So long story short, I've been with this company since 2021. In summer 2023 my husband became really ill and I became his full time carer as well as working part time and 2 kids aged 4 and 8 (busy!)
In July husband had to stop working and we started claiming universal credit.
In November 2023 I had a break down and had to take November and December off sick. They gave me full pay as part of my contract.
In January 2024 I returned for a few weeks when my hubby got sepsis and was rushed to a specialist hospital (an hours drive from home) and had an above the knee amputation. As you can imagine this changed my life (and his and the kids) so my doctor signed me off work for January and February due to stress. My company paid me SSP for that time period.
But, at the beginning of February 2024 I could see my new life wouldn't fit in with work and they agreed so I gave my month's notice which was served as sick leave.
I received a leaver letter stating I would be paid on the 29th february my final wages and any deductions would be calculated and taken from that final wage. They also stated I accurred 16.35 hours of holiday.
Roll forward to 4th April and they state - ""Due to payroll cut off dates, you have been overpaid the amount of ££££. This is due to your sickness absence and overtaking your holiday entitlement.""
There is nothing in my contract stating they can take money back and certainly not once I've left. I'm also on benefits so a) can't pay & b) my benefits have been paid to my income so if I pay it back then I'm down on my UC payment for that month (if that makes sence). This company were nothing but unsympathetic to my family trauma and I don't really want to give them a penny.
What do I do here?

Hello! I got offered a job by a company and they offer partial help with relocation to Prague. But I still don't have many specifics about that. And before uprooting all my life I have some things to consider and I would really appreciate it if someone could answer some questions and help me understand how things work in Czech Republic (for context: I am originally from Italy but I have been living in the UK for the past 6 years so I really don't know how things work outside of these two countries to be honest)
How easy is it for foreigners to find a flat to rent in Prague? Also how is the living situation there? I know there's a bit of a housing crisi everywhere across Europe right now, so that's the part that really really worries. Right now where I am, my rent costs around €600 and then with the bills it goes up to about €820. Will it be possible to find something not more expensive then this in a city like Prague or maybe in one of the sourranding cities (I know capitals are always the most expensive)?
In the contract they are offering the equivalent to €1500 euros before tax. I was wondering if after tax this a livable salary in Prague. I looked up the avarege salaries on Google but I really have no idea of how much life costs there. Beside in my experience from Italy and the UK no actual average person has ever been paid the "official average salary" cause the average always gets pushed up by the people who earn more if you see what I mean. So I have issues trusting Google on that and I would much rather hear something from local people.
Also, I am in the process of learning the language through language apps and stuff. But it's still at a very begginer level. Will I be able to manage with just English in Prague for at least the first few months? Of course I hoping that once I am there I'd be able to take actual classes, but you know in the meantime I'll probably only be able to have conversations in English.
Finally, is the healthcare system private or public? Just asking cause on Wikipedia it says that there are certain fees and insurances to pay, and the insurance comes from the employer (at least that's how I understand it). How much does the healthcare really cost? Is it like in the US?
I know these are a lot of questions, sorry but as I said I'd rather hear it from actually people rather than just from Google.
Any help is appreciated! Thank you in advance!!

I ended up going to the ER this morning because I started having lots of cramping and pressure as well as spotting after work yesterday (around 3pm) and it was still happening this morning. I was moved to a new position at work yesterday that required me to lift up car bumpers (just the plastic pieces no other components but they are still pretty hefty) and noticed the cramping and pressure towards the end of my shift. While I was having light contractions while being monitored, they aren't progressing anything so they're more Braxton Hicks than anything.
Later on in the afternoon I went to my regular OB appointment and told them about my trip to the ER this morning due to cramping and bleeding.
My doctor gave me a lifting restriction for work as she thinks that was what aggravated my symptoms and wants to keep it from happening again, obviously. I currently work in an automotive factory as a temp (very close to being hired on) and I'm extremely worried about it now. I'm worried they will let me go as I'm "not able to perform all aspects of the job" due to the pregnancy. There's nothing there considered light duty except for a few office positions, but they are all full all the time.
So now I'm scared to turn in my paper because I'm worried about losing my job. We can't afford to pay our bills without both my husband and I working, but nor do I want to go into preterm labor because of it. I am so damn conflicted now.

I was in a minor accident a week or so ago. I was rear-ended by a work truck that needed to file a report for the company. (It was extremely minor. Some paint transfer, but no injuries and no airbag deployment, etc. If you've never seen my car before, you'd never know. My car is fine.) The officer on scene let me know I wasn't required to report the accident as it was under the legal threshold for damages, and since it would have only resulted in a higher deductible for me with no repayment for damage, I didn't report it to my insurance company. I kept the original report and insurance details just in case, but didn't do anything with them.
I just got a letter in the mail from the insurance adjuster for the other driver, and I'm unsure how to approach it. I was always told not to talk to lawyers without another lawyer present, and I'm worried if I reply back I would somehow get myself in trouble. I feel like talking to a claims adjuster might do the same. I want to not respond - I'm exhausted at the best of times and barely can manage life as it is - but I'm also worried I would jeopardize myself for failing to respond. If you can help talk me through this, dad, I'm really lost and this is completely unfamiliar to me.

I got to thinking the other day about how insurance companies make their money since I had a bunch of medical stuff happen last year and it cost a fortune but was fortunately covered by insurance. I’ve only paid around three thousand total for insurance over the past years of my life and my bills came around 25 to 30 thousand all said and done. I know almost every person I work with or talk with that they have had insurance cover more than they have ever paid just to have it.
Is insurance just a pool of money that everyone pays into and it gets distributed? That of course is a drastic oversimplification of what I’m sure is a hugely complex business model. Is the system reliant on people who pay for insurance and never really use it? I completely understand that I have a small selection group but with most people having coverage higher than their input, how do they turn a profit each year? I’m assuming there is probably a lot of back and forth with the government and pharma companies. I also see plenty of health incentives and programs from the insurance companies so it does seem like they want you to be completely healthy so you don’t need to use them.
(I’d like this not to turn into a bashing of insurance, healthcare, or any workers in those fields. Just wanted to see how it works behind the scenes.)

A thread for new collectors to ask basic questions of the community.
Frequently Asked Questions below!
A longer version of the subreddit rules is here.
For questions specifically concerning bootlegs or vendor legitimacy, please ask in the Bootleg Megathread.
NSFW & Spoiler Guidelines

• For Self Posts: include a bolded NSFW note next to links in that post.
• For Links to sites/images: If the figure is NSFW, or the website has any NSFW content (including ads) be sure to tag your post NSFW and use the appropriate link flair.

Bootlegs
Any collection posts containing bootlegs, comments advocating buying bootlegs, or links to sites selling bootlegs, recasts, or unlicensed merchandise will be removed.
People often ask about the legitimacy and/or safety of a number of websites which sell large resin statues. The more commonly-asked of those deal primarily in resins from studios which do not have a license from the Japanese IP holders to produce merchandise. Therefore links to those sites are not permitted here. Another sign is if MyFigureCollection doesn't list the either the statue, its manufacturer, or the shop it's being sold on.
MyFigureCollection
My Figure Collection is like MyAnimeList... but for figures! Their database includes thousands of items which been produced during the last couple of decades, along with reviews of shops and other helpful articles. One can also list their own collection and post gallery photos.
Shops

Retailers:
AmiAmi HobbySearch Mandarake (sells rare figures) Good Smile Company Online Shop (often has exclusives) Good Smile Company US shop Crunchyroll Store Hobby Link Japan (aka HLJ) Solaris Japan (MFC partner) BigBadToyStore (MFC partner, US retailer) Big in Japan (also has proxy service) Tokyo Otaku Mode FigureHaven Archonia (EU) Yorokonde (EU) Figuya (EU) Gamersheek (UK) Jungle
List of retailers on MFC
/AnimeFigures' List of Retailers
Community Guide to Shopping in Japan

Blogs/News:

Nekomagic (News/Previews) NyaaFigurines (Reviews/Releases) Kahotan's Blog (News/Reviews) Figma Blog (JP)

Buying & Shipping

1. What’s the best place to buy my anime figures from?
That’s going to depend a lot on what works for you, but most people around here buy them from Amiami, Big in Japan, Hobby Search, HobbyLink Japan, or Tokyo Otaku Mode. If none of those work for you for whatever reason, there’s a list of reputable retailers in the sidebar that you can check out at any time. Be extra careful when ordering figures from websites like Amazon or ebay, as there are a lot of bootlegs on those sites. Don’t be afraid to ask in our Bootleg Megathread if you’re unsure.
2. What differences are there between the shipping options I get from most Japanese shops?
Below is a rundown of the main shipping choices you’ll get at most retailers. Keep in mind that if an order is large enough you will be forced to use one of the more expensive options, as SAL shipments have lower size and weight restrictions.

• Unregistered SAL: Sometimes referred to as uSAL, is usually the cheapest method. It does not come with any tracking or insurance. Usually takes up 2-4 weeks for delivery.
• Registered SAL: Sometimes referred to as rSAL, is insured for the declared value up to 6,000 yen. It comes with a tracking number and usually takes 2-4 weeks for delivery.
• EMS: This method of shipping is much faster than either SAL options, usually arriving within a week of shipment. EMS shipments are insured for the declared value up to 2,000,000 yen.
• Airmail
• E-packet
• Surface: Shops don't offer this very often. It's an actual cargo ship and slow as a result.
  
• DHL: Becoming more available as an alternative to EMS on AmiAmi and other sites. Can be less expensive than EMS and of comparable speed, but may be more reliant on the specific geographical area being shipped to. The price is also determined by the size of the box. Offers their own tracking.
  

3. I placed two+ orders for figures at different times. Will my items be shipped together, or will I have to pay shipping twice?
Most shops will ask you to pay shipping on a per-order basis, but here are some that will allow combined shipping:

• Amiami: You can combine orders here, as long as the orders ship in the same month. It doesn’t matter if the item is new or preowned. Any preorders that are set for that month can also be combined with other orders for that month. However, be aware that if the preorder gets delayed, Amiami will remove that item from that month’s shipment and place it on a new order. To combine orders on Amiami, use the “Combine Orders” feature under “My Account”.
  
• Hobby Search: Hobby Search will let you combine orders that release in the same month, but you cannot combine in stock items with preorders. If you want to combine multiple preorders, or multiple in stock items, you can do so using the “Order Recombination” feature on your account page.
  
• HobbyLink Japan: At HLJ, you have the option to send paid orders to their “Private Warehouse”, where you can store them for up to 2 months. When you’re ready to ship the items, you simply select which items to ship and HLJ will combine them into one shipment for you. To use this, just select the “Private Warehouse” option as shipping when you order.
  

If you’re unsure about whether or not a shop we haven’t listed will combine your orders, please refer to their individual FAQs.
4. When will I get charged for my preorder?
Most Japanese shops charge you once the item is in stock and ready for shipment. When that happens, they will send you an email asking for payment. Some shops (mostly overseas ones), will allow you to pay for the item up front though, if you’d like. A few with that option are:

• Big in Japan (Japanese store)
• Tokyo Otaku Mode
• Anime Island
• Crunchyroll

Keep in mind that overseas stores will likely get the figure a few months after Japanese ones, so pay attention to the release date stated on the website you are buying from so as to avoid that confusion.
5. Should I expect to pay customs fees when importing figures?
That depends on where you live. Here’s a quick rundown:

• Australia: 10% GST is now assessed up front.
• Canada: Minimum declared value for charges is around CAD$20 for regular shipments, and CAD$60 for gifts (gifting something only seems to lower the declared value by about CAD$40, not deplete it completely). When using Amiami, try their Small Air Packet option. It comes with tracking, gets there in about the same time as EMS, and is better at avoiding customs.
• European Union: As of 1st July 2021, VAT has to be paid on all goods imported from outside of the EU. Retailers are supposed charge VAT for purchases under €150, however many Japanese retailers currently do not, so VAT will be charged when your order arrives in the EU. Orders that are >€150, VAT and duty will be charged by your local customs.
• UK: As of 1st January 2021, VAT is to be charged by retailers for orders <£135. However, customs isn't currently charging VAT on parcels valued at <£135, even if the VAT hasn't been paid. Goods >£135 will have their VAT and duty calculated and charged by customs.
• Mexico: Minimum declared value for customs fees is USD$300 for shipments by post, and USD$50 for shipments by courier.
• United States: A shipment has to have a declared value of USD$2,000 before customs starts hitting you with fees, so you most likely won’t have to worry about them at all.

