I have been working at KPMG within Audit for about two years in one of the larger offices on the east coast. As many have you seen or heard, KPMG has done two rounds of layoffs affecting audit in the last 12 months (with the most recent one being heavily started at the associate and senior level - in my office in particular, 20 associates out of 120 were separated from the firm in March 2024. Granted, no one was affected in the June 2023 layoffs.
In addition to layoffs, KPMG has virtually eliminated all additional social spending. There are no more team lunches, Uber rides home from the office and on a late night are frowned upon, and no more team celebrations after filing PCAOB audits. Additionally, the firm cut its “Celebrate Great” monetary award program where teams could award a small monetary gift (as small as $25 to but all the way up to $200 from my experience). On an office level, spend has been significantly reduced with no happy hours and they are even planning to cut some intramural sports teams.
On the US Audit side, we have an expectation to be in the office 60% of the time (which I personally am able to adhere to without problem) - however despite being announced in December 2023, leadership hasn’t even told us what this metric will impact?
Today, local leadership emphasized the importance of our chargeable hour goals. For my role this is 1800 hours. Although I’m over 100% utilization, I don’t think I’ll meet this goal because of PTO, training days, and summer shut downs, combined with the summer being generally slower in terms of audit work. This emphasis on chargeability makes me believe in FY25 bonus money will only go to those who meet a chargeability goal.
Here’s the deal: I really like working at KPMG. I find interest in the work and I like the people I work with. But things seem gloomy as fuck here and I’m pretty upset with leadership.
So I ask - how is it at other firms? More specifically
1) Have you noticed decreases in spend? Both on the team level and office level? Have national monetary award programs been cut? 2) what does RTO look like? Is local and national leaderships beginning to hint on the importance of coming together in person? Do they let you monitor these metrics or communicate them to you? 3) do audit professionals have chargeable hour goals at other firms? If so, what does this impact? 4) are PIPs used more frequently in place of layoffs?

Item #: SCP-021
Codename: Skin Wyrm
Summarized Description: Animate tattoo in the form of the mythical Chinese dragon. SCP-021 sustains itself off its host’s melanin, causes pain to its host when it moves, and can be transferred to another host via prolonged skin-to-skin contact.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-021 is useless as a weapon and is to remain in containment.
Usefulness: 1/5
Item #: SCP-022
Codename: The Morgue
Summarized Description: Morgue capable of periodically reanimating Human cadavers. Consciousnesses of subjects placed within a drawer of the morgue are randomly swapped between reanimated cadavers.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-022 is useless as a weapon and is to remain in containment.
Usefulness: 1/5
Item #: SCP-023
Codename: Black Shuck
Summarized Description: Large canine. Sapient subjects who make eye contact will expire 1 Terran year after contact is broken, their internal systems suffering spontaneous flash incineration. SCP-023’s eyes and teeth were removed in 2010 before being regrown in 2136 using an imperfect copy of SCP-500 generated by SCP-038. SCP-023 cannot be stopped by any barrier unless it resembles a crossroads.
Battlefield Summary: SCP-023 released into Federal city. SCP-023 underwent rigorous anomalous training, having been taught to avoid direct conflict with enemy subjects, and is generally non-hostile to Foundation personnel.
Additional Notes: As of time of writing, SCP-023 has terminated 86 subjects and has disorganized security forces, who have failed to capture or neutralize it. SCP-023’s relative obedience to the Foundation has given cause for reclassification to Thaumiel.
Usefulness: 3/5
Item #: SCP-024
Codename: Game Show of Death
Summarized Description: Abandoned sound stage. Subjects who enter SCP-024 will be greeted by an apparent stereotypical game show announcer from a speaker, who will offer subjects a chance to play a game show and gain a reward. Subjects who consent will be forced to undergo taxing trials to complete the show, which often results in injury and/or death. Subjects who refuse to participate after consenting, attempt to break any rules, or fail to complete the game will be attacked and terminated by unknown entities. SCP-024 will not activate if there is only 1 subject present.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-024 cannot be moved from its current location. SCP-024 is useless as a weapon and is to remain in containment.
Usefulness: 1/5
Item #: SCP-025
Codename: A Well-Worn Wardrobe
Summarized Description: Wardrobe with multiple articles of damaged clothing. Subjects who wear any clothing from SCP-025 will invariably be injured or terminated, with wounds corresponding to the locations of damage on the clothing.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: As xenos do not wear any clothing that SCP-025 possesses, SCP-025 is useless as a weapon and is to remain in containment.
Usefulness: 1/5
Item #: SCP-026
Codename: Afterschool Retention
Summarized Description: Abandoned public school. Layout does not correspond to official public blueprints. Cognitohazards within SCP-026 disorient subjects. Multiple individuals with identical features to missing persons can be found in apparent comas and cannot be woken. All comatose individuals are students and educators who attended the school before its abandonment. Attempting to remove comatose subjects from the premises will result in them waking, followed by extremely rapid dehydration and death. Foundation personnel who fall asleep in SCP-026 also become comatose, but will not suffer dehydration if removed.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-026 is useless as a weapon and is to remain in containment.
Usefulness: 1/5
Item #: SCP-027
Codename: The Vermin God
Summarized Description: Intangible effect tied to one individual at a time. Subjects affected by SCP-027 attract large amounts of insects, rodents, and other organisms considered to be “vermin.” Upon death of a host, SCP-027 will transfer itself to the closest sapient organism.
Battlefield Summary: D-3829, the host of SCP-027 at the time, was airdropped onto a Federal planet. D-3829 fitted with an explosive collar and instructed to wait in the colony leader’s place of residence. As the leader entered the residence, the collar was remotely detonated, terminating D-3829 and transferring SCP-027 to the target.
Additional Notes: Though it would have been more practical to simply take the opportunity to assassinate the target, the long-term disorder expected to be caused by SCP-027 was deemed to be of greater importance. There are no plans to retrieve SCP-027 at this time.
Usefulness: 2/5
Item #: SCP-028
Codename: Knowledge
Summarized Description: Small space in Michigan, USA with psychic properties. Individuals who enter SCP-028 are imbued with a random piece of knowledge on a random topic.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-028 is currently being used to gather intelligence on Federal operations. Due to its inefficient method of intelligence gathering, it has been deemed a low priority.
Usefulness: 2/5
Item #: SCP-029
Codename: Daughter of Shadows
Summarized Description: Human female with alopecia universalis. 80% of skin surface is vantablack, 20% is albino. All sapient male-identifying subjects who come in contact with SCP-029 will worship it as a messiah-like figure, who must have 1,000,000 lives sacrificed to it via strangulation to bring forth an unknown deity. SCP-029 has a physic connection with its followers and is aware of its followers’ numbers.
Battlefield Summary: SCP-029 deployed on a Federal planet and allowed to gather xeno followers. SCP-029’s “cult” has infiltrated the planetary government and is sending large numbers of subjects to “predator disease” facilities to convert or sacrifice them.
Additional Notes: SCP-029 willingly volunteered for Operation 5000, although this is more likely out of a desire for escape from the Foundation than to avenge Humanity for the Battle of Earth, the current cover story for Operation 5000. SCP-029’s “cult” is not to be allowed to complete its goal of 1,000,000 sacrifices, due to the uncertain nature of the existence of the cult’s deity. Current estimates give SCP-029’s cult 37,000 confirmed sacrificial fatalities. Should this number come close to being accomplished, SCP-029 is to be neutralized and the cult destroyed. Until then, the disorder caused by the cult’s activities has been deemed beneficial.
Usefulness: 3/5
Item #: SCP-030
Codename: The Homunculus
Summarized Description: Small humanoid made of clay. Only active when exposed to at least 15 lumens of light. If not exposed to adequate light, SCP-030 immediately falls unconscious.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-030 has no fighting or strategic capabilities and is to remain in containment.
Usefulness: 1/5
Item #: SCP-031
Codename: What is Love?
Summarized Description: Giant organic mass inhabiting the interior of the Ryugyong Hotel, Korea. Influences subjects to be willingly assimilated into SCP-031, with only their brains remaining intact and presumably conscious. Unknown cognitive and/or space-time anomaly causes it to simultaneously inhabit the hotel alongside SCP-1427, despite respective containment teams insisting that the other does not exist.
Battlefield Summary: Samples of SCP-031 taken and deployed on various planets. 4 instances have been neutralized by Federal forces, while 4 have established a permanent foothold on their respective planets.
Additional Notes: SCP-031 is susceptible to fire, making Extermination Officers a convenient counter for smaller infestations.
Usefulness: 3/5
Item #: SCP-032
Codename: Brother’s Bride
Summarized Description: Type-F female Human simulacrum, passable at a distance, Uncanny Valley triggered at close range. Deleterious effects on nearby organic life, except for Humans and domesticated/trained animals.
Battlefield Summary: SCP-032 instructed to position itself discreetly in highly populated areas and military encampments. SCP-032 given a weapon and authorization to defend itself should it ever come into conflict with Federal authorities or eyewitnesses. SCP-032 has depopulated multiple areas and encampments with minor damage to itself.
Additional Notes: SCP-032’s complete obedience to the Foundation has given cause for a reclassification to Thaumiel.
Usefulness: 2/5
Item #: SCP-033
Codename: The Missing Number
Summarized Description: Mathematical equation that essentially proves that all Human (and xeno) mathematical systems “missed” a number. SCP-033, when inscribed on a physical “paper-like” surface or a white/chalkboard, will begin to spread to other nearby viable surfaces. Causes catastrophic glitches in computers as it spreads onto them.
Battlefield Summary: SCP-033 uploaded onto multiple planetary internets, crashing all systems.
Additional Notes: SCP-033 is astoundingly effective in removing the Federation’s capability to defend themselves, as they rely heavily on technology.
Usefulness: 5/5
Item #: SCP-034
Codename: Obsidian Ritual Knife
Summarized Description: Primitive obsidian knife likely used in sacrificial rituals. Any flesh cut from a living organism by SCP-034 that is applied to another organism will result in the latter’s appearance changing into the former.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: Federal military leader captured and flesh sample removed with SCP-034 and applied to D-9482 to test capabilities for a Human to change into a xeno form. D-9482 expired mid-transition. Military leader interrogated for general information and subsequently terminated. SCP-034 still cannot alter an organism beyond its original species, regardless of sapience.
Usefulness: 1/5
Item #: SCP-035
Codename: Possessive Mask
Summarized Description: Sapient theatre mask that changes from comedy to tragedy, corresponding with current emotions. Highly corrosive liquid seeps from the eyes of the mask at all times. Capable of reading and influencing the thoughts nearby sapient organisms. SCP-035, when placed on the face of a Human, Human cadaver, or otherwise humanoid organism or figure, will take control of the subject and begin to converse. The subject will slowly decay the longer SCP-035 is applied. SCP-035 displays a highly charismatic and manipulative personality and is unusually knowledgeable about a variety of topics.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-035 is currently being negotiated with. SCP-035 claims to hold knowledge of the Federation, including a “conspiracy” orchestrated by at least 2 member species. If negotiations are successful, SCP-035 could provide the Foundation with valuable insight into the workings of the Federation.
Usefulness: 2/5
Item #: SCP-036
Codename: The Reincarnation Pilgrimage of the Yazidi (Kiras Guhorîn)
Summarized Description: Annual event during which deceased followers of the Yazidi faith arrive via an unscheduled flight at Site-22A in Iraq and depart on a separate flight at Site-22B. This process is observed and protected by the Foundation. Considered to be the modern form of the Kiras Guhorîn. Expected to change in the near future to include modern starships.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-036 is useless as a weapon and is to remain in containment.
Usefulness: 1/5
Item #: SCP-037
Codename: Dwarf Star
Summarized Description: Miniaturized main sequence star in its red giant phase, going through a highly accelerated stellar lifecycle. Expected to go supernova in the near future. Was transported off-planet in 2100.
Battlefield Summary: SCP-037 transported from its location in the outer Sol System and deposited in high orbit of a Federal capital planet. Approaching supernova is expected to cause an XK-Class “End-of-the-World” Scenario.
Additional Notes: SCP-037 pending reclassification to Neutralized once supernova occurs.
Usefulness: 4/5
Item #: SCP-038
Codename: The Everything Tree
Summarized Description: Apple tree capable of replicating any object or organism that makes contact with its bark. Replicated objects will never exceed 90.9 kg. Anomalous objects replicated by SCP-038 are often imperfect.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-038 is being used to cheaply replicate weapons-of-mass-destruction but is otherwise useless as a weapon.
Usefulness: 2/5
Item #: SCP-039
Codename: Monkey Brain
Summarized Description: Collection of 23 proboscis monkeys (SCP-038-1) and one Human (SCP-038-A) with a complete lack of all facial features, created by the now-defunct Prometheus Labs. Instances display highly increased intelligance and are able to navigate their surroundings via echolocation.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-038-A employed as a tactical advisor under the promise of a loosening of containment protocols for itself and all instances of SCP-038-1.
Usefulness: 2/5
Item #: SCP-040
Codename: Evolution’s Child
Summarized Description: Female human capable of altering the genetic code of organisms it comes into contact with.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-040 willingly joined Operation 5000. SCP-040 currently being utilized to genetically enhance certain Mobile Task Force personnel.
Usefulness: 2/5
Item #: SCP-041
Codename: Thought-Broadcasting Patient
Summarized Description: Permanently paralyzed Human male capable of telepathy with nearby sapient subjects. Subjects within range can also have their thoughts “transmitted” with one another at SCP-041’s discretion.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-041 has been used to extract information from high-ranking Federal personnel.
Usefulness: 2/5
Item #: SCP-042
Codename: A Formerly-Winged Horse
Summarized Description: Equine subject with winged appendages. Appendages were removed by Foundation personnel to simplify containment. Displays a depressive personality and must be force-fed food and water and motivated with pain to obey instructions. Displays mind-affecting properties in attempts to convince personnel to neutralize it.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-042 is no use as a weapon and is to remain in containment.
Usefulness: 1/5
Item #: SCP-043
Codename: The Beatle
Summarized Description: Vinyl copy of “The White Album”. Capable of communicating with subjects who play the 29th track. Theorized to hold the consciousness of Paul McCartney, although unconfirmed.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-043 is useless as a weapon and is to remain in containment.
Usefulness: 1/5
Item #: SCP-044
Codename: World War II Era Molecular-Fission Cannon
Summarized Description: Heavily modified World War II-era Howitzer. Any item placed in its barrel and fired will detonate at a mass-to-energy conversion ratio greater than 100%. Built by an/the Administrator.
Battlefield Summary: SCP-044 loaded with several tons of earth and fired into a city wall during an uncharacteristically difficult siege, terminating all resistance and causing massive damage to the city.
Additional Notes: SCP-044 blueprints have been obtained from the Administrator by the O5 Council and the item is to be mass produced. Further modifications for use as a space-based weapon are being considered.
Usefulness: 4/5
Item #: SCP-045
Codename: Atmospheric Converter
Summarized Description: Icosahedron composed of ice-12. Likely a 3-dimensional projection of a 4-dimensional hypericosahedron. Periodically rotates on multiple axes, causing minor seismic activity. When prevented from rotating, seismic activity will steadily increase. When gaseous nitrogen or argon come into close proximity with SCP-045, both substatnces will be converted into water and table salt respectively.
Battlefield Summary: SCP-045 placed on a Federal planet in a remote location and prevented from rotating. As of time of writing, SCP-045 has caused seismic activity reaching 9.5 on the Richter scale, causing massive damage. Planetary cracking is expected to occur within several weeks.
Additional Notes: SCP-045, should it be recovered after estimated XK-Class Scenario, is authorized for further use.
Usefulness: 4/5
Item #: SCP-046
Codename: “Predatory” Holly Bush
Summarized Description: Holly bush that consumes subjects who lay in its vicinity, lulling them to sleep with relief from physical/mental pain and feelings of relaxation and pleasure. Subjects are not compelled to sacrifice themselves and can resist temptations with ease. All subjects recorded to have been consumed by SCP-046 have willingly allowed the item to do so.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: As SCP-046 cannot compel unwilling subjects into sacrificing themselves for consumption, it is useless as a weapon and is to remain in containment.
Usefulness: 1/5
Item #: SCP-047
Codename: Microbial Mutagen
Summarized Description: Gaseous substance with mutagenic properties on microorganisms. 3 strains affected by SCP-047 identified. Propionibacterium 047-A causes severe acne and sepsis with 40% fataility rate. Streptococcus 047-C causes inflammation, sepsis, and endocarditis with 35% fatality rate. Clostridium 047-A cause severe damage to internal organs, most notably the colon, with near 100% fatality rate.
Battlefield Summary: All SCP-047-affected strains of bacterium cannot be used against xeno life and are to remain in containment. SCP-047 dispersed among Federal cities and encampments, causing several fatal “superbugs” to mutate.
Additional Notes: Caution is to be taken to prevent SCP-047 from coming into contact with Terran microorganisms.
Usefulness: 3/5
Item #: SCP-048
Codename: The Cursed SCP Number
Summarized Description: All SCP objects assigned the 048 designation have invariably become lost, stolen, or accidentally neutralized, thus gathering a air of superstition among Foundation personnel and has such been locked from further use to prevent morale from falling. Believed to be non-anomalous, as the file describing this phenomenon has yet to suffer any adverse effects.
Battlefield Summary: N/A
Additional Notes: SCP-048 is likely non-anomalous and no action is to be taken.
Usefulness: 1/5
Item #: SCP-049
Codename: Plague Doctor
Summarized Description: Male humanoid covered in organic growth resembling a traditional plague doctor uniform and mask. Subjects who come into physical contact with SCP-049 may suddenly cease all life functions if SCP-049 so chooses. SCP-049 often performs surgery on corpses - preferably Humans - and crudly reanimates them in an attempt to cure them of a presumably supernatural “Pestilence.” The nature of this Pestilence is unknown, if it exists.
Battlefield Summary: SCP-049 allowed to reanimate deceased xeno subjects for the Foundation war effort.
Additional Notes: SCP-049 willingly joined Operatin 5000 after declaring that the xenos were also infected with the “Pestilence.”
/////
[THE FOLLOWING IS FOR O5 CLEARANCE ONLY.]
[Does the Black Moon howl?]
[only when the White Sun rejoices]
[Does the Black Moon howl?]
[only when Waning]
[Does the Black Moon howl?]
[only when the Void calls forth]
[ACCESS GRANTED]
SCP-049’s declaration has confirmed that non-Human species are indeed also victims of The Entity. Complete destruction of the Federation is necessary.
/////
Usefulness: 2/5

