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2024.05.06 07:31 ThrowRA134123 AITAH for wanting my engagement ring back after my girlfriend behaved disrespectul for the second time?
Hi all,
I am currently at a loss on what to do with my relationship and could use some outside perspective. The issue at hand came up the first time about 3 years ago. People involved are yours truly me (30), my fiance/girlfriend GF(32), two of my closest friends Ben (30) and Bob (29) and tiny bit Bens Wife Laura (27). For context: we all live in Germany so our culture is a bit different from the typically USA-standards we have here.
About 3 years ago at my birthday me and a group of friends including my girlfriend, Ben and Bob went to an event that is basically about taking a hike and drinking wine while you do that. Its just a short hike (15-20 km over the span of 6-8 hrs) and not really steep or in the wildernes so a lot of people do it. Its kind of a community event. Ben, Bob and me have been friends for ages. Ben can be a bit of a difficult character sometimes - a bit of a douche/dick - and that is especially noticeable when he gets drunk. Its not the end of the world but it can be a bit annoying - however we learned to live with it. Also Laura rarely joins in social siutations like this because she is a very introvert person and if she is there she needs to keep her husband Ben in check.
As the hike and the time progresses my GF stops spending time with me and talking to me and starts exclusively hanging around Ben. Thats not really out of the ordinary since she moved to our city not long ago and had trouble finding new friends but Ben and Bob and Laura have been her new social circle since we always hang out together. I was a bit frustrated since the two of them were always walking upfront and separating from the group to chat but it wasnt that obvious at the moment and I had a good time. It got quite more annoying when Ben fell into his dick-mood after drinking more and my GF just running after him when he started running around doing random things. I tried to get my GF to stop enabling his behaviour but she basically ignored it and went along the lines: "But Ben wants this so we do this." To be able to continue walking along the path Bob then had to get Ben to move his ass in a straight line which made them continue walking because as soon as he was moving forward my GF obviously followed. At this point another friend made a remark that really stung "I see she is really enjoying spending time with Ben". I noticed that the whole day, on my birthday she had been talking to me for maybe 20 min before heading off to talk to Ben only interrupted by stopping by from time to time to say that she loves me and then heading off with him again.
The next day I talked to her about this and told her that I thought her behaviour was very weird and asked why she preferred hanging out with Ben at my birthday instead of me since they always headed off together ahead leaving everyone else behind. We talked about it and she acknowledged that it might have been too much. I made the point that in a relationship its either me coming first for my partner or I do not need this relationship and I did not want to have to talk about something like this another time. This was the one and only conversation about it.
Cue yesterday:
A social event of hiking and drinking wine comes along and its me, my GF, Ben and Bob going together with Ben and Lauras daughter in a stroller. I was very stressed the last few weeks and Ben organized everything. I had no clue about the plans since they would pick me up. My GF was at a different social gathering and had planned to join us somewhere on the way to the hike. She asked me where and when we could meet and I instructed her which train we would take so she could hop in the same train. She asked me if there were any options of going to another station to which I responded that I have no idea because I did not plan it and I can only tell her which train to take. She was already at the station where we would pass through with the train but decided that would be too complicated and she wanted to go ahead asking again about different stations and trains. After me telling her for the third time that I could not help her with that since I do neither know the area nor where exactly we are going she got pissed at me and hang up. To be safe I texted her the exact train number and arrival time at the station where she was. When she got into the train I greeted her with a "Happy you managed to get the train" to which she just responded with a "No thanks to you", went past me and started talking to Ben.
We started the hike and my GF had been talking exclusively to Ben the whole time so far in the train and on the bus ride. When we started to hike I soon fell behind because I am still recovering from a major injury so I cant walk that fast and need to concentrate on my steps. GF and Ben just went on a head with the stroller, Bob noticed and slowed down to keep me company. During the 8 hrs we spent hiking and sitting down to drink wine she talked to me for maybe 30 min at the second spot we sat down. Otherwise she was talking to Ben. When we left the second spot she needed to use the toilet and asked me to hold her backpack which I did. Ben and Bob decided they did not want to wait for her and get more wine a bit further up and went ahead. I stayed and waited. When she came out I told her the other did not want to wait and went ahead a few meters to get another wine. We walked to them and as soon as we are there Ben goes: "Ah we wanted to wait but OP told us you dont want anything so we went ahead without you" and immediatley my GF is like "Well OP then you can get me sth now as an apology". I declined and was already getting pissed because so far she barely talked to me and now Ben says sth and then thats the truth?
We continued on the tour and we all got a bit more drunk. And then it started to get more uncomfortable. Ben is a really extrovert person when it comes to women. When he gets more drunk that is amplified so he starts flirting if his wife is not there. If she is there she will keep him in check. Yesterday he started flirting with my GF to which I thought she would shut it down since talked about this before. But she didnt - she enjoyed it which encouraged him. I am not his wife nor his mother so its not my place to tell him what he can or can not do especially if the other adult in the equations is enjoying herself. What really bothers me is that my GF did not shut it down. I know he would have never dared to behave like that if his wife would have been around - that would have resulted in him staying on the couch for a while. But for some reason my GF thought his behaviour was appropiate. They were talking together and he was putting his hand on her hips, her back or around her waist and she was leaning and against him. I did not want to start a scene in public so I decided to keep quiet and think about what I wanted to do.
The final straw was when towards the end of the hike I needed to stop at a toilet for a leak and Ben and my GF just continued walking away instead of waiting. Only Bob stayed, held my stuff and then continued on with me so we could catch up again.
When we were home an hour later I told her I wanted the engagement ring back because at the moment I can not see myself married to her. I told her I would not have that conversation a second time and now I would need to explain to her a second time that her behavious makes me feel like she is more invested in Ben than in me. She started crying and freaking out and refused to give it back.
I dont know where to go from here. Am I overreacting? Am I justified for not wanting to only be talked to for 30 min during an 8 hrs hike and not feeling comfortable with her not shutting down the drunken flirting of Ben?
For added clarification since I would place a lot of money that at least one person will suggest it: no they are not having an affair. It is logistically impossible for them to do so without either Bens wife or me knowing. Why am I not mad at Ben? Because I know he is just replaying old behavior patterns, which is in itself harmless because he would not dare to go any further. He does it with all the GF in the friends group if he is not shut down. Everyone shut him down except my GF.
submitted by ThrowRA134123 to AITAH [link] [comments]
I am currently at a loss on what to do with my relationship and could use some outside perspective. The issue at hand came up the first time about 3 years ago. People involved are yours truly me (30), my fiance/girlfriend GF(32), two of my closest friends Ben (30) and Bob (29) and tiny bit Bens Wife Laura (27). For context: we all live in Germany so our culture is a bit different from the typically USA-standards we have here.
About 3 years ago at my birthday me and a group of friends including my girlfriend, Ben and Bob went to an event that is basically about taking a hike and drinking wine while you do that. Its just a short hike (15-20 km over the span of 6-8 hrs) and not really steep or in the wildernes so a lot of people do it. Its kind of a community event. Ben, Bob and me have been friends for ages. Ben can be a bit of a difficult character sometimes - a bit of a douche/dick - and that is especially noticeable when he gets drunk. Its not the end of the world but it can be a bit annoying - however we learned to live with it. Also Laura rarely joins in social siutations like this because she is a very introvert person and if she is there she needs to keep her husband Ben in check.
As the hike and the time progresses my GF stops spending time with me and talking to me and starts exclusively hanging around Ben. Thats not really out of the ordinary since she moved to our city not long ago and had trouble finding new friends but Ben and Bob and Laura have been her new social circle since we always hang out together. I was a bit frustrated since the two of them were always walking upfront and separating from the group to chat but it wasnt that obvious at the moment and I had a good time. It got quite more annoying when Ben fell into his dick-mood after drinking more and my GF just running after him when he started running around doing random things. I tried to get my GF to stop enabling his behaviour but she basically ignored it and went along the lines: "But Ben wants this so we do this." To be able to continue walking along the path Bob then had to get Ben to move his ass in a straight line which made them continue walking because as soon as he was moving forward my GF obviously followed. At this point another friend made a remark that really stung "I see she is really enjoying spending time with Ben". I noticed that the whole day, on my birthday she had been talking to me for maybe 20 min before heading off to talk to Ben only interrupted by stopping by from time to time to say that she loves me and then heading off with him again.
The next day I talked to her about this and told her that I thought her behaviour was very weird and asked why she preferred hanging out with Ben at my birthday instead of me since they always headed off together ahead leaving everyone else behind. We talked about it and she acknowledged that it might have been too much. I made the point that in a relationship its either me coming first for my partner or I do not need this relationship and I did not want to have to talk about something like this another time. This was the one and only conversation about it.
Cue yesterday:
A social event of hiking and drinking wine comes along and its me, my GF, Ben and Bob going together with Ben and Lauras daughter in a stroller. I was very stressed the last few weeks and Ben organized everything. I had no clue about the plans since they would pick me up. My GF was at a different social gathering and had planned to join us somewhere on the way to the hike. She asked me where and when we could meet and I instructed her which train we would take so she could hop in the same train. She asked me if there were any options of going to another station to which I responded that I have no idea because I did not plan it and I can only tell her which train to take. She was already at the station where we would pass through with the train but decided that would be too complicated and she wanted to go ahead asking again about different stations and trains. After me telling her for the third time that I could not help her with that since I do neither know the area nor where exactly we are going she got pissed at me and hang up. To be safe I texted her the exact train number and arrival time at the station where she was. When she got into the train I greeted her with a "Happy you managed to get the train" to which she just responded with a "No thanks to you", went past me and started talking to Ben.
We started the hike and my GF had been talking exclusively to Ben the whole time so far in the train and on the bus ride. When we started to hike I soon fell behind because I am still recovering from a major injury so I cant walk that fast and need to concentrate on my steps. GF and Ben just went on a head with the stroller, Bob noticed and slowed down to keep me company. During the 8 hrs we spent hiking and sitting down to drink wine she talked to me for maybe 30 min at the second spot we sat down. Otherwise she was talking to Ben. When we left the second spot she needed to use the toilet and asked me to hold her backpack which I did. Ben and Bob decided they did not want to wait for her and get more wine a bit further up and went ahead. I stayed and waited. When she came out I told her the other did not want to wait and went ahead a few meters to get another wine. We walked to them and as soon as we are there Ben goes: "Ah we wanted to wait but OP told us you dont want anything so we went ahead without you" and immediatley my GF is like "Well OP then you can get me sth now as an apology". I declined and was already getting pissed because so far she barely talked to me and now Ben says sth and then thats the truth?
We continued on the tour and we all got a bit more drunk. And then it started to get more uncomfortable. Ben is a really extrovert person when it comes to women. When he gets more drunk that is amplified so he starts flirting if his wife is not there. If she is there she will keep him in check. Yesterday he started flirting with my GF to which I thought she would shut it down since talked about this before. But she didnt - she enjoyed it which encouraged him. I am not his wife nor his mother so its not my place to tell him what he can or can not do especially if the other adult in the equations is enjoying herself. What really bothers me is that my GF did not shut it down. I know he would have never dared to behave like that if his wife would have been around - that would have resulted in him staying on the couch for a while. But for some reason my GF thought his behaviour was appropiate. They were talking together and he was putting his hand on her hips, her back or around her waist and she was leaning and against him. I did not want to start a scene in public so I decided to keep quiet and think about what I wanted to do.
The final straw was when towards the end of the hike I needed to stop at a toilet for a leak and Ben and my GF just continued walking away instead of waiting. Only Bob stayed, held my stuff and then continued on with me so we could catch up again.
When we were home an hour later I told her I wanted the engagement ring back because at the moment I can not see myself married to her. I told her I would not have that conversation a second time and now I would need to explain to her a second time that her behavious makes me feel like she is more invested in Ben than in me. She started crying and freaking out and refused to give it back.
I dont know where to go from here. Am I overreacting? Am I justified for not wanting to only be talked to for 30 min during an 8 hrs hike and not feeling comfortable with her not shutting down the drunken flirting of Ben?
For added clarification since I would place a lot of money that at least one person will suggest it: no they are not having an affair. It is logistically impossible for them to do so without either Bens wife or me knowing. Why am I not mad at Ben? Because I know he is just replaying old behavior patterns, which is in itself harmless because he would not dare to go any further. He does it with all the GF in the friends group if he is not shut down. Everyone shut him down except my GF.
2024.05.06 07:29 eddy2022 Fearful Avoidant or commitment phobic?
So I began casually dating this girl from college in Nov 2022. I had to move away for an year to different country. We kept on talking like a couple for a month and then she suddenly changed. I heard from mutual friends that she started dating casually some other guy. I was bit shocked by sudden change but it was fine as we were in a situationship only. However we kept contact and she used to share memes regularly on IG.
Fast forward to Sep 2023, she came to the same country as me for student exchange. We met, and it felt natural. We then travelled across many countries together as a couple. However she mentioned it to me that she doesnt feel ready for relationship and is not fully healed. Her ex was toxic and the recent ex was also cheating on her with other girl which made her lose trust and she feels she should heal first to find something meaningful before jumping onto new relationship. However since we were in middle of trip, I didnt think much of it as she was fully into me.
1.5 months later when we both are back in our home country, she told me that she has these thoughts in her mind that she doesnt provide enough for me while I do so much for her. She said she doesnt feel ready for relationship even though she likes me a lot but doesnt want to drag me because of her shortcomings. We decided to give it a break and became friends.
1 month later we both met again in college, this time again we hooked up and now we started dating again. However this time it was more emotional bonding. She did a lot for me, even was there for me for my birthday and made a lovely handmade present.
We both were supposed to move to same city post our college and when we had this conversation about future , she told she wanted to give it a shot once we are together in the same city. I was happy as I really liked her and was attached to her. However 2-3 weeks post college she suddenly started getting distant and then a week later she broke off telling me she cant do it, she tried but it doesnt feel good to her gut and she doesnt wanna force it. It felt very abrupt as we were talking normally just a few days back. However this time she was very cold, she didnt provide any explanation. She didnt even bother to call and provide closure. Not only that she also blocked me on Whastapp. It all felt so disrespectful as it was completely opposite of how she was. She suddenly became this cold hearted person, not answering to my texts, blocking. Finally she unblocked me few days back and told me that she cant continue this and being friends wont do any good as well. She said she doesnt deserve me, never had and just wanted space to process things. She want to go NC and doesn't think being friends will do any good.
I am deeply hurt as I have never bonded like this with another person. It feels so weird to not talk to her but the way she ended things is what hurting me the most.
I want to know if this is fearful avoidant trait or she is just commitment phobic and she just dont like me
submitted by eddy2022 to ghosting [link] [comments]
Fast forward to Sep 2023, she came to the same country as me for student exchange. We met, and it felt natural. We then travelled across many countries together as a couple. However she mentioned it to me that she doesnt feel ready for relationship and is not fully healed. Her ex was toxic and the recent ex was also cheating on her with other girl which made her lose trust and she feels she should heal first to find something meaningful before jumping onto new relationship. However since we were in middle of trip, I didnt think much of it as she was fully into me.
1.5 months later when we both are back in our home country, she told me that she has these thoughts in her mind that she doesnt provide enough for me while I do so much for her. She said she doesnt feel ready for relationship even though she likes me a lot but doesnt want to drag me because of her shortcomings. We decided to give it a break and became friends.
1 month later we both met again in college, this time again we hooked up and now we started dating again. However this time it was more emotional bonding. She did a lot for me, even was there for me for my birthday and made a lovely handmade present.
We both were supposed to move to same city post our college and when we had this conversation about future , she told she wanted to give it a shot once we are together in the same city. I was happy as I really liked her and was attached to her. However 2-3 weeks post college she suddenly started getting distant and then a week later she broke off telling me she cant do it, she tried but it doesnt feel good to her gut and she doesnt wanna force it. It felt very abrupt as we were talking normally just a few days back. However this time she was very cold, she didnt provide any explanation. She didnt even bother to call and provide closure. Not only that she also blocked me on Whastapp. It all felt so disrespectful as it was completely opposite of how she was. She suddenly became this cold hearted person, not answering to my texts, blocking. Finally she unblocked me few days back and told me that she cant continue this and being friends wont do any good as well. She said she doesnt deserve me, never had and just wanted space to process things. She want to go NC and doesn't think being friends will do any good.
I am deeply hurt as I have never bonded like this with another person. It feels so weird to not talk to her but the way she ended things is what hurting me the most.
I want to know if this is fearful avoidant trait or she is just commitment phobic and she just dont like me
2024.05.06 07:24 TorrentPrincess I fucked up my entire life and all of my friends hate me
I dated my friends ex, after they broke up months after. She has a new partner and everything and when I told her she reacted terribly and she turned all of my friends against me and they all hate me. They all blocked me and I lost everyone in my life.
I shouldn't have done it. I was trying to be as good as I could, I wasn't waiting but I thought she had moved on and maybe it would be okay but she got everyone I know to block me. I'm drunk. I don't want to live anymore. This weekend was my birthday . I hate my fucking life and I want to die. She moved on. I wanted to feel happy.
She hates me. Everyone hates me. 10 years of therapy and none of it worked. Medication don't work and I want to kill myself I hate living.
Nothing has ever gotten better and I'm 29. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. Everything is terrible, I tried to talk to her and she told me that I was selfish and I was disingenuous. I fell for someone even though they broke up with my friend and they made a mistake months ago and now I'm losing every single person in my life. I hate myself. I am completely ostracized.
submitted by TorrentPrincess to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]
I shouldn't have done it. I was trying to be as good as I could, I wasn't waiting but I thought she had moved on and maybe it would be okay but she got everyone I know to block me. I'm drunk. I don't want to live anymore. This weekend was my birthday . I hate my fucking life and I want to die. She moved on. I wanted to feel happy.
She hates me. Everyone hates me. 10 years of therapy and none of it worked. Medication don't work and I want to kill myself I hate living.
Nothing has ever gotten better and I'm 29. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. Everything is terrible, I tried to talk to her and she told me that I was selfish and I was disingenuous. I fell for someone even though they broke up with my friend and they made a mistake months ago and now I'm losing every single person in my life. I hate myself. I am completely ostracized.
2024.05.06 07:18 sheepsheep33 AITAH for cutting a friend off for being toxic and choosing to remain friend with her ex
I know this story sounds dumb and childish but I just want to know if I'm in the wrong. I'm from an Asian country, our culture and lifestyle could be different so keep that in mind. Also we were all friends before these two started dating. We didn't befriend her boyfriend rather two of our friends got in a relationship. We were all good friends.
I used to be friends with this girl in highschool, let's call her Niki, Niki and I were pretty close. We joined the same uni and continued to be friends. Due to COVID restrictions, we had online classes in the beginning and were mostly communicating through text. But after a while the communication lessened and we just stopped talking. Nothing went down between us, we just drifted apart. Then after 2 years, uni started taking offline lectures and I met her again at a seminar in the beginning of the semester, we chatted a bit and decided to attend lectures together. I love keeping things to myself and hardly had any friends before which affected my mental health badly during COVID, that's when I promised myself to make good friends in college. On the other hand Niki is very much an extrovert and loves making friends. She introduced me to her friends group (group A) and we hit it off right away. Everyone grew closer and we started hanging out after lectures. Alongside this we also had another friend(Max) from highschool, in a different major, who started hanging out with us. Max, niki and Ron (Max's friend) used to hangout in uni during online lectures. And after college officials started taking offline lectures we all started hanging out together. Max, Niki, Ron and I grew closer as our other friends started doing different things and got busy. Niki and I were from the same major and had a few lectures together whereas Max and Ron had every lecture together.
They also had their own separate friends group (group B). Niki had a huge problem with group B and I never understood why. She had never talked to them personally but didn't like them just because they were not as open and welcoming as we were. She always used to bitch about them to me and I used to listen to her. Niki started hanging out with Max and Ron even when they were with their other friends (grp B) and this used to bother their friends(grp B). They asked Max and Ron to stop having Niki over when their friends group spent time together. This made Niki MAD. She was very angry and very bitchy about this. She stopped hanging out with Max and Ron when their other friends (grp B) were near and made sure to make a point in front of them that their hangout time was over and now it's her hangout time. This kept on happening and there was a weird tension going on between the two friends group (A and B). Max slowly started drifting apart from us and Ron got in a very awkward position. There was kind of a cold war going on between Niki and this other girl (Max and Ron 's friend) which caused Ron problems. He had to listen to that girl's rant from one side and to Niki's tantrums from the other. This went on for a while, now only Ron Niki and I were together and sometimes our friends(group A) used to join us. We also used to text a lot in the group chat (group A + Ron ) with our friends so even though we met less we still were good friends. Ron also grew closer with them and we all used to hangout wherever possible.
