For context I am 17 and just broke up with my ex. We dated for about 6 months. In the beginning I actually had a massive crush on him for like 3 months. I really did like him a lot and wasn’t super shy about it since we had theatre together after school. He also liked me back so we started dating.
Now, reason why I had broken up with him is because I started loosing feelings around March. When May rolled around I began to have actual doubts about my feelings and if I wanted to be in this relationship. Thing is, there wasn’t necessarily any problems. My ex was loving and caring like any boyfriend but he had his own traumas and issues. He would overthink very often which for me became exhausting to deal with. He’d cry a lot because he was scared I would leave him or that I would like someone else. Some odd reason he always had bad dreams and would constantly cry over it. It became tiring to comfort him. I sometimes hold hands with my girl friend like any girl would and he legit told me had a dream about me leaving him for her 💀 like what? And he was scared I was gonna leave him for her. Overall he was scared of losing me. He had treated me like I was his whole world. Like I was the love of his life.
Here’s the thing, this would be sweet and cute but personally in my opinion was just not really it. I mean yeah, I loved him but he’s not the love of my life. We have only been dating for a few months not years. When we’re in advisory he’d constantly cling onto me and wrap himself around me. I didn’t mind at first but then it became too much. I just want my personal space. I guess those things just caused me to start losing feelings.
So to me the relationship didn’t hold that much meaning to me. After I broke up with him I didn’t cry nor did I feel super sad. But after a day or two I did begin to feel a bit sad because he’s a good person and bf but he just wasn’t meant for me. So that made me sad that I let go of him but it was for the best because everything was becoming a push and pull situation between us.
So now here we are a week later and on Monday my old feelings for this guy sort of rekindled ig? Idk. In the beginning of the year before me and my ex even got together I kinda had a thing for this guy who I’ll refer to as Mf bc why not. I don’t know Mf very much because 1. I don’t have any classes with him 2. No after school activities together. Funny enough his older brother and I are good friends with each other. (His brother is ok with me liking Mf btw lol) so I sometimes see Mf when me and his brother are going somewhere after school. Occasionally in the halls and such.
Ultimately I decided to shoot my shot with my ex instead. Then a week ago I broke up with him. When Monday rolled around these feelings for Mf returned when I saw him again and interacted with him. I hate the fact I like him. Because I don’t want to but i literally can’t stop it. He and I both just got out of relationships so I’m not gonna try to pursue anything. But that doesn’t change the fact I still have a crush on him which I hate.
Unfortunately yesterday I also made the realization that Mf fits my type kinda well. (Not personally yet because idk him well enough to determine) but he’s taller than me, he’s fit, lean, and has a sense of style. And to me he’s good looking. 7/10 give or take.
Besides that I just don’t understand why now? I don’t want to date him right now. Because it’s highly possible that this is just a phase I guess. So I don’t want to do anything rash. I wanna give it like a month or two to see if I really like him before actually considering if I should try to get to know him and what not. Yet I keep thinking about him and have to resist the urge to text him. Ughh. Why I gotta have a crush on this mf? And why now?
(I’m having a crisis pls send help-)
Sorry that was so long. I have to make sure there is context so I can get advice.

Here's a funny thing you probably already know about me: I tend to bite off more than I can chew. Just last Tuesday, I found myself swamped with a mountain load of work. I had an important presentation for work due the next day, studying for a certification exam, and planning an anniversary surprise. I literally felt like I had a time bomb ticking, and with every passing second, I was losing control.
That's when it struck me - I needed to adopt a different approach, a growth mindset, to tackle this situation. So, I started by prioritizing my tasks, putting the focus on the ones that mattered the most. Instead of stressing about the huge pile of work, I broke it down into smaller, manageable tasks, and slowly but surely, started making progress.
I took short breaks in between to clear my mind and refresh myself. Adamantly sticking to a plan was my mantra for the day. I divided my time between tasks and made sure I was only focusing on completing the task at hand, without letting other distractions get in the way. I didn’t deny the fact that I was overwhelmed. Instead, I accepted it and trained my mind to see this as an opportunity to challenge myself and grow.
By the end of the day, I realised that it wasn't only about managing my time better, but about reshaping my approach to stressful situations. I got my presentation done, studied sufficiently for the exam, and even managed to plan a lovely surprise for my partner.
The growth mindset not only enabled me to tackle my tasks more effectively, but it also helped me learn and grow in the process.
P.S.: This is a hypothetical story, don't stress! I'm not always this chaotic. But, if you ever find yourself in my shoes, remember the growth mindset and the 80/20 rule mental model. Turns out, it’s not about juggling everything at once, but knowing which balls are made of glass and which ones are made of rubber.

I (28F) met a guy (45M) at work. He's my superior but he treats everyone respectfully and doesn't push his weight around. It's safe to say that he's the first guy who lingers on my mind. I've never been in a relationship before and I'd hate to think that I misinterpreted his act of kindness and caring as signs that he maybe kinda likes me too.
For context, we weren't that close until last July when he announced to our team member that he has nose cancer. Maybe because my dad passed away from cancer recently that I felt empathetic to him. He had to stay off work for almost 3 months to undergo chemo and radiation treatment plus to recuperate. That was when we started chatting online almost on a daily basis. We talked almost about everything, sharing funny reels as I wanted to get his mind off his treatment. Despite our age gap, we share many interests like anime, art and photography to name a few. We've been to several events and movies together but usually with other colleagues present. We still chat but on a weekly basis now that he's back to work and we meet on weekdays at work.
I didn't read too much into it until last Friday when I broke down in front of him for the first time due to some family issues. Naturally, he listened patiently and patted my head and hugged my shoulders to comfort me. He patted my head before on several occasions when I faced some troubles at work but I always thought he just treated me like a younger sister. Then the following Sunday, he asked me out for a drink after our colleague's wedding at night. This was the first time we went out alone together. We talked until 3am in the morning. He's a pretty chatty guy and did most of the talking but I was content with just listening. He confided in me about his worries for his family and his cancer (he's a cancer survivor now). He talked about how painful the treatment was and even contemplated s*****e. It really breaks my heart how he secretly feels anxious but still pretended to be funny to others.
I was even more certain of our chemistry when we met yesterday to attend an anime exhibition and comic art festival. We stopped in front of a booth that caught our eyes at the festival. There was a handmade clay figurine that he picked up and showed me. I complimented that it's cute. He bought it the next second, took my hand and placed the figurine on my palm. I was flustered for a second and said thanks. My heart was pounding and I swear I may have blushed so hard! It feels like a date to me at that moment. We even shared water from his bottle. It feels kinda personal to me as I don't make a habit of sharing drinks with anyone and assumed most people don't like it either. We went to get my fav dessert (coincidentally his fav dessert too) and the day ended with us getting his favourite korean barbecue for dinner and went back to our separate homes at 12am.
Here's a few reasons on why I think he likes me a little:-

1. He sometimes jokingly tells other team members we went on a date when in fact we went to a work meeting.
   
2. He bought me several gifts, mainly figurines of an anime character that I like and model kits- both on my birthday and normal days.
   
3. There was a woman who was interested in him and kept pestering him, wanting him to send her his recent selfie. He jokingly said he will send her a picture of him with me to lead the woman into thinking I'm his girlfriend.
   
4. There was once when I cried in front of my other colleague (let's call her 'J') at a mall during our lunch break. When we were walking back to our office, he happened to be there because he was going to meet up with 'J' for work. He was texting on his phone and was pretty far away. I didn't greet him because my eyes and nose were red and I didn't want him to see it so I blended within the crowd and walked passed him. I didn't expect him to notice me at all as he asked me after work if I was feeling sad. At first I thought 'J' told him that I cried but she texted me later explaining she did not say anything to him, instead he asked her all of a sudden if I was sad.
   

Sorry for the extremely long post but I really needed to know if he likes me or just treats me like a younger sister. His friend told him once that his past relationships went bad because he tends to care for girls that seem pitiful and doesn't share same family background as him. He has a healthy relationship with his family while all of his ex-girlfriends came from unhealthy family or single mothers so they were more demanding and controlling. I didn't want to misunderstand his feelings as fondness when he just feels pity for me.

“Your girlfriend’s here” my brother and roommate called from across the house in an obnoxious tone. I didn’t feel like getting up see what he was talking about. I didn’t have a girlfriend, my social anxiety wouldn’t allow it.
With an exasperated sigh I got off the couch. “What are you talking about? Who’s at the…”
My brain froze, she was standing there. Her, Rachel. The girl. She had barely changed, she still had those big brown eyes that had pulled me in a decade ago. She was as beautiful as the last time I had seen her.
Oh God. No.
The memories came rushing back, the memories I had spent years repressing. I had all but convinced myself that night never happened.
I had been a freshman in college, away from everyone I knew for the first time. Making friends wasn’t easy but I was far from a loner.
Rachel and I had some class together, I don’t remember what it was for. We were bored and swapped each other others Snapchat IDs.
We talked occasionally over the next few weeks, commenting on each other’s stories and stuff. Then kind of out of the blue she asked if I wanted come over her place. Her and some friends were having a movie night.
“Heck yeah” I replied with a smiley emoji. “Awesome! We plan on watching the entire LOTR trilogy, pull an all nighter but you know how that’s probably gonna go lol”.
At the time I would have barely considered us friends, but if she wanted to explore things past that I was totally cool with the idea. She was fun, kind and really pretty.
The night came and sure enough the living room floor in the house her and her friends were renting was covered in mattresses.
She greeted me with a hug, it was nice. I think that was the first time we had had any sort of physical contact. After some introductions to the people already there we settled down to watch the movie.
It's funny what your brain locks onto. Shit went to hell right after the troll is killed. Three guys and a girl abruptly stood and starting walking backwards until they were each against opposing walls. Their eyes were blank, almost clouded over.
Rachel was standing in the hallway, the Whiteclaw she was holding fell to the floor but she didn’t seem to notice. Her eyes were wide, she glanced at me for just a moment.
A few people kind of chuckled nervously, the room had a weird tension to it. Like we all knew something wasn’t right but we didn’t know what to do about it.
Each of the four took off their shirts, they threw them to the side never blinking those awful eyes.
Energy was surging through me, I needed to go. I needed out. The girl next to me screamed, I turned to see the chest of the guy standing nearest her bulging. His skin split up the center revealing writhing mass inside him!
Others began to scream and stand, all of the four who stood glassy eyed now had gapping chest cavities. With a wet squelch tentacle like appendages burst out from them!
My heart skipped a beat leaving me gasping painfully for breath. The girl next to me was lifted from where she sat and pulled towards the nearest tentacle monster.
I didn’t help her, I didn’t help anyone. Others tried running but were snatched up and entangled in those wet dark green arms!
Unlike the others I didn’t run for the door. I scrambled up the stairs, pulling myself up with my hands as my feet tried to keep pace. I lost my fingernails but I didn’t care, I needed out!
Rachel didn’t move, she didn’t so much as glance my way.
I didn’t have time to think about that. I reached the top of the stairs just as one of the creatures started up after me. I ran into the nearest bedroom and closed the door behind me.
Running on pure adrenaline I ripped open the window and climbed onto the roof. I stopped myself from jumping down, I was directly over the front door. I could see light spilling across the front yard, the door was open.
Grabbing the gutter and praying it would hold I pulled myself up above the window. I had just cleared the window when I heard the bedroom door shatter. I ran across the roof at a reckless speed.
I didn’t think, I just jumped. The house was on a hill, that fact might have been what saved me. I fell what was probably thirty feet but landed on my ass on an incline.
Rather than shattering my legs I slid down the hill. Until my foot caught something and sent me tumbling head first through the ferns and brambles.
Once I caught my footing again I ran to the bottom of the hill. I found a road and followed it. At some point I cried myself to sleep under a tree.
I never went back. I didn’t even pack my things. Somehow my car ended up back at my dorm. After searching it I climbed in and drove two states back to my parents house.
I told them I flunked out and couldn’t afford my dorm. They were pissed but I didn’t care. I should have gone to therapy but I felt like that would have been like admitting it was real. I just couldn’t do it. I buried the memories by self medicating. I lived by leeching off others for years before I started getting my life back together.
Before convincing myself that night had never happened.
“Dude, that was ridiculous”. My brother’s voice pulled me from my memories, my dream? I was back on the couch. Rachel was nowhere to be seen.
“Seriously man, she’s cute and all but passing out because a girl talked to you? That’s next level bro”. I sat up looking around “where is she?” I demanded.
“Chill man, you probably freaked her out when you went all limp. Don’t worry, not only did I catch you and drag your heavy ass to the couch I got a note from her”.
I ripped the paper from his hand. “She took off pretty quick, she looked spooked. Anyways I have to get going, someone needs to pay the bills around here”.
I ignored him, my entire focus was riveted to the hand written note.
“I’m sorry to barge into your life like this but we need to talk. It’s urgent”.
She left an address and said to be there Saturday at noon.
I don’t know what to do. My memories of that night have to be false, there was no police reports, no missing people. It had to have been in my head. Maybe Rachel can clear things up for me, give me the closure I need.

