I was paralyzed from the waist down several years ago in an accident. 2 years ago I was having surgery on my hand for an unrelated injury.
The nurse started the iv and walked away. The anesthesiologist came in and started getting things ready. About 5 minutes in I ask what he put in the iv. He said “nothing yet”. I told him “that’s weird cause I can’t feel my legs”.
3 seconds of panic while he quickly looks through my file. Then 10 seconds of shooting laser beams from his eyes as he holds back the swear words he wanted to use.
Fast forward to 6 months ago. Now I’m having a different surgery for a totally different problem at a different facility. The anesthesiologist comes in and says “Tim says hi and he still remembers you”. Then the surgeon comes in (a friend of mine) and says “I barely got an anesthesiologist willing to put up with you. Apparently they don’t think you’re as funny as you think you are”.

I had to call 911 and go to the hospital, I was tweaking. I frequently used weed, but lately it’s doing the opposite effect of what it used to. It used to helps soothe my crippling anxiety and depression. But I just kept using it because it gave me some sort of numbness. But this time last night was different. And I’ve greened out plenty of times before, I’ve thugged it out most times. But my chest started feeling heavier, and breathing became hard. I felt a lot of tension in my nose/middle face area. I was extremely fried as well, getting very paranoid and not being sure what I was looking at. I had to step out my apartment and walk back and forth the streets.
They asked me if I wanted to go to hospital, I said yea. I was so fried, they had to help me out those arm pressure things, as well as the ones for your finger, because I was super dizzy /nauseous and could barely move, I actually wanted to fall off my chair. The staff were def irritated. I apologized to the man in the ambulance, but he just rolled his eyes and didn’t say anything. Also I felt I was getting stares, some of them were talking most likely about me, and finding it a little funny. But I’m so high(still and it’s the end of the day), it felt like a blur.
So we go in there room after I beg for a quiet one and not just the public hallway. And this is when I start really losing my calm. The nurse lady asks me if I use edibles because I’m going through something, and I admitted I did it because of my anxiety and stress as well as some unresolved issues. Saying it out loud made me start bawling, and my body starts heating up. They were putting the chest straps on my chest. I’ve always had this weird phobia for slight chest discomfort, or pain. And for some reason it was making me feel more stressed, and I didn’t want to trigger my lifelong asthma, since I’m having a heavy chest. I’m begging/pleading the nurse lady to take them off. Because I felt like my heart couldn’t take it. She gives in eventually but leaves some on. I start sweating buckets, feeling weak, nauseous, and super hot. And the doctors were confused because they said the hospital was definitely ventilated with AC. After 15/20 mins, it starts to cool down. So they let me sleep it off for 2-3 hours(I could barely do that), before discharging me. I walk out the hospital, still very high and feeling weak. Like CHS weak. That definitely had to play a part, but the nurse didn’t know what that meant.
The reports said my blood pressure 140/81. But I recall me asking in there, and them telling me it was at 170(and should apparently be at 120). So idk if the written report being 140 is the average, or if it’s the longest running number, or if it was never 170. I’m still a lil scared that I might have another panic attack, and I feel like absolute shit rn. I know it’s nobodies fault but my own. I had nobody else to call but the hospital. It’s just been a lot with my mental health, and physical exhastion from work, as well as some things I’ve been dealing with inside my head.
Edit: I learned my lesson. I just wanted to stop feeling suicidal all the time. Ironically.

So right now I'm a nurse in training and my current hospital ward is the first workplace where my deadname isn't on the roster (I changed my name legally almost a year ago but my school didn't inform the retirement home I worked after that that my name changed so they still knew my deadname). At my first hospital ward where I worked my colleagues knew that I'm trans, sometimes misgendered me and I got some questions because I'm trans. Now I never got any questions or was being misgendered whatsoever. So I don't know if they know that I'm trans or if I pass. There was one situation when at break my colleagues and I chatted about name changings (because a patient got confused with some colleague's name and we joked about changing it for fun) and I read a list of reasons to legally change your first name in Germany. The last reason I listed was being transgender and nobody really commented on that. Except one colleague who wanted to start a conversation about the new law in Germany in which trans people can change their name and gender more easily but nobody really paid attention, she couldn't even finish her sentence. It sounded like she didn't like the law though. But would she say something to a trans woman? And when I worked with her she was always nice to me. I always tried to not let other people know that I'm trans (even though I always think that people can tell). Sometimes I'd say something like "of course I'm able to give injections already, I'm doing them on myself as well" but nobody asked why I would take injections or something. No questions so far. So now I was working in the night shift and I prepared the medication for some patients. Then I saw that there was cyproterone acetate in the medicine cabinet and I said to my colleague "wow they have that here. It's always funny for me to see medicine in the hospital that I'm taking myself" but also there weren't any questions. She was questioning what the indications are and why it's here because the package hasn't been opened so far. So I said that it's a t blocker and then read some indications from a website. But my colleague didn't question or reacted surprised that I'm taking it. So I don't know if she just didn't care or it's not a new information for her that a trans woman is taking t blockers. I was pretty nervous to talk about my hrt (even though it's just a small part of it) but there weren't any questions. I still don't know if I just pass or if the people here are just decent and don't pose dumb questions. Tbh I do want to know if they clocked me or not but I also like the thought that I could be just passing. I don't want to out myself because I don't know if my colleagues start to misgender me or something else if they know that I'm amab. But it's kinda nice that I can just be me without weird looks or unnecessary comments.

my plans are nothing much, and such would be my paradise, but a pair of dice, they call my name, i can't refrain, it's not a bet unless you're afraid to lose, but beware a stranger cause maybe they're scared too, and beware your friends, you can't read their thoughts, they are human beings equipped with schemes and plots, yet don't trust yourself, not telling what you might do, you're the fool that made you you. sleeping with two eyes closed is simply something that i used to do.
I sip laced sprite write tight lyrics in my phone, my drip kinda funny but uniquely is my own, screw poems, I wanna be a rockstar when I’m grown, getting thrown like the stone that skips on water near my home

my plans are nothing much, and such would be my paradise, but a pair of dice, they call my name, i can't refrain, it's not a bet unless you're afraid to lose, but beware a stranger cause maybe they're scared too, and beware your friends, you can't read their thoughts, they are human beings equipped with schemes and plots, yet don't trust yourself, not telling what you might do, you're the fool that made you you. sleeping with two eyes closed is simply something that i used to do
I sip laced sprite write tight lyrics in my phone, my drip kinda funny but uniquely is my own, screw poems, I wanna be a rockstar when I’m grown, getting thrown like the stone that skips on water near my home

Hello my fellow witches. Two days ago a tornado came through our town. Luckily, it could have been a lot worse. My family and loved ones are all safe.
However, I’m having a very hard time dealing with the mass loss of old trees in my neighborhood. Ancient, huge trees down everywhere. Lots of them on houses. I grew up in the neighborhood I live in now, so some of these trees I’ve known my whole life. One that I planted with my father when I was little just snapped in half. The horizon is so different that I’m having a hard time keeping tears in even thinking about it, let alone looking at it.
I am so grateful that nothing worse happened, and part of me feels silly mourning these trees. But a larger part of me knows how deeply attached to nature I am, so I’m trying to give myself some grace.
If anyone has any words, poems, adages, funny stories; really anything, I just need some support. Right now our communities are really coming together for each other, and it makes me feel warm and loved. I just don’t know how to deal with the loss of these trees.

