Throw away account. Mom died in November. I (m45) was POA over financial and medical and she lived with me for 5 years prior. I paid for all bills as I also worked from home full time. The deal was she bought the groceries. My 17f daughter also lived with us and helped out. 6 months before mom passed Dad had a heart attack (divorced lived close by) and I was bouncing back and forth caring for both. At that point I started paying my dtr for care when I was at dads because she had to toilet and feed her. My sister 49f would swoop in and make a big production but never actually help. Dad died in September and my sister made it all about her. She was always the golden child I was the second fiddle. Right after Dad died my girlfriend (we didn’t live together) died in a car accident. I’m dealing with double grief so I put my Mom in a nursing home because it was just to much. My mom and sister acted like I was a problem and bad mouthed me to anyone who would listen to the point that my dtr and I just packed up and moved across the country in October. Mom ended up in the hospital and my sister told everyone she was in charge even though I showed up with living will and POA. She actually moved her without telling me even though I had made it clear to the hospital I had concerns she would do this (reported them to state they got in trouble). My Dad had nothing, he rented and lived off Ss. My Mom had sold her house years ago and as advice of lawyer the money was placed in my name. We flew in for mom’s funeral and my sister made a big production of what she did for mom and not a single family member spoke to my dtr or me and acted like we were horrible people. Day of funeral she texted me telling me to put all the money into mom’s account and give her blank checks. (Mom and I had a joint account with about 5k in it) I told her no if there were bills I would pay them and just offered to give her half. She flipped out saying how dare I talk inheritance on the day of her funeral. I hear nothing for two months. I text her I’m flying in and going to close the account how would she like her money. She states I’m not allowed to do that she called an attorney she is executor and she has questions. We meet and she provides a list of questions. She said my dtr was under 18 and therefore couldn’t be a caregiver and demanded she pay it back. She questioned Amazon charges and 600 cash that we got when we sold her car. She demanded receipts for every purchase ever made with moms money (I guess poa said I had to keep receipts). I got visibly upset and said I didn’t steal. She told me I had two weeks to get them or the lawyers would make me. (The entire estate is worth about 75k). My sisters husband is a doctor and makes loads of money I’m a single dad making less a year than the estate is worth. 3 weeks later she sent a nasty letter demanding all these things and saying I had a week to produce them or the lawyer was coming after me. Luckily between calling around and going online I was able to get almost every receipt for last 5 years. I did uncover that my sister used my moms ss# to obtain online access for moms and mine joint account. (Bank offered to transfer me to fraud). My mom had also gifted my aunt 15k a few years back (aunt is now dead) and me 30k when I bought my house a few years back. The paper trail shows mom signed and withdrew the money but I’m afraid my sister will claim as poa I should have stopped her (she had early dementia). I put everything on a thumb drive and mailed to my sister certified mail on 4/1. Had no idea she was on a cruise so they said they would redeliver but never did. I have no idea if the package was delivered and the post office is like to bad. I’m afraid to ask my sister if she got it. It’s been 6 weeks and I’ve heard nothing. I don’t want to ask my sister because she will think I need the money and just drag it on. I also got a 5k insurance check I’m afraid to cash because she will accuse me of stealing. Now I didn’t do anything wrong but towards the end I’ll admit I was buying extra things at the grocery store such as toilet paper (which I had previously bought with my money) make up for my dtr and a take outs (mainly because I was pissed at my sister and thought less money for her). I’m terrified a lawyer is going to hold me to the 45k and say I shouldn’t have done that and I’ll end up having to take out a loan and give my sister additional money. What if they make me pay back anything I can’t produce a receipt for? I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing and my anxiety is terrible. I wanted to buy my dtr a car with some of my half and now I have to wait. Any advice please. I have no one left in this world but my dtr.

We're encountering an issue with one of our customers. We have a mailbox set up to directly channel emails into a CRM tool for my colleagues' handling. Periodically, they manually delete some older emails, as we prefer to avoid automated deletion to prevent unintentional removal of important messages. However, when these emails are deleted, everything proceeds smoothly except for one individual.
The emails are marked as "not read" within the mailbox because the CRM tool simply moves them to an overlay without opening them via Outlook. Consequently, when they delete emails from this specific user (all emails from whom exhibit this behavior), he receives an email notification from our on-premise Exchange server at his address:
From: mail [mail@mail.com]() Sent: Monday, May 13, 2024, 12:59 To: user [user@user.com]() Subject: Not read: AW: Request
Your Message
To: mail Subject: AW: Request Sent: [Date]
has been deleted unread.
We haven't configured any rules on our on-premise server, Exchange Online, or our CISCO ESA. It's unlikely to be related to read receipts, as we've already tested that. It's worth noting that this user frequently sends numerous emails daily, covering a variety of topics and seeking refunds and explanations for various matters, resembling a "crazy email guy" archetype. He engages in similar behavior with Amazon support and even appears to spoof his Message ID.
While we could simply block him, I'm keen to understand the reasons behind and mechanisms through which he receives these notifications. Do other email clients, such as ProtonMail, generate similar messages when read receipts are enabled?
We're currently using Exchange 2019 with CU15.

Yesterday I had a DCBL bailiff turn up at my address while nobody was home, my partner answered the ring doorbell and explained I was at work and they left an envelope containing a “high court enforcement attendance” as well as a “notice after entry or taking control of goods (on a highway)and inventory of goods taken into control.”
Nothing is specified on the list like what I’ve seen online so I’m assuming he didn’t take inventory of what he could see and this is the first visit? I’ve read online that there’s supposed to be a 7 day written notice before turning up/their first visit which I definitely haven’t received.
The debts origin is accrued rent arrears from about 4 years ago. For some backstory the caravan I was living in was uninhabitable and my possessions were regularly ruined due to damp/mould, the site operators refused to repair or reimburse the insane amount I was paying on electricity to heat and keep the place liveable which led me to stop paying rent while I found a new place to live. The whole thing was a cash operation only giving me paper receipts for rent paid (which I still have most of) and I believe they’ve inflated the original figure before further court fee’s have been added.
Is it too late to set up an IVA or payment scheme? Or am I past that point now with them being literally at the door.
The figure they’re now asking for (almost 10k) is nearly double what the original debt incurred was and that was already a figure they plucked out of the air.
Just looking for any advice or input from anyone who’s dealt with a similar situation. Im aware I’ll need to deal with this head on just not sure what my options are. I need to stop them coming back to the house as it’s my partners property and she’s currently trying to sell it, understandably this ties my hands further.
Any advice is extremely appreciated.
If you’ve come to call me an idiot - I know. Lol

My friend helped me to buy this Chanel wallet from the boutique in Milan. However, I cant seem to find it online. The receipt is in italian too so I have no idea what is it saying. Does anyone know whats the name of this wallet? Is this a new product?