One day Niki and Ron told us they were seeing each other for a while and had started dating a week ago. This got me excited, I was very happy for my friends as this was their very 1st relationship and two of my best friends were together, this felt great. But everything went downhill from there. Just a few days later, we had a college organized party (kind of like prom) and everyone was excited for this. The fest was held for 5 days of which the last 2 days were kind of important. So on the 2nd last day Ron's friends (group B) decided that after the fest they'll go out for lunch and spend time together, this got Niki pissed off. Like she was ANGRY. She wanted to spend time with Ron but as he'll be joining his friends for lunch and they had already once told them they don't want Niki with them (above mentioned) she was not happy. She made a huge fuss about this before the day arrived and even on the day she kind of ruined it for everyone involved. On that day she was angry and moody, not talking to anyone properly and treating Ron very horribly. She wanted Ron to be with her before lunch but his friends wanted him to be with them for a while to click pictures. Ron was kinda stuck between two groups and was very confused and overwhelmed. He was with his friends for a little while and Niki started crying, when he did join Niki to spend time with her and click pictures, she brushed him off and told him to go back to his friends and be with them only, in a very pissed off tone. She was not ready to listen and was behaving very dismissively towards Ron. He was left standing like a fool beside her while she was off clicking pictures with her friends( not our friends group) and ignoring him. This pissed me off as she was behaving so horribly towards him when he just wanted to be with all of his friends equally. She was the one who started a drama about him not being with her in the 1st place and when he did come she was ignoring him. I told her to at least talk to him and sort things out or at least acknowledge his presence but she went off on me asking me to stay out of this as it was their problem. She also said that this was the reason she didn't want to make their relationship public as I was picking sides and supporting him. She said if I were not to be friends with her boyfriend I would have sided with her and supported her, which is not true, even if I didn't know her boyfriend I would have called her out because she was outright behaving horribly. This ruined the whole day for us, she was crying at times and then joining her other friends for pictures, being moody and all in all killed the vibes. Oh and Ron left after a lot of pestering her, to be with his friends for lunch.
Last day of the fest was good. Ron and Niki had a conversation after lunch and I don't know what was said but she told us that as he was with his other friends the day before he will be with her all day today. And she was with him the whole day, even when he was dancing with his friends (group B) she was with him and after that we (group A+ ron) went to lunch and the day got over. But this incident left a mark on their relationship. Ron felt very overwhelmed after everything went down and he started questioning their relationship. He felt whatever that was going on was not healthy for him and asked for a breakup and this caused another big drama. There were a lot of arguments, crying but they ended their relationship. Ron told Niki, this was becoming too much for him and he wants to focus on himself and his studies. Niki was hurt, a lot. She was very sad about the breakup. But we were all there for her. Niki and Ron still remained friends. I used to tell her that it's okay for a relationship to end, if it was meant to be, you guys could be together in the future. She always replied that her breakup meant breakup and she didn't want to harbor that hope of one day. Which was good, but thinking about it now I feel like she never really believed her own words and somewhere or the other she had a little hope for the future. Niki and Ron were friends even after the breakup and sometimes they used to behave like they still are in a relationship. I used to think that maybe in the future they would really end up together but unknown to me there was a lot going on behind the scenes. Niki and Ron used to have a lot of arguments and they had a huge communication problem. Niki loves to overthink all night and come to a conclusion on her own and then she sends Ron big paragraphs of her overthinking blaming Ron for stuff or something along those lines. Ron on the other hand is a little clueless towards the worldly affairs, Niki hopes that Ron would understand her even without communicating her thoughts whereas Ron is never able to pick up on hints. Which again caused a lot of fights. Group B also started to have problems of their own and niki was very happy about it. The one girl with whom niki had beef turned out to be a fake friend who loves to put friends against each other. Seeing her chance, Niki went ahead and made friends with the other people of the group. This felt so weird to me as she hated each one of them before and suddenly was being best friends with them. She went as far as inviting herself into group B’s trip. While on the trip she ended up having a huge fight with Ron about something stupid, which in turn ruined their trip. Even after that they kept on having arguments about various topics and then finally they stopped talking even as friends. Whenever Ron said something in our group chat she used to ignore his message or reply sarcastically and in a very taunting way. All of our friends were very tolerating of her as we felt she was going through heartbreak and will be fine eventually. They broke up in December and stopped being friends around May, at this time Ron got on a dating app and after a month started talking to a girl. Niki was still in heartbreak, she was still saying stuff sarcastically, posting random things about a boy breaking her heart on her story and like. Ron had removed her from his socials but she still used to post such stories which we all ignored. Ron officially started dating this girl after a few months and only I knew about this. After Niki’s incident, Ron and I grew closer as friends and he used to tell me about thighs related to niki and now about the new girl. Ron wanted to share this happy news with our friends, niki was also in the groupchat, so with her too. He didn't want her to find out from outside and make it seem like he was hiding something, he wanted to be lowkey in his relationship but wanted to let our friends know. So he told the group chat and even though niki didn't say this outright we knew she was hurt and we were understanding of her. The group chat kinda died after that. We then had two separate group chats, one with niki and other with ron.
Even before Niki and Ron got together we were very good friends with Ron so we couldn't stop being his friend. Niki made it clear she didn't want to be in the same space as Ron and we all adhered to it. She continued posting stories about how a man broke her heart and how she had suffered. Then one day we decided to hangout with Ron and I asked him to share his side of the story with our friends as they only knew niki’s side. We had a good chat and came to know how our other friends were being ignored by Niki. Niki has new friends now and she ignores two of our friends in uni. Everyone started to feel a little weird about niki and started to keep our distance. Niki always told Ron that we were only her friends (not true) and to stay away from us. She believed that no matter what happens, we'll stand by her and not him. For us, both of them are our friends, we wanted to be with both of them and not choose sides. She started putting up stories about how her friends are no longer her friends and how she didn't have good friends. ( she has 100’s of friends). Few days ago we were planning to hangout. We wanted to celebrate Ron’s birthday and of course we can't have niki with us. And most importantly everyone is tired of her. There are many small things that kept on happening which have put us off about her and the kind of stories she has on her instagram about friends makes us feel weird. We are completely okay if she wants to cut things off but she likes to pretend in front of others how she is putting efforts in keeping the relationship while also putting up such stories. We don't want to play pretend, i want to confront her but my other friends ask me not to. To let niki come and state her problem but i know that she’ll never do that. She likes to overthink on her own and come to the conclusion of her liking. Last straw for me was when she had a story about ending friendship with people who support people who have hurt you. Right after putting this story up she came into the common group chat with some other friends to ask what time we will be meeting for a hangout. This pissed me off so bad. If she wants to end things she can do so and keep quiet. Why does she need to pretend that she wants to meet us? We went without telling her the time, either way it was for ron’s bday, we also met his new girlfriend . She's a nice girl and Ron looks happy and stress-free with her. Niki saw the pictures and of course she felt bad, we were already prepared for this. She left all the group chats we had apart from the common one in which she asked for time and also removed each one of us from her private instagram. I’ll be honest, I wanted closure, I wanted to talk and end things peacefully. I would not have been her friend after this but I also don't like to hurt people and make them feel left out. I knew she was feeling left out between us. And I also know she’s probably telling everyone her side story and making us the villain just like how I’m ranting here and making her seem like the villain. I don't feel bad for her but I also want to keep my sanity. She could be a lot at times. She does get very toxic even though she thinks she's not. And also she can be very negative which affects my mental health and i also starts to speak negatively but that's a me problem. She wanted us to choose her but we chose Ron because we knew he was not in the wrong. We would have loved to be friends with both of them but she likes to ignore us and then pretend to be the bigger person in front of others. She says she has no problem with us being friends with Ron but all her other behavior shows she believed we'd choose her and ditch Ron. Now when things are not going according to her she's pissed. Which is understandable but I just want to know if we did something wrong.
submitted by sheepsheep33 to AITAH [link] [comments]
I used to be friends with this girl in highschool, let's call her Niki, Niki and I were pretty close. We joined the same uni and continued to be friends. Due to COVID restrictions, we had online classes in the beginning and were mostly communicating through text. But after a while the communication lessened and we just stopped talking. Nothing went down between us, we just drifted apart. Then after 2 years, uni started taking offline lectures and I met her again at a seminar in the beginning of the semester, we chatted a bit and decided to attend lectures together. I love keeping things to myself and hardly had any friends before which affected my mental health badly during COVID, that's when I promised myself to make good friends in college. On the other hand Niki is very much an extrovert and loves making friends. She introduced me to her friends group (group A) and we hit it off right away. Everyone grew closer and we started hanging out after lectures. Alongside this we also had another friend(Max) from highschool, in a different major, who started hanging out with us. Max, niki and Ron (Max's friend) used to hangout in uni during online lectures. And after college officials started taking offline lectures we all started hanging out together. Max, Niki, Ron and I grew closer as our other friends started doing different things and got busy. Niki and I were from the same major and had a few lectures together whereas Max and Ron had every lecture together.
They also had their own separate friends group (group B). Niki had a huge problem with group B and I never understood why. She had never talked to them personally but didn't like them just because they were not as open and welcoming as we were. She always used to bitch about them to me and I used to listen to her. Niki started hanging out with Max and Ron even when they were with their other friends (grp B) and this used to bother their friends(grp B). They asked Max and Ron to stop having Niki over when their friends group spent time together. This made Niki MAD. She was very angry and very bitchy about this. She stopped hanging out with Max and Ron when their other friends (grp B) were near and made sure to make a point in front of them that their hangout time was over and now it's her hangout time. This kept on happening and there was a weird tension going on between the two friends group (A and B). Max slowly started drifting apart from us and Ron got in a very awkward position. There was kind of a cold war going on between Niki and this other girl (Max and Ron 's friend) which caused Ron problems. He had to listen to that girl's rant from one side and to Niki's tantrums from the other. This went on for a while, now only Ron Niki and I were together and sometimes our friends(group A) used to join us. We also used to text a lot in the group chat (group A + Ron ) with our friends so even though we met less we still were good friends. Ron also grew closer with them and we all used to hangout wherever possible.
One day Niki and Ron told us they were seeing each other for a while and had started dating a week ago. This got me excited, I was very happy for my friends as this was their very 1st relationship and two of my best friends were together, this felt great. But everything went downhill from there. Just a few days later, we had a college organized party (kind of like prom) and everyone was excited for this. The fest was held for 5 days of which the last 2 days were kind of important. So on the 2nd last day Ron's friends (group B) decided that after the fest they'll go out for lunch and spend time together, this got Niki pissed off. Like she was ANGRY. She wanted to spend time with Ron but as he'll be joining his friends for lunch and they had already once told them they don't want Niki with them (above mentioned) she was not happy. She made a huge fuss about this before the day arrived and even on the day she kind of ruined it for everyone involved. On that day she was angry and moody, not talking to anyone properly and treating Ron very horribly. She wanted Ron to be with her before lunch but his friends wanted him to be with them for a while to click pictures. Ron was kinda stuck between two groups and was very confused and overwhelmed. He was with his friends for a little while and Niki started crying, when he did join Niki to spend time with her and click pictures, she brushed him off and told him to go back to his friends and be with them only, in a very pissed off tone. She was not ready to listen and was behaving very dismissively towards Ron. He was left standing like a fool beside her while she was off clicking pictures with her friends( not our friends group) and ignoring him. This pissed me off as she was behaving so horribly towards him when he just wanted to be with all of his friends equally. She was the one who started a drama about him not being with her in the 1st place and when he did come she was ignoring him. I told her to at least talk to him and sort things out or at least acknowledge his presence but she went off on me asking me to stay out of this as it was their problem. She also said that this was the reason she didn't want to make their relationship public as I was picking sides and supporting him. She said if I were not to be friends with her boyfriend I would have sided with her and supported her, which is not true, even if I didn't know her boyfriend I would have called her out because she was outright behaving horribly. This ruined the whole day for us, she was crying at times and then joining her other friends for pictures, being moody and all in all killed the vibes. Oh and Ron left after a lot of pestering her, to be with his friends for lunch.
Last day of the fest was good. Ron and Niki had a conversation after lunch and I don't know what was said but she told us that as he was with his other friends the day before he will be with her all day today. And she was with him the whole day, even when he was dancing with his friends (group B) she was with him and after that we (group A+ ron) went to lunch and the day got over. But this incident left a mark on their relationship. Ron felt very overwhelmed after everything went down and he started questioning their relationship. He felt whatever that was going on was not healthy for him and asked for a breakup and this caused another big drama. There were a lot of arguments, crying but they ended their relationship. Ron told Niki, this was becoming too much for him and he wants to focus on himself and his studies. Niki was hurt, a lot. She was very sad about the breakup. But we were all there for her. Niki and Ron still remained friends. I used to tell her that it's okay for a relationship to end, if it was meant to be, you guys could be together in the future. She always replied that her breakup meant breakup and she didn't want to harbor that hope of one day. Which was good, but thinking about it now I feel like she never really believed her own words and somewhere or the other she had a little hope for the future. Niki and Ron were friends even after the breakup and sometimes they used to behave like they still are in a relationship. I used to think that maybe in the future they would really end up together but unknown to me there was a lot going on behind the scenes. Niki and Ron used to have a lot of arguments and they had a huge communication problem. Niki loves to overthink all night and come to a conclusion on her own and then she sends Ron big paragraphs of her overthinking blaming Ron for stuff or something along those lines. Ron on the other hand is a little clueless towards the worldly affairs, Niki hopes that Ron would understand her even without communicating her thoughts whereas Ron is never able to pick up on hints. Which again caused a lot of fights. Group B also started to have problems of their own and niki was very happy about it. The one girl with whom niki had beef turned out to be a fake friend who loves to put friends against each other. Seeing her chance, Niki went ahead and made friends with the other people of the group. This felt so weird to me as she hated each one of them before and suddenly was being best friends with them. She went as far as inviting herself into group B’s trip. While on the trip she ended up having a huge fight with Ron about something stupid, which in turn ruined their trip. Even after that they kept on having arguments about various topics and then finally they stopped talking even as friends. Whenever Ron said something in our group chat she used to ignore his message or reply sarcastically and in a very taunting way. All of our friends were very tolerating of her as we felt she was going through heartbreak and will be fine eventually. They broke up in December and stopped being friends around May, at this time Ron got on a dating app and after a month started talking to a girl. Niki was still in heartbreak, she was still saying stuff sarcastically, posting random things about a boy breaking her heart on her story and like. Ron had removed her from his socials but she still used to post such stories which we all ignored. Ron officially started dating this girl after a few months and only I knew about this. After Niki’s incident, Ron and I grew closer as friends and he used to tell me about thighs related to niki and now about the new girl. Ron wanted to share this happy news with our friends, niki was also in the groupchat, so with her too. He didn't want her to find out from outside and make it seem like he was hiding something, he wanted to be lowkey in his relationship but wanted to let our friends know. So he told the group chat and even though niki didn't say this outright we knew she was hurt and we were understanding of her. The group chat kinda died after that. We then had two separate group chats, one with niki and other with ron.
Even before Niki and Ron got together we were very good friends with Ron so we couldn't stop being his friend. Niki made it clear she didn't want to be in the same space as Ron and we all adhered to it. She continued posting stories about how a man broke her heart and how she had suffered. Then one day we decided to hangout with Ron and I asked him to share his side of the story with our friends as they only knew niki’s side. We had a good chat and came to know how our other friends were being ignored by Niki. Niki has new friends now and she ignores two of our friends in uni. Everyone started to feel a little weird about niki and started to keep our distance. Niki always told Ron that we were only her friends (not true) and to stay away from us. She believed that no matter what happens, we'll stand by her and not him. For us, both of them are our friends, we wanted to be with both of them and not choose sides. She started putting up stories about how her friends are no longer her friends and how she didn't have good friends. ( she has 100’s of friends). Few days ago we were planning to hangout. We wanted to celebrate Ron’s birthday and of course we can't have niki with us. And most importantly everyone is tired of her. There are many small things that kept on happening which have put us off about her and the kind of stories she has on her instagram about friends makes us feel weird. We are completely okay if she wants to cut things off but she likes to pretend in front of others how she is putting efforts in keeping the relationship while also putting up such stories. We don't want to play pretend, i want to confront her but my other friends ask me not to. To let niki come and state her problem but i know that she’ll never do that. She likes to overthink on her own and come to the conclusion of her liking. Last straw for me was when she had a story about ending friendship with people who support people who have hurt you. Right after putting this story up she came into the common group chat with some other friends to ask what time we will be meeting for a hangout. This pissed me off so bad. If she wants to end things she can do so and keep quiet. Why does she need to pretend that she wants to meet us? We went without telling her the time, either way it was for ron’s bday, we also met his new girlfriend . She's a nice girl and Ron looks happy and stress-free with her. Niki saw the pictures and of course she felt bad, we were already prepared for this. She left all the group chats we had apart from the common one in which she asked for time and also removed each one of us from her private instagram. I’ll be honest, I wanted closure, I wanted to talk and end things peacefully. I would not have been her friend after this but I also don't like to hurt people and make them feel left out. I knew she was feeling left out between us. And I also know she’s probably telling everyone her side story and making us the villain just like how I’m ranting here and making her seem like the villain. I don't feel bad for her but I also want to keep my sanity. She could be a lot at times. She does get very toxic even though she thinks she's not. And also she can be very negative which affects my mental health and i also starts to speak negatively but that's a me problem. She wanted us to choose her but we chose Ron because we knew he was not in the wrong. We would have loved to be friends with both of them but she likes to ignore us and then pretend to be the bigger person in front of others. She says she has no problem with us being friends with Ron but all her other behavior shows she believed we'd choose her and ditch Ron. Now when things are not going according to her she's pissed. Which is understandable but I just want to know if we did something wrong.
2024.05.06 07:18 PrestigiousSpot7634 Girlfriend 25F of four years struggles to be committed to me 40F
Not sure where to start but I met my girlfriend when she was going through a very rough time about four years ago. She was involved with bad friends etc.
I helped her heal (through a lot of love kindness and acceptance) to a point now where she is mostly stable. But it was three very hard years of being cheated on, dealing with toxic friends and being on and off. A lot of trauma but I always knew and saw how amazing she is. I’ve always tried to see the best in people and I really saw a lot of good in her — very talented, creative and caring.
However I am left deeply insecure and wounded. She’s been amazing at reassuring me since she stabilised which was when she was diagnosed with bipolar about a year and a half ago — meds helped tremendously. I really feel that she is amazing. Kind, creative and loving. She has cut off her old toxic friends and made our home beautiful. We have a dog we love and many things in our favour. She’s worked at building up trust and has been reassuring me.
However despite us living together now for almost two years and mostly being stable — she has a gambling addiction and very toxic parents who affect our relationship significantly.
Her parents are very closed minded people who are not happy. They criticise my partner all the time. For example they came down for her birthday weekend and I arranged a surprise dinner for her. They didn’t bother to buy her a gift and contribute to the bill. Further no matter how accommodating I am to them when we part ways with them my partner starts seeing all the faults with me and our relationship and wants to leave me. There is an age gap of 15 years and I own and run a very busy business. She’s been amazing in her help and advice but is also very much inconsistent. As a creative she gets bored easily. Recently she’s been criticizing how much I work and how she wants to be more free. That I’m too serious and am a control freak. Also she’s depressed with our relationship that is why she has put on weight…
This was once again after a visit from her mother. She even suggested I find someone older as she is better at “flings”. A week ago all was ok? As a background her mother and father have a very unhappy relationship. Her father is verbally and physically abusive. The mother is a gambling addict too and I feel that she is jealous of her life with me. They are very critical of her and despite this she is very defensive of them and is quick to defend them.
I want to know does one stay with someone after investing so much time with them? I’m at the point now where I feel hopeless. Tldr: my girlfriend of 4 years is still unsure about me.
submitted by PrestigiousSpot7634 to relationships [link] [comments]
I helped her heal (through a lot of love kindness and acceptance) to a point now where she is mostly stable. But it was three very hard years of being cheated on, dealing with toxic friends and being on and off. A lot of trauma but I always knew and saw how amazing she is. I’ve always tried to see the best in people and I really saw a lot of good in her — very talented, creative and caring.
However I am left deeply insecure and wounded. She’s been amazing at reassuring me since she stabilised which was when she was diagnosed with bipolar about a year and a half ago — meds helped tremendously. I really feel that she is amazing. Kind, creative and loving. She has cut off her old toxic friends and made our home beautiful. We have a dog we love and many things in our favour. She’s worked at building up trust and has been reassuring me.
However despite us living together now for almost two years and mostly being stable — she has a gambling addiction and very toxic parents who affect our relationship significantly.
Her parents are very closed minded people who are not happy. They criticise my partner all the time. For example they came down for her birthday weekend and I arranged a surprise dinner for her. They didn’t bother to buy her a gift and contribute to the bill. Further no matter how accommodating I am to them when we part ways with them my partner starts seeing all the faults with me and our relationship and wants to leave me. There is an age gap of 15 years and I own and run a very busy business. She’s been amazing in her help and advice but is also very much inconsistent. As a creative she gets bored easily. Recently she’s been criticizing how much I work and how she wants to be more free. That I’m too serious and am a control freak. Also she’s depressed with our relationship that is why she has put on weight…
This was once again after a visit from her mother. She even suggested I find someone older as she is better at “flings”. A week ago all was ok? As a background her mother and father have a very unhappy relationship. Her father is verbally and physically abusive. The mother is a gambling addict too and I feel that she is jealous of her life with me. They are very critical of her and despite this she is very defensive of them and is quick to defend them.
I want to know does one stay with someone after investing so much time with them? I’m at the point now where I feel hopeless. Tldr: my girlfriend of 4 years is still unsure about me.
