Hi All,
This is a very long story, so thanks in advance for reading and letting me vent about the last week.
I had my baby boy on 5/7 at 38+2 via c section for breech presentation after being diagnosed with cholestasis. I ended up developing postpartum preeclampsia and required magnesium drip x 24 hours which prolonged my hospital stay to 6 days.
My SIL is a labor and delivery nurse at the hospital I was at. The night before the section, she asked if she could be present in the OR. She is making us a baby book and wanted to take pictures. She also said she could offer support during the spinal until my husband was allowed in. She offered to be “stork” which is where the nurse takes the babies weight, VS, etc. I said no to everything except that it would be okay for her to present for pictures only. Well, she ended up doing everything. She held him first, she did the weight, VS, and was taking pictures with him in the OR. Meanwhile, I was not tolerating things well and didn’t get to hold my baby until I got to the PACU. I realize this is common for a c section, but it gives me a weird feeling that she was the first one to hold him.
My SIL then went on to be my RN overnight 3 times during my stay. She fought with other nurses to be able to do that. Multiple nurses said to me I could say no, but I know that would cause drama with her and probably my MIL. She took my son overnight while my husband and I slept. She continued to take pictures with him and of him and held him all night long except when she was tending to another patient. She pushed me to give him formula when my preference was to do donor milk until my milk came in. Then, she came into work while not on shift and slept in an empty patient room and took him all night and again was taking more pictures with him and him. I know this because there is a shared album. There is one picture of her laying in bed with him almost looking like his mother about to breastfeed….
I was so out of because of the stress of developing preeclampsia after having no issues during my pregnancy and of course because of the magnesium drip. If you’ve ever had to do that, then you know what I’m talking about. I feel like I wasn’t in a good place to consent to my SILs heavy involvement in my medical care. My husband is not very confrontational and I believe he was so desperate for sleep after needing to be primary care taker since I could barely pick my son up.
Now that I am home, I am reflecting on the last week and becoming uncomfortable. My SIL keeps offering to sleep at our house and my MIL says “you should take her up on the offer”. My SIL and MIL come over and they stay for 8 hours and hold him the entire time. They completely take over the care of my son and continue to push me to go lay down or tell my husband and I to go out to eat. They want to FaceTime and my SIL is constantly asking for updates about how baby is doing and how is doctors appointments are. The night we got home from the hospital, SIL offered to stay over and said my son “needed her”. This was really upsetting for me and insulting. This morning, she texted my husband and asked to sleep over so she can hang out with baby….
I am not very confrontational, but I am at the point of telling her off. My husband respectfully said she can visit, but no sleepovers. My MIL is constantly offering to come over and watch him. Then she stays for 8 hours and just holds him the entire time. We took her up on the offer yesterday while I went to the OB and she gave him formula instead of my pumped breast milk after we showed her how to use the warmer…
I just feel so uncomfortable and not respected. Are my feelings valid or are my hormones making me crazy?? A lot of times my SIL is really great and helpful, but I feel like it’s getting weird.
Thanks for reading.

