Freelancing can be an incredibly rewarding career path, offering flexibility, independence, and the opportunity to work on a variety of projects. However, to succeed as a freelancer, you need the right tools to manage your business efficiently. Whether you are a seasoned freelancer or just starting out, having a well-stocked toolkit is essential. In this blog post, we will explore some must-have tools that every freelancer should consider incorporating into their workflow. At the forefront of our list is Feedcoyote, a comprehensive tool designed to streamline and enhance your freelancing experience.

1. Feedcoyote: The Ultimate Freelancing Companion

Feedcoyote is a powerful platform tailored specifically for freelancers. It offers a range of features that help you manage your projects, clients, and finances seamlessly. Here’s why Feedcoyote should be your go-to tool:
Sign-Up on Feedcoyote - https://feedcoyote.com/

Project Management

Feedcoyote allows you to keep track of all your projects in one place. You can create project timelines, set milestones, and track progress effortlessly. The intuitive interface makes it easy to manage multiple projects simultaneously without feeling overwhelmed.

Client Communication

Effective communication is key to freelancing success. Feedcoyote provides a centralized hub for all your client interactions. You can send messages, share files, and receive feedback directly through the platform, ensuring that nothing gets lost in the shuffle.

Invoicing and Payments

One of the most challenging aspects of freelancing is managing invoices and payments. Feedcoyote simplifies this process by allowing you to create and send professional invoices, track payment statuses, and even set up automated reminders for overdue payments. This feature helps you maintain a steady cash flow and reduces the time spent on administrative tasks.

Time Tracking

Accurate time tracking is crucial for billing clients and managing your workload. Feedcoyote includes a built-in time tracking tool that lets you log hours spent on each project. This data can be easily integrated into your invoices, ensuring transparency and accuracy.

Financial Insights

Feedcoyote provides insightful financial reports that help you understand your earnings, expenses, and overall financial health. This information is invaluable for budgeting, tax preparation, and long-term planning.

2. Trello: Visual Project Management

Trello is a popular project management tool that uses a card-based system to help you organize tasks and projects visually. Each project can be broken down into boards, lists, and cards, making it easy to see what needs to be done and when. Trello’s flexibility and user-friendly interface make it a favorite among freelancers for managing both personal and professional tasks.

3. Slack: Communication and Collaboration

For freelancers working with remote teams or multiple clients, Slack is an essential communication tool. It allows you to create channels for different projects, teams, or topics, making it easy to keep conversations organized. Slack also integrates with many other tools, such as Google Drive, Trello, and Feedcoyote, streamlining your workflow.

4. Grammarly: Writing Assistant

Good communication is crucial for freelancers, whether you’re drafting emails, creating content, or writing reports. Grammarly is an AI-powered writing assistant that helps you improve your writing by checking for grammar, punctuation, and style errors. It also offers suggestions for clarity and conciseness, ensuring that your writing is polished and professional.

5. Canva: Design Made Easy

As a freelancer, you often need to create visually appealing content, whether it’s for social media, presentations, or marketing materials. Canva is a versatile design tool that allows you to create stunning graphics with ease. It offers a wide range of templates, images, and fonts, making it accessible even if you have no prior design experience.

6. Toggl: Simple Time Tracking

Toggl is a straightforward time tracking tool that helps you monitor how much time you spend on different tasks. It’s perfect for freelancers who need to track billable hours or simply want to understand how they’re spending their time. Toggl’s reports provide valuable insights that can help you optimize your productivity.

7. Zoom: Virtual Meetings

Virtual meetings have become a staple of modern freelancing. Zoom is a reliable video conferencing tool that allows you to host meetings, webinars, and virtual events with ease. Its features include screen sharing, recording, and breakout rooms, making it ideal for client consultations and team collaborations.

8. Google Workspace: Productivity Suite

Google Workspace (formerly G Suite) includes a suite of productivity tools such as Gmail, Google Drive, Google Docs, Sheets, and Slides. These tools are essential for document creation, storage, and collaboration. The seamless integration between these apps enhances your ability to work efficiently and share information with clients and collaborators.

9. LastPass: Password Management

As a freelancer, you likely use numerous online tools and services, each requiring a secure password. LastPass is a password manager that stores and encrypts your passwords, allowing you to access them easily and securely. This tool helps you maintain strong, unique passwords for all your accounts, reducing the risk of security breaches.

10. Wave: Free Accounting Software

Keeping your finances in order is crucial for freelancing success. Wave offers free accounting software that helps you manage your income, expenses, and invoices. It also provides features for bank reconciliation, receipt scanning, and financial reporting. Wave’s user-friendly interface makes it accessible even if you have limited accounting experience.

Conclusion

Equipping yourself with the right tools can make a significant difference in your freelancing journey. Feedcoyote stands out as a comprehensive solution that addresses many of the challenges freelancers face, from project management to invoicing. Alongside other essential tools like Trello, Slack, and Grammarly, Feedcoyote can help you streamline your workflow, improve communication, and enhance your overall productivity. By investing in these tools, you can focus more on what you do best and less on administrative tasks, paving the way for a successful freelancing career.

I (f29) have been with my partner (32m) for 10 years now. We are not married, but he did give me a ring over 2 years ago when we found out I was pregnant. He didn’t exactly ask the question in the moment, and we have never honestly discussed actually getting married. And at this point I feel this terrible fear about the idea of it now, because I’m so unsure of whether or not to continue our relationship. There have been a number of things I have told him I need from him in our relationship over the years, and they are always the same things. I don’t feel like he’s affectionate towards me, like we have cuddled in bed or on the couch maybe 3 times in the last year or so at least.That carries over to our sex life, which is often initiated by me, and only happens a couple times a month tops. He doesn’t really like to go out and do things (dinner,movies, etc). He rarely attends my family’s get togethers (even though I take our daughter to his family’s parties even if he’s not going, which he doesn’t 90% of the time) I work part time weird hours and he works full time so we don’t have to pay for day care. When I’m not at work, I’m on duty with our child and handle paying bills (with both our money), doctor visits, grocery shopping, socializing our child, doing all laundry, dishes and cooking. He works long hours and hasn’t tried to get a different job like I suggested because he says he often complains of being gone too much. (Please keep in mind, our monthly bills TOTAL are less than $1.2k. Mortgage,water,electric,no car payments. It’s not like we are in desperate need of money) I’ve also expressed to him that when he is home, I wish he’d be more present. He spends a lot of time on his phone texting his buddies, scrolling and sports gambling. And I get wanting to wind down after work, it just feels like he’s missing things because he literally is sometimes. Now I’ve communicated all of this to him. Multiple times, for each thing I’ve listed. Usually things improve for a week or maybe a couple weeks. Then slowly but surely, it’s the same and I feel the same as I have many times before. I guess I’m hoping maybe there’s someone out there who will read this and find similarities. And maybe they have some advice for me. How do you know when to stop? If it wasn’t for our child, I feel like I might already have been gone. I’m tired of feeling like I’m never a priority when I have put him and his mental health above mine. And now with a child I feel even smaller. He is truly a good dad, and I know he loves me, but sometimes I wonder if it’s enough. I don’t want to bash him like I am perfect because I’m not, but I just need to know if my feelings are valid. Thank you to anyone who takes a second to read this or comment, I don’t have anyone to talk about this with, but even just writing it out feels kind of therapeutic.

I’m not going to go into my back story because I don’t believe it needs to be told. I cannot find any recent or specific answers to these questions:

1. on the OW website it shows two tables: one for shelter and one for basic needs and both show different amounts. For my shelter situation it would entitle me to $642, and basic needs says $360. If you add those numbers up it’s equal to $1,002 and I’ve seen others say they get $1000 from OW - but I got my first payment and it’s only $711. Is there no basic needs allowance anymore, or is that paid separate?
2. For any OW recipients living in RGI housing, did your rent decrease to reflect 30% of your OW payment or did OW give you enough to cover it as it was? Currently I pay $756 for my rent wondering if it will decrease when I tell them I am now in receipt of OW for now.
3. Is it normal to have received a payment before having the phone meeting with my case worker? The meeting is for Friday but I received a payment yesterday after getting a call in the morning saying my “file was granted”
4. I received my final payment from EI this month that covers the last week of April to the first week of May. Will this impact the payment they deposited into my bank?

I (23F) have always had problems with my mom (56f). As of thanksgiving day she kicked me out after a bad argument due to me wanting to visit my work friends and bring them something to say how thankful I am, I just didn’t have my money handed to me by my dad (finances are handle between me and my dad for car payment reasons) my mom immediately got mad and started saying I was wasting my gas and being stupid driving across town to see my boyfriend (24m).
My mom isn’t particularly fond of my boyfriend considering him and I have gone through things but we are working through them. I stated that I wasn’t just seeing him I also attend college on that side of town, she took this more into play and we continued to argue which led to her bringing up past let downs from me as well as all mistakes I’ve ever made, fast forward about 30 minutes she decided to kick me out forcing me to make a big move and move in with my boyfriend ( we just started talking about this, and weren’t ready yet)
2 days later she tried to reach out to me to see if we can spend my birthday together I told her no, this caused more of a rift in the relationship between me and her. The fights continued past Christmas. The week of New Year’s Eve she asked to me to meet with her and my dad to speak about the issues we had. I went and met them at restaurant to see if we could talk it out, instead of talking and fixing things we argued more about how I made her insecure of being a mom and how she isn’t sure if she should say she has 2 kids and that lately she has been saying she only has 1 kid (my 28m brother) and how I always seem to disappoint her. She said she wanted to fix things and that once they were I was to immediately move back in to their home, I stated I was happy to fix things but I did not intend to move back to her home, she got more upset at this and decided right then and there that I was disowned, she had said I could call her by her name from now on and that she is no longer my mother and I’m not her daughter, she then threw in my face how I’m adopted into the family.
Everyone in the family is saying how it was wrong with how she reacted and how I should forgive her and let her still be a big part of my life, despite my whole family being there to witness the argument as well as my dad witnessing me being adopted being thrown at my face.
(I did apologize for what I said and owning my mistakes of the argument, and I am trying to move on but they say I’m the AH for not forgiving her)

Tesla says it’ll be applied during delivery, but I’m assuming the financing and loan will be complete before delivery. Is it applied to the loan after the loan has been generated and car delivered? If so, how does that change monthly payment, if at all? OR, is it deducted from the vehicle price during the loan process? AND, is the sales tax based on the vehicle price with or without this credit?
I’m on the fence and cannot find an answer to this.

I went in today not intending to get a car, just wanted a quote, but after a lot of pressure sales and negotiating, I ended up putting down a deposit. I'm going back tomorrow to finish the paperwork.
I think I got a good deal, but most stories that start like this don't end well, so I want to double-check with you folks to make sure.
Here's the situation:

• Traded in my old lease, a '21 HR-V. I could have bought it out at $17k, and either kept it or done minor repairs to sell it for a ~$3k profit thanks to Covid prices.
• Leased a '24 Accord EX, paying $2000 down and $250/month, which averages to $305/month.

These are the numbers from their sheet. I tried to calculate what all was what and how much was being financed, but I don't really understand how the numbers fit together. Here are the details:

• MSRP: $31k
• Discount: $2350
• Selling price: $28650
• Residual value: $18900
• Down payment: $5950 (breakdown: $2700 trade-in + $1250 rebate + $2000 down payment)

I'm not sure what I'm paying as interest. I think it's calculated as follows:

• $18900 residual + $5950 down + $250 * 36 months = $9000 lease payments
• Total: $33850
• Selling price: $28650
• Difference: $5200 (interest over the 3 years)

Is that the right way to calculate it? Was this a fair deal? Any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated!