What I think happened was. 1967. November 29th. A baby is born on Rokkenjima and taken in by Kinzo Ushiromiya, still deep in his mourning of the Golden Witch Beatrice. As this baby grows up, Kinzo shapes their identity under his upbringing and they grow up with a very stunted sense of self. EIther as some sort of disguise or to give themselves more fulfillment, they assume the identity of a young maid named Shannon and a younger servant named Kanon. This helps them navigate their life on Rokkenjima fine until the larger Ushiromiya family enters the picture, specifically Battler, Jessica and George, whose love for them begins to pull their identity apart. After a conversation with a 12 year old Battler about the kind of woman he likes, and getting even closer with George and Jessica in the years after, this person is at a crossroads on whos wishes get to be fulfilled: Shannon’s, Kanon’s, or Beatrice’s, and this all comes to a head on October 4th, 1986, where they facilitate a series of murders as an internal competition and as a demonstration to the person who affected them the most: Battler Ushiromiya.
….I THINK. I didn’t have the epiphany I thought I would have, more like a slow slow realization when I began to piece together the early-suggested possibility that Shannon was behind the appearances of Beatrice that Maria sees, the weird status of Kanon’s body at the end of almost every twilight, how Kanon had to bail Battler out in the first place, and the Love Duel itself, Shannon, Kanon and Beatrice all being on equal footing within it, and why Shannon and Kanon’s (and Beatrice’s) love had to be mutually exclusive in the first place. Plus more little details like the 19 paces coinciding with the perceived 19 people on the island (family + Beato) and the 19 years since the master of the game had been born, the narration and several characters like Featherine saying that the solution to the previous question or to the logic error could be the key to the whole mystery and is a part of Beato’s heart (her identity). George’s reminiscence of Battler and Shannon as a 12 year old with Beato’s own reminiscence of it coinciding with it. The fact that Battler has literally never seen Kanon and Shannon in the same room and the mystery of how Battler saw Beatrice after the murders of the fourth game. But I think that Shannon, Kanon, and Beatrice are all identities of one person, the 16th person after subtracting Kinzo, Kanon and Shannon from the initial 18, and that their disguises and faked deaths are the key to solving not just the logic error room, but the entire game and magic as a whole. Granted I don’t have *everything* figured out with this yet but I feel like I have my foot in the door finally.
Just starting with the logic error room, we know that Erika and Kanon entered and Batler left, the chain was reset when Erika entered, yet by the end of Erika’s search, Kanon was nowhere in the guestroom. Airtight locked room murder, practically no way to get out of this one, at least through the door. And for good measure, Hideyoshi, George, Nanjo, Kumasawa and Shanon are in the next room over while *everyone else* is in the cousins’ room, and during the escape, the seals to the doors of these rooms are intact. Genuinely the only in that I had on this one at first was the “everyone else” wording with Kanon’s status as furniture as my teeny little screwdriver I was trying to pry this thing open with. Of course the furniture thing is mostly a metaphor for the crested servants’ character arcs, and Genji is considered a person who would be included as “everyone else” but it was a start. Incidentally, my attempts before this episode had me reassessing the idea that Shannon could have disguised herself as Beatrice for Maria from the earlier episodes, and it was like I needed something to bridge these two ideas. And the fact of Kanon coming to save Battler being confirmed in red makes it seem useless to try to figure out how he got out of the cousins' room, but figuring that out was an important first step to my reasoning, as it helped me begin forming the idea that, somehow, to have been out of the cousin’s room, he would have had to be somehow less than one, to not be his own person, to not be included in “everyone else”. And taking this to the guestroom, it eventually dawned on me that, if *he* wasn’t his own person, and his love for Jessica couldn’t exist if Shannon was going to be with George, then maybe these two got in the way of each other because they were the same person, and if this was true, Kanon could escape the guestroom by discarding the disguised and identity of ‘Kanon’, removing him from the guestroom, since it was never specified that nobody was in there, only that Kanon wasn’t. ‘Shannon’ in the next room over could have gotten out through the window, since the status of the seals on the window is a hole that is pointed out in the episode, but Dlanor forbids it from being used, I think because bringing it up without solving Kanon’s identity would be solving the mystery incorrectly or at least out of order.
From here, you can take this to many of the other murders in Question arcs. I think I pointed out that Shannon’s body was hidden from George by Hideyoshi in episode 1, but rereading made me realize that not only had Battler not properly seen it either, but if Kanon was at the scene too, following my theory, the body could not have been Shannon’s. Whose it was I’m not sure. If Kumasawa got into her closet for this that would be funny. If they had a body prepared then sure. But this in conjunction with Kanon’s death not being seen by Battler later leaves this person without the identity of Shannon OR Kanon, free to run around the mansion murdering as they please. Even better if they are prepared to disguise as Beatrice as well, as this would have allowed them to have Maria turn around so they could kill Genji, Nanjo, and Kumasawa without harming her, and when the 4 others would come in and investigate, this person would slip out and kill Natsuhi. For Eva and Hideyoshi, since it was Kanon (and Genji who came upon the crime scene), I think it’s possible that the chain being locked was a lie on Genji and Kanon’s part.
As we know in Episode 2, Kanon’s corpse disappears after his death to the confusion of almost everyone, but this is because the body, as Shannon, is in Kinzo’s study “informing him of the murders” which after learning of Kinzo’s pre-game death means she can be doing whatever she wants. Since Kanon never shows up again, she operates as she needs to until she dies with George and Gohda. I think Shannon struggled with killing both of them. It seemed like there was a genuine struggle to even get the door open and overpower George and Gohda, so her and George could have killed each other, or she kills herself after killing George in mourning, because the final twilight is complete, or because she believes Genji or Rosa will take care of the rest. If Shannon was alive, Rosa stopping Battler from disturbing the body and then chasing everyone out would work for that, but Battler also witnesses like, the viscera of her head spilling out of the hole in it, which could constitute as a body check..? Maybe there’s some fuckery with how this Shannon looks to us and to the people inside the story, and that’s how she bypasses Battler’s body check? idk this one isn’t so solid but Kanon’s missing body is so damning to me. Battler does see Beato and Kinzo at the end and this could have been the culprit as Beato. Battler doesn’t get a good look at her and only sees Kinzo’s back as well. And the magic stuff at the end of every episode in my interpretation is Battler having died and the anti-magic, objective perspective being removed. So idk still working on that one lmao
The biggest thing for Episode 3 is the locked room chain, and having two of the servants being assumed identities really helps. Kanon’s body is ‘found’ in the chapel, a very remote part of the island, so his body is hard to confirm. On the other hand, Shannon is ‘found’ in the parlor, the easiest room to operate from and one that the adults were likely to break the locked room status of by shattering the window. Because Battler sees none of these bodies, the true nature is never confirmed, and it can be assumed that the culprit, having (momentarily) discarded Kanon and Shannon, once again has free reign over the mansion. This comes into play after Eva’s murders take the group into the mansion, starting with Rosa and Maria’s deaths as its unlikely the culprit would kill Maria this early. Kyrie kills Hideyoshi here, briefly surviving a shot to the stomach and either trying to hit Eva or retaliating against her where it would hurt (unwittingly damning her own daughter so yknow that’s not horrible at all). Back when I was a Kyrietrice truther (how I miss those days) I thought she survived much longer and killed George and Nanjo, but it turns out Battler checking her corpse in the metaworld means that Battler confirmed her death in the game too so bleh. But I think the culprit killed George and laid him in the parlor, possibly leading him in as Shannon. From here I think she plays dead as the survivors come in and while they’re distracted (Eva, Jessica and Nanjo are caught up in a fight while Battler overtly is checked out of the situation, not looking closely at the corpses at all), she sneaks out, only to be caught and shot at by Eva, which is what blinds Jessica. The shot isn’t immediately fatal but ‘Shannon’ is bleeding out fast and before she dies, she finds and kills Nanjo, “revives” Kanon, as Beatrice puts it, and leads Jessica out to where they will rest for the remainder of the game.
Chapter 4 is weird, it feels impossible to substantiate anything concrete when the whole island is a huge catbox to Battler, cooped up in the guest house, until after almost all of the murders are committed. WIth Shannon/Kanon in the dining hall with everyone, the best I can work out right now is the first six are shot down by them, the rest escape but are killed as well, at some point in between the 8th and 10th killings, ‘Kanon’ is discarded, making him the ‘9th death’, George and Jessica are killed, not before Jessica sees the dead bodies, is chased to her room and works out that if she gets caught, she’ll probably end up like the rest of them, which she tells Battler. At some point, Kyrie manages to get to a phone and call Battler before being killed. The most concrete thing I can deduce is that the hostage group was potentially never in the dungeon, the status of the dungeon’s existence in that space being up in the air, Kanon’s body is not at the bottom of the well that Battler cannot access, when Beatrice shows up to Battler at the end of the 4th and is spurned by Battler not remembering his sin, she finds a way to die as Shannon and be found.
Very hazy still obviously but idk how else Kanon escapes. Honestly "these clues and circumstances make one body unaccounted for so they can go do whatever" feels sorta cheap which makes me second guess all of this, obv theres some tricks to the locked rooms themselves still but I didn't anticipate that one possible theory would clear up so much. Also relies on the cooperation of some adults and Nanjo. Even tho I believe he’s nice I think Nanjo isn’t difficult considering he lies about Kinzo’s death for so long, and I feel like it wouldn’t be.. too hard to get any of the adults in on it if related to the inheritance? I still think some of Eva and Hideyoshi’s ep 1 behaviors are suspicious and it would be really funny and interesting if Kyrie was fuckin shit up. To me.
Overall if this is what the twist is, I think it's neat since Kanon and Shannon have been among my favorites from the beginning and the idea of them being so closely tied to the thematic core of the story is exciting. My idea of magic is so heavily informed by Ange’s story, it makes me wonder, since the Beato we saw in 67 seemed to live in a great deal of emotional neglect, neglect of her own self rather than of “Beatrice” (probably her mother lol), if this culprit is the same in that she was born from Kinzo and a Beato, likely the 67 one, and their personhood was ignored for the sake of Kinzo having Beato again, maybe “Shannon” and “Kanon” are similar to how Maria summons Sakutaro or Ange summons the sisters, and she summons the servants as a way of enriching her sense of self? Would be sort of interesting but it also feels like its crossing over into like DID territory and after playing like 2 danganronpa games worth of poorly handled stuff like that I dont know. I do kinda feel sad for Jessica not really getting to be with Kanon. They constantly get the short end of the stick, obviously because their love hasn’t developed like George and Shannon’s did over the past few years or even how Battler and Beatrice’s did over the past 5 games, but their love is so full of potential, and I love both of them so much. I’d love to just see them happy together but its not Jessica’s fate sadly lmao.
If we’re to believe that it was Battler’s sin that influenced all of this, I do find it to be really interesting how Battler tends to parallel Kinzo, as another extension of the idea that Kinzo keeps this very harrowing grip on all aspects of Beatrice’s/the culprit’s life. That Battler echos Kinzo’s yearning for the old Beatrice isn’t even solely tragic for Battler’s situation, it also has a lot of terrible implications for what we haven’t seen of Kinzo yet, if Battler’s projection of Beatrice as his former lover onto a girl who sees him as her father is any indication of what Kinzo was like. At the very least, I still love Battler and I think he differs from Kinzo by holding onto the love he had for his family. Even after six games, he’s still just as disgusted at the murders, especially so here, and the portrayal of the mothers of the Ushiromiya family in Battler’s game shows that Battler’s capable of a great deal of reflection and understanding, something that’s hard to believe Kinzo was ever willing to offer. For the sin itself it feels like it’s between Battler being like his grandfather, him neglecting the culprit in some way or him denying magic to her and by extension, her way of like and her worldview, like what we saw with young Ange and Maria.
My last thought on this theory is that it makes so much of the love game in ep6, specifically Zepar and Furfur’s commentary, incredibly funny with how on the nose it is, and shifting from the perspective of the elder Beato who doesn’t get it to that of Kanon and Shannon who are painfully aware, is very eye opening to how heavy handed their dialogue is. Yet another moment of the writers desperately trying to guide you to the heart of the mystery which is comforting as a staple of this whole story.
Looking back at the last post, it is funny how little I had to say about Erika Furudo then. She’s like my second favorite character now, as horrible as she is, and everything she does is in line with how she acted in ep5 (with one caveat we’ll get to), but just way more severe and like mask off about her cold-hearted rejection of emotional truths and desire for complete domination and control of what is accepted as the objective truth which is. very entertaining! Obviously saying a ton about the more clinical, quote unquote “intellectual” camps of mystery readers and writers and about how objective truth really is, which is all incredibly important to understanding the overall mystery, almost like a what not to do when playing Umineko.
But just focusing on Erika herself, she just feels so steeped in every detective trope you’ve ever heard of, and in a story that takes the time to build such nuanced dynamics and relationships between characters, the way she operates can be so two-dimensional it’s actually delightful to watch. Even when she’s given a backstory, it almost feels pre-packaged and thrown in to hastily give her depth and personal relation to truth on a conceptual level, as she is a detective, altho I don’t know if it’s completely hollow. Her back and forth with Dlanor is neat and her final response to it is an early tell that her refusal to recognize the emotions behind people’s truths is a fatal flaw of hers, probably caused by her falling out with her boyfriend. And with the whole game trusting you to see the emotions in everything and to not be cold and clinical in your assessment of the story, I can’t wholly believe she’s completely flat as a character, altho the commentary is still very unsubtle so idk fully. It’s not like bullshit characters can’t be meaningful, and I think there is a level of tragedy in the way she was fashioned on the game board as Bernkastel’s piece, trapped in the position of servitude to Bern, constantly emulating her callousness and seeking her approval, as if she’s like an author insert begging not to be removed by the author herself.
Like I said, she exhibits almost all the same behaviors she did in the last episode, just more brutally here. It’s almost like after failing to beat Battler at the end of episode 5, she’s trying to prove with everything she has that she really is a completely deplorable person, which she does when she fucking kills 5 people in what was supposed to be a non-tragic game, and she does this using the one thing that makes her different from last time: her lack of detective authority. Not only is is a cool trick that runs alongside her casting off the image of a noble seeker of the truth so she can debase herself in order to chase down a more twisted conclusion, it speaks a lot to her own capabilities that even without the privileges of a detective in a classic mystery story, she’s still able to bend the Ushiromiya family to her will and think miles ahead of Battler, making her all the more terrifying. Another thing that makes her different here is that she’s not just trying to solve the murders anymore, she is actively trying to catch Battler in a logic error, trapping him in the broken rules of his own game forever, and once she convinces him to give her seals to a few of the rooms, she does this incredibly easily, guiding Battler to his own damnation in what is, in my opinion, the best battle between the human side and witch side in the entire game thus far. It is absolutely fucking insane the lengths Erika goes to in order to completely destroy Battler. Her command of the game from the very start as if she had planned every mode both of them were going to make is just diabolical and after being a bit desensitized after the past 5 chapters of killings, her BEHEADING five people including a mom in front of her 9 year old daughter just to fuck up Battler’s game genuinely made me sick. And this is all heightened by how well written, translated, and voiced Erika is throughout the entire chapter. Before I got into Umineko, I’d seen videos of the scene completely out of context, and slowly I was drawn into wanting to play the game by the voice acting, the incredible music and tantalizingly rich atmosphere that I would have readily indulged in a full game of. But knowing the context of the scene now, how it acts as the final nail in the coffin of Battler and as the peak of Erika’s twisted level of ecstasy as she gleefully destroys this family, not just for domination of the truth but for the joy of revenge against Battler for denying her that ecstasy in the last game. It is just such an incredibly gripping stretch of scenes so fucking good oh my god.
All of this leads to the wedding of Erika and Battler, which really is the most deplorable action of Erika’s in this whole episode. Just the most disgusting subtext going on here that if you’ve read the novel I don’t even have to spell out. Just the depths she plummets to so she can exercise complete control over Battler. In stark contrast to the way Beatrice let Battler into her game, granting him the tools to understand her and to shed light on the mystery of her existence, finally granting her fulfillment, Erika is an intruder into Battler’s game in every sense of the word, and it’s Bern that created this monster in the first place to further toy with the lives of the Ushiromiya family, not completely different from how it was Kinzo's upbringing that made the adults of the Ushiromiya family who they were, leading to how theyr raised their own kids. Luckily Beatrice is the one who steps in at the last moment to save Battler here, exposing the one thing Erika cannot control: the emotions that are inherent to the facts of the murders. She cannot fathom that the solution to the murder isn’t some one million iq 4D chess move of Beatrice's and after an epiphany about the nature of multiple truths that not only feels kinda fake but is something Battler had come to 3 whole episodes ago with Virgilia and the Braun tubes, Beatrice and Battler’s final red truth shoots her down. Troll officially slayed don't be like Erika Furudo kids. Also there’s only 16 people on the island now! Hopefully you paid attention to Zepar and Furfur earlier. It is actually a funny wink wink nudge nudge that Beatrice entering the chapel to save Battler from the marriage runs parallel to Kanon entering the guest room. As if Ryukishi isnt already on his hands and knees tears in his eyes screaming and begging and groveling for the reader to understand whats going on here.
But yea Erika is a fascinating case study on the nature of truth, its objectivity and how it should be pursued. “True” does not always equal “right”, and the pursuit of objectivity can do immeasurable and irrevocable harm to innocent people just trying to find happiness in their own lives. I didn’t even mention her beefing with a literal 9 year old over a beginner magic trick, but it's clear here that her values run opposite to the games and the writers have a very very fun time criticizing those values through her. I learned this from a YouTube comment but apparently in some WTC bonus material, Rika from Higurashi mentions deep sea fish as omens of misfortune, which absolutely evokes the image of Erika washing up on the shores of Rokkenjima, foreshadowing the ensuing disaster. But after everything, as astute as she is as a riddle solver, she really has not even gotten out of the shallow end in terms of what the heart of a mystery really is, how trauma makes people act and why people are even driven to do the things that they do, ultimately looking like a fish out of water against this very magical setting. Get it like solitary deep sea fish honk honk
Other thoughts. I’m so happy to see Ange again! If the meta aspects of this story weren’t obvious enough, her and Hachijo/Featherine have the most overt readeauthor relationship, and it’s funny how Ange’s risen to Battler’s status of reader insert but in a different way. Battler and Beatrice have a combative, opposing relationship but the way she presents the murders to Battler and beckons him to figure them out very much reflects the writers’ desire for the reader to recognize their fiction. On the outside, it seems tricky but is actually very nurturing. Now, this late in the story, Ange and Featherine have a much more outwardly respectful relationship, likened to a miko and her guardian, although there is a little seedling of toughness that Featherine seems to hold for Ange, probably because of the latter’s stubbornness about some aspects of the story, with Ange also harboring contempt for Featherine sensationalizing her trauma with the message bottles. Funny inversion with Battler and I like the continued commentary on true crime. I also think Ange’s pursuit of the truth and trouble with emotions as Featherine’s reader slightly echoes Bern’s other piece, Erika, although to a much, and I cannot stress that Ange is not anywhere near as flawed as Erika, MUCH lesser extent, and Ange clearly has a higher chance of actually coming to an understanding at the end of the episode, plus its more understanding of Ange to want some power over the narrative as someone whose life was nearly ruined by it, rather than a piece who was just dropped in without any other relation to the Ushiromiya’s, despite being at the mercy of her master. Hate M Zakky guy plotting to kill her at the end altho I figured he sniped those Sumadera henchmen for her earlier and its not surprising but. le sigh
And because you know I have to always bring up Kyrie. That scene with her and Jessica was. Amazing. When Jessica's eyes glazed over and prison strip started playing I lost my mind. Genuinely such a compelling backstory for Kyrie and I love Jessica’s challenge to it, and her finishing line that, as much as Kyrie has been both empowered and terrorized by her jealousy, it does not make her a noble person, and this idea that trauma doesn’t automatically make you virtuous, I believe, will probably be very pertinent to the ultimate mysteries of the story. Besides that, one detail I caught is Kyrie talking about having worked up the nerve to kill Asumu over many many years, and she calls it a miracle that some other force took her the moment that she would have. Earlier this episode, and it’s been echoed in the previous ones, Featherine mentions that magic, as something limited by human ability, is the power to follow through with or get away with it. It really makes me think that. Kyrie could have just. Killed Asumu and is using magic to exonerate herself fdsfdsfds .I mean I’m always biased to my idea of murderer bastard Kyrie and the mountain of circumstantial evidence I thought I had with that and I do think its really funny!!! That she’s the only adult who seems to know how to handle the WInchesters well enough to do it one handed in her cg AND her portrait (og and pachinko not ps3). But hey idk. Every time she makes that closed eyes open mouth portrait it makes me think that she might not be any more savvy than the other adults about whats going on so even if its not serious i can still dream