6. The figure I want is an exclusive, how do I go about ordering one outside of Japan?
You have three options for this:
A. Big in Japan is known to stock exclusive figures and ship to other countries. Usually the price is higher because they build in their proxy fees, but it’s easier than worrying about using a forwarder or proxy service. If you live in the US, Crunchyroll, Right Stuf, and Tokyo Otaku Mode also get exclusives sometimes, but out of the states the shipping can get expensive.
B. Forwarding Services: A forwarder is someone who you ship an exclusive item to so that they can forward the package on to you, usually for a flat fee + shipping. When using a forwarder you still make the purchase yourself, and enter their address into the shipping field. When the box arrives at the forwarder they will then stick your address onto the package and send it on its way.
Some popular forwarders are:

• Big in Japan
• Tenso

Be sure to read each sites instructions on forwarding carefully!
C. Proxy Services: With a proxy, you tell them what the item you’re looking for is and they will purchase it in your stead. This is handy for when a company doesn’t accept foreign credit cards, or you’re having trouble navigating a Japanese website.
Some popular proxies are:

• Big in Japan (Won’t proxy for Yahoo Auctions)
• From Japan

Again, be sure you thoroughly read through each sites proxy instructions.
7. I see a bunch of really cheap figures that ship from China on ebay. Are those okay to buy?
Generally, no. They’re most likely bootlegs. If you want a second opinion on that, feel free to ask in the Bootleg Megathread that’s always stickied at the top of the sub.
8. What’s a bootleg, and how can I avoid buying them?
A bootleg is a counterfeit figure often made using rejected molds of the official product. They are usually priced significantly lower than the genuine article, and in order to make their profit, bootleggers use lower quality materials and have less attention to detail- resulting in a substandard figure.
The Bootleg Megathread that I mentioned in question 7 is a great tool to avoid buying any bootlegs. It has a few tips and tricks to avoiding them to begin with, and a few more on how to spot them if you’re worried you might already own one.
9. Does anyone know when figure X is going to be released? How do I know if it was delayed?
My Figure Collection (sometimes referred to as MFC) does an excellent job of staying on top of information like release dates and delays. If you’re curious about an upcoming figures release date, check there first. This information can be found directly under the “Releases” section on a figure’s entry. If you only see a month and a year in that section, it means the release date has not yet been announced by the manufacturer, and there is still a chance the figure could be delayed.
If you make an account on MFC you can also subscribe to comments, changes, and pictures via a checkbox on the right hand side of a figure’s listing. Subscribing to any of these things will allow MFC to send you an email anytime the subscription in question updates. Subscribing to “changes” is a great way to keep up with release dates and delays, among other things.
10. The figure I want is long sold out at normal retailers! What’s the best place to pick it up in the aftermarket?
A list of reputable retailers can be found under the “Shops” section of the /AnimeFigures sidebar. They all sell legitimate products, and many of them also sell figures second hand. However, the most frequently suggested second hand sites are Mandarake and Amiami- who has a preowned section that they update every night save Sundays and Japanese holidays around 1PM JST and again around 6PM JST.
AmiAmi grades their pre-owned items on a letter scale. The general consensus from buyers is that their ratings are conservative, so unless the item and/or packaging is specifically indicated as having significant flaws, pre-owned items from them are usually in at least as good a condition as their rating suggests.
Note: When you search Mandarake, you’ll get the best results by using the Japanese characters for whatever you are searching. If you don’t know them, you can find them on MFC by clicking on any of the “details” in that figure’s listing.
11. Amiami has a figure I’m interested in labeled as “For sale in Japan only”. Does this mean I can’t order it without a proxy or forwarder?
No, you can still order it. Amiami’s English site has that warning on many items, and it’s mostly meant to inform you that this product was made for a Japanese market, and as such, will have Japanese speaking/writing in it- so don’t expect any instructions to be in English. If Amiami doesn’t want foreigners buying a certain product, they won’t even list it on their English site.

Displaying Your Figures

12. What display cases do you recommend?
If you live near an Ikea try out one of these:

• Klingsbo
• Billy (Often used with Morliden doors (now the HÖGBO and glass shelves.)
• Detolf: Formerly the go-to choice for inexpensive display cabinetry, the Detolf was first made flimsier around 2020 and then essentially phased out of the name, to become the BLÅLIDEN. Knockoff versions of widely-varying quality are commonly found on other shopping sites these days, though.

*If you decided on a Detolf, you might find that there is a lot of wasted space. Here are a few tutorials on raising the shelves or and adding extra ones in.

• Using metal clips
• Using acrylic supports and PVC pipe

If you don’t live near an Ikea, Amazon has a few display options, though they are more expensive. Also keep an eye on your local Craigslist (or your country’s equivalent) and stores near you that are closing up.
13. What lighting do you guys recommend?
Ikea’s Dioder LED strips were discontinued after a long run. A current version is the Vattensten, if you're inclined to buy your case and lights at the same time.
LED strips have become very commonly available in recent years; most hardware and home furnishing stores carry a selection now. Just make sure that the lights don’t get too hot!
14. What are those clear plastic boxes that I see under everyone’s figures in their collection posts, and where can I get them?
Those are called risers. Most of us use standard acrylic risers like these. Some other, easy to find things that have been suggested are:

• Plastic picture cubes
• Card Deck Boxes
• If you’re feeling adventurous, try making your own!

Check your local hobby store for the first 2 options, or your local hardware store if you want to make your own.
Another common suggestion is to visit The Container Store if you have one near you. They have a lot of things to choose from that can suit a variety of needs. Be sure to check out their standard acrylic risers, their Amac boxes, and the various display cases they sell (baseball cases, mini car cases. hockey puck cases, etc).
15. Should I keep my figures sealed?
That is, of course, up to you really, but here are a few things to keep in mind when debating this question:

• Keeping it sealed can actually damage your figure. PVC figures usually have something called plasticizer in them, and that plasticizer needs to be able to breath. If a PVC figure isn’t exposed to oxygen, after a period of time the plasticizer starts to break down and form a sticky substance on the surface of the figure. Simply opening your figures and taking them out of the box prevents this from happening. If you happen to find plasticizer goo on one of your figures, Kahotan has a handy guide for dealing with it.
• Unlike some other figure markets, keeping an anime figure sealed won’t raise its value by a whole lot. In fact, because of the plasticizer problem mentioned above, your figure could actually be in better condition if you open it versus keeping it sealed.

Finding the Right Figure(s) for You

16. What are "scales" and "prizes"? What is the difference between them?
Those are classifications for figures based on a few factors.

• "Prizes" are generally more simply produced figures which are intended to be given as prizes for playing arcade games. They are inexpensive and lack the detail of scale figures, though some prize figure lines have standouts which may approach lower-end scales in quality. That is uncommon and often depends on the individual figure.
• "Scales" are called such because they are nominally designed to be proportional to the dimensions of the character which they are based on. They are generally of much better manufacture and materials than prize figures, allowing for more detail in painting, accessories, or complex poses.
• "Trading" figures appear in gashapon machines or as blind boxes on shop counters, often as sets which include multiple characters. As suggested by the class name, the randomness encourages trading. They are usually very inexpensively-produced, though as with prizes, some series are better than others.
• "Non-scale" encompasses a variety of other categories. It is often used to describe poseable figure lines such as figma and Nendoroids.

In recent years producers such as Good Smile Company attempted to further bridge the gap between prize quality and scales by introducing figure lines which are intended to be moderately-priced while retaining a higher level of detail than the typical prize figure, to varying levels of success.
17. There are so many figure companies! Who makes good figures?!
Obviously this is a very subjective question, but as a general starting point, here are a few well renowned figure companies:

• Alter
• Max Factory
• Good Smile Company
• Kotobukiya (usually hit or miss for people. Use your best judgement based off of the prototype)
• Flare
• Stronger

18. I really love “series X / character X”- how can I check if any figures were ever made for it?
My Figure Collection can be your best friend here. Simply do a search on the name of the series or character using the search bar located at the top right of the screen, and all associated figures pop up!
Alternatively, if you’re looking at a figure’s MFC entry, most of the text under the “Details” section can be clicked on and used to run a search.
19. How can I commission a custom figure?
None of the major figure companies (Alter, Kotobukiya, Good Smile Company, etc.) will take a commission for a single figure. This thread has a few websites in it that you can check out, or you can look into garage kits. Some kit painters would be willing to resculpt, frankenstein together, or otherwise modify kits for the right price.
If you're looking for help completing a garage kit, /brushforhire may be useful.

Keeping Up with New Announcements

20. How can I keep up with figure news (announcements, updates, etc.)?
Most people use a MFC combined with any or all of the following news sites:

• Neko Magic
• Alter’s Blog (In Japanese)
• Kahotan’s Blog (Only GSC and their sister companies)

Many figure companies are active on Twitter, so following them there is recommended for quicker news.
To use MFC for this I’ll quote question #9.

If you make an account on MFC you can also subscribe to comments, changes, and pictures via a checkbox on the right hand side of a figure’s listing. Subscribing to any of these things will allow MFC to send you an email anytime the subscription in question updates. Subscribing to “changes” is a great way to keep up with release dates and delays, among other things.

Most companies have one or more Twitter accounts. Some examples: Good Smile Company sales, Good Smile's USA branch, Max Factory, AmiAmi Hobby News.
21. Everyone’s excited about something called Wonfes….. what the heck is that?!
WonFes (short for Wonder Festival) is a biannual figure expo where many figure producers (both large and small) show off new sculpts and updates to figures already under way. Most companies save their most exciting announcements for WonFes, so we all look forward to the expo whenever it rolls around! Winter Wonder Festival is usually held in February, while Summer Wonder Festival is usually in July. The event has also spread to Shanghai, in the late spring.
22. One or two (or 15) figures were announced at WonFes that I’m really excited about! How can I keep track of their progress once the event is over?
MFC is always really quick about getting new WonFes announcements (or any others throughout the year, for that matter) listed in their database, so we suggest using that. To find a figure from the event you can search any number of things, including the name of the character or the name of the show. You can also use the tag search to search “WonderFestival 20xx_[season]” to see all items announced at that event.

I’m a super high anxiety person - clearly. I’ve been fully remote between two jobs for about four years - 3 with my current company. I can’t imagine life without it. I work mostly on BI / data analytics and have a masters in CS / undergrad in Management.
My current company is based in Florida. I moved here about 6 months before the lockdowns at the recommendation of my boss at the time. Anyways, I hate Florida. No family here, no friends, the climate is awful. I just hate it.
I sucked it up for 3 years because I was still new and I wanted to be ready in the event there was a mandate. Since then, I got promoted, joined a new team and love my job. It’s been at the cost of my mental health as I’ve hated being in FL so much. Last year, I asked my boss if I could move to a state to be closer to family. She was so nervous at first because it sounded like I was quitting. She was immediately saying yes I can go. She’s said often that she can’t lose me. I got approval from her and her boss. I move next month. My role is not client facing. No reason to be in person. I’m running SQL queries and building reports.
Meanwhile, new CEO. He’s very pro RTO. There’s been no mandate but in his near bi weekly town halls he expresses how much he loves in person work. It’s mostly required on a team by team basis. A lot of people are back 3x a week. Some 5x. And there’s no remote postings anymore, all hybrid or on-site. I read all this news about RTO coming full force. All remote work articles I read are propaganda funded by real estate companies. I see this stuff about Walmart and Dell just ruining the lives of so many remote workers and making them relocate to just some cities I’d really hate to live in. I see companies laying people off who won’t comply.
I feel lucky in a sense. My boss and her boss gave approval. We already have a remote team member as well in our small 5 person team - so there was precedent. Ive been told some higher ups really like me and the work I do, so I guess I have some strong support. I asked one more time a month ago before signing my lease if there was any risk in leaving and that this was the last chance, and my boss not only said I was good but that, in the event RTO became a thing; it’s best to leave now.”
My worry is really just the new company leadership. The new HR person. Those types. I worry in a year I’m an easy target, but I’m also in a team that is pretty essential. I’ve been reassured twice. But this is also a CEO taking our summer Fridays, doing layoffs we’ve never seen, etc. I never worked well in an office. I never used to sleep well out of constant fear of being late and already being an insomniac. Pet daycare bills and car bills alone would leave me with no disposable income. I am an introvert with no interest in office talk - I just want to do my job in peace, which I do well. I could never go back. You couldn’t pay me enough. Yet I’m still nervous, the news freaks me out. It feels like remote work is gone. I know there’s crackdowns but I know I could also be just working myself up on the landscape of remote work.
I feel like after all the reassurance, I shouldn’t be as worried but I am. I’m so excited to move and see my family again and reconnect with friends and be somewhere I love. But I also just feel this fear that remote work is gone and this could happen at any time. Probably overthinking it. I just hope given my background and the work I do, I’ll have options.
Sorry this is more of a vent than a question, guess I’m just wondering how badly I’m overthinking and maybe I should just be be happy and grateful in a landscape that’s been so nasty for others

My husband was in a car accident a few weeks ago where a woman (Driver A) hit him by turning into the right of way. There was another woman behind her (Driver B) who also decided to make the turn - I guess not paying attention either and thinking she was good since Driver A was good. Driver A hit my husband, Driver B ended up hitting Driver A.
The police were called and Driver A was found at fault for the accident and written up. This has already gone through my husband’s insurance and we’ve already received a settlement for the car (it was totaled).
Since then, he has received a letter from Driver B’s insurance requesting he provide information on the accident. Is he required to speak with them? I am concerned Driver B may be trying to go after my husband for their accident because at the scene they claimed it had to be my husband’s fault despite the police’s findings.
They figured if husband had avoided being hit by Driver A they wouldn’t have hit them, resulting in no accident.
We contacted husband’s insurance about the letter and they basically just said it’s just a formality and the other insurance company is just looking for more info. But they didn’t specify if we were required to respond or what the best course of action would be.

