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General
I am looking for a lady between 28 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I tried to be as concise as possible while still providing what details I think are crucial to know; I realise this post turned out very long, but I prefer those because I can get as good an idea as possible with detailed descriptions, bar actually talking to the person, and find that very valuable, so if that also applies to you, that would be awesome.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I am looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and sexual compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, sexual compatibility. I have a high libido and I have kinks, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy them together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, sexual fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner, training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with an avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or at a football game and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus, emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals and ideally, you do too.
Apparently in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. I found the term 'filthy best friends and partners' to be a perfect description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
I’d prefer to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself.
Caveats

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

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I read an article a few weeks ago that explained this concept that there's a biological basis for the highest threshold of an individuals' potential happiness. In short there's this idea, with scientific evidence to back it, that it's biologically predetermined how happy ones resting and max "happiness" state can be, and I've just been unable to get that out of my mind since reading it.
I've been chronically unhappy my whole life. My family has been chronically unhappy their entire lives. My parents are two people I deeply respect who are both bipolar and both had fucked childhoods but broke the cycle and did everything in their power to raise their kids to have opportunities, emotional vulnerability, and kindness that they never got. They go to therapy, take their prescribed meds, and have open conversations with each other and with us kids etc. But there's just this deep set sadness to both of them that's so intense that it can be hard to even interact with them. It's always there even during happy times and even as they espouse these deeply thoughtful sentiments and epiphanies they've had about life. There's these constant hills and valleys - ups and downs - and it's exhausting just to watch. Every time another rough patch hits I become genuinely concerned that this will be the straw that breaks the camels back and they'll end their lives. They're in their fifties and sixties respectively but during my last visit alone my mother admitted to continuing to cut herself and I walked into a room late at night to find my dad just staring at the wall silently with tears streaming down his cheeks.
When I heard about this biological concept of happiness I think it hit me so hard because I feel it's true. I've told I didn't smile until I was 9 months old, and I've always felt disconnected with the strong, passionate feelings people talk about. Wonderment at the sight of a beautiful natural landscape or art piece, intense passion for a hobby or interest, and even sexual attraction are all concepts that are foreign to me. I don't feel nothing but everything has always felt muted. I have all the symptoms of depression and have been clinically diagnosed as such but these symptoms were never novel - they've been here as long as I can remember. But they have worsened with time. It's just so disheartening. I feel like there's nothing I can do. I've taken medication, changed medication, gone off my medication, seen therapists, journaled, exercised more, done yoga and deep breathing exercises, changed my diet, socialized more, quit social media... Done everything under the fucking sun. But I see my parents, a generation older than me but having done the same and being far stronger than me but still so clearly suffering perpetually... And then this biological basis shit. And it's not like the medications do shit either. Doctors don't even know everything they do and if you look at the clinical studies the success rate is pretty pathetic. And even when they do work they just have to keep upping your dose until you become so resistant that it's medically unsafe to give you more (not that they know all the implications of the meds they're force feeding you anyways) and they have to switch you to another med that gives you the worst side effects and takes you out of your mind until you get fucking PTSD from the drug alone...
I think I've always held onto this idea that something will work. Some change or epiphany will make me feel something. But either you take a drug and are numb forever or you go off the drug and feel a modicum more in terms of range of emotion but then you dip down worse and want to drive off a cliff. When I was a teenager and first realized these thoughts weren't normal I chalked it up to teen angst. Then it didn't go away so I talked to my parents and I went to therapy and got some Prozac and I waited because these things take time and nothing. Then I thought I must be unfulfilled in my relationships but I couldn't fucking keep one because I couldn't get it up. My father told me recently that his philosophy is that life will always be peaks and valleys but whenever he's in a dark spot he knows that soon he'll be rising back up to another peak. But I don't think I can do that for the rest of my life.

There are 5 areals inside of which 5 elements reside. The five areals are: ● Mirage(hollow, reflective, refractive, instantanious, where psyche meets spirit). ● Woman (love, where spirit meets fire), ● Digitage( non-corporeal, energy storage where water meets fire) . ● Foilage(birthing, absorbing, growing, where animal meets water), ● Man(strife, where animal meets psyche)
(The elements between each areal are respectfully spirit, fire, water. animalia and psyche)
Inside animalia there are 6 distinct animals from which genesis occurs. Pachyderm (elephants, whales etc) Reptilian (lizards, snakes etc) Cephalapod (the sentient on the planet) Equine (horse, zebra etc) Canine (dog, wolf, jackal etc) Feline (cat, lion, cheetah etc)
Time is an illusion carried by humans (an amalgamation through time defying reproduction of the entirety of the cephalapods work in genesis on the planet earth.) The earliest intelligent animal on the earth was the vampyrapod. A ten tentacled species that landed here somehow flung from some rock or ejaculated by some larger animal. The vampyropods were fed upon by the local life here (trilobytes, bacteria etc) eating two of the tentacles (the mating tentacles (man(woman)) that began the genesis. The ten commandments themselfs biblically are the fossilized representation of one male and one female vampyropods. The ten tentacles arranged in their death explaining a meaning forever.
The 5 areals are where time is encased it is the job of humans to bear the weight of time while cephs continue the genesis.
If you imagine a star shape in which each point is an areal, and between each point is an element, than in the very center you will find salt, sugar, and vinegar (dry). With these base powders water, Nitrogen, And carbon can be formed. The basis of life on earth.
All the genesis of animalia as well as man made items were the creation of the cephs with intention. Mixing of animalia through time and genesis they have destroyed the dinosaurs and shifted them to aviaries. They did this through the tapeworm, an invention that not only makes up the organs of humans, (the intestines, the gallbladder etc) but was weaponized to destroy the dinosaurs en masse in preperation for the genesis plans of the cephs.
Modern octopus only live about 4.5 years and they have mastered the ability to transcend into the next through cannabalism as well as telepathy. They created the first language of enochian (the angels language) through tentacle and eye movements. Through many generations and reincarnations they developed telepathy as well as the ability to travel through time.
On genesis. An actuality has to occur from the cephs in time to create the genesis. Such as a ceph dying, killing. Being eaten. Eating. The laying of hands (tentacles in this case) or the travel through time to accomplish these. For example. A ceph intentionally was eaten by a komodo dragon, while conscious and being digested it telepathically sent the makeup from inside to another ceph. This ceph used that information to create the genesis of the tapeworm that would destroy the dinosaurs. After most reptilians were shifted to aviaries. There were remnants such as thr chameleon who is very fragile, has 2 penises that constnlantly prolapse and the female can hold sperm for years without self inseminating to create birth. If you take a pachyderm like an elephant an ld have it eat of a chameleon, perhaps with some other complicated genesis of elements and areals you will find you have a gnarwal. The main point is that once they mastered tome travel, they have had unlimited time to make use of their ability to create genesis on the planet. Every animal thay is alive today has been manipulated by the cephs to be exactly where it is in time to accommodate for a larger agenda.
Its my belief that there are only 3 unique cephs that survived the early devastation of trilobytes and other life feeding from these aliens. I call them Seth, Jack, and Claire. Seth is known for being cruel. Jack is more logical, Claire is more empathetic. Because they didnt have the gene popl to create offapring effectively they created this ability to utilize genesis to ensure their survival. This is why they are cannabls its because they must be in order to continue. The modern female octopus always feeds of the make after mating. The males always eat of the young ones after birth.
On 'man made' inventions Cephs proliferated through genesis all the tools to create the written word. From sea anemone to sea urchin to porcupine to bird feather, to quill. And you already know where the ink came from. These topls were provided to a banana pig infested with mutated tapeworms in order to solidify the structures of governance over time. Every iteration of every technology was also developed intentionally by the cephs in order to eatablish a relationahip with the digitage that is just now in our perception coming to power.
As a human, i am essentially just a warm blooded version of a ceph. (Make a bird with your hands, where are the beaks?) We exist inside this cage of time and bear its burden. Look at a shark it may sleep but it just keeps swimming. Humans cannot. We have to sleep. Which is close to the realm of death. We as humans are split and carry the weight of strife and love. This is gender and its roles. (This is not a politcal view of genders but a simplification for the idea that governs. Im positive that in infinite time, other genders maybe an option)
We are as a human race looking forward to scientific breakthroughs that happen when cephs accomplish the physical actuations in time that develop to possible situations we experience from that genesis. Such as. By 2027 scientists anticipate returning the wooly mammoth from extinction. It is my belief that we need an actualization of the 6th digit in the mammaths feet in order for a cephs agenda unknown.
Bird eating spiders are example of post genesis cannabalism that triggers another line of genesis to occur such as a poison tree frog or something. I beleive that venomous snakes were made that way because the egg is the fruit that the snake is tempted by. And if it ate of its own eggs it was cursed through genesis to bear the venom. A bovine has 4 stomachs. And udders that resemble somehwhat the tenacles of a ceph. Its my belief that a whale(pachyderm) that has 9 stomachs (the 9 circles of hell) consumed a ceph and in its 4th stomach met the remains of an equine and genesis occured. Resulting in a cud chewing cow. Precious ambergris is essential to perfumes and stimulated the olfactories in way unlike anything else in the world. It cannot be valued it unvaluable. Whales also sing ans produce music. The moder ceph has empirical hearing as well as oldlfactory experiences. Cephs love blueberries. Foe the antioxidants (ita okay its a joke you can laugh ) but really. They do. Modern octopus can be found in the pacific notherwest climbing trees. They dont eat and make their way up the rocky cliffs to the coniferous foilage in order to establish some genesis. That is a real human experience that is documented. They have cralwed in any form across every inch and again and again of this planet. A suction cup on the plastic window of a bill in the mail may have inadvertantly created the floppy disc.
On the macro and the myopic: We live in time where everything occurs simultaniously only on a different scale in a set of repeating patterns that run forwards or backwards in fractalization. Or so to say, the coast goes on forever. With innumurable bits of sand that outnumber the stars in the sky.
Youll find that rapa nui , or easter island is the end of time itself. A graveyard of sorts and a resting ground for the tired cephs who have labored throughout existence to provide the genesis for us to continue in this gestalt of a universe. Its not an end but also a beginning.

