Dobrý Den!
Spent 4 days in the country. Stayed in Prague and went to Plzen for one afternoon to visit the Pilsner Urquell factory and also to walk around the city.
I really enjoyed my trip to Czechia and have a lot to say:

• Prague is indeed beautiful. Also, pretty clean and safe. Cleaner than Lisbon, I must admit. There were homeless people and beggars in the city centre, public parks and near the train station; but that's the same in every major European city, anyway. Never felt or had any issues. None of those people bothered me or anything.
  
• Prague is very walkable.
  
• Prague isn't exactly cheap. But not filthy expensive either. I'd compare it to Lisbon in terms of prices, I'd say. Naturally, in the city centre things are more expensive.
  
• The Pilsner Urquell tour was very cool and the guide really nice. And ofc, the free beer I got was great.
  
• Czech beer is, of course, delicious. And served in thick mugs!
  
• Prague is rather small but has a lot to see.
  
• Like Lisbon, and many other capital cities, Prague is also full of those generic looking mini-supermarkets and lots of Asian food and bubble tea places. And it's also flooded by tourists. Hard not to bump into people in the city centre at times.
  
• Charles Bridge is the coolest bridge I've ever seen.
  
• The Museum of Torture is small but very cool.
  
• Franz Kafka's Museum is alright. But I would only recommend it to those who are fans of him.
  
• The National Museum in Prague is pretty great. I learned a lot about your history there.
  
• Visiting Franz Kafka's grave was interesting. First time I ever had to wear a kippa. Is it normal that I had to hold it with my hand in order to avoid it from falling on the ground every 3 steps or so?
  
• Prague's metro works fine but looks very samey. It looked like the stations hadn't been renovated in a long time. The trains also look old. The ticket machines also still use a honour system, unlike in Lisbon where you gotta swipe the ticket/card for the doors to open. I could have easily ridden Prague's metro without paying if I was dishonest. But I'm not!
  
• Prague's Castle is amazing. And gives you great top views of the city.
  
• It's so cool that Prague still has trams running all over the city. In Lisbon they're just present in the historic parts of the city nowadays.
  
• I've found Czechs very polite and peaceful people. You don't even make eye contact on the streets and the metro. Unlike in Portugal where people, usually older ones, will give you funny looks if your clothes are a little worn out and you haven't shaved in a few days.
  
• Communication wasn't difficult. It wasn't difficult to find Czechs who spoke English in shops, bars, restaurants and museums. Even the older ones spoke it without much trouble. Might be different outside of Prague and Plzen, though. And I did have to speak German one time in the Plzen train station with a middle aged woman, which was cool.
  
• The customer service in shops, pivobars and restaurants was satisfactory. On the internet you often read/hear that service is bad in Central and Eastern Europe, but I suspect it's mostly Americans saying that, since apparently they're used to a higher standard of customer service. I really didn't find it any different from Portugal. Occasionally you'd find someone more "annoyed" or "indifferent" to you, just like in my country. But no one was rude or mean to me.
  
• People generally became more appreciative if you used a word or two of Czech. I was almost always greeted with "dobry den!" in the places I entered, which made me say it back, and then I'd switch to English.
  
• The Czech police uniform is pretty cool. All black.
  
• Plzen is a very nice and quiet city. And not flooded by tourists like Prague. I especially liked the cathedral and the synagogue.
  
• Czech schnitzel is very good. I also liked the duck dumpling. And the fried cheese is awesome. Trdelnik is awesome, even if it might give you diabetes.
  
• Prague's airport is very well organised and clean. First time in my life I dared to poop in an airport's bathroom. It was super clean as in spotless.
  
• You guys love ice hockey. An important tournament was going on and saw gatherings of people in bars excited about it.
  
• Krtek is cute. I had to buy his stuffed toy.
  
• The weather was bipolar. It was rather hot, but also rainy. In Plzen, it suddenly rained a lot for like an hour and then it was as if it hadn't rained at all.
  
• Czech trains are fine. The Muj Vlak app is great. Wi-fi didn't work in my trip to Plzen but it worked fine in my return to Prague.
  
• You guys seem to love dogs.
  
• The sights I saw through the train window in my trips between Prague and Plzen were nice. I really like the colourful Central European architecture, and the countryside looked pretty green and clean as well.
  
• Saw several Ukrainian flags, including a big one outside the National Museum in Prague. That's good. I also saw one Israeli flag somewhere in Prague neat to a Czech and Ukrainian flag, but don't know what kind of building it was.
  
• I expected Czechs to be taller. I am about 183-184 and I was taller than the average guy there, even though I did also see many around my height and taller, naturally. But I had read that the average height in Czechia was 180-181 for men, so I expected to feel much more average. Yet, I felt like I was taller than your average Czech guy by 6cm or so on average.
  

That's all I can think for now. I was only in Czechia for 4 days(3 nights), but I did and saw a lot of stuff.
Dunno if anyone cares, but I decided to share my thoughts on my trip to Czechia, anyway. If any of you have been to Portugal, particularly to Lisbon, feel free to tell me whether you agree or disagree with my observations/comparisons or not.

It had been yet another day on Lantica beach for the Crimson Paragons, not too long after the hard fought victory in the unexpected alien invasion. But something just kept nagging at Talios... A strange emotion that just wouldn't leave. A... Yearning. For something. For... Someone. Someone had been at the back of his mind ever since he had returned from that trip. When that Lamia had hugged him, tail and all, Talios felt strange. He felt something he had never felt before. A new emotion... And unbeknownst to him, this emotion would spark something even he'd think unfathomable. All it'd take... Is one, relatively innocent question. When everyone was chowing down on some delicious food Nhak had made at the beach party, and Kyouko, one of Max's comrades had showed up. A Jorõgumo. A yokai with a ravenous appetite, essentially.
Kyouko showed up, by... Crawling down a banana tree. There were no longer any bananas in that tree. Not even peels...
"A large fish skewer? Sounds nice."
Talios gives a simple response, not entirely paying attention. Something else is bugging him.
"Hi Kyouko."
Nhak, on the other hand, gives her a proper response.
"Yes Kyouko, a whole fish, just for you! Made with love! Aoi Helped!”
But just then... Talios gets a brilliant idea. And... He can finally try and get her out of his head.
"Say... Kyouko. Do you... Know where Nagisa is?"
Nagisa. Another of Max's crew, practically a daughter to him. A rather bubbly Lamia, though her words can pack quite the venom when she's teasing someone. Talios, unfortunately. Is not aware of this yet.
"Nagisa should be in the lodge still. Rachnia is helping her fix her swimsuit."
Damn it. He was hoping for her to be alone, so they could speak in private. Looks like I'll have to abort, Talios thinks to himself...
But he's practically wearing his heart on his sleeve. Everybody can tell what's happening, he's a... Terrible liar.
"Ah, I see. Alright then."
Talios gives another simple response, hoping for the topic to just be dropped. But everybody else can tell how... Unusual, he's acting after mentioning Nagisa's name.
"Something up, boss man?"
Ember. A small dragon, ethereal in nature... Most of the time. In this instance, it appears she's in fact, solid. It's a part of Ejders soul network going on in his body. Talios had completely forgotten Ember was on his shoulder...
"...What are you talking about Ember. I'm fine."
Talios... Is a really bad liar. It is quickly becoming apparent just how bad he is.
"I doubt that. You're just randomly asking about the tail meatbag? For no reason?"
Then Aoi the Oni speaks up.
"Talios yer startin' ta sound like Max askin where Rachnia is. Ya doin alright?"
"I am... Perfectly fine. Just wanted to make sure everybody is accounted for. Bounty hunter instincts, can't help it."
A slightly better lie. Still obvious. But a slightly better lie.
"Come on! I'm your second in command! You can tell me these things!"
It's impossible to tell how Ember got the notion of being second in command.
Now it's Sarah who speaks up, yet another comrade of Max. A cyclops.
"if ya had a face I'd tell ya your pokerface blows. But uh... Yer pokerhelmet blows."
"I do have a face."
Talios takes off his helmet. His pokerface does, in fact blow. He looks... Ever so slightly flustered, even. In expression, more than anything. He can't blush, since he has no blood.
"Your pokerface is even worse than your pokerhelmet."
This time it's Safi, a dragon of the stars. Although, currently, they're in a human form.
Talios: "I could kick all of your asses at poker."
Ejder: "Remove the last two words, and I could believe it."
Sarah: "Did that Lamia hug from yesterday awaken somethin in ya? Awww."
Talios: "The tight and scaly Lamia hug awoke absolutely nothing in me."
Safi: "I've never heard a more blatant lie than that."
Talios: "Yes you have. Because it isn't a lie."
Sarah: "Talios. I have to deal with Max tryin to bluff his way through shit. Your pokerface ain't cuttin it."
Talios: "I am the best liar to ever live across the damn centuries. You're all simply fools who mistake complete truth for mere lies."
Suddenly, Nhak appears to phase behind Talios. He places a ghostly hand on his shoulder.
"From one armored giant to another..."
"Your pokerhelm really is terrible."
And Nhak lets out a laugh, Talios feeling more defeated by the second.
"Oh not you too Nhak..."
"Talios do I reaaaaaally have to use my strings to make ya tell the truth?"
This voice came from Rachnia, Max's Fiancé. She came out of the water, having been taking a walk...
Talios jumps at Rachnia's presence.
"WHERE IN THE BLAZING blue hells did you come from."
His voice changes from loud to quiet on a dime, oddly enough. And it was at this moment...
That a devilish look came across Ember's face.
"Hey, Talios, since you wanted to make sure everyone's accounted for, why don't you go check in on the Tail-Meatbag personally?"
"...I- Well... You see..."
Talios falls silent, having been defeated at his own game by Ember. Finally though, Kyouko asks the question that had been plaguing Talios since Rachnia's arrival.
"weren't you helping Nagisa with her swimsuit, Rachnia?"
"got that done earlier. She's helping Cerne tie her swimsuit now."
Perfect! Talios had his out, with Rachnia confirming that they can account for Nagisa.
"Ah. See, she's with Cerne! Rachnia can account for it. No need to go looking. No reason... At all..."
And Talios thought he was safe... Until the sight of Cerne casually strolling along the beach enters his view.
Talios: "...Wait why are you here Cerne?"
Rachnia: "Hey, Cerne, I thought Nagisa was with you!"
"Guess she might be in the lodge with Lala or Eliza."
Ember: "C'mon, Boss Man! Everyone has given a different response as to where Snake is! You gotta figure out which one is true!"
Talios: "...Surely Cerne is right."
She was not, as Lala happens to walk out of the water with perfect timing. One by one, each of Max's companions says another is with Nagisa... And every time, the companion mentioned shows up... Until there are no more companions to show up.
Meaning, Nagisa is in fact. Unaccounted for. Talios lets out a defeated sigh, picking Ember off of his shoulder and placing her down.
"I... Will go make sure Nagisa is accounted for..."
Feeling utterly defeated, Talios trudges to the lodges in search of Nagisa. Seph, a multiversal god, and known as the Paragon of Freedom... Only has a few words to say.
”Godspeed, funny chaos man.”
Eventually, Talios reaches the fifth lodge. Each one before, held no answer. He expected nothing different from this one. Three firm knocks on the door...
"Yeees? Who is it?"
Ah shit. So Nagisa was here... Talios was kind of hoping she wasn't so he wouldn't have to go through this.
"Damn..."
"AHEM. Uh. I was told to make sure everybody was accounted for. So... Yeah. You weren't at the beach, so I came to check the lodges."
A few moments of awkward silence.
"WELL! Since you're here, I can return to the group and inform them of you being accounted for."
Talios immediately turns and starts walking away, satisfied with his totally foolproof lie.
It was... Absolutely terrible. Obviously.
But before he could leave. A behemoth of a man stands in his way. Gonkgar. He himself is walking to the lodges.
"Where Nagisa?"
"Talios... you're not just here to check on me, are you? You lie terribly."
Nagisa's voice is... Frankly, beautiful to Talios's ears. But damn it... Why did Gonkgar have to intercept him...
"I don't even need to see your face to know. Come on in, the door's unlocked."
Gonkgar pushes Talios toward the door and turns around.
"...Shit."
"Alright fine..."
Talios pops open the door a crack, peeking in. He hits his helmet on the door frame.
"hey, no need to be shy!"
"...I am never shy. A bounty hunter is not shy."
He has not moved from his peeking position in the door. Nagisa giggles in response to Talios's very, very poor lies.
"Actions speak louder than words ever could. Now head inside before I have to pull you inside myself."
"I- ...Okay. Fine."
Talios, begrudgingly, enters the lodge. He's... Fidgeting. He has his hands hidden behind his back, but it's obvious just from the movement of his arms in general.
Not even Talios is sure what he's feeling... Or how.
Gonkgar stands nearby Nagisa’s lodge with his arms crossed, defending his bro’s chance at makin’ a move.
"Oooh you don't even have to tell me. someone's in loooove?"
"Did Max send you to me for advice?"
Talios seems... Genuinely startled by Nagisa's question.
"...Love? I... Am not sure... I don't think Chaos gave me such capabilities... Nor was I sent by Max specifically..."
"Then why are you fidgeting like a schoolgirl about to confess?"
Ouch. There's the venomous teasing Talios was unaware about. And it certainly stings a tad.
"Body language says alot. Maybe Chaos did give you those capabilities already."
"...But why would she... Ugh... No, I could see it."
Gonkgar is still standing stock-still like a statue, arms crossed and giving dagger eyes to anything that comes near, even animals. A rat looks mortified and leaves.
"So... You want to know how to deal with what you're feeling, or... Don't tell me, you have a crush on lil ol me?"
It is immediately obvious that Nagisa hit the bullseye with that one. Talios falls silent for... A solid half a minute, at least.
"...I suppose I should get going for the uh. The feast. Yeah. Man, I'm hungry..."
Okay, now he's just getting desperate with subject changes like that.
"Man, you're terrible at this. Want some advice on how to properly confess?"
"...I feel like... Getting help on this matter, from you... Would be nigh insulting. But fine. I guess..?"
Talios is apprehensive. He still isn't fully processing these emotions he's having... But. Well. He finds it hard to say no to Nagisa.
"So lets start at the basics. When you look at me, what do you feel?"
"Perfectly fi-"
Talios stops himself.
"...Very. Very strange. Like... Fuzzy, I think it would be described."
"Strange and fuzzy inside. Alright. So, when you look at me, what do you want to do? Do you think of someone or something else?"
She's fishing for a particular answer it seems. But Talios, oh poor Talios... Is so, so very dense. Perhaps, denser than a neutron star.
Talios seems to stumble over his words, trying to find the necessary ones to articulate what he wants.
"I... Do not want to do anything to you. Obviously."
Easily a lie.
"Uh... When I look at you, I suppose I think about... You. When I look at most people I'm thinking of them."
Dense motherfucker...
"Aww, I thought those guts of yours would carry over into social skills. What a pity.
"Now, when you look at Max and Rachnia together, do you think of me?"
The verbal jab seems to strike a nerve with Talios for a moment... But yet again, it also seems you've hit the bullseye.
"Well... Yes... Kind of. Occasionally."
"Awww. How sweet. They're joined at the hip. Do you want that too?
Talios feels her tail slowly coiling around his legs.
And it was at this moment, that Maximillian, who had delivered nachos to the beach party felt something very wrong...
Max: "I feel like something is going... Wrong."
Ember: "What? What do ya mean, lucky man?"
Max starts checking his revolver, to make sure it's locked and loaded.
"No real idea... Just... feeling like I'll need to be prepared soon."
Nhak: "On the contrary, I feel like something is going right..."
Safi: "What do you mean, Max?"
Max: "Call it... Parental instinct."
Gonkgar knows what Talios wants, even if Talios doesn’t. It seems Nagisa does too.
Gonkgar begins to think about all the times he and Talios hung out together, his true bro. All the times they fought for fun, and destroyed wizard tarrasques together. He thinks of the time Gonkgar wanted to ask that one girl out to the prom, and Talios totally encouraged him to press his luck. When Gonkgar’s mom was sick in the hospital, Talios made sure to take care of his dogs. If Gonkgar can be here for his bro now, that is precisely what he’ll do.
90% of that might not have ever happened in the real world, but Gonkgar likes to think it did… Somewhere.
Safi: "Do you feel that parental instinct because Talios went to see Nagisa?"
Max: "He did?!"
Safi: "It was pretty obvious he had a crush on her."
Max: "Wait he has a crush on her?!"
Nhak: "Well, someone brought up Nagisa... And he went melon."
Rachnia pulls a quick purple string and hooks it onto Max. Just one command is spoken. "Give him a chance."
He holsters his pistol.
"Fine."
Back in Nagisa's lodge... Talios is stiller than a statue as the Lamia's tail grows closer to his leg. He feels a chill down his non-existant spine... It's probably just a draft... But wait. He doesn't feel cold, generally. Or any temperature. How strange...
"Well... Isn't there like... A process..."
Talios is getting more and more flustered by the minute, something not even HE thought was possible! He's been getting an awful lot of new emotions lately...
"Well there's nothing wrong with a big hug, is there? I'm not easily impressed, so you'll have to do your best."
Talios seems to... Loosen up, slightly?
"Oh. Yes. Hug. Of course. Uh... Sure..."
she taps Talios' nose with the tip of her tail.
"I'll be waiting for a black knight on a noble steed. Impress me."
Aha. Talios understands perfectly now... Is what he thought. But he doesn't. He's so, unbelievably dense... And perhaps, takes thing a little too literally.
”He cooked.”
Gonkgar says to the rat. How foolish he was... Talios was fumbling hard.
"I guess... That's my cue to leave... Ha."
Talios is getting ready to leave... But why?
"Are you sure running away now is very knightly? Wouldn't want to run with your tail between your legs when it matters most."
she's just brushing her hair again, her eyes closed, back turned to Talios.
”Man, she not make it easy for bro. It like bro just discover pools exist, and get thrown in deep end right away.”
Gonkgar says to the rat.
Talios freezes. The sharp words of Nagisa shock him to his very core... Because he thought she wanted a horse.
"But. I was going to go get a horse... You said I needed a noble steed... And all..."
Max is looking at the lodges, arms on his hips.
He sees Gonkgar standing guard. Gonkgar gives a slow nod.
“Let he cook.” He mouths at Max.
Max: "I have to give THIS a chance?"
He's tapped into the security footage.
"He can't even pick up on the noble steed hint! How can you fumble THIS hard?!"
She chuckles.
"I don't need an actual horse. We already have Cerne."
Ah. Now Talios gets it. At least, he thinks he does.
"Oooh! ...Why would I need to get Cerne? Can she help with this?"
"I gotta say, at least you're funny... You know what? I'll give you a few dates. See where it leads... If you can convince Max."
Gonkgar silently launches 30 feet in the air and fist bumps before landing in front of the door again.
"A black knight against a white knight, just like the fairytales. If nothing else, it'll be a fairytale made true."
Gonkgar is silent screaming in front of the door.
”Let GOOOOOOOO!”
Max: "Alright then, hon. If that's the criteria ya want, I'll oblige."
He starts loading his revolver with explosive rounds.
Talios, on the other hand, seems to immediately lighten up. He seems... Happy?
"Really? Wow. Uh... Thank you, Nagisa. I promise to not disappoint. And uh... Maybe... Grow less dense. I guess. Ha."
"Don't count your chickens before they hatch. I have a feeling that you're going to have a much tougher time convincing Max, than convincing me."
Talios's entire mood shifts on a dime. Grim.
"Ah. Yes. Maximillian... Oh dear."
Talios walks out of the lodge, immediately greeted by Gonkgar's back.
"...I won, Gonkgar. I won."
Gonkgar turns around and immediately gives him a giant bear hug. It is pretty tight, but Talios can take it.
"TALIOS WIN."
"Thank you, Gonkgar... For stopping me from leaving that door."
”Gonkgar know what it like. Me have experience with ladies.” He fist bumps Talios’s shoulder. “Okay, you hide now?”
"...Hide? I know Maximillian needs convincing, but... It can't be that bad. Right?"
Talios walks past Gonkgar to the rest of the group once more, unaware of his possibly impending doom.
"He have weapon out. Take Gonkgar second favorite weapon, it maybe help."
Gonkgar holds out a strange... Fish... Spear? To Talios.
"I'll be fine. Although I appreciate the thought, Gonkgar."
And Talios continues walking back to the beach party. And he arrives with a pep in his step never seen before...
"Hello, everybody. Nagisa is perfectly accounted for."
Talios gives a big thumbs up as he delivers the message.
Max: "Yeah. We know. Sooooo. dating sweet little Nagisa, huh."
He's seated, ominously tapping the blue and silver alchemy revolver on his leg.
"Uh... I'm not sure if it's... Considered offically dating. Yet. Just uh... Testing the waters, one may say...You know, I'll admit I'm pretty dense but uh. You seem a tad angry, Maximillian."
"I'm not mad... Just protective."
"Uh... Yeaaah..."
Ahem.
"I think I'll go talk with... Nagisa a bit more. Let you... Cool off."
This. Was a very... VERY poor choice of words.
Maximillian shoots the floor behind Talios, where he would have stepped if he were to walk to the lodges. Talios turns stone cold and still as a statue.
Talios: "Got it."
Max: "We're havin a chat. Ain't nice to walk out during that."
Max: "I'll be honest with ya, Talios. Had it not been you, I'd have put you in the dirt already. Nagisa gave ya a chance, and said if you can beat me, she'll give you a few dates.... so..."
He slowly walks up to Talios.
"When's the duel, friend?"
"Ha... Saturday. High noon. And let it be known..."
"I won't lose, Maximillian Ironstout. That is a promise."
"...Just like I promised Nagisa I'll impress her on those dates."
Now he's trying to egg Max on.
"Ironstout, huh. Didn't even know you knew that raggedy old name of mine. Alright then. We'll see if you're worthy enough to be a son in law, shall we, Chaos Spawn?"
He laughs, no longer being able to keep up the charade.
"Man I suck at intimidation. Hope ya don't mind the hard time, Talios."
"Meh. If it was anyone else, it could've worked. But you've seen how I am, ha! Thinking I could take on Seph."
So he IS self conscious somewhat.
"The hard time only makes things more fun."
And so, it had been decided. Talios now has to fight... For love? Something Talios thought impossible. Strange how things work out like that.
And unbeknownst to all... Chaos is deeply amused by this turn of events.