I have a fear of speedbumps, but I'm slowly getting over it..
Hi and welcome to my post! Wanted to start off with a funny to me dad joke.
Nice to meet you, I'm Dylan!
I love autumn way too much and I can't wait for it! It makes me so excited. We had a much cooler day here for once and it felt like October so I was burning a lot of candles.
To put it simple, I am a single 22 year old man who has been pretty lonely in life and lacking human connection. And part of what comes with that is the desire to be intimate with a person. I am very mature for my age and will always be respectful of your boundaries and feelings, especially with anything sexual. Lately all I have is myself when it comes to sexual desires, so I would like to have someone to keep company with in that regard too.
I'm just relaxing on my days off this weekend and burning a woodwick candle. I love candles! 🕯️ Sometimes a campfire outside on a fall night or a crackling WoodWick candle is a relaxing constant among our busy and hectic world. It's nice to just disconnect, feel grounded and happy in your own little cozy space. Feeling calm and collected and at peace. Something that fewer people take the time to do these days.
I am seeking a woman around my age or older to build a close connection with that could possibly lead to a something intimate which includes the possibility of teasing/sharing pics etc. but only when we were comfortable. Figured I would be open in my Intentions as that's the best way to be.
You:
Kind, respectful, and easy going.
Comfortable with the idea of eventually sharing intimate things together.
Willing to eventually move off of Reddit.
Want something genuine and fun!
Are honest in your intentions and a good person to be around!
That's about it, we will get along great I know it.
I've been feeling a little bummed out lately. I always try and stay happy and see the best in things. But.. I've just been so alone. Most of my whole childhood and adult years have been spent feeling lonely. I grew up surrounded by cornfields which was peaceful but also has a lonely aspect to it. My family never really were close and never did anything as a family really. And part of it too is the fact that I never had any neighbors my age to interact with. But aside from that, my adult life has been very lonely. I'm just always by myself. I barely have any meaningful adult relationships or experiences, or even any friends.
I work a 3-11 job in building maintenance at my company world headquarters building which I love, but again it's very lonely. I work the off shift so the building is always empty. I don't get normal social interaction with people my age or a chance to build relationships. I only have 3 older men as co-workers and we are mostly in the basement away from any people on the floors from knowing our existence. I always walk the floors and see office people laughing and chatting with their coworkers and I just don't have that kind of experience. And just.. no one knows I exist really. Everyone probably assumes I have a lot of friends, but I'm struggling inside with being so alone and trying to meet people and get past the "hi how are you?" "I'm good thanks" stage. Most people don't seem to want to talk beyond that. And most women are already in relationships and thus it would seem weird to approach them in an office setting trying to get to know them deeper. But man those "hi how are yous" are the only real interactions I get during my day.. so thus I decided to come here lol. Rant over, sorry! I promise I'm not a downer. 😅
Now for some things about me!
As you can tell, I am very mature for my age and am polite and have good grammar which unfortunately not everyone my age does anymore lol. I am not active at all on social media/internet culture really and don't know much about all the slang the younger people these days use. I feel like I'm 50. 🤣
I am left handed which is pretty cool. I'm not much of a party person or a drinker, I much prefer a quiet night at home and maybe a beer or two on a weekend but that's about it. I am simple and stay out of drama and trouble and don't get much into politics or other things that cause drama with people. I much prefer a relaxing campfire and a night at home and to just let the world keep on turning haha. I consider myself pretty intelligent and mature, especially for my age which is why I'm open to older ladies.
Physically I'm 180 pounds, have brown hair, green eyes, and a typical build.
Some of my hobbies are:
• Photography
I have a Nikon D200 and D5500 that I love to shoot with. I love nature scenes, abstract, black and white/goth kinda photography, sunsets, etc. it's so fun to just let your mind explore. It's not about what camera you have, but those who are behind the camera!
• Cooking and baking
I loveeee to cook and bake! I enjoy making various meals but also love to just have a frozen pizza once in awhile or something like that. I recently made homemade chili which turned out great. I love to bake, especially in the fall! I love pies, cakes, pastries, cookies, etc. I restored a vintage KitchenAid mixer that needed tbe gearbox rebuilt. Eventually I would love to practice home canning my own food.
• Music
Oh my gosh, I like so much!! Alternative rock, punk, post punk, electronic, synth pop, psychedelic rock, hard rock, etc. I am very non judgemental and open when it comes to music. My three current favorite bands are Type O Negative, Joy Division, and the Cure.
• Nature walks and camping
I really enjoy camping, making fires, and relaxing by a campfire. I love to take walks outside and just enjoy the beauty and simplicity of nature. It's wonderful, especially in a world so focused on everything digital.
• Repairing things
I'm a maintenance guy and one of my hobbies is electronics repair so I am good with my hands and just all around good at troubleshooting and fixing all sorts of things around the house. Last week I helped my elderly neighbor get his tractor started, it needed a new component in the starting circuit. So I'm pretty handy which... Comes in handy! 😂
• Autumn 🍁
This isn't a hobby per say, but man do I love the fall!!! It's my absolute favorite time of the year. Oh my gosh. The beautiful colors, crisp cool air, misty and foggy days, rain, lack of bugs, being cuddled up with a candle or by the fire drinking a tea, etc. I love it! There's only two seasons for me. Fall, and waiting for fall! Haha.
• Scented Candles and incense
Going along with my love for fall, I absolutely love candles! I have like 30 something lol. 😂 Currently my favorite are WoodWick, which are owned by Yankee candle. They have such a soothing crackle and the scents are great! I also love to burn incense from time to time as well. I have cottagecore hippie vibes.
• Old houses and architecture
I love old houses! Especially 1900s and Victorian era homes. Old homes have so much character to them and are just so beautiful from a time when people took pride in their craft. I strongly dislike the modern cookie cutter cheap construction of homes today. I would love to live in an old home one day. I also love their architecture and uniqueness, as well as architecture of old cathedrals and other buildings.
• Relaxing
Basic I know, but sometimes on the weekend I just love to get cozy in bed and relax and put on a YouTube video or an album! 😊
That's about it for me, I'm a pretty laid back and simple person. My ideal person is someone who is respectful and honest! I am very straightforward and open minded and would hope that you are as well.
If I seem interesting to you at all I would love to hear from you!
Thank you so much for reading.

GET OFF THE SUBREDDIT (at least do this)
It's been 6~8 or so months, from delusional thoughts, nonstop ruminations, totally disconnected, screaming fits, bedbound and so much more to now laying on the floor listening to my favorite band disregarding scary thoughts and enjoying my day.
(Sorry for the bad spelling, English IS my first language, and I just suck)
(TW?: philosophies pertaining to free will)
Here's a reselling
Month 1~2: Week 1~2: It had already been a stress filled week, full of panic attacks, I had been worried about going blind and a bunch of other irrational things and then one day as I was brushing my teeth I was questioning if we really had free will over our actions at all. It may have been a mix of all the stress accumulating throughout the week, but that day, I had the biggest panic attack ever convinced that I might not have free will. I ran to my parents' room and started panicking over my free will and all that, and then it happened I dissociated(depersonalization). I didn't feel in control of my actions which was just the perfect cherry on top of my fear of not having free will it's almost funny how that made the perfect shit storm to fuck me up it
I tried to sleep it off thinking I'd be fine tomorrow, I woke up feeling disconnected I was terrified, I tried to ignore it and go onto my computer and talk to my friends but as I played a game with them I just didn't feel like I was playing and it freaked me the hell out, I was also experiencing headaches at the time which made me think that I may have had a cancerous tumor in my brain or something. This anxiety about my head would not leave my mind it was plaguing me, I slept in my room for a few more days ruminations about cancer and that persistent fear of not having free will plagued me, everyday ever single fucking day when I woke up I would have a new symptom. I was so afraid of being even a room away from my parents that I started sleeping on the couch in the living room, and I just sat there all day.
Week 3~4: One day my mom forced me to go out thinking that it would help as now she started to notice that i've gotten worse and not better over the days, she forced me to go to some big market place full of mirrors and people. Some of you who have DP/DR that mirrors are just something you should avoid until your more stable, there was mirrors of ever corner I turned each time I saw myself I was terrified and seeing the reflections of everything was making me anxious and uneasy, I was rushing to leave this marketplace once we did we made a stop in a supermarket and my mom was trying her hardest to get me to help she started getting frustrated and threatened me with something I didn't want(won't get into specifics). As I pushed the cart forward, the world caved around me. I stopped hearing sounds, and I couldn't move. It was straight out a movie/tv show. I froze up. I ran out of the store, and then it got worse. When I looked outside, it didn't look real I was hit with a big wave of dissociation but this time it was mainly (derealization) the world was wrong, everything was wrong I broke down in the car and I was brought home and I layed in the couch and stayed bed bound for the rest of the day. My mom finally took me to the hospital to check out what was wrong with me, and they found absolutely nothing wrong with me. They recommended me to a psychologist and sent me on my way. After this point I counted every day until the psychologist appointment like my life depended on it, I just wanted to be fixed and normal again, once the day arrived they recommended I got on zoloft, and to cut it short, it did not work I had a manic episode where I was to happy and erratic and stopped taking it under doctor permission and that's the last time I took meds
At this point, it's around December or so (memories are iffy around everything pertaining to DP/DR, but it's near the end of November, maybe? I had also celebrated Thanksgiving and found out the conditions name as well as the reddit)
Month 2~3: Every day I was spending time on my phone I was laying down in the living room, my screen time had jumped up from 4 hours a day to 16-18, sometimes the phone wouldn't cut it because the thoughts got to me and I would stare blankly at walls being unable to understand what was wrong with them, my only times of peace was when I was asleep, if I did anything and I mean ANYTHING something as simple as moving my hair out of my face would set me off for hours leaving me in a rumination rabbit hole that I cannot even begin to describe, going to the bathroom was unimaginably scary and difficult because the simple act of even walking was terrifying. Sometimes, I would get up to reconnect my phone charger or get a snack, and then I would freeze up. I would be locked in place standing up, staring at the floor, thinking of a million terrible thoughts. When I explained the condition to my parents, they just couldn't understand what was going on. I hadn't been to my room since the market incident, one peculiarity bad day I woke up in the middle of the night, with a mix of grogginess and the DP/DR my actions felt so disconnected that I started flailing my arms around like an insane person and ran to my parents room and walked with them to try to calm down, but it just didn't work. Something in my head clicked and I had fully convinced myself "oh I really don't have free will" I mindlessly walked away from my parents and sat down on the couch and looked around and it still haunts me today, I started screaming my lungs out. Once I had stopped screaming, i looked at my parents with disbelief thinking I had finally gone crazy I kept repeating to them, "I started screaming" over and over again, and they decided to take me to the ER
I was in the ER for only a day, but that was one of the worst days of my entire life. The first thing that happened was I got checked in and had all my clothes removed and put in hospital clothing that I could breathe through. I was anxious being in the hospital my mom could only be with me for a few hours and worse my bed was too small for me and it was in the middle of the hallway where I could hear everything, of course I had a big wave of DP/DR hit me and this really kind nurse came over and consoled me and held my hands to keep me sane I was explaining to her what was going on with me, I don't remember what I said word for word but I do remember some parts, I said
"I know I look crazy but I'm still here. Everything feels fake. I don't even feel like i'm talking to you, but I'm still here,"
They injected me with a drug to calm my nerves and lower my anxiety, which did, in fact, lower my anxiety, but I was left with just a feeling of dread and nothing more. When I got home after the ER visit, I once again returned to the couch and returned to the same routine of using my phone and sleeping
Month 4~5: Everyday now was filled with the same constant thought every waking moment "this is wrong'' every second this thought would pop up in my head and it's the only thing I thought, at this point I was moving around more and had developed this twitch for some odd reason, I would twitch both my shoulders up every few seconds I truly felt insane and looked it too, one day I stopped feeling emotions it was just 😶 I was left with this sense of terror and fear without the terror and fear? It's strange, and I hated every moment of it. This continued on for a while. I slowly started to realize that nothing was helping and no one could help me besides myself, I started slowly exposing myself to the outdoors little by little, first I would stand in front of the front door and then sit down, then I would step outside the house onto the steps and look around for a few seconds without my phone, I started leaving my phone and walking around for 30 seconds not a lot but felt like a lot, then one day i was telling my mom about my progression and telling her that if I don't take a hold of my fears then I'll never get better, after that I stood in front of my room door for at least 30 minutes just psyching myself up to at least enter my room and stay in it for a few moments. That was the best decision I ever made, I sat down on my bed and had a good cry for a few minutes.
Slowly I started going outside more, I started putting on music and dancing to it in the dark just to prove that I was doing it, these little steps were paying off, now was my DP/DR gone, No it was ever present and was with me 24/7 but these things I was doing was lessening the symptoms at least, one day I had finally FINALLY slept in my room again it took me a few more days to finally get comfortable to actually stay in there for a majority of the day. I started getting on my computer little by little, too, and speaking to my friends briefly.
Final months: I was in my room all day, I was finally going to therapy, I was going out for runs, I was talking to my friends of course the DP/DR was still present but it had lessened to the point where I could live a little. Now, I'm back to being me and started to get productive once again and trying to start coding again.
I think I'll have to give it a few more months this for the lingering effects to wear off, considering im being evicted it's understandable why it's it's not fully gone, I'm still a lil stressed but overall it's barely present in my day, when It does sprout its ugly head it's usually just slight derealization and what do I do? I accept the feeling and move on with my day. God, I hated people who said that to me, and I think that truly only works when you start recovering.
I glossed over some events (there's a lot) and some symptoms. I'll make a list of symptoms here. I'll leave you with this. Try to make a list of fears, face them one by one very slowly, or find other ways to cope. Every little step counts. Get sunlight for the love of God, and do everything on your own accord. Don't only go out when you need to. Just go outside sometimes or do something sometimes without the input of an outside party, oh AND GET OFF THE SUBREDDIT
I'm comfortable in my own home and feel better. Good luck you got this
Here's some symptoms and fears for those who are curious: Time felt distorted My body parts would sometimes feel too big or small People would feel like robots I would feel like a robot Depersonalization and derealization Time would sometimes feel slow I felt like I would be falling in and out of consciousness (feeling not actually) Twitching Rumination Existential thoughts nonstop Fear that I would hurt myself Fear that I would lose control Fear that nothing was real Everything felt like a video game Feeling that I could at any moment like vanish Lose of emotions Numbness Repeated phrases in my head Out of body
And so much fucking more, when I list out all these things at look at them I wonder how I fucking did it sometimes

I have a fear of speedbumps, but I'm slowly getting over it..
Hi and welcome to my post! Wanted to start off with a funny to me dad joke.
Nice to meet you, I'm Dylan! I'm a 22 year old who has lived in Illinois my whole life. As you can totally tell, I absolutely love autumn and everything about it!! I was born in October. It's my favorite month, and there's just something so magical about the fall colors, the cool crisp air, and those dreary and rainy and foggy days and nights. I love it so much and absolutely despise summer and humidity. 😂🍂🍁
I'm just relaxing on my days off this weekend and burning a few candles tonight as we've gotten an usually cool night which totally reminds me of autumn! I love candles! 🕯️ Sometimes a campfire outside on a fall night or a crackling WoodWick candle is a relaxing constant among our busy and hectic world. It's nice to just disconnect, feel grounded and happy in your own little cozy space. Feeling calm and collected and at peace. Something that fewer people take the time to do these days.
I am seeking a female interested in building a close connection with me that could possibly lead to something intimate and sexual but only when we were comfortable.
You:
Kind, respectful, and easy going.
Comfortable with the idea of eventually sharing intimate things together.
Willing to eventually move off of Reddit.
Want something genuine and fun!
Are honest in your intentions and a good person to be around!
That's about it, we will get along great I know it.
I've been feeling a little bummed out lately. I always try and stay happy and see the best in things. But.. I've just been so alone. Most of my whole childhood and adult years have been spent feeling lonely. I grew up surrounded by cornfields which was peaceful but also has a lonely aspect to it. My family never really were close and never did anything as a family really. And part of it too is the fact that I never had any neighbors my age to interact with. But aside from that, my adult life has been very lonely. I'm just always by myself. I barely have any meaningful adult relationships or experiences, or even any friends.
I work a 3-11 job in building maintenance at my company world headquarters building which I love, but again it's very lonely. I work the off shift so the building is always empty. I don't get normal social interaction with people my age or a chance to build relationships. I only have 3 older men as co-workers and we are mostly in the basement away from any people on the floors from knowing our existence. I always walk the floors and see office people laughing and chatting with their coworkers and I just don't have that kind of experience. And just.. no one knows I exist really. Everyone probably assumes I have a lot of friends, but I'm struggling inside with being so alone and trying to meet people and get past the "hi how are you?" "I'm good thanks" stage. Most people don't seem to want to talk beyond that. And most women are already in relationships and thus it would seem weird to approach them in an office setting trying to get to know them deeper. But man those "hi how are yous" are the only real interactions I get during my day.. so thus I decided to come here lol. Rant over, sorry! I promise I'm not a downer. 😅
Now for some things about me!
As you can tell, I am very mature for my age and am polite and have good grammar which unfortunately not everyone my age does anymore lol. I am not active at all on social media/internet culture really and don't know much about all the slang the younger people these days use. I feel like I'm 50. 🤣
I am left handed which is pretty cool. I'm not much of a party person or a drinker, I much prefer a quiet night at home and maybe a beer or two on a weekend but that's about it. I am simple and stay out of drama and trouble and don't get much into politics or other things that cause drama with people. I much prefer a relaxing campfire and a night at home and to just let the world keep on turning haha. I consider myself pretty intelligent and mature.
Sexually, I am very open minded and non judgemental. Even if you're having your period I don't mind messing around because I am totally comfortable with that. Some guys get really freaked a out about that and blood etc. and I don't get it because it's a natural part of being a woman and something that should be respected and understood and not something to be grossed out by. I know some women tend to get more horny on their period and thats when most guys don't want anything to do with them, but I'm different!
Physically I'm 180 pounds, have brown hair, green eyes, and a typical build.
Some of my hobbies are:
• Photography
I have a Nikon D200 and D5500 that I love to shoot with. I love nature scenes, abstract, black and white/goth kinda photography, sunsets, etc. it's so fun to just let your mind explore. It's not about what camera you have, but those who are behind the camera!
• Cooking and baking
I loveeee to cook and bake! I enjoy making various meals but also love to just have a frozen pizza once in awhile or something like that. I recently made homemade chili which turned out great. I love to bake, especially in the fall! I love pies, cakes, pastries, cookies, etc. I restored a vintage KitchenAid mixer that needed tbe gearbox rebuilt. Eventually I would love to practice home canning my own food.
• Music
Oh my gosh, I like so much!! Alternative rock, punk, post punk, electronic, synth pop, psychedelic rock, hard rock, etc. I am very non judgemental and open when it comes to music. My three current favorite bands are Type O Negative, Joy Division, and the Cure.
• Nature walks and camping
I really enjoy camping, making fires, and relaxing by a campfire. I love to take walks outside and just enjoy the beauty and simplicity of nature. It's wonderful, especially in a world so focused on everything digital.
• Repairing things
I'm a maintenance guy and one of my hobbies is electronics repair so I am good with my hands and just all around good at troubleshooting and fixing all sorts of things around the house. Last week I helped my elderly neighbor get his tractor started, it needed a new component in the starting circuit. So I'm pretty handy which... Comes in handy! 😂
• Autumn 🍁
This isn't a hobby per say, but man do I love the fall!!! It's my absolute favorite time of the year. Oh my gosh. The beautiful colors, crisp cool air, misty and foggy days, rain, lack of bugs, being cuddled up with a candle or by the fire drinking a tea, etc. I love it! There's only two seasons for me. Fall, and waiting for fall! Haha.
• Scented Candles and incense
Going along with my love for fall, I absolutely love candles! I have like 30 something lol. 😂 Currently my favorite are WoodWick, which are owned by Yankee candle. They have such a soothing crackle and the scents are great! I also love to burn incense from time to time as well. I have cottagecore hippie vibes.
• Old houses and architecture
I love old houses! Especially 1900s and Victorian era homes. Old homes have so much character to them and are just so beautiful from a time when people took pride in their craft. I strongly dislike the modern cookie cutter cheap construction of homes today. I would love to live in an old home one day. I also love their architecture and uniqueness, as well as architecture of old cathedrals and other buildings.
• Relaxing
Basic I know, but sometimes on the weekend I just love to get cozy in bed and relax and put on a YouTube video or an album! 😊
That's about it for me, I'm a pretty laid back and simple person. My ideal person is someone who is respectful and honest! I am very straightforward and open minded and would hope that you are as well.
If I seem interesting to you at all I would love to hear from you!
Thank you so much for reading.