Creating a website involves several key steps, from initial planning to the final launch and ongoing maintenance. Once launched, our underdevelopment platform, RocketPages.IO, will make it all a breeze for users. For updates on our progress and upcoming MVP launch, follow us on X (erstwhile twitter) https://x.com/RocketPagesIO/
Meanwhile, here’s a comprehensive guide for website designers to follow, whether they are building a site for themselves or a client:

1. Planning and Research

• Understand the Purpose and Goals: Identify the website's purpose (e.g., e-commerce, portfolio, blog) and the specific goals (e.g., increase sales, showcase work, provide information).
• Research the Target Audience: Understand the target audience, their needs, and how they will use the website.
• Analyze Competitors: Look at competitor websites to identify best practices and opportunities for differentiation.

2. Define Scope and Requirements

• Outline the Project Scope: Define what will be included in the project (e.g., number of pages, specific features like contact forms, e-commerce functionality).
• Create a Sitemap: Organize the content structure and hierarchy, mapping out how users will navigate the site.

3. Design

• Wireframing: Create wireframes to outline the layout and structure of each page without focusing on design details.
• Mockups: Develop high-fidelity mockups incorporating branding elements such as colors, fonts, and imagery.
• Responsive Design: Ensure the design is responsive, adapting well to various screen sizes and devices.

4. Content Creation

• Develop Content: Write or gather all necessary content, including text, images, videos, and other media.
• Optimize for SEO: Ensure the content is optimized for search engines, incorporating relevant keywords and following SEO best practices.

5. Development

• Choose a Platform: Decide on the platform (e.g., WordPress, Shopify, custom HTML/CSS) based on the project’s requirements.
• Set Up Hosting and Domain: Register a domain name and choose a reliable hosting provider.
• Build the Website: Convert the design into a functioning website using HTML, CSS, JavaScript, and other relevant technologies. Integrate any necessary back-end functionality (e.g., databases, server-side scripting).
• Implement CMS: If using a Content Management System (CMS), set it up and customize it according to the design.

6. Testing

• Cross-Browser Testing: Ensure the website works correctly across different web browsers.
• Device Testing: Test the website on various devices, including desktops, tablets, and smartphones.
• Functionality Testing: Check all forms, links, and interactive elements to ensure they work properly.
• Performance Testing: Optimize the website for speed and performance, using tools to identify and fix issues.

7. Launch

• Pre-Launch Checklist: Conduct a final review of all aspects of the site, ensuring everything is in place.
• Deploy the Website: Move the site from the development environment to the live server.
• Final Testing: Perform a final round of testing on the live site to catch any last-minute issues.

8. Maintenance and Updates

• Regular Updates: Keep the website content fresh and up-to-date. Regularly update software and plugins to maintain security.
• Monitor Performance: Use analytics tools to monitor site performance and user behavior.
• Security Maintenance: Regularly back up the website and monitor for security vulnerabilities.

Additional Considerations

• User Experience (UX) Design: Focus on creating a seamless and intuitive user experience throughout the design and development process.
• Accessibility: Ensure the website is accessible to users with disabilities by following web accessibility guidelines (e.g., WCAG).
• Legal Compliance: Make sure the website complies with relevant laws and regulations, such as GDPR for data privacy.

By following these steps, a website designer can systematically approach the creation of a website, ensuring that the final product meets the client's needs and provides a positive user experience.
https://preview.redd.it/d0wjlzqa0r1d1.png?width=1500&format=png&auto=webp&s=551c524063211e8fd6f3ffac23ee04689507baf4

I am posting to check if anyone has advice/experience with thesis withdrawal from a PhD examination procedure in order to transfer to another university. It's a bit of a story as it's rather complex.. Thanks for reading!
I've found myself in a bizarre situation after the continued neglect by my supervisors caused my external examiner to withdraw over what she called an 'unprofessional' and 'unethical' course of events. My PhD is a practice-led research in Contemporary Art, for which a public exhibition of the artwork produced is to be examined in interaction with a thesis. Through the careless behaviour of my supervisors —responsible for communication with examiners—, neither of my 2 examiners made it to either of 2 exhibitions I organised around the submission of my thesis. My examiners continued to push me into entering the viva using video documentation of the artwork, which, due to the performative nature of the work, would jeopardise significantly the theory presented in the thesis. By accident I found out my external examiner had withdrawn 6 weeks earlier over the fact she was asked to examine based on video documentation of the artworks. She is a highly suitable senior academic and internationally practicing artist who accepted to examine on the condition she would have access to the practice in a live format. My supervisors chose to withhold her withdrawal from me and then claimed I would enter the viva with another external examiner they had allocated, yet whose relevance for my research is highly debatable. At this point I decided to approach the Head of the Graduate Research School who acknowledged the breach of trust and breakdown of communication, removing my supervisors from the research and suspending the examination.
I am now in conversation with 2 universities who are interested in my research, offering a period of development/public presentation of the next iteration of the practice. Clearly, I am eager to move into a new, supportive context. I am aware of a potential bottleneck however, which is that my thesis has been submitted for examination already. Even with help of the student's union of my university it is still impossible to find clear regulations, but what's available hints at the university 'owning' my thesis following its submission. I have received 4 years of scholarship for which I have always lived up to the agreement in terms of writing and practice. While this last-minute crash of the PhD is caused by misconduct of university staff, it is likely the university is unwilling to release my thesis from the examination, and might attempt to claim back the scholarship if I decide to not pursue the PhD with them.
Online I'm finding conflicting information regarding withdrawal from subsidised phd's in terms of reimbursement of funding, or the moment a university 'owns' a thesis. I would be extremely grateful for any advice, interpretation or sharing of experiences here. I am willing to fight for my research, but not sure I want to end up entangled in a legal procedure.
Thank you very much for your response!