Cisa exam passed today. Here is my detailed exam experience, my experience and some things I didnt know until the exam.
For start exam was stresful! Time and exam management was very important. I did some things I would not do again. Here it goes.
Exam Day / Registry / Exam room
I took the exam at a psi center. My exam was scheduled at 8am. I found conflicting information online and in the mails about how early I should be exam center (one document said 15 min other 30 min). So I was there at 7.30. I could start right away, even though it wasn't 8 am yet. Which was very surprising for me.
The proctor then checked my ID, showed where I can store my stuff. In the exam room nothing was allowed, not even a water bottle. I could go out to the registry office to drink water or to the toilet. He showed me the room and left. I was alone the entire time. I was being watched by a camera.
Starting the exam / exam sections
There are different sections on the exam. First one is to get you familiar with the platform. It was just a picture, describing the navigational points for the pattform. And when I wanted to continue, a popup asked me "if I am sure to finish the exam" (or similar wording) which freaked me out a little. I had to say yes to that. After that a practice exam starts with few general irrelevant questions. You practice the hell out of that.! This is how the exam going to look. Back, forward, flagging, filtering, changing answers . You name it. There is a time limit for that but the actual exam time is not ticking yet.
Exam
First 20 min of the exam was the worst for me. I felt like I didnt get any questions right. Through out the exam I thought so but after the first 20 minutes, I was sure that there is a no chance that I will past. Through out the exam, I said to myself, that I am definitly not retaking the exam in this year.
In the official practice questions, you get a question and 4 answers. 2 of them are clearly wrong. Then it comes to your knowledge, experience gut feel to get the right answer.
But in the exam, all 4 answeres was a COULD BE for me. If I am lucky 3. I maybe had ca. 30 questions which I definitly knew I answered correctly. I flagged more than almost 60 questions.
A lot of the topics from the QEA database, didn't come on my exam. No PERT, Gantt etc, not soooo many BCP or project management.
A lot of Third-Party Service Provider, policy compliance, sampling, some PKI, connecting concepts, minimum 5 questions given a control and asking what kind of control that is. AND most importantly.. knowing the responsibility, decision-making, approaches, limits, what to do when.. as an IS Auditor. In various combinations of topics.
For that reason, I would say the questions really were based on experience / applicable knowledge..
End of the exam
Once all the questions are completed, same popup asks you again if you want to complete the exam. In my case "NO" since I had so many flagged questions.
After that, here are 2 surveys. One is about the learning experience, one test experience. Each of them you finish with the same popup and continiue. At the end of them, finally, your name and your test result shows on screen and you can breathe, you made it.
Exam strategy
Think about your exam strategy. That would have saved my some time stress at the of the exam and confusion.
I left some questions unanswered, flagged them. Some answered and flagged. It was a mess. What questions do you definitly want to review? What questions do you definitly not know? What to do with them, When to review?
Remember you can filter through "all, answered, unanswered, flagged" questions. Not combinable. If I were take the exam again,I would answer the questions I definitly know, and not flag them. I would probably leave a lot of questions unanswered at the first round. At the second round, if I am still unsure (depending on the time left) would answer but flag the ones, I want to review again.
My CISA lecturer said, his strategy and recommondation is to first read all the questions without answering any. So nothing can surprise you.
Preperation / experience
Attended a CISA course for 5 days in February. Intense learning for a month. But I do not work. So I could learn on average 7/8 hours a day. On Weekends never learnt.
Apart from that.. I have almost 8 years of security work experience. Not auditing. I found the exam very experience oriented.
If I were to recommend one thing it would be: ITAF. Read it. Understand it. Again and again. Use it.
I wish all the best. You can do it!

