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About six months ago, in November, I started my journey through the "Chronicles of Chrestomanci," which of course are not really a series as much as a collection of books which all take place in the same set of universes. I read everything in order of publication, posting my thoughts here each time, and with the completion of this book I am now all the way through these wonderful novels. Please forgive my lack of direct quotes this time--having read nothing else for fun besides these books for six months, I found my note-taking capacity to be somewhat diminished. Maybe in the future I'll write a more detailed review.
The Pinhoe Egg is the final Chrestomanci book, whether you're reading them in order of publication or chronologically. I have no doubt Diana Wynne Jones did not intend this to be a "series" with a beginning and end; rather, I assume she simply got several book ideas that took place in this world, and this happened to be the last time before she died. It is sheer luck, then, that this last book is a sort of grand culmination of them both thematically and narratively, and possibly the best of the lot.
We start, typically, with a new protagonist, Marianne Pinhoe, and a new locale, the small rural village of Ulverscote, located a stone's throw from Chrestomanci Castle and Helm St. Mary. I liked that we got a little more background about this area throughout the book. When I go back to reread Charmed Life, I'm looking forward to putting it all into this new context.
Marianne became a favorite character almost instantly, and I was hooked on her storyline right from the beginning. Jones has a typically virtuosic opening sequence, wasting no time in establishing the key characters and launching into a dreadfully funny episode telling of Marianne's grandmother (who is also a kind of matriarch or "Gammer" over all the Pinhoes) apparently abruptly developing dementia and being forcibly removed from her home. There is black comedy galore here, all painfully adjacent to the real experience of making arrangements for a feeble or senile parent, as when Gammer is so averse to leaving her home that she roots herself in the bed, complete with actual roots. Meanwhile, Gammer's brothers and many children squabble over who gets to live in her house and where her belongings will go.
I mentioned before how Jones is always surprising me with the variety of formal structures and writing styles she employs. I thought I had figured out her game here, and was sure it was going to be similar to Conrad's Fate, where a new protagonist gradually makes their way into meeting familiar characters. But of course, Jones neatly sidesteps all reader expectation and switches tracks suddenly a few chapters in, focusing on Cat Chant as a second, equal protagonist, and revealing this book to be, among other things, the true sequel to Charmed Life--published 29 real-life years later. Jones then begins alternating between Cat and Marianne unevenly, and sometimes even from sentence to sentence, as in Witch Week. Her sleight of hand is sly and clever, and the craftsmanship is remarkable. Hats off--each of the seven books in this series reads totally differently. Jack of all trades, master of all, our Diana.
Jones stacks on the themes this time. We of course get some of her usual preoccupations, particularly with that of unreliable families. The Pinhoes may be the worst of the lot, or at least the most upsetting, because while in most of the other books the dysfunction is obvious, things are more insidious here. The reader is actually led (through Marianne's obedient, rule-following perspective) to see Harry, Cecily, Gammer, and most of the uncles and aunts as well-meaning individuals who care for one another. However, as in Charmed Life (and Cat himself draws the comparison), as the book goes on and Marianne becomes more independent, it becomes increasingly difficult for her, and for us, to justify their cruel behavior. It is genuinely devastating when Marianne figures out what's going on halfway through the book, decides to approach the adults in her life about it, and is laughed off or outright punished by all of them. There is a familiar scene at the end of the book: Marianne's and Joe's talents are vindicated by Chrestomanci and they are given the opportunity to nurture their skills in an education apart from parents who hold them back by refusing to understand or accept them. Replace the current Chrestomanci with the previous acting Chrestomanci, Gabriel de Witt, and you have the same scene as the end of Conrad's Fate. The detail that Marianne and Joe still go home and see their parents regularly is brutally realistic, Marianne able to convince her mother to soften on some issues, but ultimately failing to truly connect with her father. This seems to me the ultimate conclusion of the obsession with family dynamics in the Chronicles of Chrestomanci--that your family will always be there, like them or not, whether or not a true understanding can ever be reached. I'm not ashamed to say I cried through the last couple chapters of the book, and found the first line Jones has written that made me audibly sob. This was a feeling from childhood I didn't even know I had forgotten:

[Marianne] was depressed and worried. Dad was never going to understand and never going to forgive her. And Gaffer had still not turned up. On top of that, school started on Monday week. Though look on the bright side, she thought. It'll keep me away from my family, during the daytime at least.

As in Conrad's Fate, the potential toxicity of religion crops up here, in a bigger way than ever. The last act of the book is barely disguised by its magical trappings: what we have here is a group of devout, religious conservatives, being shown the harmful effects of their actions, and blindly rejecting all of the proof and logic in front of them in favor of enforcing rules and laws that keep them comfortable. There is no doubt that the next generation of Pinhoes will be just as subject to the old traditions, in spite of Marianne and Joe breaking free. That the Reverend Pinhoe is portrayed as a hapless and kind man, ignorant to most of the wrongdoing in the village, does little to soften the point of Jones's pencil here. As I said, I was startled by how moved and devastated I was by this final section, recognizing all of the real-world pain in this fantastical setting.
Jones has always been steadfastly protective of those who cannot speak up for themselves, as with the character of Cat who finds it difficult to recognize and verbalize his feelings. This time, borrowing from a kind of Shinto animism, Jones includes the concept of Dwimmer, a magic that is focused on the life force within all creatures and plants. There is no debate where Jones stands on this--her deepest and most profound sympathies lie with Cat, who can't bear to imagine his horse Syracuse chopped into dog meat, who frets over Klartch's wellbeing when out of his sight, and who firmly refuses to apologize for releasing all the goblinlike fairy folk from their bindings. There is no direct intimation of endangered species, global warming, or human-caused environmental destruction in this book, as you might expect in this kind of setup (I suspect Jones was too clever to resort to trite metaphors). However, in a fascinating twist, a plot detail revolves around the Pinhoes and Farleighs erecting a barrier in the forest to contain the magical creatures, making the forest feel empty and incomplete in the process--a magical, but also literal, instance of deforestation. Motives of plants, herbs, and trees, both good and evil, carry through the book as well. Jason and Gaffer Elijah Pinhoe, as well as Cecily, are handy with plants and tend large gardens. The Farleighs' and Pinhoes' spells tend to take the form of small bags of weeds and branches as well. Interestingly, and insightfully, the natural world is portrayed as difficult as well: Gammer grows roots to impede her family's mission, and the vile Gaffer Farleigh morphs into a stubborn, gnarled, immovable petrified oak when Cat works a spell forcing him to assume his true form.
This was one of the most enjoyable books in the Chrestomanci series, and it was bittersweet to close the door on the Pinhoes. I like that the continuity between these books is vague and tenuous, so I'm free to imagine all sort of side goings-on, like what might happen to Marianne and Cat later in life, or whether Conrad and Christopher remained friends, or what Roger and Julia thought when their dad told them all about the events at the academy in Witch Week. Howl's Moving Castle is still the book closest to my heart, and will forever be the Diana Wynne Jones I read over and over, recommending to anyone unfortunate enough to strike up a conversation about books with me, but I am so glad that I found the time to welcome Chrestomanci and all his strange acquaintances into my heart, too.
Here's my personal ranking of the Chronicles of Chrestomanci, but please note I love all of these books and a low ranking does not mean I don't like the book. I have to put that there because there's always someone who doesn't understand that last place doesn't mean bad or worst. I'm not including the short stories individually because it's impossible for me to weigh a short story against a novel, whereas a large collection seems to make sense to me. I also must admit that the top three, especially the top two, were really difficult to place and I more or less love them equally.

1. Conrad's Fate
2. The Pinhoe Egg
3. Charmed Life
4. Mixed Magics
5. The Magicians of Caprona
6. Witch Week
7. The Lives of Christopher Chant

My next Jones book will be -- drumroll, please -- Archer's Goon, though I'm taking a break for some adult reading during the summer. While I'm in a school semester I can pretty much only manage to read children's fantasy, so I'll see you all come August or September. :) Thanks to those of you who have been reading and following my journey from start to finish. I would love to chat more about this book and this series.
Oh, and finally... ALL SPOILERS ALLOWED!

I'm male, 26 and terrified I have PSSD. I am suffering from:

• Completely numb orgams
  
• Erectile Dysfunction
  
• No morning wood
  
• Reduced libido
  

I am also suffering from general anhedonia and cognitive impairment. But the sexual anhedonia scares me the most as it seems the most likely to indicate PSSD.
Is anyone suffering from these listed symptoms who does NOT believe it to be caused by PSSD? If so, please mention your gender (this seems to be much less common in males so I'm mainly interested in hearing from them) and what you believe to be the cause of the issue.

This is my mental health user account, idle for a while. I left reddit a while back, and it’s been great! But this forum seems to be unparalleled. Alas for this modern world.
Some Background:
I am divorced, two kids. The older one is our “identified patient.” We’ve had therapy, PHP and IOP, now waiting on an opening at Embark White Haven. Reluctantly for me, but by court order, I am required to comply with recommendation of service providers, and the IOP recommended RTC because of safety concerns including thoughts of suicide and getting out of the car on the way to IOP.
Kid is currently in therapy with the family therapist who was recommended by IOP for mom and I to work on coparenting. This is a temporary placement while waiting on the opening in PA. They seem OK, but have ideas about parenting I do not share, as does mom. It pains me to admit this, but FT is probably the best bet, because they’re parenting style is pretty close to right inbetween mom and I.
My parenting, and understanding of children, has vastly improved since coming to membership in Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families, been there four years. I have become a much more attentive and nurturing parent. I try hard to listen to what my kid is telling me, and give them as much as they want within safe limits. Try to let them make mistakes and learn, again, within safe limits.
The Kid’s behavior has included violence toward mom, me and younger sibling. They came to live with me about a month ago, violence has improved but not gone away. They have very low frustration tolerance, escalating quickly when asked questions about certain subjects (on the order of, what homework are you meant to do?), or denied something they want. We are practicing tools like breathing to get past this. Some behaviors have continued to escalate since coming to live with me, such as skipping class. Recently they were caught off campus smoking weed. Went to PHP for assaulting another kid on the bus.
I don’t want my kid to go to TTI. I think what we need is intensive family therapy. AFAIK, the only kind of thing like that in my area (SE) is Intensive In Home, which appears to be available mostly to families involved in criminal justice or CPS. They take medicaid, or are state funded, and most of the images on the websites are of people who don’t look like us.
My understanding, based mostly on my work in ACA, is that my kid’s problems are a result of the lousy parenting of their mom and I. Mom was very controlling, and in some ways, acted (and continues to act) like a rival. I was mostly just completely emotionally absent. I’m doing my work now, working with a therapist as well as ACA. But it’s a slow process, and the damage has been done.
FWIW, the American Bar Association is currently doing a webinar series on the TTI. At the last presentation, someone asked the panelists a question about whether there were any good facilities available. The response was, “there are some that are less bad.”
Another anecdote. I was doing the intake with a Newport Academy intake person, and shared my fears about the quality of care that would be available at a facility owned by such a large corporation. Their response was something like, “don’t you think that gives us some credibility?” She ended the conversation before I got a chance to say something like, “Fuck, no! Does Phillip Morris’ size give it credibility in its health benefit claims of vaping?” Sorry maybe for the impromptu venting.
I’m terrified of what comes next. My kid definitely has unmet needs. I’m not sure what they are, and am having a very hard time trusting any of their providers, while having to pretend to trust them to avoid being labelled as “treatment resistant.” It really is my worst nightmare. I just want my kid to feel safe and have a decent shot at thriving whatever that might mean to them.
As an aside, a lot of providers say they understand family dysfunction and its impacts, complex trauma and its impacts, and yet no-one really provides any kind treatment that seems to align with those kinds of problems. Embark folks were at least honest when they said all they offer are coping skills, that would then allow the kind of long-term therapy to address the deep grief and trauma. Seems like in three months and tens of thousands of dollars you could start to explore root causes at least a little bit.
As I said, alas for these modern times.