I just wanna have fun speculating about the nightmare of enemies not pulling their punches and if damage reflected what something looks like or what the game says it would look like.
So best example. Technically, if you were to ever get killed by Maliketh using a destined death attack, your run would be over because you cannot be revived. The same would apply if you lost a duel against the dung eater, except you become incredibly handicapped.
Next would be how I believe a challenge run would go if projectiles did what they looked like they did. The golem greatarrows, ballistas, and trebuchets would all be OHKOs and thats very funny to me.
Next is how for some reason, medics just don't exist in the lands between, despite the fact that the healing spells were developed by people faithful to the erdtree. Imagine trying to go through Leyndell and facing groups of enemies, just to have the enemy you weakened run to the back to get healed and someone else runs interference on you.
And my last thought is how funny it would be if all mages were like Micolash and they kept running away from you while taking potshots at you. One Micolash traumatised speedrunners, imagine all of Raya Lucaria running around the castle, taking cover like a tactical shooter lmao.
If you guys have anything in mind or how you think this would look like gameplay wise, please share because it sounds really funny, in a mindbreaking everyone who attempts it way.

Hello. I am almost 22 and I am looking for older people to give me some advice. I know that addiction is a disease, and a gnarly one. I have my own personal struggles, but my main concern related to the topic is my father. He will be 54 this year and I am starting to get worried that he will not live to see me have children. We have not always had the closest relationship, but I do love and care for him greatly. I will kind of set the stage of my father, his personality and his past. Apologies in advance if this post is not typically what people come here to read, but I have never really told anyone my story about my dad in its entirety, and I just kind of want to get it off my chest. And I also just watched The Whale, and regardless of how you feel about the movie, it made me feel things about my own father in a weird way and those emotions are real and separate from the media that probed them.
My mother admits, without saying the exact words, that she settled. She was in her late twenties and she strongly desired a family and felt that her time was "running out". She is my dad's second wife. They live together essentially as roommates. They get into huge screaming matches that start at the silliest, most trivial things, like loading the dishwasher inefficiently. The fights always circle back to the core truths that they hold about one another, the deep discomfort that each of them have with certain traits of the other. My mother is too loud and too emotional. She is messy and, if she lived alone, would almost certainly have collected a menagerie of abandoned animals by now. My father is a functional alcoholic living in denial. He has an intense desire for control of his surroundings. A few people that know me and my family intimately enough have come to me genuinely asking if my father is autistic. I am not sure if I agree or how I feel about that, but it is an observation that has been made about him more than once. He has pretty severe anxiety that he is medicated for (Xanax) but rarely takes, instead choosing to self-medicate (booze). He was not very present in my life growing up, although we always lived under the same roof. My mother taught me how to drive, how to ride a bike, how to ice skate, how to write, how to read, how to bake. Ironically, he is a teacher, and yet was never there for many of life's crucial lessons. My dad is always lingering out the outskirts of my memories, watching me from afar. We fought heavily during my teen years when I first began realizing how he had stepped back from my childhood to instead focus on his work and drinking. Those are the two things he puts the most time, money, and energy into. That, and I guess science fiction movies about space, and maybe listening to ambient music and Radiohead.
I live about two hours from my parents currently, and last week my mom came to see me and get lunch. She said that my father is cutting back on the drinking. This is certainly not the first time, this is a perpetual new year's resolution for him that always seems to peter out around the first gloomy days of February. If he can make it without drinking for 30 days, he's not a "real" alcoholic, right? The difference this time, is that when he tapered down to one drink a day he started going through withdrawals. He got the shakes and the sweats. Selfishly, I'm glad I wasn't home to see that. It makes me worry that his habits are going to catch up with him. The things he jokes about, how he's gone through "a dozen livers in his life so far", no longer seem very funny, if they ever even were. He was a bartender in college, and alludes to the fact that it was there his issues with alcohol began, though he never explicitly says it. He'll say, "When I was a bartender, you know, I had to start biking to work so I could get myself home" and that sort of thing. His genes also aren't on his side. Much of his side of the family are heavy drinkers, they are northern people who say they drink to keep warm in the cold and desolate winters. But, that no longer seems to make much sense when great uncle bill starts showing signs of alcohol-related dementia and cousin Doug can drink a whole handle of vodka when he's out ice fishing and then drive three hours home.
Sorry again for the long post. All of that to say, what do I do here? My dad's social life revolves primarily around drinking. He doesn't have any hobbies that he doesn't do while drinking. He used to brew beer a lot with his friends when I was a kid but over the past decade or so he's shifted to drinking only liquor. He starts in the afternoon on his days off work, maybe noon, and then continuously drinks until he goes to bed. He tells me that vodka tastes sweet to him, and he has a certain gene that makes his tastebuds different (he is a biology and genetics teacher btw). He was hospitalized for a night a couple years ago and my parents have not really told me the specifics. Something to do with his blood pressure and sodium levels. I suspect it is connected to his drinking, otherwise he would have told me what was wrong. He has enough awareness of his issue to not discuss it in plain terms, but not enough to actually do anything about it. The only person who has called him out on his drinking, besides my mother (he has been dismissing her for years, although she has almost left him over it), is my parent's neighbor. She used to drink with him frequently, and she introduced him to marijuana. After a couple publicly embarrassing incidents, she went to rehab and has now been sober for three years. She told my mother once that my dad reminds her of herself, and not in a good way. My dad takes things very personally and he will avoid you for a long time if you say something to him that he doesn't like. He has thin skin and deals incredibly poorly when faced with criticism.
How do I talk to him about this without him shutting me down and brushing me off? I feel like since I am young, he will not take me seriously in my concerns about him, as that is what he usually says to me when I try to give him advice about things. Perhaps I am not the right person to talk to him about this anyway, but I still want to help. If you have read this whole thing, thank you. Truly, thank you. It feels good to put these thoughts that have been swirling in my head for years into words.

So this is my first time posting a DnD story here. I'm not sure how long I can make these but I just think this was funny and so far has been a highlight of my relatively short DnD career.
So I was DMing a 1 on 1 game a few months ago with the premise of the PC and a bunch of people getting isekaid into this fantasy world and accidentally taking over the bodies of people in the forgotten realms. One by one at seemingly random times throughout the month, a random person from our world would die horribly to get forcibly borrow the body of a fantasy character. And coincidentally, the PC was thrown into the body of an elven woman with a missing older brother, Eize, who apparently got a reputation after his disappearance. And PC believes that guy might have some clue how to get back home and plus the girl she's accidentally taken the body of, Luna, is now in her head and wants PC to carry out her task and find him. So both of their paths are set on finding this one guy. Perfect. The whole time, the fact that this elf woman was actually this random human from another world hijacking her body was kept a secret to most characters she came across. Including an NPC party member who I just kind of made to guide her through the basics of DnD.
It was her first time playing so I made the elf she was hijacking have an archer roommate friend who tries to see if she can shoot an arrow well, lift, and other stuff that would translate into different rolls at the start. Turns out the PC really liked him so he tagged along to help her find her missing brother not knowing that the person in control of her body and voice was... someone else entirely. Occasionally, since she's in the body of someone who already has a history with the weapon she's using (A bow. She picked a ranger) we'd just let any exceptionally good rolls be explained by the trained muscle memory of the woman whose body she's possessing kicking in and doing the heavy lifting for the PC. And occasionally, said elf woman would appear in her head for commentary, ideas, brief explanations and just another outlook on whats happening. Sometimes even throwing in a random wisdom save for select moments to see if the elf would momentarily take over. Small things like when PC is trying to get drunk, a failed random wisdom save would make the normally lightweight elf refuse to lift that mug to her lips for a brief moment. Or in another scenario when she successfully rescued tutorial NPC from being captured (which is a... whole other story), a failed random wisdom save made PC lunge forward and wrap him in a hug since the actual elf has known him for a long time so naturally she'd want to hug him. Just to remind that these were people with their own lives before they were bodyjacked. But these were just very fleeting moments of free will... fun for flavor though!
But anyways after meeting another isekaid soul who's using his host's magical powers as a means to steal and be a pretty shady dude, PC and Luna get a little tip that the guy isn't on the same plane thanks to a magic map that can track anyone in the world. PC used it on herself and someone she met but couldnt find the one they were after. So where to go next but PC a school of mages that can take her to other planes via a staff they have made specifically for this. But in exchange she has to jot down anything she can find to help them document the creatures since one of the students casted fireball in their library. Its a deal! The downside to this staff was that it needs 24 ingame hours to recharge so she has to make sure she knows where shes going. But... she doesnt. And theres like 16 planes in DnD.
So she guesses! And after a little bit of body horror explaining how the staff melts and sucks the PC into itself before teleporting to the other plane and spitting her out, the PC's sent to an area where only what is directly in front of her is visible. If its a little in her peripheral, it'll just disappear into a void. The main reason for this was because I got bored or lost trying to study what the actual planes are like and just kinda made something up for one of them. But after looking around what was basically a desolate landscape with a few abandoned towns, she finds this tall.... thing just kinda standing in a grassy field looking off somewhere. So of course, she decides now is as good time as any to draw the big fella. Was her first time drawing anything ingame. Nat 20. Turns out the person she took the body of is a Davinci-level artist and she didnt even know it and every single art PC wants to draw after this was an automatic masterpiece
But then, when she turns around to at least look for a resting point, theres something off. Roll perception: passed! Something following her.
Due to the nature of this area, she cant tell exactly what or who unless shes looking directly at it so she cant even sneak a glance over her shoulder. So she turns. Dex check: failed. Nothing.
Instead, her one and only party member NPC pointed behind her. And what she sees is the man of the hour; a big tall creature arching its freakishly long neck and spine downwards to get a better look at her with a huge array of masks with different expressions lining his back and somehow staring right at her. And on its face was a joyous mask described as being akin to one of those old tragedy/comedy plays.
PC asks "who... what are you."
And this is where I finally got to cement the name and the creature answers, "I am Gay... Though, this word has a varying meaning though does it not? Call me Happy."
We did not call them Happy. Because me and the PC were both 12 at heart and Gay is just funnier. So Gay is a Aasfaraaba, creatures who are basically just named an emotion so legally, by the books own admission, I can name a character in the most serious context, Gay. He's Gay. And that just makes me smile.
And despite the PC trying to keep the fact that she's hijacked someones body and the fact that the real elf is kind of just a bystander in her own mind a secret, the first thing Gay does is stare directly at the PC and ask "why are there two of you" completely ignoring the NPC party member and nudging forward the idea that Gay can see both people inside her. And no im not rephrasing that because I dont know how to for this one. Gay gives her some information on where the guy she's looking for is while politely says that Eize and his "parasite" are in a different plane entirely called Baator. Frankly, what else could you call these isekaid bodysnatches if not parasites? And as the creature explains this, the joy mask switched seamlessly to a different one with the only real sign its not just the mask physically changing was the discarded expression suddenly being in their hand. With more being added the more the conversation went on and the expressions had to change.
Despite Gay being a weird eldritch creature, me and the other player loved the dude and the fact that fact that their presence meant i could seamlessly make gay puns. Turns out the dude just like to come here to listen to the stories of lost souls that find their way to this place. And that they just like the weird phenomena like chocolate rain appearing at a certain time and shows off how magic simply touching the air makes a bunch of weird and random effects like summoning a simple ball of light and watching as it slowly morphs into pink strawberry icecream. Dude was just here for fun and noticed these people who dont belong here.
And after a short interaction, Gay said they didnt want to miss the chocolate rain starting soon and asked if PC had any other questions. The NPC party member is freaking out still and the actual elf woman forced as a bystander is weirded out but PC really likes him and says "I like him! Her? Um… do you have a gender by chance we can call you by?" Gay's response?
"What is that?"
Gay was just Gay. And Gay had no gender.
And that was it. A character made from a monster i thought was cool and a joke i thought was funny that quickly became a favorite among me and the player despite the dude not even showing up much. He did appear another time much later after this when she went to a different plane, Baator, which to my knowledge is basically Hell. And Gay was just kinda sitting by a river of blood and rapidly moving, outstretched arms. PC runs over to the mask enthusiast screaming, "Hey! Gay!" which of course got a nice out of game chuckle cause we are once again both 12 mentally, and this dude pulls out a mask with a guy cupping his chin and says "do I know you" And after a short awkward shift in tone with PC thinking she was racist thinking all weirdly tall mask collectors were the same person, Gay cackles, swaps to a mask of wild laughter, and says "Did you appreciate my joke?"
Turns out PC caught Gay sitting by a river of souls, stating they find it "relaxing." And proceeds to turn a piece of one of their shattered masks into a beach ball that gets tossed around by the flailing souls being whisked away. Gay gives her a hint, light plane lore, and directions on where to go when asked at this point, Gay was just the PCs very hands off guide when she goes to other planes so as to give her SOME kind of hint as to which direction her main goal is. But mostly sticking to a few random spots far away and immediately leaving to do whatever they came here for in the first place after a bit of talking.
And the FINAL of the three Gay events happened when PC finally found the elf's brother and bested him in an incredibly close boss fight with a very confused party member. Turns out the one hijacking Eize was body to- somehow successfully gain a pact with nearly every demon including Glasya, who in DnD lore, I think? is a big deal since shes the daughter of the big boss of DnD Satan. And the PC isnt fond of Eize's "parasite" using his body for evil. PC is upset. The elf whos watching her brother being puppetered like this, is upset. And the NPC is completely clueless as he lacks the context of wtf they're both talking about.
But loyal to the end, NPC helps his friend beat up her suddenly evil brother and with just a bit of health left, she tries to teleport them back home...? Back... to the normal DnD plane. i don't know what its called. But she forgot to bring Eize and the NPC tutorial friend. The guy she spent all this time trying to get and several irl months trying to find. Because all creatures need to touch the staff to teleport to a new plane and she thought that simply holding hands with someone else would drag them along. It didnt. So now she has to wait several in game hours while her ally is in literal Hell with the enemy while she has a measly 2 hit points left after the battle. So she goes back to the wizards who give her a health potion and casts a plane spell. I dont remember if thats a thing they can do but i did mention they could do it once months ago so PC just asked them to just teleport her there.
With limited time and limited health, she's spawned right back to where she did before in Baator with Gay still just chilling by the river of souls. PC desperately asks Gay to take her to Glasya's castle where Eize and her friend are still probably laid out. Gay just looks at her and says "...You're still here?"
And so engages an attempt to persuade Gay to help.... and it fails. Because I, in my brief and probably flawed readings, understood devils in DnD to be really into the idea of only helping IF you have something to offer, Gay says, "I must obey the rules of this plane, and that requires me to only help you in return of something of value. However there is nothing of value you have for me. So I cannot aid."
She tries again, saying that if she doesn't get to her brother soon, they could start a massive war against the other planes. Which... didnt need a roll. Aasfaraabas dont really give a hoot about any of that. So that one just automatically failed. "Oh, my sweet girls. The safety or conquer of the planes does not concern my kind." Didnt work either.
So in a huff PC was about to just leave. Then one more idea comes to mind. In the form of the elf shes hijacking asking her to trade knowledge about PCs non-fantasy homeworld. A persuasion roll here and it actually works!
So Gay yells something in another language and just stops time so they can hear her story. For Gay has Wish. Any spell is theirs to use including the one to stop time. "Very well. If you wouldn't mind, I will take my payment now." So they sit down and after telling Gay all about her own world with bikes, trains, cars, and a bunch of technology, And so Gay is content and simply snaps her around the proper location she needs to be. Not the exact area since theres no way to know exactly where to put her but Gay had a general idea and made the trek significantly shorter.
And that was it. Thats the final appearance of the most powerful random NPC i've ever created who just so happens to be a favorite among me and the player AND a very fun character to write. Half of the time, the descriptions of what the guy were just vague and confused as though I, the DM, didnt know what to call him. Saying things like "the tall.... thing stared down at you." "The masked.... thing" The word Aasfaraaba was foreign to the player since i didnt tell her. It was her first game and I wanted things to be naturally told via the game and the species name was never brought up in Gay's 3 whole appearances. Gay was just Gay. It became a little joke that "Gay was just Gay" The other player didnt want to know what Gay was. Didnt need to know Gay's gender. Gay was just Gay.

