Bahamas style house

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This is my first time posting so I’m sorry if it doesn’t make much sense or I’m trauma dumping a lot also a couple trigger warnings, I’m not sure where to start off with. Me and my mom used to be pretty close I’d say up until I started high school. Middle of eighth grade I moved to a new city so I was back to trying to find some friends. I’ve been moving around since I could remember, I used to live in Germany where I moved twice, then moved to the US around the Silicon Valley, moved again, and again and again now we’re here. I wouldn’t be explaining this part of my life if I felt like it didn’t have any weight in this situation. Middle school I found a friend, me and her got pretty close, stuck through Covid together. My mom hated her and not even two years into our friendship my mom started accusing her of stealing from us, being a bad influence and overall just being trashy. Her parents were in the middle of getting a divorce and she had a lot of things going on in her life. I dyed my hair red during this time too while being friends with her, she probably was a huge influence on me but that’s also because it was covid and I was bored and who doesn’t start irrationally bleaching and coloring their hair at 14. I think my mom thought she was a bad influence on that part too because she's the one that first started off coloring her hair like purple and pink etc. My mom never of course said anything to my friend but she made sure I would hear of her disapproval concerning her bad influence in my life. I stopped being friends with her freshman year since my parents banned me from having her over or going to her house, I couldn’t drive neither could she and hanging out at each other's houses was pretty much what we did 80% of the time. I was so frustrated and felt trapped because the only friend I really cared about was someone I wasn’t allowed to associate with anymore. I told her I was done being friends with her over text and blamed it on me just being in a dark place and breaking it off. She was confused and called me a week later about something personal but I just dismissed it. Granted there were other things going on in our friendship but I felt terrible about it especially since her parents were going through that divorce and I just left during such a sensitive time. I hate to admit it but I felt so much better since I started making new friends quickly and started sitting with a new group the next day. Mostly guys and other two girls, it worked out fine for the next year. Junior year my grades started dropping so my parents got stricter, started taking my phone, looking through it, screen time etc. I felt like it was a huge invasion of privacy since my mom would look through my texts. Me and my mom also started arguing weekly about whatever it was but when I mean arguing I mean like full on yelling for two hours down in the living room with no stopping. I can’t do anything about it because whenever I say something remotely disproving her so called “facts'' since she always speaks with so much authority on subjects she wouldn’t even know about I’m the one that has to quiet down from my fathers perspective, and I know this will be mostly about my mom but me and my dad have always been close even when we’re fighting within a week we at least make it up. We play the same sports, have the same humor etc. I understand this might look like us disregarding my mom and I know she cares and loves me yet in certain circumstances she doesn’t show it so of course there’s going to be reasons as to why I’m closer with my dad than her. For example I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in 4th grade and of course I wouldn’t expect anyone to know that when you're low you need carbs or when your blood sugar is high you need insulin but my mom to this day still does not understand it. I wouldn’t care even if it’s my friend but as my mom you take so much authority over my life and who I can’t or can hangout with but you don’t know the basics of how I have to manage my life behind closed doors in the house that you and I live in every day. That might sound overdramatic but it’s just something I think about. Also growing up, I’m an only child by the way, I would always play by myself whenever we went on vacation for example to the beach etc. it was always my dad that came and played with me in the sand while at sharing his time with me and my mom so my mom wouldn’t gets upset over him leaving her to go play with me. Even now I notice how my mom would always make snarky comments regarding how my dad always treats me like a princess and cares too much over me. Anywho, since I know this is getting pretty long I’ll try to sum it up a bit more. I started liking one of the guys from that group, I would text him on a daily basis just about whatever. We were pretty awkward in person since I’ve never really talked to that many guys and I don’t think he really had much experience either so we stuck it to mostly phones, everyone else in the group also didn’t know. Once my mom went through my phone on one occasion that night, because she would collect it on some nights and read through my messages in bed she saw one message from that guy calling my mom bipolar and me responding with something like it’s fine like I still love her she freaked out. She told me to never talk to him again and that I’m a brat for talking about my family issues outside of the family etc. I honestly had nobody to talk to. The other two girls in the group didn’t really talk to me at this time, I later became really close with one of them though more on that later and I had no other friends in that town so it was really only him. He had a plethora of family issues that I couldn’t even imagine so I felt like he understood where I was coming from at times better than other kids with American parents. Not sure I mentioned but my parents were both born in Eastern Europe and grew up during heavy communism so that definitely affected them and their parenting style. Anywho, my mom sent me a paragraph to show to him, basically telling him to never talk to me again and that he has to apologize to her etc. After a couple months I think he took me out on a date. I'm not sure what to make of it since it was pretty casual. We just got ice cream. I told my parents that he was only picking me up so we could meet with the rest of the group when of course we’re not. The rest of the guys saw us downtown and found out about it. That kinda really sucked since I’m pretty sure one of them liked me so he got really mad and it kind of ruined the group dynamic. The guy I liked stopped talking to me a couple months in since I couldn’t really do much or go anywhere and dating as a result would be hard so he stopped really talking to me it was pretty off and on since I would get mad stop texting him and then he would try to get back texting at me and once I showed him I cared he’d stop. I was so mad at him and the situation that I refrained myself from talking to him, two weeks later he killed himself. I found out because one of the guys from the group faced me and told me. I went downstairs and started crying and formed the sentences explaining it the best I could, pushing a couple words out at a time. In that very moment I felt so hurt and vulnerable by what just happened my mom responded by just looking at me and saying that he had it coming for him since he probably vaped and drank. My dad ran downstairs since he probably heard me crying and the first thing he did without asking me any questions was hug me. For the first time ever he told my mom to shut up since her trying to ask me questions about how he died just made me sob harder. Over the next week my mom was pretty lenient about letting me go out. The next week she started asking what happened to him. Me and my mom were not close at all anymore at this time. You see mothers and daughters talking about guys or what dress they’re gonna wear to the prom etc in the movies. Me and my mom are not like that. On top of that I was overwhelmed with what happened and as someone does overthinking how things could have played out differently. Anyway I refused to tell her anything saying I was too uncomfortable and over the course of the next couple months of senior year she would get progressively mad and irritated at me to the point of arguing and yelling at me for not trusting her and telling her how he killed himself. I to this day told her nothing but she stopped asking. I don’t know how my dad feeds into this since he’s always so Switzerland about everything when I know I’m right in an argument between me and my mom, however when my mom has leverage he takes her side. Anyway, the beginning of senior year was rough. I hated being in that house and really started seriously considering the only options I felt like I had at the time. I started becoming closer to that one girl from the group earlier, spoiler alert my mom strongly dislikes her now too since she’s a liar and since she’s close with her mom but not her dad that means her parents are having marital issues and therefore her mom is a cheater etc. I don’t understand how she goes from one topic to another and sorts these things into her head. She’s my only friend that I’m really close with and I have been for the past these almost two so hearing this is very disheartening since I’m sending off senior year and I can’t do this again being so close to the end of the year. I forgot to mention but during homecoming I drank for the first time and I had one of my guy friends with his girlfriend and that friend that I’m not friends with drop me off. When he dropped me off he didn’t wave to my mom so she now thinks he’s a bastard in her words and disgusting and she deserves and apology for all the times he’s been over to my house etc. which I honestly think is insane because how do you always have so many issues over my friends and why are you so obsessed with 16 year olds, like you really have beef with high school kids as a 50 year old. Anyway the reason I bring that up is because I invited him over a couple weeks ago for some drills to help one of my other friends with mma since me and him used to wrestle and my mom got mad despite him not being there for me but for my other friends benefit. I’m not sure if this makes any sense. I'm trying to explain the issue best I can without saying too much. Anyway my friend, the one that I’m friends with now, the girl and that guy from the group that didn’t wave at my mom are both Latin so my mom started calling them cheaters and dirty etc when they had nothing to do with anything. This argument spiraled over me asking my mom if I can have a sleepover with those friends since we want to bring a new series on Netflix. Also during prom I asked my parents for 10 dollars since I already had twenty in my account and I wanted to buy hair stuff for prom. They gave me the 10 and I said how I was going to catch a ride with friend A so that when friend A picked me up but friend B that I did not mention in the plan picked me up my parents started calling and texting me. To give some background friend B has been close with me since freshman year, probably the only friend my mom has liked and also the only white friend I have not sure if that has anything do with it but there’s that. She’s really sweet and has been invited over multiple times to my house by my parents, they do really like her. Anywho yet since I didn’t mention that friend B was driving the car since my parents didn’t recognize the new car and knew it wasn’t friend A driving yet assumed it was indeed friend B but since I didn’t mention that they took all the money I had in my account which was only 30 dollars but it was what I needed to get my nails and hair gloss and hair spray for prom, I just started breaking down in the middle of target. I was so excited to get my stick on nails etc since I couldn’t afford to get the acrylics since I was paying for all my prom stuff for the most part. By the way I know that the 10 dollars was initially there so I understand taking away that but the other 20 I made selling my clothes on mercari and I had nothing else like no other cash nothing that was the money I worked on to get my prom stuff. It was mostly my dad actually that got mad at this point taking my money etc and than following a got a text from my mom saying I got what I was coming for by acting the way I have been. There were 3 others with me while I was at target so having three of my friends see me breakdown from me only having 14 cents left in my account was so humiliating. I ended up looking great at prom neither less so don’t even worry about that, my hair looked great and I found some old stick-ons in my laundry room and painted them white lol a couple of them popped off during prom but whatever. This has been really long and thanks to whoever spent their time reading through all of this I’m sorry if the read is a bit of a struggle but I just don’t know what to think or do of this situation. Keep in mind I’m 18 now, never have had a boyfriend, never have do anything, kissed, even held hands romantically etc. it’s one thing you know to not care about any of that but the thing is I do and I want to experience being a teenager and going out and going on dates and not worry about my mom flipping out on one of my friends. While we were in Italy one of the tour guys told her to move on the bus to make more room for others and she started cussing him out telling him to f himself etc for telling her a paying customer where to sit. Everyone started staring at us. I did not want to be there. I just kept my head down the entire time and didn’t really talk to my mom out of embarrassment for the next two days. Also after that prom incident I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere after as a result of go to friend B's birthday bash the next day so my mom texted her without my knowledge and told her not to tell me about how I’ve been acting up and one day I’ll learn when I’m her age but it will be too late and that I don’t know what I’m doing and finishing off my apologizing on my part for my behavior and I’m the reason why I can’t go to her party. Which I find so infuriating because one of the main reasons why I don’t tell my mom anything about my personal life is because I simply don’t want her to have that control of knowing what my life is like, I probably tell the teacher I TA for more than my own biological mother. The fact that she preached family issues in the family so heavily and that you should never talk about issues to others yet goes behind my back and tells my friend that my indecent behavior is the reason why I can’t go is so beyond me because where did your ideals go that you preached so heavily about. Every time I’m around my mom especially when she has her flares of anger I just start shaking like you know when you drink something with a lot of caffeine in the morning and you don’t eat anything so mid way through the day you just start getting jittery and anxious, kind of like that. Ok I think I’m done anyway thank you for tuning in cause I really have to start studying for human geo, thanks for reading up until here 🙂.