2024.05.06 07:17 Antique_Collar3858 Dad, please help me figure out what’s happening in my relationship with my fiancé, I’m so lost and need an adult
I don’t know what to do. I need an adult with life experience to please help me figure out wtf is wrong with me and my relationship. I’m sorry in advance about how horribly this post is written; I’m extremely emotional rn. This is a throwaway account.
My fiancé (24M) and I (23F) have been together for over 6 years now, engaged since February ‘23. We’re high school sweethearts since my junior and his senior year. The past year has been incredibly turbulent and testing to our relationship.
I’d say our issues started when he was sharing his confused feelings with me towards a coworker in his project group at school. We had gone out to lunch and he told me that he really liked this coworker and didn’t know what to make of his feelings towards her. He said that he found her very attractive and said that he wasn’t sure if he just really liked her company or if he was having romantic feelings towards her. He even went as far as saying that he could imagine them watching a movie, cuddling, and kissing if she was into that. I couldn’t eat my food after hearing this. I was a sobbing mess. The perfect image I had of him shattered right in front of me in the span of 30 minutes. For me, physical cheating is bad but not nearly as bad as emotional cheating, and this… this was the ultimate betrayal. He tried to reassure me that he wasn’t sure about his feelings and was just trying to make sense of them by talking to me about them, but I was broken by the fact that having other romantic interests with anyone outside of our relationship was even possible or remotely okay in his mind.
That was the beginning of months of torture. He said he didn’t expect my reaction to be as volatile as it was. He said he didn’t feel comfortable being emotionally vulnerable with me anymore in fear that I’d blow up on him. He spent more and more time around this coworker and less and less time around me. I started to become extremely aware of all of his flaws and almost everything he did became unbearably annoying. Our weekly date nights (which he never cared much about before and rarely happened) completely went away and were replaced by “Wine Nights” with this coworker. I was invited, but I never felt comfortable (not because of her, because of our relationship problems surrounding her).
The discomfort became incredibly taxing and I eventually gave my fiancé an ultimatum: her or me. I didn’t want to, but he clearly was prioritizing their relationship over ours, and I had enough of it. He was making little to no effort to fix what happened or show that what he said at that lunch wasn’t what he meant. His response to the ultimatum was to sob. He said I was being unfair and he’d feel obligated to choose our relationship but he’d feel isolated and depressed without his friendship with her. Needless to say, he didn’t cut ties with her. I kept making compromises to cater to him and his desires.
After months of turmoil, we decided to go into couples therapy. There have been good weeks and bad weeks. At some point, I started to think we were healing and getting back on the right track, and I like to believe that we really were.
For some context, because we were each others’ firsts, we talked about experimenting with others to learn more about ourselves. About 3 years into our relationship, we started sexting with swingers and actually met up with two couples and had fun. Everything we did was together in that respect. I’ve always known I was bisexual, but as of recently, my fiancé found out that he was pansexual so he suggested we have separate experiences with other people to explore more about ourselves. I was fine with that because I felt like I couldn’t keep up with his sex drive and didn’t want him to live in the dark not knowing how he identified.
It started out with online PMs and video chats with other people, and then he asked if I’d be comfortable with him meeting up with people. I said that I was fine with it but it would have to be mutual as I’d like to explore as well. He said he would only be comfortable if I explore with women exclusively. He later changed it to being okay with doing anything other than vaginal penetration with men and he’d be more comfortable with male experiences if it was in front of him. Because of this, I asked him to not vaginally penetrate any of his partners, and he took offense to that, saying he felt like I placed that restriction to retaliate. I placed that restriction because I want him to work out why it makes him uncomfortable for me and a guy to go all the way and why he doesn’t feel like it applies to him. He begrudgingly agreed.
He’s now had 2 in-person partners and I’ve had none. We’ve talked about boundaries in therapy towards this and he’s seemed happy to oblige and happy with this newfound sexual freedom, and I was happy for him. Until he broke two of our boundaries. One of our boundaries is to keep our things ours. This means our bed, our clothes, and our items. We didn’t specifically list everything, but I thought this was a pretty self explanatory list and told him to check with me if he wasn’t sure if something applied. While I was out at a friend’s house, he had a fwb come over (which I knew about). I later found out that he used my sex toys on him. I was enraged and felt betrayed about this and he tried to defend himself by saying “oh I didn’t know” and “well they’re OUR toys, not just yours”. I didn’t know what to say afterwards and just left the room.
The other boundary he broke is going to our fwbs about our relationship problems. We very clearly stated that that was out of line in therapy. And what does he do? He goes to his fwb with some of our problems. This specific one really messed with me because it was about him and his drinking habits and I had been begging him for months to cut down or stop drinking completely because I got physically injured due to it. He always brushed me off and called me controlling. But guess what? After talking to his fwb about a disturbing event that occurred while he was drinking heavily that almost cost him his friendship with the same coworker friend from earlier, he decided he was going to stop drinking. To me, this clearly was so disrespectful and extremely telling that I just was not as high of a priority to him as I thought I was. It also doesn’t help that they’re constantly texting or that my fiancé keeps bringing up how this fwb makes him happy (coincidentally in ways that I don’t).
Last night, my fiancé got together a bunch of my friends and held a belated surprise birthday party for me and I loved it. One of those people however was one of his fwbs. This fwb is really sweet and I didn’t mind his presence at all. What I did mind though, it that when I got up to go to bed, instead of following me, my fiancé opted to stay with him and they had sex while I took care of myself in my room. It just felt like a slap in the face.
And now I come here to you. I need an experienced adult to talk to. A mom. A dad. Someone to please help me figure out if I really am being disrespected or if I’m being overbearing. Am I being too harsh? Am I falling out of love? Does he love me or is he just with me because of sunk cost fallacy? He has diagnosed ADHD and is medicated, I have C-PTSD and am medicated if that helps with anything.
TLDR; multiple boundaries have been crossed in my relationship with my fiancé, and idk if our relationship is salvageable or if I’m completely blowing things out of proportion.
submitted by Antique_Collar3858 to DadForAMinute [link] [comments]
My fiancé (24M) and I (23F) have been together for over 6 years now, engaged since February ‘23. We’re high school sweethearts since my junior and his senior year. The past year has been incredibly turbulent and testing to our relationship.
I’d say our issues started when he was sharing his confused feelings with me towards a coworker in his project group at school. We had gone out to lunch and he told me that he really liked this coworker and didn’t know what to make of his feelings towards her. He said that he found her very attractive and said that he wasn’t sure if he just really liked her company or if he was having romantic feelings towards her. He even went as far as saying that he could imagine them watching a movie, cuddling, and kissing if she was into that. I couldn’t eat my food after hearing this. I was a sobbing mess. The perfect image I had of him shattered right in front of me in the span of 30 minutes. For me, physical cheating is bad but not nearly as bad as emotional cheating, and this… this was the ultimate betrayal. He tried to reassure me that he wasn’t sure about his feelings and was just trying to make sense of them by talking to me about them, but I was broken by the fact that having other romantic interests with anyone outside of our relationship was even possible or remotely okay in his mind.
That was the beginning of months of torture. He said he didn’t expect my reaction to be as volatile as it was. He said he didn’t feel comfortable being emotionally vulnerable with me anymore in fear that I’d blow up on him. He spent more and more time around this coworker and less and less time around me. I started to become extremely aware of all of his flaws and almost everything he did became unbearably annoying. Our weekly date nights (which he never cared much about before and rarely happened) completely went away and were replaced by “Wine Nights” with this coworker. I was invited, but I never felt comfortable (not because of her, because of our relationship problems surrounding her).
The discomfort became incredibly taxing and I eventually gave my fiancé an ultimatum: her or me. I didn’t want to, but he clearly was prioritizing their relationship over ours, and I had enough of it. He was making little to no effort to fix what happened or show that what he said at that lunch wasn’t what he meant. His response to the ultimatum was to sob. He said I was being unfair and he’d feel obligated to choose our relationship but he’d feel isolated and depressed without his friendship with her. Needless to say, he didn’t cut ties with her. I kept making compromises to cater to him and his desires.
After months of turmoil, we decided to go into couples therapy. There have been good weeks and bad weeks. At some point, I started to think we were healing and getting back on the right track, and I like to believe that we really were.
For some context, because we were each others’ firsts, we talked about experimenting with others to learn more about ourselves. About 3 years into our relationship, we started sexting with swingers and actually met up with two couples and had fun. Everything we did was together in that respect. I’ve always known I was bisexual, but as of recently, my fiancé found out that he was pansexual so he suggested we have separate experiences with other people to explore more about ourselves. I was fine with that because I felt like I couldn’t keep up with his sex drive and didn’t want him to live in the dark not knowing how he identified.
It started out with online PMs and video chats with other people, and then he asked if I’d be comfortable with him meeting up with people. I said that I was fine with it but it would have to be mutual as I’d like to explore as well. He said he would only be comfortable if I explore with women exclusively. He later changed it to being okay with doing anything other than vaginal penetration with men and he’d be more comfortable with male experiences if it was in front of him. Because of this, I asked him to not vaginally penetrate any of his partners, and he took offense to that, saying he felt like I placed that restriction to retaliate. I placed that restriction because I want him to work out why it makes him uncomfortable for me and a guy to go all the way and why he doesn’t feel like it applies to him. He begrudgingly agreed.
He’s now had 2 in-person partners and I’ve had none. We’ve talked about boundaries in therapy towards this and he’s seemed happy to oblige and happy with this newfound sexual freedom, and I was happy for him. Until he broke two of our boundaries. One of our boundaries is to keep our things ours. This means our bed, our clothes, and our items. We didn’t specifically list everything, but I thought this was a pretty self explanatory list and told him to check with me if he wasn’t sure if something applied. While I was out at a friend’s house, he had a fwb come over (which I knew about). I later found out that he used my sex toys on him. I was enraged and felt betrayed about this and he tried to defend himself by saying “oh I didn’t know” and “well they’re OUR toys, not just yours”. I didn’t know what to say afterwards and just left the room.
The other boundary he broke is going to our fwbs about our relationship problems. We very clearly stated that that was out of line in therapy. And what does he do? He goes to his fwb with some of our problems. This specific one really messed with me because it was about him and his drinking habits and I had been begging him for months to cut down or stop drinking completely because I got physically injured due to it. He always brushed me off and called me controlling. But guess what? After talking to his fwb about a disturbing event that occurred while he was drinking heavily that almost cost him his friendship with the same coworker friend from earlier, he decided he was going to stop drinking. To me, this clearly was so disrespectful and extremely telling that I just was not as high of a priority to him as I thought I was. It also doesn’t help that they’re constantly texting or that my fiancé keeps bringing up how this fwb makes him happy (coincidentally in ways that I don’t).
Last night, my fiancé got together a bunch of my friends and held a belated surprise birthday party for me and I loved it. One of those people however was one of his fwbs. This fwb is really sweet and I didn’t mind his presence at all. What I did mind though, it that when I got up to go to bed, instead of following me, my fiancé opted to stay with him and they had sex while I took care of myself in my room. It just felt like a slap in the face.
And now I come here to you. I need an experienced adult to talk to. A mom. A dad. Someone to please help me figure out if I really am being disrespected or if I’m being overbearing. Am I being too harsh? Am I falling out of love? Does he love me or is he just with me because of sunk cost fallacy? He has diagnosed ADHD and is medicated, I have C-PTSD and am medicated if that helps with anything.
TLDR; multiple boundaries have been crossed in my relationship with my fiancé, and idk if our relationship is salvageable or if I’m completely blowing things out of proportion.
2024.05.06 07:14 bignoseenergy How to make my family and home happier
I'm 23F, I have a younger brother (15M) who's still in school and lives at home with my parents while I live in a different city.
Recently, my mom lost my grandma (lost grandpa 6 years ago) after a months-long spell of deteriorating health and quite a lot of family drama, and while she has always been a mentally strong person, she is emotionally reactive and has been battling depression and severe mood swings along with her job which has been really hectic and stressful in the past year. My dad is supportive and good at heart, but dealing with his own stress at work etc, so him and mom's fights have increased tenfold - it's like they cannot have a conversation without snapping. I live away from home and also not totally happy in my job, my brother is not focusing on his school work as much as he should - added stressors.
To put it briefly, my family is only the usual amount of dysfunctional, my childhood as well as my brother's has been nice and we are fairly financially stable as well. Mom and dad have had a history of fights over a few contentious issues, but lately it has started to feel like there's like a black cloud over our family. I can't remember the last time we sat together and laughed.
The issue with my dad's side of the family (and tbh my dad too) is that they have terrible EQ and no empathy. The little taunts and ignorance here and there has built up over the years and they just don't realise it no matter how much someone explains. My dad also has this terrible habit of bringing logic into emotional fights and never accepting that he might be wrong. Couple that with my mom being super reactive and being so vulnerable right now - it's a typical anxious and avoidant attachment scenario and I have no idea how to fix it. My mom has 2 brothers who are just useless, especially emotionally - they are more concerned with stupid inheritance issues.
So it's just all fucked up right now and I am feeling kinda helpless. Makes me want to leave everything and come back home but that's not necessarily a solution.
Some more context and constraints - we're an Indian family so that comes with a resistant attitude towards things like therapy, divorce etc. I am looking for therapy options but it's extremely difficult to find a good one here.
Seeking advice on what to do or just some empathy / reassurance from someone who has been through this so I can find a way out without letting my anxiety of all this get the best of me. TIA ❤️
TL;DR - Mom lost grandma this year and dad is supportive but emotionally unavailable at times, causing constant fighting at home - feels like there is a black cloud over our family of 4 and home - I live away from home and don't know how to make everyone happy again.
submitted by bignoseenergy to family [link] [comments]
Recently, my mom lost my grandma (lost grandpa 6 years ago) after a months-long spell of deteriorating health and quite a lot of family drama, and while she has always been a mentally strong person, she is emotionally reactive and has been battling depression and severe mood swings along with her job which has been really hectic and stressful in the past year. My dad is supportive and good at heart, but dealing with his own stress at work etc, so him and mom's fights have increased tenfold - it's like they cannot have a conversation without snapping. I live away from home and also not totally happy in my job, my brother is not focusing on his school work as much as he should - added stressors.
To put it briefly, my family is only the usual amount of dysfunctional, my childhood as well as my brother's has been nice and we are fairly financially stable as well. Mom and dad have had a history of fights over a few contentious issues, but lately it has started to feel like there's like a black cloud over our family. I can't remember the last time we sat together and laughed.
The issue with my dad's side of the family (and tbh my dad too) is that they have terrible EQ and no empathy. The little taunts and ignorance here and there has built up over the years and they just don't realise it no matter how much someone explains. My dad also has this terrible habit of bringing logic into emotional fights and never accepting that he might be wrong. Couple that with my mom being super reactive and being so vulnerable right now - it's a typical anxious and avoidant attachment scenario and I have no idea how to fix it. My mom has 2 brothers who are just useless, especially emotionally - they are more concerned with stupid inheritance issues.
So it's just all fucked up right now and I am feeling kinda helpless. Makes me want to leave everything and come back home but that's not necessarily a solution.
Some more context and constraints - we're an Indian family so that comes with a resistant attitude towards things like therapy, divorce etc. I am looking for therapy options but it's extremely difficult to find a good one here.
Seeking advice on what to do or just some empathy / reassurance from someone who has been through this so I can find a way out without letting my anxiety of all this get the best of me. TIA ❤️
TL;DR - Mom lost grandma this year and dad is supportive but emotionally unavailable at times, causing constant fighting at home - feels like there is a black cloud over our family of 4 and home - I live away from home and don't know how to make everyone happy again.
2024.05.06 07:14 Antique_Collar3858 What’s happening with my (F23) 6 year relationship with my fiancé (M24)?
I don’t know what to do. I need an adult with life experience to please help me figure out wtf is wrong with me and my relationship. I’m sorry in advance about how horribly this post is written; I’m extremely emotional rn. This is a throwaway account.
My fiancé (24M) and I (23F) have been together for over 6 years now, engaged since February ‘23. We’re high school sweethearts since my junior and his senior year. The past year has been incredibly turbulent and testing to our relationship.
I’d say our issues started when he was sharing his confused feelings with me towards a coworker in his project group at school. We had gone out to lunch and he told me that he really liked this coworker and didn’t know what to make of his feelings towards her. He said that he found her very attractive and said that he wasn’t sure if he just really liked her company or if he was having romantic feelings towards her. He even went as far as saying that he could imagine them watching a movie, cuddling, and kissing if she was into that. I couldn’t eat my food after hearing this. I was a sobbing mess. The perfect image I had of him shattered right in front of me in the span of 30 minutes. For me, physical cheating is bad but not nearly as bad as emotional cheating, and this… this was the ultimate betrayal. He tried to reassure me that he wasn’t sure about his feelings and was just trying to make sense of them by talking to me about them, but I was broken by the fact that having other romantic interests with anyone outside of our relationship was even possible or remotely okay in his mind.
That was the beginning of months of torture. He said he didn’t expect my reaction to be as volatile as it was. He said he didn’t feel comfortable being emotionally vulnerable with me anymore in fear that I’d blow up on him. He spent more and more time around this coworker and less and less time around me. I started to become extremely aware of all of his flaws and almost everything he did became unbearably annoying. Our weekly date nights (which he never cared much about before and rarely happened) completely went away and were replaced by “Wine Nights” with this coworker. I was invited, but I never felt comfortable (not because of her, because of our relationship problems surrounding her).
The discomfort became incredibly taxing and I eventually gave my fiancé an ultimatum: her or me. I didn’t want to, but he clearly was prioritizing their relationship over ours, and I had enough of it. He was making little to no effort to fix what happened or show that what he said at that lunch wasn’t what he meant. His response to the ultimatum was to sob. He said I was being unfair and he’d feel obligated to choose our relationship but he’d feel isolated and depressed without his friendship with her. Needless to say, he didn’t cut ties with her. I kept making compromises to cater to him and his desires.
After months of turmoil, we decided to go into couples therapy. There have been good weeks and bad weeks. At some point, I started to think we were healing and getting back on the right track, and I like to believe that we really were.
For some context, because we were each others’ firsts, we talked about experimenting with others to learn more about ourselves. About 3 years into our relationship, we started sexting with swingers and actually met up with two couples and had fun. Everything we did was together in that respect. I’ve always known I was bisexual, but as of recently, my fiancé found out that he was pansexual so he suggested we have separate experiences with other people to explore more about ourselves. I was fine with that because I felt like I couldn’t keep up with his sex drive and didn’t want him to live in the dark not knowing how he identified.
It started out with online PMs and video chats with other people, and then he asked if I’d be comfortable with him meeting up with people. I said that I was fine with it but it would have to be mutual as I’d like to explore as well. He said he would only be comfortable if I explore with women exclusively. He later changed it to being okay with doing anything other than vaginal penetration with men and he’d be more comfortable with male experiences if it was in front of him. Because of this, I asked him to not vaginally penetrate any of his partners, and he took offense to that, saying he felt like I placed that restriction to retaliate. I placed that restriction because I want him to work out why it makes him uncomfortable for me and a guy to go all the way and why he doesn’t feel like it applies to him. He begrudgingly agreed.
He’s now had 2 in-person partners and I’ve had none. We’ve talked about boundaries in therapy towards this and he’s seemed happy to oblige and happy with this newfound sexual freedom, and I was happy for him. Until he broke two of our boundaries. One of our boundaries is to keep our things ours. This means our bed, our clothes, and our items. We didn’t specifically list everything, but I thought this was a pretty self explanatory list and told him to check with me if he wasn’t sure if something applied. While I was out at a friend’s house, he had a fwb come over (which I knew about). I later found out that he used my sex toys on him. I was enraged and felt betrayed about this and he tried to defend himself by saying “oh I didn’t know” and “well they’re OUR toys, not just yours”. I didn’t know what to say afterwards and just left the room.
The other boundary he broke is going to our fwbs about our relationship problems. We very clearly stated that that was out of line in therapy. And what does he do? He goes to his fwb with some of our problems. This specific one really messed with me because it was about him and his drinking habits and I had been begging him for months to cut down or stop drinking completely because I got physically injured due to it. He always brushed me off and called me controlling. But guess what? After talking to his fwb about a disturbing event that occurred while he was drinking heavily that almost cost him his friendship with the same coworker friend from earlier, he decided he was going to stop drinking. To me, this clearly was so disrespectful and extremely telling that I just was not as high of a priority to him as I thought I was. It also doesn’t help that they’re constantly texting or that my fiancé keeps bringing up how this fwb makes him happy (coincidentally in ways that I don’t).
Last night, my fiancé got together a bunch of my friends and held a belated surprise birthday party for me and I loved it. One of those people however was one of his fwbs. This fwb is really sweet and I didn’t mind his presence at all. What I did mind though, it that when I got up to go to bed, instead of following me, my fiancé opted to stay with him and they had sex while I took care of myself in my room. It just felt like a slap in the face.
And now I come here to you. I need an experienced adult to talk to. A mom. A dad. Someone to please help me figure out if I really am being disrespected or if I’m being overbearing. Am I being too harsh? Am I falling out of love? Does he love me or is he just with me because of sunk cost fallacy? He has diagnosed ADHD and is medicated, I have C-PTSD and am medicated if that helps with anything.