Hi all,
I found a very young puppy in the White City neighborhood. He is safe with me and has been fed with food and water. The emergency vet could not find a chip. If you’re missing a young, male, puppy please respond with a description. I want to make sure he goes to the rightful owners, so I’m trying not to post a photo at this time.

In Los Angeles I had communicated with the owner the day of arrival. He sent the general arrival message and then sent a message that he had been in the hospital for a spider bite a few days earlier. I offered to help with his pets, he said it was taken care of.
On Friday night at 10:30pm I arrived to my room in the host's home after a long flight. I went to use the guest bathroom and there was garbage left in the can. I went back to the bedroom and saw dark cat fur all over the bottom of the bed. I had sat on the bed for a moment and felt something grainy, not sure if it came from me but I wasn't in sand or if it was litter.
I went to the kitchen to see the coffee maker and if there was a blender so I can get groceries for breakfast for the week. The kitchen had a very strong smell of dog food. I have had pets and I love dogs but this is not how a kitchen should smell. It was also a mess. I went back to the room and ordered dinner.
The toilet was running so I went back to the bathroom. Outside of the bathroom door was a massive massive roach. It was not the species of giant roach I have seen in Brazil. It also was not a water bug. It was vile. This is the first airbnb I experienced with bugs this way.
I went back to the room and immediately sent airbnb a message, sent the host a message, then called customer service. An amazing agent came on the line and was extremely helpful. He said what happened is unacceptable and told me to leave asap. That airbnb would cover my hotel for tonight up to 200.00 and I told him that I came to LA for meetings that I won't have the time to find another place and switch. I was offered an airbnb credit for 200.00 so I can have two nights at a hotel. The agent stayed with me on the line until I was safely outside with my belongings.
The host replied sorry, that he hadn't wanted to put me out because he was in the hospital. He also claimed that someone brought the roach in when cleaning his home. I do not believe anyone cleaned at all. Nor do I believe the bed was changed with fresh sheets for my week long stay.
I am a person with a disability, I have neuropathy in my legs from lyme disease and am receiving therapy to walk better. At the airports I use a wheelchair. While traveling the world had not been impeded by my recovery, it was an extreme inconvenience to need to move units late at night.
As I spoke with the agent, he saw my guest history. I am an exceptional guest. All of my reviews and host feedback is excellent. I joined Airbnb in beta from a friend who worked in social media, this is when Airbnb had social media integration and you had to be referred. I travel the world with Airbnb and have not had one bad experience in the decade and a half of joining. There are hosts that I'm still connected with as we follow each others travels.
The conundrum I have is do I take this host at his word and believe that he was in the hospital, that he was truly worried for my stay to not put me out or was he putting his own needs first and withheld telling me so he could make money from my stay? I believe I have a responsibility to the Airbnb community in this situation but I also have compassion for someone who may have been seriously ill and did not have help to cover the cleaning prior to arrival. Also roaches don't just appear and stay on a wall for 20 minutes but this one did.
Please share your opinions on how you would proceed with the review. Also I can send the mods here the screenshots from the conversation with the agent because I had to send photos live from the app.

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2. Granite Flooring

Granite is one of the most different types of stone flooring since it can be used on both floors and worktops.
It occurs in various natural colors, with black, white, red-brown, and beige being the most popular. As a result, it's a stone that may be used in various styles.
Granite is one of the most challenging natural stones on the planet in terms of durability, and as a result, it is exceptionally resistant to scratches and heat damage.
Last but not least, Granite is a non-porous rock that resists acidic stains almost wholly. In addition, Granite comes in a variety of colors, including black, green, pearl, and galaxy.
Advantages of granite flooring;

• You can use granite on heavily laden floors because of its firm texture.
• Granite floors can tolerate normal wear and tear.
• The property's worth is increased by its exceptional properties and endurance.

Disadvantages of granite flooring;

• Granite flooring necessitates adequate support. Granite tiles can quickly shatter if there are any small lanes or bumps on the subflooring.

3. Slate Flooring

Slate is a lovely porous stone with a lot of character. These types of slate flooring are easier to cut and mold into flat flooring sheets.
Slate is available in three colors: black, gray, and gold. In addition, Its surface is stain-resistant or impermeable, making it ideal for use in kitchens, dining rooms, bathrooms, corridors, and living spaces.
Slate is a versatile material that may be used in both humid and dry regions of the home. In addition, Slate can also be used to make a lovely mosaic pattern on the walls of a bedroom.
Also, It is an excellent or appropriate substance to employ in the home to create a warm atmosphere.
Advantages of slate flooring;

• Slate is more stain-resistant, highly durable, and water-resistant than other types of stone flooring materials.
• Slate flooring is slip-resistant and has a contemporary or rustic look and feel.
• Bathrooms and water closets with dark brown Slate have a tidy and earthy appearance.

Disadvantages of slate flooring;

• Because of the quality of tile laying, slate tiles may be inconsistent.
• Slate can be broken if the subfloor is uneven, and essential things falling on the tiles can also produce tiny fissures on the surface.

4. Travertine Stone flooring

Travertine is formed when hot spring water bubbles through Limestone. It is a desired flooring option due to its distinct personality and appearance.
Travertine tile flooring is ideal for bathrooms, shower stalls, corridors, living areas, and laundry rooms. Keep in mind.
However, that travertine is related to Marble and Limestone. All three have the exact performance characteristics and maintenance requirements virtually.
All three stones have in common that they can all be scraped and carved (damage to the finish from acids and harsh cleaners).
It is critical to completely clean and care for your furniture.
Advantages;

• They provide a warm, inviting atmosphere and go with any decor.
• Earthy, deep tones are provided by travertine.
• Because of the gentler natural development, it has a softer feel.

Disadvantages;

• It is more easily scratched and stained if not treated.
• Travertine stone is porous and contains many holes, allowing it to absorb water and show indications of wear and tear over time.
• Before grouting and after installation, a protective sealer is required.
• Travertine is susceptible to stains caused by a variety of acidic foods.

5. Limestone Flooring

This is one of the different types of stone flooring that is naturally soft and porous.
These stone flooring options are suitable for a wide range of decorating styles, from traditional to contemporary. It's simple to keep clean and maintain.
The earthy appeal of the limestone floor adds to the house's charm. Furthermore, unlike Marble, pottery, and other materials, Limestone is not glassy or slippery, making it a safe choice for families with children or dogs.
In addition, Limestone is available in a wide range of colors, from milk to charcoal.
Advantages;

• Durability: It can withstand a lot of foot traffic.
• Creates a natural, beautiful aesthetic that other materials can't match.
• It's pretty simple to clean.

Disadvantages;

• To avoid damage during the monsoon season, several types of stone must be regularly in seal.
• Some stones are more fragile and susceptible to chipping.

6. Quartzite

Quartzite is well-known as a material for decorative tiles and wall veneers, but it has recently gained popularity as a countertop material.
It can resemble Marble in appearance yet has the durability, performance, and low-maintenance characteristics of Granite.
Quartzite is used by people who find the busy patterns of Granite and the upkeep of Marble a little too much.
Furthermore, A quartzite floor can greatly benefit areas of the house or structure that experience a lot of foot traffic. The stone also holds up well outdoors.

7. Sandstone

Sandstone is a warm, earthy stone with a sandy ridged texture, and rich red, tan, and brown colors conjure the beach and desert. However, these are the most popular colors—pink, gray, gold, black, and white.
Sandstone has a simple design and is frequently a single color. However, it can show variegated tints and striations of different colors.
Furthermore, Cemented silicates, quartz, feldspar, clays, and silt make up the majority of this sedimentary rock.
Because sandstone tile is soft and porous, it is easy to scratch and stain, weighing the benefits and drawbacks. It is not as long-lasting as Granite, but it is durable enough.
The appearance will alter slightly when put outdoors due to weather.

There are different types of drywall based on the activity and installation location.
One significant benefit of drywall is the tapered edges on the long ends of drywall sheets.
When connected, these edges make a shallow recess for drywall tape and joint compound, resulting in an imperceptible finished connection.
Drywall is a type of construction material used to cover the framing on walls and ceilings.
It's a form of gypsum, a common and abundant natural substance (making it an eco-friendly choice).
The gypsum is combined with other components to create a slurry that is sandwiched between two layers of paper and dried.
The paper type and thickness and the chemicals in the slurry determine the different types of drywall.
When you look at your walls and ceiling, you're staring at drywall covering hardwood studs. Of course, the walls and ceilings have been polished, textured, and painted or wallpapered, but they are drywall.
Furthermore, drywall provides fire resistance and soundproofing for walls and ceilings inside residential and commercial structures.
It's fastened to the framing structure and then taped to disguise the gaps between the drywall panels. Finally, mud is applied to smooth the transition and patch the screw holes.
After the mud has dried, the wall is sanded to a fine finish and textured or painted, depending on the desired look.
In addition, the difference between all the types of drywall is the color of the paper surrounding it.
Different kinds of paper and chemicals in the slurry cause variances.

1. Regular Drywall

The most popular drywall used in homes and commercial applications is regular drywall, also known as a whiteboard. Regular drywall is plain drywall that hasn't been enhanced in any way.
However, regular drywall is not inferior to other varieties; it outperforms them and does not include any extras.
In addition, regular drywall, for example, is naturally fire retardant (the water molecules in the gypsum impede the spread of flames), but it isn't increased with fire-resistant drywall.

2. Moisture-resistant Drywall

Water damage is unavoidable and an almost inevitable feature of property ownership. Moisture-resistant drywall has a specific surface coating that reduces the damage caused by moisture.
It's ideal for usage in bathrooms, kitchens, and any other humidor water-piped environment.
However, cement board, such as National Gypsum's PermaBase cement board, is recommended instead of moisture-resistant drywall in high-water areas like tubs and showers.
Greenboard is another name for this type of drywall, which you can also call indoor tile backer board or cement board.
When looking for moisture-resistant drywall, you may also come across the term blue board because it is a different product type, which is worth mentioning.

3. Mould-resistant Drywall

The mold-resistant drywall is wax-coated for additional moisture protection and thicker paper backing than regular drywalls.
It also includes a non-organic fiberglass mesh that keeps mold at bay by removing the food source (paperless drywall).
Mold-resistant drywall is commonly seen in bathrooms, kitchens, laundry rooms, and tile supports. Mold-resistant mud is also available, and it's crucial to distinguish between mold-resistant and moisture-resistant drywall.

4. Fire-resistant Drywall

In locations such as garages, bedrooms, apartment buildings, other multi-family housing units, and many commercial buildings, fire-resistant (Type X, fireboard, or X board) is required by building codes.
Type X drywall outperforms other types of drywall in terms of fire resistance. However, type C is more resistant than Type X, lasting up to four hours than one hour for Type X.
Furthermore, Non-combustible fibers are used in fire-resistant drywall, and it's also thicker than the majority of other drywall varieties.
These elements work together to limit the spread of fire, giving people more time to flee and reducing the amount of damage.

5. Soundproof Drywall

While all drywall has some soundproofing capabilities, soundproof drywall contains more wood fiber, gypsum, and polymers than standard drywall to increase the sound transmission class (STC).
Like the Richter scale, STC measures how much noise a material can stop. Soundproof drywall is used when additional soundproofing is required, such as between living quarters and shared walls.
Because it's denser than traditional drywall, it's more challenging to work with.

6. Paperless Drywall

Paperless drywall has taken the place of traditional drywall. This form of drywall is wrapped in fiberglass rather than paper, which protects the gypsum board from rot and provides even more mold and mildew resistance.
Although the board's quality is slightly higher than conventional drywall, some building professionals find it easier to cut.
Because paperless drywall includes some subtle textures, a joint compound will be needed to obtain a smooth, clean finish drywall level.

Eco-friendly Drywall

Environmentally friendly drywall alternatives have been created and are still being developed.
These products are not only ecologically sustainable in terms of materials and manufacture, but they are also high-quality drywall solutions for your home.
Furthermore, Eco Rock is one of the products available. It's made up of over 20 distinct industrial wastes repurposed.
These byproducts are combined with fillers and water to make a mold- and termite-resistant drywall.
In addition, environmentally friendly ingredients are used to create EnviroBoard compressed fiber panels.
The walls and ceilings of homes and structures are made from solid concrete-like panels made from waste fibers from agriculture, the newspaper industry, and other sources.

8. VOC-absorbing Drywall

VOC-absorbing drywall is a new product that gathers chemicals and other volatile organic compounds and keeps them contained within the drywall, rendering them safe.
These compounds can be found in many building materials and cleaning goods that we use every day. After being painted or covered with light wallcovering, drywall can last up to 75 years.

9. Purple Drywall

Purple drywall has the same benefits as conventional drywall, but it is more moisture and mold-resistant.
It's suitable for all wall and ceiling applications, and it's especially well-suited to areas where moisture and mold resistance are sought. This is the one to use if it comes into touch with water.

I still have not read past Children. I'm still currently re-reading it (god I have trouble reading through that book). But I'm still damn confident about what I'm trying to say, here. Maybe it's not authorial intent, but even if it isn't, this line of thinking keeps tying everything together way too well for me to not think about it.
Dune talks about God a whole heck of a lot. If you include appendix "god" shows up something like forty times in the first book. People talk about capital G God, the Jungian Great Mother is a goddess, Paul is called small-g god as Emperor (or at least godhead), as The Preacher he "brings" and "speaks for" the Hand of God, Leto-II declares himself big-G God-Emperor.
All of this god-talk seems to get brushed past, and that's unfortunate, because I'm fairly sure that some of Dune's "railroad to disaster" storylines are governed more by "God" than by prescience itself; God is race consciousness. This goes a long way towards understanding some aspects of Dune that people find strange or weak. Let me explain.

He remained silent, thinking like the seed he was, *thinking with the race consciousness he had first experienced as terrible purpose.* He found that he no longer could hate the Bene Gesserit or the Emperor or even the Harkonnens. They were all caught up in the need of their race to renew its scattered inheritance, to cross and mingle and infuse their bloodlines in a great new pooling of genes. And the race knew only one sure way for this-- the ancient way, the tried and certain way that rolled over everything in it's path: jihad.

Whether race consciousness is just the Jungian collective unconscious or a more literal super-consciousness (I think it's more literally mystic and I'll get to that), the key thing here is that Paul was thinking with the race consciousness. It's worded like it's an instinct within him, same as it is for everybody else, like he's using that "instead of" his brain (not literally, but that's how it's worded). What does the race consciousness want? Jihad. What is literally every character in Dune doing? Railroading towards Jihad, whether they know it or not. The "race consciousness" is doing that, not some sort of prescience-induced predestination.

Sire, Paul thought. The word had such a strange sound when directed at him. Sire had always been his father. He felt himself touched briefly by his powers of prescience, seeing himself *infected* (emphasis mine) by the wild race consciousness that was moving the human universe towards chaos. The vision left him shaken...

I think this passage is easy to misread. Paul's powers of prescience are not race consciousness. He sees, with his prescience, a future in which he is infected by race consciousness. A future in which, like everyone else, he follows it's bidding, which we already know is jihad. Also, note that this is a wild race consciousness. The use of the word wild here is conspicuous because it only shows up in this context, seemingly.
In Chapter 32, Jessica gives herself up to a "demanding memory" and speaks some stuff automatically which the Fremen interpret as a prophetic sign, confirmation that she's the woman their prophecies are about.

Her mind felt as though it had rolled over within her. She recognized the sensation with a quickening of pulse. Nothing in all the Bene Gesserit training carried such a signal of recognition. It could only be the adab, the demanding memory that comes upon you of itself. She gave herself up to it, allowing the words to flow from her... "The fire of God mount over thy heart," she said. And she thought: *Now, it goes in the proper channel.*

The fire of God now goes through the proper channel? Through her, because the memory of that specific scripture came to her unprompted?

Paul took a deep breath, trying to still the tempest within him. His mother's words had locked onto the working of the spice essence, and he had flet her voice rise and fall within him like the shadows of an open fire. Trough it all, he had sensed the edge of cynicism in her--he knew her so well!--But nothing could stop this thing that had begun with a morsel of food. *Terrible purpose!* He sensed it, the race consciousness that he could not escape...

Jessica had a "holy spirit" moment. Paul, having just ate a load of spice, was prepared to actively notice that her words, which she characterized as the Fire of God, "activated" the terrible purpose, the race consciousness within him, even though both of them were cynical about what was occurring. (I should note that Paul also discovers, moments later, the fact that his looking into the future actively messes with it, a key idea for Messiah IMO.)
Another moment where Paul considers the unstoppable race consciousness in chapter 34:

Somewhere ahead of him on this path, the fanatic hoards cut their gory path across the universe in his name. The green and black Atreides banner would become a symbol of terror. Wild legions would charge into battle screaming their war cry: "Muad'Dib!" It must not be, he thought. I cannot let it happen. But he could feel the demanding race consciousness within him, his own terrible purpose, and he knew that no small thing could defeat the juggernaut... If he died this instant, the thing would go on through his mother and his unborn sister. Nothing less than the deaths of all the troop gathered here and now... could stop the thing.

The race consciousness of humanity has concentrated all of it's efforts on creating Paul (which becomes more clear later). So Paul, and anyone sufficiently close to him, is carrying this "terrible purpose" humanity's race consciousness has prepared him for. It could be said that they're all already "infected" by it. Maybe Paul is too, but can't really see it in himself? Certainly what I think, see here.
In Chapter 40 Paul specifically considers that the "terrible purpose" of humanity's race consciousness is the most constant thing between his visions and reality, it never changes.

The differences in the ways he comprehended the universe haunted him-- accuracy matched with inaccuracy. He saw it in situ. Yet, when it was born, when it came into the pressures of reality, the now had it's own life and grew with it's own subtle differences. Terrible purpose remained. Race consciousness remained. And over all loomed the jihad, bloody and wild.

Finally, the most memorable passage in Dune in it's final chapter is all about this inevitability:

he sampled the time-winds, sensing the turmoil, the storm nexus that now focused on this moment place. Even the faint gaps were closed now. Here was reason enough (emphasis mine) for a Kwisatz Haderach or a Lisan al-Gaib or even the halting schemes of the Bene Gesserit. The race of humans had felt it's own dormancy, sensed itself grown stale and knew now only the need to experience turmoil in which the genes would mingle and the strong new mixtures survive. All humans were alive as an unconscious single organism in this moment, experiencing a kind of sexual heat that cold overcome any barrier. And Paul saw how futile were any efforts of his to change any smallest bit of this. He had thought to opposed the Jihad within himself, but the jihad would be.

Finally, Herbert directly states what the race consciousness of humanity wants. It wants it's war, because it's convinced that war increases humanity's genetic fitness. And that isn't just within other people, it's in Paul, too, and he couldn't oppose it, even within himself.
Note that even "the halting schemes of the Bene Gesserit" are listed as a puppet of race consciousness _alongside_ the Kwisatz Haderach rather than them being it's true source. That idea is brought to fruition in Appendix III: Report on Bene Gesserit motives and purposes. In that appendix, it's rightly asserted that the BG's actions (or lack of action) regarding the Arrakis Affair were _shockingly_ incompetent. The author of that appendix concludes this way:

In the face of these facts, one is led to the inescapable conclusion that the inefficient Bene Gesserit behavior in this affair was a product of an even higher plan of which they were completely unaware!

Higher plans? Plans from on high? Like... God's plan? Like the Fire of God briefly channeled through Jessica. It has already been stated several times that the Bene Gesserit are puppets of race consciousness. In Dune, race consciousness is God.

"The Fremen will have the word of Muad'Dib," Paul said. "There will be flowing water here open to the sky and green oases rich with good things. But we have the spice to think of, too. There will always be desert on Arrakis... and fierce winds, and trials to toughen a man. We Fremen have a saying: 'God created Arrakis to train the faithful.' One cannot go against the word of God."

Paul is thoroughly convinced that race consciousness has locked the jihad in place. It can't be stopped. And now he says that the Fremen will be trained for war on Arrakis, like the Sardaukar, because "one cannot go against the word of God". Once again, race consciousness is God.
You know how people sometimes question why the heck the Fremen went through with the Jihad? Like, what actually possessed them to do that? What in their religion or what rationale suggested to them that they should go wipe out dozens of planets? It seems absurd for the same reason the BG's actions seem absurd when they're considered closely. They're acting on animal instinct, and animal instinct had a plan.
Dune: Messiah has slightly less to say about God, but it's still got something to say. It seems conspicuous to me that capital G God is brought up less now that Paul's terrible purpose has been carried out. It's got less to influence, now.

"There exists no separation between gods and men; one blends softly casual into the other. --*PROVERBS OF MUAD'DIB

Paul's words. Men bleed into gods and vice-versa... because it's just a matter of how much sway they have in humanity's race-consciousness.

"I'm a figurehead. When godhead's given, that's the one thing the so-called god no longer controls." A bitter laugh shook through him.

