I don't need to tell anyone here that housing affordability is bad right now so I'll cut to the chase...
What can be done about it?
I got seven proposals to address the problem.
But first.. lets talk about what I call 'Non-Solutions'.
A Non-Solution is something that feels like a solution but isn't. For example: Scratching at itchy skin isn't a solution to a rash.
There's a few Non-Solutions I'm going to be avoiding with my proposals:

• Price Fixing: Simply mandating that X costs $N, at a government level, doesn't fix anything. Ask USSR. Prices determined by markets are not 'fair', but they are realistic outcomes to the situations which created them, whether it's a lack of regulation, lack of supply, etc. High prices are a symptom of bigger problems that need to be addressed.
• Free Money: While it seems like an easy fix, just handing out money until everyone can afford everything, you don't need to be an economist to know that doesn't work. Prices are a function of purchase power. If you increase everyone's purchase power equally, prices will adjust to match. We've all seen this, the inflation we're experiencing right now in Australia is likely a direct outcome of the spending during the pandemic.

Instead solutions need to be formed through means such as:

• Using the tax system to incentivise behaviour that results in cheaper housing, and de-incentivise behaviour that results in more expensive housing.
• Adjusting laws that result in more expensive housing, removing laws that are an obstacle to cheaper housing.
• Creating alternatives to the existing housing stock in the market.
• Government initiatives that increase housing stock.

So - what could we do?

Proposal 1 - The AAHC

I call it the 'Australian Affordable Housing Construction Company', aka, AAHC Co.
Government initiated housing construction company, similar to the NBN Co.
It has one goal: Build houses and sell them. It has a target rate of 'houses/quarter' it aims to construct houses at. That rate is set by an independent body that aims to keep the cost of housing to a fixed level relative to incomes, and controlled in a fashion similar to the official interest rate. Another lever on the economy. The rate increases when housing supply is low, and decreases when housing supply is high.
The AAHC builds houses. Then sells them. Simple as that. No other purpose. The goal is to break even, build houses, sell them at market value (no profit). The great thing is, this means the AAHC has a net zero funding cost for the tax payer - literally costs nothing to run, because it pays for itself through sales of houses.
The actual construction would be done by external private construction companies under contract who compete under bids to build suburbs worth of houses in large projects. Which is another benefit. Lots of jobs creation, a big boon for our local manufacturing and construction industry, and any related employment opportunities (construction companies don't just hire builders after all, they hire graphic designers, accountants, managers, receptionists, etc).
As additional benefit, because the government is building the houses, it can ensure the houses meet conditions and standards we the people want to see applied to future housing construction. So it could be mandated for example, every new home constructed must have air conditioning, must have solar panels, etc.
The AAHC Co in summary:

• Allows for a market based approach to control the cost of housing.
• Costs nothing (to the taxpayer) to run, self funded.
• Reduces the single largest expense we have in life (housing).
• Would create tens of thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands, of jobs.
• Can improve the quality of our supply of houses in the market by building better houses.

Proposal 2 - Nationalised Definitions of 'Tiny Homes', and Easing Of Laws Regarding Them

The reality is, there is such a shortfall of housing in Australia, that it may take a decade or longer to address the problem, even if we started implementing the right policies to do so today.
What people need is alternatives. Today.
Such as 'Tiny Homes'.
Tiny homes can be constructed in larger quantities, prefab, for cheaper than a house, and constructed on a trailer frame which allows them to be easily moved and transported.
They can be significantly cheaper than a house, and moved easily, opening up prospects for someone to own reasonable housing in Australia for a fraction of the cost of buying an established constructed house, by buying very cheap land, a cheap 'Tiny Home' and parking it permanently on their land. Then eventually moving it on, selling it even, once it comes time to upgrade to a permanent fixture house, or move into a larger fixed house.
Because they're legally defined as caravans, they subject to all the same rules.
The first problem is, those rules vary depending on where you live. Not just for each state, but even depending which council you live in. Some councils have no clear regulations at all, making matters worse. A nationalised definition of a 'Tiny Home', and national laws regarding them, would make life easier for everyone.
The second problem is, because currently Tiny Homes are defined legally as Caravans, they are subject to the same restrictions, which can be stifling, such as, subject to location (state or council laws vary). Here are some of the worst restrictions found around the country:

• Can not be placed on a vacant block of land without an existing dwelling
• No more than 1 is allowed on residential land
• Contains no more than 2 bedrooms
• Requires development approval every time they're moved
• May result in additional charges for council rates

A nationalised legal framework for tiny homes, and easing of laws around them, to make them easier and cheaper to obtain, install and live in, would open up possibilities for alternative means of housing to ease the burden on the existing housing market.

Proposal 3 - Housing Super Fund

Super is a well established method for ensuring individuals can afford their retirement without resorting to giving people free money or price fixing the cost of retirement. It forces employers to make contributions to employee's super funds, that then collect invest, grow, and eventually can be accessed at retirement age.
This is a mechanism we can borrow to achieve a similar result for renters, to allow them eventually afford housing.
I call it a 'Housing Super Fund'.
How it could work is like this:
Every tenant is Australia, could have a 'housing super fund' set up for them when they start renting. Every time a tenant pays rent, the land lord receiving the rental payment, could be required to deposit 5% of that payment into the tenant's housing super fund.
Land lords will insist, argue, that they will put up rents by 5% to compensate. But this is a lie. Prices are determined by customer purchase power. Renters will not have any additional purchase power as a result of this change. Rents won't go up in real terms over a long period of time, instead this change eats a cut away of rents from landlords and invests it on the behalf of tenants.
The housing super fund could be made accessible if and when a tenant is making their "first home purchase". If that never occurs, the funds could available automatically at retirement age instead.

Proposal 4 - Increased Property Taxes for Landlords & Elimination of Negative Gearing

While some people are facing the prospect that they may NEVER be able to afford a house in their lifetime - other individuals, might have as many as 7 properties, and are currently shopping for their 8th.
It's obvious, that the system strongly favours those who already own houses and have capital, ahead of those who don't.
So, simple solution, is to increase taxes for being a landlord.
Property taxes faced by individuals could be higher for those who own more than one house, and increase with each additional house owned.
And, Negative Gearing, eliminated, since it creates such a massive financial incentive to own more than one house.

Proposal 6 - Harsh taxes on empty resident housing

A simple proposal.
There are empty houses across Australia.
Tax the owners until they either rent them out or sell them or move into them.

Proposal 7 - Housing HELP Loan

Saved the best for last. Got a HELP Loan? Then you know how this loan structure works.
You borrow money from the government to pay for education, and then pay off that help loan in your taxes, if and when your income is above a minimum threshold. In the mean time, the loan amount is adjusted based on interest rates at the end of each financial year.
There's no reason why we can't have a similar loan structure made available for housing.
'Housing HELP Loan' could be made available to cover up to 75% of the purchase price of an individual's first home, with the remaining 25% required as an upfront deposit. The loan then can be paid off as part of the individual's taxes if and when their income is above a minimum threshold.
This would enable millions who currently can't get a home loan to finally get one, and ensure the debt of a home loan isn't financially crushing when individuals end up in a situation where they are temporarily unable to pay off their loan due to loss of employment.
That's 7 proposals to fixing housing affordability in Australia.
Which ones do you think would work?
Which ones do you think would stand a chance politically of being supported by a major party and made into reality?

My parents are horrible for each other, too stubborn and antagonistic to ever live peacefully together. My entire childhood was spent keeping them off each other's throats and making sure one didn't kill the other. My mom is confrontational and has this tendency of fixating on a topic for days. Like literally will pick a topic and continue berating or belittling for days on end. She has faced a lot from extreme financial stress to near torture from her parents-in-law. It's not an excuse but just a fact
My dad is stubborn and doesn't think before he speaks, and takes things lightly, never thinking about the other person. He has ever been financially stable but asked my mom to leave her high-paying job to look after me and my sister when we were younger.
Both are manipulative to a fault and will make sure that everyone around them is either obeying every word they have spoken or both will resort to violence. Both me and my sister have been beaten black and blue on multiple occasions.
I have spent 18 years keeping the two of them together, making sure that fights don't escalate too much, making sure that if nothing, they stayed together for my sister, who was too young to handle their separation. A couple days ago, the two of them pushed each other too far and my dad finally broke, telling her that once the debts were gone, he would leave too. He plans to get me out of the house too, leaving my mom and sister together. I don't plan on leaving my sister alone with either of them but I'm still only a second year in university in Engineering and dual enrolled for 2 different degree programs. Even if I take out a loan to support my studies, I cannot support her studies too at this juncture. I have finals in a couple days and them splitting up is all I can think about. I know that their relationship is toxic and they deserve to be free of it but they are my parents and I'm worried about what happens next to my sister and I as we are largely dependent on them. My sister doesn't know anything and I'm terrified. Please advice, especially how not to fall apart.

