Problem: I struggle to think of things I want to do in D&D
Things I think are contributing to this (but if you think there's something else please ask/tell!): - Lack of experience making characters: Usually I mold myself to the most interesting set of characteristics based on my limitations. With D&D there is no limitations, so it's hard for me to pick since it's hard for me to pick one thing over another since there's examples of me having fun with any sort of character in some video game/media. Trying to make a character based off myself is hard because I usually view myself as the most boring person since I am myself all day everyday - I don't know what I want to do in D&D: Probably ties in with character creation & the character's motivation, but I as a player don't know what I want to do. It also makes it very hard that I really really enjoy just sitting around relaxing while people are doing stuff. However if I am doing that I may as well just watch critical role or something. I'm trying to get creative and interact with the world with my friends since I know it is possible to get to something that is significantly more fun than just watching people do stuff - Overly afraid of taking up too much time/making decisions that force players to go a certain way: No one has every been bothered by me taking up too much time, rather they are bothered by my lack of doing anything. They try to be supportive, but there's always part of me that worries too much that it'll make it a bad/boring experience for others. It's not like super massive anxiety like I used to, but there's this lingering feeling of "Uuugh... I reaaally don't want to deal with that right now. I just wanna chill" sort of vibes
Summary of Experiences if you want context on my experience with D&D: - 1st and current Campaign gone on for 4 years once every week: Started off trying to be a Paladin because I wanted to fill the tank & healer roles, not realizing that's really not that important in D&D. Though since it was Paladin, I kinda went full on lawful good paladin, so I was probably putting a lot more restrictions on myself that I didn't need to do. Later was more neutral good due to the rest of the party kinda resembling an loot goblin type party, and it is kinda hard to justify their actions (which also made me feel a bit out of place) After a while after taking a large risk in a dangerous zone, my character got turned into a Hydra (and then later on full on multi-headed dragon and stuff for other reasons). Everyone loves the fact that it's a big ol' dragon and stuff, however after a while it feels like the hydra thing is a crutch, and that it's gotten repetitive at this point since there's not much else to the character than that. Don't think it's a problem, but I do remember old power gamey member (who later left for reasons) being jealous of how strong the hydra was, and being mad at me for not using it's power to just destroy everything. Then my DM was also very confused why I am so afraid to initiate combat with anything. I just don't want to get into combat fights if it means one of my team members might die, especially since I find RP type alternatives much more interesting most of the time. Combat still fun though, it's a nice little break from all the RP stuff. Longer fights do end up feeling like just doing spreadsheets though, and they do tend to make me get a little too relaxed that I start to get very sleepy Recently I've tried to make a more normal character that is just an artificer armorer that wants to research the world, but I realized just how absolute trash I am at making characters once I gave it a few test runs. Even though it's the same level, it's interesting going from my OP other character that has gotten power ups for doing certain things, and being rich from hoarding thousands of gold (since I'm afraid to spend it on anything, or nothing interests me enough to buy), to going to a character that does like 1/3 the damage of other characters and 10 gold. That said, really makes me realize I really can't care about how strong/weak my characters are at all. Again, makes me feel out of place among my loot-goblin party members

• 2nd Campaign was probably half a year: Smallest group of players generally just 2 players for most sessions, but sometimes it got up to 4-5 players. I also attempted to make a jerk kobold character to contrast the character from my first campaign. Couldn't really keep up the rude persona though, and turned more into the guy that has a good heart but is rough around the edges sort of deal by the end of the campaign (also my IRL personality started seeping into the character more as time went on. Part of that was because of all the puzzles that I loved making me have to think really hard). Though sometimes I wonder if I should count this because this was a D&D session in VR where everyone was doing voices and doing poses. We'd play in a D&D map with miniatures, dice rollers, and the DM would draw things to give a better idea of what is happening in the world, and he was very experimental and it was awesome. That said, makes me wonder if it being in VR biased my experience to love this campaign so much. At that point you're basically just LARPing
  
• Various 1 shot campaigns: With random people, but with only one friend in common, it was really hard for anyone to get any sort of good chemistry with each other so it pretty bad
  

Any questions or suggestions?

Is it a bad idea to move in together?
I (20F) have been with my bf (22M) for 7 months. We want to move in together this fall, so we will have been together for 9 months at that point. I’ve gotten mixed reactions from family so I wanted to get opinions from other people on Reddit. He has been living on his own/with roommates since he was 18. I have never rented my own place but have lived in dorms with roommates since I was 18 as well.
Every time we hang out it is essentially a sleepover. Honestly, most of the time we spend together is just casually hanging out as his place or mine, rather than actual dates or nights out. It feels like what we do is what most couples that already live together do such as making dinner, watching a movie, or just hanging out and scrolling on our phones. We have spent weekends together, been on trips together, met families, did 1 month long distance, etc. Also, it’s worth noting that I would be moving into his place and wouldn’t technically be on the lease due to the agreement he has with his landlord of sorts, so in the chance we ended things I wouldn’t be bound to a contract.
We both agree that we don’t want to rush anything, but we both feel ready that this is the right move. My concern is just the fact that everyone says you ruin a good thing when you move in together. Many people have told me that I’ll lose my independence before I’ve really had it, which I disagree with. I’ve lived on my own for two years, and I just feel that I would be happier living with him than having my own place first. I feel that since we’ve been together we still have maintained our own personal lives and haven’t been completely just wrapped up in each other. He works full-time, I’m a senior in college, and we are both in different walks of life but we still work well together and maintain boundaries.
Another concern that has been raised is communication. We both communicate very well and aren’t afraid to tell each other when we need alone time or if we feel certain things aren’t being understood, appreciated, etc. I feel that if we move in together we will be able to manage the house and figure out chores, shopping, and groceries easily together as we tend to be on the same page about a lot of stuff. We are both neat people and smart about money.
I know I am fully capable of finding my own place, and I understand why people are asking what the rush is. I’m worried however that if I do decide to find my own place first, I know the lease is going to be one year which means we won’t be able to move in together until that is up which is wayyy longer than either of us wants to wait. Also, it would be a lot of money spent that could have been saved (I know people say not to move in together just to save money, but it isn’t the main reason why we want to).
So, what is the best move here? I want to hear honest thoughts and opinions.
TL;DR: I want to move in with my boyfriend but I don’t want it to ruin our relationship. Should I wait another year and a half or move in a couple months?

So a little context, I work at a cell phone carrier and have many friends and family on my account. Because I work there, I get a discount, and my friends and family all pay me a slightly higher amount than I pay for their phones each month. I do this so that I can give them a great deal (each person pays about half the rate of a normal plan), and I can also have a reduced cell phone bill for my own lines. It's a win-win for both parties, they save about $45 per month each and I make about $15 per month each line. I do this for both friends and family.
About 4 years ago I had an acquaintance reach out to me and ask for help switching to my company. I asked her if she wanted to join my plan instead of being on her own so that she could save way more money and she agreed. I told her the price and she was ecstatic, because she would be saving roughly $45 on her bill each month. I did not tell her at this time that I was going to be profiting about $15 per month off her line. This wasn't intentional, I honestly think it just slipped my mind telling her at the time. I did not see it as a big deal that I forgot to tell her because of the amazing deal that I was giving her. After about 2 years of always paying on time, she broke her phone and called me because she couldn't afford a new phone in cash, so I let her finance one on my plan. I told her the only stipulation is that if she wants to leave my plan before she finishes paying off the phone, she needs to pay off the remaining balance. She agrees and tells me that she would never screw me over.
I then tell her on the same phone call "Hey just so you know, I charge you and everyone else on my plan more than what the line costs me so that my personal phone bill is cheaper, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you when you signed up in the first place." She tells me that she has absolutely zero problem with that because she was getting such a good deal and that she figured I was anyway.
Fast forward to today, she calls me out of the blue and tells me she's switching to her boyfriend's plan and asks for the transfer pin so that she can keep her number. She's super friendly on the phone. I tell her that it's no problem, she just needs to pay off the remaining balance of her phone (about $300). She says okay no problem I'll venmo you. I generate her transfer pin but right as I'm about to send it to her, I have this feeling that I should make sure she sends me the money first. I text her and say "Hey I just generated the transfer pin, I'll send it to you once I receive your phone payoff."
Instead of sending me the money, she texts me back and asks me how much I was making off her phone line. I text her back and say $15. This chick then proceeds to tell me that "You have made $1000 off me over the past four years, you can pay for it." I'm honestly shocked at this point because she was completely reasonable on the phone and now she's trying to get me to pay off HER phone balance. I tell her that sorry, I'm not going to do that, we made an agreement and she is responsible for her phone. She then starts calling me a nasty person saying that I was screwing her over and that I'm an awful person for profiting off a vulnerable person, you get the picture.
She then blocks my phone number and all socials. I call my dad and ask him what to do, and he tells me to send her a venmo request saying that I will be going down to the sheriff's office to file a police report for the device that she stole from me since technically it is my property until it's paid off, and that if she does not pay me back I will be taking her to small claims court. She immediately completes the venmo request and then texts me from her new number saying the same stuff she was saying before. I tell her I'm going to send her the transfer pin now and she just responds with "don't bother."
Now she's threatening to take ME to small claims court to recoup the money that I made from her because she didn't know the amount that I was profiting. I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a case but let me know, AITAH?