TLDR; multiple boundaries have been crossed in my relationship with my fiancé, and idk if our relationship is salvageable or if I’m completely blowing things out of proportion.
submitted by Antique_Collar3858 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
My fiancé (24M) and I (23F) have been together for over 6 years now, engaged since February ‘23. We’re high school sweethearts since my junior and his senior year. The past year has been incredibly turbulent and testing to our relationship.
I’d say our issues started when he was sharing his confused feelings with me towards a coworker in his project group at school. We had gone out to lunch and he told me that he really liked this coworker and didn’t know what to make of his feelings towards her. He said that he found her very attractive and said that he wasn’t sure if he just really liked her company or if he was having romantic feelings towards her. He even went as far as saying that he could imagine them watching a movie, cuddling, and kissing if she was into that. I couldn’t eat my food after hearing this. I was a sobbing mess. The perfect image I had of him shattered right in front of me in the span of 30 minutes. For me, physical cheating is bad but not nearly as bad as emotional cheating, and this… this was the ultimate betrayal. He tried to reassure me that he wasn’t sure about his feelings and was just trying to make sense of them by talking to me about them, but I was broken by the fact that having other romantic interests with anyone outside of our relationship was even possible or remotely okay in his mind.
That was the beginning of months of torture. He said he didn’t expect my reaction to be as volatile as it was. He said he didn’t feel comfortable being emotionally vulnerable with me anymore in fear that I’d blow up on him. He spent more and more time around this coworker and less and less time around me. I started to become extremely aware of all of his flaws and almost everything he did became unbearably annoying. Our weekly date nights (which he never cared much about before and rarely happened) completely went away and were replaced by “Wine Nights” with this coworker. I was invited, but I never felt comfortable (not because of her, because of our relationship problems surrounding her).
The discomfort became incredibly taxing and I eventually gave my fiancé an ultimatum: her or me. I didn’t want to, but he clearly was prioritizing their relationship over ours, and I had enough of it. He was making little to no effort to fix what happened or show that what he said at that lunch wasn’t what he meant. His response to the ultimatum was to sob. He said I was being unfair and he’d feel obligated to choose our relationship but he’d feel isolated and depressed without his friendship with her. Needless to say, he didn’t cut ties with her. I kept making compromises to cater to him and his desires.
After months of turmoil, we decided to go into couples therapy. There have been good weeks and bad weeks. At some point, I started to think we were healing and getting back on the right track, and I like to believe that we really were.
For some context, because we were each others’ firsts, we talked about experimenting with others to learn more about ourselves. About 3 years into our relationship, we started sexting with swingers and actually met up with two couples and had fun. Everything we did was together in that respect. I’ve always known I was bisexual, but as of recently, my fiancé found out that he was pansexual so he suggested we have separate experiences with other people to explore more about ourselves. I was fine with that because I felt like I couldn’t keep up with his sex drive and didn’t want him to live in the dark not knowing how he identified.
It started out with online PMs and video chats with other people, and then he asked if I’d be comfortable with him meeting up with people. I said that I was fine with it but it would have to be mutual as I’d like to explore as well. He said he would only be comfortable if I explore with women exclusively. He later changed it to being okay with doing anything other than vaginal penetration with men and he’d be more comfortable with male experiences if it was in front of him. Because of this, I asked him to not vaginally penetrate any of his partners, and he took offense to that, saying he felt like I placed that restriction to retaliate. I placed that restriction because I want him to work out why it makes him uncomfortable for me and a guy to go all the way and why he doesn’t feel like it applies to him. He begrudgingly agreed.
He’s now had 2 in-person partners and I’ve had none. We’ve talked about boundaries in therapy towards this and he’s seemed happy to oblige and happy with this newfound sexual freedom, and I was happy for him. Until he broke two of our boundaries. One of our boundaries is to keep our things ours. This means our bed, our clothes, and our items. We didn’t specifically list everything, but I thought this was a pretty self explanatory list and told him to check with me if he wasn’t sure if something applied. While I was out at a friend’s house, he had a fwb come over (which I knew about). I later found out that he used my sex toys on him. I was enraged and felt betrayed about this and he tried to defend himself by saying “oh I didn’t know” and “well they’re OUR toys, not just yours”. I didn’t know what to say afterwards and just left the room.
The other boundary he broke is going to our fwbs about our relationship problems. We very clearly stated that that was out of line in therapy. And what does he do? He goes to his fwb with some of our problems. This specific one really messed with me because it was about him and his drinking habits and I had been begging him for months to cut down or stop drinking completely because I got physically injured due to it. He always brushed me off and called me controlling. But guess what? After talking to his fwb about a disturbing event that occurred while he was drinking heavily that almost cost him his friendship with the same coworker friend from earlier, he decided he was going to stop drinking. To me, this clearly was so disrespectful and extremely telling that I just was not as high of a priority to him as I thought I was. It also doesn’t help that they’re constantly texting or that my fiancé keeps bringing up how this fwb makes him happy (coincidentally in ways that I don’t).
Last night, my fiancé got together a bunch of my friends and held a belated surprise birthday party for me and I loved it. One of those people however was one of his fwbs. This fwb is really sweet and I didn’t mind his presence at all. What I did mind though, it that when I got up to go to bed, instead of following me, my fiancé opted to stay with him and they had sex while I took care of myself in my room. It just felt like a slap in the face.
And now I come here to you. I need an experienced adult to talk to. A mom. A dad. Someone to please help me figure out if I really am being disrespected or if I’m being overbearing. Am I being too harsh? Am I falling out of love? Does he love me or is he just with me because of sunk cost fallacy? He has diagnosed ADHD and is medicated, I have C-PTSD and am medicated if that helps with anything.
TLDR; multiple boundaries have been crossed in my relationship with my fiancé, and idk if our relationship is salvageable or if I’m completely blowing things out of proportion.
2024.05.06 07:13 Admirable-Coffee-752 Could this be drakes son???
 | There’s more pics on here page but damn this is crazy submitted by Admirable-Coffee-752 to TheKM [link] [comments] |
2024.05.06 07:10 Apprehensive_Style89 Bliss
The hoes like when I hold mic’s and flow tight
I keep the quotes nice
mediocrity is not for me get off the beat
rhymin so awkwardly
an adolescent destined for perfection
it’s the progression of my profession
im headin for succession
this a blessin in effection
i got close to heaven from a smokin session
lost souls with no direction
writing diss raps ill wrist blast ya bitch ass
git your shit stripped fast
I put thugs in ditches in sewers or sleeping with the fishes
let my shooter do their business when their trigger finger itches
all hits no misses left no witness
my dawgs are rough and vicious
the rhymes I wrote defined the code
ima grind for those dollar signs n clothes
plus the finest hoes and ice that’s froze
I’m beside the pros
it’s Skizo God fuckin on a nympho broad
akimbo glocks get your windows shot
lately my rhymes been so hot sick flows dropped
hella hazy spliffs rolled lots
I want a better life with my cheddar nice
submitted by Apprehensive_Style89 to raplyrics [link] [comments]
I keep the quotes nice
mediocrity is not for me get off the beat
rhymin so awkwardly
an adolescent destined for perfection
it’s the progression of my profession
im headin for succession
this a blessin in effection
i got close to heaven from a smokin session
lost souls with no direction
writing diss raps ill wrist blast ya bitch ass
git your shit stripped fast
I put thugs in ditches in sewers or sleeping with the fishes
let my shooter do their business when their trigger finger itches
all hits no misses left no witness
my dawgs are rough and vicious
the rhymes I wrote defined the code
ima grind for those dollar signs n clothes
plus the finest hoes and ice that’s froze
I’m beside the pros
it’s Skizo God fuckin on a nympho broad
akimbo glocks get your windows shot
lately my rhymes been so hot sick flows dropped
hella hazy spliffs rolled lots
I want a better life with my cheddar nice
2024.05.06 07:10 Senior_Extreme5750 I have the Lovely Coach in boxes.
 | I’ve had him since I started my island when the game first came out. I never thought he was the cutest villager, but he’s the sweetest thing and really grew on me. He’d be the one to throw my birthday party every year, hang out in my place and invite me over to his. Always happy to see me… I don’t want him to just go to the void. I really wish someone could give him a good home. Please submitted by Senior_Extreme5750 to ACNHVillagersInBoxes [link] [comments] |
2024.05.06 07:08 Breezysushi Birthday cake for Fish
 | Hey bunmoms and dads! This little guy’s birthday is coming up soon in a couple of months. I thought of getting him those cute handcrafted birthday ‘cakes’ and it’s rather costly. submitted by Breezysushi to Rabbits [link] [comments] So i plan to make one on my own. People usually mix together mashed bananas, ground up pellets and hay then bake it right? Is there a lower sugar substitute for bananas that are rabbit-friendly? Since i’d be decorating the ‘cake’ with relatively sweet ingredients like fruits. |
2024.05.06 07:07 FishermanWeak946 Overcoming a gatekeeping older sister.
So I am a 21(f) and my older sister is 23 and I'm trying to overcome my sister NOW including me on thing she would gatkeep me for years. Like types of animes, the bands she was listening to, and anything that is close to her field of interest. And growing up, whenever I tried to listen to the band or watch the show them she would get so angry and forced me to not listen/watch. And when I wanted to learn the ukulele she discouraged me to not play since and the weaker version of the acoustic guitar...so I never pursued anything with music. Thus I turned to art...
She was the music girl and I was the art girl. So growing up I felt like I was forced to do art, not don't get me wrong I do enjoy art but I really want to explore more means or arts and play the guitar and sing.
But growing up, that was my sister's thing and the people around knows us as that.
Now being 21 with two younger siblings she is now so much more open on sharing the music and not discourages them if they try to pursue something in music.
And I finally got the guts to purchase a ukulele for my birthday (also my brother got one for a project) and she would take my ukulele to play with my brother.
I didn't realize how mad that would make me because she plays it so well, i guess it because of all the years playing guitar.
Plus when my brother and I were talking how cool it it that we are getting mini calluses my dad would say " well She started with metal strings so stop complaining"
And now Im feeling so discouraged to continue playing or even listen to music because i feel so left behind
( sorry this was a long rant, this is my first reddit post, i hope someone can give me advice I would really appreciate it! :)
submitted by FishermanWeak946 to Advice [link] [comments]
She was the music girl and I was the art girl. So growing up I felt like I was forced to do art, not don't get me wrong I do enjoy art but I really want to explore more means or arts and play the guitar and sing.
But growing up, that was my sister's thing and the people around knows us as that.
Now being 21 with two younger siblings she is now so much more open on sharing the music and not discourages them if they try to pursue something in music.
And I finally got the guts to purchase a ukulele for my birthday (also my brother got one for a project) and she would take my ukulele to play with my brother.
I didn't realize how mad that would make me because she plays it so well, i guess it because of all the years playing guitar.
Plus when my brother and I were talking how cool it it that we are getting mini calluses my dad would say " well She started with metal strings so stop complaining"
And now Im feeling so discouraged to continue playing or even listen to music because i feel so left behind
( sorry this was a long rant, this is my first reddit post, i hope someone can give me advice I would really appreciate it! :)
2024.05.06 07:06 PrestigiousSpot7634 25F partner still not committed to me 40F
Not sure where to start but I met my girlfriend when she was going through a very rough time about four years ago. She was involved with bad friends etc.
I helped her heal (through a lot of love kindness and acceptance) to a point now where she is mostly stable. But it was three very hard years of being cheated on, dealing with toxic friends and being on and off. A lot of trauma but I always knew and saw how amazing she is. I’ve always tried to see the best in people and I really saw a lot of good in her — very talented, creative and caring.
However I am left deeply insecure and wounded. She’s been amazing at reassuring me since she stabilised which was when she was diagnosed with bipolar about a year and a half ago — meds helped tremendously. I really feel that she is amazing. Kind, creative and loving. She has cut off her old toxic friends and made our home beautiful. We have a dog we love and many things in our favour. She’s worked at building up trust and has been reassuring me.
However despite us living together now for almost two years and mostly being stable — she has a gambling addiction and very toxic parents who affect our relationship significantly.
Her parents are very closed minded people who are not happy. They criticise my partner all the time. For example they came down for her birthday weekend and I arranged a surprise dinner for her. They didn’t bother to buy her a gift and contribute to the bill. Further no matter how accommodating I am to them when we part ways with them my partner starts seeing all the faults with me and our relationship and wants to leave me.
There is an age gap of 15 years and I own and run a very busy business. She’s been amazing in her help and advice but is also very much inconsistent. As a creative she gets bored easily. Recently she’s been criticizing how much I work and how she wants to be more free. That I’m too serious and am a control freak. Also she’s depressed with our relationship that is why she has put on weight…
This was once again after a visit from her mother. She even suggested I find someone older as she is better at “flings”. A week ago all was ok?
As a background her mother and father have a very unhappy relationship. Her father is verbally and physically abusive. The mother is a gambling addict too and I feel that she is jealous of her life with me. They are very critical of her and despite this she is very defensive of them and is quick to defend them.
I want to know does one stay with someone after investing so much time with them? Despite it feeling like I’m the one mainly batting for our team. I’m at the point now where I feel hopeless. Tldr: my girlfriend of 4 years is very influenced by her abusive parents which is affecting our relationship.
submitted by PrestigiousSpot7634 to relationships [link] [comments]
I helped her heal (through a lot of love kindness and acceptance) to a point now where she is mostly stable. But it was three very hard years of being cheated on, dealing with toxic friends and being on and off. A lot of trauma but I always knew and saw how amazing she is. I’ve always tried to see the best in people and I really saw a lot of good in her — very talented, creative and caring.
However I am left deeply insecure and wounded. She’s been amazing at reassuring me since she stabilised which was when she was diagnosed with bipolar about a year and a half ago — meds helped tremendously. I really feel that she is amazing. Kind, creative and loving. She has cut off her old toxic friends and made our home beautiful. We have a dog we love and many things in our favour. She’s worked at building up trust and has been reassuring me.
However despite us living together now for almost two years and mostly being stable — she has a gambling addiction and very toxic parents who affect our relationship significantly.
Her parents are very closed minded people who are not happy. They criticise my partner all the time. For example they came down for her birthday weekend and I arranged a surprise dinner for her. They didn’t bother to buy her a gift and contribute to the bill. Further no matter how accommodating I am to them when we part ways with them my partner starts seeing all the faults with me and our relationship and wants to leave me.
There is an age gap of 15 years and I own and run a very busy business. She’s been amazing in her help and advice but is also very much inconsistent. As a creative she gets bored easily. Recently she’s been criticizing how much I work and how she wants to be more free. That I’m too serious and am a control freak. Also she’s depressed with our relationship that is why she has put on weight…
This was once again after a visit from her mother. She even suggested I find someone older as she is better at “flings”. A week ago all was ok?
As a background her mother and father have a very unhappy relationship. Her father is verbally and physically abusive. The mother is a gambling addict too and I feel that she is jealous of her life with me. They are very critical of her and despite this she is very defensive of them and is quick to defend them.
I want to know does one stay with someone after investing so much time with them? Despite it feeling like I’m the one mainly batting for our team. I’m at the point now where I feel hopeless. Tldr: my girlfriend of 4 years is very influenced by her abusive parents which is affecting our relationship.
2024.05.06 07:02 Street_Caterpillar35 Indefinite LDR after 2 weeks?!?!
I really need help and I am hoping you guys can weigh in on if I'm totally crazy.
TL;Dr: the guy I dated for 2 weeks has indefinitely moved to the other side of the world for work and wants us to keep an LDR???
In mid-February of this year, me (F26) and this dude (M25) started meeting up for drinks once a weekish.
We had gone to uni together years before but we had never been particularly close. He replied to an Instagram story of my birthday, and, after a brief chitchat, we agreed to meet up for a drink to catch up.
The catch-up went great and we started meeting up regularly after that. We both sorta had some feelings for each other, but we expressed nothing. We didn't even hold hands! We both knew from the first meeting that he was leaving the country essentially permanently in mid-April.
On the first of April, he confessed that he had developed feelings for me and was hoping I felt the same. I did. We agreed to make the most of the few weeks left and not label anything.
Almost overnight, we sorta put a relationship on fast forward. He moved in with me, we had sex and all that stuff.
I love everything about him, except the sex - the sex is atrocious. I was low-key happy we would only do it for a week before he left.
I always spoke about him leaving as an end point, but he'd always brush it off and say we never know what could happen. I couldn't understand why a guy would wanna have a long distance relationship with someone they only dated 2 weeks in real life, but he was quite the romantic. I am practical.
To me it seemed pretty clear that there wasn't a chance of us staying together because he is European and he had gotten a full-time permanent job in Europe. (I'm Canadian).
There is literally no chance of us getting together long term in real life for the foreseeable future. I am going on vacation to Europe for 3 weeks this summer and he wants me to spend it with him, but I'm wondering if this is a bad idea that is only leading him on.
I think it's totally delusional to be so set on having a LDR with someone you essentially barely know. But he is! He wants to visit when he has vacation for like 3 days... From Europe.... Like what???
Is it fair to feel this way? Am I crazy? Should I give it a shot? How do I bring this up?
Every time I've brought it up so far, he's told me to give it time and see how it goes. He's said that if it fails, it'll probably be gradual drifting apart and that there's no need to do a formal breakup. I dunno.
submitted by Street_Caterpillar35 to LDR [link] [comments]
TL;Dr: the guy I dated for 2 weeks has indefinitely moved to the other side of the world for work and wants us to keep an LDR???
In mid-February of this year, me (F26) and this dude (M25) started meeting up for drinks once a weekish.
We had gone to uni together years before but we had never been particularly close. He replied to an Instagram story of my birthday, and, after a brief chitchat, we agreed to meet up for a drink to catch up.
The catch-up went great and we started meeting up regularly after that. We both sorta had some feelings for each other, but we expressed nothing. We didn't even hold hands! We both knew from the first meeting that he was leaving the country essentially permanently in mid-April.
On the first of April, he confessed that he had developed feelings for me and was hoping I felt the same. I did. We agreed to make the most of the few weeks left and not label anything.
Almost overnight, we sorta put a relationship on fast forward. He moved in with me, we had sex and all that stuff.
I love everything about him, except the sex - the sex is atrocious. I was low-key happy we would only do it for a week before he left.
I always spoke about him leaving as an end point, but he'd always brush it off and say we never know what could happen. I couldn't understand why a guy would wanna have a long distance relationship with someone they only dated 2 weeks in real life, but he was quite the romantic. I am practical.
To me it seemed pretty clear that there wasn't a chance of us staying together because he is European and he had gotten a full-time permanent job in Europe. (I'm Canadian).
There is literally no chance of us getting together long term in real life for the foreseeable future. I am going on vacation to Europe for 3 weeks this summer and he wants me to spend it with him, but I'm wondering if this is a bad idea that is only leading him on.
I think it's totally delusional to be so set on having a LDR with someone you essentially barely know. But he is! He wants to visit when he has vacation for like 3 days... From Europe.... Like what???
Is it fair to feel this way? Am I crazy? Should I give it a shot? How do I bring this up?
Every time I've brought it up so far, he's told me to give it time and see how it goes. He's said that if it fails, it'll probably be gradual drifting apart and that there's no need to do a formal breakup. I dunno.
2024.05.06 07:00 MyaLVJY Vent/ journal entry
With all my relationships failing im falling into depprestion again
A week ago all my(minorF) family relationships with my brothers(20somthingM and minorM) and my dad(50's) have gone to shit. My older brother and ive had a disagreement about ideas including religon, his veiws are that ,real quote , "Woman should be submisive to men"
My younger older brother has major anger issuse, and alot of other unsolved mentle problems With his major anger issuse hes on multiple instances tackled, pushed and kicked, and punched me and has sense he turned 10 (me being 6) the most poinion instances being acople months ago were we made a deal that if i was able to finish the hardest boss on the hardest difficulty of a gacha game hes realy into hed do laundry for as long as we were there. On sat i was very slumpish on finsishing all my chours so it was taking me all day to clean my room my brother keep demanding i do my room faster which was obviously so i could play the game faster. He offerd to help but i declined because ive had to many important things and privet things be looked at and throun out. He got upset at this and took something of mine he knew i had a connect to and ran off which i ran after and took it back taking another thing i had a connect to running away to mom i follow she tells him to give it back he does gos down and takes my phone i then again run after him this time pissed seeing him heading to the bathroom to lock himself in it i peacefully trip him slowing him down by grapiling to him then slightly hiting the back of his knees and pulling him down sitting on his legs and reaching and taking my phone getting up and walking back to my bedroom where he preceds to takle me down i brace my self and hide my phone were he then sends 7 painfull full fource hits to my arm and back to were im done with this and gets my mom to babysit him while i sit on my floor aching and clean my room. Not one dicipline and only baby sat him cause i had made myself cry to make her baby sit him. The most recent one was a week ago were my mom whent down stairs and sees my formal dresse i was altering (that i told her i was going to alter) in parts and starts fliping out. That day i had clean the whole kitchen and diner, made a sweet for my mom and did my brothers chours in the process. She comes upstairs begins to yell again the goes to her room my brother coming up sith her instead of following her to her room or getting food which i asumed he was going to do comes over to me who rolled my eyes and took another sip of water, sended 3 painfull punches staint to my chest leaving a bruse and nummness causing me to spit out all my water. I sat there for a bit in shock and pain untill my mom came back to the kitchen still yelling grabed some febreeze and whent out. I got up cleaned my face and proceeded to drink some more water then mop up the water. She comes back relizes me with the mop and asks wered all the water come from which i responded "_____ puching the shit out of me. I go outside while she talks to him thru the bathroom door afaid hed get in troble and comes up to check on me, asks me were he hit me and preceds to call her sister like nothing happend were i get the text "sorry" and nothing else happens till this last sat while im unpacking the groceries w my mom i responded to a comment of me not doing my chores saying hed just hit me again were he responsed and youll just cry like a baby again. Today just a cople hours ago he yelled at me for wasting water doing laundrey which is all our jobs but he insists it all mine saying stop smirking after i keept giving several resons it was ok and i was in the right to witch he said "maybe ill just have to beat the shit out of your face then" to which i responded "this thime ill have to recored it, so at night i can replay it before i go to sleep everynight" which confused him enogh to leave me alone.
