, guaranteed to get the party started. Here are different types of shot drinks you can serve at your next gathering!

Pina Colada

If you're looking for something fruity and fun, this type of shot drink is hard to beat. A traditional pina colada uses white rum, pineapple juice, and coconut cream, and it can be served in a coconut or pineapple-shaped glass as a bonus.
Pro tip: Skip ice if you want your frozen drink to be slightly diluted (we're not judging). You can opt for equal parts alcohol and liquid ingredients. Serve in cocktail glasses rimmed with sugar or salt.
Whether you like your tropical smooth or on the rocks, we think you'll love our take on one of the summer's most popular shots—but don't take our word for it!

Strawberry Daiquiri

Start your party off with a fun drink everyone will love. This type of shot drink is excellent for every occasion, and it's also a simple drink that everyone can make. It's perfect for summertime or when you have friends over at home.
You can also add different fruits, like blueberries if you want something even tastier. To get started making your own Strawberry Daiquiri. Take one part white rum and two parts sugar syrup (equal parts sugar and water).
Fresh strawberries and shaved ice in a cocktail shaker with a few dashes of lime juice will also be added. Shake up your mixture and pour over more ice in a rock glass before serving. You can get your different types of hot drinks as simple as that!

Classic Jagermeister

You may have had a few different types of hot drinks back in college, like Jager bombs. But you're likely going to want something more elegant than Red Bull and blue curacao once you reach adulthood. This type of shot drink is as simple as it gets.
Drop a sugar cube into your jager and let it dissolve. For an extra kick, light your jager on fire before drinking; (Nb: avoid doing shots if you plan on driving.)

Singapore Sling

This traditional drink is made with cherry brandy, Benedictine, and gin. It originated in Raffles Hotel Singapore during a period of British colonial rule. This shot drink was initially invented as a hangover cure, unlike the other different types of hot beverages.
The drinks' cherries came from Sir Stamford Raffles, founder of Singapore, and he brought them back from Malacca (Malaysia), where they are native.
However, his original recipe for it has been lost. If you know your history, please put that information into context. Thanks!

Bazooka Joe

A Banana, whipped cream, and vanilla ice cream are served with a gumball (Also known as Bananarama). A shooter shot with 1/2 oz Banana Liqueur, and 1/2 oz White Crème de Cacao. With two scoops of Vanilla Ice Cream. Shooters should be enjoyed responsibly and in moderation.
It will get you moving for sure! You can consume these shot drinks that are best consumed while playing twister on your living room floor!

Jack and Coke

As America's favorite whiskey and soda, Jack and Coke is one shot that's sure to please. Suppose you like your drinks a little on the sweet side. You can try adding a few extra ounces of cola (which also lightens it up).
It doesn't have quite as strong a bite as some other options. If you're trying out different types of hot drinks for the first time, this could be a good starter. For a bonus, make sure you don't add ice—the lack of dilution makes it more robust than it looks!
Finally, take it up another notch without watering down your drink too much. You can consider adding an ounce or two of 151-proof rum.

Shamrock

It is a traditional shot drink, usually done for St. Patrick's Day. It is a combination of Midori Melon Liqueur and Bailey's Irish Cream.
One-third Midori, one-third Bailey's, and one-third Green Crème de Menthe, or Grenadine (sweet syrup) are poured into a shot glass.
The name comes from how you must shake it before drinking it: shamrock. These different types of shot drink colors are unique, and it's green on top, white in the middle, and red on the bottom.

PB&J (Shaken Shot)

2 oz. Chocolate Liqueur, 2 oz. Peanut Butter Liqueur, 3 oz. Orange Juice, Ice, and Whipped Cream for garnish. Use a shaker and blender with ice.
You blend all ingredients until smooth before pouring them into shot glasses. Then rim your glass with peanut butter and sugar.
And turning it upside down in an orange juice glass to dip gives it a fantastic taste. Also called a Wham Bam or a Bam Bam! This is an excellent different type of hot drink.
It tastes like you spent hours making it (which you did) but takes only seconds to prepare!

Spicy Pineapple Shot

This type of shot drink is as good for you as delicious, unlike many other different types of hot drinks. Served in a small glass, add just a splash of Bacardi 151-proof rum and fill it with pineapple juice.
Then top it with fresh slices of jalapeno pepper. Be careful – you can't taste precisely how spicy they are! Warning: The natural heat here comes from both ends, first in your mouth with that hot pepper flavor and then – surprise! — at the end, you get a little burn from all that liquor.

Blue Kamikaze

This type of shot drink is made by mixing one part vodka, 1 part blue curacao, and two parts sweet and sour mix. Pour ingredients over ice cubes in a shot glass—drop shot into a collins glass filled with beer and serve.

Young Puss

11⁄2 ounces peach schnapps, 1⁄2 ounce melon liqueur.One tablespoon orange juice, dash grenadine syrup. Shake with ice; strain into a shot glass, and serve chilled.

Merry Gorilla

Two-ounce banana-flavored rum, 1⁄4 ounce coconut-flavored rum (or 1⁄2 ounce dark rum). Also, one scoop of vanilla ice cream or frozen yogurt, 11⁄2 ounces pineapple juice. Blend well with crushed ice in blender; pour into shooter glasses.

BMW (Shaken Shot)

The BMW shot is made with Jägermeister, Bacardi 151 Rum, and Red Bull. A BMW contains about as much alcohol as a six-pack, according to Business Insider.

Lumpy Dumpy (Shaken Shot)

The Lumpy Dumpling is made with Bailey's Irish Cream, Kahlúa, and a splash of Coca-Cola. These different types of hot drinks will leave you feeling dazed and confused—in other words, lumpy dumplings! The Irish cream should help counteract any nausea from consuming such large amounts of alcohol in one sitting.

Butterball

Liquor is dropped into a hot glass of black butter. It quickly separates into yellow fat (the drink) and brownish-gray scum (the bull). The scum is chased with a spoon.
Toby Maloney invented these different types of shot drinks at Chicago's Violet Hour bar. The name comes from its appearance—it looks like turkey gravy—and also because it kicks like one.

Cement Mixer

This combination tastes like a sweet, fruity version of Jägermeister—with a kick. Mix equal parts orange juice and Malibu coconut rum for this type of shot drink. Consequently, you can use these proportions for different shot drinks you prefer.
One part rye whiskey, two parts fresh lemon juice, and 1 part orange juice. Put them all in a cocktail shaker with ice, then add one scoop of vanilla ice cream.
Shake vigorously (or blend) until well mixed, then strain into two shot glasses through a fine-mesh strainer. Enjoy! It tastes just like Cement Mixer!

Chocolate Cake (Shaken Shot)

This shot drink is made with Irish cream and brown crème de cacao, and it's topped with whipped cream and chocolate cake sprinkles. Furthermore, the Ingredients are 2 oz. Bailey's Irish cream liqueur; 1 oz. crème de cacao (dark chocolate).
For the whipped cream, chocolate cake sprinkles. Instructions: Pour Bailey's Irish Cream into a glass and top with Crème de Cacao. Garnish it with a swirl of whipped cream and sprinkles.

Flaming Dr. Pepper (Bomb Shot)

This type of shot drink is made by dropping a flaming Dr. Pepper bomb into a pint glass filled with beer. If that sounds difficult, it's because it is.
Getting both lit and in place without extinguishing your drink or starting an unfortunate conflagration takes practice.
It's worth it, though. However, once you pop open a flaming drink, you can use that same fire for many other shots (see below). However, you get a different type of shot drink taste!

Flaming Jägermeister

Once you get started doing flaming shots, you can do lots of fun things with them. This shot involves dropping a single full Jägermeister shot into a pint glass filled with beer. Lighting it on fire and then chugging away before all of your alcohol burns off.

Four Horsemen

Many Americans recognize that Four Horsemen is also an excellent different type of shot drink. Moreover, these four drinks are made with Tequila, Jagermeister, Rumple Minze, and peppermint schnapps—and they're ready for action! They're easy to prepare.
To make it easy on yourself:

1. Try making them in layers.
2. Mix a couple of tablespoons of each shot into equal parts (by volume) of cream liqueur and sour mix.
3. Top each glass off with cola or root beer and stir it.

You can rim your glasses with salt or sugar, but it's optional!

Irish Car Bomb

This recipe is for one shot and has quite a bit going on. This shot drink is made by placing Irish whiskey, Bailey's Irish Cream, and Jameson in a pint glass. Therefore, you dropped them into a cup of coffee.
The coffee works as an accelerant to make all three ingredients pour more quickly. Better than if they were just run individually. A spoon is used to stir until it's evenly mixed.
Lastly, add whipped cream with a sprinkle of cinnamon on top for extra flair. This, however, creates different types of hot drinks!

Jolly Rancher

This candy-inspired shot includes vodka, are ̀me de Menthe, and Irish cream liqueur. Trust us. This is one you won't want to miss. (via The Tipsy Bartender) First off, these are shots, not a drink!
There are no mixers involved, and it's just straight liquor poured into a glass with some flavoring agent or sweetener. And they have shot drinks! Shots can be sweet or sour, transparent or opaque.
It can have different liquors depending on what flavor profile you're going for, even though there is no limit to creating different types of shot drinks flavors.
You make sure your liquids don't contain any additives, preventing them from being consumed quickly (such as water).

Red Snapper

It's not a fish! The red snapper is one type of shooter. This type of shot drink starts with one shot of Bacardi 151 (the most substantial variety).
Followed by 1 shot each from amaretto, blue curacao, creme de banana, Jagermeister, and Tuaca. While known for being potent, these different types of shot drinks don't taste as strong as you would think.

Lime Drop

A lime drop shot is made by adding equal parts water and sugar syrup, 1/2 oz. Vodka, and 2 tsp. Lime juice. The mixture is then shaken over ice and into a shot glass before it's garnished with a wedge of lime.
Depending on your preference, it can also be served straight up without mixing. Suppose you want to mix things up even more.
Attempt making a Watermelon Lime Drop by replacing some or all of the water in your recipe with watermelon juice! These different hot drink types will give you an entirely new flavor perfect for summertime parties.
Conclusion
So whether you're looking for something substantial, sweet, fruity, or alcoholic, these different types of shot drinks are all delicious ways to get your party started. And if you don't have any alcohol on hand? No worries—these recipes will still make a great party drink. Enjoy!

So, I've read through many posts looking for a system for my recipes. I am wondering what you would do different as far as categories. I have;
Appetizers/Dips, Bar Cookies, Beef, Beverages, Breads/Rolls, Breakfast, Cakes, Candy/Fudge, Casseroles, Chicken/Poultry, Cookies/Balls, Crusts/Dough, Desserts, Ethnic, Fish/Seafood, Frostings/Glazes, Gravies/Sauces, Holiday, Home Remedies, Jellies/Jams, Marinades/Seasonings, Misc, Muffins/Biscuits, Pasta, Pastry/Doughnuts, Pickles/Brines, Pies/Tarts, Pizzas, Pork/Ham, Potatoes, Quiches, Rice Dishes, Salads -Veg/Dessert, Sandwiches, Sides, Soups/Chili, Vegetables, Veggie Dishes
I am trying to get away from sub categories.