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The people involved (names are changed):
Jake – me
Tom – my flatmate
Kath – Tom’s girlfriend
Emily – Kath’s flatmate
TLDR (but context is very important for how the situation develops):
· Me and Emily get with each other at a party.
· It turns out Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me. Since Emily went and did it anyway, Kath falls out with her.
· Kath ends her friendship with Emily. Me and Emily continue seeing each other.
· When I plan to go to see Emily at their apartment, Tom tells me that Kath is in a really dark place mentally, and the thought of me and Emily being there together while Kath’s there is triggering her anxiety, so he asks me not to go over.
· Me and Emily follow these instructions for months, all whilst Tom and Kath continue coming and going to either of our apartments as they please.
· Emily eventually gets in touch with Kath to try and understand exactly why me coming over is an issue, since Kath has no problem coming to my place. Kath has a meltdown due to this and it makes her suicidal.
· Tom falls out with me because I knew about the messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
(Skip to 'Late April' if you want to go straight to the crux of this post, but I do think it's quite an entertaining read).
Background Context
Me and Tom (both mid-twenties) have lived together in our apartment since I moved to the city last year. I’ve known him for several years and would put him in my inner circle of closest friends, so living with him was all just good chill vibes as expected - or at least it was for the first six months.
I met Tom’s girlfriend of several months, Kath, for the first time pretty soon after moving in. Although she was kind of shy, I thought she seemed nice enough. I noticed that Kath would seem to lean on Tom a fair amount when it came to support for her mental health (she had been diagnosed with anxiety), which of course is normal as her boyfriend. On one occasion, she had a particularly bad anxious episode during a group hangout, with Tom consoling her about it afterwards. Following this, Tom seemed exhausted, saying to me “I’m not a professional, I’m not equipped to deal with all this mental health stuff. She needs help from someone who can adequately help her deal with these thoughts. When she blows things out of proportion and she stresses out to me about her anxiety, it just ends up making my own anxiety worse”. He also said that he had even offered to pay for therapy for Kath, but she didn’t want to accept it.
I just felt bad for Tom, especially since I had some understanding of what he was going through. I had previously had a girlfriend who had anxiety/depression/BPD and put all her mental health issues on me. That girlfriend was also very manipulative and would mention suicidal thoughts any time she started feeling like she was losing control over me (just to be clear, there was no indication that Kath was acting in a manipulative way towards Tom at that point). In my experience, when you end up in a situation where you’re essentially acting as someone’s full-time personal mental health counsellor, it hardly ever ends well.
At some point in January, I met Kath’s “bestie” flatmate, Emily. I remember thinking she was cute, seemed nice and easy to talk to. We all hung out as a group a few times that month and I thought there may have been a little bit of a vibe between me and Emily.
So as you do, I slid into Emily’s DMs and basically let her know I was interested. I messaged her a week or two before our party that her and Kath were coming to, but her response was lukewarm so I just thought she probably wasn’t interested.
For context, I had recently broken up with my girlfriend in January, who had just got back from travelling for the last 6 months. Things in that relationship weren’t great before she even went travelling, and during the months she was away I had come to terms with the fact that it was best to end it. I waited until she was back to say it in person, as I didn’t want to drop that on her while she was travelling and ruin that once in a lifetime experience. However, deep down I knew I had wanted talk to other girls and explore new connections for the last few months, but obviously I didn’t want talk to anyone until it was cleanly over. Me messaging Emily was only a few days after breaking up with her, which I guess isn’t great, but in my head I had been ready to move on for a while, I saw no point in putting an arbitrary time limit on myself. I made sure to explain this context when I messaged Emily so that she was aware of my recent circumstances.
The Party (End of January)
So me and Emily end up getting with each other at the party. Initially, when I brought up me messaging her, she said “I think you’re cute, but I think it’s best we just be friends for the next couple months, since you just recently got out of a relationship, and we can see what happens afterwards”. But as the night went on, I guess Emily changed her mind, because as we kept talking it got increasingly flirty and we ended up getting together. Perfect end to the night, right? Not exactly.
At one point when Emily goes to the bathroom, she comes back into my bedroom saying “Kath is furious at me”. I ask why, and she says that Kath had basically forbidden her from getting with me.
Back when I first messaged Emily, she had of course shown Kath the messages straight away. It turns out Kath for some reason had a really intense reaction to this and was like “I can’t believe he has the audacity to hit on my best friend right after breaking up with his girlfriend! It’s so disrespectful using you as a rebound, it’s disrespectful to his ex and it’s disrespectful to me for hitting on my best friend like this! He was the only one of Tom’s friends that I actually liked but he’s ruined that too now!”.
Apparently, Kath had been used as a rebound before and this was triggering for her, so she didn’t want her best friend to be used as a rebound. She said “you can’t get with him, Emily, that’s my boundary.” Emily was a bit taken aback by the intensity of this reaction and was just a bit like “umm okay…?”. She tried a few times before the party to understand a bit more about why Kath had such a problem with it but didn’t get much further explanation than that.
Now, I agree that Emily was in the wrong for saying to Kath that she wouldn’t get with me and then went and did it anyway, and Emily also acknowledges this. Emily should have said from the start she wasn’t okay with this weird “boundary” Kath had set. It was a bit cowardly. Although given how intensely Kath overreacts to things, I can understand why Emily initially just agreed to whatever she was saying to calm her down. I can also understand how when you’re at a party having fun, drinking and realise that you do actually have a good vibe with the person, in the moment you might change your mind and be like “actually fuck that, who the fuck is she to tell me who I can and can’t get with?”.
Kath saw this as Emily having no respect for their friendship, by choosing some guy she’d just met over her. From Emily’s perspective she was choosing herself, choosing not to follow these nonsensical rules that had been imposed on her, and she was just tired of Kath overreacting to everything and trying to control her.
In my opinion, being this controlling for no good reason is pretty disrespectful in itself. Given that Kath’s reason for telling Emily not to get with me was because she didn’t want her to be used as a rebound…well that’s Emily’s risk to take, isn’t it? I can see how from Emily’s perspective, she knew Kath might not be happy about it, but it’s also not some deep betrayal, since based on the reason Kath gave, the consequence would only be on Emily herself. Emily had the exact same knowledge about my recent relationship status as Kath did, so why did Kath think she can tell her what to do?
As we get to further into this post and the real reason why Kath set this “boundary” is revealed, you will see why I actually think any argument Kath has against Emily for getting with me at the party is automatically void, but we will learn these details as they come.
Start of February
After the events of the party, Kath didn’t want to talk to Emily the next day when she tried to initiate communication via message (Kath tends to avoid in-person confrontation). Fair enough, Emily gave her space. Me and Emily spend the next day together just talking and getting to know each other more, and it’s clear that we vibe together and both feel very comfortable with each other, which is pretty rare for both of us.
I don’t see Tom for the first few days after the party, as he had been staying at Kath’s. When I do, I’m a bit surprised that he didn’t think much of Kath’s reaction at the party. He says “yeah I probably should have warned you about this beforehand”. We both agree that Emily was in the wrong for going back on what she said, but also that Kath shouldn’t have tried to control her like that. He did say “sorry I know this put you in an awkward position”.
A few days after the party, Emily again tries to get in touch with Kath via message.
Emily’s message essentially apologised for her actions, saying she was in the wrong for going back on what she said, and that she should have said from the start that she wasn’t happy with this “boundary”. She also said that Kath shouldn’t have tried to dictate her life and tell her what to do, especially when it’s something that’s none of her business, and that she is going to continue seeing me, taking the risk of being a “rebound”.
Kath’s response essentially said the whole incident at the party was only a small part of why she exploded so intensely, this was just the last in a long line of things Emily had done in the past which she had not forgiven her for. This was just the last straw for Kath because “it hit so close to home, so close to the love of my life”. She wanted things to be civil between them until the end of their tenancy, but this was essentially the end of their friendship.
Okay good, Kath flipping out so badly now finally made a bit more sense to me. Obviously, I wanted to know what Emily had done that was so bad to cause this, as any indicators of bad character would inform whether I choose to keep talking to her.
Emily went through these, explaining that these were incidents from their past that they had discussed at the time, dealt with and moved on from. I have cut these out for the word limit as they don’t add much to this post, but it was the most minor, nonsensical things (I can explain in the comments if anyone wants details).
In any case, I wasn’t particularly interested in what mistakes Emily might have made months or years ago, I was more interested in what her character was like now and going forward.
Early/Mid February
So here’s where the main situation we’re in now starts. For context, Kath and Emily’s apartment is in the city center, close to where both mine and Tom’s offices are, so it would make sense to go over in the evening and go into work from theirs the next morning, as Tom has been doing once or twice a week for the last few months.
It's worth noting that ever since the party right up to the present moment, Emily and Kath have not been interacting at all, avoiding each other in their apartment, only messaging for things like bill payments.
The first time I planned to go stay round Emily’s place was early/mid-February. When I mention this to Tom, he tells me that Kath has been having a really bad time mentally since the party, and the thought of me and Emily being there together triggers her anxiety. He asks me not to go over to their apartment for the next couple of weeks or so while she’s in this particularly bad phase. I don’t really understand what me going over and seeing Emily has to do with Kath’s anxiety (and Tom says he doesn't really understand it either himself), but I say okay fine it’s not that big of deal, I won’t go over for the time being.
Now, a valid question for myself is why I decided to keep seeing Emily, despite knowing that Kath had fallen out with her and therefore knowing it could potentially cause fiction between me and Tom. I don’t think I did anything wrong for several reasons:
· I suppose there’s the general visceral reaction against being told what to do. Like mind your own business, it’s not my fault Kath decided to get involved in my business. Why should she get what she wants when she’s the one being unreasonable? Why should we deny ourselves the opportunity of getting to know someone we seem to vibe with just because Tom’s girlfriend doesn’t like it?
· Before I even knew there was any issue at all, it was already too late; I had already gotten with Emily, they had already fallen out, and Kath already thought I was a dickhead. So what good would it do now to not see each other? Kath already didn’t like me (and she had also previously told me that once she doesn’t like someone, there’s no going back, they’re finished in her mind).
· In the initial first few days after the party, both me and Tom were kind of expecting that Kath’s reaction would blow over in a few days after she had cooled down. How could I have predicted that her reaction would instead continue getting increasingly intense as the situation went on?
· Frankly, I was annoyed at Tom at this point. He knew how Kath had reacted to me messaging Emily, so why did he just bend over and enable his girlfriends’ controlling, unreasonable behavior without question? If it was my girlfriend acting like this generally, I’d be like “why are you getting involved in their business, just let them do what they want?”, and especially so if it was directly affecting one of my close friends.
· Fundamentally, there’s no inherent reason why there had to be any issue at all? Okay Kath has ended her friendship with Emily and might not like that we’re seeing each other, but there’s no need for there to be any continued drama. Obviously we won’t all be hanging out as a four having fun like I had initially hoped, but that doesn’t mean we can’t just exist as adults and be civil? The only reason this continues to be an issue in the first place is because Kath is making it an issue for everyone else involved.
· Finally, I actually like Emily – from the first few days it was clear it wasn’t just going to be a FWB situation. If it felt like more of a superficial FWB situation, then yeah I probably would have just thought it’s not worth the drama, even though I thought Kath was the one in the wrong.
Late February
Over the month of February, me and Emily keep hanging out and getting closer. Whilst I was keeping a very close eye on her for any sign of character flaws (it was still possible that Kath could be in the right, even though her side of it didn’t make much sense to me), the more I got to know her, the more it seemed my initial judgment of her was accurate. I saw how she acted with her other friends, they all seemed to really value and appreciate her. I saw her helping out her friend in need of a fairly large amount of money without a second thought, I saw her going to accompany her friend for a medical scan they had, and generally she was really nice and thoughtful with me. Not exactly the behavior of an inconsiderate person.
Sometime in late February, Emily messages me completely baffled. She couldn’t believe that Kath had invited over a girl from their social circle, Dianne. The reason why this is a bit scandalous is because Kath is always talking shit about Dianne behind her back. And it’s not just “she can be a bit annoying sometimes”, it’s an explicit sentiment of how much she dislikes her, how much of a bad person she is and how much she wants her removed from her life. And she does this frequently, I barely speak to Kath and even I’ve heard her rant about how much she doesn’t like Dianne. So, she’s constantly saying this kind of stuff behind her back, and here she is now inviting her round for tea acting all friendly. I just found that so two-faced and this inevitably shaped my perception of Kath being deceptive.
Not long after I heard about this, Kath was round our place over the weekend. Me, Tom and Kath were heading off to our friend’s housewarming party later that day, with me driving us. At one point when the three of us are all in the kitchen, Kath speaks to me properly for the first time since the party, basically to clear the air. She says she doesn’t want there to be any bad blood between us and that her problem wasn’t with me, it was with Emily. I just say that I was cool with her, I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with me or when coming over to our apartment, and that the situation between her and Emily was between them and not my business.
I wasn’t entirely convinced with her “clearing the air”, given that I had seen she apparently has no issue with being two-faced, but at the time I thought it was best to stay cool with her for the sake of me and Tom’s friendship and also I didn’t particularly fancy spending the rest of the day and a long car ride with awkward vibes.
End of February
At the end of February, Tom asks me how things are going with Emily and basically advises caution with her. He says that from what he’s seen she’s basically not a good person and she’s generally inconsiderate. I tell him I find that surprising from what I’ve seen of Emily, but I know it’s possible she could have just been putting on a front for the last month. I openly accept this, saying “I want to hear what you have to say, obviously you’re my friend and I respect your opinion”.
Essentially, he doesn’t bring up anything that I hadn’t already been told.
When I question Tom on why Kath thought she was a mind reader and assuming what my intentions were with Emily at the very start of this whole thing, Tom reveals he had since found out that the real reason Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me in the first place actually wasn’t really to do with me recently breaking up with my girlfriend/using Emily as a rebound (Tom said this was a minor part of the reason, more of an excuse to base it on). It was more that Kath already knew beforehand that she wanted to end her friendship with Emily and was essentially trying to prevent her still being part of her life (i.e. by getting close to her boyfriend’s friend/flatmate).
Now it all made sense why Kath tried to “ban” her from getting with me in the first place. I’m not sure if Tom thought telling me this would make me more sympathetic to Kath’s side of it, but if anything, this deceptive behavior was even more of a red flag to me. As far as everyone (except for Kath) was concerned, her and Emily were best friends. Kath had even said to Emily a couple of weeks before the party that “she was like a sister to her”.
Tom didn’t seem to have much issue with this, saying something along the lines of “yeah I know she shouldn’t have kept all this stuff bottled up, but she doesn’t like confrontation, it makes her really anxious”.
After learning this, I think any argument for Emily being in the wrong for disobeying Kath’s instructions at the party is automatically void: Imagine having the audacity to be like “yeah I know I tried to control you by framing it as me being a protective friend looking out for you, but actually it was really because I wanted to end my friendship with you anyway teehee 😊”. In my view that is just so manipulative. No wonder the reason given to Emily for not getting with me made no sense to her.
When I revealed this to Emily, she said that she had been suspecting that was the case anyway, but it still really hurt to hear it confirmed.