"Being a demigod is cool in a; 'You-might-die-but-at-least-your-parent-is-a-supernatural-being' kind of way."
Basic Info:
Age: 14
Date of Birth: December 3rd.
Nationailty: American
Race: Mexican-American
Fatal Flaw: Incompetence
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Bi
Demigod Conundrums: ADHD
Hometown: Queens, New York.
_______________________________________
FAM

Name and Age	Relationship	Bit of Info
Alma Rivera Copeland, 34	Mother	Works as nurse, got remarried to Sia Copeland after Circe left her. Is ok to Cal, but fairly religious so dosen't respect Cal's sexuality.
Circe	"Ahem"	Literally no idea.
Sia Laura Copeland	Step-Mother	Cal's stepmother, tries to understand Cal, but really dosen't.

__________________________________
Powers:
Magic Vision.
Summon Magic Creation.
Close-up Magic.
Weaving Proficiency.
Herbology and Metallurgy Proficiency.
Swine, Guinea Pig, and Feline Affinity.
Charmsong.
___________________________________
FAVORITE THINGSSSS:
Food: Cheesecake. Yeah. Literally just Cheescake.
Drink: Shirley Temple.
Media: DRAMA.
________________________________
Appearance:
Faceclaim: Lily Calloway.
Voiceclaim: Maya Hawke
Height: 5'4
Weight: ExCUse mE?
Eye color: Green :)
__________________________________________
History:
Cal Was raised to be an above average daughter. Of course, that didn't stick. So she kind of couldn't stay in one school for at least 2 years. She got kicked out of manyyyy schools, from the time when she punched a teacher, to the time she convinced a kid to eat glue. (Which didn't end up well for the kid.) Her mom wasn't much help either, just a bunch of forced smiles and 'Mija, you can do it's. She knew the reason. It was because she was Bisexual, not the perfect image of the above average, straight, and perfectly religious picture. Ugh. Her Step-mother, Sia, was sorta nice, but, just wasn't her kind of person. Cal could tell that she tried hard to understand why it happened. Why Cal couldn't seem to stay in one school, or why she liked girls too, but she knew Sia didn't understand her. It was fine. So, you would expect her to be happy when Gregory came to fetch her for that camp, right? Wrong.
Present Day:
Cal was fed up with the stupid day. She had spilled her cereal all over her, failed her math quiz, gotten more name calling then usual at her school, tripped in front of everyone, and of course, Gregory turning out to be a half goat thing and telling her to abandon everything she's ever known just topped it off.
"So, I'm a Half-Bleed-"
"Blood"
"Whatever. And you want me to come with you to a Camp for kids like me?"
"Yeah."
She looked him in the eye, a calm, yet dangerous seriousness settling over them. And just as the suspense couldn't get any higher, Cal snorted and walked right pass Gregory. "Nope." It was funny. Almost as funny as Gregory's mouth hanging open. "No? That's it? Your passing up the one opportunity in your life to actually belong and you give a casual 'NO?'" He stammered, watching in disbelief as Cal mounted her motorcycle, that she promised her mom she wouldn't go any faster than 20 MPH on. She thought for a moment, bringing a finger to her chin. "Yeah. Yeah, that's basically what I'm doing." She said nonchalantly. Gregory scoffed, about to say something when a screech could be heard behind them.
"What was-"
"Get on the bike get on the bike."
They clambered onto the bike, Cal scrambling for the key, and Gregory, well, just sitting there. Finally, they took off, and let me tell you, it was much faster than 20 MPH. The screech sounded closer, and Cal went as fast as she could, zipping through traffic.
"Where did you say that camp was again?"
As Gregory gave her directions, the screeches got closer and closer, until finally, Cal felt something skim her leg. Something sharp. She snapped her head back to see a winged and fanged old women, looking particularly ugly with disgusting bony wings. "What was that for?!" She screamed at the bat lady thing. Gregory pondered the question. "Well, I guess the fury happened to be in the area, and then you started riding your motorcycle, and for some reason that attracted the-"
"Crap! I promised my mom I wouldn't ride my bike over 20 miles per hour. Don't the furies hate it when you like break a promise?"
He whimpered. "Yeah..." And just as she thought that they were done, a hill came into view. A singular tree. "Is that the hill!?" she yelled, pointing. Gregory snapped out of his fear, (mostly at least,) and widened his eyes. "Yeah!" he exclaimed. She sped up, darting over the hill to find what looked like a normal summer camp. She pulled to a stop, (the fury not chasing her because of the magical barriers), and clambered off of her motorcycle. It was beautiful. Or at least, that's what she thought from her blurry vision. Oh yeah. As she slowly lowered her gaze, she saw a large gash down her calf, pain shooting up her leg. And that's the last thing she saw before she hit the ground, and chaos erupted.

episode 1/season 4 premiere: pretty girl fizzy
R&B bad girl pretty girl fizzy is arrested for armed robbery and exchanges relationship advice for a lawyer (kyosuke's father) and the help of homura, kyosuko and others.
episode 2: amazing times
penoru makes an announcement that he, kyosuko, kalios, alonio, kilotus, and mizli are going to leave Woodcrest "forever" due to paying his millions to garry tomoe's insurance company, homura and kyosuko will try to prevent this asap.
episode 3: breaking homura
In the garage, kalios and mami is studying and testing chemistry. penoru, homura, madoka, sayaka, kyosuke and kalios come in and scolds him for attempting to make a bomb, but kilotus says its a hair gel. Then, Robert and the boys go to a financial expert as the holy quintet and dummies have no money whatsoever since their house was returned.
At the car wash, as penoru works, kyoko sakura rudely comes to inform the dummies that they must stay at work until closing time, much to their disdain as they have a date that night. At the house, as penoru prepares for his date, he realizes his bankruptcy and when he reveals to his via phone, he cancels it. Before that, he uses kyosuko's hair gel.
The next morning, penoru wakes up with beautiful hair, in which he transfers some of the gel to mizli and bliza. When kilotus finds out, he reveals the truth that the hair gel is actually a bomb product as he explains that he invented it to murder mike tomoe in an attempt to get their freedom. Upon this, penoru attempts to beat Huey but Huey refuses the beating and resists. madoka, homura, sayaka, mami, penoru, kalios, alonio, kyosuko, mizli and bliza ignored kilotus's plea to get rid of it and decide to sell it, which kilotus reluctantly agrees to.
The holy quintet and dummies meet boss willow, an uptight black businesswoman who owns a hair salon and store. She agrees to sell the hair gel, and in return, she gives the holy quintet and the dummies a duffle bag of money. kilotus, homura and kyosuko, however, is opposed to the business, revealing to her that the hair gel is highly explosive, but Willow doesn't care, as she claims that all of the hair products have dangerous usage of chemical ingredients and advises a warning label on the gel.
The sales of the gel goes well, with willow and her flamboyant homosexual henchman selling the products and the holy quintet, homura, the dummies and kyosuko, except for kilotus, ship them. Unfortunately, the sales fall short when a news announcement that two women were arrested at the airport after their hair was flagged as explosive. Thus, the hair gels are reported as terrorist materials due to the explosive compound contained in the gel. Upon this, the holy quintet and dummies attempt to return the money, but willow declines it, stating that she cares about more profit, and that her business is completely legitamite. At the warehouse, the holy quintet and dummies deal with the situation and penoru decides to make the gel himself, as kilotus refuses. However, kilotus agrees to make it, only to have a condition to make it in a desert only 83 miles away from mitakihara town and mitakihara city. The holy quintet, homura, kyosuko and the dummies succeed in making it, and call Boss willow and her henchman. Despite the agreement, she and the henchman force homura, kyosuko, holy quintet and dummies to make the hair gel via gunpoint, as kalios is excluded due to the henchman tying him outside the RV. During the experiment, penoru uses the wrong ingredient, causing the gel to explode, forcing Robert and Huey to exit as they lock willow and her henchman inside. penoru frees kalios, mizli and blizana and the holy quintet, homura, kyosuko and the dummies escape in the RV because of a fire caused by a cigarette from the henchman.
The scene goes where the episode had begun. The dummies and holy quintet drive through the desert in the RV with gas masks. Suddenly, they stop, with sirens away. penoru retrieves a gun owned by the henchman and attempts to use it for the awaiting authorities. However, the sirens turn out to be firemen going for the fire (with kyoko sakura alongside). penoru angrily loses faith, meanwhile, Willow and The Henchman awaken on the RV and decide to hotwire and steal it. Unfortunately, the RV explodes due to the hair gel in it, killing both of them. Despite their death, the holy quintet, homura, the dummies and kyosuko immediately leave.
episode 4: an very early bird special
penoru is hired by pimps to escort lonely women at a nursing home with homura, kyosuko, mizli and bliza.
episode 5: funny ride or die
A young reluctant kyosuko's dad is held as an unwilling freedom rider by Reverend marie, on a trip through the racist South in mitakihara town. Despite his attempts to "turn the bus around" kyosuko's dad meets homura's dad and are led into dangerous territory.
episode 6: penoru dates a catrina
penoru is dating a woman named maria kardashian, who claims to be a member of homulilly's fanclub aka the catrinas of mitakihara.
episode 7: madnessland
homura, kyosuko, madoka, kalios, kilotus, sayaka, alonio, mizli, bliza (after a date with the student warrior, the dummies adopted bliza) and penoru find that garry tomoe's new puella magi and magical boy slavery theme park "madnessland" may be a bit too authentic, when they are trapped there and forced to be slaves. homura and kyosuko must find a way to uproot them from this situation.
episode 8: i dream of character ai
penoru buys a new samsung phone downloads character ai, but using his phone and character ai for too long, his phone becomes sentient due to the character ai app and obsessed with him.
episode 9: human kyubey: begun the clone war has
human kyubey returns via to cloning and becomes a celebrity after a video of his fight with homura goes viral, homura wants a final rematch (this episode marks the end of the human kyubey arc)
episode 10/series finale: the passion of reverend kyoko
kyoko has a dream of white heaven and is diagnosed with cancer. she spends the rest of her days preaching about the puella magis (which she never was diagnosed with cancer, only revealed in the end of the episode). Meanwhile homura and kyosuko plans a scheme to bust out a unjustly imprisoned inmate