Backstory, my older sister 29 was married to the most AMAZING man, let call him Chase. At the end of 2022 start of 2023 Chase raised speculation that my sister was sleeping or seeing someone at the state prison she worked at. My sister, let’s call her Sarah, denied this. Chase and Sarah went through a rough time, but it seemed to get better, they ended up becoming pregnant with their second child due later in 2023, but ended up separating before child was born. Chase tried everything in his power to make it work, but my sister just didn’t love him anymore and never even showed my sadness over this separation. Chase has been an Outstanding dad to their 2 kids, and they are great at con parenting. He is always a part of the family as the father of my sisters children.
My sister has been talking about quitting her job, at the prison. Everyone was happy to hear this, as we felt that job just changed her and the hours were ridiculous, and on Sunday she said she probably wasn’t going back to work and wasn’t going to show up Monday. Well today, (Tuesday). She sends me a message and said this is my new boyfriend. I immediately asked for details and she said she would call me and send me a few pictures, great, I’ll support it. Then she tells me that she met him though work, they worked together but he just never got to go home. I started calling, she finally answered and confirmed that she was dating an inmate. Then said he was released on Monday. (No wonder she quit her job). I was a little in shock, but she said he served his 10 year sentence for aggravated home and theft robbery, I also found out he has multiple warrants out, and she told me he used to be a gang member.
My concern is for her two kids one under 6 and one under 1. Maybe this man is changed, but I don’t think 1 day out of prison can show that. Apparently this has been going on for for a while considering he “paid” for her maternity leave, her ex husband chase noticed she was getting thousands sent to her on cashapp, and she put this large down payment on a car, my dad did the financing and was really curious to where that came from, because she always talks about not having money and has my mother paying for things.
She proceeds to tell me how great his family his, that they are super big Christians, and he is a new man, etc. obviously he was affiliated with something if he could send thousands of dollars while in prison. I told her that I hope she waits before he is around the kids, but I have a feeling she will not. And I didn’t think it was smart to date someone who has not been a part of the real world in 10 years. He is going to face his own obstacles and temptation of going back to a lifestyle he was once in. I told her I didn’t want to meet him, and I may reconsider after I have more information on how he is living a better life. But I just don’t support this choice. She seemed upset, asked me not to tell our dad. I immediately called my dad to tell him. ONLY because he needs some time to process this, or he will loose his shit on her. So I know she will be mad when she finds out. I think she likes the money and “attention” she is getting from this man, and is ignorant to what danger she is potentially putting her kids in if he is still affiliated with any gangs. The only things she could say to back how he changed was about how great his family is, to which I told her that his family can be great, but he is only responsible for his actions and his own reputation, and I do not have to trust him or be around him. My parents are divorced, so when I called my mom who knew, she fears that if she doesn’t try to support this then my Sarah will not allow her to see he me grandchildren, and will not keep her in the loop. I told my mom that I will not be around this, as I do not think she is thinking of the children or has put much logical thought into any of it. She is VERY easily influenced, and I fear what she will get involved in. If she wants to keep the kids from me, I will see them through their father Chase.
My sister texted me and asked not to judge him for his past. To which I replied that I am not judging him for his 1 day of freedom either. I said something to her about the money, and asked is she put into any thought on how this could reflect in a custody battle considering he was sending her money at the prison she worked for, while an employee for the state prison, and her ex has proof. Told her that I love her, but I don’t think this was smart to jump into and I will not support it. AITA? Or any advice to be given here?

Why Travel and Tourism Industry Business Need to Have Travel Mobile App?

Travelopro is a leading Travel Portal Development Company globally & travel technology company having clients across the world. We integrate Amadeus GDS, Sabre GDS, Galileo GDS, and many more.

We specialize in portal design, development, and integration of various GDS's XML, API's, testing & deployment to client host after which we also maintain the product for 24/7 technical and customer support services.

We provide complete travel solution for travel agents, tour & travel companies tourism management companies, car rental agencies, hotels.

Give your customers excellent travel experience with our highly advanced and multi-purpose travel app development services.

We offer highly customized B2C and B2B travel website application development, XML API integration and GDS integration solution travel and tourism companies. We are helping to who is looking for online travel portal development services and B2B2C online travel portal startup companies.

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With Travelopro you can launch your own travel portal, with the custom look and feel you want; i.e. launch your own travel brand instantly. Apart from the regular feature like real-time Flight, Hotel, Holidays & Bookings, Cancellations.

If you are looking for travel website, you are at right place. We are a unified travel website development and online travel business solution provider company, delivering scalable B2C & B2B solutions to global travel operators & companies.




How Travel App Development is Influencing the Travel and Tourism Business!

Travelopro is a reputed Travel Portal Development Company globally, our travel portal is an online booking engine with flights, hotels, transfers, sightseeing and packages modules for travel agencies / agents.

It's also known as IBE, which aggregates and distributes information of flights, hotels, cars, packages to global B2B clients to enable them search and book online.

Our B2B travel portal software can be integrated with leading GDS systems like Amadeus, Travelport, Sabre and third-party APIs / XMLs and LCCs. We have a separate team of expert developers who are seasoned professional when it comes to API consumption and integration.

Why you should Choose Travelopro for Travel and Tourism App Development?

We are the travel technology providers, providing travel booking engines, white label solutions, web designs & development, travel mobile apps, XML/GDS Integrations and many more services.

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Give Real-Time Traveling Experience to Your Customers with Full-fledged Travel Mobile App Development Solutions

Travelopro can assist you in developing cutting-edge, feature-rich, robust, and scalable travel mobile apps with UI/UX design, essential third-party integrations, and advanced technical support to fulfil your consumers' expectations. You may use our comprehensive travel app development solutions whether you manage a small travel agency or an international leader in the tourism and hospitality industry.

Our unrivaled travel solutions meet all of the demands of travel agencies, tour operators, and DMC companies, allowing them to manage their travel operations at their fingertips. Our app development company works with companies and startups from the ground up. With our travel mobile app development services, we can effectively aid everyone who desires to digitize and expand their business.

We provide highly functional and user-friendly travel mobile app design and development services tailored to specific business models. The travel mobile apps will assist your consumers with varied activities, resulting in repeat visits.

Contact our team to have functionally robust, user-friendly travel mobile apps for Android and iOS built based on your demands. Travel and tourism app development solutions might help you transform your company. We specialize in developing high-quality mobility solutions for travel booking app development. Our skilled travel app developers stay up to date on industry developments to guarantee that our customers receive the best solutions available.

We have a team of experts who can assist you in developing mobile apps that will represent your business online and boost its market value. Our custom-built travel mobile apps protect your budget while also allowing you to improve your revenue.

We offer a complete business solution for your travel agency with a dedicated travel mobile app. The app we create gives a rich experience for your travel agency's consumers. It helps your company maintain existing customers while also attracting a new specialized audience searching for an excellent travel service to make their vacation planning and execution pleasant.



Travel Mobile Apps Features

· Trip planning

· Travel Map

· Travel Tracking

· Travel Checklist

· Tourist Guide

· Tour Booking

· Vehicle Booking

· Travel Destinations

· Hotel Booking

· Travel Agent Features

· Trip Organizer

· Places to Visit

· Travel News



· Travel Diary


Our Mobile Solutions for Travel Businesses

Travel Planning App Development

We can give you a full-fledged travel management system that allows you to effortlessly manage travel itineraries, booking, and reporting and provide your clients with an easy-to-use travel app interface to book their trips through your app.

Ticket Booking App Development

Our travel mobile apps development team creates a cloud-based, robust, and super-smooth online and mobile travel ticket and hotel booking solution. Customers may use this to book flights, trains, and buses and make hotel reservations.

Navigation and GPS Integration

Provide navigation options that help tourists navigate unfamiliar areas. Incorporate GPS technology, interactive maps, turn-by-turn directions, and location-based recommendations to enhance the journey experience.

Booking and Reservation Systems

Create apps that help consumers book flights, hotels, rental cars, and other travel-related services. The integration of secure payment methods and the provision of real-time availability information are critical components of this service.



Flight Booking App

We provide flight booking applications that are user-friendly, feature-rich, and offer a variety of functions to make the booking process as easy as possible. Our flight booking software provides consumers with all the information they need in one place, from searching for flights and comparing costs to making bookings and organizing itineraries.

Why does your travel business need a mobile app?

There are several reasons for the travel sector to have a mobile app, including rapid booking, 24x7 availability, more customers, better and loyal customers, higher sales, effective staff management with automated procedures, easier data maintenance, and branding to attract more consumers.

Mobile Apps for Travel and tourism are essential for every travel business since they allow you to reach clients anywhere in the globe, sell the services you offer, and work as an effective medium for developing trust between the business and the tourist. A travel mobile app must be developed with the most cutting-edge features and the latest technology in app development to meet the needs of today's travelers. It gives users a real-time app usage experience.

Using an advanced travel app, we provide consumers with best-in-class experiences at their fingertips to enhance and personalize their travels. Mobile Apps are increasingly a vital component in the travel industry, particularly for marketing. The significance of travel mobile apps is subsequently on the rise. A Travel mobile app should have functions such as geo-location tracking, itinerary generator, weather forecasts, booking services, social media sharing, reviews, ratings, reports and analytics, and so on.

If you want to expand your travel business and reach a larger audience, you should develop a travel mobile app. Aside from that, you'll need an app to automate your travel business and provide customers with an exceptional trip-booking experience. We can help you grow your business by developing easy-to-use travel mobile apps that improve the client experience.

Benefits of Travel Mobile App Development Services

Enhanced User Experience

Travel mobile apps development companies focus on providing user-centric interfaces that simplify the travel process. These applications are designed to deliver smooth and pleasurable experiences for travelers, from straightforward navigation to personalized suggestions.

Comprehensive Travel Solutions

These companies provide a variety of capabilities in their travel apps, including flight and hotel reservations, itinerary planning, real-time navigation, travel guides, currency converters, and more. It provides customers with everything they need to travel in luxury.

Real-time Information

In travel mobile apps, real-time data streams are utilized to give users up-to-date information on flight statuses, weather conditions, local events, and other topics. This real-time information enables the user to make better-informed decisions.

Location-based Services

Travel applications that use GPS technology provide location-based services such as navigation, nearby attraction suggestions, and local food alternatives. These features improve the traveler's experience by making it simple to find and explore new destinations.

Operational Efficiency

Task automation through Al-powered apps to boost the productivity of your travel and tourism company.


Streamlining Booking Process

Easy online reservations and payment processes make the journey of travelers worry-free. It can help to increase bookings and revenue by making it easier for potential customers to find and book services.

How Travel Mobile Apps Are Changing the Tourism Industry?

Travel Mobile Apps help to bridge the communication gap, make bookings more accessible, and allow travel to places independently. These travel apps are jam-packed with features that may help users travel better and more effectively, from purchasing flights, rail, and bus tickets to renting cars and hotels.

A revolution in mobile technology has resulted from the development of high-tech mobile applications. The tourism sector will particularly benefit from this growth. Mobile devices make internet connectivity and online service booking possible by eliminating administrative positions and concentrating on marketing.

With years of expertise in creating user-friendly solutions, we have gained an enormous reputation and recognition for our services. You can look at our profitable and feature-rich services developed for the travel sector. Travel mobile apps have become an essential part of the industry, impacting the booking and planning processes.

Why Choose Travelopro?

Partner with us to develop a feature-rich travel mobile app for your business. We help travel companies reach the full potential of modern technology and provide more individualized service to customers via travel software, web, or mobile applications.

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Our travel app development company strives for perfection. We provide our clients with the best travel mobile apps that are sturdy and functional. Our travel and tourism application developers have years of expertise in the sector. We understand your company's demands and provide products that help it develop immensely. We leverage cutting-edge technology to create customer-focused, high-quality travel mobile apps.

We, at Travelopro, try to empower your business by boosting customers' engagement, increasing loyalty, and skyrocketing sales.