Hi all. Long-time BB sufferer here, having suffered for over 22 years (since 2002 at the age of 16 or 17). I am now turning 39 years old this later year.
Like many on here, I have explored countless routes to investigate the cause of my BB to try and cure it. I thought it came from my nose (post-nasal drip), my gut (acid reflux), allergies, and dry mouth. In the end, it was none of these things. Here are some things I had done while trying to cure my BB, based on what I thought were the causes:

• Sinuses/Allergies
  • Surgery: Nasal Polyp Removal
  • Surgery: Deviated Septum correction
  • Surgery: Nasal passage widening using balloon sinoplasty to widen nose and help breathe through nose
  • Nasal irrigation devices to wash sinus using baking soda/salt solution
  • Allergy Medications
  • Allergy Testing and Allergy Shots
• Gut
  • All Acid/PPI medications (omeprazole, pantaprozole, etc.)
  • Multiple stomach endoscopies
  • Silent Reflux (LPR) Test
  • Surgery: LINX implant - a titanium ring now permanently sits on my stomach/esophagus to prevent reflux.
  • Multiple H. Pylori Tests (negative of course)
• Dry Mouth
  • Tried dry mouth meds (salagen and evoxac)
  • Have spent thousands of dollars over the years on Dry Mouth lozenges from Biotene, ACT brand, etc.
  • Mouth covering tape to prevent mouth breathing
• Other Stuff
  • Antibiotics
  • Probiotic toothpaste
  • Essential oils
  • Chlorhexidine Mouthwash
  • Castille soap
  • Bleach and hydrogen peroxide
  • Several hundreds of dollars worth of oral probiotic lozenges found on Amazon
  • The list goes on. You name it, I've tried it.

Around last year, I came across an ad on social media for Bristle, for testing of the oral microbiome. The company said something that was really critical to my journey: that 90% of halitosis cases stem from the mouth and the oral microbiome. Because we BB sufferers are always so good with our oral hygeine regimens, it's natural for us to assume the cause is something else apart from the mouth, which is why we tend to investigate sinuses, gut issues, and so on. However, more likely than not, in over 9 out of 10 cases, it has to do with an imbalance of bacteria in the mouth.
I took the test, and discovered that I had really high levels of two or three halitosis-causing bacteria, that reside in the gum line: Fusobacterium Nucleatum, Prevotella Intermedia, and Tannerella Forsythia. In addition to this analysis, the Bristle team offered a treatment plan and recommended that I use SmartMouth Clinical Strength mouthwash for 2 weeks, and afterwards, repopulating with oral probiotics for several months, to try and change my oral microbiome over time. I tried using the SmartMouth mouthwash, and it helped somewhat for sure, but only temporarily. I knew that it was doing something, and ended up going off the deep end: spending hundreds of dollars more on SmartMouth mouthwash over the course of several months, because I became dependent on it to mask my BB enough for me to go out of the house.
After some further investigation, I came across a different oral microbiome test that was based out of Canada, called OraVital. Similar to Bristle, OraVital does a microbiome test via saliva, and comes back with results (which in my case, matched the same bacteria I had discovered in the Bristle test). However, additionally, they offer a 3 week antibiotic treatment plan (amoxicillin/metronidazole mouthwash and gum ointment), followed by chlorhexidine mouthwash. This was much stronger than what Bristle offered. I did the treatment, and it helped enormously when I was on it. However, sadly, the BB returned when I completed the antibiotic solutions. I was sad and defeated once again.
Next, I came across a third oral microbiome test, by a company called Viome, called the Oral Intelligence Test. This test does the saliva sample, but doesn't give you a list of the bacteria they find. However, they give you an oral probiotic lozenge that is supposed to be custom for you. I noticed the strength of the oral probiotic lozenge to be 30 billion CFU. This was a clue for me, because other probiotic lozenges that I came across online were only in the range of 3-6 billion CFU. The fact that this was 30 billion meant that more probiotic bacteria were needed to combat the problem.
I ended up taking the Viome oral probiotic lozenges for some time, but experienced only modest results. However, they did help somewhat with my morning breath when taken before bed. But the BB always came back.
Over the course of time, it dawned on me. This problem is more severe. It requires more effort to remove the bad bacteria, and more effort/strength to repopulate with good probiotic bacteria.
It was then that I had a revelation that made all the difference. Instead of relying on oral probiotic lozenges, with their relatively minimal strength, why not use extremely high doses? I resorted to trying probiotic powder instead of lozenges. The dosages in some of these powders was over 100 billion CFU per scoop.
The Bristle test indicated that the bad bacteria I have were sensitive to reuterin, which is produced by the probiotic L. Reuteri. I came across L. Reuteri powder on Amazon. Additionally, I came across L. Salivarius powder as well, which a probiotic that produces a compound called saliviricin that kills bad bacteria as well.

• L. Reuteri Powder: https://amzn.to/44LMcPx
• L. Salivarius Powder: https://amzn.to/3KnX64Z

I began taking these two powders in the mouth, mixed with a bit of water (only a little bit, so that they do not get diluted). I also use water because I feel like this helps the probiotics swish through the gum lines, which is where my bad bacteria resides. Within 1 week of doing this, multiple times a day, I noticed a massive improvement. I knew I was onto something, and something big. I continued to do this for a couple of weeks, and noticed my breath getting better and better over time. However, it was not completely eliminated. I figured it would just need to be something that I would use before I went out. However, I noticed the improvement to be getting progressively better after 3 weeks, and then 4.
One thing to note here is that, for the probiotic bacteria to have optimal effect, you need to clean your mouth and tongue before using them. I read in a scientific study that they found probiotics had a significantly higher benefit when used after tongue scraping/brushing. I use both a tongue brush and then a tongue scraper, before I do the probiotic rinse. I also do not eat or drink water for at least 30 min after rinsing.
Within weeks of doing this, I noticed the bad taste in my mouth was gone, when I tried to search for it. My perceived 'dry mouth' was gone, and my saliva flow had increased significantly. I always thought I had dry mouth, but I came across scientific articles online which suggested that the bad bacteria is what was actually causing that feeling. Bad bacteria change the pH of your mouth and cause that taste and feeling of dryness. They reduce salivary flow.
I was encouraged by the results, and I then started doing additional research. There were other healthy probiotic strains out there that were good for the oral microbiome and for combatting bad bacteria. One that I came across was Weissella Cibaria. This bacteria is naturally found in the mouth, and can colonize it. L. Reuteri and L. Salivarius, on the other hand, are just passing through the mouth and do not stay there. Therefore, they can help the oral microbiome by killing bad bacteria, but do not have a permanent residence there. If you don't have a solid presence of good bacteria in the mouth, the bad bacteria that is wiped out can grow back. This is what happens when we use antibiotics. Sure, they're able to kill off bad bacteria, but even the small remnants can multiply back rapidly if there are not enough good bacteria to outcompete it. To get Weissella Cibaria, I found an oral probiotic lozenge that has a patented form called OraCMU:

• Weissella Cibaria Lozenge: https://amzn.to/3UH6ULR

Additionally, Weissella Cibaria is also present in probiotic foods like Sauerkraut and Kimchi, but UNPASTEURIZED only (pasteurizing kills all beneficial bacteria). I switched my diet to high in soluble fiber and fermented foods on a DAILY basis. This includes apples, celery, carrots, sauerkraut, kimchi, and yogurt. I eat a big bowl of some of these foods mixed up, at least once a day, for lunch. I also incorporated fiber gummies to ensure I am getting the adequate amount of fiber the probiotics need to grow in the oral microbiome (they need a type of fiber called fructooligosaccharides to prosper and grow).
I have gotten really big into fermented foods. I am constantly on the hunt for fermented foods and will try to have them whenever and wherever I can, as much as I can. They're not the most appetizing, and can smell pretty bad, but they are working to permanently shift my oral microbiome over time. I even got a yogurt maker off Amazon and began making my OWN L. Reuteri yogurt using a starter culture, half and half, and fiber powder (inulin). This will help create a lasting effect to permanently alter my oral microbiome to prevent bad bacteria from ever coming back.
The role of probiotics in curing oral imbalance cannot be understated. I have read multiple studies relating to probiotic research regularly, which has only begun exploding in the scientific industry in recent years. This is a really exciting time. After years of very limited progress on fixing halitosis, it seems that probiotics is the solution to combating the issue. One thing to note is that it takes time to rearrange your oral microbiome. It didn't get this way overnight. Getting out of it is the same.
In addition to populating the mouth with good bacteria, it is EQUALLY important to keep up with a regimen to clear the mouth of the bad bacteria, which must be done regularly and in parallel with the probiotic regimen. Every morning and night, I do the following routine:

• Tongue brushing with a Tung brush or orabrush (and go as far back as you can go)
• Tongue scraping with a metal scraper (as far back as possible)
• Brushing with Nano-Hydroxyapatite toothpaste which is beneficial for oral pH, removing biofilms, and mineralizing teeth. Some brands I use are Carifree and Boka -- https://amzn.to/44NGRav
• Flossing. I use the REACH Floss Stick.
• Tongue Brushing/Scraping again.
• Probiotic routine. For mornings, I do the powder. For evenings, I just take a couple of lozenges. I take the Weissella one, and/or well a Viome one that I have leftover from my Viome subscription. I also take them randomly throughout the day.
• Occassionally, I will use the SmartMouth Clinicial version of mouthwash for a nice cleanse of bad bacteria. There is a regular version and a clinical version, the clinical one is much more effective -- https://amzn.to/3ULAvUE . It is important not to overdo this because it can disrupt the good bacteria as well in addition to the bad.

Also want to emphasize the absolute importance of going to the dentist for cleanings as many times as your insurance covers. For decades, I did not visit the dentist, going years on end without cleanings. These treatments are essential for breaking up biofilms and plaques of all the colonies of bad bacteria. If untreated over time, they become more resilient and grow rapidly. They build protective shells around their communities which allow them to grow rampant and overpower the good bacteria of the oral microbiome. It is critical to go, and have the calculus and plaque disrupted and removed. Even if you don't experience relief from one or two cleanings, it needs to be done. It is the progressive effect over time that will cure the condition. Removing bad bacteria overtime while populating with good bacteria -- a one-two punch.
And that's about it. That's where I'm at now, and I will continue doing this routine for the coming year, because I have seen in the past how resilient this bad bacteria is. My goal is to continue hammering it down with probiotics, and not just to wipe it to oblivion, but to build a healthy diverse microbiome of good bacteria that will prevent it from ever growing back and out of control again. I still experience halitophobia - the fear of bad breath and reactions - even though I don't experience any. My mouth is moist and sweet. My saliva is flowing. But the fear of a reaction is a psychological condition, because it is what I've known for 20+ years. I hope to be able to shake it off over time through many positive interactions.
Good luck to all and God Speed!