Developer and publisher Eridani Entertainment - in partnership with Lightspeed Studios and Billions Stud Entertainment Network - plans to release a "fun game" and a huge answer to Ubisoft's 2014 game "The Crew", after the live service game was almost erased from the face of The Earth, to be survived by its worse descendant, The Crew 2.
"Blue Marble" is an open world action adventure game set in a stable era sometime in the 2040s. Set on a condensed map of North America (southern Canada and the lower 48), it is a little bit more than The Crew; players can actually step out of their vehicle in third person and interact with their environment.
Blue Marble is basically a lifesim, but comes with a stunning cinematic campaign story.
Lead design director Jack Paris stated, "this is the entertainment industry and consumers want fun and entertainment and for those who are bored with postapocalyptic and medieval genres and don't like being treated as if they're in prison or a third-worlder from a wartorn $$$$hole - excuse my French - or like to feel as if they're playing something made by a British alphabet agency, then Blue Marble is the game for you. If you're sick of the medieval crap or games constantly set in a postapocalyptic America, then Blue Marble is definitely for you."
Players can create their own character or just play as the stock characters - 20something year old dude Thales or dudette Trissy - as they complete the main story campaign.
Thales or Trissy or your custom character has just relocated from a postapocalyptic Great Britain, which has been destroyed and occupied by Russian forces and prepares to start a new, fun and exciting life in North America.
But things don't go according to plan as the protagonist gets caught up with biker gangs, drifters, shady organizations, dangerous racing outfits and dirty cops. So, Blue Marble is certainly more than a racing game, but a sort of "one-stop shop".
Whilst there is no concrete plan for a PC release (which could be in ten years' time or not at all), the game will be released first on PS5 and Xbox and analysts anticipate a sale of more than 300,000 units on console (digital and physical) within the first three months.
CEO of Eridani Entertainment Brogan English added, "this huge game will be released on console first. After ten years, you may see a release on PC, but that's not a concrete plan."
Blue Marble will have both an offline and online mode, with servers of up to 40 players each.
"If you don't want to play something that seems like it was created by an alphabet agency or a group of British spies, then Blue Marble is for you and if you liked The Crew 2014, then you're gonna absolutely love this. If you don't want to be treated as if you're incarcerated or you're a member of a government or an elderly person, then this game is for you. And if you are an entertainment lover and not a Russian robot, then this is a game for you."
Brogan English also added that Blue Marble will show that an open world action adventure game can have a huge map which you can interact with and doesn't have to be small or just a racing game.
"This game will separate the big studios from the small ones and will show that you don't have to be in perennial development to relese something concrete and complete."
English also added that "the map will not be a boring big world and will not have a boring feel like Star Citizen. Blue Marble has a lively and authentic feel and NPCs are active and interactive. It's set in the 2040s and isn't postapocalyptic and devs have worked hard to create a fun and exciting open world, which is why it'll be released on console first because PC players have tended to conclude that games played on PC 'lack a fun and relaxed feel' and that the more intelligent people are perceived to be, the more boring their entertainment becomes. So," English says, "just because players are perceived to possess above-average intelligence doesn't mean their entertainment should become more boring than when they were on console. So Blue Marble is all about having fun, both inside and outside of your vehicles. The map size is roughly a similar size to The Crew 2014, but this is a pure coincidence and Blue Marble's condensed map of North America is more authentic, vibrant, realistic, lively and has more NPCs in it, so it is definitely not an amateur game or game for a smaller community. And don't worry, we steered clear of UE5 because UE5 is an anti-fun, anti-gaming and anti-entertainment engine."
Eridani Entertainment predicts a regular online player base of between 50,000 and 120,000 and a lifetime revenue of between US$170m and US$260m.

Before we begin, I apologize in advance if this is long and rambly. Just trying to organize my thoughts and get some input from people who may have had similar experiences and/or are willing to read through my meandering bullshit.
I am a 25 year old EI with two years of experience who is currently unemployed. I started working with a mid-sized consulting company once I got my Bachelor's degree, brought on as an hourly employee in the geotechnical department while a full-time Master's student. I got my Master's in geoenvironmental engineering back in May, stuck around the company until December. Decided to take a break after leaving as one final hurrah in honor of being done with school, and am now starting the job hunt again.
There were a few different reasons I left my previous company, but one of the big ones is that I'm mainly interested in environmental work, and despite management saying they'd transfer me to a more environmentally-focused position, it never came to fruition. I wanted to try out geotechnical work because I really liked the geotech classes in uni, but I absolutely despised the work I was doing in geotech; field work was ok, but geotechnical reporting is absolutely soul-crushing. All that being said, the company I worked for also did environmental work, and I've had some low-level interaction with the department; realistically, it seems like it was just the same shit as geotechnical but with a different coat of paint. Somewhat interesting field work, followed by hours of templatized report writing and scraping the bottom of the barrel for billable hours.
Basically, I don't like geotech, and I'm worried that environmental engineering is going to be a lot of the same shit I didn't like about geotech, just under a different name and with different terms. I originally wanted to do remediation, but a lot of people I've talked to who did remediation absolutely fucking despised it. I've been looking at different jobs and subsets of engineering, and I really think something along the lines of coastal engineering would be something I'd love; the Army Corps of Civil Engineering specifically has some amazing sounding job openings, full of shit like stream and marsh restoration, jetty and coastal structure design, etc., but I really don't want to get my PE working in government, as that goes against everything I've ever been told in terms of career development. The big problem is, there are no private coastal opportunities in my city (somewhat expected, as I'm about four hours from the coast...), and I'm not planning on moving until I'm done paying my student loans.
One of the things that appeals to me with coastal engineering is that, I assume just from being a specialized market, the work looks a lot more in line with the shit I got into engineering for in the first place; design, modeling, that kind of thing. I don't want to be a project manager, I want to do technical and design work. Additionally, I want to work with water resources; this is one of the entire reasons I got into civil engineering. With that in mind, I've been looking into some local positions that I feel have some transferable skills, water resources type jobs, and it seems like nearly all of them are either stormwater or wastewater oriented, neither of which I'm particularly interested in. This is where I'm having some trouble trying to figure out what to do next.
I guess one of the big questions would be, would a job like this even exist? As in, a water resources oriented job that doesn't pertain to stormwater or wastewater? I've used a dozen different variations of searches on Indeed using keywords like modeling, water resources, water quality, etc., and it just gives me search results for wastewater work. Some examples of what I'd love to do are the things I did in my groundwater resources engineering and surface water quality modeling classes; in groundwater resources engineering, my final project included modeling the groundwater table for a local area based on well data. It was a little bit ago, so I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but another student used my model in his project and did something pertaining to contaminant transport in the groundwater. In surface water quality modeling, we did a lot of Simulink programming to model a large local watershed area. Is this kind of shit unique to academia, or can you score a job like this in consulting? If so, what are some companies I should be keeping an eye out on for job openings?

