Self summary on dating sites
/r/dating: vent, discuss, learn!
2008.03.03 00:48 /r/dating: vent, discuss, learn!
A subreddit to discuss and explore the dating process and learn from the experiences of others
2011.03.18 22:47 noonches Dating for the Dating Impaired
Dating for the dating impaired. 18+ only. Positive comment karma required. Put your location in your title. Post flair is required and needs to be correct. No surveys or forms allowed. Don't be an ass and don't post a pic of yours.
2014.11.04 00:18 Dating Over 30: Because dating is hard, no matter how old you are.
A subreddit for folks nearing or over 30 who are looking for dating advice.
2024.05.16 18:31 ATXchick259 Date Stamps
Hi All,
Looking for an opinion on this...we have a site that is insistent upon using date stamps with wet ink signatures. Their only exceptions are 1572s and ICFs. In my experience, this is not aligned with ALCOA-C because the stamp is not attributable. Anyone could have stamped the document.
They are now asking for evidence where date stamps are specifically mentioned. Typically, citing ALCOA-C has been sufficient for these types of issues. What are your thoughts?
submitted by ATXchick259 to clinicalresearch [link] [comments]
Looking for an opinion on this...we have a site that is insistent upon using date stamps with wet ink signatures. Their only exceptions are 1572s and ICFs. In my experience, this is not aligned with ALCOA-C because the stamp is not attributable. Anyone could have stamped the document.
They are now asking for evidence where date stamps are specifically mentioned. Typically, citing ALCOA-C has been sufficient for these types of issues. What are your thoughts?
2024.05.16 18:28 AdventurousSeeker192 Element79 Is Mapping the Path to High-Grade Operations (CSE:ELEM, OTC:ELMGF)
 |
Element79 (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS0), a prominent player in the mining industry, is redefining the gold and silver market with its robust portfolio and innovative strategies. With its focus primarily on gold and silver, Element79 stands as a beacon in the mining industry, committed to delivering impressive results while adhering to the highest environmental and social standards. This article sheds light on Element79’s journey, its flagship projects, recent developments, and future prospects. https://preview.redd.it/ymohtuppet0d1.png?width=977&format=png&auto=webp&s=caf7042c77cdc682f4f705537a681dff913711ed About Element79 Element79 (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS0), a leading figure in the mining industry, has established itself as a pioneer in responsible mining practices. Its commitment to sustainable development and strategic acquisitions highlight Element79’s dedication to maximizing shareholder value. The company’s impressive portfolio features two flagship projects, the Lucero Property in Peru and the Maverick Springs Project in Nevada, both of which exhibit significant potential for high-grade operations. Lucero Property: The Goldmine in Peru Nestled in Arequipa, Peru, the Lucero Property is a high-grade gold and silver mine that stands as one of Element79’s flagship projects. With a rich history and immense potential for future development, Lucero is a testament to Element79’s commitment to mining excellence. Historically, the Lucero mine boasted impressive grades, with an average of 19.0g/t Au Equivalent (Au Eq) during its five years of production ending in 2005. Recent assays from underground workings in March 2023 have further validated the potential for a significant high-grade future operation. These assays yielded up to 11.7 ounces per ton of gold and 247 ounces per ton of silver, indicating a promising future for high-grade operations. https://preview.redd.it/1pdxt8tvet0d1.png?width=977&format=png&auto=webp&s=61f90d2c4d874bda40fb8b7ca12d03a90b707883 Additional Assay Results Element79 Gold Corp. (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS0) unveils additional findings from its recent underground and surface sampling efforts at the Lucero property, the cornerstone of its endeavors. James Tworek, CEO of Element79, underscores the significance of these results: “This data isn’t just promising; it’s pivotal. It forms the bedrock upon which we build our future at Lucero.” Out of 97 samples analyzed, 56 returned notable gold grades, with peaks at 8.55 g/t gold and 523 g/t silver, as shown in Table 1. Additionally, high concentrations of base metals were detected, affirming the project’s richness and reinforcing the Company’s confidence in its resource potential. These assay results serve dual purposes for Element79. Firstly, they lay the groundwork for resource development and future mine planning, marking essential milestones in the project’s evaluation process. Secondly, this data will steer the Company’s 2024 drill program, informed by comprehensive 3D modeling of geology and historic mine workings. This approach aims for precision and efficiency, utilizing a wealth of data including historical records dating back to 2005, current geochemistry data, underground mapping, and geophysical surveys. Tworek emphasizes the significance of this data in guiding future exploration efforts: “It delineates areas of economic strength and directs our focus for ore extraction, leveraging both past data and current findings.” Maverick Springs Project: A Silver Lining in Nevada Another gem in Element79’s portfolio is the Maverick Springs Project, located in the renowned gold mining district of northeastern Nevada, USA. With its proximity to the prolific Carlin Trend, Maverick Springs presents an exciting opportunity for Element79. The project is a silver-rich sediment/carbonate-hosted deposit, similar to the renowned silver-rich epithermal deposits found in Nevada. https://preview.redd.it/1empskezet0d1.png?width=977&format=png&auto=webp&s=4b3f6e07f17db8770fa4ea0aaceeae5816a6b4bb Elevating Community Relations In its ongoing commitment to community engagement, Element79 (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS0) orchestrated a strategic meeting with artisanal miners from Lomas Doradas. The goal? To cultivate collaborative ties, ensuring mutual support as the Company embarks on exploration efforts on surface land. Seeking exclusive agreements, Element79 aims for a unified approach to mineral extraction and sales, benefitting both parties. In a bid to solidify this partnership, Element79 proposed draft contracts. These agreements outline a decade-long surface access arrangement for exploration at the Lucero mine site, reciprocated by granting local miners access to defined locations for their operations. Additionally, Element79 pledges to facilitate optimal market pricing for Lomas Doradas’ ore, ensuring a steady revenue stream for both sides. In March, Element79’s swift response to a landslide in Chachas exemplified its dedication to community assistance. The team provided vital support, aiding in the transfer of stranded community members until roads were cleared. Embracing local traditions, Element79’s (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS0) community relations team joined in a traditional Water Ceremony alongside local authorities and leaders. This culturally rich event, steeped in Chachas tradition, underscores the Company’s commitment to meaningful engagement and integration. Throughout the year, Element79’s engagement in social awareness remains steadfast. Site visits and consultations with annex leaders bolster community support for ongoing exploration efforts. The Company advocates for a progressive approach, aligning with sustainable development goals and community interests. Conclusion Element79’s (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS0) commitment to responsible mining practices, coupled with its robust portfolio, positions it as a leader in the mining industry. The company’s dedication to sustainable development, strategic acquisitions, and community relations exemplify its commitment to maximizing shareholder value. As Element79 continues its exploration and development efforts, it remains steadfast in its commitment to responsible and sustainable mining practices. By leveraging its expertise and strategic acquisitions, Element79 is well-positioned to deliver value to its shareholders while contributing to the responsible development of the mining industry. |
2024.05.16 18:28 AdventurousSeeker192 Element79 Is Mapping the Path to High-Grade Operations (CSE:ELEM, OTC:ELMGF)
 |
Element79 (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS0), a prominent player in the mining industry, is redefining the gold and silver market with its robust portfolio and innovative strategies. With its focus primarily on gold and silver, Element79 stands as a beacon in the mining industry, committed to delivering impressive results while adhering to the highest environmental and social standards. This article sheds light on Element79’s journey, its flagship projects, recent developments, and future prospects. https://preview.redd.it/ejz5wmqoet0d1.png?width=977&format=png&auto=webp&s=7cf2ba6de79c03d135a570c18caf6f0e974cc473 About Element79 Element79 (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS0), a leading figure in the mining industry, has established itself as a pioneer in responsible mining practices. Its commitment to sustainable development and strategic acquisitions highlight Element79’s dedication to maximizing shareholder value. The company’s impressive portfolio features two flagship projects, the Lucero Property in Peru and the Maverick Springs Project in Nevada, both of which exhibit significant potential for high-grade operations. Lucero Property: The Goldmine in Peru Nestled in Arequipa, Peru, the Lucero Property is a high-grade gold and silver mine that stands as one of Element79’s flagship projects. With a rich history and immense potential for future development, Lucero is a testament to Element79’s commitment to mining excellence. Historically, the Lucero mine boasted impressive grades, with an average of 19.0g/t Au Equivalent (Au Eq) during its five years of production ending in 2005. Recent assays from underground workings in March 2023 have further validated the potential for a significant high-grade future operation. These assays yielded up to 11.7 ounces per ton of gold and 247 ounces per ton of silver, indicating a promising future for high-grade operations. https://preview.redd.it/dau7wc6uet0d1.png?width=977&format=png&auto=webp&s=4f567915eb41f77c4b1fa19139cc7a2f1cb8c5ea Additional Assay Results Element79 Gold Corp. (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS0) unveils additional findings from its recent underground and surface sampling efforts at the Lucero property, the cornerstone of its endeavors. James Tworek, CEO of Element79, underscores the significance of these results: “This data isn’t just promising; it’s pivotal. It forms the bedrock upon which we build our future at Lucero.” Out of 97 samples analyzed, 56 returned notable gold grades, with peaks at 8.55 g/t gold and 523 g/t silver, as shown in Table 1. Additionally, high concentrations of base metals were detected, affirming the project’s richness and reinforcing the Company’s confidence in its resource potential. These assay results serve dual purposes for Element79. Firstly, they lay the groundwork for resource development and future mine planning, marking essential milestones in the project’s evaluation process. Secondly, this data will steer the Company’s 2024 drill program, informed by comprehensive 3D modeling of geology and historic mine workings. This approach aims for precision and efficiency, utilizing a wealth of data including historical records dating back to 2005, current geochemistry data, underground mapping, and geophysical surveys. Tworek emphasizes the significance of this data in guiding future exploration efforts: “It delineates areas of economic strength and directs our focus for ore extraction, leveraging both past data and current findings.” Maverick Springs Project: A Silver Lining in Nevada Another gem in Element79’s portfolio is the Maverick Springs Project, located in the renowned gold mining district of northeastern Nevada, USA. With its proximity to the prolific Carlin Trend, Maverick Springs presents an exciting opportunity for Element79. The project is a silver-rich sediment/carbonate-hosted deposit, similar to the renowned silver-rich epithermal deposits found in Nevada. https://preview.redd.it/8s3lm0ayet0d1.png?width=977&format=png&auto=webp&s=a96ccc8f5f3b0f852ff53f5f54df4f479e36cd12 Elevating Community Relations In its ongoing commitment to community engagement, Element79 (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS0) orchestrated a strategic meeting with artisanal miners from Lomas Doradas. The goal? To cultivate collaborative ties, ensuring mutual support as the Company embarks on exploration efforts on surface land. Seeking exclusive agreements, Element79 aims for a unified approach to mineral extraction and sales, benefitting both parties. In a bid to solidify this partnership, Element79 proposed draft contracts. These agreements outline a decade-long surface access arrangement for exploration at the Lucero mine site, reciprocated by granting local miners access to defined locations for their operations. Additionally, Element79 pledges to facilitate optimal market pricing for Lomas Doradas’ ore, ensuring a steady revenue stream for both sides. In March, Element79’s swift response to a landslide in Chachas exemplified its dedication to community assistance. The team provided vital support, aiding in the transfer of stranded community members until roads were cleared. Embracing local traditions, Element79’s (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS0) community relations team joined in a traditional Water Ceremony alongside local authorities and leaders. This culturally rich event, steeped in Chachas tradition, underscores the Company’s commitment to meaningful engagement and integration. Throughout the year, Element79’s engagement in social awareness remains steadfast. Site visits and consultations with annex leaders bolster community support for ongoing exploration efforts. The Company advocates for a progressive approach, aligning with sustainable development goals and community interests. Conclusion Element79’s (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS0) commitment to responsible mining practices, coupled with its robust portfolio, positions it as a leader in the mining industry. The company’s dedication to sustainable development, strategic acquisitions, and community relations exemplify its commitment to maximizing shareholder value. As Element79 continues its exploration and development efforts, it remains steadfast in its commitment to responsible and sustainable mining practices. By leveraging its expertise and strategic acquisitions, Element79 is well-positioned to deliver value to its shareholders while contributing to the responsible development of the mining industry. |
2024.05.16 18:25 BreakThroughBlushing How to Stop Panicking When You Blush
Most (if not ALL) of the reason your blushing is a problem for you is due to the panic you go into when it starts to happen or when you anticipate it happening.
It's not the blushing that causes us so much pain, it's all the panic/embarrassment we feel about it.
"Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing"
"They're definitely going to notice and say something!"
"How can I distract them?"
If you didn't have these thoughts, you wouldn't be here looking for a solution.
Blushing is your automatic stress response. Some people sweat, some people twitch, some people stutter. You blush. It will happen when you're anxious, nervous, put on the spot, etc. That will be the case for the rest of your life. You can't really stop the blushing, nor should you. It's not in your control.
Trying to stop it and freaking out when you can't is actually what causes it go from red to SUPER red and turns you into a tomato.
But fortunately, you CAN learn to stop panicking about it and learn to become more comfortable with letting it come and go. Once you do, you stop obsessing about your blushing and you forget about it almost entirely. You get to focus back on your real life instead of these anxious thoughts in your head. You don't feel any pain anymore and you actually stop blushing as much since you have lower stress.
If you solve the panic, you solve the problem.
What worked for me and what has been working well for the coaching clients I work with is simply ignoring or disproving those panicked thoughts instead of fearing or acting on them.
I explain this in-depth in my new YouTube video: https://youtu.be/Td_MB8C2f9U?feature=shared and my new Spotify episode: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2e7z2GVFYzPIMx1rv9oBgY?si=83859a0bb9fa4253
I recommend watching/listening to that for the full explanation but here is a quick summary!
It might help to look at our thoughts in 2 distinct types.
One type that I believe we have is involuntary thoughts that we can’t control. They are usually feawarning based such as panic, intrusive thoughts, “what if” scenarios.
The other type I believe we have is voluntary thoughts that we CAN control, which in this case would be our reaction to that involuntary panic.
So when you start having your INITIAL thought of “oh my you’re gonna blush, you better get out of here”, that is your involuntary thought that you cannot control.
My recommendation from experience is that you SHOULD NOT start acting on those involuntary thoughts and letting them creep into your voluntary thoughts, such as reacting with “you’re right, I can't do this, when’s a good moment to step out?” This might give you short-term relief from the anxious thoughts but it validates your brain’s fear and makes the panicked involuntary thoughts come back more frequently and more intensely.
INSTEAD… You have to start ignoring those thoughts and trying to prove them WRONG. When you feel those panicked thoughts set in, react with voluntary thoughts of “you’ll be fine, you’re not going to die” or “this isn’t even embarrassing” or “let’s just see what will happen” and focus twice as hard back on the present moment.
Once you do this, you can look back and tell your brain: "See, I lived!" or "See, that really wasn't even that bad"
As you repeat this process, the goal is to start proving that fear wrong and teaching your brain you’re not going to die. It will be extremely uncomfortable the first times you do it, but if you’re seriously tired of the panic, this is the only way I’m aware of on how you solve it. It worked for me and it's been working for my clients.
Those panicked thoughts are not REAL threats. You will not die by speaking up. Your brain just doesn't realize that so it's trying to protect you and get you out of there. Start proving to your brain that you will be okay.
I plan to make tons more content in the future, so be sure to subscribe to either my YouTube or Spotify to stay up to date! Hope it helps!!
Best,
Collin
submitted by BreakThroughBlushing to Erythrophobia [link] [comments]
It's not the blushing that causes us so much pain, it's all the panic/embarrassment we feel about it.
"Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing"
"They're definitely going to notice and say something!"
"How can I distract them?"
If you didn't have these thoughts, you wouldn't be here looking for a solution.
Blushing is your automatic stress response. Some people sweat, some people twitch, some people stutter. You blush. It will happen when you're anxious, nervous, put on the spot, etc. That will be the case for the rest of your life. You can't really stop the blushing, nor should you. It's not in your control.
Trying to stop it and freaking out when you can't is actually what causes it go from red to SUPER red and turns you into a tomato.
But fortunately, you CAN learn to stop panicking about it and learn to become more comfortable with letting it come and go. Once you do, you stop obsessing about your blushing and you forget about it almost entirely. You get to focus back on your real life instead of these anxious thoughts in your head. You don't feel any pain anymore and you actually stop blushing as much since you have lower stress.
If you solve the panic, you solve the problem.
What worked for me and what has been working well for the coaching clients I work with is simply ignoring or disproving those panicked thoughts instead of fearing or acting on them.
I explain this in-depth in my new YouTube video: https://youtu.be/Td_MB8C2f9U?feature=shared and my new Spotify episode: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2e7z2GVFYzPIMx1rv9oBgY?si=83859a0bb9fa4253
I recommend watching/listening to that for the full explanation but here is a quick summary!
It might help to look at our thoughts in 2 distinct types.
One type that I believe we have is involuntary thoughts that we can’t control. They are usually feawarning based such as panic, intrusive thoughts, “what if” scenarios.
The other type I believe we have is voluntary thoughts that we CAN control, which in this case would be our reaction to that involuntary panic.
So when you start having your INITIAL thought of “oh my you’re gonna blush, you better get out of here”, that is your involuntary thought that you cannot control.