putting a tw for: body shaming at a young age, negative food talk, emotional neglect/abuse possibly, bad negative self talk, derealisation, body dysphoria issues, suicidal talk/depression, weight loss talk. plz be advised when reading or don’t if its too heavy.
also this is long, im just hoping someone would take the time to read and provide what they can. no one is obligated to read, thanks.
im genuinely starting to get upset and its killing me inside, when i look for support or any help anywhere there is none. all the content on instagram is targeted towards those who’ve made it past that age and survived having to cover up or not dress how they want. no one ever seems to care about the teen and tween girls who currently deal with this kind of stuff cause it seems to them it doesn’t exist anymore. its disappointing to see and shows i dont belong in any community so i’ve come here
im currently 17 and for the past multiple years ever since i started being heavier around the end of 5th grade it feels like my father has been more ashamed of his daughters body and has tried to cover me up and tell me what i should wear. im also dealing with covering up my severe depression and trauma so theres more thats kinda related to this but i dont want to stray off topic
when i was four my dad put me in the child acting industry based in la/weho. that wasn’t that traumatic for me honestly and didn’t take away from being a child but during that time my dad would sometimes get angry when i wanted a snack such as chips or a cookie, he would threaten me and be like “youre gonna grow as big as a house” or “of course you want the cookies”. keep in mind i was only in early elementary school around this time. and in fifth grade he signed me up for this shoot where it was some sort of tv pilot pitch where it was described as the biggest loser for kids and they had other slimmer kids on set that wore fat suits basically and i was the biggest one there. i belived i had to have a fitness routine at 11 in the fifth grade and started working out for two days
into middle school i started getting known for being a bigger girl but i remember around 7th-8th grade my dad kept saying how the clothes i had were too small when i was just trying to dress trendy or like similar styles like any middle school girl. if not that then it was stuff that was too “childish” or fit snug on me. this is when i started to feel totally repulsed about my body and dreaming about wearing what i wanted. and even to this day he periodically will get upset and disappointed in me being dressed down with my hair up just to do something mundane or for my therapy appointment. i was wearing hoodies or shirts with leggings. i remember when we were at six flags for my birthday and i was wearing a cute tank top that slightly showed a bit of tummy and he forcibly pulled the shirt down.
and getting into high school and up into this point he periodically, gets mad and upset when im wearing a certain outfit to go somewhere simple or drags me into the plus sized women’s section of kohls to look for clothes i don’t need and want. i remember when he took me to get my blood drawn i was on my period and wore pants that i typically do cause im uncomfy naturally on it and he got mad and i went into my room trying to calm down and not argue because its pointless with him, and i already knew he was gonna come in and go in my closet and tell me to change into a different pair of pants i don’t wear or what he liked. i always have to please what he likes or i should be wearing in my size.
up until recently he’s telling me i need to get a new wardrobe, that all my clothes are small when they just fit snug or my tummy shows through, (i go thrifting with my mom alot), and convincing me to shop in the plus sized women’s section of jcpenny and kohls. mind you he’s in his early 60s so i dont wanna hear “who still shops there” cause thats not making me feel better about myself at all. i remember he took me to see the women’s shorts and pants, all straight fitting long shorts that were two sizes too big on me. him sending me pictures of mens shirts that are oversized on me because i have some mens pants that i wear as jeans. when he took me shopping recently for athletic wear and told me i NEEDED new shorts and pants because the ones my mom gets are “too tight” when they fit me comfortably and the shorts i have to try on are long and big on me, i literally put them on and feel disgusting like im dressing for pe class, i dont say anything other than they just look plain in which he tells me im not supposed to look stylish at the gym and be comfortable. but when i wear them to the gym they keep falling down on me past half my ass no matter how much i have the draw string tied and im constantly pulling them up. when i have to struggle to not tell him i dont like any of the stuff he chooses for me or think fits since he gets mad and angry about it but also gets upset when i dont wear any of the things he gets me. and for the past two years i start to realize why he’s getting me to wear oversized or bigger clothes for me, because anything my size is too tight basically.
he’s told me my first cosplay i put together myself at fifteen looks raggedy and made me look like a street urchin, he didn’t let me get thin framed glasses i liked that were in our budget because my head was too wide for them and they just looked ugly to him, when he got a dress i needed for a cosplay in my size he made my mom try it on before i did and told me it was tight on her, said that the brand name suggested it was too small, kept telling i needed a bigger size, then when i tried it on and it fit perfectly he kept wondering if it was too tight. i dont even want to do any cosplay or get better cause of him and i cant even dress or put effort in outfits like i did in middle school. now i just feel like a burden cause of my body, something that needs to be hidden away, like everything is my fault because im bigger.
i feel repulsed and never take pictures, only when i feel like i should. my dad doesn’t take pictures of me anymore or puts up any photos of me in middle school or high school like he did my brother, only those photos of me as a young child. now im dealing with binge eating habits that affect me, weighing more than my parents, having shame about eating in public, feeling guilt when i eat, and not feeling like a person. even if friends take fun pictures of me i feel freaked out. im not living, and i dont know how im supposed to be accepted by this community when im forced to hate myself in real life and get jealous over those who’ve already made it past the shame in hiding themselves or appealing to society’s standards. and this is on top of processing me hiding my autism and severe depression and trauma. i dont want to keep dealing with thinner people who dont understand. and dont even ask if my mother is better, she just tells me that my dad would hate certain clothes and constantly nags me about having to shop at torrid. and im hoping to move out into a dorm around next year but this is something that’s killing me besides other things and i dont have any support because im the biggest person i know personally.

This is because the density (amount of points/space on the graph) of the points below the line is much greater than the points above the line. Link to Graph Image
It's quite likely overplotting of points - you might have 1000 points in the bottom right of the display all one on top of the other, so it looks like one point or only a few points but is in fact many points, thus giving you a misleading impression. There's various options for avoiding the overplotting issue.
The easiest way to fix this in simple terms would be:
i) Smaller points to reduce overlap of non-identical points
ii) jitter: add a little uniform noise to the xs (and the ys if there's any discreteness/exact coincidence there; 0 values for example)
iii) transparency: Partly transparent points will let points underneath show through darker
iv) use of symbols to indicate repeated values
Ps. You don't have to use all of them at once but some combos work together well, for example, you can combine any of the first three.
Discord Chat info@getstacked.pro (Email)

Will Pay $15 + $5 to Signup on Robinhood Gold
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PLEASE READ THE DIRECTIONS. DM me with any interests or questions!

1. Download the Robinhood app and create a Robinhood account. You can have an existing account, but cannot have an active Robinhood Gold subscription.
   
2. Make sure you are already logged into Robinhood app, then go to my referral link
   
3. Select "Reserve Your Spot" which will open the Robinhood app
   
4. In the app, it will tell you to signup for the waitlist by having you sign up for Robinhood Gold. Complete the steps and sign up for Robinhood Gold.
   
5. (IMPORTANT) If you haven't had Robinhood Gold before, the first 30 days are free, then the fee is $5 for the month afterwards. I only get rewarded after the free trial ends and the $5 is paid for the first month.
   
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Thanks!

I’m a new grad LPN who went PRN at the hospital I’m working at to work Full time in a nursing home. I will only be there until the end of August because I am starting my RN bridge program. I generally hate nursing homes because of the people who work there. I’ve never had a good experience in terms of bullying and terrible treatment. But my hospital job does not pay well and I need to make and save money for school and this place was paying the most.
The job is ok. Nothing terrible. But the nurses I have to deal with on day shift are all insane and questionable individuals. I can deal with 2 of them because they are easy to ignore. But one in particular has really been bothering me and I don’t know how to deal with it to save my own sanity. I’ve known her in passing for years since I was a CNA at this same place. But she found out that I’m going back for my RN through gossip and I believe that’s why she’s been acting this way. And she always comes to work 30 minutes late so I always leave at least 45 minutes late. On my first day meeting her again there was no warm greeting, only a Hello and then my name.
At one point she went on a tirade about why she’ll never go back for her RN and how being one is pointless and stupid and such a bad idea. And she went on and on for quite a while about it. She was telling this all to someone else completely unprovoked. The conversation had nothing to do with but she she just brought it right up out of nowhere and was looking at me the entire time. And she was so worked up. I thought it was strange but I wasn’t bothered by it. But every time I give her report she always does the same things. She ALWAYS walks away from me as I’m giving report and she’s never actually doing anything. She just walks away pretending to do random things and tells me she’s still listening which means I have to talk louder. But I never get a full sentence out. She ALWAYS cuts me of as I’m trying to tell her things about the patients to have a conversation with the other nurse or one of the CNAs and make sly jokes. I never get to give a full report because she never lets me finish it. At one point I was trying to tell her that I redressed a patient’s wound, but she cut me off to start laughing and talking to a CNA.
She and this same CNA also mocked me and the way that I talk and make faces at each other making fun of me when they think I don’t notice. She also belittles and talks down to me as if I’m a child or stupid. It’s so bad. I don’t know how to approach this because there are people all around us and they are all her friends and I don’t want any trouble. I feel like I have to just sit and let them make fun of me and intimidate me. I’m also on the autism spectrum so a lot of things I don’t pick up on right away and by the time realize it, it’s too late. And I am not good with confrontation or recognizing certain things in the moment that they happen. I’m always so nice to her and to everyone else and I just feel like they think I’m stupid. Or maybe they are just intimidated that I want to advance farther than them just want me to believe I am. I don’t know.