TLDR: Narcissistic mother-in-law is going no-contact until she can apologize for ruining mother's day and learn some fucking empathy to her first-time-mom daughter.
Ok daddit, thought I'd share my ongoing story with you all because we all love a good drama bomb.
Context: me & wife = late 30s, married 2 years (together 6) with a 10 month old baby (first child to both families). MIL (mother in law) = late 60s, divorced twice
~a month before Mother's Day~ My wife and I had been renovating the house. Nothing major, but we hired some contractors to extend the length of the living room by removing some walls and making the space bigger. The wife's and Is intentions are to get new furniture for the space and we already have a layout in mind.
Here comes the MIL, who IMMEDAITELY makes opinions on how the space should be decorated AND that we should hire an interior decorator to redesign the space (note, it's just a living room and not THAT big). Would also like to note, she didn't pay for our house and she certainly didn't pay for our renovations.
~the day before mother's day~ Wife and I purchased a couch and have picked out the decor of the living room via our own research, requirements, and the in-store interior designer consultant.
~Mother's Day~ Baby has a 101 fever, but is acting pretty normal all things considered. MIL and extended family are invited over for dinner and exchanging gifts. I shared our couch purchase with one of the family members and MIL IMMEDIATELY makes snide comments such as "the couch is ugly" and "I can't believe you bought that couch". Mind you, she's the one who suggested we get an interior designer, and per the store's consultant the style and color perfectly match what we're looking to do in the room. Wife begins crying and hides herself away from the family because of how her mother made her feel.
At this point, the kiddo is stable so I sit at the table and eat some dinner without the wife (she's in the other room crying). Some small talk among the family. Eventually the baby gets hungry so I move to the living room to feed her (more comfortable than sitting at the dining room table).
No sooner than ~10 minutes later the family begins coming over to tell me goodbye and that they're leaving after being over no more than an hour. Hyper confused, I learned that the MIL was upset that her daughter (my wife) RUINED HER mother's day by being upset at her disrespect and told the family to go home, which they did (probably to avoid drama). Now, I don't know what this "disrespect" was, but I can guarantee it was probably some misplaced motion in her head that we didn't behave the way she was expecting us to and got mad (imagine being rude to your daughter and pretending to be upset she got sad). That night, the MIL ends up texting my wife a storm about how ugly the couch is, how she can't believe we spent renovating the room, and every vitriol under the sun about our decisions over the last month. Surely some form of gaslight targeting my wife's uncertainty with making big decisions.
I also learned later that the MIL was upset that the gift I got my wife for mother's day wasn't sufficient enough and she was CONVINCED I would have forgotten (without any prior history of me forgetting gifts). Not to toot my own horn, but I like to think I've been an amazing dad taking care of my child, AND I asked the wife ahead of time what type of Mother's Day gift she'd want and got her something based on her suggestions. The MIL has this mindset that the more money you spend the more sincere the gift is and that's just not something the wife and I adhere to. We talk to each other, listen to what the other person wants/ needs, and go off of that.
Now, my MIL has a history of narcotism and belittling others by talking down to them, especially to her daughter. I won't bore you all with examples over the years, but lets just say I was absolutely livid. This was my wife's first official mother's day and it was ruined by her mom because she didn't like the couch we bought and somehow our behavior offended her despite her knowing we were going to purchase furniture on our own.
At this point we've told the MIL we aren't talking to her anymore until we're ready to have a sit-down chat (work, sick baby has been keeping us busy). Upon which, I plan on laying it out to her that her behavior about what the wife and I do is none of her business (especially since we're financing everything) and that her unsolicited opinions are grossly inappropriate and not needed. Unfortunately, given the MIL age I don't expect this to have any effect and given how long I've known her, I don't think it's going to make any meaningful progress to her being a better person. I've heard phrases from her saying "well opinions can be given freely" and I have some absolute bombs I am ready to drop on her if I feel the conversation warrants it, but I don't want to go down that road unless no other options are available.
We plan on having a sit down with her soon to talk about her behavior. Though I am convinced she's going to be pretending to be angry to justify her actions. But honestly, I might just tell her to sit on the floor since I know she doesn't like the new couch.
For all the years I've known my wife, I have seen this woman make her cry several times and I've kept my mouth shut. But watching my wife cry on my shoulder in front of our baby on Mother's Day was the final straw. I am absolutely willing to go no-contact and am willing to pay any sitter's cost to avoid relying on the help of my narcissistic MIL. But we need to have that talk and see how things go from there.

game i remember from when i was about 8 to 10ish i believe. it was this little family life game where you play in a 2d style family sim, you move into this brand new, run down house occupied by a little ghost. he starts off upset i think by you moving in but soom warms up to you and helps you rebuild your house.
cant remember how but you get i think a currency to renovate rooms, the house layout starts as a main/mud room then you can go into the living room, on the right of thr living room is a kitchen and out the back of the kitchen is a little garden. inside the living room theres a staircase for an upstairs/bedroom space and by the stairs on the left is a door for the bathroom.
you start as the only playable character who you can customise to look like you, its very limited and i think you can spend money on didnt year syles of clothing (olden styles) you stay as yourself but eventually you can get pets and several family members, a spouses, have kids and i even think your children can grow up and have their own kids ect.
i cant remember the icon of thr game but i think on the page when you click to downloading the game in the images it was different generations of family members, like grandparents, young adults, kids and babies.
this is all i can remember anything else ill add back into the comments, any help is appreciated thank you!!!

So, like the title says, I'm gauging your interest to see how many would like to watch vids in the style of Easy German/French/etc, i.e. with subtitles both in the native language and English.
Context: I was talking with a French girl who is learning Romanian at the moment. She was complaining about the lack of Romanian content on youtube that is actually subtitled. She was excited at the idea (that I'm proposing here), so I decided I need to forward this to more people.
Content: I'm passionate about hiking, nature and history, so I would go solo bikecamping and I plan to describe my travels, every step of the way. I go through villages, cabins and all sorts of places.
This means lots of traveling vocabulary, but this also involves me describing all sorts of things, scenery, nature, flowers, trees, birds, colours, a city/village and its buildings, streets, history, people, things happening, etc etc, plus me describing what I'm doing at different moments, how I feel about this thing/that thing. You get the idea.
Difficulty: mixed. Both super easy vocabulary (e.g. casa este foarte veche - the house is very old) and more specific, difficult vocabulary.
Start date: I would only be able to get going in the 2nd part of June, when I get my holiday.
PS I attached some pics with translations I made from FRE to ROM (from a French traveling vlog), but for the first couple of vids I'd prefer to provide only English subtitles, since I imagine it involves quite a lot of work to offer two subtitles at once.
Let me know what you think. Honestly, the filming bit I was going to do anyway, as I was planning to document my travels around less known touristic spots in the Carpathian mountains, specifically for other traveling enthusiasts. It's just that I'm adding subtitles, I guess.

I am twenty three years old and about to be twenty four. To society, I am male, sometimes I think about having a different persona than male though. Such as being neither male or female or my gender blending between the two. I was diagnosed with social anxiety in my teenage years and later developed into general anxiety disorder. I also am schizo, it mostly comes through sounds and sometimes small visions. Also, I deal with depression on a daily basis. Sometimes I wake up and do not want to be alive or other days I hear a sound that only I can hear to put it into context.
My upbringing consisted of my mom wanting us to attend church and learn about Jesus, the bible, Christianity. But I never truly believed in it even as a child, even when forced. And, I never attended church either, it was just something my mother would have liked us to do. I mainly became more spiritual as I grew older and it gave me a more open outlook if I do decide to have kids. I did feel bad, and even now that I did not follow the same religion as her. I try to be an agnostic regarding God as a whole.
If I spent a weekend by myself, it would feel refreshing to be honest. I like silence, to hear my thoughts when I am in that relaxed state. External noise is very bothersome to me and it troubles me to concentrate. Being alone never bothered me, I feel powerful when I am alone. I prefer activities that are at my house, so gaming, reading, drawing, typing, writing, etc.
Sports at a young age, I was involved in but it felt forced upon my parents. My dad would claim the opposite, but it felt forced since I was put into football, baseball, and basketball, and I always had mixed feelings about those sports specifically and made me feel like an outcast to this day. Even though those sports are not my favorite, they taught me what I actually do like instead. Such as table tennis and bowling, and e-sports. I never understood the reason sports are popular, or why some people are gifted with special abilities at birth, but I am ok at some sports, good at some, and bad at others such as golf.
I am relatively curious, I'd say, not necessarily ideas that I want to execute. But, they are just my curiosities about the world, like is there really a God, or does gmo food cause cancer, and just things like that, sometimes taboo. I never liked leading something, it felt like there was too much pressure on me or something. If I tried it, I might be decent at it, who knows? But I prefer to not lead, and feel I would be bad at it anyways, so why try? My leadership style would just make sure everyone’s on the same page and treat everyone equally. I think I am coordinated, I don't really like using my hands though I would rather just think about it.
Artistic? I mean kind of, I did film photography, and enjoyed that. My film photography was dark and I was told it seemed to have hidden meaning behind it. Sometimes I draw in my journal with pencil sketches and that is it. I appreciate the aesthetic of pencil only drawings. I like to do it but I sometimes think it looks bad, sometimes good. That is why art is subjective to me.
The past is something that can help with the future and present, but you do not have to rely on it. The present is whatever to me, very mundane. I like to put emphasis on the future, since that gives you an opportunity to grow in some way.
When someone asks for my help, I usually do not want to do it, probably due to my laziness. But if I do decide to help I would do it because I am being forced to. I would say logical consistency is important to me, so yes. Efficiency and productivity are important to me given what context it is. I do not control others, I feel more controlled if anything. My hobbies are collecting expensive pokemon cards, reading, and typing. My learning style is unknown to me, I struggle with loud learning environments and if there is more than one person. I struggle with those things due to my social anxiety. Classes in general give me anxiety unless they are online but I prefer a creative class I think such as the photography class.
I am ok at strategizing I guess, I do a combination of having a structure and improvising. Something important to me is finding a potential partner, having a good education, and finding peace within myself. My aspiration is to love myself deeply. My fear is losing my memory, having cancer, or the fear of holes, makes my skin itch. I would hate it if I was called ignorant or stupid to be honest because that seems like the worst to me. A “high” in my life would be talking to my dad about my dreams in life while on the porch. It feels good to know there is a decent foundation regarding my dad and I even though we do not talk much. A “low” in my life would be having to go through the mental health situations that I can never forget.
I am attached to reality, but often see myself dreaming of being somewhere else, or being someone else, or putting myself into someone else's shoes and see how it feels. When I day dream it can sometimes feel like the world stops and I am in motion while everything stops.
If I was alone in a room, an empty, isolated room. I would think about my parents or even my brothers. Or, how to get out of this inevitable death we call life. If I had to make an important decision, it would take me a long time I feel. But, if I make a decision on something I do not usually change my mind though unless what I did was really irrational. My sad emotions are of great importance to me, sometimes I feel I do not cry enough because it feels so good when I do cry. It could take me hours to express my emotions or realize them.
I appease others a lot. I feel unnecessarily, mainly because I am a peaceful person and will do things to keep it so. But, then again I am not really a conversationalist to begin with. So it makes it seem I am a people pleaser possibly? But, in reality… I would really just like to get out of the situation I am in.
To be honest, I rarely break rules. But, sometimes do think authority should be challenged in some way or they might think they rule over more than what they have.