Biographical Index of the Framers of the Constitution

 * = didn't sign the Constitution 

Connecticut: Oliver Ellsworth*, William. Samuel Johnson, Roger Sherman
Delaware: Richard Bassett, Gunning Bedford, Jr., Jacob Broom, John Dickinson, George Read
Georgia: Abraham Baldwin, William Few, William Houston, William L. Pierce
Maryland: Daniel Carroll, Daniel of St. Thomas Jenifer, Luther Martin, James McHenry John F. Mercer
Massachusetts: Elbridge Gerry, Nathaniel Gorham, Rufus King, Caleb Strong
New Hampshire: Nicholas Gilman, John Langdon
New Jersey: David Brearly, Jonathan Dayton, William C. Houston*, William Livingston, William Paterson
New York: Alexander Hamilton, John Lansing, Jr., Robert Yates
North Carolina: William. Blount, William R. Davie, Alexander Martin, Richard. Dobbs Spaight, Hugh Williamson
Pennsylvania: George Clymer, Thomas Fitzsimons, Benjamin Franklin, Jared Ingersoll Thomas Mifflin, Gouverneur Morris, Robert Morris, James Wilson
Rhode Island did not send any delegates to the Constitutional Convention.
South Carolina: Pierce Butler, Charles Pinckney, Charles Cotesworth Pinckney, John Rutledge
Virginia: John Blair, James Madison Jr., George Mason, James McClurg, Edmund J. Randolph, George Washington, George Wythe
What happened to the founders of the Constitution?
¹. The founders of the Constitution, also known as the Framers, played various roles in shaping early American politics and government. Here is what happened to some of the key figures: ². George Washington - Became the first President of the United States. ³. John Adams - Became the second President of the United States. ⁴. homas Jefferson - became the third President of the United States. He Played a significant role in early American politics, serving as the third President of the United States ⁵. James Madison - Became the fourth President of the United States. ⁶. James Monroe - Became the fifth President of the United States. ⁷. Alexander Hamilton - Played a key role in establishing the nation's financial system and was killed in a duel by Aaron Burr. ⁸. Benjamin Franklin - Passed away in 1790, after the Constitution was ratified. ⁹. Roger Sherman - Continued his political career and served in Congress. ¹⁰. Gouverneur Morris - Continued his political career and played a role in drafting the final version of the Constitution. ¹¹. John Dickinson - Played a role in early American politics and served in various government positions. ¹². George Mason - Opposed the Constitution's ratification and did not sign it. He continued to be involved in Virginia politics. ¹³. Elbridge Gerry - Signed the Constitution but later opposed it. He served as Vice President of the United States under James Madison. ¹⁴. William Paterson - Continued his legal and political career, serving as Governor of New Jersey. ¹⁵. Charles Pinckney - Continued his political career and served in various government positions. ¹⁶. John Rutledge - Served as Chief Justice of the United States and also as an Associate Justice on the Supreme Court. ¹⁷. Oliver Ellsworth - Played a role in early American government and served as Chief Justice of the United States. ¹⁸. John Jay - Played a significant role in early American politics, including serving as the first Chief Justice of the United States.
Here is how some of the key figures involved in the creation of the Constitution passed away:
• George Washington - Died of a severe throat infection in 1799. • James Madison - Died of heart failure in 1836. • Alexander Hamilton - Killed in a duel by Aaron Burr in 1804. • Benjamin Franklin - Passed away in 1790 due to old age and health complications. •John Adams - Died of natural causes in 1826. • Thomas Jefferson - Passed away due to natural causes in 1826. • James Monroe - Died of heart failure and tuberculosis in 1831. • Roger Sherman - Died of typhoid fever in 1793. • Gouverneur Morris - Died in 1816 after a carriage accident led to a leg amputation. • John Dickinson - Died of a stroke in 1808. • George Mason - Died of natural causes in 1792. • Elbridge Gerry - Died of a heart attack in 1814. • William Paterson - Died of complications from a urinary tract infection in 1806. • Charles Pinckney - Died in 1824 due to natural causes. • John Rutledge - Died by suicide in 1800. • Oliver Ellsworth - Died of a heart attack in 1807. • John Jay - Died of complications from paralysis in 1829.
Here is a brief overview of the success ratings of U.S. Presidents from George Washington to Joe Biden: George Washington - Considered highly successful for his leadership during the American Revolution and his role as the first President. - John Adams - Faced challenges like the Quasi-War with France but is respected for avoiding war and his diplomatic efforts. - Thomas Jefferson - Known for the Louisiana Purchase and expansion of the U.S. territory. - James Madison - Led the country through the War of 1812. - James Monroe - Oversaw the "Era of Good Feelings" and the Monroe Doctrine. - John Quincy Adams - Advocated for infrastructure and education but faced challenges from political rivals. - Andrew Jackson - Known for his populism and expansion of presidential powers. - Martin Van Buren - Faced economic challenges during the Panic of 1837. - William Henry Harrison - Died shortly after taking office, so his impact was limited. John Tyler - Faced challenges due to his succession from Harrison and his support of Texas annexation. - James K. Polk - Successful in achieving territorial expansion, including the Mexican-American War. - Zachary Taylor - Limited impact due to his short time in office before his death. - Millard Fillmore - Oversaw the Compromise of 1850 but faced criticism for his stance on slavery. Franklin Pierce - Faced challenges due to his support of the Kansas-Nebraska Act and the growing tensions over slavery. James Buchanan - Criticized for his handling of the secession crisis that led to the Civil War. - Abraham Lincoln - Highly regarded for preserving the Union, abolishing slavery, and leading the country through the Civil War. Andrew Johnson - Faced impeachment but is recognized for his efforts in Reconstruction. Ulysses S. Grant - Known for his efforts in Reconstruction and the fight against the Ku Klux Klan. Rutherford B. Hayes - Oversaw the end of Reconstruction and efforts to reform civil service. James A. Garfield - Assassinated early in his term, limiting his impact. Chester A. Arthur - Known for civil service reform efforts. Grover Cleveland - Served non-consecutive terms and focused on economic issues. Benjamin Harrison - Oversaw economic growth but faced challenges in his bid for re-election. Grover Cleveland (2nd term) - Continued to focus on economic reforms. William McKinley - Led the country through the Spanish-American War and focused on economic prosperity. Theodore Roosevelt - Known for his progressive policies and trust-busting efforts. William **Howard Taft - Faced challenges within his party and with progressive reforms. Woodrow Wilson - Led the country through World War I and advocated for the League of Nations. Warren G. Harding - Oversaw economic growth but his administration was marred by scandal. Calvin Coolidge - Known for his economic policies and advocacy for limited government. Herbert Hoover - Faced the Great Depression and criticism for his handling of the crisis. Franklin D. Roosevelt - Led the country through the Great Depression and World War II, i, implementing the New Deal. Harry S. Truman - Oversaw the end of World War II and the beginning of the Cold War. Dwight D. Eisenhower - Known for his leadership during World War II and his focus on infrastructure. John F. Kennedy - Led the country during the Cuban Missile Crisis and advocated for civil rights. Lyndon B. Johnson - Focused on civil rights and the Great Society programs but faced criticism for his handling of the Vietnam War. Richard Nixon - Resigned due to the Watergate scandal, overshadowing his foreign policy achievements. Gerald Ford - Took office after Nixon's resignation and faced challenges with the economy and foreign policy. Jimmy Carter - Faced challenges with the economy and foreign policy, including the Iran Hostage Crisis. Ronald Reagan - Known for his conservative policies and role in ending the Cold War. George H. W. Bush - Oversaw the end of the Cold War and the Gulf War. Bill Clinton - Focused on economic prosperity and domestic policies but faced impeachment. George W. Bush - Led the country through the 9/11 attacks and the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Barack Obama - Known for the Affordable Care Act and efforts to revive the economy after the 2008 financial crisis. Donald Trump - Controversial presidency… Joseph Biden - Total nut job...
Here are some of the notable negative aspects or controversies associated with each U.S. President:
• George Washington - Controversies surrounding his ownership of slaves and his role in the Whiskey Rebellion. • John Adams - Alien and Sedition Acts restricting civil liberties and targeting immigrants. • Thomas Jefferson - Hypocrisy regarding slavery while advocating for liberty, and the Embargo Act's economic impact. • James Madison - Struggles during the War of 1812 and criticisms of the Treaty of Ghent. • James Monroe - Economic challenges during the Panic of 1819 and controversies over the Missouri Compromise. • John Quincy Adams - Unpopular "Corrupt Bargain" election and difficult relationship with Congress. • Andrew Jackson - Treatment of Native Americans, particularly the Trail of Tears, and his use of executive power. • Martin Van Buren - Blamed for the economic downturn known as the Panic of 1837. • William Henry Harrison - Limited impact due to his short tenure, so criticisms were not fully developed. • John Tyler - Annexation of Texas and conflicts with Congress. • James K. Polk - Handling of the Mexican-American War and accusations of expansionism. • Zachary Taylor - Short presidency limited the development of criticisms. • Millard Fillmore - Support for the Compromise of 1850 and stance on slavery. • Franklin Pierce - Support of the Kansas-Nebraska Act and handling of slavery issues. • James Buchanan - Inaction leading up to the Civil War and support for pro-slavery policies. • Abraham Lincoln - Handling of the Civil War, suspension of civil liberties, and Emancipation Proclamation. • Andrew Johnson - Opposition to civil rights legislation and conflicts with Congress. • Ulysses S. Grant - Administration plagued by corruption scandals. • Rutherford B. Hayes - End of Reconstruction and the Compromise of 1877. • James A. Garfield - Assassination limited the development of criticisms. • Chester A. Arthur - Ties to political machines and patronage practices. • Grover Cleveland - Handling of the Panic of 1893 and labor unrest. • Benjamin Harrison - Lack of leadership during economic downturn. • Grover Cleveland (2nd term) - Continued challenges with economic issues and labor disputes. • William McKinley - Handling of the Spanish-American War and accusations of imperialism. • Theodore Roosevelt - Trust-busting policies and involvement in the Panama Canal controversy. • William Howard Taft - Conflicts with progressive Republicans and conservation issues. • Woodrow Wilson - Handling of racial issues, civil liberties, and Treaty of Versailles. • Warren G. Harding - Administration marred by scandals like Teapot Dome. • Calvin Coolidge - Laissez-faire approach to the economy and limited government intervention. • Herbert Hoover - Handling of the Great Depression and perceived inaction. • Franklin D. Roosevelt - Criticism of New Deal policies and attempt to expand the Supreme Court. • Harry S. Truman - Handling of the Korean War and accusations of communist infiltration. • Dwight D. Eisenhower - Criticisms of domestic policies and civil rights actions. • John F. Kennedy - Bay of Pigs invasion and Cuban Missile Crisis. • Lyndon B. Johnson - Handling of the Vietnam War and civil rights issues. • Richard Nixon - Resignation due to the Watergate scandal. • Gerald Ford - Pardon of Richard Nixon and economic challenges. • Jimmy Carter - Handling of the Iran Hostage Crisis and economic difficulties. • Ronald Reagan - Economic policies, Iran-Contra affair, and environmental deregulation. • George H. W. Bush - Breaking "no new taxes" pledge and economic management. • Bill Clinton - Monica Lewinsky scandal and foreign policy decisions. • George W. Bush - Iraq War, Hurricane Katrina response, and economic policies. • Barack Obama - Affordable Care Act and foreign policy actions. • Donald Trump - Divisive policies, impeachment, and COVID-19 pandemic response. • Joe Biden - U.S. withdrawal from Afghanistan, COVID-19 response, and economic policies.
All had their problems but, none as bad as Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama, Donald Trump and the nut job Joseph Biden.
Here is the political party affiliation of each U.S. President: George Washington - No formal party affiliation, though he is generally associated with the Federalist Party. John Adams - Federalist Party Thomas Jefferson - Democratic-Republican Party James Madison - Democratic-Republican Party James Monroe - Democratic-Republican Party John Quincy Adams - Democratic-Republican/National Republican Andrew Jackson - Democratic Party Martin Van Buren - Democratic Party William Henry Harrison - Whig Party John Tyler - Whig Party James K. Polk - Democratic Party Zachary Taylor - Whig Party Millard Fillmore - Whig Party Franklin Pierce - Democratic Party James Buchanan - Democratic Party Abraham Lincoln - Republican Party Andrew Johnson - Democratic Party (National Union) Ulysses S. Grant - Republican Party Rutherford B. Hayes - Republican Party James A. Garfield - Republican Party Chester A. Arthur - Republican Party Grover Cleveland - Democratic Party Benjamin Harrison - Republican Party Grover Cleveland (2nd term) - Democratic Party William McKinley - Republican Party Theodore Roosevelt - Republican Party William Howard Taft - Republican Party Woodrow Wilson - Democratic Party Warren G. Harding - Republican Party Calvin Coolidge - Republican Party Herbert Hoover - Republican Party Franklin D. Roosevelt - Democratic Party Harry S. Truman - Democratic Party Dwight D. Eisenhower - Republican Party John F. Kennedy - Democratic Party Lyndon B. Johnson - Democratic Party Richard Nixon - Republican Party Gerald Ford - Republican Party Jimmy Carter - Democratic Party Ronald Reagan - Republican Party George H. W. Bush - Republican Party Bill Clinton - Democratic Party George W. Bush - Republican Party Barack Obama - Democratic Party Donald Trump - Republican Party Joe Biden - Democratic Party
What is the Whig party? The Whig Party was a political party in the United States that existed from the early 1830s to the mid-1850s.
Here are some key points about the Whig Party: Origins: The Whig Party emerged in the 1830s as a coalition of various anti-Jacksonian factions. They opposed the policies of Democratic President Andrew Jackson, particularly his expansion of executive power and his handling of the Bank of the United States. Beliefs: The Whigs supported a strong federal government, internal improvements such as infrastructure projects, a national banking system, and protective tariffs to promote industry. Leadership: Prominent Whig leaders included Henry Clay, Daniel Webster, and William Henry Harrison. Presidential Success: Four Whig presidents served in office: William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, Zachary Taylor, and Millard Fillmore. Decline: The party began to splinter over issues such as slavery, the Mexican-American War, and the Compromise of 1850. The rise of the anti-slavery Republican Party and internal divisions led to the decline of the Whig Party. Legacy: While the Whig Party itself dissolved in the 1850s, many former Whigs joined the Republican Party or other political movements. The Whigs left a legacy of advocating for economic development and opposition to executive overreach.
Explain the Democratic-Republican Party The Democratic-Republican Party was one of the first political parties in the United States. Here are some key points about the Democratic-Republican Party: Founding: The party was founded by Thomas Jefferson and James Madison in the early 1790s in opposition to the Federalist Party led by Alexander Hamilton. Beliefs: The Democratic-Republicans favored a limited federal government, states' rights, agrarian interests, and a strict interpretation of the Constitution. They were critical of a strong central government and favored an agrarian society of small farmers. Leadership: Thomas Jefferson and James Madison were key figures in the party. Jefferson served as the third President of the United States from 1801 to 1809, and Madison succeeded him as the fourth President from 1809 to 1817. Opposition: The Democratic-Republicans opposed the Federalist Party's policies, including the Alien and Sedition Acts and a national bank. They supported the principles of the French Revolution and favored closer ties with France rather than Britain. Achievements: The Democratic-Republicans were responsible for the Louisiana Purchase in 1803, which doubled the size of the United States. They also oversaw the abolition of the national debt during Jefferson's presidency. Transformation: Over time, the Democratic-Republican Party split into factions, with some members eventually forming the Democratic Party, while others joined the Whig Party. The Democratic Party that emerged retained some of the principles of the Democratic-Republican Party. The Democratic-Republican Party played a significant role in shaping early American politics and government, advocating for a decentralized system and agrarian interests.
Explain the federalist party The Federalist Party was one of the first political parties in the United States. Here are some key points about the Federalist Party: Founding: The Federalist Party was founded in the 1790s by Alexander Hamilton, John Adams, and others who supported a strong central government and a loose interpretation of the Constitution. Beliefs: The Federalists believed in a strong federal government, a national bank, protective tariffs, and close ties with Britain. They favored an industrial and commercial economy over an agrarian one. Leadership: Alexander Hamilton was a key leader of the Federalist Party, along with John Adams, who became the second President of the United States from 1797 to 1801. Policies: The Federalists supported the Alien and Sedition Acts, which restricted immigration and free speech, and they favored a pro-British foreign policy. They were often at odds with the Democratic-Republicans led by Thomas Jefferson. Opposition: The Democratic-Republican Party emerged as the main opposition to the Federalists, criticizing their policies as favoring the wealthy and infringing on states' rights. Decline: The Federalist Party declined after the War of 1812, as their opposition to the war hurt their popularity. The party eventually dissolved in the 1820s, leaving the Democratic-Republicans as the dominant political force. The Federalist Party played a significant role in shaping early American politics, advocating for a strong central government and policies that favored commerce and industry.