Form her perspective it was like: “So was Kath holding all these grudges all the times I was consoling her for whatever mental health issue she was having at any given time?” (I wonder if Tom was thinking what a bad person Emily was when it was him and Emily staying up till stupid o’clock trying to console Kath who was crying about job applications a few weeks before all this kicked off). There are many other examples of things she had done for Kath in both the recent and more distant past.
Kath also knew that Emily’s best friend had killed herself a few years prior, and after going through the loss of her best friend, Emily had always said she was super hesitant to call anyone her “best friend”. Kath knew about this and still let Emily believe they were best friends, whilst she clearly didn’t really mean it, which I think is quite cruel of her.
Despite what I had seen of Emily so far, I still took what Tom said into account, and continued to watch her carefully.
Mid March
Another couple of weeks pass and given that my last interaction with Kath was her clearing the air with me, I thought everything was now cool between us. I mention to Tom at the start of the week that I’m planning to stay at their apartment later that week and he says “okay cool”. However, later that same evening, he once again asks me not to go over to their apartment. Apparently when he told Kath that I was going over, she started having a panic attack at the thought of me going there.
At this point I’m really started to get frustrated at this situation and again I try to understand exactly what the problem is, because this entire time Kath and Tom have been coming and going to either apartment as they please, so Kath clearly doesn’t have a problem coming to my apartment while I’m there. Tom again says that he doesn’t fully understand it himself, and that Kath doesn’t want to feel this way either, but she’s in a really bad place at the moment and me being there with Emily is really triggering her anxiety.
This makes no sense to me or Emily, because we obviously wouldn’t do anything to make Kath uncomfortable, and from our perspective this is just enabling her dysfunctional way of dealing with this situation.
Even though I still don’t understand what the fuck me seeing Emily has got to do with Kath’s mental health, I’m obviously not going to barge my way into someone’s home when I’m not welcome. So once again, I do as I’m told and say I won’t go over. But I do tell Tom that this situation isn’t going to continue going on like this indefinitely, and to me it feels to me like I’m being walked all over, in the sense of “oh yeah no worries, you two carry on going to either apartment as you please, I’ll just sit here like a dickhead and follow my instructions, don’t worry about it 😊”. He does say sorry and that he knows it’s inconvenient for us, but it's an even bigger inconvenience for Kath.
It’s worth bearing in mind that at this point, I could have responded to this situation by saying that if I’m not welcome at her apartment, Kath is not welcome here (or equally Emily could say to Kath “you can’t bring Tom round”). Whilst yes, it’s a bit petty, I think this would be a completely justified response to prevent a situation where we are being walked all over. Because what would be the alternative? They just carry on doing as they please indefinitely whilst Emily is told she isn’t allowed to have equal use of her own apartment? Now obviously telling your friend that his girlfriend isn’t allowed to come over is really a last resort and would definitely put a big dent in our friendship, and generally I have no desire to control what anyone else does, so of course I didn’t respond in this way.
Despite my frustration at this entire situation, I do feel bad for Tom because I can see how uncomfortable he seems during these conversations with me, he obviously doesn’t want to give me these unreasonable instructions. I can only assume he’s just trying to do whatever he can to keep his girlfriend afloat and prevent her next meltdown. I’ve been there myself dealing with a girlfriend with mental health issues, so I don’t want to actively make things worse for my friend either. However, I’m also worried that it’s likely to get worse for him the more he feeds into it and gets sucked into it.
At this point, the cynical side of me couldn’t help but wonder if Kath was being a bit manipulative and leaning into all the mental health stuff to maintain control of the situation.
· She seemingly is unable to give a reason for exactly why me and Emily being in her apartment makes her so uncomfortable. To me, this was completely indistinguishable from her just hating the fact that we’re together.
· All this reminds me of exactly the same kind of manipulative behavior I saw with that ex-girlfriend.
· She’s shown she has no problem with being intentionally deceptive – maybe if the entire basis of this situation hadn’t started off with Kath being manipulative she would have a bit more credibility in my eyes.
I know this kind of behavior is often not even intentional, and that it can be subconscious where the person doesn’t even realise they’re being manipulative.
(Still Mid March)
Now we get to the part that pisses me off the most in this whole situation. Only a few days after that conversation with Tom, for some reason Kath comes to stay in our apartment for the weekend while Tom was away at a house party. As in, it’s just me and Kath in my apartment.
Personally, I couldn’t imagine having the nerve to say to someone they aren’t welcome in my home because their presence triggers me, and then only a mere few days later actively choosing to go stay the weekend at their place while it’s just us two in the apartment. Like either my presence triggers you or it doesn’t?
Now to be fair, Tom had asked me a week or two beforehand if Kath could come to our apartment to hang out with someone from our friend group while he was away, and I said that was cool. Anyway, those plans fell through, but Kath still came over by herself.
But the main thing that pissed me off about this is that Tom, after knowing that I was already feeling like I was being taken for a mug in this situation, apparently didn’t even think it was worth bothering to check with me if it was still cool with me that Kath came round, given our conversation a few days prior.
If he’d at least checked in like, “I know it’s a bit weird that she’s coming to stay round by herself after having just said that your presence triggers her anxiety”, I still would’ve said okay, because I have no desire to control what anyone does. But it was just the fact he didn’t seem to care, saying “btw Kath is gonna stay here tonight” moments before leaving to his party.
To me it felt like he had spent the last month or so basically giving me instructions to make sure everyone caters to his girlfriend’s feelings, and yet didn’t give the slightest consideration to how this would make me feel. Part of me was thinking does he even see me as a friend or just as an inconvenience to his relationship at this point?
I spoke to Tom in the week following this, expressing how I had felt about Kath staying round. He did apologise and acknowledged he could’ve checked in with me, but he didn’t really seem to understand why her coming over like that was such a kick in the teeth for me. He said Kath doesn’t have a problem with me, it’s only a very specific situation that triggers her (i.e. me and Emily being in her apartment together).
Again I try to understand exactly why it’s a problem. Ever since the party, Emily’s presence in their apartment has consisted of her quietly staying in her room, quickly cooking her food and going straight back to her room. She doesn’t spend 2 hours in the kitchen making food like Kath and Tom sometimes do when he’s there.
Tom again says he doesn’t fully understand it himself. From what he understands, it’s triggering because her home is her safe space and if we’re both there it’s like there’s two hostile presences in that safe space. He reiterated that she is in a very dark place at the moment, and that she’s been having frequent panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.
Tom then says that Kath would be prepared to leave the apartment if me and Emily wanted to meet there, and Kath would basically get out of the way and come to me and Tom’s apartment instead. This did give me a bit more confidence that Kath wasn’t just purposefully making things difficult.
If Kath genuinely meant this, then of course that’s really appreciated, but I’m obviously not going to make her leave her own home and come all the way to ours to then have a 2 hour commute to her work. It’s so over the top and needless. I think that this clearly isn’t a functional solution going forward. What if one day when we want to meet up, Kath has had a long day at work and doesn’t feel like leaving her apartment (obviously, fair enough!), what if she’s got plans with friends in her apartment that evening? In any case, it’s still a situation where rules are being imposed on us, I can never just spontaneously decide to go see Emily one day after work or something. We still can’t come and go freely in the same way they have been doing for the past two months. It would be much better to understand why exactly it’s such a problem and see how we’re going to find a long-term solution, instead of Kath just running away from it.
The cynical side of me was wondering if Kath was just saying this knowing that neither me or Emily are realistically going to make her leave her own home, and if we do agree to it, then she can say “oh look how inconsiderate they are, making me leave my own home just so that they can be in the apartment”, ensuring that she keeps Tom firmly on her side.
Logically, I would’ve thought as time goes on, Kath would eventually get used to the situation and just accept it. Conversely, is it not quite understandable that the longer we have rules imposed on us, the more frustrated we become?
Once again say that I won’t go over and tell him that I won’t press this issue for the time being.
Late April
So now we get to the latest development in the situation, which is the crux of this post.
For the next month or so after that conversation with Tom, me and Emily have just been following our instructions and not pressed anything, whilst they continue coming and going as they please. One weekend we’re talking about the whole ‘Kath situation’ and we say “okay we’ve left it for a while now, it’s probably time to see how we’re going to move forward with this”.
In that next week, Emily sends Kath the following message:
“Hey, I appreciate this message might be uncomfortable but we need to discuss the fact that Jake can’t come here while you’re at home because I know that him and Tom have spoken about this but we’ve never addressed it with each other and I think it’s unfair that they’ve been largely absorbing this conflict this whole time. Can you please tell me what the exact problem would be and how we could make it work? At the end of the day we both pay equal rent here and I should be allowed to bring someone over, especially considering that Tom comes here whenever you want. We’re nothing more than just 2 housemates now and if you were living with a stranger from Spareroom such restrictions couldn’t have existed. I think I’ve let it slide and should have addressed it earlier, but it’s time we come up with a fair solution and I’d like to know if there’s anything reasonable we can do. I don’t want to go into other conversations about our fallout cause that’s done and dusted now, I want to strictly address this issue. Would you like some notice before he comes? I can’t always guarantee how far in advance I can let you know but I will do my best to give you enough time.”
Kath’s response:
“hey, I do not really appreciate this conversation being brought up 2 days before my birthday and I wish we can settle it today and not drag it on. And I do not appreciate you using Tom as a weapon to guilt trip me either. Please let me know if he is coming over tonight so that I can go somewhere else. As u probably already know I am in a really bad place at the moment and being in the apartment with both of you makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. I’m already struggling to be there and I have been discussing with the agency about terminating the contract early, the terms have only been made clear to me today so I was going to message you about it. By paying a fee of £660 (£330 each) we can terminate the contract 12^th of June and I wish u will consider this. I will be gone from the apartment for 2 weeks. I would really appreciate it if you do not bring him over in the next few days as I said it will be my birthday and I will be gone for 2 weeks after if you decide to do so after this, please let me know at least 2 days in advance so that I can leave (pack clothes and everything), but do not take advantage of this as it is extremely difficult for me to commute to work – it takes me 2 hours on the bus”
Emily’s response to this:
“I don’t appreciate you using your birthday as a “weapon” to paint me as an inconsiderate person once again as you’re saying you were going to message me anyway about terminating the contract. You always have Tom round without any notice, without ever considering if it was ever uncomfortable for me given what’s happened - but now you expect me to organise our schedule around you? We can’t ever do something spontaneous or simply make plans the day before? Jake won’t be coming tonight or in the next few days until you’re away. I was hoping we could talk about why exactly this makes you uncomfortable and unsafe as it’s quite clear we wouldn’t interact with you or do anything to purposely upset/annoy you. You also had no problem being in his apartment with him without Tom there, so clearly his presence must not be that big of a problem. I am going to get back to you about terminating the contract as I have to figure out where I would go, but I’d love nothing more than to leave this apartment as early as possible too.”
There was no response after Emily’s second message.
Tom comes back to our apartment the next day and ignores me all day until the evening when he asks “Did you know that Emily was going to send those messages?”.
I say “Yes, obviously?”. He responds with “Right, okay” and starts walking back towards his room.
I ask him what was wrong with the messages, and he comes back and says “what the fuck is Emily doing sending messages like that to my suicidal girlfriend?”. He essentially thought the tone of the messages, the proximity to Kath’s birthday and the fact that we’re once again bringing up this issue of me coming round was out of order. He also said that Emily’s 2^nd message was implying that she was just going to bring me round without any notice anyway (looking at the message, no it wasn’t? It was just highlighting the unfairness of Kath expecting us to organise our schedule around her? None of the messages say that I’m going to come over, they are essentially just trying to understand exactly why it makes Kath uncomfortable).
We also did note that it was Kath’s birthday on the Friday (messages were sent on Tuesday). Maybe that wasn’t ideal, but we thought what real difference does it make? This is nothing new, it’s the same situation that’s been ongoing for the last 3 months anyway (and personally, I thought that up until the moment Kath says “okay sorry, I shouldn’t have imposed rules on you” then she shouldn’t expect that this won’t be brought up to her?).
I was a bit shocked at how angry he was and explained that we’re just trying to understand exactly what her issue is, because it still doesn’t make any sense to us. I bring up the general point about Kath imposing rules on people and expects everyone to cater to her feelings, whilst zero consideration has been given to how Emily has felt over the last 3 months, when not only does it make her uncomfortable as well that there are two “hostile presences” in her home, but especially given that those hostile presences have told her she’s not allowed to have equal use of her apartment she also pays rent for.
Tom responds with “but it’s not making Emily feel suicidal is it? Kath was having convulsions on the fucking bed last night after those messages. Why do you keep focusing on this tiny issue of coming to the apartment when my girlfriend is literally suicidal? She’s already said she’d make arrangements to leave the apartment for when you want to come over, and yet you keep pressing the issue and triggering her further”.
In that moment I was a bit taken aback and didn’t have much of a response. I kind of just sat and processed that for a few minutes, thinking “fuck, have I actually been in the wrong this whole time?”. Tom looked exhausted and stressed out, he must have been dealing with Kath’s meltdown the whole of the night before.
I say to Tom “tell Kath not to worry about me coming over while she’s there, I’m not going to, I’ll just leave it for good and won’t press this issue anymore”. Tom doesn’t give much of a response, but I think he says “I appreciate it”. He leaves for his two-week holiday shortly after.
I felt really bad that evening, thinking I had caused Tom to have to deal with whatever horrible meltdown because of me pressing this issue. Maybe I had been overly cynical of Kath, and she genuinely was just trying her best and not meaning to be manipulative.
When Tom got back from his holiday, he basically confirmed our friendship is over because I had known about those messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
I’ve thought about the situation a lot since he left for his holiday:
· Looking back at the messages Emily sent, I think the tone is completely fine? Every single person I’ve shown the messages to has said they are actually quite kind and empathetic, and way nicer than they need to be given Kath’s behavior over the last 3 months.
· Tom’s reaction was essentially “how dare Emily have the audacity to ask for a reason why she hasn’t been allowed to have equal use of her own apartment for the last 3 months!”
· It’s true that Tom had mentioned that Kath had been having some suicidal thoughts a month prior, but I didn’t know that this would directly impact that, especially since I thought the message was quite nice and sensitive. Just the weekend before this Tom and Kath were out clubbing, having fun and they were going on holiday later that week. So obviously I didn’t realise she was still feeling so bad. How could anyone expect that simply asking the question of “why does this make you so uncomfortable” would result in this reaction.
· As soon as I did realise how intensely Kath had reacted, and what Tom had had to deal with as a result, I backed off straight away, saying that she doesn’t have to worry, I’m not going to press it anymore.
· Realistically, if this is how Kath reacts to being asked for basic fairness, then I think really she needs to be in a mental health crisis center or hospital, not just carrying on with everyday life as if everything is fine, and certainly not in a situation where she’s imposing rules on people.
· At the end of the day, Kath’s mental health is not my responsibility, nor is it Tom’s responsibility. I think it’s unfair of Kath to have made it his problem to such a large degree.
Logically, I don’t think I’m in the wrong, and yet Tom’s reaction to this makes me feel like I’m going crazy. That’s why I wrote out everything’s that’s happened from start to finish to “audit” myself and evaluate each of my actions throughout the entire situation.
I’ve looked back and don’t think I’m in the wrong for anything I’ve done. The only explanation I can think of is that Tom has been so deep in all of Kath’s mental health stuff 24/7 that he’s just not thinking clearly about this situation.