Well, Hi all! again! 4Th Wall here, I figured since I just got power back, I might as well play some catch up on both series. Hope you enjoy this episode!!
Yup, I fucked that up. This is a repost with the correct Episode number, LOL! It's been a while since I've done that.
First, Previous, Next (Patreon)
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Benjamin smiled, watching the girls skip ahead of him. Today was a testing day of sorts for him. Unwilling to release firearms into this world haphazardly, yet unwilling to go without them as a backup; he had pulled from one of his sister’s favorite video games. He had “melted down” his bowie knife, repurposing the metal to be used in his latest creation. The final product rode on his hip like a short sword, but Ben was satisfied in the design when the vast majority of the people he passed ignored it as just another adventurer’s blade. Benjamin hoped, that with the existence of Majik, that he would be able to pass off any… peculiarities... as the realm of the supernatural.

The three of them arrived at the tailor’s establishment, and the girls were met with a customary indifference that seemed to present itself when a slave’s “master” was present. The moment Benjamin entered, the seamstress ceased to pay attention to the girls, and instead addressed him directly, “Ah, The Forgemaster’s Protégé. What can I do for you this day.” She said cooly, bowing slightly in welcome. “I’m here commission some clothing for these two, a reward for good service.” Benjamin began. It was technically true; the success of the forge had afforded him much more coin than a mere apprentice could have made. Qort had taken him on as a true partner, and Benjamin earned enough to comfortably afford to cloth his “slaves” in whatever he chose.

Some stigma’s remained however, and the seamstress seemed to glare sideways at the girls as they perused the fabrics adorning the walls. “Is that wise? A slave could lose her place with such gifts.” she asked, her polite tone barely hiding her disapproval. Benjamin sighed internally, ‘oh for fucks sake’ he groaned in his own mind before putting on facad, “I find that proper reward, afforded on the right servant can result in” he paused, projecting a smug expression and blatantly looking the girls up and down. “a profound dedication to their duties” he finished with a satisfied smile as the seamstress covered her mouth with a hand to hide a smile of her own. The gambit worked, and the Seamstress was obviously satisfied that the “Aereesen slave whores” were being properly “used”. “Ah, I understand. What did you have in mind for them.” She practically moaned back at Benjamin. ‘This hag needs a good pounding….’ Benjamin’s inner monologue threatened to crack his facade, “That’s the fun part, my good lady. It’s their choice. The surprise is half the excitement.” He chuckled.

The seamstress openly smiled at him this time before nodding and stepping over to the two girls. Benjamin breathed a sigh of relief as she seemed to treat them at least marginally more warmly. The old racist bag didn’t need to know that Benjamin was secretly building a small nest egg for his girls, or that his sending them out to do errands for him was how he was teaching them about money, value, and the application of Mathematics. She also didn’t need to know that the full Cutlery set that she had purchased last week had been made by Vi’s own hand as her first full solo commission set. Benjamin had stamped his “mark” on them, because slaves were not allowed to own anything, including their own work; but Vi had begun with raw steel and finished with one of the finest cooking knife sets he had seen in this world or his.

Benjamin settled onto a bench outside, using the excuse of wanting to enjoy the morning air to afford his girls some privacy. Now that Viola and Valtrya were eating a healthy diet, and the right calorie amount; they had blossomed into absolute bombshells. Their hair had recovered, and both sported long flowing locks that boasted a silky satin black color and texture that betrayed hints of deep royal purple. The color reminded Benjamin of one of those expensive custom car paints that changed color depending on the lighting.

Their skin recovered almost as quickly as their hair. The sickly, scabbed look was quickly replaced with the same satin quality as their hair to the touch, but with a light grey coloring that almost seemed to tease the edge of hinting at a greyish purple. A dense pattern of Small freckles of the same dark, almost royal, purple as the highlights in their hair frolicked on both girl’s cheeks, and down the sides of their necks. Because of their early lack of understanding on modestly, Ben knew that those freckles traveled much further. The sad truth was that Benjamin understood fully why Aereesen’s were the prize of slavers and brothels, and he silently prayed that he could give them enough self-worth and skill to have a better life than that, once he got them out of the Principality.

A door’s soft creaking broke Benjamin from his thoughts as the two sisters stepped out smiling, “Get everything you need?” he asked standing as the three of them departed the establishment. Val nodded vigorously, and Vi smiled as she spoke, “I think so, but I had to practically beg the woman to stop showing us lingerie… what did you tell her?” Benjamin felt his cheeks heat as he responded, “What I had to. The old hag doesn’t get enough at home. It’s not my fault that your ‘enthusiasm’ is in the forge and your studies, not between the sheets. I didn’t lie to her, I just let her draw her own conclusions, sorry.”

Vi’s eyes twinkled for a second, “Oh,” She smirked, “Thaaat’s why she broke out the silk. Some of her options were..” She blatantly bit her lip at Benjamin. “You didn’t…” He asked in shock, and Vi lifted up on her tippy toes to brush her lips against his ear, “Not telling” she purred, setting Bens senses on fire. She backed up a step, openly smirking at his beet red face. “But your expression is adorable… My Lord” She stated the last two words with a deep sultry tone, knowing that Ben couldn’t scold her in public before taking his hand, “May we visit the bazar next? Val saw some jewelry she wanted to look at.” Benjamin gave her a pointed look, that turned into a smile as she beamed at him, “Ok, sounds good. I need to pick up some food for the week.”

It was later that afternoon when the three of them left the bazar. They found Jukha waiting on the bench in front of their home. “Jukha! How are you!” Benjamin called, clasping the Orc’s hand firmly as the girls rushed inside to put up their purchases. Jukha reciprocated, if somewhat stiffly, to the strange to him gesture. “Benjamin, it is good to see you well.” His tone stopped Ben in his tracks, “What is it. Is your wife, ok?”
Jukha shook his head, “Vilora is well, but I have been tasked with finding you.” He said carefully, “The slaver, the one you dueled for those two,” he nodded to Vi and Val as they stepped back out of the building, “The Heir of The Romoregin house is here. He has lodged an official demand for satisfaction, and he brought a champion.”

Benjamin stiffened, “Another duel? You said an ‘official demand’… what happens if I refuse.” Jukha winced at Ben’s tone, “It is an archaic practice of my people, rarely remembered, and even more rarely demanded. You cannot deny a satisfaction claim, but should you prevail, no further claims can be made upon your person. I am sorry Benjamin, but if you flee or refuse, your life is forfeit; and your property goes to the claimant.” Jukha looked pointedly at Viola and Valtrya. “The young puke has put me in danger as well, if I do not deliver you and them to the duel, I can be detained. If they torture me….” Benjamin’s eyes widened before hardening in understanding. “Jukha…” He turned to find Viola standing next to him, with his musket in one arm and his ammunition bag in the other, and sighed, “Fuck”. He loaded his musket with a single roundball cartridge this time, unwilling to fire buck and ball in the town streets. He pealed the ball out of the paper wading after pouring the poweder, reaching into his haversack to retrieve a small round patch made of pillow ticking. Jukha looked on in mild fascination as Benjamin spit on the cloth patch before wrapping the ball in it and ramming the whole thing down the barrel. It wasn’t much, but it reduce windage, ensuring at least reasonable enough accuracy from the smoothbore to keep from hitting innocent bystanders. It would also virtually eliminate blow-by, upping the chamber pressure and giving him a little more velocity. “I’m ready.”

The four of them entered the small city square to be met with Qort and three Org guards. These soldiers wore different insignia that Benjamin had been taught were the mark of the capital. “Beenjaymen Shayfe” one of them butchered his name, “I am.” Ben nodded firmly, the other guard nodded, “And your two slaves, good. Has Jukha informed you of the proceedings.” Benjamin scowled, “A legalized way to attempt a revenge killing? Yea, I’ve been told.” Ben didn’t bother to hide his vitriol, “So I have to kill a motherfucker for defending myself from his father?”

“Not quite. The Heir has brought a champion. The rules are simple, all forms of combat are allowed” The first guard began as the second one began chaining the wrists of Viola and Valtrya. Benjamin began to move before thinking, only to be held back by Jukha, “Peace albino. They must do this. Fighting them will cause a forfeit.” Benjamin looked at the terrified faces of the two girls. He forced himself to calm down outwardly, but Benjamin could feel the rage building. He had worked so hard to save those two, to get them out.. now some snot nosed brat was going to try to kill him because his father didn’t know when to fuck off. Benjamin stepped out from around the guards. The “heir” was a young Durr. Ben had no frame of reference for age, but the Heir was substantially shorter, and his facial tentacles were almost mere buds. Beside him stood a crimson colossus, the same species as the Hunter he had shot saving Jukha. He was taller than that female, and was wearing plate armor, gilded in silver. He hefted a great sword of some kind and smiled openly at Benjamin. It was not a pleasant expression. “Ah, so You’re the puke I’ll be cleaning from my blade. I am Krastorin. Come here, pale one, I’ll make it quick.”