Hi! For anonymous purposes, I’m just going to say my name is Andy. I’m (22M) and I got my heart broken for the first time last year. Also for anonymous purposes, her name will be Veronica. She was (28F) and we had met at a concert. We started talking, and at the end of the concert we got each others Instagram. After that night we started texting each other everyday for about 2 weeks. Within those 2 weeks we were calling , always talking. We finally decided on a random night to meet up at a park, and it was great. I immediately had a connection, and we did kiss on the first date. After that we began talking more than usual, and we had went out on a second date.
Towards the end of the second date, we went into the back of her car and started making out, but nothing beyond just sucking her bonkers. Once we were done we started talking more, and made it exclusive to make this work out. We were never together, but we liked each other a lot (from what I felt). We went on a third date to watch the new spiderverse movie, and after we went on her street, parked, and then we did everything except for actually doing the deed. After everything we were just chilling in the back, and we were joking around. I slipped up and accidentally said I loved her. Now I know what y’all are thinking. But I’m extremely used to telling my friends that I love them because that’s just our relationship with each other. I also didn’t say it in a romantic way. But it was still my fault. I panicked and she realized that I didn’t mean it that way. So she said it was okay and that she knew I didn’t mean it like that.
After the night I went home happy. Now before I get onto the next part of what happened. She had gotten out of a 8 year relationship 8 months ago during the time that we were going out (I know, big mistake, found that out the hard way). She also constantly kept telling me she likes me a lot and basically kept assuring me throughout the whole time that she wanted this to work with me and be with me at some point. I’ve also never had a serious relationship before and she was okay with that.
So going on to the next part of this. She had went out to Disneyland with her family for the week as a vacation since they are from San Diego, and she lives here in LA. Her texts started being weird, and kinda seemed she was drifting away from our flirtatious texts and so forth. I assumed she was just busy. That weekend we saw each other, and out of nowhere said that she doesn’t think she can do it anymore. She brought up how I scared her and so forth. But she never even talked to me about how she felt throughout that week. As I kept trying to tell her that we can make it work and so forth, she kept trying to say things on why it wouldn’t work due to minor differences that didn’t affect anything that had to do with us dating. We then sat down, tried to play uno, but my heart was already shattered. I don’t know how I kept my composure on not crying. But I was obviously in distress. After I brought everything up again, and she told me that she was sorry and can’t do it anymore. She seemed like she felt really bad but I don’t know. We left and I was in pieces up until now.
For the last 8 months that she hurt me I used alcohol and weed as a way to cope. I was somewhat a little stocky, and then I turned fat. I’m depressed. It was my first time a girl really seemed she wanted to work things out with me, and accept the weirdo that I am lol. Also before I move onto the next part of this, I forgot to mention I’m a metal musician. I’m not well known but I can confidently say that I’m good at what I do. I sing and scream for a band, and for my solo project. But this also kinda ties into this next part. A month goes by, I texted her, and she said how she hasn’t been alone for 8 years, and how she can finally work on herself and blah blah blah. Another month goes by she dates another dude who’s a musician. I was devastated. So that led me into a deeper hole. Another 2 months go by and they unfollow each other, and she deactivated her instagram. A few weeks go by, she’s back on Instagram, posts a photo of herself on Instagram stories, and next thing you know it, she’s dating another guy who happens to be another singer, who has 40k monthly listeners on Spotify, and millions of streams on his music. This was this past January/February.
Now leading up to today, they are still talking. I finally unfollowed her cause she did first. But knowing this made me feel played, and makes me feel worthless. This is my first actual heartbreak, and I finally stopped smoking and drinking as much. I started to go to the gym again, and all of these feelings are coming back again. Except the emotions are hitting me harder. It’s basically been a year, and I still can’t get over her. I’ve actively tried dating a couple times after, but it wasn’t exciting anymore, the girls I went out with had boring and unambitious personalities. I’ve also went to a metal show recently, and I can’t go up to a girl anymore and ask for her number because of how traumatized I am, and I remember the hurt I went through. Even through all of this, she never texted or contacted me once. All she did the next day was text me thank you about introducing her to a band. And then left me on delivered with my response. She messed me up bad, and I don’t know how to let go, heal more, and actually try to be happy again. I’m lost, and it makes me have anger towards her but also still have a lot of sorrow left. I need advice. I wish I was over her, but I can’t stop thinking about her.

Hi there, I'm looking for avid readers, new and seasoned writers for my book's beta read.
The book, as for now, named Red Tulips, is heavily inspired by Shahnameh and Molana's teachings.
I'm looking for fair and on point critics, so if you are interested please reply to this Post or DM me to get access to a synopsis of the book and first three chapters.
Thanks for your time and attention.
PS : blurb/logline : In the heart of the grimmest days of Tehran, writer Maahak, athletic Firouzeh, and their companions, protest leader Siavash and wizard Anderos, embark on a perilous quest to find three ancient artifacts. Their goal? To resurrect the powerful Nikolas and empower an uprising against an oppressive regime that rules with fear and brutality. As they venture through magical journeys and face the harsh realities of their world, they must navigate their own beliefs, friendships, love, the idea of family and the very essence of courage.