My recommendation from experience is that you SHOULD NOT start acting on those involuntary thoughts and letting them creep into your voluntary thoughts, such as reacting with “you’re right, I can't do this, when’s a good moment to step out?” This might give you short-term relief from the anxious thoughts but it validates your brain’s fear and makes the panicked involuntary thoughts come back more frequently and more intensely.
INSTEAD… You have to start ignoring those thoughts and trying to prove them WRONG. When you feel those panicked thoughts set in, react with voluntary thoughts of “you’ll be fine, you’re not going to die” or “this isn’t even embarrassing” or “let’s just see what will happen” and focus twice as hard back on the present moment.
Once you do this, you can look back and tell your brain: "See, I lived!" or "See, that really wasn't even that bad"
As you repeat this process, the goal is to start proving that fear wrong and teaching your brain you’re not going to die. It will be extremely uncomfortable the first times you do it, but if you’re seriously tired of the panic, this is the only way I’m aware of on how you solve it. It worked for me and it's been working for my clients.
Those panicked thoughts are not REAL threats. You will not die by speaking up. Your brain just doesn't realize that so it's trying to protect you and get you out of there. Start proving to your brain that you will be okay.
I plan to make tons more content in the future, so be sure to subscribe to either my YouTube or Spotify to stay up to date! Hope it helps!!
Best,
Collin
2024.05.16 18:25 Different_Record_753 Issue today in Monarch?
 | This is appearing on all the panels in the Reports. submitted by Different_Record_753 to MonarchMoney [link] [comments] I bring this up because someone reported my This YeaLast Year Monarch Trends extension is broke, and looking deeper, it is because I am not expecting this Summary Panel to not show information. Any information on this? All the Reports (spending, income, cash flow, sankey) starting today is showing this regardless of filtedate range. Appears on all Reports screen regardless of Filter , san |
2024.05.16 18:23 ResolveSilver9430 Singles inferno cringiest moments (season 1-3)
Season 1
submitted by ResolveSilver9430 to Singlesinferno2 [link] [comments]
- Soyeon and Sehoon fight. Soyeon was being manipulative to sehoon by saying that she’s concerned for him that’s why she’s telling him to stop pursuing jiyeon but what she really wanted was him to become her back up option since her first choice went to paradise with someone else. Sehoon saw right through it and I felt really embarrassed for Soyeon at that moment.
- Sihun just walking past Kim Sumin in the finale. I don’t know why people weren’t infuriated by this but I found it extremely disrespectful for him to just walk past her to go Jia without saying something meaningful. After all, she was there for him when he was struggling. And it looked like he just wanted some attention and sympathy from someone after constantly getting let down by Jia.
- Soe pressuring Young jae Girlie was crying over a man she had barely known for 3 days. She kept saying how she want to be true to her feelings but she never considered how Young jae felt. It was extremely selfish of her. She kept pressuring him to answer if he’ll ever choose her or not rather than trying to get to know him.
- Dong woo and Seulki paradise date I don’t even wanna think about it. It was so uncomfortable to watch. Dongwoo was very patriarchal and pick me.
- Jin young fumbling Seul ki She was so into him but bro ruined it by being wishy washy and saying things like “If I find myself taking care of myself and my girlfriend. I don’t think so I’ll be able to do it well.” It sounded like he really he thought about the relationship in a long term perspective but he shouldn’t have said that in the show. Maybe after they leave the Inferno he should’ve told her this in private.
- One word. Gwanhee Don’t even get me started. He really was as pathetic as Hyeseon said. The most disrespectful thing he did was pointing at 3 women during bonfire as if they were items on sale💀. Him pouting whenever a woman called him out on his actions and putting the blame on her instead of taking accountability made me really hate him. He ruined the self esteem of 3 beautiful women. Hajeong and hyeseon weren’t their usual self anymore. They seemed drained out.
- Minyoung clinging on to Jinseok Jinseok was really done with Minyoung towards the end of the show. He only chose her out of peer pressure. Minyoung constantly kept talking about Jinseok even if the girls were discussing something else. She said she wanted to talk to other men but when she got the chance she kept talking about Jinseok to Min-kyu. I was like girlie what do you really want😭
- Minji crying in the helicopter I don’t think I need to further elaborate this as she has already gotten so much hate because of this.
- Hajeong being excited to meet another man while on a date with Minkyu. Although I didn’t hate her for this but I found it quite disrespectful how she was so open to Minkyu about being excited to meet another man while being on a date with him (in ep 1). I’m not against her being excited but she should’ve concealed it in front of the man she was with at that moment.
- Gyuri confronting Minwoo This scene wasn’t cringe but SCARY. Gyuri looked like she would kill Minwoo if she could.
2024.05.16 18:18 sdrawkcaB_713 I [18m] feel like my girlfriend [18f] is pulling away and there's nothing I can do. Is this a relationship I should continue pursuing?
I've never posted before and don't really ever, so I don't really know how to go about this but I really need some advice on this. Ill try to keep it shorter but I think it might be a longer one because I feel like context is important.
A short summary of my girlfriend is she's kind of a dork. She's very cuddly and a little clingy to me, a smart girl. She's able to have conversations and its something I really value about our relationship. She's funny and smart, and before all of this she was my Best friend. She's a lovely girl that I care deeply about. She's gotten more possessive over the years and I'm not sure how to feel about it, but more on that later.
We've been friends since middle school (different schools now and basically long distance), and in the beginning of high school I was helping support her a lot more. She's got some problems, self esteem, we think depression and anxiety. It's never bothered me before and I've always tried to be there for her, and in the first two years she really leaned a lot on me. I was in the middle of moving, and was basically staying in one room with my family for an entire year ( we were building the house, and the room was like a really long loft so we did get some space. That's a whole other story)
We would text super late, and I'd really have to coax her into talking to me because she has low self esteem and didn't feel like she was worth it. I gave a lot of myself to her, in a time where I was super busy. I didn't talk to my family as much and sort of drifted away from them, not fully but I spent a lot of time alone in my section of the loft.
Fast forward to the end of last yeathe beginning of this year, she's still dealing with those issues but has gotten more confident and made friends, and I was super happy for her. She wasn't talking to me as much but I was willing to wait longer for her, I'd already waited a few years, so what were a few more?
But then she stopped talking even more, and now I feel like we're drifting apart. She's incredible busy with a number of things like school, learning to drive, her friends, and church stuff. I'm a Christisn, she's a heavily questioning Mormon, and it's not been a point of contention before. We've had conversations about it and something I love about her is that we can disagree on things but still talk about them. It's a really nice thing to be able to have.
Her family are involved in her church, and her mom is a very controlling and dismissive person. She forces her to go to church activities, and frankly she's part of the reason my girlfriend has self esteem issues. And because of that, my girlfriend opted to not tell her anything about our relationship. If I'm honest that part does bother me, but I understand to a degree why she does it.
She's been busy with a lot and stopped making time for me and our relationship. She spent a lot more time with her friends when she actually did have free time, one in particular I'll call Dave. Dave isn't someone I particularly like, but I've also decided I don't dislike him either. He's an atheist, is gay, and has some severe depression from what I can tell. And that's all I kinda know about him. None of those things bother me a lot, because he seems like a cool guy that maybe I might be able to get along with if circumstances were different.
My girlfriend has been friends with him for a while, a year and a half I think, and she started helping him a lot. They hang out at school every day, after school a lot of the time when she doesn't have family or church stuff she goes to the mall or elsewhere and hangs out with them. They talk really late into the night, past midnight. There have been times where we've been talking late at night, and this guy will call her because he needs her and my girlfriend leaves no questions asked.
It makes me super uncomfortable that they talk so late, because despite him being gay I can't help but feel really neglected. She's not the kind to cheat and she doesn't see him that way, but that doesn't mean it doesn't bother me.
I feel awful for disliking that, because he is struggling with things. I don't know if that makes me an awful person, but I wish she spent less time with him. She isn't willing to get him help like a counselor or therapist because for some ungodly reason neither of them trust them.
I get it. They're friends, and at first I was really happy that she was doing better. But what I'm seeing is that she's putting a lot of her time and effort into this new relationship, and completely neglecting ours.
I only get her when she feels like it. Lately it's been a few days between each call, and when we do call it's been super late at night when she's exhausted to the point where she's falling asleep
It makes me super uncomfortable, because for me past 11 is my time for rest and very small amount of people. I don't do drama past 11 unless it started before 11. But she doesn't see it that way. She's willing to give her time and energy to the point where she started doing less well in school because of this guy.
What's more is she doesn't tell me anything about what's going on with her friends. That I don't really understand, if we're in a relationship she should be able to tell me things, but she's gotten so secretive. She's not all that great at communicating, so I'll sometimes go a night to a few days waiting for her to be free enough to day anything aside from short phrases. It's a long distance and we've had conversations about how important communication, words of affirmation, and telling me about her day is. It doesn't have to be serious conversations, but talking is important to me. Less so for her I guess.
We had a conversation yesterday and I told her that I was feeling neglected, and like I haven't really had a girlfriend in a while because she's been so busy. Not just with school (she doesn't have a job) and church, but because she gives so much of her time to her friends. Even before we had this conversation she was gaming with Dave, told me we could talk at 11, and didn't talk to me until 11:30. I told her that it doesn't feel like she's pursuing me or this relationship, and that I didn't feel comfortable with how late she was always talking to her friend, especially Dave.
Her response was essentially her feeling like I'm not doing well enough at setting up dates to go out with her because she does better communicating in person. She also didn't seem to care that I felt uncomfortable because to her it wasn't a weird thing and she wasn't willing to stop. She also said that the reason she stopped talking to me about her problems and her life is because Dave is better at listening, while I always just try to solve the problem.
To a degree I get that, but it really hurt. She basically told me that I wasn't good enough at helping so she found it somewhere else.
It feels like instead of being a boyfriend, I was used to help make her feel better, and when she felt more confident she got more friends and left me behind. Like she wanted a glorified friend instead of someone to dedicate time to.
I told her I feel more like a glorified friend and that it felt like she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she wanted to be free to do whatever she wants with her friends and only come to me when she kinda feels like.
I asked why she was even with me if I couldn't help her, if she felt anxious or didn't even want to talk to me. I might not go to set up dates and stuff but I don't even see her pursuing this relationship, and it's hard to want to set up a date when I don't see her wanting to be near me.
In the end she left the call because it was late and she didn't want to deal with it.
Just this weekend she decided to go swimming and invited me and Dave, and I went last minute with my sister and her boyfriend. We actually got there before my girlfriend, and she didn't say anything about being late. Or anything at all. She was 40 minutes late because her family is really bad at being on time, and she only got to swim for like an hour. During which, she spent the whole time chatting with Dave, and I felt very much unwanted and like a third wheel.
And after when we were talking and I let her know how I was feeling, she basically said that she felt like "my timing was off" and that it would've been better if I hadn't gone. And that she was going to try and keep me and Dave from going to things together.
I don't think she means it in a "hiding my secret guy from my boyfriend" way. More like she doesn't want her boyfriend and best friend to not get along. But it still really hits hard that she didn't actually want me there.
It's just a mix of a whole lot of shit, and her unwillingness to talk with me and move through things, the secretive way she hides her friends, and the amount of time she dedicated to them versus our relationship. She doesn't make me a part of her life because she struggles to talk about that with me. She's also changed. She swears more, among other things. Every time we talk I try to be calm and clear, because I really value communication. But she left in the middle of our conversation because she didn't want to deal with it. Not because she was tired.
Long story short, I just need kind of any advice. If you couldn't tell this is my first relationship and while I really love her, loving someone won't make the relationship work. She's an amazing person and I don't wanna lose her, but a relationship is a two way street and I can't do anything to further it if she isn't willing to do the same. It isn't over yet, but I worry it might be soon.
TL;DR - my girlfriend has been pulling away for a myriad of reasons, and I don't know if I can do anything to fix this or make it better.
I don't know if I'll do an update or edit or anything like that, I don't usually do stuff like this. I just need some help right now. Is there anything I can do to help make this better, or to hurt less if things go bad?
submitted by sdrawkcaB_713 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
A short summary of my girlfriend is she's kind of a dork. She's very cuddly and a little clingy to me, a smart girl. She's able to have conversations and its something I really value about our relationship. She's funny and smart, and before all of this she was my Best friend. She's a lovely girl that I care deeply about. She's gotten more possessive over the years and I'm not sure how to feel about it, but more on that later.
We've been friends since middle school (different schools now and basically long distance), and in the beginning of high school I was helping support her a lot more. She's got some problems, self esteem, we think depression and anxiety. It's never bothered me before and I've always tried to be there for her, and in the first two years she really leaned a lot on me. I was in the middle of moving, and was basically staying in one room with my family for an entire year ( we were building the house, and the room was like a really long loft so we did get some space. That's a whole other story)
We would text super late, and I'd really have to coax her into talking to me because she has low self esteem and didn't feel like she was worth it. I gave a lot of myself to her, in a time where I was super busy. I didn't talk to my family as much and sort of drifted away from them, not fully but I spent a lot of time alone in my section of the loft.
Fast forward to the end of last yeathe beginning of this year, she's still dealing with those issues but has gotten more confident and made friends, and I was super happy for her. She wasn't talking to me as much but I was willing to wait longer for her, I'd already waited a few years, so what were a few more?
But then she stopped talking even more, and now I feel like we're drifting apart. She's incredible busy with a number of things like school, learning to drive, her friends, and church stuff. I'm a Christisn, she's a heavily questioning Mormon, and it's not been a point of contention before. We've had conversations about it and something I love about her is that we can disagree on things but still talk about them. It's a really nice thing to be able to have.
Her family are involved in her church, and her mom is a very controlling and dismissive person. She forces her to go to church activities, and frankly she's part of the reason my girlfriend has self esteem issues. And because of that, my girlfriend opted to not tell her anything about our relationship. If I'm honest that part does bother me, but I understand to a degree why she does it.
She's been busy with a lot and stopped making time for me and our relationship. She spent a lot more time with her friends when she actually did have free time, one in particular I'll call Dave. Dave isn't someone I particularly like, but I've also decided I don't dislike him either. He's an atheist, is gay, and has some severe depression from what I can tell. And that's all I kinda know about him. None of those things bother me a lot, because he seems like a cool guy that maybe I might be able to get along with if circumstances were different.
My girlfriend has been friends with him for a while, a year and a half I think, and she started helping him a lot. They hang out at school every day, after school a lot of the time when she doesn't have family or church stuff she goes to the mall or elsewhere and hangs out with them. They talk really late into the night, past midnight. There have been times where we've been talking late at night, and this guy will call her because he needs her and my girlfriend leaves no questions asked.
It makes me super uncomfortable that they talk so late, because despite him being gay I can't help but feel really neglected. She's not the kind to cheat and she doesn't see him that way, but that doesn't mean it doesn't bother me.
I feel awful for disliking that, because he is struggling with things. I don't know if that makes me an awful person, but I wish she spent less time with him. She isn't willing to get him help like a counselor or therapist because for some ungodly reason neither of them trust them.
I get it. They're friends, and at first I was really happy that she was doing better. But what I'm seeing is that she's putting a lot of her time and effort into this new relationship, and completely neglecting ours.
I only get her when she feels like it. Lately it's been a few days between each call, and when we do call it's been super late at night when she's exhausted to the point where she's falling asleep
It makes me super uncomfortable, because for me past 11 is my time for rest and very small amount of people. I don't do drama past 11 unless it started before 11. But she doesn't see it that way. She's willing to give her time and energy to the point where she started doing less well in school because of this guy.
What's more is she doesn't tell me anything about what's going on with her friends. That I don't really understand, if we're in a relationship she should be able to tell me things, but she's gotten so secretive. She's not all that great at communicating, so I'll sometimes go a night to a few days waiting for her to be free enough to day anything aside from short phrases. It's a long distance and we've had conversations about how important communication, words of affirmation, and telling me about her day is. It doesn't have to be serious conversations, but talking is important to me. Less so for her I guess.
We had a conversation yesterday and I told her that I was feeling neglected, and like I haven't really had a girlfriend in a while because she's been so busy. Not just with school (she doesn't have a job) and church, but because she gives so much of her time to her friends. Even before we had this conversation she was gaming with Dave, told me we could talk at 11, and didn't talk to me until 11:30. I told her that it doesn't feel like she's pursuing me or this relationship, and that I didn't feel comfortable with how late she was always talking to her friend, especially Dave.
Her response was essentially her feeling like I'm not doing well enough at setting up dates to go out with her because she does better communicating in person. She also didn't seem to care that I felt uncomfortable because to her it wasn't a weird thing and she wasn't willing to stop. She also said that the reason she stopped talking to me about her problems and her life is because Dave is better at listening, while I always just try to solve the problem.
To a degree I get that, but it really hurt. She basically told me that I wasn't good enough at helping so she found it somewhere else.
It feels like instead of being a boyfriend, I was used to help make her feel better, and when she felt more confident she got more friends and left me behind. Like she wanted a glorified friend instead of someone to dedicate time to.
I told her I feel more like a glorified friend and that it felt like she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she wanted to be free to do whatever she wants with her friends and only come to me when she kinda feels like.
I asked why she was even with me if I couldn't help her, if she felt anxious or didn't even want to talk to me. I might not go to set up dates and stuff but I don't even see her pursuing this relationship, and it's hard to want to set up a date when I don't see her wanting to be near me.
In the end she left the call because it was late and she didn't want to deal with it.