Benjamin looked him over, subtly shifting into a shooting stance but keeping his musket looking like he was resting the butt of a spear on the ground. “You look accomplished, what makes you do the bidding of the boy.” He asked, blatant scorn on his tone. The Young Durr flinched, his small tentacle buds writhing violently. “H’Dare Yee!” he bellowed, voice cracking with the strain of fury, “Aye’ll ‘ave Yee Head on Me’Wall!!”
Benjamin ignored him, focusing on the Hellirine. The man looked back at the boy with a raised eyebrow, “The young puke promised me one of those.” He pointed at Vi and Val, who had reverted to their former trembling submissive postures that Ben had met them in. “It appears that they are as well kept as claimed. I look forward to sampling them.” He leered. Benjamin looked over at the Young Durr and found his face a mixture of relief and anger. ‘Ah, lied about daddy’s slaves.’ He turned to the soldier standing next to him, “Is the duel on?” he growled.

“Combatants! Begin!” was the Soldiers response, and the crimson mercenary lifted his sword from his shoulders advancing forward with a long confident stride, “at last, let’s get this over wi..” a clap of thunder echo’d through the Feral wood, and most of the crowd cried out in surprise as Benjamin disappeared, seemingly behind a bubble of fire, and brimstone. The single round ball ignored the mercenary’s plate armor. Punching straight through as the soft lead mushroomed out into a ragged disk that measured almost an inch and a half. The mangled projectile, still travelling at almost half the speed of sound, eviscerated the chest cavity of the Mercenary before blowing a one foot wide hole out of the crimson man’s back. The exit wound missed Krastorin’s spine by an inch, but it didn’t matter. The projectile embedded itself into a post, thankfully missing any bystanders by mere inches in some cases. The Young Durr, who was standing just behind and to the side of his champion, was screaming as he pawed at the bits of pale yellow blood, bones, and fragments of internal organs now covering him from head to toe.

Benjamin handed the smoking musket to Jukha, drawing his short sword and walking over to a sputtering, choking, and coughing Krastorin. The Hellirine lay face down on the ground, having fallen that way from the momentum of his initial advance. The back of Benjamins mind was sickly amused as he remembered the old Hollywood trope of bullets throwing people backward, and a pinch of regret sparked in his soul as his opponent death rattled. He stepped up to the Heir, resting the blade against his neck, “Are we done here. Be a better man than your father and learn when to save your own life.” The Young Durr froze, staring up at him in abject terror for several moments as a puddle formed at his feet. Benjamin opened his mouth to speak again when the boy simply passed out, falling into the puddle of his own mess as his mind refused to stay conscious.

Benjamin turned to walk back towards Jukha and the girls. “Unchain them.” Benjamin’s tone could have frozen a raging forge’s inferno. To his surprise, two of the soldiers drew their weapons on him, “You need to come with us. All Touched must be registered with...” Benjamin pointed his short sword at the one talking… and pulled the trigger. The percussion revolver built into the hilt of the short sword was zero’d using a notch Benjamin cut into the crossguard, and the tip of the curved blade as a crude set of open sights. The barrel of the revolver lay along one side of the blade, and was rifled. The speaking soldier orc’s took the smaller pistol round through the forehead, exploding the back of his skull in a cone of dark green and grey mist. The exit wound showered his companion in bits of bone and brains. Benjamin’s thumb found the hammer, and four satisfying clicks echo’d in the stunned silence, “HEAR ME!” He growled, “I, am touched by the Gods. I posses the power to end any life I choose using the power of Hell itself!” ‘if I have to show them a gun, might as well throw them off the trail’ “The violence of the raging volcano obeys my very fingertips.” His revolvesword bucked a second time as another soldier orc made a move to rush him. The smaller pistol round still punched through the orcs armor and out the back, but only left him screaming on the ground. Benjamin re-cocked, and leveled his weapon at the orc holding the chains to Val and Vi. “Now, release them.” This last remaining Orc did as asked, before gathering up his screaming companion as the girls rushed to Benjamin, he pulled them close, whispering, “I’m sorry we wont be able to pick up your dresses.”

The three of them packed up that night. Qort had understood, knowing all too well what the Principality would do to acquire a Touched of Benjamins ability. “Stay safe my friend. I pray our paths cross again.” Jukha snuck them out of the village that night, using his wagon to get them to his home. They stayed a week, laying low while they planned their next move. The girls spent their time learning recipes from Jukha’s wife, and ben took the time to unwind a bit. Jukha and He went on a hunt, and Benjamin was given a run down on the flora and fauna of the Feral wood. The two of them brought back a pair of Stags, and the three women cooked them a feast.

“Dinner’s ready!!” called Viola, setting the last of the sides on the table as the dutch oven roasted meat was brought off of the stove top. It was a simple yet elegant meal. Stag, potatoes, some kind of Kale style vegetable that Benjamin had never seen before. Soon enough, everyone at the table was leaning back, as full as they could make themselves. “So, pinkskin,” Jukha asked, “Where do you plan on going. I wouldn’t mind you staying with me. I could use another hunter, but I suspect that they would notice the extra product I brought to the village.”

Benjamin Hummed, “The Maridian Combine. Qort told me that they banned slavery over a century ago, the girls have learned so much already. It would be easy to find jobs for them.” Vi and Val drooped slightly but hid it well. Jukha noticed it but said nothing. “A good choice, their boarders are well guarded, you would need to free them before you cross, or end up in a dungeon yourself.”

“Good point, I can write up a simple writ of freedom. Something I can sign and give to them.” Benjamin nodded, “I can get started on that to…” he paused as a hand fell on his. He looked to see Viola staring at him, fighting back tears, “Hey, what’s wrong. You will be free…” Jukha nodded slowly and stood. “love,” he said to Vilora, “I need some help with the livestock” The Farie met his eyes in unspoken understanding, fluttering out the front door with Jukha.

“Vi, what’s wrong.” Benjamin asked gently.

“No… go… Val… stay…” Both of them turned to Valtrya in shock. She was trembling, “I wont..leave.”

“You speak?” Benjamin looked in shock, but Viola spoke next, “Benjamin, we don’t want to leave. We want to stay, with you. I…” She paused. Ben sighed, “I want you to stay too.” He said, finally admitting it to himself, “But I can’t own you. It’s killing me that you are my property.” He reached up and wiped a tear from Vi’s eyes, “You are so much more than property. I feel evil, every day that I wake up knowing that I could do anything I wanted to you, or worse, die and have someone else hurt you for the fun of it.” Benjamin bowed his head. Viola reached out, lifting his chin to look into his eyes, “Then come with us.” She whispered as Val stood up and stepped around the table, “yes.. You, come.” She wrapped herself around Ben from the side leaning in until she was resting her head against his shoulder, “I’m… staying.. with you.” she said softly. Viola nodded, “Benjamin, how old do you think we are.”

Ben looked at her in confusion, “I have no idea, I’ve always assumed you were teenagers. 13-14 years old for Val, maybe 16 for you, but that was when you were skin and bones.” He admitted.

Viola’s eyes widened in understanding. “You did not want to bed us because you thought us children.” Benjamin nodded slowly, answering. “And forcing sex on a child is the worst kind of crime on my world”. Viola and Valtrya looked at each other, before Vi spoke. “Ben, my sister will turn one hundred and three in a fortnight. I just had my one hundred and fifteenth birthday last week.” She leaned in, pressing her lips to Bens as she kissed him passionately for a moment. “We are no children,” Viola paused as Valtrya leaned in, kissing Ben lightly on the neck, “You are not forcing us to do anything, but leave.” Viola whispered as she began to close in to a surprised Benjamin for another kiss.