Boys: Chase, Justin, Ripper, Topher
Girls: Anne Maria, Jasmine, MK
Episode 17: Holy MK-oly!
“Last time on Total Drama Action! It was every dude and dudette for themselves, as the teams were busted up. But that didn't stop the Gaffers from forming an alliance between themselves.”
“Chase wowed everybody with his fancy footwork during the first spy challenge and managed to save everybody with a bit of assistance from Jasmine.”
“The cast made it out of a fake exploding building, but failed to defuse some serious stink bombs, forcing them to de-stink in tomato juice baths. I love my job.”
“In the end, Topher and Chase got the fabulous reward - a trip to the local stinky cheese factory!”
"Will the former Grips manage to keep things together?" Chris asked as the screen split into a three-way, Justin against brown on the left, Anne Maria against orange in the middle, and Topher against red on the right. "Or will the Gaffers’ alliance self-destruct first?" The ex-Grips were replaced with a quarters split with MK and Chase on top against gold and purple; Ripper and Jasmine below against green and blue.
"All this on today's episode of Total! Drama! Action!"
(Theme Song)
The scene opened up at night as the three remaining girls exited the craft services tent with cheese in their arms.
"Wow, this is some fine gouda!" Anne Maria told Jasmine and MK after taking a bite out of a hunk of cheese. "I have to give thanks to Topher for gettin' me some."
"The gouda is nothing compared to the gruyère that Chase got me!" MK said before stuffing her mouth. “Your boyfriend needs to put my tastes into consideration.”
"You didn't even care about the gruyère until you tasted it," Anne Maria argued. "And if you diss Topher again, I'm ripping holes into your hat."
"You wouldn't dare!" MK countered with faux shock. "That hat means more to me than your weekly tans in the sun."
"That's enough out of you two!" Jasmine stopped the argument. “We are nearing the end of the game, and petty squabbles should be the last thing to think about right now!”
"Not my fault," Anne Maria scoffed. "Diminutive here doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut!"
The scene flashed to the guys’ trailer. "I got you your cheese, guys," Topher said as the camera cut to the inside, Ripper, Justin, and Chase seated in front of a table of cheese and Topher standing far away from them. "Now hurry up with eating them so I don't have to smell them for the rest of the night!"
“How were you able to handle the cheese factory if you can't stand the smell?” Ripper asked, taking a bite out of a chunk of swiss cheese.
“I brought nose plugs with me in order to make the trip tolerable to my scent,” Topher explained.
“Who knew a tour of a cheese factory could make you smell so bad?” Justin stated.
“Me and Topher took plenty of showers after coming back so we wouldn't have to deal with any complaining,” Chase said.
"One of the boys has to go next. Obviously," Anne Maria told MK and Jasmine as they brushed their teeth in the communal bathroom.
“They do outnumber us by just one, so we'll take your words into consideration,” Jasmine said.
"I hear you," MK said as she spat in the sink. "Guys are cutthroat."
The camera flashed to Chris getting a massage from what could be assumed to be Chef. "The views of the contestants of Total Drama Action do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this network or parent company. They may, but not necessarily," he said in a calm voice before chuckling.
The boys were shown sitting laying on their bunk beds. "Did everybody finish their cheese?" Topher asked the others. "I don't want the ladies to complain about our smell."
"Of course we did," Chase said. “We're not going to be the next Pepé le Pew.”
The camera flashed back to the girls as MK and Anne Maria laid on their beds while Jasmine stood next to the door.
"So what do you wanna do?" Jasmine asked Anne Maria.
"We need a plan," Anne Maria replied. "We have to vote off a boy and soon."
"That's more of a goal than a plan," Jasmine commented.
"That's not the goal," Anne Maria replied with a short laugh. "The goal is and will always be-"
"The million dollars," the three girls said at once.
“Good night, girls!” Jasmine waved them goodbye and exited the trailer in order to sleep on her tree.
The shot cut back outside, a chorus of crickets and frogs heard in the background as the camera panned up to the full moon and faded forward into the morning sun. A high-pitched scream heralded another scene change as Chef Hatchet was shown in a pink floral nightgown, tied up and dangling from a rope above a street.
"Let go of me already!" Topher demanded as Chase forcibly dragged him to where the rest of the cast had already gathered, all of them in their nightwear.
"Why'd we have to come all the way out here?" Chase asked as Topher removed his sleeping mask.
"And why's Chef dangling over there?" Anne Maria added, looking up at the tied-up man.
A short drumroll opened up a more engagingly dramatic muscial piece as the camera cut to what was obviously Chris McLean standing atop a nearby building in a familiar-looking cape and cowl. With a floodlight at his back and a rope around his waist, he dived gracefully off the roof. A 'flying' sound effect accompanied a shot of him swinging towards the camera, and he soon snatched Chef to freedom. The pair continued to swing upward thanks to the host's rope, but it soon reached its peak length. Chris' costume flew off him and the smiles faded from their faces as the rope snapped, and they fell to the street with a shout.
"I knew that bungee wouldn't hold!" Chris yelled angrily, his hair completely messed up as he stood up off of Chef. "That's what happens when production cheaps out! And now my hair is all mussed up!" Chef stood up beside him with a dazed expression.
"Excuse me," Topher interrupted indignantly, "but can you get to the point and tell us what's going on?"
"When! I! Feel! Like! It!" Chris answered angrily, getting in his face and smoothing part of his hair with each word. He paused for a moment afterward as he and Topher stared at one another. "And now," he finally said, "I feel like it!"
A soft but appropriately grand tune began to build as me made his next announcement. "Today's challenges are inspired by the superhero flick!"
"Today's challenges?" Jasmine repeated in disbelief.
"We haven't even brushed our teeth yet!" Chase added.
“Or eaten breakfast!” Ripper added as well.
"Why do you enjoy making us compete so early in the morning?" MK growled.
"Evil never sleeps," Chris countered matter-of-factly, "and neither will you! Besides, superheroes don't do the things of mere mortals! They have screaming ladies to rescue!" Chef was shown fanning himself in mock exhilaration as the host spoke.
"Actually, there are some superheroes and supervillains that are mere mortals," Ripper interrupted. "Owlman and Leader Brazil for the heroes, and Screwball and Full Deck for the villains. Those are just a couple of examples," he rattled off confidently. The camera suddenly pulled out to show the others staring at him questioningly, causing him to look at them and shrug. "What? The only things that I'm genuinely interested in reading are comic books."
"And how would you like it if you had to go toe-to-toe with any of those guys, hmm?" Chris asked pointedly, and got no answer in return. "Yeah, that's what I thought. There are three things intrinsic to all good superhero movies," he said as the music began again. "One: superheroes have super powers. Two: superheroes save people. And my personal favorite, three: superheroes wear tights. Which means," he said as Ripper, Anne Maria, Jasmine, and Justin watched, "you will all be wearing," he paused to laugh, "teensy-tiny tights!" The contestants immediately began to protest.
"Why are you all in your PJs?" Chris asked with a scowl. "Get dressed and meet me back on set at superhero speed. Which means, you should already be back here!" He laughed again before calling "And make sure to wear something that goes with brightly-hued spandex!"
The scene flashed to MK, Jasmine, and Chase walking together in the background. “With all the cheese that was given to us, I think I know which superhero I'm going to be,” Ripper told the three as he walked past them in the foreground.
Confessional: Ripper
"Cheese can build up a lot of muscle, which comes in handy if I want to punch anyone in the face should they cross me," Ripper told the confessional camera with a piece of cheese in his hand. “Plus, it's also part of dairy, and if I load up too much on dairy, I can create a smell that can ward off anybody," he snickered and swallowed his cheese.
Confessional: Chase
“I've always fantasized about being a superhero,” Chase confessed. “Just imagine me riding on my bike or skateboard and kicking butt with my karate skills. My preferred choice of weapon? A bo staff, but not a wooden one. Those tend to snap easily.”
Confessionals End
The shot moved to the former Grips, who were also walking together.
"I talked with Jasmine and MK about voting for the boys, you two not included," Anne Maria whispered to Topher and Justin.
"The Gaffers are in an alliance, possibly," Justin replied, "but with four boys and three girls currently here, me and Topher can talk to Ripper and Chase about voting for one of the girls. That way, they'll think that we'll be targeting the girls when instead, we're targeting them."
“I had no idea you could think that much,” Topher said in amazement.
“A near-death experience can change a man, Topher,” Justin reminded him. “Once you've lost everything, there's nothing left to lose except the money.”
Confessional: Topher
"I can kinda relate to Justin here," Topher said. "I thought a splinter and swollen eye would be damaging to me, but I managed to recover."
Confessional Ends
A tenser tune played over a long-distance shot of the film lot as the camera zoomed in on the cityscape in the top left beyond the amphitheatre, and the scene cut to the fully-clothed castmates standing between Chris, a line of sewing machines, and a few bins of cloth.
"For your first challenge," the host announced, "each of you will create your own superhero identity."
"Sweet!" Ripper smiled.
"You'll make your own superhero costume using nothing but your fertile imagination," Chris continued, seemingly on the brink laughter, "and tons of spandex!" A close-up of the bins of spandex rolls was shown before a beeping brought the camera's focus to a dump truck backing up to the host. It dumped a load of miscellaneous stuff on the ground, and Chris added "And some other junk! You'll be judged on originality and style of costume, how rocking your superpower is, and how cool your superhero name is! Top score wins an advantage in the next round and invincibility from tonight's elimination. Chef will, of course, play the supervillain, which let's face it, won't be much of a stretch."
A green-and-yellow circular logo of snake's head spun rapidly into the foreground, then retreated into a tilted still of what was obviously a costumed Chef Hatchet and tabby cat set against a background of radial green stripes. The big man was dressed head to toe in green spandex, with the same circular snake logo on his chest and a similarly-themed fanged cowl. The cat merely wore a simple green mask, and was bearing his front claws.
"Meet, Pythonicus!" the host announced. "And his sidekick kitty, Dander Boy! They will sabotage you at every turn." Dander Boy meowed and scratched the air.
"Any questions?" Chris asked as the footage cut back to him. All seven castmates rose their hands. "No? Perfect! Aaaannnd, action!"
"I call dibs on that one!" MK yelled immediately as she dashed towards a roll of red spandex.
"Hey, I wanted that!" Chase interrupted, going for the same roll.
Confessional: MK
"That color would have looked better on me," MK explained, "but I have to stay on Chase's good side if I want him to not suspect me."
Confessional Ends
"Okay, it's yours!" MK told Chase with a smile, relinquishing her grasp on the roll of red. Chase cast her a stunned glance, then turned and ran away.
The Pythonicus logo spun up through the screen again, and as it did a piece of music reminiscent of a cheesy 1960s superhero TV show. A montage began of the costumed supervillain interfering with the contestants' challenge, beginning with Jasmine as she carefully measured what looked to be a green shirt and tights on a table in front of the sewing machines. A quick-pan to the left showed Pythonicus lurking at the end of the row of sewing machines; he dropped Dander Boy, and the shot quick-panned back to Jasmine as the cat quickly tore her costume to shreds and jumped away.
Next was Chase after a quick logo transition as he lifted a beach ball out of the junk heap with a smile. Lurking just behind the tip of the heap, Pythonicus swiped the ball and Chase was shown gaping as the ball was popped in front of him.
Another logo transition, and the third person shown was MK as she fed her gray spandex through one of the sewing machines. Standing behind her, Pythonicus dropped a small scrap of pink onto the gray, and it was quickly sewed on. MK saw it immediately, and glared over her shoulder at the villain.
Anne Maria was fourth after yet another logo transition, and she had already compiled a silver colored blouse and pants. After carefully laying down an insignia consisting of a silver diamond on her shirt just right, she looked away for a second and Pythonicus flipped the insignia upside down. Anne Maria looked back with a sparkly golden cape in her hands and a small smile on her face that changed into a frown when she noticed what was flipped.
Fifth came Ripper after the now-usual transition effect, but he was just leaning against a sewing machine and idly picking his nose. Pythonicus was openly watching him nearby in an awkward pose, but after Ripper spent several moments ignoring the villain, he turned and walked away.
The last contestant shown was Topher. He was feeding blue spandex through one of the sewing machines. The camera panned down to show Pythonicus inserting a wire into the outlet the machine was plugged into, then back up to show Topher being electrocuted.
Another logo transitioned the scene back into the still shot of Pythonicus and Dander Boy, which held for a few seconds before the cheesy background music came to an end.
The scene flashed to a modeling runway set up along one of the streets of the fake city. The camera was centered on the curtain 'backstage', with the catwalk set up in front of it. To the left, it ran almost to the edge of the screen, and was flanked by various stage lights. And to the right it stopped short just in front of the judge's table, where the trio of Chris McLean, Pythonicus, and Dander Boy sat.
"Now wearing a superhero costume of his own design," Chris dramatically announced to a calm music track as the camera and a pair of spotlights focused in on the backstage curtain, "our first super-model!"
The curtain swung open to reveal Chase dressed in red spandex and a belt with a baseball bat attached to it. His chest bore no insignia, but his face did bare a happy grin.
The camera cut to the judges as Dander Boy shut off the music and Chris sighed. "State your name and superpower," he droned as Chase hopped up to the end of the catwalk.
"I'm Danger Dynamo," Chase said, "and I've got all the powers of an extreme daredevil!" He took his baseball and mimed hitting a baseball with it.
"You're serious?" Chris told him dryly. "How do you fight bad guys? By running bullheaded into them?"
"Not only do I have this bat and my acrobatic skills," Chase continued, "but I also use my trustworthy skateboard for transport. If I had one now, I'd be demonstrating it."
Chris furrowed his brow and made a mark on his clipboard. "Well that's worth a whole 5 points..."
Chase walked away just as Justin walked up to the end of the runway. The eye candy's costume had no spandex, but he had chopped logs attached to his head, arms, and legs by multiple ropes.
"Dude, you look ridiculous," Chris told him bluntly. "So just tell me what you can do."
"I am Timber Man!" Justin declared proudly, striking a pose against a golden background. "And my superpower is…" he threw a couple of wood chips out of his hands.
The camera quickly cut to Chris as the wood chips fell in front of him. “Seriously? Wood chips?”
“Oh, and I can float. And make fire as long as I've got matches. And I don't get too close to the flame,” Justin finished with a nervous look.
"Lame!" Chris said and wrote on his clipboard. "2 points. Next!"
Ripper was the next one as he ran up the runway with a paper crown on top of his head and his shirt taken off to show a drawing of a milk carton and a chunk of cheese. He posed confidently and said "I'm King Dairy, and with enough dairy products, I can cook up gas!" He took out four chunks of cheese and stuffed them into his mouth. After he did, he let out a burp and fart at the same time. “The king has just cut the cheese!”
The gassy cloud of the bully's fart flew over to Pythonicus's face, causing him to wail and scream “It burns!” before fainting to the ground.
"Impressive," Chris said as he and Dander Boy looked at the fallen cook. "Gross, but impressive. 7 points for King Dairy."
“Booyah!!” Ripper celebrated.
The scene flashed forward to Topher standing proudly at the end of the runway in his dark blue spandex and light blue cape. His insignia was of his own face.
"I am Frosty Man!" Topher declared. "My powers include water and ice, and I use them to put out fires and nefarious plots."
“Do you squirt ice and water out with your hands?” Chris asked.
“No, with this!” Topher responded before he took out a fire extinguisher and squeezed the foam out in front of him. “How ‘bout that?”
"Cool if you want to be a firefighter," Chris answered, "but kinda dull for a superpower! 6 points."
Topher shrugged and walked away.
MK was next in her gray spandex. A piece of rope was attached to her butt, and she had a black beanie that covered her eyes, but had holes cut into them so she could see. "I am Street Rat," she declared, "and nobody can stop me thanks to my brains, sleight of hand, and ability to not be detected!"
"Those are skills that you normally have," Chris commented. "Nothing new to me, but great costume. 4 points."
MK pursed her lips in annoyance, but walked away without further comment.
Another flash forward put Jasmine in front of the judges at the end of the catwalk. She was wearing green spandex with no insignia and had a coil of rope wrapped around her waist.
"Looking pretty cool there," Chris told the Australian girl. "What's your name and superpower?"
"The name's Amazonia," Jasmine announced, "and the only superpowers I need are determination, strength, and my ability to hogtie enemies with my rope."
"Not bad," Chris said as he jotted something down in his notes. "I'd prefer something a little flashier, but the intimidating factor works in your favor. 5 points!"
Jasmine walked back down the catwalk, and Anne Maria replaced her. Her costume consisted of her in her normal clothes, but recolored to be silver and was noticeably sparkled with glitter. She had her diamond insignia on her blouse, silver goggles on her eyes, and a golden cape on her back.
"And what are you supposed to be?" Chris wondered.
“Bling Girl is my name!” Anne Maria introduced. “I have indestructible hair powerful enough to beat bad guys into shape. I can also blind my foes with my hair spray and cause explosions with my perfume spills in order to ward them off. Plus, I can take them on with my fists and sharp nails.”
“Awesome! Your powers are spectacular and sure to knock anyone out of commission," Chris said with a wide grin as he marked down the score. "10 points."
"Umm, why does she get a perfect score?" MK wondered as she stepped up to the judge once more, still in her Street Rat costume. "Her powers just consist of her daily hobbies like mine."
"That's because your powers are less likely to attack villains," Chris told her. "Anne Maria's is more creative."
"If you're gonna complain some more, I have a way of handling that," Anne Maria told MK with a pointed glare.
"No thanks," MK shook her head. "I don't want my nostrils to be burned by your perfume."
"Man, I love this show!" Chris told the camera with a wink.
(Commercial Break)
The scene faded back in to a shot of several additional set pieces along the fake city street. To the far left was a fake burning building up on stilts, then a mattress laying in front of a twilit forest backdrop, then a fake skyscraper, and finally a large trampoline in front of another evening backdrop on the far right.
The camera zoom-panned to the right, showing a ladder beyond the trampoline and Chris and the cast nearby. "For your second challenge, we will be testing your super prowess." The shot focused in on Jasmine as she raised a concerned eyebrow.
Confessional: Jasmine
"Chris can't really expect us to have actual superpowers," Jasmine told the confessional, still in her Amazonia costume. "After all, we are still human beings. It's not like we were bitten by a radioactive spider or had our bodies struck with electricity!"
Confessional Ends
"You'll have to leap over a building in a single bound," Chris told the contestants, "using this trampoline from the set of the movie 'Trampoline Thunder 2'! Awesome flick," he flashed a thumbs-up at the camera. "You'll be judged on how far and how high you jump," he continued as the camera quick-panned to the diving board at the top of the ladder. "And please, properly time your landing as we wouldn't want you to land anywhere other than on this soft, cushy mattress." As he spoke, another quick-pan took the scene down to the mattress where Dander Boy was busy washing his paw. The background music rose dramatically as the camera zoomed in, and the villainous feline was sent flying by one of several errant springs that popped out of the mattress.
The contestants gaped in shock, and the host continued. "Our first and foremost priority at Total Drama Action is you safety and well-being," he told them before slowly breaking out into laughter. "Next, you'll have to save a woman falling from a building," Chris said as the shot moved over to the fake burning building. "The woman will be played by a sack of potatoes in a dress," he said as Pythonicus leaned out of the building's window holding said dressed-up sack. "Which will be a real catch for you guys," he quipped.
Confessional: Anne Maria
"Chris is one to talk," Anne Maria sniffed. "He probably had dinner with that thing!"
Confessional Ends
A brief clip of Chris and the potato sack in a dress was shown, the pair seemingly enjoying a romantic candlelit dinner as touching music played and the smiling host poured the sack a glass of wine.
"And finally," Chris said as the scene moved back to the challenge, "you'll walk across a power line during a meteor shower!" The camera panned past the burning building to a row of power lines with a few mattresses below them, and Pythonicus tossing a bowling ball in one hand. He tossed it casually, and it flew straight through a water tower causing the water inside to come gushing out.
"The person to finish the course with the best time will also win invincibility alongside Anne Maria!" Chris announced as the contestants turned their shocked looks back to him. "Anne Maria, you're up first. Ten seconds will be shaved off your time for winning the first round."
“Aw yeah!” Anne Maria stepped forward confidently.
Confessional: Topher
"I'm happy that Anne Maria won the first challenge and all," Topher said, "but I want either Chase or Ripper to win the second part. That way, we can vote out the non-immune player."
Confessional Ends
"Aaaand, action!" Chris announced with a stopwatch in his hand, a drumroll starting up the fast-paced music as the scene immediately flashed up to Anne Maria on top of the diving board.
With a quick glance downward, she did a cannonball off the board, landing in the center of the trampoline and bouncing back up like a shot. She continued to hold her legs close to her body as she spun through the air and over the top of the skyscraper, and landed on the mattress with a roll and got back to her running position.
"So far some impressive moves from Bling Girl," Chris narrated.
Anne Maria quickly ran to the 'burning building', but tripped and fell just short of where the potato sack fell.
"Looks like we're having real mashed potatoes tonight, eh Chef?" Chris taunted. "None of that powdered stuff."
"Not much of a shining diamond now!" MK teased.
"Nice quip," Chris told the girl.
The shot cut back over to Anne Maria at the electrical pole as she started to climb up it, the camera quickly moving to the top as she started trying to make her way across the wires. She dodged two bowling balls, but dodging the second put her in the path of a third that knocked her off the wires and onto one of the mattresses below.
"Looks like you didn't make it," Chris taunted.
Confessional: Anne Maria
"What is with those mattresses?" Anne Maria muttered until she noticed bugs crawling on her right arm. "Get off!" she snarled as she shook her arm in order to ward off the bugs.
Confessional Ends
"Ripper, you're up!" Chris called before the scene flashed up to Ripper looking down thoughtfully from the diving board.
"Don't mess up, Dairy King!" MK said dryly from below, catching the shirtless boy's attention. “You know what's at risk!"
Ripper frowned a bit. "That's King Dairy, Street Rat!" He turned his attention back to the diving board, and took a deep breath. "It's Ripper Time!"
He jumped off the board and hit the trampoline legs-first, and flew up into the sky. “Time to call upon dairy!!” Ripper brought out four pieces of cheese and ate them all, producing a fart and burp that soared him over the skyscraper and landed him onto the mattress below before running off again.
"King Dairy to the rescue!" Ripper shouted before hopping off at top speed towards the next building. Pythonicus laughed evilly and dropped the starch-filled damsel, but Ripper leapt up and grabbed the sack in his arms before it hit the ground. "There you go. Feel feel to praise King Dairy for a day's work," he said proudly as he put the sack down on the ground.
"Hurry it up, King! You're on the clock!" Chris called from the sidelines, a stopwatch in his hands.
Confessional: Jasmine
“Ripper's no Superman or anything, and his attitude could use a little work, but the man's got some sweet moves,” Jasmine commented.
Confessional Ends
The camera cut to Ripper's quick and bounding climb up the utility pole. He reached the top and looked down, but after the first bowling ball missed him, he got into action, missing the next two bowling balls entirely.
"C'mon, Pythonicus!" Chris told his supervillain assistant, who paused in mid-throw to glare back at him, then toss the bowling ball at the host instead. It hit Chris upside the head, earning a satisfied smile from MK who had been standing beside him. Unfortunately, she didn't notice the ball coming back down and was hit on the top of her head and knocked down. The two groaned in pain.
The shot cut back to Ripper as he flawlessly ran to the end of the power lines and jumped down, landing with a powerful thud on his feet.
"And King Dairy saves the day!" he declared victoriously.
"Never thought I'd say this, but," Chris said as he got back to his feet, face scuffed and hair well out-of-place, "nice work, King Dairy." He smiled and checked his stopwatch, adding "Made good time, too. 36 seconds!"
"I'd do better if there was an actual damsel," Ripper said with a smirk as he walked past the host and stopped next to MK. "Try and top that, Rat Face!"
"It's Street Rat!" MK told him. "And worse of all, you already know that!"
Confessional: MK
"Ripper is my biggest enemy on the show, but I do have to keep him around if it means gaining more votes or using him as a shield," MK admitted in the confessional trailer, still in her Street Rat costume.
Confessional Ends
"Next!" Chris called happily, his hair already fixed. The background music picked up in intensity as a montage began of the other five superheroes running the course, beginning with Street Rat MK sprinting towards the ladder and climbing up it; Frosty Man Topher looked down warily from the end of the diving board; Danger Dynamo Chase jumped off the board; and Amazonia Jasmine dived off the board.
The scene quick-panned down to the trampoline as Topher hit it, sprung back up, and hit the side of the skyscraper; Chase flew over the building with a flip; Jasmine soared over the skyscraper with her body spread out; and Timber Man Justin vaulted over the top with his limbs tucked in.
MK hit the mattress below at a roll and kept running, catching the sack of potatoes but tossing it aside just as quickly. Topher came up behind her and paused with his arms open wide, and after the potato sack landed, he set it down and took off.
Jasmine was shown working her way across the electrical wires, but one of the bowling balls took her off. Pythonicus grinned darkly and sent the next ball flying. It nearly hit Chase, but he was able to jump down to dodge it, then grab the wire and swing back up to keep going. Justin was next, but although he jumped and rolled over one bowling ball, he flubbed the landing, landed on the wire with his groin, and got electrocuted. He fell smoldering to the mattress below, and the intense music came to an end as Chris pressed the button on his stopwatch.
"While Danger Dynamo did a really good job," he told the castmates who had lined up in front of him once again, "he was still three seconds short of beating the record. The winner of the second challenge, and invincibility with Bling Girl is," he took out his clipboard as he dramatically announced "King Dairy!"
"Yes!" Ripper cheered. "I won the challenge!"
"Maybe you are cut out to be a superhero," MK told him before chuckling. “Maybe.”
"Hey, superheroes?" Chris interrupted, pinching his nose and waving his clipboard in front of his face. "You all smell super gross. Time to hit the showers, and decide who's gonna get kicked to the curb."
The footage skipped ahead to nightfall, the shot lingering on the cast trailers as Anne Maria exited from the girls'. As the scene cut inside, MK and Jasmine were shown discarding most of their costumes.
"Since Ripper is immune, there's no voting for him tonight," MK said.
“And we are not going to eliminate Chase at all,” Jasmine declared.
"So that leaves us with Justin and Topher," MK said.
“I think it'd be best if we vote-” Jasmine responded, only to be interrupted by a sharp rapping on a nearby window. Confused, the two girls went to investigate, and the scene cut back outside to show Ripper and Chase waiting below, the two of them out of costume.
"Did Anne Maria leave?" Chase wondered.
"Yes," MK said.
"Good. We have to talk about who to vote," Chase said.
"Well I figured we should get rid of Justin," Jasmine whispered. "I used to be on his team, and he wasn't the most helpful at the time."
"I don't really care about pretty boy, so he can go," Ripper spoke up.
"But I say that Topher's the bigger threat," MK interrupted. “He was able to beat Jasmine in the prehistoric challenge and won the reward alongside Chase in the spy challenge.”
"And plus, he did just join the game a few episodes ago," Chase added.
"I'm aware of those instances, but I remember Justin trying to use his looks to get out of doing the challenges!" Jasmine countered. "Topher hasn't done anything like that so far!"
"And taking down Topher in the finale would be similar to doing the same to Justin!" Ripper said.
MK groaned. "Chase, do you still want to vote off Topher?"
“Now that I think about it, gunning for Justin would be a better choice,” Chase admitted.
"If that's how it's gonna be, then I'll vote for Justin as well!" MK said in defeat. "Next time, we take out Topher. Got it?"
The other three nodded.
The scene flashed to outside the communal bathrooms just as Anne Maria opened the door and walked in to Justin and Topher with their lower bodies wrapped up in towels and hair for Topher.
"Hey boys!" Anne Maria said brightly. "I didn't expect you to be here."
"Yeah," Justin said while Anne Maria came over to them, "but we have to discuss our voting plans, and this was the best place to do it."
"Exactly. So we're going to vote for Chase tonight," Topher said. “He's one of the most athletic contestants here, and if we underestimate him, he could make it to the finale.”
"I got it. I don't want to vote for any of my girls today!" Anne Maria said happily.
"Good. We'll leave you to shower alone. See you at the ceremony!" Topher smiled and pecked Anne Maria on the cheek before he and Justin left the building.
Another flash transitioned the shot to a close-up of the guys' trailer. "Psst! Hey!" MK hissed at one of the windows in the guys' trailer from the bushes outside. "Anybody in there?"
It was Topher who answered, sliding the window open and looking out. “MK? What are you doing here?”
"I'm here to dish out the news!" MK whispered.
“And what could that be?” Topher wondered.
"Look, me, Chase, Ripper, and Jasmine are planning to vote for Justin tonight, but I know how to prevent that," MK grinned.
“Which is?” Topher raised an eyebrow.
"I'll vote alongside you guys," MK said. "Look, I know from a certain source that you, Justin, and Anne Maria are going to vote for Chase, and I want him gone too!"
“But isn't Chase in your alliance?” Topher asked. “Why do you want him gone?”
"Anne Maria and Ripper have immunity, Jasmine and Justin didn't do well this challenge, and we're not voting for ourselves," MK added.
"Alright, those are fair points," Topher considered, “but wouldn't your alliance smell something fishy if there are four votes to three?”
“I've already got that covered,” MK smirked. “Don't worry about it.”
“If you say so,” Topher shrugged and closed the window.
Confessional: Topher
“To be fair, my plan was to vote for the non-immune guy, but how did MK even know about what I said in the confessional?” Topher asked.
Confessional: MK
"I am loving my strategy of recording confessionals," MK sighed in satisfaction. "I told Chase that we should just ignore Ripper and Jasmine and vote for Topher for the sake of the game. In that daredevil's head, he thinks that Topher will get the most votes if Justin votes him off as well! Oh how wrong he is," she finished with a teasing nod.
Confessionals End
The post-confessional static faded directly into the Gilded Chris theme. All the standard fanfare and reverence towards the host came and went, and the man himself walked up to the amphitheater podium as the camera zoomed in on the ceremony.
"And now, we vote," Chris said with a dark grin. The castmates were shown voting briefly, the trio of Jasmine, Anne Maria, and MK on the top row above Ripper and Chase, while Justin and Topher sat in front.
"And, the Gilded Chris goes to...," Chris announced before Pythonicus descended upside-down on a rope from the ceiling, handed him the results, and was pulled back up. "Anne Maria, and...Ripper! MK, and...Jasmine!"
"And we're down to the final three," Chris announced as the tension rose in the background music. He paused as he held up the folded paper he'd been given, then said "Justin!"
"And finally...," Topher and Chase were shown looking worried in a split-screen, "Topher!" The blonde boy smiled victoriously as his half of the screen slid away, leaving only a very shocked Chase.
"What?!" Chase exclaimed in panic.
Confessional: MK
“If I don't want to look like a traitor to the others, then the best thing I could do is not vote for Chase,” MK confessed. “Besides, he already got the majority of the votes, so I voted for Topher.”
Confessional Ends
"But how?" Jasmine stammered. “I thought we were voting off Justin.”
"MK told me to vote for Topher. I thought that…" Chase said before turning to glare at MK. “You voted for me, didn't you?! I knew Millie was right about not trusting you!”
“Hey, I didn't vote for you at all,” MK denied. “My vote was for Topher along with yours.”
"Did you two vote for Chase?" Jasmine eyed Anne Maria and Justin.
“Yes, and Topher did as well,” Anne Maria confirmed. “We didn't want him to overpower us.”
“I thought that Justin would vote for Topher as well, but I was wrong,” Chase said in disappointment.
"Sorry, Danger Dynamo, but it's time for you to take the Walk of Shame," Chris announced.
“There's nothing left to do but accept my defeat,” Chase sighed.
It was the spinning logo of Pythonicus that transitioned the scene to the red carpet, the sad but reverent elimination music already playing as Jasmine, Ripper, and MK stood with Chase one last time.
“I'll miss you guys,” Chase told them. “And Ripper, I'm super sorry about Izzy's elimination.”
“I still can't understand it, but I'll let bygones be bygones since you're going home,” Ripper said.
"MK, you're annoying, but thankfully, you didn't vote for me," Chase said to her.
"My pleasure," MK replied pridefully.
“Jasmine, we haven't gotten many opportunities to talk to each other, but you've been pretty cool towards me. I hope you win,” Chase spoke.
"No promises, but okay," Jasmine agreed. "And give a hello to Millie for me."
"You bet. Well, see you later," Chase gave his goodbye and got into the limousine of losers. The door slammed shut, the limo sped off, and as Ripper and Jasmine waved, MK simply crossed her arms and smiled secretly.
The shot cut over to the stage where Chris McLean was leaning against his podium with a grin on his face. "They may not have seen that coming," he told the audience, "but you should see what's coming next time on Total! Drama! Action!"
(Roll the Credits)
(Bonus Clip)
Chase was leaning back in the seat of the losers' limousine. "Even though MK didn't do anything to cause my elimination, I still didn't see this coming," he said. "I thought I'd go all the way this season after being an early out last time, but I ended up as the merge boot. Guess I'm just too awesome for this game," he joked for a bit with a laugh. “I still have Millie as my girlfriend, and I should just find an alternative for getting money, but what should I do? Fast food worker? Nope. Babysitter? No way.” He mused for a bit until an idea came to him. “I got it! Not only will this make me some money, but I can also be famous doing it!”
Eva - 15th
Geoff - 15th
Izzy - RETURNED
Trent - 13th
Sky - 12th
Brick - 11th
Scott - 10th
Izzy - 9th
Millie - 8th
MERGE
Chase - 7th
Boys: Justin, Ripper, Topher
Girls: Anne Maria, Jasmine, MK