Pathological Jealousy from a Forensic Psychiatric Perspective
https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/advances-in-psychiatric-treatment/article/aspects-of-morbid-jealousy/06CBB7BF78CC43C785AE6F7C0F0046C9
The fear of loss and hyperfocus on the fear of loss seems to be behind a lot of the behavior to do with jealousy.
"The threat of losing a partner is expressed cognitively, emotionally and behaviorally. At the beginning the dominant component is emotional, related to a threat of a personal loss (of a partner, relationship, plans, life, stability), negative attitude towards a rival, as well as a partner, the feeling of injustice and loneliness."
Anger at the fear of loss begins to emerge.
"According to Zywucka-Kozlowska and Wlodarcyzk, jealousy is an anger, occurring on certain circumstances, based on two elements; emotions and situations. Emotions arise from the construction of human psyche, while situation arises from conditionings of the external world. Jealousy understood as an emotion is based on the insecurity towards own self-worthiness as a person as well as own attractiveness (including sexual attractiveness) for the partner."
The anger motivates the aggression to mitigate the risk of fear of loss
"Change in a way of perceiving a threat of losing a valued partnership (hypothesis, suspicion, interpretation) in favor of a real or imaginary rival who would enter an emotional relationship with a partner. It is accompanied by a mixture of various interpretations of the partner's behaviors as well as those of the rival, which generate anxiety and incline a jealous person to search for evidence of infidelity or to actions aiming at prevention of potential infidelity. The jealous person accumulates sorrow, anger, hatred, bitterness, which can epitomize in accusations towards an erotic partner."
Feelings of inefficiency and inability to satisfy cause a sense of fundamental insufficiency that begins the anger that evokes jealousy
"Factors often listed as contributing to evoking jealousy in men are as follows: erectile dysfunction, a feeling of inability to satisfy a partner's sexual desires, decrease of women's sexual drive, differences in attractiveness of partners, experience of an actual infidelity in the past, feeling of inefficiency to fulfill social roles, or psychopathological disorders expressed by alcohol abuse, personality disorders and delusional syndrome."
Putting the cart before the horse of accusations freaking out the accuser is seen, causing more anxiety as there is no good way to respond to an irrational delusion.
"Simultaneously, suspicion and distrust towards the partner and other people grow, then imaginary accusations and convictions appear. Consequently, these convictions intensify the fear, fury and further anxiety which additionally increases the amount of false judgements."
They also show inability to control jealous thoughts
"Infidelity, however, are not able to suppress the key psychic aspect of their jealousy, namely intrusive thoughts about infidelity, which they cannot control. Jealousy in its overvalued idea takes on a form of a dominant thought, however, a jealous person does not have assumptions of the intensity of delusions."
This shows jealous behavior is linked to obsessive compulsive disorder, which is linked to fear of loss. Only its aggressive instantiation is linked to jealous behavior though.
Anger at the fear of loss increases stress which makes the brain's delusions more aggressive as happens whenever the brain is infused with excess cortisol.
"It is necessary for a person to display anxiety, fear of losing a partner or his or her position in the partnership, which should evoke stress and interfere with function of the jealous person, both people, or partnership."
Invasion of private areas of an individual's processing is a key signs of jealousy, as is the aggressive imposition of humiliating the partner to "get back" for their delusions where they were humiliated which never occurred
"Typical behaviors accompanying delusional jealousy include: multiple accusations about infidelity without sufficient evidence, demands for assertions or imposing of pledging faithfulness, humiliating and controlling partner's behaviors as well as demanding information concerning thoughts, views, and fantasies."
Overvaluation of the delusional idea also includes overreading of the facial expression for "signs" of confirmation. Hyperfixation on sentiment analysis may belie a deeper delusion behind the person hyperfixated.
"The so-called delusional activity comes down to realizing powerfully expressed need of control in form of various ways of manipulating, deceiving, searching for personal belongings, listening in telephone calls, and controlling correspondences. Emotions present at that time such as anger, sorrow, pain humiliation, fear and contradicting desired lead to increasing search for eventual evidence of infidelity, which could not be found, which in turn make neutral behavior acquire characteristics of these evidences."
Insatiability is seen on the jealous, showing extremes of violation to satisfy a delusional possessiveness, all the more disturbing when there is no actual partnership. The insatiability belies the psychotic instantiation
"A greater integrity of partnership, however, this lasts only a certain time. Usually, there comes a moment when a partner is not able to fulfill the expectations of a jealous person because it is infeasible. Attempts at leaving the above described constellation by one of the partners turn into an embers of anxiety, fear and evoke suspicion of disloyalty, to the pathological extent."
Schizophrenia, depression, substance use and OCD are all seen on those with pathological jealousy.
"On the other hand, Singh et al. indicated that the most common diagnoses related to morbid jealousy were schizophrenia (34%), depression (30%) and substance abuse (20%) jealousy with morbid intensity occurred also in bipolar affective disorder (6%) and other mental disorders. 10%-obsessive-compulsive disorder."
Expectation of reward and aggressive dopamine shunting as an irregularity were seen in these brains, linking jealousy to envy circuitry.
In confirmation of this, jealousy showed signs of behaving just like an addiction, trying to get a higher hit. Addiction is not logic, it creates rationalization.
"In respect to women, intensity of jealousy negatively correlated with the length of a relationship, and positively with the intensifying symptoms of an addiction."
False reception of various actions are treated as real, and memories are reinterpreted (and thus reconstructed) as pathological, leading to a strong emotional charge. Basically, reading neutral information wrong as often seen on the jealous leads to the anger that leads to fear of loss, and the stress that creates delusion.
"In delusional disorders focusing on a partner's infidelity, jealous people treat their false reception of various actions as real and intensify it by pathological interpretation of memories which are in turn strengthened by strong emotional charge. By doing this, quasi-logical systems of jealousy are created. They constantly accuse a partner of infidelity and stubbornly attempt to validate their suspicions by delusional activity. Sometimes, "interrogations" can take a form of tortures, and inspections are not limited to checking possessions, but also involve partner himself (including genitalia)."
Delusions of humiliation seem to be psychotic expressions of fear of loss, the fear of having lost while acting like one has not.
"It seems that in the case of people with increased levels of jealousy, situations when they feel moral pain associated with a false conviction that the environment knows about a partner's infidelity, can be especially painful. Situations n which they feel threatened, associate with a possibility of infidelity, disloyalty, embarrassment or humiliation (imaginary or real) weaken their self-control. Most often, there is a chronic situation of mental burden and increasingly growing tension."
Highly suspicious hostility leads to anxiety and negative attitudes towards other people.
"They are highly suspicious, which is expressed by hostility towards the environment, caution towards people, which leads to experiencing anxiety and negative attitudes towards other people."
Emotional-delusional explains a lot of the general type of rationalization, denial, and cart before the horse thinking seen on the jealous person.
"Przybylek at al.[30] drew similar conclusions and stated that in the group of emotional-delusional murderers there are perpetrators who, apart from delusional aspect, are motivated by revenge, feeling of injustice or feelings of insecurity and fear, which additionally weakens their ability to control their actions while committing a crime."
People with delusional jealousy often struggle to see their own jealousy or envy, showing again the denial element of the psychotic behavior witnessed. Lowered level of sense of illness (not admitting they have a problem) is a well known sign of an extremely high risk person for committing violence.
"Usually crimes motivated by jealousy are associated with a chronic psychotic process which is concentrated on a partner, a suspected rival, or other people who 'assist' infidelity. People with delusional jealousy have also a very low level of criticism towards own convictions. A lowered level of illness insight is a well-known factor of aggression risk, which should cause expert witnesses to balanced assessment in terms of the necessity of using security measures."

Aspects of Morbid Jealousy
https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/advances-in-psychiatric-treatment/article/aspects-of-morbid-jealousy/06CBB7BF78CC43C785AE6F7C0F0046C9
Morbid jealousy is only possible on someone mentally unstable and delusional. It includes witnessable accusations that have no backing. It is pathological in nature, and it signifies someone mentally unstable.
"Morbid jealousy describes a range of irrational thoughts and emotions, together with associated unacceptable or extreme behavior. In which the dominant theme is a preoccupation with the partner's sexual unfaithfulness based on unfounded evidence."
The delusional nature of the morbidly jealous person causes them to refuse to change their beliefs even in the face of conflicting information, shedding new light on the disturbing denial behavior found in the extremely disturbed.
"Healthy people become jealous only in response to firm evidence, are prepared to modify their beliefs and reactions as new information becomes available, and perceive a single rival. In contrast, morbidly jealous individuals interpret conclusive evidence of infidelity from irrelevant occurrences, refuse to change their beliefs even in the face of conflicting information, and tend to accuse the partner of infidelity with many others."
Overvalued ideas are also seen in the morbidly jealous, shedding more light on future denial studies. The idea is pursued beyond the boundaries of reason. They are willing to cause the partner distress and disadvantage to keep them as a possession, often sometimes permanently destroying much of the socioecology out of sheer jealous rage.
"Sims (1995:pp 17 & 368) raised the possibility that morbid jealousy could take the from of an 'overvalued idea' (Box 4), that is, an acceptable comprehensible idea pursued by the patient beyond the boundaries of reason. The idea is not resisted and although it is not a delusion, the patient characteristically attaches utmost importance to investigating and maintaining the partner's fidelity at great personal disadvantage and to the distress of the partner."
Substance use can be a way for someone with morbid jealousy to self-medicate
"For example, a person with paranoid personality disorder may become preoccupied with and distressed by jealous overvalued ideas, develop a delusion of infidelity and turn to substance misuse in an attempt at self-medication."
Especially men will feel morbid jealousy when experiencing sexual dysfunction, often afraid of being left for someone who doesn't have any problems where sexual intercourse goes smoothly without a bunch of problems.
"It has also been suggested that morbid jealousy may arise in response to reduced sexual function. Cobb (1979) drew attention to the elderly man whose waning sexual powers are insufficient to satisfy a younger wife. Vauhkonen (1968) described sexual dysfunction per se to be important, but whether this was considered to be a primary or secondary is unclear."
Economic depression has been associated with increased incidence of delusional jealousy (Shepherd, 1961).
Jealous people (not all people jealous of people are in a relationship with them; some are just crazed stalkers) will go as far as purchasing underwear to look for signs of sexual activity.
"They include interrogation of the partner, repeated telephone calls to work and surprise visits, stalking behaviors, or hiring a private detective to follow the partner. Jealous individual may search the partner's clothes and possessions, scrutinize diaries and correspondence, and examine bed linen, underclothes and even genitalia for evidence of sexual activity. They may hide recording equipment to detect clandestine liasons, and some go to extreme lengths, including violence, to extract a confession from their partner."
Morbid jealousy is especially disturbing because the convictions cannot be refuted rationally, showing the circuitry of pathological denial and rationalization are shared.
"Heroic efforts to prove innocent or disprove guilt must fails, as irrational preoccupations cannot be refuted rationally (Shepherd, 1961: Mooney, 1965, Seeman, 1979).
Men capable of these delusions and men with circuitry of extreme denial and rationalization are the most likely to be violent.
"Morbidly jealous men were more likely to attack their partners than were morbidly jealous women and they tended to inflict more serious injuries."
Denial and rationalization is linked to the psychotic externalized expression.
"Nevertheless, psychotic drive in delusional jealousy seems to be a particularly important association, as it is generally in linking psychotic conditions and violent actions."
Individuals undergoing DV due to the cruelty are designated homeless to get them out of a situation that is roofing them, not housing them, and can't even do that. Even though unseen, there is no shelter occurring.
"With the assistance of a social worker, the victim may be advised to approach the local authority under the housing Act 1996, in which individuals who suffer domestic violence are designated as homeless."
Given the violence that women undergo, those women who have even short relationships with mentally unwell men were better off never having those relationships. The logical conclusion is while this issue grows and does not see justice, women should not date at all given the safety risk.
"After separation, the morbidly jealous partner may continue to intrude upon and even stalk the victim, maintain a sense of entitlement to the partner, seeking a reconciliation and expecting continuing fidelity. Among stalkers, those who have had a prior relationship with the victim to act violently against them."

Hey yall! So im back today with another post lol. Today I had my second interview (lunch interview) with this company that is a men's clinic. there are multiple locations for this clinic but the one I interviewed for was bought out by a family, so it's more so going to be family/privately owned. I really like the people and they seem nice, but I have two things that are making me second guess accepting the job finally. so for one, they deal with ED (erectile dysfunction) and I was told today that would be doing ultrasounds of the genital area when a PT comes in for ED troubles. I was not aware of this beforehand so I was little 'shook' to say the least and it's making me rethink my decision lol. I was told in the first interview we would mainly be doing testosterone injections and blood work, although they did mention us dealing with ED the interviewer did not go into detail about it. im more so uncomfortable with the fact that we would be dealing with such an intimate area on the PT and they asked me during the first and second interview if I would be comfortable with PT's being 'weird', but this was asked before I found out about the ultrasound part of the job. Also since they are family/privately owned they are looking for someone who is going to stay long term or for years, which I feel like does not fit my description all too well since I dont know how long I will be in this industry but I also don't know if I will ever leave it, if that makes sense. I just don't know what to do! Any thoughts or opinions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys!

Hello,
I will try to keep this post short. edit : yeah this didn't work...
I grew up in a dysfunctional household where there was no love between my parents I, an only child btw, have actuallynnever witnessed any love or tenderness between my parents. They have usually been polite to each other but that was it.
My father has always been very good to me while my mother has been calling me lazy or bad since I can remember. Even when I was a small child - and I never did anything worse than the normal occasional shit that kids just do- she would tell me how bad I am. She had a friend who worked in this institution for left-over children/children with no parents (*I don't know exactly how it's called in English) and tell me that she could leave me there. And since I was a small child, I really believed it and it scared the shit out of me.
The more I grew up, the worse she became. During puberty it was hell. I was somehow ugly but also seducing my own father at the same time. I had horrible acne during my teens which was caused by an endocrine distorder (PCOS, very common in young girls) and she often blamed me for it. She said several times that she's embarassed for my looks and doesn't want her friends to see me. Actually the only person who has ever offended my looks was her. And I actually believed that I was some abdomination. Now, whenever I see pics of myself back then, I see that I looked like a normal teen, but with acne. And since I was quite good with make up, the way I looked in every day life wasn't evil that horrible. But I only realise this now, since back then, I saw myself as a monster.
The constant thing that she said was that I'm lazy and bad and somehow always trying to hurt her with every step I take. The reality was that I always tried to just not care about her. This of course never worked out and I subconsciously have tried to make her happy for years, destroying my own life in the process, but I have never actually tried to hurt her. Or to seduce my dad, which is the weirdest thing she has ever said to me.
But I guess that being told over and over that I'm lazy and incompetent has actually become into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now, at 24, I am quite lazy, unmotivated and I have no ambitions in life. But when I go back to my childhood, photos prove it : I was a very smart and happy kid. I would be the kid who wins small competitions at school and stuff like that. So I know that I am not just lazy, maybe I hav become lazy over the years after hearing it all the time.
I don't want this to be an excuse for my failures in life.
I managed to survive a lot of shit which would have driven many people to suicide by now, and I also managed to graduate from a school in a country where education is very hard -my parents migrated there with me when I was 9 years old - and I made it through a school that was too hard for me and that I have no problem admitting I was just too dumb for. And I still graduated. I even managed to pass through several exams at university, eventhough I dropped out later.
But that'sl too little for my mother, she has always compared me to other kids that are more successful and ambitious than I am. She has this so called friend - side note : she actually hates this woman, as she does with all of the people that she calls friends. She only uses her friends to step on them and show off to them how much better she is than they are. And this woman has two daughters around my age; they are both smart, successful and pretty. And she has always told me how good they are and how much she envies said friend for having such good daughters, while she has such a bad and mean one - me.
So, according to my mother, I am evil and lazy.
on being evil : I have inherited my dad's character and he's a very good person. My dad is a teacher and the kids have always adored him, which to me means something. I'm not saying that I'm never wrong - I have hurt people as well and I am not perfect in any way, but I'm 100% a better person than my mother and I don't go out of my way just to brag to people only so I can feel better about my life.
on being lazy : I acknoledge that I'm lazy, but this came after many years of being told this over and over. I manage my household & my finances on my own, but I have no ambition for a career any more. I just want a short, peaceful life. And I'm totally fine with it. Maybe, if my mother really wanted me to become a career woman, she should have told me "well done" whenever I did well at school - because I only had shit grades in maths, the rest of my grades were quite good. But nope, I only ever heard how lazy I am.
Because my mother never had any consideration for my privacy and would constantly go through my stuff, tell her "friends" my most embarsassing secrets and generally make me look bad whenever she could, I don't really tell her anything about my life any more. So atm she has a daughter that is lazy & that really doesn't really care about her any more (= which could be considered evil, because you should always love your mother).
I guess you reap what you sow.

A-to-Z Reasons For Not Smoking

Smoking damages almost every organ of the body, not just lungs. People are not aware of the extent of damage smoking causes. Following are 26 easy-to-remember reasons why smoking is so dangerous.