I, (18F) moved in with my boyfriend (19M) a couple of months after I turned 18, and my parents were furious and hurt. There’s a lot to unpack with this one, so bear with me.
My parents (40F and 42M) are very religious and were somewhat strict while I was growing up. I have two younger brothers, one 17 and one 8 (this will be important later). For context, my father is a pastor at a local church and my parent’s religious beliefs are the reasoning behind most if not all of their actions. Growing up, I was never a stereotypical girl. I didn’t have many female friends and was usually not accepted in groups with guys as I was a girl and we were kids. I was extroverted as a child but due to being repeatedly rejected by kids my age, I became more introverted. I was a major nerd who loved superheroes and I wanted to play sports. Again, for context, the town I grew up in was very conservative and my parents are very conservative themselves. Girls liked girl things- even if they claimed that’s not how they felt, it’s how they acted. However, as a kid, I did not realize this. I played soccer and basketball growing up, regardless of how “weird” it made me because I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. I was probably around 9 or 10 at this point. It was around this time my parents started having issues with my hobbies. I remember my parents trying to convince me to be a cheerleader because I would “like it more,” but I insisted on playing basketball. (This basketball/cheer program was through our church by the way). Because I was still young, they let it slide, but to this day I remember them being annoyed with it. This is also around the time dieting was introduced to me as well as calorie counting. I have always struggled with my weight and so has my mother, so they were very adamant on making sure I was being “healthy.” I didn’t understand it, but as a child, the only thing I was worried about was making my parents happy. A lot of discipline I received revolved around emotion. What I was doing was right or wrong and if I did something wrong, I felt terrible and awful and would often come crying to my parents about the mistakes I made, fearful of their disappointment and anger if they found things out themselves. They also made everything a moral dilemma- everything was about God and religion and as a kid, it really messed with my head. I would blame myself for everything that went wrong, seeing it as God’s punishment for my behavior. When I was 9, I went so far as to blame my grandmother’s death on myself because I was hanging out with boys instead of girls. This made me to be more of an introvert and my now anxiety disorder is much much worse.
About a year later, my parents sat down with me and my brother and told us they wanted to adopt. At first, I was very excited. I loved the idea of having another brother or sister. And I wouldn’t trade my 8 year old brother (let’s call him Scott) for anything, but adopting kids is part of what triggered a huge change in my parent’s behavior. Also- I had started getting older. I loved playing video games, watching cartoons and writing. However, these weren’t the things they wanted me to like I guess, because I started to feel their judgment become more clear and apparent as I got older. Now, I assume this is because as a kid, I just did what I was told, or my oddities were assumed to fade over time, but that is not the case anymore. Anyways, entering middle school, our family fostered a little girl, let’s call her Ally. A young woman in our church had told us that Ally’s family was out of the picture, and as her aunt, she couldn’t take her in as she was already a single mom and planned on adopting her brother, but couldn’t handle all three alone. So my family stepped in- however, we had come to find that her father was still in the picture and was actively fighting for custody. And Ally was a bit of a handful. My parents have admitted that they expected to swoop in, save a child from a hard life and be the heroes, and when things were harder than that they were very upset. Ally was about three- she remembered her mom (who was in jail i believe), her sisters, her grandma and grandpa, as well as her dad. She didn’t want our family, she wanted hers. She didn’t listen to my parents and rejected their parenting. This is what started to make my parents snap. I understand it was hard for them, but now that I’m older, I get it. She was a little girl who wanted her family. But they took her rejection very seriously and were constantly unhappy with her and made sure she knew it. Children not listening immediately was newer to them as my brother and I both did pretty much whatever they asked, and they did not take well to being told “no” by a child. 8 months after living with Ally, she was taken in by her grandparents to live with them and her sisters. The next day, my parents took my brother and I on a small trip. I’m not sure if it was to cheer us up or to celebrate. I was quite sad though- I had started to really care about Ally and had convinced myself that “God would take care of things” and I would have a sister. But I was angry- God took someone away from me and I was doing everything right. Why was he punishing me? Nothing made sense. Yet, only a year later, my parents were considering taking in another child. I wanted nothing to do with it- God had already taken one sibling away from me. I couldn’t do it again. In the end, I agreed and soon became attached to this little boy, who was two when we met him. This was Scott. I immediately became attached- and I love this kid more than I can describe- he’s my little brother and I would do anything for him.
This is where things start to go further downhill. Scott has a lot of trauma and mental issues, one of those issues being oppositional defiant disorder. That basically means that listening to any form of authority is near impossible for him, and causes him to lash out and act younger than he is. This is probably due to a number of reasons, as he was severely neglected and abused as an infant and his birth mother was on several different substances while pregnant with him, to the point where he was born high on several illegal drugs. He was left in a car seat for most of his infant life, so the back of his head is slightly flattened due to this. My parents are very obedient/disciplined-based parents, so his behavior rocked their world. In my opinion, the way they handled things with Scott was borderline abusive. There were several occasions where he would say he hated them (as young children do when they're mad) and they would flip. Telling him that if he didn’t want them that was fine. They didn’t need him. He could run back to his other parents, but his mom was in jail and his dad didn’t want him, so good luck with that. If we were in the car when this happened, they would threaten to leave him on the side of the road and good luck finding his way home. Once my mother literally pulled to the side of the road, placed him outside the car and started driving so he would “think they would leave him if his actions didn’t change,” but she turned around to get him. Because they would “never actually abandon or hurt him,” their actions were justified and perfectly fine. They would tell him he was acting like a baby when he started to cry and scream. “Little baby Scott, do you need a diaper?” Is how they would tease him when he became older, which just made his tantrums worse. They would tell him how disappointed they were with him and that he should be ashamed of himself and the way he acted because they gave him everything. They would call him, to his face, “an ungrateful manipulative piece of shit.” Because according to my parents, he could control his actions 100% and was choosing to act out to make their lives difficult. While I understand that this was hard for them, in my opinion, this in no way excuses their behavior. One time, Scott was crying and was upset (who knows why, but the kid had a lot of trauma and mental issues so it didn’t bother me too much), and my mother picked him up and put him in his room. She told him that every time he tried to leave his room, she would take away one of his stuffed animals. (He had several that he loved very much). Because this sounded so terrible to him, he ran after her trying to say it wasn’t fair. So she went into his room and took a stuffed animal. This cycle continued while he cried and begged for her to stop, because he just didn’t get it that she was going to keep doing this over and over and his trying to convince her was making it worse. Eventually, there were none left, and she told him if he didn’t stop crying she was going to throw them all away. I don’t remember what happened after that, but I do know that several of them were thrown away, if not at that time than others. There are many other instances of things like this and worse occurring, but we’d be here for a while if I tried to recount them all. Moving forwards to closer when I was moving out-
Now, several years later, when I turned sixteen, I had come to terms with the fact that I was bisexual. This went against everything my family was for, and I knew exactly how they viewed queer people. So, I started learning about different branches of Christianity and felt like I knew a God who loved me as I was and was happy in my decision to switch denominations. (My parents were baptists, and I wanted to be non-denominational). A few months after this, I decided to tell my parents the truth. I had done my best to give them hints, but I wanted to be honest with them because I trusted that they would love me and be there for me no matter what. When I told them I wanted to talk to them about something, they pushed and pressed and I had been trying to wait to talk to them until the next day. I had been seeing my high school counselor, and she suggested giving them a heads-up before springing that conversation up on them. However, after telling them to wait, they went through my phone and saw that I had researched different denominations and read different sermons on queer-accepting faith. They were livid. To be clear- I had a friend over while this was happening. We were watching a movie and joking about how I lost my phone and couldn’t show them this picture I wanted to. Then, I was called upstairs. I had apparently betrayed my parents and, “how could I do this to them, when I had someone over?” My father demanded I send my friend home, but my mother convinced him for one more hour. I was told not to tell my friend anything they had said and to act like things were fine, but I couldn’t. I went back downstairs where we were hanging out and started sobbing. I felt like my whole world was falling apart. Everything was over- and the people I thought would love me no matter what made me so afraid and sad, I was completely broken. My friend did their best to comfort me and even felt weary to leave me alone with my family but I told them I’d be okay, and asked that they update our friends about the situation. That night was hellish. So many conversations, them trying to understand what I felt, but not taking me particularly seriously either. That night turned into weeks of books, slideshows, conversations, and prayers. It felt like at-home conversion therapy. Eventually, I was given a choice “put my convictional flag in the ground or loose their trust.” As the petrified 16 year old, I chose to lie. I put my “flag” in the ground and did my best to, “earn back their trust” and repair their reputation that I had tarnished. The next couple months were a blur. I felt so terrible about myself. I didn’t know what I thought or believed and I became extremely hyper anxious and depressed. I had lost all sense of privacy and I did trust my parents further than I could toss them. My 17 year old brother (he was 14 at the time, let’s call him James) was 100% on board with my parents. My life felt like a living nightmare. My parents had it so that all my texts sent or received from my phone would go directly to theirs, so I couldn’t even confide in my friends without getting into trouble (which had happened and was how I found out that they did that because I deleted the texts immediately after sending/receiving things).. Everything felt like it was about me and how I needed to earn back their trust and how I was a terrible betrayer who they were not proud of in the slightest. I had gone to get a pixie cut (with their approval) and after they told me I was disgusting and repulsive and would never find a man to love me. I was heartbroken and felt so alone and unloved in my house, while I had to watch my younger brother be treated the way he was by my parents.
Luckily, I had a lot of friends and our school counselor who had been there for me through everything. They showered me with support and love and made sure I had a safe space to exist and truthfully I think they’re the only reason I didn’t do anything drastic and am still here today. It was hard though because James went to the same school as me and would tell my parents if I was with anyone he knew was queer or queer accepting. This caused me to be very very paranoid about who I was with, when, where, etc. Constantly covering my tracks, having an excuse set up and ready to bolt if I saw anyone I knew. What made things equally hard is that the church my father works at is quite big in our area. So if someone from our church or someone who knew my family saw me with anyone they labeled as “queer” or “gay,” they would tell my family as well. For the most part, I didn’t feel safe anywhere. I was constantly alert and on guard, even when I was asleep as my parents had woken me up before to confront me about someone I was friends with at school.
Fortunately for me, despite everything being such a mess, I am quite academically smart. I got a job the second I turned sixteen as I had heard the horror stories of queer kids being kicked out and wanted to be prepared. I had been saving money, taking college classes (we have a state program that pays for the classes while you’re in high school), and putting on a show for my family for quite some time. After saving some money, I paid my parents for an older car that they had paid off ten or so years ago. After my brother turned 16, he claimed it was too hard to share a car with me, so while I was away visiting a friend they bought him a car and told us that they expected each of us to pay them one thousand dollars before we graduated high school and that when we did so, they would sign over our respective cars to us. To be clear, I contributed to insurance and paid for my own gas, as well as contributing to my phone bill and money for food. Meanwhile, my brother had no job, and was constantly asking my parents for money to go out with friends. He had also taken up golfing, which as most people know is extremely expensive, and my parents funded everything. James had actually admitted to asking for more money than he needed and save the leftovers for whatever he wanted. I was also expected to chauffeur him to golf events and to get togethers with his friends, and my parents would in return give me some gas money. Another thing to note is that the only reason I was contributing to our phone bill is because James wanted unlimited data and my father said it was unreasonable unless we both contributed financially. I refused as I was trying to save money (as I would have with the car situation), however things per normal went James’s way. However, because he did not have a job, he was not expected to pay anything and would not be charged for the months and years that he did not contribute to. I did my best not to let these things get to me and to keep a level head. I paid my parents for the car because I already had over two thousand dollars saved as a seventeen year old high school student due to my hard work.
I focused on my classes and joined theater to help fill the hours in between school and work. I was much more active my sophomore year but when James also decided to join theater I retreated a bit as my once safe space to freely exist was no longer safe. I joined the stage crew but honestly that was also very enjoyable and lethargic for me and I enjoyed it a lot. Anyways, I was mostly a straight A student besides the stray Bs and one or two Cs (psychology and AP government screwed me over) and was working 15 or so hours a week. This is on top of my commitments to the church which were most of my Sundays and my Wednesday evenings. The funny thing is though- James missed more church than I ever did yet because my absence was because of work and not golf, I was the one consistently reprimanded for my lack of attendance and socialization whilst I was there. Yet because James could never do anything wrong and was a very extroverted person his lack of attendance wasn’t as serious as my own. I had one close friend through our church, let’s call her Grace (now 18F) and she actually knew about everything and was very supportive of me. I also had some other friends who really only showed up to church so I didn’t have to go through the torture alone which I don’t know if I could ever repay them for. Besides the people I was comfortable with though, I was pretty much a loner there and this heavily displeased my parents as it made them look bad and messed with their reputation. I never realized how much appearances meant to them until all of the shit that happened took place. As I mentioned before, our church is very conservative and traditional, and many sermons and lessons revolved around gender roles and the sinfulness of the world in terms fo the LGBTQ community. I consistently felt targeted because of my looks and my personality and stopped feeling comfortable there a very long time ago.
Now that more context is in place, fast forward to the end of my junior year. I had at this point finished all my high school requirements for graduation and was given an incredible opportunity to go to our local college full time for my senior year. I was very excited and happy because not only did it give me more freedom but it also meant I would get more than a year of my college education paid for by the state.
It was also around this time when I met my now boyfriend, let’s call him Dean. We were coworkers and had begun to get to know each other. We had a lot in common and while were different people personality wise, we enjoyed each other’s company quite a bit. By some miracle, I convinced my parents to allow me to hang out with him outside of work by claiming he was just a friend and saying that he was a Christian (which is by no means true). They were extremely skeptical but allowed us to hang out. We had an incredible time- and by the end of our first date he asked me to be his girlfriend which I happily accepted. I was so happy, but when I got home, things spiraled out of control. I told my parents about our time, and they were extremely unhappy as they felt fooled (which they were to be fair) and told me I was not allowed to see him ever again. I was devastated and they said a lot of very uncalled for things and but I understand why they were angry. To be clear, they knew I had a romantic interest in Dean and that this hangout was to see if we would be compatible partners and get to know each other better. They did not call it a date though because they weren’t comfortable with it, even if it was a date and they kinda knew it. So while they were on some level “fooled,” I feel that their anger and harshness wasn’t called for as they knew the intentions of our hanging out. The next morning my father demanded to see my phone. This is when I started to panic. You see, they had stop tracking my texts and I had openly flirted with Dean over text. Nothing that explicit and no photos of any kind. But the flirting would be enough for them to tear my world apart and I knew it. They had gone through my personal conversations before and made me feel terrible because of it and I refused to let them do it again. So I deleted everything. The entire conversation chain, I removed it from my phone 100%. My parents absolutely lost their shit. They had been manipulating and gaslighting me for years, doing anything and everything to keep their control and with my actions I showed them they couldn’t control me forever and things went very downhill. I lost all my privacy and was once again told how I had betrayed them and I was terrible and couldn’t be trusted. Again- I partially understand their anger here because I had directly disobeyed a command. But at the same time, I feel as a young woman I should be allowed some sense of privacy and the ability to talk to people without being constantly monitored. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong and would happily do it again in a heartbeat if it meant I’d be where I am today. Regardless of this, my life became a living hell once again, and my parents compared this to when I came out, “which was maybe the worst night of their lives.” They stripped me of all my privileges even if I didn’t have many to begin with. They made me feel absolutely miserable and awful about myself and I was monitored like never before. I would be working and receive texts upon texts of how I was so terrible and how could I do this to them because they had done everything for me and I’m a terrible daughter who should be ashamed of myself for the deceit and malicious nature of my actions. Again- this was because they could not read the messages between me and my now boyfriend. I understand them being mad but they took it to a completely inappropriate level. I shared everything happening with my friends and counselor and they supported me and assured me I did nothing wrong and they would be there for me which helped but as my home was now a living hellscape it was hard to hear it. I found a way to tell Dean about things and at first he felt guilty but I assured him that their actions were not his fault but theirs. He then asked me if I wanted to pause our relationship but I told him honestly that they had taken so many things I cared about over the years and I refused to let them take this. I did tell him however I understood if he didn’t want to put up with all the complicatedness of my family but he told me he cared for me and would be there so long as I was okay with it. He also told me if things ever got really bad at home, regardless of the fact we had just started dating, he had spoken to his family and they offered me a place to stay if I needed/wanted it. This really touched me, but I reassured him that it was not his job to offer that, but I appreciated the offer.
This begins our relationship and we were very happy. We had found a way to communicate over email, and we were able to hide our relationship with my family. Luckily for me, over the years I had made a habit of hanging out at the park by myself so it was not strange for me to head to the park for a couple of hours. There, I would leave my car and phone (my phone had a tracker on it) and Dean and I would hangout multiple times a week and it was heaven. At this point, we’ve only been dating for a year but I can admit without any doubt that I am in love with this man and he is in love with me. During the school year, it became easier for us to hang out in between classes as we both went to the same college (I am older for my year in school and he is younger, so he was a sophomore in college while I was a senior in high school. However, we are barely a year apart in age for anyone who is concerned). However, in order for us to communicate and hang out, I had to be extremely diligent and was consistently covering my tracks while “once again, earning my parents trust and repairing our relationship.” Because of course their actions were completely justified and I was the one in the wrong, per normal. Anyways, every day, I was editing search histories, erasing messages, and looking over my shoulder. Our church had a program on campus where Dean and I went to school, so being together in public was risky as my father’s friends and coworkers were always on campus and I knew I would be screwed if we were caught together. We had a couple of close calls over the months but it was all worth it because I hadn’t been that happy in years.
Now, to the day I left and why. You see, my parents' behavior towards Scott was becoming more aggressive and worse over time. They also had, in my opinion, a drinking problem. Considering they didn’t deny it when I called them out, they may agree. They would behave more hostile after several drinks and it was happening so consistently I was constantly walking on eggshells. Between the way they treated Scott, the way they treated me and the constant stress I was under trying to balance my life in fear of the repercussions, things became too much. When things weren’t going to shit, I was consistently expected to either babysit my brother and do chores while being a full time college student and working a part time job WHILE attending church multiple times a week and keeping up with my responsibilities as a senior. This is on top of the stress my parents' behavior caused, meanwhile James was expected to do almost nothing in comparison. Don’t get me wrong- he didn’t do anything, but he had almost no responsibilities outside of school and his extracurriculars which were exclusively funded by my parents. Yes he helped with dishes during the week and would keep his space tidy. But as my schedule became much more flexible due to my school schedule, my expectations around the house became much higher than his. Even though I paid 200 a month on gas, 50 a month for insurance and 50 a month for the phone bill, and he paid nothing for his car, insurance, phone, gas, nothing. So you would think he would be expected to help in the house more but no. Also, James’s behavior towards Scott mimicked my parents and so all babysitting responsibilities fell on me as they couldn’t be trusted alone together. I was rarely if ever paid for my cleaning or babysitting services as it was my responsibility as their eldest child. They would also consistently judge me for my weight, cloths, hair, hobbies, etc. Why did I think it was a good idea to get fast food? I clearly didn’t need it. They would “outfit check me” to make sure the outfits I wore were feminine enough because the way I look effected their reputation and I couldn’t be trusted. I was not allowed to cut my hair after their tantrum over it. As for my hobbies, I stopped playing sports in middle school as I am very short (currently 5 foot even) and was unable to keep up with my peers. However my interest in video games and cartoons wasn’t feminine enough and they proceeded to compare me to my best friend Grace because she was skinnier and liked more feminine things than I did which hurt a lot. Another thing for context, I have PCOS. It’s an endocrine disorder that heavily effects your metabolism and hormones, which in turn severely effected my weight, however my parents never acknowledged it and again made everything my fault. So from what I wore, what I ate, who I hung out with and what I enjoyed doing was constantly criticized, scrutinized and eventually controlled by my family for years. On top of everything else, I was done. I was 18, I had resaved the thousand I paid my family and knew I was at a place where I didn’t need them and was tired of being treated like shit. So I left.
The night I moved out was a total shit show. I had rallied Dean and my other friend, let’s call them Rita (18NB), and they helped me form a plan. When I returned home, Dean and Rita would be on their way. I would pack everything that belonged to me or I felt they would let me take, and prep the bags outside. After Rita arrived I went to try and explain to my parents that I would be leaving and explain calmly why. In a perfect world, we would have had a long deep talk, and things would have ended alright. That is far, far from what happened. They immediately starting screaming, and took my phone and car keys as both belonged to them, which I calmly handed over. Rita was there for emotional support, and put themselves between me and my parents as they got more angry and seemed to be turning aggressive. After that, my father called the police and claimed that there was an intruder in their home trying to take their child. Yeah. Complete bullshit- which to this day I’m surprised they were never charged with falsifying a 911 call. They screamed at Rita to get out of their home and was screaming that I was throwing away everything and I needed to reconsider. I ignored them and attempted to calmly walk out, and my parents attempted to barricade the doors while harassing Rita to leave. Because Rita is incredible and one of my closest friends now, they refused to leave without me which was very calming. While my parents were distracted yelling at them, I slipped out through the garage. My mother saw this and then grabbed me, attempting to drag me inside by my arm. Rita saw this and assisted me in getting her off me, and after doing so we continued to walk towards Dean’s car where he was waiting for us. He figured it would be best if my family didn’t see him for the time being as they would definitely lose their minds at seeing his face. My parents continued screaming and then the cops arrived. They were quite confused at first because they had been sent to deal with a potential kidnapping, only to see two grown adults throwing a tantrum because their adult child didn’t want to live with them anymore. That night was honestly so insane I could write three more pages about everything they said and did. The most notable events were first when my mother tried to explain to the police that because I was her child, she was allowed to put her hands on me, which they humorously informed her was not the case. The next was when James came home from theater rehearsal, to which my parents told them that I was abandoning our family. He was an emotional wreck through all of it, and to this day has told me that until I “fix” things with our parents he is not okay with having any form of relationship with me. Throughout all of this Scott was in his room, and I was allowed to give him one last hug before leaving. The final and most notable thing, was as the cops allowed my boyfriend, Rita and I to leave, my father threatened violence towards my boyfriend and accused him of "taking advantage of his underage daughter," which is just ridiculous as we are practically the same age, and anything we had done together was consensual and reserved for after I turned 18. Another thing my parents did was go through each bag I had packed and took everything they felt belonged to them, including the laptop provided to me by my high school, which they hilariously were made to give back to me several days later as it was not theirs and they had no right to take it. They tried claiming they were giving it to me out of the kindness of their hearts, but that bullshit meant nothing as after I informed the school of their behavior, the school assured me they would be made to give it back. Another thing they threatened to do as I left was pull me out of high school, which I was assured by the police they were not capable of doing as I was 18. The police were for the most part annoyed with my parents, tired of their bs and told me I seemed to be a capable young woman and wished me the best of luck. My parents had tried to ask the police to say I was mentally unstable for the time being so I wouldn’t be allowed to leave, as their “she’s still in high school” excuse didn’t do anything. You see, as my father is an influential church figure and had friends in the police force, he thought they would be on his side but was sorely mistaken as the chief told him they wouldn’t be doing him any favors. And with that, I was free.
My boyfriend's family has been nothing but unconditionally kind and supportive and have accepted me as part of their family which has been a huge blessing in all of this. I am in contact with my father’s sister and his father, my aunt and grandpa, and as I have expressed my unhappiness at home, they are supportive of me as well. However, as my aunt lives further away and my grandpa is not in the best place to have me live with him, I have been with my boyfriend's family since I left home in October. I have a lot more I could say but I already feel like there are way too many parts here and so for now I’ll leave it at this. So yeah, AITA for moving out after I was treated like shit for years while witnessing the mistreatment of my sibling?