Freelancing can be an incredibly rewarding career path, offering flexibility, independence, and the opportunity to work on a variety of projects. However, to succeed as a freelancer, you need the right tools to manage your business efficiently. Whether you are a seasoned freelancer or just starting out, having a well-stocked toolkit is essential. In this blog post, we will explore some must-have tools that every freelancer should consider incorporating into their workflow. At the forefront of our list is Feedcoyote, a comprehensive tool designed to streamline and enhance your freelancing experience.

1. Feedcoyote: The Ultimate Freelancing Companion

Feedcoyote is a powerful platform tailored specifically for freelancers. It offers a range of features that help you manage your projects, clients, and finances seamlessly. Here’s why Feedcoyote should be your go-to tool:
Sign-Up on Feedcoyote - https://feedcoyote.com/

Project Management

Feedcoyote allows you to keep track of all your projects in one place. You can create project timelines, set milestones, and track progress effortlessly. The intuitive interface makes it easy to manage multiple projects simultaneously without feeling overwhelmed.

Client Communication

Effective communication is key to freelancing success. Feedcoyote provides a centralized hub for all your client interactions. You can send messages, share files, and receive feedback directly through the platform, ensuring that nothing gets lost in the shuffle.

Invoicing and Payments

One of the most challenging aspects of freelancing is managing invoices and payments. Feedcoyote simplifies this process by allowing you to create and send professional invoices, track payment statuses, and even set up automated reminders for overdue payments. This feature helps you maintain a steady cash flow and reduces the time spent on administrative tasks.

Time Tracking

Accurate time tracking is crucial for billing clients and managing your workload. Feedcoyote includes a built-in time tracking tool that lets you log hours spent on each project. This data can be easily integrated into your invoices, ensuring transparency and accuracy.

Financial Insights

Feedcoyote provides insightful financial reports that help you understand your earnings, expenses, and overall financial health. This information is invaluable for budgeting, tax preparation, and long-term planning.

2. Trello: Visual Project Management

Trello is a popular project management tool that uses a card-based system to help you organize tasks and projects visually. Each project can be broken down into boards, lists, and cards, making it easy to see what needs to be done and when. Trello’s flexibility and user-friendly interface make it a favorite among freelancers for managing both personal and professional tasks.

3. Slack: Communication and Collaboration

For freelancers working with remote teams or multiple clients, Slack is an essential communication tool. It allows you to create channels for different projects, teams, or topics, making it easy to keep conversations organized. Slack also integrates with many other tools, such as Google Drive, Trello, and Feedcoyote, streamlining your workflow.

4. Grammarly: Writing Assistant

Good communication is crucial for freelancers, whether you’re drafting emails, creating content, or writing reports. Grammarly is an AI-powered writing assistant that helps you improve your writing by checking for grammar, punctuation, and style errors. It also offers suggestions for clarity and conciseness, ensuring that your writing is polished and professional.

5. Canva: Design Made Easy

As a freelancer, you often need to create visually appealing content, whether it’s for social media, presentations, or marketing materials. Canva is a versatile design tool that allows you to create stunning graphics with ease. It offers a wide range of templates, images, and fonts, making it accessible even if you have no prior design experience.

6. Toggl: Simple Time Tracking

Toggl is a straightforward time tracking tool that helps you monitor how much time you spend on different tasks. It’s perfect for freelancers who need to track billable hours or simply want to understand how they’re spending their time. Toggl’s reports provide valuable insights that can help you optimize your productivity.

7. Zoom: Virtual Meetings

Virtual meetings have become a staple of modern freelancing. Zoom is a reliable video conferencing tool that allows you to host meetings, webinars, and virtual events with ease. Its features include screen sharing, recording, and breakout rooms, making it ideal for client consultations and team collaborations.

8. Google Workspace: Productivity Suite

Google Workspace (formerly G Suite) includes a suite of productivity tools such as Gmail, Google Drive, Google Docs, Sheets, and Slides. These tools are essential for document creation, storage, and collaboration. The seamless integration between these apps enhances your ability to work efficiently and share information with clients and collaborators.

9. LastPass: Password Management

As a freelancer, you likely use numerous online tools and services, each requiring a secure password. LastPass is a password manager that stores and encrypts your passwords, allowing you to access them easily and securely. This tool helps you maintain strong, unique passwords for all your accounts, reducing the risk of security breaches.

10. Wave: Free Accounting Software

Keeping your finances in order is crucial for freelancing success. Wave offers free accounting software that helps you manage your income, expenses, and invoices. It also provides features for bank reconciliation, receipt scanning, and financial reporting. Wave’s user-friendly interface makes it accessible even if you have limited accounting experience.

Conclusion

Equipping yourself with the right tools can make a significant difference in your freelancing journey. Feedcoyote stands out as a comprehensive solution that addresses many of the challenges freelancers face, from project management to invoicing. Alongside other essential tools like Trello, Slack, and Grammarly, Feedcoyote can help you streamline your workflow, improve communication, and enhance your overall productivity. By investing in these tools, you can focus more on what you do best and less on administrative tasks, paving the way for a successful freelancing career.

Online seller and just found out that one receipt from returned parcel was missing. Should I declare it as sales na lang para hindi mag-underdeclared or i-report pa rin as sales return kahit nawawala iyung invoice?