Within Fremen religion Paul's seen as the "godhead". Godhead is an idea common to spiritual systems where everything is on some level divine-- the godhead is the point from which all else emanates, or _is concentrated._ Race consciousness was concentrated in Paul as the Kwisatz Haderach.

I never wanted to be a god, he thought. I wanted only to disappear like a jewel of trace dew caught by the morning. I wanted to escape the angls and the damned--alone...as though by an oversight.

Paul does see himself as a sort of god. It's a role that has been thrust upon him, and it's noted that there are less gods than there used to be. But he is not capital G God.
You know who _IS_ capital G God? Motherfucking God-Emperor Leto II Atreides. I am aware that he is literally referred to as God, and that his Golden Path, his method of avoiding Krazilec, involves effectively shepherding humanity's overall thought-process and instincts. A good chunk of Children of Dune is about Leto learning to control his own ego-memories, and he finds Harum.

Leto's awareness floated free, no objective psyche to compensate for consciousness, no barriers. Namri's "provisional future" remained lightly in his memory, but it shared awareness with many futures. And in this shattering awareness, all of his past, every inner life became his own. With the help of the greatest within him, he dominated. They were his. He thought: When you study an object from a distance, only it's principle may be seen. He had achieved the distance necessary and he could see his own life now: the multi-past and its memories were his burden, his joy, and his necessity. But the worm trip had added another dimension and his father no longer stood guard within him because the need no longer existed. Leto saw through the distances clearly-- past and present. And the past presented him with an ultimate ancestor-- one who was called Harum and without whom the distant future would not be. These clear distances provided new principles, new dimensions of sharing. Whichever life he now chose, he'd live it out in an autonomous sphere of mass experience, a trail of lives so convoluted that no single lifetime could count the generations of it. Aroused, this mass experience held the power to subdue his selfdom. It could make itself felt upon an individual, a nation, a society or an entire civilization.

Leto lives his life as an "autonomous sphere of mass experience" which could dominate not only his personal selfdom, but a "nation, society or an entire civilization". Paul certainly couldn't do that, he knew he couldn't do it because race consciousness ruled. Considering where Leto II's newfound enlightenment(?) leads, it seems safe to say that he became something no human had ever been before. It's like he's wrangled so much of humanity's past in his head and actually mastered it that he's the majority stakeholder of race consciousness, he holds the reigns now. And so he calls himself God.
It's sometimes asked why Herbert wrote God-Emperor, because it seems to contradict Herbert's own earlier warnings about Paul. I suspect that this is the distinction. Paul was human and ultimately subject to human flaws and instincts, in fact he was created by human flaws and instincts, which is a pretty good description of most dictators, other people prop them up. Leto, though, isn't burdened by these things. He is no longer controlled by race-consciousness, so he can be a true philosopher-king. Herbert can therefore explore how he thinks a "perfect human" who has mastered their instincts might rule.
...Oh also, as far as race-consciousness only being a Jungian collective unconscious, all I have to ask is if that's the case, why are people in these books inserting themselves into the consciousness of other people? Particularly Paul's assertion that if the Reverend Mother "looks in that place she dare not look", she'll see him. That's not _just_ genetic memories. And in the same scene, Alia effectively uses this to communicate with the Reverend Mother, who is convinced that Alia really, really shouldn't be there, like it's an unnatural aberration. Explicitly stated to not be "TP" (telepathy), exactly.

Dominican Republic was an interesting experience, while I loved practicing my Spanish, I won't be back. Nothing bad happened, just nothing was exceptional about the place, one visit was enough, I have high hopes for it being a better travel destination in future. The downside was really just the food and service, which was quite abysmal.
I've broken it up into separate posts for each area I was in, (4 spots in 3 weeks), but the main takeaways are:

• DO NOT DRIVE - DR has the highest vehicular fatalities in the world, get private transport between the towns you visit.
• While the main tourist areas are safe to visit and wander around day and night, do not venture out to other areas, our local drivers told us it is very dangerous elsewhere.
• Food is quite awful to average, we could count on one hand how many good meals we had. Although, my partner and I don't eat meat (but do eat seafood), you'll have a somewhat slightly improved experience if you eat meat and have more options.
• Average restaurants will cost between $25-35 CAD per person for an average meal that isn't special or cooked well. Very local places are cheap though ($15-20 CAD), but there aren't many of those in the areas with good wifi for remote working.
• Outside of the resorts, you will need a good basic understanding of Spanish, not just basic tourist phrases, my partner and I had a Spanish teacher for 3 months once a week and we still struggled a little.
• Wifi varies in the DR, we were lucky enough to find places that advertised over 50mbps download speed to work, but in reality it fluctuated daily dropping below 40mbps sometimes and upload speed was even worse for video calls. Their routers also only worked well in the room they were in, and not well in the bedroom/office. We got by but it was a little inconvenient.

April 22-26: Uvero Alto - Ocean El Faro & El Beso https://www.oceanhotels.net/en/punta-cana-hotels/ocean-el-faro
I was lucky enough to stay here for a coworking summit with my company. We got a great corporate deal and splurged on a “Swim-Up Junior Suite” which was still only US$150 per person all inclusive. While a stunning resort, I am very glad we didn’t pay anymore than we did, as the quality and value was lacking. I was there with my partner for 6 nights, 7 days and that was too long. I’d say 3-4 days is plenty to experience it all. However, I am not a resort person and this was my first resort experience, I would be happy to not experience another resort, unless it was heavily subsidized and a stunning location. Quick review of all the amenities:

• El Mercado - as people have mentioned in many reviews, one of the better restaurants to eat at.
• Italian restaurant - didn’t get to try, again, as mentioned, almost impossible to get a reservation if you’re not privilege. From what I heard the portions were very small but food was decent.
• Margarita - awful - AVOID, tequila tastes like watered down nail polish, people also saw mouse inside
• Sakura - terrible portrayal of Teppenyaki
• Route 66 - great for late night snacks
• Steak House - actually had great salmon here, probably the best restaurant I ate at, even though I don’t eat meat. Others said the steak was ok.
• Blue Moon - awfully slow service, but salmon isn’t bad here either
• Pez Dama - BEAUTIFUL spot for breakfast on a sunny day, only for El Beso and privilege guests. However, the variety is lacking and food was better at the buffet
• Villa Marina - closed while I was there
• Privilege Restaurant - didn’t get to try
• Snack Bar - not great, or veg friendly
• Snack Bar El Beso - crepes offered here were surprisingly decent
• Pool Bars - so fun, just don’t get any cocktails unless you like a cup of sugar with it. The pool bar by the lazy river is the most rowdy, surprisingly.
• Lobby Bar - great meet up spot for groups, especially as the lobby is beautiful
• Piano Bar - quite nice inside, cocktails are sickly sweet though
• Sports Bar - pool was fun, would be better if they had two
• Bowling Bar - incredibly hot and I almost got heat stroke, bowling was fun though
• Bar Disco - didn’t get to try
• Bar Privilege - didn’t get to try
• Beach Club El Faro - as mentioned by others in reviews, the pool bars are more fun
• Beach Club El Beso - it was nice to have a fun and quiet section
• Mike’s Coffee - as mentioned by others in reviews, the busiest place in the resort!
• Ice-cream shop - limited options but still nice to stop by after dinner - but don’t get the strawberry!

April 26-May 3: Santo Domingo - Airbnb: https://www.airbnb.ca/rooms/1005877835635365302?source_impression_id=p3_1716938967_qCcY6F7gw1ARPg4Q Private transport from hotel to Airbnb: https://www.bookaway.com/ It was a little disorientating leaving the resort which seemed like some fairyland to Santo Domingo which was REAL Dominican Republic. We booked a private shuttle which was nice, they came 20 mins late but we weren’t in a rush and our local driver was very kind, social and gave us some tips about the capital city and country. He also advised to not leave the capital city as the surrounding neighbourhoods had a lot of crime and you would likely get stabbed and robbed :/ We arrived at our Airbnb in about 3.5 hours (with a brief pitstop). Our airbnb was bare bones, while nice, we wouldn’t recommend it for remote workers as it was hard to cook food there, however, if you’re out exploring all day, this place would suffice. The pool was nice but the gym was unusable as the air conditioner was broken so you had to work out in 35 degrees celsius plus. It was nice to be close to the grocery store though nearby and restaurants within walking distance. While the streets seemed a bit sketchy, it was very safe. We did take Ubers as well which were so cheap, DRP300-500 for 5-10 min rides. We preferred our area over Zona Colonial as there was more to do, but it would’ve been nice to split our time between the two areas. All in all, we’re glad we got to see the real Dominican Republic but were happy to be back close to the beach afterwards. Reviews of excursions and restaurants below. Dominican Culture Around the Fogón: https://www.airbnb.com/slink/V5iWBddV Incredible experience, loved making coffee and chocolate from scratch, learning the ways of the Taínos and the yucca pizza was surprisingly super tasty! Underground swimming hole was also really cool and Jasmine was such a fun host! Even though we half spoke each other’s languages, I had so much fun talking with her and highly recommend this tour! Hiking Tabernacle thundering Waterfall: https://www.airbnb.com/slink/mqMnhLjY Ronnie is the man!! One of the most professional and patient hosts I’ve ever met. He easily navigated the varying levels of skill our group had, made it easy for us to all connect and get to know one another. The chat during the 2 hour ride was seamless and Ronnie even stopped to let us try Arepa! Breakfast family style beforehand was also super tasty with eggs, fried cheese, mashed potato and mangu. The tour itself was so much fun and definitely action packed! I recommend this tour for those who are medium to highly fit, it’s more of a struggle for those who aren’t active. I’m scared of heights and had a couple of sketchy moments but it was so rewarding to finish the hike at the end. Water is also quite cold! It’s manageable but there were many moments where I was trying to find sun spots to warm up. Lunch at the end was also great and I appreciate Ronnie accommodating us last minute (we forgot to mention we didn’t eat meat) and he organised some eggplant to go with the rice, salad, tostones and beans. On the way back, Ronnie also got us some Dominican treats to try, Yanniqueque, Dulce de maní and a coconut - all part of the tour! The best part though was he stoped at a mango stand where we bought 8 mangoes for $2.35CAD! The best mangoes I’ve ever eaten. Thank you Ronnie for an unforgettable experience! Restaurants we went to in order:

• El Ramero Solitario - Ramen Bar - decent veggie ramen that was great for our hangover that we had
• Ajuala - (EN friendly) One of the BEST meals I’ve ever had! I don’t know if it was because we had a week of terrible food but I thought I was in heaven eating here. Love how they had turned Dominican cuisine into fine dining. They also had a mother cat and her kitten living on site and you could see them when you went to the bathroom which was cute.
• Chingu Kitchen - ok Korean food, with ok pricing. Ordered veggie Japchae and Bibimbap.
• Food Truck Village - it was intense coming to the food truck places, as we didn’t realize how they ran. When you sit down, all the vendors will bring you a menu which felt overwhelming. We got a margarita pizza (DRP400) from the pizza place and salpicon (DRP500) from the ceviche place, as they were recommended by the bar owner we befriended. We ended up drinking all night with the bar owner who gave us a few free drinks, it was really nice of him and one of our funner nights. Highly recommend checking out the bar especially here for good drinks and banter!
• Likha Food Park - we ate at Taínos sea food Naco which was not the best, our fish was undercooked and heavily salted. My 1lb of tilapia and tostones was DRP750 and my partners 1.5lb of snapper with tostones was DRP1350.
• Villar Hermanos - recommended by one of our guides, was quite tasty and decent pricing since you get large portions. I enjoyed the camarofongo which was doused in garlic butter - super heavy dish though and very dense. Also ordered filette de mero criolla style with rice and extra sautéed vegetables on the side - which was way too much for two people.
• Jalao - (EN friendly) Don’t come any earlier than 9pm! We got there at 8pm and the music didn’t start until around 9:30pm. The band was good but the music was a but monotonous. The food was ok but we did see cockroaches in the restaurant which was off putting. The fun really starts after the band ends though and everyone is up dancing. My favourite part of this experience was an older man who was hired to dance and get other people to dance who he was absolutely hilarious.

May 3-5: Bayahíbe - Booking.com Villa Iguana
Bayahíbe was SUCH a cute town, I wished we could’ve stayed here for a couple more days to enjoy the water which was so beautiful and clear. The infrastructure is limited for remote workers though, average 20mbps download speeds, hence why we only came for the weekend. As it is a small town, 3-4 days would suffice, you can walk around the whole town centre in 45-60mins probably. But you could also head over down south towards where the hotels are to experience some other restaurants and beaches. Highly recommend visiting Cueva de Chicho while here, very cool experience swimming in a cenote cave with bats - bring a waterproof head lamp if you can! This is the only swimmable cave in the area and it cost DRP200 pp to enter and walk 20 mins to the cave from the entrance. I’m not sure if this was normal either but there was a large market on Friday night in the town centre with a DJ which had a fun local feel. We had an unfortunate event when we were leaving Bayahíbe to Bávaro via Uber - we recommend you DO NOT DO. Use Bookaway and pre-book a shuttle. We actually had a shuttle booked originally but they accidentally cancelled it for no reason when we were in Santo Domingo and because Ubers were cheaper and we got one from Santo Domingo to Bayahíbe no problem, we thought it’d be fine. We ended up spending an hour trying to get a driver to take us, but they all kept calling to ask for double the price that was on Uber, where it advertised DRP2500 and the drivers wanted us to pay DRP4000 cash. So we kept cancelling and being bumped between the limited drivers available. Eventually one driver refused to cancel so we couldn’t find another driver, essentially forcing us to use him. It was a very uncomfortable experience, we felt scammed as all the drivers kept saying the same price but shame on Uber if they truly do underpay their drivers there - which is the reason the drivers gave. However, we paid DRP5000 to go from Santo Domingo to Bayahíbe which is double the distance, so I don’t know what was fair or not, perhaps we cheated that driver. Reviews of excursions and restaurants below. Vip Cruise on SpeedBoat to paradise Mano Juan, Saona Island: https://www.airbnb.com/slink/QdC06cdN All in all this was still a good trip but it was a little unorganized and we didn’t see/do everything on the itinerary. We also didn’t leave the port until around 10:15/10:30am, there was only one bottle of water per person all day provided (luckily I brought my own water), we didn’t get a coconut either with lunch nor visit the shipwreck for snorkelling. I wish we spent more time during the morning activities, and less time at the old fishing village. It started off well but got boring towards the end. I don’t know if I’d recommend this tour at the current cost, there are similar tours for half the price, so feel a little cheated seeing as we didn’t get/do everything we were supposed to. Isidro was nice though, and seeing the baby sea turtles was definitely a highlight, water was also stunning.

• Playa BarcoBar - good lunch spot, food was ok but view was great and service was nice and quick. Drinks weren’t bad either!
• Restaurante Comedor Johana - little spot tucked away and ran by a sweet older lady. Service is quite slow but food was very authentic.
• La Bahia Beach - The atmosphere is the only thing going for this place. You’re better off getting empanadas from a local stand and heading to the beach for free, which is what I wish I did. The service was incredibly slow, and food awful.

May 5-11: Bàvaro - Airbnb: https://www.airbnb.ca/rooms/32934066source_impression_id=p3_1716939104_OS2Nv%2F5S2CgNAY1s I have mixed feelings about this place, it felt very touristy but had such great potential. The beach was unfortunately covered in sargassum and was not pleasant to swim, if you head north you might be able to find a spot to swim though. Thankfully we had a pool and since it was the shoulder season, basically had it all to ourselves. Restaurants were more expensive than I thought for the quality, I wish I ventured into the local area, Friusa, driving past it looked like it would have tasty cheap eats! We didn’t do much here since it was our last 6 days and we were only here during the week, but we did get an Uber to Playa Macao which didn’t have as much sargassum and was really nice to swim in. Barely any amenities there though so pack some food and drinks with you as the restaurants that are open are quite expensive for the quality. Reviews of restaurants below.

• Villa Blanca Beach Club - terrible service but surprisingly good fish burger and salads
• Bella Napoli Pizzeria & Restaurant - really good woodfired oven pizza - vegan options were great!
• La casita de Yeya Los Corales - food was good but very small portions so quite expensive for what it was
• Chic at Grand Palladium Bávaro - such a fun experience, the energy is incredible, the performances were 5/5 and food and drinks were great - highly recommend for a special event. If you’re not staying there it’s a bit of a pain to book though
• Dalia's Cafe & Bakery - terrible - don’t go
• Soles Beach Club - decent food and lovely staff but very slow service
• Restaurante Capitán Cook - low quality food, they served us grilled mussels that weren’t open and they lure you in with the decent prices for whole fish but you can’t order 1 or 2 lbs you have to order 6lbs.
• COFFEE & RUM - great spot for sugar cane juices and cheap coffee and snacks! Location on google maps is wrong though, it’s actually here in this plaza: https://maps.app.goo.gl/Xb5pLGmqNBgdCDHW8?g_st=ic

TLDR: Ocean El Faro/El Beso is a beautiful resort, but has terrible food. Hike Tabernacle with Ronnie and eat at Ajuala in Santo Domingo; Book private transport in and out of Bayahibe; Don’t make Bávaro a priority to visit, can be easily missed - it’ll be better later on
Hope this is helpful for some people, let me know if you have any qs!

[Note: We’re focusing on emotional reasons; not physical. And this is just one perspective. Please consult your doctor for healing, withdrawals, etc.]
TL;DR: Addictions are coping mechanisms for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. You're craving intimacy and connection. And, you’re addicted because you judge yourself (and others).
Replace “addiction” with “momentum.” You hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy and motivation).

Addictions are used to regulate your emotions. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck. So you’re learning how to shift from negative addictions (e.g. social media, junk food, vaping, etc.) to positive addictions (e.g. meditate, exercise, dancing, drawing, etc.).
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Before we begin, this is important: I’m not here trying to fix you. Because I don’t think you’re broken. I believe in you. You are strong, worthy and powerful enough to transform this. You may not know how to yet, but we’ll work together in understanding what’s at the heart of the issue, to support you in allowing the life you want and deserve.
Secondary Addictions: Phone, social media, food, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, video games, relationships, attention, validation, anger, sex, porn, weed, smoking, gambling, shopping, hoarding, workaholic, perfectionist, procrastinating, etc. All of these are secondary; compensating for an even greater addiction.
Primary Addiction: You’re addicted to judging yourself (and others). Not accepting and appreciating yourself and others is the cause of secondary addictions.
Addictions are coping mechanism for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. Mistreating substances is a reflection of how you treat yourself. And the irony is, part of the source for addiction is… judging yourself for doing it.
Addiction: Consistently using a substance or experience to regulate your emotions (this can be positive or negative).
And to add another layer: Replace “addiction” with “momentum” (or movement or energy flow). There’s momentum towards what you want or don’t want, and we’re discussing shifting momentum from unwanted to wanted; negative addictions to positive. Your natural state is to feel better. But if you don’t know how to do that, then you’ll rely on circumstances and people as fuel for feeling movement. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck.
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The Cycle of Addictions

• Unwanted/ Negative Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more external/ conditional relief; relying on circumstances and people to feel better → Until you start judging again.
• Wanted/ Positive Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more internal/ unconditional relief; relying on your ability to focus to feel better → Accepting and appreciating reduces your desire for judging and negative addictions.

Negative addictions are used to avoid negative emotions. Whereas positive addictions are used to heal and embrace negative emotions.
Negative emotions are positive guidance (although it might not feel that way) letting you know you are focusing on (and judging) what you don't want. Negative emotions are just messengers of the limiting beliefs you're practicing. They're a necessary part of your emotional guidance, like GPS in your car. But the more you avoid or fight them, you keep yourself stuck.
All emotions are equal and worthy. But most people unknowingly create a hierarchy for their emotions (i.e. positive = good; negative = bad). Begin seeing negative emotions as worthy, valuable and supportive friends, and work together as a team to help you feel better.
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The Purpose of Addictions

Because you’re the CEO of you, you hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy, motivation and enhances a good time).

Addictions either make you feel more powerful, or distract you from feeling powerless. Negative addictions give you a false sense of security, which ironically enhances your insecurity. And that keeps you stuck in a cycle of abuse with negative addictions.
Addictions can soften your focus, so you’re distracted and more general with your thoughts (i.e. tune out). And when you focus less on details, then you’re less aware of what you specifically don’t want or have, so you judge less. And with less judgement, you slow down negative momentum, and naturally feel better.
Negative addictions can help you tune out, but they also won’t let you tune in to who you really are. So if you use substances to numb yourself, then you lose your ability to focus. But it’s your power of focusing that will set you free.
Negative addictions are trying to fill a void, with things that aren’t designed to fill it. It’s like trying to fill a cup with a hole in the bottom; so no matter how much you put in, it's still empty. And you use secondary addictions to distract yourself so you don’t feel the emptiness. But the only way to fix the hole is to be reminded of how powerful, worthy and whole you really are. And it’s not a fact that you’re unworthy; it’s just something you’ve been taught by other people, who feel unworthy.
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Because negative addictions are coping mechanisms, then if you think it’s the cause, then not using it will be the cure. But that doesn’t work as a long-term solution because it doesn’t address the actual issue: judging. So when you stop one unwanted behavior, you’ll probably start something else; i.e. transfer addiction. Or, you can call it transfer relief.
As long as you believe negative addictions help you feel normal, then you're not incentivized to let go because it’s not in your best interest. But when you feel better first, before going to the substance or experience, then you gradually remove its purpose, and thus your desire for it.

• Instead of saying, "I'm addicted," (which is valid). It's more accurate to say, “I’m seeking relief in the best way I know how.”

Negative addictions are just tools, and you used that tool to help you through a difficult time when you didn't know what else to do. You did the best you could, and now you’re ready for a change.

