Paragraph about myself

Hey all! I commented on here awhile ago and have been making strides in my own writing thanks to everyone who gave me paragraph upon paragraph of help, but now I have another question. This next sequence may be unintelligible but just stay with me now.
My first question (which may be stupid), are issues required? I feel issues are to keep interest in your comics as well as giving the author a break themselves, writing chapter to chapter rather than "boom compendium size book", and I understand that I'm just genuinely curious if there is some sort of standard to that.
Okay second question, I have seen article upon article and forum upon forum about the standard length of an issue. It seems to be around 28 to 32 pages long but I have noticed that everyone answering with that response has also said the words "DC" or "Marvel" standards. If I am writing an independent comic, is there truly a rule other than multiples of 4?
And lastly my third question (again I feel extremely uneducated now), when does a comic book become a graphic novel or vice versa? The project I am working on is lengthy in my mind, and I don't want it to seem to quick paced, yet I feel like if I continue to add pages here and there to fill in information, then eventually it will be more like a graphic novel. This is fine however, I have this image of graphic novels versus comics in my mind and I have always imagined my project to be a comic book series.
I have calmed myself down from questions like these in the thought process that once I start to see my illustrated sequences and pages filling out, I will probably relax a bit as it just seems so little or way to much when written in a script like form.
Sorry if I wasn't very clear in my questions I just don't know how to ask a lot of these things. Regardless, I am sure this community can answer a few for me! Thank you!

So, I moved into a house with one of my mom's coworkers about a year and a half ago. She has two black cats, pretty young. I'd say probably 3 years old. One is a little more high strung than the other, but they're both super mischievous, which I understand to be somewhat normal but lately it's been getting crazier. She's the laziest person I've ever met, she's gone 2 months without even scooping their litter boxes.
After complaining to the homeowner (who happens to be her sister and BIL) they came over and forced her to clean it, along with cleaning the entire house because after not having a place to go potty, they continued to do it anywhere and everywhere including the carpets, any thing on the ground. I tried to keep up the messes myself but it was too much. She never plays with them, she's never even around them. The only time she's in the house is when she's sleeping.
She hates me for some reason so she spends all her time in the shed out back, self medicating. Meanwhile her cats are tearing up everything. Newspapers, couches, boxes, the usual. But in the last month or so they've started getting into my food. They have figured out how to open the fridge, they've figured out how to get the trash can out from under the sink even after I secured it in place with a bunjee cord.
They never went after food like this before I made them clean. It's every single day now. So I'm wondering, are they just bored because they took away all their "toys" (trash they were playing with and tearing up, etc)? Or are they not being fed enough? Because I never see them being fed or eating. I've been working from home so I would notice.
They are relentless when there's food present, like absolutely feral as if they're starving. I brought it up to landlord and he said that they're just "shitty cats" and they're being fed just fine but I don't think so. Sorry for the long winded paragraph. Any advice on what to do? I feel like she doesn't deserve to have animals. I feel so bad for them. I help out when I can but I can not make it a habit or she will take advantage of me. She's a legit child in a 38 year old woman's body.

Really wasn't sure where else to post this but needed to get it off my chest. Sorry in advance if this sounds like soppy bullshit.
I'm single by choice, recently started sleeping with my ex just for some mutually agreed fun, but it feels kinda cheap. I'm quite an emotional guy, I don't date casually and it's not often I meet someone I'm interested in romantically, so I tend to keep to myself.
Bumped into a woman today that I've known for 10+ years but we never see eachother anymore. A long time ago there was a point where we were both in to eachother but nothing came of it as we both had some issues at the time. She randomly brought this up today and we talked about it a little bit. I hate admitting it but I always felt like there was something really genuine between us.
I don't feel great about sleeping with my ex as it's not what I truly want, I'm at a point where I want a genuine relationship so casual sex and all that just doesn't really do anything for me (aside from the physical obviously).
I don't know, for some reason talking with her today and remembering having true feelings for someone you feel connected with has now made me want to cut things off with my ex and just get back to being single until I find someone I actually have romantic feelings for again. Like I'm really not interested in any sort of sex or romance unless it's someone I feel like I could love. Does this make sense? Can anyone help me articulate or understand this better?
Sorry if it doesn't make enough sense it's kinda hard to write without typing out paragraphs to explain everything. Feel free to ask me for more context.

Really wasn't sure where else to post this but needed to get it off my chest. Sorry in advance if this sounds like soppy bullshit.
I'm single by choice, recently started sleeping with my ex just for some mutually agreed fun, but it feels kinda cheap. I'm quite an emotional guy, I don't date casually and it's not often I meet someone I'm interested in romantically, so I tend to keep to myself.
Bumped into a woman today that I've known for 10+ years but we never see eachother anymore. A long time ago there was a point where we were both in to eachother but nothing came of it as we both had some issues at the time. She randomly brought this up today and we talked about it a little bit. I hate admitting it but I always felt like there was something really genuine between us.
I don't feel great about sleeping with my ex as it's not what I truly want, I'm at a point where I want a genuine relationship so casual sex and all that just doesn't really do anything for me (aside from the physical obviously).
I don't know, for some reason talking with her today and remembering having true feelings for someone you feel connected with has now made me want to cut things off with my ex and just get back to being single until I find someone I actually have romantic feelings for again. Like I'm really not interested in any sort of sex or romance unless it's someone I feel like I could love. Does this make sense? Can anyone help me articulate or understand this better?
Sorry if it doesn't make enough sense it's kinda hard to write without typing out paragraphs to explain everything. Feel free to ask me for more context.

Hey Reddit,
I don’t normally post like this—hell, I never post with my porn account—but I’m especially lost right now. Two years ago, I got into a doctoral program for English lit, thinking it was what I wanted for my career. I’ve always excelled in school, so grad school would be a cinch! I got BAs in English and Creative Writing during undergrad, and it was some of the most rewarding work I’ve ever done. Grad school has been two years of (what feels like) a continuous mental health crisis, and today I may have wasted my last chance to get out with a degree.
I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression my entire life (medicated for six years), but after moving away to school, I very quickly spun off the rails. I was the furthest from home I had ever been, away from family and friends and my support network. My relationship with booze and weed, which had been casual, became habitual. I’m not the most social person to begin with, but the isolated lifestyle of grad school made it worse than I could have imagined. The only friends I had were in my cohort, and their being somewhere in between coworker and friend made it difficult to speak with them candidly about my struggles. After all, they had the same workload that I did, so complaining felt stupid, and sharing the extent of how bad shit had gotten seemed like it would be a one-way ticket to a grippy socks vacation.
Frankly, I should probably have gone on that vacation. I could still use one. There hasn’t been a day gone by since, like, October 2022 that I haven’t thought about killing myself. Most of the time it isn’t active, just your typical ideation like “Oh, grad school makes me want to die lol.” One of my favorite recurring ideations is hurling myself into an industrial woodchipper like in Fargo—it’s so ridiculously violent that it usually snaps me right out of my funk. Where would I even find an industrial woodchipper?
It’s gotten worse lately though. This winter was bad. I’d fantasize about finding the nearest Wal-mart and exercising my constitutional right to purchase a firearm, driving to one of the many nearby beautiful state parks that I was never able to find time to go visit during the semester, and blowing my brains out. When I realized that I needed to give my family some plausible deniability for my suicide so they could grieve my loss rather than my decision, I’d fantasize instead about “losing control” on the highway. I hoped the seatbelt would take my head and launch it straight out the windshield. Or I’d fantasize about pulling a Christopher Supertramp and just leaving without warning to fuck off and die in the woods—not violently, but by something that looked natural. God, what I wouldn’t give to be devoured by a bear.
All of these options were moot though, as I was too anxious to leave my house and drive for groceries for the entirety of March and April. Can’t drive yourself off a bridge if you’re too afraid to drive. Fret not though, friends—I’m back home with family now, stable and safe, and I no longer feel the pull of the void quite so strongly as I did at school.
Anyways, the workload was like nothing I had experienced in undergrad, and even though I knew it was going to be a lot of work, I thought I could keep up.
I was wrong.
I really gave it my best effort that first semester. I prepped each class I taught as a TA excessively, answered student emails within five minutes of receiving them. I started every other day with an anxiety vomit, but I went to class. I did my best to read everything assigned to me. I threw myself at Foucault and Derrida and fuckin Homi Bhabha and the 40 other opaque critical theorists they had us read, and I struggled through them to the best of my ability, but I never seemed to be on the same page as anyone else, so I found it more and more difficult to speak up in class until I stopped speaking entirely. Still, I wrote the 75 pages of critical writing they assign to us in the last week of the semester. I barely slept and hardly ate. I wrote what I thought they wanted, did my best to model myself after what we had read.
They told me that my efforts were disappointing, that my work “barely qualified” as critical writing. I think part of me died when I got that feedback. I got the impression, at least from the instructor who told me I barely qualified, that I had disrespected them on a professional and personal level. I come from a creative writing background, so I tend to inject personality and voice into whatever I write. Both my peers and other faculty I’ve discussed this feedback with agree that the paper (while definitely not fully formed) did not warrant that level of harshness, but it broke something in me.
I kept up for most of the second semester, but by the time those end-of-semester essays rolled around, I felt a writer’s block like I had never felt before. It wasn’t the sort that went away if I forced myself to write through it, like every other time I’d felt the block before. No, this was debilitating. I was paralyzed. I tried chipping away at it, and I tried tricking myself into writing by telling myself I was just taking notes. None of my old tricks worked, even that time-honored tradition of putting my back to the wall by waiting until the deadline and writing manic, anxiety-fueled bullshit. Every time I had ever faced something like this before—a mountain of writing that I didn’t want to do—I eventually slipped into gear and got it done.
It didn’t happen. For the first time in my life, I didn’t complete a final essay. I just couldn’t force myself to give a fuck. I couldn’t give a fuck about my work, about my grades, about my reputation at the university, about my future career, about my future continued existence. At some point, I became apathetic to my life and the world around me, but still, I pressed on because it was the only thing I thought I could do. One does not just get accepted into a fully-funded graduate program every day, you know, and I’d never forgive myself if I gave up on it so quickly. That’s what I was told, at least. Beyond that, I didn’t want to disappoint my friends and family and everyone who helped me get to grad school.
So I stuck with it, finished the essay and came back after the summer, and after forcing myself through the fall semester, I didn’t complete two final essays. My untreated burnout got worse. Imagine that! At the beginning of this semester, I made the decision to drop from the PhD track, cut my losses and get an MA. All I needed to do was finish one course this semester, one measly 25 page essay about the fucking kinetoscope, but I couldn’t do it. All I did this past semester was smoke myself stupid, play video games, and wish that I was dead. I spent months lying to my parents and my therapist, telling them both that while everything wasn’t fine, I was persevering and making progress. I’ve shared a little with my mom, now that I’m home and shit’s gone sideways, but all she did was cry and ask if I need to be taken to the ER. Nobody wants to make mom cry, and the last thing I fucking want is medical debt.
My deadline—the “missing this deadline will result in dismissal from the program” deadline—was today at noon, and I missed it. I have ten pages written, and I could finish it today if my brain wasn’t fucking broken, but instead I’ve written a confession to Reddit. I’ve emailed my DGS and will hear his verdict tomorrow morning, but honestly? I could fight for it, but don’t think I care anymore. I’ve been suffering for two years, and I don’t know if a master’s degree is worth it. This degree won’t make me happy—my depression brain says that nothing will, but I know that isn’t true. I wanted the MA so I could teach at a community college because that feels much closer to praxis than jerking off to Frantz Fanon until I get tenure, but I’m not even sure if I like teaching or if it was just the least of all evils I had to deal with as a grad student. (Lowkey, Fanon is probably the way to go if we’re jerking off to critical theorists, but I digress)
So Reddit, what do I do with my life? I’m a 25 year old burn out who 1) may have just lost their big shot at a slightly less worthless degree than the one they got in undergrad 2) just moved back in with their parents to a dead-end Midwest town 3) has few marketable skills and little job experience because they’ve been in academia hell for two years 4) has not had a relationship in even longer than that and 5) is generally a/pathetic.
Ending it isn’t on the table, so what do I do? Has anyone here gone through something like this? How can I rediscover my lust for life and letters? Where have you found your passion?
EDIT: forgot you needed two returns between paragraphs