Sorry, it's the middle of the night so I currently can't contact Nintendo Support & I am losing my mind.
I basically have this exact same issue: Old Switch Post
I haven't played my switch in about 3 months, decided I had downtime to play today, open my switch & I have a little ! next to my user, click it; "This Nintendo Account has been deleted. This user cannot use online features." I cannot access any of my eShop games. (which meet a total of $260 USD.) I have tried logging into my Nintendo Account on both my laptop & phone, neither are working. I used NNID retrieval to discover I had changed my User ID, tried logging in with the new ID, not working, sent an email password reset link, I am not getting the emails, not in spam, no where. I have emails from Nintendo with that accounts info, repair notifications, email confirmations, log-in notifications, etc.
I have not received any emails in regards to my account deletion, nothing, no confirmations, no "Thanks for being a Nintendo member!" or any stupid things like that.
I sadly do not have any email receipts from Nintendo, which is odd because I've had my email linked to my account for a good year now. (I've had this Nintendo Account since about 2019/2020 when my family got our original switch, a few years later when I got my own switch I added my email to my existing Nintendo Account so I could transfer it and use online play.) I *do* have transaction history from my bank account of several Nintendo purchases. Including my 2 Pokemon games + more.
And NO, I do not have a hacked switch or any pirated games. Everything on my switch is legitimate. So, I really do not have any idea as to why my account was deleted without warning. I am extremely upset and will be contacting Nintendo tomorrow. I am hoping to get my account recovered & potentially my games, if not all at least my Pokemon games and ACNH.
Is there hope for me to recover my purchased content without my email receipts for proof? if not, what else could I do? I'm in no position to be repurchasing games I've owned for years.

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I've always had this term "chat ethics" in mind. And very few I know actually have it.
Texting may be casual but when people are having a good or a serious convo, just don't do any of these:

• leaving in the midst of a text convo
• slow replying
• not tagging a message before replying to it
• not replying to every message sent and leaving the topic there
• remaining online and not replying without reason (while still talking)

It is not always possible to stick to this. People can be busy. But does it hurt to mention "hey brb, I'm kinda busy" or "yo I gtg, I'll cya later" just once?
I could remember only these right now. But personally I hate when read receipts are turned off in WhatsApp.

Today 5/14/24 On Friday 5/10/24 I got my label printed at my local UPS store for my stockx sale (I sold a pair of shoes) and dropped it off. I emailed the store the label when I was there and the worker asked me for my name to find the email I sent. She finds it and prints a label and asks me if I want a receipt, I said yes and that was it, I left. I checked everyday and my package was going nowhere, the package was not scanned at the least when I would check the tracking number online. Well today I finally checked my receipt tracking number instead of my stockx tracking number. Turns out this worker at the ups store put a completely different label on my package and sent it out. I went into the store today to ask what happened and they were absolutely no help. They asked for my number in case they get any feedback on the package. They sent it out to ship through a different label and it is going to Vegas when my label was supposed to ship to Tempe Arizona. It is $255 worth of money that I was supposed to receive for selling those shoes and I have no idea what I can do right now, it has not arrived to the Vegas destination yet. Is there a claim I can file or anything I can do since these idiots at the store lost fucked up my package. If you have any ideas or solutions I can try please let me know.

I wanted to express my gratitude to this community for all the helpful insights and information I've gained from your posts. I'm happy to share that I've just received my Green Card approval without an interview and RFE in just 4.5 months! Here's a detailed timeline of my process:

Background: F1 student married to a USC.
Jan 1, 2024: PD I-130 Applied Online (California Service Center). Receipt Block: IOE93778
Jan 4, 2024: PD I-485, I-765 (NBC). Receipt Block: IOE09238
Jan 6, 2024: I-130 status changed to "Actively Reviewing".
Jan 13, 2024: Biometric Scheduled.
Jan 31, 2024: Biometric Appointment, I-485 and I-765 status changed to "Actively Reviewing".
Feb 1, 2024: I-765 Standalone Approval.
Feb 10, 2024: SSN Received.
Feb 16, 2024: EAD Card Received.
May 5, 2024: Email Notification: "We have taken action on your case."
May 6, 2024: Email Notification: "We have taken action on your case." Contacted USCIS via Emma; representative noted both cases transferred to the Local Field Office.
May 10, 2024: Uploaded additional unsolicited evidence (Cover letter, additional pics (10), 2023 tax transcript, car insurance with both names, joint checking account statements).
May 13, 2024: Email Notification for I-130: "We have taken action on your case." Found approval letters in the document tab.
May 14, 2024: Email Notification for I-485: "We have taken action on your case." Found approval letters in the document tabs.

Evidence of Bona Fide Marriage Submitted:
Marriage certificate
25 pictures with family and friends
Travel boarding passes from 2 trips
Shared phone and utility bills
Costco membership
Beneficiary designation on life insurance
Emergency contact in my health portal
Gym memberships in both names
Tax transcripts
Car insurance in both names
Joint driver's licenses with same address
Joint bank account statements from the last 3 months

This timeline might give hope to those in a similar situation. Feel free to ask if you have any questions about the process!
Thank you all once again for the invaluable support!

Added a TONEX and the EHX super ego to the pedal board.
Bought the TONEX used and despite the online horror stories it was easy for me to get it registered under my name and get the software. Just had to email IK support and show proof of purchase. In my case I bought it used at guitar center so had a receipt as proof so ymmv if you buy cash from a third party.
So far loving the TONEX and it gives me lots of flexibility even without using the software. Essentially using each channel for its entended purpose of amp/cab sim. The TONEX replaced two pedals(tube screamer + DS1) but added amp/cab sim, reverb, compressor, noise gate, + what ever tone I want to digitally make inside the plugin.
Run down so far of the layout im going with per channel.
A - dirty + reverb + noise gate + compressor B- over drive + reverb + light compression C- clean + polara reverb pedal + boss CE2W + superego.
The superego I got specifically to make atmospheric pads and textures. If the polara and ce2w wasn’t a giveaway adding the superego was me taking what ’s essentially Austin Getz of Turnovers’ set up from the Peripheral Vision era.
Still working on figuring out where I’m going to put the TONEX in my signal chain but for now it’s at the end. Any advice or input on where I should put it is appreciated!
I was torn between getting a new amp or a amp sim pedal but given I live in an apartment and I don’t perform live it was an easy choice to get the used TONEX. Plug it into my current amp, monitors, or headphones it gives me what I need given the living situation and level of hobby. For about $100-$200 cheaper than a tube amp I think the TONEX is a solid deal.
I almost got a used ACS1 but could not get more than two or three sounds that I truly enjoyed. Did not try the IR-200 but was next on the list. No FX loop wasn’t a deal breaker for me with the TONEX but it could be to you so I’d definitely recommend based on YouTube dives on both pedals that the ir-200 also seems very well worth the money.