The door to the cabin flew open violently, and the girls pulled back to a more modest distance. Jukha walked in, carrying a panting Vilora. “What happened.” Ben asked hurriedly, hoping he wasn’t blushing as hard as the heat on his cheeks suggested. Vilora waved a hand as Jukha set her down in her chair, “The Vin… My sisters… they reached out… They wish to meet…” The Farie gathered herself, “They also sent a warning. We must leave, tonight… hunters.”
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I have heard people off and on reference Royal road, So I am going to give it another shot. I'll be adding the Royal Road link from now on. If you like reading over there, It is on the same schedule as here. I would greatly appreciate a like/review/comment if you feel so inclined. Thank you again for stopping by.
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Hello everyone, so this is my first post here or anywhere regarding Witch subjects... I tried to not make this a book but please understand this has been building so if you find the time to help me i would greatly appreciate your time and insight/expertise in to this matter.. that being said... I do not know what I am or if I would "belong" within this community... but I know that I have to be something considering certain things I have and or have experienced... "coincidences" can only happen for so long. also please understand i am NOT intending on upsetting or trying to offend anyone here so please treat me as someone who has not only not much idea of what he is talking about in most of this stuff but also im not sure aside from obvious larger topics im not sure how not to offend anyone so please bear this in mind... so lets give you the run down
a little bit of context... my dad also informed me that he could do the same with weather as below when he was young before his "pineal gland calcified" but his level of control was "tomorrow it is going to rain (or snow) so bad that we cant go to school tomorrow" or we cant go to work what have you and literally the next day it was so bad the next day school or work in the military whatever was cancelled sometimes until the weekend...he also had/has some other small abilities but the way he described it to me when i told him about the dream below is i guess his mom was "full blood" but suppressed it all her life then when she got with my grandpa dad would have been considered "half blood" and for me all things considered he said i would be a "quarter blood" which in this space would help me understand why i can do similar things but i have better talents in dreams and less strength in weather and so on...and on my moms side they are more spirit sensitive so i cant really communicate generally but i get strong feelings of energy around me at times or in a home you know and also in dreams which im definitely stronger with i have 100% had some... "nightmares" but as you will read below dreams are important to me because generally when i pray or ask for a sign or what have you i trust a dream the most because thats what i feel aside from a lucid dream that i cant control so getting an answer or sign from a dream is a bit more compelling than the "i have just enough money for this its meant to be" or that random act of someone or something in waking life...
I am in my early 20's and so far in life I exhibit the following:
Mild control over the weather with a simple statement, (since around maybe my teens or a little younger I could simply say " its going to rain later" or tomorrow or what have you or i would say "i hope it rains later" or tomorrow and i have gotten microbursts and sometimes even really bad storms there have even been times i got a little bit of rain and said "come on thats not all you got show me more show me lightning and thunder and more rain" and within half an hour or less sometimes a few seconds it would all pick back up again much stronger) (even my wife would get upset and say "make it stop!" because i proved this ability to her much like my dad did his buddies so she would tell me to stop the rain and all that xD)
Since i was very young almost as long as i can remember i have premonition dreams at random and this had led me to at MANY points in my life of say Deja Vu they have been accurate down to the minute detail ( i couldnt remember the dream before it happened only as that moment in the dream started or up to 1-3 minutes before that part of the dream started in real life... also when i have a "deja vu" moment as that happens the dream is recalled from memory and with almost perfect accuracy when the dream is finally recalled i can almost pinpoint exactly when i had the dream weather i dreamed it 5 months ago or 8 years ago)
i seem to be able to as i get close to someone read their mind (its not perfect and its not guaranteed... but for example when me and my wife slept in the same bed we got to the point where she knew that i finished alot of her sentences and not just in the cute way i mean before or as she thought them without speaking, when she would say something in her mind but not out loud and so on so she would play a game with me it was called "what color am i thinking of" so i thought about it and i would get an image in my mind that was filled in with a color and i would answer and i was right... after about 2-5 minutes of being right and answering very quickly she is competitive so she made it harder and said "what color and shape am i thinking of" i would tell her and continued on with as i gave the answer i would give the next and the next without her having to ask for them it evolved into me telling her what color and shape and why she was thinking about it or even when she tried to cheat and randomly thought of say a purple elephant or a pink dragon i got the shape and color and answered correctly what creature and color she was thinking of and she seemed to get creeped out but this happened most of the time at night as everything was quiet and we were laying in bed talking and hanging out before sleep with all the lights off) (she isnt very spiritual very much a grounded in reality yes believes in god but gods got bigger fish to fry then helping me mindset but this is also why it really creeped her out at times considering my accuracy and speed of my "guessing" and was always right)
i think that i very recently... and for the first time in my life... accidentally dreamwalked... long story short im not with my wife at the moment alot of bad stuff and bad timing stuff happened in my life and we werent great financially so we lost the house and are living separately with our parents and all of sudden after getting married recently she 180'd me and now wants divorce... so im going through that and we are going through no-contact at the moment i dont really message her but if she messages me then i wait awhile and reply... but... its been a few months since this started and all the tarot i see on tiktok say the same things and right now if tarot is generally trusted... it seems she is now at the point of recognizing what she did and i should be expecting contact soon for reconciliation... (i just wanted to put this here because i didnt want everyone only saying oh you dreamt of her because you miss her) but anyways... for a month or 2 i successfully pushed her energy away and was actually doing alot better.. yeah i miss her but im my own person and i have learned alot through this... but recently... as i started to stop believing in tarot because she wasnt reaching out or doing anything... i all of a sudden had a dream i dont remember what happened and in the dream it was super blurry but it was very emotional... and as i had that when i woke up all of a sudden she was the only thing on my mind all the work i did getting over things was gone... and i still cant get her off my mind a week ish later... and then after that dream i started having more dreams of her being with her and remembering older dreams i forgot about in these few months before this most recent dream with all the emotion... and the only way i can interpret this is she is letting the walls down... and subconsciously re-opened her mind to me.. and now im feeling the emotions at times of her.... for example the other day i was at work at my new job perfectly calm no stress actually having a good day but OUT OF NOWHERE i got this MASSIVE amount of panic shooting through my body so bad that i really wanted to vomit.... and thats not my response to panic and i had no reason to panic... again i think im reacting to her emotions or her containers in her mind of emotions...
but here is the thing for dream walking... and this will probably be the last thing for now... this is what i wrote in my notes app (names redacted and edited for here) after i woke up...
I’m in a mall a very large mall… and I just purchased a dog from one of the stores a larger dog I can’t tell if it was a type of rottie? (my wifes old family dog that meant alot to both of them) But she was super sweet and well trained super responsive she could follow me with a snap like my dog (each time the dog veered away i snapped my fingers and she came right back walking at my side) and as she is following me I did notice there were multiple dogs in this mall type place with other people…(this was weird and the mall i felt like i recognized it but the layout didnt seem like any mall i had been too and i knew it was a huge mall) the dream fast forwarded and now im in a back mall sort of cylinder block stairwell with my new dog and a dog came up to me and I was thinking “oh hey look a dog I can pet” but when I went to pet him I saw on his vest “oh for PETES sake” I asked him if Pete was his name and before he could react I realized there was no person with him and that this was a service dog looking for someone to help his owner I then asked “does your person need help? Let’s go buddy” and he took off checking multiple times if I was following he then led me to the bathrooms area where 2 other people where shouting into a hole in the ground presumably trying to help this dog and the person was on the other side of where this vent attached too I looked around and noticed there was a stair case down to the men and women’s restrooms but the hole itself that the 2 other people were at was a type of floor vent to the maintenance room in between the restrooms so I went to the men’s restroom and asked the cleaning guys if it was possible anyone collapsed in the maintenance room they kind of laughed and ignored me and I didn’t know what to do since there were multiple people in the men’s restroom and no one was calling for help I left the bathroom thinking I couldn’t go into the women’s room because im a guy and the dream then fast forwarded to me being in the women’s room and seeing multiple people but no one needing help I left and the dream fast forwarded again and i guess i really had to pee in real life so I was searching in the dream for the bathroom and I saw myself go into the men’s room but it turned out to be the women’s room again… still multiple women in the restroom paying me no mind some looked at me and focused on me but didnt say or do anything just continued walking and talking to other women but I had to leave to go find the men’s room and as I did I kept getting lost in the vastness of this women’s restroom and couldn’t find the door (keep in mind at this point in the dream it was like the 3rd time i was in here and found the doorway out each and every time pretty easily except this last time) when I finally found the door I opened it and multiple women were coming in and leaving at the same time and I said out loud “ why does the women’s room have to be such a fucking maze” and as I said that the women in front of me had finished leaving but I was now stuck in place (like i wasnt allowed to leave the bathroom) the sight before me was kind of off or...blurry? ( it was like a 2 step up to all the sinks and mirrors like a little stage thing with a door leading outside to the right of the sinks and the door back to the mall just to my immediate right) and it was still the bathroom but as it came into focus a previous memory of (my wife) was to the left a memory where she is bent down hands on knees (yes fully clothed) (in previous dreams it has felt like whenever her body is in that position whichever way she is facing it’s like an arrow) and it was facing right so I started to look right and I saw (my wife)… the real (wife)… to the right of her was a door seemingly to the outside I didn’t look out of it much but I think I saw the silhouette of her mom maybe kind of holding the door open to the outside of the mall and the parking lot near by but the light outside was brighter than usual really green grass blue partly cloudy sky nice trees i think in the backround and some cars parked near the door... as soon as I saw (wife) she was beautiful the world around me slowed those walking in and out or around the bathroom slowed down to a stop in place as did time itself… she was in darker blue jeans like my dark blue Levi’s I don’t remember her shoes maybe adidas? White and black ones? She was wearing a very nice… very nice on her grey sweater long sleeve her hair was (same color as now and style) as i saw her i just couldnt stop looking as she was so pretty and to see her again seemingly in person i was happy... as time stood still around me she saw me too and those eyes looked into my soul (as usual…the slow and stop of time didnt effect her or me) a look came over her face at first i felt fear because I’m in the women’s room and maybe she thinking’s I followed her whatever (same deal as "oh no im graduating today and i forgot all my clothes!") but the feeling I got from her face was almost like… her face as content/happy and the feeling felt like “I miss you“ maybe? "I love you I’m happy you are here” and it felt like surprise almost as if she was surprised to see me maybe in her dream? in my body in the dream i felt MASSIVE panic and fear which started as she looked at me and as she looked at me her face kinda said like "WTH?!" maybe? I don’t know for sure but when i tried to read the air... the overall dead space thats where i felt the calm and the possible i miss you energy and want to work on things but it could be my own hope im not sure... but it seemed mutual...but I know that as I saw her I got to see what I felt every time she looked at me lovingly in real life... maybe i felt both of our emotions as we each looked at each other but each time it was like time stood still… the day was brighter… if there is one thing for sure the way she looked at me in the dream didnt seem like hatred or divorce it honestly seemed like confusion or "HOW ARE YOU HERE..."but i dont think we weren’t talking about divorce anymore and we’re rekindling or reconciling or we already had done all of that because in the dream I just felt love even on the other side of the room I felt her embrace and her love… I dreamt of her twice in a 1 and a 1/2 hour nap and to me this was a really long dream that was already shared with another i didnt remember in a single hour and a half this is a kind of dream i would have in like a 4-8 hour sleep minimum not an hour to an hour and a half...
and i dont like naps i never take them but as i have grown and learned it seems like every time i take a nap because im almost forced too something big spiritually happens to me like this... in the dream it just seemed like... the panic to me read as like... lets say you have a fear of mannequins but you go into a clothing store and you LEGIT see one move and you point and say "...thats...NOT a mannequin" you know that sort of fear of realization? when we saw each other in the dream it felt VERY mutual that we saw each other and just KNEW "...thats NOT... a dream character..." almost like a "how the HELL are you here!?" i dont know if i dream walked into a dream because she turned out to be dreaming at the same time in a nap (5/12/2024 when this happened) maybe thats when her mind opened more to me because i dreamwalked into her subconscious as she was awake? i dont know i really need help with this....and when i explained it to my dad... he thinks... weather it was a dream or her subconscious or maybe both he thinks that the mall represents her mind her... mind palace... and the mall is big and vast but with her poor....experiences in life childhood and all that he thinks the stores in the mall represent "containers" for chunks of her life or bad memories and or good ones... and that as i was in the cinderblock staircase that was me kind of being led by my spirit guide further in to "the maze" closer to "the center" to (wife) and the service dog named pete was HER spirit guide leading me to her quicker... and each time the dream started to take over for me i was guided by the "fast forwards" like "no dont go you still have to see this dont miss this" which is why i couldnt leave the bathroom until i woke up after seeing her sometime later... and my dad also thinks the people i saw in the mall with other dogs and in the bathrooms and all that werent just dream character but passing thoughts in her conscious or unconscious mind as i was observing if im dreaming that would make the most sense to me... and the fact that some of them looked at me and observed me but werent mean or horrible or whatever to me means that she is talking about me but maybe not as badly as i may think... because hopefully the reconciliation coming up soon... i dont know... and one of the reasons i dont think this was a basic dream.... is because when she saw me or when others saw me it wasnt a normal dream giving me what i would expect...i expected hatred or hurt from her i expected screaming and anger from the women seeing a man in their restroom and all that stuff but all in all it was like i was muted and blended in to everyone except... (wife)... the owner of the dream or mind or sub-conscious i was in...
again i know this is long but if anyone could help me understand what i am if anything and maybe if anyone could help me gain more control on this possible dreamwalking ability i may have just manifested naturally because i have no idea what im doing i was raised in a very openminded christian household and i dont even know how to google any of this without finding fan wikis for witch tv shows... i want to learn and strengthen this skill because... if im being honest... maybe if i could understand more about what the true cause of her hurt is (everything she is doing to me now falls in to her patterns of attachment including the hiding away and acting like its not her attachment that is making her decisions for her even though she has agreed in the past that everything she is doing now is part of her attachment issues) if i could understand the root cause in her mind and she wont listen to outside people or me in waking life maybe i could from a distance do this again and help her heal... and if i can help her heal inception style it will make it easier for her to heal in waking life and come to me with the honesty it seems and feels like she wants to give but doesnt know how...im not in to changing her or rooting around her mind un-invited... i just want to try to help her and help us continue to have a happy life together... so if anyone could help me understand what all this is...and how to improve... i would be very grateful for your insight/expertise... thankyou everyone so much for your time and for reading my experiences.