Killer Grips: Anne Maria, Justin, Topher
Screaming Gaffers: Chase, Jasmine, MK, Ripper
Episode 16: Dial M for Merger
"Last time, on Total Drama Action! It was a festival of guts, determination, and sweat, as yours truly put our contestants through their sports movie paces!"
"And despite Anne Maria's cheerleading skills, the Grips lost the challenge. Lucky for her, it was Millie who was sent packing, but not before giving a goodbye and warning to her boyfriend."
"But there's no time to think about our coifs today," Chris continued in his control room before pressing a button on his keyboard, causing the three monitor feeds to switch to a half-closed iris view, "'cause today, we're gonna make the best spy movie ever!"
The scene flashed to a close-up of one of the monitors, and Chris walked through the iris' white space in his baby blue tuxedo. "And we might have a few sneaky surprises along the way," he said as the iris followed him to a classic spy-movie tune. He threw a tomato through the iris at the camera and it splattered; the pulpy remains slid down as a transition to the host standing back by the cast trailers. "Right here, on Total! Drama! Action!"
(Theme Song)
The episode opened on a close-up of a fly as it buzzed down through the sky to a plate of sandwiches being carried towards the common area in front of the trailers by Topher of all people. "Hey, everyone! Look what I brought!" he said with a cheery tone and wide smile, waving to the Gaffers who were seated on one of the benches around the central fire pit.
Chase and Jasmine shared a confused look as the camera briefly lingered on the four, while MK and Ripper merely stared dully at the passing dirty blond. The shot cut over to Anne Maria and Justin on opposite ends of the other bench, the former filing her nails while the latter looked at his reflection in his mirror with a smile.
“Do any of you want a sandwich?" Topher asked the others. "We may be in a game, but we can take advantage of our down time." He sat down in between his teammates and started to eat a sandwich, his teammates ignoring him.
Confessional: MK
“Topher of all people is not caring only about himself for once?" MK asked the confessional camera in an incredulous tone while crossing her arms. "There has to be a reason, and I know it's not going to be non-ugly."
Confessional Ends
"Thanks, honey, but I'm not in the mood right now," Anne Maria said with a hint of sadness.
"Is something the matter, Anne Maria?" Topher asked, leaning closer to the tanned girl.
"It's nothing for you to worry about," Anne Maria replied, standing up and walking back towards the girls' trailer.
Confessional: Anne Maria
“I can't believe that Justin used his looks in order to sway my vote away from him and onto Millie,” Anne Maria groaned. “I'm normally stronger than that, and I was just starting to consider Millie as pretty cool after seeing her go all out in the challenges. I really underestimated her a lot before and during this season.”
Confessional Ends
Anne Maria turned the handle, and quickly realized the door wasn't budging. "Looks like Chris McDodo locked the doors again," she deadpanned just before a small, camera-like device suddenly descended from the canopy above the door to a dramatic piece of background music reminiscent of spy movie intrigue.
It scanned the hair-obsessed girl's eyes, then in a robotic voice declared "Intruder alert! Entry denied!" Before Anne Maria could react, the steps leading up to the door collapsed into a slide that sent her falling back into a pit that suddenly opened up in the ground.
"Anne Maria!!" Topher dashed over and looked down into the pit from above. Out of nowhere, a small purple-fletched dart hit him in the neck; his eyes immediately drooped and he moaned, then fell forward into the pit.
MK laughed as she walked over to the pit. "I can't believe you two got punked like that!” As she grinned mockingly down at them, a black bowler hat spun through the air in the foreground. The camera followed it as it circled around, eventually hitting MK in the back of the head and knocking her into the pit as well.
The other four gasped. "Run for cover!" Jasmine cried as she, Chase, and Justin ran into the boys' trailer and slammed the door shut. Ripper tried to open it to get in, but the door was locked.
"Hey!" Ripper yelled as he pounded the door. "Let me in!"
"What is even going on?!" Chase cried from inside the trailer.
Confessional: Ripper
"I knew the producers were jerks, but I never thought that they'd have the guts to try and murder us," Ripper angrily whined. "They better hope that I don't make it out alive, cause I will-" he was interrupted by a white hand clubbing him on the back of the head and knocking him out.
Confessional Ends
"Hey, where's Ripper?" Justin looked around as the camera cut back to the inside of the trailer, Jasmine firmly holding the door shut and Chase sitting on a bunk bed.
"He obviously got taken along with Anne Maria, Topher, and MK," Chase said. "Right now is a good time to be selfish and only worry about ourselves!"
"I'm just lucky that I have my calming beauty and soothing complexion," Justin said.
"There is no way that this is happening to us!" Jasmine growled, only to be cut off by a small canister being thrown in the room and filling the air with a purple gas. The three teens coughed a bit before passing out.
The numbered studios were shown briefly, the camera panning up to the fake hill and the sky before cutting to what looked like the inside of a cave with numerous stagelights set up on the ceiling and floor.
The camera panned down to the seven contestants lying in a heap on the ground and groaning as they regained consciousness. Anne Maria, Topher, and MK were tangled together on the far left; Ripper and Jasmine laid apart in the center; and Chase was on top of Justin on the right.
Chase tries to get up, but he accidentally whacked his elbow on Justin's eye, making the model yelp in pain.
"My eye! My beautiful, uninsured eye!!" Justin got up to feel his now swollen left eye.
"Sorry. Are you okay?" Chase checked with concern.
“I bruise easier than a clingstone peach! Must prevent swelling, I need ice!” Justin started to run around. “Ice?!” He paused in order to take out his mirror and look at his face, and he began to cry. “I am a hideous beast!” the hot teen griped and got on his knees. “Nobody will ever hire me now and my modeling career is over! I'll have to go work in the circus as a... as one of those... circus freaks!”
The camera cut over to Anne Maria, who was walking around. "Where's my nail filer?" she demanded. “I think I scraped one of my fingernails.”
“Here you go,” MK got up and handed Anne Maria the nail filer. “One of my fingers is broken, but you don't see me crying for a bandage.”
The viewpoint moved over the shoulders of the regrouped teens as the dramatic spy theme started up again and a holographic image was projected in front of them courtesy of a machine in the cave wall. It quickly formed a scene of Chris McLean sitting in his control tent and laughing evilly, with a patch over his left eye and a short-haired white cat getting stroked in his lap. Justin and Jasmine gaped as they looked up at it, as did Anne Maria and Chase.
"Wel-kom, to ze cloak an dag-gehr, world ov Spy Moveez, mon and wom-mon!" Chris told them in an utterly indeterminate accent.
"Can you repeat that?" Anne Maria barked. "We can't understand you over that bad Jamaican accent!"
"Jamaican?!" Chase exclaimed. "That was Japanese!"
"No, it was Swedish!" Topher corrected as the camera focused on Chris getting increasingly annoyed.
"French!" MK guessed.
"It almost sounded Italian to me," Ripper said.
"Umm, hellooo?" Chris interrupted in his normal voice. "It's Russian? And I should know. Because I am an ac-tor!"
"Really?" Anne Maria doubted him with a smirk.
"Any good spy in any good spy movie must have three essential skills," Chris continued, ignoring the comment. "One, the ability to deactivate a bomb." The top-left quarter of the screen changed to a picture of wirecutters preparing to snip the wire of a bundle of dynamite sticks.
"Two, the ability to escape an exploding building." He ducked down into the bottom-left corner as the bottom-right corner became a picture of a figure jumping down from an explosion at the top of a skyscraper.
"And three, the ability to fake an accent that makes people believe you actually speak the language," he said as he returned to the top-right corner and the bottom-left became no more than a standard portrait of himself. "Likea my fab Russian ac-cent, mon!" he said in the mangled accent he'd used earlier.
Chase rolled his eyes and Anne Maria pursed her lips in annoyance, while Justin, Jasmine, and Ripper just stared up at him blankly. "You'll need two of the three skills to get through today's reward challenges," Chris told them all in his normal voice. "Can you guess which two? Let me give you a hint!" He switched to his awful Russian accent and said "Not da tird one, mahn!" He began to laugh evilly again, and the castmates turned to each other.
"Does anybody know anything about bombs here?" Topher asked the contestants.
“You're looking at a chem queen here!” MK gloated.
Confessional: MK
"We've had different movie genres used as themes each time," MK confessed, "and most of them required the use of athleticism. I'd prefer having challenges I can easily excel at instead of ones like the sports fiasco."
Confessional Ends
"Well, we know who's so eager to handle our bomb," Ripper told his teammates with a look towards MK.
“Hey, I wasn't particularly volunteering,” MK objected.
"We'll be supporting you though," Jasmine told the techno girl with a smile and a hand on her shoulder.
"Oh," Chris interrupted on the holographic screen, "and one last thing! Since I'm really ho-hum bored of the teams, I'm bustin' 'em up! From now on," he told the castmates as they watched in stunned silence, "it's every dude and dude-ette for themselves! I'll see you back on solid ground. Let the double-oh-sevening...begin!" Just before the holographic projection ceased, the white cat the host had been petting turned and attacked him.
"Well, regardless of what Chris said," Jasmine told Chase, MK, and Ripper, "I see no reason for us to break up. Alliance?"
She put her hand forward, and it was soon joined by Chase. “Sure thing!” he agreed and the two looked over at Ripper and MK, who shared a brief glare at each other before putting their hands in as well.
"Yeah, we're in," Ripper said, disgruntled.
"It feels strange being broken up," Anne Maria said out loud. "Especially after everything we've been through."
[A pop tune began to play as the scene showed seven rows of silhouette contestants blinking one-by-one before showing them all at once. From left to right were Topher, MK, Chase, Jasmine, Justin, Anne Maria, and Ripper.]
"Life begins after school."
[MK was playing on a handheld keyboard as Justin put an arm around her shoulder and snapped his fingers.]
"That's when we bend all the rules."
[The hands of Anne Maria, Chase, and Ripper also snapped their fingers. Soon, a five-way collage of Ripper on the top left, Topher on the bottom left, Anne Maria on the top right, Chase on the bottom right, and Jasmine in the middle presented itself as the five smiled at each other.]
"In a place where we belong!"
[The seven contestants were lying on the ground holding hands with each other while the camera zoomed out to show them surrounded by their trailer set.]
"I'm sixteen! Starting to find my way!"
[A yellow background was shown with the contestants smiling at the camera. From right to left were Jasmine, Anne Maria, Chase, Topher, MK, Justin, and Ripper.]
"Got a new job, gonna start at the mall today!"
[Pictures of the seven displayed. The top row had Anne Maria, Topher, Justin, and Jasmine, and the bottom row had Chase, Ripper, and MK. The song ended with the cast throwing scraps in the air as the camera zoomed out to show the entire set.]
"How do we get out of here?" Chase asked after the montage ended, looking around the room with his teammates-turned-allies.
"It's likely some kind of secret passage," MK said. "We should try bumping into random things. One of them's probably a switch."
All seven were shown searching the cavern for a few more seconds, until Justin rested on a particularly seat-like stalagmite which turned out to not be a stalagmite at all, but merely a large switch in the shape of one. He nearly lost his balance and fell over as a part of the nearby wall slid away, but he stopped herself in time. "Over here!" he called to the others.
“Way to go, Justin!” Topher congratulated him.
“Good eye!” Jasmine added in as well before they all headed for the exit.
Confessional: Justin
“Now that I'm a hideously deformed circus freak, I have to rely on my brains to win this thing,” Justin confessed before looking up at his head. “You hear me, brain? Yeah! I'm speaking to you!”
Confessional Ends
Justin joined the others in the elevator that had been revealed in the wall, and the doors slid shut with a ding.
A dinging sound characteristic of an elevator stopping at multiple floors accompanied a rising shot of what appeared, on the outside, to be a large water tower. The scene cut inside, revealing a large and mostly-empty circular room that was lined with carved stone columns. In the very center was a pedestal with a tall glass dome enclosing a bag of something or other, and illuminated from below.
Another ding sounded as the castmates walked into the room, Ripper and MK taking the lead followed by the rest in the back.
"Cool!" Ripper said with an awestruck smile.
"Awesome!" MK echoed with a smile of her own.
"This is like some kind of museum!" Jasmine added.
The viewpoint shifted behind the seven as they came to a halt and another hologram of Chris – back in his usual clothes and covered in faint scratch marks – was projected in front of them. "Don't I look awesome in blue?" he said idly to his uninterested audience. "Now, for the first part of the spy movie challenge. See that case in the middle of the room?" He pointed to the glass-covered pedestal, and the camera cut in for a close-up of it. "You have to get whatever's inside, 'cause you're gonna need it for part two of the challenge!"
"An easy smash and grab?" Ripper smirked as he walked forward. "Just my cup of tea!"
As he walked cockily past one of the pillars, a small panel slid open in it and a laser popped out, the beam quickly reflecting off a number of mirrors mounted around the room. The host cleared his throat just as a beam shot over Ripper's shoulder causing the boy to yelp and recoil away from it, and Chris said "I need to finish! You gotta get whatever's inside without setting off the alarm. But be careful. Those lasers will cut you clear in half!"
"I'm a lot better whole!" Chase said in shock.
“Fitting under there is gonna be tough for my weight,” Ripper warily approached the laser field.
"But for me, it's no problem," MK told him.
"Brain, got any ideas?" Justin spoke to himself.
"I think I can handle this," Jasmine said as she crouched down and pounced through a gap in front of her, rolling back on her feet without getting hit once. "I'm not gonna be a singed turkey today!" she said with a confident smirk.
The footage skipped forward to Jasmine doing an awkward headstand in the middle of the laser field, her legs bent at two awkward angles as she wobbled in place, trying to keep herself from falling over.
"In retrospect, I should have done something else!" she exclaimed just before the camera pulled back a little to show Chase slinking through the lasers nearby.
"My athletic skills are really coming through for this!" Chase said, only to yelp after accidentally touching one of the beams with his fingertips. "I also need to improve on my concentration skills."
The shot cut over to Topher and Anne Maria, the latter quickly ducking through the lasers with ease while the former struggled to maneuver his muscular upper body low enough to pass under the next beam. "Agh!" he cried in pain as his back got singed, and he looked up to see Anne Maria standing in front of him with a small smile on her face.
"Would you like some help, Topher?" she asked.
"Obviously!" Topher answered, singeing his shoulder when he tried to move it.
Another cut put the focus on MK as she maneuvered the field with a confident smile on her face. From a crouching position, she jumped up and over the next laser between her and the case, tucking her legs and rolling in mid-air before landing on both feet. "This is actually kind of fun!"
Meanwhile, Ripper was now in a tangled position as he tried to move through the lasers. “Couldn't the lasers have been more spread apart?!” he said.
The camera cut over to Justin, who had yet to enter the laser field and was holding his mirror. “Okay, brain, it's all up to you. I know you haven't had a lot of exercise in the past, um... sixteen years, give or take, but you can do this.”
He started making his way towards the lasers, only to slip and slide towards one of the beams below him. Justin used his mirror to shield his face, and in return, reflected the beam backwards. “Mirror mirror in my hand, who is the smartest one of all?” the eye candy chanted after the discovery.
The focus moved back to Chase as he slipped down under another low beam, and the shot briefly cut to an overhead view of the room, showing that he and MK were the closest to the central case, followed by the still-upside-down Jasmine, Anne Maria and Topher, and Justin and Ripper still close to the edge of the lasers.
"How do you feel knowing that us four are gonna dominate the other three in the votes from here on out?" MK said to the daredevil.
"Pretty good. Our chances of winning are secured, but I have some doubts about it," Chase responded without taking his eyes off the lasers in front of him.
MK paused in her tracks, and gave Chase a look of suspicion. "What do you mean you have doubts? You were the first to agree with Jasmine's proposal."
Chase got himself between two lasers safely. "It's just that you and me don't really get along that much. You'll likely betray me, Ripper, or Jasmine if it means it'll benefit you."
MK started to step over another laser, which just about finished closing the gap between her and Chase. “I only betrayed Scott, and he was a threat last season. I'm not gonna do the same to you guys.”
Confessional: MK
"I'm bluffing," MK told the confessional camera. "There's no way I'm not gonna drop one of my alliance members when the game is nearly over. Millie being gone is a blessing. If she was still here, she'd convince Chase to gun for me."
Confessional Ends
"Just a little more," Anne Maria said softly as she guided Topher's leg over a laser with one hand and held onto him with the other. "There!" she smiled once the leg was temporarily out of harm's way again.
"Thanks!" Topher smiled at her before turning a troubled look towards the case. "But I don't think we're going to get to the case first."
"Yeah," Anne Maria said while looking in the same direction, "but we should at least try. We're not last season's quitters anymore!" She quickly ducked under the next laser, then took him by the hand and started to guide him forward as well.
“Uh, pros and cons of life as a circus freak,” Justin wondered to himself, still in the same position. “Pro, travel. Con... the bearded chick.”
The scene moved back to Chase, who was now ducking and sliding closer and closer to the case until he was out of harm's way. “I made it first!!” he whooped before giving the case a blank stare. "So, what do I do now?"
"Just grab something and smash it open!" Ripper called, having gotten further ahead but was still lagging behind.
"That's not an entirely good idea," Jasmine told him, her legs ready to be rested. "It's possible that Chris gave the case more than one layer of protection!"
"I'm pretty sure the only protection this has is the glass," Chase said as he looked at the case, then bent down to examine the pedestal it was on. "What exactly am I supposed to smash it with?"
"Just punch it with your hands or better yet, headbutt it," Ripper suggested as he wobbled on his hands.
"Actually," Chase replied, turning his head back towards him and grinning, "I think I have an idea."
He took a few steps back and jumped into the air in order to karate kick the case heavily with his foot. There was no effect at first, but once he landed back down, the glass shattered into countless pieces.
Almost immediately, the lasers began to turn off. “Splendid!" Jasmine smiled as the beams around her retreated, the machines creating them retracting into the columns around the room, prompting her to fall on her back.
Confessional: Ripper
"About time those lasers went off," Ripper confessed, "One of my brothers pressed his hands on my dad's iron one snowy day because he stuck his hands in snow and wanted to warm them up!” He laughed briefly at the memory. “That's why I didn't run through the lasers. I didn't want a third degree burn like my brother.”
Confessional Ends
"Umm, what am I supposed to do with a weird gun and wire cutters?" Chase asked as he pulled the tool and a grappling gun out of the sack and the others walked over to him.
"They're meant to help escape a building that's about to explode," Anne Maria told him.
At that instant, the room was tinted red as Chris' hologram reappeared. "The room blows in ten!" he announced with an evil grin as an appropriately dangerous tune began to play in the background and the castmates screamed. The camera focused on a small timer in the corner of the projection, which counted down along with the host. "Nine! Eight!”
(Commercial Break)
The episode returned to a repeat of Chase discovering the tools and Anne Maria describing what they were meant for just as Chris' hologram reappeared.
"The room blows in ten!" Chris counted down as the castmates screamed. "Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five!"
"I don't want to die!" Topher cried as he grabbed Anne Maria and held her tight.
"That makes both of us!" Anne Maria cried and embraced him back.
"There's no time to escape!" Ripper shrieked in panic and hugged Justin without thinking.
"Where's the exit?!" Chase shouted with frantic fear as he and Jasmine looked around the room.
“I'm too cool to be killed!” MK stood in the middle of them all, eyes clenched tight.
"Three! Two! One!" Each group of castmates was shown again in quick succession. "PBBBT! SUCKERS!" A raspberry and laughing exclamation ended the countdown, and the red light faded from the room. "You shoulda seen the looks on your faces!"
All seven glared up at him, but the camera focused on Topher and Anne Maria as they looked back at each other and separated.
Confessional: Anne Maria
"Even though he only did it because he thought we were about to die, I… kinda enjoy hugging Topher at that moment." Anne Maria admitted. "I don't let anybody touch my hair, tan, and everywhere, but I'll make an exception for Topher. He's a pretty good hugger."
Confessional Ends
"You'll need the zipwire gun and the wire cutters for the next spy challenge," Chris told the cast. "Whether Chase, our little cat burglar, chooses to share the tools with the tools," he said as Chase was shown looking at the two items he'd won, "is totally up to him. Oh! And by the way! The first countdown was just a test! The real countdown begins, now!"
The room was bathed in red light again and the timer appeared in the corner of the projected screen as the grinning host began to count. "Thirty! Twenty-nine! Twenty-eight!"
"We really are gonna die!" Topher shrieked.
"But we can't be!" Ripper exclaimed. "What's to say that Chris isn't faking us out again?"
The camera quick-panned down and outside to the base of the tower, where a large number of bombs, mines, and fireworks were planted.
It cut back inside as Jasmine spoke up. "Well I am not going to risk my life against Chris's whims. We need to set up the zip line now."
The shot moved to MK as she walked over to the wall and pushed against one of the panels – it swung out into the open air with little resistance. “Come over and check this out!” she waved the others over.
Jasmine looked out through the hole. "Just what we needed," she said. "If we can secure one end of the line to a building, and the other to this pillar," she pointed at the nearby column, "then we can escape."
Confessional: MK
“I'm aware that Chase has the gun to save our lives, and knowing him, he'll definitely save our lives without asking for anything in return,” MK theorized. “I'm not saying that I'd be heartless enough to let my competition die unless I was given something like a cut of the money, but I would save everybody first and then ask for something small like a share of today's reward.”
Confessional Ends
Chase started to walk towards the opening. "Is anybody gonna come with me or not?" he asked.
"You're not going to ask for anything in return?" MK asked.
"Why would I?" Chase responded. "If this is not another fake-out, then I am definitely not letting either of you die."
The shot cut over to a close-up of the time as it ticked down to 16, 15, 14 before moving back to the castmates. "This is unsurprisingly selfless and noble of you!" Ripper said dryly.
"Hey, it's what I do," Chase said, and the footage was paused.
Chris stepped in front of the screen and said "I knew there was a good reason for Chase to be in this season. He's as reckless as he is nice!" He stepped back out of sight, and the footage unpaused.
The daredevil started to glare, and the timer was shown counting down to 11 and 10. "The clock's ticking," he reminded the others. "Are you in, or not?"
“We're in!” Topher agreed. “I am too young to die!”
“Great!” Chase then pointed the zipwire gun at the hole in the wall and fired. The view moved outside as the grappling hook flew out of the tower, bounced a few times off the roof of a nearby building, and was reeled back in until it got hooked on a vent.
Back inside, Chase was tying the other end of the line around a nearby column when MK spoke up. "How are we all gonna fit with just one line?"
"Leave that to me," Jasmine said. She removed her belt, slung it over the line, then positioned herself in front of the opening. "Hop on, everyone!"
The beeping continued as the shot moved back outside, focusing on the belt first as it slid down the line before zooming out to show the screaming contestants – Jasmine holding onto the belt, Ripper and Topher holding onto her, Anne Maria with her arms around Topher's neck, Ripper having MK on his back and Chase on his leg, and Justin with his arms around Chase's chest.
They landed on the other roof, with Justin skidding along for a bit, MK flipping forward onto her back shortly before Topher landed with Anne Maria on top on him, Ripper landing on his butt, and Chase flying past the screen with a scream before Jasmine face-planted.
"It's gonna blow!" Ripper cried as he squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears. The shot cut over to the explosives at the base of the tower as the lone fuse burned the last few inches...and fizzled.
"Crimney! We've been had again!" Jasmine exclaimed as she got up and put her belt back on.
"Chris is just downright awful," Chase grumbled.
"As if we have the budget to blow up an entire building!" Chris explained, the camera panning across the roof to reveal him at the end leaning against some tarp-covered object. "I was just playing with ya! Again. Because I can," he grinned.
"Some of us almost wet ourselves!" Topher said angrily.
"Right. Some of us did," Ripper said, immediately covering his wet spot on his shorts.
"Okay, kiddies!" Chris announced. "Time for your next super-spook challenge!" He grabbed the tarp and yanked it away, revealing a series of identical-looking oil drums with LCD timers strapped and wired onto the side. "In front of you, you will see seven bombs," he told them as he walked in front of the seven drums. "You will have to deactivate the bombs with only the tools you got from the last challenge – the wire cutters. Oh, wait!" the host frowned playfully. "Wasn't Chase the only one who got the wire cutters?"
“Locked and loaded!” Chase smiled at the tool in his hand.
Chris laughed. "Well, I guess everybody else will just have to find their own way of cuttin' the wires," he said with a jovial shrug. "Sucks to be you! Any questions?"
"Will you be giving us the bomb schematics?" MK asked.
"Is this another fake out?" Justin raised his hand.
"Is this something we can actually do, or are these gonna blow up no matter which wire we cut?" Jasmine asked bluntly and forcefully.
"Cool," Chris said with a grin. "If there are no questions, then what are we waiting for?" He walked a couple feet away, then paused and turned back. "Oh yeah! One more thing! Those barrels are filled with the most stinky, the most noxious substances known to humankind! Yeah, that's right. We're talking major stink bomb."
"Worse than a perfume spill?" Anne Maria asked.
"Yes," Chris replied simply. "Yes it is. Yo, Chef!" he called off to the side.
The large man rose up to the roof on a scissor lift wearing a tennis outfit. "Why can't you handle this?" Chef told the host while walking over to the bombs. "I'm busy!" He flipped a switch next to the first barrel from the right, then walked back.
A quick series of high-pitched beeps signaled the bombs' activation, and the camera zoomed in on the timer – now counting down from 3:00. Chris got on to the scissor lift with Chef, and they started to descend. "Good luck," the host told the castmates, "'cause this time, you're really gonna need it."
The contestants took positions behind each of the bombs, with Chase and Anne Maria taking the pair on the far right. "Okay, looks like we got blue, yellow, and red wires," the Jersey girl mused as she looked over the bomb.
Next to her, Chase was quietly inspecting his bomb with the wire cutters held tentatively above. The camera short-panned to the left to show Ripper, MK, and Jasmine at the next three bombs.
"Didn't you say you had an IQ of 170?" Ripper asked the girl next to him.
“That doesn't mean that I can't stop the bomb with my mind!" MK shot back.
“This alliance is definitely going to need more spirit,” Jasmine mumbled.
The camera panned over to Topher and Justin. “Defusing stink bombs is not something that I want to do as a job,” Topher said to himself.
“Okay, brain. Now's the time to bring it,” Justin said. “Eenie, meenie, miny, mo. Ooh! Or is it miny, meenie, eenie, mo? Brain, don't be messing with me now!”
"Okay, so which one am I supposed to cut?" Chase wondered.
"One that doesn't cause your stink bomb to explode," MK told him dryly.
"I know that," Chase said, "but how are we supposed to guess which one it is?"
"Just use luck," MK muttered.
"Isn't it the red wire they always cut in the movies?" Ripper wondered aloud as the camera short-panned back to him. "Or is that the one you're not supposed to cut? Think, Ripper, think!"
Topher sighed as the timer ticked down past 2:00. "We should just guess randomly!" He grabbed the red wire and began to snap it on his knee. It broke in seconds, and the timer attached to it stopped counting down.
"Hey! It worked!" Jasmine cheered. "Nice job, Topher!"
"Yeah!" MK spat. "He won the challenge."
"Hold off on the celebrations!!" Chase shouted. "The rest of us still have to defuse the bombs and we've only got fifty-three seconds!"
"Got it," Jasmine said seriously. She tore the red wire with her bare hands.
MK took a bite out of her wire and spit it out. “Done!”
Ripper ripped his wire apart forcefully. “Done!”
Justin used the sun's ray through his mirror to melt his wire. “Done!”
Anne Maria filed her wire with her nail filer until it was cut through. “Done!”
And Chase used his wire cutters on his wire. “Done!”
"We did it!" Topher cheered.
"This alliance is working wonders already!" Jasmine said.
“Brain, this just might be the start of a beautiful friendship,” Justin smiled.
Anne Maria frowned. "If we cut the wires, then where is that beepin' comin' from?" She looked down to see that her and a couple other bombs were still ticking.
“This can't be real!” Chase panicked.
“Brain, we are so over!” Justin scolded his brain.
“This is not going to be good!” Ripper braced himself.
The view cut to some nondescript hillside where an explosion could be seen in the distance. The cast could all be heard complaining about the smell and coughing.
The camera panned down and to the left, showing Chris sitting casually by some film equipment, sipping a cup of coffee. "What?" he asked the camera, setting his cup down on the saucer in his hand. "Obviously we're not gonna wire each bomb exactly the same way," he explained to the camera in a put-upon tone. "That would be way too easy for our production crew! And no fun for me!" He leaned back in his chair and laughed.
A chipmunk was shown perched in a tree, looking down as the colorful stench of something below wafted up to it. It took a single sniff, then fell from its branch, bounced off the roof of the girls' trailer, and fell into a large pool of something red where the contestants were sitting amidst a fog of foul odor.
Chef appeared at the side of the pool, a gas mask on his face as he poured a large tomato-labeled can in. The shot pulled out, showing that all the contestants save Justin were in the pool.
"Well this absolutely blows," Ripper grumbled as Chef emptied his can and walked off-screen.
"I'd rather have gotten our suffering over with and ripped apart all the wires if we had known that they weren't all the same," MK added.
“At least the tomato soup is good for the skin,” Jasmine spoke up. “The Vitamin C in them boosts collagen and provides skin texture, firmness, and tone.”
Just then, Justin came up for air with his mirror. "Agh, with this hideous facial deformity, I'll need all the help I can get, sister."
"Glad you like it," Chef said as he came back and tossed a handful of bendy straws into the pool, "'cause it's also dinner." He chuckled darkly and walked away, and the castmates hesitantly picked up the straws as they floated by.
Topher stuck his tongue out in disgust, then forced a smile. "As disgusting as this is, we're all in this together."
"Hey Toph, what was with that goody-goody act earlier today?" Ripper shot at him.
"Yeah!" MK chimed in. "Were you trying to gain something from us or what?!"
"I just wanted to show you all that I wasn't a bad guy," Topher answered. "I did just join halfway in the game, and I knew that all of you would distrust me."
"You were eliminated first last season because you didn't contribute much to the team," Jasmine told him. “And you gave off a bad impression.”
“Yeah, but people can change,” Topher said.
The shot pulled back to show Chris approaching in a gas mask of his own. "Is everybody having fun yet?" he asked mischievously. "Chase and Topher, as the winners of the first and second challenges, you get the reward! An all-expense paid trip to..."
"Jamaica?" Topher asked excitedly. "London? China?"
"How about Hollywood?" Chase added with a smile of his own. “The number of stunts you can do there are one in a million.”
"Good guesses, but no," Chris answered with a smile. "It's an all-expense paid trip to...a local cheese factory!"
“Cheese factory?” Chase repeated in confusion.
"While on tour," Chris continued, "you'll get to sample all the cheeses of the world! From blue cheese, to green cheese, to head cheese, which isn't technically a cheese, but reeks just the same!"
“You gotta bring me back some gouda if you can," Anne Maria said, putting her hand on Topher's shoulder. "I love me some of that."
"I'd also like some fancy cheese too!" Ripper said as well.
"Fine," Topher said. "We'll get you all something."
"Hey Chris, how long do we have to remain in this pool until the stink wears off?" MK asked the host.
"Oh, I'd say another twelve hours should do," Chris told her as he walked away.
“Better make good use of our time,” Jasmine shrugged and sunk into the soup.
"The teams are no more," Chris told the camera after the scene flashed forward and he took off his gas mask. "Let's see how these stinkers do on their own next time on Total! Drama! Action!"
Just as the scene began to fade, the white cat he'd been stroking earlier attacked his face again.
(Roll the Credits)
(Bonus Clip)
The scene showed the limousine of losers, the scenery out the partially-open window indicating that it was still daytime. Topher was sitting next to it on the far left, and Chase was sitting on the far right, and neither were looking at each other.
This continued for several awkward seconds until Topher finally turned his head and asked "So what's up with your agility prowess?"
“Oh, I, uh, took a gymnastics class and learned some moves in order to prep myself up as a daredevil,” Chase replied awkwardly and fell silent for a few seconds. “What about you? What hobbies do you have?
“Um, I'm interested in photography and hair designing,” Topher answered. “I know how to make normal hair stylish and I'm one of the student managers of the yearbook club.”
Silence filled the limo for several more seconds. "You know, we should just stay silent for the rest of the trip," Chase said.
"Yeah. That's something we can agree on," Topher said as well.
Eva - 15th
Geoff - 15th
Izzy - RETURNED
Trent - 13th
Sky - 12th
Brick - 11th
Scott - 10th
Izzy - 9th
Millie - 8th
Boys: Chase, Justin, Ripper, Topher
Girls: Anne Maria, Jasmine, MK