This is just me venting. Many years ago, I built control panels for a living and used and loved my DeWalt tools. Had a power drill for years with no problem. Loved the wrenches and sockets I had. I used DeWalt tape measure, knives, some of the pliers, side cutters, nut drivers, tool boxes....and loved most all of them.
I went away for a few years to work on my poetry and just got back into panel building about 10 months ago. All the field guys love the red brand that begins with "M", but I remembered how great my DeWalt tools were, so I went and picked up some new tools for my job. I looked around and read some posts and heard people talk about how DeWalt quality has gone down, but I never had any problems with any of the tools I had, so I decided to remain loyal and go team yellow.
The first thing I got was the DCD791 cordless drill for like $150 at Home Depot. Then I got more tools, like a utility knife, tape, needle nose etc.. First thing I noticed was after a few months, the blade didn't like to push out on my folding utility knife. It got so bad, I went back and bought a different style, and put the folding one in a drawer. Then last month, the drill quit working. I was having problems with the keyless chuck and finally it would just rattle and not even drill. I went online to see what kind warranty it had. The site said 1 year service and 3 year limited warranty. I contacted them and they asked some questions about the drill and wanted some of the numbers off of it, which I provided.
The lady said that she would email me a UPS label to mail in my drill. That the repair place would look at it and if it was a factory default, they would fix it free. If it was misuse, they would tell me how much it would cost and I could decide if I wanted it fixed or not. If not, I would have to pay shipping to get it back. They asked for a credit card number and I provided one. I printed out the label and mailed my drill to them.
Because I needed a drill for work, I went and bought one for $100 from Home Depot. I didn't really want to do this, but I needed a drill. I thought maybe I could just return it when they fixed the other one
They emailed me a repair order with my information and a link to log in. When I logged in, I noticed it said $92 for the repair, even though they hadn't even received my drill yet. I figured this was just the way the repair orders were written up. A couple weeks go by and I get an email saying they have my drill. Another week and they email to say it was repaired and would be shipped back to me. A few days later they charge my credit card $106. I call the number and she says, the warranty is only a year long and the date code is 2 years old; that if I have my receipt to prove i bought it less than a year ago, I could send a copy and try to get a refund.
Of course, I can't find my receipt. Probably because I never had a problem with a DeWalt tool and didn't think I would need it. I know that is my fault, but this whole thing seems crappy. I spent $150 on the drill, another $100 for the repair and another $100 for a drill in the meantime. If I knew it was going to be $100 to fix it, I would have said No. I bought a brand new drill for $100. Why didnt they tell me that the repair was out of warranty and give me the option of refusing it? It seems like if they made a quality product, then customer service for repairs should be smooth and painless because repairs don't happen often. Instead, it seems like they know their products are going to break, so they make it difficult for you, thinking you will just go buy a new drill (which I did anyway). They should be able to take the drill apart and see that it was a manufacturer problem and just replace it. Making me jump through all these hoops just to charge for the repair, PLUS tax, PLUS shipping is just shitty.
I ignored the haters and stuck with them out of loyalty, and I feel like they shit on me. I take care on my tools. I put my drill back in the case after I used it every time. I see field guys just throw their red and blue drills around and drop them in dirt and the things last forever. I just feel slighted about the whole thing. The tools used to be just awesome. What the hell happened? I am not ready to abandon ship just yet, but I am wondering if I am doing the right thing. If the new drill I got or the fixed one they send back breaks in less than a year, I am probably going to shift to something else. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Got a ticket 2 weeks ago. I requested online to speak to a prosecutor; its been 2 weeks and no date has been set yet. I printed out the receipt of requesting but no date has been set yet. Its supposed to be a phone/zoom call
Is this normal? The cop said i had 15 days to request or pay; i don't want to incur any late fees

I was driving down highway 412 and couldn't get a pic, but at a scrap yard in west siloam springs, ok (ar border) there was a fifth gen ford F series medium duty (67-79) heavy rescue. Big walk-in box, windows all around, even a huge flat double pane over the roof of the cab. I've seen rescues in the F series medium duties of the previous and following gen as heavy rescues, but never that one. I can't find anything like it online either. Anyone vintage buffs seen something like that?