Im 22 and I kinda wanted to get this off my chest. I’m 22 recently graduated college and have started summer. My little sister who completed her first year of college came back home and we are now sharing a room again. When she left for college me and her had been sharing a room. I never got to stay at my college dorm and so for four years I stayed in my room with her until she went to college herself. While she was gone I got use to having the room to myself and at first it was weird but I quickly enjoyed the space and the perks of just having a place to unwind yourself. Flashforward to now and it’s no longer like that and it seems that I can never really have a space to be alone when I need it. There is a spare room my older brother used to use but he left and the room has become a sorta guest room. I would chill in there a few hours before having to go back to me and my sisters room to sleep but I kinda want it to be my room. Today I had a spat with my mom and after it was over she demanded I go back to my sisters room and go to bed and stop trying to “take the room” for some reason the moment frustrated me a lot and now I’m just wondering how to find some autonomy for myself. I have no job no real friends and feel so stuck here all the time it’s suffocating. I feel like I’m not even my own person yet at my big age and seem to just folllow everything my parents want. I applied for my masters as a means to not give my family stress for not doing it but I don’t want to be in a mountain of debt either. I woulda wanted to take a gap year to save money but in the end it seemed like the way to go. Because I have zero friends and haven’t for all my college experience the last time I’ve socialized with my peers would have been my graduation and a small talk even. That would be 3 weeks ago. Since then I’ve just been at home around my family. We only have 1 car so although I can drive I’m not always able to go anywhere unless accompanied with my mom or having to work around their schedule and even then asking to go somewhere becomes an issue. I sometimes don’t even care for getting out of bed bc my days are the same. I have no human connection outside this house and I feel like I’ve missed everything sweet about ur 20s. Like my college experience even. I envy my sister a bit bc she was able to be away from home and be able to freely walk around campus away from parents eyes and even make a few friends. I love that for her though cuz I wouldn’t want her experiencing the loneliness almost numb feeling of constantly being by yourself and trapped in ur home. This summer I’ve just been growing frustrated since classes are over and the one place I would go has cease. I’m so frustrated with so many things. What should I even do? I’ve applied for two jobs before writing this I just wanna leave this place

Im 22 and I kinda wanted to get this off my chest. I’m 22 recently graduated college and have started summer. My little sister who completed her first year of college came back home and we are now sharing a room again. When she left for college me and her had been sharing a room. I never got to stay at my college dorm and so for four years I stayed in my room with her until she went to college herself. While she was gone I got use to having the room to myself and at first it was weird but I quickly enjoyed the space and the perks of just having a place to unwind yourself. Flashforward to now and it’s no longer like that and it seems that I can never really have a space to be alone when I need it. There is a spare room my older brother used to use but he left and the room has become a sorta guest room. I would chill in there a few hours before having to go back to me and my sisters room to sleep but I kinda want it to be my room. Today I had a spat with my mom and after it was over she demanded I go back to my sisters room and go to bed and stop trying to “take the room” for some reason the moment frustrated me a lot and now I’m just wondering how to find some autonomy for myself. I have no job no real friends and feel so stuck here all the time it’s suffocating. I feel like I’m not even my own person yet at my big age and seem to just folllow everything my parents want. I applied for my masters as a means to not give my family stress for not doing it but I don’t want to be in a mountain of debt either. I woulda wanted to take a gap year to save money but in the end it seemed like the way to go. Because I have zero friends and haven’t for all my college experience the last time I’ve socialized with my peers would have been my graduation and a small talk even. That would be 3 weeks ago. Since then I’ve just been at home around my family. We only have 1 car so although I can drive I’m not always able to go anywhere unless accompanied with my mom or having to work around their schedule and even then asking to go somewhere becomes an issue. I sometimes don’t even care for getting out of bed bc my days are the same. I have no human connection outside this house and I feel like I’ve missed everything sweet about ur 20s. Like my college experience even. I envy my sister a bit bc she was able to be away from home and be able to freely walk around campus away from parents eyes and even make a few friends. I love that for her though cuz I wouldn’t want her experiencing the loneliness almost numb feeling of constantly being by yourself and trapped in ur home. This summer I’ve just been growing frustrated since classes are over and the one place I would go has cease. I’m so frustrated with so many things. What should I even do? I’ve applied for two jobs before writing this I just wanna leave this place