Hey guys Im still a novice when it comes to the finer side of the world of spirits and the like but i've dipped my toes here and there in fun things. I have an upcoming Backyard party and was hoping to bring a premade batch of something different using what i have/can get. At the moment I have these bottles that I can pick from.

• Rothman & Winter Orchard Apricot
• Rittenhouse Rye 100 Proof
• Laird's Apple Brandy 100
• Liber & Co. Almond Orgeat Syrup
• Liber & Co. Real Grenadine
• Regan's Orange Bitters
• Candied Ginger
• Lemons and limes

At first im thinking of making something like a rye sour using

• 1.5 rye
• .5 apricot liqueur
• .5 lemon(or lime?)
• .5 orgeat
• 2 dashes of bitters.
• shake w/ ice and strain over fresh ice

Am thinking of adding the apple brandy to it as a float or in it? but that might be too much going on right? but if there's a drink you guys can think of using those 3 bottles that would be pretty cool!
And idk if this is a thing but i was thinking soaking the ginger in grenadine could be pretty cool? the ginger i got is pretty hard and dry so maybe soaking it in the syrup can give it a neat flavor and texture?

A few months ago I introduced my friend to League and she has been hard-stuck Iron ever since she first played ranked. I see her play and I try to give advice where I can, but it's mostly macro. She plays mid and I told her about mana management and taking good resets, the general gameplay loop of mid [e.g basic warding, and the pushing of waves once she gets her lv 6 to roam], the very, very, very bare bones of wave management, which teamfights are important, which objectives are important, etc etc. I even made her go into practice tools and practice CS. I think she is taking into accounts those concepts best she can, and she actually out-macroes even bronze players I think, but she keeps losing and losing until her account hit Iron 4. The funny thing is, she is getting good numbers for iron/bronze - she is hitting 7 cs per minute when she is doing at least even in lane and she always has low deaths, she always has decent power spikes. It's just... it's a bit blunt but she just sucks at fighting. She misses her abilities a lot, she throws her skillshots at where people are and not where they are walking towards, she uses flash unnecessarily, and she is too risk-averse, often deciding to dip too early, and worst of all she has a terrible sense of distance between her and the opponent. But I feel like these are the things I can't really coach her on because I can't cover every scenario. I feel like my advice has led her to focus too much on the macro side of things and now it is harming her as a result. I tell her that she needs more experience and just needs to play more games and it will get better, but she is still losing most of her games and she is feeling really sad because it feels like she is doing everything right, her numbers look good, but I don't know what to tell her. Are there any drills I can practice with her so that it helps her improve faster? Did anyone else go through the same thing? For me league was just really intuitive from the start but I play a lot of other games but this is her first ever game so I can't help her as much as I want to.

Ten minutes into graduation, my friends were already dead.
Ten elephants.
I was soaking wet, my dress glued to me.
Nine elephants.
Forcing myself into a run, I tripped over my heels.
Eight elephants.
Fuck.
Seven elephants.
There was no point in counting, but counting felt normal.
Six elephants.
Counting felt like I was going to escape.
Five elephants.
Survive.
Noah’s blood painted my face.
He still felt alive, warm, swimming in my vision. I could still see cruel silver being plunged into his chest, rivulets of red pooling down his lips and chin.
Four elephants.
Noah told me to run, so here I was…
Three elephants.
Running.
Forcing myself to breathe, I swiped blood from my eyes.
Two elephants.
Twisting around, I scanned the empty school hallway for movement.
One elephant.
Annalise’s brains dripped down my face.
I was picking pieces of her skull from my hair, tiny pearly splinters stuck to me.
Annalise was sucked down the pool drain, her body mincemeat on my dress.
Her grisly remains were floating on the surface, painting illuminated water in a striking, almost breathtaking red.
Noah was sliced apart right in front of me.
They were dead.
Slamming my fists into each classroom, my shriek caught between my teeth.
Help me.
The lights were off, which meant she was close.
Reaching the end of the hallway, I could hear laughter and familiar whoops coming from the auditorium.
The class of 2015 were graduating and I was going to fucking die.
The main entrance was locked, barricaded from the outside.
Taking two steps back, I slipped out of my heels, kicking them off.
The classroom at the end of the hall was open, spilling warm light that coaxed me forward, hypnotised by the illusion of safety. With no choice, I staggered toward it and pushed the door open.
Stepping directly into warm entrails squelching between my bare toes, I had to bite back a cry. Mari hung upside down above me, her body swaying back and forth, strung up like meat to the slaughter. The girl had been gutted straight through her designer Diana mini, her glistening remains sparkling under unearthly light. Mari’s eyes were still open, lips parted as if to warn me.
For a dizzying moment, I was paralysed.
A door banged shut, running footsteps, heavy panting breaths.
“Fuck!” a familiar accent cried out.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
I could hear him slamming his hands into classroom doors.
“I need… I need help!”
The voice should have been comforting, but I was already seeing an opportunity to hide myself.
Swallowing barf, I leapt over glistening red entrails and dropped onto my hands and knees, crawling under a desk, gagging my own panting breaths.
The door swung open, and I buried my head in my arms, risking a peek.
Isaac Redfield stumbled through the door, immediately falling to his knees, his head buried between his legs.
He was sobbing, choking on breaths suffocating him. Issac looked helpless, hopeless, before his gaze caught mine.
I thought Isaac was dead.
The last time I saw him, he was being violently dragged into the janitor's closet. I could see where he'd narrowly missed being butchered, a gaping hole ripped straight through his suit jacket.
He was covered in the remnants of Noah, grisly scarlet turning him into more of a canvas than human, thick brown hair hanging in wide, almost unseeing eyes barely penetrating mine.
Isaac pressed a finger to his lips, his voice bleeding into a shaky breath.
”Don't… say… a… fucking word”.
The door opened, two familiar boots stomping through.
Issac twisted around, forcing himself to unsteady feet.
I could only see her slick black shoes.
The woman pivoted on her heel and started towards Isaac.
“Ahh, fuck,” his hiss broke out into a sob.
I watched him do a little dance backward in an attempt to distance himself. But he was just backing into a corner, staggering over himself.
His hand shot out, blindly grasping for a weapon, a chair leg, but her boots continued, stomping towards him.
Isaac tried to throw himself past her, but she was so fast, reaching out and grabbing the boy by his neck, her fingers pulverising. His arms flew up to peel her hands from his throat, but she was choking him. When Issac’s arms went limp, she slammed him into the window, and my body coaxed me to move, to run. Isaac was half conscious, spluttering blood, his head hanging.
Run.
But I couldn't.
I watched, my hand suffocating my screams, as she lifted him into the air, his feet dangling, his breaths coming out in choking pants. I saw the silver glint of her knife, and then the streak of scarlet painting the wall behind him.
I heard the exact moment the blade went in.
Isaac’s panting breaths became wet gurgles, his dangling legs going limp.
The slow stemming puddle of red accumulating across marble snapped something in my mind. I forgot how to run, to move my legs, to even breathe.
When Isaac’s body hit the ground with a meaty smack, I shuffled back, but the scarlet pool followed me running wet and warm under my fingers. I could see where his throat had been slashed open.
Isaac’s head was turned at an angle, his dead eyes staring directly at me.
I was trying to feel for a pulse when the desk I was hiding under was kicked aside. There she was when I dared lift my head. The woman in the black suit.
She resembled a shadow with a human face, dark blonde hair pulled into a ponytail, brandishing a pinstripe suit.
I watched her brutally murder my friends, one by one, no mercy, no I'm sorry, or even an explanation.
She butchered Annalise in the swimming pool, gutting Noah and Mari, and now Isaac.
Her expression was vacant. There was no motivation behind her killing them.
If there was, she would have worn the face of a psychotic serial killer, thirsty to spill blood.
She would have laughed as they ran, revelled in their fear and the startling inevitably of their own demise.
But she didn't.
Instead, the woman in the black suit stalked after them. She never stopped, never faltered, until they were all dead.
Until their breaths were thinning, their blood staining her hands.
The woman did not smile when she wrapped her hands around the curve of my neck and slammed me against the wall.
I saw stars going supernova, trying to suck in oxygen, her relentless grip tightening.
Black spots speckled my vision, and I was half aware of the ice-cold prick of silver sinking into my flesh. She was slow. Slow enough for me to count each of my lingering breaths, watching my own blood soak the front of my dress.
When she dropped me, I landed on my stomach. But there was no pain.
It felt like dreaming, choking on words that wouldn't come out.
Weird, I thought, my eyes flickering.
I counted ceiling tiles, dizzily, a slow spreading darkness pricking at the corners of my vision.
Last time, Isaac died first in the swimming pool.
Noah managed to stab the bitch in the back, only for her to chase him to the main entrance, gutting him on the spot.
The woman in the black suit loomed over me, while I focused on breathing.
Only for her to deliver one last fuck you blow to my head.
My vision contorted, and I sunk into the ground.
Straight into oblivion.
That spat me back out.
“Bonnie!”
I was numb to my mother’s voice.
I used to wake up screaming, my hands around my throat clawing for wounds that were no longer there.
Now I was somewhere between acceptance and losing my fucking mind.
For a while, I didn't move, lying on my back and considering suicide.
I never had the guts to actually go through with it though.
Being murdered is one thing, but actually doing it yourself is another.
“Bonnie!” Mom’s voice was louder, and I mocked her words.
“Get up! Sweetie, I made your favorite! Chocolate chip pancakes!”
I paused, counting elephants.
I had mastered the ability to perfectly mimic her tone.
“And don't forget to thank Mrs Benson for that beautiful dress! You know she really wants you to attend graduation!”
Mom was right. I couldn't afford a decent dress, so my teacher offered.
But after being hacked apart, drowned, bisected, choked, and having my throat slit in different variations, I can't say I was thrilled to wear it. The dress was ruined every time, reduced to tatters clinging to me.
Rolling over in bed, I pulled my phone from my nightstand.
Always the exact same notification illuminating my home screen.
GRADUATION DAY!! :)”
I fucking hated that notification.
Unknown number flashed up on screen.
“Hello?” I mumbled.
“How'd you die this time?”
Isaac Redfield's voice was muffled slightly. I think he was brushing his teeth.
“My throat was slit,” I said. “You?”
“You should know,” I heard him spit. “I mean, you did watch me fucking die.”
“That wasn't my choice.”
He spat again. “Does the woman in the black suit seem….familiar to you?”
I wasn't sure if he was screwing with me.
“Yes.” I said, dryly.
“No, not like that,” Isaac groaned. “I mean, don't you, like, recognise her? I swear I've seen this woman before.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I revelled in the slow passage of time.
7am to 8am was my favourite part of the day. I used to freak out, trying to leave town and find the best hiding place. Now, I just lay down and vibed.
There was something both terrifying and yet weirdly peaceful about knowing whatever happened, I was going to die.
“Dude, I've definitely seen her.”
I rolled onto my face. “Is that before she started brutally killing you in a never ending groundhog day, or after?”
Isaac paused, and I buried my head into my pillow. “Um, both?”
“Both?”
He was either going crazy or onto something.
I wasn't counting on the latter.
Isssc’s deaths were the most brutal. I wouldn't be surprised if the trauma had knocked something loose in his brain.
“Yeah.” his laugh was nervous, more of a splutter. Throughout our situationship, I had come to know his laughs well.
I knew his fake laugh, his trying not to cry laugh, his trying not to laugh laugh. I even knew his I’m losing my fucking mind, I'm going to die laugh.
But I didn't know his real laugh.
“Does that sound crazy, or…?”
Instead of answering him, I ended the call.
At breakfast, I could still taste my own blood.
Mom hovered over me, blonde streaks of hair hanging in her face.
Dressed in her fluffy pink bathrobe, my mother should have been a comfort.
However, I was yet to forget the seventh loop when I broke apart and told her about what was happening.
Mom immediately called the doctor, convinced I was having a psychotic break.
He said there was nothing wrong with me and let me go to school.
Where I was murdered.
Again.
That time, she didn't kill us individually, instead forcing us on to our knees and bleeding us out, one by one. I think I became desensitised to death, to everything, when I was forced to watch Mari choke on her own screams, her head forced forwards, a blade brutally protruding through her.
*Don't forget to thank Mrs Benson for the dress, honey,” Mom said, refilling my juice.
I nodded, struggling to swallow pancake mush.
A sudden knock on the door woke me up.
That wasn't supposed to happen.
For a moment, I was frozen, my hands squeezing around my glass, before a familiar head of brown curls appeared.
Isaac Redfield, barely awake, still in his pyjamas.
Following suit, Mari Cliffe and Annalise Chatham.
Isaac went directly into the refrigerator hunting for food. Annalise took an uncertain seat at the table, and Mari stood with her arms folded, her wide, frenzied eyes drinking in my kitchen.
Isaac Redfield was the British exchange student who nobody could understand at first, his accent rocketing him up the high school hierarchy. The guy was also known for dealing candy, and getting into unnecessary arguments with teachers. Alongside Isaac, Mari Cliffe, captain of the girl’s soccer team, and Annalise Chatham, our school’s version of horse girl, were unlikely friends.
They used to be strangers, kids I’d pass in the hallway.
After being brutally killed together in a never ending graduation day cycle, we had become surprisingly close.
When we were hiding in the janitor's closet, Isaac spilled to us that he hated the idea of college.
He wanted to travel the world.
Mari was crushing on one of her teammates.
Annalise actually hated horses.
Isaac was secretly scared of Bill Nye.
I had a thing for clowns I wasn't going to go into.
It started as a confessions thing, four strangers pouring our hearts out to each other.
We shared theories.
Isssc was convinced we were actually dead, and this was hell.
Mari suggested we were in some kind of prank show.
I voiced my theory, which was, yeah, we were dead. I was sure we had died on graduation day, and this was fate’s way of giving us companions in the great beyond. Still though, I wasn't sure why fate wanted us to be brutally killed.
Then, there was the mystery of our killer.
The woman in the black suit, our own personal angel of death.
“Morning,” Isaac greeted me with a sleepy smile, running his hands through his hair. He ignored my Mom’s wide eyes. “Thanks for leaving me to die.”
I thought back to him crouched in front of me, his face splattered in Noah, index pressed to his lips. Don't move.
“You told me not to move.” I said through a mouthful of pancakes.
Issac’s lips curled. “Yeah, because I was expecting you to move your ass.”
The boy helped himself to my pancakes, shovelling them down with maple syrup.
I wasn't used to the others actually coming to my house. That never happened. We either met up at school, or were killed before we even saw each other. I knew Isaac was secretly pissed.
It wasn't the first time I had thrown him under the bus. Still, I was yet to forget him ‘accidentally’ drowning me nine graduation days ago.
He said it was an accident, but I definitely felt him shove my head under the water so he could make a run for it.
“There wasn't enough room under the desk,” I told him pointedly, gesturing to my mother, who I think was still trying to register three strangers walking into her kitchen unannounced. Mom had been vocal about me finding friends since freshman year, but I don't think she was expecting these friends.
Mari was well known around town, our girl’s soccer team dominating the local gazette.
Annalise’s father was the principal of our school. She was also the 2014 pageant winner.
Isaac was more infamous, especially for his ‘candy’.
“What?” Isaac shrugged, shooting my Mom a grin. “It's not like she's going to remember me, anyway.” he offered her a two fingered salute, “Sup, Mrs Haverford.”
To prove his point, Isaac straightened up, grabbed my phone, and threw it in the microwave.
Mari chucked a banana at his head.
“We get it.” she said with an eye roll.
“You don't need to resort to blowing things up every single time.”
Isaac responded with stubborn British noises, but she was right.
On our third graduation day, Isaac thought we could kill the woman in the black suit by blowing her up with science equipment.
Instead, he blew himself up, leaving the rest of us to her mercy.
Mom seemed to snap out of it, her smile broadening.
“Oh! You didn't tell me you were bringing friends over!” Mom immediately entered mother mode.
“Do you kids want breakfast?” she asked them, her voice high, almost shrill.
Narrowly avoiding my mother pulling out baby pictures, I coaxed her out of the kitchen. The last thing she said, before I shut the door on her face, was, “Don't forget to thank Mrs Benson for the–”
When we were alone, Mari took centre stage, hoisting herself onto the counter.
The girl was a natural leader, so of course she was our spokesperson.
Mari absently ran her hands through strawberry blonde hair.
“We tried your idea,” she nodded to a sick looking Annalise. “We tried running, and that crazy bitch still got us.”
Annalise wrapped her arms around herself, avoiding Mari’s gaze. “It was a suggestion. I didn't think she was that fast.”
“I still think she's a sleeper agent,” Isaac muttered into his glass of juice.
Mari raised a brow. “Okay, but why would a sleeper agent go after five random high school students?”
He shrugged, his lips curving into a smile.
“Maybe it was an order.”
He dragged out the latter word, so it sounded more like, “Ordahhhhhhhh.”
“But who made the order?” Annalise spoke up.
I nodded. “The government, or the shadow government don't go after high school kids.”
Isaac leaned forward, comfortably resting his chin on his fist. “Soo, what do we do now? If we can't beat whatever this thing is, what do we do?”
Die.
That is what we did.
For ten consecutive graduation days.
I woke up. I ate breakfast (pancakes and orange juice), I went to school, and I was murdered.
I was hacked apart, burned alive, drowned, impaled, and beheaded.
And nothing worked.
Our plans to run failed.
We tried to get to the roof, but she was always there waiting for us.
The latest loop, I was actually hopeful.
Isssc’s plan to lure her to the downstairs gym was going well, and it was the first time I'd survived past 3pm.
It was an adrenaline rush. 3pm had never looked so fucking beautiful.
The plan was simple.
Annalise, Mari and me standing in plain sight the whole time, and Isaac luring our killer to the downstairs gym.
When I got the confirmation text that Issac had trapped the woman in the closet, the three of us continued our plan, which was to set off the fire alarm, and alert the police of the intruder.
Informing the police was impossible initially, because she was always one thousand steps ahead of the five of us.
But Isaac had captured her.
We were in the clear.
That's what I thought.
When we pushed through the doors into the gym, however, Isaac’s cry froze me in place.
“It's a–”
His voice collapsed into panicked muffle screaming.
I took two steps, before I saw his figure running towards me.
Behind him, the woman in the black suit.
Another stumbled step, and he was being dragged back, a hand over his mouth. I didn't think our killer had enough intelligence to turn our own plan back on us, transforming Isaac into a lure for us.
I could see the apology in his frenzied eyes before she sliced her knife through his skull. I didn't even get a chance to mourn him. Isssc flopped onto the ground, rivulets of red pooling down his face. For a second, I was transfixed, hypnotised, by what she had done to him. The back of his head spewed blood like a geyser, a gaping hole splitting the back of his skull open.
I couldn't move, already wanting to surrender.
I shuffled back on my hands, already screaming, wailing like an animal.
10.
I counted elephants, just like my mother told me.
9.
My gaze was glued to Isaac, whose body was still twitching.
8.
His glassy eyes, scarlet trails running down his face.
7.
The woman was fast, waiting for me to try and run.
6.
5
4.