This is both a post looking for advice and to vent. Using my second account for anonymity. Sorry for my word vomit. I’m just going to write what’s on my mind. TL;DR at the bottom if you want to skip my ranting.
I (28 F) finally got a ‘cozy’ office job in 2022 which I had dreamed of after working in management in a grueling, extremely laborious, customer service job that genuinely screwed my back to the point where I couldn’t walk (which is now mostly better after quitting almost 2 years ago). After working really hard at this new job, I became management pretty fast (8 months) and it’s genuinely the most I have ever been paid in my life (around $51k before taxes). It’s not a ton in the current financial state of the world (I live in the US), but it’s enough to get myself and my partner by with his job as well, and I have some left over every month. This is truly a blessing and not something I take lightly. I feel very privileged to be in this position when my partner and I, in the past, have been in poverty where we had $30 to feed us both for a month.
However, my depression has sky rocketed. This job has afforded me to go to a wonderful (but expensive) therapist, and I feel like I talk about how my job is wrecking me emotionally and mentally majority of the time. My anxiety is through the roof. I am being forced to micromanage our team, and I have to make tough decisions I don’t agree with. Some days, I feel like I am my team’s therapist. I try to establish boundaries but I truly feel like a parent - I am never left alone by the team or upper management as I am always needed to answer questions, report, and investigate cases. The work load is insane and they just keep piling more and more on me and my colleagues. I am salaried but I’m constantly working off the clock to catch up. In multiple required leadership trainings, it’s always been pushed that “you’ll never feel like you have enough time to get everything done” which seems to be what they consider ‘normal’, and the company constantly gives more responsibilities to everyone instead of hiring a new role or realizing we need help/more people. It’s not healthy and everyone is being run ragged. My hours suck so I’m the only manager in the evening so I am constantly being dogpiled with questions, messages, emails, complaint tickets, assignment, meetings, trainings, etc. the list goes on and on and on. We have 40+ people under us which feels impossible to manage among everything else.
I feel stuck. I do not have the capacity at the end of the day to do anything productive like courses, certifications, or to look for a new job. I don’t even have a college degree under my belt. I was about 6 credits away from an Associates back in 2020 but when the pandemic hit, I had to go full time at my last job to help which made me put a pause on my education and I have yet to go back. Lesson learned: don’t sacrifice your education for a job. Good lord. I feel like I can’t do anything but management to make a decent living (which I don’t want to do anymore) since I don’t have a degree or set of skills except for management and customer service for 12+ years. It’s soul crushing. It hurts my heart to have hard conversations with staff, especially those who are trying and who care but who still come up short. I also hate having to be the bearer of bad news, especially when it’s to uphold a company policy that I think is bs. I feel stuck between the executives above me and the team I manage. It’s suffocating. All that I do is never enough despite getting things done while being pulled in hundreds of different directions at once.
I feel so ungrateful. I remember dreaming of an office job when I was doing back breaking work before. I also do have wonderful colleagues and some of the benefits are things I never thought I’d have in any job. Now I’ve gained 30+ pounds and my mental health is at an all time low. There are so many people out there struggling worse and I just feel so entitled and shitty asking for something better and whining about where I am. I also have a lot of financial anxiety since I don’t want to be where I’ve been in the past where we could barely afford food. My wonderful partner has begged me to quit if it’s too much and has offered to support us while I looked for something else, but living on his income, which is significantly less than mine, is terrifying. I also don’t like the idea of putting that pressure on him. He’s done so much for us, and the guilt I would feel for giving up on our stability because I can’t ‘tough it out’ makes me feel so much shame. Although I’m good at it, I also don’t want to do customer service as it’s something I’ve done my entire life, and it has never paid what I need to support us. And let’s be frank, everyone knows it sucks.
Without this job, I couldn’t put food on the table like I do now. I would lose the ability to go to the doctor without worrying about it putting me in the hole. I couldn’t afford to go to therapy or pay for medication. We’ve been looking to buy a house for years and that would become a pipe dream. Although we are child-free, I still have pets to feed and take care of. What would I even do if I did try to find something else? I don’t have a degree, or certificates. I barely have the energy or time to pursue those things. I don’t even have the bandwidth to do the things I love like hobbies or see friends. I don’t even know what I want.
I’m good at art and computer stuff. I love data and have looked at data analysis, but I just don’t have the time. I love plants and animals, but don’t want to work in animal medicine. I have looked into medical billing/coding. I guess I’m mostly looking for something project based and not people/management based. Something that’s independent that offers autonomy over my own time and work quality/production. That’s probably most people though, right?
If you’ve made it this far, I’m sorry for my rambling. I feel better after putting this here, but I feel the crash of anxiety that lies in wait. I should b working but I’m frozen and overwhelmed. What do I do? What options are out there?
TL;DR: I work in management at a corporate job that has destroyed my mental health. I do not have a degree or any certifications. I stopped going to college in 2020 because of the pandemic and was <10 credits away from an Associate’s degree. I am looking for something that is not management or customer service that would allow for independent work, autonomy over my own time and work quality/production. I am very literate with computers and love data. I am a very creative person, and I am good at art (traditional paintings, digital, etc.), and have hobbies that include houseplants and exotic animals. I have over 12+ years in customer service which has a lot of transferable soft skills. I have looked (minimally) into data analysis as well as medical billing/coding. Any advice on careers, certifications, degrees, courses, etc would be greatly appreciated!