A couple months ago I posted saying I just finished my first ever script while here it is ready to present. FIRST THING TO NOTE, is this is an adaptation of Grey Space, by noaacat. https://archiveofourown.org/works/12424344/chapters/28275021, so the story credit can't go to me too much. I'd say at most 20% of the story is my contribution. And if you want I would recommend reading the original work because it is quite amazing.
Here is the logline: When a young, mistreated orphan starts secondary school, he tries his best to go by unnoticed, but his plan is foiled by a girl with a similar past to him, who decides that they should be friends.
For feedback, I know a first draft is supposed to be long, but I feel that 147 pages is excessive. So anything on what could be cut, improving pacing, or anything of that sort is appreciated. Of course any small mistakes and editing/formatting errors are of course welcome. And any notes on the plot or anything of that nature is appreciated because there could be many things wrong with it and I have gone back and forth on the endings many times.
I thank anyone who decides to read or give feedback on the script because I know we are all incredibly busy, so really I am thankful for all feedback or support I might get.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KZKEqCvQ-TQrbE9gIXa8mA5gd-4adQmT/view?usp=drive_link

Like the title says, my (50f) significant other (44m) is currently living out if his car or with friends. We've been together 6 months and in the beginning, I had no idea about his living situation. He had recently left a live-in handyman type of position at a large rural compound to be closer to this side of the island where his sister lives. He stayed with her some, friends some, while I assumed he was looking for a place. His work is freelance; he's a skilled boat builder and repairman but takes minimal work. He could easily make a steady income with it if he'd manage his time well but has trouble getting along with authority and committing to schedules. The longer I'm with him, I suspect definitely suspect neurodivergence or some type of mental issue. But, he's fun, we get along, he's attractive and generally compatible with me. Problem is, I don't see how he's going to resolve his living situation. As we've gotten closer, he does sleepovers at my house sometimes. He's a stellar guest, cooks, cleans, buys things for the home, everything. BUT, the closer we get, the more he pressures me to let him stay like every night. If I don't offer, he gets verbally abusive calling me selfish and other worse names. I am a mom of 3 kids ages 22, 18, and 11 and they all live with me (oldest moving out to law school this summer). I just can't "move a guy in" like that, though they can tolerate him at times....and that's exactly what it feels like: tolerance. It's a small community and they're hip to the fact that he's currently without a home. AITAH for expecting him to figure out his own place to stay on the days he's not with me? I need my time and space. I told him no matter who he was or how much money a guy has, I'm in no way ready to live with someone full time. He says I'm heartless. But back when he was getting to know me, he hid all his frustration and acted just fine. Now I walk on eggshells to even call him during the day because it's usually going to turn into a drama/argument/guilt trip about where he's sleeping that night.