Thinking about theology in 1 in the morning, something occured to me. There is a difference in the way that Catholicism and Protestantism think of sexuality.
Catholicism sees sexuality as fundamentally good. God created men and women, and set them up to form families and children, man with woman. Popes and bishops spend countless paragraphs of countless documents praising this divine plan. The divine plan is at the same time the natural plan, because God works through nature, as a primary cause working through secondary causes.
It occured to me that Protestantism doesn't do that, because of how central the role of original sin is to its view of human nature. Protestants generally do not treat nature, and particularly human nature, as something worth praising in itself, without the grace of God. Instead, we are given an emphasis on the sinfulness, debasement, brokenness of human nature, and as an extension of that, the inherent brokenness of human sexuality. The emphasis is not on God working through nature, but on God saving from nature.
This is why, when talking to well-meaning Protestants about gayness, one often hears them say "we are all broken", or that gayness is "just one sin among many".
This is in contrast to Catholics, to the popes and bishops who in their documents seem to have the attitude "let us just explain to you once again how glorious and wonderful nature is, and you'll be convinced that gayness is not the way to go, nor was it ever intended to be."
I find the Protestant view to be less unfair, in a way, even though it has its own problems, because under the Catholic view, gay/bi people have somehow missed the boat, and they are not participating in the amazing natural blessing of heterosexuality. A gay/bi person might start to consider (like I myself did) if under Catholicism I am some sort of cosmic mistake.
By contrast, the Protestant view can simply ignore this question of "who is and who isn't a cosmic mistake", because it answers we all are, apart from Jesus
Of course, conservative forms of Protestantism manage to botch their relationship to gay/bi people in their own way, mostly by obsessively taking out of context certain verses of the Bible. This is why I think conservative Catholics drive gay/bi people to despair using nature, while conservative Protestants drive them to despair using Scripture. They use different tools, which shows their different roots.
Thanks for reading!

Hello. This is my second time posting here, and I'm sorry if this is a repeat question!
I'm going to start applying for grad school in the fall and I need to start thinking about the type of master's degree I want to pursue (I don't think I want to continue to PhD).
I've been looking at programs and it looks like there are thesis and non-thesis based masters, and I'm confused on which one to purse. I want to go to research and design in industry, which would seemingly indicate that I should do the MS with thesis. However, the course-based MS degrees generally have more course requirements, and I feel like I would be entering industry with much more optics knowledge.
What other things should I consider when deciding between two different types of MS degrees.
TLDR: For RnD, should I pursue a course based or non-course based MS? Also, what questions should I be asking myself so I make this decision more clear?
Thank you and sorry for the long paragraph.

What follows is an opinion piece written by one SGI family and represents our--and only our--thoughts.
In Part 1 we discussed the "ideosphere" and how frightened we are as parents. How will it's current negativity shape the thinking of our small children as they grow up? What will be the effect of the deep divisions in thinking on the ideosphere? The extremes and bouncing around can't be good gor our kids. And the zero-sum gain perspectives that "I'm right and you're wrong, no need to talk"--that also will harm their development.
On the one hand, we don't want our children's minds darkened by the desperate agenda of a radicalized Left. On the other, we have a growing and anti-democratic MAGA Right that is equally worrisome. Where is the institutionalized Center? According to the political scientists Sam Rosenfeld and Daniel Schlozman, both political parties have become "hollow". The mainstream Democratic Party is described by them as "feckless" and its counterpart Republican Party is "chaotic."
This condition constitutes a systemic dysfunctional ideosphere. What lies at its root? What drives it? What are the precise mechanisms and gears that keep it pumping?
For the sake of contrast, let's look at the days of Walt Whitman. We start with his vision of an open democratic process. It was a way of life, thinking, and imagining. It permeated social, cultural, political, and individual realms. It was an ascendant and inevitable evolutionary force in human history. Under it people would flourish and develop virtue.
To actualize this vision he engaged in an unending battle of words. He tried to create engaged poetry that reflected his democratic vision. In For You O Democracy, he wrote about the spirit of togetherness and equality. In Song of Myself, he sang that democracy must include all people equally or it will fail. Democratic Vistas inspired readers that the purpose of democracy is to promote an individualism that allows great and brilliant people to shine. [The above two paragraphs are partially AI-generated.]
Six hundred years before Whitman, Nichiren envisioned a universe in which the social, natural, and individual realms were interconnected. In this conception, Nichiren viewed human agency as the animating force that could shape time, space, and destiny.
According to Nichiren, the root of dysfunction is the lack of foundational philosophies such as those he or Whitman proposed. In his treatise “On Establishing the Correct Teaching," Nichiren states:

"When a nation becomes disordered, it is the spirits that first show signs of rampancy. Because the spirits become rampant, all the people of the nation become disordered.” (WND-1, p. 8).

A time check. Today the nation is disordered. The spirits of the people are showing rampancy. Society is equally disordered.
Our family lives in 2.5 RVs conceived as a ”longhouse." They are situated in a remote patch of the woods at the edges of a small town. But we are rooted in Nichiren's grand philosophy of life brought to life by three amazing mentors and underlined by the accomplishments of millions of members who actualized them.
Our family is determined to contribute to build on this foundation and help formulate a new ideosphere.

hey, i'm 25+ nb. i have been writing for more than a decade. the genshin impact bug has bitten me, and i'd like to try and write some of my favorite characters again. i'm pretty specific in what ships i want to write, so i'm only open to cc x cc.
i consider myself fairly literate. i usually hit discord's word limit, or somewhere close. if you prefer shorter replies, as long as i have a few paragraphs to work with, we'll be good writing partners. if you're looking for someone who can be around to reply multiple times daily, i need to emphasize now: that will not be me. i type casually when discussing, but my replies are rarely lapslock unless that is your preference.
the ships i would like to write are: wanderer x dottore/childe, albedo x kaeya/aether, kaveh x alhaitham.
if you happen to have other (mxm) ships that include the italicized characters, hit me with them. i know i said i'm specific about what i want to write, but i'm willing to negotiate. if you're older than 23 and you're still interested, send me a message with your favorite color and an idea of what you're looking for. thank you very much!