· On-Time Delivery

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For more details, Pls visit our Website:
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Several weeks ago, I ordered a controller for my sister’s gift from Dareu, and the item ended up stolen. I contacted the seller, and they gave me the local carrier that delivered my item. So, I check in with them and told them the situation.
After that, they followed up with an email after investigating my case. Here it is:
Dear [Recipient],

Thank you for contacting the United States Postal Service. Your concerns have been brought to the attention of our Consumer Affairs office. We are in receipt of your complaint regarding your missing Item [Item #] After a thorough investigation, the station has verified that the carrier scanned and delivered the package on 4/30/2024. We apologize for the non-receipt of your package, possible theft.
For the resolution, we recommend you contact the sender of your item immediately. You can supply them with a copy of this letter as proof that you filed an inquiry of non-receipt to the USPS. The sender can use this letter as supporting documentation to file a claim at www.usps.com/help/claims.htm. As a matter of courtesy, this letter is being provided to the customer to use should they experience a problem with a mailecreditor. Past experiences have shown that many providers will reimburse, or penalties are waived

Please accept our sincerest apology for any trouble this may have caused you. We appreciate your business and look forward to serving you again in the future.

Sincerely,
[Sender]
Complaints & Inquiry.
From this point I message the seller and the following happens:
So it would seem that my package was stolen. I have this message direct from the USPS, and would like to receive a refund for this order. I apologize if this has caused inconveniences. Hope to hear from you soon.
Best, [Me]
[Seller]
Hello, thank you for your reply, sorry to hear this, it is news we did not want to receive, but the logistics company admitted their mistake anyway. The logistics provider can compensate. We are now submitting evidence to require the logistics provider to compensate, but please cooperate with us in canceling the PayPal dispute. Once you cancel, we will immediately issue a full refund according to your original payment method, and then you can place an order again. Buy. Otherwise we will have to submit evidence for explanation, please understand.
[Me]
Hello again,
Thank you for your prompt response and willingness to issue a full refund for the stolen package. Given the circumstances and the guidance from USPS, I am eager to resolve this matter as quickly as possible.
However, I am concerned about closing the PayPal dispute before receiving the refund, as it is a safeguard to ensure that the transaction is resolved fairly. I propose the following:

1. Issue the Refund Through PayPal: You can process the refund directly through PayPal. Once I receive confirmation of the refund, I will immediately close the dispute.
2. Mutual Resolution: By handling the refund through PayPal, we can ensure that both parties are protected, and the resolution is documented appropriately.

Please let me know if this solution works for you. I appreciate your understanding and cooperation in resolving this matter.
Best regards, [Me]
[Seller] Hello, that's not the case, because you have already initiated a dispute. If I refund directly, it will be a loss of the dispute, so our account will be banned, so you need to cancel the dispute first, and then we will refund, so that our account It won’t be banned! Because the problem is now with the logistics provider. Even if we submit evidence to each other in Paypal, the logistics provider will pay the compensation, but this requires us to spend time waiting, and the method I suggest you is beneficial to both of us. It’s more efficient, and if we don’t refund you after you cancel, you can still use our email records to report us, so don’t worry!
When you cancel the dispute, we will refund the money immediately. You can rest assured because we have email records. We are just reducing the dispute rate of our collection account. Once the disputes increase, the merchant will ban our collection account, so please you understand
[Me] Hello,
I wanted to let you know that I have escalated the issue to PayPal for resolution. I understand your concerns about the impact of disputes on your account, but I believe this is the best way to ensure a fair and secure resolution for both of us. By escalating the dispute, we can work with PayPal to resolve the matter efficiently and ensure that both parties are protected. I appreciate your understanding and cooperation.
Thank you, [Me]
[Seller] Then we can only submit evidence, and we need to wait until we submit relevant evidence before we can proceed with the next steps. If we win this dispute, you will need to file compensation with the logistics yourself.
//END
I myself am unsure of what to do right now. I want to let PayPal help me settle this dispute, as I have email evidence directly from the USPS in regard to my missing item. Yet, at the same time they're offering me a refund only if I take down the dispute which is risky. Any thoughts on what I should do y'all?

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/This_Musician7165 posting in TwoHotTakes
User account has since been deleted
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Medium
Original - 15th January 2024
Update in a comment - 16th January 2024
Final Update (Link no longer accessible)- 16th January 2024
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My Step Dad purposefully ruined my $900 prom dress by washing it! Is there anything I can do such as take legal?
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Edit: Sorry for some reason Reddit took my original post down. This is my first time using Reddit
’ve never posted on here, but I really need advice because I’m so distraught and have no clue what I should do I’m only 17 and don’t know if there’s any legal action I can take. So for a little background I live with my bio mom and her husband since my dad and mom separated and were never married. I originally lived with my dad since I was 2 he won custody during the custody battle. However he later lost custody of me after having a bad work accident that made him paralysed and he wouldn’t be able to take care of me but I still see him every weekend and the whole summer. I moved in with my mom and her husband and their two sons ,1 stepbrother and 1 half brother, when I was 10. And ever since then my stepdad basically directly and indirectly says that I’ve disrupted their lives by coming back into my mother’s life, because I’m an extra person they have to take care of.
I’ve been working since I was in 10th grade and saving up for my senior yeacollege since last year with the money from my job since my mom and her husband let me know that only my mom would only help me with the basics such as my graduation cap and gown, senior dues, and senior class photo. Anything else I would have to pay for myself such as prom.
I get paid about $400 every two weeks from my job which Ive been saving in full, and then making extra money doing nails about $100 a week plus tip which I use as my spending money. Since it’s my senior and last year of high school I’ve been wanting to go all out for prom so I set a $800 budget for my prom dress. My prom is in April and I wanted to get my prom dress early since most of the actual cute ones sell out quick. So I went prom dress shopping in December and found a beautiful dress that’s costed $890. It’s dark green with a long train with rhinestone imbedded into it with glitter in the dress.
When I first showed my mom and stepdad the dress they asked how much it was, which I told them the amount and my mom said that she wouldn’t be paying for a dress that expensive which I replied it’s okay because I have more than enough money saved up to buy it, and I’ll still have a lot of money left over (23k to be exact but only my mom knows that) mom said I could get the dress and that it was very pretty, however my stepdad said that it’s irresponsible and a waste of money and I should use it for better things like helping out the family and paying some of the bills. And get a dress cheaper that’s max $300. Mind you both his son’s own PS5 and multiple $200+ shoes.
Long story short my mom disagreed with him and I ended up getting the dress in the end and she even put $150 toward it.
However ever since then he constantly brings up that I help pay for things around the house since I have so much money to throw away but my mom always shuts it down saying that I work hard for my money to save it and I already help about with paying the Netflix, Amazon prime, and Hulu bills while my step brother (18) don’t pay anything.
Anyway last Saturday we got into a really big disagreement because my stepdad suggested I should help my step brother pay for his prom to which I responded with no. He later called me selfish and said that it’s not fair that I get an expensive outfit while he doesn’t. And I guess I said with in a snarky way I responded with that’s not my child or my problem. He later tried to complain to my mom and she said that I was right and that if anything he should pay for his own prom.
Well today when I woke up from a nap I noticed my prom dress was missing from my closet since it’s in the very front of my closet and looked around for it. I then asked my stepdad if he has seen it since my mother was at work. And he said he had, and in fact he was washing it, while giving me a condescending smile. I immediately ran downstairs and saw my dress being washed on the heavy duty cycle I immediately cancel it and it was ruined. Majority of my rhinestones came out and the glitter was washed out the whole dress had been mangled.
I took one look at it and then threw it a trash bag and left for my friends house with the dress. I texted my mom and sent her pictures but I’m currently at my friends house and laying on her bed. My friends parent hanged it outside to allow it to air dry so my stepdad can’t put the blame on them if the dried it in the dryer. What makes me know he did to spite me because he never washes clothes, cooks or anything since “he’s the man of the house so he shouldn’t have to”, so there was no viable reason he could have for washing it, even if it needed washing.
Is there anything I can do? I know neither of them can replace being they are tough financial situation? I’ll update you guys when mom gets home. So far my stepdad has called 2x but I haven’t answered him. And my mom’s at work and can’t receive calls.
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Comments
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Fancy_Association484
My heart hurts for you. Get him to admit it over text then file small claims court.

OOP: He’s not gonna admit I don’t think imma try to get audio but we also have cameras with audio imma try and use them when my mom gets off