this is only the beginning of the end because homura and the magical boys the movie will mark the end of the puella magi madoka magica franchise

My brother moved my car from our driveway down the street to rearrange cars and did not lock it, so I guess at 2:00 AM it was just an easy, unlocked target. Which is beyond stupid, and I know I share some blame in not checking it was locked/moving it back into the driveway. However, someone went through it, they broke my glovebox and emptied everything out, tore through my car, they took a backpack that has NO value to them but binders full of notes from nursing school that I need to sit the state boards in just a few weeks. They stole about $3.00 worth of change and key that goes to nothing but with a sentimental keychain. They ripped open a box of AZO UTI pain relief pills. There's a picture of my father that I keep taped to the dash, and it's just infuriating to think he had to "see" it. It just seemed so intentional, my prescription glasses I use for driving were snapped in half. The hood was popped open for whatever reason. However, what gets me the most is they drew a dick in the pollen on the windshield. Like, it's so funny to violate someone's space, like a big, signed "fuck you."
I filed with local PD but in reality, what can they do? Nothing fixes the gross feeling of sitting in my car knowing someone was just tossing everything around. Nothing fixes feeling helpless and violated.

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL super funny talaga ng mga taong nagsisinungaling about their univ like YES KING isa kang homegrown atenean pero di mo man lang alam na walang nursing program sa admu YES 🙏🏼💙🏹
kasalanan to ng phr4r (sinuntok ang pader)! ginawa niyo kasing meta yung big 4 univs eh! ayan tuloy, nagkaron bigla ng nursing yung admu 😞 ni di nga yata sila aware na may bago nang dagdag 😞
una, yung bsa student daw from admu. ngayon naman, nursing student from the same univ. damnnnnnn dawg, di lahat ng tao hayok sa univ ng iba 😹 bat need pa magsinungaling about that 😹 di ka naman tatapakan pag sinabi mong di ka from big 4 LMAOOOOOOOO
im not even mad sa ganitong situation 😭 ang funny nga actually bc ano makukuha mo dito aside from ego boost from something that's not real 😭 + the fact na super libog and pangit pa kausap DAWGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG cannot keep it in his pants fr! god, the men you put on earth to build houses and buildings are being so weird towards a woman they met on the internet!
anw, mga redditor talaga! di lang mukha yung icacatfish, pati na pala educational background #TakeTheWheel

I was scheduled for an induction on Feb 20th 2024. I had a slow leak of fluid that happened on Feb 17th, I waited for contractions, but none came. I called the doctor office later on Feb 17th to ask what to do. They said to come in to be checked and potentially induced.
I go to the hospital, no dilation, slow leak confirmed. Figured I was just going to spend the night until they started the induction process the next morning, which was their plan. Baby became very distressed, heart rate kept dropping after they started me on cytotec, it was 2am and they decided to call the doctor on-call in to do an emergency c-section. I was accepting of this, I just wanted baby to be ok and she was.
After we get home and released from the hospital, I had an appointment with the doctor to remove the hospital provided wound vac on Feb 26th. Mind you, the wound vac provided is not meant for excessive fluid. I go to the appointment on Feb 26th, the doctor removes it and there is a ton of fluid leaking. The doctor says this is not normal and it is not something he knows how to handle. I am absolutely lost, I was feeling sick already and like something was off. I was not in my right mind to process or handle this new obstacle.
The doctor ordered at home nursing visits, to stuff the wound with iodoform, by the end of the week I had become increasingly concerned because it was consistently leaking probably a good liter of fluid a day. I felt like something was wrong and when I had my last appointment with this doctor (who didn't know how to handle this) on Feb 29th, I asked if I should go to the hospital to get it looked at. THE DOCTOR TOLD ME NO. --- So Friday, March 1st comes along and I am still concerned and ask the nurse visiting me about it. She suggested going to the hospital after myself and my mother were questioning her about it. She didn't advise us to go to the hospital immediately either, because the fluid was loose and tan colored.
Turns out, at the hospital the internal incision opened up and I was fighting an infection from the inside. Which is why I was so sick but didn't have the typical wound infection symptoms. I had to go under for another surgery for them to remove dead and infected tissue and close the incision up again. Then I had to deal with wet-to-dry daily dressing changes in the wound and that was the most archaic and traumatizing month and a half. This doctor was supposed to order me a wound vac, never did. Kept asking me about when the visiting nurses would be ordering it. I knew nothing about any of this, but again, I had to do digging and make all the calls. This doctor needed to order it, finally did. Finally received the wound vac on March 15th.
Now I am still dealing with an open wound May 28th, the wound doctor I got myself in touch with and had to ask my doctor to send a referral to ((since they couldn't even think to do that)) - this doctor says my wound is "healing funny" and I keep getting fungal infections on my skin around the wound because I have excess skin from my stomach. The wound is under a fold of excess skin. This doctor advised me they could cauterize the wound to seal it. I don't even know if that will help entirely since I will still have a fold of excess skin.
I just wish someone could do something more about this and I think its insane no one talks about these things. I never knew anyone that had a c-section incision open. I hope this can help someone else in the future. I wish I could legally do something about the doctors negligence but no such luck.
Anyone have a c-section cauterized? did you have excess skin covering the scar? how did it heal?