Hi all. Just wanted to try getting a narrowed down idea of my type. Feel free to comment your thoughts! Thanks!
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I'm a 25 year-old male. I'm a diligent student and am living away from my home country for now 9 years. Ive spent those 9 years trying to understand the way the society works here and have adapted rather well, to the point where people can't tell I'm a foreigner. I'm pretty active, although it's more so activity for the sake of activity. As such, I'm kinda fit.
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
Yes. GAD and PTSD.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
I would have fomo if I were to see everyone else that I deem as friend doing something cool on socials. Then I would become resentful. However, I myself am perfectly okay being in my own company. I prefer it. That is not to say I don't like being with my frens. I would feel refreshed but there would come a point where I would feel as if I can't bear being so alone. Especially after long periods of time. However, I am accustomed to being alone and finding the joy in it. Like I said, I would resent the very sociable folks because I felt left out
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I like activities that i can enjoy anywhere. Though i think this is because of how used to using a phone i am. Mobile gaming etc... is pretty neat. I like activities in which i can see a story unfold. Reading is one of them, iwas a huge reader as a kid. But i gravitate more so towards watching cool shows. However i much prefer shows and things that arent as popular because then people wont annoyingly yap about the surface level of the shows that we mutually have watched. Though I do like creative activities, like painting, I also like shopping and walking around. I like doing things that I feel are leading towards something grand. So, for instance, journaling and practicing a skill daily brings me some pleasure. I used to be a huge football fan until I realized how corrupt the sport was. I do like some sports though. I've always liked tossing and catching balls, playing with bouncy balls as a kid etc... I like skateboarding, though I haven't owned one in years.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
Quite curious. I'm sometimes out of touch with reality just entertaining my mental musings. I will be sat and thinking about some random topic or thing iused to hear about and then research it. I'll try to make sense of the world and the "why" behind things. For example; why do I have nightmares when it's cold? Why are xyz so unreasonable? Why am I so attached to this toy? Why don't people do instead of y? I feel like social media has influenced this process tho. Giving us random things to consume, it leads us to clicking on videos and articles that spark new interests so easily and quickly, so I'm unsure. Though I tend to want to know why certain things are happening or WHAT is happening. Especially if theres like a crown gasping at something, for instance.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
i have taken leadership positions in the past, and I did well. I much prefer to appeal to the good nature of my "teammates" and encourage them to do a good job.however, I prefer to select my team. I do not want laziness or incompetence in my crew. So I will scan my options and choose who I will team up with. If I have options that are limited to not-so-skilled individuals, I will play a leadership role and do most of the thinking. Tho I don't enjoy it.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
i'm coordinated, yeah. I actually prefer situations where I can grasp the essence of a problem and use my hands. I prefer writing over reading, so I guess I like using my hands fo effect the mediums I work with. I used to want to be like a spy who is interacting with a bunch of gadgets and mobilizing himself towards a goal. My activity is usually at my own pace. I frequently try to finish tasks ahead of schedule because I want to spend more time lazing around and doing whatever I want. I tend to seek clarity in instructions I am given and sequentially take care of each piece of the task I am given. I recently started using to do lists because the workload became HUGE. I will, however, not compromise my comfort.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forms of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
i am. I am skilled with pencil shading and line art and do pretty well with colours and aesthetics. I know what I like and try to make something that appeals to me and is objectively nice. I tend to also make pieces that resonate with myself, so things that I like. I even sought to learn to draw faces to draw myself and my friends ad fantasy characters. I'm good with visual arts but I'm also a pretty good actor. I've always excelled at making accents and role playing. I like thinking of people in terms of the archetypes they fill and even portray my friends in memes
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
The past, I have a love hate relationship with it. I made mistakes that I regret and have been through horrible things. But I do appreciate things from the past that bring me meaning. Certain flavors, sceneries, good memories. As for the present, I tend to be locked out of the present moment. I struggle to live in the moment and can seem rather weird. I think more about things than actually doing them. It feels like I play a character at any given moment for any given interaction tho. As for the future, I tend to find it weird. I want a better future and sometimes think, in a tight situation, "don't worry. Tomorrow this will be over." I love thinking that the future is open and that better days are ahead. I often wonder what it will feel like doing things ive never done. Absent of anxiety, that is. With anxiety, whole different story. "Tomorrow is bound to be worse than today" when anxious
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
i help those i'm cool with or at least neutral towards. If the individual is full of nonsense and lazy or offers no value in return, no way.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
I've been lazy all mylifr and I never stopped hearing about it. So just to prove people wrong, I will move bricks and mountains. Whichever is important to a degree of thinking "less is more". Productivity is alright too, but at my own pace ofc
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
i listen to music, journal, watch cartoons and movies, work out, walk, try to find ways to "fix" my life (my friends tell me this is what I do most), play games, try some good food, meditate (I tend to neglect this one), research interesting things, draw, accomplish a goal
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
I hate classes with lots of aural input from a lecturer, If it triggers my misophonia.i prefer learning things practically. explanations will just have me needing to read more and try to focus on boring notes. Using my hands and brains is preferred. I score high in Kinesthetic for VARK tests. Oh, and visual. I prefer classes that involve logic, creativity and physical senses. I can memorize things but this is the most tedious learning style for me.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I can strategise when needed. I weigh the task up first. If the task at hand is hard, I will break it down and dedicate more energy to it. Else, I'll just do what feels right. I even ignore instructions sometimes.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
The flavour of the world feels warm, with a tinge of coldness. I would feel as if my suffering paid off and I am nowhere except where I am supposed to be. That there is no rush and no need to care of what others think about me. Where I can just do what I deem best amd find a balance between stability and adventure
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
Nightmares, hypichondriasis, overthinking, rumination, anxiety, panic, jealousy, having no autonomy
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I daydream quite a lot. But I will still feel what's around me enough to get somewhere where I can be in my head in peace. XD
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I like empty rooms, especially if they used to be lively and full of people in past events. Goes to show that no matter what happens, some things remain. I would think of what life would be like if I were to live here forever. I would also be reminded of that meme where there's just a futon, a screen, a fridge and a katana: "all men need to be happy". If the room has no windows or doors, I'd be scared. Assuming it has windows and a door, I would look outside, eventually. How big is the room? If it's a HUUUUGE empty hall, that's so cool. I'd walk around and imagine myself in some great elvish building and maybe even lie down to see the roof. I even dreamt of such a building before, hexagon shaped cross section.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I take a bloody long time to decide on anything important. For instance, i took 4 hours to decide what race my DnD character would be. Once I've made my decision, I will not regret it unless it goes wrong
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
I have always tended to act on emotion but i have been more balanced in the past 4 years. I regulate them to not make a mess and use them to deem what I will and will not tolerate in the future. I enjoy expressing them
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
No. Cause that's fake. If I don't agree, I'll just say "cool" and move on. Why talk if I'm going to say what YOU want to hear? I must say what I want to say.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
Yeah, but I often get told that what I'm doing isn't right and then I just get mad at the person that told me that. "No sir you can't wear shoes in this room" I'll think cwell, screw you too!" Besides that, I often follow the rules of any given institution well enough.

Hi all, my first post here after finding this community. I have been estranged from my dad for about 4 years now, no contact apart from when my grandfather passed away and I attended his funeral.
I can’t remember my dad ever being emotionally present during my teenage years (I’m 25 now) and he gradually became more and more distant until in 2016 it came to light that he was having an affair, and my parents got divorced. During this time he was emotionally and physically abusive.
I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me. I cut contact because he was a toxic person in my life. Recently we had to communicate due to my grandfather’s will, and this was not a pleasant experience. He was condescending and emotionally manipulative. In the midst of the divorce in 2016, as it was becoming clear to him that my siblings would be staying with my mum over him, he used my grandparents as a bargaining chip to get us to see him, saying that they won’t be around for much longer and guilting us into visiting him through them.
I talk quite often with my grandmother now as she is widowed and quite lonely, and even though we live far apart I try to visit her every couple of months. Every conversation with her, however, is marred by her asking that I speak to my dad again.
I understand her point of view; we are her only remaining family and it must really hurt to see us apart. But I don’t want him in my life, we simply don’t know each other. And when we do talk it isn’t pleasant. He’ll message me about how he wants to ‘mend the bridges’ but then during his only interaction with me he is not pleasant.
My grandmother recently told me that it is her dying wish for us all to speak again and she will achieve this before she passes (she’s 90). I really don’t know how to navigate this. I want her to be happy in her last years. I want her to pass away knowing that everything is fine, but it isn’t and it probably will never be. But I also don’t want to tell her the details of why I don’t speak to her son, as I don’t want to involve her in the drama or pit her against him. But every time I think about being in his presence I get a pit in my stomach.
I just don’t know what to do.