Hi! I'm looking for someone to RP in a story that I GM. I'm relatively literate by RPer standards, I think. It depends on the situation but I do between 2 and 5 paragraphs, more if I'm setting up a scene and less for dialog; not a fan of super long responses where it's just not at all necessary, no need to be doing like 4000 characters per reply. I can usually manage between 1 and 3 responses per day depending on how I’m feeling, but full warning, I tend to fall in and out of a desire to RP at times and may take a while at times, so apologies in advance. Also, I much prefer to RP on discord, if that's alright.
Looking for someone of similar literacy levels, so around a few paragraphs, no sample necessary. All I'm really looking for is someone who can get invested in the story, interested, and enjoys the plot and setting ideas. For the RP, I'm looking for something very long-term with a focus on character progression and where the character's actions changes the world around them on a very tangible sense (ex: Your character maybe becomes a vaunted and powerful leader after working their way up for a long time.) Additionally, I really love RPG mechanics. What exactly that includes depends on the plot, but regardless I'll be keeping track of it (ex: For fantasy, I'll keep track of inventory, level, spells, etcetera. For Sci-fi, you can upgrade your ship, acquire currency, and so on.)
As for the plot and setting, I have three main ones that I am wanting to do, which exactly of those three is up for us to discuss and ultimately you to decide. The three I'm most considering are: A Star Wars RP set in the post-Endor Imperial Civil War era of Star Wars Legends, about two decads after the Battle of Yavin, 23 ABY. This RP would center around the resurgence of a new, powerful Imperial faction in the Outer Rim out of the Braxant Sector, with Bastion as their capital, known as the Vermillion Imperium. Your character would either be an Imperial serving in their ranks, or as a member of the New Republic fighting against the growing threat; whether you're a force user or not is up to you. This RP would heavily focus on military, politics, and if you so choose, the force as well.
A sci-fi RP set in a universe I've been working on myself for quite some time. The long story short is that in the year 2299, Mars declared independence from the United Dominion of Terra, igniting a bloody, 37 year long civil war. In this war and beyond, combat is largely defined by mechs of varying types, the most common being machines known as Knights and the significantly more powerful, cutting edge Cataphracts. The RP will take place 6 years after the war, in 2342. Although the war is officially over, the Martian Liberatores still fight on, and the Dominion ruthlessly hunts them down throughout the Asteroid Belt using hunter-killer teams. Your character would start as a commander of one of these hunter-killer teams, but if you remain in service to the Dominion, rebel and join the largely defunct Mars Independence Junta, or consolidate political power and form your own faction altogether is up to you. Like the above RP, this setting would focus heavily on mech combat, military, and Politics. Also, because I've put a lot of writing and worldbuilding into this universe, this RP would need to be preceded by a discussion about the events of the world so you can really understand the plot you're getting into here. Just to make sure that you're really enjoying the RP, I’d suggest only picking thus setting if you really like combat RP and love mechs like Gundam and Armored Core.
Lastly, a D&D inspired RP set in a fantasy world, also of my own making. This world isn't fleshed out as much as the previous, but it doesn't need to be, necessarily. The course of the RP would be largely defined by your character actions, much more even than the previous two. The current scenario I have planned is one in which your character inadvertently gets caught up in an ongoing conflict between rival Demon Lords, the repercussions of which spill over into the mortal world. It's up to you to either pick a side in the conflict or put a stop to it altogether. This RP will heavily focus on the aforementioned RPG mechanics and involve character progression, with you going from being just a little old fella at the beginning to having god-like strength by the end.
If any of these sound interesting, please let me know and I'd love to work something out with you. If none of these interest you, but you still like sci-fi and would like me to be a GM for you, hmu! I'm also a really big fan of Warhammer 40k, Halo, Gundam, and Lord of the Rings, and would love to do an RP in any of those universes. I'm open to any and all suggestions! Also, just FYI, I generally don't do are slice of life and romance.
Thanks for reading and I hope you're interested!

Hi! I'm looking for someone to RP in a story that I GM. I'm relatively literate by RPer standards, I think. It depends on the situation but I do between 2 and 5 paragraphs, more if I'm setting up a scene and less for dialog; not a fan of super long responses where it's just not at all necessary, no need to be doing like 4000 characters per reply. I can usually manage between 1 and 3 responses per day depending on how I’m feeling, but full warning, I tend to fall in and out of a desire to RP at times and may take a while at times, so apologies in advance. Also, I much prefer to RP on discord, if that's alright.
Looking for someone of similar literacy levels, so around a few paragraphs, no sample necessary. All I'm really looking for is someone who can get invested in the story, interested, and enjoys the plot and setting ideas. For the RP, I'm looking for something very long-term with a focus on character progression and where the character's actions changes the world around them on a very tangible sense (ex: Your character maybe becomes a vaunted and powerful leader after working their way up for a long time.) Additionally, I really love RPG mechanics. What exactly that includes depends on the plot, but regardless I'll be keeping track of it (ex: For fantasy, I'll keep track of inventory, level, spells, etcetera. For Sci-fi, you can upgrade your ship, acquire currency, and so on.)
As for the plot and setting, I have three main ones that I am wanting to do, which exactly of those three is up for us to discuss and ultimately you to decide. The three I'm most considering are: A Star Wars RP set in the post-Endor Imperial Civil War era of Star Wars Legends, about two decads after the Battle of Yavin, 23 ABY. This RP would center around the resurgence of a new, powerful Imperial faction in the Outer Rim out of the Braxant Sector, with Bastion as their capital, known as the Vermillion Imperium. Your character would either be an Imperial serving in their ranks, or as a member of the New Republic fighting against the growing threat; whether you're a force user or not is up to you. This RP would heavily focus on military, politics, and if you so choose, the force as well.
A sci-fi RP set in a universe I've been working on myself for quite some time. The long story short is that in the year 2299, Mars declared independence from the United Dominion of Terra, igniting a bloody, 37 year long civil war. In this war and beyond, combat is largely defined by mechs of varying types, the most common being machines known as Knights and the significantly more powerful, cutting edge Cataphracts. The RP will take place 6 years after the war, in 2342. Although the war is officially over, the Martian Liberatores still fight on, and the Dominion ruthlessly hunts them down throughout the Asteroid Belt using hunter-killer teams. Your character would start as a commander of one of these hunter-killer teams, but if you remain in service to the Dominion, rebel and join the largely defunct Mars Independence Junta, or consolidate political power and form your own faction altogether is up to you. Like the above RP, this setting would focus heavily on mech combat, military, and Politics. Also, because I've put a lot of writing and worldbuilding into this universe, this RP would need to be preceded by a discussion about the events of the world so you can really understand the plot you're getting into here. Just to make sure that you're really enjoying the RP, I’d suggest only picking thus setting if you really like combat RP and love mechs like Gundam and Armored Core.
Lastly, a D&D inspired RP set in a fantasy world, also of my own making. This world isn't fleshed out as much as the previous, but it doesn't need to be, necessarily. The course of the RP would be largely defined by your character actions, much more even than the previous two. The current scenario I have planned is one in which your character inadvertently gets caught up in an ongoing conflict between rival Demon Lords, the repercussions of which spill over into the mortal world. It's up to you to either pick a side in the conflict or put a stop to it altogether. This RP will heavily focus on the aforementioned RPG mechanics and involve character progression, with you going from being just a little old fella at the beginning to having god-like strength by the end.
If any of these sound interesting, please let me know and I'd love to work something out with you. If none of these interest you, but you still like sci-fi and would like me to be a GM for you, hmu! I'm also a really big fan of Warhammer 40k, Halo, Gundam, and Lord of the Rings, and would love to do an RP in any of those universes. I'm open to any and all suggestions! Also, just FYI, I generally don't do are slice of life and romance.
Thanks for reading and I hope you're interested!

I ordered a G10 sheet about a week ago after watching Makers Muse as I am planning on buying and printing PETG. The gods were obviously looking down, as two days ago my Creality glass bed (2 years old) exploded as I picked it up with my thumb and finger out of the freezer. Interestingly the print was still attached to the glass, it just shattered all around it. It was fun trying to get the print off.
Anyway...... For those who have bough G10 and are struggling with printing PLA.
When mine arrive it has a plastic sheet on both sides that needs to be removed. I gave both sides a clean with hot soapy water (Fairy/Dawn) and a green sponge/scourer. Did a couple of prints and then it was not sticking. Change bed temp up 5 - 10 degree C. Still no joy, tried glue stick etc.
Solution: Was to give the bed a really good scrub using the hot water, Fairy/Dawn and the scrubby side of the sponge (new one). Really scrub, use those arm muscles.
I suspect that the plastic sheet (sticky tack that holds it) on the bed from new, was not completely removed and a good scrub helped. It may be that the sheet needs a very fine "sand" which the scrubby bit on the sponge supplies. I don't know, but it has worked for me.
Some people have said use fine grit sand paper (I did not do this).
I just need to get some PETG and some sample of TPU and other filaments to test out the bed.
Does anybody know if you can get cheap but good samples of different filaments. I just want, say 5 meters of each to do some tests.
​

For those of you who did/plan to apply for MFA acting auditions, if you were to get accepted into all four of these MFA drama schools tuition free, which would you choose to attend and why?

Hey guys!! I’m trying to determine if I am right to feel a bit undervalued/underpaid for my role. I obviously am grateful to even have a job and be paid what I get now but with a company acquisition that added a giant load of work onto my plate for months amongst other changes, I feel a little shorted lol.
I’m at 3 years of experience at the same midsize company in IT consulting, 1 year of recruiting experience then with a full switch to HR Specialist. I have worn a lot of hats- I took over payroll about 1 year in, I handled our 401k audit twice, I handled all onboarding/offboarding/employee inquiries and special projects from the CFO as well.
When we were acquired, I had to work on a LOT of data importing and integration projects, not to mention I assisted with planning an entire merged companies on-site event at the same time. We’re now much larger with over 1k EEs globally and I am now involved in more initiatives such as branding, engagement events, etc. I did not get a quarterly bonus as I anticipated in Q4, in fact bonuses were axed entirely, which sucked when other people were getting Christmas/Q4 bonuses and all the work I did wasn’t worth anything apparently.
I finally received a raise to $69k (was already at about 63 which wasn’t market aligned) at my review this year, tried to push back for $70k and was told no. Is 70-80k too high of an expectation??

Hey everyone! I’m 23 and as of about a month ago I was diagnosed with T1D. I plan on graduating with my masters this August and going to work in a public accounting firm at the start of 2025. I’ll be going into audit and I wanted to see if anyone on here is in this same career field and how they manage the long hours and travel associated with this job. Thanks!

Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
Having said his piece, Rene had expected the woman to accept her role as a prisoner of the Fleet. But no sooner had he taken his knee of her back than she was at him again, rolling over and cursing as she tried to spit him on her claws. Training kicked in and Rene applied the wrestling component of his hand-to-hand combat course. He secured underhooks with his arms, locking them together with his hands and hugging her tight from behind. Zildiz bucked and twisted around in a futile attempt to make room for her blades, even managing to get one of her knees beneath her and push off the ground. Rene allowed her to gain her feet, cunningly using the opening to slip the loop of his encircling arms around her waist. Now in complete control of her center of gravity, Rene swung his leg out and arched his back, heaving her up and over like a sack of turnips in a textbook suplex. A fraction of a second before he smashed the top of her skull into the hard ground, he remembered that he was supposed to keep prisoners alive and preferably not in a vegetative state, and so he cushioned the fall with his own body, falling on his side to increase surface area and dissipate the force.
Zildiz was caught totally by surprise. Unlike Rene she had neglected to tuck in her chin before the moment of impact, a vital detail which was one of the first things a recruit was taught to do on the mats.
“Oof!” she said as all the breath slammed out of her by the throw. Rene felt her body go limp as her dazed senses tried to adjust to the violent change of orientation. He took advantage of this moment of weakness and looped his legs around her body, locking his ankles together to form a full body triangle. His left forearm punched up and took her neck in a rear naked choke, a suffocating vise formed by the insides of his elbow crushing her windpipe and carotid arteries.
“I warned you,” he told her. His choking hand grabbed the inside of his other elbow, right forearm sneaking behind her neck and under his armpit, tightening the garrote even further.
“Had enough?”
“Hrrnnkk…” Zildiz choked. She lifted an arm and slid back the blade until it was the length of a finger, deliberately giving Rene the universal gesture to go and fornicate with himself, before sheathing the claw entirely and aiming her fist at him over her shoulder.
Rene ducked as the blade shot out again, only just avoiding it going through his eye socket and into his brain. As it was, it only nicked his temple, sending warm lines of blood trickling down his visor. Rene hugged her even tighter, constricting the chokehold until he heard her breathing reduced to an agonized wheeze. He throttled her until she stopped moving, her struggles weakening until she went completely lax. Then he held the choke for exactly three seconds longer, counting carefully to avoid giving her lasting brain damage. He let go and was relieved to hear her snoring faintly. Gently rolling her onto her back so she didn’t suffocate in the dirt, Rene cast about for a means to secure his prisoner. He had only a few seconds before she regained consciousness. Quickly he cut some vines from the surrounding trees and knotted them into a crude rope. He flipped her back over again and tied her hands at the wrists and elbows. He had no illusions that it would hold her for long. He tied her wings together at their bases for good measure. She had two sets of them, but the larger pair was missing one of its partners that had been torn off at the socket to reveal a gaping wound. They were wondrously tough membranes considering how thin and flexible they were, as sturdy as ultrapod leather. Rene looked over his work and loosened it a bit so as not to cut off the circulation in her arms. It wasn’t bad for something done on the fly. Then again, he’d been playing this whole thing by ear ever since the ambush that had cut his unit to pieces. Ye gods, but that whole experience felt like a lifetime ago. He had not expected to ever use that component of his hand-to-hand training designed for fighting human opponents. Of course, he’d helped put down a fair share of civil unrest in his time, but even during the worst of the food riots in Mound Ulysses he’d never so much as given a person a light shove. The civilians knew better than to antagonize a battalion of the Fleet’s finest over something as routine and reoccurring as a government rationing in the face of crop failure.
He felt quite bad about having to roughhouse the woman, that is, until she sat up awake and glowered hatefully at him, coughing and retching.
“Don’t,” he pleaded with her in exasperation as she gave him the old stink eye, “I don’t want to fight you again.”
“Why?” she spat defiantly, “Afraid you’d lose?”
“Uh huh,” Rene grunted, amused and even a little impressed by her spunk. She couldn’t have weighed more than sixty kilos soaking wet and was at least half a foot shorter than him even with that exomorph of hers, but this woman was all fight and no quit. She would have to be, living on the surface world and facing these abominations day after day. Rene looked at the dismembered corpses of the black-furred devils and had a sudden jolt of inspiration. As Zildiz tested the strength of her restraints Rene went over to the monster he had chopped to bits and poked the misshapen hump on its back, which had excreted thick ribbons of silk at the moment of death. Feeling more than a little squeamish, Rene pulled on the threads of silk. He had only meant to collect two or three meters of the material, but more and more of the stuff kept unwinding out its glands like a handkerchief from a magician’s pocket. Eventually his hands became enmeshed in the horrid stuff and he had to struggle like the dickens to unstick himself and scrape it off onto a bush where it stuck like a lumpy hammock. Remembering how his enemy had plugged the stab wound in its gut, Rene snapped off a twig and curled it into the white mess like those vendors at the fairs did with candy cloud treats, ending up with a spool of silk. He applied it to the cut on his temple by winding it around his head like a bandage, and was gratified when it stopped the bleeding almost immediately. He heard the rustle of dead leaves and turned around to find Zildiz furtively attempting to sidle away from him.
“Don’t even try it,” he told her, “Or I’ll run you down and knock you senseless. I’m taking you back to civilization. The Fleet needs to know what it’s up against out here, and you’re a veritable trove of information.”
Zildiz squatted back down and stared at him, simmering with resentment. Rene shook his head and continued his work, moving on to the monster that had been the first to die at the woman’s hands. Cutting open its hump, Rene was rewarded with a dense lump of thread still packed inside its spinneret. He took another twig and spooled it in, then wrapped the bundle of silk in a large leaf.
A leg twitched of its own accord. Rene nearly dropped the bundle as he sprang back, sword upraised. The devil’s limbs began doing a tap dance and Rene relaxed a bit, recognizing it as the onset of rigor mortis. The side of its face was split open and hanging loosely by a strap of flesh. Struck by a nagging suspicion, Rene stooped down and peeled off the segments of its head, holding the edge of his sword against its neck to decapitate it in the event that it proved too lively for his liking.
The musculature and armor tore away just like it had with Zildiz’s helm, and for the second time that night he found himself staring into the face of another living human being. Only this time it was a man whose face was utterly disfigured, a perversion of the basic form. In the place of his lower jaw were fingerlike protrusions of gummy tissue and exposed nerve endings. His nose cartilage was likewise missing, leaving only a pair of holes dribbling with snot. The man blinked, and glassy eyes with almost no whites at their edges fixed Rene in their gaze.
“Kill…me…” the man whispered.
Rene began to shake uncontrollably, wiping a trembling hand across his mouth as he was forced to consider the carnage he’d just wrought in a new and horrifying light. These weren’t three dead monsters littering the jungle floor; these were three dead men, and some of them he had killed himself.
“Kill me!” the man begged him. He was young, barely Rene’s age, his smooth skin untroubled by the wrinkles of age and worry. He had clear brown pupils and dark, expressive brows. If it weren’t for all the rest of him, Rene might’ve mistaken him for a fresh-faced recruit at the academy, or a paperboy climbing up the terraced apartments of inner hive to deliver news of the Fleet’s latest victory.
On unsteady legs Rene staggered back to Zildiz’s side and away from the awful truth he had uncovered.
“Something the matter?” Zildiz asked in a gleeful tone, “Feeling a little worse for wear, are we?”
“Shut it,” Rene said distantly. He dragged Zildiz to her feet and began winding the silk around her wrists, layering them over thick and tying them off with a simple knot. He kept the vines on her for added insurance and told her to start walking.
“Where to?” she demanded.
“I’m not feeding you to my children, if that’s what you’re asking,” he muttered, “I don’t have any to begin with, and even if I did, I sure as hell wouldn’t raise them to be cannibals.”
Zildiz didn’t move, so Rene grabbed her and frog marched her away. He had no real destination in mind—he just had to get away from this place and the bodies he’d made. Zildiz rounded on Rene, saying:
“Aren’t you going to deal with him? I only severed his neural connection to paralyze his exomorph. He’s still very much alive.”
“No!” Rene yelled, “That’s not how I—how people do things. Almighty ancestors, is that so hard for you to grasp?”
“Yes,” Zildiz replied quite candidly.
“He’s a living, breathing human being. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but those are pretty rare on Arachnea and worth keeping around.”
“No. He is a Leaper. After extracting your gilt helix, he and his packmates would devoured you right then and there.”
“That’s why you saved me, isn’t it? So they couldn’t obtain this shiny helix thing?”
Zildiz ignored his question, continuing:
“If you leave him here, at best he will die of exposure. At worst, his tribe will come looking for him, and if they find him, they will run us down and kill us anyway.”
Rene bit his lip. She spoke the truth and they both knew it. But after all this world had already taken from him, there remained one thing which he refused to part with. And Rene knew that if he gave in now and took the expedient option—the sensible option—he would be surrendering it forever.
“Sorry,” he said finally, “That’s against the rules.”
He dragged Zildiz over to the Leaper and spoke to him, saying:
“I won’t kill you. I’m not about to eat you either, so you can stop begging for a quick death. As long as you tell me what I want to know, we’ll leave you here and go our separate ways. I might even patch your wounds if you’re cooperative. Does that strike you as a fair bargain?”
The Leaper met this pronouncement with a look of utter perplexity that mirrored the one on Zildiz’s face.
“I’ll take that silence as a yes,” Rene said impatiently, “You’ll begin by telling me your name.”
“Kryptusshh,” the Leaper said slowly, as if not daring to hope.
“Very good. Are there any more of your people out there, Kryptus?”
“Why sshhould I trusht you? I would only be dooming more of my kindred, and there issh no certainty you would not kill me afterwardssh.”
“It’s a chance you have to take,” Rene shrugged, “Either that, or I’ll let this woman do as she pleases with you. And just between you and me,” he said in a loud stage whisper, “She doesn’t seem all that fond of your sort.”
Zildiz and Kryptus locked eyes with each other. Rene could almost feel the waves of hatred coming off her as she bristled, every tendon in her body tensing expectantly. Kryptus must have seen something he didn’t like, for he looked away and said:
“I am a warrior of the Weeping Vipersh. We are roughly eleven hundred sshtrong. One tenth of that number are bravesshh like me.”
“He lies,” Zildiz said, baring her teeth in a snarl, “That is less than half their true strength. He does not count the adolescents and the old loom-mothers, who are the deadliest of their kind.”
“Three hundred, then, if they are consshidered,” Kryptman quickly admitted, “Your pardon, merciful one.”
“I’ll excuse your forgetfulness just this once,” Rene warned, “But your memory better not fail you again.”
He questioned the Leaper closely. Kryptus claimed that only he and his pack had seen the safety pod’s crash landing, and that they had told no one else as they wished to claim the great prize all for themselves. The Weeping Vipers were the largest tribe in the rainforest and were always looking for an advantage over their numerous and belligerent neighbors. Apparently Kryptus had hoped to gain a modicum of the Divine Engine’s power by extracting something called a ‘gilt helix’ from Rene’s blood.
“Jussht one sample would have shatishfied uss,” Kryptus swore, “Then we would have taken you back to the Loom alive.”
“I’m sure nothing would’ve pleased you better,” Rene said wryly, all too cognizant of Zildiz’s earlier assumption that he planned to feed her to the Fleet’s youth.
Rene learned from Kryptus that the Divine Engine had ignited a blazing wildfire that was swiftly spreading north and west. The tribes would likely have noticed it by now, and would all be sending braves in a joint effort to douse the flames. For some reason all the Leapers felt collectively responsible for the wellbeing of the region, and could not allow it to come to harm for fear of dire repercussions.
“Last question. Is anyone going to come looking for you?”
“Not till the morning.”
“Good!” said Zildiz, breaking out of Rene’s grip and aiming a vicious kick at the side of the Leaper’s head. Rene barely caught her and yanked her back, shouting:
“Blood and thunder, woman! Is there nothing you won’t do to piss me off?”
“Are you insane? You cannot possibly mean to leave him alive!” the Gallivant hissed.
“That’s exactly what I’m going to do. Now come here!”
Rene took her by the elbow and pulled her forward, leaving Kryptus where he lay.
“You promished you would tend to my woundssh!” the Leaper cried after them.
“Don’t push your luck!” Rene said over his shoulder, “Anyone who follows us will meet the same end as your friends.”
He and his prisoner went tramping off into the night, Zildiz raging at him all the while.
“Fool! We will both come to regret that decision!”
“You’re probably right,” Rene had to agree.
“Then why did you do it?”
“For the same reason I’m letting you strut around and screech into my ear. What can I say? I’m a conversationalist.”
Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road