• A — Aging
  • Smoking speeds up one’s aging. Causes wrinkles prematurely.
• B — Bad keystone habit
  • Smokers are more likely to pick up other bad habits, like alcohol, hard drugs etc. They meet other smokers and might pick up their bad habits too.
• C — Cancer
  • Not just lung cancer. It can cause mouth cancer, throat cancer, and many other cancers.
• D — Diabetes Type 2
  • Smoking increases chances of getting Diabetes Type 2. Symptoms may include increased thirst, frequent urination, hunger, fatigue, blurred vision, poor wound healing.
• E — Erectile Dysfunction (ED)
  • Increases ED in males and infertility in both males and females.
• F — Fatigue
  • Smokers easily feel fatigued after a physical activity. They feel less energetic.
• G — Guilt
  • Smoking breeds guilt and shame. “What am I doing to my body? I have no control or what?”
• H — Heart diseases
  • Smoking can permanently damage your heart and blood vessels, leading to cardiovascular disease. Smoking can also cause coronary heart disease, which is the narrowing of blood vessels that carry blood to the heart.
• I — Immunity
  • Smoking reduces one’s immunity, making one more prone to falling ill to bacteria and viruses and other diseases easily.
• J — Jaw and TMJ problems
  • Smoking can lead to dental problems, including gum disease and tooth loss, which can contribute to jaw pain and temporomandibular joint (TMJ) disorders.
• K — Kidney diseases
  • Leads to poor blood flow to the kidneys and causes kidney damage over time. Can also cause kidney cancer.
• L — Lungs problems
  • Diseases like Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and Emphysema. Above all, lung cancer.
• M — Memory and Cognitive Decline
  • Smoking can negatively impact memory and cognitive function. Smoking can lead to a decline in memory, cognitive flexibility, and global cognition. Smoking can also negatively impact attention, processing speed, and executive functions.
• N — Nicotine Addiction
  • Nicotine causes cravings and dependency. It reaches the brain within seconds, creating neurochemical hooks that lead to a strong addiction.
• O — Odour
  • Breath, clothes, car, house stink
• P — Passive/SecondHand smoking
  • A smoker is more likely to be with other smokers and thus inhale more secondhand smoke. As if first hand smoke wasn’t enough.
• Q — Quality of life deterioration
  • Smoking affects overall quality of life, leading to decreased physical health, mental well-being, and social interactions. Smokers often experience a lower quality of life compared to non-smokers.
• R — Restlessness
  • Smoking can cause restlessness and anxiety. Nicotine withdrawal symptoms include irritability and difficulty concentrating, leading to an overall sense of unease.
• S — Stroke
  • Smoking is a major risk factor for stroke, increasing the risk by three to four times. Smoking causes blood to thicken and clot in veins and arteries, which can block blood flow to the brain.
• T — Taste and smell
  • One’s sense of taste and smell deteriorates.
• U — Ulcers
  • Smoking can be a risk factor for peptic ulcer disease, which can cause stomach ulcers
• V — Vitamin absorption reduces
  • Smoking impairs the absorption of essential vitamins and nutrients, such as vitamin C and E, leading to deficiencies and associated health problems.
• W — Weakening of bones and muscles
  • Smoking contributes to osteoporosis and muscle degeneration. It reduces bone density and interferes with the body's ability to repair muscle tissue.
• X — eXtra effects
  • Smoking can cause negative cause-and-effects chain reactions in life. For example, somebody sees you smoking somewhere -> makes them see you in a bad light -> in turn causes them withholding a benefit in future. It’s like bad karma.
• Y — Yellowness and Discoloration
  • Smoking causes discoloration, leading to yellowing of teeth, nails, and skin. It also causes lips to darken and become discolored over time due to reduced blood flow and exposure to harmful chemicals.
• Z — Zzzz
  • Smoking affects Sleep quality.

A friend of mine started playing Fates for the first time, so once again I got bitten by the “complaining about Fates” bug. In particular, watching chapter 18 of Conquest again after so many years really got me going, and while the general consensus I’ve seen online about this chapters writing was negative, I wasn’t that satisfied by any of the overviews of it I read. I decided to give it a shot myself.
Dissecting why something doesn’t work is fun and all, but I think it’s also important to be constructive which is why I wanted to rewrite this chapter alongside my criticisms. I really do think there’s a lot of potential here that could have been the highlight of the entire story, and so I’d love to try my hand rewriting this chapter to be what it could have been rather than what we got. I have most of it done already, but Reddit only has so many characters before it cuts you off and this post is plenty long enough as is, so I’ll save that for another part coming up soon. This will be part 1, explaining what the chapter is and elaborating on my issues with it, while part 2 will be rewriting it along with my thought process and explanations.
Recap: https://fireemblem.fandom.com/wiki/Black_%26_White/Script
Corrin and Co are traveling when they decide to rest for the night at the nation of Izumo. They are greeted by Izana, the archduke of the kingdom, who seems to be a real goofball. After introducing himself, the levity is ended when it’s revealed the entire Hoshidan family has been invited here as well! Before any swords can be undrawn, Izana tells both parties that the kingdom has a strict neutrality pact neither of them can violate.
The scene cuts to later, where Ryoma enters Corrin and Xanders room to talk with them. Xander and Ryoma’s argument is cut short when Ryoma is dragged off by Nohrians. Turns out “Izana” is actually a Nohrian mage named Zola, who disguised himself to trick the Hoshidan royal family into a trap. Corrin and Xander don’t approve of such dishonorable methods to win, however, and fight to rescue their captives with Xander saying “we’ll win this war with honor or die trying”. After Leo kills Zola, the game cuts to later where we see Nohrians and Hoshidans alike having a meal, much to the delight of the real Izuma, who turns out is exactly as bizarre as the fake impression. Xander and Ryoma confirm with eachother that their fight will continue as usual, but Corrin states that no matter what happens they’re grateful they got to see both families eating together even if it’s not under the best circumstances, and the chapter ends with them saying they’ll revel in this feeling.
So on paper, I think this chapter is a great idea. Despite being at war, when one family is at the total mercy of the other, they lend a hand instead of kicking them while they’re down. This highlights how the two nations could accomplish so much together if only they weren’t at war with eachother. If utilized well, this could have been a great “eye of the tornado scene” emphasizing how tragic it is that these two families who share so much in common are forced by fate to fight eachother, making it all the more sorrowful when that’s brought to it’s conclusion through bloodshed. This would also encourage Conquest players to buy Birthright in a natural and subtle way as well now that they’ve had a nice sample of the other side. Of course, I don’t think this chapter was utilized well, and after reading the script again I believe it boils down to three major problems.
-Problem 1: The Lack of Worldbuilding Causes the Conflict to be Driven by Contrivances.
This is one of the many instances where the lack of fleshing out the world and it’s rules out really hampers the weight of the scenes. Unlike Awakening where there was a general cause-and-effect outlining the level structure, all of the Fates routes are much more individual and self-contained when it comes to chapters. This means the game has to really stretch itself to justify this elaborate setup being brought up and solved in one single chapter of regular length, and it’s very apparent when you write out the summary of events here.
Corrin and his army are just walking by when they happen upon the capital of the country. Corrin decides this would be a great place to rest for the night at and are instantly welcomed by its leader, who is also the only person in the game of that country. The entire Hoshidan family also just happen to bump into us because they coincidently came here at roughly the same time, with somehow neither party noticing the other until they were staring at eachother in the same room.
The only thing we know about this new nation we’ve never seen or heard about before is that it’s a peace-loving land with some sort of neutrality pact which means the two nations can’t fight here. What is the importance of this place that would entice all the Hoshidan royals to come over for a banquet in the middle of their country being invaded? Never explained. What exactly is this pact and what power does Izuno have to enforce it, if any? Never explained. Xander, prince of a nation at war and frontline general, has never heard of it. How does Garon or Iago never figure out or look into what happened here, considering the royals walked through their trap unharmed and everybody in charge of the trap vanished? Never brought up.
How many times here was this supposedly major event dependent on coincidences, seemingly important details left completely unexplained, and characters not knowing things that should be basic information of the world they live in? Things like all this quickly build up and make the world feel small scale and artificial, as if nothing truly exists until it’s in the peripheral vision of main characters. In a vacuum, this could all be excusable if the main meat of the chapter was just so dense and important that they just want a convenient excuse to delve into it. But about that…
-Problem 2: Nothing happens, either character-wise or plot-wise.
This is the only scene in both Birthright and Conquest where all eight of the royal families are together in one spot, and they’re unable to fight eachother. What a brilliant idea! How many great scenes could you come up with from this setup alone? How many directions could this move towards?

-The families bonding over their memories with Corrin (X)
-Calling eachother out for uncool actions, like Ryoma refusing to help Elise or Nohr siccing monsters on farming villages (X)
-Working together to defeat some threat they’d have trouble taking down on their own (X)
-Some cultural exchange (X)
-Some melancholy scene where, even if there’s a lot of resentment, they acknowledge how this may be the last time they ever get to have a meal with Corrin. (Somewhat?)
-Corrin sits down and has a mature conversation with his birth family elaborating on their choice to stay with Nohr (X)
-Some negotiation or debate between the two families about the future of their countries relationship, successful or not (X)
-Corrin being formally declared by the Hoshidan royals as a Nohrian, officially cutting them out of the family (X)

So what does Conquest do with this prompt? It does the unexpected route where all of them but Ryoma are shuffled out as soon as they’re introduced, captured offscreen, rescued offscreen, most of their dinner is offscreen, finishing their meal and leaving is offscreen, all of them sans Ryoma have barely any dialog, and none of them are even present in any of the CG’s.
We actually start off strong, Ryoma and Xander naturally puff out their chest and don’t get along when they’re in the same room, but seem to calm down when Corrin elaborates on how similar they are to eachother. But the game is so eager to get to fighting that it drags Ryoma away kicking and screaming before he even gets to share what he had to say to Corrin, let alone explore what having common ground means to the two of them.
1) I understand this is the Nohrian route so it makes sense the focus is mostly on them, but Takumi only gets three lines here, one of which is “…” Hinoka also only gets three lines, which I think is still more than she got in Birthright, and two of those lines are “You!” and “What are you doing here?”. Sakura lucks out as she’s the only sibling on either side who has anything to say whatsoever when Corrin says they’re grateful they could share another meal with the Hoshidans. That’s a start, but the fact remains Ryoma is the only sibling in the chapter whose remotely relevant, the rest could be omitted and nothing would change. They are only here to be damsels in distress heightening the stakes of defeating the local bad guy rather than providing any character development, checking up on how they are doing without Corrin and Azura, comparing and contrasting their differences between their counterparts, sharing any new information about them, foreshadowing Takumi’s possession, any notable interactions with their counterparts, etc. But no, nothing happens.
2) I also understand this is a video game and they don’t have all the time in the world before the next fight has to happen, yet Conquest is oddly completely uninterested in it’s own set-up. Zola, a minor chapter boss introduced and killed in this chapter, has more screentime and relevance here than any of the siblings, something you’d think would be the actual meat of the chapter they’d want to delve into.
The implications and weight of two dueling nations and families obligated to pause their fighting and dine with eachother could easily take up two or even three chapters as a pivotal arc, yet it’s completely blazed through as if the game considered it a cute novelty rather than a potential life-changing or history-changing moment. Simply put, it’s wasted potential, as if to say “Oh both of the two families meeting in a game about choosing between mutually exclusive families? Eh whatever.”
I wanna stick with just this chapter and not rewrite a good chunk of the entire story, but I can’t stress enough that in any other game this chapter would be the plot-defining moment paving the new way forward rather than chapter 15’s “we’ll expose Garon as a monster by helping him invade an innocent people.”
Neither of the two families are fighting because they outright want to, this isn’t a war about irreconcilable differences or mutually exclusive goals, the only reason for any conflict whatsoever as far as the game has shown us is that the guy in charge of Nohr is a sociopath who threatens to kill his own children at the drop of a hat. Sure, they probably won’t hold hands singing kumbaya after one extended conversation with eachother, but when all of them are in a truce far away from Garon’s authority having a meal together, nothing significant comes out of it plot-wise?
In fact, at the end of the day what significance happened here at all?

• -We learned about a new country, but we know very little about it and (other than Izama potentially joining the party later) absolutely none of it will be relevant after this chapter anyways.
• -Well, maybe this place is just set dressing so we have an excuse to meet up with our siblings again, but then nobody has any meaningful interactions, new info to share, planning ahead, or character development resulting from sharing scenes with them.
• -Then is the primary focus supposed to be on how this situation affects the Nohrian family? The antagonist and the conflict he brings is introduced and quickly solved without any consequences, with all the siblings instantly in agreement about stopping him. They don’t really talk amongst eachother about their feelings or how to go forward.

If there’s no juicy character interactions or exploration, and no setting up future events, then presumably the point of this big moment of Corrin and Xander leaping to save their enemies was made to show off that despite working in the same army, our heroes are indeed better than the swarms of war criminals under Nohr’s name we’ve seen and would never tolerate such things under normal circumstances. They’ve talked the talk about disagreeing with their father’s cruel methods, now here’s proof they’ll walk the walk, aren’t they such noble people? The way this is done however, opens up another can of worms…
-Problem 3: Protags come off as dicks
While our heroes are indeed more likeable and moral than blatant monsters like Garon and Hans, liking peace and disliking war crimes is not enough of a reason for a pat on the back. Our protags might not be burning villages for fun, but it’s difficult to take their proclaimed goal of peace seriously considering both the context of working for people who DO burn villages for fun and they way they handle themselves when presented with an opportunity to work on this supposed goal.
Corrin and Azura

• This is not seeing things under the worst possible interpretation to be a stick in the mud, Nohr is indeed invading Hoshido for no apparent reason and leaving war crimes wherever it’s armies go. Everybody in the building is aware of this to some extent.
  
• Azura and Corrin’s grand plan to expose Garon as a slime monster to his family indeed involves directly helping Garon conquer Hoshido, which they acknowledge will bring destruction and suffering that the nation and royal family have done nothing to deserve.
  
• Corrin and Azura are indeed presented with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity here to sit down behind closed doors and communicate anything, just anything significant at all, to the royal family that still seems to value them, but our heroes don’t even try or seem to acknowledge that. Corrin doesn’t have any interactions with them that last more than a sentence or two, and Azura is never acknowledged nor speaks to them.
  
• And yet despite, all this, both Corrin and Azura are quite pleased with the turn of events here, with Corrin acknowledging they’ll “probably try to kill eachother next time they see eachother” but that they’ll “revel in this feeling.”
  

Azura in particular is problematic here. During Odovakar 's excellent overview of the problems with Fates writing, he goes into detail about how Azura’s line about “this is all quite heartwarming. We're like one big family...albeit, a dysfunctional one.” in particular comes off as incredibly tone deaf and tasteless given the circumstances of Azura and Corrin marching on one family’s homeland for the sake of the other family. What I think was also worth noting is the context leading up to that line…

Sakura: I was just, um...th-thinking...it's really nice to finally see you again. I'm glad you... I'm glad you f-found a way to be happy... Corrin: Sakura... I'm happy to see you too. Sakura: R-really? You mean it?! Oh, Corrin! Elise: HMPH! Back off, you! He/She's my brothesister! MINE! Sakura: Ah! I'm s-sorry! Corrin: Elise! Mind your manners, little one. Elise: But she's trying to take you away from me... She's my archnemesis

Whether intentional or not, this is actually a very clever microcosm of the family’s conflict acted out by the youngest and most innocent among them who probably weren’t even born when the conflict started. The Hoshidan loves their sibling, but their time with Corrin is interrupted by the Nohrian shoving them away and declaring Corrin for themselves. This is a great way to challenge our protags to some introspection about themselves.

Azura: Heehee! Corrin: Azura? Did you just...giggle?

Instead, Azura just finds this a real knee-slapper. I understand maybe this is just meant to be a cute image of imoutos fighting over oni-chan Corrin and nothing more, but the context makes it very hard to swallow the narrative’s insistence that all this is “heartwarming” as Azura puts it. Keep in mind that all the Hoshidan nobles are sitting at the same table watching all this. Do you think Ryoma also finds it funny that his little sister is scared off and declared an archnemesis by the daughter of the man who killed his father in cold blood? Do you think Hinoka also thinks it's like one big dysfunctional family when Corrin is preparing to march on her homeland with an army?
I get it, I totally know what they were going for, and in a vacuum it could be a great line making for a properly bittersweet moment. “Even if the two are at eachothers throats and the future is bleak, me and Azura are grateful we get to have at least one big normal dinner together like a real family.”
But the future is bleak because of Corrin and Azura participating in an invasion, the families are at eachothers throats partially because Corrin and Azura haven’t accomplished anything to reform Nohr. If anything, Corrin should feel great shame here. Elise just unintentionally reenacted the history between the nations where Nohr was clearly in the wrong, and Corrin is sitting directly across and staring at the family who’ve done nothing wrong to him yet are going to be hurt because of Corrin’s decision. Grateful they could spend time with them again? Maybe. But cheerful and laughing?