• “Thank you, negative addiction. I appreciate that you supported me. But, I’m taking the company in a new direction, and I will no longer be needing your services.”

Negative addictions have imposter syndrome; and rightfully so — they’re unqualified for the job of giving you sustainable relief. So when you start hiring positive addictions, then you release the control negative addictions once had over the company (i.e. you).
And it doesn’t mean you still don’t enjoy technology, food, etc. You can let them be for fun (based on your personal boundaries), but you are in control. They’re expressions of a fulfilling life; not replacements for it.
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Positive Addictions — What You’re Really Craving

Addictions indicate you're craving intimacy and connection. With others is nice, but you’re craving connection with yourself. And to stop an unwanted addiction, you want a new healthy habit to take its place. Because without it, there’s a power vacuum. So, what are your new healthier coping mechanisms to connect with yourself? For ex:

• "When I feel sad, I meditate for 2 - 15 minutes."
• "When I feel powerless, I exercise, go for a walk, ride a bike, or connect with nature.”
• "When I feel unloved and rejected, I connect with my body, by putting my hand on my heart, focus on deep breathing and being there for myself."
• "When I feel bored, I practice creative outlets to express myself (e.g. dancing, singing, drawing, gardening, crocheting, cooking, etc.).”

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Tips to Start Healing

1. Be Aware. Be Mindful. Be Intentional. When using an unwanted addiction, tell yourself,

• “I am consciously using this for relief. I’m not going to judge myself, because I understand why I’m doing it. I feel lonely, bored, sad, stressed, etc. And so, I am intentionally doing this activity to feel better.”

The simple act of bringing awareness to an unwanted habit shines light into the darkness, and you start regaining your power. You’re still doing the unwanted activity, but you’re tuning in, instead of tuning out.
2. Make a Deal with Yourself. When you get tempted to do an unwanted addiction, focus on feeling better first (e.g. meditate or go for a walk for a few minutes). Then, you can still do the unwanted addiction after you feel better. (This isn’t advocating unwanted behavior, but it is being realistic in helping you wean yourself off, and begin the job transfer process from negative to positive addictions.) So it accomplishes three things:

1. You’re not depriving yourself; you’re just slightly delaying gratification, which builds up your strength of not automatically going to the same unwanted habit.
2. You’re replacing the old addiction with a better-feeling one (and notice that you’ll consume less and/ or gradually have less desire to use the substance).
3. You create self-trust and respect by making a practical deal with yourself, and showing that you’re stronger than you think and can follow through; which also gives you hope that you can do this.

3. Reduce Consumption: Adjust Time and/ or Intensity. (E.g. If you’re smoking five days a week; do only four days, or use one less a day than normal).
4. Focus on what you want to start doing, instead of what you want to stop doing. What do you want to feel?

• “I want to start feeling relief. I want to feel supported. I want to start feeling more loved and accepted for who I am. I want to feel more comfortable and ease. I want to feel more at peace myself. I want to start feeling how strong and capable my body is. I want to feel proud of myself. I want to feel clarity. I want to start looking for more activities that are fun and bring out my creativity.”

5. Your Phone Has Grayscale, which makes it black and white, thus reducing the stimulus and dopamine you receive from it. You can also turn on app limit timers and turn off notifications.
6. Find an Accountability Buddy (if you can). They don’t have to stop their unwanted addictions, but they're willing to celebrate when you succeed and support you if you fall short. Also consider talking to your smoking or drinking buddies about your new commitment to your health.
7. If You Relapse, It’s Okay. Don’t judge yourself (i.e. "Why am I so weak, stupid, etc.?”). Self-judgment is self-sabotage, because it ironically fuels the very behavior you want to stop. You didn’t lose progress, because recovery isn’t a perfect straight line. It’s a process. And regardless, you’re now one step closer to your goal (with more clarity of what you don’t want, and increased desire for what you do want).
8. Self-Reflection Questions:

• "What am I afraid would happen if I stopped doing an unwanted addiction?"
• "What are the advantages of the substance or activity? How does it support me?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I accepted myself just the way I am?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I only focused on what I appreciated about myself?"

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Honorable Mention Addictions

1. Acceptance, Caring What People Think, and Needing to Be Understood
Wanting acceptance is fine. But needing it, is not knowing your value. So you’re desperate to find ways to get people to love and understand you (i.e. people pleaser, perfectionist, workaholic, clingy, gym selfies, etc.). This also inspires arguing, needing to be right and anger addictions, because you need to feel heard and validated (instead of understanding that some people can’t or aren’t interested in understanding).
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2. Avoiding Boredom — Social Media Consumption
Consuming vs Creating. Negative addictions can have an imbalance leaning towards consuming people’s creations, vs expressing your own. When was the last time you laid in bed at night, or waited in line at the store, and didn’t pull out your phone to distract you? Instead of simply appreciating the moment and your surroundings.
“Something distracting me is better than nothing.” But then you don’t have standards of quality; you simply have an insatiable appetite of consuming more. And if you’re not intentionally consuming media; it will consume you. It’s passive consumption; each post is a potato chip. When you don’t have a specific intention before opening an app, then you’ll most likely spend your next hour on empty emotional calories and walk away feeling worse. Excessive consuming leads to fuming and glooming.
Negative addictions can start out innocently. But like a frog in a boiling pot… you don’t notice that you increasingly rely on them for self-medicating negative emotions until you feel it’s consumed you.
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3. Anger and Drama
When you feel bored, there’s no momentum in that. You feel lifeless; like a plank of wood floating on still water. And you would rather feel fun and excitement (i.e. positive momentum). But, if you don’t know how to generate those feelings, then you’ll settle for the next easiest emotion that has momentum, which is anger. (But anger is negative momentum; when not intentionally controlled.)
Drama feels interesting compared to boredom, until it gradually wears on you (and your relationships). So you try to give that anger addiction up. But if you don’t know how to create positive momentum, then when you get bored, you’ll reach for anger again to get your fix to feel that energy flow.
As you judge yourself, you will feel sad, and then naturally inspired to feel angry, because anger has more momentum and energy than sadness; thus it feels more empowering. But if you don’t intentionally choose anger for relief (in a safe space, by yourself; don’t express it to others), then as you continue judging people and circumstances, you will eventually feel sad again, and feel stuck in a cycle of sad → angry → sad → angry.
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4. Victim Mentality, Dismissive and Needing to Be Right
If you haven’t healed your inner child and trauma, you can get addicted to always feeling like a victim. You would rather be right, than happy. So you can believe you’re always right, and everyone else is wrong. You can get addicted to being dismissive of people’s perspectives (as a reflection of how you felt you were treated growing up). One advantage of continuing to feel like a victim is, you don’t have to change; everyone else has to change, because they’re the problem (i.e. you believe your negative emotions come from them). Your trauma isn’t your fault. And, healing is possible, when you feel comfortable and open to the opportunity.
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5. Procrastinating, Isolation and Abandonment
Isolation amplified after the year 2020 (gee, I wonder why…). The main appeal is having no expectations, pressure to perform, or be responsible to others. The issue is, people are simply a mirror that reflects the relationship you have with yourself. So avoiding people doesn’t get rid of your limiting beliefs; you just become less aware of them.
Also, it can be easy to get stuck in the cycle of, "I hate myself, so I don't socialize. Which makes me feel lonely. So I hate myself even more..."
Procrastinating and abandonment can cause other addictions. For ex: You’re doomscrolling until 2 am because you’re avoiding the routine to go to bed, and/ or trying to run away from feeling bored, lonely and worthless.
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6. Productivity, Maximizing and Efficiency
People thought the creation of computers would help people work less because it would do a lot of the work. Only to fast forward and realize it just raised society’s standards of the work they expected from you, causing you to ironically work more; not less. And with the emergence of A.I., hopefully we don’t repeat the same mistake.
People naturally want what’s best for them. But, if you were raised to constantly need to improve and do more, then any activity you do, can be turned into two to three activities. Maximizing your time doing one activity, while learning another (e.g. second screen viewing — which can be beneficial, but detrimental when you feel you have to do it and/or avoiding boredom). With the abundance and ease of access to learning, addiction to productivity causes you to demonize downtime: “Why just go for a walk? Why just lay in bed? I should be making money or learning something useful.”
Productivity addiction can justify doing less hobbies you enjoy, because they’re not making money. This can ironically make you less productive. You’re burned out, but you feel lazy because you don’t want to work all of the time; but can’t justify fun… so you do nothing as a compromise. This reduces the quality of your life, which then fuels other negative addictions to fill the void. And, if you don’t take a break from working, then your body will do it for you.
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7. Comparing Yourself to Others and Should
When you compare yourself, you should all over yourself. “I should do this and be different,” or, “I shouldn’t have done that.” Shoulds leave you either feeling shame or resentment. If you force yourself to do what you think you should, then you sacrifice yourself, and so you feel resentment. But if you don’t do it, then you feel guilty, shame and regret. You can’t win.
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8. Limerence, One-Sided and Parasocial Relationships
You’re addicted to people who don’t care about you. You keep holding on to people whose behavior makes it clear they’re not interested in a mutually satisfying relationship (romantic or friendship). This can be celebrities, K-Pop idols, streamers, influences and/or a situationship you’ve put your life on hold for years waiting and hoping for it to become something more.
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You Didn’t Waste Your Life — There’s Still Hope

Robert Downey Jr.'s life was a disaster for years (alcohol and drug addiction, arrested, etc.) before he decided to turn it around (and iconically become Iron Man). His pain and experiences were fuel to become the actor and inspirational person that he is today. His quotes:

• “Remember that just because you hit the bottom doesn't mean you have to stay there.”
• “It’s easy to embrace hopelessness when things seem insurmountable. And yet, it’s actually just a matter of time until all of the elements come together for things to be alright. I mean, I believe that most difficult situations will resolve themselves if you are persistent and if you don’t give up entirely. And that’s what I never did; I never gave up.”

Although it may not seem like it right now, everything you have lived can be used to make you stronger, wiser, healthier and happier. Your potential has increased at least tenfold because of your “wasted” experiences. Think of it like you’re a rubber band on a slingshot; and the further back you stretched into the darkness, as you let go of limiting beliefs, you propel yourself forward that much farther into the light.
I can’t wait for you to begin seeing what you’re truly capable of in the months and years to come. When you finally stop beating up on yourself for the very past that will propel you into becoming the more compassionate, understanding, supportive, appreciative, creative, productive and fulfilled person that you want to be.
~ BFree
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Share your thoughts: What’s one step you’re going to do to let go of negative addictions and start allowing more empowering positive addictions?
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Previous Posts:
1. You Didn't Waste Your Life — You Can Always Make a Comeback
2. Healing Heartbreak — How to Move On from Breakups
3. How to Get Motivated & Disciplined — Why Forcing Yourself to “Just Do It” Ironically Doesn’t Work
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So I ( 13F) am struggeling with ana and since last year my family dtarted to notice me not eating and refusing everything . But it got worst this year becaude i would faint in class many times so my parents and school got worried and sent me to the doctor, to make a long story short i ended up with a dietitian and a doctor that i now both see every week but a month ago i finally got also mental help so me and my family saw this like mental health centre and i had to fill out this large test and i also got asked sooo many questions so they could make a good "plan" so we had to wait and yesterday was our appointment in which they would tell us the plan they made
They officially diagnosed me with severe anorexia restrictive type and I now have to follow this thing called FBT ( Family based therapy) and the plan is the so called "best solution" for kids with anorexia but for some reason i feel like im not severe enough since im not forced to go to a eating clinic and like be inpatient .
And i know this sounds messed up but i wanna be inpatient i just want to be forced because i know that if im at home i can easily hide food/throw it away . I know it makes no sense but I just wanna get better so badly and i dont think this plan will help me in any way. Sorry for this rant i just really need to get it off my chest

[Note: We’re focusing on emotional reasons; not physical. And this is just one perspective. Please consult your doctor for healing, withdrawals, etc.]
TL;DR: Addictions are coping mechanisms for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. You're craving intimacy and connection. And, you’re addicted because you judge yourself (and others).
Replace “addiction” with “momentum.” You hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy and motivation).

Addiction to productivity causes you to demonize downtime: “Why just lay in bed? I should be making money or learning something.” This can ironically make you less productive. You’re burned out, but you feel lazy because you don’t want to work all of the time; but can’t justify fun… so you do nothing as a compromise. This reduces the quality of your life, which then fuels other negative addictions to fill the void.
Addictions are used to regulate your emotions. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck. So you’re learning how to shift from negative addictions (e.g. phone, social media, vaping, etc.) to positive addictions (e.g. meditate, exercise, dancing, drawing, etc.).
_____
Before we begin, this is important: I’m not here trying to fix you. Because I don’t think you’re broken. I believe in you. You are strong, worthy and powerful enough to transform this. You may not know how to yet, but we’ll work together in understanding what’s at the heart of the issue, to support you in allowing the life you want and deserve.
Secondary Addictions: Phone, social media, food, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, video games, relationships, attention, validation, anger, sex, porn, weed, smoking, gambling, shopping, hoarding, workaholic, perfectionist, procrastinating, etc. All of these are secondary; compensating for an even greater addiction.
Primary Addiction: You’re addicted to judging yourself (and others). Not accepting and appreciating yourself and others is the cause of secondary addictions.
Addictions are coping mechanism for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. Mistreating substances is a reflection of how you treat yourself. And the irony is, part of the source for addiction is… judging yourself for doing it.
Addiction: Consistently using a substance or experience to regulate your emotions (this can be positive or negative).
And to add another layer: Replace “addiction” with “momentum” (or movement or energy flow). There’s momentum towards what you want or don’t want, and we’re discussing shifting momentum from unwanted to wanted; negative addictions to positive. Your natural state is to feel better. But if you don’t know how to do that, then you’ll rely on circumstances and people as fuel for feeling movement. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck.
.

The Cycle of Addictions

• Unwanted/ Negative Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more external/ conditional relief; relying on circumstances and people to feel better → Until you start judging again.
• Wanted/ Positive Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more internal/ unconditional relief; relying on your ability to focus to feel better → Accepting and appreciating reduces your desire for judging and negative addictions.

Negative addictions are used to avoid negative emotions. Whereas positive addictions are used to heal and embrace negative emotions.
Negative emotions are positive guidance (although it might not feel that way) letting you know you are focusing on (and judging) what you don't want. Negative emotions are just messengers of the limiting beliefs you're practicing. They're a necessary part of your emotional guidance, like GPS in your car. But the more you avoid or fight them, you keep yourself stuck.
All emotions are equal and worthy. But most people unknowingly create a hierarchy for their emotions (i.e. positive = good; negative = bad). Begin seeing negative emotions as worthy, valuable and supportive friends, and work together as a team to help you feel better.
.

The Purpose of Addictions

Because you’re the CEO of you, you hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy, motivation and enhances a good time).

Addictions either make you feel more powerful, or distract you from feeling powerless. Negative addictions give you a false sense of security, which ironically enhances your insecurity. And that keeps you stuck in a cycle of abuse with negative addictions.
Addictions can soften your focus, so you’re distracted and more general with your thoughts (i.e. tune out). And when you focus less on details, then you’re less aware of what you specifically don’t want or have, so you judge less. And with less judgement, you slow down negative momentum, and naturally feel better.
Negative addictions can help you tune out, but they also won’t let you tune in to who you really are. So if you use substances to numb yourself, then you lose your ability to focus. But it’s your power of focusing that will set you free.
Negative addictions are trying to fill a void, with things that aren’t designed to fill it. It’s like trying to fill a cup with a hole in the bottom; so no matter how much you put in, it's still empty. And you use secondary addictions to distract yourself so you don’t feel the emptiness. But the only way to fix the hole is to be reminded of how powerful, worthy and whole you really are. And it’s not a fact that you’re unworthy; it’s just something you’ve been taught by other people, who feel unworthy.
.
Because negative addictions are coping mechanisms, then if you think it’s the cause, then not using it will be the cure. But that doesn’t work as a long-term solution because it doesn’t address the actual issue: judging. So when you stop one unwanted behavior, you’ll probably start something else; i.e. transfer addiction. Or, you can call it transfer relief.
As long as you believe negative addictions help you feel normal, then you're not incentivized to let go because it’s not in your best interest. But when you feel better first, before going to the substance or experience, then you gradually remove its purpose, and thus your desire for it.

• Instead of saying, "I'm addicted," (which is valid). It's more accurate to say, “I’m seeking relief in the best way I know how.”

Negative addictions are just tools, and you used that tool to help you through a difficult time when you didn't know what else to do. You did the best you could, and now you’re ready for a change.

• “Thank you, negative addiction. I appreciate that you supported me. But, I’m taking the company in a new direction, and I will no longer be needing your services.”

Negative addictions have imposter syndrome; and rightfully so — they’re unqualified for the job of giving you sustainable relief. So when you start hiring positive addictions, then you release the control negative addictions once had over the company (i.e. you).
And it doesn’t mean you still don’t enjoy technology, food, etc. You can let them be for fun (based on your personal boundaries), but you are in control. They’re expressions of a fulfilling life; not replacements for it.
.

Positive Addictions — What You’re Really Craving

Addictions indicate you're craving intimacy and connection. With others is nice, but you’re craving connection with yourself. And to stop an unwanted addiction, you want a new healthy habit to take its place. Because without it, there’s a power vacuum. So, what are your new healthier coping mechanisms to connect with yourself? For ex:

• "When I feel sad, I meditate for 2 - 15 minutes."
• "When I feel powerless, I exercise, go for a walk, ride a bike, or connect with nature.”
• "When I feel unloved and rejected, I connect with my body, by putting my hand on my heart, focus on deep breathing and being there for myself."
• "When I feel bored, I practice creative outlets to express myself (e.g. dancing, singing, drawing, gardening, crocheting, cooking, etc.).”

.

Tips to Start Healing

1. Be Aware. Be Mindful. Be Intentional. When using an unwanted addiction, tell yourself,

• “I am consciously using this for relief. I’m not going to judge myself, because I understand why I’m doing it. I feel lonely, bored, sad, stressed, etc. And so, I am intentionally doing this activity to feel better.”

The simple act of bringing awareness to an unwanted habit shines light into the darkness, and you start regaining your power. You’re still doing the unwanted activity, but you’re tuning in, instead of tuning out.
2. Make a Deal with Yourself. When you get tempted to do an unwanted addiction, focus on feeling better first (e.g. meditate or go for a walk for a few minutes). Then, you can still do the unwanted addiction after you feel better. (This isn’t advocating unwanted behavior, but it is being realistic in helping you wean yourself off, and begin the job transfer process from negative to positive addictions.) So it accomplishes three things:

1. You’re not depriving yourself; you’re just slightly delaying gratification, which builds up your strength of not automatically going to the same unwanted habit.
2. You’re replacing the old addiction with a better-feeling one (and notice that you’ll consume less and/ or gradually have less desire to use the substance).
3. You create self-trust and respect by making a practical deal with yourself, and showing that you’re stronger than you think and can follow through; which also gives you hope that you can do this.

3. Reduce Consumption: Adjust Time and/ or Intensity. (E.g. If you’re smoking five days a week; do only four days, or use one less a day than normal).
4. Focus on what you want to start doing, instead of what you want to stop doing. What do you want to feel?

• “I want to start feeling relief. I want to feel supported. I want to start feeling more loved and accepted for who I am. I want to feel more comfortable and ease. I want to feel more at peace myself. I want to start feeling how strong and capable my body is. I want to feel proud of myself. I want to feel clarity. I want to start looking for more activities that are fun and bring out my creativity.”

5. Your Phone Has Grayscale, which makes it black and white, thus reducing the stimulus and dopamine you receive from it. You can also turn on app limit timers and turn off notifications.
6. Find an Accountability Buddy (if you can). They don’t have to stop their unwanted addictions, but they're willing to celebrate when you succeed and support you if you fall short. So consider talking to your friends about your new commitment to your health.
7. If You Relapse, It’s Okay. Don’t judge yourself (i.e. "Why am I so weak, stupid, etc.?”). Self-judgment is self-sabotage, because it ironically fuels the very behavior you want to stop. You didn’t lose progress, because recovery isn’t a perfect straight line. It’s a process. And regardless, you’re now one step closer to your goal (with more clarity of what you don’t want, and increased desire for what you do want).
8. Self-Reflection Questions:

• "What am I afraid would happen if I stopped doing an unwanted addiction?"
• "What are the advantages of the substance or activity? How does it support me?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I accepted myself just the way I am?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I only focused on what I appreciated about myself?"

.