I met my now ex-boyfriend in 2021 when I was in my 6th semester of undergrad studies and was doing classes online as the second wave of Covid was in peak at the time. I was finally dating a guy after being completely single for 4 whole years. The guy was almost 2 years older than me and was an MBA student at my college. He did his undergrad from the same college so I knew he existed beforehand. Our relationship pretty much started on Instagram and we would spend almost the entire day and night on voice and video calls with one another.
The relationship was going on good in my mind as we began going on dates as soon as the lockdown restrictions eased. I really liked the guy and felt the feeling was mutual, atleast for some time. Fast forward to a couple of months later, the guy was now giving me barely any time. To his defense, he was a busy man who had college from 6:30am to 8:15am and a bank job from 9 to 6. But I was an understanding girlfriend as well, as I was okay with him not replying to me throughout the day and also okay with acting like strangers when we came face to face in college because he didn't want people to know about us. The only demand I had was for him to talk to me for at least half an hour before bed and to meet me for a few hours on the weekend, which was apparently too much to ask for as well. I took this behaviour for quite a few months until that one melting point when he cancelled the plans with me one weekend with an excuse and I found out he was actually out with two of his friends from his bachelor studies among whom, one was the girl he had a solid crush on back in the day. That was the day I just lost my cool and broke off with him.
Now that the backstory is done, here's the points that this post is actually about. Though I swore to never see his face again after that, it was the very next day when I realised I had gotten addicted to my feelings for him and it physically hurt me to not text him or hear his voice. That's when I swallowed my self-respect and went to him begging for one last meet for closure and he agreed. I also gave him an option to continue the relationship without him having to put any extra effort than what he had been putting until the day of the break up. He denied. Then, me being the desperate loser I was, I offered him to have a casual situationship kinda thing until one of us found somebody else. For months, we were in touch and even went on multiple dates (not as romantic as it used to be). In between, I would sometimes see him with the same girl he had a crush on before dating me and even heard rumors of them dating. But everytime I asked him about it, he denied and went on with seeing me. We had been slowly drifting apart with every meet as I was starting to get cold vibes from him. One day, situations led us to spend a night together. Even at that evening, I asked him if he was actually in a relationship with her because I didn't want to be that ex a boyfriend cheats on his girlfriend with, and he denied YET AGAIN. It was that night and the morning that followed when I had my melting point regarding this situationship because I was getting pure creep vibes from him and felt more lonely around him than I had ever felt alone in my life. So, that was the last day I saw him. I also blocked him everywhere.
Fast forward to a very few months later, the girl I suspected he was dating, moved to Australia and I found out that they got MARRIED in court before she left. As we had mutual friends from the college we both went to, I found out they had been "in love" for months even when he was seeing me and swearing he had no girlfriend. That revelation was the toughest pill I ever had to swallow and I felt equally an asshole as him for believing him. I have never confronted him on this or informed the girl about the matter because I initially found her to be a bitch too as she never accepted my follow request and also, somewhere I was still mad he played me and MARRIED her knowing damn well she never cared about him at all before he started dating me! (She had rejected him when they were classmates in undergrad studies and he wasn't as well-groomed or employed then. But now, that he looked much better, had a job and had dated a couple of other girls while she had dropped out of her Master's studies, had no job and was single, she suddenly loved him).
Knowing all of this bs about the guy and the girl, I feel like there's no need for me to tell the girl anything. Honestly, I don't even think she'll ever trust me over her husband and I don't have that kind of energy to get into this negativity again. So, am I the asshole in this whole drama?

New Releases - Thursday 16 May

MM Romance

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• Alpha's Magic (Claimed #4) by Shannon West - 213 pages - Amazon - (omegaverse, royalty, cursed, dominant alphas, forced marriage, possessive)
• Coach Stare Down (For Puck's Sake #6) by Crea Reitan - 356 pages - Amazon - (contemporary, asexual MC, hurt/comfort, shitty families, hockey coach x spectator)
• Dominated: His Rough Protector (Cartel Kings #2) by Jamie Harlock - 194 pages - Amazon - (contemporary, crime/dark, bratty MC x cartel enforcer, D/s dynamic (?))
• Earth Boys Are Easy (Villains in Space #1) by C Rochelle - 488 pages - Amazon - (sci-fi/paranormal, romcom, supervillains, FWB with an alien, only one bed, politics, grumpy/sunshine, hurt/comfort, forced proximity)
• Extraction (Innocent Monsters) by Stella Rainbow - 207 pages - Amazon - (paranormal, monster x human, kraken, amnesia, tentacles, hurt/comfort, private island)
• Impossible Things (Subparheroes) by Alexa Land - 201 pages - Amazon - (paranormal, librarian MCs, colleagues to lovers, ""crap"" superpower, information endangering superheroes)
• In This Shadow, Longing (Coven Ties #3) by Marina Vivancos - 219 pages - Amazon - (fantasy/paranormal, biokink, hurt/comfort, MC feels unworthy to be a Dom, client x sex therapist, Domdrop)
• Liberating Zach (Fairford Affairs) by Bay Sinclair - 107 pages - Amazon - (contemporary, getting over a crush on someone else, vacation romance, age gap, whirlwind romance)
• Love Punch (Tyler Sports Dynasty #1) by Matt Peters - 170 pages - Amazon - (contemporary, sports (boxing), assistant x boxer, boss/employee, longstanding crush, career change)
• One Night With The Nanny (Nannies of New York #6) by K. Sterling - 318 pages - Amazon - (contemporary (?), romcom, fairytale, fake dating, found family, ONS to lovers, MC has a platonic soulmate, single father who happens to be a prince)
• Pain and Promises (Stepbrothers of New York #1) by Meadow Jones - 286 pages - Amazon - (contemporary, stepbrothers, estranged, hurt/comfort, isolated MC)
• Temperance (Damned Connections #3) by Lark Taylor - 400 pages - Amazon - (paranormal, fire mage x vampire, D/s, hurt/comfort / caretaking, fixed duration, best read in order)
• Twisted Rivalry by Devon McCormack - 326 pages - Amazon - (contemporary, sex for money, hired by twin, secrets/deception, mind games, check CWs)
• Without Him (Cobalt Security #5) by Reese Knightley - 227 pages - Amazon - (contemporary, billionaire x bodyguard, drama, unrequited love, lies)

Kobo Plus

• Dare (Mindset Duet #1) by C.J. Dragon - 219 pages - Amazon / Kobo - (sci-fi, empath MC, shunned by society, on the run/in hiding, dislike to lovers, space ship)
• Ice Heart (Ridderden Riders #2) by Sierra J Meril - 240 pages - Amazon / Kobo - (fantasy, dragons, maybe more sword & sorcery than romance, dislike to lovers, volatile magic, politic turmoil, world-saving mission)
• The Prez’s Forbidden Romance (The Forbidden Temptation #3) by Melody Ann - 110 pages - Amazon / Kobo - (contemporary, age gap, motorcycle club (?), MC shunned by family, first relationship, dark themes (?))

Other
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Other Queer Romance

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• Ours to Protect by L.S. Pullen - 358 pages - Amazon - (FMMMM, contemporary, poly, dark, security team x socialite)

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Audiobooks

MM Romance

• Twisted Rivalry by Devon McCormack, narrated by Tim Paige - Audible - (contemporary, sex for money, hired by twin, secrets/deception, mind games, check CWs) - 6 hrs 35 min

Queer
No new releases.

I'm 23F, I have a younger brother (15M) who's still in school and lives at home with my parents while I live in a different city.
Recently, my mom lost my grandma (lost grandpa 6 years ago) after a months-long spell of deteriorating health and quite a lot of family drama, and while she has always been a mentally strong person, she is emotionally reactive and has been battling depression and severe mood swings along with her job which has been really hectic and stressful in the past year. My dad is supportive and good at heart, but dealing with his own stress at work etc, so him and mom's fights have increased tenfold - it's like they cannot have a conversation without snapping. I live away from home and also not totally happy in my job, my brother is not focusing on his school work as much as he should - added stressors.
To put it briefly, my family is only the usual amount of dysfunctional, my childhood as well as my brother's has been nice and we are fairly financially stable as well. Mom and dad have had a history of fights over a few contentious issues, but lately it has started to feel like there's like a black cloud over our family. I can't remember the last time we sat together and laughed.
The issue with my dad's side of the family (and tbh my dad too) is that they have terrible EQ and no empathy. The little taunts and ignorance here and there has built up over the years and they just don't realise it no matter how much someone explains. My dad also has this terrible habit of bringing logic into emotional fights and never accepting that he might be wrong. Couple that with my mom being super reactive and being so vulnerable right now - it's a typical anxious and avoidant attachment scenario and I have no idea how to fix it. My mom has 2 brothers who are just useless, especially emotionally - they are more concerned with stupid inheritance issues.
So it's just all fucked up right now and I am feeling kinda helpless. Makes me want to leave everything and come back home but that's not necessarily a solution.
Some more context and constraints - we're an Indian family so that comes with a resistant attitude towards things like therapy, divorce etc. I am looking for therapy options but it's extremely difficult to find a good one here.
Seeking advice on what to do or just some empathy / reassurance from someone who has been through this so I can find a way out without letting my anxiety of all this get the best of me. TIA ❤️
TL;DR - Mom lost grandma this year and dad is supportive but emotionally unavailable at times, causing constant fighting at home - feels like there is a black cloud over our family of 4 and home - I live away from home and don't know how to make everyone happy again.

This past weekend, my wife and I moved out of our duplex and rented it out completely.
When we bought it 4.5 years ago, we decided to rent out the 3rd floor unit and live in the first floor unit for 3-5 years.
Our plans finally came up fruition as we bought our forever home (4000 square feet 1840s farm house on 2 acres). Higher than what I want in a mortgage rate, 6.25%, but plan to refi in the near future.
Our duplex has 26 years and $260,000 left on a 2.75% mortgage rate. Estimated value for the duplex is $430,000 to $450,000 based on comps our realtor ran.
Bottom unit rent is $2500 a month and top unit is $1125 a month.
Expenses is $1933 mortgage (including insurance and taxes). $75 monthly water bill $600-$800 a year for landscaping/snow removal
Obviously putting money aside for taxes and expenses.
I just wanted to share with you all that we hit our goal and hoping for no drama going forward.