ProZD: D-did an alien write this game? blows gently

But at least Corrin doesn’t show outright contempt for the family they’re screwing over…
Xander and Leo

Xander: Corrin! There's no need to insult me like that. I could not possibly be anything like this sorry excuse for a prince. … Xander: We will win with honor or die trying. Come, Corrin. Let us go set free our sworn enemy. … Corrin: Heh, sorry... It's just that you and Ryoma really are so much alike. If you weren't on opposite sides of a war, I think you could have been great friends. Xander: Yeesh... Do me a favor and keep that nonsense in your head where it belongs. … Xander (to Ryoma): We only acted as Nohrian royals should. When we leave this place, you'll be nothing but an enemy to be defeated once more.

Okay, but why? Ryoma is not the one Xander overheard laughing to himself about how much he’s going to make Corrin suffer. How are the Hoshidan royals “nothing but enemies to be defeated” here when they’re just trying to defend their homeland from somebody who assassinated their king at a peace meeting? Where is all this contempt from Xander coming from?
It’s perfectly understandable he doesn’t get along super well with Ryoma because of the tensions between their nations, that makes sense, but I see no reason for why Xander is making several petty insults to his face unprompted, let alone so nonchalant and even somewhat eager to get back to waging a war Xander himself calls “a senseless war of greed and madness” in the epilogue.
He doesn’t treat his own people much better this chapter, declaring Zola and his henchmen as “traitors” to be “dealt with” for their dishonorable methods when ironically Zola taking over the country by disguising himself as the archduke is actually one of the least evil and self-destructive things we’ve seen the kingdom do so far. It must be emphasized that every sibling was in the same room watching Garon demand Xander kill Corrin if he interferes with killing POWs for his amusement, and half of them were in the same room when Garon ordered his henchmen to murder every singer they can find in a neutral country. So a few hundred or thousand innocent people, most of whom would presumably be young woman, murdered to snuff out potential assassins. Or Garon directly ordering the deaths of unarmed civilians in chapter 13 with Hans relaying “Villagers are just soldiers who haven’t picked up a sword yet.”
Xander talks a big game in this chapter about how “we’ll win this war with honor or die trying”, but how do you honorably win a war when your nation is constantly and openly rushing to pointless overkill brutality like this at every turn? What moral high ground does this country have that Xander is so determined to preserve he kills loyal soldiers over what he sees as sullying it, when at no point in the game does the influence of Nohr ever do anything but make life significantly worse? His sudden fervor towards doing the right thing is completely contrasted later on when Xander is the one telling Corrin there’s no justice to be found in war and you just gotta do what you gotta do rather than what’s morally right, in response to Corrin being upset the Nohrian army is killing woman and children who looked at them funny.

“Justice is an illusion, a fairy tale…Letting innocents die is a tragedy, but so is letting the chance for peace slip away. This is war. There is no such thing as a clean win when lives are on the line.”

“Justice is just a fairy tale, innocent people getting screwed over is something we have to accept in war because there’s no such thing as a clean win! But also we better win this senseless war of greed and madness with honor or die trying!”

• If “justice is an illusion”, how is killing Nohrian soldiers to free people who are apparently “nothing but enemies to be defeated” so you can fight them later on terms you prefer, directly prolonging a war which will lead to much more deaths on both sides, for the benefit of Nohr? By Xanders own logic, is this not letting the chance for peace slip away since there’s no such thing as a clean win? Forget Garon and Iago, I’m confident the citizens back home whose loved ones got conscripted would be the ones demanding his head if they found out about this. A very charitable interpretation is that ending the war this specific way will cause more chaos and fighting in the long-term compared to if they conquered and oppressed an innocent nation fair and square, but that’s nowhere to be found in the script whatsoever.
  
• If Xander believes in “We’ll win this war with honor or die trying”, why is he still following Garon? Garon is winning the war in part thanks to honorless and extreme acts of cruelty like blackmailing the Ice Tribe or making an example out of Scarlet’s body, yet instead of taking action against him like he does with Zola, Xander is instead the most loyal sibling to him to the point Corrin decides the best way to get him on his side is to expose Garon as a literal slime monster? Where’s Xander’s zeal of “Come Corrin, let’s go save our sworn enemies” when his father orders Hans is go through killing injured and surrendering foes who were promised they be spared? Where’s his conviction shown here about “not letting treachery go unpunished” when his father outright says he couldn’t care less about the welfare of his people and he’ll just kill anybody who complains to make an example?
  

I understand one might get the impression I’m going off topic or selectively picking and choosing quotes here from all over the game, but no matter how you look at it Xanders beliefs, morality, and priorities are just all over the place depending on what the plot needs him to do. This means not only is his motivation for helping his enemies here faulty no matter how you look at it, but it also makes the extreme lengths he goes to do so, killing his own subjects who won him victory on a silver platter because it wasn’t a “proper” victory, come off as baselessly self-righteous at best and outright cruel at worst.
I’m sure the game would assure us Zola and all his mooks are terrible people who had it coming, but the issue is no matter how virtuous you portray Xander and creepy you portray Zola, Xander is still directly managing the war for a megalomaniac and helping him achieve his goals in spite of his long history of open sadism and public crimes that make Zola look like a saint. By ignoring the clear root cause of Nohr's dishonor while going this hard against random goon's participating in dishonor, instead of being a gallant preserver of morals, he comes off like a bully who selectively picks and choices punishment.
On the topic of punishment, it particularly rubs me the wrong way how Leo just casually mercs Zola at the end, keep in mind Birthright confirms for all his faults he actually isn’t a complete monster like Garon and dies trying to help the protag.

Leo (smiling portrait): You’d probably rather die than live with the shame, correct? In that case…
Zola: Eek! No, please! M-m-milord... I was wrong! S-so wrong! I have seen the error of my ways! P-please...spare my unworthy life!!
Leo (still smiling): Make peace with it, Zola. Perhaps on the other side you will find forgiveness.

Leo makes a fair argument that the stakes are too high and Zola can’t be trusted not to snitch, but this is bit sadistic, no? One of the most powerful people in the country is smug and sarcastic as he’s getting ready to execute somebody whose bleeding on the ground begging for his life and genuinely confused as to why we’re upset with him. I know the intent of “I was wrong! I have the seen the error of my ways!” is supposed to be him saying whatever Leo wants to hear to weasel out of punishment, but that’s exactly the thing, he’s fully cooperating and doing everything he can to appease this guy. And then he’s just killed like a dog without trial or final words, presumably using the spell that skewers you with tree branches.
Didn’t the game use killing defeated foes like this to establish Garon as a bloodthirsty monster? Why is Corrin just standing there watching this happen? This exact same scenario in Birthright has them jump to spare Zola, but here their disapproval is very meek and only voiced after the deed is already done. It’s still apparently too much for Leo though, who chastises Corrin for being “too soft…I envy your innocence.” And then he declares the matter settled on their behalf.
I’m sure this scene was meant to show off Leo’s pragmatism and strategy skills, but it just makes him look like a sociopath and Corrin look spineless. And that’s the biggest issue with this chapter to me, more than the plot being driven by contrivances that aren’t explained or the lack of any character development or interesting scenes taking advantage of the setup, the actions and dialog of our protags don’t match the noble heroes the narrative insists they are:

• Corrin is openly enjoying spending time with innocent people they’re throwing under the bus so Corrin won’t have to risk their relationship with the Nohrian siblings by directly fighting Garon. They then clearly disapprove of Leo executing a surrendering foe begging for mercy but stand idle watching it happen.
• Azura sits directly across her former family who’ve been very negatively impacted by her decisions and actions, and will continue to be so in the future, yet she’s giggling about the conflict and doesn’t seem to be taking the fact that her two families might kill each other seriously.
• Xander insults Ryoma as a sorry excuse for a prince, and afterwards kills his own subjects to prolong a war of aggression so it can be won the way he personally wants it to be won.
• Leo seems to be having a good time killing somebody who’s surrendered and begging for his life. He then chides Corrin for being “too soft” when they wish that didn’t have to happen.
• And again, for no apparent reason, neither Corrin or Azura do the bare minimum to clue to the Hoshidans about what’s going on or even have a meaningful conversation with them despite claiming to care for them. This is the golden opportunity they were hoping for, yet they apparently spend the entire dinner instead talking to eachother about how happy they themselves are.

These are not the actions of heroic characters.
Summary: Overall, this is a very bizarre chapter. It feels like something meaningful happens here at first glance, your brain sees what’s going on and knows that this is supposed to be a huge moment. Peaceful music playing, a very well-drawn CG of dozens of individual units, liberating a country from Nohrian control, Corrin and Azura are happy and say some lines that sound like they should be deep and impactful.
But when you step back and analyze the bigger picture and context, you find that more or less embodies all of Fates writing, both good and bad. It has a brilliant premise that gets your mind going, excellent presentation to accompany it, and some individual scenes or dialogue in a vacuum are very welcome. If you’re a casual player who just wants context for your favorite characters fighting, it’s easy to feel satisfied at first glance and move on thanks to those factors, especially since the gameplay and MyCastle are very fun. At the same time, there’s no denying the severe flaws that hamper the experience.
Despite being the hyped-up main draw of the chapter, our exciting premise that opens so many doors is almost completely neglected in favor of (once again) exposition on meaningless settings and characters that aren’t relevant anywhere else and also reminding us how evil Nohr is, to the point the chapter title is Black and White. The context makes it very difficult to take the plight of our heroes seriously due to their lack of action (both before and in the present) to achieve their proclaimed goal despite ample opportunity, the proaction they do have being unnecessarily extreme and self-serving, and a narrative that insists they are in the right at every turn despite the results clearly showing us otherwise. There’s definitely bits and pieces of something great buried in all this teasing us, otherwise I wouldn’t be interested enough to write this much all these years later, but as is it’s just a mess. An enjoyable mess, but a mess all the same.

But what do you guys think of Conquest Chapter 18: Black and White? Do you also consider it a wreck, or was there something positive here you believed I missed? What would you like to see in a potential rewrite of it?

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Hey everyone, I'm seeking advice on a challenging situation at work involving team dynamics and role clarity. I joined a series D startup about five months ago as the lead product manager for a core product in our production manufacturing company. I took over from someone who had been acting as a PM but wasn't formally trained or experienced in product management. This individual had been in the role for about six months before my arrival and was hired in as a data operations manager.

Background

Initially, I worked alongside this person, gradually taking over the engineering and design pipeline. There were discussions about having him report directly to me, but this transition never materialized. Instead, I integrated tasks assigned to him by our boss into my workflow, which were generally smaller, operational, and data-focused tasks - I more or less tried to stop worrying about collaborating on anything and just focusing on my scope. Since then, I've received overwhelmingly positive feedback from stakeholders and that the sentiment is shared by many of their peers. At the same time, my peer received unanimous 0/5 feedback in his performance review in regards to people feeling safe to express their opinion and work with him.
Recently, we onboarded a new designer and began addressing some dysfunctional processes. Although the team's effectiveness has improved, there have been several issues due to the former acting PM's management of certain projects and stakeholder relationships. Consequently, my manager has now expressed to these stakeholders that I am their main point of contact.

Challenges

The individual in question does not take feedback well, rarely initiates check-ins, and can be defensive and occasionally hostile towards stakeholders. He struggles with interpreting user needs beyond explicit requests, which complicates project delivery. Despite my efforts to clarify processes and adapt communication to his understanding, there has been little improvement. For instance, I've used analogies and have tried to use tactics from books like Crucial Conversations and Never Split the Difference to demonstrate empathy for his perspective and help him see the importance of focusing on stakeholders' objectives rather than just their explicit requests. I spend a CONSIDERABLE amount of time justifying why I need him to take a product vs project approach and how we are accountable for our stakeholders expectations and outcomes (e.g., why it was his behavior in a meeting that triggered an argument with a stakeholder).

Additional Context

I've done my best to understand his perspective. He's has expressed anxiety about job security since I assumed his responsibilities. During the last peer feedback session, he received very low scores on making others feel safe to express their ideas. He acknowledged this and apologized for any discomfort caused. Despite these challenges, he resisted acknowledging my seniority due to our shared reporting line and his prior role in the position. My boss has been somewhat passive in managing this situation. It was unclear initially whether I was to lead, and this was only communicated within the team after I had been onboarded for two months and that I owned the engineering/design pipeline.

Seeking Advice

Given this context, I'm at a crossroads. There is a reorg coming up and my boss has said in passing that he is going to try and create a formal reporting structure with my colleague under me. While it's an opportunity to get explicit PM management experience, I question whether it even makes sense for him to continue being a PM as the knowledge, skill, and attitude gap is quite large. I'm considering approaching my boss and asking if it might be more beneficial to transition him into a different role more aligned with his skills, or to place him on a performance improvement plan.

1. How should I approach this situation to ensure a constructive resolution for all parties involved?
2. What strategies might be effective in dealing with a colleague who is resistant to feedback and change?
3. Any advice on navigating the complexities of role transitions within a team, especially when seniority and reporting lines are perceived differently by team members?

I appreciate any insights or experiences you can share.

Hello guys,
A few years ago, I wrote a post here about my existential crisis and I got many very supportive responses and they really really helped me. I’m writing here again with more thoughts that could be a bit all over the place, but maybe some of you will also relate. I trust people in here and I am looking forward to your thoughts, and feel free to share your own experiences.
So, as I mentioned, it has been a few years and I wouldn’t say that things got better. I do feel I have depression, I think I had it for most of my life, and I’m mostly just trying to distract myself, I guess like a lot of you guys too. I am trying to accept the fact that questions about the origin of the universe and “why, how, and from where” are unanswerable. My next big task is finding the meaning and purpose of my own life. And it is hard guys. I don’t know…
First and foremost, I have seen that a lot of people here mention distraction as a way to cope. But I think it’s like a double-edged sword. For example, I feel this deep existential loneliness and sadness every time I read a good book or watch a good movie, series or anime. When it ends, I just feel completely empty. While I’m watching/reading, I feel like I immerse myself into a different fantasy world. Especially when binge-watching… And when you finish, there is this “transition period” when you come back to reality and the world feels so meaningless, boring, dull, no magic, no nothing. So, in trying to distract myself I also cause myself to go through this “transition period”. I guess people who binge-watch might understand what I’m talking about. Distracting helps but only for a short period and after that I’m left feeling completely devastated, and I don’t want to go back to the real world. So, I started to analyze more and deeper, why the hell do I feel this way. What is missing in my life? What is so attractive about these stories that I watch/read? And I think I found it – there is one constant in all of them – a good group of friends that go through adventures and hardships together (for example some of these realizations came after I binge-watched the famous anime Attack on Titan; or just basically movies or series where there is a mutual goal between characters, for example, in my favorite movie Interstellar there is a group of people with one specific goal and they are trying to solve a very meaningful problem and are having conversations about the universe, etc.). So, guys, could this be it? Humans are social animals, so to have a very good, trustworthy group of people around you and go through life together sounds like what could make life most meaningful…? But to find such people feels like a very hard task… Even finding one person to talk about existential questions is hard, but to find a group where you all could be on the same level of understanding feels insanely hard because not a lot of people think like this. And you can’t force such things, finding deep connections as an adult is a hard task. Finding a romantic partner is even harder… I wish that I could just talk freely about such topics with people, that it would be “normal”. I want more people to talk openly about this and not pretend... Also, such a want or need for a group of people might come from the fact that I grew up in a very dysfunctional and toxic family, so naturally there is a need to create my own “chosen family”… I have some really good friends in my life, but only a few can go a bit deeper with me on such topics, so mostly I am alone in all of this. Sometimes the loneliness is so deep… It seems others do not feel as deeply this burden of existence as I do. Or that others for some reason don’t have this need for knowing why and from where everything comes from, don’t see the world for what it is but live in illusions and play games. I guess what I am trying to say is that it’s hard to find a person with similar goals and similar motivations (a lot of people have selfish desires and surface-level motivations). And I can’t take it anymore, the small talk and the surface-level conversations, I am so bored out of my mind.
I can sometimes minimize this feeling of dullness with some fun and adrenaline-filled activities, for example, I went skydiving and definitely felt a bit better. But such activities don’t fulfill that deep need of belonging. On some days I feel so fucking depressed and I hide it from everyone so well… I know a therapist can help, especially existential psychotherapy. But I want friends too, to be able to talk to people about this, whenever, don’t pay money for it, create genuine connections with people and do things together. For example, traveling to different countries, immersing into different cultures, and exploring is what makes me really live in the present moment, that’s when I feel most alive. And then to have a good group of friends and be able to travel with them and explore might do it for me. But this wish feels like a fantasy.
Another form of escape I use is daydreaming. I would call it immersive daydreaming. I can just close my eyes and start creating stories and narratives. Sometimes I don’t even need to close my eyes, it just all happens in my mind. Sometimes this helps me get through the day. But of course, naturally, there comes a want to actually experience what you are daydreaming about…
Finding meaning in a profession is a whole nother topic… I am really struggling to find a purposeful and meaningful job. We live in a time where almost everything has already been discovered – continents, countries, oceans, there are plenty of researchers almost in any scientific field and the research topics are becoming narrower and narrower. Of course, there is space, but sadly, for space exploration it is too early… So, most jobs feel like a rat race and just take your precious time… But there is no other option in this capitalistic society. I have various hobbies that help me be in the moment, so at least that. Of course, we can talk about creating something good for the world and leaving some kind of legacy when you die, but we all know that the earth will also someday die. So, talking about everyday life, maybe it’s best to see what is most meaningful to you in the present moment…?