Week 3: Limericks and the Art of Humor
Day 1: Decoding Limericks - Activity: Analyze classic limericks for rhythm and humor. - Lecture: Discuss the AABBA rhyme scheme and distinctive rhythm. - Discussion: Share favorite humorous poems and discuss elements that make them funny.
Day 2: Crafting Limericks with Wit - Activity: Write limericks individually, focusing on humor and rhythm. - Lecture: Explore the balance of humor and structure in limericks. - Discussion: Share and discuss individual limericks, highlighting successful elements.
Day 3: Understanding Free Verse - Activity: Analyze free verse poems for structure and expression. - Lecture: Introduce the concept of free verse and its flexibility. - Discussion: Discuss the liberation and challenges of writing without a strict structure.
Day 4: Writing Exercise - Expressing Emotions in Free Verse - Activity: Explore emotions and write a free verse poem. - Assignment: Craft a free verse poem exploring a personal experience or emotion. - Vocabulary Words: Enjambment, Cadence, Anapest.
Day 5: Peer Review and Feedback - Activity: Peer review workshop for free verse poems. - Lecture: Discuss the artistic freedom and impact of free verse. - Discussion: Share insights gained from reviewing peers' free verse poems.
Study Guide Questions for Week 3: 1. What defines a limerick, and how does its rhythm contribute to its humor? 2. Discuss the importance of the AABBA rhyme scheme in limericks. 3. How does free verse differ from structured forms of poetry? 4. Explore the challenges and benefits of writing without a strict form in free verse. 5. Reflect on the emotions and experiences expressed in your free verse poem.
Quiz: Assessment on limericks, the AABBA rhyme scheme, and the principles of free verse.
Week 4: Free Verse and Acrostic Poetry
Day 1: Embracing Free Verse - Activity: Analyze diverse free verse poems for individual expression. - Lecture: Discuss famous free verse poets and their impact on the genre. - Discussion: Share personal reactions to the artistic freedom of free verse.
Day 2: Crafting Emotion in Free Verse - Activity: Write a free verse poem expressing a specific emotion. - Lecture: Explore the role of emotions in free verse and the use of vivid imagery. - Discussion: Share and discuss individual poems, highlighting emotional impact.
Day 3: Understanding Acrostic Poetry - Activity: Analyze acrostic poems for clever wordplay. - Lecture: Explain the concept of acrostic poetry and its various forms. - Discussion: Share examples of creative acrostic poems.
Day 4: Writing Exercise - Personal Acrostic - Activity: Craft an acrostic poem using your name or a chosen word. - Assignment: Write an acrostic poem exploring a theme or concept. - Vocabulary Words: Strophe, Stanza, Consonance.
Day 5: Peer Review and Feedback - Activity: Peer review workshop for acrostic poems. - Lecture: Discuss the playfulness and creativity of acrostic poetry. - Discussion: Share insights gained from reviewing peers' acrostic poems.
Study Guide Questions for Week 4: 1. Explore the role of emotions in free verse poetry. How does it differ from structured forms? 2. Discuss the impact of vivid imagery in free verse. How does it contribute to the overall message? 3. What defines acrostic poetry, and how is it different from other forms? 4. How can clever wordplay enhance the impact of an acrostic poem? 5. Reflect on the creative process and thematic exploration in your acrostic poem.
Quiz: Assessment on understanding free verse, emotional expression in poetry, and the principles of acrostic poetry.

• Lying about side effects of medicine. Not simply failing to tell me all the possible side effects, straight up lying.
  
• Insistence on increasing medication dosages up to max dose and/or trying new similar medications despite persistent negative side effects with zero benefit. Finally getting off antidepressants was ironically a good thing for my depression.
  
• Constant threats to use force/restraint for the slightest disobedience.
  
• A psychiatrist blackmailing me into getting committed by threatening to ILLEGALLY breach confidentiality. I could have probably sued over this but I had no one to stand up for me.
  
• Forcefeeding, no comment.
  
• Family and staff are taught to dehumanize patients. For example, the distress a person shows when being forcefed or restrained isn't really the person, but rather the illness "crying out". This is something they repeatedly use to cope with the fact that they're hurting people.
  
• Despite the previous point, they had the nerve to say that I'm the one lacking empathy.
  
• When you have a psychiatric diagnosis, all unrelated physical complaints are shoved under that as well (for example, headaches, stomach aches, fatigue).
  
• I was told that my lack of trust in people was the symptom of a personality disorder by a psych ward doctor... after I was blackmailed into hospitalization by the last person I trusted.
  
• I was also told that I was "paranoid" for taking basic safety measures and caring about my privacy
  
• Constant pathologizing of body language and mannerisms. I am less expressive than most people but this was twisted into a symptom ("flat affect")
  
• Similarly, therapists overfocus on your body language like in those shitty true crime videos. It feels violating and probably made my flat affect even worse.
  
• Personality traits are also pathologized if the psychiatrist doesn't like them, i.e being cold.
  
• Gaslighting, if I had to describe psychiatry in one word it'd be it: constant gaslighting.
  
• Therapists project their own personal issues and beliefs onto you. If you see a psychiatrist who specializes in trauma, your problem is always trauma. If you see one who specializes in personality disorders, you always have a personality disorder. If you see one who's big on medication, your problem is always a chemical imbalance.
  
• Similarly, I've had a couple therapists who were obsessed with religion and politics, guess what they thought my problems were rooted in.
  
• When I was hospitalized, I had a nurse praise me for watching my diet and weight... I was anorexic.
  
• One also basically called me a slur lol
  
• Generally speaking every therapist judges your entire brain based off a split second impression. It's impossible to know a person after a couple hours, yet therapists feel confident in making judgements on your brain and personality after that time.
  
• Getting three completely different explanations from three different psychiatrists about the same diagnosis.
  
• I've had therapists claim that certain events in my life were "traumatic", despite the fact that they have not affected me in the slightest, and focus on that instead of my actual problems. Obviously they know better than me because they are therapists.
  
• I've had multiple therapists start crying mid-session and make it about their feelings instead. Thank God I didn't pay for that shit.
  
• Psychiatrists try to get you to trust them and then betray you by placing you in a hold whenever you mention being suicidal
  
• I've had social services send a fucking email to my parents after I reported child abuse, it's almost funny in a morbid way.
  

I'm an adult now and I've decided I'll never see a psychiatrist again. I'm done with this shit.

Opinion Opinion When desegregation came to Harlan County, U.S.A.: An oral history

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2024/05/28/desegregation-brown-v-board-harlan-county/
What was gained, and what was lost, in the words of those who lived through it.
By Karida L. BrownMay 28, 2024 at 6:00 a.m. EDTA teacher sits with students outside Lynch Colored Public School, circa 1950. (Courtesy of EKAAMP Collection)ShareComment0Add to your saved storiesSave
Karida L. Brown is a professor of sociology at Emory University and the author of “Gone Home: Race and Roots Through Appalachia.”
As we commemorate the 70th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education this month, let us not forget: It was Black children who did the work of desegregating our schools. Like soldiers conscripted onto a battlefield, these kids were thrust onto the front lines of the American struggle to live up to our nation’s founding creed.
It was not until I was in my late 20s that my parents shared their experiences as children of desegregation. They attended the Lynch Colored Public School, a K-12 school in a company coal town in Harlan County, Ky. They grew up in a time of industrial boom and economic prosperity. But they were still subject to the racist architecture of Jim Crow, including legally mandated separate and unequal education.
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The narratives in this piece come from oral histories I conducted from 2013 to 2016 with African Americans who, like my parents, remember the “colored schools” of Harlan County, particularly those in two small Appalachian coal towns, Lynch and Benham. Their experiences — revisited from the vantage point of their 60s, 70s and 80s — give texture to a complex transition from a pre- to post-civil rights era.
Herein lies a story of painful losses and immeasurable gains. It is a crucial part of our history that must not be forgotten.