TLDR; apparently my bad physical and mental health synergy lead to me to a life of absolute despair, I have tried EVERYTHING for years to leave opiates but it seems lmpossible.
My name is Mac. This is originally a letter I sent to my confident so there might be some missing context, feel free to ask.
Tramadol is THE mexican opiate and works the same way, its metabolized into morphine. I have had 2 nose surgeries to improve my breathing one of them was the worst physical pain Ive felt, thats when I tried opiates.
I suffer from chronic rhinitis so my inefficient breathing often causes nightmares and physical pain. Ive gotten as much professional help as possible, both mental and physical; as well ad therapy.
I want to write this "letter" to you as a means to try to stop bitching so frequently.
In the past 2 weeks ive had nothing but suicide and despair on my mind.
Miss M. my former best friend cant help me, she has something against rivotril even when I wasnt taking any and it was prescribed by every single doctor she thoght that was the root of all my problems, she doesnt get it, other friends just say I hope you get better and pretend everythings ok.
Every morning I wake up depressed to tears thinking lifes not worth it, I have to painfully get breakfast so I can a have a handful of pills, and feel a little better when tramadol and rivotril kicks in.
My liver, stomach and guts have cronic damage from years of abuse, ive also been taking medicine for that for years, I have to follow a very restrictive diet and yet I damage my liver more with sugar addiction because extreme anxiety.
Now that im back to rivotril im a lifeless zombie, its a sedative it prevents me from getting violent and from extreme anxiety but it doesnt allways work.
I take rivotril because its by far the strongest ansiolitic drug for anxiety out here, every doctor determined no other drug worked for me as even the strongest one struggled to regulate my depression and they didnt even try to adress adhd because depression was the priority.
Once the effects of rivotril wears out in a few hours its complete hell, panic, I want to break everything, I cut myself to release endorphines and adrenalin so I can think clearly and get out of the panic mode.
And its not small cut eithers, I grab a butchers knife and start chopping I have over 50 cuts in my arm and they would be a ton more if I had less self control.
This is considering I hate and fear blood.
https://youtu.be/_Gv-7yHScco?si=No03Ge1OiV7qukrD
This short 6 min video explains what tramadol does to me, it uses fentanyl as its example but everything she says applies to tramadol.
The problem is even if tramadol helps with depression and anxiety, and makes me feel like my breathing is perfect and I have no rhinitis/allergy, its not enough because my depression and anxiety get so bad I need even more serotonin than tramadol's alone (or my receptors to work? Idk the correct terminology).
Everytime I start feeling hopeless, out of desperation I take 1 or 2 more pills of tramadol several times a day, it almost never works as my body just feels bloated but I do it everytime regardless, my liver is saturated with chemicals already.
Bupropion is the most effective SSRI ive taken by far but I can hardly afford its cost and I generated tolerance for it so quick, my depression surpasses drugs very easily when it gets bad so im trying to learn to live with that.
The video suggests treatment with 2 drugs, methadone which is ultra illegal here ane buprenorphine which my penultimate doctor scammed me, he used indiscriminately to make me a heavy opiate addict and then dissapeared charging me tons of money. The heavy buprenorphine doses made me feel like a normal person after years, I was so sure it was going to work. I even returned to my basketball team.
The doctor after that gave me insane amounts of rivotril (12mg a day) and the side effects as mentioned above were devastating and even worse with this dosage, this also lead me to take some very bad decisions.
Ive also heard about this famous naltrexone which is legal, but every single doctor refused to use that method, idk why.
After that doctor I completely left rivotril quickly, then I left bupropion and tramadol for aproximately a month, but I could not take it...
I couldnt breath, I had panic and paranoia episodes stronger than ever before, I even had very distorted visions as if I had taken psychedelics. I crawled to the drugstore for tramadol and I was ok in a matter of minutes.
Even my brain seems to have taken some sort of "loss" as for my reading comprehension is much worse, I skip words, whole paragraphs and read words that arent there at all. This could be unrelated tho.
I just want not to feel terrible and there is nothing that helps me with that, in those moments I really wanns end it all and I feel so bad for my cats who can detect my emotions, my eldest one isnt as strong anymore to take all that negative energy.
My mom is more sick than me and my dad has a terminal illness, they cant take this, my friends are not prepared to deal with major disorders + physical illness, sometimes I feel saved by you, you helped me survive another day.
I just want to die, I think about suicide everyday I truly do but my cat and mom would die too, id completely ruin their lives and I cant do that to them, hopeless doesnt beggin to describe my absolute despair.
Expensive one hour session with my therapist, as good as she is, only goes so far, 1 houweek is way too few time, and lm surprised friends cant help, I dont rely on them anymore, they have 0 comprehension and all advice/solutions that arent worth shit.
I look like a normal person and sometimes my looks are above average, its impossible for people to tell im feeling like shit and often times they dont believe me because I look fine.
I lost my sports progress, I lost my job and I lost my will to live, I have extreme apathy I just dont feel like doing anything at all.
As a final note support groups have failed me in the past, they do work momentsrily but I find as soon as the effect wears off a lot of people end up worse than before, including me.

I perform readings by receiving images and by receiving “impressions”.
Do not send me anything that is identifying, no name tags or house numbers or anything that can be easily found online. If you have posted about your deceased loved one in the past, it’s best to make a throwaway account so you don’t have any doubts. This helps validate the experience.
I have noticed these sessions go better with your active participation. I can do zoom call or Reddit chat, please tell me what dates/times work.
I am offering my services as donation based. My Venmo/PayPal is linked in my profile. You get to decide how much you want to pay for this service. Donating helps me to continue to offer my services and justifies the time spent on them and the mental energy. Time is limited to 30 minutes.
What to expect: I will require one photo of the deceased with no other information. I will send you a message with 2+ paragraphs about the person. You can ask questions afterwards. It should be clear that I am speaking with the correct person based on what I write to you.
If I have multiple reading requests it may take me several days to respond to you. I typically limit myself to 3 readings per night.
I am also able to do a psychic reading if you would like insight on certain parts of your life, please let me know if interested!
Reviews: https://www.reddit.commmary92/s/8mQsKXuGNO

https://www.reddit.com/scientology/s/c0npBAYUOV
You last paragraph is correct. There is potential that the information on audits itself is simply a guise to be an "insert" in order to teach other scientologist about inserts and about their game of meaning the opposite of what they say.
In the scientology church that I visited years ago, they did have an extensive library and would not allow me to view the auditors books. I also declined the audit they offered initially and haven't been audited myself.
It is a huge project, and may even be connected to other secret cliques and combinations that there is public evidence pointing towards them being involved as well. I haven't read much on conspiracies and such for the past two years due to personal choice to evade these things for personal reasons. But after the eclipse they began focusing on me again and exposed their own patterns because they didn't realize the logic I gained.
Thank you for this discourse and I look forward to your response. You only asked for clarification and hopefully I have provided it.

I realized recently that I kind of use Reddit as a diary. The place to share things that I wouldn't normally be able to and reflect on what I have been through.
So welcome to my mind I guess, and I find someone talkative and animated amazingly attractive. I've had a problem on here recently of people barely talking to me after they reach out, and I have to wonder what the point of online dating is if you barely say a word while the other says everything else.
I'll write 3 full paragraphs and get "Oh okay that's cool" and nothing else.
GIVE ME DETAILS GIRL :D
It's honestly super important to me because on the talkative and extroverted scale I am very high up and basically spend all day just trying to experience new things and talk to people where I can.
I absolutely LIVE for a good conversation and find myself growing stressed and bent out of shape if I find myself isolated. I often annoy or overwhelm quieter, more shy folks so I want someone to match my energy and have the type of relationship where we stay up until 3 in the morning doing absolutely nothing but sharing stories and flirting when you find a real connection.
Everything you have to say to me would be important even the most mundane of stories and you would be my priority.
I wouldn't call myself clingy and I realize you have a life, I don't want to know what you're up to all the time and I won't keep tabs on you. But realize I genuinely care about what you're life is like, and find great joy in spending time with someone and if you can't make time for that then what's the point of being together?
Maybe I just want someone to adore me as much as I adore them. Someone I can build a future with and gives me motivation and happiness.
I don't really have an idea of what you would look like. I don't really have a "type" whereas most men seem to have a list of traits their ideal woman should have like a coffee drink or something. Hair color, eye color, and nationality never mattered to me though I do find shorter women more attractive (I am six feet tall myself). Hopefully you're not old enough to be my mother or so young it would be creepy.
I want to slow down and relax with someone and be stupid together. Go out and explore the world because shared experiences are always so much more special in my memories than ones where I was alone.
I've been working too hard and been too on my own lately so I dare you to make me stop and think for a moment.
I got time I promise.