I see the DFV memes. I see the Shrek dildos. I see the market manipulation.
I see thousands of people who all see the same things I do, and sometimes they try to educate the ones around them. They hope that this collection of due diligence and hundreds upon thousands of hours of research, and smooth brain evolution that has taken place over 3 and a half years will eventually start to shine some light on the insanity of the world we have settled into; the world they’ve cleverly constructed for us where common folk are rightfully put in their place, and gaslit into thinking that the billionaires of the world understand how society should operate.
If only it were really that easy. Change is hard, and if the thesis behind the short-sellers and this stock is correct (for me, this week is insurmountable evidence), a very hard change is coming.
For a moment, I'd like to address something that a lot of people are probably feeling at the moment: self-doubt. There’s a good chance that not many people will recognize me because most of my activity was on the original sub, and once the death-threats and bombardments of verbal abuse hit my inbox, I quickly turtled away and held on tight.
I was responsible for the post “Today Is Not Endgame” the Friday after the buy button was turned off, and it skyrocketed to the frontpage of Reddit with 45k+ updoots while none of us really knew the capacity for fuckery that Hedge Fucks were capable of. Most of us know how the next week and 84 years played out.
I spent years wondering if I did a disservice to people with that post, and wrang my own hands for never having sold any shares (nothing came of said wringing of hands, clearly, cause they’re diamond). I’ve poured over all of the DD, faded away from the community for multiple months at a time; have suffered an ER visit putting me 6 figures in debt, nearly filed bankruptcy, fell in love, and am now sharing this journey with someone who had no idea there was a veil to be lifted.
I guess all of this is simply just to say: don’t forget a very important aspect of why you bought, directly registered, and hold onto Gamestop stock:
You like the stock.
And I, personally, will always like the stock. And even love it when the next LEAP year comes our way.

I am in desperate need of advice. Ive been in sales since I turned 20 (5 years) and i have grown an absolute hatred for it. Thinking of returning to work after my PTO is putting me into a dark mental state knowing I have to go and lie to people to make money. This is not who i want to be as a person. I honestly feel like a sleeeeeeze ball. So im starting my journey of finding a new job however, i dont know what field i should look into, what i want to do, what i should try… basically, im starting from scratch but i need ideas/ advice/ help/ any input one can offer
I have put myself in an unfortunate situation of debt that is only being upkept by my current Salary+commission, by living too kushy and beyond my means. This is important because i have recognized the problem i have created, i want to fix it, but leaving my current job will not allow me to unless I have a job that pays equal or more than what im currently making.
I need a job that i can get into quickly, entry level, $55,000+ per year that is not sales. Honestly i don’t care if im scraping gum off the sidewalk with my teeth, as long as its not sales. I have some college under my belt (2 and a half years), but no degree. No certificates anymore (i used to be a CNA).
If any of that sounds unreasonable, please tell me that im living a life of illusions because im telling myself its possible and i may need someone to snap me back to reality to deal with it.
Any advice helps, thank you ahead of time.

Hi! I'm the bf of a gf who's been accepted to both JHU and UW Seattle for mech engineering. I'm super proud of her, and we've been weighing the pros/cons of going to each school, but it's been super difficult to decide. We're both from WA (I've also been accepted to UW Seattle for CS), so she'd be a in-state student. She's committed to JHU (just because the deadline is earlier than UW's, and she's heavily considering JHU), but still thinks about UW as an option. Some background, she's worked really hard in HS, taking on a contractor job at Boeing, has done a Museum of Flight program, done a bunch of 3D modeling/printing work. She's always been a learner, trying to learn more and doesn't want to stop learning. So that's where the line comes with UW and JHU. Here's what we have so far:
UW: - "meh" mech engineering program, she's heard that it's mostly theoretical (just design practice), less hands-on - unable to double major - about 15k a year, would commute for at least first year, considering other options in seattle after - grand total, 60k undergrad, 40k masters (?) = 100k for 6 years-ish

• opportunities at Boeing are almost guaranteed, because she made some lasting connections over there from her summer contract. She does mention, though, that she doesn't want to limit herself to Boeing.
  
• "comfortable", as quoted from her.
  

JHU: - 2nd in the country biomedical engineering (she is interested in that, along with mech) things like bionics is something she finds really interesting

• able to double major in biomedical and mech engineering
  
• about 89k a year (this is a big part that we're concerned about) - grand total, 5 years, about 500k
  
• she's a bit of a explorer, which i love about her, but... she's pretty impulsive. Therefore, the safety of the area of Baltimore is a bit of a concern as well
  
• she also wants to push her boundaries, to see what it's like living away from home and surviving independently
  
• extensive masters + bachelors program for mech engineering (both at the same time), in 5 years
  

I'm excluding the "we're gonna miss each other" part, but I want her to put her education and her aspirations before me.
From the start, she's liked both schools, as they both seem like really really good opportunities. Oh and also - her parents are willing to contribute about 10k per year to UW, and will probably do slightly more for JHU. Not covering all though, because 89k is a lot. She'd have to take out loans.
At this point, it's really about the cost, and the reward. Is the 89k a year worth it? She's also considered that at UW, she'll make it out of undergrad pretty much debt free, while saving up more during that time. NO financial aid from either school.
She's mostly scared that she's gonna miss out on a huge opportunity. So.. any advice, or has anyone gone through either of the programs?
Also - if this means anything as to what she can do, she got waitlisted at caltech. She didn't really apply to any of the Ivys, because she thought they were out of reach, and JHU was just one that she shot off an application to last second, just for the fun of it. She does regret not applying to other schools now, but that's a different occasion.

My god, I'm so sorry this is going to be long...but I have to get this out and I have no one else to rant to except myself, so here I am...
TL;DR 1: Theyre expensive for no reason, stressful for no reason, and honestly I just think they're not worth the time...
I love my fiancee to death, but all I wanted to do was go to a courthouse, sign some documents and be married to this absolute beautiful soul that has graced my life. Then maybe take a month off and go somewhere special out of state that we've always dreamed of (Greece is a huge one! Lol), take a cruise somewhere with the money we've saved, or pay off some credit card/student debts..Hell, or even put down a down payment for a house we've always wanted/talked about, get a couple dogs/chickens we've wanted and just... bask in our life together.
But here we are spending 20+ thousand dollars and countless hours testing different fake flowers, trying to find outfits for the groomsman that fit the color palette (men's warehouse fucking SUCKS compared to getting exact colors at the womens bridal place!), frustrated, crying, figuring out how we want to set up the table decorations, aisle decorations, figuring out what to give as gifts to an event that we're fully paying for, what music to play, people aren't rsvping in a timely manner, hotels, venues, caterers, music, food, transportation, alcohol, day of planners, hair, makeup, etc, etc, ETCETCETCETCETCETCETCETC..
All for family that we hardly talk to on a regular, that we prob will continue not talk to on regular after all is said and done and alot of which don't even get along so seating arrangements are annoying to do. The next few months honestly can't come soon enough so all this can just be behind us and we can move on with our lives.
I want to be married to her, I want to hold her, I want to take her last name, I want to spend my life with her... I don't want a wedding, I don't want to go thru this wedding planning, I don't want to needlessly throw money away like this for a single night to appease the eyes of others, cause honestly that's all weddings feel like to me.
I'm not a fan of being the center of attention in any situation and just the thought of it makes me anxious having to do so for 6+ hours. Not to mention, our wedding party is spending their own hard earned money to fund our Bachelorette party and I feel AWFUL about it. I love and appreciate our friends for going out of their way but we're all in our early 30s now, life is basically established for everyone, everyone has things to do, jobs to work, some have children to take care of, some are in the army, life is so hard, I feel so bad...
My future wife (♡) is so precious to me, this is something she REALLY wants and dammit ill deliver lol, I never wanted to say no, I just wanted a happy compromise... she's been thru so much and denied so much in life I want to give her this, shes so sweet and caring of myself and others, always puts others before herself, truly a selfless soul...but wow...is this wearing us down...
Like I said, I don't really have anyone to rant this out to, everyone is so happy for us I'd feel horrible tearing this event down complaining to someone... We'll be married a literal day before our 8th anniversary and I can't wait for us to fully and completely call each other 'Wife' :)
TL;DR 2: I just don't like weddings.

Stupid Vinfans are spreading the silly argument that the new EV rules will help Vinfast by eliminating Chinese competitors. They use this silly argument just to pump the stock. They cited the stupid Motley Fools article as the source of news.
Time to debunk Vuong Pham's trick.
1/
There is no Chinese brand in the US. Except the Volvo / Polestar in some way, they are Swedish brand but are majority owned by Geely. Some of the Volvo, Polestar are imported from China will be affected. However, Volvo already has a factory in Ghent, Belgium, and a factory in Charleston, South Carolina. So they already has a solution. Polestar also has a factory in Busan, Korea.
2/
Tesla and Ford both use battery from CATL, the largest EV battery manufacturer. Same as Vinfast. Vinfast use CATL and Gotion battery. Chinese EV battery tariff will increase from 7.5% to 25% and this will affected all. But the other car makers are strong, they can pass the cost to consumers or absorb the cost. In contrast, Vinfast has higher manufacturing cost and this will only further make the US loss bigger.
As analysts at Forbes pointed out, the 100% tariff on Chinese imported cars is a preventive measure, and it does not change the dynamic in the US much as there is virtually no Chinese EV cars there. This is a fact.
In America, Tesla is still king. It is stupid to think Americans will abandon Volvo, Polestar to flock to Vinfast instead. After the new EV rule, Vinfast will incur more loss in the US with increased cost and more price pressure from Tesla.
We in this sub know that the North Carolina factory is a show: Vuong Pham has no money.
Oh, and the stupid conspiracy that the Chinese will funnel to the US through Vinfast is down right lunatic. Vinfast is a Vietnamese car maker, its cars are expensive and are not of lower cost like Chinese EVs, as it does not have the economy of scale of Chinese EVs. Further, Chinese EVs brands are actually stronger than Vinfast, why do they have to stoop lower to the third grade Vinfast?
Forbes article on the matter for more details: Volvo, Polestar And Tesla Take Biggest Hit From China EV Tariffs (forbes.com)
So, here is a post to debunk the silly arguement by Vinfans that the new EV rules help Vinfast. The new rule does not help Vinfast a single bit and is actually worse for Vinfast.
Vinfast is an EV failure by Vuong Pham, with pricey buggy cars, huge debt, minimal sales. In the US, two law suits are ongoing already and the Pleasanton lawsuit is coming too.
Bankruptcy is inevitable.