Cover Art!
Just because you’re transported to another world, doesn’t mean you’ll escape from your pain.
Abused by her parents, thirteen-year-old Frances only wants to be safe and for her life not to hurt so much. And when she and her class are transported to the magical world of Durannon to fight the monsters invading the human kingdoms and defeat the self-titled Demon King, Frances is presented with a golden opportunity. If she succeeds, Frances will have the home she never had. If she fails, Frances will be summoned back to the home she escaped.
Yet, despite her newfound magic and friends, Frances finds that trauma is not so easily lost. She is dogged by her abuse and its physical and invisible scars. Not only does she have to learn magic, she has to survive the nightmares of her past, and wrestle with her feelings of doubt and self-loathing.
If she can heal from her trauma, though, she might be able to defeat the Demon King and maybe, just maybe, she can find a home for herself.
[The Beginning] [<=Chapter 217] [Chapter Index and Blurb] [Chapter 219 June 11 or see the next chapter now on Patreon]
The Fractured Song Index
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***
Ginger makes an offer to Lakadara. The rest of Telkandra's remaining brood discuss the fate of their allies.
“Not good?” Sara asked as Helias strode into the tent and made his way straight to the bottle of wine.
“Not good,” Helias muttered.
Sara nodded woodenly. “Privacy spell?
The tauroll waved his sheathed Fangroar and after pouring himself and his wife a drink, sat down. “We’re safe. Oh Galena, this is really not good.”
“How dead are we?” Sara asked, her tone light.
“We’re not dead. We’re just in a lot of danger and even if we somehow force the humans to retreat, we’ve lost this war,” said Helias.
“Explain.”
Helias drank deep, noting that Sara was also drinking deep as well. “Thorgoth is going after the humans. That part of the plan is as good as it gets. We’ll be attacking them, and using the dragons, whilst our forces hold off Titania. Our objectives are also well-chosen.” Helias buried his head into his hands and let out a deep groan. “But winning this doesn’t change anything.”
“If we can defeat the humans, why won’t that change anything?” Sara bit her lip. “Unless it renders us unable to beat Titania?”
“Yes. Even on the chance we beat the humans we won’t be able to invade them, we won’t be able to defeat Titania. We’d be at a stalemate and both armies would have to withdraw.” His hands dropping to the table, Helias stared at his wife. “And we don’t have any reserves left. We’re going to lose the war, even if Thorgoth lives.”
“If we defeat the humans—”
The general shook his head. “By defeat, I mean we’ll hurt them but we can’t prevent them from withdrawing. We might kill a few of their leaders, their important mages and Otherworlders, but they will still have soldiers. After coming so close, they won’t surrender. They’ll keep attacking until they kill enough of Thorgoth and Berengaria’s supporters that nobody will help them, or until both of them die.”
“Alright so, what do we do?” Sara asked. Helias looked at his wife, noting how still she sat. Her wings were clamped tight to her back and her lips were drawn tight.
“Sara, I don’t have good answers.”
Sara steepled her trembling fingers as best she could. “They’re going to be better than mine. I don’t know anything about war.”
“Right. Well, you need to surrender to the humans if you are captured. Present yourself as a non-combatant. Cry, scream, anything to declare that you don’t mean any harm,” Helias said.
“Why not Titania?” Sara asked.
“She has every incentive to kill you off and far less compunction about doing so. Killing our family off would allow her to have more land to give away to her loyalists. In contrast, the humans have Erlenberg troops fighting with them along with those of the Lightning Battalion. They’re going to be far more friendly to Alavari civilians,” Helias said.
Soft hands, grabbed onto Helias’s waist with a surprisingly firm grip. “What about you? I can get away, but how are you going to survive this?”
“I don’t know. I—”
“Don’t you dare! Our daughter needs her father and I need my husband!”
The general stared at his wife. “Sara, I can’t surrender to the humans if we win. They want me dead.”
Sara refilled Helias’s glass. “Then you need to help Thorgoth defeat them.”
“Then what? We’re never winning this war. Thorgoth is going to be invaded and—”
Cutting him off with the clink of her goblet against the table, Sara hissed, “And what? Why think that far? We can plan for that after this battle, so long as you are still here and with me.”
Letting out a breath Helias pushed his hair back and allowed himself a sigh. Reaching across the table, he took his wife’s hand.
“Sara, you’re right, but you know you can escape this if Thorgoth is defeated.”
The harorc placed her other hand on top of his. “We’re partners. I need you. We need you. So promise me that you’ll do your damndest to live.”
Helias closed his eyes and nodded. “I promise. First things first, before we turn in we need to talk to the dragons.”
***
Fennokra stalked slowly toward the camp. This wasn’t the collapsed side-passage where she and Yolandra had some privacy. This was the main camp where Thorgoth and their army were preparing for what had to be the final battle.
It was also where her siblings were swallowing the last of what seemed to be a side of salted pork.
“Velkandra, Makentra, we need to talk.”
Their second-eldest sister licked her lips, her neck rising to Fennokra’s level. “I am assuming you mean in private?”
“Of course.” Fennokra could see Velkandra’s haunches tensing to raise herself higher. Her sister was trying to look down on her. Allowing her head to dip, she held her height.
“Alright.” Velkandra flicked her tail and Makentra, licking his lips, followed them.
Since their enemies had set up their siege camp behind them, the Alavari camp had been reduced in size. Still, there was the alcove of the collapsed tunnel. Whilst couriers and soldiers crossed across this natural cavern to the defenses on the other side, they kept a good distance away.
Yolandra was waiting for them, scratching something into the cave wall. Fennokra let out a rumble in her throat and her sister turned from the wall suddenly, shaking her head.
“Velkandra, Mankentra—”
Velkandra puffed a cloud of smoke out. “What’s this all about?” she hissed, lips drawn back to show teeth.
Fennokra took a step away from her sister to take Yolandra’s side, her eyes narrowed. “Are you joking? Do you not think we should at least discuss what is going on?”
“And what would be the point? It is a bit late to be having this discussion. The course of the winds have been chosen,” said Velkandra.
Yolandra rose to her full height on her four legs, but even so she was still shorter than the silent Makendra. “The winds can be fickle, Velkandra, and where we are is proof.”
Velkandra pursed her lips, eyes for the first time, looking toward the ground. “The survival of our family is tied to that of Thorgoth. To abandon him would be death by the hand of the Stormcaller and her allies or by his hand.”
“Besides, if we were to abandon Thorgoth’s cause, that would be dishonorable. We promised to assist him,” said Makendra.
Fennokra blinked at her brother’s tone. It was quiet and yet there was a touch of a deep growl to his voice. His claws were ever so slightly digging into the ground.
“We are dragons. We can think and make decisions for ourselves. We are allowed to consider other options, are we not?” Fennokra asked.
Velkandra’s tail flicked violently side to side as her neck turned to her younger sibling. “Then why does it sound as if you wish to follow in the wingbeats of our elder sister?”
“Who we killed. I was there. I lost a claw striking her down!” Fennokra raised one clawed hand, flexing the remaining digits.
“On that, why did we have to kill Lakadara?”
All golden eyes fixed on Yolandra, who held the gaze of her siblings with a contemptuous scowl.
“Lakadara betrayed us,” said Velkandra, almost growling.
“I’ve been thinking over what happened. Lakadara said nothing about betraying our mother. She merely was questioning if Thorgoth was trustworthy,” Yolandra said.
A scowl flaring his nostrils, Makentra growled. “He fed us, trained us in how the humans and their allies fought. Hid us from their eyes—”
“And now Caldra is dead!” Yolandra exclaimed.
“Which is why we must kill the Stormcaller and her friends! So we can avenge him and our mother!” Velkandra almost completely unfurled her wings. Only the tips slapping the stone forced her to pull them back.
“Then what?” Yolandra asked.
Velkandra frowned. “Then what? We’d have our revenge—”
Yolandra’s tail cracked against the ground. “Then what? You all must have heard of what Thorgoth is capable of. What he’s done to others.”
Makentra rolled his eyes. “Sara’s story is just a story. She might have been just trying to turn you.”
“She was honest and she is not the only tale I’ve heard. You must have heard rumors of what Thorgoth did to his own son, Teutobal,” said Fennokra.
“Propaganda,” Velkandra hissed through her gritted teeth, while smoke wafted through the gaps. “In any case, we have no other option. We fight or we die.”
Fennokra, her claws grinding against the floor, had had enough.
“Velkandra, Makentra, have you ever considered that Thorgoth is perhaps using us for his own goals? We have not even considered what he might do to us after we’ve destroyed the humans and their allies. How do we know the Stormcaller and her allies might treat us better? Besides in the first place, she never intended to kill our mother—”
Fennokra blinked. She was flying backwards, something hard was bearing her into the wall. Dizzy as if struck by one of the Stormcaller’s spells, she realized that the force was the foreclaws of her elder sister. Mad rage lit those golden eyes that were the exact same shade as hers. Horrified, Fennokra tried to throw Velkandra off, but her sister was larger and heavier than her.
“Say that again. I dare you to say that again—ARGH!”
Velkandra rolled off, forced off of Fennokra by the Yolandra shoving into her side. As the elder dragon recovered, the smallest of Telkandra’s brood hissed, “It’s the truth! You are a fool to deny it!”
An ugly sneer on her lips, wings quivering with fury, Velkandra snorted. “The truth? Oh right so we are speaking the truth then. Well here’s the truth. Our kind is doomed!”
Makentra blinked. “Sister?”
“Of course Thorgoth is going to get rid of us or try to after this campaign. He has to, but right now he needs us and that’s what we need to rely on until we gain more strength. Of course, whether he wins or the Stormcaller’s allies win, how can we expect to survive in a world dominated by these lesser species hm? How could they ever not see us as a threat?”
Velkandra stalked toward the wide-eyed Fennokra and Yoandra. Her head turned side to side as she fixed her sisters with wild wide eyes.
“Well? Tell me Fennokra. Speak the truth Yolandra. Or are you both too afraid to admit that our kind are doomed and the only thing is to live as long as we can and hopefully avenge those that hurt us as we do so.”
“You’d have us fly to our deaths?” Makentra asked.
The stammering voice brought Velkandra around. Extending a wing, she touched its tip to her brother’s. “I would at least have us fly together.”
Fennokra shook her head. “We’d knowingly fly with a murderer of children and someone who would want to kill us after we’ve stopped being helpful to him.”
“And we have no other options,” said Makentra. Letting out a breath, he rose to his claws and walked away. “I’ll see you tomorrow, sisters.”
Velkandra, without another word, turned for the exit. “You know it’s true, Fennokra, Yolandra.”
Fennokra closed her eyes. Yolandra, though, narrowed hers. “Doesn’t change that Lakadra’s blood is on our claws.”
Velkandra flinched and left. She strode away so quickly she nearly stepped on Helias and Sara as they came to the cave. She gave the pair no acknowledgement other than a growl.
“See you tomorrow, General,” said Makentra, his tone curt. “We will talk to King Thorgoth ourselves for the plan’s details.”
“Of course,” said Helias. He bowed as the pair left before turning to Yolandra and Fennokra. “I believe we missed something important?”
“Be honest, General Helias. Even if we succeed tomorrow, your king has no use for us after we help him kill the Stormcaller, am I correct?” Fennokra asked.
Sara and Helias didn’t say anything. Their slight move to stand closer so they could hold hands was enough.
“I thought so,” said Fennokra. She let out a sigh and glanced at Yolandra, who nodded. “We will be on the battlefield tomorrow. Where are we going?”
“You’re going with me. We’re attacking the forces sallying from Kairon-Aoun. The plan is that you dragons breathe flame over their army to soften them before we attack.
“Understood. Any questions Fennokra?” Yolandra asked.
Fennokra shook her head. What could be asked anyway?”
Yolandra flashed the pair a joyless smile. “For what it is worth, you two have been good caretakers to us. Even if it was to preserve your own lives.”
Helias didn’t bow. Instead he extended a hand. Yolandra stared at him, but Fennokra, recognizing the gesture, extended a single talon.
“May you always be able to see the sun.” At the dragon’s blink, Helias smiled. “It’s an Alavari saying. It may come from when we used to be enslaved by the Goblin Empire. It means good luck.”
Yolandra nodded and Fennokra found herself smiling.
“Our mother taught us a saying as well. May you never fly alone. I wish that for you both,” said Fennokra.
“Thank you,” said Sara in a quiet voice. She curtsied and the two dragons dipped their heads. They watched Helias and Sara leave with placid smiles.
Then, when nobody was looking, they turned from the entrance to hide their bulks as best they could. The gloomy light of the alcove their only curtain of privacy.
***
Frances slowed slightly as they approached Lakadara’s enclosure. However, Ginger did not slow down.
“Hold on, Ginger, what’s the plan?” Frances asked.
Adjusting her new crown mid-stride, Ginger said, “I’ll show you. I’m certain it’ll work, though.”
Frances’ eyebrows rose. “Is that crown getting to your head already?”
The new Queen of Erisdale flashed a slightly nervous grin over her shoulder. “Yes actually, but I think that’s a good thing in some way. Don’t you?”
Frances found herself nodding. It was strange to see her friend even more confident than usual and so comfortable in the regal crown that she wore atop of a standard Lightning Battalion light blue uniform. Yet she rather enjoyed the new gait that Ginger had.
“I do.” Frances smirked. “Your Majesty.”
Ginger rolled her eyes. “Fuck you.”
Giggling, Frances stopped herself as they drew even closer to Lakadara. The dragon was drawing herself up, placing her massive foreclaws over each other.
“Lakadara. I am Ginger, the new Queen of Erisdale. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”
The dragon coughed, blowing out a puff of smoke. “Greetings Ginger, Queen of Erisdale. I’m sorry for your predecessor’s demise.” Lakadara’s golden eyes narrowed. “Why are you here?”
Ginger dipped her head. “Thank you and as to why I’m here. I have a proposition. If you accept it, I will grant you and your kin, the domain of the Erisdalian mountains marked by the Kwent River Valley, Freeburg and Athelda-Aoun as your home in perpetuity, so long as you do not attack humans unless in self-defense.”
“I am unfamiliar with human geography. From the Stormcaller’s expression, I assume that is a lot.”
Frances swallowed and closed her mouth, but she didn’t question her friend. Ginger, still smiling slyly, nudged her. “It is. Frances, can you lend me a hand here?”
Nodding, Frances closed her eyes and imagined a rough map of Erisdale and its territories. With a wave of Ivy’s Sting she created an image of Erisdale, highlighting in red the expanse of the mountains that bordered Alavaria and Erisdale. The area that Ginger had described sketched a rough red triangle between the three points. It was a fairly sizeable area with a low and Alavari human population.
“My husband is in negotiations with Queen Titania and I’ll have to talk to Frances and Prince Timur, but we are quite certain that Athelda-Aoun will also be included in this area,” Ginger said.
Lakadara’s golden eyes were flickering as she examined the land. Suddenly, she turned, long neck arching toward the Erisdalian Queen. “And what must I do? Fight on your kingdom’s behalf?”
Ginger shook her head. “No.”
“No?”
“Nope. If you would like to do so we can renegotiate the agreement, but my husband and I fully intend to grant you this land.”
The dragon’s tail lifted up as her eyes narrowed. “Explain yourself and the favor you seek. This is far too generous.”
“Let me explain myself first. If what I’m told by my experts is correct, you can lay eggs by yourself without a mate, but it takes time right? A few decades?”
“Yes. Still, that doesn’t explain—”
“Here me out. This war is going to end. We may lose, but if we win, banishing you to the north is making you Queen Titania’s problem and she’ll have more than enough problems to deal with. You might just end up coming south again and we know how that ended. I’d prefer to avoid that so that means we need to make an agreement. You need a new home and I need peace for Erisdale. If the kingdom has to give up some poor agricultural land then I’m all for it.”
The dragon nodded. “I see, but why so much land? Why not just give me a cave? Or request my service as Thorgoth did?”
“And how will you eat? Hunt? Where will your grown children go? I’m making an agreement that will last for decades, not just a few years. As for service? I was tempted, but you wouldn’t agree to that anyway and why should you? We haven’t given you any reason to agree.” Ginger gave Frances a wave to dispel the map. “Maybe in the future we can work something out, especially if the dragon population increases. Your service in return for more food, but again, I want to start us off on the right path, not the left path.”
“Left path?” Lakadara asked.
“Erisdalian expression. It means the wrong path,” Frances said helpfully.
Lakadara nodded slowly. “You still ask for a boon, though.”
Ginger nodded. “Yes. I want you to speak to your siblings. Before the upcoming battle starts, tell them of my deal with you. So long as they choose to accept that deal and defect, then I will have it so our forces will not hurt them. After that, you may leave. I will not request you to fight with us.”
“You want me to show myself to Thorgoth? To the siblings that tried to kill me?” Lakadara asked, mouth agape.
Ginger stepped closer to the dragon, who lifted her head away from the queen. “I want you to save your siblings. I want you to save yourself from becoming the last purple dragon in existence. I would rather you not be alone, stewing in hatred for my kingdom and our allies who brought down your family, even if we had just cause. I want peace. What do you want?”
“How do I know I can trust you?” The dragon suddenly grimaced. “Ah, right, you want a lasting peace. You have every reason to want peace.”
Ginger, arms crossed tapped her foot. Frances could see how stiff her friend was, but the action was also comforting. That her magic-less friend had such control over the situation, despite being faced with the dragon was rather…badass.
Letting out a puff of smoke that slowly drifted into the cavern, the dragon pondered the queen’s proposal. Frances held her breath and yet the dragon remained silent, only her tail moving from side to side.
Ginger waited, still content to wait for the dragon’s answer. Frances couldn’t. The tension coiled in her chest, waiting to explode.
“Lakadara, what do you want for your future?” Frances asked.
The dragon glanced at Frances, golden eyes wide. She turned back to Ginger, who continued to stand tall, awaiting Lakadara’s answer patiently.
“I accept your offer, and your promise for the future,” said Lakadara, dipping her head.
“We are glad that you wish the same as we do,” said Ginger. She extended her hand and Lakadara, took her claw and put the tip of it on the queen’s palm.
*Author’s Note: Queenly Ginger was really neat to write 😀 *