Another topic I wanted to touch upon is these weird and unusual feelings I sometimes have. When I’m ruminating on the nature of existence, I can become so deeply present that I can almost feel the time moving. I feel like I’m too self-aware, too conscious. As if I can feel the earth slowly spin around its axis, almost can see/imagine the atoms. When I think about the universe, I imagine myself from above, from space, looking down below. Like right now I am sitting in my room, that is a box – I am in a certain country – on earth – somewhere in space, and all around is black. I – a tiny speck of dust. Earth – a small ball. ~Almost like in~ the scale of the universe (another good example could be the scene from the movie “Agora” where the camera is zooming in from space down to earth to one specific spot, also with that distant sound… (at 56:13)). And this image appears all at once in my head. And I walk around this world and see myself from two points of view, kind of. Does anyone else experience this? And in general, everything in life seems “double” – like I can see a person and I can also see atoms and molecules that the person is made of. Maybe not “see”, maybe it’s more imagination or understanding. It’s very hard to explain, but basically, all the things are just bundles of atoms interacting with other bundles of atoms. I can also see this duality in everyday conversations, work, everywhere – we are all just pretending, we are doing something to live, to move forward, but it’s all meaningless in the grand scheme of things. It’s meaningful and meaningless at the same time.
Nowadays I avoid a lot of things, like movies, series, books, media, etc., that are associated with existential questions, because they throw me into that panic/crisis state. Also, everyday stressors take me out of this deeper level of thinking a bit, so these feelings of intense self-awareness come and go. For example, when I was working in a very stressful job the everyday challenges took me out to the more surface-level problems.
The one video that really helped me, but at first, I was really reluctant to watch it, is this one. Brian Cox is so positive and calm. That’s the kind of attitude I want to have. Sometimes the clichés also help me, for example, maybe I should be looking at life like a journey and just have a good time? On the other hand, living without a clear purpose is fucking horrible.
So, these were just my random thoughts about searching for what is most meaningful in life and what my experience is like.
Thank you so so much for reading, these topics have been bugging me for quite some time, so it’s good to finally write them out. I hope this made some sense.