My (33F) BF (34M), and I have been together for over 12 years now. I first met him in high school and we were friends for a few years. We lost touch after he graduated, but ended up reconnecting when I was in college. We've been together since.
About 7 years ago, we were at a crossroads. His friend had passed away suddenly in an accident and he proceeded to spiral, he started trying drugs, staying out all night, engaging in very reckless behavior and it truly scared me. I tried everything to pull him out of it. It took a lot of work, and me almost leaving for him to start putting his life back together.
A little backstory. I work for my family's business. I have worked for the family business since I was 18 years old, and honestly, it would be great if I didn't have to work with the same people I see on the holidays. My family can be, in a word, toxic. There is a lot of infighting and drama. Working with them is similar to our personal lives, stressful and chaotic. When my grandmother passed away about 3 years ago, I was willed some liquid assets that had belonged to her and my grandfather (gems, jewelry, precious metals, cash etc) and their house they had had since the 60's. And honestly this was a blessing, with that inheritance I finally felt like I could pull free from my family and get out of the family business and take time to go back to school and do something I was passionate about. However, I had no savings at the time, and wanted to get a decent amount saved before I quit. At this time an opportunity opened up at work, the pay was way higher, but required 4-7 months of travel time a year. I talked it over with my BF and we decided that we only needed 2 years to save up what we needed. I took the job and prepared to leave for 2 months for training at the main branch.
About a month into my training, my BF suddenly quit his job, with no explanation other than "I had to, I can't work there anymore". I was concerned about our financial goals because of this, but he swore up and down that he would get a new one shortly and that he wouldn't need any help with his personal bills. Well a year went by and he had only taken up gig work and temp jobs. I wasn't happy as I was having to travel all the time and was having to be really frugal in order to get all our joint bills paid while also putting money into savings. He was managing to pay his own bills, so I let it slide since he tossed in what he could to the joint pile as well. Now I'm sitting here, about to complete my two years and my BF has decided to come clean to me.
For the past two years, while I have been working a job that has been soul crushing, and has had me away from home for weeks to months at a time. I've missed birthdays, weddings, friends baby showers, etc. I've sacrificed the last 2 years of my life to make enough to be able to live my life the way I want to. And he tells me last week that he has been paying his personal bills by selling the things my grandparents had willed me that I had left in a safe that was hidden in the house. A safe he only had access to because the hunting rifle is in there, and I thought, y'know he wouldn't do that to me.
I'm honestly in shock. It was a substantial amount and it makes me nauseous to even try to quantify it right now. I've already set in motion quitting my job and have given notice. And now I have so much less than I thought I did. He only told me because he had figured a way to pay me back and had gotten a stable job and was planning on using most of his paycheck to give to me until I was made whole. But this, just honestly disgusts me. I feel so violated. More than that, I wonder if this his go to pattern now. Life is stressful, a lot of change is happening, and he just self destructs?
After what he put me through 7 years ago, I don't know if I can look past this. Yes, he came clean to me, but I just can't seem to get past this feeling. I look at him and just feel nothing right now. It's breaking my heart because I really care for him, and yet I just can't see anything changing. I feel so conflicted, we have been together so long and even have all the same friends and share a life together. Will we be able to come back from this? Or, is this what falling out of love feels like?
TL;DR! - My BF confessed to me that he used part of my inheritance to pay his personal debts while I was away traveling for work to save up enough money to leave my toxic family. I have a whole life built with him and I am conflicted on what to do, but I feel so empty when I look at him. Is this what falling out of love feels like? Can we come back from it?

I am still not the Original Poster. That is still u/MajorArtist340. She posted in AITAH
Previous BORUs can be found here and here. New Update marked with ****\*
Mood Spoiler: still kind of a bummer but things are moving forward
Original Post: December 21, 2023
For a while now my husband, John, has been getting more and more angry over little things and generally moody and distant. I had finally had enough and approached him about separation.
This conversation led to a big blow out and him revealing the state of his finances. My husband and I have always kept our finances separate. Also although we call each other husband and wife and had a wedding we are not actually legally married. This was primarily for inheritance purposes because we each have older children from previous relationships.
Anyway John revealed that he had basically no savings left. That all the money he had saved for retirement and for his kids schooling was gone. Furthermore he said it was all my fault since he used all his savings up to try and keep up with my lifestyle.
There was never anything crazy in terms of bills or anything like that and we always split it all equally. The house we live in I own outright as well, so there wasn’t a mortgage payment.
However I have always liked to travel a lot on fairly extravagant vacations. I would invite John or John and his children to join on trips, but never made them feel like they had to come. That’s said he was expected to pay for himself and for his kids. Except for recently he accepted every invitation.
I would also give my kids things he considered “extravagant”, but I considered “normal”. So he felt like he had to give similar things to his own kids.
John said with all the spending to keep up his savings dwindled very fast. I expressed that I couldn’t understand how or why he would spend all he had when he knew he couldn’t afford it. He said it was like keeping up with the Joneses only worse because it was at home so he couldn’t block it out. John thinks since I knew his job I should have had a basic understanding of his finances and realizes this wasn’t a lifestyle he could maintain. That the kind thing would have been to offer to pay for the trips and other things instead of dangle them in front of his and his kids faces.
Looking back I probably could have realized that this spending didn’t make sense for his salary, but I wasn’t thinking about it. I don’t think it was my responsibility to keep his finances in mind here. We had agreed from the beginning to keep our finances separate so to me that means paying for things separately.
Edit. We do not live in a state with common law marriage
Relevant Comments:
Why not get married? You know you can make children beneficiaries in wills, right?
"Here spouses are included in inheritance even if they’re omitted from wills and I plan on leaving everything to my kids."
Ages:
"I’m 44. He’s 53. We don’t have any children together."
So you didn't discuss trips you could afford together??
"We did discuss the trips and I asked for input about where to stay what we would do, but he never gave any or had any suggestions. I always assumed he just didn’t like planning things. I would have likely still gone on the trips if he didn’t want to."
So if he said no would you just go on the trip on your own?
"I would have likely still gone one the trip. That’s said I would have been open to less expensive trips had he brought it up."
"Except for the past two trips he never declined. I didn’t go alone though. I went on one with some friends and the other with my daughter."
This comment exchange:
Commenter: ESH- John should have ended your marriage way earlier. He can't keep with your lifestyle and would horrible and Very unfair to subject his children in a life where half of the family goes on fancy vacations regurlaly and the other stay home. He should have been honest way earlier before his savings drained and ended the marriage. You should have more awareness of your partner's struggled. How do you share a life with someone and don't realize this things?
OOP: He paid for things without any hint that he was struggling. I assume his attitude change was when things started to get really bad and I did ask what was wrong, but he would just say things were fine or say he was upset about some little thing like the dishes not being put away.
Before you were together, how often were you taking trips with your kids?
"I’ve always done about the same amount of trips every year. Usually two with my kids.
His kids mostly live with their mom and mine will split time between me and their dad pretty equally. My eldest is in college now though."
And this exchange:
Commenter: I have a burning question. Did you ever ask him why he was acting that way before you decided it was time for separation. Because from the outside you come off as the female stereotype that men don't have emotions so there's no need to check
OOP: I did. He would always say it was fine or I would ask what’s wrong and he would get mad about the dishes not being put away or some other little thing.
If you enjoy having him with you maybe you could pay for him to go?
"If things were better I might consider it, but at this point I’m really not enjoying being around him anymore. I’m going to use this break to take some time to reevaluate things."
It sounds like you don't love him at all. Why were you with him? Were you really together or just roommates with benefits? Why wouldn't you leave him anything in the will? How do you split daily life?
"With how things are now it’s hard to talk in present tense. I loved him.
For me it just feels like it would be wrong for my money and assets to go to anyone other than my kids given. For him well I don’t really need any inheritance, so it just makes the most sense for it to have gone to his children.
For restaurants we’ve always just taken turns paying."
There is no consensus bot on AITAH. The top comment was NTA, but there were quite a few ESH and info votes because the situation seemed weird
Update Post: January 8, 2024 (18 days later)
After reading all the comments on my first post I realized I needed more time to think about things. I also thought with the situation how it was it would be best that we spend the holidays apart to avoid and controversy. He wasn't a fan of the idea, but I eventually got him to agree to go.
Last week things settled down so we met up to have a more detailed discussion about the state of his finances. A few more things were revealed. I found out that he had lost his job earlier this year and didn't tell me. He got a new job in October, but he went over 4 months without one while pretending he still had one. During that time he only got a small amount of money from unemployment, so he started putting everything on his credit cards. His new job doesn't pay as much as his old one so he hasn't been able to pay more than the minimum towards his debts which are now substantial.
I feel like if he had just brought up all these issues earlier this could have been avoided or we could have worked something out. Now I really just feel like I can't trust him. I can't trust him with money and I can't trust him not to hide things from me. I just can't see going back and trying to make things work him at this point. Since he doesn't have a place to take all their things I've agreed to store their stuff in my garage until he gets more settled. Which means I won't be able to make as clean of a break as I would like right now, but for the most part it's over.
Update Post 2: February 24, 2024 (1.5 months later)
For anyone who hasn’t read my previous posts there’s two of them exposing what happened under my username.
I liked the suggestion I was given when last posted of paying for a storage unit for their things for a few months. My ex however did not agree to it. He said it would make things too difficult because the closest storage location was too far out of the way. It definitely felt like he was still trying to cling to things.
Since I couldn’t get a storage unit in his name without his approval I talked to a friend, who is a lawyer, about the situation. He helped me right up a notice that told him that he had 30 days notice to get their things or they will be disposed of. After 30 days notice was up he still had only picked up a few things.
I ended up calling his ex and asked her if she or their kids wanted anything before I got rid of it all. Well, they had been left in the complete dark about our relationship being over. My ex had been lying to them saying I was sick and then he was sick with Covid and that’s why they hadn’t been able to come over. I’m was not at all surprised this point. I figured she didn’t know about the rest of it either and told her. She is livid. Especially about the money for their kids education since it was part of their divorce agreement.
Anyway the kids all got what they wanted and I had a charity come and pick up the rest. It feels a lot better now that there is a completely clean break. Yes I have gotten the locks changed and blocked his number. Since there is no reason for me to have contact with him anymore this is probably the last time I’ll be posting.
I think I’m there future I will probably look for more transparency when it comes to financials in any serious future relationships. With how much he was lying I can only imagine what else he may have been lying about. Had I known more I don’t think he would have been able to hide things. I am just so grateful and relieved that I was able protect myself and my children.
Relevant Comments:
One more time because people need clarification on inheritance:
Where I live spouses are included in inheritance even if there’s a will.
How could you not know what he was making if you know what he did for work?
I just never looked into what the average salary for his type of work.
This exchange clearing things up:
Commenter: First post said you both have adult kids, why are their education an issue still and why doesn't anyone contact you directly? Was no one on friendly terms?