Long story short: if you do not have a USCIS online portal account…. MAKE ONE. We could’ve had our green cards MONTHS ago.
I, US Citizen, filed I-130 for my parents and I-485 in July 2021 after turning 21. In the beginning, our cases were going as planned, however we never sent medical forms with I-485 (our lawyer advised us not to- we have now learned how detrimental that has been to our processing time and we are aware our lawyer gave us terrible advice). My parents checked case statuses using their receipt numbers on the main USCIS page and never made an account because we had always received all RFE and additional notices through the mail and didn’t think we needed one. Our I-130 got approved 2 years later on 08/2023 and after waiting a few months with no updates on I-485 (we were waiting for medical form RFE), I decided to seek congressional help in November of 2023. They told us on 11/17/2023 that there are no updates from USCIS and that they will let us know if they need anything. In January, we requested new work permits since my parents’ were set to expire and they were issued about 2 weeks later. I reached out again to congressman 02/2024 and they told me that USCIS is STILL processing our case and will let us know if they need anything.
I have the lawfully and case tracker apps that I check everyday but there were no new updates. So after doing some reddit reading, I decided to make an online USCIS account because it seemed advantageous. We waited 2 weeks for access codes to come in the mail. I created the account and saw a “DENIAL NOTICE” for both of my parents “due to abandonment” that was issued JANUARY 4, 2024. My stomach dropped. Apparently they had notified us in August of 2023 (the day after our I-130 was approved) to send medical forms by November 23, 2023. We had never received any of these documents through the mail (neither did our lawyer or congressman) and they did not show up on the lawfully/case tracker app. How could USCIS tell congressman 6 days before the medical forms were due that they do not need anything from us and then in February tell us they are still processing our case after it had apparently already been denied a month earlier?!?! And now it was TOO LATE TO APPEAL.
LUCKILY our congressman was able to provide proof of our inquiries and our lawyer met with someone at the USCIS Chicago field office (which we never received any mail from) and they reopened our case due to their errors. They sent us new RFE for medical forms which we have sent and we are now waiting to hear back.
All of our notices, including the I-130 approval, had been coming from the Nebraska field office. The documents that were on the portal but were never mailed had been from Chicago Field Office. They also made a mistake in their denial notice stating my parents needed to depart the US within 30 days of receiving the denial notice because they entered the US illegally, which was FALSE because they had come here legally. Needless to say, it was an emotional and stressful rollercoaster.