I was on my knees, and the door was so far away.

“Just breathe, honey.” Mom used to tell me.
“Keep counting elephants.”
Mari’s scream rattled in my ears.
I remember ice cold arms wrapping around my waist, the sensation of something sharp. I didn't feel the pain, only wet warmth running down my face. It felt like rain. Annalise’s crying was enough of an anchor, but my vision was already going foggy. I wasn't sure where the fatal wound was, though I guessed it was my head, just like Isaac.
The woman in the black suit floated in front of me like a spectre.
Once again, her fingers wrapped around my neck, swinging me like a toy.
“Bonnie!”
I was aware of Mari’s thundering footsteps coming toward me.
Suddenly, pain.
Pain like I had never felt, pain that puppeteered my body, wrenching my head back, my lips forming an O.
Part of me could still feel it, the blade digging deep into my skull.
She twisted it, and I screeched, my mouth full of pancake mush.
Again, this time clockwise, and I felt my body go numb, my head hanging.
I could hear the sound of my skull splintering apart.
The woman in the black suit didn't just want to kill us.
She wanted to make us fucking suffer.
Reality contorted, and I was back in bed at home, screeching into my pillows before my body could hit the gym floor.
I think that was when I started to lose my mind.
I began to distance myself from the others, like we were strangers again.
The woman in the black suit hunted me down to the girls bathroom where I was hiding, drowning me in the toilet bowl.
Then, she came straight into my house when I refused to go to school, suffocating me with my stuffed rabbit.
Luckily, Isaac and Mari forced their way in.
Isaac was stabbed in the stomach, and Mari, impaled by a fucking hairbrush.
I had no idea you could be impaled by a hairbrush.
Isaac’s lifeless body dropped onto mine.
His expression almost made me laugh, like he was mid eyeroll.
Hysteria crept up my throat, days, months, years, centuries, of the same fucking day finally catching up to me.
I was shrieking with laughter when I was bludgeoned straight through the mouth.
“Bonnie!”
7am.
This time, I rolled onto my side, spewing up the taste of blood.
"Get up! I made your favorite! Chocolate chip pancakes… “
Mom’s voice felt and sounded like nails on a chalkboard.
Swiping stale barf from my chin, I took one look at my graduation dress and burst out laughing. Then I tore the thing to shreds, stuffing the tattered remains in my bedroom drawer.
Mom appeared when she wasn't supposed to, hovering in my doorway.
In her hands was a laundry basket, but looking inside, it was filled with flour and eggs.
Mom’s smile was wide. I wondered if she was having a mental breakdown.
“Bonnie, did you remember to say thank you to Mrs Benson–”
I cut her off, swallowing a shriek. “For the dress,” I said. “Yep. I’m going to.”
That day, I stepped into school wearing a curtain and crocks.
“That's not a good idea,” Isaac stood behind me, wearing his usual tux.
His smile was weak. I think he'd stopped with the fake optimism.
Now, I was seeing the real him.
Real Isaac was kind of an asshole, but real subtle about it.
“Do you really want to die wearing a curtain? How are you going to run?”
I glimpsed a knife stuck in his belt. “Are you planning on being the hero?”
“Nope.” he shot me a sickly smile. “It's to defend myself.”
Four hours later, the two of us were sprinting down the hallway.
I wielded Isaac’s knife, Isaac stumbling with a head injury I didn't dare look at.
Issac narrowly missed drowning, managing to claw his way out of the pool. I didn't see him hit his head on the side when our killer threw herself on top of him, but I did hear the sickening crack of his face hitting stone tiles, all of the breath being violently knocked from his lungs in a strangled, “Oomph!”
She tried to drag him into the water, only for him to kick her in the face.
Mari was dead, half of her torso in the swimming pool.
Annalise was hiding, but I didn't have hope for her.
“You said we might be able to drown her!” Isaac, soaking wet and pissed, tried each classroom door, with all of them being locked as usual. He twisted around to me, his lips set in a silent cry.
His head was bleeding, bad, a scary looking gash in his forehead.
I was watching a single thick rivulet running down his face when he shoved me.
“Why did you push me into the pool?”
It was payback.
For him drowning me 176 Graduation days earlier.
“You falling into the pool was a distraction.” was all I could choke out.
He didn't believe me. I could tell by his eyes, twitching lips trying not to smile.
“You have a really bad head injury,” I whispered, tugging him into a power walk.
I realized the guy had some serious confusion when Issac laughed.
“I know,” he slurred, “I feel kinda…dizzy.”
I thought he was going to burst out laughing again, when familiar stomping boots brought us both to a sobering halt.
Issac slammed his hand over his mouth, his eyes widening. He slowly moved the two of us back, his clammy fingers entangling with mine. “Fuck,” he muffle whispered. “Did she hear us?”
When the booted footsteps got louder, we had our answer.
Pushing Isaac into the next open classroom, I catapulted myself into a sprint, cold hands suddenly gripping my shoulders and tugging me backwards.
“Shhh. It's me.”
Noah Locke.
He distanced himself after being sliced apart right in front of us. Noah was the quiet kid, a short and stocky boy with reddish hair and glasses. I wanted to ask where the hell he'd been, when I glimpsed the kitchen knife in his fist.
Noah’s smile was sickly. “Do you trust me?”
He pulled us into a classroom, quietly shutting the door behind him.
Isaac’s cries followed us, and I resisted covering my ears.
“I'm sorry,” Noah said, before slitting my throat.
This time, it was fast.
I fell.
Down.
Down.
Down.
I waited for Mom’s voice to wake me up, but when consciousness did come over me, I wasn't in bed. I had zero idea where I was, only the sensation that I was floating. Opening my eyes, I was inside a glass tank, suffocating in a thick goo-like substance, my hair spread out around me in a halo.
When I panicked, my body jerking awake, warm hands wrapped around me, pulling me out.
I hit open air, my lungs expanding, and I hacked up blood streaked water.
Noah helped me sit, the two of us leaning against my tank.
He was soaking wet, his skin glistening with that foul smelling solution.
I took a second to drink in my surroundings.
A large room filled with human-sized tanks.
Reaching to the back of my neck, I gingerly prodded at what felt like an incision. I stood up slowly, my gaze already finding the tank next to mine.
Mari.
The girl was suspended in water, her eyes closed, lips parted peacefully.
“They tried to escape a while ago,” Noah murmured, his gaze glued to another tank.
Isaac.
His cheeks were a sickly pallid colour, eyes closed. There was something attached to the back of his head.
“But they're in the school,” I managed to get out. “I was just with Isaac!”
“You were with a null version of Isaac,” Noah didn't look at me. “The one who kept leading you to your death, even if it seemed accidental. He was playing you.” he buried his head in his knees.
“The real Isaac figured this wasn't real a long time ago.”
“Real Isaac?”
“Yeah. The one you've been with is more of a copy of him,” Noah sighed, leaning his head against Mari’s tank.
He spat out slime, adjusting his glasses.
“Think of him more as a shell, empty of his mind. This Isaac follows orders like an NPC. He had the guy’s memories and traits, but he was just a program.”
Too much information at once.
“I don't understand.”
Noah tipped his back, groaning. “You don't need to.”
He got to his feet. His eyes were dark, hollowed out caverns I couldn't recognise. “I'm sorry,” Noah said again, wrapping his hands around my neck and pinning me into one of the tanks.
Just like the woman in the black suit, Noah pressed enough pressure for me to suffer.
When he slammed my head against the tank, I felt my body shut down.
I could still feel him, his fingers squeezing the life out of me.
Darkness came soon after.
Swirling oblivion that swallowed me up, and then spat me out.
This time, I spluttered awake, cuffed to a bed inside a white room.
Surrounding me were fifteen gurney like beds.
“I don't know how deep we are,” Noah’s voice startled me.
The boy stood over me, this time dressed in shorts and t-shirt.
“What?” I tried to jump up, but I was strapped down.
“Miss Benson.” his voice broke. “She didn't want us to graduate, so she put us under.” he swiped at his eyes, gulping down sobs. Noah slumped down onto my bed. “I thought I could wake us up by killing ourselves instead, but we’re stuck.” I noticed the scalpel in his hand.
“The last thing Isaac told me was that we had to get back to the surface.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “But I don't know how deep this thing goes.”
Tugging against the velcro straps pinning me down, I held my breath.
“Deep?”
“Yeah.” he spluttered. “We’re pretty far under.”
With a heavy breath, he drew the blade across his own throat with just enough precision to keep himself breathing.
Deep red spotted the blanket, and the boy broke down.
“I can't wake us up,” Isaac whispered, grabbing a pillow and pinning me to the bed. I tried to shove him off of me, but he put all of weight onto me, laughing.
“Do you hear me, Isaac?” His hysterical cry followed me into the dark.
“I can't fucking wake us up!”
Death didn't feel like death at this point.
Like drowning, and then finding the surface.
Only to be pulled back into suffocating depths.
Plunging through nothing, empty space with no bottom, no surface.
Endless nothing that expanded, continuing.
Noah’s sobs collapsed into white noise and I felt my writhing limbs go still.
Once again, I waited for my Mom’s voice.
For Graduation Day.
Instead, I awoke with a shriek, strapped to a chair, my hands bound to Noah’s.
“I'm sorry for suffocating you with a pillow.”
He didn't sound apologetic.
This time, we were inside a glass building.
Above us, the sky was pitch dark.
“Where are we?”
“I have no idea,” Noah muttered. “I've never been this far.”
My gaze followed an odd looking bird through the skylight. “Meaning?”
“Meaning, she always takes me back to the start,” he said. “Graduation Day.”
Noah got free easily, tearing himself from his restraints.
The knots around my wrists were impossible. “So, you've been here before?”
“No.” he stumbled. “Isaac has.”
The boy dropped onto his hands and knees, picking up a single shard of glass.
“Isaac said he found a room with a skylight,” Noah murmured, sliding the point between his fingers. His gaze found the ceiling. “Then he went deeper, and his consciousness never came back to us. Mrs Benson sent a mindless fucking copy in his place.”
He got to his feet, the shard clenched in his fist.
“So, if I'm right… Isaac woke up, and Mrs Benson must have restrained the real him.” Noah stepped in front of me.
“And… like Isaac, we will wake up…” His frenzied eyes found mine. “Right?”
I wasn't thrilled with the idea of dying again, but anything to wake myself up.
“Do it.”
He nodded, and I felt the prick of the blade spike my skin.
“Wait.”
Noah stepped back, cocking his head. “What?”
“Why would Mrs Benson do this?” I demanded. “She didn't want us to graduate school, so she did all of this?”
Noah shrugged, playing with the shard between his fingers. “Why else would she do this?”
He pressed the shard into my neck.
“Wait.” I hissed out.
Noah’s frown was patient. “What now?”
“What if this is the real world?” I whispered. “We’ll be killing ourselves. For real.”
Noah’s lips pricked slightly. “Does this world look real to you?”
Before I could reply, he slashed my throat open.
I waited for the reset.
For the sensation of blankets wrapped around my head, and my mother’s voice.
Instead, my body was stiff, my eyes glued shut.
“Bonnie Haverford?” the voice was a low murmur. “Honey, can you hear me?”
There was something stuck in my arm, a sharp, cruel thing pinning me down.
“I did say she was awake, but nobody believed me.”
The British accent was almost a fucking melody.
Prying my eyes open, a figure was looming over me. It was a woman with a kind face, her expression soothing.
A paramedic.
I couldn't make out what the tag on her uniform said, though.
Around me, I could see my classmates wrapped in blankets being escorted to the door. There were fifteen or so futuristic looking pods, and I was lying in one, a plastic mask suffocating my mouth. Isaac stood next to the paramedic, a wary smile on his mouth.
The guy had a scary bandage wrapped around his head.
“Bonnie, right?”
This version of him didn't remember getting to know me.
Isaac pulled me to a sitting position, ignoring the paramedic’s sharp hiss of, “Please leave her where she is!”
A man dressed in white tried to throw a blanket around him, and he shrugged it off.
“I'm fine,” Issac muttered, gingerly prodding his head wound. “I won't be if you keep asking if I'm okay. Jeez.”
Ignoring the adults, he wandered over to the pod in front of me and pulled a half conscious Noah to unsteady feet.
Noah staggered, half lidded eyes finding mine. His smile was sickly.
It worked.
The two of them hugged, Isaac burying his head in the crook of the boy’s shoulder.
I wanted to talk to Noah, but the paramedic seemed pretty insistent that I stayed still so she could check me over.
I was barely aware of my surroundings when I was crawling into the back of an ambulance.
Reality felt wrong, like I was still stuck, still reliving the same day over and over.
But my town was real.
I dazedly watched traffic flying by, the sky darkening.
Time was moving forward again.
The world resumed, and graduation day had been and gone.
14 days to be exact.
Mrs Benson had us trapped for 14 days, and yet to me, it felt like a century.
Mom was at the station, immediately pulling me into a hug.
She put me under house arrest for a week, sentencing me to my room.
According to Mom, our teacher turned herself in.
Apparently, forcing her students into a slasher movie simulator was ‘tugging at her heart’.
I spent most of the summer lying in bed watching Disney movies.
Mom made me breakfast. Eggs and soldiers, just like when I was a little kid.
I was absently dipping my toast soldiers in egg, when she dropped an envelope in front of me. “If you want to testify, sweetie,” Mom had resorted to using her baby voice again, “But remember, you don't have to. It's your choice…”
Mom’s voice faded when I picked up the envelope, opening it up.
My name was printed on the front.
EINOOB DROFREVAH.
I blinked. “They printed my name upside down.”
Mom was behind me, frying more eggs.
“Hmm?”
In the time it took for the envelope to slip from my hand, I was only aware of one thing.
The woman in the black suit was standing in the doorway, her fingers wrapped around an axe. Noah was in front of me one minute, his eyes wide, lips parted in a scream. “It's not–”
The woman was quick to grab him, one hand going over his mouth, the other pressing the blade to his adam’s apple.
Real.
In one singular jerking movement, the boy’s blood was splattering my face, clouding my vision.
The woman in the black suit did not kill me.
She picked Noah up, threw him over her shoulder, and walked away.
“Did you remember to thank me for buying your graduation dress?” Mom asked, handing me a plate of fried eggs.
Her voice, though, felt too close.
Warm breath tickling my cheeks.
“Bonnie, are you listening to me? Did you remember to thank me, sweetheart?”
Reality was far more cruel than dream.
Reality was being unable to move, unable to breathe. It was like coming up for air, but at the same time, I was drowning. The real world was so cold, and yet warm wetness dripped down my chin. I was strapped to a metal table, something plastic lodged down my throat.
Through blurry vision, I could see my body.
I could see that my hair was so much longer, almost down to my stomach.
But there was something wrong.
Prickles of ice slithered down my spine, curls of panic setting my body into fight or flight.
At first, I thought I was in the emergency room.
Except this place didn't have doors.
The walls were sickly green, a bunker transformed into a sicko’s dungeon.
My body resembled a pin cushion, or a little girl’s idea of a doll.
When my eyes found my stomach that was barely being held together by fresh stitches, my mind started to come apart.
Noah was wrong.
Everything that has happened to me, to us, was real.
Being beheaded, ripped apart, sliced into.
Mrs Benson was just good at putting us back together.
My arms were skeletal, wires protruding into my veins.
I could see where I had been cut open, my paper thin hospital gown stained scarlet.
I couldn't count elephants.
Across the room, beds lined the walls.
On them was what was left of my classmates, mangled flesh still strapped down. Some of them had been cut into, severed apart, while others were attached to tubes, wires sticking into their spine and the back of their heads.
The floor was stained, writhing body parts and slithering entrails dried into yellowing tiles.
In the corner of my eye, Mari’s head was hanging open, the pinkish grey of her brain visible through the pearly white of her skull. She was still alive, still twitching in her restraints, plastic tubes full of fluid being fed directly into her head. When a thin river of red slid down her temple, I averted my gaze.
Barf was already in my mouth, splashing into my mask.
Annalise had tubes stuck to her, one eye scooped out, her pretty face mutilated.
Issac.
He was covered with a white sheet, a startling smear of scarlet where his head was supposed to be.
I could see his wrists still strapped down.
Mrs Benson stood in my line of vision, though I did see Isaac’s fingers curl slightly.
My teacher didn't speak when I shrieked through my mask, straining against velcro straps.
Mrs Benson’s smile was the one I used to like.
She lit up our classroom, like sunshine.
“Why don't we count elephants together, hmm?”
I found myself nodding, trusting the sunshine smile.
“One.”
Mrs Benson straightened up.
“Two.”
She strode over to Noah’s bed, replacing his blood soaked pillow with a fresh one, adjusting the tube in his mouth and planting a kiss on his forehead. I could see red dots marked across his skin, circled around his eyes.
“Three.” I found myself saying with her, my thoughts dancing.
Mrs Benson turned to me, her lips breaking out into a grin.
“That's right! Count with me, Bonnie.”
I closed my eyes, swimming in the drugs filling my body.
I was being pulled back down.
Down.
Down.
Down.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine…
Sinking through the ground, colours flashed in my eyes.
“Bonnie!”
Mom’s voice startled me awake, a raw cry choking through my lips.
Graduation Day was the same.
Mom made me breakfast.
Pancakes and orange juice.
I went to school wearing my graduation dress.
Isaac walked straight past me, running to catch up with his friends.
Mari ignored my attempt to call out for her.
Annalise ducked her head, hurrying to empty out her locker.
“Hello.”
Noah was standing behind me.
I could have cried.
But when I turned to talk to him, to tell him we were still trapped, his smile was wide, eyes glassy. In his arms was our yearbook. He handed me a pen.
“Do you mind signing it?” Noah chuckled. “I've got everyone but you.”
He opened it up onto the first page.
“It's Noah, by the way!”
Behind him, I glimpsed a familiar shadow, a woman striding towards me.
The lights above flickered, and I could already taste blood in my mouth. Noah didn't even flinch when I dropped the yearbook and stumbled into a run.
His smile was vacant, empty.
Just like he said.
An NPC.
I was already running for my life, and he kept talking to thin air.
When the woman in the black suit sprinted past him, his smile broadened.
“And you are?”