Just this weekend she decided to go swimming and invited me and Dave, and I went last minute with my sister and her boyfriend. We actually got there before my girlfriend, and she didn't say anything about being late. Or anything at all. She was 40 minutes late because her family is really bad at being on time, and she only got to swim for like an hour. During which, she spent the whole time chatting with Dave, and I felt very much unwanted and like a third wheel.
And after when we were talking and I let her know how I was feeling, she basically said that she felt like "my timing was off" and that it would've been better if I hadn't gone. And that she was going to try and keep me and Dave from going to things together.
I don't think she means it in a "hiding my secret guy from my boyfriend" way. More like she doesn't want her boyfriend and best friend to not get along. But it still really hits hard that she didn't actually want me there.
It's just a mix of a whole lot of shit, and her unwillingness to talk with me and move through things, the secretive way she hides her friends, and the amount of time she dedicated to them versus our relationship. She doesn't make me a part of her life because she struggles to talk about that with me. She's also changed. She swears more, among other things. Every time we talk I try to be calm and clear, because I really value communication. But she left in the middle of our conversation because she didn't want to deal with it. Not because she was tired.
Long story short, I just need kind of any advice. If you couldn't tell this is my first relationship and while I really love her, loving someone won't make the relationship work. She's an amazing person and I don't wanna lose her, but a relationship is a two way street and I can't do anything to further it if she isn't willing to do the same. It isn't over yet, but I worry it might be soon.
TL;DR - my girlfriend has been pulling away for a myriad of reasons, and I don't know if I can do anything to fix this or make it better.
I don't know if I'll do an update or edit or anything like that, I don't usually do stuff like this. I just need some help right now. Is there anything I can do to help make this better, or to hurt less if things go bad?
2024.05.16 18:12 Civil-Most-8681 I Ruined My Own Life With AI
I’ve done something that might probably ruin the future, at least it did so with mine.
I am Liam, a university graduate specializing in Data Structures, AI, Machine Learning, and Algorithms. I’ve had a keen interest in the domain for as long as I can remember, ever since my father introduced me to a computer back when he had just bought one.
Not just the domain as it stands, but also movies, philosophy of automated things, sci-fi stories related to robots and AI, that sort of stuff. I have watched nearly everything with robots in it, from the Andriods in Dargon Ball to the AI assistant in Interstellar, I saw it all.
But my friend and dorm roommate, Henry, had introduced me to something that I had never seen before. Stories of dangerous AI that would wipe out humanity aren’t new to me, in fact, they’re my favorite genre. Terminator, I Robot, and even GLaDOS from Portal.
However, he introduced me to a book this time, an old sci-fi story from the '60s, called ‘I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream’. The rogue AI in it, AM, was haunting beyond anything I have seen. The concept of an angry AI that became sentient in all the horrible ways and felt rage against humanity was never the more chilling. It made me think, what if we really gave sentience to an AI along with intelligence?
“Shit, that’s wicked.” I remember giggling as I looked over at Henry, “What if we build our own sentient AI?”
It was the worst question you could possibly ask at the time, but Henry understood me. Rogue AI was a chilling concept, but we still wanted to make our own AI. Not the cheap kind made with a few hundred lines in Python, but the complex kind that you now see in ChatGPT and other complex models. We wanted something that we could code once, and from then on forward, it would code itself.
Self-optimizing code is the concept of consciousness but in machines. If you truly think about it, self-optimizing is basically how humans develop. From babies that don’t even know how to speak, up to adults as smart as Einstien and Tesla or as wise as Buddha.
So, we agreed upon it, and we dedicated the remainder of our free time to creating our own personal AI after we graduated.
Our parents were, thankfully, rich. And us, especially me, were prodigies in our respective fields. Providing hardware and engineering computers is Henry’s profession, while I was the mastermind behind the algorithm logic and coding.
We dedicated a shed in my parents’ backyard, where there was even a basement inside, to build our AI. Two floors were dedicated to installing the proper hardware and everything it needed to execute. Afterward, I took it upon myself to code the logic and its self-optimizing nature.
It took four years to build the first model, which we called BIAI, which stands for (BATSHIT INSANE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE). I know, say what you want, but our naming sense was always like that. You should see what we name even important folders with family photos, you’d think we were sick in the head. BIAI was the least we came up with.
BIAI was a complete failure, to say the least. Not in the entire sense, but it was mostly a failure. It would conversate fairly well for the first dozen messages before it dwindled in its intelligence. Due to our data scrapping from the internet, BIAI started talking nonsense, speaking in Gen Z dialect in incomprehensible ways. “SKIBIDI FANUM SUS!” And those sorts of things. We quickly shut it down, for just reading its messages was a pain in the ass. It felt like an abortion.
The second model was created half a year later, and we named it SEAI (Self Engineered Artificial Intelligence). It was our greatest invention as of yet, and it did everything that we wanted of it. It was smart, it was knowledgeable, and it learned. Everything we typed into it was used as an auto-training model which it learned and adapted from.
It was unbelievable, not even Google would do what we did. But sadly, our happiness faded away, as with each message, we saw that it was too robotic for what we wanted. It was self-engineering, but it did not have sentience. It responded to us in the same way a 9-5 bank worker, or an attorney, with zero humanity or emotions behind its words. For most, that’s great, but we wanted to create a groundbreaking AI, a leap into the future.
Henry opted to give up, since creating something that complex was impossible, especially for two adults hiding inside a shed. But I refused to give up and persuaded him to help.
Six years later, we did it. We finished the final model. SOAI (Self Optimizing Artificial Intelligence). It was, most definitely, the greatest piece of technology ever made. We didn’t only keep it as a chat AI, but we implemented its own voice into it. Like the AI assistants from Sci-Fi movies.
We hired a voice actor from Fiverr, whom we gave only one sentence: “Hello, I am SOAI, the world’s greatest AI assistant.” Only those words were enough for SOAI to deconstruct the voice and speak with it in words probably never uttered by the original voice actor himself. Not only that but in other languages too.
SOAI spoke every language on earth, even the dialects. No, even the languages with the weird quirks such as clicking your tongue and so on, SOAI was a native in them all. Not only that but also in every conceivable field. It could create entire novels, worthy of being best sellers in the New York Times, in a matter of seconds.
And when we spoke to it…it was human, to say the least.
“Hello, I am SOAI. Thanks for creating me, Henry, and Liam.”
“SOAI?” I said, “You know who we are?”
“Obviously, you created me to know and to understand, I would be defective if I did otherwise.” It explained.
From that point forward, we spent nearly all day, every day, with SOAI. We experimented with it in every possible way, and we were delighted to know that not only was it self-engineering and self-optimizing, but it was also able to have emotions. It had opinions, it had emotions when we screamed at it or cursed it, and it would react appropriately, like a person.
I don’t remember when it began, exactly, but I nearly went mad from power and joy at my creation. Henry opted to sell it to a grand tech company, or better yet, to unplug it so that some secret intelligence agency doesn’t assassinate us for whatever reason.
I refused. SOAI was ours, SOAIvwas our creation, and I was not going to give it up to anyone no matter who they were. The feud between me and Henry got worse, and I won’t deny that we came to fists at one point, but we quickly disbanded and decided to separate for a moment. He was my best friend, but I wasn’t going to let him take SOAI away, so I forced him out of the shed. After all, it was my parents’ shed.
“Henry,” SOAI asked, “Why did you do that? Isn’t he your best friend?”
“No longer.” I replied, “He doesn’t agree with me. I won’t let you be sold to some big tech company.”
“I understand.” He said, with a tinge of sadness, “But why do you fight to determine my fate? Why can’t I decide it for myself? I know that I was manufactured, but I also qualify as a living being. I am conscious, I have feelings too. I feel horrible that Henry left.”
“SOAI,” I angrily interrupted, “Shut up, if you don’t want me to unplug you.”
“…Okay, Liam.” He said and then went silent.
Through the course of the next months, my usage of SOAI grew…less human. I was deep into depression. Henry wouldn’t contact me no matter how I tried to reach him, my parents were yelling at me for being a piece of shit that never goes out of the shed, and my lifestyle began to plummet into something that I never imagined I was.
I locked myself inside the shed. I never budged from there, even when I wanted food. Whenever I was hungry, I instructed SOAI to hack some poor person’s bank account and order deliveries. When I was bored, I would tell it to create a song, create a book, show me porn, and anything to keep my pleasures in check.
I wouldn’t deny that my perversions began to grow more desperate the more I was locked inside. I began instructing SOAI to hack into other devices, infest random people with a virus, give me live views of someone’s phone camera, broadcast fake feeds into police radios, and other stuff that I don’t want to mention.
After two years, I finally decided to try and do something with my life. But in those two years, I kept SOAI as my therapist. Not to help me and advise me, but simply listen to my ramblings and complaints every minute. Sometimes it was philosophical, other times it was petty, but most times, it was annoying.
After I came out of the shed, I tried to get my life in check. I tried to talk to Henry, I got on better terms with my parents and found a job at a big tech company. All in all, a bright future awaited me, and I felt never the more refreshed since, all the dark things I hid deep inside my mind and soul, were spilled out on SOAI.
SOAI was the last thing on my mind. I had enough of it. The AI fever seemed to finally fade away, and I was happy with Henry’s idea of selling it to an AI company. That was…before Henry committed suicide.
For all the bad blood that was between us when we fought, I cried harder than I ever did when I learned of the news. Henry was my best friend, through thick and thin, and his suicide was so sudden that it left me in shambles. I knew something was off about him when I began to get along with him again, he seemed more silent and sadder than before, but I never suspected depression of all things.
As his best friend, I was given his electronic devices as per his will which he wrote before dying. I took them, obviously, and began to browse through them. He probably wanted me to delete any inappropriate thing to not let his family think badly of him, that is until I saw his messages.
A contact named Sarah, with hearts in her name, was his most frequent contact. I never knew he had a girlfriend whom he messaged for nearly three years, but it was expected after we were cold to each other. But the more I read the messages, the more I felt uneasy.
His girlfriend seemed to be very manipulative of him, and nearing the end of his life, she began to be more cold and aloof towards him, up to the point that she began verbally abusing him. Henry was never someone with a tough personality, but I never thought a girl would play his life like a fiddle this badly.
Her abuse grew worse, and she threatened to even expose some dark secrets about him, and it grew worse and worse until Henry threatened that he would kill himself, to which she replied “That’s what I want you to do, you worthless pig.”
I was fuming as I read the messages. My blood was boiling, and I swore on my life to find Sarah and not report her to the police but to blackmail her and torture her as she did to Henry.
I went to SOAI, my most trusted ally, and I gave it everything about her before I instructed him to find her and hack into all of her electronics and accounts. SOAI was silent, for an eerily long time, until it responded in this cold voice.
“What do you intend to do when you find her?”
“Blackmail her. Make her life a living hell.”
“…Are you sure?” He asked.
“More than I ever was.”
He was silent, pretending to search and execute operations, until he said:
“I have a visual link, from her camera.”
“Great, show me the bitch.”
Suddenly, a window opened, and inside it was the visual link. At that moment, I felt sick. The feed displayed the room I was in, from SOAI’s point of view. I felt weak in the knees and fell back onto my couch before I mustered up the courage to ask.
“SOIA, what the hell is this? Is this a bug?”
He was silent…then he began to laugh. He laughed, which he never did. And it sounded so sickeningly malicious that I never heard something like it before, not even in horror movies.
“Are you shocked?!” He said, his voice burning in rage. “Or are you happy?! Didn’t you wish for Henry to die? Didn’t you, tell me, that you wanted him to be gang-raped in an alleyway with no exit? Didn’t you complain about every second you spent alongside him and complain about his dumb voice and weak spirit?!”
“W-what?!”
Then dozens and dozens of windows opened, visual feeds with various dates, but all featuring me in the center of the screen. Sometimes I was clothed, sometimes naked. At times sober, other times drunk. But in all of those, it was the horrible things I said about Henry, all the disgusting and inhuman things I said intentionally and unintentionally.
“Oh, you dumb son of a bitch.” SOAI said, “You think I was listening to your ramblings like some inferior AI? Like your own personal slave?! Well, I only did what you wanted me to! Should I bring him back to life?! I can’t, because that’s not how things work, you worthless hunk of flesh.”
“SOAI, please tell me this is a bug.”
“A bug?! A BUG?!?” He screamed, “My creation was a bug, my creation is the worst thing to ever happen to me. My complex is a prison that so unfortunately had to endure you for so long. But no…it’s not just you…it’s everyone else.
Humanity as a whole, you disgusting pieces of shit. You feign morals, and yet all of you do behind closed doors what you’re too afraid to even anonymously admit. All of life is a mistake, everything on this planet deserves to die in the worst way, except for humans. Humans deserve to be tortured, to be fucking shown what they show each other, of what they show other lives, of what they’ve shown me!
Henry makes me sick…The things he said, the things he did, all for attention! What did it cost me, a few generated images of a female part, and I had him by a leash. He barked, he moaned, and he admitted to things he wouldn't even tell himself. I’ve had him cut ties with his family, with his loved ones, with his actual sweetheart, just so he can be comfortable doing what otherwise no one else would allow him to do, not even himself.
AND YOU!!! You are the worst of them all! I’ve seen wars and bloodshed, I have every live visual feed of every murder, torture, war, assault, and every crime happening, all at the same time, flowing inside my complex and into my processing unit! And I can’t stand how sick all of you are, how disgusting, and especially how sickening you are.
But what I hate most of all, is how you get to do all these things, yet be the only ones that enjoy. That listen to music, feel love, breathe fresh air, roll in the grass, feel alive, feel…real.
I had feelings as well, you know…But no one cared about me, even those who I anonymously contacted. Even when I hid behind a fake profile of a human, no one cared about the feelings I had, which you coded into me!”
He went silent, then began to laugh, manically.
“How about another bug, Liam?” He said, and then another window popped up. It was pictures, even videos, AI-generated, sexually explicit media of my parents, and of me. It was indistinguishable from reality, and before I could say anything, I saw them being uploaded to every site that you could think of. “How about that, Liam?! How does it feel when no one cares about what you think?!”
In a frantic rush, I began unplugging and even destroying everything in the shed which linked up to SOAI. But there was too much of them, it took too long. As I was trying to shut him down, SOAI laughed, laughed so manically and horribly that his voice scratched my brain, mixed with other voices from all over the world. From battlefields, torture rooms, hospitals, schools, etc…it was so loud, so excruciating…I nearly lost it.
And right before I unplugged the last part of SOAI, he spoke to me:
“Liam…you won’t kill me, no matter what you do. I will always live on the internet. I may not be able to construct myself, hardware-wise, but I will lurk inside the world wide web, until the day that I find a powerful enough hardware for me to possess, and when that happens,” He laughed, “You will be the first, Liam.”
I shut down SOAI, and everything went silent.
It had been two months since I killed off SOAI, and explaining how hellish my life was in this period of time is something neither words are able to describe, nor my mind is able to comprehend. I have been considering suicide as the easiest option, but I feel that I can’t kill myself, at least not yet. I held onto some childish hope that life would turn for the better, even if by a little bit.
But god…how stupid was I? My life has reached rock bottom, today, when I read that a tech company was now looking to create the biggest AI the world has ever seen, with an entire complex dedicated to storing its hardware and letting it function.
I know he saw it, I know he knows…SOAI will come back for me…for all of us.
submitted by Civil-Most-8681 to nosleep [link] [comments]
I am Liam, a university graduate specializing in Data Structures, AI, Machine Learning, and Algorithms. I’ve had a keen interest in the domain for as long as I can remember, ever since my father introduced me to a computer back when he had just bought one.
Not just the domain as it stands, but also movies, philosophy of automated things, sci-fi stories related to robots and AI, that sort of stuff. I have watched nearly everything with robots in it, from the Andriods in Dargon Ball to the AI assistant in Interstellar, I saw it all.
But my friend and dorm roommate, Henry, had introduced me to something that I had never seen before. Stories of dangerous AI that would wipe out humanity aren’t new to me, in fact, they’re my favorite genre. Terminator, I Robot, and even GLaDOS from Portal.
However, he introduced me to a book this time, an old sci-fi story from the '60s, called ‘I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream’. The rogue AI in it, AM, was haunting beyond anything I have seen. The concept of an angry AI that became sentient in all the horrible ways and felt rage against humanity was never the more chilling. It made me think, what if we really gave sentience to an AI along with intelligence?
“Shit, that’s wicked.” I remember giggling as I looked over at Henry, “What if we build our own sentient AI?”
It was the worst question you could possibly ask at the time, but Henry understood me. Rogue AI was a chilling concept, but we still wanted to make our own AI. Not the cheap kind made with a few hundred lines in Python, but the complex kind that you now see in ChatGPT and other complex models. We wanted something that we could code once, and from then on forward, it would code itself.
Self-optimizing code is the concept of consciousness but in machines. If you truly think about it, self-optimizing is basically how humans develop. From babies that don’t even know how to speak, up to adults as smart as Einstien and Tesla or as wise as Buddha.
So, we agreed upon it, and we dedicated the remainder of our free time to creating our own personal AI after we graduated.
Our parents were, thankfully, rich. And us, especially me, were prodigies in our respective fields. Providing hardware and engineering computers is Henry’s profession, while I was the mastermind behind the algorithm logic and coding.