I’ve always been extremely self conscious which seems to only get worse the older I get. I avoid looking in the mirror at all costs, avoiding seeing my reflection. When I wash my face and brush my teeth I close my eyes or look down so I don’t have to see my face. But every now and then I will look in hopes that something, somehow has changed in my mind. Disappointingly, but not my surprise nothings changes. I feel the same way which leads me into a mental breakdown. And for some reason I feel bad for my past self, but not my future self. I hate I feel this way and I wish I Could change it. But i’ve felt this way since I was 10. It does a toll on my quality of life and i’m not sure there’s much I can do to fix it other than continuing to avoid my reflection. It’s especially bad because the idea of my outter appearance was engraved into my mind since I was 9 due to my peers telling me I am ugly which had continued into highschool until I graduated which now I am in my first year of college. I took a gap year and through out that year I never had contact with another soul outside my family. I just sort of isolated my self from the world but was active in online groupchats and even then I couldn’t run from people telling me I am unattractive or not special. I am at a point in my life where I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere and I am afraid to. I lack joy in life. Things I once loved is now hard for me to do. Video games was the last thing I enjoyed but within this last month I have dreaded them. It seems everything is quickly losing any ounce of satisfaction or pleasure to me. The only thing that truly makes me happy or helps me to experience a feeling of happiness is watching birds outside my window or seeing the frogs swim in my old ran down pool with water as green as grass. That’s about it, life gets quite lonely. I got my first ever job I like that I have something to occupy me but no one talks to me the way they talk to each other. The biggest issue of all Is i applied to a store with mirrors everywhere. All in all I wish I could live a normal life and look in the mirror awhile brushing my teeth instead having to close my eyes. I just wish I could appreciate who I am and how I look but it’s impossible. Overall I am positive about everything until it involves me.

My mom passed a year ago. The first weeks months everyone my siblings, my aunt and cousin would check on me. As time went on everyone else also just moved on. I am the youngest sibling and the closest to my mom so her passing hurt me the most so my siblings would call me and now just one of them calls me the most and my brother who also lived here with my mom and us he calls me maybe once a week to check in even tho he lives here I hardly see him. I try calling everyone and everytime I call I feel rushed like they just want the phone call to end and it really pisses me off. Or they tell me I’m busy I’ll call you back and they never do. I don’t have many friend to just chat with or tell about my days. Idk it’s weird how people are there and promise you they’ll always be there for you and then bam they just leave you. At this point I feel maybe I should just stop calling people and wait for them to do it and if they don’t oh well.