Can anyone tell me if VMware vsphere 7/8 had a call home feature (for auditing purposes) prior to Broadcom acquisition? Also if they didn’t, did they recently add one or are they planning on adding that feature. I’ve read a few articles that stated that because of the VMware exodus, Broadcom has stated that they will be focusing on auditing previous/current customers to ensure systems are licensed and only using features or resources that were paid for or have active subscriptions. Regarding VMware network traffic do any of you block outgoing traffic to VMware or any subdomains for a particular purpose?

It’s been a long time I wanted to submit this story to the Potato Queen herself!
It’s a long story, actually it’s two stories in one, because as it involves the same person over more than decade long, it’s worth telling the whole story all at once (and it makes it may more fun too!). I decided to share it because it’s the kind of story that doesn’t seem to happen very often.
Below you will find goodies about an ex, a wedding, a dress, a delivery company and more! Please simply be mindful English is not my first language, trying my best to entertain you all the same.
This story goes back a long way, when (let’s name him) Frank (M) and myself (F) were both in college (both 17 at the time, we’re now 33), young and naive teenagers. We started as friends and eventually decided to be together. We then decided to move to another city together, as I was about to start university.
It went well for a while and then started to go south. So, long story short, after about two years together, we decided to break up. It wasn’t a mean breakup or anything, I think we were mostly disappointed it didn’t work out. Anyway.
We live in the province of Quebec. For those who don’t know, there is this weird tradition of starting and ending about any lease on July 1st. I have no idea why, but Canada’s Day has always been for anybody moving, in this province, a synonym of sweating under the sun, moving boxes, lifting heavy things and ending the day with cold beer and cheap pizza in a new and probably not so clean apartment. Why this context? Because we broke up two weeks before July 1st. It means it was virtually impossible to find another apartment so close to this date. We were about 7 hours away from both our families living on the countryside. We were also awfully broke students. We decided to give it a chance at being roommates.
Yes, it was super awkward at first, really not easy to manage to say the least. We were walking on eggshells and were definitely on edge for a while. There were also some pretty awkward situations, like this one time he decided to bring a one night home as I was sleeping in the adjacent room. Not only that, but the shameful phone call he had to make, waking me up in the middle of the night, so I could unlock the front door because he had forgotten his keys to find out he had brought home an acquaintance of mine. Nowadays I find this story delightfully funny tbh. But on that night, as I couldn’t go back to sleep because the gal decided to show off how an amazing singer she could have been —because, oh boy, this voice carried loudly all the way to my ears for more than an hour — I did not find it funny. I was furious, but prepared myself for the eventuality it would ever happen again. Do you remember the “Tiny Wall Challenges”? Let’s just say I had some games ideas after that night.
Anyway, anybody would probably have walked away but we still deeply cared for each other. We even did better than just survive through this whole year as roommates, we decided to move into a bigger apartment with two other friends. Believe it or not, we stayed there two more years. Moreover, these years were some of the best years and I still keep lots of good memories from this period.
Fast forward to the second part of the story. After being roommates for years, at some point we parted ways and lived our lives. We maintained contact throughout the years and when Frank finally started dating his wife to be, I was absolutely happy for him. He asked her to marry him and she said yes! Our friendship still held such a high place in both our hearts that he asked me to be one of his groomsmen, with his other best friend and his little brother. I felt so honoured, as I was technically a female, to be chosen to be on his side at the wedding.
The bridesmaids chose matching dresses in a beautiful forest green, all from a specialized website from UK, and I was to also be in a dress on the groom’s side, but matching the colour of the other groomsmen suits. With Frank, We all shopped together for their suits, chose a beautiful dark grey for his and a light grey for us, and we were able to match it perfectly with clothing samples I ordered from the website. Everything was going as planned. That being done, I ordered the dress, considering buying two inches heel shoes to go with it. It would take about four months to be done and the dress would arrive about a month and a half before the wedding. I decided to wait for the dress to arrive to pick shoes to go with it.
Four months passed, and I finally received a notice that the dress was on its way. The bridesmaids dresses arrived a bit before mine and they were all absolutely beautiful. As we all ordered from the same shop, we were able to choose different dresses that suited each of our styles, with identical fabrics that made the whole thing look fantastic.
I received the delivery’s notice, saying it was to be delivered by DHL. (If you never had to deal with this delivery company before, let’s just say this in itself is a red flag, but what could I do.)
I chose a delivery date that I could be home all day. I awaited their arrival, and waited. At some point I received a notification that they couldn’t deliver it because there was an error in the address. I called DHL customer service as soon as I read it and could verify with the clerk on the phone that there was no error on the original delivery address and that actually, internally, they miss-wrote a letter of the postal code. The person assured me that the delivery person would be notified and they would then be on their way back.
I waited. It never came.
The next morning, I received a notification that, unable to deliver it, the expeditor had agreed to DESTROY the package! I screamed! Why in the world would the UK online shop allow to destroy a custom made dress that took four months to do?! And why the hell the delivery service didn’t make any other attempt after being responsible of the address error in the first place. I was beyond mad. I called DHL, they confirmed someone at the company had agreed on the destruction of the item. I wrote to the person I was in contact with from the beginning at the online shop (this lovely clerk who clearly never asked for any of this). Over there, they couldn’t find who the hell agreed to this insane request to destroy the dress. They were also appalled and didn’t understand how it could have happened. They could put a request to redo the dress rush, but we first needed to either try to stop the destruction from happening by going to the DHL warehouse directly, or to obtain a proof from DHL that the dress was irreversibly lost forever.
It felt surreal! The fiancées were both furious too. There was only one DHL warehouse we could go to do this kind of request in the city and it was really far. As the clock was ticking, they jumped in their car, joined me, and to the warehouse we went, arriving a few minutes before closing like an epic movie scene. The clerk there was mind blown by the whole situation. It seemed we were too late and the best we could do was to have the proof that, in their system, the dress had effectively transited and was destroyed.
With photos as proof in hand, I forwarded everything to the clerk of the online dress shop. Days passed, as they were awaiting the okay to start sewing a new dress. They were really trying their best to help the situation but it seemed to be a mess over there about the whole situation. We were now a month before the wedding. At some point, I was starting to panic. They finally agreed to redo it, but it would be waaaay too close before the wedding to receive it. Like a few days before kind of close, if nothing happened in transport this time.
I decided to go shopping for another dress. I spent a whole day trying to find the perfect grey that would fit the other groomsmen suits. In the last possible boutique, there was one dress checking all the criteria. I bought the new one and wrote to the first shop, hoping they would agree to refund the lost dress.
I took an appointment later that week to do the adjustments on the new dress. I then shopped for shoes. I found a cute pair with one inch heel that would be perfect for me. I’m not used to walking with heels, so the lower the better after all.
Like all this turmoil wasn’t enough, my family called and told me that my grandfather’s health suddenly decreased. Remember? Seven hours drive from family. I canceled some plans and bought a ticket for the night’s bus ride right after the dress fitting. On that morning, the UK shop agreed to refund the dress. That part was a big relief. I went to the dress fitting. At last, three weeks before the wedding, The second dress would be ready in about seven days. I came back home to gather some things to get back out to catch my bus.
But suddenly, the doorbell rang.
I opened.
Some DHL delivery man casually gave me a package and left.
Yes. That’s what you think.
I closed the door, went to my room, sat on the bed, opened the bag. It was indeed the first dress. I had a melt down. I cried so hard. I put the dress down, looked at it, told it “I’ll deal with you when I come back” and went away to the bus station.
Few days later, coming back from the family, I collected the second dress and dealt with the first one, which no longer fitted the length of the shoes! My MIL at the time knew an old lady who was lovely enough to accommodate me and do the fitting of the first one for a as modest price. I decided to keep it a secret until the wedding day. (These friends wouldn’t do any drama about reveals etc, nor would they think it was stealing any of their thunder, don’t worry about that.)
On the wedding morning, I effectively surprised the bride and groom with both dresses. They were mind blowed, flabbergasted to say the least! I put the original one for the official photoshoot and discretely changed right after dinner for the other one. People around that had followed the incredible adventures were laughing out loud and finding it hilarious that I decided to wear both of them as I had so much troubles!
Quite a story with dresses and with an ex, right? Guess what, I’m also the godmother of their first child!

Hello! I'm visiting Bordeaux with a large group of 14 in late June primarily to tour Saint-Émilion. As someone that likes to plan in advance I'm keen to book dinner for Friday and Saturday night in advance because we're a large group. We'll be staying in the city centre, close to the Mériadeck district, but happy to travel. We'd definitely be eager to avoid tourist traps and sample food that is indicative of the city and region if we can. Does anyone have any good recommendations where we could book a table in advance?

Can anyone tell me what is involved in a T2 audit? Is it just like an audit done by a firm? Test the balance sheet. Sample revenues and expenses to ensure occurrence, completeness, accuracy, cutoff and classification. If they find errors will they expand their search into additional periods?

To get phone deals bringing over new lines, it usually says "activate a new voice line on a qualifying rate plan". But I can not find a list of plans that qualify. Some promos actually list the plan like Go5G (expensive).

Any idea where I can find this information?