Honorable Mention Addictions

1. Acceptance, Caring What People Think, and Needing to Be Understood
Wanting acceptance is fine. But needing it, is not knowing your value. So you’re desperate to find ways to get people to love and understand you (i.e. people pleaser, perfectionist, workaholic, clingy, gym selfies, etc.). This also inspires arguing, needing to be right and anger addictions, because you need to feel heard and validated (instead of understanding that some people can’t or aren’t interested in understanding).
.
2. Avoiding Boredom — Social Media Consumption
Consuming vs Creating. Negative addictions can have an imbalance leaning towards consuming people’s creations, vs expressing your own. When was the last time you laid in bed at night, or waited in line at the store, and didn’t pull out your phone to distract you? Instead of simply appreciating the moment and your surroundings.
“Something distracting me is better than nothing.” But then you don’t have standards of quality; you simply have an insatiable appetite of consuming more. And if you’re not intentionally consuming media; it will consume you. It’s passive consumption; each post is a potato chip. When you don’t have a specific intention before opening an app, then you’ll most likely spend your next hour on empty emotional calories and walk away feeling worse. Excessive consuming leads to fuming and glooming.
Negative addictions can start out innocently. But like a frog in a boiling pot… you don’t notice that you increasingly rely on them for self-medicating negative emotions until you feel it’s consumed you.
.
3. Anger and Drama
When you feel bored, there’s no momentum in that. You feel lifeless; like a plank of wood floating on still water. And you would rather feel fun and excitement (i.e. positive momentum). But, if you don’t know how to generate those feelings, then you’ll settle for the next easiest emotion that has momentum, which is anger. (But anger is negative momentum; when not intentionally controlled.)
Drama feels interesting compared to boredom, until it gradually wears on you (and your relationships). So you try to give that anger addiction up. But if you don’t know how to create positive momentum, then when you get bored, you’ll reach for anger again to get your fix to feel that energy flow.
As you judge yourself, you will feel sad, and then naturally inspired to feel angry, because anger has more momentum and energy than sadness; thus it feels more empowering. But if you don’t intentionally choose anger for relief (in a safe space, by yourself; don’t express it to others), then as you continue judging people and circumstances, you will eventually feel sad again, and feel stuck in a cycle of sad → angry → sad → angry.
.
4. Victim Mentality, Dismissive and Needing to Be Right
If you haven’t healed your inner child and trauma, you can get addicted to always feeling like a victim. You would rather be right, than happy. So you can believe you’re always right, and everyone else is wrong. You can get addicted to being dismissive of people’s perspectives (as a reflection of how you felt you were treated growing up). One advantage of continuing to feel like a victim is, you don’t have to change; everyone else has to change, because they’re the problem (i.e. you believe your negative emotions come from them). Your trauma isn’t your fault. And, healing is possible, when you feel comfortable and open to the opportunity.
.
5. Procrastinating, Isolation and Abandonment
Isolation amplified after the year 2020 (gee, I wonder why…). The main appeal is having no expectations, pressure to perform, or be responsible to others. The issue is, people are simply a mirror that reflects the relationship you have with yourself. So avoiding people doesn’t get rid of your limiting beliefs; you just become less aware of them.
Also, it can be easy to get stuck in the cycle of, "I hate myself, so I don't socialize. Which makes me feel lonely. So I hate myself even more..."
Procrastinating and abandonment can cause other addictions. For ex: You’re doomscrolling until 2 am because you’re avoiding the routine to go to bed, and/ or trying to run away from feeling bored, lonely and worthless.
.
6. Productivity, Maximizing and Efficiency
People thought the creation of computers would help people work less because it would do a lot of the work. Only to fast forward and realize it just raised society’s standards of the work they expected from you, causing you to ironically work more; not less. And with the emergence of A.I., hopefully we don’t repeat the same mistake.
People naturally want what’s best for them. But, if you were raised to constantly need to improve and do more, then any activity you do, can be turned into two to three activities. Maximizing your time doing one activity, while learning another (e.g. second screen viewing — which can be beneficial, but detrimental when you feel you have to do it and/or avoiding boredom). With the abundance and ease of access to learning, addiction to productivity causes you to demonize downtime: “Why just go for a walk? Why just lay in bed? I should be making money or learning something useful.”
Productivity addiction can justify doing less hobbies you enjoy, because they’re not making money. This can ironically make you less productive. You’re burned out, but you feel lazy because you don’t want to work all of the time; but can’t justify fun… so you do nothing as a compromise. This reduces the quality of your life, which then fuels other negative addictions to fill the void. And, if you don’t take a break from working, then your body will do it for you.
.
7. Comparing Yourself to Others and Should
When you compare yourself, you should all over yourself. “I should do this and be different,” or, “I shouldn’t have done that.” Shoulds leave you either feeling shame or resentment. If you force yourself to do what you think you should, then you sacrifice yourself, and so you feel resentment. But if you don’t do it, then you feel guilty, shame and regret. You can’t win.
.
8. Limerence, One-Sided and Parasocial Relationships
You’re addicted to people who don’t care about you. You keep holding on to people whose behavior makes it clear they’re not interested in a mutually satisfying relationship (romantic or friendship). This can be celebrities, K-Pop idols, streamers, influences and/or a situationship you’ve put your life on hold for years waiting and hoping for it to become something more.
.

You Didn’t Waste Your Life — There’s Still Hope

Robert Downey Jr.'s life was a disaster for years (alcohol and drug addiction, arrested, etc.) before he decided to turn it around (and iconically become Iron Man). His pain and experiences were fuel to become the actor and inspirational person that he is today. His quotes:

• “Remember that just because you hit the bottom doesn't mean you have to stay there.”
• “It’s easy to embrace hopelessness when things seem insurmountable. And yet, it’s actually just a matter of time until all of the elements come together for things to be alright. I mean, I believe that most difficult situations will resolve themselves if you are persistent and if you don’t give up entirely. And that’s what I never did; I never gave up.”

Although it may not seem like it right now, everything you have lived can be used to make you stronger, wiser, healthier and happier. Your potential has increased at least tenfold because of your “wasted” experiences. Think of it like you’re a rubber band on a slingshot; and the further back you stretched into the darkness, as you let go of limiting beliefs, you propel yourself forward that much farther into the light.
I can’t wait for you to begin seeing what you’re truly capable of in the months and years to come. When you finally stop beating up on yourself for the very past that will propel you into becoming the more compassionate, understanding, supportive, appreciative, creative, productive and fulfilled person that you want to be.
~ BFree
.
Share your thoughts: What’s one step you’re going to do to let go of negative addictions and start allowing more empowering positive addictions?
.

[Note: We’re focusing on emotional reasons; not physical. And this is just one perspective. Please consult your doctor for healing, withdrawals, etc.]
TL;DR: Addictions are coping mechanisms for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. You're craving intimacy and connection. And, you’re addicted because you judge yourself (and others).
Replace “addiction” with “momentum.” You hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy and motivation).

Addictions are used to regulate your emotions. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck. So you’re learning how to shift from negative addictions (e.g. social media, junk food, vaping, etc.) to positive addictions (e.g. meditate, exercise, dancing, drawing, etc.).
_____
Before we begin, this is important: I’m not here trying to fix you. Because I don’t think you’re broken. I believe in you. You are strong, worthy and powerful enough to transform this. You may not know how to yet, but we’ll work together in understanding what’s at the heart of the issue, to support you in allowing the life you want and deserve.
Secondary Addictions: Phone, social media, food, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, video games, relationships, attention, validation, anger, sex, porn, weed, smoking, gambling, shopping, hoarding, workaholic, perfectionist, procrastinating, etc. All of these are secondary; compensating for an even greater addiction.
Primary Addiction: You’re addicted to judging yourself (and others). Not accepting and appreciating yourself and others is the cause of secondary addictions.
Addictions are coping mechanism for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. Mistreating substances is a reflection of how you treat yourself. And the irony is, part of the source for addiction is… judging yourself for doing it.
Addiction: Consistently using a substance or experience to regulate your emotions (this can be positive or negative).
And to add another layer: Replace “addiction” with “momentum” (or movement or energy flow). There’s momentum towards what you want or don’t want, and we’re discussing shifting momentum from unwanted to wanted; negative addictions to positive. Your natural state is to feel better. But if you don’t know how to do that, then you’ll rely on circumstances and people as fuel for feeling movement. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck.
.

The Cycle of Addictions

• Unwanted/ Negative Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more external/ conditional relief; relying on circumstances and people to feel better → Until you start judging again.
• Wanted/ Positive Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more internal/ unconditional relief; relying on your ability to focus to feel better → Accepting and appreciating reduces your desire for judging and negative addictions.

Negative addictions are used to avoid negative emotions. Whereas positive addictions are used to heal and embrace negative emotions.
Negative emotions are positive guidance (although it might not feel that way) letting you know you are focusing on (and judging) what you don't want. Negative emotions are just messengers of the limiting beliefs you're practicing. They're a necessary part of your emotional guidance, like GPS in your car. But the more you avoid or fight them, you keep yourself stuck.
All emotions are equal and worthy. But most people unknowingly create a hierarchy for their emotions (i.e. positive = good; negative = bad). Begin seeing negative emotions as worthy, valuable and supportive friends, and work together as a team to help you feel better.
.

The Purpose of Addictions

Because you’re the CEO of you, you hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy, motivation and enhances a good time).

Addictions either make you feel more powerful, or distract you from feeling powerless. Negative addictions give you a false sense of security, which ironically enhances your insecurity. And that keeps you stuck in a cycle of abuse with negative addictions.
Addictions can soften your focus, so you’re distracted and more general with your thoughts (i.e. tune out). And when you focus less on details, then you’re less aware of what you specifically don’t want or have, so you judge less. And with less judgement, you slow down negative momentum, and naturally feel better.
Negative addictions can help you tune out, but they also won’t let you tune in to who you really are. So if you use substances to numb yourself, then you lose your ability to focus. But it’s your power of focusing that will set you free.
Negative addictions are trying to fill a void, with things that aren’t designed to fill it. It’s like trying to fill a cup with a hole in the bottom; so no matter how much you put in, it's still empty. And you use secondary addictions to distract yourself so you don’t feel the emptiness. But the only way to fix the hole is to be reminded of how powerful, worthy and whole you really are. And it’s not a fact that you’re unworthy; it’s just something you’ve been taught by other people, who feel unworthy.
.
Because negative addictions are coping mechanisms, then if you think it’s the cause, then not using it will be the cure. But that doesn’t work as a long-term solution because it doesn’t address the actual issue: judging. So when you stop one unwanted behavior, you’ll probably start something else; i.e. transfer addiction. Or, you can call it transfer relief.
As long as you believe negative addictions help you feel normal, then you're not incentivized to let go because it’s not in your best interest. But when you feel better first, before going to the substance or experience, then you gradually remove its purpose, and thus your desire for it.

• Instead of saying, "I'm addicted," (which is valid). It's more accurate to say, “I’m seeking relief in the best way I know how.”

Negative addictions are just tools, and you used that tool to help you through a difficult time when you didn't know what else to do. You did the best you could, and now you’re ready for a change.

• “Thank you, negative addiction. I appreciate that you supported me. But, I’m taking the company in a new direction, and I will no longer be needing your services.”

Negative addictions have imposter syndrome; and rightfully so — they’re unqualified for the job of giving you sustainable relief. So when you start hiring positive addictions, then you release the control negative addictions once had over the company (i.e. you).
And it doesn’t mean you still don’t enjoy technology, food, etc. You can let them be for fun (based on your personal boundaries), but you are in control. They’re expressions of a fulfilling life; not replacements for it.
.

Positive Addictions — What You’re Really Craving

Addictions indicate you're craving intimacy and connection. With others is nice, but you’re craving connection with yourself. And to stop an unwanted addiction, you want a new healthy habit to take its place. Because without it, there’s a power vacuum. So, what are your new healthier coping mechanisms to connect with yourself? For ex:

• "When I feel sad, I meditate for 2 - 15 minutes."
• "When I feel powerless, I exercise, go for a walk, ride a bike, or connect with nature.”
• "When I feel unloved and rejected, I connect with my body, by putting my hand on my heart, focus on deep breathing and being there for myself."
• "When I feel bored, I practice creative outlets to express myself (e.g. dancing, singing, drawing, gardening, crocheting, cooking, etc.).”

.

Tips to Start Healing

1. Be Aware. Be Mindful. Be Intentional. When using an unwanted addiction, tell yourself,

• “I am consciously using this for relief. I’m not going to judge myself, because I understand why I’m doing it. I feel lonely, bored, sad, stressed, etc. And so, I am intentionally doing this activity to feel better.”

The simple act of bringing awareness to an unwanted habit shines light into the darkness, and you start regaining your power. You’re still doing the unwanted activity, but you’re tuning in, instead of tuning out.
2. Make a Deal with Yourself. When you get tempted to do an unwanted addiction, focus on feeling better first (e.g. meditate or go for a walk for a few minutes). Then, you can still do the unwanted addiction after you feel better. (This isn’t advocating unwanted behavior, but it is being realistic in helping you wean yourself off, and begin the job transfer process from negative to positive addictions.) So it accomplishes three things:

1. You’re not depriving yourself; you’re just slightly delaying gratification, which builds up your strength of not automatically going to the same unwanted habit.
2. You’re replacing the old addiction with a better-feeling one (and notice that you’ll consume less and/ or gradually have less desire to use the substance).
3. You create self-trust and respect by making a practical deal with yourself, and showing that you’re stronger than you think and can follow through; which also gives you hope that you can do this.

3. Reduce Consumption: Adjust Time and/ or Intensity. (E.g. If you’re smoking five days a week; do only four days, or use one less a day than normal).
4. Focus on what you want to start doing, instead of what you want to stop doing. What do you want to feel?

• “I want to start feeling relief. I want to feel supported. I want to start feeling more loved and accepted for who I am. I want to feel more comfortable and ease. I want to feel more at peace myself. I want to start feeling how strong and capable my body is. I want to feel proud of myself. I want to feel clarity. I want to start looking for more activities that are fun and bring out my creativity.”

5. Your Phone Has Grayscale, which makes it black and white, thus reducing the stimulus and dopamine you receive from it. You can also turn on app limit timers and turn off notifications.
6. Find an Accountability Buddy (if you can). They don’t have to stop their unwanted addictions, but they're willing to celebrate when you succeed and support you if you fall short. Also consider talking to your smoking or drinking buddies about your new commitment to your health.
7. If You Relapse, It’s Okay. Don’t judge yourself (i.e. "Why am I so weak, stupid, etc.?”). Self-judgment is self-sabotage, because it ironically fuels the very behavior you want to stop. You didn’t lose progress, because recovery isn’t a perfect straight line. It’s a process. And regardless, you’re now one step closer to your goal (with more clarity of what you don’t want, and increased desire for what you do want).
8. Self-Reflection Questions:

• "What am I afraid would happen if I stopped doing an unwanted addiction?"
• "What are the advantages of the substance or activity? How does it support me?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I accepted myself just the way I am?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I only focused on what I appreciated about myself?"

.

Honorable Mention Addictions

1. Acceptance, Caring What People Think, and Needing to Be Understood
Wanting acceptance is fine. But needing it, is not knowing your value. So you’re desperate to find ways to get people to love and understand you (i.e. people pleaser, perfectionist, workaholic, clingy, gym selfies, etc.). This also inspires arguing, needing to be right and anger addictions, because you need to feel heard and validated (instead of understanding that some people can’t or aren’t interested in understanding).
.
2. Avoiding Boredom — Social Media Consumption
Consuming vs Creating. Negative addictions can have an imbalance leaning towards consuming people’s creations, vs expressing your own. When was the last time you laid in bed at night, or waited in line at the store, and didn’t pull out your phone to distract you? Instead of simply appreciating the moment and your surroundings.
“Something distracting me is better than nothing.” But then you don’t have standards of quality; you simply have an insatiable appetite of consuming more. And if you’re not intentionally consuming media; it will consume you. It’s passive consumption; each post is a potato chip. When you don’t have a specific intention before opening an app, then you’ll most likely spend your next hour on empty emotional calories and walk away feeling worse. Excessive consuming leads to fuming and glooming.
Negative addictions can start out innocently. But like a frog in a boiling pot… you don’t notice that you increasingly rely on them for self-medicating negative emotions until you feel it’s consumed you.
.
3. Anger and Drama
When you feel bored, there’s no momentum in that. You feel lifeless; like a plank of wood floating on still water. And you would rather feel fun and excitement (i.e. positive momentum). But, if you don’t know how to generate those feelings, then you’ll settle for the next easiest emotion that has momentum, which is anger. (But anger is negative momentum; when not intentionally controlled.)
Drama feels interesting compared to boredom, until it gradually wears on you (and your relationships). So you try to give that anger addiction up. But if you don’t know how to create positive momentum, then when you get bored, you’ll reach for anger again to get your fix to feel that energy flow.
As you judge yourself, you will feel sad, and then naturally inspired to feel angry, because anger has more momentum and energy than sadness; thus it feels more empowering. But if you don’t intentionally choose anger for relief (in a safe space, by yourself; don’t express it to others), then as you continue judging people and circumstances, you will eventually feel sad again, and feel stuck in a cycle of sad → angry → sad → angry.
.
4. Victim Mentality, Dismissive and Needing to Be Right
If you haven’t healed your inner child and trauma, you can get addicted to always feeling like a victim. You would rather be right, than happy. So you can believe you’re always right, and everyone else is wrong. You can get addicted to being dismissive of people’s perspectives (as a reflection of how you felt you were treated growing up). One advantage of continuing to feel like a victim is, you don’t have to change; everyone else has to change, because they’re the problem (i.e. you believe your negative emotions come from them). Your trauma isn’t your fault. And, healing is possible, when you feel comfortable and open to the opportunity.
.
5. Procrastinating, Isolation and Abandonment
Isolation amplified after the year 2020 (gee, I wonder why…). The main appeal is having no expectations, pressure to perform, or be responsible to others. The issue is, people are simply a mirror that reflects the relationship you have with yourself. So avoiding people doesn’t get rid of your limiting beliefs; you just become less aware of them.
Also, it can be easy to get stuck in the cycle of, "I hate myself, so I don't socialize. Which makes me feel lonely. So I hate myself even more..."
Procrastinating and abandonment can cause other addictions. For ex: You’re doomscrolling until 2 am because you’re avoiding the routine to go to bed, and/ or trying to run away from feeling bored, lonely and worthless.
.
6. Productivity, Maximizing and Efficiency
People thought the creation of computers would help people work less because it would do a lot of the work. Only to fast forward and realize it just raised society’s standards of the work they expected from you, causing you to ironically work more; not less. And with the emergence of A.I., hopefully we don’t repeat the same mistake.
People naturally want what’s best for them. But, if you were raised to constantly need to improve and do more, then any activity you do, can be turned into two to three activities. Maximizing your time doing one activity, while learning another (e.g. second screen viewing — which can be beneficial, but detrimental when you feel you have to do it and/or avoiding boredom). With the abundance and ease of access to learning, addiction to productivity causes you to demonize downtime: “Why just go for a walk? Why just lay in bed? I should be making money or learning something useful.”
Productivity addiction can justify doing less hobbies you enjoy, because they’re not making money. This can ironically make you less productive. You’re burned out, but you feel lazy because you don’t want to work all of the time; but can’t justify fun… so you do nothing as a compromise. This reduces the quality of your life, which then fuels other negative addictions to fill the void. And, if you don’t take a break from working, then your body will do it for you.
.
7. Comparing Yourself to Others and Should
When you compare yourself, you should all over yourself. “I should do this and be different,” or, “I shouldn’t have done that.” Shoulds leave you either feeling shame or resentment. If you force yourself to do what you think you should, then you sacrifice yourself, and so you feel resentment. But if you don’t do it, then you feel guilty, shame and regret. You can’t win.
.
8. Limerence, One-Sided and Parasocial Relationships
You’re addicted to people who don’t care about you. You keep holding on to people whose behavior makes it clear they’re not interested in a mutually satisfying relationship (romantic or friendship). This can be celebrities, K-Pop idols, streamers, influences and/or a situationship you’ve put your life on hold for years waiting and hoping for it to become something more.
.

You Didn’t Waste Your Life — There’s Still Hope

Robert Downey Jr.'s life was a disaster for years (alcohol and drug addiction, arrested, etc.) before he decided to turn it around (and iconically become Iron Man). His pain and experiences were fuel to become the actor and inspirational person that he is today. His quotes:

• “Remember that just because you hit the bottom doesn't mean you have to stay there.”
• “It’s easy to embrace hopelessness when things seem insurmountable. And yet, it’s actually just a matter of time until all of the elements come together for things to be alright. I mean, I believe that most difficult situations will resolve themselves if you are persistent and if you don’t give up entirely. And that’s what I never did; I never gave up.”

Although it may not seem like it right now, everything you have lived can be used to make you stronger, wiser, healthier and happier. Your potential has increased at least tenfold because of your “wasted” experiences. Think of it like you’re a rubber band on a slingshot; and the further back you stretched into the darkness, as you let go of limiting beliefs, you propel yourself forward that much farther into the light.
I can’t wait for you to begin seeing what you’re truly capable of in the months and years to come. When you finally stop beating up on yourself for the very past that will propel you into becoming the more compassionate, understanding, supportive, appreciative, creative, productive and fulfilled person that you want to be.
~ BFree
.
Share your thoughts: What’s one step you’re going to do to let go of negative addictions and start allowing more empowering positive addictions?
.

[Note: We’re focusing on emotional reasons; not physical. And this is just one perspective. Please consult your doctor for healing, withdrawals, etc.]
TL;DR: Addictions are coping mechanisms for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. You're craving intimacy and connection. And, you’re addicted because you judge yourself (and others).
Replace “addiction” with “momentum.” You hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy and motivation).

Addictions are used to regulate your emotions. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck. So you’re learning how to shift from negative addictions (e.g. social media, junk food, vaping, etc.) to positive addictions (e.g. meditate, exercise, dancing, drawing, etc.).
_____
Before we begin, this is important: I’m not here trying to fix you. Because I don’t think you’re broken. I believe in you. You are strong, worthy and powerful enough to transform this. You may not know how to yet, but we’ll work together in understanding what’s at the heart of the issue, to support you in allowing the life you want and deserve.
Secondary Addictions: Phone, social media, food, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, video games, relationships, attention, validation, anger, sex, porn, weed, smoking, gambling, shopping, hoarding, workaholic, perfectionist, procrastinating, etc. All of these are secondary; compensating for an even greater addiction.
Primary Addiction: You’re addicted to judging yourself (and others). Not accepting and appreciating yourself and others is the cause of secondary addictions.
Addictions are coping mechanism for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. Mistreating substances is a reflection of how you treat yourself. And the irony is, part of the source for addiction is… judging yourself for doing it.
Addiction: Consistently using a substance or experience to regulate your emotions (this can be positive or negative).
And to add another layer: Replace “addiction” with “momentum” (or movement or energy flow). There’s momentum towards what you want or don’t want, and we’re discussing shifting momentum from unwanted to wanted; negative addictions to positive. Your natural state is to feel better. But if you don’t know how to do that, then you’ll rely on circumstances and people as fuel for feeling movement. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck.
.