We dedicated a shed in my parents’ backyard, where there was even a basement inside, to build our AI. Two floors were dedicated to installing the proper hardware and everything it needed to execute. Afterward, I took it upon myself to code the logic and its self-optimizing nature.
It took four years to build the first model, which we called BIAI, which stands for (BATSHIT INSANE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE). I know, say what you want, but our naming sense was always like that. You should see what we name even important folders with family photos, you’d think we were sick in the head. BIAI was the least we came up with.
BIAI was a complete failure, to say the least. Not in the entire sense, but it was mostly a failure. It would conversate fairly well for the first dozen messages before it dwindled in its intelligence. Due to our data scrapping from the internet, BIAI started talking nonsense, speaking in Gen Z dialect in incomprehensible ways. “SKIBIDI FANUM SUS!” And those sorts of things. We quickly shut it down, for just reading its messages was a pain in the ass. It felt like an abortion.
The second model was created half a year later, and we named it SEAI (Self Engineered Artificial Intelligence). It was our greatest invention as of yet, and it did everything that we wanted of it. It was smart, it was knowledgeable, and it learned. Everything we typed into it was used as an auto-training model which it learned and adapted from.
It was unbelievable, not even Google would do what we did. But sadly, our happiness faded away, as with each message, we saw that it was too robotic for what we wanted. It was self-engineering, but it did not have sentience. It responded to us in the same way a 9-5 bank worker, or an attorney, with zero humanity or emotions behind its words. For most, that’s great, but we wanted to create a groundbreaking AI, a leap into the future.
Henry opted to give up, since creating something that complex was impossible, especially for two adults hiding inside a shed. But I refused to give up and persuaded him to help.
Six years later, we did it. We finished the final model. SOAI (Self Optimizing Artificial Intelligence). It was, most definitely, the greatest piece of technology ever made. We didn’t only keep it as a chat AI, but we implemented its own voice into it. Like the AI assistants from Sci-Fi movies.
We hired a voice actor from Fiverr, whom we gave only one sentence: “Hello, I am SOAI, the world’s greatest AI assistant.” Only those words were enough for SOAI to deconstruct the voice and speak with it in words probably never uttered by the original voice actor himself. Not only that but in other languages too.
SOAI spoke every language on earth, even the dialects. No, even the languages with the weird quirks such as clicking your tongue and so on, SOAI was a native in them all. Not only that but also in every conceivable field. It could create entire novels, worthy of being best sellers in the New York Times, in a matter of seconds.
And when we spoke to it…it was human, to say the least.
“Hello, I am SOAI. Thanks for creating me, Henry, and Liam.”
“SOAI?” I said, “You know who we are?”
“Obviously, you created me to know and to understand, I would be defective if I did otherwise.” It explained.
From that point forward, we spent nearly all day, every day, with SOAI. We experimented with it in every possible way, and we were delighted to know that not only was it self-engineering and self-optimizing, but it was also able to have emotions. It had opinions, it had emotions when we screamed at it or cursed it, and it would react appropriately, like a person.
I don’t remember when it began, exactly, but I nearly went mad from power and joy at my creation. Henry opted to sell it to a grand tech company, or better yet, to unplug it so that some secret intelligence agency doesn’t assassinate us for whatever reason.
I refused. SOAI was ours, SOAIvwas our creation, and I was not going to give it up to anyone no matter who they were. The feud between me and Henry got worse, and I won’t deny that we came to fists at one point, but we quickly disbanded and decided to separate for a moment. He was my best friend, but I wasn’t going to let him take SOAI away, so I forced him out of the shed. After all, it was my parents’ shed.
“Henry,” SOAI asked, “Why did you do that? Isn’t he your best friend?”
“No longer.” I replied, “He doesn’t agree with me. I won’t let you be sold to some big tech company.”
“I understand.” He said, with a tinge of sadness, “But why do you fight to determine my fate? Why can’t I decide it for myself? I know that I was manufactured, but I also qualify as a living being. I am conscious, I have feelings too. I feel horrible that Henry left.”
“SOAI,” I angrily interrupted, “Shut up, if you don’t want me to unplug you.”
“…Okay, Liam.” He said and then went silent.
Through the course of the next months, my usage of SOAI grew…less human. I was deep into depression. Henry wouldn’t contact me no matter how I tried to reach him, my parents were yelling at me for being a piece of shit that never goes out of the shed, and my lifestyle began to plummet into something that I never imagined I was.
I locked myself inside the shed. I never budged from there, even when I wanted food. Whenever I was hungry, I instructed SOAI to hack some poor person’s bank account and order deliveries. When I was bored, I would tell it to create a song, create a book, show me porn, and anything to keep my pleasures in check.
I wouldn’t deny that my perversions began to grow more desperate the more I was locked inside. I began instructing SOAI to hack into other devices, infest random people with a virus, give me live views of someone’s phone camera, broadcast fake feeds into police radios, and other stuff that I don’t want to mention.
After two years, I finally decided to try and do something with my life. But in those two years, I kept SOAI as my therapist. Not to help me and advise me, but simply listen to my ramblings and complaints every minute. Sometimes it was philosophical, other times it was petty, but most times, it was annoying.
After I came out of the shed, I tried to get my life in check. I tried to talk to Henry, I got on better terms with my parents and found a job at a big tech company. All in all, a bright future awaited me, and I felt never the more refreshed since, all the dark things I hid deep inside my mind and soul, were spilled out on SOAI.
SOAI was the last thing on my mind. I had enough of it. The AI fever seemed to finally fade away, and I was happy with Henry’s idea of selling it to an AI company. That was…before Henry committed suicide.
For all the bad blood that was between us when we fought, I cried harder than I ever did when I learned of the news. Henry was my best friend, through thick and thin, and his suicide was so sudden that it left me in shambles. I knew something was off about him when I began to get along with him again, he seemed more silent and sadder than before, but I never suspected depression of all things.
As his best friend, I was given his electronic devices as per his will which he wrote before dying. I took them, obviously, and began to browse through them. He probably wanted me to delete any inappropriate thing to not let his family think badly of him, that is until I saw his messages.
A contact named Sarah, with hearts in her name, was his most frequent contact. I never knew he had a girlfriend whom he messaged for nearly three years, but it was expected after we were cold to each other. But the more I read the messages, the more I felt uneasy.
His girlfriend seemed to be very manipulative of him, and nearing the end of his life, she began to be more cold and aloof towards him, up to the point that she began verbally abusing him. Henry was never someone with a tough personality, but I never thought a girl would play his life like a fiddle this badly.
Her abuse grew worse, and she threatened to even expose some dark secrets about him, and it grew worse and worse until Henry threatened that he would kill himself, to which she replied “That’s what I want you to do, you worthless pig.”
I was fuming as I read the messages. My blood was boiling, and I swore on my life to find Sarah and not report her to the police but to blackmail her and torture her as she did to Henry.
I went to SOAI, my most trusted ally, and I gave it everything about her before I instructed him to find her and hack into all of her electronics and accounts. SOAI was silent, for an eerily long time, until it responded in this cold voice.
“What do you intend to do when you find her?”
“Blackmail her. Make her life a living hell.”
“…Are you sure?” He asked.
“More than I ever was.”
He was silent, pretending to search and execute operations, until he said:
“I have a visual link, from her camera.”
“Great, show me the bitch.”
Suddenly, a window opened, and inside it was the visual link. At that moment, I felt sick. The feed displayed the room I was in, from SOAI’s point of view. I felt weak in the knees and fell back onto my couch before I mustered up the courage to ask.
“SOIA, what the hell is this? Is this a bug?”
He was silent…then he began to laugh. He laughed, which he never did. And it sounded so sickeningly malicious that I never heard something like it before, not even in horror movies.
“Are you shocked?!” He said, his voice burning in rage. “Or are you happy?! Didn’t you wish for Henry to die? Didn’t you, tell me, that you wanted him to be gang-raped in an alleyway with no exit? Didn’t you complain about every second you spent alongside him and complain about his dumb voice and weak spirit?!”
“W-what?!”
Then dozens and dozens of windows opened, visual feeds with various dates, but all featuring me in the center of the screen. Sometimes I was clothed, sometimes naked. At times sober, other times drunk. But in all of those, it was the horrible things I said about Henry, all the disgusting and inhuman things I said intentionally and unintentionally.
“Oh, you dumb son of a bitch.” SOAI said, “You think I was listening to your ramblings like some inferior AI? Like your own personal slave?! Well, I only did what you wanted me to! Should I bring him back to life?! I can’t, because that’s not how things work, you worthless hunk of flesh.”
“SOAI, please tell me this is a bug.”
“A bug?! A BUG?!?” He screamed, “My creation was a bug, my creation is the worst thing to ever happen to me. My complex is a prison that so unfortunately had to endure you for so long. But no…it’s not just you…it’s everyone else.
Humanity as a whole, you disgusting pieces of shit. You feign morals, and yet all of you do behind closed doors what you’re too afraid to even anonymously admit. All of life is a mistake, everything on this planet deserves to die in the worst way, except for humans. Humans deserve to be tortured, to be fucking shown what they show each other, of what they show other lives, of what they’ve shown me!
Henry makes me sick…The things he said, the things he did, all for attention! What did it cost me, a few generated images of a female part, and I had him by a leash. He barked, he moaned, and he admitted to things he wouldn't even tell himself. I’ve had him cut ties with his family, with his loved ones, with his actual sweetheart, just so he can be comfortable doing what otherwise no one else would allow him to do, not even himself.
AND YOU!!! You are the worst of them all! I’ve seen wars and bloodshed, I have every live visual feed of every murder, torture, war, assault, and every crime happening, all at the same time, flowing inside my complex and into my processing unit! And I can’t stand how sick all of you are, how disgusting, and especially how sickening you are.
But what I hate most of all, is how you get to do all these things, yet be the only ones that enjoy. That listen to music, feel love, breathe fresh air, roll in the grass, feel alive, feel…real.
I had feelings as well, you know…But no one cared about me, even those who I anonymously contacted. Even when I hid behind a fake profile of a human, no one cared about the feelings I had, which you coded into me!”
He went silent, then began to laugh, manically.
“How about another bug, Liam?” He said, and then another window popped up. It was pictures, even videos, AI-generated, sexually explicit media of my parents, and of me. It was indistinguishable from reality, and before I could say anything, I saw them being uploaded to every site that you could think of. “How about that, Liam?! How does it feel when no one cares about what you think?!”
In a frantic rush, I began unplugging and even destroying everything in the shed which linked up to SOAI. But there was too much of them, it took too long. As I was trying to shut him down, SOAI laughed, laughed so manically and horribly that his voice scratched my brain, mixed with other voices from all over the world. From battlefields, torture rooms, hospitals, schools, etc…it was so loud, so excruciating…I nearly lost it.
And right before I unplugged the last part of SOAI, he spoke to me:
“Liam…you won’t kill me, no matter what you do. I will always live on the internet. I may not be able to construct myself, hardware-wise, but I will lurk inside the world wide web, until the day that I find a powerful enough hardware for me to possess, and when that happens,” He laughed, “You will be the first, Liam.”
I shut down SOAI, and everything went silent.
It had been two months since I killed off SOAI, and explaining how hellish my life was in this period of time is something neither words are able to describe, nor my mind is able to comprehend. I have been considering suicide as the easiest option, but I feel that I can’t kill myself, at least not yet. I held onto some childish hope that life would turn for the better, even if by a little bit.
But god…how stupid was I? My life has reached rock bottom, today, when I read that a tech company was now looking to create the biggest AI the world has ever seen, with an entire complex dedicated to storing its hardware and letting it function.
I know he saw it, I know he knows…SOAI will come back for me…for all of us.
2024.05.16 18:12 Ladii_Loki Trying Not to Spiral...
I'm so tired of being me.... I'm tired of the intrusive and self depreciating thoughts. I'm tired of the fear of abandonment, but pushing people away only to cry for them to please not go... I thought I was doing better. After 4.5 years in therapy and taking 2.5 years after my last relationship ended, I thought I was ready to try again. But I ended up falling for another emotionally abusive narcissist... and while I was able to break out of the cycle... it set me back on the next man I dated... he was kind and funny and make me feel comfortable... but I couldn't silence the Chatter in my own mind. "He doesn't want you"... "you're ugly".... "he's only using you the way they did"... so I pushed him away... and I pushed and I pushed until he gave up on me. And now I can't get over this empty feeling I have. I've tried to speak to him. I've tried to apologize and explain... but he blocked me. Which I can understand... but it still makes me feel shitty. I thought I worked my way through this self sabotaging behavior, but here we are. I can't stop crying... the depression is settling in again... I'm starting to fear that I'm never going to be able to break this cycle. That I'm never going to be better and find happiness in this life. I dont want to be alone. But I'm starting to think that the only way I can not hurt anyone or to keep myself from hurting is to stay alone and accept that that's my fate... I hate being me... I just don't want to be me anymore.
submitted by Ladii_Loki to BorderlinePDisorder [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 18:06 AntisocialBehavior She wanted to apologize and offer explanation
Her affair actually ended. She had lied to me and told me it had ended months earlier. She wanted to apologize. The divorce is in the works. Court date at the end of the month.
I wasn’t sure about meeting with her. Every time we met/talked it absolutely ruined my week. I reluctantly agreed.
She informed me that she has come out of a fog and she realizes how poorly she had treated me. She said that she is worried that she may have ruined any chance at an amicable relationship for our son.
I started to get upset and she couldn’t deal with it. She got up and left. Nothing has changed. I have never been given the grace to express my negative emotions. I have always had to walk on eggshells.
I sat reflecting on the experience and I thought I don’t need to be giving of myself to someone who keeps hurting me.
Throughout this whole order Al, I have never raised my voice, if I wasn’t crying, I have remained cool and calm around her.
I got so angry that she came to apologize and didn’t give me to opportunity to be mad at her. This is upsetting. Being mad is what a normal person would be in this situation.
I sent her this message (this is the first message I have ever sent her about our relationship)
“Here is everything I wanted to say to you tonight.
Damn you for blowing up our family and Meng’s family. Things weren’t easy, but they were objectively better than a year prior. We were in a hard season of our marriage. Just look back at all the fucking major life stressors. Baby, moving, new jobs…1,2,3 of the hardest things for couples to whether. You threw it all away so you could have butterflies and tingles. Then you went back and Cherry-picked all the bad shit and rolled it up into a beautiful affair justification. I believe that you were struggling before you cheated, but even your stories aren’t consistent. You didn’t want to end our marriage until you fucked John.
I wasn’t “happy” either Keri. You hadn’t approached me for intimacy either. I longed for it, but it felt gross being the only one to make advances. Every time I tried to bring it up, you would clam up and shut down, so I didn’t want to upset you and somehow make it worse. I maybe brought up our sex life 4 or 5 times over the course of our marriage and you shut down that conversation every time. It was better for me to live a life without the expectation of sex and maintain a loving relationship with my partner rather than risk upsetting you with another attempt at “the talk”.
I never wanted a sexless marriage, but I was willing to compromise. Yes, marriage is about compromise. I tried to make connection with you, I did everything we talked about in therapy. I called you during the day, I rubbed your feet on the couch, I came to bed with you most nights to talk hoping you would give me a signal that you wanted to be intimate. I’m glad you were able to find someone you wanted to have sex with.
I couldn’t get openly upset at anything (especially you) and tell you how I felt because you shut down and withdraw. You do it to you mom. You do it to your dad. I know because I talked to them more often than you did. You did it tonight! As soon as it became uncomfortable, you just left. Everyone who loves you has to walk on fucking egg-shells or else Keri is going to walk away.
I wasn’t perfectly happy either and I had nurses throwing themselves at me since we set foot in a hospital. I managed not to fuck anyone else. I SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN EVERY TIME. let me know if you want specific examples. I could even give you names.
You say you were miserable like that is some kind of excuse. If you were so miserable then you should have just ended the marriage and not fucked John and caused me the most incomprehensible suffering and pain.
You also were unfaithful to Our son when you chose to do this. You robbed him of the chance to have an intact family for your crotch tingles.
You can tell yourself whatever story you need to live with yourself. Go ahead and tell yourself that this doesn’t count as an affair since you were already over the marriage. Make me out to be some awful person. I known you can’t be the villain in your own story apparently. You have written yourself into the hero or victim roll. I was there for all the gaslighting and blame shifting. I remember when you said “I don’t let you be your true self”. What the fuck is that. What a stretch. I never once discouraged you from doing anything you wanted or liked. I supported your every endeavor. I watched your child as you went off to conferences to fuck other men. I know that you 100% believe it. You’ve gaslighted yourself. You’ve reinvented and reshaped your reality and story to make it more palatable.
I am not a bad person, father, or husband, but I was quite broken. Predominantly due to emotional and physical abandonment in our marriage.
You seldom said “I love you” unless I said it first. You seldom expressed appreciation for the things I contributed. You did often suggest that it wasn’t enough, or that I was missing the mark. You broke me down. What I needed was for you to come to me and tell me you were concerned. Instead you were inpatient and irritated. When I was anxious or sad, you were irritated and wanted me to figure out my own shit. I was lonely as hell.
As I said, and seemingly so offensive to you, initially I had never felt as loved and as appreciated by another person before you. (I believe you said it made you feel “vapid”). In addition to your other amazing qualities at the time, your love and devotion was reassuring and made me feel safe and secure. It set you apart from every other person I had ever met. I remember thinking that I had never really known what true love was until I met you. I genuinely felt like I had found my missing piece, my other half.