I don’t know where to start. My mother gave birth to me (24F) when she was 16 years old. She didn’t have the best upbringing and she has a mountain of trauma herself. With that being said she was still incredibly mean to me growing up. She always told me if I looked bad, what I should change so “boys would like me”, told me I was weird, made fun of me with her friends or other family members, told people my personal business from a young age, she never wanted anything to do with me unless it benefitted her. She would sleep in until noon and leave me to take care of my two younger siblings when I was as young as 6 years old. She has been addicted to pills since I can remember. Over the years I’ve distanced myself and the moment I turned 18 I moved in with my boyfriend at the time and began my journey of avoiding her at all costs just to protect my peace. When I felt obligated to see her (on holidays or birthdays) she would update me on her life and dump information that’s not for a daughter to know or hear and I would tell her I don’t care to hear these things. She’s never gotten the memo and still to this day messages me about drama that’s none of my business. The past few years she has been kind to me and tried to reach out to check in on me, and I appreciate it don’t get me wrong. But as the little girl that went through that and much more, I cannot forgive her and act like I want a relationship with her. I get that she probably feels guilty and is trying to make up for it in the ways she knows, but I don’t want or need that now. She is still majorly addicted to medications and I can’t stand watching her when she’s visibly high. Am I a terrible person for wanting to go no contact with her? My moms side of the family thinks “she’s your mom that’ll break her heart” but my dads side knows how she is and understands why I would want to do that. My heart breaks for her knowing she is still 16 years old mentally and emotionally. But I’m tired of feeling like the mom when I speak to her about literally anything. Help

I’ve watched the beginning seasons of most RH franchises but stopped watching some 6 years ago. Lately I’ve been wanting to do a full binge of one. What’s the best series in your opinion? Filled with shocking drama and insane behavior lol I was thinking maybe RHONJ? But wanted to get everyone’s opinions and why! If you could give some examples of your why’s I think it would be fun to read and reminisce too lol For good measure I recently did RHOSLC for the first time through and through- definitely hit the spot.

Item: Dune Atreides Royal Ornithopter (10327)
Lego Price: $180 w/tax
Shipping: 19x12x6",UPS Ground, 5 lbs 60304 to 93455, Insured = $30
Raffle Total/Spots: $210 (21 spots at $10 each)
Price justification: Lego.com
Call spots: Y
Spot limit per person: N
Duration of spot limit: N/A
Location(Country): USA
Will ship international: N
Timestamp pic: https://imgur.com/a/aAxM0vv
Description: big box dent, see pics. At this point, I'm posting these for the meme.
Payment required w/in 10 minutes of raffle filling. 5 for drama.
Payments should have NO COMMENTS. Comments will result in a permanent ban.
PM me for PP

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So it's like a light discussion bout how i came to know about these communities. I do believe that the feelings of being gnc started in childhood for a lot of us. Same for me. I was an androgynous, awkward, and tomboyish nerdy kid who became more masculine as time went on.
As a little girl, all i had to do was take one look at some typical action hero, super powered macho dude and be like, yup, he's my bride now :).
My heart fluttered so much every time any of my cartoon crushes were put in an even slightly vulnerable position, maybe they got hurt, fainted or helpless. I might sound like a weirdo, but i used to save videos where they would be unconscious, falling or carried in that pretty thing, objectified sensual kinda manner. (I remember you superman, being all weak and passing out near any kryptonite 😳)
Cuz as a kid all i cared about was being cool and a show off irl, so naturally i was usually a badass in my imaginations who was either a detective, warrior or superhero that saved and bridal carried a helpless man, and the thought of them clinging to me, blushing and being in awe at how badass and strong i was absolutely melted me.
It's how i knew something was a bit different bout the way i perceived romance. Cuz mostly around me, little girls wanted to be the one saved, being the clinging and helpless one and to see how cool and fierce their crushes were. Even if they were badasses, it was very in that girlboss manner, and usually then it would not involve any guy cuz they were "independent" and "did not need saving"
Obvs my tastes became more diverse in future beyond just that.
I noted that people were a little bit gnc on internet like calling guys slutty or bbgirls and stuff like that. I found that i really liked it.
Ultimately, i would say it was my many searches of girlboss x malewife, strong fl x soft ml and similar stuff like this that lead me to rr and then this sub.
Before this, note, that i did not look for romance stuff much cuz, one, i grew up in religious conservative house where we would jump at even a simple kiss scene so i was pretty romantically repressed. Second, i often never felt romantic attraction irl cuz everyone was pretty hardcore het normative. Third, I, in general, don't read romance as a separate genre. Same for family dramas and slice of life. Not my cup of tea. Like its fine as a sub genre within a story but not as its own thing.
What started off me searching for rr romance stuff was interestingly cuz of one media that soon became my favourite anime; JoJo Bizarre Adventure.
I had long seen many memes abt it, including the "best waifu Speedwagon"
Long story short, i began actively binging many memes, without even having seen it. When part 6 was adapted, that's when i was watching it.
I feel like not enough people talk abt how gnc JoJo is, at least in presentation.
Like they were sometimes simultaneously the macho, normative, beefy guys and at same time so genderfucking, dramatic, fabulous and beautiful. Like legit everyone's poses go hard.
Poses are such interesting shit cuz unlike other action media, you'll be getting into the plot and fights and then momentarily they'll make you halt with someone's pose and be like drawing your attention to their objectified, beautiful bodies and energies its so hilarious xD
I mean consider the fact that the anime's best waifu is Speedwagon, and the best mom is Bruno, both of whom are MALE.
When i watched part 1 fr first time i finally understood all those best waifu memes like holy shit bro acts so much like a worried, nurturing and damsel in distress girlfriend
Not only that, like most of the jojo poses are inspired by fashion poses, most of them being done by female models. Dio's iconic pose? Done by female model. Most of Giorno's poses? Same thing here. Risotto? Same. And the body language of these characters. Like even if they may be the most mainstraightest characters, they don't care bout how they appear or carry themselves.
The amount of comments saying stuff like "Bruno got such mom smile" or "Abbachio wine aunt" or "diavolo a goth gf" or "giorno's stand posing with him like he's its baby mana" or "Prosciutto fast walked like a lady or worried mom" or how zesty so many jojos, even the early beefy ones like Joseph or pillar men act is absolutely fantastic. Their poses are such mixture of andro, masc or fem energies like they absolutely do not care.
Don't even get me started on their designs and clothing. Absolute gender fuckery. Pinkiest pink, flowers, earrings, slutty turtlenecks, heart accessories, strapless top, so many boob windows and crop tops, lipsticks, long hair, to name few.
Even if they are the machoest or het normative, they dress like there's absolutely no stigma in their world against how one presents. Rohan, diavolo, abbachio, bruno, dio, narancia, joseph, kakyoin, mista, giorno, anasui to name a few.
Sadly, women are the least gnc part of JoJo, and despite all this mentioned above , some semblance of mainstraightness still exists in jojoverse. There's either that, or just gayness.
Appearance wise the most gnc jojo women i can think of would be either ermes or hot pants. But that's realllyyy a bare minimum :(
Anyway, you can imagine i had many awakenings i didn't even know i had 🥴

So I do hope she’s okay. I’m not really big on social media and don’t exactly follow others regularly to know everything that is going on with them. But I had followed her main IG foxylv page and consignment IG page, foxylvden for a while now. Around 1.5 years ago or so I sent in an item for her to put into her shop for consignment. It has not sold at all and I kind of got busy with my own life and didn’t really keep in communication with her. I had intended to ask to make arrangements to have it sent back to me but just put it off.
Until the other day someone made a post about her kind of just disappearing off social media for what seems like to be at least a few months now? This got me really worried as she still had my item. So I messaged her on the foxylvden account as that’s one I used to communicate with her in the past on about the consignment. Looks like her main page, foxylv is now gone so I couldn’t message her on that. I heard mentioned that her main page got removed and she’s locked out with no access to her selling one. However, when I sent her a message on the selling one it had said she was “active 1 hour ago”. But it’s been a few days and no reply.
Another user on here suggest I message her on her foxylv TikTok account. So I did that as well and haven’t heard back there either. I just checked the IG message thread to see if there’s any response and there isn’t but says “active 6 hours ago”. I did comment and ask another user if they were ever able to get a hold of her on one of her posts. As that user wasn’t able to get a hold of her either about a package they sent her. But that was from like a bunch of weeks ago and not sure if that person will see the comment or respond.
So I’m really not sure at this point what to do. From my understanding there is no number or email address posted on her accounts for the consignment services. Communication seems to be all done via social media instead. I’m wondering if anyone had any suggestions on what to do next or if anyone else is on the same boat? I see a number of other items still posted on the consignment page so I’m assuming I’m not the only one who still has items of theirs in her possession. I’m not trying to stir or cause drama as idk what is all going on with her. I do hope is she is alright. But I also really want my item back too…