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Rhodin265
I didn’t see this suggested, but since you’re paying for the streaming services, change your passwords and log out all devices. Giant toddlers don’t get their tanties rewarded with their stepkid’s Netflix.
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Fromashination
It would be a dastardly shame if Step Dad's favorite shoes were accidentally left on the porch in the snow all night.
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Update - 1 day later
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Edit 1:I don't know how to add updates so imma just add an edit but my mom and me just got off the phone and she's pissed and otw home. She's currently otw home so me and my friend and her dad are otw to my house and my mom said she was gonna call the cops as soon as she get off the phone so they may be there by the time I get there. We've taken pictures and the uncle (my mom brother) will be over there by 8 bc I contacted him while at work. I've listened to all your suggestions about withdrawing my money out of my account so I thinking and I talked to my dad about that as well and told me I can stay with him
Edit/Update 2:When I got home my friend stayed in the car while her dad walked me in, and my step dad was already gone. However police were at the house. As of now police said they can’t really arrest him because it’s not like he broke the law of stealing (I don’t know how to explain it basically this theft isn’t breaking the law bc he washed it and didn’t keep it) they suggested I can get a confession and get him to pay or take him to small claims court. Also the dress is non refundable if damaged so I can’t return it or anything. While explaining to my mom what happened I kinda fumbled my words and started crying and she hugged me as I cried. And she said that he’s gonna pay for this, this financial issue has actually been a on going disagreement and I think he just pulled the last straw bc she is PISSED. Also I talked to my uncle and he’s actually off work and over his way over here.
Him and my stepdad apparently have a rough history since my dad has had a smart mouth towards him in the past. While explaining to my uncle what happened he said that it would be alright and if anything he’ll buy back the dress before it sells out, so I’ll have my dress by prom but he does expect my step dad to pay me back one way or another so I’m basically probably gonna get my dress for free. Maybe that’s a little win. I’ll update more probably later tonight. But things seem to be good.
Edit: Also to clear up some confusion I pay the streaming service bills bc I really want to watch the shows on those services and my mom works hard but doesn’t make enough to have those services on top so I’ve offer to pay them so we could have them. She not a horrible “I’ll pick my husband over you” mother and she always defend me and he’s never pulled a stunt like this just tries to convince her to control my money and savings. And she’s never spent my saving either. I feel like thats why they always clash because he has a mindset of we have all these financial troubles and your daughter could solve them with her savings and you have access to them.
Edit/Update 4: Okay so my uncle came over and he and my mom had a little argument bc he blamed her for enabling my stepdads behaviour by not leaving him and thats why he felt comfortable to do what he did. And she argued back saying she always defended me against him and has never taken any of my money (which is true). We all talked about it a bit and she revealed that last night they had actually had a argument about paying off a car payment because she made a comment about how all these bills are taking a toll on her, and he made a comment about how it wouldn’t be that much of a toll if she used my savings and didn’t allow me to spend it on foolishness and she got mad and defensive bc he keeps bringing it up.
He also said that the $900 I spent could’ve payed off that car payment for the next 2 months. Btw he only know about my savings because he know how’s much I get paid and that I’ve been saving all of it. So we think that’s what triggered him to throw my dress in the washer.
My mom and stepdad has also been texting back and fourth and he admitted that he washed it to teach me a lesson that I shouldn’t spend that much money on a dress that can be destroyed that easily but he put the setting on heavy duty so he obviously intended to destroy it. My uncle has also offered to replace the dress so I don’t need to worry about not getting to wear my special dress. We called the boutique and explained it to them and they say they can order another dress although it won’t be there until Feb 23 which fine tbh.
My mother sent my step dad a long threatening message basically calling him out shes kinda heated rn so imma try and ask for a screenshot later. Her and my father also spoke and decided that it’d be best that I get my own bank account so that my step dad can’t use the excuse that she has access to my account so that’s also great. My mom and I had a talk about what gonna happen after this and she said shes not sure as of just yet bc it’s all a little too much for her bc she seriously contemplating leaving him, but i guess she don’t wanna actively discuss that right now. Also my stepdad is currently at a friends house. I’ll continue to update possibly may get one tomorrow. My friends parent are gonna keep the dress over their house and imma pick it up tomorrow to have as proof.
Edit:I apologise for not being to update since Reddit took down my post because of a “no walls text rule” that I was unaware of but it’s all good now
Edit/Update 5: My uncle has transferred me $1000 for my prom dress and I’m actually planning on using the money for replace the dress and buy new shoes. He’s very well off, which was one reason I contacted him in the first place.
So I plan on just calling the boutique and seeing if they can reorder it and I’ll just pick it up from there sometime in February. However my step-dad still must pay in some form, or at least we are trying to get him to. My uncle has called my other uncles and aunts (with my permission) to basically vent about the situation.
So majority of my mom side who all live in GA knows about what happened. I woke up to a lot of text about the situation given sympathy, as well as money to have for prom which have totalled to about $300. So this is great. My mom has also contacted my step-in-laws who then spread the news with pictures and I guess most of them are shocked as well other than his mother his is buying his claim that it’s just a dress and it was a accident despite evidence. I got a call from my step-dad sister sympathising for me.
And through conversations with I learned that my step-dad has also been asking a lot of his family to help him with his finances. Because for some reason the dude has bought so many things to pay off he can’t keep up with them.
My mom called my step-dad for answers which we recorded. And he’s basically trying to blame her bc if she didn’t piss him off last night then he wouldn’t have done it. And that he was trying to show me why I shouldn’t be irresponsible with money bc I guess he planned to lecture afterwards.
Also my mom has broken up with him bc he blamed her for caring more about me than him, which is weird. Which ensured in a argument with her saying “you think i care about her more than you, your gonna see just how much I do”
Also they’ve been on a rocky relationship since he can’t manage money and this was her breaking point.
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Comments
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TaffyAppl
Just saw this update!! Now that you have the text, please show the police as confession as destruction of property and/or take him to court to pay for it. It’s not fair to your uncle. Once you get your step dad to pay up, you can pay your uncle back. Girl Good luck!
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sherbear97124
What your step-dad did is called malicious mischief and is a crime. With the confessions and proof, there probably is a case. Just know that because of the monetary value, it's most likely just a misdemeanor charge. Regardless, you definitely have a small claims case against him. Sadly, by the sounds of his financial affairs, you'll be lucky if he ever pays, but it's still worth pursuing. Good luck!
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Update - same day later
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Edit/Update 6: Sorry to post on here Reddit keep telling me to try again later so sorry again
Okay so a lot of bs has transpired. Firstly we’ve place an order for my dress, and they are shipping it now and it should be at the boutique by Feb 23 so all that is taken care of. My SD and mom are officially broken up and my mom said she doesn’t now if she’ll move on with divorce proceedings yet bc everything is still fresh and lawyer are expensive and she can’t afford it rn.
Also they have a prenup so they don’t share assent and the house is my mother dad house she inherited (she had a different dad than all her siblings and all her siblings share a dad).
So my step father showed back up with his brother after a while and my step father decided to do and buy me a new dress from Macy that looks similar to dress in color and length but it’s very tacky and ugly. And look nothing like the original.
He then tried to apologise and said it wasn’t his intention to ruin the dress. he said that he was simply gonna wash it and say “see this is why you don’t buy things like this” and then he would’ve bought me another dress…. But that’s make absolutely no sense.
Also my uncle came back to my house after I texted him my step dad came back (he was at the store) and they got into a big argument where basically my uncle demanded to know why he destroyed the dress
And my step dad said he not gonna walk up in his house demanding shit, and my uncle called him a bitch. And then my SD said to call him a bitch again which he did and they ended up fighting. (My SD lost) he threatened to call the cops but we reminded him that he swung first
After that my step dad went on a tirade and cussed us out and left and took the dress with him.
We are actually planning on taking y’all advice and taking him to small claims court given the evidence and the damage. And hopefully we win. Also my SD is staying at his parents house currently.
Lastly for all curious about my brothers they are 15 (half) and 18 (step) .The 15 was at his girlfriend house since Friday so he wasn’t home for any of the commotion but did reach out to me today, I love him so much. And the 18 year basically sided with his dad so that all there is to say.
Also those who suggested changing the streaming’s passwords I have change them. And me and my mom are gonna get me my own bank account later today. Thank you guys for all the support I’ll continue to update as thing come and our plans of action and the verdict and all
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Comments
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Hello everyone, I'll start off by saying I live in Canada. I am a 26M and I've recently started my own business about a year and a half ago selling collectibles and merchandise online. During my time I've sold quite abit of product and all was well until 2 months ago when I had a few large orders come through from various customers. Contacted the customers after they placed their order as usual and let them know shipping times, order totals, etc.
They recieved their orders and all was good until a month later, I got several chargebacks from all the customers who had placed these large orders. The total amounting to nearly 20k. Their banks have all came to the conclusion that the customer was in the right and I was in the wrong.
I've just recently put the 20k onto my 30k credit line but now I'm just looking at this amount and stumped that I'll have to pay such an insane amount that I haven't accrued and now I'm lost on all this product as well.
Its hard to try and fit all this within my budget as I have a child, a car payment, insurance and rent to pay. It's truly overwhelming.
If anyone has any tips or advise, that would be greatly appreciated.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/WholePomegranate5342
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My Parents Tried to Screw Over My Dying StepMother, Blew Up All Of Our Lives Instead
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, imminent death, terminal illness, financial exploitation, physical assault, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: February 13, 2024
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My (17F) stepmother "Jane" is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She and my father got married when I was 4, and she's been a rock in my life ever since. My mother was always my primary caregiver, but up until that point her relationship with my father was acrimonious and I basically never saw him. Jane was the reason they developed a stable co-parenting relationship, she encouraged everyone having a good relationship with each other and was always there to support me and my mom when things got rough.
Jane was always a really hard worker. When she met my dad, he was living out of a hotel and my mother was doing everything in her power to keep me away from him because she was petty and angry that their relationship didn't work out. Meanwhile Jane had a great job, a nice house, helped my dad get back on his feet, negotiated a visitation schedule with my mom (who hated her for a long time), and made sure my dad sent us money every week because neither one of them could afford an attorney to negotiate child support payments. Jane had no reason to do any of these things but as I got older she made it clear that she loved me as much as she loved my (half) brothers who were born a few years later. I even have my own room in her house because at the time we lived with my grandparents / various boyfriends of my mom and Jane felt that I needed a more stable environment than that. She's like the opposite of the evil stepmom.
When I was 15, Jane won a big lawsuit against an airline company and got awarded upwards of a million dollars. She used the money to build sizable trust funds for me and my brothers so that we would be taken care of later in life. Despite having a lot more money she still wanted to live a fairly modest life, so she paid off the house she has and has been living there ever since with my dad. Sure she bought a new car and they went on a few nice vacations but she didn't blow all her money on stupid things, which I respected.
About a year ago, things started getting really weird. Whenever I saw Jane she seemed to look sicker and sicker, but no one would tell me or my brothers why even though I know they knew. All we knew is that she was at the hospital a lot. Around the same time, my mom has been coming around my dad a lot more and acting really strange, basically like she was trying to romance him. Whenever Jane was in the hospital my mother would insist on spending the night at their house and playing mom to my brothers, which was so weird to me because she never liked them or Jane. She'd be the perfect little housewife and my mom is NOT like that at all. It was super fake.
Worst of all, my dad started falling for it. I'm not stupid - I'm pretty sure they were sleeping together. I tried to shield my brothers from it but they're not dumb either. I tried talking to my dad too but he insisted it wasn't like that.
Then a few weeks ago, my mom started talking about all the places she'd like to visit, how she wanted a new car and was looking to invest... which is weird because my mom has been a bartender her whole life and has lived paycheck to paycheck since before I was born. She was acting like she was about to get a lot of money, which started to make me really suspicious. Between Jane being sick and my mom acting all nouveau riche, I had a lot of questions.
Finally I decided to visit Jane in the hospital and ask her about my trust fund. I found out that if anything happened to her, that my dad would inherit all the money including full control of the trusts for me and my brothers. She asked me why I was so interested in the trust fund so I told her what's going on with my parents and how my mom has been acting with my dad. I didn't want to but after everything she did for me, she deserved the truth. It really hurt me to break her heart like that, especially once I found out that she was basically in hospice at this point because of irreversible kidney failure. She's only got a few more months. We both cried so much.
Then, two days ago everything came to a head. My mom stormed in furious and started arguing with my dad. Apparently Jane met with her lawyer and changed the trust so that my dad would get nothing and all of the trusts would be controlled by my step-aunt. She demanded to know how Jane found out about their relationship and I came out and told them that I told Jane everything. I told them that if they wanted to play stupid games they would win stupid prizes and that I wasn't going to let them screw Jane over after all the help she gave my family when she didn't have to.
My mom slapped me and my dad just looked so defeated. Then my mom told my dad that she didn't really love him, that she was just pretending to so he would marry her and she could get all of the money. The worst part about it is that my brothers witnessed the whole thing and now on top of their mom dying they have to deal with a cheating dad and his vindictive ex. Our whole family is in ruins and I feel like it's my fault even though I know it's not.
Yesterday I visited Jane again and told her about the fallout. She apologized and said that she had to dissolve my trust fund to make sure my mother didn't get a hold of the money, but that as "her oldest" I will inherit the house/property after she is gone and that's worth more than the other two trust funds combined. My father won't get anything because she's going to divorce him before she dies, and honestly I'm happy for her. She made me promise to take care of my brothers and told me that once I turn 18 this summer I can kick my dad out of the house if I want to. And I FULLY plan to do that btw.
I haven't talked to my dad since and I can't even look at my mom. I can't believe they would conspire to do this to Jane after all this time. Just proof that they deserve each other and I'm embarrassed that they're my parents. Once I turn 18 I'm going to cut my dad out as much as I can and cut my mom out completely. I hope she rots. Meanwhile I'm going to try and be at the hospital as much as I can until Jane passes away.
Anyways. I just needed to vent. I'm really messed up about the whole thing and I feel super betrayed, although I can't even begin to imagine how Jane feels. I'm gonna be so f-ed up when she dies. I can't even think about that right now. But at least she's not surrounded by people who just want to bring her down.
Thanks for reading.
Edit: Some people are asking a lot of the same stuff so I'll just clarify here --
My brothers - My plan is to use some of the estate money fight for guardianship for my twin brothers so that they can live in the house while I kick my dad out. If I can't get guardianship then I will have to let my dad stay in the house. However once I turn 18 I will technically be an adult so even if my dad leaves I'm still legally able to be responsible for them. The only thing I won't be able to do is stop him from taking them if he leaves. But they will be 18 in six years so even if they do have to leave they will always be able to come back whenever they want. In a perfect world my dad would just leave and let my brothers stay with me which I'm sure my bio-mom would be very supportive of because right now she hates all of us and I doubt that will change anytime soon.
The trust - from what I understand, my brothers will inherit 1/3 each of the estate and the remaining 1/3 will be used to keep the house running until they turn 18. After that it will be up to me if I want to keep the house or sell it. At that point my brothers will still have money left in the trust so they can branch out or do whatever they want, otherwise I will not sell the house and just pass it on to them or keep it and maintain it myself and they can just stay with me as long as they need to.
(Edit to the edit) So I just spoke to Jane and she told me that the reason she dissolved the trust is because originally it was going to be split 3x between us kids and my dad would inherit the house. She dissolved my 3rd and switched it over to make it to take care of the house maintenance, and instead put the house in my name so my dad wouldn't get it. Plus by doing that at least financially I would be getting a much bigger share (the house is worth about 1.5x the amount of my brothers trusts) I just wouldn't be able to do anything with it until my brothers are 18, which I'm totally cool with. Sorry if I don't have a better answer but I'm just trying to translate what she told me.
My parents - The big fight happened on Sunday and I haven't spoken to either of my parents since, I think they're both at my mom's place right now but that's fine with us because we're all still mad at them so they can stay gone for all we care. I know technically that's not legal to just leave us alone but I've been taking care of my brothers for over a year I can handle a few days while he gets his shit together. Screw both of them.
Hope that clears some stuff up.
TLDR; My bio parents tried to screw my terminally ill stepmother out of trust fund money, but she caught on and now no one on my side of the family gets anything.
Additional Information from OOP on her parents, stepmom’s health, trust funds