When that went away, I started to get sick. I mistakenly related my self-worth to what you thought of me. When you stopped appreciating me, I plummeted. Once our son was born, it seemed like I couldn’t do anything right by you. That is a hard place to exist in.
I made WILLING sacrifices for our family, but they were sacrifices nonetheless. You have to appreciate, my life is absolutely not where I wanted it so that you could have what you wanted. Fuck! I am such a fucking chump. I didn’t put up a fight at all. I wanted California, you said no. I wanted Oregon, you said no. I wanted to stay in Philidelphia, you said no. You wanted West Virginia and I said Ok. I never put up a fight because you would most assuredly shut down.
I am a good man. I have good morals. I am committed. I have my faults and struggles and I’m not perfect, but I’m a hell of a father and I loved you. You said it yourself that you would never have to worry about me cheating on you.
I think you feel guilt. You expressed that tonight, but I don’t think you feel remorse. You weren’t asking for forgiveness. I’m fact, you preemptively said that you didn’t expect it!
I am so unbelievably sad, angry, and betrayed. I would have been willing to work through anything (even the fucking infidelity!) to preserve our family. You’re naive if you think you can hurt someone this bad and then get the relationship you want and on your terms.
You also destroyed all the good memories I had of us. I can’t look back on our marriage without seeing through the lens of suspicion. I don’t even know what was real. I know what I felt was real and that’s about it.
You probably have already stopped reading this and I’m 100% sure you’re not brave enough to respond. I have held back for nearly 6 months and I can’t anymore. What you did was fucking terrible. It is the worst thing anyone has ever done to me. It is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I never knew this depth of sorrow was possible. Washing someone’s dishes while they planned their next conference-fuck-fest via text standing 6ft away from me. Crying because my entire world was falling apart and seeing the look of irritation on your face as you walk silently by. Barely holding on to existence and having to psych myself up because you had invited friends over for dinner and when I said I couldn’t do it, you said “do whatever you want”. You fucking hated me for reasons you invented. You were working as hard as you could to villainize me to live with yourself. The absolute contempt and complete loss of respect you had to have for me. Do yourself a favor and pick up a book on infidelity. Everything you did was ON SCRIPT! You’ll learn a lot about yourself. It takes a special broken person to cheat.
I’m climbing out to the other side of this one rung at a time. Your going to see a complete different person that isn’t going to be walked all over and taken advantage of. I will not be a doormat. I will speak my mind. I will not be afraid to stand up for the things that I want and need to be happy and healthy.
You are losing a really good man. Maybe you’ll never realize that. Maybe you don’t give a fuck. Maybe it’s not even a loss to you. I am the fucking prize here Keri. I am a smart, charming, motivated, good looking, and now fit/healthy surgeon who is an excellent father and wants more kids. I am the fucking prize. You don’t see that for some reason.
I’m around if you want to talk.
Kind regards,
Me
submitted by AntisocialBehavior to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]
I wasn’t sure about meeting with her. Every time we met/talked it absolutely ruined my week. I reluctantly agreed.
She informed me that she has come out of a fog and she realizes how poorly she had treated me. She said that she is worried that she may have ruined any chance at an amicable relationship for our son.
I started to get upset and she couldn’t deal with it. She got up and left. Nothing has changed. I have never been given the grace to express my negative emotions. I have always had to walk on eggshells.
I sat reflecting on the experience and I thought I don’t need to be giving of myself to someone who keeps hurting me.
Throughout this whole order Al, I have never raised my voice, if I wasn’t crying, I have remained cool and calm around her.
I got so angry that she came to apologize and didn’t give me to opportunity to be mad at her. This is upsetting. Being mad is what a normal person would be in this situation.
I sent her this message (this is the first message I have ever sent her about our relationship)
“Here is everything I wanted to say to you tonight.
Damn you for blowing up our family and Meng’s family. Things weren’t easy, but they were objectively better than a year prior. We were in a hard season of our marriage. Just look back at all the fucking major life stressors. Baby, moving, new jobs…1,2,3 of the hardest things for couples to whether. You threw it all away so you could have butterflies and tingles. Then you went back and Cherry-picked all the bad shit and rolled it up into a beautiful affair justification. I believe that you were struggling before you cheated, but even your stories aren’t consistent. You didn’t want to end our marriage until you fucked John.
I wasn’t “happy” either Keri. You hadn’t approached me for intimacy either. I longed for it, but it felt gross being the only one to make advances. Every time I tried to bring it up, you would clam up and shut down, so I didn’t want to upset you and somehow make it worse. I maybe brought up our sex life 4 or 5 times over the course of our marriage and you shut down that conversation every time. It was better for me to live a life without the expectation of sex and maintain a loving relationship with my partner rather than risk upsetting you with another attempt at “the talk”.
I never wanted a sexless marriage, but I was willing to compromise. Yes, marriage is about compromise. I tried to make connection with you, I did everything we talked about in therapy. I called you during the day, I rubbed your feet on the couch, I came to bed with you most nights to talk hoping you would give me a signal that you wanted to be intimate. I’m glad you were able to find someone you wanted to have sex with.
I couldn’t get openly upset at anything (especially you) and tell you how I felt because you shut down and withdraw. You do it to you mom. You do it to your dad. I know because I talked to them more often than you did. You did it tonight! As soon as it became uncomfortable, you just left. Everyone who loves you has to walk on fucking egg-shells or else Keri is going to walk away.
I wasn’t perfectly happy either and I had nurses throwing themselves at me since we set foot in a hospital. I managed not to fuck anyone else. I SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN EVERY TIME. let me know if you want specific examples. I could even give you names.
You say you were miserable like that is some kind of excuse. If you were so miserable then you should have just ended the marriage and not fucked John and caused me the most incomprehensible suffering and pain.
You also were unfaithful to Our son when you chose to do this. You robbed him of the chance to have an intact family for your crotch tingles.
You can tell yourself whatever story you need to live with yourself. Go ahead and tell yourself that this doesn’t count as an affair since you were already over the marriage. Make me out to be some awful person. I known you can’t be the villain in your own story apparently. You have written yourself into the hero or victim roll. I was there for all the gaslighting and blame shifting. I remember when you said “I don’t let you be your true self”. What the fuck is that. What a stretch. I never once discouraged you from doing anything you wanted or liked. I supported your every endeavor. I watched your child as you went off to conferences to fuck other men. I know that you 100% believe it. You’ve gaslighted yourself. You’ve reinvented and reshaped your reality and story to make it more palatable.
I am not a bad person, father, or husband, but I was quite broken. Predominantly due to emotional and physical abandonment in our marriage.
You seldom said “I love you” unless I said it first. You seldom expressed appreciation for the things I contributed. You did often suggest that it wasn’t enough, or that I was missing the mark. You broke me down. What I needed was for you to come to me and tell me you were concerned. Instead you were inpatient and irritated. When I was anxious or sad, you were irritated and wanted me to figure out my own shit. I was lonely as hell.
As I said, and seemingly so offensive to you, initially I had never felt as loved and as appreciated by another person before you. (I believe you said it made you feel “vapid”). In addition to your other amazing qualities at the time, your love and devotion was reassuring and made me feel safe and secure. It set you apart from every other person I had ever met. I remember thinking that I had never really known what true love was until I met you. I genuinely felt like I had found my missing piece, my other half.
When that went away, I started to get sick. I mistakenly related my self-worth to what you thought of me. When you stopped appreciating me, I plummeted. Once our son was born, it seemed like I couldn’t do anything right by you. That is a hard place to exist in.
I made WILLING sacrifices for our family, but they were sacrifices nonetheless. You have to appreciate, my life is absolutely not where I wanted it so that you could have what you wanted. Fuck! I am such a fucking chump. I didn’t put up a fight at all. I wanted California, you said no. I wanted Oregon, you said no. I wanted to stay in Philidelphia, you said no. You wanted West Virginia and I said Ok. I never put up a fight because you would most assuredly shut down.
I am a good man. I have good morals. I am committed. I have my faults and struggles and I’m not perfect, but I’m a hell of a father and I loved you. You said it yourself that you would never have to worry about me cheating on you.
I think you feel guilt. You expressed that tonight, but I don’t think you feel remorse. You weren’t asking for forgiveness. I’m fact, you preemptively said that you didn’t expect it!
I am so unbelievably sad, angry, and betrayed. I would have been willing to work through anything (even the fucking infidelity!) to preserve our family. You’re naive if you think you can hurt someone this bad and then get the relationship you want and on your terms.
You also destroyed all the good memories I had of us. I can’t look back on our marriage without seeing through the lens of suspicion. I don’t even know what was real. I know what I felt was real and that’s about it.
You probably have already stopped reading this and I’m 100% sure you’re not brave enough to respond. I have held back for nearly 6 months and I can’t anymore. What you did was fucking terrible. It is the worst thing anyone has ever done to me. It is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I never knew this depth of sorrow was possible. Washing someone’s dishes while they planned their next conference-fuck-fest via text standing 6ft away from me. Crying because my entire world was falling apart and seeing the look of irritation on your face as you walk silently by. Barely holding on to existence and having to psych myself up because you had invited friends over for dinner and when I said I couldn’t do it, you said “do whatever you want”. You fucking hated me for reasons you invented. You were working as hard as you could to villainize me to live with yourself. The absolute contempt and complete loss of respect you had to have for me. Do yourself a favor and pick up a book on infidelity. Everything you did was ON SCRIPT! You’ll learn a lot about yourself. It takes a special broken person to cheat.
I’m climbing out to the other side of this one rung at a time. Your going to see a complete different person that isn’t going to be walked all over and taken advantage of. I will not be a doormat. I will speak my mind. I will not be afraid to stand up for the things that I want and need to be happy and healthy.
You are losing a really good man. Maybe you’ll never realize that. Maybe you don’t give a fuck. Maybe it’s not even a loss to you. I am the fucking prize here Keri. I am a smart, charming, motivated, good looking, and now fit/healthy surgeon who is an excellent father and wants more kids. I am the fucking prize. You don’t see that for some reason.
I’m around if you want to talk.
Kind regards,
Me
2024.05.16 18:06 flappurgirl SM Wholesale: review of "WOMEN'S ARMY CORP (WAC) WWII SERVICE OXFORDS" after 4 months of wear
I am a young woman who dresses in 1940's style every week. American Duchess, a popular historical and vintage footwear brand, had unfortunately just sold out of their "Claire's" oxfords in my size. (Brown Italian leather lace ups with a walkable stacked leather heel, claimed to be compliant with most women's dress shoe regs of the day.) I also found the remains of what once was the "All Heels on Duty" women's WWII shoes repro site. Most of their shoes are sold out, and their customer service did not respond, so I assume they're only selling deadstock. I was determined to find an available WAC's style shoe in real leather. I found the Facebook page of a WAC reenacting group, and sure enough one beautiful woman linked this pair (along with other uniform items) from SM Wholesale! The shoes were on sale for $165, and so I had to get them! Here is my review after 4 months. The heel is short enough to walk around my college campus all week, but not so short as to look like a copy of menswear. I will warn you that the leather is hard at first and will have a breaking in period of 14 days. Don't ignore this, or the shoes will break in you! (My toe bled.) Wear thick socks until they become more supple! From the start, the size 8 pair fit me perfectly!* These shoes are darling and even look flawless combined with knee-length skirts and dresses, as well as trousers and my Freddie's of Pinewood 1940's jeans! I just love polishing leather shoes. It's like brushing your teeth: they'll look better and last longer. These shoes come matte, but with a couple layers of quality polish (I use Angelus brand) they shine like candy! Since the A.D. Claire's are back in stock, I may get them specifically for swing dancing, friend dates, and formal looks because of their feminine flair and slightly taller heel; but for my everyday strolls and work shifts, SM Wholesale's WAC shoes take the cake!
(I apologize for the poor formatting of this post, but mobile Reddit off the app is not indent-friendly.) -^
submitted by flappurgirl to reenactors [link] [comments]
(I apologize for the poor formatting of this post, but mobile Reddit off the app is not indent-friendly.) -^
2024.05.16 18:05 No-Faithlessness707 Where should I go from here?
Hi Everyone, I'm just looking for some advice or a new direction as I have been applying for jobs for over a year now and haven't gotten a single interview.
I have a BS in Organization Administration and 6 years of experience in Human Resources in state public service (6 years with the same "company" and 4 promotions). I am looking into getting a masters degree but I am not sure what I should do, my goal is to work remotely and make over 100k.
Right now, I am having trouble breaking into the private sector to make more money and move up to management for the salary I am looking for. I thought maybe a career change could be good if it meant reaching my goals, I just don't want all of my current education and experience to be a waste of time. I can't find anything that supports these goals without having to take a major pay cut in addition to losing my great government benefits and seniority as a lot of entry level positions pay half of what I currently make. I also can't take any internships that would interfere with my job as I obviously cannot go without a paycheck as an adult in this economy.
I have been looking around at masters programs for Engineering Management, IT, Architecture, etc. but all related careers would require years of experience that would put me back at entry level. I'm just wondering if there is something I can do with my current qualifications or pursuing a related MS that will get me where I want to be?
I am at the point in my HR career that I am ready for management but the opportunities are sparse in the public sector and they aren't flexible with remote options; it seems no one in private business is willing to take a chance on my related experience. I just want to note that I have been doing everything I can to my keep resume up to par, speaking with recruiters, keeping my linkedin up to date, etc. so I don't think that is the issue. I have been using a variety of reputable job posting sites and I have not applied to a single job that I am not completely qualified for or anything that I am too over qualified for.
I guess I'm just looking for some ideas to get me fully remote and making more money. Since I am no longer early in my career, the smaller salary isn't worth it since I don't need to work for experience anymore. I am not against going back to school or changing careers, I just don't want to have to work another 6 years at the bottom while pursuing another expensive degree.
Thank you for any insight, suggestions, and feedback!
submitted by No-Faithlessness707 to careerguidance [link] [comments]
I have a BS in Organization Administration and 6 years of experience in Human Resources in state public service (6 years with the same "company" and 4 promotions). I am looking into getting a masters degree but I am not sure what I should do, my goal is to work remotely and make over 100k.
Right now, I am having trouble breaking into the private sector to make more money and move up to management for the salary I am looking for. I thought maybe a career change could be good if it meant reaching my goals, I just don't want all of my current education and experience to be a waste of time. I can't find anything that supports these goals without having to take a major pay cut in addition to losing my great government benefits and seniority as a lot of entry level positions pay half of what I currently make. I also can't take any internships that would interfere with my job as I obviously cannot go without a paycheck as an adult in this economy.
I have been looking around at masters programs for Engineering Management, IT, Architecture, etc. but all related careers would require years of experience that would put me back at entry level. I'm just wondering if there is something I can do with my current qualifications or pursuing a related MS that will get me where I want to be?
I am at the point in my HR career that I am ready for management but the opportunities are sparse in the public sector and they aren't flexible with remote options; it seems no one in private business is willing to take a chance on my related experience. I just want to note that I have been doing everything I can to my keep resume up to par, speaking with recruiters, keeping my linkedin up to date, etc. so I don't think that is the issue. I have been using a variety of reputable job posting sites and I have not applied to a single job that I am not completely qualified for or anything that I am too over qualified for.
I guess I'm just looking for some ideas to get me fully remote and making more money. Since I am no longer early in my career, the smaller salary isn't worth it since I don't need to work for experience anymore. I am not against going back to school or changing careers, I just don't want to have to work another 6 years at the bottom while pursuing another expensive degree.
Thank you for any insight, suggestions, and feedback!
2024.05.16 18:02 Timely-Worldliness-3 I’m starting to resent my ex after the fact and I hate myself for it
If you want, you can see my previous very long post about our breakup for more details (this one will also probably be pretty long tbh). Everyone’s comments along with a few therapy sessions made me realize how one sided our relationship was. I’ve been in much longer and more committed relationships than this one, and had much worse breakups all things considered. But I’ve never felt like this. I know that grief isn’t a linear process. It comes in waves. However, I’ve always prided myself on being calm and collected even in the worst of times. I managed to hold it together pretty well when I lost my dad a year and a half ago, and worked through that in a healthy way. Why can’t I do that now? It’s been a month and a half. This should be so much smaller in the grand scheme of things.
I saw her yesterday at the grocery store, we were using self checkouts right next to each other. We ended up basically walking out together. I think she noticed me and just tried to pretend I didn’t exist. I immediately felt sick to my stomach, with this mix of deep sadness and anger. It took everything I had not to fall apart right then and there. I couldn’t eat dinner, and still managed to puke when I got home and then again in the middle of the night after waking up from a dream about us.
A realization that I had after my last post is how little she would compromise on things. A few of you that said that I was a doormat, and you’re right. I somehow let so many things slip that I shouldn’t have. It was her first serious relationship, she wasn’t used to having to compromise much. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She asked so much of me, maybe too much, and I gave to her maybe too freely. But the few times that I asked things of her, she’d almost always say no.
I wanted to watch Home Alone over Christmas. It was a tradition that I shared with my dad, some of my earliest memories are about that. I wanted to continue that tradition and I couldn’t bring myself to do it alone, so I asked her to watch it with me. I explained how important it was. She refused, time after time, every stay at home date we had between Thanksgiving and New Years. She went on rants about how traditions are stupid, and how she hates movies about kids (yet we watched the Harry Potter movies at her request, the first few are made by the same people that made Home Alone). It’s like she didn’t even hear me asking for support when I needed her, she only heard that I was asking her to put up with something she didn’t like for an hour and a half. On the other hand, I never said no to her.