All this with the loss of my rock followed with tge lost of trust in my friends and all suports has got me into more of a slump making me freeze up often and egar to leave all social places and my home. With so much things happening im just sad tierd and stressed to the point im not talking alot, eating alot and my physical bodys taking a toll to.
Im so tierd
submitted by MyaLVJY to u/MyaLVJY [link] [comments]
A week ago all my(minorF) family relationships with my brothers(20somthingM and minorM) and my dad(50's) have gone to shit. My older brother and ive had a disagreement about ideas including religon, his veiws are that ,real quote , "Woman should be submisive to men"
My younger older brother has major anger issuse, and alot of other unsolved mentle problems With his major anger issuse hes on multiple instances tackled, pushed and kicked, and punched me and has sense he turned 10 (me being 6) the most poinion instances being acople months ago were we made a deal that if i was able to finish the hardest boss on the hardest difficulty of a gacha game hes realy into hed do laundry for as long as we were there. On sat i was very slumpish on finsishing all my chours so it was taking me all day to clean my room my brother keep demanding i do my room faster which was obviously so i could play the game faster. He offerd to help but i declined because ive had to many important things and privet things be looked at and throun out. He got upset at this and took something of mine he knew i had a connect to and ran off which i ran after and took it back taking another thing i had a connect to running away to mom i follow she tells him to give it back he does gos down and takes my phone i then again run after him this time pissed seeing him heading to the bathroom to lock himself in it i peacefully trip him slowing him down by grapiling to him then slightly hiting the back of his knees and pulling him down sitting on his legs and reaching and taking my phone getting up and walking back to my bedroom where he preceds to takle me down i brace my self and hide my phone were he then sends 7 painfull full fource hits to my arm and back to were im done with this and gets my mom to babysit him while i sit on my floor aching and clean my room. Not one dicipline and only baby sat him cause i had made myself cry to make her baby sit him. The most recent one was a week ago were my mom whent down stairs and sees my formal dresse i was altering (that i told her i was going to alter) in parts and starts fliping out. That day i had clean the whole kitchen and diner, made a sweet for my mom and did my brothers chours in the process. She comes upstairs begins to yell again the goes to her room my brother coming up sith her instead of following her to her room or getting food which i asumed he was going to do comes over to me who rolled my eyes and took another sip of water, sended 3 painfull punches staint to my chest leaving a bruse and nummness causing me to spit out all my water. I sat there for a bit in shock and pain untill my mom came back to the kitchen still yelling grabed some febreeze and whent out. I got up cleaned my face and proceeded to drink some more water then mop up the water. She comes back relizes me with the mop and asks wered all the water come from which i responded "_____ puching the shit out of me. I go outside while she talks to him thru the bathroom door afaid hed get in troble and comes up to check on me, asks me were he hit me and preceds to call her sister like nothing happend were i get the text "sorry" and nothing else happens till this last sat while im unpacking the groceries w my mom i responded to a comment of me not doing my chores saying hed just hit me again were he responsed and youll just cry like a baby again. Today just a cople hours ago he yelled at me for wasting water doing laundrey which is all our jobs but he insists it all mine saying stop smirking after i keept giving several resons it was ok and i was in the right to witch he said "maybe ill just have to beat the shit out of your face then" to which i responded "this thime ill have to recored it, so at night i can replay it before i go to sleep everynight" which confused him enogh to leave me alone.
All this with the loss of my rock followed with tge lost of trust in my friends and all suports has got me into more of a slump making me freeze up often and egar to leave all social places and my home. With so much things happening im just sad tierd and stressed to the point im not talking alot, eating alot and my physical bodys taking a toll to.
Im so tierd
2024.05.06 06:57 onlyupfromhere00 My deranged predator landlord straight from hell
I often catch myself spiralling in thought about my old share-house, more specifically the landlord who came with it. I stuck it out for two years and I still have no idea how I did it. I finally want to get this part of my life off my chest and move on.
My past student accommodation went bust and I was in desperate need of a new place to call home while I finished uni. One listing on a flat-sharing site stood out in particular and I immediately registered my interest. The landlord got back to me and it was not long before we got on a phone call. For further context, I was not in a position to inspect the property due to Covid restrictions and sealed the deal via that phone call. He was a bit of a talker, but overall seemed friendly.
Let’s call him ‘Mason’.
Mason informed me that he lived on the property, however shared it with 4 other tenants plus his son who was 19 at the time. I did raise an eyebrow at this, however brushed it off because I foolishly assumed that it would be safe given this family dynamic that existed on the property.
I finally moved my belongings in, and things were great until they weren’t. I started to notice that things were not quite right - The amenities upon the listings were not functional, the turnover rate of tenants was particularly high, and now meeting Mason in person, he was a little too friendly for my liking. He would just keep talking. You would be in the kitchen and a mere greeting would drag out to an hour long conversation you would struggle to escape. Any topic would be turned into an opportunity to talk about himself and he would repeat the same stories over and over. Most conversations were about how he was a ‘millionaire’ and owns his own company. How he owns a Porsche 911, but it has been in the shop for the last 4 years. It wasn’t long till I caught on that what he says should be taken with a grain of salt, but there was only so much that I could keep at arms length.
I was struggling with a severe eating disorder at the time and wanted more than anything to recover. Whilst nothing ever particularly triggered me, Mason would make daily remarks about his diets, hours at the gym and would announce how long he had gone without eating. The routinely ‘I’ve-spent-my-whole-day-at-the-gym-and-this-is-my-first-meal-of-the-day’ became unbearable and I had politely asked Mason to not make such comments around me. Even though he acknowledged what I had said, nothing changed. Comments on what I was preparing in the kitchen stated ramp up and he would give me unwelcome health advice - E.g. Informing me that “fruit makes you fat” whilst I was enjoying an apple or banana.
However, that was just the tip of the iceberg.
Mason had no issues sharing everything about himself, including his romantic life. Hearing about it was one thing, but it became a problem when he started to bring “women” home… and my room shared a wall with his. I remember him walking up the stairs with a girl tailing behind him that looked particularly young. They disappeared into his room where he pumped house music and cracked open a bottle of wine. Time went by and she threw up on the floor. He was reassuring her how ‘accidents happen’ and how looking after her reminded him of looking after his son. I couldn’t stand it so I disappeared downstairs to the kitchen where a few other tenants were sat chatting. I joined them. Mason then came down for a bucket and a mop where he began to make fun of this poor girl and somehow brag about how gross it was that she threw up. It was a complete switch up from the caring facade that he held moments ago.
It was now a while after and he was still seeing her. Mason would still overshare his experiences with her and explained his bizarre love for toxic relationships, power imbalances and manipulation. Specifically about how he would draw woman in till desperation, just for him to keep them at arms length. It made things even more sad when I saw a present from that girl on the kitchen bench. It had a letter attached to it, and I sneakily took a look. It was heartbreaking skimming through her handwritten card until I got to a part where she was thanking Mason for making her 18th birthday ‘so special’…
He is 40+ and his son who lives in the house is older than her…
After he got tired of his fling with her, he began targeting one of the housemates in her early 20s. He made comments to the male tenants on his desire to sleep with her and started to give her ‘special treatment’, which she did not enjoy. She started to give him the silent treatment which he would often complain to me about- ‘I’ve done all this for her and she ignores me?’…’I see her like the daughter I never had.’
Over my two-year stay, he raised my rent above the legal limit, screamed at me when I had asked for my main light to be fixed after being broken for well-over 6 months, shamed me for how ‘horrible’ my crying sounded in-front if all my housemates after I found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer, knocking at my door at random times to entrap me in lengthy rants about his tenants, and the list goes on.
I finally gave in my two weeks notice. My partner and I had booked a trip during the lead up to my move-out date, but we would be back to move my belongings. I had sent a very well prepared email confirming all my notice details and provided the appropriate payment for the days that extended beyond the usual fortnightly rent. My partner and I were traveling back from our trip when I received a message at 11pm the night before my final day that I had payed for. This was the first time Mason had reached out to clarify details, and was now asking me when I would be moving out tomorrow, as he had the new tenant moving it at lunch… We replied about how I had no obligation to vacate the premise till 12PM the following night since I provided adequate payment for that day. This was clearly outlined in my email which I had 10+ people review since I didn’t want to run into this exact issue whilst moving out. Before he could reply, we deleted the message app so we could prepared for the big move the following day without further stress from his inappropriately timed messages.
The next day we got in early and began moving my already packed belongings. It was all going well until Mason began following me around the house repeating my name over and over to get my attention, even though I had no interest in engaging in conversation. I snapped and told him I would only want to talk if he spoke to me more respectfully. Mason then laughed and ran up to his room where he began to have a very-public and over-the-top phone conversation with the new tenant. He was smiling at me through the door way whilst was making snarky remarks at my ‘unwillingness to move out’…. Even though I had provided payment and my email stated that I had the day to move. My partner rushed back into the house when he heard things got heated, and Mason was now at the top of the stairs screaming at me about how I am crazy. My partner had enough and told him to ‘shut the fuck up’. Mason stopped and replied ‘excuse me’ in a slow manner whilst laughing. With 2 heavy boxes still in his hands, my partner climbed the stair case toward him and integrated him- ‘Is it really appropriate to be contacting your tenants outside of business hours?’… ‘Do you think it is acceptable to send you tenants messages at 11PM concerning a matter that is to take place the following day?’
He didn’t have an answer for a single question. He was just trying to pick apart my notice email for details that ‘I had gotten wrong’ and even offered a refund for the day we had paid for.
My partner cut him off, ‘We are done having this conversation and we will be out of the house as soon as we have all of her belongings.’
It was during this whole ordeal, that I also found out that a viewing of over 70 people took place whilst I was away and Mason did not disclose the date or time he had planned to gain access to my room which still had my belongings in it.
Things got a chance to cool down while we finishing up and I decided to end things on a more positive note while returning the keys. I politely thanked him for letting me rent my room for the last two years and wished him the best. He then tried to catch me up in a last conversation about how he ‘looked after me’. I just said a bunch of ‘yeps’ and nods during his spiel and that was that.
I don’t think there will ever be enough words to fully encapsulate every experience within this house, but that is something I need to accept and move on from. As much as I wanted to, I was unable to moved due to a local housing crisis. The rent I was paying at the time was affordable in comparison to all the rental listings that shot up shortly after I initially moved in.
Please excuse any spelling errors and thank you for taking the time to read about my experience.
submitted by onlyupfromhere00 to Tenant [link] [comments]
My past student accommodation went bust and I was in desperate need of a new place to call home while I finished uni. One listing on a flat-sharing site stood out in particular and I immediately registered my interest. The landlord got back to me and it was not long before we got on a phone call. For further context, I was not in a position to inspect the property due to Covid restrictions and sealed the deal via that phone call. He was a bit of a talker, but overall seemed friendly.
Let’s call him ‘Mason’.
Mason informed me that he lived on the property, however shared it with 4 other tenants plus his son who was 19 at the time. I did raise an eyebrow at this, however brushed it off because I foolishly assumed that it would be safe given this family dynamic that existed on the property.
I finally moved my belongings in, and things were great until they weren’t. I started to notice that things were not quite right - The amenities upon the listings were not functional, the turnover rate of tenants was particularly high, and now meeting Mason in person, he was a little too friendly for my liking. He would just keep talking. You would be in the kitchen and a mere greeting would drag out to an hour long conversation you would struggle to escape. Any topic would be turned into an opportunity to talk about himself and he would repeat the same stories over and over. Most conversations were about how he was a ‘millionaire’ and owns his own company. How he owns a Porsche 911, but it has been in the shop for the last 4 years. It wasn’t long till I caught on that what he says should be taken with a grain of salt, but there was only so much that I could keep at arms length.
I was struggling with a severe eating disorder at the time and wanted more than anything to recover. Whilst nothing ever particularly triggered me, Mason would make daily remarks about his diets, hours at the gym and would announce how long he had gone without eating. The routinely ‘I’ve-spent-my-whole-day-at-the-gym-and-this-is-my-first-meal-of-the-day’ became unbearable and I had politely asked Mason to not make such comments around me. Even though he acknowledged what I had said, nothing changed. Comments on what I was preparing in the kitchen stated ramp up and he would give me unwelcome health advice - E.g. Informing me that “fruit makes you fat” whilst I was enjoying an apple or banana.
However, that was just the tip of the iceberg.
Mason had no issues sharing everything about himself, including his romantic life. Hearing about it was one thing, but it became a problem when he started to bring “women” home… and my room shared a wall with his. I remember him walking up the stairs with a girl tailing behind him that looked particularly young. They disappeared into his room where he pumped house music and cracked open a bottle of wine. Time went by and she threw up on the floor. He was reassuring her how ‘accidents happen’ and how looking after her reminded him of looking after his son. I couldn’t stand it so I disappeared downstairs to the kitchen where a few other tenants were sat chatting. I joined them. Mason then came down for a bucket and a mop where he began to make fun of this poor girl and somehow brag about how gross it was that she threw up. It was a complete switch up from the caring facade that he held moments ago.
It was now a while after and he was still seeing her. Mason would still overshare his experiences with her and explained his bizarre love for toxic relationships, power imbalances and manipulation. Specifically about how he would draw woman in till desperation, just for him to keep them at arms length. It made things even more sad when I saw a present from that girl on the kitchen bench. It had a letter attached to it, and I sneakily took a look. It was heartbreaking skimming through her handwritten card until I got to a part where she was thanking Mason for making her 18th birthday ‘so special’…
He is 40+ and his son who lives in the house is older than her…
After he got tired of his fling with her, he began targeting one of the housemates in her early 20s. He made comments to the male tenants on his desire to sleep with her and started to give her ‘special treatment’, which she did not enjoy. She started to give him the silent treatment which he would often complain to me about- ‘I’ve done all this for her and she ignores me?’…’I see her like the daughter I never had.’
Over my two-year stay, he raised my rent above the legal limit, screamed at me when I had asked for my main light to be fixed after being broken for well-over 6 months, shamed me for how ‘horrible’ my crying sounded in-front if all my housemates after I found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer, knocking at my door at random times to entrap me in lengthy rants about his tenants, and the list goes on.
I finally gave in my two weeks notice. My partner and I had booked a trip during the lead up to my move-out date, but we would be back to move my belongings. I had sent a very well prepared email confirming all my notice details and provided the appropriate payment for the days that extended beyond the usual fortnightly rent. My partner and I were traveling back from our trip when I received a message at 11pm the night before my final day that I had payed for. This was the first time Mason had reached out to clarify details, and was now asking me when I would be moving out tomorrow, as he had the new tenant moving it at lunch… We replied about how I had no obligation to vacate the premise till 12PM the following night since I provided adequate payment for that day. This was clearly outlined in my email which I had 10+ people review since I didn’t want to run into this exact issue whilst moving out. Before he could reply, we deleted the message app so we could prepared for the big move the following day without further stress from his inappropriately timed messages.
The next day we got in early and began moving my already packed belongings. It was all going well until Mason began following me around the house repeating my name over and over to get my attention, even though I had no interest in engaging in conversation. I snapped and told him I would only want to talk if he spoke to me more respectfully. Mason then laughed and ran up to his room where he began to have a very-public and over-the-top phone conversation with the new tenant. He was smiling at me through the door way whilst was making snarky remarks at my ‘unwillingness to move out’…. Even though I had provided payment and my email stated that I had the day to move. My partner rushed back into the house when he heard things got heated, and Mason was now at the top of the stairs screaming at me about how I am crazy. My partner had enough and told him to ‘shut the fuck up’. Mason stopped and replied ‘excuse me’ in a slow manner whilst laughing. With 2 heavy boxes still in his hands, my partner climbed the stair case toward him and integrated him- ‘Is it really appropriate to be contacting your tenants outside of business hours?’… ‘Do you think it is acceptable to send you tenants messages at 11PM concerning a matter that is to take place the following day?’
He didn’t have an answer for a single question. He was just trying to pick apart my notice email for details that ‘I had gotten wrong’ and even offered a refund for the day we had paid for.
My partner cut him off, ‘We are done having this conversation and we will be out of the house as soon as we have all of her belongings.’
It was during this whole ordeal, that I also found out that a viewing of over 70 people took place whilst I was away and Mason did not disclose the date or time he had planned to gain access to my room which still had my belongings in it.
Things got a chance to cool down while we finishing up and I decided to end things on a more positive note while returning the keys. I politely thanked him for letting me rent my room for the last two years and wished him the best. He then tried to catch me up in a last conversation about how he ‘looked after me’. I just said a bunch of ‘yeps’ and nods during his spiel and that was that.
I don’t think there will ever be enough words to fully encapsulate every experience within this house, but that is something I need to accept and move on from. As much as I wanted to, I was unable to moved due to a local housing crisis. The rent I was paying at the time was affordable in comparison to all the rental listings that shot up shortly after I initially moved in.
Please excuse any spelling errors and thank you for taking the time to read about my experience.
2024.05.06 06:55 Traditional-Peak-523 I genuinely feel like I have lost my life because of grief
When I was 10 my mom passed from cancer and my dad and her had already separated and he basically abandoned me at that point so I kinda lost them both at the same time. Have lived w my grandparents since I was 5 due to my parents being unfit but they were around until the incident. I remember laying in bed next to my grandma after my moms death praying to god to take me to heaven just to be w her. So young not even realizing that was severe depression w suicidal ideation. I supressed the grief for a super long time. I think I successfully supressed it by age 13 bc i remember looking at pics of my mom crying my eyes out over “nothing” and feeling nothing when I looked at her pics. Nvr really thinking twice ab the fact I didn’t have her or my dad. But last year I saw my dad for the first time in like 9 years and it unsupressed it to say the least. I spent like 6 months just swallowed in grief of remembering what I lost and not being able to cope. Thinking ab it constantly and i actually had a ton of supressed memories resurface during that time. I got so depressed n suicidal I started iop bc I was genuinely scared of taking my own life. It eventually passed but I did the iop and it didn’t really help much. It was a great place w a ton of potential for ppl but it was really sad to me I didn’t get much out of it. It made me think how I’ve done therapy my whole life and it never helped. Nothing did. I feel so doomed I can’t ever see myself recovering only getting worse and eventually losing life to it. I’ve feared my grandparents death since my mom died. Never bonded w family honestly ruined any familial relationships I did have by just completely isolating for years. Try to reach out sometimes but it seems everyone just grew up w/o me and I don’t really fit in anymore. Besides it’s not like I have my parents here to help me bond w my family it’s just kinda me there. I just feel like I’m stuck in trauma mode and as old as I’ve gotten and as long as I’ve beeen this way I want to see myself do better but I don’t have it in me. So physically exhausted. Loosing both parents at 10 and then living until now in almost always a depressive state is enough struggle for me I just am not strong enough. Not gonna take my life anytime soon I’m gonna give it until my grandparents go but once they do I’m truly horrified of what will come after. Anyways yeah this is for grief being a life ruiner smh. If any had been here and has any advice it would be much appreciated. Good night
submitted by Traditional-Peak-523 to GriefSupport [link] [comments]
2024.05.06 06:52 lalanaca Friend’s car door damaged after i closed it, pls advise
Last weekend, i spent some time at a festival in a park with a (newish) friend, let's call her shelby, her 2 kids and my daughter.
Her daughter wanted to say 'bye to mine and we went around to her side of the car, which was open since her mom had helped her get into the carseat; Shelby got into the driver's seat, so after our daughters bid each other farewell, I tried to shut the door. Turns out it was stuck because it had opened into a slopey piece of someone's front yard. I told her she might need to pull up a bit for the door to close, and she said (in a not nice tone of voice, just lift it. I tried to, but when I shut it, I noticed a piece of the bottom of the door (imagine a bumper that runs along the bottom of the door) had started to detach. I told her, and she immediately jumped on me: "You broke my door?" She got out and said (again, extremely pissed and a bit unhinged) she didn't think it was safe to drive with the piece hanging off the car.
I started to panic, offered to call AAA, she dismissed it, and got out of the car and was quite pissed off. I texted my friend (whose street we parked on) to see if she could send her husband out; he works on a van as a hobby, so I figured he would probably have some sound advice.
He came out and suggested she remove the piece that was hanging entirely; he proceeded to reach out and grab it to pull it off, and one of the tabs connecting it to the door indeed broke.