So, I've kind of posted about this in other threads, specifically on askreddit, but by some users request, I will do my best to fully relay this entire tale up to the current point, as well as provide as much context I am able (and will provide missing context if asked in comments).
TL;DR
A friend of mine of 4 years drank himself into liver failure and his wife cheated on him, so I offered him a free room to try and put his life back together, and I was repaid for the thought with a divorce of my own, but honestly, it's probably not that bad.
Part 1: CONTEXT
Me and my wife have been together since early 2014, and married in late 2017. We have been through much together, including two extended deployments, one of which was 10 and a half months long. We have traveled the world together, lived on both coasts of the US, and despite much of our struggles and how things eventually went down, I was always convinced we would work as a team to overcome any issues.
The friend in question was, largely, an online friend. We met playing an MMO during covid and we quickly formed a very tight knit, but small, community that were very close that included me, my wife, my friend, his wife, and 4 other friends. Covid was a wild time and I was surprised how easy it was to form friends in this group and we kept in touch, as a whole, even once quarantine had ended and most of us had moved on from that particular game. This was a group that, while it started online, we have met most of these people several times IRL and had vacations to spend time together and just hang out.
Part 2: His Problems
Fast forward to about January of 2024. My buddy, from here on out I will refer to as Z (and for a quick add, I will refer to my wife as D), contacts us to tell us his condition is dire and he has been diagnosed with stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver as a consequence of his extensive drinking. Shaken, we quickly charter a flight out to visit. Within a week, we're staying with him and his wife and his roommate and a couple members of his family who are taking care of him. This man is bloated, yellow, and probably about 350lbs now. We are worried, but stay supportive and positive that help can be found, especially since he seems keen on changing his lifestyle for the better. Some of his family start a gofundme that we donate to, and many of the people in our gaming circle who have grown close also donate several thousand dollars (One member of our raid team donated 10k. You never know who is stealth rich on the internet I guess). Me and several other friends discuss the possibilities of helping him get on disability and even getting ourselves tested as compatible living donors. Sad, but hopeful, we depart about a week later, and stay in constant touch.
About a month later, I'm getting a call from one of our mutuals letting me know that "Hey, so I may have goofed up." and tells me how Z's wife had visited him and had a 3 way with him and his wife. I am obviously irate at this and turn to back Z up with comments like "So much for in sickness and in health, huh?" I do what I can to stay supportive, and my wife, D, also makes it a point to stay in touch with him as he has found himself banished to the couch of his apartment. Not even allowed to sleep in his own bed and frequently uncomfortable even being in his bedroom to use the PC.
I'm not particularly rich, but I am not poor either. I served in the military and have a high VA rating which means a constant income and have a steady job and a couple side gigs that pay well enough. My love language, in many ways, is gift giving. I pride myself on being able to pick a good gift, even if it's a little early for an occasion such as a bday or christmas, and will often pull the trigger on something if it means a lot or I think it will help. In this case, my brother was selling an old steam deck because he wanted a new OLED model, so I figured "two birds, one stone", and buy the steam deck off him and send it to Z so we can still game together.
In the intervening months, Z and D start playing games that I have no interest in (Disney Dreamlight Valley), but I am happy to play other games and hang out and chat. Really, nothing seems amiss, but since his banishment, me and my wife are both pushing for him to come and take up the spare bedroom we have in our home. Soon enough, I buy him a plane ticket and he arrives with little more than the clothes on his back and we take him in, no cost other than the expectation that he might help around the house a bit (he was a chef, so having a cook and someone to help clean was ideal for me who often did not have the time or energy to handle these tasks as thoroughly as I would like).
Part 3: The Incident
Now, I am skipping ahead a little bit here, but there's not much to be said about the time between. My wife worked part time hours, and when she did go to work, she'd have him tag along just so he wouldn't "Sit and stew with bad thoughts" at the house alone. I will admit that throughout this entire ordeal, I have had several, several times where my brain tried to warn me, but I ignored ALL of those signs because I trusted him, but more importantly, I trusted her with my life.
One new, frequent argument I found myself having with her was she would fall asleep on the couch, and when I finally tried to go to bed, I'd do my best to wake her and drag her upstairs. These became extremely frequent occurrences and I expressed to her how frustrated I was that I had to fight with her just to come to bed so we could sleep (mind you, this is not even about sex. Often I'm taking her to bed at like, 1am and I work at 7, so I really just wanted her to be sleeping in the bed). Hell, one time, I started catching the vibes that the longer I sat and waited for her to be ready to go upstairs, she just never would be, because they were waiting for me to leave so they could talk in hushed tones. On THAT particular night, I went upstairs alone with her finally awake, and she did not join me for another half hour.
Finally, the day arrives. Its Sunday. We are all downstairs hanging out. One of their newest habits I can't really stand but just dealt with is that she'd sit and crochet while he doomscrolled or strummed on a guitar I bought him and listen to music videos on youtube endlessly. Eventually, I grow weary and give my wife a kiss and tell her I'm gonna go upstairs and play some GW2 for a bit.
About an hour passes, and she enters the game room and tells me "I am uncomfortable. I really need to talk to you. Oh, you're dying!" (As she entered the room, I immediately turn face to talk to her and disregard the game, but she decided that my Charr was more important that what was about to happen, so she of course warns me.) We step into the bedroom and close the door.
"You're going to hate me," she says through tears, "me and Z kissed!" At this point, my brain short circuits and I recall one of my first thoughts being "Oh lord, here we go." and just a general desire to not be a part of this conversation. Shock sets in almost immediately. Still with a healthy dose of denial, I talk to her about what had happened and told her that it needed to end. Even at this point, I did not want to send this man home. Was it shock? Denial? Probably a mixture of the two, or some other additional emotional responses. She gets up after some discussion and goes downstairs, promising to shut him down, but comes back about 15 minutes later sobbing "I couldn't do it! I couldn't end it..." (Side note: In my confused haze of a mind, I feel personally threatened, and after she leaves the bedroom, I lock the door and grab a metal water cub I keep at my side and prepare to actually fight if it comes to it, but once she returns, I back off that idea again.)
Talking with her more, I present her with two options; Couple's therapy, or divorce. BOTH of these options are world ending to her, and she even goes so far as to suggest that just because I said the "D word" that it was what I wanted, which was objectively untrue. We talk back and forth about things I don't quite recall at this point, aside from one point where she comes back and locks herself in the master bath and tells me to call 911, she doesn't care, because she's going to take a bunch of pills, but after a couple of hours, Z shows up to the door and knocks and asks if he can come in. I tell him he may enter, and we talk for a bit. After about 5ish minutes, we decide to go downstairs to the living room and continue the discussion.
Once I sit down on the sofa, I immediately feel like I'm being positioned as the bad guy. I'm in the corner of our sectional, and she's on my left, he's on my right. She tells him "He said it's either a divorce or couple's therapy." "Oh, so he gave you an ultimatum?" I continue to argue that yes, those are the two only options. Z tells me "You're not being fair to her emotions. She is telling you there is another option." I am thoroughly baffled at this statement.
D: I didn't think it was possible and I didn't mean for it to happen, but I have fallen in love with another man. My heart has room for two. I truly have two soulmates. I have never been happier than sleeping on the couch next to my two boys.
Z: There is no reason you guys can't stay married, and we can explore what we've found. I mean, look at how happy she has been since I have been here!
Sick to my stomach, I get up to go vomit in the toilet. Now, I wore a silicone wedding ring, and often find even with a hand wash, a little water tends to get trapped under it. After I finish and wash myself up, I come back and am playing with my ring to dry it. She sees this as a sign that I am uncomfortable again wearing my ring, and takes off her ring as I sit back down and hands me her wedding ring.
Me: Uh, excuse me?
D: This is what you want, I can tell.
Me: No? I was washing my hands and water gets stuck under my ring...
D: Oh... I thought... okay. (And she takes back her ring from me)
I tell her, very clearly, the options are to either end things with him, or end things with me. At this point, I'm still in shock, but sober in mind enough to decide that this is not worth fighting over. I will not argue with my own wife my merits or why she shouldn't just pack up and leave with a jobless, now essentially homeless man, and if she cannot figure that out herself then I will eventually move on.
Crying, sobbing, she sits down in front of him and says, "I'm so sorry, I fought for you. I really did. I told you I'd fight for you and I failed. I loved being your girlfriend, but I need to be a good wife and stay."
Z says "Alright." and starts to go gather his things to leave. As he does, she grabs him and says "No, wait! Please don't go. I don't know what I want."
Z: Ok, well if we're getting all this out in the open, I want to say this. I love this girl. I love her with my whole heart, and without her, life is not worth living. I will not leave this house if you (me) tell me to. Only her. You are taking this very well right now, I can tell you want to hit me (Still in shock, no, I can genuinely say that emotion or thought had not actually registered outside of the event upstairs earlier), but this is my stand.
D: OP, we had a good run. I'm sorry.
And with that, I get up and go to get my sandals and leave the house to get some air. As I try to go, she runs to the door and he follows her. She pushes the door closed and says "No wait, please!"
Me: No, this is the deal. I'm going out to get some fresh air. I am not threatening self harm to "win you back".
D: Will you be back?
Me: I don't know.
Z: Man, I'm telling you, you don't understand, you think I am your enemy, but I am not.
And with that, I leave and shut the door.
In the about, hour, I am gone, I drive around near the house and I call my supervisor who I have a very good relationship with (and I did not want to involve direct friends or family yet because I'm afraid it's too early to start spreading this news). I go over to her house nearby and we chat shortly. After our talk, I have at least something of a clear head and go home, with words for both of them.
As I arrive home, there is no one downstairs. I go upstairs. His door is closed. I knock on the door.
Z: Uh, one second.
I wait for about 5 agonizing seconds, but I refuse to be shut out of rooms in my own home and open the door. He is shirtless, and she is hiding in the corner just out of sight of me. I look him in the eye.
Me: Really?
Z: Yep.
Me: Get out of my house.
And with that, they both silently pack their things and leave.
The second I hear the front door close, I start calling people. I am not above pettiness, and the first person I call is her mom, whom I have a good relationship with. She is SHAKEN and immediately calls her. (I find out later that it was a particularly harsh verbal beating by her, but it really doesn't change anything.)
When I come downstairs to check the state of the house, I see her wedding ring on the counter. I call out of work the next day and lay down and hope I die.
Part 4: Her Problems
So, there is some additional context that I did not add in part 1 because a lot of it is red flags I ignored over the course of our relationship that, in the days following, started to become more and more obvious. There are many that I spent much effort playing off or covering her for, but I will try to briefly list much of what I see as glaring issues in the relationship that were never remedied.