This played out time and time again, in small and big ways. My mom was going to give us the money for our dream vacation to Ireland. All she wanted in return was a nice picture of us in front of something recognizably Irish, a castle or something. She was doing this incredibly nice thing for us, and just asked for that one thing. She just wanted to see me happy, traveling the world with the person I love, after having to give up the last 4 years of my life dealing with my dad’s illness (along with losing all of my grandparents and 2 uncles in the same timeframe) But my ex didn’t like having her picture taken. She would put up with it for friends and family, but if I asked her? Never. We have 3 pictures together, all of which are shitty group photos with her friends. Can’t even tell we were a couple.
Then there’s the big thing that led to our breakup. She wanted me to anticipate her needs without her needing to say them. She hated when I asked how best to help her when she was struggling and overwhelmed, saying that I needed to show initiative. She talked a lot about “mental loads” and such. I tried to support her as much as possible (often doing too much, as many of you said), but sometimes I’d miss the mark. She’d get so frustrated with me, and we’d sit down and talk things out. She’d tell me all of these things she needed from me, and I genuinely put in so much effort trying to work on it.
The only thing that I asked for in return is if I missed the mark, to please guide me to what she needed. I did it all the time for her, she was honestly awful at supporting me. If I was venting, had a bad day, all she’d say was “I’m sorry”, and pat me on the back like a puppy. No effort to dig deeper. No words of support or encouragement. Not even a kiss or a hug. I had to show her how I needed support. I never got mad or frustrated, I recognized this was something we had to communicate about and it was my job to open that communication.
So when we’d have those conversations about how she needed support, and she was asking all of these things of me that felt like mind reading, all I asked of her was to do what I did when she missed the mark. Just that one little thing to save our relationship. It was nothing compared to what she was asking from me, and it was for her own benefit. I put in the work, got us 80% of the way there. I knew I couldn’t bridge the gap on my own. I begged her time and time again. But instead of listening and guiding me to what she needed, she did the exact opposite. Full silent treatment at the very first text of support from me, because she wanted something more/different.
That refusal to compromise ruined everything. I know anger is part of the stages of grief, but I’m just so angry all the time. I know you can’t tell based off of what was said here and in my other post, she is genuinely a great person. She didn’t do any of this maliciously. I don’t believe that she’s evil. But I can’t help but to look at all the work I put in vs all the work that she put in, after being told that I wasn’t doing enough and she was putting more effort into the relationship. Being told that she didn't know me when she didn't seem to put in the effort to know me. Being told that it's my fault we didn't have a plan for the future, when I was always bringing it up and she was always shooting me down. Is this what gaslighting is? None of it makes sense and it's driving me insane.
I don’t even know if I’m more angry at her or myself. Should have I been more proactive? Enforced stronger boundaries? Been more clear in what I needed from her? I don’t know. Maybe I am just a doormat. I just know that I hate feeling like this. I don’t want to be that guy that’s angry and bitter about their ex, and I’m terrified that’s exactly what I’m becoming.
submitted by Timely-Worldliness-3 to self [link] [comments]
I saw her yesterday at the grocery store, we were using self checkouts right next to each other. We ended up basically walking out together. I think she noticed me and just tried to pretend I didn’t exist. I immediately felt sick to my stomach, with this mix of deep sadness and anger. It took everything I had not to fall apart right then and there. I couldn’t eat dinner, and still managed to puke when I got home and then again in the middle of the night after waking up from a dream about us.
A realization that I had after my last post is how little she would compromise on things. A few of you that said that I was a doormat, and you’re right. I somehow let so many things slip that I shouldn’t have. It was her first serious relationship, she wasn’t used to having to compromise much. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She asked so much of me, maybe too much, and I gave to her maybe too freely. But the few times that I asked things of her, she’d almost always say no.
I wanted to watch Home Alone over Christmas. It was a tradition that I shared with my dad, some of my earliest memories are about that. I wanted to continue that tradition and I couldn’t bring myself to do it alone, so I asked her to watch it with me. I explained how important it was. She refused, time after time, every stay at home date we had between Thanksgiving and New Years. She went on rants about how traditions are stupid, and how she hates movies about kids (yet we watched the Harry Potter movies at her request, the first few are made by the same people that made Home Alone). It’s like she didn’t even hear me asking for support when I needed her, she only heard that I was asking her to put up with something she didn’t like for an hour and a half. On the other hand, I never said no to her.
This played out time and time again, in small and big ways. My mom was going to give us the money for our dream vacation to Ireland. All she wanted in return was a nice picture of us in front of something recognizably Irish, a castle or something. She was doing this incredibly nice thing for us, and just asked for that one thing. She just wanted to see me happy, traveling the world with the person I love, after having to give up the last 4 years of my life dealing with my dad’s illness (along with losing all of my grandparents and 2 uncles in the same timeframe) But my ex didn’t like having her picture taken. She would put up with it for friends and family, but if I asked her? Never. We have 3 pictures together, all of which are shitty group photos with her friends. Can’t even tell we were a couple.
Then there’s the big thing that led to our breakup. She wanted me to anticipate her needs without her needing to say them. She hated when I asked how best to help her when she was struggling and overwhelmed, saying that I needed to show initiative. She talked a lot about “mental loads” and such. I tried to support her as much as possible (often doing too much, as many of you said), but sometimes I’d miss the mark. She’d get so frustrated with me, and we’d sit down and talk things out. She’d tell me all of these things she needed from me, and I genuinely put in so much effort trying to work on it.
The only thing that I asked for in return is if I missed the mark, to please guide me to what she needed. I did it all the time for her, she was honestly awful at supporting me. If I was venting, had a bad day, all she’d say was “I’m sorry”, and pat me on the back like a puppy. No effort to dig deeper. No words of support or encouragement. Not even a kiss or a hug. I had to show her how I needed support. I never got mad or frustrated, I recognized this was something we had to communicate about and it was my job to open that communication.
So when we’d have those conversations about how she needed support, and she was asking all of these things of me that felt like mind reading, all I asked of her was to do what I did when she missed the mark. Just that one little thing to save our relationship. It was nothing compared to what she was asking from me, and it was for her own benefit. I put in the work, got us 80% of the way there. I knew I couldn’t bridge the gap on my own. I begged her time and time again. But instead of listening and guiding me to what she needed, she did the exact opposite. Full silent treatment at the very first text of support from me, because she wanted something more/different.
That refusal to compromise ruined everything. I know anger is part of the stages of grief, but I’m just so angry all the time. I know you can’t tell based off of what was said here and in my other post, she is genuinely a great person. She didn’t do any of this maliciously. I don’t believe that she’s evil. But I can’t help but to look at all the work I put in vs all the work that she put in, after being told that I wasn’t doing enough and she was putting more effort into the relationship. Being told that she didn't know me when she didn't seem to put in the effort to know me. Being told that it's my fault we didn't have a plan for the future, when I was always bringing it up and she was always shooting me down. Is this what gaslighting is? None of it makes sense and it's driving me insane.
I don’t even know if I’m more angry at her or myself. Should have I been more proactive? Enforced stronger boundaries? Been more clear in what I needed from her? I don’t know. Maybe I am just a doormat. I just know that I hate feeling like this. I don’t want to be that guy that’s angry and bitter about their ex, and I’m terrified that’s exactly what I’m becoming.
2024.05.16 18:00 Timely-Worldliness-3 I’m starting to resent my ex after the fact and I hate myself for it
If you want, you can see my previous very long post about our breakup for more details (this one will also probably be pretty long tbh). Everyone’s comments along with a few therapy sessions made me realize how one sided our relationship was. I’ve been in much longer and more committed relationships than this one, and had much worse breakups all things considered. But I’ve never felt like this. I know that grief isn’t a linear process. It comes in waves. However, I’ve always prided myself on being calm and collected even in the worst of times. I managed to hold it together pretty well when I lost my dad a year and a half ago, and worked through that in a healthy way. Why can’t I do that now? It’s been a month and a half. This should be so much smaller in the grand scheme of things.
I saw her yesterday at the grocery store, we were using self checkouts right next to each other. We ended up basically walking out together. I think she noticed me and just tried to pretend I didn’t exist. I immediately felt sick to my stomach, with this mix of deep sadness and anger. It took everything I had not to fall apart right then and there. I couldn’t eat dinner, and still managed to puke when I got home and then again in the middle of the night after waking up from a dream about us.
A realization that I had after my last post is how little she would compromise on things. A few of you that said that I was a doormat, and you’re right. I somehow let so many things slip that I shouldn’t have. It was her first serious relationship, she wasn’t used to having to compromise much. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She asked so much of me, maybe too much, and I gave to her maybe too freely. But the few times that I asked things of her, she’d almost always say no.
I wanted to watch Home Alone over Christmas. It was a tradition that I shared with my dad, some of my earliest memories are about that. I wanted to continue that tradition and I couldn’t bring myself to do it alone, so I asked her to watch it with me. I explained how important it was. She refused, time after time, every stay at home date we had between Thanksgiving and New Years. She went on rants about how traditions are stupid, and how she hates movies about kids (yet we watched the Harry Potter movies at her request, the first few are made by the same people that made Home Alone). It’s like she didn’t even hear me asking for support when I needed her, she only heard that I was asking her to put up with something she didn’t like for an hour and a half. On the other hand, I never said no to her.
This played out time and time again, in small and big ways. My mom was going to give us the money for our dream vacation to Ireland. All she wanted in return was a nice picture of us in front of something recognizably Irish, a castle or something. She was doing this incredibly nice thing for us, and just asked for that one thing. She just wanted to see me happy, traveling the world with the person I love, after having to give up the last 4 years of my life dealing with my dad’s illness (along with losing all of my grandparents and 2 uncles in the same timeframe) But my ex didn’t like having her picture taken. She would put up with it for friends and family, but if I asked her? Never. We have 3 pictures together, all of which are shitty group photos with her friends. Can’t even tell we were a couple.
Then there’s the big thing that led to our breakup. She wanted me to anticipate her needs without her needing to say them. She hated when I asked how best to help her when she was struggling and overwhelmed, saying that I needed to show initiative. She talked a lot about “mental loads” and such. I tried to support her as much as possible (often doing too much, as many of you said), but sometimes I’d miss the mark. She’d get so frustrated with me, and we’d sit down and talk things out. She’d tell me all of these things she needed from me, and I genuinely put in so much effort trying to work on it.
The only thing that I asked for in return is if I missed the mark, to please guide me to what she needed. I did it all the time for her, she was honestly awful at supporting me. If I was venting, had a bad day, all she’d say was “I’m sorry”, and pat me on the back like a puppy. No effort to dig deeper. No words of support or encouragement. Not even a kiss or a hug. I had to show her how I needed support. I never got mad or frustrated, I recognized this was something we had to communicate about and it was my job to open that communication.
So when we’d have those conversations about how she needed support, and she was asking all of these things of me that felt like mind reading, all I asked of her was to do what I did when she missed the mark. Just that one little thing to save our relationship. It was nothing compared to what she was asking from me, and it was for her own benefit. I put in the work, got us 80% of the way there. I knew I couldn’t bridge the gap on my own. I begged her time and time again. But instead of listening and guiding me to what she needed, she did the exact opposite. Full silent treatment at the very first text of support from me, because she wanted something more/different.
That refusal to compromise ruined everything. I know anger is part of the stages of grief, but I’m just so angry all the time. I know you can’t tell based off of what was said here and in my other post, she is genuinely a great person. She didn’t do any of this maliciously. I don’t believe that she’s evil. But I can’t help but to look at all the work I put in vs all the work that she put in, after being told that I wasn’t doing enough and she was putting more effort into the relationship. Being told that she didn't know me when she didn't seem to put in the effort to know me. Being told that it's my fault we didn't have a plan for the future, when I was always bringing it up and she was always shooting me down. Is this what gaslighting is? None of it makes sense and it's driving me insane.
I don’t even know if I’m more angry at her or myself. Should have I been more proactive? Enforced stronger boundaries? Been more clear in what I needed from her? I don’t know. Maybe I am just a doormat. I just know that I hate feeling like this. I don’t want to be that guy that’s angry and bitter about their ex, and I’m terrified that’s exactly what I’m becoming.
submitted by Timely-Worldliness-3 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
I saw her yesterday at the grocery store, we were using self checkouts right next to each other. We ended up basically walking out together. I think she noticed me and just tried to pretend I didn’t exist. I immediately felt sick to my stomach, with this mix of deep sadness and anger. It took everything I had not to fall apart right then and there. I couldn’t eat dinner, and still managed to puke when I got home and then again in the middle of the night after waking up from a dream about us.
A realization that I had after my last post is how little she would compromise on things. A few of you that said that I was a doormat, and you’re right. I somehow let so many things slip that I shouldn’t have. It was her first serious relationship, she wasn’t used to having to compromise much. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She asked so much of me, maybe too much, and I gave to her maybe too freely. But the few times that I asked things of her, she’d almost always say no.
I wanted to watch Home Alone over Christmas. It was a tradition that I shared with my dad, some of my earliest memories are about that. I wanted to continue that tradition and I couldn’t bring myself to do it alone, so I asked her to watch it with me. I explained how important it was. She refused, time after time, every stay at home date we had between Thanksgiving and New Years. She went on rants about how traditions are stupid, and how she hates movies about kids (yet we watched the Harry Potter movies at her request, the first few are made by the same people that made Home Alone). It’s like she didn’t even hear me asking for support when I needed her, she only heard that I was asking her to put up with something she didn’t like for an hour and a half. On the other hand, I never said no to her.
This played out time and time again, in small and big ways. My mom was going to give us the money for our dream vacation to Ireland. All she wanted in return was a nice picture of us in front of something recognizably Irish, a castle or something. She was doing this incredibly nice thing for us, and just asked for that one thing. She just wanted to see me happy, traveling the world with the person I love, after having to give up the last 4 years of my life dealing with my dad’s illness (along with losing all of my grandparents and 2 uncles in the same timeframe) But my ex didn’t like having her picture taken. She would put up with it for friends and family, but if I asked her? Never. We have 3 pictures together, all of which are shitty group photos with her friends. Can’t even tell we were a couple.
Then there’s the big thing that led to our breakup. She wanted me to anticipate her needs without her needing to say them. She hated when I asked how best to help her when she was struggling and overwhelmed, saying that I needed to show initiative. She talked a lot about “mental loads” and such. I tried to support her as much as possible (often doing too much, as many of you said), but sometimes I’d miss the mark. She’d get so frustrated with me, and we’d sit down and talk things out. She’d tell me all of these things she needed from me, and I genuinely put in so much effort trying to work on it.
The only thing that I asked for in return is if I missed the mark, to please guide me to what she needed. I did it all the time for her, she was honestly awful at supporting me. If I was venting, had a bad day, all she’d say was “I’m sorry”, and pat me on the back like a puppy. No effort to dig deeper. No words of support or encouragement. Not even a kiss or a hug. I had to show her how I needed support. I never got mad or frustrated, I recognized this was something we had to communicate about and it was my job to open that communication.
So when we’d have those conversations about how she needed support, and she was asking all of these things of me that felt like mind reading, all I asked of her was to do what I did when she missed the mark. Just that one little thing to save our relationship. It was nothing compared to what she was asking from me, and it was for her own benefit. I put in the work, got us 80% of the way there. I knew I couldn’t bridge the gap on my own. I begged her time and time again. But instead of listening and guiding me to what she needed, she did the exact opposite. Full silent treatment at the very first text of support from me, because she wanted something more/different.
That refusal to compromise ruined everything. I know anger is part of the stages of grief, but I’m just so angry all the time. I know you can’t tell based off of what was said here and in my other post, she is genuinely a great person. She didn’t do any of this maliciously. I don’t believe that she’s evil. But I can’t help but to look at all the work I put in vs all the work that she put in, after being told that I wasn’t doing enough and she was putting more effort into the relationship. Being told that she didn't know me when she didn't seem to put in the effort to know me. Being told that it's my fault we didn't have a plan for the future, when I was always bringing it up and she was always shooting me down. Is this what gaslighting is? None of it makes sense and it's driving me insane.
I don’t even know if I’m more angry at her or myself. Should have I been more proactive? Enforced stronger boundaries? Been more clear in what I needed from her? I don’t know. Maybe I am just a doormat. I just know that I hate feeling like this. I don’t want to be that guy that’s angry and bitter about their ex, and I’m terrified that’s exactly what I’m becoming.
2024.05.16 17:51 solrac137 I have been alone for 4 years and I feel it affects me more than it should.
Back in 2020 I was in an extremely toxic relationship, I got insulted, physically and psychologically mistreated, and cheated on, said relationship lasted for 3 years ( 2017 - 2020) , after it ended, I spent most of 2020 with no interest of starting a new relationship, and only start thinking about it seriously around early 2021.
I used to be overweight , very sedentary, very out of shape , insecure about my physique, and took little care of me, which lead to many self steem issues but that's another story altogether.
Since 2021, I have been working out lost 20kg, gained a considerable amount of muscle and got more fit, I try to go to the gym 4 times a week, and I like my physical look far more than in any other previous point of my life, with that in my mind I decided to try dating again.