I, (18F) moved in with my boyfriend (19M) a couple of months after I turned 18, and my parents were furious and hurt. There’s a lot to unpack with this one, so bear with me.
My parents (40F and 42M) are very religious and were somewhat strict while I was growing up. I have two younger brothers, one 17 and one 8 (this will be important later). For context, my father is a pastor at a local church and my parent’s religious beliefs are the reasoning behind most if not all of their actions. Growing up, I was never a stereotypical girl. I didn’t have many female friends and was usually not accepted in groups with guys as I was a girl and we were kids. I was extroverted as a child but due to being repeatedly rejected by kids my age, I became more introverted. I was a major nerd who loved superheroes and I wanted to play sports. Again, for context, the town I grew up in was very conservative and my parents are very conservative themselves. Girls liked girl things- even if they claimed that’s not how they felt, it’s how they acted. However, as a kid, I did not realize this. I played soccer and basketball growing up, regardless of how “weird” it made me because I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. I was probably around 9 or 10 at this point. It was around this time my parents started having issues with my hobbies. I remember my parents trying to convince me to be a cheerleader because I would “like it more,” but I insisted on playing basketball. (This basketball/cheer program was through our church by the way). Because I was still young, they let it slide, but to this day I remember them being annoyed with it. This is also around the time dieting was introduced to me as well as calorie counting. I have always struggled with my weight and so has my mother, so they were very adamant on making sure I was being “healthy.” I didn’t understand it, but as a child, the only thing I was worried about was making my parents happy. A lot of discipline I received revolved around emotion. What I was doing was right or wrong and if I did something wrong, I felt terrible and awful and would often come crying to my parents about the mistakes I made, fearful of their disappointment and anger if they found things out themselves. They also made everything a moral dilemma- everything was about God and religion and as a kid, it really messed with my head. I would blame myself for everything that went wrong, seeing it as God’s punishment for my behavior. When I was 9, I went so far as to blame my grandmother’s death on myself because I was hanging out with boys instead of girls. This made me to be more of an introvert and my now anxiety disorder is much much worse.
About a year later, my parents sat down with me and my brother and told us they wanted to adopt. At first, I was very excited. I loved the idea of having another brother or sister. And I wouldn’t trade my 8 year old brother (let’s call him Scott) for anything, but adopting kids is part of what triggered a huge change in my parent’s behavior. Also- I had started getting older. I loved playing video games, watching cartoons and writing. However, these weren’t the things they wanted me to like I guess, because I started to feel their judgment become more clear and apparent as I got older. Now, I assume this is because as a kid, I just did what I was told, or my oddities were assumed to fade over time, but that is not the case anymore. Anyways, entering middle school, our family fostered a little girl, let’s call her Ally. A young woman in our church had told us that Ally’s family was out of the picture, and as her aunt, she couldn’t take her in as she was already a single mom and planned on adopting her brother, but couldn’t handle all three alone. So my family stepped in- however, we had come to find that her father was still in the picture and was actively fighting for custody. And Ally was a bit of a handful. My parents have admitted that they expected to swoop in, save a child from a hard life and be the heroes, and when things were harder than that they were very upset. Ally was about three- she remembered her mom (who was in jail i believe), her sisters, her grandma and grandpa, as well as her dad. She didn’t want our family, she wanted hers. She didn’t listen to my parents and rejected their parenting. This is what started to make my parents snap. I understand it was hard for them, but now that I’m older, I get it. She was a little girl who wanted her family. But they took her rejection very seriously and were constantly unhappy with her and made sure she knew it. Children not listening immediately was newer to them as my brother and I both did pretty much whatever they asked, and they did not take well to being told “no” by a child. 8 months after living with Ally, she was taken in by her grandparents to live with them and her sisters. The next day, my parents took my brother and I on a small trip. I’m not sure if it was to cheer us up or to celebrate. I was quite sad though- I had started to really care about Ally and had convinced myself that “God would take care of things” and I would have a sister. But I was angry- God took someone away from me and I was doing everything right. Why was he punishing me? Nothing made sense. Yet, only a year later, my parents were considering taking in another child. I wanted nothing to do with it- God had already taken one sibling away from me. I couldn’t do it again. In the end, I agreed and soon became attached to this little boy, who was two when we met him. This was Scott. I immediately became attached- and I love this kid more than I can describe- he’s my little brother and I would do anything for him.
This is where things start to go further downhill. Scott has a lot of trauma and mental issues, one of those issues being oppositional defiant disorder. That basically means that listening to any form of authority is near impossible for him, and causes him to lash out and act younger than he is. This is probably due to a number of reasons, as he was severely neglected and abused as an infant and his birth mother was on several different substances while pregnant with him, to the point where he was born high on several illegal drugs. He was left in a car seat for most of his infant life, so the back of his head is slightly flattened due to this. My parents are very obedient/disciplined-based parents, so his behavior rocked their world. In my opinion, the way they handled things with Scott was borderline abusive. There were several occasions where he would say he hated them (as young children do when they're mad) and they would flip. Telling him that if he didn’t want them that was fine. They didn’t need him. He could run back to his other parents, but his mom was in jail and his dad didn’t want him, so good luck with that. If we were in the car when this happened, they would threaten to leave him on the side of the road and good luck finding his way home. Once my mother literally pulled to the side of the road, placed him outside the car and started driving so he would “think they would leave him if his actions didn’t change,” but she turned around to get him. Because they would “never actually abandon or hurt him,” their actions were justified and perfectly fine. They would tell him he was acting like a baby when he started to cry and scream. “Little baby Scott, do you need a diaper?” Is how they would tease him when he became older, which just made his tantrums worse. They would tell him how disappointed they were with him and that he should be ashamed of himself and the way he acted because they gave him everything. They would call him, to his face, “an ungrateful manipulative piece of shit.” Because according to my parents, he could control his actions 100% and was choosing to act out to make their lives difficult. While I understand that this was hard for them, in my opinion, this in no way excuses their behavior. One time, Scott was crying and was upset (who knows why, but the kid had a lot of trauma and mental issues so it didn’t bother me too much), and my mother picked him up and put him in his room. She told him that every time he tried to leave his room, she would take away one of his stuffed animals. (He had several that he loved very much). Because this sounded so terrible to him, he ran after her trying to say it wasn’t fair. So she went into his room and took a stuffed animal. This cycle continued while he cried and begged for her to stop, because he just didn’t get it that she was going to keep doing this over and over and his trying to convince her was making it worse. Eventually, there were none left, and she told him if he didn’t stop crying she was going to throw them all away. I don’t remember what happened after that, but I do know that several of them were thrown away, if not at that time than others. There are many other instances of things like this and worse occurring, but we’d be here for a while if I tried to recount them all. Moving forwards to closer when I was moving out-
Now, several years later, when I turned sixteen, I had come to terms with the fact that I was bisexual. This went against everything my family was for, and I knew exactly how they viewed queer people. So, I started learning about different branches of Christianity and felt like I knew a God who loved me as I was and was happy in my decision to switch denominations. (My parents were baptists, and I wanted to be non-denominational). A few months after this, I decided to tell my parents the truth. I had done my best to give them hints, but I wanted to be honest with them because I trusted that they would love me and be there for me no matter what. When I told them I wanted to talk to them about something, they pushed and pressed and I had been trying to wait to talk to them until the next day. I had been seeing my high school counselor, and she suggested giving them a heads-up before springing that conversation up on them. However, after telling them to wait, they went through my phone and saw that I had researched different denominations and read different sermons on queer-accepting faith. They were livid. To be clear- I had a friend over while this was happening. We were watching a movie and joking about how I lost my phone and couldn’t show them this picture I wanted to. Then, I was called upstairs. I had apparently betrayed my parents and, “how could I do this to them, when I had someone over?” My father demanded I send my friend home, but my mother convinced him for one more hour. I was told not to tell my friend anything they had said and to act like things were fine, but I couldn’t. I went back downstairs where we were hanging out and started sobbing. I felt like my whole world was falling apart. Everything was over- and the people I thought would love me no matter what made me so afraid and sad, I was completely broken. My friend did their best to comfort me and even felt weary to leave me alone with my family but I told them I’d be okay, and asked that they update our friends about the situation. That night was hellish. So many conversations, them trying to understand what I felt, but not taking me particularly seriously either. That night turned into weeks of books, slideshows, conversations, and prayers. It felt like at-home conversion therapy. Eventually, I was given a choice “put my convictional flag in the ground or loose their trust.” As the petrified 16 year old, I chose to lie. I put my “flag” in the ground and did my best to, “earn back their trust” and repair their reputation that I had tarnished. The next couple months were a blur. I felt so terrible about myself. I didn’t know what I thought or believed and I became extremely hyper anxious and depressed. I had lost all sense of privacy and I did trust my parents further than I could toss them. My 17 year old brother (he was 14 at the time, let’s call him James) was 100% on board with my parents. My life felt like a living nightmare. My parents had it so that all my texts sent or received from my phone would go directly to theirs, so I couldn’t even confide in my friends without getting into trouble (which had happened and was how I found out that they did that because I deleted the texts immediately after sending/receiving things).. Everything felt like it was about me and how I needed to earn back their trust and how I was a terrible betrayer who they were not proud of in the slightest. I had gone to get a pixie cut (with their approval) and after they told me I was disgusting and repulsive and would never find a man to love me. I was heartbroken and felt so alone and unloved in my house, while I had to watch my younger brother be treated the way he was by my parents.
Luckily, I had a lot of friends and our school counselor who had been there for me through everything. They showered me with support and love and made sure I had a safe space to exist and truthfully I think they’re the only reason I didn’t do anything drastic and am still here today. It was hard though because James went to the same school as me and would tell my parents if I was with anyone he knew was queer or queer accepting. This caused me to be very very paranoid about who I was with, when, where, etc. Constantly covering my tracks, having an excuse set up and ready to bolt if I saw anyone I knew. What made things equally hard is that the church my father works at is quite big in our area. So if someone from our church or someone who knew my family saw me with anyone they labeled as “queer” or “gay,” they would tell my family as well. For the most part, I didn’t feel safe anywhere. I was constantly alert and on guard, even when I was asleep as my parents had woken me up before to confront me about someone I was friends with at school.
Fortunately for me, despite everything being such a mess, I am quite academically smart. I got a job the second I turned sixteen as I had heard the horror stories of queer kids being kicked out and wanted to be prepared. I had been saving money, taking college classes (we have a state program that pays for the classes while you’re in high school), and putting on a show for my family for quite some time. After saving some money, I paid my parents for an older car that they had paid off ten or so years ago. After my brother turned 16, he claimed it was too hard to share a car with me, so while I was away visiting a friend they bought him a car and told us that they expected each of us to pay them one thousand dollars before we graduated high school and that when we did so, they would sign over our respective cars to us. To be clear, I contributed to insurance and paid for my own gas, as well as contributing to my phone bill and money for food. Meanwhile, my brother had no job, and was constantly asking my parents for money to go out with friends. He had also taken up golfing, which as most people know is extremely expensive, and my parents funded everything. James had actually admitted to asking for more money than he needed and save the leftovers for whatever he wanted. I was also expected to chauffeur him to golf events and to get togethers with his friends, and my parents would in return give me some gas money. Another thing to note is that the only reason I was contributing to our phone bill is because James wanted unlimited data and my father said it was unreasonable unless we both contributed financially. I refused as I was trying to save money (as I would have with the car situation), however things per normal went James’s way. However, because he did not have a job, he was not expected to pay anything and would not be charged for the months and years that he did not contribute to. I did my best not to let these things get to me and to keep a level head. I paid my parents for the car because I already had over two thousand dollars saved as a seventeen year old high school student due to my hard work.