OOP: (Why isn't Jane on dialysis) - I don't remember the exact details but Jane has a genetic condition where she gets cysts on her kidney. She already had a transplant a few years ago but now she developed problems with her arteries or something in her legs so she doesn't qualify for dialysis. She could get another transplant but she doesn't want to because the last time was so traumatic (rejections, etc). So she decided to just let herself go onto maintenance medications to prolong her death until she gets her affairs in order. She has a few other health problems that make the typical treatments really dangerous and according to her she'd rather die surrounded by loved ones than on an operating table.
(Dissolving the trust fund) - Jane told me she didn't technically have to do it, but she didn't trust my bio parents not to do something shady and get a hold of the money before I turn 18. Even if my aunt controlled the fund my dad would still be able to collect if something happened to Jane before I turn 18. Her lawyer suggested it's better safe than sorry and I agreed that it was the best option. I'm not an expert tho I don't know the details.
(How my mom knew) - Like I said before I'm pretty sure Jane told my dad, who then told my mom and that's how the argument started. I can't think of any other way and I didn't really care enough to ask.
(Jane's thoughts on my mom) - she didn't know my mom was doing all of that. My mom has her own place and would only come over whenever Jane was in the hospital for a few days at a time. I've been living with my dad for a little over a year so he probably told Jane that my mom was there to spend time with me, if he told her at all. Besides she didn't "move in" until a few months ago, which I guess is when they started hatching their plan. Jane never outright banned my mom from visiting so there really wasn't anything she could do.
Hope that helps.
Edit for the last part: The remainder of the money belonging to the estate that hasn't been put into trusts for my brothers is going to be used to maintain the house (utilities, taxes, etc) until my brothers are 18 and then I can either choose to sell the house or keep it and maintain it myself if I'm able to. I plan to go to school in that time and get a better job with the goal of keeping the house, but if I can't then I have the option to sell it. Not that I will but that's how it was explained to me.

OOP on her stepmom and their relationship, provides thoughts on her bio mom

OOP: Honestly it's because she's more of a "real" mom than my actual mom.
My bio mom is kind of ambiguous about my existence but Jane was always extra involved, sending me to sports teams and paying for dance classes and just showing interest in my hobbies as I got older. Plus as the only girl I think we bonded on a level she can't with my brothers so she always made sure to let me know I was on equal terms with them. When I was younger we would watch movies and have girl time where it was just us 1:1 and those are some of my best memories with her.
Jane is also really mature and someone I wanna be like when I get older whereas it feels like my mom is a teenager in an adult's body. She was constantly picking fights with my dad about dumb things and Jane was always there to smooth things over and keep my best interest at heart over her own feelings. I know my mom made Jane's life really difficult for a long time but Jane never complained or said anything to me about it whereas my mom CONSTANTLY complained about Jane. As I got older I just always felt more at peace when I was around Jane than when I was around my mom.
If you want your step kids to love you just be there for them and treat them like your own. Ignore whatever drama you have with your husbands ex and just love your kids. Trust me if you really care about them they will know.

Relevant Comments
mattdvs1979: My only advice is make sure you work with a lawyer once she passes so you get your inheritance and your parents can’t try to intervene, and then you keep your promise to use that money for you and your brothers’ welfare.

OOP: Oh absolutely, Jane already gave me the lawyer's info and between him and my step-aunt I'm sure I will be able to do what I need to do for them. I don't even care about the money, most people don't have trust funds and turn out just fine. I'm actually more glad that she gave me the house because you can be damn sure it's going to be a safe space for my brothers whether I end up getting custody of them or not. My brothers are basically Jane's legacy so my goal is to give them the life and guidance that I got from her, and that they won't get because she'll be gone.

OOP on the relationship between her father and her stepmom before they got exposed

OOP: Honestly it hurts a lot because before Jane got sick they seemed to have the perfect relationship. Until my birthgiver (I like that) came in and fucked everything up with her toxic personality. Honestly in a perfect world my mom will end up broke and alone and in a shitty nursing home with bed sores. And when she calls me and begs me for a relationship (because she needs the attention) it'll feel so good to hang up on her over and over again.

OOP on Jane (stepmom)’s health and if Jane is mentally okay on the whole situation

OOP: I think so. Apparently it's a genetic disease so she always knew she was going to get sick she just didn't know when so mentally I think she was prepared for it. I just hope that she can find peace knowing the truth and knowing that I'll be there to make sure her sons don't grow up all fucked up.

OOP on her brothers getting therapy to deal with their mom/step-mom’s health and her imminent death

OOP: Yeah. I've already sat them down and talked to them about what's going on, they seem to understand but they're understandably really sad about the whole thing. I told them that when they go to school they should ask about a grief counselor and I'm trying to get their health insurance info from Jane so I can find them a therapist for kids. As much as all of this sucks I think it's brought the three of us a lot closer together.
Thanks a lot. I really love my brothers and I know it's my job to take care of them properly now that they won't have a mom around. Jane did so much to raise me and my brothers won't have the opportunity so it's only right that I help them.
Since finding all of this out my plan has always been to have my brothers live with me, I'm already in charge of taking care of them and the house for the most part the only thing my dad does is help pay the bills. Unfortunately I won't be able to kick my dad out as long as he's their legal guardian which is why I'm trying to find some other solution to that. But if/when that gets resolved he can live under a bridge for all I care.

 
Update: May 8, 2024 (3 months later)
Please check my profile for my previous post. :)
Hi guys it’s me again, a lot of you asked me for an update on my situation with Jane and my family so I’ve come back with a few things that have happened since I initially posted. I will try to organize this in a way that addresses the major points of last time.
Jane is still alive and doing surprisingly well considering the circumstances. She’s always been a fighter and although her disease has been progressing she’s keeping a positive attitude with everything that is going on. She says she’s grateful that she was able to see everyone’s true colors before she passed so she could go into the next life knowing the truth. We have become so unbelievably close in the past few months and it’s getting harder and harder to know that she’s getting close to the end. She doesn’t ever talk about it though and I know it’s because she doesn’t want to hurt me but we both know the situation so we’re just making the best of our time. I'm also not being completely transparent about all of the drama at home but tbh I don't think she needs to hear all of that.
We did end up having that surprise celebration of life that I planned, a lot more people showed up than I thought but they all got an airbnb near the hospital where Jane is and we were able to take her out and spend some time at the lake near the facility. It was super lowkey which I know Jane preferred and I was even able to get her old college friend to come after I found him on Linkedin lol. We had food and there was music and we played games and it was overall a really great time, except Jane started crying at the end but she promised me it was just because she was grateful.
My brothers are also doing okay, my aunt (Jane's sister) is currently paying for them to go to therapy and they've become a lot more open about talking about the situation. They just turned 13 but a lot of the time it feels like I'm talking to actual adults lol. They've become really independent lately (in a good way) and aside from me driving them places I don't really have to do much for them anymore. Their grades aren't super great but they're not failing and considering the circumstances it could be a lot worse. They still hang out with friends and I'm keeping an eye out for like depression symptoms and stuff.
The situation with my mom is as funny as it is embarrassing tbh. She spent a few weeks ignoring us and then she tried to crawl back into my life basically begging me to let her move in because her lease is about to expire and she has nowhere to go. That convo went about as well as you'd think and she ended up calling me an ungrateful b**** and that I couldn't just ignore her because she's my mom. I told her to get out of the house before I call the cops and to go back to my dad (who at that point was only coming home every few days to "check on us" and grab some clothes.)
After that she tried coming by a few times and when I wouldn't open the door she would lose her mind and start yelling through the neighborhood. After three instances of this I finally called the cops but because I'm 17 they told me there's a possibility that I would have to go home with her since technically I'm a minor and need to be with the custodial parent. I told them no way because I was the only one watching my brothers atm. That led to a whole thing where after a few hours my dad basically showed up and I was allowed to stay there because there was finally an adult present and I'd basically lived there for over a year.
After that the cops firmly told my mom that if she keeps showing up and causing drama (my neighbors confirmed that she'd been there a few times screaming) that they would arrest her for trespassing since technically it was Jane's house and not hers. She left and hasn't tried coming to the house anymore but for a while she would call me constantly telling me I owed her and all kinds of stuff. She's now blocked on everything and anything she needs to say to me gets filtered through my dad.
As for my dad... well, since he's basically required to be here for another 2 months until I turn 18 we've basically just avoided each other. It's not too bad though because I've been heavily relying on guilting him for everything to get my way. For example he was going to contest the divorce but I threatened to kick him out when I turn 18 if he does that so he just signed all the paperwork for a "quickie divorce" and is basically doing whatever Jane tells him to do. I don't openly disrespect him or anything (he's still my dad) but I've made it clear that I have no intentions on doing anything he says ever again and he doesn't fight me on it. Most of the time he's just in his room and sometimes he'll go back to my mom's but only for a day or two before they argue and she kicks him out again lol. I haven't decided whether or not I'll kick him out yet and we haven't talked about it either so I'm kind of playing it by ear.
As for me, I'm handling everything as good as I can. I found a new job where I make a little more money so I've been focusing on saving as much as I can and just being there for my brothers. Between working and school and visiting Jane I've been so busy I haven't really had time to really stop and think about everything, but I know it'll come. One of my friends has really stepped up and helped me manage everything and I'm super grateful to him for being there for me and my brothers so we'll see how that goes.
Anyways I wish I had something more exciting to share but that's what's happened since my last post :) Thanks again for all the support on my last post.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the possibility of her stepmom being poisoned from her parents to get Jane’s money

OOP: Hi there,
A few people have mentioned this and yes we are absolutely certain she is not being poisoned, it’s a genetic disease causing her kidney failure and we have known about it for a long time but she shielded us from the worst of it hence why her “sudden” decline in health was such a shock to us, we thought she had more time.
My brothers have also been screened for this disease and thankfully neither of them have it.
Edit to add: I’m turning 18 in a few weeks so I don’t need to get emancipated and my dad has already agreed that my brothers will stay in the house with me because they have nowhere else to go.

OOP on Jane making video clips for her brothers

OOP: Yes actually a few people suggested this on my last post and we have been doing this for a few weeks now. Jane has a little digital recorder that she’s been putting her thoughts down on and she’s also written a few letters to us for major milestones. My brothers do not know about this as we want to surprise them but that said they have been coming to the hospital more now that they’re in therapy and able to deal with it. I know they do not want to have any regrets even though it’s a difficult situation.