It has been 3 years of failures basically, on one side I have been traveling a lot, since I decided to geta masters degree outside of my country and now I'm following a PhD. I tried meeting people, using dating apps, and everything has failed, while I was doing my masters and now that I'm doing the Phd as well. It has been a constant stream of rejections, and while I try to keep myself busy to not think about it too much, or tell myself that there are much more important things, when I get back home and I'm alone in my apartment specially on weekends, it starts weighting on me.
I feel like I'm in this vicious cycle, so many years alone make me yearn for being liked or desired, I have been trying to work on me a lot , and yet I never felt as lonely as I feel now, the loneliness makes me wish to be with someone which I know is not wise, and I guess there is some subconscious desperation which maybe makes me unnatractive, but I feel like this because I'm alone and so on and on.
I have many friends but most of them live in my homecountry and its a different kind of love of course, everytime I am alone at home or a weekend arrives I start getting these feelings of loneliness and it sucks.
submitted by solrac137 to offmychest [link] [comments]
I used to be overweight , very sedentary, very out of shape , insecure about my physique, and took little care of me, which lead to many self steem issues but that's another story altogether.
Since 2021, I have been working out lost 20kg, gained a considerable amount of muscle and got more fit, I try to go to the gym 4 times a week, and I like my physical look far more than in any other previous point of my life, with that in my mind I decided to try dating again.
It has been 3 years of failures basically, on one side I have been traveling a lot, since I decided to geta masters degree outside of my country and now I'm following a PhD. I tried meeting people, using dating apps, and everything has failed, while I was doing my masters and now that I'm doing the Phd as well. It has been a constant stream of rejections, and while I try to keep myself busy to not think about it too much, or tell myself that there are much more important things, when I get back home and I'm alone in my apartment specially on weekends, it starts weighting on me.
I feel like I'm in this vicious cycle, so many years alone make me yearn for being liked or desired, I have been trying to work on me a lot , and yet I never felt as lonely as I feel now, the loneliness makes me wish to be with someone which I know is not wise, and I guess there is some subconscious desperation which maybe makes me unnatractive, but I feel like this because I'm alone and so on and on.
I have many friends but most of them live in my homecountry and its a different kind of love of course, everytime I am alone at home or a weekend arrives I start getting these feelings of loneliness and it sucks.
2024.05.16 17:50 thingsandstuff4me What's your thoughts ?
Does anyone else with limerance feel like they can't handle real relationships and deliberately seek limerance?
Like you feel like you won't be able to be good enough for a real relationship you don't feel like you actually want to be loved and you feel like you need the pain of non reciprocation ?.
Like my self esteem is so bad that if I was loved by someone I would freak out.
When men ask me on dates I can't handle it
When men are nice to me I can't handle it
When someone is unnatainabkw emotionally I go nuts for them.
I feel like I am too old to be fixed
submitted by thingsandstuff4me to limerence [link] [comments]
Like you feel like you won't be able to be good enough for a real relationship you don't feel like you actually want to be loved and you feel like you need the pain of non reciprocation ?.
Like my self esteem is so bad that if I was loved by someone I would freak out.
When men ask me on dates I can't handle it
When men are nice to me I can't handle it
When someone is unnatainabkw emotionally I go nuts for them.
I feel like I am too old to be fixed
2024.05.16 17:49 Revolutionary_Path71 How can I(20F) help my bf(18M)? Is this relationship dead?
Suicide and self harm are mentioned, please be careful.
I, 20f and my bf, 18M have been dating for 7 months now, LDR. We both have depression. And horribly enough we both met each other the night we were planning on ending it. Since then I have tried really hard to improve on my issues since I want to be happy with him. I know our relationship kinda started off weird, we didn't know what the other was planning on doing that night until about 4 months into dating.
I stopped taking my anti-depressants because he hates them and was clear he didnt want me taking them. He goes to a psychologist and is un medicated as well. Our relationship started out lovely. At 5 months it got harder but I figured it was my anxious attachment style and that maybe that 'honeymoon' phase was over.
His depression started getting worse and the things I used to do for him no longer worked to help. NOTHING helps. And now, seven months in I feel basically single. I have a bf for about 30 minutes at night and that's it. I have been trying to help, offering to do things with him; watch a show together, play games he liked a lot, but he never plays games anymore bc its a 'waste of time' but all he does is lay in bed and watch tik tok all day. And still somehow manages to barely talk to me at all. He is still in school and no longer goes at all. I have offered even just calling him and we can just do our own things but I can just 'be there with him' or I could help him with his homework. He says no or ignores all of it.
For the last month I have been telling him how much I miss him, I love him and I feel so lonely. He played a game he used to like with me for about 30 minutes in return and made it VERY obvious he hated it and was NOT enjoying it at all. I'm not dating the same person anymore. So this morning at 2 am when we usually sleep I told him how I felt; that I feel like I'm dating a ghost. He spent the next 2 hours telling me reasons I should break up with him.
I know I'm not perfect, and I have made mistakes in this relationship. We almost broke up because we made plans earlier in the day at the 4.5 month point and as I have unmedicated ADHD I completely forgot and I have severe time blindness. It took weeks of apologizing and being obsessive about remembering everything for him to finally even consider doing something with me again. I get anxious the moment his behaviour changes, I try hard to stop it, I'm getting better at it but I know it has taken a toll. And even worse, I used to self harm and the first time he found out it was a day he did nothing with me at all and I felt horribly lonely and I have felt guilty ever since for making him feel like spending time with his friends instead of me could be wrong. I have apologized so much for this and said there is nothing wrong with spending time with other people and having fun and only sh once after that and have never done it again because I dont want to hurt him or myself because I love him. I know I have done horrible harm to this relationship. I'm sorry.
Is there anything I can do to help him? I want to help him so much. Am I just in a dead relationship? He wanted to marry me.
submitted by Revolutionary_Path71 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I, 20f and my bf, 18M have been dating for 7 months now, LDR. We both have depression. And horribly enough we both met each other the night we were planning on ending it. Since then I have tried really hard to improve on my issues since I want to be happy with him. I know our relationship kinda started off weird, we didn't know what the other was planning on doing that night until about 4 months into dating.
I stopped taking my anti-depressants because he hates them and was clear he didnt want me taking them. He goes to a psychologist and is un medicated as well. Our relationship started out lovely. At 5 months it got harder but I figured it was my anxious attachment style and that maybe that 'honeymoon' phase was over.
His depression started getting worse and the things I used to do for him no longer worked to help. NOTHING helps. And now, seven months in I feel basically single. I have a bf for about 30 minutes at night and that's it. I have been trying to help, offering to do things with him; watch a show together, play games he liked a lot, but he never plays games anymore bc its a 'waste of time' but all he does is lay in bed and watch tik tok all day. And still somehow manages to barely talk to me at all. He is still in school and no longer goes at all. I have offered even just calling him and we can just do our own things but I can just 'be there with him' or I could help him with his homework. He says no or ignores all of it.
For the last month I have been telling him how much I miss him, I love him and I feel so lonely. He played a game he used to like with me for about 30 minutes in return and made it VERY obvious he hated it and was NOT enjoying it at all. I'm not dating the same person anymore. So this morning at 2 am when we usually sleep I told him how I felt; that I feel like I'm dating a ghost. He spent the next 2 hours telling me reasons I should break up with him.
I know I'm not perfect, and I have made mistakes in this relationship. We almost broke up because we made plans earlier in the day at the 4.5 month point and as I have unmedicated ADHD I completely forgot and I have severe time blindness. It took weeks of apologizing and being obsessive about remembering everything for him to finally even consider doing something with me again. I get anxious the moment his behaviour changes, I try hard to stop it, I'm getting better at it but I know it has taken a toll. And even worse, I used to self harm and the first time he found out it was a day he did nothing with me at all and I felt horribly lonely and I have felt guilty ever since for making him feel like spending time with his friends instead of me could be wrong. I have apologized so much for this and said there is nothing wrong with spending time with other people and having fun and only sh once after that and have never done it again because I dont want to hurt him or myself because I love him. I know I have done horrible harm to this relationship. I'm sorry.
Is there anything I can do to help him? I want to help him so much. Am I just in a dead relationship? He wanted to marry me.
2024.05.16 17:46 Lila25071 I can’t stop obsessing over someone who’s no good
I’m a girl, 18F, hungout with a 20M guy 3 weeks ago today. He strung me along, I really got my hopes up as I always do, and we had a very intense hangout for the first time hanging out. He tried to initiate sex i said no, and that I’m waiting. By intense I don’t mean sexually I just mean we hung out literally all night, spontaneously made the plans that same night, and had so much fun. Went home crying bc he felt like my boyfriend, and I missed that sort of companionship. I didn’t want anything sexual, and me being my naive and optimistic self hoped he didn’t either, although deep down I think I knew that’s what he wanted. A few days later after he started pulling back in his texting, being a lot dryer, I asked him why he was hesitant. He said it was because he felt our first hangout was super intense. I agreed, totally was too intense. When he said this though, it seemed he had the intention of dialing things down to be slower, with the intention of still hanging out. I had so much hope. Then after him still being dry, I asked again due to me still being unclear on his answer, and I sensed some dishonesty in it. This answer was the truthful one. He said “we don’t want the same things. I want to establish friends with benefits for summer” essentially meaning he didn’t want a relationship with me. Yes, it is his loss anyway, and he’s not even Christian, I wouldn’t even marry him, but holy crap I am so hurt and ashamed. I am ashamed I even lowered my standards like this, I’m so strong until a guy comes along and I immediately let my guard down, hopes to the max. I haven’t dated in a while and I guess when we hung out I realized how much I missed the companionship. He’s really nothing that I’m looking for, but I’m so upset. This whole ordeal has removed me from God so far. I have barely been praying. I feel unworthy. And like an absolute idiot because I know God wouldn’t want me anywhere near this guy. He only wanted one thing from me and could care less about me. I feel used. Anyone with the same experience, please reply. Any advice appreciated as well.
submitted by Lila25071 to Christianity [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 17:41 jp_1896 Wondering if what I'm experiencing is normal within this community
Hey guys! Long time lurker, first time poster (I think... maybe i posted something some years ago, I don't know).
I've been struggling with some complicated mental health stuff, and I'm wondering if what I'm feeling is "normal" and looking for others with similar experiences.
First, some background info: I (28M) am a gay cis man that has had a lot of his life shaped by heterosexual influences. I haven't formed any profound LGBT friendships throughout most of my life, I also haven't had an actual healthy relationship until last year, and I am very straight-passing (or at least I used to be).
Fast-forward to last year, I met an incredible guy and we've been dating for little over a year now. And let me tell you, this man has done absolute wonders for my mental health, for my self-image and for my general personal growth. But he has a very different life history and background than I do. Since he isn't as straight-passing as I am, he struggled a lot more with homophobia than I did, and he hasn't had a lot of straight friends, instead finding love and acceptance in the LGBT community. So as we get to know each other, he has introduced me to a lot of staples of LGBT life that were so far kinda missing from my experience.
The problem is, the more I delve into it, the more I challenge the cornerstones of my personality and I've been finding more and more that I don't really know who I am anymore.
For example, I had never watched RuPaul's Drag Race, something some would argue is a seminal experience in a gay man's life, until he introduced me to it last year. Since then I have watched 12 seasons (and still going) and am absolutely fascinated with the show and drag in general to an extent I've only ever been fascinated by with gaming and souls-likes, which he claims is a very "straight-people hobby".
And this is where things get messy for me. I see all these fun gay men on TV, and met so many LGBT people through my BF... and I just don't feel like I measure up to them, personality-wise. Meanwhile, when I set at the table with straight people I feel like I can shoot up the ocasional "gurl" and some of them act like I'm the most interesting person they've ever seen. But this also doesn't really feel like me, it feels like I'm imitating these big personalities I've met recently. When I speak it doesn't sound like me, I can almost hear my BF or one of his friends or one of the funnier drag queens I've seen talking through me.
I feel kinda empty. Like I'm not really a person, but a caricature of one I've built to suit whichever social circle I was trying to fit into, and now I don't really know who I am. It doesn't help that I have very isolationist tendencies, and I have made a fantastic job of creating some really high walls and reservations as a defense mechanism, but now I don't really know how to let people in, and I don't even know if there is anything in here.
I just really feel empty and void. I don't have a personality, I don't have anything interesting going on, all my problems feel very small, all my struggles feel invalid, my life feels bland and I have no uniqueness to speak of. I'm a nothing salad, I just learned to add a bit of seasoning when trying to impress someone else.
this kinda turned into a weird rant. I don't really know where i'm going with this anymore...
I think i might be done with everything.
submitted by jp_1896 to lgbt [link] [comments]
I've been struggling with some complicated mental health stuff, and I'm wondering if what I'm feeling is "normal" and looking for others with similar experiences.
First, some background info: I (28M) am a gay cis man that has had a lot of his life shaped by heterosexual influences. I haven't formed any profound LGBT friendships throughout most of my life, I also haven't had an actual healthy relationship until last year, and I am very straight-passing (or at least I used to be).
Fast-forward to last year, I met an incredible guy and we've been dating for little over a year now. And let me tell you, this man has done absolute wonders for my mental health, for my self-image and for my general personal growth. But he has a very different life history and background than I do. Since he isn't as straight-passing as I am, he struggled a lot more with homophobia than I did, and he hasn't had a lot of straight friends, instead finding love and acceptance in the LGBT community. So as we get to know each other, he has introduced me to a lot of staples of LGBT life that were so far kinda missing from my experience.
The problem is, the more I delve into it, the more I challenge the cornerstones of my personality and I've been finding more and more that I don't really know who I am anymore.
For example, I had never watched RuPaul's Drag Race, something some would argue is a seminal experience in a gay man's life, until he introduced me to it last year. Since then I have watched 12 seasons (and still going) and am absolutely fascinated with the show and drag in general to an extent I've only ever been fascinated by with gaming and souls-likes, which he claims is a very "straight-people hobby".
And this is where things get messy for me. I see all these fun gay men on TV, and met so many LGBT people through my BF... and I just don't feel like I measure up to them, personality-wise. Meanwhile, when I set at the table with straight people I feel like I can shoot up the ocasional "gurl" and some of them act like I'm the most interesting person they've ever seen. But this also doesn't really feel like me, it feels like I'm imitating these big personalities I've met recently. When I speak it doesn't sound like me, I can almost hear my BF or one of his friends or one of the funnier drag queens I've seen talking through me.
I feel kinda empty. Like I'm not really a person, but a caricature of one I've built to suit whichever social circle I was trying to fit into, and now I don't really know who I am. It doesn't help that I have very isolationist tendencies, and I have made a fantastic job of creating some really high walls and reservations as a defense mechanism, but now I don't really know how to let people in, and I don't even know if there is anything in here.
I just really feel empty and void. I don't have a personality, I don't have anything interesting going on, all my problems feel very small, all my struggles feel invalid, my life feels bland and I have no uniqueness to speak of. I'm a nothing salad, I just learned to add a bit of seasoning when trying to impress someone else.
this kinda turned into a weird rant. I don't really know where i'm going with this anymore...
I think i might be done with everything.