I don’t know where you got that. My eldest is an adult, but the others are still under 18.I don’t know what/who you mean by why doesn’t any contact me directly.

Commenter: What I mean is they were told you were sick. These are people that went trips with and none of them texted or called to check on you

I don’t know what to say. It doesn’t seem odd to me. We didn’t usually keep in contact when they were with their mom.

*****Update Post 3: May 8, 2024 (4.5 months from OG post)****\*
I know I said that that would be my last update. It’s not really necessary for me to make another, but now I’m kind of using this as a form of journaling which I’ve found cathartic. The previous posts are all under my username.
I only had one run in with my ex since the last incident. He came to my house. I only spoke to him through the camera. He asked about getting his things. I told him that I had already got rid of everything as I had warned him, but that his kids had taken some things. I also told him he needed to leave and to not come back. Surprisingly he didn’t make a big fuss about it. He just said okay and that he was sorry for bothering me before he left, but he did look very tired so maybe that’s why.
I have not seen him since and apparently his ex and his kids haven’t heard from him in all this time either. This update had more to do with them than my ex actually. His ex contacted me to ask about him. She wanted to know if I had heard from him or had his new contact information. His phone is apparently no longer in service. I told her how I hadn’t had any contact with his since the aforementioned visit.
She also asked if she and I could meet up for coffee and talk. I declined because honestly I couldn’t think of a reason for us to meet up. Though I did offer to pass on any info about him if I heard anything.
She apparently wanted to talk to me about helping her pay for her eldest child’s (who is now a senior in highschool) education next year. She also subtly implied there was some fault on my part for their lacks of funds. I rather cowardly told her I would think about it and ended the call.
To be honest I feel like it’s an unfair position she’s putting me in. The main reason being that her children don’t seem to care for me. We got along alright while I was with their dad. However since I ended things with him it has been complete silence from them. I did try to reach out to them to see if they were okay. They never responded. Even when they came over to get their things they ignored me and my youngest. However I did get a message after the call with their mom about how she missed me. The timing though just makes it seem sort of like manipulation to get money out of me.
Edit. I have since blocked all of them.

Someone recently posted their $BB yolo yesterday, and that piqued my interest again in the stock. Most people remember BB as the dominant cellphone of the 2000s before Steve Jobs and his pancreas released the iPhone. BB phones were practical, resilient, and most importantly secure for a device of that era.
So like a bitch in heat, I passionately purchased calls earlier today. But soon thereafter, buyer's regret took a hold of me after sifting through $BB 10-Ks and old DD. I compared some data between competitors, and soon realized how much of a shitshow this stock currently is.
2021: Bad - No offense to the guys that made $BB DD in the past, but it was all pure speculation, probably so that the highly esteemed ritards of WSB would buy their bags.

• Pros: Very high short interest, nice lemon squeezy; plus tons of business potential with their tech in the EV sectors, IOT, and Cybersecurity.
• Cons: BB had practically no revenue growth; bad financials; an exciting deal with Amazon whittled away to nothing.

2024: Slightly less bad, still not worth buying without chance of short squeeze

• Pros: Less debt, stronger sales and resilience in cybersecurity; sales strategies starting to look promising; meme buzz
• Cons: Flat revenue growth, difficult financials; much less short interest, 8% so no squeeze likely; customer dissatisfaction/stronger competition

Financial: I created a spreadsheet to calculate data pulled manually from 10-Ks to compare past years numbers, but figured this would be too much to add to the post and frankly it's a lot of extra work than needed. I know most of you would just skip over the numbers.
BB been spending tons in R&D in past years, and this has taken chunks of what would be juicy profits. Now in what seems like a move to gain interest from investors, they are making cost cuts to improve financials. This could mean falling behind in tech advantage to larger companies like MSFT.

• Total revenue was up $853mil (2024) vs. $656mil (2023) from last year, but still down from 2020 and 2021
• Net income (money that you take home) was negative 3 out of the 4 last years (due to very high operating expenses)

YEAR	2021	2022	2023	2024
Net income	-$1.1bil	$12mil	-$130mil	-$734mil

• Debt slashed by 45%, and traded for longer term repayment, but with higher interest rates.

Technology: Competition in this sector is ROUGH... tons of different endpoint management and security products out there... including Microsoft, Cisco, and Google. Cybersecurity companies such as CrowdStrike, Palo Alto and IBM, make it difficult for BB to get their foot in the door. Not to mention there's tons of posts from actual IT/Security folk on reddit that have moved away or avoided using Cyclance, BB's security platform.
Why is Cylance doing so poorly Business Wise compared to Crowdstrike, Palo Alto, Microsoft etc. :
Is Cylance I’m still a thing in 2021+? :
Endpoint protection options :
Buzz: Only way in short term that BB price will drive up is if retail buys a fuck ton, and while the cheap price is appealing, the other meme stocks are more attractive.
In conclusion, I regret my financial decision to buy calls and hope this will help others make better decisions than me.

TL;DR: $BB is not worth your money unless you like pain.