Sample Promo : Promo Code: P716 Apple Activate ID240197​
https://www.t-mobile.com/offers/promotional-offer-details

Someone mentioned a book called "Nourishing Yourself Through Eating Disorder Recovery" or something to that effect. It was like, the "plate-by-plate" approach or something similar.
I'm broke as hell and can't buy the book right now, but I was wondering if anyone on here could explain some of the main guidelines to me. Or if you could point me to any free resources that would guide me in a similar way.
I also recently asked my psych NP to request samples from Kate Farms, which is like, supercharged Ensure that's also vegan and made of pea protein. It's for medical nutrition. They sent two boxes containing a dozen each of the vanilla 1.0 and plain 1.5, which surprised both of us to no end. I figured I might get one or two and a coupon for my next order or something. She's a nurse practitioner, not a doctor or psychiatrist or nutrition specialist, nor is she an eating disorder specialist of any kind. I'm guessing a therapist could also make the request; it just has to come from some type of medical provider. Oh and she has another client with similar issues who has Medicaid and got them to pay for a YEAR SUPPLY of the stuff. Completely covered.
I got them yesterday. My first thought was, wow, I have to tell other people about this. I mean, I can't imagine I'm the only broke bitch who also has food problems like this. I'm barely functional, but I still want to help make things better for others. And I think it's good to be reminded that some things in this world aren't awful and unfair. Sometimes you can still be surprised by generosity, and it's nice to know that this exists, that several people went out of their way to not just make and sell the product, but recognized that there was a need that wasn't being addressed: some folks with EDs or other eating and feeding issues don't have money, but they still need a product like this. They saw that, and they actually DID SOMETHING: they created a form for providers to request samples, and the samples are incredibly generous.
I'm just saying, it's good to remind yourself that not everything in the world is brutally unfair. I have to do it often in the last several months. But that is another story for another subreddit lol
My second thought was, wait, now what? Because I have these things and should probably try to use them. But I have no idea how to incorporate them into my diet. So I'm doing what any broke bitch with an internet connection would do in this day and age: I'm asking Reddit. And a few other places, but this is one of my go-to sites for certain things.
How do you all incorporate supplements like this in your recovery efforts? And I'll take all the meal planning info I can get. I'm also vegan, but that predates and exists apart from the ED shenanigans, at least for me. I recognize that some folks use that kind of diet as a mask for disordered eating, but I'm 34 and went vegan at 16. My food weirdness existed before that, but it didn't reach ED levels until I was nearly 18. Veganism has always been a matter of ethics for me, but I'm way past the point where I could be bothered to harass others about it. Inform, sure, but I think it would be pretty bonkers for me to try to tell anyone how to live and eat, when I can barely get myself to do those things lately.
Y'all, I hate this. Eating is literally a basic biological function. Plenty of idiots do it with no problem, and I can't. Bigots and other generally awful people do it all the time, zero issues, but it's my fucking kryptonite. I want to do so many things in this world and yet all my energy is going towards anorexia. I hate that I even care.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk lol