Ok... So first off I LOVED this series. But this one scene was beyond cringe for me. Like, you've got 4 snowcats and a truck, driving in ice and snow - obviously they can't go that fast. But when you stop to think about the fact that they are truly only going like 15mph max, rewatch the scene. IT'S HILARIOUS 😂 You can start to see how the directors and film crew tried to give each shot more action with flyovers shots and long exaggerated close up facial cuts. It's really REALLY funny. At one point the director made a slip up and allowed a shot that showed the tracks passing over the snow and you can somewhat see how fast everything was really going. I was like... "Why don't they just get out and run to jump on the other rig...?" Hahaha

Hello. I am almost 22 and I am looking for older people to give me some advice. I know that addiction is a disease, and a gnarly one. I have my own personal struggles, but my main concern related to the topic is my father. He will be 54 this year and I am starting to get worried that he will not live to see me have children. We have not always had the closest relationship, but I do love and care for him greatly. I will kind of set the stage of my father, his personality and his past. Apologies in advance if this post is not typically what people come here to read, but I have never really told anyone my story about my dad in its entirety, and I just kind of want to get it off my chest. And I also just watched The Whale, and regardless of how you feel about the movie, it made me feel things about my own father in a weird way and those emotions are real and separate from the media that probed them.
My mother admits, without saying the exact words, that she settled. She was in her late twenties and she strongly desired a family and felt that her time was "running out". She is my dad's second wife. They live together essentially as roommates. They get into huge screaming matches that start at the silliest, most trivial things, like loading the dishwasher inefficiently. The fights always circle back to the core truths that they hold about one another, the deep discomfort that each of them have with certain traits of the other. My mother is too loud and too emotional. She is messy and, if she lived alone, would almost certainly have collected a menagerie of abandoned animals by now. My father is a functional alcoholic living in denial. He has an intense desire for control of his surroundings. A few people that know me and my family intimately enough have come to me genuinely asking if my father is autistic. I am not sure if I agree or how I feel about that, but it is an observation that has been made about him more than once. He has pretty severe anxiety that he is medicated for (Xanax) but rarely takes, instead choosing to self-medicate (booze). He was not very present in my life growing up, although we always lived under the same roof. My mother taught me how to drive, how to ride a bike, how to ice skate, how to write, how to read, how to bake. Ironically, he is a teacher, and yet was never there for many of life's crucial lessons. My dad is always lingering out the outskirts of my memories, watching me from afar. We fought heavily during my teen years when I first began realizing how he had stepped back from my childhood to instead focus on his work and drinking. Those are the two things he puts the most time, money, and energy into. That, and I guess science fiction movies about space, and maybe listening to ambient music and Radiohead.
I live about two hours from my parents currently, and last week my mom came to see me and get lunch. She said that my father is cutting back on the drinking. This is certainly not the first time, this is a perpetual new year's resolution for him that always seems to peter out around the first gloomy days of February. If he can make it without drinking for 30 days, he's not a "real" alcoholic, right? The difference this time, is that when he tapered down to one drink a day he started going through withdrawals. He got the shakes and the sweats. Selfishly, I'm glad I wasn't home to see that. It makes me worry that his habits are going to catch up with him. The things he jokes about, how he's gone through "a dozen livers in his life so far", no longer seem very funny, if they ever even were. He was a bartender in college, and alludes to the fact that it was there his issues with alcohol began, though he never explicitly says it. He'll say, "When I was a bartender, you know, I had to start biking to work so I could get myself home" and that sort of thing. His genes also aren't on his side. Much of his side of the family are heavy drinkers, they are northern people who say they drink to keep warm in the cold and desolate winters. But, that no longer seems to make much sense when great uncle bill starts showing signs of alcohol-related dementia and cousin Doug can drink a whole handle of vodka when he's out ice fishing and then drive three hours home.
Sorry again for the long post. All of that to say, what do I do here? My dad's social life revolves primarily around drinking. He doesn't have any hobbies that he doesn't do while drinking. He used to brew beer a lot with his friends when I was a kid but over the past decade or so he's shifted to drinking only liquor. He starts in the afternoon on his days off work, maybe noon, and then continuously drinks until he goes to bed. He tells me that vodka tastes sweet to him, and he has a certain gene that makes his tastebuds different (he is a biology and genetics teacher btw). He was hospitalized for a night a couple years ago and my parents have not really told me the specifics. Something to do with his blood pressure and sodium levels. I suspect it is connected to his drinking, otherwise he would have told me what was wrong. He has enough awareness of his issue to not discuss it in plain terms, but not enough to actually do anything about it. The only person who has called him out on his drinking, besides my mother (he has been dismissing her for years, although she has almost left him over it), is my parent's neighbor. She used to drink with him frequently, and she introduced him to marijuana. After a couple publicly embarrassing incidents, she went to rehab and has now been sober for three years. She told my mother once that my dad reminds her of herself, and not in a good way. My dad takes things very personally and he will avoid you for a long time if you say something to him that he doesn't like. He has thin skin and deals incredibly poorly when faced with criticism.
How do I talk to him about this without him shutting me down and brushing me off? I feel like since I am young, he will not take me seriously in my concerns about him, as that is what he usually says to me when I try to give him advice about things. Perhaps I am not the right person to talk to him about this anyway, but I still want to help. If you have read this whole thing, thank you. Truly, thank you. It feels good to put these thoughts that have been swirling in my head for years into words.

Yo, I've never posted as far as I remember BUT I think I speak for all of us when I say that the mods for this sub are absolutely NOT doing even the bare minimum.
Obviously fake videos that purposely put animals in distress for some fake internet points are apparently completely okay by the current mods, despite the fact that no decent human being would find half of this shit funny enough for even a chuckle!
So either make someone, me or literally anyone who actually gives a shit about these animals, into a moderator OR rename the fucking sub. Because clearly, this subreddit is not meant for funny dog videos.

3rd: Sandra Diaz-Twine 1.0 (Pearl Islands - Winner)