The Cycle of Addictions

• Unwanted/ Negative Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more external/ conditional relief; relying on circumstances and people to feel better → Until you start judging again.
• Wanted/ Positive Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more internal/ unconditional relief; relying on your ability to focus to feel better → Accepting and appreciating reduces your desire for judging and negative addictions.

Negative addictions are used to avoid negative emotions. Whereas positive addictions are used to heal and embrace negative emotions.
Negative emotions are positive guidance (although it might not feel that way) letting you know you are focusing on (and judging) what you don't want. Negative emotions are just messengers of the limiting beliefs you're practicing. They're a necessary part of your emotional guidance, like GPS in your car. But the more you avoid or fight them, you keep yourself stuck.
All emotions are equal and worthy. But most people unknowingly create a hierarchy for their emotions (i.e. positive = good; negative = bad). Begin seeing negative emotions as worthy, valuable and supportive friends, and work together as a team to help you feel better.
.

The Purpose of Addictions

Because you’re the CEO of you, you hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy, motivation and enhances a good time).

Addictions either make you feel more powerful, or distract you from feeling powerless. Negative addictions give you a false sense of security, which ironically enhances your insecurity. And that keeps you stuck in a cycle of abuse with negative addictions.
Addictions can soften your focus, so you’re distracted and more general with your thoughts (i.e. tune out). And when you focus less on details, then you’re less aware of what you specifically don’t want or have, so you judge less. And with less judgement, you slow down negative momentum, and naturally feel better.
Negative addictions can help you tune out, but they also won’t let you tune in to who you really are. So if you use substances to numb yourself, then you lose your ability to focus. But it’s your power of focusing that will set you free.
Negative addictions are trying to fill a void, with things that aren’t designed to fill it. It’s like trying to fill a cup with a hole in the bottom; so no matter how much you put in, it's still empty. And you use secondary addictions to distract yourself so you don’t feel the emptiness. But the only way to fix the hole is to be reminded of how powerful, worthy and whole you really are. And it’s not a fact that you’re unworthy; it’s just something you’ve been taught by other people, who feel unworthy.
.
Because negative addictions are coping mechanisms, then if you think it’s the cause, then not using it will be the cure. But that doesn’t work as a long-term solution because it doesn’t address the actual issue: judging. So when you stop one unwanted behavior, you’ll probably start something else; i.e. transfer addiction. Or, you can call it transfer relief.
As long as you believe negative addictions help you feel normal, then you're not incentivized to let go because it’s not in your best interest. But when you feel better first, before going to the substance or experience, then you gradually remove its purpose, and thus your desire for it.

• Instead of saying, "I'm addicted," (which is valid). It's more accurate to say, “I’m seeking relief in the best way I know how.”

Negative addictions are just tools, and you used that tool to help you through a difficult time when you didn't know what else to do. You did the best you could, and now you’re ready for a change.

• “Thank you, negative addiction. I appreciate that you supported me. But, I’m taking the company in a new direction, and I will no longer be needing your services.”

Negative addictions have imposter syndrome; and rightfully so — they’re unqualified for the job of giving you sustainable relief. So when you start hiring positive addictions, then you release the control negative addictions once had over the company (i.e. you).
And it doesn’t mean you still don’t enjoy technology, food, etc. You can let them be for fun (based on your personal boundaries), but you are in control. They’re expressions of a fulfilling life; not replacements for it.
.

Positive Addictions — What You’re Really Craving

Addictions indicate you're craving intimacy and connection. With others is nice, but you’re craving connection with yourself. And to stop an unwanted addiction, you want a new healthy habit to take its place. Because without it, there’s a power vacuum. So, what are your new healthier coping mechanisms to connect with yourself? For ex:

• "When I feel sad, I meditate for 2 - 15 minutes."
• "When I feel powerless, I exercise, go for a walk, ride a bike, or connect with nature.”
• "When I feel unloved and rejected, I connect with my body, by putting my hand on my heart, focus on deep breathing and being there for myself."
• "When I feel bored, I practice creative outlets to express myself (e.g. dancing, singing, drawing, gardening, crocheting, cooking, etc.).”

.

Tips to Start Healing

1. Be Aware. Be Mindful. Be Intentional. When using an unwanted addiction, tell yourself,

• “I am consciously using this for relief. I’m not going to judge myself, because I understand why I’m doing it. I feel lonely, bored, sad, stressed, etc. And so, I am intentionally doing this activity to feel better.”

The simple act of bringing awareness to an unwanted habit shines light into the darkness, and you start regaining your power. You’re still doing the unwanted activity, but you’re tuning in, instead of tuning out.
2. Make a Deal with Yourself. When you get tempted to do an unwanted addiction, focus on feeling better first (e.g. meditate or go for a walk for a few minutes). Then, you can still do the unwanted addiction after you feel better. (This isn’t advocating unwanted behavior, but it is being realistic in helping you wean yourself off, and begin the job transfer process from negative to positive addictions.) So it accomplishes three things:

1. You’re not depriving yourself; you’re just slightly delaying gratification, which builds up your strength of not automatically going to the same unwanted habit.
2. You’re replacing the old addiction with a better-feeling one (and notice that you’ll consume less and/ or gradually have less desire to use the substance).
3. You create self-trust and respect by making a practical deal with yourself, and showing that you’re stronger than you think and can follow through; which also gives you hope that you can do this.

3. Reduce Consumption: Adjust Time and/ or Intensity. (E.g. If you’re smoking five days a week; do only four days, or use one less a day than normal).
4. Focus on what you want to start doing, instead of what you want to stop doing. What do you want to feel?

• “I want to start feeling relief. I want to feel supported. I want to start feeling more loved and accepted for who I am. I want to feel more comfortable and ease. I want to feel more at peace myself. I want to start feeling how strong and capable my body is. I want to feel proud of myself. I want to feel clarity. I want to start looking for more activities that are fun and bring out my creativity.”

5. Your Phone Has Grayscale, which makes it black and white, thus reducing the stimulus and dopamine you receive from it. You can also turn on app limit timers and turn off notifications.
6. Find an Accountability Buddy (if you can). They don’t have to stop their unwanted addictions, but they're willing to celebrate when you succeed and support you if you fall short. Also consider talking to your smoking or drinking buddies about your new commitment to your health.
7. If You Relapse, It’s Okay. Don’t judge yourself (i.e. "Why am I so weak, stupid, etc.?”). Self-judgment is self-sabotage, because it ironically fuels the very behavior you want to stop. You didn’t lose progress, because recovery isn’t a perfect straight line. It’s a process. And regardless, you’re now one step closer to your goal (with more clarity of what you don’t want, and increased desire for what you do want).
8. Self-Reflection Questions:

• "What am I afraid would happen if I stopped doing an unwanted addiction?"
• "What are the advantages of the substance or activity? How does it support me?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I accepted myself just the way I am?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I only focused on what I appreciated about myself?"

.

Honorable Mention Addictions

1. Acceptance, Caring What People Think, and Needing to Be Understood
Wanting acceptance is fine. But needing it, is not knowing your value. So you’re desperate to find ways to get people to love and understand you (i.e. people pleaser, perfectionist, workaholic, clingy, gym selfies, etc.). This also inspires arguing, needing to be right and anger addictions, because you need to feel heard and validated (instead of understanding that some people can’t or aren’t interested in understanding).
.
2. Avoiding Boredom — Social Media Consumption
Consuming vs Creating. Negative addictions can have an imbalance leaning towards consuming people’s creations, vs expressing your own. When was the last time you laid in bed at night, or waited in line at the store, and didn’t pull out your phone to distract you? Instead of simply appreciating the moment and your surroundings.
“Something distracting me is better than nothing.” But then you don’t have standards of quality; you simply have an insatiable appetite of consuming more. And if you’re not intentionally consuming media; it will consume you. It’s passive consumption; each post is a potato chip. When you don’t have a specific intention before opening an app, then you’ll most likely spend your next hour on empty emotional calories and walk away feeling worse. Excessive consuming leads to fuming and glooming.
Negative addictions can start out innocently. But like a frog in a boiling pot… you don’t notice that you increasingly rely on them for self-medicating negative emotions until you feel it’s consumed you.
.
3. Anger and Drama
When you feel bored, there’s no momentum in that. You feel lifeless; like a plank of wood floating on still water. And you would rather feel fun and excitement (i.e. positive momentum). But, if you don’t know how to generate those feelings, then you’ll settle for the next easiest emotion that has momentum, which is anger. (But anger is negative momentum; when not intentionally controlled.)
Drama feels interesting compared to boredom, until it gradually wears on you (and your relationships). So you try to give that anger addiction up. But if you don’t know how to create positive momentum, then when you get bored, you’ll reach for anger again to get your fix to feel that energy flow.
As you judge yourself, you will feel sad, and then naturally inspired to feel angry, because anger has more momentum and energy than sadness; thus it feels more empowering. But if you don’t intentionally choose anger for relief (in a safe space, by yourself; don’t express it to others), then as you continue judging people and circumstances, you will eventually feel sad again, and feel stuck in a cycle of sad → angry → sad → angry.
.
4. Victim Mentality, Dismissive and Needing to Be Right
If you haven’t healed your inner child and trauma, you can get addicted to always feeling like a victim. You would rather be right, than happy. So you can believe you’re always right, and everyone else is wrong. You can get addicted to being dismissive of people’s perspectives (as a reflection of how you felt you were treated growing up). One advantage of continuing to feel like a victim is, you don’t have to change; everyone else has to change, because they’re the problem (i.e. you believe your negative emotions come from them). Your trauma isn’t your fault. And, healing is possible, when you feel comfortable and open to the opportunity.
.
5. Procrastinating, Isolation and Abandonment
Isolation amplified after the year 2020 (gee, I wonder why…). The main appeal is having no expectations, pressure to perform, or be responsible to others. The issue is, people are simply a mirror that reflects the relationship you have with yourself. So avoiding people doesn’t get rid of your limiting beliefs; you just become less aware of them.
Also, it can be easy to get stuck in the cycle of, "I hate myself, so I don't socialize. Which makes me feel lonely. So I hate myself even more..."
Procrastinating and abandonment can cause other addictions. For ex: You’re doomscrolling until 2 am because you’re avoiding the routine to go to bed, and/ or trying to run away from feeling bored, lonely and worthless.
.
6. Productivity, Maximizing and Efficiency
People thought the creation of computers would help people work less because it would do a lot of the work. Only to fast forward and realize it just raised society’s standards of the work they expected from you, causing you to ironically work more; not less. And with the emergence of A.I., hopefully we don’t repeat the same mistake.
People naturally want what’s best for them. But, if you were raised to constantly need to improve and do more, then any activity you do, can be turned into two to three activities. Maximizing your time doing one activity, while learning another (e.g. second screen viewing — which can be beneficial, but detrimental when you feel you have to do it and/or avoiding boredom). With the abundance and ease of access to learning, addiction to productivity causes you to demonize downtime: “Why just go for a walk? Why just lay in bed? I should be making money or learning something useful.”
Productivity addiction can justify doing less hobbies you enjoy, because they’re not making money. This can ironically make you less productive. You’re burned out, but you feel lazy because you don’t want to work all of the time; but can’t justify fun… so you do nothing as a compromise. This reduces the quality of your life, which then fuels other negative addictions to fill the void. And, if you don’t take a break from working, then your body will do it for you.
.
7. Comparing Yourself to Others and Should
When you compare yourself, you should all over yourself. “I should do this and be different,” or, “I shouldn’t have done that.” Shoulds leave you either feeling shame or resentment. If you force yourself to do what you think you should, then you sacrifice yourself, and so you feel resentment. But if you don’t do it, then you feel guilty, shame and regret. You can’t win.
.
8. Limerence, One-Sided and Parasocial Relationships
You’re addicted to people who don’t care about you. You keep holding on to people whose behavior makes it clear they’re not interested in a mutually satisfying relationship (romantic or friendship). This can be celebrities, K-Pop idols, streamers, influences and/or a situationship you’ve put your life on hold for years waiting and hoping for it to become something more.
.

You Didn’t Waste Your Life — There’s Still Hope

Robert Downey Jr.'s life was a disaster for years (alcohol and drug addiction, arrested, etc.) before he decided to turn it around (and iconically become Iron Man). His pain and experiences were fuel to become the actor and inspirational person that he is today. His quotes:

• “Remember that just because you hit the bottom doesn't mean you have to stay there.”
• “It’s easy to embrace hopelessness when things seem insurmountable. And yet, it’s actually just a matter of time until all of the elements come together for things to be alright. I mean, I believe that most difficult situations will resolve themselves if you are persistent and if you don’t give up entirely. And that’s what I never did; I never gave up.”

Although it may not seem like it right now, everything you have lived can be used to make you stronger, wiser, healthier and happier. Your potential has increased at least tenfold because of your “wasted” experiences. Think of it like you’re a rubber band on a slingshot; and the further back you stretched into the darkness, as you let go of limiting beliefs, you propel yourself forward that much farther into the light.
I can’t wait for you to begin seeing what you’re truly capable of in the months and years to come. When you finally stop beating up on yourself for the very past that will propel you into becoming the more compassionate, understanding, supportive, appreciative, creative, productive and fulfilled person that you want to be.
~ BFree
.
Share your thoughts: What’s one step you’re going to do to let go of negative addictions and start allowing more empowering positive addictions?
.

[Note: We’re focusing on emotional reasons; not physical. And this is just one perspective. Please consult your doctor for healing, withdrawals, etc.]
TL;DR: Addictions are coping mechanisms for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. You're craving intimacy and connection. And, you’re addicted because you judge yourself (and others).
Replace “addiction” with “momentum.” You hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy and motivation).

Addictions are used to regulate your emotions. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck. So you’re learning how to shift from negative addictions (e.g. social media, junk food, vaping, etc.) to positive addictions (e.g. meditate, exercise, dancing, drawing, etc.).
_____
Before we begin, this is important: I’m not here trying to fix you. Because I don’t think you’re broken. I believe in you. You are strong, worthy and powerful enough to transform this. You may not know how to yet, but we’ll work together in understanding what’s at the heart of the issue, to support you in allowing the life you want and deserve.
Secondary Addictions: Phone, social media, food, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, video games, relationships, attention, validation, anger, sex, porn, weed, smoking, gambling, shopping, hoarding, workaholic, perfectionist, procrastinating, etc. All of these are secondary; compensating for an even greater addiction.
Primary Addiction: You’re addicted to judging yourself (and others). Not accepting and appreciating yourself and others is the cause of secondary addictions.
Addictions are coping mechanism for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. Mistreating substances is a reflection of how you treat yourself. And the irony is, part of the source for addiction is… judging yourself for doing it.
Addiction: Consistently using a substance or experience to regulate your emotions (this can be positive or negative).
And to add another layer: Replace “addiction” with “momentum” (or movement or energy flow). There’s momentum towards what you want or don’t want, and we’re discussing shifting momentum from unwanted to wanted; negative addictions to positive. Your natural state is to feel better. But if you don’t know how to do that, then you’ll rely on circumstances and people as fuel for feeling movement. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck.
.

The Cycle of Addictions

• Unwanted/ Negative Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more external/ conditional relief; relying on circumstances and people to feel better → Until you start judging again.
• Wanted/ Positive Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more internal/ unconditional relief; relying on your ability to focus to feel better → Accepting and appreciating reduces your desire for judging and negative addictions.

Negative addictions are used to avoid negative emotions. Whereas positive addictions are used to heal and embrace negative emotions.
Negative emotions are positive guidance (although it might not feel that way) letting you know you are focusing on (and judging) what you don't want. Negative emotions are just messengers of the limiting beliefs you're practicing. They're a necessary part of your emotional guidance, like GPS in your car. But the more you avoid or fight them, you keep yourself stuck.
All emotions are equal and worthy. But most people unknowingly create a hierarchy for their emotions (i.e. positive = good; negative = bad). Begin seeing negative emotions as worthy, valuable and supportive friends, and work together as a team to help you feel better.
.

The Purpose of Addictions

Because you’re the CEO of you, you hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy, motivation and enhances a good time).

Addictions either make you feel more powerful, or distract you from feeling powerless. Negative addictions give you a false sense of security, which ironically enhances your insecurity. And that keeps you stuck in a cycle of abuse with negative addictions.
Addictions can soften your focus, so you’re distracted and more general with your thoughts (i.e. tune out). And when you focus less on details, then you’re less aware of what you specifically don’t want or have, so you judge less. And with less judgement, you slow down negative momentum, and naturally feel better.
Negative addictions can help you tune out, but they also won’t let you tune in to who you really are. So if you use substances to numb yourself, then you lose your ability to focus. But it’s your power of focusing that will set you free.
Negative addictions are trying to fill a void, with things that aren’t designed to fill it. It’s like trying to fill a cup with a hole in the bottom; so no matter how much you put in, it's still empty. And you use secondary addictions to distract yourself so you don’t feel the emptiness. But the only way to fix the hole is to be reminded of how powerful, worthy and whole you really are. And it’s not a fact that you’re unworthy; it’s just something you’ve been taught by other people, who feel unworthy.
.
Because negative addictions are coping mechanisms, then if you think it’s the cause, then not using it will be the cure. But that doesn’t work as a long-term solution because it doesn’t address the actual issue: judging. So when you stop one unwanted behavior, you’ll probably start something else; i.e. transfer addiction. Or, you can call it transfer relief.
As long as you believe negative addictions help you feel normal, then you're not incentivized to let go because it’s not in your best interest. But when you feel better first, before going to the substance or experience, then you gradually remove its purpose, and thus your desire for it.

• Instead of saying, "I'm addicted," (which is valid). It's more accurate to say, “I’m seeking relief in the best way I know how.”

Negative addictions are just tools, and you used that tool to help you through a difficult time when you didn't know what else to do. You did the best you could, and now you’re ready for a change.

• “Thank you, negative addiction. I appreciate that you supported me. But, I’m taking the company in a new direction, and I will no longer be needing your services.”

Negative addictions have imposter syndrome; and rightfully so — they’re unqualified for the job of giving you sustainable relief. So when you start hiring positive addictions, then you release the control negative addictions once had over the company (i.e. you).
And it doesn’t mean you still don’t enjoy technology, food, etc. You can let them be for fun (based on your personal boundaries), but you are in control. They’re expressions of a fulfilling life; not replacements for it.
.

Positive Addictions — What You’re Really Craving

Addictions indicate you're craving intimacy and connection. With others is nice, but you’re craving connection with yourself. And to stop an unwanted addiction, you want a new healthy habit to take its place. Because without it, there’s a power vacuum. So, what are your new healthier coping mechanisms to connect with yourself? For ex:

• "When I feel sad, I meditate for 2 - 15 minutes."
• "When I feel powerless, I exercise, go for a walk, ride a bike, or connect with nature.”
• "When I feel unloved and rejected, I connect with my body, by putting my hand on my heart, focus on deep breathing and being there for myself."
• "When I feel bored, I practice creative outlets to express myself (e.g. dancing, singing, drawing, gardening, crocheting, cooking, etc.).”

.

Tips to Start Healing

1. Be Aware. Be Mindful. Be Intentional. When using an unwanted addiction, tell yourself,

• “I am consciously using this for relief. I’m not going to judge myself, because I understand why I’m doing it. I feel lonely, bored, sad, stressed, etc. And so, I am intentionally doing this activity to feel better.”

The simple act of bringing awareness to an unwanted habit shines light into the darkness, and you start regaining your power. You’re still doing the unwanted activity, but you’re tuning in, instead of tuning out.
2. Make a Deal with Yourself. When you get tempted to do an unwanted addiction, focus on feeling better first (e.g. meditate or go for a walk for a few minutes). Then, you can still do the unwanted addiction after you feel better. (This isn’t advocating unwanted behavior, but it is being realistic in helping you wean yourself off, and begin the job transfer process from negative to positive addictions.) So it accomplishes three things:

1. You’re not depriving yourself; you’re just slightly delaying gratification, which builds up your strength of not automatically going to the same unwanted habit.
2. You’re replacing the old addiction with a better-feeling one (and notice that you’ll consume less and/ or gradually have less desire to use the substance).
3. You create self-trust and respect by making a practical deal with yourself, and showing that you’re stronger than you think and can follow through; which also gives you hope that you can do this.

3. Reduce Consumption: Adjust Time and/ or Intensity. (E.g. If you’re smoking five days a week; do only four days, or use one less a day than normal).
4. Focus on what you want to start doing, instead of what you want to stop doing. What do you want to feel?

• “I want to start feeling relief. I want to feel supported. I want to start feeling more loved and accepted for who I am. I want to feel more comfortable and ease. I want to feel more at peace myself. I want to start feeling how strong and capable my body is. I want to feel proud of myself. I want to feel clarity. I want to start looking for more activities that are fun and bring out my creativity.”

5. Your Phone Has Grayscale, which makes it black and white, thus reducing the stimulus and dopamine you receive from it. You can also turn on app limit timers and turn off notifications.
6. Find an Accountability Buddy (if you can). They don’t have to stop their unwanted addictions, but they're willing to celebrate when you succeed and support you if you fall short. Also consider talking to your smoking or drinking buddies about your new commitment to your health.
7. If You Relapse, It’s Okay. Don’t judge yourself (i.e. "Why am I so weak, stupid, etc.?”). Self-judgment is self-sabotage, because it ironically fuels the very behavior you want to stop. You didn’t lose progress, because recovery isn’t a perfect straight line. It’s a process. And regardless, you’re now one step closer to your goal (with more clarity of what you don’t want, and increased desire for what you do want).
8. Self-Reflection Questions:

• "What am I afraid would happen if I stopped doing an unwanted addiction?"
• "What are the advantages of the substance or activity? How does it support me?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I accepted myself just the way I am?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I only focused on what I appreciated about myself?"