This woman is 30 years old and cannot drive. She can drive and HAS driven my vehicle at the start of the relationship (albeit illegally), but after one tiny little accident where she hit a pole and knocked my side mirror off (which she paid for and fixed before telling me, it really wasn't a big deal. I was on deployment), she never drove again. Attempts to get her behind the wheel would end very quickly after they started, and the conditions to get her in the seat were often extremely time limited, scheduled, or something would come up, and every time I told her "okay, this month we're getting your license for sure" it just wouldn't happen and I'd end up feeling like the one who was at fault.
She does not have her Bachelor's degree because she did not turn in her final project for one single class. Not only that, but she has never truly pursued a career with the things she learned from the coursework, or even used her AA.
For half of the relationship, she did not work at all. When she did, it was often part time work, and if she was saddled with full time hours or, god forbid, overtime, it was a world-ending affair. She would come home and constantly be tired from her few hours at work and would do little more than sit around and crochet.
Our agreement when we bought our house was that she was going to work full time and we were going to split household duties, but I would definitely scoop the cat box because she was allergic (but she wanted cats) and wash dishes (because she hated them), and she would do laundry (because I hated it). In practice, all her version of laundry turned out to be was to throw loads in when one of us was out of clothes and just hit wash and then rotate, and then leave all the clothes in a pile on the bed. EVERYONE KNOWS folding the laundry is the worst part! Come on! Men's clothes are easy! I don't wear that much! (When we would fold, I often finished in a third of her time and would just hang out and chat until she was done)
Ultimately, this meant that for many years now, she was working barely more than part time if she was working at all, and would sort-of do laundry. Meanwhile, I am scooping litter, folding laundry, doing dishes, doing all related yard work, doing all the household cleaning, handling all the finances, I did MOST of the cooking, and all of the grocery shopping (often going alone), driving her from work if I could (she'd uber it if not) and picking her up and driving her home, as well as just generally being a chauffeur for her for 10 years, while working a full time job and a side gig online. Many nights I'd have to stop what I was doing to pick her up at closing hours, and then would sit in the parking lot for 30 minutes while she did tasks like vacuum her little crystal shop that she definitely could have done before close so I didn't end up waiting so damn long. Then we'd come home hang out and eat while we watched TV, and then if I wanted to try and go upstairs to do another hobby, I'd be silently guilted about it because she wanted to sit on the couch and crochet.
Part 5: My Problems
I am not perfect, and admit I have flaws. One of her favorite things to claim to our friends now is that I was "emotionally neglectful", and if there is truth to it, I think I can pin down the day. Before I started working full time again, I was going to school on the 9/11 GI bill. I was not a good student in my younger years, but in time, I have become rather good at school. My first two semesters back I easily maintained a 4.0 GPA. Over the summer in 2022, I, woefully, decided to take a Calc 2 class online because I could not find one in person and wanted to be ready for Calc 3 in the Fall to fill a prereq for my bachelor's, and I really liked the instructor for that Calc 3 class. This calc 2 class was painful. The instructor had clearly recorded all his lectures during Covid and we were simply given the full course of videos and given work assignments and said "Email me if you have questions." This is not how I learn, but I figured, hey, it's one class. I'm working again, but one class isn't a huge deal. I can knock this out.
I was wrong.
After the second exam, I had a low C in the class and I knew I couldn't keep up. I withdrew from the class feeling no other option. I tend to be pretty good at math, and ultimately my dream was to work with 3d printing on an industrial scale with a Mechanical Engineering degree- and if that failed I had my military history (which is engineering relevant) and a degree to fall back on and work should come easily. After clicking that withdraw button, I saw those dreams vaporize. After that, I threw myself into my government civilian job full time and slowly fell into depression. By the end of our relationship, with the toll of doing 99% of the work around the house and for her and with my dreams dead and buried, at age 33, I would wake up and pray I died. I would never kill myself, but I wanted to just die. I felt backed into a corner. I still did everything I could to support her and hoped that one day, she would pick up some of the load and maybe, just maybe, I could go back, but that day did not come (At least not in the way I expected).
Part 6: The Aftermath
This post is already too long, and if I include every single detail that has come to light since, I might actually hit the post cap, but I will go over at least some of it here.
I have had my friends come out in droves. Both of them have been effectively exiled, at least from what I can see, from every friend circle we have. After a couple of days, they flew back to live with, I guess, his parents in Vegas while they sorted shit out, because after I spoke with Z's previous roommate, he adamantly explained he was tired of all the "fucking drama" that Z had been bringing into the house and was just done with it.
I have spoken with many, many people and gotten even more context and even receipts of some of each of their conversations to our mutual friends, and some of the shit I read is just hilarious. He is "not ashamed of pursuing happiness, he is just sad that people got hurt". She is "coming to terms with emotional neglect and felt trapped, but now, yes now, she is free."
I got my neighbors to watch the cats, and took my dog up to visit my closest friend of 20 years and spent about a week and a half drinking, smoking, and talking about all this while surrounded by some of the most beautiful nature the US has to offer. Truly, without this man, I don't think I'd have gotten this far as quickly as I have. He really has been a lifesaver and I truly, to my dying day, will always appreciate him.
Paperwork has been filed, we wish to remain on good terms, and one day I still do hope I can be a friend to her, but she is woefully immature and incapable of adequately performing in an adult society. I have quit my job and am returning to school with a much lighter budget and will be getting that degree I desperately need.
It's been hard, real hard. I have put every ounce of my being into this relationship, and I truly felt like she was part of me, and nothing like this could ever happen. But it's that trust that allowed this to happen. I do not hate her, I'm just disappointed. I will pick up my pieces and, hopefully, find myself whole again soon.
Part 7: Rambling anecdotes
These are some stories I wanted to include in the previous body of text but didn't feel like it kept the same flow (if there even is any at all, I'm not proofreading this). If I remember any others after I post, Ill just toss them in the comments.
Early after Z came to live with us, my mother came to the house to drop off a package. I am pretty sure I was at work, but when my mother came to the door, both of them answered the door and the way my mom describes it "First of all, do you answer the door at your friends house? Also, the way he hovered over her made me uncomfortable. They were in the doorway and he was right up behind her poking his head out." She said my wife had told her that I was feeling unwell and was upstairs sleeping. I can't even be sure at this point.
Shortly before all the things happened, my parents were going out of town to celebrate their own anniversary, and I had agreed to dog-sit their 5 month old puppy (who, while cute, has WAY too much energy and was EXTREMELY difficult to handle, and I have raised several dogs at this point). We met up and took the dog, and then ALL of us (including Z) went to dinner. At dinner, my mother looked at my wife and asked, directly "And so how long have you been married? 6, almost 7 years? Well at least you missed that 7 year itch, huh" and my wife shortly followed with a comment about how she was not hungry and did not eat dinner that night.
All of this happened WHILE THIS CRAZY PUPPY was running around the house, and part of me thinks he pushed this to happen when it did because he could not stand having to help take care of this dog any longer (2 days).
About a week after all this happened, my wife did not text or call me, or respond to any messages or emails I sent her (I didn't send many, but they exist). Frustrated, I text her and tell her I need to talk to her about logistics moving forward, specifically about her belongings. She told me "I will talk to you when I am ready." We did not talk for another week. Also, she told me to stop talking to her mom. (I have a good relationship with both of my in-laws and while her step-father tried to remain impartial to the best of his abilities, he gave me some of the best advice I could possibly have gotten at that time, mostly about how to move forward and cope, as he has personally dealt with this with smaller relationships 3 separate times in his life which he gave me details on, and we are still on good terms.)
Their favorite TV show to watch together was Outlander, which, if you aren't aware, is basically a story about a woman who time travels and has two men in her life.
One of our biggest constant points of contention was my friendship with an old high school buddy (who I spent much of the time in the aftermath hanging out with while healing). We believe, with good reason, that she hated this man because after I had almost been hospitalized for psych reasons due to stress, he had told me I needed to talk to her about working again and doing more to help around the house. She figured out, obviously, who was telling me to say these things, and sent a very, very angry text to his wife. They all apparently made up, but I know she never let that grudge go.
One of the fairly recent hobbies I got into was D&D. It seemed like a good fit for all of us. She loved fantasy and gaming, I enjoyed 3d printing and story telling. She needed friends, and a party of people hangin out would give her at least a few connections to start. Every night she "participated" in D&D, she mostly sat quiet and did not do anything. Hell, I tried to get her to participate in 2 different games, and after she left the first one, she asked to just sit quietly in the discord call (This first one was online only, second was in person) and listen, which was super awkward. In the in person game, after 3 months of playing, she did not know how to play her character at all, and mostly spent her time at the table crocheting. (My buddy even made a comment about how at one point, he was proud of how good I was getting at DMing and I was giving particularly good exposition, and she interrupted me to hand another player at the table a dice bag she made. I don't remember it, but I absolutely believe this happened.)
The day of "the incident", she had a meltdown about how a friend of hers had ghosted her. I told her it was okay, she was much younger anyway and people grow apart. She's probably going through stuff and we should respect that path she's on. She cried about how she has no friends.
Also the day of "the incident", we were in the shower together and she told me she had met her sister's new BF on facetime. I asked "why did she break up with her old one?" "Well... she cheated on him." "Oh, that's a shame. Cheating is probably the most cowardly act a person can do to another. If you're going to start a new relationship, you need to grow a pair and end it before starting a new one." She clearly took my words to heart.
One of my biggest pet peeves about cleaning the house is our dog sheds, a lot. If I see a hairball roll through the house it immediately drains me a bit. We had a roomba. She would send that thing home when it started and never start it again. It barely ran. She would not vacuum.
One of the most common descriptors of her I've heard used by many people now that they're "allowed to" is "She was there, doing the thing with us, but it was like she wasn't there."
Something she thought that I apparently hadn't figured out by the time we talked after everything happened was that they had been talking since February. I told her I wasn't stupid and had figured it out already that this wasn't out of the blue.
Z's wife is currently pregnant with the baby of the man she cheated on him with. (And he is also married)
Anything else I remember Ill leave for comments, I know there is much, much more.