tl;tr what is my life (Leaving note at the top of my post cause post is too long lol) Note 1: Didn't expect for the post to be that long. I apologize for any grammatical errors or incoherences, don't have the energy to read proof everything, took me almost 4 hours to write.
Note 2: Before you guys suggest therapy. I do believe in mental health and always wanted to go see a therapist but you hear a lot of horror stories about therapists where I live. Like a friend of mine went to see one at one point and he literally told her "you are too dramatic and you are lying. There is no way you feel the way you say you do". Plus even if I manage to find a good one they are expensive as fuck.
Note 3: Moving out isn't a solution either at the moment cause can't afford it. Plus it is hard to find somewhere to rent as a fairly young bachelor in a conservative country plus if they do rent to young people the apartments are usually falling apart, they over charge and you would end up with like 7 other roommates in a 3 bedrooms apartment.
I don't really know where to start since it is 1 am where I live and I am exhausted. But yeah, basically I think that I might not be a good person? that I might be a bit of an asshole and also a loser? I am not sure.
The situation that I am facing right now is that I am 29, jobless, 5 years into my PhD that i wanted to quit for a while now, live with my mom and aunt (I live in a place when it is normal for someone to live with their parents or family in their 20s or 30s, people usually only move out if they either get married or their job isn't close to where their parents live). I am really unhappy with my life, with how I usually handle things and with how I turned out.
I graduated university at 23, got my first job as a phone repair technician few months after graduating, got pressured into doing a PhD but at the same time I was like "why not?". Wasn't a fan of my job anyway and I haven't heard from the couple of interviews I have been to. I was excited to start doing academic research actually, but as soon as I got accepted things started going downhill. Our lab director passed away before we got assigned out subjects and supervisors, then COVID lock down, my dad passed away from COVID, my supervisor retired and I got assigned a new one that is clueless, they wouldn't let me stay at the dorms during my third year cause "of the volume of new students they received that year" according to them, decided to teach a class during the first semester of last year so I would have to stay close to our lab that entire time. I didn't make much progress. Nowadays I feel burnt out and I stopped trying. When people ask me about my PhD I lie and tell them that I am almost done. I have been to quite a few job interview during the past few years but they never called back. Had some projects in mind that were good business ideas imo but whenever I started I would never go through with them cause of the stress PhD is causing me. Never been good under pressure.
As for my relationships, I will start with my parents. We have had my fair-chair of big and small arguments in my teen and adult years, but I have always had a good relationship with them and I loved them. Now, since my dad passed away my mom, sister and I became really close (or closer than we already were). Then my aunt moved in with us a little while after that (due to some personal stuff), everything was good and well at first but the thing is I live in a conservative country, in a very conservative city and my aunt is super old school and she got an influence over my mom who has become super controlling which caused some friction between us for the past few years but especially during the past year and it has gotten worse during the past couple of days (well I wouldn't put the issue entirely on her cause my mom has always nosy and controlling but she would stop if you talked to her). Now when I say controlling and nosy I mean she is trying to control everything even what I wear, and whenever I am talking to the phone she always comes into my room to know who I am talking to. Sometimes she acts like she is disciplining a 15 yo and not talking to a grown man. I have always given up a small part of my independence since my parents were sheltering me, I have had a couple of friends telling me I shouldn't when we were younger and I was always like "nah, it's fine". Well now that I am trying to get 100% of my independence and autonomy back and receiving a big push back I am starting to understand what they meant.
Now to my friends. Well, I should start by saying that during my teen years I did have friends but I had a lot of difficulties connecting with people or knowing how to react during social situations which also lead to me being bullied quite a lot up until I was around 19/20. During my uni years and early 20s things have gotten better all of a sudden, I was less shy, it was easier to talk to people and to know how to react to different situations, it was easier to make new friend and my relationships with the couple of friends I made during middle school and high school was great. Even my old bullies became respectful and would stop for a chat whenever they saw me. It got me thinking "maybe that's how it is like to turn into an adult" at some point. Now I have made quite a few friends from a couple of groups I hang out with, and I like to think that I am pretty close to most of them or at least was. The thing is that over the years some of them either criticize my quirks or tease me which I always thought was fine, I would either answer them back jokingly, take their criticism seriously and try to work on myself depending on what the quirk is or just ignore them. The problem is that over the year some of my friends have started to either take themselves or their teasing too far. Sometimes it just feels like they are walking over me. Like that one friend who always lectures me "about being a grown ass man" (and in a mean way might I add, he literally screams at me) just because I haven't seen him while outside, because I only drive inside our town (because I am not that good of a driver, I used to get extreme anxiety just being behind a wheel)(he lectured me 3 times during the same day last month and 2 of them was in front of mutual friends) or that one time he berated me about something that I thought so stupid that I made a joke and his literal answer was "shut the fuck up and listen to me when I am talking to you, I am older than you (by 2 months), I have more experience than you (cause he moved abroad) and I know better than you". Or when that group of friends that tried to catfish me at one point (they did a very bad job btw). Or that other friend that does fucked up shit or says hurtful things and his out of jail card is literally "it was just a prank bro". Like whenever I tell him the smoke from his cigarettes his bothering me he literally blows smoke on my face, or that time he threw a lit cigarette butt on me and it ruined my pants, or when we were complaining about or PhDs (he used to be a PhD student) and he told me "you stagnating so you wish for people to go backwards so it would feel like you are making progress" or that time were he told a mutual acquaintance that "I was a simp"(which I am lol) and that "I stuck to girls like glue". And sure enough whenever I stop talking to him his response would be "it was just a joke", or when I loaned him money cause he had money issues few years back he has promised me several times that he would pay me back after he gets paid for jobs he is doing but then when I ask him again he is like "Why didn't you ask me 2 days ago I used it to pay back few debts. You are the only debt I have left.". He has done the same thing over the past few years and given me the exact same answer each time. Until, I told him last year that it was okay if he didn't pay me back cause he had to loan a big amount to pay for his parents' rent .
Now I am not sure the way I respond to those situations is the healthiest. My go to strategy is to just go home and not talk to them for a while. The most recent example is from last weeks. I have a friend that always asks me to download softwares for him, to install them and set them up. Honestly I didn't mind it at first but he does it so often that it has become annoying and it feels like I can't refuse cause he always says "if I am bothering you that is okay", plus whenever he sits next to me while I work on his PC he goes on rants I don't want to hear about. Anyway, he is a PhD student and he asked me to help him with a paper he is working on cause it is overlapping with my field, I didn't mind. Then, he called me the other day and asked if I could meet him immediately, I accepted (to be fair to him he did ask me if I was going to take a lot of time to arrive, I answered with "no" then it did take me 25 minutes more than it should have) and when I called him to tell him I was almost there he answered with "are you kidding me? I don't have time", I just hang up before he could finish his sentence and went back home. Or two voice messages I impulsively sent yesterday cause I was really upset and needed to let my anger out one way or another. The first one was to the "it was just a prank, bro" dude, I lent him some more money few months ago that he promised he would pay back by the end of 2023 and still hasn't. The message went like this "give me back my money or I will kick you in the balls and break your nose" (it sounded cooler in my language lol. And I want to add that he would definitely win in a fight. ). It wasn't about the money I was just tired of him and would get upset every-time I would think about the way he is treating me. Then I followed up with another message calling him a parasite. The second one was to the dude who always berates me. Despite the way he treats he considers me as a best friend, so I have been thinking about sending him a message for the past 2 weeks explaining to him that I didn't like the way he treated me. But because I was angry the message went like this "Go fuck yourself, and fuck your so called advice. You are just trying to enforce some random criteria you have made up on me. Let me give you the same advice you give me, you are a 30 yo man so it would be about time you came back to reality and to close your asshole (which is a rude way of saying you have got a big head in my language). Also shut the fuck up.". Needless to say that he was confused and tried to call me and left me like 2 voice messages that I ignored (cause I wasn't feeling like hearing from anyone) and a screenshot from his note app saying that he was sorry that I felt that way and that he considered me like a good friend and that I was a good guy (I haven't read everything). He probably tried to contact me today, but I can't be sure cause I spent the entire day messing with my phone and installing different ROMS (OS). But yeah, I received an SMS from him few hours ago saying that he was going to press charge for "defamation and mental distress " (I think that is the correct translation), which I thought was ridiculous plus he is not the kind to press charges. But then, he has people in his life that he respects a lot and if they advised him to he would definitely do it. Plus he used the number he uses when he comes to our country to text me, on the other hand the country he is at is close enough that he could just text me from that number. I mean I think it would be ridiculous to press charges for that voice mail lol, but again some stupid law got voted few months ago that if you were caught cussing that could cause you up to 6 months of jail, and I definitely cussed. Oh and he also followed with "we obviously don't deal with conflicts the same way. There is the dirty way then there is the smart way" (Again not sure about the translation so I am using the literal one). When I saw it I was like "there is no way I am not ignoring you now"
If you managed to read the whole thing I thank you, I feel a lot better, I mean it still feels like the earth is about to swallow me whole but I still weirdly feel calm about it lol.

I feel very uneducated on the topic of the military and I want to know if my reasons for wanting to join are valid. I’m on my second semester at a 4 year college and plan to transfer to a 2 year college for financial reasons. (Would military still want me with somewhere between 1000 and 3000 dollars worth of student loan debt? I have enough money for one semester but I don’t know about the second. I’m majoring in biomedical but may change after I transfer.) I thought that if I joined the Navy I’d have a more stable living situation and I would be more capable of handling high stress environments as right now I have a tendency to freeze up in dangerous situations. I like the idea of being independent and feeling CAPABLE and useful.
I like the idea of being part of a group doing activities. (I can swim but not very well) I would be happy if I could do a job that may fallow my interest for science with just a highschool diploma if there are any. I always admired the idea of risking my life to science or the wilderness (like the Netflix series Adventure Beast.) I just don’t know if I’d be able to handle doing so for this country. My army friend said he thinks I’d do well there I just don’t know if he means it?
I’m giving myself a year to figure it out while I exercise and prepare in case I do choose to go talk to a recruiter. (So any exercise advice is useful.) By then I should be done with college or dropped out of college. I also know the military would help pay for college but I don’t know much about that I just know I put in this time and it’d be a shame if it went to waste.

I'm trying to figure out my next financial/career moves and I'm curious for people's thoughts.
The short version of my financial history is that I made some sub-optimal decisions in my 20’s and early 30’s that I'm now paying for. Not uncommon, I suppose. But I've got some things going for me as well.
I'm 38M, married for 4 years, living in a high COL West Coast city. No kids yet. 2 cats. :)
I work remotely and earn about $105k gross per year. I work in a very specialized part of the non-profit sector but I've built a broad skillset around financial analysis, legal strategy, and project management. My wife works as an independent contractor and together our AGI is about $144k.
I own a condo in a rough part of town. It's worth about $350k and I owe about $215k on it at 2.99% interest. I bought it as a fixer upper before we got married and I've put some money into it, so it's in much better condition than it was when I bought it. I've lived here for about 7 years. Mortgage + HOA is about $1900/month.
I owe about $100k in student loans. In return for this I got a bachelor's degree from an okay school and two Master's degrees from a very good school. I'm on the SAVE plan.
I owe about $35k in credit card debt. I'm attacking it aggressively, and the overall amount is down from about $40k in October of last year, when I finally pulled the plug on my credit cards. I've bounced most of it to 0% balance transfer cards. About $15k of it is on a debt management plan at 10% interest. Once my credit score improves a bit, my plan is to transfer the rest of it to a 0% card.
Like a lot of people, I overspent coming out of the pandemic, but I don't really have any regrets about doing some traveling that I'd been putting off for years. At this point I've cut discretionary spending pretty substantially.
No car payment. I own my car outright, and it's in decent condition to last another 3-5 years.
I don't currently have any savings. That, along with retirement funding, is my next goal after tackling cc debt.
Other aspects of my current job: The health insurance benefits are excellent. $0 monthly premiums and $0 deductible, and any out of pocket costs are reimbursed up to $10,000 per participant per year. I also get a traditional defined benefit pension. The net present value (NPV) of this is currently around $300k, and I'm vested, which means I lock in that benefit even after I leave my job. At this point it comes out to around $1200 in current dollars per month after I retire, but it will continue to grow the longer I stay at my current job. I also get a bunch of fringe benefits, like free Internet, free legal services (up to a certain amount per year), an education benefit, and a monthly childcare benefit (which I'm not using). My company doesn’t offer a 401k match.
For what it's worth, I love my job and find it both intellectually stimulating and socially useful.
My wife is dissatisfied with where we live (realistically, I am too) but our monthly mortgage payment is so low that selling would mean either leaving the region entirely, renting a much worse place at the current price point, or doubling our monthly housing costs if we purchase. I've considered renting this place out but I'm not interested in being a traditional landlord in this region, where the current laws mean if you get a deadbeat renter you're just screwed. The HOA prohibits short-term rentals, too, so vacation rentals are out of the question. Ideally, I would like to own a home in a middle-class neighborhood in this region, not the rough neighborhood I currently live in. It's also not a school district I would want to send kids to, although that's still a couple years off. I'm not really interested in moving out of this region to hunt a low COL elsewhere. My dream scenario would be to just earn enough money to buy a house in a middle-class neighborhood here.
So, I'm considering a job change for higher compensation. My degrees are non-technical, so switching to a high-compensation industry like tech wouldn't be an immediate option. I've done some value-add programs like the PMP (Project Management Professional) certification. I'm also using my current employer's education benefit to take accounting classes at the local community college. I'm a few credits away from being able to sit for the CPA exam.
I have side gigs as an academic tutor and PMP instructor. Previously I worked as a part-time data analyst on the side, but that gig ended. I'm aiming to take in around $1000-$2000/month from side gigs.
I'm not currently investing anything into a retirement fund. I sleep at night by reminding myself I have a traditional pension, and I'm throwing all my cash at paying off credit card debt. Once I accomplish that, my plan is to start maxing out my IRA.
Overall it feels like I have an okay financial life, but I'm wondering if I'm missing something to accomplish my goals faster.
Thanks to everyone who read this far. Any advice is appreciated.