.

Honorable Mention Addictions

1. Acceptance, Caring What People Think, and Needing to Be Understood
Wanting acceptance is fine. But needing it, is not knowing your value. So you’re desperate to find ways to get people to love and understand you (i.e. people pleaser, perfectionist, workaholic, clingy, gym selfies, etc.). This also inspires arguing, needing to be right and anger addictions, because you need to feel heard and validated (instead of understanding that some people can’t or aren’t interested in understanding).
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2. Avoiding Boredom — Social Media Consumption
Consuming vs Creating. Negative addictions can have an imbalance leaning towards consuming people’s creations, vs expressing your own. When was the last time you laid in bed at night, or waited in line at the store, and didn’t pull out your phone to distract you? Instead of simply appreciating the moment and your surroundings.
“Something distracting me is better than nothing.” But then you don’t have standards of quality; you simply have an insatiable appetite of consuming more. And if you’re not intentionally consuming media; it will consume you. It’s passive consumption; each post is a potato chip. When you don’t have a specific intention before opening an app, then you’ll most likely spend your next hour on empty emotional calories and walk away feeling worse. Excessive consuming leads to fuming and glooming.
Negative addictions can start out innocently. But like a frog in a boiling pot… you don’t notice that you increasingly rely on them for self-medicating negative emotions until you feel it’s consumed you.
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3. Anger and Drama
When you feel bored, there’s no momentum in that. You feel lifeless; like a plank of wood floating on still water. And you would rather feel fun and excitement (i.e. positive momentum). But, if you don’t know how to generate those feelings, then you’ll settle for the next easiest emotion that has momentum, which is anger. (But anger is negative momentum; when not intentionally controlled.)
Drama feels interesting compared to boredom, until it gradually wears on you (and your relationships). So you try to give that anger addiction up. But if you don’t know how to create positive momentum, then when you get bored, you’ll reach for anger again to get your fix to feel that energy flow.
As you judge yourself, you will feel sad, and then naturally inspired to feel angry, because anger has more momentum and energy than sadness; thus it feels more empowering. But if you don’t intentionally choose anger for relief (in a safe space, by yourself; don’t express it to others), then as you continue judging people and circumstances, you will eventually feel sad again, and feel stuck in a cycle of sad → angry → sad → angry.
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4. Victim Mentality, Dismissive and Needing to Be Right
If you haven’t healed your inner child and trauma, you can get addicted to always feeling like a victim. You would rather be right, than happy. So you can believe you’re always right, and everyone else is wrong. You can get addicted to being dismissive of people’s perspectives (as a reflection of how you felt you were treated growing up). One advantage of continuing to feel like a victim is, you don’t have to change; everyone else has to change, because they’re the problem (i.e. you believe your negative emotions come from them). Your trauma isn’t your fault. And, healing is possible, when you feel comfortable and open to the opportunity.
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5. Procrastinating, Isolation and Abandonment
Isolation amplified after the year 2020 (gee, I wonder why…). The main appeal is having no expectations, pressure to perform, or be responsible to others. The issue is, people are simply a mirror that reflects the relationship you have with yourself. So avoiding people doesn’t get rid of your limiting beliefs; you just become less aware of them.
Also, it can be easy to get stuck in the cycle of, "I hate myself, so I don't socialize. Which makes me feel lonely. So I hate myself even more..."
Procrastinating and abandonment can cause other addictions. For ex: You’re doomscrolling until 2 am because you’re avoiding the routine to go to bed, and/ or trying to run away from feeling bored, lonely and worthless.
.
6. Productivity, Maximizing and Efficiency
People thought the creation of computers would help people work less because it would do a lot of the work. Only to fast forward and realize it just raised society’s standards of the work they expected from you, causing you to ironically work more; not less. And with the emergence of A.I., hopefully we don’t repeat the same mistake.
People naturally want what’s best for them. But, if you were raised to constantly need to improve and do more, then any activity you do, can be turned into two to three activities. Maximizing your time doing one activity, while learning another (e.g. second screen viewing — which can be beneficial, but detrimental when you feel you have to do it and/or avoiding boredom). With the abundance and ease of access to learning, addiction to productivity causes you to demonize downtime: “Why just go for a walk? Why just lay in bed? I should be making money or learning something useful.”
Productivity addiction can justify doing less hobbies you enjoy, because they’re not making money. This can ironically make you less productive. You’re burned out, but you feel lazy because you don’t want to work all of the time; but can’t justify fun… so you do nothing as a compromise. This reduces the quality of your life, which then fuels other negative addictions to fill the void. And, if you don’t take a break from working, then your body will do it for you.
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7. Comparing Yourself to Others and Should
When you compare yourself, you should all over yourself. “I should do this and be different,” or, “I shouldn’t have done that.” Shoulds leave you either feeling shame or resentment. If you force yourself to do what you think you should, then you sacrifice yourself, and so you feel resentment. But if you don’t do it, then you feel guilty, shame and regret. You can’t win.
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8. Limerence, One-Sided and Parasocial Relationships
You’re addicted to people who don’t care about you. You keep holding on to people whose behavior makes it clear they’re not interested in a mutually satisfying relationship (romantic or friendship). This can be celebrities, K-Pop idols, streamers, influences and/or a situationship you’ve put your life on hold for years waiting and hoping for it to become something more.
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You Didn’t Waste Your Life — There’s Still Hope

Robert Downey Jr.'s life was a disaster for years (alcohol and drug addiction, arrested, etc.) before he decided to turn it around (and iconically become Iron Man). His pain and experiences were fuel to become the actor and inspirational person that he is today. His quotes:

• “Remember that just because you hit the bottom doesn't mean you have to stay there.”
• “It’s easy to embrace hopelessness when things seem insurmountable. And yet, it’s actually just a matter of time until all of the elements come together for things to be alright. I mean, I believe that most difficult situations will resolve themselves if you are persistent and if you don’t give up entirely. And that’s what I never did; I never gave up.”

Although it may not seem like it right now, everything you have lived can be used to make you stronger, wiser, healthier and happier. Your potential has increased at least tenfold because of your “wasted” experiences. Think of it like you’re a rubber band on a slingshot; and the further back you stretched into the darkness, as you let go of limiting beliefs, you propel yourself forward that much farther into the light.
I can’t wait for you to begin seeing what you’re truly capable of in the months and years to come. When you finally stop beating up on yourself for the very past that will propel you into becoming the more compassionate, understanding, supportive, appreciative, creative, productive and fulfilled person that you want to be.
~ BFree
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Share your thoughts: What’s one step you’re going to do to let go of negative addictions and start allowing more empowering positive addictions?
.

If I have any time off at all I will spend it in bed. I sleep whenever I can day or night, I eat in bed (gross I know, but also so comforting emotionally lol 🥲). At the minute I dont have a desk but my new house will. I’m trying really, really hard to achieve a fraction of functionality that most adults my age (25) have.
I know I also should get tested for my constant fatigue. I try to eat the right foods, I always eat salads and vegetables but not much protein. Some days I go overboard on carbs. Other days, alcohol. So it’s like one step forward, two steps back.
So what are some methods to avoid being in bed? I get tired quite easily, I like going on walks but by the time I’m back I’m tired so I’m … in bed. I also have been housesharing for years since I can’t afford rent on my own, and I get anxious about being in a room with housemates most of the time. I’ve become so accustomed to spending time in my room because it’s how I felt safe and coped during my childhood. But that skill is harming me now and it feels like moving mountains just grow out of it.

[Note: We’re focusing on emotional reasons; not physical. And this is just one perspective. Please consult your doctor for healing, withdrawals, etc.]
TL;DR: Addictions are coping mechanisms for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. You're craving intimacy and connection. And, you’re addicted because you judge yourself (and others).
Replace “addiction” with “momentum.” You hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy and motivation).

Addictions are used to regulate your emotions. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck. So you’re learning how to shift from negative addictions (e.g. social media, junk food, vaping, etc.) to positive addictions (e.g. meditate, exercise, dancing, drawing, etc.).
_____
Before we begin, this is important: I’m not here trying to fix you. Because I don’t think you’re broken. I believe in you. You are strong, worthy and powerful enough to transform this. You may not know how to yet, but we’ll work together in understanding what’s at the heart of the issue, to support you in allowing the life you want and deserve.
Secondary Addictions: Phone, social media, food, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, video games, relationships, attention, validation, anger, sex, porn, weed, smoking, gambling, shopping, hoarding, workaholic, perfectionist, procrastinating, etc. All of these are secondary; compensating for an even greater addiction.
Primary Addiction: You’re addicted to judging yourself (and others). Not accepting and appreciating yourself and others is the cause of secondary addictions.
Addictions are coping mechanism for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. Mistreating substances is a reflection of how you treat yourself. And the irony is, part of the source for addiction is… judging yourself for doing it.
Addiction: Consistently using a substance or experience to regulate your emotions (this can be positive or negative).
And to add another layer: Replace “addiction” with “momentum” (or movement or energy flow). There’s momentum towards what you want or don’t want, and we’re discussing shifting momentum from unwanted to wanted; negative addictions to positive. Your natural state is to feel better. But if you don’t know how to do that, then you’ll rely on circumstances and people as fuel for feeling movement. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck.
.

The Cycle of Addictions

• Unwanted/ Negative Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more external/ conditional relief; relying on circumstances and people to feel better → Until you start judging again.
• Wanted/ Positive Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more internal/ unconditional relief; relying on your ability to focus to feel better → Accepting and appreciating reduces your desire for judging and negative addictions.

Negative addictions are used to avoid negative emotions. Whereas positive addictions are used to heal and embrace negative emotions.
Negative emotions are positive guidance (although it might not feel that way) letting you know you are focusing on (and judging) what you don't want. Negative emotions are just messengers of the limiting beliefs you're practicing. They're a necessary part of your emotional guidance, like GPS in your car. But the more you avoid or fight them, you keep yourself stuck.
All emotions are equal and worthy. But most people unknowingly create a hierarchy for their emotions (i.e. positive = good; negative = bad). Begin seeing negative emotions as worthy, valuable and supportive friends, and work together as a team to help you feel better.
.

The Purpose of Addictions

Because you’re the CEO of you, you hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy, motivation and enhances a good time).

Addictions either make you feel more powerful, or distract you from feeling powerless. Negative addictions give you a false sense of security, which ironically enhances your insecurity. And that keeps you stuck in a cycle of abuse with negative addictions.
Addictions can soften your focus, so you’re distracted and more general with your thoughts (i.e. tune out). And when you focus less on details, then you’re less aware of what you specifically don’t want or have, so you judge less. And with less judgement, you slow down negative momentum, and naturally feel better.
Negative addictions can help you tune out, but they also won’t let you tune in to who you really are. So if you use substances to numb yourself, then you lose your ability to focus. But it’s your power of focusing that will set you free.
Negative addictions are trying to fill a void, with things that aren’t designed to fill it. It’s like trying to fill a cup with a hole in the bottom; so no matter how much you put in, it's still empty. And you use secondary addictions to distract yourself so you don’t feel the emptiness. But the only way to fix the hole is to be reminded of how powerful, worthy and whole you really are. And it’s not a fact that you’re unworthy; it’s just something you’ve been taught by other people, who feel unworthy.
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Because negative addictions are coping mechanisms, then if you think it’s the cause, then not using it will be the cure. But that doesn’t work as a long-term solution because it doesn’t address the actual issue: judging. So when you stop one unwanted behavior, you’ll probably start something else; i.e. transfer addiction. Or, you can call it transfer relief.
As long as you believe negative addictions help you feel normal, then you're not incentivized to let go because it’s not in your best interest. But when you feel better first, before going to the substance or experience, then you gradually remove its purpose, and thus your desire for it.

• Instead of saying, "I'm addicted," (which is valid). It's more accurate to say, “I’m seeking relief in the best way I know how.”

Negative addictions are just tools, and you used that tool to help you through a difficult time when you didn't know what else to do. You did the best you could, and now you’re ready for a change.

• “Thank you, negative addiction. I appreciate that you supported me. But, I’m taking the company in a new direction, and I will no longer be needing your services.”

Negative addictions have imposter syndrome; and rightfully so — they’re unqualified for the job of giving you sustainable relief. So when you start hiring positive addictions, then you release the control negative addictions once had over the company (i.e. you).
And it doesn’t mean you still don’t enjoy technology, food, etc. You can let them be for fun (based on your personal boundaries), but you are in control. They’re expressions of a fulfilling life; not replacements for it.
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Positive Addictions — What You’re Really Craving

Addictions indicate you're craving intimacy and connection. With others is nice, but you’re craving connection with yourself. And to stop an unwanted addiction, you want a new healthy habit to take its place. Because without it, there’s a power vacuum. So, what are your new healthier coping mechanisms to connect with yourself? For ex:

• "When I feel sad, I meditate for 2 - 15 minutes."
• "When I feel powerless, I exercise, go for a walk, ride a bike, or connect with nature.”
• "When I feel unloved and rejected, I connect with my body, by putting my hand on my heart, focus on deep breathing and being there for myself."
• "When I feel bored, I practice creative outlets to express myself (e.g. dancing, singing, drawing, gardening, crocheting, cooking, etc.).”

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Tips to Start Healing

1. Be Aware. Be Mindful. Be Intentional. When using an unwanted addiction, tell yourself,

• “I am consciously using this for relief. I’m not going to judge myself, because I understand why I’m doing it. I feel lonely, bored, sad, stressed, etc. And so, I am intentionally doing this activity to feel better.”

The simple act of bringing awareness to an unwanted habit shines light into the darkness, and you start regaining your power. You’re still doing the unwanted activity, but you’re tuning in, instead of tuning out.
2. Make a Deal with Yourself. When you get tempted to do an unwanted addiction, focus on feeling better first (e.g. meditate or go for a walk for a few minutes). Then, you can still do the unwanted addiction after you feel better. (This isn’t advocating unwanted behavior, but it is being realistic in helping you wean yourself off, and begin the job transfer process from negative to positive addictions.) So it accomplishes three things:

1. You’re not depriving yourself; you’re just slightly delaying gratification, which builds up your strength of not automatically going to the same unwanted habit.
2. You’re replacing the old addiction with a better-feeling one (and notice that you’ll consume less and/ or gradually have less desire to use the substance).
3. You create self-trust and respect by making a practical deal with yourself, and showing that you’re stronger than you think and can follow through; which also gives you hope that you can do this.

3. Reduce Consumption: Adjust Time and/ or Intensity. (E.g. If you’re smoking five days a week; do only four days, or use one less a day than normal).
4. Focus on what you want to start doing, instead of what you want to stop doing. What do you want to feel?

• “I want to start feeling relief. I want to feel supported. I want to start feeling more loved and accepted for who I am. I want to feel more comfortable and ease. I want to feel more at peace myself. I want to start feeling how strong and capable my body is. I want to feel proud of myself. I want to feel clarity. I want to start looking for more activities that are fun and bring out my creativity.”

5. Your Phone Has Grayscale, which makes it black and white, thus reducing the stimulus and dopamine you receive from it. You can also turn on app limit timers and turn off notifications.
6. Find an Accountability Buddy (if you can). They don’t have to stop their unwanted addictions, but they're willing to celebrate when you succeed and support you if you fall short. Also consider talking to your smoking or drinking buddies about your new commitment to your health.
7. If You Relapse, It’s Okay. Don’t judge yourself (i.e. "Why am I so weak, stupid, etc.?”). Self-judgment is self-sabotage, because it ironically fuels the very behavior you want to stop. You didn’t lose progress, because recovery isn’t a perfect straight line. It’s a process. And regardless, you’re now one step closer to your goal (with more clarity of what you don’t want, and increased desire for what you do want).
8. Self-Reflection Questions:

• "What am I afraid would happen if I stopped doing an unwanted addiction?"
• "What are the advantages of the substance or activity? How does it support me?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I accepted myself just the way I am?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I only focused on what I appreciated about myself?"

.

Honorable Mention Addictions

1. Acceptance, Caring What People Think, and Needing to Be Understood
Wanting acceptance is fine. But needing it, is not knowing your value. So you’re desperate to find ways to get people to love and understand you (i.e. people pleaser, perfectionist, workaholic, clingy, gym selfies, etc.). This also inspires arguing, needing to be right and anger addictions, because you need to feel heard and validated (instead of understanding that some people can’t or aren’t interested in understanding).
.
2. Avoiding Boredom — Social Media Consumption
Consuming vs Creating. Negative addictions can have an imbalance leaning towards consuming people’s creations, vs expressing your own. When was the last time you laid in bed at night, or waited in line at the store, and didn’t pull out your phone to distract you? Instead of simply appreciating the moment and your surroundings.
“Something distracting me is better than nothing.” But then you don’t have standards of quality; you simply have an insatiable appetite of consuming more. And if you’re not intentionally consuming media; it will consume you. It’s passive consumption; each post is a potato chip. When you don’t have a specific intention before opening an app, then you’ll most likely spend your next hour on empty emotional calories and walk away feeling worse. Excessive consuming leads to fuming and glooming.
Negative addictions can start out innocently. But like a frog in a boiling pot… you don’t notice that you increasingly rely on them for self-medicating negative emotions until you feel it’s consumed you.
.
3. Anger and Drama
When you feel bored, there’s no momentum in that. You feel lifeless; like a plank of wood floating on still water. And you would rather feel fun and excitement (i.e. positive momentum). But, if you don’t know how to generate those feelings, then you’ll settle for the next easiest emotion that has momentum, which is anger. (But anger is negative momentum; when not intentionally controlled.)
Drama feels interesting compared to boredom, until it gradually wears on you (and your relationships). So you try to give that anger addiction up. But if you don’t know how to create positive momentum, then when you get bored, you’ll reach for anger again to get your fix to feel that energy flow.
As you judge yourself, you will feel sad, and then naturally inspired to feel angry, because anger has more momentum and energy than sadness; thus it feels more empowering. But if you don’t intentionally choose anger for relief (in a safe space, by yourself; don’t express it to others), then as you continue judging people and circumstances, you will eventually feel sad again, and feel stuck in a cycle of sad → angry → sad → angry.
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4. Victim Mentality, Dismissive and Needing to Be Right
If you haven’t healed your inner child and trauma, you can get addicted to always feeling like a victim. You would rather be right, than happy. So you can believe you’re always right, and everyone else is wrong. You can get addicted to being dismissive of people’s perspectives (as a reflection of how you felt you were treated growing up). One advantage of continuing to feel like a victim is, you don’t have to change; everyone else has to change, because they’re the problem (i.e. you believe your negative emotions come from them). Your trauma isn’t your fault. And, healing is possible, when you feel comfortable and open to the opportunity.
.
5. Procrastinating, Isolation and Abandonment
Isolation amplified after the year 2020 (gee, I wonder why…). The main appeal is having no expectations, pressure to perform, or be responsible to others. The issue is, people are simply a mirror that reflects the relationship you have with yourself. So avoiding people doesn’t get rid of your limiting beliefs; you just become less aware of them.
Also, it can be easy to get stuck in the cycle of, "I hate myself, so I don't socialize. Which makes me feel lonely. So I hate myself even more..."
Procrastinating and abandonment can cause other addictions. For ex: You’re doomscrolling until 2 am because you’re avoiding the routine to go to bed, and/ or trying to run away from feeling bored, lonely and worthless.
.
6. Productivity, Maximizing and Efficiency
People thought the creation of computers would help people work less because it would do a lot of the work. Only to fast forward and realize it just raised society’s standards of the work they expected from you, causing you to ironically work more; not less. And with the emergence of A.I., hopefully we don’t repeat the same mistake.
People naturally want what’s best for them. But, if you were raised to constantly need to improve and do more, then any activity you do, can be turned into two to three activities. Maximizing your time doing one activity, while learning another (e.g. second screen viewing — which can be beneficial, but detrimental when you feel you have to do it and/or avoiding boredom). With the abundance and ease of access to learning, addiction to productivity causes you to demonize downtime: “Why just go for a walk? Why just lay in bed? I should be making money or learning something useful.”
Productivity addiction can justify doing less hobbies you enjoy, because they’re not making money. This can ironically make you less productive. You’re burned out, but you feel lazy because you don’t want to work all of the time; but can’t justify fun… so you do nothing as a compromise. This reduces the quality of your life, which then fuels other negative addictions to fill the void. And, if you don’t take a break from working, then your body will do it for you.
.
7. Comparing Yourself to Others and Should
When you compare yourself, you should all over yourself. “I should do this and be different,” or, “I shouldn’t have done that.” Shoulds leave you either feeling shame or resentment. If you force yourself to do what you think you should, then you sacrifice yourself, and so you feel resentment. But if you don’t do it, then you feel guilty, shame and regret. You can’t win.
.
8. Limerence, One-Sided and Parasocial Relationships
You’re addicted to people who don’t care about you. You keep holding on to people whose behavior makes it clear they’re not interested in a mutually satisfying relationship (romantic or friendship). This can be celebrities, K-Pop idols, streamers, influences and/or a situationship you’ve put your life on hold for years waiting and hoping for it to become something more.
.