I focused on my classes and joined theater to help fill the hours in between school and work. I was much more active my sophomore year but when James also decided to join theater I retreated a bit as my once safe space to freely exist was no longer safe. I joined the stage crew but honestly that was also very enjoyable and lethargic for me and I enjoyed it a lot. Anyways, I was mostly a straight A student besides the stray Bs and one or two Cs (psychology and AP government screwed me over) and was working 15 or so hours a week. This is on top of my commitments to the church which were most of my Sundays and my Wednesday evenings. The funny thing is though- James missed more church than I ever did yet because my absence was because of work and not golf, I was the one consistently reprimanded for my lack of attendance and socialization whilst I was there. Yet because James could never do anything wrong and was a very extroverted person his lack of attendance wasn’t as serious as my own. I had one close friend through our church, let’s call her Grace (now 18F) and she actually knew about everything and was very supportive of me. I also had some other friends who really only showed up to church so I didn’t have to go through the torture alone which I don’t know if I could ever repay them for. Besides the people I was comfortable with though, I was pretty much a loner there and this heavily displeased my parents as it made them look bad and messed with their reputation. I never realized how much appearances meant to them until all of the shit that happened took place. As I mentioned before, our church is very conservative and traditional, and many sermons and lessons revolved around gender roles and the sinfulness of the world in terms fo the LGBTQ community. I consistently felt targeted because of my looks and my personality and stopped feeling comfortable there a very long time ago.
Now that more context is in place, fast forward to the end of my junior year. I had at this point finished all my high school requirements for graduation and was given an incredible opportunity to go to our local college full time for my senior year. I was very excited and happy because not only did it give me more freedom but it also meant I would get more than a year of my college education paid for by the state.
It was also around this time when I met my now boyfriend, let’s call him Dean. We were coworkers and had begun to get to know each other. We had a lot in common and while were different people personality wise, we enjoyed each other’s company quite a bit. By some miracle, I convinced my parents to allow me to hang out with him outside of work by claiming he was just a friend and saying that he was a Christian (which is by no means true). They were extremely skeptical but allowed us to hang out. We had an incredible time- and by the end of our first date he asked me to be his girlfriend which I happily accepted. I was so happy, but when I got home, things spiraled out of control. I told my parents about our time, and they were extremely unhappy as they felt fooled (which they were to be fair) and told me I was not allowed to see him ever again. I was devastated and they said a lot of very uncalled for things and but I understand why they were angry. To be clear, they knew I had a romantic interest in Dean and that this hangout was to see if we would be compatible partners and get to know each other better. They did not call it a date though because they weren’t comfortable with it, even if it was a date and they kinda knew it. So while they were on some level “fooled,” I feel that their anger and harshness wasn’t called for as they knew the intentions of our hanging out. The next morning my father demanded to see my phone. This is when I started to panic. You see, they had stop tracking my texts and I had openly flirted with Dean over text. Nothing that explicit and no photos of any kind. But the flirting would be enough for them to tear my world apart and I knew it. They had gone through my personal conversations before and made me feel terrible because of it and I refused to let them do it again. So I deleted everything. The entire conversation chain, I removed it from my phone 100%. My parents absolutely lost their shit. They had been manipulating and gaslighting me for years, doing anything and everything to keep their control and with my actions I showed them they couldn’t control me forever and things went very downhill. I lost all my privacy and was once again told how I had betrayed them and I was terrible and couldn’t be trusted. Again- I partially understand their anger here because I had directly disobeyed a command. But at the same time, I feel as a young woman I should be allowed some sense of privacy and the ability to talk to people without being constantly monitored. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong and would happily do it again in a heartbeat if it meant I’d be where I am today. Regardless of this, my life became a living hell once again, and my parents compared this to when I came out, “which was maybe the worst night of their lives.” They stripped me of all my privileges even if I didn’t have many to begin with. They made me feel absolutely miserable and awful about myself and I was monitored like never before. I would be working and receive texts upon texts of how I was so terrible and how could I do this to them because they had done everything for me and I’m a terrible daughter who should be ashamed of myself for the deceit and malicious nature of my actions. Again- this was because they could not read the messages between me and my now boyfriend. I understand them being mad but they took it to a completely inappropriate level. I shared everything happening with my friends and counselor and they supported me and assured me I did nothing wrong and they would be there for me which helped but as my home was now a living hellscape it was hard to hear it. I found a way to tell Dean about things and at first he felt guilty but I assured him that their actions were not his fault but theirs. He then asked me if I wanted to pause our relationship but I told him honestly that they had taken so many things I cared about over the years and I refused to let them take this. I did tell him however I understood if he didn’t want to put up with all the complicatedness of my family but he told me he cared for me and would be there so long as I was okay with it. He also told me if things ever got really bad at home, regardless of the fact we had just started dating, he had spoken to his family and they offered me a place to stay if I needed/wanted it. This really touched me, but I reassured him that it was not his job to offer that, but I appreciated the offer.
This begins our relationship and we were very happy. We had found a way to communicate over email, and we were able to hide our relationship with my family. Luckily for me, over the years I had made a habit of hanging out at the park by myself so it was not strange for me to head to the park for a couple of hours. There, I would leave my car and phone (my phone had a tracker on it) and Dean and I would hangout multiple times a week and it was heaven. At this point, we’ve only been dating for a year but I can admit without any doubt that I am in love with this man and he is in love with me. During the school year, it became easier for us to hang out in between classes as we both went to the same college (I am older for my year in school and he is younger, so he was a sophomore in college while I was a senior in high school. However, we are barely a year apart in age for anyone who is concerned). However, in order for us to communicate and hang out, I had to be extremely diligent and was consistently covering my tracks while “once again, earning my parents trust and repairing our relationship.” Because of course their actions were completely justified and I was the one in the wrong, per normal. Anyways, every day, I was editing search histories, erasing messages, and looking over my shoulder. Our church had a program on campus where Dean and I went to school, so being together in public was risky as my father’s friends and coworkers were always on campus and I knew I would be screwed if we were caught together. We had a couple of close calls over the months but it was all worth it because I hadn’t been that happy in years.
Now, to the day I left and why. You see, my parents' behavior towards Scott was becoming more aggressive and worse over time. They also had, in my opinion, a drinking problem. Considering they didn’t deny it when I called them out, they may agree. They would behave more hostile after several drinks and it was happening so consistently I was constantly walking on eggshells. Between the way they treated Scott, the way they treated me and the constant stress I was under trying to balance my life in fear of the repercussions, things became too much. When things weren’t going to shit, I was consistently expected to either babysit my brother and do chores while being a full time college student and working a part time job WHILE attending church multiple times a week and keeping up with my responsibilities as a senior. This is on top of the stress my parents' behavior caused, meanwhile James was expected to do almost nothing in comparison. Don’t get me wrong- he didn’t do anything, but he had almost no responsibilities outside of school and his extracurriculars which were exclusively funded by my parents. Yes he helped with dishes during the week and would keep his space tidy. But as my schedule became much more flexible due to my school schedule, my expectations around the house became much higher than his. Even though I paid 200 a month on gas, 50 a month for insurance and 50 a month for the phone bill, and he paid nothing for his car, insurance, phone, gas, nothing. So you would think he would be expected to help in the house more but no. Also, James’s behavior towards Scott mimicked my parents and so all babysitting responsibilities fell on me as they couldn’t be trusted alone together. I was rarely if ever paid for my cleaning or babysitting services as it was my responsibility as their eldest child. They would also consistently judge me for my weight, cloths, hair, hobbies, etc. Why did I think it was a good idea to get fast food? I clearly didn’t need it. They would “outfit check me” to make sure the outfits I wore were feminine enough because the way I look effected their reputation and I couldn’t be trusted. I was not allowed to cut my hair after their tantrum over it. As for my hobbies, I stopped playing sports in middle school as I am very short (currently 5 foot even) and was unable to keep up with my peers. However my interest in video games and cartoons wasn’t feminine enough and they proceeded to compare me to my best friend Grace because she was skinnier and liked more feminine things than I did which hurt a lot. Another thing for context, I have PCOS. It’s an endocrine disorder that heavily effects your metabolism and hormones, which in turn severely effected my weight, however my parents never acknowledged it and again made everything my fault. So from what I wore, what I ate, who I hung out with and what I enjoyed doing was constantly criticized, scrutinized and eventually controlled by my family for years. On top of everything else, I was done. I was 18, I had resaved the thousand I paid my family and knew I was at a place where I didn’t need them and was tired of being treated like shit. So I left.
The night I moved out was a total shit show. I had rallied Dean and my other friend, let’s call them Rita (18NB), and they helped me form a plan. When I returned home, Dean and Rita would be on their way. I would pack everything that belonged to me or I felt they would let me take, and prep the bags outside. After Rita arrived I went to try and explain to my parents that I would be leaving and explain calmly why. In a perfect world, we would have had a long deep talk, and things would have ended alright. That is far, far from what happened. They immediately starting screaming, and took my phone and car keys as both belonged to them, which I calmly handed over. Rita was there for emotional support, and put themselves between me and my parents as they got more angry and seemed to be turning aggressive. After that, my father called the police and claimed that there was an intruder in their home trying to take their child. Yeah. Complete bullshit- which to this day I’m surprised they were never charged with falsifying a 911 call. They screamed at Rita to get out of their home and was screaming that I was throwing away everything and I needed to reconsider. I ignored them and attempted to calmly walk out, and my parents attempted to barricade the doors while harassing Rita to leave. Because Rita is incredible and one of my closest friends now, they refused to leave without me which was very calming. While my parents were distracted yelling at them, I slipped out through the garage. My mother saw this and then grabbed me, attempting to drag me inside by my arm. Rita saw this and assisted me in getting her off me, and after doing so we continued to walk towards Dean’s car where he was waiting for us. He figured it would be best if my family didn’t see him for the time being as they would definitely lose their minds at seeing his face. My parents continued screaming and then the cops arrived. They were quite confused at first because they had been sent to deal with a potential kidnapping, only to see two grown adults throwing a tantrum because their adult child didn’t want to live with them anymore. That night was honestly so insane I could write three more pages about everything they said and did. The most notable events were first when my mother tried to explain to the police that because I was her child, she was allowed to put her hands on me, which they humorously informed her was not the case. The next was when James came home from theater rehearsal, to which my parents told them that I was abandoning our family. He was an emotional wreck through all of it, and to this day has told me that until I “fix” things with our parents he is not okay with having any form of relationship with me. Throughout all of this Scott was in his room, and I was allowed to give him one last hug before leaving. The final and most notable thing, was as the cops allowed my boyfriend, Rita and I to leave, my father threatened violence towards my boyfriend and accused him of "taking advantage of his underage daughter," which is just ridiculous as we are practically the same age, and anything we had done together was consensual and reserved for after I turned 18. Another thing my parents did was go through each bag I had packed and took everything they felt belonged to them, including the laptop provided to me by my high school, which they hilariously were made to give back to me several days later as it was not theirs and they had no right to take it. They tried claiming they were giving it to me out of the kindness of their hearts, but that bullshit meant nothing as after I informed the school of their behavior, the school assured me they would be made to give it back. Another thing they threatened to do as I left was pull me out of high school, which I was assured by the police they were not capable of doing as I was 18. The police were for the most part annoyed with my parents, tired of their bs and told me I seemed to be a capable young woman and wished me the best of luck. My parents had tried to ask the police to say I was mentally unstable for the time being so I wouldn’t be allowed to leave, as their “she’s still in high school” excuse didn’t do anything. You see, as my father is an influential church figure and had friends in the police force, he thought they would be on his side but was sorely mistaken as the chief told him they wouldn’t be doing him any favors. And with that, I was free.
My boyfriend's family has been nothing but unconditionally kind and supportive and have accepted me as part of their family which has been a huge blessing in all of this. I am in contact with my father’s sister and his father, my aunt and grandpa, and as I have expressed my unhappiness at home, they are supportive of me as well. However, as my aunt lives further away and my grandpa is not in the best place to have me live with him, I have been with my boyfriend's family since I left home in October. I have a lot more I could say but I already feel like there are way too many parts here and so for now I’ll leave it at this. So yeah, AITA for moving out after I was treated like shit for years while witnessing the mistreatment of my sibling?