I've thought about switching things up for tonight's script and decided to make it an M4F one! I guess this kinda flows into the lore of my previous three scripts, with this being a sequel to the third one. Hope you enjoy it! As always, my script is free to use without monetization, just crediting me under my YT Handle @"AkitaScripts" is all!
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Synopsis: You and your boyfriend have been together for about a week. You just had your first date a few days ago, and the two of you have discussed not to tell anyone. However, your classmates are beginning to notice your relationship with him, with some jealous students making fun of it. Eventually, it becomes too much for you, and you end up in detention after a fight in the hallways. As you exit the school, you find your boyfriend waiting outside in the rain…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(The school is nearly empty, and the rain is pouring outside the walls. All of the students except you have already left. As you walk out through the quiet hallways, you hear the janitor mopping the floor, rumbling about his job.)
[faint dialogue from the Janitor]
(You barely pay attention to whatever the janitor said as you reach into your backpack, only to find nothing but your books and supplies. You forgot your umbrella back at home. You put on your hood and push open the doors, the gates of freedom letting out a loud creak. You point your head down to the ground and begin to walk outside, feeling the rain hit your head. Suddenly, you stop feeling the raindrops, and you look up to see your boyfriend, the VA, close to you with an umbrella.)
VA: Hey.
(You lock eye contact with him with gloomy pupils.)
[short pause]
VA: I heard about what happened from Jalen… and I’m sorry you had to-
(You suddenly wrap the VA in your arms, interrupting him. Tears begin to roll down your face and onto his shoulder as you start crying.)
VA: Hey, hey… it’s okay… it’s okay.. (holds you close to him with one of his arms, and kisses you)
[pause]
VA: Hey… look at me.
(You raise your head up from his shoulder, looking him in the eyes.)
VA: It’s going to be okay… hey, you wanna go sit down somewhere? We shouldn’t be standing out in the open.
[pause]
VA: Alright, follow me, and stay close to me.
[short pause]
(You and the VA walk in silence for a few minutes to a nearby pavilion. After a few minutes, You gently shake his arm to get his attention.)
VA: Mhm? (looks at you)
[pause]
VA: Did he tell me anything?[pause]
VA: Well, other than you landing in detention, Jalen didn’t say much. I just got the news an hour ago, before our last class ended. So, I just waited out there. I didn’t know how long detention would last.
[pause]
VA: Well… I was gonna wait by the doors, but that janitor kicked me out. He said he still needed to quote-unquote “clean the corners”.
[pause]
VA: Yeah, he’s quite grumpy. Anyways, we’re here.
(The two of you walk to one of the tables in the pavilion. As you sit down, the VA sits down next to you.)
VA: So… (puts down his umbrella on the wooden table) are you still okay, or do you need some time?
[pause]
VA: Alright… take your time telling me what happened. (wraps his arms around you and gently moves closer)
[pause]
VA: Yeah… we did decide on not telling anyone about our relationship until we were ready. And yes, I know that everyone else figured it out already.
[pause]
VA: So… lemme get this sorted out: Maddison and her group of friends found out and made fun of our relationship..?
[pause]
VA: And did they start making fun of you today, or has this happened before?
[pause]
VA: This started yesterday?
[pause]
VA: Alright, so… after a day of them making fun of you, what exactly happened that landed you in detention?
[pause]
VA: (surprised) You slapped her in the face?!
(You don’t say anything, but you look away from him and dig your head into his chest, nodding afterwards in confirmation. The VA holds you even closer in comfort.)
VA: Hey.. again, it’s okay.
[pause]
(You let go of him. Stressed and upset, you explain how you’re not okay, as you begin to cry again. The VA hugs you again to calm you down.)VA: Hey, hey, listen to me… listen to me… there’s no need to be upset about what you did. Even though there were better options, you were in the right to do that. Not that I would recommend doing it again as an option, but if you have issues like this, just come talk to me… okay?
(You look up at him and nod.)
VA: Alright then. (takes off your hood and gently combs through your hair)
(As he comes through your hair, you ask him a question.)
[pause]
VA: Why did they do it?
[pause]
VA: Well.. first off, why do you think they did it?
[pause]
VA: You think they just wanted to make fun of you for that?
[pause]
VA: Okay… I might know why they made fun of you for dating someone.
[pause]
VA: What do I mean? Well.. lemme explain. So, before you and I met a few months ago, I used to be friends with Maddison. Sure, I was never romantically interested in her, but she’d used to always flirt with me at times. Now, I don’t know if she did like me the same way you do, but she could also just be jealous.
[pause]
VA: Well, think about it: have you ever even seen Maddison date anyone?
[pause]
VA: No, right? That’s because she never has dated anyone.
[pause]
VA: Now, you also have to take into the fact she’s friends with Joe. And as we both knew, Joe liked you in a… eeh… certain way.
[pause]
VA: And he knows that you and I are dating, so he’s jealous.
[pause]
VA: No, Joe probably isn’t just jealous of how you’re dating someone else. He’s jealous that you’re dating someone else.
[pause]
VA: No, it’s not the same way as what I just said. Joe’s jealous because someone has something special in their relationship that he doesn’t.
[pause]
VA: He doesn’t have you.
[pause]
VA: Look, every relationship is different. Whether it’s a dominant one, flirtatious, or even toxic… hopefully that doesn’t happen… Joe and other people don’t have you as their girlfriend.
[pause]
VA: Lemme also tell you something: I knew this person named Stephen, and he was dating this girl named Val. His friends found out, and they were jealous and constantly made fun of him. It got so out of hand that he was pressured to break up with Val.
[pause]VA: Look, you and I can tell them to stop making fun of our relationship. But if they’re gonna continue doing it, don’t break up like with what Stephen did. Don’t be pressured to listen to the mockery. Don’t listen to them. Move on, and walk forward, and just ignore them. I know it can be challenging, and I have been in those shoes before, but it’s okay to feel this way. You have me to take care of you, to cuddle you in times like this, and to make sure that you’re okay. I’ll be here every step of the way. If you need to hold my hand, don’t hesitate. I’m here for you, babe. And it’s all gonna be okay.
(The VA plays with your hair, and kisses you. You look up to him and kiss him in return.)
[pause]
VA: I love you too.
(You snuggle in closer to the VA, feeling his warmth and his beating heart. Eventually, the rain slowly stops.)
VA: Hey, the rain stopped.
(You look around to see the birds fly in to sing. You lean in to kiss the VA.)
[pause]
VA: You’re welcome, babe. Now come on, we gotta get back home. (begins to put his dry umbrella away in his bag)
[pause]
VA: Yeah sure, we can get some food on the way home. (he picks you up in his arms and helps you off from the table) Any ideas?
[pause]
VA: Yeah sure… ramen sounds good.
(As you and the VA walk away holding hands, the birds continue to chirp as the scene fades, ending the episode.)
THE END