If you are thinking about working at or if you are thinking about donating to Faith Comes By Hearing/Hosanna [https://www.faithcomesbyhearing.com](https://www.faithcomesbyhearing.com/) you should consider the following. Having worked at Faith Comes By Hearing myself for decades, you should be aware of their culture and ideology. (Arranged from most important to least.)
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\*Treatment of the Bible:
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Grammatical, historical and cultural context as well as literary genre are all ignored by top management. So, Scripture is often misquoted and misused:
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Ignoring basic, common sense guidelines, rules for interpreting the Bible results in misinterpreting, misunderstanding, and misapplying the Bible. Management ignores the fact that observation (what the text says) must always come before interpretation (what the text means); and interpretation always comes before application (how the text applies to me). They do not consider the Bible text objectively first: They treat the text subjectively or relatively or assume what the passage text means. And they ignore the fact that a text cannot mean today what it never could have meant to the original authors and original readers. Exegesis is often contrasted with “eisegesis”; the Greek preposition εἰς means “into,” and hence eisegesis means reading your own meaning into the text. Bible study is not reading your personal theology into some biblical passage. Bible study is letting the text talk to us; we are the listeners, not the talkers. Many Christians just want to know what the Bible “means to me.” If you stop to think about it, this just is not possible. We must do the hard work of learning the author’s original meaning first, and without that we can’t ever know “what it means to me.” A text cannot mean what it never meant.
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\*Feelings and experiences rule:
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There is a focus by top management on personal experiences and feelings instead of a studied period of reflection: Emotional, simple, popular teaching instead of intellectually careful and doctrinally precise teaching. Bible studies go straight to the question, “What does this passage mean to me?” while bypassing the prior question, “What does the passage say and why do I think my interpretation is correct?” Management promotes and allows employees to get away with applying an understanding of a passage that is based on vague feelings or first impressions and not on the hard work of reading the context, verifying with commentaries and using study tools such as concordances, Bible dictionaries, and the like because a careful exercise of reason is not important in understanding what the Bible actually says for management. Besides, it takes work! For management, Christianity is identified with subjective feelings, sincere motives, personal piety, and blind faith. Management tests the truth not by a careful application of our God-given faculties of thought, or even by biblical mandates (for example, 2 Corinthians 10:5), but rather by private subjective experiences. For the most part, theoretical reason is just not part of the culture at FCBH. In fact, top management will often spiritualizing normal, everyday things like advice, facts, common knowledge:
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Example during a meeting, the CEO said he saw a full moon, then clouds formed & covered the moon, then clouds dissipated. He then said he felt God say: "I can turn nothing into something; something into nothing; turn this ministry into something & if it goes thick & blocks Jesus; it has to diminish.”
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So, personal, subjective experiences that top management shares equals truth that employees must agree with or at least accept as true.
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Also, time is money, but management uses their mandatory meetings to discuss controversial or complex topics (e.g., fasting, communion, tithing, personal stewardship of money, helping the homeless, how to create more interaction with remote workers, how to retain employees, how to hire more Gen Z employees, past trauma), most of which are unrelated to the actual work. Then they ask employees (most of which have no authority to get things changed/done) what their opinion is about the controversial or complex topic, instead of consulting with professionals or experts.
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So, top management will read a bible verse (not a paragraph, not a chapter, a verse; usually out of context) using a version of the Bible that is almost a paraphrase. Then share something personal that happened to them, something they did or saw or experienced or a personal conviction that is not related to the verse. Then explain how they felt about it, how they interpreted it. Then they will ask employees (especially internationals) to share similar experiences. And, then if no one shares or comments or speaks, management makes employees feel guilty: Along the lines of “So, God is not working in your life?”
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Example: “I felt God give me this verse about gossip. Let me share with you some personal stories about gossip…. This is how I see it. Now, in the last 5 min of our time, I want people to share. I especially want input from internationals. Does anyone have anything to say about this? No, one? Is God not speaking to you? How can God not be moving and speaking? This is unreal….”
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Top management will often use a reader response or subjective biblical interpretation: “This is what I think this verse means. What do you think this verse means? What stood out to you? What did you learn? What is God asking you to apply?” This is a very self-centered way to interpret Scripture. The focus is all about you. What you think. What you feel. But, “The Bible is not about you.” - Timothy Keller. And this leads to people looking at the same verse and coming up with completely different interpretations. Everybody seems to have an opinion on what the Bible says/teaches.
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So, instead of discovering what the original author said to the original readers. They will take Biblical concepts (e.g., called to ministry; felt led by the Spirit; God spoke to me; felt peace) and then add new meanings to them which the original author did not intend. This is dangerous since it leaves employees with doubt, disillusionment, disappointment, discouragement, and false hope and can leave them with unmet, unrealistic, and false expectations. Top management will also take subjective, unclear biblical principles or non-essentials, or personal convictions and make them scriptural authority and then judge other Christians who do not agree. They will treat the Proverbs as promises. They will also not make an effort to distinguish between Biblical principles and practices which are relative, time bound, culturally subjective, Biblically illustrated (not commanded). They will often make hasty generalizations. They will beg the question. They will commit special pleading, dictionary simpliciter, reductive, faulty analogy and many other fallacies. They will also allegorize promises in Scripture and spiritualize all principles. They assume that all historical narratives have individual identifiable moral application. God’s word should be taught clearly, not in a distorted manner. Top management will proof text and use religious words to promote their agenda.
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And top management will encourage others to have this view/philosophy of Bible interpretation. Many incorrectly interpret the Bible and do not even realize it.
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I pray to God that this bad method of interpretation is not being taught to internationals, to people who have never had bibles, who do not have biblical discernment, who don't know any better.
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\*Inductive Bible study and internationals:
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Hermeneutics has been defined as the science and art of biblical interpretation. Hermeneutics helps us understand the Bible. It is a science because there are specific rules the interpreter must follow. It is an art because it takes years of practice to develop the ability to employ those rules properly. There is a difference between a novice and a seasoned interpreter. Hermeneutics has two basic steps, finding what the text meant to its original audience, and then seeing how it applies to our current situation. Unfortunately, many people (Americans included), impose their own personal experiences, theology, and modern culture on to the Biblical text.
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Fortunately, God has allowed us (especially Americans) to have Bible dictionaries, commentaries, handbooks, atlases, etc., to help us with correct hermeneutics, to understand the essential historical and cultural information - the context of the original author and readers of the Bible. We have tools that shed light on the text and help us to arrive at the correct interpretation. When you read a commentary, it will provide checks and balances against your possible mistakes. They can answer questions that a reading of the text can never provide or ask questions that you may never think of asking. Unfortunately, many international people groups do not have access to these tools (or even access to mature, trained, and experienced Christians and pastors). And even if they do have access to resources, they may not know how to use them properly (i.e., limitations of commentaries).
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Grammatical-Historical Method or Inductive Bible study can easily be done with printed or digital Bibles. But how can a person do this with audio and video Bibles? This is critical especially for international people groups that do not have access to (and may never have) print Bibles.
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False gospels and heresies are popular in illiterate people groups because they are not taught discernment or how to evaluate Scripture and the thoughts of others for themselves. People with ulterior motives misuse Scripture and end up influencing the illiterate.
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If these Bible Films and audio Bibles are considered to be actual Bible Translations – video and audio translations of the Bible and the equivalent to and sometimes a replacement for print scripture – then should we also make it a point to teach people who are watching and listening to our video and audio Bible translations Biblical hermeneutics (historical-grammatical interpretation)? How to study the Bible properly for themselves?
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My experience has been that many non-Christians (and Christians) misquote or misinterpret the Bible because they do not know how to actually read and study it on their own to find out what the text actually meant to the original author and audience and seeing how it applies to their current situation.
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There are many ways to study the Bible, and there are many excellent study aids available to help you with specific books of the Bible. But the most important thing you need to remember is that to find out what the Bible says, you need to read it yourself in a way that will help you discover what it says, what it means, and how you are to apply it to your life. And the best way to do this is through the process called inductive study. Inductive study doesn’t tell you what the Bible means or what you should believe. Instead, it teaches you a method of studying God’s Word that can be applied to any portion of Scripture at any time.
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Inductive Bible study draws you into personal interaction with the Scripture and thus with the God of the Scriptures so that your beliefs are based on a prayerful understanding and legitimate interpretation of Scripture.
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\*Artistic freedom concerns:
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Another concern is with the artistic freedom or personal preference when it comes to audio and video Bible media (when these function as replacements for print Scripture). How much can be taken before you compromise the historical accuracy or the meaning and understanding of the original message? A good translation must be faithful to the historical situation and not change the cultural background. In Bible Translation, the translator’s first job is to study the text carefully to discover the correct meaning (what the original author wanted to communicate). Do international people groups understand that the “artistic freedom” (e.g., how the film is lit, the key shots, angles it shoots from, close-ups, point of view, sets, locations and props, editing, the dialogue and the actors’ performance and emotions, wardrobe choices, soundtrack, visual transitions, reference shots), the visuals and sound, are all NOT inspired?
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Biblical and Orthodox Christianity teaches that All Scripture (not just some) is inspired by God who utilized the human element within man to accomplish this without error.The very WORDS (not just the ideas, even parts of letters, and sometimes the tense of verbs) are a result of the mind of God expressed in human terms and conditions. The Bible IS fully true in all that it teaches or asserts to be true (including historical and scientific matters). Only the original documents (autographs) are completely free from error. Does FCBH make an effort to explain this to people groups? If not, then there will be conflict when the visuals and sounds that are added do not match the Biblical text. There will be confusion, doubt, disillusionment, disappointment, discouragement, false hope when people are confronted with unmet, unrealistic, and false expectations.
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So, using audio and especially video as Bibles should come with some teaching of the basic principles of film criticism, the doctrine of inspiration (difference between artistic freedom and the Word of God), and inductive Bible study or Bible interpretation.
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\*Communicating the truth:
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They employ a presuppositional and fideistic/experiential approach to evangelism: In the many testimonies that are shared, many of the people who receive the audio bibles say they believe in Jesus because FCBH gave them bibles that are in their native language. Makes you wonder what would happen if the audio was from the Quran or book of Mormon. Would they believe in anything as long as it was in their own language? FCBH does not seem to make sure people are actually believing facts. There seems to be no appeals to evidence and reason for the truthfulness of the Christianity. One should become a Christian and believe that Jesus is God because it is true (from reason, historical evidence, archaeological evidence, theistic arguments) and not because the Bible one reads is in a certain language. You should follow Jesus because He is God and proved it; not because He speaks your language.
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\*Hearing from God?
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Many in management practice “hearing from God” and then claim God said something specific and personal to them and to the ministry. This practice uses God's name in vain. And often use God to avoid personal responsibility - “I heard from God; God told me; I felt led; God spoke to me…” They then put what happens on God, so they avoid any personal responsibility if it does not come to pass. They make Christianity out to be personal, private, and a matter of “how I feel about things.” Many Christians actually feel spiritually sub-standard and defeated because for them “the heavens have been silent”. This can be debilitating, and it’s profoundly unfair to employees if their only shortcoming is entertaining a false expectation of what a relationship with God entails. Conversations are often littered with casual references to one’s latest revelations without any sense of the gravity of the assertion, or any sense of responsibility to justify the claim. Even Jesus Himself didn’t presume to speak for God without compelling evidence. But, management takes personal opinions and spiritualize them as if they were God’s word to give divine authority to impulses or thoughts that drift through their minds. To say “God is telling me” gives feelings an authority the Scripture does not justify and virtually ends debate. You can’t argue with the person if God supposedly gave the command. Trusting inner feelings is not biblical. It’s confusing at best, and dangerous at worst.
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And with certain requests from employees, when top management does not want to do something, they will respond by saying things like: “I need to pray about it first. Sorry, I do not feel led. I need to get confirmation first. I need to have peace about it first. I need to hear from God first.” But with other things, with things they want to do, they do not need to pray about it first, do not need to feel led, do not need to get confirmation first, do not need to have a peace about it first, do not need to hear from God first. When management does not want to do something, they pass the responsibility off to God (“We cannot…. because God didn’t tell us to do it. Didn't get confirmation.”); but when they do want to do something, they don't seek God and do what they want (“We have decided and are going to… and we don’t need to ask God for guidance or permission”).

• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.

1. Either agender and/or pangender. I’m also either asexual and/or pansexual. I live comfortably alone but have a decent number of friends that I maintain communications with. Onlookers seem to believe I am dating all of them (not all at once but individually depending on which one I am “closest” to), which I take to mean that I apply no distinction between a friend and a partner (which I can agree with), hence the asexual/pansexual duality. Not really sure what this has to do with typing but there's a description.

• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
Yes.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
I had a whole paragraph here but I realised it was probably very NSFW so I've decided to remove this part.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I’m an engineer, a mix of both hardware and software. I like the work of my job, but I don’t care much for the job or career part of it. I don’t have any career ambitions and would rather just learn the skills that the work can provide me and then move on to becoming entirely self-sufficient and only working for myself. I don’t think it's the other people aspect I dislike here as such, more the lack of independence and control over how I spend my time. That said, it’s worth it to live on my own two feet away from disturbances in the house.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
I know I would be completely fine, as I do this regularly. I don’t think I feel lonely nor refreshed. I generally have plenty to do with my time and find ways to occupy myself, even if that involves doing nothing and resting. If I’m interested in someone's thoughts or feelings on a topic I will just message them without issue and I usually do this once or twice a day, but there are many occasions in which I will just be focused on doing my own thing and won’t have contacted anyone.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I do all kinds of activities, from reading to games to sports. I’m very good at sports and enjoy them, but I usually choose to stay inside over doing them. I think to an onlooker a lot of my activities could look more like work than fun, but I get fun out of them. You would be most likely to find me (or not) inside reading some kind of research paper or building a machine. If not that then you’d find me playing a single player RPG/sandbox style game and if not that then you’d probably find me meditating/introspecting. You’d probably only find me outside playing sports if I’d been asked to by a friend.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
Very curious. I research just about everything in depth and if I had free time I would research even more. It’s become something of an inside joke at work that I will come in and have some kind of new theory or discovery to share with the office about some random topic that has nothing to do with the last. I don’t think I have more ideas than I can execute, it's more that I have more ideas than I do execute. I’m actually not a very ambitious person despite my insatiable curiosity, so there are many occasions where I will do nothing at all. Aside from the theories I create from whatever information/topic I have been researching, most of the ideas I present to others are to do with having fun. I often create small games using the objects we have in our environment (like playing cards or checkers pieces) on the spot, improvising the rules as we go along DnD style. I actually was invited to play DnD once with a friend group but I was something of a nightmare of a player since I would come up with completely outlandish ideas that the DM couldn’t handle. I was never invited to a session again after that.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
Being a leader isn’t tied to my self identity at all, but it does seem to be the impression other people get about me. I have been told several times that I would make a good cult leader (concerningly) and that I always seem to end up in charge of a situation. I don’t really do this on purpose but a lot of the time I am the only one who will speak up and start moving a group forward when we are in a situation that calls for it. I have been told that I am quite a diplomatic leader that makes sure people get along, have something to do and feel supported. That said, I personally don’t like telling people what they should value. I am of the belief that it is their own choice to decide that. I will however help people by telling them the actions they could take in line with those chosen values. I also think conflict is quite important and I will only try to keep the conflict civil without ending it until both parties are satisfied and have conveyed everything they wish to. This also includes conflict with me, I dislike “sweeping things under the rug”.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
I think I am. I often feel as though my entire body is under my control and I am very intune with any physical sensations. I fear being paralyzed or losing mental integrity. This is the reason I avoid dangerous and reckless behavior that could result in losing control of my mind or body. I will not partake in highly “extreme” sports such as free climbing and I will not consume any kind of drugs to an extent that it affects my mental state, including alcohol.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particularly artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forms of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I’m not actually sure. I like writing stories and drawing, but I wouldn’t consider myself an artist. I am very interested in art and have been learning how to properly paint and create music on and off for a while now. I think it's probably similar to sports in the sense that I enjoy it but rarely choose it over another activity. I don’t really enjoy going to art museums, I find art to be subjective so interacting with it from such an objective standpoint disinterests me. A lot of my friends are artists and I support them in their endeavors.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
I don’t think about the past much unless I actively make myself do so to search for something there. I am very in tune with the present and am constantly looking out for dangers in my environment and observing people, but it's not my main way of thinking. I am almost always thinking about the future, both in terms of potential futures as well as what future I am aiming for. I have some trouble deciding on a future to aim for since all of the options seem so appealing and I don’t particularly want to close any of them off. There is a part of me that wishes I was immortal so that I could experience as much of everything as possible. This is probably also the part of me that likes stories and hearing the experiences of others since I get to understand a whole other world with its own futures in such a short amount of time.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
I will help immediately. I’m not entirely sure why but I imagine it has something to do with me enjoying solving problems, whether that problem is mine or anothers. I have largely minimized my worldly connections and needs so I often appear to “go out of my way” to help others even if it appears like it's sacrificial to myself. I don’t find it sacrificial to myself at all. I don’t need anything to be comfortable, it’s all just building upon that initial comfort as a kind of “excess” or “abundance”. I could lose everything I own tomorrow and be absolutely fine. All of this to say, I don’t sacrifice myself for others, I just help them most likely because I enjoy it. I do not consider myself a “good” person for doing this, in fact I do not really believe in the concept of good or evil at all.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
I think the fact that I immediately thought both yes and no for this question points to me not needing it. I certainly try to be logically consistent, but it's not the end of the world if I’m not. I think it's more important to me that I not be in denial about it.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
I do aim for efficiency but it’s not very important to me. While I do want to make the most of my time in this life, if I don’t feel like doing anything then I won’t. I’m comfortable with being unproductive and “lazy” for as long as I like.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
I think I’m indirectly controlling. I don’t use force to control people (at least not anymore), I’m more inclined to engineer the circumstances of a situation in a way that results in people choosing to move in one of the ways that I want them to. Nobody has told me I am controlling, nor do they seem to feel they are being controlled. I don’t really do this intentionally, it just ends up being the path that I go down based on the options I have available (perhaps I am being controlled by something as well?). I’m not sure why I do this but if I had to guess it would be to protect myself and others from being hurt, after all you can’t be hurt if the option isn’t even available.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
See activities. My topics of interest are usually to do with people, nature or technology.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
I teach myself things. I always seem to find teachers/tutors intellectually suffocating. Outside of that I take any form of information possible.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I break tasks down instinctively. I do like to plan out the whole project before I start but I have no problem deviating from the plan and improvising if I think of something I like the sound of more. This usually results in the finished project looking very different from the plan and taking longer than it could have.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
None really. I’m content with just existing. However, in terms of what I choose to pursue it would be perfection in all fields, having all knowledge and having experienced everything, as well as transmitting this perfection to everyone else so that they stand beside me. More realistically, I’m trying to buy some land and build a community so that as many people are under my direct protection and responsibility as possible. The world has many powerful people that are looking to exploit the innocent solely for their own gain. I’m not expecting a utopia but I would hope it would be more comfortable for people to live in than the insecurity of greater society. It’s nice to think of spending the rest of my days with this small community.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
As mentioned earlier, I fear losing autonomy of my body and mind. I think I would still be comfortable in this state as I would get used to it but I actively avoid it coming to pass. I don’t think I hate anything, I don’t think in black and white. I’m not even sure I think in shades of gray, it seems more like the whole spectrum of color to me. I mentioned I don’t really believe in good or evil. In the event that someone is judged as evil by the world I can easily look at them and find just as many things people would find good. Does this make me endlessly accommodating of the actions of others? Certainly not. It’s just a matter of managing a conflict of interests, which is not something I struggle with.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
I can’t really think of anything that would fit a “high”. I think the closest thing would be my family and my friends. I’m not sure why they are what comes to mind. I mentioned before that I would be comfortable with losing everything I own since I have discarded worldly attachment, but for some reason when I think of losing people it's not such an easy answer.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
There was a time just after I had graduated high school and before I had moved out that I was highly depressed. I lacked any kind of purpose or direction in life and thought that I should have it. I also felt immense guilt over the harm I had caused throughout my school life. I believed that I should hide myself away from all life so that I never had the choice to take those actions again. It took me over a year living in this state to finally pull myself out of it. I discarded my need for a purpose or a direction and I discarded the need to be forgiven for the past so that I could live a new life. I discarded any other need that I could find as it is when a need is unmet that you enter a victim mindset, which is a mindset that I really want to avoid in me.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I’m not attached to reality at all. I daydream very often but I do pay close attention to my surroundings while I do so. I think having extremely sensitive senses helps with this. I have quite a vibrant and detailed imaginary world.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I would think about the same things I do as I fall asleep. In other words, I’d just daydream about hypotheticals and the future. Possibly not the future in this case as there might not be one but I imagine I’d be able to entertain myself endlessly in my head.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I think of myself as having 3 decision makers. My rational mind, my sensory body/gut and my emotional heart. If all 3 are in agreement, I am able to make a decision very quickly. If 2 are in agreement, I will take longer to weigh up the options before I choose as often they will end up in agreement after I have thought it through. I will do the same if none are in agreement. In the event that they still can’t come to a unanimous decision I will flip a coin or roll a dice and go with the option that picks. I do this no matter how “important” the decision is.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
Apparently I don’t feel emotions in the way other people do (at least according to the people I’ve spoken to about this). I tend to recognise emotions through the bodily sensations they apply to my body, for example, I can tell if I'm angry by my body feeling hot and my jaw feeling tense. With reference to my 3 decision makers, this means I can only figure out what my heart is telling me by going through my body. In chaotic or highly sensory situations where there is not enough time or space to recognise what I am feeling, it’s as though I am not feeling any emotion at all. I tend to think they are just as important as the other 2 decision makers when deciding things, as emotions are the basis for deciding what you value. If you don’t know what you value, you can’t determine what the best actions are for you to take according to those values, which results in nihilism. I think people would be surprised to learn that I consider emotions important. I have an almost entirely inexpressive face and a monotone voice which has resulted in me being called a robot quite often. In the times that I do have an expression, it is usually fake and done to make the other person feel more comfortable.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
No. If I want to keep the conversation going then I will intentionally disagree with them to see how far they can take their opinion and understand it better. If I disagree with someone, I will inform them of my perspective. I do not wish for them to agree with me to “appease” me, although I will understand if they make that choice. I want them to inform me of their whole perspective so that I can understand it. If they can convince me after all this, then I will truly agree with them. This is not always the case though, I can imagine times that I would pretend to agree with someone, but it would have to be “worth” it.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
I don’t think rules are set in stone. If I disagree with a rule and there are no meaningful consequences, then the rule may as well not exist for me. I make no comments on others' takes on that. I will challenge authority any time I want to. Whether or not they “should” be challenged depends on what you value in an authority, but for my case the answer is yes they should be. In the event I am an authority I would want to be challenged, it would be both an opportunity to test my ability as well as to exchange information with people.