The people involved (names are changed):
Jake – me
Tom – my flatmate
Kath – Tom’s girlfriend
Emily – Kath’s flatmate
TLDR (but context is very important for how the situation develops):
· Me and Emily get with each other at a party.
· It turns out Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me. Since Emily went and did it anyway, Kath falls out with her.
· Kath ends her friendship with Emily. Me and Emily continue seeing each other.
· When I plan to go to see Emily at their apartment, Tom tells me that Kath is in a really dark place mentally, and the thought of me and Emily being there together while Kath’s there is triggering her anxiety, so he asks me not to go over.
· Me and Emily follow these instructions for months, all whilst Tom and Kath continue coming and going to either of our apartments as they please.
· Emily eventually gets in touch with Kath to try and understand exactly why me coming over is an issue, since Kath has no problem coming to my place. Kath has a meltdown due to this and it makes her suicidal.
· Tom falls out with me because I knew about the messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
(Skip to 'Late April' if you want to go straight to the crux of this post, but I do think it's quite an entertaining read).
Background Context
Me and Tom (both mid-twenties) have lived together in our apartment since I moved to the city last year. I’ve known him for several years and would put him in my inner circle of closest friends, so living with him was all just good chill vibes as expected - or at least it was for the first six months.
I met Tom’s girlfriend of several months, Kath, for the first time pretty soon after moving in. Although she was kind of shy, I thought she seemed nice enough. I noticed that Kath would seem to lean on Tom a fair amount when it came to support for her mental health (she had been diagnosed with anxiety), which of course is normal as her boyfriend. On one occasion, she had a particularly bad anxious episode during a group hangout, with Tom consoling her about it afterwards. Following this, Tom seemed exhausted, saying to me “I’m not a professional, I’m not equipped to deal with all this mental health stuff. She needs help from someone who can adequately help her deal with these thoughts. When she blows things out of proportion and she stresses out to me about her anxiety, it just ends up making my own anxiety worse”. He also said that he had even offered to pay for therapy for Kath, but she didn’t want to accept it.
I just felt bad for Tom, especially since I had some understanding of what he was going through. I had previously had a girlfriend who had anxiety/depression/BPD and put all her mental health issues on me. That girlfriend was also very manipulative and would mention suicidal thoughts any time she started feeling like she was losing control over me (just to be clear, there was no indication that Kath was acting in a manipulative way towards Tom at that point). In my experience, when you end up in a situation where you’re essentially acting as someone’s full-time personal mental health counsellor, it hardly ever ends well.
At some point in January, I met Kath’s “bestie” flatmate, Emily. I remember thinking she was cute, seemed nice and easy to talk to. We all hung out as a group a few times that month and I thought there may have been a little bit of a vibe between me and Emily.
So as you do, I slid into Emily’s DMs and basically let her know I was interested. I messaged her a week or two before our party that her and Kath were coming to, but her response was lukewarm so I just thought she probably wasn’t interested.
For context, I had recently broken up with my girlfriend in January, who had just got back from travelling for the last 6 months. Things in that relationship weren’t great before she even went travelling, and during the months she was away I had come to terms with the fact that it was best to end it. I waited until she was back to say it in person, as I didn’t want to drop that on her while she was travelling and ruin that once in a lifetime experience. However, deep down I knew I had wanted talk to other girls and explore new connections for the last few months, but obviously I didn’t want talk to anyone until it was cleanly over. Me messaging Emily was only a few days after breaking up with her, which I guess isn’t great, but in my head I had been ready to move on for a while, I saw no point in putting an arbitrary time limit on myself. I made sure to explain this context when I messaged Emily so that she was aware of my recent circumstances.
The Party (End of January)
So me and Emily end up getting with each other at the party. Initially, when I brought up me messaging her, she said “I think you’re cute, but I think it’s best we just be friends for the next couple months, since you just recently got out of a relationship, and we can see what happens afterwards”. But as the night went on, I guess Emily changed her mind, because as we kept talking it got increasingly flirty and we ended up getting together. Perfect end to the night, right? Not exactly.
At one point when Emily goes to the bathroom, she comes back into my bedroom saying “Kath is furious at me”. I ask why, and she says that Kath had basically forbidden her from getting with me.
Back when I first messaged Emily, she had of course shown Kath the messages straight away. It turns out Kath for some reason had a really intense reaction to this and was like “I can’t believe he has the audacity to hit on my best friend right after breaking up with his girlfriend! It’s so disrespectful using you as a rebound, it’s disrespectful to his ex and it’s disrespectful to me for hitting on my best friend like this! He was the only one of Tom’s friends that I actually liked but he’s ruined that too now!”.
Apparently, Kath had been used as a rebound before and this was triggering for her, so she didn’t want her best friend to be used as a rebound. She said “you can’t get with him, Emily, that’s my boundary.” Emily was a bit taken aback by the intensity of this reaction and was just a bit like “umm okay…?”. She tried a few times before the party to understand a bit more about why Kath had such a problem with it but didn’t get much further explanation than that.
Now, I agree that Emily was in the wrong for saying to Kath that she wouldn’t get with me and then went and did it anyway, and Emily also acknowledges this. Emily should have said from the start she wasn’t okay with this weird “boundary” Kath had set. It was a bit cowardly. Although given how intensely Kath overreacts to things, I can understand why Emily initially just agreed to whatever she was saying to calm her down. I can also understand how when you’re at a party having fun, drinking and realise that you do actually have a good vibe with the person, in the moment you might change your mind and be like “actually fuck that, who the fuck is she to tell me who I can and can’t get with?”.
Kath saw this as Emily having no respect for their friendship, by choosing some guy she’d just met over her. From Emily’s perspective she was choosing herself, choosing not to follow these nonsensical rules that had been imposed on her, and she was just tired of Kath overreacting to everything and trying to control her.
In my opinion, being this controlling for no good reason is pretty disrespectful in itself. Given that Kath’s reason for telling Emily not to get with me was because she didn’t want her to be used as a rebound…well that’s Emily’s risk to take, isn’t it? I can see how from Emily’s perspective, she knew Kath might not be happy about it, but it’s also not some deep betrayal, since based on the reason Kath gave, the consequence would only be on Emily herself. Emily had the exact same knowledge about my recent relationship status as Kath did, so why did Kath think she can tell her what to do?
As we get to further into this post and the real reason why Kath set this “boundary” is revealed, you will see why I actually think any argument Kath has against Emily for getting with me at the party is automatically void, but we will learn these details as they come.
Start of February
After the events of the party, Kath didn’t want to talk to Emily the next day when she tried to initiate communication via message (Kath tends to avoid in-person confrontation). Fair enough, Emily gave her space. Me and Emily spend the next day together just talking and getting to know each other more, and it’s clear that we vibe together and both feel very comfortable with each other, which is pretty rare for both of us.
I don’t see Tom for the first few days after the party, as he had been staying at Kath’s. When I do, I’m a bit surprised that he didn’t think much of Kath’s reaction at the party. He says “yeah I probably should have warned you about this beforehand”. We both agree that Emily was in the wrong for going back on what she said, but also that Kath shouldn’t have tried to control her like that. He did say “sorry I know this put you in an awkward position”.
A few days after the party, Emily again tries to get in touch with Kath via message.
Emily’s message essentially apologised for her actions, saying she was in the wrong for going back on what she said, and that she should have said from the start that she wasn’t happy with this “boundary”. She also said that Kath shouldn’t have tried to dictate her life and tell her what to do, especially when it’s something that’s none of her business, and that she is going to continue seeing me, taking the risk of being a “rebound”.
Kath’s response essentially said the whole incident at the party was only a small part of why she exploded so intensely, this was just the last in a long line of things Emily had done in the past which she had not forgiven her for. This was just the last straw for Kath because “it hit so close to home, so close to the love of my life”. She wanted things to be civil between them until the end of their tenancy, but this was essentially the end of their friendship.
Okay good, Kath flipping out so badly now finally made a bit more sense to me. Obviously, I wanted to know what Emily had done that was so bad to cause this, as any indicators of bad character would inform whether I choose to keep talking to her.
Emily went through these, explaining that these were incidents from their past that they had discussed at the time, dealt with and moved on from. I have cut these out for the word limit as they don’t add much to this post, but it was the most minor, nonsensical things (I can explain in the comments if anyone wants details).
In any case, I wasn’t particularly interested in what mistakes Emily might have made months or years ago, I was more interested in what her character was like now and going forward.
Early/Mid February
So here’s where the main situation we’re in now starts. For context, Kath and Emily’s apartment is in the city center, close to where both mine and Tom’s offices are, so it would make sense to go over in the evening and go into work from theirs the next morning, as Tom has been doing once or twice a week for the last few months.
It's worth noting that ever since the party right up to the present moment, Emily and Kath have not been interacting at all, avoiding each other in their apartment, only messaging for things like bill payments.
The first time I planned to go stay round Emily’s place was early/mid-February. When I mention this to Tom, he tells me that Kath has been having a really bad time mentally since the party, and the thought of me and Emily being there together triggers her anxiety. He asks me not to go over to their apartment for the next couple of weeks or so while she’s in this particularly bad phase. I don’t really understand what me going over and seeing Emily has to do with Kath’s anxiety (and Tom says he doesn't really understand it either himself), but I say okay fine it’s not that big of deal, I won’t go over for the time being.
Now, a valid question for myself is why I decided to keep seeing Emily, despite knowing that Kath had fallen out with her and therefore knowing it could potentially cause fiction between me and Tom. I don’t think I did anything wrong for several reasons:
· I suppose there’s the general visceral reaction against being told what to do. Like mind your own business, it’s not my fault Kath decided to get involved in my business. Why should she get what she wants when she’s the one being unreasonable? Why should we deny ourselves the opportunity of getting to know someone we seem to vibe with just because Tom’s girlfriend doesn’t like it?
· Before I even knew there was any issue at all, it was already too late; I had already gotten with Emily, they had already fallen out, and Kath already thought I was a dickhead. So what good would it do now to not see each other? Kath already didn’t like me (and she had also previously told me that once she doesn’t like someone, there’s no going back, they’re finished in her mind).
· In the initial first few days after the party, both me and Tom were kind of expecting that Kath’s reaction would blow over in a few days after she had cooled down. How could I have predicted that her reaction would instead continue getting increasingly intense as the situation went on?
· Frankly, I was annoyed at Tom at this point. He knew how Kath had reacted to me messaging Emily, so why did he just bend over and enable his girlfriends’ controlling, unreasonable behavior without question? If it was my girlfriend acting like this generally, I’d be like “why are you getting involved in their business, just let them do what they want?”, and especially so if it was directly affecting one of my close friends.
· Fundamentally, there’s no inherent reason why there had to be any issue at all? Okay Kath has ended her friendship with Emily and might not like that we’re seeing each other, but there’s no need for there to be any continued drama. Obviously we won’t all be hanging out as a four having fun like I had initially hoped, but that doesn’t mean we can’t just exist as adults and be civil? The only reason this continues to be an issue in the first place is because Kath is making it an issue for everyone else involved.
· Finally, I actually like Emily – from the first few days it was clear it wasn’t just going to be a FWB situation. If it felt like more of a superficial FWB situation, then yeah I probably would have just thought it’s not worth the drama, even though I thought Kath was the one in the wrong.
Late February
Over the month of February, me and Emily keep hanging out and getting closer. Whilst I was keeping a very close eye on her for any sign of character flaws (it was still possible that Kath could be in the right, even though her side of it didn’t make much sense to me), the more I got to know her, the more it seemed my initial judgment of her was accurate. I saw how she acted with her other friends, they all seemed to really value and appreciate her. I saw her helping out her friend in need of a fairly large amount of money without a second thought, I saw her going to accompany her friend for a medical scan they had, and generally she was really nice and thoughtful with me. Not exactly the behavior of an inconsiderate person.
Sometime in late February, Emily messages me completely baffled. She couldn’t believe that Kath had invited over a girl from their social circle, Dianne. The reason why this is a bit scandalous is because Kath is always talking shit about Dianne behind her back. And it’s not just “she can be a bit annoying sometimes”, it’s an explicit sentiment of how much she dislikes her, how much of a bad person she is and how much she wants her removed from her life. And she does this frequently, I barely speak to Kath and even I’ve heard her rant about how much she doesn’t like Dianne. So, she’s constantly saying this kind of stuff behind her back, and here she is now inviting her round for tea acting all friendly. I just found that so two-faced and this inevitably shaped my perception of Kath being deceptive.
Not long after I heard about this, Kath was round our place over the weekend. Me, Tom and Kath were heading off to our friend’s housewarming party later that day, with me driving us. At one point when the three of us are all in the kitchen, Kath speaks to me properly for the first time since the party, basically to clear the air. She says she doesn’t want there to be any bad blood between us and that her problem wasn’t with me, it was with Emily. I just say that I was cool with her, I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with me or when coming over to our apartment, and that the situation between her and Emily was between them and not my business.
I wasn’t entirely convinced with her “clearing the air”, given that I had seen she apparently has no issue with being two-faced, but at the time I thought it was best to stay cool with her for the sake of me and Tom’s friendship and also I didn’t particularly fancy spending the rest of the day and a long car ride with awkward vibes.
End of February
At the end of February, Tom asks me how things are going with Emily and basically advises caution with her. He says that from what he’s seen she’s basically not a good person and she’s generally inconsiderate. I tell him I find that surprising from what I’ve seen of Emily, but I know it’s possible she could have just been putting on a front for the last month. I openly accept this, saying “I want to hear what you have to say, obviously you’re my friend and I respect your opinion”.
Essentially, he doesn’t bring up anything that I hadn’t already been told.
When I question Tom on why Kath thought she was a mind reader and assuming what my intentions were with Emily at the very start of this whole thing, Tom reveals he had since found out that the real reason Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me in the first place actually wasn’t really to do with me recently breaking up with my girlfriend/using Emily as a rebound (Tom said this was a minor part of the reason, more of an excuse to base it on). It was more that Kath already knew beforehand that she wanted to end her friendship with Emily and was essentially trying to prevent her still being part of her life (i.e. by getting close to her boyfriend’s friend/flatmate).
Now it all made sense why Kath tried to “ban” her from getting with me in the first place. I’m not sure if Tom thought telling me this would make me more sympathetic to Kath’s side of it, but if anything, this deceptive behavior was even more of a red flag to me. As far as everyone (except for Kath) was concerned, her and Emily were best friends. Kath had even said to Emily a couple of weeks before the party that “she was like a sister to her”.
Tom didn’t seem to have much issue with this, saying something along the lines of “yeah I know she shouldn’t have kept all this stuff bottled up, but she doesn’t like confrontation, it makes her really anxious”.
After learning this, I think any argument for Emily being in the wrong for disobeying Kath’s instructions at the party is automatically void: Imagine having the audacity to be like “yeah I know I tried to control you by framing it as me being a protective friend looking out for you, but actually it was really because I wanted to end my friendship with you anyway teehee 😊”. In my view that is just so manipulative. No wonder the reason given to Emily for not getting with me made no sense to her.
When I revealed this to Emily, she said that she had been suspecting that was the case anyway, but it still really hurt to hear it confirmed.