‘You better learn something’

Segregation was a fact of life in Harlan County. The close-knit African American community was bound by the strength of its large families, church gatherings and schools filled with dedicated Black teachers.
“These are two things they hammered into my head,” Victor Prinkleton recalled of his teachers at the Lynch Colored School. “You get an education because ... you are not going to be able to get no job in no coal mine, so you better get your education so you [can] get something to do.” As mechanization advanced in the mining industry, Black teachers encouraged their students to aspire to livelihoods different from those of their parents.
“Second was, you better learn something ... and learn how to compete in an integrated society, because segregation is going to end. ... From first grade all the way through high school I heard that, I don’t know how many times.”
Lynch Colored Public School faculty, circa 1950. (Courtesy of EKAAMP Collection)
Lee Arthur Jackson, a 1968 graduate of Lynch High School, the White school that would be desegregated, reflected on this nurturing environment: “They took an interest in what you were doing education-wise, and they saw to it that you were prepared.
“You know, when I came down to University of Kentucky, I was not afraid that I could not compete or anything like that,” Jackson said. “I mean, that just was not in my nature. And so I can do the same thing you’re doing. And that’s the way they prepared us: to be as good — better than — anybody else.”
Black educators were well aware of the changing tides, though change was slow to reach the county. Despite the thunderclap of Brown v. Board in 1954, resistance persisted. White school boards and communities across the South, including in Harlan, balked at the federal mandate, with many calling it “tyranny.” Desegregation did not arrive in Lynch and Benham until 1963.
Cheryl Baskin Brack remembers the moment she and her classmates learned that their world would change. John V. Coleman, the last principal of the Lynch Colored School, broke the news: “When Professor Coleman announced in the gym that that would be our last year, it felt like something stabbed me in my heart. Because I didn’t want to leave.”
Desegregation went forward under a cloud of caution and reluctance. Older students, grades 10 to 12, would go first. Meant to ease the concerns of White Harlanites, this gradual desegregation nonetheless met with resistance from White faculty, and generated profound hurt and anger among Black students.
“Sometimes I try to go back to that, and I’m not sure if I can remember — and that may be one of those kinds of things that you try to put out of your mind,” said Porter G. Peeples, who was sent to the White school in Lynch for his senior year of 1964. “Because it was something that I didn’t want to happen. All the way through high school, you look forward to the day when you’re the big dog, that you’re the senior. And they took that away from us, just flat took it away from us.
"I looked through one of the yearbooks, and I looked at a lot of the awards. ... They were all White kids in our senior year.”
“We were mad because they closed our school down and we had the newer building,” said Albert Harris, who had until then attended Benham Colored School. “So we were forced to go to their building and stuff, you know. So that part angered us, too.
“All the stuff, it just got thrown away. I remember I was with some of my boys, and we went and broke into the old colored school, and we took some of the trophies and the basketball warm-up pants. There were four of us, and we stole those and we would sport them [the pants] around and wear them. But yeah, they just did away with our stuff. So that was our anger in that.”

Crosscurrents of race and class

Harris, who would graduate from Cumberland High School, the White school in the next town over, also noted the economic impact of integration on the Black community: “You got to realize that we had our own school, so you had from principal, assistant principal, math, biology, science, all the way down to the janitors. So the majority of them lost their jobs, and it was the same way with Lynch: It was just a few teachers that maintained their jobs. The rest of them had to leave the area.”
“The teachers that I had all my life,” said Harriett Callaway Hillie, a 1959 graduate of Benham Colored School, “they no longer had a job there.”
The Black segregated schools were anchored by a profound dedication and tenacity among educators — a legacy deeply etched into the community fabric. In contrast, upon desegregation, Black students felt indifference from their White teachers.
Jack French, who desegregated Lynch High School his senior year as a part of the experimental cohort of Black students, observed: “Their mentality was, ‘These Black kids are here, we got to accept the fact that they are here, but I am not going to deal with it to the extent to which it is beneficial to the school.’ To me, that was their mentality. And I watched and observed a great deal of the teachers, because when I came in, it was nothing but all White teachers — that’s all.”
“To me, when we integrated it seemed like the teachers, the White teachers, they didn’t care whether we learned or not,” said Brack. “They were just there, and that was it.”
Ravern Whitt, who integrated the White school in Cumberland in sixth grade, discovered resilience and unexpected revelations about racial and class dynamics: “We had a background from the Black school. I honestly say this with all my heart: They gave us a foundation that learning was everything. So it didn’t matter if I was in school with White people talking about me. I didn’t care. But I wanted to know … what they meant. What made them so different to everybody else? …
“We all thought White people, all of them were well-to-do, all better off than we were. Well, as time went on, we started running into people that didn’t mind telling you how poor they were and the different things they had to deal with and their environment, you know. And I began to see a different class of people among themselves — White people — as we went through school, especially freshmen in high school. There were people in there that didn’t have it like the rest of the White people, and they seemed to be attracted to the Black people, for some reason. ... But that was an eye-opening moment for me because before, I wondered why White people didn’t want to play with us.”
In time, Brack’s fears about academic preparedness gave way to a surprising realization: “And I tell you, the funny thing about that, when we integrated, I was kind of afraid because, see, we always got the books that they had. They had sent us the leftovers. And when we integrated, I was kind of nervous because I thought that we were not going to be prepared like the Whites. But when I got out there, it was totally different. I was surprised: We know more than some of them!”

‘As good as and better than’

Clara Clements, a graduate of Lynch Colored School who went on to teach at Black and White schools in the town — before and after desegregation — remembers the initial optimism: “When they were talking about their integration, there were many people who were excited about it: ‘Our children can get a better education.’ I remember this vividly. ‘They can take chemistry so they can be nurses and doctors,’ and when they got an opportunity to take chemistry, I went down there and took chemistry voluntarily.
“But we lost [the Black teachers who] had interest in children.”
Vergie Mason, a former teacher at Lynch Colored School, shared a mixed reflection on the tangible improvements that came with integration: “I know in Lynch we got hand-me-down books. The White school used the books, and then we got them and we paid for all of our supplies — the teachers paid for them. When we integrated, we got new books. … I got all the paper I wanted for typing — you know, the reams of paper you print your exams and things on. Everything was paid for. …
“But I think really that in the Black school, Black teachers understood the Black kids, and I think that made a difference with the Black kids. When they integrated, some of those White teachers didn’t know anything about the life and livelihood of Black people. And I don’t think they were as patient with them as the Black teachers were.”
Teachers chaperoning a dance at Lynch Colored Public School, circa 1950. (Courtesy of EKAAMP Collection)
Rosie Ivory Pettygrue, who taught third grade at the Lynch Colored School until its closing, captured the poignant revelations of self-worth and equality that emerged from the integration experience. “We lost and we gained,” she said. “This is how we gained: I think that some of our children thought that they were inferior to Whites, and they found out that they knew more than a lot of them did. And then some of the Whites thought that we were inferior, and they found out that we knew more than what a lot of them did.”
Charles Price, a former teacher and the last principal at Benham Colored School, points to the broader cultural costs and psychological benefits of Brown: “The cost, I think, was the community. … It dissolved, and there was sort of an acclimation to the people, and we sort of lost our identity. The benefits were, I think, more psychological than anything. We learned that we were as good as and better than.”
All archival materials featured here can be found in the Eastern Kentucky African American Migration Project Collection No. 5585, Southern Historical Collection, Wilson Special Collections Library, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.When desegregation came to Harlan County, U.S.A.: An oral history
What was gained, and what was lost, in the words of those who lived through it.