You Didn’t Waste Your Life — There’s Still Hope

Robert Downey Jr.'s life was a disaster for years (alcohol and drug addiction, arrested, etc.) before he decided to turn it around (and iconically become Iron Man). His pain and experiences were fuel to become the actor and inspirational person that he is today. His quotes:

• “Remember that just because you hit the bottom doesn't mean you have to stay there.”
• “It’s easy to embrace hopelessness when things seem insurmountable. And yet, it’s actually just a matter of time until all of the elements come together for things to be alright. I mean, I believe that most difficult situations will resolve themselves if you are persistent and if you don’t give up entirely. And that’s what I never did; I never gave up.”

Although it may not seem like it right now, everything you have lived can be used to make you stronger, wiser, healthier and happier. Your potential has increased at least tenfold because of your “wasted” experiences. Think of it like you’re a rubber band on a slingshot; and the further back you stretched into the darkness, as you let go of limiting beliefs, you propel yourself forward that much farther into the light.
I can’t wait for you to begin seeing what you’re truly capable of in the months and years to come. When you finally stop beating up on yourself for the very past that will propel you into becoming the more compassionate, understanding, supportive, appreciative, creative, productive and fulfilled person that you want to be.
~ BFree
.
Share your thoughts: What’s one step you’re going to do to let go of negative addictions and start allowing more empowering positive addictions?
.

[Note: We’re focusing on emotional reasons; not physical. And this is just one perspective. Please consult your doctor for healing, withdrawals, etc.]
TL;DR: Addictions are coping mechanisms for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. You're craving intimacy and connection. And, you’re addicted because you judge yourself (and others).
Replace “addiction” with “momentum.” You hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy and motivation).

Addictions are used to regulate your emotions. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck. So you’re learning how to shift from negative addictions (e.g. social media, junk food, vaping, etc.) to positive addictions (e.g. meditate, exercise, dancing, drawing, etc.).
_____
Before we begin, this is important: I’m not here trying to fix you. Because I don’t think you’re broken. I believe in you. You are strong, worthy and powerful enough to transform this. You may not know how to yet, but we’ll work together in understanding what’s at the heart of the issue, to support you in allowing the life you want and deserve.
Secondary Addictions: Phone, social media, food, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, video games, relationships, attention, validation, anger, sex, porn, weed, smoking, gambling, shopping, hoarding, workaholic, perfectionist, procrastinating, etc. All of these are secondary; compensating for an even greater addiction.
Primary Addiction: You’re addicted to judging yourself (and others). Not accepting and appreciating yourself and others is the cause of secondary addictions.
Addictions are coping mechanism for an unfulfilled, disconnected life. Mistreating substances is a reflection of how you treat yourself. And the irony is, part of the source for addiction is… judging yourself for doing it.
Addiction: Consistently using a substance or experience to regulate your emotions (this can be positive or negative).
And to add another layer: Replace “addiction” with “momentum” (or movement or energy flow). There’s momentum towards what you want or don’t want, and we’re discussing shifting momentum from unwanted to wanted; negative addictions to positive. Your natural state is to feel better. But if you don’t know how to do that, then you’ll rely on circumstances and people as fuel for feeling movement. But, when you artificially modify momentum, that keeps you stuck.
.

The Cycle of Addictions

• Unwanted/ Negative Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more external/ conditional relief; relying on circumstances and people to feel better → Until you start judging again.
• Wanted/ Positive Addiction: Judging anything makes you crave relief → So you consume more internal/ unconditional relief; relying on your ability to focus to feel better → Accepting and appreciating reduces your desire for judging and negative addictions.

Negative addictions are used to avoid negative emotions. Whereas positive addictions are used to heal and embrace negative emotions.
Negative emotions are positive guidance (although it might not feel that way) letting you know you are focusing on (and judging) what you don't want. Negative emotions are just messengers of the limiting beliefs you're practicing. They're a necessary part of your emotional guidance, like GPS in your car. But the more you avoid or fight them, you keep yourself stuck.
All emotions are equal and worthy. But most people unknowingly create a hierarchy for their emotions (i.e. positive = good; negative = bad). Begin seeing negative emotions as worthy, valuable and supportive friends, and work together as a team to help you feel better.
.

The Purpose of Addictions

Because you’re the CEO of you, you hire an addiction to do one of two jobs:

• Slow Down Negative Momentum (i.e. depressant; takes away pain, calming and relief from stress).
• Speed Up Positive Momentum (i.e. stimulant; gives pleasure, fun, energy, motivation and enhances a good time).

Addictions either make you feel more powerful, or distract you from feeling powerless. Negative addictions give you a false sense of security, which ironically enhances your insecurity. And that keeps you stuck in a cycle of abuse with negative addictions.
Addictions can soften your focus, so you’re distracted and more general with your thoughts (i.e. tune out). And when you focus less on details, then you’re less aware of what you specifically don’t want or have, so you judge less. And with less judgement, you slow down negative momentum, and naturally feel better.
Negative addictions can help you tune out, but they also won’t let you tune in to who you really are. So if you use substances to numb yourself, then you lose your ability to focus. But it’s your power of focusing that will set you free.
Negative addictions are trying to fill a void, with things that aren’t designed to fill it. It’s like trying to fill a cup with a hole in the bottom; so no matter how much you put in, it's still empty. And you use secondary addictions to distract yourself so you don’t feel the emptiness. But the only way to fix the hole is to be reminded of how powerful, worthy and whole you really are. And it’s not a fact that you’re unworthy; it’s just something you’ve been taught by other people, who feel unworthy.
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Because negative addictions are coping mechanisms, then if you think it’s the cause, then not using it will be the cure. But that doesn’t work as a long-term solution because it doesn’t address the actual issue: judging. So when you stop one unwanted behavior, you’ll probably start something else; i.e. transfer addiction. Or, you can call it transfer relief.
As long as you believe negative addictions help you feel normal, then you're not incentivized to let go because it’s not in your best interest. But when you feel better first, before going to the substance or experience, then you gradually remove its purpose, and thus your desire for it.

• Instead of saying, "I'm addicted," (which is valid). It's more accurate to say, “I’m seeking relief in the best way I know how.”

Negative addictions are just tools, and you used that tool to help you through a difficult time when you didn't know what else to do. You did the best you could, and now you’re ready for a change.

• “Thank you, negative addiction. I appreciate that you supported me. But, I’m taking the company in a new direction, and I will no longer be needing your services.”

Negative addictions have imposter syndrome; and rightfully so — they’re unqualified for the job of giving you sustainable relief. So when you start hiring positive addictions, then you release the control negative addictions once had over the company (i.e. you).
And it doesn’t mean you still don’t enjoy technology, food, etc. You can let them be for fun (based on your personal boundaries), but you are in control. They’re expressions of a fulfilling life; not replacements for it.
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Positive Addictions — What You’re Really Craving

Addictions indicate you're craving intimacy and connection. With others is nice, but you’re craving connection with yourself. And to stop an unwanted addiction, you want a new healthy habit to take its place. Because without it, there’s a power vacuum. So, what are your new healthier coping mechanisms to connect with yourself? For ex:

• "When I feel sad, I meditate for 2 - 15 minutes."
• "When I feel powerless, I exercise, go for a walk, ride a bike, or connect with nature.”
• "When I feel unloved and rejected, I connect with my body, by putting my hand on my heart, focus on deep breathing and being there for myself."
• "When I feel bored, I practice creative outlets to express myself (e.g. dancing, singing, drawing, gardening, crocheting, cooking, etc.).”

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Tips to Start Healing

1. Be Aware. Be Mindful. Be Intentional. When using an unwanted addiction, tell yourself,

• “I am consciously using this for relief. I’m not going to judge myself, because I understand why I’m doing it. I feel lonely, bored, sad, stressed, etc. And so, I am intentionally doing this to feel better.”

The simple act of bringing awareness to an unwanted habit shines light into the darkness, and you start regaining your power. You’re still doing the unwanted activity, but you’re tuning in, instead of tuning out.
2. Make a Deal with Yourself. When you get tempted to do an unwanted addiction, focus on feeling better first (e.g. meditate or go for a walk for a few minutes). Then, you can still do the unwanted addiction after you feel better. (This isn’t advocating unwanted behavior, but it is being realistic in helping you wean yourself off, and begin the job transfer process from negative to positive addictions.) So it accomplishes three things:

1. You’re not depriving yourself; you’re just slightly delaying gratification, which builds up your strength of not automatically going to the same unwanted habit.
2. You’re replacing the old addiction with a better-feeling one (and notice that you’ll consume less and/ or gradually have less desire to use the substance).
3. You create self-trust and respect by making a practical deal with yourself, and showing that you’re stronger than you think and can follow through; which also gives you hope that you can do this.

3. Reduce Consumption: Adjust Time and/ or Intensity. (E.g. If you’re smoking five days a week; do only four days, or use one less a day than normal).
4. Focus on what you want to start doing, instead of what you want to stop doing. What do you want to feel?

• “I want to start feeling relief. I want to feel supported. I want to start feeling more loved and accepted for who I am. I want to feel more comfortable and ease. I want to feel more at peace myself. I want to start feeling how strong and capable my body is. I want to feel proud of myself. I want to feel clarity. I want to start looking for more activities that are fun and bring out my creativity.”

5. Your Phone Has Grayscale, which makes it black and white, thus reducing the stimulus and dopamine you receive from it. You can also turn on app limit timers and turn off notifications.
6. Find an Accountability Buddy (if you can). They don’t have to stop their unwanted addictions, but they're willing to celebrate when you succeed and support you if you fall short. Also consider talking to your smoking or drinking buddies about your new commitment to your health.
7. If You Relapse, It’s Okay. Don’t judge yourself (i.e. "Why am I so weak, stupid, etc.?”). Self-judgment is self-sabotage, because it ironically fuels the very behavior you want to stop. You didn’t lose progress, because recovery isn’t a perfect straight line. It’s a process. And regardless, you’re now one step closer to your goal (with more clarity of what you don’t want, and increased desire for what you do want).
8. Self-Reflection Questions:

• "What am I afraid would happen if I stopped doing an unwanted addiction?"
• "What are the advantages of the substance or activity? How does it support me?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I accepted myself just the way I am?"
• "What am I afraid would happen if I only focused on what I appreciated about myself?"

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Honorable Mention Addictions

1. Acceptance, Caring What People Think, and Needing to Be Understood
Wanting acceptance is fine. But needing it, is not knowing your value. So you’re desperate to find ways to get people to love and understand you (i.e. people pleaser, perfectionist, workaholic, clingy, gym selfies, etc.). This also inspires arguing, needing to be right and anger addictions, because you need to feel heard and validated (instead of understanding that some people can’t or aren’t interested in understanding).
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2. Avoiding Boredom — Social Media Consumption
Consuming vs Creating. Negative addictions can have an imbalance leaning towards consuming people’s creations, vs expressing your own. When was the last time you laid in bed at night, or waited in line at the store, and didn’t pull out your phone to distract you? Instead of simply appreciating the moment and your surroundings.
“Something distracting me is better than nothing.” But then you don’t have standards of quality; you simply have an insatiable appetite of consuming more. And if you’re not intentionally consuming media; it will consume you. It’s passive consumption; each post is a potato chip. When you don’t have a specific intention before opening an app, then you’ll most likely spend your next hour on empty emotional calories and walk away feeling worse. Excessive consuming leads to fuming and glooming.
Negative addictions can start out innocently. But like a frog in a boiling pot… you don’t notice that you increasingly rely on them for self-medicating negative emotions until you feel it’s consumed you.
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3. Anger and Drama
When you feel bored, there’s no momentum in that. You feel lifeless; like a plank of wood floating on still water. And you would rather feel fun and excitement (i.e. positive momentum). But, if you don’t know how to generate those feelings, then you’ll settle for the next easiest emotion that has momentum, which is anger. (But anger is negative momentum; when not intentionally controlled.)
Drama feels interesting compared to boredom, until it gradually wears on you (and your relationships). So you try to give that anger addiction up. But if you don’t know how to create positive momentum, then when you get bored, you’ll reach for anger again to get your fix to feel that energy flow.
As you judge yourself, you will feel sad, and then naturally inspired to feel angry, because anger has more momentum and energy than sadness; thus it feels more empowering. But if you don’t intentionally choose anger for relief (in a safe space, by yourself; don’t express it to others), then as you continue judging people and circumstances, you will eventually feel sad again, and feel stuck in a cycle of sad → angry → sad → angry.
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4. Victim Mentality, Dismissive and Needing to Be Right
If you haven’t healed your inner child and trauma, you can get addicted to always feeling like a victim. You would rather be right, than happy. So you can believe you’re always right, and everyone else is wrong. You can get addicted to being dismissive of people’s perspectives (as a reflection of how you felt you were treated growing up). One advantage of continuing to feel like a victim is, you don’t have to change; everyone else has to change, because they’re the problem (i.e. you believe your negative emotions come from them). Your trauma isn’t your fault. And, healing is possible, when you feel comfortable and open to the opportunity.
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5. Procrastinating, Isolation and Abandonment
Isolation amplified after the year 2020 (gee, I wonder why…). The main appeal is having no expectations, pressure to perform, or be responsible to others. The issue is, people are simply a mirror that reflects the relationship you have with yourself. So avoiding people doesn’t get rid of your limiting beliefs; you just become less aware of them.
Also, it can be easy to get stuck in the cycle of, "I hate myself, so I don't socialize. Which makes me feel lonely. So I hate myself even more..."
Procrastinating and abandonment can cause other addictions. For ex: You’re doomscrolling until 2 am because you’re avoiding the routine to go to bed, and/ or trying to run away from feeling bored, lonely and worthless.
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6. Productivity, Maximizing and Efficiency
People thought the creation of computers would help people work less because it would do a lot of the work. Only to fast forward and realize it just raised society’s standards of the work they expected from you, causing you to ironically work more; not less. And with the emergence of A.I., hopefully we don’t repeat the same mistake.
People naturally want what’s best for them. But, if you were raised to constantly need to improve and do more, then any activity you do, can be turned into two to three activities. Maximizing your time doing one activity, while learning another (e.g. second screen viewing — which can be beneficial, but detrimental when you feel you have to do it and/or avoiding boredom). With the abundance and ease of access to learning, addiction to productivity causes you to demonize downtime: “Why just go for a walk? Why just lay in bed? I should be making money or learning something useful.”
Productivity addiction can justify doing less hobbies you enjoy, because they’re not making money. This can ironically make you less productive. You’re burned out, but you feel lazy because you don’t want to work all of the time; but can’t justify fun… so you do nothing as a compromise. This reduces the quality of your life, which then fuels other negative addictions to fill the void. And, if you don’t take a break from working, then your body will do it for you.
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7. Comparing Yourself to Others and Should
When you compare yourself, you should all over yourself. “I should do this and be different,” or, “I shouldn’t have done that.” Shoulds leave you either feeling shame or resentment. If you force yourself to do what you think you should, then you sacrifice yourself, and so you feel resentment. But if you don’t do it, then you feel guilty, shame and regret. You can’t win.
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8. Limerence, One-Sided and Parasocial Relationships
You’re addicted to people who don’t care about you. You keep holding on to people whose behavior makes it clear they’re not interested in a mutually satisfying relationship (romantic or friendship). This can be celebrities, K-Pop idols, streamers, influences and/or a situationship you’ve put your life on hold for years waiting and hoping for it to become something more.
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You Didn’t Waste Your Life — There’s Still Hope

Robert Downey Jr.'s life was a disaster for years (alcohol and drug addiction, arrested, etc.) before he decided to turn it around (and iconically become Iron Man). His pain and experiences were fuel to become the actor and inspirational person that he is today. His quotes:

• “Remember that just because you hit the bottom doesn't mean you have to stay there.”
• “It’s easy to embrace hopelessness when things seem insurmountable. And yet, it’s actually just a matter of time until all of the elements come together for things to be alright. I mean, I believe that most difficult situations will resolve themselves if you are persistent and if you don’t give up entirely. And that’s what I never did; I never gave up.”

Although it may not seem like it right now, everything you have lived can be used to make you stronger, wiser, healthier and happier. Your potential has increased at least tenfold because of your “wasted” experiences. Think of it like you’re a rubber band on a slingshot; and the further back you stretched into the darkness, as you let go of limiting beliefs, you propel yourself forward that much farther into the light.
I can’t wait for you to begin seeing what you’re truly capable of in the months and years to come. When you finally stop beating up on yourself for the very past that will propel you into becoming the more compassionate, understanding, supportive, appreciative, creative, productive and fulfilled person that you want to be.
~ BFree
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Share your thoughts: What’s one step you’re going to do to let go of negative addictions and start allowing more empowering positive addictions?
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Hey there!
Imagine this: crushing deadlines while soaking up sunshine on a beach or mountains.
That's the dream life for this 31-year-old marketing whiz! But hold on, there's more to me than meets the eye.
I'm a self-proclaimed "agnostic adventurer" who's happily "child-free" – extra chaos isn't my thing. Besides, the world itself is a giant adventure, and more vacation gelato means more happiness, right? Don't be fooled by my average build though. I'm a gym rat with a secret weapon – a surprisingly toned physique that might be handy for that perfect waterfall photo op.
Myers-Briggs says I'm an INFJ-A/T (think introverted bookworm who secretly fixes things with duct tape). But trust me, I can hold my own in a conversation, especially about food! I'm a certified foodie on a quest to devour every delicious corner of the globe. From melt-in-your-mouth tacos to steaming curries, no cuisine is safe from my taste buds.
When I'm not busy conquering deadlines or taste buds, you'll find me geeking out over F1 races, hitting the gym, or getting lost in a captivating book. Movie marathons and board game nights are my jam (warning: I'm a strategic mastermind!), but I'm also a champion cuddler (absolutely no pressure if that's not your thing). Recharging for adventures is important, so catching up on sleep is a must – gotta be well-rested to explore hidden alleys and charming cafes, right?
Here's the real kicker: I'm not just looking for a travel buddy. I crave a deep connection with someone who can have stimulating conversations that leave us wanting more, way more than that leftover pizza in the fridge. Bonus points if you're DINK and FIRE savvy – we can be an unstoppable team, taking the world by storm (or at least enjoying delicious meals in every corner of it)!
So, if you're up for an adventure, send me a message!
We can grab a delicious meal, explore a scenic spot, or just chat for hours. Let's create memories that are more unforgettable than that time we tried that funky new fusion restaurant (let's just say the dessert was the only highlight!).

Because when those bad days hit, you realize that you may have forgotten just what they felt like.
Appreciate the good ones, really.
I hope you are all doing well.
I really am. I wasn't but it is about over. Some good food and relaxing today and I'll be back to normal.
Be safe everyone. BTW in the past I never could have gone a year. No matter your treatment status, keep trying to make progress.

TLDR: How to determine whether a food is safe to eat or not, especially when you have anxiety and health issues that increases the potential for food poisoning, so you don't cause food waste.
I have ocd and I also have vitamin deficiencies that damage my immune system to some extent (confirmed by my doctor and a nutritionist). I may or may not be immune compromised, but in my experience, these days I take longer to recover from diseases than I used to and I tend to get sick more often than others around me. I'm trying to fix these deficiencies with supplements and dietary changes but I've only now realized the importance of this so I won't be fully recovered for another few months. In the meantime, I am very careful about what I eat as I figure I'm more susceptible to food poisoning. If I see a strange colored speck on something, I have literally thrown things out before. I feel awful. I know food waste is destroying the planet and impacting vulnerable folks. 1) what do other folks in my situation do to determine whether a food is safe to consume or not, 2) how much harm is the amount of food waste I'm tossing causing, it's not like I throw out stuff every day but once a week or so I will toss a large amount of food, 3) what other steps can I take to diminish the harm I am causing. There are unfortunately no compost places in my city.

Went out for a wonderful dinner last night. Had a delicious filet mignon with scalloped potatos and onion rings. Was served dinner at 7pm. Didn’t get all of the left overs into the fridge until 8:50pm. Wasn’t a hot day (about 75 degrees out). Should this food still be safe to consume the left overs tonight? Or don’t chance it? I know it’s 10 minutes shy of the recommended 2 hour window.

Hi all! Looking for some advice. This has come up a few times recently and I’m never quite sure how to handle it.
I have an almost 4 year old son. He has a lot of other close adults in his life who also have children (aunts, uncles, my very close lifelong friends), some children the same age as him, some have older children.
It has happened a few times lately that one of them will say something to him that I don’t agree with. I know they don’t think it’s a big deal, and they mean well, but it’s just not a message I would want instilled in him necessarily.
Examples:
Hanging with my lifelong friend and her 4 year old daughter. My son told the friend that her daughter was climbing on something she shouldn’t be climbing on and it’s not safe. The friend told him “hey, we don’t tattle on each other. If I see her, then I’ll tell her to stop. But we don’t tattle”. I disagree with this, as he was worried about his friend getting hurt. Also, want my kid to feel free to tell a trusted adult whatever he needs to tell them. We can handle the “tattle tale” conversation maybe if it’s an issue when he’s older.
Same lifelong friends husband told my son he couldn’t eat chicken fingers with his hand and that all food should be eaten with a fork. This is a rule they make their 4 year old follow. I, however, think some food is fine to be eaten with your hands.
Hanging with my uncle, who has children that are now adults. He put some mashed potatoes on my sons plate. My son despises mashed potatoes lol. My uncle doesn’t know he doesn’t like them. He doesn’t eat them and my uncle says hey you need to eat all the food. No, he doesn’t. As I know he doesn’t like them AT ALL. Which I then told my uncle. And he just kept saying he needed to eat all the food on his plate.
These are just the most recent of several examples. I’m a very hands on, involved parent. My child is not lacking in rules or discipline. It just seems that people MUST voice their opinions. That’s fine to an adult, but don’t tell my child. I can handle it.
How do you handle other people trying to “parent” your kid?