More has happened. For the first part Coffee date Pt 1 and context to this post. This one might be a bit longer.
So he messaged me again. I (18F) got a text from a random number the other day. I recognized the number as the one that called me twice (previous post). It was Bob (23M) texting me from his friends number. He apologized for what happened and how he acted and wanted me to give him another chance. Told me how he was just excited and had never dated anyone before. I send back a long paragraph telling him that even if he's never dated anyone before he should know basic respect and boundaries. EX: No asking me to hangout that will be my call and choice. No coming up to my work and sitting there just so you can say Hi to me and a few other things. (Keep the first one in mind). Along with telling him that calling me three times, twice from a random number, in under a span of half an hour all because he didn't see me at work is weird. I decided I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and allow him to text me still but I was going to bluntly put down rules and boundaries. Along with telling him that he's the older one and excited or not he needs to still act like an adult and be more mature. I right off told him I'm not doing calls or facetime. Just texting and to stop putting my number in random peoples phones.
I like to give people second chances. (And this has all passed and happened so the comments on the first post I totally get you. I just want outsiders opinions.) He deletes my number and our chat from the friends phone. I send him a few rules and boundaries on his number. He says he agrees to them then asks if I'm free to chat. We chat very basically and he tells me how his day sucked until he started chatting with me again. I then mention how I need to find a ride to this one shop, (my friend/coworker used to take me but he no longer works with me), cause the conversation we were having reminded me that I needed to go. He offers me a ride for there. I think on it because I don't drive or have a license. I think on it for a bit then agree that he can take me to the shop. But only there and back nothing else. Once off work he picks me up and we head to the shop (its 24 hour) and I get what I need and we head back to my place. During the 10-15 minutes we were in the car he asked me over five times to hangout. Suggesting stuff. All of which I decline. The next day was a day off for me and I told him I was just going to stay home and relax after working four days in a row along with I was doing stuff with my friend (lets call him Jasper) at some point in the day already. I have him drop me off at the gate so he can't see which building I walk into. I thank him for the ride and he once again offers to give me thee Stanley cup. I say sure I'll take it whatever. (I don't really care for those cups and I had told him that already) He gives it to me I say thanks then turn to walk away so I could go home.
What he does really pissed me off. He asks if I want a kiss. Like the thing middle schoolers do where they have a piece of Hershey kisses but don't show you the candy they just ask if you want a kiss. I know he's about to pull out the candy after he says that but I say no and that I don't like chocolate. Then head to my place. The moment I get home he texts me asking if I want to chat which I don't respond because I was on call with my longtime friend and it was already around 2:20am. On my days off I usually don't answer messages or anything unless its specific people because my job is socializing for 7+ hours day after day and I want alone me time. He texts me around 3pm on my day off asking once again if I want to go hangout at some park nearby. I don't respond cause I'm with Jasper.
Note: I live with Jasper.
Bob then texts me two hours later asking if I ever see us dating in the future because I seem cold to him. I don't respond once again. The next day he messages me again telling me how he has no interest in hanging out with me anymore because I'm extremely rude and disrespectful and that I owe him money for the cup. So I send back a long paragraph basically saying: You want to play that game lets do it. I gave you a second chance after making me uncomfortable. Gave you rules and boundaries to not cross which you then proceeded to do exactly that the exact same day we talked about it and that he needs to grow up. He then says he came to drive me at 2am and I reminded him that he offered and chose to do that and not once did I ask or beg him for a ride. He picked to do that himself. Along with I told him it was my day off, and he knew that, and that I was going to be relaxing and don't owe him a response. Told him how he asked at least five times to hangout in a 15 minute car ride and then he pulled the dumb "want a kiss" move. And then I called him a middle schooler.
I tell him not to go and make me a bad guy in this when he can't follow basic boundaries and respect that I bluntly put out there for him. He then tells me I deserve nothing good because I "can't understand when someone is being nice". I once again repeat the boundaries and rules he broke. (I repeat it at least six seven times and each time he ignores that point and just focuses on something else. So it becomes a cycle). He repeats that I don't deserve good things because I don't know when someone's being nice to me. He tells me I would be great with someone who can handle my ultra attitude and that he is a broken and sinful person as well. (Middle school sh*t fr) and that me having attitude to someone who likes me doesn't make sense. He then mentions the Bible (I'm not religious in the slightest so I could care less for what the Bible says. I do respect all religion but its don't quote stuff from the bible because I do not care.) I told him Jasper deals with my attitude just fine. He then says he doesn't understand how one cup of coffee would be a problem. So I curse at him a little because he just keeps blatantly ignoring my points on why I'm upset and so once again I tell him and call him an unbearable person because he can't even listen and chooses to focus on one thing that has no point in what the conversation is about. He calls my friend shitty and my job shitty (yet he eats there almost everyday. Crazy) and that he wants his cup back. I tell him the cup will be in the trash. He says he'll come to my work place and get it because he gave it to me out of his heart because he liked me. I tell him if he comes up to my work my manager will blacklist him. (My manager knows all about him and whats been going on). He said he can tell my manager what happened and that I threw away his precious cup. I tell him no need to explain anything my managers know about him.
He goes on to apologize for his harsh words and his stupid anger. I tell him I'm not sorry for anything I said. He asks what time he should get the cup. I give him a time. He then asks me to place it in a parking lot next to my work which I then ask him if he wants the cup or not cause if I leave it out like that it's getting stolen and if it does he better not ask me for any money. He then tells me to just hand it to him through drive and I tell him no. He then texts me a little later and tells me to just keep the cup and that he hopes I forgive him.
AITA? Was I to mean on this? Personally I don't think I was. I think my attitude was justified after everything. Let me know.

Fudge has been around since the early 1900s. When it was popularized as a non-alcoholic dessert treat during Prohibition in the United States, you could find fudge in almost any flavor you could imagine.
So it's no surprise that there are just as many kinds of fudge out there as there are flavors. However, next time you find yourself craving this sweet treat.
Check out this list of different types of fudge that you might not have known existed before! You'll be surprised at how many, and vast the range is between them!

Almond Joy Fudge

This fudge is for the coconut lovers out there. Almond Joy fudge is made with a milk chocolate base and has shredded coconut throughout. To top it all off, there are whole almonds on top for a little bit of crunch.
So, If you love Almond Joy candy bars, you'll love this fudge. It's a perfect different Type of Fudge for those who want a sweet treat without a ton of sugar! It also only takes 15 minutes to make!

Buckeye Fudge

Buckeye fudge is a classic chocolate and peanut butter fudge named after the Ohio state nut. It's a no-bake Different Types of Fudge that's easy to make and will please any peanut butter lover.
To make Buckeye fudge. This is to say, you'll need:

• 1 cup of sugar
• 1/2 cup of milk
• 1/4 cup of butter
• 1/2 cup of peanut butter
• One teaspoon of vanilla extract
• 6 ounces of chocolate chips

Salted Dark Chocolate Toffee Fudge

Move over, chocolate fudge, and It's time to give salted dark chocolate toffee fudge a try. This unique take on fudge is made with dark chocolate, toffee bits, and a touch of salt. The result is a rich and decadent treat perfect for satisfying your sweet tooth.
Nevertheless, go ahead, and indulge in this new flavor today! And don't forget to grab some recipes while you're at it.

Candy Cane Chocolate Swirl Fudge

This fudge is perfect for the holidays, as it combines the flavors of chocolate and peppermint. You'll need white chocolate, dark chocolate, and candy canes to make it. First, melt the white chocolate and dark chocolate together.
Then, add in the crushed candy canes and mix until combined. Pour the mixture into a pan lined with parchment paper and set it in the fridge for a few hours.
Once it's firm, cut it into squares and enjoy! It will be reminiscent of that old-fashioned holiday treat, Christmas fudge.

Peppermint Chocolate Fudge

This fudge is for the chocolate and peppermint lovers out there. It's a perfect holiday treat or any time you need a little something sweet.
However, To make this fudge, you'll need:

• 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips
• 1/2 cup peppermint extract
• 3 cups powdered sugar
• 1/2 cup milk
• 1/4 cup butter
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract -1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
• 1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder

White Chocolate Cranberry Pecan Fudge

This type of fudge is perfect for the holidays, as it combines the flavors of white chocolate, cranberries, and pecans. It's a bit more tart than your typical fudge recipe, but the white chocolate's sweetness helps balance it out.
Moreover, This fudge is also a bit lighter in color than your typical chocolate fudge, making it a festive addition to any holiday platter. Plus, with all these healthy ingredients, you don't have to feel guilty about eating Different Types of Fudge!

Simple Chocolate Fudge

The classic chocolate fudge is a simple recipe that only requires a few ingredients. Chocolate fudge is perfect for those who want a quick and easy dessert that satisfies their sweet tooth.
This fudge can be made with milk, dark or white chocolate. Adding nuts, dried fruit, or marshmallows is optional but can add some extra flavor and texture to your Different Types of Fudge.
In addition, Ingredients include sugar, butter, corn syrup, vanilla extract, salt, cocoa powder (optional), chopped nuts (optional), and dried fruit (optional).
Directions involve melting the butter in a saucepan over medium heat. Then mix in the sugar and corn syrup until it dissolves.
Also, remove the heat and add the remaining ingredients before stirring well until everything is combined.
Pour into an 8x8 inch pan lined with parchment paper, then refrigerate for at least 4 hours before cutting into squares when chilled.

Sea Salt and Nutella Fudge

This fudge is perfect for those who love a bit of salty with their sweet. The key to this fudge is in the balance; too much salt will be inedible. And also too little, and you might as well be eating Nutella straight from the jar.
So, the best way to achieve the perfect balance is to start with a small amount of salt and add more to taste. Remember, a little goes a long way!
Chocolate-Dipped Fudge: When looking at different types of fudge, chocolate-dipped fudge should never be overlooked.
On the other hand, To make this delicious concoction, make your desired flavor of homemade or store-bought fudge.
Once your fudge has been set up. (typically 30 minutes) dip one side into melted chocolate chips or white chocolate chips and allow to set up again before eating!

Coconut White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Fudge

This fudge is made with white chocolate, macadamia nuts, and coconut. It's a delicious tropical twist on the classic fudge flavor you know and loves.
Therefore, combining these flavors will surely leave you wanting more. If you're looking for a decadent treat, this might be your next go-to option for different Types of Fudge.

Spicy Mexican Chocolate Fudge

This fudge is made with chocolate, cinnamon, cayenne pepper, and chili powder. It's perfect for those who like their sweets with a bit of heat.
In short, the spices in this fudge recipe give it a unique flavor that sets it apart from other Different Types of Fudge of chocolate fudge. This is the one to go with if you're looking for something that'll warm you up on a cold winter day.

Easy Mocha Fudge

This fudge only requires four ingredients and can be made in the microwave: mix chocolate chips, sweetened condensed milk, instant coffee powder, and vanilla extract. Then, microwave for two minutes and stir.
More so, Pour it into a lined pan and let it set. For an extra touch, top with whipped cream or mini chocolate chips! M&M's Fudge: To make this, melt butter and then add M&Ms to the melted butter.
Add sugar, cocoa powder, vanilla extract, and evaporated milk to taste. Stir well before pouring into a pan lined with parchment paper. Let cool at room temperature before cutting and eating your Different Types of Fudge.

Pecan Buttermilk Fudge

A Southern classic with a twist, this fudge is made with buttermilk and pecans. It's the perfect balance of sweet and savory, and it's sure to please any crowd. As you can tell from its name, Mexican Chocolate Walnut Fudge is inspired by the flavors of Mexico.
Cinnamon, along with chocolate and walnuts, gives this Different Types of Fudge flavor. And added a layer of flavor that makes it stand out from other varieties.
Whereas, If you're not into nuts, you can use some nut-free filler instead—peanut butter works well! I'd recommend whipping up one batch each time because these treats will never be gone!

Peanut Butter Nutella Swirled Fudge

This fudge is for the peanut butter and Nutella lovers out there. It's a two-for-one deal of deliciousness. The fudge is creamy and smooth, with a rich peanut butter flavor and swirls of Nutella throughout. This recipe is for you if you're looking for a unique twist on classic fudge.
Notably, the best part? There are only four ingredients, so it's easy to make. Make sure to use quality ingredients when making these Different Types of Fudge to have a good taste and texture.
And be careful not to overheat your chocolate as it melts, or it will separate from the other ingredients (speaking from experience).

Cookies and Cream Fudge

This type of fudge is made with, you guessed it, cookies and cream! The perfect mix of two classic sweets, this fudge will surely be a hit for anyone who tries it. To make it, combine crushed cookies with cream and cook until thickened.
Then, pour into a pan and let cool. Once it's set, cut it into squares and enjoy! Remember that these Different Types of Fudge can be charming, so they're probably best as an after-dinner treat.
For those looking for something with more coffee flavor, check out Mocha Latte Fudge below!

Maple Walnut Fudge

A classic fudge flavor, maple walnut fudge is an excellent choice for those who want a traditional taste with a slight twist. The addition of walnuts gives this fudge a unique texture.
Also, a flavor that sets it apart from other Different Types of Fudge. To make this type of fudge, you'll need:

• 1 cup of chopped walnuts
• 1/2 teaspoon of maple extract
• 3 cups of sugar
• 1/2 cup of milk
• 1/4 cup of butter
• 1 tablespoon of vanilla extract

Eggnog Fudge

This fudge is perfect for those who love the holiday drink. It's made with eggnog, of course, as well as heavy cream, white chocolate, and nutmeg.
Similarly, If you want to get festive, you can top it with green and red sprinkles. There are also Eggnog Cookies that taste like gingerbread cookies with eggnog frosting.

Penuche Fudge

A smooth and creamy chocolate fudge made with just a few ingredients. This is the ultimate chocolate fudge recipe for those who want a rich and decadent treat.
Also, How to Make Chocolate Fudge (five sentences): A step-by-step guide to making chocolate. Different Types of Fudge that are perfect for beginners. This foolproof recipe yields rich and creamy results every time.
Conclusion
Fudge is a type of confectionery that can be made in various ways—using Different Types of Fudge ingredients and techniques. The result is a delicious, sweet treat that people of all ages can enjoy.
Moreover, While the classic chocolate fudge is always a favorite, there are many other flavors and variations to explore.
So next time you're in the mood for something sweet, don't forget about fudge! Whether it's the traditional or just one of its tasty variations, it's sure to satisfy your sweet tooth.

Title: I am 31 years old, make $92,600 base, live in Northern Alberta, work in Forestry, and recently returned to work after a year off for maternity leave.

• All $ in CAD. $1 CAD to $0.73 US.
• I will call my spouse H.
• We aren’t looking to change spending habits too much, this was more a fun exercise to see what we spend and how we’re doing financially now that I am back to work.

HHI: $166,000
Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance: Total $76,431 (joint)

• My retirement accounts include a DCPP of $62,495, an RRSP of $8125, and a TFSA of $130
• H’s only has a spousal RRSP of $5631
• DCPP amount is from a 5% base contribution plus 2% matching from my employer, and 3% from me. I have had this account since 25 (when I started at the company) and have done the matching the entire time except during my maternity leave. They continued the 5% base while I was off on maternity leave, I had the option to get the matching as well but we couldn’t swing the cost while I was only on EI.
• RRSPs are mostly from excess benefits money. I have flex benefits and get an annual amount to “spend”. Before we had our kid there was about $500/month split going into our RRSPs. Now we do $42.30/month split ($21.15 for each). The spousal RRSP means I can claim this on my taxes, instead of him claiming on his.
• TFSAs will be our next focus once we’ve caught up on the annual bills from May to July - annual house insurance and two vehicle insurances. We haven’t been consistent with depositing into our TFSA’s, so we have $80K+ room in each.

Equity: The house is worth $400,000. We owe $303,000. Equity is $97,000.
Savings account balance: $450 in emergency savings (this is a priority starting in August to beef up), $2000 in property taxes sinking fund (to be spent by July)
Checking account balance: $5288.15 - we both got paid today so I will be moving money around and this number will be down a lot by the end of the day.
Credit card debt: $16,635

• $12,855 LOC. This is entirely from vehicles - before I went on maternity leave H sold his truck and we took a $9500 loss - pulled the money out of the LOC to pay off the lien. In April, we needed a different vehicle so we took $6500 out of the LOC to purchase a new-to-us car. We have yet to sell the vehicle we replaced, but when we do that money will either go onto LOC or into emergency savings. We’re aiming to get $3000 for the sale.
• $530 My CC. This is from not budgeting for two road trips I took in the last two weeks, plus some other overspending on random things.
• $3250 H CC. This is from overspending on groceries/gas and vehicle expenses.

Student loan debt: $0

• H went to trade school (8 weeks/year for 4 years) to become a journeyman mechanic
• I took a 2-year diploma program that cost $12,000 (including books and random spending). My parents saved up $20K for me to go to college/university, so I got about $8,000 in cash from my mum once I graduated as I didn’t use all of the savings for school.
• I lived with my mum while in college and H lived with roommates so his income went to rent/groceries/bills and I had basically no living expenses as my mum covered everything.
• When he went to trade school I was working, so I covered our bills while he was off (and he got EI and some grants during that time frame).

Other Info:

• H and I have had combined finances since we were 19 when we married. This has greatly changed our financial situation.
• I have access to an employee stock purchase plan - I have about $1400 in my company stocks with no plan for them at the moment.
• I got a salary top-up when I went on maternity leave. My employer covered my 1 week EI waiting period and topped up to 100% salary for 11 weeks. The rest of the time I was off I was getting $1158 biweekly from EI.
• We qualify for the Climate Action Incentive from the federal government. This is about $1200/year.
• We get CCB for our kid of $140.61/month. This will increase to $273.74/month come July as our annual income was less in 2023 compared to 2022.

Net Worth: $164,484
Section Two: Income
Income Progression (Post College/Trade School):

• H has been in his field for roughly 8 years and his starting salary was about $37,000 ($19/hr). Two years ago, he took a $20/hour pay cut moving from a journeyman mechanic ($45/hr) to a service advisor ($25/hr). He’s since gotten a $10/hr pay increase from switching employers and switching roles/getting a raise. H now makes $72,800 not including any overtime, which he does get fairly regularly.
• I've been working in my field for 8 years, and my starting salary was about $41,000. I have not changed careers, but I have changed employers. I got two raises when at my first job post-college from $20/hr (41,000) to $23/hr ($47,800) to $30/hr ($62,400). When I started at my current employer in 2018 I was offered $78,000 annually, plus moving benefits (approx $2000). I’ve consistently gotten a 2-5% raise every year (except this year - but I did get a raise 2 weeks before going on leave) or have gotten promoted and am now making $92,600 before bonuses. I get two bonuses a year, one is based on company performance and has been $0 to $10,000. My other bonus is performance-based and has been anywhere from $1200 to $4000. I got both bonuses while on maternity leave, the company performance one was cut in half based on hours worked. I also had to pay back EI because of my bonus income.

Main Job Monthly Take-Home:
Mine: $4768.90 (two paycheck months)

• My monthly deductions include ESPP $213.60, DCPP matching $213.60, social club $5, flex benefits $26, plus taxes $701.27, CPP $203.97 and EI $59.14. In September I usually have an increase in my monthly take home as my CPP/EI is maxed out, but this might not happen this year as my RTW date was the end of April.

H: $3687.28

• H gets an advance on the 15th of $1000 and at the end of the month gets the rest of his pay. His end-of-the-month pay has ranged from $2600 to $3900 already this year because of illness, time off and short months.
• H’s deductions include taxes $623.25, EI $78.23, CPP $263.07, and $61.10 of HCP, but we’re not 100% sure what the HCP is cause he declined his benefits. This reminds me he should talk to payroll and see what’s up with that. He hits his 1st anniversary in August so we’ll see if he ends up maxing out CPP/EI in September or so.

Side Gig Monthly Take-Home:

• I craft and go to some markets and things, but don’t make much after counting all my costs. If I didn’t sell things I made, I’d have no room for craft storage!
• I am working on a custom quilt that when finished will bring in $275.

Any Other Monthly Income Here:

• As said above, we qualify for the CAI and CCB. CCB is $140/month currently and CAI is $400 quarterly.
• I get $500/year from my benefits to spend wherever and however I want. So far this year I’ve spent it on clothes and hiking boots. I have $190 left.