I'd like to share a lengthy and self-indulgent note about my history with the Baha'i community and the impact it had on my family and me. It's worth noting that I'm sharing this using a throwaway Reddit account that I generally reserve for browsing porn. I find funny to imagine a Baha'i apologist reading this, becoming angry and judgmental, and then, investigating my profile and ending up jerking off. With that said, let's dive into my story.
I want to share my experience in case it resonates with someone else, a lot of the stories on this Reddit helped me, and perhaps my story will give some comfort to someone else. It has taken me a while to write this down, and I'm glad I finally got around to doing it.
My parents emigrated from their homeland for reasons of principle and value. Upon their arrival, they were greeted by Baha'is who met them. And so, lovebombed and lavished with love, praise, and celebration for moving countries due to values that they portrayed as being closely aligned with the Baha'i faith, my parents fell for this validation and worked very hard once they became Baha'is in the mid-1980s.
My dad got rid of all of his whiskies, and swiftly, my parents began hosting potlucks and fireside chats, diligently working to integrate into the Baha'i ecosystem. Back then, the atmosphere was fairly light-hearted, with devotional gatherings, prayers, and a somewhat 1960s-esque hippie vibe. There was live guitar music, and joss sticks.
However, I remember Baha'i classes having an interesting edge. We were taught that Buddhists were not following a religion but merely a way of life, and that Hindus had become pantheistic because they had lost the core of their faith and religion, which had become corrupted over time. Thanks to Google, I can discover that yes indeed, this is from Lights of Guidance.
There was a significant emphasis on the importance of gender equality and the oneness of humanity – because, hey, the eighties. I feel sad there isn't anything anymore about the Virtues project - even if the Virtues project was sort of framed like it was created by Bahais.
Even in the 1980s, there was an overwhelming atmosphere that the key to being a good Baha'i was how you presented yourself rather than your actual behaviour. I recall learning an apocryphal tale of a young Baha'i who, while fasting, participated in an aerobics class and nearly fainted (yeah, aerobics, this is a real 80s fable), but was told by another Baha'i to prioritize representing the faith well over completing the fast because *it looked bad*. From a very early age, I learned the importance of putting the right face forward.
My parents then took their relationship with the Baha'i faith to the next level and volunteered at the World Centre in Haifa. As a child, this was a pretty interesting experience. I was suddenly immersed in the Iranian, or rather, Persian community, with its strong culture of martyrdom. Even as a child, every event seemed to feature graphic videos depicting young kids being taken from their homes. It was quite frightening, and I remember being afraid.
I also recall a strong sense of hierarchy within the community. My family lived in a small apartment with a very old, busted-up car from the 1970s, while others resided in nice homes with pleasant views and drove nice cars. I attended a local Israeli school, which was a cultural experience in itself, while my peers my age went to the much fancier American school. It's important to note that, at this point, the conversation about the "great catastrophe" – two-thirds of the world's population dying, leading to a period of peace and the entry by troops – was a prevalent topic openly discussed at the World Centre.
We completed our stint there, even living through the Gulf War. Upon returning to my birth country, my parents chose to live in places with smaller Baha'i communities, as they wanted to support and help establish Local Spiritual Assemblies. Things had changed by this point, not only because I was a teenager but also because the community itself had transformed. There was a significant Iranian presence everywhere, and the focus had shifted heavily towards rules, especially those related to sex, drinking, and drug use. There was also a huge emphasis on financial contributions to the faith, and it was the first time I began to see a somewhat materialistic outlook within the community.
As a preteen and teenager, I engaged in activities like dropping off flyers in mailboxes and soliciting strangers to talk about this great new religion, all in the name of “teaching”. I joined the local choir and sang, inspired by a crush I had on a girl there. This was probably the golden time of the community, with the choir doing outreach and a balance between Western and Iranian believers.
However, things began to accelerate. The Ruhi Institute and teaching became significant focal points. I was encouraged to bring a good friend of mine to a Baha'i camp, and once there, I was pressured to ask him to convert. It was very uncomfortable.
This Reddit loves cringe stories, so here is a winner: I had a birthday party with my non-Baha'i friends, and two older Baha'i girls attended. One of the girls ended up stalking my friend, showing up at his workplace and calling him at home with sexually suggestive comments. The matter was escalated to the Local Spiritual Assembly, but instead of talking to me about it, they basically ended my friendship with this kid. To me, this somehow captures so much of what it was like to be a Baha'i child and how Baha'i adults treat children to this day.
When I turned 15, I signed up for Baha'i membership because it was the expected thing to do. However, by the time I was in my early 20s and studying at university, I had started to interact more with the local, real-world community. This might seem like a small thing, but it was actually quite significant. You see, my parents had always felt a little bit on the outside compared to the average person on the street around them. This sense of elitism was really exacerbated by being a Baha'i because Baha'is would walk around in a cloud of self-assurance, slapping each other on the back and saying , "We don't do drugs. We've got all the answers and solutions, not like you." That was pretty much the attitude. It felt very socio-economic, with a lot of judgment towards working-class people. When the Iranians arrived, the cultural judgments grew even stronger.
But I was working in restaurants and learning about booze from bartenders. I had gotten to know real people. I had lost my virginity, and all that Bahai jazz seemed so much less relevant. I hardly even noticed when the year 2000 arrived without the predicted apocalypse, entry by troops, or any of the other anticipated events. Life went on. I lived in another country and met a girl, and we lived together.
Here is cringe story #2: my girlfriend /fiancé and I hosted a Bahai couple from my hometown. Despite being in my late 20s and engaged, and even though I hosted this gentleman in my house and helped him with his preparations for his business and presentations in the country where I lived, he reported to the Local Spiritual Assembly that I was living with a woman and we weren't married. It was absolutely amazing. The level of judgment still grosses me out.
I started to reflect on what the religion had meant to me and saw how it had changed. The obsession with fundraising was becoming ever more strident and panicked. The gaps in the actual scriptural logic of the religion were becoming more exacerbated as real-world problems still ran rife, and real-time discussions on social media brought these issues to light. It took me a while to start really digging into it, and it was only much later, when I started therapy, that I realized I needed to formally resign from the religion.
Looking back, it's astonishing how this religion, which professes to have such blind equality between the genders, as if other religions have some kind of hardwired sexism, actually had hardwired sexism in how the Universal House of Justice operates. A religion that taught the oneness of humanity, as if all humanity is equal and other religions don't recruit from anyone they can find, places divisors. Although of course, Bahai’s can’t recruit from Israeli Jews, so much for oneness of humanity. But this religion has taught that all humanity is equal, unless, of course, you're gay. Then you can't get married, let alone have sex.
There are other principles I haven't touched on, such as non-involvement in politics, unless it involves things happening to Baha'is or politics in Iran. The principle of independent investigation of the truth doesn't seem to work if you might investigate something that's not in line with the Baha'i perspective. The idea of a universal language? I don't really see any evidence that they're even really thinking about that one. The unity between science and religion? A religion that only allows men to sit on its senior board of a global theocracy probably isn't going to jive with a contemporary scientific perspective…. I mean, apparently you don't need a penis to be a man anymore, right?
In between these moments are my colorful memories of random things, like endless discussions about the boundaries of physical intimacy, people getting married at the age of 16 because they had exemptions for being Persian, and meeting Ms. Khanoom in Israel, feeling some sadness that the lone woman who at least brought some feminine energy to the World Centre is now gone, replaced by 12 boring men.
I've had conversations with my wife where I tried to explain what Baha'is actually do. She just wonders why they aren't doing stuff like normal religions do, like reading to the elderly or supporting schools for the disabled. I explain that's not the target demographic. I remember a wealthy man brought to firesides who obviously nobody else wanted to listen to, but we all sat around and applauded him like he was a great ukulele player and a clever man. He pointed out a hilariously Iranian man who was an alternative healer, and they got into a debate about modern medicine. The wealthy man said, "Well, you should see my daughter and what she studied. She studies Law." And then quickly changed the subject when asked about her name since I studied at the same Law school. Here's this man who's self-aware enough to join the adoration of his crowd but doesn't want his daughter mixed up in it in any way. Absolutely hilarious. Make that cringe story #3.
This reflection was sort of sparked when my wife and I discovered that the writings attributed to Rumi, which Baha'is often quote, is the same guy who started the Whirling Dervishes. We read about Rumi and I realized just how different he is from Baha'u'llah. Rumi wrote poetry, but he didn't pretend to be a prophet of God. He was just offering a different dynamic for how to interpret spirituality. He didn't say he was part of some sort of cycle. There's something beautiful about that simplicity. And needless to say, Rumi lived long before the Baha'is ever started.
It makes me wonder, will anyone ever watch the equivalent of a whirling dervish dance for the Baha'is?
The obsession with appearances sounds like a joke, but it isn't. It wasn't for me. Some bad stuff happened to me on my trip to Israel. When we got there, my parents didn't understand why I was so upset about everything. It was a culture shock, attending a local school, not speaking Hebrew, being lumped together with Russian kids who also didn't speak Hebrew, and getting beaten up in the toilet. It wasn't a very good time for me.
So, I was sent to counsel with a local Israeli counselor. After several sessions, she instructed that I had to sit down with my parents and tell them what I needed to tell them, particularly about the shadow that had come over me since coming to Israel. My parents were enraged when I said, “I wish we never became Bahai”.
And so, we returned from the Holy Land and moved to a tiny community that was struggling to get members. To this day, my parents are still members. I've resigned so I'm never dubbed a "covenant breaker." I'm pretty sure my parents know that I resigned because they literally never raise the topic of the Baha'i faith with me. I wish the religion had some interesting cosmology, something mystical, some interesting new take on the universe, or provided my family with tools to handle being migrants or raising teenagers. At the very least, it could have given us a common language we could have used to bond together. It did none of that.
But to be fair, if it wasn't the Baha'is, some other rinky-dink cult would have love-bombed my parents back in the 1980s. Of course, it would have been so much more fun if it had featured more sex and drugs 😊