Tomorrow's the History exam, and instead of revising and helping myself, I'm doing it for you guys as I have been seeing a lot of memes of people saying they're cooked. I don't want any of y'all to fail so here's how to answer every question on the AQA paper, specifically Germany and Asia as I know quite a lot of schools do these topics. I'm sorry for y'all who do different topics, this is what I do sooo...
Section A: (Germany - Democracy and Dictatorship)
(4) HOW do the interpretations differ?

• Aim to make 2 differences (so you'll need 2 quotes for each source).
• Include content, NOT provenance.
• Refer to the interpretations, using brief quotes.
• Back points up using your own knowledge. The marks are for identifying key differences in each interpretation of an event/idea..
• You don't need a lot of your own knowledge, literally only use what's in the question by comparing quotes. You can literally get full marks by not including your knowledge. It saves you time as well

(4) WHY do they differ?

• Again make 2 points for each source.
• Refer only to the provenance, NOT content (the provenance is the description of the source that gives context to the source).
• Back up points using your own knowledge. In order to get full marks, you have to refer to the origin of each interpretation (when it was written, who wrote it etc.) and use that to identify the agenda of the person writing it in order to explain why the two interpretations demonstrate differing opinions. Back this up with historical context.
• So 2 points relating to provenance in each source (4 in total) while backing it up with your knowledge.

(8) Which is more CONVINCING?

• Needs a paragraph on each interpretation and a conclusion comparing them.
• Refer to content only.
• Pick out 2 points from each source (4 in total) while backing them up with your own knowledge. Lots of your own knowledge.
• To secure full marks, make sure you have a nice little argument at the end that compares the source and their usefulness.

(4) Describe two problems... The question will ask you to describe two problems/challenges etc. facing, for example, Kaiser Wilhelm II in 1914.
Basically, problem 1: why was it a problem(own knowledge to link back to the question)
problem 2: why was it a problem
That's it. It's only four marks.
(8) In what ways did X change due to Y?

• Give approximately three changes, separated out into individual paragraphs.
• For each change, state what caused it and then explain how this led to the changes.
• Remember to include COMPLEXITY in your argument (e.g. did it affect one group more than others?)
• Always relate back to the question.
• Include plenty of own knowledge.

(12) Which of the following was the more important reason why....

• Give an introduction in which you state your argument.
• In each paragraph, explain why the factor was important. Remember to constantly link back to the question.
• Include a comparative judgement in each paragraph.
• Include lots of own knowledge to support each statement.
• For full marks, include a conclusion that draws together your points.

Section B: (Conflict and Tension, 1945-1972)
(4) 'How do you know?' - Source question

• Aim to make at least 2 points.
• Refer to content and provenance in your answer.
• Include own knowledge. You are being asked to explain how the source illustrates a certain viewpoint; identify content in the source that demonstrates a particular agenda and use your own knowledge to then link back to the question. You can also do this using the provenance of the source, by explaining why the person who created it would support the idea in the questiom.

(12) Which source is more useful?

• Make points on the provenance of the source and points on its content for each.
• Back up your points using own knowledge.
• Include a conclusion in which you analyse the utility of the sources together (as a set) as well as explaining which is the most useful. This is a utility question, so if a source appears to show bias, this is probably a positive thing. In fact, if it highlights the views of a certain group about an issue, it is probably more useful in explaining it; the question is likely to involve two sources with differing opinions that are useful together as they show how a concept/organisation was viewed by different people and how it affected them. (This is especially the case for the Cold War unit.)

(8) Write an account of how X led to Y. What you must NOT do is give a step-by-step recollection of an event - the question asks you to explain how it led to something else so you have to relate it to this at every stage of yours response

• Detail around 3 events and order them chronologically.
• Describe each event briefly before explaining how it led to the factor in the question.
• Include lots of own knowledge.
• Do NOT include an introduction or conclusion.

(16+4) The Factors Question ! Make sure you have enough time for this at the end of your paper - about a quarter of the total marks could be lost automatically if you don't. You have to choose two or three other factors to compare with the given one.

• State your argument in your introduction.
• Your first paragraph should be about the factor in the question followed by the one you believe is the most important.
• For each paragraph, explain how that factor is important to the idea expressed in the question, using lots of own knowledge to back it up.
• Include a comparative judgement in each paragraph.
• End with a strong conclusion that draws together your main points. Remember to include a complex argument.

Good luck on tomorrow, I know you will smash it!