My mom: okay. shrug not a big deal ⭐️⭐️ (I felt kind of ignored of that she didn’t think this actually was a thing that affected me)
My dad: I thought [my sibling] was the only OCD person in the family but you’re a lot like him I think. Is that why you do well in school? ⭐️⭐️.5 (at least he’s curious. The fundamental misunderstanding hurts though)
My roommate: i don’t think you have that. You’re probably just autistic ⭐️(I’m not autistic. I checked)
My sister in law: oh, I recently got diagnosed with ptsd but that’s also a secret so shhhhh ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 (she was chill)
My new roommate: oh my sister has that. If something ever bothers you because it’s not symmetrical or something and you need me to fix it just tell me and I will ⭐️⭐️(I’m more “afraid of knives” ocd than “perfectionist” ocd)
Friend 1: I love you darling but this is the least surprising thing you’ve ever said in your life ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (it was funny and she was right)
Friend 2: I’m glad you can take this semester to go to therapy and work on it before clinicals. Also no body is getting Cdiff on your watch ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (supportive af and funny. I also appreciated how they didn’t imply I couldn’t be a nurse because of it)
Friend 3: I’m not very familiar with OCD but I think what you have is closer to a specific phobia because you do compulsions to calm the anxiety and not just for the sake of it ⭐️⭐️ (uneducated take and didn’t ask for a diagnosis from him but he was willing to learn and he knows better now)
Friend 4: Honestly I see it ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 (tough but fair)
The mom of friend 3: that’s a lot to handle but I love you for you and now you have a name for some thought patterns ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (love her. Great response and I felt cared for)
Me to my therapist of one year : wait so like you think I have OCD? Oh boy ok. How long have you thought this? ⭐️⭐️ (he knew after talking to you for an hour. You’re just dense)

You said on your recent story “I don’t care if there are minors watching my videos. they aren’t my kids I don’t parent them” yet you call yourself “mom” and say these minors are your “tik tok daughters” so I still don’t understand how it’s ok for you to be so open about your sex life with minors that you view as your children? You are such a judgmental cunt it’s sickening. You get mad at us for talking about your body, but you do the SAME THING. You trash talk any pretty girl that joins zks live. Picking apart their bodies. Talking about how they wear bikinis and it’s not “godly” of them. But there you are, FYP, in your Walmart special with your nasty bits and giblets hanging out (if you’re jealous, just say so babe 😙😉) You body shamed Chloe Gibson, you judged one of your ex friends for having an OF and had negative things to say about her and her body. You fat shamed Lynnzee and said she never had a chance with zk because of her looks. But it’s ok for you to blast videos of your body on your platform. Rubbing your roach invested coochie all over Ethan. I still firmly believe you are a predator and you groom these young adults. The people you become friends with, are so brainwashed it’s disgusting. You coach them on what to say, and if they don’t follow the rules step by step, you block them and then trash their name on tik tok live. Not ONCE have you EVER taken accountability for the things you do. I find it SO funny that there’s a common theme with you. Oh and let’s briefly talk about William. All you talk about is how horrible of a husband he was and how he “permanently” disabled you. I call BULLSHIT cause your ugly ass is still able to get up out of bed AND your best friends with him! I would NEVER sit myself between my abuser and my current boyfriend, just like you did on live this past Sunday. Are you gonna do the same to Ethan when he finally has enough and walks out on you? You become friends with someone, you have a falling out and then that ex friend comes forward and tells the truth on their experience being friends with you. It’s a never ending cycle. You think everyone just hates you and you’re this perfect little angel God UNFORTUNATELY placed on this earth. You disgust me Stephanie. I cannot stand the shit you say. I cannot stand the way you treat people and the way you take advantage of them. And to Mikaila, Crystal, Christina, Mattie, “Cheesecake”, Sheila, Seira and any other adult female/mother that supports her, you’re just as bad and I hope your children leave you high and dry in a nursing home one day. All of you are sick in the head for sucking barbs ass and allowing this behavior. Sure, I can block you. But what good is that? I will never stop snarking on you. I cannot wait for more people to come forward and speak about how horrible of a person you are. I hope your relationship fails. Maybe you’ll get broken heart syndrome again🤪☹️ Ethan, I hope your family is able to get through to you and get you away from this mess. You’re young. You don’t need an old lady who sits online still obsessing over another guy. You don’t need an old lady who is old enough to be your mother. You can find better and you will find better. We’re just getting started.💋🍫✝️💕🥰💖