This is a newer car (2022, Hyundai SUV).
I got sucked into feeling like it was my fault that the door had broken; when I got home, I wrote her a text and apologized, saying I'd help her research where to fix it and help pay for the repair. I did some research Monday morning (looked to see if the part was at a local junkyard; of course not, given how new the car is).
(FYI, I ran the story by a few friends after it happened, and they were horrified she was blaming me and insisted I owed her nothing.)
When I texted her Monday to report I hadn't found the part at the local junkyard, she responded saying, "Oh babe you don't have to worry about my car. Leave it with me. No worries at all. It was an accident and I was just panicking but listen this is on me. Just buy me a drink tomorrow" (She was going out with a mutual friend of ours).
I let her know that I couldn't make it that day but would buy her a drink next time I saw her.
Then she appears again this weekend via text saying she'd gotten quotes, and it was going to cost $600 to fix and she couldn't afford it.
She even went as far as saying she would be open to me sending her money on a payment plan in monthly installments. what... the... actual... f. She also said she would be happy to go through insurance (which doesn't seem to make any sense since we all know the deductible will be at least $500).
Several ppl suggested blocking her but that's not really my style. I may consider that if we didn't have a mutual close friend .. she also has my address since I had invited her and her daughters over for a playdate (lesson learned).
Wise people of Reddit, what would you do?
TLDR: I was trying to close a friend's car door, a part of it came loose, she's blaming me and wants money from me. My options are bascially to give her some money, and cut her out of my life entirely, or give her no money, and do the same. (I observed some questionable behavior in the days leading up to the event and this sealed the deal for me, I don't need this unstable person in my life AT ALL.)
submitted by lalanaca to needadvice [link] [comments]
Her daughter wanted to say 'bye to mine and we went around to her side of the car, which was open since her mom had helped her get into the carseat; Shelby got into the driver's seat, so after our daughters bid each other farewell, I tried to shut the door. Turns out it was stuck because it had opened into a slopey piece of someone's front yard. I told her she might need to pull up a bit for the door to close, and she said (in a not nice tone of voice, just lift it. I tried to, but when I shut it, I noticed a piece of the bottom of the door (imagine a bumper that runs along the bottom of the door) had started to detach. I told her, and she immediately jumped on me: "You broke my door?" She got out and said (again, extremely pissed and a bit unhinged) she didn't think it was safe to drive with the piece hanging off the car.
I started to panic, offered to call AAA, she dismissed it, and got out of the car and was quite pissed off. I texted my friend (whose street we parked on) to see if she could send her husband out; he works on a van as a hobby, so I figured he would probably have some sound advice.
He came out and suggested she remove the piece that was hanging entirely; he proceeded to reach out and grab it to pull it off, and one of the tabs connecting it to the door indeed broke.
This is a newer car (2022, Hyundai SUV).
I got sucked into feeling like it was my fault that the door had broken; when I got home, I wrote her a text and apologized, saying I'd help her research where to fix it and help pay for the repair. I did some research Monday morning (looked to see if the part was at a local junkyard; of course not, given how new the car is).
(FYI, I ran the story by a few friends after it happened, and they were horrified she was blaming me and insisted I owed her nothing.)
When I texted her Monday to report I hadn't found the part at the local junkyard, she responded saying, "Oh babe you don't have to worry about my car. Leave it with me. No worries at all. It was an accident and I was just panicking but listen this is on me. Just buy me a drink tomorrow" (She was going out with a mutual friend of ours).
I let her know that I couldn't make it that day but would buy her a drink next time I saw her.
Then she appears again this weekend via text saying she'd gotten quotes, and it was going to cost $600 to fix and she couldn't afford it.
She even went as far as saying she would be open to me sending her money on a payment plan in monthly installments. what... the... actual... f. She also said she would be happy to go through insurance (which doesn't seem to make any sense since we all know the deductible will be at least $500).
Several ppl suggested blocking her but that's not really my style. I may consider that if we didn't have a mutual close friend .. she also has my address since I had invited her and her daughters over for a playdate (lesson learned).
Wise people of Reddit, what would you do?
TLDR: I was trying to close a friend's car door, a part of it came loose, she's blaming me and wants money from me. My options are bascially to give her some money, and cut her out of my life entirely, or give her no money, and do the same. (I observed some questionable behavior in the days leading up to the event and this sealed the deal for me, I don't need this unstable person in my life AT ALL.)
2024.05.06 06:47 Sweaty-Inevitable463 Did we breakup?
F 23 M 23
I'm so confused, my boyfriend of 5 years went away for work was supposed to be FIFO But he stayed "cause he couldn't" come back with work etc.. part of his family lives there too I'm fine with understanding all this with new jobs and bust life and interactive family
But he's not much of a texted we had some issues recently that he never wanted to discuss with me or said it was pointless to even bring it up and I was just being toxic and narcissistic and even call me a gaslighter
I helped him get where he is , I stuck with him though alot he doesn't give me the love or support I give to him back ..
I still stayed though so much when I should of left ...I'm rambling/venting...
I thought he might of committed to his word and this time it would be different that he would do what he said .. as soon as he got there and off the train he ignored me being tired and busy .. I understood that I gave him day and a bit .. he was responding barely but he was .. (he's a shhhhittt texted at least to me(lesser importance )
We have bills together and had plans together of course right... I want closure... he's my favourite person I wanted his attention I wanted to be loved *cringe i know i shouldnt of but I invested into his life I helped him with anything I could , I turned into his mother I hated myself for it But
His traits are very well know to me , sadly but I guess good he's a very bad liar /massive gaslight and I stuck with him ..
He has good too bad I haven't seen that lately
End of last year is when the really bad issues started plus him leaving didn't help but we were happy sad but happy .. I was meant to move there with him but he hasn't spoke to me till the 9th of April .. and was barely there prior. I only thought /I'm assuming always in the back of my mind it was for money but I never thought... I was just a pawn and he would so quickly discard me when he got all of me ..
We share banks , I had some issues with spammers so it logged him out which I didn't mind cause he took alot without me knowing .. we share bills and all that sometimes halves or I'll get this one you do next time.. He doesn't save or budget
He needed money for a event he went to I think it was 6 days no contact and then he said hey baby hru I love etc.. the bill got paid and I needed the money I postponed it and it took my money and something else that you bought on my card popped up so i checked my transaction i sent him the money due to my card not working.. I hate myself but I checked it and he lied to me and I said show me you bank he said no and said are you not giving me the money then and I said no .. I have my bills I have to pay for and your supposed to be saving not going out clubbing etc.. he's like I need to make friends don't I? ..I honestly don't know if I'm the problem or what red flags I am .. but he stomped on my heart and broke my trust few months prior but I don't wanna be issues break up I wanted to try and there I was trying again so many chances but he always says I was the bringer of issues or unneeding fights etc.. he just never wanted to talk or listen to me trying to express my feelings he said it wasn't needing and pointless but it was pointfull to me...
He was mature we both was I am especially but he just ... idk yeah I'm saving him again
We share our locations , banks and we have our information shared to eachothers phones ..
He stopped responding to me , text, snap fb He doesn't look at my messages anymore that stopped on the 9th he used to look but no respond ..
I gave him space after 2 weeks I had nothing .. I wanted closure , I wanted facts and answers I wrote to him and nothing .. he killed our streak (not that big of a deal but it was a first that he did give effort to, biggest we got ) I restore it now .. just encase we are together and we're having a break till he needs me hahaha it'd my birthday soon he said he would come ages ago for what it feels like... he got time off to go to a thing in another city around and on my bday , I found closure when I logged into his account I needed answers I wasn't going to go crazy or freak out I just wanted to know ...
But I still don't know is it just me overthining and assuming I cut back on it but idk ..
He's been texting others which is okay he's been poorly flirting and I discovered he got tinder and all that from his transaction on his bank ...yet I still stayed and tried to be there for him so someone stayed for him but with the separation I'm better ,I'm sad but that comes in waves .....but I'm feeling myself and I haven't for awhile , I get told I'm glowing
I feel like we are over and he's just amusing me but that's alot of effort which he has stopped .. I just wanted him to tell me
What's the point of this assay I guess to vent , advice do I still be there for him do I stop doing the little things for him and kill the streak too the little things are important I know it's stupid ..
I wanted things to work out .. all the shit there was good and all the in-between I knew him and all his ins and outs .. I opened myself up and wasn't judge I felt safe .. I think I'm just holding on because I got to be my inner self
I don't wanna go though the process again .. I had a dream and a plan I honest don't like the idea of going out/dating or people all that much in sense of a relationship people always leaves me .. no matter what I do
I'm either too nice ,too quite too caring so many excuses they give me ..
I don't care upon how much f*ck ups there was or is tell me the truth ,don't lie to me iam not leaving or going to judge you i just wanna know you / the truth is what I voiced to him and did I let things slide ...
I'm in limbo
I'm processing this as we have broke up but my heart still hopes (stupidly )
sorry if this doesn't fit here
submitted by Sweaty-Inevitable463 to ToxicRelationships [link] [comments]
I'm so confused, my boyfriend of 5 years went away for work was supposed to be FIFO But he stayed "cause he couldn't" come back with work etc.. part of his family lives there too I'm fine with understanding all this with new jobs and bust life and interactive family
But he's not much of a texted we had some issues recently that he never wanted to discuss with me or said it was pointless to even bring it up and I was just being toxic and narcissistic and even call me a gaslighter
I helped him get where he is , I stuck with him though alot he doesn't give me the love or support I give to him back ..
I still stayed though so much when I should of left ...I'm rambling/venting...
I thought he might of committed to his word and this time it would be different that he would do what he said .. as soon as he got there and off the train he ignored me being tired and busy .. I understood that I gave him day and a bit .. he was responding barely but he was .. (he's a shhhhittt texted at least to me(lesser importance )
We have bills together and had plans together of course right... I want closure... he's my favourite person I wanted his attention I wanted to be loved *cringe i know i shouldnt of but I invested into his life I helped him with anything I could , I turned into his mother I hated myself for it But
His traits are very well know to me , sadly but I guess good he's a very bad liar /massive gaslight and I stuck with him ..
He has good too bad I haven't seen that lately
End of last year is when the really bad issues started plus him leaving didn't help but we were happy sad but happy .. I was meant to move there with him but he hasn't spoke to me till the 9th of April .. and was barely there prior. I only thought /I'm assuming always in the back of my mind it was for money but I never thought... I was just a pawn and he would so quickly discard me when he got all of me ..
We share banks , I had some issues with spammers so it logged him out which I didn't mind cause he took alot without me knowing .. we share bills and all that sometimes halves or I'll get this one you do next time.. He doesn't save or budget
He needed money for a event he went to I think it was 6 days no contact and then he said hey baby hru I love etc.. the bill got paid and I needed the money I postponed it and it took my money and something else that you bought on my card popped up so i checked my transaction i sent him the money due to my card not working.. I hate myself but I checked it and he lied to me and I said show me you bank he said no and said are you not giving me the money then and I said no .. I have my bills I have to pay for and your supposed to be saving not going out clubbing etc.. he's like I need to make friends don't I? ..I honestly don't know if I'm the problem or what red flags I am .. but he stomped on my heart and broke my trust few months prior but I don't wanna be issues break up I wanted to try and there I was trying again so many chances but he always says I was the bringer of issues or unneeding fights etc.. he just never wanted to talk or listen to me trying to express my feelings he said it wasn't needing and pointless but it was pointfull to me...
He was mature we both was I am especially but he just ... idk yeah I'm saving him again
We share our locations , banks and we have our information shared to eachothers phones ..
He stopped responding to me , text, snap fb He doesn't look at my messages anymore that stopped on the 9th he used to look but no respond ..
I gave him space after 2 weeks I had nothing .. I wanted closure , I wanted facts and answers I wrote to him and nothing .. he killed our streak (not that big of a deal but it was a first that he did give effort to, biggest we got ) I restore it now .. just encase we are together and we're having a break till he needs me hahaha it'd my birthday soon he said he would come ages ago for what it feels like... he got time off to go to a thing in another city around and on my bday , I found closure when I logged into his account I needed answers I wasn't going to go crazy or freak out I just wanted to know ...
But I still don't know is it just me overthining and assuming I cut back on it but idk ..
He's been texting others which is okay he's been poorly flirting and I discovered he got tinder and all that from his transaction on his bank ...yet I still stayed and tried to be there for him so someone stayed for him but with the separation I'm better ,I'm sad but that comes in waves .....but I'm feeling myself and I haven't for awhile , I get told I'm glowing
I feel like we are over and he's just amusing me but that's alot of effort which he has stopped .. I just wanted him to tell me
What's the point of this assay I guess to vent , advice do I still be there for him do I stop doing the little things for him and kill the streak too the little things are important I know it's stupid ..
I wanted things to work out .. all the shit there was good and all the in-between I knew him and all his ins and outs .. I opened myself up and wasn't judge I felt safe .. I think I'm just holding on because I got to be my inner self
I don't wanna go though the process again .. I had a dream and a plan I honest don't like the idea of going out/dating or people all that much in sense of a relationship people always leaves me .. no matter what I do
I'm either too nice ,too quite too caring so many excuses they give me ..
I don't care upon how much f*ck ups there was or is tell me the truth ,don't lie to me iam not leaving or going to judge you i just wanna know you / the truth is what I voiced to him and did I let things slide ...
I'm in limbo
I'm processing this as we have broke up but my heart still hopes (stupidly )
sorry if this doesn't fit here
2024.05.06 06:44 ResponsibilitySad331 A Victim of Online Fiction - Ch13: My guide
I realise a lot of people on here don’t know about The Village. Well… imagine Prison, Disneyland and a University party thrown into a blender with a little pinch of desperation thrown in for taste. That is The Village.
And my guide to this magical pimple of a place introduced himself by driving his motorbike through my front window.
I’m not sure what woke me up first – the roar of the engine, the gentle tinkling of glass as it smashed into my new refrigerator, or the nasal Australian ‘G’day’ that was called out to me.
I sat up in bed, heart thumping, and grabbed the closest thing to a weapon I could find – a shitty plastic bedside lamp. I walked out there holding the lamp in front of me like a mace.
‘Hello?’ I called out.
The light switched on, blinding me and I heard a distinctively Australian scream.
‘God mate, put some clothes on. You got ya willy hanging out and everything.’
I blinked in the light, in front of me stood a leather-clad, very stylish dude about my age who was trying very hard to keep his eyes on my face.
‘Who are you?’ I mumbled, the air had a chill to it, and when I looked around I saw bits of my window embedded in one wall, ‘You drove through my window!?!’
‘Yeah mate,’ the guy winked, ‘First rule I’m gonna teach you is that if you’re not a good writer you have to do some pretty crazy shit here to stand out and attract attention from the good writers so they’ll help fund your lifestyle,’ Manuel held up his hands, they didn’t have the computer-key-callouses that mine did, ‘I am not a good writer,’ he said.
‘The window…’
He brushed a piece of glass off his leather jacket, ‘Don’t worry - Al-Dog showed me how many views your stories have. You can afford it.’
I groaned, ‘Man I’m trying to get out of this hellhole. The more money I spend on fixing windows the less I have to... hey, what are you doing?’
Manuel was getting back on his motorbike, he pointed to my room, ‘You go back in there, you get some party clothes, and you come with me, we’ve got a long night ahead of us.’
I went to open my mouth but nothing came out. I guess the shock of having a biker drive through my front window in the middle of the night and the fact I was only half awake had dulled my mind.
‘I don’t have party clothes,’ I said eventually, ‘I’m just gonna...’
‘...you’re just gonna go back in there and look in your wardrobe. Al-Dog gave me money for important stuff. And believe me, you wouldn’t have made a good first impression showing up to the party naked.’
I stumbled back into the room and found a closet filled with dress-shirts, chinos, and high-end coats. I swallowed when I saw them, just imagining the damage they would’ve made to my bank account.
But they fitted well... so well that I decided someone at Crusher Media must’ve written down my shirt sizes when I’d arrived.
I threw on a patterned shirt, black pants and shoes – which took a lot longer than usual as I hadn’t worn anything on my feet since I entered Crusher Prison.
We rode Manuel’s motorbike back through the window and roared along the streets of The Village. The houses blurred by like I was on a ghost train.
We pulled up outside a mansion in a screech of rubber. Manuel parked the bike between two marble Greek statues.
‘What? Not gonna ride through this guy’s window as well?’
Manuel just shook his head, ‘These guys would kill me.’
‘Hmm... so that’s where I went wrong.’
Music was pumping from inside and a bunch of people in their early 20s were drinking wine on the marble steps. Manuel turned to me.
‘Before we go in I need you to know something.’
I stared at him so he continued, ‘Say it after me... I am a nobody.’
‘Manuel, you are a nobody.’
‘Are you stupid?’
‘No. I’m just messing with ya.’ I pulled a packet of chips from my shirt and popped it open.
‘Eli. You are a no-’
Crunch
His sentence broke in half, ‘Mate. Did you just eat a chip? While I was talking to you?’
I nodded, ‘You were saying I’m a nobody.’
‘Exactly,’ he was getting annoyed, ‘Dude. I’m your guide to this place. Why are you acting up?’
I crunched on another chip, ‘Look Manuel, maybe you’re a good guy. Maybe you genuinely believed driving a motorbike through the front window of my house was a good idea. Maybe you’re going to show me a secret tunnel you’ve dug in the basement of this mansion that we can crawl through to a waiting aeroplane that’s ready to take us to the Australian Outback where we can go hug some koalas and forget about all the messed up shit that goes on in this place.’ I put a hand on his shoulder, ‘Maybe you’re a good guy Manuel – but up till this point everyone in this prison who isn’t a writer has shat on me.’
Manuel stared at me, his voice softened, ‘Wow. Sound like you’ve been through some trauma mate.’
‘You wouldn’t believe half of it.’
One of his arms wrapped around me, ‘Eli. Buddy. I need you to forget all that stuff. This place...’ he spread his hand out over The Village, ‘This place is heaven on earth my man. No, wait, it’s better than heaven because it’s got alcohol, it’s got drugs, and there’s no one telling you what to do.’
‘Except you.’
‘Ahh... but I’m a guide. And Eli. It’s time for the best night of your life.’
****
Bach, the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Billie Eilish and Bob Marley alternated on the speakers that thumped around the house.
By the front door, a circle of romance writers wearing knitwear and white tees with quotes on them sat discussing the best dates they’d been on.
Clustered around a couch playing Mario Cart, Minecraft, and talking about the best paths to level up a character were the LitRPG writers. We climbed the stairs where a group of crime fiction writers dressed in large trenchcoats and black scarves were arguing over the best way to get away with homicide. At the top of the stairs, Manuel put a hand to my chest and stopped me. He pointed to a guy wearing japanese-style clothing who was standing on the edge of the balcony.
‘Watch this.’ Manuel said.
The guy took a few steps backwards, then sprinted towards the balcony rail, leapt off it, did a double backflip – then landed in the indoor pool – almost smashing his head open on the side of it.
‘What does he write?’ I asked.
Manuel stared at the guy as he swam a victory lap.
‘Isekai.’
We moved along the balcony to a couch near the drinks table with a great window view of a group of wuxia and anime-style writers who were Nauruto-running their way across the lawn.
‘Huh.’ I said, ‘This party has someone for everyone.’
Manuel looked away from the group of chicks he’d been checking out, ‘Yeah buddy. This is a writer’s paradise.’
‘Cool. Now, where do I find angry, disillusioned, Crusher Media hating writers?’
Manuel just smiled, ‘Nowhere Eli. They don’t exist.’ He put a beer in my hand, ‘Get out there. Meet some people. I’m done babysitting.’
My guide stood, straightened his collar, and headed for the drinks table.
I sat there for a while, just people watching, drinking beer and munching on my chips. I had to shake my head. These are the people. These are the people that created the worlds I’d lived in all those years I’d been a reader.
A woman in a red dress placed a tray of sushi in front of me.
‘Hey.’ She lifted her eyes to meet mine, ‘You must be new.’
‘Hey.’ I said, ‘How’d you know?’
She tilted her head towards Manuel, ‘You’ve had the leecher hanging off you like a bad smell.’
That made me laugh.
‘You want some sushi?’ she said, moving a ball of rice into her mouth with chopsticks so elegantly I knew I had no hope of ever replicating the manoeuvrer.
I smiled, ‘I’ve... well...’ I lifted the second packet of chicken chips I’d brought, ‘I’ve got all the food I need right here.’
She frowned at the bag, picked a chip out with her chopsticks and crunched down on it, ‘Mmmh. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a good chip. But why the hell you only eating them for? Is this some weird new diet?’
I shook my head and she let out a sigh.
‘Good, because heaps of authors get into these weird trendy diet things – they think eating fish and beans will help them write for longer. They think if you mix kale and spinach into a smoothie it’ll make you a writing god.’
I shook my head, ‘Believe me – the only thing that kale and spinach change are your taste buds and the smell of your shit.’
The woman in red laughed loudly and patted me on the back, ‘You’re a funny guy.’