Genuinely, I was concerned about Amanda the whole time. From the moment I picked her up, she seemed annoyed and uninterested. I knew she was tired and needed food, but even when we went out, she was closed off and disengaged. By the time we saw my friend Blaise at work, she was checking her bf Jackson’s location, thinking he was lying to her. He didn’t answer her call, so I figured that would be on her mind the rest of the night annoying her. I tried to distract her, get her to dance, and asked Caroline to help get her out of her head. I asked Alicia about her because she was hardly engaging with me. I thought she was on the phone with Jackson when I didn’t see her. I wish she had used her words to express how she was feeling instead of her demeanor. If she wanted to leave, I would have agreed. Her mood was infectious, and being mad at me for not focusing on her was outrageous. We were supposed to be celebrating my graduation, but she made herself the center of attention because she didn’t advocate for her needs and got mad at me for it. I’m sad that she’s blaming having a bad night on me when I was trying to be the energy to help lift her mood.
I wanted to go to Southside because Cade and his sister Cassie were there and excited to see Amanda. I figured she would appreciate seeing friendly faces, but she didn’t care to see them and had a bad attitude when it was supposed to be a fun night for all of us. Cade and Cassie love her, so I talked to them when she didn’t.
I was very hurt by her words and how she avoided everyone all day. Even after I graduated, she barely spoke to me. Mom also told me she wasn’t even present at the ceremony, she left. No wonder I felt anxious instead of happy at my own graduation. I wanted to spend time with her, but she didn’t seem to want to or talk to me. I didn’t push her, thinking she could come to me when she was ready. I can’t be responsible for her happiness or read her mind if she doesn’t communicate. I’m not used to having to prod people for answers. Of course, I cried for hours after she left; my heart was broken.
I only went out on Saturday because Alicia said I should enjoy my last night there. I didn’t want to just leave them at my house. Amanda said she was going to nap, and Alicia said she’d relax and get ready to leave. I was encouraged to enjoy myself but promised to come back when the ride was arriving. I did so to make sure they got their ride, and if they didn’t show, I would have driven them to the airport myself. I wanted to say goodbye and thank them for supporting me on an important day. I suppose I shouldn’t have come back; maybe that blow-up could have been avoided. But wouldn’t it have been mean not to come back when I said I would, even if Amanda hardly spoke to me all day? I don’t even remember how her yelling started. I just remember her being mean, which wasn’t surprising. I hoped she would talk to me, but yelling and threatening me is more common with her than it should be. I remember snippets, her lunging at me, and me bawling my eyes out. I stand by what I said: why would I want a friend who threatens to punch me?
This isn’t the first time she made me think she would hurt me physically. She threatened me during our road trip around four years ago. After saying awful things and accusing me of sleeping with the Europeans in the tents next to us. I didn’t want to sleep next to her after that, so I snuck into the tent after she went to sleep and cried, sleeping as close to the edge of the tent as I could. Her blow-up was disproportionate to what she perceived happened both times.
If she sees me as spoiled, so be it. Many people have it better than me and many worse. If I didn’t have the support and love from my family, she wouldn’t either. I’ve been fortunate, and I wish I could change her circumstances. Saying she didn’t recognize me? I’m glad she doesn’t. Moving away has helped me grow. I was timid for years, catering to her and letting her be the center of attention. I’ve since become a strong, confident woman, living my life the way I want, unafraid to take space in the world. I feel mentally well and happy with who I am, which took time. I’ve enjoyed college and made new friendships. This “new me” is a better me—extroverted, kind, loved, and respected.
It was my graduation weekend, and it was known we would go out, and I would say goodbye to my friends. I’ve made a lot, so I was constantly distracted. If that makes me a party girl, so be it. I can party and be responsible. She can’t put me down for that when I haven’t done anything worse than she has. It feels like as soon as she gets sober, she looks down on people who don’t choose to be. So what if I was a little drunk? I have every right to be. We might’ve been out later than expected, but most people wouldn’t hold that against someone if they didn’t speak up about wanting to leave. Telling me you want to sit in my car instead of saying, "Hey, I’m not feeling great, let’s go," makes me confused. I shouldn’t have to guess someone’s meaning.
This weekend was going to be a big party, sober or not, as the visit was planned before that. She had visited over spring break, so she knew what it could be like. I can’t change my plans when it was my last chance to see my friends. Considering I’d be back in Washington in a week, I thought it was understood I’d spend time with people other than her and have some drinks to celebrate. I was excited my best friends would meet people I’ve connected with and see the downtown life I’d experienced working at a bar. I spent as much time as I could with my best friends, but I’ve made more friends since, who I had to say goodbye to. I thought celebrating meant helping me have a fun time on my last weekend in a place I didn’t want to leave yet. We weren’t always alone, but that couldn’t have been expected. We’d have alone time when I came home.
In her text on Tuesday, she accused me of needing help for ‘my substance abuse.’ Where she got that from, considering I was responsible and not blacking out (which I’ve never done), I have no idea. I guess I’m not allowed to drink when I’m celebrating or any other time. She’s really reaching, especially given her experiences versus mine. I’ve never judged her for getting as drunk as she gets. When I visited in January, I was happy to drive and be responsible, letting my friends get as drunk as they wanted. No judgment. It’s a problem when I drink but fine when she does when she’s off the wagon? She didn’t have a good college experience because she was in her interpretation a far bigger ‘party girl.’ Still, no judgment when she had to come home to leave the coke and drinking behind. But she judges me on my graduation weekend. I should’ve been more drunk.
How could she react like that? Blow up because she felt like I hurt her feelings? Valid to her but I had no idea cause she didn’t communicate with me. Well, she really hurt my feelings on the biggest day of my life—intentionally. I know she’s going through a lot, but that’s no reason to yell and threaten someone with violence before even talking to them. She told me to lose her number when I get home. She apologized in her text for threatening me but said she did not respect this ‘new me.’
Chat Gpt analyzed some perspectives for me

Synthesis:

Emotional Dynamics:

Your Efforts and Amanda’s Perceptions: - You actively tried to include Amanda in the celebration and ensure she felt supported, but Amanda perceived these efforts as insufficient or misdirected. This mismatch in perceived support versus actual support attempts created a foundational rift in understanding. - While you saw yourself as balancing multiple responsibilities—celebrating your graduation and ensuring your friends were included—Amanda may have felt that your attention was predominantly elsewhere, leading her to feel neglected and marginalized.

Communication Breakdown:

Expectations and Reality: - Your frustration stemmed from Amanda's lack of direct communication about her needs and feelings. You expected her to verbalize her discomfort, which she did not do, leading to a communication gap. - Amanda might have expected you to recognize her non-verbal cues and prioritize her needs intuitively, which didn't happen. This unmet expectation contributed to her sense of being overlooked and heightened her frustration.
Pre-existing Strain: - The history of tension and previous incidents, such as the road trip confrontation, added layers of complexity to your interactions. This historical context likely amplified the intensity of the current conflict, making both parties more sensitive to perceived slights and misunderstandings. - Your growth and changes since moving away might have created a divergence in how you and Amanda interact and understand each other, contributing to the disconnect.

Different Coping Mechanisms:

Graduation vs. Personal Struggles: - For you, the graduation was a celebratory milestone, an opportunity to reflect on personal growth and achievements. You were in a mindset of joy and festivity, which contrasted sharply with Amanda’s apparent preoccupation with her own struggles. - Amanda, dealing with distrust in her relationship and possibly feelings of inadequacy or stress, might have found it difficult to align her emotional state with the celebratory atmosphere. Her internal conflicts overshadowed her ability to engage positively in the festivities.
Social Dynamics: - You sought solace and enjoyment in social interactions, finding energy and comfort in being around friends and celebrating. This is indicative of an extroverted coping mechanism where external engagement helps manage stress. - Amanda, on the other hand, might have preferred more intimate and focused support. Her withdrawal and negative demeanor suggest she might have needed a quieter, more personal form of reassurance and connection, which she felt was lacking.

Mutual Misunderstanding:

Differing Interpretations of Behavior: - Your interpretation of Amanda’s disengagement as a lack of communication and her failure to advocate for her needs contrasts with her potential view of your actions as neglectful and unsupportive. Each party’s behavior was misunderstood by the other, leading to escalating frustration and hurt feelings. - Amanda’s accusation of substance abuse, while seemingly out of place to you, might have been her way of expressing deeper concerns or projecting her struggles. This misunderstanding highlights a significant gap in how both of you perceive and communicate about sensitive issues.
Emotional Fallout: - Both of you experienced emotional fallout from the events. You felt heartbroken and disappointed by Amanda's reactions and accusations, perceiving them as a betrayal during an important milestone. Amanda, meanwhile, might have felt abandoned and misunderstood, exacerbating her emotional turmoil. - The emotional intensity on both sides indicates that this conflict was more than just a series of misunderstandings but a clash of underlying expectations, communication styles, and emotional needs.