In 1982, I and six buddies went bear hunting in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. We were staying at some cabins near Twin Lakes at the base of the Keweenaw Peninsula. When you hunt most critters you go out before dawn and sit until an hour or two after the sun comes up and late afternoon until dark. Most bigger game animals hunker down during daylight hours, so it doesn't pay to sit all day. This means you have a lot of time between hunts; this part of the UP has some remote areas; it is also where a lot of copper mining went on in the old days; the mines are all closed now and mostly full of water. There is a lot of big paper mill holdings there also that are still being logged so there are a lot of logging roads built by the paper mills, they are good enough roads for large double trailer logs truck filled with many tons of logs to travel on. One thng you learn quickly when you use these roads is to get the hell off the road when a truck is coming because they take up the whole raod and they don't even slow down for civilians becasue the mill owns the roads not the state or county and you are on their land, but as long as you don't get in the way they don't care. Most of the bridges across streams or rivers just constist of huge piles of large rocks with smaller gravel on top for for the road. These things look like dams but because of the large bottom rocks the water can flow through the "bridge" it's a pretty cool thing to see. We spent a lot of time driving on these logging roads exploring. On one particular day we went down a new road that lead to an actual state park at the bottom of Misery bay on Lake Superior. It's a park maintained by the state on paper mill property, there are several very rusitc camp sites at that park. We spent some time at the park and messing around on the beach. About noon we headed back down a different road, you see alot of small shacks that usually have smoke coming out of the chimneys, they are apparently used by the loggers. We eventually eneded up way out in the wilderness with no signs of logging or logging trucks, its usually like driving in a tunnel because the trees come together over the road. After a long while we came into a clear area and aronund a bend there was we came upon what we thought was a small town. The road basically went right down "main street" and as we drove through the the place it became apparent there were no people to be seen. We came to a building that was a kind of store so we stopped there. The "store" was completly empty, looking in the dusty windows you could see it had been empty for a long time. We walked around "main street" checking out the houses, a lot of them were in pretty good repair but they were completley deserted, dust on all the floors had been undisturbed for many years and ther were no signs of foot traffic anywhere. We eventually got back in the trucks and moved on we were all pretty intrigued by the town, we didn't go in any of the houses because it just looked like the owners might actually come back. The "main street" went up a pretty big hill, at the top of the hill was a large building that was obviously some kind of industrial use building covered in that old galvanized corrugated metal sheeting. We stopped that the building and found an openening in the siding. The inside of the building was wide open and it was very tall, like 30-40 feet tall inside with a lot of supporting steel work, everytihng was very rusty and obviously hadn't been touched in many years. There were large windows with no glass just open to the outside high up in the walls that allowed the sun to light it up pretty good inside. At the center of of the place there was a large hole in the floor like 15-20 feet square, we peered down into the opening and it was a deep dark hole somebody dropped a stone down the hole and it was a long time before you couls hear a faint spalsh of water so we dropped a stone and we had a couple of those old Casio watches with a stop watch function so we dropped a rock and timed it to the splash, it took almost exactly ten seconds. there were no guard rails or safety measures of any kind, it was really scary thinking about falling into that deep black hole. There was some old equipment left that looked to be like turn of the century type stuff, we assumed it was a closed copper mine.The whole time we were exploring we had two 35mm film cameras taking a lot of pictures, this was 30 years before cell phones and 35-40 before smart phones. After exploring the place for a while we decided it was time to get going because we only had a few hours before dark. After miles of running down those unmarked roads we eventually made it back to the cabins and we all went out to our hunting spots. After it got dark we all headed to the local bar where we usually went to get something to eat. One of the guys asked the the lady bartender if she knew anything about that shut down mine and abandoned town, she got kind of a funny look on her face and went toi the kitchen pass through window and said "hey Dave these guys went and visited Peterson, we all looked at each other like WTF is she talking about, the kitchen door opened up and the a the cook apparently called Dave came out dressed in typical bar cook clothes. Dave came over and said what did you see in Peterson; we said first of all we never saw a sign with a name on it but it was just an abandoned town with pretty decent looking buildings and a closed down copper mine up on the hill. Dave said yep that's Peterson some people see the signs going into town and some don't, the thing is there never was a Peterson it never existed. Whh......What the fuck are you talking about we were there, we looked into the buildings and dropped rocks down the empty mine shaft we took a lot of pictures. Dave said yep, you and a lots of other people but if you try to go back you won't find it. What? We know the road we took we can get back there, he said go ahead and try you won't find it. Dave asked did you by any chance drop a rock in the hole and time it to the bottom? Yes actually we did it took almost exactly ten seconds, Dave said yep I did too and I looked it up a falling rock or anything falls about four hundred feet in ten seconds he said Peterson is a real ghost town the whole place is a real ghost town, he said I was there and saw the same things years ago but I've tried many times to go back and I've never been able to find it, me and a lot of other people who live in this area and know it like the backs of our hands have seen it once and once only. Dave said go to Houghton Hancock and get your film developed and lets see the pictures. The next day we decided to take off from hunting and go up to town and get the film developed. Houghton Hancock is home to Michigan Tech so it's a college town with all the amenities it had a quick film developer place so we dropped the film off and went to see the sights, it's a really picturesque place. About an hour north east of HH is Copper harbor at the very top of Michigan were it ends into Lake Superior, it to is a really cool place. When we got back to HH we were dying to see the pictures so we went and got the film and tore open the envelopes. There were lots of pictures, beautiful pictures, but, not a single picture of "Peterson"..........Now just a goddamned minute this is not fucking possible a couple of the guys went back the film place and asked where are the other pictures that were on those rolls? There were no other pictures you have all the negatives we don't keep other peoples pictures we see thousands every month. There's a park in town and we stopped there and all sat at a table just kind of in shock, not saying much for quite a while. In 1982 I was 23 years old at 23 you think you know it all, when you are hit square in the face by something like that it shakes you to the core, everything you think you know is now suspect because you were in that abandoned town, it was just a cool old abandoned town, you saw it with your own eyes in the wide open sunny broad daylight, not on some dark foggy creepy night and nothing creepy happened, we took pictures that don't exist. That changed my life from that point forward. After that we went back to see Dave, gave him the stack of pictures, of the woods, the Big Mac bridge, Misery Bay, the park on the bay, logging trucks, the rock bridges, some of the shacks, one of which was just about two miles from "Peterson." Dave just kind of chuckled and said yep, that's our "Peterson" alright. For the next two days we totally forgot about hunting, we split up in two trucks and drove those roads over and over and over and never re-found "Peterson." That is my high strangeness story, we found a town that never existed, that other people have also see but only once. As I look back with what we are now hearing stories about, stuff like different timelines like this fucked up one we are in now compared to the real one we branched off from on January 20 2016. Is Peterson a place that is close to a spot where two different timelines come very close together? Is it possible that when all the conditons in the universe are just right and you happen to be in the right place when all those conditons are right you can visit Peterson? What would happen if you were in Peterson and the universal conditions changed? I wonder if we will ever find out? If you can only go there once how would it be studied? The mind warping question is who keeps track of who has been to Peterson only once and who hasn't?

I got a new job today bartending. It's my first bartending gig, and a friend got me the position. I knocked the interview out of the park, and went to work immediately after signing the hire paperwork.....
Only to be told that me requesting to open some days instead of close so I could accommodate this job was "questionable" and "may not be doable."
I have spent over a year at this position. I have not taken a vacation (my boss has taken 5, including the one in the next couple weeks.) I come in 85% of the time when I am called. Currently I am scheduled six days a week, even though I'm classified as part time.
I might turn in my key tomorrow. I'm tired of this. I can't keep going bending over backwards for a job that otherwise does keep giving me flexibility, but all of a sudden gets cold.
I have been on a crew of 3 (supposed to be 5) running this whole damn store since October, to the point that the regulars and vendors thought I was the new store manager. I have been paid more than minimum wage, thankfully, but I am capped.
And this is a small business, too. Can't trust anyone.

These twenty annoyances have “equal-stream fruit” nature, therefore are called Following Annoyances; and are further subdivided into three categories. (1) resentment, (2) hate, (3) concealment, (4) rage, (5) jealousy, (6) stinginess, (7) deceit, (8) flattery, (9) harm, (10) contemptuousness, the ten laws, each arises separately, therefore are called Small Following Annoyances. The (11) shamelessness and (12) sinlessness are prevalent in all nonbenevolent hearts, so they are called Medium Following Annoyances. (13) drowsiness, (14) depression, (15) unbelief, (16) slackness, (17) indulgence, (18) lost spell, (19) agitation, (20) incorrect know, the eight laws are prevalent in all contaminated hearts, therefore are called Large Following Annoyances.
11.4.4.1.5-1 Small Following Annoyances
(1) Resentment, to the present unfavorable environments, indignity is its nature; by irritation’s first juristic quadrant (cf. section 11.1) as body, holding Crosier (i.e., stuff) is its karma. Crosier is a juristic stick, a walking stick, a campfire poker, but also can be used as a weapon like a club. Harmony Sutra says that “holding crosier” is saying from the rough and fierce occupying more percentage, in fact, also the vibrant colors (i.e., matter) include the ferocious filthy languages.
(2) Hate, due to earlier resentment, bosom with ferocities not giving up, tying up complaints is its nature; by irritation’s first juristic quadrant as body, heating up irritability is its karma.
(3) Concealment, in self-inflicted sins, fearing of losing profits and fames, hiding is its nature; by greed’s and ignorance’s first juristic quadrant as body, regret and rage are its karma.
(4) Rage, due to earlier resentment, chasing triggering fervidity, brutal violence is its nature; by irritability’s first juristic quadrant as body, maggots and nippers are its karma.
(5) Jealousy, complying with own fames and profits, not countenancing other glories, grudge is its nature; by irritability’s first juristic quadrant as body, gloomily vexation is its karma.
(6) Stinginess, indulging in wealth and laws, not able to beneficially donate, secretly hiding and miserly saving are its nature; by greed’s first juristic quadrant as body, its karma is vilely amassment.
(7) Deceit, for gain on benefit or fame, cheatingly exhibiting virtues, fraud is its nature; by greed’s and ignorance’s first juristic quadrant as body, its karma is heretical life.
(8) Flattery, for hoodwinking other, deceitfully saying strange majesties is its nature; by greed’s and ignorance’s first juristic quadrant as body, its karma is hindering being taught and instructed.
(9) Harm, non-sympathy on sentient beings, damaging and enraging other are its nature; by irritability’s first juristic quadrant as body, affiliating rage is its karma.
(10) Contemptuousness, deeply intoxicated in one’s own abundant affairs, intoxicated arrogance is its nature; by arrogance’s first juristic quadrant as body, being depended by miscellaneously dyed laws is its karma.
11.4.4.1.5-2 Median Following Annoyances
(11) Shameless, disregarding the laws of self, easily rejecting sages and benevolences is its nature; by ignorance’s first juristic quadrant as body, growing ferocious behaviors is its karma.
(12) Sinless, in defiance of the mundane world, reverence for violence and ferocities is its nature; by ignorance’s first juristic quadrant as body, growing ferocious behaviors is its karma.
11.4.4.1.5-3 Large Following Annoyances
(13) Drowsiness, having heart unqualified to perform its duty on environments is its nature; by ignorance’s and suspicion’s first juristic quadrant as body, hindering Vipassana (i.e., gnostic view) is its karma. Samatha-Vipassana is a Sanskrit word, often used in Buddhism.
(14) Depression, having heart disquietude on environments is its nature; by ignorance’s and suspicion’s first juristic quadrant as body, hindering “acting renunciation” and Samatha (i.e., equality hold) is its karma. Disquietude is a common phenomenon of annoyances. The self-referential clamor of depression prevents aggregative hearts and laws belonging to hearts from being aroused to perform their normal functions.
(15) Unbelief, not countenancing and laughingly desiring to factual virtues and abilities, heart’s filths are its nature; by ignorance’s and suspicion’s first juristic quadrant as body, its karma is the being depended by laziness.
(16) Slackness, on affairs of severing ferocious laws and cultivating benevolent laws, laziness is its nature; by ignorance’s and suspicion’s first juristic quadrant as body, its karma is to escalate contaminations.
(17) Indulgence, not dyeing immaculate laws, not defending cultivations, going with randomly intentions at large is its nature; by ignorance’s first juristic quadrant as its body, its karma is being depended by hate and damaging benevolence.
(18) Loss spell, on those objective environments, not clearly remembering is its nature; by ignorance’s first juristic quadrant as body, being depended by agitation is its karma.
(19) Agitation, on objective environments, having heart dispersed is its nature; by ignorance’s and suspicion’s first juristic quadrant as body, being depended by ferocious gnosis is its karma.
(20) Incorrect Know, on being observed environments, wrong interpretation is its nature; by ignorance’s and gnosis’ first juristic quadrant as body, regretting transgressions is its karma.