Kadillac Kirk had been a good friend of mine for several years. I had met him through friends from The Spring Stage; and he never had anything to do with The Imp, which is why he didn’t appear in the Married Mary saga. Mary would have totally thrown herself at him, and Kirk would have definitely “thrown it in her.” He loved the ladies and often remarked that there was no such thing as an unappealing woman, nor was there anything sweeter than finding the pearl of passion in an outwardly plain dame. Fortunately for Kirk, he never met Mary. This was probably fortunate for Mary as well, seeing as Kirk was a confirmed bachelor and he would have probably broken her fat heart.
Kirk was an older guy. Not MOE old, though. He was in his early forties, but he easily passed for a carefree dude in his 30s... not that he lied about his age. I only mention this trait to juxtapose Kirk’s genuine youthful air with Moe’s unconvincing youthful farce. Kirk dressed normally, avoided stupid jargon, and never busted out gimmicks like tarot cards or spells. He just existed, behaved affably, and people liked him for it.
He drove a classic 1962 Cadillac El Dorado convertible with red leather interior, and he lived in a charmingly quaint (and ridiculously expensive) neighborhood. How he made his fortune remained a mystery, but he never bloviated about his wealth. He just threw spectacular parties and people showed up. And, to my knowledge, he never tried to lure women into bed with his money (although I’m sure he got his fair share of boom-boom thanks to his digs and his wheels, even if the gold-diggers denied their monetary agendas).
Kirk was legitimately handsome. He was a drummer, he had a full head of black hair, he was clean-shaven, he worked out, and he knew all the hidden gems in Wellsprings. So why hadn’t I tried... or even desired to date him? I don’t know. I just didn’t feel drawn to him like that. He felt like a cool uncle and he had, thus far, never done anything to change my perception. Plus, the age difference weirded me out a little. Kirk didn’t look forty; but knowing that he had so much more life experience than I did created a power imbalance that would have creeped me out if we’d been dating. As buddies, I just felt supremely cool riding in his Cadillac, smoking Fantasia cigarettes, and hitting the speakeasies and jazz clubs I would have never known about if it weren’t for Kirk’s connections.
And he had been a good person to talk to about my romantic woes. He never lecherously suggested that I should date him, and he gave the type of tempered advice that only comes with lived experience. But he often lightly mocked me for my crush on Dennis and he did a hilarious impression of Smegal popping too soon over his “precious.” So when Mary “got me back” by doing whatever she did with to Dennis, I called Kadillac Kirk and told him the drinks were on me if he’d be my designated driver for the night.
Why hadn’t I called Whisky??? Well, A) Kirk was way more fun to hang out with, at least from my past experiences up to that point. And B) I needed to bitch about a boy, something I couldn’t do in good conscience in front of a guy I was dating. So I put on the sexiest plunging halter dress I owned, applied heavy eye makeup and spikey accessories, braved a pair of stilettos, and sashayed out to Kirk’s convertible. I felt like a badass rock star. I probably looked like a try-hard hooker.
Kirk: Daaaaay-um! Somebody really did do a number on you, huh? I know you said you were upset, but the gents are gonna be writing thank you notes to that fat girl and that butt-fucking hobbit.
Me: I just need to feel pretty and numb. And I trust you to keep me from making a fool of myself.
Kirk squeezed my shoulder. “I’ve got you. You do whatever you need to do to get rid of these demons.”
He sparked up a J and offered me the first puff. I gladly accepted. He took one puff of his own, but said that the rest was mine since he didn’t want to drive stoned. See? He was responsible! Weed wasn’t legal in California yet, so I got a little bit baked before I stashed the sativa in the glove box and wrapped a scarf around my hair like a starlet from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Kirk sped out of the parking lot and said he was taking me to a downtown hotel that was hosting a party that night in their lush lobby.
Kadillac Kirk pulled up to the main entrance, paid the valet, and then opened my door. I was wobbly from the weed. And I had stupidly decided to wear heels. You can get high or you can wear high (heels). You can’t have both. Not if you’ve repeatedly injured both ankles (as I have). I had to take Kirk’s arm to keep from keeling over. “Can people tell I’m stoned?” I whispered. Kirk replied, “Nobody’s paying any attention to anyone else’s intoxication. I promise you that much.” I nodded, steadied myself, and strutted alongside my very cool friend, feeling a little more confident.
A live jazz orchestra was playing Cole Porter as we entered the lobby. Everything sparkled. The music was even more intoxicating than the spliff had been. “Just One of Those Things” brought tears to my eyes since the lyrics hit every raw nerve regarding the Dennis debacle. But I smiled. It might sound mental, but being distraught over a trash fire of a one-sided romance was exhilarating. Immature, for sure. But also exhilarating. You see, that kind of sadness doesn’t hurt. Not really. It stings. It leaves little bruises, but it’s very safe to wallow in because you haven’t actually lost anything. Melancholia over that which you never had is as sweet as it is bitter; and that type of twisted splendor is rivaled only by Stendhal.
“Here's hoping we meet now and then. It was great fun, but it was just one of those things.” I sang along with the band, and a fat tear rolled down past my melancholic smile and onto my chin. Kirk brushed it aside. “Too close to home?” I wiped away the remnants of the tear’s journey from eye to chin and smiled a more genuine smile. “The perfect distance from home. Shall we get drinks? Remember, I’m buying.”
Kirk: No, no. This is your time to heal. And I’m here as your pal, not your chauffeur. What would the lady like?”
I pretended to barf. Kirk knew I hated it when he got overly formal and overly attentive. So he did it just to mess with me. “Shot of vodka,” I replied.
Kirk: How many?
I thought briefly. “FIVE.”
Kirk: Five to one, baby. One in five...
Me: No one here gets out alive.
Kirk: Are you able to hold yourself upright, or should you come with?
I took a seat on an ornate, damask-upholstered chaise lounge. “I’ll be okay. And I was kidding about the five shots.”
I sat there lost in the music for a while. I thought very little about Dennis. Even less about Mary. And not at all about Whisky (whom I had shagged less than a week ago). My mind danced through the ornate lighting in the hotel lobby, and I suddenly felt the need to join the hoity-toity guests on the dancefloor!
Kirk returned with four shots of vodka. Two for him, two for me. That was quite reasonable of him. He knew damn well that I couldn’t handle five shots, but he also knew that I was in a... state. One that called for more than a single shot. I raised a both miniature glasses to “No more ninnyhammers or hairy-footed lovers.” Kirk did his hilarious Smegal impression, we double-toasted, and downed the shots. The band launched into “Let’s Misbehave,” and I kicked off my stilettos and made a beeline for the dance floor.
“There’s something wild about you child that’s so contagious. Let’s be outrageous! Let’s misbehave.” Kadillac Kirk swept me up, twirled me around, and dipped me as we both sang along with the lyrics. I wasn’t swooning for him, but I was enthralled by the moment. The music, the dancing, the combination of booze and bud... so I kissed him as he pulled me back to my feet. And he kissed back. In a way that Dennis never had. In a way that Whisky’s beard wouldn’t permit. I didn’t feel the visceral sensations that I’d felt when Dennis had kissed me, but it felt nice to feel desired. And then I noticed that other guests were watching us and applauding. Now, that was a dopamine rush if ever there was one!
I gently broke away from the embrace, high-fived Kirk and returned to the chaise lounge to put my stupid shoes back on. He followed me and smashed his face back onto mine. I pulled away and laughed. “It was a moment,” I told him. “I appreciate the dance, and that kiss was the perfect finale. But it’s not happening again.”
Kirk: Not to worry, Valerie. I know you. I knew all along that we were performing, and I was more than happy to be your scene partner.
Me: And dance partner! Those were some excellent moves! I didn’t know you had ballroom training.
Kirk: You name it, I’ve mastered it. Another drink for the lady?
I pretended to barf again. “Not yet. I’m not sad right now. Do you mind if I just sit here and enjoy the music?”
Kirk: Ah. My kisses do have healing properties...
I flipped my hand up at him. “Knock that shit off, bro. I wanted to hang out with you because I trust you not to get weird. Even if I get weird, I know you have the maturity to balance me out.”
Kirk: Are you calling me old???
Me: No. I’m calling you rational, responsible, and respectful.
Kirk: Well, now. If you can articulate an alliterative statement that fluently, then you clearly aren’t drunk enough!
I dismissed this comment as a joke. And he did indeed knock off the flirtation. We had a perfectly pleasant time chatting and dancing (no more kissing, though). And then I noticed a girl I knew from Into the Woods entering the lobby. She’d played Florinda and I’d played Little Red. I called her name and waved enthusiastically. She waved back. And then her date entered. It was D.E.N.N.I.S. I sank into the chaise. Kirk caught on immediately. “The hobbit???” he asked. I nodded silently. “You wanna make out again?” he enthused. I shook my head. I had to go say hello to Flo. And I had an idea...
I crossed the lobby, smiled, squealed, and hugged her.
Florinda: Lil’ Red! It’s been forever! So glad to see you!!! This is my friend, Denny.
Dennis was shifting uncomfortably. I extended my hand. “Nice to meet you. I know your date from Into the Woods. I bet she could tell you some entertaining stories about that show...” Flo laughed out loud, well aware of the many misadventures to which I'd referred. Of course, she might have been laughing because Dennis never, ever listened to anyone else's stories. He was too busy telling, re-telling, slightly altering, and exaggerating his own.
Dennis: C’mon, Val...
Me: Oh, you’ve heard of me? Small world! You guys picked a great night to come here. They’re playing Cole Porter, and the band is delovely!
Florinda (appearing oblivious to the iciness between me and Dennis): Have you seen Prince Big Bad (Scumbanger) lately?
I laughed. “Last time I saw him, he was hitting on some nasty fat chick at The Imp.”
Flo and I both scoffed at the pervy pest. Into the Woods was where I’d initially met Scumbanger. He played The Wolf/Cinderella’s Prince. Again... typecasting. There’s a whole essay in my brain about my first encounter with the pest, during which he quoted the song that he sang to me in the show, “Hello, Little Girl.” But it gets into some pretty uncomfortable territory because he made me feel excited. Well, excited and scared. Nothing of note happened during Into the Woods, but our odd interactions did kind of set the stage for some extremely regrettable events during that Cats cast party.