Here are some paragraphs for ya buddy
I just walked out on my first ever sous chef position. Contemplating leaving the industry.
I am 25. I grew up in a family who owned and operated pizzerias in NY. I had started working on the register when I was 13 and started summer jobs as a bussehost when I was 14. The restaurants I worked FOH were 4-star high end (worked for 3). I have also always had a serious passion for cooking. When I was 18 I moved out of my home and began working for a dairy farm, then transitioned to a smoothie/salad/vegan gluten-free oriented place (19-21). I was a manager making specials like gf desserts, ready-to-eat salads, and also worked on their equivalent of a “line”. It was not refined whatsoever, clean, simple food. Did that for 2 years. Then quit during Covid after having tremendous stress, after helping reorient the entire business to be more grocery-focused as we had a storefront with organic, superfood tonics, meats, plant-based stuff, etc. I had issues with the kitchen manager as she treated me differently than the other staff.
I immediately applied for a junior sous position at a restaurant that was upscale dining, and after a trial day they were willing to train me on garde manger. I worked there and trained under two very capable chefs who were willing to teach me everything. One 36m another 29m who was actually head chef. I moved my way up to the hotline after a year and a half and was enjoying the job, environment, and coworkers, and we would do about 200 covers a night in the summer. I carried on with the company for another year even after my head chef gave a month's notice and took a much better more cdc job for a larger more high-end company. I took on more responsibilities and finally decided I had reached my ceiling of learning from that restaurant and I wanted to move overseas to broaden my skillset and resume but felt like I picked the wrong country/restaurants as the food was not on par even with the smoothie salad place I started at.
I moved home a year later (2024) and was offered by my now cdc chef, the same one who trained me and really vouched for me. I executed a 7-course tasting for the first time ever, dishes ranging from quiche, to pork chop, sole (which I had never cooked before), chicken pot pie, croquettes, salad, basque cheesecake, I made my own stock even, and I had a day of prep and the following day to plate. I landed the job over 4 other people. It was for a “family-oriented” but upscale bistro as it was on Main Street in a very affluent town in NY. We have investors, had a full reno as the spot had been a local favorite for 30 years and recently sold. We lost a lot of time we were supposed to be in the kitchen and the prospective opening day was for May 3rd. It got pushed back to the 10th, friends and family on the 7th and 8th, training of staff was on the 5th and 6th, while simultaneously doing recipe testing with chefs that had been brought in from other existing locations.
Unbeknownst to my cdc, the investor, and restaurant owner, they hired a head chef from NYC that made good food, but could not complete 95% of tasks that were crucial to opening a restaurant, onboarding employees, understanding the kind of volume our town does in summer, actually cooking volume, properly executing recipes, having any recipes of his own that weren’t fresh off Google. He said he spoke Spanish and then couldn’t communicate to our staff which were all Hispanic spare 1 line cook I hired and used to work with at my first job. The wastage was off the charts, he couldn’t do inventory properly, and spent half of the time speaking constantly and ignoring everyone thinking he’s “working hard”. I took it upon myself to try and execute recipes I had 3 days to learn, make stocks, train employees, and learn how to schedule, organize a kitchen from the top down, clean the kitchen after a full reno, and my cdc and the business owner kept assuring me it was not my fault that things were going sideways and that the head chef was completely incompetent and they were actively looking for a replacement.
I couldn’t keep up with the prep as hard as I tried, the walk-in was a disaster. It felt like every time I organized it my head chef would receive an order and do things like put raw chicken on top of produce. I found cheeses on shelves and raw ground beef in dry storage left out overnight because of him. He would just constantly talk and talk about everything and nothing, call me in the off hours to talk about a tart mold that he wanted to make in-house for 2 hours. He mentioned things I could do to lose weight, and it was just constant stimulation leading up to the actual opening and during. All the while he would delegate every single one of the more complex recipe tasks to our untrained employees (sauce work, chopping herbs for garnish, cutting salmon, and tuna for line and for Tartares) and I felt obligated to try and pick up as much of his slack.
If I’m being realistic, as much as the owner and former cdc who hired me believed in me, I still had a lot of refinement to do in my skillset. I have very shaky hands by nature so my knife skills leave a lot to be desired. Also, I can’t just bang out a beurre blanc or mornay without thinking about it. I still have to watch and follow a recipe a few times to get the hang of it even though I understand the principles well. I anticipated a balance between my head chef and me and direction. The worst part is, he would agree to certain tasks and I was the only one trying to organize our flow of prep, made a detailed prep list because his made absolutely no sense, and we would split tasks. I’d execute mine, and he would spend 4 hours chopping mushrooms and par-cooking them even though the pickup was raw as per the owner and cdc.
It was absolutely maddening. I started having breakdowns every day after work, NEVER on site; even went to a psychiatrist in between one of our friends and family days to get the non-narcotic equivalent of Xanax. I ended up walking out yesterday (13th). More like called and said I wasn’t coming back after my first day off in a week of straight 14-hour days constantly trying to pick up the pieces my head chef left behind. I have never walked out of a job. But now after all of this, I am questioning whether I will ever be able to have a management position in the kitchen. Asking myself, did I progress too quickly? Am I just not capable? Have I completely exhausted myself in the kitchen? Also, I am sober spare nicotine which I consume like an absolute fiend right now.
Any insight is appreciated. Please feel free to ask for more context as this is quite the ramble. Also, I have photos for reference of the food I’ve cooked over the years.

Hiya guys!
Recently, I’ve been thinking about a pretty fun RP idea. Who doesn’t like a long-term RP, in which you can follow a character through different stages of their live and experience their thriumphs, heartbreak, and everything in between. In this RP, we would be following our characters both when they were younger, and now that they’re older. We can do this either in chronological order, or we can switch back and forth - whatever you prefer!
This RP will mostly be a character-driven story, following our characters in their day-to-day life without any specific plot. I want to see where things are headed solely through the way in which the characters interact together. Though I’d love the plot to be mostly romance based, I don’t mind straying away from that to explore some of the inner workings of both of our characters. I’d like a partner that enjoys crafting an intricate and interesting backstory for their character, as that will be the main focus of this RP. If that’s something you enjoy, I think we might be a perfect match!
I have a bunch of character in my library that I would love to be able to use for a plot like this! Just shoot me a message and I’d be more than down to show some of them off :)

• I genuinely enjoy the writing process, and as a result my posts can often exceed (at least) 500 words. I’d like a partner that is able to hit at least a paragraph per post, and is at least somewhat detailed. Please don’t be scared off if you’re not able to hit a specific word target, I’m fine with anything really, if my partner at least puts in some effort.
• OC’s only, and I enjoy using realistic faceclaims.
• I can play both male and female characters.
• I’m 22 myself (from the CET timezone, in case anyone wants to know), and I’d like my partner to be at least my age, older is totally fine :)
• I prefer to RP through Discord.

I think this is all you need to know. If you’d be interested, or you’d like to know more about what I have in mind, don’t hesitate to shoot me a message :)
Love, Whirlpool

Hiya guys!
Recently, I’ve been thinking about a pretty fun RP idea. Who doesn’t like a long-term RP, in which you can follow a character through different stages of their live and experience their thriumphs, heartbreak, and everything in between. In this RP, we would be following our characters both when they were younger, and now that they’re older. We can do this either in chronological order, or we can switch back and forth - whatever you prefer!
This RP will mostly be a character-driven story, following our characters in their day-to-day life without any specific plot. I want to see where things are headed solely through the way in which the characters interact together. Though I’d love the plot to be mostly romance based, I don’t mind straying away from that to explore some of the inner workings of both of our characters. I’d like a partner that enjoys crafting an intricate and interesting backstory for their character, as that will be the main focus of this RP. If that’s something you enjoy, I think we might be a perfect match!
I have a bunch of character in my library that I would love to be able to use for a plot like this! Just shoot me a message and I’d be more than down to show some of them off :)

• I genuinely enjoy the writing process, and as a result my posts can often exceed (at least) 500 words. I’d like a partner that is able to hit at least a paragraph per post, and is at least somewhat detailed. Please don’t be scared off if you’re not able to hit a specific word target, I’m fine with anything really, if my partner at least puts in some effort.
• OC’s only, and I enjoy using realistic faceclaims.
• I can play both male and female characters.
• I’m 22 myself (from the CET timezone, in case anyone wants to know), and I’d like my partner to be at least my age, older is totally fine :)
• I prefer to RP through Discord.

I think this is all you need to know. If you’d be interested, or you’d like to know more about what I have in mind, don’t hesitate to shoot me a message :)
Love, Whirlpool

Hei, hi and hello!
I’m Onsie Onsfjord or Fjord feel free to call me whichever is not mind to me.
I’m a 26-year-old English Norwegian who’s mainly lived his whole life in the United Kingdom and graduated from university with a degree in Computer Networks and is now working as a DIE for the NHS (Digital Infrastructure Engineer).
Caught you off guard with that job title acronym huh? Yeah, trust me when I first started it had me in fits of laughter, but you get used to it after a while.
So a bit about me; - I’m an introvert and tend to avoid public crowds, events and such and just try to vibe with friends on a nice game of anything (which you’ll see below) - I’m an avid IT nerd and will most likely remain this way for my whole career as IT is my education and career at this point - On top of IT you guessed it I’m also a very big avid “gamer” I mainly play PC and PS5 games with my current interests being in Helldivers 2, Star Wars: The Fallen Order, and Jedi: Survivor amongst a few other things like WoW, CoD, SWTOR and so on. - I love learning, whether it be history, game lore, languages, cultures, etc. You name it, and I’ll probably be interested in it (Trust me, you give me a flag of any country, and I’ll be able to tell you the country’s name and political structure. - I’m also an avid book reader and you’ll most likely see my shelf full of different manga from all types of genres, I don’t particularly watch anime, I mainly read instead because I find it more “interesting” for better or not. (Not that I'm opposed to watching it) - I’m trying to learn to cook myself but not very good at it as my most recent attempt I ended up giving myself food poisoning so it’s sufficient to say you will have a big gamble if you’d like me to cook ha-ha. - I do watch football from time to time and do support a few clubs from around the world (mainly northern Europe, the UK, and the US) feel free to guess if you’d like! - I’m currently on a VLCD and have lost about 2 stone within 1 month which I’m super super happy about.
In terms of looks and such I’m what an average 26-year-old would look like who is 6’1/6’2 with a picture on request.
Please don’t judge too much as I’m still working on improving myself.
What am I about? I’ve always made it a goal to help, care for, and support those close to me, whether it be friends, old friends, or the equivalent of my family. They’ve been there for me, and I’ll go hell and back for them as they’ve stood by me through thick and thin, even through the loss of other close friends; they’ve picked me up and brushed me down and set me straight to which I will always forever be in their debt and have helped them being.
Whilst I’ve been shot and backstabbed by many of those who I thought were close to me I just try and see the positive and avoid the unnecessary drama and arguments as life is just way too generally short for that kind of stuff and we should all get along with each other in my mind.
What am I looking for? I apologize if this comes off as really picky - Someone in the realm of the US, Canada or Europe - Someone between the age of 20 to 28 years old - Someone who has an interest in IT, manga, gaming, and such (It’s easier to talk to people with the same interest I’ve found though you don’t need to work in IT at all) - Just be a kind honest individual who I can back and vice versa. Be there for each other.
I am looking for a monogamous and serious relationship and not a friendship, however, I’m fine with starting out as friends whilst getting to know each other etc.
The end? Well, I’d like to say that this was the short and sweet version of myself without giving much more away about me but hey hopefully you’ve stayed this far and if you have, I have a very small simple request for you!
If you do decide I’m someone you’d like to get to know and all of that stuff then when messaging me, please make a somewhat attempt of an introduction (I’m not asking for the mass of paragraphs or anything) just a hi, your name (doesn’t have to be your real name), where you’re from, how old are you, what you do, hobbies, etc and we’ll go from there!
Low-effort chats & messages will be removed also, so I know that you’ve made it this far please put your answers to this question (wrong answers don’t matter, it’s what is attempted counts)
“I was born in the winter on a remembrance day, which day was this?”
Take care and hope to see your message 😊