So I went into my local store today to pick up my BOPIS order, get the new Coconut mist as a reward, and exchange 2 FFM (Getaway Soiree) that I had got on sale for $5.95 like 2 weeks ago, it was an online order shipped to my house to clarify. I grabbed 2 Vacation Vibe FFM and went to register and told her I had 2 exchanges, 2 rewards I wanted to claim and a BOPIS. I know this is a lot of info but I feel it's needed to say cause maybe it was too much for her & maybe that's why I was given a hard time, anyway when we did the exchanges she asked if I had the receipt and I was already looking thru my phone for it which was a mistake I should of had it ready since I recently had multiple orders, like 6 in the last 2 weeks please don't judge me🤦‍♀️, anyways she asked for ID instead and as she was scanning them I found the receipt in my email but she already did it with ID, then she told me that I have to pay the difference cause it's a new item that I was trying to exchange for and that I got my FFM for $5.95 & I told her I thought as long as I have my receipt which I do right here & the sticker price were the same it would be fine cause they both said 17.95, I've had employees tell me just buy an item on sale & return it later with the receipt, she said no they won't let me cause these sprays are new releases it didn't matter if I had the receipt or not. I didn't want to argue with her or continue to question her, I appreciate all the employees & I hear stories here of difficult customers & I don't want to be one so I respectfully told her ok np it's ok I'll just take them, she asked so do you want your money back for them? I told her no it's ok I'll just keep them. Maybe I'm crazy or in the wrong but I've had many employees tell me in a sale when I'm looking for a scent like in a candle or something that some stores released early so some have it some don't but they will tell me to buy them now then return them later with the receipt I get she was trying to do it with ID but I told her right when she scanned them "oh look now I found the receipt" if this is accurate when was this rule changed? Is this new? Btw sorry for long post!