Section Three: Expenses

• Mortgage: $950 bi-weekly - $1900/month on 2 pay period months.
• Property Taxes: Sinking fund of $185/biweekly (we pay this annually in June. It is $2250 this year, last year was $1950).
• Home Insurance: $1640 annually. We pay this in full in July. I expect it to increase this year, but I’m unsure how much.
• Retirement Contribution: In addition to pre-tax contributions above, starting in August, biweekly contributions will be $377 to H’s TFSA and $226 to mine. H’s is more as I have my DCPP and when H’s total is closer to even or maxed out, I’ll max out mine.
• Savings Contribution: $200/biweekly starting in July, we also will have a home maintenance fund and will save $425/month.
• Debt Payments: LOC minimum is $130/month. We pay anywhere from $200 to $2000/month. This will increase come August, and the LOC will be paid off in May 2025. Both CCs should be paid off by September.
• Donations: $20/month to the animal shelter, and $20/month to SOS, I also volunteer at least 5-15 hours a month to a local sports group and to the foundation my MIL set up after my BIL passed. I sit on the board for both non-profits. We also randomly donate money to other things, or go in on 50/50 raffles different nonprofits have.
• Utilities: In the winter $600/month, the summer around $300/month. Gas and electricity combined. I live somewhere where it hits -40C and +40C depending on the time of the year.
• Garbage Rental: $40/month, $120/month when we get it dumped - approximately every 4 months. We live on an acreage and instead of carting garbage bags to work every week or going to the dump, we rent a dumpster for the driveway and call to have it dumped when it's full.
• Septic System Inspection/Cleaning: $400/year
• Internet: $105/month for unlimited fibre optic.
• Cellphone: $70/month for H. I have a work phone at no charge.
• Subscriptions: Amazon Prime $99/year, Spotify $11.54/month, Patreon $10.50/month (Money Feels <3), PlayStation Plus $32/quarter, Kindle Unlimited $10/month, Crunchyroll $9.99/month ($60.95/month total)
• Pet expenses: Roughly $100/month for food and litter for our two cats. Plus $400/year for an annual checkup. This will go up some as they age and probably have to have dental cleanings done.
• Car Insurance/Registration: No payments we own both vehicles outright. Insurance is $1500/year for both vehicles, we pay this in May/July. H spends around $300/month on gas as we live 30 min out of town. I have a work truck so I have no commuting costs. Annually we spend $160 on registration. AMA is 262.50 annually in July.
• Paid Hobbies: Don’t have fixed costs for these right now as we cut them out while I was on maternity leave. In January though, we’ll each get $100-200/month for hobbies.
• Daycare: $900/month ($450 the 1st and 15th). This is slightly more expensive than some others we found and does not qualify for subsidy or grants, but L loves her day home and the caretaker is great.
• Life/Disability Insurance: $125/month for both of us. This is $500K each for life and $100K each for critical illness.
• Food: Roughly $800/month in groceries and I’m not sure about eating out. Since going back to work a month ago life has been hectic so we’re spending more than usual on eating out/convenient foods. H has ADHD and forgets his lunch at home or in the car every day which is a waste, so he buys lunch either at the nearby grocery store or restaurants. I sometimes pack leftovers and sometimes go get food. I’ve been trying to get freezer meals and leave them at the office so I don’t have to pack things back and forth and we haven’t been making meals with leftovers.
• L’s Baby Supplies: $75/month? We have to buy diapers and wipes monthly pretty much.
• House Cleaners: This is an expense we had before H took his pay cut, and we’ve been slowly putting it back in the budget on and off. Roughly $200/clean which happens sporadically as the house is a mess and there is no time for two working parents to clean with an 11-month-old butt scooting everywhere. She always manages to find floor snacks
• Family: We send my sister-in-law money on a fairly regular basis, anywhere from $20-$100. She always pays us back, but we treat this as a write-off in case she doesn’t.

—
Day 1 - Friday
2 am - L wakes up and I get her back down 3 times before 3 am. At 3, H takes her out of the room to burn some energy before they both come back to bed roughly an hour later. Thanks, L. Thank you, H I was getting pretty frustrated with our darling child.
6:30 am - The first alarm goes off and I grab L for a cuddle and morning nursing session. Once she’s done, she rolls around and tries to climb both of us to get our phones before we all get out of bed at 7. Today is a PJ movie day at daycare so we don’t bother dressing her only changing the diaper and then H and L are out the door by 7:15. I leave for work at about 7:45 after doing some putting around.
8:15 am - I get to work and my first stop is the coffee machine. I get back to my office after talking to a few coworkers about our social club golf event next weekend. I see that an industry-specific mentor cohort program is open for applications so I find my most recent resume (2021!) and do a major update before applying. This year one of my goals is to work on leadership skills and mentoring so why not apply?
9 am - I had a hard time finding a bra this morning so I go online and purchase two new ones from the local bra-tique for pickup. My total is $170 after my 10% discount for signing up for their email list. This money is coming from my $500 annual work benefit for whatever I want and I now have $20 left. I eat my breakfast at my desk - yoghurt and homemade granola today.
11 am - I have a webinar on caribou to attend so I log into Zoom and while it's loading, pull up our cashflow forecaster to get the payday finances done before the weekend. $1750 to H’s cc to cover some overspending/vehicle expenses, $100 to the LOC, $373.10 for utilities, and $450 for daycare. Total is $2673.10 I’m not sure if I should include the bills in the daily writeups, but ah well. Day 1 spending is off to a great start.
1 pm - I get the notification that my bras are ready for pickup. Woohoo! I get new bras for the weekend! I send $50 to H’s TFSA once I confirm the bank account is connected.
2:30 pm - Eating lunch now as breakfast was so late. Freezer butter chicken with broccoli. I only have 1 more freezer meal at work so I make a note to restock.
3:30 pm - I work on some cycle times for the log haul for this coming logging season. It takes me a few minutes to remember exactly what I’m doing and how to do it. I am super glad I came back to work at the end of April as I get 3-ish months of slow time to get back into the swing of things before work starts to pick up.
4 pm - I am struggling to do any more than format my Excel sheets so I figure it’s time to pack it up and head home.
4:30 pm - After picking up my bras, I go to Once Upon A Child for some cheap baby clothes. L is in between sizes and we somehow managed to misplace all her more summery sleepwear so I’ve been grabbing a few here and there. OUAC has a sale on, 5 sleepers for $15 so I grab 5 of those and 4 other onesies for summer. We have a family photoshoot on Canada Day and I’ve been hunting for something that’ll match L’s ribbon skirt. $30.45
5 pm - I stop at the store to check the mail and grab a 12-pack of mixed tequila smashes. $37.55
5:30 pm - H calls. He’s off work and headed to get L. I pull burgers and fries out of the freezer, start up the BBQ and get the air fryer going.
6:05 pm - H and L arrive home in perfect time as the burgers and fries just finished cooking. I have an open Pineapple Tequila Smash and I hand H one to drink with supper too. L also has a veggie pouch with the burgers and fries.
7:20 pm - L is in bed nursing to sleep after her bath while H preps episode 4 of Obi-Wan Kenobi for us to watch. We watched it when it was first coming out, but he saw the discs at Walmart last week and figured to grab them. We thought we hadn’t seen all the episodes, but so far we’re 3:3 so we might’ve seen them all.
7:40 pm - L is down and out and I sneak out of the bedroom. I start a load of laundry and find the two bras I couldn’t this morning and handwash them. I sit down with H and we watch some Obi-Wan Kenobi.
10 pm - I check my email and see one from a local photographer group I really like. I’ve done at least two shoots with all 3 of them separately before and they’ve now joined forces. I went to their open house yesterday and won 50% off a boudoir package in 2024. I’ve wanted to book in since they announced their group, so I go through their open spots and book for November. My initial deposit is $262.50.
10:30 pm - We finished the last 3 episodes and watched all previously except for the finale. Of course. It was pretty good, but near the end, I started to scroll on my phone more than pay attention to the show. I swap the laundry, shower and head to bed at 11 pm.
H’s spending Day 1: $7.54 for lunch, $267.58 on vehicle parts/oil change that we didn’t budget for. Normally we would’ve, but communication is kinda crappy atm, and I think that’s due to sleep deprivation.
Day 1 total: $775.62 spending + $50 to TFSA. Oof off to a spendy start for the pay period.
—
Day 2 - Saturday
2:40 am - L is awake again and not going back down. This time it’s my turn. It’s already been a not-great night, hopefully, this 2 am party time doesn't keep happening.
4 am - We go back to bed. Our internet is on autopay and the notification comes through for my credit card. $105
7:20 am - L is up for the day. I don’t want to get out of bed yet, so I cuddle H and L rolls around, tries to stand and almost deletes everything on my phone. Then she notices my boobs so it’s time for a quick nurse.
8 am - I run the coffee machine and get breakfast going. We’re having pancakes this morning. While they’re cooking I pop some milk in the frother to make a fancy coffee. TBD if I drink it while it’s still hot. I feed the cats their morning meal.
8:30 am - H gets up and I’m still cooking. He grabs a coffee and takes L into the living room so I don’t trip over her and the plastic container horde.
9:30 am - H plays some Baldurs Gate 3 and L watches while I sort through the laundry I did last night. I try to get dressed and none of my shorts fit anymore so off in the donation bag they go. It’ll be a summer of dresses I guess! I start another load of laundry.
9:50 am - L is ready for a nap. Just kidding she just wanted some boob instead. We go outside afterwards to get some morning sun. Hopefully, this will tire her out and she will go down for a nap later! She hasn’t been big on sleep since she was born and gets major FOMO so we have no semblance of a schedule on weekends.
10:45 am - I bring L back inside and change her into outfit #3 for the day. Her trike got rained on and she gets soaked when she sits in it. I switch the laundry over, start yet another load and then pass L to H so I can head to the store, fill the Jerry can with gas for the lawnmower and do the recycling. 20 L of gas is $32.78 and I grab two lime slushes for H and I ($5.19). It’s +20 already and gorgeous. Total $37.97
11:30 am - L is ready for a nap! By 11:50 she’s down and I head outside to mow some of the lawn. It’s usually a 4 hr job so I don’t think I’ll get it all done today.
1 pm - I head inside for lunch, we’re having tuna sandwiches. L napped for 20 min and I didn’t get more than half the lawn mowed. After lunch, we head into town to hang out with my friend K and her two kids. We met in college back in 2014 and have babies of a similar age so it’s always nice to go over and visit.
4:30 pm - We leave K’s house and I swing by Wendy’s for a cold coffee-type drink for the drive home. I try the chocolate frosty-cinno and it’s terrible. Should’ve just gone to Tim’s for an ice cap. $4.19
5:05 pm - L fell asleep on the drive home so I hang out in the car with the windows down for another 5-10 minutes before moving things inside. She wakes up and we head in. H picks a meal and starts making dinner. L is fussy and still tired so I nurse her and we hang out in the cool basement while H cooks. I sort through the laundry that finished off today.
6 pm - H is still cooking our dinner, I reheat leftover pasta for L. H runs her bath and I bath her. She’s still grumpy on and off so she’ll probably be going to bed right after this.
6:45 pm - H and I eat chicken wings and shrimp poppers. L has decided it’s not bedtime yet, I tried to put her down and she got a second wind instead.
9:30 pm - I work on the website for one of the non-profits I volunteer for once L goes to bed at 8. After I’m done, I head into the craft room and work on the custom rag quilt project. One row left to sew together, then to put the final 5 rows together, figure out my borders and start cutting all the edges! It’s not ‘due’ until mid-July but I’d rather get it done sooner and not have to rush. My SIL texts and asks to borrow $50 till Thursday, I send it over out of my spending.
11 pm - H and I both go to bed after some kitty snuggles
Day 2 total: $92.16 (not counting $105 for internet)
—
Day 3 - Sunday
7 am - L is awake and I nurse her a couple of times cause she can’t decide if she’s happy or not. It was a decent night, but she must still be tired from not napping much yesterday. It’s my day to sleep in so H takes her out of the room by 7:30.
9:30 am - I get up make some coffee and slowly start on breakfast
10:30 am - L and I are eating breakfast, I made scrambled eggs, fried up leftover sausage, tomato and she also has two crackers with cream cheese. H and I wrote up a grocery list before I sat down and he’s off to town to get groceries and fuel up the car before the work week starts. Usually, H and his best friend C have a grocery shopping bro-date every Sunday, but C and his family are out camping this weekend so H heads in alone.
11 am - L is ready for a nap. I put her down and fold her laundry and the house laundry, taking a few breaks to scroll Reddit or Facebook and drink more coffee.
12:30 pm - L woke up and is kinda grouchy so we have a dance party to elicit baby giggles. H gets back from shopping and we put the groceries away, they cost $374.03. This is actually cheaper than the last few times we did a stock up so that’s nice! Groceries include ground beef, frozen chicken, wings, fries, cucumber, tomatoes, grapes, bananas, yoghurt, frozen lunches, macaroni, Ichiban, burgers, buttermilk, perogies, frozen fruit, frozen veggies, gravy mix, hollandaise mix, and more. We’ve been buying more convenience foods lately, but I do have 3 suppers planned for the week. He also grabbed me a big coffee mug for $6. He got gas for $60.83, and once we unload the groceries, he runs to the store for bacon, 2 jars of our favourite cowboy candy (pickled sweetened jalapeños), chips and a Starbucks frappe drink for $41.93. I make some sandwiches for lunch for tomorrow so I don’t have to scramble in the morning.
1 pm - Lunch is Ichiban noodles for H and I and baby charcuterie for L - strawberries, grapes, ham, cheese, and cucumber. We head outside afterwards to enjoy the weather, L is so close to walking, she pulls herself up onto everything right now. She has an after-lunch snack of mown grass and dandelions.
3 pm - We’re back inside and H puts on Die Hart 2. L goes down for her second nap at 4:15 and we finish the movie. I wake L up at 5:45 so she doesn’t sleep too long. When she wakes up she makes a face identical to her dad’s and it’s hilarious.
7 pm - H is cooking dinner, we’re having eggs Benny and bacon for supper. I prep L’s diaper bag for tomorrow and we run it out to the car. I also put all my laundry away so the closet is ready for the week. H sits on the chair once we’re done dinner and both cats flock to him and spread themselves over his legs.
9:45 pm - I finish off piecing the quilt top and head downstairs to shower. L is getting tired too so as soon as I’m done we head to bed. H is not far behind us.
Daily 3 total: $482.79. This is pretty usual for a grocery shop day.
—
Day 4 - Monday
6:35 am - My alarm goes off. Can’t lay in bed today as I need to meet my coworkers at the office at 7:30 am. We’re doing a team bonding mountain hike and it’s a 2.5 hrs drive away. I grab a banana, toast a bagel, add cream cheese and I’m out the door before 7 after filling up the cats' food.
7:30 am - I get to the office, fill up a water bottle, make a coffee and grab a few things from my office. Almost everyone is there, and we leave at 7:45
9:45 am - We’re there! I’ve seen 2 moose, 1 mule deer, 1 elk and almost hit 2 caribou on the highway already today! We start up the trailhead at about 10 am
1:00 pm - This mountain is much steeper than anticipated. A coworker and I decide at about 300 metres to the top that we shouldn’t push it. The last km has been extremely steep and we’ve hit our max. The rest of the group has gone ahead and summitted. We eat our lunch with a great view and start the trek back down.
3:30 pm - We’re back at the trucks! 11.2 km round trip. We hit the road to head home and stop at Dairy Queen for a celebratory ice cream. I spend $4.92 on a medium dip cone.
6 pm - Back at the office. I call H and let him know I’m headed home now and he suggests chicken wings for supper. I’m down for anything as long as I don’t have to cook.
7 pm - We all eat dinner. L has some veggie pouch, chicken wings/nuggets and leftover pasta. I am almost too tired to eat. One cat keeps trying to get L’s nuggets so he gets in trouble and shooed out of the dining room.
8:15 pm - I try to put L to bed and she goes down for a bit but decides ultimately that it’s not actually time for bed.
8:40 pm - I go and have a hot, hot shower, my muscles are sore and tomorrow might not be fun. L and H party in the TV area, she’s pulling herself up onto everything and trying to crawl up the couch. Not sure where she got this energy from! One of our cats comes for some aggressive cuddles and pets and H puts his dirty t-shirt on the chair for him. Our cat loves dirty laundry it’s hilarious.
9:20 pm - Time for bed for everyone. Hope tonight is a good night and we all can get some rest.
Day 4 Total: $4.92 (this would have been covered by one of the superintendents but a few people got ahead of her in line so she couldn’t pay for us all). My card is also charged by the garbage disposal company for the dumpster ($40.43 - counted in the bills above).
H didn’t spend any money today.
—
Day 5 - Tuesday
7 am - The first alarm went off at 6:30, but we are all tired and don’t want to wake up. I nurse L for a bit then we get up at 7. I’m pretty sore this morning so I’m not moving too fast. Get her dressed and H and L leave by 7:10. H fed the cats this morning so I don’t have to.
7:30 am - I forgot to pay H’s other cc and it’s due in 4 days so I pay it off now - $93.80 (random Amazon purchases and my KU). I pull some chicken out of the freezer to defrost and make my breakfast of homemade granola, hemp hearts and yoghurt. I leave the house around 7:45 to head to work.
8:20 am - I get to the office and immediately get asked some questions about blocks we have slated for this Fall/Winter. I’m not 100% sure of the answer and have to double-check with my boss. I grab a coffee and chat with the head boss before my boss arrives. I clarify what I need and relay the info back to my coworkers.
9:30 am - I eat my breakfast while I scroll through online courses offered by my company. I got an email yesterday of one I’m supposed to take so I book into that.
11 am - I book H and myself massages, 2 each - one this month and one next month.
12:30 pm - I took a long time to eat breakfast so I’m not quite hungry yet. I grab my running shoes from the truck and take a slow walk on the elliptical to help my sore muscles. This morning hasn’t been too busy, but I’m having a hard time starting my next big task (cycle time calculations) so hopefully the slow walk helps some.
1:30 pm - I’m back at my desk and diving into cycle time calculations. H grabs KFC for lunch $24.12
2 pm - Lunch time, I’m having a leftover sandwich from yesterday, a grapefruit cup, grapes and strawberries. I also grab a chai with milk from the coffee machine. I eat while I plug away at the cycle times.
3:45 pm - I finish off one section of cycle times and my brain has had enough. I go fill my water bottle and chat with a few coworkers. At 4:15 pm someone comes by to sign a few cheques I asked for and I leave the office at 4:30 pm
4:40 pm - H grabbed buttermilk instead of heavy cream and I need it for supper tonight so I swing by the grocery store. Then, I head out of town to a colleague’s house to drop off one of the cheques. $4.95
5:15 pm - I check the mail, get home and start cooking. We’re having Skillet Dijon Chicken with Asparagus and Mushrooms for supper. I also make some macaroni for a side. H and L get home about 5:45 to the cats waiting at the door.
6:20 pm - Supper is served! It is delicious. L and H aren’t fans of the asparagus, but the chicken, macaroni and sauce are perfection! H also riggs up a tie to L’s water bottle so it doesn’t hit the ground every 30 seconds. We fed the cats at the same time and they’re not begging for food quite so much tonight.
6:50 pm - We’re finished supper, H cleans up and I bath L.
7:30 pm - H calls my/our best friend J via FaceTime and we chat with her and her daughter R for a few minutes. L tried to steal the phone and gets mad when we don’t let her. J’s daughter requests a morning call so I promise to call at 7 am. J doesn’t think R will be awake yet so we’ll see!
8 pm - L is tired and ready to go to sleep. I put her down, have a hot bath, throw in some epsom salts, and read a bit on my KU.
9:40 pm - Bedtime!
Day 5 Total: $112.17 (removed $10 for my KU - counted in subscriptions)
—
Day 6 - Wednesday
7 am - I nurse L, she had a weird wake-up last night so we’re tossing the idea of taking her into daycare today. I’ll probably take her in a bit later and H will take his truck so if I have to WFH for the afternoon I can. Try calling J and R and there is no response - I am not surprised.
7:45 am - L and I leave the house, she’s not coughing much and doesn’t have a fever or anything so she’s good to go to daycare today
8:15 am - I drop L off at daycare
8:30 am - I get to the office. I talk with a few coworkers and ask our admin if my new phone has been dropped off yet.
9 am - My new phone is here! Now to start the setup process, everything takes forever with all the authentication apps we need. I also go through all my iCloud photos and organize/save them to my OneDrive while the phone is getting set up.
12:30 pm - I think the phone is finally done. Now to eat some lunch, I’m having leftovers from 2 nights ago - chicken nuggets, strawberries, grapes and a Cherry Bubly.
1:30 pm - H goes to a food truck for lunch. $35.01. This includes the tip.
3 pm - I had some more phone set-up to do. Might be finished now? Get an email about the cats’ annual checkups and vaccinations so I book their appointments for August.
4 pm - SIL paid me back the $50, plus another $50 she’d borrowed earlier. (+$100) I work on the photo garland for L’s first birthday for a bit.
5 pm - I haven’t gotten much done today beyond setting up my phone. I leave the office and pick up L at 5:20. I talk to her day home provider for about 15 min about how she’s been doing, etc.
6 pm - We get home! H has cooked supper already, so as soon as we get in the door we sit down to eat. Supper tonight is perogies and garlic bread. L also has a veggie pouch. H tells me the old vehicle was sold, and the buyers are doing a payment plan. We will get $300/month for the next 10 months. A lump sum would be nice, but H’s coworkers will handle all the paperwork so it’s no more work for us.
6:45 pm - Time for a bath! H cleans up supper, cleans the litter boxes (we have 3) and starts some laundry while I take L and get her cleaned up.
7 pm - All finished in the bath. We head downstairs and hang out until L is ready for sleep. I mostly scroll my phone and H plays on his Rog Ally. L climbs the couch and me and scoots around on the floor hunting for different treasures.
8:40 pm - L is ready for bed. I put her down and read some more KU
10 pm - H and I head to bed. I washed and dried a baby quilt to bring to work in the morning for a coworker.
Day 6 Total: $35.01 for H’s lunch. I spend $0, and ‘make’ $100
—
Day 7 - Thursday
6:35 am - The first alarm goes off. It’s a new one on the phone and nice to wake up to! L doesn’t want to wake up and she grumbles and rolls around.
7 am - We all get out of bed. I get L dressed while H packs up what he needs for the day. I get her milk together and they’re out the door by 7:15
7:50 am - I leave the house. After H and L left, I did the dishes and packed up my stuff for the day. Made a smoothie for breakfast (yoghurt, flax seed, orange, banana, rhubarb jam, frozen berries, watermelon, cranberry juice and milk) and there’s lots left over so I pop that into the fridge for tomorrow. I need gas in the work truck, so I head there before going to the office. I have a fuel card so I don’t spend any $ on fuel.
8:30 am - Get to the office and it’s time to make a coffee. I have some things to get done before my webinar at 11 am.
9 am - I show the quilt to my coworker, she loves it and buys it! (+$100)
11 am - Oops. I didn’t get the login link earlier and don’t know who to contact to get it so no webinar for me. I scroll Reddit and my socials and work a bit more on my cycle times. I snack on some grapes and drink another coffee.
1 pm - Lunch time! I’m having leftover skillet Dijon chicken and macaroni. It is still delicious, that recipe is going into the rotation for sure! H goes to McDonalds for lunch and spends $35.66. He bought a coworker lunch as well, she was having a rough day.
2 pm - Chat with a few coworkers about different projects/things we need to think of for this next year.
3 pm - I have an afternoon pick-me-up snack of Brookside pomegranate-flavoured chocolate and a ginger ale.
4:30 pm - I’m tired and don’t feel like doing anything else. I leave the office and call H to see what we should do for supper. We decide on potstickers and veggies, I’ll start cooking when I get home. I stop and check the mail on my way home too.
5:45 pm - H and L arrive home. I take L into the spare room and we call my mum and grandma for a video chat. L rolls around the bed and shows off how she’s almost standing!
6:10 pm - We sit down to eat, L isn’t that interested in either the potstickers or veggies so we pull out some leftover macaroni and she goes to town on that.
7 pm - Bath time! H cleans up and does some more laundry. It just seems to never end.
7:30 pm - Bedtime for L. I read some of my book while I put her down.
8:30 pm - SIL texts again to borrow $50. I send it over out of my spending. I get all of the borders cut for the custom quilt.
9 pm - H has SING on so I sit down to watch it, he’s also playing his Rog Aloy and I’m reading some more of my book.
10 pm - We go to bed.
Day 7 Total: $35.66 for H’s lunch. I spend $50, and ‘make’ $100
—
Weekly Expenses:

• Food + Drink: 575.09
• Fun/Entertainment: $0
• Home + Health: $38.78 (includes gas for lawn mower)
• Clothes + Beauty: $200.45
• Transport/Vehicle Expenses: $328.41
• Other: $496.30 (CC payment, photoshoot, TFSA and $ to SIL)

Total Spending: $1639.03
Reflection:

• This was a more expensive week for sure. I don’t usually spend money on clothes and the photo shoot deposit was a random impulsive spend. The vehicle expenses were also a bit different, usually, they’re budgeted for but not this time.
• Honestly surprised we didn’t order dinner at least once this week - usually we do!
• Events-wise, it was a typical week except for the mountain hike, those are not part of my usual work day. This time of year is slow and mostly involves prep for the coming winter.
• This was a fun experiment to write! I did have to cut some things as my word count kept increasing and I didn’t want it to be too long - is this too long even still? Too much detail on baby routines?