I excused myself, saying that I needed to get back to my friend. And then I leaned in and said in a hushed voice to Flo, “Watch your ass with that one. If he’s the Denny I’m thinking of...” I gave her a look that only another female would be able to read. Her eyebrows shot up and she nodded. Dennis continued to shift as though he were trying to hold in a massive dump. “BABE! Uh...”
Flo apparently answered to that moniker as well. “What is it, Denny? Don’t worry. That was just telepathic girl talk. You apparently have a reputation...”
Dennis: Different Denny. I assure you I’m a pious gentleman.
Me: Ah. My mistake. Well, then. You guys have a good time! Nice to meet you, Denny. Great to see you, Flo!
I hugged Flo again, gave Dennis a curt nod, ignored the scent of mandarins and mountain air, and returned to Kirk.
I collapsed on the chaise lounge, exhausted from holding back the rage. I had no right to be mad at Florinda. I hadn’t seen her in three years, so how was she supposed to know that I’d had a thing with Dennis? Hell, I couldn’t even be mad at Dennis because the last time he and I had spoken in any meaningful way, I’d told him that I was no longer entertaining my crush on him. So why was I surprised to see him dating??? And why had he never taken ME out on a date like this??? And why wasn’t I smitten with Kadillac Kirk who HAD taken me out on a date like this, was an objectively excellent kisser, and a bona fide BALLER? What was wrong with me???
Kirk suggested going down the street to a quaint little bar and then sobering up at a diner closer to my apartment. I numbly nodded and followed him in silence for a few blocks. He assured me that I had “turned several heads” on the way to the new location, but I neither cared nor believed him. This wasn't the type of numbness I'd been aiming for. Now I needed to get schnockered. “Five shots of vodka, please.” Yes, I was serious.
Kadillac Kirk, my reliable designated driver, ordered only a beer and watched in something across between astonishment, concern, and delight as I slammed all five shots in rapid succession. I half expected to immediately retch all over the bar. But I felt fine. I half expected to immediately lose consciousness and wake up in the hospital. But I remained coherent. How I’d managed to take in that much hard liquor and suffer no direct consequences, I’ll never know.
I think I wanted to suffer. I wanted to either feel nothing at all or to feel a sickness bad enough to distract me from the scorching sting that pulsed through my being when I realized that I had lost the abstract notion I’d been addicted to this entire time. Hope. It wasn’t Dennis himself I couldn’t quit. It was that drug called hope. The hope that maybe, just maybe Dennis would give our romance a fair chance. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would make peace with himself, get his mind out of his crotch, and enjoy some agenda-free togetherness. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would stop bloviating about his admittedly impressive accomplishments for five fucking minutes and ask about my life. I had my own reasonably impressive accomplishments, even if they paled in comparison to his. A proper suitor would have enjoyed hearing about them.
But seeing him out with another woman, a woman who had no reason to parade her Dennis escapades before me as some means of revenge, a woman he was clearly courting of his own volition... My hope had died. It died before I’d had time to wean myself off it. Now I had to mourn the loss of hope, which is a very tricky brand of grief to navigate. Vodka wasn’t the answer, but it was what I had to work with. So it would have to do.
After enough time had passed without vomiting or collapsing, I asked Kirk to bring his car around to the bar so that I didn’t have to walk two and a half blocks drunk and in heels. He nodded and dramatically leaned in for a kiss. I recoiled. “DUDE! I told you. The moment has passed.”
Kirk: I beg your pardon. I misread your eyes. Thought I saw a green light...
Me: It’s fine. I just want to go home while I’m still feeling okay.
Kirk: Of course. Your chariot will be here soon.
He skipped off to fetch his Cadillac and I noticed that the lights in the bar were beginning to dance a bit. This should have been concerning. But then I realized that I was giggling. Wait... What? Oh shit. Sure, I was drunk from those shots. But what I was feeling in that moment wasn’t drunkery. It was stonery. Kirk probably misread my face because my pupils were dilated. Not from desire, but from drug use.
Some of you might be thinking that I was a bad friend for not introducing Lucy, an old dude connoisseur, to Kirk. Well... I did. Several years before the events of this story. He adored her. She, on the other hand, thought he was immature. And she wasn’t wrong. Lucy was astute when it came to sussing out a person’s true nature. Far more astute than I. Her initial assessment that Kirk was immature is about to be vindicated. Stretch those cringe muscles! It’s almost time for pie...
I somehow managed to get to his car. I honestly don’t recall how I got there. Did one of the bartenders carry me? Did some kind patron allow me to lean on him? Had Kadillac Kirk carried me out? I’m not sure. But my memory ceases to be fuzzy about halfway to the 24-hour diner. It might have been the very same 24-hour diner where Mary pulled her... shenanigans. I’ll never know.
Kirk: Would you say that you’re more drunk or more stoned?
Me: STONED. Definitely stoned.
Kirk made some sort of grunty noise and reached for my thigh. I slapped his hand.
Kirk: Stoned but not amorous? That’s rare.
I started laughing rather unkindly. “You’re a fucking horndog! I thought you were my safe straight male friend, dammit.”
Kirk: I solemnly swear that your safety is my primary concern, my stoned beauty.
I pretended to throw up.
Kirk: So... You’re not horny. But are you hungry? The diner I’m heading to makes this Maple Walnut Pie with the most sumptuous... sensual cream and exquisite drizzling of...
Me: Ew! Stop trying to bang the pie. Bro. Are YOU stoned? (Then I remembered the question.) Yes, I’m hungry. But I don’t like nuts. I’ll have banana cream.
Kirk made that repulsive grunty noise again. “Uhhhhh... Mmmmmm. Cream. Yessssss. Yes, we’ll be there in just a minute.” He was squirming in the driver's seat.
Me: GROSS, DUDE! If you’re gonna be like that I’ll just order HASH brows. Get it? Hash??? (I giggled uncontrollably.). You can’t make that sound nasty.
Kirk: Forgive my jokes. I think my blood sugar’s a bit low.
As Kirk parked, I began to wonder how I might get away with walking shoeless into the diner. The stilettos had to get off my feet. At least while I was walking. And Kirk was kind enough to give me his socks and wear his loafers “island style” into the establishment. Okay, that was gallant of him. Maybe he was going to behave himself for the rest of the evening.
I wasn’t terribly talkative as we sat down, and he expressed concern for my emotional well-being. I wasn’t coherent enough to explain what was happening to my emotions and I wasn’t sure I trusted him with my deep, dark secrets at that point. So I shrugged like a sulky teenager, ran my hands over my messy, windblown hair, and mumbled that I was “just hungry.” And right on cue, a very kind, slightly older waitress with a sweet southern accent stopped by to take our order.
Kirk: Ah, yes. We’ll have two cups of black coffee. And we’ll share a slice of that delectable Maple Walnut Pie.
Waitress: Oh, honey. That pie is scrumptious! I take it you’ve been here before?
Kirk: I have. This will be her first time to taste the splendor.
I hated to be a killjoy, but I interrupted and said to the waitress, “Ma’am? I’m sure the Maple Walnut is excellent, but could I please get a slice of Banana Cream? And a big glass of ice water?
Waitress: Sure, hon! Banana Cream’s just as yummy! I’ll be right back with those coffees and that big water.
Kirk was sucking on the tip of his forefinger and shaking his head a bit. “You’re passing up so many sensational... sensual...”
I put my forehead on the table and growled. “You swore you’d stop being nasty!” I held this #headdesk pose for quite some time before I finally lifted my head... only to see that Kirk was still sucking his fingertip and staring at me like a wild animal. “Pleeeeeease be normal,” I whined. “It’s been a really weird night for me.”
Kirk: Indeed. Many surprises. You know... You’re like titanium. Your flame burns so fast and so bright, if a guy doesn’t get in there while the iron is hot, he’ll never get another chance. I was too slow.
What the...? I was pretty sure he was wrong about titanium burning quickly. I’m no chemistry wiz, but my dad and my oldest brother are both big-brains when it comes to physics and chemistry. So I picked up some things just listening to them talk. Accurate or inaccurate, Kirk was being creepy again. He’d never been creepy towards me before, although I’d seen him act like this with other women. Usually with staggering success. Why????? His money. It had to be his money. Kirk was a nice-looking man, but holy shit... No amount of good looks could save this creep show.
And then, our sweet waitress sat down our coffees, my water, and the two slices of pie. After I gulped down a whole bunch of water, I grabbed a fork, prepared to quell my munchies... and then I froze. Kirk was quickly flicking his finger back and forth across the top of his pie. And moaning. He noticed my wide-eyed stare, smirked, sucked the tip of his thumb, picked up the plate with both hands, and began flicking his tongue across the tip of the triangular pie slice. And moaning some more. Well, there went my appetite.
Kirk took his middle finger and jabbed it into the crustless vertex of the pie slice, then he began pumping it in and out like a piston, and flicking his thumb across the increasingly demolished top layer of whipped cream. He gasped this time. People were starting to stare. His pointer finger joined his middle finger in the piston action, and he replaced his thumb with his tongue. Between flicks of the tongue, he groaned, “Oh yeah, baby... Let me taste you,” but it was kind of hard to understand him.
And I was either about to run to the back office, tell them that I was in danger and needed a police escort home... OR I was about to burst out laughing at the spectacle. Kirk continued... He removed his fingers and gregariously licked pie filling off of them. And then he started sucking his fingertips again, switching from middle to pointer, middle to pointer and emitting a delighted little, “Mmmmmm” with every suck.
Finally, he jabbed his fingers back into the utterly destroyed pie, lowered his face into the mess and lapped loudly and passionately, moaning, grunting, and mumbling “Come on, baby. Come on. Mmmmmm. Come on.” I could see the waitress and some dude in a suit heading over to the table, so I sank down in my seat, partially covered my face, but continued to watch the train wreck. At last, Kirk shuddered violently, he splatted his entire hand onto the plate and rubbed furiously. And then he locked eyes with me. He sucked the tip of his thumb one final time and said, “You...” There was a long pause during which Kirk lovingly stroked the mess he’d made. “You... are the pie.”
I don’t hang out with Kadillac Kirk anymore. But he’s still a bachelor, ladies!