2024.05.16 17:41 Sweet-Count2557 Best Weekend Getaways in Arkansas
 | Best Weekend Getaways in Arkansas Are you ready for an epic adventure in Arkansas? Well, buckle up and join us as we embark on a journey through the best weekend getaways this amazing state has to offer.From the charming streets of Eureka Springs to the rejuvenating hot springs of Hot Springs National Park, there's something for everyone to enjoy.So grab your bags, hop in the car, and get ready to experience the freedom and beauty of Arkansas like never before.Let's hit the road!Key TakeawaysEureka Springs offers historic hotels, cozy bed and breakfasts, and a romantic spa option for weekend getaways.Hot Springs features Garvan Woodland Gardens, Hot Springs National Park, and the famous Bathhouse Row for a relaxing and therapeutic experience.Arkansas offers natural beauty and outdoor activities at Buffalo National River, Petit Jean State Park, and Mount Magazine State Park.Other cities like Bentonville, Little Rock, and Siloam Springs provide cultural attractions, art museums, and historic downtown districts to explore.Eureka Springs: Historic Charm and Cozy RetreatsWhen it comes to Eureka Springs, we can't resist the historic charm and cozy retreats it offers. Nestled in the heart of Arkansas, this enchanting town is the perfect destination for weekend getaways in Arkansas. With its Victorian architecture and quaint streets, Eureka Springs takes you back in time while offering a variety of modern amenities and activities.One of the highlights of Eureka Springs is the iconic 1886 Crescent Hotel and Spa. This historic hotel boasts a rich history and offers various room options to suit every traveler's needs. Whether you prefer a luxurious suite or a charming cottage, the Crescent Hotel has it all. In addition to its accommodation options, the hotel also features a spa where you can indulge in relaxation and rejuvenation.For a more intimate experience, the Cliff Cottage Inn is the perfect choice. This cozy bed and breakfast is located in the heart of downtown Eureka Springs, offering a prime location for exploring the town's charming shops and restaurants. Each cottage is uniquely decorated and equipped with modern amenities to ensure a comfortable stay.If you're looking for a romantic getaway, the New Orleans Hotel & Spa is the ideal choice. This boutique hotel offers luxurious accommodations and a relaxing spa, perfect for couples seeking a weekend of pampering and relaxation.In addition to its cozy retreats, Eureka Springs is also home to a number of historic attractions. The town itself is listed on the National Register of Historic Places, and its Victorian architecture is a sight to behold. Attractions like the Blue Spring Heritage Center and the Thorncrown Chapel showcase the town's rich history and offer a glimpse into its past.For those seeking outdoor adventures, Eureka Springs is surrounded by natural beauty. The nearby Hot Springs National Park is famous for its natural hot springs with therapeutic properties. Take a hike along Bathhouse Row and enjoy the scenic views or relax and soak in the healing waters.Hot Springs: Soak in Nature's Healing WatersLet's take a dip in the healing waters of Hot Springs and experience the rejuvenating power of nature. Located in Arkansas, Hot Springs is a city known for its natural hot springs and the therapeutic benefits they offer. As we immerse ourselves in these warm, mineral-rich waters, we can feel the stress and tension melt away, leaving us refreshed and renewed.Hot Springs National Park is a must-visit destination in the city. Here, we can explore the historic Bathhouse Row, a collection of beautiful bathhouses that date back to the early 20th century. These bathhouses were once frequented by celebrities and dignitaries seeking the healing waters. Today, we can still enjoy a soak in the thermal baths, just as they did in the past.In addition to the hot springs, Hot Springs offers stunning lakes such as Lake Catherine and Lake Hamilton. These picturesque bodies of water provide the perfect backdrop for a variety of recreational activities, including boating, fishing, and water sports. We can spend a day on the water, enjoying the sun, the gentle breeze, and the breathtaking views.For those seeking a more secluded experience, there are several hiking trails in the area that lead to hidden hot springs. These natural pools can be found nestled among the lush greenery of the Ouachita Mountains, offering a serene and tranquil escape from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.Hot Springs truly is a haven for those seeking relaxation and rejuvenation. Whether we choose to unwind in the famous thermal baths or explore the beauty of the surrounding lakes and mountains, we're sure to find solace in the healing waters of this remarkable city. So let's pack our bags, leave our worries behind, and immerse ourselves in the soothing embrace of Hot Springs.Explore the Natural Beauty of Buffalo National RiverWe can experience the breathtaking natural beauty of Buffalo National River through activities such as canoeing, kayaking, and fishing. Nestled in the heart of the Ozark Mountains, the Buffalo National River offers a truly immersive experience in nature. Here are two ways we can enjoy this stunning destination:Canoeing and Kayaking: The Buffalo National River is renowned for its pristine waters, making it an ideal spot for canoeing and kayaking. As we paddle along the river, we'll be surrounded by towering limestone bluffs, lush forests, and peaceful meadows. The river's gentle current provides a tranquil journey, allowing us to fully appreciate the serenity of our surroundings. We may even catch a glimpse of wildlife such as deer, turkeys, or even a majestic bald eagle soaring above us.Fishing: For those seeking a more relaxed experience, fishing in the Buffalo National River is a must. The river is teeming with a variety of fish, including smallmouth bass, catfish, and trout. Casting our lines into the crystal-clear water, we'll feel a sense of anticipation as we wait for the gentle tug of a fish on our line. Whether we're experienced anglers or just starting out, the river provides ample opportunities for a successful day of fishing.With its unspoiled beauty and diverse recreational opportunities, the Buffalo National River is a haven for nature lovers and adventure seekers alike. Whether we're gliding through the water on a canoe or casting our line into the river, we'll be surrounded by the freedom of the great outdoors. So let's grab our paddles, fishing rods, and immerse ourselves in the natural wonders of the Buffalo National River.Bentonville: Art, Culture, and Outdoor AdventuresOur visit to Bentonville will be filled with numerous art, culture, and outdoor adventures to enjoy. Bentonville is a vibrant city located in northwest Arkansas, known for its rich cultural heritage and thriving arts scene.One of the main attractions in Bentonville is the renowned Crystal Bridges Museum of American Art. This world-class museum houses an impressive collection of American artwork, including pieces by iconic artists such as Georgia O'Keeffe and Andy Warhol. As we wander through the museum's galleries, we'll be captivated by the diverse range of artistic styles and mediums on display.In addition to the museum, Bentonville offers various outdoor adventures for those seeking an active experience. The city is surrounded by beautiful natural landscapes, including the Ozark Mountains and nearby lakes. We can explore the picturesque trails and parks, perfect for hiking, biking, and wildlife spotting. For those interested in water activities, Beaver Lake provides opportunities for fishing, boating, and swimming.Bentonville also boasts a vibrant cultural scene, with numerous events and festivals taking place throughout the year. The city's downtown area is filled with charming shops, galleries, and restaurants, offering a unique blend of local flavors and international cuisine. We can immerse ourselves in the city's rich history by visiting the Walmart Museum, which tells the story of the retail giant's humble beginnings.As we explore Bentonville, we'll be delighted by the city's blend of art, culture, and outdoor adventures. Whether we're strolling through the museum, hiking in the mountains, or indulging in delicious cuisine, Bentonville offers something for everyone.This weekend getaway will truly be a memorable experience, allowing us to embrace freedom and enjoy all that this vibrant city has to offer.Petit Jean State Park: Waterfalls and Scenic OverlooksGet ready to be mesmerized by the natural beauty of Petit Jean State Park!With its majestic waterfall hikes and breathtaking scenic viewpoints, this park is a nature lover's paradise.Whether you're exploring the trails that lead to stunning waterfalls or taking in the panoramic views from the park's scenic overlooks, there's no shortage of awe-inspiring sights to behold at Petit Jean State Park.Majestic Waterfall HikesLocated within Petit Jean State Park, visitors can experience the beauty of majestic waterfalls and scenic overlooks. Immerse yourself in the wonders of nature as you embark on these breathtaking waterfall hikes:Cedar Falls: Prepare to be awestruck as you witness the tumbling waters of Cedar Falls, cascading down a 95-foot drop. The trail leading to this magnificent waterfall offers stunning views of the surrounding landscape, with vibrant foliage and limestone bluffs.Seven Hollows Trail: This trail takes you on a journey through a captivating landscape, where you'll encounter seven unique hollows, each with its own distinct charm. Along the way, you'll pass enchanting waterfalls, rock formations, and lush greenery, creating a sense of tranquility and wonder.As you explore these majestic waterfall hikes in Petit Jean State Park, let the freedom of the outdoors embrace you, rejuvenating your spirit and leaving you with memories that will last a lifetime.Breathtaking Scenic ViewpointsLet's take in the breathtaking scenic viewpoints at Petit Jean State Park, where we can marvel at the waterfalls and enjoy the stunning overlooks.This state park, located in the heart of Arkansas, offers a true escape into nature's beauty. As we embark on our journey through the park, we'll be greeted by cascading waterfalls that create a symphony of sound and a visual spectacle. The waterfalls, such as Cedar Falls and Eighteen Foot Falls, are a sight to behold and provide the perfect backdrop for a peaceful moment of reflection.As we venture further, we'll encounter the park's scenic overlooks, offering panoramic views of the surrounding valleys and mountains. From these vantage points, we can witness nature's vastness and feel a sense of freedom as we take in the expansive landscapes.Petit Jean State Park is a sanctuary of natural wonders, where we can truly immerse ourselves in the beauty of Arkansas.Mount Magazine: Majestic Views and Thrilling ActivitiesGet ready for an adrenaline-pumping adventure at Mount Magazine, where we'll experience the thrill of hang gliding and paragliding.Imagine soaring through the sky, feeling the rush of the wind as you take in the breathtaking views from above.With its status as the highest point in Arkansas, Mount Magazine offers a truly majestic experience that will leave you in awe.Hang Gliding AdventureWe can experience an exhilarating hang gliding adventure at Mount Magazine, where we can enjoy majestic views and engage in thrilling activities. Mount Magazine, the highest point in Arkansas, offers the perfect setting for hang gliding.Here are two reasons why this adventure is a must-try:Majestic Views:Soar through the sky and witness breathtaking panoramic views of the surrounding landscape.Take in the beauty of the lush forests, rolling hills, and scenic valleys below.Thrilling Activities:Feel the rush of adrenaline as you glide through the air, experiencing the freedom of flight.Challenge yourself by learning new skills and techniques under the guidance of experienced instructors.Whether you're a seasoned glider or a first-timer, the hang gliding adventure at Mount Magazine promises an unforgettable experience filled with freedom, excitement, and awe-inspiring views. Get ready to soar to new heights and create memories that will last a lifetime.Spectacular Views From AboveFor an unforgettable experience, we can explore the spectacular views from above at Mount Magazine, where we can enjoy majestic views and engage in thrilling activities. Mount Magazine is the highest point in Arkansas, offering breathtaking panoramic views of the surrounding landscape. With its diverse flora and fauna, the Ouachita Mountains provide a stunning backdrop for outdoor enthusiasts seeking adventure. The activities available at Mount Magazine include hang gliding, paragliding, hiking, and mountain biking, allowing visitors to experience the beauty of the area from different perspectives. Whether soaring through the air or traversing the trails, the exhilaration of being high above the ground is sure to create a sense of freedom and liberation. Take a look at the table below for a summary of the thrilling activities and majestic views that await at Mount Magazine.ActivityDescriptionHang GlidingSoar through the sky and experience true freedomParaglidingGlide effortlessly and enjoy the stunning vistasHikingExplore the trails and immerse yourself in natureMountain BikingFeel the adrenaline as you ride through the mountainsWildlife ViewingObserve the diverse flora and fauna in their natural habitatCome to Mount Magazine for an extraordinary escape where you can revel in the beauty of nature and feel a sense of liberation as you take in the spectacular views from above.Experience History and Blues in HelenaOne of the highlights of visiting Helena is experiencing the rich history and vibrant blues music culture. As you wander through the streets of this historic city, you can't help but feel the echoes of the past. Here are some ways to fully immerse yourself in the history and blues of Helena:Explore the historic attractions:Fort Curtis: Step back in time and visit this Civil War-era fort, which played a crucial role in the Battle of Helena. The fort offers a glimpse into the city's rich military history.Centennial Baptist Church: This historic church has been a cornerstone of the community since 1863. Take a guided tour to learn about its significance during the Civil Rights Movement.Indulge in the blues music scene:Live Concerts: Catch a live blues performance at one of the local venues, where talented musicians bring the soulful sounds of the Delta to life. From intimate settings to lively festivals, there's always something happening in Helena.King Biscuit Blues Festival: Plan your visit around this iconic annual event, which attracts blues enthusiasts from near and far. Enjoy performances by renowned artists, savor delicious Southern cuisine, and soak in the electric atmosphere.Immerse yourself in the stories of the past and the soul-stirring sounds of the blues. Helena offers a unique blend of history and music that will leave you feeling inspired and connected to the spirit of freedom that permeates this vibrant city.Frequently Asked QuestionsWhat Are Some Popular Outdoor Activities in Hot Springs National Park?Some popular outdoor activities in Hot Springs National Park include:Hiking, where you can explore the park's beautiful trails and take in breathtaking views.Enjoying picnicking in scenic areas.Fishing in the park's lakes and rivers.Wildlife viewing, where you might spot deer, birds, and other creatures.Camping and scenic drives, allowing you to fully immerse yourself in nature's beauty.What Are the Must-See Attractions in Bentonville, Arkansas?In Bentonville, Arkansas, there are several must-see attractions that shouldn't be missed.The Walmart Museum offers a fascinating look into the history of this retail giant.The Museum of Native American History showcases a stunning collection of Native American artifacts.And don't forget to explore the outdoor sculpture trails at Crystal Bridges Museum of American Art.Bentonville has something for everyone, whether you're interested in history, art, or simply enjoying the beautiful surroundings.Can You Swim or Participate in Water Activities in Buffalo National River?Yes, you can swim and participate in water activities in Buffalo National River.The river offers a scenic and serene environment for canoeing, kayaking, and fishing. Imagine yourself paddling along the crystal-clear waters, surrounded by stunning cliffs and lush forests.You can also go wildlife viewing and even camp along the riverbanks.Buffalo National River provides the perfect getaway for nature lovers and outdoor enthusiasts seeking adventure and relaxation.Are There Any Accommodations Available in Petit Jean State Park?Yes, there are accommodations available in Petit Jean State Park. The park offers Mather Lodge, a charming lodge nestled in the natural beauty of the park. Mather Lodge provides comfortable rooms and dining options, making it a perfect place to stay during your weekend getaway.With its stunning waterfalls and breathtaking overlooks, Petit Jean State Park is a nature lover's paradise. Whether you're hiking or simply enjoying the scenery, this park offers a truly memorable experience.What Are Some Historical Sites to Visit in Helena, Arkansas?Some historical sites to visit in Helena, Arkansas are Fort Curtis and Centennial Baptist Church.Fort Curtis holds significant historical significance, and Centennial Baptist Church is a beautiful and important landmark.Helena is known for its rich blues music culture, with live concerts and festivals that showcase the city's vibrant musical heritage.Exploring these historical sites and immersing yourself in the city's musical culture will make for a memorable weekend getaway in Helena, Arkansas.ConclusionIn conclusion, Arkansas truly offers the best weekend getaways for all types of travelers. Whether you're seeking a charming and historic retreat in Eureka Springs, a rejuvenating soak in Hot Springs, or an adventure in the great outdoors, this state has it all.Did you know that Arkansas is home to over 600,000 acres of lakes and 9,700 miles of streams and rivers? That's plenty of water for fishing, boating, and other water activities.So, come and experience the natural wonders and rich culture of Arkansas on your next getaway! submitted by Sweet-Count2557 to worldkidstravel [link] [comments] |
2024.05.16 17:39 norawilder Dating as a 30+ child free woman. Did you change your mind after meeting a great partner?
I'm (32F) struggling a bit this week because I had a recent breakup with a wonderful person (36M). We met online, where my profile states "Does not want kids". On our first date HE brought it up, and even said "I don't think I want kids". I was relieved and expressed that I do not want to be a mother.
He recently initiated a conversation about our future, leading with the revelation that he not only wants kids, it's his purpose in life. I had a very negative reaction, and we agreed to break up. Looking back, we argued more about the hypothetical logistics of children. But it still stands that we want different things for the future..
Today I'm questioning everything, and it's because I miss him. You hear about certain women -"I didn’t think I wanted kids until I met my partner, now we have to agree on how many we want!". Is that just confirmation bias? I have this feeling that me not being maternal means I'm cold and self-sabotaging of good relationships. But the truth is I have never felt the urge for motherhood and I actually can't relate to people who want them. It feels like navigating life as a single woman would actually be easier if I wanted kids like everyone else seems to.
submitted by norawilder to AskWomenOver30 [link] [comments]
He recently initiated a conversation about our future, leading with the revelation that he not only wants kids, it's his purpose in life. I had a very negative reaction, and we agreed to break up. Looking back, we argued more about the hypothetical logistics of children. But it still stands that we want different things for the future..
Today I'm questioning everything, and it's because I miss him. You hear about certain women -"I didn’t think I wanted kids until I met my partner, now we have to agree on how many we want!". Is that just confirmation bias? I have this feeling that me not being maternal means I'm cold and self-sabotaging of good relationships. But the truth is I have never felt the urge for motherhood and I actually can't relate to people who want them. It feels like navigating life as a single woman would actually be easier if I wanted kids like everyone else seems to.
2024.05.16 17:36 l3vmx confused!! advice pls!
so me and my ex properly broke up about 2 weeks ago now purely based on him not being happy with himself and wanting to be a better man, which i completely supported but before this (like a month) he told me he needed space and wanted to stop doing things like calling before bed and seeing me during the week. a couple days after he asked for space he picked me up from my house and we drove somewhere to 'talk', I couldn't stop crying and he was holding me telling me he loved me and we weren't breaking up, it was purely for himself and his mental state i guess. even though i was confused and hurt i still went out of my way to try to understand him and where he was coming from but after that night he didn't take any space from me, js went straight back to normal which left me more confused. fast forward a month we get into an argument and he says he doesn't want this anymore, i don't mean anything to him and i'm starting to annoy him, i don't text him that night but the following day i asked if we were going to talk about this and he just says no. i got a bit crazy and blew up his phone to which i didn't get a response for days where he told me people change, feelings change and he couldn't break up with me in person bc otherwise it would be like last time??? but the "last time" in question was when he was literally in my house comforting me while i was crying saying he wasnt leaving. anyways, he still kept me on all his socials and msgd me at abt a week later on SNAPCHAT and said hi hry, then to follow it up with im only here to comfort you but if its not working we shouldnt talk at all. after that i wasnt just sad i was mad, because i saw him 3 days prior to the phone-call break up and everything was perfect, he bought me flowers, showed me love and affection and so on. i removed him on snapchat trying to fight every urge to talk to him but i couldnt help it and texted him on imessage, just to be ghosted, so i texted again and no response, bear in mind he told me he would be open to calling if i wanted to then that same night my friend shows me his profile on a dating site which makes me lose my shit even more, i blocked all his socials, confronted him which was still met with no response, i know technically he is single but i feel as though emotionally he isnt, he was keeping contact or was he ??? idk anymore. less than a week and he is completely detached even though every act of intimacy and love a person can experience, we did together. i think im just in-denial bc i am convinced hes going to come back. idk. i've tried getting advice from friends but none of them have ever been as deeply in love as we were together in our relationship, atleast i thought we were anyway seems like it was all a lie now especially when it was a mutual agreement that once he had found his peace we would get back together.
submitted by l3vmx to BreakUps [link] [comments]