11.4.4.1.6 Uncertain Laws

Regret, sleep, seeking, and awaiting, the four laws uncertainly appear in benevolent laws, dyed laws, etc., not as if touch, attention, acceptance, etc. certainly pervade in all hearts, not like desire, resolution, spell, etc. certainly pervade all heartlands; therefore, they are named as Uncertain Laws.
(1) Regret, also known as Detesting Deed, abominating what had done past, chasing repentance is its nature; hindering Samatha (i.e., equality hold) is its karma.
(2) Sleep, having heart insufficient and gloomy, skipping on aggregate objective environments is tis nature; hindering Vipassana (i.e., gnostic view) is its karma.
(3) Seeking, having heart hasty, intentionally saying of environments by intention, having heart turning rough is its nature; by first juristic quadrant of mean and gnosis as body, having heart not quietly dwell is its karma.
(4) Awaiting, having heart hasty, intentionally saying of environments by intention, having heart turning slim is its nature; by first juristic quadrant of mean and gnosis first as body, having heart not quietly dwell is its karma.
↪️Back to Catalog of Chapter 11 Tree of Life

I've been thinking about this a lot, how can a Music/song be considered objectively Good? So I've gathered a few points to enlighten this subject.
Firstly, music like most things can be quantifiable and arranged. By definition, music is the art of composing different sounds to form a melody or an harmony so that should be the basis of what would be a good song, in other words a nicely arranged group of sounds. Now, there are different rules when arranging these sounds and musicians throughout history have developed whole lot of theories about it that are still used today to actually make songs. With different instruments we should be able to make sounds that represents something like a feeling or an image and that's what makes them so meaningful. Like the song on the beach in the movie "her" for example, it was made in a way that we feel the warmth and love the two characters are experiencing or in exit music by Radiohead where the music crescendo into that incredible peak where whe know it's the culminant point of Romeo and Juliet's story. Well obviously it isn't only about following rules and making textbook music it's also about mixing and breaking rules.
Secondly, my all time favorite about creating art especially music is experimenting. Obviously genres where created so we can locate ourselves in this big musical iceberg but they can also be used in a way to create revolutionary sounds by mixing them and getting creative with them. I know it can be a double-edged weapon and it can turn into a disastrous load of "what the f am i hearing" but sticking to only one rule could get boring overtime and we constantly need evolution in our world. Most of the music we know today would never existed if it wasn't for the pioneers that dared to experiment. I think one of the biggest example of that is Hip Hop, a pillar of modern music right now that wouldn't exist if it weren't for DJs that looped drums and old music samples and the MCs that had the idea to rhyme over a beat. Now that we're talking culture, what makes a Music good is also it's cultural value, right?
So thirdly, the quality of the music could be mirrored in it's values for us the listeners as an individual and as a community. Music as an art has the burden of carrying years and years of history and culture so it has a considerable impact on our society as a whole. Music weights heavy on how we perceive things and helps us at better understanding ourselves and each other, it serves as a catalyst whether it's for the artists or the listeners. Music can bring the wind of revolution or the sweet taste of nostalgia, it could represent a whole movement or just one tortured soul in a bedroom. Professor John Keating once said "Poetry, Beauty and Romance... These are what we stay alive for" and for me Music is the embodiment of that and should be truthful to that in order to be considered good.
To wrap it up, music must then be well arranged while fused with different inspirations and should represent something powerful to be considered objectively Good. However we can't ignore the subjectivity variable because we all have our own tastes, vulnerability and cultural belonging to judge music.

I just read a post about how Eunchae should be protected more, and I could not agree more in that the vitriol towards her has gotten way out of hand.
In that post, I noticed that people kinda brushed passed the controversy of her teasing high school students as a non-issue (which, don't get me wrong, it definitely is), but I'd like to provide some cultural context because it was this specific moment that garnered the most hate for her among Korean kpop stans. Coachella doesn't even come close.
I want to explain why her comments generated so much outrage, and in particular, how her words were taken out of context and purposely made to sound so much worse.
The Situation (and the context)
On a 3/17 Weverse ~11min, Eunchae made a bit of a joke where poked fun at students having to get up early, saying that "That must be hard~ I had to do that too at one point too~~" and the conversation then continues onward with the other members about how difficult it was to get up that early during their student days.
This was combined with another live on 9/07 ~27min (though the context starts a few minutes prior) with Kkura. In it, the two of the discuss conversations with their non-celebrity friends. Boomer Kkura tends to just talk or text, which surprises Eunchae, since she almost always prefers to facetime instead (don't worry Kkura, same). Kkura mentions that the first thing she asks her friends are, "you haven't gotten married yet right?" whereas Eunchae says that her friends have been recently talking about becoming high school seniors. That topic closes with Eunchae talking about a recent conversation she had video call she had with her close friend, who complained that she had to get up early, upon which Eunchae teased her and says, "I start at 11 tomorrow! Hella lucky~"
Maybe a bit of a crass joke in the first clip, but nothing too major, right?
The Attack (and the twisting of facts)
This is where the usual suspects come in: Twitter.
Disclaimer: I'm going to be completely honest here. I don't follow Pann or FMKorea or all the other niche online communities except since the HYBE/MHJ situatio, but while researching this topic, I searched Eunchae's name on both sites to see how the situation unfolded (I can't really search theqoo very well because that site has the worst user-friendliness I've ever seen).
The situation blew up on March 15th (as far back as I can find), with this Twitter post blowing up and a Pann post (now deleted, restored w/ Wayback).
(Note, regarding the deleted Pann post, it was referenced in this YouTube video by one of those trash drama Youtubers and had 150k+ views at the time of their video)
There were also some pretty weird posts on Pann around this time, nitpicking her response in an EASY interview to say she thinks LSF was successful and spreading twitter posts of private documents to prove that she didn't get accepted to Hanlim (I will not be sharing this one.) Many comments at that point on Pann are still quite sympathetic to Eunchae, with the top comments defending her and telling the twitter bitches to go away (although the doxxing post still got 600+ upvotes and 300k+ views)
After this though, the narrative began to change, combining the clips above and turning it from Eunchae teasing students, to Eunchae teasing High School Seniors. And things began to take a huge shift.
After this began to spread, March 23rd, comments started to become more negative (example posts on March 17th and March 23rd).
Alright, I can hear you saying, students, high school students, so what?
Korean Seniors and the Suneung
If you're at all familiar with Korean culture, you know where I'm going with this.
The Suneung is the Korean equivalent of the American SAT, except it is so much more than that. If I had to explain it, the Suneung is your entire life. Imagine your college application, except screw your class grades, your extracurriculars, your letters of rec, your essay. The only thing that really matters is your SAT score.
It is a huge deal. The entire nation BBC article falls silent on the day of the Suneung. Stores close, construction stops, traffic is redirected, the stock market opens late. On the day of the Suneung, there are no flights.
It happens 1 time a year. Just once. If you miss it or get a bad grade, you repeat a year just to get a chance to retake it.
And high school seniors carry all of that stress. They are studying for a test that is the culmination of their entire education and determines their entire future. There are many, many stories of students falling into deep depression, even after doing well on the Suneung, because studying for that test consumed them to the point that they don't know what to do after it's over. These students study in excess of 15 hours a day, from 7am to 10pm.
You do not touch high school seniors, ever. There is a saying that even parents tiptoe around their kids once the test date nears.
Also, keep in mind that the primary demographic for kpop are young adults. People that are in school, preparing for this test that they will eventually have to overcome. Some of those people might be repeating a year (or two or three or four) while studying for that test.
And so, when the narrative shifted from Eunchae teasing a close friend about having to get up early to Eunchae making fun of High School Seniors for having to get up early, things turned ugly quick.
And then Coachella happened. And then MHJ opened her big mouth. And you guys know the rest.
So that's my little story. I hope this provided some insight as to why it seems like the hate for Eunchae seemed so particularly loud on the Korean side, and how she suddenly switched from nearly universally loved to the opposite.
In conclusion, fuck Twitter yo.
P.S. Is this post worth posting on the kpopthoughts subreddit? I'm split because it provides context, but also this has kinda flown by international eyes and I don't really want to accidentally add fuel to the flame. LSF and Eunchae have it hard enough as it is.
P.P.S. Sorry mods, I noticed the other post was removed. If this post breaks the rules, feel free to remove and I'll repost it in the weekly thread or something.