we're not worthy.
u/SMC0629:
Sandra 1.0 is my favorite winner of the show, and while that could change (since her, Chris D, and Fabio are all super close), I still think she's flawless. Pearl Islands Sandra has this rawness in both her humor and emotional moments that I honestly don't think any other season with her can replicate. In her following seasons, you can tell she's slightly playing a character in the back of her mind, but in her first season, it's all fresh. Her rivalry with Jon is spectacular, her relationships with Lill, Burton, Rupert, and Christa are great, and her journey to the end is incredible. Such a fantastic character and as of now, my favorite winner.
~
u/Zanthosus:
Her rivalry with Fairplay is legendary. Add onto that the fact that she’s the undisputed star of every scene she’s in and you have the recipe for a bonafide icon. No matter if it’s her haggling in the village, stealing the tarp, dumping out the fish, or getting loud too, she’s just incredible to watch. I may have mixed feelings towards what her legacy has become following her second win, but there’s no denying that Sandra 1.0 is absolutely incredible.
~
u/Tommyroxs45:
I CAN GET LOUD TOO, WHAT TH-. There’s a reason Sandra is the most quoted Survivor of all time, every time she is on screen she is an iconic queen and I will always love her for the entertainment she brought. Even though I would have Sandra 2.0 here over 1.0, I’m still glad at least one of them made it.
~
u/Regnisyak1:
Sandra is the ultimate subversion of a “hero” on Survivor, and I adore her for that. A quote machine (I CAN GET LOUD TOO, WHAT THE FUCK!), Sandra delivers the entertainment factor of the season and makes it an incredible time. While I do think Pearl Islands is a wee overrated, I can’t deny Sandra’s incredible role in the season, her bickering with Fairplay, her friendship with Rupert and Christa, and her absolute decimation of Burton led to some of the most entertaining parts of the season. She is the queen, and she will stay in that position until the end of Survivor.
Personal Rank: 15/821. 10/10.
~
u/ninjedi1:
Sandra is a really great winner, although not my favorite. She's an amazing personality and has great chemistry with Rupert, Christa, JF, and so many others. There are so many great lines that she says like "I CAN GET LOUD TO WHAT THE FUCK" and so many more, plus her able to overcome everything to make it to the finale and win is great. Also, love the most iconic opening confessional she has.
~~~~~
u/DryBonesKing:
This one… I've started this writeup over and over, trying to figure out precisely what I want to say. Because, honestly, what is there to say that hasn’t already been said? Sandra Diaz-goddamn-Twine (her full, government name, btw. Check it out) literally speaks for herself. She’s honestly probably the safest person to say is one of your favorite Survivors of all time because of just “how” much she can appeal to anybody! Are you a narrative person? Sandra’s got that in spades, with two back-to-back revenge narratives that feel genuinely fresh. Are you here for the funny? SHE CAN GET LOUD TOO, WHAT THE FUCK, and she’ll make you laugh as she does so! Are you a strategy fan? Well, the masterclass UTR gameplay and the two-time winner status sorta speaks for itself. Are you a Facebook-casual type of fan? Well, while you are the type to most likely dislike her, she is Rupert’s buddy so you can definitely root for her for that reason at the very least! Again, there’s something about her for everybody!
It becomes hell trying to think of what to actually say about her that hasn’t already been said about her in the past. A part of me is tempted to do a long-form essay on why specifically Pearl Islands Sandra is better than her HvV version - and that was my original plan - but I definitely am a little burnt out at the moment to do a super in-depth version of that writeup, and I worry that a “not fully perfect” write-up of that will just come across mean-spirited regarding my Heroes vs. Villains take. So, I’ll save those thoughts for a later date. As for what else to possibly write about… well, her narrative has been dissected to death in previous rankdowns. A lot of her best moments are just common knowledge to Survivor fans. Is there any unique perspective I can provide about Sandra?
Well… yes. And quite frankly, it’s probably the most important one to me, as it is what keeps Sandra in my top five of all time and in rotation for occasionally being my favorite player of all time. And it’s specifically what her win means to me.
Like, Sandra’s Pearl Islands win is just grand, okay? Her getting revenge for Rupert? Her outlasting and overcoming both Burton and Fairplay? Her playing a near perfect game and almost shutting-out Lil? Her being this personification of hero and villain and the perfect type of winner to best represent Pearl Islands? Like it’s all great on a superficial storytelling level. Pearl Islands would be a weaker season with literally any other winner, and that’s an incredible feat when you consider the caliber of that cast!
But like… to me, the thing that truly feels the most central about Sandra is just how unapologetically Latina she is. While Sandra’s opening confessional where she drops a “shit” to open the season is iconic, her first “moment” is that village scene where she shines as Drake’s hero completely setting up their tribe for success. And she does so with her Spanish. She hustles. She barters. She jokes about Trish being loved in a sexual way. She gets Fairplay to give her the only compliment he will ever give her in the entire season. And this energy is something she just continues with.
In her later seasons, there is definitely an aspect of Sandra that definitely feels “grander”. Like, she’s the two-time winner, “Queen Stays Queen” persona with much more of an ego and a general feeling that Sandra the character is there and being the best in any given scene. And, like, I’m not trying to shoot down on the authenticity of her in Heroes vs Villains, or Game Changers, or Winners at War, but it’s just objectively a fact that she now has an idea of who she is in Survivor lore and is presented to fit that viewpoint.
But in Pearl Islands, she’s just a normal woman. She’s just “Changa”. There’s no filter, and it just feels so much more humane. And then when you put her up against these larger than life figures like Rupert “the pirate” and Jonny Fairplay “the scientifically-designed Survivor heel”, Sandra just feels even more powerful that she is able to scream and shout and scheme and keep her character on their level. And she’s doing this while also being such an amazing representation for the Latino communities!
Jessie Camacho may have been the first, but she essentially was a non-entity in Africa thanks to her sickness/early boot. To us Latino viewers, Sandra really was the very first prominent Latino representation. From the focus on her Spanish-speaking to the fact that in the loved one visit challenge that she said her favorite food was Arroz con Gandules to just her mannerisms and the way she carries herself… Again, I’ve talked about this multiple times already in my write-ups, but I felt so seen.
Seeing her become as big of a character as she did was already amazing. And then seeing her ultimately end up winning… I’ve already mentioned this in my Yam Yam write-up, but I cried. Like, a lot. Because Sandra just felt unlike any other character on Survivor before. I truly felt like I could know her, that she was like a tia that I probably could have, a prima I’d have visited on the weekends… that’s the impact she had on me. And seeing this more relatable person end up being the winner of easily the best season of Survivor I had ever seen up to that point… my younger self could barely contain it.
Does Sandra deserve a much longer, more story-focused write-up? Possibly. But honestly… my love for Changa is a lot more personal. So any attempt over the past almost-month of working on these final write-ups, nothing just felt right to me. I’m not sure how fitting of a read this will feel to someone else, but to me… it just seems right. Sandra is my third favorite of all time. She’s occasionally my favorite of all time depending on my mood. She was my favorite for the longest time ever. And ultimately why? Because when she won, I cried my eyes out because I was so happy.
Literally, a perfect Survivor player. Thank you, Sandra Diaz-Twine. For making Survivor that much more important and transformative to me.
SMC0629: 4
DryBonesKing: 3
Zanthosus: 11
Tommyroxs45: 16
Regnisyak1: 11
DavidW1208: 2
ninjedi1: 11
Average Placement: 8.286
Total Points: 58
Standard Deviation: 6.651 (9th Highest)

I (20m) was recently excommunicated from my college friend group, seemingly out of nowhere, for a multitude of reasons that seemed vague and argued in bad faith from my perspective. Among them was that in the aftermath of being diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder, Polymyositis, which caused me to lose the bulk of my muscle mass and made it so that I could barely walk for several months, needed a cane to do so, and even then had several falls where I injured myself further, I spent less time with them and more time with my girlfriend (19f) who acted as a caregiver for me during my recovery. They also asserted that my personality changed because I spent too much time with her and that they no longer related to me or found me funny, although this could also be chalked up to the amount of medications i’ve been put on since the diagnosis including antidepressants. My medication also meant that I could no longer drink with them, which excluded me from I would say over 50% of our hangouts to begin with. Another issue brought up was that I drove myself places instead of walking with them, which they found rude despite the fact that, again, I could barely walk.
I don’t feel that my ex-friends were justified in their treatment of me and I don’t genuinely believe that I wronged them by choosing to spend more with my girlfriend than them while recovering from a serious illness. Even if they did feel hurt by this, which I’m willing to accept and own up to, it feels wildly disproportionate to me that this would be something they would excommunicate me over rather than having a simple conversation about their feelings. They’ve left me with no friends at college apart from my SO, and the whole situation has made me more depressed than I’ve ever been. Is it fair of them to feel this way even though my disorder explains my behavior for virtually every issue they listed having with me?

16M.
School problems:
Homeschooled my whole life until I was forced to go to public in 5th grade. I didn't think it was that bad so I decided to stay for 6th grade, it was awful. Failed math and just barely passed in the other classes. Came back home for 7th grade (supposedly) and just couldn't bring myself to do anything school-related, despite the fact that it was easier than ever and my mom's consistent pestering. Things have not changed at all since then and I just cannot for the life of me bring myself to do ANYTHING related to school. I'm supposed to graduate in two years and I am still unable to do basic fucking arithmetic.
Social problems:
Most of my life, any and all social interaction or contact I got was through the church. My mom worked at the church, I would do school work while she was working and I went on sundays so I practically lived there. Every single friend I've made IRL was made in that building and now I feel like I'm stuck there. Afaik there's not really any other social activity that I can do and I'm so hesitant to talk to people I don't know because I don't know what to say. Almost every person I actually talk to now is a friend I've made on discord and I've become closer with people on there than I have anyone in the church or otherwise. I want to have more IRL friends and like a girlfriend and stuff but there just isn't really anywhere to go.
Incident:
My dad was a carpenter who did contract work with his friends for a home improvement company. Circa 2022 he mowed over a nest of yellow jackets, which he is allergic to, went into alcohol withdrawal during his month of ICU, and came back out with a brain injury. His personality changed completely, he's weaker, and he's a complete asshole to me and mom now. Then, to make it all even worse, his company laid him and all of his friends off.
Hospital bills that we'll be paying off until we die, Mom working two jobs now to make ends meet, man who was previously a very calm and collected individual is now mean to everyone and I resent him, even though I know it's not his fault. All of this has sort of piled up and now I feel like I have some sort of responsibility to help my mom.
Does it motivate me to fix my school situation...? HAHAHAHAHA that's funny.
I have this crushing sense that I am wasting my teenage years but I just for the life of me can't seem to get off of my ass and do ANYTHING about it. Everything is just so much and, even trying to approach it with baby steps, I keep stubbing my toe on the second step, and instead of continuing to climb the stairs I just give up.
Therapy, gym membership, things like that are just simply out of question because we don't have enough money for it.
There's nothing I really have to break this cycle but I'm tired of it. I've always given up so easily with everything and it's all happening in the stage of my life that I'm supposed to be having fun and being healthy in.
What do I do?
Sorry for the venting.

This is the first time I write here. First of all, I don't speak English (but I'm learning), so everything I'll tell you is translated from a page, so I hope the translation doesn't change too much (sorry if it does).
I graduated in early March, and while waiting to find out if I was accepted to university or not, I killed time on the internet, or reading something. One day in April, I saw the statuses of my friends, including that of my friend (now ex-friend) Elena, where she uploaded a photo at the beach, which got me thinking that I would also like to go out to the beach or some other place, because until that moment I hadn't gone anywhere.
Days later, my mom woke me up early asking if I wanted to accompany her to the beach, to which I agreed, and while we were on the way, I sent a message to Elena, telling her that I had seen her statuses and that it made me sad because I also wanted to go out, and now I was going to do it, as if I had manifested it. I thought she would laugh, because that's why I sent her the message. She saw the message, but didn't reply, and I didn't pay much attention to it, why should I?
Months went by without us talking, I didn't pay much attention either, because I'm not someone who spends all day sending messages to my friends. But recently was Elena's birthday, and I didn't find out until she posted photos of her small gathering with our group of friends.
That took me by surprise, and to be honest, it made me very sad.
I asked my friend who went to the party about Elena's birthday, and he asked me why I didn't go, and I replied that I wasn't invited. I asked if he knew anything, and he said no.
He told me to ask her why she didn't invite me.
I sent a message to Elena wishing her a happy birthday, thinking that when she read it she would say something about why she didn't invite me, but instead she just replied thanking me for my congratulations.
My friend insisted that I should ask her, but to be honest, I felt embarrassed to ask her because I thought she would see me as resentful, so instead I downloaded a meme and edited it as an indirect message and put it in my status for Elena to see (all as a joke), in fact, I was laughing along with my friend about it.
I was sad because I didn't understand why she didn't invite me, not so much because I didn't go to her birthday, I'm not resentful about that, what made me sad is that we were supposed to be friends and she didn't consider me. I spent a long time wondering what I had done wrong for her to be angry with me, but nothing came to mind.
The whole night passed and she never replied.
I begged my friend to ask her, but he said I had to do it, but I still felt embarrassed to write to her, so I downloaded more memes, edited them, and put them in my status (they didn't have her name, just things like what represents me in the background and the others representing those who have fun. I didn't see anything wrong with it, they were just that, memes of what I found funny about my situation).
After a while, before my first class started, she replied to me.
She said she didn't invite me because she didn't like what I had written to her last time. I asked her confused about what thing, and she replied about how I had overlooked many things, and that she tried to be a good friend and that she hadn't even treated me badly. I asked her again about which message, and she replied with the message I had sent her about how I also wanted to go to the beach.
I was shocked.
She wrote to me that she didn't like that message, that even though it wasn't her way of being, she behaved like that because of how I had behaved with her, that she was going to invite me to the party but she had discussed it with other people and they also didn't like my attitude.
I was confused, I replied saying that in the message I meant that I also wanted to go out for a walk because I hadn't done it, and that I had no intention of offending her.
She replied saying that my message was out of place and that along with other things that had happened, that's what had made her angry.
She brought up a problem we had in the past to which I had already apologized and never did anything to make her feel bad again.
The problem was this:
Years ago I had a friend, let's call him Alex, he and I became friends in my second year of school through a mutual friend (now ex-friend). Elena came in when we were in virtual classes, and we became friends when we all returned to face-to-face classes.
It was by chance that we started talking because it turned out that Alex and Elena were dating. Great, I didn't see anything wrong with that.
But as time went by, she started having a lot of problems with Alex, and she always vented to me.
It got to the point where I could never say something that made me happy, or that made me sad because she always changed the conversation and made it about something that made her happy, or sad, which I always listened to.
One day, tired of her never listening to me and of her always making the conversation all about her, I told her that if Alex was so bad to her then she should break up with him (I didn't say it impulsively, it was something we had been talking about for a long time, and I didn't tell her to break up with him until she hinted at it first), but Alex found out that I had said that so he ended his friendship with me.
I was very sad because I value my friends a lot.
She took his side and they continued to be boyfriend and girlfriend.
Many things happened, that and including my recent breakup of friendship with another friend, which ended up making me angry.
I admit that I wasn't the best friend to her during that time, I was angry, I was indifferent, and because of her attitude of "I didn't do anything wrong" every time the topic came up, I would talk about how she had treated me and her attitude (I didn't start the conversation).
At that time, I couldn't even recognize myself, I was never mean to her, but I was going through depression (I had just ended a very toxic and manipulative friendship, and along with that, other personal problems), so I wasn't very friendly with her, to say the least (I never yelled at her or insulted her, it's not like I humiliated her in public or anything like that, to be honest, the only thing I did was to say that she had been mean to me), why didn't she make an effort to support me when I supported her? Aren't friends supposed to do that?
On Christmas, she invited all the girls from our group of friends, including me, and I realized that I didn't want to be angry with her anymore.
So I asked her for my most sincere forgiveness, which she accepted.
After that, I was kinder and more friendly, as I really am, but the point is that I thought we had solved everything.
I invited her to all the gatherings we had at my house, and we always had fun. Even after our graduation, we kept texting each other.
Everything was fine until the issue with the message about going to the beach.
She got angry and threw everything back at me.
She wrote to me that she thought I was jealous because Alex was with her, that it seemed like I liked her. To which I made a confused face.
What was she talking about? Nothing of the sort, I just saw her as a friend, let alone being jealous.
She talked about her religion and about God, about forgiveness, and turning the other cheek to those who are mean to us.
She told me all this so that I wouldn't do it again with my friends and so that I would know how to value them.
Damn. I value my friends a lot because I'm someone who has had a lot of bad luck when it comes to making friends, so I value those who have been good to me.
She said she would have liked our friendship to last longer, but unfortunately it couldn't, and she told me to take care of myself and to do well.
I replied that I understood and that I was sorry, that it was never my intention to hurt her. But since she reminded me of what had happened, I reminded her of how much she had hurt me first.
She hurt me a lot, I only responded in a bad way because of how she treated me, and I apologized for that.
To which she replied that this time it wasn't about me, and that what had happened she had already apologized for (not that I remember).
At that moment my class was about to start so I didn't reply quickly, I spent all four hours of classes that day distracted because of what she had told me.
All of that was in the past, our friendship had returned, it never crossed my mind that she was angry about that.
And all because I wrote to her that I would like to go to the beach too. I just wanted her to laugh about it because it was so silly, and she interpreted it so differently, as if I had written an insult between the lines or something like that.
I wrote to my friend (the one I asked about the birthday party that she didn't invite me to) and asked him friend to friend if I had done something wrong, and he replied that he didn't see the point of why she was upset, and that if Elena didn't want to reason with me then I should distance myself.
I apologized for involving him.
I asked another friend (who doesn't know Elena, but I was honest and told him what had happened with her) and he said that there are friendships that are good and others that are bad, and that the people who are bad should be told to go to hell.
So I replied to Elena one last time.
I explained that I didn't want to fight, much less make her feel bad. I didn't understand why she was treating me like this when I thought we had solved everything.
I defended her as much as I could from the people who tried to hurt her, I was always there when she needed me, and I did everything to integrate her into our group of friends.
She always justified her actions with God, and she firmly believed that he would solve all her problems, which made me angry but I never told her, I believe in God, I have the belief that he helps you, but you have to help yourself too.
I wished her a good life full of happiness, but that I didn't want to see her again.
She continued to tell me, throwing in my face why her friendships lasted longer than mine.
She told me it wasn't true that when we talked everything was about her (it was), and she justified herself by saying that when she talked about herself they made her shut up, whereas with me, when I talked about something they never shut me up (I get very excited when I talk so I tend to talk a lot), but that didn't mean I didn't listen when others spoke, because I always paid attention to them.
She emphasized that when past friends hurt her she never stayed stuck, and that you don't die for a friendship (she knew perfectly well what happened with my old friend).
She said she didn't hold a grudge against me and that what I did didn't affect her. She wished me well, and that was it.
After that, I blocked her from everywhere.
I'm still confused.
Did I really have the blame?
She was the one who started it all.
I didn't tell you in more detail what happened between us, but that was a summary of what happened.
She's right about one thing, I'll never understand why all my friendships end badly. My only fault is being too complacent, letting myself be manipulated, and not seeing how bad they were with me until our friendship ended.
I promised myself that I wouldn't let myself be trampled again, so I got defensive when Elena started treating me the way she did.
I had just come out of a friendship that was very bad for me and that literally had me on the verge of death. For the first time I tried to defend myself, all this happened.