So I do hope she’s okay. I’m not really big on social media and don’t exactly follow others regularly to know everything that is going on with them. But I had followed her main IG foxylv page and consignment IG page, foxylvden for a while now. Around 1.5 years ago or so I sent in an item for her to put into her shop for consignment. It has not sold at all and I kind of got busy with my own life and didn’t really keep in communication with her. I had intended to ask to make arrangements to have it sent back to me but just put it off.
Until the other day someone made a post about her kind of just disappearing off social media for what seems like to be at least a few months now? This got me really worried as she still had my item. So I messaged her on the foxylvden account as that’s one I used to communicate with her in the past on about the consignment. Looks like her main page, foxylv is now gone so I couldn’t message her on that. I heard mentioned that her main page got removed and she’s locked out with no access to her selling one. However, when I sent her a message on the selling one it had said she was “active 1 hour ago”. But it’s been a few days and no reply.
Another user on here suggest I message her on her foxylv TikTok account. So I did that as well and haven’t heard back there either. I just checked the IG message thread to see if there’s any response and there isn’t but says “active 6 hours ago”. I did comment and ask another user if they were ever able to get a hold of her on one of her posts. As that user wasn’t able to get a hold of her either about a package they sent her. But that was from like a bunch of weeks ago and not sure if that person will see the comment or respond.
So I’m really not sure at this point what to do. From my understanding there is no number or email address posted on her accounts for the consignment services. Communication seems to be all done via social media instead. I’m wondering if anyone had any suggestions on what to do next or if anyone else is on the same boat? I see a number of other items still posted on the consignment page so I’m assuming I’m not the only one who still has items of theirs in her possession. I’m not trying to stir or cause drama as idk what is all going on with her. I do hope is she is alright. But I also really want my item back too…

I repotted a peace lily I was gifted from my dads funeral its been sitting in the same shity straw basket pot for about a good 7 months. Recently reported to a nice Teresa cotta pot with new soil. It was dramatic for about two weeks lost a few leaves I know they’re drama queens but it’s been about 5-6 weeks now and it’s snapped back sort of …. still looks kinda wilted. My soil tester tells me it’s wet. No brown leaves/ tips are showering overwatering. Also was fertilized when repotted but still looks wilted and sad why could that be?! I don’t want to loose this plant it’s means so much to me! Any suggestions or advice please!!!

The Results of the "All Star Variety Show" Talent Show Challenge are in!
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DURING THE EPISODE...
As the werkroom lights flicker on, ten fierce All-Stars strut in, each eyeing the coveted spot in the Hall of Fame next to All Stars 1 winner Kylie Sonique Love. Get ready for a season packed with glamour, drama, and legendary lip-syncs. The race to the top has never been fiercer!
The first to enter the werkroom is Plasma! With a confident strut and a twinkle in her eye, she sashays in, exuding the charisma that screams "Broadway." She spills the tea in the confessional, expressing her sheer delight at being back in the Drag Race spotlight. Having tasted the bittersweet sting of elimination just shy of the season 5 finale, and having two wins under her belt, including triumphs in singing and acting challenges, Plasma is ready to reclaim her time and showcase the full spectrum of her theatrical prowess in this All Stars showdown. She's poised to snatch every moment and let her theatrical brilliance shine brighter than ever before!
As the next queen struts into the werkroom, Plasma's face lights up with pure joy—it's Priyanka! With a squeal of excitement, Plasma rushes over, their sisterhood from season 5 reignited in an instant. They embrace in a tight hug, exchanging playful banter as Plasma teases, "You better not send me home again, bitch!" In the confessional, Priyanka, reveals that she's never felt more ready for Drag Race than in this moment. After her season 5 journey, she's toured the world and grown immensely, feeling like she's finally hit her stride. With a mischievous grin, she declares her intention to snatch the crown right from under Plasma's nose, punctuating her declaration with a hearty laugh. Priyanka is ready to slay the competition and claim her moment in the spotlight.
As Plasma and Priyanka share laughs and catch up, the werkroom is hit with another dose of glamour as Bosco makes her entrance! The queens are instantly gagged by her stunning outfit, which accentuates her flawless figure in all the right ways. Making a beeline for Plasma and Priyanka, Bosco showers them with hugs, kisses, and compliments, praising their fierce looks. In a heart-to-heart with her fellow queens, Bosco reveals that she was offered a spot on All Stars 1 but didn't feel quite ready at the time. Now, however, she's back and more prepared than ever to snatch the crown. In a confessional, Plasma opens up about feeling a mix of excitement and intimidation in Bosco's presence. As a trailblazer from Season 1, Bosco is a true legend in the drag world, and her arrival adds an extra layer of excitement and competition to the mix.
As the werkroom continues to buzz with excitement, in walks Marcia Marcia Marcia, sending Priyanka and Plasma into disbelief. It's another queen from season 5, and the reunion is nothing short of epic. The trio embraces in a group hug, their smiles stretching from ear to ear as they revel in the joy of seeing each other again. Bosco joins the lovefest, adding her warmth to the mix as she greets Marcia with a tight hug. In a confessional, Marcia Marcia Marcia opens up about her near-miss with the crown last time around, admitting with a hint of sarcasm that seeing Priyanka and Plasma back in the competition feels like déjà vu after beating them before. Meanwhile, Priyanka playfully ribs Marcia about her makeup skills, teasing her about the "barely even there" makeup from season 5.
In a whirlwind of sequins and sass, Kahanna Montrese sashays into the werkroom, catching the other queens off guard with her swift return from season 7. The room buzzes with curiosity and intrigue as Kahanna shares her determination to prove herself after feeling robbed of her chance in her previous season. The other queens nod in admiration, applauding her unwavering resolve and fierce determination. In a confessional, Priyanka reflects on Kahanna's shocking elimination during season 7, recalling how she won a challenge only to face an early exit.
With an aura of determination radiating from every sequin, Cara Melle struts into the werkroom, her gaze fixed on the other queens with a steely resolve that could cut through diamonds. In a confessional, she reveals her satisfaction at being the lone representative from season 2 in this All Stars lineup, after her sisters Regina, Denali, and Kimmy failed to snatch the crown in All Stars 1. Cara envisions herself as the rightful queen to claim a spot in the Drag Race Hall of Fame. As Cara's intense energy fills the room, Kahanna Montrese can't help but feel a twinge of surprise and uncertainty. Is Cara's confidence a facade, she wonders, a mask concealing her true intentions? Kahanna can't shake the feeling that there's more to this queen than meets the eye.
Danny Beard struts into the werkroom, greeted with beaming smiles from Bosco and Cara Melle, who are thrilled to see a queen from the earlier seasons joining their ranks. In a confessional, Danny shares her aspirations, expressing her desire to claim a spot beside her season 3 sister Kylie in the Drag Race Hall of Fame. With a fierce determination to remind the world of her slayage during season 3, Danny is here to snatch hearts and slay challenges. As the other queens welcome Danny with open arms, Marcia Marcia Marcia can't contain her excitement, channeling her inner fangirl as she declares Danny one of her idols.
With a signature "bam" that reverberates through the werkroom, Alexis Mateo makes her grand entrance, instantly setting the tone for the room with her iconic catchphrase. The other queens can't help but join in, screaming "bam" in unison as they welcome her with open arms. Curious about Alexis's journey and representing Puerto Rico, Priyanka dives in with questions, eager to learn more about the legendary queen's drag legacy. Proudly representing her Puerto Rican roots, Alexis exudes confidence as she vows to remind Mama Ru and the world why the island's drag scene reigns supreme. In a playful confessional moment, Alexis admits she's relieved not to spot Mistress in the room, jokingly citing the potential for drama. Among the sea of familiar faces, Alexis is particularly intrigued by Kahanna's presence, given their Vegas connections. With a knowing smirk, she anticipates the surprises her old friend might have up her sleeve this time around
As Tia Kofi struts into the werkroom, the other queens are left gagging at her undeniable glow-up. With her confidence radiating like a beacon, Tia's transformation from her season 6 days leaves jaws on the floor. Not one to shy away from a bit of playful banter, the queens don't hold back from teasing Tia about her questionable runway looks from her previous season. Alexis, ever the straight-shooter, even quips about hoping Tia brought a stylist along for the ride this time around. In a confessional, Tia holds nothing back, acknowledging her humble beginnings as a "baby queen" during season 6. But she's quick to point out that her journey across the globe has been a crash course in fashion education, and she's more than ready to show off her newfound sense of style on the All Stars stage.
As the final queen makes her grand entrance, the werkroom falls into stunned silence, with Plasma declaring her the "robbed queen of the century": Marina Summers. Marina, embodying grace and poise, reveals in a confessional the overwhelming support she received after narrowly missing out on the crown in season 7. However, she takes a moment to address her fans, urging them to cease any harassment directed towards Nymphia, the season 7 winner. With love and respect for her fellow queen, Marina emphasizes that Nymphia deserved her victory and sets her sights firmly on claiming the crown for herself in this All Stars season. With a warmth that fills the room, Marina approaches the other queens, embracing each one in turn. Danny, always quick with a witty remark, jokes about who might try to steal Marina's crown this time around, eliciting laughter from the group. Amidst the camaraderie and laughter, Marina's presence adds an extra layer of excitement and anticipation to the competition, as the queens gear up for what promises to be an unforgettable All Stars journey.
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RuPaul enters the werkroom and the queens participate in the first mini-challenge of the season.
Mini Challenge "Reading is Fundamental" Winner: Danny Beard
The Queens prepare for the talent show each plotting their path to snatch the spotlight

• As Marcia Marcia Marcia, Priyanka, and Plasma huddle together, Alexis Mateo, Bosco, Cara Melle, and Danny Beard exchange knowing glances, sensing a clique forming among the season 5 sisters. Meanwhile, Marina Summers and Tia Kofi observe from afar, noticing a similar camaraderie brewing among the "early season" queens.
• In a corner of the werkroom, Kahanna Montrese and Alexis Mateo share tales of their Vegas experiences, their voices tinged with nostalgia and shared memories.
• Over by the makeup mirrors, Tia Kofi and Priyanka swap fashion tips, their laughter ringing out as Marina Summers playfully teases, suggesting they might need advice from someone else.