Moving Forward:

Reflection and Communication: - To bridge this gap, both parties would benefit from reflecting on their communication styles and expectations. Understanding that each person has different ways of expressing and perceiving support could help in realigning the friendship dynamics. - Open and honest dialogue about these events, where both can express their feelings and perspectives without judgment, might pave the way for mutual understanding and reconciliation. It’s crucial to acknowledge each other's emotional experiences and work towards a common ground of empathy and support.
Managing Expectations: - Setting clear expectations about support and communication in future interactions could prevent similar conflicts. For instance, agreeing on how to signal distress or need for support in a way that the other person understands can mitigate misinterpretations. - Recognizing and respecting each other’s coping mechanisms and emotional needs, especially during significant events, can help in maintaining a balanced and supportive friendship.
In summary, the conflict between you and Amanda arises from a complex interplay of misaligned expectations, communication breakdowns, and differing emotional needs. Both perspectives are valid, highlighting the importance of empathy, direct communication, and mutual understanding in resolving such conflicts and strengthening the friendship.

I started gaining weight after COVID hit. I moved out of my parents' house for the first time and my job was an intense job in the humanitarian sector, but it was 100% office based. I adopted a very unhealthy life-style where I had no set meals. In-lieu of regular meals, just about all my food consisted of snacks and if I cooked, it was all processed, fried food. Safe to say that I have gained a lot of weight from 2020 all up until now. I tried my best to diet and I managed to at least not have my weight go above 105 kg. It should be noted that my height is 177 cm.
Fast forward to 15 April 2024, I weight 103.5 kg when I did a body composition analysis using an InBody device in the gym I decided to hit. I was given a 5-day diet programme that consisted mostly of chicken breast, cooked rice, boiled eggs, salads, and fruit (only oranges and green apples).
I couldn't follow that diet strictly but I was always on a calorie deficit minus a couple of days where I indulged. The scale kept going down until it got stuck on 99.8 kg.
I got really happy at the gym because as weeks passed, I started lifting more and more weights and cardio started to be just boring, unlike when I first started when it was boring and painful.
Yesterday, after a month of working out at the gym and dieting, I did the InBody analysis again and found out that I am down 4.4 kg of fat and up 1.3 kg of muscles.
I am not sure how to feel about this. Is just losing 4.4 kg of fat a good thing in a month? I'm really tired of being obese and I'm scared that I have messed up.

I don't remember much but here: before 2017~ I would play a game where there was this main character guy who wore like a red hat. in the campaign, you started out in a cramped house and pick up stuff so you can leave. outside of the house there were enemies, like creatures you'd see in a kids movie. later the character goes in a cave and has to pick up keys to open doors whilst avoiding enemies like werewolves and stuff like that. the music that was used sounded like typical royalty free music. The art style was usually pixels but sometimes smooth drawings were used.

We've spent a painful amount of money on a tiny 80m² (860 sq ft) 100 year old semi-detached house which is even smaller than our current apartment that we're renting. Still not sure it's the best financial decision for us, but what is done is done. Moving in at the end of the month, and we're trying to figure out where to put all our furniture.
Luckily for the time being it is just us 2 adult humans and 2 adult felines.
https://preview.redd.it/j0y95ki1vp0d1.png?width=1292&format=png&auto=webp&s=cd467bacbb8c0432b803459ca76828077e46f075
All the cabinets, wardrobes, kitchen fittings appliances and laundry are newish and built in. The rest of it is our furniture that we can move/reposition/replace. Styling of the furniture is not exactly what it is, but the dimensions are about right.
https://preview.redd.it/352g7aikvp0d1.png?width=2659&format=png&auto=webp&s=bae9f764998545e357e5ec9536824e803c2508b4
Most of our stuff is ikea and we're extremely cash poor after the deposit and fees for the purchase so probably can't buy any new furniture for a while.
We don't have a dining set but we mostly eat in the lounge in front of the TV anyway (a bad habit I know) A dining table is in the future plans but will not be approached immediately.
The dining room should give us some room to store our stuff while we do some marie kondoing.
https://preview.redd.it/ob93g9zrvp0d1.png?width=2164&format=png&auto=webp&s=2df0cb3bee78b2b6d585763906d9815e131b2a1e
Does this look OK? I'm not very sure about the layout of the study but it seems to be the only way we can fit both our desks short of reversing the swing on the door to open into the corridor.
Would appreciate any thoughts.
For those lucky enough to live in a low cost of living area, this is what $1.27M USD = ($6700 USD per month over 30 years) gets you in a suburb 30 minutes away from the CBD by car in Australia.