The people involved (names are changed):
Jake – me
Tom – my flatmate
Kath – Tom’s girlfriend
Emily – Kath’s flatmate
TLDR (but context is very important for how the situation develops):
· Me and Emily get with each other at a party.
· It turns out Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me. Since Emily went and did it anyway, Kath falls out with her.
· Kath ends her friendship with Emily. Me and Emily continue seeing each other.
· When I plan to go to see Emily at their apartment, Tom tells me that Kath is in a really dark place mentally, and the thought of me and Emily being there together while Kath’s there is triggering her anxiety, so he asks me not to go over.
· Me and Emily follow these instructions for months, while Tom and Kath continue coming and going to either of our apartments as they please.
· Emily eventually gets in touch with Kath to try and understand exactly why me coming over is an issue, since Kath has no problem coming to my place. Kath has a meltdown due to this and it makes her suicidal.
· Tom falls out with me because I knew about the messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
(Skip to 'Late April' if you want to go straight to the crux of this post, but I do think it's quite an entertaining read).
Background Context
Me and Tom (both mid-twenties) have lived together in our apartment since I moved to the city last year. I’ve known him for several years and would put him in my inner circle of closest friends, so living with him was all just good chill vibes as expected - or at least it was for the first six months.
I met Tom’s girlfriend of several months, Kath, for the first time pretty soon after moving in. Although she was kind of shy, I thought she seemed nice enough. I noticed that Kath would seem to lean on Tom a fair amount when it came to support for her mental health (she had been diagnosed with anxiety), which of course is normal as her boyfriend. On one occasion, she had a particularly bad anxious episode during a group hangout, with Tom consoling her about it afterwards. Following this, Tom seemed exhausted, saying to me “I’m not a professional, I’m not equipped to deal with all this mental health stuff. She needs help from someone who can adequately help her deal with these thoughts. When she blows things out of proportion and she stresses out to me about her anxiety, it just ends up making my own anxiety worse”. He also said that he had even offered to pay for therapy for Kath, but she didn’t want to accept it.
I just felt bad for Tom, especially since I had some understanding of what he was going through. I had previously had a girlfriend who had anxiety/depression/BPD and put all her mental health issues on me. That girlfriend was also very manipulative and would mention suicidal thoughts any time she started feeling like she was losing control over me (just to be clear, there was no indication that Kath was acting in a manipulative way towards Tom at that point). In my experience, when you end up in a situation where you’re essentially acting as someone’s full-time personal mental health counsellor, it hardly ever ends well.
At some point in January, I met Kath’s “bestie” flatmate, Emily. I remember thinking she was cute, seemed nice and easy to talk to. We all hung out as a group a few times that month and I thought there may have been a little bit of a vibe between me and Emily.
So as you do, I slid into Emily’s DMs and basically let her know I was interested. I messaged her a week or two before our party that her and Kath were coming to, but her response was lukewarm so I just thought she probably wasn’t interested.
For context, I had recently broken up with my girlfriend in January, who had just got back from travelling for the last 6 months. Things in that relationship weren’t great before she even went travelling, and during the months she was away I had come to terms with the fact that it was best to end it. I waited until she was back to say it in person, as I didn’t want to drop that on her while she was travelling and ruin that once in a lifetime experience. However, deep down I knew I had wanted talk to other girls and explore new connections for the last few months, but obviously I didn’t want talk to anyone until it was cleanly over. Me messaging Emily was only a few days after breaking up with her, which I guess isn’t great, but in my head I had been ready to move on for a while, I saw no point in putting an arbitrary time limit on myself. I made sure to explain this context when I messaged Emily so that she was aware of my recent circumstances.
The Party (End of January)
So me and Emily end up getting with each other at the party. Initially, when I brought up me messaging her, she said “I think you’re cute, but I think it’s best we just be friends for the next couple months, since you just recently got out of a relationship, and we can see what happens afterwards”. But as the night went on, I guess Emily changed her mind, because as we kept talking it got increasingly flirty and we ended up getting together. Perfect end to the night, right? Not exactly.
At one point when Emily goes to the bathroom, she comes back into my bedroom saying “Kath is furious at me”. I ask why, and she says that Kath had basically forbidden her from getting with me.
Back when I first messaged Emily, she had of course shown Kath the messages straight away. It turns out Kath for some reason had a really intense reaction to this and was like “I can’t believe he has the audacity to hit on my best friend right after breaking up with his girlfriend! It’s so disrespectful using you as a rebound, it’s disrespectful to his ex and it’s disrespectful to me for hitting on my best friend like this! He was the only one of Tom’s friends that I actually liked but he’s ruined that too now!”.
Apparently, Kath had been used as a rebound before and this was triggering for her, so she didn’t want her best friend to be used as a rebound. She said “you can’t get with him, Emily, that’s my boundary.” Emily was a bit taken aback by the intensity of this reaction and was just a bit like “umm okay…?”. She tried a few times before the party to understand a bit more about why Kath had such a problem with it but didn’t get much further explanation than that.
Now, I agree that Emily was in the wrong for saying to Kath that she wouldn’t get with me and then went and did it anyway, and Emily also acknowledges this. Emily should have said from the start she wasn’t okay with this weird “boundary” Kath had set. It was a bit cowardly. Although given how intensely Kath overreacts to things, I can understand why Emily initially just agreed to whatever she was saying to calm her down. I can also understand how when you’re at a party having fun, drinking and realise that you do actually have a good vibe with the person, in the moment you might change your mind and be like “actually fuck that, who the fuck is she to tell me who I can and can’t get with?”.
Kath saw this as Emily having no respect for their friendship, by choosing some guy she’d just met over her. From Emily’s perspective she was choosing herself, choosing not to follow these nonsensical rules that had been imposed on her, and she was just tired of Kath overreacting to everything and trying to control her.
In my opinion, being this controlling for no good reason is pretty disrespectful in itself. Given that Kath’s reason for telling Emily not to get with me was because she didn’t want her to be used as a rebound…well that’s Emily’s risk to take, isn’t it? I can see how from Emily’s perspective, she knew Kath might not be happy about it, but it’s also not some deep betrayal, since based on the reason Kath gave, the consequence would only be on Emily herself. Emily had the exact same knowledge about my recent relationship status as Kath did, so why did Kath think she can tell her what to do?
As we get to further into this post and the real reason why Kath set this “boundary” is revealed, you will see why I actually think any argument Kath has against Emily for getting with me at the party is automatically void, but we will learn these details as they come.
Start of February
After the events of the party, Kath didn’t want to talk to Emily the next day when she tried to initiate communication via message (Kath tends to avoid in-person confrontation). Fair enough, Emily gave her space. Me and Emily spend the next day together just talking and getting to know each other more, and it’s clear that we vibe together and both feel very comfortable with each other, which is pretty rare for both of us.
I don’t see Tom for the first few days after the party, as he had been staying at Kath’s. When I do, I’m a bit surprised that he didn’t think much of Kath’s reaction at the party. He says “yeah I probably should have warned you about this beforehand”. We both agree that Emily was in the wrong for going back on what she said, but also that Kath shouldn’t have tried to control her like that. He did say “sorry I know this put you in an awkward position”.
A few days after the party, Emily again tries to get in touch with Kath via message.
Emily’s message essentially apologised for her actions, saying she was in the wrong for going back on what she said, and that she should have said from the start that she wasn’t happy with this “boundary”. She also said that Kath shouldn’t have tried to dictate her life and tell her what to do, especially when it’s something that’s none of her business, and that she is going to continue seeing me, taking the risk of being a “rebound”.
Kath’s response essentially said the whole incident at the party was only a small part of why she exploded so intensely, this was just the last in a long line of things Emily had done in the past which she had not forgiven her for. This was just the last straw for Kath because “it hit so close to home, so close to the love of my life”. She wanted things to be civil between them until the end of their tenancy, but this was essentially the end of their friendship.
Okay good, Kath flipping out so badly now finally made a bit more sense to me. Obviously, I wanted to know what Emily had done that was so bad to cause this, as any indicators of bad character would inform whether I choose to keep talking to her.
Emily went through these, explaining that these were incidents from their past that they had discussed at the time, dealt with and moved on from. I have cut these out for the word limit as they don’t add much to this post, but it was the most minor, nonsensical things (I can explain in the comments if anyone wants details).
In any case, I wasn’t particularly interested in what mistakes Emily might have made months or years ago, I was more interested in what her character was like now and going forward.
Early/Mid February
So here’s where the main situation we’re in now starts. For context, Kath and Emily’s apartment is in the city center, close to where both mine and Tom’s offices are, so it would make sense to go over in the evening and go into work from theirs the next morning, as Tom has been doing once or twice a week for the last few months.
It's worth noting that ever since the party right up to the present moment, Emily and Kath have not been interacting at all, avoiding each other in their apartment, only messaging for things like bill payments.
The first time I planned to go stay round Emily’s place was early/mid-February. When I mention this to Tom, he tells me that Kath has been having a really bad time mentally since the party, and the thought of me and Emily being there together triggers her anxiety. He asks me not to go over to their apartment for the next couple of weeks or so while she’s in this particularly bad phase. I don’t really understand what me going over and seeing Emily has to do with Kath’s anxiety (and Tom says he doesn't really understand it either himself), but I say okay fine it’s not that big of deal, I won’t go over for the time being.
Now, a valid question for myself is why I decided to keep seeing Emily, despite knowing that Kath had fallen out with her and therefore knowing it could potentially cause fiction between me and Tom. I don’t think I did anything wrong for several reasons:
· I suppose there’s the general visceral reaction against being told what to do. Like mind your own business, it’s not my fault Kath decided to get involved in my business. Why should she get what she wants when she’s the one being unreasonable? Why should we deny ourselves the opportunity of getting to know someone we seem to vibe with just because Tom’s girlfriend doesn’t like it?
· Before I even knew there was any issue at all, it was already too late; I had already gotten with Emily, they had already fallen out, and Kath already thought I was a dickhead. So what good would it do now to not see each other? Kath already didn’t like me (and she had also previously told me that once she doesn’t like someone, there’s no going back, they’re finished in her mind).
· In the initial first few days after the party, both me and Tom were kind of expecting that Kath’s reaction would blow over in a few days after she had cooled down. How could I have predicted that her reaction would instead continue getting increasingly intense as the situation went on?
· Frankly, I was annoyed at Tom at this point. He knew how Kath had reacted to me messaging Emily, so why did he just bend over and enable his girlfriends’ controlling, unreasonable behavior without question? If it was my girlfriend acting like this generally, I’d be like “why are you getting involved in their business, just let them do what they want?”, and especially so if it was directly affecting one of my close friends.
· Fundamentally, there’s no inherent reason why there had to be any issue at all? Okay Kath has ended her friendship with Emily and might not like that we’re seeing each other, but there’s no need for there to be any continued drama. Obviously we won’t all be hanging out as a four having fun like I had initially hoped, but that doesn’t mean we can’t just exist as adults and be civil? The only reason this continues to be an issue in the first place is because Kath is making it an issue for everyone else involved.
· Finally, I actually like Emily – from the first few days it was clear it wasn’t just going to be a FWB situation. If it felt like more of a superficial FWB situation, then yeah I probably would have just thought it’s not worth the drama, even though I thought Kath was the one in the wrong.
Late February
Over the month of February, me and Emily keep hanging out and getting closer. Whilst I was keeping a very close eye on her for any sign of character flaws (it was still possible that Kath could be in the right, even though her side of it didn’t make much sense to me), the more I got to know her, the more it seemed my initial judgment of her was accurate. I saw how she acted with her other friends, they all seemed to really value and appreciate her. I saw her helping out her friend in need of a fairly large amount of money without a second thought, I saw her going to accompany her friend for a medical scan they had, and generally she was really nice and thoughtful with me. Not exactly the behavior of an inconsiderate person.
Sometime in late February, Emily messages me completely baffled. She couldn’t believe that Kath had invited over a girl from their social circle, Dianne. The reason why this is a bit scandalous is because Kath is always talking shit about Dianne behind her back. And it’s not just “she can be a bit annoying sometimes”, it’s an explicit sentiment of how much she dislikes her, how much of a bad person she is and how much she wants her removed from her life. And she does this frequently, I barely speak to Kath and even I’ve heard her rant about how much she doesn’t like Dianne. So, she’s constantly saying this kind of stuff behind her back, and here she is now inviting her round for tea acting all friendly. I just found that so two-faced and this inevitably shaped my perception of Kath being deceptive.
Not long after I heard about this, Kath was round our place over the weekend. Me, Tom and Kath were heading off to our friend’s housewarming party later that day, with me driving us. At one point when the three of us are all in the kitchen, Kath speaks to me properly for the first time since the party, basically to clear the air. She says she doesn’t want there to be any bad blood between us and that her problem wasn’t with me, it was with Emily. I just say that I was cool with her, I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with me or when coming over to our apartment, and that the situation between her and Emily was between them and not my business.
I wasn’t entirely convinced with her “clearing the air”, given that I had seen she apparently has no issue with being two-faced, but at the time I thought it was best to stay cool with her for the sake of me and Tom’s friendship and also I didn’t particularly fancy spending the rest of the day and a long car ride with awkward vibes.
End of February
At the end of February, Tom asks me how things are going with Emily and basically advises caution with her. He says that from what he’s seen she’s basically not a good person and she’s generally inconsiderate. I tell him I find that surprising from what I’ve seen of Emily, but I know it’s possible she could have just been putting on a front for the last month. I openly accept this, saying “I want to hear what you have to say, obviously you’re my friend and I respect your opinion”.
Essentially, he doesn’t bring up anything that I hadn’t already been told.
When I question Tom on why Kath thought she was a mind reader and assuming what my intentions were with Emily at the very start of this whole thing, Tom reveals he had since found out that the real reason Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me in the first place actually wasn’t really to do with me recently breaking up with my girlfriend/using Emily as a rebound (Tom said this was a minor part of the reason, more of an excuse to base it on). It was more that Kath already knew beforehand that she wanted to end her friendship with Emily and was essentially trying to prevent her still being part of her life (i.e. by getting close to her boyfriend’s friend/flatmate).
Now it all made sense why Kath tried to “ban” her from getting with me in the first place. I’m not sure if Tom thought telling me this would make me more sympathetic to Kath’s side of it, but if anything, this deceptive behavior was even more of a red flag to me. As far as everyone (except for Kath) was concerned, her and Emily were best friends. Kath had even said to Emily a couple of weeks before the party that “she was like a sister to her”.
Tom didn’t seem to have much issue with this, saying something along the lines of “yeah I know she shouldn’t have kept all this stuff bottled up, but she doesn’t like confrontation, it makes her really anxious”.
After learning this, I think any argument for Emily being in the wrong for disobeying Kath’s instructions at the party is automatically void: Imagine having the audacity to be like “yeah I know I tried to control you by framing it as me being a protective friend looking out for you, but actually it was really because I wanted to end my friendship with you anyway teehee 😊”. In my view that is just so manipulative. No wonder the reason given to Emily for not getting with me made no sense to her.
When I revealed this to Emily, she said that she had been suspecting that was the case anyway, but it still really hurt to hear it confirmed.
Form her perspective it was like: “So was Kath holding all these grudges all the times I was consoling her for whatever mental health issue she was having at any given time?” (I wonder if Tom was thinking what a bad person Emily was when it was him and Emily staying up till stupid o’clock trying to console Kath who was crying about job applications a few weeks before all this kicked off). There are many other examples of things she had done for Kath in both the recent and more distant past.
Kath also knew that Emily’s best friend had killed herself a few years prior, and after going through the loss of her best friend, Emily had always said she was super hesitant to call anyone her “best friend”. Kath knew about this and still let Emily believe they were best friends, whilst she clearly didn’t really mean it, which I think is quite cruel of her.
Despite what I had seen of Emily so far, I still took what Tom said into account, and continued to watch her carefully.
Mid March
Another couple of weeks pass and given that my last interaction with Kath was her clearing the air with me, I thought everything was now cool between us. I mention to Tom at the start of the week that I’m planning to stay at their apartment later that week and he says “okay cool”. However, later that same evening, he once again asks me not to go over to their apartment. Apparently when he told Kath that I was going over, she started having a panic attack at the thought of me going there.
At this point I’m really started to get frustrated at this situation and again I try to understand exactly what the problem is, because this entire time Kath and Tom have been coming and going to either apartment as they please, so Kath clearly doesn’t have a problem coming to my apartment while I’m there. Tom again says that he doesn’t fully understand it himself, and that Kath doesn’t want to feel this way either, but she’s in a really bad place at the moment and me being there with Emily is really triggering her anxiety.
This makes no sense to me or Emily, because we obviously wouldn’t do anything to make Kath uncomfortable, and from our perspective this is just enabling her dysfunctional way of dealing with this situation.
Even though I still don’t understand what the fuck me seeing Emily has got to do with Kath’s mental health, I’m obviously not going to barge my way into someone’s home when I’m not welcome. So once again, I do as I’m told and say I won’t go over. But I do tell Tom that this situation isn’t going to continue going on like this indefinitely, and to me it feels to me like I’m being walked all over, in the sense of “oh yeah no worries, you two carry on going to either apartment as you please, I’ll just sit here like a dickhead and follow my instructions, don’t worry about it 😊”. He does say sorry and that he knows it’s inconvenient for us, but it's an even bigger inconvenience for Kath.
It’s worth bearing in mind that at this point, I could have responded to this situation by saying that if I’m not welcome at her apartment, Kath is not welcome here (or equally Emily could say to Kath “you can’t bring Tom round”). Whilst yes, it’s a bit petty, I think this would be a completely justified response to prevent a situation where we are being walked all over. Because what would be the alternative? They just carry on doing as they please indefinitely whilst Emily is told she isn’t allowed to have equal use of her own apartment? Now obviously telling your friend that his girlfriend isn’t allowed to come over is really a last resort and would definitely put a big dent in our friendship, and generally I have no desire to control what anyone else does, so of course I didn’t respond in this way.
Despite my frustration at this entire situation, I do feel bad for Tom because I can see how uncomfortable he seems during these conversations with me, he obviously doesn’t want to give me these unreasonable instructions. I can only assume he’s just trying to do whatever he can to keep his girlfriend afloat and prevent her next meltdown. I’ve been there myself dealing with a girlfriend with mental health issues, so I don’t want to actively make things worse for my friend either. However, I’m also worried that it’s likely to get worse for him the more he feeds into it and gets sucked into it.
At this point, the cynical side of me couldn’t help but wonder if Kath was being a bit manipulative and leaning into all the mental health stuff to maintain control of the situation.
· She seemingly is unable to give a reason for exactly why me and Emily being in her apartment makes her so uncomfortable. To me, this was completely indistinguishable from her just hating the fact that we’re together.
· All this reminds me of exactly the same kind of manipulative behavior I saw with that ex-girlfriend.
· She’s shown she has no problem with being intentionally deceptive – maybe if the entire basis of this situation hadn’t started off with Kath being manipulative she would have a bit more credibility in my eyes.
I know this kind of behavior is often not even intentional, and that it can be subconscious where the person doesn’t even realise they’re being manipulative.
(Still Mid March)
Now we get to the part that pisses me off the most in this whole situation. Only a few days after that conversation with Tom, for some reason Kath comes to stay in our apartment for the weekend while Tom was away at a house party. As in, it’s just me and Kath in my apartment.
Personally, I couldn’t imagine having the nerve to say to someone they aren’t welcome in my home because their presence triggers me, and then only a mere few days later actively choosing to go stay the weekend at their place while it’s just us two in the apartment. Like either my presence triggers you or it doesn’t?
Now to be fair, Tom had asked me a week or two beforehand if Kath could come to our apartment to hang out with someone from our friend group while he was away, and I said that was cool. Anyway, those plans fell through, but Kath still came over by herself.
But the main thing that pissed me off about this is that Tom, after knowing that I was already feeling like I was being taken for a mug in this situation, apparently didn’t even think it was worth bothering to check with me if it was still cool with me that Kath came round, given our conversation a few days prior.
If he’d at least checked in like, “I know it’s a bit weird that she’s coming to stay round by herself after having just said that your presence triggers her anxiety”, I still would’ve said okay, because I have no desire to control what anyone does. But it was just the fact he didn’t seem to care, saying “btw Kath is gonna stay here tonight” moments before leaving to his party.
To me it felt like he had spent the last month or so basically giving me instructions to make sure everyone caters to his girlfriend’s feelings, and yet didn’t give the slightest consideration to how this would make me feel. Part of me was thinking does he even see me as a friend or just as an inconvenience to his relationship at this point?
I spoke to Tom in the week following this, expressing how I had felt about Kath staying round. He did apologise and acknowledged he could’ve checked in with me, but he didn’t really seem to understand why her coming over like that was such a kick in the teeth for me. He said Kath doesn’t have a problem with me, it’s only a very specific situation that triggers her (i.e. me and Emily being in her apartment together).
Again I try to understand exactly why it’s a problem. Ever since the party, Emily’s presence in their apartment has consisted of her quietly staying in her room, quickly cooking her food and going straight back to her room. She doesn’t spend 2 hours in the kitchen making food like Kath and Tom sometimes do when he’s there.
Tom again says he doesn’t fully understand it himself. From what he understands, it’s triggering because her home is her safe space and if we’re both there it’s like there’s two hostile presences in that safe space. He reiterated that she is in a very dark place at the moment, and that she’s been having frequent panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.
Tom then says that Kath would be prepared to leave the apartment if me and Emily wanted to meet there, and Kath would basically get out of the way and come to me and Tom’s apartment instead. This did give me a bit more confidence that Kath wasn’t just purposefully making things difficult.
If Kath genuinely meant this, then of course that’s really appreciated, but I’m obviously not going to make her leave her own home and come all the way to ours to then have a 2 hour commute to her work. It’s so over the top and needless. I think that this clearly isn’t a functional solution going forward. What if one day when we want to meet up, Kath has had a long day at work and doesn’t feel like leaving her apartment (obviously, fair enough!), what if she’s got plans with friends in her apartment that evening? In any case, it’s still a situation where rules are being imposed on us, I can never just spontaneously decide to go see Emily one day after work or something. We still can’t come and go freely in the same way they have been doing for the past two months. It would be much better to understand why exactly it’s such a problem and see how we’re going to find a long-term solution, instead of Kath just running away from it.
The cynical side of me was wondering if Kath was just saying this knowing that neither me or Emily are realistically going to make her leave her own home, and if we do agree to it, then she can say “oh look how inconsiderate they are, making me leave my own home just so that they can be in the apartment”, ensuring that she keeps Tom firmly on her side.
Logically, I would’ve thought as time goes on, Kath would eventually get used to the situation and just accept it. Conversely, is it not quite understandable that the longer we have rules imposed on us, the more frustrated we become?
Once again say that I won’t go over and tell him that I won’t press this issue for the time being.
Late April
So now we get to the latest development in the situation, which is the crux of this post.
For the next month or so after that conversation with Tom, me and Emily have just been following our instructions and not pressed anything, whilst they continue coming and going as they please. One weekend we’re talking about the whole ‘Kath situation’ and we say “okay we’ve left it for a while now, it’s probably time to see how we’re going to move forward with this”.
In that next week, Emily sends Kath the following message:
“Hey, I appreciate this message might be uncomfortable but we need to discuss the fact that Jake can’t come here while you’re at home because I know that him and Tom have spoken about this but we’ve never addressed it with each other and I think it’s unfair that they’ve been largely absorbing this conflict this whole time. Can you please tell me what the exact problem would be and how we could make it work? At the end of the day we both pay equal rent here and I should be allowed to bring someone over, especially considering that Tom comes here whenever you want. We’re nothing more than just 2 housemates now and if you were living with a stranger from Spareroom such restrictions couldn’t have existed. I think I’ve let it slide and should have addressed it earlier, but it’s time we come up with a fair solution and I’d like to know if there’s anything reasonable we can do. I don’t want to go into other conversations about our fallout cause that’s done and dusted now, I want to strictly address this issue. Would you like some notice before he comes? I can’t always guarantee how far in advance I can let you know but I will do my best to give you enough time.”
Kath’s response:
“hey, I do not really appreciate this conversation being brought up 2 days before my birthday and I wish we can settle it today and not drag it on. And I do not appreciate you using Tom as a weapon to guilt trip me either. Please let me know if he is coming over tonight so that I can go somewhere else. As u probably already know I am in a really bad place at the moment and being in the apartment with both of you makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. I’m already struggling to be there and I have been discussing with the agency about terminating the contract early, the terms have only been made clear to me today so I was going to message you about it. By paying a fee of £660 (£330 each) we can terminate the contract 12^th of June and I wish u will consider this. I will be gone from the apartment for 2 weeks. I would really appreciate it if you do not bring him over in the next few days as I said it will be my birthday and I will be gone for 2 weeks after if you decide to do so after this, please let me know at least 2 days in advance so that I can leave (pack clothes and everything), but do not take advantage of this as it is extremely difficult for me to commute to work – it takes me 2 hours on the bus”
Emily’s response to this:
“I don’t appreciate you using your birthday as a “weapon” to paint me as an inconsiderate person once again as you’re saying you were going to message me anyway about terminating the contract. You always have Tom round without any notice, without ever considering if it was ever uncomfortable for me given what’s happened - but now you expect me to organise our schedule around you? We can’t ever do something spontaneous or simply make plans the day before? Jake won’t be coming tonight or in the next few days until you’re away. I was hoping we could talk about why exactly this makes you uncomfortable and unsafe as it’s quite clear we wouldn’t interact with you or do anything to purposely upset/annoy you. You also had no problem being in his apartment with him without Tom there, so clearly his presence must not be that big of a problem. I am going to get back to you about terminating the contract as I have to figure out where I would go, but I’d love nothing more than to leave this apartment as early as possible too.”
There was no response after Emily’s second message.
Tom comes back to our apartment the next day and ignores me all day until the evening when he asks “Did you know that Emily was going to send those messages?”.
I say “Yes, obviously?”. He responds with “Right, okay” and starts walking back towards his room.
I ask him what was wrong with the messages, and he comes back and says “what the fuck is Emily doing sending messages like that to my suicidal girlfriend?”. He essentially thought the tone of the messages, the proximity to Kath’s birthday and the fact that we’re once again bringing up this issue of me coming round was out of order. He also said that Emily’s 2^nd message was implying that she was just going to bring me round without any notice anyway (looking at the message, no it wasn’t? It was just highlighting the unfairness of Kath expecting us to organise our schedule around her? None of the messages say that I’m going to come over, they are essentially just trying to understand exactly why it makes Kath uncomfortable).
We also did note that it was Kath’s birthday on the Friday (messages were sent on Tuesday). Maybe that wasn’t ideal, but we thought what real difference does it make? This is nothing new, it’s the same situation that’s been ongoing for the last 3 months anyway (and personally, I thought that up until the moment Kath says “okay sorry, I shouldn’t have imposed rules on you” then she shouldn’t expect that this won’t be brought up to her?).
I was a bit shocked at how angry he was and explained that we’re just trying to understand exactly what her issue is, because it still doesn’t make any sense to us. I bring up the general point about Kath imposing rules on people and expects everyone to cater to her feelings, whilst zero consideration has been given to how Emily has felt over the last 3 months, when not only does it make her uncomfortable as well that there are two “hostile presences” in her home, but especially given that those hostile presences have told her she’s not allowed to have equal use of her apartment she also pays rent for.
Tom responds with “but it’s not making Emily feel suicidal is it? Kath was having convulsions on the fucking bed last night after those messages. Why do you keep focusing on this tiny issue of coming to the apartment when my girlfriend is literally suicidal? She’s already said she’d make arrangements to leave the apartment for when you want to come over, and yet you keep pressing the issue and triggering her further”.
In that moment I was a bit taken aback and didn’t have much of a response. I kind of just sat and processed that for a few minutes, thinking “fuck, have I actually been in the wrong this whole time?”. Tom looked exhausted and stressed out, he must have been dealing with Kath’s meltdown the whole of the night before.
I say to Tom “tell Kath not to worry about me coming over while she’s there, I’m not going to, I’ll just leave it for good and won’t press this issue anymore”. Tom doesn’t give much of a response, but I think he says “I appreciate it”. He leaves for his two-week holiday shortly after.
I felt really bad that evening, thinking I had caused Tom to have to deal with whatever horrible meltdown because of me pressing this issue. Maybe I had been overly cynical of Kath, and she genuinely was just trying her best and not meaning to be manipulative.
When Tom got back from his holiday, he basically confirmed our friendship is over because I had known about those messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
I’ve thought about the situation a lot since he left for his holiday:
· Looking back at the messages Emily sent, I think the tone is completely fine? Every single person I’ve shown the messages to has said they are actually quite kind and empathetic, and way nicer than they need to be given Kath’s behavior over the last 3 months.
· Tom’s reaction was essentially “how dare Emily have the audacity to ask for a reason why she hasn’t been allowed to have equal use of her own apartment for the last 3 months!”
· It’s true that Tom had mentioned that Kath had been having some suicidal thoughts a month prior, but I didn’t know that this would directly impact that, especially since I thought the message was quite nice and sensitive. Just the weekend before this Tom and Kath were out clubbing, having fun and they were going on holiday later that week. So obviously I didn’t realise she was still feeling so bad. How could anyone expect that simply asking the question of “why does this make you so uncomfortable” would result in this reaction.
· As soon as I did realise how intensely Kath had reacted, and what Tom had had to deal with as a result, I backed off straight away, saying that she doesn’t have to worry, I’m not going to press it anymore.
· Realistically, if this is how Kath reacts to being asked for basic fairness, then I think really she needs to be in a mental health crisis centre or hospital, not just carrying on with everyday life as if everything is fine, and certainly not in a situation where she’s imposing rules on people.
· At the end of the day, Kath’s mental health is not my responsibility, nor is it Tom’s responsibility. I think it’s unfair of Kath to have made it his problem to such a large degree.
Logically, I don’t think I’m in the wrong, and yet Tom’s reaction to this makes me feel like I’m going crazy. That’s why I wrote out everything’s that’s happened from start to finish to “audit” myself and evaluate each of my actions throughout the entire situation. I’ve looked back and don’t think I’m in the wrong for anything I’ve done. The only explanation I can think of is that Tom has been so deep in all of Kath’s mental health stuff 24/7 that he’s just not thinking clearly about this situation.