OOP on her father after being exposed and her bio mom trying to manipulate him

OOP: I do think he’s remorseful, he hasn’t said it but the way he’s acting is telling me that, he’s being really passive when normally he gets a little belligerent if he really feels like he didn’t do anything wrong. Also I know I have every reason to kick him out but he’s still my dad even tho what he did to Jane was terrible. He’s just kind of a weak minded person and my bio mom really manipulated the crap out of him and continues to manipulate him but I can tell he’s getting tired of her BS because he’s spending less time with her.
He didn’t know she was showing up at the house and when he found out he was super pissed at her, they’ve been fighting nonstop and I can tell he’s not as much under her spell anymore because he’s at home more but who knows.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

“ Your husband mirrors how you cherish yourself, what you already give to yourself.
It’s so important that you tell him how you want him to cherish yourself for you.
When you’re angry, what do you want him to understand ? what do you want him to do for you ?
What do you feel as you’re cherished by your husband ?
What do you feel like your joy and your gladness and your happiness ?
Your husband won’t know what helps you and what makes you happy more and what liberates you more while you don’t tell him your feelings honestly.
To understand you yourself is necessary for telling him your feelings.
You need to understand why you’re angry for telling him your feelings.
Have you built trust relationship to one another for telling him your feelings that you’ve written below on reddit, even it's a little comment for you ? "
I’m sharing my messages with you through reading this message below.
" I (F ●) am almost at my breaking point after my husband (M ●) walked in a room and asked "what have you been doing for the last 20 minutes” while I’ve been working my ass off. How do I convey the severity of my feelings? " from relationship_advice on reddit ( I don’t write the age for protecting your personal information. )
Me (●f) and my husband (●m)have been married for two years and just had our first child, who is 11 weeks old. With a newborn, there’s a LOT more work to be done around the house than before, and I’ve had a difficult recovery from birth. We've gotten into a routine at night where he feeds the baby her last bottle and puts her to bed, because he's at work all day and doesn't get to spend time with her.
Typically, while he does that, I start the dishes and clean up. Tonight, I decided to throw in a load of laundry, clean up our car, pick up the living room, and hand-scrub a piece of clothing that had formula spilled all over it rather than starting the dishes. I consciously made this decision because my husband actually knows how to do the dishes, as opposed to a lot of the miscellaneous things that need to be done around the house that he’s largely blind to.
Husband came out after spending about 15 minutes feeding the baby and asked me "what I had been doing for the past 20 minutes" once he saw the dishes hadn't been done. I flipped out, because I'm exhausted and burnt out. He insists he asked because he "was just curious" and doesn't understand why I'm so angry. Am I overreacting? To me, the question does not seem innocent and makes me feel like he doesn't appreciate everything that I do. It also makes me feel like I don’t have the space or “allowance” to relax if, god forbid, I needed a break, even though I WAS cleaning.
He has asked me this question many times before, to the point where l've started making mental lists of things I accomplish in case he asks. Also, I am not a stay at home mom, i have a high-intensity and demanding job and am returning from maternity leave in a few weeks.
I am almost at a breaking point. My husband used to treat me like a princess, especially when I was pregnant. Now, I feel like he has no appreciation for me or how hard this has been. How do I convey the severity of this without it seeming like I’m making a huge deal out of a little comment?
TLDR: my husband asked me “what I’ve been doing for the past 20 minutes” after I had been working my ass off and it’s almost got me to my breaking point.
『 Me (●f) and my husband (●m)have been married for two years and just had our first child, who is 11 weeks old. With a newborn, there’s a LOT more work to be done around the house than before, and I’ve had a difficult recovery from birth. We've gotten into a routine at night where he feeds the baby her last bottle and puts her to bed, because he's at work all day and doesn't get to spend time with her. 』
【My view】; I stay considerate of your feelings that you’ve had a difficult recovery from birth, I understand there’s a lot more work to be done the house than before. You’ve done your best for your child and him and you. You’ve gotten into a routine at night where he feeds the baby her last bottle and puts her to bed, what he helps you is good even it’s a little for you, although his help won’t be enough for you who have too much and reach your breaking point.
『 Typically, while he does that, I start the dishes and clean up. Tonight, I decided to throw in a load of laundry, clean up our car, pick up the living room, and hand-scrub a piece of clothing that had formula spilled all over it rather than starting the dishes. I consciously made this decision because my husband actually knows how to do the dishes, as opposed to a lot of the miscellaneous things that need to be done around the house that he’s largely blind to. 』
【My view】; It’s so important that you tell him what your mind is too busy focusing on that you throw in a load of laundry, clean up our car, pick up the living room, and hand-scrub a piece of clothing that had formula spilled all over it, because he won’t know what your mind is too busy focusing on that.
Did you tell him what you want him to do the dishes ?
Did you ask him for his help to do the dishes ?
He won’t know what you want him to help until you ask him for help to do the dishes ?
You need to tell him a lot of the miscellaneous things that need to be done around the house even he’s largely blind to, it’s so important to make your effort for keeping telling him until he understands what you need his help.
He won’t know that, so he will ask you, “ What have you been doing for the last 20 minutes ? “
He won’t know what to do even he wants to help you.
A man is different from a woman.
In more deep words, a man’s brain is different from a woman’s brain.
A woman will understand your feelings and a lot of the miscellaneous things that need to be done around the house even you don’t say that, but a man can’t do it, he won’t be able to understand what you guess he will understand even you don’t say to him, he won’t be able to understand what you guess he will notice what to do through your actions even you don’t ask him for help.
Your husband, how to take the things for him differ from you, how to take the things for you. You will be able to decrease feeling your anger if you notice a difference between you and him.
To notice what he doesn’t know until you ask him for help and you tell him your feelings will liberate you a little from your anger.
『 Husband came out after spending about 15 minutes feeding the baby and asked me "what I had been doing for the past 20 minutes" once he saw the dishes hadn't been done. I flipped out, because I'm exhausted and burnt out. He insists he asked because he "was just curious" and doesn't understand why I'm so angry. Am I overreacting? To me, the question does not seem innocent and makes me feel like he doesn't appreciate everything that I do. It also makes me feel like I don’t have the space or “allowance” to relax if, god forbid, I needed a break, even though I WAS cleaning. 』
【My view】; Did you want him to do the dishes ?
Did you tell him what you want him to do the dishes and did you ask him for help to do the dishes ?
He won’t know what to do until you ask him for help to do the dishes, so he will ask you such question. A man, he can’t notice what to do while you don’t tell him what you want him to do.
Do you understand why you’re angry ?
He won't understand why you're angry while you don't understand what makes you feel anger and you don't tell him that.
Do you share what makes you feel anger more deeply with him ?
What you’re angry will mean you do too much at your breaking point, you believe you have to do too much and you try to do what you can do and what you have to do until you’re exhausted and burnt out. He won’t know what you do until you’re exhausted and burnt out, so he won’t understand why you’re angry.
Do you ask him for help regarding what you can do, too ?
Do you ask him for help regarding what you have to do ?
His question won’t have what saddens you, because a man and he consider what they don’t do as trust until you ask them for help and you tell him what you want him to do. Even you’re angry through his question, his question will hide his real feelings which he wants to help you but he doesn’t know what to do, he won’t notice that even him.
The actions of a man have love, but the words of a man don’t have the meaning deeply, a man doesn’t say a real feeling more than women think, a man doesn’t notice a real feeling even a man.
What you feel through his question mirrors yourself, what you already believe, what you already give to yourself.
You have already your answer within your inside through his question.
Regarding “ to you, the question does not seem innocent and makes you feel like he doesn’t appreciate everything that you do. “, what you feel mirrors yourself. What makes you feel like he doesn’t appreciate everything that you do mirrors that you don’t appreciate everything that you do.
While you feel what you want him to appreciate everything that you do, you need to give you that and to tell him that.
It’s so important that you appreciate everything that you do, you appreciate yourself who do everything. That means the relationship between you and yourself, mirrors what you give to yourself.
Your evaluation you already give to yourself will link with your work which you have a high-intensity and demanding job.
In my counselling, you will get what you give to yourself more deeply for appreciating you unconditionally.
『 He has asked me this question many times before, to the point where l've started making mental lists of things I accomplish in case he asks. Also, I am not a stay at home mom, i have a high-intensity and demanding job and am returning from maternity leave in a few weeks. 』
【My view】; Do you share mental lists of things you accomplish with him ?
What is mental lists of things you accomplish with him ?
You’re almost at your breaking point, so you need to ask him more for help and you need to choose your actions you’re not exhausted, it’s so important that you don’t try to do too much and you trust him and you take his help for you.
What you do too much until you’re exhausted and burnt out, restrains what he wants to help you and you take his help, makes you feel anger.
You need to face what you already give to your inside through his question, to let go that.
『 I am almost at a breaking point. My husband used to treat me like a princess, especially when I was pregnant. Now, I feel like he has no appreciation for me or how hard this has been. How do I convey the severity of this without it seeming like I’m making a huge deal out of a little comment? 』
【My view】; Your husband mirrors how you cherish yourself, you need to tell him how you cherish yourself until he understands that.
What you feel like he has no appreciation for you mirrors you have no appreciation for you, what you don’t appreciate yourself.
What you don’t appreciate yourself makes you feel like he has no appreciation for you.
You feel what you already give to yourself through his actions and his questions.
You need to give you what you want him to do.
While you feel he doesn’t understand how hard this has been, it’s so important that you tell him how hard this has been for you until he understands it.
Although you write how you convey the severity of your feelings without it seeming like you’re making a huge deal out of a little comment, what do you think about your relationship you hesitate how to convey even a little comment ?
I understand that you guess how he also thinks you while you're worry about his evaluation and how he thinks you through conveying your feelings with a little comment.
While you’re worry about that, how have you built trust between you and your husband ?
I understand you’re worry how he takes through conveying your feelings with a little comment, do you fear to hurt him and to be disliked by him or to be unloved by him through conveying your feelings with a little comment ?
A man is different from a woman.
As the nature of a man, he doesn’t think how he thinks you.
He’s worry about helping what makes you happy, so you don’t have to be worried how he thinks you through conveying your feelings with a little comment.
It’s so important that you keep sharing your feelings and a little comment more honestly with him for you until he understands that and you take his help.
Even you feel like you’re making a huge deal out of a little comment, you’re almost at your breaking point, so it’s not a little comment for you, what he has his views you fear as the same with you is not necessary.
Even a little comment, telling him your feelings and a little comment will grow trust between you and him more deeply strongly..
About some points for conveying your feelings

• Why you’re angry, you need to notice your real feelings you feel anger.
• What you want him to help.
• What he does as you’re not exhausted.
• What you want him to do as you’re not exhausted.
• What you feel like you’re cherished by him.
• How do you want him to cherish yourself ?,
• You notice what you’re glad and you’re happy, what you’re at your breaking point.

In my counselling,

• You will find the root of your anger more deeply.
• You will get more deeply that you tell him what you want him to help.
• You will get what you take his help happily.
• You will get what you build trust between you and him without fearing his evaluations how he thinks you even when you tell him a little comment.
• To find what you learn through your husband will liberate you from his evaluations and your evaluations, you will find what you learn.
• You will get what you give to yourself more deeply for appreciating you unconditionally.

Guidance for getting my counselling
Regarding my counselling
【Pricing plans of E-mail counselling】

• 8,000 Yen per 2 times；You can get my counselling twice about your sufferings and your worries.

1. You talk to me about your sufferings and your worries.
2. I answer about that, I will share with you if I give you your work.
3. You question me more if you have another questions. You talk to me through experiencing your work I give.
4. I answer about that.