if you read any of this, thank you. please give honest opinions and criticism. this turned into more of a broken record rant than a question, scroll all the way down for tldr
really sorry this is insanely long theres alot of details and im just still really upset and repetitive.
my mom has always been supportive and has tried to help me since the beginning thank god. i began questioning at 11, came out at 12 officially (very young, i know :/). in an attempt to please/appeal to my doctors/therapists, i waited until i was 14 before i actually asked to start testosterone (i would try to discuss future plans but they were always brushed off or ignored). my doctor vaguely said in the beginning of my transition that there was no reason for me to be on blockers, because i was "fully developed" puberty wise. i was 12, i was not fully developed. she wouldnt have let me take blockers either way, she talked about it like i was asking about unicorns in fairyland, so that was either incompetence or a lie. went through ages 12 to 14 going to a therapist (whos job was to help queer youth) who would refuse to talk about actual plans for testosterone. she would poke into issues in my life that i wasnt even thinking about at the time, literally making issues i already came to terms with into issues again. in response to when id ask "so is there like a timeframe i could have when i can begin hormone therapy?" the excuse every time was "[you're too angry to start hormone therapy" so she said i needed to treat my "anger" before even talking about t. i was being treated primarily for depression, i didnt have anger problems, i would get pissy when her and my literal DOCTOR would NOT listen to me. yeah i'd imagine anyone would be angry during therapy when the therapist is telling you you SHOULD be angry about traumas youve already worked out - then them being like "yup this is what we're talking about you're angry!" it felt antagonizing. it really felt like my therapist was just shit at her job and thought she knew what was "really bothering me" when all she was doing was trying to get me to talk about shit i was not ready to talk about/didnt even need to. i stopped seeing her i think before i turned 15 and stopped therapy altogether when i realized this wont help me start hormones (when that was what they fucking specialized in) i stopped taking my antidepressants bc they made me depressed and worsened everything ontop of how mad my doc and therapist made me. every time i would go to my doctotherapist in the past to talk about real gender affirming care or hormones i would either be told i need to "treat my anger problems first", or just completely not answering my questions about the future. my therapist's version of "gender affirming care" was practically forcing me talk about my sexual assault/parent abandonment/everything shitty in my life that i've already settled with and giving fucking insulting ass "affirmations" that genuinely felt like "zoemgee ur such an uwu handsome brave trans boy u can do whatevar u want even if ur trans !! poochie poopoo mimimi:333" it was embarrassing and pissed me off so much. i've never been really openly trans, i've always masked as much as possible (i never passed at all until recently unfortunately) and one of her weird quests she gave me that would "help me be comfortable with myself" was wearing a fucking trans flag as a cape in public. that might work for other people, but when im saying i dont ever want to do shit like that, leave it there and dont push at all. i didnt do it but the suggestion made me mad when she knew that wasnt anything id want to do publicly or ever. thats kinda it with the therapist. i started thinking something was wrong with me because i would go to my doctor to talk about gender affirming care, and then she'd start talking about school. i understand wanting me to get myself real education (i ruined that for myself) bc its essential for human beings or whatever, but you not hearing me when im saying these pills your having me take are making me want to die does not fucking help my already fucked school situation. like i started questioning my sanity and not knowing if i actually said what i thought i said (if that makes sense lol). one of the only times she ever actually said the word testosterone to me she fucking lied to my face and said "nobody can do that until they turn 18" and i was pissed. i was like "ermm that isnt true you can with parental permission" she said "no you cant" and changed the topic. one of the last times i ever saw her i genuinely wanted to fucking punch her. i went there to talk about hormones, i was 16, i had been talking about really starting t for 2+ years and asking for gender affirming care for 4+, she refuses to talk about it and changes the subject when i ask. i dont remember exactly what i said but i was going fucking insane in my head i said something like "did i not just ask about testosterone like i have been every time i come here" and she fucking said all annoyed "what are you even doing here then." FOR FUCKING HORMONES. YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH. sorry. i refused to see her again after that to my mom and i thought going on t was hopeless,i had basically given up, but she was still my doctor. bc thats what you do to get prescribed t under 18 (at least where i live), you get a referral from your doctor with parental consent. also this is very important this made me so fucking mad, when my doctor would refuse to talk about t, she would SEND ME TO MED DOCTORS. it was fucking embarassing. imagine being sent to like three different doctors who you think might have a sliver of connection to starting t, then you realize your doctor is just trying to up your shitty meds again/put you on another pill, getting someone else to try to convince you to.
i want to thank the woman who told my mom where to go.my mom was up state at another doctor for my brothers, and idk how they got on the subject but this woman in another department tells my mom after hearing about me "okay so this isnt my job to tell you this, but you need to take [my name] to [doctors name/gender clinic], his doctor will refer him, they'll help you out!" and my mom was shocked cause we had never even heard of the clinic. my doctor gave me the impression that the folks who do hormone treatment were local, and that i just couldnt do it. my mom said "his doctor wont do it" and the woman said "but she has to." i want to tell her thank you so bad bc that was all we needed. before i filed for a new doctor,my old one had to get a final fuck you in there right before i dropped myself as a patient. after awhile of not seeing her i went one last time with all the information i needed, i literally brought the referral she shouldve given me to her. i thought this was it, theres no way she can fuck me over this time, im fucking showing her where to send me, she CANT say no. and from what i remember, she said yes she'd do it. i remember asking her to promise me she would. my mom was there, we gave her all the info, we watched her do something on her computer and she said she did it. i was like no fucking way finally she did it thats all it took? i think i was just about to turn 17, me and my mom were so relieved after so much fucking workaround and brushing off. i wait several months for a virtual appointment with someone from the gender clinic, thinking this is it, this is the guy who will prescribe me t. dude specialized in adhd and didnt even know i was trying to get on hormones. went through like 30 minutes of him explaining what he does and i was literally fucking speechless in shock. my mom had to speak up bc our minds were both blown apart and she says "uh.. i'm sorry, is this appointment not about hormone therapy?" and he was like what the hell are you talking about. i was fucking shattered. dude was just doing his job he did nothing wrong, but the fucking audacity of my doctor to make me wait MONTHS when you PROMISED ME you would refer me to SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP WITH HORMONES. HOLY FUCK. after that shit i immediately filed for a new doctor and independently contacted the clinic to start the process, i fucking hate that stupid bitch. i was about to turn 18, it had been almost 4 years of blatant refusal and 6 years of not fucking listening to me. we literally drove across state just to see the team at the clinic in person bc i was SO SURE i'd be turned down somehow and wanted to make a good impression. we're at the clinic, doctors are talking to me and they're all kinda confused as to why we're there in person, it couldve been virtual but im glad we went. i tell them how long ive been out and how long ive wanted to be on t for, and theyre confused why its taken this long. they said i could have started t years ago. that broke me. i feel like my doctor made a deliberate sabotage against my transition. after so long of feeling crazy it hit me like a fucking truck when these people i was supposed to be referred to years ago say "why would you wait this long if youve wanted treatment for awhile?" hearing that hurt in the moment but they just didnt have the full context yet. when they said that i kinda broke down and confusedly explained the blatant refusal/behavior of my past doctor, they all agreed that doctors cannot do that and apologized. they almost seemed like they didnt believe me from how confused they were, but they were very understanding and said that changes now. i went home after signing paperwork, the prescription process started(they said it'd take a few months), got assigned a new doctor, and after a few annoying but understandable hiccups i was finally prescribed t awhile after my first visit with my new doctor, at this point i've been 18 and don't need parental consent for anything. when i met her i cried a bit in the car after. i finally knew i wasnt just being crazy, and this is how a doctor does her job. i went there expecting to not be listened to about t from her and just get mental health stuff in process, then had to keep myself from crying from her just treating me like a patient when she listened to what i needed. after awhile of talking i mentioned t briefly, and she said something like "oh we can get that in faster with my referral, i dont specialize in that field but i'll get the letter sent in and it'll be prescribed sooner." thats what should have happened years ago. how hard was that. it felt like a fucking cakewalk compared to my past medical experiences, she treated me like a human being. me and my mom both had my old shitty doctor as our primary, we dropped ourselves as patients around the same time, then both got assigned to the same new doctor who does her job, and we both agree that shes so much better at her job than the old one. the old doctor literally denied that my mom had carpel tunnel several years ago, she had to get surgery on both hands. thats fucking horrible. ive never been against medication, i've been on an antidepressant for a bit over a month and its too soon to know if it actually helps, but it doesnt make me want to kill myself or be depressed. it lets me cry in a healthy way. and if it doesnt work, my new doctor would listen. the old doctor also treated my mom like shit and she was in denial about it and thats worse than anything else she's done.
reasons i think my doctor was deliberate and not just stupid (reiterations of shit i already said you can skip):
the nurse who would see me before my doctor tried as hard as she could to not even address me after i came out. she would say my name when she absolutely had to which i respected, but it was literally like she wretched every time she had to say my name. she didnt call me she though, she refused to use any pronouns at all which i found kinda funny. it sounded like she was talking to an alien. the first appointment after i came out, the nurse told my mom while i was out of the room something along the lines of "so are we entertaining the [my name] thing?" and when my mom was like "uh yes? what are you talking about?" the nurse was like shocked that my mom wasnt like "lmao hell no" which i took as blatant transphobia but whatever. i know for a fact if my mom wasnt supportive they would have called me by my old name. after that my doctor did start calling me my name, sometimes weirdly condescendingly though lmao. a quick fucking google search can prove you dont have to be 18 for hormone therapy with parental consent. literally one ear and out the other every appointment. it gave me issues with feeling like idk what im saying. me: "hey ive been talking about t for awhile can we-" my doc: "so hows school egeheheggeg" i would give the same answer every time she asked about school, "bad". its not getting better and wont get better if you keep sounding like a fucking broken record. (school did not get better) would SEND ME TO MED DOCTORS when i ask for t. i went to a virtual appointment with a woman talking about pills thinking maybe she can prescribe t(i went to several useless appointments with her) then when i ask about it i get put on anxiety meds that gave me fucking hives. "what are you even doing here then?" are you actually a fucking stupid bitch who cant do her job? what am i doing here? what have i been fucking talking about for EVERY appointment we've ever had for the past 5-6 years ? the meds you prescribed made me want to kill myself along with not being listened to by you and every appointment you basically say its my fault for not being on my meds, at least TALK to me about the CONCEPT of transition. fuck off.i understand wanting to treat me for depression with meds bc i was going through it at the time, but i was on a pill with opposite results and my doctor denied it. 80% of my internal issues stemmed from the fact i wasnt being listened to about what i wanted transition wise and with overall mental health treatment. i was already on the pill when i was asking about t at 14, and the excuse of "you need to be medicated and treated for anger" never changed before or after i stopped taking my meds. i stopped taking them bc of not being listened to and feeling crazy and they made me fucking depressed, maybe fucking listen to me and i will have a chance to get better. im not at all saying my doctor had to give me hormone therapy to treat my depression, its just her and nobody else seemed to understand why i even would want to take it. like it was a foreign element to them the medical field has never seen. it really felt like she made me feel stupid whenever i even brought it up. what part of "these pills dont really work" do you not fucking get. i started being in denial thinking it was a problem with me, it fucking wasnt you just put me on a pill that wasnt right for me and WOULDNT LISTEN when i say this shit makes me depressed. i stopped saying the meds didnt work bc she every time would basically be like "just keep at it!!!! yuhuhhguhhgh !!!" until i just stopped taking it. you as a doctor are supposed to listen when im saying the shit your doing isnt working and that i need different treatment.
two questions ive been asked: "why didnt you independantly contact the clinic years ago if your doctor wouldnt?" first of all thats literally her job to refer me. i didnt even know the clinic existed until i was almost 18. when we contacted the clinic, they literally said "just have your doc refer you".one of the only times she ever mentioned the concept of transition was a vague "they might do that kinda work around here but you cant do it until your 18 anway" so i thought hormone therapy could be done locally and that it was just being denied. bc i knew you dont have to be 18.
"if you were depressed/had anxiety then it makes sense for her to treat it with medication before starting t" she put me on the wrong pill and refused to accept it. she wanted to up the dose even more than she already did. she sent me to a med doctor who gave me meds that gave me hives. she was not treating me, if anything she was making shit worse chemically. also, out of literally every mentally ill person who has transitioned ive met, ive NEVER heard of a doctor denying treatment bc of their mental state, tell me if im wrong please.
lol this is unrelated but one time she was like doing a checkup or something and i had to do the thing where you bend over and they put the stethescope to ur lower back, she had me face my mom and literally said "cmon bend over for mommy" and bent me over. i was 16. idk if im just sensitive or something but what the fuck was that about lmao.
holy fuck this is longer than i thought my bad. theres probably still little details that matter left out. this still makes me really mad.
ive been on gel since early october 2023. i cried when i got my first box. the changes ive experienced give me a real feeling of being a man for the first time in my life. im trying to get top surgery now. even if its taken this long, alot of people start at 18 or even way later. i have alot of time, and even if i didnt get to transition when i wanted to, i can now. i can still be mad at my old doctotherapists though.
tldr doctor and therapists i had from ages under 12 to 17 refused to talk about or start hormone treatment/gender affirming care because of "anger and depression" they fueled from not listening to me and putting me on the wrong meds. is this malpractice or just an unfortunate string of dumb health workers? or is this my fault and im just not realizing?