Shortly before a final paper with pre-assigned topics was due for one of my last courses at Columbia University, our professor sent us an email telling us to forego the previous parameters of the essay, and to instead write about the events that had occurred not even forty-eight hours earlier, as well as our reflections on them, to be done in any manner we chose. Here is a very lightly revised version of what I submitted: read it, ignore it, upvote it, downvote it, hate it, love it.
I am prefacing this essay by stating that it is the culmination of several intense emotions that I have been dealing with over the last few weeks, more specifically, the last several days. It is a free-form expression of the many things occupying my mind, and, as such, it may seem overwhelming or disjointed. Nevertheless, I will do my best to convey my feelings into something representative of my beliefs, and my time at this institution.
My time at Columbia University has been bookended in an almost comically bad way; it started with Zoom classes during the COVID-19 pandemic, and now it ends with Zoom final exams due to the lockdown of Columbia’s campus after protests regarding the Israel – Palestine conflict reached a fever pitch not just within Morningside Campus, but the international stage. My classmates and I missed in-person orientation, and now, given recent developments, we will not have a University Commencement, a fact I found out not from Columbia, but a New York Times alert, somehow lowering my opinion of this administration’s handling of recent events even more. While the circumstances around my time at Columbia have now both begun and finished in the same manner, I am proud to say that I have not. I do not mean that Columbia has simply made me a better writer, a more critical thinker, or more well read, although it certainly has done those things, sometimes forcing me to when I was not particularly in the mood to do so, but those improvements pale in comparison to the maturity and empathy my time at this university has given me.
When the decision to transition to remote learning during the Spring 2020 semester was made, occurring only a short time after I had received my acceptance letter (email), my first thought was how the pandemic would affect my transfer from community college to Columbia in September. Admittedly, this was a selfish perspective, considering the tremendous challenges that many would endure during the ensuing lockdowns and other upheavals of life. My concerns were solely focused on myself because I was on a simple track to graduate, place my degree on my resumé, and continue my trajectory of military service to college to employment, leaving little else to consideration, to include other people who were not in my immediate circle. Sitting here now, two weeks from graduation, with a job at a Fortune 500 company lined up, I should be happy, with the plans I had made years ago coming to fruition. Yet I cannot help feeling a sense of sadness and concern for the school I have spent years of my life at, and for the world as a whole.
James Hatch, a former member of the United States’s elite Naval Special Warfare Development Group, or DEVGRU, for short, more commonly known by its nickname, Seal Team Six, famous for its involvement in the killing of Osama Bin Laden and the rescue of the Maersk Alabama Captain Richard Phillips from pirates, amongst other things, spent over twenty years in the military. After being wounded on a mission to rescue American serviceman sergeant Bowe Bergdahl from enemy forces, he was medically discharged, and would eventually attend Yale University. While there, he wrote a piece titled My Semester with the Snowflakes (please give this a read, it will help people who have never been in the military understand its culture, along with some of the challenges veterans face when transitioning to college), where he details his initial discomfort with being in a vastly different environment than the military, surrounded by individuals who possessed opinions and beliefs contrary to the ones he was accustomed to. He recalls witnessing a student protest the country he spent over two decades serving by coating her hand in red paint, and leaving a palm print on an American flag, and details his shock when a classmate of his explained to him what a “safe space” was, as well as his pride when he began to understand the nuances of life both inside and outside of the nation he dedicated twenty-six years to.
I can relate to Mr. Hatch, (despite my service paling in comparison to his, as well as the fact that Columbia is far superior to Yale), because, like his friends who make fun of him for attending college with a bunch of “snowflakes,” mine do the same. More significantly, however, his personal growth during his time at school is something that I have experienced myself. When I started at Columbia, I did not even know which major I would choose, and was largely lost in a world very different than the one I had come from. Despite this, I made the decision to avoid communities such as MilVets and the students who made it very clear that they came from a military background, with their style of dress and demeanor, not because those organizations and individuals are a detriment; I know for a fact that MilVets has helped countless students succeed at Columbia and beyond, and the veterans that I have relationships with are all phenomenal people, but because I wanted to pressure myself into being exposed to something different. I was uncomfortable at first, but this turned out to be the right decision. I learned as much from simply talking to people whom I would normally never converse with about topics and ideas that I had never encountered as I did during classes about great works of art, polar and Cartesian coordinates, literature, astronomy, the list goes on.
If the protests about the Israel – Palestine conflict had occurred when I first started at Columbia, I would have been frustrated by the students taking up space, forcing us to be funneled on to campus by restricted access points and identification checks. Likely irritated by the disturbance of the quiet during finals season, I would have agreed with the people who called for students to simply focus on their assignments and stop inconveniencing others by shouting about something occurring on the other side of the world. Instead, I decided to learn about the conflict, educating myself about both sides of a war that has roots extending back millennia. While Columbia University did not agree to the demands of the protestors, they achieved something else they surely desired, reaching a goal they did not state to President Shafik and her advisors: they brought attention to their cause by educating at least one additional person about it.
After reading, talking to people, listening to input from students within various classes, and understanding that things such as the intertwined nature of financial workings, as well as conflicts not just in the Middle East, but all over the world, are a level of complexity that baffles some of the most brilliant minds of ours and previous generations, I will leave my thoughts about Israel and Palestine separate from this paper. I recognize that it is important to choose a side, as remaining impartial helps no one. However, when every news agency, group and individual makes their voice heard, satirical sources such as The Onion make these kind of posts, or Adult Swim’s Rick, the nihilistic, narcissistic, psychopathic, misanthropic lead character from the series Rick and Morty, addresses the conflict in this manner, I feel that it is better to relegate myself to a much smaller part of this debate, namely the occurrences on Columbia University’s Morningside Campus.
During basic training for the United States Army, a sense of brotherhood and camaraderie is hammered into recruits’ identities. When you graduate and are assigned to a unit, one where you could be thousands of miles from home on the opposite side of the country, or even in a completely different country, serving on one of the international bases, approaching someone who you have never met before is easy. Talking to them about shared experiences and stories you have in common, and the bonding that occurs, is the product of an indoctrination process and lifestyle that has existed longer than any of us have been alive, and is proof of its effectiveness. This sense of familiarity tends to continue even when one leaves the military. The Veterans of Foreign Wars community is a place for prior servicemembers of all conflicts to share a drink, a laugh, and sometimes a tear. When I go to the Veterans Administration Hospital for periodic check-ups or the occasional injury, men and woman wearing hats commemorating their service during Vietnam waiting for their appointments greet me with a smile and a handshake, as if we have known each other for years. While working at a golf club’s greens department before I transferred to Columbia from community college, a coworker of mine who had served in the Gulf War had heard from our supervisor that I had been in the Army, and he introduced himself to me on my first day, before anyone else, telling me that if I needed anything, I only had to ask. This camaraderie has expanded to encompass not just veterans, but first responders such as firemen, EMT’s, and the police as well.
Underneath the picture on my driver’s license, the word “veteran” is emblazoned next to a star, written in bright red text and all capital letters. I know for a fact that this one-and-a-half-inch indicator has helped me during interactions with law enforcement on multiple occasions. Only earlier this semester, during Presidents’ Day weekend, I went upstate to spend time with my family. While driving back, in an effort to make the seven-hour trip at a reasonable time, I was stopped for going twenty miles-per-hour over the speed limit. The officer who pulled me over, initially reserved, became noticeably more friendly when I handed him my license and registration. Ultimately, he gave me what amounted to a parking ticket for my actions, rather than the point-incurring, heavily fined moving violation he could have charged me with.
The ‘Thin Blue Line,’ as it is known, is a reference to the idea that the police are the barrier between law abiding citizens and criminals, order and chaos. The most common representation of this concept is a black-and-white American flag, with a single blue line in the place where a red or white stripe would normally be. This style has been expanded to include numerous other colors representing other first-responders: green for the military, red and white no longer to be interpreted as the traditional stripes of the American flag, but instead meant to represent the fire department and paramedics, and even grey for corrections officers. Seeing the appropriation of one of the most iconic symbols in the world, one that flies above the White House, schools, homes, national and international events, and even the Moon, I can say, as someone who has been unwillingly entangled within that appropriation, is nothing short of terrifying.
The fact that these entities and their supporters have literally sewn themselves into the fabric of the symbol of our nation makes one think that there is little room for the countless other occupations, aspects and people that make up this country. The idea of the police being the sole protectors of our society is patently absurd, and all one must do is point out the many instances of police brutality occurring over the years to refute it. I find myself thinking of how much power the officer who stopped me just three months ago had over me. Initially, I was happy that I had received a slap on the wrist, but recently I have found myself wondering what if my license did not state that I was a veteran, would he have charged me with a ticket that would have had much more serious implications? What if he was simply having a bad day, and he decided he did not like the look of me, or the color of my car, and I was the one who he ultimately decided to vent his frustrations on? This traffic infraction, an incredibly small incident compared to all the turmoil in the world, one that involves two strangers, supposedly bonded by our professions, on the side of a quiet, New York highway, serves as a metaphor to me, reminding me of the power structures at play on a much larger scale.
On April 22^nd, 2024, I received this email, one of the many Clery Crime Alerts that students are automatically sent. An affiliate of Columbia University had their car stolen at gunpoint by two masked men on Claremont Avenue, not even a five-minute walk from campus. I skimmed the report, and almost immediately forgot about it, recognizing that crime is an inevitability in major cities, and that I needed to start my commute to school. Days later, on the night of April 30^th, 2024, I received another email from Columbia, containing one of the most ominous messages I had ever seen, one that put the kind of fear in my heart that not even the alert of an armed carjacking could. Columbia’s Emergency Management Operations Team, offering no explanations, specifications, or even a greeting or sign-off, wrote in bold letters these three sentences: “Shelter in place for your safety due to heightened activity on the Morningside campus. Non-compliance may result in disciplinary action. Avoid the area until further notice.” Due to the protests on campus during recent weeks, President Shafik testifying before Congress, Columbia’s role as one of the main catalysts for student protests around the country, and the occupation of Hamilton Hall occurring in the earlier hours of that day, it was not hard to figure out what the email was referencing. Over the next several hours, I followed news agencies, remained glued to the Columbia subreddit, and listened to WKCR, in awe of these eighteen- to twenty-two-year-old students putting themselves at risk to deliver on the ground, accurate, unbiased coverage of one of the most significant events in the school’s history.
While tracking the events from multiple perspectives, to include the social media accounts of those near and on campus live streaming them, I held out hope that the university would make good on their promise from several days earlier to not invite the NYPD back, but a frightening picture began to unfold, one that I was intimately familiar with. One WKCR reporter stated that 114^th street had so many officers on it that he could not see the asphalt of the road beneath them, and I knew that the staging area the NYPD had chosen was one of the best routes for moving towards what the military, and presumably law enforcement, would call an ‘objective.’ The officers cleared the smaller ‘objective,’ the largely unoccupied tents in front of Butler, and then moved towards Hamilton Hall, ordering even those not associated with its occupation to disperse, raising my stress levels and likely those of others, as it is rarely a good sign when police do not want their actions recorded and archived. After the initial entry to campus and clearing of areas and people in the immediate vicinity of Hamilton Hall, came the Long-Range Acoustic Device, or LRAD, a device that makes a megaphone sound like a whisper, and one known for its crowd-control potential, capable of producing sounds loud enough to cause damage to ear-drums, nausea, and headaches, ordering individuals to clear away. The NYPD began its execution of tactics in a way that my fellow soldiers and I used to rehearse, tactics I never dreamed that I would witness outside of the military, and certainly not by police officers who vastly outnumbered unarmed students on their own campus. The NYPD created a perimeter, or a ‘second layer of security’ to both provide reinforcements for the officers entering the building, and to prevent the fleeing of what are called ‘squirters,’ or individuals who attempt to escape the building after the raid begins. While the ‘breach’ team moved towards the front doors, using tools from a ‘hooligan kit,’ such as bolt cutters, hand-held battering rams and crowbars, a siege machine was brought in to allow access from a window; when taking over a building, the idea is to enter it from as many different directions as possible to better disorient and overwhelm its occupants. Flash-bang grenades, described as non-lethal, but known to have harmful effects, were thrown inside, presumably before entering any room, hallway, or otherwise enclosed area to minimize the resistance of anyone unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of what can only be described as an assault on the visual and auditory senses. According to the Manhattan District Attorney, one of the officers inside Hamilton Hall had what is called in the military a “negligent discharge,” meaning his firearm went off unintentionally. While no one was hurt, the question remains why at least one, and more likely, numerous other officers were carrying guns loaded with live ammunition in the first place, when they so drastically outmatched the protestors in numbers and equipment. Additionally, a negligent discharge is an act of incompetence that would result in an active-duty soldier facing serious consequences, and derision from his peers. So far, the officer remains defended by his coworkers, and unpunished by his superiors.
As all this unfolded, I communicated with my friends from the past and present. My friends from the military checked on me to ensure that I was okay, as did my friends from school. The difference in how they viewed these events highlights what I believe is the change in myself that I stated I am most proud of at the beginning of this paper. My friends from the military were commenting that the assertion of order and control by way of militarized tactics was necessary, not concerning themselves with the human toll and destruction of trust that came along with it. Conversely, my schoolmates lamented the brutality and overstepping of boundaries that the NYPD and Columbia’s administration committed, one that turned a place meant to be a beacon of free speech, expression, and ideas, into what is now a police-state with strict control over who enters it.
My education inside and outside the classroom at this institution has challenged, thrilled, and changed me. Sitting here now, at the end of this paper, the end of the semester, and the end of my time at Columbia University, I am left feeling confused and sad regarding recent events, but also hopeful for the future. I know from experience that the students, teachers, and culture of this school have the power to encourage critical thinking and initiate personal growth. If it did those things for me, surely it can do the same for others

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. It's a new relationship, but not THAT new as I have known him for 9 years. We actually dated back in high school when we were 15/16 and we are 25 now.
When we broke up I started dating a friend of his. He tried to get me back over the years, but I rejected him. The past 5 years we didn't keep up with each other at all until his dad died last March and I reached out. My relationship at the time was failing and he gave me the attention I so desperately craved and begged my ex for. We started dating a few months after talking. He immediately moved me in with his mom, but I sleep over at his grandparents house every night where he lives and helps take care of them. He is so good to me. So good. He makes me sandwiches and cuts the crust off, he always buys me food, he just makes sure I'm happy.
Now I don't know why, but I always had this weird feeling about this one girl (let's call her Haven). Haven is a name I saw in his car's Bluetooth area and I also saw someone named Haven try to call my boyfriend when we were in the car together when we first started dating. Months went by and I didn't really think much of it. In February I saw a Haven on my snapchat quick add, so being a creepy girlfriend I added it. It said her #1 best friend is also my #1 best friend, which is my boyfriend. I ask him who Haven is and he says she's just a friend. I'm cool with that answer until I saw him change his snapchat notifications to be private with no bitmoji. I ask him why he did that and he said it was because I was asking questions about Haven. I then asked if he slept with her, and he did. He said it's okay because she's a lesbian and they're just friends now and it's been over a year.
I was cool about it until I caught him on a hookup app. I saw it downloaded on his iPad. I lost a lot of trust in him. He swore up and down it was just to find only fans girls and told me this story on why he had to know their location and that they were real people. While he was in the shower today I snooped through his discord and saw messages between him and Haven. He very obviously had a huge crush on her. While he was in the Bahamas over the summer he messaged her and wished she was there with him. When we met up in person for the first time he gave me this ring made out of a conch shell. It felt so special because he was thinking of me while he was there. I asked him if he also got Haven a ring while he was in the Bahamas and he told me that the ring he gave me was originally intended for her. (Also in the discord it looked like he ignored her for months and she was very persistent on checking on him, sending him tons of messages and trying to call him for months).
Why the fuck would he give me a gift intended for another woman? ): I thought that ring was so special. Now I just feel like he's only with me because he couldn't have her.