I was depressed for months, asking myself if I was to blame for why the people I called "best friend" ended up hurting me worse and worse.
And even though Elena wasn't someone I would consider my best friend, she was someone I loved and appreciated a lot, she hurt me a lot when she put me aside. I faithfully believed that we had solved our problems, why is she coming at me with this now?
Really. Am I the bad one?

I expected to have this posted very soon after my trip, but time got away from me! Even the prospect of writing this out is kind of daunting lol so props to all of you who post your trip reports (and I greedily read every word!). Whenever people say stuff like “this is so long, I don’t expect anyone to read this!” I’m always like “of course I’m going to read every word and love it!” But now I am the one telling you guys, this is very long and I can’t imagine who out there is going to read this lol
Thursday 5/16 - Travel Day
Flew to Naples where my friend lives. Plan was to stay two nights with her before we headed to Orlando for one “girls night” before my solo trip began.
Saturday 5/18 - Travel to Disney!
Left at 6:30am to drive to Orlando. It was her and her two girls (age 11 and 5). We had reservations for one night at Beach Club. We bounded as princesses (Tiana, Ariel, Aurora, Jasmine). We walked to Epcot at 11:30am and that short walk was INCREDIBLE. I can’t believe how close the park is!!! Beach Club is amazing for location alone! Here are the things we ate and experienced:
~~Toasted Pretzel Bread (Germany): 20/10 This was absolutely delicious and over the course of the week I think I ate it like 5-6 times lol
~~Raspberry Radler (Germany): same as above, LOVED
~~Harvested a Pearl (Japan): This was seriously THE BEST experience! We all got them put in necklaces. One of her daughters got a gray/blue pearl and it was gorgeous. Lots of attention when she showed mine bc it looked big and she kept moving it up the sizing plate. I ended up with an 8.5mm pearl! It was very exciting and lots of celebration by the workers and crowd. They said it was the largest of the day. Honestly, I recommend this to ANYONE. It was less expensive than I expected, $29 to harvest the pearl, then I think I spent $23 on a cage for it, and I chose to buy a necklace for it to wear right away and that was $26. I am 100% doing it again in September when I go back for my 40th birthday (and I told my hubby he is doing it too and will love it!)
~~Lemon Drop Shandy (The Citrus Blossom): 7/10 good! nothing exceptional, I liked the radler better
~~Cinnamon Roll Bites (Brunchcot): 6/10, I was so excited for these but they were just average. I think maybe if we had a batch that had more frosting it might have been better. They weren’t bad, just not outstanding. Loved the bacon crumbles though!
~~Guardians of the Galaxy: the only reason this is making it into the notes is bc of my Reliefband. I get motion sickness. I tried Guardians last fall (after 2 dramamine) and still had to sit for about an hour afterward to chill and not be sick. I decided to purchase a Reliefband (classic version, Amazon, $129) to try out this trip and see if it would work. I was very skeptical. But I am here to say it worked 1000000000%. I was so blown away. Absolutely ZERO feelings of motion sickness during or after the ride. Kept my eyes open the whole time (it’s the visual speed that usually gets me, screen rides get me too). I am not a big thrill ride person, so incidentally this time around I realized this isn’t the ride for me. I just don’t enjoy it that much, BUT the big deal is to find out that is my ride preference and has nothing to do with motion sickness. It was so liberating not having my motion sickness control me! Ooooo, also, I was absolutely ecstatic that I got the song I’ve always wanted!! Everybody Wants to Rule the World!
We left Epcot at 4pm and went back to the resort to check in. First of all, it’s so gorgeous there. The room was wonderful, the lobby is beautiful and smells amazing. I wish we had the money to always stay deluxe bc I get why people love deluxe resorts so much!
Dinner at Ale & Compass (Yacht Club): 7/10, again, food was decent but nothing exceptional. Actually the Parker House Rolls were 1000% worth the hype, I got the NY Strip Steak though, asked for medium rare and I think it was more medium and that ruined it a bit for me (also taste was just meh)
We spent about an hour and half swimming at Stormalong Bay after dinner. That pool is seriously incredible. I never want to experience anything but a sand bottom pool again. The. Absolute. Best.
18,525 steps
Sunday 5/19 - Girls Leave and Solo Begins
We checked out and then had a Beaches and Cream reservation at 11:30am. We shared the Bacon Ranch Totchos (7/10 tasty but too much topping for me), Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup (grilled cheese 9/10, tomato soup 6/10), aaaaand the Kitchen Sink Sundae (9/10)! Was it smart for us to get this with only two adult women and two children? Probably not. But boy was it fun and delicious and we put way more of a dent in it than I thought we would lol. A little siren goes off in the restaurant when one is brought to a table and there is a back and forth with kitchen staff and customers (they say something about a “whole can of whipped cream” and customers answer back as a group) and it was a very fun vibe! In fact that is one of the reasons I rate it a 9/10 haha, bc I think there is just too much whipped cream and a lot of the ice cream is just buried.
We swam at Stormalong bay for 2 more hours before they dropped me off at All-Star Movies and they headed home to Naples.
Magic Kingdom (solo)
I got into my room at All-Star Movies (Love Bug building 6) and tbh I didn’t mind its distance to the bus stop, maybe bc it was just me, but I didn’t have a problem with it, I thought the walk was quick enough. I was in Magic Kingdom by 5:30pm.
6pm PeopleMover (walk on) 5 min posted
6:30pm Pirates of the Caribbean (walk on) 10 min posted
6:45pm Thunder Mountain (10 min) 15 min posted
7:10pm Enchanted Tiki Room (10 min) 15 min posted
7:40pm Haunted Mansion (20 min) 20 min posted
8:25pm Got the Sweet and Spicy Chicken Waffle sandwich at Sleepy Hollow: 7/10, the taste was great, I don’t like spicy stuff but this wasn’t too spicy. The only con is that the bottom of the waffle was kind of soggy and I didn’t really eat that part.
8:55pm in spot for HEA
9:40pm Peter Pan’s Flight (25 min) 10 min posted
Spent a lot of time in gift shops and doing photopass on my way out of park
11:10pm On bus back to resort
19,626 steps
Monday 5/20 - Animal Kingdom
6:45am On the bus to AK
7:22am Scanned into the park
7:32am Nav’i River Journey (6 min) 10 min posted
8:05am Kilimanjaro Safari (18 min) 25 min posted, was off the safari at 8:45am
9:05am Pongu Pongu - tried the Pongu Lumpia! I know this snack is controversial, it seemed like it was up my alley, but others have said the same and didn’t end up liking it so I was expecting to ultimately dislike it. I enjoyed it! 8/10 would eat again!
9:15am Gorilla Falls Trek, walked for 20 mins
9:45am It’s Tough to be a Bug - this was my first time, honestly, I think I have read articles and seen so many vlogs calling it startling and scary that I think I was expecting the worst so much that it wasn't….that….bad? I didn’t mind it? (side note: the ONLY time this entire trip that I wore tennis shoes was the morning of Animal Kingdom. My feet were hurting by the time I went into this show, so while it was going on I switched to my flip flops and my feet took a complete 180 degrees. I wore flip flops the rest of the trip and had zero issues with sore feet. I guess I’m just a flip flop girly???)
10:15am Feathered Friends in Flight - was actually heading to 11am Lion King but a CM I passed was announcing to people that the bird show was starting at 10:30 so I decided to detour there. It was great!
11:00am Maharajah Jungle Trek, walked for 20 mins, this was the most beautiful trail for me, absolutely lovely!
11:30am Eight Spoon Cafe - got the BBQ pork MacnCheese, found a spot to sit down by Drinkwallah and that is my go-to spot now. It is shaded and the carved tables and chairs are so pretty. I really like that little (hidden?) sit-down area!
12:00pm Discovery Trails, walked for 10 mins, then looked around shops in Discovery Island and Asia
12:50pm Rafiki’s Planet Watch (5 min) I did not get off the train, at this point I needed a break but I did not want to go back to resort, so I sat on the Wildlife Train and drank lots of water, I went around the circuit twice, got off at 1:30pm
1:45pm Festival of the Lion King, got in line for 2pm show, this was my first time…it BLEW MY MIND, absolutely loooooooved this. So so much. It was wonderful!
3:00pm Dinosaur (5 min) 15 min posted - first time! Honestly, I have heard so many disparaging comments about this ride I expected it to be terrifying, painful and just not fun. Again, I had an opposite experience! I love dinosaur movies (like Jurassic park) so I really enjoyed this one. I hope it is still there to ride when I am back in the fall!
3:30pm Nomad Lounge (added myself to waitlist on app, there was no “wait” got the text pretty much immediately) This was such an important break out of the heat. I spent an hour here to recharge. I drank a lot of water, had a delicious cocktail Lamu Libation 10/10, Ahi Tuna Poke Bowl 8/10, and Churros 10/10. I was able to charge my phone in an outlet at the bar. It was the perfect break!
5:00pm Left AK and headed back to resort
7:20pm Scanned into Hollywood Studios, walked around, looked through gift shops
8:20pm Catalina Eddie’s: got the Toffee and Coconut Blondie to take with me into Fantasmic! You guys…this is an absolute favorite of mine! My friend got it at NYE and forced me to try it (I didn’t want to bc I am not a coconut fan) but I fell in LOVE. Definitely a 20/10. I was so excited to get it again this trip. If you don’t love coconut, I find it very mild, you should definitely give it a shot.
9:00pm Fantasmic!
10:00pm Got on the bus to All-Star Sports instead of Movies bc in the gift shop at my resort the worker had told me I could find the pin I was looking for at the Sports gift shop. It was the 30 yr Anniversary pin of All-Star Resorts. I bought that and walked all the way back to my building, was back by 10:30pm
31,437 steps
Tuesday 5/21 - EPCOT
10:00am Scanned in at Epcot - kind of embarrassing…I was “that person” to hold everyone up. The past two days I did not need a park reservation, so I didn’t even think anything of it, but they told me one was required this day and he was setting one up for me on his ipad but then it kept erroring out, I felt TERRIBLE.
10:25am - Living with the Land (5 min) 5 min posted
10:50am - Nemo and Friends (15 min) 15 min posted
11:15am - Journey of Water walkthrough
11:40am - bought the Spike’s Pollination Exploration Scavenger hunt, it was nice bc it was 30% off with the rest of the F&G merch and I got my 20% discount on it. I mean it was only $10 regular price but I was still pretty happy lol
11:50am - got food!!! Toasted Pretzel Bread and Raspberry Radler (Germany) still 20/10, Frushi (Japan) 8/10, Fruit Punch Ale (America) 8/10 good but I would get the radler over this every time
1:00pm Frozen (40 min) 60 min posted, I got splashed a lot more than normal this time for some reason! Sat next to a girl who was videoing on a go-pro, asked if she was a vlogger but she said no and then we chatted for a min about our love of Disney vlogs, it was nice!
2:10pm Kringla Bakeri - Viking Coffee, 9/10 excellent!
2:30pm The Honey Bee-stro - Liquid Nitro Honey-Mascarpone Cheesecake, 10/10 LOVED, the cheesecake was smooth and creamy (even while “frozen”) and the tart blueberry compote that comes with it is a perfect pairing. Plus I was able to Pixie Dust someone here! There was a young girl in line in front of me by herself, she was maybe 13? Anyway she was trying to scan her magic band for payment and the CM told her the band was not authorized to be used for payment, she seemed a bit surprised and embarrassed and I stepped in and started scanning my magic band. It was honestly only $6.50. She tried to tell me no and that she would go get her mom, but I just overrode her and said “It’s Disney! Let me!” with a smile. We were both at the window to pick up our items together and when she got hers she unexpectedly leaned in and gave me a hug and thanked me again. I was so surprised and heartwarmed (and also felt bad that I was kinda sweaty lol). But anyway it was a wonderful moment!
2:45pm Bought the Spaceship Earth cookie jar that I have been wanting so badly! I got it with my gift card I got for “mothers day” from our pets :D
2:55pm Spaceship Earth (walk on) 5 min posted
4:00pm Bus back to resort for a break and shower bc it was a very hot day!
6:40pm Scanned back into EPCOT
6:45pm Spaceship Earth (walk on) 5 min posted
Walked around to find Spike for scavenger hunt
7:35pm Toasted Pretzel Bread and Raspberry Radler (again! lol)
8:00pm watched Garden Rocks concert
More Spike hunting!
9:00pm Luminous
9:10pm Started heading out of park
This was my toughest day of my whole solo trip for several reasons. 1) I don’t think I did enough sit down things, I was on my feet a ton 2) I was not being “park smart”. Epcot is huge enough in the first place but I was not navigating the park in an efficient way and ended up walking WAY more than I should have. Around 7:30-8pm I started to feel something pulled in my leg (after googling later maybe a mild issue with adductor tendon?) it was high up in my inner thigh, I decided to leave the park only 10 mins after Luminous started bc I really wanted to not push myself, the next day was going to be my Magic Kingdom day and that is my favorite park and would likely be a long day and I just didn’t want to ruin it.
29,183 steps
Wednesday 5/22 - Hollywood Studios (not Magic Kingdom!)
Woke up before 7am and decided to pivot on my plans bc of my leg. I decided to stay in the resort room until midday to rest my leg, and due to that decision I switched my park day from MK to HS. I figured if I was going to be in a park for less hours of the day I would rather sacrifice time in Hollywood Studios than Magic Kingdom. I bought Genie+ and bought an ILL for Rise of the Resistance for 1:40pm. This ended up being THE BEST decision I could have made. By the time I left my room, my leg was feeling 100% better and I did not have any issues with it for the rest of the trip!
1:15pm Scanned into Hollywood Studios
1:30pm Frozen Sing Along - I love this fricken show, I always want to see it every time I go to HS, I could watch it a million times, I am always impressed by the Arendelle Historians bc they are so funny, and while they will make jokes in a similar vein, they still have so much variety that you don’t see the same jokes when you watch shows with different historians. A++, this will always be one of my faves.
2:15pm Rise of the Resistance ILL - full A mode, also…bc I was wearing my Reliefband I was able to keep my eyes open during the drop with the simulation of flying through space. It was great!!!
3:00pm Smuggler's Run (G+) - okaayyyyyy, I have never been on this (due to motion sickness fears) but I decided to take the plunge. I got all the way to sitting in the seat and tbh I was terrified. I was by myself, I didn’t know exactly what to expect and I was not so much scared that I would be sick, I was confident in the Reliefband, but I was worried I would hate the simulated feeling of flying. That kinda freaks me out. So then, the ride doesn’t actually start and they tell us that a CM will be in to let us out bc it has malfunctioned and we will be given a LL back. I was quite literally SO RELIEVED. I will try that ride, but in September when I am with my husband!
3:30pm Woody’s Lunchbox - Adult Lemonade 10/10 and Raspberry Lunchbox Tart 7/10. I ended up getting two more Adult Lemonades throughout the night bc I thought they were delicious!! The tart was fine, it tasted “good” but nothing unique or outstanding.
4:00pm Beauty and the Beast Live
4:35pm Mickey and Minnie’s Runaway Railway (G+)
5:15pm Toy Story Mania (G+)
6:00pm Baseline Taphouse - Charcuterie Board 9/10 and Blood Orange Hard Cider 7/10
6:30pm Frozen Sing Along - I am not kidding about how much I like this show lol
7:10pm Mickey and Minnie’s Runaway Railway (40 mins) 45 min posted
8:20pm Rise of the Resistance (used the anytime pass I got for Smuggler Run going down) this time around we ended up having to walk down a hallway bc there was a technical difficulty with the 2nd pre show (where you enter the craft and get pulled in by the first order) we skipped that part and walked down a hallway straight into the storm trooper room. Everything else worked except for Finn.
8:45pm Ran my ass through Toy Story land (picked up an Adult Lemonade!) and hightailed it to Fantasmic! This ended up being a very good lesson for me. Getting to Fantasmic! just as it was starting was NOT a good idea. I was in the bleachers in the last section at the top, like with the walkway in front of you. You can hardly see anything back there. I will not make this mistake again. I left just as the floats started bc I could not even see them at all.
Browsed a lot of gift shops!
10:20pm Got on bus back to resort
I go back and forth on whether G+ was worth it today. Ultimately, I side on yes bc I didn’t even get to the park until 1pm, got to walk the park a ton, I did the most photopass spots here than I did on any other day, so Genie+ allowing me to just hop on 3 rides with no wait gave me the time to do all of that (and watch Frozen twice and B&B show), and I had the time to wait for Runaway Railway standby again. Also, bc the Smugglers Run malfunction allowed me to use a “LL” on Rise again, that alone made it worth it!
20,264 steps
Thursday 5/23 - Magic Kingdom
Wooooohoooo! My favorite park! I decided to get G+ today and get an ILL for Seven Dwarfs Mine Train for 7:40pm
9:10 Scanned into MK
9:25am Thunder Mountain (walk on) 10 min posted, this ride has never gotten to me in the past (motion sickness) but I was in the second to last cart and that made this ride feel faster and “dippier” and I did not care for it lol
9:40am Westward Ho - Crispy Chicken/egg/pepper jack breakfast biscuit, 9/10 would get again!
9:55am Pirates of the Caribbean (10 min) 15 min posted
10:25am Enchanted Tiki Room (walk on, got there just as they were ushering people in)
10:45am Enchanted Tales with Belle (12 min) 20 min posted
11:20am Little Mermaid (G+)
11:35am Mickey’s Philharmagic (10 min) 15 min posted
12:20 Carousel (15 min) 5 min posted - tbh this one pissed me off lol, bc I would have never gone on it had I realized I would wait 15 mins, 5 mins was a cruel trick haha
12:50pm Winnie the Pooh (G+)
1:05pm it’s a small world (G+)
1:35pm PeopleMover (8 min) 15 min posted
2:05pm Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger Spin (G+) - I didn’t remember thinking this ride was this hard! But after having just done Toy Story Mania the day before, I did not find this one to be as easy to “play”, I prefer Toy Story Mania!
2:20pm Monsters Inc Laugh Floor (17 min) 10 min posted
3:05 Peter Pan’s Flight (G+)
3:25pm Pecos Bills - slugged some water, had a coke (12/10 refreshing!) and nachos (4/10, I did not remember these being so spicy, I mean I don’t like spice so I am probably a wimp saying this but I did not enjoy these bc of the spiciness, will not get again)
4:00pm Stopped in Columbia Harbour house which was not too busy and found an empty table next to an outlet to charge my phone
4:45pm Haunted Mansion (G+)
Walked to First Aid station for Tylenol (headache)
5:20pm Pirates of the Caribbean (G+)
5:50pm Sunshine Tree Terrace - I tried the I Lava You Float, and I was sure it was going to be too sweet even though I have read many people’s reviews who loved it. I LAVA THIS FLOAT! 10/10 very much looking forward to getting again in fall!
6:05 WDW Train (Frontierland) (6 min) 10 min posted - I felt like chilling for a bit again so I did a full circuit and then went on to Fantasyland
7:05 Mickey’s Philharmagic (5 min) 10 min posted
7:35pm Seven Dwarfs Mine Train ILL - felt the same way about this one as BTM earlier, I was in one of the last carts (row 8) and it felt faster and dippier than in the past, no thanks!
8:10pm PeopleMover (20 min) 5 min posted - this should have been a walk on, but the ride went down as I was in line, I kept debating back and forth about leaving the line and coming back, but I just kept sticking it out a few more mins and a few more mins. Some people in line behind me were speculating if someone had puked on the ride bc of the workers going up. Not sure, doesn’t really matter, PeopleMover is the BEST at night!
8:50pm Seven Dwarfs Mine Train (35 min) 35 min posted - Listen, I wasn’t expecting to be on this ride during HEA, I was just trying to hop in line while everyone was waiting for fireworks bc the wait would be shorter, but the fact that I actually got on it in perfect timing to see fireworks?! Let me just say it is just as cool as everyone says it is! Also, they put me in row 8 again, grrrrr, is that the designated solo rider lane?
9:30pm TRON - I tried getting a boarding group at 7am and didn’t get in. So then my plan was to get in at 1pm but I totallyyyyyyy forgot about it and I remembered at 1:55pm and I was like “crap! I guess I will see if I can still buy an ILL”. I was about to do that and then I thought to myself, “maybe I should just see if the VQ is still open?” AND IT WAS! So I literally got a boarding group at 2pm, an hour after the VQ started, I was shocked and thrilled when I got one! Plus TRON is always so gorgeous at night. I actually have yet to ride it in the day lol And LISTEN, I get that most people prefer Guardians to TRON, I really do get it. BUT bc I am not that much of a thrill ride person, I like easier going coasters. I seriously love TRON so much. It is such a horizontal coaster that it’s like my ideal. You get the thrill from it being fast and a little dippy, but nothing crazy. It’s a fave for me!!!
10:30pm Casey’s Corner - French fries and coke, both 10/10 refreshing and needed the pick me up!
10:45pm Main Street Confectionary - It was on my to-do list to get the popcorn mix from here. I chose Butter Popcorn, dark chocolate sauce, pretzel pieces and snickers. 10/10 definitely recommend. Will be getting a mix again in September!
11:10pm Got on bus back to resort
Friday 5/24 - Bonus Day?!
This was supposed to be my travel day back home. My flight was set to leave at 5pm, but in the morning my husband told me about storms in the midwest and I got an email from the airline about “adverse weather conditions”, so I called and changed my flight to the next day at 7am. (It ended up being the right choice bc my original 5pm flight out of MCO was delayed multiple times until it was finally canceled at like 10:30pm) I was thankfully able to book another night at All-Star Movies and could stay in my same room. I quickly formed the plan to go back to Animal Kingdom to see Festival of the Lion King again bc I had enjoyed it so much earlier in the week and then go to EPCOT to finish the final 4 Spikes that I had not located yet for the scavenger hunt!
11:00am Scanned in at Animal Kingdom
11:50am Mr. Kamal’s - got the Chicken Dumplings that were on my list to try but I did not get the chance to on Monday, also went back to my favorite spot by Drinkwallah, the dumplings were like a 6/10. Idk just pretty average for a potsticker that you can get anywhere, I probably would not get them again
12:15pm walked around Dinoland to really soak it in just in case next time I come it is walled off!
1:pm Festival of the Lion King - man, this is just fantastic! Be Prepared is my favorite villain song and I get so pumped when they do that part!
1:50pm Satu’li Canteen - got the wood-grilled chicken protein bowl, with rice and black beans and the creamy herb sauce. Literally OH MY GOD, this was so flipping good! 20/10!!! Best thing I ate hands-down all week. I wasn’t sure I would eat the slaw in the bowl but that was delicious, the creamy herb sauce was amazing and those little boba balls that add the citrus burst?!?! So so good. I have already altered our plans for September to include two meals here so I can get this bowl twice next time lol
2:45pm Took bus back to Resort
5:30pm Scanned in at EPCOT
5:55pm Living with the Land (walkon) 10 min posted
6:15pm Awesome Planet (walkon, went into theater immediately and show started) This was my first time checking this out, I really enjoyed it! I will def watch again especially in the heat of the day when I just need to sit somewhere cool for a bit!
6:45pm Found Spike (1 of 4 left) by the Butterly Landing!
7:00pm Found Spike (2 of 4 left) in France
7:10pm Checked out the Annual Passholder lounge in Restaurant Marrakesh
7:35pm Gran Fiesta Tour (walk on) 5 min posted
7:50pm Found Spike (3 of 4 left) in Mexico
8:00pm Got another Toasted Pretzel Bread and Raspberry Radler from Germany (dont judge! lol)