39m, 200lb, 6'10", long-time anxiety sufferer
I imagine that the doctor's office is full of hypochondriacs and I'm curious to hear from a medical professional's perspective, does anxiety itself manifest into real symptoms? Pains, sensations, sickness, etc.? I have always had anxiety, most recently a lot of health anxiety (especially cancer phobia), and I've noticed that when I develop something that I think is a new sensation or symptom, my mind will hyper-fixate on it and the sensation will feel even worse. I've been to the doctor a couple of times for some issues only to have them give me a clean bill of health, and only after that do the symptoms disappear. Sometimes they will reappear again down the road and the anxious cycle starts again. Is this a real thing?

*If there is a better thread to post this under, please let me know :).
My mom had a fall few weeks ago, which resulted in her losing a couple of her front teeth and some fractures to her mandible and teeth. After she was discharged from the hospital, we went to her PCP, who referred her to an oral surgeon within her health plan network. My mom has Medicare (including a Medicare Advantage Plan) and Medicaid. We proceeded with the consultation since we had an authorization from the health insurance, but the oral surgery office had let us know that the oral surgeon is not in the dental plan network and therefore will be an out-of-network provider. The recommended oral surgery would include teeth extraction (D7210), bone grafting (D7953) and general anesthesia (D9222) for three teeth and will cost approximately 7k.
I was originally under the impression that because the oral surgery is needed due to trauma/injury/fall and not for cosmetic/teeth health reasons, the procedures will be billed to medical insurance, but after calling a different oral surgery office to ask, they told me that different offices bill differently, but it seems both offices would bill to dental insurance instead of medical insurance. The dental coverage under my mom's Medicare Advantage Plan has a quarterly allowance of a few hundred dollars, so we would still be responsible for at least 6k for the surgery. My mom's dental coverage through Medicaid is still processing so I'm unable to confirm if it will provide some coverage at the moment.
So I guess my questions are:

1. Does Original Medicare (Parts A & B) provide coverage for oral surgeries due to trauma/injury? If so, does it matter whether the surgeon bills to dental or medical? Assuming the surgeon bills to dental and only gets the allowance from the Medicare Advantage Plan (Part C) or we pay upfront and get reimbursed the allowance amount, can I submit a claim of the remaining amount to Medicare to see if they're able to reimburse?
   
2. My mom's dental insurance for Medicaid and Medicare Advantage Plan are with the same company (and therefore have the same in-network dentists/providers). Does anyone know what the Medicaid coverage is like for the procedures (with codes) above? If Medicaid can at least cover the teeth extractions or whatnot, that will help alleviate some of the out-of-pocket costs.
   

I understand that each patient/plan is different and coverage isn't the same for everyone, but some general insight would be helpful to just give me an idea of our backup plans.

Hey guys,
I would appreciate a bit of your time to help me out with my situation.
HR today announced to me verbally that I will receive a termination letter shortly. I am working for them in Germany since April 2022, after I moved from other country working for the same group. In total it’s 10 years, but 2 officially in Germany.
My wife moved with me, we are expecting a baby in mid-June, and my last day should be end of June. She moved in Jan, and does not have any salary or parental leave money.
This company did some nasty things to few other colleagues earlier as well so this is not surprising me. They went to court, both of them, and won.
Anyway, the bad thing is I don’t have legal insurance, and I would like to avoid that, but to have some good deal in place and to shut the door forever.
What would you advise me to do, and which rights I have? If further clarification is needed, feel free to ask in comments.
Thank you everyone for your time.
Cheers!

I am unsure of the best course of action for my situation. Im new to learning these processes so any guidance is extremely valuable to me.
The story goes like this: I closed my cell phone account last fall (T-Mobile) and believed i had a zeroed out, closed account. There was the final bill and interest charged and ongoing service for an extra month. I was unaware until the beginning of May and received a collections from Radius Global Solutions LLC. This account has also been named to me as Frontline Asset Strategies. This was a debt of about $345 and a fee from the collections of around $90. As of writing this i have not contacted this collections company in any way. My letter states i have until May 29 to write and dispute this debt.
Currently, no reporting has been made on my credit report of this balance in collections.
I contacted T-Mobile directly to check if this debt was true or a scam. They verified what happened and I explained i didn't receive my final bill due to my address on file being a demolished building that was replaced with a large complex using a different address. The mail forwarding never made it to my next address, but the collections have sent it to my current address after moving from the forwarding address. T-Mobile was able to remove $150 from my account balance and I paid the remaining balance in full.
They stated they do not report to credit reporting and that the collections agency will be sending me a letter confirming my payment. They stated my payment would post to the collections agency after two business days. They advised me to call Frontline Asset Strategies to confirm the payment and that nothing has hit my credit report. T-Mobile has stated that they cannot recall the debt from the collections agency upon me asking after further research.
My question is, is how should i go about contacting the collections agency? Since this debt is not reported on my credit report, will contacting them result in them reporting it even though it was paid off to the original creditor? Should i request a verification of debt? A goodwill letter? Any advice is appreciated.. I really need to find a way to avoid reporting of this.. Thanks in advance!
TLDR: Collections notice received in mail, balance not yet reported to credit bureaus, balance paid off to original creditor. what are next steps to avoid the collections agency reporting the debt resulting in a hit to my credit?

I just moved to NYC in February after my wife landed a new role as an HR Manager in Manhattan. It's been a dream for both of us to move to Brooklyn for a while, but this wasn't the most ideal situation. She was laid off last year ($96k total comp) and so was I, but she found work and so we made the move. I was laid off last year making $83k total comp in Houston, TX and I managed to snag a consulting role for a small petroleum company ($50k), and got laid off shortly after by them too after they ran into some major accounting issues and laid off all new hires (HR, sales, marketing). I haven’t been able to land a new job in 8 months. We had a lifestyle built around us making $150k+ and since then we've moved out, sold half our belongings, gotten rid of all of our cars, downsized considerably, but also racked up credit card debt managing health costs without insurance and moving costs to get to NY.
I'm currently working part-time at an app development agency as a Content Marketing Associate in midtown Manhattan, but it's hardly enough to keep up with the cost of living in NYC and I can't lay the full responsibility of taking care of the household at my wife's feet, especially as we have more 2 family members moving in with us next month to finish college in NY. They'll be able to support themselves, so I'm not worried about paying for them - it's just a lot of responsibility that would be better managed if I had a full-time job.
I’ve done product marketing, social media, SEO, sales enablement, content creation and management, video production, and been in B2B SaaS, retail B2C, ERP, and app development since my first internship. Everyone I pass my resume to says it’s one of the best they’ve seen for my level of experience, including a graduate marketing professor from the University of Vermont. I have photography, graphics, video and marketing samples to provide every employer, yet … nothing.
I see ALOT of roles on LinkedIn and ZipRecruiter posting for $45-$60k and I do wonder how that’s enough for experienced applicants with 3-6 years of experience working in Manhattan, even if you lived way out in Queens bc it is NOT cheap. I apply anyways, beggers can't be choosers. But at the same time, are people really getting hired in NYC right now for marketing roles? I was told to shoot for $90-$130k for my level of experience. Alot of my friends are actually earning about $120k with some earning over $200k working as PMs and PMMs, without MBAs.
But I have been getting ghosted or outright rejected and I’ve applied to nearly 800 positions now (since last June). Initially, I was spamming applications, but then I decided to really hone in and just focus on what I'm good at and that's product and content marketing. Nearly 60 or so of my applications have been referrals so my network is pretty used up too. I've also been to maybe 10-12 tech and marketing networking events since getting here, even hanging out around NYU and Columbia's MBA students to see if they could refer me to any contacts they had from their previous roles. My network grew but nobody is actually hiring marketers.
Right now anything over $50k would help my family out with bills, even if it’s not the going rate for the city. But I’m surprised at how many people are suggesting that marketers should shoot for higher in NYC given my experience. I'll admit, I didn't enter into product marketing thinking I'd be making less than 6 figures by the time I was 5 years in but with COVID, inflation, all the stupid short-term contract roles and layoffs, yada yada yada; I'm not being picky. I just want to work for a good company, use my skillset, and provide for my family. I’m working part time as a content marketing associate for an app development agency so I’m keeping my resume up to date but it’s like an intern’s pay and like I said I’m coming up on 5 years of total experience; this current role isn't the most stimulating for me either. What can I do differently?
Also, here's my resume - destroy me or tell me what I can improve. Any help would be seriously appreciated. If anyone's in the NYC area and wants to meet up for a coffee or bagel, I'm so down at this point. I just need some help getting my foot in the door. Reddit has saved my ass a ton in the past, hoping I can find some answers here again! Thank you!!!
TLDR - I'm in NYC, working part time, with 4-5 years marketing experience, can't land a job, need some pointers. Thanks!
https://preview.redd.it/fjpjkmtain0d1.jpg?width=1700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9bb6426610ef39f28ad167723269280aa96b6d84

I have around 30,000 dollars of credit card debt.
One of my debts is being payed down but they are raising the amount I owe next month... which I am worried about. They issued a lawsuit against me....
So I have other creditors mostly credit cards and now I have another notice from the same company above (MIDLAND) that sent me a pre- legal notification. ..
this debt has been sold at least twice before but I haven't been able to act on much of any of my debt due to crippling health injuries. (Long term Covid / brain fog, hospitalization etc).
I am feeling a bit better to deal with this matter but I know I am deep in the hole.
SO for this one creditor... should I bother sending them a letter asking for more information. I know where the debt originally came from but I am concerned about how many times it has bounced around . Is it worth it sending them a letter requiring them to give me this information?
The other issue... I am honestly unable to pay off the entire amounts. I can maybe pay $10 dollars a month on this particular card .. (which is is around 3,000 dollars).
I had a tough time negotiating with Midland once the lawsuit on the other card occured. .. but I cannot reasonably afford another $100 dollars a month on this debt.. as of now.
I have lost a few years since the pandemic and have struggled to get back on my feet. Things have just not lined up the way I had hoped they would and now with inflation I can barely afford food.
Recommendations? Tips.
Here is the sample letter I pulled..
"To whom it may concern.
I am responding to your contact about a debt you are trying to collect. You contacted me by
Mail on May 1^st, 2024 and identified the debt as from \*****S Bank. Please supply the information below so that I can be fully informed:*
~Why you think I owe the debt and to whom I owe it, including:~

• The name and address of the creditor to whom the debt is currently owed, the account number used by that creditor, and the amount owed.

• If this debt started with a different creditor, provide the name and address of the original creditor, the account number used by that creditor, and the amount owed to that creditor at the time it was transferred. When you identify the original creditor, please provide any other
name by which I might know them, if that is different from the official name. In addition, tell me when the current creditor obtained the debt and who the current creditor obtained it from.

• Provide verification and documentation that there is a valid basis for claiming that I am required to pay the debt to the current creditor. For example, can you provide a copy of the written agreement that created my original requirement to pay?

• If you are asking that I pay a debt that somebody else is or was required to pay, identify that person. Provide verification and documentation about why this is a debt that I am required to pay.

~The amount and age of the debt, including:~

• A copy of the last billing statement sent to me by the original creditor.

• State the amount of the debt when you obtained it, and when that was.

• If there have been any additional interest, fees or charges added since the last billing statement from the original creditor, provide an itemization showing the dates and amount of each added amount. In addition, explain how the added interest, fees or other charges are expressly authorized by the agreement creating the debt or are permitted by law.

• If there have been any payments or other reductions since the last billing statement from the original creditor, provide an itemization showing the dates and amount of each of them.
• If there have been any other changes or adjustments since the last billing statement from the original creditor, please provide full verification and documentation of the amount you are trying to collect. Explain how that amount was calculated. In addition, explain how the other changes or adjustments are expressly authorized by the agreement creating the debt or permitted by law.

• Tell me when the creditor claims this debt became due and when it became delinquent.

• Identify the date of the last payment made on this account.

• Have you made a determination that this debt is within the statute of limitations applicable to it? Tell me when you think the statute of limitations expires for this debt, and how you determined that.

~Details about your authority to collect this debt.~

• I would like more information about your firm before I discuss the debt with you. Does your firm have a debt collection license from my state? If not, say why not. If so, provide the date of the license, the name on the license, the license number, and the name, address and telephone number of the state agency issuing the license.

• If you are contacting me from a place outside my state, does your firm have a debt collection license from that place? If so, provide the date of the license, the name on the license, the license number, and the name, address and telephone number of the state agency issuing the license.


I have asked for this information because I have some questions. I need to hear from you to make an informed decision about your claim that I owe this money. I am open to communicating with you for this purpose. In order to make sure that I am not put at any disadvantage, in the meantime please treat this debt as being in dispute and under discussion between us.


In addition to providing the information requested above, please let me know whether you are prepared to accept less than the balance you are claiming is owed. If so, please tell me in writing your offer with the amount you will accept to fully resolve the account.

Thank you for your cooperation. Sincerely,

Welp, my weight loss journey with wegovy will have to be paused!
I got a letter from my insurance stating I don’t meet criteria for coverage, solely because I don’t have an updated weight within the last 30 days showing a maintained 5% loss since starting🙄. I don’t see my doc until sept so I was planning on appealing with my scale app which I’ve been weighing in weekly now.
Unfortunately, I had to sack that plan as I have just had a positive pregnancy test a week later 🫣😭my doctor is gonna be so disappointed in me!🙄😣
Oh well 😮‍💨I really didn’t think I was capable of conceiving again but here we are! Wish me luck!
For reference: 40(f) 5’6” Sw 304lbs, Cw 217lbs, GW 190-210lbs
Had been on wegovy since mid March’23 On 1.7mg since July’23 ✌🏻