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AFTER DELIBERATION...
TOP2: Marcia Marcia Marcia 🌟 (1x win) / Marina Summers🌟 (1x win)
HIGH: Alexis Mateo / Cara Melle
SAFE: Bosco / Kahanna Montrese / Priyanka
LOW: Plasma
BTM2: Danny Beard (1x btm) / Tia Kofi (1x btm)
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The Top Two Queens Marcia Marcia Marcia and Marina Summers will Lip-Sync for their Legacy to "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift. This is your chance to impress me, take the win, and earn the power to give one of the Bottom Queens the Chop. Good Luck and Don't Fuck It Up!
Poll
Spreadsheet/Track Record

• our clan's name: Evil
• Your system(s): We have players on all platforms (playstation, Xbox and PC)
• Where are most of your clan members located (country/time zones): We are a mixed group US EST, MST, PST, we also regularly play with players from the UK and Canada as well.
• When do you usually play (include times and time zone): Most of us play after about 4-5:00PM MST on weekdays as we have day jobs, however on weekends we are usually a lot more active.
• Tell us more about your clan (ex: how many members, requirements to join if any, focus on PvE/PvP/both, why should people join your clan, how do you communicate/organize events): We are a smaller group around 6-7 active players at the moment as we've lost a couple of members to attrition, we are interested in players with any level of skill . We are ideally looking to bring in as many as we can prior to the release of the Final Shape. We have a solid group of players that regularly play through and enjoy endgame content, however we also love teaching raids, dungeons, and everything else! Most of our members don't primarily play PVP and much prefer PVE, however we will do bannetrials, etc. if there are good rewards and/or someone needs help with something. A few things that we do require below:
  • Some level of maturity. We don't have any age requirements, my Son and Daughter both play and are 16 and 18 respectively, my son has been playing with me since he was 7 , however if you do join we do ask that you maintain some level of decency and maturity while playing with the group. We are mostly adults with day jobs and lives our own and play destiny as a means of relaxing and having fun. None of us want or will tolerate drama of any kind. We do use profanity occasionally, so be advised if that is something that you are not comfortable with. We do not tolerate racism, sexism, homophobia or bigotry of any kind and any of these will result in an immediate and permanent ban.
  • In order to be invited, you MUST be active in our discord. This does not mean that you have to make a required amount of posts or anything, however you MUST have a mic. and be willing to join in the occasional raid, dungeon, seasonal activity, etc. and be willing to communicate via mic. Don't be socially anxious, we're all really nice and as "normal" as they come, promise! We also love helping and teaching newer players.
  • As stated above, we understand completely that family and life obligations will always come first. We only ask that if you will be absent for an extended period of time, just communicate with an admin and/or the main chat and let everyone know you'll be back.
• What is the best way to contact your clan (reply in the thread, website, Twitter, etc.)?: If interested in joining, please reply to the comment here, or send me a DM and I will send you an invite! We would love to have you for the Final Shape and beyond!

Peace,
Manawar

I recently ran into a few (now former) friends of my exwBPD. My ex now has no real friends that I’m aware of, only an acquaintance or two probably mixed in with random guys, lots of random guys is my guess
They saw me and came over to say hi. They did not know that I had ended things because my ex apparently kept telling them that we were still talking or dating…
I let them know I ended things months ago and let one of them know that’s why I wasn’t at her wedding this year. I ended things maybe 2-4 weeks prior to the wedding
We talked a bit about her wedding and she got fired up telling me a story about my ex. So my ex went to her wedding, got hammered, fell down several times, went around asking if anyone had cocaine, and ended up fighting with the brides family because they got her car keys from valet so she wouldn’t drive home. Several other things went down but this lets you know how much of a mess she is/was
Interested thing is I spoke with my ex a week or two after the wedding and she told me that she hadn’t spoke with her friends since the wedding and it was because of someone else that didn’t like her caused drama and my ex took the blame she said “It’snot my fault” - —— You have all heard this shit, it’s never their fault….right 🤣
She then let me know that my ex reached out to her late last year and threatened her if she didn’t back her on a lie she told me. Said if she didn’t tell me, word for word, that she wouldn’t be friends with her anymore.
She said she wanted to tell me the truth but she was afraid of my ex due to the crazy she had been seeing and was holding up the friend code
The funny thing was that the lie covered something that I wouldn’t have cared about had she told me the truth. There were several stupid little lies I caught her in that wouldn’t have been an issue had she just been honest and upfront
She verified everything I was feeling and thought. She called out that she was a chronic liar, constantly seeking attention (especially from men) she had to be the center of attention and spent more time at the bachelorette party taking selfies than she did hanging out with all the girls
She told me she would always end up drunk when they went out and cocaine use was heavy. I didn’t know about the cocaine but knew she had a difficult time stopping drinking once she started
I wanted to share this because I know we often feel alone because they only attack the people/person they are closest with.
My ex is quiet BPD, educated, great job, and people around her that don’t know her well thinks she’s great.
On paper, she would look like the perfect woman. Educated, intelligent, fun, absolutely beautiful!! I felt like the luckiest guy in the word until I realized I actually was the most unluckiest guy in the world
So being fortunate enough to run into two other people that saw who she was from the friendship side and who knew she wasn’t the Instagram perfect person she tries to put out to the world just verified that 1. It wasn’t me 2. She is crazy, I’m not 3. She will never change 4. She will not find a better life without me/with someone else 5. Had I stuck around shit would have 100% gotten worse 6. My gut was right! I could have gotten out much earlier I was weak she got me with her love/sex bombing and beauty 7. I am the luckiest guy alive because I’m no longer with her, doing better by the day, and was fortunate enough to be able to run into those two people to get the verification/validation that most do not get when they date someone with BPD
And #7 is the main reason why I wanted to write this post. I don’t think many of us get closure or verification that’s it’s not me, not my fault, nothing I could have done.
I hope my experience will help set your minds at ease. Not being with someone with BPD is the best thing you can hope for. You all deserve better and your gut is right, trust it, heal, find a person that will treat you with love, honesty and respect

Who we are: We're a guild for players of all skill levels and experience that try to offer something for everyone. We fluctuate between 440-495 members in game and over 1,000 in our Discord so there is usually someone available to answer questions or help you with something in game.
Requirements: We do require guildies join our discord to stay in the loop. Use of it is optional, but we do ask that people attending events join voice to hear the organizer's instructions. Mics are never required though.
Time Zone: We have players all over the world, but primarily operate in NA (PST/EST) with some events for OCE.
What we offer weekly: Guild Missions: Saturdays 10AM PST (beginner friendly) Class Practice: Fridays 5PM PST (beginner friendly) Afternoon Strikes: Fridays 11AM PST (beginner friendly/usually 2-3 squads) Evening Strikes: Fridays 7PM PST (beginner friendly) Morning Strike CM Progression: Sundays 5AM PST (runs 2 hours) Evening Strike CM Progression: Sundays 2PM PST (runs 2 hours) Fractal Training: Saturdays 2PM PST (beginner friendly) Fractal CM Training: Sundays 5PM PST Coffee & GW2: ON HIATUS (chat in voice while doing casual stuff in game) Raid Trainings: - Tuesdays 7PM PST (beginner friendly/runs 2 hours) - Thursdays 7PM PST (beginner friendly/runs 2 hours) - Saturdays 12PM PST (beginner friendly/runs 2 hours) - Saturdays 6PM PST (beginner friendly/runs 2 hours) Raid Statics: - Mondays 5AM PST (Wings 1-4 + CM's) - Mondays 7PM PST (Wings 5-6 prog) - Wednesdays 6PM PST (Wings 1-4) - Thursdays 4PM PST (Wings 1-4 prog) - ON HIATUS (Wings 5-7 prog) - Saturdays 7PM PST (Wings 5-7 prog) - Sundays 10AM PST (Wings 5-7 CM/HTCM Prog)
Besides our weekly scheduled events, we also have weekly raffles, Member of the Month awards, fashion shows, Wintersday raffle, Secret Santa, readathons, walkathons, Community Days, GW2 Bingo, and much more!
Our rules:

1. No racist/hate speech is tolerated.
2. No drama, bullying, or harassment is tolerated.
3. Be responsible and mature in your actions and interactions, as well as respectful of others and their privacy.
4. Ask event organizers for permission before streaming or recording events for Twitch/YouTube.
5. No pornography or sexually-explicit content.
6. No AFK farming in GW2 or other violations of ANET's ToS.
7. No asking for gold/items. We'll help you make gold & gladly show you how.
8. Self-promotion is okay if you run it by Paul for approval first.
9. Do not post spoilers for games, shows, movies, etc. in public channels. How to join: Mail "Mr Paul.8247" in game.

How to join: Mail "Mr Paul.8247" in game.