8:10pm watched Lit at Garden Rocks concert (who doesn’t love “My own worst enemy”!?!?!?)
8:35pm Found final Spike in Japan!!! - this one was my ultimate nemesis. I had searched Japan on Tuesday, I had searched Japan (twice?) earlier on this day and I was all set to give up bc I couldn’t find the Kokedama garden. I just hadn’t looked up the stone path to the left of Japan. Finally saw it when it was dark out and got my final Spike!!!
8:50pm Journey of Water walkthrough (always better at night!)
9:05pm Shoutout to the photopass guy who I stopped by on my way out of the park, those were the most awkward poses I have ever done in front of spaceship earth but you tried your best and the photos make me laugh every time I see them!
29,941 steps
Overall Thoughts
10/10 Amazing Trip. I found out about people going on solo trips here on reddit late last year and I was immediately certain I had to book one. While I can be a very social person, I am also a loner in the fact that I do enjoy spending time in my own company (not everybody does) so I knew a solo trip was right up my alley. It was everything I hoped for and more. I didn’t have to consult anyone else, I could do what I want, when I want. Also, (not to brag….shhhhhh…I’m not bragging I swear) but I am not a complainer. The heat usually doesn’t affect me too much, I have a good amount of endurance so I get tired of course but it takes a lot. I’m pretty unflappable because I’m just happy to BE AT Disney World. Others I’ve gone with are not like this so much lol so it was nice to just be in my own company in the sense that I was always in a positive mood and didn’t have anyone dimming that? If that makes sense?
Safety
I am a petite woman. I am 4’10” and 118lbs so I am very aware of my size in terms of my safety. I can honestly say though that I felt safe throughout the whole trip. The one time that I got off the bus at All-Star Sports at 10pm to go to the gift shop and then walked all the way to Movies, that did worry me a bit but only as I was walking through the parking lot sections.
And I did get the crap scared out of me at the resort due to the requirement of a “visual check”. I had not ever heard of this, but I was in my room for a midday break and I had a knock at my door by housekeeping. I thought it was odd bc I had my “room occupied” sign out the whole time bc I didn’t feel the need for housekeeping, it was just me in the room. I said “no thank you” and they knocked and announced housekeeping again. I said “no thank you” louder. (internally I was thinking, can they not hear me through the door????) and they did it again! I finally went closer to the door and I heard the person mumble something about a “visual check” and I very sternly and loudly said “no!” bc I didn’t know what the heck they were talking about. I peeked through the curtain at my window and watched the guy walk past holding a phone in his hand. I think he was wearing a uniform shirt but I couldn’t totally tell. I decided to call the resort in the event this was someone trying to pose as housekeeping staff. They ended up relieving my fears by telling me it was legitimate. Apparently, you have to have your room checked at some point in your stay (I was staying 5 nights) if you choose not to get housekeeping. He explained this has to do with the Pulse Nightclub shooting. I guess they had stockpiled guns in their hotel room and kept not letting housekeeping in. He explained that is why they do the visual check, for the safety of all resort guests. I was 100% supportive once he told me that and I felt bad for yelling at the guy. But also, I am a solo woman and I had no idea what the hell was going on, and to be completely frank, I had just showered so I was in a tshirt and underwear which made me feel even more vulnerable bc I was not fully dressed! I was not letting that person in my room. The guy on the phone totally understood that and apologized for alarming me. I told him to have the guy come back and do the visual check. I apologized to him when he came in. He was in my room for all of 10 seconds and that was it. But it was certainly a crazy ordeal!
Walking
I was doing 20-30k steps each day and other than hurting my leg on Tuesday I was honestly fine. I had shin splints too but again, they weren’t terrible and by Thursday they were gone. I brought tennis shoes and flip flops intending to switch on and off throughout the week in order to prevent my feet from getting sore but that never happened. I spent 3 hours in the shoes on Monday before my feet started hurting and I never wore them again. I had 2 different pairs of flip flops the whole time. I guess that is what my feet like!
Backpack vs Loungefly
I typically wear a normal size backpack to the parks, but also I can usually share wearing it with my husband. I didn’t really consider how hard it would be to wear a backpack alllllllll day long. And it wasn’t even heavy, I didn’t put much in it at all, but still it wore on my shoulders and made them sore. On Wednesday I ended up getting a Loungefly even though they have never really been my thing. It honestly ended up being perfect. It felt different on my shoulders and I wasn’t getting sore like I was with a regular size backpack.
Waiting in Lines
I have often read that one of the things that bothers solo travelers the most is waiting in lines by themselves bc it’s boring and they have no one to keep them company. I thought I might feel this way too but waiting in lines was not bad at all to me. It’s so easy to be on your phone that whole time. I was looking at my photopass photos, browsing reddit, and inputting trip notes. I felt like waiting in line was not a hardship for me as a solo traveler.
Photopasses
This trip exceeded my expectations with photopasses! The number of photos each photographer took and the variety of positions and magic shots was awesome. I am assuming part of that is because I was solo? I am not sure but I just felt like the quantity and time spent at each photopass location was better than normal. Special shout out to Hollywood Studios, that day in particular was just awesome. Every photographer was awesome, but especially the ones in Galaxy’s Edge. I was having such an amazing time getting them!
Total Photopasses each day:
MK - 6 photopass spots
AK - 2 photopass spots
Epcot - 3 photopass spots
HS - 7 photopass spots
MK - 6 photopass spots
AK and EPCOT - 7 photopass spots
I can’t wait to do it all again in September with my husband!

Everything about her his irritating, well beyond the fact that she isn’t funny. Her arrogance strutting across stage as if she has such strong comedic presence, her insanely annoying voices and sound effects (especially that dolphin shit holy fuck,) her desperately over the top outfits and caked on makeup, even the way she cups the mic.
She really needs to hang it up.

Just got the most random thought when I was high which I decided to type into my messages. I don't know why I did it but Im gonna post it below cause it's funny to me. The first paragraph is the visual thought I was trying to interpret but could only imagine it visually and not interpret it with language. Anything below that is a log of my thoughts while trying to compose the paragraph on the visual thought I was trying to interpret. Disclaimer: every time I say "title" I am referring to the paragraph explaining my visual thought. The visual thought came to me as I was high and being very introspective of myself in my current life socialisation. I have copy and pasted the thought and composition of the thought below:
Brains processes on Social Function: Stores all interactions and thoughts on the people you speak to. With that information your brain is then able to create a second ego that can manifest itself as any of the people stored in your brain. This is dependent on how accurately that person is rembered and had an affect on you. With this information when you speak to a specific person, your brain makes links to your imagined persona of them. This imagined persona exists temporarily as a second ego in your brain and communicates with your ego. In terms of ego I am talking about thoughts and how you speak to yourself in your head. This communication is what dictates your ability to communicate with them through speech instead of thought. The way your ego interprets this conversation of raw unfiltered thoughts between the two of you is what creates your own thoughts on which you would of said to the person.
The Thoughts below are in order in terms of when they were thought:
Chronological order of thoughts:
It was my long term memory that was gone not my short term. It feels like I am a purveyor of my thoughts. Short term memory is what you use to recall long term memory. I'm too afraid my long term memory will go again. Your long term memory is what makes you you. I'm showing too much that I am philosophical. I lost my ability to create thought My high thoughts are fucking up with my thought processes like composing the above thought I had to reset my thought It felt like rebooting an old windows pc Time just feels so slow for me like on the regular It is taking me ages to form the above thought Reality is focusing on the above thought
Suddenly thinking of future:
I should sell my exam papers once I've received them marked and back.
Back to thoughts on forming the Title:
It feels like I don't know how to start a thought during writing the Title
I didn't understand in what context I should speak to myself which hindered my ability to compose the above thought.
While trying to type the above sentence, I went back to edit this log of thoughts which I am typing. It felt long to come back to typing this. The sum of these thoughts is the number of thoughts and length it took me to form the title. My thoughts feel like they are looping. This is because I am going back and forth to thinking about different thoughts on composing my thoughts and this thought log. The fact of trying to directly speak through these thoughts feel weird.
Back to thoughts on sentence above the above paragraph:
The title needs to be written in contexts to me
It took a long time to get back to thinking on the title
I think I've finished but I still feel like there's a bit more
This took me a long time to type and edit, the act of doing so changed the quality and content of the title.
End of thoughts
I am posting this straight unfiltered without fully reading it as I am high currently and can't be bothered to. I will in the morning. However please do comment and tell me what you think of it

For some clarification the photos have thankfully been taken down because I am a minor and was even younger when the photos were taken. Also this happened a bit ago and I’m not really talking to the people involved anymore. Also this is really long so bear with me 💀 and TW for sa, abuse, sh, and plenty of other stuff. Please don’t read if you’re already in a bad headspace. Take care of yourself fist <3
For some background context i didn’t have a great childhood and at 13 got involved with some not so great people. They were all quite a bit older then me and would frequently abuse me both sexually, mentally, and physically in the form of having me take a lot of different substances usually all at once. It’s not something I talk about unless directly asked about it so most people don’t know about it or all the details.
In 8th grade I met a girl who I’ll call P. P and I had met before but lost contact during lockdown. She was really nice to me and we quickly became friends. She would “fake” flirt with me a lot which I thought was normal for friends. It was nice being around someone who wasn’t constantly trying to sleep with me so I got pretty attached to her. On the last day of school she asked me to kiss her and I did. Apparently just one kiss meant we were dating. I didn’t realize that we were in a relationship until like two weeks later because she had never actually talked to me about it. I only realized it when she asked if my mom knew we were dating yet. I didn’t want to upset them and risk losing my only friend so I just kinda went with it. I was able to get away from the older teens who had been abusing me and I let P know that some not great stuff had happened to me but they never knew the specifics.
Our relationship continued another two years and I never really was able to make any more actual friends. I felt bad if I left P alone because they also didn’t have anyone. Over time whenever we were together they were usually on their phone role playing with people on discord and wouldn’t really even acknowledge I was there. There discord chats were usually sexual in nature but I knew about it and had technically said I was fine with it. Also we had discussed that our relationship was basically open including online. I had opportunities to sleep with someone during our relationship but never did because it just didn’t feel right. P and I had never been fully with each other physically but had done some stuff. They said they were asexual and because I knew what it felt like to be guilt tripped into being intimate I would never even so much as ask to be intimate.
Then at the end of our softmore year we both became friends with a girl who I’ll call R. R seemed nice at first and I enjoyed having someone who would actually respond to my text because P usually wouldn’t. Soon R and I became pretty close but I never saw her as anything more than a friend. She would frequently wake me up at night to vent and I had to talk her down from self deleting more than once. It made me really exhausted and ruined my mental and partially my physical health to. But she would often talk about how all of her friends in the past would leave her and i genuinely did care about her and didn’t want her to be alone so i kept pushing myself for her. Not too long before the start of our junior year R texted me on discord that she had made me something. I asked what it was and she started acting kinda odd but eventually sent me a picture of it.
It was a piece of paper that had lots of hearts and stuff on it like “A+R forever”. That’s our initials. It was all very messily painted on in red. I was obviously taking a bit back by it and looking at the photo made my stomach hurt for some reason. There were scissors in the photo but no cuts in the paper so I asked about it. Eventually she admitted that she had used the scissors to get blood from herself to write with. That was the red “paint” she had used on the paper. I didn’t know what to do and called P because y’know they were my gf and the hearts and stuff had obvious implications. I was also hoping for some comfort since I would often comfort them when something happened in their life. All I got was “well that sucks but you can date her too if you want”. I didn’t want to date R but was genuinely scared of what they would do if I outright rejected her. So I told her that i wasn’t mad but I was concerned and asked her to talk in person.
She came over and i tried to convince her to get mental help from a professional. She insisted that it was fine and that it wouldn’t help her anyway. She started to get kinda touchy and I was still worried about how she would react if I said no to her advances. We contacted P again because I did tell R that i wouldn’t breakup with P to be with her. Also I was hoping that P would tell her no or something. I’ll admit I was an absolute coward during this. I didn’t know how to advocate for myself and let things go further than I was actually comfortable with. P just said something along the lines of “have fun” and without any actual reason other than that I just didn’t want to I let her do what she wanted. She stayed the night and kept me up for most of it. I my best to act like I was into it just like I had done before with the older teens who would guilt me into it. She kept wanting to go another round because I hadn’t finished. Im not biologically male so I was able fake one and she believed it.
After that I was now in a polygamist relationship with P and R. R did a lot of stuff ranging from “jokingly” threatening mine and loved one’s life’s to screaming at me because i wouldn’t let her put cameras in my room. She was very possessive and would often accuse me of cheating on her and P. There was once that someone had tried to convince me to sleep with her but I said no and immediately told R and P about it. When school started she would often start something between or would act weird with other classmates. She would have me let her examine my skin and scalp for anything she could pick at or pop. It made me uncomfortable but I still didn’t say anything. I definitely should have communicated better but was scared that anything would set her off. The entire time this was happening P knew and was often present but didn’t say anything. Soon R and P decided to date too. I mentioned to P a few times that some of the stuff R did made me uncomfortable but they didn’t seem to care and would just change the subject.
Towards the end of the first trimester R and I got into an argument over text because she kept “jokingly” saying that she wanted to kill my mom because my mom said she couldn’t come over. I’m so grateful for my mom for not letting R come over unsupervised. I don’t know what she would have done if she had been allowed over and left completely alone with me. For the first time i actually stood up for myself and told R that I was really tired because it was pretty late at the time and that I would talk to her at school in the morning. After that i turned off my phone and went to sleep.
The next morning i wake up and see that i have a TON of notifications from R. I check and she’s ranting about finding stuff on Reddit. She called me a whore and said that I was trying to hookup with ped0s. I check my Reddit account which I hadn’t even been on in a while and there were post with nude pictures of me that I don’t even remember posting. I took them down of course. They were indeed pictures of me but I didn’t have them anywhere on my phone nor do I remember posting them. I was really confused and hurt by what she had said to me so I tried to text her and ask wtf was going on but she had blocked me. I went to school hoping to talk and figure out wtf was happening.
I saw P and told her what happened and she texted R. R told her that she was taking a mental health day because of what I had done. P was as usual pretty indifferent despite how upset I was. R later told P that I had been messaging adult men and trying to meet with them. I told P my side and they said that I probably didn’t remember making the post because I was high or something. I still cared about R and managed to convince myself that maybe somehow I did make the post and just forgot. The next day R did come back to school and had cut there hair down to there shoulders. Their hair was always really long and they had always said that they would be devastated if it ever got cut. I was pretty upset and on the verge of breaking down all day because i thought that R cut it because of me.
I made it through first period but when I was just about to head into my second period R walked by. It was odd because my class wasn’t on the way to R’s second period. I broke down and left a bit into second period. I texted P say that I was going home because I was literally hyperventilating and sobbing in class. In the message I mentioned that the stuff R was saying to me made me feel Ike i wasn’t deserving to even be with them. They took this as me breaking up with her over text even though it wasn’t my intent but I guess could have maybe been interpreted that way? My mom picked me up and I told her that I’d tell her what was happening once I was actually able to breathe properly.
She let me go upstairs and cry for a while before I eventually told her everything that had happened. She said that IF I had posted the pictures that it was not ok but that how R and P were treating me was definitely not justified. She told me to block them and to call my therapist. She said that i didn’t have to go to school for a bit. I hadn’t told her everything R had done but just the stuff that had happened in the last few days.
When I did get back to school P and I talked they said that we were over but that they were still gonna be with R. I was confused and didn’t understand but they continued to be very hostile towards me. I still cared a lot about them and just felt really betrayed that after everything they just kinda kicked me to the curb. P said that they were willing to still be friends. I asked if they still wanted me to sit next to them in the classes we had together and she said that she didn’t care. I sat next to them but they glared at me the whole time and just general acted pissed off so I moved to a different table towards the back of the room and just kinda cried. The teacher checked up on me but I said I was fine. I said I just didn’t want to talk about it and he accepted that but still checked in on me. After that we just did talk like at all.
Someone who I had sat next to during lit n comp notice that i looked like well… a mess. He and i weren’t close or anything but we kinda knew each others. I said that P and I broke up and they immediately pulled me out of the class with them and into a room our school had called the ssc. It was kinda for neurodivergent kids and just generally for decompressing if students got overwhelmed with something. We talked in there and in my distress I just kinda let it all spill. They seemed really pissed but not at me. He was pissed at R and P. He held me and comforted me through the rest of the day. I’ll call him E
E was coincidentally good friends with some people I was sorta friends with in middle school. They basically adopted me into there group and came together to comfort me as well as keep an eye on my throughout the school day in case R and P tried to say anything to me. They didn’t trust them and after showing them all the threats and messages R had sent me most of them told me to report it to the school and potentially get a restraining order. They mentioned that a lot of the stuff R AND P were doing to me was textbook abuse.
P would often bite me and when I asked them to stop she would just say that it was their way of “showing affection”. Most of the time there biting would be really painful and I would practically beg them to stop because it hurting me. There were usually at least bruises from it. R had also had me cut myself because it “turned them on”. They would both “jokingly jab me specifically in my ribs even though I said that it hurt and that i didn’t find it funny just painful.
One day after 5th period R roughly grabbed my arm and dragged me outside. P just stood and watched. R told me that they cut themselves because of me and that i need to get another therapist. She said that I needed to fix myself. She yelled at me a lot and because of stuff from my childhood i started to cry just from her raising her voice. I didn’t know what to say to I apologized and said that I’ll do better. After she stoped yelling P asked if i wanted a hug. I was honestly disgusted at the thought of them touching me and that fact that they said and did nothing that whole time. I said no and admittedly said it in a very harsh tone. I went inside and one of my friends (B) immediately rushed up to me and asked if I was ok. He had seen R grab me but couldn’t find where she had pulled me to. I said I was fine physically and he had me go with him and tell our other friends what happened. They were all pretty pissed and again told me to report it.
At the time i didn’t want P or R to get in any trouble so i didn’t say or do anything. I just wanted to be drama free for a bit and forget about everything. I fell behind in my school work but managed to just barely pass. Eventually after lots of convincing from my mom, friends, and therapist I did compile a list as well as screen shots of messages as proof and reported it to the school. I asked them to not anything to P and R if they could because I still cared about them and didn’t want to cause more trouble. Me and the principal agreed that it would all be put on record but that nothing would come of anything unless something were to happen in the future. I was urged to get at least a restraining order since R had threatened mine and many other people lives including my pets over text. I do not have a restraining order
Even though everyone tells me that i wasn’t in the wrong I still worry that maybe somehow I might be. Maybe everyone was just biased because they knew me first. I do feel gross and used in a way but I don’t know… I don’t want to believe that these people who I loved and cared for so much are actually as cruel as it seems. I’m kinda hoping that I was the one in the wrong. They’re not very nice to anyone including each other but they can’t actually be bad people right? It wasn’t a lot but there were at least a few good memories. It’s my fault for not communicating enough or something right? Please tell me that ITAH. They’re still good people somehow.