Then the romance writers made the LitRPG writers move their couch and TV, the Wuxia writers shifted chairs and tables away from the entrance to create a large open space in front of the door. A couple of fantasy writers shifted the speakers so they were facing the open space, while the crime writers smoked cigarettes and did their best to look shady. The Isekai writer climbed along the ceiling with a disco ball slung over his back. He attached the disco ball then dropped to the floor and rolled. Everyone clapped.
‘Oh my god,’ I turned to the woman in red, the music was loud so I had to shout, ‘Now... I’ve got a confession to make. I hate this place and I hate Crusher Media with every fibre of my being, but...’ I shook my head and took a swig of beer, then placed it down in the pile of empty bottles by my feet, ‘...I have a weakness for dancing.’
‘Huh?’ she said, ‘You like dancing?’
‘I love dancing. It’s like my second favourite thing after pissing people who work for Crusher Media off and reading.’
‘That’s two things, Eli.’
‘Huh?’
‘You said second... oh never mind. Go. Dance. Unleash yourself. You’ve been through some shit man.’
‘You gonna come?’
She winked, ‘I’ll see you down there.’
So I left her there with my packet of chicken chips and descended the stairs to the dance floor.
Now I’m not a good dancer, so I’m not going to embarrass myself with descriptions of my awkward spinning and leaping and shaking of limbs. But no one seemed to care. Everyone was drunk enough and happy enough that enthusiasm was all you needed.
The Isekai guy was back on the ceiling again, hanging off a wooden beam with one hand. He raised his other hand to his mouth and shouted above the music, ‘This world is shit!’
Everyone on the dance floor raised their hands to their mouth, ‘This world is shit!’
The Isekai guy grinned, ‘But this party is lit!’
I raised my hands to my mouth and screamed at the top of my lungs, ‘BUT THIS PARTY IS LIT!’ And a guy in a trenchcoat and a girl in a tee with quotes on it wrapped their arms around my shoulders and it felt so good. Someone poured champagne straight into my mouth, then I walked wobbly-legged up the stairs to see if I could find the woman in red. A song by Avicii was banging on the speakers.
There were a few couples making out on the balcony, but I couldn’t see the woman in red. I tripped over a beer bottle and then laughed at how nothing hurt and my stomach was full and I was so happy.
I crawled over to the window and pushed it open. The cold night air felt nice on my face and I decided I wanted more.
Clumsily, I climbed through the window and rolled down the roofing tiles. I came to a stop at the gutter – just before the edge. That made me giggle – ‘Woah, you almost Isekaied yourself just then.’
I climbed on my hands and knees along the roof until I could sit comfortably. There were stars in the sky – real stars – and they reminded me of everything I’d left behind underground. I thought about Astra. How much she’d love to see them and I thought about her face when I’d first seen it, and the pull-top earrings and smashing my shitty tablet to get glow in the dark liquid. Then I pulled my knees to my chest and I started to cry.
My guide
I realise a lot of people on here don’t know about The Village. Well… imagine Prison, Disneyland and a University party thrown into a blender with a little pinch of desperation thrown in for taste. That is The Village.
And my guide to this magical pimple of a place introduced himself by driving his motorbike through my front window.
I’m not sure what woke me up first – the roar of the engine, the gentle tinkling of glass as it smashed into my new refrigerator, or the nasal Australian ‘G’day’ that was called out to me.
I sat up in bed, heart thumping, and grabbed the closest thing to a weapon I could find – a shitty plastic bedside lamp. I walked out there holding the lamp in front of me like a mace.
‘Hello?’ I called out.
The light switched on, blinding me and I heard a distinctively Australian scream.
‘God mate, put some clothes on. You got ya willy hanging out and everything.’
I blinked in the light, in front of me stood a leather-clad, very stylish dude about my age who was trying very hard to keep his eyes on my face.
‘Who are you?’ I mumbled, the air had a chill to it, and when I looked around I saw bits of my window embedded in one wall, ‘You drove through my window!?!’
‘Yeah mate,’ the guy winked, ‘First rule I’m gonna teach you is that if you’re not a good writer you have to do some pretty crazy shit here to stand out and attract attention from the good writers so they’ll help fund your lifestyle,’ Manuel held up his hands, they didn’t have the computer-key-callouses that mine did, ‘I am not a good writer,’ he said.
‘The window…’
He brushed a piece of glass off his leather jacket, ‘Don’t worry - Al-Dog showed me how many views your stories have. You can afford it.’
I groaned, ‘Man I’m trying to get out of this hellhole. The more money I spend on fixing windows the less I have to... hey, what are you doing?’
Manuel was getting back on his motorbike, he pointed to my room, ‘You go back in there, you get some party clothes, and you come with me, we’ve got a long night ahead of us.’
I went to open my mouth but nothing came out. I guess the shock of having a biker drive through my front window in the middle of the night and the fact I was only half awake had dulled my mind.
‘I don’t have party clothes,’ I said eventually, ‘I’m just gonna...’
‘...you’re just gonna go back in there and look in your wardrobe. Al-Dog gave me money for important stuff. And believe me, you wouldn’t have made a good first impression showing up to the party naked.’
I stumbled back into the room and found a closet filled with dress-shirts, chinos, and high-end coats. I swallowed when I saw them, just imagining the damage they would’ve made to my bank account.
But they fitted well... so well that I decided someone at Crusher Media must’ve written down my shirt sizes when I’d arrived.
I threw on a patterned shirt, black pants and shoes – which took a lot longer than usual as I hadn’t worn anything on my feet since I entered Crusher Prison.
We rode Manuel’s motorbike back through the window and roared along the streets of The Village. The houses blurred by like I was on a ghost train.
We pulled up outside a mansion in a screech of rubber. Manuel parked the bike between two marble Greek statues.
‘What? Not gonna ride through this guy’s window as well?’
Manuel just shook his head, ‘These guys would kill me.’
‘Hmm... so that’s where I went wrong.’
Music was pumping from inside and a bunch of people in their early 20s were drinking wine on the marble steps. Manuel turned to me.
‘Before we go in I need you to know something.’
I stared at him so he continued, ‘Say it after me... I am a nobody.’
‘Manuel, you are a nobody.’
‘Are you stupid?’
‘No. I’m just messing with ya.’ I pulled a packet of chips from my shirt and popped it open.
‘Eli. You are a no-’
Crunch
His sentence broke in half, ‘Mate. Did you just eat a chip? While I was talking to you?’
I nodded, ‘You were saying I’m a nobody.’
‘Exactly,’ he was getting annoyed, ‘Dude. I’m your guide to this place. Why are you acting up?’
I crunched on another chip, ‘Look Manuel, maybe you’re a good guy. Maybe you genuinely believed driving a motorbike through the front window of my house was a good idea. Maybe you’re going to show me a secret tunnel you’ve dug in the basement of this mansion that we can crawl through to a waiting aeroplane that’s ready to take us to the Australian Outback where we can go hug some koalas and forget about all the messed up shit that goes on in this place.’ I put a hand on his shoulder, ‘Maybe you’re a good guy Manuel – but up till this point everyone in this prison who isn’t a writer has shat on me.’
Manuel stared at me, his voice softened, ‘Wow. Sound like you’ve been through some trauma mate.’
‘You wouldn’t believe half of it.’
One of his arms wrapped around me, ‘Eli. Buddy. I need you to forget all that stuff. This place...’ he spread his hand out over The Village, ‘This place is heaven on earth my man. No, wait, it’s better than heaven because it’s got alcohol, it’s got drugs, and there’s no one telling you what to do.’
‘Except you.’
‘Ahh... but I’m a guide. And Eli. It’s time for the best night of your life.’
****
Bach, the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Billie Eilish and Bob Marley alternated on the speakers that thumped around the house.
By the front door, a circle of romance writers wearing knitwear and white tees with quotes on them sat discussing the best dates they’d been on.
Clustered around a couch playing Mario Cart, Minecraft, and talking about the best paths to level up a character were the LitRPG writers. We climbed the stairs where a group of crime fiction writers dressed in large trenchcoats and black scarves were arguing over the best way to get away with homicide. At the top of the stairs, Manuel put a hand to my chest and stopped me. He pointed to a guy wearing japanese-style clothing who was standing on the edge of the balcony.
‘Watch this.’ Manuel said.
The guy took a few steps backwards, then sprinted towards the balcony rail, leapt off it, did a double backflip – then landed in the indoor pool – almost smashing his head open on the side of it.
‘What does he write?’ I asked.
Manuel stared at the guy as he swam a victory lap.
‘Isekai.’
We moved along the balcony to a couch near the drinks table with a great window view of a group of wuxia and anime-style writers who were Nauruto-running their way across the lawn.
‘Huh.’ I said, ‘This party has someone for everyone.’
Manuel looked away from the group of chicks he’d been checking out, ‘Yeah buddy. This is a writer’s paradise.’
‘Cool. Now, where do I find angry, disillusioned, Crusher Media hating writers?’
Manuel just smiled, ‘Nowhere Eli. They don’t exist.’ He put a beer in my hand, ‘Get out there. Meet some people. I’m done babysitting.’
My guide stood, straightened his collar, and headed for the drinks table.
I sat there for a while, just people watching, drinking beer and munching on my chips. I had to shake my head. These are the people. These are the people that created the worlds I’d lived in all those years I’d been a reader.
A woman in a red dress placed a tray of sushi in front of me.
‘Hey.’ She lifted her eyes to meet mine, ‘You must be new.’
‘Hey.’ I said, ‘How’d you know?’
She tilted her head towards Manuel, ‘You’ve had the leecher hanging off you like a bad smell.’
That made me laugh.
‘You want some sushi?’ she said, moving a ball of rice into her mouth with chopsticks so elegantly I knew I had no hope of ever replicating the manoeuvrer.
I smiled, ‘I’ve... well...’ I lifted the second packet of chicken chips I’d brought, ‘I’ve got all the food I need right here.’
She frowned at the bag, picked a chip out with her chopsticks and crunched down on it, ‘Mmmh. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a good chip. But why the hell you only eating them for? Is this some weird new diet?’
I shook my head and she let out a sigh.
‘Good, because heaps of authors get into these weird trendy diet things – they think eating fish and beans will help them write for longer. They think if you mix kale and spinach into a smoothie it’ll make you a writing god.’
I shook my head, ‘Believe me – the only thing that kale and spinach change are your taste buds and the smell of your shit.’
The woman in red laughed loudly and patted me on the back, ‘You’re a funny guy.’
Then the romance writers made the LitRPG writers move their couch and TV, the Wuxia writers shifted chairs and tables away from the entrance to create a large open space in front of the door. A couple of fantasy writers shifted the speakers so they were facing the open space, while the crime writers smoked cigarettes and did their best to look shady. The Isekai writer climbed along the ceiling with a disco ball slung over his back. He attached the disco ball then dropped to the floor and rolled. Everyone clapped.
‘Oh my god,’ I turned to the woman in red, the music was loud so I had to shout, ‘Now... I’ve got a confession to make. I hate this place and I hate Crusher Media with every fibre of my being, but...’ I shook my head and took a swig of beer, then placed it down in the pile of empty bottles by my feet, ‘...I have a weakness for dancing.’
‘Huh?’ she said, ‘You like dancing?’
‘I love dancing. It’s like my second favourite thing after pissing people who work for Crusher Media off and reading.’
‘That’s two things, Eli.’
‘Huh?’
‘You said second... oh never mind. Go. Dance. Unleash yourself. You’ve been through some shit man.’
‘You gonna come?’
She winked, ‘I’ll see you down there.’
So I left her there with my packet of chicken chips and descended the stairs to the dance floor.
Now I’m not a good dancer, so I’m not going to embarrass myself with descriptions of my awkward spinning and leaping and shaking of limbs. But no one seemed to care. Everyone was drunk enough and happy enough that enthusiasm was all you needed.
The Isekai guy was back on the ceiling again, hanging off a wooden beam with one hand. He raised his other hand to his mouth and shouted above the music, ‘This world is shit!’
Everyone on the dance floor raised their hands to their mouth, ‘This world is shit!’
The Isekai guy grinned, ‘But this party is lit!’
I raised my hands to my mouth and screamed at the top of my lungs, ‘BUT THIS PARTY IS LIT!’ And a guy in a trenchcoat and a girl in a tee with quotes on it wrapped their arms around my shoulders and it felt so good. Someone poured champagne straight into my mouth, then I walked wobbly-legged up the stairs to see if I could find the woman in red. A song by Avicii was banging on the speakers.
There were a few couples making out on the balcony, but I couldn’t see the woman in red. I tripped over a beer bottle and then laughed at how nothing hurt and my stomach was full and I was so happy.
I crawled over to the window and pushed it open. The cold night air felt nice on my face and I decided I wanted more.
Clumsily, I climbed through the window and rolled down the roofing tiles. I came to a stop at the gutter – just before the edge. That made me giggle – ‘Woah, you almost Isekaied yourself just then.’
I climbed on my hands and knees along the roof until I could sit comfortably. There were stars in the sky – real stars – and they reminded me of everything I’d left behind underground. I thought about Astra. How much she’d love to see them and I thought about her face when I’d first seen it, and the pull-top earrings and smashing my shitty tablet to get glow in the dark liquid. Then I pulled my knees to my chest and I started to cry.
submitted by ResponsibilitySad331 to HFY [link] [comments]
And my guide to this magical pimple of a place introduced himself by driving his motorbike through my front window.
I’m not sure what woke me up first – the roar of the engine, the gentle tinkling of glass as it smashed into my new refrigerator, or the nasal Australian ‘G’day’ that was called out to me.
I sat up in bed, heart thumping, and grabbed the closest thing to a weapon I could find – a shitty plastic bedside lamp. I walked out there holding the lamp in front of me like a mace.
‘Hello?’ I called out.
The light switched on, blinding me and I heard a distinctively Australian scream.
‘God mate, put some clothes on. You got ya willy hanging out and everything.’
I blinked in the light, in front of me stood a leather-clad, very stylish dude about my age who was trying very hard to keep his eyes on my face.
‘Who are you?’ I mumbled, the air had a chill to it, and when I looked around I saw bits of my window embedded in one wall, ‘You drove through my window!?!’
‘Yeah mate,’ the guy winked, ‘First rule I’m gonna teach you is that if you’re not a good writer you have to do some pretty crazy shit here to stand out and attract attention from the good writers so they’ll help fund your lifestyle,’ Manuel held up his hands, they didn’t have the computer-key-callouses that mine did, ‘I am not a good writer,’ he said.
‘The window…’
He brushed a piece of glass off his leather jacket, ‘Don’t worry - Al-Dog showed me how many views your stories have. You can afford it.’
I groaned, ‘Man I’m trying to get out of this hellhole. The more money I spend on fixing windows the less I have to... hey, what are you doing?’
Manuel was getting back on his motorbike, he pointed to my room, ‘You go back in there, you get some party clothes, and you come with me, we’ve got a long night ahead of us.’
I went to open my mouth but nothing came out. I guess the shock of having a biker drive through my front window in the middle of the night and the fact I was only half awake had dulled my mind.
‘I don’t have party clothes,’ I said eventually, ‘I’m just gonna...’
‘...you’re just gonna go back in there and look in your wardrobe. Al-Dog gave me money for important stuff. And believe me, you wouldn’t have made a good first impression showing up to the party naked.’
I stumbled back into the room and found a closet filled with dress-shirts, chinos, and high-end coats. I swallowed when I saw them, just imagining the damage they would’ve made to my bank account.
But they fitted well... so well that I decided someone at Crusher Media must’ve written down my shirt sizes when I’d arrived.
I threw on a patterned shirt, black pants and shoes – which took a lot longer than usual as I hadn’t worn anything on my feet since I entered Crusher Prison.
We rode Manuel’s motorbike back through the window and roared along the streets of The Village. The houses blurred by like I was on a ghost train.
We pulled up outside a mansion in a screech of rubber. Manuel parked the bike between two marble Greek statues.
‘What? Not gonna ride through this guy’s window as well?’
Manuel just shook his head, ‘These guys would kill me.’
‘Hmm... so that’s where I went wrong.’
Music was pumping from inside and a bunch of people in their early 20s were drinking wine on the marble steps. Manuel turned to me.
‘Before we go in I need you to know something.’
I stared at him so he continued, ‘Say it after me... I am a nobody.’
‘Manuel, you are a nobody.’
‘Are you stupid?’
‘No. I’m just messing with ya.’ I pulled a packet of chips from my shirt and popped it open.
‘Eli. You are a no-’
Crunch
His sentence broke in half, ‘Mate. Did you just eat a chip? While I was talking to you?’
I nodded, ‘You were saying I’m a nobody.’
‘Exactly,’ he was getting annoyed, ‘Dude. I’m your guide to this place. Why are you acting up?’
I crunched on another chip, ‘Look Manuel, maybe you’re a good guy. Maybe you genuinely believed driving a motorbike through the front window of my house was a good idea. Maybe you’re going to show me a secret tunnel you’ve dug in the basement of this mansion that we can crawl through to a waiting aeroplane that’s ready to take us to the Australian Outback where we can go hug some koalas and forget about all the messed up shit that goes on in this place.’ I put a hand on his shoulder, ‘Maybe you’re a good guy Manuel – but up till this point everyone in this prison who isn’t a writer has shat on me.’
Manuel stared at me, his voice softened, ‘Wow. Sound like you’ve been through some trauma mate.’
‘You wouldn’t believe half of it.’
One of his arms wrapped around me, ‘Eli. Buddy. I need you to forget all that stuff. This place...’ he spread his hand out over The Village, ‘This place is heaven on earth my man. No, wait, it’s better than heaven because it’s got alcohol, it’s got drugs, and there’s no one telling you what to do.’
‘Except you.’
‘Ahh... but I’m a guide. And Eli. It’s time for the best night of your life.’
****
Bach, the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Billie Eilish and Bob Marley alternated on the speakers that thumped around the house.
By the front door, a circle of romance writers wearing knitwear and white tees with quotes on them sat discussing the best dates they’d been on.
Clustered around a couch playing Mario Cart, Minecraft, and talking about the best paths to level up a character were the LitRPG writers. We climbed the stairs where a group of crime fiction writers dressed in large trenchcoats and black scarves were arguing over the best way to get away with homicide. At the top of the stairs, Manuel put a hand to my chest and stopped me. He pointed to a guy wearing japanese-style clothing who was standing on the edge of the balcony.
‘Watch this.’ Manuel said.
The guy took a few steps backwards, then sprinted towards the balcony rail, leapt off it, did a double backflip – then landed in the indoor pool – almost smashing his head open on the side of it.
‘What does he write?’ I asked.
Manuel stared at the guy as he swam a victory lap.
‘Isekai.’
We moved along the balcony to a couch near the drinks table with a great window view of a group of wuxia and anime-style writers who were Nauruto-running their way across the lawn.
‘Huh.’ I said, ‘This party has someone for everyone.’
Manuel looked away from the group of chicks he’d been checking out, ‘Yeah buddy. This is a writer’s paradise.’
‘Cool. Now, where do I find angry, disillusioned, Crusher Media hating writers?’
Manuel just smiled, ‘Nowhere Eli. They don’t exist.’ He put a beer in my hand, ‘Get out there. Meet some people. I’m done babysitting.’
My guide stood, straightened his collar, and headed for the drinks table.
I sat there for a while, just people watching, drinking beer and munching on my chips. I had to shake my head. These are the people. These are the people that created the worlds I’d lived in all those years I’d been a reader.
A woman in a red dress placed a tray of sushi in front of me.
‘Hey.’ She lifted her eyes to meet mine, ‘You must be new.’
‘Hey.’ I said, ‘How’d you know?’
She tilted her head towards Manuel, ‘You’ve had the leecher hanging off you like a bad smell.’
That made me laugh.
‘You want some sushi?’ she said, moving a ball of rice into her mouth with chopsticks so elegantly I knew I had no hope of ever replicating the manoeuvrer.
I smiled, ‘I’ve... well...’ I lifted the second packet of chicken chips I’d brought, ‘I’ve got all the food I need right here.’
She frowned at the bag, picked a chip out with her chopsticks and crunched down on it, ‘Mmmh. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a good chip. But why the hell you only eating them for? Is this some weird new diet?’
I shook my head and she let out a sigh.
‘Good, because heaps of authors get into these weird trendy diet things – they think eating fish and beans will help them write for longer. They think if you mix kale and spinach into a smoothie it’ll make you a writing god.’
I shook my head, ‘Believe me – the only thing that kale and spinach change are your taste buds and the smell of your shit.’
The woman in red laughed loudly and patted me on the back, ‘You’re a funny guy.’
Then the romance writers made the LitRPG writers move their couch and TV, the Wuxia writers shifted chairs and tables away from the entrance to create a large open space in front of the door. A couple of fantasy writers shifted the speakers so they were facing the open space, while the crime writers smoked cigarettes and did their best to look shady. The Isekai writer climbed along the ceiling with a disco ball slung over his back. He attached the disco ball then dropped to the floor and rolled. Everyone clapped.
‘Oh my god,’ I turned to the woman in red, the music was loud so I had to shout, ‘Now... I’ve got a confession to make. I hate this place and I hate Crusher Media with every fibre of my being, but...’ I shook my head and took a swig of beer, then placed it down in the pile of empty bottles by my feet, ‘...I have a weakness for dancing.’
‘Huh?’ she said, ‘You like dancing?’