So my husband and I got pregnant early in our relationship. I wasn’t supposed to be able to get pregnant but I was still on birth control to be safe. I met his step mother about a week after we found out I was pregnant. Let’s be clear he’s 27 and she’s only been in his life since he was 19. So she had no part in raising him. My step mom however has been in my life since I was 5 (I’m 34). She first found out I was pregnant over the phone (on speaker with me him and his dad in the room) she lectured him not realizing I was able to hear her. His dad told me to ignore her she just wants to give him grief. When I met her things seemed fine. She likes me blah blah. Throughout my pregnancy she kept telling me “stay off Reddit stop listening to all those other peoples stories cuz everyone is different” but would insist that I listen to all HER stories about the 3 pregnancies she had. I would say something was uncomfortable and she would resort back to when she was pregnant and tell me what she went through. I figured it was just to try to make me feel better. But I’m disabled with so many back issues it’s not even funny. But I brushed it off. Fast forward to my labor. I didn’t know I was in labor I thought it was a false alarm but I kept “leaking” and the last time I went to the bathroom to clean up there was blood so I texted her and she called me and told me to go to the hospital and said she’d be there soon. She knew that I wanted my parents to be on the list of visitors. I was only allowed 4 (husband included) so 3. The nurses said my father in law and her could be there till my parents got there then at least one had to leave. So we agreed they would both leave to give me and my parents time.
I am the only girl with 8 brothers. My parents live about 8 hours away. One brother has 4 kids but no relation to my step mom and doesn’t view my stepmom as their grandparent. So really this is her first grand child.
This is the first grandchild on my husbands side. His dad didn’t care too much to be at the hospital though. He seemed to really only be there for moral support. Which was nice. She told me that when a female is in labor she’s more of a drill sargant which is what I needed to be honest. I don’t like to be coddled. Not only for the whole day and half she was there was she coddling me telling me “just breathe” through my contractions she wouldn’t shut the f*** up. She talked the WHOLE time and she’s NOT quiet. She kept telling me to get some sleep but it was impossible. She ended up giving me a migraine while I was in labor and stressed out because both me and my son kept crashing. I eventually told her go home get some rest you’re tired but her response was “I’m not leaving until your parents get here” like I’m a child. Anyways my parents get there and she leaves FINALLY they could see why my head hurt and hadn’t slept cuz they saw how loud and obnoxious she was. That night I had my beautiful baby boy via c section after over an hour of pushing with no progress. My husband texted his dad to tell him assuming that his dad would tell step mom. But I guess he didn’t. I posted it on Facebook the next morning. I was still tired and sore and overwhelmed. I then get a text from step mother in law furious I didn’t text her the second I had him. Apparently she cried and cried making it all about her. I ALMOST DIED ALONG WITH MY SON! This is NOT about you! My parents only knew cuz they were there. My bio mom called while I was in surgery but no one answered so she didn’t even know. Granted our relationship is very strained. Anyways FIL picks a fight with husband because of how upset MIL was.
Now fast forward 11 days. We’re home. I’m having trouble breast feeding cuz I had shingles on my left breast. So he’s being bottle fed. She comes to visit and decided I was feeding him wrong…..with a bottle….its not rocket science. She then starts lecturing me on how to be a mom. Honestly I tuned out most of that conversation. I was tired with a newborn baby and I was just staring at the pizza I had just gotten delivered cuz our best friend was over to visit with his godson.
A month after my son was born he was having some trouble pooping she IMMEDIATELY jumps to “give him juice” I tell her the Dr said formula or breast milk only right now she tells me to ignore what the Dr said and do it anyways. I tell her no. She continues to push me on it so I walk away.
I don’t believe in the cry it out method. It has never worked for my son. This woman has told me to put him in bed and let him cry until he stops. I tell her he’ll be crying for over an hour if I do that and she says “let him” uhhhhh no. Including when he was having seizures/breathe holding spells.
At one point she found out how hard it can be on me to get him to sleep. I have to stand and rock him to sleep sometimes I have to do basically squats or lunges to get him to sleep. She then tells me “just shake him like this. I did it with my son” and I’m talking violently shaking. I told her it won’t work just cuz I didn’t want to deal with argument that would occur if I said what I was thinking.
Btw she’s still pushing me to give him juice. He may be old enough now but as a personal decision I’m not. Not to mention he has acid reflux already.
Now for the most recent stuff. I’ve been giving him solids here and there. But mostly baby food and formula. He’s almost 10 months. The last 2 times she’s been with my son she has given him cake and ice cream the first time and a big ass chocolate chip cookie the second. All of which without my knowledge or consent. This last Saturday was the cookie. Along with one of the girls at the party (grad party for sis in law) trying to give him an airhead. Yes the candy. And mil just laughing about it. I yelled at her for the airhead and when I said no to the cookie she’s like “he’s fine” I wanted to slap her so hard. One of the girls there had said “he’s human it’s not going to kill him” while her twins (8 months) were munching on beef jerky. Btw to add the cake ice cream and cookie were all firsts she stole from us.
She’s constantly pulling the “I did it with my kids and they’re fine” card. I’m just so done. Talking to her will just cause problems. We live with fil and GMA in law. Step mil doesn’t live with us. Idk why it bothers me so much but when we pulled up to the grad party she just starts yelling “that’s MY grand baby!” Even my husband has said he’s not even her grandchild considering she’s only been in husbands life for 8 years.
We got my son a helmet for when he’s roaming certain places cuz he bonks his head a lot and she keeps lecturing me on that as well. “Let him hit his head it’s not going to hurt him”
Thank you for reading. I know this is long. And kinda all over the place. But I’ve been bottling this up for a while.