• 20,000 Yen per 1 month

1. There’s no limit to the number of times you can get my counselling for a month.

※ It won’t be easy to change your habit of your thoughts and your actions so far for you through once counselling, it will take time to get a new habit and keep to get it for you, so it will take time more than two plans for getting a new habit and keeping to get it in your case.
※ Price, given in Japanese yen, differs depending on exchange rate against your local currency. Make some adjustment, as a result, money you send will be a little over your calculation. Fee for sending money is yours.
I recommend you to use “ Wise ” regarding Procedure of remittance ( sending money ) because fee for sending money is lower rather than others.
For procedure of remittance ( sending money ), you need my mail address and the registration of Wise. Registration fee for Wise has no charge. I’ll send my mail address to your mail address.
After my confirmation of your payment, you can get my counselling of E-mail.
by Orga Mitsuki

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Nocontact4you
None of my family knows this trip will be the last time they see me.
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest & Poems
Thanks to u/lolfuckno for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity, cancer, ableism, bullying, abandonment, emotional abuse of a child, verbal abuse, neglect, lies, mentions of miscarriage
MOOD SPOILER: Depressing
Original Post Feb 4, 2024
Firstly, I’m okay, physically anyway.
Honestly, I have no idea who this is for, but I think I just need it out of my head.
The circumstances of my birth were complicated. I broke up two marriages, and my family has never been shy about how they feel about me for that. Only one of my brothers has gotten drunk enough to tell me to my face that he resents me for existing, but I know it exists within all of them, at least in some way. Im much younger than all my siblings, and there was so much that happened out of our hands that I made excuses, but my whole life, I’ve never quite felt “part of the family”.
As a child, I told myself we’d make up for lost time once I got older and we could talk as equals. Now, at 23, I see glimpses of the life I wished I’d have, but in the end, I’m always too much trouble to involve. I hear EVERYTHING from my father. I had to find out my niece was in a car accident from him; I had to find out my other niece had a miscarriage from him; I had to find out my oldest brother had a BRAIN TUMOR haphazardly on a phone call with my father, which he didn’t even know I was unaware of.
I’ve known for a while I’m the only one trying, but for the sake of my dreams, I’ve given every opportunity for them to let me in, but I just can’t do it anymore.
I have a psychiatric service dog who aids me with CPTSD. He is the single greatest thing to happen to me. Not only did he save my life from myself, but he has made life livable. He can tell when I’m panicking and he knows pressure therapy to help me through an attack. He stops me from hurting myself in meltdowns, sits with me until the only noise I can hear anymore is his snoring on my lap. He allows me to go grocery shopping by myself. He is my soulmate, and anyone who knows me knows how important he is to me.
My dating life isn’t thriving, so I took a shot in the dark and asked my niece if she minded if I brought my service dog as my plus one for her wedding at the end of this month. I have to fly across the country to go, so I will be bringing him anyway since I cannot fly alone. I figured it couldn’t hurt to see if he could not have to stay in the hotel all night. I do not technically need him for the event, since I’ll know every guest and I will be drinking pretty heavily to cope, but getting to spoil him with a bow-tie, dancing, and STEAK, sounded like the perfect reward for helping me on my flight. Several times, I emphasized that I understood it was an odd request and she could say no if she wanted.
She was EMPHATIC that he could come! She said even if I found a date, he could come! I was elated! For once, I felt seen, I felt cared about, I felt valued. And then I got a call from my dad. No one wanted to make things awkward, but the mother of the bride was NOT okay with a dog being at the venue. I explained that he is a trained service animal and will not impede the ceremony in anyway, and I’d of course remove him if he did. Still, he said they didn’t like it. I was so tired of hearing everyone else’s words through my father. He won’t be around forever and sooner or later, they will have to start talking to me
I had one request: let the bride tell me. When I asked her, she said yes, and until she told me she changed her mind, I was under the assumption he could go. Well, I never heard back. My dad kept dropping hints when i’d call him, but I told him what my expectations were. When I RSVP’d, I put my dog as my plus one on the response to let them know I wasn’t backing down this time. At this point, I didn’t even care if she said he couldn’t go. I just wanted to hear it from her.
The next morning, I woke up to an EMAIL from my father. Not even a text, a fucking email explaining that my niece didn’t want to be the bad guy, but my dog was NOT welcome at the wedding. He said he was sorry, but he could still come with me to the hotel if I wanted.
Something inside me broke, I think. I think I realized this is truly a helpless case. They are never going to respect me the way I crave them to. To this day, not one of our conversations has been started by them. I always initiate, and now, the one time I request a direct contact, I get an email.
Family means everything to me. Over the last few years, i’ve redefined what a family can be, and if right now, my family needs to be a very damaged orphan and their service animal, I’m grateful I have that much.
So, I’m going to the wedding, and then I’m never going to talk to any of them again.
And the sad part is, I didn’t even think they’re going to notice.
Update:
First, thank you to everyone for the kind words, and all the advice. It sincerely means so much that so many people care. I want to address all the questions about why I want to go to this wedding at all. There are plenty of practical reasons that I can name, but the truth is, I need to go for my own closure.
I have a strange relationship with death, and loss. My mother died when I was 5; my family split up right after. I’ve lost several caregivers to serious diseases, grieving their death as they lived. I’ve learned how to navigate MY grieving process. If I don’t go to this wedding, I will regret it. Not only is it my last chance to see my childhood family all together in one place, but if I don’t go, I show them they can bully me. I do not want to make a spectical of my trauma with them, but that does not mean I have to walk away with my tail between my knees.
I’m not scared of them. My relationship is non-existent, but I did see my siblings/cousins/neiecesandnephews fairly regularly. When I was a kid, they intimidated and bullied me into silence, but I’m not a child anymore. I lived with these people; I can manage one night, if for no other reason than to prove they cannot control me.
Thanks again for all the kind words. Happy to provide a pupdate if someone can tell me how to post pictures from the app?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
When told not to go to the wedding

I spent $700 on a plane ticket and $200 on a suit. Least I can do is go drink someone else’s liquor and dance my worries away. Besides. It feels like goodbye

&

The cherry on top is they are all very conservative Christians, and I will be going in a suit with my hair dyed green and makeup done to the nines, so this will be my biggest “fuck you, I’m here anyway” I can pull off. Truthfully, my father’s memory is starting to go as he gets older, so even if I did explain my feelings, he will end up sharing anyway, so I’ve made my peace with the fact that it will be a one-way-street because lord knows they’re not gonna ask what I’m up to.

When told to call the bride directly

The last 20 years of trauma will not be solved with one phone call. This was their last chance to prove to me they want me in their lives. It’s not about the dog. It’s the fact that all I asked is to be treated like a person and talked to directly, and they have proven to me they don’t care, so I’m leaving. I already did my job of reaching out to her and she said yes. Why is it my job to reach out and make sure she hasn’t changed her mind?

When told her father is an asshole and he is the one responsible for everything

THANK YOU! I have felt like the only one who cannot fathom how that conversation could be had over EMAIL?? It’s sadly not uncommon for them to communicate through him, and I always have the receipts after the fact when they’re no longer worried about the awkwardness. My brothers don’t even know where I work. I am building a career around my job. They couldn’t tell you what my relationship status is, and I’d be hard pressed to tell you if they knew my middle name to be honest. My father is not innocent, but they are responsible for their part in our relationship. I have stopped reaching out to them directly because I barely hear back, and it’s clear they don’t really care what I’m saying. I could honestly write a book on the road that’s led me to this choice, but who’s got the time in this economy?

Pupdate for Everyone Asking! Feb 6, 2024
He’s a 2.5 year old, Black and Tan Coonhound☺️
Dog tax
Update Feb 26, 2024
Original Story Here:
https://www.reddit.com/TrueOffMyChest/s/2MfJ98m6kP
POST-WEDDING UPDATE!
So, I went to the wedding. It went about how I expected it to go, though one can never be ready for a spontanious conga line. Sadly, there was no secret last minute invite, nor any secret plot of which the bride was unaware. She felt bad saying no, so she lied, and she didn’t want to tell me that, and she still didn’t, even at the wedding. No one really said much at all, in fact. The mother of the bride did not speak to me at all, my brother tiptoed around the subject until the end of the night. To his credit, he did apologize, “for all the dog stuff” as he said goodbye. Strangely, the apology didn’t make me feel much better.
There was no big confrontation either, mainly because no one cared to listen to me if I tried. As the reception began, part of me wondered how much I was going to miss the people, the environment, the vibe, really. Truthfully, I surprised myself with how ready I was to leave. Goodbye was short, and bittwersweet.
The venue was pretty and the alcohol was free, so I made the best of my night, but I got what I needed out of it, I think. Getting home tonight felt like a weight lifting off my shoulders. I know more than ever that I need to do this, and what I once saw as cutting my family in half, I can now see is clearing space for new family, one that cares.
Thank you for all your kind words, and all the support for my dog!
Arrogance is Bliss March 25, 2024
You don’t love me.
You love an idea of me you fabricated in your mind when I was a child.
I’m no longer a child.
I’m far from perfect, but I’m growing, I’m glowing, and I’m grieving the reality that none of you will ever know the person I become.
You call it love, but my scars disagree.
You hate my hair, my style, my beliefs—you hate me.
And the saddest part is, I don’t even think you know you do.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

TL;DR - I’m 24w pregnant and at my breaking point with my current job. Have a new job already but it won’t pay me for 2 months. My family thinks I’m stupid bc I want to quit right now. Would It be a bad decision?
First of all Ty for reading. I’m at a huge dilemma right now that is causing me extreme stress.
I (19F) am 24 weeks pregnant and a FTM. My fiancé (21M) and I have been together for 4 years, we own a house together, have decent paying jobs and have been living together for almost a year, about to be married in July, so we are pretty put together for our age. We also have everything in order for our son, if he was born tomorrow (which I obviously don’t hope for!) he’d have everything he could ever need for his first few months of life, including crib, car seat, clothes, diapers etc. I have been very excited for this pregnancy and also wanted to prove myself as a young mom so I made sure of this before I even hit trimester 3, plus with so many big events coming up, we had an early baby shower with a diaper raffle and everything.
So my problem is I’m working full time as a CNA to help with my half of the bills, and I absolutely HATE my job. Not only is the job itself grueling, but as I get farther along in my pregnancy it has become exhausting and every day is a mental battle. My job consists of constant bending over, lifting 300+ lb residents either in bed or into chairs, sitting on my knees (well really my butt bc of circulation issues) and being on my feet majority of the day. I could put up with it easier if I had any inclination of help throughout the day. Healthcare facilities are usually understaffed, but my building recently had a walk-out of literally 20 staff members, most of them CNAs, and it leaves the rest of us short handed pretty much every day. I have had several instances of asking nurses and MACs for help and they outright refuse or come up with stupid excuses why it’s not their job. Just yesterday I reported a nurse for walking out of the room when I pretty much TOLD her to help me because I couldn’t do cares on a specific individual myself, she walked out because I was “arguing” with her. I had a huge screaming match with my managers a couple of weeks ago basically threatening to sue them if they kept putting me on this one unit, which I am almost guaranteed to take on 20 patients by myself when I work there. They are so short staffed that they can’t even afford to fire me. My paychecks have been inconsistent for months starting back when they cut all of my hours, now half of the employees left they are constantly asking me to pick up extra shifts. I constantly say no because I can barely make myself go work my regular scheduled shifts. My paychecks continue to be inconsistent because of the amount of times I’ve called in. I just have stopped caring and the only reason I haven’t walked out yet is because I want to be responsible and I know I won’t get fired for missing work anyway.
I am BEYOND over it. I have been wanting to quit for weeks, but struggled to find another job that suited my wants and needs, as I DID NOT want to be a CNA anymore so I told myself I wouldn’t quit until I had something good lined up. It’s difficult to get hired while pregnant because most employers see it as a loss due to maternity leave and pay. The thing is, I actually did find another job and have already been hired and technically making money, I just won’t get paid until after I get my license which will take bout 2 months. It’s 100% commission based but the company has trades in the NYSE and I can make really good money there if I can get clients. I am ready to throw myself and my focus into this new career, and I’ve been looking for any excuse to leave my current job, I really don’t care if I’m not getting paid atm.
I talked to my fiancé, my parents, and my bsf about this and they all pretty much told me I’m stupid for thinking I can quit my current job right now. My fiancé is actually the most supportive out of all of them but he is scared about our finances and worries about how he’s going to pay the bills on his own. Mind you, he has $5000 in personal savings and our shared account that we put money in for our bills is about two months ahead of our monthly expenses, so it’s not like we don’t have ANY money at all. I definitely don’t want to drain our savings in the meantime, but with this new career I could potentially make more than I am currently making, meaning I could soon put way more into savings than I ever was since we moved in. My parents think I should wait until after the wedding to quit my job so I know I’ll have money for the expenses, however, we already paid for majority of the venue costs and they agreed to help us with the rest of the expenses like food, my dress etc (I am NOT getting an expensive dress, it’ll be $300 at most.) they act like I will be constantly asking them for money, which I haven’t done once since living on my own, or that I won’t be able take care of myself. My plans were to get my last paycheck from my current job and put it all towards our bills. We are also expecting one last rent payment from our roommates who are in the process of moving out. At worst we will only need to take a bit out of savings and I can’t allow myself any frivolous spending until I start making money again.
I just feel trapped and like nobody close to me understands what I’m going through. I cried for like an hour last night just thinking about having to go back to work, I just have no idea how I can keep this up for another two months. My self confidence in my ability to prosper in this new job is also deflated due to my family’s reaction. Pregnancy hormones aren’t helping … I thought I’d ask y’all bc ik my family is just worried about my financial security and doesn’t want anything bad to happen. I just want to message HR tonight and never go back.
BTW my current job doesn’t offer paid maternity leave so there’s no reason to wait for that.
Any thoughts?