‘I love dancing. It’s like my second favourite thing after pissing people who work for Crusher Media off and reading.’
‘That’s two things, Eli.’
‘Huh?’
‘You said second... oh never mind. Go. Dance. Unleash yourself. You’ve been through some shit man.’
‘You gonna come?’
She winked, ‘I’ll see you down there.’
So I left her there with my packet of chicken chips and descended the stairs to the dance floor.
Now I’m not a good dancer, so I’m not going to embarrass myself with descriptions of my awkward spinning and leaping and shaking of limbs. But no one seemed to care. Everyone was drunk enough and happy enough that enthusiasm was all you needed.
The Isekai guy was back on the ceiling again, hanging off a wooden beam with one hand. He raised his other hand to his mouth and shouted above the music, ‘This world is shit!’
Everyone on the dance floor raised their hands to their mouth, ‘This world is shit!’
The Isekai guy grinned, ‘But this party is lit!’
I raised my hands to my mouth and screamed at the top of my lungs, ‘BUT THIS PARTY IS LIT!’ And a guy in a trenchcoat and a girl in a tee with quotes on it wrapped their arms around my shoulders and it felt so good. Someone poured champagne straight into my mouth, then I walked wobbly-legged up the stairs to see if I could find the woman in red. A song by Avicii was banging on the speakers.
There were a few couples making out on the balcony, but I couldn’t see the woman in red. I tripped over a beer bottle and then laughed at how nothing hurt and my stomach was full and I was so happy.
I crawled over to the window and pushed it open. The cold night air felt nice on my face and I decided I wanted more.
Clumsily, I climbed through the window and rolled down the roofing tiles. I came to a stop at the gutter – just before the edge. That made me giggle – ‘Woah, you almost Isekaied yourself just then.’
I climbed on my hands and knees along the roof until I could sit comfortably. There were stars in the sky – real stars – and they reminded me of everything I’d left behind underground. I thought about Astra. How much she’d love to see them and I thought about her face when I’d first seen it, and the pull-top earrings and smashing my shitty tablet to get glow in the dark liquid. Then I pulled my knees to my chest and I started to cry.
My guide
I realise a lot of people on here don’t know about The Village. Well… imagine Prison, Disneyland and a University party thrown into a blender with a little pinch of desperation thrown in for taste. That is The Village.
And my guide to this magical pimple of a place introduced himself by driving his motorbike through my front window.
I’m not sure what woke me up first – the roar of the engine, the gentle tinkling of glass as it smashed into my new refrigerator, or the nasal Australian ‘G’day’ that was called out to me.
I sat up in bed, heart thumping, and grabbed the closest thing to a weapon I could find – a shitty plastic bedside lamp. I walked out there holding the lamp in front of me like a mace.
‘Hello?’ I called out.
The light switched on, blinding me and I heard a distinctively Australian scream.
‘God mate, put some clothes on. You got ya willy hanging out and everything.’
I blinked in the light, in front of me stood a leather-clad, very stylish dude about my age who was trying very hard to keep his eyes on my face.
‘Who are you?’ I mumbled, the air had a chill to it, and when I looked around I saw bits of my window embedded in one wall, ‘You drove through my window!?!’
‘Yeah mate,’ the guy winked, ‘First rule I’m gonna teach you is that if you’re not a good writer you have to do some pretty crazy shit here to stand out and attract attention from the good writers so they’ll help fund your lifestyle,’ Manuel held up his hands, they didn’t have the computer-key-callouses that mine did, ‘I am not a good writer,’ he said.
‘The window…’
He brushed a piece of glass off his leather jacket, ‘Don’t worry - Al-Dog showed me how many views your stories have. You can afford it.’
I groaned, ‘Man I’m trying to get out of this hellhole. The more money I spend on fixing windows the less I have to... hey, what are you doing?’
Manuel was getting back on his motorbike, he pointed to my room, ‘You go back in there, you get some party clothes, and you come with me, we’ve got a long night ahead of us.’
I went to open my mouth but nothing came out. I guess the shock of having a biker drive through my front window in the middle of the night and the fact I was only half awake had dulled my mind.
‘I don’t have party clothes,’ I said eventually, ‘I’m just gonna...’
‘...you’re just gonna go back in there and look in your wardrobe. Al-Dog gave me money for important stuff. And believe me, you wouldn’t have made a good first impression showing up to the party naked.’
I stumbled back into the room and found a closet filled with dress-shirts, chinos, and high-end coats. I swallowed when I saw them, just imagining the damage they would’ve made to my bank account.
But they fitted well... so well that I decided someone at Crusher Media must’ve written down my shirt sizes when I’d arrived.
I threw on a patterned shirt, black pants and shoes – which took a lot longer than usual as I hadn’t worn anything on my feet since I entered Crusher Prison.
We rode Manuel’s motorbike back through the window and roared along the streets of The Village. The houses blurred by like I was on a ghost train.
We pulled up outside a mansion in a screech of rubber. Manuel parked the bike between two marble Greek statues.
‘What? Not gonna ride through this guy’s window as well?’
Manuel just shook his head, ‘These guys would kill me.’
‘Hmm... so that’s where I went wrong.’
Music was pumping from inside and a bunch of people in their early 20s were drinking wine on the marble steps. Manuel turned to me.
‘Before we go in I need you to know something.’
I stared at him so he continued, ‘Say it after me... I am a nobody.’
‘Manuel, you are a nobody.’
‘Are you stupid?’
‘No. I’m just messing with ya.’ I pulled a packet of chips from my shirt and popped it open.
‘Eli. You are a no-’
Crunch
His sentence broke in half, ‘Mate. Did you just eat a chip? While I was talking to you?’
I nodded, ‘You were saying I’m a nobody.’
‘Exactly,’ he was getting annoyed, ‘Dude. I’m your guide to this place. Why are you acting up?’
I crunched on another chip, ‘Look Manuel, maybe you’re a good guy. Maybe you genuinely believed driving a motorbike through the front window of my house was a good idea. Maybe you’re going to show me a secret tunnel you’ve dug in the basement of this mansion that we can crawl through to a waiting aeroplane that’s ready to take us to the Australian Outback where we can go hug some koalas and forget about all the messed up shit that goes on in this place.’ I put a hand on his shoulder, ‘Maybe you’re a good guy Manuel – but up till this point everyone in this prison who isn’t a writer has shat on me.’
Manuel stared at me, his voice softened, ‘Wow. Sound like you’ve been through some trauma mate.’
‘You wouldn’t believe half of it.’
One of his arms wrapped around me, ‘Eli. Buddy. I need you to forget all that stuff. This place...’ he spread his hand out over The Village, ‘This place is heaven on earth my man. No, wait, it’s better than heaven because it’s got alcohol, it’s got drugs, and there’s no one telling you what to do.’
‘Except you.’
‘Ahh... but I’m a guide. And Eli. It’s time for the best night of your life.’
****
Bach, the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Billie Eilish and Bob Marley alternated on the speakers that thumped around the house.
By the front door, a circle of romance writers wearing knitwear and white tees with quotes on them sat discussing the best dates they’d been on.
Clustered around a couch playing Mario Cart, Minecraft, and talking about the best paths to level up a character were the LitRPG writers. We climbed the stairs where a group of crime fiction writers dressed in large trenchcoats and black scarves were arguing over the best way to get away with homicide. At the top of the stairs, Manuel put a hand to my chest and stopped me. He pointed to a guy wearing japanese-style clothing who was standing on the edge of the balcony.
‘Watch this.’ Manuel said.
The guy took a few steps backwards, then sprinted towards the balcony rail, leapt off it, did a double backflip – then landed in the indoor pool – almost smashing his head open on the side of it.
‘What does he write?’ I asked.
Manuel stared at the guy as he swam a victory lap.
‘Isekai.’
We moved along the balcony to a couch near the drinks table with a great window view of a group of wuxia and anime-style writers who were Nauruto-running their way across the lawn.
‘Huh.’ I said, ‘This party has someone for everyone.’
Manuel looked away from the group of chicks he’d been checking out, ‘Yeah buddy. This is a writer’s paradise.’
‘Cool. Now, where do I find angry, disillusioned, Crusher Media hating writers?’
Manuel just smiled, ‘Nowhere Eli. They don’t exist.’ He put a beer in my hand, ‘Get out there. Meet some people. I’m done babysitting.’
My guide stood, straightened his collar, and headed for the drinks table.
I sat there for a while, just people watching, drinking beer and munching on my chips. I had to shake my head. These are the people. These are the people that created the worlds I’d lived in all those years I’d been a reader.
A woman in a red dress placed a tray of sushi in front of me.
‘Hey.’ She lifted her eyes to meet mine, ‘You must be new.’
‘Hey.’ I said, ‘How’d you know?’
She tilted her head towards Manuel, ‘You’ve had the leecher hanging off you like a bad smell.’
That made me laugh.
‘You want some sushi?’ she said, moving a ball of rice into her mouth with chopsticks so elegantly I knew I had no hope of ever replicating the manoeuvrer.
I smiled, ‘I’ve... well...’ I lifted the second packet of chicken chips I’d brought, ‘I’ve got all the food I need right here.’
She frowned at the bag, picked a chip out with her chopsticks and crunched down on it, ‘Mmmh. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a good chip. But why the hell you only eating them for? Is this some weird new diet?’
I shook my head and she let out a sigh.
‘Good, because heaps of authors get into these weird trendy diet things – they think eating fish and beans will help them write for longer. They think if you mix kale and spinach into a smoothie it’ll make you a writing god.’
I shook my head, ‘Believe me – the only thing that kale and spinach change are your taste buds and the smell of your shit.’
The woman in red laughed loudly and patted me on the back, ‘You’re a funny guy.’
Then the romance writers made the LitRPG writers move their couch and TV, the Wuxia writers shifted chairs and tables away from the entrance to create a large open space in front of the door. A couple of fantasy writers shifted the speakers so they were facing the open space, while the crime writers smoked cigarettes and did their best to look shady. The Isekai writer climbed along the ceiling with a disco ball slung over his back. He attached the disco ball then dropped to the floor and rolled. Everyone clapped.
‘Oh my god,’ I turned to the woman in red, the music was loud so I had to shout, ‘Now... I’ve got a confession to make. I hate this place and I hate Crusher Media with every fibre of my being, but...’ I shook my head and took a swig of beer, then placed it down in the pile of empty bottles by my feet, ‘...I have a weakness for dancing.’
‘Huh?’ she said, ‘You like dancing?’
‘I love dancing. It’s like my second favourite thing after pissing people who work for Crusher Media off and reading.’
‘That’s two things, Eli.’
‘Huh?’
‘You said second... oh never mind. Go. Dance. Unleash yourself. You’ve been through some shit man.’
‘You gonna come?’
She winked, ‘I’ll see you down there.’
So I left her there with my packet of chicken chips and descended the stairs to the dance floor.
Now I’m not a good dancer, so I’m not going to embarrass myself with descriptions of my awkward spinning and leaping and shaking of limbs. But no one seemed to care. Everyone was drunk enough and happy enough that enthusiasm was all you needed.
The Isekai guy was back on the ceiling again, hanging off a wooden beam with one hand. He raised his other hand to his mouth and shouted above the music, ‘This world is shit!’
Everyone on the dance floor raised their hands to their mouth, ‘This world is shit!’
The Isekai guy grinned, ‘But this party is lit!’
I raised my hands to my mouth and screamed at the top of my lungs, ‘BUT THIS PARTY IS LIT!’ And a guy in a trenchcoat and a girl in a tee with quotes on it wrapped their arms around my shoulders and it felt so good. Someone poured champagne straight into my mouth, then I walked wobbly-legged up the stairs to see if I could find the woman in red. A song by Avicii was banging on the speakers.
There were a few couples making out on the balcony, but I couldn’t see the woman in red. I tripped over a beer bottle and then laughed at how nothing hurt and my stomach was full and I was so happy.
I crawled over to the window and pushed it open. The cold night air felt nice on my face and I decided I wanted more.
Clumsily, I climbed through the window and rolled down the roofing tiles. I came to a stop at the gutter – just before the edge. That made me giggle – ‘Woah, you almost Isekaied yourself just then.’
I climbed on my hands and knees along the roof until I could sit comfortably. There were stars in the sky – real stars – and they reminded me of everything I’d left behind underground. I thought about Astra. How much she’d love to see them and I thought about her face when I’d first seen it, and the pull-top earrings and smashing my shitty tablet to get glow in the dark liquid. Then I pulled my knees to my chest and I started to cry.
2024.05.06 06:38 Sweaty-Inevitable463 Did we break up?
I'm(F23) so confused, my boyfriend (M23) of 5 years went away for work was supposed to be FIFO But he stayed "cause he couldn't" come back with work etc.. part of his family lives there too I'm fine with understanding all this with new jobs and bust life and interactive family
But he's not much of a texted we had some issues recently that he never wanted to discuss with me or said it was pointless to even bring it up and I was just being toxic and narcissistic and even call me a gaslighter
I helped him get where he is , I stuck with him though alot he doesn't give me the love or support I give to him back ..
I still stayed though so much when I should of left ...I'm rambling/venting...
I thought he might of committed to his word and this time it would be different that he would do what he said .. as soon as he got there and off the train he ignored me being tired and busy .. I understood that I gave him day and a bit .. he was responding barely but he was .. (he's a shhhhittt texted at least to me(lesser importance )
We have bills together and had plans together of course right... I want closure... he's my favourite person I wanted his attention I wanted to be loved *cringe i know i shouldnt of but I invested into his life I helped him with anything I could , I turned into his mother I hated myself for it But
His traits are very well know to me , sadly but I guess good he's a very bad liar /massive gaslight and I stuck with him ..
He has good too bad I haven't seen that lately
End of last year is when the really bad issues started plus him leaving didn't help but we were happy sad but happy .. I was meant to move there with him but he hasn't spoke to me till the 9th of April .. and was barely there prior. I only thought /I'm assuming always in the back of my mind it was for money but I never thought... I was just a pawn and he would so quickly discard me when he got all of me ..
We share banks , I had some issues with spammers so it logged him out which I didn't mind cause he took alot without me knowing .. we share bills and all that sometimes halves or I'll get this one you do next time.. He doesn't save or budget
He needed money for a event he went to I think it was 6 days no contact and then he said hey baby hru I love etc.. the bill got paid and I needed the money I postponed it and it took my money and something else that you bought on my card popped up so i checked my transaction i sent him the money due to my card not working.. I hate myself but I checked it and he lied to me and I said show me you bank he said no and said are you not giving me the money then and I said no .. I have my bills I have to pay for and your supposed to be saving not going out clubbing etc.. he's like I need to make friends don't I? ..I honestly don't know if I'm the problem or what red flags I am .. but he stomped on my heart and broke my trust few months prior but I don't wanna be issues break up I wanted to try and there I was trying again so many chances but he always says I was the bringer of issues or unneeding fights etc.. he just never wanted to talk or listen to me trying to express my feelings he said it wasn't needing and pointless but it was pointfull to me...
He was mature we both was I am especially but he just ... idk yeah I'm saving him again
We share our locations , banks and we have our information shared to eachothers phones ..
He stopped responding to me , text, snap fb He doesn't look at my messages anymore that stopped on the 9th he used to look but no respond ..
I gave him space after 2 weeks I had nothing .. I wanted closure , I wanted facts and answers I wrote to him and nothing .. he killed our streak (not that big of a deal but it was a first that he did give effort to, biggest we got ) I restore it now .. just encase we are together and we're having a break till he needs me hahaha it'd my birthday soon he said he would come ages ago for what it feels like... he got time off to go to a thing in another city around and on my bday , I found closure when I logged into his account I needed answers I wasn't going to go crazy or freak out I just wanted to know ...
But I still don't know is it just me overthining and assuming I cut back on it but idk ..
He's been texting others which is okay he's been poorly flirting and I discovered he got tinder and all that from his transaction on his bank ...yet I still stayed and tried to be there for him so someone stayed for him but with the separation I'm better ,I'm sad but that comes in waves .....but I'm feeling myself and I haven't for awhile , I get told I'm glowing
I feel like we are over and he's just amusing me but that's alot of effort which he has stopped .. I just wanted him to tell me
What's the point of this assay I guess to vent , advice do I still be there for him do I stop doing the little things for him and kill the streak too the little things are important I know it's stupid ..
I wanted things to work out .. all the shit there was good and all the in-between I knew him and all his ins and outs .. I opened myself up and wasn't judge I felt safe .. I think I'm just holding on because I got to be my inner self
I don't wanna go though the process again .. I had a dream and a plan I honest don't like the idea of going out/dating or people all that much in sense of a relationship people always leaves me .. no matter what I do
I'm either too nice ,too quite too caring so many excuses they give me ..
I don't care upon how much f*ck ups there was or is tell me the truth ,don't lie to me iam not leaving or going to judge you i just wanna know you / the truth is what I voiced to him and did I let things slide ...
I'm in limbo
I'm processing this as we have broke up but my heart still hopes (didn't used to😅)
submitted by Sweaty-Inevitable463 to relationships_advice [link] [comments]
But he's not much of a texted we had some issues recently that he never wanted to discuss with me or said it was pointless to even bring it up and I was just being toxic and narcissistic and even call me a gaslighter
I helped him get where he is , I stuck with him though alot he doesn't give me the love or support I give to him back ..
I still stayed though so much when I should of left ...I'm rambling/venting...
I thought he might of committed to his word and this time it would be different that he would do what he said .. as soon as he got there and off the train he ignored me being tired and busy .. I understood that I gave him day and a bit .. he was responding barely but he was .. (he's a shhhhittt texted at least to me(lesser importance )
We have bills together and had plans together of course right... I want closure... he's my favourite person I wanted his attention I wanted to be loved *cringe i know i shouldnt of but I invested into his life I helped him with anything I could , I turned into his mother I hated myself for it But
His traits are very well know to me , sadly but I guess good he's a very bad liar /massive gaslight and I stuck with him ..
He has good too bad I haven't seen that lately
End of last year is when the really bad issues started plus him leaving didn't help but we were happy sad but happy .. I was meant to move there with him but he hasn't spoke to me till the 9th of April .. and was barely there prior. I only thought /I'm assuming always in the back of my mind it was for money but I never thought... I was just a pawn and he would so quickly discard me when he got all of me ..
We share banks , I had some issues with spammers so it logged him out which I didn't mind cause he took alot without me knowing .. we share bills and all that sometimes halves or I'll get this one you do next time.. He doesn't save or budget
He needed money for a event he went to I think it was 6 days no contact and then he said hey baby hru I love etc.. the bill got paid and I needed the money I postponed it and it took my money and something else that you bought on my card popped up so i checked my transaction i sent him the money due to my card not working.. I hate myself but I checked it and he lied to me and I said show me you bank he said no and said are you not giving me the money then and I said no .. I have my bills I have to pay for and your supposed to be saving not going out clubbing etc.. he's like I need to make friends don't I? ..I honestly don't know if I'm the problem or what red flags I am .. but he stomped on my heart and broke my trust few months prior but I don't wanna be issues break up I wanted to try and there I was trying again so many chances but he always says I was the bringer of issues or unneeding fights etc.. he just never wanted to talk or listen to me trying to express my feelings he said it wasn't needing and pointless but it was pointfull to me...
He was mature we both was I am especially but he just ... idk yeah I'm saving him again
We share our locations , banks and we have our information shared to eachothers phones ..
He stopped responding to me , text, snap fb He doesn't look at my messages anymore that stopped on the 9th he used to look but no respond ..
I gave him space after 2 weeks I had nothing .. I wanted closure , I wanted facts and answers I wrote to him and nothing .. he killed our streak (not that big of a deal but it was a first that he did give effort to, biggest we got ) I restore it now .. just encase we are together and we're having a break till he needs me hahaha it'd my birthday soon he said he would come ages ago for what it feels like... he got time off to go to a thing in another city around and on my bday , I found closure when I logged into his account I needed answers I wasn't going to go crazy or freak out I just wanted to know ...
But I still don't know is it just me overthining and assuming I cut back on it but idk ..
He's been texting others which is okay he's been poorly flirting and I discovered he got tinder and all that from his transaction on his bank ...yet I still stayed and tried to be there for him so someone stayed for him but with the separation I'm better ,I'm sad but that comes in waves .....but I'm feeling myself and I haven't for awhile , I get told I'm glowing
I feel like we are over and he's just amusing me but that's alot of effort which he has stopped .. I just wanted him to tell me
What's the point of this assay I guess to vent , advice do I still be there for him do I stop doing the little things for him and kill the streak too the little things are important I know it's stupid ..
I wanted things to work out .. all the shit there was good and all the in-between I knew him and all his ins and outs .. I opened myself up and wasn't judge I felt safe .. I think I'm just holding on because I got to be my inner self
I don't wanna go though the process again .. I had a dream and a plan I honest don't like the idea of going out/dating or people all that much in sense of a relationship people always leaves me .. no matter what I do
I'm either too nice ,too quite too caring so many excuses they give me ..
I don't care upon how much f*ck ups there was or is tell me the truth ,don't lie to me iam not leaving or going to judge you i just wanna know you / the truth is what I voiced to him and did I let things slide ...
I'm in limbo
I'm processing this as we have broke up but my heart still hopes (didn't used to😅)