Can someone explain the means test if you just started a job? Specifically - I just started a new job that puts me above the means test if you take 'current monthly income'. However, if you look at income for the previous 6 months it is obviously well below (aka zero), as I just started the job.
Also, how about the follow up tests? What constitutes 'business debt'? Can I include the interest on cc for 'business debt'?
How does my LLC file bankruptcy?

I live in a rented accommodation with my family. In UK There are only 2 man in my family me and my brother. So ideally we want 2 houses. My questions is
Can I start going around asking people for money to buy a house? Is this permissible?
To me this seems ok because I won’t be taking a loan/mortgage, so no interest.
My thought process is, there is more than 1 million Muslims in UK. If I just go around asking the Muslims only for £1 each. I would be a millionaire and would be able to afford 2 properties. Even £500k for that matter. Let’s be honest you can never buy a house with a normal job in the UK. I don’t want to get into lifetime debt. And plus, I’m pretty sure just giving £1 wouldn’t hurt their wealth that much. Yes,I’m aware I would need to go to 500k people for £500k.
After that me and my brother don’t mind working and living because we would know there is no more rent for us to pay.
To return to the question: Is this okay?

I used to live in California. Back then I met this girl, Cindy.She is truly amazing. I really liked her but she didnt pay attention to me as much as I would like so I tried everything to get her. After six months of talking, we fell in love and I asked her out on a trip to Carmel. A month later Cindy gets an offer to move to Chicago for a great job opportunity she couldn't pass. At first I was hesitant to continue this relationship but I loved her so much I took her ring shopping because I wanted to marry her. At that time my job was doing very well and I was in a position to settle down.
Long story shot , she moves and I realize how much I love her. So I told her we should elope, and that we did. I moved in with her in Chicago a couple months later and everything was going well. We were truly excited for our future. Three months after moving in together, I lose my job. I'm barely making the minimum to pay rent or afford necessities. My girl she makes about 150K a year, so she was fine. It was the opposite way when we met, so this was shocking. I like being in control.
I couldn't tell her about my situation because I thought I would fix it quickly and truly I was ashamed but months pass by and it just get worse. Shes been supportive,loving and helping me throughout but as a man I need to be able to the provider and be the head of the househould. Not only that I hate Chicago, I have no friends, and I dropped everything to be with her. The weather and food are awful.
At this point when the lease is over, I want to move back to California to be close to my two friends. The sun, the food, the beach, the pretty people. I dont really have a job prospect but I think my old business is picking up again so I might be able to generate some income. I cash out some funds and investments I had to support my move back, but I havent told her. I dont know what to tell her because all I want is my indepence and peace back. I dont know if I love her anymore, Im under too much pressure.
I have debts (100K) and I feel like I cant date her right now. She payed for her own stuff and helped me financialy when I couldnt make it.
She was a little messy but she also worked a lot of hours and we couldnt afford a maid as often. We did have two bathrooms and two diffrent closet spaces. I still just want my own space back and my solitude and the quiet. I think I dissapointed her and made her sad.
I thought I was ready for marriage but I'm not? AITAH for moving in two weeks to regain my independence?? Shes really devastaded but my mental health is a priority for me.

Context: Last year we had our second child in July, and my wife had a medical emergency a week later that ultimately put me out of work for 6 weeks, and her for quite a while. Thankfully, she is pretty much back to normal and currently looking for gainful employment (she’s been working part time as a tutor for $20 an hour while recovering). I feel like we could buckle down and tackle the debt, but I just don’t know if we will. I have no idea if she will get a decent job, go back to teaching and barely break even with daycare and gas, or be a sahm. And so here I am, looking for an easy way out of this debt.
Debt: Currently I have about $35k across 10 credit cards, with minimum monthly payments around $1500. My mortgage is $1180 a month, with 3.25% interest rate (30 yr, 2 years in). I have a car payment of $550 a month, 2 years left on it ($13k) and insurance runs $285 for two cars. Daycare for two kids is $1300 a month. Internet is $110, utilities ~$150, gas and groceries $750, and I’m probably forgetting some but clearly my wife’s either going to go back work, or take the kids out of daycare. Total: $5,825
Income: I just got bumped up from $65k a year to $74k. So my take home should go from just over $4k a month to $4600 next month, after all deductions including 401k and HSA contributions. My wife stands to earn in the $30-35k range, hopefully more. But I’m not trying to put too much pressure on her given our current life situation.
Scenario: So if I’m able to refinance and take advantage of the likely ~$60k in equity in my house, should I? I’m hearing my new rate would be 6.5-7% and my payment close to 1800, after talking to a broker with my current lender. They said 6-6.5 and payment around 1700 IF I am approved, but I take that with a shaker of salt.

Nothing scandalous here, I just need to vent. I'm less than two months away from turning 30. I've never been in a relationship. I've never had sex. I've never seen a girl naked in person, been seen naked, felt up a girl, slept in a bed with a girl, or even cuddled. I did kiss a girl, but it was just a couple quick kisses on the lips. Hell, my first kiss was also when my last date was, over eight and half years ago. I feel like a failure, a weirdo, an outsider.
I know not everyone is out there having sex in high school, or hooking up in college. But I wanted to have those cliche experiences. Instead I just let my anxiety control me. I stay in my comfort zone and now it feels too late to get out. I know I'm still young, but after four years of therapy I don't feel I'm much different.
Sure, my therapist will say I've made dramatic improvements. I moved out of my parents house, I'm on meds, I got convinced to get on dating apps. I have a decent paying job, I'm reliable and always there, no student loan debt, no car debt, I have a 401k, I have friends, I'm smart, friendly, funny, and just in general a good person. But I still have low self-esteem and confidence. I built some up over the first two some years of therapy, I started to think I'd had a chance with women. I mean, I can actually have conversations without making it sexual and I'm respectful.
That's why my therapist was finally able to talk me into using dating apps. After a year I've had zero dates. In real life I still can't approach strangers in general so forget approaching a cute girl and trying to flirt or as her out. Hell, I don't even know where the hell people go to meet people. And now that I'm living on my own I'm lonely all the time. I come home to nobody. I eat dinner alone. I go to bed alone and wake up alone. And what's worse, I'm tired.
Just... tired. I work manual labor so I get home tired. I relax and I'm still tired. I tried exercising, still tired. I'm just tired of being tired. And I don't have the motivation to change anything not that I even know what to do to change. It's like I'm suffocating but I don't know how to get air, and if I did I don't have the energy to get it. I'm so tired I came the closest I'd been to suicide since high school. Probably the only reason I'm still here is I don't want to burden somebody else with the mess. Rope, gun, pills; somebody will find me and somebody will have to clean it up. Train, car, bridge; somebody will be traumatized and have to clean it up. I can't inconvenience somebody like that. I'm not sure if that means I'm thoughtful or so low on myself that I'm not worth the hassle.
So if this is how I feel after years of therapy, how many years until Im good enough to be in a healthy relationship? How will I even handle a relationship? How bad will I be at sex? How off put will women be by a 30+ year old guy who has never been in a relationship, dated, had sex, or even got to first base? How bad will I be living with somebody else? How long until I learn how to date or flirt or kiss? How long until I feel like I can really live?
I'm just torn. I want to live life. But I don't know how. There's things I want to do. But I'm too tired and too caught up in my own thoughts and anxiety.
So I turned to reddit. I met some wonderful people, they told me I'm cute, I'm kind, good at writing and conversing, that I'm a catch. A couple of them even talked about meeting and maybe seeing how we vibe and maybe having sex. Of course then they stop talking suddenly and I'm left to start over again. Finding someone you can just easily track to is so hard. Finding someone to talk to who isn't trying to sell you something is fucking hard and exhausting. And then you find them, put in energy and effort into cultivating that friendship, you see it start to blossom, and then one morning you come out and find out a deer ate the friendship down to the roots overnight. Now all you have left is a pot of dirt with what was something that made you smile. Something you looked forward to seeing.
I'm just tired of being tired. I'm tired of wanting to have a woman want me, desire me, want to hold and comfort me, wanting someone to choose to spend their time with me. I'm tired of wanting to have someone I can spoil, I can put my skills towards making happy, who I can hold and comfort and support. I'm tired of wanting to feel someone's embrace, their head on my chest and their arms around me, a simple kiss, moments of lust and passion, a simple touch on the arm or their fingers weaving with mine. I'm tired of not knowing what I want or what to do or what will make me happy. Im tired of not even being sad, just feeling tired.
I just don't know what to do, what to change, how to change. I wish I could just give up and live alone, happy to play video games and be alone. I always remember a quote from a TV show:
"The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to being happy isn't the search for meaning; it's just to keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead." - Mr. Peanutbutter