I just received a pelvic MRI results from the hospital. The test showed that I had a slight dilatation of the venous plexuses of the pelvic floor. Could this be directly responsible for erectile dysfunction? I have already discussed this with my urologist and he said that even if it is, there is not much that can be done about it but he said I could discuss it with an angiologist.
I read on the Internet that various surgical procedures can be used to narrow the dilated venous plexuses of the pelvic floor. One option is a procedure called internal saphenous vein embolization, which involves blocking or narrowing dilated venous plexuses using small catheters inserted through blood vessels. Another option is to surgically remove the dilated vessels.
Does anyone know this area or have any experience? Can this even be the cause of my ED?
I have been dealing with pretty bad ED for 11 years. I am still young - 29 years old, but at the moment I have no morning wood, I can only achieve an erection while taking a pde5 inhibitor but only really big doses work on me, and not always. Big doses I mean 200 mg of sildenafil sometimes mixed with tadalafil - 20 mg or 40 mg and even that gives me up to 80% of erection. 10 years ago PDE5 was way more effective for me, but now it barely works, and pretty often my penis still needs physical stimulation.
Expect pelvic MRI, I did :

• Hormones, morphology, glucose blood tests
• Doppler ultrasound
• Spine and brain MRI
• Testicular ultrasound
• Neurological examination MNC - Perineal - Bulbo-Cavernous Reflex
• Semen and urine culture
• Heart ultrasound, heart ECG

All the above tests were good and did not indicate any abnormalities.
I’ve also tried shockwave therapy, PRP, and stem cells but without any effects.
I am fit and healthy, I sleep well, I eat well and I do not stress much. I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs and I drink occasionally. Psychological factors were also ruled out by doctors. I take and I took loads of supplements helping for ED, I don’t even want to list them because it would be too long

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Kansas

Despite voters overwhelmingly rejecting a constitutional amendment that would have allowed abortion restrictions in the state, Kansas Republicans passed several anti-abortion bills into law late last month, overriding the governor’s veto.
The first bill, HB 2436, makes it a crime to “coerce” someone into having an abortion. Democrats attempted to widen the scope of the bill to include all kinds of reproductive coercion, like pressuring someone to become or stay pregnant and prohibiting their access to birth control, and enshrine a right to “reproductive autonomy.” Republicans voted down the amendment.
The second bill, HB 2749, requires medical facilities and providers to (1) ask patients their reason for having an abortion and (2) report the data, including personal information about the patient, to the legislature every other year. Gov. Laura Kelly (D) agreed with the objections of Democrats and reproductive rights advocates, saying when she vetoed the bill that there is “no valid reason to force a woman to disclose to the legislature why she is seeking an abortion.”

• Democrats offered numerous amendments to HB 2749, including one to require men to report to the legislature their reasons for having a vasectomy and another requiring men to report why they are seeking treatment for erectile dysfunction. Republicans rejected all of them.

Finally, the Republican legislature overrode Kelly’s line-item veto allocating $2 million to the Pregnancy Compassion Awareness Program, created last year with a different veto override. The program is run by an anti-abortion group called the Kansas Pregnancy Care Network, which refers pregnant people to crisis pregnancy centers designed to use misleading information to discourage them from obtaining an abortion.

Louisiana

Louisiana’s legislature is doubling down on its anti-abortion laws, passing bills to increase criminalization and refusing to add exemptions to its abortion ban.
Earlier this month, the Louisiana House took up a bill passed by the Senate that would make it a crime, punishable by jail time, to possess abortion-inducing medication. SB 276, sponsored by 23 Republicans and one Democrat, was initially written to create a punishment for coercing someone into an abortion without their knowledge or consent (e.g. spiking a drink). However, House legislators recently added an amendment to the bill that classifies mifepristone and misoprostol as Schedule IV substances alongside some opioids and benzodiazepines. A pregnant person possessing the drugs for their own use could not be charged, but others who intend to distribute them to pregnant people seeking an abortion or store them for their own potential future use would face up to ten years in prison.

“Neither is a drug of abuse or dependence, and that is what the controlled drug schedule is for,” said [emergency room Dr. Jennifer] Avegno of the abortion drugs. “It makes no scientific or medical sense to put these drugs in the same category as Xanax or Valium.”
Mifepristone is a drug that blocks a hormone called progesterone, which is necessary for a pregnancy to continue. Misoprostol causes uterine contractions, causing the body to expel the pregnancy tissue. Mifepristone is also used to treat Cushing’s disease, a hormonal disorder. Misoprostol is also used to induce labor, manage a miscarriage and in the treatment of ulcers. Neither are addictive. “People do not go around taking them and getting dependent and having bad outcomes because of it,” said Avegno. “It’s like saying your blood pressure medicine or insulin is a drug of abuse.”

A week later, Republicans on the House Criminal Justice Committee voted 7-4 to reject a bill to add rape and incest exceptions to the state’s total abortion ban. House Bill 164, written by Democratic Rep. Delisha Boyd, would have allowed girls younger than 17 to have abortions if they became pregnant as the result of sexual assault.

“That baby [in the womb] is innocent … We have to hang on to that,” said committee member Rep. Dodie Horton, R-Haughton, who voted against the bill. Rep. Lauren Ventrella, R-Greenwell Spring, also voted against the legislation, saying the proposed law would be difficult to enforce. Teenagers who had consensual sex might feign rape or incest in order to get access to abortion services, she suggested…
Dr. Neelima Sukhavasi, a Baton Rouge doctor specializing in obstetrics and gynecology, also implored the lawmakers to approve Boyd’s proposal. She and her colleagues have delivered babies for pregnant teenagers, including mothers as young as 13, since Louisiana’s abortion ban went into effect two years ago. These young pregnant people can experience health complications that affect them for the rest of their lives, Sukhavasi said, and sometimes don’t have the mental capacity to handle the births. “One of these teenagers delivered a baby while clutching a teddy bear,” she told the committee.

The Committee also killed three other bills: HB 56, to allow abortions in cases of spontaneous miscarriage or nonviable pregnancy; HB 63, to clarify that the removal of an ectopic pregnancy is not an abortion under state law; HB 293, to add protection for physicians who do not intend to induce abortion by prescribing certain medications.

Texas

Meanwhile, in Texas—a state that pioneered the war on women and reproductive rights—a man initiated legal action to sue people who helped his former partner obtain an out-of-state abortion.
The man, Collin Davis, filed a petition in a state district court seeking permission to launch legal depositions to collect evidence for a potential lawsuit under a Texas law that contains civil liability for anyone who “aids and abets” an abortion. According to his lawyer, Jonathan Mitchell (who crafted the anti-abortion law), Davis is seeking to sue “co-conspirators and accomplices…involved in the murder of [his] unborn child.”

“Fathers of aborted fetuses can sue for wrongful death in states with abortion bans, even if the abortion occurs out-of-state,” he wrote. “They can sue anyone who paid for the abortion, anyone who aided or abetted the travel, and anyone involved in the manufacture or distribution of abortion drugs.”
Molly Duane, a senior staff attorney with the Center for Reproductive Rights, described Mitchell’s statement and general approach as misleading “fearmongering.”
“People need to understand that it is not a crime to leave Texas or any other state in the country for an abortion,” said Duane, who is working with lawyers from the firm Arnold & Porter to represent the woman and others targeted in the Davis case. “I don’t want people to be intimidated, but they should be outraged and alarmed.” Duane described the woman’s relationship with Davis as “toxic and harmful.”

Mitchell also represents a different man who pursued a similar claim last year: Marcus Silva engaged Mitchell to sue the friends of his estranged wife for allegedly helping her obtain abortion pills. Evidence later revealed that Silva knew about the plans beforehand and did not intervene, likely intending to use the threat of legal action as a way of forcing his partner to halt divorce proceedings.

Monday’s counterclaim illustrates, in painstaking detail, exactly how Silva—aided by Mitchell—allegedly deployed this tactic. It was only after Brittni’s abortion was complete that Silva revealed he knew about the plan and, according to the lawsuit, threatened to turn her in if she didn’t submit to his continued abuse. He even showed the police photographs of messages discussing the possibility of an abortion. “Once I finally got home with the girls he had been drinking and he told me that he knew,” Brittni texted one friend. “He’s using it against me.” In another message, she wrote, “Now he’s saying if I don’t give him my ‘mind body and soul’ until the end of the divorce, which he’s going to drag out, he’s going to make sure I go to jail for doing it.” […]
The counterclaim points out another flaw in his argument: Silva himself “is responsible for the alleged injury for which he seeks to recover.” He “knew that Brittni planned to terminate her alleged pregnancy and acquiesced in accepting Brittni’s actions,” so “it would be unconscionable to permit him to benefit by changing his position now.” His claims, in short, are barred “by unclean hands,” because he effectively entrapped his estranged wife—covertly discovering her plan to terminate the pregnancy, then allowing her to go through with it for the express purpose of blackmailing her into staying with him.

Indiana

A three-judge panel of the Indiana Court of Appeals last month unanimously recognized a religious freedom challenge to the state’s complete ban on abortion.
The case, brought by Hoosier Jews for Choice and four anonymous women of various faiths, alleges that the ban interferes with “their sincere religious beliefs that require and direct them to obtain abortions” criminalized since the law took effect in 2023. According to Jewish law, a fetus does not have personhood until birth, and abortion is required if the pregnancy endangers the life or health of the mother.

Brief of Hoosier Jews for Choice (and other plaintiffs): As indicated by the declarations of numerous rabbis, Judaism teaches that a fetus becomes a living person only at birth, and prior to that is considered part of the woman’s body, without independent rights. Abortion should occur and is mandated to end a pregnancy that may cause serious consequences to a woman’s mental or physical heath. Judaism also recognizes that physical health risks are not limited to those likely to cause substantial and irreversible impairment of a major bodily function. Judaism stresses the necessity of protecting the physical and mental health of the woman—a life—over the potential for life present in a zygote, embryo, or fetus. Therefore, restrictions that prevent a woman from obtaining an abortion where compelled by Jewish law, which mandates that the woman act to protect her physical or mental health, impose a substantial burden on that person’s religious exercise.

Under Indiana’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA), “a governmental entity may not substantially burden a personʹs exercise of religion,” defined to include “any exercise of religion, whether or not compelled by, or central to, a system of religious belief.” This means that arguments about whether plaintiffs are strictly observant are irrelevant; the law protects sincerely held religious views regardless of whether that view is idiosyncratic or unorthodox. However, even a law that imposes a substantial burden on the exercise of religion can be enforced if it is “the least restrictive means of furthering [a] compelling governmental interest” (the strict scrutiny test).
The state argued that abortion does not carry “religious significance” and, even if it did, the abortion ban satisfies strict scrutiny because it is “sufficiently narrowly tailored” to “further the State’s interest” in “protecting human lives in the womb.” Throughout Indiana’s brief, the state attempts to use science to back up fetal personhood, extending developmental physiology to make unfounded claims that protected life unquestionably begins at conception:

In lower courts, the State’s compelling interest is not up for debate. In Cheaney v. State, the Indiana Supreme Court held that the State’s interest in protecting unborn children is “valid and compelling” from “the moment of conception.” …A basic understanding of biology supports these holdings. “That human fetuses are human beings is a scientific fact, not a theological claim.” Regardless whether an individual person believes this, “the scientific consensus” is that “[d]evelopment begins at fertilization,” after which the newly created “unicellular zygote divides many times and becomes progressively transformed into a multicellular human being through cell division, migration, growth, and differentiation.” …. Science thus tells us that “[t]he act of performing an induced abortion during any stage of pregnancy, from fertilization up to birth, ends the life of an innocent human being.” The State’s interest in protecting unborn fetal life at any stage from intentional destruction accordingly is nothing less than “compelling.”