Hei, hi and hello!
I’m Onsie Onsfjord or Fjord feel free to call me whichever is not mind to me.
I’m a 26-year-old English Norwegian who’s mainly lived his whole life in the United Kingdom and graduated from university with a degree in Computer Networks and is now working as a DIE for the NHS (Digital Infrastructure Engineer).
Caught you off guard with that job title acronym huh? Yeah, trust me when I first started it had me in fits of laughter, but you get used to it after a while.
So a bit about me;

• I’m an introvert and tend to avoid public crowds, events and such and just try to vibe with friends on a nice game of anything (which you’ll see below)
• I’m an avid IT nerd and will most likely remain this way for my whole career as IT is my education and career at this point
• On top of IT you guessed it I’m also a very big avid “gamer” I mainly play PC and PS5 games with my current interests being in Helldivers 2, Star Wars: The Fallen Order, and Jedi: Survivor amongst a few other things like WoW, CoD, SWTOR and so on.
• I love learning, whether it be history, game lore, languages, cultures, etc. You name it, and I’ll probably be interested in it (Trust me, you give me a flag of any country, and I’ll be able to tell you the country’s name and political structure.
• I’m also an avid book reader and you’ll most likely see my shelf full of different manga from all types of genres, I don’t particularly watch anime, I mainly read instead because I find it more “interesting” for better or not. (Not that I'm opposed to watching it) - I’m trying to learn to cook myself but not very good at it as my most recent attempt I ended up giving myself food poisoning so it’s sufficient to say you will have a big gamble if you’d like me to cook ha-ha.
• I do watch football from time to time and do support a few clubs from around the world (mainly northern Europe, the UK, and the US) feel free to guess if you’d like!
• I’m currently on a VLCD and have lost about 2 stone within 1 month which I’m super super happy about.

In terms of looks and such I’m what an average 26-year-old would look like who is 6’1/6’2 with a picture on request.
Please don’t judge too much as I’m still working on improving myself.
What am I about? I’ve always made it a goal to help, care for, and support those close to me, whether it be friends, old friends, or the equivalent of my family. They’ve been there for me, and I’ll go hell and back for them as they’ve stood by me through thick and thin, even through the loss of other close friends; they’ve picked me up and brushed me down and set me straight to which I will always forever be in their debt and have helped them being.
Whilst I’ve been shot and backstabbed by many of those who I thought were close to me I just try and see the positive and avoid the unnecessary drama and arguments as life is just way too generally short for that kind of stuff and we should all get along with each other in my mind.
What am I looking for? I apologize if this comes off as really picky

• Someone in the realm of the US, Canada or Europe
• Someone between the age of 20 to 28 years old
• Someone who has an interest in IT, manga, gaming, and such (It’s easier to talk to people with the same interest I’ve found though you don’t need to work in IT at all)
• Just be a kind honest individual who I can back and vice versa. Be there for each other.

I am looking for a monogamous and serious relationship and not a friendship, however, I’m fine with starting out as friends whilst getting to know each other etc.
The end? Well, I’d like to say that this was the short and sweet version of myself without giving much more away about me but hey hopefully you’ve stayed this far and if you have, I have a very small simple request for you!
If you do decide I’m someone you’d like to get to know and all of that stuff then when messaging me, please make a somewhat attempt of an introduction (I’m not asking for the mass of paragraphs or anything) just a hi, your name (doesn’t have to be your real name), where you’re from, how old are you, what you do, hobbies, etc and we’ll go from there!
Low-effort chats & messages will be removed also, so I know that you’ve made it this far please put your answers to this question (wrong answers don’t matter, it’s what is attempted counts)
“I was born in the winter on a remembrance day, which day was this?”
Take care and hope to see your message 😊

I had a friend I knew since we were 10, lets call her Raya. Me and her have been pretty close, or I thought. We would always hang out, do things together, etc. but we had a pretty bad fall out recently because I couldn’t tell her everything I wanted to say.
Starting from the beginning, Raya moved into a flat pretty close to mine because it was close to her college. I took that as a great opportunity to hang out with her more because we were already so close. So i start inviting her over to mine, inviting her to outings, and to parties i went to.
We were mostly fine, up until my birthday party. I was in a sad mood because a lot of my friends weren’t able to attend, and Raya wasn’t exactly helping me in any way either. She was just talking a lot and not letting us get a word in. She would constantly interrupt whatever I was gonna say and it was really discouraging for me. When things like that happen I tend to go nonverbal. While at the party me and another one of my friends were talking about how low our pay is and how we could barely afford rent and stuff. And Raya decided to butt in and brag about how much she made at her current job, and how she was able to pay her parents bills. It made me really upset because I started comparing myself to her. I was taking a break year and working full time so it made me feel like a failure because how was she able to do all that on top of juggling school. And months later I confronted her about it, she said she was trying to make me feel better by letting me know she had my back. But I still don’t understand how that even correlates to what she said. She also had to ask my boyfriend what to get me for my birthday, which I felt hurt by because she’s known me since elementary school.
Another incident was at a party I invited her to she kept flirting w my boyfriend’s friend. She had a pretty bad record with guys, and she tends to dump them at the drop of a hat. Neither me and my boyfriend wanted that for his friend so we told her to cut it out. But, a week later we go to another party and she does the same thing. And she did it at every party I invited her to, even when she started dating someone else. I wish I had her boyfriends social so I could have told him, but I didn’t.
I eventually confronted her about all those things, and her first response wasn’t an apology or acknowledgment that she did wrong. It was that she was autistic (i did know this beforehand), and had a hard time understanding social queues. I also told her that i felt our relationship was very much one sided, and how I felt like she knew nothing about me and how I always had to make plans with her and how she never texted me first. I felt like she didn’t care about me and was using me for the things I did for her. She said she had no idea i felt that way and would like to start over with me to get closer. I was hesitant but i eventually said yes.
The next month was fine, we hung out and she even initiated it a couple times. But as time went on I kinda realized if she really cared about me she would’ve already been doing those things. She got a new boyfriend and was gushing about how well she knew him and how she’s getting him a super personal gift and it planted that seed in my head. I don’t want to be treated like her boyfriend lets make that clear. But all the basic things she knew about him like his birthday and his job, it made me realize she didn’t even know those things about me.
I hosted another party later that month and I invited her one last time. It was already cemented in my head I wasn’t going to be friends with her anymore after that. So party starts and she does her Raya thing. Constantly talking over people, bragging about this that and the third, and whatever else. It was really annoying me and I was kinda drunk at that time. She told me, in a way i think she thought was funny, ‘haha im so drunk i got your boyfriend and his friend mixed up’ and I just thought ‘ugh i want her to leave’. And for context boyfriend and his friend are both black but thats where the similarities end. So i was like ‘They look nothing alike what are you racist or something?’ And it sobered both of us up. I knew she was upset and pretty soon after she left.
I apologized the next morning and she was like ‘I need time to think on it’. We didn’t speak for a month and then she texts me out of the blue ‘its fine, i forgive you. But dont do that again’. So I thought it would be another reset. I invited her for a girls night with my other friend, but my other friend couldn’t show up so I tell Raya ‘hey other friend cant come, but youre still free to come right?’ And she was like ‘Uh no i have an exam to study for’ even though she initially agreed to come when my other friend was gonna come.
I decided then and there I didn’t want her in my life anymore so I invited over Raya to my house one last time and told her I didn’t wanna be her friend anymore. And she gets so mad, she leaves and goes home and sends me paragraphs about how friendship isn’t about how much you know about a person but being there for them. And how I never acknowledged her autism and how I always treated her like shit and how I was the same girl i was in high school (i wasnt the nicest then i can admit).
But my issue was, i know autistic people need to be told things very directly but I told Raya countless times before I wasn’t raised in an environment where i could freely say what I feel, it was literally the reason I was in therapy (and she knew i was going too). And i also tended to get overwhelmed by my emotions and go nonverbal. But I guess she also decided to not remember that about me. I could have done it better, i could have been nicer, and i could have told her that we just weren’t compatible as friends anymore. I wish I hadn’t said what I said at the last party. And i hate how our friendship crashed and burned so quick. She was so important to me, but it’s better for the both of us to not be friends anymore I think. But I cant help but think I couldve done better.