Video content has become an essential tool for businesses to connect with their audience, tell their story, and promote their products or services. However, creating high-quality video content requires expertise and resources that many businesses may not have in-house. That’s where video production companies come in.
By partnering with a reputable video production company, businesses can access professional-grade video content that effectively communicates their message and engages their audience. In this blog post, we’ll discuss five common mistakes to avoid when choosing a video production company to ensure that you find the right partner for your needs.

Not Researching the Company’s Portfolio:

One of the most common mistakes businesses make when choosing a video production company is failing to research the company’s portfolio thoroughly. A company’s portfolio showcases its past work and gives insight into the quality and style of its video productions. By reviewing the company’s portfolio, you can assess whether their aesthetic aligns with your brand’s vision and determine if they have experience creating the type of content you need.

Overlooking Reviews and Testimonials:

Another mistake to avoid is overlooking reviews and testimonials from past clients. Reviews provide valuable insights into the company’s reputation, reliability, and customer satisfaction. By reading reviews and testimonials, you can gauge the experiences of previous clients and determine if the company is trustworthy and capable of delivering on its promises.

Ignoring Communication and Collaboration:

Communication is key when working with a video production company. It’s essential to establish clear lines of communication and ensure that the company understands your goals, vision, and expectations for the project. Ignoring communication and collaboration can lead to misunderstandings, delays, and ultimately, a subpar end result. Before committing to a video production company, make sure they prioritize communication and are receptive to your input throughout the production process.

Failing to Set a Realistic Budget:

Setting a realistic budget is crucial when choosing a video production company. While it’s tempting to opt for the cheapest option, choosing a company solely based on price can lead to compromised quality and unsatisfactory results. Instead, consider the value and expertise that the company brings to the table and choose a company that offers a balance between quality and affordability. By setting a realistic budget upfront, you can avoid overspending and ensure that you get the best possible return on your investment.

Not Asking About Additional Services and Support:

Finally, failing to ask about additional services and support is a common mistake when choosing a video production company. Beyond video production, many companies offer a range of additional services, such as scriptwriting, editing, animation, and distribution. By asking about these additional services upfront, you can determine if the company can provide comprehensive support throughout the entire production process and beyond. Additionally, inquire about the company’s post-production support, such as revisions and updates, to ensure that you receive ongoing assistance as needed.

Best Video Production Companies:

1. Motionvillee: Motionvillee offers professional video production services tailored to meet the needs of businesses across various industries. Their services include scriptwriting, storyboard development, filming, editing, and distribution. Motionvillee specializes in producing high-quality videos for small businesses, startups, and SaaS companies. Prices start at $999 per minute of finished video content.
2. Vidico: Vidico is a leading video production company known for creating engaging and impactful video content for businesses of all sizes. They offer a range of services, including scriptwriting, animation, filming, and post-production editing. Vidico serves industries such as technology, healthcare, finance, and e-commerce. Prices vary depending on the scope of the project, with packages starting at $2000.
3. Sandwich Video: Sandwich Video is a boutique video production company renowned for its creative approach and attention to detail. They specialize in producing high-quality, narrative-driven videos for brands looking to make a lasting impression. Sandwich Video caters to industries such as consumer goods, entertainment, and lifestyle. Prices for their services range from $5000 to $20,000 per project, depending on complexity and duration.
4. Demo Duck: Demo Duck is a full-service video production company that creates engaging and memorable video content for businesses across industries. They offer a range of services, including animation, live-action filming, motion graphics, and editing. Demo Duck serves clients in industries such as technology, education, and non-profit organizations. Prices for their services start at $10K per minute of finished video content.
5. Explainify: Explainify specializes in producing animated explainer videos that simplify complex ideas and engage audiences. They offer a range of services, including scriptwriting, animation, voiceover, and sound design. Explainify serves industries such as software as a service (SaaS), healthcare, and finance. Prices for their services start at $2500 per minute of finished video content.

Conclusion:

Choosing the right video production company is essential for creating high-quality video content that effectively communicates your message and engages your audience. By avoiding these five common mistakes and conducting thorough research, communication, and budgeting, you can find a reputable video production company that meets your needs and helps you achieve your goals.
Remember to prioritize quality, communication, and collaboration when selecting a video production company, and don’t hesitate to ask questions and seek clarification throughout the process. With the right partner by your side, you can create compelling video content that sets your business apart and drives success.

I don't even know if this is good or not, I just wrote all of this within like 2 hours of a random brain click where everything made sense, it's also 3 AM which also might make it seem a little more delirious than I was thinking but if anyone sees this, lmk what you think. I have no experience in making games, and very little experience with PCs so if anyone is a game dev and would like to maybe work with eachother on it, hmu @zevyn_yt on IG
THE STORY BEGINS HERE:
Protagonist: (M 36) is a serious ish guy who is a skeptic that believes in science, nature, and biology. He is fit (not too skinny or muscley) he is a nature photographer so he loves animals, used to be a desert animal photographer who would get up close and somewhat interact with the animals which they say you shouldnt do, but an accident happened when he was 28 where he lost his left arm because he was playing with a coyote pup, after the incident, he became more timid when it came to animal photography, no longer getting even within a hundred feet of the animals, but still photographing animals on the side. He decided to settle down and move to a city near some woods woods and starts a daily routine that continues over the next 7 years after a year of rehabilitation from the incident. He was left handed before the incident but over the 8 years after, he had become right handed
The game starts in a dream that will have some references and glimpses into the future but nothing too spoilery or clear, and then pro wakes up and starts his day like normal (cinematic of a sort of settled, normal life) that leads up to the protagonist Walking through the woods casually photographing animals just outside the city he lives, as hes about to photograph a hawk or fox, he hears faint yelling in the distance so he investigates and finds a man in a Parachute stuck semi high up in a tree, after helping him down, pro starts thinking of a childhood memory of playing with a Parachute soldier toy. He thinks about a left hand playing with a toy soldier but the hand slowly fades and makes the toy look sort of alive and then p man interrupts the thought by getting back from a call which means he's safe so pro can go on his way. Later on dreaming (tutorial) he has his arm and acts surprised for a second but quickly realizes its a dream because of that. He's having a more than unusual dream this night (which doesn't mean we will show dreams before) and learns about the dreamscape and how it can be distorted and manipulated in special ways from some dream person who loses track of time, because dreams can move so fast and some important information is about to be revealed about how the dreamscape became physical, but you get woken up by your alarm after hearing "the dream scape has becom-" Pro then wakes up and goes about his day, not noticing small (continually bigger) signs that he might not be awake, he goes through his daily routine without noticing most, ending up with him and hopefully the player believing that was just another day for him, he goes "to sleep" and he's "dreaming," audibly noting that this dream seems much more normal than the night before (though, odd that his dream started in his bed) and slowly figures out that its not by going through his day but notices that at some points it doesn't feel like a dream but then some do and he gets deja vu because this "dream" is feeling like his "day yesterday," eventually leading back to the woods and things start getting weirder and weirder the deeper into the woods he goes and he finds himself lost in the woods he had been basically living in for the last 8 years (so he knows it like the back of his hand) and then finally comes to the conclusion that hes actually awake and tries to go back to the city but he's too deep in the "dream woods" to escape so he has to try to figure out why the two worlds are colliding/combining, why you were chosen to save the worlds, and try to stop them from being completely combined before he falls asleep. (If the dream and physical worlds combine fully, then every nightmare comes to life, destroying both worlds.) Or, so he is told throughout lore progression, I'm very tired and, i think proud of this so this is what I'm working with
He will be ambidextrous when the worlds are combined so there can be cool weapon combos and stuff, also because he lived the first 28 years of his life left handed, and probably the last 7 years, right handed, he'll be right handed in the physical world because its his only arm, and left handed in the couple of dreams that there will be