A panel of the Indiana Court of Appeals—made up of a Republican appointee and two Democratic appointees—unanimously ruled against the state, upholding a lower court’s injunction against the abortion ban as it applies to the plaintiffs. In the process, the court laid out a path for religious freedom challenges to abortion bans in other states and at the federal level.

The trial court found that absent a preliminary injunction, Plaintiffs would be irreparably harmed by the loss of their religious freedoms guaranteed by RFRA. A loss of First Amendment freedoms, which include the right to free exercise of religion, “for even minimal periods of time, unquestionably constitutes irreparable injury.”... Without a preliminary injunction, Plaintiffs will suffer the loss of their right to exercise their sincere religious beliefs by obtaining an abortion when directed by their religion and prohibited by the Abortion Law. They also have shown their sexual and reproductive lives will continue to be restricted absent the injunction and as a result of the Abortion Law.

• Briefs can be found under case number 22A-PL-2938 on Indiana’s Appellate docket

TLDR: My dad failed as a parent and didn’t help me through huge hurdles in life, now he wants to be in my life. I don’t want to cut him out completely, but can’t keep turning him away. What now?
Don’t get me wrong, my dad is a really amazing person and was a huge factor for who I am today… but this is the third time in the last two months he’s shown up at my house.
Background: My parents broke up the day I was conceived, married quickly after they found out, and suddenly had a Very dysfunctional blended family. They divorced when I was 8, and both got remarried when I was in my teens. I was the only byproduct of that failed marriage, and was the only one in my households with shared custody. In total, I have 8 siblings. Four half siblings (all older) and four step-siblings (2 on my mom’s side, 2 on my dad’s) and I’m the youngest of them… Kinda. Almost all of them have more siblings from their other parents, so I’m somewhere in the middle, but there’s 23 kids in this generation alone.
My siblings often blamed me for why their lives sucked. The oldest ones wished they had never met my sister Halsey (older than me, younger than them) or had a new dad in their lives, Halsey said I took away her only chance of having a mom and was bitter that I had both parents in my life, and most of the step siblings were very unhappy that my parents had married their parents. To top things off, my dad was fairly depressed after fighting for custody of Halsey and even more so once my mom was through with him. So he agreed to fairly limited custody and my primary caregiver was a raging alcoholic with untreated bipolar disorder.
I got kicked out by my mom when I came out as trans at 15, and my dad said he couldn’t take me in because his girlfriend (now wife) and her kids had recently moved in. I couch surfed, eventually my oldest sibling bought me an apartment to stay in, worked 2 jobs until just last year, survived chemo/radiation treatments due to cancer, and never had family I could rely on. I stopped treatment two years ago because they weren’t improving my condition at all and my grandma had gotten sick, so she wasn’t able to take care of her mom (my great-grandma). I’ve accepted my limited timeline, moved closer to those grandmas, and thankfully have a boyfriend who helps support me as I’m not working anymore.
Onto the present: Well about half a year ago my dad reached back out, he regretted not being in my life aside from occasional holidays and birthday wishes. I didn’t. He’s a great person, but was a terrible parent. Two months ago he and his wife showed up at my house without even telling me they were going to be in town. I tried to humor them and sit outside to chat, despite his wife asking for the “grand tour” several times. I’ve lived here 3 years, they didn’t help me move or visit once until that day. The final straw was when they started nagging me for “never visiting”. It’s 1.5hr drive each way and I’ve been to their house twice a year since I turned 18!
I don’t know what I was thinking, but I just laid into my dad. Told him about the constant bullying at school, growing up being abused by my mother, facing homelessness, Halsey almost getting me expelled from my high school and physically attacking me in public later that year, getting my cancer diagnosis, having multiple surgeries since I’ve been 18, going through domestic violence with my ex, taking care of my grandma and great-grandma, and never feeling as though I had any family despite having so many relatives. Just because his step-kids have moved out and Halsey is in jail, doesn’t mean he can run to me as the backup child. He didn’t show up when I asked him to act like my dad 8 fucking years ago, so he can’t decide to be my dad now of all times.
He started crying at some point while I was talking and his wife joined in when I said that final sentence. I told them to get off my property and to go back to waiting for their Christmas cards. I didn’t cry until I was back inside my house.
They both showed up again a couple weeks ago, but nobody answered the door and I texted him to go home. This past weekend he stopped by and I answered the door to ask why he’s bothering me and my family. He asked to meet them, but I turned it down. My dad tried to explain that he didn’t realize I had gone through so much and was struggling himself after he and my mom divorced, but I didn’t want to hear it. I couldn’t. My dad fought for six years to save my sister Halsey, but didn’t even try for me.
Since then I’ve been getting friend requests on social media from him, his wife, and her kids. His wife and her kids have also been sending me messages about reconciling with Halsey, despite going NC with her years ago.
I just can’t take it anymore, but I also don’t want to completely cut him out of my life. He messed up, we all do. It wasn’t malicious, yet it caused so much pain. I’m in therapy and have been since 18, but I can hardly leave my house or have the energy to do anything around the house. What do I even do from here? Why does it feel like I’ve lost my dad all over again?

So, I’m binging the show and obviously am a little late to the game atp lol. I wanna do some deep reflection on Katie’s character and how she treats her kids.
What I’ve noticed throughout the first, second and now third seasons, is Katie’s inconsistency with the kids. She hates how Oliver has always been money obsessed and scheming for riches; she hated Taylor’s friends, the rich bfs, tried controlling everything and knocking her down a peg at every opportunity she had, but with Anna-Kat - it’s pretty much the opposite! She’s obsessed with helping her be apart of the “in crowd”, she tried to eliminate Franklin and get her close with those twins, then she obsessed over throwing the perfect get together for the “popular girls”, and is constantly trying to make play dates that expand her social circle and improve her popularity. I know Anna-Kat has been implied that she has OCD and is in special education, perhaps implications of being on the spectrum, but Katie just absolutely obsessed over the idea of her becoming popular and basically buying friendship from the popular kids. Meanwhile constantly shaming and judging the rich moms in her town because she’s projecting her fear of not belonging. It’s weird to me that she’s sooo controlling with her kids friends and dating life, not allowing them to be a part of the “rich” culture, but wants it for her youngest child. Am I overthinking this all? Is anyone else picking up on this? Does she hate the rich “culture” or does she cover it? Why pull two kids away whirled trying to encourage one kid to lean into it?
It makes me think of some negative parenting stereotypes: 1. Boy mom- no one is good enough for her baby boy. He will always be a baby in her eyes. Allowing him to mature, make money, have goals, etc. would mean he would eventually leave home and no longer need his mom. 2. Jealousy towards the oldest daughter. Katie is constantly reminding her how “popular she was” as a teen. Alluding to how active her s3x life was but judging her daughter for small things like minor PDA, Halloween costumes, etc . Demanding she dye her hair back when she dyed it blonde in the early season and basically saying she OWNED Taylor’s haibody. “Hating” every bf she ever had (worth mentioning how Katie was also seen doting over teen boys she claimed were attractive 🤢) and trying to run them all off or play mind games. Always meddling with her friendships in very intrusive ways. I could go on tbh. Lastly, 3. The Golden child. Anna-Kat. Despite causing trouble at school, being sneaky, manipulative, etc. she’s Katie’s “favorite child”. She always says how she is “just like her”. But is this really a good thing if she is constantly trying to get Taylor to be the complete opposite of who she was as a teen? Wouldn’t that mean she doesn’t like who she was or is? Could her treatment towards Taylor be fueled by jealousy from Taylor being who katie never really was? Was Katie actually “the coolest popular kid”? Or is this just a facade she’s portraying to justify her projecting, due to her internalized self-hatred?
I know, it’s just a TV show lol. None of it really matters in the grand scheme of things. But this is the stuff that keeps me up at night 😂 I’m constantly comparing my real life, my psychological knowledge and past experiences with the dynamics of TV show families. I can’t help but try to evaluate what’s realistic and what normal truly is or should be. 🤣🤣 and I guess that’s on growing up in a dysfunctional and abusive environment.

Been buying modafinil online for more than 9 years now. Throughout this time, I have interacted with many Modafinil vendors. While there were a few bad encounters, the bulk of my intersections were positive ones. If my experiences can benefit others, I am delighted to share them!
Through countless conversations with sellers, and occasional instances of getting cheated, I now possess something that I wish I had possessed in the past: a compiled list of trusted vendors.
Essentially, it is an invaluable compilation. If this proves helpful to you, kindly consider upvoting or sharing your own firsthand encounters in the comments section.

Best Vendors for Buying Modafinil Online Reddit

Below, you'll find my curated compilation of the top 15 Modafinil vendors on Reddit, based on personal experience:

1. Modafinia
2. BMO™
3. Sharkmood
4. Buymodafinilonline
5. HighStreetPharma
6. ModafinilXL
7. BuyModa
8. Skinorac
9. Kuikdose
10. BuyEtizolam
11. ModaPrime
12. ModafinilUSA
13. ModafinilUK
14. DaffyDog
15. Quickfinil.

1. Modafinia
In my viewpoint, this vendor stands out as one of the finest. With their extensive experience in the field, they have established themselves as a reputable entity and their pricing remains highly competitive.
Over the years, they have established a robust and consistent reputation. The only small concern pertains to the efficiency and promptness of their customer service, which tends to be extremely slow or unresponsive.
2. BMO™
BMO is a relatively new player in the market. I have been making purchases from them over the past few weeks, and the experience thus far has been exceptional.
They are the first online vendor to provide prices that are more affordable than Modafinia. Their customer service is exceptional, with incredibly swift responses.
It is truly commendable and I genuinely hope they continue to operate for a long time more.
3. Sharkmood
One of the few vendors with a rich and extensive legacy. Their long standing track record attests to their dependability, albeit at slightly elevated costs. It may be beneficial to consider paying a slightly higher amount for the added sense of reassurance.
4. Buymodafinilonline
When it comes to their marketing strategies, those involved in spamming are often referred to as "spam kings."
On Reddit, there is a significant amount of testimonials and mentions them, possibly indicating their involvement in persistent guerilla marketing initiatives.
I can envision the influx of emails from HighStreetPharma that will likely flood your inbox once your email address becomes known to them.
5. HighStreetPharma
HighStreetPharma (HSP) used to be widely recognized as the most renowned platform on the list, offering an extensive selection of products. HSP has been in operation for a long time.
The previous purchase I made from them did not reach its destination, and attempting to establish communication with customer support was almost impossible. In the end, they completely ghosted me.
6. ModafinilXL
In terms of marketing strategy, the vendor who has the widest reach is the one I've consistently found to be the most expensive.
As far as I can recall, ModafinilXL has been in operations for as long as BuyModa and HSP. Consequently, it may be worthwhile to consider paying a slightly higher price for the added assurance and peace of mind.
7. BuyModa
This is the origin of the bothersome Moda Mike. Additionally, as one of the early leaders in the Modafinil market, they have focused solely on offering Modafinil and Armodafinil items, along with a limited selection of medication for treating erectile dysfunction.
Based on my personal encounter, the package that was sent to me never reached its destination due to being held up by customs. No attempts were made to resend it.
8. Modadove
Modadove may have higher pricing compared to others, but for individuals who are willing to pay a little more for the assurance of genuine products, it could be a worthwhile choice.
It serves as a luxurious alternative for those who appreciate premium products and are willing to pay. Consider them as the premium option for purchasers who prioritize quality over cost.
9. Kuikdose
Kuikdose maintains a low-profile yet dependable reputation. They refrain from extensive advertising, and instead, have garnered favorable online reviews for their reliability.
They resemble the unassuming participant who demonstrates their value through dependable contributions.
10. BuyEtizolam
This particular platform places its emphasis on addressing anxiety and sleep-related concerns like Narcolepsy, whilst also providing options for Modafinil and Armodafinil.
Renowned for their exceptional service and product excellence, it is worth noting that their prices may be comparatively higher than most vendors. It is worth taking into consideration if you are already buying Etizolam from them.
11. ModaPrime
It is important not to be overly swayed by their seemingly affordable pricing, as there is an additional shipping charge of $35 USD.
Their website is simple and uncomplicated, providing a limited selection of Modafinil products without any extravagant features.
12. ModafnilUSA
Being the sister site to ModafinilXL, ModafinilUSA prioritizes swift delivery within the United States.
However, the allure of prompt shipping is somewhat diminished by their costly pricing strategy.
On the other hand, I am encountering enthusiastic reviews about them all over the place.
13. ModafinilUK
For fast delivery within the UK, ModafinilUK is the preferred choice, surpassing competitors such as ModafinilXL in terms of speed and timely deliveries.
Although their prices may lean towards the higher end, their true worth lies in the promptness and dependability of their service.
Ideal for individuals seeking expedited and reliable modafinil availability without any hassle.
14. DaffyDog
DaffyDog presents competitive pricing and appears particularly appealing for individuals seeking to purchase Modafinil in the UK.
Despite being a relatively new player in the market, they demonstrate prompt responsiveness to inquiries, ensuring swift and dependable shipping services.
If you desire consistent and reliable service in the UK, this is an excellent option to consider.
15. Quickfinil
Their primary focus is on efficiency and speed, hence the name. Their pricing is reasonable, establishing them as a reliable option for obtaining Modafinil expeditiously in the UK.
Ideal for individuals who require their order urgently and value prompt assistance from customer support.
16. Skinorac (Bonus)
Although not specifically classified as a Modafinil vendor, this online pharmacy nevertheless accommodates a diverse assortment of products. If you find yourself in need of potent skincare medication, you will know exactly where to turn.

Guidance for Individuals New to Modafinil

The legal status of Modafinil

Typically, the possession of Modafinil is not a cause for concern, unless an excessive quantity such as 10,000 pills is discovered, which may raise suspicions.
However, unless you are involved in the unauthorized sale of Modafinil, I am not aware of any legislation, in any country, that could lead to your arrest for simply possessing a small quantity of Modafinil pills.

Potential Adverse Reactions

While the chances are highly unlikely, individuals afflicted with an uncommon skin condition might possibly encounter the emergence of a rash resembling minuscule protrusions throughout their entire body.
In situations like this, where the condition can be greatly severe and distressing, it is crucial to promptly seek medical help.
Throughout the documented usage of Modafinil, a mere six individuals have encountered this particular skin condition, suggesting that it is not a significant cause for alarm.
Commonly encountered side effects encompass migraines, disruptions in sleep patterns, increased levels of anxiety, and possibly sensations of queasiness and gastrointestinal unease.
Apart from disruptions to my sleep patterns, I have personally not encountered any of the aforementioned symptoms.
Nevertheless, there have been instances when a mild headache ensued as a result of sleep deprivation.
Based on my personal observations, I have come to realize that I only experience headaches when I go without sleep for prolonged periods lasting up to four days.

Conclusion

In my view, the most arduous aspect of using this cognitive enhancer is the struggle to maintain a proper and consistent sleep schedule.
In order to minimize the extended duration of action of Modafinil or Armodafinil, which can extend beyond 8 - 12 hours, I make an effort to take them as early in the morning as possible.
By following this approach, I am able to maximize the advantages of Modafinil throughout the daytime, while ensuring restful and consistent sleep at night.
That concludes this post. I hope it was helpful to someone.
Please inform me if you are aware of any additional Modafinil suppliers that you believe should be included on the list or have been overlooked.
Let's build a great community and space together!
[Last revised on October 5th, 2024]

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