So partner and I just put a (refundable) down payment on a Sienna XSE today after about a month of searching and stumbling into one that was ghosted at a dealership an hour away.
Honestly, the MSRP was spot-on (49k with a pre-installed plus package), but we had some hesitations on how the dealer handled add-ons. The buyer who abandoned it had "bought" a ceramic paint coating, undercarriage rust protection, and some additional Polyurethane nonsense that ended up adding an additional $5k to the car's total, meaning we were looking at close to $55k before taxes.
I was able to get them to "realize" one of the coatings hadn't been put on (since the car itself had pollen on it and they would've cleaned it first), which knocked $1.4k off, but should I be concerned? I'm still essentially paying a $3k up-charge on the XSE for nonsense.
Some context is I haven't bought a new car in a long time and I'm not privy to some of the latest nonsense dealerships get up to nowadays. I just want to make sure that we're not getting taken for a ride...

I'm trying to figure out my next financial/career moves and I'm curious for people's thoughts.
The short version of my financial history is that I made some sub-optimal decisions in my 20’s and early 30’s that I'm now paying for. Not uncommon, I suppose. But I've got some things going for me as well.
I'm 38M, married for 4 years, living in a high COL West Coast city. No kids yet. 2 cats. :)
I work remotely and earn about $105k gross per year. I work in a very specialized part of the non-profit sector but I've built a broad skillset around financial analysis, legal strategy, and project management. My wife works as an independent contractor and together our AGI is about $144k.
I own a condo in a rough part of town. It's worth about $350k and I owe about $215k on it at 2.99% interest. I bought it as a fixer upper before we got married and I've put some money into it, so it's in much better condition than it was when I bought it. I've lived here for about 7 years. Mortgage + HOA is about $1900/month.
I owe about $100k in student loans. In return for this I got a bachelor's degree from an okay school and two Master's degrees from a very good school. I'm on the SAVE plan.
I owe about $35k in credit card debt. I'm attacking it aggressively, and the overall amount is down from about $40k in October of last year, when I finally pulled the plug on my credit cards. I've bounced most of it to 0% balance transfer cards. About $15k of it is on a debt management plan at 10% interest. Once my credit score improves a bit, my plan is to transfer the rest of it to a 0% card.
Like a lot of people, I overspent coming out of the pandemic, but I don't really have any regrets about doing some traveling that I'd been putting off for years. At this point I've cut discretionary spending pretty substantially.
No car payment. I own my car outright, and it's in decent condition to last another 3-5 years.
I don't currently have any savings. That, along with retirement funding, is my next goal after tackling cc debt.
Other aspects of my current job: The health insurance benefits are excellent. $0 monthly premiums and $0 deductible, and any out of pocket costs are reimbursed up to $10,000 per participant per year. I also get a traditional defined benefit pension. The net present value (NPV) of this is currently around $300k, and I'm vested, which means I lock in that benefit even after I leave my job. At this point it comes out to around $1200 in current dollars per month after I retire, but it will continue to grow the longer I stay at my current job. I also get a bunch of fringe benefits, like free Internet, free legal services (up to a certain amount per year), an education benefit, and a monthly childcare benefit (which I'm not using). My company doesn’t offer a 401k match.
For what it's worth, I love my job and find it both intellectually stimulating and socially useful.
My wife is dissatisfied with where we live (realistically, I am too) but our monthly mortgage payment is so low that selling would mean either leaving the region entirely, renting a much worse place at the current price point, or doubling our monthly housing costs if we purchase. I've considered renting this place out but I'm not interested in being a traditional landlord in this region, where the current laws mean if you get a deadbeat renter you're just screwed. The HOA prohibits short-term rentals, too, so vacation rentals are out of the question. Ideally, I would like to own a home in a middle-class neighborhood in this region, not the rough neighborhood I currently live in. It's also not a school district I would want to send kids to, although that's still a couple years off. I'm not really interested in moving out of this region to hunt a low COL elsewhere. My dream scenario would be to just earn enough money to buy a house in a middle-class neighborhood here.
So, I'm considering a job change for higher compensation. My degrees are non-technical, so switching to a high-compensation industry like tech wouldn't be an immediate option. I've done some value-add programs like the PMP (Project Management Professional) certification. I'm also using my current employer's education benefit to take accounting classes at the local community college. I'm a few credits away from being able to sit for the CPA exam.
I have side gigs as an academic tutor and PMP instructor. Previously I worked as a part-time data analyst on the side, but that gig ended. I'm aiming to take in around $1000-$2000/month from side gigs.
I'm not currently investing anything into a retirement fund. I sleep at night by reminding myself I have a traditional pension, and I'm throwing all my cash at paying off credit card debt. Once I accomplish that, my plan is to start maxing out my IRA.
Overall it feels like I have an okay financial life, but I'm wondering if I'm missing something to accomplish my goals faster.
Thanks to everyone who read this far. Any advice is appreciated.

Hello, I recently went to a Mazda dealership in the state of Florida on Saturday May 11th 2024. I'm super new to this kind of stuff and inexperienced. Just trying to figure out the world on my own. I financed a car through the dealership, and I made a down payment. I was under the impression that the down payment would take away from the total amount of the caloan, but instead after rereading the contract I signed, it turns out that the down payment actually added to the total cost of the car. So all in all what happened was we agreed on a price in which I stupidly assumed the price we agreed upon included the down payment, which it didn't. Then after I signed the entire contract they asked me to submit my down payment. The salesman I signed with was one week on the job and also admitted that he didn't even know if he got the couple he previously sold a car to just 30 minutes prior to sign all of the required paperwork. Do I have any means of getting my down payment back from the dealership without getting an Arbitrator involved, as I did sign the Arbitration Agreement Mazda has in place. My down payment was $3,000. Let me know if I am able to please.
Thanks!

I (23m) have recently found out my (23f) fiancée has been secretly talking to a guy she works with & has been hanging out with him. When I first found out she assured me that he was gay and that I was over reacting. I only know of once that they hung out, she told me her & her bff were going fishing (they have before, we all have gone before) an I thought nothing of it. I found out later that her bff did not go & that she was with him. I had her location the whole time, I even pinned one of our favorite places on her Apple Maps for them to get to. I’ve recently found out that he is not gay, I think he has a girlfriend. I don’t check social media much, but she hid our engagement post from her page & deleted every picture/post of me that doesn’t have our son in it. After I found out I packed my bags an left, missing my son/her guilt tripping me I came back. I think it was a mistake, we talked for a few hours the day I came back (about a week ago now). I do not have a car, when we had our son she ran into pregnancy issues causing her to be unable to work, she only worked part time to pay her car payment & half of our insurance (15-20h a week) an I covered everything else. I could only afford to pay for her car payment (her pap co-signed) I was alone on my loan.

For context I live about 2000 miles away from my family with my fiancé who is in the military and is supposed to deploy at any point in the next month or so which is just so great because I also don’t know when he’s coming back. We’re getting married in October and trying to plan that around his delayed deployment is extremely stressful. I am a full time undergrad online student and just added a minor while I’m starting my honors thesis research project in which I’m conducting my own study this fall. I work full time in a special ed classroom and while I love kids and love working with special needs kids and have a couple years of experience, I hate the classroom I’m in. There are 11 kids in it who are constantly, and I mean constantly, having behaviors. And I love behavioral analysis and all that, that’s what I’m studying, but these kids are so low that any behavior corrections do not work. And so I deal with kids pushing other kids, breaking their glasses, putting their hands in the toilet, eloping, dropping to the floor, everything you could possibly imagine. And the kids who do understand actively choose against making good choices. But schools are about to let out and I now have to find a new job for the summer which sucks. My fiancé was supposed to deploy about 2 months ago and didn’t so we’ve been sharing a car and while I love spending time with him more than anything, my only time alone now is my 30 minute break at lunch which I have to listen to my annoying ass fucking coworker yap the whole time in the teachers lounge. Also she is super frustrating too because I have to pick up a lot more slack because of her. But because I don’t have any alone time or time to reset after work (I usually would use my car ride home to listen to my music and reset) I've been taking my overly stressed, reactive work-self home to him and he told me today I have been mean to him a lot lately and I feel horrible about it because it's the last thing I want to do and he does not deserve any of that. On top of everything, we also found out that we are moving across the world at the end of the year so we now have to buy a new car, put a down payment on a place out there, buy a washer & dryer, and also move everything out there which includes our dog, who is also a massive pain in the ass as he is in his pterodactyl phase and constantly getting into anything he can. On top of all of those expenses (and the wedding), our roommate decided he is going to move out at the end of the lease instead of going month to month like we originally agreed on doing until we move, which means we have to find a place to live for 4 months. This means another down payment on an apartment when the studios around us don't go for under $2300. Great. So after he told us that, I decided that I could not attend my cousin's bach party in the summer in order to afford attending her wedding as a bridesmaid in December (which is also 2000 miles away, during the most expensive week to travel, and about a week before we move across the world), and told her I cannot pay my portion of the air bnb but that should be fine because its still 2.5 months out, and she could find someone to go in my place, find a different house, or ask everyone else to pay my portion which would come out to $30/person, which sucks, but I cannot spend $1500 on someones bach (flying, activities, airbnb, grocery, dogcare, parking my car, etc.) during this year of all years. I know I am kind of the asshole for canceling so close, but I can't control all of the unexpected finances I had come up this year. This understandably upset her, and she basically gave me the ultimatum of if I don't pay my portion for the airbnb she is gonna kick me from the bridal party. So that's fantastic truly. And on top of that, my parents are coming out to see me in a couple weeks, and this will be the last time I see my dad before he goes into a surgery that is extremely risky and if does not go well will leave him blind, and I am currently no contact with my deadbeat addict mom as she blocked me on social media for a reason unbeknownst to me. So I am fucking tired. I am stressed. I am burnt out. I am overwhelmed. I am frustrated. And I don't know what to do with any of those feelings because they are truly all "time will fix it" issues. I go to the gym, I eat well, and I prioritize sleep. But I am just stuck in this fucking limbo and I am treating my fiance like shit and I am performing so reactively at work and I feel horrible about that. Ugh. I am hoping this vent will help me get everything off my chest so I can be and feel better. If you read this far, thank you and I appreciate you.