Form her perspective it was like: “So was Kath holding all these grudges all the times I was consoling her for whatever mental health issue she was having at any given time?” (I wonder if Tom was thinking what a bad person Emily was when it was him and Emily staying up till stupid o’clock trying to console Kath who was crying about job applications a few weeks before all this kicked off). There are many other examples of things she had done for Kath in both the recent and more distant past.
Kath also knew that Emily’s best friend had killed herself a few years prior, and after going through the loss of her best friend, Emily had always said she was super hesitant to call anyone her “best friend”. Kath knew about this and still let Emily believe they were best friends, whilst she clearly didn’t really mean it, which I think is quite cruel of her.
Despite what I had seen of Emily so far, I still took what Tom said into account, and continued to watch her carefully.
Mid March
Another couple of weeks pass and given that my last interaction with Kath was her clearing the air with me, I thought everything was now cool between us. I mention to Tom at the start of the week that I’m planning to stay at their apartment later that week and he says “okay cool”. However, later that same evening, he once again asks me not to go over to their apartment. Apparently when he told Kath that I was going over, she started having a panic attack at the thought of me going there.
At this point I’m really started to get frustrated at this situation and again I try to understand exactly what the problem is, because this entire time Kath and Tom have been coming and going to either apartment as they please, so Kath clearly doesn’t have a problem coming to my apartment while I’m there. Tom again says that he doesn’t fully understand it himself, and that Kath doesn’t want to feel this way either, but she’s in a really bad place at the moment and me being there with Emily is really triggering her anxiety.
This makes no sense to me or Emily, because we obviously wouldn’t do anything to make Kath uncomfortable, and from our perspective this is just enabling her dysfunctional way of dealing with this situation.
Even though I still don’t understand what the fuck me seeing Emily has got to do with Kath’s mental health, I’m obviously not going to barge my way into someone’s home when I’m not welcome. So once again, I do as I’m told and say I won’t go over. But I do tell Tom that this situation isn’t going to continue going on like this indefinitely, and to me it feels to me like I’m being walked all over, in the sense of “oh yeah no worries, you two carry on going to either apartment as you please, I’ll just sit here like a dickhead and follow my instructions, don’t worry about it 😊”. He does say sorry and that he knows it’s inconvenient for us, but it's an even bigger inconvenience for Kath.
It’s worth bearing in mind that at this point, I could have responded to this situation by saying that if I’m not welcome at her apartment, Kath is not welcome here (or equally Emily could say to Kath “you can’t bring Tom round”). Whilst yes, it’s a bit petty, I think this would be a completely justified response to prevent a situation where we are being walked all over. Because what would be the alternative? They just carry on doing as they please indefinitely whilst Emily is told she isn’t allowed to have equal use of her own apartment? Now obviously telling your friend that his girlfriend isn’t allowed to come over is really a last resort and would definitely put a big dent in our friendship, and generally I have no desire to control what anyone else does, so of course I didn’t respond in this way.
Despite my frustration at this entire situation, I do feel bad for Tom because I can see how uncomfortable he seems during these conversations with me, he obviously doesn’t want to give me these unreasonable instructions. I can only assume he’s just trying to do whatever he can to keep his girlfriend afloat and prevent her next meltdown. I’ve been there myself dealing with a girlfriend with mental health issues, so I don’t want to actively make things worse for my friend either. However, I’m also worried that it’s likely to get worse for him the more he feeds into it and gets sucked into it.
At this point, the cynical side of me couldn’t help but wonder if Kath was being a bit manipulative and leaning into all the mental health stuff to maintain control of the situation.
· She seemingly is unable to give a reason for exactly why me and Emily being in her apartment makes her so uncomfortable. To me, this was completely indistinguishable from her just hating the fact that we’re together.
· All this reminds me of exactly the same kind of manipulative behavior I saw with that ex-girlfriend.
· She’s shown she has no problem with being intentionally deceptive – maybe if the entire basis of this situation hadn’t started off with Kath being manipulative she would have a bit more credibility in my eyes.
I know this kind of behavior is often not even intentional, and that it can be subconscious where the person doesn’t even realise they’re being manipulative.
(Still Mid March)
Now we get to the part that pisses me off the most in this whole situation. Only a few days after that conversation with Tom, for some reason Kath comes to stay in our apartment for the weekend while Tom was away at a house party. As in, it’s just me and Kath in my apartment.
Personally, I couldn’t imagine having the nerve to say to someone they aren’t welcome in my home because their presence triggers me, and then only a mere few days later actively choosing to go stay the weekend at their place while it’s just us two in the apartment. Like either my presence triggers you or it doesn’t?
Now to be fair, Tom had asked me a week or two beforehand if Kath could come to our apartment to hang out with someone from our friend group while he was away, and I said that was cool. Anyway, those plans fell through, but Kath still came over by herself.
But the main thing that pissed me off about this is that Tom, after knowing that I was already feeling like I was being taken for a mug in this situation, apparently didn’t even think it was worth bothering to check with me if it was still cool with me that Kath came round, given our conversation a few days prior.
If he’d at least checked in like, “I know it’s a bit weird that she’s coming to stay round by herself after having just said that your presence triggers her anxiety”, I still would’ve said okay, because I have no desire to control what anyone does. But it was just the fact he didn’t seem to care, saying “btw Kath is gonna stay here tonight” moments before leaving to his party.
To me it felt like he had spent the last month or so basically giving me instructions to make sure everyone caters to his girlfriend’s feelings, and yet didn’t give the slightest consideration to how this would make me feel. Part of me was thinking does he even see me as a friend or just as an inconvenience to his relationship at this point?
I spoke to Tom in the week following this, expressing how I had felt about Kath staying round. He did apologise and acknowledged he could’ve checked in with me, but he didn’t really seem to understand why her coming over like that was such a kick in the teeth for me. He said Kath doesn’t have a problem with me, it’s only a very specific situation that triggers her (i.e. me and Emily being in her apartment together).
Again I try to understand exactly why it’s a problem. Ever since the party, Emily’s presence in their apartment has consisted of her quietly staying in her room, quickly cooking her food and going straight back to her room. She doesn’t spend 2 hours in the kitchen making food like Kath and Tom sometimes do when he’s there.
Tom again says he doesn’t fully understand it himself. From what he understands, it’s triggering because her home is her safe space and if we’re both there it’s like there’s two hostile presences in that safe space. He reiterated that she is in a very dark place at the moment, and that she’s been having frequent panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.
Tom then says that Kath would be prepared to leave the apartment if me and Emily wanted to meet there, and Kath would basically get out of the way and come to me and Tom’s apartment instead. This did give me a bit more confidence that Kath wasn’t just purposefully making things difficult.
If Kath genuinely meant this, then of course that’s really appreciated, but I’m obviously not going to make her leave her own home and come all the way to ours to then have a 2 hour commute to her work. It’s so over the top and needless. I think that this clearly isn’t a functional solution going forward. What if one day when we want to meet up, Kath has had a long day at work and doesn’t feel like leaving her apartment (obviously, fair enough!), what if she’s got plans with friends in her apartment that evening? In any case, it’s still a situation where rules are being imposed on us, I can never just spontaneously decide to go see Emily one day after work or something. We still can’t come and go freely in the same way they have been doing for the past two months. It would be much better to understand why exactly it’s such a problem and see how we’re going to find a long-term solution, instead of Kath just running away from it.
The cynical side of me was wondering if Kath was just saying this knowing that neither me or Emily are realistically going to make her leave her own home, and if we do agree to it, then she can say “oh look how inconsiderate they are, making me leave my own home just so that they can be in the apartment”, ensuring that she keeps Tom firmly on her side.
Logically, I would’ve thought as time goes on, Kath would eventually get used to the situation and just accept it. Conversely, is it not quite understandable that the longer we have rules imposed on us, the more frustrated we become?
Once again say that I won’t go over and tell him that I won’t press this issue for the time being.
Late April
So now we get to the latest development in the situation, which is the crux of this post.
For the next month or so after that conversation with Tom, me and Emily have just been following our instructions and not pressed anything, whilst they continue coming and going as they please. One weekend we’re talking about the whole ‘Kath situation’ and we say “okay we’ve left it for a while now, it’s probably time to see how we’re going to move forward with this”.
In that next week, Emily sends Kath the following message:
“Hey, I appreciate this message might be uncomfortable but we need to discuss the fact that Jake can’t come here while you’re at home because I know that him and Tom have spoken about this but we’ve never addressed it with each other and I think it’s unfair that they’ve been largely absorbing this conflict this whole time. Can you please tell me what the exact problem would be and how we could make it work? At the end of the day we both pay equal rent here and I should be allowed to bring someone over, especially considering that Tom comes here whenever you want. We’re nothing more than just 2 housemates now and if you were living with a stranger from Spareroom such restrictions couldn’t have existed. I think I’ve let it slide and should have addressed it earlier, but it’s time we come up with a fair solution and I’d like to know if there’s anything reasonable we can do. I don’t want to go into other conversations about our fallout cause that’s done and dusted now, I want to strictly address this issue. Would you like some notice before he comes? I can’t always guarantee how far in advance I can let you know but I will do my best to give you enough time.”
Kath’s response:
“hey, I do not really appreciate this conversation being brought up 2 days before my birthday and I wish we can settle it today and not drag it on. And I do not appreciate you using Tom as a weapon to guilt trip me either. Please let me know if he is coming over tonight so that I can go somewhere else. As u probably already know I am in a really bad place at the moment and being in the apartment with both of you makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. I’m already struggling to be there and I have been discussing with the agency about terminating the contract early, the terms have only been made clear to me today so I was going to message you about it. By paying a fee of £660 (£330 each) we can terminate the contract 12^th of June and I wish u will consider this. I will be gone from the apartment for 2 weeks. I would really appreciate it if you do not bring him over in the next few days as I said it will be my birthday and I will be gone for 2 weeks after if you decide to do so after this, please let me know at least 2 days in advance so that I can leave (pack clothes and everything), but do not take advantage of this as it is extremely difficult for me to commute to work – it takes me 2 hours on the bus”
Emily’s response to this:
“I don’t appreciate you using your birthday as a “weapon” to paint me as an inconsiderate person once again as you’re saying you were going to message me anyway about terminating the contract. You always have Tom round without any notice, without ever considering if it was ever uncomfortable for me given what’s happened - but now you expect me to organise our schedule around you? We can’t ever do something spontaneous or simply make plans the day before? Jake won’t be coming tonight or in the next few days until you’re away. I was hoping we could talk about why exactly this makes you uncomfortable and unsafe as it’s quite clear we wouldn’t interact with you or do anything to purposely upset/annoy you. You also had no problem being in his apartment with him without Tom there, so clearly his presence must not be that big of a problem. I am going to get back to you about terminating the contract as I have to figure out where I would go, but I’d love nothing more than to leave this apartment as early as possible too.”
There was no response after Emily’s second message.
Tom comes back to our apartment the next day and ignores me all day until the evening when he asks “Did you know that Emily was going to send those messages?”.
I say “Yes, obviously?”. He responds with “Right, okay” and starts walking back towards his room.
I ask him what was wrong with the messages, and he comes back and says “what the fuck is Emily doing sending messages like that to my suicidal girlfriend?”. He essentially thought the tone of the messages, the proximity to Kath’s birthday and the fact that we’re once again bringing up this issue of me coming round was out of order. He also said that Emily’s 2^nd message was implying that she was just going to bring me round without any notice anyway (looking at the message, no it wasn’t? It was just highlighting the unfairness of Kath expecting us to organise our schedule around her? None of the messages say that I’m going to come over, they are essentially just trying to understand exactly why it makes Kath uncomfortable).
We also did note that it was Kath’s birthday on the Friday (messages were sent on Tuesday). Maybe that wasn’t ideal, but we thought what real difference does it make? This is nothing new, it’s the same situation that’s been ongoing for the last 3 months anyway (and personally, I thought that up until the moment Kath says “okay sorry, I shouldn’t have imposed rules on you” then she shouldn’t expect that this won’t be brought up to her?).
I was a bit shocked at how angry he was and explained that we’re just trying to understand exactly what her issue is, because it still doesn’t make any sense to us. I bring up the general point about Kath imposing rules on people and expects everyone to cater to her feelings, whilst zero consideration has been given to how Emily has felt over the last 3 months, when not only does it make her uncomfortable as well that there are two “hostile presences” in her home, but especially given that those hostile presences have told her she’s not allowed to have equal use of her apartment she also pays rent for.
Tom responds with “but it’s not making Emily feel suicidal is it? Kath was having convulsions on the fucking bed last night after those messages. Why do you keep focusing on this tiny issue of coming to the apartment when my girlfriend is literally suicidal? She’s already said she’d make arrangements to leave the apartment for when you want to come over, and yet you keep pressing the issue and triggering her further”.
In that moment I was a bit taken aback and didn’t have much of a response. I kind of just sat and processed that for a few minutes, thinking “fuck, have I actually been in the wrong this whole time?”. Tom looked exhausted and stressed out, he must have been dealing with Kath’s meltdown the whole of the night before.
I say to Tom “tell Kath not to worry about me coming over while she’s there, I’m not going to, I’ll just leave it for good and won’t press this issue anymore”. Tom doesn’t give much of a response, but I think he says “I appreciate it”. He leaves for his two-week holiday shortly after.
I felt really bad that evening, thinking I had caused Tom to have to deal with whatever horrible meltdown because of me pressing this issue. Maybe I had been overly cynical of Kath, and she genuinely was just trying her best and not meaning to be manipulative.
When Tom got back from his holiday, he basically confirmed our friendship is over because I had known about those messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
I’ve thought about the situation a lot since he left for his holiday:
· Looking back at the messages Emily sent, I think the tone is completely fine? Every single person I’ve shown the messages to has said they are actually quite kind and empathetic, and way nicer than they need to be given Kath’s behavior over the last 3 months.
· Tom’s reaction was essentially “how dare Emily have the audacity to ask for a reason why she hasn’t been allowed to have equal use of her own apartment for the last 3 months!”
· It’s true that Tom had mentioned that Kath had been having some suicidal thoughts a month prior, but I didn’t know that this would directly impact that, especially since I thought the message was quite nice and sensitive. Just the weekend before this Tom and Kath were out clubbing, having fun and they were going on holiday later that week. So obviously I didn’t realise she was still feeling so bad. How could anyone expect that simply asking the question of “why does this make you so uncomfortable” would result in this reaction.
· As soon as I did realise how intensely Kath had reacted, and what Tom had had to deal with as a result, I backed off straight away, saying that she doesn’t have to worry, I’m not going to press it anymore.
· Realistically, if this is how Kath reacts to being asked for basic fairness, then I think really she needs to be in a mental health crisis center or hospital, not just carrying on with everyday life as if everything is fine, and certainly not in a situation where she’s imposing rules on people.
· At the end of the day, Kath’s mental health is not my responsibility, nor is it Tom’s responsibility. I think it’s unfair of Kath to have made it his problem to such a large degree.
Logically, I don’t think I’m in the wrong, and yet Tom’s reaction to this makes me feel like I’m going crazy. That’s why I wrote out everything’s that’s happened from start to finish to “audit” myself and evaluate each of my actions throughout the entire situation.
I’ve looked back and don’t think I’m in the wrong for anything I’ve done. The only explanation I can think of is that Tom has been so deep in all of Kath’s mental health stuff 24/7 that he’s just not thinking clearly about this situation.

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yung hnd ganun kabigat sana kasi i momove lng namin sya sa tabi ng CR pag gagamitin at yung pede i konek lng sa gripo. 3 pips lng kaming gagamit and budget is around 13k.
thank you.