The Tale of Chihiro and No-Face

"Spirited Away" rewrote Japanese cinematic history, earning a staggering 30.8 billion yen at the box office. Needless to say, this record remains unbroken to this day. (Note: "Demon Slayer the Movie: Mugen Train", released in 2020, surpassed "Spirited Away" to become the highest-grossing film in Japanese box office history).
Mamoru Oshii: What struck me the most while watching the movie was the opening scene. It starts with a reluctant Chihiro in the backseat of a moving car, right? This is almost identical to the opening scene Miyazaki envisioned for "The Story of Yanagawa's Canals." If I remember correctly, it was a boy in that story, but otherwise, almost the same. Miyazaki initially intended to make "The Story of Yanagawa's Canals" into a live-action film. The opening he described during a planning meeting ended up becoming the beginning of "Spirited Away". What I mean to say is that while I might be a man of fixations, Miyazaki is even more so. Coming back to "Spirited Away," it's, as always, a film where scenes he wanted to create are strung together.
I rewatched it, and the story does feel somewhat disjointed. Why was it necessary to turn Chihiro's parents into pigs in the first place? And the way those pigs gorged themselves was so realistically depicted, it was like a horror movie.
Mamoru Oshii: That scene baffled me too. I thought, "Miyazaki loves pigs so much, why aren't the pigs here cute at all?" They were portrayed only in a negative light, a stark contrast from the adorable pigs in his previous works. Even the food in that scene didn't look appetizing.
The specific reason isn't clear, but turning the parents into pigs probably served as a convenient plot device to send Chihiro to work at the bathhouse. The parents barely appear in the middle of the story, right?
There's a part where Chihiro tries to find her pig-ified parents, but at least in the latter half, restoring them to their original forms doesn't seem like her primary goal anymore.
Mamoru Oshii: Miyazaki's primary concern was how to make the city-bred Chihiro engage in manual labor and, through that labor, experience personal growth and become independent. Turning her parents into pigs was an easy way to achieve that, without the need for further exploration. The parents' role was essentially fulfilled at the beginning. You could call it "convenience over coherence."
That's quite a harsh assessment!
Mamoru Oshii: Well, it is a Miyazaki film, so it comes with the territory. The plot threads are unclear, and the protagonist's internal journey is somewhat unconvincing.
I cried when Chihiro ate the rice ball Haku gave her, while crying herself.
Mamoru Oshii: That's just a detail, a single moment within the film. I've said it many times, Miyazaki is incredibly skilled at making details convincing. But judging a film is a different matter. I, for one, wouldn't watch a movie just for the details. While they're important, details alone don't make a film. I have to ask, where should a director's talent be directed? It should be in giving the film a backbone, a core, a structure - these are the director's responsibilities. I see that Miyazaki is also credited with the screenplay, but he probably didn't actually write anything down.
Not writing a script is somewhat reminiscent of Hong Kong films from a certain era. Speaking of which, Hong Kong films back then didn't even have shot lists.
Mamoru Oshii: That approach works for Jackie Chan's action films because the audience is there to see Jackie Chan's death-defying stunts. However, Studio Ghibli's works always present grand themes. Generally, you can't be so haphazard with that. So, it's just a tactic employed by Suzuki Toshio. He promotes these grand themes as a marketing strategy, not because the work inherently possesses them.
This time, the tagline was "On the other side of the tunnel, there is a wondrous town."
Mamoru Oshii: That was just the initial version; it changed later. Toshio must have been working behind the scenes, pushing for a change in the tagline. He shifted the focus to No-Face. Toshio's logic dictates that this is a story about No-Face and Chihiro.
The tagline was changed to "Everyone has a No-Face within them" midway through.
Mamoru Oshii: Exactly. "Spirited Away" is essentially a film about No-Face. Toshio apparently counted the number of shots each character appeared in, and surprisingly, No-Face had the most screen time among the supporting characters. He does frequently appear in the corner of the frame.
I don't think Mr. Miyazaki intended for him to appear so often.
Mamoru Oshii: You could call it the director's unconscious at play. Miyazaki never intended for this to be a film about No-Face. It was Suzuki Toshio who unearthed this crucial character from Miyazaki's subconscious. That's why he's so good at publicity (laughs).
Doesn't No-Face resemble the "monster from the Id" in "Forbidden Planet"?
Mamoru Oshii: No-Face symbolizes the desires of those living in modern society. No matter how much he consumes, how much he acquires, he can never find true fulfillment. He is desire itself, which is why he has no face and is called "No-Face." That's one interpretation. "Spirited Away" is about how Chihiro confronts him. In other words, it's a story about Chihiro, a girl who, after going through hardship, learns to empathize with others, and how she tames No-Face. So, it's accurate to say that this is a story about Chihiro and No-Face. Haku? Who knows where he wandered off to. Where did that pretty boy go?
I was actually thinking about him all this time.
Mamoru Oshii: Come on, Haku is just a flimsy supporting character.
True, that's rather cruel. Initially, his presence was quite significant, but it seems the director got tired of him midway through... They really did him dirty.
Mamoru Oshii: Anyone who watches this movie initially assumes it's a story about Chihiro and Haku. However, as it progresses, the strange, almost monstrous, old man, No-Face, who only appeared occasionally at first, starts to occupy more and more screen time, leaving viewers wondering where the story is headed. That's very much Miya-san's style; he creates films unconsciously. It's not wrong to say that this film embodies the essence of Miya-san more than any other.

Starting with the "Troubled Child" Trope

Rewatching the film, the character of Chihiro intrigued me. Her personality eludes me. It's understandable that she'd be sad about moving from her familiar life in Tokyo to the countryside, but isn't her demeanor a result of the situation, rather than her inherent personality? Why is it portrayed as if it's her usual self?
Mamoru Oshii: Exactly. It shows that Miyazaki wasn't particularly interested in portraying this girl as a fully-fleshed person. He draws a scene, adds a touch of discontent, and considers it done.
However, don't you find it recurring in Ghibli films that urban children with flaws or issues undergo self-improvement and self-discovery in the countryside? "Kiki's Delivery Service" reverses this by moving from the countryside to the city, but "Spirited Away", "My Neighbor Totoro", and "When Marnie Was There" all follow this pattern. Why repeat this formula? I don't see any connection to Miyazaki's essence here. This points to distribution-related reasons, which means Suzuki Toshio created this formula. It has to resonate with the contemporary Japanese audience, has to have a marketable theme. Otherwise, as the producer in charge of publicity, I'd never get my moment in the spotlight – I imagine Toshio thinking something along these lines.
The whole point of publicity is to grab the public's attention. What are the people living in Japan worried about these days? Distill those concerns into a universally understandable form, find the greatest common denominator, and you get the theme of "a troubled child living in the city discovers themselves in the countryside." People readily understand and are drawn to this theme. To put it bluntly, that's what it boils down to. That's precisely why Ghibli films almost always start with a troubled child. The only exception might be "Porco Rosso," though, strictly speaking, even "Castle in the Sky" follows this pattern.
So, even Mr. Miyazaki is being manipulated by Mr. Suzuki?
Mamoru Oshii: During the making of "Kiki's Delivery Service," Toshio insisted on a story about an indecisive young girl, and this somehow became a "fixed pattern" in Ghibli films.
In "Spirited Away," Chihiro is initially hesitant, but she quickly pulls herself together and transforms into a hardworking, well-behaved child, doesn't she? I felt that the transition was too abrupt.
Mamoru Oshii: Like I've said many times, Miyazaki dislikes wishy-washy kids who whine about disliking work, so he completely skips over that process. He instantly transforms Chihiro into a hardworking child who enjoys her work. Since he's the one drawing, he wouldn't want to spend time drawing a character he finds unpleasant.
Is that the only reason? Generally speaking, the process of growth is crucial, isn't it?
Mamoru Oshii: Generally, yes, but this is Miyazaki, so naturally, it's different. This film is constructed according to the "Miyazaki grammar," so to speak. It's a different kind of personal expression compared to "Porco Rosso." You could say it's Miyazaki's masterpiece.
By "masterpiece", do you mean including its box office success? Speaking of which, why did it become such a huge hit? It's true that many charming characters appear in the film. Is that the sole reason for its popularity?
Mamoru Oshii: There's a simple explanation for why a flawed film like this could become a box office smash hit: "Because Ghibli films always succeed commercially." That's just how Japanese people are; they won't criticize something that has achieved significant success. The same goes for Akira Kurosawa.
Shinji(Shinji Higuchi) once said, according to his "chair theory," the answer to the question, "Who can sit on Akira Kurosawa's chair?" is "Hayao Miyazaki." No one can criticize the person sitting on that chair because the occupant is a master. That's predetermined. In Japan, masters are exempt from criticism.
That's certainly an easy explanation to understand.
Mamoru Oshii: Let me share another of Shinji's theories, the "underwear theory": "A director's worth is determined by how they take off their underwear." Surprisingly, this applies to almost every director. According to this theory, Miyazaki is "a genius who pretends to take off his underwear but never actually does." That's precisely why he's such a successful entertainer. As for Anno, he'd probably take his underwear off immediately in most situations. The problem is, "what's underneath is quite strange."
Those are amusing analogies. What about you, Oshii-san?
Mamoru Oshii: Shinji says I'm the type who "acts like I'm taking it off, but underneath, it's all fake."
Well said! What about Higuchi-san himself?
Mamoru Oshii: It's hard to be objective when evaluating oneself. But if I were to use the chair theory we just discussed, the chair that corresponds to me would be "Junya Sato's chair," I suppose. Everyone around Shinji loved Sato's "The Bullet Train," and Shinji himself aspires to occupy the position of "a director who consistently delivers genuine blockbuster films."
But getting back to the topic, the film director everyone in Japan, young and old, knows used to be Akira Kurosawa. Now it's Hayao Miyazaki. From grandparents to kindergarteners, everyone knows him. Once you reach that level, it no longer matters who evaluates you. There's nothing but praise, at least in Japan.

Visual Quality and Maturity

A film that grossed 30 billion yen at the box office is bound to receive high praise. Moreover, it even won an Academy Award! The flooded bathhouse scene was truly beautiful, reminiscent of Kutani ware.
Mamoru Oshii: No, even from a visual quality standpoint, it's not that great. The colors are somewhat muddy, especially in the bathhouse scenes.
Really? The colorful konpeito candy that the soot sprites eat was quite beautiful. It felt like the color contrast was carefully considered.
Mamoru Oshii: That's what I've been saying – it's the power of details. I've said it so many times. When discussing Miyazaki's films, the usual phrases are "that scene was amazing," "that child was so cute," "that character was the best." They only focus on specific moments and rarely offer any evaluation of the work as a whole.
What struck me the most in this film was the layout. The quality of the layouts has clearly declined. The spatial inconsistencies within the boiler room and the bathhouse are a recurring issue, so let's set those aside. Even so, the dynamism in the layouts is gone. They created such a grand, three-dimensional bathhouse, yet there's hardly any verticality in the layouts. The camera moves only horizontally, and vertical movement is achieved through an elevator, believe it or not. I was astounded. The Miyazaki from the past would never have resorted to such shortcuts. He would have created elaborate staircases and expansive settings. The idea of using an elevator is just unbelievable.
Perhaps he started with the intention of creating something truly grand, but his energy waned. This decline was already noticeable during "Princess Mononoke." He gradually started relying on other key animators to share the workload. On an animation production, the visuals are always a hot topic. During the making of "Spirited Away," I often heard comments like, "Even Miyazaki..." It's the reality of aging, I suppose. Animation is largely a hand-crafted art form, so such changes can't be completely concealed.
Rewatching Miyazaki's works with this perspective, I believe that the visual quality peaked with "Kiki's Delivery Service." After that, the peak of his personal work, in terms of maturity, was around the time of "Spirited Away." It's interesting, isn't it? The peak of his work and the peak of his visual quality don't coincide. This phenomenon isn't limited to Miyazaki. It happens to others as well. It's ironic, in a way, that "Kiki's Delivery Service" is probably the film Miyazaki wants to revisit the least.
What about you, Oshii-san?
Mamoru Oshii: My visual peak was "Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence", and the peak of my work was "Patlabor 2: The Movie." I'm confident in that assessment. I have a firm grasp of myself, but it's hard to say whether Miyazaki has the same grasp on himself.
On a different note, there's also the "spring roll legend," right? The story goes that Mr. Miyazaki kept having the animators redraw the scene where the parents eat spring rolls because he insisted they weren't eating them correctly. It's become a famous anecdote.
Mamoru Oshii: I think that story originated from an NHK documentary. But to me, it felt like a broken record.
He's been saying things like that ever since I met him, complaining about how "animators these days are becoming increasingly detached from the real world." We've even argued about it.
You argued again? (laughs)
Mamoru Oshii: While I was working on "Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence", Miyazaki was working on "Howl's Moving Castle", and I often visited Ghibli. Once, we were having a casual conversation, but Miyazaki's mood gradually soured. He started grumbling about "animators these days..." and "the mentality of artists..." I gradually lost my patience and retorted, "Why are you still harping on about that? Nothing has changed about that for the past 10 or 20 years!" Our voices echoed through the studio as we argued. That was probably the last time I saw Miyazaki. I haven't seen him since.
Wow, you two are close. (laughs)
Mamoru Oshii: What? We're not close at all!
Come on, now. So, what are your thoughts on the "spring roll" issue?
Mamoru Oshii: Actually, Miyazaki isn't entirely wrong. Young animators these days have no real-world experience outside of their desks. They've grown up watching nothing but anime, often just robot anime. Human beings eat, sleep, and use the bathroom. These animators work in a place far removed from the realities of being alive, which is not how it should be. Their job is to depict the real world. So I agree with Miyazaki when he says, "There's no need to strive for perfect accuracy. Recreating the feeling of life, that's the ultimate goal for an animator." He said, "Start by observing things." That's because exceptional animators are all geniuses at observation. And it goes without saying that Miyazaki is a genius in this regard.

The Best Scene in Cinematic History

That's why the eating scenes in Miyazaki's films always look so delicious. It was the first time I saw rice balls that looked so appetizing.
Mamoru Oshii: Mm. The eating scenes are classic. As far as I know, no one can top Miyazaki when it comes to depicting food.
I incorporate eating scenes in my own work because I resonate with Miyazaki's approach. His depiction of food has been outstanding since "Future Boy Conan." I always include eating scenes in my work, both in live-action and animation, but it's no easy feat. The difficulty increases exponentially with animation, often ending in failure. Come to think of it, my friendship with Miyazaki actually blossomed over our shared appreciation for food scenes. For Miyazaki, eating scenes are just as important as running or flying scenes. The scene where Chihiro eats the rice ball while crying is the ultimate expression of savoring delicious food.
That scene moved many people to tears, myself included. I believe there was a limited-edition DVD release that came with a replica of Haku's rice ball. Mr. Suzuki really knows how to capitalize on these things.
Mamoru Oshii: These are the dilemmas that plague Miyazaki. "A rice ball is only a rice ball if it's hand-rolled and warm. Those plastic-wrapped things from convenience stores aren't fit for human consumption!" I'm sure he wants to say things like that. But he has to swallow those words. The more successful he becomes, the more he's exploited by the very world he despises. But that's the reality of working within a commercial system.
I've spoken at length about the contradictions within Miyazaki, and this is perhaps the greatest one: achieving tremendous success and reaping the benefits within a world he loathes. In a way, it's as if he's being pummeled by his idealized self. But he refuses to acknowledge this, which is why he constantly expresses his dissatisfaction.
He even felt uncomfortable about making all that money himself, so he once took me on a scouting trip to Europe. I'm sure there were other "adult world" reasons for that, though. (laughs). I think that was also Miyazaki's way of atoning in his own way.
That's a bit sad.
Mamoru Oshii: But one thing remains unchanged: the sheer power of his scene composition, especially the scene where Chihiro and No-Face ride the train to Zeniba's house. It's clearly a depiction of the Sanzu River, and I'm sure Miyazaki himself was aware of it. The railroad tracks submerged in shallow water, Chihiro and No-Face boarding the train and embarking on their journey together—that Sanzu River imagery is the most remarkable cinematic scene I've ever witnessed.
In Miyazaki's filmography?
Mamoru Oshii: In all of cinema.
Really?
Mamoru Oshii: Seijun Suzuki has directed similar scenes, many directors have attempted it, but Miyazaki's execution is unparalleled.
You consider it superior to the train scene in "Grave of the Fireflies"?
Mamoru Oshii: Of course. That scene is dark and melancholic. But Miyazaki's Sanzu River possesses a remarkable transparency, a certain serenity. The surrounding silence is profound. It's truly exceptional. The passengers are depicted as blurry shadows, which is a difficult technique to pull off effectively. In other words, he poured his heart and soul into crafting that scene.
You could say it's a scene that encapsulates Miyazaki's view on life and death. Compared to Takahata-san's perspective on life and death as depicted in "Grave of the Fireflies," Miyazaki's is demonstrably more profound. Takahata Isao is, at his core, a disagreeable intellectual. That train scene is probably what the Sanzu River looks like in the imagination of an intellectual.
But you've praised that particular scene in "Grave of the Fireflies" before.
Mamoru Oshii: I praised it because that's the only scene from "Grave of the Fireflies" that left a lasting impression. Of course, I had to acknowledge it. There are very few films that achieve that level of emotional resonance. However, compared to Miyazaki's Sanzu River, it pales in comparison. The persuasive power, the understanding of human mortality and the cycle of life and death, the depth of their respective insights—the difference is stark. That's something I want to emphasize. That Sanzu River scene is just brilliant!
The problem arises with the scene after they cross over.
Chihiro has tea at Zeniba's house, right?
Mamoru Oshii: Everything leading up to that point was exceptional. But upon arriving, it leaves you with a sense of "is that all there is?" That's a realm best left unexplored.
Having said that, no director could truly depict what lies beyond. Even if they could depict the journey to the other side, they couldn't portray what awaits there. Attempting to do so would result in something akin to Tetsuro Tanba's "The Great Spirit World"—it would become cartoonish.
Why is it impossible to depict the afterlife? Because none of us have experienced it. To borrow from Miyazaki's logic, "Animators can't draw what they haven't seen."
So why did he draw it?
Mamoru Oshii: He could have ended the scene with Chihiro and No-Face on the train, suddenly opening her eyes as if awakening from a dream. But why didn't he? Perhaps Miyazaki overthought it, feeling that "it wouldn't be right to end it there." But I wanted to tell him, this is a story that defies logic, so why be so fixated on making that particular part coherent?
In the end, Haku comes to get Chihiro. Was that scene necessary to clarify the relationship between Haku and Chihiro?
Mamoru Oshii: Like I said, the relationship between Haku and Chihiro was an afterthought. Miyazaki wasn't particularly invested in it. He kept adding unnecessary elements that only served to expose his true intentions.
Personally, I'm most curious about where Miyazaki drew inspiration for No-Face. Even if you consider him an unconscious genius, don't you find the originality of No-Face quite remarkable? The fact that he can be perceived as originating from the other side, from the afterlife, is why the Sanzu River scene appears. But the origin of his design, that's something I'm still incredibly curious about.
_________
The content is from a Japanese book 誰も語らなかったジブリを語ろう (Let's talk about Ghibli that no one has talked about).
Interviewer: Maki Watanabe
Shinji refers to Shinji Higuchi
Anno refers to Hideaki Anno
The Sanzu River is a river in Japanese mythology that separates the world of the living from the world of the dead. It is said to be a river of blood, pus, and tears, and that the souls of the dead must cross it before they can reach the afterlife. The river is also said to be guarded by a ferryman, who charges a fee for passage.
There are three bridges across the river, each of which corresponds to a different level of virtue in the deceased:
The Bridge of Causality: For those who have lived a virtuous life. The Bridge of Justice: For those who have lived a life of justice. The Bridge of Aspiration: For those who have lived a life of aspiration.
The river and its bridges are often depicted in Japanese art and literature. It is a symbol of the passage from life to death, and the judgment that awaits the soul in the afterlife.

I used to have this candy all the time when I was a kid in the 2000's. It was a bit similar to Dip Dab and Double Dip, but it often came in many different flavours. The packaging featured a cartoon man holding a lollipop and he had his tongue sticking out whilst his eyes looked hypnotized (he looked similar to Johnny Bravo or even Dexter's dad from Dexter's Laboratory).
At one point, there was a limited edition version of the brand, with a colour changing lollipop. This time, the packaging featured the same cartoon man, but dressed up as a wizard.